#aw fuck am i actually going to cry about this. its stressing me OUT i cant imagine it i dont want to

[piplupod]

praying and hoping and begging for things to get better or at least more tolerable soon because i dont know how many more physical symptoms of stress my body can take

[justabunchofdragons]

ok i have gotta be so fr and im putting this on main even though its technically houseposting but s8e2 where wilson had to convince that woman with lung cancer to do a treatment that essentially filled her lungs with fluid and would feel like drowning actually Actually terrified me. not many medical things scare me (purposeful desensitisation on account of thats going to be my job) but voluntarily going through the feeling of drowning to have a few more hours of life with the possibility that the transplant that will save you won't even HAPPEN is. fucking terrifying. i don't think i could do it. i dont think i could convince someone to do it and i don't think i could Do that treatment. good god

[l-cereta]

Like everything is pissing me off rn

[lexicals]

System collapse notes made as I read:

(Spoilers, obvs, mostly out of context)

Amazing opening page as usual. This feels like coming home I'm so happy

Side note, "one of you" - like, is this being delivered to an actual audience, or does mb just like to pretend it is? I know it's just an in-universe excuse for the conceit but either option is so good

ART canon tax fraud?? ART canon embezzlement???

ART @ BE ship: "people die in car crashes all the time. I just thought that was interesting :)"

The note about iris having grown up alongside ART is so funny. And the note about her being ART's ratthi is so sweet from both sides of that comparison

I adore Three so much. The fucking baby deer comparison killed me this poor construct

I could be misremembering but it feels like secunit's narration has more colloquialisms than before, which is fun if I'm right

Love than mb and mensah have the exact same reaction to the extra settlement lmao. Handshake meme

ARGUCUSSION

SECUNIT YOUR BOUNDARIES. YOUR NEEDS. PLEASE STOP TELLING PEOPLE YOU'RE FINE

"Fun stuff like space battles and rescuing people and space monsters and throwing asteroids at planets" this bot loves its cheesy tv so much I'm gonna cry

WHY DO YOU KEEP REDACTING THINGS SECUNIT PLS THIS IS STRESSFUL. I can't tell if this is it editing out trauma discussion or something else

Mb casually using ART as a dictionary lmao

Oh god is it hurting over 2.0 specifically. Oh man of course it is. God this poor bot I'm so 😭

Mb and ART working as a team so fluidly.... best friends......

Ratthi can tell secunit is busy thinking/working just by glancing at it.... FRIENDS.....

"SENTIENCE SUCKS" LMAO. YEAH OKAY WE'VE ALL FELT THAT

MB JUST HAS THE VIDEO FILE OF RATTHI ALMOST GETTING EATEN BY A WORM ON HAND. AMAZING

Mb and pin-lee bonding over watching scifi car crash videos. Incredible

SECUNIT THE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCIES. LITERALLY TRYING TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE WITHOUT A PARACHUTE. PLEASE

I'm gonna cry pls mb stop beating yourself up for being traumatised. This is exactly what you were giving mensah shit about!!!!!

"It was always my job to get hurt" I Am Going To Fucking Cry

CITING ITS SOURCE ON THE PRE CR HISTORY LESSON LMAO

God I feel like this poor bot spent six books building up its confidence and it's all just been shattered after the thing with 2.0. Like it's so palpable in the narration that it thinks it's broken in some way and is forcing itself to carry on regardless but with no regard for its own survival, which has always been of pretty high priority for it even in ASR!! It's let itself get beaten up in the other books but it's never been reckless like this. Mb please stop punishing yourself.....

Ohh tarik and mb shared corpo trauma..... can we talk about that maybe

Ratthi correcting iris about the ex-secunit thing.... ouuououugghghh

"Under normal circumstances that would be kind of hilarious" mb honey as a reader. That IS hilarious

Mb "so is this guy your..... ex-security..... not that I'm feeling jealous or insecure rn....."

HEY GUYS YOU EVER HAVE A PTSD FLASHBACK SO BAD YOU PASS OUT. GUYS

HEY GUYS HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR BRAIN-CRASHING PTSD FLASHBACK ANALYSED IN DETAIL BY A BUNCH OF PEOPLE YOU WANT TO RESPECT YOU

Mb once again having the worst time of its life but being offered a media archive by a friendly bot: oh fuck yes hello there

Ooooh pre-corpo media no less......

THE ART THERAPY-SPEAK..... "that’s for humans" "this affects the part of you that is human" I'm going to yell and yell and yell

"No, it doesn't read my mind, it just knows me really well" 🥺

I feel like MW has gotten more up to date on current gender/pronoun usage since the earlier books which is nice to see. We've had neopronouns before but having pronouns attached to feed/character intros is new and appreciated

Mb: "aw fuck am I being tall and intimidating again"

Local secunit physically repelled by power phrase "sexual discussion" like a fucking skyrim shout

VISUAL EQUIVALENT OF A WET BLANKET..... SECUNIT......

OHH...... OHHHHH!!!!! OHH MY GOD THE. IS THIS THE. WHEN I TALKED ABOUT THE CONCEIT EARLIER.........

Oh okay no BUT MURDERBOT NEW CREATIVE DIRECTOR POSITION BABEY!!!!!

And ratthi is so supportive. God I'm so. AAAAUGH

Just patch out the anxiety lmao. New mental illness fix dropped please restart your OS to apply

Telling your bestie to fuck off IS a kind of love language and I'm glad that ART appreciates it 😌

LITERALLY "(INTERNAL SCREAMING)". LMAO

Mb literally in a life or death situ rn: I could just burn part of this person's brain out to save us..... that seems mean though :/

"I lack a sense of proportional response" LMAO ART. At least it's self-aware

"I didn't come here to make friends" says the secunit who literally cannot go anywhere without forming some kind of allyship with someone

The delayed-hack though, that's fun. Wonder whether this file is gonna slowly make its way from CR secunit to CR secunit as mb gradually becomes some kind of mythic figure, lmao

"Be safe" 🥺

FINAL GIRL IS OUT. FINAL DRONE IS IN

ART: "Oooh you guys care about me ^^ lol"

LMAO ART YOUNGER SIBLING BEHAVIOUR

ALSO YES SET THREE UP WITH THE OTHER CRAZY SMART AI THEY CAN ALL GET A SECUNIT BESTIE!!!!

Murderbot trauma acknowledgement 😌 You go working through your feelings mb you're doing so well ily

WHERE ARE WE GOING NEXXXTTTT THAT IS INDEED THE QUESTION!!!

Summary thoughts: this was really good and I like that MW has taken the time to address the NE fallout before moving on to whatever is coming next, I'm mostly just excited for that whatever-comes-next now. I didn't expect this story to still be focused on the same planet, but it's cool that it was! And now we're moving on with more machine intelligences and rogue secunits in play!! And they mentioned the comfortunit from artificial condition so hopefully that'll come back into play soon as well! I feel like something is building up wrt construct rights in the setting and I'm very excited to see that, but in the meantime I loved getting this familiar romp through MB having a very bad day and working through its emotions while also trying not to die. And it was fun having the twist on the usual formula with things being so isolated and it having to handle everything while being off its game, it felt a lot more tense than some of the other entries just by virtue of the fact that MB's narration was so much less confident than usual, and it made it really nice to hear the fire come back to its voice once we hit that point in the story. 11/10 as usual I love this bot so goddamn much

[icommitedcrimesasatoaster]

Incorrect quotes , MY FAVORITE! (kill me.)

(From a generator)

Techno: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Kanade: Why? Techno: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Cody. Kanade: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Techno: Kanade, you have opened my eyes.

Techno: Katara, you need to calm down. Katara, slamming their fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

Cody: I’m going to hell. Techno: Probably. Cody: I'll pick you up? Techno: nodding Carpool.

Tommy: Can I have some? Cody, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it.

Cody, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Katara: …What does that even mean?!

Techno: Katara, what do you value about Tommy? Katara: They’re thoughtful. They pick flowers and bring them to me. Often they’re ones I’ve just planted, but… Tommy: That’s how I know they’re fresh!

Kanade: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves? Tommy: Milfs. Cody: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves. Kanade: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for??? Katara: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties. Katara: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago. Cody: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck. Kanade: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK— Kanade: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY! Katara: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries? Tommy: What? No! It isn't! Katara: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME! Cody: Katara… Katara: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION! Cody: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you. Katara: KANADE, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION! Kanade: The word milf has been ruined for me. Tommy: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS! Cody: Y'all are dumbasses.

Techno: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

Tommy: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. Tommy: Lmao, @Katara.

Katara: Plants are basically the ideal friends. They are quiet, friendly, and easy to please. All they need is a little water and fresh earth, and they are perfectly happy to lie there all day in the sun. And they don’t make increasingly awful life choices, or hide their relationships. They have never, as far as I know, fucked a bee.

Kanade: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby. Katara: What baby? Kanade, crying a bit: Me.

Tommy: Wake me up- Kanade: Before you go go Katara: When September ends Techno: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

Katara, to Tommy: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it’s not going to be me.

Katara: Techno, keep an eye on Tommy today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Techno: Sure, I'd love to see Tommy getting punched. Cody: Try again. Techno, sighing: I will try to stop Tommy from getting punched.

Cody: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

Everyone is playing a board game together Techno: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Kanade: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Katara: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Cody: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Katara: flips the board

Techno: Katara, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you? Katara: Tommy, Techno wants you to get out of the house.

Tommy: Cody isn’t answering my messages. Kanade: Allow me. Tommy: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi- Cody: replying to message Hello.

Cody: I’m terrible at expressing myself. Katara: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words! Cody: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Katara: You know you can die from that, right? Techno: smoking a cigarette That’s the point. Cody: drinking alcohol We’re trying to speed this up. Kanade: Eating raw cookie dough and nodding

Cody with a gun to Techno's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven? Techno: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Techno: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window. Cody: …We're on the ground floor. Techno: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Katara: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… Kanade: What’s updog? Katara: Tommy! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

Tommy: HEY HEY HEY! DON’T TOUCH THOSE! Kanade, touching a figurine: Why? What’s wrong with touching a doll? Tommy: THAT IS NOT A DOLL! This is a figurine, thank you very much. Katara, from afar: IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL! Kanade: FIGURINE MY ASS! IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL— as Katara said! Tommy: I hate all of you. That is a limited edition figurine I got from a conventio— Kanade: Drops figurine on the ground Tommy: —n. It was $100; all my money just went down the fucking drain.

Tommy: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth. Katara: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

Kanade: How do you do that? Techno: I'm fearless. Tommy: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad. Techno: I'm mostly fearless.

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. Techno, with Cody and Tommy behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. Techno: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- Techno: Kanade FUCKING FELL OFF!

Cody: When I met you I thought you were a real bitch. Techno: What changed your mind? Cody: Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

Techno: Are we really going to let Tommy keep Kanade? Cody: We kept Katara.

Kanade: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Katara: Several traffic violations. Tommy: Three counts of resisting arrest. Cody: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Techno: Also, that’s not our car.

Kanade: What do rainbows mean to you? Tommy: Gay rights. Katara: There's money. Techno: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. Cody: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

In a group chat Kanade: A pegan just flew into my window. Katara: Pegan? Cody: A what? Tommy: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan. Techno: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO! Tommy: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window. Techno: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window. Kanade: I literally just made a typo-

Kanade: Did you bring Techno? Tommy, gesturing to Katara: No, but I brought the next best thing. Kanade: Katara? The next best thing would be Cody. Katara: I would be offended, but Cody is freakishly strong.

Cody: You three, explain right now! Techno: It was Tommy. Katara: It was Tommy. Kanade: It was Tommy. Tommy: ** Tommy:** …fuck.

Katara: Anyone d- Cody: Depressed? Tommy: Drained? Kanade: Dumb? Techno: Disliked? Katara: -done with their work… what is wrong with you people…

Cody: Does everyone know their job for today? Kanade: Water the flowers. Katara: Vacuum the carpet. Techno: Wash the dishes. Tommy: Pretend to be a wolverine. Cody: Close enough.

Kanade: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi?? Techno: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

Kanade: Do you feel any better? Tommy: I feel much better now that you here with me. Katara walks in Tommy: I feel half better.

Katara: Are you good? Techno: In what sense? Katara: Generally. Techno: Oh, definitely not.

Cody: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers. Tommy: That sounds like a challenge. Cody: I have to stress, that is not a challenge. Tommy: …Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted! Cody: There is no challenge!

Cody: I love murder mysteries! Techno, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

Cody: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Techno.

Tommy: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Cody: Is that a picture of you? Tommy: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Tommy: Say no to drugs. Tommy: Say yes to drugs. Tommy: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs, cause if you're talking to drugs… then you're on drugs.

Cody: You really believe in Tommy? Kanade: Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.

Tommy: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy! Tommy: Unless of course. . We’re talking about my enemy, Katara. Fuck you Katara, you know what you did!

Cody: trying to get five seconds of sleep Tommy, poking Cody’s arm: Cody Cody. Cody. Cody. Cody: WHAT? Tommy: …We’re out of Capri Suns—

Cody, about to leave the house: Don’t spend all day watching YouTube, okay? Tommy: I FORGE MY OWN PATH!!

Kanade: Last week, Techno tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".

Cody: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Tommy, rushing in: Cody! Kanade tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Katara: You guys worried about Cody? Tommy: Totally! Kanade: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Katara: And what'd you say? Kanade: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." Tommy: Katara: They're lucky to have you as a friend.

Cody: talking about Tommy’s funeral You do know we’re burying a great person today! Techno, shocked: Did someone else die?

Techno: About to do something incredibly stupid Cody: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

after discussing a plan Techno: Does anyone have any questions? Cody: Is this legal? Techno: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

Tommy: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk. Techno: Go the fuck to sleep Tommy.

Tommy: What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18? Katara: Tommy, stop trying to get drugs. Tommy: Don't suppress my interests.

Cody: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Katara: Make lemonade! Cody: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.

Tommy: If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be? Techno: Bleach. Cody: Sewage. Tommy: …Please calm down, edgelords.

Techno: That’s a crazy idea. Insane. It doesn’t make sense. Tommy: You’ll do it? Techno: Of course.

Techno: Heh, Cody sneezes like a girl. Cody: How about I pound you like boy? Cody: That didn’t come out right.

Tommy: pulls back the curtain while Cody is showering Tommy: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Tommy: I’m a reverse necromancer! Techno: Isn’t that just- Katara: No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You are literally so fucking unfunny that it hurts. It physically hurts my body knowing that people still think murder is funny. I cant believe im saying this but do you guys know how chronically online you all are, thinking that saying “oOh iM a rEVeRsE nECrOmANcER i LOvE tO kiLL pEOpLe” is genuinely funny and will get everyone in the room shitting themselves from laughter?? cause its not. It’s fucking not. In fact, its the unfunniest fucking joke ever. Not just any joke about killing people. This one specifically. Its so unfunny and stupid. Nobody is fucking laughing at that, Tommy. It makes you look like a greasy emo kid who has never been outside once in their life and uses tumblr religiously. Like not even the funny side of tumblr. the fucking unfunny side filled with overused jokes about murder and illegal acts. Honestly, youre so unfunny, Tommy. Fuck you.

Katara: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers! Techno: Please, just say fuck.

Kanade: Today, Tommy said a swear word, so Cody said that they were going to wash Tommy's mouth out with soap. Tommy replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, they’ve been putting soap on their lips to blow bubbles.

Cody: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked? Kanade: It’s just you.

Cody: What happened to Tommy? Kanade: They died. Cody: They what? Kanade: They died, but they’re okay. Cody: …Can you please clarify? Tommy: Clarification is for the weak.

Cody: What is the most illegal thing you can do with one gold? Techno: Exchange it for a hundred copper, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Tommy: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Kanade: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Tommy: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Cody: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

Cody: Tell them to eat shit, Kanade. Kanade: Tell them yourself. Cody: Eat shit, asshole. Fall of your horse.

Cody: This is a bad idea. Techno: Then why are you coming along? Cody: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

Cody: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Kanade? Kanade: …Not really. Cody: Nothing? Kanade: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

Techno: Play to your strengths. Kanade: I haven’t got any!

Techno: What’s your biggest fear? Katara: I am incredibly arachnophobic. Techno, under their breath: You don’t want spiders to get married?

Tommy: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

Kanade: You believe me? Techno: Kanade, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Cody, texting Tommy: Text me when you’re home safely. Tommy: I’m home dangerously. Cody: Stop it. Tommy: I’m home lethally.

Tommy: You’re insane! Katara: Sure I am, what’s your point?

Cody: What do you call disobeying the law? The Squad: A hobby. Cody: crosses their arms The Squad: That we do not engage in.

Tommy: You have your weirdly sincere humility. Kanade: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

Techno: I truly hate it here <3 Katara: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it? Tommy: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women? Kanade: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny? Cody: I’m having a fucking stroke. Tommy: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations! Tommy: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Techno: Editor's note: What the fuck?

Katara: You’re charged with…..breaking into a pet store? Techno: I thought the animals might be lonely.

Cody: So what are your political beliefs? Kanade, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

Kanade: Remember everyone, violence is never the answer. Techno: You're right, Kanade.. Violence can't be the answer. Kanade: Correct, Techno. Now, on to the next lesso- Techno: Violence is the question. Techno: And the answer is yes! Kanade: Techno, no!!

Techno: How do ethical philosophers feel about murder? Cody: Well, it’s frowned upon. Techno: Okay, but what if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? Techno: That’s okay, right?

Katara: Good morning. Cody: Good morning. Tommy: Good morning. Techno: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Kanade: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

Katara: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Kanade: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Techno: I recorded the dumb stuff. Tommy: I joined you in the dumb stuff. Cody: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

Kanade: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! 🙂 Techno: I forgot I was doing a test. Kanade: Techno. Techno: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny…. Cody: Techno.

Kanade: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind. Kanade: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Kanade: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year? Tommy: This is Monopoly. (Ref to kanade always being in jail)

Tommy: Hey Katara, check out this funny .GIF I found! Katara: It’s pronounced “jif”. Tommy: Huh? Katara: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so. Tommy: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format. Katara: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”. Tommy: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different! Katara: It’s exactly the same! Tommy: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”. Katara: Gentrification. Tommy: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco. Katara: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)! Tommy: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”! Tommy: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym? Katara: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Tommy: Huh. Didn’t know that. Tommy: You’re still wrong, though. Katara: You just hate me because I’m right. Tommy: I just hate you in general. Katara: You mean in “geh-neral”? Tommy: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

Tommy: I have locked Cody in a cage designed by their own art. Oh, they have been well and truly hoist by their own petard. Techno: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that. Tommy: I’m blackmailing them. Techno: Oh, happy days.

Techno: Guys! I found a 100 dollar bill! Techno: looks around ….Should I keep it? Katara: Techno, just do the right thing. Tommy: And put in your bag. Katara: No—

Cody: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? Kanade: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Techno: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Techno: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. Tommy: Are. Are you speaking from experience. Techno: No! Techno: Techno: ….Maybe.

Cody: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! Techno: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Tommy, go find out if that thing can catch fire! Cody: You're a bad influence. Techno: And you don't know your sayings.

The Squad: walking at the mall Techno: Hey, have any of you guys seen Kanade? They’ve been gone for a while.. Cody: Eh, nope. Tommy: No, I haven’t… Katara: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something. Kanade: Hey. Techno: Ooh, there you are- Cody: What the fu- Katara: I- where were you?! Kanade: Walking right behind you guys. (Kanade just walks quietly)

Tommy: I will send my army to attack! Tommy: releases a dumpster of raccoons

Tommy: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Katara: Why is there blood everywhere? Techno: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife. Katara: You stabbed someone?! Techno: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

Cody: I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you here today. It’s because we need to have a discussion about how some people in this room aren’t getting along with other people in this room. Katara: Why did you say that so vaguely? Tommy and I are literally the only people you called in here.

(NOW MINE MWHAHHAHAHAHAHA)

Techno:PHIL , YOU CAN FINALLY HAVE A YOUNGEST THAT ISNT ANNOYING! Tommy:HEY SHUT UP BASTARD Kanade:hi:)

Cody: Where is your like. mom? Katara: ..Dead Kanade: Same. Katara: Tommy: My mum is death so like idk

“I may have accepted and almost killed a guy , but Tommy i think yoy deserve to murder him. No matter what aang says.”

-Katara

Clones:He’s so mysterious and cool i wonder what he’s thinking about Techno:

Techno: So.. this is the guy you are devoted to with all your life? Cody: Internally dying ..yes Techno , starring at Obi-wan Kenobi as he goes into battle with no armor , is British and is stupid: Cody , your better then this. please. This genuinely makes me feel bad.

Cody: Somebody is going to die- Techno , pulling out a sword: -Of death! 😄

Cody:no- techno- no you cannot kill the chancellor-

Techno:ANARCHY DOESN'T CALL FOR QUITTERS CODY

cut to 10 minutes later , the five are just stending over the exploded body of plapatine , who turned out to be an evil space wizard

Techno: I was correct- Cody , about to murder him: Shut. the. fuck. up. I'm processing this. Tommy , drinking a milkshake: This was fun. Kanade , also with a milkshake: Who knew it was fun to kill political leaders who are corrupt? Katara , sipping out of her own milkshake: Don't know , this will be great threat material.

after Cody has to explain to the jedi council why they murdered the chancellor

Cody: I- Techno , not caring in the slightest: I was in a silly mood

Cody: What do you mean you have been treated like a human being? Everyone else at the table: Techno: No he has a point

Phil walks into the room , with the gang laying in a circle , in the middle a speaker playing Nobody By Mitski Phil:.. you guys good? Cody: We can't get therapy so this is the best next thing. Katara: Sad white girl music. Tommy , absolutely sobbing: SHUT UP

Tommy in tears: So yeah- I guess that's all, my whole life story. Cody: Tommy I- Hey Dhar Mann fam, I hope you enjoyed that message about how you should never judge a book by it’s cover. And remember, we’re not just telling stories, we’re changing lives!

Tommy: God I never liked cigarrets , they taste bad. Cody: You aren't supposed to eat that- Tommy: Thats what i said!

Techno: A strategy you should always use against your enemies is telling bullshit. Straight up lies or truths exaggerated so high that they can’t even be considered truth. So when you slip up they think its just another lie. Tommy: That’s how they didn’t take you seriously?? Techno: Yeah basically

Kanade: I am not short , i am fun sized. Tommy: Wheres the fun then? Kanade: In your mother. Cody: Spits drink

.....theres a lot of em-

[alucart]

actually fuck it lmao

got hired late september. started actual work in october. started off as a seasonal worker. every day i woke up for work i was dreaded it. it was so much work. i was fatigued everyday but i still had to give it my all or else i was "lazy". if i moved too slow i was considered rude to customers. if i dont smile im rude. if i take a minute to process something then "something is wrong with me." like. Okay. lmao.

obviously when applying for jobs i dont list the fact that im bipolar. hell, i probably have adhd. but beside the point, the fact i have to act a certain way just to keep a job thats barely paying me shit was so. annoying. the fact that while working seasonal i had to put up with so much shit was ridiculous. november and december was so awful. im still mad i had to wake up at like 4am to get to work at 5am and then the store wasnt even busy until 12am. and we had to wear red and make sure everything was perfect bc the ceo was coming to the store? LMAO?

after my seasonal hours were over i thought i was free. i wasnt working for like two weeks but i at least got to spend time with my family. clean. take care of myself. i actually got back to drawing, something i havent been able to do for months. and then they called me back for a full time position. of course i took it because i wasnt finding anything else but it mightve been the worst mistake like ever.

like i must preface, that i got the job for the seasonal position in the first place without an interview, and like, yes i knew that was fishy at the start but also, ive been looking for a job for over two years so i was desperate. somehow the full time position was even worse than the seasonal position. my manager felt more annoying.

not to mention at this point they were making me do shit that i was never hired to do. why am i organizing clothes? i take returns? why are you making me cover in the handbags department? i work in returns and help people with online orders? why are you making me pack online orders? I WORK IN RETURNS, HELP PEOPLE WITH ONLINE ORDERS AND I HAVE PROCESS RETURNS FOR ORDER PICKUPS THAT WERE NEVER PICKED UP?

honestly madness. i had many breakdowns. over not wanting to go back to work. one time i had a stomach virus and had to stay home from work and was so miserable and literally panicking because i thought i could lose my job from being sick. i had a coworker that they also hired full time and she got fired because she "took too many breaks" meanwhile there was another coworker that took way more too many breaks.

while working there i saw many people get fired. like i dont know. and it was constantly understaffed. one time my manager asked me if i could work for 50 hrs one week and i told her "i'll think about it" only to find that weekend she changed my schedule without asking. (i had a breakdown that weekend).

when they had me set up my availability i had changed it so i would get mondays and tuesdays off because i realized i need two days off in a row instead of two random ass days and they didnt even. abide by that. and by the time it was like that on my schedule i already lost my job because i "violated company policy" because i accidentally scanned some fake coupons. which mind you, i never did anything wrong at the job beforehand so i shouldve really got a warning instead of being straight up fired.

but i honestly think they just wanted to get rid of me because i couldnt get enough people to sign up for a credit card, which again, i work in returns, so most people doing a return do not want to apply to a card. to expect someone in returns to have someone sign up for a fucking credit card everyday is insane. telling people that its not really a credit card is even more insane. the fact that im still stressed out over this because im fucking unemployed is. insane!!! and i dont even know if i can get unemployment. i feel like crying.

[jehovahhthickness]

Hova, I am freaking out. I am an emotional wreck. I hope that you & your followers don’t judge me for what I’m about to share.. I just really need someone to listen & somewhere safe to express my feelings/concerns. I’m having a very difficult time processing all of this alone.

I found out Wednesday that I have HSV 1 & 2. I’m positive I know exactly who gave it to me..

A few months ago, I traveled to my home state to visit friends & family over the summer.. Well, I ended up meeting someone through a good friend of mine. He was very kind, funny & handsome so I started really liking him. We talked a lot, went on dates & had a lot of fun out & about. It felt like such a solid & magnetic connection.. We started to spend a lot of time together. It had been almost 2 years of no sex, so I figured I would have some fun.. Which now has turned into a nightmare for me.. I wish I had never gotten involved with this man.. Had I known this outcome would bring me sexual trauma for the rest of my life… Mentally & physically.

I never experienced any cold sores, genital sores, tingling, burning or any symptoms of HSV.. So I never would have thought I had it if I hadn’t gone to my routine woman’s well check earlier this week, got tested & found out. The only thing I noticed recently that makes me suspect it was him was a cluster of small fluid filled bumps on the side of my left middle finger not long after we were intimate. I’ve been on google reading about HSV & I read something called “herpetic whitlow.” It says it’s usually by the nail bed, but I saw some pics towards the middle of the finger that looked similar to what I had going on. I brushed it off thinking maybe it was a burn or something else. I had no clue it could be HSV so I didn’t think much of it at the time.

Now I am very worried because my toddler developed a rash shortly after. He had a few bumps similar to mine on his arm like 3 fluid filled bumps. Then another rash on his groin. (Not his genitals, but on one side of his inner thigh/groin area.) It says whitlow is very contagious & now I’m very very afraid that I could have passed this onto him. Especially changing diapers since it was on my finger & I did not have a band aid on.. Even holding him, a kiss or sharing a cup? It did clear up fairly quickly. He didn’t seem to experience any sort of discomfort. No fever, irritability, crying. It went away on its own & hasn’t returned since I noticed it around September. Although, I’m thinking the worst & also worried it may come back. I am so scared & upset. I just want to make sure that he is okay, but I’m nervous about taking him into the doctor because what if they accuse me of sexual abuse? Then I risk legal problems because of a possible virus on my finger. Maybe I’m just paranoid & overthinking & he’s fine? Google feels more unreliable than ever. Each website has different information & I don’t know what’s true & what’s not.

I wish this never happened. I’m so stressed, depressed, embarrassed, ashamed & angry. My anxiety won’t let me relax thinking I’ve passed this on without meaning to. I feel fucking awful.

Thank you for listening.

Please, please, please use protection guys :(

- Sincerely, one devastated mama..

I want to reassure you that herpes is so fricking common and not lethal to the point that the stigma that’s attached to it is worse than the actual condition itself.

Literally most folks have either both herpes 1 & 2 and have NO idea that they do.

Just me kissing a dude on the mouth and letting him giving me head will give me genital herpes. It is what it is tbh.

Or you could suck on your own finger and masturbate right afterwards can lead to you getting it as well.

You didn’t do anything wrong. This could’ve happened to anyone.

Also, just go to the doctor and explain exactly what you just said to me, CALMLY and it will be fine.

I know you’re pissed, upset and very disappointed in yourself. But you are doing okay, babe.

I can reassure you that you have nothing to panic about. If it was something else, I would be more concern. But it’s just herpes.

As far as your future sexual partners … anyone that’s educated with functioning brain cells won’t trip over it.

[perpetually-sad-but-its-fine]

chicago fire 11x10

I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

I HAVENT STARTED PLAYING THE EPISODE YET

IM TRYING TO MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF

CUZ I CANT HANDLE THIS

i don't like this recap

its scaring me

EMMA FUCK OFF

NO STELLA

WHATS HAPPENING

carvers gonna die isn't he

I DONT WANT HIM TO

OH GOD

PLEASE

I CANT HANDLE THIS

oh poor kelly

hiS WIFES IN THERE

KELLY

YOURE GOING IN THERE WITH NO PROTECTION

NO COME ON

I CNT HANDLE THIS

STELLA

S T E L L A

WHERE ARE YOU

PLEASE BE OKAY

OH MY GOD

NO

OH MY GOD

oh my god carvers okay

oh YAY

THEYRE ALIVE

STELLA

PLEASE BE OKAY

STELLA

WHY WOULD YOU HURT ME AND KELLY LIKE THIS

PLEASE

PLEASE BE OKAY

DONT DO THIS TO US

IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH

oh my god

severide barely holding back tears

no

im sorry

im not strong enough

SHE TOOK OFF THE MASK TO AS ABOUT PRYMA

SHES A HERO

‘my heart rate must be breaking records’

‘yeah its a little elevated but youre gonna be okay’

good to see that they can still joke

fantastic

aS IF IM NOT DYING WATCHING IT

SOOOO CONSIDERATE

DIAGNOSING HERSELF WHILE DYING

violet driving like a madwoman

we love it

‘hell yes, gimme everything you got’

STELLA PLEASE BE OKAY

keLLY IM GONNA CRY IF YOU CRY

PLEASE DONT

‘i can't

YES YOU CAN

DONT DO THIS

oh god

blake why the hell are you telling the story right now

nowS NOT THE TIME

CARVERS OKAY

IM SO HAPPY

i really like his character

aw

poor guys sitting apart from them

he probably blames himself

poor guy

oh joes stiLL WEARING THE SUIT

I LOWKEY FORGOT ABOUT THE LAST EPISODE

Joe looking out for carver is great

oh no

do they blame him????

please tell me they don't

carver needs family

‘we’re all here for you’

THEY ARE

SO DONT BE A DUMBASS

KELLY

IS SHE OKAY

OH THANK GOD

SHES GONNA BE OKAY

HE LOOKS LIKE HES BEEN CRYING

MY POOR BOY

oh carver

KELLY

HES CRYING

IM N O T OKAY

THE BLOOD ON HIS HANDS

WHERE THE HELL IS MATT TO COMFORT HIM

oh god

carver and boden

how's this gonna go???

uh oh

started out normal

now what's this?

oh free therapy session

carver please listen to boden

he’s looking out for you

god

his voice is breaking

and so am i 

I caNNOT HANDLE THIS

ph shit wait

is carver gonna realize that he can't handle the stress

and then resign altogether?

CUZ I DONT WANT THAT

oh kelly

being a good husband

NO STELLA

why'd you do that

my girl

why

STELLA AND KELLy

THE LOVES OF MY LIFE

‘have you been here all day?’

‘im not going anywehre’

AHHHHHH

THERYE ADORABLE

THEY DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER

wait

carver

whyd you stop

go talk to her

istg if this is some sort of failed love triangle thing

im gonna shoot someone

oh that scar

stella

PLEASE

THEYRE HORNY TEENAGERS

THEYRE SO HORNY

HOW ARE THEY NOT FUCKING EVERY SECONF OF THE DAY

‘shrapnel framed’

i wanna see that actually

oh capp wearing a bomb suit

i wanna see that

everyone guessing what it sylvie ordered is great

peak comedy

sylvie asking for help and then guilt tripping them

and then all of them groaning

we love it

oh poor violet

what happened

oh emma

again

yay

violet this is gonna backfire

i can feel it

thank you gallo

for looking out for her

thE SCAR

‘it’s no big deal, we shower and sleep together’

*confused smirk look*

‘yknow what i mean’

god

if they do some sort of bullshit of carver having feelings for stella 

i will hunt down chicago fire writers and slap them

‘he’s no stella kidd’

aint that the truth

stella unable to take a compliment from carver is great

what's happening here

i have a bad feeling

somethings gonna happen

i know it will

there's no way that this is an accident

this feels fishy

oh what is that

im scared

HOLY SHIT

wHaT

‘someones in the vent’

how in the fuck is that possible

lieutenant kidd being a boss

like she always is

we love it

oh no

carvers gonna have some sort of reaction isn't he

oh no

this is like joe thing isn't it

no

i can't

this poor dude

who is this guy

uh oh

tweaker

isn't it

uh oh

this isn't gonna end well

if you hurt stella

ill murder him

no

please don't do anything stupid

carver

what's going on with you

seriously

please tell me that you don't have feelings for Stella

i won't be able to handle that

oh violet and boden

oh no

this isn't gonna end well

is it?

boden further proving that he is the father of everyone in the house

love to see it

worried!husband!kelly

we love it

‘decades of italian beef grease’

loving the jokes

CARVER

PLEASE BE OKAY

please talk to kidd

no

that's not what she wants

please

just

please

TALK TO SOMEONE

WORK THROUGH YOUR PROBLEMS

oh

this’ll be fun

gallo is the resident tech guy

love it

oh yippee

i love it

IM CACKLING

thank you sylvie

youre fantastic

i feel like sylvies going to adopt a baby that's put in that box

i don't like this chief already

hes a dick

i can feel it

oh

this is gonna be f u n

oh no

this isn't gonna end well

please

I WANT TO GET RID OF JACOBS

no

i hate this

god stop reminding me that evan died

NO VIOLET

IF SHE STARTS CRYING I WILL

NO STELLA

NO

NO

NO

‘hey, honey!’

GOD HE CALLED HER HONEy

IM CRYINGGG

STOP HURTING ME DAMMIT

no stella

im crying

stop

stop

stop

stoppppp

I CANT

WHY CANT WE HAVE PEACE

kelly looks like hes gonna cry too

yay

we’re all crying

oh kelly and gallo

yay

this is gonna hurt me even more

kelly please go talk to them

AHHAHAHA

THE ALARM

I fucking love the way they jumped at the sound

its great

sylvie immediately turning to herrmann

we love to see it

OH MY GOD

THERES A BABY THERE

ISNT THERE

oh wait

is it gonna be some dude who mistook it for a trash can?

wait

i don't know what's happening

oh nvm

LMAOOOO

capp

shut the fuck up

thank you sylvie

‘do we blame her though’

no

we do not

great

hes now going through the trash for his food

yay

oh prYMA

i completely forgot about him

oh the tech squad

we love to see it

oh no

poor violet

LMAOOO GALLO

‘i didn't think so, i was just trying to help’

god they make me laugh

and they make me cry

violet

you said that this want about revenge

it looks like it was about revenge

oh stella and kelly

with topic of carver as a topic for conversation

oh please

make them talk

‘you going soft on me kelly severide?’

i love them

‘good, cuz if he touches your hand hes a dead man’

I LOVE KELLY SO MYCH

stella please listen to your husband

herrmann

what're you doing

why do i feel like theres something more

i don't think there is

but still

oh

stella

talk to him

talk to carver

please

carver if you think this is a date, ill smack you

emma FUCK OFF

jacobs

youre really giving me the vibe of super villain

wait

violet has an idea

*gasp*

IS SHE GONNA MAKE EMMA SAY WHAT SHE DID AND RECORDIT????

sylvie looks so GOOD

oh MS GOODWIN

ms goodwin and sylvie is a duo i never knew i needed

they are amazing

a power duo

truly

who is this?

kelly what're you doing

OH PRYMA

how's this gonna go?

oh damn they're joking

i love it

actually

i do

pryma being a dad is such a surprise to me

‘just shut up and take the award’

‘i will’

PLEASE I LOVE THIS NEW DYNAMIC

oh damn

that was a real damper

thank you violet

for realizing that you were doing it for revenge

you are smart

oh stella and carver

please

just talk

‘why do I feel like im about to be led to a firing squad’

‘oh we really don't trust each other much, do we?’

‘mhm’

I LOVE THEIR BANTER

please talk to each other

please

YES

they're getting somewhere!

carver please reciprocate

please

‘not more than usual’

the hell does that mean?

carver don't lie

‘your overconfidence, bad attitude, is completely gone’

‘you miss them?’

‘and that's called deflection’

PLEASE MAKE THEM BESTIES

please talk to her carver

oh no

im gonna start crying again

please

stop hurting her

oh no

hes referencing his scar isn't he

whAT HAPPENED

PLEASE TELL ME

I CANT HANDLE THIS

oh no

stop

stOP

STOP

NOOOOO

POOR CARVER

WHAT

CARVER MY POOR CHILD

MY POOR POOR CHILD

good god

what kind of big brother does that?

noooooooo

I CANT HANDLE THIS

NO

FUCK OFF

STOP HURTING ME

S T O P

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS

im in pain

‘you got hurt by covering me’

chicago fire writers, im send you my therapy bill

‘I will pull it together, per my lieutenants orders’

pleASE I LOVE THEM

AND I WANT THEM TO BE BESTIES

[kindlyfunkn]

in other news though this past month or so has been maybe the worst of my life, was already feeling down about everything but now my cars fucked up again. power steering pump is shot, terrified me driving to the garage the other day (for just an inspection, an inspection no repairs, so i can get my car re-registered. ffs.) bc it started blowing smoke out of the hood and the wheel suddenly locked up.

couldnt get a hold of anyone but idk none of my friends either have cars or are free during school/work hours this was maybe around 11. my first instinct was to call my mom but she was unavailable, shes been travelling bc of my cousins wedding in alberta and mightve still been on a plane maybe idk. but she would've probably called my dad anyway bc hes the one who could actually help me, i called him right after my mom didnt pick up.

he lives 2 hours away though, i was within walking distance to my house so i just called to ask what i should do. the switch in his voice from neutral to worried was funny, especially bc ive been giving him sort of the silent treatment since we got in a petty fight. he contemplated if he could come out to town to have a look but remembered his friend craig and told me to stay where i was to. his friend is someone ive met before and had look at my car before too, and he lives out in town.

so craig was really nice, got some power steering fluid for me, drove my car for me (bc he's used to driving junk) to the garage and spoke to the mechanic for me, vehemently denied my attempts to pay for the fluid and cab fees. he told me its really funny how similar i am to my dad when we need help. he said that he told me: "you're shy like him, you stutter like him, you're nervous like him... uh no offense."

anyway so the garage wasnt able to do anything for my car bc if they didnt have the parts to fix my steering then they couldnt complete the inspection, but he didnt charge me anything so that was cool.

gotta make another appointment at a different garage.

also, speaking to my mom last night i told her how awful thingsve been. headache almost every day, i cant sleep (other night only got to sleep after 7 am, then the next night only got 3 hours, as example), how when i got up i just started crying full waterworks and i wasnt even thinking about anything. didnt tell her how i keep wanting to get drunk at night bc my thoughts just run rampant, done it a few times now. the headaches come with or without a hangover though, i grind my teeth at night. my guard was missing for a while but recently ive found it i just havent been wearing it though i should.

i didnt mean to unload anything on her just give her an update how ive been feeling bc i havent had anyone to talk to really. dont really like to vent really seriously to my (twin) sister, and my older sister (whom i live with) doesnt ever really seem to care—i feel like i cant really be upset when im around her bc she always has something happening at work or whatever. plus she keeps saying things that make me feel worse or more worried and she doesnt realize how awful ive been feeling, a few times when expressing that my head or back hurts she offers nothing except "do you want to try my meds?" NO i dont want your prescription meds!! i did take one of her migraine meds once bc they wouldnt work for her so the last pill in the bottle she offered to me and i remarked that it worked a charm, but the new meds she has now are different and strong enough that apparently they are sometimes given post surgery. sure ibuprofen/naproxen and tylenol dont work more than half the time for me but im not going right into strong meds when im taking other things. my sister doesnt take any meds other than the migraine stuff, i do take meds, i dont want any interactions.

but anyway i got sidetracked, i'll tag with the sister vent tag too. anyway i kept what i said to my mom short and simple, didnt think much of it bc sure ive been stressed out and demotivated (what else is new) and just needed to get off my chest. hate complaining to my friends i feel i do it too much. mom gave me support words of encouragement stuff like that, but told me she'll look into therapy options for me if i want since im still under her and my step moms insurance while im a student (which i technically am, exams and classes are done but still need a workterm and we're only considered fully graduates until we complete a workterm). baffled me. i used to see a counsellor (not by choice to start and i got put in dbt which sucked but i could cancel so i did bc it wasnt going anywhere. dbt mightve helped but it was on a webcam and i leaned out of frame to grab my pencil once which dropped to the floor and i was scolded so i thought this sucks im dropping this lol) but it never did much for me, but i didnt expect my mom to bring up therapy outright. we dont really do/see stuff like that in our family.

but yknow a therapist may help me right now bc everythings going south and im not that smart with adult things yet so much that i think its detrimental, so i think i said yes. if it turns out i dont need it then i can just drop it, but i think somebody unbiased who knows how things work would be able to help me a lot. its just for figuring my life out.

woof this js a huge post. did not mean to write so much and meant to keep this simple and to the point, but yknow im incapable of being concise its a curse. wasnt even gonna talk about my car initially but just started rambling. anyway thats my shitty life update

[deerblossoms]

i’m deeply fucking cursed. every pen i’ve journaled with in the past month has died. i JUST bought a new pen, used it once, and it’s already dead the next day. what the fuck??????!? like at first, when this started happening, i was joking about a silly little pen curse during the retrograde. now i think it’s me. this used to happen when i was in high school, too. when i was journaling all the time back then. so fucking weird.

kayla and i are on a week and a half break, not talking until the 18th or 20th or so, and it feels okay on my end. i’ve noticed i’ve completely stopped stressing about the relationship. but i’ve also noticed nobody texts me. kinda sucks! really sucks. i’m trying desperately to find people to go see challengers again with and nobody has the time. jack moves back today, finished their first year of college and i’m so proud of them. they’ll be closer next year which will be great. i am making a quick note here to say i’m soooo over the gabby luna sitch that i don’t even feel like writing about it. detaching myself. other people’s lives aren’t my own. and i certainly don’t need to worry about the lives of people who can’t even text me more than once every few months. jesus!

i don’t know. i feel so weird today. i couldn’t get myself up and at em today and spent all morning doomscrolling and watching SATC. yesterday i came home before leaving for work, sat down on the couch to catch my breath, and immediately started crying. couldn’t even figure out why. still don’t know! i’m not doing amazing, i don’t think. i was for a moment, when the cherry blossoms were out, but now i don’t know what to do with myself. i have the day off and i have no clue how to spend it. i might spend it watching tv all day, which i kind of want to do. could watch eternal sunshine and the social network and binge SATC. maybe i’ll put the footage i captured onto my computer. i need editing software so i can do something with it, though. lol! i did just get paid so i could shell out for FCP but i feel as though that’s unwise. is it? i have no clue. i guess maybe i need to just accept the loneliness i’m feeling, embrace it, stop trying to fill it or replace it. stop keeping myself busy and just be lonely, keep my own company. watch a lot of tv.

it’s funny how little i care about something after its time has passed. i was so excited to go see the barbie movie and then i didn’t, and now i doubt i’ll ever watch it. i have no wish to. i finally realized luna and i would never be real friends the way things stand right now, so i’ve stopped caring. javi doesn’t text me so i don’t text him anymore. everything comes and goes. once i know someone’s not interested in me i lose my crush on them completely. i forget about everything, and once i forget, it stops mattering even after i remember. this is actually a conversation i should be having in therapy because i can hear myself kinda spouting BS a little but i’m not sure how to call it on my own. high school was so awful and now it’s a million years ago. everything passes. life is a river and you never see the same wave twice. it’s probably not good for me that i haven’t written poetry in so long. though i remember i used to always say it was a “bad sign if i was writing poetry again”. truth is though, if i’m doing badly i should be writing about it. i’m trying to convince myself to start making art again. fill up my sketchbook with whatever. rip myself from my phone and put my anxious energy into my art. whatever that art is. i just feel so pathetic lately. so nothing. i feel like i could melt away and i would be as much use to the world as a puddle. sometimes i feel like i’m just here to entertain everyone else and i’m not living for myself. everyone loves me, everyone cares about me, everyone’s happy to see me, but nobody wants to spend time with me. nobody reaches out unless i reach my hand out first. nobody even has the time to go to a fucking movie with me. i’m just the eternal manic pixie dream girl. kayla reaches out, i guess. but that’s something else. we don’t have anything to say to each other. when i’m with her i don’t have any passions or dreams or aspirations. i’m just a body next to hers. old wise man with a guiding light when she needs it. and it doesn’t feel good, and it’s not her fault. it’s completely inexplicable.

anyway i’m sad. obviously LOL this is such a depressive pessimistic entry. i’m trying to quit biting my cuticles and i’m not doing well at it. i keep forgetting until i’ve already got the skin half-ripped between my teeth. and by then, might as well. i’m so over begging for company. people can come to me. people can make plans with me. people can do that or i can do things on my own, like always. maybe i want to be alone because i know every book and therapist and person will tell me this is an awful plan. no good to stop trying with other people. but i want to. i’m tired of trying. and i know i’m loved, i know i’m cared about. i’ve just started to feel like a monkey with cymbals in their hands. everyone’s off doing something important with their life, going somewhere, working towards something, caring and living and i’m the little kid on the couch, just waiting till they come home. i don’t feel like my own person anymore. i keep checking my messages, obsessively, looking for that little red dot. WHAT ever. it’s cold out and i finished my coffee and i feel very small.

[localwindmage]

Okay, I refuse to say who I am (all I'll say is you know me through ST) but I'm asking on here because this isn't directly related to skib BUT.

I absolutely ADORE your art. No, that doesn't do it justice. I am GUSHING over your art. It's so YUMMY and DELICIOUS and DELECTABLE and EXTRAVAGANT UONSIINOJKSNJKNSKJN /platonic

Like. How???? Just how??? How do you do it CCTV????? You literally ACE anatomy, everytime I've tried to start a drawing in the past,,, what, month? maybe more? I start with the head, have to restart about 15 times and then give up and cry in a corner. You can like. Make such pretty drawings with amazing posing. If it's not clear already I am in awe

AND. ANIMATION. You've made like 3 animations so far and ALL of them are REALLY good. How do you get so good at it so quickly. Either you had experience before krita animation or you're using some sort of dark magic

OH YEAH you use Krita. That's an accomplishment of its own. I tried Krita once and got immediately overwhelmed by the UI and uninstalled it

You're like a big inspo to me n stuffs and your also a really cool and nicies person outside of your art aswell!!

OKAY lastly. The character design. They're just SO unique like there's so many amazing oc's on this site but yours are just so. nrgghhhhhhh /pos /gen

Okay that's all. Sorry for the wall of text!!

(feel free to delete this ask if this makes you feel uncomfies n stuff!!)

I DO NOT HAVE A JAWDROP EMOJI ON ME BUT THIS MADE ME GAPE MY MOUTH OPEN READING /POS

iwiwuhsnrfkfhg thank you so much 😭 this means a whole lot to me

I accidentally rambled too hard so I’m putting it under a cut lmao

I never considered myself really good at anatomy, but I have a huge thing for like. Robot or doll anatomy. Not the same as human anatomy but it scratches the itch in my brain a lot tehee

I also always forget, a LOT of my poses are pretty dynamic. Funny thing is, back when I started dynamic posing, I didn’t even know what dynamic meant 😭 so every time someone said “that pose is so dynamic” my idiot brain would go “? no it’s not?” because I’ve just gotten so used to it

Krita was automatically installed on the computer I use (it’s an art computer so it has like a HUUUGE SCREEN to draw on it’s brilliant) and admittedly I had the outdated version for YEARS 😭 I wasn’t aware until watching like 200 animation tutorials because they all had new features I didn’t)

But also the best thing abt Krita is, it’s free! And I’ll confess, when I started out on Krita, I BARELY used like 95% of the stuff, hell, I didn’t even know what LAYERS were at the time (I was an MS Painter in my early days) so I completely understand how overwhelming it is, but after like… SIX years, I finally get at least half of it now! The fact it’s free but has SO MUCH you can use is actually brilliant!

With animations, I’ll say, IT’S PAINFUL AS FUCK it’s actually very stressful but fun at the same time, and often, despite how low quality my animations are, they’re worth all the pain at the end of the day. Never judge an animator ever again, that shit’s HARD. Audio syncing is Even Harder (ESPECIALLY ON KRITA BECAUSE IT GOES OUT OF SYNC IF YOU DON’T ALWAYS PLAY IT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING)

As for character design… I don’t even know </3 whatever comes in my head happens really. I have nothing on this one besides like. Inspo coming from places every now and then but that’s all.

I’ve been doing art for about 8 years now, and in those 8 years, general society would assume you’re a master artist by then, but that’s simply not true. EVERYONE has their own different pacing, patience (especially patience), style and motivation. One of my irl friends learnt human anatomy in Less Than A Month and meanwhile I’ve been drawing solely cartoons my whole 8 years.

When it comes to art, Bad Art Is Always Good. You NEED to start off somewhere, and every “bad” art you make, you have something to learn from it! Not to mention, art is a Self Expression! If it’s bad, sometimes you can let it be bad! THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG IN ART!!! If you see art tutorials like “YOURE DRAWING X WRONG, DRAW IT LIKE THIS” uh fuck those tutorials really.

Art tutorials should merely be advice and suggestions, but not a MUST DO. Maybe you can follow the ‘correct’ way or you can just go “ok” and keep doing what you originally do. It’s YOUR art and it should be for YOUR satisfaction

Btw, TRACING CAN BE GOOD FOR PRACTISE AS LONG AS YOU DON’T CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN ART AND PRETEND YOU DIDN’T TRACE! Whenever tracing poses or such, always credit the image you traced off of and, please refrain from tracing other artists!! References are EXTREMELY helpful so you can get the basic shapes and such, and some art tutorials can be REALLY good, especially if you hope to learn rendering!

Also, I’m a cartoonist saying this, but LEARN ANATOMY! My favourite rule in art I’ve learnt is, LEARN THE RULES, SO YOU LEARN HOW TO BREAK THEM. Art is freedom. Draw whatever the hell you want. Will it be bad? Sure it can be, but that’s part of the fun too! Express yourself and embrace the art you make!

And if you decide AI generation counts as art, sincerely, you’re not welcome here. /srs

[chippedaxe]

yessss for karl?! omg yess please pleas please can you write a dom step sis! reader ruining innocent stepbro! karl!!

like she teases him and he just isn’t experienced at all and she just fucking destroys him, wanking him until the sensitive little bunny is crying and begging to stop from overstimulation

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Title: Silly Boy

Warnings: !TW: STEPCEST!, NSFW (Minors DNI), cursing, corruption ig, blackmail, degrading, teasing, humiliation, penis degrading, small penis, overstimulation

Pronouns: She/her Afab

Synopsis: The reader dominates Karl and knocks him down a peg.

Word count: 2k

Note: If this type of content offends you in any way then please just ignore it, I have tons of other content on my page that isn't stepcest content and you're able to blockout any stepcest content by blocking the 'tw sepcest' or 'stepcest cw' tag <3

- This prolly isn't what u wanted but I thought of this and wanted to write it! also this hasn't been proofread and it hasn't been edited at all!

*Btw Veruca Salt is a spoiled kid that gets everything she wants, from Charlie and the chocolate factory.

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Your eyes glared down at the younger boy, towering over him to show dominance "S-sis, what're you doing?" Karl asked "Trying to scare you, is it working?" you leaned down and kept eye contact with the stammering boy "u-um not really.." he stuttered out "then why're you stuttering over your words? You're obviously intimidated." you placed your hands on your hips.

"Well why're you trying to intimidate me? I'm just trying to read this book!" he groaned "Because someone has to knock you down a peg, you think just because you're younger that you can get everything you want? Well not if I can help it!" you were furious by the boy.

"What're you on about? What've I done to you?" Karl asked worriedly "You've been asking for a whole lot this week, veruca salt!" you threw your arms in the air and started pacing around him and his chair "What? Like what?" Karl was utterly confused "You've been asking for non-stop rides to your friends houses, and you've been leaving your laundry around for mother to do!" you cross your arms.

"You're overreacting!" Karl complained "Oh I'm not done! You've also been taking money from mom's purse!" you called him out "What- how did you know about that??" Karl immediately became tense "Oh you look so stressed dear brother, just relax- don't worry... I'm not gonna tell her-" Karl sighed in relief "Oh thank god" and got cut off by you finishing your sentence "-If you promise to be a good brother and listen to what your stepsister says!" you finished.

"WHAT? No way! I'm telling mom and dad!" He began to stand up but you pushed him back down "Oh no no no, you're gonna tell them what? That you stole the $200 that mom presumed was stolen by a thief? You gonna explain that to her after she already called authorities and had someone sent to jail?" you spat venom at him.

"You're evil!" Karl shouted "Me? Evil? I'm not the thief here" you grinned mischievously "Although I could be- if you don't wanna have to do everything I say then just give me something precious you own" you held your hand out expectantly "What am I supposed to give you? My soul?" Karl questioned "If you can bare to part with it then yes" you gave a mean smile in response to his sarcasm.

"I have literally nothing!" Karl exclaimed "You have your phone" you suggested "Dad would kill me if he found out I'd given it away!" He shouted "he'd kill you if he found out about that money too" you reminded him "I- I could give you... I'll let you date one of my friends!" Karl smiled nervously as he hoped you'd agree "What friends? You're a nerd, no one would want to be friends with you" snickered.

"S-Sapnap! He's strong, he loves animals, he has big muscles!" Karl said "The brute with dark hair? He's cute but not my type" you yawned "U-m.. Quackity?" a bead of sweat dropped down his face "He's super cool, really funny!" Karl was starting to worry as he was already running out of friends to pair you with "No.. My type is nerdy boys that I can dominate, ones that get nervous a lot and stutter over their sentences" you hinted.

"Oh- like Wilbur? I'm not really his friend but I can try something!!" Karl wasn't getting the hint "No, I was thinking more specifically towards someone like you." you finally told him "M-me? But I'm your brother!" Karl was in disbelief "Step-brother. And I don't really like you, I just think that you're pitiful and if you're gonna be selling someone's body to me in exchange to keep your secrets safe than it may as well be yours." you explained.

"But- Well- I've never done that before!" he put his hands up defensively "Well obviously, who would want to touch a greasy nerd like you?" you sighed. "Well- No, that's wrong!" he shook his head "Well I'm not gonna make you, just give me something else then and I'll be on my way" you told him. Karl looked down at his feet for a moment as he mulled over what was happening and what decision he was gonna make.

Karl lifted his head and made eye contact with you "Okay." he replied "Okay what? Okay you're gonna give me something?" you asked "No- I mean- okay I'm gonna give you my body" he mumbled quietly "Gonna need to speak up, can't hear you over the sound of our parents crying over having such a disappointing child" you ridiculed him.

"I'll give you my body, damnit!" he yelled "hey- quiet down, our parents are only just down stairs!" you made him shut up. "Whatever" he leaned back in his chair and slumped down "Karl. You need to give me your full consent, you can't just go 'yea whatever' and expect me to be fine with that!" you furrowed your eyebrows "Why?? What- do you need me to beg you for it?!" he was getting aggravated.

"Actually yes, I do" you decided to torment him a little bit "Big sis, please please please fuck this desperate loser" he put his hands together to make a praying gesture as he mocked you "That's more like it, runt." you grabbed his chin and forced him to face you "We can stop at any time, if you choose not to speak up then that'll be your fault" you made sure he was fully aware that he had a say even though he wasn't in control.

"Thanks. Now- how do we?" Karl was now confused on what you were gonna do, and he was having some type of delusion that he was gonna be the one in charge dominating you. "I think I'm just gonna have some fun by jerking you off, is that okay bunny?" you teased "W-what do you mean you're gonna jerk me off?" Karl asked nervously "I'm gonna stroke your dick, never done that before?" you bullied him.

"N-no, never even thought about it.." his face became red and flushed, you slowly slid onto his lap and straddled his leg "No? You haven't? Are you lying to your big sister? That's not very nice you know, Mom always told me that you shouldn't lie (Unless it's to your dad) " Karl glanced away from you and tried to hide his face "Aw you can tell me the truth, I'm a good listener after all!" you encouraged him "I haven't.." he persisted.

"Well then let me introduce you to the pleasure that is being jerked off, slide your pants down" you instructed "What? Do I have to.." he was clearly embarrassed "No. I guess I could just palm you through your pants" you shrugged. Karl sighed in relief and let out a small breath, tilting his head back in the chair and waiting for you to do what you wanted.

Your hand dipped between his legs, your palm rubbing his growing bulge "H-Hey that feels weird" he told you "So what? You want me to stop?" he shut his mouth, encouraging you to keep palming him. "This would feel a lot better if you let your cock free, instead your trapping it in your tight pants and strangling it.." you frowned "F-fine.." Karl blushed as he slowly pulled his pants down.

You watched in delight as he released his penis "Oh is this what you were worried about?" you stared down at it "O-Oh god-" Karl felt humiliated and went to put it away but you stopped him "It's cute.. I wouldn't expect a nerd's penis to be big anyways" you told him. Karl's little cock twitched at your words, moving slightly on its own "oh. my. god. You LIKE when I'm mean to you! That's why you never argue back! It all makes sense now.." Karl looked down to avert eye contact.

"That's perfect Karl, you love when I'm mean to you- and I love to make fun of you! Win Win!" you felt a small rush of excitement. Your hand wrapped around his cock which forced a choked out moan from him, his hands moving to cover his face "you're acting quite rude Karl. Look at your big sister when she's talking to you!" you ordered.

Karl slowly revealed his face, revealing how much pleasure he was having. "F-Feel's weird, let go!" he ushered you to let go of his penis, even though his body disagreed; his hips bucking up into your hand to help finish him off "Trust your big sister." you said as you continued to pump your hand around his cock. "Fuck! Fuck you!" Karl's whole body shuddered as he was having an orgasm, his penis twitching in your hand.

"Wow Karl, that was rude." you huffed and narrowed your eyes, your hand still lingering on his crotch "A-are you done now?" Karl panted as he was trying to catch his breath "Done? I've barely even started!" you laughed maniacally as you began to slowly stroke him again "Ah- no no no, that's too much!" Karl whined. "You want me to stop?" you asked him "Yes!" he exclaimed so you let go and pulled away "What?" Karl was confused and a bit upset "Hm? What is it?" you asked "You're just.. done?" he looked saddened.

"You told me to stop!" you explained "yeah but.. I didn't really mean it.." Karl's cheeks were dusted red "Well come back here then" you grabbed his hips and forced him back down onto his chair. Karl was already eager and bucking his hips up against you, your hand grabbed him again and started to jerk him off "Ah!- Ah-" Karl tried to keep quiet but couldn't help the escaped noises that came out.

You placed your free hand over his mouth to try and muffle his moans, his voice vibrating against your hand "You can never be quiet! Always have something to say, don't you?" you rolled your eyes at him. Karl clenched his eyes shut and tapped the chair repeatedly with his hand to let you know he was ready to cum again, you let him release his load yet again but you didn't remove your hand.

"A-Again?? I can only take so much.." Karl whimpered and whined "You're feeling this way already? But I've only just started!" You frowned "Well I guess I can give you a break now but there won't be any breaks later on when our parents go out to dinner." you stood up and got off him. "T-Thanks.." Karl huffed "For what?" you asked "Thanks for um- pleasuring me?" you scoffed and walked back to your room, ready to return at night time when you had Karl all to yourself.

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*guys lemme know if u want a part 2 bc I could certainly make one of the reader x karl at night time after their parents have left.

[nugnthopkns]

i wish i could disappear

word count: 3.6k

warnings: explicit!fem reader, cursing, feelings of anxiety due to social media harassment, invasion of privacy that border on stalking

recommended listening: brutal | olivia rodrigo

series masterpost: here

a/n: and we're off to the races!! i love this album and olivia so much. there's a shoutout to goon by tobias jesso jr. in here bc it's my favourite album to cry to lmao (highly recommend giving it a listen!). i'm on the fence about this one but am posting it anyways because i don't think i can make it any better

How the fuck do people find your social media?

All of your accounts are private and Kevin makes sure to never tag you on the rare occasion he posts a picture of the two of you together. The wives and girlfriends who have public accounts make sure to never post about you, and you’re careful not to comment on posts often. You’re a private person and though you understand that due to the nature of your relationship with Kevin you intrigue some fans, you don’t want to give them more than you have to.

Despite making no attempt to open up to the public or media, every day you wake up with hundreds of follow requests from complete strangers. At first it was a little exciting knowing that people were curious about your life but after years of the same routine it’s become draining. It takes you nearly twenty minutes each day to weed through them and accept only the people you know personally. Kevin doesn’t actually know how many people want to catch a glimpse of your daily life because you do your best to keep it from him. Knowing would only bring him stress, and you want him to be able to focus on winning games and loving you with his entire heart.

☼☼☼☼

The phone on your desk rings loudly, pulling your attention away from the computer screen that has way too many numbers on it for your liking. The finance department needed someone to proof their audit before sending it away and since you’re the only one in human relations that has a business degree the job landed on your shoulders. Eager to take a break, you pick it up and press the receiver against your ear.

“Hello?”

The voice on the other side laughs gently, but you immediately know it’s Kevin. “Hi sweetheart,” he says warmly, “How’s work?”

“Fine I guess. It’s work, Kev. Nothing terribly exciting happens here,” you explain but continue to fill him in on all the coffee pot gossip you got this morning. Kevin listens as you complain about forgetting your lunch on the counter and chuckles at how upset the situation makes you.

“What if I told you I’m outside your window with a burrito bowl?”

Excited at the possibility of seeing your boyfriend before dinnertime, you whip towards the window and spot Kevin on the sidewalk, waving like an idiot despite knowing your office is on the fifth floor. You hang up quickly after telling him you’ll be down in two minutes and let the receptionist know you’re stepping out for lunch. There’s a line for the elevator so you head to the stairwell, taking them two at a time in your haste. You’re crossing the street to the small park where Kevin has set up a picnic before your co-workers are even out the door.

You plop down on the blanket beside Kevin and lean into him. He presses a sweet kiss to your forehead before passing you the food he brought. You take a bite, sighing at the taste. Kevin knows you better than you know yourself and knew exactly what to get that would satisfy your mounting hunger.

“Thanks babe,” you smile, holding up your fork and offering him a bite. He takes it graciously but makes a face. “What’s the matter?” you laugh as you take the utensil back.

“I fucking hate avocado.”

The two of you eat in relative silence, speaking only when you remember a detail from your morning. Kevin tells you about the drills he’s going to lead at practice in the afternoon and what he plans on cooking for dinner since he’ll be home before you. You insist you can whip something up when you get home but Kevin shakes his head. He reminds you that relationships are give and take, and that you’ve made dinner the past three nights because he had a string of games. You manage to reach a compromise that has you doing the dishes before you have to return to work.

Kevin insists on walking you back to your office even though you protest vehemently. Your relationship is far from secret, and has been the topic of workplace gossip more times than you can count, but after five years you’ve learned to ignore most of it. However, you don’t want your co-workers to think you flaunt your NHL player boyfriend to prove you’re better than them. They all love Kevin, and a couple of them congratulate him on last night’s goal as he follows you down the hall. A few of the newer hires stare in awe and shake his hand, completely blown away that one of Philadelphia’s biggest stars is asking how they like their jobs.

“Pretty soon they’re going to approach you to do PR for us,” you chuckle as you flip the light on and close the door of your office.

His laughter echoes off the walls as a pair of strong arms find a home around your waist. “It would be kind of fun to hear myself crush those radio commercials.”

“Since when do you listen to the radio?”

“Checkmate,” Kevin sighs, pulling you closer. He kisses you quickly, not wanting to give a show to anyone who could be walking past, but it still sends you reeling. You don’t want him to pull away and kiss him again.

You get your way for a few more moments and then Kevin’s leaving with a promise to not burn the house down and wishes for a good rest of the day. Focussed on giving the audit its final once-over you don’t bother pulling your phone from the drawer you had placed it in when you got to work that morning. You turn up the small radio at the corner of your desk and get to work scanning the document for errors. There’s a mistake halfway through that skews the rest of the data and fixing it takes a bit of time, but it isn’t a huge deal. You have nothing else to do except answer a few emails and organize meetings for after the weekend.

An hour or so later you’ve completed all your tasks and debate what to do. It’s too early to leave for the day, so you decide to kill time by checking your phone. You’re expecting a few notifications, perhaps two or three memes in the group chat you share with your friends, but not the hundreds that greet you.

The majority of them are instagram notifications, and assuming they’re just more fans requesting a follow you ignore them, instead heading to your text messages. There’s a picture from Kevin of a dog he found walking home and another from your mom asking why you haven’t called home in a few weeks. However the one from Claude’s wife is the one that piques your curiosity.

Just a heads up that someone posted a pic of you and Kev to one of those stupid wag pages. I filed a request for Instagram to take it down but it’s gotten a lot of traction. Sorry :((

Your heartbeat increases rapidly and a million thoughts fly through your head at a rapid speed. Fingers shaking, you respond with a thanks and open up the dreaded app. You don’t see it immediately, your feed being full of photos belonging to friends and family, but it’s in your messages almost two hundred times. Many of them have text attached and you know there will be a comment about your relationship regardless of which one you open.

Tapping on the most recent message you brace yourself for the worst. The new window opens a photo someone took of you and Kevin while eating lunch in the park across from your office not even three hours prior. It’s grainy and the camera angle is strange, but you’re eating and Kevin is looking somewhere out of frame. The accompanying caption reads Kev and his girlfriend out for lunch today! Follow @philllywagupdates for more :).

You let out a sigh of relief – it could have been a lot worse. Personal pictures of yourself have made it onto pages like that before and most of them they’re paired with mean-spirited captions about your appearance or other trivial matters. Assuming you’re in the clear, you head back to the page of the original message to thank the person for bringing the post to your attention. However, the message accompanying the post is anything but positive.

He can’t even fucking look at you. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves you

The blood in your veins runs cold. You know it’s not true – Kevin’s made it clear you’re the one and truthfully you’re just waiting for a ring – but it doesn’t stop the sting you feel. What could possess someone to say such horrible things? You decide not to respond despite, possibly opening another can of worms with the seen function, and close the app. Leaning back in your office chair you focus on anything but your phone, looking out the window at passersby while regaining your breath. It works for a while, but eventually not knowing what others said eats away at you. You go through every single message to see hundreds of similar comments to the first, with only a few saying they’re glad you’re happy or how posting the picture is a violation of your privacy.

By the time you’re finished your spirit has been crushed. However, it’s also an acceptable time to start the weekend – at least no one in the office will have to see you cry. Things are hastily packed into your bag and you wave a few quick goodbyes before once again taking the stairs. You curse yourself for deciding to walk to work that morning and set off in the direction of home wiping away tears. The last thing you need right now is for someone to recognize you, but you have to get home. Tobias Jesso Jr plays at much too loud a volume through your headphones and Kevin will most certainly remind you it’s bad for your hearing, but the melancholy piano riffs of Goon overpower the thoughts swirling around your head.

Do people really feel that way about me?

Are my friends just too nice to stop inviting me places?

Does Kevin really feel trapped?

Hundreds of similar sentiments and situations cross your mind as you stumble through the streets of downtown Philadelphia, but you force them as far back as possible before opening the door to the apartment you share with Kevin. Hoping to slip inside undetected, you take your shoes off slowly and throw your jacket on the end table instead of hanging it in the closet. Your plan fails somehow and Kevin hears you, greeting you in a goofy apron covered in flour.

“Hey sweetheart,” he smiles, but it drops once your eyes meet and he sees the hurt on your face. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” you insist, trying to step around him in pursuit of the bathroom.

Kevin doesn’t buy it and sees right through your feeble words. “It’s not nothing if you’re this upset. If you don’t want to talk now that’s fine, but I think you should get it off your chest.”

You know he’s right, but you also know you can’t tell him the true cause of your despair. “Just some work stuff,” you sigh. “The audit got all fucked up and I had to fix it even though it’s not my job.”

It’s not technically a lie, which makes you feel better, and Kevin buys it. He presses a sweet kiss to your lips in sympathy. “Go take a shower and the gnocchi should be ready by the time you’re done. We can spend the night cuddling on the couch.”

“And watching Selling Sunset?”

“We can watch whatever you want sweetheart,” he chuckles. You part from him with a final kiss and head to the bathroom. Hopefully the steam from the water will carry away the negativity brought on by that damn post.

☼☼☼☼

Time passes but the hateful comments on social media don’t stop. In fact, you’re pretty sure they get worse. It’s so bad that you’ve deleted every app except facebook because you need it for work. Kevin doesn’t notice your abstinence from social media, but he picks up on how you spend more time criticizing yourself or staring off into space. When he pushes you either brush him off or feed some bullshit excuse about how work is getting you down. You know he doesn’t believe you but trusts you enough to come to him when you’re ready to talk.

You aren’t sure if you’ll ever be able to tell Kevin what’s been going on. There’s been scrutiny from social media before, when you first started dating, but it quieted down after the initial media frenzy. He helped you through that but it’s different this time around. Never before have you had strangers tell you your life is worthless or that your boyfriend should end your relationship. Some of the other wags notice your absence on instagram but chalk it up to you just taking a break. They reach out via the group chat and send wishes to see you at the next home game. It’s nice to know they care, but the voice in your head that has grown much larger in recent weeks tells you they don’t truly mean it. This leads you to decline the invite as politely as possible, citing extended work hours for your absence. In reality you’re too anxious to be anywhere that isn’t home or work, petrified someone is going to post something that will add fuel to the flames of those who interrogate you.

It’s another Friday afternoon, and you’re leaving the office early once again. There’s a small craft exhibition taking place around the corner from work and today is the last day it’s open. You had been meaning to go all week, hoping to find something small to add to Kevin’s birthday gift. As you step out of the building there’s a small group of young women, who don’t look old enough to have graduated college, standing off to the side. It fills you with dread, worried that somehow someone found out where you work and the insults are going to start occurring verbally, but you force yourself to be rational. You work fairly close to one of the artsier districts in the city and it’s more than likely they just want to find a cute mural to take pictures in front of.

You pass by and swear you hear them snicker, but you remind yourself you’ve just been jumpy lately. When they peel from their place on the wall and follow behind at a distance you think the coincidences are running out. It seems a little too strange how their movements line up with yours, and you go down a few winding side streets in an attempt to lose them. Part of you feels ridiculous because what group of barely legal girls would track a full-blown adult around a city of nearly two million people, but your life is currently strange enough you can’t be sure. They don’t follow you, and by the time you reach the market your heart rate has returned to normal.

The first few stalls have little to catch your eye, but a few rows in you find a leatherworker who makes adorable wallets. Kevin’s is ridiculously old and falling apart at the seams – his mom bought it for him before the two of you got together. You think a new one will make a perfect addition to the concert tickets you already bought and browse the table for something simple and elegant. A deep brown one with tan braiding around the edges catches your eye and you know it’s the one for Kevin. Checking the price to make sure you have enough cash in your wallet, you approach the shop owner to purchase. The older man has a kind smile that reaches his eyes as he thanks you for purchasing from him.

“No, thank you for making something so beautiful!” you gush. “My boyfriend is going to love it.”

It’s then you hear it – snickering accompanied by the click of a camera. You look over your shoulder to see the same group of girls from before laughing as they huddle over a cell phone, no doubt already starting to broadcast the photo across the internet. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes but you refuse to let them fall. Those girls don’t deserve to see their mission accomplished, but the longer they laugh at you the harder it is to swallow your feelings.

Head held high, you thank the owner one more time before holding your head high and walking past the group. The only way out is past them so you hold your breath and pray they don’t notice you. Unfortunately you aren’t that lucky, and one of them looks up just as you come into earshot.

“If Kevin doesn’t leave you after that sorry excuse for a gift I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” she sneers.

Another one chimes in, “You’re honestly so pathetic.” They all cackle in amusement, and you speed up. The tears flow freely now, and you call an uber even though it will be a ridiculous amount of money. You just want to get home.

The uber driver doesn’t say anything when you get in, though you know it’s strange to be bawling your eyes out at four in the afternoon. You can’t help it – weeks of keeping all the hate to yourself finally got to you and being followed with the sole intent of ridicule is the final straw. At one red light he silently passes you a box of tissues, which you accept gratefully.

Luckily the lobby of your apartment complex is empty and you manage to get to your floor without encountering a familiar face. There’s a few hours until Kevin gets home from his final roadtrip of the season, and if you play your cards right you can get all the tears out and be as normal as possible before he comes through the door. You don’t even bother to put anything away, just head straight to the bathroom to slump against the tub. Sobs rack your body and you lose all sense of time. All you can feel is the hurt you’ve been holding in releasing itself and soaking the material of your blouse.

Kevin finds you laying in the position hours later. He tripped over your shoes coming in the door and immediately knew something was wrong – you always place them neatly on the rack in the closet upon arriving home. Peering through the quiet house for a hint at where you are, he sees the bathroom light on and makes a beeline for the room. It breaks his heart to see you like this, and even more so because he doesn’t know what spurred it on.

“Sweetheart, hey,” he coos, maneuvering his body to sit beside you and pull you into his lap. “What’s the matter?”

You bury your head in his shoulder and clutch the material of his dress shirt as you cry harder at the sound of his voice. Kevin takes your reaction in stride, rubbing circles on your back and working on evening out your breath. He doesn’t pressure you to speak and provides the stability you desperately crave as the world around you spins. An unknown amount of time passes before your tears run out, but spend it all on the bathroom floor curled into Kevin.

“I guess I should have told you sooner,” you mumble, “But I didn’t want to bother you.”

Concern laces Kevin’s features and his eyebrows knit together. “Tell me what?”

“I, uh, have been the subject of some internet hate for the past little bit,” you say sheepishly. It feels stupid to not have told him now, but you can’t change that. “But you were really busy with the season and I wanted to make sure your head was completely focused on the game so I just dealt with it myself. I deleted the apps and tried my best to go about my life. And then today after work I was followed by some people and they said some really hurtful stuff and shit became a little too real.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

It’s your turn to be confused. “Why are you sorry Kev? You're Not the one sending me death threats.”

He tucks a loose strand of hair back into your ponytail. “Maybe not, but I still made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about what was going on. What kind of partner am I?”

“The best one,” you say confidently. “It’s okay, I’m okay. I just want to forget about it right now. Can we just disappear for a little bit?”

Kevin wraps his arms around you tighter, as if he can engulf you to protect from the cruel outside world. “We can do whatever you want. If you want to get out of the city for a bit if you want, or just spend the next few days here away from prying eyes.”

“I love you.”

You say it because you mean it, and if you could scream it from the rooftops you would. Kevin is incredibly easy to love, even when you make it difficult for him to love you back. You know another much longer conversation is coming about everything that has happened recently because communication is the only way to solve problems and Kevin deserves that, but you’re thankful he’s willing to put it to rest for a few more moments.

He cracks a smile for the first time since he’s been home and kisses the crown of your head. “I love you too sweetheart,” he whispers, “Always and forever.”

Things are far from over and though you still never want to show your face in public ever again, you know that Kevin is going to do whatever he can to make things better and that’s enough for you.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @ricohenrique @tortito @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @himbos-on-ice @2manytabsopen if you want to be added just shoot me an ask :)

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Hi! How are you doing? ^^ ☆

Just wanted to know if you could make a headcanon about how would it be like after an argument with Armin? Please

Tysm for reading me, I love your work ♡♡♡

You're so sweet and nice ♡ of course I'd love to do one and tbh we must be on the same wavelength because i was just thinking about that yesterday!!!

I really liked your idea so imma do both a scenario and a headcanon! Hope you don't mind?

After an argument with Armin

{ Armin x reader | tw: hurt/comfort, self-image issues | angst with happy ending | modern }

{ "Moonlit View" byOscar Kleineh 1846 - 1919 }

Being with Armin had its many, many perks, one being that he's really empathetic and understanding, he doesn't assume things without evidence and knows misunderstandings happen.

When facing problems or disagreements, he thinks of a solution, not argue. He rather you work together against the problem than against each other.

Whenever you were in a bad mood he'd assume the best and think of what might have caused it instead of taking it personally, he knows you still love him, he knows you're just stressed. Maybe comfort could help? Maybe a lovely cuddly evening? Or maybe you need some space?

He's just really good at reading people's emotions and handling these situations, thanks to his efforts you both successfully managed to avoid any kind of arguments or fights most couples go through.

Which is why it was a shocking surprise to everyone when Eren got a call from Armin late at night, asking if he can stay over because you two just had, what he described as, the biggest fight.

Eren almost didn't believe him at first, he thought Armin was playing a prank on him. But then he heard the quivering in his voice and the hiccup that followed. Armin was crying, things were serious.

The last thing he said to you while putting his coat on was "I'm sorry, I'm weak, you and I know that."

Him saying that, in that tone, with those tearful eyes, made you want to get up and yell at him that no he isn't. He shouldn't just say that about himself like it's a fact and not just the results of years of self-doubt.

You wanted to hug him, to pull him closer till all those awful thoughts leave his head, till he sees at himself like how you see him, incredibly brave and determined.

But you didn't, you stayed there on the couch as he put his shoes on. His eyes pleading for you to say something, anything. To tell him to stay, to come sit near you. He even looked at you one last time before opening the door.

As you stared at him in silence, the realisation that you don't even remember what you were fighting about hit you, you can't, how could you? The minute the door closed behind him is when you realised how real the situation is.

How quiet the house is.

Has it always been this cold?

And just how much worried you are about him.

It hasn't been a full minute and you're missing him already.

—

It's 4am

It's hours since he left, how much exactly? You can't even remember.

Still haven't moved from the couch, you're not sure what you're feeling, you've been going through different emotions each hour.

Guilt, sadness, regret, anger, denial, pessimism, you name it.

It doesn't matter, none of that really matters to you right now. It's Armin who you've been worried about for a while that matter.

You know for a fact Eren and Mikasa aren't the most emotionally open people, you know Armin is already struggling with letting out his emotions without feeling needless guilt or shame.

You know he needs someone right now, he needs a shoulder to cry on and a reassuring voice. You've been both these things for him since even before you got together.

Just like he has been these things for you too. You need that someone just as much now. You didn't even know it's possible to feel this lonely.

Is he also thinking about you? Is he sleeping soundly on Eren’s couch? Or is that one stain from last week's party bothering him?

...is he just as miserable as you are right now? Probably not, you think. He's far stronger than he gives himself credit for, you know that better than everyone else.

Your thought process gets interrupted by a buzz from your phone, a text. Your eyes light up, you pull the blanket you dragged from the bed tighter around you, it's Armin.

[ hey ] it said, [is it okay if i call you?]

You reply back, he starts typing again, you stare at those three dots like your life depends on them.

[Okay, give me a minute please ]

You pull the phone closer to you, it's brightness contratsing against the dark living room. Some minutes pass...nothing, you feel your heartbeat rising. Phone still clutched in your hands.

It rings, it doesn't get past the second ring before you've pressed the accept button. You can hear the wind on the other side, alongside the distant sound of passing cars. Your heart only slows down after hearing the fimilar and oh so lovely sound of soft breathing

Suddenly the world doesnt seem so dim anymore.

"Sorry, it took more time than i thought, Eren keeps his keys in really weird places...I hope i didn't make you worry"

Oh If only he knew..

Dozens of possible replies run through your mind.

I missed you, did you miss me too?

Please come back, I hate feeling this lonely.

How does it feel to take my heart and run away?

Was your voice always this captivating or am i just high on sleep-deprevation?

I miss your kisses, i wish i could feel your lips against mine. Could you kiss me through the phone?

...in the end, you settle for "It's okay" you say, "It's alright."

"That's good...hey listen." You listen, "I'm not going to skirt around the subject, i called because" he takes a deep breath, "i want to apologise for how i acted, for what i said, both to you and myself."

Hearing him admit to his faults and own up to his mistakes, fills you with courage to do the same. You apologise, you mention how you've been thinking about him, you leave out the embarrassing parts.

You tell him you love him, and miss him.

You're met with silence. So you call out his name.

"Wait..you're not mad at me?" He says.

What? Mad? You?

"No." You say. "Why would you think that?"

You hear a chuckle that evolves into a laugh, it's contagious.

"Fuck...oh god I'm...im so stupid, i left because I thought you were mad and didn't bother you more by making you look at me." Even he seems to realise just how ridiculous that concept is.

It's 5am now, you're both laughing over the phone. The world is good again.

You ask if he's mad at you.

He instantly replies with a no.

"I could never be mad at you..." he says, "I love you so much it hurts. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before that it terrfies me, I'm scared one day I'll wake up and you won't be beside me anymore, you've made me love myself in ways i never though i would, you made me believe in myself because you believed in me."

{ Headcanons }

After an argument, Armin tries giving both of you space to calm down.

It doesn't last long because he will approach you after and talk about his emotions and explains why he did the things he did. He will also apologise for the things he did wrong like yelling or saying something hurtful.

If you give him the okay, he will instantly hug you. Physical touch is a great comfort for him so don't expect him letting you go anytime soon.

He will hold your face gently, tell you how much he missed you despite it being only hours.

Doesn't even care about the argument anymore or attempt to bring it up, he just wants to make up asap.

You're both gonna have a heartfelt conversation and actually process your emotions together. As a result you two come out stronger and closer after each argument.

He doesn't hold grudges, so he won't ever act passive aggressive after an argument. if he's got a problem he will tell you.

Just 100% honestly and transparency with this golden boy.

Will want to spend more time together post argument, he will really love it if you watch something together or you let him read you something.

Give him love and affaction, he loves you deeply it's actually rare these days.

When you go to sleep on those nights, he will hold you tighter and stroke your back.

He doesn't hold grudges yet he still remembers each fight you had and instead of it being a sour memory, he thinks of it as a learning block. Just a step towards understanding each other more.

Pamper him more after an argument and he will feel so loved, hearts in his eyes as you brush his morning hair.

[whumpzone]

Tomas and Rowe - Part 16

in which everyone has a bad time. except kasia. he's having fun

Masterpost

taglist: @sola-whumping @just-another-whumper @misspelledwitch @looptheloup @briars7 @black-polarf @zipadeedooda-drabbles @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @rosesareviolentlyread @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @jazz-0307 @kestrelsparverius @whumpsy-daisies @whumpersworld @memoriesneverforget @sky-or-something-idfk @cupcakes-and-pain @frankieswhump @ihaventwritteninsolong @mybrokenlittletoy @kiretto-laorentze @morelikepainsley @lavmars @tears-and-lilies @whump-me-all-night-long @newbornwhumperfly @itaina-anta @whump-it @haro-whumps @simplygrimly @alex-ember @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @mnmlover2002 @jordanstrophe @princessofonward @xmonster-under-the-bed @as-a-matter-of-whump @5boys1house @crystalrainwing @starnight-whump @chifechi @unicornscotty @penny-for-your-whump @getyourwhumphere @likeit-or-whumpit @jasm0307 @lightdrinker @hurting-fictional-people @captainseconds @glamrockgregory @justbreakonme @downrivergirl914 @cdragontogacotar @whumps-up @vaguelyhumanvoid @kim-poce @kween-pinescales

CW: pet whump, dehumanisation, force feeding, stress positions, references to mouth whump and burns

-

Rowe took to repeating the affirmations every day, whispering them past the newly empty gaps in his gums. When he did them, he could forget for a little while that he was going to die in his cell. At least he could die as something. He wouldn’t let Kasia turn him into an empty husk.

I have worth.

I don’t deserve pain.

I’m a person.

He was careful, of course, to lock them away when Kasia visited. He tried not to associate them with pain; he said them every day when he woke up, not when he was freshly hurting. He didn’t want to ever, ever, say them in front of Kasia.

He knew if he did it would just get him another beating, but they were his. They were precious. They were a relic of Master that Kasia couldn’t corrupt.

He just had to keep his stupid mouth shut when it mattered.

For the first time since his arrival here, Rowe spent a whole day alone. The hours ticked by as he started to see shapes in the floor, and wondered if Kasia would ever return. Was this it? Had he got bored already? Would Rowe be left to die and rot after less than a week, his capture so recent he could still feel Master’s hands in his?

In reality it only meant that when Kasia did come back the next day, Rowe despised himself for the brief flash of relief. The man he was at the mercy of had returned to torture him another day.

Kasia had brought more chains, and restraints, always in his duffle bag, and Rowe had quickly learnt to shrink away at the mere sight of it. Rowe stayed curled up on the floor as he entered, eyeing him like a kicked dog.

“Did you miss me, pup?”

“Please,” he replied hoarsely. “Please give me f-food. Please.”

Rowe would never have dared beg with his first Master. But he had always known that he would be fed, eventually, once he had learnt his lesson. And of course, he’d never needed to beg Master Tomas. But here, there weren’t any rules. Nothing was guaranteed. So fuck it, he might as well try to prolong his life.

“Today’s your lucky day. I actually brought something. You’ll have to earn it, though. No getting on my fucking nerves, yeah?”

You’re the one who chooses to come here, Rowe thought despairingly.

“Okay, okay, just please-“

“Didn’t you just hear me?” Kasia kicked him in the stomach and Rowe moaned. He nodded, wincing as the burns on his neck pressed together.

“Arms up, come on.”

. . .

Tomas had made it from the shower to the downstairs sofa, and he was content with that. Not proud, no, proud would imply he was happy with himself in some way, but at least he wasn’t completely catatonic today. Luca had texted saying to answer the door if it rang, and a part of Tomas still wanted to impress him, despite it all. So he had showered and brushed the last of the blood from his hair. God, how many days had it been?

A small movement on the floor caught his eye. A spider, out of reach, too far to feasibly get him. He felt acutely aware of his own apathy then, as instead of shrieking or running away, he just stared.

The chance of the spider hurting him was practically zero. And yet he was still afraid. Afraid of it crawling over his skin, afraid that it might come near him in the night when he was asleep and vulnerable, and although he knew deep down that it wouldn’t, there was always the possibility of it deciding to run up his leg at any given moment. Even being near it made him afraid.

He thought of Rowe. He felt like he understood something. He sighed.

Luca arrived not half an hour later, banging on the door and shouting for Tomas as if nothing was wrong.

“Hey! It’s me- don’t leave me outside on this cold night. I’m only an orphan boy.”

Tomas pulled the door open. He couldn’t smile, but seeing Luca felt like the weight in his stomach was lifted slightly.

“It’s not cold. And you’re not an orphan.”

“I am happy to see you, though,” Luca said calmly. He was holding a basket, its contents hidden under a teatowel. “I brought you a pull-yourself-together hamper. Some ready meals, dry shampoo, fruit, and stuff. And the teatowel. ‘Cause why not.”

Already Tomas could feel Luca’s warmth seeping into him. He put a hand over his mouth and nodded. “Than- thanks, thank you, you know you don’t owe me anything-“

“I know, handsome lad. But the thought of Rowe being kidnapped is- god, it’s awful. Don’t worry, I’m here of my own free will. Sometimes you just need someone else in the house.”

Tomas let him inside, feeling guilty about the mess, then feeling guilty because he was the one who allowed it to accumulate.

“Let’s open a window,” Luca suggested, and Tomas sloped over. “Want me to get that spider?”

He shook his head, trying uselessly to hide his face. “It’s fine, it’s fine, you can let it stay, I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m-“

His own voice cracking cut him off but he pressed on.

“I’m fine, I really am.”

“You’re not. It’s okay.”

“Just- how- how the fuck did I let this happen. How did I not, I mean, I trusted him this whole- whole time and now it’s all gone wrong and-“

He sat heavily on the floor, leaning his face into the side of the sofa, not blinking, not seeing. He breathed out and time seemed to slow.

Luca’s hand rested on his shoulder, a gentle pressure to his fingers.

“What’s done is done. You can’t help Rowe by falling apart, and you definitely can’t help yourself like that either. It’s, ah, it’s hard. It’s really hard. But you can collapse and cry and disintegrate when Rowe is back, I promise. Do you know where Kasia lives?”

Tomas nodded. “I haven’t even thought about that. I can’t believe myself.”

“Hey, no falling apart okay?” Luca’s tone was firm, and it made Tomas pull his head up, to look at him. His hair, braided in two chunky plaits, hung asymmetrically, one past his collarbone and one down his back. His eyeliner was winged like the letter V, drawn out in a point that came sharply back over his eyelid. Pretty. “That’s good to know, though. You could catch him on his way in or out, try to strike up a deal, I don’t know. I’ve not exactly had any experience with kidnappings either.”

“Yeah, it’s fucking stupid isn’t it. This whole situation is stupid. Fuck.”

Luca just looked at him, a sad smile ghosting over his face.

“I just can’t stop thinking about all the things that might be happening,” Tomas confessed. “He’s unhinged, he really is. He’s sick. And he’s got Rowe and the police don’t care, no one cares.”

“I care. You care.”

Tomas didn’t reply and the words hung over them. Two people caring wasn’t much. But, he supposed, it was better than nothing.

. . .

Rowe’s arms would dislocate, they would they absolutely would, Kasia was setting him up to dislocate both his god damn shoulders or arms or whatever. Rowe could hardly tell where the pain was located, it felt like it was everywhere, burning through his like a fire burns a taut string.

The food- dog food, but still edible, still something- sat before him, emptied on the floor, and from where Rowe knelt he should’ve been able to lean and eat easily. But Kasia had his arms bound and tied to the bars of the cage door, pulling them back and turning any movement into agony. Not only was he bent out of shape, but the burns along his shoulders were irritated awfully. He was sure his skin would burst open any second.

It had been twenty minutes at most, and already he was exhausted. Sweat rolled down him, dripping off his nose. He could hardly breathe.

Kasia’s heavy boot pressed down on the crown of his head, and his moan quickly became a scream of pain.

“No, no please!”

“I thought you were hungry. I’m helping.”

The pressure doubled, forcing Rowe’s face closer to the dog food, until he was close enough to open his mouth and take a bite. Disgust flooded him, and it only increased when he chewed. He swallowed past the collar, his throat pressing uncomfortably against it, and oh god, it felt so good, it was food in his belly, he was thankful for it despite everything. Kasia seemed satisfied and released his boot, sending Rowe’s head springing back to relieve the pressure on his shoulders. The skin near his burns had ripped and were bleeding, but nothing was dislocated.

“You’re definitely still hungry. How about another bite?”

Before Rowe could speak, Kasia had grabbed a fistful of hair, shoving him down, the sudden pull on his arms a thousand times worse than before, worse than anything, the pain was clouding his mind and he couldn’t think of anything but the barest, most built-in responses.

He screamed.

Spit flew from his mouth. Kasia kept pressing, his fingers curling tighter together, and the burning on Rowe’s scalp joined the rest of his body. His fingers were surely purple with how hard Kasia had tied them. Rowe had lost all feeling beyond his wrists.

“Please!”

Kasia ignored him.

“Please, st-stop, please M-M-Master Tomas help me-“

“He’s not fucking coming you stupid dog,” Kasia growled and pulled Rowe’s face all the way down, cracking his chin against the concrete, a deep shooting pain through his face and remaining teeth. He moaned. More skin tore along his shoulders. “No one’s coming to save you.”

A kick sent him lurching to the side, twisting his body until he was sprawled with his back to the floor, staring up at his bound hands, which were a mixture of blue and purple and were not moving at all.

He turned his head to see Kasia grabbing a fistful of the dog food from the floor and stepping over him.

“Mouth open.” Rowe complied and Kasia smiled mockingly. “Good boy.”

The dog food was shoved in, packing against the walls of his mouth, Kasia’s fingers prodding his gums, and it took everything not to vomit. His stomach heaved but nothing came. All he could do was be a good boy, and eat.

“Tomas isn’t your Master. He’s not coming.”

Present tense, thought Rowe as his eyes watered from the taste. He’s not dead.

. . .

Tomas couldn’t stop his legs from shaking as he stood on Kasia’s street, his hands tucked under his armpits for warmth. Yeah, the shaking was definitely just from the cold. Sure.

By the time Kasia appeared, it was night. He stalked down the street, stumbling slightly, and Tomas realised he was drunk. If he hadn’t had a reason to be there, he would have walked away right now, and fast.

When Kasia got close enough, Tomas stepped out of the shadows, forcing Kasia to stop and fix him with a glare.

“Give him back.”

“Or what?” he asked flatly, as if this meeting was no surprise. “Hah, you look like shit Tomas.”

“Give him fucking back, what do you want for him, money? You’re torturing a human being you sick fuck.”

“I’m having some fun with a Pet,” Kasia smiled. “And if you start whining like this I will just kill him.”

Tomas stiffened. “You wouldn’t.”

“You so sure about that?”

“Let him go.”

“No,” Kasia pushed him once and Tomas stumbled back, hitting a wall. He blinked and Kasia’s face was pressed up in front of his. He stank of booze and cigarettes. “Fuck off or I’ll kill him. I’ll hurt him worse to make up for this, too.”

“No, fuck no just leave him fucking alone-“

Kasia swung once, but mercifully something made him miss. Carelessness, the alcohol, perhaps just the assumption that Tomas was too pathetic to move out of the way. His fist cracked against the wall and as he shouted in pain Tomas considered kicking him between the legs, spitting on him, whatever. But Rowe’s life was at stake so, like the coward he was, he ran into the night, Kasia shouting taunts behind him.

Luca looked up when he pushed through the door, panting. He’d run the entire way. Luca stayed silent; the look on Tomas’s face was telling enough.

“I’m a fucking failure,” he whispered, and started to cry.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.