#at least to me because it’s not purposeful

[6qubed]

to quote Harry Loman; elon musk is liked, but he is not well liked. and I think he knows that. and I think it eats him up inside

As Elon Musk cements his place in history as a fascist tech overlord and the rest of the world looks at us in horror, I really do want to reiterate what I feel will be lost to the history books

Nearly everyone in america has thought and continues to think that Elon is very cringe.

[httpsserene]

hi can i please send a request for the kink list rating? for franco, oscar, charles, lewis and carlos with begging. also congrats on 3k!

🧽🪣 would you like a complimentary car wash? — send me any five (5) drivers and one (1) kink from this list, and i will rank the drivers in order of who i think is most to least likely to participate/avoid, or love/hate that kink !!! each driver will have a small blurb written xxx

༊࿐ ⊹ ˚. this one is a lil shorter but i think it's actually better quality? don't ask mehow i wrote this in the middle of my 9 am lecture...i'm not proud of that either. happy 3k🤍 lovely !!! tysm for requesting xxx

⌕ 3k v-day celly nav | all 3k requests | main nav | table of contents ↻

𝐦𝐭𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤 fem!black!reader x cl. 16 | fc. 43 | lh. 44 | cs. 55 | op. 81 cw under the cut.

implied bdsm dynamics. teasing. overstimulation. hinting at the existence of a safeword in carlos'. charles' praise kink. oscar is a lil weird maybe. sir kink for lewis...my fault y'all, i can't help it.

𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭

Franco’s not going to give you what you want until you beg for it. He loves to watch you grow desperate, your voice whiny and eyes watery as he begins to tease you with the faintest brush of his thumb on your clit after he’s been shallowly thrusting two of his fingers within you nowhere near long enough to satisfy himself but for what feels like forever to you. Franco’s aiming to bring you to the point where his name becomes a synonym for please in your thesaurus. The purpose of his teasing behavior is to make you delirious with pleasure when he chooses to give it to you in full force—your orgasms are substantially more satisfying when he makes you earn it.

Carlos thinks there are very few things more attractive than you begging. He finds you endearing as you push at his chest, your voice slurring as you plead for him to give you a break, that you can’t take what he’s giving you. He knows you don’t mean it though, not yet, at least—because while your hands are half-heartedly trying to bat him away, your legs are locked around his waist, keeping him firmly pressed inside of you to disallow him from slipping away. Carlos gathers both of your wrists in one hand, pinning your arms above your head as he continues his deep grinding rhythm, muffling his rumbling groans into the crook of your neck—you know what word to use if you need him to stop. In the meantime, he’ll keep basking under the sound of your overwhelmed begs.

It depends—Charles doesn’t have sex with the intention of having you beg for him most times. Honestly, he prefers to make you forget how to speak during sex, he wants to hear you gasping for breath as he fucks the air out of your lungs. If you are going to say anything, let it satisfy his endless desire for praise. Tell him that he’s doing a good job, that he looks hot with his head between your legs—his praise kink wins over his begging kink any day. Occasionally, there are days where Charles is going to make you ride his thigh and keep you on the edge, your throat will ache from the amount of times you beg for him to let you cum—but, he’s not in the mood for that often.

Oscar doesn’t consider his particular affliction as a begging kink. With him, it’s more of a kink for good manners. It’s not like he’s making you ask his permission to do anything, no—it’s how you stare up at him with deceivingly innocent eyes right before you say, “Can I suck you off, please?” Or, “Oscar, I wanna ride your face, please?” It’s not like any man would deny any of your requests, but it’s how the word please sounds rolling off of your tongue—it has Oscar ready to do anything you ask of him. You think his arousal stemming from politeness fits his personality perfectly; he can only think it’s kind of embarrassing. 

You’re going to be happy with what Lewis gives you. There’s no reason to beg because you know that he has your best interests at heart. Doesn’t he always deliver? You don’t have to worry about what you want because Lewis is going to give you what you need—your focus is to sit pretty while he handles the hard work. Let him eat you out to his heart’s content, let him mold your walls to the shape of his cock through numerous rounds of sex—All he wants to hear from you while he does it is, “Yes, sir,” and, “Thank you, sir.”

𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭

© httpsserene — do not reupload. photos in header from pinterest. mdni divider by @cafekitsune.

[leeknowsnot]

SKZ when you suddenly call them with their full name

I am posting every entry I have written in my notes app to make it up to you guys. 😭😭😭 Anyway, happy hearts day to everyone!!

CHAN

— his eyebrows are immediately raised and he's looking at you like "Did you just call me with my full name?" with eyes wide enough for you to poke them

— you pretend you don't hear him and just continue on with talking to him and calling him Christopher

— he's immediately on your tail like a kid, asking the same question all over again you can't help but pinch yourself to stop yourself from giggling at how cute he is

— he calls you all sorts of cute nicknames to make you surrender to his cuteness

— eventually you do give up and when you start calling him back with your nickname for him, oh my God he smiles at you so cutely you could just dive into his dimples

— you are spoiled

MINHO

— definitely the type to call you back with your full name

— you challenged the wrong person, now he's gonna be the one who'll call your full name with EVERY sentence he'd say until you admit defeat iT BACKFIRED SO BAD

— evERY CHANCE HE GETS HE'S GONNA DO IT

— especially when you guys are out with friends, he's gonna call your full name WITH YOUR MIDDLE NAME people are gonna start staring

— you start ignoring him whenever he calls you your full name on purpose and oh does that annoy him eventually

— the audacity to ignore him and be annoyed with him when you were the one who started this little game, right?

— "kitten got a taste of her own medicine?"

— he's gonna punish you for being such a bad kitty wink w0nk

CHANGBIN

— his pouts are aLL OVER THE PLACE

— whoever sees him gets a free show over a man with biceps pouting like the big baby he is

— he'd feel a bit off at first but eventually gets used to it eventually cause he dares not to pick on how you want to call him

— even if it's a bit weird, he'll tolerate and learn to accept it if that's what you want

— tELL HIM IT'S JUST A PRANK HE'S TOO WHOLESOME FOR THIS WORLD 😠

— would be weirded out again trying to adjust to being called with his nickname again when you finally stop with your prank

HYUNJIN

— will give you an offended stare as if you just committed a sin

— no cuddles for u because he said you're not his gf and says he doesn't know u

— he's gonna make such a big deal abt it to the point Chan would be calling you in the middle of the night asking you if you guys fought cause Hyunjin's acting so weird, like he's so pouty and edgy

— so when you said it's only because you called him by his government name for a prank, Chan L O S E S it

— you'd find a pouty Hyunjin in the morning, complaining cause Chan gave him an earful for maging a big deal out of your prank

— he basically forgot you were the one who started it . at least he's pouty over Chan instead of you anymore

HAN

— waterworks EVERYWHERE

— how dare you make him cry

— the moment you call him Han Jisung it's over for him

— the London Bridge is falling, Eiffel Tower is collapsing, the icebergs are melting

— "Is he better than me? Is he treating you better at least?"

— sTARTS ASKING QUESTIONS THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE NOW BC HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND HE THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER

— expect him pulling all-nighters writing a sad love song

— when you explain to him that it was just a prank, he immediately bursts into tears, either in relief that you still love him or bc you messed with his feelings 💀

— how dare you make him cry pt.2

— turns the sad love song that he wrote into a body roll song

FELIX

— he immediately catches on and knows it's a popular prank trend amongst couples so he plays along

— but ofc he's still making sure it really is a prank and you're not actually mad at him

— your friends would be looking at you both weirdly and think you guys have broken up but maintained good friendship

— his friends only know you by nickname so when they saw your caller id on Felix's phone and it was your actual full name, they were having multiple question marks as to why Felix was being all so chummy and sweet with this (Y/N) on the phone

— the next time you meet them they'd be shaking while trying to tell you that Felix has been cheating on you with someone named (Y/N)

— oh my God you and Felix die from laughter

SEUNGMIN

— tbh he doesn't care

— he'd been trying to get you to stop calling him smookie poo, pookie, moochie bear, and all sorts of nicknames the past weeks so this was actually a win situation for him

— he enjoys it too much he starts frowning at you when you go back to calling him the nicknames

— "Where'd the 'Yah, Kim Seungmin' go?"

— 10 out of 10 he loves the prank, would definitely avail for more 💀

— Now he won't stop demanding you to do it again

I.N

— immediately thinks he did something wrong but he just sITS THERE PROCESSING AND STARING AT YOU WITH HIS FAKE EYES OPEN

— he'd malfunction so bad how can you do this to him

— he's already clumsy as is but bc you're making him overthink, he's unintentionally breaking and dropping stuff all over the place

— in the "is-she breaking-up-with-me/did-she-find-someone-better" lineup

— he doesn't show it tho

— he tries not to at least

— would send you all sorts of gifts; flowers, chocolates, champagne, stuffed toys, you name it—it's his love language

— he'd actually try to win you back from this "new guy"

— when you tell him it's just a prank, he doesn't talk to u for a few days and gives you the silent treatment

— i mean, you obviously had it coming

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Heart shaped

pairing: lee felix x gn!reader

genre: fluff, roommates to lovers au

warning/s: just disgusting fluff

a/n: this is an old drabble that has been in my drafts for like half a year. i wanted to post dolly today but since i got delayed here's a little something, happy valentine's day my babies🩷

You're slowly waking up. Your eyes flutter before you finally open them and they land on the window.

It's still dark out. 3am. That's what it says on your clock.

Great. This is the third night in a row that your roommate woke you up with strange noises in the kitchen. The last two nights you tried to ignore it.

Felix isn't the type of person to do stuff like that on purpose, so you let him be. Whatever he's doing won't be long, right?

Well, here you are, proven to be wrong.

You sigh, deciding you really need to get up and check what he's doing.

"Felix?" your voice startles him and he turns from the stove abruptly. He looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Did I wake you up? I'm sorry!" he panics, scrambling around the kitchen and moving stuff.

But you can see what he's trying to hide. There is at least five trays of well- kind of heart shaped cookies, some of them are burnt, some were crushed into pieces, some had icing on them.

"Are you nervous baking?" you chuckle, coming closer and you can see redness forming on his freckled cheeks.

"Yeah, something like that." he nods, avoiding your eyes.

"Are you making heart shaped cookies?" you try again.

"I'm trying to make heart shaped cookies." he corrects you, finally looking up at you. "I accidentally burned the first batch. And the second one, they started falling apart. And then this third one just wasn't the right taste. And the fourth one, the icing looks weird. And-"

"Why don't you breathe?" you place your hands on his shoulders as he almost starts hyperventilating.

"Yeah, yeah, that's like important." Felix says and you chuckle at his 3am brain.

"Can you tell me why you're doing this?" you ask when you think he's calmed down a little.

"I'm..." he swallows, "I'm trying to confess to someone."

"Oh." you nod. "And you wanna bring them cookies?"

"Yeah, exactly." he says, biting on his lip nervously.

"Since I'm not sleeping anymore, I could help you?" you suggest and he chuckles.

"Now that would be ironic." he says.

"What? Why would it be ironic?" you ask.

"No, no reason." Felix smirks at your 3am brain.

"Okay, you can help me."

Both of you get to work, to make perfectly heart shaped cookies that are also delicious and don't crumble the moment you grab them.

You wonder who the recipient is, but you don't want to pry, if Felix wanted to tell you he would.

-

"Alright, let's do a taste test." you nod confidently once they're done.

The two of you grab a cookie each and count down to one before biting into it.

"Mm, these are perfect!" you exclaim, eyes wide.

"They're so good!" Felix matches your excitement.

"Hey, thanks for helping me." he adds, smiling at you fondly.

"No problem, good luck with your confession." you say.

"Thank you." Felix chuckles.

-

When you walk into the kitchen the next morning, you see something covered up on the table.

You walk over to it slowly and realize there's a little paper with your name on it.

Your brows furrow in confusion as you pick up the note and reveal what was covered up.

"Oh." you gasp when you see the cookies you worked hard on last night with Felix, all nicely rounded in a cute basket with decorative flowers.

You take a look at the note but there's nothing on it except your name.

"See, this is why I said it's ironic you're helping me." Felix's voice startles you and you turn around and look at him.

He's leaning on the fridge, arms crossed on his chest as he smirks at you.

"W-what?" you ask like you're dumbfounded because there is no way.

"They're for you. I'm confessing to you." his smirk turns into a shy smile, his demeanor changing into something softer.

"Oh."

"Is that a good 'oh'? Or a bad 'oh'?" he asks.

"It's a good 'oh'." you chuckle and Felix comes closer to you.

"I like you. I have for a while. And I was wondering if you feel the same. And if you do, maybe we can take this basket of cookies on a picnic date with us." Felix says and you chuckle at him, your heart rate picking up speed.

"I'd love to take the cookies on a picnic date."

Both of you laugh, and Felix is leaning closer into you.

"Does that mean you like me? Or you just like the cookies?" he asks, his breath hitting your cheek and making your heart flutter.

"Both." you whisper with a smile and Felix presses his lips on yours gently.

Your eyes flutter shut as you stay still for a few moments before both of you lean away sheepishly.

"You know..." you start and Felix looks at you expectantly.

"I would've said yes even if the cookies were burnt or crumbling into pieces." you say and he blushes, fidgeting with his hands.

"Good to know."

taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @moon-ttokki-x @saintcosette @ooshyana @frehyun @scarlet789 @skzdust @schniti-is-in-the-house @eastjonowhere @sona1800 @channiesrightasscheek @justwonder113 @yvettemint @inaribu00 @httpdwaekki @possum-playground @ria-april @yn-x-them @mariahxrrera @0omillo0 @halfwinterhalfuniverse @cooldeermagazine @delulkpopstan143 @todorokiskitten @compersian @azxulskz @stayp1eceposts

[rem-iniscing]

My shitshow relationship with food was radically altered by two wonderful tiktok creators, of whom I unfortunately cannot recall the name of at least one, as I am cursed with the memory retention of a goldfish, but to whom I still credit this knowledge to.

The first was surprisingly an L&D Nurse talking about the whole Formula vs Breastfed debate. Her stance? "Fed is best." Whatever that looks like, as long as that baby is getting its nutrients. Formula, parent's breastmilk, donated breastmilk, or some combination of them. It didn't matter. A happy fed baby was what mattered.

That was a game-changing thing to hear. Because that applies beyond babies. Big, full-grown humans need this mentality, too. As long as you are getting the nutrients you need?? Who cares! Get the cheeseburger if it means you'll eat something today. Put the cheese on your veggies and drown your salad in dressing. Some nutrients is better than none! Fed-! Is-! Best-!!!

The second paradigm shifting statement was from I think the marvelous Kylie Sakaida! Of whom said this: "Ask what you can add to your food to make it more nutritious, not what you can take subtract from it."

Nowadays, instead of feeling shame when I reach for something like ramen, I just ask myself what I can add to make this meal more beneficial for me. I add chicken. I add eggs. I add things like cheese, corn, mushrooms, broccoli, beansprouts, bamboo shoots, and a truck load of garlic! I add to it to make sure it benefits my body optimally. Those nutrients don't disappear just because it's going on cheap, prepackaged ramen.

Diet culture is fucking absurd! Humans need food in quantities enough to thrive, not just survive, and adding cheese doesn't magically cancel out the pre-existing nutritional value like some sort of yu-gi-oh card.

Also eating something for the purpose of making your brain happy (cake, ect) is still a good thing! Because you need to be happy to want to fucking live. This world takes enough joy from us. Enjoy what you can.

diet talk is so inexpressibly nonsensical the instant you know anything about "the human body" or "nutrition" or if you think about it for three seconds

[cressidagrey]

The Queen of Romantasy and the Race Car Prince - Chapter 8

Pairing: Lando Norris x Elizabeth "Lizzie" Treshton (Original Character)

Summary:

Elizabeth Treshton—bestselling romantasy author, queen of fae heartbreak, and sworn devotee of a carefully structured routine—never expected her service dog to abandon protocol and diagnose a Formula 1 driver with something. But that’s exactly what happens when Mara the wonder-dog ditches Lizzie’s side to aggressively alert to none other than Lando Norris in the middle of a coffee shop.

Warnings and Notes: 

Mention of epilepsy, seizures, memory loss, hospitals, vomiting, blood and service animals. I don't myself suffer from epilepsy, so I asked my IRL friend, who thankfully was nice enough to let me ask her all the questions I could come up with. The rest I asked Reddit. So everything that's wrong...that's totally my fault and not on purpose.

As always big thanks to @llirawolf , who listens to me ramble

Lando had expected a lot of things Lizzie came home from the hospital—maybe that she’d immediately crash on the couch, maybe that Mara would knock him over with excitement, maybe that he’d have to force her to take it easy.

What he hadn’t expected was the absolute monstrosity of a bed in her bedroom.

He stopped in the doorway, blinking in shock at the enormous, plush-looking bed that took up most of the space. The thing looked like it belonged in a luxury hotel suite, with an obscene amount of pillows, a thick, ridiculously cozy duvet…and at least half a dozen of other blankets. 

Lizzie, who was still a little pale but very much aware of his reaction, snorted. ��Something wrong?”

Lando’s jaw slackened as he took in the monstrosity before him. He’d seen king-sized beds before, but this thing was in a class of its own. The sheer amount of pillows alone was staggering. He took a hesitant step forward, his hand reaching out to touch the duvet.

“This is...this is a lot of bed,” he said lamely, turning to look at Lizzie.

She laughed, carefully sitting on the edge of it. “I spent a fortune on this bed, because I’m always in here. If I have to spend half my life in bed, it’s gonna be the best bed money can buy.”

Lando joined her on the edge of the bed, eyeing the mountain of pillows suspiciously. "Half your life, huh?" he said lightly.

Lando’s expression softened. He knew she was joking, but there was an undercurrent of truth there. Between her epilepsy and the exhaustion that followed her seizures, she did spend a lot of time in bed. Of course she would make it as comfortable as possible.

Still—

“You could fit like, four people in here comfortably,” he muttered, sitting beside her.

Lizzie smirked. “Is that an invitation?”

Lando turned red immediately. “I—no—that’s not—stop.”

Lizzie's smirk grew wider at his reaction, her eyes sparkling with wicked amusement. Lando's cheeks reddened even more, his brain stuttering over his words.

"I-You-" He floundered for a moment, trying desperately to regain composure. "That's not—I didn’t mean—"

Lizzie raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying his flustered state. "Didn’t mean what, Lando?" she teased. “Maybe I just want all this space all to myself,” she teased.

She leaned back against the mountain of pillows, letting out a satisfied sigh. “It’s heaven. The best investment I ever made.”

Lando watched her lean back against the mountain of pillows, and he had to admit, it looked pretty comfortable. 

Lando chuckled, shaking his head. "It looks like you’re about to disappear into that bed entirely," he said teasingly.

"God, I missed this be," she muttered as she stretched out like a starfish and he couldn't help but snort

She looked utterly ridiculous, but utterly cute at the same time.  "You look like a starfish," he teased, poking her shoulder lightly.

A starfish wearing a Ferrari sweatshirt.

Lando chuckled at the sight of Lizzie sprawled out in her Ferrari sweatshirt, looking like the most comfortable starfish in the world. 

"A Ferrari-loving starfish," he said, running a hand lightly over her stomach.

Lizzie grinned back at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Hey, I’m just representing my favorite F1 team," she said defensively.

She let out a satisfied sigh as Lando's hand moved over her stomach, a small shiver of pleasure running up her spine.

“You are dating a McLaren driver, and you are wearing Ferrari merch,” Lando said with a sigh.

Lizzie shrugged nonchalantly, her grin widening. "Yeah, but Ferraris are red, and that's my favorite color," she teased. She leaned up on her elbows, a glint in her eyes. "Besides, this is so old that it’s all soft and washed out. Find me a McLaren sweatshirt that feels the same and we can start talking."

Lando made an affronted noise at her words, and pretended to give her a scandalised look. "How dare you!" He said in a mockingly offended tone. "I’ll have you know that the McLaren merchandise is the best in the business. Comfier, more durable, more stylish. Ferraris can suck it."

“This is literally 30 years old,” Lizzie gave back drily.

Lando grimaced. "It's still vintage blasphemy," he muttered.

Lizzie couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face. “You're acting like I've committed a cardinal sin or something."

Then she yawned.

Lando chuckled softly at her yawn, and his expression softened. "Come on," he said gently, lightly tugging at her arm. "You should get some sleep. You're tired."

“I feel like that’s all I am doing,” she complained.

"I know," he said softly. "But your body needs the rest. You know that."

She hummed, pulling up the blankets.

“Could you let Mara out in the garden?” She asked him.

Lando's expression softened at her sleepy request, and he nodded.

"Of course," he said gently, standing up from the bed. He gave her arm another squeeze, before turning towards the door. "Just get some sleep, all right? I’ll take care of Mara."

Lando walked out of the room with one last glance at Lizzie burrowed under the covers, still swathed in her old Ferrari sweatshirt.

He headed for the back door, whistling softly to call Mara. The dog came bounding up, her tail wagging frantically.

Lando let Mara out into the backyard, watching as she darted around the lawn with joyous abandon. He threw her tennis ball a few times, clearly making Mara’s day. After a few minutes, Mara was sufficiently worn out, and came trotting back up to Lando, ball held in her mouth.

His phone rang.

Lando's head jerked up at the sound of his phone ringing, his focus shifting away from Mara. He quickly patted the dog on the head and fished the phone out of his pocket.

It was Oscar.

Lando's brow furrowed as he saw Oscar's name on the screen. He answered the call and brought the phone to his ear.

"Hey, mate," he said, a hint of wariness in his voice.

“I got a bunch of Ferrari dog merch thanks to Charles. Where am I supposed to put it?” Oscar greeted him drily. “I actually brought it to the MCT. I figured you would want to give it to your girlfriend. Want me to drop it off at your house?”

Lando thought about it for a moment, staring at Mara that was happily gnawing on her tennis ball. 

"I am at her place…if you could drop it off…” Lando rattled off Lizzie's address.

“Alright.” Oscar’s voice was light and cheery. “I’ll be over in 10.” 

There was a knock on the door just minutes later. Lando opened the door to see Oscar standing there with a few bags, a grin on his face.

"Hey," Lando said, stepping aside to let him in. "You work fast."

“Special delivery from Charles,” Oscar announced, holding said bag out for him.  “For the dog.”

Lando took the bag with a sigh. “He’s really committed to this, huh?”

“Mate, he designed merch. You’re never escaping it now.”

Lando groaned, imagining the amount of Ferrari-themed dog items crammed into the bags. He could already see the red and white bandana poking out of one.

Lando rolled his eyes and shut the door, following Oscar into the living room.

Lando placed the bags on the coffee table, and started rummaging through them. He pulled out a Ferrari-themed dog collar, a red leash, and a toy that looked suspiciously like a doll version of Charles Leclerc…

"He really went all out, huh?" Lando remarked, shaking his head in disbelief. 

Oscar chuckled, taking a seat on the couch. “You know how he is. Can’t half-ass anything.”

“Lando?” He looked up to find Lizzie in the doorway to her living room staring at them. Mara took that opportunity to come bounding over,  sniffing at her things. “What…”

Lando stood up, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as he took Lizzie in. She stood in the doorway, looking like she’d just woken up. Her hair was a mess, and she was still wearing her old Ferrari sweatshirt.

“Hey,” he naked worriedly. “Did we wake you?”

“No…” Lizzie trailed off, her gaze flickering over to the bags on the coffee table, her eyes narrowing as she saw the words “Ferrari” written in big font. “What’s this?”

“Mara’s birthday presents. Oscar was nice enough to drop,” he explained.

Lizzie’s expression grew more incredulous as she took in all the Ferrari merchandise, and then Oscar sitting on her couch, her eyes widening. 

“…Nice to meet you, I am Oscar,” Oscar offered, painfully polite as usual, as he looked up from where Mara had stolen Charles Leclerc the dog toy, and then blinked twice at her. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before…”

LIzzie just stared at him. “Same,” she finally said drily. “Nice to meet you, Oscar Piastri.” 

Oscar frowned, then glanced at the bookshelf behind her, which was filled with neatly arranged copies of her own books. His gaze landed on the name printed on the spines.

He froze.

Then he whipped around to Lando so fast it was a miracle he didn’t give himself whiplash.

“No. Fucking. Way.”

Lando sighed. “Here we go.”

Oscar turned back to Lizzie, looking personally betrayed. “You’re Elizabeth Treshton? The Elizabeth Treshton??”

Lizzie, clearly amused, nodded. “Guilty as charged.”

Oscar turned back to Lando, shocked. “Mate. You’re dating a bestselling author and you just casually didn’t tell me?!”

Lando just stared at him.

Oscar looked like his entire worldview had been shattered. “You—what?! No! I didn’t know! I thought you were just dating a normal person, not the author of one of the biggest romantasy series in the world!”

Lizzie smirked. “I mean, I am a normal person.”

Oscar ignored her, staring at Lando. “You weren’t just reading her favourite books, you were reading the books she wrote!” Oscar said. 

Lando shifted, looking uncomfortable. “Yeah, well… it’s different when it’s someone you—” He cleared his throat. “Look, can we not make a big deal out of this?”

Oscar just grinned. “Oh no, mate. This is absolutely a big deal.”

Lizzie laughed, watching the two of them bicker. Mara, thoroughly uninterested in human dramatics, was already trying to open her present.

Oscar exhaled like he was processing a life-altering revelation. Then, awkwardly, he cleared his throat. “So, um. Anyway. This is weird now, but—”

Lando narrowed his eyes. “But what?”

Oscar hesitated, then mumbled, “My girlfriend is, like, your biggest fan.”

Lizzie grinned. “I like her already.”

“Yeah, well,” Oscar scratched his neck, awkward. “If I go home without signed books, I might not have a girlfriend anymore.”

Lizzie chuckled at Oscar's predicament. "Well, can't have that, can we?" she said teasingly. “Especially since you brought my dog…Ferrari themed… everything.”

“Oh that’s Lando’s fault,” Oscar said quickly. “He asked Charles for it.”

Lizzie stared at him and Lando looked everywhere but at her. “You…you asked Charles Leclerc for Ferrari merch for my dog?” She asked him, sounding oddly touched.

Lando swallowed. “You said she’s the best thing that ever happened to you. So she deserves it. Even if I still think that McLaren merch is better,” he defended himself.

Lizzie’s eyes softened. "You giant softie," she mumbled, shaking her head fondly at him. “This is the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me.”

Lando blushed under her gaze, but he tried to maintain some composure

"Hey, don’t get used to it," he retorted with a smirk. "This is a one-time only thing. And only for your dog. I’m still team McLaren."

Lizzie chuckled."Of course, of course," she teased. "McLaren forever, Ferrari for Mara."

[unconventional-lawnchair]

Okay hear me out poly!bartylus x reader

Animagus reader who can turn into a niffler and is constantly giving barty her findings because reg would make her return them! They also exclusively wear silver because she likes gold shiny things lol

A Bored Barty

Bartylus x Reader

Summary: Barty is bored, alone in his dorm room- until his darling treasure brings him a treasure of her own.

WC: 1.1k

CW: Nothing really. Kisses used as weapons of war. Dont write for Regulus much so forgive me ( Art cred: kprk_pkrs on Twitter)

Barty was bored.

A dangerous thing, really.

He laid sprawled across his bed, one arm hanging off the side, tossing a small, silver knut into the air, catching it, then throwing it again. He had already read through all the interesting books in the dorm, bothered his least favorite housemate, and debated sneaking into Slughorn’s stash for a bit of fun. But even that felt like too much effort.

He sighed dramatically, letting his head loll to the side. The dorm was still, the air thick with the kind of midday lull that made his skin itch- drew you down to this unbearable tired. He needed something. A spark. A game. A bit of madness to wake his bones.

And then-

A soft, skittering sound at the doorway. Tiny claws against stone. A flicker of movement in the corner of his vision.

Barty turned his head sharply, and his entire mood shifted instantly the second he saw that familiar teal coat.

“Oh, there’s my girl,” He purred, pushing himself up on his elbows as you- small, sleek, and utterly adorable in your niffler form- scurried towards him with purpose. 

A purpose that gleamed between your paws.

Barty let out a delighted, wicked little laugh, eyes gleaming with manic glee as you proudly presented your newest prize- a golden ring, ornate and entirely not yours.

“Well, well, well,” He cooed, sitting up fully and reaching out to pluck it from your grasp. He examined it between his fingers, tilting his head as he recognized the engravings. “Now, this is entirely too big for you, innit?”

He grinned. You grinned (or, at least, you looked quite pleased with yourself). Preened? You preened.

Then- 

The door slammed open.

Barty didn’t even flinch. If anything, his day had just gotten much better.

Because there, standing in the doorway, looking half-feral and wholly pissed, was Regulus. 

Barty could kiss you for this. Truly, he could. And, in fact, he might.

Because what was better than both of his partners being in the same room? A pissed off Reg.

“You,” Regulus growled, storming forward, shoulders tense, hair slightly out of place like he had run here. “Tell me you did not let her steal from Avery of all people.”

Oh he just adored you.

Barty just tilted his head, considering. Then he smirked. “Define ‘let.’”

Regulus made an exasperated sound, reaching for the ring in Barty’s hand.

Barty, quick as a viper, yanked him down by the collar.

Regulus barely had time to blink before Barty’s mouth was on his, stealing away every single ounce of righteous anger in one swift, practiced move.

Regulus, like the absolute fool that he was, immediately squeezed his eyes shut. Barty always found it the cutest thing- Regulus unable to help himself. As natural as a moody cat flicking its tail, as a lion roars and as a cougar stalks- Regulus Black closed his eyes for kisses.

Barty smirked against his lips. Eying the cute way his nose scrunched up and he let out a sound close to a whine- protests he never truly meant. The adorable sight complete with him reaching for Barty’s pockets; already knowing what Barty was up to.

And somehow? His free hand still slipped the ring into his pocket without obstacle.

You, still perched on the bed, let out a soft hum of approval, tail flicking as you watched with an utterly smug sort of delight.

Barty deepened the kiss for just a moment- long enough to enjoy the soft, reluctant way Regulus gave in before he pulled back with a smirk.

“What was that you were saying, love?” He purred, tapping Regulus’s chin lightly with his fingers. “Something about our dear ol’ Avery?”

Regulus huffed, eyes fluttering open, already scowling as he reached for Barty’s pocket again. “Give. It. Back.”

Barty grinned. “Give what back?”

Regulus glared. “The ring, Barty.”

“The ring?” Barty echoed, feigning confusion. He patted his chest, then his sides, then even made a show of checking under the pillow. “Hm. Don’t seem to have it.”

“You-” Regulus cut himself off, jaw tightening. Then his sharp gaze flickered to you, still perched happily on the bed, tail flicking with amusement.

“And you,” he accused. “You know exactly what you did.”

You tilted your head, ears twitching, looking every bit the picture of innocent curiosity.

Barty’s grin only widened. “Oh, come on, Reg,” he drawled, fingers lazily tracing circles on Regulus’s waist where he still had him held close. “Look at that face- does that look like the face of a thief?”

Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose, as if trying to summon the patience of Merlin himself.

“Turn back,” Barty said suddenly, looking at you now, voice smug and expectant.

You blinked up at him.

“Go on, love,” he coaxed, a lilt of challenge in his tone. “Let’s see those totally empty pockets of yours, shall we?”

For a moment, you debated staying in your niffler form- safe, small, and easy to scamper away if things got sticky. Barty looked ready to bite- Regulus too. But both were looking at you like they already knew.

With a soft huff, you shifted back into your human form- warm magic rippling over your body as you transformed.

Barty let out a bark of delighted laughter the second he saw you.

Because, oh, you were full of it.

Your pockets bulged comically, weighed down with far too many treasures- little trinkets and stolen baubles pressing against the fabric, revealing shapes of coins, buttons, and Merlin knew what else.

Regulus made an outright wounded noise. “Oh, for Salazar’s sake-”

Barty grabbed your wrist and yanked you down into his lap, laughing as he did so. “You absolute menace,” he grinned, wrapping his arms around you tight. “Not a dull moment with you, hm?”

You wriggled slightly, but Barty just adjusted, pulling Regulus down with you in one smooth, easy move- trapping you both in his arms. Regulus made a sound of protest, but it was weak at best, his cheek pressed against your temple, caught between exasperation and reluctant affection.

Barty smirked against your hair. “Now,” he murmured, voice slow, teasing, “should we even bother to check her pockets? Or should we just accept the fact that our little niffler is a bloody menace and move on?”

Regulus groaned into your shoulder. “You both drive me mad.”

Barty just laughed, pleased as anything, nuzzling shamelessly against the two of you as you let out a small, smug hum of victory.

Because in a few hours, Regulus would make you empty your pockets and identify whose riches were whose. He’d likely scold you but give up half way through when he sees those pretty eyes of yours gloss.

He’d make you return them and Barty would be alone in his room again. Waiting.

But right now? 

He felt alright.

[arafilez]

CHAPTER: LOVE ㅤㅤㅤ☆ ㅤ — ﹙ BND ﹚

WHERE boynextdoor ㅤ,ㅤ are love tropes !

ㅤㅤㅤ ᶻzㅤ( ot6 x reader ) 𓂃 ㅤ drabbles ㅤ valentines 2k25ㅤ warnings food (sungho) , peck (jaehyun) ㅤ⋆ ㅤ( 500 / mem ) ㅤ ❟❟ㅤ library ㅤ bnd shelfㅤ navi

PARK SUNGHO

trope: exes to lovers now playing: new year’s day

You couldn’t even blame Sungho for ruining Valentine’s for you forever. Back when you were together you would get so spoiled by him that it isn’t even funny now. You knew it was the truth when you came to the realisation nobody could treat the way Sungho used to do.

But what’s done is done. You two broke up, he is your ex now and there’s nothing you can do about it. You walk towards your café to order a croissant because that is the least you can do to treat yourself on Valentine’s Day. You pity yourself a little but that regret soon fades away as you smell the baked goods from outside the shop.

Snippets of memory flow over your head as you two would fight for the last bite of the chocolate donut and he would purposely hold it out of your reach. He once whined so bad saying you cheated as you had kissed him and snatched the donut, giggling all the way.

You shake your head not wanting to be reminded of it as you swing the door to walk inside. So when you lightly bump into a guy with the exact build as Sungho you had to think the universe was playing cruel tricks on you. You hesitantly look up and immediately regret it as you see the familiar face stare back at you.

“Y/n,” he gasps as a light smile spreads across his face and you curse yourself for wanting to kiss it off him. “Sungho,” you try to make your voice as enthusiastic as possible as you continue, “Long time no see.” That was a lie, you had seen him around the corner just a few days ago.

“Yeah, how are you?” he asks, again a lie, you both know because he follows you in Instagram. “Good,” you reply quietly as he nods, looking down at your hands once before bidding you goodbye.

You have walked two steps ahead when you suddenly turn back and call, “Sungho.”

“Yeah,” he replies almost instantly making your heart beat a little faster in your chest. “Do you want to call tonight?” you ask suddenly. You have no idea where this sudden bravery came from but you are glad and scared at the same time now that it did.

Sungho inhales lightly as a small smile spreads on his face as he nods and replies, “Yeah sure.” You don’t know what the future holds and neither does he does but maybe this was a little ray of hope.

LEE SANGHYEOK

trope: sunshine x grumpy now playing: midnight rain

You sign in annoyance when Riwoo picks up the controller again and you snatch it out of his hand, yanking open the cable from the plug point and look at him. He smiles brightly when he sees your grimacing face and jokes, “Come on grumpy don’t glare at me like that.”

“It is Valentine’s Day, don’t you have anything better to do than play LoL?” He pouts and you roll your eyes at him. Everyone in your brother’s friend circle knows how much straightforward you are. Jaehyun has tried to set you up with Riwoo because according to him you are in desperate need of some “sunshine” in your life.

“I am spending the day with you, aren’t I?” Riwoo winks and you gasp at his answer. He walks off to Jaehyun’s room and you exhale, hating for even being born. The way his words has set your whole face on fire should be researched. Hell Riwoo can graze his hands casually and you will be firing up for no reason. You open your phone is frustration and scroll until you find a fluff fanfiction you feel like reading.

The reader kisses the person’s nose. Cringe. You will definitely read it.

And do it to Riwoo, your mind screams and you want nothing more than to punch your mind. You keep reading trying to focus on the story and not think how it is so fitting with Riwoo.

“For someone who is always scowling you like reading stuff that make normal people giggle,” a voice interrupted your reading and you jump as Riwoo slides besides you, still grinning. You hate yourself for how your eyes instantly dropped to his nose.

Stop it.

You force yourself to look into his eyes and it doesn’t help a lot since they look like a whole galaxy of stars. How can someone’s eyes hold so much adoration and spark?

“Why are you looking at my nose weirdly?” he chuckles and the answer rolls off your lips before you can stop yourself, “If I was yours I would just spend the day kissing it.”

Your eyes widen and you want the ground to swallow you whole while Riwoo loud laugh fills the room. You look at him and the way his nose scrunches, soft hair falling on his lashes as he continues laughing and asks, “Is that a line from the thing you were reading?”

“No, stop it,” you whine and your ears, heck, your whole body feel on fire as you look at Riwoo who is smiling and looking at you. “You say that but you look at me like this,” you pout and it takes all of his strength to not press his lips to yours right then and there.

“Like what?” he asks and you glare half-heartedly but he continues, “If you mean like I am head over heels for you, then yes, I do look at you like that.”

Your breath gets stuck at your throat and you don’t trust your voice too much but you blabber out, “Don’t ask me out on Valentine’s, that’s cliché as hell.”

“I can do all kinds of cliché things for you though,” Riwoo’s smiles brighten and you wish for nothing more actually.

MYUNG JAEHYUN

trope: brother’s best friend now playing: stupid in love

The only way you can describe Myung Jaehyun is BF! Big Flirt! Even your brother who is his best friend got a taste of his flirt when he tried to take a lollipop from his mouth.

So when the door of your house swings open and Jaehyun enters the house where you are alone you know you are doomed. Mostly because of your very obvious crush on him. “Y/n,” he says and you nod somehow saying, “Jaehyun.”

“Where’s Sungho?” he casually places the question as you look at him and reply, “Missing your babygirl on Valentine’s Day?” You don’t hide your sarcastic tone but Jaehyun is faster as he replies, “Why? You jealous?”

You scoff thrice at the sentence and then laugh awkwardly as you look away cursing yourself at the awkward reaction. You quietly move around stuff in the kitchen doing nothing actually. The perfume he has worn is too addicting for your own good and you question how you can even smell it when he is literally on the other side of the room.

You turn around and yelp as you see Jaehyun standing in front of you with a tiny smirk on his face. “What are you doing?” you ask nervously as you realise how close he is. He is not close enough to be in your personal space but he is definitely close enough to make your breath stop.

Your back hits the kitchen counter comically even though he didn’t take a single step ahead baffling your mind. Jaehyun sees the chance and walks towards you trapping you into his arms as you frantically look anywhere other than his eyes.

“Look at me,” you hear his soft voice making you sigh because you definitely cannot look at him. “You know you are very obvious,” he giggles making you let out a small noise of desperation as you pout looking at him. “Fine, congratulations you caught me,” you sigh throwing your head back and making him smile as he finds you adorable.

“I am very obvious too but you are too oblivious to notice,” if one sentence can drive you crazy it was this one that just left Jaehyun’s mouth as you look back at him and he shrugs. You feel speechless because never in your entire life did you expect him to fall for you. But before you can reply he pecks you lightly making you trip on air as he giggles and says, “So how long should this be a secret from Sungho?”

HAN DONGMIN

trope: enemies to lovers now playing: title

Taesan had to be the bane of your existence because why else would the universe send you such a person who has to test your patience in every single step. So when he asks for your help in a subject you don’t trust him at all.

But now that you are actually sitting in the library you think you are wrong. You move uncomfortably in your seat as he quietly does the question and you can’t help but blurt out, “Why are you so quiet?”

“Aww you already miss my voice?” he cocks his head sideways making you take a deep breath so you don’t murder him right then and there. “You wish,” you grit out as he lets out a menacing laugh leaning over the table saying, “Sweetheart I wish for a lot of things.”

“Eww,” you place a hand in between your faces as he sits back on his seat smirking. You find yourself scolding your mind for liking that smirk and finding it actually hot. You blame your poor hormones for it as you sit back and stare at him.

“You know you can take a picture,” you gasp as he looks up directly at you, cheeks tinging with warmth as you cough and look away. “But I would need your picture more, considering how out of the world you look,” you head spins at a comical rate when the sentence leaves his mouth.

His mouth is also agape clearly surprised even he said that as he blinks looking at you. “What did you just say Han Dongmin?” you reply as he chuckles nervously scratching the back of his neck not knowing what to do next. Should he just casually deny it? He can do that, tell he has some brain disease or something.

He looks up at your wide eyes as he feels himself getting lost into them and as cliché as it sounds he feels lost in your eyes. He blinks again bringing himself to reality again as he sees you smiling.

You purse your lips and say, “How about I actually give you a signed photograph since you like to look at me so much?” your heart might have fallen out of the ribcage as you said it but Taesan giggles shyly looing down.

He looks up and replies, “How about I take you out and we take pictures together so I can look at you whenever I want?” You grin nodding lightly. That is the true Han Dongmin behaviour, never backing down from a challenge. But this time maybe you both are winning.

KIM DONGHYUN

trope: she fell first, he fell harder now playing: take a chance with me

To say losers and nerds were your type would be an understatement because you would die for Leehan’s smile. That quiet, shy smile as his eyes turn into crescent moons under his glasses. Once he opened his glasses in class and you almost fell in love after looking for a fraction of a second. You are not too proud of this but what he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him.

Except he does know very well because you already asked him out once! He had replied that he just wanted to stay friends and he is not into relationships right now. Easy right? Should fix everything. Except it didn’t.

Your friends have caught him stare at you for one too many times and the underlying tension has remained even though you talked and he has tried to open up in his own nerdy ways expressing his love for fish. It only made it worse, and make you fall harder for him day by day.

So when Valentine’s Week came you had a tiny ray of hope in your heart that maybe, just maybe, he would do something. But as the days went by your hope started to decrease and it came down to a solid negative on Valentine’s Day itself. As usual Donghyun came and sat in the row behind you but you hardly pay attention as you started taking notes.

You make through the classes somehow but before you can leave, Leehan calls out your name, surprising you. He is so shy that he has never called your name out aloud before ever. You slowly look back making sure you weren’t hearing things as he says quietly, “Can we talk?”

You nod slowly indicating your friends to go ahead with your hands as you stand quietly in your place. You think he will probably just ask you about the upcoming project and you feel crazy to think he will ask you out even as an option. Leehan quietly stands up as he says, “Sorry for making you wait.

“Oh no it is totally fine,” you say it a little faster than you want to, mentally slapping yourself. Talk about desperation! Donghyun coughs lightly as he says, “You know you can sit right.”

The whole interaction is so awkward that you plop down on the chair as he smiles and says, “Uhm I am asking you out.” “What?” you reply visibly confused because what the hell was that? Leehan trips over his words as he says, “No, what I mean is, I want to ask you out, it is just that I regret it a hell lot when I said no to you because you are so perfect and nice and I think today is perfect but if you want to stay friends that is super fine with me-“

“Donghyun please breathe,” you reply widening your eyes as you hold his shoulder and look at him. “So?” he asks hopefully as you shrug a little giggling. You look down and smile feeling super shy as you nod and look up saying, “Yes, let’s do this” Leehan swears he has never been happier before and that was crazy because how did you become such a big part of his life when even a few months ago you weren’t.

Maybe that was a mystery he can’t solve but he is glad he got it.

KIM WOONHAK

trope: best friends to lovers now playing: what a man gotta do

Woonhak has been sending you gift hampers on Valentine’s since he has got the part-time job three years back. He has never actually asked you out but the heart shaped chocolates, teddy, ring and a packet of Hershey’s kisses on every Valentine’s don’t lie.

You both have always tagged this as ‘best-friend’ behaviour, too afraid to date each other wondering what will happen in case you break up. It felt pathetic to watch as a third person because you both were so in love with each other.

So when you receive the hamper again this year your friends couldn’t help but roll their eyes at you. The way you two act oblivious makes them want to kill themselves. Because everyone except you two everyone could see how much you were in love with each other. You giggle at the packets as your friends let out tired sighs.

Whenever Woonhak is around you smile, feel like a thousand fireworks going off when he smiles, do pathetic things like singing love songs in the shower and dance in front of the mirror. Your mood instantly lights up whenever his messages come and even if he calls you at two in the night you would pick up without a question.

So one of your friends took matters in her own hands as she texted him saying that it is very obvious and it is a mental torture to watch your push and pull. So Woonhak should just ask you out.

Woonhak ran towards your residence as soon as he saw the message and sees you sitting in the porch in front. He smiles a little as he runs lightly and messes up your hair. “Hey,” you slap his hand away, a bit surprised at seeing him as you ask, “What are you doing here?”

“A friend of yours said you like me so much that you make them suffer making them listen about me,” your eyes widen as soon as the sentence leaves your mouth and you stand up ready to go and kill whichever of your friends did it. Woonhak, always predicting your next actions, holds you by your shoulder and makes you sit down.

“If we like each other, why can’t we be together?” he asks and you sigh saying, “Woonhak you know why, I just don’t want to lose you.” “How are you so sure we will break up?” he asks and you look up at him. Suddenly you realise you are seeing the guy you have grown up with and have been in love with since you knew what love meant. Maybe your fears were just overpowering your thoughts. So maybe you can give this a chance.

“Are you sure about this?” you ask warily and he shrugs replying, “Let’s just go on a date and find out.”

ARA'S NOTES ㅤ,ㅤ such a top of the head draft but i really hope y'all will like this, i am trying to come back to writing slowly !

ㅤㅤ ᶻzㅤ( TAGLIST ) ㅤ𓂃ㅤ fill this or comment or ask to be added.

@slytherinshua @haneagerr @yeosayang @hursheys @peterm4rker

@aaa-sia @gong-fourz @emmylksblog @weird-bookworm @seomisaho

ㅤㅤ(ㅤㅤ© arafilez on tumblrㅤㅤ)

[shamebats]

It's also worth noting that abusers often do abuse on purpose because it benefits them and when it's not unintentional, abusers will pretend & claim that it is, and victims will be desperate to believe it.

The book “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft for example argues that abuse is primarily about power and control.

Bancroft dives deep into the way abusive men think, revealing that they are acutely aware of their behavior and actions. Many abusers view their partners as possessions or as extensions of themselves, rather than autonomous individuals.

The same is often true for abusive parents. Mine for example. They knew they were hurting me, my mother at least admitted to it many times, they just believe I was theirs to hurt & control and the problem was that I wasn't willing to take it like the thought I should have.

Abusive people are rarely honest about it but if you get them to talk about it, they will have a whole list ready of all the ways being abusive benefitted them - everything from stress relief to getting to spend all your money on yourself because your victim is too scared to ask you for anything (or if you like my parents, make your children hand over their money to "safekeep") to not having to do chores and still having a sparkling clean home to not having to put effort into relationships because your victims are stuck with you either way.

Self-awareness, introspection, education etc are all fine and good, but the abuser also has to be willing to give up on everything they were getting out of the abuse. They have to give up on power & control. All that together doesn't happen very often.

Something that helped me move on was accepting that a parent is a lot like a landlord or a boss. Nobody wakes up thinking "I'm going to make my employee's life hell / make sure my tenants end up on the street today" either but they do it anyway because it benefits them, and the system that grants them their power incentivizes it.

otherwise interesting post ruined by the bold insistence that you can never accidentally abuse someone & that all abusive people are self-aware evil masterminds

[oceansoul001]

After 170 hours I've finished Kingdom Come Deliverance 2 and I cannot even start to describe this emptiness I'm feeling now, knowing that there is no more of this great story waiting for me to experience (at least for now). What a wild ride it was and what a surprisingly amazing game, with all the twists and turns of the plot, all the memorable characters that I deeply cared about and rooted for, all the emotions of Henry's journey and all the thoughts about war, revenge, duty, and finally making peace with the past and moving on. The emotional spectrum of the game is astounding - it can so flawlessly switch between being extremely funny or delightfully absurd to being heartbreaking or devastating in the heaviest moments. But as the game’s content is so dense and rich, that writing down all my thoughts would require a whole book, or at least a dissertation, I would like to specifically touch upon one, nomen omen touchy subject. The Henry-Hans romance.

I'm not sure if it is possible yet, but I would also like to skip over all the controversy-driven discussions regarding this romantic subplot, clearly lead in bad faith and mostly by people not even engaging with the game, and be able to talk about this topic and analyze it as it is, without questioning its right to even exist in the game. Why do I focus on this quite small and optional aspect of the game at all? Well, I’m not gonna lie – I always find the RPGs with possible romances more engaging and captivating, as love – as a general emotion, with different shades of it – is in my eyes one of the crucial aspect of any hero. So if we are already talking about the love towards parents or other family members, patriotic love for your country, or king, platonic love between friends and comrades, and then all of a sudden omit only the romantic love, something is not adding up for me. If you want to give me a rich RPG experience, give me at least one good romance option, and I’m sold. But it is not easy at all, especially the “good” part.

But as KCD2 is a very unique game when it comes to its different aspects – like the demanding, slow-paced gameplay, or the unique blend of open-world with more contained main plot missions – it is also very unique when it comes to the romance options, or, let me say it aloud – when it comes to THE main romance option, the most integral romance option, the most naturally developing romance option in the game. The Henry-Hans (optional) romance that we can observe growing very slowly throughout this 100+ hours, is for me one of the best and most meaningful depictions of love in any RPG with player's agency. This relation, even if you opt out of romance, simply has it all - is intertwined with the plot, is rooted in character development and has the possibility to depict characters together during many different situations throughout the whole game. And this is how a good romanceable character should be written in a video game – as an independent character first and foremost, NOT as a character that was created with a sole purpose to serve as said romance option. In this case Hans ALWAYS plays a meaningful part in the story, and ALWAYS shares an important bond with your Henry, regardless of player's decision whether to engage with the romance or not. But many other games seem to forget about that, or don’t manage to create the bond between characters first, before the option to romance them appears.

And then comes the hard to describe aspect of THE FEELS. The slow development of this relation, the steady growth of feelings, up to the point, when you cannot deny it any longer, and when you cannot allow yourself to not act upon them - because of the circumstances, because of this sense of impending doom, that makes all the risks worth taking, as any of you might anyway be dead the next day. Audentes Fortuna Iuvat, remember? The risk that Hans takes in the decisive moment of this relation is THE epitome of his saying, and I don’t believe it is a coincidence when it suits so perfectly to the whole theme of the game and to Hans as a character in general. And this bold risk taking is so gut-clenching and heartbreaking, but also heartwarming in this one stolen moment of happiness that seems unreal. Say what you want, but you simply cannot tell this kind of story, invoke this kind of feelings - without first having two equally developed characters, that the player equally cares for and have cared for before any romance possibility was on the horizon. Add to the mix very real external hardships (all good romances need a hardship to overcome!), that due to the time and place make this relation tragically doomed before it even has begun, and there you have it - one of the most compelling romantic stories I have experienced in a video game, hands down.

And please don’t start with medieval this, medieval that, before you stop and think about greatest medieval love stories (that we know of) – these are always stories of impossible love, of doomed love, of forbidden love. Of two people, that cannot and should not be together because of the class they belong to, because of the promises made, because of duty, because of sin and religion dogma. Don’t tell me you cannot see the comparison between Henry and Hans, and, say, Tristan and Isolde, THE number one medieval chivalric romance couple, where they commit sin against God and betray their King at the same time, every time they are together. Don’t tell me that Henry, who clearly aspires to all the ideals that we associate with knighthood – chivalry, protection of the weak, devotion to land and rightful king, and generally noble idealism, let’s call it – is not the perfect hero of chivalric romance, with Hans being of course his damsel-princess, way above his league, already promised to another and soon to be in a loveless, political marriage, spending parts of the game either captured in some tower or stuck in some castle, having to wait for his knight to safely return to him. It is all there, I am sure not accidentally, and it fits all the themes and motifs known from both actual medieval literature and their pop culture representation SO WELL if you think about it for a second.

And there's one more component that elevates this particular relation to S-tier for me. You can have superb writing, you can direct the most impressive cutscene, you can have the build-up ready - all of these won't matter and won't work if the actors don't sell you the romantic feelings in the key moment. Which I assume is not easy, when for the most part you play other aspects of these characters and probably were not cast with this specific plot point in mind. But here comes Luke Dale, showing us the side of Hans Capon that we have not seen before, with the most heart-wrenching expression of his fears, with voice breaking at the exactly right moment, the trembling, the anger, the despair, but also the tiniest bit of hope - and in just two broken sentences he conveys it all, and it's all so bloody real. It's a masterwork, and I'm so happy that I could witness it in game, even more - become part of this relationship as the playable character himself.

I sincerely hope that the end of the main game is not the end of this subplot, as there is still so, so, so much more to explore with these characters in these circumstances. And their relation is so unique, comparing to popular fiction in general, but even more so in video games, that it would be a great loss to just leave them be as they are at the end of the game. I cannot wait for the possibility to go through more emotional turmoil with Henry and Hans, probably because I cannot even remember when was the last time I’ve fallen in love with fictional characters so much and so fast, as with these two. And as already said, love is the key. 

[spr1ngtweaks]

🛝 Imagining Higher-Up Tunnels with you and Harley

/ Note: most of this is just my headcanon of Harley before the "event" happened, it won't be 100% canon and might be ooc. I'm just writing for fun, please don't come to me. ;-; My grammar pretty shitty bc Eng is not my first language

I remember in the game and even on the wiki, there is mention of at least the "Senior Staff Access Hall" or also known as the "Higher-Up Tunnels": a very small area but quite important for its purpose blah blah.... So I just want to imagine that if you and Harley Sawyer had your own slide, then- well, I think when you have free time, you would invite him to slide every day just for fun, like reliving childhood, lmao. /

At first, Harley would definitely hate this idea. He wasn't the kind of person who wasted time on pointless things like "tubing" in the factory. For him, these tunnels are simply an efficient means of transportation—not a game.

But you are different. Every day when you have free time, you try to persuade him, saying, "Just try it, just once, to see if it's fun!" And of course, he would frown, cross his arms, and glance at you with a look that was half disdain, half helplessness at your stubbornness.

"Do I look like a child?" He asked, his voice dry, but you could see a hint of fatigue mixed with something... almost resignation.

Then one day, somehow, you succeed. Maybe it's because you keep clinging like a leech day after day, or maybe he just wants to shut you up. But when he truly slips down—no matter how reluctant, no matter how irritable—you know he enjoys it a bit.

Harley didn't shout or laugh like you, but there was a very brief moment when he landed, stood up straight, adjusted his coat with his usual frown... and something flickered in his eyes. A bit of excitement, a bit of nostalgia?

But right after that, he brushed it off, looking at you as if you were the one who dragged him into this ridiculous mess (which you actually did).

"There won't be a second time." He declared firmly.

And then, a week later, you see him using the slide again without anyone forcing him.

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

Take Care of Her

Part 5 of the Uncaged series

Sam and Dean Winchester & little sister!reader

Requested by Anonymous (x2)

Synopsis: Sam learning to be a big brother—inside and out of the cage

Warnings: torture, mentions of torture, I tried to include some of the actual show plot in here

“You will never be safe.”

Sam pretended he couldn’t hear the voice—it was all he could do to keep it together. He knew Dean needed him, and more than that Dean needed something to go right. If that something needed to be Sam’s mind, then Sam would fake that he was ok and hope that it just happened.

You fell asleep about halfway through the movie, and Sam could feel Dean’s eyes on him after Bobby got up to go read through more lore books. Dean had been eyeing him ever since they tried to bind Death, and Death had revealed that Sam was having hallucinations.

“Hallucinations?” Dean only spoke when he was sure you were asleep. “Really? I gotta find out from Death?”

“I…” Sam sighed. “I didn’t want to put more on your plate. I’ve got a handle on it, really.”

“On what?” Dean snapped, freezing when you stirred.

“I know what’s real and what’s not,” Sam assured him in a softer tone.

“And what about her?” Dean nodded his chin at you. “She getting these visions?”

“I don’t think so.” Sam swallowed. “At least, she hasn’t said anything to me. She’s having nightmares, but I think that’s it. I think that’s part of why I know the hallucinations have to be fake—because if it was real, she would see it too.”

“Ok.” Dean sighed, getting to his feet. “I’m gonna go help Bobby. I need you to tell me if things get worse, ok?”

“I understand.”

Once Dean was gone, Sam watched as your face started to twitch, your body squirming around in a fitful sleep.

“She’s thinking about me.” Lucifer’s voice had Sam flinching, his head whipping around to see Lucifer perched on the edge of the couch. “Thinking about that first day in the cage. Do you still remember that day, Sammy? Remember our first day as roomies?”

Sam closed his eyes tightly, hoping to will away the sight of Lucifer, but instead he got bombarded with the memories of the day his life changed forever.

You were still holding onto Sam when the two of you landed in the cage.

Sam had physically felt his soul split as he fell—an excruciating experience that ended with Lucifer’s soul now separate from Sam’s body by the time they hit the floor. He still wasn’t sure how that worked, but somehow Lucifer’s soul—essence?—showed itself in the way that Sam’s human mind comprehended Lucifer; as Nick. There was no way Nick was in the cage, and Sam knew right away that it was only Lucifer.

He didn’t know why Michael didn’t split from Adam—maybe they were more in sync than Sam was with Lucifer, more in tune to the same purpose—but to Sam, it didn’t matter.

Nothing mattered except you right now. Sam had resigned himself to the fact that he would spend eternity in the cage with Lucifer, and though he hadn’t expected Adam to be forced to join him, that wasn’t nearly as awful as this. His baby sister, latching onto him at the last minute in a desperate attempt to save him, only to end up in damnation with him.

Sam found himself holding onto you tightly while Michael dropped to his knees in utter defeat, and Lucifer shrieked in anger and despair. The human-sounding shriek quickly turned into something unearthly, a high-pitched ringing that got louder and louder. Sam slammed his hands over his ears, watching you do the same. He held his hands tightly over his ears for a long moment, until he noticed that blood was starting to drip down the sides of your face the louder the ringing got.

Sam didn’t hesitate—Dean wasn’t here to look out for you anymore. Despite the pain, Sam moved his hands from his ears to you, grabbing hold of you and tucking you against him, wrapping you into an embrace and using his own hands to cover your ears.

Finally, the ringing stopped, though it was hard for Sam to tell at first since it echoed in his head for several minutes.

Sam made a decision, in those seemingly-endless moments of pure agony as he protected you from the brunt of the pain.

Sam never saw himself as much of a big brother before—sure, he knew he was older than you, but he’d deferred to Dean when it came to taking care of you. Dean had been the one to give you the monster talk, Dean was the one with the mission to protect his little siblings, Dean was the one who took over the father role when Dad died.

But you didn’t have Dean, and you needed someone. So Sam was going to step up.

He’d had moments like this before…

Like when he was 14, and John and Dean had been out on a hunt when someone knocked on the motel door.

Sam, whose instincts had already been carefully honed, snatched up his gun and checked the peephole. Seeing nothing, he eased the door open—but it wouldn’t open more than a foot.

Still wary, Sam’s eyes flickered down and widened when they landed on a basket with a moving bundle in it. His eyes snapped back up, and he glanced furiously around for someone to take the bundle back—because with only a glance, Sam knew exactly what it was.

But no one was there.

When the bundle started to cry, Sam finally made a decision. He eased himself out the door, lifting the basket into his arms and carrying it out of the cold and into the safety of the motel room.

“It’s gonna be ok,” he whispered. He eased the pink bundle out of the basket and started to rock her. “Dad and Dean are gonna be back, and their gonna take care of you. I’m—“ Sam caught sight of a note peaking out of the basket, and he scanned it quickly. “I’m your big brother, I guess. My name’s Sam.”

Or like when he was 18, and you found his stash of college fliers. You were only 4, and Sam probably could’ve gotten away with lying to you…

But he felt like he had to tell someone.

“I’m gonna be going away pretty soon,” he told you in a whisper—Dad and Dean were out on a hunt, but he still couldn’t bring himself to speak louder, just in case.

“You can’t go away,” you argued, tears already forming in your eyes. “Whose gonna play with me when Daddy and Dean go to work?”

“C’mere…” Sam scooped you into his arms, happy when you wrapped your arms around him; that meant you weren’t mad. “I’ll bet Dean will spend some more time with you. Dad too, maybe. They’ll make sure you’re ok, I promise.”

“But I want you!” The tears were flowing now, and your words were interspersed with sobs. “Don’t go away Sammy!”

“I have to,” Sam said. “I’m gonna go to college. It’s like—like school for grown ups. They’re gonna teach me how to be a lawyer.”

“But—“ you sniffled. “But I thought you worked with Daddy and Dean.”

“I do.” Sam swallowed. “But—“ he hadn’t admitted this since he was thirteen, and his teacher asked him. “But I don’t want to do what they do. It doesn’t make me happy.”

“I want you to be happy,” you insisted.

“Thanks, kid.” Sam smiled—just a little. “But…but for me to be happy, I’ve gotta get out of here.” You didn’t say anything, so Sam kept going. “But Dad and Dean can’t know yet, ok? I haven’t told them.”

“Why not?” You rubbed at your eyes, your breaths still shaky.

“They wouldn’t understand. Not like you do. So do you promise not to tell?”

You held out your tiny hand to Sam, pinky extended. “Pinky swear.”

Or like when you didn’t keep your promise.

John was screaming at Sam, waving a fistful of brochures and Sam’s Stanford acceptance letter. Sam wasn’t about to take the fight laying down—he never did. He was toe to toe with his father, screaming right back. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered that Dean was sitting on his bed, looking dazed, and you were nowhere to be found.

When Sam couldn’t take it anymore, he threw his few belongings into a bag—John stormed up to him and tossed the papers into the bag, yelling “Fine, go!”—and headed for the door.

“If you go out that door, don’t you ever come back!” John yelled.

Sam froze in his tracks, his hand halfway extended. He took a single glance back—his eyes met Dean’s, and all Sam saw was his big brother’s pleading expression. He looked away, wanting to say goodbye to you, but you weren’t there. So he grabbed onto the handle, stepping out into the night and slamming the door behind him.

“Sammy!”

Sam was halfway into the cab when you came running out of the motel room—you must’ve been hiding.

“Hey…” Sam pulled you in for a hug. “You gotta go back inside.”

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “I’m sorry I told Dean, I didn’t mean to tell him! I’m so sorry, please don’t go!” It was hard to make out your words between the sobs, but Sam understood enough.

“It’s ok, it’s ok,” he soothed, though he didn’t know if that was true. “That’s not why I’m leaving, but I have to go. Go back inside.”

“I don’t want you to go,” you sobbed.

“I—“ Sam faltered. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m gonna miss you.”

Sam kissed your head. “I’m gonna miss you too. Now go on, go, it’s ok.” Sam waited until you were safely back in the motel room before he climbed into the cab.

He didn’t look back.

He’d had big brother moments…

…but none of those moments had ever had such finality and meaning.

It was a good decision—it kept him grounded for some of his time in hell, and gave him purpose. Even if it caused a lot of pain.

“You do remember that day!” Lucifer’s voice dragged Sam out of his memories. “You remember how you begged me to stop? And I told you all you had to do was step out of the way and watch while I had some fun with your baby sister. But you just wouldn’t do it Sammy.” Lucifer clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “You just had to be so darn protective. Not that it ever did her any good. I got plenty of torture in without your help, isn’t that right little N/N?” Lucifer’s hand ghosted over the side of your face, and Sam flinched.

“Don’t touch her,” he spat through gritted teeth. Your face twisted, as if you could feel the devil’s presence, but your eyes stayed closed. “Stop giving her nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” Lucifer grinned. “Oh, no Sammy, she’s with me. You’re the one in a dream right now—yeah, all this? Your perfect little life?” Lucifer gestured around them. “It’s a dream—it isn’t real. And what you’re seeing now is your baby sister sleeping, but what I’m seeing—“

The room around Sam snapped away for a split second before returning, then disappearing again. In its place, he saw the room of his waking nightmares.

He saw the cage.

And he saw you, in a position that was all-too familiar. Hooks sticking through your arms were holding you to the bars on the walls of the cage. Lucifer was standing near your hanging form, a curved blade in his hand as he cut into you again and again and again and again and—

“No!”

Bobby’s house returned in the blink of an eye, and you sat up with a gasp of terror, awoken by Sam’s outburst.

“I told you.” Lucifer grinned at Sam. “You never got out. Either of you. And you never will.”

…

He was here. You could see him. The dream was over, but Lucifer was still here.

Looking at him—sitting there on Bobby’s couch—was too much. You turned away, seeking solace in Sam’s arms—he’d stayed with you when you fell asleep on the couch.

“Bad dreams?” There was a quaver in Sam’s voice as he asked, and you wondered if he’d fallen asleep and had nightmares too.

“Yeah.” Your voice was muffled against Sam’s shirt, and you hoped he wouldn’t notice the nervous tone in your voice. You had promised never to lie to Sam, but you couldn’t tell him about seeing Lucifer—you just couldn’t. You didn’t want to scare him as much as you were already scared. You didn’t want him to start thinking what you were already afraid of; that you’d really never left the cage.

It wasn’t a lie, anyway—you really did have a nightmare. You were dreaming about that first day in the cage, and watching Sam get tortured for protecting you.

Until Lucifer got bored with that and tortured you anyway, when Sam was too bloodied up and weak to stop it.

“You’re not gonna talk about me?” Lucifer’s voice sent a shiver through you, and you burrowed further against your big brother. “You’re just gonna pretend I’m not here?”

“Sam?” You choked out. “Do…do you ever wonder if we’re still in the cage?” You held your breath, desperate for Sam to take away your fear. You knew you wouldn’t stop being scared no matter what he said, though.

“Ladies and gentlemen, give the girl a prize!” Lucifer taunted. “I think she’s got it! Of course you’re still in the cage!”

“We’re not—“ Sam’s voice caught, and he hesitated. “I…I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“Sometimes I don’t know if I’m dreaming or awake.” You whispered the words, as if afraid to shatter the tense air.

“It’s too good.” Both of you knew Sam was trying to convince himself as much as you. “He would never let us feel this happy. Right?”

“That’s what makes it fun!” Lucifer insisted. You turned your head into Sam’s chest, trying to pretend the devil wasn’t there.

You had no idea that Sam could see him too.

“I got your message.“ Cas’s voice startled you, and you pulled away from Sam to look for the source; he was standing in the doorway, and Lucifer was gone. Cas was covered in sores and blood, and he was staring right at Sam. “I need your help.”

…

It turned out that Sam had prayed to Cas, pleading with him to see reason and get rid of the souls that were consuming him from the inside out. Once Cas started to fall apart, he decided to listen to your brother.

Seeing Sam—not only ok, but solving the world’s problems—made you feel even more crazy, and ashamed that you couldn’t seem to keep it together.

“We’re ready.”

The five of you were back in the warehouse where it all began, waiting for an eclipse to open purgatory.

“We need the blood,” Dean said. “Sam, it’s on a shelf in the back hallway. Take Y/N.”

You trailed behind Sam—you were so happy they didn’t leave you behind, you didn’t care what they gave you to do.

“I think that’s it—“ you we’re just pointing to a long shelf that had a jar of blood sitting on the center of it, when a figure appeared in the hallway.

“Hey Sam.” Lucifer’s voice sent a shiver down your spine, but what surprised you wasn’t his presence; it was who he chose to speak to. Sam didn’t see him…right?

Your gaze switched to your brother, but he wasn’t looking at you. He was looking right at the devil.

“Sam?” You tried to get your brother’s attention, but he wouldn’t look away from Lucifer.

“I thought I told you to shut up.” Lucifer’s eyes were suddenly on you. That caught Sam’s attention, and now he was staring at you.

“You can see him?” Sam’s voice was barely above a whisper, as if he was afraid of his own words.

“I—I’ve—I’m—“ you were still trying to process that it wasn’t just you—that maybe you weren’t crazy. That maybe you were still in the cage after all. “I’ve been seeing him since this morning,” you admitted. “And hearing him longer. I didn’t want you to worry, I—I didn’t want it to be real.”

“Aww,” Lucifer cooed. “Both of you going mad, and neither one telling the other.”

“Shut up!” Sam snapped.

“Except—“ Lucifer continued as if Sam hadn’t spoken “—You’re both just finally realizing the truth. I never would’ve let you go, especially not both of you. You think I woulda lost both my toys like that? I mean, the fact that you believed it this long is just embarrassing.”

“Sam?” You stared up at your big brother, wanting more than anything for him to have the answer to the question you didn’t dare ask. Instead of an answer, you were rewarded with Lucifer’s hand around your neck as he shoved you around the corner of the hallway and up against the wall.

“I don’t like being ignored,” he growled.

“Stop!” Sam rushed at Lucifer, but a backhand from Lucifer’s free hand sent Sam flying back against the shelves.

“Now doesn’t this feel real?” Lucifer’s hand tightened against your throat, and your gasp for air was cut short.

“It’s…it’s not real.” Sam got to unsteady feet. “It’s just—it’s just our memories of hell leaking through. Y/N, it’s not real.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Lucifer scoffed, dropping you and turning to Sam. “But you’re about to see just how real I am.”

…

By the time the devil was done with you, you weren’t sure how much hope was left inside. But when Dean rounded the corner calling your name, you still ran to him. You still wrapped your arms around him. You still clung to him like a lifeline.

Because even if he wasn’t real, hugging him was still the best thing you’d felt for as long as you could remember.

“Hey.” Dean’s voice was gruff and on the edge of panic. “We gotta move, let’s go.”

You didn’t speak as Dean and Bobby led you and Sam outside. You lingered behind Dean, letting Sam catch up to you. As you took hold of his hand, you realized that the bloody marks and bruises Lucifer had left on the two of you were now gone.

You weren’t sure if that helped or not—Lucifer had healed your injuries countless times before, because he always thought it was more fun to give you a moment of pain relief before starting in again on the torture. As soon as your hand was in his, Sam met your eye and squeezed your hand. You squeezed his back twice, and the ghost of a smile lifted his lips.

The two of you had no idea if you were safe in the real world with Dean and Bobby, or if you were locked in eternal torture with the devil and his crazy brother.

But for now, you could hold onto each other, and it was almost enough.

…

“Sam.

“Sam.

“Sam.”

Sam jerked awake with a gasp to find Dean leaning over him. You stirred in the chair next to him, blinking your eyes open slowly—not in a tired way, though; it was more like you didn’t want to know what you would see once your eyes were open.

“Twelve hours, I’m calling that rested,” Dean went on, ignoring the terrified glance Sam shared with you. “Here.” He tossed a water bottle to you, then Sam, then followed it with a granola bar. “Hydrate, and—uh—proteinate.”

Dean then grabbed hold of Sam’s hand and peeled the bandage off—you weren’t sure when Sam’s hand got hurt, or why it was the only injury that he kept when the two of you walked away from Lucifer. But you didn’t question it—you had too many questions already.

“Aww.” You flinched when Lucifer appeared on the couch next to Sam. “He wants to hold your wittle hand.”

You watched as Sam forced his eyes on Dean, ignoring the devil completely.

“You’ll live,” Dean decided, moving aside to let Bobby rebandage Sam’s hand. “Now, I need you two to tell me what happened back there. You disappeared, and you looked pretty freaked when we found you.”

Sam couldn’t meet Dean’s eye as he spoke up for the two of you.

“It’s not just me,” Sam admitted. “She…she sees him too.”

Dean steeled his features quickly and took a deep breath.

“Him?” He asked.

Sam nodded, swallowing hard.

“It’s not just flashbacks anymore,” Sam said. “It’s—I’m having a hard time telling what’s real and what’s not. And I can see…him.”

“And you see him too?” Dean was looking at you. “You can see Lucifer?”

You nodded mutely, keeping your eyes trained on the carpet.

“So…so you guys are seeing the same thing? Every time?” Dean looked from Sam to you.

“I…” Sam tried to look at you, but you didn’t look up. “I think so.”

“Hey, any time you wanna chime in here kid,” Dean snapped.

You flinched, glancing at Dean before your gaze turned to Sam.

“Easy,” Sam told Dean. “She…it��s a lot.” Sam met your gaze head-on, and the two of you shared a near-psychic moment.

Lucifer was watching. Lucifer—whether he was real or not—could make you feel pain. Even if it didn’t leave a mark, you could still feel it.

“It’s not her fault,” Lucifer taunted. “She’s just being a good, silent little toy, just like I taught her. Right kid?”

Your gaze had returned to the floor, and Sam watched as your breathing became faster and you curled in on yourself.

“So he’s telling you that you’re still in the cage? That all this is fake?” Dean asked.

Sam nodded for the both of you.

Dean was quiet for a moment, and Sam knew he was trying to come up with some way to convince you and him that Lucifer was wrong.

“Ok,” Dean said. “Why would he give you this? Why would he make you think you’re happy when he can just kick you two all over the cage?”

“You can’t torture someone who has nothing left for you to take away.” Lucifer piped in, nodding at Sam. Sam swallowed hard, and repeated the words to Dean. “Very good Sam,” Lucifer crowed, and Sam looked away quickly.

“What about each other?” Dean pointed from you to Sam. “I mean, that seems like something he could take away.”

“It felt like we were there for a hundred years, Dean,” Sam admitted. “I…I guess we got pretty used to seeing each other tortured, and Lucifer got bored with it.”

He was right; it had been Lucifer’s favorite game to torture the two of you with each other.

Ever since the beginning, he always knew it was the most effective tactic…

“How about this?” Lucifer was wiping blood off his hands as he spoke. “My arms are starting to get a little tired. So how about—Sam, you torture your little baby sister, huh? Is that a genius idea or what?”

Sam was choking on his own blood, but he still managed a couple of words—

“Screw you.”

“Well that’s not very nice,” Lucifer scoffed. “You haven’t even heard my deal yet—you torture the kid, or I’ll rip her to shreds. Now, obviously, none of us can die down here, but I promise you; my methods of torture will be much worse than anything you could think of in your wildest nightmares.”

Sam turned to look at you—he didn’t want to make this decision.

As soon as you saw Sam looking at you, you shook your head immediately. Sam understood—he wouldn’t want to make you do that, either.

“I see you’re having trouble deciding,” Lucifer cut in. “I’ll let you two have a little chat about it, before the fun starts. But you’d better hurry up before my offer expires, and I tear you both apart piece by piece.”

Sam rushed to you, never one to waste an opportunity to talk to you.

“No, don’t,” you whimpered. “Sam, don’t. I’d rather let him rip my bones out then it be you, please. Please Sam.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Sam insisted.

“It-it’s not just that,” you told him. “I…I don’t want to look at you and think about—“

“Ok…ok.” Sam breathed a sigh of relief—the last thing he wanted to do was torture you, but if it would save you from more pain he would do it, if that was what you wanted. But you didn’t want that; you wanted—needed—Sam to be a safe person in your mind. Sam needed the same.

As long as the two of you could look at each other and see something safe, maybe you would be able to hold on to your sanity.

“But this is way more fun, right little toy?” Lucifer was tugging at your arm, trying to get you to look at him. Your breathing got even more panicked, and Sam couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene.

“Hey, are you seeing him now?” Dean demanded.

Sam nodded mutely.

“You know he isn’t real, right?” Dean said.

Sam finally turned to look at his brother. “He says the same thing about you,” he said.

Dean’s mouth closed suddenly, and he blinked in surprise. He didn’t have anything to say to that.

“Ok.” Bobby spoke up for the first time. “It’s back to the books.”

Sam watched Bobby and Dean walk out, and when he looked back at you, Lucifer was gone. He didn’t waste the opportunity—Sam rushed to you, pulling you into his arms and holding you until your breathing evened out again.

“We’re gonna be ok,” he whispered.

You looked around, making sure Lucifer wasn’t in the room before choking out a few whispered words.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Me, Sammy?” Your lip was quivering and your eyes were scanning his face, searching for an answer he wasn’t sure he had.

“I wasn’t trying to lie to you,” Sam promised. “I just…I didn’t think it was real. I didn’t want you to think we were back there, because I didn’t want to think we were back there.” Sam brushed your hair behind your ears. “What about you? You kept this from me, too.”

“I didn’t mean to,” you mumbled. “It was only dreams at first. Then I—I couldn’t tell if I was asleep or awake sometimes. Then you seemed to be handling things so well, so I—I just thought it would go away.” You sought out Sam’s hand with your own. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it. I thought we knew each other inside and out by now.”

“I guess we were both going through so much, it was hard to see straight,” Sam said.

“Don’t do that again,” you pleaded. “We should…we should tell each other stuff like this. We went through—“ you swallowed. “Through—through everything together already. We shouldn’t have to hide anything.”

Sam smiled, and instead of responding with words, he gave your hand a gentle squeeze. You smiled back, responding with two squeezes of your own.

“Well I think this is a swell idea!” You and Sam flinched at the same time when Lucifer reappeared. “Now, where were we? Oh yeah—eternal torment.”

Taglist:

@nyotamalfoy @mrvlxgrl @chocorade @aestheticdaisies @inlovewhithafairytale @that-wannabe-vangoghgurl @casmustdiee @987coley @deadlymistletoe @wayward-impala83 @whump-loverz @johannelis2302nely @studiogrimm810 @tell-elle

Uncaged Taglist:

@redbird-tf @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @o-birdseed-o @hopefuldreamers-world

[emmg]

Bees

This piece of unholy crack is for my wife @jainydoe

I want a fic where bellara is emmrich's ward and rook does the whole Look at your dad keeping bees Bellara I'm gonna fuck your dad shtick

"So he, like, adopted you?" 

Bellara gets bonked across the face by a very round, very enthusiastic artifact. "I guess? Kind of? A little bit before I was all grown up." 

Rook pulls a face. "Why?" 

Bellara idly scratches her ear with a wrench. "Oh, you know. Legal things." 

Rook’s face only twists further. "That explains nothing. That is the opposite of explaining. What in the Maker’s name does that even mean?" 

"Oh! Well, see, he was in Tevinter, and I sort of—not on purpose—ended up owing a lot of money. And then the people I owed were, um, very insistent that I give it back. Which was unfortunate, because I didn’t have it. And I told them I didn’t have it, but they still wanted it. So he paid it for me, and now I just use his money. It all worked out!"

Rook's eye twitches. "So… you're his mistress?" 

Bellara blinks. "His what?" 

Rook pinches the bridge of her nose. "Never mind. That was a no." 

"Mphff," Bellara replies as her eyebrows are promptly seared off. 

****

She doesn’t mean to stare at Bellara’s not-dad, but, well, here she is. Staring. Very accidentally, of course. Completely unintentional. It’s just—he’s her colleague now, and Bellara is her friend, and who could have possibly predicted that she’d one day reunite with Bellara only to find out that her not-dad was someone she’d end up working in—er, under—uh, near. In close proximity. Adjacent to. 

At the very least, Rook thinks, the Mourn Watch dresses excellently. Or maybe Emmrich Volkarin just has an aesthetic because the man doesn’t walk—he floats. His coattails are so long and dramatic that every step he takes looks like he’s being ceremoniously carried by the souls of the damned. Which, given the necromancy, is not off the table. 

They’ve been at this for, what, three months now? A season. A quarter of a year. Long enough for her to cycle through every possible thought about him and then loop back around for seconds. 

Oh, he’s so polite and well-spoken, she thought at first, when he shook her hand with all the enthusiasm of a professor greeting a particularly promising student.

Oh, he’s a fucking creep, she thought upon learning he had adopted Bellara under circumstances that sounded alarmingly vague.

Oh, well, maybe not a total menace, she thought after Bellara’s half-baked explanation, which made it sound only mildly suspicious rather than deeply, horrifyingly illegal.

Oh, he smells good, she thought during her first week as he escorted her through the Necropolis, his hand casually redirecting hers away from things that would almost certainly kill her, and books that, to her absolute dismay, were not only sentient but also carnivorous.

Oh, he’s rather suave, she thought over the next few weeks, as he took her through Nevarra City, treated her to a hot drink, and assured her that she was always, always welcome to seek his assistance.

Oh, he’s handsome, she thought immediately after—so immediately that her brain barely had time to pretend it had arrived at the thought by accident. And he’s old enough to be her father, but mostly handsome, and the moustache is unreasonably attractive, and the height is even worse, and she should really, really not be thinking about any of this, and yet here she is, thinking about all of this.

"Rook!" Emmrich exclaims one incredibly random, incredibly uneventful day while she is, unfortunately, very busy looking at his hands. "Bellara tells me you have a particularly sweet tooth!" 

She does not. She would die for pickles. She would haunt this plane for pickles. "Yes," she lies. 

"Splendid!" he says, bringing his hands together and clasping them tightly. "Then you must visit us soon. I have recently come into possession of some wildflower honey—oh, it is exquisite, truly, the product of a most diligent colony. The foragers in particular have demonstrated remarkable efficiency this season, and I suspect the local flora has been unusually accommodating due to the recent shift in temperature." 

"Right, well—" 

"—Which, of course, brings me to the worker bees," he continues. "Fascinating creatures, Rook. Did you know they regulate hive temperature by vibrating their wing muscles? And the social structure! Unparalleled efficiency! Every single one of them understands their role perfectly—unlike certain apprentices I have had the misfortune of instructing." 

Rook opens her mouth. "That's—" 

"—And then there is the queen," he barrels forward, adjusting his cuffs. "A singular force within the colony, capable of laying thousands of eggs in a single day. A most demanding role, truly. Yet she is fed and attended to with such devotion! Such order! Such discipline! If only more societies followed such an impeccable model, we might see—" 

"Bees?" 

Emmrich finally pauses, as if just now remembering she exists. "Indeed, bees. What is so odd about them?" 

A slow nod. "Nothing. Just bees." 

Ah. Yes. Silly Rook. Silly, ridiculous, absolutely pathetic Rook who somehow failed to anticipate that obviously necromancy and beekeeping go hand in hand. Because why wouldn’t the man who commands the dead also spend his free time whispering encouragement to a bunch of little winged bugs? 

She forces a smile. "I'd love to see your bees," she glances at his hands, "Professor Volkarin," she glances at his crotch. 

"Wonderful," Emmrich replies, fingers moving ethusiastically. "Now, then. That is maudlin enough. Shall we return to our work? I regret to inform you that the integument of this dearly departed is well beyond viable preservation. A pity, of course, but such is the nature of decomposition. We cannot embalm everyone, though that does not mean we are without recourse in matters of preservation." 

Rook stares at his mustache. "Mm-hm."

"It is but a matter of methodology. Acid or dermestid beetles?" 

Dear gods—Tevene, elven, Andrastian, it hardly matters—she is, at this very moment, experiencing an overwhelmingly physiological reaction to the prospect of engaging in relations with a man who is, quite literally, vibrating with enthusiasm at the idea of either meticulously excoriating a cadaver or observing the natural efficiency of insect-assisted tissue removal. 

Rook supposes there are worse wet dreams to have, worse ways to absolutely wreck her underwear. But if there are, they’re only marginally worse. A fraction. A hair’s breadth. What could be more concerning than getting embarrassingly, shamefully worked up over a man who talks about corpse preservation with the same breathless enthusiasm most people reserve for poetry? 

She should be ashamed. She should be reconsidering her entire life. Instead, she’s two seconds away from letting him embalm her from the inside out.

****

Bellara's eyebrows have mostly grown back.

She’s eating a sweetroll and staring blankly out the window. “What is your not-dad doing?” 

Bellara shrugs. "Something with bees. Oh, I don’t know. Emmrich’s taken with them. He cycles through hobbies. Manfred’s a big help though! He can’t be stung. Because he’s a skeleton.”

“Yeah,” Rook says, chewing, watching. “I get that.” 

She does not get that. Mostly because she's not really listening. 

This is getting fucking ridiculous. 

Out in the garden, Emmrich Volkarin, a senior necromancer of the Mourn Watch, a man tasked with managing the corpses and souls of the dead, a man whose entire job is death, is delicately tending to his thriving apiary. 

I wish he was fingering me instead of that honeycomb, she thinks. 

And then: Actually, no, I wish he was doing both. 

For the first time in her entire life, she thinks she would gladly, enthusiastically, joyously welcome a yeast infection.

Forget a locket, forget a pressed flower between the pages of a book—this would be her keepsake. A souvenir of her reckless devotion, a parting gift from a lover who, in this scenario, has not gone off to war but rather retreated indoors to alphabetize his collection of sentient, bloodthirsty tomes and, of course, check on his precious bees. And instead of a love letter, she'd get an ungodly amount of discomfort, a medicated salve, and a firm recommendation to avoid sugar for a while.

Or, she could just walk off a pier and let the ocean absolve her of whatever the fuck this is.

"Bellara," Rook says after clearing her throat, because she needs to clear something before she says this, preferably her entire fucking soul. "I don’t really know how to tell you this. But. Like. I’m going to fuck your not-dad." 

Bellara pours herself a cup of tea. "Oh." 

"While his bees watch." 

Bellara chews. Swallows. Looks at the wall. "Yeah, they do that. They're bees." 

****

It doesn’t get that far, mostly because Emmrich is self-conscious. Not about himself, not about his station or his dignity. Instead, he is deeply, tragically preoccupied with the goddamn bees. 

There’s a great deal of nervous glancing, a fair amount of softly muttered hesitation, and at least two instances of him clearing his throat as if that might somehow dissolve the situation entirely. Meanwhile, Rook, having very graciously cornered him in his own garden (while Bellara is mercifully elsewhere), informs him, quite politely, that she is going to ride him until his very narrow hips give out. Or, if that’s too much for his delicate sensibilities, she is happy, delighted, even, to let him make use of those long, elegant fingers instead. 

Or—and—and this is the option they end up going for—she can simply kneel and suck the very essence of his being out through his very academic, very esteemed cock. 

"Ah—yes—well," Emmrich says before trailing off. His hands twitch at his sides, his jaw tightens, but it is the unmistakable way he keeps looking at the beehive, as though his tiny buzzing witnesses might be horrified by this development, that really seals it. 

"Your, ah, interest is certainly reciprocated, my dear," he continues, voice smooth but just a bit strained, "but—oh—perhaps—oh—we might consider a more… traditional approach? A courtship, if you will? A proper engagement with dinner, and wine, and—Maker help me—a door that closes?" 

"Hmpf," Rook says, pulling her mouth off his cock before deciding that, truly, there is nothing worth saying to that. 

She sincerely hopes a bee stings him right in the ass so that he stops waxing poetic about the sanctity of romance and just concentrates on fucking her mouth, this handsome, ridiculous, too-tall, too-suave, insufferably sweet, bee-obsessed, not-dad of a man. 

[girldriveroscar]

carcar started fucking but for the sole purpose of playing mind games with each other or to other people. Then it evolved. no matter how Oscar denies, Carlos insisted on aftercare coz it’s he might be an asshole but not a jerk. they might stay the night or even morning afters, might accidentally do something so domestic like doing laundry and cooking together after the nastiest sex but they refuse to KISS because it’s too INTIMATE and they don’t even like each other like that

reaaaaaallalalallallly like the rough demeaning hookups to Why am I at brunch with u with u slippery slope. esp when neither one is necessarily intelligent about the fact they are catching feelings eh eh. im losing track of what convos I have w which ppl and what ive posted but. Carlos insisting on aftercare is so real to me. hes like aye. cmon. let me at least wash ur back if ur gna let me fuck raw.

then hes absolutely puzzled and wigged out the first time Oscar tops and oscars like. why r u putting ur clothes on get in the shower idiot. Carlos like wait. u want to take care of Me ? and oscars like oh so only im allowed to be an asshole about our hookups ur so annoying. then the reciprocated aftercare just Becomes a thing.

also sex wo kissing. most insane ever. yes exactly kissing is too much but eating my cum out of u is like typical rival behavior Sure.

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[Spoilers below cut]

looks like I owe everyone 4 bucks and a can of rizz soda 😔

... *record scratch*

OH HEY NOW WAIT A SECOND! This is the first time in a while that we got an episode with "SMG4:" in the title! and having peach's castle in the thumbnail?!

what. are. they. up. to. 🤔

(the following is my live reaction:)

oooh, what shenanigans are we up to now? and in Mario POV no less

FOUR IN HIS WOTFI OUTFIT AAAAA my boy 💙🥹

A DATE?! SINCE WHEN.... oh....

4... hun, don't tell me you drew her last minute for a date (same Mario same)

he really did the whole "I'm bi (myself)", just like me frfr

can't believe he would betray dasani like this smh /j

ARTHUR JUMPSCARE?! omg my childhood's coming back to me "That sign can't stop me because I can't read"

oh 3, you're on a date too? AND a fake girlfriend? what a coincidence... 🤔

somehow, all those smg34 fics that had 3 hosting a dinner date in his cafe are technically canon now, at least for 3's character (or has the Team been reading our fics oh god)

we even get a megari date? /silly

"JUST YOU WAIT, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT SOMEDAY YOU'LL SEE" I say as I get dragged into a mental asylum

OOF MARIO damn, I know you feel down but no need to do Luigi like that

oh hey E.Gadd! it's been a while huh

our lord and savior jesus, is that you?

well that's one way, very sweet (...depending on how you interpret death in this universe ofc)

PEAK SIBLING BEHAVIOR HELL YEAH

shit, we should've asked E.Gadd how to reverse that thing

*chokes on my coffee* HUH?! pause this episode right NOW, because I need to leave my room for a sec

...ok ok. can we talk about this? we're talking about this. alright so, let's start off with the basics: the fact that these two separately have a date with their inanimate objects and at one point, they decided to have a double date outside of the Showgrounds? no doubt all of the smg34 enjoyers are going to freak out about this one, I can hear it

Before I say anything else, why don't we put our smg34-tinted glasses (you got them on? cool):

Just this frame alone, I'm going to dissect this bit by bit. Look at 3's fake date: aside from being out of bombs, she's got a messy ponytail (bangs swayed to the right), big eyes, and a big smile. You got that? Now look at 4. I'll give you a second to take that in. You're back? Ok, because we're not done yet. Onto 4's fake date drawn digitally, appearance-wise, she's got straight and neat pigtails with bangs swayed to the left, calm/relaxed face. NOW look at 3. Their inanimate dates somehow mirror the other and likely this is their way of hiding insecurities/internal struggles (that includes whatever happens when they're TOO close to each other). Just by them being defensive about their own date/judging the other man's taste. Honestly, very in-character for both of them, it's simply how they are. I mean look at them, they're not even eating or chatting or looking at their dates. Just each other.

We unfortunately have to take these glasses off for a reason. Is it just me or does this whole thing feel strange? Not in the usual show shenanigans or the fact that this happened to begin with type of way. It just feels strange.

Usually with smg34 moments, there's purpose to their relationship. Even in the "Forced to Hold Hands" episode, though it was clearly fanservice, it establishes their relationship well in the obstacle course scene. Sure, they disagree, fight, get on each other's throats on some things but when the moment is dire or their goals align, they make a good team and chemistry. Their relationship grew from rough patches, at times realizing they needed each other (IGBP). Though they tease and banter, they still care for each other deep down. ALSO it was good foreshadowing to WOTFI '23 their dynamic and Guardian powers, and 3's notebook.

Basically "they're content with their lives on their own (even if they never met to begin with), but it's hard to imagine not having the other in the picture". That's why I can't imagine them being stereotypical lovey-dovey if they ever became a couple. Sure, it's cute but it's not them. Honestly, nothing would change between them for the most part, and that's totally fine by me.

That's why I find this moment strange because it doesn't carry the same energy as it had before. Instead of this scene being smg34 crumbs, it's more like "glitter splat on my face and being mildly blinded by it with confusion". Hopefully that makes sense, maybe that's just me. But anyway, we gotta move on.

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU... AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN (alfred always giving out the best of lines)

why do i hear boss music?

I know right, at least E.Gadd got it under control

I guess we can't say the word spaghet— AW SHIT THEY'RE RIGHT OUTSIDE MY HOUSE

STOP THEM WITH WHAT? OH C'MON

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING

THE POWER OF THE 4TH WALL *waves at my laptop screen reflection*

oh wait hold up the animation style changed, 4's so bouncy *squishes him like playdoh*

*PV arc war flashbacks ensue* huh, what are we doing again? oh right Luigi

3 what on earth are you talking about?! You met the 4th wall a few times now

also 4's silly and yet somehow creepy face he has here. i need you to blink, buddy, for my sake.

...also why did 4's voice sound weird? (Luke, this better be normal for my theorist's sake)

...FUCK

I never imagine a lythero ref in SMG4 but here we are :)

good question, 3. i can't believe you're the sane one here in this episode, even if you also did the fake date thing.

huh... well that looks familiar *looks at you unpleased through the screen*

It's funny to think how we the viewer or at least the camera person is the same height as the star trio

Luigi: "I've been traumatized" you're so real for that Luigi

FOUR YOU DIDN'T SWITCH IT NOOOOO

4: "Dude, seriously?" let's just give him a moment

"Clone" and "More Clone"? close enough, welcome back "why did I make a self-destruct button?"

CAN I GET A DATE?

I was gonna say, which ones were the OG's? Now we know.

👏👏👏 WELL SAID

"if you're watching this, you must be clinically depressed" 😀

Congrats to Cookie for your art being featured at the end credits🎉 we love to see it 💙 and based on one of my favorite episodes too? hell yeah

(...wait Team, why did you choose this one? what does that imply? Team? TEAM?)

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

Ok, I had a moment to think it over (and finish some biology).

I gotta say, this has been a pretty solid episode to see this Mario vs Wario dynamic. A rough start but I still enjoyed it. Hilarious moments and of course great animation (how many times have I not said that). A lot of the adorable faces made were by Shadow so applause to you bud for giving me this. And we got to see a more of Wiz' writing which is always a bonus, they have been going to a good streak so far! And I got to appreciate the Team putting 3 & 4 in their WOTFI suits, my absolute favorite matching outfits.

Now, come closer, can we talk about how strange this whole thing is?

The episode title is "SMG4:" now with no explanation by the Team after 56 episodes (44 episodes if we're only counting the main series) (also 44.... huh....) why now? Why this episode?

Change of thumbnail with one having Peach's Castle in the background, despite everyone knowing that it wasn't in the episode at all and is at the bottom of a monstrous pit (my moot managed to screenshot the YouTube glitch for me)

"Well, we can't exactly blame Ben. I'm sure it's whatever the Team wanted him to do for the thumbnail."

EXACTLY! The Team wanted him to add the Castle in just as it happened with the last episode's thumbnail with Mario. And we all know what Peach's Castle means.

(that boarded room again, curse that door)

4's Breaking the 4th Wall scenes (and 3 somehow not knowing what that is???)

(should we count 3 & 4's strange dates? maybe not)

Oh, and one more thing...

Chat, we might get goop!4 after all...

LET'S GOOOOOO🎉🎸🔥

Well, it turns out that the 3 & 4 scene really was glitter spat at my face just so it would distract us from what was REALLY going on, the Team is up to something. Hell, even my "for you" section was like "dude you have to focus on the mystery in hand" /silly

The hints we've gotten so far from the episodes and the Team, it has to be goop!4. And it all comes down to the Steam page, still waiting on that though.

We might have a "man on the inside"/failsafe route with 4 here, I've told you all it might. The Team is really testing us on this one, but we'll wait. Well, chat, I'll see you all in the next one, and remember: numbers go first!

*knowing smile :)*

...wait I still owe you all money and soda FUUUUU—

[khorneschosen]

Have you ever heard the famous quote that which can be expressed without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

I don't have a reply because my reply would be that this was off topic one two that it does not directly deal with my argument and three within the context of this could be just swept a side as irrelevant to our current conversation.

So in short your card form of argumentation is invalid but hey there was a point found in that. So I'll answer it just to let you.

And then I had to ask myself the question is it really possible to argue to you that perhaps what you're seeing through your very very I'm sure very objective media buys is not very rational because the one question is when you consider his past run and how he picked people and his current run it seems like he's picking people willing to bear the slings and arrows alongside him which was a major flaw and the people he picked last time.

Most people had to deal with your peoples insanity and decided fuck it I don't want to have to deal with this. But thankfully you guys have canceled so many people that there is a bond to be had by the fact that so many are already automatically hated.

As such for our purposes it's a great pic he's picking people he knows he can trust considering that we're dealing with a low trust situation.

For example when the FBI went after the mob they picked people who were not good people make no mistake they had problems of their own many problems many illegal problems. But this made them all the more loyal because one thing that the mob liked to do and was very good at doing was buying disloyalty.

Do you recognize this perspective to be valid do you recognize this perspective to be true can an unseen eye see the truth I don't think so hence why I didn't say it then.

So then I ask again how do you think this plays out what is your game plan here or you just flailing and hoping to God something hits because you don't actually understand any of us. Me least of all because I'm the grass that bends the other way even within this community and others. I'm a good old-fashioned freak in politics who kind of loves how the great game is played.

Or do you never plan that far ahead with anyone I want you to understand I'm going to be the toughest opponent that my kind can bring out for you because I listen to clearly and understand too much and what I get from you is a severe ignorance about the opposition because you have been taught badly how to understand your opposition your methodology is flawed

How fucking insane is U.S. politics when there are people out there defending the politicians who are stealing their tax dollars