#babydoll Evelyn

[icarusredwings]

Baby Eveyln small update

Tw: Mentions of miscarriage, child loss, voices, mental illness, argueing.

Logan is starting to get worried. A little too worried. Some of the things he is saying make far too much sense, the way he holds the baby, becoming way too serious to be simply coping. If anything, Evelyn was making him cope less, forcing him to spend most of his time with her, taking her to the park, taking her to the store, and even to work. It was getting to the point where Eve was "crying" during class and began to freak out some of the students.

"..but.. Mr. Wade.. she's a toy."

"She's crying!"

The silence was loud to them, but not to Wade, who was now on paid suspension for two weeks to try to settle his mental state but now Wade couldn't even sleep without the doll. He didn't laugh as much anymore. He didn't take many merc jobs anymore. Hell- he didn't want to take any jobs at the moment, even bringing up the idea of being a stay at home dad. This, of course caused an argument.

"Wade, you cant be a stay at home dad if we don't have any kids! If you want to take a break thats fine, but you can't use her as an excuse, shes... shes plastic, honey. You need to realize that. Shes not real. You are making the crying on your own."

"I'm not! An-and she IS crying!"

"All she does is cry apprently! It's not healthy, Wade. Something is wrong!"

"She laughs too! S-she giggles at me! It's real! I-i can hear it!" He cries, still holding the doll in his arms, yelling back like a tired mother in a Drama who just found out her husband was cheating.

"If you don't want to be part of this family.. t-Then don't! Leave us alone! Go! She dosn't need a father like you anyway!" He screams, wearing nothing but his silk nightie robe and a pair of boxers... storming off into their room.

Slamming the door..

So, It leads him to consult an expert in Wade's manic depressive episodes. Vanessa. Wade mentioned them both taking parenting classes to see if they were ready for a kid but the way Wade was describing it... there may have already been one.. Infact that's why he called her here.

At first, he pitter pattered around the subject. Lightly implying, and then beat around the bush, beating the bush finally when she ignored the question, acting as if she hadn't heard. Logan knew already by her avoidance, but he needed her to confirm. To be sure.

"Were you... ever pregnant?..while with Wade, I mean.." It's a whisper, in the corner of some run down diner. He had bought her a piece of strawberry short cake and a coffee in hopes to soften things over, he himself a coffee and buttered pancakes.

"What? No.. why would you think that?" She says, but looks away, quickly taking a drink of her coffee, looking longingly out the window.

"...Ness.."

She glances at him with such wide eyes, frowning. "What is it, Logan?"

"I won't tell him." He states, watching as she swallows, looking around before whispering.

"...It would destroy him."

That's what Logan thought. An internal sigh washed over him as he glances down at the table. "I know.. but with Eve-"

"That stupid babydoll he carries around to torture me with? What about her?" She grunts, by now her eyes teary, begining to look at the ceiling, clearly angry that she couldn't have what she wanted, and yet Wade could play with the doll.

Ooh... that made sense as to why Vanessa wouldn't play mommy and daddy with him. His brows crease upwards, head lowering as he looks at her with such sympathy. "Yeah....Why didn't you tell me? I can put her up when you visit.. so.. It's not as painful..."

"He can't know. No one can know. If he found out, he'd-" Her throat tightens, cutting off as she took a deep breath, now staring at him in his eyes, serious and biting her tounge.

"...Promise me."

"I won't tell him... I promise." Taking a napkin, he passed it to her. "I just.. I need to know what's going on so I can get him help. By helping me, you're helping him." He whispers, letting things sit like that for a while, silently starting to eat his food, waiting patiantly.

Finally, Vanessa took a breath. "Don't let this be for nothing.."

"I won't...Do you know if anyone else could possibly-"

Vanessa gave him a glare. One that said 'Ive been engaged to this bastard for 10 years and you think he has a kid with someone else?'

So Logan nodded. "Got it."

But now this leads Logan to wonder... Did Wade deserve to know? It was his kid afterall...

[icarusredwings]

Baby Evelyn update

Todays the day.

Todays the day Wade gets to hold Rachel. Despite protests from both sides, Logan worried he would drop the baby, scott a bit too possessive of her, but Jean had already decided it was important that Rachel become accustomed to different looking mutants from a young age.

Kurt had already had his go, being super careful with the darling child as well as Hank and Gambit who immediately got looks from Rouge as if he were a home cooked deep fried pork chop, collard greens and corn bread dinner.

Rachel had cried with each of them. Every single person, only stopping her crying when spoken to and shushed. Well- not Hank. He gave Rachel back instantly, worried he upset her with his appearance.

Logan had already heard about this and was worried. What if Rachel cried too much and it made Wade feel terrible? He knew if Wade dropped her Jean would personally find a way to permanently kill him, so this worried him just as much, deciding to stay close by so he could scoop up the baby if Wade panicked.

From the moment he saw her, Wade gasped, Squealing and flapping his hands in excitment.

"Logan!! That's a baby!" He announced, as if he was blind or something.

Swallowing, Logan gave a look to Jean. "Are you positive about this?"

She nods. "I am. Ive seen in there. He would never purposely hurt a child."

"You've only seen 2 seconds' worth." He scoffed, the fur on the back of his neck rising up as she slowly handed Rachel to him, who automatically supported the back of her neck and brought her close to his body.

For a coulple seconds he just stared at her the way Wade stared at all things little like babies and puppies, kittens, and even baby opossums. He just was pure like that. Sure, he could merc an evil 17 year old or hell, even a 15 year old but a baby? An infant who couldn't even sit up? There's no way in hell. No amount of money could overdrive his fraternal drive to be a good father.

It wasn't until Wade said "Hi baby" and smiled so widely that Rachel started crying, whining and calling for her mama. "Oh no- don't cry. It's okay. Come'ere. It's alright, baby... shh." He says, putting her into his pec as he bounced her and patted her softly.

Jean smiles at him, giving Logan that look of 'I told you so' when Rachel stops crying.

But Logan only blinks. Rachel didn't stop crying because of Wade. She was staring directly at Logan, reaching out a little hand for him.

Hesitantly, he put his finger out, letting Rachel take his finger. Her hand was so tiny... she was practically a spittin image of Jean minus a few features, like that scrunch in her tiny brow. That was definitely Scotts.

Her eyes were a copy and paste of Jean's, her hair a little darker, more copper than the bright red he knew her for.

Seeing this, Wade grins, turning her to see Logan better. The finger grip became tighter as she giggled, coeing nonsense.

"Now don't go pulling a twilight on the baby, Loagie." He teases, though the way Logan stared at the infant made his smile small.

"...Loagie?"

"What's 'pulling a twilight'?" Jean asks, not very concerned in how captivated the man was in the tiny fingers holding him.

"There's this werewolf guy, and he inprints on Bella's baby. It's weird."

It was now that she frowned a bit. "You're imprinting on Rachel?"

Still staring, Logan gave a soft shake of the head. "What? No! He's just messing around...She just.. wont let go.." he says, blinking again. He couldn't stop staring at her. Litsening to every giggle and coe. As if he was supposed to have memories of his own daughters like this... but didn't..

"Ohh, right.. this is your first time getting to know a baby in a long time, isn't it?" Wade asks, knowing that, biologically, his wolvie didn't have any children. None that were alive anyway. So, seeing a baby must be different for him.

"Huh?"

"I was saying-"

"Can... can I hold her?" He asks, glancing to Jean who was curious about what was going on in Logan's head, but nodded. "Why don't you sit with her and Ill go make her a bottle. Don't drop her or ill kill you~" She sings but Logan knows shes serious. He chuckles. "I know you will."

And so he did, sitting on the couch in the lounge room with the small baby, staring at her, his grip a bit too much. Wade whines, leaning over the side of the couch with a sigh. "I was supposed to hold her.."

"You did hold her."

"Well it's my turn again!"

Reaching his hand out to take Rachel back, Logan grabbed his wrist, looking at him like he couldn't relax enough to let Wade's actions slide.

"Ooh.. Wolvie.." He slowly smirks, pulling his hand away, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "You like her!"

"No.. she's just.. fragile." He says.

"But im careful with her. Besides, you don't act like this with Evelyn!"

".. Evelyn can't giggle like this.." He mumbles, letting the baby try to break her teeth in on his finger, a soft fond smile coming to his face.

The man behind him pouts at first, slightly jealous before slowly realizing that neither Logans got to hold baby Laura or even infant Gabby. So this must be a whole new thing for him. Something he never got to do and missed out on.

Before he could mention possibly giving him this experience, Leo came to curl up on the couch next to him, laying against the Wolverine. Lions usually didn't get along with Wolvies in the wild, but this one adored Logan, his personal mentor.

"Hey kid... do you wanna see?"

Shifting to look at the baby, his tail swished softly. "Did you and Ms. Summers have a baby, Mr. Logan?"

"No, they did not."

Before either of them could awnser, Scott had come downstairs, probably looking for his wife and newly born daughter.

"Rachel is my daughter... Shouldn't you be in class?"

Leo whined a bit, flickering his tail a bit annoyed. ".. I don't like gym with Mr. Wagner.. he doesn't play fair." The child complains, simply wanting to nap.

"Kurt plays fair, Leo. You just get discouraged because you dont like that you cant pounce on him when he poofs away. Trust me.. been there." Logan tells him, giving him a nod of his head, gesturing him to get back to class before Kurt had a heart attack for losing a kid.

Wade ruffles the kids' hair, smirking. "Come on, kitty cat... before the cat fight starts." He mutters under his breath, taking Leo back outside to his class, leaving the modern day Jacob and Edward to fight over their red headed Bella, who was still in the kitchen, unaware of the stare down currently happening.

"...She's beautiful." It's Logan who looks away first, knowing this wasn't his child to defend. As much as he felt it in his bones, there was no reason to protect her from invisible danger.

"Just like her mother." The headmaster mumbles, reaching for her.

Reluctantly, Logan finally gave her up, prying Rachels small hand off his pointer finger.

Watching how Scott took her and held her close made him wonder..

"...Slim."

"What is it, Logan?"

For a moment, He was quiet, trying to think of how to say it. "...You didn't get to raise Nathan... right?"

"No.. what does that have to do with anything?"

"So.. this is your first baby."

"Yeah.. she cries a lot at night, but.. shes my everything.."

Logan snickers. "Yeah.. I can tell. You look like shit."

"Oh wow, thanks...wait why do you ask?"

".... I didn't get to raise Laura.. or Gabby... Or.. really any of them.."

At first, Scott wanted to ask what that has to do with him, what do you want me to do about it? But just sighed, finally letting himself drop the 'I know what i'm doing, im the leader' confidence act.

"I won't lie.. It's rough.. I don't have any baby pictures of him. I dont even know what he got for his 5th birthday. Or his 18th. I don't.... I don't know anything about my own son.. and it's not like he visits.. at least you always know where yours are.." He admits.

Logan frowns, thinking about this. He hated how he felt so similarly. He didn't even know Laura until recently. Not as a person. He didn't even know her favorite color. But now he knew everything. Her favorite foods, what movies she liked, her fashion sense, who she's crushed on, who she currently is crushing on. And he was grateful that she trusted him enough to tell him all these things... so he could only imagine what it would be like if she wasn't in town, let alone in the same decade as him.

"...I think Wade wants a baby.."

Scott turned, giving him a 'wtf' glance and brow scrunch that made Logan chuckle. Yup.. Rachel was definitely Scottys..

"That's... God do I need to put him in Gambits sex ed class?"

He snorted, laughing. It made his face soften, looking at him with a fondess that was old and dried up. Only becoming watered very briefly once every couple of months.

"Maybe! Heh.. no but... really. And.. its not like I would mind but-" he took a deep breath, grabbing at the old sunwashed jeans. "Im scared.."

"What?" Theres that scrunch again.

"You're the Wolverine.. you don't GET scared.."

"I know.. but I am. What if I... what if I mess up? What if.. I dont know. What if Im the worst dad ever? I've never raised a baby before.. not like this." Logan spits out, groaning as his hand goes to his face, leaning forward.

"Psh.. you really are nothing like him are you?"

"What?"

"The other Logan- My.. Logan.. would never even worry about that. Let alone talk to ME about it."

"Why?"

"Because I'd tell you that you're a massive moron."

Logan gives him a side eyed glare. "Wow... thanks.. feel so much better now.."

Scott smirks. "No. Look- Do you know how many times Gabrielle ends up in my office?"

"Yes. I know. She has a biting problem. We are working on it-" He groans, leaning back into the sofa.

"Yes but you KNOW those things... I don't even know WHERE my son is. And you know exactly whos room shes in right now."

"Poor, Ro.."

"Poor Gabrielle." Scott mumbles. "My point is.. you've always been... aware... noticeable.. of things that other people aren't. And I think... I think you would be a great dad. Sure, you get paid in dirty diapers and shitty sleep but.. its worth it."

The two smile at the baby, who was still coeing up a storm, gabbing and giggling.

"Shes very vocal for such a young age.."

"See? I didn't even realize.." He trails off before sighing and standing with a grunt. "Gotta go find mommy. Don't we, my sunshine?" He coes back, nuzzling the tiny thing with his nose. "Whew! And maybe change you... well.. Bye Logan.."

"Bye Cyk...Bye Rachel." He says, watching him walk off as he started humming,

Logan sees as he meets up with Jean, taking the bottle and leaning against her, kissing her head and little rachel kicking her feet, excited to see her mother.

A deep sigh comes from him, getting up as he goes to find Wade. Okay.. okay, you can do this its only a couple of words. It won't be hard. And they're already married so what was the big deal? Nothing to worry about now.

"Wade-" He enters the basketball court.

"I wanna breed you."

The court goes silent, children staring and some compemtly dropping their basketballs. Even Kurt drops from the place he was hanging, landing on his head in shock. "Wha!?- YEowuch!"

"...Peanut...This is a class..."

[icarusredwings]

Why the fuck did I even write this. WHEN did I write this? #cleaningoutmyqueue

Carly at 4 am:

Thinking about one night, Logan waking up to Wade cross-legged, rocking back and forth as he's patting Evelyn.

"Shhh.. shh, it's alright.. you're okay, baby girl."

Immediately, he wants to just go back to bed because it is too early to deal with this bullshit though he sighs heavily and asks anyway.

"What's wrong with the baby?"

"Shhh.. shhh.. she won't stop crying. Can't you hear her?"

"Oh..." He realizes that there's tears running down his face. He's rocking, patting, and patting more, as if desperately trying to soothe her though Logan knew self consciously he was only trying to soothe himself from something.

Call it what you will, but they have come a long way from other destructive ways to self harm then rocking a baby doll. And if Wade wanted to rock his baby then so be it. But it didn't actually look like he *wanted* too rather then was struggling to let go of her. Struggling to put her down.

Ever since he had that damned dream that there was a universe where he had a daughter, his whole train of thought changed completely, now playing papa to cope. Cope with loss that he didn't even know he had, cope with the idea of 'holy shit this is so easy and yet my parents couldn't do it properly... they mustn't have loved me enough'. To cope with the fact that despite having all these kids in class- They would never be his.

Sure, he's snatched up Laura and Gabby faster then Logan even mentioned being their step father, but it wasn't the same. He had the same dream over and over again about a baby girl. HIS baby girl.

Now here he was, half asleep, patting on auto pilot, and crying because his silent babydoll was sobbing in his head, a dream lingering into reality.

"Shhh... shh.. Evelyn please.. go to sleep for papa.. im sorry.. I know.. It'll be okay. You have wolvie. He's kinda like a mama?" He whispers to the toy, whose batteries were taking out ages ago because of an actual cry button that would randomly go off, sending Wade into even worse frenzies.

Recently 'Evelyn' has been having issues on not having a mom and it almost felt.. real.. the way he described her pain. As if the other universe was dipping into theirs. It kind of concerned Logan just how dearly he took care of this doll, carrying around for hours and once even brought her to work.

He'd wrap her up and carry her, bounce her infront of the chalk board, show coworkers his baby, most being extremely puzzled as who let Wade adopt a baby- only to realize that she wasn't a real baby at all. Few, such as Yukio, Rouge, Kurt, and Jean held or bounced the baby as if it were an actual baby.

Rouge at first took her without even realizing, but saw how happy it made Wade and continued, Yukio ofc took her and was extra gentle, Kurt, who was used to sunday school kids handing him random stuffies and babys autimatically began to bounce her. Meanwhile Jean knew it was a doll and took it anyway, complimenting Wade on how beautiful his baby was. "Isn't she!?" He said to her and she smiled.

Later she had said to Logan something about how the baby was improving his mental state- Not alot- but enough to keep him in the 'Sane' category for awhile. She also mentioned how when Rachel was born she would let Wade hold her, despite Logan telling her that was a terrible idea, afraid of what might happen. No, Wade would never hurt a baby on purpose but he was terrified of Wade trying to take someone else's kid or being a bit too rough.

He already saw him drop evelyn twice- and she was hard plastic. He didn't want to imagine what would happen if she hadn't been.

Honestly? It was heart breaking to watch. To see the man he loved so desperate for a child of his own though both agreeing that he wasn't in the right mental state for a baby and probably never would be. He was good with older kids. 5 and up, but new borns and toddlers needed more work then just playing, feeding them once in a while and carrying them around.

The best thing about Evelyn is that he couldn't forget to feed her because she didn't actually need to eat. She couldn't get be kidnapped and held hostage or even killed by people who really didn't like him. She couldn't get hurt if Logan accidentally stabbed her in his sleep.

But sometimes, this play wasn't enough. Sometimes, something in his head just wouldn't let him put her down, wouldn't let 'her' stop crying.

With a pop of his back, Logan sat up with a groan. "Give her here." He put his arms out for his daughter, hard plastic or not. If Wade thought she was theirs, then she was. Oh, well. It's not like it hurt much. If anything, she's helped greatly with his nightmares. This being said, the ones about her though were worse, but Logan would trade one bad dream a week for every night.

Wade gave him the baby, hesitant as Logan started patting. "Shut up little one. Your dads got work in the morning." He muttered to the doll, though Wade looked nervous. "Y-you're not patting her right, and you have to have your hand up-"

"Aye! I can pat her how ever I want. Huh? You like when I pat you?" In reality these questions were more towards Wade, trying to find the correct responses.

"She's still crying. You're being too rough!"

"What? Im patting the exact same way you were."

"Nu uh, that's too hard. You're gonna hurt her!"

Deep down, Logan knew this fear only stemmed from Wade himself being afraid of hurting her, but it still hurt to hear that he thought Logan would hurt the babydoll. (Unlike Mr. Drop her head on a bathroom sink and on concrete).

Grunting, He hands her back, rolling his eyes. "Well then, what does 'she' want?"

"She wants a mom" He whined, nuzzling the doll and kissing her head.

Logan was about to say "shes got a mom," but not really, Vanessa thought she was kinda creepy and only held her when Wade asked but was awkward. This made sense, seeing as she was going to give Wade a baby before things changed. Now that she thought about it, they weren't really in the best of the situation to have a baby back then either. Just.. dumb love, I guess. The fact that whenever she saw him play with kids, it made her hormones explode... (Logan understood this feeling a bit too well around August)

"Evie baby, please! Shhh.. shh. Why are you crying so much?!" These are the parts that worried him, just how frustrated he got with his own head.

"What's all this ruckus? Dont you know what time it is?"

Logan blinked, glancing to his husband. "Why didn't you lock the door?? Carly you need to knock."

"Nonsense. I heard trouble, and where there's trouble, there's Howlie."

"What?" Her logic seemed flawed. Wouldn't she want to stay away from him if he were trouble? Though- then again- were talking about a 86 year old jewish veteran amputee from Poland. Not much scared her. Including walking in on them- which she's done multiple times with little care, gathering laundry and then leaving as if nothing happened.

"... do you think she saw us?"

"Why is there so many clothes on your floor? Who raised you to be like this? Hogs?" She said.

"... I honestly think she dosn't give a fuck."

"I aspire to give that little of a fuck one day." Wade would say.

It made Logan cringe and shiver to think about. Ugh. He couldn't imagine how much she had seen of them and how she would pinch his cheeks not even 10 minutes later. God, she was so.. weird! But even in her wandering mind, he couldn't imagine putting her back in that nursing home. Besides- now Al had someone to be crotchety with and sit on the couch complaining about stuff with. She had even started taking Al with her to Synagogue despite her always saying it was bullshit, She enjoyed the time out of the house.

"So what is problem?" She asks, a hand on her hip, her leg lazily put on in a flowery nightie.

"Evelyn is crying, and it's stressing him out." Logan tells her, still watching as Wade paced and patted her bum.

"She wants her mom but she dosn't have a mom." Wade explained, bouncing a bit more as he shushed her.

"Oooh, let me see. Give me little Eve. I take her." She offers, used to Wade's antics by now. That or she was losing it and thought the doll really was a baby. Either way, Wade looked hesitant again. "Are you sure? J-just don't be too rough. Logan's too rough."

"Snitch." Logan grumbled, giving him a playful fist as if saying 'Snitches get stitches'.

"Come now, D'aawww mój anioł. Did that mean man hurt you? Awww, I know, laleczko. Sheyneh meydeleh." She coes, patting her back gentle enough to satisfy Wade into finally sighing of relief.

"So.. what was wrong with her?" Logan asks, seeing his husband finally settle down and flop himself against the bed in an exhausted "Fmph".

"You ain't got any tits sugar." Carly smiles, innocently. "Babys like busty chests. And that's just what you aint got."

Wade gasped, covering his mouth and giggling. "No way, you just said that. Loagies tits are the best!"

He scoffs, smirking. "At least mine are real."

"Perhaps she prefers plastic over flatness."

Wade then gasped again. "Oh, you did not just say that. Wolvie you gonna let her get away with that?"

Logan let out a snort. "Yeah. Sure. What am I supposed to do? Beat up a grandma?"

"You know, raddish, your papa is quite a coward. Even in war was cowardly. Won't even fight an elderly lady with a missing leg." She says to the doll, leaving to take her back to her room to 'watch' her for the night.

Shaking his head softly, Logan couldn't help but chuckle, feeling young again from the banter. Boot didn't change a bit. And it seems she never would. "No way, I've seen guys get sent to medic way too many times over that leg!"

"If you dont want Boot up your ass, don't talk from it!" She calls, the door clicking.

Giggling, Wade sprawls out in the bed. "Was she always this sassy?"

"Oh, im pretty sure she gets sassier with age.."

"Like good cheese."

"Sure, bub. Like good cheese." Pulling him close, he locks him in his arms, not wanting him up again until their alarm went off in the morning.

".. You're a good dad, Wade." He whispers, nuzzling into him, yawning.

"I love you too, peanut.."