#autumn will fix me I tell myself

[nipuni]

The weather this morning was pleasant and below 25ºc for the first time in months!! so we went thrifting, here are our finds!! I can't wait to style them for autumn 😊

[puppyeared]

Pokeymon

@ask-willowleafeon @ask-shiny-umbreon

[martsonmars]

desperately trying not to have a panic attack about university hehehe

[surielstea]

Ballroom Secrets

Pairing: Eris Vanserra x Fem!reader

Summary: Eris and reader are secretly mates and can't keep their hand to themselves

Warnings: Fluff, suggestiveness at the end

2.3k words

I glance at the high lord of autumn from across the ballroom, my eyes locking with his as he speaks to one of his brothers— or rather the red head spoke to him while Eris just stared at me, the golden leaf crown on his head slightly tilted and my hands itched to fix it, to run my hands through those russet wavy locks. I suppress a sigh and rip my gaze away from his, crossing my arms over my chest and returning to the conversation I was having with the high lady of the night court— but I could still feel those amber eyes, trailing all over my body from head to toe and lighting me on fire.

Keeping our romance a secret wasn't going to last very long if he kept stripping me down with those golden eyes that seemed to observe my every movement. "Stop staring," I bite through the bond. We were lucky enough to have it click while we were away on a mission together, the after effects of accepting it took us full throttle, the frenzy taking us captive for over a week.

After he became high lord and that power surged through him he had this need for me. Gods, were we lucky enough that I happened to be in the summer court that week, neighboring his court. "You make it hard not to stare." He replies after a moment and I have to fight the flush on my cheeks away. "Dance with me?" He asked for what must've been the twelfth time that night. I rolled my eyes. "I already told you, we can't." I tell him, reiterating my words.

"I'm a high lord, I can dance with whomever I like, and I like you." He says, an arrogant tone coating his sly voice and my stomach does flips. "My brother will gut you." I explain, as if he doesn't already know. "The lord of bloodshed will manage." He hummed, needing me in his grasp. "No he won't, one time Helion hit on me and Cass gave him a black eye." I confess and I feel a twinge of jealousy run through the bond that connects us. "Helion hit on you?" He asks, completely missing the point of that story. "Every time I see him." I reply with a grumble.

"I want him dead." He says casually. "You're not funny." I retort. "Who said I was joking?" He huffs childishly and I allow my eyes to drift back to him, giving him a cold glare as he shamelessly pouted, his bottom lip dipping out like a child not getting what he wants. "Why don't you find another girl to dance with?" I offer to the male. "Do you really want that?" He asks and I think on it, bouncing on my heels slightly at the thought of my mate dancing with another girl, even if it was strictly platonic.

"No." I grumble in reply and look out onto the dance floor. "Exactly." He hums cockily and I shut him out, putting walls around the bond we constantly have glamoured. "I'm going to get a drink." I say to Feyre who stood beside me. "Want anything?" I offer and she shakes her head no. "I'm okay, thank you." Her soft smile relaxes me and I excuse myself, walking the length of the ballroom and avoiding the dance floor.

"What are you doing?" He asked, somehow breaking through those shields. "I need a glass of wine." I confess, the table full of select Fae liquors and ornate crystal glasses being on the table, that just so happened to be right beside him. He rose a brow as I walked closer to him, only a few feet away, the distance he quickly closed by stepping beside me, his bicep bumping my shoulder, the heat that radiated from his body made me ache I wanted to be in bed, wearing little to nothing and cuddling into him, his warm embrace that always filled that pit in my stomach.

"When can we leave?" I ask, plucking a wine glass from the row of them. He reaches around my shoulder and for a second I think he's pulling me closer to him but in reality he was only grabbing a whiskey glass, the fire that was his skin still lingering even after he removed his arm from around my bare shoulders.

"As soon as we dance, at least once." He hums and I shift on my heels. "Would it look bad if we left together?" I wonder as I look at the wine labels, I wasn't entirely interested in the vendors but I had to seem distracted somehow. "That's up to you doll, I'd fuck you on this table in front of all of these people and not care," He confesses and my cheeks go bright red. How could he say something like that aloud and expect me not to react? "You're the one with the problematic brother." He mutters and a frown forms on my lips. "My brother might be problematic but he's not being the issue." I mumble as I pour myself a glass of maroon liquid, filling it alarmingly full.

I look over my shoulder and spot the General speaking with Azriel. It'd be horrible to dance with the high lord of autumn right now but I wanted his hands on me, I need him to pull me close and this was the only way to do it without alarming everyone in the room. I can justify dancing to my brother. It's just dancing. "What're you thinking about little fox?" I whip my head back to him, looking into those eyes full of warmth, swirling like golden pools I wanted to swim in.

"Oh fuck it," I grumble aloud, abandoning my freshly poured glass and pulling him out onto the dance floor by his wrist. A cocky smile spreads across his face and I toss him a glare. "Do not even start." I mutter and wrap my arms around his neck, his hands span the width of my waist with ease, like they belonged there, perfectly slotted.

"I wasn't going to say anything," He replied mischievously, looking off to anywhere but my glowering eyes. "You're a fool." I shake my head with an amused smile. "Fool for you," He hums, sending adoration down the bond and the music begins.

The way Eris and I dance is fluid, twirling in and out as my dress moved with me, the soft fabric cascading into a skirt like a waterfall of silk. Every time he spun me out he'd pull me back in so much closer to his chest, at one point I had far too much momentum and had slammed right into his pressed suit, his hold tightened around me and he kept me there.

His warmth filled me whole, my hands ached for more, as if he was a hearth and I needed to be defrosted from the harsh bite of the winter wind. I look up at him and he was already staring down at me, I allow myself to give him a gentle smile and he returns it without caution.

"You just couldn't wait until we got home could you?" I muse and he shakes his head no, swaying us softly as the song came to a stop. I reach up to his russet locks and adjust his crown so it was even, sighing in satisfaction now that it was fixed. "Can we go home?" He asked as I push a russet wave from his forehead. "I want to," I look down to see a shadow curling around my wrist. "Let me say my goodbyes, I'll meet you at home." I back away with a gentle smile, I want to kiss him goodbye but I know better with Azriel's shadows around.

I pivot on my high heel and walk away from my mate before he can protest and winnow us into the ether. Crossing through the ballroom attempting to carve a path to the lord of bloodshed, shadows rushing after me until I reached the two finely dressed Illyrians who were staring at me like disappointed fathers.

"What?" I look between them confused as if I don't know who I was just with. "The fuck were you doing with him?" Cassian practically growls and I roll my eyes. "He's our ally Cass, it'd be rude to ignore his offer to dance." I retort and Azriel narrows his eyes at me like he can read through my select truths. "Ignore him, I don't blame you for dancing with the high lord." Nesta winks at me and I have to refrain from flushing. "Yeah I'm sure you know a lot about that." My brother casts her a glare. "He's not with me now is he?" She spits at him and I can't help but release a giggle.

"I'm going home, steal a bottle of wine for me." I say to him, a tradition between me and my brother to always steal at least one thing from events like these, sometimes the spymaster joins in occasionally he used to swipe necklaces off of wealthy women and gifted me all of them— but he was banned by Rhys after taking the game a little too seriously and stealing a chandelier right off the ceiling.

"Don't forget we have training at dawn." Cassian reminds and I groan as I back away. "Goodbye." I give them a wave. "Dawn." Cassian reminds and the other two just wave as I go.

I pass by Feyre and Morrigan, giving them both a kiss on the cheek and a quick goodbye before slipping from the ballroom with a small smile, excited for what awaits for me at my home.

I winnow back to my apartment that was on the edge of the river, Amren residing in a few complexes over. I spot Eris lounging on the couch, already comfortable with his shoes off, manspreading across the cushions. I kicked my heels off and released a long sigh. "I need to get this thing off." I mutter, referring to my heavy dress that dragged across the ground. "That, I can help with." He shoots up from the couch and follows me into our shared bedroom, not bothering to turn on the lights as he worked at the laces along my back, loosening them and allowing me to fully breathe. I take a deep inhale and a slow exhale as I walk over to my armoire and pick out a night gown.

I quickly change from the midnight blue dress and pull myself into a soft white dress that went to my thighs. I look at my dress on the ground, then to Eris. I decide I'll hang it up tomorrow, needing to be in his arms now. He stretches out his arms for a hug but I jump right into them, hooking my legs around his torso, my arms around his neck. He didn't so much as stumble back.

He walks us out of the bedroom and to the sitting area, flicking his hand and the hearth flourishes in flames, he places me down onto my feet and I look up at him cheekily. "Dance with me?" I intertwine our hands and a genuine smile pulls at his sensuous lips. "Of course." He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead.

This time when we danced and he twirled me in and out it was easy, we weren't worried about the next step, weren't following any choreography, just making it up along the way. He had me flush against his back as we swayed, then spun me around and tugged me back in so I was facing him. There was talking and laughing, simple and so comforting. To just converse and dance and do whatever we wanted without anyone's eyes on us.

His head hangs low as it nuzzles into my neck. "I love you." He whispers softly against my skin and my heart nearly melts. "I love you too Eris." I smile and he stands upright. I unclasped my hands from behind his neck and bring them up to cup his cheeks. His hands roam my body, winding down the curve of my ass, then reaching my thighs and allowing me to jump up into his arms, he cradled me with his large arms that I wanted to be constantly wrapped in.

I grin and pluck the golden crown from his head and place it atop mine, except it was far too big and fell to the bridge of my nose. He chuckled as I was temporarily blinded by the gold. "I'll get you your own crown." He said and I smile, taking the piece of nobility off and placing it back onto his head, my hands then running down the sides of his face.

"You have no idea how badly I wanted to kiss you on that dance floor." I hum, pecking his jaw. "I have some idea," He looks at me, from this angle our eyesight is aligned, golden eyes practically glowing in the dim lighting and I can't take it anymore, I place my hands on the back of his neck and pull him so much closer, his lips planting on mine and I blossom in warmth. He hums against my lips as I open my mouth slightly and allow his tongue to slip between my lips.

His movements lacked hesitance, like he was so sure that this is where he was meant to be. His finger pads press firmly into the bottom of my thighs and I arch my back so my chest was pressed against his. He takes his steps blindly with his lips still attached to mine, not daring to pull away if even to walk us back to the bedroom.

"I don't think you're making it to training tomorrow, little fox." He murmurs into my mouth. "Why?" I mutter with creased brows. "Cause you won't be able to walk." He smirks against me and my stomach does backflips.

Part II here.

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

can i request a one shot where reader has been friends with everyone in cousins for a while and has been around to see everything happen (susannah dying, the love triangle between belly, conrad and jere). fast forward to when conrad leaves the motel, he goes to reader after and they end up falling for eachother over time and reader shows conrad the love and support he deserves, and understands what he’s going through💞

A bit short, but I'm in a spooky autumn mood and these characters scream summer. Please send spooky/autumn requests

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

‘’She chose him and now I can’t fucking breathe,’’ Conrad said as you sat together on your couch. He rubbed his chest with the heel of his palm and your heart shattered. 

He had showed up at your door unannounced a little over an hour ago, backpack over his shoulder and looking like he'd been run over by a truck. His eyes were red, like he had been crying. You took him inside without asking questions, knowing he needed a shoulder to lay his tired head on. 

You listened as Conrad recounted everything that happened since they took the road to Brown. His plan to tell Belly he still loved her. The kiss against his car. The motel. 

‘’I gave her so many signs that I still loved her, but she didn't hear me. She could have turned this around and we could have fixed our relationship, but she chose Jere. So I let her go.’’ 

You reached out to squeeze his hand, the one that wasn’t on his chest. 

The situation between Belly and the Fisher boys was incredibly messy. She was your friend and you could understand that feelings were difficult at that age, but juggling between Conrad and Jeremiah’s hearts was just hurtful for everyone involved. Just because she was confused with who she wanted, who she loved, didn’t mean she had to get a taste of both before making a choice. 

Conrad released a shaky breath, trying to control his emotions and not have another panic attack. ‘’I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you. I didn’t know where else to go…’’ 

You shook your head, dismissing his apologies. ‘’I’d rather you come and pour your little heart out to me than go through everything on your own and mope.’’

‘’I don’t mope by myself—’’ 

You raised an eyebrow playfully, cutting him off.

‘’Maybe I do…’’ he conceded with a defeated sigh. 

Keeping everything inside had always been Conrad's way of coping. He rarely talked to anyone about himself or how he felt. It wasn't the healthiest approach, and you knew it, but you also understood that you couldn't force him to open up.

‘’Do you have a place to stay tonight?’’ 

Conrad sank deeper into the couch cushions, having not thought ahead. When he left the motel, he told his brother he was going to take a bus to Cousins to get the summer house back together, but he impulsively came here instead. 

‘’You can stay if you want. There’s no one in the guest room,’’ you offered.

‘’Thanks. For real.’’ He gave you a soft smile, grateful for everything. ‘’I don’t know what I would’ve done today if you had not been there.’’

‘’I’m always gonna be there for you, Con,’’ you promised, returning a smile. ‘’Right now, it might be raining, but there'll be happiness after her. Someone will turn your gray sky and paint it blue again.’’

—

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[annievrse]

midnight confessions

eren x reader —ᡣ𐭩 blurb c/w: canon divergence

"Can't you see that I've fallen for you? That I've been in love with you for the past 6 years?"

You stare at Eren dumbfounded, jaw slack and tears collecting in the corners of your eyes. Loose strands of hair blow in front of his face, but before you can push them away, he does it himself.

His confession came out of nowhere, and frankly, you weren't expecting him to yell it, either. His voice still echoes in the back streets of Marley.

Eren looks at you expectantly, like he believes you're capable of an answer. With red cheeks, he shakes his head gently. "But it's too late, isn't it?"

His voice is a whisper, but you want to tell him everything; that you do love him, that it's not too late to stop whatever keeps him up at night, and not too late to fall in love with the one person you've always wanted.

"Eren."

You reach for him, fingertips grazing his shoulders as he steps back. Eren doesn't meet your eyes, scrunching up his face before he turns around.

You call his name again, but he doesn't listen, walking down the street, away from the restaurant.

Looking up at the moon, you curse. It was either now or you'd lose him forever, and you'd be damned if you let that happen.

"I love you, too, you idiot!"

Your tall best friend freezes. The autumn air howls around you, and besides the melody of the band inside and a few teenagers laughing on the main street, it's silent.

Eren turns his head to the side and mumbles your name before sighing. "I need to go."

As if you got the wind knocked out of you, you gasp, tears pouring down your cheeks as you walk toward him. "No."

He steps to face you, eyes red with agony and green eyes swimming with grief. Eren grasps your forearms as you go to hit his chest with the little energy you have left - you knew this was coming, you all had.

"Why tell me you love me then?" You shout, voice breaking. "Why tell me and then leave?"

Eren looks at the stars. "I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell you."

You scoff, and try to remove your arms from his hands. "Please don't go," You beg, basking in the feeling of his skin on yours for one last time. "We can fix this! No matter what it is."

Eren shook his head, thumbs rubbing circles on your pulse points. "I have to do this."

Not knowing what he's talking about, you panic. "Please," You cry. "What's going on, Eren?"

"I can't tell you, but just know it's all for you," He nods toward the restaurant. "And them."

"Why?" You ask.

"Because you're important to me, and I'd do everything to protect you," He sniffles, tears collecting on his chin. "I love you more than anything else."

You frown and close your eyes. With a burning throat, you nod and lower your arms, but Eren's grip never wavers.

"Do you promise to come back to me? After you've done what you need to?" You whisper, knowing you'd have to let him go.

Eren whines softly at your question, chest heavy with misery. His eyes flicker with doubt and suffering, and it takes everything in him not to tell you he won't be back. "I promise."

And with that, you shake your head, stand taller and push his hands off you. "Go then. I'll see you 'round."

Eren's jaw drops in disbelief, and he grapples with your hands, but you won't hold him any longer. "Hey-"

You get the strength to push his chest this time, and when you do, he stumbles, though you know he could've stopped if he wanted to.

"Go!"

It's quiet for a few moments, but then Eren wipes at his cheeks and nods. "I'll see you soon."

And when you walk back into the restaurant, eyes heavy and sniffling, everybody knows Eren up and left. Now, it was just a matter of when he would return and preparing for the worst.

part 2

[misguidedasgardian]

The Winter Sun (12)

12. Winds of Winter

MASTERLIST

Summary: Winter was coming but there was an important mission you needed to accomplish before it 

Pairing: Cregan Stark x Fem!Targaryen Reader 

Warnings: Cursing, medieval and asoiaf customs, AGE GAP, Cregan is 12 years OLDER than reader), arranged marriage, SMUT, oral sex, (m and f receiving), might miss some warnings

+18, MINORS DNI

Wordcount: 3.0 k

Notes: Our favorite couple is taking a little trip

“We cannot tell them by writing, it’s too risky”, said Cregan severely, “but traveling this far into autumn, is dangerous”

“We can fly to Dragonstone”, you said gently, Sara, the maester and Cregan looked at you, your husband had summoned them to discuss what to do about Aemond’s threat. Cregan seemed nervous as he looked at you, “I was thinking that during Winter, it would be best for Vhaelar to rest in the Dragonmount, extreme cold isn’t good for dragons”, you clarified

“She is right”, said the maester, “this cannot wait, you need to go now”

“But if the dragon will stay in Dragonstone, we should speak to Lord Manderly in White Harbor!”, said Sara, “he could send a ship to retrieve you both in Dragonstone, take you back to the harbor, and you can come from there, it is a shorter ride”

“That is a good idea dear sister”, said Cregan, and then he looked at you, “are you comfortable with the idea my love?”, he asked, Sara smiled widely at his nickname, and the maester smiled as well

“Having to sail through shivering seas and freezed roads with my husband keeping me warm?”, I asked teasingly, “Can’t wait”, Cregan smiled

“I will send the letter to dragonstone at once to let them know of your arrival”

“I will make the proper arrangement, we will departure in a week, is that alright?”, asked Cregan

“Most appropriate my lord”, said the Maester nodding

the three of you, the maester, Cregan and you redacted the letter letting your family in Dragonstone know of your visit, and you smiled and you signed it as

The Lord and Lady of Winterfell

The raven flew away and you looked from the tower, you smiled when you felt Cregan’s arms surrounding you, hugging you, his face by the side of yours

“I can’t wait to have you all to myself for a whole moon”, he whispered in your ear

“You already have me all for yourself”, you said giggly

“There is something exciting about a trip…”, he explained, “a guest room just for us, a small cabin on a ship, then a small carriage, just us two…”, you giggle, feeling your skin tingly, you also find it exciting

“I can’t wait”, you giggled 

“How do you make your old husband feel like a teenager again? uh? the only thing I want to do is take you in our bed, all day, and all night”, he said huskily, kissing your cheek

“You are not that old dear husband”, you giggled, and he squeezes you tightly in his arms making you shriek

“You brought me back to life”, he whispered in your ear, so quietly you thought you had imagined it.

“I doubt it”, you whispered

“Stop that”, he said quietly, “stop diminishing yourself”

“Sorry”, he chuckled, kissing you again

“I love you”, he said, so faintly you thought you dreamed it

“What?”

“I love you wife”, he said more firmly

“You do?”

“I do”

“I love you too”, you admitted 

Cregan wanted to make sure he left everything prepared before your departure, so he went to the maesters and lords to continue the preparations for the coming snow storms, the roofs of Winterfell and Winterstown needed fixing….

So as you stayed in your chambers, Sara visited you, with a wide sneaky smile

“Sooo… I saw my brother smiling stupidly as he walked about”, she started, and you blushed, hiding your face from her.

“I don’t think he looks stupid”, you said mindesly

“Ohhh you two did it, didn’t you?”, you mocked, and you chuckled

“Kind of”

“Kind of?”, she teased

“Alright, we did, we… made love”, and she shrieked

“I KNEW IT!”, she said, smiling widely, “I can’t wait to have nieces and nephews!”, she giggled, “I’m so happy for you both” 

“I’m happy as well”, you clarified, and she smiled even widely

“You both deserve to be happy”, she whispered with a reassuring smile, “and now you are taking a small vacation”

“Yes, to Dragonstone, we will be back next moon”, you reminded her

“Take all the time you need”, she winked at you, “even better if you come back with a swollen belly…”

“enough of that”, you chuckled, but with your cheeks heated. Were you allowed to dream? Will you be able to give Cregan children? you really hoped so, you wanted to have babies, you knew it would make him happy, and you felt warm by only imagining to be pregnant with Cregan’s child, but it was too soon. So you shake your head and smile at Sara, who was looking at you with knowing eyes

Sara had this thing to her, she always seemed to know what you were thinking, it was almost like she know what was going to happen…it was an odd feeling… a silly one perhaps, in the book that Cregan had sifted you all those years ago, there was a chapter about some people the northerners called “Greenseers” 

You didn’t know what you made the connection, but anyways

You resumed your tasks as the Lady of Winterfell, like you had been before Aemond rudely interrupted, helping to receive groceries and supplies for the coming winter. According to the maesters in the Citadel, it was going to be a long one, and very cold. 

That weird feeling of excitement filled you again and smiled as you with the maesters where counting down the portions of wheat, in comparison of the people of the town. 

Soon night fell over the North, and you were seated in front of a dresser Cregan brought for you, brushing your hair, waiting for your husband who was helping with the roofs in the town, and you smiled when you heard him come inside the room.

“Good evening Lady of Winterfell”, he greeted, 

“Good evening Lord of Winterfell”, you mocked back, you let out a small giggle when you turned and found him leaning over the door frame, looking at you with a smirk

“Did you know you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on?”, he asked

“I don’t believe you”, you said back

“You hurt me”, he said, placing his hand on his chest dramatically, and you giggled, “If you don’t believe my words I will have to prove it to you”, he said, faking the seriousness that he displayed in his voice

“How?”, you asked innocently, and you shrieked when he lounged at you, he grabbed you and held you in his arms, raising you from the floor

“NO!”, you giggled, “leave me!”

“One second wife”, he said, and he threw you in the bed

“Cregan!”, you shrieked

“Perhaps I didn’t eat you out good enough to make you think that you are not the most beautiful woman on the planet!”, he said, his tone worried

“No no no no it was fine!”

“I don’t think so”, he said, and he let himself drop between your parted thighs, he grabbed your dress and raised it until it was over your belly, your bottom half naked for him

“No!”, you giggled

“I have to do this wife”, he said, 

“You don’t have to”, you giggled, and then he stopped and looked at you, alarmed

“You don’t want me to?”, he asked, real concern now on his voice

“No, I do, is just, you don’t have to if you don’t want to”, you said, and then he smiled

“Oh but I do want to, wife, you don’t know how delicious you taste, and how good it feels to make you squirm and cum with my tongue alone, it just so good”, he moaned, he grabbed your thighs with his big hands, again, and he parted them for him to have complete access to your already wet pussy.

He ate you out, with even more energy than the first time, it felt so good he made you cum so easily when he used only one of his fingers to find inside of you the weakest point of them all. 

“I want to please you too”, you whined, as you recuperated from the intensity of your orgasm, long minutes laters.

Cregan licked his lips as he released you, looking at you with hooded eyes

“You don’t need to do that my dragon”, he said calmly, and it was your turn to smiled wickedly

“Oh but I do want to, husband”, you mocked back, you grabbed him by his vest, and you made him lay on the bed, he used his elbows to lean over to look at you, in marvel, as you accommodated yourself between his legs, and your trembling hands went to the laces that kept his breeches in place

“Are you sure? Fuck”, he cursed as soon and you sneaked under his pants and grabbed his cock, it felt so weird in your palm, so soft, yet firm, so warm… it felt like velvet. You bit your lip as you looked at Cregan’s face and you felt it twitch in your hand, it was odd.

You took the liberty of squeezing him a little and Cregan moaned wantonly, so you guessed you were doing a good job.

“That’s right my love”, he said, with a strangled voice, “move it a little, up and down”, he directed, and you did, you pumped him a little, and you felt it twitch again.

It was almost embarrassing for Cregan to want to cum so fast but, it was you that was touching him, and that was driving him mad with lust. 

You on the other hand, wanted to use your mouth, just like he had done, so you lean in, your fist in his shaft, and you took a small lick, over his tip

“Fuck!”, he cursed, and you savored his salty taste. You took him in deeper, your lips adjusting to his girth.. “You are going to kill me”, he whined. 

You didn’t know what you were doing, you guided yourself with your instincts, so you started bobbing your head up and down, taking more of him on each movement.

He was long and thick, it was surreal that he had been inside you so many times, it felt so good, but in your mouth well… it felt more good knowing that he was enjoying it. 

You were pleasing him, as he drew moans and whimpers, his hands grabbing tightly the furs underneath him

“Yes, my love, just like that”, he begged so sweetly, one of his hands traveled to your head, you could tell that he refrained himself from grabbing you, still he only placed his palm on the back of your head. You continued to do as you were doing, your hand squeezing him softly what you couldn’t fit in your mouth, you sucked his cock, hollowing your cheeks and that is when you felt him shake

“Wait”, he begged, his hand on your cheek, you released him, seeing the slippery mess you had make of his dick, you looked at him wide-eyed

“Did I do something wrong?”, you asked, fearful

“No, in fact, I’m so close… but I want to cum inside you wifey”, he said needily. You smiled, raising from your position, “come here, ride me”, he grabbed your hand and helped you accommodate on top of him, your pussy lining up with his cock. He grabbed himself, placing his tip on your entrance, “now lower yourself love, gently”, he said, placing his hand on your hip, and you did as he said.

You moaned when you felt him splitting you open. It was always a stretch, but it felt so good

You had never been on top before, but seeing Cregan, looking up at you, naked under you, made your belly tingle, you placed your hand on his chest as you lowered yourself even more, impaling yourself on his thick cock, until he was comfortable tightly inside you

“Fuck”, he whined, when his tip hit your cervix

“Mmmm Cregan”, you whined, you felt him in your belly, that is how deep he was lodged inside you

“Move please or I will die”, he begged, his hand on your hips. He helped you raise again, until only the tip was still inside you, and then he guided you down again. When you got the hang of it, you ride him slowly but sensually, snapping your hips, he was a moaning mess under you, biting his lips… you weren’t any better, your eyed rolled to the back of your head, you weren’t able to think straight, and you wonder if you ever going to be able to think in something else that wasn’t your husband’s dick

You doubted it

Your climax hitted you like lightning, making you squeeze him even tighter, he didn’t last much longer after that, cumming inside you.

You collapsed on top of him breathing heavily, as he recuperated his own breath under you, hugging you tightly against him.

“Stay like this”, he commanded, his dominant demeanor resurfacing, “I want it to stick”, you giggled softly

“It will”, you promised, even though you had no power over it. he caressed your naked back gently, making you tingle 

“I don’t mind if it doesn't”, he said then, “I don’t want to pressure you, don’t feel pressured, alright?”, he asked, and you nodded

“I know it scapes my control”, you said gently, and you heard him hum

“That is right”, he said

“I was thinking about our coming trip”, you said

“Yes?”, he encouraged 

“I was thinking…”, you said gently, your finger tracing imaginary figures on his naked chest, “we could fly towards the White Harbor… spend the night, arrange everything for our return, and then make the jump to Dragonstone early in the morning”, you whispered

“I think that is a brilliant idea”, he whispered, kissing the top of your head, “Lord Manderly is one of the most important men in the country and I would love for you to meet him”

“Great”, you smiled at him, happy he was agreeing with you, and he smiled back. 

“You looked so beautiful like this”, he whispered, his hand cradling your cheek, caressing you with his thumb. 

Your silver long hair was loose, and now a little wild, your pupils blown out, like the eyes of a kitten in the dark, your cheeks heated, your lips parted, for him you were the most beautiful and wild creature in this world.

“If we have children I hope they look like you”, he whispered, and you smiled warmly, leaning in and kissing him softly, he held you in his arms, caressing your back gently.

. . .

The week went by quickly… the nights… even quicker, your blood moon didn’t come, and you were so excited, but maesters said that was common, so you didn’t dare tell Cregan yet, you wanted to be sure. 

But he clearly noticed you had this dreamy smile on your lips.

The preparations were made hastily, there wasn’t much to take with you, only what you could fit in the mount in your dragon. Lord Desmond Manderly was expecting you in White Harbor, and you were excited to see it

They said it was a beautiful port, it was the biggest city in all the North, and the key to trading in the entire country. Many things that were coming to your storages for the winter came from the White Harbor, and though the White knife river, just a few miles from Winterfell.

You felt nervous when you suddenly realized you were about to make your first “appearance” as the Lady of Winterfell and in the arms of your husband. 

“We leave North in your gentle hands, my dear sister”, he said, grabbing Sara’s hands in his, she smiled, surely

“Of course brother”

“Anything you need, Lord Cerwyn is closest and he can assist you”, Cregan said, and Sara just smiled

“I am aware of that dear brother”, she said mockingly, Cregan just smiled, Sara knew as much as all the castles and houses as he did, everything and everyone was going to be fine

“Very well then”, he whispered, and he kissed her forehead.

When Cregan released her, it was your turn to hug her tightly

“Have a safe trip, please don’t let my brother fall of the dragon”, she giggled

“I wouldn’t dream of it”, you said back, smiling widely.

“I hope than when you came back you have some good news”, she said, and winked, you only blushed and nodded

“Let’s hope”, you said with a smile. 

Cregan and you left the safety of the walls of Winterfell, Vhaelar was waiting, looking at your every movement as you approached her. She looked at Cregan and showed her teeth in warning, and he stopped and look at her, nervous

“māzigon va, Vhaelar”, you reprimanded, “ao gīmigon zirȳla” [Come on Vhaelar, you know him]

Vhaelar whined

“ziry iksos ñuha valzȳrys”, [It’s my husband] 

She then lowered her head, in a sign of submission, you had to turn back and grab Cregan by the hand

“She doesn’t seem to want to…”, he said nervously, but Vhaelar stood still as you placed his hand on her snout.

She sniffed him, and then purred

“See? she was just playing hard to get”, you mocked. Once you got Vhaelar’s “permission”, you walked towards the mount, she had grown so big you had a small rope ladder to reach the saddle

“You first”, you invited Cregan, and you knew he was nervous, but he climbed that ladder anyway, and you followed closely.

He sat in the big saddle, and you in front of him, once you tied up the leather straps firmly, one around each thigh, and another one around his waist, and then you took your palace and strapped yourself.

He hugged you tightly, chuckling darkly

“You look so hot in your riding gear sweet wife”, he whispered kissing you under your ear - one of your weak spots-, but you just giggled and you nudged him

“Not silly business on top of my dragon”, you warned, and he only laughed

“Just a little bit?”

“No!”, you laughed, grabbing the reins, “ready?”

“Always”, he said

“Sobes Vhaelar!”, you commanded, and she used her strong legs and opened her massively big wings to raise herself from the ground.

Soon you were in the skies, Cregan’s armas tightly against you, and as you looked down, you saw all the people of Winterfell and Winterstown, certainly wanting to catch a glimpse of their Stark Lord riding a dragon.

And you left, for your first diplomatic mission. 

taglist! ❤️❤️

@severewobblerlightdragon @missusnora @stargaryenx @poppyreader @chainsawsangel @court-jester-stuff @batprincess1013 @eddiepicker @lyannesworld @arujee @kamisunshine @​​mss-nthng @partypoison00 @grimistangel @elleclairez @may-machin @prettykinkysoul @justagurlwithships @champomiel @laura-naruto-fan1998 @zoleea-exultant @devotedlythoughtfulanchor @zoleea-exultant @llleon666 @dark-night-sky-99

[honestlyvan]

CONTROL ANNOTATED: DIDN’T WE JUST DO THIS?

(Also available on Dreamwidth!)

Hi! It’s me and @drdarling again! We wrote the Alan Wake 2 annotation for Ahti’s dialogue! I’m aware there’s been guides like this out for like three years but also I wanted to do it myself in the style of the previous guide, mostly out of curiosity to see how the style of his dialogue has changed because it’s… definitely different :’D

Once again thanks to Saikku and RH for the help with the translations, and once again Finnish is very regional and my translations are just one Finnish reading on what the fuck he is saying. The point here is to demonstrate that Ahti isn’t cryptic, he’s quite comprehensible but he’s also definitely just saying shit to mess with people.

Spoilers for all of Control past this point.

Ahti intro, points Jesse to the elevator:

There you are! You are here about the job. Janitor’s assistant. You need to go to the interview. Go that way to the elevator. Very good. I’m Ahti, the janitor, by the way. You’ll work for me. You can say I sent you. If they don’t hire you, niin johan on helvetti. There be work for the axe, take them behind the sauna, jumalauta.

“niin johan on helvetti” – cursing. “it (sure is/will be) hell” translates broadly to “there will be hell to pay”

“There be work for the axe” – “olla kirveelle töitä”, open-ended threat; something needs rectifying, with force if necessary

“take them behind the sauna” – “viedä saunan taakse”, “put someone out of their misery”, to execute someone. Saunas are usually built away from the house, so anything happening behind them would not be visible to the main house and yard.

Jesse: Ahti the janitor is a friendly face in my book.

Better than somebody with no face at all. Think about it, no face.

Jesse makes her way down to Ahti’s office in Maintenance:

Well done. You got the job. It’s place for congratulations. Jippii, saatana. (note from Autumn: Very deadpan delivery on this one that makes me lose it every time.) It happened in the last drop. I truly need an assistant.

“Jippii, saatana.” – “Yippee, (saatana)”, loanword from English.

“in the last drop” – “viime tipassa”, common idiom, “in the nick of time”

Jesse asks for help getting to the override to get the lockdown lifted:

Yes, yes. Easy peasy. It’s just around the corner. But first we need to get you working! Very small couple of hours job.

“just around the corner” – interesting case of Ahti using the correct English idiom rather than saying “behind the corner” as we’d say in Finnish.

“Very small couple of hours job.” – not an idiom, but a very common part of ESL English from a Finnish speaker, dropping verbs and particles.

Jesse inner monologues, “Something tells me it’s gonna be more than that.”:

Jahaa, jaa-a, you think there’s a dog buried in this? I can tell you are not a yesterday’s grouse’s son. That’s why you’ll make a great assistant. Very well, I’ll hit the facts on the table. Mä kyllä sanon perkele suoraan että this house has a vermin problem, a bad one. They’ve already messed up the cooling pumps and the power generators of power plant, perkele. And the pensioner inside is starting to feel the band around his head tighten. The situation needs to be fixed before the plant blows up and we all disappear like a fart in Sahara, perkele. But don’t you worry, I’ve left you clear instructions. You’ll catch the end of the thread before I go to my vacation. The works on the task board here you can do later when you have time.

“there’s a dog buried in this” – “koira haudattuna”, common idiom meaning that the situation is not what it seems, or there is a hidden (negative) side to the story being told.

“a yesterday’s grouse’s son” – “eilisen teeren poika”, common idiom, “born yesterday”

“Mä kyllä sanon perkele suoraan että” – “Perkele, I’ll say it (straight, directly), that”

“feel the band around his head tighten” – “vanne pään ympärillä kiristyy”, growing more agitated as the situation gets more serious. Sometimes you also hear “feel the band around the barrel tighten”, about situations that get more stressful before they resolve.

“like a fart in Sahara” – “kuin pieru Saharaan”, common turn of phrase, “into thin air”

“catch the end of the thread” – “langan päästä kiinni”, common saying, understanding the situation, “getting up to speed”

Jesse inner monologues, “Vacation? Right.”:

Yes. No-one's gonna cancel my holiday, or sheaths gonna rattle. But don’t worry at all. You’ll take care of it, and soon this crisis gonna be last winter’s snow. You better go now so you don’t have to run with your head as your third leg. The door in the back leads to the plant.

“sheaths gonna rattle” – “tulee tupenrapinat”, common idiom meaning that there’s going to be an argument or a fight. “The knives will be drawn”.

“last winter’s snow” – “menneen talven lumia”, water under the bridge.

“run with your head as your third leg” – “juosta pää kolmantena jalkana”, common idiom, to be in a rush.

Incidental dialogue hanging around in Ahti’s office throughout:

It’s time for a coffee break soon. Aah, kaffea.

“kaffe” – “coffee”, a Swedicism

Pensioner, yes. Northmoor, mister director. Starting to climb on the walls in his bachelor pad.

“to climb on the walls” – “kiipeillä seinille”, idiom, to act nervous and jumpy, “going spare”

Tango is a window into a Finn’s soul. It came from Suomi Finland. Anyone who says anything else is a lying goat. Perkele.

“a lying goat.” – “valepukki”, idiomatic. What it says on the tin.

(Translator’s note: Ahti is 100% lying when he says this. Autumn confirmed that this is a reference to the Finnish director Aki Kaurismäki talking about Finns inventing tango and sailors taking it to Argentina with them, but unlike Ahti we know he was joking.)

The Bureau is trying to dig a hole in their own cellar, looking for gold. Greedy will have a shitty end.

“dig a hole in their own cellar, looking for gold” – “kaivaa kultaa omasta kellarista”. As far as we can tell, this is not a saying anywhere in Finland, but as always this means it might just be an obscure one.

“Greedy will have a shitty end.” – “Ahneella on paskainen loppu”, a common saying. Exactly what it says on the tin.

Where did I leave my mop again? Pirulauta. Burnout, cosmonaut. I really need a holiday.

“Pirulauta” – “Devil, help me”, more commonly in the form “jumalauta” (god help me). The “devil” referenced in this is not a capital-letter Devil, but rather a folk devil/evil spirit.

“Burnout, cosmonaut” – Not directly a saying in Finnish. “Kosmonautti” gets used the same way “space case” does in English, he is berating himself for his attention slipping.                                             

The Containment Sector has blown to pussy’s splinters. The work won’t end even if you keep doing it.

“pussy’s splinters” – “vitun päreiksi.” “Vittu” is more properly translated as “cunt”, it’s the most common swear in modern Finnish. (Note from Saikku: In Ostrobothnia folks also say "pillun päreiksi", with "pillu" translating literally to "pussy".)

When the time comes, I’m gonna go on my vacation, like dad went into mom.

“like dad went into mom” – “kuin isä äitiin.” Exactly what it says on the tin. (Also not a saying, Ahti is just making a dirty joke.)

You know what’s the worst thing about this vermin? Saatana! The noise! They don’t appreciate good music. And that’s the reason they can go as far as pepper grows.

“go as far as pepper grows.” – “mennä niin kauas kuin pippuri kasvaa”, a common idiom. In essence, “fuck all the way off.”

The first thing I’m gonna do when I get to my vacation is to get drunk. Anyone who doesn’t respect that can go to hell’s spruce tree. Sausages on eyes. A drop won’t kill you and you can’t drown in a bucket.

“hell’s spruce tree” – “helvetin kuuseen”. This is a mistranslation from Ahti, since the more appropriate translation would be “to the backforests of hell”. Also, in essence, “fuck all the way off”.

“Sausages on eyes.” – “nakit silmillä”, common idiom, “extremely drunk”

“A drop won’t kill you and you can’t drown in a bucket.” – “Ei tippa tapa ja ämpäriin ei huku”, a reference to a pop song by Irwin Goodman of the same name about drinking lots of booze.

The Research Sector is the worst. The doctors don’t know how to clean after themselves. That Arish fellow is not a useless guy. Respects his elders. Makes good coffee. Yep yep. The janitor is the one who makes everything running and under control.

What A Mess: Burn The Trash dialogue:

Yep. Burn the trash. Throw it in the fire. Burn it all. Burn it into a reindeer, not into a moose.

“Burn it into a reindeer, not into a moose.” – (Translator’s note: *drags hands over face*) The word for ashes/cinders, “poro”, is a homonym with the word for reindeer, also “poro”. It’s a play on words.

Ahti dialogue on The Clog:

My old enemy, the Clog, is blocking the pipes. You need to deal with that shit. He’s my very old enemy, the clog, Paska.

“Paska” = shit

He’s very clever, he’s trying to sneak in. We got him caught with his hand in the fish trap. Get rid of him.

“caught with his hand in the fish trap” – “jäädä rysän päältä kiinni”, a common idiom. “Get caught with your pants down”.

It’s back. What would kill a bad thing? Paska mikä paska.

“What would kill a bad thing?” – “Mikä pahan tappaisi”, a common turn of phrase. What it says on the tin.

“Paska mikä paska” – “The shit is what it is.”

Ahti dialogue while fixing the power plant:

Broke. Gone to shit. Fix it fast. If the plant goes boom, we can throw the spoon in the corner.

“Gone to shit.” – “mennyt paskaksi”, translates directly.

“throw the spoon in the corner” – “heittää lusikka nurkkaan”, idiomatic, “buy the farm.” (This is a slightly odd translation to me, as it is being used more in the same sense as “throw in the towel”, creating the implication that dying in huge explosions is voluntary.)

It’s fried up. You need to fix it before the old twig-pants inside the plant has a shit-fit.

“the old twig-pants” – “vanha vihtahousu”, idiomatic. Broadly “that old devil”, in Finnish it’s common to have many names for evil or just strong spirits, because calling them by their proper name invites them to come bother you. (“Vihtahousu” gets translated in AW2 as “Ol’ Scratch”)

“shit-fit” – “paskahalvaus”, interesting case of a missed opportunity for a funny Finnicism in the form of “shit-stroke/shit-arrest”

Ahti dialogue while clearing darkness:

Darkness everywhere. New day, same old bloody shit, said the old lady. Like tar, but good for nothing. Get rid of it!

“New day, same old bloody shit, said the old lady.” – “Uusi päivä, samaa vanhaa paskaa, sanoi vanha täti.” This is not an idiom, but the “x, said y” format is a common one for proverbs, and a common way for people to quote wisdom from their family.

Ah, tar. Sauna, tar and booze, they’ll get you through anything! Like the winters in Finland. Long dark winters. As dark as in a sack, perkele.

“Sauna, tar and booze, they’ll get you through anything!” – this is a paraphrase of a saying that goes “if sauna, tar and booze doesn’t cure it, the disease is lethal”.

“As dark as in a sack” – “pimeää kuin säkissä”, common turn of phrase, what it says on the tin.

Ahti dialogue while cleaning up Mold:

The air in here is getting bad. The vents, they are full of mold-shit. It’s no good for you! Headache, nausea, mold-lung... Depression, but how can you tell when you’re a Finn? Helvetin home, eikö siitä nyt saatana pääse eroon.

“Helvetin home, eikö siitä nyt saatana pääse eroon.” – “(Helvetin) mold, is there really no way to get rid of it, (saatana)!” The sentence is in passive voice (“Can it not be gotten rid of”) which gets used in Finnish a lot to refer to ongoing problems.

You need to scrub that clean or there goes my reputation and honor. And then the good won’t swing.

“reputation and honor” – “maine ja kunnia”, common turn of phrase. The “honour” here does not mean personal honour, but rather community reputation.

“the good won’t swing” – “ei hyvät heilu”, common turn of phrase, usually used to threaten someone akin to “you’ll be sorry.”

More of it! This thing is completely leaving from the mitten. Perkele, saatana, helvetin helvetti. Loma tulossa ja tällästä paskaa.

“leaving from the mitten” – “lähteä lapasesta”, common idiom, “get out of hand”.

“Loma tulossa ja tällästä paskaa.” – “The holidays are coming and (we have to deal with) this kind of shit.”

Ahti dialogue while taking care of the plants:

They are very good listeners, you can tell them anything. Or you can sing to them. They like that.

For the plants in Investigations:

The plants in here have died standing up. Piruparat. Lighten them up!

“died standing up” – “kuolleet pystyyn”, common turn of phrase that gets used about neglected plants a lot.

“piruparat” – “poor devils”, again with the small first letter, referencing folk devils and evil spirits.

Ahti tells Jesse to take a break:

Hurry is not good for you. And the contract says you can take a break. Ten points and a parrot patch. Now you know what this job is all about. Could be worse. There are good benefits.

“Ten points and a parrot patch” – “kymmenen pistettä ja papukaijamerkki”, common turn of phrase, “ten points and a gold star”. Comes from an old children’s show called “Sirkus Papukaija” (“Circus Parrot”)

When you’re done with all the tasks:

Tattis! A crazy person works hard, and a wise person gets away with less. Happy vacation to me!

“Tattis” – “thank you”, a Swedicism

“A crazy person works hard, and a wise person gets away with less.” – “hullu huhkii, viisas pääsee vähemmällä”, a proverb about working smarter, not harder.

Here, have a little knick-knack as a thanks from me. Not too owly at all!

“Not too owly at all!” – “ei pöllömpi”, idiomatic, here meaning “impressive” or “well done”.

Ahti goes on vacation:

Now this boy left, said the son of Annikki Tähti. My assistant will keep work in the glove and the house standing. Lomille lomps, holiday homps.

“Now this boy left, said the son of Annikki Tähti.” – (Translator’s notes: *long pained groan*) This is a strange half-pun, half reference. The phrase usually shows up in Finnish as “nyt meikä lähti, sanoi Annikki Tähti” (“I’m leaving now, said Annikki Tähti”, a famous Finnish iskelmä singer who is not relevant to the phrase other than to create alliteration). Ahti is doubling up on the alliteration and saying complete nonsense as a result.

“keep work in the glove and the house standing” – “homma hanskassa ja tupa pystyssä”, common idiom, what it says on the tin.

“Lomille lomps, holiday homps.” – “Lomille lomps/lompsis” is a persistent popculture reference that lives on among Finnish conscripts and the rest of the culture. Ahti’s translation is quite accurate, although “lomps/lompsis” can be used as an onomatopoeia for stepping into a puddle/swamp, while “homps” means nothing. Alliterative jokes like this are common in Finnish.

Dialogue during Finnish Tango when you first enter the Ashtray Maze:

Broke. There is no way through. Badly made. Wolf shit. Somebody cut costs in the wrong place. Contact the janitor if you need to get through.

“Wolf shit” – “susipaska”. The word for wolf, “susi” is idiomatically used to mean broken, flawed or unusable, and is here a modifier for “paska” rather meaning the droppings of the animal.

Jesse contacts Ahti in The Foundation:

Aah. Aijai. Vikingit saatana. Ei kestänyt ruottalaisen veljekset kunnon löylyjä.

“Aijai” – Filler phrase. Literally means “ouch/ouchie”, but can be used to signal appreciation.

“Vikingit saatana. Ei kestänyt ruottalaisen veljekset kunnon löylyjä.” – “(Saatana), them vikings. The Swedish brothers couldn’t stand a proper löyly.” “Löyly” is both the steam from throwing water on the stove in a sauna, and the humid warmth that follows from “throwing löyly”. Ahti is making fun of the Andersons for not tolerating a hot sauna. It’s a very common shot across the border for Finns to say Swedes don’t tolerate “real” löyly. (Translator’s note: Ahti is using “ruottalaisen” rather than “ruotsalaiset”, as is typical of the Ostrobothnian dialect)

Hey, girl. For a Finn, holiday is holy, perkele.

“holiday is holy” – The word for any nationally mandated day off (+ Sundays) is “pyhäpäivä”, literally “holy day”. Extended national holidays, such as the three days around Christmas, and even long weekends can be called “pyhät”, the holies.

Did you miss me? Did you have piss in your sock? Yes. Now now now now. Bark don’t make a wound. You did good. Take my cassette player. You can borrow it. The song is a present from my friends to you. It will get you through the maze so you can do your job.

“piss in your sock” – “kusi sukassa”, common idiom, meaning “frozen with fear”

“Bark don’t make a wound.” – “ei haukku haavaa tee”, common proverb, “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me”

Ahti in Jesse’s Hiss nightmare:

Are you sure you are not lost? Maybe you can find yourself in the Director’s Office. You should keep trying. You are getting closer. Welcome back. I knew I chose a good assistant.

Closing notes: Despite Ahti having significantly less dialogue in Control than he does in AW2, this document ended up nearly as long as the other one. All the way through working on this I’ve been commenting on how his English is both weirdly better and worse in AW2, like, his use of English overall is a lot less stumbling and his vocabulary seems larger, but at the same time he uses less English, relies on just directly saying in Finnish what he’s thinking, using a lot more filler Finnish… It’s an interesting choice overall.

I’m not sure it’s relevant to the character, but having seen it I’m now gonna be very interested to hear what he sounds like if he shows up in Control 2 or other relevant RCU projects :3c Hope you had fun, and maybe learned something new.

[sebastianswallows]

The English Client — Seventeen

— PAIRING: Tom Riddle x F!Reader

— SYNOPSIS: The year is 1952. Tom is working for Borgin and Burkes. He is sent to Rome to acquire three ancient books of magic by any means necessary. One in particular proves challenging to reach, and the only path forward is through a pretty, young bookseller. A foreigner like him, she lives alone, obsessed with her work... until Tom comes into her life.

— WARNINGS: angst, smut, dubcon, hair pulling, dirty talk, subby Tom, but also dommy Tom

— WORDCOUNT: 4.5k

— TAGLIST: @esolean @localravenclaw @slytherins-heir

I

Evil though he was, she rewarded him later that night.

They were done with work and sore from it, their flesh aching from the sitting and standing and the autumn chill that beat against them as they walked toward her home. They soothed each other in bed, their nightclothes forgotten, and nestled on soft pillows beneath her ridiculous floral duvet while a mournful opera in low volumes played in the background. They had only wine for dinner. Her body was sapless and her skin cold, but her lips were painted royal scarlet from the wine, more tempting than any of her lipsticks could make it. Not that Tom had many opportunities to see them, as they lingered on his own in kiss after kiss, straying to his cheeks and chin, and every time she’d pull away he’d pull her in again.

“You are a very naughty boy,” she purred, smiling.

“So I’ve been told.”

“Have you?”

“Often.”

“I wonder why…”

“You don’t want to know.”

Her kisses stilled and she paused in thought above him. Her hands rested gently, lazily, around his jaw as she fixed him with a warning glare.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said quickly.

“How do you know what I think you meant?” she asked with a dangerous smile.

The faint light from the lamp far on the desk behind her drew long shadows from her lashes. It gave her a wild and innocent look. He wanted to see it for a while longer.

“It’s not so hard,” said Tom. “You’re as transparent as shed snakeskin.”

She chuckled and rested her chin on his chest. “Who do you think you’re sweet-talking?”

“I think I’m sweet-talking you. Is it working?”

“Only because you’re so pretty,” she said with a smile.

Tom laughed. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before, but this time it didn’t bother him as much as it usually did. Perhaps it was because she said it to tease him rather than flatter, or because she was on his body, in his arms, keeping him warm.

“So what did you mean?” she asked.

His smile mellowed to a lazy curling of the lips, and he whiled away a few silent moments curling a lock of her hair around his finger as he debated with himself whether to tell her the truth… That he’d killed people before. Just as he suspected she did or had a hand in doing when he sent Clement to her. But then, if he said it, maybe it would awaken too unhappy feelings in her and ruin their quiet, pleasant evening.

“Something that you would not like,” he said with a brush of his fingers across her cheekbone. “But which would comfort you, I think.”

She frowned and a pensive pout bloomed on her lips. “I hate it when you speak in riddles.”

Tom cocked a brow.

“Oh! I didn’t mean to make a joke of it, honest,” she giggled.

“Mhm…”

She bit her lip to stop her laughter. “Still, I hope one day you’ll tell me,” she said, tracing the edges of his lips with her finger as if she could charm them to open and reveal his secrets. “Maybe when you will think me most in need of comfort.”

“Maybe.”

“In fact, I feel myself in need of comforting right now…”

“Is that so?”

“And maybe, if you will stop brooding…”

“I think I’ve given you enough comfort for today.”

“I see,” she pouted, her eyes tracing his face like a caress. “So you would like me to return the favour now?”

Tom held her gaze, a small smile taking its place back on his lips. He kept himself a little distant but his hand was laying heavily over her waist.

“But you don’t want to ask for it,” she guessed.

He kept his silence, but let his lazy smile tell all. She understood.

He’d surmised long ago that she had her own pride and it took a bit of breaking through his prejudice of muggles to recognise that, in fact, she had reasons to be proud. And almost as soon as he noticed that about her — perhaps it happened when he overheard her holding her own against her mother on the telephone, or working diligently with clients at the shop, or getting ready in the morning as best as her few belongings could allow — he remembered several witches and wizards, like Mr. Burke or the ignorant Hepzibah Smith, who in contrast were revolting to look at, repulsive to converse with, and filled with arrogance, but had no pride because they had nothing to be proud of. No accomplishments, no talents, nor any respect and reverence for the beautiful magical things they were guardians of. It chilled Tom to think it, but the woman in his arms deserved more of that beauty and magic than many of those who, through an accident of fate, were born to it.

Before he lost sight of the moment he leaned in to kiss her and distract himself. She smiled and he felt it on his cheeks. He pulled her closer slid his other arm beneath the duvet to feel her skin, caress her sides, and refresh his body’s memory of her. That they both wore nothing greatly helped. She hummed in pleasure and reached down, her fingers, hot and quick like licks of flame, dragging down his chest with a little detour here and there to tease him before settling on his waist and curling on his narrow hips.

“You’re not too tired?” he asked.

“Do you want to stop?”

“… No.”

“Then no, I’m not,” she smiled.

He felt her legs uncoil from where they were crossed on top of his and she straddled him. Her hand gently held his head, fingers threading through his hair until her nails just lightly scraped against his scalp. Tom had never felt more feline or more inclined to purr. He closed his eyes and sighed against her lips as her body brushed against his back and forth, letting him taste the shape of her breasts, the delicate bones of her hips, and the softness of her core. One kiss melted into another and with growing urgency Tom gripped her thighs, supporting her in her sweet movements and parting her legs a little wider until they came to rest on either side of him. His fingers reached closer to her mound and he was happy to tease both her and himself with the promise of more. She gasped, then giggled against his lips when she felt what he too felt — the tip of his cock reaching up toward her. She looked into his eyes while canting her hips down and brushed the length of her slit across his sensitive head.

“You want to?” he whispered.

They never had before. It was only hands and fingers and a good deal of tongue. She didn’t answer but held her gaze fixed on his dark eyes as she raised her hips. It made Tom think, for a moment, that she would lift herself off of him completely, but instead, she lowered herself back down on him just low enough for her wet and throbbing folds to touch his cock in one long, slow caress. Her clit caught on the skin that hugged his tip and she bit her lip and whimpered, head tilting back with a shiver before she brought her eyes back onto his. His fingers curled into the flesh of her thighs.

“Please,” he whispered with all the urgency of a demand.

“Will you be a good boy?”

“No,” he answered petulantly.

She tutted and shook her head. “I suppose I have to be good for both of us, then.”

She leaned down and peppered kisses on his parted lips, nibbling at them and soothing them in turn, letting him taste her wine-sweet breath, and Tom, distractedly, didn’t even realise it when she’d lowered herself further, enveloping his tip. He gasped into her mouth as he felt his most sensitive part be taken into her warm and tight and infinitely soft grasp, further and further until something in him cracked and all his muscles tensed.

“S-slower,” he begged, his eyes closed tightly with a frown.

His nails cut into her flesh and he breathed in through clenched teeth, but above him she giggled breathlessly, leaving small kisses all over his face. She didn’t seem to care at all that she’d nearly ended him — and she called him evil…

Moving slowly, her body consumed his shaft until she reached the end. She whined and closed her eyes, absorbing the whole feeling and letting it take over all of her, then she licked her lips and moved just slightly, teasing him, pressing down just hard enough for him to feel her folds brush against his sac before parting with a sticky suckling sound.

“Tom,” she whispered shakily, burying her face into his neck. He could feel the heat of it, the blush that bloomed across her cheeks.

“What is it, my naughty girl?” he grinned.

“No,” she sighed, “you’re the naughty one. I’m good.”

Tom chuckled. “Oh, are you now?”

It amazed him how she had the nerve to turn shy now of all times. He dragged his nails across her back and it made her shiver even harder. He was glad to know that she enjoyed a little pain, just in case he had to punish her sometime.

“Show me, then,” he said. “Be good for me…”

She whined and braced her hands above his shoulders, nuzzling her heated face into his skin. He could feel it when her thighs tensed, and when she lifted herself only to come lower again, and again, and again. Tom groaned and arched his hips higher, his cock chasing her soft clasp, rubbing the weakest part of himself against the sweetest part of her. Drunk with her scent and taste and little noises, his head fell backwards heavily against the pillow, neck arched in supplication, and through panting breaths, he whispered her name. She laid kisses all over the top of his chest, her motions rushed and frantic, tickling his skin with her nipples. He could feel himself start dripping preacum into her, the beginnings of a wave of pleasure, and for a moment he felt almost embarrassed, but it was washed away with a desperate desire to take her. He finally had her and it hurt his pride to realise he genuinely wanted more.

“Harder,” he demanded, his arms pulling her legs further apart.

“Not yet,” she said between kisses.

“I won’t ask again…” he hissed. He wasn’t in the mood to play around.

“No.”

Tom huffed and gripped her tighter, and with a push of his leg against the too-soft mattress rolled her over on her back. He caught himself quickly, looming above her, and grabbed her by the arms to hold her still. She stared up at him in shock, her lips parted, gasping, and her first attempt to push him off her only shoved his member deeper.

“Wha— Oh… Fuck, Tom…”

“Like that?” he purred, thrusting down into her a little harder. He could feel the tip of her cervix and wanted so badly to batter against it. “Don’t deny me again.”

“You don’t tell me what to do…” she said, although he could already tell she struggled to keep her voice from trembling.

Even if it wasn’t Tom’s intention, he loved to see her vulnerable. He’d already figured out she enjoyed it when he took control. She closed her eyes as she centred herself, but then she looked up at him, glaring really, and with a viciously quick movement reached up to grab onto his hair.

Tom’s eyes narrowed and his teeth flashed. “Ah!” he yelped, “let go!”

But her legs came up around him and he felt her body curl. With each thrust of his, low and heavy and deep, her hips came up to meet him. If not for the punishing grip on his hair, he would’ve thought she liked it. The skin of his stomach stuck to hers, linked by beads of sweat, and when Tom started pumping into her harder his heavy sac slapped her lips.

“You let go!” she said.

“No.”

“Tom, damn it…”

“Sit still,” he hissed. “Just take it. Let me…”

She muttered a few useless curses and struggled against him but he could tell from how her eyes closed and her head tilted to the side that she was addled with pleasure. Her core sucked at him, her deepest muscles clenching. With an angling of his hips, Tom tried to reach that part of her that he knew would drive her mad.

“Aaah! Tom…”

“Right there?” he smirked, hitting that spot with sadistic precision.

Her grip on him went limp and her body arched, cries spilling from her lips, pushed out of her by him. His skin ran cold as the thought of a thousand hexes crossed his mind, things he could do to punish her for presuming she could toy with him, tell him what to do in their… what was it? For a moment he called it a “relationship”, but that was just what she was supposed to think. Nonetheless, he could not bring himself to hex her. At least, not yet. He sighed and moved a hand around to cup her breast, plucking at its tip while his hips worked to a rhythm of their own. He battered at the entrance to her womb as if he could find there the immortality he longed for. Her body grew more heated, slippery, her voice more frail with every moan.

“Be a good girl, now,” he sighed, his breath cooling her skin, “let go for me…”

“I c-can’t,” she whimpered, frowning from the overstimulation.

“Yes, you can. Don’t lie.”

“Tom… Tom, please…”

He replaced his fingers with his mouth and plucked at her nipple while his hand instead slid down between them. She nearly jumped when his cold fingers reached her clit, but Tom’s body held her down. He flicked the excited little nub while pumping harder into her, and were it not for her thighs tightening around his hips he would have thought, from hearing how she cried out, that she didn’t like it. Tom grinned around her flesh when he felt her start to tighten, her voice getting whiny and weak. He fixed his teeth around her bud and sunk deeper into her, and after only a few more teasing thrusts he felt her close impossibly around him. She screamed and yelped beneath him, her orgasm ravaging her tired body while she stayed completely under his control. Tom groaned and felt his flesh run suddenly hot. He groaned, his body stilled, and like the crack of a whip his loins convulsed and twitched and spilt everything they had in her.

“Oh fuck!” he cursed, lips loose around her nipple.

His body arched without his will, curling over hers, and his hips pushed a few more thrusts inside her as if he could go deeper still. She clenched tight around his cock, her channel flexing greedily to pull out everything he had. He spilt a shameful amount into her and she was soon overflowing until it came trickling down around his sac. When he was done he still felt his member twitching a little, kicking up into her.

Her grip around his hair had loosened, her body melting into a warm and pleased little puddle. Tom pulled away with a parting kiss to her nub and was embarrassed to see his spittle all around her breast and feel it on his cheeks. He felt like a drooling beast and nearly blushed, but then he looked up at her face again. Her eyes were closed, that angry frown all gone, and her swollen lips were curled in a sweet smile. She only frowned again when he tried to pull out of her.

“Mmmm… Don’t!” she complained without opening her eyes, her legs holding tight to him.

Tom would’ve laughed if he had the strength. “You know I have to…”

“No you don’t,” she said, her eyes parting into two thin slits that gazed down lovingly at him. “Stay here, forever.”

“I could’ve sworn you didn’t like me,” he said, arching a brow.

“You can be a brat… And you annoy me… But I like this.”

Tom chuckled and relaxed his body on top of her, holding himself up on his elbows while his cock took its place once more deep inside her. She wiggled pleasantly beneath him, as comfy as a bird in a nest, and sighed. If he weren’t still dizzy with pleasure, his skin tingling with flame, loins still throbbing to the same beat as her own, he might’ve been revolted by the feeling of his cock nestling in that sticky, damp mess — his and hers combined. But as it was, he couldn’t feel more perfect. He raised a hand up to her cheek and held it, thumb brushing gently across the flushed and tear-stained skin.

“I don’t like being played with,” he said in place of an apology.

“Oh?” she chuckled. “You were quite playful at work today.”

“You invited me.”

“We nearly got caught by Sister Silvia.”

“You enjoyed it,” he smirked.

She sighed and shook her head. Her legs stretched out alongside his and they lay tangled up together. Gingerly, he took his hand away from where it rested on her mound and brought it up a little higher, right above her womb. Then, with his lips in a half-kiss against her throat, he murmured one of the simpler contraceptive spells he could remember.

“I wish you weren’t mean to me sometimes,” she whispered, her hand coming gently up again to lay in his hair. “You scare me when you get so mean.”

“If you wouldn’t give me a reason to —” said Tom, then frowned and buried his face in her neck, ashamed. He’d just sounded like Mrs. Cole after giving him a lashing. “I just get vexed sometimes. You vex me, to be precise.”

“Do I?” she smiled. “It’s not my intention. I just… don’t know how to be around you. I don’t think I’ve met someone like you before.”

“I know,” he said. “But maybe try a little harder, and you might just tempt me not to leave.”

Immediately upon saying that, her body, though motionless, froze. It was exactly the reaction he’d anticipated.

Tom eased the tension in his arms and legs and pulled himself off her, rolling carefully to the side and pulling the blanket up to their necks, tucking them both in. He groaned at how difficult it was — to separate from her, to leave her soft warm body that still clung to his so tight. It did little to distract her from the panic the mere threat of his leaving caused, and her eyes traced him as they would a thief or traitor.

“You didn’t think I’d stay forever, did you?” he continued.

“I don’t know, I —”

“Would you?”

“Tom, what do you mean?”

“Leave,” he said, a smile hiding his deceit. “With me.”

II

She turned on her side and curled up facing him. Her aches and sores and all her tender parts were far from her mind now, even if the simple act of shifting made her hurt deliciously. She reached toward his hand that rested on the pillow and pressed her cheek to it. The drunkenness of pleasure was all but washed out of her mind by fear, despair, a looming dread, and she was desperate for any sign of tenderness from him. Tom could be so soothing when he wanted to, his hands so soft, his skin so cool, his motions smooth and silky… He reminded her of some fabled forest creature or a mystical thing that rose from rivers to answer mortal wishes. In short, he was like a dream. And she hated that he threatened her with waking up.

“I can’t go with you, Tom,” she said.

“Why not? What keeps you here?”

“Well, everything…”

He scoffed, his eyes much darker in the shadows, and yet his body, as if disconnected from his mind, stayed just the same — beside her, touching her, his thumb brushing her cheek.

“You lie,” he said. His forehead came to rest against her own, and she couldn’t keep herself from smiling.

She finally felt safe enough to wrap her arms around his waist again and curl her leg over his own.

“What am I lying about, you cruel beast?” she whispered, her lips so near his mouth. Her hand slid to his hair again and scraped him gently in that way she knew he liked.

“This life. Everything about it,” he said, his eyes half-closed in pleasure but his tone quite serious. “Don’t you think it pointless? Doesn’t it make you… lose your mind sometimes?”

“But it’s… it’s not that pointless, is it? Besides, I like my job.”

“You do?” he chuckled, almost a laugh.

“Well, maybe not the job itself, but… I like the work. I like the quiet of the shop, the books, the look of them, the smell… I even like the customers we get.”

“What is there to like about it?” he scoffed, and she felt his frown on her own skin. His eyes, of such an intense dark they seemed almost red, looked into her own and through her. She wondered what he was looking for when he got like that… “Slaving away the better part of your day, and some nights besides. Coming home exhausted and capable of little more than the oblivion of sleep. Working for a crude and disgusting old fool who you know is taking advantage of you, and underpaying you, and making you do things you find reprehensible — and for what? For the privilege of working in a run-down building among books that will never be yours?”

His words taken on their own were cruel, but he spoke them without any meanness toward her. If anything, he sounded… outraged. And tired, so so tired.

His eyes lost that faraway look and found their focus again, returning to hers.

She cupped his cheek and held his face. “What troubles you?” she whispered.

“I thought I just described it in great detail.”

“But it’s just… another way to live. There are worse fates.”

“And there are better ones, too.”

“Yes,” she sighed, “but none that are available to me.”

The sharp look in his eyes told her something his lips didn’t and around her waist she felt his grip tightening.

“Yes there is,” he said, “and what path is not open, you should break open.”

She knew what he was talking about, of course, even if she was too scared to think it. “I wish I could be as good at it as you are…”

“Be careful what you wish for,” he said with a faint smile. It was incredible how that simple shifting of the features changed his face and brought back to her attention just how plush his lips were.

“I wish you’d kiss me,” she said instead.

He clicked his tongue, displeased with her, but leaned in anyway and pressed his mouth to hers in something very gentle. She purred happily, even if it was too brief for her liking.

“And I wish you’d show me the loyalty you show to your employment,” he said before she even finished licking her lips.

“Tom,” she grumbled, “I have a whole life here. My work, this flat, even my friends… I can’t just leave for —”

“For me?”

“For the unknown.”

His eyes narrowed. He must have heard in what she said a criticism of how little he revealed about himself.

“Besides,” she continued, her face still pillowed in his palm, “what do you mean about me doing reprehensible things?”

“Well, haven’t you?”

“I did not!”

“I don’t mean the things we did together,” said Tom with eerie calm. “But has the Baron never asked you to do anything… illegal?”

She felt her heart begin to thump and her limbs grew cold. He couldn’t be referring to that French boy… could he?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she managed to say, slowly curling in on herself.

A slow song on the radio filled the lengthy pause that grew between them.

“Now who’s being secretive?” Tom whispered. He pulled her to his chest and rested his head over hers, covering her as if he could shield her from the world. “Just know,” he added, “that I would never judge you. No matter what horrible things that old madman made you do, no matter how stained your soul becomes…”

“Thank you, Tom,” she chuckled, noticing just then that her throat was closing up with unshed tears.

“The only thing I will judge you for, however,” he said with a smile, “is weakness.”

“Well,” she laughed, “I have plenty of that too.”

“So I’ve noticed,” he said, and she felt him shaking his head. “Vexing…”

She closed her eyes against his chest, her lashes tickling his skin, and held on tighter. Here he was, hot and cold and distant and intense, asking her to leave her life for him and rending her heart straight in two. He was the most beautiful boy she’d ever seen, but he was a whole world onto himself, a braided briar of knowledge and pleasure and suffering shared — which was a good deal better than suffering alone. He was tempting.

“Stop talking,” she sighed, her hand sliding from his hair down his thin long back, and lower to his hips. “Stop lying.”

Tom took a deep breath in, and let it hiss out slowly. “Alright,” he said at length. “Then how about we forget about your duty, and mine, and live the way we wish to? We can act like those wealthy snobs who have no cares in the world. Perhaps we can even learn a thing or two.”

She buried her giggles in his chest. “You certainly know how to make an appealing proposition.”

“Good,” he said. “I should make more of them.”

“I wish you would.”

He stroked her hair and smoothed it down from the mess it had become during their lovemaking. “Why don’t we go to the opera?”

She paused in thought. Tom never struck her as the artistic type, and he merely tolerated it whenever she put on a record or turned on the radio.

“You don’t want something more modern? You… you didn’t like the jazz we went to?”

She couldn’t see it, but could feel Tom scoff. “Come now, we’re better than that.”

If she weren’t so tired, she might have laughed. “You really want to go?”

“Why not?” he said, his soft hand settling on her naked back. “If you were lucky and I were lucky and we were born to wealthy families, that’s where we would go for ‘fun’. So why not try?”

“But I know nothing of the opera…”

“That’s alright,” said Tom, sounding a little too satisfied about it, “I have the perfect one in mind.”

[mrs-snape5984]

“Oh, breathe, just breathe…”

“'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable. And life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe…” (“Breathe (2AM)” by Anna Nalick)

Sometimes, you just have to accept, that there are things, that can’t be changed or fixed anymore…at least not right now. I guess, I’m more and more coming to terms with this insight, considering the fact, that it just doesn’t make sense to wrap my head around the reason for my disease ME/CFS.

I can’t alter my previous decisions. For the past two years, I’ve blamed myself for catching Covid on an Open Air concert of my German favourite punk rock band “Die Ärzte”…especially viewed in the context that I avoided social gatherings since late 2019 because of my medicinal immune suppression. But when I got these tickets as a gift in 2022, my brain must have shut down and I started to belittle the potential risks of catching the virus by telling myself, that I would stand in the back of the crowd, beneath the open sky. This was also the first occasion, when I didn’t wear my mask…after enduring being bullied and mocked for wearing masks everywhere and rejecting every single invitation to parties and simple get-togethers.

Well…only one week later, my life- as I knew it before - came to an abrupt halt. I don’t want to go into detail about my current situation in this post. Whoever knows me and also my prior posts, is probably already fed up with my complaints about ME/CFS and its results for my life.

So, all I can do now, is to breathe. Deliberately slowly…breathing in…and breathing out. Calming my nerves…soothing my troubled mind with my fantasies of Severus and my absolutely self-inserted OC Jules…

I’ve commissioned someone new for this project. Someone different from all those lovely artists of Snapedom, who I regularly contacted for my usual coping mechanism of commissioning artworks of Sevy and Jules.

This time, I reached out to @pinklovecharm, an incredibly kind and understanding artist, who made me speechless with this drawing. I asked her to help my imagination of Severus and Jules, being on a walk in the forest, come to life.

I can’t tell you, how much I’m missing this simple activity of enjoying the autumn sunshine and some fresh air on a walk in the woods. In my fantasy, Severus would apparate us to a secluded path in the middle of the forest, wrapping his arm around my waist to support my steps. We wouldn’t talk much…but Severus would remind me of the importance of breathing…and he would exercise it with me…patiently waiting for me to eventually calm down. He’s my safe haven…my home.

My dear Sadie, you can’t imagine, how much you soothed my soul with your mesmerising art and your kind-heartedness. You really achieved to put me into my OC Jules…with all her emotions and physical attributes….and you even integrated my cane into your drawing! Normally, I don’t show my reference pictures publicly, but I’m too impressed by your dedication to the details of my appearance, that I can’t stop myself from presenting them here. Thank you for everything, you wonderful person! I hope, we’ll stay in touch and that I may commission you again.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy and Jules🖤

[nipuni]

Time for an old school blog post, Hello!

Just various updates about life and shows and clothes and some photos! Adding a read more cut because I talk too much 😊

Happy equinox everyone!! The mild weather has been wonderful for daily park walks. We have been taking our meals outside as often as we can to make the most of it before summer scorches the land and all life. The longer days allow for a lot more wandering too but the imminent return of the heat is also making the longing to move up north worse by the day. We miss the choppy ocean and seaside cliffs 😭 We love the silence and the rain and the nippy sea breeze!! it's like being suspended in early spring for half the year and a rainy autumn the other half, Ideal if you don't mind humidity, but that's what wellies and flat caps are for. We have been looking for properties to rent to show up everyday so for now we lie in wait.

Speaking of nature, a few months ago we discovered a free app called Plantnet that you use to take and upload photos of plants, trees, flowers and it will identify them for you. You keep a log with their locations and can share them too to help contribute to each local biodiversity database. It feels like a pokedex for plants. There are many apps like this one to choose from too. It's been so fun learning what all these plants are called and memorizing them! I recommend it, is like a little educational side quest to take on while stretching your legs and getting some fresh air. This is not an ad I promise lmao I just think it's neat! kind of sad feeling the need to clarify that.

This weather is also making me want to start making outfit posts again! It's been so long since I made any!! my winter wardrobe is mostly long wool coats or capes and boots so the inspiration wasn't there but now I'm ready to pull out all my stuff back from under my bed storage and experiment again 👏 I've also been meaning to share some of Nicolas outfits for ages too so there is more variety, could be fun!

Speaking of clothes, lately I've grown more and more frustrated with how poorly most clothes fit me to the point where I'm considering learning how to make them from scratch. I usually have to take in the tops and hem the bottoms but most things I try on are just built weird even if I fix the size, or maybe I'm built weird! I think it may be both. Nicolas also said he would love to learn along with me so we will probably embark on that adventure soon. OH and on a short tangent, I got myself a sort of binder-like top that flattens the chest a bit and I'm loving it! I'm very flat already but what little bust I do have has always bothered me when I dress and I've found I feel a lot more comfortable in this type of top. I'm glad I tried it out so if you feel similarly you may want to give it a go too, see how it feels!

On the media side of things we have also been watching more of David Tennant's work. We are still very much in love with him to an embarrassing degree, you can probably tell if you follow me anywhere, my likes on twitter alone give me away alksjdf and Nicolas isn't any better! if he used social media his would look the same lmao.

Since my last report we have watched and absolutely LOVED "There She Goes" we already want to watch it again honestly. The family dynamics for all his characters are always so real and refreshing!! Their relationship with their wives especially are always so believable in every series we've seen, the comfort and camaraderie, the banter and just friendship! You can tell they enjoy each other's company, it feels true. I love it so much!!

We also watched "Inside man" which was..a very stressful mess but David was incredible as always, also very hot and very pitiful which is always great, and Stanley Tucci was on it! so that's also fun.

Then we rewatched season one of Good Omens and the first 4 seasons of Doctor Who, with all the extra content like the Confidentials, deleted scenes, video diaries and more, they are just so good!! our list of favourite episodes keeps growing, season four is incredible, we are loving all these seasons even more the second time around!! Now we are probably going to start watching either Classic Who or Torchwood, along with more of David's work. We were trying to pick what to watch during dinner the other day and Nicolas was like 'damn, David is not in this though, I miss him' and lmao same so now we just watch one show without him and one with him right after to cope 😂

OH we have also been doing more historical reenactment! Since the last one in the 20's we jumped back to Regency times. We have been putting our outfits together for a ball soon and hopefully another one in autumn in the UK 😊 1800 is the farthest back in time we've been yet so it's been fun doing research, finding pieces and learning the dances in class but also very hectic. I'll share more about this soon!

Then we also have a couple of 1900 events coming soon, so I'll be sharing more Edwardian looks as well, our favourite era!!

Anyway I think that's all for now, thanks for reading to whoever is doing so!! I know this is long and not a popular blogging format anymore but I enjoy it a lot, maybe some of you do too 🥰 I will reply to some messages soon, I'm so sorry I'm so bad at keeping up with those!! I've read them all and cherish every word 🥺 Thank you for supporting my art and shenanigans as always!! I hope you have a great week!!

[heavyhitterheaux]

Girls Night Out

First Babies of Private Garden Fic

AN: leaving Jack, Urban, Druski, and Clay in charge is bound to not end well lmao

Synopsis: First Lady's first girls night after having the triplets, and she has all the confidence in the world in her husband to keep everything running smoothly even if she is a little hesitant at first. Little does she know Jack is scared shitless. This escalates once he loses sight of two of his children.

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: my boo @nattinatalia and baby mama @harlowcomehome😘💕

First Babies of Private Garden Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

“Baby, I thought you were getting dressed?” Jack asked as he came up behind you, currently staring in the mirror attempting to fix your hair for the third time.

“I was…I am. I….just are you going to be okay with them? I feel guilty leaving you by yourself.”

“Stop worrying. And besides, I have Clay, Urb, and Dru so I won’t be by myself. You deserve this and you need to get out of the house.” Jack replied as he kissed your temple and you slowly nodded your head agreeing with him.

“But…”

“No. Worst comes to worst, I call 911.”

“Uhh, babe. I hope we don’t have to get to that point. I thought that you were going to say that you were going to call Maggie or my mom.”

“Same difference.” Jack replied while shrugging.

He was putting on a good front right now seeing as that he was scared shitless. He wanted for you to go out and enjoy yourself seeing as this would be the first time you’ve gone out since they had been born.

Jess and B had helped you pick out a new outfit seeing as they would be the ones taking you out for the night.

However, you had all the confidence in the world in him and knew that he would be able to survive without you since you’ve seen first hand how amazing he is with them.

You had slipped on your dress, but couldn’t help to pick apart everything that had changed since their birth and things that weren’t back to normal just yet.

Jack noticed it and came up behind you in the mirror to wrap his arms around you and placed his chin on your shoulder.

“You look gorgeous, baby. No wonder I put three babies in you.”

You immediately rolled your eyes before laughing as you turned your head to kiss him.

“But you can kinda see my stretch marks.”

“And? If someone says anything, I’ll beat their ass. Now hurry up and get downstairs before Jess and B come up in here yelling.”

“Yes, I know. We’re full of hot chips and bad decisions.”

You walked downstairs to see Clay, Urban, and Druski all scattered around the living room while the triplets were currently on the floor having tummy time. You could tell Axel was over it and went to pick him up first.

“DAMN, okay miss mamas. I see why Jack got you pregnant.”

“BYE Dru.”

“I’ll do it again soon too.” Jack replied and all you did was eye him as Axel was now playing with your necklace.

You placed a kiss on his cheek and handed him to Urban, while you did the same thing with Autumn who got handed to Clay, and Ivy who got handed to her father.

“Now you all be on your best behavior.”

“Axel is saying ‘we will mommy’.” Urban quickly answered while bouncing him on his lap.

“Oh. I meant the four of you, not them. I don’t worry about Clay seeing as he has the most sense, but… yeah I’m not worried about the babies. Please call me if you need me.”

“What the? We have sense!” Urb said trying to defend the three of them, but all you did was look at him with a tight lipped smile.

Druski didn’t say anything because he knew that lowkey you were right. 

“No, we aren’t calling you because we got this. Now go.” Jack said as he handed you your black Birkin and was trying to push you towards the door.

“Look, my triplets and my little baby better be in one piece when I get back or else.”

“WHAT? What about me? YOUR HUSBAND?”

All you did was give him a blank stare as you heard Clay stifle a laugh from behind you.

“SERIOUSLY?”

“Umm yeah so I love you and I’m leaving.”

“I love you too, and you have nothing to worry about.”

Now Jack had something to worry about.

It was only an hour in with watching the triplets when he came back in the living room and noticed Druski looking around frantically.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Jack asked while looking at him confused while opening a bottle of water.

“Sooo, five minutes ago there were three kids in here, now there’s only two.”

“WHAT?” Jack asked and he could feel his heart rate start to increase. 

“SHE WAS JUST THERE!”

Even though the house was baby proofed, you and Jack just never knew with the triplets seeing as their newest obsession was climbing over the baby gates. 

“AND NOW SHE’S NOT! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LOST MY DAUGHTER. YOU HAD ONE JOB, ONE!”

“And your wife already thinks yall need supervision and she was proven right.” Clay added while Autumn was simply sitting next to him watching all of this go down.

“Shut it, Clayborn and you better not tell her either!”

“I’ll tell her if you don’t find them. Then she’ll have to divorce you and marry me.”

“I’m ignoring you.”

“You’re mad just because I’m right.” 

“SHE HAS THEM FAST LEGS FROM YOU. NO WAY IN HELL SHE GOT THEM FROM YOUR SHORT ASS WIFE.”

“OUTTA POCKET! YOU LOST IVY AND NOW YOU’RE COMING FOR Y/N? I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE CALLED NAS INSTEAD!”

“I mean… Y/N is on the short side.” Urb added, but now looked down to see  Axel wasn’t at his feet anymore like he was less than a few minutes ago.

“Oh um…”

“Urb, where’s Axe?” Jack asked, seeing as now the only baby in the room was Autumn.

“HE WAS JUST THERE!”

“I TOLD YALL ASSES THAT THEY CAN CRAWL AND TO KEEP THEM IN YOUR SIGHT AT ALL TIMES! BOTH OF YOU FIND MY KIDS, NEOW!”

“This is why I’m little baby and why your wife will always love me more.”

“Clay, not now. Just watch Autumn.”

“Yes, now! Have fun explaining to your wife how you lost not one, but two kids.”

As Jack, Urban, and Druski were scrambling throughout the house, Clay decided to put on Fast and Furious for him and Autumn to watch. 

Druski was checking underneath the couches

Urban was in the kitchen 

While Jack was on his way to the pantry when he saw what was on the television.

“CLAY! She is too young to watch that!”

“But she likes it! And you’re never too young for Dom Toretto. All about family, but you lost half of yours.”

Urban had just come back in the living room and heard what Clay had said and immediately laughed. 

“URB! WHERE’S AXE?

“Not in the kitchen, I can definitely tell you that.” He answered as he was now eating chips. 

“We need to find them before Y/N comes back!”

“Knowing her, Jess, and Blanca, they’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“That was the case before we had children.”

Jack went back on his search when he opened the pantry and found Ivy eating some of her baby snacks and was as content as she could be. Jack then let out a sigh of relief, but he was only relieved for so long seeing as Axel was still nowhere to be found.

He quickly picked her while still allowing her to hold onto her snacks and went back into the living room. 

“Well look who found one of the lost children.”

“Clayborn, shut up.”

“I should call mom too and tell her about this.”

“DON’T YOU FUC-..... DARE! Just here, watch her.” Jack said as he handed Ivy to Clay who he put on the opposite side of him.

Just then Jack’s phone went off indicating a facetime call from you.

“Shit…”

“Answer it or I’ll tell her.”

“I swear I’ve been fighting for my life ever since your ass was born.” Jack replied to him before answering you.

“Baby! Why are you calling me?! I told you I got it and not to worry.”

“I’m worried! I can’t help it. Are all of you okay?!” You asked and he could see that you had your dessert in front of you which looked like a cheesecake of some sort.

“We’re fine, babe. Just watching movies with the babies.”

“Well I’m on my way back. You survived at least 2 and a half hours without me and I miss them.”

Jack could feel the panic start to set in. 

“Wait, what? Already? Babe, you can stay out longer and wait a minute…. you miss them and not me?!”

“I’ve been looking at you since I was fourteen, you can take a backseat for a while.”

“I swear between you, Dua, and Clay. That’s why I have gray hair now.”

“Love you boo bear! See you soon! I’m not far.”

“I love you too, mamas.”

Once you hung up, Jack simply sighed and looked at Clay.

“Soo, how long do we have before she gets back?”

“25 minutes at the most, but with the way she drives, make that 12.”

While Clay stayed in the living room, the rest of them continued with their search.

“Urb, how much time do we have left?” Jack asked while looking over at him. 

“She should be here in five minutes so you better make your son appear.”

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO LOST HIM, NOT ME!”

“And I’m telling my bestie that it was you. You know you two are my parents too and that I need to be supervised at all times.”

“Oh like the time they left you at wingstop?”

“Dru! Not now!”

“Yeah, dark times and I never plan on letting them forget it either. I was ready to get put up for adoption.”

Just then, Jack went over to where the golden girls were and saw Axel terrorizing Blanche and quickly picked him up. He was thankful that she hadn’t bitten him and could only imagine how you would have had some choice words for him if that happened. The huskies were now full grown and one wrong move could come with a lot of bad consequences. 

“Axe, how did you even get over here and get over the gate?!”

All he did was look at him and laugh as all three of them walked back into the living room.

“I’m never babysitting with you again, not until they’re ten. At the very least.”

“Whatever wifey asks you, we NEVER speak of this.”

The door quickly opened and you made your way inside to see that everyone was still in one piece.

“Hey, I brought back food! Looks like the little baby and my triplets are okay, so I guess you can survive without me.” You said while reaching up to kiss Jack and quickly taking Axel away from him.

“I told you that we would be fine.”

Clay then stifled a laugh which earned him a smack in the back of the head by Jack. 

“I knew you could do it, I had nothing but confidence in you the entire time.”

“At least one of us did.” Dru muttered and Jack shot him a look.

You then looked over at Clay and was confused and he was wondering what was going on and why you were looking at him that way.

“Y/N, you okay?” 

“Clay, where’s Autumn?”

“Oh fuck. Not again.” Jack said and you immediately turned to him confused.

“What do you mean not again? Baby, what are you talking about?”

“Umm, nothing, babe. Just go get comfortable while we look for her.” Jack said as he kissed your forehead and took Axel from you.

You were hesitant, but you did as you were told. Once you were up the steps and out of earshot, Jack glared at Clay.

“She was just there!”

“SAVE IT! And help me find her before Y/N comes back down here!”

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[biteofcherry]

Okay, so picture this:

You’re out on the town with your friends, it’s a late night of bar hopping in a city you’ve never been before. Tonight is your last one there, so they insist on making the most of it well into the early hours of the morning. You find yourselves in an old historic part of town and are drawn by the energy of a storefront, somehow still open at this late hour. Your friends are caught up in themselves, sharing jokes with tipsy laughter as you enter the door alone, greeted by an old woman. In your drunken unfilteredness, you spill everything to her: why you’re on this trip, why you sometimes feel unlucky in love, how you’ve been pining after this man, but for some reason he doesn’t seem to notice. She offers you some tea, it would be rude to turn down her hospitality, but she’s got a twinkle in her eye. She’s actually a witch doctor who can make potions to grant your wish of not being alone anymore. She can make the man you want, want you back, or at least give them that extra push (bc they def already have feelings, just don’t show it and try to shove them down). When you return home, having forgotten about your drunken encounters, you’re confused as to why this man is all over you. Is it:

work rival Steve, childhood friend Ransom, or neighbor Andy ?

okay okay okay 👀 let's think

Why would we pin after a work rival? I mean, I get that it's Steve and it's reason enough. Valid point. Are we like serious rivals? Enemies about to become lovers? Is there heat and threats and unresolved sexual tension?

Ransom can be a childhood friend, but is he worthy of pinning? He's handsome, but also a spoiled asshole who treats his staff poorly. I suppose he's good to us and maybe even spoils us a bit. He's definitely cozy to snuggle up with on autumn evenings, watching movies.

Is the gloomy neighbor Andy a just widowed/divorced hermit, who gives charming smiles, but keeps to himself? Does that intrigue us? Do we want to make him smile more often and imagine ourselves as fixing his broken heart?

🤔🤔🤔

I don't see myself pining after Ransom 😜 I would find him hot and want to fuck him, but for me he's not a type to be crushing on. At least not for the adult me. My teenage self could probably fall for the smart but cunt appeal.

So I'm left with neighbor Andy and rival coworker Steve...

Who am I kidding, we all know who I'm going to choose! BUT let me tell you, it wasn't just because he's Steve. It was the fact he was given the enemies to lovers sort of trope and lots of tension that just begs to be resolved. And yes, I can see myself having some fixation on a man that is hot, but also challenges me on an intellectual level and understands the value of our work, is possibly admirable in his field, too.

[black-flag-if]

So, tested all RO routes. All good. No broken links or wrong directions. Fixed the smaller mistakes that I caught and bigger ones that isn't supposed to show up for some. I have not tested all possible options - I'm one person and it's just impossible with there being so many variables and options. There shouldn't be anything huge, however, as I've tested every passage with nothing major. If it does happen for you, or something just seems weird, please let me know where. I won't answer every message telling me for mistakes but if you don't write as an anon, I can answer you personally when I get to it. With that said, I will update a bit later. I'm glad to have it off my hands.

Moving forward, I will be revising again. I want to try the point system for bold/shy/mixed options. I was also doing point systems for the ROs but I'm horrible at keeping track of the points so I've been using variables for options chosen which is not working good for me because it's getting messy and very difficult to organise. At least for the messy route, but could be just because they're messy anyway. 😅

Come autumn, I hope to figure out and organise how to continue further. Ideas appreciated. Please let me know what you think of the update later. I don't like all the routes but I tried my best. I am already itching to change someone's scenes but I'll do that later. Anyways, let me know what's working and what's not. What you'd like to see or what's too much, if anything.

I am also available to fixing bugs by next weekend. And if someone just wants to wait until revisions, or when I'll have more time to fixing bugs, that's fine too. It will be a while though. I shouldn't rush with updates. The story lacks and the characters don't feel like how I want them to. (I'm not happy about some of their scenes so I'll be changing some). Plus, I just feel sluggish afterwards so I'll be trying to take better care of myself too. Take care!!

[seenoversundown]

The Caravel Tavern Series : Prologue

Warnings: mentions of drinking/alcohol, sibling banter, fluff/wholesome/good vibes.

Word Count: 4.2k

Summary: The opening of Caravel Tavern was a dream come true for Jake. With the help of his best friends and brothers, naturally. In a small city in New England, it's rare to come across new faces. (or even run into some from the past)

A 4 Book interconnected series where they find love in the most unexpected ways. The bar was Jake's dream, but somehow is helping everybody else's dreams come true as well.

Rom-Com • Enemies To Lovers • Love At First Sight • Rekindled High School Sweethearts • Workplace Romance • AU - Boys x OCs

Night Moves - Bob Seger  “When you just don't seem to have as much to lose Strange how the night moves With autumn closin' in”                                               

Two Days until Open 

Flipping the heavy lock and hearing the door chime has become my favorite way to start my day. After six long months of fixing up this place, it’s only days from officially opening. I’ve spent countless hours cleaning it up, with the help of my brothers, obviously. But it has come together and finally feels like mine.

 “Goodmoooooorning!” Josh sings from across the room. 

“Good Morrow!” I can’t help the slight accent that comes along with it. 

Josh has been helping me decorate, thrift, and create things to match the aesthetic here. Deciding to develop a piratical vibe with a touch of retro themes felt right. We’ve spent hours finding the perfect pieces to hang, and thankfully, Josh has a good eye for all that. Red neon signs adorned the walls, with my favorite “Sinners Welcome” sign hanging behind the bar. 

“I think we are getting close to finishing with the decor,” Josh says, turning to make eye contact with me. 

“If you’re happy with it, then I’m happy with it,” I said, smiling back at him. “Just let me know what I can do to help. Otherwise, I’ll be organizing until the cows come home.” 

The door chimes ringing as Sam, our younger brother, walks through the door, Daniel quickly following behind. 

Daniel has practically been part of our family since we were kids, so he is treated like a brother. He and Sam went to school together and instantly attached at the hip, so he was at our house often throughout the years. When the time came, he chose not to go away for college, and I helped him get a job with me at the Shipyard. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a glamorous job, but it’s one of the better-paying options— at least it wasn’t a factory. 

“Okay, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, we come bearing gifts, and by that, I mean, I hope you like these coffees,” Sam announces as he makes his way to the bar, “black– because I texted both of you and neither replied, so it’s your fault.” 

“Some of us have jobs, Sam,” I said back.

Josh pulls out his phone, and I can see him click around for a second, “Oh yeah, there it is.”

Sam abruptly set the coffee on the bar in front of us with a shit-eating grin.

“Mental note, keep coffee creamer,” Josh mumbles and Sam holds a bag out to him before taking a sip.

“I didn’t forget your caramel cold foam whipped cream bullshit that you put in your coffee.”

Josh’s face lights up at the sight, “Wow, you do care about me,” putting on the dramatics per usual, “Also– I better not be Tweedle Dum.”

Sam let out a sinister laugh with an exaggerated shrug, “Guess we’ll never know!”

Since Sam got home from college, he’s been helping Josh and myself get everything done for the bar. Often, he’s reluctant or tries to make it seem that way. I can tell that he likes to be a part of everything. He’s been offering to take pictures of the bar. We have all the beer available, so we can post them on our Instagram, which I’m glad he understands is part of the business because I do not. 

“Thank you, Samuel,” I say. “Lucky for you, I always take my coffee black.” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“I think if I have to look at another beer can today,” Sam starts, “I’ll lose my mind completely.” 

I giggle as I continue to track what we have in stock, “The worst is almost over, bud.” 

I’m sure opening the week of Thanksgiving seems like a terrible concept, and, to be frank- it’s overwhelming. I hope the six months of bickering with everybody will prove it was worth it.

“Hey, boss,” Daniel starts, “is there anything else you’d like me to do?”

I’m not exactly proud of how much he startled me. I should be more used to how quiet he is by now, but I don’t think I’ll ever be. 

“Jesus Christ,” I stop to process the question. “No, buddy, you can go home. It’s getting late, and we all probably could stand to get some rest before actually opening.” 

With no hesitation, I hear Sam ask from the other room, “Does that include me also?” 

“Yes, go home!” I shout over to him.

The door chime rings suddenly, causing Josh and me to laugh, walking over to find whatever he is working on. Carefully tapping the frame to ensure it’s centered on the nail, he looks incredibly focused. 

“We can also be done for the night,” I tell him, putting my arm around his shoulders. 

“Well, even better news, that was the last thing I needed to hang.” He says.

“You’ve outdone yourself, really.” I compliment him. 

Patting my hand a few times, he tells me, “Did it up just right, and it’s all for you, brother.”

We stare at each other silently for a second. 

“I’m just elated to see you finally going for your dreams.” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Opening Night

The room glows in red from the neon signs we’ve hung, making everything feel real suddenly as I look at the locked door. We decided to open a little later in the day so the ambiance would be there. Also, who opens a bar on their first day at noon? 

“How are you feelin’?” Daniel asked, squeezing my shoulder to wake me up from my nervous state. 

“I’m not well.” 

He laughs at my response. “It’s going to be great, Jake.” 

I spent a moment trying to crack my knuckles before letting out the breath I had been holding. Listening to the quiet, jazzy riff that Sam is playing on the piano, tucked into the corner. 

“You think so?” turning to him for a bit of reassurance.

“Absolutely. I think you’re onto something great, buddy,” he tells me.

My hands shake as I turn the jukebox on for the first official time, hearing the music start playing throughout the bar; we all look at each other for a second with smiles plastered across all our faces. 

“Okay, it’s time,” I say as I turn the deadbolt. Seeing Josh pull the little chain on the ‘Open’ sign in the window makes my heart thump even louder. 

The moment feels like slow motion as the door opens, and it isn’t one of the four of us who have been working here. I had hardly taken two steps back when the chime went off. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” my mom gasps, stepping over the threshold, “This is wonderful.” 

She immediately pulls me into a hug; all my nerves disappeared in a simple gesture. 

“You did the damn thing, now didn’t ya bub?” Dad finally speaks up, giving me his signature side hug. 

Before I knew it, Josh was already toting our parents around the bar, showing them all the decor he was proud of finding. A few customers who weren’t family had started to trickle in and sit at the bar. 

“I actually made Jake meet me after work so he could help me pull this out of the dumpster,” Josh explains, louder than I wished he would. A collective “oooh” followed his statement, realizing that a handful of customers sitting close to the tour were also listening to him now. 

“I painted this for him,” he continues, pointing at his framed artwork. He’s always been artistic; his imagination was incredible.

 A miniature painting of Queen Anne’s Revenge sat in a gold frame. He’s always known that I love everything about pirates and their history. That was one of the first things he made for the bar when I told him I would officially buy it. 

“That’s beautiful,” our mom gasped, leaning in to look at the little details even closer. “You really did that, Sunshine?!” Her voice raises excitedly, causing even more customers to glance over. Covering my mouth with my hand, I try to contain the laugh. Josh really did turn into Mom over the years, huh? 

“You obviously know that Jake loves his pirates,”

“Oh, I sure do,” Mom says, “Remember when he would cry because his favorite pirate ship jammies needed to be washed?” 

“Alright, alright. Mum, we don’t need to bring it up,” I chime in, “ again,” shaking my head at the trip down memory lane.

My dad finally snuck away from the Grand Tour, found a seat at the bar, and started to make conversation with a few people. 

Glancing over to the door as it opens, Old Man Chuck strolls in, immediately making eye contact. He makes his way over to the corner stool at the bar. 

Without asking, I slide a beer over to him.

“Ya did a hell of a job, kid. Place looks wicked good,” he mumbles. 

“Thank you, Sir,” I matched his volume, “that one’s on me.” He gave me a subtle nod. 

Old Man Chuck wasn’t a man of many words, and I respected that. He took a chance to sell me the bar; I’ll always be grateful. It probably helps that I have spent plenty of nights here when he still owned it, but where else am I supposed to go when my apartment is only two floors above?

As the night goes on, people start trickling in. Living in Portland for so long, you realize everyone knows everyone. Considering we were rapidly approaching Thanksgiving, many people were home for the holidays and in need of a break from their families. 

I scan the bar to see if anybody hasn’t been tended to when I see Sam trying his hardest to converse with Chuck, and it’s not working. I walk over, touching his shoulder to get his attention.

“Sammy boy, can you just do a quick round and make sure everyone in the booths is good?” I quickly ask him.

“Aye, aye, Captain.” 

I watch as he makes his way to each table, collecting empty glasses and making occasional small talk with some of the groups.

“Everyone good over here?” I could hear him asking from behind the bar. 

Even though he would complain daily about helping out, I could tell he didn’t mind doing this part as much. I could never say to him because it would go straight to his head, and I’d never hear the end, but I’m incredibly proud of him. Poor kid hasn’t worked a day in his life, and I’ve been putting him through it for the last few months. 

“Oh, you sell things at the farmer’s market too?” he asks. “What’s your Instagram? I’ll follow you real quick!” 

He’s always been comfortable talking to people; he usually seems carefree. I’ve always admired how sure of himself he is. I don’t know if it’s the amount of time he spends outside or that he got a few years away from us, but he’s gotten much more comfortable with himself.

“So.. do you have a boy-“ 

All of that to say, he has absolutely no game with the ladies. 

“Hey bud, I told you to check on everyone,” I glance over at the girl and back at Sam, “not harass them.” 

“Jake, what are you doing?” he spits out, “I’m so sorry- uhh” 

I give him a quick double pat on the back and nod towards the bar. 

“Are you kidding? I was trying to–” Sam continues as I stroll behind the bar. “Do you actually hate me?” 

“You were not about to win her over, Sam,” I laugh. “She’s been making eyes at Daniel all night.” 

I watch him deflate, putting the dirty glasses he brought back in the bin beside me. 

“She doesn’t seem like your type anyway.” 

“And you know what my type is?” He questions with a smug look on his face. 

“She clearly wasn’t feisty enough to put up with your stubborn ass,” I quip back with a smile. 

Unimpressed with my response, he goes back to mingling with customers. I find myself watching him as he makes small talk. 

I probably shouldn’t step in on his attempts at flirting, but I could see that one imploding a little too quickly. 

I don’t have the best of luck with women myself. I haven’t been on a date in God knows how long. The bar has kept me so busy I don’t even consider it. There are too many things I need to think about constantly, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to do that to someone. 

Scanning the room, I notice a couple sitting together in one of the booths, his arm draped over her shoulders. The way she looks at him, gazing at him like he created the moon. Cradling his face with her tiny hand and pressing her lips to his cheek, a smile erupted across his face. Maybe one day.

“Come back to earth, honey,” followed by a few snaps, pull me out of my own world. 

“I’m sorry, Linda,” I laugh, “I’m happy to see you here.” 

Linda Graves, a sweet older lady, will quickly become one of our regulars. She runs a stand at our local farmer’s market and quickly became buddies with Sam. Her husband had recently passed when he first met her, but she was slowly making her way back out into the world. She’s an eccentric girl and, honestly, reminds me of Josh often. 

“Where’s the big guy?” she asks, making her bright red glasses bounce up and down suggestively. 

“You know he has a name–”

“I’m trying to play hard to get Jake. You’re supposed to be my wingman,” she whispers, gently smacking my arm,  “Did I use that right?”

Throwing my head back with a laugh, I said, “Oh god, you’re right!” 

Gesturing to Linda to give me one second, I find the man of her dreams, who is conveniently walking out of the bathroom as I turn into the hall. 

“I have a lovely little lady who would like to see you,” choking back the laugh. 

“Is it who I think it is?” Daniel asks, following me towards the bar, “Ahhh– there she is.”

He’s a good sport about most things, which is a refreshing outlook to have around, considering who my family is. 

“Hi there, beautiful,” he starts, and I watch her melt into a puddle over him. 

“Now, Lin, you know I’m gonna have to check your ID if you want to drink tonight.” He tells her with a little wink. 

“Oh, Danny. You make me feel so young,” Linda tells him. 

“What do you mean, sweetheart? You ARE young,”

“You cut it out now,” She giggles like a schoolgirl, “I look like a bag of bones. I think we both know I’m old.”

“You don’t look a day over 21.” He leans forward, holding himself on the bar. He knows exactly what he’s doing, making his arm muscles flex a little while he listens to her talk. I watch Linda taking little glances at his biceps while he talks. 

I see the towel he has sitting over his shoulder starting to slip, and I lean forward to catch it as it falls. Tossing it back over his shoulder, he gives me a slight nod since he is mid-sentence. 

“Good save,” Linda quips. 

“Thank you, thank you,” I send her a warm smile. 

I turn around immediately, bumping into Josh, his teeth on full display, giggling to himself. I haven’t seen him this happy in a while. 

“Having fun?” I ask. 

“Of course! I’m drunk!”

“I- uh- you’re what?” The panic lacing my voice is intense. 

“Jake,” he says while grabbing my shoulders, “I’m kidding.” 

Dropping my head back in relief that it was a joke, I’m disappointed I fell for it. 

“What a little shit you are,” I can’t help the laugh that escapes me.

“Who are you calling little? I’m five minutes older than you, bub.” He calls back over the music. 

I roll my eyes and walk off. He’ll never let that die. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Excuse me.” 

I turn around to find a petite older lady sitting at the bar.

“Oh, I’m sorry, how are you this evening?” I ask. 

“Well, it’s much better now,” she batted her eyelashes at me. 

“I’m so happy to hear,” I hold in a laugh, “What can I get you to drink?”

“Do you have any Moscato or Rieslings? 

I smile as she asks, “Of course I do. Hang on” 

Turning around to the fridge where we store our white wine, I giggle quietly. 

Looks like I’ve gained my own Linda.  

I grab a glass and turn back to her, setting the glass in front of her. 

“I don’t know if you know this..” I pause, “I’m sorry, I never got your name?” 

“Eleanor”

“Well, Eleanor, I save this specific bottle of Moscato for only the sweetest of girls,” I tell her as I pour the chilled wine into her glass. 

“Oh, you stop,” She bashfully waves her hand toward me. 

I glance at her with a smirk cemented across my face.

“Here you go, darling,” I slide the glass across the bar to her.

I give her a second to take a sip, and I can hear the quiet hum telling me that the wine is what she was hoping for. 

“Actually,” I start, “I’d like to introduce you to someone. I think you would get along a little too well.” 

I look over to Linda, who has taken a break from flirting with Daniel for a moment so he can get some work done. Waving her over, she grabs her bag and downs the rest of her drink before walking around to Miss Eleanor and me. 

“Linda, this is Eleanor.” I introduce them and watch as they start to make small talk. 

I found out that they both are into crafting and that Eleanor has been known to make the vases for the Flower Truck that goes to the Farmer’s Market.  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Where are my boys?” Mom asks loudly. 

Somehow, we all heard her over the chatter of the bar. Sam was already closest to her, so he wrapped her up in a hug first. 

“I’m getting too old to be out this late, Buttercup,” she tells him.

“Ma, it’s only 10 PM,”

“I know, I know,” she says, patting his chest gently. 

Reaching out for Josh, who’s coming in hot for a hug. Wrapping her tightly and rocking her back and forth. 

“I love you,” Josh spoke with an inside voice. Something about our mom brought him down to earth. 

“Oh, I love you so much, Sunshine,” Mom leans back, holding him at arm’s length, “You did a fantastic job decorating.” 

“Thank you, Mama,” he mumbles, pulling her back for another hug. 

“Alright, where’s my extra son?” She looks around for a moment before making eye contact with Daniel. She waves him down, watching the smile creep onto his face as he approaches her. 

“Oh, my sweet little dumpling,” She has always had a soft spot for him, “I would never leave without a big hug from you.” She pulls him into a bear hug, rubbing his back a few times. 

“Missed you so much,” He can’t help the giggle that comes from him at the pet name he gained as a child. 

I stand there watching my brothers both say goodbye to our Dad, giving him quick hugs per usual. Dad was never one for the emotional situations, but he’s loosened up over the years. Looking over at me, he gestures for me to go to him. 

“I know we’ll see you guys in the morning,” he starts, looking down at the floor with his hands tucked in his pockets, “But I just want you to know. I really am proud of you, kid.” 

He looks back up at me, and his eyes look like they’re struggling to fight the emotion. 

“Thank you,” Without a second thought, I wrap my arms around him. 

He pats my back a few times before pulling away from the hug, “I can tell how much this place means to you, and I’m just so happy for you.” 

He points behind me, letting out a small laugh. 

I can hardly turn around before being bombarded by my mother. 

“I’m glad you made it for the opening night,” I whisper. 

“Sweetheart, I wouldn’t miss this,” She whispers back, pressing a few kisses to my cheek, “Can’t tell you enough how proud I am,” 

I place a kiss on the side of her head, “I love you, Mum.”

I let Sam walk our parents out, returning to my place behind the bar. Happily watching Josh mingle with customers, it’s nice to see him existing in an environment that suits him. He just beams when he gets to be social and himself; Josh is much too loud and animated for his current job, and he needs something like this. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“We’ll be back for sure!” rings through the bar as the last patrons walk out. 

Pulling the doors shut and locking us in, I spin on my heels to face Josh, Sam, and Daniel. We all just stare at each other for a few seconds, even though it feels longer, and we cannot contain the laughter of disbelief. We did it… I did it. 

Josh quickly closes the distance between us, pulling me into a hug. Being twins has created a very different bond; he’s my best friend. I don’t think I would have had the courage to purchase the bar if it hadn’t been for him in my ear reminding me that I could do it. 

“I just want you to know that,” Josh starts, “I’m so proud of you, and I will always be here to help you, even if you don’t want to ask for it,” his voice shakes slightly. 

“Thanks, bub. I love you,” squeezing Josh one more time. I hope he knows I’m always ready to do the same for him. 

“I think this calls for celebration, don’t you?” Daniel asks, walking over to us holding beers. 

“Cheers!” I holler, raising my beer for everyone to join. We all share a well-deserved celebratory moment after the last six months. 

I grab a towel from behind the bar, walking back to one of the tables where Sam collects cans and glasses.

“Isn’t this what Dad used to play all the time in the car?” Sam asks while I’m wiping down the table. I listen a little more closely, realizing it’s absolutely one of our dad’s favorite songs. 

“I was a little too tall, could’ve used a few pounds,” 

We sing along as it plays, laughing hard as I whip Sam with the towel. He flips me off before walking away with a few glasses in his other hand. 

We all slowly cleaned and serenaded each other, which made us giggle like a bunch of little kids. 

“Workin’ on our night moves,” 

Josh sings dramatically, holding his half-drunk beer like a microphone. 

“Mmmm, in the sweet summertime”

This time, he leaned over to me so we could sing together, just like we used to as kids in the back seat. 

“We were just young, restless, and bored,” Daniel sings as he walks from the back room. 

Suddenly, the piano starts ringing through the bar, and we all find Sam playing along with the jukebox. I’ll let it slide since he was incredibly helpful today.

“And we'd steal away every chance we could

To the backroom, to the alley or the trusty woods.”

I finish gathering all the trash and tossing the bags near the back door. Josh still plugging away, cleaning all the glasses while serenading us all. 

“And I waited on the thunder,”  I sing, turning to point at Josh, knowing that he will absolutely know what to do next. 

As expected, Josh belts out the line, “Waited on the thunder.” he always had a way of making the entire room laugh. 

“When you just don't seem to have as much to lose.”

I prop open the back door to bring the trash out. A robust and crisp breeze envelopes me. It smells like it could snow.

“Strange how the night moves

With autumn closin' in” 

I take a deep breath. The cold air is refreshing after a long night. After tossing the trash, I walk back inside to the sound of hysterical laughter. The three of them bent over in a fit of giggles as they all yelled the backing vocals. 

“(Night moves) I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember.” 

In the moment, I think to myself, If you can’t beat em, join em. I drape my arm over Josh’s shoulders as I shout with them. Giving him a double pat on his chest as we all laugh together. 

“Alright, boys, let’s go home,” I tell them in my finest English accent. 

I make my way over to the door, holding it open for them to file through. I took one last glance over to make sure we took care of everything.

“I remember, I remember,” I sing under my breath, flipping the lights off.

Caravel Tavern Master Post | Masterlist | Taglist

Sparrow Of The Dawn Chapter One

Book 1 of the series; Sam x Willa (Fem OC)

Taglist:

@gvfsstardust, @peaceloveunitygvf, @myleftsock,@imleavingyoufornewyork,@threadofstars,@mindastreamofcolours,@dont-go-home-without-me,@literal-dead-leaf,@lizzys-sunflower,@ourlovesdesire,@mackalah,@klarxtr, @edgingthedarkness, @i-love-gvf

[shaarlslec]

The “I can see that you are lonely, and I don’t know how to fix that.” Prompt with Charles pls

don't tell me to write charles only if you want long-ass drabbles, i cannot help myself; thank you so much for your request, let me know if you liked it; prompt list and masterlist here;

safety nets

short summary: in which you break-up with your boyfriend and charles tries to help in the aftermath;

words: 5658 & warnings: angst, depression, alcohol, arguing with charles;

The last couple of months have not treated you great – not even a bit, not even at all.

You broke up with your boyfriend of three years at the beginning of the year and tried to cope with living alone ever since in the apartment you two once shared for most of your relationship as you took the risky decision of moving in together three months into your relationship claiming that you were nothing but madly in love with the dude.

Wrong, you were so wrong. “In love” was not exactly what you were back then, infatuated with the hopes of what is about to come in an unrealistic scenario that you played in the back of your head, yes.

And yet, who does not have a screwed-up story about a relationship up the age of twenty-five?

Moving too fast together and thinking that you were the one to change the man’s toxic behaviors was yours. Now, you had to cope with your learnings that people do not change just because you put in the efforts to help them to do so, and that being madly infatuated with the idea of love was not as great as it has first seemed to you. 

Moving back with your parents was not one of the options afterwards, as you were trying for the last five years to show them that you can be your independent little self without having to depend on their wealth and connections.

After the break-up you have tried to switch the narrative and to focus on your work instead of malicious habits, but working non-stop in the sales world in such a place as Monaco took a tool on you fast, and without you even noticing that all you were doing were meeting after meetings after meetings with pretentious customers that wanted the best real-estate assets with little money just to keep their names well-known and well-renowned, your mental state became heavily affected by the higher ambitions you had and all the pressure on your shoulders.  

In between trying to make a name for yourself in the industry, keeping your mental and physical state in check as tight as you managed, being as out-going as you were once when your boyfriend played music in the clubs you two enjoyed spending countless nights at, you slowly yet surely lost your spark as the bubbly-loving-warm daughter, friend and lover that everyone around you knew and admired for her free-spirited personality.

Your laughs were all faked, your giggles barely heard within your group of friends, and your enthusiasm for life taken away by the fact that you found yourself in a place you were not yet so familiar with – utter and complete loneliness. 

“I am fine, guys.” You nervously lied once one of your friends popped the question that you had heard all year being addressed to you, brushing the soft air of autumn with one of your hands that held a cigarette in between your fingers as you were taking a break outside the club during one of your “drinking until I pass out” weekends. 

Those happened a lot lately as your newfound mechanism of coping after months of pretending to be fine in front of everyone, considering that alcohol at least made you funny to be around people – trying to get back at least one thing about you that you loved.  

“You are sure, Y/N?” They continued, showing you the same worried eyes that you got from everybody lately and that you despised from without your soul, “Take it easy with the drinks, we barely arrived here.” They emphasized, pointing to the half-empty gin and tonic that you held in your other already shaky hand. 

Oh, fuck off and let me be, you would have wanted to shout straight into their worried little blurred faces. 

You were fine, completely fine. That was what you kept telling yourself not to go insane every single time when you watched the mirror and saw a completely far different person that the one you were during the same period last year when two shots would have been enough for you to get you tipsy and ready for bed in the arms of a man you thought was loving you back as much as you loved him.

Instead of letting your outrage shine bright, you just laughed it off with a silly huff as you threw the cigarette’s butt in the ashtray with a loud hit, “Come on, let’s go back in.” You added, already on your way to the door and down to the bar to get you another gin and tonic. 

Your friends stood perplexed for a short while behind you, watching you getting through the crowd of people drunkenly so on your already stumbled feet, “Charles is back for good in three weeks, he will know what to do with that. That is if they met.” One of them told to the group in a soft tone, grabbing one of your shoulders not to accidentally spill your drink on one random stranger that was questionably looking at you, “Let’s get her home for now, I will let Charles know that the situation has not improved since the last time he asked about Y/N, Charles will not be happy about it.” They uttered to each other in mumbles for the words not to reach your ears, pulling you closer to the group amid your loud rejections of not wanting to go home so early in the night. 

Your friends meant well – they really did, letting aside the critiques of your new-found drinking improved game. Besides your parents that you visited once or twice every other month since your break-up, they were your safety net in the absence of Charles.

No one was able to save you from your own personal hell that you have created, and no one was willing to go through the pits of that hell as much as Charles has done in the beginning of all that was happening with you, even though the man was not obliged to do so.

And yet, being your closest friend that knew you the best amongst the bunch – Charles took that duty upon himself and was not going to give up that easily no matter how much you resisted him. Your own personal safety net, always there to catch you.

That was what Charles has been to you since a long time ago, and what you liked to think you were for Charles too. Not just friends like you were all friends within the same group, but something much more than that. You knew him since you were children, your parents living nearby and always organizing brunches together and some other pretentious neighborhood events such as shiny parties, charities and all that jazz that all adults around you liked to attend to keep their network busy and growing while you were playing hide-and-seek with the Leclerc brothers. 

At some point during high school years after your last serious hide-and-seek game, the parties had stopped and yet you and Charles were already tightly bonded for your meetings outside your houses to stop. You watched yourselves grow together being that much of a constant presence into the other’s life. Even when Charles got severe about the whole racing thing, and he was gone most of the times away from home, weekly calls were still on the table, and attending his races became a tradition as well as him attending most of your important life events such as graduation from college, getting your first pay-check, and getting your heart broken for the very first time – although Charles would have preferred to not be a witness to all the pain it caused you, troubling your mind in such a way that you even fought with Charles due to that. 

Right after Charles found out that your boyfriend moved for good from your apartment, the man tried anything within his efforts to keep your mind busy with anything else but not the break-up. Charles was rarely home still as the season begun, but every single time he came back even for two or three days, Charles went out of his ways to plan something for you two to do with or without your other friends.

Movies, plays, camping, road-trips, finishing, laser-tag, dinners, breakfasts – Charles done everything for you to light up a little and to not feel empty and alone all the time. For most of the times, Charles succeeded at first. At least, that was what your best friend thought.

You were faking your smiles in front of Charles to as you did with many of the people back then, trying to enjoy the time you knew your friend planned just for the sake of his own good rather than yours – upsetting Charles was the last thing you wanted to do, yet another person about whom you cared and loved deeply pushed by your behavior was the last thing you intended. You went to whatever Charles booked you tickets for and attended all the mentioned above goings, trying not to upset Charles by not appreciating the man’s efforts, wanting to keep him close. 

That was until the boiling point.

You needed time to get over what was happening and to clear your head on your own pace, and although being around Charles managed to ease the pain – you wanted nothing else right after the break-up rather than to be alone in a caged mind full of what you could have done differently, while Charles’ intentions were to break you completely out of that. 

“You know what you are to Y/N, Charles?” One of your friends was brave and drunk enough once to ask him as they noticed the Monegasque glaring at you across the campfire during one of the times in which Charles booked an entire cabin somewhere far away from the city to get you spending time with your closest friends instead of locking yourself in your apartment as you often did when Charles was away racing, hopping that you will show up at one of his races this season – always having a pass ready for you.  

Without taking his eyes out of you, Charles huffed a short “What exactly?”

“The boyfriend without the rewards.” They spoke, clicking yet another glass of liquor with Charles who now turned to look at his friend with an ironic side-eye, “Don’t look at me like that, man.” They loudly panted back before placing their lips on the edges of the glass and then pulled Charles close to him by one of his shoulders so they can make sure that you and your other friends next to them gathered around the fire were not hearing what it was spoken, “Everyone here knows that it is true – even you two.” They added with a short sigh and an arched eyebrow that questioned Charles on what he was going to do about that.  

“Oh, shut up, asshole.” Charles commented while visibly rolling his eyes even in the dim light of the windy spring summer you were having aside of the cabin, “She just broke up with that dick of a boyfriend of hers, and you are out here talking about boyfriend rewards to me.” He then added, glare now on the one mocking him at his side rather than at you who were attentive enough at the orange sparks that light up the air rather than at the conversation across from them, “I know her since we were like ten – I cannot just stand by and watch her close herself. I am her friend, friends help each other.” Charles added with a loud sigh, knowing that has happened before in the past and knowing how hard it for you was to open again after feeling blue for larger periods of time, “I do not want any rewards.” Charles then stated, drinking part of the liquor in his glass as well before standing up to find a better seat rather than one in which he was questioned regarding his feelings for you. 

Charles’ defensive mode that was just activated by your common friends’ statement was not random. He has been in love with you for years, long before you met your ex-boyfriend, and long before Charles had even realized that is how love was supposed to feel like. That aching yet calming throb of his chest when you glanced at him, and that twist in his stomach when you smiled into his direction. Charles felt them all, and yet there was never the right or enough time to confess them to you.

Racing has always been a priority for Charles to which he fully dedicated first and putting all his other feelings rather than the thirst for winning second, thinking that you will always be there next to him and that maybe, just maybe, you will be the one to make the first step when the right moment will come. Charles thought that you and he had enough time, and when you first told him about that little crush of yours three years ago, that was when he figured out that the assumptions was wrong – you were not willing enough to wait for him until he decides what to prioritize best. 

Fast-forward three years and a couple of weeks later you were standing next to Charles still, but with a broken heart and with the idea that no one, not even him, will have access to your soul ever again. Charles went behind you, placing one of his hands on your right shoulder to tightly squeeze you, announcing that it was him behind to guard you from the wind and no one else – as you were not allowing any man to touch you since your break-up.

You looked up to him as your fingers pressed against Charles’ on your shoulder, “What?” You had asked, watching Charles’ eyes reflect the orange sparks of the fire as he was looking down at you with somewhat of a poignant smile and yet with warmness within the irises of the man’s eyes, “Has anything happened?” 

Charles declined with a nod and then scooped in the chair next to you that was now emptied by one of your friends leaving, everyone knew that the one who could talk you out of your mood was Charles, “Just wanted to check on you.” He then smiled, taking both of your hands to warm in between his own.

Your heart sunk seeing how Charles blew hot air on them to make sure that you were all comfortable, and then it ached again when your friend refused to let them go back into your lap as Charles guarded them with his. You would have wished for him to do that sooner, three years and a couple of weeks sooner to be exact.

As complicated as Charles’ feelings were for you, so were yours.

You were in love with Charles too, or to be more specific you had been in love with him too in the past when you were able to feel something, anything at all. And yet, Charles was never home – not like you would have craved him to be. 

You were not to blame him for that, you were very much very aware of how important racing was for him and you had done nothing but support him through all of it. Still, you would have secretly wished for him to carry a type of lifestyle that selfishly permitted you too to be more than just friends. You were way too needy in the beginning of your twenties and trying to make a move with someone who was barely home was none of your options.

You were in this constant need of attention, need that was fully satisfied by dicks who were from there and who were more than willing to spend every single minute of their day with you having no other things to do rather than drive you completely and utterly crazy over meaningless stupidest things. 

Now that you had lived that kind of a burning love where all you did was fight and make-up, you were mentally kicking yourself in the joint for refusing a calm and soft love that you knew Charles has been always capable of giving you. You wanted that now, and yet you were not ready to open yourself again – not even in front of Charles.  

“I am fine Charles,” You muttered as you glared away from him, millions of thoughts of what could have been pricing your mind, “I am not a child, you don’t have to check on me every five other minutes.” You added with a short roll of eyes, also letting the sarcasm within your bitter tone to go through Charles’ ears. 

“Y/N, I know that you are not a child, and I am not trying to baby sit you I just –” Charles then spotted, your chair loudly being pushed back by you lifting from your seat as you snatched your hands from below Charles’ – that was the tenth time somebody asked you if you were fine that day alone. 

You needed a break, a break that Charles was not willing to give it to you, “I want to sleep Charles.” You breathed, “Can I please go to sleep?” You inquired looking at Charles getting up too, “You don’t have to walk me, I am telling you for the second time – I am fine.” You sharply demanded with a nervous chuckle, and yet it was already too late to play pretend in front of Charles who had figured all your fake laughs and giggles.  

Charles’ already walking up in front of you giving you a glance over his shoulder, challenging you to move and follow him to the cabin meaning that you two had to have a talk alone in between closed doors, leaving your other friends behind to watch the fire still burning up to the sky. 

You huffed as the door to your room closed behind Charles, “Look, Charles – I love you,” You paused, both of your hands resting on the man’s chest as you were looking up at him, “I appreciate all the things you are doing for me, and all the things that you had done for me – I just need space and time for my own stuff now, that’s all.” You softly added, departing inches away from him only for your back to be blocked by one of Charles’ palms that sustained your body close to him. 

“I love you too, Y/N.” He then spoke, “And that’s exactly why I cannot let you out of my sight for now.” Charles muttered with a heavy chest, “I know what you do to yourself once I am gone, they told me everything – the bars, the guys, the alcohol, the loads of work.” He added, voice shaking while his eyes were fixed on you, “You will break at some point, I know you will – you have done it before, and I cannot watch you do it again.” Charles continued, feeling your back tensing beneath the man’s touch, “I can see that you are lonely, and I don’t know how to fix that.” Charles then almost sobbed, eyes softened in a nostalgic type of a sadness that you have seen him looking at you with before. 

You took a deep breath in, glancing away from the man who had eyes only for you. You took two steps back, forcing him to release you from the embrace. Taking your head in both of your hands, you ruffled your hair in nervousness as you spoke, “Why do you always think that you have to fix everything?” You answered back, “Am I that bad that I need to get fixed?” You inquired as you took as many steps as they were needed from Charles not to resist the urge of jumping straight into the man’s arms no matter how much you would have wanted for that mere touch to fix everything for you, “I am not some sort of a patient that you need to find remedies for Charles, and I have never asked you to do so in the first place.” You busted out with your voice cracking, “You don’t see how fucked up that is?” You inquired, tears slowly streaming down to your cheeks now. 

Charles took two steps ahead, and you took two steps behind you, “I am here to help Y/N, I am not trying to get you fixed or to be a prescription to you. I cannot—” 

“That’s the thing Charles.” You interrupted in between the sobs, “You are barely here.” You mumbled glancing once into the man’s direction, “You are away for most of the time, and I cannot just ask you to take care of me two days once in a blue moon when you are back home – that is not healthy for either of us.” You commented after a loud sigh, your cheeks burning and being washed by your fingers helplessly trying to wipe away the tears, “I need you to stop.” You ended, your fingers touching the edges of the widow’s sill for better stability unless you were about to break down completely. 

Heart shattered – right there. Charles’ heart in million pieces. You were slipping in between his fingers again. There were many things that Charles could kept his promise for when it came to you, being there for you all the time was one of the things that he was not able to pledge to you and that caused him another type of hurt. You not being alright was something, you two not being alright was something else – something that cut deep, and something that he did not know how to mend for the better in that very moment, no matter how fast he was searching for the answers in the back of his mind. 

“Don’t you talk to me about what’s healthy and what’s not.” Charles fought back, resting now his right shoulder on one of the room’s walls, “When you are the one who is using all the unhealthy ways of coping after breaking up with a fucking sore loser and rejecting all of the help from anyone who truly do love you back.” Charles uttered and there was a type of spite in the man’s tone and use of voice that you had never encountered before coming from him, “I will let you sleep.” Charles then spoke, watching you shockingly staring at him back, “We will talk about this tomorrow.” He then nodded, putting an even greater distance in between your bodies by completely leaving the room and silently shut the door behind him, leaning on the other side for a minute holding his breath at the top of his lungs before a long release of a sigh, maybe you were right and what you needed was space and time, Charles thought then. 

Tomorrow’s talk never came as Charles got a call the first thing in the morning being announced that he had to switch for an earlier flight to Italy where he had to get ready for the Imola GP and you returned in the city with your other friends after yet another day when you spoke nothing but replayed the words of yesterday’s little clench. Pushing Charles away from you was the last thing that you wanted to do, but that was the right call in the moment – he had to focus on his races, while you had to focus on getting out of the vicious circle that you caught yourself into. After all, it was not Charles’ duty to get you out of trouble – you needed to fix that yourself. 

You thought about apologizing days after you returned to the apartment after you watched Imola’s race, and yet Charles was not picking the phone after what had happened there for him and the team. As much as Charles knew you the best, you knew him too. Watching him spinning and losing points will cause him to not want to talk about right away with you or anyone else, and that gave you part of the same treatment you gave to Charles in the last couple of weeks. 

You thought that will pass, and that Charles will undoubtedly so phone you when he calms down, and when everything goes back to the normal flow of things. And yet, from then on nothing was considered a normal flow of things for Charles. You texted from time to time, but neither of you were ready for a phone call or to meet in flash and bones, you both needed space and time to deal with your own personal things on your own instead of searching for your safety nets. 

Time passed in this matter, and as much as you would have loved to not grow cold with Charles as much as you did with everyone else around you – it happened. Life got busy for the both of you, and days have passed without texts, calls or seeing each other. It was for the very first time in years when you two took a break from your friendship, and maybe that was exactly what was needed. 

You found excuses not to see him when he was back in town, and you even booked a whole entire holiday away from Monaco during his summer break to clean your head from all the working that you have done since the last time you saw him. You were deliberately avoiding Charles, knowing that you two meeting in those fragile states of yours will only do both of you worse than good. And yet, you knew that you cannot avoid Charles for the rest of your lifetime, and neither of you wanted that to happen. 

After the season ended, Charles was home for good for a couple of months that were enough to get his mind off a hell of a season that was, and that was when he found out that you were still out there having not-so-much a lovely time being alone just as you wished back after your break-up. Charles was not the type to give up, especially on you. You were given the space and time you needed from him, and now he was back to take what was his. That is when Charles ambushed you during one of the weekends when you decided to paint the town red with your friends, tagging along too without letting you or anyone know that he will be there. 

Your eyes widened in surprise as you spotted him on the dance floor having the time of his life with a couple of girls, all of them wanting to impress him in all ways known: dancing, flirting, touching. 

“Look who’s back.” One friend spoke, elbowing you as they were already ahead of you to greet Charles and join the group of girls. 

“And in what a fashion.” The other friend laughed, giving you a glance over your shoulder as they joined too, Charles’ arms spread widely to welcome them in a hug. 

“Oh fuck.” You muttered underneath your short breath, Charles’ eyes catching yours in an instant as the man’s attention was switched from the girls to his friends, and then to you – completely and utterly looking astonishing in your little black dress. 

Charles came to you moments after as you stood there perplexed watching him approaching you. Your heart raced, and there was no point in trying to escape the man’s glare on you as he was passing through the crowed with two beers into his hands already to hand you one as a greet. 

“You look great.” Charles spoke, opening one of the beers for you as he took a quick look at you from head to toes. 

“Thanks.” You muttered, taking the beer from his hand to make it your first drink of the night, “You look drunk.” You commented, watching the man’s already ruffled hair and white unbuttoned shirt that you guessed it was not his doing but one of the girls he was dancing with earlier.

Charles’ eyes rolled in annoyance, “Oh come on now Y/N, don’t critique me on this matter – I have heard that you had loads of fun without me here.” He added, bottle on his lips now as he was head bumping on the played song’s rhythm that blasted your ears, “Have fun with me too, come on.” Charles spoke, grabbing you by one of your wrists so you could join the middle of the group too. 

You shortly sighed, and yet you knew that Charles was right. You were in no right or position to tell him to stop drinking, you were the one who has been indulging in this type of behavior for the last couple of weekends. One single beer was enough for you that night to stop as your eyes were curiously searching for Charles each time that your friend left the group to go and fetch another drink for himself. 

Charles was not the type to drink, and you knew this based on all the previous encounters you two had at a party or in a club, or even during casual dinners. Your friend was not the type to hold his alcohol, and Charles stumbling on his feet with one arm around a random girl’s neck while looking at you with lazy sleepy eyes and the start of a hiccup confirmed you once again what you had already known. 

“It was such a fuckery – this season.” Charles drunkenly shouted when you were back to your booth surrounded by only your friends now and no random girls, “I want to forget all about that. So, cheers to that.” He then nodded before taking yet another shot down his throat, being accompanied by all your friends but you, “What’s going on Y/N, not in the mood for drinking tonight?” Charles teased with both eyebrows up and a sly grin, “Everybody in here told me that you are a big fan of it now.” 

You leaned back into your chair with your arms crossed at your chest as you were eyeing him, “Someone has to be sober enough to take you home, Charles.” You replied, giving a sharp look afterwards to all your friends present at the table for spilling the beans to Charles about your recent behavior. 

Charles laughed at your words, “So thoughtful of you, Y/N.” He then replied, chin rested on one of his palms now as he was looking at you with a slight tilt head, “Taking care of me, when you were the one to tell me to stop when I was trying to do the same.” He bittersweetly continued, cueing all your friends that it was time for them to leave you two alone at the booth – everyone knew that you had things to talk about, and none of you wanted to be in the middle of your fight. 

“Charles I—” You began, but your words being cut short right away by one of his fingers waving “no” in the air in front of you after you two were left alone, everyone else suddenly wanting to dance again. 

“Don’t “Charles” me with those eyes of yours, Y/N.” Your friend spoke next to you now as he switched seats so you could hear him better, “I have been nothing but a good friend to you, and all you did was pushing me away when you needed me the most.” Charles helplessly breathed, “And then again, when I needed you the most.” He then added, head resting on your shoulder as Charles’ eyes closed in the comfort of your body being again so close with his, “I have missed you.” 

You closed your eyes too, one of your hands catching his into yours to squeeze it tightly as a sign of even more comfort, “I have missed you too, Charles.” You added after a short breath which Charles’ felt on his forehead, sending shivers down the man’s spine in an instant, “Let’s get you home, and we will talk all about it somewhere where we can actually hear the words.” You chuckled, cupping the man’s face into your hands for him to be attentive at you inches away from your face, “Let’s get it fixed together.” You added, getting the man’s hair out of his eyes with a short brush of fingers, “Whatever we both have to fix.” You laughed, thinking about the many things that has been going sideways in both of your lives lately and the methods in which you could help each other to mend them. 

Charles nodded, but not before placing a short peak on the top of your lips as you two were too close for him not to resist the urge to do so as the man struggled to contest the need of your lips on him too many times in the past. You were taken aback by his sudden move, and yet so deeply happy that he was the one to make the first step.

"I don't want to be the boyfriend without the rewards anymore, Y/N." Charles muttered as you were confused by the words not making any sense to you, "I want all the rewards, love." Charles then mumbled, forehead glued on yours now, waiting for your lips to be back on his to confirm that indeed he will get all the rewards.

You chuckled, nuzzling your nose with him and putting yet another short peak on the man's lips, "You will get them all."

You took him out of the booth with one shoulder across your neck stabilizing the man’s unbalance due to the alcohol, guiding him in a cab and going home together that night with an understatement that everything was going to be alright for the both of you if you were together in this, accepting and returning the soft kisses, warm embraces, forehead kisses and strong clasps of hands.