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austarus · 5 years ago

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Harry Wells x Reader Crisis of Infinite Wells (Part 3 of 5)

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me. It belongs to @countlesswells

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5

*Yes, I know this is super late, but I had so many exams and deadlines shifted due to the transition online. Didn’t help that finals were around the corner either. But I’m back, and hopefully I can make things right with my fics, especially with the fact that we’re not going to get the Alls Wells That Ends Wells episode this season thanks to Ms. Rona (Please don’t come after me T.T). Anywho, this ended up being super, SUPER, long and I have no regrets. I feel that we need this series more than ever. If you already haven’t make sure to check out Part 1 and 2. Don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment, I read them all!

Word Count: 6601

You took in a deep breath, simultaneously opening your eyes to find yourself being hovered over by Caitlin and Cisco

“There’s our sleeping beauty,” Cisco jokes, grinning at you before running back over to the monitors to get a screwdriver.

“Mm, it’s too bright here.” You winced and blinked a few times as your brain had finally registered the bright lights of the Speed Lab. Rubbing your face a few times, you moved slowly to sit up. Stretching your aching body, you cracked a few bones and let out a little noise in contentment. Eyes looking around for a bit, you saw that the Mindscape Machine was still out, and that Cisco had hooked you and Nash onto it. Nash was still knocked out on another bed though because of the sedation. He looked peacefully asleep, as if the weight of his expeditions and the murmurings at the back of his head were gone. He should be coming back soon, I hope.

Cisco noticed where your gaze had gone before grabbing your attention, “Cecile had to go back home to feed a fussy little baby Jenna and Joe, so we ended up resorting to the Mindscape Machine. Went smooth sailing, thanks to our very own resident genius engineer, no thanks needed. All in a good day’s work.”

“I figured when you chimed in saying that we needed to go to the Nexus of Nash’s mind to get out.” You pointed out.

“Nash should be waking up in an hour or so, he’ll be fine I promise. How are you feeling?” Caitlin asked softly as she checked you over for any sign of abnormalities before removing the wires from your head.

“Cold,” goosebumps were already breaking out through your body as a shiver goes down your spine. “Really cold, Caity. Can’t you STAR Labs techies afford heat or something?” You joked, watching a look of fake hurt cross Ciscito’s face, a hand automatically over his heart.

“Dude, it’s like beautiful outside and what am I doing? I was stuck in here babysitting Princess Aurora and Pebble Brain over there until you guys came back to reality. You’re welcome for that, by the way,” Cisco made a face, pointing towards the direction of Nash’s unconscious body with a screw driver before walking back to where you sat, “while fixing these bad boys up,” the mechanical genius gestures dramatically to the tech in the room. “Meanwhile, Barry and Not-Mirror-Iris are on a picnic date in Central City Park enjoying the sunny weather. One which I wanted to do with Not-Mirror-Kamilla first.”

You and Caitlin just giggled at Cisco’s dramatics. Caitlin gave you the ‘all clear’ that your neural functions were still working and that you should be coordinated within your own body.

“So, Persephone,” You rolled your eyes at the nickname and shook your head at the two. Cisco had basically dubbed you and Harry that even before you had gotten together. In secret of course, or else Harry would start throwing things at him for dropping obvious hints of his feelings towards you. It’s at least so much better than Romeo and Juliet because in all honesty, they had a tragic love story and that is something that my love life does not need. More tragedy, internal pain, and suffering. “Did you see your Hades again?”

“I did, yeah.” A soft smile crossed your lips as your mind replays the interaction, your cheeks dusting the lightest color of pink. Your gaze dropped down a bit as Cisco and Caitlin started going “Ooooooo” as if high school gossip girls wanting you to spill the beans while giving you that one look you know all too well. You didn’t have the heart to tell them to stop.

“How is he?” Caitlin asked while Cisco nodded, wanting to know if his friend’s okay.

“He’s good,” you responded with a smitten grin, and then made a little sheepish face. “They’re all good.”

“They?-” Caitlin frowned as she slowly asked with a raised eyebrow.

“-Excuse me? They?” Cisco had a look mixed with dumbfoundedness and disbelief. His mouth slightly open as you saw his mind comprehending that simple sentence. You just nodded with a slightly sheepish grimaced expression. “You-”

“-had to meet the entire Council of Wells and propose to them the Multi-Dimensional idea that could possibly save them all because my boyfriend and a select few of his pals convinced me to since apparently the Wells men tend to have lots of arguments and so they also tend to never get things done sometimes. Yeah. That happened.” You quickly rambling how you met the infinite Council of Wells and then slowed down at the latter sentence with a nod. Cisco and Caitlin were stunned in place as they had tried to keep up with every single word that you said. Before they could even say anything, you spoke up once again as you got off the bed to stand on wobbly legs. “Did I mention that Harry, Sherloque, and Wolfgang are the triumvirate lead of the Council and that Sonny’s their hype man, apparently? I did not ever see that happening.” You ran a hand through your hair, “I have seen things. Standing in a huge lecture-ish mental room in Nash’s mind filled with doppelgangers of Harrison Wells is something I just cannot unsee.”

“No, you can’t.” Cisco added in agreement, his arms crossed. “You met all of them?”

“I mean, sorta. I mainly just stood at the front where the Wells triumvirate take their spots to start their meetings. Ok, so like you know the Galactic Senate from Star Wars where Palpatine and Padme were in?”

“Hell yeah, I do. What do you take me for an uncultured swine?”

“So, like, the layout of the room was sorta styled like that.” Cisco looked slightly mind blown because Star Wars obviously. You located your leather jacket and put it on to have some layer against the cool wind of the AC. “How’s everything coming with the modifications?”

Cisco and Caitlin look at each other before Frost took over for a bit, “I think this is the part where we tell you that they’ve sorta hit a roadblock.”

“Perfect,” you deadpanned, with a slight pain reverberating at the back of your head. I need some coffee, you thought before collecting your things and giving Nash one last glance.

***

I jinxed myself when I told Cisco that I could handle this. Handle them and their stupidity. A frown plastered itself onto Nash’s face, his head throbbing at the legit argument going on at the back of his head. What about? Who the hell knows or cares? Rubbing his face then his temples when the headache started to radiate to the front, the dark-haired explorer let out another annoyed groan as a doppelganger started yelling to contribute to the argument. I have never been more annoyed at the sound of my voice. Nash’s been trying to mentally block them so he himself can think things out, but collectively it hasn’t been succeeding. His heavy footsteps carried him to the Med Bay, thankful that no one was here at this ungodly hour to see him like this. I need an icepack and multiple pills of aspirin. Nash snorted when a mental image of you scolding him for the number of pills he might take to ease the pain was conjured in his mind. You entertained him, is what he told himself, just like the rest of them.

As he entered the Med Bay, the door creaked and the dim lights from the labs allowed him to see a faint silhouette on the bed. Nash raised an eyebrow as he crept slowly towards the bed, gauntlet at the ready.

“Well, speak of the devil,” he whispered to no one in a low voice, forgetting about the throbbing and disgruntled voices in his head. Nash disengaged his gauntlet. On the bed, you were curled up with a thin blanket, clearly still cold, but sound asleep at this hour. Curled up like a kitten and cuddled up to a pillow. Nash’s blue eyes wandered to what’s beside you, seeing multiple papers messily put together and various binders littering the bed. Due to the dimness, he couldn’t really make out any of the writings on the paper at this angle, but the Wells doppelganger can only assume that they’re medical files for Barry and the others.

Nash’s blue gaze snapped back to you when you emitted a small noise as you shuddered. He didn’t know why, but he made a beeline for the cabinets and closets, finding another thin blanket hidden in them. At least two are better than one. He pulled the thin cloth over you, ensuring that you would be a little warmer than before. Nash’s gaze softened slightly at your tired expression that you carried even while asleep. Shutting his eyes for a bit only to reopen them, Nash curled his hand into a fist then uncurled it. He let out an inaudible sigh, his right hand reaching out to gingerly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear-

“-Don’t you dare touch her.”

Nash felt as if he was shocked on the spot, retracting his hand rapidly as he turned around, coming face to face with the source of the voice. Harry stood with his hands in his pants pockets, a glare present on his face as he watched his doppelganger with angry eyes. Clearly unamused that Nash was getting close to you. Harry’s words, precise and cold, had cut through the air like a sharpened knife, but you couldn’t hear him.

Nash swallowed, sending Harry a smile of mockery. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to steal her away from you. Unless-” Nash spoke with a raspy voice.

“-You can’t even if you tried,” Harry retorted without hesitation. Nash rolled his eyes taking a few steps closer to his doppelganger. Both men exuded confidence and intimidation towards one another. “Watch yourself, Nash. I have her heart, just as she has mine.”

“You can keep the little lady, for all I care. She’s just good company, you would know that all too well, wouldn’t you Harry? And what do you know, she still owes me a favor. A favor in exchange for my help. I could have easily said no and kept the both of you separated because why would I care if her little heart remains broken and she loses sleep every night over it?” Nash bit down on the inside of his cheek, ignoring that mental image.

Harry glowered at Nash’s cocky words. “When I get back, I’m going to make you regret those words.”

“Look, I’m not interested in her, Harry. Get over yourself and keep her, she’s not that special anyway.” The tension and malice were intoxicating, hanging heavy in the room.

“Are you kidding me? I’m literally in your mi-”

“-Zhe petit fluer ‘as been overworking ‘erself again.” Nash jumped slightly at the new voice, letting out a frustrated breath before turning his gaze towards the French-accented voice. “And you two are ‘ere arguing over ‘er like ‘igh school boys.” Sherloque stood on the other side of the bed as he examined the papers from his height. He was clearly annoyed at both Nash and Harry, narrowing his eyes with an icy look on his face. “Merde, if you want to ‘ash it out, at least ‘ave zhe decency to do it outside,” Sherloque pointedly spoke, crossing his arms.

Harry and Nash briefly looked at each other before moving their gazes back to Sherloque only to find an empty space beside you. Sherloque had retreated back into Nash’s mind in order to sort things out with Wolfgang and the others. J'ai parlé de mes deux cents à ces deux-là. Sherloque took off his fedora and weaved a hand through his dark locks, glancing at the Nexus of Nash’s mind. “Et ce n'est pas bon de se mentir à toi-même, Nash,” the Frenchmen whispered with a knowing glint in his eyes, a stoic smile on his face.

You scrunched your nose and shuffled into a different position on the bed, almost knocking off a binder stack. Harry ignored Nash’s existence, taking a seat on the chair beside your sleeping form and noticing something that anyone else would have missed if they had not been together with you. Nash watched his Earth-2 doppelganger, seeing a certain look cross through Harry’s eyes. Harry slowly reached a hand out only to drop it knowing that he wouldn’t be able to touch you in this state. His hand formed into a tight fist as he dropped it by his side. Harry heavily sighed, shutting his eyes and running a hand through his hair. Nash raked his teeth over his bottom lip, feeling a tiny shred of guilt at Harry’s inability to be here with you. Reopening his azure irises, Harry’s heart stung, and it reverberated throughout his entire being. Oh, how he yearned to hold you again. To be able to wrap his arms around you and pull you close for warmth.

“She’s still cold,” Harry commented his observation, a slightly sullen expression creeping on his face. He readjusted his glasses. Nash raised an eyebrow at Harry’s words. “Just remember what I said. She’s not a prize. After everything you’ve done, she’d never willingly choose you in any lifetime.”

Nash blinked and Harry was gone, the explorer immediately regained composure of himself and his surroundings. Nash felt the tension leave his body, stretching a bit to relieve his muscles. I swear if I roll my eyes hard enough, they’ll fall out of their sockets. With a sigh, Nash gave you one last look before reluctantly shedding off his jacket and pulling it over you. The dark-haired man left the room without sparing you another glance.

What is even considered a prize anymore?

***

It’s been a couple weeks since you had entered Nash’s mind and spoken to the Wells men. Since then they had collectively collaborated with Barry, Cisco, and Chester via Nash to make necessary modifications and electro-/neuro-magnetic adjustments. “I present to you attempt #29,” Cisco announces, sliding out from behind the machinery, with a tool in hand, “which coincidently is the same number of one of my favorite Pokémon from the original 151 of the benevolent Kanto region.”

“Female Nidoran?” You and Barry both questioned the looked at each other. Nidoran is a pretty decent Pokémon, not gonna lie. Poison capabilities that are deadly with a combination of ground-type moves can really have opponents running for the hills without the proper Pokémon to counter its abilities and possible move-sets.

“What? She’s literally a freaking queen in battle and her move-set has been improving tremendously with every generation.”

“To be honest, Cisco, you always struck me for a Poliwag kind of guy when I first met you,” you quipped up. “But I got to say (Insert Favorite Pokémon Type)-types are more my style.

“Nerds,” Nash snickered to himself lowly. You whipped your head back to him, not clearly hearing his exact murmured words, but hearing his voice. The others didn’t hear anything. Nash dropped his gaze away avoiding your look, but not before narrowing his eyes at you. You just continued on with a questioning look, this time your thoughts circulating on if you’d done anything to offend this Wells doppelganger.

He’s been avoiding you since you had entered his mind, which at first you respected because having someone else enter your mind and intrude is weird enough, so you gave him his space. But then it started to turn into him throwing annoyed looks at you when you spoke, gradually and fully ignoring your existence in the Labs as the days went by. Even to the point of not seeking you for medical attention like he normally did when he injured himself in some way. Instead, Nash went to see Caitlin.

At first you thought nothing of it, Nash probably had his reasons for not wanting to speak to you and you had done nothing wrong in reality that you could recall. But then your anxiety continued to climb as one day passed after another. I’m not a bad physician, am I? I mean, I hope I not. I’ve been doing my best to suture and isolate every variable in order to make correct diagnostics. Nash even ignored you when you asked him if he wanted any coffee when you went on coffee runs. Was it the coffee pun I made? Everyone laughed at it.

“How are the modifications to the dimensional extrapolator coming along?” You asked turning your gaze back to the boys. You sort of regretted asking because you know that they’re going to start talking all quantum physics and math at you.

“Well, after analyzing the multiverse extrapolator and running diagnostics it’s… actually not fit to be modified,” Chester explained, holding up the piece of tech.

“Is that the bad news?” You raised an eyebrow at them, glancing back at Nash for any input, but were greeted with silence.

“I mean, this little baby over here may not be as functional as before, but it does still hold a variety of multiversal coordinates. In which we could cross reference those numbers with any pocket dimension coordinates that we happen to stumble across. Which I’ve got to say is so friggen cool! My world just keeps exploding, first there were multiple universes and doppelgangers, then black holes- but I created that on accident- my bad, by the way-” Chester continued in a quick ramble with a huge and excited grin on his face. If you didn’t know better, he seemed as eccentric as the energizer bunny, you just nodded along politely. “-And now we’ve got pocket dimensions! We really are breaking all the rules of physics-”

“-Chester, grab me the-”

Barry leaned in close, cutting off your focus from Chester’s hyper rant and Cisco’s shout, “We basically need to develop a new extrapolator.”

“That makes much more sense, but I was following Chester’s rant, thank-you-very-much. Sort of. ” you nodded sheepishly at your friend before sending him a teasing smile. Barry held his hands up in defeat. Barry let out a laugh. “How’s Iris?”

The speedster nodded, directing his gaze to the side so you two can side bar. “She’s doing ok, keeping an eye on Eva while running the Citizen. The headaches have receded, but she’s a bit disoriented at times. I’ve had Cisco and Chester install different meta security measures in case Black Hole decides to make a guest appearance.”

“But is she ok? Mentally?”

“She’s… jumpy at times. Iris told me she trusted Eva when she entered Joseph’s hidden lab. That Eva was the reason that she doubted herself in seeing the truth and her instinct that Iris’s always trusted. She told Kamilla the same thing. We’re trying to work through it.”

You patted Barry’s back, “Just let me know if I can do anything to help. If it means anything, Harry taught me how to use his pulse rifle for a worst-case scenario.” You grinned up at him, secretly always wanted to have a reason to put your sessions with Harry to the test.

Barry chuckled and shook his head, knowing that Harry would kill him if he had allowed you to be put in harm’s way. “I think we’ll be good, but thanks for the tip.” You pouted at your best friend before a small laugh leaves your lips.

Nash took a glimpse of you over his shoulder as you giggled at your best friend. He thanked the stars that he was able to reuse the tech from an older MAD produced by Harry and synthesized it to become a mental block between him and the other Wells so that they wouldn’t interfere with his thoughts or pop up randomly. Nash called it Psyche Block. All he had to was to make sure it was on whenever he was in the labs. She hasn’t been sleeping well. He could oddly tell with one look. That small moment of weakness allowed the sharpened tool in his hand to slip his grip and pierce the skin through his entire palm. The dark-haired Wells let out a sudden gasp, blood oozed out profusely. A few droplets had fallen onto the hard drive of the Neural Splicer, short-circuiting it. Your ears caught the noise somehow, frowning your eyes caught Nash leaving with quick steps.

“I-I gotta go…” you whipped your head back to Barry, who had watched the glances that you had thrown at the Wells doppelganger since you entered the room. You pointed to the Speed Lab’s exit, “Do this… this thing.” Barry nodded with a teasing grin at your awkward attempt to excuse yourself, gesturing towards to door.

You were already leaving as you spoke to the speedster. Entering the corridor with swift feet you slightly managed to catch up to Nash. Damn him and his long legs.

“Nash!”

Nash’s blood ran cold at the sound of your voice. He willed himself to not look back, instead to carry on his way to the Med Bay. You saw that he clearly ignored you, which caused an ache to echo throughout your body. With every fiber of your being, you sprinted forward as fast as you could to come to a stop right in front of him causing the geological myth-buster to stop as well, midway to the medical room with an irritated façade on his features. Nash remained silent as you caught your breath, he held a cautious hand out to put up distance between you both, to not have you come any closer.

You opened your mouth to question him instantly at his gesture, but your eyes quickly caught sight of his bloodied hand. Sharp instincts assessing that the wound had been the cause of his escape from the Speed Lab. “You’re hurt.” You ignored his eye roll, taking a step forward and snatching his hand gingerly to examine it. He hadn’t realized that he stopped you with his bloodied hand. The droplets of red had splattered onto the concrete floor, creating a puddled mess of crimson. “Nash this needs stitches. Immediately.” Looking up at him, Nash exhaled roughly side-glancing away in frustration before meeting you with cold eyes. But you did not yield under the coldness. “I can suture this. All we nee-”

“-I don’t need your help,” was his rapid and frosty response. He blinked at you, holding his ground.

“Then who’s help are you going to need, huh!? Caitlin? Last time I checked she was at her mother’s facility because of the bullet-light-energy shot that Black Hole gave her,” You frowned deeply at him with fiery eyes, you had never combusted like this in a really long time. “Can you suture this by yourself?” You asked rhetorically. “This cut is too deep to just put a band aid on it and call it a day.” Nash opened his mouth to retaliate, but you cut him off in a softer voice. “I know that you hate me,” Nash narrowed his eyes at those words, “but let me help you.”

Nash pursed his lips, looking into your pleading eyes and inwardly cursed himself. With a sigh, the older man followed you to the Med Bay, where you proceeded to stitch him up and fully sterilize the wound from the blood and bacteria/bacteriophages that could enter the cut.

“You’re only looking after me because of Harry.” You heart stopped at the sudden words, slicing the air of the room. “What? Nash, that’s not true.”

Nash let out a mirthless laugh. “Isn’t it?”

“It’s not, I can’t believe you would even think that.” You berated him with a serious look, but he just waved you off. You pursed your lips at the silence. “Why do you hate me?” You looked up as you finished your work, eyes meeting his light blue colored ones that you had stared into before. Nash licked his lips, eyes darting to anything else, avoiding the kicked puppy look on your face.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Was it the coffee pun?”

“No”

“The Pokémon nerd talk?”

“Unfortunately, no”

“Then, what is it?”

“It’s- I…” He started, taking a breath in. “Quae dicunt, facite vobis cor eius. Quod pertinet ad eum. Nusquam potuerunt alium, qui non pertinent ad quis enim concupíscit.” The dark-haired man raked an uninjured hand through his hair as he fisted his wounded one, feeling its stitching.

“What?” You raised an eyebrow in confusion. Nash stubbornly shook his head, not wanting to repeat his words.

“Nash, I don’t understand what foreign, dead language you just spoke, but you’re my friend. I’m always going to care for my friends, even and especially when I’m involved with Harry. They’ll always be in my heart, no matter what. And that includes you too, you stubborn idiot.” You grinned at him with sincere intention, placing a hand gently on his clenched fist. A reluctant smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Now, you need to let that heal. So, no tech tinkering or spontaneous adventures in the middle of the day until the stitches come off, doctor’s orders.” You winked, smiling widely at him. You moved to leave the room, throwing one last look back at him.

Don’t- Don’t fucking do that, Nash bittersweetly thought to himself as he rubbed his face when you left the room. Don’t give me that… that smile, saying things like that. He sighed for the nth time that day, unfurling his hand to observe your handiwork.

***

You entered Nash’s mindscape once more, searching for Harry to spend some time with him. Nash had opted to stay behind until you were ready to leave his mind, particularly moody about not wanting to see his doppelgangers because he sees enough of them. He had upgraded the MAD 2.0 so that Cecile’s presence and powers wouldn’t be required for today. Nash, the Wells, and the Team Flash boys have been working closely the past couple of days to ensure that the Psyche Segregator (that’s the current name for all the machines interwoven together) would be fully functional. The extrapolator was essentially finished, it just needed the proper orientation for dimensional coordinates that the Wells doppelgangers would need to report.

You walked down the rocky caves of Nash’s mind before hitting a modern looking corridor that similarly belonged to a level in STAR Labs. With a questioning look, your feet continued on as you decided the top floor would be the place that Harry should reside in with Sherloque and Wolfgang. Entering the vacant elevator and ascended each level, you soon found yourself in front of what looks to be Harry’s office from Earth-2.I guess you can change the layout of things if you’re the Mindscape’s master. You pushed the door open, the lights automatically illuminating the room before scanning the area to find it vacant. Your shoulders sagged a bit. Where is he? I thought Nash told Harry that I was coming. Glancing around a bit, you took a seat at the main desk, finding Harry’s glasses. You made the mistake of putting them on as Harry entered the room with a coffee mug in hand. Harry froze at the door as your gaze instantly locked onto his, glasses still on his face. You blinked at one another. It didn’t take long from a wicked grin to cross his handsomely rugged features at the sight of you.

“Don’t you know you shouldn’t take what’s not yours?” Harry shut the door and came around the desk. So he decided not to show up this time. Harry quickly dismissed the thought from his mind, shifting his focus more to you. He noted your exhaustion and would berate you regarding it later.

“Who said they couldn’t be mine?” You teased back as you stood up, slipping the black frames off you and folding them to clip the glasses onto the collar of your top. Harry let out a deep chuckle, a giggle leaving your own. Your boyfriend set down his cup of java on the upper corner of the desk and dipped down to kiss you. He nipped at your lips when you responded to his sweet kiss before pulling away. Harry enjoyed the slight flush on your cheeks, a reaction only he could elicit with his existence. “What was that for?”

“What? I can’t give my lady a kiss?”

This smooth fucker. The heat in your heart intensified at his words and adoring gaze. You were going to unclip his glasses and hand them to him, but his hand stopped you. To anyone observing the scene, they can literally see heart eyes happening between the two of you. “Your lady may want more than just a simple kiss,” You giggled, your voice lowly enticing before pulling him back in, cupping his face with steady hands as your lips collided. Harry let out a laugh against your mouth, bracing his arms around your waist only to maneuver you to sit atop the cool desk.

Gasping at the sudden movement, Harry pushed his tongue into your mouth. You allowed him to slot himself between your legs, pulling him closer and running feather-light touches through his untamed hair. He groaned against you at your touch. God, you missed this closeness! Every time his lips met yours in fervor his grip on your hips would tighten slightly, sending a small shiver to run down your spine. How is it that this all feels so real?

His name escaped your swollen lips when Harry decided to head south, nipping at the nape of your neck before sucking on your sweet spots. How could he forget where you’re most vulnerable to his touch? Your hands gripped onto his shirt. A small noise left your lips, tilting your head more to the side to give the Harry more access to continue his conquest. The room felt hot, your body on fire at every one of Harry’s kisses as he marked your skin. You breathed his name again and Harry could not think straight. One of his strong hands left your side and cradled your face as his lips re-connected with yours once more in a searing kiss. His thumb gently stroked your cheek. How can the way you simply utter his name allow Harrison Wells to abandon all self-control?

Sherloque strode into the room with his cup of tea only to almost drop it at the scandalous scene in front of him. “Mon Dieu! Ayez de la décence!” You and Harry had ripping apart from each other at the sudden outburst, both of your heads snapping towards him. Harry sent a glare at Sherloque, who responded with an annoyed eyeroll at the couple. “At least lock zhe door if you’re going to get all ‘andsy wizh each ozher,” the detective grumbled before leaving the room and shutting the door. Your cheeks were on fire at this point, opting to look at your folded hands that rest on your lap. But Harry did not look ashamed in the slightest, instead a smirk on his face at your sudden bashfulness. You soon snapped out of your embarrassment when a thought had crossed your mind.

“Harry?”

“Hm?”

“Did you say anything to Nash?”

“No,” he lied, glancing up towards the ceiling.

“Uh huh,” you looked at him dubiously with narrowed eyes, “you know that I can tell when you’re lying, right?” You spoke with crossed arms.

“…” Harry’s eyes met yours and you raised a questioning eyebrow at him for an answer. He briefly shut his eyes before reopening them, “I may have… warned him not to come near you and such.”

“Warned or seriously threatened to utterly destroy?”

“… maybe a bit of both…”

“Harry!”

“What?! Do you not see the way he looks at you?”

“The way he what!? Harry, he’s my friend. Just like Sherloque and HR.” You sighed as he pouted sheepishly at you. “Honestly, you know I only have eyes for you.”

“I know, it’s just…” Harry trailed off.

“It’s just?”

“I’m not here. Physically here, to be by your side. To go home with you at the end of the day. Especially at the labs when other versions of myself show up out of nowhere and seem to try to get all chummy with you.”

You blinked at Harry a few times. “Are you… jealous?” Harry didn’t respond, grumpily frowning at your words as he attempted to avoid your gaze. He didn’t like that word. “You are, aren’t you?” The butterflies in your stomach fluttered as you teased him, knowing that his silence was proof enough. Harry sighed, pulling you in a close hug and you felt his head nod in dejection. Harry didn’t want to admit it out loud, that’s just how he is. You rubbed his back, “You know it’s ok to be jealous, right?” Harry let out a sarcastic exhale, resting his chin on your shoulder. You kissed the side of his head, “How do you think I felt every time a young bachelorette sauntered her way towards you at all those galas that we attended? All those thirst cubes you kept receiving? I swear Jesse had to hold me back before I was about to throw some hands, verbally and politely, but effectively scathing.”

Harry snickered at how you’ve dubbed the cubes he’s received from various women ‘thirst cubes’. “Every night, you were the only thing that I would see.” You gave him a tight squeeze before pulling away to give him a soft kiss.

“And you’re the only Wells that my heart wants to be with.” You smiled up at him before it suddenly dropped.

“What?” Fear grappled Harry’s heart. “What is it?”

You swallowed your own fear that had climbed into your throat. “It’s just… this is the last time that I’ll see you before… we have the systems go online to-” You trailed off as you directed your gaze to the ground, gesturing to your theory going into action as you did so. Harry pursed his lips, tilting your head up to look at him. Your eyes glistened in the calm lighting of the office, your voice cracking, “I’m not going to be there when you wake up, Harry.” The realization struck him as well, his eyes glancing down for a split second before meeting yours again.

“I’ll still find you. I’ll still come for you on Earth-Prime.”

There was a sudden knock at the door that snapped yours and Harry’s attention towards it, followed by a clearing of the throat and a thick German accent. “If you bozh are done in zhere, I’d like for eine kleine assembly to ‘appen.”

***

Diese beiden schwöre ich. “I don’t… even vant to know vhat you two vere doing.” Wolfgang deadpanned, holding blueprints in one hand and adjusting his glasses. Sherloque stood beside him with a new cup of tea in hand, this time without a fedora.

“We would never-”

“-We were having fun.”

You stumbled over your own words while Harry had owned up to his. You failed to realize the light hickies still on your neck until Wolfgang narrowed his eyes at you and Sherloque rolled his eyes as he watched the exchange. Harry knew they were there; he just didn’t point out that they were visible arm’s length away. Damn it, Harry! Your cheeks heated up and now you’re wondering if your real body now has hickies on them because there’s about to be some words thrown your way by two or three particular members of Team Flash.

“Ah ah ah ah, nein. None of zhat,” the German waved you two off with his hand, “just keep your ‘ormones at a decent level until ve get our bodies back. Zhen you two idiotenliebhaber can do whatever it is you two do when not in a crisis.” You dipped your head down shyly, but that didn’t stop your boyfriend from nudging your side and giving you a smug-ass grin. You glowered at him as he wiggled his eyebrows at you before Wolfgang caught your attention again. “Anyvay, ve need to discuss somezhing else vizh you. Sherloque und I vill also be coming to Earzh-Eins.”

“Why?”

“In case,” Harry started, “I don’t make it in time to recalibrate the Multiversal Communications Projector before all the others. Earth-Prime will essentially give the green light to the others in the multiverse to send in their coordinates.”

“We’ve already figured out Earzh-Prime’s dimensionale coordinates,” Sherloque added in. “Une sécurité intégrée vaut mieux que rien.”

You nodded at their words. I mean it makes sense, but… Wolfgang took out a couple sheets of paper that had been rolled up and hidden in the rolled-up blueprint file, handing it to you. “What’s this?”

“Ein liste of names of all the present Vells who’s neurological vavelengths are entangled vith Nash’s,” Wolfgang stated nonchalantly. “It seems zhat some Earzh are either permanently vacant or do not ‘ave ein Vells.”

“Like Kara’s Earth, old Earth I guess,” You responded, holding the sheets. “She’s Supergirl, used to live on Earth-38. Barry had accidentally multiverse jumped to Earth-38, thanks to Harry. He said that no one from Team Flash’s doppelgangers were on Earth-38, unlike Earth-2 and Earth-19.” Earth-19 Your eyes scanned the list; Wolfgang had done you a great favor in numbering it in Earth order. Could he..? The thought was soon shut out as you looked through the list.

Harry watched as your shoulders sagged, knowing who you were looking for. He pocketed his hands as a fake smile plastered itself onto your face.

***

The day had finally come. It’s time for the boys to come back home. Everyone had gathered in the Speed Lab. The machinery interconnected to one another as if interwoven into one mechanical creature. Your heart pounded in your chest and those dubious thoughts returned, but you willed them back. You needed to believe that this can work. Chester and Cisco were calibrating the tablets and satellites, running newer and improved diagnostics for this moment.

“That favor, that you owe me,” Nash’s voice caught your attention, snapping you out of your trance. You looked up at him with a quizzical look.

“Yeah?”

“I’m cashing it in,” Nash’s voice rasped as he took your hand. You humored the geological explorer. “Protect Allegra,” he whispered, his eyes glancing in her direction as her was turned because she was added the finishing touches with Cisco. The simple wish had surprised you, yet at the same time it didn’t in the slightest. “Please.” He sounded like a dying man marching to his death. And in a way he was if this doesn’t work.

“Always,” you nodded at him. Leaning up, you kissed his forehead softly before placing the Psyche Segregator on his head. “Thank you.” Nash remained silent and only closed his eyes as he sat back down. Releasing a breath, he reopening those piercing blue eyes filled with determination, but you can see that behind it there was a form of fear. He nodded. You nodded back at him, taking a step backwards before looking at the others. It’s time. Cisco handed you the tablet that held the ignition keys. You took in a breath, the weight of the tablet seemingly heavier than ever before. A multiverse of lives held within the tips of your fingers, only fate will decide if they live or die.

Your eyes met Nash’s one last time. Doubt choked your heart, but there was no going back. “Here we go,” you spoke each word slowly before pressing the button to ignite the Psyche Segregator.

Translations (Via Google Translate):

French

J'ai parlé de mes deux cents à ces deux-là - I've spoken my two cents to those two

Et ce n'est pas bon de se mentir à toi-même, Nash - And it's not good to lie to yourself, Nash.

Mon Dieu! Ayez de la décence! - My god! Have some decency!

Une sécurité intégrée vaut mieux que rien - A failsafe is better than nothing

Latin

Quae dicunt, facite vobis cor eius - Your heart is its own treasure

Quod pertinet ad eum - It belongs to him

Nusquam potuerunt alium, qui non pertinent ad quis enim concupíscit. - It could never belong to anyone else who yearns for you.

German

Idiotenliebhaber - idiot lovers

Diese beiden schwöre ich - These two, I swear

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malefi-andromeda · 4 years ago

Photo

Long Winding Road Stay Strapped My Dude

By: Astoria Cathryn Andromeda

Alrighty, this is a long one boys. So I touched briefly on this in my Welcome to Literally Everything post. No worries I'll recap you, so you don't have to switch back and forth. I just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and then ADHD when I was 18 years old, and even then I had to fight for it after countless hours of research. See, there seems to be a wee bit of misogyny in the neurodiverse diagnoses. When I say a wee bit, I mean that scientists used to think that only boy could be autistic or ADHD. They only studied autism in males. Fortunately, nowadays we know that girls can be autistic and/or ADHD, but we present the traits differently than boys, and a lot of our traits are played off due to gender roles in society. For example, being overly talkative in girls is called chatty, whereas boys who can't sit still are sent off for testing immediately. This also causes problems for the boys, because little Johnny gets put on Adderall at the ripe age of 6 years old, just because he can't sit still for 8 hours straight, which by the way should not be expected of any elementary school kid, By the time, he's 25 he's 1) completely dependent on amphetamines 2) his body will stop producing dopamine due to being on the medication for so long. Nicht Gut. Generally, boys who are on the spectrum get picked out earlier due to late speaking, or lack of social skills. This is the one thing that girls happen to do better than boys. Girls are good at masking, which is basically taking social traits, phrases, personalities, demeanor, and copying them. In public, they put on a mask and at home, they have a meltdown. Girls are still not picked up as being on the spectrum, because shyness is called being 'ladylike' and 'dainty', and having a meltdown is just because :( girls are oh-so emotional, boohoo. Anyways tons of women do not get diagnosed with autism until they are well into their adulthood, I actually can be considered lucky to have technically still been a teenager when we finally got all the pieces together.

Alright, let's start with I don't know me as a baby. I did not speak until I was 2 years old, and then it was immediately full sentences from then on. I didn't do the babbling thing, which I don't know how impactful that really is to the topic. I was a very shy little girl. I was teeny tiny, we didn't know I if I was going to make it to 5 feet tall until I had a big growth spurt in 7th grade. I am 5'2 now and definitely done growing in case you were wondering, so not that short anymore. I did not like talking to adults, especially strangers, especially men. I did not look anyone in the face, and I will always hide behind my parent's legs when they would try to introduce me to people. I am an only child, and I spent a lot of time entertaining myself. I always had seasonal affective disorder, where my grades would dip in the winter. My parents knew I had a timer, they had 45 minutes from the moment they stepped into a restaurant before I would start breaking down. If I got off schedule as a toddler in any form, it was a catastrophe. Or this is what my parents and family tell me. I didn't really notice. I did not like being out in public a lot, I was a very picky eater, and I was extremely hyper. I was a very eccentric child, I only had 1-2 close friends and they were always a very well-liked outgoing girl who I just followed around. Looking back, I don't know how we missed it. I was shy because I didn't understand how social interactions worked, I was anxious about it because I didn't understand, I had sensory overloads, routines, and a very bland diet with a safe food which was ketchup. I put that shit on literally everything, eas, apples, mac and cheese, pizza, all meat, anything something forced me to eat that I did not like. But because I could sit still in class, and because I could zone out and daydream all day through school and still make A's nobody ever flagged me for anything and how I was supposed to know that not everybody just copied other people, scripted things before they talked, and could never pay attention. My mom always required me to be in a sport, and I was a gymnast and a swimmer for a long time, two very high-intensity sports, to help lower my energy levels, and because my mom has mild depression and she knows that exercise does help. Skip to middle school, my mom tells me I'm being bullied at church. It's not that I wasn't observing my surroundings I knew I was being excluded, but I didn't understand vindictive behavior, I thought it was my fault. I had zero friends in 8th grade until I sat down next to a random acqutaince I had gone to school with since I was 4 and the same gymnastics place. Then we were immediately attached at the hip after that. She is my best friend due this day and definitely got me through high school. Led me through so many social situations without either of us knowing. I had a very close friendgroup in highschool, all of them were on the drumline which I met through my best friend, and my first boyfriend was my best friend's neighbor. I ended up playing bass guitar for my high school's indoor drumline, and it was the best experience ever. I love my friends, but I had really bad depression when I was 15-now:) jk It's better. I didn't really realize I was depressed, I just didn't want to go to school, or swim practice, or do anything so of course, my mom noticed, and then once it was pointed out to me it got worse. My severe anxiety spiraled with my depression. Senior year of high school, my boyfriend and I were like toxic star crossed lovers, hurting each other over and over again without meaning to. My friends and I were self harming, all my close friends gad some demon going on. I finally decided to try therapy again after the disaster of being forced to go when I was 15 and the lady told me I wasn't depressed because I had a boyfriend and good grades. It helped a bit, I was able to get my panic attacks under control. Then I went away to college and stayed dating my senior high school boyfriend, we were just up and down as always, but with slightly better communication. My freshman year of college I joined a fraternity, a research lab, and my first hs boyfriend/ex/best friend and I went to a Christian campus place. By second semester, I had a lot of people who knew me and talked to me, but I didn't have any close friends, and even less close friends who were girls. All my close friends who were girls were at another college. My parents were worried about me, so they made me rush a sorority, which I knew was never my scene, but my parents made me join and I found a few girls I liked. Soon I was going to 6 classes, fraternity chapter, research lab meetings, christain crash group meetings, soriorty pledge meetings all on every Tuesday. I was different person at each of these events and wore a different mask. I was having what I know now were autistic burnout meltdowns every single day on the phone in my crusty dorm's stairwell. It was not cute. His mental health had always been bad too. Finally I decide I need to try a psychatrist and go back to therapy, and then he broke up with me. Then I made my first close friend, a guy who was in 3 of classes, and I took him to my fraternity's formal, and then coronavirus happened. Rona kinda saved my grades, and mental health by sending us home event though it did suck. I got on anti-anxiety meds and things went up, but I was still having what I thought were panic attacks, they were austistic meltdowns. My psychiatrist, he's kinda an asshole, he diagnosed me with Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I'll insert definition here: (OCPD) is a personality disorder that's characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.> Basically hr told me I had rules for everything like how everyone drives on the right side of the road, but nobodythinks about it andwhen I broke one of my rules I got depressed, and when wasn't perfect I got depressed, and when I made an A I was relieved not proud. The diagnosis seemed to fit really well, and my therapist and I started working finding my rules, and getting rid of the bad ones, and making the others less harsh. I had thought every once and in a while in my life when I was really upset, what if I'm on the spectrum, because I just felt so hopeless for social interactions and I didn't understand. I always felt like I was a very specific person, but after the ocpd I started thinking more and more, and I saw a tik tok of a girl with lae diagnosed autism basically describing me and ranting about the misogyny. I did more research and I decide, yea I'mm gonna bring it up to mypsychatrist well he's a dick, so he was like um you don't act like sheldon cooper from the Big Bang theory,and I was like wellI just I have always thought I might have adhd like be neureodiverse, and he was like your grade point average in hs was a 97.8%, you're not adhd. I immediately cried, because I can't handle when anyone says anything in a even a slightest stringent tone. I'm baby, I know lmao. It made me angry though because I felt like he just brushed away all of my struggles I had in my whole life. I spent hours researching and typed up a 47 page document on evidence for why I was on the spectrum, and had my parents help will some of checklists to make sure I was getting outside perspectives. I rally my parents to be my back up and next psychiatrist appointment we actually talk about it and he asked my parents questions about when I was young and such and finally he was okay you're on the spectrum. I felt so validated and like I could start being myself. I slowly got more and more confident, changed my style of clothing, and researched more about adhd pushed to be tested, and oh look at that I also have ADHD. So basically discourse: "I feel like as a child I coded a machine to do life for me so I didn’t get bothered except I didn’t know about the machine I thought i was the machine and now I’ve become self aware and I have to learn how to read the code and rewrite the code because it’s dysfunctional because I’m not functioning well as a human being. I was really shy as a child. I would turn beat red when people talked to me or looked at me so I think I started cookie cutting situations and using them over and over again because they worked until I accidentally hard wired these expansion rules and expectations for myself. I didn’t may attention is class ever I just day dreamed and if I got good grades i wouldn’t be bothered i could just stay in my head and if I did my sport well my parents didn’t bother me. I was never asked if I did my homework I just did it so I wouldn’t be asked and have to deal with that situation. I would cookie cutter situations in class that would draw the least attention to myself.

I feel like i don’t have friends I just fulfill the expectation like a side quest on video games" I wrote this down pre autism confirmation when i just thought I had ocpd. Now I don't directly identify with ocpd, but I definitely think I developed that personality disorder a bit from living with undiagnosed autism. I am linking below the very informative Tik Toks by the lovely Paige on autism in girls. The imposter syndrome one really hit home. I had had so many panic attacks about thinking I tricked people into being my friend, or thinking I was smart.

I highly suggest watching these short tik toks, you'll definitely learn something

https://vm.tiktok.com/wVvcYA/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqRRUf/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnqhvX/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqeyYg/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnoE7u/

https://vm.tiktok.com/Kas6gB/

https://vm.tiktok.com/owM9hs/

Imposter syndrome

I am also linking an article about Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory and Autism that explains why my psychiatrist was wrong, and also I am a girl and the spectrum is called a spectrum because it's a fucking spectrum no two autistic people are exactly the same it's like a color wheel.

http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/problem-sheldon-cooper-and-cute-autism-387783

Here is a fun comic about the spectrum and how to view it.

https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

I am still learning about myself, and how to be me, and how to be myself but without breaking bad social rules. It's quite humorous though because I'll learn something is related to autism and I'm like oh shit again, like still, like, we're still discovering things.

"Tu ne me manques pas"

Bis später,

Astoria.

#asd #autisminwomen #autism #actuallyautistic #aspie #aspie memes

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btxtreads · 4 years ago

Text

ANOTHER TAG ASHJHJASD

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @txthearteu

tagging @markhyucknorenminchenji @qtsoobin @beomberry @txtdiaries and other people who wanna do it idk

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course, none other than king943 hSJADJSAJHAS. He’s a little secret I’ll let you all in on: the first person I actually noticed in TXT was,,,,,,, Kang Taehyun hSDHJAHJSDAHSA but he wasn’t my bias. I just thought he was cute (also amused me bc my BTS bias was Taehyung and I found a guy named Taehyun cute), but I didn’t stan them then. I started stanning when I saw ONE DREAM.TXT where they talked to BTS and found them really cute and endearing. Looking into them, they were wild, and chaotic and so fun and also i got rEAAAALLY attached to Soobin. So here I am. There u go, my stanning story.

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a famous actress or singer hJSHADJSA

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Went to a theme park. I miss going to theme parks 🥺

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

hmmm most of the time i just go out with just my phone and money unless I need to bring a bag due to safety concerns/more items needed. So I’d say nothing unconventional.

favourite type of plushies and why?

God do I seem boring hsahsajjsa but i wasn’t too big on plushies. I had a gigantic teddy bear named Justin when I was a kid (it’s a bear with shades that my brother gave me) and I used to buy plushies whenever I’m in disneyland, it’s all in my sister’s reading lounge. The only plushie in my room now is a Mollang doll wearing like a blue shirt/dress, it’s my favorite rn It’s squishyyyy

favourite song right now?

right now, it’s Work It by Sabrina Carpenter.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

Dancing (i literally suck. i have no idea how. no joke), Vocal Lessons (had some lessons briefly for like a year but i stopped and want to take some again), music production, acting, hosting

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

ok okok so one time in our class groupchat we were talking about class elections for officers. There were muse votes and some people were saying they want me to be the muse but i didnt want to bc i was busy with work. Then they started saying that they want me to be the muse and this guy that i rejected be the escort. while this is happening, i was simping hard for soobin in another chat. anyways, i got everything mixed up and accidentally sent the soobin simp stuff to the class chat and everyone thought i was simping for the classmate i rejected i was so asHAMED.

headphones or speakers? why?

speakers! idk i just like blastic the music loud.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

anything with cheese

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since its free for me askjjksad someone pays for my subscription lmaooo

😌✌️

questions from cj to me:

android or apple? why?

APPLE because im loyal 😌 and i guess im just used to it so its easier to use for me + all my gadgets at home are mac

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

I think there should be a good balance of both. The words will have the ability to give you this sense of comfort and satisfaction and you know just overall a peace of mind when you hear the right words??? and physical affection bc sometimes it’s just better to get a hug or a kiss isntead of talking yk? actions speak louder than words sometimes

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

Honestly, this would depend. If I’m reading a book and feeling very vintage with a hot cup of coffee, definitely a rocking chair. If I’m watching TV and basically just chilling I’d go for Bean Bag. I like maintaining the atmosphere.

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

I view it as in-between, because there’s always room for improvement. There’s always things to change, and consider, and make better. There’s no such thing as perfect.

If someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

Please stop corona right now and let everyone go back to their daily lives and please let me attend a TXT concert bls im begging on my kNEES

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

Give me Soobin I just want to give him a hug. this is valid i can hold him

favorite season and why

Winter! Even if I’ve never experienced snow or winter before, the whole idea of snow is just really fun and endearing to me. One of my bucketlists is to see snow in real life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always been this person to prefer the cold over heat.

what made you enter tumblr?

I’ve always been here! Just not in kpop tumblr. I’ve since deleted my old accounts and shame but i came back to write. It’s always been so stress-relieving to me, to write without any expectations on my back because I’m thinking about grades or a competition. Also Soobin simping is a daily thing and I gotta release it somewhere man

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

Yes. I may not be the richest or the prettiest, or smartest or whatever, but I have a good family that loves me. I have good friends that support me and I have TXT and BTS to help me cope when things get overwhelming. I have a job that gives me a little bit of income (it’s not too common for college students here to get jobs like in the US, most of them just focus on acads) and all the means to continue my education amidst the pandemic. So really, I’m grateful for where I am now.

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

Why do you have to do me dirty cj,,,,, prolly online. I may not get to hug them or anything but I get to talk to them still. As may times as I want to. And as a girl whose sanity literally just depends on Soobin giggles rn it’ll be very therapeutic to me to see them and talk to them as much as I could, even just through a screen.

QUESTIONS FROM ME TO YOU:

Cinema or Netflix? Why?

Fire or Rain? Why?

What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a KPOP stan?

How do you handle stress?

Favorite Disney Princess and why?

Which fictional character do you say you relate the most to?

How did you get into KPOP?

What kind of merch you got 👀

Would you date a KPOP idol? What would you do if you do date one? (doesnt have to be your bias, just wanna see what y’all would do)

Would you rather be with someone you love but doesn’t love you back or be with someone that loves yu but you don’t love them back? (Or, as the Filipinos would say, Mahal ko o Mahal Ako)

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: rina

birthday: -

zodiac: gemini

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5′2 like 2 years ago, i probably grew like an inch or two

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: bts and txt fanfics to read hasjhsahj

blog established: ,,,,, i cant remember askjjksdjkdsa but the blog is only a few months old!

followers: 384!!! love yall

FAVORITES

favourite animals: b u n n y y y y y

favourite books: CAMP HALF BLOOD SERIES BY RICK RIORDAN IM ZEUS’ DAUGHTER YALL

favourite colour: black, blue, purple

favourite fictional characters: Percy Jackson, Jaron from Ascendance Trilogy, Chimmy!!! hihi

favourite flower: white roses

favourite scent: coffee

favourite season: winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 3-5 or 8-10.

cats or dogs: dogs because cats scare me

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee!!! especially if it’s iced and sweet

current time: 12:21 AM

dream trip: California. Look I have the visa, pls miss rona. just leave so cali can just let me IN

dream job: actress or singer

hobbies: writing, reading, watching crackvids

hogwarts house: gryffindor

last movie watched: Work It (bc it has sabrina carpenter ahshsahsa i have low standards when we talk about Sabrina)

last song listened to: Helpless - Hamilton OBC

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, I would go on a date in high school. Also try to exert more effort in my appearance back then i looked like an honest to god M E S S (tbh i still do but now i have eyebrow liner on) hsajhsajhh

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to (at the moment)

Run Away - TXT

Work It - Sabrina Carpenter

Euphoria - BTS

Song Cry - Yeonjun

Helpless - Hamilton OBC

Satisfied - Hamilton OBC

Journey to the past - Anastasia OBC

Lost in the Woods - Frozen OST

Perfect Song - Sabrina Carpenter

Friends - BTS

#tags #tagging #tagged yet again #sadjkjksdajad #what a mess #im so basic wtf

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saikagerights · 5 years ago

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A New Possession- Entry #11

THIS JOURNAL LIVES!

After nearly 3 weeks, I finally have a new entry just for you! And it's a juicy one. I kind of went all over the place with this one, but on the bright side, it's over 1k words. Perfect for my comeback.

Work has been kicking my ass lately, and so has my inspiration from the Newlyweds one shot. Unfortunately for this fic, there may be another time where I switch gears to work on something else, so it's not as if I don't want to continue this fic, it's just that other ideas overtake this one.

But do not fear, because I plan on prioritizing this fic in the near future. Thanks for the support as always

LONG LIVE THE JOURNAL!

Also available on AO3

February 14

It’s Valentine’s day.

I find myself kilometers away from the village on another search assignment from the Rokudaime. Lately the highest ranked missions available are to lead search groups for the ranks that were discovered missing after the war’s end.

There were multiple scenarios to describe these cases. There were some that went rogue like the shinobi that were amassed by Gengo in the land of Silence, but that was a small minority of the ones that disappeared. Many of these search groups had discovered that the supposedly “rogue” targets had simply wandered away from the village without notice as some sort of backwards resignation just to conceal themselves in smaller villages outside of Konoha.

Regardless of the intent, it was our responsibility to return them to the village for interrogation out of suspicion for not following standard resignation protocol.

Although I disagree with their actions, I do understand their motive. Many shinobi had resigned as soon as they could. Both the young and inexperienced, as well as the old and hardened had reached their threshold of tolerance for combat.

Resignations are still very common 2 years later, as more and more realize the sudden decline in available work due to the truth that is peace. While I’ve also seen a decrease in my work load, I couldn’t ever see myself being anything other than a shinobi; It’s the only thing I know… I don’t know if I could even adjust to doing something different.

It’s not that I find any specific enjoyment in my work. Work is work, but I can’t help but find a specific fulfillment when I complete a task. I guess that’s just a result of my training. Naruto is usually quite enthusiastic when a job has been “well done” but I mostly assume that’s because he is working towards a higher position. Shikamaru’s demeanor suggests indifference,however he has revealed to me that his main determination lies in supporting Naruto’s rise to the level of Hokage.

In contrast, Sakura and Ino have only found more work after peace fell upon Konoha. It could arguably be the most important work of all; Healing and revitalizing the village.

Meanwhile, here I am leading search missions rather than the assassination missions I was executing less than 2 years prior.

The Choujuu Giga itself was a very essential tool that was best utilized for communication and reconnaissance, but all ROOT agents were highly skilled in assasination. As long as the target was disposed of in an efficient manner, it was enough to fulfill the will of Danzo-sama. And while Konoha’s will of fire has engulfed his will, Danzo-sama’s influence still leaves its remnants in the village’s deep underground networks and we are still far from finished in uprooting that.

For some reason however, the Rokudaime has placed me in charge of this mission instead of allowing me to chase a new lead. And I’m missing Valentine’s day on top of that.

I find Valentine’s day to be a strange, yet rather enjoyable holiday. The idea of girls giving me chocolates is a strange concept to me, but getting gifts from friends isn’t inherently a bad thing, right?

However, there have been occurrences that now require me to be extra vigilant when celebrating.

Sakura has always been incredibly um… generous? She never fails to hand deliver her own chocolates to Naruto and I every year since becoming teammates. And while I am flattered by the gesture, I can only accept the gift with a smile and a thank you before swiftly tossing them out.

Despite her good intentions, she has had quite the history of poisoning me and Naruto with her generosity. One year, I expressed my concerns, and what I received in return was a quick dose of lethal retribution for my honesty

“I cannot accept this. The last time you offered something like this I ended up ill for days.”

I was expecting some kind of rage to come from Sakura, but instead she seemed calm and collected as she slowly stepped towards me. I turned my head to see Naruto back away, his hands raised in surrender.

“Sakura-chan…”

“Naruto, I need your support on thi-”

My plea was cut off by a punch. In my attempt to dodge, a powerful strike landed onto my trachea, completely cutting off my ability to breathe. It was immensely painful, my hands clutching my neck with strained wheezing breaths and dry coughs. Sakura swiftly yanked me by the collar to apply her healing hands to my throat.

“Geez, stop moving around so much and next time I won’t accidentally hit something vital.”

Naruto didn’t laugh for once, but he also never backed me up on my statement. Probably because he didn’t want to get punched. And despite Sakura’s numerous apologies over the incident,I’ve humbly accepted the gift with a thank you to avoid a repeat.

I don’t fear for my life every Valentine’s day, however. Ino had given me a much different gift for three years now. She had even been kind enough to ask me what I preferred.

“I do this for my boys every year.”

I remember that she didn’t meet my eyes when she said that.

“Shikamaru is a weirdo who likes white chocolate,and while Choji would eat anything I gave him, he prefers his chocolate with nuts…”

She trailed off, perhaps realizing the awkwardness of the situation. I know for certain I hardly had anything to say to respond to that.

“But I wanted to know what you like…”

I responded in the only way I knew how at the time, with utter honesty

“I don’t like the taste of chocolate. It’s too sweet for me.”

I was too used to the bland and flavorless meals and food pills to have a sense of taste like anyone else of the group. Naruto has set out to “broaden my flavor horizons” by taking me out to various eating establishments around the village with the rest of the guys. I was delightfully surprised how little ramen had fit into his plans, but I know that the others probably have some say in where we go. I have yet to have a bad experience with these outings, but I still prefer tofu above all else and tend to stray away from sweets.

But my statement never would deter Ino.

“There is such a thing as bittersweet chocolate…”

She said this more to herself, but determination set into her eyes as I could now clearly see the fire in them

You’d be willing to try that if I gave it to you, right?”

At the time, it seemed like she had disregarded what I said, but soon after, I realized that she was actually trying to include me in the tradition. I had no other choice but to accept this condition.

And nearly 3 years later I still look forward to her figuratively “sweet” gesture. Looking back on it reminds me that she can be pretty cute when she’s embarrassed like that. But I think it’s the sheer force of her will that makes her truly beautiful…

I don’t know if I’m using those descriptors well, but I have decided to use them in the manner I did.

Upon more thought and observation, I’ve concluded that I am able to find points of attraction in women, or at least in Ino I can.

When I look into her bright eyes, all I am reminded of is how they were the only things I could focus on when I drew her. Or how her immense kindness had shone through them when she saved my life. Not to mention the sheer determination that flows through her when up against a daunting task. I guess that’s in her blood as an interrogator, but it seems like it is all hers to take control of.

The same could be said about her smile.

I’ve analyzed many smiles over the past few years, tirelessly trying to find what gives them life and meaning so I could someday replicate them, but all I can muster is a poor imitation. In Ino’s smile, I can see so much emotion emanating from it, outlined by cherry red lips. And I like that.

I like that quite a bit, actually.

I should probably stop thinking about this while I’m on a mission. My team is already trying to get my attention about a new lead.

I guess now I have something to look forward to when I get home.

Bittersweet chocolate coming from a beautiful girl.

_________________________________________________________

God I'm getting really sappy with my writing. Newlyweds was full of it, but now that energy is seeping into this fic. It might not be a bad thing though.

I also found enjoyment in writing Sai getting throat punched

I mentioned work kicking my ass, but next week I will be away visiting my sister out of state. I am kind of worried about the second wave of Rona slamming the country, but I gotta be as careful as I can while traveling. I hope to get some writing done while I'm away.

Anyway, comments and critiques are always appreciated. See you next time!

-Saikage

#saiino #sai yamanaka #Ino Yamanaka #Sai Journal #si fanfic

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popculture-etc · 4 years ago

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Kenny Rogers, Adam Schlesinger,...coping with 2020

Worst year ever although there were some good.

It’s too early yet for me to do a quick look back on what 2020 is like here as we’re only going to be in the first of December tomorrow (it’s Nov 30 here) but I just have to as two losses this year broke me. Kind of, well, especially the second one.

You see, before East Asian pop, Jpop and Kpop, Western pop culture was my thing. It still is and this pandemic has made me go back to that recently starting with...the Beach Boys (their westcoast sound caught me, hook, line, and sinker and I wasn’t very fond of the Beatles to begin with...to be completely honest) I’m currently chillin’ to right now, as I write this post. I’m really weak to the westcoast sound. Beach sound/s in general, rather. I’m a big fan of the beach where nature goes, for one. Since some time, a few years ago, deep chill and tropical house music has been my go-to when I want to chill or calm myself down after an outburst of sorts and I put them on when I just feel meh, especially on Fridays. When I dream of being by the sea, the beach or in some island on my own. I live in a country with a lot of beaches and the Visayas here is basically island region Philippines, lol. Like most people, I listen to music according to mood just like the way I dress according to mood. And...it’s no wonder, really that I’m so into the Beach Boys now. RIP the Beatles. My dad played some songs of theirs on the guitar or so but the hold they have on me waned later on and I just think now how overrated they were back then. They did have good songs but when talking of good music, as in really good that it retains the same sound style or so, it’s the Beach Boys for me. Brian Wilson is the man despite his issues and personal struggles.

Anyway, we’re going quickly off tangent. I’ll save the Beach Boys fangirling for another day. lol.

I grew up with western pop culture rife all around me thanks to my American, cowboy country and folk music listening dad, my Carpenters-loving mom and then, college-aged aunts who’d made me see the Titanic film more than my fingers could count---the third is clearly an exaggeration but well...some of it is true and they were why I got into American films like Pretty Woman (we have this in good ol’ VHS in our family home, my grandparents’ in Jasaan), Mannequin, Ghost etc. in the late 80s, coming into the early 90s. So, tired of all the kdrama and uninteresting kvariety shows on tvn and the rebranded local channel, Kapamilya (long story for what we formerly know as ABS-CBN, the nation’s a mess right now and our gov’t’s just...ick!), I’d retreated to my cave and got into old tv shows I’d watched as a kid instead like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and it’s been, well, moving on from there. I’m checking out Twin Peaks later. I’ve been watching old Hollywood films too. Some revisits on this include: Casablanca, Gone With The Wind, and especially A Streetcar Named Desire will always and forever be my favorite. Very young and cute and good looking Marlon Brando, ugh. I have some others in the stash which include Bonnie and Clyde I’ll be getting into much, much later, maybe over the weekends and holidays. In sum, I have a long history with western pop culture, especially America’s, more than I have with Japan’s and South Korea’s. The latter being very, very recent so it doesn’t really compare as much.

Let’s get right down to it...

So 2020 had us lose Kenny Rogers to natural causes on March 20 in a hospice and after, Adam Schlesinger to COVID 19 complications on April 1. I know the latter as the songwriter of The Wonders’ That Thing You Do from the film sharing the same song title. I know Kenny Rogers well because my dad listens to him over and over in the car. In pretty much the same way, I know the words to Islands in the Stream by heart and I accept and revere it as one of the best, if not THE BEST country-pop duet songs of all time between Kenny and Dolly Parton...as far as country and pop music in the US of A’re concerned, of course. Miley and Shawn Mendez’s cover of it I’d seen recently was alright but nothing still beats the OG one, as always. With music, it’s just, really always the case.

Kenny departing from us March this year was alright. He was well cared for in a hospice and at the right age too, to leave us and this mess of a world behind for the afterlife. Sounds grim but not really. Heh. He died of natural causes so we know he was at peace and accepted then that his time has come. Fans and long-time listeners of his should also be at peace with this knowledge. I don’t consider myself a fan but since he’s been around so much because my dad plays his songs in the car often, I’m the same. I’ve accepted his passing away early this year. He’s lived his life well and given us good music to listen to should we like to remember him and his works and celebrate his life and legacy doing so.

Schlesinger’s case was way worse because, well, COVID 19. And it’s well...I guess we all saw it coming, me included, that I’d just learned, watching the one of many national English news on ANC that ‘pandemic’ is the word of the year according to Merriam-Webster. Timely, huh? Yep. Predictable, really. Sarcasm noted here.

So if someone ever asks what 2020 was about, we only have to say that according to Merriam-Webster, it’s the global (COVID 19) pandemic. Short, not-so-sweet, succinct, and grim. Yep.

This one, Schlesinger’s case, is something I still find difficult to accept. He was only 52 years old! He was at the prime of his life and had some projects still he was working on at the time of his passing so WHY?! I suppose that’s all of us who followed him and his extensive work on tv, film, the stage and his own band, Fountains of Wayne when we heard news he’s passed away due to COVID 19 complications. It’s definitely me now though I learned of it late. Heh.

To cope with the sadness of losing Schlesinger, gone too soon at 52 years old and with an impressive Hollywood tv, stage, film resume to his name since and his own band’s, Fountains of Wayne (FoW) really good discography, by the way, I’ve been listening to FoW’s Welcome Interstate Managers---all of the contents of said album/record---and That Thing You Do’s OST with the Beach Boys’ Sounds of Summer Best of in between. My favorite song on Welcome Interstate Managers is the sarcastic take on real life as an everyday worker in sales, Bright Future in Sales. As much as I like chill sounds where music goes, I like me some music with lyrics jolting us back to grim reality in much the same way I like films (indies, mostly, or lesser known short and full-length ones) that tackle social issues not frequently discussed in public or so but we are aware are there, still plaguing much of today’s society. I live for cynical, satirical, ironic, and even hyperbolic stuff about real life actually. It may be why I’m so entrenched and attached to the era where we all hated ourselves---the 90s. Although one would say much of that sentiment or feeling did carry itself to the 2000s, though. I don’t know about you, but until now, I still hate or have heavy dislike for myself and everything else around me, especially our gov’t or current admin here in the Philippines, and people in general so I don’t think it ever really goes away. And going off tangent again for the nth time today.

Anyway, my 1996 was That Thing You Do on HBO in our household...on and off along with other 90s films like The Craft, Clueless, Jawbreakers (I think this still plays in Cinemax from time to time) so of course losing Schlesinger also was...rather, is hard. He’s done so much and he was supposed to be working on more and he’s left such a deep mark here for us, avid fans of American pop culture...I suppose, even the casual ones. Aside from his That Thing You Do, I’d also seen Josie and the Pussycats at some point. I don’t remember when, where...though I did watch some episodes of the cartoon on Cartoon Network (CN) so of course, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the film of it as well. He worked on a track or some tracks there, too.

2020 sucks. COVID 19 sucks. This global pandemic sucks. But at least there’re films, tv shows, music, stage musical plays turned movies (Jonathan Larson’s Tick, Tick...Boom! is coming to us soon with Andrew Garfield in the lead---I’m wary of Garfield being a forgettable actor since The Amazing Spider Man because Dane Dehaan was what made that for me, to be quite honest so I’m not so sure of him being Jon here and as a self-respecting Larson fan since Rent, I’d rather they casted Neil Patrick Harris/NPH since he was in the London stage for this way back anyway...) to keep us entertained and fine until then. What would it take for ‘rona, and I’m not talking about the American Corona beer here that’s really popular in the west coast, to go away? I, like the rest of you in self isolation or quarantine, tend to think so but I don’t think we’ll have any answer to that until the vaccines are well underway by spring next year. Or at least, that’s what health authorities and scientists tell us anyway. I get reminded of it often in the news and I only tune in to that once in a while now because even that, following that daily, breaks my mental faculties down due to stress and pressure and all and I can’t have that when I still have so much, at the back of my mind, to do.

But anyway, time to conclude this one with one of my favorite The Wonders songs, All My Only Dreams just to end on a good note, better than the last paragraph’s ending at least and to remember Schlesinger as well that we’d lost this year along with plenty others we’d met in passing who’ve also left this world especially due to COVID 19 complications. I know we know a lot of those. For me, it’s a distant relative or family member I’d known since young but don’t have particular fluffy bunny feelings for because of some things that happened between the guy and me growing up in the NCR/Caloocan City to be exact. There’s also my good friend and former co-worker’s only remaining parent, her dad and a few more, I’m sure. So I hope 2021 would be better but I doubt it...very much. It’s still looking pretty dim, grim and bleak from here, where I’m currently standing in 2020.

Before we really end though, COVID 19 is definitely not a hoax. It hasn’t been since the first cases started in Wuhan, China. It’s just, only been getting worse and still continue to claim lives and spread to more people even those at home. So as someone who comes from a household of mostly medical workers or health care workers here, we should really be very careful about and around it. Let’s take the necessary health protocols seriously like wearing a mask out and maybe the face shield too and always keeping the sanitizers, alcohols in our bags among others---hygiene and sanitation, disinfection. It may come off really anal of me and I am not anal (I don’t like people with Type A personalities in the first place, lol...I’m just a very cautious Virgo, really, and a Type X---mix of Type C and D personalities) but seriously, SERIOUSLY, I can’t stress this enough, COVID 19, the virus SARS-COV2, that causes it is real. Very real and once it’s in your system, it can go the fatal, deadly way or just the mild and you’ll recover later anyway way. It’s not picking which people should die next and which should not, really. It’s really just there making a mess of things that are already messy since the beginning. My point being, it’s just better if we don’t spread it or are careful enough not to contract it with following health protocols set by health experts, scientists to help us get by this...pandemic.

Well here’s to 2020 being over soon and 2021 creeping in on us soon enough.

P.S.

Billie Armstrong of Greenday upped a cover of That Thing You Do as a tribute to Adam and the youtube live of the Wonders coming together again to pay tribute to and celebrate Adam’s life may still be up on the ‘tube. I have yet to see the latter but enjoyed the former. They are just so...sweet and precious. Ugh. Adam Schlesinger, gone too soon indeed. :(

PPS

Another songwriter/contributor in the TTYD OST passed away last year, too. Rick Elias. Cause of death is brain cancer. I had a friend from college, young and so full of life and dreams, who passed away due to the same thing so I’m kind of aware how this goes. Ugh. Cancer sucks. All of these are just so...sad. Depressing, actually.

youtube

#Adam Schlesinger #Kenny Rogers #american pop culture #USA #United States of America #That Thing You Do #Fountains of Wayne #music #entertainment #Hollywood #loss #COVID 19 #2020 #2020 is the worst year ever #what's next 2021?#A year in music #a year in american pop culture #a year in american rock and roll and pop music

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literalbuzzkill · 4 years ago

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Below I'm gonna vent so y'all can ignore that XD

I'm basically making this post as a timestamp/reminder for myself about Covid2020 and what I had to deal with during it (even though it's still a relentlessly ongoing problem, as of Jan2021, yikes)

Below is my personal experience in switching from working everyday as an essential retail worker to now a stay at home unemployed/leave of absense person. Don't feel bad about not reading it, it's long, boring, and I can't really expect anyone to actually be interested because the struggle is real and who wants to be reminded of the grim reality we can't currently escape? XD

[The Start:]

I was still working retail up until a few months ago because most people left. And being short staffed already before covid at my store, things became an even worse unmanageable nightmare because they started to work the remaining staff to death because no one really knew what to do which sucked and everyone was rightfully afraid of what was happening all around them, plus everyone internally was hoping that this would all blow over in a decent amount of time and we could all return to normal and never speak of it again. Considering Covid started around late January/early February in 2019 and today's date (for my future reference) is Jan 4th 2021, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it certainly has not blown over in a decent amount of time like originally hoped for. Oof.

I was a closer but because of covid my job turned into 'every position at the store and everything/anything that you can possibly get done'. All the stuff from morning team, mid shift, and nightshift rolled into one. Cashiering, phone calls, cleaning, ship from store, backroom, covering multiple breaks, and every department on hardlines salesfloor,

(I did everything except for guest services, food service, clothing, and hr)

you name it XD because most people abandoned ship and Yeeted (which I dont blame them for, t'was a big mood) our store did not hire replacements until literally a few months ago. After I left. Nice.

We were not getting paid any extra, having to stay late, running around with an unending unfinishable list, having to deal with rude customers and cranky bosses, full 8+hour shifts having to wear a mask (even in the break room, and sometimes missing breaks all together because of the large work load) Another problem, my job did not supply masks, proper cleaning supplies, gloves etc to us until an unacceptable amount of time had passed since the start of the virus. Now I didn't expect them to be stocked and fully prepared immediately, obviously.

It was also pretty frustrating getting reprimanded by customers when supplies were low everywhere and some things necessary for existing safely could not be bought anywhere due to high demand, which was only natural, but some people actually acted like it was our personal fault for the store for being sold out of things like hand sanitizer, masks, gloves, toilet paper, and even accused us for holding it in the back for ourselves (which wasnt the case, customers are top priority at our store so the workers usually got nothing to take home or buy, even if we had pulled it from the truck or stocked it ourselves.)

Aside from the excessive draining from normal retail where we already suffer from Karen's and the often unpleasant general public, the Rona made the daily grind even more intense, as if we already thought it couldn't get any worse.

Straying away from that for a second, personal lives were now also affected greatly. Added on top of this new fear/caution/lifestyle was not being able to see my fiance or his family for months because they are all at very high risk. (Unfortunately I am too, but I really needed the paycheck so I thought I had to keep working until the inevitable, which was not looked forward to, but as long as I was potentially exposed with my job we all had to be apart unless I decided to quit and risk not having enough money to pay my bills or survive.)

(Side note for context: My fiance and I have been very lucky enough to see eachother almost every day for 4 years. Surprisingly we have not gotten sick of eachother yet and kept up with that regularity. And though we are engaged, we dont live together, but we do only live 15 minutes away so we just drive over to eachother everyday. Anyway, point being that going months without seeing him at all killed me internally hardcore. This was before zoom was popular and we were not about to resort to Skype. His parents are older and closer to me than my own family and were not comfortable with any form of in-person visits so we usually just did phone calls.)

And eventually I gave up,

I made it halfway through this pandemic working everyday, not seeing the only people I considered family, and I couldn't do it anymore. It literally didn't feel human.

Not to mention this did not help whatsoever with my pre-existing problems, bad depression, anxiety, ptsd, Self h, etc... it was all just getting way too out of hand with more stress piling up daily and taking too big a toll on me to the point where I couldn't deal with my regular lifestyle anymore. I needed a break and a change to severely turn myself around.

So a few months ago I finally went on leave of absence and it was the hardest thing for me to do but honestly the best thing I did. Because everything was so uncertain and I worried about how helpful unemployment would be towards my bills, if I'd lose my job for being gone too long due to an open ended leave of absense for the sake of my health/safety, and honestly I loved my job and my coworkers, but many of them had already left so at that point it became easier for me to leave.

I'm currently making more on unemployment than my job was paying my bi-weekly and doing leagues better mentally, emotionally, and physically, than before when I thought I could last the whole time working through covid hoping I wouldn't catch it and probably die because my health is not 100% gucci in the first place. I was too stubborn to quit until I got to a breaking point and then realised that putting my health/life on the line when I'm at risk during a pandemic for literally no reason other than feeling bad for my one really kind boss (who ended up leaving for a better job anyway right after I left)

in my brain the whole time I figured "eh if I die then I die" but there was a major upside to saying "you know what, fuck this" and leaving.

I've gotten to take up hobbies and do things that I've wanted to do for like 10 years, I improved my financial situation, bought my dream car(A 2004Crossfire), got engaged to the love of my life, had more time to read, write, learn, create, help my fiance record his first official music video, support smaller businesses, get back in better physical health, regain stability, and a new respect for life, health, friends, family, acts of kindness, and how easy things used to be before covid and how it was unintentionally taken for granted.

Not gonna lie, at first I was pretty mad that people on unemployment made more than essential workers, but I also knew that it wasn't their fault for their personal situations or reasonings for needing it. The problem was mainly that many Companies/jobs could have done more, treated essential workers better, given more help, compensated financially, offered forms of protectionagaint the virus, or done literally anything extra at all to help employees who were struggling or who stay to continue working there during a terrible pandemic, and some companies/jobs have done good things for their workers in response of the outbreak which is awesome.

Workers should absolutely be compensated for their extra efforts, time, and pleasant attitude in this difficult time, and treated better than they are. Some things should 1000% be different but some things in this world are still a work in progress.

And also, for people with health issues that are at risk but working anyway for whatever reason, there shouldn't be any shame felt for taking care of yourself or by the people who have to go on unemployment, those who can't work, lost their jobs, need help or a break, or just can't do it anymore, because it hits hard when you realise that even though your effort is important and you're doing your best, playing an important role in society, you could also be risking your health/life or even possibly someone you live withs, for a company that will replace you pretty easily if you're suddenly gone.

I worked at my store for 4 years, was extremely hard working and did everything and anything I could to stay as long as I could during this, but I realised that I'd rather not risk myself and be treated how I was.

Ultimately, the sad reality is that covid has some people forgetting that humans (whether working or not) are humans too that can die or fail at any time given the current circumstances. Some situations are unavoidable like a pandemic, but we can do our best with whatever reality we meet, whether it's being essential the whole way through like some are able, and knowing your health well enough to be able to judge what's best for you individually for now.

but regardless making sure you're not taking yourself for granted in the process.

I'm lucky enough to not have gotten covid yet, and I hope it stays that way.

If your job isnt doing what it can for you in this time, dont be too stubborn about staying

Its not worth risking yourself for your job honestly, and I really hope peoples jobs do as much as they can for those they employ.

If you aren't working, do something with your time that you'll remember (safe things obviously) and if you are still working keep up the awesome progress, stay safe, and be blessed. ❤

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brokebuckkmountain · 4 years ago

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Today was the worst

(long rant ahead, mostly about workplace politics with irl problems sprinkled in for flavor)

So. I’ve already been in my feelings lately due to like: life sucking, it’s the plague times, I am struggling to find a psychiatrist despite being told it was imperative I get help immediately, it’s winter and winter makes me sad, I’m losing friendships left and right thx to Miss Rona, I hate my job, yesterday was the one year anniversary of my breakup, there’s tons of gossip about me at work for things I genuinely did not say, and some of my work buddies are ignoring me for no apparent reason (including my best friend who has been ignoring me since my literal birthday a month ago? It’s all her friends that are ignoring me to it’s hard not to think it’s something related to that). Also, those PMS mood swings are a bitch.

I wanted today to be a good day. I wanted to get up early. I wore my new clothes and new perfume and was excited to train a coworker I genuinely like who was never trained when she was hired a year ago and struggles to get through her shifts. I mean I volunteered to do it for free because she deserves the help. But no no. Today was not a good one.

-I was woken up at 3 am to a litany of text messages from an ex asking to hook up again. Promptly fell back asleep and missed my later alarm, causing me to have to skip my workout this am and rush my shower.

-My boss didn’t assign my trainee online learning or make a schedule, told me I was a “strong enough trainer” to just do what I felt needed to be done. That was all he said to me, no further instruction. This is important later. Trainers and trainees are considered non-coverage and I run into an issue with this everytime I train- shifts want us on the floor doing different tasks than what I’m actually teaching. I personally think being a little backed up for 30 minutes is preferable to new hires not knowing how to do things because they never got one on one time, but most supervisors think otherwise.

-My trainee and I had about 25 minutes until our joint lunch break. She had expressed to me that knowing more about the mechanics of coffee- what is the body of a shot, why does it expire, what’s the difference between blonde and regular- was helping her, so I decided 25 minutes whizzing through that part of training before lunch was fine. I was immediately chastised by someone we’ll call Manager 1 because that “isn’t part of the training”. It very much is, and is available on every training resource, it just never gets taught because of time constraints and corporate not really caring about coffee quality. Manager 1 has consistently made a scene every time I train a new hire over us doing training and not just whatever she wants to get done. Manager 1 is also known for berating almost every one, and has lied about altercations that never happened between me and customers before to our manager. So she’s not exactly a fan favorite of mine. I maintained that the coffee basics was part of training and returned to the back, planning to use that time to do coffee basics and more memory games for drink recipes.

-After about 5 minutes, my coworker came to the back and told me the two managers wanted us out there helping. I went out alone to tell Manager 2 (who was technically in charge and generally less awful) what we were working on and asked if they really needed us or if they’d be okay. She said they needed us and Manager 2 began snapping that we were floor coverage, that my trainee was supposed to be on the floor all day, and that she had no business in the back “staring at a computer screen” (which we were not doing, but I digress). Since this is about the fourth time I’ve had this issue with this particular manager, I responded that we were supposed to be doing whatever I felt needed to be done, not working the floor. When they maintained that they were “under the impression” from our boss that my trainee and I were to remain on the floor all day, and we were coverage, I said “I guess I got confused by the dashed lines on the schedule that signify non-coverage as us being non-coverage” and went to get my trainee.

-My trainee knew the situation because she had overheard, got super nervous, and started making drinks wrong that she had been making correctly all day. During this time I overheard Manager 1 and Manager 2 not-quietly discussing them both texting our boss to complain about me. Fair, I guess, since I planned on doing the same when I was on my lunch. At one point they both left the bar area to send their texts and squat by the safe while waiting for it to unlock (it’s on a timer and beeps when it’s ready, no need to hover) which only infuriated me more- they moved us to bar so they could leave it. When it was finally our lunch time I sent my trainee and was pulled aside by Manager 2. I tried to move the conversation to the break room (something I have always been adamant about- not publicly berating coworkers in front of others) but she stayed on the floor where multiple people were and reprimanded me for my bad attitude. I told her I was never instructed to stay on the floor, had a schedule, and would’ve been more flexible if they had actually spoken to me rather than yelling and demanding. She maintained that I had a bad attitude and needed to follow orders. I said, once again, “mutual respect goes both ways, if you want me to incorporate things into my training schedule then you need to have an actual conversation with me about it and not demand it at random”. She said that as my superior I wasn’t allowed to “talk back” (ignoring my point that they had both, indeed, begun yelling at me) and told me my bad attitude “wasn’t a good look” and that she didn’t feel I was understanding. I said I understood perfectly that I shouldn’t be rude, but that they shouldn’t yell at me either, and I wasn’t going to take unprofessional yelling to pull me off my job as a trainer. Manager 2 didn’t listen to a word I said and kept going “you can’t have an attitude, do you understand?” so after a period of staring at her silently I said “Can I clock out for my lunch now and proceed with training?” and walked away.

-After lunch I was able to continue training, only because that part of the training constituted us being on the floor helping. I apologized profusely to my trainee for putting her in that situation, reassuring her that regardless of who was in the “right” or the personal issues of the people on the floor, my first priority was her being able to successfully learn and feel comfortable. She told me she had a hard time focusing on drinks and was anxious after the scene, and that she felt the public reprimanding I received was far out of line and unprofessional. I told her I knew that, but being as it was two managers against one me, I would probably still receive a write up tomorrow morning and not to let it worry her when it did go down (tomorrow is our final day of training and my last day before a long break from work, so I know it’s going to happen in front of her). She said she would talk to my boss on my behalf and I told her not to worry, I didn’t want her pulled into workplace drama, but she insisted it wasn’t right (she is considerably older than everyone in the workplace and I think a little protective of me since we volunteered together and I’m the only one who doesn’t chastise her for small mistakes). We’ll see if she says anything tomorrow but I don’t want her to feel like she has to “go to bat” for me and involve herself in unnecessary drama against people who will lash out at her.

-While trying to clock out, I overheard Manager 2 trying to get other coworkers of mine to give accounts against our boss to his superior over not liking their scheduling. Perhaps I’m biased, because I am friends with my boss and literally vacationed with him this summer, but he is the type to listen to concerns and always give people the benefit of the doubt. I’ve never seen him give a write up and he bends over backwards to accommodate people. So whatever their issues are, something tells me they haven’t brought it up to him. Manager 2 frequently breaks safety protocols because she “doesn’t care if she gets Covid” and has vacationed out of state many times resulting in us not allowing her to come back to work and being short staffed. Despite this, I’ve never given my boss her name when he asks who is breaking safety protocols. Manager 2 is well known for being deeply unpleasant, her and my boss have been at odds for years from working together at another location, and has frequently tried to egg on other employees to get our boss in trouble while refusing to make any formal complaints herself. If you’ve been following for a while, she’s the same ass-kisser who used to say my old boss could break any rules she wanted and allowed herself to be constantly demeaned in hopes of a promotion (10 years without a promotion and she thinks it’s unfair rather than realizing she’s mean and unpleasant, chooses to attack the people who do get the promotions she wants). I know there’s a way to spin those two plotting against my boss as a way to cast some doubt on their accounts of me, but no way to do it without being a blatant shit disturber who’s just retaliating. Which is not how I want to live my life. But he deserves a heads up.

-Now I’m sitting at home with an arts and craft project I came up with to give my coworkers all a gift before the New Year and no desire to do it. Like, fuck these people, why should I do something nice for them? Even though I know the majority are good people, just not the ones in management. No energy, completely lethargic (yay depressive episode and still no antidepressants because I can’t get ahold of a goddamn psychiatrist even though my GP okayed the antidepressants herself), wishing I just could get a better job but I need the insurance at mine. It’s one thing to be constantly belittled and insulted by customers (and a very big thing, at that), but to get it from coworkers too just makes me feel awful, day in and day out. I know I’ve hated my job for the entire 3 and a half years I’ve been there and bemoaned how much less interwork drama I’ve had at every other job I’ve had (so I don’t think it’s all me, many agree it’s a toxic environment likened to a high school), but quitting a job you’re great at, passionate about (at times), live super close to, that gives you insurance, during a pandemic? Harder than it looks.

Life sux. Super anxious for tomorrow. Thanks for reading. Pls don’t reblog.

#i should text my boss since i KNOW he's gonna wanna talk tomorrow and my anxious ass will forget half of what i want to say #but thats also nerve wracking i guess #personal

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sieshedsit · 4 years ago

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2020– the year of endless road blocks.

Let’s start with the shitty parts of this year...

Roadblocks or excuses? Perhaps both. This year has been tough. The year started out with putting my grandparents in a nursing home. My grandma is was first. Then we finally convinced my grandpa that he needed to go to assisted living. I won’t go into all the deep details... but dementia sucks. Watching your grandparents get old sucks. My grandparents are my world. They raised me until I was nearly 11 and are like my parents and they’ve always considered me a daughter. It’s been especially rough with COVID-19. They are in the same facility but different wings so they currently can’t see each other and it is making them both so depressed. It’s a constant stressor for me. I am always worried about their mental and physical health. I have recurring nightmares about them. I’m trying my best to just be supportive and realize there’s nothing I can do right now but that and to let it be until this COVID-19 situation fizzles out.

COVID-19 hit right before we moved my grandpa into a facility. We all know how much the ‘Rona has made things suck more. We are our friends and family less, or less at a time. Lots of things we look forward to have been cancelled. Weddings have been moved or made smaller. Parties and concerts have been cancelled. Trips cancelled. Hawkeye football cancelled. MLB is a joke. All things that we look forward to during the spring and summer and fall months. This has greatly contributed to my depression. I often times feel like I don’t have anything to look forward to for a very long time.

In April, I got the horrific news that my dad’s best friend (who has been like my second dad my entire life) was murdered by his own wife (who has also been in my life for over 15 years). For me it was not only a total shock to hear but also the feeling of “how the fuck is this happening to me AGAIN?” For those of you who don’t know me well, one of my dear friends was murdered in 2015. It was awful. The grieving process has been everything but easy. So receiving this information was like a horrible nightmare all over again. Not only did I start reliving Andrea’s death but now another tragic and traumatic desth. It was crippling. And honestly, I’m still not okay. I’m not grieving properly. It’s hard knowing someone who was an important part of my life killed someone else who was an even more important part of my life. It’s mind-blowing that his body laid there for days before he was known to be dead. We didn’t get to say goodbye. We still haven’t had a celebration of life. It’s like my grief is on pause. I hate everything about that. It still affects my every day life. I don’t know when or if we will have answers to his death and that really affects my ability to accept it. I miss him so much and my heart is torn to shreds over how much my dad is hurting.

In June, I changed my whole career plan. When COVID-19 hit, I was a full time student in a mortuary science program and working full time at a funeral home. My school pulled me out of all funeral related activities for credit because they didn’t want to be held liable if we got COVID. I also wasn’t working as the funeral home I worked for was on limited staffing due to all the COVID restrictions. So I was essentially unemployed from March until the beginning of this month (August). I had already lost my drive to be a funeral director due to things I’d experience through my funeral home that I won’t go into detail about. The death of Brody also greatly affected my drive. With the combination of all those things I decided that I need to enter the work force. I’ve been in school for so long and never found something I truly loved so here I am back working full time in claims work which I due truly enjoy.

Alright enough of the depressing shit here’s some positives..

In May, I got engaged. It was the best day. It gave me something positive in a year full of negatives. Nick proposed at the lake house and we were surrounded by our roommate, two of our best friends, his parents, and my dad. I’m still so in love and so excited to marry him. He truly is the man of my dreams.

In August (now), I started a new job in claims work again and so far I’m really loving it! The company is fun and caring and very successful. Nick and I have also decided to buy a bigger house. With the derecho that hit (if you don’t know what that is please google Iowa Derecho and check out the Cedar Rapids damage, it’s devastating and they still need SO much help) we’ve had a hard time selling our house. I think people who were looking may no longer be because of damage sustained to their homes or homes of their families. I know this isn’t the end of the world, but it still sucks. But I’m so grateful we were only without power for 20 hours and our house and vehicles are completely fine. We are blessed and lucky.

I’m honestly blanking on more positives. I’m sure there are a few more, but it’s Monday and I’m mentally exhausted lol.

Alright, Sierra, what’s all this rambling have to do with your weight loss journey?

Everything, actually. Food is my coping mechanism. Sometimes it’s just eating crappy and others it’s bingeing. With that being said, I’ve been doing what I’ve done my whole life and diving into being healthy and then something happening and I give up. Is this an excuse or a roadblock? The answer is yes. Haha. Although let’s be honest, they’re more of excuses. Grief sucks. Bad things happen and that sucks. Sometimes everything sucks. But the thing is... we can let it suck and complain about how much it sucks and sulk OR we can rise up and do better and be thankful and do whatever we can to make the best of those situations. This is something I’m working on. With the negative things.. I’ve been binging and eating crappy as mentioned. I am at my highest weight of 267 lbs yet again. I feel disgusting. I can hardy look at myself in the mirror. I have little motivation to do anything. I have hardly went anywhere unless I don’t have to dress up or it’s people I see all the time and even then it takes a lot for me not to bail because I’m embarrassed to be seen. Yeah this is pretty real and raw.

Last night, my fiancé and I had a very deep talk. He gave me some great advice. He’s always so supportive of me and truly wants the best. I expressed to him all these awful feelings I’ve had about myself and that I want to change. I want to be healthy. I want to workout. I want to lose weight. I want to wear normal clothes. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. What he said to me was:

Do you want to do it or are you going to do it?

He’s right. I’ve been wanting these things or trying these things but not DOING them. Yoda said it best when he said:

Do or do not, there is no try

So. I’m doing the damn thing. Today I started tracking my macros and water again. I will be working out again following Strong Daily with my Coach Maddie. You can find a link at the bottom of my blog.

I am still currently wanting weight loss surgery. I have to follow a diet and exercise regimen that is physician supervised for insurance purposes for 6 months. In these 6 months, I will work my ass off. If I am happy with my progress and results and no longer feel surgery is necessary to help me, I won’t get it. But for now I’m following the plan to get there. I’m working on my mental health. I’m a mess right now and I don’t want to be. I will do something for myself every single day to help in that journey and will be beginning therapy again as soon as I can. If you’ve read this whole post of rambling, thank you.

Peace&&Love

Sierra

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oliviermiraarmstrongs · 5 years ago

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Social Distancing Tag

Thanks for tagging me, @betweenironyandsilver!

Are you staying at home from school/work? Yeah, my college switched to online classes in March and the semester just finished up.

If you’re staying home who’s with you? My parents and my two sisters

Who would be your ideal quarantine parter? God, I don’t know. I just miss my college friends in general. I’m pretty happy with my family though, because I missed watching stuff and playing videos games with them. And also I have my cats :)

Are you a homebody? Kinda, but not completely of my own volition. I had to move back home last year due to academic troubles, and I don’t really have any friends nearby that I can hang out with, plus I can’t drive so I’ve just been stuck at home for a while.

An event you were looking forward to that got canceled? I had missed a few community college drama club meetings, and I was planning on getting back into it after spring break, but then the rona happened so :/ .

What movies have you recently watched? My family’s so bored that we got a new DVD player to replace our broken one, so we’ve been both getting new movies and going through our not-very-impressive collection. We’ve almost made our way through all the Harry Potter’s, and my mom’s library of Jane Austen adaptations - so far we watched the 1995 Pride and Prejudice (in one sitting!), the 2005 Pride and Prejudice (I’m sorry mom and other Colin Firth stans, I just like this one better), and the 2009 Emma.

What shows have you been watching? Not as much as I would normally because my laptop stopped working 2 days into quarantine :/ I’ve been gradually rewatching Cowboy Bebop, and I’ve decided it’s also time for a FMA:B rewatch. I’m still deciding when would be a good time for an ATLA rewatch. Honestly I kinda wanted to watch it with my sisters but they both already started it separately so :/ Also going though all of Buzzfeed Unsolved. Again.

What music have you been listening to? Still the typical Mitski, Arctic Monkeys, Phoebe Bridgers, etc. I decided to dig more into Talking Heads, though mostly I find myself listening to the Stop Making Sense live album. Really, it’s been a lot of instrumental stuff, like Joe Hisaishi’s Ghibli scores, Jonny Greenwood’s scores for PTA films, and Cho Young-wook’s scores for Park Chan-wook films.

What are you reading? I just finished Jane Eyre. That’s it, I’m a slow-ass reader.

What are you doing for self-care? I’ve been cross-stitching, but that sometimes ends up frustrating me more when I don’t have the right colors for the pattern I want, or I messed up following the pattern, or I seem to have followed the pattern perfectly but for some reason it STILL ISN’T RIGHT WHAT THE HELL...so now I’m keeping a journal that I can vent to.

Tagging @altraviolence, @borispavlikovskys, @sctine, @rckbell, @gothrey, and @briggswatch, if you wanna!

#tagged as me #sophia says shit #about me

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glknight · 5 years ago

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HOROSHIBA HORRIFICA: A Horror themed Magical Girl property

Synopsis: Nera Valakuzo is not the most skilled of the Witch Apprentices in the city of Horoshiba. She’s barely able to ride her broom, she gets easily confused when trying to remember the right incantations and her natural clumsiness makes her potion making skills something to be desired. But her eagerness to learn and Can Do spirit more than makes up for that.

But it isn’t until she accidentally finds the most forbidden tome in Witch Society’s library that she learns that she’ll need more than just motivation. Because when an ancient prophecy is fulfilled, she will need the power of the Horrifica Magnificarum and some new friends to stop the powerful evil that she accidentally released before it takes over the world!

Background: Growing up, I had a lot of things I was really into. Horror is easily my most obvious fandom, as I still try to create things in that genre to this day. But when it came to anime, I was actually a fan of a genre that most boys (particularly straight boys like myself) were always told by others our own age that we’re not supposed to like: Magical Girls. Magic Knight Rayearth needs to be treated with more fondness, Creamy Mami was a bittersweet show, and Sailor Moon was always awesome, To this day, I still say that both Sailor Mercury and Sailor Jupiter are Best Senshi. And I still say that if you want to know about what modern anime’s like, you have to watch certain shows: K-On! for Moe for example, Evangelion for melodrama, and most importantly for this project, PRETTY CURE for how modern shows handle character empowerment.

Pretty Cure is easily one of the best Anime franchises NO ONE here in the United States cares to think or really even talk about. Cute girls in costumes kicking bad guy butt? Come on! That’s like saying “here’s a great pizza from your favorite pizza place, and I’ve got your favorite ice cream for dessert”. It’s just something that most Anime fans would not turn down in a heartbeat. And then on top of that, you add “Oh yeah, and they’re played like actual superheroes and not just poseable dolls, with super strength, martial arts skills and the same level of high intensity fight scenes as some of the best Shounen series”?

JESUS CHRIST, WAS THE ONLY THING GETTING IN THE WAY OF THIS SHOW BEING BROUGHT OVER WAS BECAUSE THE HEROES ARE ALL GIRLS?!

Yes, and that’s an absolute shame.

So, after about 30 years of denying my interest in the genre, my heart started telling me “You know, since you’re trying to be honest about things you actually like, maybe you should, you know, be honest about your taste in Anime by working on something you actually love”. And that’s what Horoshiba Horrifica is. My love of two genres: Magical Girls and Horror (because let’s face it, I have to stay on brand for Horror/Fantasy/Sci Fi Weirdness).

So, mixing Pretty Cure with the iconic manga/anime horror property GeGeGe no Kitaro, I reached the blend I wanted that eventually became known as Horoshiba Horrifica.

But enough of me talking about WHY I’m creating H2. What is this series about?

SETTING: Horoshiba Horrifica’s about a Witch Apprentice named Nera Valakuzo that lives in the city of Horoshiba, home to Witches, Demons, Werewolves, Vampires, Phantoms and Humans who, after a millennia of co-habitation, look almost identical to humans except for maybe one or two details. Nera is, for all intents and purposes, a klutzy girl with a thirst for knowledge and more than a little energy. With her Frankenyan familiar, Francesca Nyancy Porohezora (or Poro for short) by her side trying to convince her to stay out of trouble, Nera is unable to turn a good tome down. And after finding out there’s a SECRET book she had never heard about, she goes and gets her hands on it.

It’s not her fault that her finding the tome is part of an Ancient Prophecy. And that said prophecy would unleash the exact Evil Queen that the Unity of Six Dominions has been trying to erase from History for the past 1000 years.

After unleashing the Dark Queen Zarafine back into the world, Nera must now use the power of the Horrifica Magnificarum to find the other descendants of the Heroes of the Unity that trapped Zarafine in the pages of the tome before darkness and ruin falls upon the world again.

THE CHARACTERS:

-Nera: Klutzy bookworm that is always trying to improve herself. With a bit of a sweet tooth, and more than a little gumption, Nera is always working every day to do better than the day before. As the descendant of the Witch that captured Zarafine, she is the Magical Girl of Light, Horrifica Magi.

-Poro: When every Witch becomes an Apprentice, they receive a familiar. Some receive dogs, others receive regular cats. When it came to Nera, she bungled the procedure so much, she received a Frankenstein amalgamation she gave a really long name to, so everyone calls her Poro. Like all familiars, Poro is able to talk. Unlike most other familiars, Poro can fly and has unusual strength for something her size, being able to carry a full sized adult. Being Nera’s familiar, she is naturally trying to keep her out of trouble, and is more than a little high strung for her efforts.

-Ulya: Calm and collected, the school beauty Ulya is the envy of every other student. Naturally graceful, with some of the highest marks in the school and a legion of fans, Ulya is always the center of attention. Which usually gets in the way of her time with her girlfriend. As the descendant of the Vampire that captured Zarafine, she is the Magical Girl of Night, Horrifica Bram.

-Yagi: Formerly the quiet type, Yagi was the kind of girl who would start off the journey for self improvement in certain anime titles. With an overbearing mother, an overly dramatic sister, and a part-time job at a pet store, Yagi’s schedule is usually filled to the brim on a day to day basis. Imagine her surprise when she’s pulled into the battle against Evil... As the descendant of the Werewolf that captured Zarafine, she is the ferocious Magical Girl of the Wild, Horrifica Howl.

-Vevi: Due to a life of illness, Vevi is not the most athletic of girls, instead choosing a life of books. With dreams of being a writer one day, Vevi voraciously reads any and every book she can get her hands on. Despite seeming dispassionate, the eternally sleepy bookworm can and WILL talk your ear off about any topic (and we do mean ANY topic). As the descendant of the Phantom that captured Zarafine, she is the Magical Girl of Gates, Horrifica Geist.

-Rona: Ever the troublemaker, Rona is the oldest of her siblings but never able to stand out from them. Mischievous and a little antagonistic, the diminutive devil may have a tendency to think or speak before she acts, but never means to actually cause any real harm. As the descendant of the Demon that captured Zarafine, she is the Magical Girl of Fire, Horrifica Inferno.

-Sen: In the same grade as Nera, Sen is the boy that everyone just seems to like. Good grades, good at sports, good at pretty much *EVERYTHING* he sets his mind to, Sen is just competent in every category all around. It’s no wonder that Nera has fallen kinda hard for him. But the eternal thorn in her side in this matter is Sen’s twin sister...

-Yun: Considered the monster of the School, Yun watches over her brother like a hawk in a bid to protect him. If you ask her why, she’ll tell you she doesn’t really know. But no matter what she says, the sadistic smile on her face when she scares people away from him tells you all need to know. But there’s a really good reason why the pair are like this...

-Zarafine: The Dark Queen that was sealed away before. After discovering a means to conquer several realms, she was *THIS CLOSE* to becoming the Lady of Darkness when the Heroes of the Unity put a stop to her plans. Now free once again, she is gathering her power and forces to start a new campaign of terror.

And with that, the initial setup for Horoshiba Horrifica is complete. If you enjoyed it and would like to see me continue working on it, please feel free to let me know your thoughts. I just really want to make this the best I can.

#magical girl #horror #OC #action #Original Concept #horoshiba horrifica #anime #manga

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questioningyourfate · 3 years ago

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Timing Is Everything

Fate here to provide a lesson from my therapist’s mouth to yours on the power of adapting to adverse conditions. Or maybe that was the biologist who appealed to me for help after claiming I was the cause of him being ostracized from his church, his colleagues, and his community…who can keep ‘em straight, amirite?

Fate,

I was literally born with a skewed sense of timing. Had I been born one day earlier, I would have been the oldest of the students in the grade below me, but as it was, I wound up being the youngest of the students in the grade I was in. Research suggests that surely being that far behind the bulk of my classmates, even if it was by a matter of weeks to months, was the reason I struggled so much with classwork, homework, and team sports.

I got chicken pox three months before the vaccine was available. I didn’t get symptoms until the very end of the last day of class fall semester, when my mom sent me to school because I faked sick so much she was sure I was doing it again, and then had to spend the entirety of Christmas break cooped up away from my family and friends with a fever and the constant itching, only to be just fine when school and all the struggles that came with it started up again.

The year I took the SATs was the year the College Board switched from the 1600 point system with no mandatory writing portion to the 2400 point system where essay writing, never my strongest subject, became a required part of the package. The local college I did manage to get into instituted strict caps on their financial aid packages that year. They also dropped the major I had wanted to get my degree in just as I was eligible to declare it (and had already gotten a good amount of the introductory classes out of the way).

I busted my ass to graduate a year early in spite of all this and did so…just as the Great Recession was declared and employers stopped hiring. I probably would’ve been okay, because my parents had been planning to move away, rent out part of their old house/my childhood home, and let me due landlord/property management duties, but the rental market dried up and I was forced to move back in with them with no resume-padding opportunities (and also living with my parents again, le sigh).

I’d gotten a degree in computer sciences, which should’ve led to all sorts of opportunities, but every tech firm or private development co. I joined would fold within months of me coming on board. I did manage to save up money which I’d invest, only to have whatever promising company I’d bought stock in collapse overnight due to being busted for fraudulent practices or whatnot.

I finally got a stable-sounding opportunity a couple years ago. I was set to start on March 16th, 2020. Two days before that, most of the US followed the example of most of the rest of the world and shut down in a mostly useless attempt to stop the COVID-19 pandemic in its tracks. My new company immediately switched to remote work for its existing employees, and for those like me who would have to be physically present in order to do our jobs (the role was in computer hardware rather than software), well, we were S.O.L. And speaking of the ‘rona, there’s another fun disease I caught just before the vaccine was made available. This time, I got it a week before I would have been eligible to get my first dose from the local pharmacy. For having an allegedly mild case, I sure do have an awful lot of trouble breathing when I walk across parking lots still, not to mention feeling slower and even shorter on attention than I used to be.

The big picture’s bad enough, but there’s also other, pettier stuff: trying to take Mom out to her favorite restaurant only to find that they’ve changed their schedule and we’re going there on the day they’re closed. Trying to take a date to see a movie only to find that the theater’s shut down to deal with an emergency flooding situation. Not having time to claim a Buy One, Get One Free coupon until the day after it expires.

My grandmother always used to tell me that “God chooses his toughest warriors to fight his greatest crusades,” but Fate, can’t you (or Him, or whoever) cut me a break once in a while?

Your God may indeed want strong warriors, but I believe He (or I, or whoever) also needs test dummies to see how the status quo compares to the new idea in order to verify whether “new” also means “improved.” Sometimes, He/I/Whoever will let our guinea pigs - er, subjects - flip from the control to the experimental group, and as with all experiments, the outcome is uncertain until we let the test run its course.

It’s not all the time that we have a favorite subject whose results provide constant amusement, of course.

#bad timing #fate's plaything #guinea pig #test dummies #fate #questioning fate #questioning your fate

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bestfriendforhire · 3 years ago

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Children of BFFH, Entry 113

“Do you think that’s as foreboding as it looks?” questioned Four, staring off into the distance.

Our group in Ancient Tribes of Earth was on a tall hill, looking over the landscape. The Jaggagawaroeth looked like a moving hill in the distance, keeping a slow, lumbering pace while occasionally taking a swipe at something it didn’t like.

I had a number of ideas to try fighting the thing, but no one had wanted to try any of the ones I suggested thus far. Yes, we might die again, possibly permanently losing all of our equipment, but running from a creature for this long was really getting to me. Sadly, even Grandma Death told me that running could be the more heroic course if it saved the most lives, but I preferred being able to face my villains directly.

Thoughts drifted back to my birthday, when Messy and I were allowed to save people for real rather than just in a game. I smiled contentedly as I mentally relived the best parts. Yes, we had totally failed a number of times toward the end, but Grandma Death gave us redos till we finally got it right. I was really thankful for the redos. Messy would never have joined me again if we had ended with failure.

Focusing on the area in the game that had grabbed Four’s attention, I had no clue what I was seeing. My character’s eyesight was incredibly poor, though I was assured early in my gaming days that most people wouldn’t see any better. For a moment, I let my mind follow the currents through the machine. I knew what went into a computer and how each part worked. If I could just focus like Grandma Death, I’d understand everything that was being said. I could follow the current to the servers and really get a good look at the world, but… I knew Grandma Death. Actually understanding anything she did without her blessing was impossible and would likely lead to a scolding from the Boss if Grandma was particularly displeased.

“That land’s unholy.” stated Layla confidently.

I looked from her to her screen at her house to the land again, not certain what she was seeing that I wasn’t.

“How do you know?” asked Aid and Four at nearly the same time.

“I did the trials to become a Paladin. Cleansing unholy land was one. You can tell by the coloring.” she told them in a poor attempt at an explanation.

I wanted details! Yes, the land did have a slightly grey cast to it. I felt that there might be a gloom to the land as well, but I was probably just seeing gloom because I couldn’t really see any details that I was accustomed to seeing. I sometimes wondered how people managed anything when they could only see with their eyes, and my physical sight apparently exceeded theirs by… a lot.

“What should we expect to face there?” asked Messy, sounding interested as I was examining everyone’s eyeballs, noting the difference in structure between even Four’s, Aid’s, and Luce’s. The quadruplets had no noticeable difference, which was probably weird, but their mothers were just as weird in that way.

Layla used the shrug emoji as she said, “Probably undead, but there might be some living creatures too.”

Hooray for the lack of specifics! I frowned as I focused on the gloomy grey land again willing myself to see farther, but my character stoically refused. I loved how my Justine looked, casually standing with her large hammer resting over her shoulder as her skirt and cape moved slightly in the wind.

“Let’s go there.” stated Four.

Rona squealed excitedly. When I focused on her home, I saw her literally dancing in her seat, grinning happily as her mother looked up with an amused grin. “I’ll get a huge boost to my Necromancer spells there!” she exclaimed, perfectly happy.

The frown in Layla’s voice was obvious as she said, “I won’t. Some of my abilities will have reduced effect. Even Perseverance will take penalties there, won’t you buddy?” She made her character pat the horse.

“If we get slowed down enough that the Jaggagawaroeth catches up, I’m blaming you.” teased Luce, obviously speaking to Four with how her character faced him.

Though Luce wouldn’t be able to see it, Four nodded.

“I’m hoping the Jaggagawaroeth gets bogged down in the undead as well. If there are any powerful ones there, maybe they’ll be antagonistic to the Jaggagawaroeth and get it off our backs. This might be the place where we can finally ditch it.” he explained hopefully.

With that settled, our group hurried back onto the wagons and proceeded down the hill. I joined Doc, Rona, and Dea in scouting. Several of the vampires joined us too once night came in the game. I, for one, was still excited about seeing unfamiliar terrain. This whole quest into the unknown was thrilling!

We had set out just to pick up Valeria’s character, and I was still thrilled by the combination of Brightborn and vampire. The ominous, red light of her character encompassed our wagons as we traveled, and she’d increase the glow further when we were in combat at night, helping those that had trouble seeing in the dark. Her vampire abilities had, of course, grown in leaps and bounds due to the inheritance from Cosette’s Madeleine, but I really was fascinated by the Brightborn abilities.

Her “hurl essence” ability seemed to have the light and fire type, decreasing in effectiveness against anything resistant to either type. The boosting effect of her aura on the other vampires in the group also seemed to affect Rona’s undead to a lesser extent, though I doubted she noticed. I was guessing, though I didn’t want to force anyone to test it, that the radiance also protected the other vampires from sunlight. There were a couple “close calls” that didn’t damage anyone, despite Stormcrow clearly being hit by direct sunlight. So far, she hadn’t unlocked any new abilities, but I was betting those would come soon, since we were getting plenty of combat on this adventure.

From our original objective to the endless chase of the Jaggagawaroeth, I simply wasn’t in a hurry to return to Ashengarde City. An idea popped into my head as I considered the various abilities within our group, especially Ella’s. As the smile spread across my face, I caught Messy staring at me with a worried expression.

#Children of BFFH #Children #of #BFFH #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

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lindoig1 · 6 years ago

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Our cruise - Part 2

Sunday St Kilda Day 53

It is apparently rare for the expedition ship to be able to land on St Kilda due to rough seas, but we were lucky and got ashore easily.

Half the group explored the village and surrounds with Carol while I joined the hardies that climbed to the top of ‘The Gap’. It was quite a climb! VERY steep and hundreds of metres high. At the top, there was a sheer drop to the ocean far below and I felt quite vertiginous whenever I got too close to the edge. Fortunately, there was quite a gale blowing me away from the precipice, but it gave me the shivers to see others in the group peering over the lip into the abyss without any hesitation. There were thousands of birds nesting on the narrow ledges below and at the top, we had to avoid the swooping skuas if we wandered too close to their nests. On the way down, we spent quite some time watching a pair of Great Skuas fighting with a pair of Arctic Skuas, apparently a territorial dispute. Their aeronautical skills were wondrous to watch and it all got complicated whenever one of our group wandered too close to the fray and all the skuas started attacking us. Once we removed ourselves, their private war resumed.

There is an ancient breed of wild sheep unique to St Kilda and they were roaming everywhere. We were warned not to get too close to the rams or between ewes and their lambs, but they all seemed very docile to me. But they pooped EVERYWHERE!

The whole island is dotted with over 1400 cletes. These are stone structures, usually domes, ranging from 2-3 metres in diameter to some twice that size, all with an opening on the uphill side. They were apparently used as storage areas in times past, but there were also stories about the locals hiding out in them when the raiders came, mostly bloodthirsty Vikings, and the entrances were uphill so the raiders virtually had to enter each clete to see if anyone was inside – and that put them at a disadvantage.

After our time on St Kilda, we returned to the zodiacs for a cruise along the coast before lunch. We saw lots of grey and harbour seals and, of course, there were nesting birds everywhere – mainly puffins, guillemots, shags and kittiwakes with a few fulmars and gannets cruising to see if they could steal a meal of an egg or a chick.

After lunch, the ship took us to some towering islands, really just 3 giant rocks (stacks), where Britain’s largest colony of gannets were nesting – over 60000 pairs of them and they filled the air by the thousands, giving us the chance for a myriad of great photos. There were many thousands of other birds too so it was a very exciting couple of hours as the ship cruised quite close to the islands as it circumnavigated them.

I saw a whale (the only one for the trip) and that got people pretty excited, but I think only a couple of others saw it, including the tour leader. I have absolutely no doubt that it was a fin whale – a perfect match for the poster on the bridge as well as the ones we saw off the Kurils 2 years ago, but the tour leader reckons it wasn’t big enough for a fin so it wasn’t recorded as such – but I KNOW!

After dinner, Heidi gave an interesting talk about the Seabirds of Scotland and I was delighted to note that I had seen all but two – and have since seen both of them, although I would still like a better look at the red-throated loons.

Monday Lewis Day 54

We had 3 different landings today, two of them wet landings. Actually, they were damp landings rather than wet – an inch or two of water, but only because they didn’t pull the zodiacs up the beach quite far enough.

The first visit was to an ancient ring of standing stones in the centre of a cross and avenue of other standing stones – something like a miniature Stonehenge with a lot of other stones arranged in rows around it. They are at least a few thousand years old and Carol had stories about every one of them. They were believed to have some sort of metaphysical significance and several of the group got into the spirit of it and imagined an enormous spiritual overlay and wanted to sing hymns or chant (maybe dance naked under the moon) and started singing the most cringeworthy rendition of Waltzing Matilda (would you believe) to the horror of us and most of the other busloads of visitors. I left them to it and went looking for photos and birds while Heather traipsed along to one of the other two sites the group explored – the third site was a couple of kilometres away and getting there and back meant many of them were late back to lunch – tut, tut!

The second landing had us exploring a reconstructed Stone Age ‘Black House’ at Bostadh. Mildly interesting, but the self-proclaimed guardian of the place was a woman whose interpretation of numerous aspects was in direct conflict with things Carol had told us. I found the house itself a bit claustrophobic with 30-odd people crowded inside, all trying to instil some sacred significance to her every utterance and with my scepticism in full flight. I escaped when I could and went tramping up a very steep and boggy valley to a spectacular sea loch at the end and spied the only raptor anyone identified on the entire voyage – a hen harrier. Brownie points to me because I got photos of it to prove the sighting.

After dinner, most of us (not Heather) went for a ramble on yet another part of Lewis and it proved a little challenging. It was VERY steep and quite boggy and I found part of it a little scary so I took a very circuitous short cut back across some quite different hills and got back to the zodiacs about the same time as those who didn’t wimp out. I was very happy with my ramble though and I am sure I didn’t expend quite as much energy (or nervous energy) as the rest of the group. (I was not the only one to wimp out – I had plenty of company on the way back across the mountains and moors.) The main thing the group was trying to see was the lobster holding pens. This is an area where two stone walls have been built across the loch to form two pens of several hectares each and the fishermen catch lobsters out to sea and put them in one or other of the pens until they are big enough and prices are high enough to reclaim them and take them off to market. This is obviously a time-honoured practice that goes back at least a couple of centuries.

Back on the ship, we had what was probably our rockiest night – but I am pleased to report that neither Heather nor I got seasick at any time during the trip.

Tuesday Sula Sgeir and North Rona Day 55

We had a little sleep in (until 7:30) today because we were staying on board for the morning. The ship cruised around the giant sea stack of Sula Sgeir, another huge gannet colony. The gannets were a major source of meat for the Shetlanders for many years and the bravest still visit once a year to collect the chicks just before fledging when they are at their fattest and tenderest. It is quite mind-boggling to imagine how they could possibly land and scale the sheer cliffs to a tiny ultra-rudimentary shelter built at the top that has been home to the most intrepid for 2 weeks every year for centuries. It scares me to even think of the climb, much less the dangling off the edge to capture and kill the chicks ready for plucking and cleaning and transport back to the main island – if a boat is even able to get close enough to allow them off the stack. Really creepy for anyone, but especially those challenged by scary 200 metre plus precipitous heights (me).

It was very foggy after lunch, but most of us braved the choppy conditions and went ashore on North Rona. It was a very slippery landing and re-embarkation long and challenging tramp across the island, dodging hundreds of territorial skuas. We trekked to an old oratory and village at least 13-1400 years old. It is mainly a lot of piles of stones almost overgrown with long grass, but a key archaeological goldmine for the scientific community. There is not a lot to see these days, but it is hard to imagine the deprivation and hardships experienced by the original settler, St Ron, who wanted to serve God away from the temptations of the hoi polloi. He took his sister with him to do all the work while he meditated, but it is said that he had impure thoughts after getting a glimpse of her ankle as she climbed a hill in front of him – so he banished her to a nearby, even less hospitable, island where she lived alone until her early death.

Heather sat that excursion out and probably just as well. It was a lot of hard work, steep climbs and a long and exhausting tramp through the fog in both directions. One of the most enthusiastic older women in our group slipped on the seaweed-covered rocks and hurt herself, fortunately not seriously, as we were reboarding the zodiacs for the return to the ship. This was another of the occasions when we found the ship in the fog by the use of GPS navigation – at 70-80 metres away, the ship was invisible.

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