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disco in my brain
#disco elysium#de skills#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#my magnum oppa style#rhetoric and logic are having a heated debate while encyclopedia moderates#endurance is trying to comfort pain threshold but blaims all his problems on wo men#(authority agrees)#perception is just describing things to hand/eye#empathy is trying to comfort half light but composure is judgemental#visual calculus is just talking to himself bc i didnt know how else to include it sorry vis#and i think the rest are self explanatory#but i may post individual/larger pics of them later
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141 x white reader recs? đđ»đđ»
Hi nonnie đ
I'm not going to lie, this ask bewildered me a bit! I wasn't sure if you were being serious or not since this fandom is basically 90% white. Going by those numbers I'd assume there's a plethora of white content for you to enjoy, love.
I can't imagine that an ask for recommendations of an demographic that isn't typically featured in reader inserts would stir you up so much. Right?
Regardless, I do truly love to talk about my favorite writers so here is a list of writers (in addition to the previously mentioned) whose work I absolutely adore.
In no particular order:
đ Early
Starting off strong with the individual that sucked me into this black hole of a fandom. I absolutely love Early's writing style and their focus on fat readers. I reread a ton of their works constantly! Currently The Space in Between is what I read at the gym when I'm doing my hot girl walk đ„°đ„° Ensnared me with this Current Fave: The Space In Between
đ PFHWrites
Following it up with the second cod blog I ever followed, give it up for P! I absolutely adore P's works and the thought that he puts into the creechurs đ (P patented term) in his works. Writes incredible pieces for transmasc!readers that I absolutely adore Ensnared me with: No clue actually! I just think of P as this entity that one day appeared on my tumblr dash and whose work I've been in love with for ages (tbh it was probably porn but...) Current Fave: Binders and Boyfriends
đ glossysoap
Glossy, my beloved Soap worshiper in arms đ Glossy has an incredible knack for writing that's amplified by her vibrant personality and how much she uplifts other writers in the community. I adore her to death and am so glad we have such a great writer like her in the fandom Ensnared me with: Bloody Shame (kyle fuckers rejoice) Current fave: Pushing Boundaries
đ kyletogaz
Our wonderful beautiful Jess đ„°đ Resident Kyle and F1 enthusiast I have suuuch a fun time reading Jess' works (even when she is emotionally destroying me ;-;) I have her post notifications on so I don't miss a single work :') Ensnared me with: Simon fixing your attitude Current fave: Sharing is Caring
đ swordsandholly
Holly's Cherry Bomb đ series has me by the goddamn neck right now! I am actively choking as I type this out because of how fucking good it is. Her depictions of Simon in 'Double Date - Double Down' solidified me as a fan from the beginning Ensnared me with: Double Date - Double Down Current fave: Cherry Bomb
đ stellewriites
Stelle's wonderful personality shines through so brightly that when I followed her I didn't even realize she wrote. When the cognizant part of my brain finally kicked in and I finally realized she was a writer I berated myself for not reading her work earlier. So happy that I stumbled upon her and her work đđ Ensnared me with: Amazing personality <3 Current fave: Choices Made in Anger
đ syoddeye
Sy is another writer who I just cannot remember how I came across them! Honestly, someone else probably reblogged one of their works and I fell in love with their writing style. Whoever it was I am immensely thankful. Sy makes works that are so marvelous my brain gets more wrinkly every time I read something of theirs ⣠Ensnared me with: It's a black box I'm so sorry Current fave: The Lift (this is lowkey my motivator before the gym)
đ dragonnarrative-writes
Dragon's works have got me foaming at the mouth. Another creator who I have no clue how their works came onto my timeline but all I know is that I am so thankful. Every one of their works is a treat akin to indulging in something ridiculously delicious. đ Ensnared me with: Autumn Embers Current fave: Autumn Embers (particularly Part 3A ;))
đ indigosunsetao3
Indigo was actually recommended to me under a post lamenting the lack of Alex Keller works! And boy am I glad she was because the way she writes about Alex Keller makes me rattle at the bars of my enclosure for this white man. Absolutely amazing content that I am so happy to have been told about her! đ Ensnared me with: Older CIA Alex Keller Current fave: Move In Day (Alex Keller fuckers rejoice)
I am missing so so so many incredibly writers who I adore as well but because of time constraints I didn't have time to include them. Honestly, I'll probably just keep adding this list and using it as a rec list!
This fandom has been blessed with so many folks who create marvelous pieces for readers across the spectrum. We're fortunate that writers have cultivated such an accepting space đ
#.kiko-talks#.usps#i know this was probably like a gag to try and get a reaction out of me but#i work in corporate so this is nothing to me#im very familiar with how melanin deficient individuals like to act amuck#that being said#i'm so happy to shout out other authors#fun drinking game idea: take a shot for every absolute or absolutely i had on this post#also anon ty for reinforcing the fact i cannot become a statistic <3#i hope that you have the day you deserve :)))
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency â Part One
For Xiantober Day One: Genius⊠albeit stretching the prompt so it refers to MXTX and MDZS itself, but at the end of the day itâs still about WWX â so no harm done!
(Part Two | Part Three | Full version on AO3)
The narrative is a very active player in MDZSâ story. How it presents information, what it chooses to show and omit, often reflects important facets of its themes and characters â Nie Huaisang, for instance, is so good at hiding behind his mask that not even the narrative can hold him accountable; the present dayâs storyline as a murder mystery and the slow reveal of information about the past both prompt the reader to think critically about the truth of events, when the importance of thinking critically is an important theme; and the dangers not thinking critically (and instead basing conclusions on rumours without much evidence) are shown by tricking unquestioning readers into the very same trap the cultivation world falls into, as the information given by the title, summary and in-universe rumours â which contradicts how we see actually Wei Wuxian act â turns out to be false.
But nowhere do I love this trait more than in its treatment of Wei Wuxian â and, more specifically, in its way of emphasising his agency. Weâre not just told how much his active choices define his character, and weâre not just shown this in-universe through his personality, worldview and the events he causes. Iâd argue that this aspect goes a step further, and shapes the structure of the out-of-universe narrative as well.
There are two main ways this happens: one, in how the aspects of Wei Wuxianâs life that are shown and hidden directly tell us whatâs important about his character (which is good writing but isnât necessarily tied to this shaping of the narrative), which is what weâll explore today; and two, how whatâs shown and hidden reflects what Wei Wuxian himself prefers to dwell on, resulting in the narrative respecting his own thoughts and feelings on matters (which very much is tied to it). Weâll explore this at a later date.
But as for now â letâs explore my favourite aspect of MDZS.
(Here, narrative agency will be considered the ability of a character to meaningfully influence their events and the story theyâre in.)
Tragedy, Circumstance, Choice
If we simply look at Wei Wuxianâs backstory in a vacuum, it seems almost typically tragic. His parents died in circumstances beyond his control, he was left alone as a child with nobody to care for him, he was forced to grow up fending for himself on the streets, he was faced with abuse when he finally was taken in⊠as with all typical woobies, everything simply happened to him, and none of it was good. Itâs just another example of the lack of agency being used for sympathy points, right?
âŠExcept thereâs one problem with that idea. We donât actually see any of this.
It wouldâve been easy to start the flashbacks during these times. Weâre telling the story of Wei Wuxian in (largely) chronological order, and these are likely important experiences for him! But instead of starting in his street days, or evenat the moment Jiang Fengmian took him in*, we start at the lectures in the Cloud Recesses. Thatâs not even something mentioned in, and therefore something thatâs able to disprove, the rumours at the start of the novel. So why is this the case?Â
Well, there are multiple reasons â the main one being that MDZS is also Lan Wangjiâs (and Wangxianâs) story, and having the flashbacks open with their first meeting is very satisfying. But I want to focus on something else.
This period doesnât have to be shown, because what happens to Wei Wuxian, especially out of his control, isnât whatâs important about his character.
Weâre not even at Lotus Pier here, where Wei Wuxian certainly has more agency than he wouldâve had as a young child, but where the harm caused by Madame Yu is still completely out of his control. Here, he has agency! Though there are consequences, he is free to act, and what happens to him is a result of those actions and not of circumstance. Yes, he gets punished more than others who also take those same actions (due to classism); yes, itâs not his choice to be picked on by Lan Qiren in class (yet look how he responds, twisting the situation to his advantage and ending up tricking Lan Qiren into letting him leave, which is what he wanted to do. He is not at all helpless here!); yes, these choices have been influenced by his learned mindset from Madame Yu that punishment is arbitrary and will happen anyway, so you may as well do what you want regardless. But there is cause-and-effect here. Itâs not circumstantial tragedy.
Therefore, instead of our first impression of past!Wei Wuxian being that of an unfortunate woobie, itâs of someone who has the freedom, ability and will to choose and act (and thatâs after these initial tragic events have taken place). This is compounded by the fact that before we see any of his backstory, we get a similar impression of him in the present day.
If the purpose of his tragic past was to earn him sympathy points, to make us pity him due to how much he was influenced by events out of his control, this wouldâve been a terrible way of going about it⊠and itâs this that betrays the true reason for its existence. Because now, the flashbacks instead show us how little these tragedies define who he is! From the very start, Wei Wuxian isnât someone defined by circumstances out of his control, but rather by who he is as a person and by what choices he makes in the present day (which is both a mindset in-universe, and a nice little out-of-universe detail that lines up! Because out-of-universe, this means heâs not defined by sympathy points from a backstory, but rather by his great character writing⊠aka, by who he is as a person and what choices he makes). And this refusal to be defined by tragedy is a conscious choice on his part, too â but weâll explore that more later.Â
The important thing is that this idea of Wei Wuxian isnât because of what exists in his past, itâs because of what parts of his past are shown to us (as well as what he chooses to do, with agency, in the present).Â
Now, if this relationship between whatâs displayed and whatâs omitted was just a one-time thing, I mightâve considered it a cool detail or a nice way to establish a character, but not something the narrative is actively focusing on. But itâs a pattern that continues throughout the flashbacks. What, arguably, are the two other most important times in Wei Wuxianâs life where he doesnât have enough agency to meaningfully influence his circumstances? His three months in the Burial Mounds (before escaping â he managed to assume some control of the circumstances but not enough to substantially reduce his suffering in his time there), and his loss and death during the First Siege. And weâre not shown either of them! We skip to when Wei Wuxian has emerged from the Burial Mounds and is torturing the Wens, or we skip to the present day â both times he has agency once more, because, again, what heâs like without it doesnât matter enough to be shown.Â
Furthermore, Iâd argue this does actually contrast the other tragic events we see in Wei Wuxianâs later life. Things do go horribly wrong, but itâs either due to choices he knows the consequences of (see: rescuing the Wen Remnants in the first place), or instances where he still has some ability to act in the situation and influence it within the limitations. If heâd had no ability to influence circumstances at Qiongqi path, he would have died in the ambush; if heâd been unable to do that at Nightless City, he wouldâve died then, too (of course Lan Wangji helped him escape as well). The attention drawn to him losing control of his actions in both instances is very interesting, but intentional or not, itâs still his actions influencing the plot. And that influence happens to be detrimental. The very ability to act and influence, at a base level, is not taken away (though, of course, that doesnât make these events any less tragic).
So, so far, the narrative seems to be telling us that the ability to act and choose is key to Wei Wuxianâs character. And itâs doing it through omitting his moments without agency in favour of instead showing us his moments with it.Â
Letâs see if this is echoed in the text itself before we go further â because even with this pattern, nothing would end up mattering if Wei Wuxianâs agency wasnât actually that important to the story itself. But thankfully it is, and that first impression we get of Wei Wuxian in the Cloud Recesses turns out to very much be accurate! Though there are defining circumstances out of his control that occur, such as the massacre of Lotus Pier, the majority of the important events of his life are due to his own choices. He didnât happen to be forced to cease traditional cultivation and solely use guidao, didnât happen to lose his Golden Core in a fight with Wen Zhuliu or due to some force in the Burial Mounds, it was his own choice to give it and his spiritual powers away. He didnât tragically happen to get targeted by the cultivation world, it was a result of him acting on his morals and protecting the Wen remnants (a choice which he was fully aware of the implications of). He isnât a protagonist to whom things simply occur, and that activeness and agency is my favourite thing about him.Â
Thatâs not to say that the times Wei Wuxian doesnât have agency, or feels like he doesnât have any, donât exist at all, either â but they are rare enough to have attention directly drawn to them in his internal narration:
Or else what could he do? He could do nothing. He was powerless. Lotus Pier had been destroyed, both Jiang FengMian and Madam Yu were gone, and Jiang Cheng had disappeared as well. He was the only one left, alone, with not even a sword in his hands. He didnât know anything, he couldnât do anything! For the first time, he discovered how little his power was. In front of something as large as the QishanWen Sect, it was the same as a mantis trying to stop a chariot. - Chapter 59, EXR translation
(And even in this circumstance, note that he still does force himself to act â to carry on searching for Jiang Cheng, to place his faith in Wen Ning â and does accomplish his goal (albeit with the help of others)! So even in dire situations, he isnât simply passive. This is actually also the case with his time in the Burial Mounds, almost certainly the First Siege, and even his days on the streets as well (Chapter 20: he did actively fight with dogs to get food despite their danger and his growing fear of them, rather than just waiting and hoping to somehow receive some more). He canât influence or immediately influence his circumstances, but that doesnât stop him from trying.)
Overall, although they do influence him, Wei Wuxian is very much who he is in spite of his circumstances, not because of them. Weâre shown the importance of his agency both in-universe by the major impacts his choices have on himself and the plot, as well as by narrative presentation â important periods where he lacks the ability to meaningfully influence anything are often mentioned but not directly shown, which suggests that such moments and circumstances arenât as important to understanding Wei Wuxianâs character as moments where he does have this agency are. And Iâd argue this works very well. Depending on the version of the story you consume, you may end up having different interpretations as to how much circumstances were at play nearer the end of his life â but nobody comes out of MDZS thinking about Wei Wuxian, the poor bearer of yet another generically tragic backstory.
(Part Two | Part Three | Full version on AO3)
â
*We are shown this moment in more detail in Chapter 23⊠but even then, itâs through the framing of Wei Wuxian remembering Jiang Yanliâs narration, not through a flashback proper or even him remembering the experience itself!
#there are three parts to this#part two dwelling on how wwx not dwelling on tragedy is a conscious choice#part three about how that choice and wwxâs preferences are ALSO behind whatâs shown and whatâs not#i originally wanted to post them all at once but life was very busy and they havenât been finished yet#and i wanted to release SOMETHING on this day (it is after midnight but i havenât slept yet and in a lot of timezones itâs not yet)#judging by the current length of it itâs probably better to be posting individual parts anywayâŠ#so here we go#a complete version will br put on ao3 when done#also because iâm not sure where to put it in the meta â iâm aware external circumstances did impact this too#eg mxtx not wanting to write power-up/transformation sequences influencing her not to write wwxâs time in the burial mounds#iâm also aware a lot of this could be writing efficiency and not the deeper meanings iâll (mostly later) assign to it#ultimately thereâs not enough evidence either way to say if this was intentional or not#(i donât doubt mxtx is an amazing writer but *i* feel iâm overanalysing while writing this which i do tend to do)#but even if it wasnât itâs still a part of the story#and it still remains one of the things i love it the most#so i WILL explore it (taking the approach of death of the author here â i do believe context is important but i just love this throughline-#-so much)#xiantober#xiantober day 1#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#wwx#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#ééç„ćž#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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height difference
#after school lessons for unripe apples#aslfua#aslfua fanart#kim cheol#hwang miae#webtoon fanart#fanart#the height difference is more than just a visual feature in this story#the way the author uses it to create sympathy for both these characters individually and as a unit is so interesting#ended up thinking about that a lot as i was drawing this#once again i wholeheartedly recommend this webtoon#the panelling and speech bubble placement takes some getting used to but it's worth it i promise
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if trc was a visual medium and I was a tiktoker i would go insane talking about quiet luxury and how Declan and Adam both fall into this position of people with OBJECTIVELY less money compared to their peers and how both of them are trying to replicate luxury (ie: clothing=persona/identity) to varying levels of success. adam wears old gifts from the ganseys and declan is very clearly called out by other characters to be overcompensating. neither are fully seamless and even though thats not an overt plot point it is DEFINITELY very significant since plenty of their story beats echo each other down to their relationship with ronan, who is a different fashion debate (eg. how punk can you get off of a bank account you dont need to look at and a shaved head which needs to be constantly maintained and a BMW you stole w no repurcussion). again I DO think stief implies fascinating plot points that she doesn't focus on but her display of class and economic variation is very very cool & obviously people w more context of specific USAmerican culture can have this debate better than I can
editing to link the video that finally helped me put this thought into words
#since we don't have a visual representation yet & i refuse to acknowledge stief's art I'm just gonna mention some hcs#i think all of us are pretty set on what gansey looks/wears#my interest comes from declan. i dont believe his suits are made to fit. theyre tailored MAYBE but not made for him#and visually putting him in these political spaces where the suit has such value is. Gahhh#[gestures vaguely at succession] look how they did it!!#this gorg author i saw said that the working class cant attain quiet luxury bc we dont have the Breeding for it#and declan exists as a first generation very new money individual as compared to gansey or even henry#(on that note gansey and henry have different kinds of wealth but frankly i believe there IS a millions/billions differential there)#but again. not enough information to yap#but. Very cool#trc
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youtube
For anyone interested, a podcast in which Josh Reynolds talks about The End Times and his time working for Black Library. Fairly good insight into the general fustercluck that is GW on a good day.
#I invite anyone who tries to pin the blame for the End Times on individual authors to blow me#That includes the Lorebeards podcast and their utter lack of objectivity#Warhammer Fantasy#Warhammer 40k#Warhammer 40000#Black Library#Youtube
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Having story thoughts about the fourth wall:
It defines the difference between allegory and applicability. An allegorical story leans on our world to find its full meaning. Ideas, characters, settings, all symbolize something else that's in our world, thus obliterating the fourth wall and bringing the two worlds together. This can be useful for a message-forward story, but it has the side effect of making the world and characters seem less real, because it's not a place with its own independent existence--it relies on our world.
In an applicable story, the fourth wall is firmly in place. The character is a character. The setting is its own setting. They have an independent existence within their own little world. We can draw parallels to our world, but even without that meaning, the characters and setting still feel like they exist in a real, independent world.
An applicable story often has more impact and a stronger message, because the message comes out of the story and character, rather than being pulled from our world and pasted on top of the story.
As an example--I was thinking about this because I saw Ratatouille recently. In Remy's situation, there are a lot of parallels that can be drawn between his world and ours--an oppressed subculture, a life of poverty--but instead of trying to map that onto a specific real-world situation, they're still just rats, living in this weird version of Paris where sometimes the worldbuilding elements are just weird. The actual message of the movie is about art, which comes from character, not from the way the world is built. Compare this to something like Elemental, which started out as a way to explore real-world racism and the immigrant experience. Because the message is built into the world, commentators get distracted by the ways it doesn't map onto our world, and have a harder time connecting to the characters.
The fourth wall is also important to romance. The reason so much of the romance genre feels so fake and unreal is because it's so often concerned with the effect the story has on the reader--reaching through the fourth wall to give the reader things the reader finds romantic or arousing, regardless of anything that's specific to the characters or world of the book.
In a well-done romance, the fourth wall is firmly in place. The characters are not avatars for the reader and their romantic ideal, but people with their own independent existence and relationship. They live in a well-built world that has shaped both of their personalities and affects their relationships. The development of their romance is specific to these two people, and would exist independent of any audience reading about it. The story has more impact on the reader, because it's coming from outside our world and gives the reader unique characters to love, instead of just pulling the reader's desires out of our world and pasting them on top of the story.
#adventures in writing#allegory thoughts per ratatouille as indicated#romance thoughts once again from the q#because this author is so good at building these specific characters and their dynamic#making them products of their world and upbringing and showing how this shapes them as individuals and affects their relationship#like the final misunderstanding that tears them apart#it's not just a trope or a plot beat#it's 'his ideals conflict with her feelings'#his character forced him to make one choice and she had to deal with the fallout#if he'd done anything different he wouldn't have been the same character#but they have to decide if that's something they can work with or not#and it's so painful because these individuals are so well drawn and stuck in this situation that's specific to them
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cause i see the words on the page, read each word in my head, and simultaneously see it all play out like a movie inside my head, but im recently finding out that not everyone subvocalizes and it's tripping me up
#i know it's like a whole thing that subvocalizing means you read 'slower' but first of all reading slower isn't a bad thing#and second of all I've still read 109 books so far this year so it's obviously not a problem for me#also to be clear: im not at all looking for tips to do speed reading bc i don't care to do that so pls don't offer them#i love the way i read and im not looking to change it#it might be the writer in me but i really love reading every word individually and seeing how they knit together#and how the author decided to use them. i think it's beautiful#text post#okay to reblog
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One of my favorite things about world trigger is how natural and realistic the world building feels and while its obvious the mangaka puts a lot of thought into every aspect of it one of absolute favorite parts is how gossip-y everyone in border is. Like the only secrets at Border are the really really big ones (certain people being neighbors) and everything else is just free game, even if its not necessarily true.
Osamu tied Kazama in a fight? Immediately social headline news. Chika canât shoot people? Known before she even says it out loud to someone not from Tamakoma. Tamakoma-2 wants to make the away team? Such common knowledge it comes up in their commentary and is even a strategy used against them. Osamu tried to recruit Jin? Probably all any A-rankers talked about for a week. Ko was so good Arafune quit? Still talked about to this day. AND MORE
And its so great because a majority of the time the gossip isnât malicious its just a by-product of what happens when you put a bunch of 12-20 year olds in a workplace together like yes obviously people are going to talk and it works! It feels natural! No character even ends up feeling overly gossipy because everyone takes part in the gossip. And itâs amazing. Itâs wonderful. I love watching someone say something outloud and immediately realizing everyone in the base (including the actual career adults there) is going to know about it in a week. Its fun! It makes sense! It makes the world that much easier to insert yourself into!
World trigger i love u!!!!!!!!
#ahhhhhh so much fun#re reading the rank wars right now and grrrrr its so fun#theyre such a smart way to advance the story#AND THEYRE SO FUN AHHHHH#thinking abt how much i like hq and wt and wondering if maybe i just love mangas with huge casts#where u can tell that the author fs stays up at night thinking abt how every individual one lives through the world#thinking abt that one authors note in wt where someone asked the mangaka what do the characters do in their time off#and the response being âwatch logs train have conversations solo rank wars be happy get depressed see their friends think about their crushâ#and more like YES i kno u think abt ur characters all the time!!! i kno u have so much fun with them and love them!!!#wt i love u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#v.txt#world trigger
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Okay so in light of the current Ao3 donation drive, Iâm seeing posts going around about how awesome it is that Ao3 is like, the one site left that doesnât bombard you with ads and constantly try to sell you stuff. And Iâm on board, okay? Iâm 100% with you â Iâll defend and support that site till the day I die. Itâs awesome.
However, I find this hilarious because the amount of things Iâve purchased and/or tried for the first time PURELY BECAUSE of how they were referenced (or more accurately, intricately and lovingly described) in fanfiction is⊠embarrassingly extensive đ
(if youâve been inspired to purchase/try more than one of these things, then pick whichever one has stuck with you the most)
#for the record this is just for fun#I am well aware that there is a MASSIVE difference from the site itself advertising things#and individual authors lovingly describing lemon ice cream until you just HAVE TO buy it#I just want to see if Iâm alone in this experience of being led to purchase things and experiences from fanfiction or not#ao3#fanfiction#polls#fanfiction polls
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I think, in a lot of ways, Monika and Sayori are reflections of each other.
Really, I think all of the girls are similar in a lot of their issues (self-esteem, anxiety, etc) and that's something emphasized in a lot of the stories, and a big part of why they all gravitate towards each other and work to create the club as a safe space for all of them, but I think Monika and Sayori in particular are just very much alike.
I think Trust really emphasized this similarity in the reveal of Sayori's poem, Become the Flower.
Prior to shifting focus onto the poem, Monika talks to herself about her real vision for the Literature Club. I think here, Monika points out what Sayori actually meant when she said that Monika was "trying to make the club [she] needs the most, out of anyone", even if she doesn't actually realize that yet. It's pretty clear that when she says that literature is a window to the real self underneath the person who's "forced to always smile and blend in", and is "forced to be perfect", she's really talking about herself.
I think that a lot of Monika's character throughout Trust is expressed more subtly, often in a roundabout way like this. A huge part of the story is centered around Monika's own personal struggles expressing herself, and that trait is pretty well exemplified in this indirect way of talking about her own struggles. I think that the reason why Monika's characterization here is so subtle overall is reflective of this.
And I think it's pretty blatant that this is statement is also meant to be reflective of Sayori, given that we immediately move from this statement onto the poem which reveals to Monika that she's been hiding her own problems. In this way, I think Team Salvato wanted to explicitly point out how similar they really are, and draw your attention to it.
I think that the way that Trust as a story is put together is meant to really emphasize just how similar they are even in their differences; spending a great deal of time focusing on Monika's own problems, to then showcase Sayori as the mirror to them.
I think the two of them make a very interesting pair in that respect, because a big similarity they have is that they very much place others above themselves, so they both end up individually building each other up while they put themselves down. It creates this strange back and forth where they each insist they suck and the other is great, when the reality is that they're both pretty fantastic.
In the statement Monika made to herself about her vision of the club, while it's clear she's talking about herself, she frames it in the context of somebody else getting those benefits out of the Literature Club, rather than herself. Throughout the entirety of Trust, she speaks dismissively of her efforts and her problems alike, while pointing out that Sayori is providing a lot of help. Sayori by contrast spends most of her time hyping her up and points out, explicitly, that Monika doesn't give herself enough credit. She also dismisses her own efforts, pointing out in most things she does, up into the climax, that Monika is a lot better than her at whatever she's doing. And when Sayori's problems are actually revealed, she explicitly says that she doesn't want Monika to worry about her, and that she doesn't want to have this conversation.
I think this all really shows that both of them are averse to tackling their own problems head-on, and I think this comes out of a fear of being vulnerable, since that's directly mentioned several times in Monika's issues openly expressing herself.
I think what makes Monika's particular brand of self-negging quite so disheartening is that she dismisses it out of hand as her being silly and dramatic, and in that way, she doesn't actually address the fundamental problem underlying it, nor does she actually address the statements themselves as incorrect. The amount of time she spends talking down her own problems as something trivial and silly, particularly in comparison to Sayori's problems, are a manifestation of her own desire to avoid the vulnerability of even having these problems, and it's just...heartbreaking. Sayori's denial is its own can of worms, but Monika's ability to so consistently minimize her issues when they are clearly still impacting her is so uniquely troublesome.
I think a big difference between the two of them in that respect is that Monika wears significantly more of her heart on her sleeve, so Sayori finds it a lot easier to directly target Monika's problems than Monika does in the reverse, but their individual habits of avoidance are coming from the same place.
I'm traveling a bit aimlessly in this essay, trying to tie things together nicely as I see them, but there are just a lot of similarities I notice between their actions and the way they think that showcase that they have a lot of the same problems, and a huge theme in Trust is expressing oneself, which both Monika and Sayori struggle to do, in much the same way.
I think a key similarity between the two of them is their tendency to catastrophize over a situation when left alone, mostly revolving around seeing the worst possible scenario for how they could've personally messed up the situation. I'm just rewatching Trust for this little essay, so there are two major moments I see Monika doing this, but I remember Sayori doing this...a few times, actually, throughout the side stories.
I think the spiral Monika goes into after reading Become the Flower is particularly important, as it exemplifies the habit of dismissing her own problems fantastically; in this case, she has an excuse. It's true that Monika's issues with her perfectionism seem silly and trivial in comparison to Sayori's, but that's exactly the thing: She shouldn't be comparing them in the first place! Her problems are real, and they clearly cause her distress, but because Sayori's own issues appear so much more serious than hers, she dismisses them wholesale as her being dramatic and silly. Because Monika's problems seem so small, she doesn't see them for the problems they really are. In the same way, because her own accomplishments and work seem so small, she doesn't see them for the accomplishments they are.
This spiral showcases Monika's biggest problem, the reason why she has such trouble expressing herself, and conversely, the exact same problem Sayori has. She doesn't want to be the center of attention.
Put another way, she doesn't think she deserves to be the center of attention. Her problems are so trivial; her accomplishments menial. Her fear of vulnerability isn't a fear that others will hurt her; it's a fear of being selfish.
Sayori is very similar, in that the reason she actively works to avoid showing any possible sign that anything is wrong is because she doesn't want anyone to worry about her. She doesn't want other people to dedicate time and energy to her.
I think that for both of them, this comes from low self-esteem. Sayori is self-explanatory I think, but I'd say Monika's perfectionism makes it exceptionally difficult for her to really feel accomplished in anything she does, which, coupled with her constant preoccupation with how she appears to other people (I think Monika places very high expectations on herself. I mean, Trust literally starts with her frantically apologizing and saying "I normally don't ever do this!" when Sayori finds her napping) makes it very difficult for her to feel confident in herself.
The fear both Sayori and Monika have in being vulnerable isn't that people will use that vulnerability to hurt them.
It's that people will try to help them.
And I think that's a really big part of why Sayori feels like she can trust Monika with her darkest thoughts, because she understands that they're the same in a lot of ways.
Monika created the club which she needed the most...and it was also the club Sayori needed the most, for the exact same reason.
I think it's kinda easy to overlook a lot of this because of the sheer amount of focus placed onto Sayori and the more explicit issue Monika has (insofar as the plot is concerned), but I think Sayori is exactly what Monika needs just as much as Monika is what Sayori needs.
#i'll probably be making a lot more of these sorts of essays on different characters + side stories#i just noticed this and thoughts it was really interesting to look at#i think there's not a whole lot of focus given to monika as a character through the side stories in general outside of this#probably because the base game gives so much#i think this is a really interesting showcase of the pressure of this expectation which monika has of herself to be perfect#one thing i didn't mention here is that monika seems to outright reject the authority/seriousness of the club president position#i think another similarity between the two of them is that monika seems to use humor to soften things which make her uncomfortable#which based on the flippant way she talks about setting an example as club president specifically#it seems like she's not exactly confident in acting as an authority in her position#idk i really have a lot to say about them. both individually and together.#musings#ddlc monika#ddlc sayori#ddlc#doki doki literature club
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im thinking about haymitch abernathy again and oh fuck oh shit this is so fucked up
everything is, i know, but oh god they make FUN of haymitch because of his alcoholism, but its a coping mechanism and oh god he is so broken and so done and he needs a hug (or more)
#haymitch abernathy#the hunger games#all the aspects of thg are terrifying and fucked up#but you dont realise that its 1000 individual catastrophes inside one gigantic fuck up#suzanne collins the author you are#you should get a literature nobel prize i am not even kidding#and then you focus on one individual catastrophe and you know its fucked up but then you find out its even more fucked up than you thought#oh god oh fuck
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Happiness is individualized. Don't box it in. Let it fly.
A.D. Posey
#quotes#A.D. Posey#thepersonalwords#literature#life quotes#prose#lit#spilled ink#ad-posey#authors#awareness#film#happiness#individualized#inspirational#inspirational-quotes#let-it-fly#love#peace#screenwriters#smile#truth#women-in-film#writers
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(screencaps from hannibal 1.12 releves)
something something about freddie saying abigail is a very smart girl, then saying she herself is a very smart girl who grew up, which means the narrative is kind of positioning freddie as a representation of an abigail who got to grow up. and every attempt at abigail reaching out to freddie being put to a stop by people who wanna stifle her and act as her parental figures (hannibal, will, alana).
#hannibal#hannibal rewatch#freddie must be the character who most represents emancipation from authority freedom and individualism#and abigail is stopped everytime she tries to make a connection w her#she's not allowed to grow up!!#she's doomed to never leave that house#the show HITS you over the head with it#also interesting (and ominous) that alana says 'go inside'...
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âMaybe Chuuya is just an extremely deep sleeper and so never remembers his dreamsâ â As someone who never remembers their dreams, I always assumed this was the case lol. Itâs always so interesting to hear otherâs thoughts/theories on this though!
@whathorselegs also brought up in their tags that what Chuuya experiences could be night terrors (different phenomenon from nightmares), with no memory of them (common). This is also something that could come from his trauma.
This is a fantasy/sci-fi setting, so anything is possible, but it's also an option that Chuuya misinterpreted something very banal as more serious than it was. I've seen multiple times the headcanon that Chuuya would be aro/ace and load that with the rest and alienate himself from "being human" because of it. The "no dreaming" part could very well be the same situation. Everyone dreams. You just normally don't remember most of it.
#my non-religious non-spiritual self is also immune to the whole soul debate#though i can easily accept that the characters/author do not share this perception#and anyway the conclusion of that in SB was that if adam -a robot- was an individual that could care and love and experience joy#it didn't matter in the end what a soul was or if they had one#ask answered#apparently i talk sometimes#bsd headcanons#bsd#bungou stray dogs
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