#at this point there's no point in ever apologising again for the fact i can't answer asks in less than 1k words

[webbluvrsugar]

Hellowww, love your writing.

I can't stop thinking about reader being tuned on by Ethan being such a nerd, like every time he says something smart or dorky she just wants to jump his bones.

a/n: since I’ve been so obsessed with the concept of my bully!reader, I decided to make her in this one. Final request that has pretty Ethan header because it consumes a lot of time and I can’t get them out quick.

not proofread

Ethan turns you on in the weirdest ways…

Ethan is always telling you some random nerdy thing that you didn’t even ask about but sometimes relates to what your speaking of, he blames his quick thinking and apologises when you mock him for it, what he doesn’t know is that… it’s attractive, in a way.

You don’t know where your fondness for nerds started, but it surely seems a lot more noticeable when he’s a sound, sure, you make fun of him and you curse him out but there’s always times that you find yourself biting down on your pen, slowly getting more interested in what he’s saying, it’s weird…

“I can’t believe his head exploded like — why would he take off his spacesuit?” You comment about a recent movie you’ve seen, completely disgusted by it, you sit down on your chair, Ethan, who’s sitting on the desk besides you, can’t help but listen it.

“You know… that’s actually not true.” He points out.

Your frown, turn to him with a scoff. “What?”

“Your head wouldn’t explode if you.. took off your suit.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“It wouldn’t, it’s impossible.” He mutters. “You would just… go blind from the blood vessels in your head popping, then you’d slowly freeze and —“ he keeps speaking, your eyes go down to his lips, you can’t even remember what you were talking about in the first place. “You’d asphyxiate.”

Your lips are lightly parted, he thinks you’re confused but you aren’t, you’re just in a very.. very light transe from what he just said, eyes focused on his before he speaks up.

“S — Sorry.” He fiddles with his pen, sighing.

“Uhm…” you chuckle, almost if not believing him. “how do you… how do you even know that?”

“I… read a lot of books, google things often…” he swallows hard, nervous of your reaction.

“‘Course you do.” You mock, crossing one leg over the other. “Tell me, E, what other facts do you know?”

It’s the first time you really do seem interested in what he has to say without making fun of him and Ethan takes advantage of it, he starts rambling about some geek movie stuff, something that you quickly start ignoring once you feel heat pooling down your stomach, it’s unlike you, it’s unlike him to be seducing you — if he’s even doing so — but it just works so well, and after a matter of minutes, you’re not sure what you’re even staring at.

Somehow, Ethan notices it, this time, it’s going to be him who teases you.

“Got it?” He raises one eyebrow, tries to hide back the smirk on his face.

“Y — Yeah, totally.” You swallow. “But it was so hard to, I was getting distracted by all your geeky stuff, I mean shit’s so boring.”

Ethan chuckles, and it’s the first time he’s ever laughed at you, in your face. “For someone who’s so smart, you don’t seem to have a lot of brains when I’m talking.”

“What?”

“Just saying, you’re.. so dull when you’re talking to me.” He points out.

“The hell does that mean?”

“Nothing, I just… I just think maybe you’re not so truthful about your hate towards me…”

You scoff, as if you don’t believe him, deep down, you know he’s probably right, but you’ll deny it.

“What? You think I find you hot or something? Get a grip, nerd, I wouldn’t like you even if you were born again.” You scoff, so upset that you stand, grab your things and leave.

Ethan know he should be offended, but he really can’t be anything other than glad when he sees the look on your face as you walk away.

[miabebe]

Where you're convenient (II)

Scenario - Yes it was circumstances that forced these arrangements but why was it that at its breaking point, all you want to do is hold on to it?

Pairing - Husband! Seokmin × reader

Genre - smut with lots of plot, fluff fluff fluff cause there's a kid 👀, and angsty angsty pining hehe

Word Count - 11K (as usual, I apologise)

Warnings - oral (f receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (well there's babies wanted here so), riding, cum eating

A/n -  part 2 is finally here! These keep getting longer idk why 😭 I'm gonna take a small break and shift attention to my series before I return for part 3 (woozi)!

P.s all 3 parts are not related, they can be read individually, they simply share the same trope of marriage of convenience which I'm an absolute sucker for 🙃 Read Joshua's here!

The moment Seokmin’s eyes fell on the entrance of the overpriced restaurant, he knew exactly why his sister insisted on this meeting.

Sighing deeply, he parked his car in a vacant lot and ran his fingers through his untamed hair, glancing at his reflection of the mirror. There was no need to look his best for this meeting, just presentable would do - after all, he was not here to impress. Grabbing the bag you handed him earlier today, he made his way in, eyes falling on his sister and her company - a pretty woman, definitely around his age since clearly, this was yet another attempt to set him up on a date.

He greeted them with his usual sweet smile before hugging his devil of a sister, whispering a bunch of obscene words in her ear which she coolly ignored, habituated to his reaction to such meetings over time. Although he was already prepared to leave, he slid across the boxes of cupcakes you made and took a seat, pulling out his phone, while his sister raved to her friend about how you made the best cupcakes in the world.

Seokmin 17:48: Just met Minseo. Should be home in an hour. Traffic's really bad.

And then his sister began her usual business of introducing her friend to him, then him to her, then mentioning how 'surprisingly' the two of them were so similar, subtly hinting how they would be so compatible.

Seokmin rolled his eyes, familiar with this drill, listening to her blabber with a struggling, polite smile. This was quite a frequent occurrence - every now and then Minseo would bring a friend or colleague to introduce them, afraid that her useless brother would die single given how uninterested he was in dating. Today's friend was Sumi, her colleague from the first ever company she worked in, who was apparently his age, recently single, also loved pizza and working out. Barely interested in the ongoing conversation, Seokmin kept glancing at his phone time and again, relieved when it finally buzzed.

You 18:04: Okay, have fun with MinSeo, tell her I said hi!

You 18:04: Also, look at this [attachment]

It was a photo of Aera, her mouth, hands and clothes covered in a light pink frosting as she laughed at the camera both innocently and mischievously.

You 18:05: I swear to god, I can't look away from her for a second.

"Are you even listening Min-ah?

Seokmin looked up at both ladies staring at him with a tinge of annoyance and turned his phone to show them the picture that was making him smile so ridiculously. Instantly, they broke out into a series of awws and little praises making his heart swell with pride. That was his daughter after all.

"Isn't she the cutest?" Sumi looked up from his phone. "She's two and a half right?"

"Actually she's 2 years and 10 months." Seokmin took back his phone, taking another look at the love of his life. "Born in May."

"A Taurus baby?"

"Gemini." He corrected. "Last week of May."

"She must be quite the troublemaker huh?"

"You have no idea." Seokmin laughed typing a reply.

Seokmin 18:08: What have you done to my sweet angel?

"Shall we order food first?" Minseo picked the menu card. "What about pizza-"

"Not for me." Seokmin shook his head. "I'm not eating. In fact, I have to leave soon."

"Min-ah, come on, you're seeing me after so long-"

"I literally saw you last week, at mum's place."

"But it's your first time meeting Sumi, don't be rude."

Seokmin turned to her friend. "I'm sorry, I would stay longer but I haven't seen my daughter all day and I'm sure there's food at home already." He glanced at his sister before turning back. "I don't know if you know, but my wife makes really good food, she's a chef."

"A pastry chef." His sister corrected. "I mean no one makes desserts better than her but you're the better cook. "

You 18:10: Angel? She's the devil spawn, this little thing.

Seokmin 18:11: Are you calling me the devil? How dare you

"Maybe," He looked up from his phone. "But I always eat dinner made by my wife."

Minseo rolled her eyes yet again, but Sumi nodded understandingly. When the two women discussed for 20 whole minutes, finally placed an order for themselves and Sumi excused herself to the washroom, Seokmin turned to his sister.

"Why won't you give up?"

"Why won't you give in?"

"Because, everyone you try to set me up with is not my type.."

"Really?" Minseo raised an eyebrow. "What about Sumi is not your type? You two are literally the same people."

"Yeah well, did you see her nails? Clearly she loves manicures and stuff like that."

His sister blinked, lost. "And that's a problem because?"

"I have a child you idiot, I can't have those claws around her?"

"So she'll stop getting them done. That should solve your issue."

"I don't want anyone to change themselves or give up on things they like because of me."

"I'm about to kick your ass Lee Seokmin." She muttered angrily. "I have tried to set you up with all kinds of women yet no one is good enough. What do you want Min-ah?"

"What do you want? Why do you keep dragging me to these-"

"Because I want to see you happy!"

"I am happy!"

"Say what you want Seokmin, that's not a happy marriage."

He sighed. "What problem do you have with Y/n?"

"With Y/n?" She looked at him perplexed. "Not one damn thing. In fact when you leave her, I might just ask her to marry me, I love that woman so much. The question is......do you?"

Seokmin blinked, not finding the words. Love? Sure he had a crush on you a couple of years ago but to be honest, nearly everyone did. He was in his final year of culinary school when he caught sight of you at the freshers party, walking in in that tight silver dress, looking like a dream. Rumor was you already had a boyfriend so Seokmin simply introduced himself and walked away, letting that little crush of his fade over time. Soon after, he successfully graduated, got a job at a Michelin star restaurant and life was good until he met you again, almost 4 years later at an alumni party.

Now, did Seokmin still have a crush on you? He didn't know really, he didn't even have the time to sort his feelings, not when you were giving him the flirtiest eyes, hands and body moving not very decently on the dance floor and especially not when you dragged him by the collar to a nearby room and the two of you fucked for hours.

"You always go silent when I ask you this Min-ah. It's a simple yes or no question."

Minseo looked expectantly at her brother who had now diverted his attention to the notification bar and time on his phone - you had still not replied to him. Panic slightly bubbled in his chest. Was something wrong?

He quickly downed the glass of water before of him and grabbed his bag.

"I'm sorry noona, I should head home. I think Y/n needs me."

Before she could reply, he dropped a kiss on her forehead and ran out to the parking, leaving his sighing sister behind. Through the glass she watched her brother rush away in his car, wondering how many more of such set ups it would take before he admitted what he felt for you.

Though Seokmin wanted to get back home as soon as possible, with all that traffic, all he could do was wait, fingers tapping on the wheel, mind getting restless. It was not like you to take so long to reply, he knew that much. Sinking back into the car seat, he glanced out at the streets that he no longer walked down ever since he became a father. The life of leisure he once lived was no longer a possibility because now he lived only for his daughter. And you.

It wasn't a part of his life plan to become a father so young but apparently, things have their own way of panning out. He was supposed to become a famous chef, open his own chain of restaurants, establish himself as a successful businessman and retire by 45. Instead, he found himself getting a phone call from an unknown number about 2 months after that fateful night of the alumni party. It was you.

It was indeed strange that you asked to meet up at your workplace considering the two of you had made it very clear to each other that this was a one time thing, but he went regardless. Over a cup of coffee and a piece of cake you broke the news that you were pregnant and the child was his. Now Seokmin knew condoms were not 100% effective but that night the two of you had used quite a few of them, given how many rounds went down.

You told him you were going to have the child and if he wanted, he could be a part of the baby's life too. Of course he wanted to, even though this entirely threw off his life plan, of course he would be a part of his child's life, there was no question. Seokmin had grown up without the presence of a father his whole life and he knew what the felt like - there was not a chance he would let that child go through the same as well. So he told you he was there for whatever you needed and however you needed him.

The first trimester was quite uneventful. Seokmin had barely seen you after that meeting in the cafe - the two of you would just keep in touch via texts. He would check up to make sure you were eating on time and that the morning sickness wasn't too much. You would simply answer his questions and thank him. But you didn't ever ask much of him.

By your second trimester, he had moved into the building across yours so he could be near you for anything you wanted and everything you needed. He helped drive you to and from your prenatal visits, did grocery runs whenever you worked too late, carried your bags and boxes up the stairs. It was all on his own though, you still had asked for any favours.

The first thing you had ever asked of him was nearly a month later, around the 7th month of your pregnancy. In the middle of a rainy night, with a small bag slung over your shoulder, you had knocked on this door, mildly drenched and shivering. Seokmin instantly panicked even though you repeatedly assured him you were alright. The problem was your dick of an ex boyfriend, constantly knocking down your front door leaving you no choice but to take the fire escape and come here. That man had been behind you for months, insisting you take him back into your life, not taking no for an answer. His persistence had forced you to even change homes and numbers over the last year but now somehow, he had managed to find you again. You asked if you could stay here for a day or two till he stopped bothering you and Seokmin immediately agreed. He had no idea you were going through all this.

One day turned to two and two became a week. Seokmin had now began accompanying you almost everywhere, constantly keeping an eye on your surroundings and it was a miracle he hadn't landed a punch on that slime ball of an ex of yours. That man would harass and embarrass you publicly, he would turn up drunk at the doorstep and create a scene, throwing up and passing out, he would follow you to your workplace and just sit in the store hours on end. Things became exponentially worse when he found out that you and Seokmin were not in fact in a relationship, just expecting a child together - he went ballistic with his attempts to get you back.

Panic rose in Seokmins chest just thinking about those days years ago, hoping to god everything was fine at home. He glanced at his phone again as he parked his car and rushed out, bolting up the stairs, unable to wait for the lift. When he opened the door of his apartment, toys and books and things were scattered everywhere, in the middle of the living room, a bunch of disorganised chairs and sheets haphazardly thrown around.

Seokmin slowly and quietly approached the mess pushing everything aside, heart racing in his chest, thoughts plaguing his mind till he spotted you and his little girl, fast asleep in what was clearly a blanket fort, making him sigh in relief. Your phone was lying next to you and Aera was lying on top, head snuggled in your chest, raising and falling rhythmically. You looked so beautiful tired, sleeping with your hair askew and mouth slightly open - seeing the mess all around, Seokmin knew it must have been one of Aera's uncontrollably active days. He smiled at the way your arm protectively wrapped around her and how she clung onto you - watching the two of you together was always his favourite thing to do. But he knew it must hurt to carry her weight on top for so long so he slowly crouched and quietly tried to take his daughter into his arms but the moment he lifted her-

"Daddy!"

Seokmin laughed as his girl, now somehow fully awake, began excitedly moving in his arms in a little dance to welcome him home, giggling away. He stood up, hugging her back and peppering her tiny face with kisses as she proceeded to sing loudly in joy. (She truly did take after him.) He watched her amused, trying to make out what in the world she was saying, when you let out a soft groan, making him turn. As you stretched awake, yawning and sighing, eyes slowly fluttering open, flashing him a sleepy smile, Seokmin felt his heart flip in his chest.

"Why, why, why doesn't your daughter sleep Mr. Lee?"

He chuckled. "I think she takes after you Ms. L/n."

"Oh no no, I was always the obedient child in the house. Your sister told me you were the troublemaker."

"You're calling this cutie a troublemaker?" Seokmin scrunched the cheeks of his daughter earning the cutest laugh. "She looks like the best baby in the world to me."

You sighed, getting up and rubbing soft circles her tummy.

"You're always gonna be daddy's baby girl aren't you?"

You could too if you want to.

Seokmin ignored his stupid mind voice and glanced at your tired self, slightly worried. "How was your day?"

"Decent." You smiled. "I was working on orders in the morning - there was a baby shower I had to cater for in the afternoon. I swear, I stepped out into the balcony to take a call for literally 5 minutes and your 'best' baby here had lathered herself in all the frosting I made. Then I had to sit make another batch while while the sugar turned your daughter into a hyperactive destruction machine. She didn't even sleep in the afternoon and I had just managed to get her to sleep when..."

"Sorry." Seokmin gushed sheepishly. "I thought I was helping-"

"No, no that's okay, she needs to bathe and eat anyways. Better you wake her up, she gets all cranky otherwise."

Seokmin dropped a sweet kiss on his child's cheek as she continued to search for something in his ear lobe with utmost seriousness.

"How was your day? How's Minseo?"

"Oh same old, just complaining about her kids and mom, the usual." He didn't need you to know the exact details of what happened. Not when it didn't matter to him anyways. "She said she had dinner prepared at home so we didn't really eat anything."

"Oh no, you must be so hungry? I have a few orders to pack for tomorrow, let me quickly finish that up, then we can do dinner yeah?"

Seokmin nodded as you walked away to the kitchen, sleep barely shaken away.

The good thing about Seokmin's apartment was the large pantry, which when you first came to this house was merely a storeroom but over time, it had become your working station. After you had graduated, given your sweet tooth, you had traveled around, meeting different chefs, taking small courses and mastered the art of dessert making. Not only did that trip help get away from and over your ex boyfriend but it had also solidified your skill set as a pâtissier. After coming back to Seoul, an old senior and friend had contacted you, offering you a job in her bakery cafe till you worked on your own business plan and all was going well till that alumni party.

Sure, when Seokmin introduced himself to you in your freshmen year you thought he was possibly the most gorgeous person you'd ever laid your eyes on. He didn't seem too interested in you and that was fine, given you were already in a relationship with your high school boyfriend. Meeting him again, so many years later, finding out he had gotten oh so much hotter and having suffered a dry spell for so long, you had managed to somehow get into his pants for what was the best night you had ever had. You had quite literally fucked him out of your mind, and were happily moving on with your life when the news of the pregnancy hit.

You did go to work in the initial months but as the third trimester approached, it was hard to balance your well being and the strain that came from working. Your boss was kind enough to let you keep your job and that's how for the last 2 odd years, you found yourself working from home, only preparing and delivering on custom orders the shop received, allowing you to keep both your passion alive and make decent money.

"I was going to give Aera a bath-"

"Okay!"

"-but the neighbour's kids want to take her downstairs to play."

Normally, you wouldn't let her go down when it was late and dark outside but she needed to get that sugar out of her system and you needed to be alone with Seokmin for a bit. There was something you wanted to talk to him for a while now.

The giggles of your daughter faded in the background as Seokmin walked into the kitchen, pulling out a tub of something from his bag.

"I'm going to make the best ravioli you've ever had for dinner."

You smiled watching him wash up and put on an apron, getting ready to bustle away in the kitchen. You loved watching Seokmin cook - there was something so elegant and attractive about how well he navigated around while cooking, smoothly chopping and stirring away. He never let you make dinner. Though he slogged in the kitchen restaurant from day break till the evening cooking away, Seokmin never let you cook when he was home. He'd say you didn't have to worry about it when he was there. Actually, as long as he was around, you never worried about anything.

You didn't think there would come a point where Seokmin would become your partner for life but here you are. Years ago, when your ex was tormenting you, you had contemplated just moving out of the city but it was Seokmin who held your hand and asked you to face him bravely. You did, you really tried, but it didn't matter when the other man was such a terrible pain in the ass - nothing changed. It was then that Seokmin’s mother suggested that the two of you get married, hoping that would settle things once and for all but you refused.

As idealistic as that seemed, it was never your intention to bind Seokmin with you in such a permanent relationship but he didn't seem to think so. If a marriage was what it would take to keep his child safe, he was willing to do it. It took a few more months, a few more threats from your ex and a reasonable suggestion from your sister for you to finally agree to it. Within a few days the two of you were married with a set of promises said out loud and a set of them silently agreed upon

One, this would be an open marriage - two of you were free to see and be with other people and two, 3 years later, you would reassess where this relationship stood and what it's future would be.

You had agreed on this arrangement for Seokmin more than for yourself. Once you gave birth, you knew you'd be busy with your child and work, but you didn't want Seokmin to feel trapped because of one night's decision. True enough, after Aera came along, you didn't even have the time to look at another man, forget thinking about one. Sometimes you wondered if Seokmin found someone but from the intel that had reached you, it didn't seem like he had. He'd always come home immediately after work, he didn't usually go out anywhere on the weekends, his friends always complained to you that they never saw him around - Seokmin spent every breathing minute he had free with his daughter.

You glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall beside Seokmin for the nth time this month, noting each day that your wedding anniversary was approaching. It would soon be time to reevaluate your marriage with him but if you didn't find anyone and if he didn't find anyone, you wondered what he thought about your idea. One that you had been nurturing for a while now.....

Seokmin could feel your eyes burning into his back and knew you wanted to say something. By the time he walked into the kitchen you were already done with your orders which meant the last 20 minutes he spent cooking, you were simply lost in thought about something. Something Seokmin had a feeling he knew.

Ever since a month ago, when the restraining order against your ex was finally approved and the threat on you had been lifted, Seokmin had a gnawing feeling about the future of this relationship. You were not interested in a marriage to begin with, now you didn't have a reason to continue in it either. That could only mean one thing - you were going to leave him. The time had come.

Seokmin held his breath as you approached him,

"Seokmin, I was thinking...."

Please don't say you wanna leave me. Please don't say it. Please don't say it.

"It's been almost 3 years since we've gotten married and had Aera. She's not all grown up yet, but she's grown up quite a bit and....."

Please. Please. Please.

"I was thinking maybe it's time we...."

Seokmin took a deep breath preparing himself. This was it.

"Get a cat or something?"

Seokmin turned to you surprised. "A what?"

"A cat, or a dog if you prefer that, any pet actually."

"So you're not leaving me?"

"Huh?"

"I mean" Seokmin mentally smacked himself, rambling to his defence. "You're.... leaving that decision to me? To get a pet? Why? I mean why a pet, I mean why so suddenly?"

You sighed, leaning against the counter. "Aera constantly needs me around because she gets bored. She's young, she needs company and I'm hoping a pet can give her that? I mean obviously the better option would be if we.... I mean if she....."

Seokmin looked at you confused. "If she?"

Well, fingers crossed, here we go.

"I don't know, could have a sibling? Kids need company to grow up and I think it would be nice if Aera could have a little brother or sister....."

Seokmin stared at you, his expression unreadable before his voice softened, leaving him uncertain. "Do you really want that? Another child?"

"I think I'm ready for another one?..... if you want one that is." You add quickly. "I don't want you to feel compelled or anything. We can still just get a pet-"

"No..." Seokmin shook his head, clearing his throat before continuing. "I don't mind. I don't mind having another child. It's just....I don't know how complicated the adoption process is-"

"Oh." You scratched the back of your neck. This conversation was a lot harder than you had anticipated. "I wasn't thinking about adoption actually..... I mean it's great and everything but I was thinking more of a child of my own..... our child."

Seokmin blinked rapidly. "O-ours?"

"I mean we already have one together, I think it'll be a lot less complicated if I were to have another one that.....you be the father?" 

.

.

.

That would not make anything less complicated.

"Your silence is scaring me Seokmin. There's no compulsion, it's only if you want. I might be the one giving birth but your preference matters too. If you don't want this then we'll just forget this conversation ever happened."

It was ridiculous you thought he might not want a future, a bigger family with you when he had been dreaming of this for the last 3 years.

"I love Aera more than anything in this world. If I could have another child that's part me, especially if it'll make Aera happy, of course I'd want that. It's just...."

"What?"

"How...." He refused to meet your questioning eyes. "How are you and supposed to.....you know?"

"Oh." Of course there would be a discussion about the process and of course you're flushed a violent shade of pink. "I uh looked into that, there's a few fertility clinics here that do a procedure called IUI, intrauterine insemination or something like that, basically it's an artificial process of.....sex?"

"Ah....." He nods slowly. "That sounds-"

You wanted to know what he's thinking, you wanted to know what he wanted but the doorbell rang, pulling you away from the conversation. Knowing the delivery person was here for today's orders you quickly excused yourself and turned your attention to your work, bringing out the orders, taking them down to load the van. By the time you're done and ready to listen to him again, Seokmin has already finished up in the kitchen and has his eyes glued to his phone.

He didn't acknowledge your presence, which is rather odd because Seokmin is always so reactive to you. Realising that he was perhaps not comfortable or in a disagreement with the discussion, you decided to end it and not being it up anymore. Instead, you resorted to cleaning up the mess in the living room, pointlessly might I add, for within minutes, your daughter came barging in, done with her playtime, ready to make a mess again. Before she could topple over the box of toys, Seokmin appeared out of nowhere, swooping her into this arms, protecting your just cleaned zone. He flashed you a smile, continuing to play a game of Aera-plane with her as you hugged your knees and watched them.

Seokmin was a great father and that was the reason you wanted to have another child with him. That and the fact that he was also a great person - one could scour the whole earth and not find a man even half as good as him. Though you had entered this marriage with the idea that it could end anytime, with each passing day, that turned into a strange fear - a fear of him leaving you, especially now that you and Aera were no longer in danger. When even your marriage could not keep your ex away from you, Seokmin decided to take things in a legal direction to finally get him out of the way. Now that all of that was successfully done, the number of things binding this marriage had reduced.

When you discussed the idea of having another baby with your sister, she asked if this was an attempt to add to the list of reasons keeping this marriage together. Oh hell no. If anything it was the exact opposite. Having another child with Seokmin would only lead to one thing - you falling in love with him all over again and him not feeling the same for you yet again. It would make ending this relationship, whenever the time came for it, that much harder. But you knew for Aera this decision made sense - it was only for her sake.

Seokmin and Aera had now switched to the game of Aera-train, the two of them crawling all around the space on their knees, making you laugh at their antics. You grabbed your little girl and pulled her into your lap, smothering her cute face with kisses as she wriggled in your grip. Exhausted, Seokmin lied down beside you, mouthing a thank you.

"How much more playtime is it going to take before you burn all that sugar missy?"

"Hide and seek!" Aera clapped, still not understanding how exhausted the two of you were. "You and daddy hide, I count."

"Aera, you need to shower-"

Not listening, she slipped out of your lap, plastering herself against at wall, closing her eyes.

"One, two-"

"Sweetheart-"

"Seven, ten, twelve-"

Seokmin looked up. "Who the hell is teaching her numbers?"

"Thirty, forty-"

Laughing you quickly pulled Seokmin to his feet, the two of your scrambling to find a place to hide and in the hurry, settling in the tiny gap between the closet and the bathroom, bodies pressed against each other. As the laughter faded, you realised just how close you were, faces inches apart, breath held and heart racing.

Hearts.

With your hands pressed against his pecs, you could feel his racing too.

"Should have hidden in different places huh" Seokmin whispered, earning a short nod from you.

"It's too late. We're stuck, I guess."

Seokmin couldn't tell what exactly you were talking about, somehow it's different. You gulped the phantom lump in your throat, trying to look away but there's only so much you could look at around you. When you looked at him again, he was lost in thought.

"What are you thinking?"

"I uh." Seokmin cleared his throat. "I was reading up about this Intra- thing."

Oh. So the conversation wasn't done. "Uh huh."

"It's expensive."

"Yeah it is...." You had already done all the research for it of course. "Which sucks because it doesn't have a very high chance of success either."

"Not to mention, it requires many tests and appointments."

"Yeah, it would interrupt with both our work schedules too."

"Exactly.....so I'm not sure if it's really the best option for us?"

You looked at him straight in the eye. What was going on in his head? Why was a completely wild thought entering your head?

You nodded slowly. "Maybe we should look into the alternatives. Try and do a little more research?"

"And find an option that's affordable, efficient, and not very time consuming."

"That would be ideal.....I wonder what that could be."

Both of you knew what it could be. Both of you knew exactly what it could be.

"The only way I can think of is," You tried not to let your voice shake. "The way everyone usually does this...."

Seokmin frowned, "There are other ways?"

How could a man this fine be this stupid?

"The way we already made a child Seokmin."

Just the memory of that night sends blood rushing down Seokmin’s body. That was not an event of loving baby making.

"You want to do t-that again?"

Your stomach literally wanted to hurl its contents. "Do you?"

"I mean," He could feel the sweat drip down the groove of his back. "If that's the best way to have another child. It does seem like the practical, logical, reasonable choice."

"Yeah..." You met his eyes, hoping to god he could tell you were lying. "That's the only reason why...."

The thick, unresolved tension makes you shiver, prompting you to shift in the space, and Seokmin's arms immediately grabbed you at the waist to keep you steady - he was terrified that the secret in his pants would expose him for what he truly was.....absolutely and fatally, gone for you.

If you had ever given him even the slightest indication that you wanted him, Seokmin knew for a fact that he would have given you a whole lot of babies by now - there was nothing more he wanted than a life and a family with you. But you only ever smiled at him sweetly, never letting on anything further and Seokmin was okay with that too. He was okay with whatever you wanted. Now you wanted him to put another baby in you and he had no idea how he was going to stay sane doing that. Or after that.

"Speaking of which...." You pulled away from him, looking concerned. "Where's the child we already made?"

It had to have been a while by now and Aera was usually much better than this at hide and seek, making the two of you panic and rush out of your hiding space, calling out to her. In less than a minute, Seokmin found her curled up in the couch fast asleep, snoring away.

You groaned. "She hasn't showered or eaten-"

"Shh, it's okay." Seokmin crouched beside her, attempting to carry her to her bed. "We can just-"

"Caught you!"

Much to Seokmin's disappointment, your daughter jumped out of the couch, kicking her feet, ecstatic that she had him fooled. You covered your mouth so Seokmin could not see you struggling to hold back your laughter as Aera ran around chanting, caught you, caught you.

"Well isn't she a smartass." You noted, trying to soothe his annoyance.

"Yeah, we need to stop letting her hang out with Yoon Jeonghan." He muttered as he picked up his running daughter, seating her on the side of his hip, squeezing her cheeks. "And I caught you so now playtime is over. It's shower time, you little pig."

Aera whined, trying to reach for you to save her and you stepped back. "No, no, you've done enough today. You've to sleep soon-"

"Not sleepy." She groaned, snuggling her head into Seokmin’s neck, as he walked away, shaking his head.

"You're not gonna let mommy and daddy sleep tonight are you?"

You froze in the middle of the hall hearing his words.

Tonight?

You were not really sure what came over you when you suggested having sex again to make another baby. Maybe it was the proximity of the space or the fact that he was already so on board with the idea or just because you've been wanting to jump this man for 3 years now. You don't really know. You didn't know how you were even going to sleep with him just one more time. Or how to handle things after that. Maybe this was a terrible idea.

Of course it was a terrible idea. And it was only further proven when you grabbed Aera's night clothes and walked into the bathroom to find both father and daughter settled in the bathtub, engaged in a waterfight, making you raise your eye brows in question.

"She put water all over me!" Seokmin justified as Aera covered her face in soap bubbles, hiding from you. "It's not my fault, she insisted I get in with her."

Yes but why did he have to take his shirt off for that? And why did your eyes have to follow those little rivets of water running down his bicep and chest? You tore your gaze away from him and quickly pulled your child out of the tub, and the moment you set her down, she giggled and bolted, making you sigh.

"I'm banning sugar in this house." Seokmin laughed.

"She usually gets sleepy after a meal." You threw him a towel too and looked away as he caught it. "Shouldn't disturb us too much tonight."

Seokmin stared at you as you left. Tonight?

You wanted to do this tonight? Hell no. He needed time. He needed to convince himself to not let this one time raises his hopes, to not let himself fall more miserably in love with you. How was he ever going to do that? Everything you did only made him that much more whipped for you. Even now, after he washed himself up and walked out, he saw you softly drying Aera's hair, singing her favourite song, and leaned against the door frame, smiling fondly. Just the thought of another child, part you part him, running across this space made his heart swell with joy. He really wanted that.

When you meet his eye and smiled, he returned it, ignoring his racing heart and walked off to heat the sauces for dinner - a non spicy one for Aera and another spicy one for the two of you. Your eyes followed him, noticing that he had donned a new pair of grey sweatpants which were hanging low on his hips, coupled with a white tank top that was doing a terrible job of hiding his pecs. God this man wanted to end you.

By the time you put Aera in her baby chair, he had already set everything on the table and true to his word it is the best damn ravioli in the world.  You told him that and that was all the conversation that took place - dinner was unusually silent. Maybe because the both of you had the same set of thoughts running through your minds, both apprehensive about what would go down in the coming few hours. Even Aera had noticed the silence, her head turning between the two of you, her expression confused all through dinner. Yawning, she watched her parents awkwardly move around each other in the kitchen, even more polite and formal than they usually were as they cleaned it up.

You left Seokmin to put Aera to sleep as you headed to the shower to wash up for the night. Staring at the mirror, you stripped out of your clothes, observing everything that had changed over the last three years - you hadn't really cared for the post pregnancy effects on your body but somehow today you were feeling conscious. Taking a deep breath you convinced yourself that it was fine - that this was a one time thing anyways, that this was just to procreate, nothing else. Still, you quickly shaved yourself, used your best smelling soap and wore a new night suit - a pink one, with tiny flowers all over the shirt and shorts.

By the time you returned, Seokmin had already put Aera to sleep and settled in front of the TV, ready to play the next episode of masterchef, the one show the two of you being professionals thoroughly enjoyed. You wondered if you has misread his statement and had unnecessarily readied yourself for tonight and contemplated changing into something different when Seokmin sensed your presence behind him and asked you to hurry up. Biting your lip out of embarrassment, you walked over and settled down on the other end of the couch where you usually sat, not noticing the way his eyes trailed down your body before gulping and looking away.

"You're wearing a new night suit." He observed, avoiding mentioning that he also noticed you smelt different than usual - sweeter, more addicting.

"You're wearing a new track pant too." You added so it didn't seem like you were the only one who was prepared for tonight.

"I.... didn't really notice. Just grabbed the first thing I could find and..." Lies. Pure lies. Seokmin deliberately wore the most loose sweatpants he could find hoping to god it would hide the raging boner he was housing between his legs. Even though he had already jerked off prior to showering to avoid being caught, he knew just the thought of what might happen tonight was enough to bring it back and sure enough, just your scent was enough to do that. He pulled a pillow onto his lap, starting the episode to divert the topic.

As the show continued, the two of you did your usual drill of discussing the recipes, how you'd do it differently and what he'd change to improve it. The thought hadn't stopped running in the back of your mind though, about whether tonight was indeed the night. About who was going to bring it up, how you were going to do....it.

"That guy, he's got a great future as a pâtissier." Seokmin pointed at the screen. "If he ever opens a shop, I bet his dessert will be some of the most in demand in the city." He turned to you smiling. "Unless you enter the business. Then nobody stands a chance."

You laughed a little sadder than you intended to. "Having my own business feels like a once upon a dream now. With Aera now, I'm not sure how I can handle a whole business by myself-"

"Of course you won't be by yourself. I'll be there, with you, for you." He tilted his head. "Always."

"You've always wanted to have a restaurant of your own too. What about your dream?"

"I'm already working in one of the best restaurants in the city. I'm living half of it already. I wish you could live yours too."

How did he always place you before him? Why was he always so good to you?

You turned to face him, leaning against the armrest. "What if we both had one dream? We could open a small business of our own which could feature both my desserts and your food."

"That would work." Seokmin nodded. "But it would require an extensive kitchen, we both need a ton of very different equipment, a lot more investment and time on our hands too. I mean if both of us are busy, with not fixed working hours, who'll take care of the kid?" He paused for a moment before reminding himself and you. "Kids."

Your heart felt like it was in your mouth.

"If they're of school going age, it shouldn't be so hard to handle should it?"

He mirrored your posture, more interested in the prospect now that it seemed possible and you continued.

"I wanted to have my own shop by the time I was 30, which means we have another 6 years for that. Aera will start going to school when she's 5, so there's another 2 years for that."

"Which means if we want our second child to also be of school going age by that time then we should have one by....." Seokmin did the math on his fingers. "Early next year."

You nodded, doing math of your own. "Given it will take 9 months to get one out, it means I have to get pregnant by latest...."

"March." Seokmin concluded, staring at his hands. "Which is this month."

Fuck.

"And given the best time to get pregnant is when I'm most fertile and that's..." You glanced at the date on your phone screen and looked up at him just as he lifted his head. "Now."

The two of you stared at each other in the silence as the end credits of the episode rolled on the screen, the next one waiting to be played.

"Is..." Seokmin took a deep breath. "Is that the future you really want? Running a business together, having 2 kids.... us?"

You really really really wanted that.

You nodded slowly. "If you want it too."

Seokmin took a whole minute to stare at the floor before turning off the TV, submerging the two of you in the dimness of the night lights.

"I do." He tossed the remote aside, slowly meeting your eye. "So, we do this.... right now?"

You glanced around the house. "Well, we are done for the day. All we have left to do is head to bed....."

Fuck, fuck, fuck, this was really happening?

"Wait," Seokmin panicked. "I don't have any condoms, I'll need to buy-."

"Lee Seokmin."

Oh no. "Yeah?" Had he messed up already? Did you not want to any more?

"We're trying to have a baby."

"I know....." and when the realisation hit, Seokmin felt all the blood leave his brain and shoot straight to his dick.

"So I..... so we're....I'm gonna do this raw?"

You looked at him, just a little amused. "That's kinda how getting pregnant works."

"What if you don't get pregnant?"

"Considering I got pregnant even when we did it with condoms, I don't know if that's going to be such a huge problem."

"Things don't always work out the same right? What if you don't get pregnant?"

"Then....we're going to have to do this till I get pregnant."

"This as in I...." Seokmin held his breath. "We have sex raw and...."

Your stomach flipped inside you. "And you come inside me, yes"

"I'm gonna fucking die." He muttered under his breath.

"Huh?"

He looked at your confused face, having not heard him. If you were going to let him re-live this, you deserved it too.

"Well, we have to do this right."

"What right?"

Seokmin ran his hand through his hair knowing he was digging his own grave with this.

"Come here." He tossed the pillow aside and held his hand out, pulling you closer as you took it, guiding you to straddle his lap. Both of you let out a soft groan as you felt his hard length under you and he could feel how soaked you were, through both your shorts and his pants.

"I know we're doing this to get you pregnant but when was the last time you...." slept with someone.

"With you." You confessed. "3 years ago."

Seokmin nodded slowly. "Then it's only right I make sure you feel good."

"What about you?" You stared at his collar bone instead, absentmindedly playing with the fabric of his tank top, wondering what the answer would be. Dreading what it would be.

"With you."

You looked up a little surprised. "You didn't see anyone else? In 3 years?"

"You didn't either."

"I didn't have the time."

"And I didn't have the need." He looked at you so earnestly, you wanted to bury this man in you and never let him go. "I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with Aera, I'm...." He smiled softly. "I'm happy with you. I'm not seeking anything else."

You cupped his cheek, running your thumb across the bone. How did you get so lucky?

"Seokmin." He hummed as you let your hands wrap around his neck. "Hurry up and put a baby inside me."

Groaning, he hooked his hands under your thighs, lifting you into his arms with surprising ease. Moving to the room with soft footfall and gently dropping you onto the bed, he watched as looked at him, pupils blown, reminding him of that night all those years ago. Fuck he really wanted to be inside you.

"Move back." He tapped your leg, clambering on the bed slowly as you obeyed, scooting behind, letting him slide his fingers between the elastic of your shorts. "Up."

As you raised your hips, he pulled down both your shorts and your panties in one go, leaving you feeling both strangely exposed and admired.

"You didn't have to." He muttered and you know he's talking about you shaving as he ran his hands up and down your thighs softly, before meeting your eye. "You're unbelievably beautiful, no matter what." A shiver ran down your spine as he leaned to drop a small kiss on your belly.

"Seokmin please..." You whined, pulling him up, unable to take the wait anymore. "Please just...."

"You don't have to beg sweetheart." He dropped another kiss on your forehead, then your jaw. "Let me make you feel good first, then I'll fill you up." His finger slipped between your soaked folds. "....and then again, just to be sure."

You let out the most unholy moan as his words shot straight to your core and his fingers easily found your clit, drawing soft circles, driving you insane in all ways possible. Seokmin looked at you with the softest eyes, laced with a hint of undeniable desire, like he was craving you. "Is it okay if I go down on you?"

Okay? It took all the sanity left in you to nod slowly, like you weren't eagerly throbbing just at the thought of it.

As you propped yourself on your elbows, he slowly slid down between your legs, pulling them over this shoulders, holding back a groan at the sight of the wet mess you'd made - you were dripping and he revelled in it. Eyes still locked with yours, his tongue ran up your folds, making you grip the sheets below, mouth falling open in a not so silent sigh. Fuck you hadn't been touched properly in so long and the fact that it was Seokmin again of all people was making it so much better. You'd been wanting him for way too long now.

"You need to keep it down baby." It took everything in you to turn the moan that left you into a whimper. How on earth were you supposed to that when he was saying such things??? "Our daughter is asleep next door."

You nod hurriedly, lacing your hand through his thick hair, as he went down on your again, smiling against your skin. He knew you needed him, badly, and God he wanted you so much too, he wanted you in entirely.

His nose brushed against your clit, making you almost writhe at the overstimulation, stopped only by the tight grip of his hands around your thighs. Unable to grab much of the sheets with your free hand, you slid it under your shirt, grabbing a boob, squeezing it pathetically as Seokmin watched you, nearly cumming in his pants. Maybe one day he would admit this out loud, but the first year after Aera was born, watching you feed her with your breasts spilling out of your bra always drove him certifiably insane. As pathetic as it sounded, he was jealous of his months old daughter but now..... Seokmin slid his hand up your body, feeling how perfectly your free breast filled his hand, the moan he let go against your clit vibrating through your body, pulling out the sexiest gasp he'd ever heard.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, you were going to be the end of him.

"More." You moaned, pushing your hips up, desperate to be filled. "Seokmin, just a little more-"

And that's when letting go his ministrations on your boob, he brought his hand back down to your entrance, pushing a finger in. And then another. And God, though you were throbbing and practically dying to be filled, the intrusion sent the pain of the stretch shooting up you, making you wince and grab all you had your hands on a lot tighter. Sensing your discomfort, Seokmin stopped immediately, raising himself up, his face hovering over yours, concerned.

"Did I hurt you?" He hadn't touched you in so long, honestly he had no idea how to touch you either - what you liked, what you wanted, he didn't have a clue. He'll learn, he swears if you let him, he'd memorise every small detail, every single sign.

"Just...." You panted, feeling the pain ebb into pleasure. "No, no, you didn't, please don't stop."

Obeying, Seokmin instantly began pumping his fingers, still watching you closely. Under his gaze you felt so exposed, like if he looked a little deeper into your eyes he would see the unbelievable amount of love you had for him. Would that be such a bad thing though?.....

Fisting the material of his tank top, you pulled him down, pressing your forehead against his, letting your moans spill right into his ears. Chest swelling with pride, Seokmin picked up the pace, alternating between scissoring you open and pushing his fingers knuckle deep. Lord why was he so good at this?

Seokmin watched as your breaths got shallow and quick, knowing you were nearly there and brushed his thumb over your clit with just enough pressure to push you over the edge. Back arching off the bed, you clenched around him, feeling wave after wave of pleasure erupt across your being as though every nerve in your body was set on fire. Seokmin stopped but did not pull out, eyes fixed on the way you were a panting mess under him, still struggling to ground yourself.

"That...." You focused your vision on him, a slight smile dancing your lips. "That was fucking good."

"Hmm language." Seokmin laughed, finally and unfortunately pulling his fingers out leaving you empty and wanting. You turned to him as he buried his elbow into the mattress beside your face, propping his head on his hand, glancing down at you. You looked at him and he looked at you, blinking slowly, letting so many unsaid things pass in the silence. Bringing your hand up, you traced the outline of his features with a strange sadness that when all this was over there was going to be distance between the two of you again.

Seokmin needed you to stop that. He needed you stop looking at him, to stop touching him like that, there was only so much he could control himself. He knew he wouldn't get this chance over and over again and he wanted to make it count as much as possible. For you and for him.

"Didn't actually get to eat you out." He muttered in your ear, running his fingers between folds, gathering your release, spreading it around your throbbing hole. "Wanna make you come on my tongue."

To his momentary disappointment, you shook your head. "Some other time." What? "Right now I need you to get inside me."

"Just one-"

He stuttered to a stop when you ran your hand down his torso, palming his erection, it's thickness literally making you salivate. God you wanted him in your mouth so bad but you needed him inside you a lot more desperately. You had slept with him him before, you knew he felt like heaven and you had waited long enough.

"Seokmin please." You squeezed his length, earning a low growl from him. "I want that baby. I really want it." When he moved, hovering over you once again, palms planted beside you, you didn't even realise the words that left you. "I really want you."

Seokmins eyes widened, processing your words, but that was before you clawed the material of his tank top on his back, making him sit up and strip out if it in a flash. He didn't have it in him to get out of the bed and step put of his track pants, opting to pull his length out of them instead, stroking it, spreading his precum all over it. He watched your eyes fixed on his movements, mouth slight open, before you blinked up at him, sighing like you couldn't wait. Mirroring your desperation, Seokmin slowly pushed himself into you, slipping in with a satisfying ease, bottoming out with a groan. Your nails raked his bare back, struggling to ground yourself as he filled that emptiness in you oh so well.

"Move." You moaned, adding a please at the end as though he wouldn't happily bury himself in you again and again. Though he needed a minute. He needed to memorise the feeling of you so warm and tight around him. Fuck you were a dream.

When you whimpered his name again he finally started moving, pulling back a little and pushing himself all the way in again and again. You slid your hands up, hooking them onto his shoulders, feeling every bit of him inside you, walls throbbing with every drag against it. It took everything in Seokmin to not empty himself entirely in you when you clenched around him, slowly approaching your high.

"A little longer." He pleaded. He didn't want this to end yet. "Hang in there a little longer for me beautiful. Come with me."

Then maybe he should have shut his mouth. His words had your heart racing as you felt that familiar build up in you, the one that has your toes curling. Seokmin knew you were going to come soon with the way your kept fluttering around him, squeezing and releasing him in a way that was testing his sanity.

"Shit." He muttered, burying his face in the crook of your neck and pulling your leg, guiding it towards his waist, making you wrap both of them around him, his length reaching spots you didn't even know were possible. It only took a few more strokes of increasing speed before you felt that knot tightening in you rapidly unravel, pushing wave after wave of please coursing through your body, literally blinding you for a minute there.

By the time you regained your composure Seokmin was still in the same position, buried deep inside you, his breath softly caressing the skin of your neck, face hidden from you. You slowly ran your hands up and down his back, letting him know you were okay. In fact you were better than okay, something told you if he fucked you a little longer you would fall apart around him all over again.

"Go on." You tightened your legs around his waist, feeling how he was still so painfully hard inside you. "Do it Seokmin, come inside me."

To your surprise, you felt him sigh, as he attempted to pull out but remained unsuccessful given the way you had locked him against you.

"What's wrong?" You could feel your heart thump in your chest at his uncertainty.

"Can I be honest with you?"

Oh no. "Of course."

Please don't end this.

"I....."

Please don't say you don't want this.

"I don't want you to get pregnant again."

The way you immediately let him go makes him quickly pull up, his eyes meeting yours which look devastated. Was all he wanted just sex? 

"Yet!" He added hurriedly, panicking at your misinterpretation. "I don't want you to get pregnant again yet. Not that I don't want to have another child with you, God no, there's nothing I want more, just....." He gulped looking away. "Not yet."

His words don't offer you much comfort.

"Why not?" You whispered, terrified of where this conversation was going. "I thought we both thought the timing was right...."

"It is. Its absolutely right. It makes absolute sense. It's just..." Did us making this future together not make sense? "I don't know what this is going to make you think of me but I can't keep pretending anymore. It's going to sound incredibly selfish of me but...."

Please please please don't say you don't want me anymore.

"I want you." You looked at him surprised. "I want you entirely. I don't want you to just be the mother of my children, I want you to be my woman. Mine." He sighed, refusing to meet your eye, terrified to learn what you think of him. "If you get pregnant now, it'll be another few months of dealing with the pregnancy, then the baby and I love the thought of that, god I really do, but a part of me just wants you to myself for a while. To have you as my wife, as a partner, to make love to you again and again and-"

"Wait." You stopped him, unable to take the weight of his words. Did this mean he.... "Look at me." You held his face in both your hands, forcing him to meet your eyes. God, if only you both had just a little more courage, this could've happened years ago. But clearly, it was still not too late.

"Seokmin."

"Hmm."

.

.

.

.

"I love you."

Your husband's eyes widened with a whole range of emotions. "Y-you do?"

"Fuck Seokmin, I love you so much. I've been in love with you for so long. How could I not? There's not a thing about you that doesn't make my soul crave for you. I just thought I was a burden, a responsibility you had no choice but to fulfill-"

"No choice?" Seokmin looked at you incredulously. "You are who I would pick over and over and over again, till my last breath, God I love you so much it drives me insane-"

Before he can say anything more you pulled him down into what you realised was your first ever kiss, and he immediately kissed you back, like he wanted this more than he needed to breathe. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer like you couldn't bear to part from him as his hands found your waist, pressing you against him. You didn't want to stop, neither did he, until he pulled away, burying his face in your neck, holding you in a tight hug, one that felt so complete and made you realise how perfectly they two of you fit against each other. And that this entire time Seokmin was still inside you, waiting to finish. As you involuntary clenched around him, Seokmin groaned in your ear.

"Lie on your back."

He pulled back at your words, raising an eyebrow. You gently pushed him off you, his back hitting the mattress.

"Off." You patted his pants, and he quickly lifted hips and kicked it off just before you swung your legs around his waist, straddling him. Seokmin let out a low whistle, slightly smiling at the sight of you above him. You ran your hands down his pecs to his abs as he tucked an arm under his head, watching you.

"Hey."

You hummed in response, tilting your head at him.

"I love you." He looked at you earnestly. "I really really do."

"I love you too." You confessed again, leaning down to drop him a quick kiss, your hand wrapping around his length. "But right now, let me make you come big boy."

Seokmin somehow felt himself get more hard, if that was even possible, as you pumped his length in your hand a few times before raising yourself and aligning it against your entrance, slowly sinking down on it. As your mouth dropped open in a silent sigh feeling him fill both your body and your heart, Seokmin moaned, his free hand running up your thigh. Rocking your hips, slowly readjusting to his thickness, you threw your head back, baring your neck in a way that made Seokmin's mouth water. As he tried to bring his hand up to strip you of your shirt, you beat him to it, slowly unbuttoning it and sliding it off your shoulders, allowing Seokmin to sit up and wrap his mouth around your breast. You ran your hand up the nape of his neck, relishing the way his tongue swirled around your nipple, wondering how in the world the two of you managed to keep your hands off each other all these years. You didn't think you could do more than a while without this man's touch from now.

Pulling him from you, you pushed him back once more, holding onto his shoulders for support as you began moving your hips up and down his length. Seokmin cursed under his breath as he gripped the flesh of your ass, guiding your movements. Honestly, he didn't even need you to ride him to finish, just the look on your face, the perfect combination of love and lust, flushed red, slightly shining with sweat, fuck that was enough for him. He held on for as long as he could, hating the idea of not being in you anymore, but when you bit your lower lip, eyes hooded, he couldn't stop himself anymore.

"Fuck, I'm cumming."

To his surprise you immediately pulled yourself off him, stroking his dick in your hand, as he finally lost it, his cum splaying all over his abs and your stomach. He looked at you eyebrows raised as you, collected his cum with a finger and slipped it your mouth.

"Do not." Seokmin groaned at the sight. "Don't make me go again, I might just break you."

You laughed, dropping into the space beside him as he put his arm around you, pulling you closer.

"Why though? Wasn't all this for baby number two?"

"Yeah well, I don't think any of what we did was part of traditional baby making."

Seokmin laughed. "You're not wrong there but what about the plan then..."

"I think we can give ourselves some time before we execute our perfect life plan." You cupped his cheek. "Besides, I think everything is perfect already with you by my side."

You had no idea how long the two of made out after that, simply entangled with each other. Maybe it was until you both realised how desperately you needed to shower (though you continued to kiss and giggle under the water.) You only stopped when you stepped out and heard a soft whimpering in the baby monitor, prompting you to quickly get dressed and rush to Aera's room, Seokmin following behind.

He stood, leaning against the door as he watched you lift her into your arms and holding her against your chest.

"Why won't your daughter sleep Mr. Lee?"

"Again, I think she's taken after you Ms.L/n."

"It's Mrs. Lee." You corrected, making him smile.

As he watched you put your child to sleep, be didn't think he could love you any more. Little did he know, in a little over 9 months, mini Seokmin would make his way into this world, and Seokmin loved you more than ever.

[flamingpudding]

I now have ideas for Klarion is like Robin au

Batman was caught trying to make a contingency plan for Vlad after Tim said that he was like Ra al Ghul

Something happened were Dr. Fate need the help of Vlad and Klarion but all of them right now are and they're civilian identities so they can't help all but one

Cowboy Lassie

So Vlad takes the JLD puts Red Robin he's there to help cuz they need to get Nanda Parbat

Where are the Justice Dark League get to see Lassie in her cowgirl attire I'm talking standard western shirts boots jeans cowboy hat sunglasses I'm talking country

Along with the large horse made out of Lazarus pit be the biggest hater ever to her father as she literally explains that she hates him so much that she started a cult just to hate him

Vlad was just begging for her to help the only reason she does is cuz he brought up her ma

Dan was too busy to help because of the fact he's the head of the theater committee and had about it Danny has incredibly important meeting that he couldn't leave no matter what

And the rest of his kids definitely not going to help him

I should start feeling sorry for Vlad but this AU is just to funny to do so...

Good I love your ideas!

Also sorry if this is not up to how I usually write, I am kind of stuck in a bit of a writers block again thanks to my work....

Anyway! Here we go!

------------------------------

Red Robin, aka Tim, wasn't entirely sure how to go about this at first. Dr Fate had come by saying something about a threat for which they needed the help of 'Chaos' for a change and ranting about how 'Balance' was ignoring him currently because of something that apparently had happened a little while after their last encounter. Now normally this probably wouldn't be to much of a hurdle, if he hadn't tried to be a bit of a smart ass.

Because when he had heard about it Tim in the disguise of paying Dukes school a visit hat looked for Dan Master-Nightingale. Because obviously that was Klarion or rather the current Klarion and the 'Chaos' that could help them out, right? Yeah right...

Before Tim could even approach the other boy the teen had turned around sharply and glared with red eyes at him like he had personally offended him. Which he didn't by the way. Tim was pretty sure he hadn't insulted Klarion errr Dan recently.

"Screw off I got something to do here if we want the next school festival to be a hit. Tell you precious 'Order' to F off unless he apologises to Mom."

That had thrown Tim off a while lot. Because one, that meant Klarion knew who he was behind the Mask too and two, that brat was not going to be helpful or civil with him even out of masks. Not like any of the Klarions every had been but the current one definitely was the rudest among them. But that also meant no help from this agent of 'Chaos'.

Of course Tim wasn't one of the bats and birds for nothing. Bruce had contingency plans for Vlad since he had mentioned his suspicion of the man being like Ra's, so Tim when with the next possible option. If Dr. Fate meant with 'Balance' the Ghost King then they had a way of contacting them. Well not directly them but a contact that could, so he grabbed one of the plans, or part of it at least, and paid a certain millionaire a visit, as Red Robin of course.

It had taken a bit of back and forth, slight arguing in which the man was apparently very insistent in pointing out the time. Which fair it was close to midnight but it was important! In the end Tim had gotten the man to agree to lend them some help but after a phone call that apparently ended with the one on the other side hanging up on Masters themselves the man gave him a peeved look.

"We will have to change plans. Little Badger is not available at the moment and the other kids won't take my calls."

Tim didn't like the sound of that, not because of what Masters sort said about changing plans but the way he used the term 'Little Badger'. For now he would file that back into the back of his mind as his attention went to a map Masters pulled out and spread across his table. The man pointed at a specific place and Tim wanted to face palm. Because of course that man had more connection than just that questionable one between him, the Ghost King and the Klarions.

Masters was pointing at Nanda Parbat.

Good Bruce was going to love this. NOT.

So here he was now Red Robin, dragging a civilian Millionaire and a couple of the Justice League Dark members through the halls of Nanda Parbat as the man directed him where to go while dodging Assassins. For a brief moment he wondered why he hadn't dragged one of his siblings along before he remembered that at least two of them would be grating his nerves even thinner and Batman was busy helping the rest of the JLD containing whatever threat Dr. Fate found until he got the additional help.

A part of him was cursing as he dragged Masters by the cuff of his suit, (who the hell wears a suit when going into an Assassin cult base?!?!), to pull him out of harms way of another trained killer ready to strike the man down. Funnily enough these people all ignored Red Robins presence, like their leader didn't have a sick obsession with him and focused their strikes solely on Masters. That was good and bad, mostly bad but surprisingly the man was somewhat nimble for a civilian. Or there was even more to Masters than they were aware of which Tim also filed way into the back of his mind.

In the end after more or less fighting through half the hide out Masters lead him to a room, that oh great wonder who had thought it, contain the good damn Lazarus Pits! Red Robin wanted to hit that millionaire right now. He wasn't sure how the others present were taking this but he slowly was having enough of that Man.

Red Robin was really contemplating making good on his impulsive thought as a girl in full on cowboy style rose from the Pit waters.

They all, but Masters, blinked at her sudden and dramatic appearance. Masters took a step forward apparently wanting to speak to the girl and Tim only half heartedly because of his sense as hero tried to stop the man.

"Are you done with your cult nonsense, dear little Lassie?"

Red Robin in that moment felt a shiver go down his back when he saw the glare the girl directed at Vlad Masters as well as the room becoming several degrees colder. Mentally, this too, Tim filed back for later.

"No." Red Robin blinked under his mask as the girl snapped with her fingers and the Pit waters around her swirled a green horse appearing out of no where matching her style and he gaped even more the girl unapologetically pointed at Masers who apparently for once got a hint about dodging and ran away as the horse began chasing him.

A part of Red Robin felt like he had to do something to stop this and he caught one of the JLD members with them attempting to step in but the horse completely ignored them. The girl catching his look only waved them off dismissively. "Don't bother. Let Larus have some fun with him, before I sent the entire League after him again for stepping into my turf."

"Isn't Ra's Al Ghul...." He trailed off a little unsure how to proceed here.

"Oh he is sort of the Leader of my merry band of followers of hatred." Red Robin was about to speak again but didn't get a chance as the girl started to ramble on about the logistics of hating someone so much that you raise a cult just for that and the cult just so happens to still have a goal of its own but also are brainwashed to attack on side whenever Vlad Master is involved.

No Red Robin wasn't getting worried. Some of these statements definitely weren't worrying. That the League of Assassins originally was cult to hate just one man in particular was not a shocking revelation. Nor that the Lazarus Pits apparently were alive and also had a hate for Masters. Nor that this girl, Lassie apparently also was a daughter of the Ghost King. And it was definitely not worrying that she apologised for what her cult had done to her family and asked that maybe his older brother should see Vlad Master anytime soon.

Okay everything about that was worrying.

But for now they needed help with a bigger problem. But Red Robin did make a note of breaking back in into Nanda Parbat to have a enlightening talk with Lassie at a later time.

Thankfully after having listened to her rand and mentioning the Ghost King to the girl she did agree to help them. So original goal reached... but several new questions acquired...

[vectorisheree]

"You ever wonder what it would be like to wake up outside your own body?"

Holy shit!? Holy fucking shit????? Very surprised that they're actually acknowledging the fact that Eclipse was apart of Moon- practically was Moon (or is Moon, he was at least a fragment of old Moon, are we counting fragments as equal to the person, or ai, themselves?), since he definitely sees himself as Moon, referring to Moon’s body as his 'own'. Eclipse was discarded part of Moon, an unfavourable aspect of Moon that, instead of accepting it as a part of himself, Moon tore and ripped Eclipse, his killcode, from his code and abandoned within Sun, quite literally dumping his main problem on him (in him?)

And like, old Moon had some serious issues and anxiety over losing his bodily autonomy, being trapped in Sun again (to the point that another dimentional version of him literally ends up killing Sun for his, perceived, freedom) , and I'd like to assume that this trait is shared with Eclipse, who was once promised his own freedom through Moon's, only to have it stripped away, only to find himself still stuck, fragmented and alone. Abandoned, disposed of. Betrayed at the very least.

How could Eclipse ever forgive the man who discarded him and left him to rot? Personally, with the way things are going now, I don't believe he could, not on his own, not without some serious intervention (through Earth or new Moon, or whoever really) or guidance. Old Moon is dead, replaced by a convincing replica, nothing that new Moon says or could say about old Moon's actions would really get to Eclipse, both because of his current general distrust of Moon, but also because new Moon is a completely different person to old Moon, he can't apologise and atone for the actions of another, not in anyway significant, its just not the same. Eclipse holds a grudge against a dead man and he'll never reach a satisfying end for himself. What can he do? (Even in a dimention where Eclipse does get the star, his previous main goal, he never seemed too happy) I think that Eclipse will have to accept what has happened to him and that he can't do anything about it before he is able to move on and grow around his past.

"...Horrifying."

I was already working on an Eclipse rant from like last week as well, what a coincidence, so I'll keep this short (will post at some point this week or month or year) (My wording was pretty bad in the last part but I do think that an Eclipse redemption could be possible, just that it would take a lot of work from multiple parties)

[personasintro]

Hi, its me the yapper!! Once again!! 👋👋

I just wanted to clarify something that both you and other commenters seem to have gotten wrong; Whatever I said was incase of the scenario that you’re not feeling the story like you used to, so writing it has taken longer bcs you do not enjoy it as much but you still want to appease the reader. Hence the unwanted suggestions I made.

In my point of view, it seemed that way so I thought it was inevitable that you one day drop the fic because yes we’re getting older and busier and we drift away from things we loved. Thats why I said “is it really that serious?” because you obviously seem willing to keep writing but the wait has gotten so long that it looks like you’re doing it out of obligation(?!).

Looks like I misjudged and I apologise if thats not the case. But it came out of genuine curiosity because I just cant comprehend such long wait. Thats a me problem ig🤷‍♀️

So what I got out of your response is that yes we might/will see the end of mh in like 1-2 years? (more or less)I get that I sound bitter but I promise I am NOT lmao its pure curiosity I promise!!!

Ps to people who said that that was uncalled for or that its serious to me otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered; As I said I am an avid reader of mh so after a reread I thought I could share my thoughts? Like its genuinely not that serious even to me, I didn’t think twice before sending the ask I did it just because the thought crossed my mind. And l believe the whole waiting thing is a fact, so people’s opinions on it are very much called for?

Is it any of our business how long mimi takes to write? No🙂‍↔️. Are we as readers entitled to an opinion as long as we’re respectful? I’d like to think yes🙂‍↕️

Anywayss have a good one yall

i understood what you meant in your previous ask. and i still stand by what i said many times before – i do not hold here anyone against their will and if anyone feels like they're getting older and lose an interest in any of my stories, that's okay and it's their decision to make. i can't be responsible for everyone's feelings of how they feel about this exact situation. that's beyond my control and you're all free to feel however you want. i do wish people would be more understanding and respectful and that's why i said that no one knows what someone goes through. just because i'm no longer totally open about what's going on in my life, doesn't mean i don't care about my stories.

i'm not writing out of obligation. sure, i do feel a certain responsibility to make mh my priority even more than ever, but it's not an obligation. and i wouldn't just drop the story. i said this too, i'll finish this story whether it's for myself or for everyone else as well.

i said this many times before too – i'm in a position where i write whenever i can and want. i do not have any schedule, actually i never had one – but readers were used to more frequent updates and now, of course it's harder to get used to less frequent updates. but that's just life. i apologized when i never had to. my plans was always to finish mh asap (still is) but sometimes things don't go as planned and there are things i don't even have control of.

i respect your opinion and i'm merely explaining myself on this, hope it can be taken with respect and understanding as well!

have a good day everyone ☀️

[loquarocoeur]

question as charles says in chapter 2 of yours "h but they’re constantly fucking, I swear. In his bedroom in our mother’s house, can you believe it? We share a wall. He knows that.”

and if i remember correctly they ( as in charles and max) do eventully fuck in charles mother house

Will there a: ever be a fic of that?? and b: do these guys like the chancec of being caugth? have they ever been caught by someone? like family? and what were their reaction?? did it turn one of them on that someone (Max) cant keep his mouth shut due to charles and his dick? SOrry for all the ask i am just in love with your writing and i am trying to find fics that are as good as yours(hahah lol) are when it comes to both the balance of smut and fluff and lestappen in general❤️❤️❤️❤️

Mm idk if there will be a fic..

But I think they definitely have a thing for that someone might catch them, but as for actually being caught? Ummm no...

Like I think that time they did end up doing it in Charles' mom's just started out as them both genuinely thinking it'll be fine and they won't be that loud and then Max just cannot shut up, and I mean for Charles it's hard, but he can keep quiet, but Max is just not managing to and Charles keeps teasing him about how if he can't keep quiet, someone might come to check who's dying and catch them (they wouldn't, the door is locked)

But then Max like seriously cannot keep quiet to the point that Charles actually needs to put a hand over his mouth and it's still noisy, but he keeps teasing Max about it and Max keeps being turned on about it and yes Charles absolutely loves how much Max cannot shut up, it's very good for his ego so they just kind of keep going

And then Arthur is banging very pointedly on that wall that they share

And Max absolutely murders Charles.

Arthur obviously tells everyone immediately and I think Charles thought that he doesn't really care what other people think about his sex life, but I do think he is a little weirded out by his mother knowing they had sex in her house and if it's anyone else he gets a bit possessive thinking of them thinking about Max getting fucked (which they literally never are, they think Max is the top and Charles just never corrects them)

Meanwhile Max is actually just dying the whole time avoiding any conversation about it whatsoever (contemplating strangling charles)

But I definitely think they have been caught once or twice in each other's driver rooms or by housekeeping on holiday and such or just by Daniel coming in with his spare keys unannounced shortly after Charles moves in, which never happens again because there is lots of screeching and pillow throwing involved.

But just to clarify, I honestly don't think Max is embarrassed to be caught like not being the top or anything, I think he's just very private about actual sex just over all even though he makes a lot of jokes around the topic, just never about his actual sex life which is between him, Charles, and his google search history (and maybe a doctor when charles inevitably gets his dick stuck in plaster trying to make a diy silicone replica of his dick)

(and maybe Max is also just a little possessive of who gets to see Charles naked and hot and sweaty with his hair messy from Max's fingers because that's his Charles)

But honestly I think whenever somebody is to blame for them being caught, it is in fact Charles' fault, every single time, and he apologises profusely in between Max smacking him on the head with a pillow and plies him with kinder chocolates and kebabs, offers to lose at any video game Max chooses, tickets to football games etc.

And don't be sorry!!🥰❤️❤️ Thank you so much🥹❤️

[laura1633]

laura, i just read that bit about how the silverstone crash affected max so much. i have so many feels rn. unfortunately, i was not a fan of f1 back in 2021. i just want to wrap maxie in the fluffiest blanket and hold him tight until he feels the love so many people have for him. want to feed him warm tomato soup just the way he likes it and tell him over and over again that he's good enough and deserves so much more than the world offers him. he deserves more love. he is enough. just want to tell him that it is fine, darling. we are all human. sorry for the long rant. as i said, lots of feels.

No need to apologise at all anon. I have very similar feelings which is why I end up writing so many fics where Max gets so much love and praise. It's why I also love writing him as an omega getting fussed over and looked after. He deserves to be wrapped up in the fluffiest blanket and fed the best tomato soup!!

I have gone on a very long rant below the cut 😂 -warning for talk about Silverstone and the 2021 season but ending on a positive note.

Silverstone was an awful accident, the way it was discussed afterwards honestly showed the worst side of F1 to me. I do genuinely think that the impact of it was downplayed a lot. People seemed to have the impression that as it was Max it was "deserved" or "bound to happen at some point". I won't even go into the worst comments but they were vile, including some comments from people within F1 teams.

I cried so, so much when Max won that championship. I don't think I have ever been that emotional about a sporting event in my whole life but he so deserved it. He drove amazingly all season long under immense pressure placed on him both on and off the track.

I think Max has been treated unfairly for most of his career. He jumped into an F1 car when he was 17 so he made mistakes and had to mature on track. Some people will not let him forget any of those mistakes whereas I think other drivers have been given much more forgiveness. The reception Max got from some drivers was not as welcoming at it should have been to a literal child!

Netflix drive to survive also did not help, they completely mischaracterised him in order to make an entertainment show packaged up as a documentary and so people believed what they were seeing as fact.

Then we have the fact that Max has been up against British racing drivers when the bulk of the reporting press is British. The reporting over Austria 2024 gives an insight into how it can be!

However, it's not all doom and gloom and I do believe Max knows how much support he has. There are large groups of people who travel all over the world to support him, he has grandstands in multiple races, he even has his own store(s?) in the Netherlands. He is truly loved by so many fans.

I have been lucky enough to go Spa and Zandvoort and seen the love people have for him. On the walk from the station to the track in Zandvoort I was actually a little emotional because there were decorations lining the way and Max flags and people blaring music. It was a celebration not just for F1 but for their driver. It was a wonderful experience. They even named the trains going to the race the 'Max Express'. I am only saying all this because I think that sometimes it can seem that he is not popular but he really is. He is loved and supported by huge groups of people.

Sorry, when someone mentions Max I can't stop talking!!! I have so much to say I could talk for hours 😂

[zz0nie]

Genshin Hcs, Women EDITION.

Furina, Navia & Clorinde.

notes; im not the most familiar with the girls, ESPECIALLY clorinde, imo she's just not have enough screentime to deduct enough things out of her. :( Sorry if shes ooc

Furina

You definitely need to have high patience for Furina, as her outgoing performances of being Fontaine's Archon, she must act the part! Holding your hand - basically dragging you - across Fontaine. "Oh this would look AMAZING on you, simply amazing!" She would announce to the world as she is holding a piece of extravagant clothing against you. Maybe it was on purpose to let people know you were close, as it comes with a little matching trinket she also coincidentally owns. She wouldn't admit it to your face though.

Like previously; she would LOVE to take you places, whether it be sweet treat testing, clothes shopping or just being in awe at the scenery around you, for Furina would frequently be looking back to make sure you are enjoying yourself. If you point it out to her, she will - much to her dismay - refuse to admit she was looking at you and would in fact try change the subject to a cat she saw walking on the roof of a building behind you.

Would 100% LOVE to be fed cakes she enjoys, something humane and sweet while you are sat in her room together, as a recorder you were suggesting for Furina to listen to for a while runs quietly in the background. As much as she loves to be fed, she would tell you to open up and go "Ahh" as she gently places a small piece of a cake in your mouth.

She will talk a bunch on the return after watching a "performance", If you just admire her she will either become more flustered or will feel more entitled to keep on talking, you wouldn't mind either way. While she talks she uses her hands to communicate with gestures, as you sit across from her, head resting in your palm as you listen. Maybe take note on any if they have any romantic drama, she might be hinting at you that she wants something.

Will force you to come to meetings with her, and if it is with someone who makes her anxious, expect her to hold your hand and play with your fingers cautiously.

Has 0 shame in PDA, however, would prefer to keep it to a minimal of hand holding or hugs in public, she prefers to verbally tell the world you are hers and she is yours.

Navia

Many many Baking dates! If you can't bake, that's okay! Stir something for her! Or help her by cleaning something up. Just you being there makes her so happy you want to enjoy something she does.

Definitely goes and buys matching pendants for you, if you aren't that sort of person she will find an object that you can both hold dear to you. Such as matching teacups! She is a very flexible person when it comes to gifts. She loves buying you whatever she can, however she does prefer to stick to sweet goods.

Dancing in her kitchen together, or if you're alone any make-shift kitchen she creates in the moment. While waiting for the macarons to bake, you gently place your hand on her hip and lift her arm up, swaying slowly as she giggles and places her hands on you in return, gliding around as you twirl with her.

Loves it if you ask her for anything, any help, you two are there for each other so why not make use of it? She can become a very busy woman though, so don't go over boarding the requests!

She plays with her hair when she is nervous, just grabs a strand and twirls it in her fingers. If she doesn't want to be as obvious, the hem of her dressing will become her new best friend. Gently twisting the fabric on her hands, rubbing it together as unease sets over her. Hold her hand - give it a soft squeeze - let her know she is okay and you are there.

Clorinde

(once again, i apologise if this is ooc)

If anything does ever happen she's quick to find out and come to your aid, you are her priority. If you're clumsy she'll keep a box of aid on her at all times, due to this while you walk she will have an arm hovering around your side, as she isn't a fan of PDA herself, she will keep a distance between the two of you.

Practically acting as a bodyguard as most people assume when you are first spotted while walking together in the streets. No one will confront you or try straggle for higher prices around the two of you. It’s like walking a doberman, you have big scary dog privileges.

She will refuse to teach you her sword art. However, she will be 100% on teaching you how to defend yourself - if you don’t know how to - coming close and personal to you if you posture is off, standing right behind you as she helps you position yourself for defence or attack. She just wants to make sure you’re safe when she can’t be there to help you. Though, while you two are together, she's soft like putty, completely melts in your arms and just wants to relax. You are her safeguard at home when you are alone.

Clorinde is serious and always ready to take things head-on. This does not involve a private life full of fun and puns. She may be slow to catch onto sarcasm too, taking everything you say seriously - she wants the best for you - even if you made it rather obvious that you were joking. She, was not - which may have causes a couple small arguments or surprises.

She loves animals as much as she may not admit it. She’s probably had a few pets in her lifetime, so when she comes to you and you’re holding a stray kitten, she can’t say no to you when you both send pleading eyes her way. You didn’t think it would be that easy, but it was all worth it when you see the two of them on your sofa, sleeping together, Clorinde holding a protective hold against the kitten who’s snuggled into her neck as she’s on her side. Gently pulling a blanket and kissing her forehead gently you wish her a good sleep.

When Clorinde has to go for duty for longer than usual, you’ll see her gazing out into the window or door as she is in her office. She looks up expectantly as her door opens, however to her dismay it wasn’t you. Wow, how she missed you so much. When the person leaves her office she pulls out a picture you took of the two of you for her, with a small note on the back, “Miss you so much, remember to take care of yourself!” She looks, smiling at the picture before swiftly place bc it back in her pocket. Another person came in.

[artist-issues]

You're my new favorite blog! You have no idea how I wish I could peck inside your brain like a chicken. 😭😂😂 I am a Catholic and a recovering agnostic. I struggle with letting go of my old way of life and philosophy constantly, I have been struggling with it since the day I decided to revert - that was back in 2017. (I think you would like to know my journey back to the Faith started after watching HBO's The Young Pope! 👌🏼) At this point I don't know if I'll ever be the person the Lord wants me to be, oh well, I'll die trying and I know that will mean something.

I just know I can't go back to being a non-believer, because as Carl Young said, now I don't just believe, I know. The irony is my struggle to believe in something I know to be objectively the Truth.

I have a question for you though, actually I hope for some advice from you. How do I reconcile with the reality that I haven't become who I dreamed to become (like career wise), but now that a new career has been shoved upon me (a career my parents wanted for me - and they valued safety and stability over "following my dreams" I suppose)? ...which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because it is an extremely noble profession and it pays quite well.

The thing is, as much as I try to accept my new career, I keep telling myself and to others that I'm doing this for my parents and not because I want to be here. I feel terrible about it. But, again, it's not like I am unfulfilled (I am unhappy though, but that comes with the work culture/environment, I feel like I am surrounded by 40+ year old teenagers); as a matter of fact, I do think I know - objectively - in my heart that this is exactly where the Lord wants me to be? But I keep fighting against it, keep struggling against this sense of vocational calling that I'm feeling towards my new job, instead I desperately wanna give into my want to go "live the life I want." Like throw this all away, get new training and start all over with the career I wanted all those years ago.

I want to be better, to be sacrificial like Christ on the Cross. I've always known I had a little depression (comes with my disability from a young age and this whole dream thing); I have been suicidal over this, I actually used to joke with myself that I'd kill myself if I don't achieve my professional goals by the time I turned 25. I will turn 30 this September and even though I haven't been literally dead, I feel like I've been in a vegetative state - mentally - ever since the day I turned 25. I hope that makes sense.

I started seeing a therapist 2 weeks ago since my mental health started affecting my new job - she did say I have depression and is trying to help me but I just don't know if I want to be helped at all, because I am unable to do the exercises she tells me (like create a routine, exercise well, write down good thoughts, etc.) I feel like I'm failing myself, my parents and, most importantly, my Heavenly Father.

I apologise if this is nonsensical, I apologise for dumping all of this on you - random stranger on the internet - but idk I felt like maybe you'd have something wise to tell me to knock some sense into me (without a bump to prove it hehe).

Thank you and God bless! 🥰

You’re very kind, and I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share all this with me! I really never have anything good of my own to say, or any wisdom to offer, except what I “steal” from God…and I guess what I mean is, if I ever say anything helpful or good or true, I’m just the messenger. I didn’t come up with it. On my own I have zero wisdom or good things to offer.

Anyway, I was surprised reading this because I have gone through (been going through) a similar sort of mindset. I went to school for the career I dreamed about (still dream about) and I worked hard and I wanted it more than anybody around me (very Mike Wasowski in MU of me) and it hasn’t happened the way I planned, or in my timetable.

I mean, in all humility: I work with a studio making a tv show, but it hasn’t got off the ground yet, and I work for a company that writes movie reviews, but neither of those things pay my bills. I have a third job, working with therapists, that’s nothing like what I always wanted to do. That’s my “career,” but it’s not the career I’m passionate about and working toward. And I wonder if I’ll ever do anything “major” in the line of work I love and went to school for. And when I do, I have gotten into some really dark mental places.

Forgive me for not using the words “depression” or “suicidal.” I hate using those words because they’re overused and romanticized and flooding the culture. But more importantly I hate using them because the only thing I identify with is Christ, not any mental struggle I try to slither back into, like a snake trying to put back on old skin. I’m not my overthinking—I’m not my depression—I’m not my suicidal thoughts or emotions—I am one with Christ. Those are things inside me that are defeated and dead—the teeth have been knocked out of them. They just gum me from time to time. So I want you to know I empathize with you, but that’s my point and that’s how I want to answer you:

The only thing about you that really matters is Christ.

Who He says you are, what He has done and how He lived, which is applied to you because He said it is, by grace alone, through faith alone. No matter how you feel.

And I say that to you, as the answer, because I think you and I focus too much on what could be and what “should be” as if God has a set path for us, and if we don’t figure out what it is and walk it, we’ll have a less-fulfilling life. “If I stay at my therapy job and just work with teenagers and write on my blog for the rest of my life, I’ll be fine, but I won’t be as good as I could be.” Or for you. “If I stay in this career I’m in, the one my parents backed me into, I’ll make it, I’ll be fine, but I’ll never be as happy as I want to be.” We’re both thinking, every once in a while, “This is career is what God wants for me, and all my misery is coming from not submitting to it, and if I could just wrestle my contentment into place and give up the thing I want, and submit to what God wants, I’d be fulfilled.”

But how do we know any of those thoughts are true? How do we know God wants us in these boring old careers we wouldn’t have chosen—didn’t choose? Or, how do we know these boring old careers are what we’re stuck in because we didn’t take the plunge and work harder for our “dreams,” which were what He really wanted us to do? How do we know either of those things?

We don’t. We don’t get to know. That’s the point.

Because that’s not how God works. Not from what I can tell in the Bible.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”. Colossians 3:17.

Whatever you do. Not “the one specific thing you figure out He wants you to do.”

My mom described it to me once when I was in a really dark place trying to figure out what He wanted me to do, paralyzed with indecision, afraid He wanted me to do something I just didn’t want to do, like this: “God doesn’t hold out one flower and say, ‘this is the one I want you to have, so you can either take it or take something worse.’ God makes a field of flowers, and He says, ‘Which one do you want? Pick one, and do it with excellence for Me.’ Then just trust Him to make it good.”

It sounds like you’re in a career, but you are wrestling with whether or not to pick it, now that you have some autonomy as an adult, or to pick starting over. Well. Pick one. Just pick one. And trust God to take care of you. Trusting God looks like thinking it through with excellence, then making the decision—and making the decision means letting go of worrying about the thing you didn’t pick. “Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ.” Once you make a choice, make it all the way, and don’t let your mind wander anymore to “what if this blows up in my face? What if I should’ve stayed back there at the crossroads, or gone down the other path?” It’s going to be hard and God is going to take care of you, no matter what you pick. So don’t let your mind go to those places where you worry; acknowledge the worry, and every time, ask God to help you remember that He’s got you.

Because here’s the point, here’s the thing: He does have you. Because ultimately, your career really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t, it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Neither does your dream. Not ultimately. And now I’ll say “our” because I need to hear it too. Our dreams and careers are not the point of us, and our dreams and careers are not what God means when He says “I’ll take care of you.”

What He means is, “I’ve already taken care of you.” Because the most important thing isn’t our job or our dream. The most important thing is, we’ve been rescued out of eternally being trapped in our broken desires, and now we get to live for Christ, Who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. That’s the major. And that truth is where our fulfillment is supposed to come from, what our lives are meant for, our purpose. As long as we pick one, and do it with excellence to make the name of Jesus famous, with that goal in mind, we’ll be emotionally fulfilled. We’ll be satisfied. Because that’s the goal. Not making movies, or whatever it is you want to do. Not having secure means of living. Just…living our lives to make who Jesus is famous. We can do that wherever.

So then the choice? It becomes a minor, not a major, and the pressure of “will I be happy?” is off, because happiness isn’t found in that stuff. And whenever I forget, and start looking for happiness in my dreams, goals, career, that’s when it all starts to feel dark and stressful and hard and crushing. Because it was never meant to give me happiness or fulfillment—that’s a need only Christ can fulfill.

Don’t misunderstand me. He cares what you do. He cared about every decision you make, and He does have a plan. But that’s going to happen anyway. So just pray, consider which option is a) wise to go for and takes care of the responsibilities God has entrusted you with, b) which option you genuinely want, when your wants are not influenced by fears, and then c) step out and do it in faith. And do it with the mindset of, “I’m doing this, and I’m not thinking about the alternative if I can help it, and I’m also not putting all my happiness-eggs in this basket, because even if it crashes and burns, hey, I’m still one with Christ and I can still make Him famous no matter what road my career goes down.”

I hope this helps. It’s a subject I’m hamster-wheeling around in my mind right now a lot—but when I just fix my eyes on Christ and think about how the most important things, the things that give real joy and happiness, are already and forever taken care of and I can’t mess them up—then can get off the hamster wheel and enjoy the life He’s given me, right now, today, without worrying about the future.

[brellynotes]

reasons why tua s4 is a fever dream pt. 1

ok so we already know that one of the biggest fuck-ups in s4 is five's character, but here's some other stuff that make literally no sense in s4-

[1] they didn't even explain jennifer's backstory??? ok, so she has this particle called durango- how tf did it get in her? why was she in a whole ass squid??

[2] victor's powers used to be blue and his eyes used to glow the last time i checked?? if the change in how his powers looks is because everyone's kind of getting an update in their power, why does he have zero reaction whatsoever?

[3] the way the rest of the family completely ignored the cheating thing?? all they said was "wow did not see that coming" like no one addressed the fact that it was wrong? and that scene of grace (if i remember correctly) saying "screw is spelt s-c-r-e-w" i mean wtf how are they putting humour into this scene? cheating is serious shit and they put in these "funny" one-liners which are meant to distract us from how lila and five fucked up

[4] lila's family too- there was just one (1) shot where the camera shows her family members looking surprised and then no one ever brings it up again? as an indian i can confirm that even if you said the world was ending, indian relatives will definitely want to talk about something as serious as cheating

[5] ben being all like "i've been thinking about you since i met you" and "we're connected" like bro how do you know that? what y/n crap is this?? i physically felt myself cringe at those scenes god

[6] literally who are jean and gene really and how tf did they know about the cleanse

[7] lila, who was in love with and married and had three kids with diego got bored of living a regular life with him but spending years with five and nearly dying everyday was apparently fine like did you see that shit-eating grin she had on her face all the time

[8] she doesn't even apologise for cheating?? all she does is explain why she did- and cheating isn't something that has an explanation.

[9] diego and five die without ever reconciling. well, to be fair, how could they? five acted like he was right to encourage lila cheating? this point is more sad than 'not making sense', but i just can't bring myself to believe that when family is such a huge theme in this show, they end up ceasing to exist while holding a grudge against each other

[10] why exactly did reginald keep his wife's corpse on the moon?? why was luther protecting it? what is this gabriel agreste ahh crap

[11] "you hate bracelets" "no i don't" aside from this scene being really dumb, i don't think lila hates bracelets? like, remember the bracelet she made in the asylum and wore through literally all of s2? the one diego took and kept for her?

[moonlight-tmd]

Hello! I want to ask you about Shattered Glass God Sparkling au.

what is the relationship between Bee and his parents in this version? How does he get to Cybertron? How will his parents react to his situation? On his partners?

If it make you uncomfortable, sorry.

(I'll write that second time, but the first is laging, so yes) (Sorry if It hard to read, English is not mine own language)

Hi! No worries, Tumblr has a tendency to lag when sending asks sometimes.

An AU version of my AU, that's a first. Well, I like to imagine the roles are swapped even for gods; so Unicron is the good guy while Primus is the bad one. Unicron is still energetic as ever but he uses that energy and positivity to make good stuff happen, Primus on the other hand is more of an iron-fist ruler. Bee is a complete opposite of all of them; he's shy, quiet, a coward and a follower.

Now, you would think that means they don't like him- wrong. They love him just as much, in their own wicked ways. They are mesed up but they would do anything to keep their sparkling safe.

Even so it doesn't mean he can't get into arguments with his parents. Primus wanted him to climb the career ladder so he can one day influence Cybertron like he does. Instead Bee became a disappointment by failing and getting thrown into the lowest ranking job ever. To say the least, Bee hasn't answered any of Primus' calls since then.

After the team crashed on earth, he thought he'd finally have some peace to himself but nope- the moment he woke up he got bombarded with questions and concerns from Unicron (since he was on his planet n all). Bee also argued with him to leave him alone, after a while tho they decided to speak again and with Unicron's pushy attitude to know what's wrong Bee told him what happened. Of course Unicron was livid and threw hands with Primus the first chance he got, nonetheless he was there to support his bitty every step of the way.

In the original AU, the gods could manifest an avatar to interact with mortals. In Shattered Glass version, it's nearly impossible for them to do so- Primus has forged the Allspark to manifest a piece of his power in the real world, which also acted as a barrier that unabled any more celestial deities from manifesting there. Unicron is the only one who can somewhat bend that barrier and allow himself to talk to others via electronics. Other than that, their voices are only heard by Bumblebee in his helm.

As much as Unicron was trying to look out for Bee, he had a tendency to get busy/distracted therefore some of his check up visits were very much delayed to the point of it being another check up's date. I would say that in the meantime of that happening, a lot has happened for Bee; when Sentinel came to check up on the group, Bee had a forced talk with Primus. Primus apologised of course but he was still a bit disappointed. Then Decepticons arrived and Bee got in trouble for interacting with them.

The next time Unicron checked up on Bee, the bitty was pissed. Unicron said he'd be there for him and he never was. It took a long while for him to fix that mistake but even then their relations were a bit strained just like with Primus.

As for the relationships;

When Bee was together with Prowl, Unicron tried to warn him about the manipulation but Bee refused to believe it. He regretted being so foolish after he was rescued.

When Unicron learned about Bee being in a love triangle with Shockwave and Blitzwing he was elated to know his bitty is finally getting the overdue love he deserved. He supported them all the way, he miiight have pushed it a little too far with asking for grandlings that one time but he's still happy for Bee, regardless of what they'll plan.

Primus didn't know about anything until after the fact Bee was in a loving relationship. Bee never told him anything about his personal stuff in their rare talks, he didn't want his sire to spoil it all by saying it's not important. He got to accepting their bitlet's situation eventually and he's glad Bee was happy but deep down he still yearns for the plan he originally had for him.

I suppose that's all. I like the idea of them trying to be somewhat good parents but it doesn't go they way they want it half the time. Hope you enjoyed!

And yes, the love triangle is now canon to the AU, cuz why not.

[swanmaids]

little hurt/comfort snippet for one of my favourite canon couples, for @nolofinweanweek. cw for disordered food habits, past starvation and past enslavement.

Tuor has been smelling the sweet scent of rot for several minutes, and he cannot figure out where it is coming from.

It's nagging at him. He wants Idril to return from the private washroom that adjoins their rooms in Gondolin and join him in bed so they can fall asleep in one another's arms, but the smell is itching at his nose and he doesn't think he'll be able to sleep until he's located the source. And he thinks it'll be good if he can fix the problem before Idril returns. Idril is a princess — a princess who, inexplicably, married him — and she does not deserve to sleep in a bedroom stinking of rot. So he extricates himself from the blankets, smiling at the soft sounds of Idril washing up, and sets out to search the room.

Opening wardrobes and rifling through chests of drawers brings him no closer to the answer -- in fact, the scent seems fainter the further he gets from the bed. So, frowning, he kneels down and ducks his head underneath the bed.

At first, he can't make sense of what he's seeing. His call of "Idril, what --?" slips out almost without realising, but it summons her back to his side almost instantly, wearing only a towel but rabbit-fast on her silver feet.

When she sees what he's looking at, her face drains of all its colour. She sits back, hard, on her heels.

"Tuor --" she says, voice breaking around the word, "I'm so sorry --"

Under the bed is what was probably once an impressive bounty of fruit and vegetables. Piles of grapes, tomatoes, sheaths of corn, red and silver onions lie in various stages of decay, from furred and bruised to liquid and blurring into one another, juices soaking into the carpet.

"I'm so sorry," Idril mumbles again, and then, "please say something."

The thing is, Tuor is aware of Idril's tendency to be a bit funny about food, even if he's never seen it get this bad. Sometimes he wakes at night to an empty bed, and wanders through the empty city to find her pacing the greenhouses, or thumbing through the ledgers in the great kitchens. It makes sense -- for most of her childhood on the Ice, although her father and aunt did their best, she was hungry. It seems that some wounds never quite close, even after hundreds of years.

When Tuor had first discovered the pouches of nuts and wax-wrapped cheese she kept in her dressing table, soon after they'd married, she had laughed self-consciously, saying "you won't starve with me!" -- and then, upon remembering that Tuor had, in fact, starved in the not-distant past, fallen into profuse and completely unnessesary apologies.

So this new development isn't as shocking as it might otherwise be, is the thing. But Idril clearly thinks he's going to be horrified by what he's found -- one hand is pressed over her mouth, and she's crying quietly.

When the Vala of the Oceans isn't speaking through him, Tuor isn't always very good with words. When Lorgan held him, he never spoke to anybody unless he was forced to, and he thinks that at some point he almost forgot how to. But Idril asked him to say something, and he can't sit in silence while his wife is so distressed. So he tucks her into his chest, and strokes a hand over her hair.

"Please don't cry, love. It's alright. I'll get rid of this. It's alright. There's no need to apologise for anything."

"You must be disgusted," she says quietly. "I know this is hardly what you'd expect from Gondolin's princess."

"I could never, ever, be disgusted by you," he says, and means it.

"I don't know what I was even thinking. Grapes and onions... what was I even hoping to do with them? I think there's something really wrong with me."

Tuor just sighs, shakes his head, and holds her tighter. Breathes in the scent of her hair. They sit silently together on the floor beside the bed for -- he doesn't know how long, but his knees eventually begin to ache.

"I do wish you'd told me earlier," he says, "I could have helped, maybe..."

She makes a small noise in response.

"Do you think you could tell me, if you think it's getting bad again in the future? Hiding the food, I mean. I don't know that I'll be able to be any great help, but I promise I'll always listen, and there's nothing you could say that would disgust me, or turn me away from you."

She manages a nod at that. "Alright. I promise I'll try."

He can't really ask for more that. After all, it's not as though he doesn't have memories of his time as Lorgan's captive that he still can't give voice to.

Then Tuor does get rid of the rotten food. Idril shyly points him to places around the room where he finds various other hidden foodstuffs in varying states of freshness, and he throws them out too. He fetches Idril and himself a mug of tea, because if the evening's conversation has left him feeling wrung out and exhausted, then it must be worse for her. And then he puts them both to bed, wrapping himself around her back as though he's trying to make himself into another blanket for her to cloak herself in. Whatever the morning brings, he promises himself that he'll be by Idril's side to face it with her.

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

I didn't watch the James Somerton apology video because I didn't want to give him the views, but I did watch a react video that showed basically all of it. The whole thing felt so disingenuous.

He admitted to plagiarising (I think at this point he basically had to) but the way he framed it really downplayed what he did. If you hadn't seen the evidence against him and just saw this video, it would be very easy to come away with the impression that it was a few, minor mistakes.

He talked about crediting people in the opening of his videos, implying that he credited everyone, just not at the exact point he was using their words. We know this isn't true.

He also talked about how he would copy bits into his script, intending to reword them later, but then would forget because of his "memory issues". This is a problem for so many reasons. Firstly, it implies that he thinks it's fine if he paraphrases enough that you can't find the original by putting the words into Google, even though he's still taking other people's ideas without credit. So even if this were completely true, it would still be plagiarism. Secondly, even if his memory issues are real, there would be so many ways to make sure these "mistakes" didn't happen. He could have highlighted text in a different colour to show it needs reworking. He could have written the source in brackets in the script next to the section so he remembers where it came from. This is the sort of thing that you could do once or twice by accident, but after the first few accusations of plagiarism, you would learn a way to make sure the mistake didn't happen again. You wouldn't keep doing it for years. So even if he isn't making up the memory thing completely, it wouldn't be an excuse after all this time.

He talked about using other people's work because he didn't want to just be one cis, white guy talking about important topics and how he wanted to bring other people's voices and stories into the discussion. And this is such an infuriating excuse, because he was talking over those other voices and silencing them by stealing their words and passing them off as his own.

Half of his video was him going, "This is no excuse but..." and then spinning a sob story to get the audience's sympathy.

Then there are all the things he didn't talk about. He didn't acknowledge the video pointing out the many, many ways he made stuff up in his videos or apologise for the blatant lies. There was a tiny hint about "factual errors" that was quickly glossed over.

He didn't talk about the fact that when he got accused of plagiarism the previous times, he would lie about being harassed and set his followers out to bully the people who had called him out. If you didn't know better, you could come away from this video believing that this was the first time anyone had ever caught him plagiarising.

And I think that's the point. This wasn't a video aimed at the people he's hurt or the internet in general. This was a video aimed at his fans who haven't actually watched the videos laying out the evidence against him. He downplays what he did, spins out a sob story, and then makes an apology and promises to do better in the future. I can easily imagine his fans watching this and thinking that the uproar has been overblown because poor James has got memory problems and he did put people's names in the video credits and people on the internet are being so mean to him. I think there are people who will watch this video and believe his apology because they're only James' side.

If James was remotely genuine, he wouldn't have described what happened the way he did, but the people who know the truth aren't the target audience. The target audience are the people who already like him, so he can get some control of the narrative back and stop those people from listening to everyone else.

[heronchildlove]

Ok, so I don't have the energy for a proper fic but I can't get this idea for a "drama student moonlighting as a live model for art classes to get some extra bucks" Matthew au out of my mind and it's gonna drive me crazy if I don't share it, so here it is. Under the read more cause it got a bit long:

Thomas heard Alastair is attending that specific art class but he is too nervous to go alone so he begs James to go with him.

James is all "Tom, I can't draw a straight line, WHAT am I going to do in an art class????"

He goes anyway because Thomas is his cousin and he isn't going to let him down and just resigns himself to drawing the worst fruit bowl any human has ever seen.

Except the teacher walks in accompanied by the most beautiful guy James has ever seen instead and he barely gets to register this is a life drawing class because he is too busy gawking at the guy and omg he just winked at James and his entire brain short-circuited.

The guy's name is Matthew and he is a drama student and he is very happy to be there and be able to help and of course the guy is an actor, James thinks, he looks like a renaissance painting and sounds like an angel.

The teacher sends the guy into a back room to get ready and James tries to pull himself together and pretend he knows what he is doing as he tries to set up his paper and charcoal. He was going to ask Tom for help but he is already busy trying to start a conversation with Alastair and he doesn't want to interrupt them but it's ok he thinks he has got this.

That is, until Matthew comes back in a robe and, and on a cue from the teacher, takes off the robe and does his first pose, and James thinks he is hallucinating because it seems like he isn't wearing anything under the robe.

Oh. My god. He isn't wearing anything under the robe.

He pokes Tom and very vehemently points that out and asks what the fuck happened with the fruit bowls and Tom just looks at him like he is crazy because of course there are no fruit bowls, he had told Jamie it was a live model drawing class.

James is pretty sure Thomas DID NOT tell him that and, even if he did, how was he supposed to know that meant it would be a nude model class????

Worst thing is that aside from some initial awkward giggling no one else seems to really care there is a guy naked in the middle of the room aside from James.

And yes yes he knows the human body is natural and there is nothing wrong with being naked and it's for anatomy practice and the artistic view and all that but James is 1 very much not an artist and 2 still very much attracted to the very naked guy in the middle of the room.

In fact there is nothing about him that takes away from the impression he is the most beautiful guy James has ever seen or will ever see again in his life.

James decides he is going to be the slowest artist to ever exist and spend the whole class on Matthew's face and not look down in any way until it all finishes.

(Though Matthew makes it pretty hard when the teacher gives him a break and he decides to stretch his arms out over his head for a bit).

James has never been happier for the end of a class than when the teacher announces that's it for today and that they can go and thanks Matthew for helping them out because it means Matthew is finally putting the robe back on.

James puts all the things Thomas had lent him away as fast as he can and wants to drag Thomas by the arm so they get away from there as fast as possible but of course Thomas is stalling so he can talk with Alastair a little more and James wonders if aunt Sophie and uncle Gideon would be very mad if he strangled their only son.

But as he is starting to consider just dragging Thomas away for real he hears a "hullo" and when he looks to the side, Matthew himself is there smiling at him and he gets torn between short-circuiting again and worrying that Matthew is there because he saw James ogling him and is about to slap him for it so he immediately starts apologising.

Matthew doesn't get why he is apologising and there is no way James is explaining that so he says it's his first class like that and he felt awkward for staring (which is true).

Matthew chuckles and says he wouldn't be trying to be an actor if he minded people staring at him. Specially other beautiful people with artistic souls.

James wonders if he is crazy or if Matthew just called him beautiful. He tries to deflect by saying he is also sorry for the atrocious drawings he made of Matthew because he isn't an art student and is just there to give his cousin moral support.

Matthew says it can't be that bad and tries to get James to show the drawings to him but that is one mortification James has no intention to go through, thank you very much.

The teacher calls Matthew back to discuss something for the next class and Matthew tells James he is going to keep helping out for the next 2 weeks and he would love to see him there again.

James gives a non-committal answer and vows to himself he is absolutely never ever setting foot on that class again.

(But when Thomas asks him to go with him again next class, the fight he puts up is just for show.)

[marengogo]

So i have seen many jkkrs say that jkkrs and Tkkrs are the same yet at the same time they say that jkkrs needs to stop or they would become like tkkrs after some yrs so which one is it exactly? Are jkkrs nd Tkkrs same or not yet?

I have a question for you, so over the yrs i had shit experience with armys, i know someone who's got harassed by armys to the point of stalking them for month long. Although my own experience is not as bad but yeah it was hardly ever pleasant. So can i go ahead and and generalize armys and say armys are a shit Fandom? I mean there's too many ppl that has been harassed by armys even the celebraties because of which they even fear to mention BTS cause they don't wanna get dragged by armys and that's ig the most feared Fandom even by BTS's frnds. The fear comes from harassment. So do i get to say the whole Fandom is shit? Or can i say it's same as the hateful bp fans? Do i say there's no difference between armys and any other Fandoms who harass ppl online?

Another question is why are ppl expected to like all 7 members? I hardly vibe with celebrities so anyone expecting me to love 7 celebrities suddenly is something i can't do. I mean it's not because i don't want to it's simply because i don't vibe with each one of their personalities and even their artistry. Some members might have personality traits that i don't like and their music is also not my type so why am i expected to like them? What remains there for me to like about them? Am i not allowed to like ppl based on my choice, interest? If ppl are ot2, ot4 etc etc why do others immediately assume you're anti of other members? I mean as long as i ain't hating on any members online how am i an anti??

I saw some discussion about these things and of course I know you're aware of that too so i wanted to ask someone about these things cause i genuinely find it unfair to generalize ppl and expect everyone to like everyone when as a human many ppl literally dislike besties of their siblings etc so this expectation is something that doens't sit right with me. I know ppl say it's said by BTS but again i know for a fact that all members know they all have solos and as long as you're not shit talking about any members I'm sure they would be fine. In chapter 2 all members have gained their own solo fans and in future as well if they try something in diff fields like acting n all they'd again gain solo fans who won't always love all members and I'm pretty sure all members are aware of that.

I'd love to know ur opinion on this. English is like my 3rd language so my vocabulary is limited so sorry if things sound rude or something but it's a genuine question where I'm expecting a genuine answer and not a sarcasm. Hope u understand.

Hello there, my English-Is-Not-My-First-Language Anon,

As a person who speaks Japanese, another European language, and is learning Korean, your command of the English language is excellent, and in all honesty, I’d say that it no longer requires you to apologise in my opinion. I used to apologise a lot while speaking Japanese the first years, but now I feel like that makes me look disingenuous, so I’ve stopped.

Also, one last thing before I reply to your ask, I’m giving you a pass because I am hoping your tone was lost in translation, as you said, but, for future reference, do not tell me what and what not to do, okay? You are coming to my page with a grammatically correct, but tone-deaf essay, so if I give you sarcasm, sass and savageness, it is because I usually match the tone I am presented. But once again, I’ll take it easy on you. 

TIP💡: If you don’t want to sound confrontational words like please, should, would, could go a long way. Like the I’d love to know you used is 👌🏾, but expectations usually come off as rude when you are requesting something from someone.  

Let’s begin with your J1kookers vs T4ekookers question. If you have some time please do read my Shipping & All It’s Shades posts, it will explain quite detailedly where I stand on this. I wrote this in 2022 and back then I didn’t realise that the answer to my ??? was quite simple, which is; I’m not a shipper. 

You see, with them, it is always a competition. One day a toxic T4ekooker will find out that JK smiled at Tae at a different 45 degree angle than he does to other members, so then toxic J1kookers will prove that in fact he does smile at 90 degree angle but only with JM … and so on and so forth. These competitions become really nasty at some point and they always leave me thinking: do they even really care? 

If they did care, they wouldn’t care about what JK does with Tae, or what JM does with Yoongi, etc … they’d just want to cherish JK & JM’s bond and hope that if needed one day, they could be of support. From where I stand, the majority of T4ekookers and an increasing minority of J1kookers, just use the Maknae line as pawns in an imaginary love-war they’ve created and are each desperately trying to win, so I don’t really care for either.

If I may also candidly add, I am giving you answers based on the same information you supposedly have, so I’d hope you are not waiting on me to tell you “J1kookers are not as bad as T4ekookers, follow them!”, cause nah, that ain’t me bro. Please reach your own conclusions, just like you did on the rest of the post.

Moving on to said rest of the post; I don’t own you. If you want to generalise and say that AMI are pisses of shit, that they are just as bad as bl1nks, or whatever worse thing you can think of, you go on ahead and do that. If every experience you’ve had with 0T7 AMI was hazardous and you’ve made your conclusions, it is a bit nonsensical for you to come to me, an OT7 AMI, for permission to dislike, don’t you think? You don’t need permission to dislike and I am not going to beg you to like me. That being said, FYI, I have never once harassed anyone on the world wide web and don’t plan to either, but that is just me, one AMI in a sea of thousands of AMIs.

In fact, there are presently 48.5 million people following the BTS’ Blue Bird account. How many do you think are AMI? How many are just GP? How many are just antis and solos keeping tabs? Let’s say that only 1/10 are AMI, that would make it 4.9 million people; did you get to interact with all 4.9 million people to conclude that AMI are BAD? If so please let me know, cause technically you’d have to exclude me from that, as this is the first time we are interacting, and I don’t think I’m harassing you. 

By the way, fun fact, I am also not too fond of many Blue Bird AMI myself, but if you go on B4NGTANTV they have 79 million subscribers, which is at least another 20 million people to keep into account, or if you want to only consider 1/10, it would be 2 million which … I don’t know about you but  … generalising over millions is tough, still doable, because you did have your bad experiences, which we are not going to discredit, but … it’s a lot of people to mass all together under the one label “BAD”, don’t you think? But once again, it is your right to think as you will, feel and/or need.

Last but absolutely not least, why are ppl expected to like all 7 members? I can’t speak for every AMI, but me, I don’t need anyone to like all 7 members, that’s why biases exist, but I do expect for people to at the very least respect all 7, which is why solos shouldn’t exist. This is a band that was literally presented to you thank to the blood, sweat and tears of K1m N4mjoon, K1m Se0kjin, M1n Y0ongi, Jun9 H0seok, P4rk J1min , K1m T4ehyung and Je0n Jungk0ok. In more than one occasion they have expressed the importance they have to each other and how important it is for them to still be a team even while doing solos activities. 

So you don’t have to like member x but you should respect the fact that without him, and all the others, your fave would not be here in his present capacities. In the same way that without your fave, none of the other members would be here in their present capacities either. I am not asking anyone to go around waving a Y0ngi Marry Me flag, if you don[t like him, but when he is in need of help I would appreciate your help, for the simple fact that without him there is no 875 and without 875 our boys would probably not bounce back very well. They’d each be super successful, sure, some more than others, guaranteed, but would they be happy? Would they be mentally and emotionally okay?

Solos, just like shippers, are a cancer waiting to spread, and some of them don’t even realise that. Many of them become solos because they resent AMI for something they might have said and done to the member they like, so such sentiments, in no way can be the result of anything healthy. AMI is not perfect, never was, and never will be, but we are the fandom they named, so we are the voices they will listen to mainly. So for the most part, we have to be strong and push through many a time, because I know that when they need to reach me, they are not going to look for me within their solo fans, but within AMI, even when nowadays hate tweets get up to a whopping 120k likes which is A LOT, but it is still not even close to 1 million. 

As you rightly said the members know that they have solos fans, on different occasions they have referred to AMI & fans during their chapter two. Yet when they introduce themselves, they are always and still Member x of 875, aren’t they? If you want to find information about your fave on WEVERSE, you are still going to click on the BTS community, don’t you? In contrast, J3nnie from bp has a page all for herself, even though bp are supposedly still together.

Doesn’t this kinda makes you think that, if anything, being together as a group is important to each of them? So if it is important to each of them, shouldn’t this be important enough for us as well? At least important enough to have us respect their decision to be still considered a unit, while still pursuing solo global domination? Once again, you don’t have to like them, but you should respect them, all seven of them. 

And that's it from me. I hope I’ve answered all your questions satisfactorily. I have nothing else to add, but if I could make a wish for you, I wish you find the good side of AMI, it is easier to find them IRL to be honest, the world wide web is full of people wearing so many masks, you really can’t be sure of who you are talking to. When I first got into 875 I did it by myself. Watched RUN BTS by myself with reactors on YT, researched the albums by myself, watched lives by myself while checking live translation on the Blue Bird app, where to this day I don’t actually interact, just watch and get information and screenshot 😬🤡. 

Then I came here and I was blessed enough to find 3 people whom I adore, but I didn’t set off with the intention of befriending AMI, to this day they are actually the only AMI I talk to, I am not in GCs and don’t really care to be either. I am a bit of a lone wolf. So good luck Anon, I mean it, wherever you can, please be open minded and try to use critical thinking as much as possible, and even better, if you can, don’t let a few stains ruining the big picture.

Always respectfully yours 💜🫰🏾,

Marengo.

[bau-drabbles]

oh.. sexualising old men time?? (NOT) gideon anon here :3 i’d like to believe that gideon would be the sweetest partner ever (like remember that date he had when he was in the cabin?) and i really think that if you’re stressed out about work, gideon would be by your side in an instant and listen to your rambles or even hold you close when you need someone to 🥹 that being said, he’d draw out your orgasms nice and slow, really making sure every part of you is tended to and cared for till you’re putty in his arms. i can see this being played out as you’re leaning into his chest with your back against him, in his lap, and his fingers gently swiping against the folds and applying pressure at just the right spots while he peppers kisses against your cheek and temple and talking about how good you are or even gently telling you to pay attention to the movie as he dips his fingers into you, carefully fingering you with his pointer and middle finger (but let’s be honest your mind is a mess with all that soft squelching sounds from how aroused you are??) you can feel him harden beneath you and when you beg for him to let you take him he’ll smile and shake his head, saying that this night is all about you and its for you to relax <33 what a gentleman !! makes you cum a few times before he cleans up and tucks in you in bed … ugh what a darling

buuut if you meant aaron hotchner,,, can you imagine make up sex with him? imagine getting into an argument with him that made you exchange not so pleasant words which practically made the both of you blinded with anger ?? can you imagine going out on field and missing the way he calls out for you to stay back and so you get caught in a crossfire that almost risked your life?? aaron at the verge of tears as he holds you close once the unsub was caught and immediately begging and apologising to your unconscious body while you were on the way to the hospital?? aaron sobbing out broken apologies the minute you wake up?? aaron kissing the back of your hand gently as he sits by your hospital bed watching you hold back tears and move to cup his face?? feeling the stubble since he’s been with you for days and was too worried leave you for long?? okay but. the make up sex once you’re feeling muuch better and back on your feet? aaron would be between your legs for hours on end if you let him, letting your legs tremble and squeeze against his head as he laps at that one particular sensitive spot .. or maybe his slow thrusts into you and he hugs you close, revelling in the way you claw his back from overstimulation but also tearing up as he spills out yet another string of apologies, kissing your shoulders, cheeks and neck :( he whispers how he would never doubt you again — that you just mean too much to him and that he’d do anything just for you to be safe in his arms everyday. between the heavy pants and frantic kisses, he still holds you close and mutters how you’re one of the best things in his life :( sad but horny aaron hotchner would drive anyone insane

MY LOVE WE RLLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS 😭😭

but SAD HORNY HOTCH?????? 😭😭😭😭 pls yes yes yes the yearning!!!!! the pain!!!! the pure desire as he leaves no stone unturned when touching your body!!!! the stubble alone would send me but the fact that he would be there by your side every second of every day :(( unable to concentrate on anything but you. hoping and praying that someone out there will help you. his team getting so upset because they've never seen their unit chief this distraught :(( all he needs is someone, anyone, to tell him you'll be okay. he needs your pretty fingers squeezing his fingers, to show him you'll be okay again

AND the makeup sex??? 😵‍💫😵‍💫 poor baby would definitely shed tears as he enters you, because he genuinely believed at one point during the hospital he could never be between your arms again. he gives you so many orgasms, truly the feeling in your body is borderline pain and pleasure now. he can't even help himself, his strong arms holding your waist, unable to leave your warm body as he thrusts into you again and again. you can feel his tears against your skin, trying to soothe him but he can't. even if you're right here, in the most intimate position ever, he can't help it. he really thought he had lost you. his lips never stop saying your sweet name, giving kisses over and over as if you're a drug and he's lost all control

shut up i'm yearning so bad now 😭😭🤲🤲🤲