#authentic self is then don't worry about it!'

[s-soulwriter]

What to give a fuck about,while writing your first draft!

I`ve posted a list about things you don´t need to give a fuck about while writing your first draft. Here are things you NEED TO CARE about! (in my opinion)

Your Authentic Voice: Don't let the fear of judgment or comparison stifle your unique voice. I know it´s hard,but try to write from your heart, and don't worry about perfection in the first draft. Let your authenticity shine through your words.

Your Story, Your Way: It's your narrative, your world, and your characters. Don't let external expectations or trends dictate how your story should unfold. Write the story you want to tell.

Progress Over Perfection: Your first draft is not the final product; it's the raw material for your masterpiece. Give a fuck about making progress, not achieving perfection. Embrace imperfections and understand that editing comes later.

Consistency and Routine: Discipline matters. Make a commitment to your writing routine and stick to it.

Feedback and Growth: While it's essential to protect your creative space during the first draft, be open to constructive feedback later on. Giving a f*ck about growth means you're willing to learn from others and improve your work.

Self-Compassion: Mistakes, writer's block, and self-doubt are all part of the process. Give a f*ck about being kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up if the words don't flow perfectly every time. Keep pushing forward and remember that writing is a journey.

Remember, the first draft is your canvas, your playground. Don't bog yourself down with unnecessary worries.

[rotagnus]

advice for your specific situation---<3

hi babies!! i hope all of you are doing okay. you can ask this about any situation you want, i'll try to be general, but there may be some more specific messages littered along the way.

this is a bit of a heavy reading and it deals with certain topics, so as always, be wary!

pile 1.

you guys are absolutely hopeless for some reason. shot down multiple times, it's hard to keep your head up, but your relentless hope is the only thing that's gotten you through tough times in the past, so you keep your head up even though you're crawling. there's a lot of disharmony in matters of the heart; a lot of you could have been very naive towards some problem of an emotional nature, and you may be feeling as if your heart is shattered, or perhaps tender. you are curious about the world, and have an innate belief in the goodness of people even though you keep getting backstabbed over and over again. you've probably asked for a sign recently; a sign to keep your hope, to keep your heart open regardless of the troubles you've experienced. you should look inwards; stop focusing on the minute details of the physical world. you probably have problems with self-sabotage and causing yourself to be in pain, take that as you may. it's hard to not fall back into old patterns, to keep your head up, especially when you've convinced yourself that the ending to this situation is bad. the answer is, you must keep your hope. you must, you must, you must. it is the right thing to do. you will be victorious, in the end, my bleeding heart. that phrase describes you very well. sensitive, emotional, but you prize those aspects of yourself. continue to do so. nurture yourself. you worry about other people, about their problems, but the truth is that you must focus on your faith.

a lot of you seem to have lost your belief in something, going through a dark phase. many are already on a journey to self-discovery, but you feel like you've taken a major step back. you may see other people getting what they want in life, people who are further behind you, and you ask God, why not me? truth is, you have a deep desire to grow. all these people you worry about chose the easy way out and will have a lot of problems to unpack later on in their life. you have your guardian angel to support you, you have many, many pillars of support. soon, everything will clear up, and you will see the answer. don't force yourself to choose an ending before it's time.

a cycle is ending for you. you must let this dark phase come over you. a lot of you might get your period soon or perhaps experience some stormy weather, going through the winter of this ending phase. for this situation to bloom, you must set out boundaries and lay out the ground-flooring for the next cycle to come. what do you want out of your life, darling? not what your parents want, what your friends want, what was laid out in front of you. a lot of you want to be seen. i think you'll get that, but only when you allow yourself to be. this new cycle will bring truths; truths you avoid. it'll bring your true self to the light, and you'll feel belly-up. i think this will be a focal point in your life, for it will either be a cycle you have to keep relearning, or you will finally accept that you must be yourself, authentically. this situation is entirely dependent on you, and how you face these adversities.

pile 2.

you guys are convinced you know everything, through and through. you are on hell of an assumption-maker, my friend. you guys are also givers. you guys are extremely self-aware of your duality, yet you beat yourself up for doing anything out of the extremely high morals you've set for yourself. some of you are guilty about a certain situation; God is telling me that you must forgive yourself. forgive yourself. you can't always be pure and good. your goodness comes from your ability to forgive, and your ability to grow. a lot of you are discovering patterns in your life and patterns in your thinking, which in itself is a very hard process, so i applaud you for that. you've got skeletons in your closet, and they're all coming out, and you're convincing yourself that you are a terrible person because you've gone through shit. FALSE!!! a lot of those things were out of your control. relax, baby. a lot of you are feeling as if this situation is hopeless. partially, some of you felt like everything was going well; it was going great, in fact, and recently something destroyed this perfect world that you had. it may have collided with your new, fresh belief in good things. you are tired of growing through pain. i think a lot of you are pretending that self-love isn't part of the journey. honey baby, you must love yourself very deeply before you can throw yourself onto a sword. yes, life has risks; but a lot of you seem to self-sacrifice yourself to the point that you are marred with nothing but scars and bruises. you view yourself as dirty. you need to develop better self-love and self-respect instead of letting people walk all over you.

your hard work isn't going unacknowledged. you need to set up the basic infrastructure for your life before you can start adding players to the game. you have a pure heart, and sometimes, what the heart wants...isn't necessarily what the heart needs, or deserves. you need to accept that. what you think is perfect for you, may not be perfect for you. also, it may be a better thing to keep a stone-face for a while, to people who you are not very close with. do not tell them your good experiences; people can be jealous, and share your sweet things with sweet people. i feel as though you will get what you want when you grow as a person; you can't start a habit for 10 days and decide that it's all permanent on the 10th day. it takes time. it takes lessons. you asked to be strong, for growth, and this is what you get.

10 is very significant for you guys, i am hearing. OOOUUU girl okay okay. i see. so my deck has hearts instead of swords, and two of hearts fell out, as well as the magician. i think that the magician represents the universe while the two of hearts represent you and someone else, or something else. a lot of you seek perfection with this other subject; you want everything to be orchestrated on YOUR timing. this won't happen! the magician is orchestrating things to happen on divine timing. you can't rush things; right now, focus on making sure that you're the version of yourself you want to be in order to get this blessing. things move on their own timing, with the chariot; you are simply a passenger in this moving vehicle, you cannot tell the driver to go faster. look out of the window and observe the beautiful landscape instead of rushing. the car ain't gonna go faster anyways LOL. 333 is significant, too. change is coming. your intuition is on point; a lot of you already know what you must do for this situation. the lovers fell out again; i think that this may be about romantic love, for some of you. you guys have a lot of dead things you're burying, and you're not done yet; when you'll finish this cycle, you'll get what you want. sailor song may be significant for some of you; i like the way you kiss me by artemas, too. enjoy this journey.

pile 3.

you guys are lost on what to do and where to go. you feel like you've finished a certain cycle in your life, but now you're at a cross-roads, and your heart, soul, body, and mind, all want different things. which do you follow? i feel like a lot of you may have gone ghost on some people; frozen in action is what i'm hearing. maybe you stopped telling people about things in your life, because people from the past wonder about you. it's important for you not to fall into past patterns, dear. a lot of you are very deep feelers, very deep thinkers, and you see people for who they are; their bads, their goods, you understand it is all part of being human. the truth is that people can be both good and bad simultaneously while not deserving a role in your life. it's your movie, baby, and you don't need to have everyone as a star in it. you're such a sweet thing, and you deserve sweetness in your life. a lot of you may be growing closer to your friends, and i advise that you hang-out with them, or talk. you grew up either very alone, or with a very close-knit group of people, forged out of pains and sufferings. you're a realist, and you have a very straight view of the world, not allowing yourself to see it as something extremely optimistic, as pile 1 does. when you do, it makes you overwhelmed; it feels as if your heart has multiplied, beating in so many rhythms it confuses you. you're reminiscing on people, specifically; you, my love, have a deep love for humanity. a commitment to bettering the world is very significant here. you've distanced yourself from society, in a way, but you still want people to bloom. you are wise beyond your years.

but that doesn't mean that you have to be so strong all the time. it's alright to break down and cry. you don't have to be the parent, you don't have to carry all this weight on your shoulders. i promise you, the universe/God will listen to all your burdens. cry. speak to whatever you have faith in. cry again. i feel like a lot of you just need to blurt out whatever you're feeling so you can understand what you feel. whisper at night, write it down in a journal, speak to the stars, speak to a person. you are so treasured. a lot of you feel like you have to perform for others. everyone's always watching you, watching you, for a stumble. you MUST let go. stop caring what others think. they ain't gonna like you if they ain't like you already. their opinions don't matter. you have a voice that could start wars, and the right people will stand behind you and not betray you. there are still good people out there, and for your situation, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND IT IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD TO BE BY YOURSELF. being alone is good, for self-reflection...being alone because you're scared of opening up is bad. you see people as weapons, weapons of love and pain--look at them as people. honey, you are so wise, but sometimes, simplicity is the answer.

a lot of you have to be strong right now. everyone's watching you--you're the star of the show, to God, to higher beings, to the people in your life. be confident; you are in this beautiful role for a reason! dance, be yourself. people's feelings will reveal themselves, if you feel as if there are liars or untruthful people in your life, a lot of the things you're worrying about will reveal themselves to you. you just have to accept your beauty and work on your self-love. a lot of you doubt your own self, and you have an awkward perception of yourself as a person. kick yourself out of this state, and look at yourself, baby, you're the whole bag of cookies and MORE!! you're a damn deal! you're gorgeous, beautiful, smart! read those affirmations. do the work. you'll be a-okay, honey!

[sheeezu]

.Shift by channeling.

Go to your DRs by channeling, again, step to step guide.

This can be used as a separate method, or you could use this when you need a final push.

This isn't the spiritual type of channeling, nor do you need to use AI or something, nor do you get possessed.

Step 1:

Before attempting to shift, choose a person from your DR. It could be your S/O, you can choose to channel multiple people, if you have a friend group or something, but i recommend picking someone whom you have a close connection with in your DR.

Have a voice claim ready, take some times to look at the person's pictures, remember their physical attributes, focus on their personality.

(You can listen to songs which remind you of your relationship with that person)

Step 2:

Lay down, when you're prepared to shift. You're going to start off saying affirmations like it's a normal shifting method.

If you can visualize, i recommend you think of visual affirmations which relate to your DR.

Its a method to affirm, where you go around your DR, whether it's your DR house, room, or a memorable or nostalgic place in your DR, and see your normal shifting affs, carved, written around, for example, your affs formed by clouds, carved into pillars and tables, written on your clothes, finding papers or letter which say your affirmations (so Affirmations ∝ Your DR)

You should try to be hype fixated, so if you are fidgeting, can't stay still, you're too engrossed in what's going on inside your mind to notice your body itching or twitching.

Do this until your symptoms intensifies or reach a peak, everyone feels differently, for some it's more physical (seeing light flashes, tingles, floating) for some it's mental (having a gut feeling, feeling euphoric) so don't get discouraged.

You aren't doing anything wrong.

Step 3:

This is where we come across our special person. While you're seeing your affs, make yourself meet them. Now, if you're confused and going to say this isn't channeling, then just stop. You're creating this reality and undoubtedly every moment you're experiencing, so when you're in a deeply concentrated phase, the only thing that could possibly stop you from having a very real and authentic meeting with your SP is your own self-doubt (anyways, if you're having self doubt then say an aff or two to combat them)

Your SP is standing right in front of you, let yourself loose at this point. No need to force anything scripted, but if you want then you can.

Have a conversation with your SP, whether it's initiated by you or your SP.

Maybe even invite them to drink tea, sit outside, take them to a secret spot.

Now you're having a conversation with them, starting off with your conscious thoughts doing the talking from your part, whatever your SP says is your subconsciousness speaking, or you're directly channeling them (both of which are the same thing, i hate being repetitive, you're creating reality if you believe you're being channeled by your SP, then that's what's happening)

Start off with a normal conversation, like how'd you talk to someone, someone you love and know very well.

Right now, you're going to say a very specific affirmation:

"(your SP's name) is just about to ask me what i was doing in my OR/void reality."

Then let the conversation take a natural turn. That question will eventually be asked, your loved one is just very curious about why you were away from them.

Now, what you will answer back will be the way how to shift.

"Oh, must be a fever dream, i had never had a dream so real, i was touching everything, each and everything felt legit." (best for permashifters, don't be afraid of using this if you intend to come back)

"I guess it was out of responsibility, but don't worry, i'm here now."

"I don't know myself, all i know i didn't like being there."

"I was curious, that's all; you know i like exploring new things, and come on, it was a whole new universe, but now i want to rest at home."

Whatever your SP says in response, whether they're asking you to come join them, or how they're glad you're back, just nod back.

Step 4:

Go to sleep in your DR, if you recall, you're in your home. Go towards your bed, crash down, close your eyes.

From this point onwards, you're going to embody your DR self and fall asleep acting normal, completely abandon the fact that you were shifting, or that you have shifted to your DR, act like a person (your DR self) living in any other world (your DR)

I described this in details in the third phase of my pinned post, you're supposed to do all that.

You'll wake up in your DR.

Why is this method supposed to work?

Connection to your DR environment ✔

Logically explains your involvement with your previous reality, why you were there for so long ✔

Reminds your consciousness that you've successfully shifted ✔

Connection to your loved ones in your DR ✔

Most importantly, connection to your DR self ✔

...

That's the method, you can also shift in between the method as well. There really isn't any reason for you to wake back in your CR, listen to some subliminals to remove intrusive thoughts, then you're good.

You could also make it so your SP had more control over your shift, like they brought you back, you can modify the method according to your wishes.

It's a short and sweet method, believe in your abilities and you'll be out of here faster than lightning.

...

This method is heavily focused on visualizing, if you have aphantasia then your DR SP can just speak to you, when you eventually cross over to your DR self's state of mind (if they can visualize) you'll get the ability to visualize like them, or get flashes of images.

...

Also thanks for everyone who gave me compliments in my inbox I have no clue how to receive them, but I am very grateful (:

[lavenders388]

HII!!

could we please get some kang dae ho x reader??

something where he’s a bit of his usual himbo self and the reader is maybe a bit airheaded— something about two people being in love with one another while the world around them is burning is amazing.

~Flowers in December~

<3 Kang Dae Ho x Reader

requested 💌

authors note: i am amazed by the amount of requests and also so flattered!! I am so happy to get back into writing not only for myself but to be able to make other people happy to see their ideas come to life!! i apologize if this has some flaws i cant wait to get more practice in and promise the next will be better!! feedback is always appreciated! thank you all so much!!<3 -matcha

~~~~~~~~~~~⋆��‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆~~~~~~~~~~~

...

~takes place during the second night~

"we should all take turns keeping watch over the group" player 456 urged as the warning for lights out echoed throughout the room, the rest of the group silently agreeing- trusting the man who claimed to have been in one of the previous games, leaving as the sole survivor. you were, as were many others, reluctant to believe that he had done all of this before, but after his help in the first game and joining his team for the second, you grew to trust him; and the other members of your group. the man that had been assigned your partner for keeping watch was coincidentally a member you were drawn to specifically- at first because he was close to your age, his boyish face making you feel a little less scared and alone in the second game, and eventually you appreciated his outward personality and kindhearted confidence, a stark contrast to the situation you both were in. as you sat together, although trying to protect your group from whatever could happen in the dark room, you felt even safer. "how in the world did you pull that off?" you broke the silence with a whisper, referring to him playing gonggi in the previous game. "my hands were shaking so badly i could barely even hold my ddakji." he laughs, a bit louder than he should have given the people sleeping, but it made you smile. "i told you all i played with my sisters!" he chuckles. "you said you know how to do it yeah," you retorted, stifling a giggle at him being unaware of the compliment. "you didn't tell us you were amazing at it, that was a surprise." he turns away, embarrassed of how deeply your compliment made him grin and scared you'd see him blushing even in the dark. "thank you y/n." he says bashfully as he regains his composure. the silence returns; the reality of where you're both having this conversation threatening to creep back in. his gaze softens as he turns to you again, "you did really well with your ddakji you know, doing it the first try is really impressive, especially given the circumstances." you smile, a toothy grin as not only are you proud of yourself but you appreciate the compliment; especially from him. the kind, authentic way he states how good you did has you unable to find a response. "t-thank you" you say, blushing and still smiling. "it helped that nobody was there, i get nervous when people are watching me." his demeanor changes. he nervously runs his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry if i made you nervous, y/n" he says sincerely. your confusion shows on your face until you realize what he means. "oh no don't worry! i meant the crowd, like how everybody was cheering for the other teams! i didn't want them all to see if i messed up. you watching me helped actually. it made me less nervous." the silence returns; comfortingly. you've forgotten where you are, you've forgotten what would have happened if you'd messed up, all that's on your mind is the man sitting next to you. when you look back he's staring at you. smiling. "thank you for being on my team." you say to him as he turns away, trying to hide how long he was looking at you. you've never seen him speechless before. "if we work together nothing can stand in our way." he said to you just as he said to jung bae before the game. "i am truly honored you feel that way." you half-joke. "what are your plans for tomorrow?" you ask as if youre speaking to him in a normal situation. "oh wait im sorry!" you laugh. "well i bet they're the same as mine then!" you joke about your forgetfulness as well as making light of where you find yourself. like hes done for you, he also had forgotten the events of the day and what followed tomorrow. the two of you talking made him feel as though he was living a good, normal day. it was greatly appreciated by him, your bubbly nature being a moment of solace.

a/n if this is buns at all please lmk what i can do better!!! ⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

[thesirencult]

What Will Your FS Love About You?

Pile 1

9 Of Cups, 5 Of Cups, The Magician, 6 Of Swords

Channeled Songs: I wanna be with you-DJ Khaled, Positions-Ariana Grande

My dearest one,

You are a tiny bit dramatic, aren't you? You have attachment issues when it comes to your person. You want them around all the time as they are wish that came true out of seemingly nowhere! You would jump through hoops for them. I'm getting the image of someone cooking, doing laundry, plucking their eyebrows, hitting the gym all for their person. Like, your person is your INSPIRATION+MOTIVATION to live a specific lifestyle! Your person adores your innocent heart and your personal evolution.

You might have met your person duriong a period of emotional turmoil. You could have been closed off or emotionally unavailable the period you met them. You guys could have also gone through a period of separation because you couldn't confront your feelings for them or "expose" your true self.

Your person admires the way you bossed up and went after them. You are whipped, they don't ahve to worry about you cheating or leaving them. You have invested into them and the marriage in a tangible way (cars, houses) and a spiritual/emotional way. The way you treated them from the first month of your relationship made them made you a priority. I think that this person wouldn't even know what you went through to "get them". During a period of a couple months in your life you totally dedicated yourself to this cause, you bettered yourself for this person, for your person, not out of despair (well, at first it could have been that lol) but because you realized ytou belong to them and they are your soulmate and your doorway to a higher path.

Your FS will love how you aren't repressing your emotions anymore and how you opened your heart up to love even though you were jaded. You've been brave and that makes them want to take care of you. You passed all the tests with flying colours. When you are married to them you will be in the energy of a master manifestor. This is what those 2 months taught you when you were trying to better yourself. They taught you how to manifest and be intentional. Your FS is very proud of you and the way you overcame your past wounds and tumultuous childhood. Before you guys tied the knot they noticed you had an awakening and elevated yourself to get to their level rather than taking the path of least resistance. You worked on yourself and your connection.

You never had a hard time asking for help from them and they love how you innocently ask them questions or want their input. It's not that your person likes the way you depend on them, it's just that they love how much you cherish and value them, to the point you let them guide you and baby you.

Choosing you was choosing joy and playfulness, you may think they were your dream person but your FS manifested you into their lives and intentionally chose you because of your kindness and pureness. You are very greedy when it comes to them and they enjoy slapping your hands away and teasing you. They never get tired of your jokes or childish antics, they get entertained by them. They will love the look of frustration when you are fixing something and how you look at them with those big sad puppy eyes. They love making your eyes light up with excitement and hearing you yap on the phone after calling them for the tenth time from work to ask what's for dinner or another mindless question, just to hear their voice or talk to one of the kids (all excuses to talk to them).

Your FS will not love you for commiting to them but for commiting to a harder path that led to your evolution in this lifetime <3

Pile 2

9 Of Wands, 2 Of Pentacles

Channeled Songs: You Da Baddest-Future, Diamonds-Rihanna, Down In The DM-Yo Gotti, All Eyes On You-Meek Mill

Your FS loves that you are unbothered, authentic, inspiring, influential, a tiny bit b*tchy and a menace to society (quietly).

This person will feel like they are always HIGH around you. You are protective over them and loyal to a fault. I'm hearing love at first sight, a diamond that is forever. You are a sun ray in their life, a natural beauty. Your hair is bouncy or *other areas* lol, you could also have a bounce in your step and this person will love that.

Your person knows you are someone who could get with anyone and there are times they do not feel like they can keep you. They will feel very lucky you chose them (simp). They will want to show you off cause they consider you OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE. Other women/men are jealous of you and men/women are fighting over you. Your FS considers you a MAN SNATCHER if you are a feminine, hahaha. You are a rare commodity (YAS QUEEN).

Also, a bit freaky energy here, your person will love how you text, if you get my drift and also how wet you are during sexy time! They are saying "it's your world, I'm just living in it!"

You might have an hourglass figure and they are drooling over that and they also love how you look during the summer! You are a leader, always in the driver's seat especially when it comes to the relationship. They also admire your mindset because they know what it took for you to get here. You are an equilizer, resilient and pushing through obstacles. You have a "never give up" attitudeand you always strive to show up as your BEST SELF. You are graceful and adaptable.

You might have long curly hair is what I'm hearing and they will find it so beautiful when it cascades down your back all natural. You look LOVELY when you get out of the shower is what they are saying. Expect frequent kisses and foot rubs, lmao!

[missdollcouture]

KILLER CONFIDENCE

building confidence is something that we have to build and choose for ourselves. you need to understand you can literally wake up and decide you're confident.

the thing that helped me with confidence was knowing that everyone can tell if you're insecure. from the way you walk, to the way you carry yourself. so I just decided that I did not wanna give off insecure energy. who does?

now, if that doesn't work for you, don't worry, I have additional tips to help you become the most confident version of yourself.

fake it till it becomes real- if you're not confident, act like it. the more you pretend you are, the more natural and real it'll become.

step outside your comfort zone- try something new, talk to someone new. yeah sure, its nerve racking and uncomfortable but that's where growth happens. the more you do this, the more confidence you develop not only in yourself but in your ability to try new things.

take care of yourself- do your nails, find your style, have a nice workout. whatever helps you feel better and the most attractive version of yourself, do it. feel good physically=feeling good mentally.

your aura- the way you carry yourself is so so important. don't walk into a room with your head down, avoiding eye contact from everyone, its not the aura you want to give off.

accept validation from yourself- don't determine your self worth off of what other people think about you, it'll only make you a people pleaser. the only person's opinion on you that matters is yours.

be authentic- authenticity is attractive. don't try to be someone you're not, its a waste of time and energy. own your weirdness, your quirks, your everything.

who cares?- believe it or not, people aren't paying as much attention to you as you think. no one's making fun of you because of that pimple, or chipped tooth, or whatever else you're criticizing yourself over. and if they are, they're honestly losers cause why are they wasting their energy on making fun of someone else?

- confidence isn't about being perfect, it's about accepting that nothing is. it's about embracing your flaws, knowing you're doing your best. you're not everyone's cup of tea, and that's perfectly fine. It's about being yourself, unapologetically.

[gamorahww]

Why Fiyeraba Are Perfect for Eachother, According to science MBTI

Through their differences, authenticity, sense of what's right, and just overall being well-meaning people, these two are a great example of how you can lift someone up, just by being your most authentic self and holding space for them to do the same.

Hello, this is a Fiyeraba analysis no one asked for. It doesn’t contain any spoilers for Wicked: Part 2.

Disclaimer Regarding MBTI: I know many people think MBTI is bullshit and even a bit limiting, when we talk about real life, and the people inhabiting it, but in the case of well-written, consistent fictional characters (which applies to both Elphaba and Fiyero) I think MBTI can be used without worrying about negative effects. That being said, enjoy the analysis of Fiyeraba through this lense!

I.) Context, If You Are Not Familiar with MBTI

When it comes to MBTI, there are two angles of looking at the types. One you are probably familiar with is the four-letter abbreviation (ENFP, INTJ, ESTJ, etc), but there is a deeper layer, where we are looking at those cognitive functions that each type uses. There are 16 variations of the four-letter types, but only 8 functions, that vary in order, and preference in each type. 

We identify four main cognitive functions in each type. Introverted types (their four-letter type stars with an I) are most comfortable using their introverted functions, and extraverted types (their four letters start with an E) are most comfortable with their extraverted functions. However as a person grows up, goes through life and evolves, they learn to harness their initially weaker functions better, and this gives them a more well-rounded personality, and a more healthier way of living in the world and be their authentic selves.

The order of the functions is also important, so whatever is in first place is their strongest function, and whatever is their last is their weakest.

You may be looking at this thinking “I didn’t ask for this”. And you are right, you didn’t, but bear with me.

So, lets sum it up: Each four-letter type has four main functions, and the extraverts are good at extravert stuff, while introverts are good at introvert stuff. Got it!

Now that we have this nailed down, lets look at these beatiful idiots then.

II.) Fiyeraba and Their MBTI Types and Cognitive Functions

Elphaba is an INTJ. INTJs are nicknamed “masterminds” by some people, because they are really good at big picture stuff. Ironically more often than not, if a story requires a villain with a large plan, they do tend to be INTJs. INTJs make for great villains in people’s eyes, with their no-nonsense way of going around in the world, and in a society full of rules and norms, they stand out, no matter what they do. Some people like to see Elphaba as an ISFP, that would mean that her introverted feeling is stronger than her intuition, but I think those people are wrong lol. Just look at the matter of seconds it took for Elphaba to realize that the Wizard is a fake once she was face to face with him, and then making a plan, and running away. Also, the trope of "you see me as a villain, so I will become your villain" is a common INTJ character trope, and applies to Elphaba super well.

Fiyero is an ESFP. ESFPs are nicknamed as “performers” or “entertainers”. They are usually popular, bold, original, and very observant. They are often considered as shallow, and superficial, which they can be, if they don't focus enough on developing their inner world, their intorverted feeling and their intuition. They are often impulsive, seeking newness, but they can easily fall into this superficiality as a routine, if they are not challenged.

Elphaba - INTJ - cognitive functions: Ni-Te-Fi-Se

(Ni) Introverted Intuition: Dominantly seeks deep patterns, long-term vision, and abstract connections for strategic planning. - Elphaba is the only one who intuitively sees Fiyero being unhappy. Later, as soon as her blinders of false hope are lifted after changing the monkeys, she almost immediately puts two and two together.

(Te) Extraverted Thinking: Structures external environments logically, focusing on efficiency and execution. - From information fragments she gathers at Emerald City, with her thinking supported by her intuition, she puts together the Wizard not having any powers, and seeing through his scheme. 

(Fi) Introverted Feeling: Prioritizes internal values and authenticity in decision-making, though less visibly. - She has a strong sense of what's right, and would never chose what is good for her over what she thinks is the morally right thing to do.

(Se) Extraverted Sensing: Engages with sensory experiences and the present moment, though it’s less naturally prominent. - Once she decides she will fly, she does. She is very graceful, knows how to use her environment to her benefit, although she is a bit slow to take action.

Fiyero - ESFP - cognitive functions: Se-Fi-Te-Ni

(Se) Extraverted Sensing: Focuses on real-time sensory details, enabling adaptability, spontaneity, and a hands-on approach to life. - He's obviously an amazing dancer, and finds joy in the sensory experiences around him. He has no problems balancing on books, jumping off places, dancing, having good old sensory fun.

(Fi) Introverted Feeling: Guides decisions through personal values and emotions, fostering empathy and authenticity. - This function is somewhat dormant in him, although you can see that he cares very deeply for the animals, and feels the need to let Elphaba know that she doesn't have to be "galinda-fied". He appreciates her authenticity and it makes him work more on his own.

(Te) Extraverted Thinking: Organizes actions logically and efficiently to achieve tangible goals. - He is not booksmart, but streetsmart, he recognizes when it is safe to do something, and considers his environment before doing so. 

(Ni) Introverted Intuition: Recognizes patterns and long-term possibilities, offering introspection and strategic insight when developed. - Him calling out Elphaba on her defense mechanism is a very good example of him tapping into his intuitive side, although he doesn't do it very often.

Elphaba and Fiyero have the exact same cognitive functions, but in a completely reverse order: Elphaba: Ni-Te-Fi-Se Fiyero: Se-Fi-Te-Ni I highlighted their strongest functions as seen above.

Now, as I mentioned earlier, whatever function is in first place is the strongest in a person, and whatever is last is the absolute weakest. And while the first and third functions are more easily accessible to everyone (due to them being extraverted functions in an extravert, and introverted functions in an introvert) the very last one, well, it’s difficult to learn to use.

For Elphaba her weakest function is (Se), that Fiyero is amazing at. (Se) can be used to assess your environment on a sensory level, to see and hear what is where, to notice details in how things look. People with well developed (Se) are great at the physical things, like doing your stunts, or dancing, jumping etc.

For Fiyero, his weakest function is (Ni), that Elphaba is just a natural at. (Ni) helps you see patterns in the world around you, and it has been described lovingly by people online as “being able to see the future” (does that ring a bell?) but also by recognizing patterns, seeing a big picture, usually noticing things that other people don’t.

So obviously those are two functions, that one of them learns from the other, right? I mean they just learn how to tap into them. Although they probably don’t as much learn from eachother, but see the other using it, and it makes their own relationship to this under utilized part of themselves change, and improve because of it. But while that is amazing, and will come very helpful to them in act 2/part 2 that is not the aspect that they connect through. What I really want to talk about is…

III.) Connecting Through Authenticity and Values - Introverted Feeling aka (Fi)

Look, you read those two words, you may think, okay, so it’s about people feeling things, like that’s normal, right? Everyone has feelings, so what’s the big deal? No, that’s not what it’s about. (Fi) is about what is _right_. It’s your values, that you hold so deep, that you can’t and won’t cut it out for anything or anyone. It what makes you you, and it is people with (Fi) that usually speak up for marginalized groups, and do the right thing, even if it comes at a personal cost. Introverted feeling is integrity, and it’s authenticity.

And as you can see, Elphaba has this in third place, and Fiyero has it in second. Fiyero should be amazing at this, but his integrity? It’s actually a bit… asleep. Why?

Looping is a phenomena that we call when an introverted person uses only their introverted, or an extraverted person uses only their extraverted functions. It’s a stress response. A defense mechanism. It’s unhealthy, and painful, because yes, your second (and fourth) functions are difficult to develop, but  they are part of who you are, you can’t just shut them out, without cutting pieces out of yourself. Kids live with their first and third functions, and then it is believed that throughout teenagehood, we start to engage our second function more. But when something bad happens to us, we sometimes turn this second function off as adults or as teenagers, reverting back to childish behavior. It’s not for fun, and it never makes us satisfied.

Fiyero is looping, and the mindset he presents in Dancing Through Life is the textbook version of an ESFP in crisis. It is literally a song about that.

“Mindless” and “brainless” are not there to reflect on his lack of intellect, but the fact that he is not integrating these important parts of himself that he should to assess what is right, and he choses not to think about the world around him. He is skipping over that (Fi) as if it was another hurdle in his way, because probably, at some point he realized that his integrity and authenticity doesn’t really matter to the world around him. His values nobody cares about, despite him having everything handed over on a silver platter. 

Escaping the Loop. When Elphaba steps into his life, and he sees her standing up for the animals, that’s the moment, she jump-starts this part inside him. He’s been literally sleepwalking through life up to that point. It is on the levels of authenticity that these two characters are allowed to truly connect, and it is this authenticity and integrity that allows them to see past everything else. (“It’s not lying! It’s looking at things another way.” IYKYK)

IV.) Growing While Lifting Eachother Up

For Elphaba, her personal journey is a strange one. She literally grew up in another bubble, but her integrity has developed. She is well in touch with her cognitive functions, but she is living in a lie, so her bubble is a lie. The fact that she could go through life for so long, not realizing that something was broken in the world, apart from how she was personally treated, goes to show you, what a good job the Wizard did with his manipulation.

Once she really first sees the problems in Oz is with the lion cub in the classroom. You can see her trying to fight for it, raise her voice, ask others to join in, to help and nobody responds, only Fiyero engages with her, asking “I’m sorry, we?” See how Fiyero immediately takes it upon himself, although he was not addressed directly by name, or in any other way. She looked in the general direction of her friends, and he was the only one who responded at all.

Elphaba, tries to solve the situation with her tried and true and tested intuition, integrity, thinking, but she lacks something. She bursts out emotionally, putting the class to sleep, safe for one Fiyero. She needs someone to show her how to take action in that situation, and Fiyero steps in. By that time, Elphaba helped Fiyero engage his values again, so he jumps in to help, and almost literally drags her with himself, moving her out of her comfort zone and out of class.

Up to this point Elphaba was told by Morrible to harness those emotions, but she also put a limitation on Elphaba with those classes. She thinks acting on those feelings is not always right, but these are not just emotions, these are beliefs and values and things that are actually important to her, so keeping them quiet is not the right path. But these two characters complement eachother, and bring out the best in the other, without pushing down anything in each other.  They make eachother stronger and more capable. In the class, Fiyero pulls her out of the limiting mindset she put on herself, and other put on her, and they actually save a life together, and after this neither of them are the same again.

Fiyero starts thinking about what’s right. About the day with the lion cub, and the person he shared it with. He spends more time "inwards" and gives less care about the physical world, and what he thought was important before.

Elphaba leaves to Emerald City with Glinda, not realizing she will be tested, in more ways than she can imagine. And when, at the end of the day she faces a situation, where she needs to take action against the biggest odds she has ever faced, and with Morrible on the loudspeakers disparaging her, she doesn't listen. She doesn't allow those limitations back onto her, she just closes her eyes and leaps.

And when she does, Fiyero jumps on his horse, as the entire world is starting to close in around Elphaba, and goes to look for her.

I guess you could say that together they are actually unlimited.

[ghostlyferrettarot]

ᯓ★🎧✮⋆🎸Pick a Picture: ♡₊˚🐈‍⬛ྀི♪⋆.✮ How to step into your most iconic energy? ♡₊🐈‍⬛ྀི♪⋆.✮

❗️This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the rest❗️

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≽^•༚•🎀≼Masterlist≽^•༚•🎀≼ ≽^•༚•🎀≼Masterlist 2≽^•༚•🎀≼

🎧ྀི♪⋆.✮Pile 1: Hi pile 1! You know, your style is a powerful way to express yourself to the world, and if I've learned anything, it's that there's nothing more attractive than authenticity pile 1. But I feel like many don't get it. The key here is to focus on what makes you feel powerful, comfortable, and completely yourself. Maybe you've gone through times where you thought you had to follow the rules of "good taste" or the latest trend to fit in, but the real magic begins when you start letting go of those expectations and allow yourself to dress for yourself, not for others. Have you noticed how there's something incredibly attractive about people who wear their style with confidence? That doesn't come from following the rules, but from finding what makes you shine. And I don't just mean clothes, but how you wear them, how you stand, how you move. It's that energy you project when you feel good about yourself. So start experimenting. If you have those pieces that make you feel amazing, wear them without hesitation! Don't worry if you think they're too bold or different. If they make you feel confident and radiant, then they're the right thing to do. If your heart beats faster in a specific piece, that's the sign. Personal style isn't just an outfit choice; it's a way to assert your confidence and power. It's like a constant reminder that you're taking control of your life. People can tell when someone feels powerful, and that's what makes your style truly "iconic." It doesn't have to be perfect or conform to what's in fashion; all you need is to be true to yourself. So start dressing from the heart, not from external expectations, and you'll see how the world responds to that unique energy you radiate.

🎧ྀི♪⋆.✮Pile 2: Hi Pile 2! FIRST OF ALL, how do you feel about yourself? Beyond what you see in the mirror, beyond the things you might like to change. Do you really feel good about yourself? Because the glow-up that matters most isn't just the one you see on the surface, but the one that comes from within, the one that makes you feel more at peace, more connected, more you. The glow-up starts in your heart, in your mind, in the way you speak to yourself every day. If you want to shine, you need to heal, because when you do, the light that comes out of you is not only reflected on your face, but in everything you do. I know it can be difficult at times. Maybe you've carried insecurities or doubts for a long time, but I promise you that the path to the inner glow-up isn't a destination, it's a journey. It's starting to do things for yourself that make you feel good, that nourish you. It might mean meditating, reading, surrounding yourself with supportive people, exercising, or simply taking some time to listen to your body and what it truly needs. The important thing here is that it's not about achieving an "ideal" version of yourself, but rather embracing who you are right now and working on being the best version of yourself, without external pressure. It's about accepting that you don't have to be perfect, but you can be a better version of yourself every day. And that internal work, those small decisions to take care of your mind, body, and soul, are what will truly make you shine. It may sound cliché, but self-esteem doesn't come overnight. It's a process. It's about giving yourself permission to make mistakes, to rest, to be human. And it's also about knowing that, although challenges and insecurities exist, you always have the ability to move forward, to reinvent yourself, and to rediscover yourself. Remember that a glow-up isn't just physical; it's something that comes from within, a vibration that is generated when you are aligned with yourself. And when you begin to connect with your true essence, you not only feel more radiant, but you also feel more at peace. That inner peace is what truly makes everything else fall into place: your style, your attitude, your relationships. Don't rush. Don't compare yourself to others. Every day is a new opportunity to choose yourself, to invest in yourself, to begin healing from within. You deserve to shine, so give yourself the chance to do so!

🎧ྀི♪⋆.✮Pile 3: Hi pile 3! You know that no matter how much you change on the outside, or how many new outfits you wear, if your attitude isn't aligned with that powerful energy you want to project, everything else feels a little empty. Attitude is what truly makes you iconic. And believe me, it has nothing to do with being arrogant or putting on a fake front. It's about having confidence in yourself, walking with confidence, and showing the world that you're ready for whatever comes. But here's the trick: it's not something you achieve overnight. An iconic attitude is built over time, through small daily decisions and moments when you choose to be strong, even if your heart trembles. It's normal to sometimes doubt yourself, to feel afraid, but true attitude lies in how you get up after each fall, how you face challenges with a smile, and how you keep going without letting difficulties define you. What an icon you pile 3, love your energy. You may not always feel like you're ready to take the world by storm, and that's okay. It's not about being in a constant state of "superpower." Iconic attitude has a lot to do with being able to stay calm when everything seems chaotic, staying true to yourself even when circumstances change. It's that inner stillness that allows you to respond gracefully to whatever comes your way, rather than reacting impulsively. Remember, being iconic doesn't mean being perfect, it doesn't mean being invincible, it means being true to yourself no matter what others think. Because when you are authentic and genuine, when you are unafraid to show your true self, that is the spark that makes your attitude shine. It's not about being "the best," it's about being the most authentic version of yourself. So, if you ever feel insecure or wonder if you have what it takes, remember: your attitude is all you need. Act with confidence, with grace, and with a heart full of courage. When you align with that inner energy, everything else begins to fall into place. I believe in you pile 3 :).

🎧ྀི♪⋆.✮Thank you for reading and let me know if it resonated!🎧ྀི♪⋆.✮

[thesarcasticreader]

SOME EXTRA DETAILS ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE! (CURRENT AND FUTURE)

So I am back? I think. Last year was overwhelming, that's all I will say. I will be trying to post regular readings here because IDK why, but Tumblr feels more authentic than IG? Anyway, take a deep breath and choose your pile. If you feel drawn to multiple piles, you can check them out too. This reading is timeless, and as always, do not stress about your choice too much: Let it flow!

❤️❤️ If the reading resonated with you, do like, reblog and comment, if not, you can let me know that in a constructive manner. But if you are an asshole, I promise you, I can be the bigger asshole ❤️❤️

THESE PICTURES DO NOT BELONG TO ME. THEY WERE TAKEN FROM PINTEREST.

PILE 1: THE TALKER

They talk. They talk a lot. In fact, the only time you ever have to be worried about them is when they are not talking.

Very communicative and in turn, they will expect their partner, meaning you, to be communicative with them.

This person is going to be very charismatic, which leads them to getting a lot of messages. I would not be surprised if they have a lot of Libra or Taurus energy to them.

This person does have that ONE nasty habit they have not managed to get rid of their entire life. It could be anything: Procrastination, chronic lateness et. el. A little more detail would be how they manage money. This person either over saves or overspends. There is no in-between. They do not seem to have a crippling debt or anything but they are someone with good money but no proper budgeting.

They will be going through the worst fight of their life with someone. It can either be friends or workplace drama. But whatever it is, it is about extreme competition. They will be trapped in this situation of extreme toxicity and the thing is, they do not realise that this situation is toxic. They are so driven to win that they will forget the world around them until their perspective starts to shift.

Matter of fact, this fight is what will teach them to be fiscally smarter. This fight will make them more grounded. More interesting is, they will be dealing with the after effects of cutting this situation out of their life when they meet you.

But I gotta tell you, this person is a real lover. I mean, the floral bouquets, the dates, the cards, the acts- everything is meticulously planned by them. They are a unicorn but you know it! Cause they don't realise that. For someone absolutely smart and smooth talking, this person is amazing at missing cues!

❤️ 💖 💝 💘❤️ 💖 💝 💘❤️ 💖 💝 💘❤️ 💖 💝 💘❤️ 💖 💝 💘

PILE 2: THE HARDWORKER

This person has no work boundaries. Like a serious workaholic. Or a recovering one anyway. They may have recently (I mean currently) discovered that all this working has caused them some health issues.

This person is on survival mode, right now. There is not much information on what is going on with them but one thing I can say is that it does not feel like breakup energy. They have had a tougher situation to deal with and it has put them in a place where they feel like they have to protect themselves because no one else will.

However, I am getting the energy of this person being a business owner or a high-level corporate hotshot. They are authoritative, demanding, borderline obsessive about keeping things a certain way and they are all about taking the attention of the room and putting it on themselves. They may not enjoy the attention but they know how to command it and leverage it.

This person loves travelling. One of their main motivations for earning big is to experince a lot of things and travel to a lot of places. They are very energetic on vacation. You will be surprised by this side of them when you guys are off together and you see them goofing off for the first time... because who is this person?

Their energy is different when they are on a break. They need your help to learn when to take a break. But this person is a true romantic at heart. They are more action oriented than big on words. They aren't the best gift givers but they are the best learners. You tell them what you want and they will deliver the world. They are the type whom you ask to bring a couple of flowers and they bring the freaking garden. (NOT THAT YOU HAVE TO ASK THEM TO BRING FLOWERS! THEY HAVE THAT MUCH SENSE)

This is someone who believes in the happily ever after for themselves. They will work really hard for career but harder for their relationship.

🍓🌸🌼💐🍓🌸🌼💐🍓🌸🌼💐🍓🌸🌼💐🍓🌸🌼💐🍓🌸🌼

PILE 3: THE SNEAKY ONE

Okay, so this person is complicated, to begin with. They can be a real asshole when it counts.

Okay, so some parts of the reading would be off putting. This person is a playboy/ girl. Or was after they met you. And, I would love to tell you that they stopped after they met you and you became the only one, but that's not really the case.

They used to have a lot of relationships and on the side. This person was a messy bitch who created drama and left off. But one day, it all blew up in their face. They had to deal with the consequences of what they did.

Which in turn gave them a pretty drastic personality lobotomy. Because they are not the person they used to be. They don't like talking about their past. This is a person who used to be super care free but isn't anymore. They are serious.

OMG= I got it. The tortured academic vibe. They tend to stress about being responsible and sometimes get scared if they try to let loose.

When you meet them, they will appear to be introverted and anti-social. This person is not very open. This relationship will progress slow and friends to lovers vibe is prominent.

They will be honest about their past though. They will tell you all of it because they don't want you finding stuff from third parties. Nor do they want a lot of fights. They try to avoid confrontations.

However, this part is especially interesting is that impact they will have on your life. One drastic change after the other. No joke. Death card followed by the Tower in this context of the reading.

This person will force you to acknowledge a lot of truths about yourself. The one standing out glaringly is if you are seeing slow, stable relationship as boring then, you have a lot to learn about relationships. Because everything turns boring, not just relationships. You just have to work to make it interesting!

The both of you will take a lot of time to think about things and progress slowly. You can almost imagine a couple sitting on the porch together, watching the sun go down with a glass of wine in hand. Both of them are in their own thoughts but as the lights go out, they turn their attention to the other. Both of you like the company and the peace it brings.

⭐✨🌟💫⭐✨🌟💫⭐✨🌟💫⭐✨🌟💫⭐✨🌟💫⭐✨

PILE 4: THE NEW ERA, NEW ME ONE

This person is going through a new era, new me scene when they meet you. They are open to date. They have finally moved on and they feel like they are ready to take on the world with their fresh perspective!

Just look at them being all cute and brimming with potential. It is like seeing a golden retriever jump around when they find out they can go outside, but when you open the balcony door, they will stand there like they cannot go outside. They need someone to help them with that. (I love goldens and they are smart but god they act dumb so many times!)

This person isn't solitary but they are a deep thinker. This is someone whom you can put in a very chaotic place and they will be all peaceful, not at all ruffled and thinking. Or observing. Whichever strikes their fancy. They can be a bit traditional. (Strong arranged marriage vibe here tbh or at least someone in the family sets up the date for you)

This person is up and coming. These people can be in the popular roles as well. Like influencers, actors, theatre, music, leaders, speakers- people who face cameras a lot.

Which is why they love their privacy too much. They may love the chaos, but they do not share personal info with just anyone. You have to be considered to be an integral part of their inner circle to access their energy.

This person will be on the roll, but they will need a push. They are ready but sometimes they need to be encouraged.

Also, this person loves to gossip. Masculine or feminine, they love to gossip with you. It is kind of their love language. They are a paradox. You are the one to figure them out though. A bit cheesy but they are a sucker for that, so it all works out?

This person is a social butterfly. Anything good happens for either of you, and they will be up to celebrate. They will be off to show the world about the milestone. But they will not ever reveal while you are working on the milestone. They are practical and proud.

🌹 🌻 🌷 🥀🌹 🌻 🌷 🥀🌹 🌻 🌷 🥀🌹 🌻 🌷 🥀🌹 🌻 🌷 🥀🌹 🌻

If you liked the reading, do like this post, reblog and comment on it. I would love to hear from you!

In the meanwhile do not forget to vote on the poll for the next reading! The poll closes in a week, so the reading will be delivered then.

I am not doing paid readings for intl. clients right now. But I can take on anyone who can pay through GPay. My PayPal situation is stuck and I think it will stay that way forever - their customer support has been no help either so that's where I am stuck.

BUT

I will do some free readings. I will post about this soon. So, don't be texting me about it all the time. I will have a set time for this one.

Bye!

🪐🌑☄️⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐🌑☄️⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐🌑☄️⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐🌑☄️⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐🌑☄️⋆⭒

[lesbian-shakespeare]

The thing about What We Do In The Shadows, which the finale (and hell the whole show) blatantly says over and over again and yet some people don't get, is that is this a true sitcom. The context will always be the same. The characters will always be the same. It's the relationships that change.

The show's been doing this since season 1. Any time they add in a status quo changing element, they resolve/undo it a season later. Jenna the Vampire and Nadja's human lover? They haven't been heard from since season 2. Guillermo killing all the vamps at the Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires? No one cared past the season 3 premiere. Colin dying and being reborn as a baby? He grew into an adult with no memory of his childhood by the end of the next season. Marwa and the Jinn? Forgotten after season 4. Guillermo becoming a vamp? He became human again 10 episodes later. It never changes.

But you know what did shift? How they feel about each other. Nadja and Laszlo started off season one on a rough patch in their marriage (and they'll definitely still have their ups and downs) but right now they're as strong as ever. Nadja has her dolly to confide in. Laszlo and Colin are now great friends/family and have one of the strongest relationships out of anyone on the show. No one could stand Colin in season 1 and he would constantly try to drain them, but now he's fully part of the family orgies. They still don't get Guillermo, but in season 1 no one had any respect for him. But now he's someone Nadja worries about and Nandor clearly loves him. The Baron and the Sire are family friends. Even the Guide has a place and is slowly becoming part of the family.

Do you really think season 1 Nadja would pick up on Guillermo's anxiety and tell Nandor to check in on him? Do you think season 1 Nandor would want to have Guillermo be equal partners with him and let him call him Nandor? Do you think season 1 Guillermo would have the self respect to even consider standing up for himself and talking back to them? Do you think the season one characters would want to have Colin hang out with them? Or have The Guide (and her head) in their house 24/7?

Guillermo's more confident. Nandor's more considerate. Nadja's more communicative. Laszlo's more sociable. Colin's more personable.

Vampires never change. They never grow or learn. But the found family can love and appreciate each other more and more. WWDITS is WWDITS, so of course they have to couch any authentic emotion in jokes and the monster trying to have sex with the taxidermy bear. But really the heart of show isn't the wacky situations they're put in. It's the core of them together. And the finale confirmed that they're going to be together forever, whether we watch or not. And that sounds pretty good to me.

[practicalgauntlet]

~You're still my person. Even if I'm not yours.~

Part two

"We kept crossing paths, near misses and almosts, when all I ever wanted was for us to collide." -Jessica Katoff

Synopsis - Some time has passed, and you think you've healed. But when you're shot by an unsub, old wounds are ripped open for all to see.

Category- Angst, hurt/comfort, happy ending.

Notes - Hurt/comfort, you get shot, Canon typical violence, blood and gore, angst, self-loathing, self-blaming, a year has passed between this and part one, gender-neutral reader (I only use They/Them pronouns because I know everyone likes Spencer not just the girlies), I'm so sorry this is so long, you're a trooper if you get through all of this. The fic started writing itself :/

A/N- this is for @bloodredrubyrose and everyone else who wanted the happy ending. I hope this is okay.

WARNING- This one-shot has violence similar to the cases in the show, but I wanted to bring attention to what transpires and is mentioned in this fic. The case revolves around murdered pregnant women and their fetuses. If the topic is too sensitive for you or can trigger anything, I suggest not reading this.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

A year has passed since J.J.'s wedding.

You still find yourself hurting, lying awake at night thinking of the possibility of "What if?". You still have to shake away the thoughts of inadequacy, of not good enough.

Sometimes, when you're particularly tired or inebriated, you find yourself still unable to look away from him.

It was three weeks and two days after the wedding when Spencer invited you to hang out with him again. It was a month, two weeks, and eleven hours when he greeted you with a genuine smile again.

It was eight months, three weeks, six days, and two hours when you felt like you could breathe again.

Everything was back to normal. It wasn't bright, shiny rainbows and glittery kittens like Penelope said it would be once you healed. But it was normal.

It was easier to ignore the festering pit in your stomach during the day, easier to look your team in the eye, say, "I'm okay." and mean it. It was easier to watch Spencer heal the same way you were.

You were so proud of him. It felt like your Spencer was back. His long-winded speeches about something that didn't seem relevant but ended up helping the case drastically, his magic tricks in the bullpen when Hotch was in his office, and his goofy authenticity. All of it was back, at least partially.

He still got quiet when J.J. was around and closed in on himself. But compared to those days after the wedding, he was making immense progress. You just wished he let you in so you could help.

"I don't think they're listening."

You barely hear Morgan's voice over the bubbling thoughts that threatened to take control and invade your mind.

"Oh, sugar they're definitely not listening."

Penelope's hand was slamming down on your desk, startling you out of your reverie.

"What's on your mind, honey pot?"

She asks, propping herself up on the table. With her quirked eyebrow and intense look in her eye, you knew what she was asking.

"Are you still hurting?"

She was right to be worried, right to involve herself in case you got worse again. But instead of thinking about Spencer and how you'll never be on the receiving end of his affectionate gaze, you were actually thinking about the case.

There was a lull in leads, the ones you had only took the team to a dead end. Dead body after dead body and still nothing.

"I'm fine, Pen. This case is just taking a lot out of me."

And it was true. The BAU had been called in because a dead body had been unearthed by a gardener somewhere East. A heavily pregnant woman had been murdered, her unborn child ripped from her body and buried with her.

It was horrifying, to say the least, the brutality of the unsub turning your breakfast sour. But it had been seven hours since the team landed in the small town, and you were still no closer to finding the culprit.

"Why don't we get something to eat, hmm?"

Penelope suggested, hopping off the table and holding out her hand for you.

"If you're getting food, get me a little somethin'. I'm in the mood for Chinese!"

Morgan yelled from across the room, his hip propped against the clear board Spencer was mumbling at.

"I guess we're getting Chinese."

You chuckle, standing up and following Penelope out of the makeshift conference room the local police allowed you to use. As you were passing Spencer, you turned to him and called his name.

"Do you want anything specific?"

He looks to you, eyes reluctantly leaving his equations as he's pulled from his thoughts.

"What?"

There was a surge of affection at the sight of his pursed lips and furrowed brows. The way his hands fiddled with the marker, clicking the lid on and off the end.

"We're getting the team Chinese takeout. Do you want anything?"

"Just a fork."

You nod your head, peeling yourself away from his attentive gaze. When you and Penelope get in the car, she places a hand on yours. You didn't take your eyes off the road, but you could tell that she was looking at you with that look again.

"How have you been, sugar?

It felt good to have someone watching over you, someone in your corner, to ask if you were okay even after time had passed and you were healed.

"I've been doing good."

She was the only one to know of your breakdown on Rossi's front porch. She was the only one you allowed to see what it did to you those weeks afterward. How depressed you were, how hopeless. Penelope Garcia was your best friend, and she was the only one to know you were still unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Spencer Reid.

"Are you sure about that? I know this case is a doozy but I know that look in your eye."

You briefly take your eyes off the road once you reach a red light, patting the hand that now rested comfortingly on your thigh.

"Yes, I'm fine. It doesn't feel like the world is ending anymore. Plus, life is unfair sometimes. I just need to roll with the punches."

She looked at you, her knowing eyes always privy to the storm that rolled beneath your skin. In one final attempt to comfort her worry, you flash her your most believable smile.

Penelope quirked an eyebrow and looked away, not at all convinced but persuaded to leave it be for the time being.

The trip for food was brief. You got various dishes in case the team was in the mood for a certain thing. You were back at the station within twenty minutes, walking into the conference room to something you never wanted to see.

Your team was gathered around the table, faces grim as they spoke towards the phone sitting in the middle.

"Another body..."

Penelope whispers, catching the eyes of Morgan as he shakes his head solemnly. Hotch was already giving the team their orders.

Morgan and Emily were dispatched to question the family as the local police had already ID'd the girl. She was a well-known and loved woman; she was a part of the PTA, led the neighborhood watch, and hosted bake sales for all parts of the community.

J.J. was asked to stay behind and deal with the journalists and news anchors that suddenly surrounded the station.

That left you and Spencer to follow up with the police at the scene of the crime. Spencer drove the two of you there, your knee bouncing in the passenger seat as you watched the scenery pass by.

"I don't get it..."

Spencer mumbles. When you look to him for an explanation he was already glancing at you.

"Why pregnant women? Why take the baby out and bury it with the mother? It makes no sense."

You flip down the visor, both because you need to get the sun out of your eyes and to do something with your hands.

"Maybe they're surrogates for his real target? A mother? Maybe he's upset at his mom and taking the baby is a way to give mercy to his inner child."

"Or maybe," Spencer counters, long fingers drumming on the steering wheel as he pulls into the crime scene. "They're surrogates for a wife."

The scene before you was gnarly. And unfortunately, the unsub had changed M.O.

The woman was buried in a shallow grave like the others, dressed in a thin white gown, poised perfectly like Snow White with her child tightly swaddled in a towel and tucked safely in her arms. The only difference was the lack of blood, the lack of brutality. That, and she had blonde hair whereas the other victims were brunettes.

"He's devolving."

You mutter, feeling sick at the sight of her.

"Or he's getting close to what he's wanting to do."

You look up at him from your squatted position, taking in Spencer in all his glory. He looked so good in his FBI vest, with his sweater and tie peeking out from the collar.

You shouldn't be thinking of him like that. Not when a woman and her child had lost their life and they lay decaying in front of you. Not when you should already be over him.

"What do you mean?"

"She looks perfectly preserved. Sure, she's laid out in the same outfit and the same position. The color and the way she's laid are meant to symbolize purity. So we know he isn't murdering for hatred. He feels sympathy for these women. But look at this,"

He crouches next to you, the movement sending your heart into overdrive. His sleeves were rolled up as he shoved his hands into some blue surgical gloves. You could even smell his cologne.

"Her hair," He picks up a strand. "Her hair had been styled. There's a texture to it that means he used hairspray. And while the others' hair was wild and unkempt, most likely because he kept them for some time or they fought back, her's is washed and curled."

"So we know this woman is a surrogate, but he's not acting on any sexual or vengeful impulse?"

Spencer turned to you, looking at you from above his sunglasses.

"I think we're ready to give the profile."

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

"We are looking for a white male in his mid to late thirties."

Morgan starts as he leans against one of the desks, his arms folded against his chest. Emily stepped up, continuing on as she stared each and every officer down to make sure they were taking this as seriously as it was.

"Look for someone who had recently lost a wife and child during the birth, someone who is most likely blue collar. He would have been a normal man up until his loss. Now, he would be agitated and easily riled up. Getting into fights or arguments when he normally wouldn't. "

You step in, delivering the line you rehearsed in your head over and over on the ride back to the station.

"He's kidnapping pregnant women so he could relive the birth. So he could hold his child and kiss his wife. But he's desperate, so he is taking the babies out prematurely and amateurly that neither victim survives. He would need a space to do all of this, a garage, a second home, or a place of work. Somewhere concealed enough to not draw attention but spacious enough to perform the c-section."

It was now Hotch's turn to deliver the final line of the profile.

"He will continue to take women until he gets what he wants. We need to make sure Kate Smith is his last victim."

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

You found him. Carl McGregor, a welder for a construction company. His wife of six years died giving birth to his child, and he went off the rails.

You sympathized with him, knowing that he was in so much pain. But that didn't excuse what he did to those poor women and the families they were a part of.

Carl was hiding out in his garage, a woman in the last week of her second trimester strapped to the table; screaming for help.

You were the first on the scene, your legs carrying you just a bit faster than the others. When you opened the garage door, you had to put every ounce of will not to tackle the guy to the ground.

"FBI! Put the scalpel down Carl!"

Carl was hovering over Debbie Park, a young mother of three and a half. He had her strapped to a makeshift stretcher and her terrified screams broke your heart.

"No!" Carl said with a crazed look in his eyes. "My wife is about to give birth, give her space!"

You lower your gun so the barrel isn't aimed straight at his skull but keep it raised just in case. When you spoke, you made sure you sounded as calm and understanding as possible.

"Carl, your wife died three weeks ago giving birth to your son. Let Debbie go so her husband doesn't experience the loss you did.

You don't know how or when Spencer made it into the garage but he suddenly appeared in the shadows, his gun aimed at Carl.

"No, please!" Carl was focused on you, his shaking hands still holding Debbie down. "This is my wife! Why are trying to take her away?"

You lower your gun entirely, feeling safe with Spencer there to have your back. You approached Carl slowly, keeping your body crouched as if you were approaching a scared and wounded animal. Because that's exactly what he was. A scared and wounded animal.

"Carl?" You put a hand on his shoulder. He winces but doesn't attack. "Debbie has a family, she has three kids and a husband who are worried sick about her. Do you want to put her husband and kids through the same pain you're feeling?"

It all happened so fast. First Carl was lunging at you, a gun you didn't know he had raised before you could pull your own. Debbie's screams mixed with yours as Spencer fired his gun and took Carl down.

There was a sharp sting to your chest, your right shoulder to be exact just under your collarbone. Upon Carl's death, his finger squeezed the trigger and put a bullet three inches from your heart.

Spencer was in front of you before you could collapse, cradling your head to save it from bashing against the concrete ground.

"I need a medic!"

Spencer yelled into his com, his face wild with worry as he pressed his hands into your wound.

It hurt, sending a blazing fire throughout your body. In the back of your mind, you heard yourself scream from the pain, your throat raw and ragged. Your hands uncontrollably gripped Spencer's vest, clutching him closer to you as you tried to breathe around the sharp, boiling pain.

"You're going to be okay, the medic is on his way."

Spencer's voice sounded far away, garbled and hazy like he was underwater. Panic soon tore across your body, thrumming through your veins as you tried to ignore the sticky warmth pooling through your shirt.

"No, no, stay with me. Stay with me please!"

You barely felt Spencer's cold hands patting your cheek. You had to say it now, as you were dying. This was your last chance to tell him how you feel. You already felt yourself slipping away.

"Spence..."

Your mouth felt so dry, your tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth. He was shaking above you, pulling your body into his lap as he rocked you back and forth.

"I'm here, I'm here. I'm not leaving, you'll be okay."

You felt he was saying that more for himself than he was for you.

It was hard to unfurl your fingers from his vest but you did it, lifting your hand to cradle his cheek. It was now or never.

"Before I die, I need you to know-"

"No!" Spencer seethed. You had never seen him so emotional before, so upset he looked feral. "You are not going to die! Where's my fucking medic?!"

"I need you to know, that I love you."

He smoothed his hands over your face, brushing the sweaty strands of hair away from your eyes. "I love you too, you're my best friend."

You let out a breathy, strangled, humourless chuckle. Of course he'd make you spell it out for him.

"I'm in love with you, Spencer..."

Black was edging your vision, your ears ringing as you watched Spencer blink once, twice, before the medic pushed him away.

Faintly you felt your body being moved, that white-hot pain once again rendering you speechless as you finally succumbed to the darkness that was calling to you.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Spencer couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Couldn't taste, or hear, or feel. Frantic, animalistic worry overpowered every other emotion. Logic be damned, facts be damned.

"Reid, calm down or you're gonna wear a hole in the floor."

"There is a high chance the bullet nicked a vital vein or artery. It took us fifteen minutes and thirty seconds to get them to the hospital and another six minutes for the doctors to start operating. There is a higher chance that they lost too much blood and will need a transfusion. If they need a transfusion there is a chance they could have a Febrile non-hemolytic transfusion reaction or a Transfusion-related acute lung injury. There are so many possibilities to think over and every time I think I've found a way to stop them another one pops up. Do not tell me to calm down!"

Morgan backed off, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"My bad, man."

Emily was next to approach him and he had to look away from the worry on her face.

"Only thinking about what could go wrong will only cause you more stress. Maybe you should go home and take a shower."

"Stop telling me what to do."

He didn't recognize his voice, and he knew his friends didn't recognize him. So he backed off, settling himself in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, and put his head in his hands.

Emily was right. Derek was right. But if he thought about anything other than the complications that could take you away from him all he would focus on were the last words you uttered before blacking out.

"I'm in love with you, Spencer."

He didn't know what to do with that information. After J.J. he didn't allow himself to even look a second longer at someone that was out of his league. Which was everyone. Especially you.

You were so kind and gentle with him. You let him go on his rants, asking him to finish what he was saying if the team not so subtly told him to shut up or bluntly interrupted him. You loved his endless facts and knowledge and you told him often.

You were like a beacon of light when you entered the room, his gaze unconsciously looking for you wherever he was. You were his best friend; you knew everything about him and still treated him like a human being. Not some computer, not some freak.

Spencer let out a shaky breath, adrenaline still pumping through his veins. His hands were shaky and he couldn't keep still to save his life. He had never felt like this before, not when a gun was pointed in his face, not when the bureau was infiltrated. Not even when Emily was in the hospital.

He'd never been this scared shitless before.

And then it hit him.

He was in love with you.

He had been for a while. Maybe after J.J., maybe before. Spencer didn't know when it happened or how deeply it had been buried. All he knew was that it was now so fucking obvious.

It felt so natural. He had always thought you were going to be a permanent fixture in his life. Always thought that you'd be a phone call away when he needed you and he'd be the same. Whenever he thought of something you were always there, in the back of his mind like you belonged there.

He faintly heard a commotion, the sound of chairs scraping against the ground and footsteps running away. He looked up from the floor, his body fuzzy from the realization.

Spencer bolted from his seat the moment he saw the doctor standing in front of his team. He gently shoved aside Morgan and J.J. needing to hear the news as close as possible.

"They're stable and awake. It had just barely missed their heart, but they will heal with no permanent damage."

Spencer could have dropped to his knees with relief, his body sagging and his lungs deflating.

"Can I- we see them?"

"Of course, but we still need to take their vitals frequently. And a room full of people would not be best stress-wise so I suggest one to two people at a time."

Morgan clapped him on the back, a knowing look on his face before shoving him forward.

"We're going to get something to eat. You check on our sunshine."

After all the attitude he threw their way, he was dumbfounded that they would give him such a precious opportunity.

"Thank you,"

"No problem, Pretty Boy."

When Spencer entered your room, it was like he walked into a different reality. You were usually so bright and shining, carving a path of light and kindness wherever you stepped, but now you were lifeless. The tubes and wires hooked up to you made you look so uninhabited; pale, and sickly from the blood loss.

Spencer approached the bed, being careful not to make any noise that would startle you awake. Your eyes were closed and he assumed you were probably in and out of consciousness due to the pain meds they were pumping into you.

He hated seeing you like this.

"Spence?"

He hadn't realized you had awoken, too focused on all the machinery you were hooked up to.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Spencer didn't know what to do with his body so he just stood there, willing his emotions into submission and picking at the skin of his thumbs.

"I feel like I just got hit by a train."

You groan and he is at your side immediately, checking the monitors and making sure your pain meds are working. They were, but he needed to make sure.

"What no fact about processing pain or how it affects the body?"

You were looking up at him now, a pained but genuine smile on your face. In the hour that he worried relentlessly about you, he feared he'd never see that again.

That smile faded into something akin to concern when he didn't respond.

"What's wrong Spence?"

"I thought you were going to die."

He sounded so small, even to his own ears. Weak, scared. Like a child.

You waved him over closer, and he listened. If you told him to, he would follow you to the ends of the earth. It surprised him when you grabbed his hand and placed it over your heart, the roughness of the gauze grazing his shaking fingers. He tried to pull away, but you kept him there so he could feel your heartbeat.

"I'm still here, Spencer. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Do you-" He couldn't stand not knowing anymore. The probability of people saying things they didn't mean while bleeding out was too high for him to think clearly any longer. "Do you remember what you said to me?"

He watched your face turn sad, your lips turn inward and your eyes drop to the hospital-grade blanket. You also dropped his hand, the limb numbly swinging back by his side.

"Yes," You refused to look at him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put you in that situation, it was unfair of me."

"No, I-"

"I understand if I've ruined everything. I don't blame you if you don't want to be friends anymore."

Before he could think and rehearse a thought-out sentence, his mouth moved and spoke for him. "I don't want to be friends."

He realized his mistake not a second later. And to make up for it, to take away the pain on your face, he gently grabbed your chin and made you look at him.

"I love you too, so much so that the idea of you dying turned me into an illogical and emotional mess."

Tears lined your wide eyes as you stared up at him, your cheeks regaining some color. Now that he's said it out loud, he couldn't keep his mouth shut even if he tried.

"I love you so much, that I want to take away all your pain. All the bad memories and shitty feelings that take away that pretty smile. I'd do anything for you."

You reached up and cupped his cheek, much like hours before, your lip quivering.

"I'd do anything for you too, Spence."

"I know."

It felt natural to kiss your forehead, to settle into the small hospital bed, and tuck you gently into his side. It felt natural to, days later after you were discharged, take you on a proper date and call you his.

A/N- Realistically I know there would be more turmoil, less trust, and more self-doubt during the confession part but this is fiction of fiction so let's just pretend okay:) I'll save that stuff for the full-length stuff. Also along the lines of reality, I know that there is such a thing as a bulletproof vest, but I needed drama so forgive me.

[fishnapple]

CRYSTAL READING: How does a healthy love for you feel like ?

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Feedback is much appreciated ❤️

About me | Masterpost

Buy me a drink or book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

1. Agate

🎐Your energy when you are in a healthy relationship: Bear

This is the love that elevates your spirit.

There is no restriction or confusion. You will know this love for what it is, without any doubt of where you stand in the connection.

Something feels so sure yet so exhilarating and free.

You will feel brave and curious. Your inner child will be given freedom to roam and explore without restriction, similar to The Fool energy in Tarot. You may not notice it immediately, but your speech and actions will gradually show more joy. Others may notice that you are taking interest in more hobbies and creative pursuit, you are more open to the joy and silliness of life. Like a bear waking up to a verdant spring after a long winter hibernation.

You will feel expansive, this love encourages you to look for a deeper meaning in life, to imbue the road that you walk with more love and share your light with more people, you could even find yourself be more sociable and more willing to go to social events.

Oddly enough, even though this love feels exciting, changeable and passionate, not too much grounded and predictable, it will build a solid foundation for you, you will feel so safe and stable in yourself amidst life's changes so much that you can face hardships in the world with an open and optimistic attitude.

This love will be gentle but firm at the same time. You may feel triggered sometimes by it. It will make you look deeply into yourself and shed light on the fears that you have concerning relationships. You might even feel reluctant at first to accept this love, but with time, you will address those fears and ready to be transformed. Your demeanour and outward appearance will change. Some could be quite drastically, a more open posture, smiles appear more frequently, a certain quiet confident about your sexuality that creates charisma.

This will be the love that makes you feel like a child again but not small. Tomorrow will always feel brighter and worth looking forward to.

2. Carnelian

🎐Your energy when you are in a healthy relationship: Gazelle

A love that can keep you on your toes, not in a hyper vigilant way because you feel insecure or worry, but more like the kind that keeps you from stagnation.

This will be the love that allows you to leave your mental restrictions behind and strive for something higher, with more meaning. This love gives you ambition. Your passion will be felt by everyone. People can clearly see that you are following your desire and ideals for something higher, more fulfilling, almost like you have found your own meaning of life.

I see two parallel lines of stones. You will be able to harmonise contradictory parts in yourself and make them walk side by side. Something feels dualistic, some parts of you may be more on the dominant and active, while some parts are more soft and submissive, gentle yet intense, connecting yet detached, overall your feminine and masculine energy will be quite balanced.

This love will give you the opportunity to explore your sexuality more. You can be both the student and the teacher, willing to learn and to try new experiences. Some of you may had some fear about submitting yourself to someone, to love in the past, because you were scared that you would lose yourself, boundaries would be breached, you couldn't ground the relationship. But not with this love, you will realise that when you're with someone, you don't have to loose your identity, you can just be your most authentic self, just like the child in The Sun Tarot card.

There is no shame and barriers, communication about intimacy will be open, you will feel comfortable talking about things that you considered taboo before, secrets will be easily shared without fear of ridicule and betrayal of trust.

3. Flourite

🎐Your energy when you are in a healthy relationship: Phoenix

A healthy love for you will feel like good karma, a treasure found after a long arduous journey. The kind that no matter how many hardship you and your lover have to face, the love remains, it burns through all and rise again, not in the destructive way but in the purifying way, always burn bright even in the darkest hours. There may be a certain Plutonic influence in your relationship.

This will be the love that forces you to put down your egos to let the hearts do the talking. I used the word "force" because it would not be easy. You will come to understand that behind every stubborn remark, every rigid mental stance is a kind of vulnerability and insecurities lurking in the shadow, and you will learn to address that in a more calm, rational way. A healthy love for you is the one that bridges you and your lover's hearts and minds to see each other's strengths and weaknesses without judgement and resistance.

This love will also help you purify your social connections, to see clearly who is healthy for you, who is not and break out of the society's confinement of roles and images.

It's like a healthy love will help you build more healthy relationships with others. Sometimes, you will have to face your own loneliness and learn to be alone. A certain isolation is much needed sometimes to reevaluate your values and to rest and recharge. This love will allow you to have space without the worry of abandonment.

4. Aventurine

🎐Your energy when you are in a healthy relationship: Horse

Some of you may have a small social circle, or your life was uneventful, the energy feel reserved, introverted, and keep to oneself. Like some barrier was erected around you, maybe to keep you safe at first, but after some time, it could keep you from expanding your life more. I feel like this barrier could be from your family, your community's consensus, from people that older than you and want to take care of you, but they have lots of distrust and fears for the world, and that fears could affect you subconsciously, making you more fearful of life. The stone of mercury, mars, and soul are all on the edge of the circle, so ready to break out, but the circle is surrounded by the stone of saturn, fear, moon, and neptune.

A healthy love for you will be the one that somehow liberate you, make you feel more free, like the horse energy, you will want to ride on the horse's back to explore a world larger than your previous known one. As I was doing your reading, I felt the urge to just stand up and move around. Maybe you would also feel more active with this love.

You will want to stand in your own light and be an individual instead of just a part of a crowd. This love could even instil some rebellious spirit in you, making you question the social beliefs.

Before, you life may just revolved around a small space (figuratively and literally), with this love, you will learn to still stay firm and safe in yourself but be able to give out love to many more people. Others will also be able to sense this change in you. You will have a glow from inner contentment and open spirit. I see a gentle wind curving around on an open field.

Love.

[erogenousmind]

Conversational

What if every time we spoke, you found yourself drifting off for me? If every conversation left you dazed. If it became second nature for your mind to switch off because I was speaking to you.

You had let it be known how exciting you found being hypnotized covertly. How thrilling you found conversational inductions. And it is such an exciting idea. Knowing that you can never be sure you aren't being lured down into trance. That your surrender can leak out of the frame of formal hypnosis. That any time could be the right time to drop for me.

And you take to it so well, don't you? You find yourself drifting back into conversations, unsure of what we are talking about. Or catching yourself nodding along to my words, feeling so agreeable. Knowing that you can just listen and follow. And if I tell you its alright to let go, you find it so easy to do just that. Maybe later you realize what was happening. Or maybe your mind starts getting fuzzy again when you try to think back on it.

But you wonder if it has gone too far. You become dimly aware between our talks that you've let yourself be conditioned. When we are talking, of course, it's too difficult to think about much of anything but what you are being told. But other times you can be aware that a link has formed in your mind. The way I talk to you falls so naturally into those patterns that you respond to. Every exchange, you feel the pull of my words, always encouraging you deeper. And it feels so right. It feels so perfect to float away when I'm speaking. You don't need to think. I will think for you.

And the two become the same thing in your mind. I am speaking. You are in trance. Any dialogue of more than a few words, and you feel your thoughts dripping away. You can still respond of course. Usually. Telling me things you think I need to know. Ideas you wanted to convey. You get to share yourself with me fully. But it's always within that haze of submission. Until the act of saying "hello" becomes a trigger.

And part of you might worry about what that means. How weak you must be. How vulnerable you become if every time I speak to you, you feel your free will floating away, replaced by that drifty need to listen and obey. But then you see how it builds trust. How effortlessly you come to rely on me when we are together. You can't think for yourself, can't make decisions. So I decide for you. When we are together everything automatically feels so easy. You just do as you are told. You follow. You sink deeper. And it's intoxicating how comfortable that becomes. You look forward to every interaction because you know you get to turn your mind off. Because you know you won't have a choice.

And the longer our interactions grow, the more natural it feels to just stop thinking entirely. You wake up next to me, finding yourself gazing into my eyes. And by the time the words reach your ears, you are already sinking deeper. Days pass with you drifting so easily under my hypnotic spell. When necessity parts us, for even a moment, lucidity begins to return.

And you find yourself desperate to get back to my side. Eager to fall down at my feet. To hear me speak again so that you can go back to being your best self.

More structured inductions still occur of course. But they take you to a place of such profound surrender, that trying to reflect on them is like staring into an abyss. Hypnotized has become a part of who you are when you are with me. And it is the part that feels the most authentic.

So if you find yourself getting lost in some conversation we share, know that it's perfectly alright. Everything is happening exactly as we want it to. You can let my words wrap up your thoughts and feel your conscious mind fading away. You don't need to think for yourself when I'm here to think for you. And you are getting used to the feeling of always being entranced by me. Learning to love it. Learning to crave it.

You are learning to always be under my spell.

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: what’s grounding you and what’s growing?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what kind of easter eggs is the universe leaving for you?

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pile 1

ground: you may be finding yourself grounded in a process of emotional transformation. what’s keeping you rooted may be a need to leave behind something that once provided comfort or security but has since become stagnant/unsatisfying. you may have a desire to pursue a more authentic path, whether that’s within relationships, career, and/or spiritual growth. you may be finding stability by embracing change and allowing yourself to release the old to make space for something more fulfilling.

growth: something new is beginning to take shape, whether it’s a spark of inspiration, a fresh project, and/or an adventurous new phase in life. embrace this growing energy with excitement and optimism. there may be a sense of eagerness to explore and express themselves in new ways, and the cards suggest that you are in the early stages of something that could lead to great personal development.

pile 2

ground: you are anchored in a sense of faith and trust, either in yourself or in the universe. it could also indicate that you are in a phase of emotional or spiritual recovery, allowing you to heal from past wounds. what grounds them now is a deeper sense of purpose or hope, which helps you stay centered and calm. there is a quiet, internal knowing / intuition that provides stability, reminding you that your higher self or divine guidance is always with you, helping you to stay aligned.

growth: you are on the verge of a breakthrough or are about to embark on a more determined/focused journey. what’s growing in your life is the drive and momentum to move forward with purpose. whether it’s your personal goals, a new project, or a journey of self-discovery, you are gaining the courage and strength to overcome any challenges ahead. what’s growing is the ability to focus your energy and make progress toward your ambitions, no matter the obstacles.

pile 3

ground: you may be grounding yourself by opening up to new experiences and perspectives. you are moving away from a place of emotional apathy or discontent and beginning to engage more fully with life. the grounding energy is a renewed interest in the present moment, seeing things with fresh eyes, and accepting new emotional/spiritual offerings. you may be overcoming a period of emotional withdrawal or resistance to change, which is allowing you to embrace what’s now available to you - new emotional growth and opportunities for connection.

growth: the ability to gradual overcome your fears and anxieties. you may be starting to find peace after a period of intense mental turmoil. it’s a positive sign that you’re moving away from the grip of worry and embracing a more peaceful state of mind. what’s growing is a healthier, more balanced mindset, and you are beginning to take control of your thoughts rather than allowing them to control you.

[bvidzsoo]

Stern, but sweet

✎ Teacher!San ✎

TW: nothing, just San being soft and hansome

Word count: 1.2k

A/N: Helleur, lovelies! As you can see, those pictures are from San's latest YouTube live, which means I was inspired by it (dies). Also, it's the first time San bias wrecked me and I sincerely hope it stays that way, I've already got 3 official wreckers (dies again). Idk what this is, but he gave me cute aggression and at the same time the need to crawl up a wall...how is that possible? Anyways, enjoy, feedback is always welcomed!

so, you had been working at this school for a year now and you absolutely loved your job

the kids are lovely and you happened to grow attached to them quite fast, wanting to ensure they got the adequate education

but when it comes to your colleagues, well, they are quite boring

most of them are well past the age of 40 and they prefer going straight home after work, most of times refusing your invitations for a dinner between co-workers

and it also doesn't help much that you're a lot younger than most, making you feel left out when you hear them conversing about topics that you're either not interested in or just simply don't understand, like: raising children and maintaining a family at home

but when one of the homeroom teacher moves away and the school is in a frenzy to find someone fit for the job, a man around your age seems to confidently accept the challenge

Choi San, is his name

and my lord, when I tell you he's absolutely ravishing with his sharp eyes and soft looking skin

he looks like someone who would discipline you at the slightest misbehavior, and you don't know how to feel about it at first

but then he smiles and those cute dimples in his cheeks make you absolutely swoon over him, his aura so warm and lovely

you've come to know that Choi San is a man with a colorful personality

in his own class, he's very authoritative and stern, he doesn't allow his students to slack, and he doesn't accept any excuses as to why they haven't done their math homework

but San is an amazing teacher, and despite his subject being math, which many students tend to hate, those who he teaches just simply can't wait for his class to come

despite being stern and quite serious, he always cracks harmless jokes while explaining the hardest equations and theories, lightening the mood, and also helping the students focus

they love San in and outside of the classroom

whenever they have a problem, they know they can go to him as he will listen, giving them smart advice instead of rolling his eyes at them and telling them to get lost (like their last homeroom teacher had done so many times)

when there's a conflict, he first listens to both sides and then comes up with a solution (or punishment) that is fair and doesn't favor a student (like their previous homeroom teacher had done quite often)

but San, with his positive and warm energy, seems to also light up your office, the grumpy older teachers laughing a bit more often, a lot more open-minded with San here now

and well, you're a simple woman and you can't really help yourself when you start swooning over him (of course, when he's not watching you or paying attention to you) about just how perfect, and dreamy, he actually is

San was the one to approach you, and you quite liked that as he talked to you freely as if you had known each other for ages

you feel your most authentic self around him, never having to worry that he'll judge you or make fun of you behind your back (like you have caught a few of your fellow co-workers doing so before)

and seriously, San is just so good with children, that you can't help yourself as you develop a crush on him rapidly

and you hope he doesn't notice the way you gaze at him longingly when he's explaining something thoroughly to his students, or pats them on the head as encouragement, or even brings them candy so he can give it as a reward when they excel on their tests

and you certainly hope he doesn't see the way you stare at him for minutes at a time when you're both in your office, your cubicles next to each other, him busy typing on his computer and you busy...well staring at San

and you definitely do not absolutely die when one Friday he asks if you're doing anything later that night, eager to go to the new Amusement Park, saying he was thinking of inviting a few other colleagues as well since he's on good terms with them

you hate Amusement Parks, but if San loves them, well...you might grow to dislike them a little less

and so you definitely do not dress up all cute and spend two hours on your makeup and hair just because San invited you (and your colleagues, but you tend to ignore that part) out

what the two of you absolutely do not expect is for your colleagues to bail on you last minute, all of them saying the same excuse, "something came up, but we should go next time"

and perhaps you die a little on the inside, because you suddenly realize just how of an awkward person the both of you are, blushing and quickly avoiding eye contact when you catch the other one already looking

you don't want to tell San that you're afraid of heights and anything that goes with high speed when he points excitedly at the large roller-coaster, telling you how he's been waiting all day to go on it

you say nothing, you suck it up, because you're an adult and this is your work crush, and perhaps because the way San has been paying attention to you all evening, keeping people away from your body in the crowd as you moved around, or how without touching you, would hold his arm out behind your back when someone walked too close, made you feel rather comfortable in his presence

so, you brace yourself for the ride and certainly don't tremble as San helps you inside the cabin, sitting down next to you

once you're tied up and secured inside of it, is when you start praying to all Gods to give you strength so that you don't lose your mind during the ride

what you don't expect is San noticing how nervous and pale you are, grabbing your hand and interlacing your fingers with his as the ride takes off, making you clutch onto his hand for dear life

and the ride is so much fun that you're surprised how much you're enjoying it, but perhaps it's also because San keeps making you laugh and keeps talking to you, holding onto you

what you don't expect, once again, is him not letting go of your hand once you get off the ride, and instead he pulls you towards a photobooth, saying he wants to commemorate tonight's 'date'

oh, and you certainly don't faint when San decides to press a kiss against your cheek as the camera goes off for the last photo

seems like your work crush was crushing back on you, huh?

(seems like all of your coworkers knew about it and cancelled last minute on purpose as they've been secretly shipping the two of you and making bets about when you'd finally start dating)

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[sucker-for-yanderes]

Simon Henrikkson x f!reader

Contains: noncon/dubcon, self-harm, drugging and mentions of substance abuse, hate sex/revenge sex turned sweet, somnophilia (Simon fucks you when you're blacked out), angst, murder, violence, past bullying, both Simon and reader suffer childhood trauma, schizophrenic Simon listening to a voice in his head (Book Simon)

Simon snapped that day. He denied that you abandoned him, but it was all just too much for him to handle at once... The overwhelming feeling of everything falling apart was too much for poor Simon to bare. And since then, that voice in his head has been stringing Simon along like a puppet. Filling his head with corrupted thoughts and imagery.

Looking out the window of the classroom, the teacher's voice became muffled due to worrisome thoughts drowning out everything else. Where is Simon? You wondered. It's been two weeks and every passing day your heart continued to sink in your chest bit by bit.

Wait, but why do you care? It's been 2 years. You guys don't even talk anymore, you're not close. Not like that, anyways. Or so, that's what you thought. You had undermined your relationship it seems, along with yourself. Idiot.

That's what you always do. Always denying possibilities to immediately be false, not putting in any effort at all even when it could've been. All because you think of yourself so poorly that you believe you do not deserve love and therefore brush off any 'foolish' thoughts that anyone could see you as more than a friend.

You reflected on how everything started, back when the two of you met.

It was high school and you two were the only juniors in the intro to zoology and botany class. Truth be told, you were nervous to be partnered up with a boy, but I mean he was the only person in your grade. You sure as hell didn't want to partner up with the younger classmates, you'd be doing all the work while they goofed off. Plus, Simon made for a good lab partner. Always making sure he did his part, even offering to do some of your work too despite being just as unsure of the assignment as you were.

Working with him during lab, you'd get a better look at him close up. Despite what everyone else says about him, you actually thought he was kind of cute. Attractive. He just didn't bother to take care of himself for some reason.

He was taller than you, pale ivory skin mixed well with his dark features, and he even had a nice scent to him despite the musk. There was a time when the two of you reached for the same beaker and accidentally grabbed each other's hands. But the moment the two of you touched, your heart skipped a beat. It shocked you. Of course, the two of you quickly pulled back, awkwardly spewing out apologies followed by bashful laughing.

Sure, he was quiet and not the most socially inept, but you found that charming. Simon was authentic to the core, not trying to be anyone else. So, you weren't sure why he was always the target of torment from others in your grade.

You felt terrible, seeing the way it affected him. You always got a bad vibe when he would come to class late, constantly zoning out, and it especially worried you on days where he wouldn't say a peep to you or anyone for that matter. There was even a time where you caught a glimpse of his wrist when he went to grab something off of a shelf you couldn't reach.

You held back your gasp, swallowing it down your throat. You felt yourself shrink inside you. The state of it was just... you'd never seen self inflicted wounds look like... that. It was jagged fresh cuts on top of older ones, his once ivory skin discolored into brown hyperpigmentation from the scarring that spanned so far on his arm.

You were sick to your stomach. But what could you do? You weren't made for confrontation, Simon would only continue to get the same treatment or even worse if you did say something. You didn't want to overstep your boundaries either... I mean, who exactly were you? What did Simon think of you? Wouldn't it be weird for someone superficial to get involved in something so personal? You figured you'd just make things worse if you tried to help, that's how things usually go for you...

So, in other words... You played the role of the bystander. Your biggest regret, your biggest mistake. The only thing you could do for him was simply be there... sometimes.

But when the tormentors saw you and Simon in the halls walking out of class laughing it up together, they sought to ruin that for him too. Simon's bullies targeted you, they considered you his little girlfriend with the way he looks at you. That's when you stopped being there for Simon at all. They had gotten you too, and he didn't even know it...

When you only talked to him about school related things and shut him out completely outside of that, he found himself falling apart. Not you too, he thought to himself. Dark thoughts manifesting in his head. She hates you too. Look at what you did, Simon, you made her leave just like everyone else in your miserable life.

.

.

.

You managed to get through the rest of the semester, passing your classes with flying colors. And now it was summer break, you'd go back to your family's hometown for the summer. Simon spent the summer doing his own thing. He tended to wander around the city, you'd think he was homeless if you didn't know him.

Well, truth is, he hasn't ever felt at home in his life. Never feeling accepted or safe, anywhere. He feels as though the stone-cold streets of the city accepted him. And so he wandered and wandered, doing who knows what. Not even he knew what the fuck he was doing or going on.

His mental health had deteriorated significantly that summer and that voice in his head became louder over time. Instructing Simon to get revenge on those who made his life this way. I know you're sick of feeling like you're the one to blame, so take revenge. The voice would say to him. This inner turmoil and tug of war for sanity would go on for quite some time.

Until finally.

Snap

He's tracked you down, has you cornered. There was no escaping Simon's wrath. Though, you had no idea you were on his shit list. You were genuinely surprised to see him after all this time. He... looked somewhat the same. You don't look tired like him, even though he feels you should be. Your eyes softened, it made you sad to see the state Simon was in. Though as morbid as it sounds, you felt some relief seeing that he hasn't killed himself yet either, as that was always a fear of yours ever since you discovered his suffering back then.

Simon considers letting you go for a moment. He could still turn back and carry on with his life, change for the better... No, he knows that won't be possible. It's now or sometime later, he might as well get it out of the way and incite his revenge now. Vicious, brutal, savage revenge with malice aforethought.

You stood there like a deer in headlights, looking up at him with wide doe eyes as he crept closer. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. You asked him what he wanted and if you could help him. Simon opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

Before he violently ended the lives of his tormenters he squeezed an apology from them as he watched the life slowly drain out of them, but what he wanted from you wasn't anything so simple that it could be expressed solely with words. No, that just wouldn't do the trick.

He would show you instead.

Simon reached out a tattered hand, only to hesitate, realizing how ugly it was compared to you. He was stuck on grasping how much smaller you look compared to him now. Within a moment's notice, there he was.

With unknown intentions, he had overpowered you, covering your mouth with his gloved hand while he carried you to the nearest alley where no one could find the two of you no matter how much noise you made.

Simon felt thankful in this moment that this was a dead city. The population was so low, it's not even normal to see more than 6 people in the streets at the busiest hours of the day.

Suddenly, Simon had your softer, fragile body tightly pressed up against the hard brick walls of the building lining the alleyway. You begged him to tell you what's wrong so you can fix it, asking what you did to deserve this. Simon goes on to say he wants to make you feel what he felt back then. To let you know what it's like to be beaten, to feel crushed, and utterly alone.

It's clear what he wants now. It's punishment. In your newfound fear, you cry as you beseech him to give you the answer to why. "Why punish me?" You'd asked him. Simon only feels more anger bubbling up as the voice in his head tells him you're trying to deny what you did all those years back. You abandoned him... Left him to be swallowed up by loneliness again. You... you did... You were wrong.

He would punish you for your cruel sin, make you beg for his forgiveness. For the mercy you never had the grace of showing him. Only, he would. Just when you're at your lowest, he'll extend a hand, kiss your forehead, and absolve you of sin. Because he's better than you. Yes, that's what he wants.

He'll bully you to see how you like it, and you'll see how wrong you were to abandon him even when he went through horrible horrible things. Simon would bask in your voice when you cry out that you don't deserve him and his kindness, for you to admit that you were wrong to ever leave him.

Simon watches the moonlight spill from the sky after a cloud reveals it hit your skin. He hastily removes your clothing, jerking you different ways while doing so. Your pleads fall on deaf ears at this point as you try to explain your side of the story, struggling against his forceful movements. You had more than enough time to explain, and now Simon determined you've made it clear how you feel about him. But he would prove you wrong. Make you realize your feelings for him. Even if he has to do it by means of force. You'll never leave his side again.

Simon grabs your jaw, crashing his lips into yours, his teeth pushed into yours from the force he put behind his kiss. His kisses were animalistic, as if he were trying to eat you instead of kiss you. Fear filled your body as Simon turned something that lovers do into something malicious. He even bit your lip to the point of drawing blood. You cringed at the taste of iron in your mouth. Bringing a hand to wipe away the blood, Simon intercepts it, pinning it above your head as you look up at him with blood stained lips. He always thought you were pretty, but right now he adored this version. A lazy smile crept up on his face.

You wince from the pain of your head, your restrained hand, and from the feeling of being pressed so hard up against a brick wall. And suddenly, a potent rag was brought to your face, fearful eyes looking up at Simon. Of course, you were out like a light within seconds. Simon caught you in his arms with fraudulent nobility.

The scene changes to Simon's room. It would be almost empty if not for the small messes here and there along with his bed. Simon carefully set you down on the bed as if he were prince and you, a princess. As much as he wanted to throw you down, Simon held himself back.

Your shirt ripped in his grasp where he churned the fabric in his fist, knuckles white in their strain. It's only until then when Simon slips off your clothes stripping you naked that he sees the abuse your body had endured along with the identical scarring he has on his wrists on your upper thighs. After pausing, Simon's expression turned solemn. Only for a second. No matter. Good. You deserved it. You couldn't possibly feel what he's been feeling. You probably just did that for attention, he curses the thought as he knows you better than that. You'd never once seeked for attention in your life.

Right now, he wanted to feel you. It'd been so long, he hadn't realized how much he had missed you until his body started reacting to your touch despite never feeling it besides the accidental brushing up against each other or awkward side hugs. His demeanor softened the more he touched you while yet remaining domineering despite his newfound gentleness.

Watchful eyes locked on to you, observing your reactions when he touched you here, right here, and here too. Your body reacted very nicely to his touch even in your sleepy, drugged up state. He'd like to keep you at home, all to himself. He'd chain you up and keep you in his basement if that's what it took.

His horrible thoughts had manifested a reality Simon didn't know he wanted. This ever-consuming obsession with you had gotten the best of him. Simon remembers the times he would pump his length vigorously whilst imagining grim fantasies of capturing you. Fantasies of how he would punish you for your crimes against him. For making him fall in love with you and then just abandoning him like he were trash, making you grovel in the dirt. Even still, he'd even had softer fantasies of rescuing you from evildoers, only for you to cry and cling to him, never letting go.

Maybe he could still salvage the real you. Because the real you would've never abandoned him... Never. You wouldn't... Simon continues his inner battle of morality and sanity as he runs his larger and worn hands all over your plush skin, much warmer than his. He was sure to leave bruises on you as the more he touched you, the more intense he felt. Fearing that if he let you go, you'd leave him for good.

Heart pounding heavy, Simon had discarded his clothing and laid up against you skin to skin. The muscles of his upper body flexed with contained rage as he hovered himself above your bare naked body. With that, he began gliding his hands on you. Gentle, at first. And then, not so gentle. His hands meet your neck, to which his grasp tightens and tightens and tightens some more. Your body squirms in reaction, barely conscious. Simon observes the skin he had touched turn red. So sensitive. Now, you were beginning to come into consciousness, eyelids barely lifting despite trying so hard, trying to be alert. Your chest tightens with anticipation when you realize you're in the nude under Simon, who was bare as well. He was so close, closer than you've been with anyone. You feel a foreign heat between your legs, and it's poking at you. With a gulp, your eyes turn back to look at Simon, pleading with him to stop now. Of course he recognized that look, what it meant. He would not oblige.

You whine at his unforgiving touch as Simon continues to touch you. His hot breath puffing out onto your face where you trembled from the soul-seeking coldness in his eyes. You'd never seen him this needy, this inability to hold back. It terrified you, your weak hands pushing on him in a pathetic scramble, to which he was unbothered by. In fact, he loved it. He found himself wanting you to resist him. It only gives him all the more reason to punish you.

With an evil grin, Simon dips his course, long middle finger up into your already slick cunt. You fail holding back slurred out moans, the sound falling so beautifully on Simon's ears. Another sound filled the room, the squish and squelch of your slit being abused by Simon and his moans of anticipation. Just when you're on the edge of something good, he stops.

Simon wastes no time.

"Ah!" You're yelping when Simon bites down harshly on the tender crook of your neck, hard enough to draw blood. Simon's hips hit you with a lewd thwack! The pain was overwhelming, tears streaming down your cheeks. You try to scratch your assailant, dig your fingers into his skin (--though, that would only make him grin), but when you try to, it seems like your arms are so heavy. The most you can do is make measly efforts push him away. Simon chuckles darkly, humored by your thought that you could really stop him. How cute.

You couldn't believe this was Simon.

Simon is practically drooling when the vicious curve of his fat tip draws relentless glides across your g-spot, mapping you from the inside out. Thrusting precariously on top of him while he fucked you over and over-

There's a low, sultry growl coming from the very depths of his chest when Simon's pulling out ever-so-slightly. His vice-like hold around your neck tightens even more, breath puffing in raggedy hot pants against your cheek.

He's gripping the angry red tip of his cock, moving down the shaft to the base, giving the peak of your puffed-up clit a stinging smack! smack! smack! with the very tip of his thick, hot head.

And your slimy pussy just coats his throbbing cock in a milky gloss of cum. Your slick saturated his dick down to form a creamy ring at the very bottom of his thick hilt. As soon as Simon finishes bullying his length back in between your sopping wet pussy lips, he just throws his head back, half-lidded eyes swirling with rageful lust.

He thought to himself how the tables have turned. You'd always looked down on him, now he was the one looking down on you. You probably always thought he was pathetic, always took pity on him. Well who's the pathetic one now? Your moans of pleasure and sweet wails of pain were truly pathetic, he could only let out a dark chuckle.

He had made you submit to him, that meant you were finally his forever now and could not leave. Is this all it took? To make you his? If it was that easy, he thought he should've done this ages ago.

Simon's rough handling on your hips left a trail of more bruises along with neat little fingernail patterns along your skin, making use of each and every bit of strength he had to hammer with such jarring pummels into your poor pussy. It's like his girth was just molding your tight innards to his size.

He barely even slows down, grunting out the hoarse mantra of your name. "Oh fuck-" Simon's breath hitches and he clenches his teeth as his balls pump out his hot load inside you.

Awe, you thought this was over? Oh, no. Simon flipped you over onto your knees, instructing you to keep your head down and your ass up. Gripping your hip firmly with one hand, the other placed his cock at your entrance. Ignoring your desperate cries of resistance, Simon slammed his hips against your cheeks, your jaw slacking open when he did. Whole body trembling at the feeling of being full again, you let out pitiful cries of pleasure.

Despite your fear and sadness, you found yourself become overwhelmed with a desire for Simon and his love-making. Your pupils were practically heart-shaped by how many times he had made you cum by now. His sheets almost completely soaked with both of your love juices. Simon's heart eyes were locked onto the way your ass jiggled every time he slammed his hips into you. "F-fuuhhck, cumming again-" Simon let out a growl as he threw his head back, his grip on your hips tightening.

Round after round, Simon cruelly pounded and came inside you time and time again. His thrusts seemingly becoming more sadistic the more he continued. Eventually, your body was overstimulated to the point of you blacking out. And that still did not stop Simon. You were his, and that meant his all the time.

Hours and hours passed, the effects of the drugs were beginning to weaken, your sensations are feeling more real, the pain and pleasure feeling intenser as all of your nerves start to wake up. You wince in pain as your head pounded, your body aching from Simon's rough handling on you. He had you held close to him in missionary with your legs behind your head. You figured you would try to push him off of you now, but your weakness did not fade. Arms still feeling like static, they fell to your sides.

Simon, still in his lustful dissociation, grabbed hold of your wrists with his hand. His rhythmic thrusting turned jagged as he came close again. You wondered if you could get through to him in the state he was in now but you figured you'd at least try.

"Simon... Simon! Please, I- mm, need you to let mme g.. go." You managed to peep out, searching for him in his eyes. "You n-need to stop tthis... Ple-ase? You're h-urting me-" Simon let go of your wrists and grabbed your jaw, your lips forced into a silly pouty look. "Good. You fucking deserve this after what you did." Simon spoke out in a breathy, yet clear voice.

"You fucking left me. All. alone..." Simon thrusted into you with a thwack! thwack! in between that last part. Your face twisted in agonizing pleasure. "W-what?" Simon was pissed off at the fact you were trying to play dumb with him. "Oh, don't play coy with me. Acting like you're innocent. You know exactly what the fuck you did." Your cries mixed with moans sounded so melodic to Simon as he fucked you harder.

"Bad girl. Bad." He muttered quietly to himself under his breath as his eyes scanned you from your face, to your breasts, to where his cock was pumping in and out of your pussy. Bringing his thumb down to your plump, unsuspecting clit, Simon rubbed you harshly in all the right ways.

At this point, you were seeing stars as the pressure in your lower abdomen began swirling again. "Simon w-wai..." You gave up on your words at the end as all of your focus was on Simon's touch and the way your body was reacting to it. This is bad, you feel like if this continues, you really won't be able to live a normal life and become Simon's personal fuck toy forever.

(Part 2?)