#back at it again in the shower with my clothes on. bawling.

[vegaseatsass]

Theory of Love is definitely one of the hardest BLs to take seriously that I've watched so far (NOBODY SPOIL ME PLS I am up to ep6 and hoping we're gonna switch at some point from Gun POV to Off POV and turn the perspective on its wet-from-water-bottle-showering head, but I don't KNOW for SURE so don't tell meeee) but one thing I'm really vibing with is just how well it captures the sheer disastrousness of disastrous gay friendships!!!

I don't love watching a bunch of dudes be toxically masculine @ every girl that walks past them (though I understand that this performance is the sibling to the boy craziness I performed at all the girls I was in love with in grade school), but I just love the dynamic within the friends group of like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHY ARE OUR FRIENDS SUDDENLY ALWAYS MAD AT EACH OTHER??? WHERE IS ALL THIS DRAMA COMING FROM?????

The drama is coming from Disastrous Queer Friendship. From two friends who cannot/will not communicate how they feel for each other or why "just" friendship is not working. There is no escaping it my guys all you can do is ride the ship through the storm at your bros' side

[covetyou]

stupid cupid

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader rating: Explicit (18+ only!) warnings: oral sex (f receiving), unprotected P in V, a few ass slaps, sex toys (butt plug and a dp dildo), anal play, anal sex (with a dildo), double penetration, creampie, vague fluff and emerging feelings (gross), the wings stay ON. word count: 5.2k summary: Joel makes a return to your home, this time with another gift to give. Will you be his Valentine?

A/N: he's here. he's back. baubles joel, big bawl joel, the holiday king himself. and yes, yet again something that probably shouldn't be a series is becoming a loose-fit series because I just can't quit.

I guess you can all be my Valentine's if you'd like and we can smooch and hold hands and stuff, idk (I love you 💛) gorgeous V day divider by @saradika-graphics

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You didn't expect to scream the moment you entered your bedroom after a long day at work.

Of course, you had wanted to scream all day. First, when you spent the morning fighting with a piece of software that just did not want to work. Then, when you watched your colleagues trickle out of the building well before 5pm, all on their way to romantic dates, while you were stuck in your seat making up for your - and their - lost time this morning. And when you finally stumbled from the building at 8pm, only to sit in traffic for another fucking hour? You may just have let a furious squeal escape your throat as you gripped the steering wheel.

As you finally pulled into your driveway, the only things on your mind were a hot shower and takeout food.

The first part had gone without a hitch. Mostly.

Stripping off your work clothes before you'd even got to the bathroom, you hadn't noticed a single thing different about your home. As you tossed your clothes into the hamper, nothing was amiss. Stepping under the hot stream of water, you felt totally at peace for the first time that day. There was a kind of serenity to be found in your own bathroom that didn't exist anywhere else. No, nothing was unusual at all.

And then you'd loosely wrapped a towel around you, not bothering to dry yourself, and crossed the short distance across the hall to your bedroom. You weren't to know you never closed the door this morning when you left - that was 14 hours ago, afterall. Sunset had long since been and gone, so how were you to see anything, or anyone, where it shouldn't be until you sleepily flicked the light on after closing the door behind you.

So, naturally, when your brain finally registered DANGER - INTRUDER you screamed, almost dropping your towel in the process.

And that's where you still are, locked to the spot, fight or flight truly fucking off from your mind entirely, as you stare straight ahead.

There's a man on your bed. A very familiar man. His hulking figure splayed across it like some kind of fucking renaissance painting, naked as the day he was born, except for the fairy wings strapped to his back with elastic and... is that a bow and arrow? And a pacifier?

"Santa Joel?"

Joel rolls his eyes, pulling the pacifier from his mouth with a pop.

"I ain't Santa. Does this look like Santa to you?" he says, with a sweeping broad gesture down his body. He decidedly does not look like Santa. You're not sure what he looks like, and you're not sure you care when you can't help but notice he's at half mast already. Dragging your eyes from his crotch, you look at his face, somehow sweet and angelic even with his dick out.

"Okay, well... what are you?"

Looking at you in disbelief, he slaps the pacifier down onto the bed before swinging his legs over the edge to sit upright. Only, now you're not so sure it's a pacifier. It looks like a - but why was he sucking on it?

"Ain't it Valentine's Day? I'm Cupid, stupid."

"Cupid Joel?"

"Cupid Joel. It really that difficult to work out?" With a lopsided grin he picks up the bow, miming shooting you, before resting his elbows on his knees. The soft trickle of water down your body feels more and more like you're melting by the second. A practical stranger like Joel shouldn't have been able to do this to you the first time, but the fact he was here again, charming and suave, despite the nudity and criminal activity, told you all you needed to know. You were painfully and woefully attracted to him and you would do just about anything to have a night with him again.

"Well, Cupid Joel, you broke into my house. Again."

He ignores you, lounging back on your bed and spreading his knees wide, picking up the - yep, that's definitely a butt plug - again and sucking it into his mouth. Removing it with a flourish, he looks you up and down, a question in his eyes before looking to his own cock, now much harder than it was a moment ago.

"Different guy, you said that was Santa Joel." You can see him holding back a laugh, and you'd be tempted to wipe the smirk from his face if you weren't rooted to the spot. "Anyway, that guy told me he didn't see any pictures when he was here, guessed you didn't have a Valentine. Figure everyone deserves some lovin' on the big day," he says with a shrug and a quirk of his mouth. "So, here I am. Your very own Cupid, if you'll have me, 'course. Don't gotta stay, I can leave if you want me to."

You didn't want him to leave. He'd broken into your house again, and you were exhausted, but seeing him lie there, naked in your bed with the evidence of his little dress up game strewn around him, stirred things in you. If he was willing to give you some lovin' then who were you to turn that down. You're only human, after all, and it is Valentine's Day.

So, you do the only logical thing in that moment and drop your towel without another thought.

"'Atta girl," Joel chuckles patting the bed beside him. "C'mere, got you a present."

Incredible, if slightly strange, sex with a stranger, and he bought you a present? Suddenly the day isn't feeling quite as shit as it was an hour ago, and damp and naked, you approach your bed. You're close enough to him now that you can smell him again, that soft oaky smell throwing you back to the twinkling lights of Christmas Eve. You didn't know any more about him now than you did that night, really. Though, truth be told, you hadn't tried too hard to find him. You had a good time, and the soft lit fantasy of Santa Joel was something you enjoyed exactly as it was. Unveil the man, and you threatened to ruin that fantasy. But a night with Cupid Joel? That could be a new fantasy altogether.

"S'not Christmas any more, don't remember ever having to sit on Cupid's knee to get a Valentine," you murmur, sitting back on your heels as Joel's large hand slides up your thigh. You watch as it moves from your knee to your hip and back again, fingers gently teasing your sensitive inner thigh on the way down. The only hands that had touched you since Christmas were your own, though you had spent night after night imagining his all over you. You were starting to think you'd fallen asleep at the wheel and this was all some wonderful stress dream.

But then he presses a soft kiss to your knee, the scratch of his facial hair rubbing just enough to let you know this is all very, very real and you'd very much like more of it.

"Ain't gonna make you sit on my knee for it. Might want you to sit on somethin' else though."

You laugh, rolling your eyes. "Real smooth, Cupid."

And then he's smiling up at you as he leans forward to kiss your thigh, then your belly, pushing you back with one large hand until you're laying beneath him, spread bare and open as he makes his way back down to your thighs.

It's so easy to get lost in it. The soft scratch of the scruff on his chin, rough fingertips moving gently across your thighs, soft lips pressing and sucking delicately on you, catching the last specks of water from your skin with each pass of his mouth. Your eyes drift closed just as his breath ghosts across your mound, another soft kiss soon following, and another, and another.

Until, blissfully, his soft mouth connects with your clit, tongue peaking out to swipe across the sensitive bud. It had been so long since anyone had gone down on you, long before you made the move to Texas last year, you'd almost forgotten what it felt like. Stuttering for a while, you're about to feebly mumble how good it feels, but all thoughts grind to a halt when he sucks your clit into his mouth, moaning before softly releasing. You had never had a man moan eating your cunt before, and now here you were, fairly certain angels were real and you'd gone to heaven, taken there by Cupid Joel and his wings.

"You always this late home, or did you have a date that went to shit?" he mumbles around your clit. It's a small sneaky way that he asks, wanting clarification on something he was almost certain of but you had yet to confirm. There were no pictures in your house, but that didn't mean there wasn't anyone in the picture.

Shaking your head, you gasp out a response. "Work - work went to shit. Ohh."

"Bad day?"

"Yeah, it - fuck, Joel."

It's then that you take your first opportunity to look down and see him between your legs. His hair looks even fluffier, his hands pushing your thighs open while his fingers pull you apart at the seams. His eyes closed, lashes fanned against his cheek, tongue softly lapping against your center, gusts of his hot breath billowing against your mound. He's beautiful.

And he's still in the fucking fairy wings.

A laugh primes itself, ready to explode out of you, but another firm lick sends you reeling, head hitting the mattress with a thud. Whatever he's doing to you, whatever this fucking day has done to you, you're going to come, and fast.

"Cu-Cupid Joel. Don't fucking stop."

Joel stops mid-lick, earning a frustrated moan from you, eyes widening from where he looks up between your thighs. "Already?" he asks in disbelief, noticing how quickly your legs and cunt have started to twitch.

"Stupid fucking cupid, don't stop, please."

His mouth finds your clit again and he's devouring you, lapping quickly against your cunt as your squirm into him, hips rocking your cunt against his tongue. Another day you'll wonder if it was his tongue or your movement that got you there, but right now all you know is the thick syrupy feeling in your veins as an orgasm quickly rockets through you, a strangled moan leaving your throat as you fist your sheets in your hands. You've muffled him, your thighs clamping around his head as he pushes further forward, tongue buried in your folds until you can't take it any more and you're desperately pulling away from him.

When you release your grip on his head, he gasps, cursing into the plushness of your thighs. Sitting up, he looks down at you, the bedroom light illuminating him from behind, making the wings glow on his back like your very own heavenly creature.

"Wanna see your present now?"

The fog in your head has barely cleared, your ears still fuzzy as you take in his words. Somehow a tongue on your pussy wasn't your Valentine's gift from Cupid?

"Wha - that wasn't it?"

"Nope."

"Is that it," you say, letting a thread of hope feed into your voice while you nod to where his cock hangs heavy between his legs.

"Not exactly, but you can have that too if you want it, darlin'."

You don't know what you expect, but Joel reaches over and picks the butt plug from where he'd discarded it on your bed earlier, and holds it out to you.

"Don't know if you're into it but," he holds the plug out to you, base first. The pink glass looks so delicate in his fingers, and it takes a twist of his hand for you to see it, but the heart shaped base of the plug soon becomes clear to you, brain foggy as it is, and you laugh, the sound bubbling out of your lips as your head tips back, laughing so hard you can feel your tits shake.

"You had that in your mouth."

Joel shrugs. "Better now than after it's been in your ass."

"Why're you so sure it's goin' into my ass?"

Got him, flashes through your mind when you watch his face drop. You don't let him suffer for long.

"I'm fucking with you. You're tellin' me you broke into my house but didn't go through my shit? I got three in the drawer over there."

"Three?!" he says in faux shock, rolling you over onto your front and grabbing at your ass cheeks. He pulls them apart, the cool glass in his hand pushing into your cheek as he tugs you open.

You shriek, swatting behind you as you laugh again. "Joel- what the fuck are you doing!?"

"Checkin' where you keep these three assholes."

"I'm lookin' at one asshole right now."

Now it's his turn to laugh, a deep rich sound that has your toes curling and your pulse sky rocketing, pulling you out of it with a gasp when he slaps a hand down on your ass only to watch it ripple with the impact.

"So, do you want it in?"

"Mhm, I have lube in the bedside table."

A rummage later, you wait, kicking your feet in the air, resting your chin in the cup of your palm. When he turns again, he sees you waving your ass from side to side, ready for him. Slick is coating your pussy, your upper thighs glossy with it too.

"That a present all for me?"

Pulling your cheeks apart again, he kisses each one, lightly nipping on the soft flesh as he does. And then, without much warning, he burries his tongue between your spread legs, licking a thick stripe from your clit to your asshole, groaning with every lick over your tight ring. Fisting the sheets, you press your face into the mattress. If he's going to keep doing this before he even fucks you, you're going to come again and fall asleep before he can get inside you.

"I thought this was a present for me, you're acting mighty excited back there."

"It is. Never said I wouldn't get anythin' outta it though."

A cool trickle of lube drizzles into your crack, quickly spread by Joel's large finger. He teases for a moment, circling your tight hole a little before gently pushing in.

"Fuck."

Moaning in agreement, you almost speak to agree, but then his finger is gently fucking your asshole and all words fail you. Coming just a moment ago did nothing to stop the need you had for this man, the feeling in your core growing tenfold as each moment passed.

"Fuck, Joel, put it in my ass and fuck me already."

The strangled noise from behind you startles you, and you look back for a second to see Joel's eyes pinched together and his head thrown back as his hand grips tightly around the base of his cock, wings falling forward over his shoulders as he desperately tries to relax himself.

"You can't say shit like that to me, darlin'."

"Then stick it in me, stupid."

Fingers slick with lube, he strokes the plug, before sliding the cold tip across your hole.

"Wanted go slow. Wanna watch you take it."

With a soft push, he presses the tip forward, watching as your hole accepts the cold tip with ease. This was always something you loved, even playing with your plugs by yourself when the feeling took you. It had been too long since anyone else had played with your ass, and you can't say you were too mad about Joel being the first to touch you there in so long.

The stretch is soft, and soon the bulb of the head pushes past your tight ring, making Joel hiss behind you as he watches you take it. He fucks you with it once, then twice, before pushing firmly, letting your ass take the entire length of the plug. Twisting it, he sits the heart upright, before leaning forward to kiss it. It's not often you get a man's face buried in your ass so, figuring it's karmic justice for the species, you push back into him, holding back a laugh when a small oomph escapes his lips when your ass collides with his face.

"Gonna tell Santa Joel you did that. No nice list for you."

"Then if I'm already on the naughty list, fuck me already. You promised me lovin'."

Wiggling your ass, you arch your back to expose your pussy to him even more. He hasn't so much as put a finger in you yet, and part of you is glad for it. You want to feel his cock pull you apart as it fills you, pushing past the ridge of the plug lodged in your ass. You want to feel stretched and full and ruined.

Joel seems to be on the same page, shuffling forward, dick in hand, sliding the tip through your slick folds. Catching on your entrance, he runs the tip of his dick across the plug where it's nestled inside you before pushing down, slipping into your empty hole.

And fuck is it tight. If it feels this good for you, the half-filled and stretched wide feeling of his cock in one hole and the plug in the other, you wonder how it must feel on his dick. You're wet, dripping really, soaking his cock and letting him in with ease, but there's the solid lump of the plug dragging along the top side of his cock as he pushes in.

Deciding he's going too fucking slow, too tentative when all you want is to be filled, you push back. In one swift rock you take him to the root, gasping and hitting the bed with your fists as he bottoms out, his own fingers digging into you flesh harshly.

"Sh-fuck, fuck."

Stopping, you almost pull away, worried you might have hurt him, but his grip stops you. Before you can turn or question him, he's pulling back, slamming in hard again, groaning when you take him completely.

If Santa Joel destroyed you, Cupid Joel is going to wreck you entirely. And you welcome it.

He's fucking you steadily in no time, relishing in the sound of your moans getting higher and higher in pitch with each pound.

Your knees buckle first, planting you face first in your sheets. Joel tries to pull you up, but his own knees are slipping, dragged down by the grip of your cunt on his cock. Giving in, he crowds over you, pumping deep into you despite the tangle of limbs you've become in the last few seconds. Somewhere in the scuffle you've kicked the bow and arrow, listening as they clatter to the floor just as tangled as the two of you are.

He's warm, and sweaty, and heavy above you, holding just enough of his weight on his elbows to let you breathe. Making a few more shallow thrusts, he suddenly stills, nose breathing deep into your hair.

"Shit. Can't come yet. I got one more surprise for you," he pants into your ear, offering you a soft kiss to your shoulder before his weight shifts.

You want to grab him and hold him to you, beg him to come in you already, but he has other ideas and he's pulling out before you can grab him. "Ugh."

"Gimme a sec," he grunts from behind you. "Can't - hmfph - get it over - god damn it - my balls. There. Got it. Snug but, damn, look at that."

Looking behind you, you watch as he sways from side to side, looking down where his cock bobs between his legs. He's mesmerized, and soon so are you.

He's strapped another cock just below his own, the tapered black dildo just shorter than he is. It sits flush to his full balls, anchored to them by a thick ring, another wrapped around his length. Even with the sounds of his struggle, you're amazed he got it on so quickly.

"Don't have to take both but," and he shrugs - fucking shrugs all coy and uncertain as if he hasn't reached into the depths of your brain and pulled out your most desperate fantasy of taking two cocks at once.

"Didn't wanna spook you, but given you like gettin' your asshole played with," he says with a press to the plug still sat in your ass. "Worth finding out if you're into ass fuckin' too."

You were. Fuck yes, you were. You had your own collection of toys and plugs for a reason, but it had been a criminally long time since anyone had really fucked you there. Other than Joel, it had been a criminally long time since anyone had fucked you anywhere.

"If I say yes, what else are you gonna pull out from back there? You got a bag of tricks around here somewhere."

Joel gives you a toothy grin, stroking his hand over his slicked cock before sliding two fingers straight into you. "Tool bag is downstairs, but ain't got anythin' in there I'd like to put in here darlin', don't worry."

Fingers slipping slick and wet inside you, pressing firmly upward with help of the plug still lodged in your ass, you're rendered speechless again. Reaching out for him you hold his hand in place, fucking yourself on his fingers for a moment before reaching further toward him.

Joel gasps when your hand gently cups around his balls, the thick rings of the toy strapped around them making them seem even fuller with the press of the dildo into them. You roll reach one beneath your fingers, catching the dark look in his eyes.

"You like 'em, huh? Know you liked havin' 'em in here."

"Fuck. Thought about it so much since. Dreamed of you coming back to fuck me with them again."

"Tsk, ain't disappointing you, am I?"

"Joel, you have two cocks and you're threatening me with a good time. You couldn't disappoint me right now even if you tried. And you broke into my house. Again. Now, if you don't fuck my ass with either of the cocks you have there soon I'm going to do it myself," you say, fingers stilling on his balls, before you think again and add, "Please."

"Since you asked so nicely, sweetheart. C'mon now, lemme take this out. Can put it back in this needy hole after. That's it."

It's surreal, looking up at him as he gently tugs the plug out of your ass, offering you sweet murmurs of encouragement. You know nothing about him, save for his first name and penchant for dress up games. And yet, the desire you have for him is steadily creeping upward as time ticks on. Truthfully, you didn't even really remember what he looked like when you thought about him, fingers toying with your clit as you came to memories of Christmas eve. Low light and mind melting orgasms will do that to you. All you knew was his voice and the soft filthy way he fucked you. Now, getting a proper look at him without the shield of twinkling lights and that red jacket, you can truly appreciate him. He's fit, though you suspect he's never stepped foot in a gym a day in his life. He's soft too, in the way that strong sturdy things are soft. You want nothing more than to pull him into you, to press his softness against your own as he ruts into your holes, but that's decidedly not what this is. Whatever this is, between the mild crime and fucking, it isn't that sort of soft sweet thing.

You don't know how he's going to do it, which cock is going to take which hole, but you decide you don't care when he's leaning over you to press a soft kiss to your lips. When your legs wrap around him of their own accord it's all but decided, and he takes his cock in hand - his real one - and lines up with your dripping slit, pushing in slightly before fumbling below for the other. It takes a moment - the lubed up dildo slipping from his grasp as he huffs and tries, but fails, to slot it against you. Briefly tangling your fingers with his, you take over, positioning the toy at your ass, feeling it slip in a little already as he grinds his hips forward, desperate to be balls deep in you again. With both cocks poised and ready you moan, quivering and clamping your eyes shut at merely the thought of being fucked in both holes at once.

With one more press forward, Joel slides in, the glide of lube easing the dildo into your ass as his cock reclaims its place inside your pussy.

And fuck, you have never been so full, and Joel has never fucked something so damn tight. The space his cock would normally make is taken up by the dildo, fighting for position inside of you as he rocks gently, sliding in and out of you with gradually deeper movements. The deeper he presses, the more desperate your moans become, and you catch the hesitation in his face before he can move.

"Don't you fuckin' dare stop."

This time he doesn't, wordlessly pushing into you and filling both your holes to the brim as sweat trickles down his face. You want to lick it off him, to sink your nails into his back, wings be damned, to lick the salt from his skin and bite down into the the firm flesh at his neck. But the only thing you can do before he's fucking you in earnest is grab hold, careful to avoid snapping the elastic of his wings against his shoulders as he pounds forward. There's no candlelight and rose petals here, just the raw sound of skin slapping against skin, grunts heaving into the air as you pull yourselves into each other.

"Tell me how it feels," you rasp into his ear, watching the flap of wings over his shoulder. "Tell me how it feels fucking me with both of your cocks."

"Oh, shit, it's good. So good, baby. Someone's definitely goin' on the naughty list next Christmas. You likin' this? You likin' being fucked in both holes?"

A frantic nod is all you can manage as he starts hitting a spot in you you didn't know existed, building pressure in your cunt like never before.

"I know. You're just so full, ain't you. Take two dicks so well. Pulling me in so good."

Hoisting your legs over Joel's hips, you grip around him, a loud moan bursting out of your chest as he fucks back down, deeper now at the new angle. This is it. This is how you die, you're sure of it.

"How close - How close are you. I think I'm gonna - fuck - die -AH!"

He stops grunting for a moment to force out a breathless "Am I hurtin'?"

It only takes one look at you for Joel to realize he's not hurting you at all. There you are, fucked all the way to oblivion and back, a chorus of angels screaming in your ears with each snap of his hips. You're going to come again, clit untouched and holes filled, a way you've never managed to before. You don't even know how it's happening, all you know is that suddenly your soul feels like it's being pulled straight from your bones, through the middle of you and out through your cunt and asshole at the hands of Cupid Joel himself. And then you're gushing, mind and pussy totally detached as you come, soaking his cock and your sheets.

"Yeah that's it," he grunts, his weight surrounding you once more as he pushes into your spasming holes over and over, chasing his own release. If it wasn't for the damn tight rings around his cock and balls he would've come already, but your moans in his ear and your fingers gripping his shoulders spur him forward.

"Joel."

"Gonna come. Gonna fuckin' - uh - come in your tight fuckin' pussy."

"Yes, yes, come in me, please, I can't, I'm gonna -"

Joel stiffens, hips stuttering as he gives you a few hard, shallow thrusts, before he explodes inside you, groaning so loud it makes your ears ring and cunt make one last attempt to clench around him. As much as you soaked him, he's just filled your cunt, cum pushing deep inside you with each spurt, locked in place by the fullness of the two cocks inside you. You collapse back, your ears still ringing and your limbs feeling soft and heavy.

This time you're certain black out for a moment.

But when you peel open your eyes, Cupid Joel is above you again, halo'd by the bright yellow light on your bedroom ceiling. His hair is damp, wet even, from sweat, a bead trickling down his neck and glittering in the light. And in his eyes there's concern, a worried pinch in his brow as he searches your face.

"You passed out -"

"- You're still here."

He rolls his eyes. "Way to make a guy feel special, sweetheart," he says with a cocky smile. "Just checkin' on you, but I can get goin' as long as you're okay."

You nod, the movement feeling as slurred as your speech. "You left. Last time. Saw you walkin'. Jus' wonderin'."

"Wait... you saw that? Shit, I thought you were asleep."

"No, wasn't 'sleep."

"You gonna sleep now?"

"No," you murmur with a nod, closing your eyes as you feel the last sweep of his hand down your neck, pulling a sheet over your limp form, just for you to mumble one last thing before the soft darkness takes you. "Balls... next time... please."

"You got it, darlin'."

It's an arduous journey to the bathroom when you wake up in the dead of night, remnants of cum trickling down your legs and thighs sticking together. Quickly cleaning yourself up, you check the house for signs of him, already knowing that he's long gone. You wonder how he left this time, whether he kept the wings on, whether he still had a second cock strapped to his own as he escaped into the darkness. For all you know, your cupid could have flown away on glittered fairy wings.

And then you're crawling back into bed, takeout long forgotten, any hunger you had satisfied in a different way than you expected. Somehow there's comfort in the wet patch you curl yourself around. Cupid Joel is gone from your house, but there are still traces of him here. The cum on the sheets, the ache between your legs and, as you reach to turn the light off and let darkness take you, the butt plug on your bedside table. Between the Christmas decorations stashed in a box in your closet and this plug, you were slowly amassing pieces of a man you didn't really know - gifts from a stranger that made you feel more at home in this place you'd moved to than anything else had managed to in ten months.

Tracing the outline of the heart with your finger, you stretch and snuggle back down into bed, letting exhaustion take hold and when you dream, you dream of flying.

next part

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[beembeem]

Hey, Love your work! Do you think you could write aizawa x student reader that was abandoned? (platonic, of course)

Have a nice day!

Aww, thank you, Anon! I'd be happy to write aizawa content he's one of my favorites! (^_^) this request hits a little close to home (a bit too close haha) but I had a lot of fun writing this! Let me know what you want me to write next!

Y/n sat on the streets curb, clutching her go bag tightly to her body, the rain pelting her hunched figure and drowning out her silent sobs. Y/n knew her parents were tired of her, all the threats they threw at her, their constant bickering, the number of times her parents told her they hated them to her face. Everything boiled up, and in a fit of rage, y/ns parents threw her out of the house. Leaving her where she is now. A homeless teenager bawling her eyes out in the rain while sitting on a curb in the city of mustafu.

Y/n jumped when a hand was placed on her shoulder, she was so lost in her scrambled thoughts that she hadn't noticed the blue umbrella shielding her from the rain. Y/n looked up and then over at her homeroom teacher squatting beside her holding the umbrella over her. "Y/n? What are you doing out here?" He asked, noting your tear stained cheeks and red puffy eyes. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He questioned frantically scanning your body, without giving you time to answer he stood and pulled you up with him "I'll walk you to your house."he said before handing you his umbrella "m-my parents don't want me there" y/n said, already" choking on her words and fighting the tears that threatened to spill."your parents kicked you out?" Aizawa asked and y/n nodded, fiddling with her pajama shirt, her parents didn't allow you the luxury of getting real clothes on.

"Shit," he cursed under his breath, "alright, come on, I'll take you to my house." He said before grabbing your empty hand and leading you along."Despite the fact that having you at my house is wildly inappropriate, it's either that or you catching your death in this rain. He stated that matter of factly, "plus nemuri would beat my ass if she knew I left you out here." he walked with you following closely behind him before long. You ended up standing outside of his apartment door, your brain still processing the events, and short-circuiting y/n could barely remember the walk. Mr. Aizawa twisted the key to the door, opened it, and ushered you inside. You immediately took off your soaking wet slippers and stood awkwardly by the front door while Aizawa put his coat and umbrella in a nearby closet. "Alright, kid, I'll run you a hot shower, then I'll call nedzu and let him know what's going on." He said, "a-alright. " You filled with the fabric of your wet shirt again, starting to lose yourself to your mind when you were pulled back by two snaps."Did you hear me? Bathroom is the first door on the left, " he said while pointing down the hall."Oh! Sorry, " you apologized before quickly running off to the bathroom and savoring a hot shower.

After drying yourself off and getting dressed in the clothes, Mr. Aizawa gave you and you silently, walked to his kitchen where you found him slumped at the table. You awkwardly stood in the doorway to the kitchen. "Uhm, thank you for the clothes, Mr Aizawa!" You thanked him, and his tired moved from his phone to you."No problem, they're just things nemuri left here." He stated before going back to his phone."nedzu said he reported your parents for child abandonment." He said, motioning you to sit down in the chair across from him before he stood up "I made some cocoa, I made you some" he walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed two mugs full of hot chocolate then returned to the table and set a cup down in front of you. "Thank you!" You said before taking a sip. "So," he stared at you. "What happened?" He asked bluntly. You froze for a few seconds before breaking down in tears .t-they just ditched me, I loved them, and they just threw me our like I meant nothing!" You cried."I - I don't have anywhere else to go! They were all I had and now I won't be able to go to UA because I can't afford my stupid tuition, and-and" it felt like you were choking, you couldn't let anything out except for tears and sobs. Aizawa moved to comfort you, pulling you into a hug and patting your head. He hushed you before saying, "we'll figure it out." You grabbed the back of his shirt and cried even harder.

There'd be hell for your parents to pay.

[umeoniii]

sweet rei

˖⁺‧₊˚❀˚₊‧⁺˖

reiner is a very sweet guy. despite his muscular and tall frame, he’s such a sweet and harmless man. super duper romantic as well.

he buys you flowers all the time, just because you’re dating doesn’t mean that he’s going to stop because he won’t. even on just an average tuesday he has a huge bouquet of handpicked flowers just 4 u. he’s absolutely head over heels in love with you. he’ll do anything and everything for his pretty girl to be happy.

if you’re feeling sad he’s right there, he’ll rub your shoulders and massage your feet asking you what’s wrong, he’ll be completely affected by your mood too. if you’re sad then he’s 10x more sad. and when you finally tell him what’s wrong he’s all over you telling you it’ll be okay and he’ll help make it all better. and he doesn’t fail to make it better.

he buys whatever he possibly thinks will make you feel better. food, clothes, perfumes? whatever it is that he’s caught you talking about on the phone with your girlfriends he’s quick to purchasing it. and when you see all the packages and him sitting by them with a sweet smile on his face you can’t help but jump onto him giving him a tight hug.

there’s nothing he loves more than seeing his soon to be wife beaming.

when you’re upset with him, he literally wishes he were dead. he’ll do anything for your forgiveness whether what he did was as small as getting a little snappy or as big as spilling a drink on your new white platform sandals.

sometimes he quite literally starts bawling because he can’t stand seeing you upset with him. obviously you forgive him very quickly because you don’t like seeing him super down in the dumps.

quickly after that he’s all over you kissing you and telling you how it won’t happen again.

the only time you’ll see him become really upset is when another man is trying to get involved with you. that’s when his actions match his looks. he won’t hesitate to beat someone into a pulp just for whistling at you. then he’ll proceed to get back up and hold your hand all innocently.

devoted isn’t even the perfect word to describe it. sometimes it feels as if he’ll do absolutely anything and that’s when you tell him that it’s okay to just stop. but sometimes he just doesn’t trust himself leaving you alone, ya’ know?

you want food? he’ll cook it. you want to take a shower? he’ll help you wash up. you have to use the bathroom? he’ll stand next to you to make sure you don’t fall in.

you’ve gotten so used to it that it doesn’t even bother you anymore.

there’s not even a slight change when you’re having sex.

when you have sex with him he’s still pampering you and praising you. callin you his sweet little princess and telling you about how he won’t let you go while he’s absolutely destroying you. but it’s not bad because it’s reiner. balls deep and rubbing your fleshy insides it doesn’t hurt, because it’s reiner.

n’ he’s just so in love with everything you do. he’s thinks the faces you make while taking him is adorable. the way you gasp his name softly and tap his back. and especially the way your belly folds when he pushes your knees to your chest. it was the small things he cherished about you.

because rei is just a sweet guy.

♡

a/n: my acc is about to become a reiner fan page >< i literally love him sm.

[huckleberrykai]

husband Kai u say👀👀👀👀👀👀

Im half asleep too so pls don’t mind me not elaborating my thoughts 😭

But first: kai proposing to u. He tried to do something fancy with the help of the boys but turns out every time he tried to pop the question he’d just chicken out😭😭😭😭😭 and one day he came back from work super tired and decided to sleep at ur place, crushing down on the bed with you wanting some cuddles and when my boy is half asleep whining about taking a shower he mumbles something about getting married and you’re just like YES I DO

Ahem anyways soft husband kai who tries his best to make you a nice breakfast ALL THE TIME, not just in special dates or whatever. He’d bring breakfast in bed and feed u😠 (if u happen to be pregnant he’s be so soooooooo gentle with u, always patting ur belly while u eat ☹️)

Husband kai who looks like a giant golden retriever and always tries to make u happy and dad kai who feels so overwhelmed in a good way when u tell him ur pregnant ☹️☹️☹️ he’d do researches all the time, buy books to learn more about gentle parenting and buy those corny baby clothes to match with you guys 😭😭😭😭😭😭

FUCK GHIS IS SO CUTE HDJSKL

crying at ur proposal idea 😭 he'd almost propose on accident, whining into your shoulder cuddled up on the bed. he's still fully clothed fresh home from a long day of practice, and all he wants is a warm shower and cuddles - but he's so tired he can't carry his body over :(

"kai baby you've gotta shower."

"hmmmph,, don't wanna. 'm comfy."

his face is nestled into your chest now, delicate hands holding an iron grip on your waist keeping you close.

"well... how about i get in with you? i can wash your hair for you. we'll be quick then we can get back in bed, i promise."

he looks up at you with the biggest sleepiest puppy dog eyes that are just filled with so much love for you.

"you mean it?"

"well i'm not letting you stink up my clean sheets," you tease.

he laughs along with you but the love in his eyes doesn't waver. "i love you so much. thank you." he smiles wide and sweetly. ".. should just wife you up right now." he mumbles.

"i'm down."

"w-what? you wanna marry me?" his eyes blow wide and he hugs you tighter, holding eye contact and squishing your sides.

"of course i do. i'm not dating you just for shits and giggles kai."

"no i mean.. i mean will you marry me? like seriously? like.. now?" his voice is nervous and shaking a little, tiredness seemingly gone.

"are you proposing right now?" you laugh, and when he nods adorably and his hair falls into his eyes you can't help but lean down and kiss his pouty lil lips :(

"there's a- there's a ring in my backpack!" he jumps up to route through the overnight bag that he brought to your apartment. "i couldn't find the right time but i-"

he didn't even need to finish the sentence before you're jumping up after him and kissing him again. "yes, i'll marry you! now come on, let's shower then you can put that ring on me, m'kay?"

EHUEHEUHEH THEN HUSBAND KAIII he's so soft :(

OH UR SO RIGHT ANONIE he lovessss to make sure you've eaten enough, even feeding you sometimes because you're his baby and you deserve to be fed and pampered <3 also thanku for supporting my tummy lover hyuka agenda bcs his hand is gLUEDDD to ur tummy at all times. he loves when you've just eaten together and cuddle on the couch so he can rub your nice full tummy - and he smiles when you let out a content sigh.

and kai doesn't cry a lot, if ever - but when you tell him you're pregnant with your first baby together.. oh he's BAWLING. hands on tummy intensifies x1000 which you didn't even think was possible. he's stressed but so so full of excitement and love <3

THE GENTLE PARENTING IS SO TRUE HE'S THE NUMBER ONE SOFT BOY !!!! and the matching outfits :(( he'd definitely already be planning Halloween outfits for the three of you and showing you the silliest ones !! he's also the kinda husband that wakes up at 3 in the morning because he thought of a possible name and just HAS to tell you or write it down. (he's not gonna wake you up, he knows better than to disrupt the sleep of his pretty pregnant wifey >.<)

also he's just obsessed with you when you're pregnant!! he's obsessed anyway but you just look so pretty and glowy carrying HIS baby he just feels so protective over you and your little bean :( seeing that ring on your finger and the bump of your tummy just reminds him of the love you share and how much he wants to protect and love you forever :(

man he's just the cutest husband n dad in the whole world he's lovely <3

[petrichorium]

i am barging in to demand (humbly request) the shanks/pluvi lore. specifically how you met. please. i just really wanna know your vision

I am always ready and eager to talk abt shuvi lore truly i hope ur ready for So Much Yappage here 🙏🏻

The basic gist of it is I’m a lighthouse keeper and I end up kinda saving his life when the red hair pirates wreck near my island bc they didn’t listen to me LMFAOOOOO but I’ll put a more detailed account under the cut 🫣 and talking abt this inspired me to make a lil moodboard for our slowburn while i still live on my island (for a timeline it takes about two yrs for him to finally wear me down enough that im like yeah sure ill fuck u, n then abt four more yrs of us in a steadily ramping up fwb until i finally do leave w him—which is a Fraught Decision and a Whole Thing i will not get into here LOL)

It's a year after shanks lost his arm and they left the east blue, uta's with them bc the vague "uta is canon but film red is an au" thing lets me do what i want and what i want is for her to be integral to me warming up to the whole crew LOL (i have aged her up a bit tho, she's 12 here; shanks is 28, im 32ish bc again i do what i want and what i want is to age myself up KJSHDBFJKH). Anyway again im a lighthouse keeper, there's a storm brewing and i see their ship in the distance so i call them up on their transponder snail..........

I think they're coming in from a scuffle tbh, kinda intending to make landing and lick their wounds as they wait out the storm. im like hey ur Too Late and Too Far and ur gonna wreck if u try to make landfall rn. they do not listen to me and attempt anyway. it's a mess, the ship's already pretty damaged and the crew tired and in the chaos uta ends up going over—shanks jumps in after her, one armed and all, and they r swiftly separated from the ship in the storm

uta's fine enough when they wash ashore right beneath my lighthouse and shes also Loud enough that i hear her over the wind so i make the trek out and take my little pulley-lift down the cliffs and like listen. nearly unconscious man i know was one of those pirates who didnt listen to me...... i would not have bothered. but little girl soaked and sobbing and terrified clinging to him........ would be cruel not to help. so i grumble and bitch and trudge over to throw his arm over my shoulders and Attempt (w uta's "help" which is more just her bawling and yanking on his shirt, and also his help which is a bit more useful but still Not Great) to lug him back to my lil lift.

Im in like. Work overalls and a pair of grungy waders and a big ol wool sweater and a coat thrown over—real waterman chic yk—just soaked to the bone bc it’s pouring and the seawater’s doing nobody any favors, cursing up a storm bc shanks is a big fucking man and I’m very much doing the heavy lifting. Anyway he’s half conscious and drops a uh...... clearly addled “you’re beautiful” and I’m like okay dude if ur awake enough to be pulling that bullshit ur awake enough to walk better than this cmon now……….

Anyway we make it to the lift up to the lighthouse w uta just absolutely inconsolable and shanks drifting in and out of consciousness. Im taking the moment to catch my breath and steadily get more and more pissed bc she’s called him captain enough times for me to know he’s definitely the one who just Blatantly Ignored my warnings And she’s called him Shanks enough times that I’ve finally put a finger on who he is—bc one of my responsibilities as lighthouse keeper is also to warn the island of who’s approaching so I keep tabs on the more Infamous pirates of which the red hairs are so I’m even more irate LMFAOOOOOO sooooo serious I am such a cranky spinster in this selfship (even tho again I’m only like. 32 JDNCKSNKDND)

Anyway. Once the lift brings us up to the lighthouse/keeper’s quarters I help shanks to the spare room and grab him some dry clothes and he’s Out by the time I’ve showered n gotten into my own. Uta’s a bit better esp once I get her showered and dried too, she hovers near him for the first lil bit and then is spooked enough by the storm and yk her unconscious father that she ventures back out to stay w me. To help calm her nerves I decide to call into town and see if the rest of the crew has popped up (bc i know the currents and know generally where a ship like that would end up)—im decent friends w the local bartender and shes like yeah they showed up n now theyre weathering out the storm. she puts me through to beckman and he talks to uta and then he n i kinda agree better to just wait until the storm passes and then theyll come take uta and shanks off my hands

it takes like a couple days!!! the lighthouse is abt thirty mins from town but the storm's so bad the route is too dangerous for a bit. shanks remains largely unconscious for most of that; i take care of uta and she n i rlly bond during this time, in fact i let her sleep w me bc shes too flighty to sleep well w shanks.

and then she lets her fleet of uncles into my house while im tending to the light and i come back to be jumpscared by beckman and im like wow this is awful gtfo of my house take ur captain with u i want all of u G O N E 😭😭😭 i am not a people person and i do not naturally get along w men esp not. the kinda men the red hair pirates are i fear so i am very curt and quick to send them off.

it takes shanks another day or so to sleep it off n then he wakes up to a disheveled crew and a wrecked ship w them all stuck for at least a month while the ship is repaired. He only has very hazy memories of me regarding the whole ordeal and it's one of the primary reasons he comes out of it A Bit Obsessed but v much nothing concrete.......

ofc when i finally venture into town beckman points me out and shanks approaches me very eagerly n offers to buy me a drink n im like :) no thank u i would rather not do that actually pls take ur arm off my shoulders and never speak to me again JSHIBFJHB idk........ it takes a couple of other interations && watching me w uta before his Full Infatuation sets in but within the week shanks is v much enraptured and also in denial abt the romantic aspect (in his head he just wants to be friends w me bc uta adores me and i saved him; its like a funky little challenge in his head LOL)

then it's two yrs of him finding every excuse to come back "for uta's sake, shes always asking after her favorite auntie" and slowly coming to realize hes into me and then starting to be Very Obvious about it until i again finally give in. its sweet, idk hes the kinda guy in my head who falls Hard but doesn't realize until hes in the thick of it, poor Beckman who saw the entire future the moment he started asking uta about me when he woke up LMFAOOOOOO

n e way there we go 🙂‍↕️ 🙂‍↕️ i hope it lives up to ur expectations JHADBFJHB

[dollalterer]

How they are with kids

No warnings for this!

Prompt: How well can they handle children?

Characters: Chishiya Shuntaro, Arisu Ryōhei, Ann, Kuina hikari

WC: 745

What I was listening to while writing:

If I have made any personality or spelling mistakes please tell me!! Requests are open and welcomed! (Scenarios and characters)

Chishiya Shuntarō

He thinks he's alright with kids skill wise, since he works with kids often his kid skills are a lot higher than expected. Chishiya doesn't particularly want kids but if you want kids he wouldn't deny you.

You two are out walking to a shop you like to visit holding hands and chatting when a toddler catches your attention. The kid appears to of lost her parents, crying to the point her words can barely be heard.

You walk up to her kneeling down trying to ask her what's wrong but she doesn't respond still bawling.

Chishiya kneels down next to you and calms the girl down with random noises and a game of peekaboo, he let's you speak to her, soon her parents come find her and leave after thanking you both. As you look at Chishiya you see him in a new light, a much softer one than before.

Arisu Ryōhei

He's not good with kids and he knows it. Even if you wanted a kid he'd treat it as a friend more than a son or daughter.

Arisu was strung along with you to a family event, all your cousins would be there even the ones under age 10. Arisu is visibly nervous yet still he manages to have kids near him whenever you look over. You look over once again and notice one of your cousins are crying next to him, Arisu is trying to shush him (bribing him) you have to walk over and drag your cousin back to your aunt before asking Arisu what happened.

You were just as confused as him so you decided to keep Arisu close to you from now on.

"He started crying when he heard my name apparently it was girly and he didn't like it??"

Ann

Ann doesn't mind kids but she definently isn't some prodigy with them. If you wanted kids she would give a stern no.

You and Ann are sitting on your lounge watching movies for Halloween, your cuddled up together paying all attention to the movie.

You say as you leave to the kitchen upstairs. A knock is heard, you being upstairs Ann gets up to answer the door to a teen. Honestly if it wasn't Halloween Ann would've thought it was a poorly planned robbery with the teens clothes.

"I'm going to get some more snacks"

Ann smiles at the teen and closes the door while she runs upstairs to grab a candy apple for her. Your confused about what she needs it for but figure that it's important with the way she's running. When she get back to the door she can see the kid walking to the next house already so she waddles to her and gives her the apple apologising.

"Trick or treat!"

"What happened?"

Your back on the lounge when Ann walks back and when she finishes explaining you laugh at the story then go back to cuddling.

Kuina Hikari

Kuina is good with kids, but that's only if you ask the kid. They like her so much because she's so relaxed about what they do.

Kuina is sitting at a bar when she gets a text from her friend asking her to babysit with her so of course she joins her friend. When she gets there the kid is having organised fun like colouring and drinking apple juice.

"Really? You called me here for this? I thought it'd be some hard to care for kid"

Kuina is a little sad that she isn't at the bar anymore but she gets to spend time with her friend, and some sticky kid, plus her friend needed a break after the continuous 3 hours of kid sitting.

"I called you over so I could shower, it was a hot day at work today so watch over him for me?"

Kuina nods watching her friend leave her with the kid. She decides to not speak for a bit while the kid is busy.

Please reblog and comment if you enjoyed it!

She steps outside the house to call you over, her friend can take 2 hours in a shower. When you arrive you sit together watching TV and playing board games with the kid until her friend is back.

Thank you for reading ^^

[myheartalivewrites]

A VERY INCOMPLETE LIST (PART 2)

I've finally had enough time to finish rewatching the second half of RWRB! Without further ado, here's my very thorough, ACD x HGEJFMW list of things, both tiny and huge, that I loved about the film:

(Yes, I DID think this would be shorter than the first part. I was very, very wrong.)

(here's part 1 if you want to check it out!)

The wide shots of Texas landscape

How excited Alex is to get to work when he gets there

Alex and Henry’s Texas emails

Alex leaning against a building like Jordan-freaking-Catalano, added bonus of his t-shirt sleeves pushed up 🥵

“…and then, I want to lick it off”

White button-down tucked into chinos, sleeves neatly rolled up, bracelets 

The New York hotel room and Henry hopping to get his shoe off and then falling on the bed

“You ever been on Grindr?” “Once, unsuccessfully” and the way Henry laughs when he says that

“Swooniest” 😍

Alex squeezing Henry’s thigh when he talks about his dad

The very obvious bottle of lube and condom wrapper on the bedside table in the morning

“It’s all chill, Zahra”

Zahra full on climbing on the sofa, heels and everything

Henry straightening his shirt as he climbs out of the closet, then neatly closing the doors behind himself with the dignity of a prince (even when faced with Zahra)

“I’m sorry to interrupt your process of becoming”

Pretty much everything Zahra says, but especially the way she says “Your Royal Highness” after threatening and cursing for several minutes

Alex’s very serious face while he tells his mom

“She’s also a he…”

Uma Thurman talking about anal and bottoming and PreP - truly a highlight

“I cannot believe they gave you the nuclear codes!”

The Lake House *swoon*

“You can call me Congressman” “Well, in that case, you can call me Your Royal Highness”

The music in the lake house montage sequence

Henry doing kick-ups

Sharing a hammock and reading 😍 (Yes, OLS and Girl, Woman, Other)

The look on Henry’s face when he goes into a regular bar

Henry’s dorkiness on stage

The “Alex is so in love he could die” moment as he watches Henry sing terribly

How Oscar’s clothes are a lot like Alex’s, and you can see him taking after his dad there, being proud of it

Oh god, everything about them on the dock/raft/pier thingy: “shower time!” and Alex kissing Henry’s neck as he climbs on and Henry kissing Alex’s bicep; the easy, casual intimacy before everything goes to shit. The perfect continuity in how wet they are all the way through! (that kind of thing bugs me) Shorts. Wet body hair, legs, arms, chest. The way Alex glitters.

"I never felt this way about anyone" and the inevitable...

Henry closing off, pulling his hand away, his fake smile 💔

Floating in the water, as if he could hide from his problems in there

Alex’s sad, confused face as he calls out “Henry!”

Oh god, Henry's sad face as he lies in bed in the lake house 😭

“What difference would it make if I did?” and Henry’s holding-back-tears face, the tight little smiles

The picture above Alex’s bed

The soft, vulnerable “What if he won’t see me?” whispered to Nora

Rain-soaked Alex saying “Can we please talk?” in a thick voice that sounds like he’s got a huge knot in his throat and is trying not to cry

“For once, I wish you could see me for who I am and not who you want me to be” and “Sometimes I don’t think you know me at all” 💔

“But, Henry. Nothing will ever happen to you.” Fucking bawling now, thanks

Henry and his key to slip out of the palace

Henry and Alex’s boots in the V&A (I don’t know what to say, I just like them)

Dancing ❤️🥹

History, huh? and his eyelashes 

Alex’s firm grip around Henry’s wrist in the morning, because he’s not letting him run away again

The airstrip: the ring, the key, that hug

“I’ll be as patient as you need”

“The forced conformity of the closet cannot be answered with forced conformity in coming out of it”

The montage of happy moments throughout Alex’s speech

“Mooning over the prince like a cow in labour” and “two lovesick homosexuals” and again everything out of Zahra’s mouth

“Baby”

“No. I’m not okay.”

Shoulder to waist ratio in a black t-shirt

God Save the King plucked on the piano 😂

“We really need to get you a book on English history”

Henry’s face when he says “and now they are faced with the reality”, so hard, so hurt

“I'm white and upper class so my affection comes with strings” and the way Henry cracks partway through and starts to laugh

The ring fiddling as they wait for the King

Ciggies and booze for the King

Stephen Fry’s accent *chef’s kiss*

OMG the King read their emails 😱 The horror

“Homossssexiual” 😂😂

The tears in Henry’s eyes and in his voice when he says “I love you”, finally, properly, for the first time

“We’re the blue team, right?” and “You just say the word, I’ll get your enrolled at UT Austin,” classic father/son-in-law banter and I love Oscar and Henry for it

CASEY MCQ!!

Holding hands in public, in Austin, yes sir

“Oh my god, I’m so grateful you’re here” and that hug

Alex’s bracelets, all the way through (have I mentioned them already?)

The return of that jacket and that hoodie for the final scene, my favourite and most quintessential, relaxed, fully themselves versions of Alex and Henry

“We won.” “We won.”

And of course:

Alex lending Henry his pinky so he can spin the ring on it and soothe himself (over the credits), which someone pointed out on here and it broke me fully

And never forget:

“Do you think anyone noticed?” and Henry’s clenched fists 

❤️🤍💙

[1lostsoul0fishbowl]

excerpts from ch. 66 “phoenix, part two: too long the songs have been silent”

the boys help Gareth through the worst day of his life.

I bawled like a baby the entire time I was writing this. just need everyone to have love and support and good friends like these in their lives; consider this me trying to manifest them for you.

TW: accidental drug overdose (no lasting harm done to anyone)

“What do we do?” Jeff whispered. “Should we take him to the hospital?”

Grant shrugged. “Honestly? We should probably just get him home and let him sleep it off.”

“Is that safe?” Eddie managed to choke out.

“Dude, I read all the junk my mom got from the pharmacy. I don’t think he actually took a very big dose,” Grant informed them. “He’s probably only loopy ‘cause he’s never had anything like this before. But he should be okay.” He paused. “As long as he keeps breathing.”

“That’s not very goddamn helpful, Grant!” Jeff snapped.

“Well, what do you want me to say?” Grant shouted back. “It’s not like they can pump his stomach at this point!”

“Okay,” Eddie interrupted. “Okay. Let’s take him home and let him sleep, and we’ll all stay with him and make sure he’s all right, and if anything gets weird then we take him straight to the hospital. Okay?” He gently brushed a hand through Gareth’s hair, picking out the leaves still tangled in his curls.

Jeff and Grant both nodded. But Jeff spoke up one more time. “What are we gonna tell his mom?”

Eddie shrugged. “I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. Help me lift him, I’ll carry him to the car.”

“I got him.” Grant easily hefted Gareth piggyback style onto his shoulders. “Hang on tight, dude.”

“Don’ wanna go,” Gareth wept. “Like it here.”

“Too bad. We’re taking you home.” Grant wrinkled his nose. “Dude, you reek. You’re getting a shower, first thing, whether you want one or not.”

“‘M tired.”

“You’re also stinky. And your hair’s a mess,” Jeff chimed in.

“Man, fuck all y’all.” Gareth swatted at Jeff, missing him by a mile. “Hate you guys.”

Grant actually giggled. “You do not. You totally love us. We’re your best friends.”

“We love you too, nerd,” Eddie told him. “Kinda wish you’d told us how bad it was before you decided to buy drugs from Rick, though.”

~ * ~

Grant punched one of the pillows to fluff it up. “We should probably go check on him,” he suggested. “Just in case.” He didn’t make a move in the direction of the bathroom, though, and Jeff didn’t seem inclined to either. Eddie sighed again.

“I’ll do it, if you guys are too embarrassed.” He shook his head, snorting a little laugh. “Not like I have anything resembling dignity anymore. Be right back.” He could hear the shower running from outside the bathroom door, but no other noise, and Gareth didn’t answer when he knocked. “You better say something,” Eddie called through the door. “If you don’t answer me in ten seconds, I’m coming in.”

He waited. Silence.

“Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He stepped into the bathroom, kicking aside the dirty clothes on the floor, and perched on top of the closed toilet lid. “You awake in there?”

Still no answer.

“Dude, say something,” Eddie demanded worriedly. “Are you okay?”

Gareth didn’t respond, but now Eddie could discern, almost but not quite masked by the running water, the sound of quiet sobbing. He scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to think what he ought to do.

“Do you need help?” he eventually offered. “Want me to wash your hair?”

Gareth croaked out something that almost passed for a laugh, and finally spoke. “No thanks.”

“I know that seems like a really fucking weird thing for me to say, but, like… sometimes I can’t do it. When I’m really depressed. Sometimes it’s too hard.” Eddie fiddled with the toilet paper roll, twirling it round and round. “And Wayne will come in and wash my hair for me, so it’s one less thing I have to do. If that makes any sense. Once Dustin even did it for me. So it’s not, like… I’m not trying to be weird. But I’ll help you if you need it. It’s okay if you need help.”

He heard another little broken sob and a few sniffles before Gareth answered. “I don’t need help, but… you, um. You could maybe stay. In here. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, man.” Eddie started drawing a picture of Godzilla on the fogged-up mirror. “Are you hungry?”

“Nah.”

“Too bad. I’m starving.” He was only half joking. “Think your folks would make us breakfast later?”

“Probably.” Gareth cleared his throat. “Mom might even bake you cookies or something. For bringing me home.”

“I will never turn down homemade cookies,” Eddie laughed.

~ * ~

Gareth insisted he could manage getting dressed on his own, but when ten minutes had passed and he hadn’t appeared, Eddie got antsy. He knocked on the bathroom door again, calling loudly, “I’m coming in again, dude, so cover up anything you don’t want me to see.” He found Gareth slumped on the closed toilet lid with his head resting against the wall, sound asleep. He’d managed to get his underwear on and one leg into his sweatpants, but that was it. Eddie chuckled, and called out for the guys to come give him a hand.

He steadied Gareth while Jeff helped him get his pants on, and Grant laughed “arms up!” and pulled a shirt over his head as if he was a little child. Then Eddie rummaged through the cabinets until he found a comb and some sort of moisturizing hair treatment. He scooped out a palmful and rubbed it through Gareth’s hair. It smelled like green apples.

“Whatcha doin’?” Gareth murmured, already half asleep again.

Eddie shrugged. “Chrissy always puts conditioner and shit in my hair when she washes it. Says it makes it easier to get the tangles out.” He started carefully working the comb through his friend’s curls, gently easing out a knot. “You need a haircut, my dude.”

Gareth scoffed. “You. You can’t say… nothin’ about anyone’s hair.” He rubbed his eyes. “‘M tired, Eddie.”

“I know, buddy. Lemme just finish this, and then you can go to sleep.” He combed out another little snarl. “Hey Gare?”

“Hmm?”

“Be honest.” Eddie swallowed hard. “Did you take all those pills on purpose?”

Gareth shook his head emphatically no. “I didn’t… I wasn’t trying to… y’know. Hurt myself. Really only wanted to forget.” Impatiently he swiped tears from his face. “Pretty stupid, huh?”

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh. “I mean, yeah, it wasn’t the smartest thing you’ve ever done, but I can kinda understand what you were trying for. Just— promise me you won’t ever do anything like that again, okay? Please?”

“Yeah, okay. Promise.”

“And I don’t ever wanna hear any more of that ‘the Party always comes first’ bullshit, either, okay? You’re my brother, man. I love you. Whenever you need me, I’m here for you, got that?”

Gareth wiped his eyes again. “Got it.”

“Good.” Eddie helped him to his feet. “Let’s get you to bed now, huh?” He held his friend’s arm to steady him as they made their way to his room, where Gareth crawled straight into bed and burrowed under the blankets. By unspoken agreement they all piled in with him, Grant next to him at the head, Eddie and Jeff settling in at the foot.

Gareth nestled into Grant, curling around him like he was a giant teddy bear. He tucked his feet under Jeff’s ankles and closed his eyes. “Love you guys,” he mumbled against Grant’s shirt. In seconds he was asleep.

Eddie smiled. Grant sighed. Jeff sniffled a little bit. They all sat quietly, just listening to Gareth breathing, and when Maggie poked her head into the room to check on them some time later, that was how she found them.

[ace-angel-judas]

Yuta and Hyejin smut in the yandere au? 🫢 we know they did it

(I would like everyone to remember: Hyejin is around 20 in this au and her and Yuta are NOT biologically related. If that makes you uncomfortable, do not read this.)

(Additional warning: This.. this is wild and I don’t mean in a weird way with knots or marking but like.. a fucked up kind of wild.)

Hyejin had moved before.

When her and Yuta’s parents had died, Yuta had moved them out of their little town and to the city. He worked to support the both of them, Hyejin attending a small college in the neighbour hood.

But now they had moved again, this strange man had moved them far away from the city. These white houses were so modern, almost American.

Everyone had been welcoming to her, Jeno was the sweetheart who had helped her escape that place she was trapped. Chenle was waiting here for her but that didn’t help one fact.

Mark and Yuta had disappeared.

She’d spent most of the days and nights crying, curled up in this lush bed bawling her eyes out. Even while Chenle and Jeno tried to coax her out, it had been no use.

Mark and Yuta weren’t here.

Curled up under the blankets, Hyejin couldn’t sleep. It was cold, alone in this bed. She was used to sharing the bed with all of them, curled up between their body heats.

Now, there was nothing.

The door slid open but Hyejin didn’t move, it was probably Chenle checking up on her again, making sure she hadn’t died from heart break. She didn’t move even when the blanket was pulled away.

“Lele,” She whispered, “I’d like to be alone,”

“You never liked being alone, Jinnie,”

She sat up suddenly, eyes wide and stared at the man. Yuta had a grin on his lips, his hair now a deep red color instead of its dark brown. He was wearing a simple shirt and pants, the pink bracelet still on his wrist.

Her bracelet that she’d made him for his 18th birthday.

“Oni-chan!” Hyejin cried suddenly, throwing her arms around him, “You left me!”

“I’d never leave you, Jinnie,” Yuta cooed softly, “I’m your big brother, no one loves you more than me,”

Pulling away from the hug, Hyejin placed her lips against Yuta’s. He hummed softly, pulling away with a smile.

“Jinnie,” Yuta whispered, “You need rest,”

“Please,” Hyejin was crying, tears rolling down her cheeks, “I need you,”

“How can I say no when you’re crying so cutely?”

Their lips locked again, Yuta’s eyes rolling shut as he tasted her. Hyejin always tasted like cherries and cream, a sweetness he was utterly addicted to at this point.

These two months away from Hyejin had been utter hell for Yuta but he needed to keep himself clean, in the eyes of the outside world.

Hyejin’s silk pyjamas were discarded with ease, Yuta tossing them to some unknown corner of the room. He liked when she remained bare for him, it had been a rule before Mark and Chenle had entered the picture.

When they slept together, showered together or even simply watched something together, skin on skin was a must.

“Yuta!” Hyejin demanded as he laid back on the bed, pulling his own clothes from his body.

She squirmed when his hand went around her neck, a sense of relief filling her body. That horrible place had taken her collar, the feeling of Yuta’s hand on her throat filling her with security again.

“My Jinnie..,” Yuta whispered as he watched her seem to calm down but the tears still rolled down her cheeks, “I’m here,”

“Don’t leave again,” Hyejin pleaded, grasping his pair shoulders.

Yuta just grinned, that snake like smile and predatory gaze roaming over Hyejin’s body.

Her tits looked full, pink nipples hard and waiting. The softness of her stomach, hips and thighs had disappeared slightly, no doubt he’d have to rectify that in the weeks to come.

And her pussy, the soft skin pale and pink, glistening with wetness just for him.

Unzipping his jeans, Yuta wasted no time in pushing the head of his cock over her wet pussy, gliding up and down her folds. Hyejin whimpered beneath him, her mouth open and tongue pulled out, waiting. Yuta licked his lips, letting a string of spit leave his mouth and land on her tongue.

Hyejin moaned, her body shivering as she swallowed his spit.

“完璧な女の子,” Yuta cooed out as he stroked her cheek.

Thrusting forward, Yuta threw his head back as his cock pressed into Hyejin’s tight hole. She welcomed him easily, Yuta biting his lip so hard he could taste blood in his mouth.

It had been too long without her, his sweet heart, his reason to live.

Each thrust of Yuta’s hips had Hyejin’s body bouncing, keeping her hands locked on his upper arms. Yuta gripped one of her thighs, lifting her leg around his hips and fucking his cock deeper into her open cunt.

The kiss they shared as hot and needy, the sweet taste of Hyejin’s lips mixing with the metallic taste of the blood on Yuta’s.

His name left Hyejin’s lips like a prayer, over and over again as she came. Her orgasm burning hot and spurring him faster, cock pushing into her tightness repeatedly as Hyejin grasped Yuta’s shoulders.

Yuta finally came, ramming himself deep into her wet cunt and letting his seed explode inside her.

“愛してます,” Yuta whispered as he peppered kisses over Hyejin’s face, “あなたをこのように味わうだけなら、私はこの世界を焼き尽くし、すべての生き物を殺します,”

Her fingers danced over the burn on his shoulder, where he’d scalded her name onto his skin.

Because Hyejin would be burned into his body and soul forever.

[prettywhenibleed]

𝕶𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝕱𝖔𝖗 𝖄𝖔𝖚 (Kill For You)

Pt 2

Fem!Reader x Paul

Most of this chapter is just the reader, Paul doesn’t make an appearance until the end. 

TW: Physical abuse, not the happiest chapter, language

That night, I found it kind of difficult to fall asleep. I was tired, very tired, but I was also really excited about tomorrow night. As I lay in bed, my head swimming with thoughts of Paul, I sat up a bit and I picked up the necklace from where I had put it on the bedside table. I held it up to admire it for a moment before clasping it around my neck. It was a pretty simple necklace. Just a chain with a bat on it. But I loved it so much. I don’t know what it is about bats, but I’ve always just loved them. Besides, since Paul had gifted it to me, it made it all the more special to me. Its weird to say this about someone that I have only just met.. But I feel like I can really, and I mean truly trust Paul. I feel so comfortable and safe with him. God! I must sound completely insane. I let out a huff and flopped my head back down onto the pillow. I laid there in the dark for what seemed like hours, before I eventually managed to drift off to sleep.

I woke up the next day later than usual. I rolled over onto my side to check the time on my alarm clock. 1:12 pm. Shit! I cant believe that I slept in that long. I guess I shouldn’t really be that surprised since I did stay out until nearly 2am. I quickly got up and made my way to my bathroom. It's times like these where I'm glad that I have a bathroom connected to my bedroom. I stripped out of my clothes from last night, only now realising that in my daze from last night, I had forgotten to change. Once in the shower, I felt my muscles relax under the, admittedly very hot, water. I let our a content sigh.

After my shower and getting dressed for the day, I carefully made my way downstairs. Trying to be as quiet as possible. I didn't want to do anything that might set my parents off. I hated the weekends. Purely for the fact that both of my parents would be home all day for the next two days. I silently prayed that, for whatever reason, they had decided to go out today. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I found that I was out of luck. I could hear my parents in the kitchen. I almost debated turning back around and going back to my room before they noticed me..... But yet again, I was shit out of luck. "Get your ass in here now!" I heard my dad yell from the kitchen. I closed my eyes, took a deep, shaky breath, and slowly made my way into the room. As soon as I stepped foot in there, I was met with a swift and harsh slap to the face. I stumbled back, not expecting to be attacked. I held my now throbbing cheek with my hand. I tried my best stop the tears from making their way out of my eyes. I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I just remained silent as I looked at her with a blank look in my eyes. "Where the HELL were you last night?" My mom screeched. Hands on her hips and a rage in her blue eyes that I've become all to familiar with. I wracked my brain, trying to come up with an excuse that would be believable. "Well? Answer your mother you disrespectful little shit." My dad said, walking up behind me and smacking me in the back of the head. I flinched in pain as his large hand made contact with my head. "I-I’m sorry. I just.. I went for a walk and lost track of time." I tried to tell them. My plan of not letting them see me cry, quickly getting harder and harder to achieve. I tried taking deep, shaky breaths to calm myself and bury the need to cry deep down. "Fucking idiot. Can’t do anything right." My dad said in a low, patronizing voice.

After they decided that they had had their fill of abusing me, I was able to make my way back up to my room. The second I reached my room I locked myself in my bathroom, fell to the floor, and proceeded to bawl my eyes out. I have never, and probably will never, understand why my parents hate me so much. I never did anything to them.... At least, I don’t think I did. Either way, I am stuck here. This is just my life. At least now, for the first time in my life, I have something... Someone to look forward to seeing. Paul. The thought of him was enough to bring me back down to earth. I lifted my head from my knees and leaned it back to rest on the cabinet, under the sink, that I was sitting on the floor in front of. I tried to steady my breathing, taking long, deep breaths. Focusing on the fact that I needed to pull myself together so I didn’t look a complete mess when I meet up with Paul later tonight. I was sat on the bathroom floor for another half hour or so, before I felt composed enough to slowly pull myself to my feet. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror. I sighed at what I saw. I looked like a complete mess. And to make matters worse, I had a swollen, red mark that almost completely covered my left cheek. I really hope it goes down before I am supposed to meet Paul. I have no idea what I am going to say to him if it doesn’t. I filled up the sink with cold water and used that to clean my face and maybe try and make myself NOT look like I had just been hit and then bawled my eyes out.

It was about 7 pm now, and thankfully, I looked almost completely back to normal.. Save for a bit of lingering redness, but that can be covered up with a little bit of makeup. I'll be having to start my walk to the boardwalk soon. I've already gotten ready. I don’t really have to do that much besides get dressed, brush my hair and, when needed, put makeup in certain places to cover any evidence of my parents hatred towards me. I felt around the back of my head to check on how that was feeling. It wasn’t really that bad anymore. I mean when it happened, it felt like my dad almost knocked me out, but now it was only slightly tender. I should be grateful it didn't get any worse than it did. I tried to shake away those feelings and thoughts, and just focus on the night ahead. Ready, I walked over to my window and climbed through. Repeating the actions from last night. My heart always raced like crazy when I did this. Knowing that at any moment, one or both of my parents could catch me, and that... That punishment would put me out of commission for weeks. I didn't sneak out too often. Only when I really needed to get out for a few hours, but I was never gone for too long, knowing that if my parents walked into my room to find me missing, there would be hell to pay. But now.. Now I felt this unexplainable pull to leave. To spend as much time as I possibly could, with Paul. I didn't know what it was or why he could elicit such strong emotions from me, only having met him last night, but I didn't care. All I knew was that I wanted to see him. To be near him.

After my semi long walk, my feet were finally met with the boardwalk. I sighed with relief. Instantly feeling calmer, knowing that I was only moments away from another amazing night with Paul and the others. As I made my way through the crowd, occasionally bumping into people, I kept my eyes peeled for three blonde heads and one brunette. My search was put to a quick end when I felt someone suddenly grab me and pick me up from behind. My mind immediately going into panic mode and I started to desperately try to free myself. "Hey calm down sugar! It's only me" Paul assured me as he put me down, obviously getting the hint that I probably didn't like being snuck up on and grabbed like that. He honestly didn't mean any harm by it. He was just excited to see you and well, Paul's a very handsy guy. I let out a breath and turned to face him. "Sorry Paul. I just wasn't really expecting to be grabbed like that." I told him before pulling him into a hug. I wanted to let him know that, I too was glad to see him, and that I was fine. Paul instantly, but more gently this time, reciprocated my hug. "I didn't mean to scare you sugar pie. Just happy to see you is all." He said as he pulled away. I just shook my head and waved my hands in a dismissive gesture. "It's okay Paul. Really. I guess I just startle easily." I told him with a small laugh. He raised a brow at me and smirked. "Oh yeah?" He said in a tone that I could only guess meant he had something nefarious going on up in that head of his. "Don't even think about it Paul." I told him with a knowing look. He just broke out in a genuine, sweet smile and laughed. "Ahh! I'm only messing with ya babe." He reassured. Paul wrapped his arm around my shoulders and started to lead me to, I'm guessing, where the others were. I leaned into his side and wrapped my own arm around his waist. Enjoying the comfortable closeness and feeling of safety he provided. Paul looked down and just smiled to himself. He was ecstatic that you was warming up to him so quickly. He would have been pretty bummed out if his mate didn't like him all that much. So he just held onto you a little tighter.

Spam liking without reblogging = blocked

[montanababe7]

Wrote this two years ago: Thankful 🥲 to Jesus🙏🏼🙌🏼

But God. I don’t know any other way to start this post.

I had an encounter with Jesus that still just stops me in my tracks. I don’t expect anyone to read this with a dry eye, nor do I think you’ll be able to.

You see, I thought I was permanently & emotionally broken and that was just how things were. I didn’t know that Jesus could completely free me from my cptsd.

Let’s go back to 2008. I had joined an internship that left me emotionally scarred and broken for at least one decade.

Fast forward to 2022-The next moment…is what brings me to my knees I’m thankful to Jesus. Jesus asked me audibly if I wanted to be made whole. He asked me this at least three times…if not more🥺. My first time thought was, ‘yes, of course Jesus. But if you heal me of my cptsd; who will I be?’ He responded back immediately, ‘that’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you wanted to be made whole. It was a command. Not a question. Do you want to be made whole?’

I said, ‘yes, Jesus😭. I’m done being broken and angry on the inside all the time. I just want to stop hurting.’

Seconds later, but I’m sure it was instantaneously, I saw myself back at go ministries international-a part of where my cptsd was stemmed from. I was all alone in the woods….just done with everything. It was during the com m u n i s m game the core leaders had instigated. It was pouring outside. I had found a perfect rock. Jesus spoke to me again, ‘I sent someone right then to stop you from attempting to end your life. The timing could not have been more crucial than you’ll understand. The person I sent over; had no idea they were part of saving your life. I worked through them to rescue you.’

Jesus than showed me another scene. He asked me..’do you remember when you were so depressed and a su icidal when you were sneaking showers so no one would know what you were planning? I sent my guardian and ministering angels to you at that exact moment just as you had the r a z o r poised at your arm and they took those things out of your hands-saving your life. You had simply thought right than that you just changed your mind. Nope, there was a war going on for your destiny. Little did you know just how close you were to end ing your life right than.’ I, of course am bawling my eyes out at that point. I could feel years of pain, heaviness, and heartache melting away. It wasn’t a small trickle of emotions; it was a flood. I wept as I had never wept before.

Jesus spoke something else to my heart. He said to me, ‘My beloved daughter Jessica, you have spent years removing the spiritual grave clothes off of others; revealing a gorgeous gown or tuxedo for others. It’s beyond time that the spiritual grave clothes come off you too. It’s time for you to really live.’ In that moment, I started seeing chains ⛓ being broken in the realms of the spirit.

Jesus asked me another question. He said, ‘it’s time for you to stop hating your mom. She was parenting you out of her own brokenness. You must fully forgive her. The pain and hurt that you’ve held onto over the many years-has been destroying you. Let that pain go. Forgive her. Love her from a distance.’

I turn to mike and tell him, ‘I’m not hurting anymore. I don’t feel angry any more. Jesus just now healed my cptsd. Completely. The pain is gone.’

There’s a softness around my eyes that I haven’t seen in quite some time. Ok, it’s been years. I don’t need to keep walls up anymore. I can be free to feel and not shut down.

I’ve been weeping more than I ever have. But, in a good way. I no longer feel the need to hold back my tears or to prevent myself to cry. I’m finally my age at 35 and not as someone who’s ancient. I feel younger in a good way. Jesus has done this. He’s done all of it.

So when I say-but God. I mean every word of it.

Jesus saved me. It’s that simple. I am here

For a purpose. I’m still learning and discovering what it all means. But. Now, I am

Whole. Jesus can do there impossible in your life, too. I know this to be true…because he’s done it in mine🥺

Love you all,

Jessica.

[yeschefthankyouchef]

i’m so perplexed right now because i LOVED this chapter but i’m also going to HATE the consequences of this chapter sjsjsjsjsjsjsj. gonna have to revisit this domesticity when the storm that this is going to cause actually hits.

“Donna’s cry’s had been relegated to silent sobs just moments ago, you watched as Nat put her own hurt and discomfort aside to assuage Donna’s nerves”

oh god not the funeral…. i’m not brave enough for this - the show spared me but i should’ve known that you wouldn’t sksjsjsjs

“Eva’s small head rested against yours playing with the pearls around your neck, the small girl could only understand so much of what was going on around her.”

this is such a soft moment in such a dark time and i’m living for the contrast.

“It was sudden, unexpected, and messy and it wasn’t the death Michael deserved. But what made it all the worse for you is that he was utterly and terribly alone.”

jfc it’s not even 10 AM and i’m bawling on the couch - that must be a new record.

“you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to all the things you could’ve done to save Mikey from himself.”

the absolute most dangerous pipeline to follow but also inevitable for baby unfortunately

“The warm grasp of his hand gave you the strength to turn your back and walk away from a man whose love, charisma, and smile you would never be blessed to see or experience again.”

i feel so attacked rn - i think i need to be billing you for my therapy. this was everything i imagined i would feel from a funeral scene but also somehow so much more gut wrenching at the same time.

“The only difference had been the program he received in the mail a week ago.”

damn. he didn’t even go? this is so on brand for him yet i also get why he wouldn’t want to go? but also hes simply never there for the people around him when they need him the most.

“not thinking about the ways his actions would affect those around him, affect the people who loved him.”

the way these traits so often run in the family…. carmy you need to look in the mirror before you’re even more sad and alone than you already are

“Carmy removed his phone from his pocket, the generic lock screen shining up at him with the time reading 2:30 am.”

oh my god is it baby? it has to be baby

“Carmy’s head nodded rapidly, staying glued to his spot for a moment before he signaled for you to follow him”

he is so ‘why so many word when few word do trick’ coded

“The shower gel is the same brand you used all those years ago on Christmas”

i know this is a serious moment of contemplation for baby but this just made me laugh so. hard. THIS is so on brand - man finds a product he likes and never strays again. *edit - OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE LAVENDER TOO WHY AM I CACKLING

“The deja vu the last few sequences of events had given you hadn’t gone unnoticed.”

yeah it painfully didn’t go unnoticed - fuck youuuuuuuu(lovingly)

“to see you looking as though you belonged with him in his bland apartment the clothes comfortably sitting on your body providing him with a feeling of domesticity he was one day hoping to have with you.”

the way he can still have that domesticity if he just pulled his head out of his ass, smdh

“Yo, what the fuck Baby,”

listen when she cut her hand i was so excited because ✨oooooh he’s gonna bandage her up✨ and the absolute sass is making it 1000x better. their banter gives me life lol

“It was official that you were weak for this man, the demanding tone in his voice shooting straight through you.”

she just like me fr

“he was unnerved as well because he wasn’t sure if this was love or infatuation.”

he is so stupid it pains me, ITS BEEN YEARS MY BOY!!! he is such a self saboteur

“Carmy held you in his arms he decided that he would try to give you pieces of himself that no one had ever seen; even if it would all end in hours.”

the way he’s so capable of being what she deserves but puts an expiration date on it anyways - i want to slap him into next week

“Did you maybe wanna join me,”

omg it’s a date

“Listen, boy, you can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. And I know you betta not be lying to that pretty girl over there.”

going to draft willie into my war against carmy being a fucking numbnut

“I want you to put on that pretty little dress you were gushing about on the way home”“Can you do that for me?”

i need him to shut the fuck up because i’m about to go full whore

“Can I,” Carmy paused a laugh escaping his lips at the similarities between this moment and a past one you shared. “Can I kiss you?” 

AGHHHHHT THINGS ARE GETTING LUKEWARM!!!! it’s still so bittersweet tho bc i know he’s going to go back to being a grade a asshole once she leaves new york. for how many times he’s acted like he’s changed he’s really giving her trust issues

“Carmen,” you waited for him to lock eyes with you, a sad smile spread across your features, tears you could no longer hold back coming forth. “I know.” 

i can’t even blame baby because i know i would let this man emotionally destroy me a thousand times over

“Please…I want this…with you.” The words unsaid weighing heavily between you two.”

oh my god my brain is malfunctioning, i truly am in awe that this is your first time writing smut

“You would come to regret the consequences of this decision later”

SAY IT AINT SO….. oh god the way my stomach dropped…

“Your arm was thrown over your face the fact that the two of you were in this position at all still mind blowing”

SHUT UP THIS IS WHERE THE POLAROID SYD SAW CAME FROM?!!!!

“He could go one day without his signature chain that he had so lovingly placed around your delicate neck.”

miss ma’am you lied to me - things got more than lukewarm in this kitchen!!!! now they need to translate this energy into present day!!! god i’m breathing so heavy about this line alone.

interlude two | anyone who had a heart

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |

pairing: carmy x fem!reader | platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader | carmen berzatto x his delusions | carmen berzatto x self-sabotage | fem!reader x weakness for short slutty men with blue eyes | fem!reader x slutty gold chains | fem!reader x BEING FUCKING WEAK FOR SMARMY CARMY |

summary: the devastion of mikey's passing pushes baby into the arms of the man she loves the most.

warning(s): death | grief | funeral | refusal to grieve | denial | kinda delusional behavior | unhealthy coping mechanisms | angst | fluff | longing | mutual pining | idiots in love | love drunk carmy | probably ooc!carmy | wise willie | zero accuracy regarding new york | baby letting men pump and dump her | SMUT | P IN V | UNPROTECTED SEX | SOFT!DOM READER | VANILLA SEX | EMOTIONAL TENDER SEX |

wc: 17.3k

edited to the best of my abilities. if things don't make sense i apologize!

March 1, 2022

The rain rhythmically bounced off the umbrella in Richie’s hand. Both of you huddled under the slightly too-small object, the majority of your bodies dry, but each of you felt your fair share of rain land squarely on you. The child in front of you, dry as a desert, her small stature an advantage.

All that could be heard was nature's tears singing against the various umbrellas and the voice of the priest that seemed to just drone on and on.

Donna’s cry’s had been relegated to silent sobs just moments ago, you watched as Nat put her own hurt and discomfort aside to assuage Donna’s nerves.

You had all but ignored the empty seat situated next to Natalie, not wanting to believe the truth of the situation. As you stared at the coffin resting several feet in front of you, you couldn’t help but wonder what the cold lifeless body lying inside looked like. You knew there was only so much that could be done to make a body with a hole in its head presentable, and that a closed-casket funeral was for the best.

It was selfish, but you wanted one last look at Mikey. Did he look peaceful? Was he finally freed from the vices that had for so long controlled him? You so hoped that wherever he was, wherever his soul found its spiritual comforts he was at peace.

A tug on the sleeve of your coat drew your attention. Looking down your eyes met Eva's, the little girl insisted on standing with you, her small toddler hand securely wrapped in your adult one. It felt a little odd to be standing here like this, a buffer between a family that was no more, while also serving as the memory of one family’s missing piece.

She raised her arms in a signal to be picked up. Funerals were no place for children to be, but what good was lying to them about the realities of life? You gently lifted her into your arms sitting her on your hip comfortably. Eva’s small head rested against yours playing with the pearls around your neck, the small girl could only understand so much of what was going on around her.

You felt Tiff step closer to you, arm wrapping around your waist so she leaned into Eva’s back. The comfort of the small family surrounding you keeps you grounded to the moment in front of you, not allowing your mind to think of the pain Mikey must’ve been in, or the voicemail that had gone unchecked for the past week.

Funerals were a funny thing for you, the last one you attended was your mom’s. And it wasn’t a competition, but her death was easier. That’s the thing with terminal illness; death is inevitable. You would never be prepared for any death in your life, but it was a bit easier knowing your mom didn’t have a fighting chance. Her decision to leave this realm behind was harder, but knowing her passing was painless and of her own volition helped.

But Mikey’s death was different. It was sudden, unexpected, and messy and it wasn’t the death Michael deserved. But what made it all the worse for you is that he was utterly and terribly alone.

And it wasn’t like anyone wasn’t privy to his substance abuse, but none of you knew the depths to which it ate away at him, how it slowly killed him and he kept pushing on for the sake of others.

Maybe you should’ve asked him more about how he was doing when you interviewed him. Maybe you shouldn’t have sent him a portion of your article. Standing at the cemetery as the funeral continued, even with little Eva cuddling into you and Tiff and Richie surrounding you; you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to all the things you could’ve done to save Mikey from himself.

Eva was asleep against your chest as you made your way to the fresh grave, Tiff in front of you and Richie closely behind doing his best to cover your small group with the umbrella. The rain hadn’t let up as you raised your dirt-filled hand over the pristine casket, this didn’t feel right at all. You had yet to cry since Sugar called you days ago with the news, it felt as though you were numb to the truth. Maybe it was your mind's way of protecting you.

But as long as the casket remained closed, and you never got one last peek at the man who had taught you that you deserved more than what you settled for. You could pretend for just a little longer that none of this was real.

Releasing your grip on the dirt you watched as it splashed across the top of the casket mixing with the droplets of rain. You hesitated for a minute turning your back on this casket felt too final, like leaving this cemetery would be closing a door in your life you were desperate to keep open.

Richie’s free hand came up to your shoulder, a soft squeeze pressed into your jacket. You looked back at him the same hurt and pain you were feeling reflected on his face. He gave you a small nod as a way to let you know that it was okay to walk away, that he understood the hurt you were feeling.

As Tiff walked off to her car, you held Eva in one hand and allowed Richie to grip your other. The warm grasp of his hand gave you the strength to turn your back and walk away from a man whose love, charisma, and smile you would never be blessed to see or experience again.

March 12, 2022

Carmy sat on his lawn chair watching the rain splash against the window that led to his balcony, the funeral program rested lazily on his lap held in place by his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He didn’t realize it but this had been his routine since he learned of his brother's passing.

He would come home not even bothering to change out of his work clothes and plop down in the creaky lawn chair, usually on his balcony but recently the weather hadn’t been calm enough for that.

Light up a cigarette and just bask in his despair.

The only difference had been the program he received in the mail a week ago. The newly acquired folded paper joined his after-work routine for the day after being left on the island in his kitchen since receiving it. 

Carmy wasn’t sure if he was angry at Mikey for choosing death, or if he was more hurt by what they would never again be able to experience with each other. He felt like once again Mikey had left him behind, not thinking about the ways his actions would affect those around him, affect the people who loved him.

The decision to skip the funeral wasn’t as hard as most would have thought. What good would Carmy have to offer by being there, it's not like anyone needed him. And anyway, he couldn’t just drop everything happening here in New York for a day, life didn’t work that way for him. 

Carmy knew he didn’t hate Mikey, he just didn’t understand his choices recently. Didn’t necessarily understand how much the prescriptions had fucked with his mind. And maybe in a selfish way, he wasn’t ready to understand, to forgive Mikey for leaving him so soon. Nothing to even show for the loss of the person who inspired him most besides the funeral program as an ugly reminder of what he could never be again.

A soft knock rang through the quiet apartment, the man inside happy to ignore it, sure it was just one of his neighbors doing whatever weird shit they usually did. He removed a cigarette from his pack standing up and setting the program in the chair before grabbing his lighter and moving to open the window.

He heard it again, this time a bit louder and more urgent sounding. Carmy removed his phone from his pocket, the generic lock screen shining up at him with the time reading 2:30 am.

No one had ever shown up at his apartment this late, not even the woman across the way who periodically tried to charm Carmy all kinds of inconvenient times of the night. The knocking finally stopped as muffled voices carried through the hallway outside his door.

Carmy wouldn’t consider himself a nosy neighbor but he did find himself a bit curious who was knocking at his door at such an hour it alerted another tenant. Cigarette sitting between his lips he made his way to the door, ear leaned against it as he tried to catch bits and pieces of the conversation happening out there.

Having no such luck he resorted to checking the peephole to find his neighbor outside her door talking with a woman who appeared to be soaked to the bone. Carmy watched for a moment, he couldn’t place it but something about the unknown woman looked familiar to him. He continued watching his neighbor motioning for the woman to wait outside for a moment while she grabbed something from her apartment.

Carmy was ready to return to his initial smoke break but found himself stopping as the woman faced his door. Heart stopping as he took in features he would remember for a lifetime. He quickly moved to unlock his door, throwing it open only to surprise the ghost of a woman standing in his hallway.

You ceased your knocking as you heard a door opening behind you, turning to face a woman who appeared to be around the same age as you. From her appearance, it didn’t seem like you had woken her up so you were grateful for that fact.

“You’re making a mess in the hallway,” her eyes traveled over your form. Your figure sopping wet from the downpour you just escaped from.

A tired sigh left your lips, “Um, I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know the guy who lives here?” Your hand motioned to the door that was at your back that you had just been knocking on. 

“You a friend or something?” The skepticism in the woman’s voice irked you, it was a yes or no question there was no need for her to give you the third degree.

You nodded trying to keep your cool. You were tired, dripping wet, and you weren’t even sure if Carmy was home. “Yeah, something like that.”

She gave you another once over before shaking her head back and forth, “No I don’t, sorry.” She began to close her door before you called out to her one last time.

“Wait sorry, is there any way I could use your phone, mine is dead,” you presented your phone as evidence, you didn’t want to be in this woman’s presence any more than she wanted to put up with you, but you needed to at least call a cab.

The subtle roll of her eyes caused the grip on your phone to tighten, luckily though the woman gave you a gesture to wait there before returning to her apartment.

You let out a sigh of relief, head dropping as your thoughts raced. You had no idea what the hell was going through your mind when you booked the last-minute flight. Having found Carmen’s address written on a forgotten piece of paper lying in the kitchen of the Berzatto family home.

The excuse to Sugar was that you had to meet with a potential interviewee for an upcoming article and couldn’t reschedule. You had already been in Chicago for longer than you originally planned, so what was one impromptu plane ride to the east coast?

There was no sign that the woman you bothered was coming back anytime soon so you decided to cut your losses, you would find a pay phone or something to use. You turned around sending one last look at Carmy’s door, the feeling that this was all for nothing setting in.

You went to pick up your bag from the ground when the sounds of a door unlocking caught your attention, raising back up to your full height as you watched the door you were initially knocking on harshly swing open.

Separated by a threshold Carmen Berzatto stood in front of you clad in his disheveled chef whites looking just as exhausted as you felt. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry if this trip did end up paying off, but after five years without him, five years of hurting and hoping you could no longer hold back all the emotions the man evoked within you.

Your trembling lips raised into a pathetic smile as your eyes took all of him in, “Hi Carmy.”

The water dripped off of you as you awkwardly stood in the entryway to Carmy’s apartment. You watched him rush around to tidy up his apartment, he hadn’t said a word to you yet just opened his door wider with the expectation that you would enter.

“Carm,” your trembling voice doing nothing to stop the scrambling of the man in front of you.

“Carmen.” The name left your lips a little louder this time, finally gaining the man’s attention, his entire being turning in your direction but eyes never meeting yours. “Uh, could I maybe take a shower?”

Carmy’s head nodded rapidly, staying glued to his spot for a moment before he signaled for you to follow him. As you walked through the apartment to his bedroom you couldn’t help but take in just how Carmy-like the living space was.

Lacking personal touch and like he was ready to flee at a moment's notice; the only commitment the man could make was being a chef apparently.

You stopped in front of the bathroom looking around his room before finally focusing on him. “I, do you think I could borrow some clothes?”

Again Carmy nodded the man acting as though his voice box wasn’t working. You watched him move around his room wondering if he’d ever award you any form of attention or verbal acknowledgment. He stopped for a minute eyes finally finding yours, “Go ahead and get cleaned up, I’ll leave these on the bed.”

Your eyes found the contents in his hand before it was your turn to nod and head into the bathroom. You started the shower searching for a towel and washcloth as you waited for the water to heat up. This whole trip could very well be a mistake, but there was no going back now, you were here, and you had already used your miles. 

Slipping out of your wet clothes felt like a struggle, the heavy fabric clinging to you like a second skin. You quickly stepped into the shower, not wanting any of the water to go to waste. The steaming water helped to relax you, all your worries about your visit being set aside as you basked in the warmth radiating around you.

After standing under the shower head and allowing the water to caress your skin, you reached for the products Carmy had lined up in his shower. The shower gel is the same brand you used all those years ago on Christmas. Looking at the bottle in your hands you couldn’t help but think of all the ways in which Carmy wronged you, why you had allowed him to constantly hurt you, a fact you still couldn’t figure out.

And you couldn’t stand here in his shower glaring at a bottle the whole time you were here either. You took your time lathering your body allowing the calming aroma of lavender to invade your senses. Finishing you returned everything to its proper spot before rinsing your body and shutting the shower off.

Stepping out you wrapped the large fluffy towel around your body not chancing a glance at your reflection as you exited the bathroom. The door to the bedroom was closed and the clothes you saw in Carmy’s hands earlier sat in a neat pile on the bed. You perused the selection of a clean pair of boxer shorts, one of his many crew necks and a pair of socks were laid out for you.

The deja vu the last few sequences of events had given you hadn’t gone unnoticed. 

You would have to forgo a bra but you’d been in much more uncomfortable positions with Carmy than this. Dressing you made your way to the door, stopping for a moment to allow yourself a deep breath, you couldn’t be sure what you would be walking into. Along with the fact that you were in a city you had never been in and your return flight wasn’t for two more days, Carmy was your only option. 

The warmth in the apartment slapped you in the face as you left Carmy’s room, the heater had been turned on. You followed the trail you had first taken finding your way to the living room that doubled as a kitchen.

“Sit,” you were almost ready to argue with Carmy’s demanding tone, but the food situated on the island counter stopped you.

You made your way to the lone stool taking a seat, trying not to marvel at the food in front of you. Carmy’s water bill would be high for the month, you had apparently been in the shower long enough for a dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup to be made. Carmy still hard at work making something on the stovetop sans his chef jacket.

Eyeing the food in front of you, you couldn’t help the way your mouth watered. You greedily picked up a slice of the grilled cheese and dipped it into the hearty soup, The sigh of appreciation not going unnoticed by the chef a few feet away from you, a small smirk gracing his lips at the quiet sound you let out.

“Good?” The question caught you off guard, mouth still full, swallowing the bite in your mouth you set the rest of the sandwich down, eyes zeroing in on Carmy’s biceps that were put on full display by his form-fitting white shirt. 

“I’ve had better.” Carmy caught your shrug as he placed a steaming mug next to the rest of your food, doing his best not to outright smile at your stubborn attitude. He moved to lean his back against the sink, arms crossed over his chest as he studied you.

“Fuck Carmy,” the sigh left your lips reluctantly. “It’s actually fucking great.” So enthralled with the food set in front of you, you missed the pink blush that dusted across Carmy’s cheeks. The heat in the apartment almost felt like too much as the lewd words left your lips.

“Ahem, I uh, I’m gonna get cleaned up. Make yourself comfortable,” Carmy watched as you waved him off, the food you were eating stealing all of your attention.

Carmy watched you for a moment longer, still shocked that your physical presence was here in his apartment. He wasn’t sure what prompted this visit, or if he even deserved your attention after all the immature shit he had pulled. But he was thankful to see you doing well, to see you looking as though you belonged with him in his bland apartment the clothes comfortably sitting on your body providing him with a feeling of domesticity he was one day hoping to have with you.

The mug of hot chocolate in your hands helped to send warmth through your body. You were still sitting at the stool not sure what to do as Carmy freshened himself up. Now that you weren’t shivering cold and rushing through the apartment you could finally take in the less than cozy abode. 

It wasn’t much but you were sure it was enough for Carmy, taking a few sips of your drink you began ambling around the apartment, mug still gripped in your hands, a tether to reality. The living room wasn’t messy but more so what you would describe as Carmy’s version of organized clutter.

A small couch and television helped to offer a homey feeling. The out-of-place lawn chair caught your eye, and the corner of your lips quirked up at how fucking Carmy it was. You made your way to the window it was sitting in front of, the New York skyline at this time of the day still a sight to see. The rain gliding down the window felt like it matched the steady pace of your heartbeat.

Turning to the lawn chair the contents in the seat grabbed your attention. Leaning over you picked up the unassuming paper, a jolt of sadness rushing through you as you read over the program. The funeral a week ago is still stuck in the back of your mind, the closed sleek black casket haunting your eyelids every night.

You quickly replaced the program in its original spot. You had come here intending to confront Carmy about his absence, but the more you stood in his apartment, the more you realized you weren’t actually ready to hear Carmy’s truth.

48 hours was all you had here, if you decided to use it as an escape, so be it. You would have to return to the reality that Mikey was dead sooner than later. You were allowed to let yourself use the time spent here as an escape from reality. You could use your time here to reprimand Carmy for his life decisions, or you could use the borrowed time to relish in finally seeing him after five years and try to figure out the back and forth the two of you have been participating in for a majority of your lives.

Mikey would understand, he wanted you to be happy, so it was okay to pretend for a little while that he’d be waiting there in Chicago when you got back right?

You made your way back to the kitchenette needing a distraction from the very thoughts you were running away from. You finished off your hot cocoa before grabbing your remaining dishes and heading to the sink. Washing dishes was the first distraction you could think of. 

As you made your way to the sink the sound of a door opening and feet padding across the floor could be heard. Quickly turning on the faucet you reached for the dish rag sitting in the sink, a sharp gasp escaping your lips at the pain that shot through the base of your palm, the running water easily turning a translucent pink color.

Snatching your hand back you spotted the blade of a knife that was covered in drops of your blood and haphazardly hidden under the dish rag. Your good hand reached to move the dish rag and grab the offending object. 

Finally getting a good grip on the knife, you were shocked at the familiarity of it, the personal initials carved into the handle proving your theory. The last time you laid eyes on these they were neatly tucked away into a luxurious gift box that Carmy discarded just as easily as he discarded you the morning after Christmas. 

And you thought they had been left in the same spot all these years, collecting dust in his childhood bedroom. But as you held a knife from the set in your hand, and your eyes moved to the remaining set delicately placed on the counter not too far away, you realized that to be nowhere near the truth. 

“Yo, what the fuck Baby,” your attention turned to Carmy’s voice behind you his figure clad in a pair of sweats and a white tank top. That stupid fucking gold chain that you had dreamed of taking between your teeth one too many times glistened against the firmness of his chest.

The delicate grip on your injured hand tore your eyes from the sinful chain. Carmy’s eyes raised your hand to his face examining the seriousness of the wound, “What happened?” 

“Cut myself,” you raised the knife in your hand to show him, watching as his eye darted between you and the tool he took so much pride in owning.

“What the fuck did you do that for?” Carmen Berzatto’s attitude would never cease to surprise you.

You scoffed quickly snatching your hand from his grip, and walking to grab the dish towel hanging from his oven, “I didn’t do it on purpose you fucking idiot.” 

Carmy began rummaging around in his cabinets his search not continuing for too long before he made his way over to you, first aid kit in his grasp. You were honestly surprised he owned one sure he’d rather bask in his pain than take care of himself.

Your good hand shot out aiming to grab the first aid kit from his hands. The slight slap to your hand caused your mouth to drop open, who the hell did he think he was?

“Give me the kit Carmen.” You watched as his eyes met yours, the once blank expression on his face morphing into a frown. 

“Don’t say my name like that,” you rolled your eyes before reaching out once again, only to receive the same result. “Just let me help you. Why are you being so fucking stubborn!”

You raised your eyebrows not expecting Carmy to yell at you. Your hand reluctantly came up between the two of you so he could bandage it up. It was official that you were weak for this man, the demanding tone in his voice shooting straight through you. 

The two of you sat in silence as Carmy cleaned the cut, the consensus was that you didn’t need stitches so the ointment and bandages Carmy had would do. You watched as he worked, hands delicately mending your wound he was so focused on.

When he finished you lowered your hand watching as he cleaned up before you made your exit to the living room, sitting on one side of the couch. Your back was to the kitchen as Carmy finished tidying up, the only sign he followed you out was him walking around the couch in your peripheral.

He joined you on the couch choosing the safe option and sitting directly across from you, the space speaks volumes. You brought your legs up to your chest, if this was a month ago you probably would have let all your hurt and anger guide you in this moment. 

But as life taught you, the universe was eager to snatch away people you thought you had forever with. 

It was silent for a little longer, the both of you avoiding eye contact. You finally turned to face him wanting to understand the choices he made regarding the situation between you two.

“Carmy?” You rested your chin atop your knees as he finally provided you with his full attention, “Did I do something wrong?”

His eyebrows raised, whether, from shock or surprise, you couldn’t be sure. You watched as his eyes darted across the room like he was looking for an anchor. You weren’t too sure who adult Carmy was, because the boy you used to know easily held conversations with you, even the tough ones. 

“I just…I want to understand you, Carmy. And I want to know why I’m not good enough for you,” as soon as those words left your lips it was like you were looking at 18-year-old Carmy again. “I thou-we seemed to be in a good place after Christmas dinner, but then I woke up alone and…and it felt like we were back at square one like you ghosted me all over again.”

You were staring directly into Carmy’s eyes, it was hard but it needed to be done. You needed him to see, to understand how much his actions continued hurting you. 

His hand raised in a gesture you had seen too many times to count, fingers running through his hair. If he didn’t want to have this conversation you couldn’t force him to, but you also wouldn’t keep allowing him to run in and out of your life when it was convenient for him. The two of you were friends once, and you weren’t going to allow him to continue exploiting the love you had for him.

Your arms wrapped around your propped-up legs, a security blanket for the words you were about to force out. “You can be honest with me, Carmy. If you told me you wanted nothing to do with me I’d be on the next flight out of here.” You waited for anything, a sigh, words, but all you got was his steel blue eyes staring you down in the space across from you. 

A sardonic chuckle escaped your lips as you quickly wiped the tears racing down your cheeks. Head falling back to stare at the ceiling as a way to not allow Carmy to see your tears, before calming yourself down enough to meet his gaze head-on.

“I can’t be the only one that wants more for us Carmy.” You could see the light reflecting off the glazed film in his eyes. “And I don’t think I am. But you’re inconsistent with your feelings, and I know it’s wrong of me to spring this on you considering the circumstances…but I just need honesty Carmy, that’s all.”

You said your peace, but you weren’t sure what else you could say to try to make him understand and maybe that was the problem, maybe he didn’t want to understand. You leaned into the couch cushion for comfort. The distance stretching between you was nowhere near as hurtful as the silence.

The fatigue from your flight was beginning to set in, you rushed everything to make it here that you hadn’t realized how much of a toll it took on you. 

Carmy watched you from his side of the couch, arms crossed against his chest. There was so much he wanted to say to you but didn’t know how. He knew you deserved the truth, but it had never before been asked of him in this context. He was scared of the fact that he wanted more with you; it  frightened him.

The idea he had of the two of you in his head was intoxicating and unnerving all at once. He could admit to himself that he dreamed of a life with you, and found himself lost in thought too many times to count about what it would be like to come home after a long shift to you there waiting for him.

Carmen was intoxicated by the idea of spending the rest of his life with you, a continuous beacon in your life that surpassed the title of friend and edged into something more. But he was unnerved as well because he wasn’t sure if this was love or infatuation.

Loving you unnerved Carmy, firstly because he wasn’t sure how he would know he was in love with you or not. And secondly, he didn’t know how to love you and wasn’t sure if he was capable of it. If there was one thing Carmy knew it was that you were deserving of a life-altering love, a love that transcended lifetimes if possible.

But he was almost positive he couldn’t be that person for you, he wasn’t deserving of you.

“I uh, I tried calling you,” Carmy stopped to collect himself, he wanted to talk to you, to let you understand him like you once did. “You changed your number. And that’s not an excuse. I understood why. I just…I guess I took it as a sign that there was nothing left for us.”

His eyes met yours searching for any sort of reaction, any form of acknowledgment. Your puffy eyes and tear-stained face stared back at him, his heart clenching in his chest at the emotional distress he constantly put you through.

“I um,” a placating smile raised to Carmy’s lips as he fumbled with his fingers as a distraction. “I can’t-Baby I-we both know I can’t give you what you deserve.” Carmy did his best to play off the watery undertone in his voice, eyes quickly darting up to yours as he heard your sniffles.

Carmy watched as your head rapidly nodded up and down, a sad knowing smile stretching across your lips. The tightness in his chest increased tenfold, his hand coming up to press into the middle of his chest, hoping to alleviate the pain. 

“I um, I think I would like to go to sleep if that’s okay?” You raised your head to look at Carmy, you told him you would accept his rejection, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to hurt. 

Carmy nodded getting up and walking towards you, holding his hand out to help you up. You allowed him to grasp your soft hand in his firm calloused one, head down as he led you to his bedroom. He motioned for you to sit down on his bed as he escaped into the bathroom, coming back a moment later with tissues in his hand.

You avoided his eyes as he bent down on his knees in front of you, gently using the collected tissue to dab at your puffy face. You couldn’t help the sorrowful laugh that escaped your lips, the scene reminded you of when the two of you were growing up and Carmy would always help clean your face after a good cry.

A tight smile formed on his lips as his eyes met yours, the two of you probably thinking of the same memories. He finished drying your face before returning to the bathroom to throw away the tissues. Carmy helped you up from the bed to pull down his comforter before allowing you to get in.

He watched as you scooted over to make room for him awaiting his entrance, “Uh lemme just tidy up out there.” Both of you knew it was an excuse but neither were brave enough to admit it. 

Carmy quickly left the room heading straight for the small duffle you had brought with you. He was sure the rain had soaked through your bag and wet your belongings. Making his way to the closet where his washer and dryer were located he easily fit your clothes into the wash, not wanting you to be stuck in his clothes for however long you were there.

He found your laptop bag in there as well, quickly removing it from its confines and drying it with a clean kitchen towel. Placing the laptop on his counter he made his way around the kitchenette to clean up the mess your blood made and finish off the dishes you hadn’t been able to wash. All of this was a distraction to the warm body he knew was waiting up for him in bed, he felt the urge to prolong the inevitable but realized he might never get this chance again.

Carmy quickly finished his clean of the front room, it wasn’t up to his usual standards but he could no longer deny himself the thing he wanted most in that moment; to wrap you up in his arms and hope he’d never have to let go.

Making sure all appliances were off and starting the washer, he quickly made his way back into his bedroom, closing the door as quietly as he could. He stood in the middle of the room for a minute, the figure peacefully lying in his bed not something he was used to. Carmy quietly crept over to the empty side of the bed lifting the covers and allowing himself to slide in.

Carmy knew you weren’t asleep and any other time he might’ve felt embarrassed to be so eager to be near you, but something about being in your presence felt right. Carmy made sure to scoot close to you, arm moving to wrap around your midsection and bring you closer to him, the need to feel your body pressed against his barely being satisfied.

His face found its way to the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath, the lavender scent he loved so much dancing across his senses. The sigh you let out into the night was a sign that you both wanted this just as much.

Carmy moved his head up a few inches, lips brushing against the ‘B’ hidden behind your ear. There wasn’t a day he didn’t think about the hidden ink stain or the words you said to him when he first found it.

Pressing one more soft kiss against the inkblot Carmy felt as you relaxed into him. Your warm body in his arms once more provided a feeling of bliss he wasn’t aware he needed.

You both knew the position you were in and the soft caress of Carmy’s lips against your skin, was a direct contradiction of the claims he made earlier. But neither of you would be the voice of reason in these 48 hours you had together.

Whatever happened between the two of you during this time would be welcomed with open arms. You and Carmy were on borrowed time, there would be time for regrets later, but as Carmy held you in his arms he decided that he would try to give you pieces of himself that no one had ever seen; even if it would all end in hours. 

“Sweet dreams Baby.” 

Carmy looked most at peace while sleeping, the stress and exhaustion seemed to have melted off of him as his mind transported him to the land of dreams.

You had been awake for some time now, Carmy’s presence helpful enough to allow you a few peaceful hours of sleep. But the inevitable thoughts of a life lost would always haunt you through the night. So here you were watching the slight rise and fall of Carmy’s chest, his lips parted slightly. He looked adorable like this but you felt a little weird just watching someone sleep. 

Your hand raised gently moving the waves out of Carmy’s face, leaning in slightly to press a delicate kiss on his forehead before quietly making your way out of the bed. It was a little tricky to open the door without waking Carmy but you had managed.

Leaving the hallway that led to Carmy’s room you entered the living room, searching for the duffle you brought with you. Only to find it open on the floor, your toiletry bag the only item that remained in the bottom of the bag. Confusion swept across your face as you tried to figure out where the rest of your belongings were.

Looking around the living area you spotted your laptop resting on the counter, your laptop bag sitting on a towel next to it. You would figure things out later. The first thing you wanted to do right now was to brush your teeth.

You quickly tip-toed back into Carmy’s room and the bathroom quietly shutting the door behind you and beginning your morning routine. Now refreshed you exited the bathroom, a small smile gracing your lips as you took in Carmy’s still-sleeping figure. 

Perusing the fridge and pantry you found a lack of any edible food. The few things available allowed you to whip up some French toast. You were no chef and maybe you should’ve left the cooking to Carmy but you were hoping this could be an olive branch for the two of you. If Carmy didn’t want to be with you romantically, maybe the two of you could work on mending your friendship.

Carmy woke up to an empty bed, his first thoughts that you had escaped in the night, his heart clenching a bit at the thought. He couldn’t be mad he pulled the same stunt on you, turning to lay on his back he stared at his ceiling, mind racing as he thought about the conversation from yesterday. 

Carmy knew he wanted to be happy, and he also knew he wanted that with you. He just didn’t know the first thing about romantic love or how to explicitly make his wants clear to you. It seemed as though he’d never get that chance, you were serious about catching the next flight out. 

Sitting up in bed he looked around, trying to gain his bearings. The sound of his bedroom door opening jolted him from his thoughts. He watched as you walked in with two plates in your hands, the smell of French toast invading his senses. His eyes found yours as you stopped in the doorway a small shy smile sent in his direction.

“I made us breakfast,” Carmy watched you make your way towards him, taking a plate off your hands as you sat on the bed in front of him. “I hope you don’t mind French toast, you uh didn’t have much to work with.” 

Carmy’s eyes subtly lit up at the fact that you were still there, that you hadn’t left. “No, yeah this is great, you uh, used cinnamon and everything.” The shy teasing smile on Carmy’s face caused a small chuckle to bubble out of you.

The two of you ate in silence for the most part, each of you stealing glances at one another while the other wasn’t paying attention. Shy smiles sent each other’s way when one of you would catch the other’s eye. 

You watched as Carmy took the plate from your hands and made his way to the door, you sat there for a moment watching him walk away before getting up and following behind him. You silently took a seat on the stool at the counter watching as Carmy began cleaning the remaining breakfast dishes.

The stretch of his back muscles under the tank top he was wearing was a sight to see. It surprised you a bit how toned Carmy was considering he lived and breathed being a chef, you didn’t expect him to have free time to worry about his physique. 

You waited as Carmy finished sending him a small smile as he finally faced you. He made his way to you, the two of you separated by the counter, his forearms resting on the counter accentuated his toned biceps.

“I actually need to go to the farmer’s market today,” you waited to see if there was anything more he had to say but the silence drew on.

“Oh, I can stay here, I have work to finish.” You gestured your hand to the laptop not far from the two of you, trying not to let your disappointment show.

“Did you maybe wanna join me,” Carmy waited for your response, eyes darting around your face hoping you would say yes.

“Do you…want me to join you?” You could laugh, the two of you sitting here beating around the bush like two teenagers. 

You waited as you took in Carmy’s shy demeanor, the blush rising from his neck, you were tempted to point it out but didn’t want him to close himself off like you were used to. 

“I want you to come with me to the farmers market.” Carmy made sure to look you in the eyes as the words left his mouth, sure that he was red in the face but wanting you to know how much he wanted to spend time with you. 

The two of you stared at each other for a while, the toothy grin on your face mirroring the his smaller one. The small nod of your head was everything Carmy needed to see for his heartbeat to calm down. He watched as you giddily got up from your seat presumably to get ready.

“Oh um did you do something with my clothes?” The smile didn’t seem to be leaving your face anytime soon.

Carmy cleared his throat hand raising to scratch the back of his neck, “Yeah I, uh I washed them, they’re in my closet.” 

You couldn’t deny that those words made your heart pick up speed a bit, the idea of feeling giddy that your clothes were in Carmy’s closet was a bit childish, but you would take what you could get at this point. 

“Oh, okay I’ll just go get ready then.” Your hand gestured to the room behind you.

“Yeah,” Carmy couldn’t help but marvel at the idea of you getting ready in his apartment, it was almost like he could pretend this was his reality.

“Yeah,” you didn’t know why you were acting like a love-struck teenager but Carmy just brought it out of you.

“Okay,” Carmy nodded his head signaling you to take your leave.

“Oka-.”

“Baby just go get fucking ready.” A huff of laughter escaped Carmy at the way you were acting.

Carmy stood by the counter watching as you ran off to prepare yourself for the day. He couldn’t stop the smile from gracing his lips as he listened to your melodic laughter sing through the emptiness of his apartment.

You had split from Carmy a few booths back, the two of you deciding it was for the best. Your constant wandering off to booths that intrigued you put Carmy in a panic when he would look to see you no longer at his side. 

It was your first time in New York and you were just happy to take in this small portion of what the city had to offer. The farmer’s market here was similar to the ones you’d been to back home, though the weather would take some getting used to, not like you needed to. You’d be back in Chicago before you knew it. 

You found a small flea market-type area towards the back of the farmers market. Vendors gathered around selling handmade items and keepsakes. A few minutes into your perusal of the area you found a vendor selling handmade clothing items. A pretty cami dress caught your eye that the vendor exclaimed you just had to have, and who were you to turn down a beautiful dress selling for a decent price in the streets of New York.

With the dress nicely tucked away into a paper bag gently swinging from your arm, you decided it was time to make your way back to the entrance of the farmers market and wait for Carmy. On your journey back you stopped at a vendor selling handmade leather goods, a particular leather wallet drawing your attention.

The familiarity of it caused you to let loose a shuddering breath, the small item reminded you of Mikey’s wallet. Although his was more used, worn in. Standing on this street and looking down at the pristine wallet in front of you was almost like looking at a replica.

You remembered asking him once why he chose to use the ratty old thing and the smart-ass response he had given you. The fact that an inanimate object that had no ties to Mikey was causing this sort of reaction inside you, felt too real, it felt like grief was prepared to sink its claws into you. 

And you couldn’t allow it, because you were in New York finally on somewhat good terms with Carmy. And Mikey would be waiting for your return to Chicago, eager to hear about your time with his little brother. 

“Would you like to buy it, miss?” Your eyes found the vendors, a forced smile tracing your lips.

You slowly shook your head feeling a little bad for turning down goods from a small business, you just didn’t need the wallet, especially not one that would remind you of him every day.

The walk back to the farmers market felt melancholy: the promise to yourself to compartmentalize Mikey and his situation was becoming harder the more time you spent alone. Your search for Carmy became more urgent the longer you couldn’t find him. The racing images of Mikey’s casket swirling with your recent moments spent in Carmy’s presence. 

You didn’t want to burden Carmy with the debilitating thoughts you were having, not wanting to ruin the good thing the two of you had going. Neither of you brought up the elephant in the room and it seemed like neither of you was going to. The both of you content to live in momentary bliss for the time you had together. 

It felt like you were spiraling and all because of some stupid too similar fucking wallet. You finally made your way to the entrance of the market hoping Carmy would know to look for you there.

Carmy gathered the ingredients necessary for the dinner he planned for tonight, luckily for him the restaurant was closed on Sundays so he could spend the day with you. 

He still wasn’t sure that any of this was real. You showing up outside his apartment at two in the morning, holding you as you slept, and now adventuring out to the market he frequented, it all felt like a dream.

There was one last stop Carmy needed to make before he met up with you. He made his way to the old flower vendor who was always the first one here to ensure he set up a show at the entrance. Carmy had his fair share of conversations with the man but had never actually bought any flowers off of him, but today was the day that changed. 

“Carmen is that you?” Carmy raised his head from the flowers he was glancing at, the old man sitting on the stool smiling his way.

“Yes sir. How you doing today Willie?” Carmy wasn’t much into friends or acquaintances since the two of you parted ways all those years ago, but Willie was a special case. Always kind, on Carmy’s first visit to this particular market the older man had explained to him the layout and gave him insider information about what times were best to come to ensure he got the freshest ingredients from each vendor. 

“You thinking about buying something today son?” The older man rose from his seated position plopping the paper he was reading in his place.

Carmy nodded eyes going back to the various flowers to choose from. This wasn’t Carmy, he had never done something like this, not willingly at least. But he knew flowers could symbolize different things, and have different meanings. And if he couldn’t figure out how to be straightforward and speak with you, maybe a hand-picked bouquet could solve that issue. 

“Looking for anything in particular?” He glanced at Willie, a slight frown marring his face, he genuinely had no idea.

Carmy chuckled, hand raising to scratch the nape of his neck, “I’m not sure Willie.” He felt a little embarrassed. How was he to translate his feelings to you through horticulture if he knew nothing about flowers and their meanings.

“Well help me out boy, tell me who they’re for an maybe I can whip something up for you.” It was like perfect timing as Carmy heard your voice trickling into his ears. You were standing on the other side of the entrance phone to your ear as you spoke to somebody, a look of exhaustion on your features.

Carmy’s eyes caught yours as you glanced in his direction, he watched that beautiful smile appear as you quickly ended the call with whoever you were talking to, smile mirroring yours as you two stared at each other across the distance. Your hand raised in a shy wave smile growing wider as Carmy reciprocated the gesture. 

“Now Carmen, why didn’t you tell me these were for your old lady,” Carmy’s head shot around to find Willie smirking at him from his side of the booth. “Is that the young lady in that picture you keep in your wallet?” 

Carmy watched frozen, as Willie moved around his booth, trying his best to figure out when the older man had ever caught a glance at the picture of you two. “Uh, she’s just a friend sir.” 

“Listen, boy, you can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. And I know you betta not be lying to that pretty girl over there.” The flowers in Willie’s hand were used to point in your direction. 

“I saw the way she looked at you just now son, that girl is in love,” Carmy listened as Willie began constructing the bouquet, ears tuned to what the man was saying. 

“I’ll give it to you straight boy, you’re gonna regret every chance you didn’t take with that young lady. Now I don’t know the situation between you two, but what I do know is that you look at that girl like she invented oxygen, I know because that’s how I looked at my Debbie.” Carmy was raptly intrigued with Willie’s words, watching the sad smile take over his lips as he mentioned his recently deceased wife.

“And from our interactions you don’t seem to me like the type to let rare opportunities pass you by,” the bouquet seemed to be pretty much finished, the older man just putting the final touches. “Now you give that pretty young lady this here bouquet, you make her a nice dinner like I’m sure you planned. And you let her know how much you appreciate her.” 

Carmy nodded his head rapidly trying to take in everything the older man said. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched Willie wave you over to them.

“Excuse me miss? Why don’t you come on over here and join us.” Carmy could feel the panic rising within him.

“N- Willie No don-.”

“Hush up boy and introduce me to your lovely girl.” You stopped next to Carmy eyes widening as you took in the unknown man's words. 

You looked at Carmy as he brought his hand up to swipe across his mouth, a tight-lipped smile lining his lips afterwards.

“Hi sweetie I’m Willie Carmen’s only friend in this city,” you laughed as the man winked at you before holding his hand out listening as you introduced yourself. 

“It’s nice to meet you Willie, you have some beautiful flowers, do you harvest them yourself?” The man in front of you waved off the compliment with a serene smile on his face.

“My wife and I started selling at this market 20 years ago. This is my first year without her.” The smile on your lips faltered as you offered your condolences.

“Now I don’t wanna keep you too long, but this bouquet here is for you to miss.” You looked at Carmy before your eyes found Willie’s again, your cheeks warming at what the man was insinuating. 

“Oh um, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?” Your wallet was out and ready in your hand, Carmy’s hand shooting out to stop you as he thrust money forward. 

“Y’all put that money away now,” Willie shook his head scoffing at the idea of either of you paying.

He held out the bouquet in your direction, the smile lining his face urged you to take it. You couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful bouquet, the colorful assortment helping to ease the foreboding feeling you had earlier. 

“Our friend Carmen here chose each of those flowers,” you looked in Carmy’s direction, the blush on his face so endearing to you. “I went on ahead and tucked a card in there with their meanings. You two make a fine pair, don’t let life get in the way of the love you share, you hear me?”

You nodded avoiding Carmy’s eyes like your life depended on it, easily listening to the wisdom Willie was bestowing upon the two of you. 

“The world is kind but she is also cruel. She will take away the things we love even if we’re not ready to part with them. Love each other loudly and with no regrets, it's always good to see young love prosper.”  The sad look in Willie’s eyes pulled at your heartstrings, you stood there wondering if he had any regrets. 

The clearing of Carmy’s throat finally drew your attention from the wise older man in front of you. “Thank you Willie really, but we should be heading home.” 

Willie nodded a pleasant smile on his lips, “Damn right! The two of you holdin up my business.” The older man shooed the two of you off a chuckle followed his gesture. 

“It was nice meeting you Willie, thank you again for the beautiful bouquet.” You sent him one last wave before you and Carmy moved away from the booth.

“It’s a gorgeous bouquet Carmy,” you glanced over the flowers before your eyes locked with Carmy’s, a loving smile splitting your face. 

Carmy smiled, unconsciously reaching out to move a stray piece of hair from your eyes, hurriedly dropping his hand and clearing his throat. “Let’s get them home and into some water yeah?” Carmy’s eyes darted around doing his best not to stare at you for too long.

You looked down trying to hide your smile, the word ‘home’ filled you with warmth. Your hand reached out to intertwine his with your own, avoiding Carmy’s eyes as they finally focused on you, “Lead the way.”

The gentle squeeze of your hand in Carmy’s made you smile, the two of you making your way back to his apartment. Neither of you mentioned holding hands as you journeyed home, just like neither of you said anything as you melted into his safe embrace on the subway ride.

The two of you entered the small apartment, your laughs filtering through the hallway and into the entranceway. A run-in with Carmy’s neighbor across the hall was responsible for the now-dying laughter between the two of you.

“Is she always like that?” You stopped allowing Carmy to help you out of your jacket before he hung it up. You turned to him, taking the bags out of his hand as you made your way to the kitchen. Setting them on the counter before searching for something to hold your flowers. 

Carmy followed behind you after removing his own coat, hands falling to your waist as he moved around you to unload the few groceries he had gotten for tonight. “She uh, airdropped me a nude once, so right now was pretty tame I guess.” 

Your headshot to Carmy’s everything in you holding back the laugh that was desperately trying to escape. “Poor girl. Did you send one back?” You nudged your elbow into his watching as the blush on his cheeks deepened.

He maneuvered around you trying to ignore your teasing, “God no, we uh went out for drinks once, it was cool.” 

The crumbs he was giving you surprised you, “And nothing like came out of that?”

“I dunno was something supposed to?” Carmy made sure not to give you direct attention, mortified that he was even having this conversation with you in his kitchen.

“Well did you want it to?” You didn’t know why you had latched onto this topic of conversation so hard, it reminded you of the times Carmy would ramble to you about Claire. And if you were just spending the weekend with a friend wasn’t this the type of conversation you should be engaging in? 

Carmy turned to you as you finally found a glass big enough to support the bouquet, he watched as you filled the glass with water before trimming the stems. “Not with her, no.”

You looked up to see Carmy finally looking at you with a serious expression painting his flushed face. You couldn’t help it as your eyes dropped to his lips, clocking the subtle peak of his tongue poking out as he wet his lips. 

Carmy made his way towards you, Willie's words from earlier bouncing around in his head. He pulled the flower from your hand and placed it in the large glass he wasn’t even aware he had. He cleared his throat hoping he had enough confidence to get these words out.

“I’m gonna start on dinner, and you’re gonna go get ready,” his hand came up to hold the left side of your jaw, finger finding the spot behind your ear he always took special care to remember. “I want you to put on that pretty little dress you were gushing about on the way home.” Carmy stopped watching as you nodded your head showing that you were paying attention.

“Can you do that for me?” His eyes traced your face looking for any signs that you were uncomfortable.

Your lidded eyes lazily blinked up at him a quiet ‘yes’ escaped through your parted lips. A small smile rested on Carmy’s lips as he leaned in to plant a delicate kiss on your forehead, lips lingering for a moment too long.

He reluctantly removed himself from you waiting for you to scurry off. Surprised when you took a step closer to him and leaned in, a gentle press of your lips connecting to the corner of his. Carmy watched as you pulled away and smiled at him before taking your leave.

Carmy stood in his kitchen for a minute, heart racing as he realized what he had just done. The only place Carmy had ever been in control was in the kitchen, so maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to take control in that moment, well that and Willie’s lecture.

He was sure it would never happen again as he began preparing the ingredients for the lasagna he planned to make for the two of you. 

You and Carmy had switched places a few minutes ago after he walked in on you wrapped in a towel and profusely apologized  for almost a whole minute. You easily slipped into your dress while Carmy was in the shower. 

As you walked into the living room you could smell the delicious aroma of the cuisine Carmy prepared for the two of you. You were glad to be out of Carmy’s presence for the time being, your brain doing its best to process the moment the two of you had shared in the kitchen. 

The cold shower you took did nothing to calm down the feelings swirling around inside you. You had never seen Carmy so in control of anything in his life, the demanding tone he used with you earlier almost had you making a fool of yourself right there in his kitchen. 

A constant beep coming from the oven drew your attention, you quickly made your way to the kitchen grabbing a towel to remove the hot dish from its place resting in the oven. You couldn’t help but marvel at the pretty lasagna in your hands. It was a bit weird to describe food as pretty, but the presentation was generally pleasing to the eyes.

You walked to the countertop to set the dish down, turning to search through the kitchen for plates and utensils. Having a slightly hard time as you had no idea where anything was located at.

“Baby?” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, not having heard him make his approach. 

You turned in his direction, a light laugh leaving your lips. It was a bit comical, the two of you dressed nicely, feet bare in his New York apartment. You took in his appearance biting your lip as you spotted his chain that encouraged you to do sinful things. He was dressed in probably the only slacks he owned, the ankles cuffed since he wasn’t wearing shoes. The deep green crew neck hugging his body was similar in color to the dress you were wearing, the unexpected matching caused another laugh to leave your lips. 

The box in his hand finally caught your attention, it appeared to be a present of some sort. You pointed at it with the random spoon you had picked up while searching for cutlery. 

“What’s that?” You furrowed your brows as you watched Carmy revert to his usual shy self. 

He held the gift out to you, “Go ahead, open it.” Your hand brushed his as you took the box from his hold feeling a bit giddy at the unsolicited gift.

Carmy held his breath as he watched you open a five-year-old gift in his kitchen. You looked beautiful and he wanted to tell you but couldn’t seem to force the words out too enthralled with the intimate atmosphere that had been surrounding the two of you since earlier in the kitchen. 

Carmy was a fool for leaving you the morning after Christmas and knowing that he let Mikey down when it came to you haunted him. He was glad to have these days with you, it wasn’t healthy but the two of you were providing a distraction for each other. 

“Carmy oh my goodness,” the gasp of your breath brought Carmy back to reality. His cheeks warmed at seeing you so happy. “How much did this even cost you, these things are like relics.” Your eyes flashed to the smile on your face seeming to brighten up the kitchen.

“It doesn’t matter, I bought this for Christmas and just…I never sent it.” He was prepared for you to scold him for his stupidity, tell him you didn’t care for the gift, and that you couldn’t play pretend with him anymore. 

The press of your warm body against his surprised him, quickly wrapping his arms around your waist. Holding onto you so tightly scared that if he let you go then you would disappear and he’d realize this weekend was just a dream.

“I love it Carmy really, thank you.” Your arms were still wrapped around his neck as the two of you gazed into each other's eyes. 

“Can I,” Carmy paused a laugh escaping his lips at the similarities between this moment and a past one you shared. “Can I kiss you?” 

You wasted no time before you leaned forward pressing a sweet kiss into his lips lingering for a moment to translate the love you felt for him. Carmy’s hand moved up to your jaw, keeping you locked in place against him, his tongue slipping out to caress your bottom lip.

You slowly opened your mouth allowing him in, the softness of his tongue exploring the warmth of your mouth. The kiss was slow, sensual, all the pent-up emotions being shared between the two of you. 

The rhythm Carmy set was easy for you to follow along with, you took the chance to suck on his tongue a bit, losing yourself in the feelings this one kiss was bringing forth.

You parted from Carmy reluctantly, a small smile raised to your lips as you watched him chase you for more. A soft moan escaped you as he began decorating kisses down your jaw and to your neck, tilting your head back to allow him better access, surprise painting your features as he raised you to sit on his counter. 

Carmy continued to study you with his lips, tracing down your pulse point and across your collarbone. It would never be enough for him, he would never be able to satisfy his hunger for you no matter how much of your skin his lips could paint. 

The soft whimpers snatched from your lips going straight to his groin, his hips unconsciously canting against your leg that was in perfect alignment. 

“Touch me Carmy…please,” Carmy swore he could cum from the sound of your begging alone.

But he stopped his ministrations, the realization that he had no idea what he was doing hitting him like a ton of bricks. 

You watched as Carmy pulled away from you chest rapidly puffing up and down as the confusion swept across your face. “Carmy?” Your voice trailed off you couldn’t help the hurt you were feeling, here you were sitting atop Carmy’s kitchen counter dress hiked up to your waist the lacy underwear you had chosen to wear in full view, the straps of your dress pulled down precariously low that the top of your areolas was peeking out. 

You quickly adjusted the top of your dress before hopping off the counter and pulling down the hem. Eyes filling with tears as you were brought back to prom night, memories re-playing all the hurt that came after it. 

Carmy’s head shot up from its place in his hands the tears in your waterline and the way you had shrunken into yourself making him feel like a complete fucking asshole.

“Shit no Baby…I-Fuck!” Carmy watched as you jolted a little at the shout of his voice, he was fucking this up more than it already was.

“Hey, hey,” he closed the distance between the two of you, raising his hands to your jaw and forcing you to look at him. “Baby, I-I’m sorry it's just…I don’t,” Carmy took a deep breath trying to gain his bearings. “I’ve never done this stuff before.” 

Carmy’s eyes followed the emotions crossing your face, a frown painting your face before your eyes widened and your lips parted in the shape of an ‘o’. 

“Carmy…have you never been intimate with anyone before?” Carmy knew your question wasn’t teasing or malicious but he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed at having to admit this to you. 

“I uh, you were my first kiss…and my second kiss just now,” Carmy hung his head in shame, blush rising from his neck to stain his cheeks. 

“Oh my goodness I’m such an asshole,” Carmy looked up at you a chuckle escaping him at your declaration. Your hand reached out to rest against his cheek thumb caressing back and forth. “Carmy I thought you were rejecting me.” Now it was your turn to feel shameful, your first thoughts being selfish ones as opposed to waiting to hear Carmy’s explanation. 

Carmy’s hand came up to grip yours on his cheek, head turning to place a soft kiss on your pulse point. “Let’s sit and eat, yeah?” Carmy waited for your response, smiling at you as you nodded. “I wanna spend as much time together as we can.” 

You pulled him into a sweet kiss, his hands squeezing your waist at the feeling of being able to freely kiss you “I’d like that.” You pulled away the two of you sharing bright smiles as you moved to have the dinner Carmy had so lovingly planned out.

Neither of you pointed out the fact that things would be coming to an end for you two tomorrow, but you’d bask in this loving atmosphere for all the remaining time you two had together. 

You could feel soft lips pressing into the space behind your left ear, your first instinct was worry. Confused by the warm body pressed into you from behind strong arms gripping your waist as though you would disappear at a moment's notice. The memories of the last day with Carmy led you to relax.

A quiet sniffle finally woke you up enough, your eyes opening to the dimly lit room. A familiar head of hair tucked snuggly into your neck, and slight huffs of breaths could be heard.

“Carmy?” The raspiness of your morning voice echoed around the room, you could hear the breathing quiet down a bit, concern spiking in you. 

You began turning wanting to comfort the man you had been in love with for most of your life, it was a struggle as the arms around you tightened but you finally turned to your side Carmy burying his face in your t-shirt-clad chest.

“Carmy, honey,” the lack of response was beginning to worry you, you had shared your fair share of cries with Carmy throughout your friendship but considering the circumstances that brought you together this time around, you couldn’t help but freak out a bit. “Hey, hey look at me yeah?”

“I-I just need a minute please.” The crack of Carmy’s voice went straight to your heart. He maneuvered so the top of his body was laying on your chest and stomach, his lower body settling gently between your legs. 

You leaned forward pressing a lingering kiss to his head before lying back down and slowly stroking your fingers through his hair, wanting to make him as comfortable in this moment as you could. You were content to hold him all day if that’s what he needed.

The two of you laid like that for a while, Carmy’s breathing and sniffling calming down after a few minutes. You watched as Carmy propped himself up on his elbows, pressing a small kiss into the fabric of your shirt over your stomach, a small smile rising to your lips as you watched him.

“Talk to me, Carm?” You watched as he looked up to you, pretty blue eyes swollen from the tears he’d been shedding. 

Carmy moved up a little resting his cheek against your sternum arms wrapped tightly around you, “Uhh, Sug called, said Mikey left something for me.” 

It was quiet as you let his words sink in, a shuddering sigh leaving you as your hands unconsciously began running back through Carmy’s hair. 

You felt Carmy’s hand slip under the shirt of his you were borrowing, fingers gliding across the skin of your stomach lazily tracing circles. The small gesture helped to relax you a bit.

“Did she say anything else?” Your fingernails softly scratched into Carmy’s scalp, the two of you trying to touch each other as much as you possibly could.

Carmy’s chuckle drew your attention, “She uh, asked me to come home.”

Your nails stopped for a minute before you started up again, heart jumping a little in your chest at the idea of Carmy coming back to Chicago, “Are you…going to go home?” The hope in your voice borders on desperation.

Carmy was silent for a moment, hands moving to lift your shirt just underneath your breast before he placed his warm cheek back in its previous position. The news skin-on-skin contact sends chills through both of you. 

“Everything with Mikey kinda made me think about us.” Carmy’s thumb came up, to caress against your rib, dangerously close to your breast. “It just kind of puts into perspective that the people you care about can be here one day…and gone the next.”

The avoidance of your original question was not lost on you, but Carmy opening up may have been better than whatever argument the initial qualm might impose. 

“Baby I-,” you looked at Carmy as he adjusted his position one hand resting against your sternum, his chin plopping onto it. “I um.” He stopped, you followed his movements watching as his eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

“For a while, I’ve known that I feel something for you, but I-I don’t think I can give you what you want.” Your hand slipped from his hair to cup his cheek, hanging on to every word leaving his lips.

Carmy leaned into the palm of your hand, letting himself melt into your touch, cherishing the few moments he had left with you. “And I can’t promise any commitment after today.” The rapid beating of Carmy’s chest could be felt on your stomach, the crack in his voice raising a small smile to your lips. 

You sat up in bed. Carmy looked up at you as you held his chin in your hand, thumb softly tracing his lips as you committed his features to memory. The tiny scars marring his face, the few beauty marks dotted around, connecting them would create a new constellation you swore you’d remember forever. 

Carmy was honest with you, and that’s all you asked of him. Neither of you could promise each other a happy ending after you parted ways and while that hurt, it didn’t make sense to ruin the remaining time the two of you had left dwelling on the future.

“Carmen,” you waited for him to lock eyes with you, a sad smile spread across your features, tears you could no longer hold back coming forth. “I know.” 

Carmy’s lips pressed into your thumb before he gently cupped your neck and reached up so your lips connected. This was only the third kiss the two of you shared, but the intangible love and intimacy that could be felt through the single press of your lips would never dwindle, not for as long as the two of you surrounded yourself with each other.

He raised to his knees both hands entrapping your face, all his passion being poured into this one kiss. Carmy was slightly above you now, the angle forcing you to raise your head to stay connected. His thumb began unconsciously caressing the ‘B’ behind your left ear, a small part of you that had stuck with him ever since he discovered it five years ago.

The kiss intensified as you slipped your tongue between his lips, hands gripping onto his hips as he towered above you in this position. Your tongue moved languidly inside his mouth, small noises escaping the both of you.

Carmy pulled the hair at the nape of your neck, the motion removing your lips from his. “Did you mean what you said?” His breath left him in a huff.

“What?” You were slightly out of breath yourself, confused at what the hell Carmy was on about. 

“What you said about this,” his thumb swiped back and forth against the ‘B’ inked into your skin. “Would you take my last name?” 

You bit your lip, eyes lidded as you searched Carmy’s face, hand moving to grip his soft chin between your forefinger and thumb raising onto your knees so the two of you were eye level.

“Would you like that Carmen? If I let you give me your last name?” A patronizing smile graced your lips, the air between you charged. 

Carmy surged forward hungry for a taste of you, his hands gripped your hair to tug on it a strangled gasp leaving you. The strength with which Carmy took your lips into his forcing your back into the mattress beneath you two, his body hovering over yours. 

Your hand left its place on his chin sliding down to his shoulders caressing the little skin his tank top allowed you to feel. Hands traveling across his chest, the feeling of his toned body under your palms making you needy. You finally made it to the hem of his shirt tugging it up to give you access to the warm skin of his torso.

Carmy parted from you, snatching the shirt over his head before diving back in. Lips leading him to his favorite feature of yours. Your hands wrapped around his shoulders pulling him flush against you, Carmy’s lips ravished your neck as he nipped from your jawline down to your pulse point, teeth sinking in a bit harder.

“Fuck Carmy.” The delicious feeling of Carmen's body against yours, his lips exploring you, hands gripping the skin of your revealed waist. All of it led to the thrust of your hips up into his, it was selfish but you needed him, not that you would force him but whatever he would give you would have to be enough.

Carmy’s sharp intake of breath drew your attention as his hips relentlessly ground into you, hand wandering up your shirt to cup your breast thumb accidentally tracing your nipple. 

Your loud gasp alarmed him. He quickly parted from you saliva connected your lips together as you both took in each other’s disheveled appearances.

“Did I-did I do something wrong?” Sweet Carmy worried that he had ruined the moment. 

You sat up rapidly shaking your head as you stared into his eyes, the both of you breathing heavily, “No, no it was great I promise.”

Carmy nodded gently tracing your jawline as he looked at you, “Baby…I want this moment with you.” The mumble made your heart race, this was a big deal it would change whatever this relationship between the two of you was. 

“Carmy…we don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.” You searched his eyes hoping he didn’t feel pressured by the noises you were making.

“Have you…done this before?” Carmy forced himself to keep looking at you regardless of the blush he could feel painting his cheeks.

The small nod you gave relieved him a bit, “Does that bother you?” You didn’t think Camry would mind but you knew the male species could be unpredictable. 

“God no, I just don’t wanna disappoint you.” He finally looked away from you embarrassed to have admitted something so personal. 

“You won’t.” You sent him a small smile before guiding his hands to the hem of your shirt helping him to pull it over your head. Watching his beautiful face take in everything you had to offer him. 

His throat bobbed as he took in a large gulp, you could see the uncertainty in his eyes, proving you’d have to take the reins on this one, not that you minded. The thought of telling Carmy how to pleasure you warmed you up even more. 

Your finger reached out to lift Carmy’s chin, directing his eyes to yours, “What do you want to do to me, Carmen?” 

You watched as he blinked eyes tracing your figure, “I just wanna appreciate you, Baby.” The words left his lips in a whisper.

You were taken aback never having heard that before while being intimate. His hands slowly settled on your waist, the safest option “How should I…do that.”

You smiled moving one of his hands to cup your breast, shuddering at the skin-to-skin contact, “We can start with kissing, then I want you to do whatever feels right okay?”

Carmy nodded, giving your breast a slight squeeze a whimper drawing out of you, taking account of your reaction he gently began rubbing his thumb across your pebbled nipple watching your body writhe at the small action. 

He leaned forward pressing a gentle kiss into your forehead, lips moving to your left cheek then your right. A small kiss pressed into each of your closed eyelids and the tip of your nose. Each corner of your lips got its turn before his lips found the space between your nose and upper lip. One more kiss pressed into your chin before finally ending with a sweet kiss to your lips, cherishing every inch of your face he had kissed.

Carmy made his way to your jawline, starting at the right side and tracing to your left, nipping every so often as he continued his journey. Lips slowly tracing from your jawline to your neck, he wasn’t sure what it was but seeing your neck on display for him made him feral, his hips grinding into your as he decorated your neck in love bites. 

“Lay down f’me.” You eagerly listened watching as Carmy planted another soft kiss into your lips before following the map of your collarbones. Lips pressing into your upper chest as both hands came up to softly knead your breast. 

You could feel Carmy’s hard-on pressing against you, as much as you were enjoying this, all you wanted in the world was to finally please Carmy. You slipped your hand between your bodies sliding into the waistband of his boxers, hand gripping him as a strangled moan parted his lips. The soft caress of your hand against him caused his head to spin, this felt different from the times he would stroke himself thinking about you.

“Does this feel good, Carmy?” Your voice was a little deeper, more sensual as you questioned him. “Do you wish it was me making you cum on those lonely nights, hmm?

“Fuck…yes.” The whine of his voice went straight to your core, spurring you on more. 

Your strokes became a little firmer, applying more pressure to provide him more pleasure. His length twitched against your palm the more you rubbed. Carmy had lost all sense of his own ministrations grinding into your hand while still on top of you, he could feel himself close to ecstasy the feel of your warm body underneath him making him lose all control.

“Ba-Baby stop.” You froze immediately forcing your hormones under wrap, Carmy’s comfortability your priority. 

“Are you okay Carm?” The worry in your voice was obvious as you removed your hand from its grip on him. 

“Ye-yeah, I just want to please you right now.” Carmy’s hand moved to grip your rib cage thumb running back and forth against your under boob, “Can I continue showing my appreciation.” The slight desperation in his voice caused you to rapidly nod your head. 

Carmy gave you a small shy smile, moving to kiss the spot he had been tracing during this time. His lips painted across your whole torso, paying extra attention to your stomach, ideas he wasn’t ready to give merit to racing through his mind as he did so.

Finally, he paused at your hips, the solid cotton panties you wore obscured his path, nose caressing the front of your panties as he took in a deep breath allowing your aroma to invade his senses. “Are you going to take off my panties, Carmy?” The condescending tone in your voice went straight to his throbbing cock.

He nodded, wasting no time in peeling the fabric from its home around your hips, ready to replace it with his bare hands. Carmy raised to his haunches, unconsciously licking his lips at the sight of your naked body sprawled so prettily across his bed. All of you on show just for him.

Carmy returned to his previous task lips pressing wet delicate kisses into each of your hips bones, a lingering one placed at the base of your pelvis before turning his attention to your thighs. Lips trailing down your leg special attention paid to the crook of your knees and ankles. 

Carmy’s eyes found yours as he placed the last kiss on your right ankle, both of your pupils blown from the sequence of events that had just taken place. 

You beckoned Carmy forward urging him to find you once again. As he drew closer you grabbed one of his hands placing it on your right breast before moving it down so it caressed the rest of your torso, and down your pelvis finally stopping before the place you needed his touch most.

This was your way of giving him an out, the two of you could stop right here if he wanted to, the slight nod of his head told you otherwise. 

Your grip on his hand changed as you grabbed his forefinger and middle finger, your free hand parting your lower lips as you traced his fingers through your slick, a filthy moan escaping into the bedroom as Carmy’s calloused fingers finally stroked you.

“Do you feel that Carmy?” He nodded his head, eyes not leaving yours for a minute. “It's all for you, you made me feel this good.” 

You moved his fingers lower watching his face as you glided his two fingers into you, biting your lower lip at the hunger in you that was finally being tended to.

Carmy’s mouth fell open as he watched the ecstasy wash over your face, lost in the feeling of touching you in the most intimate way he had ever touched anyone before. His head dropped, eyes watching as you slowly swallowed his fingers, in and out the movement making him achingly hard. 

Carmy’s lips dropped to your ear a shy whisper caressing your ear, “I want to be inside you.” The vulnerability in Carmy’s voice caused you to bite your lip, satisfied that he was finally speaking up about what he wanted. 

“You are.” You teased him, clenching around his digits as his eyes drank you in.

You let out a whine as he removed his fingers from your grip, hand pressing your hip into the bed as he stared you down. “Please…I want this…with you.” The words unsaid weighing heavily between you two.  

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” You watched as he slipped out of his boxers, stroking himself as you watched and waited for your instructions. You motioned for him to lay atop you more noses brushing as he got into position, “I’ll guide you, but I need you to go slow okay, it’ll be a tight fit.” 

Carmy nodded his head, neither of you daring to ask about any contraception too lost in the thoughts of finally connecting in ways the two of you had only dreamed of.

You would come to regret the consequences of this decision later.

A smile split your lips before you surged up to capture Carmy’s lips, needing to distract yourself.

You guided him to your entrance only allowing the tip to go in to not overwhelm Carmy. Your mouth fell open in the shape of an ‘o’ as Carmy eagerly thrust into you, your hand raised to his shoulder to stop his movements.

“Carm, slowly, please.” His eyes met yours taking in the slight pain that his intrusion had caused, he nodded hand raising to cup your cheek.

“You look so beautiful like this.” A tender moment was shared between the two of you as you urged Carmy to continue his journey, shuddered moans escaping the both of you as he reached the hilt.

The feeling of finally being full with Carmy made you emotional, both of you just taking a moment to gaze at each other. Appreciating the finality of this all, Carmy leaned down to kiss a tear running down your cheek that escaped, his own eyes welling up, neither of you could find the right words to cement how much this moment meant to the two of you.

Carmy pulsed inside you the movement caused you to clench around him, “You did so good for me Carmy.” The praise went straight to his cock, eyes rolling back at how good a few words made him feel. 

“Can you move for me, Carm, it’ll make us both feel good.” The soft thrust of his hips was enough for you. 

He continued the slow motion of his hips, eyes connected with yours as the ghost of those three words he struggled to say filtered between the two of you. Your hand raised to wipe the single tear sliding down his cheek.

Nothing in the world could take this moment from the two of you. If Aphrodite could tell the story of your love she would describe it as a tangible heartbreaking thing always growing, and most times fleeting. Something both you and Carmy could touch, feel, and breathe. The love filtering between the two of you was clear as day to anyone who had a heart. 

The warm muscular hand pressed into the flesh of your hip bone driving you crazy. The fingers pressed into you harder and harder with each accompanying thrust. One hand pressed into the pillow by your head keeping the body atop of you from crushing you under its weight. You appreciated the cautionary position, but you had longed for this connection for what felt like ages and you would gladly welcome the weight of the perspiring chest burying you further into the mattress.

A golden gleam caught your eye taking you away from how the tattooed knuckles flexed against your hip every few seconds. You looked to see his golden chain dangling back and forth above your face, taunting you. The sway of the metal matched the rocking motion of his hips, the synchronicity of the two things driving you absolutely wild. Eyes concentrated on the gold chain it was almost like a switch was flipped in you and the catalyst was that fucking gold chain.

Your eyes moved to his face, his pupils blown wide as he stared down at you. You parted your lips his intense gaze causing you to clench down on him unconsciously, his eyes rolling back as his hand left its spot on your hip traveling up your torso thumb softly brushing over your nipple as it found its destination cupping your cheek with such intensity you were sure the shape of his thumb would be imprinted onto your jaw.

His eyes found yours once more, his thumb moving a few inches to softly caress your bottom lip. Your mouth opened on instinct to leisurely suck on his digit a hoarse ‘Fuck’ leaving the warm body that was making you feel so good. You released his thumb, feeling it tug at your bottom lip as his hand found its way back to your cheek.

You watched him above you, the ecstasy in his eyes warming your skin, you’d do anything to be able to please him if he always looked at you in that way. The flash of gold from his chain caught your attention again, the angle of his thrust causing you to gasp, a softly whispered moan of “Carmy,” leaving your lips. Carmy’s chain hovered above your open mouth begging to be taken between your teeth, you appeased your desires, your tongue latching onto the chain as you brought it to settle between your teeth. Carmy’s hips fucking into you at a slightly faster pace, your leg wrapping around his waist the heel of your foot pressing into his back to bring the two of you impossibly closer. 

“Fuck-Baby, shit!” Watching Carmy struggle for words had never been as sexy as it was at that moment. Knowing that you were the cause of his incoherent muttering. 

“Please, Carmy,” another gasp ripped through you, your teeth losing hold of Carmy’s signature gold chain. “Mmm yes, Carmen. Just like that.” You settled for whispering in his ear, the new position you had chosen had his head resting against your collarbone, his ear directly next to your mouth. You could feel Carmy’s hand moving from your cheek to clench your jaw between his thumb and remaining fingers. His hand moved your head to reveal your neck the feeling of soft wet kisses making a path to your ear, Carmy’s thrust slowing slightly.

You could feel his breath against your cheek, the soft whine he let out as your cunt clenched around him. His lips pressed against the shell of your ear, “Say that again.” His rough voice traveled through you, the thumping of your clit beating faster and faster.

“Just like that.” You moaned wanting to please him as much as he wanted to please you. 

His fingers dug into your chin, the roughness of his touch causing a high-pitched moan to leave your lips. “Sa-say my name?” The request made your head spin.

“Carm-,” Carmy’s hand returned to its earlier position holding himself above you causing your leg to drop back to the bed.

“N-no,” the strain in his voice was evident as he tilted your head down to stare directly into your eyes. “M-my name sa-say it. Please.” 

You bit your lip his whiny plea going straight to your clit. Your hand reachesdup to match his fingers gripping his chin firmly. Your blown pupils searching his wide doe eyes. It was hard to distinguish where the blue began and the black ended. Your faces were inches apart, you could tell from his breathing that your grip on his chin stirred something inside him. The soft rocking of his hips into yours caused your bottom lips to caress each other in the rhythm he had set.

“Carmen.” The syllables of his name left your mouth in a wanton moan, there was a moment where the thrusting of Carmy’s hips came to a slow stop before he surged forward and messily captured your lips in a kiss full of tongues and moans. Carmy’s hips began rutting into yours, the speed and intensity sending you both into a spiral. Your hand lost its grip on his chin to slither between your bodies matching Carmy’s pace and applying it to your clit. 

The grip on your chin was gone as Carmy’s hand followed the path yours had previously taken sending a soft squeeze to your breast. “Te-teach me how.” God you could’ve cum from that sentence alone. You began rapidly nodding your head before placing your hand atop his own guiding his index and middle finger into generously massaging your clit. 

“Car-Carmen, don’t stop please don’t stop.” Your voice leaves you in a sharp cry.

“Yeah? Is this good?” Your unabashed moan did more to answer Carmy’s question than any words could.

“Carmeee, I’m gonna come, please.” The banging of the headboard against the wall an indication of just how fast Carmy was thrusting into you.

“Whe-where should I-,” You could hear the slight panic in Carmy’s voice, assuming he was on the cusps of an orgasm as well.

“In me Carmy jus- all of it.” His fingers pressed into your clit going at a pace your brain couldn’t keep up with.

The speed of Carmy’s breathing increased. His head finding its way back into the crook of your neck, lips scattering kisses across your neck, “I’ll give it to you all. M’ gonna give you everything.” The sound of Carmen’s voice so quiet you weren’t sure if he had intended anyone else’s ears to hear it.

Whatever Carmen’s intentions his words were the last thing you needed to hear before bliss took over your senses. Your orgasm washed over you in waves, the intensity causing loud moans to escape your lips, clenching Carmy’s cock so hard you were sure it must’ve been painful. 

Riding the high of your orgasm, Carmen’s deep drawn-out groan vibrated into your neck as you felt him give two final rapid thrusts before the dam he had been holding back finally burst inside you. You felt his thrust slow down as he began peppering kisses across your face, “Thank you, thank you.” His voice trailed off into a whisper before his full body weight settled into you.

Now that the bed was no longer threatening to put a hole through his wall, the only sound filling the bedroom was the panting breaths you and Carmy were letting out.

Carmy looked up at you, the wetness on his cheeks matching yours. His forehead leaned against yours the vulnerability the two of you had for each other on full show. Breaths of love were shared between you as your lips gently touched. You knew the words you wanted to say at this moment, felt them so deep in your soul that your tears wouldn’t cease their downpour.

But you also knew how flighty the beautiful man in front of you was, it hurt but you would once again have to swallow your love for this man to ensure he remained in your life.

You laughed as Carmy hovered atop of you the Polaroid he gifted you in his hands the device raised to his eye. Your arm was thrown over your face the fact that the two of you were in this position at all still mind blowing . Carmy nudged your arm, he had been snapping photos of you for a while now, both of you ignoring the fact that he should have been getting ready for work instead of laying with your naked body barely covered under him. 

“Show me that smile, pretty girl,” you slowly moved your arm, the smile splitting your face hard to control. “You seem to like my chain so much, I want to remember what you look like in it.” Carmy could be devilish when he wanted to, the way he would sometimes gain confidence and say what was on his mind, throwing you for a loop.

Your eyes left the camera in his hand as you stared at his face, so enchanted with who Carmy was as a person. Only being jolted out of your trance as the Polaroid fluttered out of the camera and landed on the center of your chest. 

Carmy moved the camera smiling down at you before picking up the photo and examining it, the corner of his lips ticking up in a half smile. He placed the picture on the other pillow where all the other Polaroids were sprawled out. You watched as he set the camera down next to your head cupping your jaw before leaning down and pressing a firm kiss into your forehead a mumbled ‘Perfect’ escaped his lips. 

“Will you take a picture with me Carmy,” your words came out shyly hoping he would agree. You felt his nose nuzzle into your neck planting a small kiss on your tattoo before moving to lay next to you in the bed. 

You reached over to plant a soft kiss on his cheek before grabbing the camera from its spot by your head. You raised it watching as the soft smile graced Carmy’s face, your eyes not wanting to leave the perfect view of his side profile that you had fallen in love with, finger accidentally slipping, the sound of the camera shutter filled the space between you too.

Carmy pulled the photo out waiting for it to develop as he looked in your direction. A wide grin took over his face just by looking at you, your hand began lowering the camera before his hand shot out and raised your hand, and the camera back up quickly pressing your finger into the button to capture this moment in time. 

You let him grab the camera from your hands before he placed it on the nightstand, once again holding your face in place as the two of you shared your softest kiss yet. 

— — — —

You watched as Carmy maneuvered around his room slipping into a clean pair of chef whites, he was late and you could tell he was panicking on the inside but didn’t want to worry you. The two of you had wasted away in the shower washing each other's bodies and holding each other under the hot spray of water. Neither of you wanted to leave the confines of the shower, knowing your time together was finally expiring.

You sat on the bed with your legs pulled up to your chest, chin resting atop them, a fresh pair of panties, and his deep green crew neck from last night your only form of clothing. The tension between the two of you had been broken the moment Carmy realized just how behind schedule he was, shoving reality down your throat as the game of pretending the two of you had been playing was finally snuffed out.

Carmy’s eyes landed on you in his rush clocking the glaze of your eyes, head not rationalizing why you might be upset at the moment. Finally gathering all his necessities he rushed over to you kneeling in front of you pressing one last kiss onto your forehead.

“I’ll be home soon, yeah.” You closed your eyes, the words breaking your heart into pieces.

“Yeah, be safe okay?” Carmy smiled, capturing your lips in his for the last time tonight hand cupping the back of your head to hold you in place.

The two of you separated small side smiles mirroring each other, both of you knew that Carmy would return home to an empty apartment tonight, but neither of you would voice that truth. 

You followed him to the front door needing to see him off before your return to Chicago. He opened the door lingering between the door and the hallway hand gripping yours before pressing a soft kiss into the pulse point at your wrist.

You shared small smiles as Carmy made his way to leave, sending you one last wave before he disappeared down the hallway.

Your closed the door, forehead pressing into it as you stood there trying to gain your bearings, doing your best to control your tears as you knew this moment was inevitable.

A soft “I love you, Carmen.” Breathed into the empty apartment soft enough for it to feel like a ghost had whispered those words and not you.

But not quiet enough that the man who returned on the other side of the door missed the declaration. 

Heart thudding in his chest. His hand ready to turn the keys in the doorknob dropped to his side. His feet shuffled backward as he took one last glance at the door before reverting to his journey to work.

He could go one day without his signature chain that he had so lovingly placed around your delicate neck.

a/n: idk what to say really…enjoy : ) [actually no this is my first smut so please let’s learn from carmy’s mistakes and don’t come for me 😉] i’m like the only person on the planet who thinks i’m funny that’s how laughable it is 😭

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[webslingingslasher]

I feel like crying right now 🫠. I had a rlly bad week and it involved me having a mental breakdown and having to pretend like I wasn't crying when my parents came in my room. Not trying to trauma dump but I was js stressed over school assignments bc I usually never have trouble doing it and my room was very dirty and I had laundry to do and I'm sick and my parents think somethings going on with me because I was late to school three days in a row??? My dad literally said "What's going on with you lately?" While he was dropping me off and I started tearing up so I js got out of the car before I started bawling. My very best friend is ignoring me for some reason??? It usually only lasts like a few hours but this has been going on since Thursday and we still have not said a word to each other.

We're a trio w another girl but the other girl (let's call her v) has other friends and her main friends were a year older but they graduated so now we're a trio. I kind of didn't like her bc I let her rant to me when we were becoming friends but then she got too used to it and I became her therapist which I would be fine with bc I love her but she would never listen to me when I was talking and then when asked she would js giggle and say it's bc of her 'adhd' but then she would say she didn't have adhd too?? Like girl make up ur mind. But then I wouldn't let myself be walked over so I confronted her and she said ok I'll try to be better. Lately she has gotten a lot better and she's becoming a very important person in my life but it's usually always been me and my bsf right? Sorry to go off topic I forget what I'm talking ab and I js keep talking 😭 but uhhh anyways I told v aby bsf ignoring me and she basically told me that I should ignore her back bc she always does it to me and I'm always the one apologizing even tho I don't know what I did wrong most of the time. I send her a long paragraph and she js responds w lol and we move on.

So v told me that I don't deserve that, so I should wait for her to talk to me, and after a while, I was like, "Yk what? Youre right" and she told me "ik this sounds cringy but I'm so proud of you" I was alr kind of crying before that bc I always care more ab ppl then they do ab me and bc of the shitty week I had been having so when I read that I immediately started crying and I was muffling the sounds in my spiderman plushie (I'm so cool ik😎) and I was like that for ab an hour and I haven't talked to my bsf since. We had school the next day, and she ignored me, so I went to my other friends bc I have more of them in my classes than she does, and I had a pretty good day apart from her.

Anyways I forgot what my point was again 😭, but oh yeah today I woke up early to go see the eclipse w my cousins and when I came home I went to get starbucks w my dad and then showered (I had not showered in a while, stinky ik 😪((tbh I think it was the dirty room and clothes that was depressing me)) ) and then I cleaned my room and moved things around. (It was a deep clean day) and I went to go do laundry at my aunties. (I had to put two loads in bc I had a lot of clothes 😭) anyways it is currently 8:30 pm where I am and I js got home bc I had to walk home w my bin.

I come home to my little ipad kid cousins in my room on my bed (I didn't have bedsheets on bc I washed them) they had dirty bare feet and they were jumping on my bed and I had left a drawing on my bed and they crumpled it all up. My aunt js leaves them to do whatever they want bc the older one has autism so that's an excuse apparently??? (Don't come at me she's not a very good mom in that department)((wow that sounded judgy)) also I can't tell them to go away or not jump on my bed because then my parents are gonna make it seem like I'm being dramatic in front of my whole family (my aunts and uncles are here) also I'm Mexican btw so it's a very big deal. Also if I tell my aunt she's gonna be rlly sorry and make me feel guilty ab it and in the end they're gonna end up on my bed either way. Also ik my cousin is also having a bad week so ik small things will provoke him. So yeah 😁 I also have a class tmr at 6:30 pm for two hours and it affects me a lot bc then I feel out of it when I have to come home and get ready for school on Monday.

Anyways sorry for dumping all of this on you and if you made it to the end congrats and thank you 🫶🏽 also feel free to ignore this I js needed to tell someone🧍🏽‍♀️

- 🎧

seems like v is a good friend. and it sounds like you need a good friend right now.

i hope these next few weeks get better, i'm sending a big fat virtual hug your way!

[littlegrrl7]

Skadi on AO3

 This is not how I die.

Slathering jaws snap in my face again as the beast’s foul breath washes over me. I’m an idiot for coming alone to this unfamiliar stretch of woods today. My basket of herbs and small sickle knife lay strewn near the overlook where this bear has me pinned on my back. The stench of death rolls off the creature, and judging by its state, it has the foaming sickness.

 My wolf form won’t be nearly large enough to take on a disease-maddened bear. I’m going to get slaughtered if I stay in my soft human body. A swirl of mist covers me as I shift to my larger Vargree skin. The human stories call Vargree werewolves, but we are so much more than that. The magic tingles as it races over my flesh. Thick gray fur replaces skin. My face lengthens to a muzzle and fangs emerge, filling my mouth with dangerously sharp teeth. My body grows heavier, taller, stronger as the animalistic attributes of my wolfish half form take over. I flick my ears back, stretching clawed fingers and toes as some of my clothing melds into the change.

 I shove the bear in vain, hoping to free myself, managing mere inches before it slams me to the ground again. Rocks dig into my back bringing the burn of tears to my eyes. The bear’s massive paws pin my shoulders. I snap at it, struggling to free my arms enough to claw at its beady eyes.

 It roars, showering my muzzle in disgusting phlegmy spittle. The sour scent of decay rolling off it raises bile to my throat. Thank the goddess, Vargree can’t contract diseases. I dodge another bite, twisting again to make enough room to bring my legs up and rake claws into its softer belly. The bear bawls and slams my back harder into the ground. Crushed, my breath whooshes from my lungs. Something cracks, and white-hot pain shoots through my side. The view of the forest and blue sky spins as I struggle for breath.

 “Hey! Is someone up there?” A deep voice calls.

 I snap at the bear again, seeking to sink my teeth into its throat, but it jerks its head and all I get is a mouthful of rancid fur. Wriggling one arm free, I swipe at it, digging long claws into its side. Enraged, the bear lifts its bulk and I take a hasty gulp of air before it slams down on me again.

 “Look out! There’s a rabid bear up there!” Someone shouts a warning that is far too late.

 I roll my eyes at the comment. Bracing my back against the ground, I flex my arms, shoving the bear far enough off me to bring my knees to my chest under the great beast. Putting every ounce of strength behind it, I slash downward with my back claws. A hot spill of entrails and blood covers me, evidence of my success, as my claws rake its stomach open. The stench of rot fills the air.

 The bear reels backward and I’m able to take half a breath, until the sting of my ribs has the world going out of focus. Don’t pass out. Awkwardly, I lunge from the bear and crawl away, realizing too late I’m at the edge of the cliff. I push myself up as the beast’s rubbery lips peel back from yellowed teeth before it roars and charges. The cliff drop-off is at my back. I brace myself as the bear barrels toward me, then twist as it strikes to use its own momentum to hurl it over the side.

 Not bothering to watch it soar into the cloudless summer sky, I slump to the gritty earth, waiting for my pulse to stop pounding in my ears. Closing my eyes, I ignore the distant wails of the creature as it plummets to the valley below. The feeling of exhilaration ebbs. I could have died–not that anyone would have cared.

 All I wanted was a little time for myself today. Time away from the judging eyes of my pack. A day without snide jibes or ridicule for being a halfbreed bastard. I was going to pick some herbs for the pack healer, maybe take a dip in the lake. I wasn’t expecting a fight against a disease-riddled creature.

     Breathe in    … the pain in my side flares and stars dance before my eyes. I focus on my wolf form, shifting to my four-pawed body and keen senses. My wounds heal with the change, bringing blessed relief.

     Breathe out    … I shift back to my bi-pedal Vargree skin, still covered in filth. Gross. I pant, stretching out onto my back to stare at the sky, trying to slow my racing heart.

 “Are you alive?”

 I blink. For one ridiculous moment, I think the spirit of the bear is speaking to me. But the voice comes from below. Rolling onto my stomach, I peer over the edge of the cliff.

 A dark-haired man hangs from an outcropping of root, his toes barely set on a thin ledge. Still dazed, I stare down at him. There are never any humans in these woods. An upward draft brings his wolfish scent to me–he’s a Vargree like me.

 The root groans under his weight.

 “What are you doing down there?” I ask, trying to make sense of why anyone would cling to a cliff face.

 “I’m enjoying the breathtaking view.” The strange Vargree flashes me a roguish smile. “I could use a hand up.” The root drops another inch, and he gives me a frantic look that belies his previous lighthearted tone.

 “Shift and climb,” I call down to him. He should be able to dig into the cliff face easily with his claws.

 “I’ll be too heavy. This root won’t hold much longer.”

 He’s too far down for me to reach him. Frowning, I realize I’m not strong enough to carry him, even in my Vargree skin. “I saw some vines on the next rise,” I say over my shoulder as I set off.

 “I’ll be right here,” he says, sounding pretty jovial for a man hanging by a thread above certain oblivion.

 I grab my sickle knife off the ground and run back to another steep slope on the mountainside. The thick vines aren’t hard to cut, and I twist them together as I race back to him. I anchor the makeshift rope to a nearby tree for safety and toss it over the edge. “Grab that and I’ll haul you up.”

 Before I can get to the edge to see him, there’s a ripping noise and tumbling gravel. The twisted vines yank tight, scraping my hands. I pull back hard.

     Sweet mother Vanadis, he’s heavy!    The vines go slack and worry fills me before a sable-furred hand appears over the edge, followed by black-tipped ears lined with golden metal hoops. He grunts, and I rush forward to pull him up to safety. Realizing how enormous his Vargree skin is, I grasp his tunic and the leather of his belt. With another heave, we both fall to the ground panting.

 Turning to look at him, pure terror chokes me as I’m dwarfed by his shadow. He’s not just a Vargree, but one of the northern winter wargs. My mother’s brutal stories–that they are all rapists and murderers–pour into my mind. The gigantic wolf-shifters have waged war for centuries in the north. The stories have trickled down even as far as these quiet lands.

 The warg breathes in, likely scenting my fear. I scramble back, adrenaline still rushing through my veins. Will he attack now? Is he even able to? I need to run while he’s still stunned.

 “Hey, pup. You just saved my life. I won’t hurt you.” With a glimmer of concerned hazel eyes, he reaches out to me, but I'm already moving as I pull on my faster wolfskin.

 Four paws hit the turf and I’m running for my life. My heart hammers wildly against my chest. Rabid bears? Winter wargs? Fenrir’s balls. How much worse can this day get? I try to get enough ground between us before he pursues.

 If I can make it back to my pack… as if that’s any safer. I falter as a sharp rock catches my paw, ripping open the pad. Crashing sounds in the underbrush behind me and I ignore the pain, letting the sheer terror spur me on. Wargs are brutal. Ruthless. All of them. My entire life I’ve heard stories of the ferocity and cold-hearted natures of the far north packs. They take whatever they want. I should know. I’m a result of it: my father is a warg, my mother unwilling. Her words echo back to me. Never be alone, always stay with the pack.

 The pack hasn’t shown me much kindness, though.

 Pain rips through my leg with every stride and the blood leaves a trail a child could follow. Briefly, I consider shifting to heal it. Glancing back, I realize it’s impossible. A sable-furred shadow races toward me through the verdant trees. He’s enormous, easily the size of a draft horse, and gaining fast.

 I put on a fresh burst of speed, snapping my head forward only to crash against something immovable. A startled yelp escapes me as thick, furred arms hoist me into the air. Another warg. What are they doing here? Frantically flailing my paws, I bite at his face. Bright blue eyes widen as he turns his tawny muzzle away from me and glances over my shoulder.

 “Hold her,” the warg chasing me growls.

 I scrabble desperately against my captor’s grip, bringing my back legs up to disembowel him like I did the bear. Barking as I snap at him, I struggle, but it’s no use. He’s far stronger.

 “Fenrir’s shaggy cock. She’s a fighter!” His golden-furred arms loosen to swing me away from his body, then he slams my back to his chest. My breath rushes out in a gust, leaving me stunned.

 The warg I saved strides toward me, tossing my herb basket to the ground. Even in my sheer fright, a part of me marvels at his presence as he shifts to his human form. My world slows down as a strange sensation burns through my veins. Not fear–attraction. It tingles over me as I try to make sense of it.

  Straight dark brown hair falls forward over intense hazel eyes. His shoulders go on forever as he looms closer to us, and a frustrated expression twists his handsome, roughly chiseled features. His eyes soften as he slowly extends a hand toward me. “Easy, pup. We aren’t going to hurt you. Destin, put her down.”

 I squirm again in the tawny warg’s arms, smearing him with my bloodied foot and the offal from the bear. He gags on the stench as I shift to my Vargree skin,   taking on my half form so I can speak. Adjusting his grip, he grunts against my furred cheek as my   weight and size increases, but doesn’t let go.

 “Then why were you chasing me?” I grit out as the steel-like arms around me tighten further.

 “Did she hurt you?” The warg called Destin growls. He hisses as I rake long claws over his forearm in an attempt to get free.

 The other warg chuckles. “No. But she’s liable to shred your pretty hide if you don't release her.”

 My clawed feet touch the ground, but he still keeps me trapped in his arms. I glare at the warg I saved, regretting that I did. I’m going to get murdered in these woods. Why did I come out here alone? Stupid. I focus on bringing forth the voice of my wolf, ready to fight.

 “Who are you?” the warg asks as he steps closer. The clean, musky scent of him fills my nostrils and that strange tug echoes through me again. It’s familiar somehow, almost sweet like dry fall leaves. He rests his hand under my long muzzle, lifting it to him.

 I’m tempted to lunge and snap at him, but I don’t. Something stings in my chest the moment I gaze into his bemused face. He’s gorgeous in his human form, tanned skin and smoky dark looks. I can’t seem to remember how to breathe as I shake my head out of his hand. Destin’s grip tightens around me in warning. I went from one brutal opponent to another. I’ll never submit, I’d rather die fighting.

 “You will release me now.” Thank Vanadis, the voice comes ringing with the echo of the goddess. Tawny arms instantly go slack as the other warg’s dark brows rise.

 “You have the voice,” he murmurs in awe.

 I turn to run, but he grips my forearm. Thick blunt fingers dig into my gray fur. A warmth tingles along my flesh where our bare skin touches. I call the power forth again, glaring into his hazel eyes. “Release me.”

 “No, pup. I’m afraid that won’t work on me.” His lips lift, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “But it was an admirable try. Take a knee.”

 His voice echoes with the same power, and as if pressed, my legs fold and I kneel before him. Terror chokes me further. I grit my teeth. “Is this how you thank me for saving you?”

 “Easy, pup, no one here will hurt you… let’s try this again.” He kneels before me, lifting my muzzle with a single finger. I want to bite his hand, but I can’t seem to move. “What is your name?”

 “Piss off.” I try to rise, but his will is far stronger than mine. My body shakes against his command as I try to resist it, failing utterly.

 Rich and deep, his chuckle leaves my stomach fluttering. I squirm at the unfamiliar sensation, and growl as he strokes a gentle hand along my furred cheek. Lightly, he brushes the very tips of his fingers along my pointed ears as if trying to soothe me. I flatten them in annoyance.

 “I’m Drott Liam of pack Five Claw. This is my yodha, Destin. We’re traveling through the area seeking pack Máni. I promise I won’t hurt you, my savior.” He stands, then offers me his hand.

 Feeling the compulsion lift, I glare at his extended hand as I hesitate. He’s a pack leader? He can’t be out here with only his second in command. Is Five Claw invading this region?

 “Come on, pup. You somehow threw a bear three times your size off a cliff. I should be the one afraid of you.” His smile is far more charming than it has any right to be. Refusing the offer of help, I stand, then glance at the warg who captured me.

 Destin’s in his human skin now, tall with wavy blond hair and large, startling blue eyes. He’s clean-shaven, with a pointed jaw and cheekbones so sharp I could cut myself on them. With those thick lips and straight nose, he’s almost too pretty for a man. His body is lean and sculpted, still tense. I know he’ll pin me again with one word from the drott. He glances from Liam to me as if awaiting an order. Now is my chance. I leap, shifting mid-air to my faster wolfskin. As soon as my paws hit the ground, I run.

 “Let her go,” Liam says at my back. “I’ll see her again.”

[rose-9906]

Can I request 18 for Johnny x Reader?

Reader was going through a sad thing (you're free to choose what it may be) so she hid away, but Johnny finds her and comforts her and stuff like that

Hidden Away

Prompt 18 - “You know, you're quite hard to find.”

Johnny Depp x Reader

Words - 831

Notes - I feel this is longer than some of my more recent stuff, but that's probably because I actually had time to write. I hope you enjoy. :)

Photo Credit To Owner

You and Johnny have been dating for some time. You always seem to understand each other. Whenever either of you have a problem with anything you always work it out. Whether you're annoyed with each other or something happens at one of your works and the other person just helps them work it out. However, Johnny hasn’t been home much lately and you haven't been talking to him much. Your work has a lot going on right now as well so it almost works out, neither of you feel as bad for not being home much. However, just today you learned you were to be in charge of a new project at your work, on top of being the head of your division. You now have double the work and you can hardly keep up with all of it.

After a month of all the stress of work, without Johnny there, and the ongoing struggles of life in general, you finally cave. One night while Johnny is home you're working on some work stuff in the dining room, while Johnny is sitting across from you reading. You’ve been working for hours and can already tell you're going to break down if you keep going any longer. You stand and walk through the open arch towards the kitchen. You turn and rush up the stairs before shutting yourself in the closet of your art room, which you purposefully left pillows and blankets in for this reason. You can’t hold it in anymore and you break down. Not just crying, you're bawling your eyes out, the water pouring from your eyes is dripping on your legs, and you can’t contain the sniffles that follow.

It’s been 20 minutes, and she hasn’t come back. Johnny thought you were just running to the bathroom or grabbing something for your work. Maybe you decided to take a shower, or head to bed? But you would have told him, wouldn’t you. He decides to go upstairs and look. He first checks the bedroom, then your shared bathroom, then the huge walk in closet. He checks behind your clothes and behind his. He checks in the guest bathroom, then the guest bedroom. He checks the hallway closet, and your shared office. He makes it down to your art room. The last place up stairs. He slowly opens the door, calling out your name. He looks around, getting distracted by all of your art hanging on the walls. He hasn’t been in your art room in what feels like forever. He looks at all the different colors and shapes. All the scattered paints and chalks. He sees the potter's wheel he got you last christmas in the corner, with a wrapped project on the table next to it. He is pulled back into reality hearing a sniffle from the wall behind him. He turns around to see the closet next to the door he came in. He calls out your name again, walking towards the closet.

“My love, tell me what is wrong, please?” He opens the door and looks down to see you huddled up in a fluffy blanket surrounded by pillows.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You say, snuggling in closer to the pillows, as if you could disappear right into them.

“Please, I wish you would have told me you weren't ok, how long has this been going on?” He questions you. He sits, leaning against the frame of the closet. 

“A month.” you mumble, looking at him over your shoulder.

“What? Darling, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you, you're so happy working on your movie.”

“No, I don't ever want you to think you can't tell me something.”

“I-I’m sorry.” Your tears have slowed and you turn to face him.

“I want you to tell me everything, and don’t summarize, I want to know every little detail.” He holds your face in his hands, giving you a kiss on the forehead.

“Now, let's get you in a nice warm bath. We can talk about it then.”

Johnny starts the bath for you while you undress and grab your favorite candle and a speaker. You play some background music and light your candle, slipping into the warm water. It’s one of those perfect baths that completely relaxes you.

“You know, you're quite hard to find.” Johnny states, rubbing your back in soothing motions.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hide.” 

“I know, now tell me everything.”

You go on to tell him everything that has been happening. He sits and listens, giving encouraging words and small kisses here and there. 

After you finish your bath, you decide to distract yourself by doing some art. Johnny decides to join you. He paints in your art room with you while you work on your pottery. After, you both lay down, tired from the hours of talking and art you just did. You fall peacefully asleep in his arms, ready for tomorrow. 

Are you joking!? Seriously, I just want to thank you all so much for all of these follows. I love writing for everyone and I hope you all enjoy my writing. 100 followers is my first step and I'm so glad we made it. In honor of this I have a couple things planned.

1. I have a google classroom where you can collectively see all of my stuff. There is also a spot for you to do a special request, in honor of reaching 100 followers. You can add your name, gender, and any other special requests and I will write an imagine for it. This can be shared privately or publicly. It is a continued this and a new one will appear every month. c4pnzhj is the class code. Please join me.

2. I'm taking suggestions for which days I should post. Vote in the classroom.

3. I want to talk to people more, hear what you have to say about the different people we all admire and obsess over together. This will happen on the Google classroom or here. Make posts and tag me in them and start a conversation.

4. I'm taking requests for anything you want to change or see added to the Rose Library, whether that be a new platform or something else.

5. Feel free to submit anything else you want me to do in The Rose Library 🌹

Thank you so much.

- Rose ❤️