#at least they put the date of origin in the title so I don’t have to click on every single entry

[16sundayss]

.

[oddballwriter]

Calling Them your Husband

Warnings: nothing really 

Author’s Snip: I just wanted to make some tooth-rotting fluff so enjoy

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Steven Grant

When you call him your husband, it was originally a joke, sort of

Your friend called you while you were out doing errands with Steven and they asked what you were doing, to which you said "I'm out with my husband getting stuff done."

Steven just blushes and does that goofy little smile he does because he's never heard you say that but now he wants to hear it all the time now

You guys are in a long committed relationship together and you two have been living together for some time now but he's been too anxious to ask about possibly getting married some day. Not knowing if that's something you want or if you just want to cohabitate as a couple instead

But now that he heard you refer to him as your husband (even if it was a little joke) he wants to marry you in a heartbeat so that you can actually call him your husband and he can call you his wife/husband/spouse

He just thinks about it the whole day but doesn't say anything to see if you will call him that again in case pointing it out will cause you to stop. He is a bit more affectionate though, sneaking in a pick on the cheek or something and secretly making goo-goo eyes at you

When you get home and you aren't in range of seeing it Steven starts looking up engagement rings and prices to see which one would look nice on you and try and save up money

Steven also starts to subtly, at least as subtle as he can be, ask you about if you want to get married someday

He's such a dork though, bless his soul, in his brain he's just kicking his feet and giggling. He's looking at prices for venues and planners already.

Marc Spector

Marc has it in him to get married, we know that

But in his mind he doesn't really see himself as "husband material". He thinks that he's got too much baggage that you'd have to deal with if you were married

He acts like you two haven't been living together and splitting the bills and stuff, which is sometimes what marriage is, in the most domestic way possible

To him, he can't really see himself being able to do the whole marriage thing all over again

That was until some drunk creep was hitting on you while you and him were on a date and you told the guy "I'm with my husband" which warded that guy off

For some reason you calling him your husband while you locked your arm with his just washed those feelings of doubt out. Something about it just made him feel so confident

Like "Yeah I'm their husband! Back off!"

After that Marc was more open with himself about the idea of letting that title back into his life and getting to call you his spouse too

He more so likes the ability to call you his spouse. Possessiveness is in him and by god does getting to call you his spouse feed it

Marc will ask about the idea of marriage sometime after that just to see if you like it

If you want to get married then he's on board. But if you think cohabitating suits you better then he's fine with that too

So long as you're there together and you love him then he's content and happy

Jake Lockley

Damn right he's your husband

Honestly ever since you two got serious with your relationship, became committed to each other, and moved in he's just been like "We are married now" in his head

He's never said that out loud but he knows that the feeling is there with you too

It wasn't until you semi-jokingly called him your husband when some girls were checking him out and you huffed and puffed about it

"What's the matter? I wasn't flirting back." "Well, excuse me for not wanting some giggling college girls to be eyeing up my husband."

And that just... made him feel something, in his heart and in his pants

No but seriously. After that night cohabitating and acting like a married couple wasn't enough. He needs to put a ring on you and vice versa

He will go down to town hall and get those damn papers and buy the rings right now

Jake was originally just going to wait until you said that you wanted to get officially married, but he just can't anymore

In the morning you guys are going to buy rings, get the papers filled out, and planning the wedding

He's got the wedding planner on speed dial and a house with a picket fence in the nice part of town ready to go, just say "I do" please

Honestly at this point he never wants to hear his name come out of your mouth ever again. To you, it's either "hun" "hunny" "dear" or "sweetheart"

Light of his life, air in his lungs, fire in his loins

Taglist: @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction

[mightyflamethrower]

15 Facts About E. Jean Carroll’s Allegations Against Trump the Media Don’t Want You to Know

1.  Bergdorf Goodman has no surveillance video of the alleged incident.

2.  There are zero witnesses to the alleged sexual attack.

3.  Carroll first came forward — conveniently — with the allegations while promoting her book What Do We Need Men For? in 2019, which featured a list of “The Most Hideous Men of My Life.”

4.  Carroll was unable to remember when this alleged attack even occurred. She told her lawyer in 2023, “This question, the when, the when, the date, has been something I’ve [been] constantly trying to pin down.” She has jumped years — originally beginning with 1994, then moving to 1995, and even floating to 1996. She cannot remember the season in which the alleged attack occurred either.

5.  The Donna Karan blazer dress she claims to have worn during the alleged incident was not even available at the time of her claims. Trump Attorney Boris Epshteyn told reporters, “She said, ‘This is the dress I wore in 1994.’ They went back, they checked. The dress wasn’t even made in 1994.”

“And that’s why the date’s moved around. This is the 80s. Is it the 90s? Is it the 2000s? President Trump has consistently stated that he was falsely accused, and he has the right to defend himself,” he added.

6.  She never came forward with these allegations over the years despite constantly being open about sexuality, posting things that were very sexual in nature on social media — many of which Trump has shared. They include remarks such as “How do you know your ‘unwanted sexual advance’ is unwanted, until you advance it?” and “Sex Tip I Learned From My Dog: When in heat, chase the male until he collapses with exhaustion … then jump him!”

7.  She said she was never raped, telling the New York Times’ podcast, The Daily,“Every woman gets to choose her word. Every woman gets to choose how she describes it. This is my way of saying it. This is my word. My word is ‘fight.’ My word is not the ‘victim’ word. I have not — I have not been raped,” she continued. “I have — something has not been done to me. I fought. That’s the thing.”

8.  She named her cat “Vagina.” “Her dog, or her cat, was named ‘Vagina.’ The judge wouldn’t allow us to put that in — all of these things — but with her, they could put in anything: Access Hollywood,” Trump told CNN.

9.  Joe Tacopina, an attorney for Trump, pointed out in May 2023 that Carroll’s entire story has incredible similarities to a 2012 episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. In that episode, titled “Theatre and Tricks,” an individual talks about a rape fantasy in Bergdorf Goodman — the same department store where Carroll claims the incident took place.

10.  Speaking of shows, Carroll loved Trump’s show The Apprentice.

“I was a big fan of the show. Very impressed by it,” Carroll said on the witness stand, adding that she “had never seen such a witty competition on TV, and it was about something worthwhile, competing.”

11.  Carroll made a joke associating sex with Bergdorf Goodman in a November 1993 edition of Elle, which was before the alleged Trump attack took place. As Breitbart News detailed:

Carroll was responding to a letter from a female reader concerned that she was having trouble achieving orgasm through sexual intercourse alone while the reader said that she could climax through foreplay. “Is there any way I could learn to reach orgasm through sex?” asked the reader in the November 1993 edition. “Maybe books I could read?” Carroll replied with the following advice (emphasis added): Dear Snowed Under: Stop flagellating yourself. Gadzooks! At least you have orgasms. And if that isn’t spontaneous sex I don’t know what is. Most women (about 70 percent) experience difficulties climaxing through intercourse alone. So you’re perfectly normal. Begin by reading For Yourself by Dr. Lonnie Barbach. She’ll give you excellent instructions on how to have an orgasm during intercourse. Then after 313 queenhell love-wiggles, move on to Gretta Garbo’s favorite love position – the top. (In erotic scenes, Garbo is always above the man. So are Sharon Stone, Bette Midler and Katherine Hepburn). Indeed, this location works better for women than the fourth floor of Bergdorf’s.

12.  Carroll is financially backed by anti-Trump Democrat megadonor Reid Hoffman, who has openly admitted to visiting convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

13.  Democrat party activists back her as well, as Breitbart News detailed:

Indeed, one of Carroll’s attorneys is Roberta Kaplan — a Democrat Party activist who led the group Time’s Up. She left the activist group after it was revealed she was aiding former New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo in attempting to discredit the Democrat’s accusers. It served as a great irony as Time’s Up seeks to defend women from what it claims is discrimination and harassment. This fact has led to mounting speculation that Kaplan only gets involved in cases that she views as politically expedient. Further, Federal District Judge Lewis Kaplan is overseeing the process and has connections to Carroll’s other attorney, Shawn Crowley. She was actually a law clerk for Judge Kaplan, and he officiated her wedding. That aside, Trump has denied knowing the left-wing activist as the only evidence of any contact is a single picture with Carroll greeting Trump and his ex-wife Ivana at an event greeting line over 35 years ago. Carroll has yet to provide solid evidence of this alleged encounter and will not use the dress that she claims had DNA on it from this alleged incident. Even Trump publicly said the dress should be part of the case. Further, there are no eyewitnesses of this alleged incident, which supposedly occurred at the popular New York City department store.

14.  The lawsuit was only able to proceed after Democrats created the Adult Survivors Act in 2022. She conveniently pursued this suit in November following the law going into effect, which allowed her to avoid the statute of limitations for this case.

15.  Carroll once said, “Most people think of rape as sexy.”

Donald Trump Jr. also retweeted a list of facts about Carroll, urging others to take a look:

- She couldn't recall the date, month, season, or year the incident happened -

She never told anyone about it, despite being publicly obsessed with her own sexuality -

The dress she claims to have been wearing didn't exist at the time -

Her description of the dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman was inaccurate, making her sequence of events impossible -

Her lawsuit was bankrolled by Jeffrey Epstein pal and Democrat (and Nikki Haley) mega-donor Reid Hoffman -

Democrats created a law (The Adult Survivors Act in 2022) to enable her lawsuit to proceed - Her accusation is the exact plotline of an episode of Law & Order (one of her "favorite shows") -

Trump's Apprentice was also one of her favorite shows -

She has a history of falsely accusing men of r*pe, including Les Moonves - She told Anderson Cooper, "most people think of r*pe as being sexy. Think of the fantasies." -

She made a career promoting promiscuity, even writing glowingly of sexual assault and naming her cat Vagina

We owe Stalin and Hitler a huge apology. We are ever so bad as they ever were. This isn't Justice. Its punishment for for disobeying the deep state elites.

[itpemod]

SIGN UP POST

It's late September and that means #ITPE sign-ups are OPEN 🎉🎉🎉 Links will be at the end, so please read through the post as we have a lot of new information/procedures this year!

This is the FOURTEENTH year of the exchange, but the FIRST year we will be hosting it on Tumblr, which was far and away the winner in our platform move survey. Happily, this means we get to keep our acronym and branding!

What is #ITPE?

#ITPE is a low-pressure, no-minimums podfic exchange that originated on Twitter. We are now on Tumblr because of Twitter’s…everything, since it was bought by the Muskrat. Everything–sign-ups, communication, assignment/gift distribution–used to be run entirely on Twitter, but as the exchange has grown, we’ve incorporated other platforms to help make our lives as mods easier. Consequently, sign-ups will be on AO3 and submissions of your finished gifts (when it comes time for them) will be via Google form. Otherwise all communication, including announcements, questions, assignment and gift delivery, will be conducted over Tumblr and instant messaging. 

Who are the mods?

Our mod line-up is @blackestglass (blackglass) & @knight-tracer, with flowersforgraves assisting on the backend with data management. 

What is the schedule?

The dates for #ITPE 2024 are:

Sign-ups: SEPTEMBER 21 - SEPTEMBER 29

Assignments go out: No later than OCTOBER 8

Projects due: DECEMBER 17

Distribution: DECEMBER 24

So long as it's still September 29 somewhere in the world, you can still sign-up.

How do I sign up?

We are continuing to run sign-ups through AO3 (without a nominations process, so just write in your fandoms). We are asking for a minimum of 3 unique fandoms and if you want to sign-up to give or receive more than 20 fandoms, pick your TOP 20 for the AO3 and put the rest in your Dear Podficcer Letter. If you have less than 20 fandoms, we encourage you to list all of your primary and secondary fandoms in the sign up form so we have options for matching!

Note: We consider certain RPF fandoms as “umbrella” fandoms. We know we have K-Pop podficcers and sports RPF podficcers who often sign up for our exchange. Individual K-Pop bands and individual sports/sports teams do not count as “unique” fandoms (so for instance, only listing SHINee, BTS, and A-Teez would not count as having 3 unique fandoms for sign-up purposes; for our purposes, they would all fall under the K-Pop umbrella). In addition to listing your favorite bands/sports/teams in the fandom field, we do ask you to help us out for matching by thinking of at least 2 other fandoms which you might be happy to give and receive in. The RPF podficcing pool is small and we try not to repeat matches within a 5-year period, so giving us more fandom options will help us find you a match. 

What is a Dear Podficcer letter?

Your Dear Podficcer letter should include stuff like squicks, triggers, ship and trope preferences, and anything else you think we & your gift giver should know regarding your fandom tastes. Letters are mandatory. They don't have to be long! But if you have extremely specific tastes, it’s better that you let us know upfront in your letter so that we can ensure that you receive a gift you’re happy with. Please don’t worry about seeming “difficult”! We want you to love the gift you receive! Also, do feel free to request your small, obscure fandoms! Just help us out by also including some more popular or “mainstream” fandoms among your options. 

If you’re still uncertain what a letter should look like, here are some examples from 2020: blackglass’s 2020 letter & knight_tracer’s 2020 letter. You can also check out linked letters in the “Requests Summary” on AO3 to see what other people’s letters look like!  

Letters should be hosted on a publicly viewable platform, such as on Dreamwidth, tumblr, carrd, GDrive, Dropbox, etc. 

Please put your Tumblr and AO3 handles (if they don’t already match) in your Dear Podficcer letter. For our sake, ideally somewhere in the title field. Toss a coin to your mod team. 

Also please be kind to your mods & avoid using smushnames or cute fandom ship names in your letter. We're not always in your fandom & sometimes people will use different names to refer to the same pairing & we mistakenly believe you're requesting different pairings (see: the Zimbits/JackBitty/etc. debacle of 2020). Using Char A/Char B(/Char C) would help us out a lot! You don't have to use AO3 levels of disambiguation – just provide us with enough information to figure out who the characters involved in the ship are. 

If you have specific tastes in what you want to RECEIVE in a fandom, but you’re willing to CREATE outside of those preferences (for instance, wanting to receive podfic about a specific pairing, but willing to podfic for other pairings in a fandom), please indicate that in your letter! If you want to offer or receive fandoms that aren’t currently on the AO3, or you’re one of those gutsy people that is willing to offer and create in “any fandom”, message this account and we’ll make sure it’s all recorded. 

In addition, if you’re an adventurous listener who is open to RECEIVING podfic for “any fandom” please ALSO message us so that we’re aware! We still need a minimum of 3 fandoms for your sign up so that it can go through.

If you have any DNWs (“do not wants”)  that you don’t want to post publicly in a letter, concerns about matching, or anything else you’d like to privately let the mods know, there’s a section in the sign up this year that you can fill out. Or you can send us a message!

How should we be communicating with you over Tumblr? We will primarily be using the instant messaging function. Therefore you will need a Tumblr account to sign up, because that’s where all communication and assignment/gift delivery will take place. It’s totally fine to use a placeholder account you only use for this exchange. (We do recommend adding a userpic, filling out your bio, and maybe reblogging a few posts so that you don’t seem like a bot.) All participants should be following the mod account, especially if you have restricted settings so that only people you follow can message you. The instant messaging system, unlike the ask system, allows us to maintain a record of our communications, and is the best way to share information you want to keep private between us or have extended conversations. You may use asks if you have a one-off question or questions you don’t mind getting public answers to. 

(Notifications for new Tumblr messages can be finicky so try to check out the messaging tab semi-regularly throughout the duration of the exchange instead of relying on the blue dot to let you know there’s a new message.) 

In an attempt to avoid tripping spam filters and hitting the Tumblr limit on sending messages to new people, we are asking you to help us out by sending us an instant message to let us know you’ve signed up, rather than us trying to reach out to dozens upon dozens of people (prime spambot behavior)! 

What happens if you get marked as spam?

If we get shadowbanned/tossed in potential spambot purgatory, the mods will reach out to you from our personal accounts/mod sideblogs or via email. During the sign up period, we will reach out to you via messaging to ask you for a reliable email address to reach you at in case all of our attempts to not get flagged as spam fail.

If we are marked as spam, we’ll still be able to post on our own blog and we should still appear on your dash, but we won’t be appearing in the tags most likely, which is another reason why it’s important for you to be following us!

How does matching work? How will I get my assignment?

The mods do hand-matching, meaning rather than just letting the AO3 algorithm run and make arbitrary matches based on fandom, we read all your letters and try to match you with someone with similar tastes and interests. We’ll only be relying on the AO3 algorithm to help us spot tricky matches. 

Another of the ways Tumblr combats spam is to shadowban anyone sending multiple similarly worded messages. We’re going to make an attempt to deliver extremely pared down assignment messages so that we’re mostly sending unique information. If we do get marked as spam, as mentioned earlier, we may reach out to you on sideblogs or via email. 

What kind and how many gifts should I make? Do you really mean “no minimums”? 

Yes, ITPE gifts have NO LENGTH MINIMUMS. Make something as big or as small as you want to commit to! We truly do mean it. This is meant to be a low pressure exchange! Accordingly, please set your expectations that you may receive a short gift. In the past, we have had participants who’ve been extremely generous and made a prolific amount of gifts for their giftee, but they are outliers and there is certainly no expectation that anyone else should strive to those heights. 

I have more questions about making gifts!

We’re sure you do, but we’re not there yet! We will update this FAQ with more information about submitting gifts and treats once assignments go out, so check back!

I’m ready to sign up! What are the next steps? 1. Fill out the sign up form on AO3 here.

2. Follow us @itpemod if you haven’t yet!

3. Send us a message over the chat letting us know you’ve signed up!

4. Optional (but encouraged if you want to talk to people!): join the Tumblr Podfic Community to participate in the friending/following meme!

5. Optional: Track/follow the #itpe or #informal tumblr podfic exchange tags! 

[innuendostudios]

by a wide margin the weirdest video essay I've ever release: List of Songs that Represent "Smart Music" Ranked from Most to Least Appropriate to Put in a Video Essay

this video is sponsored by Nebula, where you can watch ad-free and (sometimes, slightly) better edited versions of my videos for 40% off an annual subscription. just follow this link.

as a quick note: YouTube has already demonetized this video, as two different corporations are claiming copyright on recordings they do not own the copyright to - both are Creative Commons recordings of public domain music, that, in one case, YouTube has misidentified as a different recording, and, in the other, YouTube has the music in its database as under copyright despite it being having been released under CC BY-SA 3.0. I am disputing these false claims and will (hopefully) get whatever money I am owed, but, for now, YouTube is not paying me a dime for this.

so it would be a bigger help than usual if you would either watch the video on Nebula or back me on Patreon.

thanks. transcript below the cut!

List of Songs That Represent “Smart Music” Ranked From Most To Least Appropriate To Put In A Video Essay (And Presented In Drill Bit Order).

1. Clair de Lune, Debussy

This has been top dog ever since the teaser for Godzilla: King of the Monsters, and cemented its position against challengers with a showcase in Everything Everywhere All at Once. Said film could have been the shark-jumping moment where the song was irretrievably lost to irony, given directors Kwan and Scheinert (Daniels)’s style mercilessly marries the aesthetics of prestige and shitpost. Yes, despite its silliness, EEAAO is achingly sincere, but could the general public be trusted to recognize that? But then it won Best Picture, so apparently yes! Beautiful, delicate, to score a film or video with Clair de Lune signals a desire to be seen not only as an intellectual, but as an aesthete. The song could lose potency if the Clair de Lune sequence were parodied enough, but how does one parody EEAAO???

9. Gymnopedie No. 1, Satie

I fear we must, as a society, and as a community of video essayists, move on from Gymnopedie No. 1. It held the title longer than, I think, any champion previous, and for that it deserves merit. But its time is over. It is, like the phrase “mad dated,” mad dated. It is saying “lmao” out loud. Did you know the original screenplay for 2005 film The Island specifically stated that, in the weird culty enclave in which the film opens, Gymnopedie No. 1 must be playing over the loudspeaker? I don’t think Michael Bay followed that directive (I’m not rewatching the movie to find out), but that is how long this was the “Smart Music” song - since 5 months after YouTube launched. If you must - absolutely must - put Satie in a video essay, use Gnossienne No. 1, though it too is on its way to passe. At this point I’m prepared to say Vexations or GTFO.

2. Ave Maria, Schubert/Liszt

Nothing was certain after Satie vacated the throne, and for a while it seemed we might have a Starks vs. Baratheons situation between Schubert and Debussy. Following several appearances in pretentious YouTube videos, the Ave Maria made its strongest showing yet by scoring the opening scene of the grimdarkest Batman film so far, an entire twenty days before getting fully Lannister’d by Everything Everywhere All at Once. Unbowed, unbent, and unbroken, still she nips at the heels of the king, and may yet take his place. No one else poses a comparable threat. Hers is a curious strategy, being a religious, Christmas, and even classic Disney standard now repurposed as “Smart Music;” she gets a big boost every December, but can she take the top spot before this cyclical exposure nudges her back into a prior niche?

8. Moonlight Sonata, Beethoven

If you were in a film program in the mid-2000s, you are sick to death of Moonlight Sonata. Also if you were in a music class where you were asked to determine a song’s time signature by ear - how am I supposed to tell the difference between waltz time and 4/4 with all triplets without the sheet music in front of me? To say scoring a video with Moonlight Sonata is a hack move - you’d have to be a hack to not already know! This was the soundtrack to the blind cave salamander level of Earthworm Jim 2, there’s no coming back from that! I mean, the association with Tallarico Studios alone… It’s done. Roll over, Beethoven.

3. Cello Suite No. 1 (Prelude), Bach

This one is firmly-rooted. It is not going anywhere, both in the sense that nothing could soon push it off the list but it’s hard to imagine rising any higher. It is just slightly too beautiful, too expressive, too legato to fall into the stiffness of Habanera or the pomposity of a De Beers ad, but just close enough to them in tone to always read as a hipper alternative. So you’ll never be overexposed, but never go that long without hearing the Yo-Yo Ma version. And so here it stays, third on the podium, solid bronze, the waterbender, the Plup; with you as always is Prelude to Cello Suite No. 1. (Frankly surprised it took us this long to get to Johann, but don’t worry - he’ll be Bach.)

7. Air on the G String, Bach/Wilhelmj

Told ya. It’s not that she isn’t a beautiful piece of music, and it’s not that she already had her time. In truth, she never got her flowers. Inasmuch as she had a run, it was squished between the omnipresences of Beethoven and Satie. You’ll still hear from her now and then; she crops up, like a lucky penny. And you’ll smile, every time, but you know the stars in your eyes are not present joy, but nostalgia. A fondness for what was and what could’ve been - what should have been. Why - why couldn’t this have had the legs of Gymnopedie? I mean, even the Fucking Champs version - could that have made a run? Could TikTok pick up on it? But comes the day you have to accept - if it was gonna happen, it would’ve happened by now. Air on the G String grows weary; let her rest.

4. Duo des Fleurs, Delibes

Bit of a dark horse, this one. Didn’t exactly come out of nowhere - it’s been here the whole time - but you didn’t see it coming! It’s like that time I went snorkeling, and I wondered, “Where are the fish?” I was told there would be tropical fish, but all I saw was blue. Then I caught one flitting by my head and, as soon my eyes registered the shape, I realized they were everywhere! I just hadn’t taken them in. This is the one that makes you ask, where did I hear that before? Was this the one at the end of Margaret? No! How did it go? How do I hum dyads? But then it shows up and, oh yeah, that’s the one! The really pretty one. I knew it’d come around again. Has staying power, could make a run for the top if it sees an opening, but seemingly content, for now, to dance around the periphery, appreciated when heard if only half-remembered the next day.

6. Prelude in E Minor Op. 28 No. 4, Chopin

The bottom end of acceptability. Anything lower, you must avoid. But you can use Prelude in E. It is a risk, and it takes skill. But you can use Prelude in E. It is not for the faint of heart. This is the ending of Fez we’re talking about here. This is that one TED Talk about how everyone loves classical music they just don’t know it yet. This was all over Anatomy of a Fall. Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer something lighter? Nocturne in E-flat [Op. 9 No. 2] is very nice. Prelude has just enough penetration that some people are going to recognize it, and enough clout that those who do are going to expect things of the person who puts it in a video essay. You can’t just throw this under a rant about The Snyder Cut. But you can - with care, with effort, and with grace - use Prelude in E.

5. Spiegel im Spiegel, Part

We are not ready for Spiegel im Spiegel. The rare “Smart Music” that is, rather than classical, contemporary minimalist. This is - I have been led to believe - all over the film festival circuit. It is the go-to for aspiring arthouse directors. So I assume it is only a matter of time until it reaches general cultural awareness. But we - the YouTube video essay community - are not, at this point in time, pretentious enough to pull off Spiegel im Spiegel. This is not a statement on the song: it is a lovely, sparse, and unpretentious piece of music, which is why pretentious people are drawn to it. And we are not there yet. But I believe in us.

POSTSCRIPTUM

The List of Songs that Represent “Smart Music” is not ranked by quality; they are all, as a baseline, masterpieces. They are ordered, instead, by their possession of antipodal qualities. Beethoven’s Fifth may be a beautiful piece but it’s too well-known - to the casual listener, it reads only as “classical music.” Vltava is a beautiful piece, but it’s not recognizable enough - to most, it will read only as “music.” Pachelbel’s Canon works in too many contexts. Mozart’s Lacrimosa no longer works in any context but “Shit’s About To Go Off.” The Song that Represents “Smart Music” must balance these humors: suggestive, but not too specific; recognizable, but not overfamiliar. The kind of thing one imagines cultured people listen to, and fancies oneself cultured for having noticed it. Just popular enough to signify obscurity to a large number of people.

This impossibility of being both popular and obscure is what keeps the list in motion. Many songs drift back into obscurity before reaching the top, but, once in the primary position, a song begins its slow procession to overexposure. And when, at last, it is too popular to be niche, it does not slip to number 2; it plummets to the bottom, as did Icarus.

Due to this slow but constant movement, new songs will, at intervals, join the ranks, taking the place of those that became gauche. And if, dear listener, you were aiming to trendset, to score your next whatever-it-is-you-do with the newest Song to Represent “Smart Music,” and were I a gambling man… Bach’s Prelude in C. And I’ll tell you why: it appears in the Netflix series Bodies alongside Chopin (#6), mirroring Satie’s dual appearance in The Queen’s Gambit (#9); its arpeggiated structure makes it usable in scenarios similar to the Cello Suite (#3) (Johann did love him some broken chords); and it forms the basis of the Gounod version of Ave Maria, if you would like a Cool Person’s Alternative to Schubert (#2). You may feel I’m playing too safe, but I tell you truly: this song is due. But if I can impart one piece of wisdom let it be this: whatever you do, whoever you are, you cannot use Fur Elise. You cannot. You can’t do it. It can’t be allowed. Don’t fu-

[deathnguts]

I see a bunch of people discussing what they think Regulus’ birthday and therefore zodiac sign are but I’m here to not contribute at all to that and instead give you a birthday headcanon of mine that isn’t about dates (this is with trans regulus in mind, I should mention)

Regulus was given the middle name Arcturus despite it being masculine, literally his grandfathers name, because they share the same birthday. I imagine they wouldn’t have celebrated Regulus’ birthday at all if it wasn’t, but it was so his grandfather feels the need to make that a big deal and all about him by extension. He proclaims Regulus to be his favorite grandchild, he showers him with attention on the day, when he was small enough he would hold him all night and show everyone his ‘favorite gift.’ Though this is sweet in concept, it’s all self serving.

Arcturus is the family patriarch, the one who passed the lordship down to Orion. He was the original black family member to have his oldest son (Alphard) run off on him. I feel he’s so outwardly proud of regulus for something completely out of his control just because he doesn’t like Sirius, again for something completely out of his control. Since day one Arcturus believed the next oldest boy in the family would run off like Alphard did, and he was right. So he felt he should make Sirius feel guilty for his eventual betrayal before he even committed it by liking his brother (sister, at the time) more. And this was also a spit in the face to Cygnus’ children because Arcturus had made it such a big whiny deal when Cygnus and Druella only bore girls. He claimed they were a waste of the title of Black and that women, especially in such abundance with three of them, were merely holding them back with all the useless work put into raising them just to be married off. (He was probably born in the 1910s or earlier, i can’t imagine he likes women that much.) So every year he takes an extra shine to show his least favorite granddaughters that they’re lesser to this one for no reason other than this one is more like him.

This all puts a certain resentment against regulus, especially on that day. Even Sirius, who at the time loved his brother so much he would have killed for him if needed, couldn’t stand to be around him without getting snippy. And Arcturus knows this, it’s why he does it. Every parent on this family is quick to realize how easy it is to pit the children against one another to further keep them under your thumb, he was very insistent on that when raising his own. He views regulus as a scapegoat to continue his favorite game. Get Sirius and Narcissa to resent regulus for being the favorite when they try so hard. Get Cygnus to resent Orion for simply baring a better ‘daughter’ when he tried so hard. Get everyone in the family so desperate to please and willing to try so hard to make it happen so surely they won’t make silly mistakes like displeasing him.

And then this leads to a few strange connections being made despite the rivalries. On Arcturus’ birthday (never is it referred to as Regulus’) you can catch Walburga and Sirius getting along, for they share a certain anger. Walburga bore regulus, why isn’t she getting praise like Orion is? Sirius is older than regulus, why isn’t he cherished the way regulus is? And then on the flip side, you can catch famously aloof and distant father Orion approving of his child. Arcturus is his father who Orion has done plenty to try and please, with taking up lordship when Alphard left and that, so I imagine seeing his child be a source of a pride is a source of pride for him.

It’s at these parties that regulus learns from a pat on the head from his father who never even looks at him that bringing pride to the family feels good. It’s at these parties Sirius learns that bringing pride to the family is circumstantial and impossible.

Anyway I don’t imagine the black brothers enjoy celebrating their birthdays all that much.

[rc-writes]

Hiiiii, I like the design of your blog ✨

I don't know if you can write an imagine about Garfield Logan x reader (fem). Where they have an embarrassing but adorable moment when they try to have their first kiss.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 "𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞"? ?

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨  |  𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢

pairings: garfield logan x fem!reader

warnings: I think there's a curse word or two, reader is mentioned to also be a titan living in the tower, possibly a grammar mistake here or there (please let me know if you see any)

a/n: hi!! thank you! it took so long to format everything so i'm glad to see people actually like it! and thank you for being the first person i don't know to send a request in! i originally was going to make this a "three times they were interrupted and the one time they didn't" type of thing but i kinda got carried away and when i thought of the ending to this i just had to write it this way. but i do still have an idea for my original thought if you or anyone else would like a part 2. but anyways, i hope you like this!

Living in the Titans Tower and being a Titan made for an interesting and busy life. Besides having to go on life threatening missions every other day it was also nearly impossible to have alone time. Despite there only being a handful of people living there, there always seemed to be at least one person in every single room on every single floor.

Want to have a midnight snack alone at 3am? You end up scaring the shit out of another member of the team and vice versa because they too wanted a midnight snack.

What to have a training session by yourself because you want to train without being watched? Sorry someone’s already gotten there first and do not plan on leaving anytime soon.

Want to take a peaceful nap after a long day of training? Almost impossible with the sound of a video game blaring from down the hall.

So safe to say that when you and Gar started dating it was almost impossible to have a date night within the tower. It was also almost impossible to have a date night outside of the tower as well when you were both crime fighting vigilantes. You guys tried to spend the day at the nearby park before but a not so accidently gas leak in the city’s main electrical building cut it short. 

This was why you and Gar opted for just staying in the tower and spending a day in your room. 

At first it was a little awkward. Gar had been in your room countless times before, but with the new titles of boyfriend/girlfriend over your heads there seems to be a new pressure to be perfect. Gar was so nervous to overstep you had to be the one to tell him it was alright to sit down because he stood awkwardly in the doorway for the first two minutes of you two talking.

Eventually you two settled on making different kinds of bracelets. Possibly a bit of an odd thing to do on a “date” but it gave you two something to do and allowed for talking to still happen.

 “Uh, I don’t think I did this right.” Gar sheepishly smiled as he held up a bracelet he was making that looked more like a giant knot than anything.

You giggled at his poor attempt at making a rope bracelet and moved closer to help. Now you were sitting side by side instead of across from each other. “Here let me help.” You said as you grabbed your own two strings of yarn. “First fold the blue yard in half and make a loop, then fold the pink and put it through the loop…”

You continued to give a detailed instruction on how to make the perfect rope bracelet but Gar didn’t hear anything past the second sentence. He was too busy watching every slight move your face made as you talked. From the slight smile you held as you began explaining, to the way your eyebrows knitted together in concentration, and to the way your eyes lit up when you finally finished the bracelet, he noticed it all. He couldn’t believe the girl sitting next to him even wanted to be his friend let alone boyfriend. 

“Gar?” You asked when he didn’t say anything after you finished the bracelet. “Did you get any of that?”

Still slightly dazed, Gar said the first thing that came to mind, “You’re really cute when you’re all concentrated.” It took approximately 2 seconds for him to realize he said that out loud. And when he did come to he shifted his gaze from you in slight embarrassment, face most definitely completely red already. He wholeheartedly meant what he said but didn’t mean for it to come out so straight forward all of a sudden.

You also felt a blush creeping up your face at the same time a toothy grin did. There was Garfielf Logan calling you cute when he sat there, tangled mess of yarn still in hand, with the shyest adorable look you’d ever seen. You reached out with one hand to turn his face back towards you. “I personally think you’re cuter.” 

Now it was his turn to have the biggest smile on his face. It wasn’t the first time you had called him cute but he’d pay big time for you to never stop saying it. He too reach a hand out to hold the side of your face. 

Now you both stared into each other’s eyes, barely inches apart. For a few seconds you both just stared at each other’s faces before both of you started to lean forward. This was it, you both were finally about to-

“Hey Y/n, did you happen to know where Kory went?” Rachel suddenly burst through the door without knocking, sending you and Gar away from each other as quickly as possible. By the way you two moved so fast and Gar nearly fell off the bed it wasn’t hard for Rachel to figure out what she just interrupted. “Sorry, I’ll just go ask if Dick knows.” And as quickly as she came in, she went out.

For a moment you and Gar looked back and forth from each other to the door a few times before both bursting into laughter. The initial reaction was to feel incredibly embarrassed at what just happened but from the look on Rachel’s face it seemed like she was the most embarrassed and the whole ordeal was just too funny to not laugh. 

“It truly is impossible to have alone time in this place, huh?” You asked once you gained control of your laughter.

“Unfortunately.” Gar responded, letting one more laugh out.

You reached for two strings of yard nearest to you, “So did you want me to re-explain bracelet making to you?”

Gar began to shift closer to you again. “In a second, I want to do one thing before.”

“What-” He didn’t let you finish your question before fully leaning in and kissing you. It was a very quick kiss, you didn’t even have time to process what was happening and kiss back before he leaned away again. 

“Alright now you can teach me.”

[loudmound]

What don’t you like about the remake? I gotta know

anon i fear you are going to open pandora's box with this question.

since it was revealed in 2022, i will say that my very passionate, fiery, and searing hatred for its very existence has definitely simmered, and what i hold now in my heart for it is a very... cautious disdain.

i'll do my best to break it down for you.

PART ONE: BOOBER TEAM LOL

so... for starters, bloober team, the developers behind the remake, has had something of a muddied history with riding off the coat tails of games past, airlifting concepts from them wholesale, and layers of fear was no different in that respect. there's also the can of worms that is their survival horror title "the medium", which is basically bloober's silent hill 2 before the sh2 remake.

spoilers for the medium, but what can be gleaned from it thematically deeply concerns me as a sh2 fan, i.e. the notion that a victim of csa is simply too far gone and either the player character has to kill her or herself with the adage "you cannot save everyone". not to mention the fact that said victim's abuser was framed in a far more sympathetic light than she was, framing his predatory behavior as a monster controlling him from the inside. it's disgusting and insensitive, simply put.

this theme of "if you're mentally ill or suffer from trauma, you're beyond help and simply better off dead" also appears in their blair witch game, which is... great. from jump, i have had less than favorable opinions on bloober team, not for the quality of their visuals or their gameplay, but what stories they're most interested in telling, and how they go about telling them, exactly.

now, to blanket state that every single person on bloober team are hacks and frauds and don't have a shred of integrity telling the stories that they do would simply be ignorant and incorrect. i wholeheartedly believe that there are individuals working on the sh2 remake right now who want it to be the best that it can be and Very Much Want It To Be Good. it's a shame that these individuals who don't have much in way of creative control are getting thrown under the bus, too.

i can, however, maintain that opinion while also finding their backlog of games prior to the upcoming remake very disconcerting and have that inform my overall level of distrust in their integrity wholesale.

PART TWO: PRESS X TO CRY

i don't think there's anything that makes me more miffed than thinking about when the first remake trailer dropped.

so, we see our friend jim rush into the bathroom, seemingly out of breath, and wash his hands in the sink. we then get a shot of those hands, trembling with fear. he then takes thumb to palm, rubbing circles into them, presumably as a means to soothe himself. we then get him looking into the mirror, seemingly confused and out of place. he touches his face, much like he does in the original.

now, i understand that the notion of jim's emotionality has been a hotly debated topic. some people like it. some people don't. and i'm one of those people who doesn't. at least in this particular vein. in the original sh2, the cold open we get with james slowly approaching the mirror, shrouded in shadow, running his hand over his face as if he doesn't think he's real immediately sets the tone. we don't know who this man is or why he's here. as far as we know, he's just a random guy looking for somebody. namely: We Do Not Know He's Guilty Of Anything.

jim, however, is OOZING of guilt. he literally washes his hands, for christ's sake. anxiously washing his hands of his deed. the fact that it's more obvious that he's a guilty man from the start rather than further re-contextualizing his behavior throughout the narrative and to the reveal is a very classic blooberism.

bloober has a very bad habit of being... heavy-handed when it wants to implicate. saying what something is without saying it outright. this can be found in the most recent release date trailer, where angela desperately tells james that "[she'll] be good for him" ('him' being her sexually abusive dad, of course) in a scene which looks like she's in front of the giant mirror. in the original, it's apparent that Something's happened to her, but we're not sure what until the abstract daddy boss fight later in the game where she says "or you could just force me. beat me up like he always did."

it's not that sh2 wasn't ever blunt or heavy-handed with its storytelling, of course, but it's a matter of when it's appropriate to forego subtlety. eddie, for example, doesn't make vague allusions to or sugarcoat the abuse that he experienced as a fat person, and that's fitting! being candidly violent and more outward in contrast to angela who for the most part is very withdrawn and meek works very well. sometimes, being blunt is the best course of action for optimal characterization/narrative progression.

also, on the topic of jim... i call him jim simply because he does not read as james to me. he's a new individual that's operating within a james-like role; he's just... simply a different person. he's very, very gritty, and VERY visibly neurotic. to me, he's very much anxiety tunnel-visioning: hyperfocused on one thing that everything else seems to fall by the wayside.

i never got the implication that he was dissociating like the original james is, of which i think is a core trait of his, and probably informs a lot of why i do not read jim as james. this is a very take it or leave it kind of opinion, and it's not that i feel super negatively about jim's characterization, either. it's just... idk i don't think screaming and crying while falling to your knees is a very james thing to do. james fell to his knees silently after he screamed, comparatively. shrug.

it's like... james is a herding dog and jim is a sighthound. same animal, different kind.

and then there's maria. but i wrote a whole post on that already, so you can read that here. people have also written numerous think pieces about why her redesign is so nothingburger, too, so i'm not the only one who thinks this way, either.

angela in the remake is alright. i have my gripes, but she's okay. what concerns me the most is the VERY PERTINENT lack of eddie. he has been very notably absent throughout this whole song and dance, and it's getting fucking ridiculous. WHERE IS HE BLOOBER. I KILL ANOTHER HOSTAGE THE LONGER YOU KEEP HIM FROM US.

PART THREE: CONCLUSION, AKA NEVER TRUST A COMPANY WITH YOUR HAPPINESS

all and all, i don't have very high hopes for the sh2 remake, not because it doesn't look good, play good, etc.; the way that a game plays, and even more so how a game looks doesn't matter to me so much as how the narrative is executed. the remake, photorealistically, looks great! the environments are very rich. that's all well and good.

but, again, looks alone cannot sway me. it's nothing that i haven't already seen before done by games past. i'm not excited for a sh2 that looks like a re2r or a re4r, simply put. there was a style developed within the limitations of what the ps2 could handle, and with the massive upscale in technology and photorealism above all else, it's undoubtedly lost. while a matter of taste, of course, i just find myself very straight-faced looking at what teasers we have of the remake. i'm not amazed, nor am i amused! it's as simple as that.

and also, we should mention that at the helm of it all, konami has been milking the silent hill franchise for all it's fucking worth. maybe the members of bloober team are trying to genuinely make a good game for once, but konami wants that money at the end of the day, if the spectacular failures of games past, as well as silent hill themed experiences such as ascension are anything to go by.

also also, this remake is never gonna satisfy every single sh2 fan. that's just the truth of the matter. i think some people are really gonna love it and some are really gonna hate it. realistically, i'll be very meh on it. i can find some things to like about, but that's really it. if i'm cherry-picking things i enjoy about something i'm largely reticent on, i wouldn't call that enthusiasm in the slightest. would you?

anyways, thank you for reading. i hope these answers suffice and satisfy.

[vae1bixy]

Opie Winston x OC {Josie Bethe Teller]

Title - Partner in crime

Wordcount - 3.8k

Summary - Everybody has a secret that she doesn't tell anyone. Something dark and twisted or something more easier then that. A small embarrassed secret. But in Josie's life hers was a little more darker then a simple doll obsession.

A/n - This is my first time writing for SOA. Or for doing one of these with an original character. WARNING This contains death and abuse.

Josie Beth wasn’t a push over.

You couldn’t be where she grew up. If you acted weak you lost respect. Or at least any respect that could potentially be given. She learned from a very young age. That if you’re not strong you don’t get respect. You don’t cry, you don’t let yourself be hit or verbally berated. You fight back. Even if it costed you.

She was just sixteen years old, just in the junior year of high school. When she was even there. She was either suspended or expelled. At that time she had begun dating this guy. They were inseparable. He was a straight A student. A guy that never got into trouble. The complete opposite of her. It was almost funny.

Especially when he turned out how he did. Her boyfriend Sam. He wasn’t a guy who yelled or berated her. He was a bit of a nerd. Could go hours and hours talking about some new video game or sci fi show or movie. Anything he loved space and everything that came with it.

So when he began yelling at her and distancing himself. She didn’t worry too much. At least not anything bad. She didn’t halt at it. She knew something must have happened for him to switch his personality so sudden. They had been together for two years. Known each other for three. And he had never done anything of the sort. He was a pretty sweet and kind guy.

That’s when she began to think maybe he had a bad day. A bad week, a bad month. Maybe it was all the stress his parents put on him to get good grades to be the best. But then the arguments began to shift to just him yelling at her. Then one day it changed. He slapped her face. And her eyes widened when he did it. So did he. Like he was surprised he even did it. Like he didn’t expect he would go so far. And neither did she.

Holding up a hand to cover her cheek. Her brows furrowed and she slapped him back. But this time it was harder. Sure enough to leave a print on his cheek. He held his jaw with eyes widened like he couldn’t believe she hit him back. “What’s going on with you Sam?” She asked, sounding hurt. A small frown appeared on her lips. Her cheek didn’t hurt so much just her pride.

“I don’t know” He answered with a shake of his head.

Then he looked like began to get scared. Eyes widening and he grasped for her hand and she watched him. As he held up her hand and pressed small kisses to it looking up at her with puppy eyes. “Please don’t leave me i’m so sorry” He said pleadingly. “I’m so sorry” He repeated.

Josie bit the inside of her cheek as she watched him. She knew she should have broken it off right there. But some part of her wanted to forget it happened. He was apologizing; he knew what he did wrong. And she just loved him too much to leave him. So oblivious she began to speak back up. “It’s not alright” She said slowly.

And his eyes widened further. His grip tightened just a bit on her hand. Like he was afraid she was going to tug away. “But don’t do it again,” She said strongly. Eyes narrowing at him.

It was like a light flickered. He began grinning and let go of her hand to bring her into a hug and hold the back of her head. “I won't, I promise sweetie,” Sam said before he placed a kiss on her. Not giving her time to shut her eyes. Josie began to frown deeper but closed her eyes and allowed herself to be pulled away.

But that was a lie. It got better for a bit. The arguing stopped and the yelling stopped. All traces that he ever hit her were gone. The bruising on her cheek faded within days. But that didn’t mean no one questioned her. The guy’s even her mother. Jax and Opie well all of them were convinced it was Sam.

She only told them she got in a little fight with a girl at school but she won. And that was the end of it. It wasn’t unusual for her to get into fights anyways. For her to come home with a black eye or bleeding lip. Sometimes her mother swore she got into more fights than the club. That she went out looking for them.

And honestly sometimes she did.

Then the arguing started again. Fight about nothing and fights about major things. Usually Sam began the fight and Josie was just twisted up alongside it. “You’re always together” He began one day. But it wasn’t the only time the argument was brought up. Sam didn’t used to be a jealous person. He believed she respected her. He even used to hang around the house when Opie or any of the guys were there.

That’s another reason she couldn’t help fathom why he was doing it. He had to know they would kill him if she wanted them to. All she had to do was tell them. Actually she could ask them. Ask them without explaining and he would be dead within minutes. They could beat him into a pulp. Shoot him. Burn him. Anything they so felt like.

“There’s nothing going on with Opie '' She screamed back.

Anger climbing up her spine. Fists clenching at her sides. So hard her nails were digging into her palms. She promised herself she wouldn’t seep so far and hit her partner no matter if they were a woman or man. She didn’t want to be in a relationship like that. And she sure as hell didn’t want to be with someone who would treat her that way.

Lately she had been questioning whether or not she even wanted to be in a relationship with him. He wasn’t the same person he used to be. He was more angry. Slowly it was like pieces of what made him his own personality were disappearing, cracking and falling off of him over time.

“I see the way he looks at you” He spewed into her face. Hitting the air like he was trying to enforce what he was yelling. He hadn’t ever hit her since the first and last time. It had been three months since. Three months but it didn’t leave her mind. Sometimes she would lie in bed. Sometimes he would kiss her and she wondered when the next time he was going to blow up.

Josie wiped at her eyes a sigh falling from her lips. She was so tired so tired of this same argument. He hadn’t been there but an hour. And right after Jax and Opie had left her house he began yelling at her. The same thing he always did. That her and Opie spent too much time together. That he was afraid they were going to cheat on him. That he was just so insecure he had to take it out on her.

“He’s just a friend, I don't know what the hell is going on with you,” She screamed. It’s not like she could control how much Opie came over. He was her brother's best friend. And lived right beside them. And he was hers as well. She would never drop a friendship over a guy or girl.

Next thing she knew it. He stepped forward and instead of the palm of his hand his knuckles were coming into contact with her eyes. Hitting her in the corner of her right eye. “Don’t talk to me like that” he said darkly. Before he dropped his hand.

Josie touched her brow and there was a bit of blood on her fingertips. She looked at him before she turned away. Heading straight to the door. No one else was home. But if she called her brother she knew he would be right there. “That’s it” She said as she walked away. She was done. She was through with him.

“Josie” Sam called out then once more but a little harsher.

She opened the door and was about to leave but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. The door is still open. “Don’t go” he whispered. A small twisted smile lighting his face up. As he tried to cradle her hip with his other hand. Trapping her against him.

She wasn’t sure what happened but at that moment it was like she saw red. She reached down and grabbed the freshy new revolver she was gifted off of her desk. And shot him. At least that’s what she thinks happened. She just saw red. Heard nothing. Not until everything was coming back to her. The red leaving and the world returning.

And there on the floor of her bedroom was her boyfriend, his eyes wide and a bullet hole in his forehead. She dropped the gun and fell beside him. “I’m so sorry” Josie hiccuped. Her hand running through his hair. She whispered apologetics until finally she wiped at her eyes and stood up.

She grabbed her phone, shaky fingers touching the keypad in memorization. She didn’t call her mother. She didn’t call her older brother or even their father’s best friend Clay the man who ran the club. Josie wasn’t exactly sure why she even did call him. When the ringing stopped a tired voice answered.

“Hello” He said through a yawn.

“I need your help” She whispered. Soft sniffles filtering through the phone.

In that moment it was almost like those words pulled him back into the living. Like all traces of sleep were washed from him. “On my way” He said hard. Before she could hear shuffling on the other end. Like he was getting up. Then he ended the call shutting it off.

But he was there in a matter of a minute. They did live next door after all. He didn’t even knock on the door. Just walked straight into the house like he lived there. “Josie” Opie called out looking around the living room. Checking out the room waiting for any sign of her. But everything seemed normal. But he knew he wasn’t hallucinating; it sounded like she was crying over the phone. And Josie never cried. At least around him.

“In here” She called out.

He followed her voice down the hall and stopped at her room. The door was shut. And there was a stop sign on the door. Like that was meant to stop any sort of trespasser from entering. “I’m coming in” He said, like a warning. One he had learned very quickly to do years ago.

Whatever he expected was definitely not what he walked in on. There on the floor was her boyfriend right on his back. Blood was flowing from his head and created a puddle on her floor. And she was just sitting on her bed sheets. Specs of blood on her hands and printing onto the handle of her gun. The gun that was hanging loosely in her hand.

“Jesus” He said as he took his beanie off and wiped at his hair. Stress is already pulling onto his face.

Sure he was ‘in the club’ but not really. He was just a prospect. He was a new guy. Even if he had grown up in the club. He saw shit nobody saw. Heard things nobody heard. But so have she they all grew up there. But this he had never seen a dead body before. At least this fresh. Not when the blood was still flowing out of them.

“I had to” She said like she was stripped away from whatever thoughts she was having. Tears falling from her eyes and sobs rocketing through her. Deep and throaty sobs. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to kill him. But secretly deep inside of her she knew she did. She wanted him to feel what she felt.

Opie was stepping over the body and to Josie before he knew it. Taking the gun easily with one hand and setting it onto the mattress. While he crouched down eye to eye level with her. “Hey hey it’s okay” He said as he brushed a hand over her cheek brushing the tears away. Wiping bits of blood as he did.

“I’m sure it wasn’t really your fault” He said, causing her to laugh a bit. Everything was her fault. Especially this. A man, well a boy was dead because of her. Even if she thought he deserved it. Even if she secretly didn’t feel guilty for it. Someone was dead. Someone who had a bright future. Maybe even getting out of Charming unlike her.

After a minute he went to stand up. “We have to call your brother and mom” He said decisively. Jax would kill him if he didn’t call him. He’d kill him for taking so long to call. He loved his sister more than anything. Even more than Gemma and the club. And if the asshole on the floor was still alive he would be dead again.

“No you can't, they'll just be disappointed in me” She said as she grabbed ahold of his wrist and stopped him from moving any further. He looked down at her hand but she still didn’t let go.

Opie frowned at her unsure of how to help. He wasn’t equipped for this. To comfort someone and over kill another person. But he had a big feeling the guy deserved it. “They didn’t like the guy anyways” He said, trying to joke. Still in front of her line of sight and blocking off most of Sam’s dead body except for his legs.

“I’m serious Opie” She said, shaking her head tears rolling back down her cheeks. Even if she was the one who did it. She was feeling the lost of him. Of her boy friend. Or ex at this time.

He tapped a hand to her head and petted it. As he began to think of how he was going to cover a murder. Sure he thought about it before. Heard the other’s talk. But this would be his first time. “We’re going to figure this out” He said comfortingly. As tears dipped further down her cheeks.

Opie went back home and grabbed his father’s car keys. It wasn't’ hard he wasn’t home to find out and with this time of hour he probably wouldn't be back until the next day. But they would have to be quick before Gemma or Jax got back.

He pulled the old truck out of the driveway and to her and backed the tailgate up to the doorway. Before he got out, shutting the door and checking to make sure no one was outside before he went back into the house this time he didn’t waste the energy to knock. And they rolled the boy into her carpet.

He got the front end of the body and she got the rear end. Opie wasn’t super strong. He was more height than muscle. But he could lift a good seventy pounds. Less than half of what the boy weighed. He walked backwards her in front and they barely lifted him up to the tailgate. Even with it down.

“Where are we going to hide him?” She questioned. Crossing her arms over her chest. The blood beginning to dry and stick to her arms.

He raised the tell gate up before he turned to look at her. His eyebrows are raised even in the night light. “I’m going to find a place… you just stay here and clean the blood up” He said struggling a bit to find the words. Before he began to walk back to the driver side door.

“Hell no im coming” She said, following back towards him.

“Josie,” He quipped.

But she shrugged a bit. A less annoyed expression disappearing and a more upset one coming back. Small drops of blood on her right cheek shining in the lamp against the wall of her house. “I killed him, I might as well follow through,” She said, nodding a bit. It was only right. Somehow it would make her feel better.

Sighing he opened the door and gestured to the other side. “Alright, we'll get in” He ordered. She wasted no time but to shut the door. They were silent on the way there. Nothing but the small buzz of the radio and the thud of Sam’s body in the back of the truck when Opie hit the brake too hard.

They drove for what felt like hours. Passing by building restaurants, homes, even a police car. Before they arrived at the destination. He began to pull into a wooded area where trails lead into it. Showing that it wasn’t completely deserted. They came there to party before. All of them well all the teenagers getting together and going out to the woods to party smoke drink fuck. Anything.

“Are you sure this is a good place to leave him?” She questioned worriedly. Looking around but the emptiness of the woods was all she saw. As she walked to follow him out of the truck.

Opie looked back at her his hands on the tailgate and pulling it downwards. “Do you have a better idea?” He questioned leaving no heat in it. But she just nodded. He grabbed a hole of Sam’s hand and pulled the body closer so she could reach. She grabbed a hold of his feet and made a face of small huffs coming from her as she lugged him in wards of the woods.

“Right here” He said through bated breaths. They both dropped the body and it hit a thud onto the ground at the same time.

“Wait here” He ordered giving her one more glance before disappearing the way they came. Josie waited in the woods. Her arms holding herself as she tried to look anywhere but the dead body and the darkness the woods provided. She never liked the darkness of the woods. But maybe it was partly because of the night she just had. Just when she beginning to get antsy and about to leave to find Opie.

She heard footsteps. And he was coming back into her sight. But fuel in his hands. “We need to get some sticks” He said. She nodded a bit and began to grab some around them. Him doing as so. Lifting big sticks up hurriedly and dropping them around the body.

“You never asked why I did it?” She said quietly.

He wasn’t dense he saw the bruise growing around her eyes. The blood in her eyebrow. He knew what happened. Opie had never liked Same. But neither did Jax and Gemma and really everybody. But Opie didn’t dislike him for there reasons. He wasn’t sure he just had a bad feeling about the guy. And apparently he was right.

“Should i?” Opie questioned glancing at the side of her face a bit.

She just chuckled a bit before she stood up. A pile of limbs in her left hand and pointed to her eyebrow where blood was drying up. The growing bruise on her face. “He hit me,” She said like she found it funny.

“And you’re laughing?” He questioned confusedly. Dropping the limbs onto the body a little extra harder than really needed. One thing about the club was that they didn’t believe in abusing women or children. They might do all kinds of other shit that wasn’t morally good. But they had a fine line of morally good and wrongs.

She shook her head dropping the limbs before she fell into laughter again. Her hands on her knees as Opie watched confused. Finally she stood up wiping at the tears on her face, a grin still in place. And small giggles falling out of her mouth. “I don’t know, I just think it’s ironic,” She said.

He nodded slowly. Maybe he thought she was losing her mind. Josie was kind of scared that she did. She wasn’t exactly a saint. But she never thought she could be capable of killing another person. And someone she loved so much. Someone she imagined growing older with. “This should be enough,” He finally said.

She nodded a bit. And he poured the fuel over his body and into the sticks. She watched fascinatedly holding onto her body tighter with her arms before he pulled a lighter out of his jeans. But instead of lighting it he handed it over to her. Josie took it carefully, watching him with wide eyes.

“You’re honors” He mumbled a bit.

“Thanks” She whispered a bit before she leaned down crouching.

Josie thought about saying some words. Saying how he deserved what he got that she wished he got worse. That she hated him. Maybe the opposite, maybe that she loved him and that she was sorry. Maybe tell him how she felt. But she didn’t do either; she leaned out and lit the branches. Slowly the fire spread from the limbs and the leaves and into the carpet.

Standing back up by Opie. She could only imagine how he looked now. His cheeks she used to kiss red. The skin coming off until it was a bloody mess. His short dark hair that she used to run her fingers through burning until it fell off. Opie wrapped an arm around her and brought her to his side hugging her a bit.

It was then the decision they both made finally came to light. Like they were suddenly realizing. They couldn’t tell a soul. At least not any more. Either of them could do time for it. Even Opie for helping her. Neither of them would say a word of it. Without a single word spoken they just knew. She knew she made the right decision.

Maybe she was more of a Teller then she thought.

Josie stripped her sweater then her shorts and dropped it into the fire watching as the flames took that too. Until she was just standing in a long t-shirt then barely touched her knees. They stood there watching as the fire burnt through the body. Stayed there for another hour. Sitting on the ground watching. Just to make sure the body did decompensate.

Before they got up and went home. Opie pulled into his driveway and then walked back. As they finished cleaning up the spot on her floor board. Scrubbing it with boiling hot water and soap. On her hands and knees. Opie went home an hour after through her window when he heard the sound of a motorcycle pulling up.

[lashton-is-my-drug]

Lashton Timeline Masterpost; using 5sos and solo albums for eras

Using 5sos albums to show an overview/condensed relationship era timeline, using selected tracks. Release date is in parenthesis. Keep in mind, albums are recorded AT LEAST 6-8months before released, more typically closer to a year earlier.

A note I do want to make is that the affection between members of the band, and the fact they knew, and even created their pairing names, normalized and arguably fed into the "shipping" culture that happened. This has caused confusion throughout the fandom in delineating what friendship looks like and what a relationship looks like. Friendship is where the best relationships are based. How many times have you heard couples say that their partner is their best friend. All of the boys are best friends as well as soulmates, as themselves have stated.

Now with that out of the way....

(Gif: Fetus Lashton)

Luke's mom is Ashton's maths teacher 2009- 2010 school year.

Then at some point Luke and Ash are both at the cinema where Luke is getting bullied by some kids and Ashton steps in and defends Luke (knight in shining armor anyone???). I will make another post about the timeline of the band and Lashton. For this timeline though, I will be focusing on their music.

(December 2012) “Somewhere New” first EP

“Out of My Limit” [Luke songwriter] - Special attachment to this song as it was performed in 10th Anniv YT Show. The lyric referencing 2 years matches up with how long Luke and Ashton knew each other. Calum and Michael met in 3rd grade, Luke went to the same school with Cal and Michael. Also, Ash was the only one to have jobs to help with expenses. [[Side note: Something that’s been on my mind is how “meet split ends” could be a double meaning to reference the band Split Endz (same lead singer is in Crowded House. SE was prior to CH. Lead singer is known in the industry for his songwriting skills. Ash is a fan of Crowded House.)]]

“Beside You” [Luke songwriter] - It’s a song of longing. During an interview, Ash attempted explaining the meaning is one can of beans is with another can of beans, but there’s another can of beans that wants to be with one of them. He lost confidence in his explanation so he didn't continue on with it. 🥺☹️

(Gif: March 13, 2013 Ash London interview Ash leans over and kisses Luke's shoulder after caressing Luke's hair. Cal leans over onto Luke's other shoulder (doesn't kiss him ofc to try to cover it up) The interviewers don't even acknowledge it happening. Link

Pictured: April 14, 2013 Tweet posted by Luke then deleted, confirmed by an OG 5SOS fan)

Gif: October 30, 2013 Melbourne, Aus with their parents in the audience. During the song "Teenage Dream", which is already a suggestive song in of itself, Luke walks over to Ash with a huge grin on his face during the line "let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans" Then Ash sings the "let me be your teenage dream tonight" right into Luke's ear, while Ash is doing a rock n' roll suggestive shoulder roll. Luke is all for it. Link

Photo: Luke's mom takes photo of the moment and posts it to her socials

(June 2014) “Self-titled” album

Lashton young love era continues. Learning how to craft songs and production and forming a bond with producer/mentor John Feldmann. “She Looks So Perfect” single released March 2014.

This is strongly shown through songs like “She Looks So Perfect” (originally completely gender neutral in lyrics and title “You Look So Perfect”), “End Up Here” “Don’t Stop”, “Long Way Home”. SLSP and EUH have direct evidence about Luke and Ash’s relationship starting. The rush of first meeting your person and first love. ❤️

(June 15, 2014) "Don’t Stop” EP

“Don’t Stop” [Luke and Cal songwriters] confirmed lgbt on Track by Track YouTube video, Cal tells Michael he wrote it for him, meanwhile Luke and Ash are specifying a whole backstory which includes drinking at a party. The boys already did have experience drinking, even though not legally allowed yet. Luke's cheeky love song. Ash has a brave moment of adding that it can be about a boy, then Luke agrees with him. Remember, Ash didn't write it.

“Try Hard” Start of lyrics mentioning roses in Lashton songs, Luke and Ash present day have matching rose tattoos.

“Out of My Limit” included on EP.

(March 2014) “SLSP” Ep +B sides

“Wherever You Are” [Luke songwriter] Experiencing a special closeness with someone but unable to be together because of forces, have to hold back “every night I almost call you just to say it always will be you”, “you can say we’ll be together someday”, “I know I shouldn’t tell you”, “why can’t I stop feeling this way”, “but there’s nothing that compares to what we had, and so I walk alone”.

(October 2015) “Sounds Good Feels Good” album

Focused on mental health, trying to figure out how to handle pressures of the industry on one's self identity, and navigating relationships with one another. Full of teen angst. Heavily working with John Feldmann. Proving themselves to the industry.

Luke and Ash getting even more seriously involved (evidenced by “Vapor” “Waste The Night”)

(Gif: Nov 2015, Ashton showering Luke with love on the couch moment included in How Did We End Up Here 5sos documentary video. Ash is all happiness while again, Luke is enjoying the heavy affection from him.)

(June 2018) “Youngblood” album

Luke and Ash really step up as lead songwriters. Right after the end of tour sometime in August of 2017, the two of them go to Stockholm, Sweden together to immerse themselves in honing the craft of songwriting with Rami Yacoub and Carl Falk.

(Gif: May 28, 2017 Luke says he would "follow him to the end of the Earth" Link)

(Sept 13th, 2017) Luke tweets for Australia to legalize same sex marriage (he very rarely talks about political issues),

October 10th, 2017 Ash next to Luke, while in the car with Luke driving and Cal in the backseat, proudly announces “Luke lives with me now” via instagram livestream. Link

Oct 15th, Ash, makes sure everyone is aware they definitely are living together, tweets about him and Luke living together complete with a cute video of them in living room together. Link

Oct 20th, 2017 Australian marriage equality account tweets to Ash asking for a follow to be able to DM, Ash replies with “Done 🌈❤️”. Visuals take a much more purposeful presence than ever before during this era. During promo for YB, Luke and Ash wear matching rings.

Lyrically the song “Youngblood” seems to be wanting each other but with a bit of angsty sexuality and the games that are played.

“Valentine” [Ash songwriter] Ash directed the music video, music video included LGBT imagery. Genius interview, Sex and romance doesn't need a specific day, it should be all the time. Luke makes sure to say “it’s sweet”.

“Better Man” recorded in Bon Jovi’s guitarists house (Luke’s fave band), Luke said it was him being in “a very self-destructive place” “then juxtaposed in the chorus” of finding someone loving.

“Empty Wallets” Ashton trying to impress Luke by giving Luke money to spend, but then not approving of how he spent it (lyrics reference drugs). Ash does however, believe in second chances (Cocktail Chats). An interview exists that Ashton speaks about spending money on a partner, which insinuates its his love language.(I would include reference to interview but I don't remember which one, I've watched too many to remember which one, sorry) He's bought Luke expensive multiple custom leather jackets, and has made social media posts showing off such gifts. There's no evidence, as far as I know of, Ash buying lavish gifts for Cal or Michael. Yes, Ash bought all four of them brotherhood necklaces, which are meaningful, but there's nothing lavish, like custom leather jackets.

“Want You Back” During Zach Sang interview, Ash says it describes “falling in real love and it determines the way you go in relationships the rest of your life, frustration of not finding that again, [It’s] not the actual person”. Paying attention along the years how much Luke and Ash are on the same wavelength in interviews and such, like finishing each other’s sentences and connecting on each other’s thoughts and how affectionately (not the same affection towards Michael or Cal) they act towards each other. Luke “lyrics are sad, but upbeat [musically]”. Includes another reference to roses. Ash has worn a roses shirt. "Freckles on your back" Luke has freckles. Luke starts feeling comfortable enough to wear makeup in the music video. Wearing makeup is a big thing to the guys because of conservative views on gender norms they were surrounded by in Australia. Rainbow music video, with room for interpretation.

“Ghost of You” Band was/is escapism (started day 1 as escaping Aussie), this line is queer coded “my feet don’t dance like they did with you”, “(Led) Zeppelin shirt” is Ash, Ash has expressed that this song is emotionally meaningful numerous times ever since released. I have a whole lyrical analysis posted.

“Meet You There” Right person wrong time, will be together when time is right. Easily consider this as queer flagged relationship that can't be together for certain reasons...

"Midnight" Bonus track. Has an incredibly queer flagged theme of only being able to love someone at night, never in the light.

"Monster Among Men" Another bonus track. Queer flagged song. "I'm so bad for you", this song is so filled with testosterone.

"When You Walk Away" Another bonus track. "Such a sentimental love, In a cynical world". Yet another song about outside judgements on being with a lover, a common theme weaved throughout 5sos and solo discography..

(Gif: Calum's recording of Luke and Ash being adorable goofballs together moment, included in a 5SOS tour diary. Dare I include that while Ash and Luke are boyfriend'ing, Luke's beard is on the same boat...)

(Pic: Jun 6, 2017 Luke posts a photo to his IG captioned "ashtonio irwinie". Luke and Ash cozy during what can be construed as a date night. Link )

(March 2020) CALM album

Maturing even more into their adult life era

“Red Desert” Motivation as a band. Having a reason and muse that keeps you going for a goal. Luke and Ash are each other’s muse (soulmates, twin flames).

“Old Me” Moving through and past hard partying days, messing up but then working on what will make you a good partner

“Teeth” Lies giving butterflies, music video shows rainbows on Luke and shows Ash for lyric about seeing as "my wife". Theme of torment and working through each of their barriers/struggles. Ash posted an acoustic guitar version where the torment is clear. Later, when 5sos5 album is released, Ashton says it contains working through barriers.

“Wildflower” pop love song. Music video is rainbows galore including starting and ending with 5sos themselves as a rainbow. Ash tweet announcement includes rainbow. Ash is very proud of this song.

“Best Years” Luke professing his love, features The Edge guitar part. See my lyric analysis.

“Not In The Same Way” Luke looking at his mistakes from his and another perspectives (as per Luke), Ashton via ig livestream: “the concept’s beautiful. We love each other but not in the same way”. Luke: “chaotic relationship”, hurt each other “when you were just friends”. This wouldn’t match with being about Sierra since they were narratively shown together and narratively so quickly together as a couple. No time to be friends.

This song is a precursor to “COMPLETE MESS”.

“Lover of Mine” Luke and Ash devoted love song, having to deal with lies, “dance around the living room”, “when I look at my life and all of my crimes, you’re the only thing I think I got right” “kaleidoscope mind” 🌈 “seen the red, seen the blues”. This song describes a relationship that’s experienced a lot together.

“Lonely Heart” Ash pauses during his solo track by track IG live to take an emotional moment. Rainbow hearts lyric video. “Native of mine, you’re just my kind” (hello soulmates!!), dancing inside a burning house, being pulled apart from each other and hating the feeling of that, “I’ll always follow, I promise you, until the end of time” (refer back to Luke saying in interview he would "follow [Ash] to the end of the Earth"). When Michael suggests it’s Luke’s least fave song on CALM during a CapitalFM interview, Ash immediately says "I'm signing off". Michael has a pattern of razzing the guys like this.

Screenshot: Official audio video for "Lonely Heart". Rainbow hearts 🌈

“High” There’s an awkward back and forth when talking about this track during Ash London interview. The person is selfishly calling the other person to tell them they’ve changed. Double meaning: high as in smoking mj, or thinking well of this person. There’s a tone Luke and Ash are each speaking with. Luke sounding apologetic, Ash sounding perturbed.

Luke and Ashton release solo albums in between 5sos albums.

(2020) Ashton's album "Superbloom"

"Sunshine" Song includes lyrics... "Satellite dreams" feeling like he's alien. Doesn't fit in with humanity. Queer flagging. "Expensive perfumes, Ladies do not lose, Playin' but not on the team" and reference to living in a cage. Closeted queer flagging.

"Perfect lie" about having to tell lies with his partner, gender neutral. Closeted queer flagging. Album filled with torment despite publicly at the time being supposedly in a happy relationship with a female.

"I'm To Blame" He described this about getting high with someone. But then towards the end it takes a turn... "No I can't, Live a lie, You can't make me, Live a lie, Burning red, Letting go, Up in flames, All the same, I am too". This part is so heartbreaking to listen to. He's being told to live a certain way but he's not happy doing that. Closeted queer flagging. Years of manipulation subjected to him from Modest Management perhaps?

June 1, 2021 - Ashton posts a tweet during Pride month announcing it's not just Pride Month but Pride Life.

July 9 - Luke includes gay marriage reference in first single “Starting Line” music video.

There's so many references to opening up his eyes all throughout his album. Feeling fake and being sorry for how things are and how he handles himself throughout, asks for forgiveness.

"Starting Line" Processing his childhood and the band until now. Sets up all the topics covered throughout the album, as per Luke. Undertones of being LGBT. A friends parent, not in the fandom, heard this song and asked if he is gay. See my analysis of the music video/lyrics post. When Luke's album and single was released, Ashton was intensely supportive and commenting on his social media, posting ig stories. "Jumping into my dreams" comment by Ash on his ig post for the music video. Link to Ash supportive social media

"Place In Me" "You always liked this time of day, no words left to play on, how many chances does it take" This is such Ashton coded. Lyrics are so ingrained in his being, being considered as a lyricist is so important to him, but sometimes words are not enough without action to back them up. Remember how Ash is willing to give chances? It sounds to me like this is something Luke is hearing from Ash, about getting things right. This song is saying sorry and no matter how things are this person is a part of his being. Ashton posts ig story of this song "Now with my eyes wide open, it's heaven in your arms. I'm crying and it feels so good".

"Mum" The references to chandeliers and scared of not being accepted. Hoping his mum is along with him through it. "Love the fear of falling" "jump into my ocean" "can't you hear me?" "nothing hurts me now".

"Baby Blue" "I'm on my way to Wonderland, Take off my suit and wander in for a moment, Or stay for a lifetime" Heartbreakingly candid lines that are queer flagging of closeting. "I'm hiding in a living sleep". Closeting. "Living in the in between, And I'm never gonna last, never gonna last" Closeting. Well, you get the picture.

"Motion" Music video promote it about struggling with mental health as well as queer flagging and closeting. Trapped behind glass (same theme as Harry Styles video for "As It Was"). Rainbow of colors. Drinking a gallon of milk.

"Comedown" Last track on the album. Looking back on how he's not been accepting truths and instead avoiding them."Light up a darkness I was never meant to" Hinting that another person in his life brought on revelations. This song can be connected to COMPLETE MESS. Camelia Street is located in Australia in NSW area where the boys are from. He released this album with Sony Music, which is known for using personal lives/stunts to promote projects. Hence him creating the story of it connected with Sierra. "Seeing those colours creeping in, They give me something I can feel, As the seconds start to take bloom" Connected with mental health as well as self acceptance as lgbt.

Ashton posts an unboxing video to his IG story when he receives a vinyl of Luke's album.

(September 2022) 5SOS5 album

Luke and Ash continue to express being committed to one another by wearing matching black onyx rings, engagement/wedding bands. There was different matching rings during Youngblood era as well. The songwriting has increased in maturity, even more than ever before. Contemplative look back where they’ve come from (“Red Line”, for instance) and where they are today (“COMPLETE MESS”, for instance)

“Complete Mess” Luke and Ash complete each other, but at the same time can ruin each other. Luke said during an interview, the song is romantic. Music video was only the relationships between members of the band. Luke wore his black onyx ring (frames of him showing his hand used for Spotify canvas too). Song idea started with Luke “you make me complete”, then Ash put a 5sos “touch of misery”. Promo for the song is so full of Lashton, yet the Lierra “engagement” gets brought up throughout, never by Luke. (To me, it reminds me of how Zayn was throughout his engagement to Perrie Edwards.) Song also has a connection with a shirt Luke owns. Ash has the picture of it at the ready on his phone, should anyone ask.

“Easy For You To Say” Considering moving back to Aussie to get back to roots when settling down.

“HAZE” Chill vibe about being in love. Luke and Ash literally singing to one another for a verse about when the bullshit is getting to them, they’re able to be themselves with each other “feel human once again”.

“You Don’t Go To Parties” Ash’s perspective. Him being with everyone he knows but yet he’s still not engaging with them “clinging to my couch” besides getting high with friends since he’s not interested in finding anyone there. He can’t stop talking about the ”past 5 years running out my mouth” (matches up with the timeline of when they lived together 2017). Luke and Ash have been longtime party buddies. Could be about Ash’s sobriety, as well.

“Caramel” Navigating being together through how more complicated life has become (similar theme from “2011”). A love that’s seen and been through highs and lows “it’s been a while since you and I been where we started”, but not losing what they have together “I don’t want to let it fade away”. “True love” yet having to “play pretend”. But at the end of the day, it's still "love like a landslide, I kiss you goodnight". Both Luke and Ash each choose it as one of their faves on the album.

“Red Line” Melancholy Ashton reflecting on the time spent in London riding the train to songwriting sessions. Light vs dark. Falling out of love, he’d lose himself (feels like “Complete Mess” adjacent)

“Moodswings” has parallels with Luke’s song “Slip Away” (struggling to get out of your own way when things are going good, mental health).

“Flatline” The intensity of falling in love. Luke is shining (“COMPLETE MESS”). “Hard to fake”. Has a dark twist (Ash has spoken about enjoying doing that in his songwriting).

(Photo: The guys celebrating a successful album. Luke and Ash, Michael and Cal.)

(Gif: April 2023 Tecate Pa'l Norte music festival in Monterrey)

[elvenbeard]

I was at Phantom Liberty Tour Cologne and this is how it went!

Img: A screen showing Johnny Silverhand with tickets to the Phantom Liberty Tour Cologne and the title "Phantom Liberty Tour - 25. August 2023 Köln"

The following is 100% an expression of my personal views! I experienced the Phantom Liberty Tour event in Cologne as overall extremely positive, I had been very hyped about it in the weeks and days before, and CDPR did not disappoint me in any way shape or form with what they put together! For transparency, I didn’t have to pay for anything beyond my own travel costs and accommodation, everything else was included solely in my application for the event being accepted.

This post is intended as a way to give a glimpse into the experience to everyone who couldn’t go or whose application wasn’t accepted -and I just wanted to share my thoughts xD It was a very small and exclusive event with very limited tickets, and I still feel super priviliged to have been able to go there. I’m aiming to share my experience with everyone reading this now and give you at least a little peek behind the scenes of it all!

We didn’t have to sign any NDAs or such, we only weren’t allowed to take pics/videos or make audio recordings of the showcased gameplay!

If you’re also going to one of the upcoming events in your respective countries, maybe wait reading this until you’ve been there to not ruin any potential surprises! And also, if you don’t wanna be spoilered about anything Phantom Liberty as such, meaning, the actual game and story, but still wanna know about what the event was like: I will put a warning onto sections that contain spoilers for the gameplay, so you can skip those!

How me and my sibling even got invited in the first place

I only learned about this event more or less on accident when my sibling sent me a screenshot of an Instagram post about it XD So, big props to them for giving us both this chance! XD That was back in May, the post said “tell us why we should invite you to the PL tour in Cologne” in its sign-up form. I did, and then waited patiently to maybe hear back from them. Originally, after sending my submission, I received a reply saying that “if you’re invited, we (CDPR organizer team) will get back to you until August 4th “. In my submission I wrote something along the lines of that I’m relatively new to the game and fandom, but it quickly evolved into my new favourite video game and unlocked so much creativity for me, so that I’m making my own mods for it now, create art, and write. My sibling was a fan of the first hour, preordered the Collector’s Edition for PS4 back then, and now we can both simultaneously get hyped for Phantom Liberty. It would be an amazing opportunity if we could also attend this event together!

When I hadn’t heard back by then I accepted that I hadn’t been selected, was a bit sad, but it was alright. But then, a few days later while I was at work, I got an email with the headline “Hey Choomba” and I was like wtf? So, turns out, due to the insane amount of submissions they pushed back the notification day about a week. Around 1,500 people sent applications that the organizers all looked at individually, and only around 250 guests plus team members and special guests were actually present that night. I didn’t know about the delay in response, because I’m not active on social media beyond Tumblr… lemme tell you though, that was such a nice surprise, and I was super happy and would’ve been none the wiser had I not been picked xD

Due to the shorter timeframe though it was now a little harder to find a hotel still, as the PL Tour took place during Gamescom week. So, half of Gaming Europe was already in Cologne for that convention and hotels were scarce. On the one hand, it obviously made sense they put the date this weekend, so the devs already in Cologne anyway could swing by with ease. On the other hand, if you were, like me, definitely not from Cologne or the general area, a little more prep time ahead would’ve been nice.

Still though, my sibling and I still found a somewhat reasonable hotel and drove to Cologne in the early morning hours of August 25th!

Img: The door to the venue with a bright red "Phantom Liberty Tour" banner above the entrance

(cont. below the cut, long post with many pics, beware!)

The Venue, the Queue, the Delay, the Tickets

The sole information we had in advance was an address, to bring our ID cards as they’d make sure we are on the guest list and are 18+ years old. The event would start at 6pm and last until 12am. It said that "cosplays are very much appreciated" so I went in casual cosplay as Vince, because why the hell not XD But that was it in terms of what we knew about what was going to happen.

At around 5.20 p.m. we were at the location given to us via E-Mail. Parking was eh, but alright, we found a space close by, and as we drove past the venue, they were just in process of setting up their flag and banner. So yay, we’re in the right place! :D

Img: The black CDPR flag above the entrance :3

I was so fucking hyped, I couldn’t last in the car a second longer, so we just joined the queue and waited despite the occasional rain shower. We got talking a little bit with the people around us, there were some fellow modders, everyone was wearing some kind of merch, there were lots of fantastic cosplayers, too! Miles Tost, CDPR level design, was there and briefly talked to us all waiting patiently. Then we were informed that sadly there would be a little bit of a delay. I think at around 6.30 or so the queue finally started moving and at around 7 my sibling and I were inside the venue :D The reason of the delay is and was unclear, we learned later though that the guy responsible for the organization had set up something like this for the first time iirc, and therefore I’ll happily forgive the slight delay. Overall, the night was fantastic and I sure as hell couldn’t have done it better!

After checking our IDs, the lovely people by the entrance handed us our numbered tickets! One of the staff then asked us if we’d already played Phantom Liberty at Gamescom, which we hadn’t, so we also received one of those yellow plastic throwaway bracelets. Those who had already played it got a red one. The reasoning here was that they only had a small play area upstairs, so not everyone would be getting a chance to play the demo of the game, and people who hadn’t seen it yet would be preferred, to keep things fair. During the night some people with yellow bracelets would then be randomly approached by a member of the team and invited upstairs with a “mystery ticket”. I sadly didn’t get to play the game myself, neither my sibling, but we still got to see the gameplay anyway :3 We’ll get to that in a minute.

Img: Mine and my sibling's tickets, front and backside respectively; the bottom text on the backside says "be careful not to damage this section as you may still need it over the course of the night!", both tickets feature prominent circuit board and barcode designs

CDPR also invited us to free drinks with little tokens, and there was a broad selection of non-alcoholic and alcoholic beverages at a small bar! I would’ve loved for there to be something like a Johnny Silverhand or Jackie Welles to order, but I guess it wasn’t the Afterlife after all. Still though, free drinks, even if generic, pretty cool :D

Activities within the Venue

While we were queuing outside still, we’d also heard about various activities that had been offered at the Warsaw station of the tour, and those were different from what we could do in Cologne!

After receiving our tickets and everything we were free to explore the location for a bit, as the actual show wouldn’t start until 8pm (originally 7 pm but well… delays :D).

There was the main floor with a big, convention center style setup with rows of chairs and some bar tables. There was the huge screen, the bar, and a really cool netrunner chair for taking pictures that the cosplayers rightfully loved :D On the left side were also a small Xbox play area where you could test out some Xbox game pass games XD The event had tons of sponsors contributing something cool.

Img: The main area of the venue right before the show begins, an industrial-style interior with bright red and white lights, and many people looking at a big screen at the wall featuring Johnny and a welcome text in German and English respectively

Next door was a little secluded area for a podcast to be recorded later during the night, as well as a booth where visitors could record video messages for the devs (I missed my chance here and that’s what I regret most about not doing during that night ;A; but I think/hope a lot of others present seized the opportunity to send some love to Poland for this amazing game and team <3).

Img: A small square room with four high-end gaming PC stations sponsored by NVIDIA; the screens are currently showing the main menu screen of Cyberpunk 2077 - can I just take one of these home with me please?

Then there was the upstairs area with the gaming corner, as well as another little recording studio set up by an independent German filmmaker team who were documenting the development of Phantom Liberty! We could’ve also contributed to that, if we had wished to, but I preferred to stay behind the camera this time around xD Looking forward to watching the documentary though once it’s out!

Img: a Netrunner chair replica surrounded by screens and gadgets

There was also an outdoors courtyard area serving as a chillout zone with food (vegetarian options available) and a really cool live medieval folk band playing songs from the Witcher OST :D The various walls on the inside were decorated with photos showcasing German cosplayers and works of fan artists, and those of them who were there that night were allowed to take their photos home as a little extra special keepsake!

Community Love

The community love was so, so real and despite being comparatively new to the game and fandom still I felt super at home and comfortable and welcome. Kind of like, “I’m in the right place”, if that makes sense XD

Speaking of community… while we were still outside in the queue my sibling pointed out to me that there was a Kerry cosplayer in the line behind us, and lemme tell you, I was fucking hyped and made it my mission to greet them over the course of the evening xD I’ve been to a few smaller, less gaming-focused cons this year and there were few Cyberpunk cosplayers, no Kerry so far, so this was my chance!

Turns out, the Kerry in question was none other than fantastic @ophani (you can follow her on Instagram as well and check out what she’s working on atm!) who had been one of the first Cyberpunk people I’d ever followed on tumblr after becoming more involved in the fandom xD So yeah, the fanboy moment was even more real once I’d realized that. Also, there with her, amongst others, was @korribancosplay (also on Instagram!! Go check out his fantastic work <3) who actually recognized me first for being there looking sorta like Vince. He recognized that specific V with that hair and tattoos from my art xD I was like whaaaah! Honestly, that was my highlight of the night hands down in regards to meeting fellow fans :D Again, big shoutout to you two for the lovely conversation and everything, we’ll definitely stay in touch, and I hope I can venture over to NRW again in the future to meet up! xD

Img: Left, ophani as Kerry Eurodyne in his 2023 appearance <3, right, korribancosplay as Goro Takemura - I wish I'd brought a proper camera, blurry phone pics that I tried to somehow save through editing ftw :D

There were a lot of other amazing cosplayers, accompanying the two mentioned, and others as well that I didn’t all get to talk to but yeah… it was amazing seeing them all regardless and the love everyone poured into their costumes! Really got me hyped about getting back into cosplaying as well!

Let the Show Begin

But then it was finally 8pm and everyone gathered in the main showcase area.

None other than male V’s German VA Björn Schalla opened the show with a little speech (“I guess I don’t have to say who’s speaking right now”). That already sealed the deal for me in terms of “okay yeah, CDPR not playing games (figuratively), this is gonna be an amazing night if literal fucking Voice-of-V is here as a special guest”.

Then the German community managers joined for a little introduction and walkthrough of the schedule, as well as all the devs and CDPR team members present for the night came on stage to kick off the event officially with a big selfie. Shame on me for not really knowing who exactly everyone was, I’m too new and not as well versed in the who-is-who yet, but there were some very big names that people got super excited about so o.o

Img: Left, Björn Schalla aka German voice of male V, giving a little introduction speech reading out loud some randomly picked names from the guest list; right, the CDPR team and devs at the venue on stage together

Pretty much immediately afterwards, Miles Tost came back on stage, and we got to experience about an hour of gameplay of Phantom Liberty! If you don’t want spoilers for the expansion, skip the next section until the “Spoilers end here” line! I will try not to take too much away, but I want to give an honest and thorough review of what I’ve seen!

SPOILERS START HERE

The Game Showcase – Public Demo

The way this worked was, Miles stood on the front stage and narrated through the gameplay shown on the big screen, while the German community manager (iirc) Ryan played the game following a predetermined route I assume. He very strictly showed specific features, locations, and took a few very specific dialogue choices, always omitting the blue optional ones and just going with one of the generic yellow ones. The V in the demo was a male corpo, and Ryan never chose any of the plentily available Corpo dialogue options (and I’m very thankful for that, so we as players get to explore those ourselves somewhere further down the line :3).

Miles mentioned that the build shown to us was around three months old, and the first half hour of the game we saw revolved around Songbird guiding V through Dogtown prior to Myers’ plane crashing. They showed some minor NPCs running shops, the new Ripperdoc interface, and so on and so forth. I liked the new Ripperdoc animation but would’ve loved it to be even more expansive than it was in that build XD It was more a “sits down, selects cyberware to buy, then sits back up again after a short black screen, wiggles briefly then ventures forth” moment. Not comparable to the first scene with Viktor, when V gets their optics installed in the main game, but it still adds a little immersion!

V was also wearing very funky purple tights (the same level of tightness as a netrunner suit, but textured sort of like crocodile leather? I have a mighty need for them), and very sporty white sneakers that I also didn’t recognize from the main game. Everyone in the room very much loved his extravagant fashion sense XDD

So far so good, V walks through Dogtown a bit more and has some fun banter with Songbird who is not there physically, but also not quite on the phone… Then the president crashes into Dogtown kind of how it was shown in one of the trailers, and V has to go and save her, obviously, fighting Kurt Hansens forces! Up until this point of getting to and saving Myers from the wreckage was part of the publicly available demo that could also be tested at Gamescom and that I think was also showcased in recent dev streams.

The Game Showcase – Extended Demo

BUT THEN we got to a screen that said “extended demo unlocked” and got to experience some more, so far unseen content!

There was a bit of a time skip, V now traveling with President Myers and trying to get her to safety. Then we quickly got to a scene I had been kind of anxious about: V having to take an oath to become a special agent working for the NUSA. Thankfully though: you didn’t actually have to take the oath as shown in the trailer, and I was relieved, because being forced to do that that would’ve ended the expansion for my V then and there XD You still get to work for Myers though, and then V actually ventured out to find Solomon Reed! :O

We got to see quite a bit more of Dogtown, which is much bigger than I had assumed o.o Like, big buildings, proper streets, etc. etc. - not massive, but also not small! It seemed to sort of seamlessly blend into Pacifica, maybe… But in the showcase we didn’t venture far enough to the limits of the area to really be able to tell how exactly it is integrated into the world. Also, no visuals on the new Badlands areas or anything beyond this little story mission, but I think for a showcase like this that would’ve been too much! Mr. Hands called about a gig though that he maybe shouldn’t have, interrupting Miles' speech a little XD I don’t recall the exact details, but it sounded like a "SOS: Merc needed" type gig. I’m super excited about that, too, there's tons to do in this area!

They also showed the new phone interface, as well as the completely reworked skill trees, which is something @darcidarlin asked me about!

For the phone interface I’m so so thankful! It was so much bigger and organized, much easier to handle and read.

About the skill trees I’m super torn in a way… they’re different and simpler now, but sometimes simpler isn’t necessarily better imo. I’m used to my current build and skills, I like the attributes, and I don’t really see yet how my old playstyle is gonna translate into this new version. Basically, what they did (or at least how it seemed to me) was replace the attributes with "Skills". There is a "Relic" skill, an "Edgerunner" skill, and so forth, at least I saw nothing labelled "Cool", "Strength", "Tech" in the way I'm used to, but the glimpse we got was too short and superficial to really get a good idea of the new menu layout and contents.

The combat they showcased looked very fun, but it was all very centered around hands-on fighting, guns, swords, heavy cyberware. They showed very little stealth and no hacking/tech, and me being a predominantly stealth/hacking/tech player I was a bit “meh” and beginning to wonder if I’ll still have fun with what’s to come in the same way I do now. They kinda quickly flicked through the skill trees and I almost had the impression they completely remodelled Tech into a Cyberware skillset now, with armor fully tied to cyberware as well… I really don’t know XD Right now I can do a tech-heavy build without getting chromed up to my teeth, and I’d like to keep it that way… But I’m not sure if it’ll still work out like this in 2.0. Not much info on Cyberpsychosis either, only that again, with Tech perks, you can increase your threshold in terms of how much chrome V can stuff into their body before suffering an "overload". My low-on-chrome but otherwise tech-loving V is crying a little bit about this change XD

But yeah, this build was 3 months old. And my impression of the skills way waaaay to brief, so it's likely I'm getting upset about nothing XD Specifically for getting a closer look at combat and skills I would’ve needed to test the game out myself, so take everything about this with a big grain of salt!

Next up Ryan made a savegame and they showed the reworked police system a bit. Calling his vehicle in the middle of Dogtown was hilariously difficult, as it kept glitching and crashing into some parked cars the AI just didn’t seem to recognize, always ending up lying on its roof xD Miles joked “Oh no, some glitches just persist no matter what we do… but I bet your car can’t do this!”

Once Ryan had finally managed to get into his car though he started shooting. When you commit crimes in Dogtown, the NCPD will actually not come after your ass, but instead Kurt Hansen’s Barghest, which is neat! They are similarly equipped and will put up a bit of a fight for sure. There is now basically a 5-star system like I know it from GTA, and as soon as you reach 5, MaxTac will show up and whoop your ass. And man, they did not mess around XD MaxTac is not unbeatable, V put up quite the fight and managed to take down a couple of them, but in the end he got overwhelmed and taken down xD It did take a considerable amount of effort and destruction and killing though to even get to five stars, so much so that both Miles and Ryan were getting a bit desperate about it taking so long. So yeah, you really kinda have to put some actual effort into even getting MaxTac’s attention was my impression, and I do like that a lot to keep it balanced!

After this little demonstration of the police system, V went on to find Solomon Reed and damn, the first encounter with him is so fucking cool… I will not spoiler it here, because yeah. Wait and see! I really loved it, Spy-Thriller vibes over 9000, they definitely hit the mark on that XD

There is also so so so so much lovely new banter with Johnny. He was very present throughout this second part of the demo and had a lot to say on his past as a soldier, which I was really hoping for!! So, I’m definitely looking forward to seeing how deep it’s gonna get and even more so how it’s gonna end o.o

So much though to the gameplay I saw and my impression on it! There are more details I can share on request, so hmu via DM or ask if you wanna know more! There definitely were a lot of little choices in dialogues, and there seem to be a lot of choices that you can mess up that then have consequences, too :o High risk, high reward vibes, fitting for the high stakes this story seems to have.

One other random sidenote: the music is insanely beautiful o.o There was a new sort of action-packed background track for finding President Myers in Dogtown. And at the end of the demo there was another new song playing that was sort of… “dreamy, but in a dreadful way” sounding? A female vocalist, no actual lyrics, electronic music with similar vibes to the “V” main menu song, but quieter and calmer and sadder. My sibling found it annoying after a while XD But I really enjoyed it, and I kind feel like it could’ve been Songbird’s theme!

I got a question by @cheapcheapfaker about updated character models and animations that kinda fit into this section of the post! So… sadly I cannot answer it for sure because we only got to see the expansion characters and never ventured out of Dogtown (and I didn’t get to play the game myself to test out if it would’ve been possible to go and meet somebody else). What I can say is, I personally didn’t notice much of an update of Johnny’s appearance or facial animations at all actually. I know others did in regard to the same build of the game I got to see. There was no opportunity to ask, and a lot of questions that went sort of deeper into the territory of technical or story stuff, Miles wasn’t allowed to answer at that point. I think they played the game on the highest graphics settings, too, with path tracing on, which was also was something I’m not used to seeing with my rig. Johnny looked somewhat different to me actually, but not in an improved or updated way, more in a higher/different settings way.

What was confirmed during the Q&A though that followed on a different topic later (I made a post about it here already), was that they did go back and fix some voice lines in the main game that turned out weird in the German dub. And I read somewhere else before that “no system was untouched” for making Update 2.0, so maybe the other characters also received some minor updates and final polish. But nothing concrete sadly that was said or came up during my experience of the evening!

SPOILERS END HERE

Meet and Greet with German V

After the showcase of the game was over and some people had received mystery tickets to test Phantom Liberty on their own time, the crowd dispersed across the venue for a variety of activities. I tried to get into the “leave a message to the devs” booth, but it was occupied quite permanently, so I went back and then sat and waited for the Q&A, because that was super-duper down my alley, and I wouldn’t have wanted to miss it. In the podcast room next door some devs had come together to talk a bit more about the expansion as such, too, including Miles.

I had to gather all the fucking courage in my body, and I think being sorta sleep deprived and pumped full of adrenaline helped, but before the Q&A started, I went up to Björn to ask for an autograph and we very briefly talked. I got to tell him that I loved the way he played V so so much, lol XD I wasn’t very coherent, but he was very kind and funny, super chill guy!

Img: My ticket now signed "Für Elven, von 'V'" and Björn Schalla's autograph - need to get a fancy frame for it asap xD

I’m so glad that after the Q&A, of which you can find the detailed content in this separate post I made already, I went up again to get a pic done with him and Localization Director Mikolaj! :D So yes, this was definitely my personal highlight of the evening’s program, maybe even more so than seeing the new exclusive gameplay!

Img: Left, the Q&A with Björn and Mikolaj, right, Mikolaj and me and Björn XD

Raffle and Goodies

Towards the end of the night the live band that had been playing outside joined us in the main room (because, of course, the neighbors had complained about the noise… the peak Germany experience, the organizers got threatened with “we’re gonna call the cops if you continue playing music outside after 10 pm” x’D). But like this those of us who had been mostly inside watching the show at this point also got to experience the music a bit, which was very nice!

We were getting close to the end of the night already, and then people with goodie bags started walking in from all corners :O So I ventured forth once more to score one, but I think there definitely was enough for all, and at the end of this post I’m gonna show you what was inside :3

Img: Me holding my roughly letter-format sized Cyberpunk 2077 Phantom Liberty paper goodie bag :3

The last item on the agenda was called “Quiz and Raffle”, due to the delayed start of the night though they decided to skip the quiz, or rather, do a quick run of some of the questions they had prepared. It was all something like “What was the name of the character that X called to take over his shift?” or “What was the sign above the location V had to go to during X section of the gig?”, so nothing super hard. You just had to pay a little bit of attention during the game showcase. But yeah, the quiz was skipped and instead the raffle prizes were handed out a bit more freely and damn… there was a lot o.o Displate had gifted a super limited edition illuminated poster, as well as several of their tarot card metal posters. There were gaming keyboards, custom Cyberpunk themed PC cases, some leftovers from the Gear store, figurines, and so on and so forth. Some of the bigger prices were given out via random number generator, where our individual ticket numbers were important again, others were just handed out a bit more freely.

Ryan: “Damn, I have so many gaming mice left, what am I gonna do now…” Random Audience member: “Can I have one?” Ryan: “Sure! :D” *hands them a mouse*

Img: Ryan and Carolin of the German Community Management team at the end of the event with some closing words on stage

This part of the night was honestly just very lighthearted and funny, and I really felt entertained from start to finish XD There were no boring moments or situations where I was like “urgh, I wish we could just continue now” because even during the breaks I talked to people or was still recovering from a previous encounter or experience XD

The End of the Event

The event then ended pretty much on time a short while after midnight, some people had left a bit early to catch their trains, some lingered a little while longer. Lemme tell you, I didn’t wanna leave, I just wanted to move in and live with all these people forever in an amazing little Cyberpunk bubble. But I was also running on like 3 hours of sleep at that point, was extremely overwhelmed with so many positive experiences and impressions, and so we then left after taking some final snaps here and there and walking through the venue once more.

Img: The exit of the venue late at night with the Phantom Liberty Tour Banner now glowing

10/10 would go again, it was a blast, and I wouldn’t have minded for it to go on another six hours xD Not that I managed to sleep much anyway that night, because my brain was still going BRRR from all the impressions and conversations and encounters (still is to a degree right now, but I’m slowly getting calmer again xDD)

The Goodie Bag

Finally back at the hotel I got a proper look at the goodie bag!! All of this was also included in us just *being* there, like, whaaat...

Img: an overview of a variety of items featured in the goodie bag!

The goodies everyone got: a t-shirt with the Barghest logo in front and the Phantom Liberty Tour locations on the back. It was available in a lot of different sizes that you could ask for quite easily, and I hope there was one available for everyone and every body!

Img: A bright red, VERY WRINKLED t-shirt with a graffiti-style Barghest logo on its front in orange, and a white and orange print with the Phantom Liberty Tour locations on the back

The shirt is 100% cotton and made in Poland, but it smelled really really bad, coming out of a plastic bag XDD Not gonna put that on before it goes through the wash. But the quality seems very decent, and the color and print are really nice ;A; Could wear this casually under a shirt or zipper hoodie without anyone even being able to tell it’s gaming merch, and I love me a versatile piece like that!!

Then there was a Phantom Liberty themed sticker sheet with a nice rainbow holo effect :3 Some factions, some people and places, some more generic stickers. It’s very pretty and I think I might actually just frame it together with my signed ticket XD

Img: A holographic Phantom Liberty themed sticker sheet including faction and Night City logos amongst others

What I really really really loved though were these two Cologne-unique pieces: another sticker and a patch :O These seem to be 100% exclusives to the Cologne event, and I figure you can get something similar at the other events as well! Will treasure these like hell <3

Img: A blue and orange fabric patch and a holographic black and white sticker showing the same design: Phantom Tour Cologne below a stylized moth

And finally, everyone got a little mystery bag within their mystery bag, containing one of 6 keyboard cap thingies (don’t even know wtf they’re called but they’re cute XD). They were modelled after the various ingame factions, even including Barghest I believe! :O You can swap them out with any key on a mechanical gaming keyboard. I got Maelstrom, my sibling had the Mox :D So you could’ve definitely swapped with someone else for your fave faction, but I was actually quite pleased with Maelstrom :3

Img: Two small keyboard key replacer thingies... I don't know what to call them. One is red, featuring the head of a maelstromer on top, the other is blue, featuring the pink skull-head with bob haircut and bow of the Mox

So yes… that was my Phantom Liberty Tour experience! I apologize for the insanely long post, but I do hope you enjoyed reading it!

I tried to keep it somewhat concise and coherent and could definitely go more into detail about the gameplay elements we saw, the venue, the people there, and so on and so forth. So, don’t hesitate to hit me up with your questions :D And obviously, thanks so much for reading to the very end <3

[douglysium]

Episode 15 TMP Quick Thoughts

Housekeeping and Prologue

Hello, this is Douglysium and you might not know me as that guy who wrote over 100 pages of analysis on the Eye (which can be read on Tumblr here (https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/735599414228484097/the-relationships-between-the-dread-powers-the) or Google Docs here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss)) or as that guy who wrote an article on the Extinction (which can be read on Tumblr here(https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/717929126195003392/what-would-avatars-of-the-extinction-be-like-a) and Google Docs here(​What would Avatars of the Extinction be like?: A TMA Speculation)). Suffice to say I might be a bit of a TMA fan. Also, spoilers for TMP up until episode 10. You can read my ramblings on the last episode here (Episode 14 TMP Quick Thoughts).

However, Protocol offers a very unique opportunity and experience for me because I didn’t actually get into TMA until after it was over and I binged all of it. So this is my first time experiencing something even remotely similar to what the original TMA fans probably experienced when waiting for each episode week by week and slowly having to put everything together with the limited information they had. So I decided to throw my hat into the ring since this might be my only chance to do something similar. However, I’m working on some longer form TMA content so I can’t spend as much time on these articles giving a bunch of super detailed thoughts. I will try to keep these short and that inevitably might mean some could have questions about why I think or predict certain things and in those cases I would probably recommend you read at least some of the two articles I mentioned above to get a better idea of where I’m coming from. This also means I won’t be giving you a play-by-play of every single thing that happens in the episode so I encourage you to listen to or read them yourselves and feel free to comment if you feel something is important.

These reviews are probably going to end up focusing mostly on the Entities and their manifestations as they are what I have thought about the most and spent the most time interpreting and there’s been a lot of… interesting theories floating around about how the Entities are manifesting that I want to go over.

Finally, I’m just going to say it right now, spoiler warning for all of The Magnus Archives. I know that Jon and co said one could start with Protocol and be fine, and while that’s probably true, media like this tends to be made in conversation with or take into consideration what came before it in the irl chronology in order to connect them. While I’m sure you could skip The Magnus Archives, I don't really see the point of skipping over it when we are already getting characters from TMA showing up in TMP in Protocol. So to me it’s pretty clear that if we want to understand the full picture of TMP and all the things it is trying to say then we can’t just try to pretend TMA doesn’t exist or scrub it away. Just because you could understand what’s happening without the context in broad strokes doesn’t mean you're getting all the nuances.

These articles are meant to be quick and short so sorry if there’s typos and if I don’t address every possible question or possibility. I don’t want to repeat myself too much in this series outside of the prologue so be sure to skim some of my other articles.

Episode 15 “Well Run”

So the transcripts have an error. While the document title matches the name of the episode on the youtube channel, etc. the transcripts themselves say Episode 15 “Good Show.”

Weird, but probably just an error. Either this was the episode's original name, and it was changed, or some other episode was originally in the slot for the 15th entry (stuff can move around a lot in development). Anyway let’s dive in.

We start the episode from the perspective of a CCTV in the breakroom at night. Sam asks Celia on a second date by showing off some theater tickets he bought for “The Pillowman.” Celia laughs, much to Sam’s confusion, and sarcastically says it’s a “very romantic choice.” Sam says he doesn’t know a lot about the story but Celia does decide to go anyway “If only to see your face.” I haven’t seen Pillowman but according to the Wikipedia summary “It tells the tale of Katurian, a fiction writer living in a police state, who is interrogated about the gruesome content of his short stories and their similarities to a number of bizarre child murders occurring in his town.” So Celia’s reaction is understandable and it goes to show that Sam should have asked around a bit more. It’ll be an odd date for sure, but I’m very curious to see their reactions considering that Sam and Celia’s job right now is literally to sit around listening to scary stories. Although, they know Pillowman isn’t real so it might not be that big of a deal.

Alice enters the room, seemingly to Sam’s dismay or exasperation considering the sighing, and offers them a chance to come to the performance of her younger brother’s band. Sam wonders if it’s Dredgerman but Alice corrects him by saying “Don’t be daft, they’re taking a break before their tour! No, it’s “Penny for the Well” actually” and Sam wonders how many bands Luke is in (so Luke is part of multiple bands at the same time). Sam asking about Dredgerman is actually a bit of foreshadowing for the person Alice encounters later. The person in question keeps speaking of the deep water and drowning, similar to some of the stuff Gordon was saying in a previous episode, and a dredger is “a barge or other vessel designed for dredging harbors or other bodies of water”, to dredge is to “clean out the bed of (a harbor, river, or other area of water) by scooping out mud, weeds, and rubbish with a dredge.” / “an apparatus for bringing up objects or mud from a river or seabed by scooping or dragging.” and a dredgeman (no R here) is “one who is in charge of the operation of a dredge used to mine metal-bearing sands from the bottom of a body of water.” So there’s a lot of specific water imagery going on here. “Penny for the Well” also arguably ties into this theme since a well is “a shaft sunk into the ground to obtain water, oil, or gas.” Pennies are often thrown into wells and fountains for the sake of wishes and stuff but there are also stories of people falling into wells. So you could argue there’s still a theme of drowning or deep water being laid here too.

Alice says “Let’s just say that this revolutionary indie ensemble, which may or may not also include my incredibly talented younger brother, is playing The Gladstone Arms at ten thirty tomorrow evening and you are both on the guest list. You’re welcome.” but Celia says she has to go take care of Jack (the babysitter can’t stay late enough for her to go to the performance) and the revelation that Celia has a human baby seems to catch Alice off guard. Considering Alice’s reaction to Celia last episode, it’s interesting that she invited both Alice and Sam to the event and doesn’t seem to say Sam shouldn’t go on his date with Celia (just that they can swing by afterwards). It’s possible she wants to keep an eye on them or doesn’t want to piss off Sam but it’s interesting that Alice is actually taken aback by Celia’s baby. Maybe Alice herself isn’t really a baby person. It’s possible she’s just surprised Sam is dating someone with a baby or she just genuinely didn’t realize and is surprised / awkward. Sam comments “(standing) And you say I’m clueless.” 

In case you’re wondering what a gladstone is: “a suitcase with flexible sides on a rigid frame that opens flat into two equal compartments. called also gladstone bag.” Gladstone also seems to be a person: “William Ewart Gladstone FRS FSS (/ˈɡlædstən/ GLAD-stən; 29 December 1809 – 19 May 1898) was a British statesman and Liberal politician. In a career lasting over 60 years, he served for 12 years as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, spread over four non-consecutive terms (the most of any British prime minister) beginning in 1868 and ending in 1894. He also served as Chancellor of the Exchequer four times, for over 12 years.” I also saw some, potentially questionable, sources saying that a gladstone can refer to a Prime Minister who’s served four years but maybe take that with a grain of salt coming from me. Since Protocol does seem to have a big emphasis on the government it wouldn’t surprise me if using the name of a politician is somehow going to end up being some sort of reference or foreshadowing for later.

At this point we are privy to 3 of the bands Luke has played for: Bullets for Saint Sebastian, Penny for the Well, and Dredgerman

We move to the statement of the episode. It’s in the form of a voicemail being delivered by someone to “The Sentinel tip-off hotline.” The bot on the other end says:

“If you are calling with information that you believe merits investigation for the public interest, please leave a message with as much detail as possible along with your name and number. 

If you wish to remain anonymous, please instead leave a three word code at the start of your message that we can use to identify future calls or correspondence from you. 

This voicemail is monitored by dedicated staff that are obliged to report serious crimes to local law enforcement if there is risk of imminent harm to anyone. Please speak after the tone. To end the recording, simply hang up. ”

The person giving the statement of this case is referred to as the “Caterer” in the transcripts and they are clearly in a rush since they say they can’t go to the police and start telling the story without leaving in sort of three word code or identity for future calls. The Caterer even says that they don’t know how much time they have left.

They begin to explain that they work as a caterer at a business they own. They tend to handle really high-end private functions: “We get called in for the really high-end stuff. The kind of event where the guest list is so rich that you’ve never even heard of them. There’s a big difference between “extravagance” and “elegance.” We sell the latter.” However, the Caterer’s company isn’t very big. In fact, it only has 6 permanent staff if you include the Caterer themselves (so there were 5 other permanent staff the Caterer worked with). Of course, the company did “...hire in fixed-term waiting staff and other contractors but even so…” But it becomes clear that something bad happened to the other permanent employees. For the sake of clarity, a caterer is “a person or company providing food and drink at a social event or other gathering.”

The Caterer’s company “...got the call a couple of months ago for a fairly small event at Wychwood Hall in the Cotswold’s. Apparently, they had a family shoot and wanted us to prepare the game. Normally that would be pheasant or partridge and we’d just swap it for stuff we prepared off-site since no one could ever tell the difference, but they were really explicit about it being larger game and wanting to know who’s kill they were eating. That meant a lot more prep time and equipment but they insisted and at this level you don’t get to tell the client no, just how much extra it will cost.” So immediately, we have some themes reminiscent of an Entity like The Hunt but it’s still pretty early on in the statement and Entities can overlap all the time so let’s keep reading.

The company “...set up the cooking gazebo during the early afternoon in the rear gardens on the butler’s instruction. The house itself was a massive sprawling Elizabethan thing with pristine flowerbeds and prim lawns that ran right up to the surrounding woodland. It wasn’t usual to be given center stage like that but I figured the client fancied themself a foodie and wanted to see the prep. Thankfully we brought the flashy gear, just in case. Normally you’d expect the shoot to have already been well underway by the time we arrived but people were only just arriving in their tinted Range Rovers and Rolls.” The Caterer notes that normally, the shoot / hunt would already be happening but by the time the Caterer’s crew arrived everyone else was just arriving. It would make sense that normally the shoot would already be taking place since the Caterer is just supposed to cook whatever is caught and it doesn’t make a lot of sense to have them just waiting around while you try to kill the game animal. However, this is actually foreshadowing since we later learn that the Caterer and their crew are what’s supposed to be hunted. The Caterer even mentions “Another hour passed with a couple more cars trickling in, but still no one had set out. Instead, I could see them through the leaded windows, just watching us work ” So the people are watching their prey (the caterers).

Eventually, the Caterer had the house staff fetch the butler to let him know “that unless he knew something I didn’t there was going to be a distinct lack of venison for tonight’s venison medallions. He just gave me this look, told me to “prepare” and then headed back inside. Obviously that pissed me right off but what can you do? They’d paid for the day so we just hunkered down and looked busy.” It’s possible that what the butler is saying has a double meaning. They shouldn’t just be preparing food but the caterers themselves should prepare to fight each other and be hunted. This is alluded to later when “the matriarch” asks the Caterer if they are prepared.

Speaking of which, the sun begins to set and all the hunters and dogs begin to come out of their vehicles. In front of them is someone the Caterer describes as a “matriarch.” “I don’t know how else to describe her. This big, imposing, like some Roman statue brought to life and given a gun. I kept thinking of my army days cooking for the top brass. She had the same eyes, like they didn’t see people any more just “assets” and “resistance.” And if that wasn’t enough, she had this huge custom rifle over her shoulder, like an antique elephant gun or something. There was no way it was UK legal, the thing looked like it could take out a jeep, never mind a stag! And it wasn’t gilded or anything, it was dull and plain looking despite its massive size and you just knew that this was a gun for killing with, not showing off.” I think it’s interesting that the Caterer has some sort of military background. There’s an obvious commentary about the military complex but often when the Entities show up they do so to specific people or at specific times that are advantageous. This is to say that the Entities often have thematic reasons for why or who they are manifesting around at a specific time and I don’t think the fact that a person with military trauma was picked is purely coincidental.

The Caterer says that the matriarch reeked with power and “...when she spoke they all listened. She had the guns all line up facing us with their dogs at heel and then they all just stood there watching the sun set as their staff and security all headed back into the house leaving us alone with them. That was when I knew something was really wrong. The woman stepped forward with her dogs by her side and faced me with this bright and wide smile splitting her face under her electric blue eyes and gunmetal-grey hair. Then she just locked eyes with me and began to carefully load the rifle without looking, punctuating each word with another cartridge. “Are you prepared?” she asked quietly.” This calls back to what I was just saying about the butler. I think what the butler was saying had a double meaning or was vague enough to be misinterpreted as referring purely to the food being prepared.

 The Caterer answers with ““As we can be” I replied. “but-“” and then the woman silences them by raising a hand to their mouth. “it was as though she had slapped a gag in my mouth. I couldn’t even think of disobeying her, the words just died in my throat.” She returns to her group of hunters with her dogs flanking her and they are unable to make out the faces of any of the other people due to the dazzling light of the sunset. Then she stood tall and proud and said with just the tiniest hint of anticipation: “Let’s begin then shall we?” As one, the hunters raised their rifles as one and levelled them at us as we stood transfixed under our gazebo. Theres a very specific feeling you get when you’re staring down a barrel at close range. First the world gets very sharp and bright, then the horizon sort of shrinks around you till it’s no wider than the dark hole aiming straight at you. It had been a long time since I’d felt like that, but it was still so familiar. Too familiar. The woman hadn’t raised her own weapon, instead she called as though directing a firing squad: “Hunt.”” The caterers don’t immediately understand what’s happening so the simply sit in still silence until the Caterer realizes that the matriarch is talking to them and not her hunters. “After seconds that felt like hours the woman seemed to grow impatient. Finally, she sighed and repeated: “Hunt” before shouldering her rifle, sighting and then pulling the trigger without hesitation.”

One of the other caterers, Steven, falls to the ground dead (having been shot). “Without lowering the rifle, she chambered another round and re-sighted, this time at me. She smiled greedily then pumped her eyebrows just once, playfully. “Hunt!”” This time the Caterer understands what she wants: “Without taking my eyes from her I reached out and gently closed my hand around the handle of the clever in front of me. It shone, pristine and unblemished, ready for its bloody work. Then slowly, so slowly, I raised it overhead, bracing myself for what followed. The woman grinned widely, her finger caressing the trigger, then I brought my hand down sharply, smashing the cleaver into the face of Marcus, our Saucier. He couldn’t even cry out as it cleft deep into the base of his neck, his arterial blood gushing out and down into the overly-hot pot, releasing a plume of acrid iron smelling steam.” The other caterers run as the Caterer pulls the knife from Marcus and turns to them.

“The party ate well that night. All told, it didn't take long, maybe a half hour at most? None of them got far. I caught Debra as she tried to hide up in a tree. Fair play to her, almost made it up there despite being in her fifties. Mira tripped over a rabbit hole in the darkness, I think she tried to beg, but I couldn’t make out the words. The only one who gave me any real trouble was Boris. He was a big guy, nearly six five, and that’s a hell of a size difference, even with my training. But it wasn’t enough. I had killed before, and he hadn’t. He hesitated, and that was that.” As the Caterer packs up the woman shakes their hand and compliments them “Then the butler handed me a thick brown envelope. It was full of cash and a note written in elegant cursive with just one word:  “Run”.” They ran and say that they cannot stay anywhere for long, they can’t stop moving. “I keep hearing dogs barking and I don't know if it's just some pet or… I thought about handing myself in to the police, but that just feels like trapping myself in a dead end.”

The Caterer explains that they resolve to leave the country but as they explain their plan-

The car window shatters inwards from a sudden loud gunshot. The CATERER is wetly silenced. 

Someone approaches, reloading an enormous rifle with growling dogs in tow. 

They stop then yank open the car door. 

LADY MOWBRAY 

“Well run dearie. Well run…” 

The line goes dead.

If we view this through the lens of Smirke’s 14 (plus the Extinction) the most obvious Entity here would be The Hunt. This case shares many similarities with plenty of The Hunt’s manifestations in TMA. For example, being hunted by colleagues or people you know in a death game type set up (such as in MAG 112 (Thrill of the Chase) with the Murder Club and the domain Trevor was stuck in with all the metaphorical witch hunts and people constantly turning on each other. Mowbray’s dogs are probably some sort of hunting dog and the Caterer is being chased / hunted by Mowbray herself like an animal on top of hearing the barking of dogs. Daisy from TMA has also been compared to a sort of metaphorical dog. Which makes sense if you consider the overlap between police and hunting dogs meant to pursue targets. Plus, in MAG 31 (First Hunt) we get “As I looked at him, the strangest thing popped into my head. Have you ever read The Duchess of Malfi? I had to study it for my O-Levels, many years ago. Dreadful play, as I remember, the worst sort of old revenge tragedy, all incest and murder and madness. But there’s a line that stays with me, a doctor diagnosing the Duchess’ brother with lycanthropy. As I recall it goes, “Once met the duke, ‘bout midnight in a lane behind St. Mark’s church, with the leg of a man upon his shoulder. Said he was a wolf. Only difference was, a wolf’s skin is hairy on the outside, his on the inside”. Looking at this thing that wanted to kill me, it’s the only way it’s the only description that feels right.” and Jon refers to the strange hunter in the statement as a “wolfman.” So The Hunt is not stranger to canines and it tends to lean towards more animalistic imagery.

The case also has some themes that parallel The Slaughter (with the violence and military background), The Web (the Caterer feeling physically unable to disobey Mowbray’s command. Although, this could just be due to the fear and massive guns), The Eye (with the fear of being found or someone knowing where you are), The Dark (with the hunt taking place at night and one of the caterers tripping over a hole in the darkness), The Flesh (with all the food imagery and the caterers are in the place of a game animal (which is meant to be caught and cooked)), and The End (with the fear of being killed).

Some people might wonder why I usually bother going through some of the other possible Entities or parallels like this (especially since if we are to assume Smirke’s 14 is still at all applicable this is the most Hunt hunts to ever Hunt. For one, it’s supposed to be a reminder that the Entities aren’t completely distinct and exist on a vague spectrum at best. All the Entities constantly bleed and overlap each other so trying to perfectly and neatly box them tends to be unhelpful and it’s very rare that only one emotional fear is present. I also do this to help try to keep my mind open. Like I said, Entities bleed into each other all the time and this can sometimes make it hard to pick apart (if at all). Sometimes I get so pigeonholed into the possibility of a single specific Entity I kind of lose sight of other possibilities or Entities. For example, while I think this case screams the Hunt there is a very good argument for something like The Slaughter here. Assuming Smirke’s 14 are even still relevant anyway.

As the line dies Celia is clearly disturbed and we hear Lady Mowbray herself say “Fascinating.” Yeah, she’s in the office now with her dogs and it was very trippy listening to this for the first time. Celia is startled by her appearance. Once again, I have to wonder if Mowbray was quiet or if the cases sort of draw people in. In TMA the statements could have strange effects, for example some characters would find it difficult to stop reading statements once they started and may sort of space out. The statements are also noted as being stressful or taxing for some people to read / listen to. However, this could also just as easily be because Celia was listening to a horrifying first hand account.

CELIA jumps up with a cry and turns to find Lady Mowbray and her dogs 

standing right behind her. The dogs growl threateningly. 

LADY MOWBRAY CONT. 

“Sit.”

CELIA 

“Excuse me?” 

LADY MOWBRAY 

“I was talking to the boys.”

The dogs sit. They are not fur babies, they are what turns up when 

someone says “release the hounds”. (Yes this is actually in the official transcripts you can go check)

The transcripts also say “MOWBRAY sniffs her as though she were a particularly odd vintage.” and it describes Mowbray as stalking while she asks Celia for her name. So Mowbray is acting like a dog or animal sizing up some prey and comparing Celia to a vintage suggests that Mowbray sees her in the same way one might see a fine wine. Something to be savored and consumed. I think it’s interesting that Celia actually refuses to give Mowbray her name by simply saying “I didn’t.” upon being asked “What did you say your name was dear?” This isn’t the first time names have seemed important. In episode 10 (Saturday Night), as Gwen delivers the letter to Mr. Bonzo, Nigel says “Mr Bonzo meet… I didn’t actually get your name. Probably for the best.” and “The name, the address – tell him where to go.” This implies that names might have some sort of importance when it comes to how Externals find or pick their targets. The OIAR is also connected to the government so it may also have to do with the government being able to pull up a file or something using someone’s name.

Celia is definitely holding it together pretty well and Mowbray remarks on her high levels of bravery. As I went over in episode 7 “Give and Take” (TMP Quick Thoughts 7) Celia is heavily implied to have some connection to the TMA universe and know a suspicious amount about the Entities. She even shares the name of a character that shows up in TMA, specifically a member of Melanie and Georgie’s cult. With this in mind, Mowbray’s commentary on Celia’s bravery is interesting. Firstly, Mowbray’s dogs get aggressive when Celia was startled by Mowbray. It could be that they are just getting excited but if Mowbray and / or her dogs are some sort of Avatar or connected to a Power it could be that both her and her dogs are reacting to, and looking for, fear. Since Celia knows this she could be hiding or dampening her fear as a form of protection. The more fear someone has or shows the more tempting they are for the Entities to torment. Lena even says “But he didn’t, which means you’ve passed the first part of your probation. Congratulations. Did you scream?” and “You should. It really helps one cope with the more affronting aspects of the job. And they usually like it.” 

Not showing fear isn’t guaranteed to keep you safe but in TMA a character named Fiona Law managed to survive many encounters due to her propensity to pass out. As detailed in MAG 167 (Curiosity): “Of course, retreat is not always possible in such a line of business, and when that proved to be the case, there was a single trait which Fiona possessed that saw her surviving encounters which had killed far braver souls than her: Because when she was pushed to the very limits of her terror, Fiona Law would faint. And while there are those things in the dark that would kill you as you slept, most get no real delight from it, unless you are awake enough to know what is happening. And so, through cowardice and unconsciousness, Fiona had survived an entire generation of Archivist. And even stranger, when Angus Stacey died and she had the chance to walk away, she decided to remain.” So while a lack of fear isn’t guaranteed to protect you it does help. Also, both names and outward displays of fear seem important in Protocol.

Gwen comes in to collect Mowbray and as she leaves she tells Celia “Catch you next time, dearie.” to which Celia says “No, you won’t.” Celia probably knows that Mowbray may be being a bit more literal when she promises to catch someone later. Gwen offers her refreshments but Mowbray declines, explaining that she ate recently. There’s kind of an implication that Mowbray ate one or more of the caterers, and probably the one that was giving this episode’s case. Mowbray also says “That’s me yes. I presume you’re Gwendolyn Bouchard?” when Gwen asks for her. It could simply be that Mowbray was told who Gwen was beforehand but I wonder if the other Externals have been told about Gwen, especially since, based on the comment I brought up from Lena earlier, they seem to enjoy scaring people like the Externals Liaisons.

Mowbray also asks “Bouchard… You wouldn’t be of the Cheshire Bouchard’s would you?” but the scene ends before we hear Gwen’s full response. Considering the implication from Lena that Gwen’s family has a ton of money (so much so that Gwen blackmailing her for money seems silly) and Mowbray is clearly very rich I wonder if Mowbray has had an encounter or connection with the Bouchard family. As for who Cheshire is, I have no idea. I wouldn’t be surprised if they turn out to be yet another person in TMA with too much money and time on their hands though.

As the scene closes the transcripts say “CELIA exhales shakily before turning back to the computer.” implying that she was suppressing her fear or at least not showing them. Mowbray said “interesting” when Celia finished listening to the case and I have to wonder what Mowbray was referring to. Was she referring to the computer itself, the information in the case she’s in, or even Celia herself? Additionally, she’s probably one of the OIAR’s externals. In the case she’s wielding a large gun that’s described as “this huge custom rifle over her shoulder, like an antique elephant gun or something. There was no way it was UK legal, the thing looked like it could take out a jeep, never mind a stag!” It’s possible she just owns this gun illegally but I wonder if the OIAR or some other faction supplied her with the gun. 

I also have to wonder how many of the externals get their victims assigned to them by the OIAR and if so how many? Is it all of their victims or just some of them? The possibility of a target being in this episode is interesting since Bonzo’s target also seemed like they were wealthy or had a decent amount of money at the expensive club in episode 12 (Getting Off). Wealth and money seem like another noticeable theme in Protocol so far.

We cut to Alice at the performance of “Penny for the Well” as it comes to a close. She talks with Luke and it turns out that while Luke’s music was supposed to be a chill side gig it’s been really picking up. Luke also says “You joke but the managers already added seven more cities to the Dredgerman tour.” Alice also mentions Glastonbury and a quick google search tells me that it’s just a really big festival with all kinds of stuff (like music performances). So when Alices says “Hello? Yes? Is that Glastonbury? Why yes, we DO have a minute…” she is joking about Luke being invited to a massive event. Luke asks about Sam and Alice says he couldn’t make it. Luke says “Shame he couldn’t make it tonight” and Luke and Alice continue to hang out and drink. I think it’s interesting that Luke and Sam seem to have a possible friendship or acquaintance.

We then cut to a tape recorder again and get “A tape recorder CLICKS, distantly a body shuffles in an alley off the main road.” The body is of some sort of victim talking and muttering. They keep talking about things like how they are trying to breathe and how they are being dragged below the line of sea and sky. So it sounds like they are talking about drowning and they are also having trouble breathing as they gasp for air. Alice is heading home, and the transcripts state that she is still buzzing from the show (she’s slightly intoxicated). Alice runs into this seemingly drowning woman and the victim grabs her in some sort of panic or desperation leading to a small altercation as Alice throws the victim off. Alice begins to panic and call 999 for an ambulance as the victim appears to choke and gasp for air.

As Alice explains the situation she mentions “Yeah there’s someone I don’t know if they’ve OD’d but they’re going into a fit or something.” The victim then seemingly dies, or at least stops breathing, but the transcripts clarify that she dies from an impossible amount of water coming out of her lungs, and Alice starts performing CPR. As she panics the transcripts say “She sees the tape recorder next to the body and picks it up.” This implies that the tape recorder was on the strange drowning woman and it could be an Entity such as The Web trying to get the tape recorder where it needs to go or even give it to Alice. It could even have to do with the ERROR that escaped the Institute’s ruins in episode 10 (Saturday Night) since that situation was also being recorded via tape recorder. Maybe ERROR even saw it and picked it up at some point. However, as “The victim starts to speak again, quietly, bubbling up through the water and out of dead lips.” Alice panics, drops the tape recorder, and flees the scene, leaving what the transcripts describe as a dead woman behind as the deceased person’s voice trails off and the episode ends.

It’s kind of hard to understand what the victim is saying the entire time so here’s the transcripts of the entire speech awkwardly stitched together: “- the second time is up I try to grasp the air and fill my lungs that burn and rattle full. I can’t, there’s so much air but none inside as I go down again the cold surrounds and drags me down, the blue the black the weight of all the sodden fates awaiting me below the line of sea and sky. I kick, I lunge I flail towards the brightened blue and break above the third and final time. I know I'm spent there is no more within me save the salt spun death that reaches down my throat and spasms in my chest that cannot breathe inside me i'm done the water is... is... dark Deeper… Deeper… Down among the dead and swollen flesh so pale within this lightless place where eyes are open cloudy white and all the water pushes down upon a lifeless form that sinks and sinks down to the bottom that is not there no sandy grave below the swell no rest among the coral and the depths I feared so much but reached up and over land to claim me still.”

The force this victim is talking about is probably the same force that Gordon was talking about in episode 11 (Marked). I’ll refer to this Entity as “The Deep” like many other fans for now. In Episode 11 Gordon says, among other things, “I saw them hanging around the office when I was waiting. Waiting so long just to see it, just to know what’s in the water. And they took it. They think they’re smart, but I saw them I know where they’re staying and if they think they deserve it they’re wrong. It belongs to the deep. I’m going to go get it and I’m going to find it and if they try and stop me I swear the ocean will claim us all. I can taste the salt and spray. It’s waiting in the water.” So there’s a lot of the same imagery here, plus the earlier mentioned parallels with Dredgerman’s name.

Some people are arguing that The Deep is a completely new Entity of some sort but I would argue that what we have seen of The Deep fits in line pretty comfortably with The Buried. The Buried also has a strong association with water in the form of deep water, drowning, and suffocation (which seems to be happening to this woman). Gordon angrily says that the body Ink5 obtains belongs to the deep (which sounds similar to The Buried’s connection to burying bodies or making sure they aren’t dug up). In fact, some of The Buried’s many other names is “Choke”, “Too Close I Cannot Breathe” and “Forever Deep Below.” Forever Deep Below is especially an interesting name since the woman mutters “...the blue the black the weight of all the sodden fates awaiting me below the line of sea and sky…” So something deep below the horizon of the sea and sky. All the names I mentioned fit pretty well with what the woman seems to be affected by, she is literally choking and struggling to breathe as water fills her lungs. Even something like “The Deep” sounds like it could be right at home as one of The Buried’s names. The Buried ultimately revolves around the fear of not having enough space, whether that be from literally being stuck in a small space, metaphorically lacking wiggleroom, or not having enough space in something like your lungs to breathe. So being trapped deep underwater or underground first with The Buried as a motif. It’s also important to remember that the Entities are no stranger to having multiple names or titles. For example, there is The Eye and The Beholding but these both refer to the same Entity. I would actually be a little surprised if all the characters referred to the Entities with the exact same set of names even if Smirke’s 14 does end up being still in use by the OIAR or other people.

Some people might argue The Vast because it also has an association with the deep ocean, and Simon even tries to use this association for a ritual, but it’s important to remember that Entities can overlap in both fear and manifestation and it’s not always what they manifest as but why. When The Vast manifests as the ocean or bodies of water it usually does so to capture the fear in regards to the immense size of such bodies but when The Buried does this it usually has to do with suffocation and drowning (like what we see now). Obviously, these can overlap since something large can easily smother or crush you but hopefully you get my point, and remember even often opposing Entities are connected and bleed into each other.

Conclusion

Previously I hoped that the next external Gwen got to see would be someone who can talk and give some actual questions / answers and it looks like I could be getting my wish depending on how this goes. Although, whether Mowbray is an external is still technically up in the air and maybe she’s just been brought on but I think it’s safe to assume that her being an external is likely. I wonder if she knows anything if at all.

I’m also beginning to wonder if ERROR is somehow connected to the tapes and what it’s plan / goal is. Alice expressed fear of travelling alone previously ever since leaving the Institute’s ruins but despite seemingly being alone before and after running into the woman there is no sign of ERROR appearing to attack or anything.

If you want the categorization of the case the transcripts list it with- 

CAT1RB-6451-22062023-22032024 

Hunt (aristocratic) -/- compulsion 

Incident Elements: 

- Graphic Violence/Murder 

- Futility 

- Being Hunted 

- Classism 

- Dehumanisation 

- Hostile work environment 

- drowning 

- Mentions of: blades, guns, military service 

- SFX: Gunfire, loud music, suffocation

Archive for my other thoughts: TMP Quick Thoughts Archive

[linklethehistorian]

Linkle’s Fazbear Frights & Lore Insights #2: To Be Beautiful

[Read the general disclaimer and important notes for this series of articles here.]

[View the Masterlist of all completed articles here.]

Some To Be Beautiful specific notes:

I will be discussing the graphic novel version of this story to a limited degree, which as per ‘Frights Fiction’, would be a graphic novel in the in-universe canon, based on the book by the same title, just as it is in our world. If you don’t want spoilers, stop here.

I will also be discussing, to an even more limited degree, the Silver Eyes trilogy, but the things I will be talking about are major spoilers, so this is also your spoiler warning for that.

I will be briefly talking about one of the mini-games in the game version of Into the Pit which revolves around To Be Beautiful, and in general, discussions about the book version and my thoughts on it in my previous article are quite likely to come up during one particular part of my lore relevancy section, so if you want to completely avoid Into the Pit spoilers, maybe hold off on this one for now.

Apart from where I feel it relevant, I won’t be doing a deep-dive into the changes between the book and the graphic novel, since they are both fictional media within the FNAF universe, and thus the retcons and changes mostly have no value in the discussion of the lore or canon. If someone else wants to scream about how they got so much wrong because they feel the book was done dirty or something, I absolutely encourage you to go write your own article! But this isn’t about that.

My takes on William as a father, in regards to the games, may ruffle more than a few feathers of people who still insist on holding onto some of the old fanon stuff/do not believe in Frights Fiction. I will be briefly discussing why, but seriously if you don’t like it and won’t go into it with an open mind, please just don’t read it; I’m not really in the mental state to go through a thousand comments trying to convince me of a notion that I simply don’t personally feel has any logical evidence behind it.

Now with that out of the way, let’s get below the cut and get talking! This is your last spoiler warning for all forms of To Be Beautiful, so if you want to turn back, do so now.

Has everyone who wanted to leave yet left? Yeah? Good. Okay, let’s get going, then.

Overall Impressions

The Book:

I know that in my last post regarding Into the Pit, I said that some of the writing style choices made definitely weren’t for me, and that’s still true, but honestly, as I’m listening to this story a third time to make sure I haven’t missed anything I want to cover (and have read several other stories in between doing so), I have to admit I’ve gotten very used to the formatting by now, and it really isn’t as much of a pet peeve as it used to be — which is undoubtedly good, since I have a good many more volumes to go through in order to catch up to date in covering them all.

As for To Be Beautiful’s plot, as much as it pains me to say this, I honestly like this one a little bit better than Into The Pit, and I’m not even completely sure I can put into words why, except perhaps that, while I was very glad Into the Pit did have its surprisingly happy ending with both Oswald and his Dad’s survival, the original book version also felt very anticlimactic in terms of anything actually happening after the initial glimpse of the Yellow Thing’s murders, all the way up until the abrupt point where Oswald’s Dad was immediately pulled out of the pit as soon as Oswald arrived back at Jeff’s Pizza, and the Yellow Thing attacked and was hanged.

With To Be Beautiful, the slow buildup of suspense and horror, to me, is much more compelling and ultimately pays off much better when Sarah’s decisions have finally their tragic and irrevocable consequences. I think that if Into the Pit had had that same kind of buildup or at least a longer and more suspenseful struggle at the end before the payoff, I might have actually preferred that one more, as the backdrop of that one is much more up my usual alley, but it didn’t, and so To Be Beautiful has to rank higher on the list.

I do find it odd that, even with how strong the seemingly implied message is that you shouldn’t waste time trying to appeal to people who will only like you if you meet superficial criteria, Mason Blair is strangely given a complete pass for never noticing Sarah until she was hotter, as the story never gives any indication of him being shallow in any way after that initial bit of shallowness and presents him as a good and wonderful person through and through in all other scenes that we see him (unlike the Beautifuls), but I suppose maybe that isn’t a flaw in the writing so much as a realistic acknowledgement that sometimes people who are good overall can just make bad judgements and be a bit petty — I just wanted to mention it nonetheless.

That observation aside, the characters seem to suit the roles they are meant to fulfill well enough; they’re definitely far from my favorite characters in the FNAF series as a whole, but they’re serviceable enough, and I’m sure there are many people in the world who can empathize with Sarah’s struggles with loving or even liking her body.

The Graphic Novel:

Well, first of all, I will say right out the gate that between this and the book, I definitely by far prefer the original book; for as much credit as I tried to give this adaption of the story whilst reading it, I really couldn’t see more than a single upside to viewing this version of the story instead of the book, and that single upside — the ability to see a possible glimpse at what the characters looked like — did not in any way make up for all that was lost in translation enough to warrant viewing it as a viable alternative, or even all that much worth seeing as a supplemental piece to the book, since it contradicts it so much and lacks such an incredible amount of the punch that its source material had.

To name just a few of the changes I caught onto while reading it:

The characterization of Abby, Sarah’s best friend, is slightly different here, as while during the conversation of what Abby used to do to her Barbies when she and Sarah used to play with them felt slightly more like a testament to Abby’s unique fashion sense and tastes in the book, in the graphic novel, Sarah outright states that Abby tortured her Barbies instead of describing the unconventional ways she styled them that didn’t adhere to normal beauty standards. Maybe it’s just me, but that felt like a swing and a miss, when we consider the overall implied message of the story.

Several events were skipped, like Sarah’s ice cream date with Mason, completely re-ordered or just completely altered, like Eleanor waking up immediately by accident when Sarah first takes her home and looks at her, Sarah not tipping her hand that she knew who Mason Blair was when he introduced himself to her, or just being honest with the Beautifuls about what her Mom does and getting disapproving looks.

Perhaps the worst change of all, though, in my opinion, was the change at the very end of the story where, as Sarah is falling apart into a pile of junk, instead of just the narration of her regretful thought, she laments openly that “Abby was right”, and Eleanor turns to her and agrees, “Abby was right about a lot of things”; to me, this unanimous commentary happening between both characters is far too on-the-nose about the ultimate moral of the story, and that lack of subtlety in a story that is already quite clear enough about its message without needing to have both its main characters say it aloud is actually rather detrimental to its overall integrity and enjoyability.

A good story should not have to slap you in the face with its message completely verbatim in order to be able to get that message across; the story should not feel like it stops and makes every character on-screen break the fourth wall to stare you in the face and tell you directly and heavy-handedly what you are supposed to take away from it, and that is what this version of the ending feels like: an open bout of preaching — and, whether they agree with the message wholeheartedly or not, almost no one particularly likes being bluntly preached to by a piece of fiction.

And, on top of all of that, the fact of the matter is that the one upside this medium had wasn’t even really taken advantage of in the way that it should have been:

Despite all the muss and fuss about how ugly and obnoxious of a green Sarah’s hair was when she dyed it, it doesn’t even really look that way except for in the panel(s) at the hair salon — mostly looking a very pale and hardly noticeable slightly greenish yellow in the majority of panels after her escapade.

Sarah’s chest, for all her complaints of it being completely flat, doesn’t really come across so in the artwork of her before her transformation into being more shapely, and instead just makes it look like she wanted it bigger than it already was rather than wanting it just noticeable at all.

The colors and designs of many things, too, seem quite different than how they are described in the novel, with the most noticeable example being that the necklace Eleanor gives Sarah is now gold instead of silver, and that, for whatever strange reason, Eleanor’s eyes don’t seem to be green at all and rather mostly look a plain empty grey until the fifth day, instead of starting out as such as they did in the book.

All in all, although the artwork itself is certainly serviceable and cute enough, there are just a lot of strange choices I don’t really appreciate being made here, and losing Sarah’s inner monologue, when the book is practically written from her point of view (albeit in third person), is such a detriment in combination with all of these things that it really wasn’t worth the trade-off.

Lore Relevancy

Well, having long since read the entire book, I quite expect this to be the longest entry I have in this particular volume of Fazbear Frights, so let’s not waste any time mincing words and just jump straight into it, shall we?

The Lies and Half-truths

As always, before we can get into what the book is trying to say, we should start by trying to rule out what it definitely or at least almost certainly isn’t; now, unlike Into the Pit, which was so closely tied to the actual main game series’ canon that we could easily rule out what could or couldn’t be true, To Be Beautiful, unfortunately, does not have any overt one-to-one tie to any canon mainline game continuity events, so this process is naturally going to be a little bit harder and take a lot more guesswork, but still, I do feel that we can make at least a few fairly educated assessments.

Firstly, unlike with Into the Pit, the game version of which gives me pause to consider that Oswald and his Dad might to some extent actually be based on real people that exist within the FNAF universe, even if what happened to them was entirely or mostly made-up — what with the Freddy Mask implying Oswald’s Dad might be “Freddy Bully”, one of Michael’s childhood friends — I am fairly confident, at least at the time of writing this, that Sarah and everyone within her story do not actually exist beyond potentially being a metaphor and/or stand-in for someone else already well-established within the main games’ canon (more on this later).

My reasoning for this is mostly that, well, not only is it unlikely and way overcomplicating things to say that every single character in every Fazbear Frights story must have a separate counterpart in the real world of FNAF, even when they don’t seem to have anything particularly hinting at it, but also…I simply don’t believe that Eleanor truly exists, either, and I know that may be a hot take for some but, hey, there it is.

At the time of writing this — and granted, that could change at some point in the future, since I know she’s going to return several times — I believe that Eleanor is nothing more than a) a stand-in for Circus Baby/Scrap Baby/post-death Elizabeth in general, b) a convenient method by which to further explore the concept of the Power of Wills and Wishes™️ (there is a better name for this in the future, but this is just my placeholder name for it until we get to talking about Fetch), and c) the main antagonist this in-universe fictional series focuses on instead of William/Springtrap (+ variants).

Now, did the method by which Eleanor kills Sarah actually claim someone’s life somewhere in the mainline canon? Does her seeming “magic” actually exist in some form? …Well, sort of, yes; it’s a half-truth, really, with enough details changed to distance itself from the actual happenings while still being able to use some of the most horrific and mystifying parts about them — exactly as you’d expect from a company trying to discredit and make light of real-world events.

But, seeing as those very things tie so heavily into the things I want to discuss regarding what I think the book is trying to say, we’ll get to the nitty-gritty of that later in the next section.

For now, I think we’ve covered everything that can be covered here, so let’s move on.

The Truths and the Likely-Truths

So…from now on, though obviously this section will continue to be where I discuss all things that I think were borrowed in-universe from the real life events of the main canon and/or which could have some relevance there, I will be more properly splitting this up into two sub-sections: The things that I know are true — which are themes and topics that I feel, without doubt, are definitely and most obviously what the story was created to establish and/or bring up relating to the lore, from an out-of-universe perspective — and then the things that I think are true, which are what I personally believe the book could be trying to establish and probably believe with a fairly high level of confidence, but which may not be as obvious at a first glance and do have more leeway for other interpretations.

It should be noted, however — and this is probably something I will retroactively add to the “Disclaimer and Important Notes” page, as I feel it’s quite important to all of the books — that, as Scott has confirmed in a decently recent interview with Dawko that he just writes down the basic plot of his stories and all the important points he wants to cover and then lets the other author flesh it out more fully, we have no way of knowing outside of the main plot exactly what details were his ideas and which aren’t; therefore, there’s a good chance that a few or even multiple of the things I bring up are just massive coincidence and have no meaning whatsoever in reality. Nevertheless, I do think there’s value in discussing it, but that fact is also why I will often try to provide far more than just one detail to back up most of my more elaborate interpretations and ideas — because we can’t be sure that any one single tiny detail within the books has value, unless of course it’s something Scott has specifically said is important.

Now! With that in mind, let’s take a look at what we can glean from this tale.

The things I KNOW are True

So, approaching this from the angle that, according to Frights Fiction, every Fazbear Frights story must contain some measure of truth hidden within the lies — some event Fazbear Entertainment is attempting to discredit (or further discredit, if it’s something that’s come up before) and monetize — what do I believe are the things To Be Beautiful is definitely riffing off of?

Well, there are four things here I am absolutely sure of:

1: Eleanor is absolutely derived from and supposed to be the Fazbear Frights version of Circus Baby — but more specifically and very importantly, she is Circus Baby after killing and being possessed by Elizabeth.

How do I know this? Well, there are a number of indicators throughout the book which tell us this:

It is stated very clearly in the book that Eleanor has green eyes — the color we know to be Elizabeth’s eye color, which Baby absorbed after killing and being possessed by her, according to Sister Location — not Circus Baby’s original blue.

In general, appearance wise, Eleanor looks very much like the version of Baby we see in The Silver Eyes trilogy, and said Baby was also possessed by Elizabeth and had the same duality in thoughts and nature that Circus Baby did during the main events of Sister Location, rather than being just an AI.

Her name is Eleanor — a name that is not only strikingly more human than Circus Baby, but also begins with the same two letters as Elizabeth.

She is stated in the books to have “a young girl’s voice”; now, what precisely this means, I suppose, is up for interpretation, but usually, if you refer to someone as a “young girl”, it means they are a child. In other words, she sounds younger than she looks; she sounds like a child. If I had to guess, she most probably sounds like Elizabeth — like Ennard sounds in the secret ending on Night Five, after Baby’s AI has been removed and all that remains of Baby is Elizabeth. Now, we could say that she has Circus Baby’s voice, as that could also be considered one of a young girl, but I feel the intentional draw to the fact that her voice sounds like a young girl, when Eleanor is described to be more of a proper woman, has to be an intentional dissonance, and using it just to say “oh, she sounds like Circus Baby” seems a bit pointless and redundant when it is already so clear that she is a stand-in for Circus Baby and practically no one is going to try to dispute this. In my eyes, this was done to draw attention to the fact that she is more than just an A.I. She is, just like in The Silver Eyes, both a girl and an AI who wants to obtain a more perfect and human-like body to inhabit. Something real.

The reason why I feel that this distinction is important is several-fold, and we’ll get to some of the reasons later, but for now let’s focus on the most important one, which is:

2: The events that happen in To Be Beautiful because of Eleanor are largely (with only a few caveats) meant to mirror and appear drawn from Sister Location.

Feeling skeptical? Here’s some evidence to back it up:

Throughout a vast majority of the story, ever since their initial meeting, Eleanor is largely portrayed as a kind and caring individual who longs to be good and only wants to help Sarah and keep her safe; this is a point that is brought up many, many times throughout the book — sometimes from Sarah, and sometimes even from Eleanor, herself. (To give one choice line from the book among the many examples: “Somehow, Eleanor being there made Sarah feel safe, as if Eleanor were standing guard.”) This is also true in Sister Location, as Circus Baby takes the role of protector and guide for Michael throughout many nights, keeping him safe and ensuring that nothing can hurt him, to the point where Michael (in the true, regular ending) steadily grows to trust her nearly completely and put his life in her hands, as Sarah does the same with Eleanor.

However, just like in Sister Location for Michael regarding Circus Baby, there are brief moments here and there as time progresses where Sarah gets the slightest hint of something just being “off” about the situation, or even times when Eleanor does something outright creepy, like leaning over and staring at Sarah while she sleeps, but she gives an innocent explanation for it, and Sarah, while upset, still seems to shrug it off in the end and forgive, excusing it by some means and telling herself it’s nothing to worry about (AKA just like when Circus Baby kidnaps Michael after Funtime Foxy attacks him, and stuffs him inside a Springlock Suit, claiming she did it to save him, but at the same time demanding he be quiet until the workers leave the room and wait until morning to be rescued), shortly before she inevitably seals her own fate the next day.

Eleanor really only awakens at night (“mostly nocturnal”, as the book puts it) in most cases, putting an emphasis on Sarah’s visits with her always happening at these times, much like with the night segments in Sister Location being the time that Michael interacts with Baby, and it also being the usual time that the animatronics go into free-roaming mode, and seem to start actively “coming to life” in their supernatural way in the mainline games’ canon, in general.

Sarah and Eleanor ended up meeting when Sarah found her in an old scrap yard and took pity on her condition, deciding to save her and fix her up. Michael met Baby because he had gone to Circus Baby’s Entertainment and Rental specifically to find Elizabeth and fix her, saving and freeing her from the AI that allegedly controlled her and made her do bad things, and “putting her back together.”

Eleanor’s ‘helping’ of Sarah — or rather, slowly working towards taking her entire body and getting Sarah to willingly, though albeit unknowingly, help her do it — takes place over the course of four nights, with the fifth day being the time that the transformation is finally complete; this much probably doesn’t even need saying, but this is a direct parallel to the four nights of Baby helping Michael along the way and ensuring his body would be preserved until he finally came around again on the fifth, when Baby and her fellow animatronics’ preparations were finally complete.

Both Eleanor’s and Circus Baby’s ultimate goal in helping the person they’ve met and keeping them safe for a period of time was for the explicit purpose of stealing their body and identity to use as a disguise and escape where they were being kept, so they could freely roam the world and go where they pleased.

There is actually a lot of clear symbolism and parallels for Ennard inhabiting and at times even controlling Michael’s body post-scoop, especially during the scene where Sarah loses her necklace and begins to lose her seemingly soft and human outside appearance to transform into a literal mass of tangled parts that she was underneath, detailing how people around her slowly went from expressing joy or amusement to absolute horror and fear, describing her struggling to walk down the street to her house and considering what people must think seeing her, describing the odd feeling and sound when the necklace first fell off, the clanking and clunking inside her, the slow horrific realization of what had happened, how she struggled to move and her body no longer was under her control, and lastly, how, “She was falling apart. Collapsing into a hideous trash heap. She didn’t resemble a human of any kind.” (Quite similarly to how Michael was falling apart in spite of the remnant in his body trying to repair him and barely resembled a human by the time Ennard finally left him.)

A little detail, maybe, but as Sarah is searching for Eleanor, she eventually begins to lose control over her ability to speak well, and calls out to her as “Ena”…which is quite similar in sound to Ennard.

These are definitely much smaller things by comparison, but I also feel that both Sarah notably staring into the mirror a lot and the mention of her eating spaghetti dinner at one point in the story are also meant to be small little symbols and metaphors for Sister Location, as Michael notably is seen staring into his mirror at the end of Sister Location, and Sarah consuming spaghetti — whose noodles are like Ennard’s many long tangled wires he is comprised of, and whose traditionally red marinara sauce resembles blood — could be seen as a metaphor for Ennard entering into Michael through his stomach after he is scooped.

Not only that, but there are also a few things in the story that only make sense if you think about them from the perspective of it being a fictional story in-universe that is meant to be borrowing a lot of events from and using symbolism for Sister Location; for example, and perhaps most notably, an ‘issue’ which GiBi’s Horror Homestead brought up in his video analysis of To Be Beautiful: the fact that instead of having Eleanor directly wear Sarah’s old body parts, she instead transforms her appearance using some sort of technology (more on this in a moment), and Sarah winds up finding the body parts just uselessly lying in bags which fall onto the floor.

It may seem counterintuitive, at first, to have Eleanor not wear the body parts when Ennard quite literally wore Michael’s body as a skinsuit, but I actually feel that this was very intentional; having Eleanor not do this not only allowed for the body parts — arms, legs, noses, and torsos — to be splayed out on the floor in front of Sarah when the sickening realization hits her, reminiscent of all the body parts of the animatronics in the Scooping Room when Michael arrives there, but it also leaves room for the book to specifically mention her entrails and organs slopping out onto the floor as well — giving the image of what would have happened to Michael when the scooper finally got him.

We could also say that Eleanor singing was meant to be reminiscent of Ballora, though I’m not quite as certain of that much, just a thought I wanted to put forward as, otherwise, I admit, I’m unclear on the purpose of it existing — unless, of course, it has some sort of hypnotizing and/or calming effect that basically worked as the anesthetic before Sarah’s surgery, and we’re for some reason supposed to draw absurd parallels between the Puppet being soothed by the music box and this in order to come to that conclusion, but I highly doubt that for a multitude of reasons.

3: Sarah’s necklace and Eleanor’s matching button are, without doubt, meant to be another play on and reminder of illusion disc technology, making this the second time within this book that it’s brought up.

Now, why Sarah’s body fails when her necklace falls off, even though there is no such mechanic involved in illusion discs, is another matter entirely, and while yes, we could easily say that perhaps the necklace was also connected to her new body in some way and kept the parts “running” (acting like a key to an engine), I also honestly really don’t think that it matters one way or another — not if we believe in Frights Fiction, at least.

Occam’s Razor dictates that the simplest answer is usually the most correct one, and saying that things in the books don’t entirely follow or fit the logic of FNAF’s known main canon because they’re sensationalized fiction and that the shock and horror elements of the story (and the ability to use, alter, and discredit various real world events) are always going to come before any real world logic is definitely the simplest answer here.

Sure, we can come up with complex potential explanations like this on why something is the way it is in these stories when it doesn’t make sense, but why waste that time and effort when we know that they’re fictional to begin with, and doing so might lead to missing the actual in-universe reason why the in-universe creators of Fazbear Frights would want to include certain story elements?

4: And lastly, once again, we circle back to the (at least as much as I’ve read thus far) ever-ongoing theme of the Power of Wills and Wishes™️ — the constant and seemingly very emphasized implication that within the FNAF universe, the mind/spirit is a very powerful thing that can — to at least some degree — control, cause, and/or contribute to the shape of reality and what happens within it.

Now, as I believe I said earlier in this post, I do want to hold off on discussing this on a grander scale until I reach the article where I talk about Fetch, but I will say that this theme is even stronger and more front and center in To Be Beautiful than it was in Into the Pit, with this time not only Sarah longing to be the conventional standard of beautiful and then ultimately getting her wish, but also getting to do so through Eleanor, who explicitly talks about and promises wish-granting.

Again, just something to bear in mind for the future for now, but it absolutely needed mentioning.

—

So, we have a whole list of things that I invariably believe are key parts of the book from an in-universe perspective, but what out of all of this, if anything, do I think that, out-of-universe, was undeniably something Scott would have wanted to communicate with this book?

Well, maybe this is a bit of a boring answer, but to be honest with you, unlike with Into the Pit, where I would have at least said that I think getting the year of the MCI — 1985 — out there was definitely a goal in the book, and that the game version also added a most likely game-canon design for Henry and William and a heavily implied connection between Oswald’s Dad and Freddy Bully, I don’t think that there’s actually any one thing that To Be Beautiful exists specifically to fully, uniquely, and unquestionably establish — at least not that isn’t mentioned elsewhere in other stories to some degree as well.

Rather, I think that To Be Beautiful — both in terms of the things that I think are utterly undeniable, and the things in the next section that I just believe in very strongly and think are backed quite well by various evidence, but aren’t as easily confirmed — just exists to further expand and place further emphasis upon certain points that have already been, and will continue to be, brought up in other Fazbear Frights books.

And in the case of the things that I feel are utterly undeniable, those points that I think emphasis is being placed on are illusion disc technology, and the very intriguing concept that is genuine willpower within the FNAF universe.

“But why the illusion discs?” I can hear some of you asking even now, “I know you said the other thing comes up again, and you have a theory on that to share later, but what’s so important about these?”

Well, like I said in my Into the Pit article, I think that Scott wants to remind people that technology like this is a thing in the FNAF universes, and that we shouldn’t rule it out of existing in the main canon, too — and not just because of FNAF 4, either; we’ve actually seen something akin to illusion disc technology not just hinted at, but actually shown to us in the main universe already, within Ruin, when we’re not using the Vanny mask. There are many things that Cassie can see and feel right in front of her so realistically that she is utterly convinced she can’t pass through until she wears the mask to take the illusion away, or removes it by some other source, like finding and removing ‘anomalies’ on the camera in a certain order (AKA using a hidden passcode to deactivate the illusion).

I’m not sure just yet how important this technology is going to become, but I do wholeheartedly believe that even if you are still utterly intent on just believing that FNAF 4 was a bunch of nightmares and nothing more, illusion discs are nevertheless clearly an integral part of the series either way, and a relevant thing that is intentionally being discussed and going to continue to be important to understanding how certain things in the mainline FNAF universe work.

The things I FEEL are True

…Well, putting all of that absolute certainty and undeniable truth behind us, let’s now wade a bit deeper into the pool of analysis, well-backed theories, and plausible personal interpretations, and finally ask the burning question:

What do I think To Be Beautiful could be trying to say about the main lore and/or its characters, on a deeper level?

Well, to start with, one thing is for sure: it’s certainly carrying on this entire book’s clear but unstated secondary theme of its main characters feeling unlovable, unwanted, utterly invisible in any possible positive context, and like life is meaningless in its current state.

But…why is it like that? It’s not as if this is the running theme which is mentioned on the back of the volume itself — with said theme being identified as the fulfillment of wishes and their unfortunate consequences — and yet, it is still undeniably there.

Oswald feels like his Dad doesn’t really care about him, feels invisible to him, and is generally unhappy and bored with the way his monotonous, unpleasant life is in their dying town. Sarah, as we’ll further discuss soon, hates her own body and feels ugly, undesirable, and utterly invisible because of it, thinking that there’s no happiness to be found in life unless she fundamentally changes herself to be more in line with what’s considered conventionally pretty. And lastly, Millie — well, Millie’s plight we’ll get around to later, when we discuss Count the Ways, but trust me when I say that she is absolutely not the exception to this rule, and if anything, is actually even more extreme than the others in a lot of ways.

I know some people might say that it probably just lined up that way because the characters being unhappy was the necessary motivator for them to even have wishes in the first place, but that isn’t necessarily true; yes, they would need to be unhappy in some way with their current life, but that discontent didn’t have to stem from those precise, very specific troubles.

As a matter of fact, Oswald’s wish itself — the one that was “granted” to him through his discovery of the ballpit — had absolutely nothing in particular to do with his struggle of feeling ignored and not cared about; rather, it stemmed mostly just from the fact that he was feeling bored, and while yes, that boredom was technically because of these issues, he could very easily have just been bored without meeting any of the criteria here, so it seems very intentional that he was nevertheless written so that he did meet them — just as it does with every other main character in the book.

The fact that they all met every single one of these points has to mean something, it’s just a matter of what…and, honestly, if you’ve read my previous article, then I think you probably already know where I’m going with this.

But, for now, let’s reel it back in and just focus on Sarah’s story and who I think she and her struggles represent individually, since I think it’s easier to build a case up for something like this if you first take it one step at a time.

I’m sure you’re well aware where I stand on it, but I’ll go ahead and say it plainly anyway: I think that the character of Sarah is a stand-in for Michael, potentially in more ways than just as far as it relates to fulfilling his role in the story’s intentional bastardization of Sister Location.

Yes, I realize that there are probably plenty of people who are going to disagree with me on this, and I can understand why; at a cursory glance, Sarah and Michael don’t really seem very alike beyond what happened to them, and, if anything, I’m sure Elizabeth is probably the first canon character to come to mind when people see a story involving a girl and Circus Baby-like robot — especially one she looks up to and views as extraordinarily beautiful and perfect.

Combine that with the fact that a great many people borrow from the explicitly alternate universe Silver Eyes trilogy in their headcanons for how William was to her as a father (as well as other, equally dubious sources of information), and I’m sure that a fair number would be quite convinced that the Afton girl just meets every criteria on the board necessary to be an obvious parallel to Sarah and all of her troubles and concerns.

…She’s really not, though — not in hardly any sense of the word.

Let’s review the smaller bits of evidence that could be used to support this theory, and see how they hold up to scrutiny:

1: “Sarah is explicitly mentioned to have an older brother in college who is majoring in computer science and might know about [the concept of something like Eleanor] — a clear reference to Elizabeth having an older brother, Michael.” …Not…really. Sure, Sarah and Elizabeth both have older brothers, and with Sarah being 14 and college having the potential to accept students well into their 20s or even older, you could really stretch it to say that they have a similar age gap, but there’s honestly no proof of this whatsoever; talking in terms of statistics and probabilities, the gap they have is much more likely to be closer to what Elizabeth would’ve had with Garret than what she had with Michael.

As for the brother’s profession, this…actually has no connection to Michael whatsoever; yes, he’s familiar with the animatronics, but that’s because his father makes them for a living, and later on — long after Elizabeth’s death, I might add — he works around and perpetually deals with them as a night security guard at Freddy’s, too.

A lot of people have brothers. A lot of people in this franchise have people who in some way know something about technology or animatronics; this is not a smoking gun in any way, shape, or form. The details just don’t match up enough to make for a compelling piece of evidence. They don’t even mention a name.

2: “The story makes mention of frozen yogurt/ice cream a few times, and has Sarah eat it; this is meant to be a reference to Circus Baby, and the fact that a vanilla ice cream cone was what she used to lure Elizabeth to her death. That makes Sarah Elizabeth.” This is an even bigger reach than the mention of Sarah having a brother.

Yes, ice cream/frozen yogurt is mentioned in the book a few times, very passingly, but the purpose of its mention is less about the treat itself and more a means by which to discuss the fact that the Beautifuls seem to be able to eat whatever they want without gaining an ounce, and Sarah feels like she can’t (as well as potential symbolism for the fact that the Beautifuls are cold and self-indulgent). At no point is Sarah mentioning how much she loves ice cream — and she does talk at decent length about foods she is actually partial to, like pizza — or even picking a flavor that would have a hint of significance towards that tragic canon event, explicitly choosing swirl over the option for vanilla. At no point is the ice cream relevant to the plot, or in any form connected to her death at the end of the book, which it absolutely should be if this was truly meant to be a parallel between those events.

The graphic novel does feel like it puts a little bit more emphasis on the inclusion of the food, but this is ironically only because it does a poor job at explaining the reason it was brought up in its source material in the first place, and it entirely skips over Sarah having a date at an ice cream shop, too — oddly making it stand out even more, simply because it feels like an almost pointless inclusion, whereas in the book it makes perfect sense. It’s not a deliberate choice, it’s just another meaningless point of contention that says nothing other than that the graphic novel is really bad at conveying, even with the help of visuals, what the book easily conveys with just words alone.

3: “Sarah wants to have blonde hair; Elizabeth is (strawberry) blonde.” Yes, correct…but an emphasis should be placed on wants; Sarah is not blonde, nor does she become blonde even when all her wishes are otherwise granted. Sarah is a brunette. If Scott wanted to make Sarah a parallel to Elizabeth, having her share her hair color — or at least succeed in obtaining her hair color later, when her wishes were granted — would have been an easy way to help nudge readers in the direction of viewing her as a metaphor for Elizabeth despite a great scarcity of other solid evidence, but he deliberately chose instead to give her the brown hair and blue eyes of Elizabeth’s brother Michael, instead of the near instantly recognizable (strawberry) blonde and green eyes of the one some allege that he meant to portray.

Yes, in the To Be Beautiful-inspired mini-game of the Into the Pit video game adaption, Eleanor does make Sarah blonde, but this was clearly done because if it wasn’t, it would be unrecognizable in an 8-bit artstyle that Eleanor had changed her head much at all. I don’t particularly like the change exactly because I feel it muddies the waters in this way and has the potential for causing confusion, but I do understand why it was done, and it wasn’t because Scott wanted to retcon how Sarah looked; it was because it was the only simple way to convey the change in that part of her appearance — the same as changing her clothes was one of the easiest ways to convey a lot of the change in her body.

4: “Sarah likes soft pink, as evidenced by her nails and lipstick post-transformation; Elizabeth’s room in FNAF 4 was decorated all in pink.” …Well, for one thing, we don’t know for sure that that room belonged to Elizabeth; I certainly agree that it is Elizabeth’s room, I 100% believe that that is the intended interpretation, but it should be said that it’s not actually been confirmed, and there are people out there who choose to believe it’s Michael’s.

For reasons that should be obvious if you know my semi-controversial stance on FNAF 4, I pretty strongly disagree with the interpretation that that room is Michael’s, unless we’re assuming a change of houses (and decor tastes) happened by the time the night sections of FNAF 4 rolled around, but it is an interpretation that exists, and so it does bear mentioning.

Even if it is Elizabeth’s room, though — and again, I agree that it is — a girl liking pink isn’t really some groundbreaking thing, given that at this current point in time, that is the well-known stereotype (and many girls do, in fact, like pink, though it has little to do with gender). Saying, “this girl likes pink, so she must be this other girl who likes pink” is just….not really the best argument I’ve seen, if we’re being honest — especially when one of the main plot points of the story is that Sarah wants to adhere to the conventional beauty standards for her gender.

—

Well, even if we don’t have any of that, we at least still have the fact that Elizabeth clearly felt pretty much everything Sarah did about herself, right? In the Silver Eyes trilogy, Elizabeth was constantly neglected by her Dad in favor of his inventions — with that universe’s equivalent of Circus Baby being his main focus at the time when she was alive — longing to be loved and wanted like Baby was, to be perfect like Baby was, and even after dying and possessing Baby, neither she nor Baby were ever happy or content with themselves because he immediately moved on to just trying to use her to get something better, leaving her to feel like she wasn’t enough and grow jealous of the current object of his interest. That’s a perfect fit for the secondary theme I keep mentioning in this volume, and not a bad comparison to Sarah by any means, isn’t it?

I mean, yeah, it’s not too far off the mark, but…we’re not talking about The Silver Eyes’ Elizabeth here; there would be no point in Sarah being a parallel for an alternate universe version of Elizabeth, just to tell us what we already know about her — and despite fairly popular opinion, the Elizabeth from the main games’ canon, whom this would be about if it was about any Elizabeth, isn’t canonically like the one in the Silver Eyes. Neither is William, in regards to the way he largely treats his kids.

Look, I know that people can have their different interpretations of characters wherever the blanks aren’t filled in, and that’s perfectly fine, but there comes a point where you have to be able to look at canon and distinguish whether what you choose to believe about a character is a headcanon (something that doesn’t conflict with official canon, but also doesn’t necessarily have anything backing it), or an alternate universe interpretation (which is something that conflicts with canonical information in a way that renders it impossible to reconcile with official canon, no matter how cool or fun the idea may be).

It’s perfectly fine if some of you like the idea of a William Afton who is abusive and/or neglectful of all of his kids, and I 100% encourage you to play around with that in your creations, if that’s what makes you happy, but canonically, in terms of the mainline games, it needs to be recognized that as far as any 100% confirmable canon is concerned, that is not what William is; William did not neglect or abuse Elizabeth. William did not neglect or abuse Garret. There is nothing confirmable in main canon which suggests this, and everything that suggests otherwise.

If William did not care about Garret or Elizabeth, he would not be on a mission to “put them back together”, to the point of temporarily enlisting the only child whom he does canonically resent to help him do it.

If William did not care about Garret, he would not have sat at his child’s bedside and begged him to wake up. If William did not care about Elizabeth, he would not have tried to protect her from Baby. The entire point of mainline FNAF — and what makes it so compelling — is that William is shown to just have originally been a father who lost himself when he lost his child and went progressively more and more mad in his grief as his refusal to let go just kept causing him to lose more, until he had truly become a monster (in more than one sense of the word) practically beyond all recognition. It is the contrast between him, Henry, and Michael in how they deal with their grief that makes them all such good characters.

There is no point in confirmable canon in which Elizabeth says or implies that her father mistreated her prior to her death, and she even goes so far as to say in the end of Pizzeria Simulator that she believes that the entire pizzeria and Michael taking the job was all a gift for them (his children) from their father, which I can’t imagine her saying if she thought he didn’t care about her or them. By all accounts, she speaks very lovingly of him.

So no, as far as we know, the actual main canon Elizabeth does not fit the bill for the running secondary theme of this volume, which means that she does not really fit Sarah.

And as for the Silver Eyes’ interpretation of Elizabeth, I do feel it’s very important to just draw attention to one thing: in that alternate universe, William did not have multiple children; there was not a Garret or a Michael through whose fates we could mark his complex descent into madness through grief. This was intentional; there was no Garret in William’s life because in the Silver Eyes, if William had a Garret to mourn and to obsess over returning to life at all costs, he would not have been the antithesis to Henry, who instead took his role with his grief over his late daughter, Charlie. If William had had an Elizabeth he loved, he would not have been the contrast to the loving father that Henry was, and Elizabeth/Baby would not have had a reason to be jealous of Charlie, who had a father who loved her so dearly, and that was very clearly what they were going for.

As a result, the Silver Eyes Elizabeth was not just Elizabeth — she was a unique-to-that-universe creation who fulfilled a role that was a mix between her mainline canon counterpart and the mainline canon Michael — a little girl born of William Afton to die tragically to Baby, but also a child for William to neglect and then act cruel/cold/disdainful towards and make suffer in the name of his endeavors.

Trying to compare anyone in the Silver Eyes in a straightforward way to their main canon namesakes and expecting everything (or even most things) to transfer over is a fruitless endeavor, because no one there is entirely themselves; they’re what the narrative needs them to be in order to work the way it wants. That’s why it’s an alternate universe.

And finally, as we’ve discussed in the previous section, Elizabeth already has a main character counterpart in Eleanor, when it comes to To Be Beautiful; Eleanor very clearly represents Circus Baby after she’s been possessed by Elizabeth, and the overall plot is meant to mirror the events of Sister Location, so why would she need to also be represented by the character who happens to be the stand-in for Michael in every other instance?

It’s much more sensible to assume that Elizabeth is represented by the main character who parallels — well, Elizabeth, and that Michael is represented by the main character who is an obvious stand-in for him.

Besides, Michael has so much more in common with Sarah, to begin with. Think about it:

1: We already know that in terms of the main plot and how it relates to Sister Location, Sarah is meant to be filling Michael’s space, so it would hardly be a leap of logic to say that it would make the most sense if the person she is meant to parallel in other ways is also Michael, rather than some random other character whom we aren’t already thinking about.

2: Sarah and Michael both share the same mousy brown hair and blue eyes, making for a compelling argument to an intentional physical resemblance despite the difference in gender.

3: Furthermore, going by both the descriptions in the book and the artwork of the graphic novel, apart from characteristics brought on by age, Sarah bares a strong, almost uncanny likeness to her Mom — perfectly paralleling how Michael and his father, William, are canonically near identical in appearance, as well.

4: Given that there is a certain passage in the story, during the point where Sarah is having her first ‘interview’ with the Beautifuls, where it is explicitly stated, “Sarah tried not to bristle at the word ‘Dad’.”, I think it is safe to say that both she and Michael have issues and/or an overall adversary — or at least strained — relationship with their fathers, as well. We know from the mainline canon that Michael definitely does, for as much as there might have been a part of him that once wanted to win his love and attention when he was young.

5: Throughout the book, Sarah has a best friend named Abby, whom she has been so close to for most of her life that she basically grew up with her; Abby can occasionally be used as a nickname for ‘Elizabeth’, and in the alternate universe FNAF movie, Michael’s sister — who is very clearly meant to be Elizabeth — is called Abby, as well.

I don’t think that Abby is necessarily meant to be Elizabeth in the story, by any means, for reasons that should already be clear, but I do think that this is supposed to be yet another attempt at making parts of Sarah’s life mirror Michael’s in a way.

6: In one part of the tale, Sarah remarks how Eleanor is definitely “more alive than the stuffed Freddy Fazbear she’d had on her bed since she was six”, and again makes reference to said Freddy plush later on, when she picks it up to hug it, while telling Eleanor about her day.

If you happen to subscribe to the same belief that I do that the night sections of FNAF 4 take place in Michael’s bedroom, and that Michael is the one being terrorized by animatronics fitted with illusion discs by his father, then you’d know that Michael very notably has a stuffed Freddy Fazbear on his bed that this could be a reference to, as could the vague suggestion that Sarah’s stuffed Freddy hadn’t “come to life”, as appeared to happen in a sense to young Michael during this time.

7. Not exactly a smoking gun by any means, but Sarah and Abby both very openly love pizza in this, even if Sarah stopped eating it for quite a while out of a desire to avoid carbs, and Sarah even seems to be something of a connoisseur in the way she narrates the fact that the pizza at the cafeteria isn’t that bad for what it was, making an implication she’s had better, more fresh pizza.

Michael is also quite familiar with pizza, given that it’s his family’s business, as would his sister Elizabeth be, and in the Security Logbook, one of the perks of the job of working at Freddy’s that Michael mentions is “employees get free pizza”, implying that he does quite enjoy it — even enough that it could be considered a perk of an otherwise extremely dangerous and largely unpleasant, generally low-paying job.

8: Despite knowing full well how they can be, Sarah seems to nevertheless idolize and greatly want to be a part of The Beautifuls, who are ultimately just a glorified group of spoiled, wealthy bullies. This is, truthfully, not very different at all from the fact that Michael used to hang out with what appeared to be a group of bullies when he was a young teen, also around Sarah’s stated age.

9: A lot of Sarah’s specific complaints about herself and her life have a lot of potential subtle symbolism relating to Foxy, and the various versions of the character that have been made over the years — and I don’t think I have to explain how important Foxy symbolism generally is, when we’re talking about Michael.

Here’s just a few of the notable examples I’ve picked up on:

Sarah’s obsessions with the faults of her physical appearance are, and I quote, a “bulbous nose”, “prominent ears,” and the fact that “all her parts seem stuck onto her body at random” — over which she then compares herself to “Mrs. Mix-n-match”. Both the bulbous nose and prominent ears are some of the very defining features of Foxy in nearly every iteration, and, of course, although I know Mrs. Mix-n-Match was meant to be a parallel to our world’s Mrs. Potato Head, I can’t help but feel that the way Sarah describes herself and even the name of the toy itself strongly bring to mind the image of Mangle, too.

Although this game came out a year later, I also find it important to note that Roxy — an obviously related character and later a replacement for Foxy during Security Breach’s era — shares many of Sarah’s self-worth and self-image issues, which can often lead her to act like something of a bully to compensate. She also mentions that “nobody likes a loser”, and Sarah in this book plainly states that she doesn’t like to sit at the “loser table” and refuses to do so anymore. This may not be an intentional parallel on the book’s part, as Security Breach obviously did not much exist at that time (if at all) even in the development stage, but it is certainly possible that it could be the other way around, and Roxy could be designed the way she is exactly because of Sarah/Michael, and the fact that she is technically an iteration of Foxy. Just food for thought, I guess.

—

Above all, though, as I began to explore in my previous article, Michael and Sarah’s very biggest common-ground that they share is that secondary underlying theme that pervades this entire book and all three of its full stories — that same feeling of being unlovable, unwanted, invisible when it comes to anything good, and feeling that life in its current state is empty and meaningless.

And if there’s still any doubt of that — still some lingering question of if that could really be an accurate reading of Michael — let us put that to rest immediately, because out of all the iterations of Michael that exist thus far, there is no iteration in which the canon of that universe does not at least show it to be perfectly fitting to his personality — if not blatantly showing and stating it.

In the alternate universe FNAF movie, while avoiding as many spoilers as possible, Michael very clearly carries the weight of guilt over his past mistakes, feels unwanted and invisible to the person he cares about most — not to mention undeserving of being in that person’s life, and later, even shows signs of not particularly caring what happens to him anymore and that life isn’t worth living if he can’t change how it is.

In the mainline canon, through both the games and the Security Logbook, we can see that Michael is deeply regretful of what he did to Garret and, after doing all he could to help his sister who technically died because of that action, as well, states, himself, that the only thing left for him is to continue to live on long enough to right all the harm that he inadvertently caused through a domino effect resulting out of Garret’s death, and find and stop his father. It is very clear, especially through both the Security Logbook and heavily suggested in Pizzeria Simulator, that he feels life beyond this is meaningless and longs to die once it’s all over.

And for the final nail in the coffin of every clear and undeniable Michael interpretation strongly lending to all of the aforementioned themes applying to and being true of Michael in the mainline canon of the games, there is even also a story that comes later in Fazbear Frights — called Lonely Freddy — which is much more undeniably directly about Michael as a person, in which his very obvious stand-in has almost this exact mindset (though that will have to wait, as I don’t want to give out spoilers for future books and tales here).

…But what can we really learn about Michael from To Be Beautiful? Even if what I say here is true, then what could this tale possibly have to contribute that the rest of this volume and that aforementioned later book don’t? If anything, wouldn’t this just be echoing that same general theme and sentiment?

…Well, yes, it would — but that doesn’t mean that examining the specific ways that theme manifests in this story and Sarah’s unique attributes can’t contribute anything new to the conversation. I absolutely think it can.

So, without further ado — as I think this article is getting incredibly long already — here are some things that I personally find to be quite interesting and potentially very revealing when applied to Michael’s character, and why:

1: First of all, to start this off strong with my most robust dissection of Michael's character, there's the parallel between the bullies he used to hang out with as a teen and Sarah's Beautifuls.

In To Be Beautiful, Sarah very clearly has an issue with idolizing bullies and bullying behavior, using her own self-hatred and body image issues to justify the behavior of those she deemed better than herself in some way. It's a sad but interesting thought process to examine — the way that she felt that those who possessed what she herself wanted had the right to look down on her and others simply for not having it, and that she should be honored to even be in their presence for a moment, if they happened to entertain her.

She kept pictures of models on her wall, but not as inspiration in any positive sense of the word; rather, she ended up allowing it to be yet another way to make her feel worse about herself, and even imagined these "goddesses of beauty" mocking her and telling her she had no hope of ever being as pretty as they were.

In Sarah's mind, the supreme, inherent beauty of people like this — especially the Beautifuls — magically shielded them from all of life's pain and embarrassment, and to be accepted by them meant to be covered by that same forcefield, and given status, meaning, worth.

They had high status not because they were rich or had influential parents who could afford to give them anything they wanted and remove any obstacles placed in their way, but because they were beautiful — or at least, that was how she viewed it.

And she wanted that more than anything else. She wanted that, and she wanted to feel valued, and if the Beautifuls — who judged practically everyone but the ‘best’ — valued her and let her run with them, then she had the undeniable proof and reassurance she desperately sought and needed, even once she was already ‘beautiful’, that she had ‘true’ worth.

Applying this philosophy to Michael has an…interesting effect and implication.

While we’ll get into discussion of whether or not there’s anything potentially to be said about Michael and how he feels about his own appearance later, I think it’s very safe to say that, regardless of the answer, that’s obviously not what motivated him when it came to him joining the bully group he was a part of in his teens.

Still, it doesn’t have to be about beauty to tie back to Sarah and her philosophy; if we look at it logically, then like with Sarah, Michael’s reason for looking up to and joining the bullies must have been based off of three things: his own lack of self-worth and a need for that to be validated, the ability to gain status that helped him feel above life’s pain and embarrassment, and them having something he doesn’t, but wishes he had.

The second reason is very simple to work out and requires no pondering at all, as we know for a fact that obviously, being a bully in any capacity does grant you freedom from a lot of life’s inconveniences, as many people will be intimidated enough by you that you gain a certain level of status and free pass to do whatever you want without consequence. Despite Sarah’s (and hence, Michael’s) initial beliefs, it obviously does not truly protect you from all pain or humiliation, no, but it does grant you a significant edge, even if through rather unfortunate means.

As for the first reason, that is also very much tied to the third, so to answer one is to inevitably answer the other, but if not beauty, what was Michael’s greatest insecurity and desire?

Did he want to be wealthy, as the Beautifuls were? Obviously, the answer is no; looking at what little we can observe of Michael’s bully cohorts in his teens and what we can gather of some of them in their present lives, they didn’t particularly appear to be wealthy, and more than likely, given how successful Fredbear’s Family Diner was, Michael’s family would’ve been the richest out of all of them, even if they did appear to choose to live fairly humbly.

The only possible choice, then, is — as I posited in my previous article, and as is backed up by a later story — Michael’s greatest insecurity was in feeling that he was invisible to and largely unloved by his father and/or family in general, compared to his siblings, and, whether or not he originally particularly liked the power the bullies had and flaunted (something of which we cannot easily say one way or another at this point in time), he nevertheless looked up to them for how unaffected they were in life and potentially how their parents spoiled and loved them, and he simultaneously satisfied his loneliness and further fed the beast by choosing to be around them so that he could feel wanted and accepted by at least someone, feel power over at least something when he felt powerless elsewhere, and (as posited previously) act out more and more in an attempt to get the acknowledgement from his father or family that he craved so desperately.

And yet, this also raises a question; if, like Sarah, Michael perhaps believed that the bullies had the right to do what they wanted because they’d earned it through what they had (even if, in their case, it was mostly just power over their lives and the support of the parents), why didn’t he feel the same way about — as we know happened, both according to UCN and the later Lonely Freddy story I keep speaking of — Garret pranking him or otherwise (usually unintentionally) making his life harder? Wouldn’t he feel like he deserved it?

Actually, no, because Sarah was equally a hypocrite about it, when it came to those closer to her, for, despite expressing several times in both narration and dialogue that she believed Abby was beautiful and just didn’t flaunt it (and thus, should have gotten the same level of excusing as the Beautifuls did ), the moment that she felt judged by Abby, Sarah became angry and lashed out at her, because “friends were supposed to be the people who didn’t judge you”. — even though the Beautifuls were, in fact, allowed to judge her and set a standard for her even after they were supposedly friends.

I suppose, in their minds, it’s fine when it’s people who are consistently judgy or cruel to others from the moment you’ve met them, but not fine when it’s someone you grew up with and who is usually supposed to have your back.

2: And now, for probably the most burning question, does Sarah’s emphasis on body image issues have any potential to carry over to Michael, based on what we know of the mainline canon?

Well, going into this, I was fairly certain the resounding answer was just going to be ‘no’, but…after thinking it over and reviewing what we know is canon, I actually think there might be something to it, in a more mild sense.

I obviously don’t think that Michael feels he’s ugly; with the game version of Into the Pit giving us a new and unique, likely canon photograph of William and Henry, and with Sister Location blatantly confirming that Michael looks almost just like his father, I think it’s pretty safe to safe that Michael Afton is likely very conventionally attractive by most standards.

Now, that’s not to say it’s impossible that Michael could think he isn’t, regardless — it very clearly is, since Sarah hates her own appearance and thinks she’s ugly despite her looking just like her Mom, who she clearly thinks is pretty — but given canon, I think it makes more sense to say that if Michael does hate his appearance, it’s less because he isn’t attractive, and more because he looks just like his serial killer, child murdering father.

It would not surprise me in the least if, like Sarah, the mirror we see Michael staring into in Sister Location is indeed his worst enemy, because every time he looks into it, he’s reminded of his Dad, and what he himself did that caused all of this bloodshed in the first place.

It may have even sent him into an existential crisis now and again, as both he and his dad are technically both murderers in their own right. Did it perhaps make him spend hours wondering if, like their physical appearances, they really weren’t as different as he would want to believe?

And if there was a point in time pre- or during Sister Location when he wished to distance himself from that, then I’m sure that just like Sarah, there was eventually a moment of regret for that wish, when he finally looked into the mirror some time after being scooped and could barely recognize the mangled and failing (even if attempting to mend through remnant in spite of Ennard’s intrusion) body in front of him.

There’s clearly no way to know at this point in time, but I do find the implication rather interesting.

3: Going back to the Beautifuls and the bully symbolism for a moment, I do think there is a certain point of interest in some of the symbolism surrounding them and Sarah’s desire to join them.

The way that Abby compares the Beautifuls to a type of animal (penguins) because they are not varied or unique enough in appearance to truly be distinguishable from one another and the fact that Sarah had to get an entirely new face — more or less putting on a non-removable mask — to be acceptable among them, brings to mind, for me, the bullies that Michael associated with and joined around her age, and the concept of both having to wear a both figurative and semi-literal mask to be a part of them, and the comparison to animals in their lack of recognizable features definitely brings to mind the way that those bullies all wore masks of the Fazbear animatronic animal gang.

That could just be me, though.

4: I do think the fact that Sarah deciding to try to improve her life circumstances by buying the hair dye and just ending up more literally green (with envy) in the process has symbolism for something about Michael that is later revealed in Lonely Freddy, but as that would require spoilers for that story in order to explain it, I’ll just list this here for now as something to remember, and we’ll get back to it in that post.

5: Although, I don’t believe Abby is actually meant to be a stand-in for Elizabeth in any meaningful or lasting capacity beyond adding another similarity between Sarah and Michael in who they have a sibling-like dynamic with, there is at least one or two bits in the story that may have some relevance to either Elizabeth or Garret’s relationship with Michael.

In the book, it’s explained that Abby and Sarah grew up together and used to have a very close, sibling-like dynamic where they played together, but that Sarah eventually changed as she grew older and that she more or less had taken the attitude that she had “outgrown” Abby’s world and was now too focused on “fixing” her situation and obsessing over the Beautifuls (despite them being bullies) to hang out with her as she once did — feeling that Abby just didn’t understand her plight because she isn’t mature enough to get it.

For reasons that will become clear in Lonely Freddy, I’m not completely convinced this can apply to Garret, so I’m going to say that it’s Elizabeth this is mirroring, as not only is the character’s name a nickname for Elizabeth, but the dialogue from Scrap Baby in Pizzeria Simulator seems to hint that she and Michael may have had a slightly closer and more innocently playful relationship, but it’s open to interpretation.

Either way, the point is still the same: if applicable to Michael, this information would imply that once Michael began feeling invisible, the distance between him and his sibling(s) grew greatly, as he isolated himself from them more and more, feeling that they didn’t understand or care about the situation he was in and the fact they contributed to it. (Which is, intriguingly, information that UCN seems to partially back, at least in regards to Garret — minus, as far as I can recall, the implication that they were ever extremely close.)

Not really a big revelation, but still worth bringing up, I think.

6: In general, I think that Sarah getting to feel better about herself each of the four days of the transformation and getting closer to her ideal self while (unintentionally, in her case) helping Eleanor out could easily be very symbolic of the fact that helping Elizabeth — in the form of Circus Baby — was clearly Michael’s very first major act of self-redemption, and most likely did help him to feel at least a little less of the self-hatred he would’ve still felt over his other sibling’s tragic death, and gradually brought him one step closer to what he believed at the time would be making up for his mistakes.

7: While not really big or deeply significant enough to warrant their own separate little points in this list, there are just a few little lines from the book that I’d like to highlight as particularly capturing my attention when thinking about the subject of how Sarah relates to Michael:

“She might as well get used to being alone. She was always going to be alone.” Just more potential symbolism for how Michael felt in his day to day life growing up (and potentially even after, when it became clear that his father had only chosen him to help Baby because he knew he would agree). Nothing mind-blowing — the line just stood out to me.

“She felt sad, then she felt scared, and then she felt nothing at all.” Probably one of the saddest lines in the book, and even sadder when you realize that this is likely how Michael felt in the moment of being scooped, before his body was taken over. Sadness over being betrayed by his own sister and even his father, fear over what was clearly about to happen, and then nothing, once the scooper had done its job, until he eventually regained some form of consciousness to find his body being used.

There are a few other smaller things we could potentially examine in this way, but given there’s no major evidence towards those at this present moment other than that they’re true of Sarah, and Sarah is a stand-in for Michael, I think it’s better to leave it here for now.

Instead, as one last small topic that I don’t put half as much heavy stock in, but would still like to highlight anyway, for those of you in search of the elusive Mrs. Afton’s name (it almost certainly isn’t Clara, since the Security Logbook confirms that Michael in particular is the one who relates to Clara and her plight, and makes no mention of it being his Mom’s name), there may be something worth examining here — at least if you believe that Ballora could have been made to represent Mrs. Afton.

If you’d like to hear a more in-depth explanation of this, you can (and should!) check out this little video here by another smaller FNAF creator, but the basics are that the name Eleanor has ties back to the name “Lora”, which Ballora’s name could very easily be a combination of the word “Ballerina” and the name “Lora”. Meaning that it is possible that Mrs. Afton’s name is actually Eleanor, and because this story’s version of Circus Baby is more like an adult woman, she is using her mother’s name instead of Elizabeth, as a cover name.

…And with that, I believe we are actually, finally done here with this analysis of To Be Beautiful; it certainly ended up much, much longer than I expected it to be, despite my having already expected that it would be one of the longest I would write, but I hope that it was worth it to read.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one, when we’ll talk about Count the Ways!

[punks-never-die205]

Souled Out

Fem Reader x Demon!Eustass Kid

CW: Blood, religious tones, original creation myth, ritual, violence, dubious consent, 18+

Chapter 5: Soul Connection

You fell asleep to Eustass exhausting his date for the evening. You didn’t greet her when she arrived, you already tucked away in the spare room, putting in ear plugs and noise canceling headphones. Even with the double protection it was impossible to block it out entirely – even with a hallway and the living room separating everything.

By the time you drifted off to sleep you were more surprised that the police hadn’t shown up at your front door, but you had read somewhere that the summoning itself could effect physical space, so maybe your apartment was magically soundproof now. Whatever the reason, no one came to complain and you slept well.

The next morning you got up and went about making breakfast out of habit. It was hard to remember to eat when you could barely even feel hungry, but you had put yourself into a habit some years ago and now operated almost automatically during mealtimes. Part way through the process you realized you weren’t alone as a bleary, half-dressed brunette woman meandered into the common area, and sat down at the breakfast bar.

“Hungry?” You ask, tending to the easy breakfast.

“… I am. Sorry, I didn’t realize you two lived together.” She sounds apologetic but you wave it off.

“It is an arrangement of business and convenience, miss, don’t worry.” You hand over a plate of easy over eggs, and toast. “It’s not much, but I hope it suits your tastes.”

“Oh, thank you.” She smiles. “I usually skip breakfast, this is quite the treat.”

“Coffee? There’s apple juice as well, or tea, or water.” You list off the options.

“Coffee if you’re making it for yourself, otherwise water’s fine.” She answers. “We’re not gonna exchange names, are we?" There’s a smile in her voice.

“We could.” You answer, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. “But to answer your inference, it is unlikely we would see one another again.”

“So I assumed, what a shame, he’s really good.” She sighs as you set the glass of water down nearby.

You almost wanted to tell her ‘you’re welcome’, but it would take a lot to explain that she survived the night in large part because of you. There wasn’t any real way to explain it – worst case she would think he was a serial killer or something, and you’d be dealing with police. Best case she’d think you were both off your rockers and you might still have to deal with the police.

“He does seem to excel in all he does.” You admit, making yourself breakfast. You can hear him waking up, stretching and getting out of bed, and are relieved and confused to hear him go into the bathroom. Perhaps demon bodies work like human bodies when they’re on this plane. Either way, it gave you time to eat before you handed off your breakfast to someone else a second time.

“Are you like… a butler or something?” She asks and you can tell from her tone she’s not being rude.

“… Butler is a close enough title.” You answer between bites. “It’s, perhaps, a little more informal than that.”

The two of you finish eating in silence and she goes back into the bedroom, coming out a couple minutes later dressed as, you assume, she had been when she arrived. Eustass is almost right behind her, yawning and offering and mumbled ‘good morning’.

You had assumed he would be more of an ass, when his piece of ass wasn’t gone before he was up, but he was surprisingly convivial. Or at least neutral about it.

He sits down at the breakfast bar and nearly lays across the counter. “Where’s breakfast, lil’ co-er-(Y/N).”

“Still in the fridge,” you answer as you open the refrigerator and pull out some eggs. “I fed your guest and myself, but it won’t take long.”

“Gilda,” she says, standing at the edge of the kitchen space. “Since I heard your name, I figured it was only right.” Gilda extends her hand for a shake. “Thanks for the breakfast.”

“You’re welcome.” You reach out to accept the offered hand. “It was a pl-!”

The second your fingers touched Gilda’s there is a crackle in the air. The explosion of energy throws you both away from each other. You thought you heard someone yell, but the speed and force of the explosion has ripped your consciousness from you just after you feel yourself impact into something.

Eustass coughs, shrugging off bits of plaster and wood from his and your newfound position in the bathroom. The crackle of energy had given him just enough time to react and he managed to cushion you before the force of the explosion slammed you into the wall. There’s not so much as a scratch on him, but if the blast had been able to hurt him, the apartment building probably wouldn’t have survived, never mind you.

“Shit.” He shifts around in the broken bits of wood and moves you around carefully. Nothing’s bending in the wrong direction, and you’re only bleeding a little. Looking up through the new hole connecting the kitchen to the bathroom he sees the girl from last night. Gilda, apparently, didn’t survive.

“You better not blame me for that death, contractor.”

Standing up carefully, he looks you over again before lifting you up. Your heart’s beating, and he heals the few shallow cuts on your arms and legs easily enough. He can’t sense or smell anything wrong, and it doesn’t seem like there’s any internal bleeding to be worried about. Picking you up carefully, listening for any unwanted noises like bones grinding or internal injuries gurgling, he walks out of the bathroom through the door and sets you on the couch before going over to Gilda.

Something had blown her hand off. More like disintegrated it. Eustass grabbed her arm and looked at the wound. The stump was smooth like glass, and there was even a shine to it. There were wounds on her consistent with taking an explosion practically to the face like she had, but it was almost like her hand wasn’t even her own in the first place.

Nothing had been off before the handshake. He hadn’t been on this plane long enough for anyone to be reacting to it – his kind or humankind. Demon hunters were still a thing, laughably weak as they were anymore, and sure there were plenty of others on Earth at any given point, but even with the list of people who’d give a shit about him, none were connected enough to know he was even here yet.

What was it about the name Gilda that bothered him though? No matter how much he thought about it, nothing came to mind.

“Was she gunning for you from the start, contactor?” He murmurs, glancing at you before turning his attention back to the corpse.

Eustass’ eyes shine and he peers at the broken body of last night’s screamer. There’s no tattered remains of a soul on her, she’s already left for The Turn, and it wasn’t like she was a homunculus. All of her pieces and parts, what were left of them, were flesh and bone and blood. No heart crystal, no remnants of magic, and no signature.

“Well lady, you’re a missing person now.” Eustass murmurs, setting the body to flames like he had the poster board the day before. In seconds there was little more than a few ashes mixed in with the dusty disaster the kitchen was in.

Turning his gaze back to you, his eyes keep their eerie focus, and he growls. There’s more soul in you now than there was yesterday, but what’s there doesn’t look stable. It’s not going to disappear or disconnect from you in the next few hours, but as well as Eustass can see souls, they aren’t his area of expertise.

He already knew he was going to have to see the freak the second you told him why you summoned a demon, but now he was going under terms he wasn’t thrilled about.

Tossing open the curtain that covered the sliding glass door, he pulled it open and looked around the balcony. No one was around, not that it would matter much. Coming back into the living room he scooped you up into his arms again. Emotions or not, it was probably for the best that you were unconscious for this.

Stepping up onto the railing Eustass Kid leapt into the air. The black scales that had shivered over his body before gather and bulge at his back, and large red and black wings catch the air as magic and muscle take the two of you higher and higher. It would only take a few minutes to reach where he needed to go, hopefully that little freak hadn’t picked up and moved shop already.

[piniatafullofblood]

A Comprehensive Guide To The Ao3 Tagging System

There may be other ways to do it, but this is the way I do it. I see a lot of people on, like, wattpad and ff.net who don’t go on ao3 because it’s tagging system is intimidating, but speaking from an ao3 perspective, wattpad and ff.net’s tagging systems are almost unusable. So, here’s a guide to fix that gap!

Okay, so when you get to the home page it should look something like this

There are multiple different ways to do this, but the easiest way is to click on the search button in the top right hand corner. You don’t need to put anything into the search bar to be able to search. After you do that, it should look something like this

After this, you click on the search bar again. That should take you to a page that looks like this

From this, it’s pretty self explanatory, and you can press on the blue question marks if you don’t understand.

Here are the kinks: if you use the title and it doesn’t turn up the fic you want, it doesn’t mean necessarily that the fic isn’t on the archive. Sometimes it glitches and doesn’t show it up, which means if your trying to find a fic you’ve already read your better chance is to memorize the authors username, because that doesn’t happen with usernames.

The date field doesn’t work, it’ll show you up nothing.

For the word count, you can’t do specific numbers. If you type in 10,000, it will only pull up fics with exactly 10,000 words, which is why you have to use < and >. But the thing about that is that they’re switched around. So if you typed in >10000, it’ll show up more than ten thousand, and vice versa. (It won’t understand if you use commas.)

For the character, relationships, and additional tags- when you type anything in, it’ll bring a drop down menu of the sites predictions for what you might mean. But the thing is, if you just typed in, for example, ‘parental aizawa’, and put that in as a tag, nothing would show up, because there are no tags that are exactly just ‘parental aizawa’. There’s no AI involved, it’s not gonna predict you. If you wanted to get the parental aizawa tag, you’d have to type in the whole “ Parental | Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead | Dadzawa” tag, otherwise it’ll search for exactly the tag you searched for and nothing will come up. (But obviously, no one types in the whole tags. You just use the recommended official tags that come through the drop-down.) Not all ao3 tags that are in use are official, though. There are, sort of, ‘tropes’ for ao3 tags that translate to multiple different ideas for different characters, but there are too many of them to list out, and we don’t need to because you’ll start memorizing without even trying the more you search.

Oh also, unrelated to the search terms: if you’re writing a fic, don’t write it in the official ao3 writing box. If you exit the site, there’s a good chance it’ll erase the work. (Oh and choose your font before, otherwise it’ll glitch and erase all your paragraph breaks.) this glitch is noted in the site. Oh also- drafts are only saved for a month after the original editing date. Your better choice would just be to write in a third party app.

Back on topic. Most of the tags are really self explanatory if you just look at them, so it feels a bit redundant to me to explain them, but that’s the main reason it feels so overwhelming to people, so I’m going to do it. Disclaimer: you don’t have to fill out every section of the form before searching for a work.

The ‘any field’ tag is tricky and finicky, and tbh, it’s better left alone if you’re just learning the tagging system. Your least important ones, (at least by my experience,) are the date, title, and the work stats. They’re more trouble than they’re worth.

The author/artist tag is exactly what it sounds like. You put in someone’s exact username, (it has to be exact,) and it’ll show you all of their works (that match with whatever other specifications you’ve put in.)

The ‘completion status’, ‘crossovers’ and ‘single chapter’ are easy, because you just click one. If you don’t click that you want a single chapter, it will give you both single and multiple works.

The language section is a giant drop down, it’s organized a-z. Most of the archives fics are in English, so you probably don’t really have to worry about it. If you don’t click on any language, it’ll show you every fic that ,atches your other specifications, and they might not be in English. (But most of them are, so you really don’t need to worry about it.)

Personally, I find I don’t usually specify on the ‘ratings, warnings, and categories’ options, but it really depends on what you’re looking for. But those are fairly easy, you just choose an option if you want to. If you don’t specify, it’ll factor that out and show you everything.

That’s about it. You can look at the little blue question marks next to the sections for more details.

Happy reading!

[allie-campbell-bradshaw]

Chapter 16: First Date

A/N: I’m guessing by the title of this chapter that you know what’s about to happen! This is one of my favorite chapters ever. This chapter has additions to the Brallie playlist as well as the wardrobe, so make sure you check it out! I mention this in every chapter, but in case you missed it- I do not give permission for my work to be re-posted without credibility. If you do want to post this story to your page, please be sure that you tag my account or at least mention its original source in your post. 

Also: This story is sequential…please go back and read my other chapters, in order, for the best results!

Again, thank you for being here and I hope you enjoy :)

Chapter 16: First Date

AUTHOR’S POV

Friday was here. Allie had just finished up her shift and was getting dressed in the locker room–putting her hair in a waterfall braid, letting her loose curls hang down. She was in a navy blue and white striped t-shirt dress. She reached up and grasped onto her locket, the one with an A in cursive on it that was shaped in a heart. She held onto it as she looked at herself through one of the warn out mirrors, knowing that this was the first time in years where she was actually going on a proper date, and a date she was planning. 

She didn’t know how he would take this, but was hoping he would be as entertained and enthused as she thought he was going to be. Allie let out a deep breath and tucked the locket into her dress so it would not be visible. Allie packed up everything into her backpack and threw it over her shoulder, holding her set of keys in her hand as she made her way out the doors and towards the tarmac, heading for her aircraft carrier.

***

Bradley was looking at himself in the mirror in his dorm room. He didn’t have many formal clothes, just a bunch of Hawaiian shirts and jeans. Thank God he and Javy were around the same size and his friend was kind enough to lend him his dark pink shirt that had a circular shaped pattern in it. Bradley looked down the lower half of his body, kicking the Emmett’s brown shoes in the air and running his hands over his own khaki pants. It felt weird to be in shoes that weren’t the boots that the military made him wear. The brown shoes perfectly complemented the color palette that he had on.

Bradley adjusted his tactiks watch on his left wrist, taking a deep breath as he adjusted himself one last time in the mirror.

Emmett was watching him in admiration, loving how anxious his roommate, and best friend, looked. “You look lovely dear.” he said to him in a mockingly admiring tone.

“Thanks hun,” Bradley responded playfully, running his hands through his hair so he could set it just right.

“You really like this girl don’t you?” Emmett asked, realizing that this was no longer a fling, but something Bradley was actually working very hard for.

Bradley raised his eyebrows in response, sort of saying ‘no shit’ to his best mate.

“Alright then,” Emmett said, conceding in his tomfoolery, “I will stop teasing you about it”.

“Thanks!” Bradley exclaimed, happy that the constant comments would finally be over, walking over to his desk and putting his wallet in his pants pocket. “Do I look okay?” He turned over and faced Emmett.

“Simply breathtaking” Emmett responded, fighting back a smile that was peeking through his cheeks.

“Any advice?” He asked his roommate, before rolling his eyes, “Why am I asking you?”

“Hey,” Emmett fired back, “I’m a hit with the ladies!”

“Oh yeah,” Bradley said sarcastically, “You’re a star man.”

Emmett made a ‘twinkle, twinkle’ sign with his hands before turning his attention back to the TV that was right in front of his bed. Bradley wasn’t much of a TV watcher, and when he did watch a show with Emmett, he didn’t mind looking over towards his bunk.

The door then swung open and Natasha and Javy made their way in, “Oh good!” Natasha exclaimed, “You’re still here”. Both her and Javy looked like they were on a mission, shutting the door and walking over to Bradley.

Natasha adjusted a wrinkled piece of fabric on his shoulder and pushed him so he turned around, inhaling, “What are you wearing”? She asked him, inhaling deeply.

“Javy and Emmett’s clothes,” Bradley answered matter of factly, a little confused because he knew that Natasha knew that.

“Not your clothes dipshit!” She fired back, “Cologne, what cologne are you wearing?”

“Ummmm,” Bradley asked, giving it away that he was not wearing anything.

Natasha looked at Javy, who took out a blue bottle from the pocket of his deep gray joggers. Natasha sprayed it on Bradley without asking for permission or allowing him to smell it.

The aroma filled the room quickly, “What the hell?!” Bradley yelled, touching the part of his neck that was sprayed.

“Relax,” Natasha said, “Trust me, you needed it”.

“Yeah, but I didn’t need something this strong”.

“But it’s nice!” Natasha exclaimed, “Strong, but nice”.

“Are you sure?” He asked, now second guessing their move.

“Oh yeah,” she responded, grabbing his arm and starting to move him towards the door, “You smell like a successful Black man”.

Bradley looked at Javy, not knowing what that even meant. Javy gave him a look before answering the question that he could tell was on Bradley’s mind: “Don’t worry about it. It’s just something that my friends and I have. Got me laid multiple times in high school”.

Emmett interjected much to everyone’s surprise: “I’m not sure that’s the goal there today, Javy”. 

Javy looked back at Bradley with a questioning look on his face. Bradley rolled his eyes and shook his head, “I don’t think so,” he said, giving Emmett the all-clear to stay in his own dorm room tonight.

“Well, let us know if anything changes,” Natasha said as Bradley made his way to the door.

“Oh yeah,” Bradley said, turning back to them: “I’ll send a pigeon with a note”.

Bradley left after that, waving to Denzel who was on duty as he made his way out of the dorm room. Yesterday, Allie passed back his weekly score report for his flying performance. An 82% being a fair grade for the first week of simulation flying. On the last piece of paper Allie wrote: “Friday- On the tarmac. 7:30pm”.

Bradley was taken aback by this chosen meeting spot, knowing full well that Allie had not told her father about them yet, or if she had, was utterly shocked that her father would be okay with it. No she hadn’t told him yet, he thought to himself, Rear Admiral Campbell would have murdered me by now.

Bradley made his way to the tarmac and found it empty. He looked at his watch and saw that it was 7:23. Proud of himself for being prompt. He took this opportunity to wander over to the parked Texans that were not put in a hanger yet. He was completely admired by the jet-like qualities that this aircraft had that the cessna did not. It could reach speeds that were almost twice that of the cessna, requiring students to wear a helmet and oxygen mask.

Bradley was at the left side of the aircraft, when he noticed lights approaching him from the tarmac. He walked over and saw a little red, two seater cessna approaching. The propellers on the nose of the plane were beating fast as the plane turned and faced west.

He watched in amazement as Allie approached from the opposite side of the running aircraft, walking over to him, looking breathtaking!

“You coming stranger?” She asked, smirking at him as she made her way closer to him. He was frozen in shock, not thinking for a second that this was going to happen. Nothing in his wildest dreams could have predicted that they were going to go in the air tonight!

“Is that-” Bradley started to ask, freezing as he pointed to the plane that was sitting on the tarmac, his mouth hanging open wide in amazement.

Allie looked over to her plane and then back at him, “I call her Big Red”. she said, smiling at her prized possession. 

“She’s beautiful!” Bradley exclaimed, still admiring the aircraft.

“Thank you!” Allie beamed back to him, turning on her heel and making her way towards the aircraft, “And she’s also running on gas, which is expensive, so let’s stop drooling at her and get in”.

Bradley snapped out of it and followed her to the edge of the runway. Allie opened the passenger door and held her hand up for him to hold onto as he made his way to his seat, crossing over to her side of the plane and climbing in, both of them shutting their respective doors and putting on their seatbelts.

“Here you go!” She said, holding a headset for him. 

“Thanks” Bradley responded as he put on his headset, adjusting his mouthpiece to the optimal length from his lips, 2.5 inches.

Allie did the same for herself, her mouthpiece a little further out than it should be. Bradley thought about correcting her, but then choked back his words, not wanting his newfound knowledge to get in the way and reminder her as to why she doesn’t date Navalmen in the first place. He was just excited to finally be in a real plane again! It had been years!

Allie could tell he was anxiously excited because his demeanor had changed. He was now holding himself upright and tapping his hands on his lap like a drum. He looked like a little kid during Christmas time, on his way to see Santa. 

“What?” He questioned as he saw her smiling hard at him.

Allie immediately snapped out of it, “nothing” she said, insecure and blushing at being called out.

This caused Bradley to start laughing, which became contagious on her as she let out a few laughs.

“AK-217 are you ready for departure?” Someone from the control tower questioned, causing both of them to stop laughing.

“AK-217 ready for departure” Allie said back to the person in the control tower, dropping her laugh and getting right to her work.

“AK-217 you are clear for departure, immediately head 26 degrees west,” they came on and said again.

“AK-217 departing and heading 26 degrees west”.

Allie then adjusted in her seat and reached for her controls, pushing up on the lever while they gained speed. Bradley looked out the window of the plane, watching as they kept speeding down the runway. Before either of them knew it, they were in the air, his ears popping immediately at the change of pressure. They used to not do that right away when he left the ground, but it had been so long since he was in a plane that he wasn’t surprised.

Allie must have noticed his giddiness, because she started to let out a giggle behind her smirk. “What?” He asked again, pushing more than he did the first time when he asked.

“Nothing!” She said back playfully: “You just look so excited. Is this your first time on an airplane?”

Bradley laughed at her joke, knowing full well how crazy you would be to go into aviation if you had never been in a plane before. His first plane ride was when he was on his way to visit his dad in Top Gun, right after his second birthday. He couldn’t remember it, but his mom always told him how giddy he was to be on the plane, commenting on how it just looked like his toys!

“Dat?” Bradley asked, sitting up in his mom’s lap, pointing to the 15th new thing he found on the aircraft.

“Air” His mom responded, reaching up and turning the dial of the air so that it started hitting them.

Bradley closed his eyes as the air hit his face, “No air!” he yelled, bothered by the cool breeze that hit him and dried out his eyes.

His mom immediately turned the dial back, wanting badly to not have her toddler have a meltdown on the flight.

Bradley’s eyes widened and his hands covered his ears, “Dat?” he asked scared, not knowing what was happening, tears starting to form in his eyes.

“That’s your ears popping,” she said, knowing he had no idea what she was saying, “I’ll teach you how to get rid of that when you’re older.”

“Dat?” He asked, pointing to something far away that she couldn’t tell what it was.

“I love you so much little goose” His mom said to him, kissing him all over his cheeks. 

Bradley erupted in giggles as his mom kissed and tickled him. She was shocked how easy he was in the air, hoping it would always be this way, and he and his dad could go out flying all the time.

“Did you?” Allie asked Bradley.

“Did I what?” Bradley questioned, snapping out of it and back into the conversation he was having with Allie. He had been in such a trance in the air that he hadn’t realized that they were almost 5,000 feet up and that he had been sharing the story of his first plane right out loud for Allie to hear.

“Did you ride with your dad all the time?” She asked, keeping her eyes on the sky ahead.

Bradley’s face turned and he mentally punched himself in the gut for letting it slip. “We never got that far…” He said to her quietly, creating an awkward moment in the airplane.

“I’m sorry,” she started, “I know what it’s like for your old man to keep you grounded”.

“You do?” He asked, surprised at her admission.

“Yeah,” she answered, “I didn’t start flying until I was 16. And even then, daddy didn’t like having me in the air. The first time I flew without him in the seat next to me was my 21st birthday. And I told him it was either this or drunk driving.”

Bradley chucked again at her, loving her sense of humor. He looked over at the front of her plane by all of her controls and noticed something he had never seen before, “You have a radio in your plane!?” He asked, super impressed.

“Hmmm?” She said, dropping her eyes from the sky. “Oh, yes. I’m quite acclimated”.

“What are you listening to?” He asked, turning the dial and listening to the song that came on, recognizing it real quick as an 80’s hit.

“80’s music helps me calm down,” Allie said, “About 3 years ago, I had engine failure and I think listening to this station was the only thing that saved me when I brought the plane back to base”.

“I’m sure your dad was having a heart attack!” Bradley said sarcastically.

“He was!” Allie confirmed, “It took forever for him to allow me back in the air again”.

“So you’re a nurse,” Bradley said, “And you love flying, yet you want to be a surgeon. Why didn’t you become a pilot?”

Allie’s face dropped as she finally hit her desired altitude and set her plane on auto-pilot, looking down at her lap at his question.

“Oh,” Bradley said, noticing her change in demeanor, “I’m sorry. Is that a sore subject?”

Allie shrugged, fighting back the tightening of her throat. “It used to bother me,” Allie brought her eyes back up and looked at him, “But I love what I do now, and I’ll love being a surgeon”.

Bradley nodded and looked out the window. It was completely dark now and the stars were starting to make their presence known. “God it is so beautiful!” Bradley beamed.

Allie smirked at him and looked out the window herself. “This is my favorite time to fly” she said, “Perfect timing, perfect weather, perfect company”.

Bradley looked over at her and her at him. He was stunned at her comment: “I think this is the first time you’ve ever flirted with me, nurse Dr. Pilot Campbell”.

Allie laughed both at his comment and his name for her.

“It is so perfect out tonight” Allie said, looking out her window.

“Yes it is,” Bradley said, keeping his eyes on her.

Allie looked up at him through the reflection of her window, noticing that he hadn't stopped looking at her, “here,” she started, turning around to face him, “close your eyes”.

Bradley closed his eyes and noticed the room get significantly darker. Allie got on her radio and asked to change direction, which someone in air traffic control gave.

Allie turned direction and increased her speed slightly. After a few moments she finally spoke: “Okay, open your eyes” she whispered to him.

Bradley did and looked out the window, seeing nothing but water as they continued to move, he looked down and saw the waves beneath him, looking still as they continued their journey through the sky.

“Oh, my hell!” He exclaimed, taken aback by the beauty of it all: “It’s like we’re birds!”

“Exactly like we’re birds” Allie said, as she continued to move, eventually regaining her altitude and putting her plane back to auto-pilot after a few minutes of fun.

“How did you learn to do that?” Bradley asked, amazed.

“My daddy taught me. I’ll show you one day, when we’re in the air”.

At that moment, the reality that Bradley was living in came to full realization. He was in a plane, on a date, with his flight instructor, whose dad was an Admiral in the Navy. Well, a Read Admiral, but equally just as intimidating.

“This plane is magnificent,” Bradley said, breaking the silence.

“Thanks,” Allie said, proud of Big Red.

“Where did you get it?” Bradley asked.

Allie’s face dropped again, getting that same look of sadness that it had before when he asked her about being a pilot. “My dad,” she answered shortly. It was the truth, just not complete, “It was his when he was younger, and now it’s mine. And one day, I’ll pass it on to my children-If I have children” she corrected herself.

“Do you want children?” Bradley asked, hoping she would say yes, and bonus points if she said more than one.

Allie just shrugged, “It’s hard for me to answer, because a baby is not in my current plans nor in any near future plans of mine. But I would like a baby. I’m an only child, and I know what that’s like growing up, so if I had it my way, I would have two babies born right after each other, that way my oldest never knows what it’s like to be alone”.

Bradley looked at Allie as she became vulnerable, opening up about something he didn’t think she would be willing to do. He looked down at her right hand and reached over for it, giving it a squeeze and watching her look as he gazed into her eyes: “I’m an only child too.” Bradley said reassuringly: “And I also don’t want my children growing up knowing what it’s like to be alone”.

Allie and Bradley kept their eyes on each other for a moment before she broke it by slightly smirking at him, which he returned. They kept their eyes on each other as the plane slowly kept cruising into the direction of the water.

“I think this really makes up for everything,” Bradley said softly, both of them looking at each other before Bradley looked away, reaching towards the radio: “Let’s play a game”.

Allie looked at him questioningly: “What kind of game?”

“Well,” Bradley started, turning the dial of the radio, “The first ballad we find, if it’s sung by a female singer, means that I have to take you out on our next date. And if the ballad is sung by a guy, you have to take me out,” Bradley kept turning the dial, skipping past all the fast songs,

“And if I don’t want to go on another date?” Allie questioned.

That’s when Bradley froze, finding the first ballad, Lady Gaga’s voice filling the plane as he turned up the volume, letting it sink in that Bradley owed her the next date:

So when I’m all choked up

But I can’t find the words

Bradley sat up and looked at Allie, his eyes no longer worried at her threats. His eyes were fiery and twinkled in the moonlight that was hitting them.

“Is that what you want?” Bradley asked, not letting her win this time.

Allie started by shaking her head before silently letting out a “no”.

Bradley met her low volume, “good” he said as he slowly started to lean into her.

As Lady Gaga started to sing ‘I’ll always remember us this way’, Allie thought she saw Bradley mouth the lyrics, moving even closer to her, making his intentions completely known.

It was now on the acoustic solo, the climax of the song, when his lips met hers. His kiss was strong, passionate, slightly possessive. Her’s started out soft, but became as strong as his, wanting to meet his strength.

He kept kissing her, bringing his hands up to cup her face. She placed her hands on his elbows, her fingertips rubbing softly on his skin and increasing its grip as the kisses became more passionate.

They kept kissing each other for the remainder of the song, which was only a few more seconds.

As the climax of the song came down, Bradley pulled away, allowing both of them to remain centimeters apart, breathing heavily as they comprehended the moment that they just had.

And the whole world fades

I’ll always remember us

This way.

A few moments later, Allie broke the silence: “Things just got complicated”.

Bradley chuckled at her as he finally looked up, meeting her eyes. He put his right hand on the outer left side of her neck, running his fingers in her few strands of hair and rubbing the skin of her neck, looking at her eyes again. 

Yes, things just got very complicated.