#like I feel like I just literally don’t even know what I want to write about. like I don’t know what I would enjoy

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

(this is gonna be so so so very long because i think reading this truly changed the trajectory of my life. you have been forewarned. pls read this masterpiece i beg of u)

holy. mother of matrimony. i — i have no words. currently on my flight to korea as i type and i thank my past self from 10 hours ago who decided to leave my tumblr app open on this fic before i lose connection so i could read this on my flight and . wow . i don’t think i’ve felt this way about a fic in a whileeeeeeee. your writing style is so so so beautifully painful, in a devastating way that makes me wish this was a book in a series i could purchase and read over and over and over again. i absolutely love how you wrote yn despite how insane is actually is (which we now know she really isnt insane, just grew up under circumstances and was wildly misunderstood). but oh my god the ending????? was so intense??? and not just that, but every intimate scene with sunghoon wanted to make me cry from emotional tension AND from how HOT IT WAS LMAOO. when she finally lets sunghoon in and realizes her true feelings and vulnerability, i think i actually wanted to shed tears right here and now in my lil economy flight seat oh my god.

“Because his hands roam your body as if they have in every world; as if there is not one timeline where you have not been made for him. Like you were carved from his rib every time.”

IM GONNA SCREAM LIKE WHAT????? THIS IS INSANE I DONT THINK U UNDERSTAND HOW THIS QUOTE MADE ME FEEL ???? oh my god im gonna cry all over again

"You're so good, good for me. We are so good together. I am yours. And you are mine," he says softly. His eyes are so filled with love, and if you could see your reflection in his then you would know yours are too. "Say you're good, baby, it's okay.*

WHAT THE ACRUAL FUCK😭😭😭😭NO BECAUSE THIS?? the way this fic started with yn wanting to strip hoon of his purity and ruin him but ir ended up being THE OPPOSITE ??? and he SHOWS HER AND SHES GOOD !!!!! and she BELIEVES IT !!! SHES ALLOWS HERSELF TO BELIEVE IT AND TO BE CHANGEDDDD UR HONOORRRRR i rest my case oh my god

"I hate you. I fucking hate you," you whisper harshly, looking up at him with tear filled eyes.

"I love you too," he whispers back.

MY JAW literally dropped at this. like this trope/line is one of those cliche ones but something about how you executed this???? was so amazingly beautifully done. if i wasnt in a plane rn i would stand up and applaud u fr this ENTIRE scene was perfection from start to finish. the vulnerability? the realization? the rawness? holy shit i think it added five years to my life.

AND THEN THE ENDING !!

"Harvest all of my purity, farmer's daughter."

man i don’t even have the words anymore. im just gonna leave it at that. thank you for this beautiful work of art. gonna go back to this whenever i wanna feel something.

harvest of purity — sunghoon [ 박성훈 ]

pairing ⦂ sunghoon ⨯ fem. reader

synopsis ⦂ au in which an innocent, shy, and faithful sunghoon takes a summer job as a farmhand. he’s never indulged on his desires until the farmer’s daughter shows him a taste of sin. although riddled with guilt, he cannot deny or escape the new rousing feelings that impurify him. especially when she's set on ruining him every chance she gets.

genre ⦂ smut, slow burn romance, strangers to lovers word count ⦂ 29k tags ⦂ fluff and angst, repressed desires, innocence loss, guilt and shame, exploring relationships, falling in love, southern gothic vibes, summer au, clingy down bad sunghoon, ‘mean’ morally gray reader, both are weirdo loser freaks content advisory ⦂ mdni ! dark-ish content ⚠︎ sexually explicit content in four scenes: handjob, oral (m. rec.), dry humping, thigh fucking, unprotected sex, virginity loss, corruption!kink, degradation!kink, praise!kink, switch!hoon, he whines whimpers and cries; religious themes, concepts, corruption, and criticism; manipulation, animal death, blood, intense scenes, abusive parenting, gun mention and use

note ⦂ poured my heart out. i hope you love it as much as i do. dedicated to my other evil, off-putting, and/or weird girls┊reblogs and feedback encouraged ⇀ playlist ⸝⸝ masterlist 🌾

　You’re not sure what life in your small town was like before you were born. You can imagine it’s not too different from what it is now though. The thing about old country towns is they never seem to change. Open fields and miles of farmland. Two gas stations, one grocery store, a few family owned vegetable stands or in-home produce product shops. Only one notable neighborhood where the majority of the townspeople lived if not hidden somewhere else in the countryside. And too many churches to keep track of if the abandoned ones were included in the count. 

You like to think your parents were happy before you too. Hopeful and optimistic when offered to take over your uncle’s farm. Excited for the next step in their relationship after their marriage. They were the ideal family dream coming to life: high school lovers, engaged after graduation, married, a career handed to them through family with a large property of land and lovely farmhouse. All that was left was to grow that family. To have children to not only help tend the fields and animals but run around barefoot, all smiles, and wide eyed. 

You were positive that it was something they wanted. 

But life couldn’t have been that easy for them; it would’ve been too gratuitous of a blessing.

The day you were born, your father knew there was something greatly wrong with you. He claimed that on the day you ripped your mother open, screaming and crying, that God spoke to him for the first time. He called it divine intervention. Believing the birth of your soul was a red-herring of all that was set to come but God would show him the light, the truth: that you were nothing short of evil and needed saving. 

That year on the farm there was nothing but death. It only furthered your father’s harsh thinking of you. The crops and produce either died or rotted before it had the chance to grow or ripe. The animals were dropping dead from unknown illnesses. Every female livestock that gave birth passed in doing so. Barely any profits were made that year. Taxes were rising and so were the prices of nearly everything. It was a huge toll for your family, especially when raising their first child. Before you were even conscious of the situation everything was already deemed your fault. 

Through the harrowing struggle, your father’s optimism turned to resentment. He claimed that bringing you to the farm was not like bringing a daughter home, but a corrosive parasite. He believed that you were the reason for the life being sucked away from their perfect farm life. So, he turned to the only thing that he could trust to save the family from your curse: God. Begging and pleading through prayers every morning and night to the sky for a better season. 

He studied religion here and there before taking over his brother-in-law's farm but with the farm failing for the first time, he took a change of career paths. He was already well known among the locals, close with the church goers in the community. And somewhere along the way, he managed to start preaching himself. Nearly every christian in your town moved churches to follow where he went. Like sheep to a shepherd. 

If only they knew what you did, what he was truly like behind the closed doors of your home. How his devotion was turning to violence. Day by day, becoming uglier. 

While your father busied himself with his new found family, often away from home on the farm, the crops and animals began to thrive again. Slowly but surely, growing and regaining health. He would say it’s God’s doing, a small taste of His salvation. 

Your early years were mostly troubled by the relationship of your parents. Too young to fully understand their disputes, drawing at the kitchen table with their yelling sounding the house. It was always about you, that much you knew. Because you watch and you listen. Quick to learn that they tried for another child but never had any success. They wanted someone else to be their baby. Something that felt more like a blessing than you. Your father constantly spitting in your mother’s face that you were the rot to the fruit of her womb. And then he would always end up leaving by slamming the door and your mother would always join you at the table with tears and a bottle of wine. You always just watched, listening in silence. Perhaps just born resilient.

Growing up was different for you compared to most of the kids in your town. You never had the opportunity to make many friends being homeschooled. The only time that was spent around others your age was kindergarten. Kindergarten was short lived because of your behavior; the teachers at school were concerned about you. How you were mean, rough, and sinister with your actions towards others. Picking on the kids you were simply interested in because of how different from you they were. Drawing pictures of gutted cattle or dead, half developed baby chicks still in their shell and giving them as gifts to the teachers. Sharing to classmates the cruelty of farm life and why it was pretty with a smile. 

Your father loved to find out about this, you could see it in his eyes. The way they were wicked and screamed I told you so to your mother. You didn’t understand why it was bad or caused trouble. You were only having fun for the first time. The way the kids ran away crying or the teachers wore faces of shocked horror, it made your insides light up in joy. A new feeling—a sense of excitement. You didn’t know it was sick. And of course, it was taken from you. You were removed from school and your mother became your teacher. Your classmates became stuffed animals and the real ones in the barns. It was hard for you to find that joy you briefly felt with others. 

Sometimes you had a glimpse of it again when your father would punish you. But even that you grew sick of. The mess, the stench of it all. Sticky and red, worse in the heat of summer. He drilled the sick moto for his actions into your head, “I know no punishment, only mercy.”

Father took you both to church more often after that. He had a false image to uphold afterall, one of a happy, God loving family. In his ego he had to prove that his preaching and prayers could fix you, save you. But that was only admitted at home, loud and scary to your mother. Your poor mother, weak and defensive of you, eventually waved her white flag. You wished she kept fighting for you and that she wouldn’t begin to see you the way your father did. 

Childhood and adolescence was a string of questions about yourself. Never quite finding out what made you so bad to be seen as devilish when all you thought of yourself was curious. Perhaps just unlucky to be correlated with negative happenings on and off the farm, always gone without a chance of understanding. Despite it all, you knew well enough the way your parents talked and looked at you was without unconditional love. 

On your 17th birthday, the family dynamic made the biggest shift to be experienced. 

At this age, you had such a strong sense of independence and with the lack of parental guidance and monitoring, you would leave town when you could. Ride your bike down the long road to the bus stop at the center of town and take the bus into the city over. Your mother was generous with allowance and you saved your money well, only spending it on books or trips to the movie theater. A form of escape that allowed you to learn more about the world and all the things your parents tried to keep hidden from you. A way to learn how to be human. 

So when your father was tearing your room apart in search of the same gift he re-gifts you every year, he found some things that made his stomach churn. Every year for your birthday he rewrapped the same, first ever, bible he’d given you. Funny enough that he gave you anything at all considering he never even referred to it as your day, only his day of revelation. And to his disgust, on his sacred day, he found books and journals of explicitly detailed copulation and debauchery. 

He almost fainted. Stumbling over his own feet, hands shaking as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the words on the pages. That was the only time you smiled on that day. Just for a second. And then a glimpse of hell broke loose. 

In a rage, he destroyed everything. Your mother stood next to you in tears, telling him to stop and stop. Her hands covered her face but she saw everything through her fingers. You only watched in silence, hands balled in fists by your side. A silent hatred and anger coursed in you. He called you names that no man of God should, especially to his own daughter. 

“You’re a disgraceful deviant of Satan! I should’ve known. My own day of revelation is a curse!” You watched him rip pages apart, his voice booming through the house. “Years spent praying for you and this is how you turn out?! Succumbing to nothing but a dreaming whore?!”

A part of you liked his mean words. It was so rare for him to use such colorful language. 

You knew what would come next. He was going to have you ‘cleansed’. Something he always did when he discovered something new and sacrilegious of you. 

But it didn’t come. Because there was no dying, old sheep on the farm at the time. He did make a promise to not forget though. A promise to have you washed in sacrificial, blessed blood on a day you least expected. 

Your father left after that, leaving you and your mother behind. He moved to the city to continue his preaching at a larger church. He became known as the closest reverend to God for miles and miles. Lost in his ways, he only made visits when he needed to sort things out for the business of the farm.

You were content with his departure, yet couldn’t quite understand why your mother missed him. As far as you’ve seen, he was never kind towards either of you. 

　But now, it’s several years later. And although you’re free of your father’s heavy presence and homilies, he still makes his trips to the farm. You can feel the air change whenever he does, as if you’ve gained a sixth sense for his coming. Naturally intuitive to things having spent your childhood walking on eggshells in your own home. 

And today, the air feels particularly chill for summer. The breeze sweeps in through your open window. The forecast called for nothing but sunshine all week, yet there’s an angry, dark cloud hanging over your farm. A foreboding feeling shivers through you, and you know he’s going to fulfill his promise today. You sigh and slide out of bed. “Let’s get this over with.”

You spend the morning doing your usual routine. Brushing teeth, washing your face, then dressing in farm work attire. Your breakfast consists of tea and your mothers homemade strawberry scone. Next is tending to the animals. Your mother usually takes care of the crops and gardening. It’s a quiet and early morning, as most are. The both of you keep to yourselves, just doing what needs to be done day by day. 

The sound of a car is heard coming down to the long dirt road and you know who it is by the sound. It’s a fancier vehicle than the one he left this property with years ago. A meaner part of you likes to think his greedy hands got into that mega church’s donations but you’re too self aware of the successful farm your family owns. 

Your father parks in front of the house and your mother is quick to rush over to him, presumably with many questions: How have you been? Are you hungry? Thirsty? What brings you here so early in the month? 

You roll your eyes at her desperation to cling onto the relationship that clearly ended when you were a child. 

You place a hand on your hip, leaning your weight to the side that isn’t carrying the heavy bucket of chicken feed. Walking away from the coops and back towards the shed by the house, you make eye contact with your father despite only taking a glance. 

He watches you with narrow eyes from the lowered window of the car he’s still sitting in, very much not listening to a word your mother is saying. 

He calls your name before you can open the shed. Spinning on the heels of your boots, you turn around with raised brows of questioning. 

He mouths the words sacrificial tree as he exits the car. Your mother sees this. She wears pained disappointment as she scurries away. Presumably to the barn where the sheeps and lambs are kept. She might as well be a sheep too, you think. 

The bucket slips from your fingers and drops to the patchy dirt grass by your feet with a thud, spilling over in a mess that will be cleaned later. 

You don’t bother giving him a nod of understanding. You just turn around and begin your walk to the tree line where the man made path is. Knowing it would take some time for his preparations, you walk to the lake that’s hidden behind the farmland. 

It’s a brief walk through your familiar woods. Once at the short wooden dock, you sit down at the end, taking in the gloomy summer scenery. A light fog hugs over the water. You bring your knees to your chest, in your sitting position, and hug yourself the same way. 

This is your favorite place out of all the land your family owns. It’s serene, mostly. Always quiet. You’re the only one who comes here. And it’s nice to swim with when the weather warrants it. There’s a feeling here that’s hard to feel anywhere else you find yourself. Sometimes you imagine what it would be like with someone else, but you doubt it would be as nice. Trouble has a way of following you, it seems. You frown at the thought. 

It’s silent like this for a few minutes, just you trying to find a sense of calmness before the impending chastisement. Then you hear some rustling of leaves, heavy footsteps following. You don’t turn around yet, you only wait for the call of your name. Your time of tranquility is too brief. You sigh before giving yourself a squeezing hug. 

“It’s time,” the reverend calls out loudly, “quickly now, we have new farmhands arriving soon.” The sound of his feet walking away is when you stand. You wave a goodbye to the foggy lake before parting ways. Your feet move unconsciously, taking to where your body knows to go. 

Leaves crinkle underneath your boots and twigs snap. The trees’ branches sway in the gentle morning breezes that pass. 

In the mix of the small forest, man made crosses of sticks or plywood are spaciously scattered. Like a graveyard to all your bad doings. Most small but one large. Old rotted wood that stands crooked and begging to fall over right next to the largest, strongest tree. Your eyes, that are trained to ground, move upwards the cross and then to the tree. Your father stands there with a large knife in hand. Your mother waits cautiously not too far away. Her demeanor is frightful as if this is the first time. Coward.

An old sheep hangs by its hind legs from a sturdy tree branch. Unmoving and defenseless. Big beady, dumb eyes look in all directions but you. You think it must feel the same guilt as yourself, sorry that its life purpose is to embarrass you, make you hate what you are. 

“God told me to make a sacrifice to prove my faith. He guides my hand in washing your soul clean of sin. So here I am with our blessed, dying lamb.” He’s said this every time. His voice is always miserably rehearsed and preacher-esque. 

You thought long ago that this was their, the lambs, only use on the farm. It’s a shame. All that devotion has made him so ugly and violent. 

You make small steps closer to the lamb. It’s whining in bleat baas and mehs. Does it know what’s happening? Is it scared? You like the lambs, sheeps. Pure white, soft, and docile. They never fight back. They just take it. I doubt they need restraints. You could hold them above me just the same and they’d never resist. 

“Move faster, for the love of God. Yeah, stand right there underneath like you know how to.” He instructs you, annoyed. His patience running thin as the distant sounds of a truck makes way down the dirt road to the farm property. 

“Okay…” You don’t fight him, with arms crossed behind your back and a hand squeezing around your own wrist, you move closer. Maybe you’re a lamb too. 

Maybe all your father really was is the executioner. 

He raises the knife as he begins to speak, it slides over its cotton, white throat but does not cut, “Revelation 7:13-17 Then he told me, ‘These are those who come from the great tribulation, and they’ve washed their robes, scrubbed them clean in the blood of the Lamb. That’s why they’re standing before God’s Throne. They serve him day and night in his Temple. The One on the Throne will pitch his tent there for them: no more hunger, no more thirst, no more scorching heat. The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life. And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes.’” He slits its throat in a quick, harsh movement. The blood spills just as fast, squirting spurts of red before it comes pouring down onto you. “Face up,” you obey even though it brings you rage, “it ought to cleanse those unholy thoughts I know that are still in there.” 

Head raised to the sky with eyes and mouth squeezed shut, you let it consume you. Warm, thick and wet washes down from your head onto your clothes then down to your feet. The smell of animal, metallic iron covers you. It’s sticking to your hair, eyebrows and lashes. You can already feel your clothes clinging to your skin in the dirtiest ways. 

You stand there, drenching in the its blood. Your father speaks again, firm and slow, “Say it with me now, ‘I know no punishment, only mercy.’” All you feel is the animal’s rain of life flooding you.

You open your mouth to speak but are quick to spit and cough out the blood that manages to get into your mouth. Smack. 

“I don’t have time for this,” his voice sounds like an echo, your head is ringing from the harsh swing of his hand. The skin of your cheek stings. He hits like a bitch, you think. “Say it with me now, dammit!” You can feel him wipe his bloodied hand on the side of your shirt. 

You step back from under the red shower. “I know no punishment, only mercy.” Your words align with his in the perfect paced harmony you’re trained to do so. Enunciated, slow and strong, through gritted teeth.

There’s a beat of silence before the sound of your parents footsteps walking away. 

Standing there in red, yet to open your eyes, you breathe out a shaky sigh of defeat. It sounds more like a growl. With the mostly clean hands you kept safely behind you, you bring them up to wipe the blood from your face. You don’t dare to look at the dead animal in front of you. Being covered in it is enough alone to make you feel sick. 

You think of going back to the lake, jumping in and letting the blood wash off you there, but knowing you’d either walk back with further drenched clothes or naked didn’t seem like options you wanted to deal with either. So you just head back to the house. It’s a slower walk than need be, but you just felt like avoiding the eyes of the newcomers, hoping they’d be off in the fields or in a barn by the time you walk through. You feel numb. 

You’re wrong though, by the time you’re passing the barns and coops, the group of new farmhands are already lined up outside the horses’ stable. Your mother is talking to them, although not all are paying attention. Only a few pairs of wide eyes follow you. Catching the sight of you must really shock them but you can’t blame them. Something about this makes you excited. You stop in your tracks and look around to see if your father’s car is gone. It is. The realization feels like a wave of relief and it suddenly feels brighter outside already. 

You take a glance down to your disheveled appearance. Shirt, pants, and boots painted like the barns. You look back to the group, brushing the soiled hair back from your face. Some pieces stay stuck, in the early stages of drying against your skin.

It’s safe to have a little fun. 

You begin a slow walk over to the group. You take a headcount and there’s five of them. Two younger men, closer to your age. The other three look a bit older, not by much but definitely older. Your mother is yet to turn around from whatever rundown she’s giving them. Too dense to even recognize that now none of them were paying any attention to her. 

You creep up beside her and open with, “Hello,” your voice is louder than even you’ve heard it be in a long time. It’s nice to be heard, noticed. You usually avoided the farmhands, but this summer was going to be different. You decided this on the walk over. 

Being cooped up on the farm for so long made you different, it’s obvious to anybody. Not properly socialized in your developmental years caused you to be an anomaly to the ones who did come across you. Enigmatic from far away and up close. Now isn’t the greatest example though, the situation is too clear as to why. 

Your mother turns to you, gasping and jumping back slightly in the shock of your gross state and sudden introduction. “My goodness, girl, whatta ya doin’ here like this?” Her voice is hushed, clearly unsettled with the situation. 

They all just stare at you, open mouthed and bewildered. You take the time to get a good look at each of them up close. Your eyes follow their faces individually down the line. And then they stop. 

At the end of the line is a man more beautiful than the ones you’ve seen in the movies. You feel stuck in time, left with parted lips, staring at the man before you. And far too intently for your character. He stands tall, sharp, pale, and elegant. What is a boy like this doing here? He averts his eyes from you, clearly uncomfortable by what’s before him. He looks uneasy, shifting his weight foot to foot with his hands behind his back. His pretty eyes glance around from you to your mother to the other men and the ground. He simply doesn’t know what to do with himself. You find it dangerously darling of him. 

You don’t even realize the small smile that takes your lips. You step closer to him and he steps back, now looking at you with wide eyes of small fear. You extend your hand to him, it’s coated in drying blood. He gulps and the sight, his adam’s apple bobbing in such a biteable neck stirs something in you. This will be far more fun than you intended. 

You say your name softly for introduction and step a little closer, “Nice to meet you," you feign cuteness as much as you can, looking up at him through your blood clumped lashes. It’s clear to everyone there is something off; there’s little to no real emotion behind your voice and face. 

Your mother eyes you suspiciously as you corner the handsome man, but she says nothing. Sometimes she fears you too. 

He looks from your eyes to your hand, having an internal battle with himself on what to do, “Ah, I am Sunghoon... Nice to meet you too.” His politeness must be stronger than his frighteness, because he takes his hand in yours and shakes it gently. His hand is large in yours, nearly covering it entirely. You squeeze it hard, your eyes never leaving his, trapping him in the scene. 

He wants to look away, to hide somewhere. The way his skin crawls tells him he’s a prey already in the mouth of a predator. And you know he’s nervous under your intense gaze because your hand feels like a lamb is still bleeding above you. His palms are sweating, and it’s nowhere near hot enough for that yet. Your smile grows to a smirk. 

Although you’re wearing the lamb, having Sunghoon’s hand in yours made you feel like a wolf. 

　Sunghoon’s first day of his summer job starts off duller than he imagined. The sun isn’t out this morning and it only intensifies his anxiousness, as if the grey skies reflect his inner emotions. He’s already new to the area, away from home and staying in an apartment not far from his college in the city. A private, christian school that he studied hard to get into with his friend. He wishes his best friend and roommate, Jake, was joining him in this job, but Jake already had plans to teach at a summer soccer camp for kids through their school. 

He found this opportunity through the college church they attend together. A reverend from another church in the city came to visit one Sunday, handing out flyers to the young men in hopes of finding farm help. The pay is good and the bus fairs to the small town over where the farm’s located is covered. He’s never done work like it before, nevertheless was he going to let a simple offer pass him up. 

Things are going smoothly to start, being told how to care for, clean, and feed the animals to crop preservation. Everyone would have their own specific roles on the farm. Sunghoon was assigned the easier of the tasks, either feeding animals or watering and fertilizing the vegetables and fruits crops. He learns there are already regular farm workers that would come throughout the week to collect produce, material, and use the machinery for the more laborious work. And if she wasn't around when needed then they could ask any of the regular employees for assistance or find her at the house. 

As the farm owner is about to give details on the horses’ maintenance, a girl saunters in. And the anxious feelings become of Sunghoon all over again. His eyes are wide, taking in her appearance. The smell of the farm dissipates and putrid copper takes over. The worst part is how calm she appears, and the fact that she’s unbothered with all that she wears. 

He thinks his brain short circuits, everything seeming muffled and unreal. He doesn’t even realize he introduced himself or touched her. It all was too quick and unfamiliar for him to grasp. 

He watches as she walks away, back to the house that sits slightly over the hills and valleys of the property. His expression is blank, blinking slowly at the strange girl then down to his hand that’s stained red too. 

“Don’t pay her no mind,” the woman speaks up, she sounds as if she’s warning them. “Just get yer work done and when everyone’s finished y’all can head back home. I won’t ask too much of ya in yer first month here, alright? That might be a different story later.” She tries to end the statements in humor with her forced laugh. 

Sunghoon nods but his eyes don’t leave his dirty hand. The other men nod along too and give their ‘yes, ma’ams’ in return. 

The woman continues walking them around the farm, listing rules and guidelines they must follow, along with advice and tips for the work they’ll be doing. 

The day flows as easy as it can for Sunghoon. He doesn’t talk much with the other farmhands. He also doesn’t know them well enough to be comfortable in their conversations, so he just exists in awkward silence, sometimes reacting. While they can joke around and find fun in the work, his mind keeps wandering off to the girl from earlier, to you. How your empty eyes held onto his and small hand even tighter. He thinks the palm of his hand still burns from the interaction. 

Around the afternoon time, Sunghoon and the guys are sitting around a picnic table near the house. The sun is beating down on them all now while they chug down water and eat their lunch. The owner was kind enough to provide their refreshments and meals. They were all thankful. 

She adds that there’s a small lodge up the dirt road. It’s a little old but homey and has space with two spare bedrooms if they need to wash up or rest at any time. It was originally built for the farm workers that worked late and needed a place to stay if need be. 

Once done, the boys stand up and talk about what they have left to do. The next bus back to the city isn’t running for another two hours so they speak of taking some leisure time and exploring the farm property. Meanwhile Sunghoon is still sitting, watching them huddled in conversation. He wipes some sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand as they begin walking towards the fields.

Sunghoon, taking what the farm owner had mentioned previously, decides that he’d like to stay inside to get away from the beating sun for a while. So he gathers his trash to throw away in the bin by the road near the house’s mailbox and begins his walk to the lodge. 

Once inside he takes in the rustic, outdated furniture. It’s a little dusty and the floorboards creak beneath his feet but he finds it somewhat comforting. The living space has two couches by an old stone fireplace, a center table with board games and cards, a kitchenette, and a large dining table with enough space to seat six people. 

The decor is very farmers-life-esque. From a cow print rug in the small kitchen area to the antlers mounted on the wall near the dining table. There’s scenic southern paintings hung up along with antique crosses and prints of bible verses, all adoring the faded and peeling floral wallpaper. Above the fireplace hangs a painting depicting Jesus healing a blind man. 

He walks down the only short hall in the lodge to find the two spare bedrooms the woman had mentioned along with a bathroom. He takes this time to wash his hands thoroughly and splash some cold water on his face. With his hands resting on the sink, he stares at himself in the mirror. The cold drops of water slip down his face, jaw, and back into the sink. 

In his mind he’s questioning whether or not he’s sure of this job. It’s all too different from what he knows and he can’t help but feel out of place here. With a sigh, he drops his head and watches the water slip down the sink. 

He jumps slightly at the sudden sound of the front door opening and closing, not expecting the others to join him here quite yet. No noise follows the action for a moment, not even footsteps. Then there’s the sound of a click, like the door is being locked. He straightens his posture and peaks out the bathroom door, listening for their voices or any sound other than silence. It offers nothing to him so he begins to feel tense. 

“Hello?” Sunghoon calls out skittishly, but there’s no response. His heart rate picks up a little and he starts to think the boys are trying to pull some sort of childish prank on him. He leaves the room and makes slow steps down the hallway to the main area of the lodging house. 

As he rounds the corner he doesn’t find any of the boys there though, he just sees you. His heart jumps at the realization. Sitting on the couch, in overall shorts and nothing else. Bare legs crossed and hands against the couch by your sides as you watch him peer around the corner with apprehension. You’re  just sitting there, leaning forward and waiting for him to come find you. 

Cowardly, Sunghoon makes a half turn. He presses his back against the wall of the hallway as if he could hide away or disappear into it. He even closes his eyes, thinking of a quick prayer to save him from this circumstance. 

“Are you pretending to be shy or are you really this cute?” Your voice is teasing, and he can hear the wicked smile in it without seeing. 

Feeling caught, he just sighs and slowly makes his way to the living area. He tries not to look at you, thinking you are too revealing. So he looks everywhere else and then to large windows that give view to the farm; none of the guys are in sight. Most likely somewhere goofing off. All he can see is the fields and farm buildings standing large in the distance. 

He doesn’t move and speaks softly, “I should probably go find the others-”

You speak before he can finish his attempt of an excuse, “Come sit with me.” You pat the space on the couch next to yourself. Your voice sounds welcoming but he knows there’s an undertone of mischief. 

He makes a quick glance to you and sucks in a breath at the view of your body that’s exposed from your overalls. The glimpse of the curve of your breast disappearing under the denim already makes him feel like he’s seen too much of you. And he has. He’s never seen such bare skin on a girl and he’s never been alone in a room with one either. 

“Come sit with me, now.” You’re more stern this time, demanding in a gentle way. Your hand makes small movements, soothing over the material of the couch like you’re warming the space for him. 

He visibly swallows as he makes his hesitant steps over to you. His heart is racing and with every beat there is a question of his strength. He sits down on the same sofa but not directly next to you like you want. You smirk nonetheless and turn to face him, sitting with your legs criss-cross now. 

With your elbows to your knees you hold your head in your hands, watching the side of his face. You’re again realizing how sculpted his features are. Dark thick hair on his head, eyebrows and lashes too. An array of moles sprinkle his pale face. A sharp nose that sits above pink, full lips. You wonder if he knows of his own beauty. It’s fascinating to see such a person like him in front of you. 

He’s sitting with perfect posture, not relaxing into the couch. Alert like a deer that’s waiting for too sudden of movement to pounce away. His eyes just watch the table, reading through the names of the board games that lay there as a way of distracting himself. He’s awkward. 

“Uhm… d-does your family own this farm?” he tries for small talk to break the silence. His bottom lip finds itself between his teeth as he makes one quick look over to you. Luckily your overalls sit high up or he’d have a full view of your chest. He can’t help but think of the fact and it makes him shift uncomfortably. 

“Do I make you nervous?” you question, seriously so. Brows pulled tight in a furrow with a straight face. You lean in even closer to him, watching for every change on his face. 

“Yes,” his response is honestly quick and ends with a tight lip, like he’s holding his breath. He is yet to comprehend what is happening, still in a whirlwind of thoughts of what could—will—happen. 

“Why?” Your head tilts slightly to the side, it makes him think of his roommate briefly. And man does he wish he were here to ease the tension. 

He doesn’t want to admit that he’s never been in such close proximity with a girl alone before, so he just clears his throat and remains quiet after doing so. 

Curiously, you bring a hand up with a pointed finger and brush the tip of it over the mole on the side of his nose. He jolts back at the sudden touch, his cheeks flushing a warm pink. His eyes now watch you with gentle confusion. He touches the same spot you did with a trembling hand. 

“You have a constellation on your face. So many moles… Do you have a girlfriend?” 

His face burns a little more, both from the observation and the question. He shakes his head, sitting himself further into the couch and further away from you. He can’t quite understand the situation. Are you messing with him? You seem too serious for such. Maybe you’re just weird like he initially thought. Either way he can feel his faith slipping; he is cupping holy water in hands during an earthquake. 

“Did I do somethin’ wrong? Am I not pretty?” You pout to be playful with him, acting as if his actions are offending you. He takes it literally though. 

“No!” his hands rest on his knees and he holds them hard, trying to find stability despite sitting down. “Y-you are… pretty,” his words grow quieter, like he’s sharing a secret. “I just don’t know you or why you want to talk to me.” 

“Hm.” You lean your head back against the couch. With your eyes still on his face, you speak just as quietly, “I’m still trying to figure that out too.” After some beats of muted air you speak up again, but with more presence, “You came to work here. Why?” 

“A man was handing out flyer ads at the church. I wanted a summer job.” 

Is he always this direct and boring? And church, of fucking course. You roll your eyes, pushing yourself off the back cushion and even closer to the man. Your knees touch the side of his body and his thigh. He looks like he’s trying to control his breathing, to feign lack of disturbance, but his face says everything you need to know. 

You place a hand on his thigh and his whole body stiffens at the action. Your smirk to yourself. It’s only resting there on the top of his jeans. “You act like a girl has never touched you before.” You give him a soft squeeze and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Well? Has a girl ever touched you?” 

He shakes his head quickly, “No,” he breaks, feeling overwhelmed and wrong, “and I don’t think you should be. It’s against the churches values-”

“At your age you still follow the rules?” Your hand slides lower and back up his thigh, it’s a slow and teasing motion. There’s enjoyment in how scared he’s becoming. 

Sunghoon knows that this is only going to lead him down a path he swore to God not to take. And if his parents were to know that in his first year away from home in the summer since college was locked in a lodge with a promiscuous girl he’d have it handed to him. The thought of their wrath makes him shiver all the more. 

“I just don’t want to sin.” His eyes close and he bites down onto his lip again. He no longer cares if a stranger sees him as a loser or prude. His virtue is being tested in real time, and he’s feared facing this battle many times in the night because even in his dreams he loses. 

“I’m only touching you. How is it a sin?” The tone of your voice changes, it’s soft like the hand that moves closer to in between his thighs. Your fingertips press into his clothed skin here and there, curiously feeling him up. You just try to get a reaction out of him. There’s a warm feeling in your stomach that you don’t recognize; it’s faintly familiar. 

“Your hand isn’t supposed to be… there.” He makes a strained sound, something like a low whine, as your hand ghosts over his cock. 

You look down to your movements for the first time and realize he’s sporting a half chub. You snicker quietly, cupping him in your palm. “Then why are you getting hard, Sunghoon? Do you like the way I’m touching you? I bet you’ve thought about doing this before too.” 

He makes another noise, a whimper. He can’t bring himself to open his eyes and accept what’s happening. He also can’t find it in himself to stop you, or get up and leave. This wasn’t just a struggle with evil’s temptation but his own biological nature. Something yet to be explored, something that’s been scratching at his ribcage for years to be fed. 

There’s too much he can’t admit in this moment. Starting with how he enjoys the sound of your voice, the slight accent and dialect difference he picks up. How the way his name leaves your lips makes him want to crumble like a burning church. And how he silently likes the fact he can’t control the way his body is reacting to your hands on him. 

It’s all wrong, wrong, wrong. And he is weak.

“Answer me, Sunghoon.” Your hand presses down on him, feeling the growing hardness under your palm. You give him a small squeeze, massaging over the bulge. To your surprise he feels big. Your eyebrows quirk at this and then you look back to his face. A single tear runs down his face and you find satisfaction in it. “Lying is a sin too,” you remind him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his hands fist the couch cushions at his sides. He grips the material so tight that his knuckles turn pink through the pale of his skin. His chest rises and falls through slow and deep breaths. 

“You shouldn’t feel sorry for something that makes you feel good.” You palm over him a few more times, drawing out little moans and whimpers from him. He’s struggling to sit still. You can even feel him try not to push his hips back up into you; if only he would admit that he wants it. He’s practically pulsing beneath you, like there’s never been such a rush of blood to his cock in his life. You sigh dramatically and pull your hand away from him, sitting back to give him space. “That’s too bad. A good dog will always be loyal, huh?”

His eyes shoot open when he feels your hand is gone. He looks at you desperately with wet eyes, a small pout to his lips. You make him feel sick for wanting to ask why you stopped, or if he did something bad for you to take away his short-lived pleasure. 

You smirk at his expression, so pitifully beautiful with want. “Have you ever touched yourself?” you ask, placing your hand over his that hasn’t let go of the couch. It takes you back when he flips his hand around to hold onto yours, clingy and wretched. His thumb brushes over your knuckles. Repulsed, you react quickly and take your hand away from him at his impulsive intimacy. It makes him frown with a meek whimper. 

He shakes his head slowly, looking down to his lap. “I can’t.” He knows he’s not allowed to. His father was adamant through his puberty that he mustn’t succumb to his body’s natural taste for sin. He was told that sometimes the devil had a funny way of sneaking into a man’s mind. That Satan would haunt boys in their sleep to wake them up with guilt of uncontrollable lust to be like him. 

“But you like when I do it, right?” You rest your head on his shoulder and look up at him. His eyes look from your face to the thin opening of your overalls where your chest can be seen from the angle. He bites down hard and nods slowly. You coo, moving your hand back to his still hard, clothed cock. “I can make it go away if you want. You want that?” 

He’s battling all the repressed things he’s been too afraid to explore; fearful of the swing of his parents belt he felt once long ago after being caught in a misunderstanding. In spite of it, he nods again. ���It hurts.. Please, help me.” His voice is so quiet. Even he doesn’t want to hear his own pathetic begging. 

Your fingers find the zipper of his jeans then you tug it down slowly as you stare at him. “You have to pull them down for me, okay? I can’t help you with just this.”

Sunghoon freezes for a second knowing he has control over being the one to take out his own cock. Yet apprehension leaves in a breath. Then he’s pulling the clothing down to his knees with frantic haste. You didn’t expect him to take everything off so fast but there’s a sense of pride in how eager you’ve made him become in such a short time. 

You weren’t sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t this. His cock is as beautiful as him. Pale and raging pink, crying at the tip much like his eyes. He’s also big, bigger than you knew dicks could be. You thought they’d be ugly, gross and worm-like. But his is clean and pretty. It’s your first time seeing one in person; you wouldn’t let him know that. 

You take him bare in your hands, feeling him like a foreign object. More curious of his body than in his pleasure in the moment. His body tenses then relaxes against the couch. A shaky, breathy moan leaves his lips. His eyes flutter at the contact of skin. 

You squeeze him, making his moan weakly again. It’s heavy in your hand. Truly just a stick of warm flesh. A part of you wants to squeeze him as hard as you can just to see if it can break, but you withhold on hurting him for now. Not wanting to scare him too much in hopes of exploring him further through the summer. 

Your hand wraps around the length as much as it can, pads of fingertips brushing over every vein and curve as you slowly move your hand up and down. When your thumb circles around his tip and flicks the leaking hole, his body lurches forward with a loud cry of a moan from him. You wonder if he’ll cum in the next few seconds of simply touching him. 

“I think you’re a slut for a little pleasure, Sunghoon.” You use your palm to gather his precum, circling over the tip to smear the thick cream around. Then you drag it back down himself, wetting his cock in his own prerelease. It slides easier now, your hand. You move faster, jerking him off in lazy, inexperienced motions. Not that he would know anyways. “You gave into lust so easily, didn’t you? Must’ve wanted this for so long. Your body’s nasty, eager for it.”

In his ears, you make the nasty words sound delicious. And he wants to devour more and more, like the starved man he is. His hips snap up into your hard, sudden and rough. You wrap your free arm over his shoulders, a hand sneaking up into his hair to tug aggressively on the thick dark locks. You’re pulling his head back, forcing him to look at you. “Don’t be a whore. I’m helping you. I didn’t say fuck my hand.” 

“Ahsh- I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he whines, tears burning his eyes, “it, it f-feels good. I feel so good.” His head falls to lean against yours, face burying into your hair. His head makes little shakes as he begins to cry, telling himself no, no. 

“Shut up...” You don’t like how close he is to you. You only like doing so to tease him, but when he does it, it makes you feel a fiery anger in your chest and belly. Uncomfortable. Smothering.

Your hand works in sloppy motions. Pumping his pulsing cock to reach his orgasm. At the tip your wrist makes flicks with your thumb, working him up further and further. 

He stutters out incoherent apologies into your hair throughout his sobs of wanton, whimpering moans. Everything about his body is sensitive to the new sensations. He can’t help but move his hips up into your hand, humping the small fist that’s fucking down onto him. 

Confused by the warm, tight feeling flexing of his abdomen he whines against you, “I can’t- I can’t take it. My body feels weird now. Mmph, ‘m sorry. I don’t know what’s h-happening.” His body feels volcanic, ready to burst. 

You continue your movements, jerking his reflexing length until he’s cumming into your hand. It’s a heavy load of thick, creamy mess. His voice is too close to your ear as he moans a drawn out needy sound. Your face remains plain while you pump him until he’s milked dry. His body flinches and curls into yours through the aftershocks, clearly overstimulated and over-sensitive. His arms snake around your waist to pull you against him.  

You stare down at your hand that was earlier covered in the blood of a lamb and now the cum of a virgin. It looks like fucking snot, you realize with repulse. Without thinking you bring your hand up and lick the strange release. Your face scowls at the unknown taste so you just wipe the rest on your overalls. “You are disgusting,” you mutter. 

Sunghoon remains silent aside from his sniffles, eyes peeking through his bangs to watch what you’re doing. He still hasn’t stopped clinging to your side, as if you could save him from his first lustful sin. 

You push yourself up and off the couch, his body slightly falls to the side where he was leaning on you but he catches himself. He watches you with sad, scared eyes. You stare blankly in return then look out the window to see the group of men walking around the picnic table they ate at earlier. 

“Farmhands will be leaving soon. Clean yourself up in the bathroom.” You don’t spare him another look, you just walk to the front door, unlock it, and leave. You ignore the way he looked like a sad abandoned puppy. Something about it angered you in the same way he was being clingy. 

You walk back to your house with a slight skip to your steps. As you step through your front door, you’re about to head upstairs to your room but stop in your tracks because your mother speaks.

“Hate him all ya want,” your mothers words slur, she speaks slowly and tired-like, “but he was a good man. He used to love me… And then you came along.” You turn to the living room on your left where your mother lays on the couch, wine glass in hand and eyes heavy lidded. “I know what yer capable of. I’ve seen the things ya do on this farm, in this home.. When ya think no one is watching.. He just might be right about you.” You glare at her now. “There is something evil in ya, child. Leave that boy outta yer wickedness.” 

Her wine glass falls to the floor from her fingers and she groans, turning to her side. You stare at her for a moment before walking up to your room. 

Meanwhile Sunghoon spends his next 20 minutes in a spiral of guilt and shame. He cleans himself up in the restroom like you told him to. Then waits, watching outside the window for when the boys are gathered around the truck they drove in from the bus stop to leave in. It was hard for him to get the tears to end. He fell right into sin’s lustful trap and it made him feel so- No, it only made him feel hurt. Stupid. Bad. 

On his bus ride back into the city he prays. Sitting in back, alone with his indignity, and head bowed low so no one could see his red rimmed, glossy eyes. Time goes by so fast that he nearly misses his stop to get off. 

He ignores his roommate when he’s home. Jake, excited and curious of Sunghoon’s first day, is left cold. Sunghoon showers for longer than usual. He scrubs so harshly at his skin he turns red; unable to feel clean no matter how much he washes. He doesn’t eat dinner because he feels he doesn’t deserve to. He gets into bed earlier than most days too. He tries to sleep but the day haunts him, keeping him awake. 

He’s up all night in tears, face in his pillow with the blanket thrown over his head, trying to hide from He who watches. The begs of forgiveness seem endless. 

“Dear God,” he whimpers, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” He doesn’t sleep much that night because he can’t find it in himself to stop humping into his mattress in hopes to chase and achieve the feeling you gave him earlier. His hips rock his aching hard cock into the bed, anguished yet titillated. “Please, forgive me. Forgive me. I’m so sorry.” He continues to cry, drowning in his pillow, knowing he will do it again. 

　The next day on the farm is an early morning for everyone. Sunghoon sits quietly in the truck with the other summer volunteer farmharms. They talk amongst each other about the day’s schedule of duties and tasks. He struggles to keep his eyes open, head leaning against the window despite its bumps from the uneven dirt road. He thought about calling it quits on the whole job after yesterday, but couldn’t bring himself to. It’s for selfish reasons too. The ones that deepen his guilt. 

The arrival to the farm is quicker than anticipated. Sunghoon forces himself to be more alert and awake, starting to pick up on the conversations between the others as he exits the parked truck. 

“Do you think it’s still hanging there?” One says. “The lamb of slaughter?” Another dumbly asks with a snort. “Well yeah, dipshit. You guys think that girl did it? She was weird as hell.” A third voice chimes in, “Being covered in blood and then leaving a dead animal hanging from a tree is creepy as fuck. The lady was right, stay the hell away from her.” He laughs. The others walk away in continuous chatter, leaving Sunghoon by the truck. 

Sunghoon is confused by this conversation and deeply disturbed. He doesn’t follow or press them with questions though. But it will give him much to think about for the day. He’s so exhausted from the lack of sleep, he wonders if he even heard them all correctly at all. Yeah, your whole introduction was strange but killing an animal and acting like nothing happened and then toying with him on the same day? Was all that really something a girl like you would do? He can’t say for sure because he doesn’t know you. 

He goes about his morning tasks lazily. His mind is too busy with the thoughts of you. He thinks of when or if he’ll see you today. You haven’t shown around the farm all day. It’s only an hour before noon, he tries to rationalize with himself. He still ponders throughout his work. What time will you come? Will you mysteriously show up like yesterday? Will you touch him again? Will you let him feel good? Is he forgivable or going to burn in hell for wanting more?

He shakes his head to rid it of the thoughts. Perhaps he’s too hopeful. After lunch time he goes back to the farmers lodge to take a nap. At least that’s the realistic excuse he used. He struggles to even fall asleep because he’s so anxious about listening for any sound of you possibly coming back here. 

His eyes, sullen and tired, just can’t stay open after half an hour of waiting. So eventually he does fall asleep. You never show up. When he wakes up from his long needed nap he somehow feels worse knowing you didn’t visit than he did committing his first sin. 

The following day of work is a repeat. He doesn’t see you at all yet you occupy all of his thoughts. He thinks badly of himself for many reasons. 

　On the fourth day, you finally decide it’s time to check up on the poor boy. You watched Sunghoon mope around the farm for two days and it was cute at first but you’re getting bored again. You did like how his eyes were always searching around, hopeful that every sound he heard from behind or around corners was you. Knowing you had such an effect on him made you wonder how much more you could do to him. 

From the window of your room, you watch when they all arrive. Your mother greets them like she does in the mornings and gives them all tasks that need to be completed for the day. It’s Thursday which means she’ll be out for a few hours to go into town and sort out business for products: cow and goat milk processing for cheeses and soaps. At least you assume considering you overheard her phone call about such the day prior. 

You spend the morning around the house, reading and snacking on fruits, waiting for your mother to leave so you can proceed with your plan. There was some effort into your appearance today. You wear a spaghetti strapped white babydoll dress, lined at the bottom with sewn embroideries. It’s simple and flows nicely above your knees when you walk. You hate it because it alludes to soft purity but at least it feels good to dress light in the summer heat. And it might make you all the more approachable to feeble Sunghoon. 

After about an hour, your mother finally leaves. You give it about 10 minutes before you’re shoving on your boots and leaving the house. Some of the blood from earlier in the week still stains the brown leather; you did clean them off but clearly not to the best extent. You’re okay with that though, it seems prettier this way to you. 

Looking and walking around the property, you see the scattered farmhands busy with different things. The sun isn’t kind today, it’s piercing in brightness and temperature. The sweat begins to seep from your pores in a matter of minutes, making you feel sticky. You run a hand through your tangled hair, fingers getting caught in unbrushed knots that you yank through anyways. You don’t see Sunghoon anywhere that’s directly under the sun. You continue to search around the farm, gaining a few cautious looks from the other workers. As you walk past their gazes you wear a wry smile with a tilt to your head. They look away quickly after being caught staring. 

Some wandering in and out of the different barns and coops are done. He wasn’t in any of them though.  You greet the animals you pass by and give pats to some of the cows. “Have you guys seen him nearby? I’m not a fan of hide and seek.” You mumble to one of the goats, scratching lightly beneath its chin while it chews away at grains and hay. It maas in return. You pull your hand back out from the stable then leave to continue the manhunt. 

It’s when you’re walking by the horses’ stables that you see they’ve already been cared for, telling you that someone was here already. You glance to the smaller shed nearby, having a suspicious inkling that it's where Sunghoon is. You walk to the shed and see yourself inside. And he is. He has his back turned to you, standing at a work bench table and cleaning something off. 

You walk up behind him, the sound of your footsteps being dulled by the scattered hay on the wooden floors; he doesn’t notice that you entered the space, clearly lost in his own thoughts. You tap his shoulder which makes him spin around in surprise, dropping the brushes he was cleaning. 

Sunghoon’s eyes are wide at the sight of you standing so close to him. You can tell he’s lost sleep by the dark circles around his eyes and how his complexion is impossibly paler. His mouth is stuttering to find words, opening and closing. 

You step closer to him and he steps back, his backside now pressing against the table. It wobbles on the uneven wooden stilts that hold it up. Reflexively, his hands reach back to hold onto the table, but he’s using it for his own stability. You simply stand there in between his legs, staring up at his face and taking in all the details that differ from the last time you saw him. He swallows, quietly watching your face in return. 

“I haven’t seen you around.” Sunghoon speaks first, his voice a soft surrender. You feel his breath on your face. 

“I know. I saw you though. You missed me.” You state bluntly, taking note of the little fangs he has for teeth. He probably bites good, you think, licking the back of your own teeth. 

“If you saw me then why didn’t you…” he trails off into a quiet again, closing his eyes for a moment with a sigh. “I wouldn’t call it that.” His eyes open again as he feels your hands on his chest, sliding up his white tank and underneath the sleeves of his denim jacket to his shoulders. He bites down, suddenly stiff. 

Ignoring his response you continue, “How can you wear this when it’s so warm out?” Your hands slide over his shoulders and down his toned arms, the jacket slips down to reveal the toned limbs. Your eyebrows raise at the sight yet your face remains relatively blank. “You’ve got muscle. Good for farm work.” Small hands continue to run over the smooth milk-like skin, learning every curve of his lean built physique. It’s not sexual, just exploratory. 

Sunghoon sucks in a breath, watching you inspect him. He begins to feel flustered, relishing in the contact of skin on his. You notice his tense body and ask him if it’s okay, to which replies a raspy stutter, “Y-yeah.” Your hands slide down his arms and back up to his shoulders. Then down his chest and body to stop at the waistline of his jeans. He has a nice body; he must be athletic. You don’t care to ask in what ways. Your fingers dip into his jeans just slightly to pull him in closer to you, he gasps, his growing cock pressing against your stomach. 

“Sunghoon,” You ridicule him, tsking under your breath at the pressure you feel of his arousal. “Already?” You look up at him but he can’t meet your eyes, feeling embarrassed. You play with the waistline, your fingertips running back and forth between the denim and his skin. “Is this sinning?” It’s a soft question yet mocking. He only shakes his head, nervously gnawing at his bottom lip. “Do you want to?” He whimpers, slowly nodding his head. You take your hands off him, crossing your arms. “You have to tell me. Look at me and tell me.” 

He looks back at you dispirited. He knows that you know what he wants. And here you are making him admit it outloud, both to you and God. “Please.” He begs quietly, hoping it only reaches your ears and not the sky’s. “I want you.” 

There’s that feeling again. The lit match that falls from your throat to the gasoline of your stomach that erupts in flames. Fire to your abdomen and loins; it’s an angry feeling, sparked by his honest admit of want, and for you specifically. You watch him with narrowed eyes while mumbling, “you revolt me.” 

He doesn’t reply to your venomous insult. It stings to hear the degrading words in both his heart and pants; he thinks himself disgraceful too. 

You drop to your knees, hands finding place back on his jeans to undo his zipper. He stares down at you in bated breath, hands still gripping tight on the table behind him. His are pulled down slowly, purposely so. You watch him writher, body and face. “Did you do it again?” you question, looking up at him from below. He would never avow to how the sight of you on your knees alone makes him ache all the more. 

He wants to tear his eyes away from you but he can’t. The image of you in your white dress on the ground before him needs to be burned into his memory. He stutters a mumble of words but you don’t catch anything, if he even said a coherent response at all. You ask again, pinching his thigh. He tries to hum over the strained noise in the back of his throat, “Yes.. I mean no! B-but I didn’t touch myself.”

You try not to giggle, biting the inside of your cheek. Knowing he wanted to feel that way again but couldn’t on his own gave you a funny sense of power over him. One of your hands traces the outline of his hard cock through his boxer briefs. “You make a mess?” He shivers at the feeling of your breath on his suffocating length. He breathes out a ‘no’ while you lick a strip over the material. “Why not? I showed you how.”

He moans softly, trying not to let his hips chase after the feeling that he’s been after for days. “You know I can’t,” he exhales. You roll your eyes, mouthing and licking at him languidly. Your hands are still half tugging at the material that keeps him hidden. A faint pool of precum quickly stains his boxers. 

“Sunghoon,” you look up at him with your chin resting on the bulge. He swallows hard, acknowledging you with a hum. “You will never be free from it. The sin I let you taste will forever linger on the tip of your tongue, begging and licking to taste more in crave. No holy blessed water can possibly cleanse you even if you drown in it.” 

His bottom lip pouts out with a little droning whine. He should defend himself, say that his faith is stronger than he is and that his soul is saveable by mercy. But a part of him also feels that doesn’t want to be. His eyes begin to well with tears. 

“Not even a god could make you pure again,” you give him a small smile and pat his naked thigh before pulling down his underwear. His cock now free slaps his stomach to which he breathes out heavily. You grab him with both hands, giving him one last look before taking the leaking head into your mouth. Hands working on him steadily. 

“T-that’s dirty!” he leans forward with a low sounding moan, his hands on your head and in your hair. Your eyes go wide at this. “Why would you put that in your mouth?!” he gasps, the warm wetness around his tip making him dizzy. “This is so vulgar, oh God, forgive me.” he cries, not pulling your mouth off of him but holding you there. 

You circle your tongue around the tip and over his leaking slit, licking the beads of precum that leak out. It makes your grimace before you lean back, a wet pop as your mouth leaves. “Enough of your penitence, and take your hands off me.” It sounds like a warning to which he complies without question, only a hushed apology. He’s the one who wants to be touched anyways, not you. 

You take him into your mouth again, your lips wrap around him in a painful stretch to accommodate his size. He sits heavy on your tongue that lays flat underneath, doing what you can with it. Your hands at the base work around him, jerking and squeezing him like you did before. You weren’t really sure what you were doing, mainly just mocking the actions you read about in books. It seems to be working for Sunghoon regardless because he can barely hold himself together. Whining and whimpering through fat tears, whole body shuddering from the overwhelming wet heat of your mouth. 

His jaw goes slack, mouth hung open only to elicit a breathless moan. His head rolls back on his neck and his eyes flutter to a close. The feeling of your mouth wrapping around him is hot heaven. His body trembles with the new, sweeping sensation. Stomach already tight with contracting muscles. He thinks he could pass out. 

Watching his face, him, discover and feel pleasurable sin is slightly euphoric to you. You’ve seen it in movies and read of it in books, but it was something you never quite fully explored yourself. There’s been a few instances that you did touch yourself; it always felt empty or like something was always missing. There’s little to no excitement when doing it alone in shameful hiding. Witnessing, causing such debauchery is different somehow. Safer in ways you didn’t dwell in thought on. You do wish he would stop crying about it, you find it pathetic of him in a provoked way. 

Involuntarily, he thrusts himself down your throat with a guttural groan. You gag and cough around him, tears sting your eyes that make you squeeze them shut—refusing to let a single one dare to escape. Now it felt like a challenge. One to which you wouldn’t back down in fear of looking weak. 

Your hands hold his thighs roughly, bruisingly so if you had the strength. You move his body in a small back and forth motion, encouraging him to continue his movements. You’re looking up at him with glazed over eyes and a slight nod. He chokes a sob at the sight, you on your knees not to pray but to devour him.

“Ah, I- I’m sorry. Your mouth is so wet, so warm.” He starts off with shallow thrusts, dragging his cock along your wet muscle. His hips stutter while his world seems to be crashing down. “This is so dirty. You look so dirty. And—ngh—it’s.. it’s so good. It’s so good,” he babbles, pushing himself as far down into your mouth as he can. His tip kisses the back of your throat making you gag around him. Your nails digging into the flesh of his strong legs. He can’t stop moaning and whimpering, becoming a slave to pleasure. 

He watches your face. Hollowed cheeks sucking and swallowing around him, the tightness of your throat around him hugging and contracting through chokes that reverberate your body to his cock. The spit that leaks from your lips and all over him is obscene, such a sinful mess. He so badly wants to grab your head and force himself down further, but his nails dig into the wood of the table instead. 

“Hm, I can’t—” he moans your name, thrusting rougher now. His whole body crumbling in on itself, chasing the feeling of release. 

Then there’s the sound of footsteps and a few voices that follow. Sunghoon sucks in a deep breath, taking a fist to his mouth to bite down onto. He looks at you in fear because of the proximity of the other farmhands right outside. This only makes you smirk around him, a glint of evil in your eyes. He shakes his head hurriedly, stopping his movements—as if that would make you both disappear. 

You push yourself off his cock, licking over your cracked and saliva covered lips. You bring a finger to your lips and shush him. “Be quiet or they’ll find out what a nasty whore you are. Unless you want that.” Your voice is quiet and raspy from the abuse of him fucking himself down your throat. You stare into his eyes intently before taking him back in. He glances from you to the door of the shed, his body shaking. 

You slurp and suck him up, purposely loud and sloppy. A hand jerking off the base that doesn’t quite fit in your mouth. He cries quietly with his mouth open, meek and desperate sounds escape that he can’t withhold. “Please…” He’s whimpering, begging for something that he doesn’t know the context of. 

“Do you think the extra feed is in this one?” A voice questions, the door being opened just a crack. 

Sunghoon quickly tries to bend down for his jeans but you slap his hand away, pushing him back into the table. You grip his thighs and force yourself to take all of him down. You gag around him, eyes never leaving his panicky and fucked out face. His face silently begs for you that enough is enough but you don’t stop, because a part of you knows he doesn’t want you to either. 

“It doesn’t hurt to check, does it?” The other replies with a light chuckle. “Could take a break for some shade too while we’re at it.” The door opens slowly with an agonizing creak, sunlight barely pouring. 

Each passing second feels like an eternity to him. The door is still only cracked, not enough for them to see inside but it’s cutting it close. His cock twitches at the thought of being caught with his dick down the throat of the farmer’s daughter. A blazing adrenaline rushes through him. 

Sunghoon can’t bear it any longer. His hands find purchase on the back of your head, pushing himself completely into your mouth. His hips stutter with a whimper on his lips as the hot cum pours down your throat. “Ah, sh- ngh!” You smack at his legs for him to release the hold, choking for air to breathe. You instinctively swallow around him, consuming his load of sin.  

“You dumbass! The horses are already fed, let’s just go for a water break.” The door slams back on itself to a close. Their footsteps can be heard walking away. 

Sunghoon breathes heavily, letting go of you. His body instantly relaxing back with his elbows on the table to support him. Meanwhile you fall onto your ass, a hand around your throat while you gasp for air through rough coughs. “What the fuck did I say about putting your hands on me?” You rasp before coughing again. The taste of him sits on the back of your tongue no matter how much you swallow. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “we shouldn’t get caught.” He pulls his pants and boxers back up then extends a hand to you, an offering to help you stand back up. 

You scoff, ignoring his hand and stand up on your own. You brush the dirt and stray strands of hay from your knees. “Whatever. We both got what we wanted.” You start to turn for the door to leave the shed with the thought of brushing your teeth in mind. 

Sunghoon, confused as to what you could’ve gotten out of helping him, just reaches for your hand. He grabs you and pulls you back to look at him. His eyes are sad, maybe even a little afraid by your haste to leave. “Y-you’re just going to leave me again?” He sounds broken by the fact. 

“What?” You can’t help but breathe a laugh, “Did you expect me to do more?” You ask with raised brows. 

“No! No, not like that.. But..” He swallows his pride, “I- I don’t know. Just don’t leave yet. Please.” 

You blink at him, scanning his features like a robot in calculation. The pleading of his expression and his words aggravate you. A fiery burning to your insides and the skin that he touches, that he reached for. You look down to his tight grip on your hand before yanking it away. You don’t say anything more, and neither does he. He wipes his eyes from whatever salty wetness is still there. 

A moment of silence solidifies your decision. You beckon him to follow you out and he does. 

For the rest of his work day you remain. You try not to think about why. But subconsciously you know it’s because for the first time someone willingly wants to be by your side. At first you imagine it’s because of what you’ve done for him—gave him what any man desires: pleasure. A man falling into temptation is far too easy. 

Though he doesn’t ask for more and he doesn’t bring it up. Almost like it never happened. 

It seems like he really just wants to be around you. There’s little said between each other. It’s just idle farm work with company. And it’s more peaceful than you expected it to be. He didn’t touch you, question you, or do much at all to bother you in general. 

Sometimes he stares at you, but you do the same to him. He even gives a sheepish smile when he catches you; it doesn’t get returned. That doesn’t bother him though. He thinks you look beautiful on the farm in your dress with dirt covered hands and hair messy from the wind. He hopes to tell you that one day but for now he stays shy, still weary and afraid. 

The sun shines relentlessly unless a cloud mercifully passes by. The breeze is rare yet kind. The animals make their sounds to sing a collective song. The trees and crops sway like waving hands of hellos and goodbyes, depending on where you’re headed to or from. It’s not so bad. 

　Two weeks go by. Time flies by for both you and Sunghoon. He comes to work during the week, and he spends his weekends missing you. He doesn’t know what you two are to each other, and he’s too scared to ask. There’s definitely been changes to the dynamic, however. Subtly so. You still don’t smile, or let him touch you. You roll your eyes and insult him if he’s too emotional. But you’re there. 

Certainly not everyday, but most, you spend his work days with him. It’s easier to be around one another. There can be small talk, usually about the farm or the weather. Still much to be learned about on a personal level, but he’s fine with the pace of the relationship (outside of the unholy acts that are committed). Sometimes you even end up helping him. Or at least he thinks of it that way. In reality you don’t like how he does things and take over to do it yourself. 

You still tease him in your cruel ways. Always ending with him in a mess because he’s easily worked up by your handsy curiosity. He caves into you every time because he can’t fight the divinity that you show him. 

There are other times where you confuse him. You suggest a water break knowing he’d gone hours without hydration under the summer heat. You insist on having him take a break under a roof away from the sun when his skin gets too sweaty or red. Which is followed by a reminder that sunscreen is important if he wishes to keep his milky complexion. It’s critical statements that you provide him, but he can’t help to think it’s a weird way of showing you care. 

Sure, it could be seen as you selfishly saying these things because it’s what you want for yourself, but in the back of his mind he’s very aware of how you watch and cater to him. It makes his heart jump every time and butterflies swarm his stomach. He can’t help it. The little things, the small acts of kindness—that you might not even intend—make him delusionally overthink. 

On the third weekend since starting his summer job, Jake can’t help all the questions he’s been building up and dying to ask. Jake doesn’t understand what Sunghoon has been going through, especially when his moods change so drastically. At first, Sunghoon was self isolating and pouty, clearly in his own head and sulking. But then he would come home from work beaming with an afterglow to his aura. And then on the weekends he was back to his reclusive, depressed state. 

Sick of being left out of Sunghoon’s inner turmoil, Jake finally pesters his friend. 

“When are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Jake stands in the doorway of Sunghoon’s room, staring at his friend who’s laying face down in his bed. 

“I don’t know…” Sunghoon’s words are muffled in his pillow. 

Jake walks in with a sigh and sits at the end of the bed. He playfully slaps Sunghoon’s leg. “Dude, just tell me. You’re obviously going through something. You know I can keep a secret. I won’t judge.” 

Sunghoon rolls over on his back, his hands clasped together over his stomach as he stares up to the ceiling. He confides in Jake, telling his story from the beginning of when he first met you. He stutters over his words when he admits to the sinful acts he partook in with you. He tells Jake of his guilty conscience and how he enjoyed indulging in the feelings. Then he tells Jake about how he simply likes your company even without the sexual circumstances involved. How he’s mystified by your complex personality and only wishes to know you more. However, he does leave out the viciousness of your nature, since a part of him doesn’t quite believe in it. 

“It seems like you’re starting to develop a crush.” Jake laughs lightly, “And if it’s about religion, don’t overthink it too much. Nobody dies completely pure.” He reassures him. “You should show her more of you. That you like her too.” 

Sunghoon groans and covers his face at the terrifying suggestion. If only you were that easy to approach in such a vulnerable way. “I guess… I’ll consider it.” 

The next day is Sunday. Jake and Sunghoon attend church as normal. Sunghoon participates less in his prayers and songs than usual. His mind is too preoccupied with all he has going on in life. He feels guilt and frustration. 

Sunghoon, lost in his own world, fails to realize that his best friend—Jake—battles something similar internally. 

You’re never as alone as you think you are if you take a better look around. Everyone is riddled with their own self disgust, guilt, or shame. How else would the churches be so full? 

　Entering the fourth week of summer should feel easier than it does for Sunghoon. The work seems to be picking up regarding responsibilities. The weather is only becoming less forgivable. The peak is yet to hit, but that only means the seasonal storms are right around the corner. More care is needed in the fields and barns in terms of protection in case of unpredictable weather. 

Aside from the work, Sunghoon is anxious because of you. He hasn’t seen you yet today and he feels nervous about it. Perhaps he has grown too clingy, finding close comfort in knowing you’re there with him on the farm. There’s a sense of safety when you’re in the line of sight; you make things easier for him and he enjoys the presence. 

While he’s watering plants and checking the sprinklings through the fields, an older man approaches him. It’s a familiar face that he’s seen around a few times over the past month. The man waves with a smile and Sunghoon does the same. 

“It’s amazing what you’ve done, boy.” The man begins, Sunghoon questions where he’s going with the start because he’s just an extra hand of help and doesn’t feel he’s accomplished or improved the farm in drastic ways. “I’ve worked here, hm, well I’ll be damned! Nearly 15 years! And I’ve never once seen that farm girl talk to anyone. Much less spend time.” the man chuckles. 

“Oh!” Sunghoon blushes and hopes it’s only mistaken as feverish from the summer. He smiles small and stares down to the bundle of plants he brought with him to the farm today. He feels special knowing this much of you. “She’s something…” 

“Sometimes I’d see her talk to herself and the animals.” The man pulls out a cigarette and lighter to smoke. “She’d walk around aimlessly like a ghost. Used to scare the hell outta me.” As he laughs, smoke escapes his lungs. He wheezes a little before continuing, “But now she follows and watches you like she’s worshipin’. If only she did the same with her daddy. Although with a face like yours, I can’t blame the girl.” 

“Pardon? What do you mean by that?” Sunghoon, bemused, watches the man smoke and laugh between weak coughs. “She has a dad?” His last question is overroad by the man who speaks over him. 

“You keep up your work, kid. I outta get back to mines too.” And then he’s walking away with a low chuckle, shaking his head to himself. 

Sunghoon’s aware of your mother. He always thought it was just the two of you running things. He’s never once seen a man, your father, leave the house or so much so be around it. This gives him more to think about, especially on the fact that he still doesn't know much about you at all. You’re still an enigma to him, but he wants everything. 

By the afternoon when all the guys are finishing up their break, you finally come out of the house. With the sound of the front door opening, Sunghoon is quick to straighten his posture and find your eyes. You’re already looking at him, watching him and his surroundings with no expression. His cheeks burn and he can’t help the smile forming on his lips. 

Two and a half days without seeing you feels like so much longer. 

He stands up from the picnic table, grabbing his newspaper wrapped bundle of greenery and shyly hiding it behind his back. He walks over to you, tripping over his feet as he approaches the porch steps to the house. You stand there in front of the door but at the top of the few stairs, arms crossed and amused. 

He’s diffident, arms behind him and modestly attempting to hide how nervous he feels on the inside. His stomach is doing flips, his heart racing. On top of already sweating. He feels like he could throw up his lunch right in front of your feet. He swallows thickly before slowly bringing his hands out in front of himself. 

“I,” he clears his throat, “ehem, I got these for you.” With outstretched arms, the bundle of flowers shake in his trembling hands. He suddenly feels he’s too nervous to even meet your eyes, so he watches the chipped paint wood of the front porch steps. 

You just stand there, watching him with wide eyes and your heart in your throat. Your mouth is lost for words, glancing around at the few farmhands who haven’t left yet and are staring at Sunghoon’s exchange in a similar bewilderment. Some are trying to keep themselves from bursting out into laughter.

“Are you some kind of stupid?” You whisper harshly for only him to hear, snatching the flowers out of his hands. “Why the hell would you do this?” Your words like your tone are mean, but in your chest there’s a raging pounding. It’s a seething raw emotion that doesn’t know how to be dealt with. You’ve only just stepped out of the house and your body feels like it’s inside a furnace. 

Sunghoon’s head shoots back up to look at you, his face and heart drop. “I-I’ve never had a girlfriend before so I wasn’t sure what to do.. This is what boyfriends do, right?” He takes a hand to scratch at the back of his head. Inner turmoil takes over and he thinks he’s fucked up. He bites at his lip, doing his best not to instantly cry in regret. 

You notice this and sigh, irritated. You look from the neatly wrapped white roses and tulips and back to Sunghoon. “So you are stupid,” you mumble before taking your own bottom lip between your teeth. A part of you wants to sneer, but you spin on your heels to hide the warmth that floods your face in substitution. “I’m throwing them away,” you announce, opening the door and walking back inside your house. 

Sunghoon, broken, just drops his head and turns back. A few of the farmhands are snickering from not too far away, chattering among each other and eyeing Sunghoon. He wishes God would smite him on the spot from the humiliation. 

Wanting to avoid everything for a little while, he thinks of heading to the lodge to lay down in hiding. But before he can walk away, the front door of your house swings open once more. He glances back at you, meeting your eyes like he always seems to do. 

“Done for the day already?” You call over to him, now leaning over the banister of the porch with crossed arms. 

Sunghoon, unable to refute you, offers a weak smile and shakes his head. “No.” 

He walks back over to you and you meet him halfway. You don’t say anything else. You don’t bring up the fact that he had bought you flowers or confused the odd relationship you share for dating. It’s cute in all its blind innocence, but that just goes to show you that you have more work to do with him. 

You don’t think of messing with him today. He’s distinctly grown too clingy with how much time you’ve spent with him. Yet you can’t ignore him either. The two of you carry out the rest of the day’s farm work in silence. The inner fury you feel with him doesn’t seem to go away, despite how he hasn’t said much or even brushed skin with you. 

You don’t know how you’re remaining pacific by his side. The rampaging of your heart strings tug like a screaming instrument just from being next to him. How he can keep walking tall, stare at you when he thinks you aren’t looking, or even smile at you is beyond what you know is capable of humans. Men like him only existed in books and movies. You wonder if he’s perhaps playing a game like you.

By the time he’s in the truck to go back to town to catch a bus into the city, you’re sitting at the lake dock. Criss crossed legs, a bouncing knee, and fingernails being ripped at by your teeth. You stare blankly at the water, hoping for that sense of serenity to encapsulate you. It never seems to come. It just feels cold.

So you decide on punishing him for making you feel this way. 

You don’t leave your house for the next three days. You don’t make yourself known, heard or seen. However, you’re peeking out every window of your house to get any chance of a view of him. You hate yourself for being so curious of him in the first place. What was supposed to be good fun has only left you feeling angry. Taking his innocence was never going to heal you, or even make him like yourself. In fact, it’s making you sicker.

And on the night of the fourth Thursday, you’re laying in bed staring at your ceiling. A stuffed animal is hugged tightly to your chest. You can’t sleep and you can’t stop thinking about someone for the first time in your life. No amount of tossing and turning, counting sheep, or button presses to your distorted singing, stuffed bear made it easier. 

Somehow, you ended up punishing yourself. You always had a knack for that, historically, but this time felt different. It actually kind of hurt. Being alone came naturally to you, but tonight it hits you just how lonely you’ve always been. 

　Friday, the farmhands are huddled on the front porch of your house. All the animals are safely away in their designated homes thanks to their help. It started to storm in a heavy downpour only minutes ago. What started out as a dark gray gloom and windy rain quickly turned into an early flooded property, illuminated by strikes of flashing lightning and roaring thunder. 

You stand dry under the protection of the porch roof by the front door. Watching and listening to your mother suggest the shaking cold, soaked men take shelter in the lodge until the sky lets up so they can head home. 

Sunghoon hasn’t spared a look to you all day, but you know that he feels his eyes on you. It’s in the way he shifts awkwardly amongst the men that ignore him. How his eyes are trained low and unfocused yet always trying to move in your direction. His wet hair falls over his face, concealing his emotions you wish to dissect. He comes off as stoic but you know he wears his heart on his sleeve; how his body language speaks volumes. 

Your mother pushes past you to get back inside, saying she’ll check the basement for a spare heater that the boys could use at the lodge. There’s something in you that makes you move without thinking. Suddenly a hand is tugging at the bottom of Sunghoon’s damp jacket for his attention. The material is too thin for this weather and the thought of him becoming sick crosses your mind. 

“It’s warmer here,” your words, for once, came out soft. Too much so, being lost in the cracking sound of thunder. He looks at you through his bangs. The wave of alleviation from whatever he was dealing with is palpable. His eyes and body almost look relaxed. You tug him towards you once more, insinuating that he follows you. 

He does. Like whatever subconscious emotion made you approach him also made him follow you in. As he steps in, he notices the indistinguishable vibes of the farmer’s lodge. It’s updated and cleaner, but similar in aesthetics. A shotgun sits leaning up against the wall by the front door. His brows furrow and eyes narrow. “Those aren’t safe to have lying around…” he mumbles. 

You tug him towards the staircase to walk up, “It’s protection. Only my mother and I are here,” is mumbled back as you lead him up the wooden, creaking stairs. Your feet move light and quick, like a mouse in a home not theirs. If your mother saw you, there would be unnecessary consequences. And the possibility of your father’s involvement would only worsen such. 

Sunghoon cautiously steps into your bedroom, his body tenses at the sound of you shutting and locking the door. He feels on edge, wrapping his arms around his shivering body and soaked clothes. You move around him to sit on your bed, telling him to remove his sopping attire. He does so with shaking hands, leaving him in nothing but his underwear. He shyly looks around the room while using his hands to cover his manhoon. 

His eyes scan over you, sitting quietly on your bed with a look of contemplation that stares past him. A wooden cross hangs on the wall above your bed, the dark wood matches the decadent bed frame. The nightstand nearby has a pile of books and journals with a low light lamp and unlit candle. 

The large window has sheer white curtains drawn open and a vase on the windowsill. A glass vase filled with the flowers he gave you earlier in the week. His heart aches at the sight of the still healthy white roses and tulips, and a smile graces his lips. You liar! You kept them! Is what runs through his thoughts. 

Without Sunghoon realizing, you got up to grab a towel and drape over the back of his shoulders. He’s taken aback by your ghost-like actions, but offers you a small smile of appreciation. “Thanks…” 

You nod for response and glance from him to the vase of flowers he was lost in thought over. You didn’t have it in to explain yourself, mostly because you didn’t understand why you had done so either. 

He dries himself off and finds a place to sit at the end of your bed. You’re on the other end with your back pressed to the headboard, watching him, counting every mole you can find on his pale canvas. The stuffed animal you sleep with is being mindlessly fumbled around in your hands. 

Sunghoon turns to face you directly, he reaches a hand out, eyes shifting from your face and the winged bear. You shoot him a mean look at first, only holding it closer to yourself before your face softens to slowly extend it out to him. 

He takes it with careful hands and looks down to inspect the old toy. Its cream colored fur is dirtied and matted with age. The holographic satin wings on the back have loose stitching and its halo is crooked. Across the chest of the bear reads ‘Jesus Loves Me’ but it’s obvious the sewn name Jesus has been ripped away at. One paw has a red heart embroidered saying ‘press me’. His thumb brushes over the button heart before pressing down. The bear sings in a distorted happy voice the lullaby of Jesus loves me. 

“His name is Saint Michael,” you say quietly and he almost doesn’t catch it. Sunghoon can only breathe a laugh because he finds the dichotomy cute. You almost laugh too, but bite your tongue and look back to your empty hands. You don’t know it but he can see you try to fight your little smile. To him, this moment means more than anything; he’s starting to see you’re more tender than you realize. It brings him a sense of surety in knowing that he can break you like you to do him. 

Silly as it may seem for a troubled girl, the bear was the only comfort you had throughout childhood. There was no kindness from your father, no solace from your mother, no guide in knowing life or love. But there was Saint Michael, the stuffed angel bear; he may not have defended you in battle but he hugged you back, and that was enough to cherish him like a deity. 

Sunghoon crawls across the bed and sits himself next to you, too close for your liking, but you don’t push him away. He hands the stuffie back to you and you place it on the nightstand to face away from you. You lower yourself in the bed, shuffling under the covers of the blanket and he does the same. His skin naked bare yearns for more warmth, yours specifically. 

You feel him turn on his side next to you, pressing up against you despite there being enough space on the bed. His movements are awkward and nervous like he is. You feel a certain pressure against your thigh that isn’t his bones or limbs. You spare him a glance, he doesn’t know if it’s a warning or dare. 

“...Have I ruined you?” You wonder aloud, looking back to the ceiling. 

“No,” he answers quickly, shaking his head against your shoulder. The way he’s missed you in his desire to touch you, hands tingling with want to snake around your waist and pull you in tight. “I think I just want you all the time now. I can’t help it, m’sorry.” He sounds ashamed in his soft mumbles. 

“I’ll only keep stripping all that purity from you. Once it’s mine it’ll remain mine, you know that right?” You look back at him before brushing some of his drying hair from his eyes. He tries to lean up into the touch but your hand is taken back. “And I will pretend it’s healing all that’s missing from me. Do you really want to be mine, Sunghoon?” Your words are so gentle yet laced with threat. 

“Yes,” he exhales, “I want to be yours. Let me be yours please.” It’s hushed, a secret prayer with hope. His hips push further into the skin of your leg, where the hip meets the thigh. He wouldn’t mind going to Hell if it meant more time with you. 

“You beg like a needy barn animal in heat.” You use a hand to cup his face, he sighs into the hold as he eyes flutter to a close. You push your leg in between his, terribly close to his exposed and vibrating body. “So hump me like one.” 

“W-what?” he stutters out before licking over his lips, his thighs squeezing around the plush of yours now trapped in his. His eyes already wet with desperate want, staring back at yours.

“Do it. Like it’s mating season and you want to claim me before anyone else.” 

A cracked voice whine falls from his lips and he begins to roll his growing bulge against you. You watch as he sucks in breaths between quiet breathy moans. His pink, plump lips pursing and falling open. His eyes try to stay on your face, how close you are to him, but they fall shut sometimes in his basking of rapture. It’s a slutty sight of a faith-sickened boy. 

He loves the little to no proximity that there is. His hands find place on your waist, and he’s aware of how that makes you feel, but he can’t stop it. He wants more and more of you. His hands slide up under your shirt, the feeling on your bare skin in his hands makes his body shudder. Untouched, warm flesh for his large hands to explore and learn every curve of. 

Even you stiffen at his exploration, holding in your breath as if you’ve forgotten how to breathe. Your shirt lifts up more with his hands and the exposure is daunting like you’re revealing your insides. 

The pit of your stomach lights up and you're frozen under his clutch. The pads of his fingers hold you so tight as if he’s scared you’ll disappear. His cock is raging and you can feel every pulse of blood that his heart beat floods to. He’s humping into you desperately, chasing the euphoria that he could never find on his own. Such a delicate, shy boy now driven by lust and longing. 

“You’re pathetic and disgusting. You’re practically fucking me through our clothes,” you murmur while you try to push his hands down off you, but his grip won’t let up. Instead his nails dig further into you, a barely sounding broken noise escapes you from the pain. This makes his body collapse further into you, his head dropping between your shoulder and neck. His movements are sloppy and rushed. 

“N-no, I’m still good. You make me feel good, I am so good,” he whines, tears beginning to fall from his eyes to your shoulder. You try to imagine his holy water is washing you clean but it only singes. 

“Tell me that only I make you feel good, that you’re only good for me.” 

“Only you—can only be you to make me good,” he cries against your warmth, rocking himself into you roughly. His leaking cock begins to twitch against you and his hips won’t quit their stuttered jerks. 

You hum lightly and run a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He looks up at you with those desperate, wet, dark eyes and you can’t help but acknowledge how pretty he is like this. His puffy cheeks are flushed pink as the tip of his nose. “Only for me,” you mumble.

“Yes, thank you, I am yours. Yes.” His breaths are jagged and heavy. There’s a coiling in his abdomen that feels borderline explosive. You were right, he craves this feeling. It’s surreal to him how he’s gone so long without it. His arms wrap around you completely now, holding you down while his body rolls on top of yours, situated between your legs. His heart hammers against your chest; he wants to mold into you, to become a singular rot. 

You squeak a gasp, being caged down by him. Your heart beats with the same veracity. One of your arms wraps around his waist to hold his back while the other holds the back of his head that hasn’t left the safety of your neck. He continuously sobs through meek moans. His hair tickles your skin like sparks while his lips brush over your jaw and neck making the tingle feel like crackling flames. 

Under his weight you feel yourself slipping in both confidence and dominance, your body wanting to sink down in submission from the unknown comfort of his control. Your heart aches and you feel something you’ve never felt before. You think you’re scared of it, yet your body pulls him closer. Hand in his hair, tugging with fearful aggression. Nails piercing the skin of his shoulder blade. You’re pliant under his heavy thrusts and sounds of sin. 

The rain pours harder outside with whips of harsh winds smacking the window. It’s almost like God’s wrath is screaming to be seen, to shout that He is watching. 

Sunghoon’s hard cock is relentless against your core. The rough grind of him is stimulating in ways   you’ve never felt before, your body sensitive and starving for more. You squeeze your eyes shut and moan within your closed mouth, hating yourself for feeling this way because it was never supposed to be about you. You are betraying yourself more than your fathers.

The sounds you try to withhold make Sunghoon weaker. He feels uncontrollable, only becoming needier and hungrier with his movements, “I can’t stop. I can’t stop.” He whines, begging for you to vocalize how you feel it too. 

You feel like you’re breaking underneath him, and it feels shameful. Like every harsh word your father ever spat at you was true now that you’re a part of the experience and not just the cause. Everything is too much. It takes every ounce of strength you have to turn both of your bodies over. Now sitting up on top of his lap, you can finally breathe again, sighing in relief. He whimpers at the distance between you both but also from the view of you. 

He moans your name softly as he grips your hips, pushing himself up into your clothed pussy like he’s fucking you. Your hands push down on his shoulders. You stare into his eyes with a plain expression and contrasting sharp eyes, grinding your hips back down on top of him. It’s hard to ignore the way it makes you feel, watching him fall apart beneath you as his pulsing cock fucks against you, but you manage. 

“Cum for me,” you demand quietly, “make a mess and imagine it’s inside me.” 

“Holy fu—ngh,” his entire body spasms and shudders with a low groan falling from his open lips. His movements slow down only to become lazier and uncoordinated. You can feel the warm wetness he spills soak through your thin pajama shorts and underwear. 

“You’re right. You are good for me,” you coo softly, cupping his face and using your thumbs to wipe away the tears. Your hips circle and swivel slowly on him until his quivering cock finishes cumming. 

Sunghoon has a sparkle to his wet eyes. The way the gentle praise left your lips makes him melt, and he can’t stop the flickering glance between your eyes and lips. He breathes heavily through his post clarity. Still he basks in your touch with a hopeful look in his eyes. His tongue slides over his lips before he’s leaning up towards your face, hands affixed to your waist to pull you closer to him. 

This makes a wave of panic wash over you, knowing what he wants to do. You shake your head no and pull yourself away, slipping off of his lap only to turn away from him. 

“None of that. It’s not what-” 

And then there’s a press of lips to your cheek. Your face burns as if a hot coal was what kissed your face. Your eyes go wide, turning to see the boy sitting up next to you. He only wears a shy smile as he sees your reaction.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a week now,” he admits with a small laugh. “Not exactly there but that’s fine. I wish you would let me help you feel good too.” he whispers, looking back to the windowsill where the gifted flowers stood in their vase with the raging storm as their backdrop. 

“That’s dumb and I don’t need to,” you reply, still watching him stare forward. Your chest feels painful; it’s an ache like shattered glass trying to piece together in the wrong ways. Stabbing but trying.

“I think you deserve to,” he argues. “But I understand if it’s not what you want. I was really touchy and I shouldn’t have been because you don’t seem like it. I was too caught up in the moment.” His mind goes to the mess he’s still sitting in and he feels self-conscious all over again. “Is it embarrassing how much I need you?”

You blink at him, swallowing the words that were never going to come out because you didn’t even know what they should or would be. So you settle with a simple, “No.”

You think it would kill you to admit how much you actually always wished to be wanted, needed, or loved. A bigger part of you didn’t think you were worthy of it, let alone capable. The world had such a way of saying otherwise. Until it brought Sunghoon to you; the boy who showed you feelings and experiences you never thought possible. 

As if he could read your mind, he asks, “Why did you choose me out of everyone?” He falls back onto the bed, laying down and pulling the blanket over himself. 

“I think you reminded me of a lamb.” 

“Pardon?” His brows furrow. 

You lay back down next to him, facing him like he is to you. “Pretty, white, and docile. You were so nervous when I first saw you—sometimes you still are.” You even laugh a little. “When you shook my hand I knew I could do anything to you because you’d let me.” 

“You think I’m pretty?” He smiles wide, scooting closer to you. 

You scoff with an eye roll, leaning further away from him. “Oh shut up, you’ve seen a mirror.” 

And then it’s his turn to laugh a little. He looks at you like you’re the reason the sun rises and falls. It kind of hurts you to see him like this because it reminds you of your initial rotten intentions and how they’re dissipating the more you’re with him. 

Time passes faster than the two of you realize. There’s light banter and easy conversations. You learn more about Sunghoon. Where he goes to school, what he studies, and who his friends are. He tells you of the sports he used to do and what he does in free time with his best friend. The more you learn about him, the more you understand his naivety and how despite what you’ve done, he won’t change. There’s something lovely about it. 

You don’t have much to share about your life the way he does, at least not in the same light. But you show him your favorite books, drawings you made over the years, and share the stories of movies you found interesting. He savors the moment of you simply confiding, enjoying the more he can know about you. 

The storm passes later in the evening. So caught up in borrowing time, the rain has slowed down to a simple pitter patter. The clouds dispersed and the setting sun only came through to say goodbye to the day. 

The sound of the truck that the farmhands use to take back to town is heard roaring to life, signalling you and Sunghoon that it’s safe and time to head out. 

Sunghoon jumps out of bed but by the time he’s shoving himself into his still damp jeans and looking out the window, the truck is already speeding down the dirt, now mud riddled road. 

“They just left without me,” he breathes out. “I’m used to them leaving me out, but t-this is.. How am I going to get home?” He looks back to you with sad eyes, not the light they had earlier. He’s not shocked by their actions, but he is disappointed. A hand runs through his hair in his stress. 

“Should I kill them?” Your question is brazen, body and voice eerily still in your seriousness. 

“W-what?!” he whispers in shock, freezing for a moment. 

“I’m joking.” You sit up and watch Sunghoon resume getting dressed. “I think you should head back to the lodge for the night. There’s a washer and dryer for your clothes. And spare food for dinner too.” 

Sunghoon nods slightly, “your jokes are weird, but okay.” He looks like he’s thinking of something, taking his bottom lip between his teeth in thought before speaking again. “Can you stay with me for the night at least?” he asks shyly. 

“No,” comes out quicker than you intended. “...But I guess I can walk with you there.” 

He nods again but now with his signature small dimpled smile. You almost forgot about being angry at the other farmhands for taking it away. 

You have to make sure the coast is clear before leaving the house. You tiptoe down the halls and stairs, weary of where your mother is inside the house. To your luck, she’s in her usual state. She’s passed out on the couch with two empty bottles of wine on the floor. The television volume is low, playing a rerun of the reverend’s sermon; the devil himself of your childhood, preaching about how he lost his child to the otherside. 

With a finger to your lips, you silently signal for Sunghoon to be quiet and to follow you out. 

Once safely out of the front door, you take his hand in yours and start running for the lodge. The tall boy is behind you, so you don’t get to see the bright smile on his lips or in his eyes as you run through the light run towards the lodge. 

Now standing in the front doorway of the farmer’s lodge, wet from the sky all over again and still hand in hand, Sunghoon bravely speaks up.

“I don’t like it when you disappear on me,” he breathes out shakily, honestly. “Nobody else sees me like you do,” he squeezes your hand tighter in his, feeling you begin to pull away. “Come with me into the city tomorrow. We can- I’m not sure yet, but I’m sure I want more time with you.” 

His eye contact is unwavering, begging. Both of his strong hands hold onto yours. You glance from your hand then back to his pleading expression. He will always remain so sweet, no matter what you do to him. 

“I felt less lonely before I met you,” you confess, eyes unblinking as you stare up at him for a long pause. “I’ll meet you here in the morning.” 

In only seconds, he’s pulling you into a hug. His arms wrap around you so tightly as he holds you to his chest. You go stiff in his arms, forgetting how to breathe for a moment. What feels suffocating at first turns into a warmth you’ve become all too familiar with, and it was never anger. The indignation you always wear is just a hand me down from your parents; it doesn’t fit you right even though it’s comfortable. 

With a shaky exhale, you wrap your arms around him too. The hug surrounds you like a blanket of unknown comfort. Your ear pressed to his chest listens to the sound of his racing heart. You can feel the pound throughout his entire body too. Every emotion held within is trying and fighting to be seen. It’s still so cold from the rain but he feels contrast, only warm. His lips press a kiss to the top of your head, making your body burn even more and your hold all the tighter. 

　True to your word, you meet Sunghoon at the farmer’s lodge the next morning. He seems happier than usual. Very giddy to be spending a weekend day with you without work in the way. No distractions or excuses to leave. Just the two of you and a new day with zero obligations.

Because you had a spare bike, you both are able to peddle towards town to the bus stop together. Having made these frequent trips alone, you’re familiar with the owner of the gas station at the stop. He’s a deaf older man, and it surprises Sunghoon that you know how to sign and ask him to hold onto the bikes until you’re back. You tell Sunghoon that you learned some basics from reading a book you bought a long time ago. 

Stunned, Sunghoon realizes that you went out of your way to do so for one man who watches your bike while you endure solo trips. You, the odd girl who was mean and sinful, used your money and learned a language for one man who did a simple favor. He’s learning more to admire you for by the day, and it’s crazy to him how you don’t see your own charm. 

Sunghoon pays your bus fares even though you insisted on being capable of doing so yourself. Sat in the middle of the bus that’s only barely half filled, he asks if there’s anything you’d like to do for the day while in the city. Nobody has ever asked you such an effortless thing, and you like it more than you imagined. Just uncomplicated curiosity of your wishes. 

“The book store. The small yellow one on main street. Maybe see a movie if anything is worth seeing.” You shrug, spewing out the usual things you do. Looking around the taken bus seats, you notice some familiar faces. 

“That sounds nice,” he smiles, “our first real date! I think there’s a cafe near that book store too. Do you like coffee?” 

Your cheeks burn as you stare at him in bewilderment, “you think we’re going on a date?!” 

“Of course we are,” he laughs like it’s obvious and wraps an arm around your shoulder, looking out of the window. All that the town can offer him other than you passes by. “I’m a fan of americanos. You seem like you’d take your coffee black.” 

“I don’t even like coffee,” you mumble, turning your attention out of the window as well. “Tea is nice though.” You add in, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Hm. I can see that too,” he hums as he pulls you closer into his side. 

So much can change in such little time. You’ve experienced this many times in one life. How one day can open a new door to a path otherwise not taken. Showing Sunghoon more of you has made him bloom into a larger ray of light. He seems more comfortable, and now you’ve become the awkward one. 

The ride to the city doesn’t normally take this long, or at least you don’t think it does. Every second with him by your side makes the experience feel brand new. The theme of time being unreal is common with him, you’ve discovered. It’s when you’re in the bookstore and see a holiday sale that you realize it’s not even June anymore. 

While Sunghoon looks for books for his upcoming college semester, you find yourself in genre sections you never really cared for before. The dark and racy ones were fun to bring home, sure. But innocent, cliche romance was always something cringey to you. Now if you change your perspective to that of research then it’s less daunting, right? Perhaps you’d make sense of all the things you’re discovering about yourself and him. Yeah, that’s convincing enough. 

He teases you at the checkout counter when he sees what you picked out. Your face flushes in embarrassment and you can’t even bite back at him or defend your choices. So you smack him with the book on the way out while he laughs and makes jokes that aren’t very funny. 

The two of you do manage to catch a movie. You honestly didn’t care to see one, but having to sit silently in a theater for at least an hour and half seemed like enough time for him to, hopefully, forget and drop the whole book situation. It’s a summer slasher film. A group of teens go camping and the plot is very ‘who done it’ style. Overall, it’s a fun choice. You have your turn to laugh and joke when Sunghoon gets jumpy or scared. 

After the movie, you both end up at the cafe Sunghoon mentioned while on the bus. There was something painfully intimate about everything today. But especially sitting down to eat with him. Not even your mother could meet you at the table anymore. 

“You seem softer today,” Sunghoon states, setting his half-drunk coffee down. “Almost nervous. Is it because we’re out together for our first date? Or just the people in general?” 

You raise a brow at his brazen curiosity and observation. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me,” you play with your fork to move around the barely touched food in front of you. “Or maybe it’s a bit of both.” 

“If you come to the city enough to know sign language for the man who watches your bike, do you like it better than the countryside?” 

“Don’t know. I’m used to the quiet life, but leaving it behind and pretending it’s not there is nice too.” 

“What keeps you there?” 

“The scenery. The air. The lake. Being friends with the animals.” You look up from the plate to Sunghoon who is watching you like a lecture: attentive and learning. “I’m not very good with people, so I think it suits me alright.” 

“You’re good with me though,” he argues softly.

“No, not really. I wish I was more like everyone else,” you inhale deeply as your eyes wander around the bustling cafe. There’s a choir of laughter, conversations, and social dynamics you would have to study to master. “If I were a good person, everything would be easier.” 

“...but I like you as you are,” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear, watching you shift in your seat. He doesn’t think you’re not a good person, and it hurts that you see yourself as such. 

As Sunghoon speaks, there’s a chime that follows as the front door of the cafe is swung open. A disheveled man stumbles inside, heavy feet stomping the tile floor to attempt to stabilize his disorientation. The man burps obnoxiously loud, and many eyes find him with the grand entrance. 

He scratches at his lengthy, unkept beard as he looks around. When his sunken eyes find you sitting at the table nearby his eyes grow wide and his mouth falls open. His hand shakes with a pointed finger in your direction, “y-you! The girl from the reverend’s sermon!” He’s loud, capturing the attention of everyone now. His sloppy movements make way towards you and Sunghoon; you feel everything within you freeze, and your heart knocks at your chest fast and hard with anxiety.  

He slams his hands on the table, causing your plates and drinks to rattle. He reeks badly of alcohol and his crazed eyes never leave yours. You swallow thickly, fight or flight mode still trying to understand the situation before you. Meanwhile Sunghoon, worried and confused, slowly begins to stand up and grab your bags. 

But you, you’re frozen staring at the messy man who talks of your greatest hate. Your hands tremble on the table. 

“I thought the reverend made you up for stories, but my God! You’re the real living thing just like the pictures; his only sin,” he laughs boisterously in your face and you try not to gag. “I saw him a little whiles earlier, ya know,” his voice goes quieter, it’s taunting even. You wish to remain calm but your eyes tremble and a frown takes your face. “I should go find him and tell him you’re here. He really-”

Sunghoon takes your hand, practically dragging you away from the table. You almost fall from your seat, like a baby deer just learning to walk, there’s little strength to your legs. 

“It’s not too late! You can be on the right side of things!” his voice ricochets off the walls of the now quiet cafe. “If I can be saved by his preaching, so can you! Look at me!” His mad laughter follows you and Sunghoon outside. 

Sunghoon watches you stand on uneasy feet, zoned out staring at the sidewalk. It didn’t take much to put the pieces together that the drunken man was talking about your father. Your father being a reverend who’s not in the picture gave him much to wonder about, but now isn’t the time. He just wanted to get you somewhere away from this memory. 

He crouches down in front of you. You slowly blink back to reality, now looking down at his back. You don’t want to speak so you poke his shoulder in questioning.

“Hop on. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“What if I’m heavy?” you look at the bags he’s already holding, feeling that you too are a burdened weight he doesn’t need to hold. 

“I’ve got good muscles, remember? Good for farm work,” he’s patient and calm with you while his eyes watch the man from outside the glass cafe windows. “Come on, baby.”

Without thinking, you end up on his back. He carries you on his back, strong arms holding your legs while yours are loosely around his neck. Your insides are a flared up hurricane but at least that allows your body to forget the empty ache you left at the cafe. With your chin hooked over his shoulder, you watch the many people and downtown stores that pass by.

Sunghoon doesn’t exactly know where he’s walking, but thinks it’s best to end the day here and return you to the bus stop. He’s never seen that look on your face before—the one you had when the man was loud in your face. He didn’t like it, and he’s sure you hated it. You looked intimidated, or afraid. 

“Would you kill him for me?” you watch the side of his face, “the reverend, I mean.” 

He stops in his tracks and turns his head to look back at you, “w-what? I can’t kill someone… and you should joke like that.” he panics, looking around to see if someone was listening to the wild conversation and request.

“Yeah, I know. I’m fucking with you,” you look away to hide your smirk, “and only half joking.”

“Did you believe him before?” He starts walking again, but this time at a slower pace knowing the bus stop isn’t too far now. 

“Who? My dad or Our Father?” There’s a use of air quotes at the end of your question. 

“Both?” his head tilts. 

“Neither,” you confirm. There’s a pause for thought and Sunghoon waits for you to further explain. “My relationship with both is too similar. They’ve both known me my whole life, right? Seen all of my wrong doings and in return shown wrath through unnecessary punishments called forgiveness. In what good world is tolerance violent?”

“What do you mean? What did he do?”

“Sometimes, after my mother set the table for dinner, he would knock my plate to the floor. Tell me to eat off the ground like the animal I was or starve.” Sunghoon frowns at this, coming to a slow stop when he sees the bus shelter bench. “Sometimes I had days and nights locked in the barns, but he switched it up to the basement when I was too close with the animals.” You laugh a little, but he senses the pain behind it. “I watched him kill the animals, too, only to smother me in their blood. Beatings were rare, but I think only because he despised the thought of even touching me.”

Sunghoon slowly sets you down to the ground and breathes out your name safely, taking your hands into his. He looks at you with sorrow, like he was the one who endured it with you. 

“God’s orders, am I right? My father, the church goers, speak of God like they’ve seen his face and heard his voice, but they haven’t. I would’ve by now too.” 

If He was really in everything, all around, why did He always turn a blind eye? Why does He pretend to not know you? It only made it harder to believe in—something that would bring you here, torture you then watch you suffer for not living how it pleases. God wants to be believed in, but so do you. Only you would never beg for compassion. 

Sunghoon squeezes your hands in his, “I don’t think you should stay there. You never deserved that… even if you’re volatile and strange… because you’re also kind and caring. It’s why I like you. It’s their fault for not seeing that,” he reassures. “I haven’t been through what you have, and I can’t understand. I-I mean I can try to, ya know… it’s not like I’d leave if I didn’t.” His words begin to stumble nervously, not confident in its sympathy reaching you where needed.

You laugh nervously, trying to tug your hands away from his grip that doesn’t let up. “Okay sure whatever, this is really embarrassing now…” You swallow hard and find difficulty in meeting his eyes. 

That’s all that matters, what he said to you, but you didn’t have it in you to say it. He already knows it though, smiling small and holding your hands still. Without words or excessive displays he can still see it in your eyes, the subtle comfort of acceptance. 

He could never blame you for your nature. He sees your anger as you just trying to be strong all while being sad. Whether you are his lover or executioner, he would accept you as you are every time with open arms, receiving hands. Even more readily, now.

　Even more time has passed since knowing Sunghoon. Summer has never flown by so fast. The calendar doesn’t exist to you anymore. It’s only the days you see him and the days that you don’t. The season will be wrapping up in the next few weeks, but only for him. He has to return to his regular scheduled routine of pursuing education while you will stay here, on the farm. It’s rare for you to feel this emotion: fear. You are scared of losing him. And the concept is something you do your best to avoid thinking about because it makes your skin itch with anxiety. It crawls over you like something that needs to be cut out. 

And then an idea hits you. Something far more deep-seated than everything else you’ve done with Sunghoon that would solidify that this summer is real and yours. Something that will always stay; a reminder that good things are possible despite how the world has made you. 

It’s a damn near perfect day. The sun is so bright, and only peers down onto you both through the gaps of the trees. It’s just warm enough. Just quiet enough aside from the sound of Sunghoon’s gentle breathing and natural composition of the nature that surrounds. Rustling of leaves, chirps of birds, and scurrying of whatever life that wishes to not be seen. 

You both sit criss cross at the wooden dock by the lake, simply enjoying the scenery and all it has to offer. His large knee is affixed to yours. If this was early June, you would have moved away. But now it’s a week into August and you wouldn’t have it anywhere else. Just like you always imagined, and secretly wanted, the view is nicer with someone else. 

He didn’t bother asking why you never brought him here before, or why it is that you chose to now. He’s just happy that you decided to at all. 

You slip a hand into your boot and pull out a pocket knife. You flick it open and do a brief inspection of the cleaned blade. The sun glints off the metal as you turn it. 

“Sunghoon, do you trust me?” 

His eyes flicker from your blank face to the blade. He nods slowly with a swallow, “of course.” There’s a subtle apprehension to him. You hand him the small blade and leave your palm facing up, open to him. 

“Cut a diagonal line down my hand,” you point and draw a line down the middle of your palm. 

“Huh, seriously?” he takes the blade confused and concerned with what you’re asking of him. “Why? I can’t hurt you.”

“Do it. Don’t think of it as hurting me, but still do it deep enough to leave a scar.” 

He struggles to understand the situation, but you’re so serious and clearly waiting for him to do as you asked. He exhales deeply, taking your hand in his while the other holds the knife just above the bared skin. Hesitant and slow, the tip of the knife pressed down into your flesh. You wince a little, which makes him pause. You nod, encouraging him to continue and he does despite hating the act. He slices the palm of your hand open just as you wanted. You hate blood, but it’s not so bad when caused by him.

“Shit, it stings,” you swallow through the pain. The feel of open flesh burning and stinging. “Your turn,” you exhale while taking the knife back with your free, unharmed hand. 

“My turn,” he agrees as if all logic has left him and readily displays his palm to you. Deep down, he feels guilty for hurting you, so to make it even he wants to feel the same.

Just as hesitant and careful, you create a matching wound in his hand. A deep enough, bleeding, lesion in his left hand to match  your right one. He cringes at the sight and the pain before looking back to your face. Your expression is so soft yet attentive, almost awestruck. 

“Even when you hurt me you’re gentle,” he remarks, watching you in amazement with a meek smile. 

“I am not gentle. I have sullied you,” you remind him, your eyes attempt to glare but they’re too bright in his. 

“In the softest way, why?” His voice is delicate and still like the lake that sits before you. You blink slowly at him because there are no words to be found. He continues, “I never thought of you as a bad person,” he pauses as you drop the red stained knife, unsure if he should continue at first but does regardless. “And, uhm, I’ve thought a lot about this summer. What I've learned from you. Purity is constructive—like something made to bring shame.” You don’t move, watching him. “I don’t have to be clean to be good…and your hands never made me dirty. Because they never were either.” 

Like an excavator to your tall, strong built walls Sunghoon has knocked your shield down. The facade of your character is breaking down, crumbling into the broken pieces that made it. A single tear escapes your eye and runs down your cheek. It’s rare for you to cry and you’re disgusted with the reality as to why it’s now that you break. Simply falling apart from kind words. 

You try to use everything in you to ignore the heat in your body, to show the anger you think you’re feeling inside. So your eyes remain sharp and strong, boring into his, as they still water. You swallow the dry lump in your throat and without a word, you take his hand into yours to join in a mix of blood. 

At first, you had one goal; one similar to murder. The sparkle he had in his eyes, you wanted to eat—to make them empty—and see the world ugly and godless like you. Yet somehow, somewhere along the way, his eyes shone even brighter. You only wanted to take and take of the innocent boy, but in this moment you realize, maybe I just wanted to give him some of me. 

You wipe the wet drop away from your face with haste, pretending as if it was never there. Whatever blood oath you’re making with Sunghoon allows you to feel something indescribable. You don’t know if it’s deserved, but you smile anyways. Because the indescribable feeling feels like it’s an unknown, unspoken promise. 

He’s seen you smile before with insidious malice, but this time, for the first time, you are really smiling. It’s a raw expression of surfacing emotions, and he returns the emotion like the sun. He thought of you beautiful before but with your brightness finally peering through your clouds, he believes you to be heaven sent. A part of him always wanted to see you cry—usually it was him with tears in his eyes; which is funny, because he wasn’t much of a cryer himself. You just had that way of breaking him down. He knows now he does for you too. And he can tell that you’re probably the type of person who needs to cry the most. 

His hand squeezes yours tighter, a grip so loving, as you bind in one. Neither of your eyes or smiles leave each other until the bleeding stops. 

　A week later, Sunghoon asks you on a date. The summer fair is in town. It’s something like a festival where all the locals from towns around the city come to visit and join in on festivities from carnival games, rides, food, and uncommon entertainments. You think of being mean, denying him the acceptance of the date, but you have always wanted to go. So you said yes without your words: took his scarred hand in yours and nodded. 

The evening sky is a watercolor of warm tones as the sun begins to lay down for the night. The bright lights of the fair illuminate the large open field turned carnival. There’s a sea of people here tonight, and although it makes you nervous inside, having Sunghoon by your side makes the ordeal easier to handle. 

The line for the ticket booth is lengthy but it passes by. You approach the booth, standing a little behind Sunghoon who takes out his wallet to buy your entrance wristband passes and tickets. You look around at the many people: families, friends, and couples, all immersed in their own experience as the music and sounds blend in the background of conversations. 

“Oh wow! You’re really handsome,” the girl at the ticket booth gawks at Sunghoon. She straightens her posture and fixes her hair from her face, “one ticke-?”

Catching this, you step forward and snatch Sunghoon’s wallet from his hands, “he already knows that. Do your job or I’ll feed you to pigs.” You slap the cash amount for what you need down onto the table top with a straight face and mean eyes. 

Her eyes go wide and she hushes an apology, quickly giving you both wristbands and tickets for the evening. She even threw in extra tickets as you stared her down. 

Sunghoon watches you with a flushed face, even the tips of his ears burn red at your jealous threat. You both walk off into the fair, a sheepish smile on his face as he leads you through the crowd with an arm wrapped around your back and hand to your waist. 

“Was that one of your jokes too?” he grins down at you.

“Nope,” you glance at him with a small smile. You weren’t sure what came over you in the moment, but it was something internally deep, and territorial. An innate reaction to someone trying to appeal to something that belongs to you. It felt ugly and you didn’t like it. 

The idea that he could possibly be taken from you was a phenomenon you’ve thought of for a while now. Knowing he has an existing life outside you, outside of this summer, that he would return you made you sick. You’re far from perfect, or the right thing for him, and he could find a safer option if he ever pleased. Pushing the thoughts away is harder than you imagine, so you cling to his side even more. 

You and Sunghoon use up your spare tickets for carnival games. You toss rings around bottles, shoot water guns into the mouth of a clown frame, and throw darts at balloons. The both of you aren’t very skilled at any of the games, but it's fun enough to enjoy the time without winning a prize to show for it. 

Eventually, Sunghoon does find frustration within the ‘rigged’ set up of the games. He even pulls out his wallet for cash when the tickets are gone. You’re surprised at how competitive he is; his determined nature is something that stirs your insides around. You don’t know if you’ve ever smiled so much in your life. 

After 3 rounds of throwing a ball to knock over a moving target, he does manage to win. Going 3 for 3 and not missing a single shot. The excitement you feel when he succeeds takes over and you’re proud, doing little jumps in place and clapping your hands together. 

“You did it! You won!” you exclaim, hugging onto his side. 

He can only smile down at your joyfulness. A fire burns in his heart and he hugs you back, kissing your forehead. “All for you. Which prize do you want?” 

“It’s yours, you should pick it,” you blush, elbowing his side with a shy smile while your eyes keep looking up to the stuffed white lamb with a lace ribbon around its neck and a cushion gold bell adoring the throat. 

Of course, that’s the prize he ends up choosing. It might not be Saint Michael the stuffed bear, but it’s something far happier, cleaner, and softer. 

The stuffed animal never leaves your hold throughout the rest of the evening. It rides the many rides you and Sunghoon do. And sits at the picnic table with you both as you share fair snacks. Popcorn and cotton candy was never so sweet for either of you. Like contentment melting on your tongues. 

Cliche as ever, Sunghoon wants to end the night there with a round on the ferris wheel. The line moves quickly and when it’s your turn to step into the carriage, he takes your hand and sits you down the seat next to him. 

It moves slowly and rocks back and forth with shaky movements that have you gripping the side handles. With an arm around your shoulder, he holds you close to him. The array of flickering colorful lights and people below you feels almost magical. 

Taking your eyes from the heightened difference between you and the ground, you look back to the boy beside you who is already looking at you. The reflection of rainbow luminescence glistens in his eyes. It’s even prettier than the view from the top of the little world you’re in. You give him a shy smile, finding it impossible to look away. 

He says your name in a whisper, taking your chin between your fingers. “Thank you for choosing to let me in.” 

Confused and wide eyed, you watch him lean into your face. You gasp when his lips meet yours before returning the notion. With eyes closed, you melt into his kiss. It’s sweet as all the things you’ve experienced today because of him. 

It’s also as clumsy and messy as a kiss can be for two people who’ve never done so before. However, human nature and desire take over and ease the rest for you both. Lips move over another in a gentle waltz, careful and slow. 

And as if the situation couldn’t get anymore cliche, fireworks light up the sky. At first you thought it was just your imagination and all the books you’ve read flooding your consciousness, but the booming sounds and cheers of the crowd are too loud to not be real. 

You pull away from him first, and he’s already wearing a shit eating grin so wide that you can’t help but roll your eyes, fighting the urge to smile back at him. Your face burns in both embarrassment and adrenaline from the kiss. 

After that, you don’t leave the city like you should. The bus takes you both back downtown but neither you or Sunghoon feel it’s time for goodbye. So, for the first time, he takes you back to his apartment. You’ve never been to anybody else's home before, and it’s nerve wracking to say the least. The complex is large and somewhat modern, housing many of the second and third year private college students.

When you step inside, it’s quite plain but at least clean. You’re immediately greeted by a boy shorter than Sunghoon. He has a big mouth smile and shining dark eyes. His hair is shaggy but it suits him. He’s practically bouncing on his toes. You shift yourself behind Sunghoon and hold onto his shirt, hiding slightly from the excited puppy-like roommate. 

“How did it go? Oh, and nice to finally meet you,” he rambles out quickly, “I’m Jake. The best friend and roommate. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He shoots Sunghoon a wink before grinning back at you. He extends a hand for you to shake but you don’t reach out. Something about his eyes doesn’t sit right with you. 

“She’s shy,” Sunghoon laughs a little as he guides you past Jake and towards his room. “It was fun though. I recommend going before it’s gone.”

“Ah, you got yourself a nice little angel, huh?” Jake leans over the kitchen island, watching you both. His smile falters. “I’ll have one of my own some day.” For some reason, you think of him as a secret pervert.

Sunghoon laughs his comment off and tells Jake goodnight before showing you to his room. His room is neat and as simple as a college boy’s room can be. A bed, desk, dresser, closet, and bathroom. One poster of a musician you’ve never listened to and a window with unopened blinds. 

You sit yourself at the end of his bed and he sits down next to you. There’s some awkward silence as you look around, unsure of what you’re supposed to do. He feels similarly to your internal dilemma. 

“I-I’ve never had-”

“It’s okay,” you cut him off. Of course he’s never had a girl over. And of course you’ve never been over to a boys house. 

“Are you tired?” he asks, and you lie by nodding your head. So you both get ready for bed. He gives you a shirt to borrow for bed that change into in his bathroom while he changes into sweats and a t-shirt in his room. 

In minutes you’re both laying in his bed under the covers and staring up at his ceiling in the dark room. Not a word is said as you both lay there wide awake and untouching. But you know he’s wanting to by the way his body is shifting and turning, inching closer with every minute movement. 

And before you know it, although expected, his body is nestled closely to yours. His arms wrap around you, pulling you into an embrace. For the most part, he usually does keep his space. Knowing how you are when it comes to physical touch that feels too sudden or invading. But with barriers breaking down more over time, he thinks you’re learning to handle the comfort better. 

“I thought you were tired?” he mumbles, head on your shoulder. His hands trace up and down your arms that are wrapped around yourself like a guard. 

“I lied,” you whisper. Your eyes can’t look at him yet, so they remain aimless to the ceiling. Some moonlight slips through his cracked window blinds, giving you enough view of the spinning ceiling fan. 

“I had fun today. Mostly because you did. I like seeing you happy,” he smiles after kissing your shoulder that’s exposed in the neckline of his shirt too big for you. “And… I liked when you kissed me back,” his voice is quiet and shy-like. 

“Do you want to do it again?” Your eyes shift to him and you can barely see the warm flush to his cheeks. He’s cute. 

Taken aback at first, he just blinks at you with a parted mouth. Then he nods his head slowly, licking over his lips. 

You turn over onto your side to face him and his hands don’t leave your waist. Unsure of what to do with your own, you wrap them around his neck. Good thing they sit behind him and it’s dark in the room because it would kill you for him to notice the slight tremor in your fingers. 

With a scarily racing heart and stiff, trembling body you surge forward to kiss him. His lips are quick to capture yours. Soft and pillow-like, they mold into yours in waves. What starts off as clumsy and unskilled turns into hunger. Something desperate and needy. His grip feels bruising to your hips but in a nice way. In a way you want it to hurt more. 

His nails digging further into your flesh to keep you impossibly close make your lips gasp, or maybe it’s the lack of air, or just both. And instinctively his tongue is licking its way past your lips and into your mouth. He kisses you like he’s starved for it. His wet tongue drags over yours, and your teeth, then as far as it can inside of you. He whimpers, pressing his already hard cock to you as he licks and kisses you open. 

Your stomach has never burned this way before, and you feel the hot sensation all over then down to your core that aches like it’s hungry too. You feel disgusted by yourself but can’t fight the hum you make as you devour him right back. You’re getting wetter every second he’s in your mouth. 

This time, he pulls away first. Panting for air and staring at you with glazed over dark eyes. He licks over his wet lips again, savoring the taste of you on himself. He bites down onto it and a part of you wishes it was you he sunk his teeth in. 

“Can I do what I did last time?” he breathes out, his hips involuntarily jerking up against you at the thought alone. 

While trying to act like you’re not catching your breath too, you say quietly, “do whatever you want.” 

He kisses you again but with more desperation. You try to do the same but you can feel your heart and your head preparing for battle. The way he’s feeling you up and grinding himself on you is in no way unwanted, and that’s part of the reason you’re struggling to maintain presence. 

It’s so much happening so quickly, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t imagine this happening eventually. Sex was inevitable. The way his body yearns to be one with yours makes you feel special almost. He’s already engraved into you but in his mind he has to be inside of you and it hurts so badly how you think the same. 

But is the last thing that keeps him pure really yours to take? You’ve stripped so much away from him for all the wrong reasons before and now it feels strange. You are no good and that’s all he is. 

The only thing keeping you here, in the moment, is him. His exploratory and gentle yet rough hands, his body grinding into you, his lips that can’t leave yours or your skin for even a second, and the weak wanting sounds that leave them. 

“I need more, please. I want- I need to feel good with you. Please,” he’s whining into your ear. Then pressing kisses along your jaw and neck that are all so tender, slow, and deliberate. Large hands caress you like you’re breakable, as if not already just a body of fragmented pieces made whole and called a person. 

Your still shaking hand reaches down between your two bodies and slips past his sweats. He had the nerve to go commando and you wish you could tease him, but you can’t. You’re lucky you’re even here right now and breathing his air. Your hand wraps around his aching length and gives him a few tugs to which he’s quick to moan. He kicks off his sweatpants while you bring him closer to you. The plush of your thighs trap him; he whimpers against the soft heat of your flesh. 

Your hips grind up into him once, showing him what he should do too. He’s slow to start, rocking himself between your thighs. Slutty and hopeless sounds leave him in a string of his want. His leaking hard cock is so close to your core. Only the thin layer of your underwear keeps him from feeling your clear need for him too. 

Wrapped in each other's arms, you bury your head to his shoulder. You can feel the pulse of his aching desire rubbing and grinding against you. It makes you shiver in sensitivity and cower further into his neck. You don’t bite down onto your lip, but his neck. There’s a sting to your eyes because you hate it—the wet warmth that pools out of you. Your sin sticks to your underwear and your skin like the red raining life of all the animals you made leave the earth; your haunting subconscious correlates with your growing pleasure. 

You know you’re not religious yet every time Sunghoon touches you there’s a divinity to it and it makes your hands want to join in prayer to thank the universe for sending someone like him to you. Because his hands roam your body as if they have in every world; as if there is not one timeline where you have not been made for him. Like you were carved from his rib every time. 

Your body smolders in that angry way it always did whenever Sunghoon got too close to you. Whenever his words were too kind, his touch too gentle, or god forbid when he just smiled at you. That fire is just the divine nature of your relationship, lighting up everywhere he touches and leaving flames in the wake. You thought it was your body rejecting his purity, but you were only denying the likeness. He made you feel good. And in the most ironic way possible. You just didn’t think you deserved it. 

Yet an anguished moan leaves you, rumbling against his skin as you bite down harder. Regardless of it all, he is yours right now. 

The feeling of your sinking teeth in him, the sounds you’re now making, and the damp heat between your legs he can’t stop chasing all makes his head spin. He bites down onto you just the same and it only makes you moan louder. 

“Please,” he’s whining again through the bite. His voice a needy tremble while his hips stutter and thrust between your legs that only squeeze tighter together. The way the fat of your legs hug his raging cock through his desperate grinds makes him chase more and more for that feeling he just can’t seem to reach. The crying tip kisses and pushes up then past your leaking folds every time. It drives you both insane. 

If your body is the fiery lake of creation's deepest pit, then he is the cleanest ocean of earth’s highest point. If anyone could extinguish you, and possibly make you feel whole, it was Sunghoon. 

This is the most horrifying reality you’ve come face to face with. Not just intimacy, but a stronger driving emotion. You have to open yourself, rip open your chest and bare your beating heart in all its naked vulnerability. Let it scream out I like being with you. You have allowed this person into your world that nobody else has dared to step foot in. To see you in such ugly ways yet still extend their arms for you. It’s a terrifying level of closeness that you’ve never once experienced and you don’t know what to do with. You’re beyond perplexed by what he’s done to you, in both terror and awe.  

You pull back from Sunghoon and he pauses everything for a moment to look at you, noticing your wet eyes. Before he can ask what’s wrong you reach down and slip off your underwear. You shift your body and maneuver him as best you can until he’s on top of you. Rattled with concealed embarrassment you remove his shirt and toss it somewhere to the floor, and he does the same. 

You take a deep breath and reach back down to his cock, lining it up with your pussy. You blink and swallow away all the things trying to stop you from allowing yourself him. Pliant beneath him, you grab his shoulders and pull him down to you for a quick kiss. Foreheads now pressed together with lips ghosting over the others, you tell him, “I hate you.” 

Sunghoon only smiles down at you before kissing you once more. With his arms caged around you, he slowly pushes himself forward. The fat tip of his cock fails to go through you, only sliding up and past the wet folds. He whines feeling the warm slick coat the head; his entire body shudders. He nearly cums from that alone. 

He looks at you confused, and nod once while trying to shift your hips around for a better angle. It’s not like you to be so quiet during things like this. It only tells him that for once, you’re nervous about new things the way he was. 

So he tries again, this time a little rougher. He thrusts his hips forward, the tip pushing past the tight walls but still barely in. You whimper at the intrusion and the feeling of you being stretched open. Your hands squeeze hold onto his biceps for purchase. 

The tight sensation of your pussy squeezing his tip feels otherworldly to him. He can’t help but need to sink deeper into you. His cock pushes in further at an agonizing pace until he’s as deep as he can possibly go. His arms shake while he tries to maintain his strength and keep himself from collapsing onto you completely. The wet walls that surround him flutter and try to pull him further inside, making him feel lightheaded. His moans are so needy it’s almost like he’s crying from the feeling. 

“Oh, f-fuck!” you whimper. Having Sunghoon completely inside of you feels so full. You’re stuffed with him and it hurts so good. “You gotta move, Hoon. Feels like you’re splitting me open.”

“You're so tight, mm.” His hips stutter from your words alone and he whimpers again. He pulls himself out halfway while your gummy walls kiss around him in an attempt to suck him back to be filled again. He begins to rock himself in and out of you. It’s inexperienced and awkward, but he gets the hang of it quickly. Doing what feels best for him and what seems to be the best for you too. 

“I hate you. I fucking hate you,” you whisper harshly, looking up at him with tear filled eyes. It all burns while feeling like heaven. Never have you been so full, held so gently, or seen than this summer. You bite back the breaking moans and whimpers. You claw at his skin. You even begin to cry when your hips can’t stop chasing his thrusts. 

“I love you too,” he whispers back. A kiss is pressed to your forehead as his cock pistons you. Sunghoon is smart enough to know you’re a liar. Your mean words that used to hurt him, he now understands. You’re not really a bad person. And you don’t hate him. You were just really damaged and if he’s damned for trying to heal that then he’s fine with that too. 

“I mean it,” your body shudders, feeling his tip pound so far and deep in places inside you that you didn’t know reachable. His fat cock drags out and forces through your tight hole, making you cream all over him more and more. The sounds that leave your body, the sounds your bodies are making, it’s so obscene. Fighting off the disgust and focusing on how he makes you feel is war. It’s so hard for you to win. 

“No you don’t,” he shifts himself to sit on his knees, taking your legs and wrapping them around his waist. He leans forward and kisses both of your cheeks before fucking himself into you again, only harder and faster than before. 

“Ngh,” you moan again through broken sobs, blinking away the tears as you stare up at him. “I’m t-trying to.” 

“I know, baby.” he mumbles before capturing your wobbling lips into a searing kiss. “It’s okay, haah, don’t cry. You’re good. You’re so good for me,” he says against your wet lips. You can only sniffle and try to turn your head away from him in your embarrassment. “No, no.” he takes your chin with his thumb and finger, forcing you to look back at him. His thrusts never letting up during his care. “Look at me. You’re so good to me.” He reminds you over and over. “We’re so good together. I’m yours. you’re mine.” 

“Say it again,” you sniffle through little sounds of sin. Your hand finds a place on his cheek, and your thumb rubs over his lips that wear a smile. 

“You’re so good, good for me. We are so good together. I am yours. And you are mine,” he says softly. His eyes are so filled with love, and if you could see your reflection in his then you would know yours are too. “Say you’re good, baby, it’s okay.”

“I’m good,” you sob through your whimpers, “I’m yours.”

To Sunghoon, the idea of sex was always sacred. Something that’s only done and shared between lovers bound by marriage of the church. But now, he thinks differently. He knows that there is no shame in him loving you now or years later. And he was more than happy to make love to you all night until you believed it too. 

　Perhaps there was a thing such as divine intervention and if God’s timing was alway right, he knew how to be evil with it too. Because the next day, when Sunghoon takes you home, he’s met with your maker. 

Your mother, aware of the frequent trips you’ve been making and how close you’ve grown to the summer farmhand boy, is quick to make a call to your father the night you don’t return home. It wasn’t necessarily because she cared for your well being. You’re more than capable of handling yourself. But it was an excuse to try and get him to come back. Only it doesn’t go how she wanted.

When you see the reverend’s car parked in front of your house, your heart drops. Sunghoon picks up on your tension, He sees how you go blank at the sight and slowly turn back into the empty girl he met months ago. He tries to hold your hand but your fingers can’t move, can’t return the embrace. 

When the reverend walks out of the house with his infamous weapon of sacrificial forgiveness, you know what to do. Your body moves on its own, leaving Sunghoon to reach out for you that walks towards the woods. He goes to follow you and the desolate man that stalks behind, but your mother stops him. She’s hysterical as she drags him towards your house saying, “it’s going to be okay.” But she’s crying. 

Once out of their sight, the reverend takes you by the hair. He yanks your head around, pulling you towards that cursed tree. He’s uncharacteristically rough and your scalp screams for a release but you don’t show it. You don’t even look at the man. Not even when he’s tossing your body to the ground. 

“So you’re whoring around with my employees now, huh? Was ruining this farm not enough for you?” His words mean nothing to you. You dust off the dirt and go to stand again, but he kicks you back down. You tsk under your breath as he speaks again, “I’ve seen all the things you’ve done. Seen you leave my barns with red hands and smile. Cut heads off chickens like an anatomy project. Is he next? That church boy?” 

Now you look up to glare at him. Seeing the reverend was aggravating enough, but to say something about Sunghoon was infuriating to you. “I am not a killer. You are! And those animals were already dead.” You spit at his black leather church shoes. 

“Oh, you disgusting little devient,” he laughs lowly, untying the rope from the tree. “Your cruelty shouldn’t bring you joy. Sick and twisted, I should’ve dealt with you sooner regardless of what your drunk bitch mother protested. I can save the boy when you’re gone.” 

“What?” you shuffle backwards from him, angry and confused as he stalks closer to you until you’re backed against the tree. “All those things I did was because of you. Your righteousness made me rotten!” Your hands shake, gripping at the dirt ground for anything to make the fear stop. You glance up to the empty tree branch then the rope in his hands. Where is the lamb? You think briefly before it hits you. “You’re crazy,” you whisper, “I will not be your martyr… not now what I’m finally-”

“Condemn me to Hell for all I care,” he crouches down in front of you, “This is the last time I’ll be a killer.” He throws the rope to your lap and tells you to tether yourself. 

“Why do you hate me?” The words scratch at your throat. When you were younger, you did want the reverend to hate you. It was when he noticed you most, and it’s all you really knew. But now you’re older, and his disdain never made sense. 

You can’t bring yourself to move even if you wanted to. Was this His plan? To allow you one good thing in life before ending it? Was ruining Sunghoon your final sin? 

The rope shakes with your fingers as you stare down at it. The twine of the rope burns over the palm of your hand where Sunghoon carved his promise. Your throat feels dry, tight and suffocating; choking on everything you’ve ever done. And your eyes still puffy from the night before well with tears all over again. 

“I just do,” he thinks of slicing your neck open right there. So fuck tying you down, you were always secretly another lamb anyways. He raises his knife and the metal sits cold under your chin as he lifts your head up to look back at him. 

“Okay…” you swallow. 

Your eyes squeeze shut and so does your mouth, as you raise your head to the sky with an exposed throat. Why isn’t this easy? Unlike the animals, you do know what’s coming. And it’s scary. Scary not because of death, but because you aren’t ready. You haven’t told Sunghoon goodbye or that you love him back. And the thought of him finding something in this world to hate, is such an ugly feeling to die with. 

And then there’s a loud noise. A booming bang, followed by unsteady feet falling back and the ground rumbling with a thud. 

You open your eyes and your father is on his back clutching his abdomen. He coughs and gasps before raising his hand. It’s dripping in deep red. And you can’t help but smile with tears in your eyes as you exhale a jagged breath.

You turn your head and Sunghoon stands there with the shotgun in hand, open mouthed and wide eyed. 

“Sunghoon!” you scramble to your feet and run over to him, taking the gun from his hands as he’s frozen in shock. 

“H-he was going to- he was about to hurt you. I had to-!” he stutters, his eyes already crying and hands shaking, still feeling the weight and recoil of the gun. 

“It’s okay,” you coo softly. “Just- go back to the house and I’ll be right there, okay?” You rush out. Still in shock and dazed, he blindly trusts you and does as you say. 

When he’s no longer close by, you walk over to the reverend with a blank face. You stare down at him as he tries to crawl away, dirty and bleeding. The smile you make doesn’t reach your eyes. 

You point the gun back down at him, and place your foot over the shot wound Sunghoon created. The man gasps and tries to swat at your leg but you only press the gun further into his face, making him surrender. 

“Divine intervention, huh? Say it with me now. I know no punishment, only mercy.” Your voice is quiet, calm, and mocking of his tone. With the barrel to his forehead, you watch him writhe in pain and cough up a little blood. 

“Go to Hell,” he spits his words like venom. 

“If you say it, I’ll let you live. But if you show your face to me or Sunghoon again, I’ll shoot you right between the eyes.” Your foot presses down harder. You can feel that angry little girl inside of you jumping with joy.. Knowing his God demands to be bled for, and making him know the sacrificial suffering, well it feels good to say the least. “Say it. With me. Now.” Each word pronounced with the growing applied pressure to his shot wound. And then he begs for forgiveness. He’s never seen you smile the way you did when he was below you with those words. Empty eyes were never so alive for him either. He cries and chants ‘I know no punishment, only mercy’ over and over. It was like the most beautiful hymn.

　There wasn’t much to be said about that day. Sunghoon and you just pretend you shared a nightmare. Neither of you talked about it. It was just another thing that tied you together. 

Sitting there in the peak of summer’s heat. A day before Sunghoon returns to college classes. Birds chirp. The leaves of the tall trees thistle in the light breezes that pass by. Sunghoon sits criss crossed and while you have your feet hanging off the edge of the dock, kicking in the water. 

“I’m sorry,” you break the silence. Shocked, he looks over to you. He never would have expected you to apologize for anything. “I was selfish when I approached you. I wanted to take all that goodness out of you and keep it for myself. I thought I wanted to hurt you, but after sharing all this time with you, I realized I was wrong. It’s weird to say it out loud,” you laugh small, awkward, “but I really am sorry. I love you more than even I know.” You stare down to your feet in the water that has gone still. A tear falls from your eye, and down to your cheek. 

“I know. I love you too,” he wraps an arm around your waist. “But now the same sins bind us.” You hiccup silently and turn to look up at him. “Harvest all of my purity, farmer’s daughter.” 

For the first time, you really laugh. It’s bright and loud like the big smile he’s seeing for the first time on his favorite face. It’s morning sunlight that whispers through trees to kiss the forest floor. Birds that sing songs of hope to awake life into a new day. Nostalgic, expansive days of childhood where the concept of time doesn’t exist. To him, you look like the epitome of summer; he doesn’t want this season to end. 

You were never the lamb. Or the wolf. Not an animal at all. Nothing like the ones you grew up with. You were just a girl, scared and alone. But not anymore. Because it’s your last day on this farm, and tomorrow is the first with only Sunghoon. 

“Your humor is poetry.” you continue to laugh until tears prick your eyes all over again. You love it. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be funny.” he looks away shyly, blushing. It only makes your giggle more, but you stop to press a kiss to his cheek. He blushes harder. 

“I’ll keep doing it, harvesting all of your purity, for as long as you’re good.” you say with a smile. 

“Do you promise? I am always good, especially with you, so it could be a long while.” He bumps your shoulder playfully with a laugh. 

You take his scarred hand in yours and you laugh like he did, pure and true, “I do.”

© fangel ┊ do not copy, repost, modify or translate my content ໒꒱ tysm for reading, ⌗unlearn shame ⌇ taglist @tinycatharsis @simjaexy @leehsngs @511rkive @beomluvrr @jjongsaengzz @slvtella @jaerisdiction @kkamismom12 @rayofsunshineeee @nshmrarki @m3wkledreamy @hanjisbeloved @filmnings @stercul1a @hooniesfvngs @moriwori @sleepyhoon

[spaceyaemonds]

paring: dr. jack abbot x robby’s daughter!reader

sum.: what’s a girl to do but fuck her dads sort of best friend?

warnings: smut. like literally 99% smut, idk what came over me, don’t look at me. age gap (reader is mid 20s (robby had her young, she did not meet jack until she was in her 20s, and he never even heard about her until he met her for the first time. robbt kept that part of his life private idk just needed to clarify), jack is canon age), fingering and oral (f!receiving), spit as lube, just the tip for a few seconds, creampie, BRIEF BICEP CHOKING IN PRONE BONE, teasing, idk i’m sure theres more idk idk. minors DNI.

notes: requested!!! literally do not look at me. i wrote this one handed idk idk. no clue what came over me. I’m embarrassed. also just trying to work on my smut writing in general soooo. unedited. and as always, any feedback is extremely appreciated, it helps keep me motivated. especially reblogs/comments/asks!

wc: 1.4k

Your dad would absolutely kill you if he knew what, no who, you were doing right now.

Not that it was really any of his business who you slept with or dated, but you don’t want to think too hard about his reaction to his former rival/current somewhat best friend, if they even considered each other that, being the one who has you walking like a newborn deer in the mornings.

But it’s not just a secret from your dad. No one knows.

It’s beyond inappropriate, and maybe it shouldn’t be, but unfortunately it is. Despite the fact that you’re a grown woman, met him as a grown woman, you know someone will have some sort of comment that you are being taken advantage of.

So the two of you keep it to yourselves. In quiet moments in his living room or your kitchen, stolen kisses in the early mornings in the grocery store that’s open 24/7 just down the block from your apartment.

Or moments like this, in your bedroom.

He’s been in between your thighs, licking and sucking at your for what feels like hours.

Every so often, he’ll add two fingers into the mix, quickly bringing you to the edge when he finds that spot inside of you and repeatedly applies just the right amount of pressure.

He’s digging his nails into your thighs hard enough to leave marks as his tongue dives in and out of you, your hips moving ever so slightly to follow it every moment it leaves your dripping hole.

His eyes bore into yours as he drags his mouth up your slit to latch back onto your clit, sucking on it like his life depends on it.

“Fuck,” It comes out a breathy gasp, and his eyes are locked on your swollen lips.

“Yeah?” He pulls his face away from your center, “You like that baby?”

“Mhm,” You nod, tears glittering your eyes as you pout at him, “I’d like your cock more, though.”

Jack stops for a brief moment, eyes narrowing at you.

“I thought we decided you were done being a brat?”

His tone is rough, and it makes you throb.

“‘M not being a brat. I’m just a girl who knows exactly what she wants, is all.”

His face is right next to yours now, with narrowed eyes that hold a gleam you’ve come to know all too well.

“Is that so?”

Before you can respond, his mouth is pressed against yours.

Your hands tangle in the curls at the nape of his neck, gasping when he bites your lip so he can force his tongue into your mouth.

He groans into your mouth when your hand moves to palm at his throbbing cock through his black briefs.

His mouth moves to your neck, sucking and biting sharply, taking in all the little noises that leave your mouth.

“You gonna be a good girl for me, baby?” He mumbles hotly in your ear, biting the lobe as his clothed cock grinds against your bare, throbbing cunt.

“Yes, yes. Oh-“

He has you flipped over before your mind can process the movement.

Jack pulls his briefs down just enough to free his cock from them.

You whine out when you feel the tip prod at your sopping hole twice, kicking your legs in frustration when he pulls his cock away from you.

“You’ve been a bad, bad girl, baby.” He sits back slightly, his weight holding your lower body still as his calloused hands spread your ass cheeks apart before landing a harsh slap on your left cheek.

“Oh!” You moan out sharply.

“Naughty pictures left in my wallet,” Another slap on your right cheek.

“lacy panties in my scrub pants,” The next slap on your left cheek is harder than the last two, and it causes you to cry out.

His hand quickly soothes the sting.

“and who can forget the texts you sent me when I was out drinking with my coworkers, with your dad,”

His right hand is tangled in your hair as he yanks your head back, casung a gasp to leave your mouth.

His cups his left hand under your mouth, “Spit.” It’s harsh, demanding.

Pursing your lips, you let a glob of spit fall from your mouth and fall into his palm.

He releases his grip on your hair, letting your head fall into your pillow.

His left hand quickly grips his cock, rubbing your spit in, “Fuuuck,”

Your hips wiggle back, desperate to help guide him inside you.

His right hand swats your ass, eyes rolling back at the moan that leaves your mouth, left hand moving faster up and down his cock

“You’ve been bad-” He cuts himself off with a deep breath out, “bad girls don’t get cock.”

You could cry, fuck, you start tearing up at the thought.

“No, no, no. Please, please give it to me.”

“Give it to you?”

“Yes, yes, yes. Please,” His free thumb traces your slit, rubbing your clit in two hard circles, causing you to moan out loudly, “I promise I’ll be good.”

He barks out a laugh, voice dropping, “Yeah, bet you will.”

He places just the tip of his cock inside you, but doesn’t move further.

At least he doesn’t move his cock further into you.

You can hear him moving his hand, jerking off his cock, can feel the way his tip throbs, barely inside you.

“Fuck, that’s it.”

It’s borderline sadistic, the way the pathetic noises that leave your mouth are making him feel. The way you’re begging and begging for more.

“Oh?” His tone is condescending, and though you can’t see it, but his head is tilted to the side.

“You need more? Is that right?”

Finally, he takes his left hand away from his cock, placing both hands back on your ass cheeks, to once again pull them apart.

His eyes close as he watches the way your soaking cunt stretches around his cock, “That’s it, isn’t it, baby?”

You clench down at his tone, because if nothing else will show it, his voice will always show the true effect that you have on him.

His hips finally meet your ass, and your eyes are rolled into the back of your head.

“Oh god,”

He leans down to press his chest against your back, skin sticking to your as he breathes heavily in your ear as his hips repeatedly meet your ass and his cock hits that one spot in you over and over and over.

“Fuck, maybe you can be a good girl. Huh?” He grunts into your ear, biting at the cartlidge before he wraps his arm around your neck, squeezing lightly.

“You’re my good girl, aren’tcha? Huh, my good baby?”

You nod frantically, gasping as he tightens his hold around your neck slightly.

“I-I-‘m so good, s-so good,” Drool and tears are falling down your face as your core tightens around him, signalling your impending orgasm.

“Oh?” He beings trusting harder, “Are you going to cum for me? Huh? Cum on my cock?”

You don’t have an opportunity to respond, the only thing leaving your mouth is a broken moan as you cum around him.

He fucks you through it before going just a little harder, just a little deeper, for one, two, three, four more thrusts before his thick cum is filling you in heavy spurts, painting your insides a creamy white.

He rests his weight on you, forehead pressed against the back of your head as he mumbles sweet nothings to you, rubbing your shaking body up and down.

When he finally lifts himself off of you and pulls his cock from your sensitive pussy, he lays next to you, pulling you to his chest as he catches his breath.

“Do you want me to cook you dinner?”

His question is quite, and you groan and shake your head, “Let’s just order chinese.”

He laughs, “If that’s what you want.”

You pull away to look at him, sleepy smile on your pretty face. His hand quickly finds your jaw, gently tracing your features from your brow to your nose to your lips.

Jack pinches you lightly when you bite him, but then leans up to give your lips a small kiss before reaching for his phone to place a takeout order at your favorite chinese restaurant.

Both of you go deathly still when you hear the door to you apartment open, knowing only one other person has a key.

“Honey? You here?” You and Jack are both wide eyed at the muffled sound of your dad’s voice.

[lazysoulwriter]

why watch you when i can ruin you - pedro pascal.

requested! thank you. ♡ his version of "why watch it when i can show you" content: possessive!Pedro, jealousy, mildly rough behavior, established relationship, slight dom/sub dynamic, dirty talk, explicit smut.

---

Pedro had gone suspiciously quiet.

You were maybe halfway through the movie — your new film, your first starring role — and things had just started to heat up onscreen. Literally. The scene had dim lighting, music swelling, and your character backing her love interest against a wall. Then kissing him like her life depended on it.

You didn’t flinch. You knew the choreography by heart, and honestly? It wasn’t even that intense. You looked good. Professional. Convincing.

Pedro, however, looked like he’d swallowed a lemon.

His arm, which had been draped across the back of the couch, now hung rigid at his side. His eyes were locked on the screen, expression unreadable — except for the muscle ticking in his jaw.

“Hey,” you nudged him lightly, “you okay?”

“Yep,” he said, clipped.

You raised a brow. “You sure? Because you’re breathing like someone ran over your dog.”

“I said I’m fine.”

Oh.

Oh, shit.

You blinked. “Wait. Are you… are you jealous?”

He scoffed. “Why would I be jealous of some guy pretending to fuck my girlfriend?”

Wow. There it is.

You bit your lip to stop the laugh. “Pedro—”

He stood up, abruptly, running a hand through his hair like he needed to physically shake off the image. “I mean, fuck. He had his hands all over you. And that little sound you made? You’ve made that sound with me.”

Your heart skipped. “Pedro. Baby. It was acting.”

“Yeah?” he turned, eyes dark, “Then tell me something.”

He crossed the room slowly, crouching in front of you, voice low and taut with something dangerous.

“Did he touch you like this?”

He slid his hand up your thigh — not sweet, not gentle — fingers splayed wide like he wanted to erase every phantom grip that wasn’t his.

You sucked in a breath. “No.”

“Did he kiss you like this?” His mouth was on your neck now, hot and messy, no camera angle to flatter it. Just want.

“No,” you whispered.

“Did he know,” he murmured, lips grazing your ear, “what you sound like when you fall apart? When you sob my name, all wrecked and real and begging for more?”

You were shaking now.

“He didn’t get to see you like this,” Pedro growled, pushing your legs apart, eyes wild. “Didn’t get to feel how warm you are, how wet you get for me.”

“Pedro—”

“I don’t want to hear his name.”

He pulled your shorts down like they offended him, his mouth hot between your thighs before you could say another word.

You gasped, hips bucking, but his grip was firm. “Stay still, cariño. Let me remind you who you fucking belong to.”

And he did.

Over and over again, with his tongue and his hands and his voice rough against your skin. Until you were shaking, breathless, whispering his name like it was the only one you’d ever known.

Later, tangled in the sheets, his chest against your back, Pedro kissed your shoulder and whispered:

“No more sex scenes.”

You laughed, breathless. “You’re not serious.”

He didn’t answer.

Which meant he absolutely was.

---

✦ please do not copy, repost, or translate this work. © lazysoulwriter // i write with a lot of love and care, so please respect that.

[moonstruckme]

Heyy this is my first time I'm requesting from you so I hope I'm doing this properly. I love your fics so much I literally always go to your profile since it's a comfort space for me. I had a flight today that I had to reschedule because I forgot to make an important document. Thankfully it only came to me having to reschedule the flight but I feel so bad cause I feel like I'm constantly forgetting important stuff and making mistakes and have people scramble around me to help fix it even if they tell me it's ok i feel so so bad. Can you write me a comfort fic around smthn like that? Marauders, anyone of them is fine or poly. Sorry if my request is too specific and thx!! 💜

Thanks for requesting angel <3

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

“Walk faster,” you call over your shoulder, laughing.

“Relax.” Sirius’ tone is scoffing. He refuses to quicken his pace down the sidewalk. “They’re not going to kick us out for being ten minutes late, you pest.” 

“They might! It’ll be fifteen by the time we get there at this rate.” 

“And if they do,” James says, catching up to you and throwing an arm around your shoulders, “you can tell them it was all Sirius’ fault.” 

Sirius scoffs again, but it’s an amused sound. James can practically feel Remus’ fond look directed at your slow-moving boyfriend. You’re all in a good, sunshiney mood after spending a long afternoon at the park, teasing without bite and taking pauses for kisses in between quips. Your idea to make reservations at everyone’s favorite dinner spot, always too busy to walk into on a weekend night, was inspired; James’ heart feels as full as his stomach does empty. Nothing sounds better than tucking into a good meal and then spending the rest of the evening near comatose with all of you on the couch. 

You’re twelve minutes late by the time you make it into the restaurant. (James wouldn’t have guessed, but you make a point to let Sirius know.) You give the hostess your name, and she begins searching for your reservation on her list. 

“I apologize, it doesn’t seem we have you down here,” she says after a few moments. 

You smile, sheepish (and adorable). “Yeah, we’re a bit late, sorry. The reservation was actually for seven.” 

“Right.” The hostess glances over the list again, hesitating. “I don’t see your name here at all, I’m afraid.” 

“Oh. Um.” You begin chewing your lip. James exchanges a look with Remus. “I’m sorry, can you check one more time? Just to be sure.” 

The hostess is accommodating. She has you spell out your name, running through the list again before telling you again, remorsefully, that it’s not there. 

“Is it possible you booked with our other location?” she asks you.

Any remnants of a smile drain from your face. Your eyes round out. “There’s another location?” 

“Yes.” She gives you a thin smile. “We have one south of the river as well.” 

“I had no idea,” you say, voice quieter than it had been. 

“Me neither,” James chimes in in solidarity. You’re getting this look like you think you’re an island. Waiting to be attacked from all sides. 

“Alright, that’s okay.” Sirius reaches over to squeeze your shoulder, sensing with the rest of them your rising embarrassment. “We’ll just go there, then. Thank you.” He shoots the hostess a winning smile and leads you back towards the door. 

“I’m sorry,” you say as you go outside. “I had no—I didn’t think to check if there was more than one.” 

“It’s fine.” James shoots you a smile. Remus is already on his phone finding the other location. “I wouldn’t have guessed there was another one either, lovely. But maybe it’ll be even better, yeah? We might end up crossing the river every time if we really love it.” 

You look slightly comforted, but then Remus says, almost under his breath, “Oh.” 

You slow your pace warily. “What?” 

“Um.” He looks up from his phone, wincing like he doesn’t want to say. “It looks like the other location closes a bit earlier than this one. Even if they let us keep our reservation, I’m not very sure we’d make it, and with traffic…” 

“Oh my god.” You bring a hand to your face, rubbing harshly above your brow. “I’m so sorry.” 

“We can find somewhere else to eat around here,” Remus tries to placate you. “It’s not a problem. I think we’re all hungry enough that any food would be good, yeah?” 

“Yes,” James agrees heartily. 

You, however, remain put out. Your walk back to the car becomes a trudge, guilt thickening the air around you. 

“Hey.” Sirius bumps your hip with his. “It’s fine, baby. Everything’s fine. We aren’t going to go hungry.” 

“I know, I just…” You shake your head, gnawing cruelly on your lower lip. “I’m always messing this stuff up. I’m really sorry.” 

James watches as Sirius’ brow creases defensively. Remus ducks to try and catch your eye. “What makes you say that, lovely? This could have happened to anyone.” 

“It always happens to me, though,” you confess lowly. A moment later, you seem to change your mind, waving it away with forced lightness. “It’s fine. I’m just sorry.”

“It only happened to you because you were the one with the idea to make a reservation,” James points out. “We still wouldn’t have ended up with a table if you hadn’t done anything. It was just a little mistake.” 

“Okay,” you say, but your voice is quiet. Your smile wan. “Where should we go?” 

“Hey.” Sirius grabs your hand before you can get into the car. He pulls you into a hug. “Get over yourself, yeah?” he says, squeezing your middle. “Nobody’s upset with you. The same thing could have happened with literally any one of us. If you’d asked me to make the reservation, I would’ve known fuck all about there being more than one and done the exact same. So you’re off the hook, okay?”

“Okay,” you murmur again. 

“That’s right,” says James, taking the opportunity of Sirius’ distraction to position himself closest to the passenger door. Remus sends him a knowing look from across the car. “If Sirius could have done it, it can’t be anything bad.” 

“Precisely.” Sirius grins. He lets go of you but keeps you trapped with his hands on your shoulders, his eyes narrowing playfully. “Stop punishing yourself. No one is asking you to.” 

You shrink a bit, shying in a way that’s difficult to avoid when Sirius makes his gaze all intense like that. Remus looks to be hiding a smile. “Okay,” you say for a third time, sounding like you mean it. “Thanks.” 

“Don’t mention it.” Sirius lets you go, signaling for you to get in the car with a pat to your bum. “James, don’t think I don’t see you edging in on my seat there. Turn it around.” 

[whatsupsonnyboy]

morning | Joseph Quinn

PAIRING: Joseph Quinn x fem!Reader

SUMMARY:  just kind of sex without plot!! you and Joseph like morning sex... who doesn't, right?

wc: 2.1K

warning: smut, mdni!! p in v sex, oral (female receiving) unprotected sex, stablished couple, hungry Joe

a/n: couldn't get this out of my head so, there you go! Hope y'all like it! This is just another os from all of the ones i said i've been writing. It's not an actual series so you can read them without reeding the rest. It's just that they'll belong to the same universe. Anyway, you can find them all here.

requests are open | masterlist 

You opened your eyes slowly, feeling the stiffness in your body begin to fade. You tried to stretch, but you couldn’t—Joe was wrapped around you, holding you close with no intention of letting go. A lazy smile tugged at your lips. You loved waking up like this.

One of his legs was draped over you, as if even in sleep he needed to keep you near. His arm rested heavy around your waist, his body warm and solid against yours. Soft curls tickled the crook of your neck, the scent of his shampoo lingering in the air. You could just barely make out the shape of his lips, slightly parted, his breath slow and steady against your skin. His heartbeat matched yours, a quiet rhythm in the early morning stillness. This—this was the best part of having him home.

You hadn’t wanted to wake him, but resisting the urge to touch him had never been your strong suit. Your fingers threaded through his curls, relishing the way they tangled slightly before springing back into place. He hummed softly, shifting just a little but making no move to release you. Instead, he held you tighter, his face burying even deeper into the curve of your neck, as if clinging to the last remnants of sleep.

Your hand drifted lower, tracing idle patterns along the expanse of his back, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips. His muscles tensed slightly, stretching as he stirred awake.

“Morning,” he murmured, his voice rough with sleep. His eyes remained closed, though he lifted his head just enough for his lips to graze your collarbone.

“It’s still early,” you whispered. “You can sleep a little longer.”

Joe didn’t respond—not with words, anyway. Instead, he shifted, nuzzling against you until his head rested fully on your chest, sighing in contentment.

“Mm, it’d be nice if you let me get up, though,” you laughed softly. Not because you minded being his personal mattress, but because your body was beginning to protest being in the same position for too long.

“What if I don’t want to?” His voice carried a teasing edge now, a hint of something else curling at the edges of his words. His grip around your waist tightened. “You’re mine,” he murmured, lips brushing against your skin, sending a slow shiver down your spine. “And I’m not letting you go anywhere.”

You let out a breathy laugh, already knowing exactly where this was going. And you could feel it—quite literally—against your hip.

Joe had always been the morning type, all warmth and slow, sleepy kisses, his lips pressing lazy, open-mouthed affection across your skin. He liked to mark you in places only the two of you would know, teasing bites that made your breath hitch, his touch lingering, possessive.

And if there was one thing you had learned about Joe, it was that he never started something he didn’t intend to finish.

His hand slipped under your top, finding the soft curve of your breast with practiced ease. His fingers traced slow, deliberate circles around your nipple until it hardened beneath his touch. You couldn’t suppress the quiet moan that escaped your lips, especially when his other hand pressed against the small of your back, urging you closer—letting you feel just how hard he already was, as if you hadn’t noticed.

“I want you,” he rasped against your neck, his breath hot, lips leaving a trail of wet kisses that sent shivers down your spine.

“I can tell,” you teased, your voice breathy as he stole small, teasing kisses from your lips.

Joe chuckled against your mouth before pulling back just enough to look at you. His eyes were darker now, pupils blown wide with need.

You kissed him then, deeper, greedier, as if you were trying to commit the taste of him to memory—as if even a few days apart could make you forget. He groaned into your mouth, the sound vibrating against your lips, and you pressed your body against his, chasing the heat between you.

But patience had never been his strong suit. He tugged your top over your head in one swift motion, tossing it aside without a second thought. His mouth was on you instantly, his tongue flicking over your hardened nipples, teasing, tasting, leaving you squirming beneath him. His right hand trailed lower, fingers slipping beneath the delicate waistband of your thong.

“Fuck, Joe,” you whined, the sensation of his mouth, his hands—his everything—turning you into a trembling mess beneath him.

He pulled back just enough to smirk at you, lips swollen, breath heavy.

“I love how you sound,” he murmured, his voice thick with hunger.

And then, without another word, he shifted between your legs, settling himself lower. Your chest heaved in anticipation, your body already burning with need.

He didn’t bother taking your underwear off. Instead, he simply pushed the damp lace aside and buried himself in your heat, his mouth hot and desperate against you.

A gasp tore from your throat at the sensation—his tongue, his breath, the way he devoured you like he had been starving for you. Your fingers tangled in his curls, tugging as his pace quickened, each flick of his tongue sending you spiraling.

“But fuck,” he groaned against you, his words vibrating through your skin, making your whole body tremble, “I love how you taste even more.”

You spread your legs wider, giving him all the space he needed, surrendering to the intoxicating pleasure of his mouth on you. Every nerve in your body lit up, shivers coursing through you as he devoured you like he had all the time in the world. No matter how many times he had done this before, he always found a way to make it feel even better—like this time would ruin you more than the last.

Your moans filled the room, mixing with the wet sounds of his tongue working over your clit. He knew exactly what you needed, exactly how to push you closer to the edge.

“Joe—” His name came out in a broken gasp, more of a warning than anything else. You were close, really fucking close.

You felt the curve of his stupid grin against your thigh before his fingers joined his tongue, sliding inside you with a slow, deliberate stretch. Two fingers, moving in perfect sync, curling just right.

Words failed you, lost in the overwhelming sensation, and the only thing that left your lips was a desperate, wrecked moan that sent a shudder through Joe’s body.

“That’s it, baby,” he murmured against your skin. “Just let go.”

And you did. Within seconds, you shattered beneath his touch, falling apart on his tongue, his fingers. He groaned as he felt you come undone, as if he could get drunk on the way you trembled for him.

When his eyes finally met yours, you were still shaking, your breath ragged and uneven. He smirked, entirely too pleased with himself, but that look—the one that told you he knew exactly what he had just done to you—only made you crave more.

You grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss, tasting yourself on his lips. The moment your tongue slid against his, his cock twitched against your thigh, still painfully hard.

“You’re hungry for more, huh?” he murmured between kisses, his voice thick with amusement and lust.

“Always,” you admitted, nipping at his bottom lip. “I’m fucking starving when it comes to you.”

Without hesitation, you flipped him onto his back, straddling him, your hips rolling against his still-clothed erection. You started trailing kisses down his neck, slow and teasing, leaving a path down to his shoulders.

Joe groaned, a curse slipping from his lips, his hands gripping your hips tight enough to leave bruises—bruises you knew would still be there tomorrow. But fuck, you loved it. You loved how he handled you like he needed you just as much as you needed him.

You stripped him of his boxers, just as you had done with your abandoned thong, tossing them carelessly onto the floor. You were desperate to feel him—completely, exactly as he was. And yet, you didn’t let him slip inside you right away.

Instead, you dragged your dripping center against him, letting the hard length of his shaft slide over your swollen clit. The friction sent electric pulses through your body. He could feel how wet you were, feel your slick coating him as you rocked against him, teasing, tormenting.

“I need to be inside you,” he groaned. It should have been a command, but it came out as a plea—low, rough, edged with hunger.

You wanted to tease him longer, to make him beg for it, but you were just as desperate. Maybe more.

Lifting your hips, you positioned yourself over him, feeling the thick tip of his cock press against your entrance. Slowly, Joe pushed inside, stretching you inch by inch, making you take him. Your moans tangled together, shameless and raw, filling the space between you.

No matter how many times he had been inside you, he always made you feel completely, devastatingly full.

Your hips moved instinctively, finding a slow, deep rhythm, pulling soft, breathy moans from him that matched your pace—controlled at first, almost painfully so. But it didn’t last.

Soon, you picked up the rhythm, rolling your body against him, and his hands gripped your ass tightly, guiding your movements, pressing you down onto him. You kept your eyes locked on him because you loved to watch him like this—lips parted, swollen, his pupils blown wide as he stared at you. He couldn’t take his eyes off your body, the way your breasts bounced with every movement, the way you took him so well.

You wanted to burn this image of him into your mind forever.

The groans spilling from his lips spurred you on, making you rock against him faster, harder, taking him deeper. The friction was dizzying, overwhelming, and the way he met your thrusts—his hips snapping up to meet yours, filling you over and over again—made your vision blur.

“Fuck, Joe…” you whimpered, and he cursed under his breath, gripping you tighter as he thrust into you, deeper, harder.

He answered by meeting your hips with his own, thrusting up into you so deep it knocked the air from your lungs. Your head tilted back, your breath turning ragged, the sound of skin slapping against skin growing louder, filthier.

“Babe,” he choked out, voice strained, his control slipping. You could tell he was close.

So you didn’t stop, chasing the pleasure flooding through you, knowing you were right there with him.

Joe caught on, grabbing your hips, shifting the rhythm so you were grinding against him instead of bouncing, the new angle making his cock press against that perfect, devastating spot inside you. Your mouth fell open, a strangled moan leaving your lips as your entire body tensed. The pressure coiled tight in your belly, spreading like wildfire, consuming you whole.

He felt it.

Felt the way your walls clenched around him, squeezing him, dragging him over the edge right along with you. He groaned your name as he came, spilling into you just as you shattered around him, your legs shaking, your body trembling violently against his.

The room was filled with the sounds of it—heavy breathing, skin against skin, the sharp thud of the headboard hitting the wall as both of you came undone.

And for a moment, nothing else existed but this.

The air in the room was thick, heavy with heat and the scent of sweat and sex. Your body still trembled slightly, your muscles aching in the best possible way as you collapsed against him, your forehead resting on his damp shoulder.

Joe's arms wrapped around you lazily, fingers tracing soft, absentminded circles on your back. His heartbeat was still erratic beneath your cheek, his breath uneven as he let out a satisfied, breathy chuckle.

“Fuck,” he muttered, voice hoarse. “You’re gonna kill me one of these days.”

You smirked, pressing a slow, open-mouthed kiss against his neck. “Then at least you’ll die happy.”

His chest shook with laughter, and he tightened his hold on you, as if he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. Neither were you.

For a while, neither of you spoke. There was no need. Just the warmth of his skin against yours, the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath you.

Then Joe hummed lazily, tilting his head to press a kiss to your temple.

“You up for round two?”

You bit your lip, trying—and failing—not to laugh. “You’re insatiable.”

He smirked, flipping you onto your back in one smooth motion, his body settling comfortably over yours.

“And you love it.”

[faiszt]

cockwarming w bob. that's it, thats the tweet

COCKWARMING ╱ with BOB REYNOLDS ⠀◟ ୨ blurb !♥︎ minors do not interact⠀⠀⠀ ────⠀⠀⠀ headcanon based

diary notes⠀✴⠀·⠀i love your brain for thinking of this, i guess this is bob’s blurb that i enjoyed writing the most. touch-starved bob reynolds save me right now, pls ‹/3

he loved having physical contact with you, whether it was just hugging you, intertwining your fingers with his, or leaving loving kisses on your shoulder. bob liked everything that involved the idea of being able to touch you, of feeling your soft skin and being able to appreciate it the way he liked. he’s touch-starved, he needs it.

he took it literally when it came to deeply touching you whenever he could. not only because it was pleasurable, but because you could talk about anything while his cock was buried inside you, being warmed by your tight, comforting heat that he craved daily. you couldn’t deny him when he asked so politely, caressing your waist and giving you little kisses until you were straddling him.

telling him about your day was part of the process as he pulled his hardened length out of his boxers, moving your panties to the side just enough so he could rub himself against your soft folds. “i’m glad you had a good day, princess.” he’d murmur softly, smiling innocently as if he wasn’t trying to slip the tip of his cock inside you little by little. “i missed you, you know?”

cockwarming almost seemed so much more sentimental to him than sex itself, he liked knowing that you felt like he was a part of you, that he had the freedom to be inside you for more than just carnal pleasures. there was pleasure, for sure, but there was also a deeper connection than just what appeared to be on the surface. it made him truly happier, calmer... perhaps, it could even be said that you were, well... helping to take care of his mental health in a way.

“i missed you too.” you whispered, giving him a sweet smile as your fingers gently brushed some of his dark hair away from his face, he looked at you like you were the most precious thing he had ever seen. “and your day? how was it?”

by this point, he was already completely buried inside you—which made you let out a low moan for a moment, leaving him somewhat agitated beneath you. “the drums you gave me are cool,” bob answered. he snuggled deeper into the pillow behind his head, his large hands gripping your hips, just to make sure you stayed still and comfortable in his lap while warming him the way you both loved. “but, the neighbors will complain about the noise i made all afternoon... i’m not really good at this yet.”

his little giggled warmed your chest, you leaned over him and laid your head in the crook of his neck, leaving a few soft kisses there that sent shivers down his spine. “don’t do that, i get shivers...” he complained, but it was a meaningless complaint. if you never did that again, he’d probably complain that you didn’t love him anymore and that’s why you stopped giving him little kisses on the neck.

“if the neighbors complain, i can just tell them to fuck off.” your kisses rose to the corner of his lips, your eyes staring into his ocean blue ones. “besides, they never complained about the other noises at night... why would they complain about you playing drums in the afternoon?”

his eyebrows raised at your sentence, nodding and processing the words you had said. “other noises at night?” the question was more to himself than to you, so you could almost see the light bulb go off over his head as he really understood what you meant. “oh, yeah... the other noises. you’re probably right, i guess.”

“i’m always right.” you said smugly, pressing your lips against his soft ones for a quick peck—one he didn’t want to stop so quickly. bob’s hand, which was previously caressing your hip, rose to the back of your neck, keeping your lips against his without you being able to move away completely, he didn’t want just a few pecks, not today. he was usually a little more restrained than that, but come on, he was a good boy for you all day like you told him to be when he was home alone, he deserved it.

a low growl tore from his throat, deepening the kiss as his tongue slid across your bottom lip and almost begged for entry. in an intimate dance, your tongues touched and sucked each other while his other hand pressing your hip harder to the point where it slightly hurt as he kept you pressed against him. bob wanted to feel every inch of your body, every point of heat, being buried balls deep inside you still seemed like nothing compared to how much he craved you, not just your body, but everything that means you.

there was no safer place for him than inside you, feeling your body against his, your breathing heavy and your hands against his neck, just how he wanted, the fuel he needed.

when your lips parted, he continued to pepper kisses across your cheek, simply unable to keep his lips away from your soft skin. “you get prettier when you’re flustered by something i did.” he whispered against your ear before placing one last kiss against her earlobe, snuggling into the pillows again. “i like how you widen your eyes...”

these compliments were almost typical of him, always paying attention to every little detail of your expressions, studying your reactions to what he did. bob wanted to please you, in every way, ’cause you also deserved what only he could give you and there was no doubt about that.

“princess,” he called to you when you were silent, enjoying the feeling of being filled by him. “can i sleep inside you tonight, please? your pussy is so warm and it feels good... i don’t wanna pull out. can i?” his eyes almost looked like a puppy’s, staring at you while tenderly stroked your strands of hair. he loved your hair—the color, texture and the smell of your shampoo, every little thing about it—and he knew you liked it when he petted you like that.

“you wanna sleep inside me?” it wasn’t strange, it was just a new request, you had already thought of the idea back then, but it was something new when he was the one asking you for it. “okay, baby, we can do it.” there probably wouldn’t be a day when you’d deny him something, especially when you also wanted to do it.

his smile widened as if you had given him something he had been longing for—well, in a way, that was the case—and he pressed his lips against yours once more. “thank you, sweet pea.” his hand that had remained on your hip the entire time moved, going to your ass and squeezing it, massaging the skin his fingers touched. “i’ll give you your reward in the morning, yeah? pinky promise, love. you deserve all that.”

REQUESTS ARE OPEN.⠀⠀feel free to send me asks and suggestions in my inbox, you’ll be welcome. ꒰ ˶> ˕ <˶ ꒱ ♡

©⠀𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐙𝐓, 2025.⠀don’t use my work without my consent.

[gracie-eilish]

can you write billie and reader just cooking dinner together? like just super fluffy and wholesome - maybe, if ur comfy, billie is really proud of the reader and how she's healed her relationship with food??

comfort food

warnings: none, just fluff :)

an: i’m home alone for the night and this is just so what i imagine nights would be like

“hi lovey!” billie called out from the living room at the sound of the front door to her apartment closing. she knew it was you.

“hi bub,” you replied with less energy than usual.

you walked into her living room, already donning some sweats, dropping your overnight bag next to the couch, before dropping yourself onto billie’s lap, melting into her arms.

“long day?” she asked, kissing your hair.

“mm, not really. just kinda chaotic, lot of weird things going on.” you nuzzled your nose by her jaw, taking in her scent and feeling your heartbeat slow as you relaxed.

“wanna talk about it? i mean, how chaotic can a gift store be?” she giggled playfully.

“ugh don’t even get me started,” you sat up a bit so you could see her better. “BUT! if you would like to get me started, can we at least make food first, i’m literally withering away over here.”

billie snorted at your theatrics, but scooted you off her so you two could head to the kitchen. you headed over to her pantry, opening the door and just taking a look in at what you two were working with.

“whatcha wanna make, doll? or we could order something, whatever you want.”

“do you have pasta sauce?” you asked rather pointedly, making billie giggle at your sudden enthusiasm.

“i believe i do,”

“GREAT! i want pasta.” you cut her off, and billie nearly doubled over at your hangry tendencies.

the two of you had been dating for about a month now, and she found something new to love about you every day. today happened to be your love (and aggressive craving) of pasta.

“sit down, you, let the italian take over here.” billie lifted her hands in surrender and leaned back against the counter while you shuffled around her kitchen like you belonged there, setting up a pot of water to boil. while the water started to simmer, you grabbed everything else you would need.

“you want something else in there? i have stuff to make vegan vodka sauce or alfredo? ooh or! my mom sent me this spicy pasta recipe….. you don’t look excited about any of those, babe.” you giggled, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“you’re adorable. thank you, but i think i just want regular pasta tonight. that spicy pasta i may ask for next time, though.”

you sent billie on pasta water duty while you slipped away to the bathroom real quick. when you returned, billie was taking the spaghetti out of the box, ready to go into the water.

“did you salt the water?!” she froze like a deer in the headlights.

“salt the water? does that like affect the taste?” you stood staring at her for a moment.

“you know what i’m gonna be so honest with you, i have zero fucking clue what it does.”

“let the italian take over!” she mocked.

“just gimme that,” you couldn’t hide your smile if you tried. pinching some salt into the water, and dropping the pasta in, all while billie snuck her arms around your waist, resting her chin on your shoulder.

you both simultaneously turned your heads when a certain duo padded into the kitchen, soft whines filling the air.

“well hello you two,” billie said in her little voice, looking at the two dogs that had been fed… not even 30 minutes ago. she kneeled down to give them both pets while you continued stirring your noodles. she stopped suddenly looking past them for a second, then turning to face you.

“can dogs eat spaghetti?” she couldn’t even get the sentence out before you both were crying with laughter.

for a while, you two just stood in comfortable silence, occasionally broken by puppy whines, while you stirred the noodles. you tapped the spoon a few times before setting it down and turning around in billie’s arms. you laid your head on her shoulder, closing your eyes. she inhaled deeply and pressed a few kisses to the top of your head.

“i like when you’re here like this,” she whispered softly, her own eyes fluttering closed.

“like what?” you mumbled into her hoodie.

“like.. like normal. like when i’m doing laundry, or you’re cleaning your bathroom when we’re at your place. orrrrrr… when we’re cooking dinner together after a long day at work.”

you lifted your head up, blushing as you bit back a smile.

“i like it too.” she leaned in, closing the gap between you, pulling you closer by your waist, your own arms wrapping around her neck softly.

a sizzling sound on the stove made you both pull away suddenly.

“shit!” you giggle whispered, turning the heat down a bit watching your pasta practically bubble over.

once you had dodged that fiacso, you looked over to see billie already prepping the sauce in two bowls; one how she likes it, and the other how you like it. you turned off the stove, and went to go grab a strainer... only to find it already in the sink ready for you to use.

"let me do that, love," billie carefully took the pot from your hand, pouring the pasta into the strainer carefully. now it was your turn to wrap your arms around her from behind. you rested your cheek between her shoulder blades while she shook out the excess water, and scooped it into your two bowls. she turned around, cupping your cheeks, squishing them a bit, before giving you a dramatic kiss.

the two of you sat down next to each other at billie's little kitchen table, your head on her shoulder while you both started eating.

"so you wanna tell me about your chaotic day now?" she nudged your side.

"OH MY GOD I FORGOT!" your mouth was full of food, but your energy and enthusiasm spiked right back up from earlier. "you remember mr. black friday?" billie scrunched her nose, nodding, remembering one of your little characters from work.

"HE FUCKING SHOWED UP TODAY!" the two of you sat and talked for the next hour, shifting positions every so often to get comfy on the kitchen chairs, chatting like two teenage girls at a sleepover.

it was fun, it was easy, it was domestic, it was warm and cozy.

billie cleared the table, smiling as she saw the bottom of your bowl scraped clean. she didn't say anything about it, but she was proud. you continued to yap away about the silly customers who overshared their lives, that one old lady who always returned things within 24 hours of purchasing them, and that one dude who never failed to show up with his dog for some reason.

without interrupting, she lured you back over to the couch, letting you drape yourself in her lap, cozying up to her under the fluffy throw blanket she had tossed over the side.

as she listened to you talk, billie couldn't help but feel like this was so much more than comfort food. this was you finding comfort in the private corners of billie's life, nuzzling your way deeper and deeper into her heart with each passing day.

[lvnleah]

Would you write a bit where Hayden is really nervous about motherhood, like terrified, and maybe has a chat to like Amanda or Katrina Gorry or literally anyone with kids who reassure her about the whole thing and tell her she’ll be fine

not alone | no more secrets.

“She’s so good with her,” you smiled as you watched Kyra run around with Harper as the pair of them chased a ball. “I can't wait for days like this when my little bubba’s older.”

“Are you excited?” Katrina asked you, “You’re 26 weeks, it’ll fly by, before you know it she’ll be here.”

You watched Kyra and Harper laughing together, the sight filling you with a mix of joy and nervous anticipation.

“I think so,” you replied, your voice a little quieter than usual. “But it feels so far away, and also, like, right around the corner. I don’t know… it’s like, I’m so excited, but then I panic. What if I can’t handle it?”

Katrina gave you a soft, understanding smile, her gaze moving from Koby, who was resting contentedly in her arms, to you. “You’ll handle it, you will. It’s normal to doubt yourself, especially in the beginning, but you’re already thinking about it. That’s half the battle.”

You nodded, though the doubt still lingered in the back of your mind. The thought of being a parent, being responsible for a tiny, helpless baby, was overwhelming.

“I just keep thinking about how much everything is going to change.” You sighed, “Like, I’m going to be responsible for a little human.”

Katrina shifted Koby slightly and gave you a knowing look. “Everything is going to change. But not all change is bad. You’ve got people around you who love you. You’re not doing this alone.”

Your eyes drifted back to Kyra as she scooped Harper up dramatically, both of them giggling as she spun the little girl in a circle. You smiled without meaning to, the sight easing something in your chest.

“She’s been… really amazing,” you said softly, almost more to yourself than to Katrina.

Katrina hummed. “She’s been completely smitten with you since day one.”

Your head snapped to look at her. “What?”

“Oh come on,” Katrina laughed. “You really think she offers to do grocery runs with you just because she loves supermarkets? Or that she shows up to every appointment ‘just in case you need someone to drive you home’? That girl would wrap you in bubble wrap if she could.”

You looked away, biting down the flush rising to your cheeks. “She’s just being a good friend.”

Katrina raised an eyebrow. “I know what it’s like dating with kids. It was the exact same situation for me and Clara, but it’s close enough. Just let her in and be there for you.”

“I’m scared I won’t know what to do,” you admitted, your hands resting protectively over the curve of your bump. “Like, what if she cries and I can’t figure out why? What if I mess something up and she gets sick or hurt?”

“You will figure it out,” Katrina said gently. “I promise you will. Every parent has those thoughts. I had them and I still get them some days. You’ll learn her little cues, and what she needs. You’ll learn together.”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night just thinking about if she’ll be okay.” You sighed, “Like, what if she doesn’t sleep, or she hates the car, or I can’t get her to feed right?”

Katrina gave a soft laugh. “You’ll have nights where you cry in the dark with her in your arms, and then mornings where she smiles at you for the first time and everything else fades. It’s hard, but it’s not all hard. And you’re not doing this alone, no matter how much it might feel like it sometimes.”

“I don’t even know how to hold a newborn properly,” you whispered, the vulnerability catching in your throat.

Katrina smiled, “You’ll learn. You’ve got a whole load of support. And me. And Kyra. And everyone else who loves you. You’ll learn. Honestly, they just want to be close to you and feel safe. You already know how to love her. That’s the most important thing.”

You blinked back tears, overwhelmed by the weight of it all, “I just want to be a good mum.”

“You will be,” Katrina said without hesitation. “Because you already care so much.”

Kyra jogged over a moment later, cheeks flushed and hair wild, carrying a breathless, grinning Harper in her arms.

“She wore me out,” Kyra laughed, carefully lowering Harper onto the picnic blanket beside you. “You alright?” she asked.

You nodded, wiping your eyes before the tears could properly fall. “Yeah. Just… having a moment.”

“No over ice cream right?” Kyra asked wearily, “Because if you start crying and screaming over it like you did the other night then I might—”

You shook your head and cut her off, “No, Ky.” you laughed, “Just thinking about everything. About baby girl. About being her mum.”

“Thank god because I couldn’t cope,” Kyra mumbled, sitting down beside you.

You let out a shaky laugh, your hand instinctively rubbing your belly again as your baby rolled gently beneath your palm.

Maybe Katrina was right. Maybe you would learn. Maybe it was okay to be scared, as long as you kept showing up anyway.

[bubbleggum444]

—❝GIDDY FEELING❞

𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 damian wayne x fem!reader, youtuber!reader au, fluff, 2.6k+ wc.

𝑠𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑝𝑠𝑖𝑠 reader and damian finally connect on instagram, leading to a sweet, slightly awkward chat that ends with damian inviting her to gotham-and her saying yes. pt. 5 of "unexpected crush?!" 2 3 4

Was this guy dense or something?!

It had been well over an hour since Damian and ___ had followed each other on Instagram. So why hadn’t he texted her yet?

Was he waiting on her to make the first move?

Did he fall asleep?

Could he smell her breath through the phone and got scared off when she followed him?

—Okay, that sounded ridiculous. Ugh! She couldn’t help but be ridiculous, though.

This guy was literally stunning. And rich, too—like, everything he sent her? $$$ >>>

And don’t even get her started on his abs—nom nom nom—

What did he train for? Olympic godhood? Being blessed by the divine?

‘Come on.’

‘Come on.’

‘Come onnnn, pleaseeee.’

From pacing around her room to collapsing on her vanity like a grouchy cryptid, ___ was not doing well.

With a loud sigh, she slid off and faceplanted onto the soft mattress of her bed.

‘Welp. That’s it. Just a cruel joke—’

Ding

Her heart leapt into her throat. Her eyes darted to her screen:

Damian sent you a message.

“Thank you LORD!”

She scrambled for her phone, hands shaking with excitement, a warm blush spreading fast over her cheeks. Giddiness buzzed through her.

"Hello. I'm Damian Wayne. You may call me Damian. I just wanted to let you know I like your content."

Oh wow. He sounded a bit... snobby.

Then again, he was rich.

Her giddiness dipped—but not her hope.

‘So... he’s a fan. I mean duh. He said that in his letter…’

.

.

.

‘THE LETTER! That’s it! You, dear Damian, can be as nonchalant as you want, but I have proof you’re smitten with me. Hehehehehe... Muahahahahaha—’

She tapped out a reply:

"Why the nonchalance, Dami? Don’t seem so in the letter you sent me. wink wink"

She immediately screamed into her pillow after sending it. Was she really flirting with the literal cutest guy ever—who also happened to live oceans away? Yes.

Did she care?

Yeah. She was terrified. But she had to be LeBron James and shoot her shot. Because right now, all he was being was Franz Kafka, writing letters with no action.

"Ah. You read it. I mean, of course you have. I'm sorry for being so... brass."

"Quite the opposite. You were romantic. And I liked it. A lot."

Minutes passed without a reply. Her knee bounced impatiently.

Then a small GIF popped up in the chat: a blushing kitty with "thanks" written underneath.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

He was so... freaking cute.

"I'm flattered. I hope you liked the present as well. A small token of appreciation. Your videos bring me peace. I hope my present gave you as much happiness as you’ve given me peace."

She almost blacked out from the short-circuiting of her heart, brain—her entire existence.

His words... the way he typed...

His modesty. His gentleness. His respectfulness.

‘Okay... I need to chill.’

She got up, went to the mirror, and stared at her tomato-red face. Then shuffled into the bathroom, running cold water over her hands and pressing them to her cheeks, then her neck.

How could she respond? She wanted to sound respectful, but still flirt—just a little.

Ding

Her phone lit up again.

She rushed over.

"I was wondering if… you’d be interested in coming to the U.S.? More specifically—here. Gotham. Where I live. I’d love it if we could meet. Maybe for coffee?"

Oh wow.

She blinked.

She was flattered... but—

How was she supposed to explain that she couldn’t afford to travel? That she was broke broke?

Like—“sorry dudez, me no money, me brokey”???

Then another message came in:

"I’ll pay for it. For everything. I want to meet you. It doesn’t have to be now. But… hopefully in the future? We can see each other through video in the meantime. Get to know each other."

And then, as if reading her mind:

"I promise I’m not a creep. You saw my account, yeah? I... just want to... get to know you. In a... more romantic manner, if possible."

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum

Her heartbeat thundered. She felt lightheaded.

He was being direct. With her.

But still... respectful. Thoughtful.

Her fingers trembled slightly as they hovered over the keyboard. She kept glancing back up to make sure his messages were still there, that she wasn’t hallucinating.

She reread her message before sending it.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

"Sure. I’d love that, Damian. I’d love to meet you."

In that moment, ___ felt like they were both leaning closer to their screens. Trying to close the distance. Trying to feel near, even though they were far.

Did he feel it too?

All she said was that she’d like to meet him—but somehow, it felt like a confession.

Sure. I’d love that, Damian. I’d love to meet you.

I’d love that, Damian. I love you.

She flopped back on the bed, letting her phone rest on her chest and an arm fall over her eyes.

‘What are you doing to me, Damian Wayne…?’

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ

𝑏𝑢𝑏𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑔𝑔𝑢𝑚444©

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 <𝟑

╭────────────────────.★..─╮

🏷️;

@liabiamiakiawia @jason-todd-fangirl-14

@shirp-collector-of-fixations @1abi

@nervousalpacalady @silverklaus

@riaaavm  @queenofviolenceandnerds

@noecyan @theonlyjuggernaut @iiriam5

★

author's note 1: pov: reader waiting 4 dami to message her

╰─..★.────────────────────╯

[akdw]

OK let's settle this whole "Katniss doesn't love Peeta!" "Katniss and Peeta shouldn't have ever gotten together!" nonsense

Before the 74th Games even begins, Katniss takes note of Peeta: What he does, how good he is at wrestling, who exactly he loses to during wrestling. How odd for a girl hyper-focused on her survival and food, to pay attention this closely to him. Katniss even said it herself: She'd been keeping tabs on the boy with the bread.

When Peeta compliments her during the chariot rides, she literally gets a feeling of warmth rushing through her body. Remember, at this point, Katniss knows she shouldn’t get too close to him, yet she can’t stop herself from feeling warm after Peeta’s compliment.

The dinner after Katniss’ fiasco at the Training Center, she’s super upset and scared. But a quick talk from Haymitch and Peeta gets her to calm down, and she even laughs and grins at Peeta’s jokes. This is the girl who said it was MONTHS before she returned Gale’s smiles in the woods, and that was in much better circumstances. She said that usually only Prim can pull a good laugh out of her, yet here Peeta pulls an easy smile and laugh from her, in arguably still pretty terrible circumstances.

After Seneca Crane announces that the rules have reverted to the original, that only one of them can win, Peeta begins to unbandage his wounds. And Katniss frantically tries to place them back, and you know exactly what she says here? “... If he[Peeta] dies, I’ll never go home, not really. I’ll spend the rest of my life in this arena, trying to think my way out.” And this is still the very first book, so isn’t it odd that a girl that cares so little about Peeta said this?

In the final page of the book, Katniss says: Already, the boy with the bread is slipping away from me. I take his hand, holding on tightly, preparing for the cameras, and dreading the moment when I will finally have to let go. Katniss is upset that Peeta is already distancing himself, but she’s just so unsure of her situation that she can’t sort out her feelings. But one thing she is sure of is that she does NOT want to lose the boy with the bread. He’s been on her mind for years now, and she cannot lose him.

I’ve seen people say that they didn’t believe Katniss grew to care for Peeta after “fake-caring” about him for a long time. Because she DIDN’T fake-care. She cared so much, but she was wrapped up in so many terrible circumstances. She always cared, from the start, from the very beginning, her love just grew stronger from there forward.

CATCHING FIRE:

To start with the obvious, she feels safe when sleeping next to Peeta. He’s her only escape from nightmares, and she feels comforted by him. She even insists that he should wake her up if he needs to because Katniss wants to comfort him, too. Peeta is her main, primary source of peace and comfort and she was sad to sleep alone again after the Victory Tour.

A little while after the Quarter Quell gets announced, Katniss instantly begins fighting for Peeta’s life, making a deal with Haymitch and that is her MAIN.FOCUS. All throughout the Training Center, she’s thinking about one thing: Keeping him alive. Pulling crazy stunts in front of the Gamemakers so they wouldn’t focus on Peeta’s rebellious acts. Accepting with remorse that other tributes had to die for Peeta to survive. Hoping her family would put Peeta’s pearl next to her dead body when he makes it out alive. I don’t understand how people say she doesn’t care about him when she’s literally fighting tooth and nail to keep him alive, to keep him safe.

Katniss is an unreliable narrator: She doesn’t always talk abt smaller details either because she doesn’t know them or doesn’t care to say it. But with Peeta, girl she will write a whole biography abt it. She yapped abt his EYELASHES for like an entire paragraph. She doesn’t provide any family history, heck not even her moms name, any district history, but she sure as hell will yap abt her crush’s appearance for pages. If that isn’t a sign of her attraction to him…

When Peeta gets hit by the force field and his heart temporarily stops, Katniss goes WILD. Sobbing, making choked noises, crying so hard that both Finnick and Peeta were shocked. Remember, Katniss is super good at hiding emotions, wiping them clean off her face. In the 74th Games, she sometimes forced herself to keep a straight face so whenever Prim was watching, she wouldn’t feel extra concerned. Yet the second she thinks Peeta might die, she completely freaks out.

It’d be impossible to talk abt Everlark’s development without mentionjng the beach scene. Because in that scene Katniss knows for. sure. She wants this boy so much. She realizes she’ll be completely gone if Peeta is gone as well. She wants him to kiss her and she just wants HIM. (also…she usually only kisses Gale out of pity <3) The very second she got the news that Peeta was kidnapped, oh she went insane. Apeshit crazy, like she was banging her head against the table and attacking Haymitch and even said that she barely had the will to live anymore-That’s just how deeply Peeta’s kidnapping wounded her

MOCKINGJAY:

To sum it all up, Katniss is heartbroken. Way over the edge in her grief over Peeta. Even before the hijacking, before she realized what Snow would really do to Peeta, she was a complete mess. Nightmares, refusing to stick to schedule, hiding in places, etc etc. and this gets worse as she realizes that he’s not going to die: His life will be so much worse than death, it’ll be hell. This crushes her as she completely breaks down sobbing in front of the camera team and Haymitch and literally had to be drugged after slipping into hysteria.

And then after the hijacking? She’s out throwing herself into dangerous situations, doing anything and everything to get him off her mind. He is much too painful to think about.

Also important to note: She treasures the pearl Peeta gave her THE WHOLE BOOK. A reminder of the boy with the bread, a token of his love and care. A reminder of the boy she LOVES.

When Peeta joined the squad, Katniss was cold and mean at first, yes, but only as a defense mechanism. It only took a quick pep talk from Haymitch to get her back on track. Because Katniss and Peeta protect each other. And when Peeta asks questions abt their favorite colors, she just spills out so many mundane, odd little facts about Peeta. All the way down to how he ties his shoelaces. In the barely-one-year-ish they knew each other(Majority of that year being in terrible situations) she learned abt this boy all the way down to little facts like that. Katniss just KNOWS him so well. She just notices things about him and knows him.

When Peeta starts to slip during a mutt attack and fears he might lose control, Katniss kisses him. Hard, fiercely, kisses him and begs him to stay with her. Katniss needs Peeta, she needs him to stay with her, because he is her primary source of comfort and peace. She knew it was a long shot, yet she kissed him anyway because of this longing.

After Primrose dies and Katniss is back in District 12, she is not doing well at all. Her hair is tangled and matted, nails long and dirty and she’s just not motivated to take care of herself. But the very minute Peeta came? With the primroses in his hand? She found her strength, she changed clothes and washed up and tidied up. Peeta gives her strength, just him being around for a few minutes can motivate her to do more and do better.

Katniss talks abt how Peeta helps her with nightmares afterward, and again, it’s another sign of how Peeta just makes her feel SAFE. Good, warm, at peace. Not to mention the memory book she did with him! Another sign of them moving on peacefully after the war, of loving and living but never forgetting.

Katniss literally calls Peeta her dandelion, her sign of HOPE AND LOVE, a promise life can GO ON AND BE GOOD. She literally says “Only Peeta can give me that.” Peeta means the world to her!

Most importantly: In the end, Katniss has children and is able to recover from her biggest fear of the books: Being unable to protect little kids in a world like Panem, whether they’re her kids or siblings or friends. Peeta allowed her to move on and retain her faith in humanity and still love as brightly and vividly as ever.

(I wrote this whole thing in under 30 mins so I most definitely missed some other important points. Please lmk if you’ve got anything to add! :D)

[darlingdaisyfarm]

that college!ford fic is just ✨chef's kiss✨, now i wanna know what would happen if like there's a college dance party or something, like that prom night, and reader's in a dress, easily accessible and 👀👀

THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY WRITING AND SENDING THIS

nsfw (i didn’t mean to ramble this much i’m so sorry)

i’ve been thinking about this exact thing. fidgety, touch-starved, first-relationship Ford makes me insane. where he’s never had a girlfriend before and he doesn’t even realize half the time how obsessed he is... this boy is so smart but he is the dumbest little horndog when it comes to you. he’s not even doing anything at first, letting his fingers stay on your waist while you’re both getting drinks at the refreshment table. standing behind you with his hands over your hips, thumbs dangerously close to slipping under your dress. and when you look at him all teasing he blushes, “sorry! i wasn’t, just wanted to make sure you weren’t cold!!”

but wait wait wait. so before the party.. this is exactly the kind of situation where he is being soooo shy and uptight and trying his best to be composed but failing miserably because his girlfriend, aka you, has been walking around his dorm in only her underwear all evening, trying on dress after dress “Ford, what do you think about this one?” and he’s sitting on the bed with his face in his hands like please don’t make me answer that because he’s hard as a rock and he’s not sure if he should be ashamed or if this is just what love feels like.

you know what you’re doing. you’re asking him to zip you up and turn you around, and every time you do he gasps as if he's seeing you for the first time, clutching the zipper. he's standing here with those cute flushed cheeks and wide brown eyes, clearly trying not to stare at you too weird but failing, and you catch him and he’s stuttering “i-i wasn’t, i didn’t“ and then buries his face into your shoulder in defeat, Ford's trying so hard to be good. but he’s not good. he’s a groper and a perv and he’s sooo embarrassed about it.

so when you got only fifteen minutes till party starts, Ford is sitting on the edge of the dorm bed with a boner while you’re adjusting your stockings in the mirror, asking if your eyeliner’s even, and he's pretending to read some book about space and planets but hasn't turned a page in twenty minutes. and yes, he made you wear the stockings. “it’s cold out,” he said, looking you dead in the eye. they’ve got the silky sheer slide and you already know he’s gonna lose his mind over them later.

but also, guess why he's so fucking embarrassed? you already had sex once today. hours ago in early morning. you were in his t-shirt with some nerdy print, not wearing your bra and he was spooning you and suddenly oops his hands were on your tits and you were both sleepy and needy and it just happened. he came inside and got all shy about it after, started talking about washing the sheets and you had to literally climb on top of him again so he’d shut up.

and ugh, it's not like you didn't fuck last night too? you were in his dorm because you stayed the night (of course you did) and he’d gotten hard just watching you brush your teeth in your tiny pajama shorts, and the next thing you knew he was fucking you half-asleep against the sink. it was so damn messy and sleepy but also filthy because his brain is just. fried. he came so fast too, because he’s just. always so needy. but he kisses your shoulder and buries his face in your neck and makes this soft little sound like “i’m sorry, i just- i can’t help it with you my love“ and of course you forgave him because you’re so in love with him it hurts.

anyways back to the party. so hours later you both show up at this college dance party and you’re wearing that little fucking dress and lipgloss and Ford wants to be normal, he swears he does. but you’re SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL and you’re touching him and he just keeps. groping. your. ass. without realizing it. and bonus point if you're gently taking his hand and putting it right back where it was, and Ford laughs and chokes on it at the same time. because that means you’re rewarding his perviness and he doesn’t know how to process that. he’s so shy. he’s absolutely gonna cum in his pants if you kiss him again and he’s aware of that and it makes it so much worse.

and trust me Ford gets so embarrassed about how grabby he is??? he’ll touch you and then flinch like “i’m sorry, was that okay? was that too much? i just. it’s this dress. you look. incredible. spectacular. im not a pervert“

at end Ford agrees to one slow dance and regrets it instantly. you're pressed up against him and he is very hard and very aware of it. he stares at the ceiling, swallowing. refuses to look down, but your perfume is driving him crazy and your hips keep brushing his. then you raise an eyebrow asking “you okay, baby?” and he's ready to howl from how ETHEREAL you look, his first love, his first relationship, first everything. he tries to come up with some dumb excuse until Fiddleford walks by and snorts out a “boy, at least wait till the music’s over first!!!! booo! booo!!”

AND SORRY BUT when dancing, he’s doing the thing where he keeps his hand half on your waist but doesn’t know where else to put it so it keeps drifting, lower and lower, and you’re like “FORD.” and he just squeaks out “sorrysorrysorry” and turns bright red and does it again two minutes later. he’s just so hot and sweaty and stunned, but you know better. you know that hand is on your ass when he thinks no one’s looking. he thinks he’s being subtle but he’s literally cupping you through the fabric. and like. breathing a little heavy. . . you’ve got a feral man on your hands.

and and and then he has to go sit down because he’s dizzy from how hard he is. Ford sits down in a corner with his legs crossed trying to hide his boner while you’re out there dancing and twirling and blowing kisses at him from across the room. he looks like he’s gonna cry

you just have this poor boy by the throat. he’s trying to be sweet and proper and gentlemanly “dontbeafreakdontbeafreak” but he can’t stop groping you like his life depends on it. and he’s gonna ruin that little dress tonight. it's obvious. he’s gonna rip it off you with shaking hands and whisper “sorry, sorry, i’ll get you another one, i’ll buy you five more, i just- need you right now, need to feel you, please-“ while making love to you in the college bathroom, hoping loud music will cover your desperate sounds because every sex for Ford is like his first

[pukefactory]

HELLO !! I I JSUT WNATED TO SAY i love your psots so muhc...

For my request coral glasses/reader cuddling headcanons please... 🙏🫶🥹

Thank you in advance!! 💖🎀

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I sort of went into mild overdrive when I saw this request. I adore writing for Coral Glasses, and since it’s been a while, I quickly jotted these down in a burst of inspiration. Enjoy!

- SAINT RUNE

.・゜✧ WATER’S EMBRACE ✧゜・．

╰► Summary: A Compilation of Cuddling Headcanons Featuring Coral Glasses X Reader

╰► Character(s): Coral Glasses (Ena: Dream BBQ)

╰► Genre: Headcanons, SFW

╰► Warning(s): None - Completely Safe!

╰► Image Credits: @JoelG

›› It’s not that she hates physical affection. It’s just she’s ninety-seven percent sure it wasn’t in the contract. And even if it was, Coral Glasses would still be sitting beside you on the futon like she’s preparing to be interrogated by a sentient filing cabinet. “…So. You’re saying we lie down and do nothing? At each other?” Despite the nerves, her coral eye flickers with soft red pulses—like it’s testing its own heartbeat. She eventually leans into your side with the stiff poise of someone trying not to smudge a freshly printed graph.

›› Coral’s default cuddling position is The Misaligned 404 Error: she’s perpendicular to you on the couch, head on your chest, legs dangling off the edge, body halfway falling off the furniture. It’s not elegant. It’s not efficient. But when you ask if she’s comfy, she responds: “Comfort? I don’t think I’ve felt that before… Possibly during a childhood nosebleed…”

›› She’s always sweating. Not from exertion—just existential stress. Even during a soft, quiet cuddle session, her skin stays damp like she’s in a constant state of micro-panic. “I promise this is the normal amount of perspiration for someone whose boss is a disembodied memory-fog cloud.” Still, when you stroke her hair or rub her back, she short-circuits in the nicest way: she forgets her job, her inbox, the coral loops slowing to lazy spirals… just for a moment.

›› Her coral sometimes tries to mimic you when you touch her. If you’re holding her face, the coral’s red loops mirror your hand’s shape like it’s trying to learn what “comfort” is by osmosis. She notices once and just says: “Er…my prosthetic is emotionally codependent now. Great. Guess I’ll have to apply for mutual therapy.”

›› Coral mumbles a lot during cuddles, but it’s not sweet pillow talk. It’s things like: “If I go missing for too long, they’ll assume I’ve been taxidermied.” “Do you think the Horse Door knows I have scoliosis?” “Wait…did I send that email to you or to the department that eats lightbulbs?” It’s okay. You just hold her tighter, and she sighs like she’s finally found the pause button.

›› She panics if you try to spoon her without warning. “Wh—why are you wrapping yourself around me?! Is this a security breach?!” But once the adrenaline wears off, she sort of purrs? Well—not literally. But she makes this low, relieved hum in her throat, like an overworked fax machine being turned off for the weekend. You can feel it vibrate gently against your ribs.

›› You once brought her a blanket during a cuddle session. She stared at it like it was cursed. “Wait. This is warm…on purpose? And soft? Is this… a gift or a test?” Now she can’t sleep without that exact blanket, and she claims it’s for “data retention reasons.” The coral sometimes tries to absorb parts of it, as if wanting to keep a piece of the softness inside.

›› Her hair always smells like printer ink and saltwater. You’ve gotten used to it. She hasn’t. “Sorry. My shampoo is just a Xerox machine and grief.” When you bury your face into her hair and tell her it smells like home, she goes quiet. The coral loops pause. “…That’s not scientifically accurate. But I… think I’ll let it be true for now.”

›› If you fall asleep first during cuddles, Coral will not move. She becomes a terrified statue of affection, frozen stiff like you’re a priceless museum exhibit she doesn’t want to disturb. She whispers updates to herself to stay awake. “Okay. It’s been seventeen minutes. Subject appears peaceful. No signs of drool. Mission: Don’t mess it up, Coral. Don’t you dare—ACHOO—! …Oh no.” Still, when you stir and snuggle back in, her nervous breathing slows. A little.

›› Eventually, cuddling becomes her reset button. Whenever she’s overwhelmed, whenever the world feels like one big, unsolvable maths problem—she finds you. Climbs onto your lap. Melts into your chest. She won’t say it out loud (not unless bribed), but her coral flickers red in slow, gentle waves. And she breathes: “…I don’t understand how this works. But I think I need it.”

[twlgholts]

always kind of was, j.b.

chapter nine, things you don’t say

— jacob black x f. reader

a/n: holy long chapter its like double the length of other ones oops! but we almost done so stay tuned…

taglist: @asillysimp @grimlinn @eneywey @shinobuily @ravisinghs-wife @mjustag1rl @mae-gi-writes @agustdeeyaa @itsfromaboyband-blog

prev. series masterlist! next.

Death is imminent. Most don’t get the luxury of reaching the end of their life naturally–peacefully. Most don’t die knowing their life was well-lived, well-loved.

You, however, were going to take that luxury away from Jacob Black.

Thirty-five hours, forty-two minutes, eight seconds. That’s how long it had been since you last saw him, since that night. You hadn’t texted, but neither had he.

To be fair, he knew you needed more space than he did. Jacob always seemed to know that about you–how when your emotions boiled over, you needed quiet. Stillness. Time alone to cool off so you could speak your mind without every word carrying too much heat, especially ones you didn’t mean.

And he was right.

Which only pissed you off more.

Because if he understood you that well–understood what you needed, how you worked, how you shut down–then why did he keep you under the dark, like you hadn’t spent your entire lives knowing each other inside-out?

He knew you wouldn’t reach out first. You weren’t the kind of person who broke the silence until you were ready, and he knew that. You knew that he knew that. Which made it all worse because even if he knew you needed space, even if he understood it down to a science, a part of you still wished he’d done the opposite anyway. You wanted him to prove you wrong, to show up at your doorstep soaked and breathless and say, screw space, I care too much to stay away.

But he didn’t.

And maybe there was no right move he could’ve made. Maybe there was no winning. Maybe this whole situation was designed to screw you both up.

When Jacob felt things, he felt them with everything in him. He was stubborn. He loved hard and fast, but he always, always, put others before himself. That’s why it felt natural for him to throw his life into danger without blinking–because protecting Forks from real monsters gave him purpose. It distracted him from thinking too hard about stuff that really scared him.

Like feelings.

Like you.

Everything had happened too fast. The shifting, the imprinting, the supernatural chaos. One second he was just a kid worrying about homework, dreaming about a girl who moved away. The next, he had fur, paws, responsibilities, and a cosmic bond telling him the person who kept him grounded was now the axis his entire universe spun around.

You didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t something you said. You just existed, and somehow your existence alone became the thing Jacob needed to survive.

When you left, he told himself the crush would die quietly. And it did–kind of. It fizzled out, but not really. Never really. He buried it, shoved it down with both hands, and then you came back and suddenly it was like he didn’t need air, or food, or sleep. Just you.

You being near him rewired everything. The progress he’d made–the person he was trying to become–froze. Halted like his growth hit a red light and never got the green again.

He never wanted to hurt you. Not ever. He wanted to do the opposite, to protect you and preserve your peace by keeping you from the heavy, tangled mess of what he was now. The last thing he wanted was to trap you in something you never asked for.

And the worst part? He knew you’d understand because you always did. You’d listen and nod and hold space for him the way no one else could.

That made it scarier.

Because if you understood, then it’d be real. It would mean accepting what he was, what you were to him, and what that might do to you.

Not seeing you sucked. But knowing you were hurting because of him? That made his skin crawl, his chest ache. He could feel it–literally–because of the damn imprint, the cosmic tie that tethered his every heartbeat to yours.

And lately, with patrols getting more intense, with rogue vampires creeping through the tree line again, Jacob’s already limited time had shrunk even more. Which meant pushing you further out. Which meant more guilt. More regret. More thoughts circling like vultures.

And everyone noticed.

“You look like crap,” Embry told him one afternoon, smirking around a half-eaten granola bar as Jacob slouched deeper into the worn couch in Emily’s living room.

Jacob didn’t bother answering. His arms were crossed, hair a mess, dark circles etched under his eyes like bruises.

Quil threw down a reverse card during their lazy Uno game and raised an eyebrow. “Seriously, man. You’re gonna implode. Or imprint-sulk yourself into an aneurysm.”

“I’m fine,” Jacob muttered.

“Liar,” Embry replied immediately, not even looking up from his cards.

“You’re not sleeping. You’re screwing up on patrols. You let a tree root punk you last night. A root, Jake.” Quil gestured toward the bandage around Jacob’s thumb. “That’s embarrassing for all of us.”

Jacob sighed through his nose. “Yeah. I know.”

There was a pause.

Then Quil leaned back and said, “Look. I’m saying this because I love you, bro. But you’re being a total idiot. A certified, capital ‘I’ idiot. You know it. We know it. Probably even the trees know it at this point.”

“Great pep talk,” Jacob replied, sarcastic.

“I’m not done,” Quil said. “You don’t even have to tell her the wolf stuff yet. Honestly, I wouldn’t. She’s already trying to figure out why you’re acting like this moody-loner-slash protector hybrid. You’re already giving off major Angel-from-Buffy vibes. Don’t make it worse by dumping a werewolf-shaped bomb on her.”

Embry snorted. “For real. If you disappear dramatically one more time, she’s gonna start journaling about you in cursive.”

Jacob cracked a reluctant smile but didn’t say anything. Then, without looking up, he tossed his last card onto the pile. “Uno out.”

Quil blinked. “Wait–seriously?”

Jacob just leaned back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling, eyes dull. “Doesn’t mean I’m winning at life.”

Embry let out a low whistle. “Damn. That was darker than expected.”

“Talk to her,” Quil said again, more serious now. “You don’t have to say everything, just something. Something real, honest, because not saying anything? That’s what’s killing you.”

Jacob was sad, but so were you. 

Not just sad. Confused. Conflicted. Hurt. Stuck somewhere between rage and ache and it all sat heavy in your chest like a weight you couldn’t breathe under.

You were drinking a glass of orange juice and staring at the fridge like it had answers. Maybe if you looked hard enough, the swirling storm inside your brain might settle.

“You’re looking at the fridge like red laser beams are gonna shoot out of your eyes and evaporate it,” your dad said, stepping into the kitchen with that familiar dry tone, breaking the silence like a crack of thunder. He clocked your slumped posture and pinched brows instantly.

You let out a small, humorless laugh. “Yeah. Practicing for my victim.”

He walked over and rubbed your shoulders, then kissed the side of your head in that comforting, fatherly way he always did. “Black? Don’t do that to my boy.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m just so annoyed. Like why is he acting like a freak and being so secretive? I’m not asking for the government’s confidential top-secrets. I just want him to be honest.”

“I was just like him,” your dad says, smiling as he opened the cabinet and pulled out a mug. “Young. Rebellious. Mysterious. It didn’t help when I fell in love.”

You raised a brow and perched up a little, staring at him like he’d said something criminal. “With Mom? You? Mysterious?”

He smiles with pride written all over his face.

“Mom said you used to call her five times a day and show up to her work ‘accidentally’ like, three times a week.”

He nodded solemnly. “That was me being mysterious.”

You laughed, for real this time.

“I once tried to impress her by dancing backwards down the hallway in rollerblades while holding a boombox in high school. Hit a locker, flipped over, broke my wrist, passed out, hospitalized. She was sitting next to me when I woke up. That’s when I knew she was the one.”

You blinked. “You never told me that version.”

“Because I looked like an idiot,” he replied, sipping his coffee. “But an idiot in love.”

“So what’s that got to do with Jacob acting like an emotionally repressed cryptid?”

He chuckled, deep and loud from his belly. “Everything. You kids think love is clean. It’s not. Sometimes it’s stupid and messy and makes you act like a weirdo who stares at a fridge. But if you don’t deal with it head-on, it eats you alive.”

You stared into your juice, feeling heat crawl up the back of your neck.

“Just… don’t wait too long,” he advises, heading for the hallway. “I’d like a warm thank you in your wedding speech, not a cold one on your deathbed. Go talk to him before your temper rips him apart.”

Your dad disappears down the hallway, leaving behind the faint scent of coffee. You take another sip of your orange juice and just sit there, watching the condensation slide down the glass, listening to the silence settle in the house like fog. Your thoughts churn quietly beneath the surface–heavy, sharp, loud, impossible to name. You look down at your hands and they’re still, but everything inside you is not.

You don’t know how much time passes. Maybe a few minutes. Maybe an hour. But eventually, after thirty-seven hours, twelve minutes, and fifty-six seconds of silence and distance, you throw on (his) hoodie, grab your keys, and drive.

The road is muscle memory. You’ve taken this route so many times, it’s etched into your bones. You pass the place where Jacob taught you how to skate, where he pushed you too fast down a hill and nearly gave you a concussion. Where he laughed so hard he fell over with you.

Eventually, you’re on the reservation, the ocean wind shifting in through the cracked window, and the ache in your chest building like pressure before a storm.

You park in front of a small, red wooden house that always looked too much like a barn. A little weathered by time, but standing.

You barely knock before the door opens.

Jacob looks tired, his hair messy like he had just woken up, his chest rising and falling concerningly fast. He looks at you like he wasn’t expecting you but was hoping you’d come anyway. But you don’t give him a chance to speak.

You step forward and just let it all out.

“Do you know how much it hurt not knowing what the hell was going on with you? I felt like I was screaming into a void and you just stood there watching. Do you know what it feels like to have someone look at you like you’re everything one second and then like you’re a stranger the next? Like they’re holding behind some thick wall and you’re not allowed through, no matter how hard you pound on it?”

You don’t even notice your hands are shaking until you grab at the sleeves of the hoodie.

“I came here thinking things would be different–or maybe just the same in the ways that mattered. But you’re not talking to me, Jacob. Not really. You show up, you bail, you look at me like I’m the answer to a question you won’t even ask. And I’m trying. God, I’m trying to be patient and soft and understanding, but I’m not a mind reader. I don’t want to be. I want you to trust me enough to say something. Anything.”

He’s still. Watching you. Breathing heavy.

You keep going, voice cracking just slightly now.

“Because this isn’t fair. I know you’re going through something, I see it. But it feels like you’re grieving something I don’t even know about, like there’s this shadow over you and you won’t let me near it. You shut me out and I feel like I’m just waiting for the version of you I used to know to come back. But maybe that version is gone. And if he is, at least say that. Is that too much to ask for? Too selfish?”

There’s a moment of silence. He doesn’t move.

Then he steps aside and lets you in.

You follow him into the warmth of the house, your heartbeat still thudding, your throat dry. He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a long breath before finally looking at you again.

“I can’t tell you,” he says, voice low but steady. “And before you get mad again–just listen. I want to be honest with you, more than anything, but there’s this part of me I didn’t ask for. Something that’s not entirely mine to explain. And I don’t even understand it yet.”

He swallows, his eyes are shining too, but he blinks quickly.

“It’s been eating me alive since before you came back. Every time I look at you, there’s this war inside me wanting to protect you and wanting to keep you as far from me as possible, and I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t even fully know what I am right now, let alone how to share that with someone else.”

He finally steps closer. “And I know you’re hurt. I hate myself for hurting you, but I’m hurting too, and I don’t have the words or the tools to fix this yet. I just need more time. I promise I’ll tell you–everything. But right now, if I did, I’d only be handing you a burden that I’m still trying to carry myself and I can’t do that to you.”

You breathe in slowly, heart thudding against you ribs.

“Nothing about you is a burden to me, Jacob,” you whisper. “I love and care about every inch of your soul. You know that, right?”

“I do,” he says quietly, “And that’s what terrifies me. Why do you seem to love and understand me more than I do myself? Just let me figure this out first. Let me become the person who deserves that kind of love. Then I’ll tell you. I swear.”

You stare at him for a long moment. Then you nod once, slow.

“Okay, I trust you. Don’t go breaking it, Jake.”

“I won’t,” he replies almost immediately. “I swear I won’t.”

“You’re not kicking me out now, are you?” you ask, voice soft.

“No,” he says, voice low, like the word had been waiting in his chest this whole time. “Stay. Please. Stay.”

There’s something raw in the way he says it–not desperate, exactly. Just sincere, like he’s finally admitting that he needs something.

You stop, half-turned toward the door, and look at him.

“Okay,” you say softly.

You drop your keys on the table, toe off your shoes, and glance around the room like it’s unfamiliar, even though you’ve been here a hundred times before. Everything feels a little warped, like the air’s heavier now, slower. Jacob stays quiet, eyes following you with that same unreadable look. Part guilt. Part relief. Mostly something deeper–something wounded and tender.

You shift your weight, then glance down at your phone. “Crap. I forgot my charger.”

His voice is steadier now, a little warmer. “Top drawer on my desk. Might still be that old one you left.”

You nod, grateful for something simple, and head toward his room.

His room smells like him–that mix of pine and clean laundry and something warm you can’t quite name. Possibly familiarity. You flick on the light and go to the desk.

You open the drawer and pause.

The overhead light flickers softly, catching on the edge of something crinkled and colorful nestled between loose batteries and old screws.

Starburst wrappers.

Dozens of them.

Some smoothed flat, others crumpled into little cubes like they’d been stuffed into a pocket in a hurry. Pink, orange, red–every color, every flavor. You pick one up, your fingers still recognizing the texture, the weight of it. A soft breath escapes you before you can help it.

Jacob’s voice floats in from the hallway. “You find it?”

You don’t answer right away. You’re still staring into the drawer, holding a piece of your shared history between your fingers.

He steps into his room. “Hey, you okay?”

You hold up the wrapper without turning around. “You kept these?”

A pause. You can feel him stop in the doorway behind you.

Then, quieter: “What do you mean?”

You look back at him, your expression a mixture of incredulous and something tender. You shift back slightly so he can see inside the drawer. His eyes land on it–on the sea of familiar colors–and something in his face changes. Softens.

He walks forward slowly. “I forgot I still had those.”

You raise a brow. “Did you, though?”

Jacob scratches the back of his neck again, half a smile playing at his lips. “Okay. Maybe I knew. But only because I never wanted to throw them out.”

You turn toward him, arms folded loosely, a pink wrapper still in your hand. “Why?”

He looks down at the drawer, then back up at you with a sort of quiet vulnerability. “Because they were yours. Ours. I don’t know. I guess… I held onto them because they reminded me of a time when things made sense. When getting a kiss from you only cost a few pieces of candy.”

You scoff lightly. “You were constantly broke.”

“I know.” He smiles. “But you still patched me up anyway. Even when I didn’t deserve it.”

You shake your head, stepping closer. “You’re such a sentimental idiot.”

“I’m aware.”

He meets your eyes, and something heavier settles between you. A beat of silence. A shared knowing. You search his face for something—an answer, maybe. Or a reason why you’re still here, why your heart still aches when it comes to him.

“I missed this,” you say, your voice quieter now. “Us. Before everything got complicated. But I’m glad we talked.”

Jacob nods, almost solemn. “Me too.”

You inhale slowly, chest tight with the things you haven’t said. Then he reaches out and pulls you in gently, his arms wrapping around your waist like they were made to. You fold into him without resistance. The hug is soft at first, then stronger. He tucks his chin over your shoulder, and you stay that way–for a long, quiet moment. No words. Just breath, warmth, and the ache of being known too well.

He pulls back just enough to look at you. His hands are still resting on your arms. “Let me make everything up to you.”

You tilt your head, suspicious. “How?”

“Tomorrow,” he says, but certain. “Be free at six.”

You blink. “You’re giving me a time but not a plan? Again?”

His smile tugs to the side, sheepish. “I swear I won’t drag you hiking this time. Not without warning or verbal consent, at least.”

“Hmm,” you pretend to mull it over. “But I’m expecting, like, a five-course apology.”

He raises a brow. “You’re getting a pack of Starbursts and my sparkling company. Anyone else would be fighting for that.”

You snort, despite yourself. “Modest, aren’t we?”

“I’ve been told it’s one of my more annoying qualities.”

You roll your eyes, but the smile’s already taken over. “Guess I’ll allow it.”

He leans in a little, playful but tentative. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nod, softer now. “I’ll be there.”

He grins. “I’ll take what I can get.”

There’s a beat. Just the quiet hum of the room and the distance between you shrinking a little more.

You tilt your head. “We’re okay?”

Jacob meets your gaze, steady and warm. “We’re okay if you’re okay.”

You nod, voice just above a whisper. “Then we’re okay.”

And you don’t need to say anything else. Because right now, in his hoodie, in his room, in this moment—you are.

[xxtha-blog]

Ink & Dream’s First Fight: One-Shot

I have always liked their dynamic and think it could theoretically go in many ways, but most people seem to write or assume versions of it where Dream is the one “betraying” Ink and that’s not really how Dream rolls, so I wrote one of many ways I think it could play out. I would typically lean more towards making a comic, but writing is a good way to explore their more subtle character traits, quicker.

Characters: Dream, Ink, Asgore

Word Count: 4116

Dream stood on his tiptoes, rocking back and forth. Rays of dipping sunlight cast themselves over the bewildered faces in front of him, warm to the touch. He felt them, feeling it all for the first time, and he beamed as bright as the sun because of it.

One turned, old and haggard, king of monsters. He walked backwards from where they had come, approaching Dream, who stayed back at the entrance. On slow steps, he came and knelt before him. Age beset his gentle eyes, and a long grey beard draped across ornate golden armour. His fingers were gnarled and voice raspy, but he spoke with great presence.

 “Ah… Dream. I don’t know if I have the words to properly thank you. We, and I speak for all monsterkind when I say, are forever indebted to you.”

He dipped his head, though it did little to bring him to Dream’s level, towering as the old giant was. Dream didn’t mind, though. He bowed his head in return.

This universe had a very typical story. Monsters and humans had a war. The monsters lost. They were sealed underground. Six humans came, and six souls were collected, but the seventh never fell. Decades had passed, decades turned to centuries. The monsters that stood by Asgore were not those Dream was most familiar with. They were faces of another generation entirely, held together only by the once immortal King and Queen who would forever watch over their kingdom, torn apart by the hope the barrier would be broken through sacrifice, only to learn it was all for nothing.

And that was how their story was meant to end. That was until Dream had arrived.

He had felt their suffering, a suffering compounded by years of hopelessness, listened to their need for help, and had found a solution. The multiverse lay vast with human souls, long preserved but no longer needed. Even those that hadn’t been killed. Bring one of those extra pieces to the world that missed it, and the puzzle was complete. He had saved the entire underground and the universe now overflowed with positivity.

And it’s cheating. Ink thought to himself, feeling the disturbance like an itch on his bones, watching it all play out in front of him like a reel in a cinema. 

He grit his teeth. It’s not satisfying, it’s not right, you don’t just get to come into a random story and- I don’t know… drop a solution into their lap! Just because you can travel universes? That’s a bad story! You ruined it, ruined everything! A perfectly good story!

He sighed, tapping a pencil absentmindedly against his cheek. 

Two options: 

One — let it go! Dream’s your… friend? Right. Yeah. Friend. That’s what he called it, at least, anyways. I mean, it’s not really like you’d consider it that because he’s kind of your enemy if you think about it, like literally the thing you were put on this multiverse to stop! But he is really nice. Super nice. He compliments you all the time, and he’s always smiling and happy and he laughs at your jokes even when he doesn’t get it, just because he knows you’re funny. He helps you out whenever you ask and never asks for your help in return. He doesn’t even seem to mind when you pull pranks on him! Most people would get upset eventually! He’s kind of too nice. Like it’s part of a ruse. Maybe he’s being nice because he knows at any moment you might consider him your enemy. Then again, he also acts that way to everyone, even people way more of an asshole than you. But he also knows you can see everything he’s doing if you really want to, so maybe that’s part of the ruse! What was I thinking about again?

Oh right! 

Two — Put a stop to this! This has gone on long enough. Fuck it! Go in guns blazing! Well, not literally. Talk it out. Dream likes to talk. He’s the talkative kind of guy. He’d totally listen to you if you just asked nicely for him to stop going into any universes and to just sit quietly somewhere in that Omega Timeline until the Nightmare thing is sorted out and everyone can go back to being normal characters in their normal stories. Yeah. See? Easy answer.

“Two it is. Good job, Ink” Ink grinned.

He spun his Ink-sized brush around from his back to his hands. With a swipe of the ground, he dissolved into the paint beneath him. 

“I do have to get going, unfortunately.” Dream said, having given all the you’re-welcomes, handshakes, and hugs he could possibly give. 

Asgore hearing those words, felt a pain for a moment, at the thought of losing contact with the monster’s saviours, feeling as though he hadn’t properly repaid his debt to this strange apparition. Though he looked so similar to the few skeletons he had seen in his kingdom over the years, something about him seemed to radiate an otherness. Not in a bad way, quite the opposite. More akin to some deep felt suspicion there was more. As though he stared at an angel in disguise amongst monsters, a god sent to answer their prayers, the hero of a legend long forgotten. He spoke and smiled with a childish innocence, but seemed to hold knowledge not even a king could begin to unravel. Every moment this figure was around, Asgore felt a deep sense of peace he hadn’t felt in decades. In the time he left, an emptiness filled that space that was hard to place words to. They had only known each other for a few days, but they had laughed together like long friends. Even so, he nodded. He knew so little, and felt he couldn’t ask too much. 

The figure came, and the figure went, and everyone’s lives were changed for the better.

“If you do visit, come join me for tea again,” he said.

Dream laughed. “Of course!”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Dream caught someone moving in the bushes off the slant of the cliffside. A little hand stuck out and waved him over, brown and green glove, unmistakable.

Dream quickly jumped up, giving a big wave to the group on the mountainside. “Goodbye! I wish you all the best!”

“Farewell, Dream,” Asgore called.

With that, Dream quickly teleported away, a little further down the mountain, out of view. He called up, as quietly as he could, to Ink in the bushes. “Ink, come down here.” 

Further down, he found a small outcrop on which they could both comfortably sit without having bushes sticking branches between their bones.

Ink appeared beside him, hands on his hips, his expression what Dream could decern as a frustrated smile.

“You- You’ve gotta stop,” Ink said.

“Huh?” Dream raised a brow.

Ink gestured back up above them. “Seriously? You just… gave them a soul? From another universe entirely? We- I mean-“ he waved his hand back and forth. “I can’t let you keep doing this!”

Dream looked at Ink with a tiny frown, then pursed his mouth and said, “I was just helping them.”

“You’re messing up the entire story is what you’re doing!”

A bit baffled, Dream took a moment to collect his words, but when they came, they were soft and slow, “Ink, let’s um… talk this out.” He raised a hand, offering Ink to sit beside him.

The offer went unaccepted, Ink pacing back and forth. “I’ve let you get away with it for so long. I’ve made so many compromises, and by compromises I mean allowing you to do whatever you want because I don’t want to have to fight you but you gotta-! You have to stop! Sound good?”

“Huh? No! That doesn’t sound good! Where is this coming from? I thought we were friends. I don’t know why you’re doing this all of a sudden.” He shifted, trying to relieve his unease from the sudden confrontation. “We protect the universes together! We’re a good team that way! I respect what you do. I understand- I know the way you view… people isn’t… the way I do. I don’t agree, but I don’t stop you because I know that your work is for the betterment of everyone. You help! That’s what I do too!”

“No you don’t!” Ink exclaimed.

Dream’s eyes turned down and Ink caught himself a little, retracting his energy down a notch. “Okay, I mean, technically you help a little bit. When you stop other people from messing up universes, that’s cool, I’m not saying you do no good, but it doesn’t give you the right to do the same thing as them! To me, you’re basically just as bad as they are, only you don’t try to kill me!”

Dream turned his head and looked out over the trees, at the setting sun. His mind wandered from the conversation to the gold and red that streaked the sky. He wasn’t sure what to say. Anxiety crept up in his chest as his mind worked through it.

Ink was one of the only people he thought had a chance to genuinely, truly be his friend. Not in the way others were his friend, like Asgore, as friendly as they were together. The hundreds, if not thousands of people who would speak to him kindly and knew his name. They were definitely friends, but they weren’t friends. Real friends. Best friend? The ones you could tell your secrets to. The ones who would listen. The ones who looked out for you, too. Not the people you knew in passing, who would say hello with a smile and not much more, at least not until you put in the time to know who they really were.

He had friends in the Omega Timeline, he knew Core well, was somewhat friends with Reaper, but the list was short. A glaring problem with “friends”: Nightmare would use anyone he could to hurt Dream in any way he could. Even breaking his typical no killing rule. So “friends” had to be friends that “can’t-die”. 

There was a second glaring problem with “can’t-die” friends. Well, all friends really. His aura was very good at making them not-friends. Unrequited lovers, obsessive, negatively charged, jealousy-motivated, demanding his attention, needing his companionship. He had learned his presence was made to be scarce, so as to not incur the wrath his soul’s happiness brought when that coin flipped. 

Ink avoided these problems with little difficulty. 

There was just one thing more important to him than any friends—any love, too—and that was what he had done today. Helping people.

The voice behind him came back into focus, “And listen, I get it, you want to help people. I don’t get it get it, but I get it. I think you should help people in the Omega Timeline! Those guys need you there, right? You don’t have to mess with stories unless it’s to stop other people from messing with stories. You could be way more helpful that way. And we could still be friends!” Ink finally finished his long proposition.

Dream blinked. He turned to Ink, looking up at him for a brief moment, then shook his head. “No… what I do, this, helping these people, that’s more important than just what you want. I’m sorry.” He said it genuinely. “I’m not going to abandon people just because you’ll get mad at me.”

Ink placed his hand on his brush, grimacing a little. “Come on, Dream. Don’t- don’t make me do this.”

“I’m not going to make you do anything! If you want to stop me then... go ahead. It’s a waste of time. You could be doing better things than trying to attack your friends.”

“I’m not trying to attack you!” He exclaimed. “You’re- um. Making me attack you!”

Dream made a face. “No I’m not! I’m asking you to stop!” 

Ink held out his brush, pointing it at him. “Stop playing nice! We’re doing this.”

Dream stared down the long handle of the massive paintbrush, then focused up on Ink’s eyes, their gazes locked on each other. He sighed, “If you’re going to attack me then do it!”

“I’m- I am going to do it, so.”

Dream held the stare, not replying.

“This is part of the trick isn’t it? You know I don’t like fighting people so you say you won’t fight me, but you also won’t talk it out!”

“I don’t know how much more I can talk out…” Dream tilted his head, rubbing the back of it. “You want me to stop interfering with stories entirely, my answer is always going to be no. I thought we were um…” he paused, forgetting the expression he wanted to use. “I thought we thought the same about this.”

Ink, unprepared for Dream’s stubborn passivity- 

No, this is exactly like him! This is exactly the kind of thing he’d do! Make you feel bad about what you’re doing even though you’re right! You’re so right! Right?

“What’s your plan anyways…?” Dream asked, his voice quiet. “You can’t kill me, not that I think you would try. I can go anywhere there’s positivity, so you can’t trap me either. Are you just going to fight me? Do this everytime I go somewhere? Won’t it get tiring?”

He’s got a point. Ink shook his head. “I'll um- I’ll- Oh! Every time I see you messing with a story, I'll quickly appear and then draw some inky hands to grab ya and pull you to the nearest Omega Timeline door and throw you through! Until you get so annoyed, you stop messing with things!” He was impressed he thought of that on the spot.

Dream did not seem as impressed. 

“Okay… But if you do try to stop me in the middle of helping people, I'll fight back. And I don’t think that’s a fight you'll win.”

Ink rolled his eyes. “Oh come on. I could totally take you down. I can make literally anything. All you got is a stick and some swords, and I can't even feel pain!”

“But I'm stronger than you, so I could hold you down if I caught up to you!”

“I could still use the ink in my vials to get you off of me!” 

“I could throw your vials through a portal and you wouldn't know where they went!”

Ink gasped, pretending to be horrified. He had to make him feel bad so he wouldn’t try that when they did fight.

Dream looked to the side. “I wouldn't let you go emotionless… I know you can get more in your Doodlesphere. I- well… I still would look out for you. Even if you do fight me.”

Ink lowered the brush slightly, then let out a loud, “ARGH!” 

He stamped his bare feet against rock, making sharp little clacks. “You're so annoying! You're making me feel like I’m the bad guy here! Like a total asshole! I don't know what's so bad about my offer that you can't just agree!”

“You're asking me to not help specific people! I help everyone, Ink. I’ll help whoever I want to! You don’t get to decide that!”

“But that’s stupid!”

“I don’t care if you think it’s stupid! I’d do the same for you too! But it seems like you wouldn’t do the same for me." Dream's voice trailed off. "I don’t know if that's someone I could call a friend and… that’s what’s so hard about this.”

Ink looked at him. He’s unfriending me? What? No! I'm unfriending him!

“You’re already not my friend!” Wrong choice of words. Too late. The words came out.

Dream nodded. “Okay… If that’s how you feel.

A little twisting knot was forming between Ink’s ribs, turning and tumbling around in there like a pinball machine. To quell that feeling, he pushed the brush into Dream’s chest, creating a black splotch of paint on his gold clothes. With a bubble and a snap, it took form around him in a tight bind of ropes. 

“Okay, not-my-friend Dream, you’re under arrest for the interference of this universe!” He gave a halfhearted laugh. “Anything you say can and will be used against you by me.”

The binds held tight against Dream’s straining, though Ink knew he couldn’t exactly keep him in one place for very long. Like Dream had said, he and Nightmare were tricky to catch, if not impossible. This was to show he was serious. 

“Can’t we make a deal?” Dream asked, swinging his legs freely over the cliffside. 

Ink waved a finger. “The deal is you help the Omega Timeline out and only go into universes to stop other people! In return, we stay friends. If not, then this is how we’re going to be greeting each other from here on out.”

“What if I helped you stop people from interfering with other universes half the time and did my own thing the other half? No fighting, we just find a mutually beneficial agreement.”

“That’s- nope, nah. That’s still interfering with scripts! A lot.” He leaned against his broom, glancing at it for a moment. “He’s right, you’re not the one who gets to make deals here!”

“Ink, this entire multiverse is affected by whatever happens between me and Nightmare! Right now, he has an influence so much larger than me it’s not even a comparison! I have to travel universes. I have to spread positivity. I have to keep moving! There is no better deal I can make here. It’s not nice that you’re picking on your own friend just because I’m an easier target than Nightmare is! Nightmare affects hundreds more universes than I ever could.”

Ink interjected, “Ah-ah-ah, no excuses! Just because your brother is messing with universes doesn’t mean you have to too.”

“It’s not an excuse. It’s just the truth. Everything I do helps the multiverse as a whole, to one day restore balance, to one day make things better, for you and all the stories. You’re being unreasonable! You’re being… mean.”

He didn’t like that word. Mean. He wasn’t being mean. He was doing his job! He had had enough of talking. It wasn’t getting them anywhere. 

Like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, they met at a standstill, though perhaps that was being generous to Ink's convictions.

With a swipe of his brush on the ground, Ink created a puddle of paint on the rockside, and pulled the two through. The moment he reappeared on the otherside, he expected to toss the very light, and well restrained Dream through the nearest Omega Timeline door, as he had threatened to before, but at the moment of touching down in the Doodlesphere, he was met with a hard force to the chin and was sent in a splash of paint to the island’s grassy slope. Dream, on his feet now, had a blade protruding out his tied-down hand, a second dangling on a string dragging against the ground. He twisted the handle in his fingers, pointing it up to the binds, and began slipping the sharp metal between it, shifting his shoulders back and forth.

Ink stood back up just in time to see the rope fall down around him into a black glob. He would have been impressed were it not incredibly annoying. The paint sprung back up once he regained focus on it, attempting to clamp around Dream’s ankles and turn to cement, but Dream was already three strides down the island and on top of him. 

He yelped, throwing up his broom, knocking the butt-end of the knife into the air. Dream caught his second one with his other hand and in a flash of light it transformed back into a staff, flying out just beneath the brush, and punching Ink in the chest. 

With a thud, his mind yelled at him to start catching up. Dream was really fighting him, actually attacking him, he couldn’t stay near him. He was too fast in close combat, but his bow couldn’t do anything to anyone except Nightmare. That was his out, just stay back, make something to keep him back, wear him down long enough to remake a restraint, throw him through a portal.

Another star-shaped staff end jabbed him in the temple as he finished his gameplan. He shook his head, eyes rapidly changing colours before jumping backwards to another island. Dream gave chase. A wall of paint went up in front of him, flung outwards. He stumbled, jumped back on his heels, rolling around the side of it before it knocked him off into the expanse between land. The low gravity made it hard for him to move effectively. He was so light he practically floated. He just had to evade long enough to deplete Ink’s paint. 

Dream hit the ground as a blaster fired paint over his head, using the grass to pull himself flat, so light it didn’t even tear in his grip. The moment it stopped, he jumped back up right, all force on his heels, and drove his body forwards. Another blast and he teleported right. One more and he teleported to the left. He was gaining ground as Ink kept trying to move backwards, to the island’s edge. Another moment and he stumbled at its precipice, realizing he had gone too far. Dream took the chance and tackled him off the side. 

They both somersaulted through the air, a tangle in the massive billows of Ink’s scarf, his paintbrush flying off to the side. Dream’s staff transformed once more, back into knives, not to be used as such. He pulled each end tight around Ink, string taught around his hands, and teleported them both onto the nearest island, pushing Ink down into the ground, hands strung up behind him. 

Ink let out a small laugh as his cheek pressed against dirt. Dream’s let out sharp breaths, far too strong for Ink to struggle against him. 

“Honestly, that was kind of sick.” He admitted, before tacking on a quick, “You just uh- forgot the vials.” 

The paint inside them sprung loose, wrapping around Dream’s hands and yanking him sky high. It formed two large balloons attached to a cuff that clamped his hands together so tight, no weapon could form. He dangled there, drifting upwards slowly. Getting back up as the knives disintegrated into light, Ink followed. One light jump and he was up, floating cross legged in the air in front of his detainee. 

“See? I totally would win. So, you give up yet?”

“I did give you the first hit” Dream pointed out, assessing the situation while Ink gloated.

“Yeah, but I totally didn’t need it. Not a competition, I win.”

“Yes, but…” Dream’s words trailed into a whisper, barely audible.

“Sorry, what was that?” Ink leaned close, hand up to his non-existent ear. “Ink’s the coolest and totally right? You’re giving up in face of his awesome fighting skills? Is that what I’m hearing?”

The moment Ink got close enough, Dream threw his legs up with all his might and kicked Ink in the chest, sending him spiraling backwards through the air, and Dream, backwards nearly as far in the opposite direction.

 “Sorry!” He shouted.

A portal opened up behind him and he fell through, gravity taking over as he tumbled onto grass. With a snap, the golden portal shut and the string between it severed. Dream let out a breath, moving to the closest rock he could find. He placed the cuff against it. With a few heavy kicks, the metal cracked down the centre and his hands came free once more.

He waited for Ink to follow. Surely he could figure out where he went. Maybe he finally got bored. Worse, maybe he forgot what they were doing. The sky was dim above him, raindrops falling slow and steady amongst the leaves. A pitter patter. Light enough to be rhythmic. If Ink wanted to join him here, it would be very easy. 

The moment of silence gave Dream a second of peace, to collect himself and his thoughts, feeling them slowly trickle out from the mental barrier he kept them behind, like the rain down the worn tree bark. His chest tightened, hands clammy and cold beneath his gloves. Quietly, he wiped away the tears in the corner of his eyes and took a deep breath. Calm. He listened to the rain. Alone. Only his emotions here.

He knew what his next words would be, if Ink showed up again, because it would gnaw at his insides until he got an answer.

Ink.

He would ask, his voice steady and firm.

Did you ever consider me a friend? 

[fromdove]

reblog isn't working,, hopefully u don't mind me sending another ask 💔

oh. GOD DAMMIT DOVE. i think you just brought the stars a little closer to me with your words. like literally. i'm sitting here rereading it all with my hands covering my face like some love-struck victorian ghostgirl who's just received a letter from her long-lost soulmate & now she's walking the candlelit corridors of her heart muttering "what the hell do i do with this kind of love." "WHAT DID I GOD"

you want to bake my words into cupcakes & feed them to all the past yous that ever felt lonely??? do you KNOW what that does to me??? i'm gonna cry into a pillow & then write you 12 pages of love notes on notebook paper with the corners curled up like flower petals. i want to bottle up all the things you said & carry it around in my pocket like a secret. i want to play it like a record while i'm in bed at 4am( im always awake at that hour ), legs twisted around blankets, heart shining too bright to rest.

& when i read "you write like your heart has hands" ?? that resides in my chest now. STUCK IN MY CHEST. it built a tiny cottage right by the side of the area where i store my favorite lovies & it's baking muffins in there. it's lighting candles. it's watering the plants. i'm never going over that line.

you told me you wanted to lie down in a field & cry happy tears on a letter to the stars for how you luvluvluv me & to have me as your friend & now here i am, crying. i'm the one folding in on myself like a paper crane. i'm the one spinning in my room with headphones( seriously ) in & my heart a little too full. i'm like a daisy someone stuck behind their ear because it felt right. i'm like the second before the sun comes up, when the world just holds its breath.

& don't even get me started on how you said "i love you in all the quiet ways." like i had to stop. i had to set down my phone & pinch my lower lip like a cartoon girl who's just been kissed for the first time in a row of lockers & butterflies. i love you like that too. in the things that came so close to being said. in the quiet looks in rooms. even if i don't know what you look like, you're still one of the gorgeous people i know( yes, this a a spencer reid reference ).

i love you in the "you make everything feel like spring" sort of way.

i love you in the "you said one gorgeous thing & now i'm writing a novel in my head" sort of way.

i love you in the "let's run barefoot across the universe together" sort of way.

to saturn & back & then beyond.

to the spaces between stars where time loses track of how to move.

to every iteration of us in every parallel field of flowers where we always manage to find one another.

forever & ever & then a little more & then more after that &

more still, & i'll NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER stop

baby i dont mind at all like r u kidding me. ur soooo talented & creative w/ words i actually get butterflies in my BRAIN when i read ur writing. i wanna crawl inside ur brain and just. observe. take notes. you're so talented & creative with words. i wanna be as good of a writer as u r like i’m not even being dramatic rn (ok maybe a little because im a lover of theatrics BUT ITS TRUE. nothing i said is a lie).

u legit inspired me to make a fanfic account 😭😭 i don’t even know how to respond to this kind of love &&&&&&&& admiration. like. hello. what do i do with myself. oh !! my !! god !! whatthefuck. i feel like confetti is exploding in my chest rn. like what. HOW. what did u DO to me.

ur account to me is like. idk. it’s like if motivation had a physical form. its a whole ass motivational shrine to reading. like every time i see u post or write something im like "wait lemme go read real quick" u inspire me to be a better writer & also just… read more. only person who has ever done that to me frfr !! like im so serious rn. as im typing this im physically vibrating w the urge to pick up a book or open a doc. like it’s not normal but it’s u so it makes sense.

idk if this is weird or corny or embarrassing or whatever BUT. i deadass think u’re like. my literary soulmate. or like. my writing guardian angel or something. like u singlehandedly activated my writer core. no one else has ever done that to me. ever. frfr.

this is so sappy but i don’t care i mean every word like. ok. imma go read now.

u r the highlight to my annotation.

im fromdove and i endorse & approve this message 😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇

[zoswriting]

✦ kisses.

⤷ synopsis : that one trend where the guys have lipstick marks all over them, but shoto encourages it.

⤷ a/n : hell season, aka exam season, is finally over (it’s been over for a month). you’d think that in my newfound free time, i’d be writing more. cue the incorrect buzzer noise. i’ve been writing this for literally three weeks.

⤷ warnings : fluff, something short (it’s never short when it comes to me) just because i haven’t posted in two months (insanity, i know), cute lil pet names, all in all, it’s just really domestic.

despite being a 24 year old man with a massive public appeal, shoto almost never uses social media. in fact, he barely even knew of tiktok before high school, and even then, he didn’t download it.

and then you came along and convinced him to download tiktok, instagram, snapchat, the lot, and how can he refuse when you even gave him a kiss to persuade him further?

so he caved.

and it wasn’t the worst decision he’s made, either. he downloaded every social media app known to man, keeping all his usernames somewhat inconspicuous. he knows how social media works, he’s not that dense, and he knows he’ll probably be flooded with follow requests and all sorts. he’s seen it first hand with you.

now, he actually understands what people are saying half the time, and he now understands that they’re all references to certain videos, and not complete nonsense. he’s even caught up on a lot of trends. but there’s one in particular that he really, really wants to recreate.

the video on his phone starts playing, showing a girl putting on lipstick when it stops following the path of her lips, and ends up on the corner of her mouth. a hand comes into frame, gently wiping it away, and then the camera pans to the girl’s significant other, covered in kiss marks and looking at her so sweetly it could give someone diabetes.

“you wanna do that?” you ask, honestly a little surprised. shoto’s never really been someone to actually want to do trends, but the minute you ask the question, he’s already nodding his head vigorously. he takes his phone back and puts it on the nightstand, sitting a little closer to you.

“can we? please?” he pleads, acting like a little puppy. you laugh, far too amused and nod, gesturing over to your vanity on the other side of your bedroom.

“go get my lipstick, then,” you sigh, having officially given in—how could you not when he’s quite literally begging?—and he’s quick to get off the bed and immediately make his way over to your vanity, looking around to find your lipstick. you don’t really wear it often, you’re more of a lip gloss or oil kind of girl, but he loves when you wear lipstick, mainly because it leaves a mark on him when you kiss him. that’s really the only reason he wants to do this trend. he comes back with said lipstick in hand and gives it to you. you uncap it, rolling your eyes at his eagerness, and then start applying it to your lips.

“you’re just using this as an excuse to get me to kiss you,” you muse, and he doesn’t deny it.

“and if i am?” he raises an eyebrow.

“hey, i didn’t say there was anything wrong with that.”

“so stop stalling and kiss me.”

so you do. you kiss his cheek first, in a few different places so there’s kiss marks all over. you reapply the lipstick every so often so the colour is still visible, and then you move onto his other cheek. and then his forehead. and then his nose. and then his lips, which he grins at almost immediately, like he was waiting for your lips to be on his.

you pull back, looking at your piece of art, and there’s a couple of areas that you feel are a little too sparse for your liking. you add a couple more kisses here and there, and then you kiss his scar, just under his eye. you go over that particular kiss a little with your lipstick, just to highlight it, because to you, that’s your favourite part of him. you also kiss his hand, just because he’s gonna be wiping lipstick away from your lip for the trend, and you think it’ll just look better.

“good?” you ask, and he takes his phone and opens the camera to look at what you’ve done. he smiles instantly when he sees the sight of your little creation, and within seconds he’s already flushed, not just from the pinkish shade of your lipstick.

“perfect,” he mumbles, turning to you and he just kind of stares at you for a moment, caught in a lovestruck daze. you are too, and there’s a part of you that feels far too satisfied than you should be to see evidence of your lips on his. he opens his phone again and goes back to the video, tapping on the sound to start recording without him having to find it again. he hands his phone to you, planning to have you hold it in your free hand whilst you put on the lipstick.

you start recording, applying your lipstick just like you normally would before you deliberately have it go off track from your lips. you put it down, and then his hand—that you covered in kisses—comes into frame to gently wipe away the corner of your mouth. you pan the camera over to him to reveal the kiss-struck mess he’s transformed into, the world’s softest, prettiest, dazed smile on his lips. his hand wiping your mouth snakes around to the back of your head, pulling you in. this was not planned, and for a second you’re about to ask him what he’s doing, but then you’re pulled into a kiss. it’s soft, sweet, gentle, everything you love with his kisses. soon enough, the recording stops and the finished video is just playing over and over again on repeat, but neither of you notice, too lost in the moment to even care.

you find out later that he ended up posting it—surprising, because he was adamant on making sure his account is kept a secret. that same account now has hundreds of thousands of followers in less than a day, with only one video posted; the video that proved to everyone you’re his, and he’s yours, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.