#bad dates

[crazygnomenclature]

"The Clinger (pt. 1-4)"

Eve sure knows how to pick 'em.

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[kitschandretro]

Too bad Bob had too much spiked eggnog and ended up on Timber instead of Tinder.

[jacks-weird-world]

☎️ skit of Jack's participation in Jake Shane's album 'puss and poems'.

[edwinspaynes]

lore drop gimme

Okay so when I was in undergrad I went on a date with a 28 year old woman. I'll call her K for the purposes of this story. I was 19-20(F) and worried that I would be too young for her and that we would have a maturity gap that left us with little in common.

K picked me up from my apartment and immediately things were a little weird. I knew her from my classes, but she started talking about yaoi within 5 minutes of getting in the car. I was like, fine, I don't mind yaoi. Sure.

We get to the Barnes and Noble for our date. Things fall apart fast.

She points out 50 Shades. I say "lol 50 Shades of Shit." She gets really angry and tells me it's her favourite book and Christian Gray is a hero. I'm 99.9% sure he stalks his love interest and coerces her into BDSM, so I'm a little disturbed by her continued adamancy that he's a hero. She stamps her foot. I drop it because I don't really care.

I quietly sit there watching her go through the yaoi for like 20 minutes. Then I tell her I'm going to look around and come back. I do. I get a couple of books and walk back to the yaoi. She's been there for about 40 minutes.

I have fainting spells and immediately start to feel one come on. I tell her I want to go to dinner as planned. Our exchange was as follows (possible paraphrasing because this was almost a decade ago):

Me: I feel faint and would like to go to [restaurant] soon. Maybe we could finish up and head out within the next 10 minutes or so? K: Oh my GOD. OH MY GOD. I have a better idea. Let's go to the cafe! They have cookies! Me: No, I want real food with, like, protein. K: COOKIES FOR DINNER! It's everyone's dream come true! Me: Maybe when I was like, 10? But anyway I feel like we should go soon, so... K: I can't believe you don't want to fulfill this literal dream with me, but okay.

We check out. In the line, she sees a little polar bear plush in a box that says ADOPT ME. She picks it up and tells me that she had to buy them all at another Barnes and Noble because "they needed to be adopted and it was sad."

She tells me that we should order a pizza one day next time we have a date. I'm like, uh huh. She's like, "OH! But we should wait until we move back in with my mom, because then she can order the pizza for us while we sit in the basement and watch anime without interruptions. :)"

We start to go to the car. I'm faint and at this point know there will not be a second date. I tell her we could just drop me off. Screw the restaurant, I have food at home.

She takes me to the restaurant anyway. I do not want to be there, but besides that we actually have a nice-ish dinner up until the end. At some point I mention I have a crackling candle from Yankee Candle in my room. After dinner:

K: I want to go to Yankee Candle. Me: I don't think that's something we need to do right now. K: I want to see the CRACKLING CANDLES. Me: Okay, well, I think it's closed. K: (Actual pouting face)

We drive home. Thank God. We're sitting there silently in the car while she drives and I sit in the passenger seat.

I want to stress this is a silent drive. I am clearly no longer vibing the date. Like, I am being openly anti-date. She turns to me and BREAKS THE SILENCE with:

K: Did you know that men can break their penises? Me: Um... what? K: I was thinking... Me: K: I said I was THINKING... Me: K: I was thinking. If a gay man broke his penis, would he have to become a bottom forever?

I said literally nothing until we got home. I was speechless.

When it was time to get out of the car, she had child-locked me in. She began to jump up and down and tell me that she WANTED TO SEE THE CRACKLING CANDLE.

She would not un-child-lock me until I agreed, very snappishly, that she could "come up, see the crackling candle, and leave." I stressed that this was NOT a euphemism as well.

She comes up. I show her the candle and start ushering her out the door.

She starts talking to my hippie-dippie Republican hippie conspiracy theorist roommate who I hate. This roommate is very homophobic and asked one of my future girlfriends if she was going to shock therapy. She thought demons came into the apartment through the lights and filled it with angel statues. She had a cat that she disciplined by spanking over her knee who she also refused to spay. She thought milk was made when humans fucked cows.

Anyway, the roommate and K somehow HIT IT THE FUCK OFF.

I went back to my room seething. I came out about 3 hours later, thinking K left. K is sitting on the floor playing video games with my roommate

On Valentine's day, months later, I had not spoken to her since the date. She walks up to me and presents me with a MASSIVE plastic heart necklace from Clare's

[hellyeahscarleteen]

What To Do When a Date Is Going Badly

New from Lisa Laman! A guide for what to do when a date goes wrong.

“It can feel daunting to go on a date. Whether you’re autistic or not, it often requires extreme gumption to go out⁠ there and be vulnerable with another human being. Just getting to the point of even just being on a date with somebody can be a Herculean struggle. Given hurdles like figuring out how to ask someone out, whether they’re interested in you in that fashion, deciding on a good place to go one might imagine that actually going through with the date in question would be a breeze. Once you’ve trained for the season, isn’t getting time on the field a much smoother ride?

Unfortunately, things can and sometimes do go badly on dates. Let’s look at just some of the various ways a date can go wrong mentally or physically and some ways to potentially confront these problems. Just because it’s inevitable certain dates will go wrong doesn’t mean there aren’t ways you can take care of yourself when it happens.

Experiencing deep unpleasantness during a date is something that I, unfortunately, personally experienced in the early weeks of 2024.”

You can read the full piece here

[princessheatherblossom]

Chrysalis on a date 👁️👄👁️ feat. @brawny-buck and Editz Khun (Based off of @crookedbeetles animatic)

[pl4yboy-bunny]

being blacklisted by the friend group because i said lesphobic shit (i won’t even deny it, i absolutely lost my shit).

for some context, i went on a date with a lesbian, and when i say i’ve never met a more man obsessed woman, i’m not kidding. “men suck. women are so much better than men. they can’t do shit” like facts, but like i simply could not fathom why she kept bringing up men on our date. men are boring, why can’t we talk about something elseeee.

anyways, i know calling lesbian man-obsessed is rude, so my bad on that.

and apparently i made her feel “predatory” because i was uncomfortable when she got too touchy. so actually grabbing my thigh randomly is weird. like that one can’t be on me, right?

and then later on she went on another tangent about how she could treat me better and how she’d “turn me” IT’S 2024? WE KNOW BETTER THAN TO SAY THIS? not going to lie, my attraction to men is maybe 10%, but i have never felt a stronger desire to just fuck a man in that moment, purely out of spite.

like genuinely this woman was no better than a man. i’ve had better dates with men who ended up being trumpies which says a lot. worst date of my life. made me question if i even liked women (i do, ms. olsen re-confirmed that for me). like yeah you almost did turn me…STRAIGHT! most effective conversion therapy i’ve experienced.

also the constant self-comparison to men (I DIDN’T EVEN BRING UP MEN, SHE DID) really icked me and she got mad when i called her insecure.

so in the end, me calling her “man-obsessed,” “no better than a man,” “insecure,” and making her feel “predatory” was extremely lesbophobic, and like i disagree. i am herphobic! not afraid of lesbians! i don’t know how i ended up on a date with someone like her! genuinely worse than a man.

but like am i really the villain for losing my shit in this case?

[neomspoint]

[succubusdivinity]

I just went on a date with a girl and she asked for my Zodiac sign so I thought 'what could go wrong?' and told her that I'm an Aquarius, she then proceeded to judge me and say that I'm too toxic for her, I am so tired of people thinking that they know everything about me based on my Zodiac sign, I mean it's fine if you believe in Astrology but don't switch up on me and make false assumptions

[aclaywrites]

Oh this is a great question!! It was about four years ago, one of the last times I dated someone before meeting my Lady Love. The gal and I met on some app and had been chatting, it was time to go out properly, so we arrange a time and she picks me up. She’s cute, works in a nursery (the plant kind) comes by to get me in her truck, so far so good. We head for the restaurant and the concern sets in because she’s the worst driver I’ve ever seen. Squealing around corners, zooming past people, at one point she stopped at a red light then looked around to see there were no other cars, then just accelerated through the light while I screamed and clung to the sissy bar.

We get to the restaurant still in one piece, and sit down to have dinner. It’s ok, good food, rather basic conversation. I’m already getting the idea that this will be our only date when a Vietnamese couple and their kids come and sit at a table not far from us. Date glances over at them, shakes her head, and says “Man, I hate Asians. They’re so sneaky, you know? But hey they’re better than Jews.” I literally dropped my fork into my plate and stared at her open-mouthed for a moment, whereupon she says, ‘After we eat, let’s go somewhere I can fuck you in my car.” I called an Uber and left, blocked her number, etc. The next morning when I woke up, she’d left a big flat of exotic succulents and purple-black flowers which I loved and kept but it did her no good.

(Full disclosure: under different circumstances “After we eat, let’s go somewhere I can fuck you in my car” would be an A+ 💯 thrilling moment which would have me preening and fluttering and rushing through my dessert. No shame.)

[crazygnomenclature]

Not shy about his Hulud, eh?

Webtoon | Insta | Bluesky

Support on Patreon!

[kitschandretro]

I don't think it's going to work out for us, Frosty. I'm just not attracted to mayonnaise gelatin salad molds.

[returnofstiqz]

Gotta get your game up, brother! BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE

"Looks like you need more...EXPERIENCE"

[alittlelezzie]

Ooooof!!!

Date did not go well it was hella awkward and she was suuuuper quiet and a little older than she said she was by a few years.. annoying but, I had already ordered since she got there late… but anyway I get over the age thing and she is like very silent and awkward and so I start trying to ask questions like what’s you coming out story? Etc. Just some questions that I knew usually will get a story out of the person and I’d get to know them a little. She changed the subject to the menu “do you know if they have vodka here?” �� it was 11 am and she’s asking about vodka 🤯😳😓 but then the waitress came and she made a comment about how nice it is that I was taking my mom out for brunch… I just smiled and shook my head no and this date of mine was like damn near biting the poor waitress’s face off started getting loud saying the girl was blind or homophobic! Then once the waitress left after apologizing and nearly crying I tried asking some other date stuff like are you an only child? She replied just “no.” And starts playing on her phone. So I start asking, what do you like to do when you’re not at work. She looked up from her phone and gestured to me and the table. As if to signal dating and going out is what she likes. So finally the food gets to the table and at this point I’m thinking ok maybe it’s nerves she’s gonna loosen up now that the foods here. We start eating, she got some omelette thing and I got blackberry pancakes. So I ask her how her food is and she just nods yes and gives me a thumbs up while looking at the food and taking a bite and scrolling on her phone. ON “HER” THE APP WE MET THROUGH! At that point I’m done and just trying to eat and get out so I stop asking stuff and start to eat the pancakes. BUT THEN some random friend of hers showed up lookin like the face of meth asking her for money! After that I excused myself to the restroom apologized and tipped the waitress and asked her to bring the check as soon as we finish eating and rush us out the door. She happily agrees and tells me she’s sorry this dates bad and I smile and continue on to the restroom. I’m on my way back to the table and the guy who came asking for money is sitting in my spot across from my date EATING OUT OF MY PLATE! Date sees me coming around and tells the guy to move further into the booth to basically sit next to me and that’s when I said fuck it. I grabbed my purse which I had left there (I took my wallet to tip the waitress) and she made a comment like “he didn’t touch any of your food or stuff”. I looked her in the eyes told her the date was now over for me and I tossed a $20 on the table and left. It was sooooo bad you guys!!!

[bihansthot]

Wtf is happening in my life lol I went on two dates last week one good-ish one painful and I have two possibly three dates this week. Someone send help, being this social for a gremlin is very difficult. I suppose I should spill the tea, I went out with a nice metal head last Wednesday and while he’s not exactly my type physically he was nice to be around, pleasant to talk to and a gentleman so I agreed to see him again but we haven’t made plans yet and I’m still holding try outs for be Sol’s boyfriend right? The second date was Friday with a super nerd now don’t get me wrong I’m also a total nerd I mean my dog is named Denethor FFS but we’re the wrong type of nerd. He’s sci-fi and I’m fantasy and while this is poly dating and I knew going into the date he was married I did not know about his three kids under 8 or the couple he and his wife were seeing together nor did I know he was a stay at home dad. All of these are kind of big red flags for me, not being upfront about additional partners HUGE red flag, not knowing about children also huge deal for me. He also took me to a cat cafe without asking prior if I was allergic, thankfully I’m not but these are all pretty big signs he’s concerned for himself and not others. He was also rather large, which don’t get me wrong I have no issues with I’m not a body shamer and my partner is rather heavy too but this guy had a chronic injury so he couldn’t really interact with the kittens so the whole thing was weird from the get go and I know y’all know me, this pillow princess does NOT ride (unless it’s for Bi-Han) so wtf would I gain from this relationship? A guy who already divides his attention between 6 people has no income and I can only see him when the kids are asleep?! Big fucking no. I was pleasant and cordial through out the date and thanked him for taking me but I put on my big girl panties and told him he just had too much going on for me. I’m clingy, I’m needy, I’m also materialistic there’s a reason I met my ex on a sugar daddy website, I can’t be dating a broke ass man who’s seeing three partners and has three kids. I’m sorry if that sounds spoiled but it’s the truth, I NEED to be a priority and I didn’t feel like he could make me one.

I’m tentatively going out with another man this Friday at a barcade which is much more my scene, drinks and video games sound wonderful. Appearance wise he’s still not quite what I go for but better looking than the other two, then Sunday I potentially have a date with a dude who looks like he used to play college football and is physically much more my type he’s also in his mid 40s thank fuck as the others have all been in their 30s. There’s also another one who seems a very good fit who’s asked me out but we haven’t set a date or time yet.

So, yeah that’s what’s going on in my life lately the app is FeeId if anyone else wants to try poly or couples dating and was unaware of the app. I don’t remember the name of the sugar daddy website or I’d hook y’all up too but that ended badly so maybe it’s for the best I don’t remember.

My partner is going out of town for three days so wish me luck that Denny behaves for me and doesn’t drag me around in the snow. Oh yeah! It’s snowed the last two days! My real husband is saying hi 🥰 Maybe it’s a sign of good luck? Maybe one of these upcoming dates will go well then?

[mulchmadness]

That moment when you scare off a date cause you won't advocate for the ethnic cleansing of Palestine.... like ok take the L bro