#axe rambles

[stoner-with-a-boner]

men suck

[dedaxe]

What is love? Not necessarily the romantic kind, that too i suppose, but more so just love in general. Familial, platonic, those kinds. For a topic with so much written on it, I've never been able to quite identify with the word. It seems so profound. You know when you say a word so often it seems to lose its meaning? That's what 'love' is like for me. I just don't get it. Rather than love, I'd say I care. I care about you. I'd care if something happened to you. I want to hear what makes you happy, and I'd care if something made you sad. I enjoy spending time with you, I want to build a better relationship with you, I want us to be on good terms, to not fight as much. Yet, despite how empty the term feels to me, I say 'I love you', because I'm not quite sure how else to say it.

[huginsmemory]

The one thing led to another night is very much likely hinting at Bill and Ford fucking, but considering Stan's penchant for getting married while drunk, LITERALLY at one point to ol' Goldie, a horrifying gold panning statue souvenir dispenser(?), may mean that Ford would also have a penchant for that. So Ford marrying Bill that night, instead of them fucking (or marrying and fucking) is actually plausible, and also EXTREMELY FUNNY to me. Both of them have such terrible romance track records.

Also like, I know there's a lot of jokes going around about Stanley being like YOU FUCKED A TRIANGLE? Which I love btw, but like. SIR YOU MARRIED A MAYBE CURSED SOUVENIR DISPENSER THATS A STATUE OF A HORRIFYING OLD MAN GOLD PANNING, DO YOU REALLY HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON?

[lover-of-skellies]

Funniest thing just came to mind;

Cross finds a baby somewhere. It's clearly an orphan, and because he worries about it, he takes it back to the castle with him. Axe finds out first, and he's immediately enamored. Cue him taking over Baby Feeding duty. Killer soon finds out, and he's the fun one who makes the baby laugh. He watches cartoons with the kid and plays with them, and teaches them to be gentle with his cats

Dust finds out, and although he's reluctant to interact with the baby at first, he soon ends up taking over naptime duty and making sure the baby sleeps. Error finds the baby and acts disgusted by it, like "ew wtf is this why is someone's crotch goblin living in the castle". But then Cross starts finding knitted baby clothes and crocheted plushies lying around

Meanwhile, Nightmare senses the happiness the baby regularly gives off. It's irritating and it stings, and he gets frustrated really fast by it. No one tells him about the baby because they know he (probably) wouldn't let them keep it

One day, Nightmare's just walking around the castle out of boredom. When walking by Killer's room, out of nowhere he hears the Snuggle Song, Killer singing along like a dork, and the happy squealing of an infant

[ace7librarian]

"these woods always were a bitchin' makeout spot"

Max.... Max that's not a good idea... Not in his woods...

[pin-chance]

Orestes Fasting and Pylades Drunk but Grantaire has an axe

[nexahexagon]

MORE SNEEG ART

How am I supposed to Catch Up with Sneeg Vods when he’s hitting 10 HOUR STREAMS??? EXCUSE YOU SIR??

Also I still haven’t moved on from his “I’ll follow my Queen” he. Should anchor that as a Lore point methinks. Maybe. Especially cuz Crinkle wants Foolish dead. Or maybe I just want to see Ros succeed as an authority. She deserves it methinks.

[blue-jisungs]

friendly reminder that reblogs (especially with your thoughts) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> likes, even spam likes

bc tumblr works on reblogs, they boost works and while reblogging with comments you motivate writers. likes, however… are kinda useless. and spam liking is just… bad in many ways. i heard it can lead to shadowbanning and most of the time it’s just kinda annoying/disrespectful and authors (rightfully so) may block you for spam liking

[akuma-tenshi]

i can't believe i actually forgot to post these

[germaaaaaaaaaa]

moooore peter and norm swap stuff

I did not bring that up last post but the main idea was by @redtalics ^-^ yapping in tag. If you are curious. Hi

[genericdragon]

Noah fence but if you can't handle thinking about the actual story of Mouthwashing and you just want to imagine silly found family scenarios with the crew on the Tulpar then maybe you shouldn't be engaging with HORROR media...... just a thought.

[multi-fandomdisaster]

New headcanon that literally every household in Hatchetfield has an axe somewhere. It's like the rest of America with keeping a gun in the house for self-defense. Be it a hatchet (more common) or a full-on axe (slightly less common, but not unheard of by any means), everyone in Hatchetfield has at least one.

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

Afjxkgdkg Jimmy is so patient in Double Life, I'm not even an angry or violent person but I would have punched at least five times as many people as he does

[sleepyorc]

We're just normal Orcs. We're just innocent Orcs!

[lover-of-skellies]

How to make:

Chocolate fudge ohfu brownies

Recipe makes 12 brownies, with a 20 minute prep time and a 40 minute cook time

Ingredients:

3/4 cup unsalted butter, plus a little extra for greasing

1/2 tsp bone powder (locally sourced is preferable!)

2 chocolate and caramel snack bars, roughly chopped

6 1/4 oz dark chocolate, roughly grated

1/2 tsp Killer's determination tears (Handle with caution!)

3 large eggs

1 3/4 cups sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

3/4 cup hazelnuts

1/4 cup finely shredded and grated blue threads

1 cup all purpose flour

1/3 cup cocoa powder

1 tsp baking powder

3 cups corruption goop for the frosting (room temperature is best)

STEP 1: Preheat your oven to 350°F/160°C. Grease an 11 x 8 inch/28 x 20 cm baking dish, then line with parchment paper

STEP 2: Put butter, snack bars, determination tears, and chocolate in a heat-resistant bowl and set over a pan of barely simmering water, making sure the water is not in contact with the bowl. Stir occasionally until you have a smooth sauce, then remove from heat

STEP 3: In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and sugar together until light and fluffy. Fold the cooled chocolate mixture and the vanilla into the eggs. Sift in the flour, bone powder, blue threads baking powder, and cocoa, then add half of the hazelnuts and fold everything together

STEP 4: Pour batter into the prepared baking dish and sprinkle in the remaining hazelnuts. Bake for 35-40 minutes until a skewer comes out almost clean—you still want it slightly gooey for best results. Leave to cool completely

STEP 5: Drizzle goop over the entire brownie and slice into 12 pieces to serve. These will keep for 9-14 days in an airtight container and refrigerated*

STEP 6: Enjoy!

*For best results, harvest the goop, bone dust, threads, and determination tears directly from the source. Only one of these sources will cooperate willingly—you will have to harvest from the others as discreetly as possible

*If not consumed before this time, the brownies will develop a bitter and unpleasant taste and may inflict permanent psychological and physical damage to anyone who consumes them

Fun fact: The first person to make these brownies called them "ohfu" (pronounced oh-fuh) brownies, as "ohfu" was the last thing to leave their mouth

[cluelessrebel1988]

If I Ran The Zoo (or how I would plot out an Animorphs TV/streaming series if I had the time/ability/resources)

So this is something I've been kicking around in my head on-again, off-again for a couple years now, and I thought I'd put it out there, just for the lols (do people still say that?)

My thought process is for a 5 season arc, with each season being somewhere in the neighborhood of 13-15 episodes long, give or take. There would be a few changes with the order of things, and a few minor characters would play a bigger role. I'm not going to go episode by episode, but just sort of outline the big arcs for each season. I'm not in any way suggesting that this is the best way to do it, just that this is how I would do it.

Season 1

This season obviously would start the events of The Invasion and would primarily incorporate events/plot points from the first 10 books, including finding Ax in his crashed ship (though I would move that to either take place in the first episode, or in the second half of the two-part premiere), Tobais getting stuck in his hawk form (and getting an episode or two dedicated to him coming to terms with that), and introducing Erik and the Chee (Erik would be introduced as a friend of Marco's early in the season, with his identity as a Chee being revealed in the second half of the season).

The only major plot point from that run of the series I wouldn't put into play just yet is the reveal of Marco's mother as Visser One (although I would be very much establishing her through flashbacks, dreams, etc., so people will recognize her when Visser One does show up).

The main arc of the season would involve the Kandrona Ray and the events of The Stranger, with the team meeting the Ellimist and learning about the ray and its significance and plotting to take it down to try to end/expose the invasion. Erik and Ax tagteam providing info about the ray and its use, but it's the vision from the Ellimist that gives Rachel the final clue, again, as in the book, with that occuring at the end of the penultimate episode. The season finale is solely focused on devising and executing the plan to destroy the ray. The plan would succeed, which would prompt Visser One's return, revealing her host to be Marco's mother as the cliffhanger for the season.

Obviously, we would be exploring the kid's home lives more, with the relationship with their families and friends and the whole 'work-life balance' thing that comes with fighting a guerilla war against an alien invasion. Not to the point where they're having to fake illnesses to skip school every episode, but enough to show that it's putting a strain on their relationships. I would also explore Rachel's relationship with Melissa Chapman more and have Melissa be a bigger supporting character in the show. We'd also introduce Karen and Aftran in this season, revealing her to be a controller early on, but something that Cassie doesn't find out until the end of the season

Season 2

Season 2 would pick up a few weeks after season 1, as The Alien did with The Stranger. The kids learn that their hope that the invasion would reveal itself with the Kandrona ray destroyed were in vain and that Ax knew that. The premiere would largely follow the plot of that book, with the Animorphs attempting to integrate Ax into society and attempting to take the fight to Visser Three with the help of a Yeerk traitor, and Ax telling the others about the Law of Seerow's Kindness. Ax would get a lot of development this season, with the events of The Deception coming into play.

Tobias would help free the Hork-Bajir as in The Change and get his human form back as a morph, and the reveal that he is Elfangor's son would be included in this season as well (Obviously we're tapping into the Andalite Chronicles for flashbacks in at least one episode this season to help set that up).

Marco's main character arc would revolve around learning that his mother is Visser One, keeping it a secret, only to have the others find out later, thus incorporating The Predator and The Escape. Also Visser One is the big bad for the season, delving more into her conflict with Visser Three. The season would end with her supposed death following the Animorphs' thwarting of her plans

For Cassie, we cover the utilize adapted versions of The Departure and set up for The Sickness, with Karen/Aftran and Cassie perhaps getting trapped somewhere and forced to work together to get out of it, laying the groundwork for Aftran to be captured by Visser Three. The season finale would also center around the efforts to rescue Aftran.

Jake and Rachel will have arcs and roles to play in each of these stories as they each start to fall into their respective roles as leader and fighter, respectively. If they get their own arc, it would be around trying to save Tom specifically.

Additionally, Melissa is still around in her expanded role, but with a new friend: David, who would be introduced fairly early in the season in a recurring role (Melissa is also recurring at this point). She and David will have a B-plot where they become friends and are together when David finds the morphing cube, the discovery of which also occurs in the finale.

Season 3

Obviously, the primary source for the main arc of season 3 is the David Trilogy, with The Discovery in particular serving as the source for the season premiere. It plays out mostly the same, with the Animorphs learning that David and Melissa have the cube and plans to sell it online. They try to retrieve the cube before the two of them can attract the attention of the Yeerks, but ultimately fail, leading to the battle at David's house. They manage to get Melissa and David out of the house before they can be captured, and are forced to reveal themselves and tell them what's happening, essentially recruiting them into the Animorphs.

The events of the rest of the trilogy, with the threat to the UN summit or some similar event involving world leaders as a target that they have to keep the Yeerks from taking advantage of -- as well as with David and Melissa's reactions to being Animorphs -- would take up the majority of the plot this season. Obviously Melissa becoming an Animorph opens up some new potential for her arc, especially around her relationship with her dad and trying to come to terms with him being a controller (and the fact that Rachel has been keeping this a secret all along). She and David would have similar arcs around their parents being controllers, but while David ultimately turns against the Animorphs, Melissa does not (although David tries to convince her to). The season ends with the gang trapping David in a rat morph, as the books do.

One of Melissa's major character traits is her interest in technology, something she used to bond with her father over (working together to take things apart and then put them back together before be became a Controller to try to keep her safe) and I imagine her and Ax developing something of an awkward friendship as she tries to ask him about the morphing technology and other Andalite technology, with him being reluctant to share due to the Law of Seerow's Kindness. But, as he's grown closer with the Animorphs, he would eventually acquiesce and they would begin to bond. The two big relationships (Rachel and Tobias, and Cassie and Jake) also take major steps this season

The other major arc for the season involves other Andalites, incorporating The Arrival and The Other, with the reveal that other Andalites are on earth and some are there to help...or are they? The season would also end with Tobias getting captured by the Yeerks to begin the laying of the groundwork for the discovery that the Animorphs are not, in fact, Andalite bandits.

Season 4

The events of The Illusion and The Test would be adapted for the season premiere, including the introduction of the Yeerk resistance (led in this series by Karen/Aftran) and Tobias's capture and torture, with the main difference being that it is Tom (who has largely been a secondary or tertiary villain thus far) being the one who conducts the torture. During the interrogation, Tobias lets something slip that most of the controllers in the room don't pick up on, but Tom does, leading him to investigate and setting up for the finale, which would be largely and adaptation of The Diversion, with the race against time to save their families taking up the majority of the episode. Melissa is able to save her parents, her father proving to be an asset in the final season with his knowledge of how Yeerk technology works.

This season as a whole would focus on escalating the war between the Animorphs and the Yeerks. The stakes become higher, as are tensions following David's betrayal. Visser One returns, learning that Marco is one of the Animorphs and we incorporate the events of Visser, seeing the Animorphs rescue her.

Following Tobias's capture and torture, Rachel becomes more angry and vengeful, setting up for her arc over the final season (we've seen hints of her violent streak over the series up to this point, but it gets more intense this season).

Season 5

With their secret out, the Animorphs regroup in the Hork-Bajir valley and try to figure out their next move. The final arc of the series would play out largely how it does over the course of the final books, with the team recruiting more Animorphs to help them with their mission, and even trying to recruit government and military officials to aid in the fight. Tom gets the morphing cube, adding controllers with the ability to morph (other than the newly appointed Visser One) to the threat against the Animorphs. The final battle would be a multi-pronged attack, with the bombing of the Yeerk Pool being part of the final assault and not a separate battle.

Rachel gets aboard the blade ship and kills Tom before being killed herself. In an effort to make up for the harm he caused, Hedrick Chapman sacrifices himself to both ensure the Yeerk Pool bomb goes off and to save Melissa one final time (the pair of them were in charge of building/detonating it, along with Ax), and Jake orders the flushing of the Yeerk Pool on the the Pool ship, alienating Erek and the rest of the Chee going forward. All of this is in the penultimate episode.

The series finale follows the aftermath of the war in The Beginning, and, as the books did, the series would end with Jake, Tobias, and Marco (and probably Melissa) being recruited to help save Ax from an as-yet unknown threat.

And there you have it, my outline for how an Animorphs series could/should play out. As I said at the start, this is just my idea and others might have different thoughts about what order the arcs should go in and what significant changes (if any) would be made. Please be kind with any criticisms, and if you'd like to share your thoughts with me, my inbox is open. I also did a fancast for the series a few years ago if anyone's curious about who would play who