#at some point in the future: there will be more where this came from :) iykyk

[godsfavoritescientist]

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me

[desidarling123]

SAB Scene Breakdown: Inej's Hallucination

OK, so I had actually been meaning to write and publish some meta on this particular scene (and just tons of SAB S2 meta, in general) in the weeks after the second season of the show came out. But life has been crazy recently, so I truly never found the time.

However, I reblogged a certain gifset a few days/weeks ago, slapped some tags on it, and realized there might indeed be some interest in some more #detailed thoughts.

The analysis that follows is at a pretty minute level of detail (and all of course based on MY views) so... take that with a grain of salt.

Also - fair warning - it's long as hell 😂 but entertaining, I hope!

I find this whole sequence in general super fascinating - it's one of my favorite scenes in the second season, and one that's also arguably subject to the absolute worst takes in fandom (iykyk... and if you don't, well, you're about to find out.)

So, let's get into it:

We start off strong with a very specific choice, made early on: it's not Inej seducing Kaz; rather, it's Kaz who's drawing Inej into this vision.

I get a bit more into the broader implications of that a bit later, but it's definitely important that it's done this way, rather than the other way around.

It's also, very notably, an inverse of this scene from a few episodes earlier:

What's unique about that previous scene is that in that moment, he's deliberately pushing her away (for reasons, mind you, that she's not entirely privy to, but definitely hurt her regardless - even if she pretends not to care about it to his face later on).

This is different. Instead of pushing her away, he is asking her to stay.

The choice of words is specific too: the word 'disappear' most obviously references her status as his spider. But it might also be an apt description of her own personal trappings, of 'disappearing' when in the throes of trauma-induced pressure.

Some atmospheric details I love:

Their IRL confrontation was in his office-cum-bedroom (👀shutup), a tiny, crammed space that matched the tension of that scene. This is the opposite of that - the room has a more open layout, imbuing the whole sequence with a more relaxed vibe. We can even see his cane chilling on the table behind him, just in reaching distance.

The DeKappel painting which they jointly stole in the books (and presumably on the show as well) is behind them.

Fire burning as a symbol for latent passion is not exactly groundbreaking imagery, but don't fix what ain't broke, amirite? :P

Malina, very notably, gets the same fire imagery treatment in their own love scene as well:

Will it show up again in a future season for kanej? Between that and, well, the recurring church imagery, we're in for a tossup, folks

But anyways. Back to the scene at hand.

You'll notice Inej goes back to a formal stance, hands behind her back, like she's preparing for a debrief or for an assignment. It's for a few seconds, if that, but it shows that she's grasping at some semblance of normalcy in this decidedly not-normal vision.

That facade lasts for all of, two seconds, tops, when he does this:

It's sexy! It's intimate! There's knives involved!

Okay, but seriously, for the sake of time I actually will not get into a deeper discussion of the ~implications~ because I'm sure it's been done a zilllion times before and it's also fairly obvious lol

Now, the one thing I *do* want to pivot to here is that by this point, both Inej and the audience understand that there is something very subtly yet fundamentally different about hallucination!Kaz.

But what is it?

Speaking on this scene, Freddy Carter had a quote (that I cannot be arsed to find rn) where he basically said that he deferred to Amita when playing hallucination!Kaz because "she (Amita) knows better (than I do) what it is that Inej likes about Kaz"

And what is it, exactly, that she likes about him? The next few gifs tell all, using actions rather than words.

This is her reaction to him pulling her knives from her. And what I find so interesting is that she is so (rightfully) startled....

But that is absolutely NOT the expression on his face at all.

In fact, he's remarkably self-assured.

And THAT, I think, is the crux of 'what it is she likes about him', as Frreddy said.

She likes his decisiveness, the single-minded precision with which he operates.

She's seen him apply it to every last scheme, every seemingly-hopeless situation... to damn near everything in the world, really, but her.

But here, in the depths of her hallucination, he does.

There are none of his usual hangups, none of their typically frustrating back-and-forths.

No. Here, he doesn't hesitate. He wants her, and he makes it known.

Striking, sexy stuff, to say least.

Let's go on:

Nothing to add here except that I'm obsessed with the way their heads turn at the same time here.

It's funny, because for all their personal hang-ups when it comes to physical intimacy, these two are SURPRISINGLY physically attuned to each other.

Goes to show, really, how much both of their problems are in their heads (obviously) -- and how, when they're actually ready to heal, relying on their intuition may be a better approach than getting too cerebral about it.

Again, Kaz does not break eye contact with her here, and it's such a contrast to what he might have instead done if this were happening in real life - in fact, does happen, in real life, though I'd argue that isn't exactly his fault.

I love that we get a moment where Inej looks down and sees his hand hovering near her waist, just so that it's made explicitly clear what he's asking for and what the ~implications~ are.

And then, she says yes! Enthusiastically, I might add.

Not but seriously the sheer want, the little touch of eagerness on her face kills me here. She's never had this experience before - has only ever known men violating her in the most horrible way possible - and yet this tiny little thing, of Kaz asking her for consent, means so much.

Oh my God Kaz is so sexy here sorry no words anyway carrying on.

Now even after she said yes you can see this sudden little beat of hesitation on her face, like she's maybe not sure what's going to happen or if Kaz is going to do what she asked. For her it's a moment of incredible vulnerability, even though Kaz is the one sort of making the advances on her - because this one time, she actually gets to say yes.

I think that shot of his arm going around her waist is so gorgeous and so sensual - but as we pan up we can see that maybe all isn't well.

Now, Amita also really does a fantastic job at portraying the turbulence of Inej's emotions -- she goes from clearly wanting it and saying 'yes', to visibly panicking once he acts on it. We see her shift around in his grip and even swallow nervously, blink-blink-blinking herself back into the moment.

Her response is reminiscent of this passage from the books:

But what might have happened if he'd spoken that night? If he had willingly offered her some part of his heart? What if he had come to her, laid his gloves aside, drawn her to him, kissed her mouth? Would she have pulled him closer, kissed him back? Could she have been herself in such a moment, or would she have broken apart and vanished, a doll in his arms, a girl who could never quite be whole?

You can see the very beginning of that sort of panic start to set in, here. This is completely uncharted territory for Inej - her own desire, the shame and baggage that comes with it, is all getting uncovered for the first time in what is arguably the 'safest' way possible - within the confines of her own mind - and yet, she's still panicking.

More on that in a bit. Let's keep going.

Anyways well Freddy's got a huge hand sorry anyway 

I love the way she closes her eyes here. And you can see again it's not without effort - like there's still conflict within her, you can see all of those different emotions warring within her - but she is trying to let herself have this moment. She's trying to take comfort in this touch that she so desperately wants and yet hasn't had any sort of good connotations with in recent history. 

She also opens her eyes just as he starts to lean in and I think that was a great, deliberate choice on Amita and Freddy's part.

It's that precise moment, really, when it becomes super super clear to her what's about to happen.

No notes, I just really love this forehead lean, it's that little bit of tenderness and intimacy that she's been subconsciously craving.

 Again, it's fascinating to me that we can see all of Inej's nervous tics coming into play here, but for hallucination!Kaz there's absolutely no hesitation at any point whatsoever.

It looks like, for all intents and purposes, he is going to kiss her.

And then at the very very last second you see him move back, ever-so-slightly --

and then she moves all the way back and delivers her line:

Ouch. Like a punch to the gut. True, but still ouch.

Now one could probably ask, in hypotheticals: why didn't he actually kiss her at this moment? And the answer to that simply is: this is her hallucination, you know? Even though she's not conscious of it (she's dying lol), she's the one with all the power, here.

And truthfully, whether she knows it or not, nothing is going to happen in her hallucination if she doesn't want it to.

But wait, you might say. Doesn't she want to kiss Kaz?

Like that original excerpt from the book indicates, it's complicated. Everything pertaining to desire generally will be, for her.

Not that her subconscious doesn't put up a good ol' fight. Hallucination!Kaz, you have to remember, isn't so much Kaz as he is a very precise amalgamation of her own memories and desires.

And boy, does he make a good argument:

The word want, again, spoken so directly here - it's that sort of straightforward speech that neither party is actually really capable of (at this point) in their arcs, not when it comes to each other.

Again, Kaz is behaving perfectly in the prescribed character of his hallucination persona - direct, confident, not rattled in the slightest.

It's interesting also that he doesn't say: this is real. He isn't able to lie to her in her own fantasy, but he does instead tell her exactly what she wants to hear, which is arguably even more dangerous.

And what I feel so terrible about is you can see this tiny little spark this little bit of hope on her face that she has.

She wants to believe this so so badly. She wants it, damn it!

So this time, she actually moves closer, crosses that distance between them. 

You can't see it super well in this gif, but you can see a little tiny muscle twitch in her jaw, a nervous swallow as she's bracing for him to kiss her the second time. And once again, Kaz isn't hesitating, there isn't any note of that discordant thing that they have in real life from his end.

Now another thing that drives me crazy is people claiming that they did kiss in the scene like bro. Bro. Freddy and Amita did not shoot this scene at no less three separate angles for you to tell us that they kissed!! They didn't kiss, they make it incredibly obvious that they did not kiss, and if you're the one person on planet Earth whose definition of a kiss is front lips brushing for .0000000002 seconds then I'm sorry, you belong to a different category, okay?

And again, that was on purpose! It totally would have defeated the purpose of this particular sequence if they had (and would've given detractors of this scene a real leg to stand on - again, more on that at the very end.)

But as it stands, they don't kiss, and that's also kind of critically why this isn't just a sexy scene to watch back.

AND THEN (I'm out of allowed images HAHA) she pulls away. And she says the words that end it all - This isn't real. This is the poison.

The premise of the hallucination is completely shattered, and she looks so heartbroken, but she's finally able to articulate what she's really known this whole time, and that is that nothing she's seeing is real. It is a lie being fed to her by her poison-addled brain as her body slowly succumbs and dies (dark).

But you know, she does get out of it through sheer willpower, and we love her for that - but oh man but what cost?

This particular sequence is definitely a catalyst for her changed behavior going forward. I do actually wish it had been a little better handled in the show (as in, better supported by dialogue in scenes before and after this one) but regardless - this scene is a Big Tipping Point and starts what is essentially a pseudo-regression arc for Inej (paraphrasing Amita directly, bc that's truly the most apt description of Inej's behavior for the rest of the season.)

It's really bad timing, unfortunately, because it happens just as Kaz is starting to open up like never before. He's starting to see the world in a completely different light while she's doing the exact opposite -- she is shutting down her own dreams and desires when it comes to him, because she's come to the conclusion that it's simply not going to happen.

And you know what, she's not entirely wrong for that assumption, but I do have beef with some of the particulars of how it was executed in the show. But that's a discussion for another day.

Now, onto a brief rant that I alluded to at the very start of this post - my single biggest grievance with fandom is that someone on the internet decided that this scene somehow ‘erased’ Inej’s trauma, when in fact that exact trauma is what underpins the whole damn thing.

The fact that this scene more or less parallels the passage from the books beat for beat, shows, in my opinion, that book fans who make these claims of 'erasure' must have deliberately chosen to ignore this passage from the books, or never even read it in the first place.

Because frankly? Once you take that passage into consideration, the intent of this sequence couldn't have been more obvious!

Just to underscore my point, I want to ask anyone who's reading this to please compare and contrast Inej’s hallucination with Matthias’ dream. If the intent, as many so often like to claim, was simply to make this moment in Inej’s mind a sexy, titillating scene, well then, it would have been shot a lot more closely to the way Matthias’ dream was shot: there's no lack of kissing and even implied penetration (!) which is crazy, because of course, Matthias and Nina have gotten nowhere near that in real life.

There's a sexual aspect to her dream, for sure, but it's not a stereotypically-passionate 'sex dream' so much as it is a thinly-veiled reading into her own desires and the inner turmoil that comes with it.

There's also a very subtle undercurrent here that I picked up on and explore in my ongoing fic , which is that Kaz, in these fantasies, is really always the one taking the lead, so to speak. Inej is not pulling him close or asking to kiss him - and we see that even when she consents to the act, she looks like she's bracing herself for it, rather than excited that it'll happen.

That is fueled no doubt by 1) her realizing it isn't real but also 2) the fact that she is still very much in the middle of her own trauma (having been freed like what? mere days ago? if that?)

Any concept of her own independent desire is still saddled with IMMENSE baggage - and this sequence showcases it perfectly.

I think after the fact, she's consciously aware of 1) but not yet aware of 2) which is beating around in her subconscious and is probably gonna cause her WAYY more problems going forward lol

TLDR; Inej doesn't know it just yet, but she's got loads of her own issues to work through, and until she does, she's going to be stuck in this weird purgatory of being a voyeur to/of her own desires.

[timaeuslover001]

Carla Dominguez (OC ) "CSI: Miami" Headcanons

Born February 5, 1957 in Harlem NYC

She is Dominican and Black

Her mother is balck and her father is Dominican.

Her family comes from both the US and Dominican Republic were once slaves, but gained freedom in the 1830s and made a life in the USA.

Her grandfather started a jazz club at the height go the Harlem Renaissance and Passed it down to her father and eventually her.

Horatio and Carla meta at 4 years old at the same pre-school and became instant best friends.

She is the extroverted of the two, New York aggressive (iykyk) but very nice and sweet.

He learned Spanish from her but never picked up on the language. he understood it over time but couldn't speak it. He couldn't roll his R's.

Hasn’t been in many fights but can hold her own.

She taught him how to dance and he even got exposed to latin music through her. Her parents owned a jazz club in Harlem and he and his friends would spend some nights or weekend there dancing at her house or dancing out in front of the club learning how to dance.

Carla became so much more than a friend but became family and they considered him as a son. for him and they gave him so much more valuable than he can ever repay: gave him love, kindness, fun, laughter and good food of course and how to party, but more importantly how a family should be.

She never knew he was being abused until one day , Her father got him a bike at 10 years old and he rode it home, his father was off that day and all she knew is an hr and a half later a a loud bang o n the door she was in the living room with her cousins watching tv and as her father opened the door there was this large red head short haired man , Horatio In the hands of his towering father, as big as their door, Barked at her father about the bike short and quick and threw it, literally threw it on the stoop and drug him back where they came. she was in shock not only as that her first time seeing him but the sheer anger and seeing Horatio in that state, she just clicked it all together.

After that event , her father decided to just keep future presents for Horatio at his house form that point on, they had an extra room usually sued as play room for her cousin but they dubbed it Horatio bedroom and they had parties as

The next time she saw him,He profusely apologized fearful of losing her as a friend , his face red and with tears trying to explain. she never blamed him or was upset. But It was like word vomit for him , he was like that for weeks until she had to tell him to stop. They never spoke about it again.

Carla had chosen to have a Quince over a sweet 16 and Horatio helped her plan and even came up with the color scheme: pink and brown . he regrets util this day lol but at the time it seems like a good idea. He was in a brown with pink vest in the vest toe and Carla in two gowns , one for church and another for the party after which was a pink prairie dress style gown less tules and fluffier so she can dance with a few brown accents and a Tiara. but they had a good time.

3 months later tragedy struck her best friend when his arrests died , allegedly murdered, by Horatio. Something she never believed even after the charges were pressed. All he members her telling is that his father and mother were at it again , and he was in the house and hearing the argument and watching them and seeing his mother hit the floor and then , next thing he woke up in the hospital covered in cuts and bruises and his head hurting. No memory in between.

Her family became legal guardians to Horatio and his brother a year later, it was a long hard fight with the state but they it finally happened. Horatio initially tried to refuse but they isisted plus he didn't want his brother separated from him.

She stuck with hm through it all, even though he still had nightmares and wetted the bed still, had to deal with prying eyes for the rest of high school, she was still there.

She got married on May 3rd 1974 to a tall handsome mocha skin colored black man named David Rayes a tax consultant, who was tall handsome.

She wanted to make Horatio her maid if honor but he vehemently said no, plus he would not have had time as an officer, so she got someone else.

Carla had to be convince several times by him not to fight his ex gf that was getting physical with him.

Carla ended u having 5 children, 3 boys and 2 girls. one if her daughters Kelly, enned up later on pursuing music as a singer and plays several instruments including percussion , piano and guitar.

when Horatio moved to Miami ,she was sad to see him go but she didnt fight him when he left, he looked so emotionally worn out she was the one to get him a Spanish learning audio set and headphones because she knew he would NEED it in Miami.

They had a hard time keeping in touch over the years, more Horatio part than hers but he checked

In every now and then but his life has been a series of uos and downs since then

When he finally got out on trial for his Mirder charge, she testified on his behalf

[barbieb0y]

journey: orientation and how i wasn't there for most of it.

(title is a reference, iykyk)

my birthday is in 6 days and i feel like i should do at least something so this is something! blogs talking about myself and my experiences, counting down to the day of the event itself

and the first one i thought of is my experience with romantic and sexual orientations. why? well the ace tag trending gave me some ideas lol

for most of my childhood, i wasn't interested in anything that isn't studying and playing by myself. wish i can say the same now

and thankfully, my parents weren't the type to fess over me interacting with the opposite sex not that i did that that much but still and teaching me about marriage and romance and all that wasn't on their minds yet at that time - and oh, how i yearn for them to stay that way now but alas.

i didn't get the hype with getting crushes and dating, until i developed what i thought was a crush. i remember being happy that i finally fit in and just like the other girls - that i wasn't just a weirdo with weird interests and lack of interest in people. and looking back on it, it's not like it wasn't a crush. it just wasn't a romantic one.

this continued on until i was 14. i'd get crushes where i just enjoyed looking at the boys' faces. it never occured to me that traditional crushes were supposed to involve actual romance. and when i did try imagining myself in romantic scenes with the boys i liked, i either felt disgusted or neutral. the neutral side of things mostly applied to fictional boys anyway.

then came the year of 2018. funnily enough, i actually remember being on tumblr that time - for the whole purpose of reading imagines of a fictional guy i thought i liked in those ways. i'd read, read, read, unaware that these pieces of writing... don't actually make me feel anything. that imagining myself in romantic + sexual situations with this guy was only bc everyone else was doing it.

when suddenly pride month rolled around.

i was an ally from the beginning. and bc of that i wanted to know more about the community so that i could show my support better. little did 14 year old me know.

i stumbled upon the term "aromantic". i started reading out of curiosity. i thought of how i could relate to most of the traits of an aromantic. i realized.

i remember i was like "so you're telling me i don't actually have to feel this stuff for people i'm seemingly attracted to?!" and remember that guy from before? every romantic and sexual thought of him vanished in an instant - and i've never felt so free. i even remember me writing a platonic self-shipping fic of me and him to celebrate; and luckily, i had friends who celebrated alongside me.

though at that time, i thought aromantic also meant asexual, so there i was going around telling people i'm aromantic without the asexual - most likely because i was taught that sex was just an extension of romance rather than being its own separate thing. until of course, i discovered the term later on and went "omg so me".

the label kind of enabled me to be more open about my dislike of romance and sex - borderline condemning it. but that was merely me projecting my own experiences; having to be subjected to society's expectations of me was more than just irritating and tiring. even if i ever change my mind one day, why should that matter? sure, preparing for the future is a smart move but what's the point if i'm abandoning my present self?

years pass and by 2022, i still identified as an aromantic asexual. at some point i even identified as a gay aroace, but then reverted back to aroace. even when there were situations and experiences that challenged me identifying with those labels, i persisted. even when i first interacted with whom i call my "first love", i wasn't attracted to them off the bat.

it took quite a few interactions. i myself was confused as to why talking to them made me so happy, especially because we didn't even talk in a chatroom - i was just an anon on their writing blog, the reason why i frequented their blog being one of the hurdles that almost made me change my labels.

to this day, i'm still unsure if mustering up the courage to privately message them made me realize i'm actually attracted to them or that i gradually realized after chatting with them in private. but in the end, i realized. i'm attracted to them. i liked the idea of being in a non-platonic relationship with them, i like imagining us in romantic situations (although at that time i didn't yet know what they look like) but either was too shy or i genuinely did not develop sexual feelings for them yet at that time. i confessed the night i messaged them.

to my surprise, it was their birthday. i'm unsure if a confession is a fit birthday gift still.

but when this happened, i didn't feel like i was betraying my aromantic asexual labels. it's more like... i broke free of them. broke free of these stupid labels that tried to tie me down for so long. so what if i haven't been attracted to anyone until now? am i not allowed to freely love because of these two words? or even, am i not allowed to be free of these words even if they define me? so i simply let go.

funnily enough, the person i fell in love with is aroace themself. a silly little plot twist in my story, i would say.

we begin to talk. a night turns into a week. a week turns into a month. 2 months after initially talking, we got together. i remember i couldn't stop smiling over how lucky i got. the person i love, who doesn't even reciprocate my feelings, was willing to give me a chance. i talked about them whenever i had the chance; the word "boyfriend" felt so sweet on my tongue.

4 months and 18 days - that's how long we were together. i remember the breakup like it was yesterday. because i once thought i wouldn't ever go through one, let alone cry myself to sleep a few nights because of it. but that wouldn't be the first time i've done that because of them - but even despite all the anguish i've experienced throughout this period, i was (and still am?) in love with them.

simply because of the fact that i was in love with them.

i acknowledged how strong and powerful romantic and sexual attraction can be, now that i experience it. though i still think people exaggerate the overall experience, their words now hold some truth for me. and to tell you the truth,

i am scared of feeling this way for someone else.

i just can't imagine myself experiencing such highs for a real person that isn't them. it feels like an absolute betrayal - to my past self, to them, to my current self. it just seems impossible. plus, feeling like a late bloomer makes me feel like shit. but if there's one thing this experience taught me,

it's that anything really can happen.

this journey is still ongoing - i'm unlabeled, still kinda in love with my ex (who is also my friend haha) and the future is uncertain. maybe i'll go back to being labeled, maybe i'll get over them, maybe both, maybe neither.

but for now, i'm unlabeled. because i'm not something to be defined.

i'm someone to be experienced.

if you read all that then thank you for listening to me ramble lol idk i just feel like talking about myself. it still feels like people don't really know me idk idk i was kinda being cheesy and stuff but hey when else am i supposed to be amirite

i will try to come up with topics for the upcoming days hehehe

[garfieldsladybird]

I lost interest in S.H.I.E.L.D when season six started and when I started watching season 6 I was just so done with it. Not understanding anything that was going on.

But now that I’m older and I’m watching it again, I’m actually paying attention every single episode, as much as I possibly can and I’m also not allowing myself to just play the show as background noise.

notes ;)))) also spoilers if you haven’t watched shield 🤨

season six actually starting pretty good. idk man. pass me was. Like usual.

I’m on s6 e6, I just started episode six. but from what I know right now— idk I kind of just go in rants about things. Enjoy :)

so Daisy and Simmons and two other people (that I actually feel like are best friends, that really don’t want to admit it and i feel like one of them is gay) but that’s beside the point. they all went to space. deep space. they become the guardians of the Galaxy man. now how? Because they had the spaceship from season five, that spaceship was the spaceship at the general took over. Well, I think they took the little thingy that if you just put coordinates in it and flip a switch you get teleported to that spot. but still use the Zephyr so they most likely had to add the space thingys it can do from the spaceship. They went to go find fitz. dont get me started on that.

Wait, so fitz is alive and so is Simmons. and so is their grandchild. That was from the future. Deke yes ? 🤨 but yeah he’s alive as well. But fits died at the end of season five. But didn’t really die. He was in a coma, was supposed to be in a coma for fucking 75 years. Poor dude, he’s had to be in a coma for 75 years twice. But he didn’t really make the full 75 years because some weird sharp ass fidget spinner ran through their ship in space. so yeah.

so does mean that the world of where deke came from is still going to happen? That’s the only thing I’m focused on. I love deke ngl. He’s hot ;)

but while they’re doing that. The team on the mainland is chasing down a duplicate of Colson from a different world that’s been alive for like fucking years. And I mean hundreds of years. They’re chasing him down because Colson’s actually dead. Also, I feel like we should’ve gotten more of Colson and may, I really would’ve loved to see them together and seen them happy. Though I’m getting only some glimpses now (e5) and I’m not fully through the season yet so yeah there might be more. Still, I love Colson and may!

Mack and yo-yo broke up. like what?????? and then yo-yo also got with this other dude which ended up going horribly wrong she killed him well just really put them out of his misery. He swallowed a bat but he didn’t want to. it kind of just flew into him so yeah. but I did kind of like them together, but there was just a weird vibe because she kept calling him noble and then he would act a certain way… idk. He had it coming. (iykyk)

Mack being director is really cool, i want more!!! I like that he has a really close bond with Daisy. tremors <3 like Daisy was calling back into the lighthouse to land, and when they finally fully connected it, you could just kind of see it when he heard her voice. The relief, knowing that she’s back, hearing her voice. They’re very close and connected and I really like that. They got each other’s back, upside down, side to side, left, right, front too man. Maybe he kind of looks at her like a sibling.. idk. I would like to know, but I don’t know. If anything, it’s a best friend for sure. Kind of what he had with Bobby but better fs like wayyyyyyyyy better.

Bobby and Hunter man are so bad for each other. though I do love them together. I just I don’t know. Somethings up with them. I love them in general. Bobby’s hot and so cool. Hunter is hilarious but also a jack ass in a way and fairly attractive, him being funny, kind of helps it.

Deke is so fucking weird for having a girlfriend but then going to ‘work’ which is going into a simulation VR type of thing, it was like the framework but way better, and inside of it when he beats the bad guy, a door slides up and daisy appears but looking way sexier then usual like she does look sexy, but not in the way of having a lot more cleavage out, pressing up all against him, the leg 🦵…. yeah so it was weird. he also has a screen that shows what he’s saying and going through, how did the girlfriend not see this and know bro? She’s like a social media star, and so we get to see all of her story that she made. just uha. she ends up with the best friend that wasn’t actually deke’s best friend well he didn’t really know know him bc he is actually a undercover shield agent.

but mack saw the screen of what was happening in the framework and she’s slowly turned to deke and is was hilarious and horrible at the same time. His face was like in a grimace of ‘what the fuck and I’m about to punch you’ so deke said, I’ll give you 2% of the company if you don’t tell anyone. I feel like that 2% went higher fs but I don’t remember if it was actually 2% or not. Either way it should’ve been like a lot more. but Mack is protective of her, I really like that.

The acting in the show was really good. It’s phenomenal.

okay bye ✌️ love you <3

[nvrrmiind]

Wildflower ; Calum Hood

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: smut & swearing

Summary: The one where Calum meets a girl at a club and can't get enough of her. (Loosely based on Wildflower, iykyk)

(Read more of my work here)

***

Wildflower.

That’s what he had called you from the beginning.

His little wildflower.

You weren’t sure how to feel about it -- when he had first introduced the pet name to you -- but you grew to love the way it fell from his lips. You were his free-spirited, resilient, and beautiful wildflower.

You were both completely infatuated with one another, from the slight brushing of your lips on one another's to the passionate kisses that were shared during your intimate moments. The infatuation could be seen in every aspect of your daily lives, from his soft touches in the morning when he’d brush your hair away from your face to his strong grip on your hips when he’d have you bent over the dining room table. But most importantly, he couldn’t get enough of you.

He couldn’t get enough of the way your lips would part with gasps and how moans would slip off your tongue. He couldn’t get enough of your thighs clenching around his head when his tongue was lapping away at you and how he’d have to hold your hips down when you’d start to get close.

There was something special about you. He could feel it in every bone of his body. An undeniable connection between the two of you that he hadn’t felt with anyone else. It started from the moment he met you and only grew stronger with each interaction from there on out. From each touch, kiss, and moan of his name.

The connection started off physically. He loved exploring every inch of your body and doing things to you that no one else had done before. Of course, he was also selfish, and couldn’t deny the things you did to his body -- the way you made him feel -- doing things to him that he hadn’t achieved in a while. Because every time you fucked, you made him come, which was a feat that no other person had overcome.

It all started almost a year ago, at some shitty nightclub, with one too many sweaty people cramming their way onto the dance floor. It was opening night and he was somehow conned into coming by a group of his friends. He’d pleaded and begged them not to drag him out -- they’d just gotten off of tour and the caffeine from the afternoon was wearing off -- but there he was, with a drink in his hand. It was his third of the night but he’d barely touched it because someone had caught his eye. That someone was you, in a tight fitting dress that barely touched mid-thigh and bright red lipstick that made you stand out from the rest of the crowd.

He’d sat there watching you for the past five minutes. Watching how your hips swayed to the beat of a song he couldn’t be bothered to name. Whether it was the alcohol in his system or the slight state of delirium he was in from the lack of sleep he’d had the past two months, he decided to approach you. His drink was abandoned at a random table and he sauntered toward you, his confidence oozing with every step he took.

He hadn’t done this in a while -- approach someone else -- since he was always the one that was rejecting other’s advances. But, here he was nonetheless, with a sly smirk on his face and a haze of lust clouding his judgment. Generally, he tended to be more of a reserved guy -- the kind that observed what others did and learning from their mistakes -- so he’d face less embarrassment.

“Did you come here alone?” At this point he was behind you with his breath fanning the side of your face.

“If by alone, you mean single, then yes.” You glanced over your shoulder, taking in the parts you could see of him.

A few songs and some dirty dancing later, you were confidently leading the mystery man to the closest bathroom you could find, deciding that at this point of the night, if someone caught you fucking in the bathroom, they’d be too drunk to care. Plus, it was opening night, and there was nothing better to do than to break in the bathroom for any of the following drunk and horny pair that would fuck in there.

You watched as he locked the door, the sly smirk staying on his lips, as he took confident strides towards you. From the beginning, his overconfidence made you wet. It all started downstairs when you had first noticed him -- looking like he owned the entire space he was in. Although he paraded around with a mask of nonchalance, you could just tell that he could dominate anything he wanted -- you could tell by the way he sat and strutted around and by the bourbon he was sipping on.

“Turn around.” He demanded, coming up behind you, his hands resting on either side of you.

“I want you to be able to see what I’m about to do to you.” He continued, his left hand trailing to your neck while his right hand hiked up your dress.

“Please… fuck.” You exhaled, waiting for his fingers to dip into the place you needed him most. But he was toying with you, fingers dancing across the fabric of your panties, feeling the wet spot growing.

And when he did put his fingers inside of you, you let out a long sigh of pleasure, head rolling back onto his shoulder. You hadn’t had this kind of pleasure in awhile and had been wanting it -- needing it -- for the longest time. Your back arched when he started rubbing circles against your clit, your eyes shutting in pleasure.

“Hey, baby, the whole point of the mirror is to look at yourself, yeah?” He grabbed your chin, holding your head, your eyes meeting his in the mirror.

You felt pathetic, with your body writhing under the mere act of his fingers pumping in and out of you. But you hadn’t been touched in ages, not like this. Not by a random, hot stranger, you’d just met a club and decided to fuck in the upstairs bathroom.

“Fuck me, please.” You moaned, biting your lip.

“You want my cock inside of you that badly, huh?” You could feel his chest shake with a short laugh.

He didn’t bother to get a response from you, instead he pushed your body down onto the counter and pinned your hands behind your back. You could hear him fumble with his belt, then the sharp sound of his zipper, and god, were you ready for him. He pushed inside of you with ease, a long sigh leaving his lips.

Your cheek pressed against the cool countertop, while your nails dug into your palms, as he rocked his hips into you. He was going hard and fast and it was everything you wanted at the moment. His grip on your wrists was almost painful and you knew he’d leave a nice purple bruise on them, but you didn’t care, and it didn’t matter.

You let out a breathy moan when he stilled inside of you, completely bottoming out. Your walls were tightening around him, hips trying to create some movement that he wouldn’t allow.

“Why’d you stop?” You cried out, desperate for him.

“Beg for it.” He demanded, a smug smile adorning his perfect lips.

“Please.”

“I think you can do better than that. Tell me how much you want me.” His cool fingers found your clit, rubbing slow circles, as you squirmed below him.

“More,” You let out another moan, eyes fluttering shut. “Fuck, don’t stop… God, harder, please.” You rambled. “Your cock -- I want your cock -- please. Don’t tease me like this.”

That’s all he wanted to hear, for you to sound like you needed his cock. That what he was doing to you was more than just a want, it was a need, a necessity. His hips met yours with force, moans leaving both of your lips, as you both began to reach your highs.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You felt him shudder from behind you, his thrusts halting. “I’m gonna come.”

You were quick to get him off of you, and drop down to your knees, opening your mouth like the obedient girl you could be. And he came all over your tongue, just like you’d wanted. You watched as the man in front of you pulled up his pants, situating himself as best as he could, before he was helping you to your feet.

What you thought would be an awkward conversation about how to exit the bathroom and who should go first, was answered when he walked towards the door, not bothering to fix his half tucked in shirt or look back at you.

“Wait!” You called, watching as he paused in the doorway. “I never got your name.”

“Calum.”

***

It’d been a couple of weeks since your risqué clubbing experience with your mystery man, Calum. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been thinking about it; because you had, constantly. You’d think about him in the morning while you were getting ready for work, wondering what he was eating for breakfast. You’d think about him at work, feeling your thighs clench together instinctively just from the thought of what he’d done to you. You’d think about him at night while taking a shower, letting your fingers trail to your heat, where you’d play with yourself while thinking about him.

It’d become an obsession for you — thinking about him and the things he’d done to you and could do to you in the future. You wanted to get on your knees and beg for him to let you suck him off. Desperation is what your friend would call it and you couldn’t agree more. But the way he made you feel in a quick and sloppy fuck at a random club was so much more pleasurable than anything your ex had done in the past.

However, no matter how much you’d been obsessing over him during the last two weeks, you had no way of contacting him. You had his first name and his physical description, but that wouldn’t get you far in a big city. Fate; that’s what you left it up to. If you were supposed to see him again, you would, and if not — well, you’d fantasize about his hands around your throat for another couple of weeks before returning to the dating scene.

“I’ve got a large cold brew with almond milk for cafe.” The barista set the drink onto the counter and you gave them a quick smile before going to grab your drink.

Before you had the chance to take it, somebody snatched it from the counter and started walking away. Normally you’d let it slide and awkwardly explain to the barista that someone took the wrong drink, but you were up late last night working on a project for work and desperately needed your caffeine.

“Excuse me -- sir!” You called out, hoping he’d stop so you wouldn’t have to chase him down. The man kept walking, and you let out a sigh.

“Dude, seriously. You just took my drink.” You walked toward him, getting ready to tap on his shoulder before he turned around to face you.

Mid eyeroll, you realized who was standing in front of you. The exact man you had been obsessing over, holding your drink, which you still wanted to snatch out of his hands.

“Hey — it’s you.” He let a small laugh, licking his lips.

“It’s me.” You repeated, fiddling with your fingers. “And you’ve got my drink.”

You both looked at each other, your eyes trailing between his beautifully sculpted face and his hands that were gently grasping your cold brew. Although it sounded a bit dramatic you felt like you could melt under his gaze right at that moment. He looked so good and you couldn’t pinpoint why. He was dressed in jeans and a green empathy hoodie, a simple outfit that could have you bending over the counter in the middle of the coffee shop if he were to ask you to.

“A cold brew with almond milk?” He questioned, raising the cup slightly.

“Yes.” You nodded, looking at him with a quirked brow. “That’s what I ordered.”

“That’s what I ordered.” He shook his head at you, lips turning into a slight frown.

“Well that’s good for you, I’m sure your drink is coming up shortly. But, I really need to get out of here; I have frozens in my car. So, if you would kindly give me my drink, that would be greatly appreciated.”

He stared at you for a few seconds longer, his eyes taking all of you in, inch by inch. Until finally he extended the drink towards you. “I’m only giving you my drink if you have me over for dinner tonight.”

Needless to say you had him over for dinner that night. However, dinner was long forgotten as soon as you’d stepped into your apartment. You barely had time to put away your groceries before he was backing you up against the counter and pinning you against it with his hips. There was nowhere else you’d rather be in the world at the moment, especially when you felt his hands start to creep under your shirt, rubbing soft circles into your skin. Your lips had crashed together in fiery passion, hungry to have each other.

“I want you,” you panted between breaths. “I want you to take me right here.”

Your hands were quick to work at the button on his jeans, impatient with how slow you felt things were progressing. You’d waited weeks for this, to see him again, to be able to kiss him, to have him inside of you, and his hands roaming all around your body. Slipping one of your hands into his boxers had him letting out a breathy moan as you ran your hand up and down his length. If you were being completely honest with yourself you’d be okay with finishing him off with a handjob as long as you’d be able to continue making him feel good.

Swiping your finger across his tip had him taking a sharp breath in and fingers digging into your skin. Watching your mystery man -- Calum -- slowly fall apart in front of you was a delightful sight to see; and maybe if you were lucky enough you’d be able to see it over and over. But, if you were only given a second time and not a third or fourth, you’d make do.

“Fuck,” he muttered, hips bucking into your hand. “Gonna come soon.” He continued, lips meeting yours for another heated kiss.

Without a second thought you had dropped to your knees in front of him, working his jeans and boxers to his knees. You licked a stripe up his length before taking his head in your mouth, hollowing your cheeks around him. One of his hands roughly gripped your hair, tugging at your scalp, resulting in a short moan coming from your throat. You took him further in your mouth, relaxing your throat to fit all of him into you before your nose was brushing against him.

“Love when you look like this,” he started, fingers massaging at your scalp. “Love seeing my cock in your mouth, it’s been the highlight of my day.”

You stared at him expectantly, trying to swallow around him, which resulted in a twitch of his cock.

“I wanna fuck your mouth until I come. Is that okay?” He asked politely, hand cupping your cheek.

As soon as you nodded, his hand returned to your hair and his hips were quick to snap forward, bottoming out completely into your throat. He thrusted in and out of your mouth easily, getting closer with each one. His moans were soft and quiet at first, but turned into grunts the closer he came to his release. His thrusts became sloppy and you felt him twitching in your mouth. Then finally your name came out in a breathy moan as he came down your throat.

Your eyes were glassy as you looked up at him, his softening length still sitting heavy on your tongue, until you pulled away from him, a string of saliva connecting you to him. You looked so innocent as you stared up at him, big round eyes silently begging for more. Then there were your lips, which were soft and puffy, his release lingering on your tongue.

***

This happened for months -- your hookups -- and they happened in all different places and positions. You’d nearly fucked in every single square inch of both of your apartments. It was dirty, steamy, and everything you’d ever wished for. Some days it was hard and fast and you’d have bruises on your hips from his tight grip for days. But other days, you’d lazily ride him on his couch while a random sitcom was on in the background.

While the months flew by, you’d begun to see him more and more often. It started to become less about the sex and more about getting to know one another. Calum would have you over for dinner on Friday and you two would talk until the sun came up the next morning. You’d sneak in a quickie or two in there, but you’d spent most of the night getting to know one another. Filling each other in on your deepest darkest secrets. You’d delve into your family problems and he’d talk about how he felt like he was losing his passion.

But one night, while you two were rinsing off in the shower, he tugged you close and started kissing on your neck. He nipped at your earlobe and ran his fingers down your sides.

“You wanna know something?” He kissed just under your jaw.

“Hmm?” You inquired, basking in the feeling of his touch and the warm water running down your back.

“You’re the only person that’s made me come every time we’ve fucked.”

“Wait,” you furrowed your brows. “You’re serious?”

“Deadly.” Droplets of water were falling off of his eyelashes and onto his cheeks while one of his hands cupped your cheek and the other loosely gripped your throat.

“Well, hopefully I can keep my streak.” You bit back a smile before going in for a long and passionate kiss.

[reidecorating]

the bau team and their star signs based on science

hotch: clearly an aries. this is not up for debate and i don't take criticism. natural born and excellent leader? maybe. but bossy boots because he is just a bossy boss man who probably sleeps in a suit or those pyjamas that have suit graphics on them? most definitely. when he speaks, his voice sounds like it’s coming out in all lower case, when he yells, it’s all caps. angery. down to throw hands at anything in his immediate line of vision probably. will exterminate you like a roach if you mess with someone he cares about. don't break the rules or my boss will kill me 😡 to you're breaking the rules under MY supervision, that way my boss will kill US 🥰. probably microwaves food a lot. type of dad to say no to getting a dog, then two months later get matching christmas costumes with said dog. never stops working because he is an absolute UNIT built like the circuit of one of those infinity pools in bali. could use another sabbatical.

rossi: i saw his birth certificate and the rumours are true, he’s a november sagittarius. two wives away from being a modern day king henry the eighth. it’s rossi’s world and we’re all just living in it. he is a prophet. his third eye has been opened and he ascended to the seventh dimension at the age of 24. when he takes leave, the only way to contact him is through a ouija board in latin or maybe greek depending on the position of the sun. he will only die when he chooses to die but will dissolve at the words ‘what are we?’. the major arteries in his body are just long pieces of macaroni. definitely has hooked up with one person from every state the jet has landed in. no filter between his brain and mouth, will destroy your self confidence intentionally. uses abbreviations when texting. liberal - because of the experimenting back in college. probably friends with your mum on facebook.

prentiss: imagine her being anything but an air sign. you can't because she's clearly an aquarius?? work comes first (first equal with her girlfriend). if you tell her to do something she simply won't do it, especially if it was something she was just about to do. she once came home from a run with her mother in the summer and her mother politely suggested that she should drink some water. emily, an anarchist, did not drink water and was hospitalised for heatstroke in due course of proving her point of nonconformity. has been to jail. sucks on candy canes and makes them pointy because christmas is one of her least favourite days. on probation. no, i really like him *deletes his number*. maybe moves to iceland to become a sheep herder to avoid having to ever see anyone she has romantically affiliated with ever again. actually quite the jester, joke levels exceed 4000, but can make you laugh and cry in the span of approximately the length of a short youtube ad. the antichrist.

morgan: has at some point caused someone to question their sexuality. am i really a straight man? do i really only like women? - direct quotes from anyone who has seen him. if that doesn't scream libra i don't know what does. i’m trying to refrain from using the words ‘hot’, ‘sex god’, ‘rail me’. the kinda guy who will hold open a door for you, but also have no problem kicking one down for you. has never ditched class before. momma’s boy. tries to make his pecs move in the mirror. he KNOWS he’s hot okay??? but THEN its not just that because people are like ‘oh he's attractive’ but then they find out he’s RESPECTFUL, and INTELLIGENT and COMPASSIONATE and then that awkward moment when you just DIE because he is not flawed??? it’s like he’s a lucid dream??? probably secretly is really good at baking some obscure european good. uses colognes that have really manly man sounding names for instance, ‘Man Musk’, ‘Mystical Muscles’, ‘Beards and Buttercream’.

garcia: the epitome of a female pisces. a baddie™. definitely owns a pair of those really skinny sunglasses that influencers wear and looks like god herself while in them. spirals from being the momma bear to the wine-aunt. she will care about you so hard but if that's not reciprocated, will hack into your my eyes only and fax those pictures to every machine she can connect to. accidentally has flirted her way into at least 19 relationships. really good at writing fan fiction??? like - seriously good. knows 4 different synonyms for the word “member” iykyk. researches things the people she loves most enjoy, so when she talks to them she can have more detailed conversations. catches feelings for people who are definitely not good for her. sometimes just takes off her glasses because she's tired of, well... seeing. hand makes cute lil earrings for her friends. a master at fireboy and watergirl and will never play with anyone else because ‘another player just slows you down, i can do it myself in half the time’. THAT FRIEND WHO WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO TIE YOUR LACES.

jj: virgo. she was definitely that girl who had notes with pretty titles and colour coded highlighters in school. also did extracurriculars in the weekends so she’d have to be picked up from sleepovers early to go to soccer games. when she takes the time to learn something she learns it well and perfects any craft handed to her because anything less than 100% is failure in her eyes. gets annoyed when other people cry for too long probably. will judge you. so much. silently. especially if you cry. don't make her mad because she has caused civil unrest in 13 continents. live, laugh, love signs in her kitchen. security footage surfaced in 2007 of her roundhouse kicking a middle aged man, in the junk food aisle of a trader joe’s, after he took the last re-stocked bag of cheetos. has a ‘mom first, agent second’ mug that garcia got her. likes family walks which will most likely be planned out meticulously, involving a detailed itinerary of the day i.e. Henry’s toilet break, 10AM

reid: he despises star signs and anyone who gives them any thought because “where is the SCIENCE?” this bitch is a scorpio. definitely only knows his sun sign. so intense! have you seen the way he looks at things?? the way he stares??? the way he analyses dead bodies??? the way he loves??? ridiculously put together to everyone around him but emotionally life is soup and he is fork. kinky. breaks off bananas little by little with his hands before eating each piece individually because eating them normally is too sensual and he’s paranoid morgan might see him doing it and take a picture. wants the kind of love he reads about. has a superiority complex about having a superiority complex. keeps a straight face while saying literally anything so you cannot tell if he’s being serious or not like one day he’ll just be like “yeah i killed a man with an axe once to enable myself to more easily empathise with future unsubs who potentially work as lumberjacks or have a history of logging. it’s called method axing,” and then leave the room to draw circles on maps or something. believes that parallel parking should work, in theory, but never seems to work for him in practice.

[themilky-way]

a red kiss {steve rogers}

gif credit: hasan-minhaj

pairing: 1940s! steve rogers x female! reader, 1940s! bucky x reader (platonic)

summary: steve starts to notice a shift in his feelings. when he comes back from the war, he must confront them. set in the 1940s. 

warnings: okay listen this was supposed to be cute and fluffy BUT it turned into a lil bit of spice near the end. IT’S NOT A LOT, IT’S JUST AN ATOM OF SPICE but be warned ;)

author’s note: this is long i’m sorry but i couldn’t stop iykyk lmao.  i’m a slut for 40s! steve and bucky they’re so adorable. also this SUCKS AKNSJS

-------

the realization hit him like a blow to the chest. it was painful, relieving, scary, and every possible emotion mixed altogether. it was something new to him, something so close yet a million miles away for him to actually grasp. to steve rogers, the first soldier in the world to actually survive a high dose of a strength serum, the idea of having a silly crush was laughable. and much more foolish when the person behind his infatuation was his best friend. 

he played it off the first time it happened when he spotted you walking straight out from your apartment building, all dolled up and a purse hanging from the crook of your elbow. you hadn’t seen him, and you weren’t going to since you weren’t even meeting up with him at all, but the streets were small and it was normal to come face to face with someone you knew in brooklyn. he was about to say something to you, a casual “hey, what a coincidence!” but he couldn’t find his courage. his mind began running faster than his new enhanced speed, and then at once, it stopped working. his eyes took over your form and the way you were dressed that morning. the outfit you wore was one he’d never seen before, but it suited you wonderfully. but then he looked at your face. steve caught glimpses of your smile, the way your eyes shimmered with joy at the conversation you stopped to have, how your nose scrunched up when you laughed. then, he actually heard it. it came out as a small wheeze at first, but then shifted to a hearty laugh, and he smiled. how could he not? it was intoxicating, the mere image of you like this. yes, he’s laughed with you before, but it felt nothing like this. it didn’t feel like it did back then, as you, steve, and bucky all cracked jokes and all of you erupted in giggles. today, it was something more than just friendship. 

steve noticed it happen more often ever since that day. everything you said and did somehow managed to become permanently ingrained into his mind, and it drove him crazy. when he was at the campsites reviewing lines of entry for his troops to drive through, he became distracted on the thought of your voice. his mouth would be speaking, directing commands to his men, but the other half of his brain was busy imagining something with you that wasn’t even real. steve, honey, you made it home. you came back to me. he pictured himself being with you and that confused him, yet that never kept him from doing it again. at other times, when the three of you would be having dinner at his house like you did every friday, he’d let himself imagine what it’d be like if you stayed after bucky left. you’d help him dry the dishes as he washed them, help organize the dining table again, chat a while in the living room, and finally, when the night sky was laid out with stars, you two would dance. his right hand would go to the small of your back and simultaneously your left would lay on on his shoulder, your free hands clasping together next. 

but all of this, it wasn’t real. it didn’t mean anything at all, and it was a fantasy; a fairytale created by his brain. or was it his heart? 

steve’s questions were finally answered during a military gala one night. brooklyn’s governor opted to celebrate the soldiers that had come back safely from a mission and set out to decorate the local ballroom in brightly colored lights and streams. the event was all the city could talk about; the girls were ecstatic about buying a new dress and shoes for their returning soldiers, while the boys were trying to see if they could befriend some fighters for reputation purposes. it kept everyone hopeful about the outcome of the war, and that with all its casualties and sorrow, was still being fought for a better future. 

steve was nervous, practically sweating through every layer of his suit, when he met up with bucky that evening. it wasn’t because he didn’t want the attention nor because he was afraid of the spotlight he might receive, but for his own personal dilemma. how would he act once he saw you? would you catch on to the sudden quiver in his voice? would you tease him? more and more inquiries piled up on his plate, so much that he didn’t even notice when he started to crack his knuckles. 

 the pair were walking together while conversing about whatever topics flowed into their minds, occasionally bumping into glamoured-up girls heading in their same direction. steve was talking, ranting about some random thing, but as the group of women came to a stop with them at a light, he paused the conversation. bucky caught on, considering steve was a real chatterbox, and he let a tiny smile creep onto his lips. he looked at steve’s cautious gaze directed at the girls, and then flicked his own eyes to look at them himself. 

“aw, stevey, don’t tell me you’re scared! c’mon, you’re captain america, they’re practically falling at your feet,” bucky teased. he lightly slapped steve’s shoulder for encouragement, and then proceeded to go behind him and place both hands atop his shoulders. steve knew what came after this part. it was boy culture; to push your friend in the direction of the girl they yearned after. except steve didn’t want them, any of them. he wanted you, and he needed bucky to stop before he embarrassed someone else. 

“bucky, stop, please. not now,” steve pleaded, but bucky didn’t listen. he began pushing steve in the direction of the group, which in turn earned flirty giggles from each woman. all the while, bucky offered assurring affirmations: you can do this buddy, just be yourself. they’ll love you! just remember what i taught you. 

“bucky, stop doing this, i don’t like it,” steve repeated. it seemed none of his pleas made their way to his friend’s ears, or if they did, they’d come right back out. it wasn’t until he was about ten feet away from them that he’d had enough. “I said stop!” steve proclaimed, turning around abruptly and grabbing bucky’s wrists and flicking them down. the look in his eyes was angry, straight to the point so the other soldier could see he wasn’t joking. “i don’t want them.”

bucky stepped back and apologized, holding his hands up in surrender while steve softened his stare. the pair then adjusted to continue their route and took note that the girls had left, all flustered and unsettled because of steve’s rejection. at this, bucky let out a huff of annoyance, but steve ignored him and started walking again. 

the two friends went on like this for a while, about ten minutes or so at most. they walked in silence with their hands stuffed in the pockets of their pants and didn’t look anywhere but the streets ahead. steve’s head was down, though, and bucky was running somethin-a phrase his partner had said over in his mind. the silence was unnerving, leaving bucky to turn the wheels in his head harder with each passing second. but, at last, after he’d run into a dead end with possibilities of who steve could be interested in, he turned to him.

“so who do you want, then?”

“what?” steve pondered back. he looked back at bucky with confusion, with no complete understanding of what he was talking about and then turned to look at the street name above him. 

“you said you didn’t want those girls. back there, I mean. you implied you already had someone you wanted.”  steve laughed at this, suddenly feeling a rush of heat flow to his cheeks. it was silly, feeling all giddy and excited whenever steve thought of you. but he couldn’t help it, not feel anything for you. turning to look at bucky, he saw that he was already smiling. how could he be mad at his friend? he didn’t know. “c’mon, stevey, you can tell me. i’m your best pal, aren’t i?”

both of them came up in front of the large, double doors of the dance hall. steve went up and grabbed the small handle on one of the doors and pulled it open, with bucky on his trail before stopping to observe the scene before them. the chandeliers that hung all around the ceiling were huge, the crystal shiny and reflecting rainbow hues on the marbled floor. the tables were arranged close together near the back of the room, with a grand portion of it for dancing only. the bar, mostly where the soldiers resided at, was to their right, and a loud orchestra band playing classics to their left. everywhere the boys’ looked, they were met with salutes and appreciative nods. some people even bowed before them in acknowledgement. 

“promise me you won’t say anything? if I tell you?” steve asked, raising his voice slightly due to the loud gossip and music. bucky looked at him somewhat bewildered, but then nodded his head when he remembered their prior talk. he was about to reply when a loud, familiar voice erupted. 

“oh, my wonderful boys’! i’ve missed you, dearly!” you exclaimed. you strided right up in front of them and placed one of your palms on each of their cheeks’. you looked at them, one at a time, before they both pulled you into a tight hug. they held you for a while, before they pulled away from you to speak. 

“doll, you look absolutely stunning,” bucky gallantly expressed, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek. upon seeing this, steve felt his chest tighten and his hands, which were rested at his sides now, clenched into fists. he felt jealous at an innocent gesture from his friend, and he knew it was wrong to feel this way but he couldn’t stop it. hell, you weren’t even his. right now, to steve, the moment in which bucky pressed his lips to the soft, tender skin of your cheek seemed like hours long. you flicked your eyes to steve then, and smiled, and he found himself unclenching his fists and grinning back. you did things to him, so many unimaginable things that he’d have an entire volume of books ready to publish if he sat down and wrote them down. 

“aren’t you gonna kiss me too, honey?” you inquired. the question was so innocent, so modest and friendly, that it even caught bucky off guard. his eyes widened and glanced quickly from your face to steve’s. somewhere, in the furthest depths of bucky’s brain, two pieces of a puzzle clicked together. he made the connection instantly, and he couldn’t help the look of pure joy that made its way onto his features. pulling away from you to allow his friend to step in, bucky observed in silence while steve nervously placed a peck to your other cheek. 

afterwards, you politely excused yourself to get their table ready, seeing as you were one of the head coordinators for the event. as you walked away in the direction of the guests, with your gown swaying from above your heels, steve watched in awe. and, ironically, bucky examined him. the smile that played at his lips since the very beginning of the night was now more radiant than ever, and he knew he couldn’t help but inquire further. 

“it’s her, isn’t it?” his question was rhetorical, in a way, but he was proud to ask it. “the one you want.”

steve, now promptly looking at him, could only manage his own playful grin. of course he wanted you. you meant the world to him. 

“she doesn’t feel the same way, buck.”

“the hell you mean she doesn’t? she asked you to kiss her, for god’s sake!” bucky exclaimed loudly, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets at this point. how could steve not see the hints you gave him? “if you don’t go for it, i will.”

it was a joke. a clear and obvious joke that was made to ease the uncertainty of his friend. but steve’s mind began racing at hundreds of miles per hour, sweat clamming up the palms of his hands, his shirt, everywhere. he felt uneasy at such a lighthearted phrase that had no truth behind it, and he knew he shouldn’t be so worried as he was right then. 

“steve, i’m joking. she’s your girl, y’know that, right? yours,’ bucky assured him. it worked, shockingly, but steve was able to feel his muscles relax once more, earning a small chuckle from bucky. “she’s not my girl.”

“not yet.”

the rest of the night went by in a haze. you were seated with the boys-with you obviously in the middle-and talked about endless things with them. you chatted lively, with your eyes twinkling with some sort of magic that enticed both soldiers, and took your time listening to some of their own stories. bucky took you out dancing-who sent a cautious glance towards steve for permission first- when the orchestra played your favorite song. you ate dinner with them, getting up from your own seat every once in a while to go speak with another lovely lady about rather personal matters. 

when this happened for the third time that night, steve noticed that you drifted off for a longer period of time than per usual, but didn’t pay too much attention to it. that is, until the same wonderful woman you had spoken to previously came up to him and handed him a note. it was a tiny, white piece of paper that was folded in half-a firm, delicate red kiss planted on the front of it. like any normal person who was about to reject another, steve began to rapidly spill out apologies to the woman indicating he wasn’t interested, which caused her to laugh. he turned to bucky, who had the same adorning look of confusion all over his face. 

“no, you must of misunderstood my intentions, captain. this isn’t from me, it’s from your friend-the one that was sitting here.” the woman informed. her eyes looked from steve’s down the your empty chair in the middle and lifted a finger to it. and just as quick as she had straunted up to them, she was gone. she’d been a messenger for some sort of scheme-but what was it?

steve opened the letter while bucky shifted down to your seat to look at it together. his fingers trembled slightly while lifting the sheet up, nervous as to what you could’ve possibly written that wasn’t as forward as the note itself. 

meet me on the terrace in two minutes. the stairs behind you will take you there.

it’s safe to say steve lost his mind, and quite frankly so did bucky. he animatedly hugged his friend, ruffled his hair, slapped his back-everything you could think of. “atta’ boy, stevey! go get your girl!”

steve didn’t even ponder anything beyond this. he hurriedly stood up from his seat and rushed to the back door leading to the stairs, not caring about the people he might have shoved in the process. his heart was thudding against his chest, too loud for him to even hear bucky and his friends whistling and cheering behind him. 

the stairs seemed infinite-his speed not even able to match the number of steps there appeared to be-but he got there. to the top of the terrace. to you. 

you stood near the bordering edge of the building, your back to him and arms crossed over your chest. you seemed to be looking at the sky laid out in front of you, stars and constellations decorating every inch of it. steve walked slowly towards you, perhaps afraid of startling you, and eventually reached where you were. he stood beside you, taking you in for a split second before you turned your vision to greet him.

“glad you could make it,” you smiled. 

it lit his face up, the view in front of him-you. steve was a courageous man, one who spoke his mind to get to the end of the line, to protect those he cared about. but when it came to you, well, that was different. 

“god, you have me wrapped around your finger and you don’t even know it, don’t you?” steve huffed with a light shake of his head. he lowered it down, afraid to even look at you. this was it; the closest confession he would ever allow himself to make. he was afraid of the rejection; afraid of the awkward conversations in front of bucky if you didn’t match his sentiments. how would he find another woman like you?

a little finger found its way under his chin. it lifted his head up an inch so he could look up, and when he did, the whole world stopped. a flirty grin was displayed on your lips and the soldier found himself wanting nothing more than to kiss it away. 

“i believe it’s quite the opposite, captain,” you retorted. you were testing the waters; seeing if he could finally notice how easy it was for you to turn to putty with a single glance from him. 

and then you did an unthinkable thing. your teeth pulled a corner of your bottom lip up, holding it in place before letting it slide back down gently as it slipped from their grip. it was hard not to do what steve did in the following moment. he was watching the entire thing, an urge to devour you whole lurking somewhere in his mind, and then briefly looked back up at your eyes. the same spark, desire, that had always been there for him covered your gaze, granting him permission to do everything he was thinking about. he glanced back down at your lips again and didn’t hesitate in taking you in.

his lips pressed together to yours, his hands finding your waist and gripping slightly while your own arms snaked around his neck. you pulled each other closer, only what your dress and his uniform allowed you to, and you wished for time to stop running. his lips felt like fire against your own, an addicting heat that seemed to burned with the intensity of a thousand suns. he tasted of whiskey, the flavor that his tongue dripped off clogging up your senses and releasing a little more than just a thrill through you.

but then the fire, the burning, the passion altogether was gone. your lips separated themselves from his and you let out a small whimper at the loss, causing steve to laugh quietly. you brought one of your hands to cradle his cheek, a thumb caressing his bottom lip delicately. you saw it curl upwards, simultaneously feeling his grip on your hips tighten. you leaned in to place one more peck-maybe two, or three- and looked up at him after. 

“i can’t believe i just kissed captain america,” you grinned. 

“i can’t believe i’m holding the most beautiful girl in the world.”

[becomingbrave6]

Year 2

Hello all you lovely people! It’s been a few months since I have had a chance to give an update, so I wanted to share with you how things are going. I had an absolutely incredible “summer” break during February and March. My friend Anna came to Ecuador to see me. I went to Florida with my family. I traveled throughout some of Europe with my friend Kayla for two weeks, and I spent a month home visiting friends and family, and my dog/son Maximus. It was the perfect amount of time spent sight-seeing, adventuring, and rejuvenating. I fell in complete love with Italy, and also with some of the major cities I was privileged to visit, like London and Amsterdam. Here are some photos from my time. What a time to be aliiiiive!! Total bliss.

At the end of March, I returned to Ecuador to begin my second year teaching abroad. I had a week to settle in before we hit the ground running with training and prepping for the year. I am absolutely loving my new living space! I am enjoying the location of my new apartment. I can walk just about anywhere that I need, and I am right next to a park, where I love to go running.

At school, our administration made some changes this year, so our grade level (4th Grade) became departmentalized. This means that I am teaching less subjects, as opposed to last year when I taught all. This year I am teaching Language Arts and Social Studies only. I am also teaching more students! I now teach two groups instead of one; students rotate throughout the day (that’s 45 little people!!). In the beginning, I didn’t know what to expect with the change because I had never been departmentalized before, but I liked the idea of having more students and less focus on content. 

I am now five weeks into my second year, and I am already feeling a big difference overall with the workload and management of my classes, in a positive way. There are a lot of great benefits to this layout that I am really enjoying. I feel that I have more time to focus on my students’ needs, and that is something that is so important to me! Last year, I found myself spending most of my work days working two extra hours (sometimes more) in order to keep up with the work load. This year, I am finding that I am able to be more prepared and organized, which has helped me to minimize a lot of stress. Nothing is perfect, but the alleviation is tremendous. 

A few of the friends I have made here have left / are leaving, which has been a little bit hard, but I am so happy for them and the directions they’re heading in. I am grateful that I was able to meet such amazing, encouraging people over this year. I am not sure what I would have done without their support, and I wish them the absolute best in their future endeavors. They are incredibly kind, ambitious people, and I am fortunate that I have met them. I know they were placed in my life for a reason!

I have started to make some new friends this year, which has been a blessing already. I have been able to do some traveling to the beach, which has been so lovely. I told myself that I wanted to visit the beaches in Ecuador more, and I have already been able to go three times since I came back in March!!

During the new year, I told myself that this year my goal and focus is to be more others-oriented. Last year, I felt like I had to focus a lot on myself in order to get through many of the challenges that I faced. It was definitely the hardest year of my life thus far, but it also brought with it so much reward and accomplishment that I could have never been capable of if I hadn’t taken the risk to come here. I have learned so much about who I am to the CORE, and God had walked me through some of the darkest and most lonely moments that I have faced. He placed people in my life who I needed in order to get through it. I learned just how passionate I really am about this work, and he has instilled in me so much love for these little people.  It was hard feeling unable to give as much as I wanted to give to them, and that weighed heavily on me since that is what I came here to do. I had to learn to take care of myself before I could take care of others. I learned to be flexible (an understatement - (iykyk)). I am learning to be patient (still working on this one). I learned that I was doing the best that I could have done with my situation. The lessons I learned were invaluable to the development of my character and profession.

So, this year is about giving it my all. I want to focus more on my students and helping others. I have already started doing this little by little. I feel like I already know my students more than I did at this point last year, and I have twice as many students! I can see how God has provided for me, is providing for me, and I know that I can do all things through Him, who strengthens me. I am excited to see what He accomplishes through me this year. After this year, my contract will be finished.. and I will need to decide what is next, but for now, I am grateful for the opportunity I have to grow professionally this year. I’m ready for this year’s adventures, challenges, and growth. Here we go!!!