#at least what i personally feel is meaningful
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notenoughdragons · 3 days ago
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so… with the. let's call it hindsight, sure, of having played veilguard………
marching into the deep roads to kill the remaining archdemons would have been a good plan, actually. like, i personally think the whole 'uhhhh yeah killing the archdemons killed or at least nerfed the evanuris they're connected to, to a degree where they're basically not a problem anymore' is a weakass copout to get out of actually Dealing with them in any meaningful way
but! ~~~canonically~~~, killing razikale and whatever elgar'nan's lizard is called, WOULD have diminished him and ghilan'nain to the point they couldn't cause any more problems. would it have fixed the blight as a whole? nope! but getting rid of the archdemons who rally darkspawn sure would've been an improvement!
………and it would also have brought the veil down. apparently. bc they decided to make it so that the life force of the evanuris themselves sustains it. which—look, okay, i'm not gonna get into it. let's just say it's a weirdass decision that feels Designed to get to the specific set-up of veilguard's ending (solas being able to promise he's totally not gonna bring the veil down, bc rook&co killing elgar'nan will do it for him)
so, pretending for the moment this was all definitely already planned exactly like this when da:i was made… why is solas so against it? it's basically doing the work for him! get the veil down and deal with the evanuris in one fell swoop!
the only thing that's LEFT is. y'know. the blight. locked up in the same prison as the evanuris.
and based on how veilguard shakes out, i don't think solas (or the devs, for that matter) actually had a plan to deal with that
like, in trespasser, the blight doesn't even come up. what solas talks about is the evanuris, and how he "had a plan", so… now we're kinda forced to assume he Also had a plan of how to deal with the blight. but given how he acts in da:i, see (far) above, he clearly doesn't think there IS a way to deal with the blight!
even in the fucking ~redeem~ ending he's like, yeah i can't cure the blight but i can try to soothe it like. buddy. my dude. the prison in veilguard is A NEW THING, bc he had to fucking pivot after he lost the orb like, what could your plan Possibly have been before that???
and look okay i can't not talk about the fact that the games/devs clearly don't want to deal with the blight anymore. yes, i know the sixth blight is all over veilguard, i know you walk across blight pods for half of that game, i know they literally explain where it comes from and what it is, etc etc
(sidenote, i just. deeply dislike the responsibility musical chairs veilguard plays wrt solas. oh the veil cutting off the fade entirely wasn't intentional actually? oh The BlightTM is fully his and mythal's fault actually?? christ, he already Had a perfectly good tragic guilt complex.)
but at the end it just… kind of gets fixed? apparently? bc the veil's not leaky anymore??? neve or bellara can get fully blighted and it's just GONE at the end, you can just walk over blight pods for the entire game and you're Fine, there aren't gonna be anymore blights-the-event bc the archdemons are all dead, there have been MULTIPLE instances of ppl cleansing the blight (merrill with the eluvian, fiona getting de-tainted, SOLAS WITH THE LYRIUM DAGGER) but it NEVER gets explained how, or is attempted to be used elsewhere
it's just, oh, we can't cure the blight nevermind that the hof has been looking for that Since Origins but we also don't need to! don't even worry about it! we just armaggedon-ed half of thedas with it but it's fine!
sorry i don't have a conclusion here this just makes me Scream
I GUESS THE TITAN SOULS ARE JUST GONNA BE LOCKED UP AND IN PAIN FOREVER BUT IT'S FINE, WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT ANYMORE
Okay so I'm giving @corseque 's super-important audio of all Solas' comments about the Blight a second (or fifteenth, whatever) listen and taking notes as I go.
Solas doesn't think for a second that once the archdemons are gone the Blight will be gone. Which really makes sense because it's the Blight that makes them an archdemon, not the other way around. Supposedly, they're blighted when the darkspawn reach and corrupt them. But of course that begs the question of why it's only darkspawn (and uh, honorary darkspawn like the Wardens) that hear their call. Anyway, the way he says it, it sounds more like the archdemons are a limiting factor than a driving factor.
Varric: "What's so confusing about endless darkspawn?" Solas: "A great deal!" So yeah, whatever the plan was, he didn't foresee darkspawn as a consequence. So did he not foresee them existing at all, or not foresee them being free to cause problems? Worth noting that it's really clear both in general and in Descent that dwarves as a whole were a huge blind spot for him.
He is really really surprised that the Western Approach ever recovered from the Blight. Pretty clear he didn't think that was possible.
He thinks that everything the Wardens have done up til now is a deeply misguided effort that's served (mostly accidentally) as a delaying tactic. Gotta say, with the information we have at hand, this point pairs about as well with the last as a nice dry red with spicy pickles. If the Wardens shouldn't have done what they've done, but he didn't think recovery from the Blight was possible, I'd love to hear what he thought the alternative was.
Same dialogue as above, but when Solas talks about stopping the Blight and when Blackwall and Varric talk about it, one gets the distinct impression that they're talking at cross purposes, because Varric and Blackwall are talking about the experience of Blights, as in, periodic events, whereas I think Solas is talking about THE Blight, that is, its true nature, which is yet untouched.
He thinks Erimond is dumb as shit, which is fair and valid. "That's madness! For all we know, killing the Old Gods could make things even worse!" he says. Well, he knows a lot more than "we" know, but it's entirely possible that he doesn't for sure know this. Increasingly clear that he thinks it, though.
I'd forgotten just how pissed off he was about the Grey Warden plan to kill the Old Gods before they were corrupted. It really doesn't give "hey you're killing my relatives" energy. It really gives "wow that would fuck us all" vibes.
Of course, with a side of my remembering that Solas' besetting flaw was always thinking people should know better even though they don't have access to the knowledge he has. That flaw I WILL grant. He displays it repeatedly--you could even say the writers went out of their way to make the point.
"The Blight is the real problem"
"The fools who first unleashed the Blight on this world thought they were unlocking ultimate power." Anyway yeah those are the absolute core of everything here. The Blight is the real problem and the Blight was deliberate. Deliberately made or deliberately freed.
Even during the events of Inquisition, Solas obviously sees Corypheus as secondary to the Blight as a danger.
Cassandra suggests that the archdemons were really just dragons--"Pets to those who no longer exist", by which she probably means the Old Gods, not specifically the gods of Elvhen, just because of her cultural background. Solas finds this suggestion amusingly wrong--a quiet snort, and "I would not go so far as that."
Last notes: he doesn't sound like he thinks the Blight can be stopped, and he's adamant that it can't be controlled. Which is presumably why he broke the world in an attempt to contain it, assuming I'm right that that was the underlying reason for the Veil. That it didn't quite work the way he'd hoped is also pretty evident, though I wanna be clear that I assume he was working from a place of desperation, and that not knowing every possible outcome of an action is not a condemnation of having taken it.
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isa-ghost · 3 days ago
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Just finished the Patreon episode of Shut Up I'm Talking about Dream and. God, watching them both just be so speechless eventually... Man, same. Jack's right, I'm just perplexed. And disgusted. And tired.
I dunno man, I've said I wish I could have some kind of genuine chat with Tom before. He's gone through so much, lost so many mentors and friends, and put up with so much shit. He's so exhausted with all of it, and I don't blame him one bit. But as someone who's watched him since 2020 and seen how much he's grown and matured in so many ways, it sucks to see him so demoralized by everything even if it's totally understandable.
Forgive me for sounding so parasocial, but I just really wish I could tell him what it's been like to be a fly on the wall for going on 5 years now, and to give him some appreciation for persevering through all the bullshit and coming as far as he has. Because like. Hearing that stuff from your family and friends probably means more to you, sure, but you kinda expect the praise from them, y'know? But when a stranger you don't think twice about, if at all, tells you something so meaningful, it sticks with you more, at least I think. I know I have a bunch of personal anecdotes from high school like that myself. There's a word for this specific experience but I'm drawing a blank on what it is.
Idk, I think that's a long-winded and weird way of saying I just wish there was something Tom could hear that would breathe some joy back into things for him. Not just from me, but from literally anyone. Because it's one thing to be aware in the back of your mind that what you do has had and still has the impact it does, and helped so many people and has built like. Huge core memories for them and stuff. But it's another to be told that face to face, and to see it in a form that isn't just text from some rando on the internet. The former isn't better than the latter, but it still sticks with you harder and feels like a stronger reminder that it's all worth it. Like seeing the good you've done in tangible form just makes it more real, if that makes sense.
I wish all the bullshit yapping from garbage people like the ones Tom has had to put up didn't overshadow the astronomical amounts of good his involvement with YT has done for an unfathomable amount of people. I don't know how else to explain how it feels to bystand all this.
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yuseirra · 2 days ago
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So what was that whole idea about Kamiki's true nature?
Since I tend to like children quite a bit, there’s one point(out of many)in this manga that really bothers me. Around volume 14, there have been several mentions of Kamiki’s “true nature” and whatnot. For instance, in Aqua’s script, it’s mentioned that Ai broke up with him after realizing his true nature, and so on(it wasn't the case in reality).
But when I think about how the authors wrote this character, it doesn’t seem like he had an inherently bad nature. As the creators of the story and characters, they would know this better than anyone else. If anything, given his circumstances, he seems like someone with a remarkably good temperament. That’s why I couldn’t stop thinking about it when the manga was still ongoing—what exactly led to him being associated with such accusations? I was curious, it’s confusing. He was kind. And it doesn’t seem like he fits into the “kind people turning scary when they snap” category either, because even in those cases, there’s usually a limit to how far the outburst goes. It’s just really strange. How could someone like him lash out at Ai? He couldn’t even get angry in the first place. He missed the moments when he should’ve gotten angry, and even when he had reasons to, he didn’t. They built his character like that, I've been paying attention to how they did and I wouldn't be confused if things were different!
When I look at it, it doesn’t seem like the authors were trying to write him as fundamentally “evil.” If anything, they seemed to be portraying him as “empty,” and they might have been trying to explore that theme.
It’s true that the emptiness and lack of affection experienced by people who weren’t sufficiently loved during the early stages of their lives can be deeply painful and significantly influence their hearts. But if the story is saying that this emptiness and pain were the cause of him turning into a monster or leading to his downfall, then I find it incredibly disrespectful to people who endure such suffering. I don't think that was what the authors were going for, either. In my opinion, those factors alone don’t seem like sufficient reasons for someone with his personality and pain to commit such extreme acts. He wasn’t just an ordinarily “nice” person even; he seemed extraordinarily gentle by nature, at least from what I can tell.
If something external had happened to push him over the edge, then maybe it would make sense. That’s why I think he only changed after Ai’s death.
But in the story, aside from Ai, it feels like no one treats him as a human being. Was he really that terrible? From when? Why is he treated this way?
If this is meant to convey some kind of message, maybe I could understand it.
For instance: ���Both deities of the entertainment industry were warped in their own ways because they weren’t treated as human—one was revered as a god, and the other was treated as a monster.” If that’s the point, I might get it. But was that really conveyed properly?
What frustrates me immensely is that Kamiki was consistently abused from at least the age of 10 or 11, throughout his adolescence, and yet none of the adults around him did anything to help—they just left him to suffer. Then, near the end, they react so half-heartedly towards him when he goes to meet some of them, while acting all meaningful and apologetic, as if they’re atoning for their sins toward Ai. But what about him? It seems like no one—not a single person—ever did anything for him except for Ai, no wonder he's so desperate about her, huh?
And really, what did he even actually do? How far did his crimes go? When he says at the end, “I didn’t do anything,” (they actually had him say that) I think that’s half true and half false. From my perspective, it seems like he awakened after Ai’s death and started using his divine powers, determined he would bring her back. If he were a deity, it would make sense for him to be able to guide people’s futures, twist their fates, and decide whether they live or die. That's something he's actually capable of doing, if he's that specific god of light who governs over the industry!! If he committed sins, he should face the consequences. But—
If the story had depicted this situation in a clearer sense, like what is actually going about him in the first place, then they could’ve drawn out discussions about how to respond to this character in a more engaging way.
However, this work portrays the character as inherently problematic, yet when you break it down, it leaves you scratching your head. Everything is ambiguous. So, was he always problematic to begin with, or what? The story also includes parts where the protagonists like Akane or Aqua outright suggest that he’s an issue. Is it just because they need to kill him?
If the story were portraying him as if he had that kind of disposition from the beginning, I wouldn’t have anything to say… I can make that out!! I studied psychology for goodness sake!! As I’ve kept mentioned before, however, this character’s transformation is closer to complete corruption or a total reversal of temperament. People don’t change this drastically on a normal level. It’s just too strange. If this were explored more thoroughly, it might be more convincing. No matter how much I think about it, the only explanation for why this character was written this way seems to be this, that he is really some god, and I think it’s likely correct.
I mean, he was abused since he was a child, but not a single adult at the time properly addressed it. And I don’t even think that alone would have turned him into a criminal. That’s not what caused it— he was holding up for so long, and then, after Ai died, the only person who treated him well was gone. From what I figure, that's like what's the only thing enough to break him THAT BAD. I think he ended up living a miserable existence just to try and do something for her, to dedicate himself to her.
But none of this is clear, and the story just keeps pushing the narrative that “he’s the problem,” “he’s a monster,” and “killing him will solve everything.” Somewhere along the way, this approach starts to feel unnecessarily cruel and upsetting. Am I reading this wrong? But that’s how it seems to be written.
Is it really okay to handle this sort of subject this way? It’s too harsh, both internally and externally. It feels like the character has never been properly addressed or explored.
Sure, he’s an adult now, he needs to take responsibilities. But he was just a kid when he suffered. So young at that. Is it really appropriate to discuss things like a teenager’s “true nature” or whatever? Sometimes you do see kids with genuinely dangerous and cruel tendencies, but he used to be the exact opposite of such a case. He did not display any aggression. Why frame things this way? The way this story handles this is just mean. For someone who endured abuse and kept smiling to get through it, that’s an extraordinary level of strength and character. For his case, it isn’t about “true nature”—it’s a product of his environment. And yet they don’t explore that? They should. The way the narrative directs readers is deeply unsettling. What were the adults even doing? That’s the real issue! That’s where the problem lies! Not addressing that and just concluding with his death feels so infuriating. What is this story even trying to do?!
And to add to that, while we talk about him at 10 or 11 years old, I don’t think he ever received proper love even before that.
That’s why it’s so astonishing that when he met Ai, she said she wanted to live with him forever. It shows how much she genuinely liked him! Despite everything he had been through, he still managed to be that lovable to her. Both of them were so genuine toward each other. For that to happen, she must have been truly happy around him—she must have felt cared for. It's really hard for someone like that to endorse those kinds of feelings towards someone, she really loved that guy and he probably really deserved it at that point.
Looking at this character, even considering what he’s been through, his outward demeanor is still incredibly kind. It’s so rare for someone to stay that way despite everything.
The idea of this guy having a “noble soul” or “pure spirit”, "nobility" might connect to the Sarutahiko reference (since that god is described that way), but beyond that, this character’s natural disposition seems to have been one of the kindest in the entire story. He’s just been twisted by his experiences. I can believe he really was like that. Even Ai had a dark personality, yet he somehow endured without letting that show at least outwardly—even when he was just a kid, even younger than her!
He was genuinely a good person. For someone like that to end up this way? It’s because he lost Ai and couldn’t handle it. He had given all his affection to her. Maybe if there had been someone else in his life to help him, things could’ve been different, but no one besides Ai treated him well. The way the character was written really does suggest that’s the case.
The problem isn’t so much the framework or the plot but the way it’s executed. It’s so lacking in consideration. This kind of material is too heavy to leave in the realm of mystery-solving. Even so, if they wanted to depict his personality or actions as the problem, they should’ve written his personality differently and laid the groundwork with different foreshadowing.
They wanted to add mystery elements while still portraying him as kind, so there’s this constant mismatch. The result is that his character remains unclear. And they can’t fully commit to making him a villain because the character is tied to mythology—he’s clearly based on a god from myth, and that god was incredibly benevolent. Oh my gosh..why do this to a god known for being a loving husband?
Also—again—talking about the “true nature” of a 14–15-year-old? Sure, it’s not entirely out of the question, but isn’t still that going too far? No one talks about Airi’s true nature, so why his? What even is his “true nature”? Blaming a kid for this? For feeling hollow from having been neglected and unloved? Seriously… when adults start telling a child they’re “hopelessly empty” or whatever, I’m just sitting here clutching my head in frustration. He was just a middle schooler! What are you doing? And the adult doing the gaslighting? They’re not even a proper human being! Sure, adults like that exist in real life, but still!
The problem is that the story doesn’t dismiss it as nonsense—it actually builds that trait into his character. It doesn’t outright contradict it. I guess it’s not entirely wrong of them to point it out, but still… it’s so frustrating. These elements function as part of the plot and keep things intriguing, but it feels careless. The story doesn’t address the core issue, the problem of the adults having hurt a kid, and that makes it harmful. Anyway… Kamiki’s life was just awful. He could’ve turned out so much better. That’s what’s heartbreaking about him. And it’s not even entirely clear whether he didn’t turn out okay. His responsibility on this all is so ambiguous. What if he really didn't want to hurt anyone like he's said, but things turned out that way anyway—what are we supposed to do with that?
Well, considering what he thought about Ruby, I guess that’s not entirely the case(omg) but I think the whole "feeling Ai" might have actually had some sort of base from his standpoint. What if he knew doing that would work for certain but held back but didn’t kill her because she was his and Ai's child (he says that she's theirs) then felt “I should’ve tried something when I had the chance” in his dying breaths huh? Wouldn’t that be tragic? Messed up but I think that's what could have been what's going on! I could see that being possible. But still, what kind of nerve does he have… ugh… the audacity… How could he do that to his own daughter lol. At this point I think that's the writer's fault, not the character because it's so ridiculous. What even is this manga? I’m at a loss for words.
Honestly, I wish they hadn’t used such heavy themes. The manga can be entertaining but it’s too emotionally taxing. The author handles these serious topics in such a strange way, and it’s exhausting. I'd go as far to say it feels a bit irresponsible at times.
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giantkillerjack · 8 months ago
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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prolibytherium · 11 months ago
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I don't know if it's just a me thing but I don't like + cannot relate to so much romantic writing because the typical flowery descriptions of physical intimacy as this beautiful magical transformative experience are so far removed from how it feels for me
Like it's not even that I don't like that stuff but more that I'm always extremely aware of the very mundane physical aspects. I'm like 'damn this tongue is slimy and this tastes weird. Awesome'
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sunnibits · 6 months ago
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is anyone else like a huge fan of various medias, huge fan of characters, loves exploring plots and themes and character development, genuinely very enthusiastic about storytelling in general… but like, somehow physically incapable of making plot lines you care about with your own original characters. or like straight up being unable to create ocs you’re actually invested in???
like, you know what you like, you enjoy so many stories, you spend so much time digging into and delighting in the themes and tropes you like, and yet every time you try to make an original concept yourself it’s just impossible to make something compelling to you???? which makes no damn sense bc it’s literally coming from your own head so wouldn’t it be as self indulgent and perfect for you as possible??????
or is this just a unique me problem bc I swear to god it’s driving me insane
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deus-ex-mona · 5 days ago
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ok yk what. now that i’ve had some time to process nghy canon, considering the current pacing of gen retcon, i think their next step is as ✨clear as day✨
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i really like seeing them happy together, but i truly do think that they should divorce and either live the rest of their lives as single besties; partners in hero/heroine-isms, but better off as just friends, or go their separate ways for a bit and get back together when they’re a little older and wiser, staying together for good this time around, as each other’s first and last boyfriend/girlfriend
#‘haven’t you had quite enough of pushing your divorce agendas??? like with lxl????’ no. never.#idk i think part of their charm was nagisa’s patience and genuine earnest love for hiyori#and hiyori’s determination to achieve her goals of becoming a true heroine in every sense of the word…#but the current pacing is kinda… um. i really love how nghy is now truly canon ofc. but… it feels too rushed?#like they’re just checking off a box on a ‘relationships to go’ checklist?#and nagisa’s sudden second confession? in a throwaway line? what was that all about man… when did that even happen? excuse?#i think it’d have been more meaningful if hiyori was the one to confess without any prompting (to lead to their relationship)…#and. uh. don’t take this the wrong way but… noontea seemed a little peer pressure-y to me.#it kinda felt like juri and chizu were pressuring hiyori into getting a bf… it’s been eating away at me ever since i tried to tl it. but.#…idk. point is. i think a relationship built on those foundations (peer pressure/fomo and a suddenly persistent guy(???)) is doomed to fail#and so i think nghy should divorce. maybe they’ll reconnect romantically in a few years#(fulfilling nagisa’s agreement to be hiyori’s ‘last bf’ as well as having been her ‘first bf’ during their first try at a relationship)#or they could just be besties till the end of time; having been each other’s hero and heroine once upon a time#ik hw doesn’t do breakups of their main couples (not since nakimushi kareshi eons ago i think…)#but i think they should give it another go for nghy. maybe it’d make their love story a little more compelling#and maybe we could all unite under the cheers of hoping that ng and hy get back together in the future as more mature adults…?#idk i just. think the ‘right person; wrong time’ trope could work for nghy#like how it went in sukiuso/heroika with nagisa’s failed confession#even then they were the right person for each other; it just wasn’t the right time for them to date (personal goals/long distance/etc)#so maybe. this time ‘round even though they’ve started dating circumstances could still pop up here and there and maybe…?#…but idk~~~~~~~~ maybe it’s just the 5am thoughts or something that’s finally putting my incoherent trains of thoughts into words…#point is!!!!!! the current pacing is awkward!!!!!!!!! nghy deserve better!!!!!!! and their love story needs to be treated with more care!!!!#idk are hw trying to speedrun nghy for h10w bc nghy’s. like. a mix of different features of their previous couples#which would make ‘em the perfect couple to bring h10w together(???) or something???#but idk. im still really really happy the nghy is canon but. there are some mixed feelings here and there too…#idk dudes this has gotten way too long for its own good so ig i’ll stop here…#live laugh love nghy canon but… i still think they should break up for *at least* a year or so to reasses their relationship#sorry nghy… it’s for your own good i swear… i truly want you to be happy together!!!! i really do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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senselessalchemist · 1 year ago
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finally have an actual job so maybe I can stop being a hermit and get officially divorced and feel sort of financially stable and possibly try dating again and get a cat ??? is that allowed? no I probably shouldn't unless I get a bigger place and can have two cats to be friends
downside is when the fuck am I supposed to draw dumb comics if I'm working for hours and hours a day? Hell and suffering on earth. maybe i should get an iPad or a whatthefuck ever and draw on the commute so I don't lose even more of my meager art skills
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i will never forget the time I was hanging out with two other people who were new friends and they were like "let's do a sonic fandub" and one of them started looking up sonic game footage on youtube for us to dub while we discussed who would speak for who and we decided I'd voice tails. But also I knew nothing about sonic at the time, i'd only seen the snapcube fandubs because I'd heard they were good and funny, I didn't know the plot or characters very well. I couldn't remember what they sounded like so while the other two started to say silly things in sonic and amy's voices I asked "what does tails sound like again?" And I was laughing because I was embarrassed and also shocked by how quickly they had started commiting to the bit of trying to do some voice acting and my friend just said "he sounds like a twink" and I could not stop laughing and I could not take the idea seriously and I just told them that I couldn't do the voice oops. And so we moved onto a different topic pretty quickly and just enjoyed the pizza we had while we waited for our other three friends to get back from the store
anyways all of this is to say that Tails is NOT a twink, he is an 8 year old little boy and my friend was misguided.
#Can you tell that I'm mentally unwell and also that I had a falling out with these friends and also that I miss them dearly#I actually went to see the sonic 3 movie today on christmas day and I saw a group of people that I know- one guy in the group was one of#The three that was at the store while we were doing the dub. I had a falling out with all five of those friends after that.#That day was really great. It was like a year ago now. I feel like that was the first time where I was really vulnerable with friends#And I had never been so honest about my interests and thoughts before with a group of people and it. It was nice. But after that day it...#I think it was all my fault. Or at least mostly my fault. I was honest with them but no one else#So I couldn't accept the truth of myself and I wasn't ready for everyone i know to know me that way so I tried to hide it and ignore it#And in doing so I stopped being honest with them and I started avoiding them. And I regret it. I could have just been a weirdo with them#I could have spent every tuesday afternoon hanging out and talking about life with them over pizza. But instead I ran away.#And of course they kept asking about me and wondering why I was being weird but I couldn't face it. And I kept running away#And they kept trying to chase after me. I even left for like two months and completely went no contact and no explanation#But then I came back because I had nowhere else to go and it... it was so awkward. It was too much. And now I'm overthinking#everything. I was so jealous of them. All of them. And when I got to be friend with them it was too much for me. My brain couldn't accept i#I'm not allowed to be happy unless it's in secret. That's what my brain thinks#That's the mantra I've been living by recently. For like the past 3-5 years. That's just how I was raised I suppose#Um. Oops I ranted too much in the tags. Sorry if you read all of this. But also thank you if you did. I hope you're well#Rant in tags#rant#personal#Why is this literally just my journal. Goodness gracious#I'm so sorry. Everything I post here is like completely dumb and irrelevant and stupid and pointless and matters very little.#I am just mentally unwell and I can barely think clearly. I am sorry. I hope you look elsewhere for actually important or meaningful words#Dang I just had a dramatic soundtrack melody start playing in my head but I have no idea where this song is from or what it's called. Damn
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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 1 month ago
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who else up trying to figure out the purpose of it all and coming up empty
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itsalwaysdark · 5 months ago
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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n0phis · 2 years ago
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Gay.
gonna use this ask i didn’t initially dignify with a response to say that not replying to the ask game anons is killing me oh my god. overarching post to everyone who sent one holy shit those are some of the coolest things ive ever heard. really really really incredibly immeasurably happy that i can help inspire some of u, AND that ive met so many cool ppl in the community :] u guys slap
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balconyswirls · 8 months ago
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#i don't like when a character feels like they're supposed to be relatable but i can't relate to them#like there was this normal setting of a 16 y/o girl going to school and she's the only main character other than her dad who is almost 50#so obviously she's going to be a fleshed out character#and she's in history class and her teacher's divorced#and the moment her teacher shows a hint of sadness the narrator is like 'she imagined mrs. sonso touching herself alone at night etc.'#and the description continues for like four lines#i read this book at 15 and again recently like 😭😭 i've personally never thought things like that about teachers it just feels invasive#or anyone else for the matter#and i don't like how the author's trying to be like 'look this is the mind of a 16 year old girl' and to a predominantly adult audience#it sucks that i'm thinking so much about it because it's literally a minor part of the book there are so many other more meaningful topics#i don't know what most people around my age think i'm completely in the dark apart from the things i read online and in books like these#i can't help but feel a little alone bc i know it's normal to let your mind wander i just don't think much about this sort of stuff at all#and i don't know if it's because i'm still young and i'll grow out of it one day but i've been waiting to grow out of it for a long time#idk i think it's not normal whenever i read intimate scenes by a certain point you'd think at very least i'd be desensitised#and i've tried but it's like every time i read it has an adverse effect on my mind#anyways...
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fanofcarson · 1 year ago
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#all you have to create is something about skinny white men in love and everyone will care about you and them#anything else is just nothing to you ppl lol#what’s the point of trying to be an artist I swear I just wanna give up coz I can’t create enough finished art in general#WHY CANT I DRAW LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS A KID. it felt so easy and now I’m scared to do it for no reason ugh!!#i wish I was interested in the same things as everyone else coz at least then the quality wouldn’t matter and people would care anyway#sorry I know this comes across as really childish and mean and yeh it is I’m just venting#coz sometimes I look at certain popular profiles and stuff and it makes me ache coz I’ll never be a part of the big club where you can feel#love and I’ll never be able to coz I’m just a robot thing with no humanity!!!#even the LITERAL ROBOT is still reduced in the fandom to being shipped like just fuck off all of you#one of my bigger recent passion Roberts is a story and even when I have some motivation and energy I just remember that literally not a sing#single person on earth has any reason to care about it and why should they! so I just feel like crawling into a hole and sulking like a piss#pissbaby which is what I’m doing lol#just because it’s not about young skinny men and the ‘purity/beauty/divinity/superiority of romantic love </3’ and#and YUMMY SQUISHY ORGANIC RED PASSIONATE things because illl never be a part of all of that anyway#I’m not amazing I don’t have the inherent drama and meaningfulness of romantic love in me as a potential so I’m basically nothing#my life means nothing because i can’t feel the one thing that matters#-(one thing that matters according to the world and like all communities and societies and any place to feel like you’re a part of somethin#)#and if your broken (empty of romantic love) like me you’re told to go play by yourself in the corner and not complain that#everyone else gets to be in the group#‘just do your own thing it doesn’t matter what society thinks’ is well meaning and <3 but for me I just hear ‘don’t be a part of us’#what if I want to be a part of something? what if I want society to know and understand me?
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streetsandsodiumlights · 5 months ago
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(tags from @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist)
By the way "some aroace people still date and have sex" and "it's weird how internet spaces makes every single aroace character romance and sex favourable" can and should co-exist. Sincerely, an aroace person
#tags from prev#like……. yeah. that definitely sums up my feeling on it#at some point i think people heard ‘aspec characters can still date/have sex’ and took it to mean#‘I can still ship aspec characters as long as i mention they’re aspec sometimes’#when in reality if you’re going to ship aspec characters then you can’t do it in the same identical way#aspec people everywhere on the spectrum have complicated feelings on these things#and THATS what i want to see when someone starts shipping aspec characters. personally. i think they should be using those relationships as#a lens thru which to study the characters and how they’re unlike allo people#as an aroace person who has had a pretty complicated time sorting out my relationships with romance and sex#and how those things impact the committed relationship im in#and how those things interact with also being polyamorous#i would love to see people write aspec characters with at least SOME understanding and respect for their identities#show me how their identity changes how they interact with a partner. show me how they think about it#get weird with it. i never get to see romance-repulsed aros in stories. i never get to see aro people who aren’t ace#i never get to see people like me whose identities change moment to moment#show me how their *partner* thinks about it. if theyre with an allo person there are GOING to be feelings there. differences.#and if it's two aspec people together then it gets even MORE complex. how are they the same and how are they different#how does that change the dynamic? how do they talk about their relationship? how do other people perceive it?#please im starving. ive started talking about the things i want to see and now i cant live without it........#also. slightly different. pls more romance repulsed characters. make it more common to see around. this is important#people dont even realize that theyre determined to find ways to erase identities they dont understand instead of trying to understand them#i think on some level allo people 'get' the idea of being sex repulsed bc we live in a sex-negative society and they conflate the two thing#('oh you think sex is gross? yeah that's normal everyone thinks it's gross' is not a meaningful understanding of ace sex-repulsion)#but bc romance is so sweet and pure and good and everyone needs love to survive (said through gritted teeth)#people really struggle to accept or even acknowledge romance repulsion. i know in shipping communities it gets even harder#bc shipping is often ABOUT romance...#but i would still like to see people try. romance repulsed aroallo. romance repulsed friends who get to make faces at each other when peopl#mistake them for a couple. romance AND sex repulsed aroace who still gets meaningful analysis and screentime bc their life doesnt have to#revolve around romance and sex 1000% of the time forever#aspec people have written THE most interesting and compelling versions of some of my favorite characters of all time
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umilily · 1 month ago
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for someone who's so damn tired all the time, i sure am restless.
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