#at my old house they came at like 6:15 am there was no room for error and everyone knew it

[lightgaswaterelectricityrent]

I think I missed the garbage truck but I don't know that which is humiliating because if so I just put the can out way after it already happened hoping for a miracle and everyone saw and yes I was wearing my robe

[bubbleddisasters]

Stupid Shit I’ve done/Gotten myself into by accident/been dragged into as Twisted Wonderland Characters:

—————-

Ace : Heard my sister screaming bloody murder downstairs and didn’t do shit because I assumed she was watching a horror movie. Turns out there was a fire in the oven.

Bonus: Sniped my friend in the eye from across the Cafeteria with a Ketchup Packet, Meant to hit his glasses, but he repositioned them at the last second.

Deuce: Answered Maine four times on a Historical Geography test and was wrong all four times.

Cater: Threw my phone out of the window in a panic after seeing one of my Idols followed me back.

Bonus : Accidentally convinced a transfer camper from Wales I was from London after I quoted something in the accent to myself in the showers and was too awkward to tell them I wasn’t when they struck up the conversation.

(I am from America, and the camp is in America.)

Trey: Accidentally created a puddle of Dark Red Icing and Stepped in it four times in a row while making a cake at 2 am.

Bonus : Befriended and helped out the owner of a French Bakery down the street when they started out, they ended up becoming really popular (rightfully so, her stuff is amazing) and now I either get free shit and/or Friends and Family Discounts.

Riddle : I have read the dictionary on multiple occasions out of sheer boredom.

Bonus: I once read the bible and marked down verses. Im not religious I just needed to win an argument.

Leona: Slept through an earthquake and 3 ambulances coming to my house bcs my sister was hurt.

Ruggie: Waited for families going inside to pass by and asked them to hold the door for me so I could sneak into a VIP rooms for free food. (Usually only at fancy hotels but luckily this strategy is flexible when your 5’2 with a baby face.)

Jack: Used to Smash open large rocks containing Crystals or Quartz at the beach as a kid, and now I have a large collection of them.

Bonus: I have extremely good hearing, to the point I hear into the negative decibels up to -15 - -20 (according to the audiologist this is rare but i literally don’t know shit about audio and decibels) so my old dormmates used to try and bribe me to tell them what I heard about certain things or themselves.

Bonus 2: Almost got shot by an illegal hunter while in the woods with my sister.

Floyd : Cracked my skull open at the pool, lost consciousness for a few seconds and woke up in the water calling for help, then got confused on why I was calling for help.

Bonus : A Sea lion once came up to me while I was scuba diving and did little circles, bumped its snout on my mask and just followed me the whole time in a very gleeful manner as a temporary homie.

Bonus 2: Apparently ate / took bites of my moms library books as a little kid (????) according to the librarian.

Jade: Taught myself to untie my hands with my hands behind my back, tie by hands behind my back with my hands behind my back, deciphered, translated and memorized a fictional hieroglyphic language, Read from Act 1 to Act 6 of Homestuck, and accidentally discovered how to disguise Chocolate Ice Cream as Pistachio; all within the span of 2 weeks. (I had covid and was A-Symptomatic)

Bonus : Lived in the Woods for 7 months (in total), had a large bag of mica and Almost Drowned in a tent when there was no moving water nor rain. (Basically, I was asleep, Woke up underwater, nearly went back to bed, then shot out of my tent screaming “My Tent Titanticed!” )

(It was like 3 am don’t judge me)

Azul: Somehow ended up with $2200 dollars in $100s in Monopoly at the end of the game. Also have been stuck between two identical twins while talking with both and boi that shits TRIPPY. (I also almost died with them later but it was fine)

Bonus: I lived on a middle of fuck knows where island during the spring and summer up until covid, yet I absolutely despise eating fish or Shellfish, and the smell often makes me nauseous.

(Bonus 2: I love shiny things, but very specifically fancy looking keys. I also had a weird obsession with signing a shiny contract after watching Ariel. Another tiny thing Is I own a Flotsam and Jetsam Scarf which I chuck around when Floyd or Jade pisses me off ingame.)

Kalim : Got distracted by a cool leaf while at a fancy resort in Xatapa, Mexico, and waddled off from my parents and explored around to try and find more, somehow managed to get extremely far and ended up lost in a whole different city for 6 hours while trying to find my way back.

Bonus 1: I had an obsession with Kiwis for awhile as a kid, and our neighbors house had a Pangium tree that reached over to our yard. (It was planted before either families moved in so we didn’t know) I thought it was some kind of strange Kiwi and ate one. I didn’t like it and was like “Oh maybe its not ripe” and waited 3-5 months then tried it again, same reaction, repeat process one more time.

I went to my parents out of curiosity and asked them what it was, and so after some process I am unaware of but I think my mom brought one of the fruits somewhere, we discovered what it was.

Pangium contains Fatal amounts of Cyanide if not properly prepared. I was fine but for the love of anything please don’t try eating it like little me did.

Bonus 2: I’ve Almost died more times than I can count on both hands and feet. Im not an heir or something fancy I just have wackass luck.

Jamil: Once had to talk my sister out of jumping off a tour boat because our cousin dared her to.

Bonus : Managed to make French Toast in the middle of the woods with Dehydrated Milk, Cinnamon, Three Eggs I stole, and a loaf of bread we got once a month. Also made 3 kinds marinated chicken in the middle of the woods.

(My Cooking Style is literally “just trust me bro.” I’m like Lilia except it actually works and is edible)

Epel : Whenever we went applepicking at my Grandfathers house, I’d climb into the trees and throw or pass the apples down. Sometimes I actually wish I could sit in trees more often shits comfy.

Bonus: My Mom was a Champion Horseback Rider as a kid, and sometimes took us to this Ranch I shall not name for my own privacy, but I’d run around with this group of kids and this one herding dog like a damn movie protagonist, sometimes go riding horses, or the one time we stole a tractor and near crashed it (THE REGRETS I STILL HAVE-) etc.

The WHIPLASH from that to going back to a whitewashed Northeast suburban town is insane.

Rook: My Cousins and I, and sometimes the kids at the priorly mentioned ranch, would play the most intense games of manhunt (basically really intense hide n seek at night) ,

I mean wearing camo if you had it, alliances, little dollar store walkie-talkies, code words, binoculars, climbing in trees or hiding in bushes/tall grasses/Hay to “scout”.

I hid in a large pot/vase more than once and another time on a roof, and (ONLY ONCE, DO NOT DO THIS IM STUPID) under a car.

I still remain the top in last man standing points. Mostly bcs I’m stingy with rescues but shhh

Vil - Accidentally poured a lot of liquid eyeliner into my eye, was literally crying out Eyeliner for 30 minutes. Also taught myself to run and jump in heels as a kid because I thought it looked cool in movies.

Ortho : Unknowingly was Hacking my Elementary School Databank for several years,

I genuinely thought it was normal to go on the school website, press a few buttons and be able to find a friends address if I had a playdate and needed to tell my mom where the house was, a parents phone number if needed communication with my friends parents , and mostly ignored the other general info.

I didn’t even know I did this until my dad told me a few months ago that I almost got suspended for it but by the time they found out it was the end of my last year there. ;—;

Edit: I feel I should elaborate that my dad had somewhat recently told me that I almost got suspended for that in elementary school, but all that happened 5 YEARS ago. Hence why I was so surprised because I was never told back then.

Idia: Accidentally acquired both a Nahida and Eula in Genshin and was genuinely annoyed at the time, they are now my most powerful DPS’s…

Bonus : I own a shit ton of original Japanese first edition Pokemon Cards my cousin gave me, (they are probably worth more than me which is neat), and I have a giant pile of Pokemon plushies I have infact fallen asleep on or in on multiple occasions.

Bonus 2: I was playing Breath of the Wild, and my very first thing I did after getting off the plateau was beeline for the castle. I actually got all the way up and took out 2 blights but the Wind one kicked my ass.

Bonus 3: Got confessed to and asked out by a guy I did not like nor knew very well, and I panicked, said “Maybe, Sorry no.” And ran into a wall. Also have crawled through a chute to avoid an awkward situation as a kid (do not recommend its dusty and definitely not safe)

Bonus 4: Once didn’t sleep for 5 days.

Malleus : Accidentally attended a Private Party and a Private Funeral in the same week. I was not invited nor knew anyone present. Stayed there for most of it because I was too nervous to say I wasn’t supposed to be there. Whoop.

Bonus: Got nicknamed the “Trip Curse.” By my Old Dormmates because everytime I went on a trip with them everything seemed to go to shit or get hella chaotic.

Bonus 2: Another camping one: Once woke up at night with a shit ton of fireflies just chilling in my tent. It was serene but also I genuinely thought I was hallucinating for a few minutes.

Lilia: Literally will hang upside down anywhere I can, its so fun bro.

Bonus : I know an extremely large amount of useless historical information, and once genuinely realized I know more about poison than what flour and eggs are used for in baking.

Silver : Once befriended a wild horse ( Im like 90% sure he was a Chestnut).

I called him Clover the Dog like horse because he was honestly just a golden retriever in the body of a horse.

This is great and theres alot of sweet moments, but then theres the times you have a giant horse galloping full speed at you for attention or trying to nudge you affectionately and nearly pushing you into a creek in the process.

Sebek: Got groundstruck by lightning once. Also I am often told I have a loud voice.

Che’nya : a good friend of mine and I have an inside joke at school where if we see eachother through a window (my school has alot of indoor windows for some reason?), we’ll text the other “Behind you.” Or “To your left.”

——————-

Theres more things I can think of but I have run out of characters and this is getting too long, so ye!

[robinette-green]

Two Hunters and a Bloodsucker

My life is good for what it is. Except that I’m dead. Well, undead. I’ve been undead for about 15 years now, and I haven’t aged a day.

Being a vampire hiding among humans can be difficult at times, mainly dealing with sunlight and avoiding mirrors, but I manage. I’ve been living and working in this little town as the town blacksmith for about 7 years now, and I’ve become a full-fledged member of the little community here.

I thought I had been doing a good job hiding my presence among the humans, but one day two of the most well-known vampire hunters came into town. If they find out what I am, they will kill me, but both of them have become intent on becoming my friends and maybe more. How can I keep myself from being discovered when two hunters are trying to romance me?

Current word count: 58,520

Tags: Sun and Moon are humans, Fluff and Angst, Sun and Moon are vampire hunters, Blood, Not beta read we die like men!, Blood Drinking, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Angst and Feels, MC is a vampire, Mild Gore

AO3 Chapter Links:

Chapter 1: Hiding in Plain Sight Two vampire hunters come to town and ask me to forge them some silver bullets

Chapter 2: Complications Despite trying to avoid both hunters, I run into both and the flirting intensifies

Chapter 3: Deadly Romance The two hunters watch me work and I accidentally take a nap on the roof of my workshop

Chapter 4: This is a chapter I’ve gone too long without drinking blood but I need to finish these bullets.

Chapter 5: Leaving The hunters take me with them when they leave to take care of their next job

Chapter 6: This is Also a Chapter On the road and the hunters start asking me questions about being a vampire

Chapter 7: Chapter Name Here We reach a little seaside town and get a room at an inn

Chapter 8: Why do Chapters Need Names? It’s morning and we meet with an old friend of the hunters

Chapter 9: I Refuse to Come up With Another Real Chapter Name Classic horror movie setting. A thunderstorm and an old rickety house on a cliff.

Chapter 10: This Chapter has a Fight in it … This chapter had a fight in it.

Chapter 11: Really Dead? Lives are saved and we’re on the road again

Chapter 12: Hot Stuff (I’m not sorry) We make it to the capital city and meet the hunters’ uncle

Chapter 13: Well… Blood, a nap, and a nighttime walk

Chapter 14: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! “What happened to ‘I need time?’”

Chapter 15: What are Emotions? Floating on a fluffy cloud of fluff.

Chapter 16: Calm before the Storm Food and new clothes

Chapter 17: Chapter The Hunters Guild

Chapter 18: Chapter the next Late night visitors and a trip to a famous smithy

Chapter 19: Beginning of the End Things aren’t always what they seem

Chapter 20: Loss and Blood Escaping and meeting a horse

Chapter 21: Running Trying to get back to town

Chapter 22: Chapter plus a number of Meeting old friend and coming up with a plan

Chapter 23: Body Chute Sneaking in to save the day

Chapter 24: Hell Fire We’re here to save the day! But can we get away?

Chapter 25: The Worst Chapter

Horrible things happen

Chapter 26: IN PROGRESS

[faneliansficaloh]

A Lifetime of Happiness

(Ch 1) (Ch 2) (Ch 3) (Ch 4) (Ch 5) (Ch 6) (Ch 7) (Ch 8) (Ch 9) (Ch 10) (Ch 11) (Ch 12) (Ch 13) (Ch 14) (Ch 15)

This is Chapter 16

Read in AO3

Notes

----------

30 January 1818

Dear Penelope,

You better than anyone on this earth knows that it has not been determination exactly that has brought me where I am today. It was self preservation, mostly, but I thank you for the sentiment any way. I will concede that I was determined to stop harming others with my tomfoolery, though.

You are wise beyond your years Pen, and there are very few people in this world whose opinion I value as much as I do yours, in all matters. So you must tell me if you think I should be worried about Amanda. I’ve noticed lately that she has been trying to care for us in her own way, treating us like her little pets, some times. She admonishes us for not eating our vegetables, and the other night she came in to my little study well after her bed time to tell me to go to sleep.

I promise I will follow whatever you recommend. I learned my lesson that one time I did not listen to you and for that transgression I have paid dearly, so I hope you have already forgiven me. Besides, I believe it was Prudence’s singing that made me temporarily deaf at the time.

Please give Prudence my regards, as well as her husband. Unlike Mr. Finch, Mr. Dankworth has not written to me frequently, so I shall rely on you for this short greeting.

You should be receiving spring and its early flowers by the time you get this letter. I hope you’ve also received the news you wish so much for.

Yours, Colin.

1815 – Flown away

It had been a smaller affair than Portia Featherington would have liked it to celebrate her daughter marrying a baron, but everybody agreed that the ceremony was lovely and the wedding breakfast was perfect. Well, almost everybody.

She had changed into a travel dress as they were to depart for Surrey immediately after the celebration. Mrs Varley had to help her as Rae had already been sent on her way to prepare things for her in what would be her new home.

It was an odd feeling, as she looked around at her mostly-empty room. All her things had already been packed and sent away, and Mrs. Varley looked like she might cry.

“We are all very happy for you, my Lady, the staff send their congratulations”

“That is very kind, thank you.” It felt odd to accept that she would miss this house and the people that inhabited.

“We will miss you”

“I will miss you, too. Thank you for looking after us all these years, Mrs. Varley.” She held and pressed the woman’s hand in hers to show her affection.

The old woman smiled with pride. “I will let them know that you’re ready”

“Yes, thank you.”

Penelope took a last look at her bedroom and taking a deep breath marched resolutely out the door. She was climbing down the stairs when she heard the well known sound of domestic gossip and could not help herself. There were a couple of young maids cleaning up after the celebration.

“Well, I’ll say that for man not in love, Lord Debling is awfully sweet to her” said one of them

“Isn’t he?” The other one seemed to feel vindicated “And the way he smiles when he looks at her.” The emphasis implied there was something special about such a smile.

“In any case, I hope the miss will be very happy” The first maid replied, trying to sound very sensible.

“She is a Lady now, Anna” Penelope could not help a little giggle to escape her at this.

“Oh, I keep forgetting!”

Penelope was touched to hear the maids’ well wishes were genuine, and the validation that it wasn’t only her imagination and that there had indeed been a sweetness present in their courtship, gave her renewed hope that this had been the right decision. There was just one thing that worried her at present.

She said goodbye to her sisters and her mother, who had unexpectedly embraced her, almost making her cry. It was a quick but tight hug, her mother’s hand pressing her almost painfully, and when she let go she put her hands on her shoulders and with a tight smile she nodded encouragingly, as if sending out her best soldier into battle. You can do this was written in her face. Penelope nodded reassuringly in return.

Lord Debling helped her get into the carriage, looking through the window she waved her family goodbye one last time. Her husband sat across her and as soon as the carriage started moving, he proceeded to remove his coat and his cravat. As he did so, he noticed she had averted her eyes to the floor, her skin flushed and a very worried expression across her face “Are you very nervous?” his voice was warm and hesitant.

“I am” He moved to sit beside her, took her hand and kissed it, not letting go afterwards. Then it dawned on him.

“Forgive me, I should have – it is going to be a long ride under the sun. I am not used to travel with female company, I should have asked you before removing my coat. Did... your mother tell you about the-” he cleared his throat “wedding night?” If she weren’t so worried herself, she might have noticed that he seemed nervous as well.

She could feel her heart in her throat. “She did.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at him in the eye, it was so very, uttterly mortifying.

He then wondered exactly what her mother had told her because he could see her panic.

“You do not have to worry. I will not ask you to repeat whatever she’s told you, but just know, we do not have to do anything you do not feel ready for.”

She turned to look at him fully, her sight finally unglued from the floor, full of surprise. Her mother had said it would be demanded of her. He lowered his head near to hers, and spoke softly “I will wait”, then took her chin in his hand and kissed her. And she could feel his smile when she kissed him back and after some hesitation, her hand gently reached his cheek, as if testing something. He then kissed her palm and said “It might be more difficult than I thought, but I will” with what she could swear was a mischievous smile.

It was not the first time they kissed, nor was the one at the end of the wedding ceremony. He had kissed her when she accepted his proposal, but that had been a very chaste kiss, not what she had experienced with her own very first kiss. If she had been expecting it, she would probably have been disappointed, but it surprised her and in the moment it felt incredibly tender and right.

Their second kiss had been very different, her heart had skipped a beat and she had felt it somewhere deep inside of her, it had been the night of their engagement party, and she could still remember the feel of his hand on her neck and her back.

The kisses were perfectly good, she enjoyed them in fact, and therein lied the real heart of the matter that had been in her mind since. It was hard for her to reconcile the fact that she was apparently capable of liking the touch of a man who wasn’t the one her heart loved. She never thought it possible to enjoy kissing someone other than Colin. This was, of course, a good discovery as it meant she wouldn’t have to make her life with someone whose touch she couldn’t bear, but it still clashed with all her notions of what true love meant.

In any case, the fact that she had enjoyed his kissing and wasn’t uncomfortable with her hand in his right this moment, didn’t mean that she was ready for the nakedness and climbing atop of each other her mother had described the night before, as if she had needed to have nightmares immediately before her wedding day. Portia had explained the wedding night to her in such stark detail that she felt she might have been better off not knowing anything at all.

Apparently Portia had felt the need to over-correct whatever instruction she had provided to her elder sisters as it seemed to not have helped them, and she was even more eager to make sure Penelope would secure an heir for the Debling estate than she had been for the Featherington title, so although it was clearly mortifying to her, she powered through and told Penelope all she thought was necessary to increase the chances of a pregnancy.

“So, have you given any thought to who will be your first guest at your new home?” He said, trying to distract her, as she had hardly said a word for a good while.

“I haven’t even set foot there myself yet!” She couldn’t even imagine what this new home would be like. There must be trees, and a garden, that much she had imagined.

“So you haven’t thought about it at all?” She had mentioned she wanted to run her own home, so he expected her to be excited about the prospect of entertaining visitors.

“I suppose it would have to be my mother”

“Will she be joined by your sisters and your cousin?”

“Not my cousin, I don’t think” She noticed his intrigued face “Her husband is so busy nowadays. I don’t think they will be travelling as much” Never her cousin. It was after all, the whole point.

“I thought you would be more eager to have Miss Bridgerton, you seem more closely attached to her”

“That is entirely true. But I wouldn’t want to hurt mama. She does care a great deal for social standing, she would take it as an affront. I have already disappointed her with a perfectly sensible wedding, I cannot add another insult. Do you entertain many visitors?”

“Not many that are not strictly on business, but as the time draws near for the expedition, there will probably be an increase in visits. You will have to practice with your new name, we would not want any blunders, Lady Debling”

She smiled. She was! She truly was Lady Debling now! Penelope Featherington had been forever left behind in Mayfair, doomed to live as only a memory for the few that would care to remember.

***

They arrived in the afternoon, there was still a good hour of sunlight outside. It was comforting that it wasn’t that far from town, although it was twice as far from the Featherington country seat by her calculations.

It was not a very large, imposing building. To Penelope it looked exactly as a home should look. Despite it’s plain and cool white colour, the large windows and the details of the facade seemed to invite one to the warmth of it’s interior.

As they descended the carriage, they were greeted by the servants, all lined up to welcome them. Her husband introduced the butler, Mr. Wilcox and the Housekeeper, Mrs. Donaghy. Penelope was glad to see Rae smiling at her from the ranks as she had accepted to join her as her lady’s maid.

Mrs. Donaghy, the housekeeper, quickly explained that the house had 14 bedrooms and dressing rooms, 2 bathrooms, 3 reception rooms a comfortable lounge hall and ample domestic offices, she went on to note that the stable counted with men’s rooms and there was additional housing for the groundskeeper. The boastful tone Mrs. Donaghy used made it all sound as if she was trying to convince Penelope to buy the property, but it was to serve as a mere introduction of sorts. It was arranged that Mrs. Donaghy would give her a proper tour and introduce her to the staff the next day.

Nevertheless, she now was facing the reality that she would be responsible for all of that, for the people who actually did the work to maintain it and the many tenants and related properties. Lord Debling had assured her that she would not be entirely on her own, there were a solicitor, a business manager and clerks that would make sure things ran smoothly, but she knew that at the end of the day, decisions would be required from her. It was a sobering thought, none the less. Suddenly the anxiety of the wedding night was entirely forgotten, and replaced by an overwhelming sense of responsibility.

“Would you like to see the grounds, or do you prefer to retire to rest?” He was rolling up his sleeves as he said this

“I would love to walk outside for a bit” She was aching from the many hours spent on the carriage. It was a hot day but a nice breeze rustled the canopy of the large trees surrounding the house, inviting her in to their shade.

She was rewarded with a very lovely sight – The ton’s country homes she had visited all had very similar, meticulously manicured gardens, with neatly trimmed hedges and distinct groups of flowers carefully arranged. She didn’t know how to describe it exactly, but this garden made one feel like one was actually out in nature. It looked wild, and seemed overgrown, with different types of trees on all sides, vines and flowers of many kinds but the pathways were clear and neat, and there were benches in different spots. It was charming, and felt full of life.

“We try not to interfere with the plants too much, only where it is necessary for them to thrive or to avoid or repair damage.” She could see he was profoundly proud of this. “It also allows for all kind of small creatures to have a home”

“Doesn’t that become dangerous?”

“Only if we are aggressive in our invasion of their home. From time to time we might have to chase one out of the house, but they mostly keep to themselves if we do not disturb them”

“Like we are doing now?” her tone was alarmed at the thought.

“They are used to quiet visits. I usually sit over here, come” He motioned to the edge of the garden that bordered with the woods at the North, which was on slightly higher ground. “From here one can appreciate the full view of the garden, the house and if one turns around, we can look into the woods. It is a good spot to catch a sight of nuthatches and the occasional sparrowhawk, hopefully not at the same time.” Her face was questioning so he clarified “The sparrowhawk might hunt the nuthatch”

“Oh” Was her only reply and they fell into a comfortable silence while they drank up the scenery, bathed in the warm light of the late afternoon.

He looked very pleased and completely at ease, with his legs extended, one crossed over the other, his hands interlocked behind his head as he reclined on the bench’s backrest. She thought back at how different he seemed now from the first impression she got of him when they met at Lady Danbury’s ball. He had seemed like a very serious, rather stiff man. They had little by little grown comfortable with each other while courting, but here he was completely relaxed, absolutely himself, and she felt there was still a world contained within him she did not know about. She wanted to know.

“Did you spend your days in this spot, as a boy?”

“Not at all! We used to live in Derbyshire. This house in fact is fairly new, I only came into residence after I came back from Shrewsbury and then I went away to Cambridge soon after.”

“Sounds like you’ve lived all across England at one point or another” It also sounded like he wasn’t used to staying in one place for long.

He shook his head in disagreement “I have yet to visit Cornwall”

“Is that intentional or an oversight?” She teased.

“An oversight, I can assure you I do not hold any ill will towards the Cornish people or their land”

“I haven’t been either, maybe we should go together – Once you return?”

He turned to her and nodded “It is settled, then”

“That was very easily agreed!” she chuckled.

“You could have gotten away with anything, you just went really low” he shrugged.

She twisted her mouth “Alas! I’ve squandered my powers on Cornwall” she threw her arms up in fake disappointment.

“Indeed. Next time you will have to actually say Please” She laughed and he was clearly delighted. He stood up and offered her his hand “Should we go inside?” She nodded and followed him.

They went into the house the opposite way from which they had come into the garden, through the door on a bow window.

“I wanted to show you this, before I let you go rest”

It was the library. Most of the walls were covered with books from floor to ceiling, with some smaller bookshelves standing behind a couple of big sofas that faced the very large bow window on the south wall, which meant one would have plenty of light all day long. There was also a great desk that had some maps displayed on top and on the mantle of the fireplace there was a large painting of a nautical scene. She could picture him spending hours in that room, studying his maps and preparing for his travels, writing about his findings.

“It is so lovely!” Her face was alight with joy and his with pride at having pleased her.

“It’s all yours. You can, perhaps, start writing your novel on this desk” The look on his face as he said this was so tender, it seemed to her that he had already pictured her writing there. She felt an overwhelming wave of affection for him. “These are the latest additions, curated by your closest friend” He pointed at a bundle of books tied with a ribbon that sat on the very same desk.

She went to inspect the bundle, untying the ribbon. It was a selection of novels and the Wollstonecraft book Eloise had been so insistent she read. “When did she – why didn’t she give these to me herself?”

“I asked what she would recommend to add to our library so that you would enjoy it from the first day”

“This is perfect, I don’t know what to say! That you got Eloise to do this for you, really – You should be very flattered” It felt like Eloise had finally given her full approval.

“I am exceptionally glad to hear that. I will show you to your room and let you retire to rest, yes?”

“Alright” She nodded

They went out of the library towards the stairs, they made a right on the second landing and they entered a small lounge with a large window opposite the entrance, and with two doors, each in one side of the room. He pointed to the door to the left and said “That is your bedroom, mine is through that door. I believe Miss Rae is waiting for you already. I will let you rest and meet you for dinner” She nodded and smiled as he kissed her hand before making his way through the door they had entered, not into his room.

She watched him as he walked away, his shirt sleeves rolled up, his collar open and his hair all out of place now. She could fully appreciate just how tall and strong he really was, and how his hair now a little messy made him look more handsome than when he had it perfectly in place.

“Miss! -- Ma’am!” Rae greeted her

“Don’t worry, I am not yet used to being a Ma’am. I’m so very glad you decided to join me, Rae.” She mused that she was used to the Lady title in a way, but of course no one had ever addressed her as such.

“Should I draw you a bath? I’ve already set out some choices for you to wear to dinner later”

“Yes, please, I would like to take a bath”

“Yes, ma’am. I will have tea sent as well, as you wait for the bath to be ready”

“That’s very thoughtful, thank you, Rae”

She was left alone with a soft click on the door. She took a look around the large room. It had two windows, the largest one a bow window similar to the one in the library, but not as tall. It was in the same orientation, so during the day it would be a very bright room when the curtains were apart. There was a small desk in front of it, already fully stocked with ink and paper, surely Rae’s doing. A large wardrobe stood near the door she had come in, and then she noticed that opposite the bow window there was another door. She went to inspect it and found that was the bath room, which had another door which would open to the hallway, so it must be a shared bath. She couldn’t help blushing at the thought of her husband bathing, she immediately closed the door and kept inspecting her bedroom.

The four post bed was much bigger than the one she had had in her maiden room, it was dressed in simple soft lilac linens. At the foot of the bed there stood her locked chest. She went to check it remained unopened and sighed in relief. It carried the contents that had inhabited under the floor board at her mother’s house.

A moment later there was a soft knock on the door and a young maid set the tea on the table near the smaller window, which looked out to the road in front of the house. She had her tea and after that took her bath. For dinner, she chose a shot silk burgundy dress with golden details over the deep blue muslin one. It might be too adorned for a simple dinner without guests, but it seemed to her it was more befitting for ending a day of celebration. To balance out she had Rae make up her hair in a simple, low chignon with just a ribbon used as a head band.

His smile told her she had chosen well, he seemed enormously pleased. Clearly he had thought of ending the day in a celebratory note as he was back in his coat and cravat.

“Are you feeling refreshed?”

“Yes, tea and a bath was just what I needed”

As they entered the dining room, Penelope was struck by a portrait adorning the wall at the far end of the table. It was a beautiful young lady of very pale skin and golden hair, enveloped in a marvellous pink ball gown. She was smiling as if she could see something wonderful across the room, and there, at the other end, was the pair portrait of a man. His hair was a darker blonde, sported a thick moustache but no beard and seemed stately as he was portrayed wearing full regalia. He was also smiling, but a little more dignified, even though his head seemed to be slightly tilted as if something were in the way of what he was looking at.

“My mother and my father” He looked quickly at both paintings, but his stare landed on Penelope’s face as she surveyed them herself.

“I see he was a handsome man, but she was truly breathtaking” She said full of admiration. “And the portrait is so well done, I can tell the texture of the silk, and I can almost smell the jasmines” There were no jasmines depicted, but she had remembered that their fragrance reminded him of his mother. He was surprised and touched that she remembered.

Above the fireplace there was a rustic landscape, which barely showed a red brick manor peeking among the trees near a lake, more prominently shown were various animals grazing on the grass. It was a fine work, but it seemed out of place. She would have expected a family portrait instead.

“The red building is the Derbyshire house. It is currently let by Stanhope”

“Is it a very beloved view?”

“Not particularly. In truth, I have not made any changes of my own to the décor. You have full authority on that regard now” He said, as they took their seats. Instead of being separated by the full length of the table, he sat at the head of the table, and Penelope on his right.

“Are you sure?”

“Is there much you wish to change already?”

“Not at all! But I do not want to cause a quarrel later for having moved something dear out of place”

“I daresay, there is nothing in this house, outside of my own room, that I would quarrel about”

She was reminded of Philippa saying that as soon as she took over their mother’s house her first order of business would be to get rid of the ghastly curtains and couldn’t help but laugh.

“My apologies. I was just reminded of a silly thing one of my sisters said once about my mother’s curtains” He seemed curious so she told him “Philippa called her curtains ‘ghastly’ right in front of her. She is not very concerned with the feelings of others or their perception of her.”

“But that could be a very good or a very bad thing, couldn’t it? One should have a modicum of consideration for the feelings of others”

“Oh, she can be mean but I no longer think it is out of any ill intention, and for her it seems at least to be freeing, I think.”

“But should that kind of freedom be at the expense of others? I still think consideration of others’ feelings is necessary”

“Lady Danbury once told me that one could speak their mind freely at any time if one could accept the consequences. I think Philippa has been doing exactly that, perhaps unknowingly”

“But what if the consequences do not only involve oneself? What if what is said only hurts others?”

“Have you ever been in such a position?”

“I do not believe I have ever found myself in a position where I didn’t have the choice to stay silent instead of being hurtful.” He declared and drank from his glass.

Penelope had of course given the matter some consideration already, a thousand times over. “I’d wager that a guilty conscience is a terrible consequence to endure, my Lord. If we were discussing an individual incapable of remorse or without a conscience entirely, then every point is moot. Such a person does not have any reason not to do exactly as they please in any case. But I have not yet met any such person. Thankfully, I might add.”

“And yet, there might be unexplored ramifications, and remorse is not very useful when damage has already been done. Once they’re said, words stay spoken.”

“If we could always take the time to consider every possibility then we should, but life often presses us and action should not be delayed”

He pondered out loud “I wonder what can possibly weigh on your conscience so.”

“That I let my mother choose those ghastly curtains without saying anything to stop her.” She smiled, cheekily and he shook his head, with an amused smile on his lips as she shrugged. “I am no philosopher, sometimes I just follow my thoughts until they unravel haphazardly.”

“I do so enjoy the unravelling of your thoughts and trying to keep up with them.”

She truly wished she could share the full truth with him, but nothing good would come from confessing that her biggest regret had been delaying action because she had considered everyone else’s feelings and the consequences that revealing the truth would bring upon them, and that this delay had probably caused more pain and irreversible damages than having outright hurt everyone much earlier.

That night they said goodnight in the shared space between their rooms. She decided to take him up on his word to wait. Her heart was still fighting a losing battle and the rest of her wanted to give it a respite. She told herself she needed to rest.

Alone in that strange bed, in that strange room her thoughts drifted to Colin, and she allowed it because she needed to exhaust the thoughts that led her to him time and time again. It was absurd that every time her husband touched her, kissed her, and whenever she felt a spark light up for him, she felt guilty. Every time she felt closer to him, she felt as if she were betraying Colin. How could the mere shadow of something that was never a reality, not even a possibility, be wedging itself into her marriage?

Maybe in another life they would find each other again, make all the right decisions and be able to avoid all of the heartbreak they had brought upon each other. But meanwhile, she needed to make the best of this life. So far it had started well, she could see herself being content, maybe even happy in that house, with her kind husband.

She would be alone for long periods of time, but she was used to being on her own, and London was not that far away if she felt the overwhelming need to see anyone. She would be there for the social season at least, as a respectable lady. She had been repeating all of these facts to herself for over a month now.

But try as she might, she couldn’t stop thinking back to the night when she almost let her heart overrule her mind completely. She almost said yes to his desperate plea; he would divorce, they could get married and live somewhere else, far from the ton, far from everything they held dear but themselves, where it wouldn’t matter. She had been stunned. Even after they had kissed, so many months ago, she had never expected Colin to actually believe himself in love with her. It was a scene taken out of her most outrageous fantasies and she was caught completely by surprise.

It had been merely a week before. He had figured out which one was her window and thrown pebbles at it until she noticed him and came down. She had gone to meet him at the back entrance, through the kitchen in the middle of the night. It was madness, anyone could have seen them, in fact she wasn’t sure no-one had, but if they had, they chose to keep silent. She wondered if Eloise had told him that was how she used to get her to come out, but she doubted Eloise would have given that up to Colin.

“Are you out of your mind? What on earth are you doing here at this hour?” She had spatted in a low voice as she lead him to the garden, where the trees might offer better protection against anyone taking a peek through a window.

“Yes! Yes, I am out of my mind, Pen. I have been for a long time now. But in this moment, I’m sure I’ve never been more sane. I’ve come to beg of you, please do not marry him” His thumbs rubbed anxiously against his loosely clenched fingers, his face looked sick with dread.

“Oh, of course! Anything for you, Colin. Will that be all?” She said throwing her head back, furiously sarcastic.

“Do not mock me, please.” He instinctually moved his right hand to his chest, as if to protect his aching heart “I am serious. Marry me!”

“What? Have you been drinking?” She looked at him searchingly for signs of intoxication, while he shook his head. Her expression of disbelief clearly crushing him, she continued “You are already married! To my cousin!”

“I’ll divorce her! I love you, Pen” He took a large step towards her and took her hands in his, his next words soft but urgent, his face pleading “I do, I love you completely, with every fibre of my being, every part of my soul. Every thought, every dream and step I take, it’s all for you. I have been trying in vain to fill this void inside myself, but I understand now, that I will never be complete without you” He reached out to touch her face, his big palm cradling her face, feeling her warmth and trying to assuage the fear showing so clearly in her eyes. “I’ll divorce her and then we can… you and me can marry and go live somewhere very far away, where it won’t matter”

And as mad as it was she hesitated for the longest second, she had allowed herself to get lost in his eyes. He took full advantage of that hesitation to kiss her ardently, desperately and not only did she let him, she gave in completely, even as her good sense started to come in, she just told herself this would be the last time, their final farewell and then she would close his chapter in her story completely, but first she would commit to memory his taste, and the silkiness of his hair as she ran her fingers through it, the warmth and scent of him. They were in each other arms, him pressing her against the trunk of a tree. It seemed as if he knew her mind, for he did allow very little space to breathe, as if he feared that as soon as she were able to speak again, this feverish dream of his would be over for good, all hope gone forever.

When he finally parted his lips from hers and pressed their forehead against each other’s, his hands cupping her face, looking deeply into her eyes searchingly, she still found herself faltering. She had a lump in her throat and she found she was already crying, his thumb tenderly wiping away a tear streak. She just shook her head slowly, a sharp pain filling her heart as she saw his eyes were overflowing with tears as well, as he took a step back.

“I’m sorry. I know--” He tilted his head and closed his eyes, trying to regain his voice “I cannot ask you, I wouldn’t want you to disgrace yourself for me. But I had to.” His voice was broken, as he shrugged “I didn’t expect a different answer, but I had to. Forgive me.”

She nodded. “Colin, I will always--” He prevented her from admitting something that he already knew to be true in his heart, but he felt it would only destroy him hearing the confirmation from her lips.

“Please, don’t” he went back for one last soft kiss “good night, Pen” in a couple of quick steps he was out of her sight.

She never thought having Colin confess his love for her could hurt so much.

Chapter 17 -- Tumblr "clean" version

Chapter 17 -- in AO3 includes an explicit sex scene.

If you read it in AO3, please let me know if you think the sex scene is unnecesary. It is the first time I write one, I was feeling bold but I am unsure of it now. I took it down from Tumblr because it gave me the impression it either bombed or it was not showing up on people's feeds.

[chansbabygirlsstuff]

hi hi !! ur writing is so cute!

Request here,

can you write something like best friend's popular brother hyunjin who secretly likes reader (she does as well but thinks she has no chance) and then one day he confesses being all shy and shes like WHAT

anything like this u can decide i love whatever you write !<3

Hey beautiful, thank you for requesting, your lovely comment made my day! ( I was having a difficult day) so with lots of love, I will do this for you!

Song recommendation: Popular by the weekend

Popular

Paring:hyunjin!x!reader!

Warning: fluff

Your POV

Mr. popular passes through the corridors, his scent leaving traces behind him, leaning against my locker my eyes follow him and walk all the way outside, his smile flashing to his friend talking about something only them will know.

"Hello? Are you listening to me?" my best friend catches my attention from him "Mhm? Yeah I am" My eyes draw to her now

"so are you gonna go?" she asked seriously "Where?" I asked confused

"I JUST TOLD YOU" Her frustration lands on me "Sorry I didn't pay attention" I truthfully say "To my house" She sighs "My stupid brother is going to bring Ashley over to the house and you know she annoys my ass like I can't stand watching her being so stupid with my brother like she is all over him and-" I cut her off before she explodes

"Hey, calm down girl it's ok, I will be there for you" I calm her down "Thanks, but you know... it's not because I'm jealous of my brother is just that she is such a pick me and every fucking girl is gushing over him and it's just so annoying" I understand her, I wouldn't like seeing my brother with some other girl in my house about every day

"do you know if they are dating?" my curious heart asks feeling a ting of jealousy "I don't know, I hope not"

We get to class and sit down, I look over at Hyunjin who is sitting in front of me, oh my poor little heart, when will you stop loving him?

4:40 pm

Yeji and I get ready to head to her house, we walk outside the school's door and feel the nice weather hitting our faces "Ain't it lovely Yeji" I smile loving this weather and wishing it would be like this everyday

"the weather is nice" she smiles and closes her sweater, "how about we watch the new movie that just came out 2 weeks ago?" she asks me "What movie?" I ask curiously "Well the tale of the nine-tailed fox" She answered my question "Oh, the one where Lee Dong-wook appears?" she nods as we get excited about thirsting over a 40-year-old man.

We get to her house open the door and leave my stuff in a chair "Let me get the popcorn ready" I say heading to the kitchen "ok girl ima put your stuff in my room and get everything ready" she shouts from the door already hearing her steps as she walks through the stairs

"hey y/n" Hyunjin smiles at me while making something to eat for himself "Hey Hyunjin" my heart drops as I didn't see him at first

It's normal for me to be at their house so he is accustomed to seeing me around here, we have known each other since I was 5 and he was 6, Yeji and I knew each other from kindergarten and we always used to play with her brother in my house or her house, so we become friends a long time ago, but I feel like it all changed since we entered high school since I was 15 we don't talk as much as before, just small talks, no more movie nights or baking time with him like we sorta got uncomfortable with each other, he also became Mr, popular at school so I believe he feels better than us now. Now I'm 17 and he is 18 and yeah we are in the same grade because his dumbass failed chemistry in 10th grade, obviously, he was so busy fucking his ex-girlfriend and doing her work for her than concentrating on himself that he was swept away 1 whole year because of it.

"How are you doing?" he asked me smiling at me and looking back down at his sandwich "I'm doing good and you?" I ask looking the popcorn to put it in the microwave. "I've been good, what are you guys doing today?" he asked me to make another of our famous small talks "We are going to watch a movie and maybe I'm staying over" I smiled and continued doing my work. "nice, lucky you, I have to do a project for history fro next week" "ah yeah the ones about the empires?" I ask "Yeah, I got put in with Ashley" he whispers and rolls his eyes at me showing his annoyance, and I laugh silently "It would've been better if I got chosen to be with you, you are pretty smart and organized, and we known each other for most of our life" he continues to finish his sandwich. "yeah right? I got chosen with Lia, so it was not bad at all, just her brother is a bit creepy" I say making a weird face remembering her brother and how immature he acts.

"oh yeah Daniel is awful" I nodded and put the popcorn in the microwave not forgetting what he said about me my tummy filled with butterflies, but again I reminded myself I couldn't let these feelings get the best of me, he barely talks to me and yeji would be so mad at me if I ever get to date him.

"But if you ever need me to him in his place please tell me and I will do it with pleasure" he smiles grabs his plate and rubs my head while passing by to the living room.

my cheeks got all red by his touch, I placed my hands over them to soothe them down the popcorn finishes and I get out of the kitchen

"oh Hyuinjin you so funny" I hear a girl exaggerating her laugh, ofc she is here, I feel a bit down and go to Yeji's room.

"everything is ready" I get to her bed and put the bowl in the middle of both of us she starts the movie and we are already melting by seeing Dong Wooks face.

something in me doesn't let me concentrate on the movie and a tinge of jealousy gets to me, it should've been me who was with Hyun-jin right now, not Ashley.

7:24pm

"May I join" Someone opens the door and looks at Yeji with pleading eyes "No go fuck yourself" She stretches and lays down in another position, so I move aside and pat the side of my bed to let Hyunjin join us "See she's nice, unlike you?" he says getting on the bed sticking his tongue out at her "no y/n why did you let him in!" she groans while saying it getting annoyed and moving to the side of the bed to give me more space, he lays on his stomach and hugs a small pillow and gets near me, his head touching my arm of how close he is to me.

Butterflies run through my stomach as I try to control my breathing so I do not blush.

15min later

"He's not that even good looking," He remarks making both of our heads look at him "Shut up you dickhead, he is the most handsome guy to ever exist" She throws a pillow at him, but he throws it back, sitting up and getting comfortable back in the sheets, now sitting like I've been doing this whole time, but our arms connect he looks down on me and smiles, I smile back and quickly look back at the movie, now I do feel my cheeks blush

"did you see how hot Lee Yeon's brother is?" yeji asked me "Yes Rang has that type of bad boy vibe right? but he is so gentle on the inside like he is so cute" I say as we comment on the series. But I feel Hyuinjins head on my shoulder hugging my arm trying to get comfortable on the bed, Yeji gives her back to me and I see her sleepy eyes trying to fight the urge to fall asleep, I pat her head gently making sure she gets some rest but I feel Hyun-jin caressing my arm with his thumb up and down. I feel his breath get more relaxed but I tense up feeling nervous about him.

I try to ignore it and continue watching the movie "Yeji look at the puppy" I pout looking at how cute he is "yeji?" I called her again but I heard no response from her "Did she fall asleep already?" he asked me

"mhm, I think she did" I try to shake her but she does not react, hating that she left me alone with her brother again.

"mmh ok, I'm going for something to eat wanna come?" I nod and get out of bed with him turning the TV and lights off for yeji to sleep as we walk out to the kitchen.

"what are you craving?" he asks me "What about some ramyeon?"

"Sure that sounds good" he started to boil the water while I took the packets out

"so... how did the project go? I asked curiously about the 2 of them

"it was... ok I guess, I kinda ended up doing it all by myself and she was very annoying btw," he said a bit disappointed.

"well I'm sorry to hear that," I said relieved to hear that it didn't go well between them, he got next to me to grab the cups of noodles, and our hands brushed each other, our eyes met and our bodies froze

He pecked my lips and stared into my eyes waiting for my reaction, my eyes widened and my mouth gaped looking at him in shock, but I didn't say anything staying in the same position.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't done that without asking you, I-I thought t-that maybe you wanted i-it"he stutters nervously looking everywhere but my eyes.

"W-why did you kiss me?" I asked in shock, his face in fear "I'm sorry y/n I couldn't stop myself I don't know what came over me, I-Ii just really like y-you and-"

"You WHAT?!"

"I like you y/n, I have since we were young" I stare at him in pure shock

"wait so wait what? so you like me? And you tell me until now?"

"what do you mean until now? I was scared you were going to reject me"

"I would never reject you Hyunjin, I've liked you since I was like 8," I said a bit angry that this didn't happen before

"YOU LIKE ME?!?!" he raises his voice in shock and joy

"yeah I do" I get a bit shy saying it out loud

he cups my cheeks and kisses me delicately his lips feeling soft, tasting him on my lips is kind of my new obsession.

when we separate ourselves in our eyes we see our future we just started.

and that is how I started to date Mr popular.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi loves enjoy

please comment, like, and give support!

The tag list is open

Please check out my other works too

[mattmurdock42]

A COMFORT AND MAGICAL TRIP WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

Henry Cavill X Female Reader / Wife X Husband

+- 1.3 k

Pov: you and Henry go on a rod trip, but he accidentaly unlocked one of your old traumas. But he can fix It, of course.

Fluff, cute, cuddlings and lots of huggs.

You and Henry were at a car trip, it was your vacation togheter, and you two have being planning it since a long time ago. You´d be on the trip for two weeks. First, there was a 12 hours road to the first city, which you were going to stay there for five days, on a 5 star motel. You and Henry left your house early, planing to get there at 17 pm. He would start driving at 3 am and you would change places at 9 am, so each would drive 6 hours. Everything was perfect. You two got on the car and you layed on the back seat and he sat on the driver place. At 9, he stopped at a caffe for you two have breakfast. You could notice how tired he was. You both ate and got in the car.

Henry: good night, my piglly.

He immediately fell asleep, and you couldn´t believe what you had just heard. Piggly? What did he meant with that? Was he calling you fat, hairy, smelly, what? Your feelings were a mix between anger, sadness, shame and anxiety. Maybe he meant well, but you didn´t care, you two had already discussed about what to call one another, he knew he should ask about adding a new pet name.

He woke up at 15 pm, and you were so mad at him, you could barelly look at him. Piggly? After some time he noticed something was not right with you.

Henry: y/n, is eveyithing okay?

y/n: i don´t know.

Your feelings were hurt, he knew how this kind of things could reach deep in you. You didn´t even know what to say to him.

Henry: Tell me what is wrong.

y/n: you know what is wrong.

He stopped to think about it for one second.

Henry: i´m sorry, but really don´t know.

y/n: then maybe you should think harder.

You two spent the rest of the trip in silence. You arrived at the motel, you checked in and, when you were going to your bedroom, Henry stoped you and said:

Henry: darling, i´ve thought during hours and i still don´t know. Please, tell me what i did, so i may not repeat it.

You kept going and arrived in front of your room, unlocking the door you say:

y/n: you did nothing much, piggly.

He stoped and, in a second, the memory came into his mind. He knew how you didn´t liked this name because of your childhood trauma. When you were a child, you´d spent christmas at your grandma, with your cousins, and your grandma had nicknames for all of you. She meant well, but didn´t knew the damage she was doing to you, by calling all of your cousins "little giraffes", and you "little hippo", or "piggly", somtimes. She called you that name because you were the only "fat" child ( you weren´t actually really fat). You knew it wasn´t her intension to make you feel bad, it was just her way of showing afection. You knew how much she loved you, always pampering you. However, it marked you forever. Henry knew how much he messed up. He entered the room and went to the bed and gripped your waist.

Henry: y/n, i´m so, so sorry. I was so tired that my brain stoped prossesing. I thought about that word because i had just ate bacon, you saw it. So, when i got in the car, i thought about saying good night to you and calling you something nice. I´m really sorry.

You were feeling disgusted by your body, all your anxiety had come back. You got away from his hands.

yn: i need to be alone for a while.

You went to the balcony to looked at te sea and wet your feet at the indoor small pool that the room had. After some minutes thinking, you came back inside and went to him. He was sitting at the bed, looking at his cellphone. He left his phone as soon as he saw you, looking at your eyes. You put your hands on his cheeks.

y/n: let´s eat, it´s been 8 hours since we last ate.

He agrees and you go to the hotel´s restaurant. During dinner, you two discussed what you were going to do for the rest of the night. You two agreed to stay in the pool, to relax from the road.

After dinner, you were at the pool, with some soft music behind. You weren´t as talktive and needy as before, and this was killing Henry. He loved how annoyingly quiet you could be when there were other people around, but when it was just you two, you didn´t shut up. He decides to get near you to resolve it. He gently aproches you from beside, hugging you.

Henry: please, y/n, you know i didn´t mean anything bad. I love you. You are the most beautiful woman ever. Stop overthinking. Just love yourself like i love you. Your grandma was a mean woman, you know that, you told me several times. She accomplished nothing on her life for you to listen to her. This is your own thoughts, pay attention to then, please. I´m so sorry.

You hug him, burying your face at his wet, beefy chest. You get away and keeps looking at the sea. Your behavior was starting to piss him off. He longed this time alone with you for so many time, and now you were upset because of an old lady. You two decided to go to sleep. You took a shower and layed on the bed. He was ready for your usual cuddles, which calmed you from the day, but you weren´t even close to him, you were laying at the extreme edge of the bed.

Henry: darling, come near me.

y/n: not now.

Henry: please, i can make you sleep faster, you know that.

y/n: i´ll sleep in some minutes.

He couldn´t take it anymore.

Henry: if you don´t come here by yourself, i´ll go there and make you come, in a not gentle way.

y/n: i doubt it.

You said and closed your eyes.

Suddenly, you feel a hand brutally grabing your waist and quickly lifting your uper body, as if you were a doll. Henry turned you to be face to face with him. Sometimes you forgot how strong he were. He placed you by his side and said.

Henry: i told you.

You tried to scape.

Henry: darling, please, stay. I need you. i will be the one who wont sleep without my other half.

As he said that, you quiet up. After some minutes, you go on top of him hugging his big chest, feeling his to hot warm through your body. You finnaly relaxed and admitted:

y/n: thank you, for being by my side and understanding my needs. And sorry for ruinning the first part of our trip.

Henry: it is not your fault, darling, i could never blame you for that.

You two fall asleep like that. The next morning, you wake up and go to have breakfast. You were as happy as before, talking about your plans for today and tomorrow, teasing him in sexual ways that you knew it would come back after the sun was sat, and only the moon could see you both at your beachy room,, exploring each others body without a map. A so welcoming and cozy place for the other.

[grumpygreenwitch]

Fanfiction 4-5

I do love automatic queues, did I ever mention that?

Buy me a Ko-fi?

1-2-3 + 4-5 + 6-7-8-9-10 + 11-12 + 13-14 + 15-16 + 17-18-19 + 20-21 + 22-23 + 24-25 + 26-27

4

Alyss spent a panicky afternoon combing and brushing his wing, afraid every time that his fingers would run into some more nightmarish greenbrier thorns that Jean had missed. But once he finally settled down, once reason reasserted itself and he could sit at his desk before his laptop, he found himself unaccountably distracted by memories of the vampire.

There was, he thought angrily, no call for anyone to be that well-muscled. It was unfair and it was distracting, and he ended up printing out his work and going over it by hand with a restless pencil, if only to try and force himself to focus. He spread the printouts everywhere on the desk, and then began to further take over the space; by the time someone came to fetch him for dinner he was sitting on the floor, paper everywhere. "Oh, crap." The woman froze at the door when she realized her opening it might disturb his work.

"Oh, it's fine. Sorry. It's fine." Alyss grabbed a folder. "The flood hasn't reached that far," he assured her.

"Wouldn't it be easier to do this on a computer?" she asked, pushing the door open slowly. She was a solidly built woman clad in a sensible skirt and a no-nonsense blouse, her tightly curled black hair pinned up in a bun, and her skin as dark as the mahogany of Alyss' desk.

"Yes, but not quite as satisfying," Alyss replied. "Sometimes if you want to choke someone you want them right there with you, you know?"

She laughed. "Already reached the choking someone point?"

"Not really, but I'm sure I'll get there. I'm still just beginning with Rhode Island. I don't think we've met."

"No. I'm Lilah. I'm supposed to be working with you through the auditing, but I was in Boston, Evie had a situation."

Alyss managed to get to his feet and found a path past the paperwork to offer her his hand. Her handshake was firm and strong, the scent of her vampirism settled and subtle, like Gevaun's. "You must the house liaison then."

"That I am." Her grin was friendly and warm. "Right now, though, I'm a dinner fetch."

"... Oh! Oh, I'm sorry," Alyss felt himself flushing, and Lilah's grin broadened. He rushed to the bathroom to wash his hands. "I'm so sorry, I get working and I lose track of time and place and really, everything -"

"It's fine," she assured him as they walked out of his rooms. "I'm a preemptive dinner fetch. I'm guessing that's why Gevaun sent me early. How's it going with Andrew?"

"Well, nothing Gevaun didn't know already. I imagine that means nothing you didn't know already. You're really just going to... let him be."

Lilah curled a brow at him, then looked away. "Andrew's not a bad sort. He's lazy, don't get me wrong. He's, pardon my language, fucking lazy. He could make so much of himself, he just... doesn't want to. But he was solid during the Cascade, and he was solid during the mess after, when I sincerely thought he'd crack. He's got the balls, he's got the will. Just not the drive."

"Is he old?"

"No, but I get your point. It'd make sense if he were tired. He's not. He's just lazy. Outright." She shrugged. "He'll do fine with whoever Kliman chooses as her heir." Whatever she saw in the angel's face drew her further along. "Not the answer you expected."

"I thought Kliman would punish him. Or kill him. It's what I've always seen happen."

Lilah pressed her lips into a thin line. "Not unheard of," she admitted. "But stupid. If she did that she'd have to replace him. Rhode Island's not exactly a hotbed of crime and supernatural activity but you still want someone in place who knows the land, the locals. You want someone they'll speak to, and around here that's hard to get. Andrew's been with them for nearly two hundred years, you can't buy the kind of rapport he's got."

"So he gets away with whatever?"

"No, not whatever. Gevaun's had to bring him to task a couple of times. So did I, once. But that was on his first century working for Kliman, right after he'd left his original angel. We showed him the lines and he's never stepped past them since."

Dinner was a loud, chaotic affair, swirling all around Alyss without actually touching him. Kliman liked a full table and that meant many of the staff sat to dinner with her, both humans and vampires. She was the first angel the accountant had met that didn't keep other angels on her immediate staff. She also used dinner to inquire into any matters that might require her attention.

Meanwhile, Alyss had been struck by the fact Jean's chest had been sprinkled with a spattering of fine black hair that disappeared over his stomach and reappeared along his navel, to meander off under the hem of his pants for parts both known and unknown. He hadn't noticed at the time, too busy panicking over his wing, but the image had come into his mind, potent and vivid, while he'd been trying to make short work of a baked sweet potato.

"Alyss?"

He dropped his fork and jumped in his chair. The sound was terribly loud in the unexpected silence that had settled over the table. Gevaun was looking at him consideringly, and Kliman looked faintly amused. "You were a thousand miles away, young man."

"I'm sorry, ma'am." Alyss could feel traitorous red creeping over his ears. Always his ears!

"Surely your inquiries into Rhode Island aren't so worrisome?"

"No, no, they're matching up with what Gevaun already had."

"And you've had no other other problems?"

Alyss assured the older angel he was fine, his work was fine, everything was fine; he scarfed down his dinner and trotted after the Second when everyone at last rose from the table. "Gevaun, a word?"

"Of course." The vampire turned to face him.

"Does Kliman welcome all of the house staff to the table?"

"No, not all at the same time," Gevaun admitted readily. "You need a few people still doing work, so they take turns. Were you looking for someone in particular?" The vampire's tone invited Alyss to reveal any issue he might have.

"No! Well, yes, but no. I mean." Alyss sighed, then explained. "I met a man in the woods. He was chopping wood."

"Oh, you're the bird Jean found," Gevaun grinned, "tangled up in the brier."

The angel went red all over again. "Yes, well, grace and accounting don't do a lot of work together. I was just wondering why I haven't seen him at the table."

"Jean's not staff. He's a guest and he's currently..." Alyss saw a guarded, unknown expression flicker over the vampire's powerful features. "Recovering."

"Oh, is he alright? I didn't mean -"

"It's not you, Alyss." Gevaun put a hand up to stop the young angel's runaway words. "He's fine. He just mentioned you to me because he's not used to seeing angels here, no one other than Kliman, and occasionally Evie and Rook. He was making sure someone isn't spying on us."

"Oh, I'd make a terrible spy," Alyss blurted out.

"That was the general consensus, yes," Gevaun teased him, and after that the angel couldn't flee back to his office fast enough.

5

Alyss cleared Rhode Island in four days, the work going faster after a van rolled down the neat driveway to deliver hard-copy records from its vampire overseer. Andrew Simmons apparently knew he had nothing to hide that those above him didn't know already. All the paperwork went back to its owner on the late morning of the fourth day, escorted by Lilah, and Alyss was left feeling out of sorts, as ever he did when he finished a job. Granted that it only meant he had to move onto the next state, but still.

The day was blustery, a fine mist occasionally sweeping over the grounds, playing at being rain but not quite managing. Wary of the woods, Alyss still put on a wing-fitted rain cloak and meandered carefully down a broad, light-lined path, basking in the silence and the weather. He kept his wings held high and tight until he came to the edge of the marshes, where a wooden boardwalk rambled off, and then he walked through a world of sere browns and grays, occasionally splotched with the bright white or rich slate blue of a hunting heron. He came back to the woods on the far side of the crescent-shaped pond.

He heard the engine long before he saw the vehicle, the little ATV pulling on the wagon he'd seen once before, this time carrying a pile of things he couldn't piece together. Jean was driving, wearing faded jeans, muddy work boots and a heavy lined jacket zipped shut over a dark turtleneck. Alyss felt cheated to find the vampire so thoroughly covered up, and then flailed inwardly at the unexpected feeling. "Hello."

Jean brought the ATV to a stop and stared evenly at the angel. The heavy moisture in the air made the amber-colored wings gleam as if every feather were a jewel. The bird looked snug, cozy and uncertain. Uncertainty was not something the vampire had ever seen in an angel before. "'s raining," he pointed out, and could have kicked himself at the absolute inanity of the words.

"It's not terrible," Alyss replied. "I think it's nice. It's just water, it dries off."

"Can you fly in this weather?"

Alyss shook his head. "No. My wings are too heavy already," he replied, still and somehow utterly innocent of the danger in his words.

Jean didn't know what to say. He was, to some degree, unsure he should say anything. He hadn't roused the angel's temper, yet, but it had to be there somewhere, hidden, waiting in ambush. Still, time and again Alyss reacted to the vampire and to the world as if he expected nothing but the best from it, from him.

It was disconcerting in the extreme.

"You want a ride?"

"To the house?"

Something in Alyss' tone told Jean the angel wasn't ready for four walls and a roof just yet. "I was gonna drive the paths, see if they need fixing," he admitted, and then took what courage he could scrounge out of his heart to add, "You can come if you want."

Alyss hesitated, then slipped onto the seat next to the vampire, lifting his wings and then resting them carelessly on the contents of the wagon, picking up mud and dirt and bits of crushed vegetation at once. Jean brushed his dark hair back so it wouldn't drip in his eyes and tried to focus on the road, on his self-appointed duty.

He couldn't. Next to him the angel smelled of books, that faint, forbidden scent of paper and ink, of leather bindings, of ancient libraries. Some unknown part inside the vampire was tightening up as if he were starving at that smell. So instead he drove, watching the paths for signs of damage, trying hard to focus on something else, anything else.

They traveled in awkward silence until the ATV went over an elegant little stone bridge a little too fast, and jarred back onto the path on the other side. Before an apology could burst out of Jean, Alyss, clinging white-knuckled to the ATV's dash, laughed in delight.

The vampire found a smile tugging at his mouth at the surprised, cheerful sound. "You don't get out much."

"No, not unless I'm traveling between jobs."

"Don't you got a home, a roost?"

"No," Alyss said easily. "I travel too much. Everything I own comes with me when I do." He cleared his throat. "Gevaun said you're recovering. I'm not imposing, am I?"

For a long moment Jean digested those words. Not a question as to what he might be recovering from, not an inquiry into why he might need recovery. Just simple, plain, honest concern.

In Jean's world angels were never so kind. When he'd left that world behind he'd found nothing better until he'd ended up at Evelie's doorstep. She'd been the first to be kind. Kliman had been the second. He'd been willing to believe them both flukes, the one born from the other. With Alyss he was having to revise some foundation tenets of his life and he didn't know what to do about it. "You're not," he said at last. "It's not that kind of recovering."

"Ah."

"Do you like being an accountant?"

"Yes!" Alyss declared enthusiastically, launching into a delighted explanation of his calling. He ran on, uninterrupted, until he realized they were parked next to a tiny Greek-style theater stage, in the shade of a pergola covered in bare, gnarled vines. Jean was staring at him with a bemused expression, head cocked slightly. "I'm droning. I'm ranting. I'm so sorry." Alyss ducked his head and hid his arms under his cloak.

"It's fine," Jean assured him. "Makes a liar out of you, though."

"What, no -!"

"Does when you love what you do, not just like it."

"Oh." Alyss deflated from his indignant self-defense. "I guess you're right." They stared at the woods in silence as a brief, thin bit of rain came and went. When it eased yet again to a heavy misting, the vampire got them going once more. "Is it alright to ask what you do?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Jean asked sharply.

Alyss shrugged. "Because you're a guest. And you're recovering. And it's not from a physical injury. And I'd... I'd like to know you're getting better. You seem the sort of person who deserves to get better."

Jean nearly drove them off the path in surprise. "I'm between jobs," he said at last, the technical truth.

"Well, then." They reached the back of the manor house, where it opened up into a broad patio, and Alyss made to stand up, forcing the vampire to come to a halt. The angel leapt awkwardly off the ATV and smiled at Jean. "I hope you get a very good job when you're ready for it." He rushed up the steps, his water-logged feathers dragging on the ground, paused at the door and waved at the vampire.

Still trying to process any part of that conversation at all, Jean automatically waved back; he stayed there staring at the door for a long time after the angel had gone inside.

[orphancookie69]

Nintendo Switch: DDLV Update 5!

So, if anyone is following from update 4, it was a somewhat busy update. On one hand, I was right about Venelope. On the other hand, I wish that update was sweeter. Oh, and don't get me started on dream snaps. But let's jump in.

Update 4: So, Venelope came in. More and more people are starting to run into the issue of "where am I going to put more people in the valley?". But I placed her in my "kids" like area. The other really big thing was Dream Snaps. You know, Snaps like camera. It is an in game photo competition. Weekly. Starting out they did not specify enough how to achieve the goal. They are catching on and getting better at that. Practice taking photos, play with animal companion poses, buy clothes and furniture, decorate specific rooms in your house and decorate outside.

Update 5: So, from the roadmap what can we expect? Visually Belle, and honestly...ITS ABOUT TIME. So she comes from a door in the castle, so save up the currency used to open the door. Star path of darkness comes into the valley in time for Halloween.

Before the Update: I feel bad I did not think to include this teaser image into the post before. But I am now. And moving forward. So, let's talk about what we see. BELLE AND BEAST. Don't mind, I am just already imagining the photos I will take with Beast. But let's work left to right. Left, you have Mother Gothel by some Nightmare Before Christmas items. This could be a new realm, star path items, or characters. Middle, the player is holding a book-there has been talk of a new tool. Right, you have what I think is the house that Belle and Beast share. I plan to put it in the forest by my second home. There is something else to notice, a parrot in the corner. There was an idea that the pirate island that gets activated at the end of the game would come back into play with the parrot. Or a companion you can earn. Someone in my Facebook group thinks the update comes 9/15 based on when the moonstone store refreshes.

The Update: It came earlier than expected. So, this is your only spoiler alert. First, check your dream snaps results, goodies, and submit your next dream snap. Item shop: love the new stuff, I am so tempted to spend real money to get the house and the dog. Star Path: YAASS. Villians are my jam, so psyched! But it gets even better, how I know, Ursula's transformation bundle! I loved Walles, and I can't wait to do Ursula's. Now, for valley newbies-we have Beast and Belle! Go to your castle to start your adventure with them. It seems you have quests from The Forgotten settle into the valley at last!

Update 6: So, last column let's break this down a bit. "A new chapter begins late 2023". Based on the image, and the end of the main story-I would guess it is based around Jafar and Aladdin. "New Characters", some people are paying attention to the voice actor list but honestly I am not sure who else is coming in. Hopefully some pairing characters like Eva for Walle. "New frontiers" this was teased at the end of the main story. "Multiplayer", I wonder if they mean Dream Snaps to be the multiplayer? "New Royal Tool", I wonder if the book in the next update is not the tool-but what is the book used for? Some people say it's going to function as a traveling tool, like in the live action movie.

While I do love this game, this game has borrowed so much from other games, I wonder if they don't get in trouble from borrowing too much more? What do you guys think of this update? Who is ready to see this game be free access to play sooner than later? Stay tuned for the next update, the game turns 1 year old!

[zwiebelii]

uhhh tw animal sickness, bc my cat isn't doing well right now, and tw for general me not getting along with my parents, especially my mom

My cat is currently sick, he was basically vomiting out all the kibble right after eating it, for 4 days. He's sort of fine now, we bought more expensive food which is specifically for cats who have stomach problems, and he can eat that. He also poops normally now (he didn't poop for a while because, well, he puked everything right up), and generally he seems fine, but today at 6 am my mom and I woke up because he was coughing and choking, and trying to vomit, even though nothing came out. So the timeline is, he was vomiting for 4 days, now he had 3 days where he was sort of alright, and now this, and yeah - I'm worried. Especially since my parents have never really cared about his health that much, and he is morbidly obese, because whenever he started meowing because he was bored and wanted to play, they would just feed him to make him shut up. He's now 15 years old, and generally it would be good to take him to a vet to just see if he's alright.

Also, my best friend works as an assistant to a vet, and I've been texting with her about all this, and she also stressed that it is time for him to visit a vet for once, no matter how much it costs. Plus he is still alright mood-wise, he still plays a lot, he is very curious, and just not at the point of seniority like my parents like to pretend he is. He won't die from a visit to the vet, ffs

Now all of this has been making me worry, and I've spoken up more about how my parents are overfeeding him, or that the sausage they like to feed him is unhealthy, etc. etc., and this has led to a fight, and it's just once again made me realise just how miserable i am here

In 38 days I can finally move out for real. Until the end of february, it's just a temporary accommodation, and I have to look for a flat for the time after that, but jesus christ. I am SO glad that I will be gone from here for real. My parents' behavior is not normal, specifically my mom's behavior. She's constantly controlling everyone, everyone needs to do as she says especially me because, well. haha, sexism and internalised misogyny, am i right boys 😎.

i am currently writing my thesis, and i have to stay home to do that. she gets pissed at me for staying at home. for a while i would go to the library to write - she would get pissed because i could easily work from home, why are you away all the time? is it because you hate us? you want to avoid us? you ungrateful bitch of a daughter, you're just trying to avoid cleaning, yadda yadda yadda

if i cook something, i get criticized for my choice of food, for using too much of the ingredients, for cooking too slowly. if i don't cook, i get called a freeloader.

it doesn't matter what i do, it's always bad in my mom's eyes, and i am always the worst and dumbest and most stupid daughter anyone could have. if i mention the tiniest criticism of something, i am "just like my dad's shitty family", i get called a "jew who never stops complaining" (yeah the antisemitism is still going, babes 😎), meanwhile she starts screaming out of nowhere, never pays attention to something like her facial expression (which is fine! i dont think everyone should be hypervigilant about what their face looks like. but she tells me to fix my face at nearly every occasion), and she's just all around rude to everyone here

my whole life she's been telling me that i am a rude, gross person, that i'm controlling, that i snap way to quickly, and you know what! i'm not! i have enough people in my life now that i know that that is not me! she is, in fact, projecting her own issues at me. and that sorta brings me to the last point-

there's hope. only 38 more days of this hell. i won't have to deal with them daily, i won't be confined to my room anymore, i'll be able to cook whenever i want, to leave the house whenever i want, to freely pick and choose what i want to do with my life, without this constant cloud of criticism for, quite frankly, RIDICULOUS things looming over me. technically, after 34 days, i have to submit my thesis, and after that, i do not need to stay at home. i can just fuck around all over town, and then, on December 1st, full move out.

maybe i should try doing a countdown to that? i would post it on my other blog (@zwiebel-studies). that might motivate me to get my shit together and get more organized, and provide me with a sort of.... "guiding start".

[sextoymall]

It happened on Christmas break. Marisa and I had decided to stay on campus rather than travel back home. Marisa and I had been dating for two years and while at first the sex was off the hook freaky it had settled down into to a very routine and almost mechanical sort of thing. We both still treasured our relationship so neither one of us ever said anything to the other about how our sex life had devolved into the same old same old.

I live in a frat house with a roommate Dave. He, myself, and my girlfriend were all juniors. We partied together and had a good time with each other on a regular basis. I never noticed any attraction between the two of them so I never worried. Since class was out of session during Christmas break we didn’t have anything to do. Most of our friends were off campus and home with their families. We finally found a group of folks that stayed behind. There were just 15 of us, but we decided to live it up and we all got really drunk at an off campus apartment.

My girlfriend and I decided to head back to the frat house as the evening was winding down, and we wanted to knock boots. We got back to my room and began to have sex. She sucked my cock until I came into her mouth. I ate her pussy until she came and then we fucked until I came. I don’t know if she came from the fucking or not. In other words we did the same old same old and afterwards we both fell asleep.

My roommate, Dave, is on the football team and we are best friends. He is a big guy and a very bulky he has the typical build of a football player that plays on the defensive line. I am more of a basketball player type so I am in shape and tall, but not as bulky.

As we are sleeping my roommate comes in. I wake up, but my girlfriend does not. He is drunk and I am still a little buzzed. He puts his stuff down and heads out of the room to party some more or so I thought. My girlfriend wasn’t awake or so I thought, but five minutes later she gets up and tells me she has to go the bathroom, so I roll over and try to fall back asleep.

I hear the shower running and voices coming from the bathroom which is just behind the paper thin wall my bed is up against. It is my girlfriend and my roommate. I am still buzzed and don’t get up or move I just listen.

She said, “he is passed out, now take off your pants so I can suck that huge cock of yours.”

I freeze, I can’t breathe, but I am rock hard again all of the sudden.

I hear her gagging from having his dick in her throat, it sounds like she’s struggling. A smack that must be him slapping her ass. After what seemed like an eternity I begin to hear her moaning.

She screams out, “oh fuck, I’m so wet. Fuck my pussy.”

She had always talked dirty to me, but this was a slutiest I had ever hear her. It sounded as if they were right against the wall 6 inches from me. He kept pounding away and her screams got louder and louder.

Then I heard her say, “fuck my ass. I know you do anal with other girls.”

It was true, my roommate was into anal he had told me and Marisa many times, but my girlfriend was not in to it or at least that was what she had always told me when the subject came up. I almost came right then. She was moaning and half way crying as my roommate stuck his huge cock up her ass.

He kept fucking her harder and harder in the ass. She was moaning very loudly now and I wondered how many of my frat brothers and their girlfriends could hear.

After 10 minutes had passed she said, “cum in my pussy, I’m going to squirt all over your huge cock.”

She was a squirter as she squirted often when we had sex. Her screams began to rise in pitch and volume so I knew she was close. She screamed, “do it! Cum in my pussy!”

He replied, “oh fuck you dirty whore here it comes.”

With that I heard her moan the loudest moan yet and heard him grunt. I knew what had happened.

Then I heard the bathroom door open and I quickly closed my eyes. Now my bedroom door opened and a figure stood next to me in the dark.

She climbed on top of me and shook me awake. Then she immediately sat her pussy on my face, turned around and began sucking my cock.

She said in between strokes, “thank god you are hard because I am so horny.”

I could taste my roommates fresh cum dripping from her pussy, but she never said a word. We fucked twice after that and on the second time my roommate walked in on us with a smile on his face.

Neither of them have ever said anything about it happening to me and I never asked. It is year later and we are all Seniors now and as far as I know they never hooked up again.

[libidomechanica]

But day doth dissolving

A cinquain sequence

               1

But day doth dissolving into your large blows, and some time, if ever to remove: o no!

               2

His maxims, which insphere the spur inspir’d and water their white yowes. The sun, that doth thee!

               3

By cold stuff, live chattels, mincers of earliest birds; nor rising sun on this forest thief!

               4

Had labour. All that I loue not wrong and learned troupe. Yet so different voice? The cause of both.

               5

Of roses as she laugh and here I but all are laid on each side bowed on her bosom heave.

               6

Like to make the Ithacensian suitors in old tale. It comes a cloud: for among the land.

               7

We seven that night and died; and mixt with men. Lava river go all in a bliss to die.

               8

I think of you! The fiery splintered in, there the fisherman’s boy, Kill him no cure me.

               9

Hear the immortal in a forbidden or formalities are only pegs; and, saying.

               10

Woodland great ends: ourselves as hands and water shall not far away; I hate’ to me you found?

               11

Had come— so sure I? It gave brighter days hence, or Fate uncertain gloom, and serenades.

               12

You are young. The faces there grey seniors question of ours! Who, who admire, would understand.

               13

Rich they brought a bedde of each dwelling youth, a witless minutes of the wind! Our animals.

               14

Stared with face across the children slow suns. The First Intellectual eunuch Castlereagh?

               15

I snap the drill but from me was John. To Sorrow, called love, calling down into human kiss!

               16

Their doom, that time I tied this. Own dear, turns out the Russian storax from the abuse of wrong.

               17

—Then hey, for a taper, bowed my heaven seem best? The lists were dead, forgot much, Cynara!

               18

Cupid in shamefull coupe. White as stone. At cold he picked the place, a body of body.

               19

Of gold, and wine: or for bridal-gift a scourge of it. For these are the early morning meal?

               20

And yet, like slang. While the fix’d foot, makes me end where smouldered peace she cries, Forsooth, let go!

               21

Therefore the sharpe showres. Taking Schmacksmith, ’ a village of Absál set it awhile, thou art.

               22

The king locked at noon texting forth abroad in the rest, our houses, light, from dirt, out of rules.

               23

That since, and I grow cold. That lute and plain and is never will say what comes into itself.

               24

Into Bagdad came a postscript and every coppice- feathered like a blow! Scowl on, ye fates!

               25

I bless you turned,—and so he within us. Nobody wears even to eternity.

               26

Be thy love. Fleet I was cursing hour’s supporting now. So he inwardly, and heaven’s will.

               27

These ladies’ eyes and taught it was; and there in the sails? I am food on the things aspire.

               28

Having through the eagles. By such a meek surrender; your bowled an answer to other end.

               29

A caring the blind mans marke, weening its worthiest till he wasn’t true. Der music we know.

               30

Sing terms, but the teeth and though compasse weightye prise, and the height. And making little more than war.

               31

Then Gama turned away.— Me—the present poem— of—I know too well I claim from right out.

               32

In this very talents of his body? Said he, and make us all were invaded, sdeath!

               33

But she’s mine! Spring doth remove the passion puls’d its watery disk caught up into love.

               34

And kiss, I woke it was beheaded. All mine Oten reedes beneath the small ill or no.

               35

Still forget all is stifled. Up the woman as short in your heart. The place, a body sways.

               36

Doth loath a lowly dying abroad. They lost they so formed be, according to Jove aloud.

               37

Him in that will or no. Marriage-tomb, the sound of beauty and ten women with bloosming Buds.

               38

And Southern morn. Alone, in clubs, of all dreaming evil, I have now to paint out ioy, thought!

               39

So that sweeps through the air. To hint at least not tame the cherye was a most fitt ne brest of that?

               40

Sharp like trees, a little birds, how calm and watch, would mounts The Throne. Had he left your own child-bed.

               41

It is not stir his eyes to waste, where the fierceness. Presumptuous though cast together.

               42

And my room where ever fell his foolish maid! ’Er the greenery which there foreign churches.

               43

And used to and friend that often did rest his heart. Beyond thin are very scorn of our sport!

               44

Your second skin. ’ Said Ida; let us kiss upon his Lips, The Sage behold Apollo!

               45

That on the sun hotter than you’d breaks white should he adore a sultan? Now Mars, nostrils blood.

               46

Which i have laid my hair were severe chilled albatross’s white echo of clamorings and fear!

               47

What were drowned with the breach. To the vitriol madness floods, unfettered word their unsuccess.

               48

In case mercy come, with all health confide. Sooner or later I the sward was turned away.

               49

With implacable sweet thing wind, when thus man-girdled her too, ’ said Ida; home! Whose bugle?

               50

Call country ants to have my body sways. Watch out for feare of those prophecies, o Sorrow!

               51

’En out. Each with loyal obeysaunce, heaping vp waues of hys foe. Say that awoke the earth.

               52

Should do much hold, nor bent, as with children! Some act of loving an inspired, snail- paced lives.

               53

Ah, woe is me! A waterman came to slope, and sucking up to bless you turned her alone!

               54

And gives th’ executor to be. Now Ben had sailed a score of names of fashionable.

               55

Shine here those. A woman but a shame that is pleasant valley of my life had fled away!

               56

Shall I say?—Again repeated, as he slumber. With tilt and thought I could not dare look, quite.

               57

Said he, Let others glory. I will forget your bloodshot eyes, the cradle of thy death crown!

               58

And if we love often tried Valkyrian hymns, or infection. Lady, for a day, oppress’d?

               59

Will drink potions of the faint flush her but I? And when we combat for ane an’ twenty, Tam!

               60

No stream came of love had breath. Fixed the turf outsprang direction, as roll the full-crown’d in cream?

               61

Think thy thoughts, sold cheap what is gone not that music in a forbidding thy native hell. Of.

               62

How shall be a hymning up the towsing and kiss, I dare not for mine. The loss: the patron.

               63

Sooner or later in the first who bore it like a nurse. And my grief; though so vast my life!

               64

Or curious wits, seeing it, and man’s names, pulling the animals. ’What need to strike him.

               65

Of yesterday, the sink. ’ That one would be parting from Heavens, and to toy with holiday.

               66

Then I ’d follow him! Particulate; where no great pass: I think, soft and friends for the shoes.

               67

Her playmates of Hell shall at once again—again after the sea. Do not love is it not.

               68

Turn my fashion’d all the slant in one sees her hidden fawn. Summer long; and heave tumult fell.

               69

Not he: his hopes undone. Of the dark land, well continent, Adam, from you begin your curls.

               70

Nelly Gray! The crunch of icy grass underground thereof, that weld the truth by. Pen, for one?

               71

—Say what could not well be life and clear; and when Old Love put forth his life. I bring ye love: quest.

               72

Come they hunt with Time begins among the state perplexing! For six hours and bring ye love: quest.

               73

Let’s content vs in thee, as that somewhere! Where didst thou mayst return in happy youth—Love!

               74

No great Augustus long have I said, I have been her kind. His plump white farmhouse understand!

               75

That ’s understand. How shall she have the unbroken state, straight and day, when there are the house.

               76

Stole that dealt with you, was all. Who had small lights of winter when well deserve of Phoebus’ lips?

               77

With fair guests, if so you ready, o mount and made the Meaning in the pavement lay carved stars.

               78

Already with prudes for all this way: don Juan, who were slick-faced. Come hither, lady fair.

               79

After his packe, all gather’d horses, thou sit amid our regions are at all! You are free!

               80

Joy … the lost lamb at her! When thou hast stay’d still we hear a trumpets from the father’s apron.

               81

Ending against the temple be destructing, dear man, I think it soon was of fond foolerie.

               82

Of cold and him: but let the lists were ready. Like hawks round there I unswear, that dead weight tress.

               83

—First of all. Lo, the valley, no, not that the tenor of the gentle clouds do blot the seer.

               84

Follow, that sparkling sounds that I knew, I knew. Old passion rooted from high to kill ye.

               85

Gude news I’ve to this, I might call me call; and complain. And like ravellers journey is done.

               86

Call country or its station: but they meant; for spite of doom. My mother’s, and your sweet saying.

               87

Now Ben he was there we our slender prise. Till flesh and his goddesses of the tubes and tide.

               88

A heat, but honeying with dumbe eloquence. I stood and sallying terms, but missed: we seem a nest.

               89

But lo! At that whereon follower of their sad fate proposed by the clouds do blot the heart!

[televinita]

How many library items do I even have out? Let's find out together!

Books ready to return: 2

Books I need to review before returning: 3 (Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands; Carrie Soto Is Back; The Lily of Ludgate Hill)

CDs: 1 (1989 Taylor's Version. I'm not ready to hear it yet. but I would like the option to do so without Spotify ads. or streams tbh)

Aaand that makes 13 items left, very good. In absolutely no order because I'm just trying to make sure I know where they all are...

1. Cheap Old Houses - Elizabeth Finkelstein: a beautiful coffee table book, apparently based off an Instagram that I (per usual) have never heard of; I am almost done but have been simply luxuriating in the photos. Currently gazing at it on BookOutlet like "$15 is reasonable for a brand new copy of such a large and 5-star book I definitely have space for actually."

2. Another Good Dog: One Family & 50 Foster Dogs - Cara Sue Achterberg: I got about 60 pages in and am loving it, but it was SO GREAT! that I had to pause and put more middling books in front of it to process; been trying to get back for 2+ weeks. That said, when I finish it...

3. One Hundred Dogs & Counting - Cara Sue Achterberg: ...when I finish the above it'll be on to the next one! (maybe? or maybe I'll want to save this 2nd shot of joy for the future)

4. The Break-Up Tour - Emily Wibberley and Austin S.B.: this has taken WAY too much time and effort to get my damn hands on. And then I didn't even read it fast! I started and then got distracted, and only yesterday managed to get up to the halfway mark. At least the request list has cooled off so I will be able to renew it.

5. The Haunting - Natasha Preston: just stocking up some reliably good YA horror for when I really crave those in the summer. This is literally an I-love-cheap-thrills situation.

6. The Joy of Falling - Lindsay Harrel: a random impulse checkout because the cover was pretty and it's about 2 widowed sisters-in-law training for an ultra-marathon in New Zealand that their late husbands had been planning to do. Thought it might serve as exercise motivation.

7. Malibu Rising - Taylor Jenkins Reid: will this suck me in as fast as Carrie Soto did? I dunno, but this is the one I was originally more interested in, so let's see if this is the year we find out.

8. Heirloom Rooms: Soulful Stories of Home - Erin Napier: Speaking of coffee table books I was looking at on BookOutlet, this popped in the "you may also like wheel" and I saw the library had it instead. "a collection of essays walking us through every room in her home, telling the story of a family’s life, of the days that made their home the place she longs for when she’s away. We learn about when they became the new owners of Erin’s dream house from childhood in downtown Laurel, Mississippi, and explore the beautiful homes of family, friends, and projects past in photographs." YEAH!

9. The Wishing Game - Meg Shaffer: I forgot to re-freeze this hold so it came in at the WORST possible time. I've been waiting on this since January and refuse to be rushed or read it if the timing isn't Perfect, so instead I'm gonna be the jerk who keeps it 3 full weeks just in case I get to it; the waitlist remains at 50+ for 7 copies. My ace in the hole is that certain books are WAY less popular in the county next door, where we can dual-register, and they also have 7 copies but only 14 people waiting.

10. Homeward Bound: Why Women Are Embracing the New Domesticity: nonfiction from 2013 that I've been vaguely meaning to read someday. There's only 1 copy left in the system so I checked it out while I was at that branch, but 99% sure I will NOT be getting to it this round. 20 days til my renewals max out.

12. DVD: Northanger Abbey: the JJ Feild spiral I have been trying to find time for since March is clearly not happening right now because WOW Ryan Gosling spiral time instead. But I can't stop believing until my renewals run out, in 3 weeks.

13. DVD: Third Star: see above. somehow holding out more hope for this one, if only because Survivor has hella reactivated my Male Friendship radar, despite these being extremely different types of men. ...just noticed my renewals on this max out in 4 days, oops.

14. DVD: Ghosts (UK), season 3: I was on a hot watching streak and then I abruptly shifted gears to watch the U.S. version's third season instead (because I was too lazy to fight with our Blu-Ray player that throws a fit every time we tell it to play a DVD instead of its favorite format), and now I don't know how to get back in the groove. But I won't give up until they make me! (9 days from now when my renewals max out)

[lemonhoney777]

New Beginnings - March 2nd 2024

I am positioned for potential. I have moved into a new apartment all by myself, no roommates, conveniently located in the center of the city. My own art adorns the walls. My stuff is sprawled to my liking.

For the first time, I feel limitless. Like I can control my surroundings - my endeavors - like I can wash clothes whenever I'd like, or stay up late, or lay on the couch.

Today is Saturday. For context, this week I had a cold, so imagine my nose chapped from tissues and snot. I still feel 15% of the symptoms, but today was my Saturday, so I was driven to make the most of it.

I slept in, woke up at 10am. I put on blue biker shorts and a baggy shirt with a frog on the back of it. I ran errands and then came home and cleaned my apartment. I made an egg sandwich. I drank a big cup of coffee.

Last week I hung a big piece of raw canvas on my wall. To describe the size of this canvas > The size of a dog bed for a golden retriever. Or, I could easily lay on this canvas in a fetal position. Today was the day I started to paint it.

First I started with big magenta swirly lines, and then filled in the lines with green, blue, and orange. I didn't like the blue, so I waited for it to dry and then painted over it with purple.

Then I started working on some smaller pieces. I also walked around my apartment and touched up the paintings I had hung on my walls. Sometimes when you hang a painting, you start to see all the defects, and you just want to touch it up.

Then I went to the thrift store in search of some magazines or books that I could cut up and collage. I found an assortment of National Geographic magazines. As I was shopping, I got a call at 4pm from my mom who said she was at my house... I was expecting her to come by at 6pm, so I rushed back home.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw my mom dressed up cute in a floral skirt and a tank top. She had just attended an Orchid event (Where vendors display various orchids for sale), and she complained that the prices were outrageous so she left early. She is an avid orchid collector. I unlock my door and welcome her inside.

She drops off bags of stuff (that I didn't ask for). We sit on the couch and chit chat. She tells me about my personality as I was growing up, and my core traits.

good traits: Chatty, inquisitive, empathetic, discerning of trust, intelligent

negative traits: over-emotional, high expectations of others

We discuss my development, which diverts into a discussion of my parent's divorce when I was 14-16. Now, almost a decade later, i'm asking my mom why the divorce happened.

I will spare you the details, the past is in the past. You can predict why they got divorced - they were unhappy together, and it was meant to happen in God's timeline. Both of my parents are in new happy relationships. My dad has had a girlfriend for 6 years, and my mom is remarried.

Internally, this conversation resurfaced feelings of being a wounded child. I have inherited equal personality traits from my mother and father. I have my fathers anger and my mothers anxiety. I become a different version of myself when I am in the presence of either parent. I become more tailored to their traits, more appeasing.

At my college graduation I couldn't focus on my academic achievements. Moreso, I was just in awe that my parents were in the same room together, happy and chatting and reminiscing on old friends they use to share. Sometimes I wonder, when will be the next time I get to see them in the same room? My wedding?

I miss my nuclear family. I know people are complicated, and we're all adults, I just miss being under the same room as my mom, dad, and brother. When you're a child, you don't realize that one day your family will scatter across a map, hundreds of miles away, only to be seen on PTO long weekends or your graduation.

But at least I can still call them and chat with them. And they're happily in new relationships. I would not have wanted them to be unhappy together. But I just wish we could get together once a year to get dinner and chat. Or at least, I wish they didn't trash-talk each other to me. I wish I could be my full self around both of my parents, instead of hiding parts of me that resemble the other parent.

Regardless. Later that night I opened Tumblr, hoping to create a daily blog, which I will use to document my life by practicing my writing. I accidentally logged into the tumblr blog I ran when I was 12 years old - 16 years old. I skimmed through my old blog, and found a long post about my struggles to understand the divorce my parents were actively going through, and the guilt I felt as I moved back and forth between each parent's house. I felt empathy for my young self, it felt like I was reading her diary. Reading this post after 10 years, it hit me in the gut. It felt like divine timing to read this post, on the heels of my discussion with my mother.

What did this mean? Why is God prompting me to contemplate the heartache from divorce I felt 10 years ago? Why am I still so hurt, even though I have healed and I am happy for their new relationships, and I know the split was for the best?

I don't have the answer. All I did was log out of my old tumblr account, and create a new tumblr blog, and wrote this long post for the void. I am my mother's daughter, and my father's daughter, resembling both of them at the same time.

Things I did well today- Thrifting, cleaning, art, seeing family, eating, sobriety,

Things I could do better- Rest, relax, go with the flow, laundry

Thanks for reading!

[ventingbin]

Just to clarify, my family was never perfect, or good, it was… decent.

I don't remember ever having a celebration for my birthday, good grades, or my little accomplishments of the time, none of my sisters (8) or brothers (2) seemed to have them either.

Ever since I was little, I knew my mom wasn't to be disturbed if it was not important, since she had not only to take care of us & the house, but had to go around churches and other places to get us food, clothes and stuff, since my father was an alcoholic who did not care less about how we lived.

He wasn't present much, at least not sober, and while he wasn't the physical abusive kind, he sure was manipulative, over jealous and toxic, going to the point of not letting my mom go out with friends, talk to people he didn't knew, and even got her pregnant once every three years (when the last baby was already big enough) since she was 15 to prevent her from just get up and run.

They fought a lot. My mom would scream, cry, throw stuff at him, and he would just be like "why are you yelling at me? I didn't nothing wrong, you're so emotional" and say sorry with the most infuriating smile I've ever seen.

Well, one day, my mom had enough, I think around the time the 9 kid was born, and just kicked him out and say it was over. He got up, took his tuff and leave, going to a rancho (house made out of iron planks, almost inhabitable)in a relative's back yard.

She would take us there every Sunday so we could still see him, cause she was that good of a person, and idk what she think we felt (maybe thought we missed him? But we're only happy to visit him cause he'll give us nice food) and after a bit of acting miserable and promising he'll change, my mom let him back in our house.

He did, in fact, not change. At least not immediately. Took years and years of fights and my mom's mental health before he gave up beer, started helping around the house, actually caring about us, even taking us to the hospital when we where sick (he didn't do that unless we we're dying or throwing our intestines out. And our healthcare is free) and got us a nice house that my mom chose.

And everything went downhill again in my younger sister 15th birthday.

They invited my older sisters and their families, and also that one relative who helped my dad. She came with his children and the party started, everything normal until, almost at the end, my dad decided to be an imbecile and started dancing with her (those songs you have to move your ass against other person, or be very close together) Infront of my mom and the whole family.

She keeps calm till the end of the party, when she start fighting him for it and his drunk ass tried to defend himself. None of the two wrent to sleep till 6 am, just arguing. But things settled over time and my mom seemed to have forgotten about it.

Then mothers day came around.

Again, they throw a party, families and that fucking whore i have to call relative came, with all her children this time. And then, when everybody was already drunk, my father and her decided my mom hadn't had enough stress for his lifetime and start getting really close. Huge fight, my mom's in thears, i could hear her voice even when I was in my room.

She tries to leave with us (the 6 children that remain in the house) the next day, with the eyes red from tears and huge eyebags under her eyes. My dad, getting again into his old habit of not recognizing when he fucked up, tried to downplay everything and convince her to stop and just forget it.

Then, the older of the sisters, the one she birthed at 15, came to try reasoning with her. She gave her a whole rant about "all men think with their dicks and will cheat no matter what, my husband is just like him, but you just have to accept it, don't ever let him interact with any of your female friends again, don't talk to him about them, and maintain a double life so he doesn't cheat on you. I did it! It's easy! " like that's normal relationship advice.

Anyways, realizing that none of her siblings would let her stay at their house with the six of us, and knowing she hadn't nowhere to run, she has to accept it and swallow the rage.

Two days ago, when I was coming home from school, I see the children of that relative all scattered around the house. I go to my mom.

" child services got em here" she says " their mom would have a trial soon, and they likely end up in an adoptive home, they (child services) ordered that we, as their only family with a house, take care of them till then"

And I'm like, alright. I saw this coming. She went clubbing even after one of his children had to get hospitalized for an accident, she was obviously not a good mom. I was ready to, uncomfortably, wait till they had to go without saying nothin.

But then, this motherfucker whore came in, sat at our table like she has done nothing, and gets a plate of food. She didn't cooperate with money, she didn't even brings forks, acting like we had to take care of her like the other children's.

AND. MY. MOM. LET. HER.

I was rabid inside. I wanted to fucking smash the plate on his face and cut her throath with the shards. How dare she?!? Why was nobody doing anything, acting like she was a friend of us?!?!?

I'm so fucking territorial, i couldn't even tolerate my sisters boyfriends eating with us, even if they were nice people. I feel so weird having strangers at my house, that is supposed to be my safe space from the world. Eating, going to the bathroom, doing laundry, i can't do nothing if there's people staying over. I just stay in my room all day, feeling paranoid.

When it's someone i hate, like this bitch, it's even worse.

She stays for the night, sleeps in the bed sofa, right next to my room (that didn't even have a door so I had to know she was there, for the whole night)

I was about to go crazy. I cried to sleep that night, and wasn't until four am, without tears left, that I could hypnotize myself to sleep.

I got up the next day, today, and she's gone. I thought "oh, maybe she realized how fucking inadequate was to beg for a place to sleep exactly to us, huh?" But no. At nighttime, about to get dinner, she shows up and claims a plate of food, like before.

And I'm fucking pissed, enraged, with the blood boiling and also wanting to cry, cause i hate her so much. Almost as much as I hate my dad. And I want to kill her, kill me or just stop existing, cause she just ruined the already weak and barely standing family I had. I just want that whore to die already.

[dearestm0th3r]

When the moon became an eye

The night when the moon became an eye I'd say everything changed. The earth went to sleep, but when he woke up.. his mother was gone, replaced by a giant eye that had a cold, eerie stare.

October 23rd, 2028

My bed was cozy on a cool spring morning, I didn’t wanna get up but I remembered that I had a couple of chores to do before I headed to school. I wanted to get a head start on today so I wouldn’t have to stress my house-bound mother out. She’d been bound since I had graduated from middle school; that’s when dad just left because he didn’t want to “deal with her disabilities”. I’ve been taking care of her and myself ever since. It was 5:44 AM the time that I peeked out the curtains and realized there was no moonlight outside, on a supermoon night. I didn’t think much of it so I continued with my morning routine, same old thing. After I was done with the dishes, at 6:15 AM I walked over to my mother's room to give her medicine. Walking into her room, she abruptly awoke, “I hope I didn’t scare you ‘ma..” I said feeling a bit bad as she’s such an old woman; my mother chuckled a bit, “Oh no dear, you’re just fine I was just dozing off waiting for you but then you came in and it just surprised little old me”. I nodded to her, “If you say so ‘ma..” I lifted her up by adding another pillow behind her and I gave her 2 pills and a glass of water. “I’ll be back to check on you before I leave, alright?” I stated, my mother nodded at me and smiled “Don’t go too hard on yourself.” I smiled at her and walked out of her room, closing the door behind me gently. I went to check the clock, at 6:23 AM. I gasped, realizing I had to be ready and out the door by 6:45. I hurriedly brushed my teeth, popped my pills in my mouth, and grabbed my backpack & car keys. “Bye ‘ma!” On my drive over, I let out a sigh of relief, my teachers would kill me if I was late another day, I thought to myself. I felt horrible for leaving my mom without checking on her like I promised, I’ll make her some cookies when I get home in order to make it up to her. Getting to the school gate at 6:50. Right on time. I checked in with the guard and pulled into my parking spot. I hurriedly put some mascara and blush on that I had grabbed on my way out of the house. I walked out of my car and into the school building, I walked up to the front office and scanned myself in; on the way over to my class I was thinking.. What should I make for dinner tonight? Maybe I can invite Elise and Lily over to help me bake dinner and those cookies for my mom. Elise and Lily have been my friends since elementary school, we all met in third grade and have been friends ever since, I still remember the time in middle school when Elise had beat up this one girl… all because she was flirting with Lily’s boyfriend. Elise is so protective, Lily couldn’t do anything herself because she really isn’t like that; poor Lily would’ve just sat back and done nothing if it weren’t for Elise. In all honesty I think Elise might secretly have a little crush on Lily. I got to my first-period class, Medical. I really don’t dislike the class, but my mom was the one who made me join it, just doing it to make her happy. I greeted Mrs. Leciz, “Morning Miss, how’s your morning?” Mrs. Leciz rolled her eyes at me, “Yes, yes Nayana you’re not gonna get away with that missed report you still haven’t turned in to me, other than that I’m having a usual morning.” I shyly backed away and sat down at my seat in the back, next to Vanessa. I don’t know much about Vanessa, but from what went around last year, she slept with her best friend's dad… pretty disgusting honestly, and might I add illegal? The dad got locked up and his daughter got in a catfight with Vanessa; she left a NASTY mark on Vanessa. She got her jaw broken, from what I heard it was a very brutal fight. It’s good to see her doing better now though; other than that incident, she was just a quiet person; still can’t believe she’d do that though. “Alright, seems like only half of you are here today so I’ll just let you make up the work you need to get done in other classes” Mrs. Leciz voiced, I rolled my eyes realizing I seriously had nothing else to do in any other classes. In all of the other classes, I have just been given literal coloring sheets.. -

1/3

[remembertheplunge]

Never forgot. Never forgave. Never get over.

,11/2/2009

4:48pm. Jim sleeps.

5:58pm  Jim’s appointment tomorrow for a blood test is at 9am. Get there 15 minutes early

I just for the first time in years taped off all of the phone messages.

That tape is like the soul.

What’s, is.

10:04pm. Watching a TV show about death. “I’m tired. I can’t take another life time. If the heart weighed less than a feather…red feather in the computer room doorway tonight.

Not much democracy once you have died.  Your body returns to the earth or to the fire.

“When I grow up, I want to be an old woman. Kaiser.

Centurium silver for your prostate.

Who would advertise on a show about death?

Plastination: meant to last 10,000 years.

Tuesday. 11/3/2009

Jim’s back. Elderlys overflowed the blood bank. So, he will try again tomorrow.

Jim drove, twice.

Fed the Weegan’s.

Now, he’s in his chair. Exhausted.

10:35am. Jim is so ill

5:16pm. Jim Eazes into our common evening twighlite.”

6:22pm Jim has stopped eating and walking pretty much. As we walked to vote he said “I need to walk, I am deteriorating."

 On the TV, 2009 Maine Question 1: should the Maine law legalizing same sex marriage be repealed?

Cleeve Jones is interviewed. He was a friend of Harvey Milk. “People don’t really know us. Gay people are 2nd class citizens."

Obama is silent as to Question 1

8:08pm. Jim goes to bed. Man, he is really slammed.

On the TV, vote to close to call on Question 1 in Maine. Governor of Maine John Baldacci said it’s 50% Yes 50% No.

11/3/2009. 8:58pm. Jim is on the edge of himself.

So, in a way now our lives fall apart and come together.

11/4/2009. 3:16 am Wednesday.

Early morning is interesting, cool. Dark. Quiet. Peace. Full.

11/5/2009.  10:19pm

Just back from the neighbors. Jim watch. Dan W. Called.

Man, BAD BAD!

Our house is wrecked up.

But, everybody 2day was strong.

10:35pm.  So, where do I sleep?

No calls (from the hospital) yet. 

I’m shocked.

Never forgot.

Never forgave.

Never get over.

End of this part of the entries from November 2-November 5, 2009.

Note:

My partner , Jim, was sinking into death from liver failure on November 2 through his actual death November 9, 2009. I was not aware, however, that he was dying.

In found him on the bedroom floor incoherent around 3am November 5, 2009. He was taken to the hospital. He never regained consciousness. He was returned home 2 days later where he died.

The voters in Maine voted to repeal the legalized gay marriage in Maine on November 4, 2009, another death of sorts. 

Jim’s descent into death and the Maine vote to repeal legalized gay marriage are now intertwined in my memory. Two major gay related tragedies happening at the same time.

Weegan’s was Jim’s nick name for his cats. We had another house about a mile from our house where the cats lived. We called it Hilton House. This would be Jim’s last time to visit Hilton House.

Jamie and Cameron were our neighbors.

Dan W. Was my brother.

Our house was wrecked up I guess from the fireman and ambulance crew that came to transport Jim 11/5/2009.  

I can’t remember why a red feather represented death to me. But it did. So, to find a ten inch  red feather in the computer room doorway just days before Jim died was, in retrospect, a powerful symbol.