#b99 hot take

[a-person-7002]

Small B99 rant. Spoiler for season 6

I've rewatched the series so many times, but every time I watch it, I can't help but be a little pissed off. I get that Holt wanted to open the email to find out if he was the commissioner with the squad but it pisses me off that Kevin wasn't there. He made so many sacrifices, watched his husband be discriminated against, and then isn't even there for the big moment when Holt finds out whether he got the job or not. I'm probably over thinking it but it pisses me off.

[crunchycrystals]

friends to himym to new girl are like. shows for each decade from the 90s to the 2010s that are literally just about people who are friends living life together. obviously himym has the "dad telling his kids the story of his life" but its really mostly just about the characters living life without a super big hook like scrubs, community, the office, or the good place

also super interesting to me that they really all ran for about a decade like friends was 1994-2004, himym picks up immediately after with 2005-2014 and new girl is 2011-2018. friends is pretty 90s most of the time, himym's in the middle but was mostly a 2000s show, and new girl is firmly a 2010s show

SOMETHING ELSE I REALIZED while writing this post was that they kind of show the shift between sitcoms with laugh tracks and sitcoms without ones. friends is pretty clowned on now for the laugh track but at least it's an actual live audience unlike the nickelodeon/ disney ones, himym was edited first and then shown to a studio audience but the laugh track is noticeably quieter than friends's track, and new girl is a single cam like most sitcoms now are

does seinfeld count as a show that's really just about people living their lives???? i haven't seen all of it but from the like 1.5 seasons ive seen i think it does???? and it started in 1989 up to like 1998 but that feels like a 90s thing to me

sorry for how long this is i was having Thoughts

[astrid-goes-for-a-spin]

Holt and Kevin are gay but not queer

[tenchikotheartist]

Frick it, we ball

KISMET HEADCANNONS for some future fan stuff I wanna make... Goes with this post kinda

Under a cut because it's LONG (the fixation has been REAL)

Gen

They band was formed shortly after the events of Trolls 1. It's the only way they make sense in my mind's timeline.

Branch was trying to get more involved with Troll village without relying on Poppy to connect him with people. He formed his own group of friends, and they became Kismet after realizing how much they enjoyed harmonizing/performing together.

These guys give me frat boy energy for some reason. They just collectively become more chaotic when they're around each other. Yes, even Branch. He and Hype play hot potato with the braincell because otherwise, nothing would get done in this group.

As they got to know one another, teasing one another became their primary love language. Lots of jabs and quips will fly among them when they're together, but they each know it's all in good fun.

Branch

Branch kept his involvement in the band a secret because, well...y'know. He has complicated history with being in a boyband, so he wanted to explore his feelings about Kismet without being bombarded with input from people outside the group.

He's fond of his friends and genuinely enjoys being a part of the band though! He just wants to be sure he's a part of this boy band because he's happy being with them and not because he's trying to recapture something he'd lost 20 years ago.

At first, the others were (understandably) hurt by Branch's desire to keep his place in the band a secret, but after he explained his reasons, they were willing to support him.

They were absolutely thrilled when he finally becomes open about the band though!

During the secrecy period, when he performs in Pop Village, he hides his identity behind a disguise that somehow works (Branch, every time it works: "wtf????"), and he goes by a stage name.

Hype

Officially the group leader, but he's more of a mediator than anything. He relies on the rest of the group to give their input for any big band decisions, but he coordinates band meetings, schedules gigs, and works out compromises if there's any group conflicts.

He and Branch had been childhood friends before The Incident(s) estranged them. Back in the Troll Tree, they'd been neighbors whose parents (Branch's grandma; Hype's mom) set up on frequent playdates, so they'd been really close.

They reconnected after the events of movie 1, Hype introduced Branch to Trickee and later Boom. Trickee brought in Ablaze and the rest was history.

Hype is a social butterly but he's otherwise one of the more calm personalities in the group. He feeds off of other people's energy and is a bit of a people-pleaser. Luckily, he's pretty good at finding the right crowd to run with, otherwise he'd probably land in so much trouble.

Boom

Hype's cousin, and a big party person! Before the band took off, he DJ'd at a party venue in Pop Village. That same place was also where Kismet got their first gig!

He loves loud music and flashy parties where he can shine on the dance floor and make memories people he may only know for a night.

Peak ADHD Energy™. He's a chatterbox. He has no volume control. He tunnel visions so hard, he becomes that B99 headphones meme. The man has cool guy syndrome, no doubt about it!

For the creation of the Band earliest albums, Boom took charge as the producer. He loves messing with music, mixing and remixing sounds on his free time and experimenting with the genre.

Trickee

A thrill-seeking menace to society. He's adventurous and loves taking huge risks for the adrenaline rush. He's the type of guy who would go down a waterfall in a barrel or ski down a dangerous mountain just to see if he survives it.

Everyone in the band is in agreement about protecting Trickee from his own shenanigans. They are 70% of his self-preservation senses.

He also loves a party scene and can often be found with Boom leading the charge towards any good time.

You know that sense of dread before performing in front of a crowd? The way your belly flips and your heart races and you're sure you're shaking hard enough for everyone to see? Trickee lives for that shit when he's in the band. The jitters can get to him, for sure, but afterwards, the man is LIVING from coming out alive on the other side, and he's sharing that thrill with everyone else in the band!

Ablaze

A Rock Troll who has lived among the Pop Trolls since he was a teenager. He stumbled across them while looking for a place to belong, and despite what he was raised to believe about Pop Trolls, he came to love their warmth and friendliness. So he moved in and let everyone assume he was just an odd-looking Pop Troll.

He an Trickee are housemates (podmates?)--not for romantic reasons but because they're longtime friends. When Trickee moved out of his family's home, Ablaze invited him over, and they liked the living arrangement enough to keep it permanent.

At first, Ablaze isn't open about his identity as a Rock Troll, but as he grew closer with the other members of Kismet, he came out to them. By the events of Trolls 2, he's open about being a Rock Troll.

Ablaze's personality sits somewhere in the realm of both chaotic and laid back. On the outside, he's usually pretty chill, but if Boom or Trickee have trouble afoot, Ablaze is usually there egging them on in the background, much to Branch's dismay.

He becomes extremely energetic when he's performing. The more exciting the song, the more vibrant he becomes! The energy is one of the reasons he loves pop music so much, but he can also get hyped from performing rock music. He gets kinda intense though lmao.

The first time the rest of Kismet sees him jamming to rock, they're like "OH. He's definitely a rock troll O_O" They support their rock-n-roll brethren 🤟😔

He has a special interest in fire, particularly fireworks. Back in Pop Village, he even made a business of it, making small rockets, sparklers, and other celebratory items for all your Pop party needs.

Anyway that's all the headcannon stuff I'll share for now. Hope y'all liked reading xD I'm really hoping my attention span will stick around long enough for me to share more in the future, because this fixation has been A Time™/pos

[ramennoodlezzzao3]

The outsiders as B99 scenes

Two-bit: listen Pone, it’s okay, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about

Ponyboy: I’m not embarrassed and I didn’t get mugged! Three men tried to mug me but I fought them off, injuring two of them!

Sodapop: Why would you keep this from me? 

Darry: And why would you lie about going to the library?

Dally: Because he couldn’t go! Because he’s injured!

Ponyboy: I wasn’t injured I was lightly stabbed

Darry: I’m sorry…you were STABBED?!

Ponyboy: Lightly Stabbed.

—————————

Dally: We called you in because your first contact with Tim was a disaster 

Johnny: Why? Because our “Kill it with kindness” approach backfired and he threatened to kill me?

Dally: Yes! Every single detail of what you just said!

—————————

Dally, who just got back from the reformatory: Alright, fill me in, tell me everything I missed

Johnny: won’t take long, only three things happened: Darry chipped his tooth and had a lisp for a week

Ponyboy: Number two, Two-bit and his mom accidentally wore the same outfit one day

Johnny: and Darry banned headphones inside the house due to the Sodapop incident

Dally: What’s the Sodapop Inci-

Steve: Don’t ask

—————————

Two-Bit: We’re Dr-dr-driven in a-

Both: CAR!

Dally: Destination: Drug Dealers-

Both: BAR!

Two-Bit: Pass the mic right over to-

Both: PONY

…

Two-Bit: we forgot Ponyboy….

…

Dally: but we can’t turn back because we’ve gone too far-ny!

Two-Bit: We have to turn back though, we can’t just leave him-

—————————

Two-Bit, standing outside the school: Wait for it…wait for it…9:01, Ponyboy Curtis is officially late for the first time ever. Alright, let’s do this, who’s got theories?

Steve: Uhm…alarm didn’t go off?

Two-Bit: all three alarms? All with battery backup? Come on, who wants to take this seriously!?

Johnny: Oh! He was abducted in his sleep!

Two-Bit: That’s what I’m talking about! Super dark, Jonnny, but way more plausible than Stevies idiotic alarm clock theory

Sodapop: I bet he tucked himself into bed too tight and got stuck

Steve: Maybe he fell into a different universe where he’s interesting 

Dally: It’s 9am, why arn’t yall inside the school?

Two-Bit: Pones a few minutes late and we’re all trying to find out why!

Dally: I’d like to play. I’d say he’s in line at the…DX!

Dally: This is fun

Two-Bit: it is fun, but you’re all wrong! He clearly slipped through a subway grade and is having a terrible make out sesh with a mole man!

Ponyboy: *comes running up to the school*

Steve: Ponyboy Michael, we were worried sick, Do you care to explain yourself?!

Ponyboy: I’m only 70 seconds late, don’t worry about it!

Dally: Pony, you will tell us and you will tell us how

Ponyboy while looking down: I was in line at the DX 

Dally: *Claps* HOT DAMN!

—————————

Steve: Do you remember what he was singing?

Johnny: I think it was the song “I want it that way”?

Steve: Backstreet Boys, I’m familiar…

Steve: Soc 1, could you please sing the opening to “I Want It That Way”?

Soc 1 who is currently tied to a chair with several other Socs as the gang surrounds them: Really?… okay *clears throat* You are my fire

Johnny: *Shakes head* 

Steve: Soc 2, Keep it goin’

Soc 2: The one desire

Steve: Soc 3

Soc 3: believe when I say

Steve: Soc 4!

Soc 4: I want it that way

Steve: tell me why!

All Socs: Ain’t nothing but a heartache

Steve: tell me why!

All Socs: ain’t nothing but a mistake

Steve: now Soc 5!

Bob: I never wanna hear you say~!

Steve: Yaooo!

All Socs: I want it that way!

Steve: Chills, literal chills!

Johnny: it’s Soc 5, Soc 5 drowned Ponyboy 

Steve: Oh, yeah, I forgot about that part-

[itsnotira]

HQ!! Inarizaki, but make it B99

KITA'S LATE?!

My Lovecore Playlist My Paradise~ Ask Box 'Bout Me

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°‧‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆

Atsumu: "Wait....wait...9:01, Mister No Gaps Kita Shinsuke, is officially late for the first time ever. Alright, let's do this, who's got theories?" Aran: "Uhm...alright...his alarm didn't go off?" Atsumu: "All THREE alarms all with battery backup? C'mon, who wants 'ta take this seriously?" Ginjima: "Oh, maybe he was taken, in his sleep..." Atsumu: "That's what 'm talkin' 'bout. Super dark Ginjima, but way more plausible than Alan's idiotic alarm clock theory." Suna: "I bet he tucked himself into bed too tight and got stuck." Osamu, mocking Atsumu: "Maybe he fell into another dimension where he's more interesting." Kurosu (the coach): "It's 9am, why is no one practicing?" Atsumu: "Mister Perfect Kita, is a few minutes late an' we're all tryin' ta' guess why." Kurosu: "Well I'd like to play. I'd say he's in line at the bank, this is fun." Atsumu: "It is fun, but yer all wrong. He clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having a terrible time." Kita shows up Atsumu: "There he is, Kita Shinsuke, where have ya been? We've been worried sick, do ya care to explain yerself!?" Kita: "I'm just 70 seconds late? It's not a big deal, don't worry about it." Kurosu: "Kita, you will tell us immediately." Kita: "There was a problem at the bank..." Kurosu: "Hot damn!" ‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°‧‧₊ Did you know: Aran's name is Alan Ojiro after translation. This most likely is because he is American-Japanese. There is a spinoff series called Haikyuu-buu which isn't written by Furudate but shows side stories. I think it was published in Jump at least the digital one. There are a few times Aran is shown and it's implied he's American. One of the Miya twins relates an American stereotype with his family and Aran gets angry about it. Also he is shown to own American flag underwear later.

[your-mommy-ems]

Hiii im Emma the amount of fandoms I'm in is concerning. The amount of books i'm writing at once is also concerning. Point is you should just be concerned, enjoy your stay at my blog - here is a piece of cake 🍰

-> Im Emma/Ems or whatever nickname u want to give me I love giving people nicknames and petnames. Basic info -> She/her, minor, capricorn, intj, australian, ferrari girl, i will defend my babies warnette and evajacks until i die, a believer in sarcasm, i post about my writing sometimes, sometimes - cause im too lazy to write, im an ambivert and a joey lynch and damon torrance defender

Books -> [series] The inheritance games, acotar, shatter me, the folk of the air, pjo [im new to the fandom] the prison healer, caraval, ouabh, dance of theives, divine rivals, boys of tommen, the lunar chronicles, the red queen, the naturals, six of crows, devils night, boys of tommen [standalone] Better than the movies, the do over, betting on you (basically anything by lynn painter), the cheat sheet, powerless, the summer of broken rules and A LOT more. 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 Music -> taylor swift, gracie abrams, [recently getting into] maisie peters, tate mcrea, sadie jean, a little of lana del rey, chase atlantic, artic monkeys, guns and roses, conan gray. my music is all over the place lmao. 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 Movies/tv shows -> friends, b99, babysitters club, alexa and katie, fuller house, now you see me 1&2, oceans 11,12&13, knives out 1&2, mamma mia, adam project, red notice, enola holmes, and pretty much most chick flicks 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 Other -> rain <3, christmas, baking/cooking, art -> I paint, sketch, and draw, whenever I feel like it. I mostly draw though. 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 Moodboards -> I love making moodboards here is the masterlist 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝Writing -> i have a few side blogs but my public writing blog is @the-ballad-of-us and i also have a secret one see if you can find it ;)

Misc -> my dream life is to runaway to paris or new york and open up a bookstore/cafe/flower shop. (and to be the rich hot aunt the everyone loves), I want to travel when I'm older! [places] -> London, Paris, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Sweden, Germany, New York, Bahamas, Japan, Korea, and a bunch more!, I spend an unhealthy amount of time on Pinterest and Tumblr, 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 -> If we're moots, we're best friends, no takes backs. -> I over use lmao, lol, <3, :), and 😭 too much. im trying not to come on too strong and be rude lol (right there see? perfect example) -> My Wattpad -> My Pinterest -> I love talking to new people, and asks and dms (only for minors unless i agree to it :)) are always open <3 -> i most likely won't follow you back if you don't have an intro post, but if you want to get to know me just send me an ask :) 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

Special people ->@skeelly - kris, @percabeths-blue-cookies - har, @a-beautiful-fool - lou lou, @moonlightt444 - mare bear, @nqds - nadsies, @mqstermindswift - nicky, @lost-in-reveriie - addy, @art-of-fools - mr o'hare, @reminiscentreader - jas, @myster3y - my wifey kiara, @sophiesonlinediary - soph, @deprivedofbraincellsandsleep - zia, @runwiththerain - ives, @doyoujustnotwantto - mihane, @that-multi-fandom-hijabi - nova my world manipulation partner, @hijabi-desi-bookworm - esme, @gergthecat - scout, @baboland - aria, @missedyour21st - fay, @daydream-of-a-wallflower - kat + all my other moots that i didn't tag but rlly wanted too [if you want to be added or removed just let me know!! <333

𓆝 this is a safe space for everyone!! ↳ Dni - if you're a racist, homophobe, sexist, pedos, ect..

love ya all <3

Emma

[saltygilmores]

Since you love dark theories, have you heard of this one: Dean and his family are in witness protection program? I mean why would they relocate from Chicago to Stars Hollow otherwise? They had no family nearby and I don't believe there are more job opportunities than in Chicago. Dean never tells us a reason and we know nothing about him. As you pointed out his personality also keeps changing- first he's a motorcycle riding bad boy who is also well-read, then he's a meathead jock that plays softball, then he is suddenly into hockey... could be that he is playing a character but can't decide what it should be? I saw the episodes of B99 where Jake and Holt were in witness protection and they were forced to change their identities down to their favorite movie and sexuality.

OMG I haven't heard that one before, that's wild! And it makes sense! lol. That's going into the Theory Vault for sure..You're absolutely right, it's very suspect how he seemed to drop into town out of nowhere. Like, who MOVES from a place like Chicago to STARS HOLLOW? His dad "Sold speakers" (or something like that) which is already kinda sketchy kind of job (I keep thinking of one of those shady dudes who tries to hawk speakers from the trunk of a car). Was Dad involved with some shady people and he suddenly had to take his family on the run from the law? it's not like there was a booming stereo business in Stars Hollow that he'd have to relocate the family for work. You're either born in Stars Hollow and live there forever or you're forcibly relocated there (Jess) there's no in between. How do the Forresters have such a huge home on only one meager speaker-guy income? Shady! Lane apparently gets some hot gossip about Dean, like how he had a long term girlfriend back in Chicago, which is insane and not at all believable. What kind of idiot would be stupid enough to date Dean for years *cough cough*. This was definitely a script given to Dean from the Witness Protection Bureau. I do have other theories about Dean's origins. Like how his parents don't love him and they've tried to abandon him on the side of the road during family vacations but he keeps finding his way back home. Maybe they moved to the middle of nowhere hoping to lose him for good and no one would know or care he was missing but he still managed to worm his way into polite society.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Captain Holt Plots (B99): RIP Andre Braugher

Andre Braugher 1962-2023

So as if this year hadn't piled enough death on me.. yesterday Andre Braugher of Brooklyn 99 fame died. Braugher was a comedic genius, great at drama and it's sad to see him go just as his career was having one hell of a second act.

Figuring out how to honor Andre.. was tough. I didn't have time for a full review of some of his best episodes, a story arc or the normal things i'd do, and a list of just Holt's best moments wouldn't really portray the characters depth. Don't get me wrong there's a LOT of hilarious little holt moments from "Hot damn!" to "Bam had it both ways" but it just didn't do the character justice. Holt was a character funny for his stoicism, his outburst of emotion clashing with that, and his chemistry with just about everyone on cast.

So I found a comprimise, something small I could do before my two bigger reviews this week, but something that still pays full service to what a great character Raymond Holt was... and how much of it was Braugher's amazing comedic timing and great dramatic talent. Ray MIGHT of existed without Captain Holt, but he wouldn't of been such a JOY to watch every time if it weren't for Braugher.

So I picked my 12 faviorite plots starring Captain Holt. Husband, Captain, Robot. Meeep Morp.

12. VINDICATTTTITOOOOOONNNN (Episode: Monster in the Closet)

Look a lot of this subplot making it here is this moment, from the fist pump to just how Braugher plays the word like an instrument, but the plot itself is comedy gold: Rosa Diaz, bisexual icon, is having a rush wedding to absentee boyfriend and human disaster Adrian Pimento, who returned after months in hiding the way anyone having a normal one does: by hiding in a child's closet.

Naturally this wedding didn't end up happening.. but it did bring us one of Holt's best running gags: his love of balloon arches. It's something that makes perfect character sense: he's a perfectionist, he loves art, and it's just weird enough to still be funny while not so weird you can't understand why Holt would be doing this. Holt pettily popping the ballons when crticized and going into a creative tailspin over minor critcisims is just gold and the payoff, him getting his VINDIIIICAAAATTTIOOOONNNNNN is both sweet.. and purespun gold from the highest of heavens.

11. The Disco Strangler Returns (He Said She Said) One of the serious episodes of the series, dealing with Amy and Jake tackling a sexual harassment case and Amy revealing her own assault, was paired with one of the series silliest, funnest b-plots.

This one COULD be here just on the strength of "And you'll here it again" but has way more to offer as Holt chases down his former nemesis the Disco Strangler after he seemingly dies, convinced he's alive while Terry and Boyle are convinced he just can't accept his enemey's death. Turns out their wrong though as the Strangler is alive, worked his groovy voodoo on a way younger woman and has one of the funniest scenes in the show as Holt TRIES to have a big action hero final talk with his nemisis.. only for the man to be largely deaf. It's a gag that shoudln't work but Baugher's commitment to the bit carries it, as does the reality of the strangler being so old and feeble hitting Raymond about his own mortality.

10. The Heists (Various Episodes)

Yeah this one's a bit of a cheat as it was hard to pick just one Heist Plot: After the first two their largely ensemble pieces. But it'd also be criminal to ignore just how SERIOUS Holt takes the annual halloween heists, from training his dog for them, to calling a fake replacement for Cheddar (the goodest of boys) "This bitch?", the Heists brought out the pettiest, hammiest parts of holt and the best of Braugher's comedey from threatning to slit his two protege's "from head to anus and wear them as a jacket", to his flight of the valkyries entrance, Holt was always a delight.

9. Pie (Two Turkey's) The shows final thanksgiving gave us it's best thanksgiving plot, and a nice spotlight on Holt's relationship with his Husband , kevin. Holt's queerness was baked into the character, being why it took him so long to climb the latter and why Kevin takes ab it to warm up to his new coworkers, as most of Ray's past coworkers were racist, homophobic or both. Holt and Kevin were just as weirdly stoic, with Mark Evan Jackson having great chemistry with Braugher.

The couple also just had their own weird things such as getting a special pie every year to get a pie for thanksgiving and finding the hours spent in dead silence on the trip deeply romantic.

Said pie is also what sets off the plot as it goes missing and Holt blames the presicnt and goes into full petty holt mode, one of the best kinds of holt. HOlt isn't the only star here as near constant fuckups and wallpaper Hitchcock and Scully prove useful for once as Holt investigates Rosa, Terry and Boyle. We get great moments from the three too as Boyle calls his own son "a basic bitch" and Rosa reveals an embarassing minons t-shirt as she rebonds with her family post jailtime.

Holt interogating everyone and going full ham would be enough to land it here.. but what elevates it to this slot is the ending: Holt finds out the culprit was Kevin, who hates the pie but would miss the drive. HOlt suggests simply.. taking the drive for fun and Kevin is super horny for that. It's adorable, sweet and a great capper to one of the shows best subplots.

8. Let's Never Talk About Anything (Stakeout)

This is a quick one as it's mostly on the comedy but it's a scenario that's both deeply, deeply funny, and involves one of the shows best duos: Rosa, the stoic bicon herself, and Holt. Both being stoic queer persons, they naturally get along great. And of course it's natural Rosa ends up the one in a very awkward situation through almost no fault of her own: Holt brings his cardboard standee of a human being Nephew named Marcus, whose staying with him for some reason never elaborated upon because Marcus is here for one thing: to date rosa and have one of the best awkward morning afters EVER: He tries to sneak rosa out.. only for Holt and Kevin to naturally both be up, and his using her full name and mild confusion are just.. great. The wrap up, that Rosa and Holt are both FINE not talking about this or anything ever, is great. The followup plot with the two forced into a dinner is fine, but this first interaction and the two being on the same stoic page is gold.

7. Apparently That's a Trigger For Me (The Box)

This is another one that has a strong moment couched in, but really the Box is just a very strong episode, a tense 22 minutes as Jake and Holt team up to try and get a confession out of a local dentist played by sexiest man alive Sterling K Brown, who does great getting under their skin, including with said doctor bit as Docterates are a bit of a trigger for Holt. the episodes fantastic chess match between our faviorite duo and Brown is just fun to watch and it's only this low because Jake gets the big finale. But Holt's oh damns are still vital. As is his over the top reservation cancelation. God bless this man. I miss you andre.

6. They never actually said No (Full Boyle)

Like, really, ALL of these there's a classic gag couched in here as Holt explains how he formed his black gay and lesbian police orginzation: he pitched it to his fellow entirely white and certainly straight cops who laughed their asses off.. then went ahead and got the funds since they were too busy being jackassses to say no. Dark, hilarious, and perfectly showing just how much shit holt's been through trying to get here.

And that background helps shape this plot which while not laugh FREE is mostly anchored on the good Captain's character journey: when a younger officer plans to challenge holt for predsency, Holt, as you'd expect digs in and refuses. He's not at full ham yet, but he's still fully willing to fight tooth and nail for this, that after all he had to go just to make this group, brian wouldn't understand

It's Gina of all characters who points out that's why he made the group. So younger officers wouldn't have to go through that. Brian has new ideas to genuinely improve and open up the doors for more queer black officers, and Holt recognizes that and steps aside.. though if he screws up he will impeach him. He's happy for him but he will impeach him.

5. I've Glanced At His Work Satchel (The Honeypot)

This episode's a-plot is just one long hilaroius bit of holt deadpanning as he gets a new assitant to replace Gina.. only to find the guy flirting with him. Having his tie slightly ajar and inviting him to a barrel museum counts as flirting in Holt's book. Turns out Gordon is a spy for our heroes latest nemisiss, corrupt comissioner kelly, and this brings this plot to ahead as finding out, and getting evidence hw as actively spying on them finally gets rid of the old bastard. It's a nice payoff.. but it's really here because Holt declaring a barrel museum an erotically charged atmosphere is classic deadpan holt. If you want premium deadpan holt, this is your episode.

4. Terry Come Here and Dangle Me Off the Edge of this Building (Bad Beat)

This episode is one of my faviorites, having both a lot of rich character stuff for holt.. and a lot of funny deadpan for holt.

This ep reawakens something that's mostly come up previously as a joke: holt had a serious gambling addiction in his past and when Jake and Terry come to him for help with a poker case, Holt's forced to join in as the two have obvious tells.

Holt's relapse is a nice mix of hilaroius and deeply troubling: he's betting on childrenj's gymnastics (No jayla don't drop the baton!) runs up to the roof when the pagent's cut off and as seen above wants Terry to dangle him over a roof.. Braugher does a hell of a job threading a very narrow needle here: Hotl's antics are funny, but still jarring enough to be worrying.. .and the laughter stop when Jake pulls the one card he has... he'll tell kevin, an idea alone that DEVISTATES holt as he can't put kevin through that again.

Unfortunately it's not THAT easy as Holt goes rogue.. then nearly gets captured, having to use improper grammar and admitting he needs help. Ther'es no easy answers here and while granted Holt's addiction never comes up again.. it's a sign addiction dosen't go away easily and everyone needs help.

3. The System (Moo Moo) Props to Brooklyn 99 as depsite being a cop show, it pointed out many a problem in the NYPD and police in general long before George Floyd made it too loud to ignore for us white dumbasses.

This episode is the main showcase of that: while the show had plenty of corrupt cops for our heroes to foil, Moo Moo shows the system ITSELF is broken and ther'es no easy answer to fix it.

The setup is simple, heartbreakingly common, and painful: Terry goes out at night in his nice neighborhood looking for one of his daughters "moo moo", her faviorite toy.. only to get accosted by a police officer, with only the fact he IS an officer making this end well.

Terry does try to handle this peacefully, inviting the guy to lunch, and trying to explain why racial profiling him like that was fucking awful. The officer dosen't listen, only thinks he was wrong because Terry is also a cop, and is generally a dick.

This leaves terry, who has a promotion on the table, with a fairly simple path: report the son of a bitch. Except .. HOlt dosne't send it in. Holt wants Terry to stay quiet, so Terry can get promoted. it's one of the oldest fights in a broken system: Should you make noise and take care of something horrible immdeitly, or stay quite and let harm go on so you can do more good later. The latter is clearly Holt's go to not out of corruption but out of survival: as a black gay cop, he had no real allies for the longest time, and thus had to simply keep his nose to the ground and work his way up to where he had real power. Terry on the other hand, argues, rightly that he dosen't want another man like him to go through this, one without a badger and that his career... simply isn't worth more innocnet black men being arrested falsely. There isn't an easy resolution with both acknowlding each others point: Holt supports terry and gets the guy fired, but Terry is passed over impliclty as a result and admits he could've impacted more change. Terry still did the right thing.. but it wasn't the easy thing. Police.. .simply aren't set up to properly police themselves and change is needed and it was noble of b99 to point that out without going over the top with it.

2. BOONNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE (The Skyfire Cycle)

Okay look while this plot is good on it's own (I"m teaching father the math!) it's up this high ENTIRELY due to the Bone Scene. You've seen it, i've seeen it, it's the reason this plot goes from "pretty good" with Rosa seeing through holt's math problem to his marital issues and need to get laid, and Amy trying hard to impress her dads and acting lik ea grossed out child anytime holt's sex life comes up. This bit belongs to braugher.. but you NEED Beatriz and Fumero to set it up so perfectly and react so great to it.

Rosa being rosa just comes out and says "You just need to bone" and holt LOOOSES IT.

Every line from that moment is pure poetry from Braugher's mouth, from his squeaky "what'dyousay" to his shakesperean "hooooowww dare you detective diaz I AM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER." and of course his glorious shouts of BONE and BONNNNENEEEEE while he VIBRATES ON HIS DOORFRAME. His quick yups in the resolution are the cheery on top of the greatest comedy sundae ever conducted by man. Sports. This subplot hinges on one joke.. but when it's the series best joke, it's REALLY hard to argue. It's only not #1.. because our #1 is CRAMMED with jokes near this level.

Ding Dong The Wuntch Is Dead (Ding Dong)

Ding Dong is one of my faviorite episodes of B99. Even it's subplot's grown on me with Terry bending a quarter in mid air and the strawberry basket. But let's face it while the subplot is.. kay, it's the main event that makes it a classic and when I do the inevetible top 12 list, possibly for feburary, this episode is almost guarnateed a spot for damn good reason.

If your wondering why I haven't brought up Holt's legendary rivarly with Madeline Wuntch it's because while their all fucking gold, their teid into larger plots. And while this one kinda is, with Wuntch's death wrapping up Holt's time as a patrol officer, it's really just there to sned the character off and give us one of the funniest episodes in human history.

Everything about Holt's petty rivarly with Wuntch that makes it one of the best thigns in the show is on display here and the shock I had to the opening of ding dong was palpable: Holt's making his usual jabs, calling her a korean tolilet ghost (and having gone to korea just to find new monsters to call her).. before Terry, trying and failing to head this off drops the bomb: Wuntch is dead. Naturally Holt dosen't buy it, assuming we'd hear the children singing (all the childrne everywhere), and having to see her body for himself. Given their rivarly and what an elaborate scheme Wuntch left FOR her funeral, it's not hard to see why.

What follows is the very best of petty holt from the glory that is BAGEL, BAGEL, to his assumption ET is a monster because "he caused quite a comotion), Baugher is at his PEAK this episode comedically, handeling his Rival's death with joy and too many lines to count, with Amy's horror and Rosa's unabashed joy at his pettiness being perfect bounce off points.

Add in comedy legend Micheal Mcdonald as Wuntch's nephew playing her rival, a fake funeral and an attempted funmeral full of balloon arches and bright pastels and you have one of the greatest peices of televesion comedy ever. Rest in peace Andre.... your dearly missed.

[nhularin]

TUMBLR.COM

SYNOPSIS being a writer is hard, especially when you're a hardcore stan on tumblr.com. so when the legendary niki writer disappeared out of the blue, the readers were naturally heartbroken! but! what happens when their beloved nishirikithinker got revealed as THE yn of the hot new girl group?!

!! NIKI (rikiminaj) 05' liner, a rat, his number one bullying victim is sunoo (shouldve picked a weaker victim like jay), on stan twt, posted unreleased pictures of enhypen on a fan acc and the whole fandom went CRAZY! dancer, maknae!

!! HEESEUNG (parkchaeyoung1) 01' liner, in love with rose, like its concerning, has her as his desktop wallpaper and prays to mother chaeyoung before a match, jake is his discord kitten, vocalist, dancer!

!! JONGSAENG (jayyyy_park_en) 02' liner, considered exposing sunghoon to dispatch, not because hes dating but bc hes sick in his mind, jungwons number on supporter, vocalist!

!! JAKE (jakeperalta) 02' liner, reports accs for fun, got niki banned three times, loves b99 bc of andy (me too jake me too), unplugs hee's pc while he games, vocalist!

!! SUNGHOON (sungthathoon) 02' liner, questionable creature, wonyoung is sickkkk of him, gives fanservice to his damn members, leaves the gc for funsies, the members didnt add him back so hes all #alone, vocalist!

!! SUNOO (sunwhoah) 03' liner, loves causing drama, owns a fanpage for olivia and taylor swift, takes unflattering pics of niki and sends them to enhalab, vocalist and cutie!

!! JUNGWON (yanggarden) 04' liner, wishes he debuted in txt instead of enhypen, claims to be normal but beefs with moas on the tl, used to write jungkook fanfics on wattpad, leader, vocalist!

prev <- MASTERLIST -> next

TAGLIST open! @neighborhae @cha3w0n-hearts @misokei @avocarua @sayescomfortplace @luvistqrzzz @he4rtsforjihoon @jmluvclub @porcelain-moths @wonqr @hyhees @kjrcrz @ilurvriki @luvrgirlkumi @suvgs @cha0thicpisces @mitsukifilms @saintriots @wqsty @ggggghost @backintomykpopphaseagain @eumppattv @tiissue @miko1ly @lunavixia @byunrieu @leep0ems @mrchweeee

[bitchimasnake-sss]

lovely to meet you, hope you like drama <3

MOTHERFUCKER I AM BACK

vix. 19. she/her. hyperfixated on a few fandoms at a time.

current hyperfixation: one piece, jjk

current fandoms (if you wanna talk about them with me lol): one piece (my beloved), jjk, sxf, aot, kny, horimiya, kaguya-sama: love is war, b99, soc and many more lmao

my masterlist! about sending in requests!

note/rules: 💗 im currently taking requests. you can send them in (both sfw/nsfw)!! i am really bad with uploading reqs on time, so, im really really sorry if i make you wait! I am currently swamped with personal stuff, so i am accepting prompts but i will not be uploading requests rn [not until the end of may], so, please have patience in case you send something!

💗i struggle writing original characters. so, requests having ocs are pretty hard for me. chances are i wouldn't be able to do them well, so i avoid them entirely.

💗and ofcourse, if your request involves themes/characters that i'm not comfortable with then i won't do them either. (or like, i have not yet come across law's character, so, i cannot write law rn even if i wanted to) but thankyou so much for sending the req!!

💗 if you have drama to share plz do (i love hot, scalding tea), dm me and we can talk shit together lmaoo. the messages are always open aswell incase you wanna drop by and have a chat lol <3

and always remember, at the end of the day, murder is okay (as long as you don't get caught) and don't be a fucking creep 👍

[running-with-the-feels]

as a lover of drunk kuai liang i need those headcanons 🤲

mwahahahaha yeeeeeeeessssss

complete lightweight, his only advantage is his size but still, he's gonna have trouble walking very quickly

Favorite drink is a cider bc it tastes like juice and isn't too strong, he likes apple ciders best

Has stages of drunkenness that Johnny has dedicated many hours of research to categorizing (think of it like amy from b99)

Stage 1: Tipsy Statue, he's feeling the effects of the alcohol but refuses to let anyone realize that so he just stays as still and quiet as possible (forgets to blink too, which is the give away)

Stage 2: Loosey Goosey, very relaxed now, will laugh more easily and kinda forgets that he's trying to hide the fact that he's a little drunk. Also gets tactile, like he'll lean against ppl and his need for personal space is drastically reduced.

Stage 3: Koala Bear, all inhibitions thrown to the wind, becomes a total chatterbox, Will sit on someone's lap (usually Hanzo's) and can also be easily convinced to dance nightclub style, much to his horror in the morning

Stage 4: Bed Time, now struggling to walk and stay awake (bc too much alcohol makes him very sleepy) one of the defenders (again, usually Hanzo) is charged with taking him home and putting him to bed.

Kuai Liang once spent two whole hours at one of Johnny's parties sitting in Hanzo's lap, resting his head on the guy's shoulder and playing with his hands. Hanzo was oddly silent during the entire exchange (wonder why)

Johnny used to take videos of his drunken shenanigans (rare tho they might be) until Kuai Liang broke his phone and threatened his kneecaps. Johnny has since backed off.

Has only actually been convinced to dance nightclub style twice (both times by Johnny) and the only reason it hasn't happened more often is because dude rarely drinks.

Hanzo spent the entirety of both situations watching and trying desperately to fight back the urge to either a) drag him off the dance floor and away from Johnny bc Jealous or b) go up there and join him which no amount of alcohol can get him to do.

Chatty, drunk Kuai Liang is so chatty, he's fully just lost his brain to mouth filter so he will just Say Shit. Most of the time its either complimenting Hanzo, thanking Jax and Johnny for their friendship, or insulting Raiden.

He also gets giggly, like everything is funny and he can't stop laughing.

never gets hangovers (or if he does, no one can tell) and everyone is jealous.

Tho he isn't one to be easily embarrassed, he is always mortified that the defenders have seen him drunk after the fact, which is part of why he doesn't drink often. The other and main reason is bc he doesn't like having his faculties compromised

Did once wake up in Hanzo's bed after one of Johnny's parties, panic, and race out of the house shirtless (bc he couldn't find it and heard footsteps coming) only to be told that Hanzo had tried to take him to the Lin Kuei temple instead but Koala Bear Kuai Liang refused to let go of Hanzo for even a second and so eventually (bc he needed to sleep damnit) Hanzo just gave up and brought him back to the Shirai Ryu to sleep there.

"How did I end up shirtless then?" "You said it was, quote, 'too fucking hot in here,' ripped your shirt off, and then wraped around me like an octopus" "..........."

That's all I've got rn, but I can think of more, lemme know if y'all want em.

[mairaiscarrierofthepaperclips]

Maira Live Reacts!

Read a fic, had some thoughts... Bon appetit.

About a quarter of the way through Descendants of Cyrano by the fantastic @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels I decided to write notes in a kind of live-reaction reading.

Mads, this is for you. Thank you for writing this amazing fic. ❤️

(Spoilers within, read at your own risk!)

I meant to save this as a draft as I was worried about posting it, but Technology™️ intervened, so, here it is? I guess?

Me: *reads scene (Imbolc loves Atton to the core)*

*literally throws phone (It's fine, there was a pillow)*

Me: Fuck me dead, he did not just-

My fiancé: Fic?

Me: Fic. Christ.

*~*

*me reading the scene from between my fingers a la Chimney*

Me: I can't I can't I can't

*~*

Me, to my cat who is asleep on my lap: Evie, boys are dumb.

Evie: *twitches ear*

Me: I'm so glad you agree.

*~*

*the session after The Sexting*

Me: Oh MY god.

Me: Just... come on.

*~*

*after the in-game fight, when Buck comes over*

Me: OH! MY! GOD! YOU! BOTH! LOVE! EACH! OTHER! JUST! SAY! IT! AAAAAH!

*~*

'There's not point in going only halfway to Hell' Me: Boy, you ain't wrong, damn. Get it.

*~*

Me, after the blowjob against the wall scene, literally face-palming over Buck thinking EDDIE ONLY DID IT IN CHARACTER FOR THE GAME like, baby honey sweetie... No.

*~*

... You realise you both admitted you had to 'clean up' after that, right? Right?!

*~*

*hits them both (lovingly) with a clue-by-four* Y'ALL!

*~*

"Can I kill him?"

"I'd rather you didn't."

🤣

I can hear Bobby's deadpan delivery and it is *chef's kiss*

*~*

... Crossroad's demon? Really?

*~*

*Eddie's speech to the Wives of Hell*

Me:... No, no, I'm fine, I'm not sobbing, it's cool.

Me: Oh, no, it's getting too real, oh, gods.

Me: FUCK YES A NAT 20!

*~*

Xedgin called, they want their paladin back.

*~*

*panicking at the thought of the 118 breaking up because of retirement or other captaincies and knowing those are good reasons but still wanting to cry*

*~*

Gold star for that reference indeed.

*~*

'Marry me.'

Me: What the FU-

Evie: *in cat* Mother, do stop yelling, I am sleeping.

Jesus H Christ, Mads, I can't believe you actually went through this as an actual campaign and SURVIVED, my god.

*~*

*keeps reading*

*squeaks at how much they fucking love each other*

*~*

Y'all we're in this temple for the wedding and I'm waiting for one of them to straight up go 'I can't do this' and walk out of the game because it hurts too much and they want it to be real.

*~*

BOBBY MADE POPCORN! 🤣

*~*

Simultaneously weeping and giving heart eyes and feeling my heart break because Eddie thinks he doesn't deserve to say this IRL.

*~*

Oh, Eddie Diaz, my beloved.

(Could say that about the whole fic, but, specifically here)

*~*

'He was bound to slip up' oh this bodes well.

*~*

*gasps* Oh nooooo.

*~*

OH SNAP!

*~*

My boy Eddie Diaz, y'all. I'm so proud.

*~*

I take it back, I choked on my tea when he said the core line TO BUCK IRL I WAS NOT PREPARED!

*~*

“If you say intelligence was my dump stat…”

🤣

*~*

Okay the 'so hot it's almost cold' thing? I get that too, and the one person I told gaslit me about it, saying it was impossible and I was making it up, so I never told anyone again and now I am Holt from B99 yelling vindication! dot gif.

*~*

THAT REVEAL! *dies laughing*

*~*

Seriously, can't stop cackling.

*~*

Watching Chimney have an aneurysm shouldn't be this entertaining.

*~*

Ofc Bobby figured it out, he's the real MVP.

*~*

My heart, right in the feels, damn.

*~*

Fucking great last line.

*~*

And oh good, your friends admitted it, thank all the gods.

*~*

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics With Titles That Start With B (3) Masterlist

Links last checked: October 26th, 2024

part one, part two

baby, if you wanna try (ao3) - sunflowerwitches (orphan_account)

Summary: wearing jewellery doesn't work in phil's favour when he sees friends that he hasn't seen in a while and they automatically assume he's engaged. engaged to dan

baby, you could be the death of me (ao3) - manchestereye

Summary: “don’t make this weird, idiot. stop looking at my ass when we crawl.”

dan and phil are detectives who “hate” each other.

or, b99 au (kinda) and dnp are sarcastic little shits that spiraled a rivalry over some misunderstandings.

Back Seat Bingo (ao3) - existingcourage

Summary: Phil, a young television and radio personality lands Dan, an upcoming producer as a co-worker. Friendship is inevitable, but what happens when life, love, and fear gets in the way? A 1950’s Phan AU.

Back To Zero (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: One weekend, one house, five people, a recent breakup; Dan wasn't exactly thrilled, but he was going to show up for his friend, even if it meant having to share a bed with a stupid guy that sided with the even stupider guy that broke his friend's heart.

Bad at Being Straight (ao3) - Masterread

Summary: Ace!Phil and very gay Dan slowly realizing they may be more than friends, but Phil's not entirely sure how that's going to work out...

Bang Me Like Those Drums (ao3) - Analphancones

Summary: Phil is the drummer of a band, but how will the lead singer, Kevin, feel when he walks in on Phil banging his younger brother Dan as hard as Phil bangs his drums?

Barbie Horse Adventures (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Sometimes friends force you to get over your worst fears, sometimes you meet your soulmate in the process.

Bardic Inspiration (ao3) - dickiegreenleaf

Summary: Dan is a travelling bard looking for a safe place for him and his beloved horse to spend the night. Thankfully, the local tavern owner, Phil, can offer him one.

Because of Reasons (ao3) - adorkablephil (kimberly_a)

Summary: There’s always a reason why … so they come up with compromises. Or, Dan and Phil go out for a fancy dinner to celebrate Phil’s birthday.

been about you, since i met you. (ao3) - smallbump

Summary: Dan is the boy at school that makes Phil's heart jump and do a flip at the same time.

begin and never cease (ao3) - palomeheart

Summary: Dan is a grumpy second year law student living with reclusive, perpetual grad student named Phil. When the holiday season brings out a side of Phil that Dan’s never seen before, Meanwhile, when Phil finds out Dan hates all things festive, he makes it his goal to change Dan’s mind before Christmas. And also to find the perfect mince pie.

be sure to ring the doorbell (ao3) - frostbitten_cheeks

Summary: Dan’s a tired sports reporter. Phil’s a friendly vampire with no real sense of boundaries, a propensity for bad Dracula jokes and a habit of leaving his unconscious victims in Dan’s kitchen. This isn’t how Dan thought courtship goes, but he’ll take it.

be the shift of cornerstone (ao3) - frostbitten_cheeks

Summary: Japan is eight days of sushi and beauty and unwinding and Dan thinking of marriage far more than is necessary.

Black And White (And Screaming Color) (ao3) - mysticstargirl

Summary: the one where Dan is a teenager admitted to the hospital after his lung cancer hits a particularly nasty bump, and he hates it- but a beaming, beautiful, bright-eyed nurse named Phil Lester makes everything a bit better.

Dan is shades and layers of grey-black-white, but Phil is screaming color. The world is printer ink on cheap paper, Dan is thick, messy acrylic paint on rough paper, and Phil is pastel, watercolor stains on hot pressed canvas.

Everything fades with time, even masterpieces.

black butterflies and deja vu (ao3) - kae_karo

Summary: Once upon a time...there was a little boy, his name was- well, that’s not important. There was a little boy, and he didn’t have lots of friends.

But don’t worry, this isn’t a sad story, even though it sounds like it, I promise.

blue can be kind, too (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: A tale of being scared, starting fresh, and making your first ever friends after experiencing violent bullying.

Or rather, four-year-old Dan's first day at his new kindergarten.

Breeze (ao3) - sarahjean

Summary: Usually Dan is the one sitting awake at ungodly hours of the morning quietly pondering all the usual things. Death, our career, our future and so many other things. Now it’s my turn. For me, I always lead towards our future. Our lives after this second tour is over. The plans we made over a glass or two of wine. All the big things that are incredibly amazing to think about.

Bring Me Home From Hell (ao3) - the_unwritten_ruler

Summary: It’s an important moment for Dan when he finally perfects the ritual for summoning a demon, but he gets a lot more than he bargained for when he sets the creature loose on his life.

Broke, Gay and New in Town (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan Howell was in dire need for a change - he hated his job and his life and he just felt stuck. His grandfather’s letter was a blessing that came with an incredible gift: A farm. Dan had no idea how to run a farm but he was willing to give it a try.

He arrived in Stardew Valley with few expectations but even so, he could never have imagined he would encounter magic, otherworldly creatures, corporate conspiracies, so many queer villagers, a secret destiny and right at the centre of it all the love of his life.

broken porcelain (put me back together baby) (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Dan wakes up - in pain, in little tiny pieces he can't make any sense of.

And Phil's out for the day, not there to take care of him while he lays in bed, contemplating the universe and why his goddamn brain has to spread its pain to the rest of his body on his worst of days.

[snezus-christ-risen]

I couldn’t not invite Rosa to the fic reunion party. More B99, another spruced up old fic of yore that I missed and wanted to share here. There is almost male sneezing, and absolutely positively no female sneezing whatsoever unless you want to get gut punched by a former ballerina. 🩰

For their ten year friendaversary, Rosa took Jake to lunch in her car. Lunch was candy and convenience store coffee, so the ride was the real treat. Rosa never let anyone in her car - it was her first car, bought with her own money, so she cherished it even more than her bike. She would probably give Hitchcock a ride down the block before she let Jake in there for one second with his sticky toddler fingers. But today was special, she supposed, so she stocked up on baby wipes and made sure the passenger side seatbelt was still in working order.

"Nothing messy," she instructed him when they got to their favorite corner store. "Or blue."

"You do realize how much that limits my options," Jake said.

"You do realize I've been tolerating you for an entire decade and it can all stop today."

He looked at her like she'd taken his hand and placed it directly on a hot stove top. "Wow, Rosa... that was harsh."

"No blue," she repeated, unwavering.

Of course she wasn't surprised to find some frozen green and purple concoction in her cup holder ten minutes later. Leave it to Mr. Rules-Were-Made-To-Be-Broken to find a loophole. "Looks like someone put Barney in a blender," she deadpanned, eager to get back on the road. Jake had spent an unnecessary amount of time of perusing the candy bars and he didn't even get any.

"It's some crazy grape flavor," he said, after taking a sip and making a face. "Blue is my preference, but... you know."

"If a single drop of that touches any part of this car-"

"Hey, I'll be careful," he said, cutting her off before she could get to the scariest part of the threat. "It's my friendaversary gift to you."

"Wow, not having shit spilled all over my car," she said. "Just what I've always wanted."

She waited for an old couple to shuffle out of harm's way before throwing the car in reverse and pulling out of her parking spot. Jake was struggling to carefully open a pack of powdered donuts and almost dropped them as she turned a corner. Rosa nearly slammed the breaks when she saw them. "I thought I said nothing messy."

"I couldn't remember any rules beyond no blue because I was so devastated!” he exclaimed. "Besides, what's a friendaversary without donuts?"

He offered her one but she batted it away. "Stop saying that word. It's not even a word."

"What, friendaversary?"

Rosa closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Fortunately they were at a red light. She briefly considered kicking Jake out onto the sidewalk while they were stopped; instead she took a sip of coffee and privately threatened whatever deity or cruel weaver of fate thought it would be hilarious to put her and Jake together in the same realm of existence.

And yet, as irritating as he could be sometimes, she loved the guy. It was like having a dumb brother who teased and irritated the shit out of you but always backed you up; he felt more like a sibling to her than her actual sisters. He probably had no idea, because he still only knew the tip of iceberg when it came to her story after all these years, but theirs was the longest friendship she ever had, by far. Rosa never cared for her peers back in school, never felt like she fit in with her family, but she liked the people she had in her life now. As much as she cherished her lone wolf status, it was nice to know that she had people who had her back. And nobody had her back like Jake.

The thought brought a little smile to her face, one that quickly faded when she heard Jake start to cough and wheeze beside her. When she glanced at him questioningly he had tears in his eyes. There was powdered sugar on his hands and a half a mini donut partially crumbled on his lap.

"Inhaled a piece," he said with a strained cough, sounding slightly panicked. "It's in my lung."

She rolled her eyes. "Drink your ice thing and be careful, drama queen."

He took a long sip, then gave another choking cough into the crook of his arm. A thorough throat clearing seemed to force out the last of the irritation. "All clear," he said. "Order restored."

"Don't dust that off until you get out of the car." She stopped to look at him critically, then bit back a smile. "Your mouth is green."

"Why do you think I buy these things?"

"To ingest enough sugar to sustain a constant state of hyperactivity?"

"Okay, that's one of the reasons," he said, taking another sip. The straw looked like a small, plastic roller coaster; it looped about five times before plunging down into the colorful cup. She could see the blended Barney mixture slosh up and down the inside.

He cleared his throat again and Rosa heard him sniffle. It was just one of those noises to which she was particularly attuned, having heard it so often before. When she glanced at him he was turned towards the car door, his eyes focused out the window. He never told her but she knew he could sometimes help a sneeze along by looking at a light. The sun was particularly bright today, reflecting off the snow along the sidewalks to create a strong glare.

"Oh, another car rule," she said. "No sneezing. Especially not while holding colorful drinks."

Jake regained his focus long enough to look at her in disbelief. He opened his mouth to reply but then he turned away again, closing his eyes tight and pressing his knuckles against his nose. Rosa shook her head, grabbing the cup from his weakening grip and placing it carefully in the cup holder behind her coffee. “Okay, go ahead,” she said, picking up her own cup as she stared ahead. “I’m granting you special permission.”

She sipped her coffee and steered lazily, waiting patiently for Jake to take care of business. When she heard a plastic wrapper crinkling next to her she whipped her head around to glare at him, but he was just sitting there, fiddling with the sun visor. When he saw her looking he flashed her a grin. Rosa was confused, but pleased to see he had tucked the donuts away in his pocket for later. "I thought you had to sneeze," she said.

"It went away.”

"Huh."

Rosa took another pensive sip of coffee as they came up to another traffic light. There must have still been powdered sugar in the air, because out of nowhere her nose began to prickle. She barely had time to register the sensation before it drove out a sneeze so forceful she nearly bumped her forehead against the steering wheel. Something warm pooled near her crotch and for one terrifying moment she thought she may have actually pissed herself, but she was relieved to find it was just some coffee that had spilled from her cup. Relief turned to anger when she realized that Jake was laughing at her.

"Wait, so are you lifting the ban on sneezing?" he asked. "Because I can totally get that other guy back here. And what about the 'no mess' rule? It looks like you spilled a little somethi-"

She dumped her coffee out the window and chucked the empty cup at his head.

[isolvtes]

(   REINA HARDESTY.  CIS WOMAN. SHE/HER.   )   ⸺   Ꮺ  ⋆   greetings, buffalos !  walking around campus, sporting her DEAD SISTER’S LOCKET we’ve spotted JESSICA ONO,  a twenty eight year old who contributes to our thriving community as a SCOUT. according to our intel, they’ve been around the sanctuary for ONE YEAR and what we know about her, aside from the fact that they DO agree with the decision to close the gates, is that she was a dancer before the outbreak but she's never danced since ; she keeps a journal with her at all times but writes in it sparingly, only the most important things are ever added ; is incredibly hot-tempered and finds it impossible to fully trust people, but will still risk her life for anyone.  doesn’t that make them fantastic ?  we think it does, and that’s why we appreciate her so much, grateful for what they give to our community.

STATISTICS.

name: jessica morgana ono

dob: nov 7th 1995

age: 28

height: 5'5

hometown: malibu, california

role: scout

sexuality: bisexual

star chart: scorpio sun, taurus moon, leo rising, sagittarius venus

personality stats: black widow (marvel), clarke griffin (the 100), lana kane (archer), robin scherbatsky (himym), rosa diaz (b99)

types: intj, choleric

family: ryuji ono (father, deceased), catherine ono (mother, deceased), grace ono (sister, deceased)

HISTORY.

tw death, minimal gore, alcohol

the outbreak started when she was 16, never a chance for her to even experiment with what felt like new-found womanhood, no longer just a kid. she'd give anything now to still be that kid, instead of so violently forced into becoming a survivor.

she lost her youngest sister just when she thought she was succeeding in keeping her safe from everything. it was just them left, their parents gone years before so early into the outbreak. jess and her sister grace floated around groups, trying their best to stay in numbers if they had any chance of surviving and doing what they needed to do to stay safe.

they saw almost every group crumble, always human error, always greed. if there wasn't some betrayal or bid for power that caused its ruin, jess would take grace in the night and sneak away instead, convinced she got a bad feeling about the people they were entrusting their lives with. she doesn't think the outbreak changed people, just allowed them the freedom to be who they've always been. 

when it was just them on their own, the rain forcing them to find shelter, they'd broken into a drugstore to try and find something useful. it hadn't been looted yet, so the pair were in high spirits. before they knew it, their exit was blocked, and any other attempt to find one was met with the same fate. eventually jess found a broken sky light and started to climb through, her hand extended to pull up her sister. next thing she knew, the infected were just beneath grace, swiping at the younger girl. jessica couldn't hold on or pull her up no matter how hard she tried, the rain was coming down hard and she just kept slipping. it went too quick, jess didn't have a chance to react as their hands finally broke free. jess swiped one final try to catch her sister, but only tore away her necklace instead. jess stayed sobbing on the rooftop for a while after grace's screams finally quietened. she had her sister's skin beneath her nails from holding on so tightly,  tighter each time she felt her slipping. she still gets nightmares of that slipping sensation,  her being so close but just a smidge out of reach, with her sister’s screams echoing over and over. after that, she lost her way.

she acted riskier, careless in her attempt at survival. she just didn't know what exactly she was doing anymore, who she was fighting for or why she was still alive. it was in her lowest moments she found someone who looked just as beat up as her, low on everything, and not sure where to go; the injured william barlowe. it was her fault he fell, spooking him by accident when investigating what all the noise was... still, she wasn't sure if she should've helped, her own needs were desperate and he was a stranger, but ultimately jessica stayed with him and fixed him up. she didn't fully trust him at first but eventually she could tell that they were the same, and he looked out for her, too.

now at boulder, jess finds herself on the outside more than others. being a scout suits her for so many reasons: she likes to be in the know, would rather put herself in danger than anyone else risk it, and if all things go tit’s up, at least she's in top form. she even appreciates the quarantine, a way to debrief and set herself straight without people around her.

PERSONALITY.

she likes her solitude,  likes having as minimal people to worry about as possible. despite this,  jess deeply cares for people, and she doesn't wish harm on anyone— but she will do anything to keep those she cares for safe, and that means anything.

she finds it incredibly hard to trust people fully, even if she really likes you she will always have her guard up and expect the worst. it really does take a lot for her to get to the trust completely point as a lot of people have broken it for her in the past — when she does trust you, she is the most loyal person

can be extremely stubborn, sarcastic and blunt at times, often because she doesn't want to reveal or talk about something but it really depends on the day

a hot-head xxx i feel like she's learnt to just shut up most of the time because she always says something she regrets. very very easy to piss off x

MISC THINGS.

preferred weapon is a bow and arrow or crossbow, likes that it's more or less silent in the grand scheme of things but always has a knife on her too

she's very flexible, nimble, light on her feet and agile from her dancing background and she uses these techniques when scouting, helping her reach tougher spots. if the world ever goes back to normal she'd have a parkour channel for sure

always wears her sister's locket around her neck, it has a photo of jess and grace when they were younger

speaks english, japanese & french fluently

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

if she's not with will then she's definitely with fellow scouts /scavengers /trainers/trainees ! basically at the training yards working out a lot of the time… so sparring or general working out partners would be lovely pls… 

if she's not at the training yard then she's at the bar drinking her sorrows away... drinking buds... yes... maybe instead of talking about their feelings aka being healthy, jess got your muse incredibly drunk

random, stupid hookups, accidental one night stands, when kissing your face was a better alternative to you seeing me cry.... um... she would just like to feel something, but she will refuse to give anyone anything real or emotional, that shit is locked up.. and she's in a little bit in love with will

someone she's potentially clashed with... maybe still does... girly is not smart with her big mouth