#at least not when it comes to the present day scenes I should clarify

[hestzhyen]

Food in the Edgy Sword Manga: A Summary

This is long because I hit the image cap but I at least managed to keep things succinct for once in my life.

In short: Kagurabachi has been using food as obvious symbolism for connection, trust, general well-being, and/or mutual understanding since the beginning.

Chapter 1

Moments like these are cherished memories that Chihiro keeps close to his heart. Note his relaxed, open posture compared to the next image.

Three years later, Chihiro is turning down Mr. Shiba's small offer of comfort. He still relies on Mr. Shiba and cares a great deal for him, obviously, but his heart is closed off now.

Vs. Sojo Arc

Chapter 3

Our first obvious glimpse into the kind nature Chihiro tries to smother with edginess. He'll turn down comfort from others but he'll easily offer some to a scruffy orphan. He even makes sure he gets down to her eye level to reassure her when doing so (Hinao also did the same earlier in the chapter). Take notes, Mr. Shiba.

World's Hardest-Working Uncle Figure doing the clarifying monologue shtick to perfection as always. Just so we know that this bit with Char is perfectly in-character for Chihiro.

Char doesn't trust Chihiro yet, but she's willing to help him with his own quest at least. They connected over the meal (short-lived as it was).

Chapter 5

Chihiro being run ragged by a hungry, lonely little girl should trounce any lingering doubts that this guy is an uncaring revenge bot. You can tell by his thoughts and dialogue here that despite his brusque attitude, he's more focused on Char's quirks and well-being than the information she can offer him. And Char reciprocates by starting to let her guard down- his altruism when providing security and comfort gets her to trust him completely.

Again food being used to reference someone's well-being. Living as a science experiment in captivity was terrible even when she still had her mom (obviously). But Char's safe now with access to good food through Chihiro. Or so she hopes.

Chapter 6

Chihiro's cherished memories of his dad are corrupted thanks to the trauma sorcerer. A meal interrupted, trust and safety shattered. Only hatred is left according to Chihiro when he comes to. ...But he's not exactly the most trustworthy guy when it comes to his own status.

Instead of the science lab or the cell itself we see a tray of indistinct mush and water in a cage. Just a gentle way of bonking us over the head that the food metaphors are supposed to be obvious- and that whatever is waiting for Char back there with Sojo is not good for her (or anyone really).

The comfort Chihiro offers is a bit awkward and messy, but it's still wholesome as fuck. He's willing to give it at his own expense too. Someone please give this boy a hug.

Chapter 11

Poor Mr. Shiba. One day he'll find someone who appreciates his awkward attempts to help people. At least Hinao didn't turn him down despite the poor presentation.

Between this scene and the grilled smelt from Chapter 1, it's pretty obvious that Shiba sucks at trying to be a source of comfort, but at least he tries.

Alone and back to being mistreated. Oh, Char...

Chapter 15

Just like Chihiro, this represents the precious memories Char has of her mom. When she was safe and loved.

And once again, safety and comfort are brutally ripped away from a child and their only parent.

... but what was lost can be found again in the right people.

May nothing bad ever happen to Char again. I mean it.

Chapter 17

Ah, one of my favorite tropes! Interrupting a fierce battle scene to show the combatants having a casual chat! This time, there's no comfort or security to be had through sharing food, though. Instead, this is exchange is purely about connecting and understanding each others' views.

A bit of trivia: these guys are probably eating hanami (a.k.a. sanshoku) dango which are usually eaten while viewing cherry blossom trees in the spring. They're sweet and thus extra unappetizing for Chihiro (he dislikes sweet foods and drinks in general).

Sojo initiates and eats a single dango. He begrudgingly accepts that Chihiro's view of Kunishige's legacy is legitimate.

As the conversation goes on, Chihiro accepts Sojo's interpretation in turn. Both of them are correct. And yet:

Chihiro painfully finishes his dango while Sojo is content to leave just the first one eaten. This is Chihiro being willing and able to swallow the whole truth and all it's implications, no matter how unpleasant the experience is. Meanwhile Sojo cares more about being the one with the "most correct" interpretation. Chihiro ended up getting more out of the conversation than Sojo did, which gave him the edge he needed to win the fight.

And that's the end of the Vs. Sojo arc. The food references aren't as common past this point, but they still show up to give some extra context in a few scenes.

Rakuzaichi Arc

Chapter 19

Hakuri's just a fuckin' mess dude- alone, insecure, and can't give himself any kind of reassurance. Given what what we can infer from his monologue, it's pretty obvious this guy is going through it and not coping as well as he thinks he is.

Chapter 26

Our spaghetti queen and parfait king share a meal to let us know that they're pretty comfortable with each other... though outsiders might not get what their deal is. It's casual and they chat like they've known each other for a while. Tafuku and Hiyuki's relationship is solid despite the yawning chasm between their personalities.

Once again Shiba's good intentions are turned down. At least Char is comfortable enough to let Team Goldfish know about her wants and needs now though!

Meanwhile, Hakuri isn't ready or willing to let anyone console him, but least we have better insight as to why he struggles to keep his shit together. Most people would- and we haven't even seen the worst of his circumstances yet.

Chapter 28

After a few days of encouragement from Chihiro and helping out, Hakuri finally lets himself be treated a little. He earned himself a bit of security and respite but is still uneasy, and thus quick to let the warm fuzzies go (hence passing the ice cream to Char instead of bringing it with him). Neither Chihiro nor Shiba have any themselves.

Chapter 35

Oh man. Oh boy. Time to really get into why Hakuri is the way he is. This could be a whole post by itself but I'll try to be brief. (Honest.)

Shout out to the KB Confession account on Twitter for letting me ramble in their inbox with that long-ass submission about how Hakuri relates to food in this series. I've reworked it poorly here (so much for being anonymous I guess).

Sazanami prison food looks better than what Char was getting, but it's not out of kindness- everything in this place exists for the Rakuzaichi. Hakuri obviously sees himself as no different. He threatens to keep Ice Lady alive no matter what she wants because that's his job; there's no affection or compassion involved when he provides her meals.

Ice Lady seems to want to genuinely connect with Hakuri though. Even when she fails to manipulate him, she keeps the offer of companionship open to him since she's empathetic to his situation.

It works as she thought it would, but maybe not as she hoped. We see him coming to trust and find comfort in her as she leaves less food behind each time, but she's unable to find the same in him. His insistence on their one-sided relationship through food only pushed Ice Lady further and further away despite her apparent growing affection for him. He got it all wrong because he didn't know any better. It's painful to love and be loved as a Sazanami- especially a worthless defect like him. Hakuri wasn't able to understand the ramifications of how fucked up his situation was until Ice Lady slit her throat in his face.

Up until this point, providing food was a positive thing- people connecting and usually finding comfort. At the bare minimum it allowed Chihiro and Sojo to understand each other before the end. But Hakuri inverted and distorted the meaning of sharing food with someone. His actions helped him break free from his family's grip by revealing that he doesn't know what it means to properly offer and reciprocate genuine human connection. So now Hakuri probably associates sharing food with being used and hurting other people.

That's why we haven't seen him share a meal with Team Goldfish or anyone else yet IMO. For all that he's attached himself to Chihiro, he still hasn't exchanged any food with him. Hakuri only trusts that Chihiro saw something worthwhile in in him, that through him there might be hope outside the cage after all. He's barely beginning to see himself as a useful tool. Once he gets to the probably not a horrible human being mindset is where we might see him be able to open up and try to share food again.

Chapter 43

The normal loving family that could have been, if not for Kyora and the clan's slavish devotion to the Rakuzaichi. It's sad but not suspicious that Mrs. Sazanami isn't included much in the meal- all signs from this chapter point to a joyless arranged marriage after all. Her not participating with her husband and sons speaks volumes about how distant and miserable she must have felt despite (presumably) making that spread. To provide care, comfort, and love while not being able to partake of it is all too common for mothers.

And so, another arc concludes with people sitting down to eat together despite some of them being doomed to die. And an exploding building. Gotta have both in Kagurabachi.

Kamunabi Arc

Chapter 45

Hey Chihiro, whatever happened to waking up with fresh hatred every morning? lmao

I love these goofs so much. It's just snacks on a coffee table, but it shows that Hiyuki and Tafuku have earned some level of trust from Team Goldfish. Shiba trusted them enough to supervise their stay in the same room as his sleeping nephews at least. And Char's already completely won over apparently. This manga does not miss on the found family wholesomeness.

Hiyuki might see the Kamunabi as a sort of family. At the very least, they're an important safety net for society as a whole. Hence us seeing the food again- protection and security.

So who and what will be next? Chihiro bonding with Hiyuki and Tafuku? Kazane turning someone's offer down? Chihiro, Hakuri, and some new coworkers chatting over lunch in the Kamunabi's cafeteria? I'm definitely going to be on the lookout! Until next time, Bachibros.

[sepublic]

            Tbh not a fan of how some people are so obsessed with framing Belos as some sympathetic, tragic character on account of his parallels with Luz, that they basically rob him of any and all agency to reduce Philip to some mindless follower of his puritan community, even in their explicit absence while having the support of Caleb, whose opinion he should prioritize if it was truly about what others have told him. This woobified take of some superstitious dingus/helpless child who can’t make any decisions for himself feels infantilizing and at odds with how Belos is actually portrayed in the show.

         Plus, the whole argument of “That’s how it was back then” in order to justify or at least explain Philip’s bigotry feels rather hollow, because like. Not only does Caleb (who was also a child not much older) exist, but this rationale was used to justify a lot of historical people’s pro-slavery attitudes, because “it was just normal” back then, so surely we can’t judge these people by modern standards, right? Especially not to replace a Confederate statue, right?

         (For the record, I highly doubt people who use this logic in regards to Belos are intentional about this comparison, I don’t think they made this connection and still went with it anyway.)

         Except people back in the day DID call this behavior out, there were always people opposing it, hence the existence of a character like Caleb. And this is a point that’s being raised a lot in regards to this subject about judging people of the past with contemporary values. Abolitionists existed just plenty in the past, and it’s their work that led to this social change over time.

         Plus, the framing of Philip as some superstitious Puritan who genuinely believed in his church’s teachings about sin, and is legitimately concerned for people’s souls, indirectly presents him as only needing a good argument and evidence to change his mind. Except we see how Philip is a highly intelligent, calculating individual who can figure people out like it’s nothing, extremely observant and approaching his analysis of the Demon Realm with a professionalism bordering on the scientific method.

         That scene in For the Future, where he’s confronted by alleged ghosts? I think it’s meant to support what the Titan clarifies in the next episode; That Belos KNOWS he’s wrong, that he’s just lying about it. The problem isn’t that he needs to realize this, it’s that he already has, but won’t admit this to himself to change his behavior in response. I doubt Philip truly believes there’s a God expecting something of everyone. And remember Grom, when Luz says “You’re not coming from a place of intellectual honesty, so debating you would be pointless!”

         Jacob Hopkins strays close to the Dudebro image that Luz directs this line at; And we see how he’s not actually driven by reasoning, but by a delusional need to be the hero. And Jacob’s comparisons to Belos need not be stated; A lot of fascists AREN’T approaching from a place of actual logic that can thus be reasoned with, hence why punching them is a necessity.

         It’s not as if they’re just working with faulty evidence that they’ve drawn a misguided conclusion from; They come in with a predisposed ‘conclusion’ they’ve already decided on, and then look only for the evidence to support it. Which is ironic, given what I said about Philip appearing to be someone who would use the scientific method in his studies, but bias is bias. It’s like how other races being inferior was made up to justify slavery as an economic boon; Rather than people naturally assuming other races to be inferior, and THEN making slavery as a result of that conclusion.

         The bigotry is all an intentional excuse made to justify an ulterior, power-hungry motive; Why else does Thanks to Them frame other witch hunters as just making things up about their neighbors to seize their property? And remember when I compared King James I of historical infamy to Philip, speculating that his real-life book on witchcraft may have influenced Philip’s diary from a writing perspective, if not an in-universe one as well? A lot of people speculate James didn’t necessarily believe in witches as a threat to humanity; He just latched onto them as a scapegoat to legitimize his power. Because if the agents of Hell see you as a threat, doesn’t that suggest you as divinely ordained?

         And I think that ties into Philip’s shallow understanding of the Demon Realm; These people are inherently evil, so if they do anything to hate or oppose him, it’s because Philip is actually an agent of Good, a divine hero, and all of these demons are some magical hivemind that uniformly collaborate to prioritize opposing Good. He’s every bully who needles and harasses a minority, and acts vindicated when they DO lash out, as the creator of a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

        And while there’s a lot to be said about not feeding the beast, sometimes you just HAVE to defend yourself, and not care about proving your worth to someone who isn’t approaching from a place of good faith, whose approval is meaningless, especially if it comes at the risk or even cost of your own safety. Hence all this real life discussion of queers and other minorities not having to be palatable to deserve rights.

         In the end, I see Philip Wittebane as akin to Walter White, of Breaking Bad fame; I’m sure he DID legitimately care about his family, to an extent. But if it really was just about them, and not the cheap thrill of some power fantasy, he’d have accepted the help given to him, instead of going on this ridiculous quest to accumulate strength so he can become the Biggest, Baddest person who can crush his enemies.

        And in his constant pursuit of that high, what concern for his family and others he might’ve had withers away into nothing; Until the Titan’s summation of Philip as someone who only believes in his delusional need to be the hero doesn’t just make sense from her in-universe perspective, but as a description with implied authorial backing. Family? That was just an excuse, but at least Walter White had the guts to admit this aloud to someone else.

[away-ward]

Original ask here.

I want to preface this by clarifying that I understand why people don’t like Will. I didn’t like Will the first time I read through the series. In preparing this, I’ve struggled with how to explain my feelings about him, because while I do understand where people are coming from, I can’t help but appreciate his story arc and character overall, especially when compared to the three other Horsemen. I’m not entirely sure how to bring all my thoughts together to coherently present to you why I don’t hate that he got the girl in the end.

Before we start, please know that I am not attempting to change your mind. This isn’t a persuasive essay. I’m just explaining my thoughts on Will’s story arc and characterization, and you are free to agree or disagree as you please.

Please note that below the cut is about 7k on why I like Will Grayson. If reading that would upset you, please feel free to skip. I’ll catch you on the next post. No worries.

If, however, you are down to inspect this little nut case from my overly enthusiastic perspective, hit the button. Now, on to the insanity.

The Anon asked me to focus on Will’s growth, but the problem with that is that I don’t think Will has a ton of growth within the series. At least not a straight, upward linear path. The order of the series, the overlapping timelines, can make it difficult to track his trajectory, but if we start from Will’s earliest point in the storyline, which would be in Nightfall, and follow it all the way through to the end, Will’s character declines, almost consistently. With each installment, he almost always becomes a worse person.

I know. Probably not the explanation you were expecting from a Will defender. Hold on, I’ll get there.

When looking at Will’s story overall, I think there’s one key characterization that readers should remember. And that’s: Will lies. I mean, all the boys lie, but Will lies to the reader, and he’s good at it. I think of all the other Horsemen, Kai might come close to having this skill to a degree. Still, I don’t think he’s as good at it as Will is. Will wears a mask that fools just about everyone he encounters, and it was this interpretation that had me reconsidering my original impression of him.

I didn’t love Will for most of the series. In fact, I hated him so much I nearly didn’t make it to Nightfall because what was the point. Will was mean and rude, and the constantly drunk thing was old. I didn’t care about him at all.

But then I met high school Will. I was mystified, and in wonderment about this charming boy who loved this one girl with his whole heart. He was so sincere toward Emory. He was difficult to swallow and a bit obtuse at times. Yet, my heart bled for them and the reasons they couldn’t be together; how much it hurt him to lose her and how he didn’t understand.

It was impossible to reconcile Will from high school to Will in the present. They were not the same person. When I finally gathered the bits of my shattered heart off the floor, I went back through the series and read just Will’s scenes to try and make some sense of what happened. I first concluded that PD didn’t know what they were doing, because they unintentionally wrote two different characters. Will in Corrupt, Hideaway, and Kill Switch was not the same character in Nightfall. End of story. I brushed my hands off, ready to let it go.

However, I found that didn’t sit right with me. There had to be a reason. And this may be where my projections and head canons for Will start to take over. Where I see what I want to see and have no problem with that because at the end of the day, I just want to enjoy myself and my ship.

When I read through the scenes again, with the understanding that Will was lying in most of the scenes he’s in, I began to see three different versions of the character, each with their own motives and priorities. However, I don’t see all versions as authentic – the “real” Will. Again, he’s lying or wearing a mask to cover up his deepest thoughts and feelings.

In the original Will post, I did a fair job summarizing Will’s high school life. We know he’s wealthy; the grandson of a senator, the youngest son of one of the wealthiest families in the country; he was raised in an affluent area, surrounded by people just like him. It seems that his older brothers are probably a good number of years older than him, and so the family member closest in age would have been his younger cousins, Misha and Annie.

He says that he was his parent’s good boy, and that his mother always sought his company, but Damon says he caused them trouble. This leads me to believe that Will’s parents spoiled him. He is their baby, after all. At the same time, I think he was probably generous with them as well. Will says that he had a Doris Day marathon when his mom asked, and he also came back to Thunder Bay for her when all he wanted was to stay away, so it seems that Will went out of his way to please her.

Damon says that Will’s house was his favorite. I’ve head-canoned that this is because the Grayson’s are genuinely a loving, happy family, and this is what allows Will to make it to high school with the sort of levity he has.

Will likes a good time, and he likes being mischievous. In high school, he finds friends who have similar tastes, and then there’s no limit. The Horsemen are privileged enough to avoid punishment no matter what they do. Will has everything he feels that he needs, except for one thing. But as I said before, he’s also delusional enough to think it’s only a matter of time before Emory gives into him.

I liked this side of Will. See, this Will, while obnoxious at times, is kind. He’s not always nice, but in general he’s kind. In Hideaway, when Damon knocks Banks off her bike, Will stops along with Kai and calls Damon an asshole for it. In Kill Switch, when Winter gets pushed into the boy’s locker room, and the rest of the boys are taking advantage of her blindness, Will approaches to make sure she’s okay.

Will said it himself. He likes being nice. Being mean is not his default, and in fact, it takes a lot of pushing to get him there. We don’t know how long Martin had been pulling him over before Will started pranking him. And that’s where he began – small, and what he thought were funny, harmless pranks.

After Emory leaves him, he tries to ignore her, but he can’t. He’s still obsessed. He still watches her, and eventually he’s able to piece the puzzle together. I’m uncertain how long it took him to figure it out, but it doesn’t seem like it mattered. Emory had made her feelings clear, and he wasn’t going to continue throwing the dignity he had left out the window. He graduates from high school and all his friends go to different colleges. Much like Damon, Will isn’t good alone, and without his support system he starts to spiral out of control.

When people complain about Will, I often wonder if they realize Will hated himself too. No one’s saying anything he wouldn’t have agreed with, if he were being honest.

Getting into the past scenes in Corrupt, he seems the same as before. He’s loud, flashy, eager to party. He’s quick to tease, he’s not really being mean. Unlike Damon, he doesn’t mind that Michael is bringing Rika along. Like Kai, he’s seen this coming for a while, and it’s going to begrudge Michael his chance.

The Gazebo scene is a break from his usual demeanor. Will’s sudden shift is such a shock, that a lot of us found it to be the most compelling scene in the whole novel. Of course, right after that, he’s back to being loud. He deems Rika their Monster, plays air guitar, and gives her a lap dance. And by the end of the night, he’s black out drunk. So drunk that he doesn’t even know Damon has put him in the back seat of Michael’s car and is plotting with Trevor.

I think, at this point, it’s impossible to ignore the effect that seeing the completed gazebo had on him. Will was going to get drunk regardless, but I wonder if he would have gotten that drunk. From what we can tell, his drinking has increased over time in both frequency and amount. However, this was a special occasion – a reunion with his friends, and I think he planned to spend the night getting drunk with them, not before them. But then Michael was distracted with Rika, Damon had his own things going on, and now… the gazebo.

The following morning he’s arrested. As he sits in that room, aware the cop he assaulted is watching him, aware that it’s his fault the video exists and that he took his mask off, he’s as equally unaware that Emory has come to save him.

I image Will feels the burden for everything he’s done. I bet it stings, as he sits in that chair, knowing whenever the subject of Emory Scott comes up, he loses all sense of control. He can't help it. Meanwhile, she probably doesn’t even think about him anymore, having a great life at Berkley.

He doesn’t know why, but his family convinces him it’s better to plead guilty so that his sentence is lowered. Two and a half years of his life gone. His 21st birthday is spent in prison. Kai’s and Damon’s, too. Kai gets his degree, but he feels shame in it. Damon’s in solitary, his sentence longer. While he has nothing to do with Damon’s video, I think he still takes the blame for leading his friends to Martin.

Michael comes up with the plan for revenge as a way to keep them together. He needed a way to keep them from losing themselves, and keep that fire burning inside them until they're free to ride again.

And this is the end of the first version of Will. And in my opinion, this is the most authentic version of Will. This is who he is when he’s not trying to fool anyone. He cares deeply about his friends, his family, and Emory. He wants her to care about him, too, but he doesn’t want to force her to love him.

I’m not going to say he didn’t deserve what he got. As it was stated in Nightfall, Emory didn’t owe him her heart just because he wanted it. It wouldn’t have mattered if he did everything right, and she still didn’t want him. I think readers might be more sympathetic towards him if he had done things the “right” way. However, that he didn’t do things the right way doesn't change the fact that his motives for Emory were out of sincerity, and that’s why I think this is the most authentic version.

 Will is different when he comes out from prison. He’s impatient, more careless, and less trusting. When he teases, there’s a bitter edge to it. He genuinely wants to scare and hurt Rika. He’s angry.

Weird head-canon here, but I think Kai was the one who came up with the idea for the dagger and the note, Damon was the one who had the idea to get Christiane out of the way by sending her to rehab, and Will was the one who burned the Fane house down, though I may be forgetting if that was established. Correct me if I’m wrong. I just feel the fire and impulsivity of it goes along with Will’s anger. I also think it’s interesting that Will later moves into that same house with Emory after they pay to have it rebuilt.

Anyway, after the dust settles and Rika’s proven innocent, Will is shown to be able to quickly shift the way he thinks about her. He’s the first one to apologize, and he asks her if she’d like a drink in a “gentle voice.” When Michael tries to put Rika in her place, Will sits quietly, though she expects him to laugh. He's not finding this funny right now.

Michael starts the party. Will flies Alex down, but doesn’t seem to be paying a large amount of attention to her, since she complains that he left her to the high school guys. It seems his idea is the more, the merrier, and he’s not going out of his way for her. Again, it seems he’s just being nice and including as many people as possible because that’s what he’s known for. The next time he’s mentioned is the next morning when he’s dealing with a hangover.

He’s definitely taking this time to blow off some steam. Remember, he thought he was going to be getting his revenge on Rika for her betrayal. However, he was forced to talk about why he went to prison, forced to discuss Emory, and betrayed by Damon. Not the night he planned.

After this, Will is the most determined to get revenge on Trevor and Damon. He insists that it must happen soon, and that everyone needs to be on board, including Rika. Will’s sense of right and wrong is largely based on loyalty, so to him, Rika needs to get hers too for everything to be made right.

I thought it was interesting that Will is seen driving frequently, which to me tells me he wasn’t drinking regularly at this time. I doubt Kai or Michael would allow him to drive, especially with Rika in the car, if he were constantly drunk or hungover.

We all know what happened on the Pithom, and how Damon attempting to kill him would have affected him, so I think we can skip to what’s going on with him in Hideaway.

Hideaway is a weird period for Will. Michael and Rika are engaged, and Kai has secluded himself across town in the White Hall district and his focus is on finding Damon. He lives at Delcour and works at Graymor Cristane, but he’s left out of a lot of their conversations. Kai notes that he’s been “misbehaving” since Damon left, but it’s unclear what that means exactly. I understand that he’s been drinking more and getting into harder drugs, but what trouble has he caused? Regardless, it’s clear that Michael and Kai have been trying to manage him, so to speak. But their way of managing him causes more friction. It’s probably because Michael and Kai have much a much stricter approach to his habits. While their solution to the problem is to find Damon to give Will his revenge, I wonder if they’d actually worked with him on his addictions and communicated, if Will would have been able to recover sooner.

But they’re men who don’t want to appear weak by communicating or showing any kind of vulnerability. What can you do?

I think when Will is left alone, his thoughts circle back to Emory eventually, and this contributes to the cycle of his addictions. He’ll do anything to make the pain stop. Will wants to be comforted. He needs it, too, after everything he’s just gone through. However, with Michael and Kai distracted, Will only has one other person to turn to, and it just so happens that Alex also lives at Delcour, making it even easier for him to have access to her. I’ve spoken about how his relationship with her changed during the time jump between Corrupt and Hideaway, and I think this might have had something to do with it.

When Will speaks, though, he’s back to being rude and cutting, especially with Banks. There was one scene I found particularly interesting, and that’s when he’s trying to mock her virginity. Banks snaps back at him, and it seemingly shuts him up.

On the surface, this appears to prove that Banks is tough and witty, and that Will can’t beat her with sheer cockiness. But like I said before, being mean isn’t his default. He doesn’t like it, and I don’t think it comes naturally to him. At the same time, the fandom loves to compare Banks and Emory for their similarities. Dark hair, not traditionally girly, sarcastic, tough, having gone through difficult things at a young age which left them with a critical view of the world? Banks response to him much the same way Emory would, and unlike the girls he usually finds himself surrounded by.

Is it possible that Will was able to pick up on these similarities, too?

I also wanted to touch on the scene where Banks reveals what she knows to Michael and Will. You can tell me if I’m off my rocker or not, because this may be a very different view of the situation, but I don’t want to ignore the possible meaning.

Banks tells Michael that Will can’t go five minutes without reaching for a bottle, and that he’s being hounded by Martin again. This is supposed to tell us how much information Banks has; she knows things even Michael doesn’t know, and they’re happening right under his nose.

She calls Martin a “child-abuser” but as we know, Martin has abused his power in other ways. He was going to rape a sixteen-year-old before Will, Kai, and Damon stopped him. It’s not clear if she knows about Emory’s history yet.

Will defends himself with Michael, but then the subject is dropped. No more thought into why Will is acting this way. This is odd behavior for Will, because we know that Will doesn’t do things alone, so why is he trying to handle Martin without Michael or Kai?

Banks is looking at everyone closely, but this information is only surface level. It's what you’d get by watching people and tracking patterns. It seems more likely to me that she’s installed cameras to keep track of multiple locations and reviews the footage, versus her staking out each of the Horsemen in rotation. I think she’s gathered information, but doesn’t know quite know what it all means. She’s also strategic in a way, but in this case, only when it relates to Michael and Kai. Damon’s likely told her certain things about Will that aren’t entirely true, like when he told Rika Will is too stupid to add two plus two. That’s an exaggeration, of course, but the implication is that Will is stupid. It’s possible Banks is underestimating him.

It’s supposed to appear that Will can’t fool Banks, but he has. She doesn’t think deeply about what’s going on with him beyond the surface, trying to determine what’s causing him to act out and how it could potentially affect his future behavior, which is a variable she should want to know. And even later, in the following years when Will is spiraling even farther, and he disappears, Banks doesn’t seem to have any extraordinary insight into why.

So, either Banks is not as insightful as she seems, and is just good at gathering information, which doesn’t feel entirely true, though I am willing to consider this aspect of her personality has been exaggerated. To me, it’s more likely that Will is very good at keeping his true thoughts and feelings behind a mask that even Banks can’t see around.

Anyway, again, I may be looking at this from a different angle, and I hope I'm not pissing-off Banks’ fans, but I thought it was interesting. Remember, I’m not implying that she isn’t smart. Only that Will might not be as dumb as we think he is. Regardless, I personally would have preferred if in Kill Switch she continued pushing him and could see the cracks in his lies that the others were missing.

In the last half of Hideaway, Will comes around as Kai’s feelings for her become more evident. This is like what happened with Rika, though he is a bit slower this time around. He has less to feel guilty about and less of a personal connection with Banks, so I don’t think much of it. He still tries to be kind to her in some ways, and it makes me think that the times he was being mean was because he was covering up other feelings. I’ll point out again that Banks has a personal connection to Damon and could possibly remind him of Emory in certain ways; Banks also calls him out for hiding things, which might give him a moment to fear she’s seeing too much. He has reasons to be weary around her, but even then, when she asks him for help, he’s right there dog-nabbing with her.

And I can’t help but think that this is because, at his truest, best self, he is a kind person who wants the people he cares about to be happy. Despite everything, he’s allowed Banks to enter this circle.

This also got me thinking that everyone sees Will as the happy one. He’s jubilant, for sure, but I don’t think he’s truly happy. So it’s interesting to me that he would still care and go out of his way to make sure his friends get their happy endings, to make sure they have what they want and need, that they see “justice” served for them, but he doesn’t try to go for it himself.

Before getting into Kill Switch, I want to address another side thought, because it might become relevant later, and I’m not sure where it fits best.

I’ve noticed this trend in the Anon’s asks that people are mad at Will for a variety of reasons, but one that gets mentioned that I just can’t wrap my head around is that he never reached out to Emory in the time between his release and Blackchurch. This one is a difficult topic for me to respond to because I feel that Will not reaching out to her, for whatever reason, was the right decision for both he and Emory.

For three years in high school, Emory told him no and pushed him away. She said yes for one night, but then pushed him away again. From there, all he knew was that there was a secret between her and Damon, but he figured out about the abuse on his own. He continued watching her and thinking about her; even as he tried to ignore her, he couldn’t.

Looking at it from Will’s point of view, Will knew he loved Emory. He tried being honest and open with her. He revealed his heart to her, thought he’d made it clear that he was willing to do anything for her, but some reason she wasn’t going to trust him. Even when she had left Martin and was out of his control, she still didn’t clarify anything with Will. I don’t know what other conclusion Will was supposed to draw other then she didn’t want his help, and that she didn’t love him.

At the point that Will’s been released from prison, Emory is an adult and she’s out of immediate danger. If she cared, if she was angry, if she had any thoughts for Will at all, she knew where to find him. He had been at the same address for two years. In his mind, it must have seemed like Emory was communicating loud-and-clear: she wanted nothing to do with him. And he couldn’t keep forcing himself into her life; the constant rejection hurt too much. He’d take the loss and pretend like it wasn’t killing him.

Overall, he wasn’t in the state of mind to have a productive conversation with her, and they both would have come away more hurt.

This is not to say that I think Will was aware he was respecting Emory’s wishes, or that that’s what he was intending to do. I think Will was trying to ignore her because he was in pain, because his pain had caused problems for his friends, and because thinking of her caused more pain. But he was indirectly respecting the signs Emory had given him. At no point since homecoming night had Emory given him a green light to interact with her, and he kept his distance. I can’t hate him for that.

Disclaimer before anyone gets mad: Expecting Emory to make those kinds of decisions is expecting way more than he should. I agree with the decisions Emory made. At seventeen, Will had too much hubris, as a lot of young adults do, especially those who come from privileged backgrounds. It takes some experience and humility to look back and identify where you were wrong, and even then, you need to be clear-headed enough to accept it without being angry. Getting out of prison, Will had neither experience, humility, nor a clear head.

And I bring this up now because one, I think this is one of the small ways that Will does show some growth, and two, it’s related to the level of his happiness.

Which, going into Kill Switch, is at an all-time low.

Damon is back. We know that he’s reached out to taunt Will. I think this has caused his character to decline the farthest it’s been at this point. You see, he appears to be nice to Winter, but the truth is he has no real interest in her. Winter is the way to get to Damon because Will knows she is Damon’s ultimate target. He knows Winter is different, and that’s the key Will intends to use to get his revenge. Planning this on his own might be the most devious thing he's done.

His dynamic with Winter is a bit different from what it was with Banks. Winter’s already in with their group because she’s been around for a few years, and they’re somewhat familiar with her. She’s also a “friend” of Rika’s, and in fact it’s Rika’s idea to send Will into to help Winter train. I wondered if Rika had asked both Kai and Will to help, and Will was the one who accepted because of Damon. It could have also been that Kai was just busier and Will had more free time, but whatever.  

While he’s somewhat kind in his direct dealings with Winter, he’s also mean to her. The way he speaks about her to goad Damon outside the pool house, regardless of if he believes his words or not, proves he has ulterior motives. Also, the way he forcibly kisses her when she’s leaving Michael and Rika’s home as a desperate move to hurt Damon, shows a lack of consideration and respect for Winter. It’s worth noting that he goes this far after Damon brought up Emory in the pool house, but it’s up to you whether you think it’s connected.

Again, I can’t help but think this lashing out is… a mask. He hides his true thoughts and feelings under a mask, sometimes of cruelty, which he learned from watching his friends, and sometimes of happiness, the kind he used to have when things were better. And I think to face Damon, he felt he had to be cruel. What he found was that even his false cruelty was nothing against Damon’s genuine viciousness. He couldn’t compete, and if he were being honest, he didn’t want to.

We see a shift in the way Will begins to treat Winter in the last half of the story, when things are coming together for the group. It seems that at the first chance he gets to start being kind, he goes back to his default.

Because he never wanted to be mean in the first place.

This ends the second version of Will. I like to think that this is the least authentic version of him; or at least the one farthest away from who he’d like to be, and that he’s behaving in a way that doesn’t come naturally to him. I believe he’s acting this way because he’s in pain, not because this is who he is in his heart.

Looking at the life Will has experienced for the past few years, it’s interesting to me that at this point, Will seems to be in the best situation he’s been in for a while. With Damon back, he has the strength and willingness to stop using drugs. To me, this was a sign that he was starting to heal, and if he continued going in this direction, things would have only improved. Will was tired of himself, tired of dragging his friends down, and tired of feeling dead to the world, and this was the first step in the right direction.

I also think this is the first time he had women in his life who were friends and not nameless girls he could bed and forget, and this helps him to start to develop actual ideas of what it means to truly love someone. As he witnesses the things his friends are willing to do for their women, I can’t help but wonder if he’s started to reflect on the way he handled Emory. Again, we have no way of knowing, but it wouldn’t make sense if it didn’t come up sometimes. He also has Alex, who has her own heart break and way of masking her pain, but genuinely seems happy for his company despite all the problems he has. Which, unfortunately, Emory never got the chance to do, though we know she would have.

He’s getting the help he needs; business is moving forward. This is probably the time he finds Coldfield, buys it, and designs it himself. Coldfield is also where he parks the bus from homecoming night, which he somehow managed to secure, showing he’s still thinking about Emory in some capacity.

Who knows, maybe once he was fully sober and free of his vices, he would have reached out to Emory and tried to reconnect. Maybe once he felt like he had something to offer her, or a way to fight for her, or that he could stand a chance. Maybe, for the first time in years, Will is hopeful for the future.

He never got that far, though, because it was at this time that he was made aware of the document Emory signed.

Will says he went to Blackchurch for a few different reasons, but mainly because he knew he’d need the extra help getting sober. It couldn’t be just his friends; they were too generous with him. More than that, he wanted to be done with all of it, the drugs, the alcohol, and the women.

He also wanted to be able to bring something more to the table. This makes sense, in a way. Michael and Rika were brought their college degrees and inheritances, with a clear future already set. Kai and Banks, as well, had Sensou and the empire she inherited from Gabriel. With or without an inheritance, Damon was a force to be reckoned with. They were also starting families and planning their futures, and what did Will have? He knew Misha wouldn’t be interested, and his family was becoming more saddened with his lack of direction, though they'd never cut him off. He had no drive and nothing to be better for.

However, without the drugs and alcohol to numb his pain, Will is an open wound. Personality wise, he’s stripped bare, with nothing left to cover up the parts of him that are bleeding. Being in a nearly abandoned forest with no connection to the outside world might have served the purpose of helping him to sooth his anger. That being said, Will still isn’t dealing with the source of his pain. Locked on that island, he has no reason to; it’s not like Emory can just drop in out of the blue, right?

Yeah…

And again, there’s nothing to prove this, but I wouldn’t put it past Aydin to identify Will right away and decided to “help” him break down those walls he’s built up to keep his pain from ravaging him, and then wait for the perfect time to bring in the source of that pain just to see what happens. Aydin knows Emory is salt on Will’s wounds. Seeing her burns him like nothing else, and he has no way of covering it up. He’s given up those tools and hasn’t developed any coping skills. All he has is his cruelty to keep from falling apart. But again, it's false cruelty meant to hide what he is truly feeling.

As mean as Will is with his words, the actions he takes show that he still cares deeply, despite what he believes Emory thinks of him. It’s because, even after all this time, that he still cares about her that makes him so angry. But I think his anger is more directed at himself than at her, though it’s her he lashes out at.

It's interesting, though, that before Emory showed up, he’d already garnered the friendship of Micah and Rory through act so kindness. I’m reminded that being kind is what comes naturally to him. He just doesn’t want Emory to see it. He's protecting that part of himself from her. I think he believes if she sees it, she'll see how pathetic he is because of how much he still loves her, and that would slice him open even more.

In Nightfall, Will ponders over the reality of him pursuing Emory for revenge, and there’s an edge of doubt to his thoughts. This indicated to me that there originally was a part of him that intended to get sober just so he could seek her out, but that once he was in Blackchurch, he started to reach some clarity. Still, he's not prepared for her to show up, and so he is incredibly defensive with her. He doesn’t go out of his way to protect her, but he doesn’t want to see her hurt at someone else’s hands.

He tells Aydin he wants her gone, and Aydin accurately surmises that what Will wants is for her to be safe.

When Aydin spikes her soup and Emory tells the story of the day she got drunk at school, Will wonders if he saw her that day. And when she tries to drink again later, he prevents her because he knows what it’s like to lose himself, and he won’t let her do that.

The way that Will treats Emory when they get off the train feels like he’s starting to revert to his old self, but not the Will that he was before Blackchurch. The person he was before he went to prison. Though he is slightly different.

In high school, Will told Emory he would hurt anybody for her. I don’t think Will included himself when he said that. In fact, the actions he took when he was hurt by Emory, and the blame he placed on her for his pain, prove he wasn’t willing to hurt for her.

However, this Will is. He burns down the Cove because it’s time to move forward. The Cove was dead, and the Horsemen were always planning on tearing it down. They were just waiting on Will, who was still hung on up it because it was his last good memory of Emory.  

He also tells Emory he loves her, but he’ll let her go.

This is a Will who understands that when he says he’ll do anything for her, that has to include things that might hurt him. And it’s this willingness to let go that tells Emory he’s a safe place to land. He’s not going to try and trap her or control her or leave her when he's done, like she feared he would before. He left the choice with her in the fullest sense, and that’s what she wanted.

Will is able to show he loves her in the way that matters to her, not to himself, which is the standard he set in high school. This is his most significant change, though it's very small.

Like I said, I don’t think Will experienced a ton of “growth” throughout the story. I think Will in high school was the best of him, and from the point that we meet him in Corrupt to the present scenes in Nightfall, his character experienced a sharp decline in quality, but I also don’t think that everything we see from him is “true.” I think he’s lying to protect himself, and people who are in pain do awful things.

Returning from Blackchurch with a clear head of what he needs to do is when he starts turning around. I believe that that Will could eventually become someone that his high school-self could not only be proud of but impressed by. I also believe this version of Will is going to fair surpass who he would have been if prison had never happened.

The problem, all of that would happen after the book ends. At the point where the series ends, Will still has a lot of work to do, and it’s not going to be easy. But I see a return of his natural patience and inclination to be kind helping him greatly.

As an example, when Emory was talking of buying her old house, he thought it was a bad idea because of all the memories it held. Emory explains her reasons, and he listens, he nods, and simply agrees. He doesn’t continue to push for his way, like he did in high school. He understands that Emory knows what she wants and what’s best for her. He’s capable of change, and we know he’ll always want to be better for Emory.

This is what I see when I read his story. I don’t think his story is as sad as Emory’s by any means. Will caused a lot of his own problems, he moped and wallowed, and he made several bad decisions. Despite the fact that cruelty isn’t his default, he is still very capable of being as cruel as any of the guys, and he displays that in a variety of ways. I try to reason on, not excuse his behavior. But seeing him this way is what helps me to think that he and Emory are going to have a wonderful life together, that Emory is going to be happy with him, which of course, is my goal.

It would have been nice if Will had done all that work before reuniting with Emory. Maybe there is an alternate universe where he never gets that document Emory signed, gets sober, quits his vices, gets some therapy and heals before he goes to see her in San Francisco, just to apologize. They can take off from there on some sweet, second chance rom-com. Who knows.

Point is, he didn’t do the work before Emory was thrust back into his life, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t ever do the work. People don’t think that Will deserves Emory, which is funny to me because they say it as if Will thinks he deserves Emory. I think more than anyone, Will is aware he’s married so far out of his league, and he can only hope that she continues to think he’s worth it for some reason.

Now, I know this might not have meant anything to you. If you hate Will, you hate Will and that’s fine. But I think if we’re going to believe that Michael, Kai, and Damon have done enough to be “redeemed” according to PD, then Will would have done those things too if there’d been time. Although, I don’t want to see what those things would have been; I prefer my own version, thank you.

I’ll take this moment to answer some of the complaints I get regarding Will’s behavior and why they don’t bother me as much as they seem to bother others.

Will and Alex sleeping together; Will sleeping around in general.

I don’t care what type of relationship Will had with Alex because neither of them were in a committed relationship. They didn’t have anyone to answer to. They were two adults engaging in a relationship with dynamics they both agreed on. Will didn’t owe Emory celibacy, just as Emory didn’t owe Will anything. On that note, other than Alex, we don’t know if Will’s sexual habits changed greatly from when he was in high school. In Corrupt, Michael says that he buried himself in women the first few weeks he was out, but then it’s not really commented on again.

He also wasn’t forbidden from falling in love with someone new, either.

Now, I don’t believe Will ever developed romantic feelings for anyone, Alex included. I also don’t believe Alex had any romantic notions towards Will. I think they loved each other, but not that way. As I mentioned, Will used sex to comfort and soothe himself, the same way Damon used sex to control.

The truth is, Emory Scott has owned Will’s heart and mind since she was thirteen years old, and there was nothing neither of them could do about it. Will had to drink and drug himself into oblivion just to stop thinking about her. He eventually got to a point where he didn’t want to do that any longer. Not even Alex’s charm was enough to make him stay.

He used Alex to make Emory jealous.

Yeah.

And in the past scenes when she didn’t do what he wanted, he told her she could be replaced easily, even though he didn’t want to do that. Honestly, that hurts me more than the Alex thing. It’s so mean.

But look at him! In the nearly ten years they’d been separated he has one thing that would get a rise out of Emory. And that thing is not that he’s had a lot of sex. It’s that he fulfilled the fantasies he developed for Emroy with someone else.

It shouldn’t be the burn that he thinks it is. He’s basically telling on himself. Emory gets jealous, but I want to be like, babe, he still has all the same fantasies from high school… he’s still thinking of you. This man is obsessed and has not stopped thinking about you for ten years. Take the win.

It’s pathetic that he uses the idea of another woman to make her angry, but it’s also the only thing he’s got. It only works because Emory loves him.

He’s being mean, but it’s out of desperation, and that’s just sad.

He’s a horrible person.

You could count the redeeming characters in this series on one hand. I don’t know what to say. That’s the series.

But here’s some reasons I like him:

He didn’t deny that he was the one that needed to change, and took steps to make those changes before Emory was back in his life. He wasn’t successful, but he started.

He returned to college when he had every reason not to, even though he hated school and was embarrassed to be so much older than most of the other students.

He also was the only one who adopted a dog from Banks, and I’m going to give him extra points for that.

He seems to be a decent father who loves the mother of his children.

I can’t remember any of the other complaints at this moment, I could go look, but I’m sure someone will remind me soon enough.

If you made it this far, you deserve a treat. Let me know if you decide to treat yourself. I’d give you one, but all I’ve got are hugs and head pats. Let me know if there was anything here that changed your view, even if it was only one aspect. Or let me know if I’m completely insane. I’ll accept that, too.  

This was fun. Take care!

-KO

[twistedtummies2]

Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes - Number 12

Welcome to A Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes! During this month-long event, I’ll be counting my Top 31 Favorite Fictional Detectives, from movies, television, literature, video games, and more!

SLEUTH-OF-THE-DAY’S QUOTE: “There’s an old saying: ‘Don’t change anything. Ever.’”

Number 12 is…Adrian Monk, from Monk.

“Monk” premiered in 2002, at a time when I often feel good old-fashioned detective shows were on their way out, at least in the United States. Classic series like “Murder, She Wrote” and “Columbo” were nearing the end of their respective runs, and more and more people were gravitating towards what might be termed crime drama rather than Whodunnit storylines and Sherlock-Holmes-esque antics. With that said, it’s remarkable that Monk lasted as long as it did. The show ran for seven full years of straight television airtime, and was even briefly revitalized for a TV movie spin-off just last year: proof that the show’s legacy has not faded away, even after it ended nearly 15 years prior. Considering the final episode of the series broke the world record for the most viewings in cable television history at the time (a record which has, I should clarify, since been surpassed), it’s clear the series struck a chord with audiences.

I think a big part of the reason why comes from the title character: Adrian Monk himself. Monk is one of the funniest and most interesting detective characters in television history, in my opinion. He was a very different kind of sleuth, some would argue, compared to many popular detectives of the past. The humor of Monk, you see, is different from that of characters like the aforementioned Columbo or Sherlock Holmes. In those cases, these were characters who, for better or worse, everyone knew could get the job done. If they did have a silly side, it was usually either a façade to hide their inner steel, or it came from their own passions creating chaos for those around them. Monk is slightly in the latter category, but in a different way. Monk, you see…is a man who lives in fear of his own shadow. And I don’t think I mean that entirely figuratively. Sometime before the start of the series, you see, he lost his wife in a mysterious car bombing incident. The event caused an already mentally fragile Adrian to have a complete nervous breakdown, and he still hasn’t quite come out of it. As a result, Adrian Monk has become a man who is paranoid about just about everything around him. He’s a hypochondriac, has severe OCD, and his mind contains more phobias than you can really list in any concise way. Some are rational, but many are completely unfounded. He’s scared of snakes, needles, heights, enclosed spaces…even MILK he looks at with a sense of dread. Milk, I say! And that’s just to name a few!

The humor of Monk, as a result, comes from watching this man battle his own constant fear of the UNIVERSE, as he panics his way through every situation, fretting and fussing and cowering even as he scopes out scenes and picks out clues. It’s not surprising that his enemies underestimate him or that others around him get annoyed, because he’s not just pretending to be a buffoon: he’s legitimately just a constant wreck! However, through all the goofiness this setup presents – and there is a LOT of goofiness to be found – Monk is NOT an idiot. All of his overwhelming fears and nervous habits come from a very sad and fundamentally broken place, and there are times, throughout the series, where Monk shows not only a tragic vulnerability, but also a sort of inner fire and strength. When the situation calls for it, Adrian can be brought out of his shell, and shows there’s a lot more to him than just a whimpering clown. I think this is the crux of what makes the character so much fun to watch: we know he isn’t faking all this lunacy, but we also know that, at the end of the day, Monk will make the right choice, and will find some way of bringing the criminals involved in any case to justice. Many actors were considered for the role of Monk, a lot of them really big names. Some include Alfred Molina, Stanley Tucci, and the late John Ritter. In the end, the role went to Tony Shalhoub, who was sort of an actor-on-the-rise at the time. It was Monk that made Shalhoub recognized nationwide, however, and is the role he is likely best known for to this day. It’s not hard to see way: Shalhoub handles every scene absolutely perfectly, making Adrian just as sympathetic and heroic as he is absolutely ridiculous. The result is one of the most wonderfully comedic, but still competent and fascinating, characters in detective fiction, in my opinion. From battles with Tim Curry to solving the case of his late wife’s murder to trying to figure out if he’s scared of blankets or not (yes, really), Adrian Monk may not be the bravest of super sleuths…but he's certainly one of the greatest.

Tomorrow, the countdown continues with Number 11!

CLUE: “It really is very dangerous to believe people. I never have for years.”

[cbrownjc]

Why is Louis re-doing the interview?

I know that is a question many people are still asking. If Armand hates this whole interview thing, why is he allowing it? Why is Louis doing it? 

And honestly? I think Daniel answered it in that final scene. And it’s very simple: 

Louis just needed someone to talk to. 

I know. That answer isn’t tied into something really big or some grand conspiracy or anything. 

But I really feel that it is the main heart of this. That one simple thing. It isn’t an interview. It is all just Louis needing someone to talk to. That’s it. That’s all. 

We know that Louis didn’t go to Miss Lily all the time for sex. He went to her mainly to talk. 

And Daniel is Louis’ new Miss Lily. It all started back in 1973. And it went on long past that one night in San Fransisco, too, IMO. (The hints are there). And now, Daniel has basically been summoned back to Louis to be that again. (Daniel is unaware, of course, because, yeah, missing memories.)  

Louis and Lestat’s main problem was always a lack of communication. Louis not being able to really talk to Lestat as openly as he did when Louis was still human. And Lestat misinterpreting things about Louis because of that. 

And even though they can read each other minds, the communication between Louis and Armand isn’t honest either. Not when it comes to Louis’ trauma and memories. The pages cut from Claudia’s diary with a ruler that paint more than a not-so-nice feeling toward Louis from her. Him immediately trying to shut things down when Daniel began really challenging the narrative Louis was telling. 

Armand has very much helped in the construction of this new narrative. But he’s not outside of it. He is a part of the narrative of the events of this story (as we will see in full in S2).

Louis needed to talk to someone who was outside of it all. Just like Miss Lily was for him. (And how I feel younger Daniel was for him for a long time too. I’m sorry, you just do not call someone “our boy” if you only met them once.) Because we also saw in that final scene what Louis is like when he’s faced with any real truth that contradicts that built narrative. 

I don’t think Armand is BS-ing that Louis wants to end his un-life. Armand is a manipulative, controlling, crazy little freak, yes. But no. I don’t think he was lying about that. Hence allowing this whole thing to take place. 

So, re-enter Daniel. 

But Daniel isn’t the same green boy he was back in 1973 when it comes to this. He’s much more experienced now. And was able to crack right through that new narrative Louis had built - with Armand’s help - in a matter of days. 

Because that’s what it mainly is, a narrative. Not in any way “truth and reconciliation.” 

It’s a NEW set narrative to replace the OLD set narrative Louis had back in 1973. 

Daniel said it himself in EP1. The first interview wasn’t an interview so much as a “fever dream.” Louis himself called that first 1973 interview a performance in EP3. 

And this second re-do interview isn’t an interview either. It, too, has been a performance. 

Just as before, there will probably be no book published from this. Or if there is, it’ll probably only have an audience of one. Louis himself. Just as the tapes of the first interview did for almost 50 years.

Both “interviews” were performances of narratives that Louis has been telling himself to deal with the realities of what he’s done and the deep emotional trauma of his life even before he was turned.   

[stagemanagerssaygo]

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney’s Hyperion Theater

by Cooper Howell

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney's Hyperion Theater. #holdingtheateraccountable Im just gonna go ahead and be straight up. This is pretty scary to share. HEAVEN: Once upon a time Liesl Tommy cast me as Prince Hans in Frozen: Live at the Hyperion. And I was gooped. GOOPED. There was nothing in my prior history that gave any indication this was possible. Up until then every role I played had to do with my race. Every. Single. One. And even ones where it didn’t (Shakespeare or classical pieces mostly) I was always made aware that the novelty of me being a poc in that role that gave me the part. So much did I not expect to get this part that when I got the callback I rolled my eyes and didn’t take the actual callback seriously. I mean, there was a zero percent chance that Disney would ever let me play a Prince, especially when the dude in the movie is a ginger. But then I got it. And immediately everything I thought was possible about my career changed. My whole life I’ve never inwardly felt black. I’ve never inwardly felt white. I’ve always felt like I was Cooper, you know, on the inside. But whether it was every single white human in Utah reminding me that I was “the whitest person they ever knew/saw” (which DIDNT mean how white my skin was. It was how white I ACTED) or Mr. Johnson, my 7th grade drama teacher, telling me that he “wanted to put Velcro on the ceiling to see if I’d stick” or Mr. Smith, my high school drama teacher, saying “finally we can do black shows” as soon as I entered high school and then not casting me in roles because of the "optics" of it, or even my best friend in high school Tanner Harmon who called me "blackie", I was always reminded that I was an other. So imagine getting paid good money to put on that $10,000 costume and waltzing out to 4000 people a day to play a really amazing part. A fantastic, evil, complicated, person who sings a killer duet and then grabs the show by the throat with a vicious about-face monologue... and not once was my race ever mentioned cuz it didnt matter. What was being prized was Cooper, my talent, not my skin color that I never asked for. Heaven. Liesl MADE SURE, almost overly sure, that the poc’s in the cast felt equal. The kingdom of Arendelle, after all, is a make believe place. It can be whatever. From having Disney executives come and tell us that they were happy to have us there, to side conversations with John Lasseter, we were made to feel overly welcome playing the parts we were playing. She encouraged us to dive deeper into the script of a cartoon that I didnt really think much of until I was in it. We were encouraged to ask why. We felt seen as talent and not commodities. There were, of course, detractors. Gosh, I remember people at a party of cast members from "Mickey and the Magical Map" another show at Disneyland which features a princess and the frog number and many of those casts mates angrily claiming that “if that black girl Tiana Okoye can play Elsa than I should be able to play Princess Tiana” and then looking at me to confirm that was okay to say, not realizing that a) she’s one of my best friends, b) that I’m in the show with her also playing a role that wasn't created to be a poc, c) how racist that sounded, and d) why there's a difference there and why that wouldn't make sense. On Liesls final night I came up to her and said “I don’t know why you did it but thank you so much for casting ME in this part” to which she replied “you mean why would I cast a handsome, talented person in this role?” And I stuttered something like “well, I mean, I’m black. You know...” to which she tilted her head to her side and said “no. I don’t know why. Tell me why that matters.” And I had no answer. Seeing that I had no answer she smiled. That was the answer. There was no reason. On the spot my outlook about myself changed. Windows into what I thought was possible for me opened. -------------------------------------- HELL: And then Liesl went back to NYC and she was replaced by a man named Roger Castellano as show director. Rogers task, he told us on the first day, was to "change the show". We were not told what needed to be changed or even why, but that changes were on the horizon. You've got to understand: to a full cast of actors who had just spent more than three months dissecting a 60 page Disney script with a Tony nominated director like it was Shakespeare, we were initially emotionally/mentally/spiritually resistant to changes. But then it became clear that the spirit of collaboration was over, and the show changes were to be given without the same care, consideration, and thematic explanation of why they were being made. Everyones initial reaction was to push back, but when people who questioned their notes or their changes started getting days removed their schedule or being replaced entirely by a new actor, the Hyperion theater became a place where no one was allowed to speak out. Injustices were happening left and right and no one felt they could do anything for fear of losing their livelihood. And that's when the Frozen: Live at the Hyperion became a living hell. In my first note session with Roger he pulled me into a room with Domonique Paton, my best friend and incredible costar who played princess Anna in the show I was in. She just so happens to also be black. Almost all of Prince Hans’s scenes in the show are with her character and so most of my notes would be primarily based on those interactions with her. Earlier in the day I performed with a different (white) actress but it was the show with Domonique that I had a note session about. Imagine my surprise and dismay when, with how Liesl set up the show experience, we were told this: “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER ITS TOO… URBAN.” Urban. What else could that have meant, do you think? He could have said maybe “too contemporary” emphasizing that we were maybe too modern in our speech patterns or movements. We weren’t. He could have said “too lax” or “too loose” meaning that maybe we were being unprofessional and goofy up there because we’re really good friends. We were not. The best me and Ms. Paton could think of was a 8 count moment of improv dance that me and Domonique decided to use as a synchronized moment of unity. It happened to fall on the line “our mental synchronization can have but one explanation” and thought, with the freedom that Christopher (the original choreographer) had given us, was appropriate, especially considering everyone behind us was doing the robot. As in the 80s robot. But he didnt clarify. He just said “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER IT’S TOO… URBAN” And when asked what he meant he smiled with a little shrug and said "you can figure that out. You're smart." And thats how I became Black Hans and Domonique became Black Anna. My every moment onstage afterwards became about the optics of being a poc in that show. It was if I was suddenly made aware that I was LUCKY enough to be there and under any normal circumstances, or this new directors circumstances, me getting this part would have never happened. But the message was clear. It was especially clear when me and Domonique Paton shows together durastically decreased and made even more clear when the vast majority of the new hires were not people of color. But no one said anything. And made even MORE clear when, over the next few weeks, both Domonique and I got COPIOUS notes, ten times that of our coworkers that played the same parts. It was almost a game. In fact we did turn it into a game, seeing who would get the least amount of notes from him in a day. Our costars would even joke about it onstage with us, during the ballroom scene, and jokingly whisper "The shows been up 15 minutes. How many do you think you got today?" But no one said anything. And the notes were about all kinds of things. How we held our hand. If our inflections went up or down on a word. Which side of a couch we leaned on… which was fine! When you're an actor, thats the gig... until we started comparing our notes with the actors that played our same parts and none of them, NONE, would get the same notes. Our notes would be outrageously longer, the note sessions sometimes lasting 10/15 minutes. Others would get the “Oh hey, try doing this or that next time, okay bye” walk-by notes. Sometimes I would sneak into the audience and watch as some of the other Han's, some of whom changed lines, changed entire intentions of scenes, some of whom adding in all types of vocalizations and cackles and dance moves and what have you, and would receive ZERO notes. But I was watching them to see what was wrong with me. What was my performance missing? What am I actually doing to feel this singled out. And then I realized that the thing that was wrong with me was that I was a different color than the 5 other white Hans's they cast. And then I started getting notes about my penis. Most of the time these “penis sessions”, as I called them, were given in private rooms without another stage manager present. It was incredibly unpleasant and unprofessional. In fairness, those Prince Hans pants are TIGHT! And yes, Mr. Howell is indeed a party in the front and a party in the back, but so were a lot of those fellas. And thats where I put my foot down. If Disney was going to provide me with a costume it is not my responsibility to fix their problem, especially when other of my (white) costars had been given a dance belt for the same thing. But they never got penis notes. Private session notes about what their penis looked like in that show. Over and over again I was told to fix it, to not make it (my dick) so apparent, and that “if my daughter were younger I wouldn’t want her to come to a show you were performing at" all the more insulting considering his daughter, a cast member in the show, was a friend of mine and the loveliest person. He started demanding that I buy a dance belt. It was “my fault”, “my responsibility” …and thats where I took my stand. And then it really became hell. Penis sessions were now done out in the open. Once, he screamed at me, in the green room in front of all of my costars during lunch, about how incredible unprofessional I was, about how he was tired of seeing my dick, and that if I didnt go buy myself one I didnt deserve to be there anymore. Followed by a huge litany of notes. That doesnt compare to some of what Domonique went through and I invite her to share them if she’s willing. During this time I went to every stage manager in the building and told them about being singling out and about my penis. They all told me to write a complaint report and it would go to some place called "HR". Which I did. Numerously. More months passed. Nothing from "HR". Multiple cast members who witnessed my note sessions encouraged me to go to the HR themselves. I didnt honestly know what an HR was. As soon as it was explained to me by my allies even what an HR was I went to the head of HR at Disneyland herself and waited outside of her door. I asked her if she got any of my HR reports and she told me that she had received no HR reports from the Hyperion. Ever. And then asked me to fill out a HR form. As we went over it, she asked me some questions, and then set up a second meeting. On the second meeting she said that in order for my report to be given credence I would need witnesses to give their testimony. The witnesses, in fact the very people that told me to go to HR in the first place, said no. They didnt want to lose their jobs. In retrospect that might be the thing that hurt the most but, whatever... anyway, I was told "“well… without testimonies we’ll do an investigation and we’ll call you when we’ve completed it.” I never received a phone call. With absolutely zero protection from the stage managers from both the sexual harassment or my obvious racial targeting I (and others) were experiencing, not to mention that HR reports were doing nothing, aka not being forwarded, I thought about quitting. And when a white stage manager made a show mistake and laughed it off to the cast by saying an entirely offensive lynching joke, I quit. I didnt matter to Disney. How I felt and what I was being put through didnt matter. I was a commodity. My departure was unceremonious. Bizarre. 100% un-magical. I hung up my costume one last time and it was given to a new Hans, one who looked very much like me oddly, and stepped out of the theater. The park was playing “every wish your heart desires will come to you” and I remember laughing at how dead that song felt. The director has since moved on but still works as a musical theater director in Southern California. This one time 4 years ago I got to feel something other than my color for the first and only time in my professional career. It lasted from about March 2016 to July 2016 and never again since. I will never forget in those early days looking at all the beautiful princesses I got to woo and thinking “wow. I’m a prince right now.” Im sure that sounds stupid. But it didn't feel stupid. And a Disney prince! Yeah, a shitty prince kinda... I mean, he's a sociopath... BUT still a Prince! Especially special was being able to look in Dominique’s eyes and I could see the same glimmer of “can you believe we get to do this right now” reflected back. We never knew it was in the cards for us. My race always has and will always be part of my career equation and a determining factor of its projection. It will always be a determining factor in how im treated, by creatives, by people, by the those in authority over me, including the government and the police. #wasitmyskin

Copied in its entirety here from Cooper Howell’s public Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10163696376095054&set=a.10151302685610054&type=3&theater

[ghostwise]

not a homecoming, but something like it

There are two men arguing in front of her home.

This is a nuisance, but not an uncommon one. Her neighbors are colorful and loud, so she’s used to people being in her way. Gente estorbosa. Normally she would’ve simply pushed past them to get to her gate. However, these are no neighbors of hers, and that makes her hesitate.

The two men are not speaking Antivan, but she knows enough languages to follow along, even with the street’s lively background chatter.

“This is a mistake,” one of them says.

“At least it’ll be in character, then,” the other replies.

Adelmar shifts the grocery basket on her hip, waiting. They’ll move on their own soon enough, she suspects. Or perhaps they’ll notice her and confront her for eavesdropping. Oh! Then they’d get an earful.

“I am being serious. Why would she remember me, hm?”

“You remember her.”

“That doesn’t mean anything—”

“I think it means more than you expected it to. I think that’s why you’re trying to back out at the last minute.”

Adelmar is not sure what the men are arguing about. She’d assumed their relationship to be contentious but now the shorter of the two steps close to his companion, looping an arm around his waist in an unmistakably supportive and affectionate gesture.

“If you really think this is a mistake, then let’s go, vhenan.”

Neither of them moves.

Adelmar clears her throat. Fascinating as the conversation is, she doesn’t have all day. She has dinner to get started, and her basket is getting heavy.

They turn to look at her, and she drops everything.

Tinned coffee and spices, parcels of lamb, and oranges, which roll out across the cobbled street.

“¿Zevran?” Adelmar’s voice is uncertain. She never expected to speak that name again, but those eyes and that hair…

“Zevran… Chivito. No puedo creerlo.”

The man Zevran is with has begun to pick up her groceries, although somewhat haphazardly, dropping one orange for every three he grabs. “You see?” he calls out, darting after a can and swiping it before it gets rolled over by a cart. “I knew she’d recognize you!”

And Zevran, the little boy she’d read stories to in the brothel, the same brown eyes, just taller, smiles at her like she’s singing a song and he’s in her lap again.

The scene, with all its noise and shouting in the background, and fruit rolling this way and that, feels briefly absurd. Is she imagining this? She has to make sure. She needs to just look at him. Stepping across a gap of decades (but it’s really only a few feet), she reaches for Zevran. She touches his face. Notices his tattoo. Frowns.

“Ay,” she murmurs, removing her hand. It is him.

He bursts out laughing.

“Qué gusto me da verte.”

Close by and with the biggest smile, Hamal Mahariel watches, holding the basket with all the groceries Adelmar has dropped.

It had come up in conversation, casually, a few days earlier. They had been investigating a mark, and Zevran, in the midst of planning and preparing, mentioned, “You know, I grew up near here.”

Hamal blinked. Sometimes he suspected that growing up meant something different for Zevran than it did for him. Did he mean he’d become a Crow here, just thirteen when he’d first killed?

When asked to clarify Zevran gestured at the map before them. He pointed a finger just a few centimeters from their present location.

“Rialto. I lived there before the Crows… acquired me.”

“Mm,” Hamal said, mulling it over. It was always a careful balance on his part to gauge whether it was alright to press for information, or better to let Zevran share at his own pace. But he was curious. Zevran seldom spoke of his early years.

“I’d love to see it, if you’re up to visiting,” he said finally.

“Perhaps. If we have time.” Zevran smiled warmly at him. “But really, amor, the place means very little to me. I have no childhood home, unless you count the brothel my mother worked at. I had no family. No friends. None that would remember me, anyway.”

Then why bring it up? Hamal wondered.

“Consider it a sentimental request from your husband,” he said.

Zevran rolled up the map quietly. He planted a quick kiss on Hamal’s cheek.

“That, I can do.”

  Adelmar’s home is small and welcoming, with a tiny patio separating the living area from the kitchen and washroom. Her husband is away for a few days. Her children, grown and gone. She has all the time in the world. She wants to hear everything.

“How did you find me?” she asks, looking at Zevran with wonder. A part of her still can’t believe he’s here.

“We happened to be in Rialto. I… asked around.”

“You went to El milagro,” Adelmar guesses.

Zevran gestures noncommittally.

“I haven’t been there for years and years. It feels like a lifetime ago. I’m surprised anyone remembered, or knew enough to send you my way,” she said. “I’m surprised you looked for me at all…”

Adelmar takes a deep breath. She’s stirring up memories—old thoughts and feelings, few of them pleasant, otherwise she would find it nostalgic.

Quickly, she catches herself and shakes off the gloom. She sets a hand on Zevran’s shoulder.

“But I’m glad you did. I really am so happy to see you. Look at how you’ve grown.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should come,” Zevran admits. “My husband convinced me. He’s nosy. It is why I keep him around.”

He chances a glance at Hamal, who is staying well out of the way. His Antivan still being rather rusty, he’s left Zevran and Adelmar to their conversation, and is currently helping chop vegetables for a stew.

“Well I’m glad for that,” Adelmar says, looking between the two men and beaming. Little Zevran—at her kitchen table and married no less!

“I never forgot you, Zevran,” she tells him. “If I had moved a little faster, saved a little more money, I would have left and brought you with me. You were so smart. You were always moving, running around, playing. In the end, it seems we both escaped to better circumstances,” she says finally, closing her eyes and sighing.

“Thank the Maker,” Zevran adds solemnly. Adelmar smiles, pleased at his manners.

“I’m so glad you’re doing well. So tell me,” she scoots closer and looks at him eagerly, “What sort of life did you have, after you were adopted?”

“Adopted?”

By the kitchen counter, Hamal catches the subtle edge in Zevran’s tone. He pauses, holding the knife in his hand as a lull falls over the kitchen table, but he doesn’t know enough Antivan to guess what’s happened.

What’s happened is this: Zevran and Adelmar came from the same place, and know enough about that life to instantly understand that a lie has been told.

“Oh,” Adelmar breathes after a moment. “You… you weren’t adopted.”

Zevran lets out a laugh. It’s his ‘stalling’ laugh, and now Hamal is looking over, arms crossed, searching his face for clues.

“I was not adopted,” he says. “But do not trouble yourself over that.” Then, smoothly redirecting, he gets up and locks eyes with Hamal.

“Shall I boil some water?” he asks, switching out of Antivan.

The tense moment is gone. Hamal nods, glancing at Adelmar. “I’ll start the fire.”

  There’s a reason why the kitchen is kept apart from the rest of the house. While the soup simmers, they bring their visit to the adjacent patio, where a cool breeze offers relief. Tree branches from the outside—from a tamarind tree growing in the street—have stretched out over the wall and blessed Adelmar’s patio with shade and fruit.

Hamal makes a face when he tastes it. Glancing at Zevran, he holds his gaze and waits just long enough to make it clear he’s less than partial to the flavor.

“So delicious, vhenan.”

Zevran laughs. “Wait until you try it in drink form.”

“If you make it, I am sure I will enjoy it.”

Adelmar, knowing she’s touched upon a shared hurt between her and Zevran, makes up for it by talking about anything else. She is particularly interested in their wedding, and is scandalized when she hears they’ve only been married a few weeks.

“I missed it!” she exclaims.

“It was quite sudden, my friend,” Zevran says, as if there’d been a chance of her attending. “Spontaneous. Just the two of us. Very romantic.”

Hamal taps the handcrafted silver band around his ring finger. He gestures at Zevran. “Él lo hizo,” he says in the most accented Antivan ever. “Muy, muy… bello.”

Dinner is delicious. Despite some language barriers, their conversation is easy and effortless. It’s also, intentionally, vague. Adelmar learns that they met in Ferelden, that they’re on an important journey, and that the journey is a dangerous one.

Most importantly, she also learns that Zevran’s heart has survived its rocky passage into adulthood, whole, if not unscathed. The core of the little boy she’d known in the brothel is there, even if he himself does not realize it. It brings her immense comfort.

The visit ends all too quickly, and though she asks them to stay the night, she isn’t surprised when they decline.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” Hamal tells Zevran, who relays the message to Adelmar.

“You and Hamal are welcome, always,” Adelmar assures him. “Will you visit again?”

“If it is less dangerous,” Zevran says. “We were not followed here. But repeated visits might be difficult. Risky.”

“I understand. Not right away, then. When you can. We still have so much to talk about.”

“I would like that,” Zevran agrees.

They share one last hug, the three of them, and Adelmar watches them slip into the night.

  “I need to brush up on my Antivan,” Hamal says. “But I enjoyed meeting her.”

“She liked you a lot,” Zevran says, smiling. Hamal laughs.

“You talked about me?”

“Of course. I had to show you off.” He winks at him. Then, with a soft intake of breath, Zevran looks away with his brow furrowed, the lines of his tattoo tense.

“… They told her I’d been adopted. All these years, and she had no idea. I’m almost sorry she had to find out otherwise.”

They’ve traveled for hours, leaving the city behind. Bright points of light shine overhead. The night sky of Antiva smells of jasmine and the distant sea.

“That’s awful,” Hamal says, looking at him.

“What a farce,” Zevran says bitterly. “Just like everything the Crows do. Operating in the open, but hidden from view. Buying children and lives while people look the other way.” Earnestly, his brown eyes black in the dark, he shakes his head. “It must end. It must.”

Hamal touches the lines of his tattoo, calloused fingers grounding him.

“Ma nuvenin, Zevran Arainai. It will.”

~

A short piece to introduce my OC, Adelmar Provencio. If you ever read my WIP For Suffering is Such a Part, you’ve met her through flashbacks already. While I love the idea of Zevran taking down the Crows alone, please consider, Zevran taking down the Crows with the support of a community, strengthened by the bonds he’s made in his life...

Adelmar plays a further role in the story, so hopefully I can write more for her!

[matryosika]

shoot me, chapter II

pairing — changbin x reader

rating — 18+

genre of the overall series — smut, angst, fluff if you squint

prologue chapter I chapter II

word count for this chapter — 5.5 k

warnings — softdom!changbin, kind of bratty reader, mild exhibition (something happens at a dressing room but it's not too much), dry humping - lap riding?, oral (m), praise kink, use of petnames, slight edging, masturbation and cum eating

note — i wrote this today because maybe this week i'll be busy with college and i was feeling a bit inspired. i'm so happy with the messages i recieved and, if you like my work, i highly encourage you to send an ask or a message! thank you so much for reading me and i hope you enjoy this chapter. it's a litte bit more smut and angsty tension than actual plot, but i was feeling this today. also, i didn't plan on having a taglist but i guess i'll do! if you are interested in me adding you, please let me know! <3

tag list — @cozyblues @ahgasearmyfan

the awkward small meeting soon became lunch. arthur convinced you and changbin to join them at a very nice restaurant that was located a few blocks away from the company and, although you refused for the sake of comfort, your father didn't accepted a "no" for an answer.

"he is like a step-son to me" arthur said, looking at changbin as if he had some sort of admiration towards him. "i've seen him become the man he is now and i'm sure no one can run the company like him"

both haeun and jang-yeop seemed flattered, but changbin didn't even smile at the compliment arthur just said. by the lack of response, his mother rushed to say something in order to move on to other topic. it was pretty obvious that changbin was acting kind of rude towards everyone today, but you guessed he was just feeling uncomfortable because of what happened yesterday.

"so, y/n" haeun interrupted "your father had planned a dinner for you yesterday but it seemed like he had to canceled it because you had plans… how was your first day back in korea?"

"oh" you muttered, trying to chew the food that was still in your mouth so you could answer her question "it was… definetly something"

as soon as you answered her question, changbin gave you a side look from his place at the dinner table. "i went out with an old friend from middle school to itaewon"

"itaewon.." jang-yeop added "there are some dangerous places there, y/n. you should be more careful going out at night, korea might be a safe place but you can find anything out there".

"yeah i-" and for a moment, a perversed idea striked your head "i actually had a very unpleaseant situation yesterday at the bar i attended to"

immediatly after you finished your sentence, changbin glanced right at you.

"what happened?" jang-yeop questioned filled with concern.

"there were some awfully rude people there" you replied, limitating the answer. you wanted changbin to have an uncomfortable time there just because he crushed your pride the night before "i'll just leave it at that"

"changbin" her mother intervened "weren't you at itaewon yesterday too?"

the poor man almost choked on his food, coughing softly to avoid attracting any attention or being too loud "i was"

this was the first time you heard his voice that day and you would be absolutely lying if you said it didn't make you feel something. the memories of him praising you last night while he was eating you out just flooded your mind, making you stare directly at him for a really long time.

he was looking at you too, but his gaze transmitted something completely different than lust or desire. he was angry, maybe at himself or at you for teasing him in front of his parents, but he looked scared too, uncomfortable.

"see, this is exactly why i planned that dinner yesterday" arthur stated "i wanted to introduce changbin to y/n so he could guard her during her stay in korea. you know jang-yeop, how men are behaving nowadays…"

"tell me about it, arthur" the old man replied.

"i trust changbin as if he is my own blood" your father continued "if i asked him to take care of my youngest daughter y/n, i'm sure he would"

"maybe he can give her a tour around the principal streets of seoul" his mother suggested with the biggest smile.

"i'd love to" you were quick to say, earning a death-stare from the man in question. "i wanted to go to this mall i saw on my way from the airport but hyejin was in a rush and we couldn't stop by"

with a satisfied look, jang-yeop laid his body down on the chair he was sitting and sighed. "well, changbin, seems like you have plans for today"

"i'm not a taxi-driver" he spitted, earning a despicable look from both of his parents.

"no, changbin" arthur was rushed to intervene "i would really appreciate if you took care of her whenever she goes out alone. you know how men are, just think of her as a younger sister"

for a moment you felt the need to throw up at his fake words, but you were enjoying the scene.

a younger sister, that's funny.

"where's that store again?" changbin asked annoyed.

this can go really good or really bad for you, changbin. it's up to you.

*

"so you are not going to even apologize?" you asked in the middle of the uncomfortable silence that was now filling changbin's sports car.

"for what, giving you the best orgasm of your life?" he mumbled with a cold tone in his voice. you could see he wasn't really in the mood for talking, but you at least expected an apology for humiliating you yesterday.

"funny how you thought of me as a gold digger when my father is practically your boss and you do exactly as he says" you chuckled.

now let's clarify something. you never really felt proud of being arthur's daughter because he wasn't even a father to you. yes, you shared his blood and last name but at the end of the day that didn't meant anything for you. nevertheless, changbin didn't knew this so you could play that "ceo's bratty daughter" card everytime you wanted, even if that obligated you to actually act like you and arthur held a loving fraternal relationship.

"if i knew you were his daughter, none of that would've happened" he replied without parting his eyes from the street, again, with the coldest voice you had ever hear in your life.

"what part, the humiliation or the orgasm?"

he gave you a threatening look and proceeded to keep is eyes on the road. you were quite unsure how to lead this situation since everything happened really fast: your arrival to korea, your first encounter with ryujin after a long time, the itaewon night and the bar incident... changbin was still a mere stranger but you had quite a feeling that this wasn't going to be the first time you spended time with him since your father made it clear: changbin was like family to him.

shit, i am his real family and never even bothered to reach out for me when i was in japan. he probably only did it this time because of ara.

"is this is?" changbin asked as he parked.

"yeah" you replied, looking at the tall building that was in front of you.

"i'll wait for you here, don't delay, i don't have your time" he snarled without removing his seatbealt.

"you are not coming?"

you had one idea in mind to fuck up his head even more, but it was only going to work if changbin accompanied you to the store.

"and what exactly am i going to do there? rate the stupid clothes you try on?" he scoffed, checking his cellphone without even looking at you.

"do whatever you want" you told him, closing the door with a loud noise and bending over the opened window of the car "but i don't think arthur would be happy about your hostility towards me"

a smile appeared on your face as you walked away, hearing another loud noise indicating that one of the car doors just closed again. good.

*

"are you done?" changbin asked irritated as he walked besides you on your tour of the mall.

"yeah i just" your attention was caught by a black short dress that was on display at the front of a store that looked -expensive-. you had some of your own money from the previous night because, thanks to ryujin's master plan, you didn't actually had to spend any... but it was probably not going to be enough.

and just when you were about to tell changbin that you were ready to go, you remembered it: hyejin lended you one of her credit cards yesterday to buy yourself a "top-of-the-class present" because she was quite unsure of your likes and dislikes.

"i'll just go to that store and i'm done"

changbin rolled his eyes and followed you through the crowd of people that were in the mall at the moment. the store was crowded with people too, mostly women and their husbands or boyfriends who were waiting for them at the couches provided.

as you entered, you were quick to approach the pile of black dresses that caught your attention in order to try one on. the price, as expected, was elevated for you but it was probably nothing for hyejin. i'll buy this, i'm sorry sis.

it was a simple, skinny black dress with the whole back exposed. you figured out that it would be nice to wear it on a bar night or something and, since you didn't have that many clothes for those kind of situations, it would be good to get yourself some.

showtime!

"so" you said, walking out of the dressing room and immediatly catching the attention of changbin who was right outside of it, sitting while talking on the phone with someone.

"i'll call you back" he mumbles, turning his cellphone off.

"how do you like it?"

"does it matter?"

"it's too expensive and i won't buy it if i don't look good in it" you laughed ironically.

"i don't think arthur would be happy with you walking around seoul wearing just that" he scoffed, implying that the dress was too sluty.

"i wasn't asking for arthur's opinion" you spitted "i was asking for yours"

he shrugged his shoulders without even giving a proper answer, returning to the only activity he had been doing since the two of you arrived to the mall: using his cellphone.

"i actually need your help to get this off" you mentioned

he swallowed nervously without even looking at you, licking his lips "ask for help to the ladies that work here"

"they are busy"

you had no idea what they were doing but you needed to get changbin into the dressing room with you. he already feels guilty and i don't have anything to lose, it's not going to harm us if we add more stuff to the the record.

"just help me so we can get this over with and leave" you snarled, waiting for him to get up of the couch and walk with you to the dressing room.

the store was full of people minding their own business and, contrary to popular belief, they sold clothes both for women and men. the dressing rooms were pretty much mixed so it was not going to look weird if they saw changbin entering to one of them. besides, they had long curtains that fell right into the floor, it was impossible to look who was inside of them.

without saying a word, changbin was ready to untie the straps of the dress while looking directly at you through the mirror.

"now this brings back some memories" you said, chuckling.

changbin strucked you down with his gaze and approached the curtains with a swift movement, trying to get out of the small space the dressing room was without even helping you to get out of the dress first.

"look at me and tell me you don't find me attractive" you commanded, looking at his reflection in the mirror before he could even get himself out of there. changbin looked at you, letting out a sigh as he bit his lower lip in frustration.

"i'm sorry for what i said yesterday" he whispered angry, almost in resignation. "if that's what you want to hear so you can drop this fucking bratty attitude then i'm fucking sorry"

to be fair, that was actually what you wanted to hear since you encountered him that morning. but now that you had him there, the urge of wanting to make him feel even more guilty and ashamed just took complete power over you.

you couldn't really explained why you wanted to do all kinds of things to make him feel bad. it was probably your hatred for men, the fraternal relationship he had with your father or the fact that you found him extremely attractive, but you wanted to make him feel miserable.

"so, do you?" you inquired, stepping closer and pushing him away from the curtains.

"stop playing" he insisted, his gaze changing drastically from one moment to another. what looked like anger three seconds ago was now transformed into desire.

"it's okay" you cooed, resting your hands on both sides of his face, tilting yours to the side as your eyes fixed on his lips. "no one will find out about this, if that's what you are worried about"

he parted his lips as his tongue danced inside his mouth, grimacing in frustration "you mean about what happened" changbin dictated.

"about what happened?" you muttered, letting out a small whimper as his bulge grew against your thighs. "or about what will continue on happening?"

one of his hands approached the back of your head, gripping your hair harshly while lifting your face. "you know your father would fucking kill me if he finds out"

a victorious smile appeared on your lips. he just gave in.

"isn't that more fun?"

before you could finish the sentence, changbin's lips attacked yours. the kiss was sloppy and needy, as if he had been wanting to do this exact thing all the evening. his hands traveled to your lower back as he pressed you against him even harder.

his sweet taste and the friction between his bulge and your thigh almost made you give in as well, but you couldn't.

you had to prove yourself that you were still in control of the situation.

just a bit more.

his lips left your mouth to pepper kisses all over your jawline and neck. the way his breathing sounded was heavenly, making you start to feel the heat forming at your core. he looked at your face every now and then, as if he enjoyed the gestures you made by trying to hold back your moans.

okay, that's enough.

"a public restroom and now a dressing room" you shighed, as your hands pushed him away of you "i knew you were desperate but i didn't know how much"

his face contorted in anger, clenching his jaw as he saw you picking up your clothes from the floor.

"don't think too highly of yourself, changbin" you mumbled, looking at him before opening the curtain "you are a man, and men are just so easy"

you walked through the whole store with the dress on and your regular clothes under your arm.

"my boyfriend is paying for this, he is right behind me." and with that being said, you left the store.

*

as you were hiding yourself in the public bathrooms of the mall, you called ryujin.

"i'm at the coex" you said "can you please pick me up, i kind of need to talk with you"

"you want to grab some a snack?" she asked, and you could almost listen how she immediatly got up from her bed to get dressed.

"yeah, but not here" you replied. before hangin up, ryujin gave you a "gotcha" and you continued on changing you back to your previous clothes. you had no bag to carry the dress, so you exited the mall grabbing it like you just stole it.

you patiently waited for ryujin to pick you up, and it was actually earlier than you anticipated.

"there's a lovely coffee shop a few blocks from here"

*

"and that's pretty much what happened" you concluded, just as you finished telling ryujin the whole bar incident and the dressing-room idea you had that evening. she looked at you surprised, as if she just had witnessed a crime.

"so you had your first orgasm ever with a stranger on a public restroom?" she asked, almost on the brink of laughing hysterically.

"i just told you that i engaged in sexual activities with the most despicable men on earth who happens to be my father's right hand and that's everything you could pick up?" you replied, sipping from your iced coffee.

"pretty much, yeah" she joked "i don't remember him"

"yeah, why would you?" you teased her "you were pratically flirting with every man on the table and almost eating the soul out of one of them"

"chan" ryujin said softly.

"oh, so you got his name?"

"not only his name but his number" she mumbled as she held her cellphone almost in a victorious manner.

"so you have been talking to him?"

"kind of" the blonde-haired replied "apparently they are going to have a gathering at his house and he invited me" she then made a long pause "wait, you should come!"

changbin was definitely going to be there. another interaction you could decline but still chose not to.

"yeah i should come"

*

as soon as you got home, you fell completely asleep. it was only 6:00 p.m., but last night you barely had a good night of sleep because ryujin kept moving around and the thought of what happened in the bar wouldn't leave you alone.

as you woke up from your nap, your phone had a couple of unread messages from both hyejin and arthur.

[6:13 p.m., hyejin]

i'm going to grab something to eat with hyuna. arthur said he was probably going to go out to eat with ara and her family so if you want to have dinner just order something with my credit card.

[7:21 p.m., arthur]

i'm going to have dinner at ara's tonight.

with her family.

changbin said he had a great time with you today and since you were going to be at home, he insisted to make you company at dinner time.

i'm glad you two are getting alone

either he was completely stupid or he definetly trusted changbin with his life because no man would ever let her daughter spend time alone with a man.

but that was not even the worse part: you knew where this whole thing was going to.

a great time? you made him pay 620,000 korean wons and humiliated him on a public dressing room. i mean, you did have a great time but you weren't quite sure he did.

before you could start overthinking the whole situation, you heard how the doorbell went off. fuck, well, if i don't open the door he won't be able to come in.

the doorbell went off again, and you just chose to ignore it.

[9:33 p.m. unknown number]

i know you are there

your father told me you were going to be at home

[9:35 p.m. unknown number]

you do know that i have the keys of the house since i spend a lot of time here working with your father here, right?

now you were starting to feel nervous. not only because you were, obviously, going to have to pay for the dress you practically stole, but because you were quite unsure if you could still have the self-control you had earlier today in case he approached you in that way.

but he probably hated you now just as much as you did.

maybe he just wants his money back.

while you were threading your thoughts, you heard how the front door of the house opened. quickly you got out of bed and ran downstairs with hyejin's card on your hand to encounter him before he could even get further into the house.

"just take the 600,000 wons" you said, extending your arm to lend him the credit card number and code.

he scoffed at you, ignoring it.

"i don't give a fuck about the money" he mumbled, approaching you as your back slammed against a cold wall.

oh, just casual rich behavior.

"now i'm the one who wants an apology for the show you did at coex" now this was what you were fearing. his lips dangerously close to you, his scent mixed with mint and cigarettes flooding all your senses.

changbin was fine. his body, even though you hadn't seen it in all his glory, was extremely well built and he knew it; the clothes he wore only accentuating more his manly figure... and here comes the part of the self-control.

"you said my father was going to kill you" you stuttered, trying to look away from his face that was merely centimeters away from yours.

"and isn't that more fun, princess?" princess, that fucking petname again. changbin was using the exact same words that left your mouth hours ago to tease you. "if you don't want this, then tell me. but do it now, because if we move forward i don't think i'll be able to stop"

you swallowed thickly. you knew exactly what he was talking about and the proposal he was making, but wasn't that a bit too rushed? besides, the hatred you felt towards him grew bigger by the minute. wasn't that a bad idea?

but then again, wasn't it a very good idea? you could prove changbin that you didn't thought too highly of yourself for nothing and you would be able to mess with your father's pride... it was just a very good offer you couldn't decline.

"i don't have all night, y/n" he grunted, still looking at you with starving eyes.

"it's you who has to think this through" you whispered, trying to keep the eye-contact with him. "i don't have anything to lose, but you on the other hand..."

"if this is done right, no one will lose anything" changbin replied, brushing his lips softly against your chin "and in exchange, i'll have you begging for me the rest of the days you spend here in korea"

that single statement made you blush, but you wouldn't let changbin acknowledge the power he held over you.

"i don't beg"

changbin gripped your hair and pushed your body down, making you fall into your knees.

"use your words, princess" he said while maintaining eye contact with you "for the last time, tell me that you truly want this and then we can move on to something more interesting"

you were unable to hold your tongue from licking your lips at the sight of his bulge. "i do" you said softly, almost inaudible, but it was good enough for changbin to take you.

his grip on your hair stopped and you were able to stand up, following him into the living room of arthur's house as he rested his whole weight in one of the couches. "come here" he ordered.

he sat down while spreading his legs and it was only then that you noticed how cozy his lap looked. unsure of what to do next, you climbed on top of him, your barely-clothed core making contact with his cock under his pants; just that fraction of contact was all it took to get a whiny moan out of you.

"what exactly where you trying to achieve at the dressing room anyways?" he inquired with a mocking tone.

"i just wanted to get back at you" you admitted, trying so hard to ignore the pressure between your thighs.

"and did you enjoyed it?"

"i did"

changbin licked his lips as he let out a soft laugh, trying to find a decent reasoning behind your behavior.

"well i'm glad you enjoyed it because it didn't work at all" he stated. "no matter how hard you tried to control yourself earlier today, you still ended up craving my touch"

his hands toured your naked thighs and stopped at the elastic of your pijama shorts.

"it doesn't matter" you hissed with strangled breath as his fingers dance around your shorts and skin "i still got what i wanted"

"and what was that?" his hands were now at your hips, holding you so thightly that could anticipate a few bruises there.

"to see you drowning in embarrassement" you admit, looking directly into him. "it was a pretty fun sight"

"i bet" he grunted, lifting ever so slightly his hips and making the pressure between your thighs increase immediatly.

a sudden moan escaped your lips, provoking changbin to smile. "do you want to count again?" he teased, talking about the bar incident.

your hands grabbed his shoulders for support as his hands started guiding your hips over his lap.

unlike you, changbin was all dressed up in his black pants and white shirt he had on earlier today. as soon as you arrived home you changed into more comfortable clothes, your pink pijamas whose fabric was extremely thin, and just now you started to regret your decision of not putting more clothes on before having this encounter with him.

"i need you to touch me" you admit after a few painfully seconds grinding against his bulge. it felt good, but you knew that it would feel even better if he decided to actually participate in your orgasm. besides, the scene of you pathetically grind against him in an attempt to chase your high was degrading.

he was right, both outcomes were pathetic. as you pondered, your head fell upwards and your core started to painfully clenched around thin air.

"then beg" he smiles, his hands still resting on the sides of your body. this bitch. "you don't want to because you are too proud, but how exactly are you going to feel after coming undone only by grinding on my lap without my help?"

"if that's what you want" he grunted at the absence of pleads, lifting his hips again "this is the only way you get to cum tonight"

your hips rushed the movements as you felt your pussy getting hotter, your juices making a mess on changbin's pants.

"who finds who attractive, hm?" he asked as the sight of your dripping core. "it's taking all of my self-control to not fuck you right here, right now"

"why don't you do it?" you ask in between broken moans, your hips moving at a steady pace.

"because you don't deserve it"

changbin was fucking you up and he was doing it just right. every word that came out of his mouth only made you angrier and wetter, drilling a hole on your mind by even considering beg for his touch.

"you don't deserve to fuck me either" you sighed, trying to hold back all the loud moans that wanted to escape your mouth as your clit repeatedly stroke against him.

"i don't?" he asked, mocking pain "are you sure, princess?"

the frustration of not being able to reach your high was starting to make you feel pathetic because all you wanted was to experience the exact same feeling you got at the bar.

"changbin" you whined, grabbing yourself onto his white shirt. "if you aren't going to touch me then please just do something else"

his hands moved all the way to the straps of your pijamas and he gently pushed your top down, exposing your bare breasts.

"do you never wear underwear, princess?" he growled, attaching his lips at the skin that was faintly bruised because of last night.

"fuck, changbin" you moaned, the friction between your bodies increasing as he was closer to you.

"i know you can do it without my help princess" he said, grabbing one of your hardened buds in between his lips.

the knot was starting to form on your lower abdomen at a much slower pace than before, making you let out desperate whines. "look at how messy you are being"

his mouth licked one of your nipples as his fingers played with the other, wanting to edge you until you had no choice but to beg for his touch. "fuck, changbin. i'm close"

as soon as you told him this, you felt how his body reincorporated into his seat, making the contact between your core and his lap almost inexistent. "i changed my mind, i don't want you to cum like this"

with teary eyes you looked at him. was he really going to edge you this bad? was it because you didn't beg? fuck, all you wanted was to cum and he wouldn't even let you do that peacefully.

"don't you think it's my turn?" he smirked while unbottoning his pants. oh, right, his turn.

you clearly had not much experience in that department but you wouldn't let him find that out. back in japan you were not really an enthusiast of oral sex, but you would often hear stories from your classmates talking about experiences and tips.

before you could keep recalling all the stories you heard, changbin's hands stroke your hair making you look directly at him.

he was... making you quite confused about whether if you were going to be able to take it or not. "come on princess" he encouraged as the tip of his cocked brushed your lips slightly.

getting rid of any hesitation you were quick to drag your tongue all over his lenght, earning a sigh out of him. you would be lying if you said that it didn't turned you on, because it did (more than you ever wanted to admit). slowly, he pushed his cock into your mouth making you gag over it. "good fucking girl" he whispered as he starred into your teary eyes.

changbin had one arm over his head while the other guided you to take his cock. his eyes never left yours, only ocasionally as his head fell upwards when the pleasure was too overwhelming for him. his chest was moving everytime at a faster pace, and the sounds that left his mouth were getting more frecuent. "fuck, y/n"

you were learning how to take him inside your mouth to the point that it felt too good having him there. "y/n"

"mhm?" you mumbled around his cock, making waves of pleasure travel all over changbin's body.

"touch yourself for me as you take my cock" he ordered.

you had tried several times to reach your orgasm just by masturbating and it did felt good, but for the longest time you thought that if that was what an orgasm was supposed to feel like, it wasn't so much of a big deal. that was until yesterday, when you truly felt a real one. but you assumed that by the previous stimulation, it was going to be way easier to come undone this time, even if it wasn't as powerful as the one changbin made you feel.

you started to rub your clit in circles as changbin fucked your mouth slowly without parting your gaze from his eyes. his eyes that intimidated the shit out of you and that were the main reason of why you wanted to submit immediatly for him.

"that's my good girl" changbin's grip on your hair was getting tighter and his breathing was getting heavier than before. "does it feel good baby?" he asked, watching how your eyes slightly rolled to the back of your head by the pleasure provided by your own touch and his cock inside your mouth.

"fuck" he cursed under his breath "i'm close"

with eager eyes you started to take him in even more, determined to making him finish just as you chased your own high. your fingers moved around your clit at a soft but hard pace, making that now familiar knot appear at your abdomen. "y/n"

you knew you were a couple of seconds away from your own high as changbin's hands pushed your head all the way over his cock, releasing himself into your mouth. "good fucking girl" he praised with raspy voice and quick breath.

and with the feeling of his hot cum down your throat and your drool all over him, your juices dripped onto your fingers. moaning against his cock, changbin's body trembled at the overstimulation and he quickly pulled himself out of you.

"open your mouth" he ordered while you were still coming down from your high. you did as he commanded, with the remains of his release still in your tongue. "swallow"

and so you did, tasting him.

"my pretty doll" he grunted "did you make yourself cum while your mouth was taking my cock?"

you nodded with tears streaming down your cheeks, messy hair , drool dripping onto your bare chest and your pijama shorts soaked in your own juices. that sight alone was everything for him, increasing his desires of completely ruin you in his bed... or yours... or any place.

a smirk appeared on his face as he pulled you in for a kiss, tasting himself on you.

"i fucking hate you" you whined against him, feeling how your nipples grazed with his chest. "god i fucking hate you"

and even though you did, you knew that this was only getting started both of you.

[ddarker-dreams]

Lunch Discussions. Team Bucciarati x F Reader🎀

[Scarlet Ribbons description]

Word count: 1.3k, somehow ?? Notes: this is probably the most lighthearted thing i’ve ever created. idk what’s happening here. it started as a silly idea in my head but I Could Not Stop. so here it is

“If you were stranded on a deserted island, who from this table would you want to be stuck with?” 

Mista’s question goes largely unnoticed. Fugo and Narancia are in a heated discussion on if classical or hip hop is better, Bucciarati and Giorno are speaking about business, and Abbacchio is trying to zone the chatter out. That leaves you to save Mista from the throes of embarrassment. Truth be told, this innocent question is an improvement from Mista’s usual discourse.

The gunslinger’s face lights up when you hum, considering the question. 

“So it’d just be the two of us? I can’t say I’d bring a radio or something?” You ask to clarify further. 

Mista shakes his head. “Nope, no bringing anything.” 

That means practicality is most vital here. You mull over what each of your teammates (and bosses), could bring to the table. It didn’t take too long to reach a definitive answer.

“For survival’s sake, I’d pick Giorno,” you decide, the aforementioned man’s attention going to you upon hearing his name. “Well, I guess it depends on whether or not the food Gold Experience makes is edible. If it is, we’d be able to survive a long time off of it. Say, Giorno, can you eat the stuff you make?” 

“I’ve… never tried, so I’m not sure. In theory, any life created by Gold Experience is the same down to the genetics of what it’s based on.” 

Narancia snorts and takes a bite of his salad. “It’s all fun and games until a coconut falls on Giorno’s head and he’s knocked out cold. Then all the sticks and sand he used to make the food would turn back in your stomach.” 

Huh. That makes for a grotesque mental image. 

Giorno tries to defend himself but Narancia is too busy readying his argument. “A coconut…?” 

“Clearly, I’m the best choice here,” Narancia decides, pointing his fork at you. Should that be considered a threat? “Aerosmith could get the attention of a nearby plane.” 

“Non-Stand users wouldn’t be able to see it, you dumbass. What are you going to do? Wait for a Stand user pilot to roll on by?” Fugo asks with a sigh, Narancia shooting him a nasty look. 

“You never know! I’m sure there’s one or two. Besides, why would anyone want to bring you along? Your Stand couldn’t even hunt for food, it’d turn everything into a big ol’ pile of mush.” 

Fugo clicks his tongue. “There’s more to survival than that. Food is a valuable resource, yes, but do you know how to purify water?” 

Narancia furrows his eyebrows together, considering the proposition. “You have to… purify water?” 

Now it’s Fugo’s turn to look at you.

“This idiot would give you dysentery on day one,” he states dryly. You hold back a laugh at the indignation on Narancia’s face. “I think my chances would be pretty good. At least I know what poisonous plants look like.” 

Mista’s simple question is turning into a complex cobweb of possibilities. He can’t help but notice the others seemed more willing to chime in the moment you entered the conversation. Silently, he tells himself not to take it personally. 

“Well, whatever. I’d pick [First]. She could make us a shelter and bridges to different areas. The rest of you guys can be boring and pick Giorno.” Narancia decides. You can’t help but feel a little honored that he’d pick you, a content smile on your face. His last comment makes you wonder if picking Giorno is the easy answer, due to the nature of his Stand’s abilities. Abbacchio, who none of you thought was paying attention, speaks up. 

“I wouldn’t pick Giorno,” Abbacchio places his headphones around his neck. “I wouldn’t pick any of you guys, actually. Aside from Bucciarati, you’d all be dead in a week, easily.”

Bucciarati clears his throat, realizing he’s now been roped into the conversation. “I’m glad you guys are having fun, but--” 

Mista is quick to rebuke Abbacchio’s claims. “I would not die in a week! I’d at the very least make it to two weeks.” 

“Like hell you would. Pistols would destroy your food supply on the first day.” Abbacchio counters. Hm, he’s got a point, you think. Pistols do have a notoriously ravenous appetite. Note to self, do not get stuck on an island with Mista. 

Mista puts a hand to his chin, contemplating. “Hm… actually, yeah, you’re right. Nevermind.” 

You blink, incredulous at Mista’s agreeable response. He gave up that fast?! 

“What if we kept it out of Pistol’s reach?” You tentatively speak up, trying to save Mista’s honor once more. He shudders at the thought.

“There is no such thing as food out of Pistols reach,” Mista sighs, to which his Stand cheers. “They will always find it.” 

An idea comes to mind. Clasping your hands together, you look at Narancia with a smile, who immediately returns it in full. “Oh, I know! What if we got on Aerosmith, and it flew us to safety?” 

Narancia likes the idea and nods his head vigorously. “That’s genius!” 

Fugo snorts, preparing a rebuttal in record time. “Yeah, it’d be genius until you both drop into the ocean.” 

“[First], did you forget what happened the last time you were on a plane with Narancia?” Abbacchio raises an eyebrow. Your blood runs cold as memories of Notorious B.I.G come flooding back. Actually, being on any form of transportation with these people seems to end poorly. Cars, boats, airplanes… 

“Come to think of it, you’re right about that,” you agree with a shiver. “Being stuck with Abbacchio might be interesting. Moody Blues could replay scenes from a movie to pass the time.” 

“It’d be a one-man show, but I guess it’s not impossible,” Abbacchio replies. Giorno, who had been silently watching the banter, decides to speak his piece.

“I agree with Narancia,” Giorno nods at you. “[First] would be able to treat my wounds, and I hers. We’d survive the longest.” 

“Oh, please. You guys just want to be stuck on an island with [First] because she’s c-” 

Abbacchio kicks Mista under the table, effectively silencing him. Beats getting stabbed with a fork, you muse. Bucciarati, who is doing his best to moderate the discussion, has remained noticeably absent. Not wanting to miss out on his input, you direct the question to him.

“What about you, Bucciarati? Who would you pick?” 

Your Capo thinks about it longer than the others. “Fugo’s plentiful knowledge of biodiversity would be useful. Though, if we’re taking Stands into account, [First]’s Scarlet Ribbons could make a net for fishing.” 

“Finally, a sensible answer.” Fugo sighs. 

“The real question is,” Mista takes a deep breath, placing his hands on the table. “Why is no one picking me? 

“I thought we already went over that,” Narancia replies.

“Aside from the little caveat Pistols presents, I’d still be a valuable asset. Did you guys forget that I survived prison?”

“Two weeks of prison, might I add,” Fugo corrects, to Mista’s dismay. “By that logic, Narancia would be the best choice.”

“Which I am--”

“You don’t even know how to make a fire, much less survive in the wild.” 

“If I shoot something long enough it’ll catch on fire.” Narancia shrugs. Fugo rubs his temple, fending off a headache that looms on the horizon. It looks like none of you are going to be reaching a conclusion anytime soon, talking circles around one another. Still, you feel as if this is the appeal of talking to them. You can expect it to be a thrilling adventure from start to finish. 

Everyone had been too drawn into the conversation to realize the waiter, who finally works up the courage to clear his throat, catching your attention. 

“The bill for today,” is all he has the courage to say. 

Mista, Narancia, and Abbacchio both motion to Giorno at the same time, who sighs and reaches for his wallet.

[the7thcrow]

indulgence | part two

~

pairing: felix x (fem) vampire!reader

summary: an indulgence grows to become dangerous, as the society of hampden college takes note of y/n’s new blood bag.

series masterlist.

word count: 5.8 k

genre: forbidden love. angst, extreme fluff, suggestive.

warnings: blood, suggestive content (sex is discussed but not described), strong language, alcohol and vampires ofc.

rating: 16+

a/n: hi everyone! thank you to anyone who read part one, and liked it enough to continue with part two hehe. the plot really picks up here, and i’m quite excited about it. once again, i love hearing feedback, so don’t be shy in leaving me an ask or message :)

previous chapter.

...

..

.

You were careful. In the beginning, at least. For the first few weeks of carrying your secret, you only met Felix after hours, and only at your home. You’d leave at different times, and you both never spoke a word of what you were doing to anyone.

It was a safe play. A smart one. But as time went on you became sloppy. It started on the day Felix’s roommates would be gone for the entire weekend.

You were both lying in your bed, the rainy Sunday morning having trickled by in a lazy, melancholic fashion. These were your favourite days, the ones in which he’d arrive just before dawn and leave near dusk. 

You’d gotten used to his presence around your apartment, his absence painfully noticeable during the days you found yourself cooped up there alone. You liked when he was there, even when you weren’t talking, lounging on the couch in silence with your feet intertwined as you caught up on your required reading. Or when sometimes he’d cook for you, baking you sweets as you were stressed out over a paper that’s due date was much closer than you’d realized. Him simply being around granted you comfort, a sense of companionship, something you hadn’t felt for a long time.

You couldn’t deny that Felix Lee had nestled himself into your life, and you’d be a liar to say you weren’t enjoying it. Being with him made you love the creature you were, seeing the way your feeding affected him, the way it set the two of you on fire. Forgetting for a moment how restrictive your life truly was, how exhausting and lonely it often happened to be. 

Looking back, perhaps that was the entire problem itself. That wasn’t something you should so easily forget, no matter how tempting it may be.

“Come on,” Felix whined, tracing shapes along the bare of your back with his finger. “They won’t be there all weekend, it won’t be any different then when we’re here.”

He was trying to convince you to come spend the following weekend at his apartment, as his roommates were leaving on a ski trip and wouldn’t be back until Monday morning.

“Well, if it won’t be any different then why should we bother risking it?” You returned. In truth, you really did want to go spend time at his place. It felt like the next step in your relationship, however strange and complicated it may be. You weren’t sure if “relationship” was even the right term for whatever you two were, but you didn’t want to overthink things too much. For now, all you wanted was to enjoy this while it lasted, as deep down you knew it couldn’t be forever. 

“Because,” he mumbled, rolling you over to face him. This wasn’t going to help your willpower, you’d come to find you just couldn’t say no to those dark, curious eyes. “I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you these last few weeks. I mean, I’ve seen your life. Your room, your book and record collections, what you keep stocked in your refrigerator. I guess I just want to share my space with you too.”

You groaned, shifting downwards to bury your face in his chest. “Well that’s not fair. How am I supposed to say no to that?”

“Exactly, you can’t,” he laughed.

“You’re the worst.”

“I know. Sorry.”

You sighed. “Fine. I’ll head over Friday night then.”

“See, I knew you’d come around,” he smiled, his voice light with enthusiasm. However, you couldn’t ignore the weight of anxiousness bubbling in your chest. You looked up at Felix, and you knew that he could see it written on your face.

“Don’t worry,” he said softly, methodically running his fingers through your hair, something he’d learned would help calm you down whenever you were stressed. “I’ll make it worth your time.”

~~~~

Felix did, in fact, make it worth your time. When you arrived at his doorstep the following weekend, you were surprised to find the door unlocked. Carefully, you twisted the knob, peeking inside.

It was safe to say you were surprised.

The apartment was entirely candlelit, the smell of rose scented candles mixing with that of whatever Felix was presently cooking in the kitchen. The table was done up in a way that reminded you of a cheesy Italian restaurant, with a checkered red tablecloth, two glasses for wine, and a rose stationed in the middle.

Felix emerged from the kitchen, a wide, toothy grin on his face. He was wearing an apron, patterned with an alarming amount of cartoon kittens, over what appeared to be a rather expensive suit.

“I feel like I’m underdressed,” you stated, unable to mask the pure awe in your voice. Nobody, not even Chan, had done anything like this for you. Not to mention the fact that you and Felix weren’t even dating… 

Were you? This seemed like an awful lot of effort to put in for someone you were only hooking up with.

“Nah, you look great. Don’t worry about it,” Felix said. “Now if you don’t mind, I’ll take your jacket Mademoiselle.”

You laughed, taking off your overcoat and handing it to him. “That’s French. I thought you were going for Italian,” you joked, attempting to hide the warmth flooding to your cheeks.

“Shhh,” he said, setting your jacket down on the couch before putting his hands on your shoulders. “Just let me have this one. Okay?”

“Okay,” you said quietly, giving him a kiss on the cheek. You felt oddly shy, surrounded by such a scene. 

“Well if you’ll take a seat, I can show you what I’ve been making in the kitchen,” he said, moving towards the table and pulling out the chair. You complied, sitting down and shifting your focus to the wonderful smell wafting in from the kitchen. 

Felix disappeared before appearing with two plates, setting one down in front of you. “Shrimp Scampi,” he clarified. You glanced up at him and you could tell he was slightly nervous. Knowing Felix, he was probably worried you wouldn’t like it.

How someone could possibly not appreciate all of this, was entirely beyond you.

You decided to reassure him. “It looks amazing, Felix. All of this,” you said, gesturing to the room around you. “This is incredible. I can’t believe you did this, it's so… unbelievably sweet.”

“Well,” he said shyly, removing the apron and setting it down on the kitchen counter. “I knew you were worried about coming over here. So, I guess I just wanted to make it the best I could. Less terrifying and more something you’d really enjoy. You know?”

If your cheeks weren’t red before, they certainly were now. It took everything in you not to lean over the table and kiss him right then and there.

He grabbed a bottle of wine from the liquor cabinet behind him, pouring the liquid into your glass. “White wine?” You questioned with a smirk. “I thought you would have gone with red.”

He chuckled, beginning to fill his own. “I thought about it, but it felt a little too cliche. Besides,” he said, corking the bottle and setting it back down on the table. “White goes better with seafood.”

You picked up your glass, taking a small sip. “Pinot grigio?”

He raised his eyebrows, smirking. “A bit of a wine connoisseur, are we?” 

You laughed. “Something like that.” 

Truth be told, you weren’t. Frankly, you’d always much preferred scotch. However, Chan was big on wine. From the two years you’d spent together, you’d managed to pick up a thing or two.

The rest of the dinner passed smoothly. The food was delicious, the wine smooth, the conversation breezy. You’d calmed down from the initial shock of it all, and had settled back into the comfortable atmosphere you and Felix had developed over the past few weeks.

After you’d both finished your meals, he rose to his feet, setting your plates down on the kitchen counter before disappearing around the corner, into the living room. You were wondering if you should follow him, when suddenly classical music started to fill your ears.

You rose to your feet, peering around the corner to see Felix stationed beside a record player. He smiled, before extending a hand out towards you. “Come on, dance with me.”

“You sure are cheesy today, huh?” You laughed, taking his hand anyway. You laid your head against his chest, the two of you swaying gently, a sorry attempt at a Waltz. 

The music from the record filled the room, the notes dancing along with the two of you, a symphony of affection. You quickly recognized the piece as The Four Seasons.

“Vivaldi is my favourite composer,” you mumbled into his chest.

“I know, you told me a while ago,” he spoke quietly.

“Ah,” you said, smiling to yourself over the fact he remembered. “I’m surprised you have a record of him, I know you aren’t the classical type.”

“You’re right, I’m not,” he laughed. “It’s actually one of my roommates.” 

“I see. What are they like?” Even with all the time you’d spent together, you and Felix had never talked about the people in your personal lives. 

“Hmm,” Felix hummed. Although he didn’t say anything, you could tell he was happy that you asked. That you were slowly breaking the barrier you’d put around yourself. 

“Well, Han- that’s whose record this is- he’s... well he’s loud, but I think you’d really like him. He’s studying music theory, wants to be something of a composer himself. He’s a bit messy, but if you harp on him enough he’ll keep his shit clean.” 

“He sounds nice,” you offered kindly. “What about your other one?”

“Ah, yeah. Changbin. His name is Changbin,” Felix said, but you could tell there was something off about his tone.

“What about him?”

“He’s… he’s going through a lot right now. But normally he’s the coolest. He’s also in music theory, so he and Han help eachother out a lot. He’s the type to bring you food when you’ve been working on a paper all day, because he knows you’ve forgotten to eat. Always there for you, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it,” you said. Talking about Changbin seemed to make Felix nervous, based on the way he wouldn’t meet your eye and the apprehension in his voice. You could bet it had to do with whatever Changbin was going through at the moment, but despite your curiousness you decided to drop it. It wasn’t any of your business.

The two of you swayed in silence for a few moments. There was nothing left to say on the matter.

“You know,” you said suddenly. “You said you wanted to show me your space, but I still haven’t seen your bedroom.”

Felix smirked. “Ah, I guess you haven’t. Why, you impatient for something?”

You laughed, looking up at him. “Get your head out of the gutter, Lix. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Mhm. Yeah, sure you don’t,” he returned, taking your hand and leading you down the hallway to your left. He stopped, turning to open a door that was currently covered in a rather elaborate arrangement of animal stickers. You raised your eyebrows at him.

“Oh right, the stickers,” Felix said, smacking his forehead with his palm. “Han thought it would be funny, but now I can’t get them off.” 

You smiled. Felix was right, you and Han would probably get along. 

The inside of Felix's room was oddly exactly how you had imagined it. Books were stacked neatly on the desk in the corner, ranging from academic texts to various manga. Posters hung on the walls, representing different music artists, some you recognized and others you did not. He had a nintendo switch tossed on his night stand, and plants hanging in the window. The room, while packed, was clean and well in order. An organized sort of chaos.

You laid down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. You felt the mattress sink slightly as he laid beside you.

“Do you like it?” He whispered.

“I do. It’s very you.”

He hummed in acknowledgment, rolling onto his side to face you. His fingers wandered in the air for a moment, before finding themselves placed against your cheek. Gently he stroked his thumb back and forth along your jawbone. 

You smiled, leaning into his touch, placing your own hand in his hair. “I feel like dessert,” you stated.

Felix’s cheeks warmed. “I made brownies,” he mumbled, his gaze deepening. “But something tells me that’s not what you have in mind.”

~~~

It was not what you had in mind, and you’d gone far beyond merely explaining that to Felix. The two of you were tangled together beneath his sheets, his head resting on your chest. The room was dark, preventing you from seeing the details of his face, only the shadows and the curve of his jaw visible in the moonlight. 

“Felix?” You whispered, wondering if he was awake.

“Mmm?” He mumbled, clearly only half-conscious. 

“You know I can’t give you more than this, right? We’ll always have to sneak around, keep us a secret. It’ll never be easy.”

“I know.”

“And you’re really okay with that?”

He reached for your hand, allowing your fingers to intertwine. “If it means I have you, I’ll manage.” 

A moment of silence passed by, as you were unsure of what to say, but something inside of you stirred. Something deep and warm, coming back to life.

“Y/N?” He asked suddenly, breaking the quiet. 

“Yeah?”

“Do I have you?”

“Of course, Lix,” you smiled, finally allowing your eyes to close, putting your mind to rest. “I’m all yours.”

    ~~~~

The following morning you awoke to the sound of rain pattering against the window, Felix still sleeping soundly against your chest. Carefully, you moved his head to the pillow, sliding out from under him and emerging into the hallway.

The apartment felt eerily quiet. You never found yourself in an unfamiliar place in the mornings, and the urge to evacuate and run back to your apartment was more tempting than you would’ve liked to admit. You wouldn’t, of course. Felix had put in the effort to make you feel comfortable, to feel at home. You would honour that, no matter how slightly terrifying it might be.

You wandered into the kitchen, noticing a container full of brownies set on the counter. You smiled, those were supposed to be eaten yesterday, before, well… 

You opened the package taking a bite of the sweet, before spitting it out in shock.

The apartment door swung open wildly, a boy with brown hair and chubby cheeks storming inside, a thick cast around his wrist. He threw his backpack onto the couch, letting the ski’s he was carrying clatter against the wall.

“Felix, you will not believe how bad the hill was. There was hardly even any snow, and the amount of rocks? It was like they wanted me to break my arm! Believe me, you made the right call opting out, it was not worth the drive-”

The boy stopped, his eyes bulging as he finally realized you were in the room. His silence made you quickly realize that you were only sporting one of Felix’s shirts, and while it covered you fine, it told an obvious tale. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Hi!” He said, his mind finally catching up on the situation. 

Alright, this was it. Clearly you and Felix weren’t a secret anymore, at least not with his roommates. Now you had to decide how you were going to play this out. Your mind was buzzing. You knew this was a bad idea. You knew this was dangerous. You fucked up. It was over for you. You were screwed. 

Attempting to settle your racing mind, you decided to make an effort at being friendly for now. 

“Hi,” you smiled, moving behind the kitchen table to cover your legs. “I’m assuming you’re Han?” 

“Yeah, how’d you know?” He laughed.

“Felix mentioned you were a tad… charismatic.” 

Han chuckled. “Did he now? I’ll have to pay him back for that. I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your name-”

Felix burst out of the hallway, his hair a disheveled mess and shirt only half buttoned. “Han! You’re back early!” 

He looked at you, and while you wanted to be furious at him, planned to make him regret getting you to come here, the look of guilt in his eyes stopped you before you could even begin. It were as if the words “I’m Sorry” were branded to his forehead, his features solemn with remorse.

“We have to get out of here,” you thought. “We have to talk about this, figure out what the hell to do.”

“Wait, what did you do to your arm?” Felix asked, just noticing the thick cast.

“Ah,” Han said shyly, rubbing the back of his neck with his good arm. “I wiped out. Like I said, the hill was bad. Not enough snow and too much ice. I slid into a rock and, well… Doctor said I have to keep this on for the next 5 weeks, which blows, obviously,” he motioned to the cast, shrugging his shoulder helplessly. 

Before you could get a word in, he continued. “Oh, have you guys eaten yet? Changbin’s just grabbing-”

Felix quickly cut him off. “We were actually just about to go get something to eat.”

Han raised an eyebrow, glancing from Felix, who looked like he just stumbled out of a 2 year coma, to yourself, who was certainly in no position to walk out the door.  “You were?”

“Yeah!” You exclaimed, perhaps a little too loudly. “I’m just going to, uh, get changed, and then we’ll be out of your hair,” you said, rushing past them and into Felix’s bedroom.

You shut the door behind you, leaning up against the frame before taking a deep breath. Okay, you could do this. You’d make a quick exit, then you and Felix could sort out what to do next. Maybe he could tell them you were just a hookup. But would that look too suspicious? Did they notice he’d been sneaking out almost every night? If they did that would only cause more problems. 

God, this was a fucking mess. You shouldn’t have come, you shouldn’t have come, you shouldn't have come- 

“Y/N?” Felix called, knocking on the door. “Are you almost ready?”

“Y-yeah!” You called back, cringing at the waver in your voice. You had to get yourself together. You threw on your jeans from the following day, tucking in Felix’s button up and bounded towards the door.

“Alright, I’m ready,” you said, bouncing back into the living room. However, you were surprised to be greeted by someone new. The boy was standing beside Felix and Han, whispering in a rushed, as well as undeniably angry tone. 

More surprising yet, and perhaps unsettling as well, he was glaring at you. No, glaring wasn’t the right word. His eyes screamed bloody murder, his jaw locked, entire body was rigid with a stiffness only produced by vile distaste. It was that look of hatred, that familiar spiteful glaze, which immediately made you recognize him.

“I’ve seen you at the library before,” you stated, taking note of how his eyes widened slightly at the sound of your voice.

The boy cleared his throat. “I don’t think so,” he stated, which was an obvious lie. He’d visited the library several times during the dead of the night, always with that same angry, loathsome stare. You’d always found it unsettling, and always left soon after he arrived, even if you still had work to do.

“Yes, you-” you began, but Felix quickly cut you off. 

“Sorry, Changbin. We were just leaving, I’ll catch you guys later.” He said, taking your arm and quickly ushering you out the entry. You saw Han attempt to call out in protest, but Felix quickly shut the door behind him, blocking whatever it was he had to say.

You turned to Felix. “What the hell was that?”

“What, I figured you’d want to get out of there?” He shrugged, not meeting your eye as he walked ahead of you, making his way down the complex stairs. 

You scowled, chasing after him. “Not that, why was Changbin - or whatever his name is - staring at me like that?”

“That’s just the way Changbin has been lately,” Felix said, although you couldn’t shake the feeling there was something more to it. Pulling your arm away, you pushed passed him. If Felix was going to be so frustrating, there was no way you were going to be the one trailing him like a puppy.

“Well, I know for a fact he’s seen me at the library, so why would he lie about that?” You continued, opening the main doors and storming onto the street. 

Felix jogged after you. “I don’t know?” He shot back, his voice sharp. “Maybe he just forgot?”

You scoffed, turning a corner onto the main walking path, heading off campus and towards your own apartment. You needed to sort this out, and the last thing you needed was to cause a scene in the middle of a busy street.

“Whatever,” you grumbled, still keeping yourself a few steps ahead. “We’ll figure it out when we get back to my place.”

“It’s the middle of the day, I thought that was against your precious rules,” he sniped. You knew he was just angry, blowing off steam, but the jab hurt. He was fully aware that you hated the way things were, the way things had to be. It was a low blow, and it only made your annoyance spike. 

“Fine, Lix. You don’t have to come, go back home so you don’t have to be a burden to my ‘precious rules.’”

“Shit, no. Wait, Y/N!” He babbled, running to put himself in front of you. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for, I didn’t mean that. Please, let’s figure this out. I want to, seriously.”

You stared at him for a moment, before walking past him, a sigh trailing from your lips. “Fine, come on.”

He let out a relieved breath before catching up, placing himself at your side. 

“We need to determine what the hell we’re going to tell your roommates,” you start. “Because as of now, we’ve gotten ourselves into a load of shit-”

You didn’t see the man in front of you as you collided into his chest, falling to the ground, rubbing your nose from the immediate shock of pain. 

“Woah, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there,” the voice said, and your entire body froze. You knew that voice. You knew that voice well. It was a voice you hadn’t heard in months, the voice of the worst possible person you could stumble into at the moment.

“Hold on, Y/N?” Chan asked. You looked up to meet his gaze, petrified by the familiar look of pain in his eyes. The same hurt from the last time you saw him, or in better terms, left him.

“Hey, Chan,” you replied, your voice coming out more shaky than you wanted it to. Chan extended a hand, lifting you to your feet. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” he laughed quietly, scratching the back of his neck. “It sure has.”

Then, to your complete and utter despair, his gaze shifted to Felix. It was alarming, how quickly his gaze hardened, the way any sense of past affection drifted from his eyes. “Who’s this?” He asked, his voice cold. 

“That’s Felix. He’s uh, from class, we got assigned for a partner project. We have to explain how without divine intervention, the events in The Iliad may have transpired differently,” you said. If you were going to lie, you had to at least try to make it sound believable. 

“Ah, I see,” Chan said, an edge to his voice. “Where are you guys heading?”

“Just a cafe,” you replied, keeping your voice level.

“Off campus?” He asked, his eyes narrowing, you felt your heart leap into your throat.

“Yeah,” Felix answered without missing a beat. “Figured it would be less busy, you know?”

“Hm,” Chan said, before giving the boy a smile. To Felix, it probably seemed nice, but you knew Chan. Which meant you also knew there wasn’t an ounce of genuine kindness in that expression. 

“Alright, well I’ll let you guys get to it then,” he shook Felix’s hand, his grip slightly too firm. “It was nice meeting you.”

He took a step to make his exit, and for a moment you thought you’d gotten away with it. You thought that somehow, you’d manage to evade this inevitable disaster. Foolish.

Chan stopped beside you, putting a hand on your shoulder. Turning to Felix, he smiled, his eyes glinting. “And hey, you might want to fix your collar.”

Felix’s eyebrows furrowed, a confused expression on his face as he adjusted the collar of his button-up. That’s when you noticed it. The bite marks just peeked out, visibly fresh from the following night.

Chan leaned in, his breath warm against your neck, lips brushing your ear. Your body froze, heart stopping at his words.

“You’ve got his scent all over you.”

~~~~

You and Felix spent the next few hours deciding your best course of action. In a matter of a day, your entire arrangement had been flipped on its head.

The first issue revolved around Felix’s roommates, the biggest worry being what exactly he was going to tell them. After much thought, as well as a bit of arguing, you decided to have Felix say that the two of you were casually seeing each other. This way, they shouldn’t get suspicious that there was more going on, but they also wouldn’t expect to necessarily see you around their apartment either.

There was still risk in it - of course, there always was - as there was the remaining fear that one of them might mention the two of you to the wrong person, and you’d be doomed. As much as having this as a risk pained you, there wasn’t much you could do about it, at least for the moment. For now, you had to trust that if Felix told them to keep it a secret, they would.

This was difficult, as you truthfully didn’t have faith in either of them. Han seemed nice, of course. But it was clear he liked to talk, and it wouldn’t be shocking if something managed to slip from his lips. 

Changbin... Well, he seemed to hate you, for whatever reason that might be. You tried to talk to Felix about this, but he simply brushed it off, blaming it on whatever Changbin happened to be going through at the moment. Begrudgingly, you decided to drop it, but that didn’t mean you wouldn’t store the worry in the back of your mind. Keep a watchful eye out.

The bigger problem was Chan. He knew. He knew everything. The feeding, the fucking. That Felix was something more than just an acquaintance. He could single-handedly unravel your relationship, all it would take was a quick chat with The Council, and you would be ruined. There would be nothing you could do to stop them. You didn’t know what The Council would do to you, but you knew at the very least they would force you to end your arrangement with Felix.

You wanted to believe that Chan wouldn’t do that. You really did, but you knew that might not be the case. If he saw telling The Council as a way of protecting you, to keep you away from humans that could be out to hurt you, or use you, there was no doubt in your mind that that’s exactly what he would do.

For now, all you could do was wait, and keep as low of a profile as you possibly could at the moment. It was for this purpose that you said the following words:

“I think we need to distance ourselves from each other, for at least a little while,” you said to Felix. He currently was sitting on your couch, elbows resting on his knees, head buried in his hands.

Slowly, he glanced up at you. He looked tired. “Do we have to?” He asked, his voice flooded with defeat. The last few hours hadn't been easy. There were sacrifices to make, ones that neither of you wanted to adhere to. But this was not as simple as what you did and didn’t want.

“Yeah,” you sighed, dropping down on the couch beside him, resting your head on his shoulder. “We have to. I think we could have dealt with your roommates, but Chan is a far bigger issue.”

Felix frowned, and you knew exactly how he felt.

 This sucked. 

Over the past month, you’d really come to like Felix. You genuinely enjoyed his company, his cooking, his sense of humour. The way he brightened up a room. Most of all, he made you feel less alone. Together you were a part of something. A relationship of sorts. You mattered. And while you would do what you could to make sure this farewell wasn’t forever, in the end it was still a goodbye.

And goodbye’s were always hard, no matter what lay behind them.

“Alright,” he murmured, taking your hand in his, gently brushing his thumb against your knuckles. “When should I expect to hear from you again?”

“I’ll give you a call by the end of the week. I might try talking to Chan, just to see where he’s at with all this. Try to make him understand before he decides to throw me under the bus.”

Felix hums in response, before twisting his neck so that his chin rests on top of your head. “I’m going to miss you,” he states simply. 

You smile sadly, planting a soft kiss at the nape of his neck. “I’ll miss you too,” you say, “but this will only be temporary. I’ll make sure of it.”

~~~~

You didn’t get the chance to talk to Chan, as not even a full day after Felix left your apartment, a letter slid under your door. Carefully, you arose from your spot on your couch, setting your laptop down on the coffee table. You approached the envelope slowly, as if you were to move too fast, it might combust.

You picked up the letter, turning it over to reveal the seal. Your heart sunk in your chest.

There it was. The red wax seal. The letter was from The Society. 

Fuck.

You frantically ripped off the seal, releasing the note inside with shaky hands.

Dear Ms. L/N,

We have recently been informed that you have been participating in actions that violate the terms of our Society agreement. This information has been provided to us by a source of whom wishes to remain anonymous for the time being.

However, these claims remain a serious issue. We would like to give you the chance to explain yourself, as well as clear up what may be a possible misunderstanding or simply a false accusation. If these actions happen to be true, then we will deal with matters accordingly.

You are called to attend this meeting at 1:00pm tomorrow, at the councilroom of our head district.

We appreciate your compliance. 

Our regards,

The Council.

~~~~

It’s almost funny, looking back on how hopeful you’d been. That despite everything working against you, you’d somehow thought you could best them. Somehow thought that you were more powerful than the unbeatable. More powerful than The Council.

That’s where you found yourself now, seated before the three all-powerful vampires, surrounded by endless more. You thought you’d be more terrified, more horrified of what they might choose to do to you. 

But you aren’t. You’re tired of this. Tired of it all. So let them do whatever they wanted, you would take it. You didn’t regret any of what you did.

Not a damn thing. 

“Ms. L/N,” the head councilmen repeats, voice dead of emotion. “Do you know why you’re here today?”

Of course you do. He knows damn well that you know exactly why you’re here, you can see it in the smirk playing at the corner of his lips.The question is mockery. 

So you say nothing. 

“Cooperation will make this much easier, Ms. L/N,” another member of The Council speaks from beside him. She looks far younger than he is, although they are probably around the same age. Which is to say, hundreds of years old.

As your silence continues, the head councilman sighs, rubbing the space between his eyes in frustration. “Fine. Let me explain, shall I? We have reason to suspect you’ve been… coercing with a human boy. Felix Lee.”

Your heart jumps slightly. They know his name? You weren’t expecting that, but then again this was The Council. Digging up identities was the least they were capable of.

“Is this true, Ms. L/N?”

You stare at the councilman. There’s no point in lying. He knows. This meeting was not to defend your innocence, but to determine your punishment. You can see it in his eyes. Those hollow, sunken eyes, that seem farther from humanity than you could’ve dreamed possible.

“Yes,” you state. Your eyes drift to the corner of the room, landing on Chan, who’s gaze remains firm. You want to slap him. Or yell at him. Maybe both. 

“Hm, well at least you’re honest,” the councilman murmurs, a light buzz of laughter vibrating throughout the room. This is funny to them, a joke. Irritation itches under your skin, you don’t quite see the humour here.

“Well,” the councilmen starts, a glint in his eye. “In order to reward your honesty, I suppose we won’t punish you.”

You blink. “What?” You say, your voice coming out a croak. You glance at Chan again, who looks equally confused. His eyes are wide, chest heaving as his breathing rate increases. No, he’s not confused, he’s alarmed.

Something is wrong. You glance back at the councilman, and there it is again, that glint of something awful in his eyes. Something evil.

“You heard me correctly, Ms. L/N. We will not punish you,” the last word drips from his tongue, and you come to understand the weight of his words.

“Fuck. No. No, no, no,” you can hardly hear yourself think over the ringing in your ears, your thoughts a jumbled mess of panic and pure terror.

The councilmen clears his throat, a grin spreading across his lips, fangs almost shining in the dim light of the councilroom. 

“No, Felix Lee will be the one to pay this price. Kill him, and the damage you’ve caused will be forgiven.”

~~

next chapter.

[lizbotw]

it’s only sharing a disgustingly sweet milkshake at the local college town diner after both of your evening classes that suna graciously provides the answers to the math homework.

the spongy pencil eraser is easy for you to sink your teeth into as you puzzle over his handwriting. “you know,” you mumble around the nib, trying to figure out if that’s a 5 or a 6, “i never know why you do this to me every week.” this time the drink with two plastic straws floating in an unhealthy heaping of whip cream is a syrupy strawberry flavor.

rintarou tips forward to sip at one of them and in your peripheral, chunky pink-coated fruit pieces travel up the clear tube and disappear between his lips. he releases the straw with an annoying ah that makes you frown, even if you weren’t concentrating in the first place. “aw, don’t tell me you don’t like hanging out with me.” he feigns hurt.

a well placed sip of your own allows you to avoid having to answer that—you have a personal rule of never being sappy in the presence of calculus. if you didn’t like him, suna knows you wouldn’t be hanging out with him—there are just some things you can’t do, even if it’s for the sake of your grade. none of this has to be said out loud of course, but he decides to be annoying and ask anyway.

actually—well... maybe hanging out is... not exactly how this appears to bystanders.

sharing a drink like this, you two probably look more like a couple on a (terribly cheap) afternoon date, rather than two broke college students that split meals to save money and believe that sharing answers for homework isn’t cheating, it’s collaboration.

ha, as if it would ever be different—things like the former never come true. maybe in movies, but that’s about where the line is drawn.

as if he knows what you’re thinking, suna raises an eyebrow at you over the glass, a smile playing on his lips—the same stupid look he always gives you. it feels particularly worse this evening.

it’s hard to avoid eye contact with him mere inches away, but you manage when a car painted a very interesting shade of red rumbles past the fingerprint covered window. you’re grateful for the distraction.

the subject changes when you realize suna has terrible taste when it comes to ordering milkshakes. “what flavor is this?” you spit out the word as though the very concept of calling this a real flavor is more disgusting than the drink itself, smacking your lips and screwing up your face at the excessively saccharine, artificial strawberry aftertaste.

this is no ordinary strawberry milkshake. no, this is a so-bad-only-suna-rintarou-would-order-something-this-horrible-(and-not-necessarily-on-purpose-either) strawberry milkshake.

“valentine’s valor,” he states matter-of-factly like those words mean anything to you. you stare at him until he elaborates. “their valentine’s special,” he clarifies and is gifted with a sarcastic thumbs-up from you in thanks—it is pointedly ignored and suna slings an arm over back of his seat. “dunno the exact flavor though. forgot.”

it tastes like the embodiment of pink, you decide. valentine’s valor. what a stupid name. there are a million and one better words that start with v... you can name at least five with a little thinking. you should ask them to hire you as part of their marketing team, you decide.

maybe it’s fitting title though. you certainly need valor to even think about taking another sip of that... concoction—which you do because you are obsessed with getting your money’s worth.

“valentine’s day was half a week ago?” your mental calendar helpfully supplies.

the clatter of pans in the back kitchen somehow mingles charmingly with the way rintarou throws his head back to laugh—a scene straight out of a movie really. you decide you hate him in the moment. “right you are. want a prize?” ugh. you stick your tongue out at his tone.

great. as if to add insult to injury, of course you’re sharing an out-of-date love holiday special with suna of all people. valentine’s was four days ago and this is where you are on a thursday night. the sticky upholstery of the booth seat, ripped and fraying at the corners, squeaks and groans and attaches itself to the fabric of your jeans as you shift around, suddenly hot. what a strange situation to be in, you think. this has to be a metaphor for life—then again, you’d been thinking this whole... thing has been a metaphor anyway.

yup, ever since suna sat next to you in a calculus II lecture all those fated months ago and took pity on how much you fucking sucked at math, up until the present where he takes slightly less pity on you but does enjoy emptying your dorm mini-fridge and making you pay for his milkshakes—all of it. this entire thing with him. one big stupid metaphor.

the specifics of how you came to have a routine like this are certainly murky, but two things are for certain—one, your calculus grade is certainly a lot better than it would have been otherwise, and two, you have one friend more than you did at the start of the school year. (that last one is kind of a big deal, you think. the college social scene is brutal. the word friend has started to become more disappointing than exhilarating lately though.)

rin reaches to your left to pick at the fries you’d ordered as a side—you’ve learned not to try and stop him. “also,” he adds, mouth full, “you’re totally getting me a new pencil after this.” yes, true, the pencil you’re currently leaving frustrated teeth marks all over isn’t yours. very easy to forget in the moment. you’ve probably destroyed 15 of his pencils by now for the 15 weeks of the last semester—only 7 so far for the current one. you do the mental math.

instead of drawing in the sharp lines of the differential equation that should be going in the question box, you lightly trace in the curves of a 2 and then another one next to it in the corner of the worksheet, graphite underlining them both in one swoop. the horribly thin paper of the school library’s printer is scratchy as you write but soon you flip the pencil over and under your fingers to tap the eraser (that has seen better days) just below what you wrote. “this is pencil number 22.”

suna leans over to look at the number as if you hadn’t just told him what it said. what an idiot. “glad you’re keeping count.” he settles back into his seat. “when can i expect my reimbursement?”

“you’re funny,” you say, without a hint of humor in your voice. the pretty 22 you had written now has flower petals growing off of the sides as you get distracted doodling along the edges of your work. it’s quiet for a moment as he watches you, or maybe as he takes the chance while you’re distracted to shove more french fries down his throat—either option is plausible and you don’t lift your eyes to check.

something occurs to you.

“rin.” you take an extended pause in between the words as you continue drawing, just to annoy him. you don’t continue speaking until he grumbles in acknowledgment (you try to hide your smile). “do you ever doodle in your notebooks?” now that you thought about it, suna was surprisingly pretty straight-laced when it came to class—you couldn’t ever recall him ever slacking off to the degree that meant his pages were filled with hearts and stars and flowers and suns and atomically inaccurate animals and tiny people in different colored ink. your work was always certainly the more vibrant out of the two (perhaps that could explain your grades and how you understand like... nothing in your lectures, but you decide correlation does not equal causation).

“waste of time,” he says around another mouthful of fries, another one already halfway there to his mouth.

suna is also surprisingly negative at times—but the blue book flipped open to his homework says maybe he’s just a liar though. you squint at it.

“it’s still pretty early but we probably should get out of here soon,” suna says, pulling his phone out from his pocket to check the time and leaning his elbows on the table. “i’ll walk you back. your roomie doesn’t leave the gym until 9—before you ask, yes i’ve been keeping track. it’s not stalking if it’s for my own sake.”—rin is, of course, referring to the long standing rivalry between him and your (very nice, might you add) roommate you don’t really understand but which has cumulated in him deciding he would avoid them as much as humanly possible purely out of spite. (“the only person i like in dorm 302 is you,” he’d told you one time and the throwaway sentence maybe made your heart flutter more than it probably should’ve.)

the bell above the front door jingles behind you as another patron enters. rin glances up at the sound and then returns to his phone with a bored bat of his eyes, probably scrolling through twitter or replying to texts, and picking at his teeth with a toothpick (where did he even get that?).

you try to get back to work (copying) but something in your gut tells you there’s more to his notebook than the messy handwriting and crossed out words that meet the eye.

with suna distracted, you take the chance to carefully slide the book towards you and then, in a single quick swipe, pull it into your lap under the table, already leafing to the back pages—everyone knows that’s where the real secrets are—not sure what to expect. a flash of color makes you pause and you flip back to a page that has the corner folded into a tiny, crisp triangle.

whatever you were thinking suna had stashed in the back of his calculus notebook certainly does not match up with what’s staring you in the face currently. sparkly, gel-inked hearts in neon colors glitter under the fluorescent overheads. in each of them, written in capital letters neater than you thought possible for suna, is your initials, a small plus sign in the middle, and then S.R. (for none other than suna rinatoru) next to it. it instantly makes sense to you. “rin, what the fuck.” one side of the book dangles from your hand, pages fluttering, and you hold it up for him to see, other hand flying to cover your mouth because you don’t know whether to laugh or pretend to be mortified or what.

it’s very amusing to watch how suna goes from a disinterested stare, to widened eyes, to reaching over the heaps of school supplies to attempt to grab the book from you, frantic. you hold it just out of reach. “what are you—” an old lady at a table shushes him when he half-screams. “—give that back,” suna whisper-yells instead in the greatest verbal equivalent of tiny caps you’ve ever heard.

“not a chance.”

he looks like he wants to lunge across the table and pry his prized possession from your meddling hands, but also has half the mind not to make a scene. getting kicked out and then subsequently banned from his favorite diner all on a noise complaint and disorderly conduct accusation was not ideal.

you hum, flip back to your place, and observe the drawings covering the lined pages. you shoot him a venomous smirk over the edge of the cover, one that’s more theatrics than anything, and say with all the satisfaction of someone who knows they have all the power, “oh, this is gold.” he deflates and you feel grateful he doesn’t see right through your facade because oh man are you sweating inside right now. what the fuck? no way suna rintarou is drawing little hearts with both of your initials in it like a lovesick middle schooler. no fucking way. you almost want to tell him that you did the same thing once when the thoughts about him had gotten especially bad (you felt guilty afterwards though, thinking you never had a chance with him, but... now... if he’s doing the same—well, that kind of changes everything).

suna is utterly defeated you think—doesn’t even try to defend himself, just slumps in his seat with a groan. you at least expected a “i can explain!” from him, a last attempt at dignity, not the resigned “i’m never going to live this down, am i?” he mumbles after a few seconds. well, either works for you.

“nope,” you quip, maybe a little too cheerfully because the response you receive is a distressed wail and him banging his head against the table. the old lady shushes him again. you chuckle at that (it feels a little wobbly though because once again, freaking out here) and flip the page. you stop.

this one has similar perfect little hearts drawn all over it, but there are other things. cute, standard shaky drawings of misshapen dogs and volleyballs and other things you never thought suna would take it upon himself to create but all of which make sense are there. but there’s something else. little scribbles in the corners with your last name swapped with his and even him trying out his name with your last one—all of them are scratched out but not so much you can’t read them. a list on the right in a very tiny font that makes you think he was embarrassed even penning the words is titled “date ideas?” (the question mark is in red and the dot is a heart) and has several popular spots around town written down in the local lingo of unofficial names for them.

“listen... please let’s forget about this.” rin’s voice is muffled and he’s still faceplanted. “it’s fine if you don’t... you know... yeah.” if you don’t feel that way, he means. true, the doodles were a pretty good indication of his feelings.

what to do...

well... you take pity on him, let your lips upturn and your eyes soften to reflect the sentiment, and shut the book with a quiet thud. you slide it back across the table from where it came and back to him silently. you give it a resounding pat when suna peeks up at you, expression saying it all—he was so going to get you back for this. you stick your tongue out—acceptance of the challenge. and just like that, you’re friends again—maybe that’s what’s so great about suna.

as you get ready to leave and slowly begin the trek back to the dorm buildings with him, street lamps glimmering a pasty yellow, there’s no awkward tension, no need to ask questions, no verbal wonderings about what ifs between you two. it’s just joking and shoving each other around and challenges to see who can run to the next tree the fastest in the middle of the chilly february night. you know, maybe for now you’ll keep your own thoughts a secret.

[4ragon]

oh can we please hear the magatama essay??

Oh boy oh boy, let’s go

Ahem

How to Lie to the Magatama

An essay by JJsADragon

Unlocking Psyche-Locks with the Magatama is a really fun mechanic throughout the Ace Attorney series. It’s introduced in Justice for All when Pearl charges the Magatama Maya gifts to Phoenix with spiritual energy. She describes it thusly: “This is the power of the Magatama. Only you can see these "Psyche-Locks", Mr. Nick… The more someone wants to hide their secret, the more locks you will see. If it's only one, I think you can easily unlock it.” 

Basically: If someone has a secret they don’t want to share, you have to present in-game evidence and break the locks. Things get a little more complicated with the introduction of Black Psyche-Locks, but the general gist of it stays the same. Someone has a secret they don’t want to tell you, and you can unlock that secret with evidence.

This, I believe, is fundamentally wrong.

Why do I think that? Well, I always really like picking apart these mechanics, both as in-game mechanics and how they would work in the real world. In particular, I think the most interesting way to see how something works is to figure out its shortcomings. What does and doesn’t set off Apollo’s bracelet? Why doesn’t Athena notice The Phantom’s whole deal? And, more to the point, when does the Magatama straight up get things wrong?

There are several moments I want to focus on. We have seen the Magatama fail several times throughout the series. Or, to clarify, we have seen at least one time when locks should have appeared where they did not, and several times where the chains did appear and the answers uncovered were either incomplete or just straight-up incorrect.

So, let’s find out how and why the Magatama fails us. First up: 

The False Negative: Farewell, My Turnabout

Fortunately, I think this one is the easiest one to understand. The Magatama has one very clear false negative in Justice for All: Farewell, My Turnabout. Phoenix asks Matt Engarde if he murdered Juan Corrida, and he replies, “Just so we're clear, dude, I didn't kill anyone, and that includes Juan Corrida, OK?” And he’s correct. He didn’t kill anyone. He did not actively commit any murders. And on that technicality, the Magatama does not go off. He did not kill anyone, and he knows it. He believes it. He feels no residual guilt over it. His hands are clean. Hell, he seems kind of gleeful about the fact that he was ‘technically right’ when the truth comes out later.

So, why didn’t a Psyche-Lock appear? As I said, it was a technicality. He wasn’t trying to hide it from Phoenix, he just truly felt no responsibility for what happened. He felt no guilt about it. The Psyche-Locks don’t appear until Matt’s secrets come up. 

This, of course, lines up neatly with our understanding of the Magatama. This instance very clearly falls within what we know about Psyche-Locks. If you’re not trying to hide it, if you truly believe what you’re saying, it’s not a secret the Magatama will alert you to. So, what about these other instances? Do these line up as neatly in the rules of the Psyche-Locks?

The Half Truth: The Cosmic Turnabout

This one is a little strange so I’m just going to touch on this.

In day one of your investigations for The Cosmic Turnabout, you run into a conflicted Bobby Fulbright. When pressed, two Psyche-Locks appear, and unlocking them leads you to three conversations: 1) The bomb threat before the launch, 2) Why Simon Blackquill was given permission to prosecute, and 3) The mysterious Phantom.

So why do I call this a false positive? After all, he is technically hiding all these things. And yet, a lot of how this Psyche-Unlocking goes down doesn’t really make as much sense when you consider that Bobby Fulbright is The Phantom. It really doesn’t make much sense how much information he’s feeding them about the situation, unlocked Psyche-Locks or not. Especially the way he goes about the whole thing. 

We know in hindsight that The Phantom doesn’t actually care about Simon Blackquill or solving the crime that he committed. Every display of emotion is an act. So why does he make a big show of feeling conflicted? Why does the bomb threat that he made lead him to divulging all of these worries about Simon going after the Phantom? Was him revealing this information part of his game? Since we know he was trying to cover his tracks, was he feeding us half truths for a reason? Did he want to feed us this information?

If that’s the case, that leads us to a new problem. Since the question asked was “Why Are You Being Cooperative”, why wouldn’t the fact that he was the Phantom ping the Magatama? He was being cooperative so that he could feed you information, not because he cared about any of the things he was ‘troubled’ by. So why does the Magatama only pick up on half the truth? After all, the Phantom wasn’t knowingly tricking the Magatama.

(Also if you haven’t read this comic I thought it was a super interesting theory. Not sure I ascribe to it 100% but it was a really interesting take.)

I think it’s important to note in this example that, no matter how you interpret The Phantom’s actions, all signs point to him wanting to divulge this information for one reason or another. There was an intent about it. He may not have known a thing about the Psyche-Locks, but he very clearly was baiting the protagonists with an intent. And technically, without knowing it, he was also baiting the Magatama. 

This means that, in the end, the information he actually revealed to the protagonists was not a closely guarded secret of the heart. Yes, you still needed to present evidence and draw it out of him, but I think The Phantom wanted the characters to draw it out of him. It’s not a secret that a bumbling detective was having trouble hiding, it was information that a spy wanted planted. There was intent here, no matter how you look at it. And that leads us to our third example.

The False Positive: The Stolen Turnabout

Unlike the previous two cases, this is the first time that someone has straight up lied to the Magatama. Trials and Tribulations: The Stolen Turnabout. I always get so mixed up by this case. It took me three playthroughs to finally get the hang of who was doing what where and when. And do you know why that was? It was because of one lie that Luke Atmey told us early in the investigation.

Phoenix: Detective Atmey... You were knocked unconscious by the thief, weren't you!?

Atmey: Ha ha ha! Surely you must be joking... You think that I, Luke Atmey, could be knocked unconscious so easily!?

Phoenix: This sword proves it!

Atmey: ...! Th-That's...

Phoenix: Before the theft, this sword was in the hand of the statue of Ami Fey. Furthermore... at that time, it was not bent.

Atmey: Aaah... Err...

Phoenix: ...There's only one explanation. You were struck on the head and knocked unconscious by this sword! Well, Detective!? What about it!?

Atmey: ...I'm impressed. You truly are an "Ace Attorney"...

Unlock Successful

Unlike every other instance, this is just a straight-up lie. This is not a technicality, like with Matt Engarde. This is not pieces of the truth, like The Phantom. This is just factually incorrect. Luke Atmey was not knocked unconscious by Mask☆Demasque. In fact, this not only is a lie, it’s a calculated lie. Without knowing about the Magatama or its capabilities, Luke Atmey used it to convince us that he was knocked unconscious by Mask☆Demasque at the scene of the crime to disguise the fact that he was Mask☆Demasque, which is even wilder when you realize later that even that was a lie! He was covering up a lie with another lie with another lie. It was not just a ploy to fool you into thinking he was attacked my Mask☆Demasque, it was also a part of him convincing you that he was Mask☆Demasque when he wasn’t.

So why the FUCK does the Magatama go off?!

There’s of course a meta answer. The writers weren’t thinking that hard about it. They just wanted to use the Psyche-Locks to make the story more interesting. But that’s boring. I want to go deeper.

Luke Atmey, like The Phantom later on, wanted information planted. But he couldn’t simply tell everyone he was attacked by Mask☆Demasque. After all, he knew admitting to it would put his credentials under scrutiny. So he needed someone to organically draw it out of him. Again, he wanted this information out there. Otherwise, him agreeing to Phoenix’s conclusions, hell, him setting up this scenario with the Shichishito wouldn’t make any sense. Plus, it was only behind one Psyche-Lock and led to him revealing a photo of the crime, one that he was very meticulous about taking to create an alibi.

So. What does this all mean? How are people confusing the Magatama? How are people lying? I think that the element that Pearl got wrong in her initial explanation is that the Magatama reacts to secrets that, deep down, a person wants to divulge. After all, with enough evidence, you can eventually draw all sorts of information out of a person. Some are certainly more closely guarded secrets than others, but in the end, I think the Magatama reacts to secrets that a character wants to share but is not willing to do so without that prompting. It doesn’t have to be real, it just has to be something the person is keeping secret with the intent of finding a way to plant the information.

This can even apply to Black Psyche-Locks. Unconscious secrets that are hidden even from the person hiding them? Those are deep hurts that I think drive a lot about these characters’ personalities and motivations, and I think things like that are the kinds of stuff that a character wants to confront but is unable to do so out of fear, so they push it from their minds.

Let’s look at a few more examples. In Bridge to the Turnabout, Miles demands info from Larry, and he’s able to completely circumvent the Psyche-Locks by divulging something completely irrelevant about his crush on Iris. When Miles realizes his mistake, he discovers a completely new set of Psyche-Locks. Or when Phoenix confronts “Iris” about the presence of another Iris at the crime, “Iris” (cough Dahlia cough) uses that to start planting these ideas about Iris as the original betrayer, as the one who had wronged Dahlia in the first place. I feel these are both things that the characters did want to share, despite not wanting to do it unprompted.

Anyway, uh, that’s most of what I got. Perhaps there’s a stronger answer out there for why the Magatama may react in places it shouldn’t. Maybe there’s some other hidden rule they haven’t mentioned. Or maybe it is just as simple as “The writers didn’t think that hard about it.” But hey, I think I like this interpretation better.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

What do you consider demonizing Azula vs objectively describing her less flattering traits and harmful actions?

Honestly, it all comes down to word choice and language at the end of the day imo. If someone’s character analysis is presented with a certain tone I’m more inclined to say that they are demonizing her. For example saying that “ as a child Azula demonstrated red flags for mental illness and should have been helped” is a lot less antagonizing than “Azula was born evil, she liked to tease and bully Zuko from the start.” One of these statements addresses the complexities of her situation (a broken home and several poor adult influences/examples) while the other basically places full blame on a child. Things like that. I really, really do believe that it’s all about the tone an Azula analysis is presented in. 

Personally I would agree that some of her childhood behaviors, like setting Zuko’s pants on fire and burning some of the bushes in the place garden were huge red flags. They are harmful actions. BUT a lot of those could be 1. attention getting antics because her mother usually paid more attention to her when she misbehaved. 2. Her emulating Ozai and his attitude. And stuff like, “dad’s going to kill you.” Is very much Azula mimicking what her father demonstrated as well as her father actively rewarding her for behaviors like that. These are definitely harmful actions that started getting worse as she got older. An analysis like that is fair and not demonizing imo, because it recognizes that Azula is still a kid and it doesn’t write off the possibility for her to unlearn some of these behaviors later in life with the right help. 

While something like, “even child Azula is a insane, look what she did to Zuko! What kind of sociopath sings-songs about someone’s dad killing them!?” Here is an example of using buzzwords and implying that mental illness as something that automatically makes someone evil. It puts all blame on Azula while factoring out the adults in her life that either sat passive or actively taught her these behaviors. This, imo, is demonizing. 

One of my biggest peeves at the moment is when they say that fucking Ozai and Zhao are more redeemable. Zhao was literally seen in the Avatar universe version of Hell. It is canon that he did not get redemption. So by extension it is canon that he is NOT more redeemable than Azula whose fate is still ambiguous. And there is not one argument that can convince me that the grown ass man who burned his own son’s face off while tearing apart his self-worth is more redeemable than a fourteen year old girl. There is not one argument that can convince me that a man who made a weapon out of his daughter and (heavily implied) abused his wife (at least emotionally) is more redeemable than a fourteen year old girl. Usually I try to keep an open mind and be nice about my opinions in these discourses but I just can’t with this one; I think that this particular statement is stupid as hell. Ozai and (especially in canon and in Hell) Zhao are NOT more redeemable than Azula. Bye, miss me with that dumb shit. 

Some more specific examples that come to mind are;

 When people make Azula out to be a murderer and/or a sadist

The turtle duck thing

Baby Azula.  

The murder thing drives me nuts because, first of all, she’s a solider. She’s at war. Her one kill was a combat kill, he came back to life, and he was entering the Avatar state. Now correct me if I’m wrong but Aang killed Zhao in the Avatar state. You can’t tell me that no one died or was seriously injured in the episode ‘The Avatar State’. So of course she’s gonna shoot him down; he could have killed her just as well. He had no control over the Avatar state at the time. 

Furthermore she has the least amount of collateral damage. And one of the smallest body counts. Aang has killed so many background characters via the Avatar state. Sokka killed Combustion man. Sokka, Suki, and Toph killed several soldiers by crashing those war blimps in the finale. I think that you get the point. But none of them get called murders like Azula does. Everyone seems to be well aware that all of those were combat kills. The reason they get called soldiers instead of murders is because they are protagonists. 

Azula is not a murder. She is a solider. Combat kills are different than murder. They are horrible and unfortunate all the same but it isn’t murder. 

And then there’s the sadist claim. At best I think that that’s a misinterpretation of character. At least from my personal POV. I've seen it argued that she’s not a sadist but only because it’s more coinvent not to be; that she would be one if  she had time for it. But I think that a true sadist wouldn’t give a shit if it’s not convenient. If she were a sadist I feel like she would go out of her way to hurt people like Chit Sang even if it’s not necessary. Azula does only what’s necessary and that’s it. I do think that Azula is merciful. Perhaps not conventionally so but she isn’t cruel. She takes prisoners and as far as we’ve seen on screen those prisoners aren’t treated particularly bad (by Azula anyhow). She doesn’t torture her prisoners and she doesn’t kill them. 

Now, I will give more of an open mind to people who say that she is an EMOTIONAL sadist of sorts. I do think that she gets a kick out of scaring people and bullying people. I’m on the fence with this argument though because how much of her getting a kick out of Zuko’s suffering is her also being relieved that it is not her. And how much of it is more run of the mill teenage bullying? This is one thing where I’m more than willing to hear from the other side. 

I think that the murderer and sadism thing is very much an attempt to demonize her. I think that it can be an exaggeration of her unflattering behaviors. I’m not saying that the things she did aren’t harmful but I do think that some people over exaggerate them or make up stuff that isn’t there; I’ve seen people state that she ‘probably killed so many soldiers off screen’. There is no canon evidence to support this? Likewise these are generally the same people who tell Azula fans that they can’t say Azula was abused off screen. 

The other big one is the turtleduck one. Zuko demonstrates how Azula feeds turtleducks. He throws a piece of bread. I don’t know where the rock thing came from. Furthermore I very much think that Azula chucking a loaf of bread at a turtleduck is just a small child being a little shit. When I was like five or six I yeeted a good half a loaf at a duck because, “the more food they get the happier they are, right????” To me that just seems more like a small child who has not learned impulse control than a child who likes hurting animals. This whole argument, at least imo, is actively demonizing a child for actions that aren’t exactly uncommon for children. The problem is when the child doesn’t learn that yeeting whole loafs at turtleducks is a bad thing. THIS is where I see a fair argument forming because (as of late) Azula didn’t seem to have unlearned this behavior. This is an example of one of those red flags I mentioned in the first paragraph. Which is where some nuance and critical thinking needs to come in. The complexities that I mentioned above about how the child isn’t 100% to blame here. The adults in her life should have tried to teach her better and/or Ozai need to fuck on off and stop teaching her to do wrong. 

And finally baby Azula. I’ll just drop a link here because I already talked about this. But the tone of The Search literally tried to demonize a whole baby. The way the narrative decided frame her was really unnecessary. I really don’t see how this scene contributed to the story other than to remind readers that ‘Azula was always evil, see!’ Nevermind that she’s sleeping in a whole crib. Because that’s a literal infant. 

Anyhow I might come back to this later to add more or clarify but I’m about to make lunch so I’ll end this here for now. Feel free to discuss further. I definitely don’t mind hearing from the other side so long as arguments are respectful and open minded.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Dark”

Welcome back, everyone! Can you believe it's been six weeks already? I can't. Something something the uncomfortable passage of time during a pandemic as emphasized by a web-series.

But we're here to talk about RWBY the fictional story, not RWBY the cultural icon. At least, we will in a moment. First, I'd like to acknowledge that shaky line between the two, growing blurrier with every volume. A sort of good news, bad news situation.

The bad news — to get that out of the way — is that we cannot easily separate RWBY from its authors and those authors have, sadly, been drawing a lot of negative attention as of late. This isn't anything new, not at all, but I think the unexpectedly long hiatus gave a lot of fans (myself included) the chance to think about Rooster Teeth's failings without getting distracted by their biggest and brightest production. There's a laundry list of problems here — everything from the behavior of voice actors to the quality of their merch — but as a sort of summary issue, I'd like to highlight the reviews that continue to pop up on websites like Glassdoor, detailing the toxic, sexist, crunch-obsessed environment that RT employees are forced to work in. A lot of these websites requires a login to read more than a page of reviews, but you can check out a Twitter thread about it here. 

Now, I want to be clear: I'm not bringing this up as a way to shame anyone enjoying RWBY. This isn't a simplistic claim of, "The authors are Problematic™ and therefore you can't like the stuff they produce." Nor is this meant to be a catch-all excuse for RWBY's problems. If it were, I'd have dropped these recaps years ago. I'm of the belief that audiences maintain the right to both praise and criticize the work they're given, regardless of the context in which that work was produced. At the end of the day, RT has presented RWBY as a finished product and, more than that, presents it as an excellent product, one worth both our emotional investment and our money (whether in the form of paying for a First account, or encouraging us to buy merch, attend cons, etc.) I'll continue to critique RWBY as needed, but I a) wanted fans to be at least peripherally aware of these issues and b) clarify that my use of "RT" in statements like, "I can't believe RT is screwing up this badly" is meant to be a broad, nebulas acknowledgement that someone in the company is screwing up, either creatively (doesn't have the skill to write a good scene) or morally (hasn't created an environment in which other creators are capable of crafting a good scene). The real, inner workings of such companies are mostly a secret to their audiences and thus it's near impossible for someone like me — random fan writing these for fun as a casual side hobby — to accurately point fingers. Hence, broad "RT." I just wanted to clarify that when I use this it's as a necessary placeholder for whoever is actually responsible, not a damnation of the overworked animator breaking down in a bathroom. Heavy stuff, but I thought it was necessary (or at least worthwhile) to acknowledge this issue as we head into the second half of the volume.

Now for the good news: RWBY has reached 100 episodes! For any who may not know, 100 is a pretty significant number in the TV world because, when talking about prime time programming, it guarantees syndicated reruns. Basically, networks don't want audiences to get burned out with a show — changing the channel when it comes on because ugh, I've seen this already, recently too — and 100 episodes allows for a roughly five month run without any repeats, making it very profitable. RWBY is obviously not a television show and doesn't benefit from any of this (hell, modern television doesn't benefit from this as much as it used to, not in the age of streaming), but the 100 episode threshold is still ingrained in American culture. Beyond just being a nice, rounded number, it is historically a measure of huge success and I can't imagine that RT isn't aware of that. Regardless of what we think of RWBY's current quality, this is one hell of a milestone and should be applauded.

All that being said... RWBY's quality is definitely still lacking lol.

Our 100th episode is titled "Dark" — keeping with the one word titles, then — and I'd like to emphasize that, as a 100th episode, it definitely delivers in terms of plot. There's plenty of action, important character beats, and at least one major reveal, everything we'd expect from a milestone and a Part II premiere. The animation also continues to be noteworthy for its beauty, as I found myself admiring many of the screenshots I took for this recap. There are certainly things to praise. The only problem (one we're all familiar with by now) is that these small successes are situated within a narrative that's otherwise falling apart. It's all good stuff... provided you ignore literally everything else surrounding it.

But let's dive into some examples. We open on Qrow starting, awoken by the thunder outside. Robyn has been watching him and makes a peppy comment about how none of them will be sleeping tonight, followed by a more serious, "Sounds bad out there." Yeah, it does sound bad, especially when they all know — thanks to Ruby's message back in Volume 7 — that this is due to Salem's arrival. I think a lot of the fandom has forgotten that little detail because people often discuss Qrow as if he is entirely ignorant of what is going on outside his cell. Even if we were to assume that he's forgotten all about the pesky Salem issue (the horror of Clover's death overriding everything else, perhaps) he still knows that Tyrian is running loose in a heat-less city with a creepy storm going on and, from his perspective, the Very Evil Ironwood is still running the show. So it's bad, which begs the question of why Qrow (and Robyn, for that matter) hasn't displayed an ounce of legitimate worry for everyone he knows out there. Thus far, their interactions have centered entirely around Qrow's misplaced blame and Robyn's terrible attempts to lighten the mood, despite the fact that a war is raging right beyond that wall. It's another example of RWBY's inability to manage tone properly, to say nothing of balancing the multiple concerns any one character should be trying to juggle. Just as it rankles that Ruby and Yang don't seem to care about what has happened to their uncle, Qrow likewise doesn't seem to care about what might be happening to his nieces. When did we reach a point where these relationships are so broken that someone can be arrested/chucked into a deadly battle and the others just... ignore that?

So Robyn's otherwise innocuous comment immediately reminds me of how badly the narrative has treated these conflicts and, sadly, things don't improve much from here. We are thankfully spared more of Robyn's jokes when Qrow realizes that what he's hearing can't be thunder. A second later, Cinder blasts through the wall — called it! — and Qrow instinctively transforms. 

The only downside to this moment is that the whole ceiling falls down on Qrow and the others because APPARENTLY these cells don't have tops on them. Seriously. As far as I can recall we don't see the stone breaking through the forcefield somehow and this looks pretty open to me.

If it is... you're telling me these crazy powerful fighters who practice landing strategies and leap tall buildings in a single bound —

— can't just hop over this mildly high electric fence to get out? Qrow can't just fly away?

We're, like, two minutes in, folks.

We transfer to Nora's perspective as she wakes up, seeing Klein giving her the IV. He tells her not to worry, that "you and your friend are going to be just fine." What friend? Penny? Klein went upstairs prior to Weiss hugging Whitley or Penny crash landing outside. I had thought them bursting through the door with another unconscious friend was the first time he learned what the big bang outside was, but apparently not.

Penny is, obviously, a mess. While I now understand the choice to make her blood such an eye-catching color when that's crucial to the Hound's hunt, I still think it looks strange visually. Like someone has taken a copy of RWBY and painted over it. It doesn't look like it fits the art style. More than that, it implies some rather complicated things about Penny's humanity, especially in a volume focused around her being a "real girl." Real enough for Maiden powers, but with obviously inhuman blood that isn't even referred to as "bleeding." Penny "leaks" instead.

Toss in the fact that she's literally an android who is made up of tech — recall the running gags about her being heavy, or it hurts to fist-bump her, to say nothing of keeping things like multiple blades inside her body — yet Klein says that her "basic anatomy" is the same and he can "stitch up that wound."

I'm sorry, what? Whatever Penny looks like on the inside, it's not going to resemble a human woman's anatomy, and Klein might be able to stitch the outer layer of skin she's got, but that won't do anything to fix whatever metal bits have been broken underneath. Penny isn't a human-robot hybrid, she's a robot with an aura. Penny has knives in her back, rockets in her feet, and a super computer behind her eyes. When our clip introduced that Klein would be the one to help Penny, my initial reaction was, "Seriously? He's a butler and a doctor and an engineer?" But RWBY didn't even try to get away with a Super Klein explanation, they just waved away Penny's very obvious, inhuman anatomy. Yeah, I'm sure "stitching up" an android wound is just like giving Nora her IV. I hope the surgical sutures he used are extra strong!

In an effort to not entirely drag this episode, I do appreciate that Whitley is allowed an "ugh" moment about the non-blood covering his shirt without anyone calling him out on it. That felt like the sort of thing the show would usually try to make a character feel guilty about and I'm glad that, for once, he was just allowed to be frustrated without comment.

Then the power goes out and May calls, which raises questions about what state the CCTS is in and when scrolls are available to our protagonists vs. when they're not. But whatever. She's checking in because she just "saw another bombing run light up the Kingdom" and —

Wait. Bombing? Salem is bombing the city? I know we've seen explosions in the sky, but I'd always just attributed that to evil aesthetic. Why does this dialogue sound like it's from a World War II film and not a fantasy sci-fi show about literal monsters launching a ground attack?

May looks pretty against the sky though. I like her hair color against that purple.

I'm admittedly grasping at positives here because we finally return to her "You have to choose" ultimatum and — surprise! — May has pulled back completely. Ruby says that once they've helped Penny, "We'll...we'll do something!" which is once again her avoiding making a decision. Ruby still refuses to choose, instead falling back on generic, optimistic pep talks. They'll figure out how to stop Salem later. They'll think about the impact of telling the world later. They'll choose who to help later. Ruby keeps pushing these problems into the future where, she hopes, a perfect, magical solution will have appeared for her to latch onto. When that continues to not happen, others pressuring her to actually do something and stop waiting for perfection — Ironwood, Yang, May — she panics and continues stalling for time. Wait an episode and the narrative supports her in this.

Because initially May was forcing Ruby to decide. Now, May enables her desire to keep putting things off. "Don't beat yourself up, kid. At this point, I don't know how much is left to be done." That's the exact opposite of what May believed last episode, that there was still so much work and good to do for the people of Mantle. This is precisely what the show did with Yang and Ren's scenes too, having people call Ruby out... but then return to a message of, 'Don't worry, you're actually doing just fine' before Ruby is forced to actually change.

None of which even touches on May calling her "kid" in this moment. That continues to be a convenient way of absolving Ruby of any responsibility. When she wants to steal airships or Amity Tower, she's an adult everyone should listen to, the leader of this war. When the story wants to absolve her of previously mentioned flaws, she becomes a kid who shouldn't "beat herself up." I said years ago that RWBY couldn't continue to let the group be both children and adults simultaneously, yet here we are.

So that was a thoroughly disappointing scene. Ruby gets her moment to look sad and defeated, listing "the grimm, the crater, Nora, Penny" as problems she doesn't know how to solve. Note that 'Immortal witch attacking the city I've helped trap here' isn't included in that list. Ruby is still ignoring Salem herself and no one in the group is picking up where May left off, challenging her to do more than wring her hands over things others are already trying to take care of: Ironwood is fighting the grimm, May has gone off to help the crater, Klein is patching up Nora and Penny. Ruby, as one flawed individual, should not be expected to come up with a solution to everything, but she does need to stop acting like she can come up with a solution to everything when it matters most (office scene) and rejecting others' solutions when they ask for her help (Ironwood, May).

If it feels like I'm dragging the flawed, traumatized teenager too much, it's not in an effort to ignore those aspects of her identity. Rather, it's because she's also the licensed huntress who wrested control from a world leader and violently demanded she be put in charge of this battle. Ruby, by her own actions, is now responsible for dealing with these problems, or admitting she was wrong and letting others take the lead, without purposefully derailing their plans. She doesn't get to suddenly go, "I don't know," cry a little, and get sympathetic pats.

But of course that's precisely what happens, courtesy of Weiss.

During this whole scene I kept wondering why no one was celebrating Nora waking up, especially when Ruby outright mentions her. Have they just not noticed given all the Penny drama? Because Nora absolutely woke up.

Aaaand went back to sleep, I guess. What was the point of that POV shot? No worries though, she'll wake up again in a minute.

Willow arrives and announces that they can fix the power (and Penny) using the generator at the edge of the property. I'm convinced RT doesn't actually know what a generator is because the characters are acting like it's some super special device that only richy-rich could possibly have. Whitley says that it's the SDC executives who have their "own power supply" and that it's "extremely unfair." Now, don't get me wrong, a good generator powering large portions of your house can run you 30k+, but you can also get one that plugs into your extension cord and powers your fridge for a couple hundred. There's absolutely a class issue here, just not the one Whitley and Weiss seem to be commenting on. They make a generator sound like the sort of device that only a politician-CEO could possible have and it's weird.

Likely, it sounds weird because it's a choppy way of getting Whitley to bring up the wealth disparity so he can then go, 'That's right! We're crazy rich with a company housing tons of ships! We can use those to evacuate Mantle.' Awkwardness aside, I do like that the Schnee wealth is being used for good purposes, but... evacuate where? To the city currently under attack by a giant whale? In a RWBY that wasn't determined to demonize Ironwood, this would have been a great plot point during the office scene instead, with Weiss offering her services to Ironwood, even if the group decides that a continued evacuation still isn't possible.

Instead, we get it here from Whitley. Do I need to point out the obvious? That Whitley is the MVP of this episode? He's done more good in an HOUR than the group has managed in a year. Give this kid some training and make him a huntsmen instead.

We're given a (very pretty!) shot of the shattered moon because it wouldn't be RWBY if we weren't continually reminded that gods once wiped out humanity before destroying part of a celestial body... and absolutely no one talks about that lol.

Blake's coat might not make any sense for her color scheme, but it does make her easy to spot as she and Ruby run across the grounds. Oh my god, they're actually doing something together! It only took eight years. They even get a lovely talk where Blake admits how much she looks up to Ruby, despite her being younger, and once again I'm struck at how much more I would have loved this scene if it had appeared elsewhere in the series. It is, indeed, as sweet and emotional as all the RWBY GIF-ers are claiming... provided you overlook that this is the exact opposite of what Ruby needs to hear right now. She doesn't need to hear that she's more mature and reliable than her elders when she's functioning under a "We don't need adults" mentality. She doesn't need to hear that not knowing what to do is totally fine, not when that led to her turning on Ironwood, despite not knowing how to stop Salem. She doesn't need to hear that "doing something" — doing anything — is a strength, because Ruby keeps avoiding the big problems for smaller ones she's comfortable with, like standing by Penny's bedside instead of deciding between Mantle and Atlas. Blake's speech is heartfelt, but it's a speech that suits a Beacon days Ruby who is having some doubts about her leadership skills, not the girl whose impulsive — and now lack of — actions is having world-wide repercussions. Everyone is babying Ruby to a staggering degree. It's like if we had a med show where the doctor is standing by the bedside of a coding patient, fretting between two treatments. 'Don't worry,' their colleague says, patting their shoulder. 'I've always looked up to you. You'll do something when you're ready' and then they continue to watch the patient, you know, die.

Also: who does Ruby look up to? Everyone talks about how much they depend on and trust Ruby, but who does Ruby look to for guidance? A number of her problems stem from the fact that she has rejected the advice of everyone who has tried to help her improve: Qrow, Ozpin, Ironwood, even Yang. Ruby is presented as the pinnacle of what to strive for in a leader, rather than a leader who has only been doing this for two years and still has a great deal to learn.

Anyway, they get the generator on and the Hound shows up.

I am begging RT to just make RWBY a horror story. All their best scenes the last three years have been horror I am bEGGING —

Anyway, while Ruby waits to be eaten we cut to Willow and Klein, the former of which is reaching for her bottle, pulling back, reaching again, all while her hand shakes. This is good. This is what we should have gotten with Qrow. Which isn't to say that their (or anyone's) addiction should be identical, but rather that this is a far more engaging and complex look at addiction than what our birb got. Willow tells us that she doesn't drink in the dark despite bringing the bottle with her; tries to resist drinking when she's scared and ultimately fails. Qrow just decided to stop drinking after decades of addiction, seemingly for no reason, and that was that. Why is a side character we only met this volume written better than one of the main cast?

Blake manages to call Weiss about the Hound and she asks if Whitley can handle the airships without her. I mean, I assume so given that Weiss is looking at the bookshelves while Whitley does all the work lol. He makes a teasing comment about how he can if she can handle that grimm and she comments that they still need to work on his "attitude."

No they don't. Weiss stuck a weapon in her kid brother's face. Whitley made a joke. Even if Weiss' comment is likewise meant to be read as teasing, it's clear that we've bypassed any meaningful conversation between them. That hug was supposed to be a Fix Everything moment even though, as I've laid out elsewhere, it didn't even come close.

We cut back to Ruby getting thrown through a wall into the backyard and the Hound creepily coming after her. She's freaked out by this clearly abnormal grimm and Blake is weirdly... not? "It's just a grimm. Just focus!" Uh, it's obviously not. Have we reached the traumatized, sleep-deprived point where the group is sinking into full-blown denial? I wouldn't be surprised. They've been awake for like... 40+ hours.

Because the Hound knocks Ruby out with a single hit. Just, bam, she's down. "Focusing" is not the solution here.

Weiss calls to warn the others about the grimm, telling them to stick together. Willow (understandably) starts freaking out and flees the room (classic horror trope!). Klein is left alone when Penny wakes up with red eyes. Oh no!

Don't worry. You know nothing meaningful happens.

She shoves Klein before (somehow?) resisting the hack, her Maiden powers going wild in the process. Just when it looks as if Penny might cause some serious damage, Nora wakes up, takes her hand, and says, I kid you not:

"Hey... no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do... It's just a part of you. Don't forget about the rest."

Okay. I want to re-emphasize that I love hopeful, uplifting, victory-won-through-the-power-of-love stories. Istg I'm not dead inside, it's just that RWBY does this so badly. I mean, what is this? It has similarities to the character shouting, 'No! Resist!' to their mind-controlled ally, but this is not presented as a desperate, last-ditch effort by Nora. She just speaks like this is the most obvious truth in the world. If you don't want to have your mind taken over... just don't! It's that simple. The problem definitely isn't that Watts has changed her coding and has implemented a command she can't override, it's that Penny has forgotten about the "rest" of her personhood.

And this works. Granted, not for long, but we leave Nora having successfully calmed Penny down and until her eyes unexpectedly go red again scenes later, we're left assuming that this is a permanent solution. That, imo anyway, is taking the Power of Love too far, overriding the basic reality of Penny being hacked. It’s not a personal failing she must overcome, it’s an external attack. I would have rather had Nora react to the scars she saw on her arm, or have a moment with Klein, or get some love from the group. Not a wakes up, falls asleep, wakes up again to save Penny with a Ruby level 'Just ignore reality' pep-talk, then back to sleep again.

So Penny isn't attacking her allies, or mistakenly hurting her allies with wild Maiden powers. Not that the group doesn't have enough to deal with, but still. Weiss arrives to help with the Hound and attempts a new summon, only to fail when two minor grimm burrow up into her glyphs. I really enjoyed that moment, both for the wing visual and the knowledge that Weiss' glyphs can fail if you break them somehow (which makes sense). Also, I just like that she failed in general? Weiss is, as per usual now, about to demonstrate just how OP she is compared to the rest of the team, so it was nice to see her faltering here.

The Hound tries to make off with Ruby and Blake does an excellent job of keeping it tethered. Ruby finally wakes, only to realize that the grimm is actually after Penny since it's staring at her power up through the window, no longer trying to escape. Moments like this remind me that there's someone on RT's writing team that knows what they're doing, at least some of the time. The assumption that the Hound is after Ruby as a SEW, the surprise that it's actually Penny, realizing it holds up because Ruby is covered in Penny's blood and Blake is not... that's all nice, tight plotting. More of that please!

The Hound drops her and Ruby's aura shatters when she hits the ground. I want everyone to remember this moment as an example of how strong the Hound is. The group may be tired, but unlike YJR they've been sitting around in the Schnee manor for a number of hours, regaining strength. We saw the Hound hit Ruby twice — once through the wall and once to knock her out — and then she falls from a not very high distance for a huntress, yet her aura is toast. That's the level of power and skill the Hound possesses. Decimating YJR, knocking Oscar out, same for Ruby, avoiding Blake and Weiss' hits, soon to treat Penny like a ragdoll. Just remember all this for the episode's end.

Blake tells Weiss she'll take care of Ruby, you go help the others. Yay breaking up the duos more! Bad timing though as the new acid-spitting grimm pops out of the ground and Blake is now left alone to face it.

Weiss re-enters the mansion, knowing the Hound is somewhere nearby, but not where. Suddenly, Willow's voice sounds through her scroll with an, "Above you!" which... doesn't keep Weiss from getting hit lol. But it's the thought that counts! Willow has accessed the cameras she's set up throughout the manor, watching the Hound's movements, and I have to say, that is a WAY better use of her separation from Klein than I thought we were getting. I legit thought they'd have Willow run away in a panic, meet the Hound, die, and then Weiss could be sad about losing her mom.

It does say something about RWBY's writing that this was my knee-jerk theory, as well as my surprise when we got something way better.

The Hound runs off, uninterested in Weiss, and she asks Willow to keep tabs on it. It heads for Whitley next (also covered in Penny's blood) and very creepily stalks him in the office with a, "I know you're here." Whitley is seconds away from being Hound chow before one of Weiss' boars pin it against the wall. He runs, then runs BACK to finish deploying the airships, before finally escaping assumed death. Goddamn this boy is pulling his weight.

I assume all these ships are automated then? I hope someone takes a moment to call May. Otherwise it's going to be super weird for the Mantle citizens if a fleet of SDC ships just show up and hover there...

I don't entirely understand how Weiss saved him though. She's nowhere to be seen when Whitley leaves and he runs a fair distance before he and Willow encounter Weiss again. We know her summons don't have to keep right next to her, but are they capable of rudimentary thought, attacking an enemy — and an enemy only — despite Weiss being a couple corridors down and unable to see the current battlefield? I don't know. In another series I'd theorize that this was a deliberate hint, a way to clue us into the fact that Willow, someone who we currently know almost nothing about, had training in the past and summoned the boar herself. Weiss and Winter certainly didn't get that hereditary skill from Jacques. Hell, we might still get that, Weiss reacting with confusion next episode when Whitley thanks her for the boar, but I doubt it. That scene with Ruby and the Hound aside, the show isn't this good at laying groundwork and then following up on it.

Case in point: Weiss says, "I didn't forget you" to Whitley after he gets away from the Hound, the moment trying to harken back to her promise to Willow. Key word is "trying." Because she absolutely forgot him! Weiss threatened and ignored Whitley until he proved his usefulness. I also shouldn't need to point out that, "Don't forget your brother" does not mean, "Don't let your brother die a horrible death by abnormal grimm." Weiss acts like her saving him is a fulfillment of her promise, rather than just the most basic of human decency. And also, you know, her job.

So that part is frustrating. The entire Schnee dynamic is a mess, from Weiss making a joke of her father's arrest, to Willow (presumably) fixing their relationship by putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder. Okay.

Then Weiss cuts off the Hound by summoning a giant wall of ice. My brain, every time this happens:

YOU COULD HAVE FIXED THE HOLE IN MANTLE'S WALL.

Moving on, Blake's fight against the acid... thing has some great choreography, including Blake using her semblance which we haven't seen in AGES. 

I really like the fight itself, just not what Blake is shouting the whole time. "I need you, Ruby! We all need you!" This has really gotten ridiculous. Ruby is presented as everyone's sole savior despite failing time and time again. It's not that I don't think Blake as a character should have faith in her leader, it's that I don't think the writers should be crafting a story where everyone puts their unshakable hopes in an untrained, disloyal, impulsive 17 year old. I mean, Ruby is currently unconscious, yet Blake is acting like if she doesn't wake up — she, as an individual, if Ruby Rose does not re-join this fight — then all is lost. If Ruby doesn't save them, no one can. Which is, of course, absurd on numerous levels. Blake doesn't need the passed out, aura-less Ruby right now, she needs the still very healthy Weiss pulling out multiple summons and an ice wall! Use your scroll and call for backup again.

But of course, Ruby wakes up and kills the new, terrifying grimm with a single hit. It's a preview of what's to come with the Hound and it's just as ridiculous here as it will be there.

Speaking of the Hound, am I the only one who thought this was... cute?

I can't possibly be the only one. That head-tilt is exactly what my dogs do and my brain instinctively went, "Aww, puppy!"

Murderous puppy.

The Hound realizes none of the Schnees are who it's looking for and runs off. Penny, meanwhile, has been fully taken over because, well, that's just what's convenient now. She resists long enough keep Amity up, then succumbs, then resists to apologize to Ruby, then succumbs, then resists because Nora asked her to, then succumbs once it's time to knock her out. If RWBY was willing to commit to consequences, Penny would have been taken over and that was that. The characters would need to deal with whatever outcome happens as a result. Instead, the show very carefully avoids any of those pesky consequences by having Penny successfully resisting at key moments, despite no explanation of how she's managing that.

She shoves Klein again (Klein is having a Bad Time) and starts walking down the main steps. When Whitley wants to know where the hell she's going, Penny mechanically responds that she must "Open the vault, then self-destruct." I suppose the change Watts made was the self-destruct order? Ironwood obviously wants the vault open, though not necessarily Penny's death. Think what you will of his moral compass, she's a damn powerful ally — a research project, perhaps — and a Maiden to boot. At the very least, her death may give the powers to someone even worse.

God, please don't let them have brought Penny back and made her a Maiden just to kill her again.

The Hound arrives though and, as said, knocks Penny out. We're back to square one with her, then. Note though that this attack is near instantaneous. She grabs its hands one second, is hanging limply the next. Wow, the Hound sure is a terrifying antagonist!

Not for long.

"That's enough," Ruby says and one-shots it with her eyes.

Now, I want to talk for a moment about the implications of that line. "That's enough." Obviously Ruby is #done with this situation and emotionally unwilling to let the Hound kidnap Penny (congratulations, Nuts and Dolts shippers), but there's a meta reading here as well. Not intentional, but glaring to me nonetheless. Basically, the idea that the Hound has, from a plot perspective, done enough. It has served its singular purpose. It kidnapped Oscar and now it dies. Never-mind how insanely powerful we've established the Hound to be, never-mind how Ruby's eyes also work or don't work according to whether anything of actual import is on the line. From a plot perspective "that's enough" and the Hound can be disposed of instantly. It got Oscar and gave us an episode of filler creepiness. Move along now.

The idea behind Ruby's eyes isn't bad, but the execution absolutely is. RT has undermined a huge portion of the stakes by giving their protagonist an instant kill-shot that always works precisely when she needs it to. Starting with the Apathy, we have yet to get a moment where Ruby's eyes fail to save the day when she really needs them to, no matter how incredible the challenge. The Hound was very intentionally written to be a grimm outside of the group's current power level. It thinks, it talks, they literally can't touch it. This creates the expectation that the group will need to grow stronger — or at least become smarter — in order to surmount this new obstacle, yet Ruby's eyes undermine all of that. The group hasn't grown in years, the show just makes enemies weaker as needed (Ace Ops), or has Ruby pull out her eyes as a trump card. It wouldn't be that bad if we'd at least gotten a good battle out of it, one where the group gets close to defeating the Hound on their own, but needs Ruby's eyes to finish it off. Instead, she literally walks up without any aura, announces to the audience that this antagonist's time is up, and blasts it out a window.

Granted, Ruby's eyes don't completely finish it. The Hound pulls itself to its feet and we see this.

Yup, that's a guy and yup, those are silver eyes.

I would like to issue a formal apology to the "It's secretly Summer!" theorists in the fandom. I mean, I still think it would be ridiculous (and at this point highly improbable) that Ruby's dead mother has actually been a grimm mutant this whole time, just hanging out in Salem's realm while she waits for the plot to start before attacking the world, and then sends some no-name faunus dude after the group instead of their leader's mother for extra, emotional torture... but you all were definitely right about the “It's a person” part! I... don't know how I feel about this. Admittedly, it seems to be a logical continuation of the other grimm-human hybrids we've seen — namely Cinder and Salem herself — and it finally explains why Salem wants Ruby alive (even though it actually doesn't because WHY did she want more SEWs for Hound grimm when she wasn't even attacking back then? And already has all these other insanely powerful tools??), but at the same time, it feels like it's complicating a story that doesn't need further complications. The group fights monsters and has an immortal enemy. You don't need to add 'Some of those monsters are secretly human' to the mix.

It doesn't hurt that this twist is giving me Attack on Titan vibes, which, ew. A dark time in my fandom life, folks.

The Hound staggers a few steps before Whitley and Willow dump a suit of armor on it. That's all it takes to kill the most dangerous grimm we've ever seen: a single flash of silver eyes and some heavy metal. This also wreaks havoc with the implication that Salem wants SEWs alive because they create such powerful grimm. Obviously not. I mean yeah, normal huntsmen are going to have serious  problems, we’ve seen that this volume, but any other SEWs nearby will take a Hound out instantaneously. For a villain with so many other powerful abilities — immortality, magic, endless normal grimm, her nifty soup — Salem would be much better served just killing SEWs straight out. Clearly, creating Hounds isn't worth the effort.

The Hound leaves some bones behind and Ruby collapses to her knees, overcome with the knowledge that this was once a person. Again, uncomfortable Attack on Titan parallels.

We finish our premiere with Cinder clearing away rubble to reveal Watts. Honestly, I like that we ended on this because her rescue is hilarious. She just slings him over her shoulders like a sack of potatoes and blasts off with her magic fire feet. Fantastic.

Note though that with this scene we've seen almost everything from the clip and the trailer. What's to come in the rest of Volume 8? No idea. Outside of Winter leading the charge with the bomb, we got it all here.

Time to update the bingo board!

I'm crossing off "Introducing new grimm that are quickly abandoned." Between the Hound and acid-dude both falling to a single blast/cut from Ruby, we've more than earned this square.

It doesn't look as if we'll get another Watts-Jacques team-up now that he's left, but you never know.

Maria's got me worried. I feel like her Yoda fight against Neo is the one thing she'll be allowed to do this volume, but given that we didn't see anyone except Ruby's group this episode, we don't yet know whether the story is now ignoring her and Pietro, or if they'll re-appear in another episode like YJR.  

Qrow is free. Will he get a drink before trying to murder Ironwood? Perhaps.

Still no bingo :(

All in all, the episode was by no means horrible. I think there were lots of horrible parts, but also some legitimately well executed moments, fun action, and scenes that I can easily imagine as squee worthy if you lean back and squint. Everything is comparative and in the growing collection of bad RWBY episodes, this one isn't securing a top slot. Which doesn't mean I think it's good, just... not as bad as it could have been and primarily only bad due to long-running problems, not things this specific episode has done. That's my bar then, so low it has officially entered the underworld.

Still, RWBY is back and a part of me is eager to see where this volume takes us, for better or for worse.

Until next week! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

[luvlyrv]

Our Songs | pt. 6 | Wendy x F!Reader SM!AU

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I hope the word count marginally makes up for the fact this series has been on a three month hiatus lol, don't worry though it'll finish soon!

Date: 6/10/21

Series Masterlist

Ever since you and Wendy exchanged numbers you find your hand unconsciously reaching out to your phone throughout the day. You hope to find a notification from her when you turn it on. Thankfully she always seemed to respond back, but even when she didn't you'd put your phone down to repeat the loop. You tried your best to make sure it didn't interfere with your work, but still, your day was marked by Wendy. Although she wasn't there physically your conversations always carried through day and night.

You've known her to be a warm person, always friendly and comforting. You hope you're not reading into things too much, but sometimes you read her messages and your heart skips a beat. The way she would talk about you would make you flustered. It would force you to put your phone down for a second, unable to comprehend the positivity. Then the thought that maybe she was flirting would creep into your head.

The idea that you're just imagining things always comes back to fight it though.

Shaking your head you decide not to contemplate the idea further. After all she was going to come over soon and you needed to focus on finishing your songs. Thinking about any possible romantic feelings was the last thing you wanted to do. Especially with her in front of you.

Luckily the thoughts dissipate as you zone into the work in front of you, scrutinizing every detail you possibly could. You let yourself sink into the feeling of the songs, letting it help guide your decisions in mixing. As quickly as you get focused though, you're broken out of your zone when you hear knocking on the door. Before answering you run to the mirror and take a quick look while trying to make sure you look presentable. When you rush up to the door to open it you act like nothing happened.

"H-hello! Welcome again to my humble abode!" You say it with a smile, trying to suppress the sudden fluttering feeling in your stomach.

"Hey!" She says while looking up and down at you. "Looks like we're accidentally matching today, huh?" Wendy walks past the door and you close it behind her. You take a moment to look at her outfit and then at yours. The both of you had a very blue color palette.

"Well, way to steal the spotlight. You look way cuter than me." You don't sound as confident as you'd like, your voice bordering on the softer and quieter side. You realize you haven't felt this nervous in a while.

"As if that could ever be possible!" Wendy turns her head back at you as she walks towards your room. She rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue at you, only to quickly smile at your remark. "Now stop being silly and let's work."

You follow her into your bedroom and sit down in front of your computer. She sits on a familiar stool and the two of you immediately start working. You share what you have so far, all you do is record some more vocals, including harmonies and adlibs. You polish things with Wendy by your side to help make some stylistic choices. It took a few hours that only felt like mere minutes.

The sun is still out, unlike the first time the two of you had worked together. This leads you to ask Wendy something before she would leave.

"While we're here we should just record the collab video, yeah?" Wendy's eyes light up in recollection of your previous conversation.

"That sounds good, how about we do the Q&A type video today? I can just message Yeri for some questions."

"Sure, I'll ask Seulgi to make up some interesting things for us to answer too."

The two of you didn't have to wait long as both of your friends replied fast, excited to help out and excited to have some questions answered. You situate yourself next to Wendy in a comfortable position and get the camera ready. After getting the camera in position you take the time to fix the lighting in your room, making sure to have a soft and natural feeling with the lights.

Finally, the red light begins to blink on your camera and you wave. Wendy follows along and flashes the camera a friendly look. You give a quick introduction for the video.

"Hey everybody! I'm here with Wendy today to do a little Q&A type video for you guys! We've both gotten some questions from our friends and it's just to share a little about us, how we feel about our collaboration, behind the scenes type of stuff, you know?" Wendy tilts her head and looks at you as you talk, nodding to your words.

"I really can't wait to answer these questions with you." She says with a smile. She looks back at the camera as she pulls her phone out and looks at her messages with Yeri. "Neither of us have prepared any script or anything. We've barely even looked at the questions they've sent us!" You nudge Wendy with your elbow and laugh at a thought.

"What if they sent us something inappropriate?"

"Oh god, Yeri totally would." You both giggle before Wendy prompts you to start reading questions first.

"Alright we'll stop wasting our audience's precious time now. My dear Seulgi's first question is… "what were your first impressions?" Wendy doesn't hesitate to answer the question as soon as it was asked.

"Oh! Whenever Y/N entered the café we were meeting in I was kind of surprised! She doesn't post a lot of pics of herself so to see someone as talented as her in real life was an honor. She's really cute, right?" She reaches out to pinch the cheek of your so-called cute face. You strain a smile of embarrassment at her antics.

"Yeah yeah, I don't record myself a lot." When she stops her assault on your face you follow-up with your opinion. "For Wendy… I was also really surprised… I think I'm really lucky. You guys should know that a camera really doesn't do her justice! When I first met her she certainly gave off a very approachable demeanor too."

"Why do you think that?"

"I don't know? I was really nervous meeting you, yet when I saw you and when we got to talk the atmosphere turned into something really comfortable fast. Let's just move on to the next question." You take a look at your phone again to see Seulgi's question. "What's your favorite thing about the other? Well, Wendy has always been so sweet, it's been wonderful working with her. I appreciate the care and dedication to her work that she has shown me. Her musicality really helped pull everything together, and when I was stuck she was always there to give me a fresh perspective."

"Aww, that's so sweet of you." Wendy says with a blush on her face, her hand covering her face as she laughs a bit. "It's strange to be talking to you like this, I feel like. I think you're a really straightforward person but we haven't really talked about our opinions to this extent! Especially to a camera. Ah… well I think I could really say everything the same for Y/N." Wendy nods a bit in thought before continuing on. "To add to it though, I think Y/N has just always been so considerate to me. Like, beyond being a great musician she has been a good person to me. I think if you've seen some of our interactions on Twitter you'll know that she ended up cooking a wonderful meal for me on our first meeting. I think that if she wasn't as nice as she is, we wouldn't have had this much fun together… wait, this has been fun for you too, right?"

"Oh my god, yes it has. How could you doubt that?" You punch her arm with a fake upset face. You turn back to the camera. "Guys, we've hung out and have talked soooo much outside of our collab. I literally don't understand how she can have a single doubt in her mind about us having fun."

"It doesn't hurt to clarify! Anyways, next question now! And stop punching so hard!"

"Oh hush, it wasn't that hard. Oh hmm, to go along with that Seulgi wonders what our least favorite thing about each other is."

"That's an easy one!" Wendy says all too excitedly. You make a shocked expression, worry flooding your system as Wendy points at you with a smile. "I hate how you're absolutely brimming with talent! Your work is impeccable! Musical genius!"

You groan as your body crumples. "You nearly gave me a heart attack…" Your voice is muffled between your knees.

"It's true though!" Wendy says in a sing-song voice, her face smug in satisfaction to see your scared reaction. "Otherwise there's nothing I can really say."

You gather the strength to get back up and face the camera, then Wendy. Your face is still filled with disappointment but you take your time to stare at Wendy. As you stare at her she seems to come undone as she nervously looks away.

"What are you doing?" A red color subtly creeps up her neck.

"I'm just thinking. I'm thinking that… You also have nothing wrong with you." Wendy can't help but to roll her eyes at your comment. "Except for being awfully cheesy. It makes me wanna go bury myself in a ditch so I won't have to hear your stupid cheesiness again."

"Whatever, whatever. It's my turn to read the questions. Now… this is a good one, "what has the work process been like?"

"Well that's obvious, I do all the work and Wendy leeches off of me like a parasite."

"Hey! Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it to the world!" Her response throws you into a fit of laughter, turning you into a mess.

"Oh my, no no! It's really not like that. I would say we have an equal workload, or a workload that makes sense between our respective positions." Wendy shakes her head in disagreement.

"I don't feel so. I feel like Y/N always does so much work, and she does it so quickly too. It makes me feel kind of bad when I sit beside her and see her work her magic. When she's focused and working so hard it's quite amazing."

"Ah geez." You shyly scratch the back of your neck. "Wendy's always like this, complimenting me. Like I said earlier though, she really helps bring me new perspective when I'm stuck and her musicality is like nothing else. She always takes the time to sit next to me and monitor things too. It's not like she's a third party to the process. Not only that," You take the time to send Wendy a smile in an attempt to reassure her that you're not burdened with work. You want her to know that you appreciate her part of the creative process, "but nothing really feels like hard work when I'm with you."

Wendy has a hard time processing your words, so instead of addressing it she decides to just further elaborate her answer to the question.

"Well, I'll just lay down the process for everyone. Obviously, Y/N produces and I sing. Although after enough convincing from me you'll hear her singing on the tracks as well, so say thank you! It all started when Y/N took the time to reach out to me, which I was really excited about by the way, and then we both agreed to meet up at a local place. We just talked about concepts and our availability. We both ended up writing songs and worked together on what we wanted to keep or change. Everything productive happens here," Wendy opens her arms to gesture to the area around her, "at Y/N's place. Even though I have audio equipment at my place too we just record things here."

"Yeah, everything she said is true. I have a little set-up here in my room. I don't think I've ever really shown you guys it? I mean, I've shown my guitar collection before but not all my other equipment yet. I'll film that another time though. Next question?"

"Oh this is kind of interesting to think about, "what do you think the reception of your mini-album will be?" The both of you take a moment to think about it. Recalling many of the things you've read on social media you decided to speak first.

"Well, I think it'll be extremely beneficial to the both of us in multiple ways. I mean first off, I guess by our genre of music we have a lot of overlap between fans. There's been an overwhelming amount of support from fans who are excited to see the both of us collaborate and interact. I have no doubt that it'll do well since it's so highly anticipated by our fans. It'll be even better if you guys manage to stream and share it!" Throughout your explanation you begin to give Wendy shy glances. "I think that even if we drop our music and it doesn't meet much success, I would've gained a lot. I think working together with Wendy has helped me grow as a musician and anything that I learn here I will utilize in the future."

At your last comment Wendy seemed to get excited and she quickly added on.

"Exactly! If anything the most important part about all of this is the fact that I have gained skills as a musician and gained a friend. That greatly outweighs any potential of success." Wendy has a bright smile on her face, happy to be able to call you a friend.

"That doesn't mean we don't want you guys to go ahead and share our music by the way." You joke light-heartedly. "It would mean a lot if you did."

"Now final question for this video! We've been talking too much." Wendy looks at her phone, unlike before she takes a couple seconds before reading the question aloud. "Uh, I think this should be fun to answer. "What do you want to do in the future together?" I think that obvious answer is to make more music!"

You chuckle at her answer before responding as well. "Going to each other's places to have a jam session doesn't sound bad, but hanging out in general is good. We'll definitely continue being friends, and if the reception for our collab is really good we might do another one? That is, of course, if Wendy is okay with that."

"I would be more than happy to do that. I was also thinking of forcing you to binge watch more shows and movies with me."

"Only if you stop hogging the popcorn. Anyways, I think this should be the end of our video. I highly encourage all of you to check-out Wendy's channel in a couple days. The day right before release we're going to be dropping one more video together! Bye-bye!" You wave a goodbye to the camera with a smile. Wendy joins you in your outro.

"See you guys soon!"

You go to turn your camera off as Wendy goes to gather her things. After turning off your lights you go to sit back down on your seat, importing the recently filmed footage to your computer. Wendy takes this moment to sit down next to you again.

"Again, thank you for your hard work!" She says it with a smile as she brings her hand on your arm. "I'm always amazed with the quality of your work and how quickly you can do it."

"No problem, I'll send the songs to you later for your feedback. We'll be able to post everything soon." You smile back at her and give her hand a comforting squeeze. A part of you wishes you could keep your hand there forever.

"Alright, well see you at my place soon!"

When you finally hear the click of your door closing you let out a sigh. You don't want to think about it. You don't want to face it.

You don't want to face the possibility that you've fallen.

[armageddon-generation]

Articulating Why His Dark Materials is Badly Written

A long essay-thing with lots of specific examples and explanations of why I feel this way. Hopefully I’ve kept fanboy bitching to a minimum.

This isn’t an attack on fans of the show, nor a personal attack on Jack Thorne. I’m not looking to ruin anyone’s enjoyment of the show, I just needed to properly articulate, with examples, why I struggle with it. I read and love the books and that colours my view, but I believe that HDM isn’t just a clumsy, at-best-functional, sometimes incompetent adaptation, it’s a bad TV show separate from its source material. The show is the blandest, least interesting and least engaging version of itself it could be.

His Dark Materials has gorgeous production design and phenomenal visual effects. It's well-acted. The score is great. But my god is it badly written. Jack Thorne writing the entire first season damned the show. There was no-one to balance out his flaws and biases. Thorne is checking off a list of plot-points, so concerned with manoeuvring the audience through the story he forgets to invest us in it. The scripts are mechanical, empty, flat.

Watching HDM feels like an impassioned fan earnestly lecturing you on why the books are so good- (Look! It's got other worlds and religious allegory and this character Lyra is really, really important I swear. Isn't Mrs Coulter crazy? The Gyptians are my favourites.) rather than someone telling the story naturally.

My problems fall into 5 main categories:

Exposition- An unwillingness to meaningfully expand the source material for a visual medium means Thorne tells and doesn't show crucial plot-points. He then repeats the same thing multiple times because he doesn't trust his audience

Pacing- By stretching out the books and not trusting his audience Thorne dedicates entire scenes to one piece of information and repeats himself constantly (see: the Witches' repetition of the prophecy in S2).

Narrative priorities- Thorne prioritises human drama over fantasy. This makes sense budgetarily, but leads to barely-present Daemons, the Gyptians taking up too much screentime, rushed/badly written Witches (superpowers, exposition) and Bears (armourless bear fight), and a Lyra more focused on familial angst than the joy of discovery

Tension and Mystery- because HDM is in such a hurry to set up its endgame it gives you the answers to S1's biggest mysteries immediately- other worlds, Lyra's parents, what happens to the kids etc. This makes the show less engaging and feel like it's playing catch-up to the audience, not the other way around.

Tonal Inconsistency- HDM tries to be a slow-paced, grounded, adult drama, but its blunt, simplistic dialogue and storytelling methods treat the audience like children that need to be lectured.

MYSTERY, SUSPENSE AND INTRIGUE

The show undercuts all the books’ biggest mysteries. Mrs Coulter is set up as a villain before we meet her, other worlds are revealed in 1x2, Lyra's parents by 1x3, what the Magesterium do to kids is spelled out long before Lyra finds Billy (1x2). I understand not wanting to lose new viewers, but neutering every mystery kills momentum and makes the show much less engaging.

This extends to worldbuilding. The text before 1x1 explains both Daemons and Lyra's destiny before we meet her. Instead of encouraging us to engage with the world and ask questions, we're given all the answers up front and told to sit back and let ourselves be spoon-fed. The viewer is never an active participant, never encouraged to theorise or wonder

 Intrigue motivated you to engage with Pullman's philosophical themes and concepts. Without it, HDM feels like a lecture, a theme park ride and not a journey.

The only one of S1's mysteries left undiminished is 'what is Dust?', which won't be properly answered until S3, and that answer is super conceptual and therefore hard to make dramatically satisfying

TONAL INCONSISTENCY

HDM billed itself as a HBO-level drama, and was advertised as a GoT inheritor. It takes itself very seriously- the few attempts at humour are stilted and out of place

The production design is deliberately subdued, most notably choosing a mid-twentieth century aesthetic for Lyra’s world over the late-Victorian of the books or steampunk of the movie. The colour grading would be appropriate for a serious adult drama. 

Reviewers have said this stops the show feeling as fantastical as it should. It also makes Lyra’s world less distinct from our own. 

Most importantly, minimising the wondrous fantasy of S1 neuters its contrast with the escalating thematic darkness of the finale (from 1x5 onwards), and the impact of Roger’s death. Pullman's books are an adult story told through the eyes of a child. Lyra’s innocence and naivety in the first book is the most important journey of the trilogy. Instead, the show starts serious and thematically heavy (we’re told Lyra has world-saving importance before we even meet her) and stays that way.

Contrasting the serious tone, grounded design and poe-faced characters, the dialogue is written to cater to children. It’s horrendously blunt and pulls you out of scenes. Subtext is obliterated at every opportunity. Even in the most recent episode, 2x7, Pan asks Lyra ‘do you think you’re changing because of Will?’

I cannot understate how on the nose this line is, and how much it undercuts the themes of the final book. Instead of even a meaningful shot of Lyra looking at Will, the show treats the audience like complete idiots. 

So, HDM looks and advertises itself like an adult drama and is desperate to be taken seriously by wearing its big themes on its sleeve from the start instead of letting them evolve naturally out of subtext like the books, and dedicating lots of scenes to Mrs Coulter's self-abuse 

At the same time its dialogue and character writing is comparable to the Star Wars prequels, more childish than media aimed at a similar audience - Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Avatar the Last Airbender etc

DAEMONS

The show gives itself a safety net by explaining Daemons in an opening text-crawl, and so spends less time showing the mechanics of the Daemon-human bond. On the HDM subreddit, I’ve seen multiple people get to 1x5 or 6, and then come to reddit asking basic questions like ‘why do only some people have Daemons?’ or ‘Why are Daemons so important?’.

It’s not that the show didn’t answer these questions; it was in the opening text-crawl. It’s just the show thinks telling you is enough and never shows evidence to back that up. Watching a TV show you remember what you’re shown much easier than what you’re told 

The emotional core of Northern Lights is the relationship between Lyra and Pan. The emotional core of HDM S1 is the relationship between Lyra and Mrs Coulter. This wouldn't be bad- it's a fascinating dynamic Ruth plays wonderfully- if it didn't override the Daemons

Daemons are only onscreen when they serve a narrative purpose. Thorne justifies this because the books only describe Daemons when they tell us about their human. On the page your brain fills the Daemons in. This doesn't work on-screen; you cannot suspend your disbelief when their absence is staring you in the face

Thorne clarified the number of Daemons as not just budgetary, but a conscious creative choice to avoid onscreen clutter. This improved in S2 after vocal criticism.

Mrs Coulter/the Golden Monkey and Lee/Hester have well-drawn relationships in S1, but Pan and Lyra hug more in the 2-hour Golden Compass movie than they do in the 8-hour S1 of HDM. There's barely any physical contact with Daemons at all.

They even cut Pan and Lyra's hug after escaping the Cut in Bolvangar. In the book they can't let go of each other. The show skips it completely because Thorne wants to focus on Mrs Coulter and Lyra.

They cut Pan and Lyra testing how far apart they can be. They cut Lyra freeing the Cut Daemons in Bolvangar with the help of Kaisa. We spent extra time with both Roger and Billy Costa, but didn't develop their bonds with their Daemons- the perfect way to make the Cut more impactful

I don't need every single book scene in the show, but notice that all these cut scenes reinforced how important Daemons are. For how plodding the show is. you'd think they could spare time for these moments instead of inventing new conversations that tell us the information they show

Daemons are treated as separate beings and thus come across more like talking pets than part of a character

The show sets the rules of Daemons up poorly. In 1x2, Lyra is terrified by the Monkey being so far from Coulter, but the viewer has nothing to compare it to. We’re retroactively told in that this is unnatural when the show has yet to establish what ‘natural’ is.

The guillotine blueprint in 1x2 (‘Is that a human and his Daemon, Pan? It looks like it.’ / ‘A blade. To cut what?’) is idiotic. It deflates S1’s main mystery and makes the characters look stupid for not figuring out what they aren’t allowed to until they did in the source material, it also interferes with how the audience sees Daemons. In the book, Cutting isn’t revealed until two-thirds of the way in (1x5). By then we’ve spent a lot of time with Daemons, they’ve become a background part of the world, their ‘rules’ have been established, and we’re endeared to them.

By showing the Guillotine and putting Daemons under threat in the second episode, the show never lets us grow attached. This, combined with their selective presence in scenes, draws attention to Daemons as a plot gimmick and not a natural extension of characters. Like Lyra, the show tells us why Daemons are important before we understand them.

Billy Costa's fate falls flat. It's missing the dried fish/ fake Daemon Tony Markos clings to in the book. Thorne said this 'didn't work' on the day, but it worked in the film. Everyone yelling about Billy not having a Daemon is laughable when most of the background extras in the same scene don't have Daemons themselves

WITCHES

The Witches are the most common complaint about the show. Thorne changed Serafina Pekkala in clever, logical ways (her short hair, wrist-knives and cloud pine in the skin)

The problem is how Serafina is written. The Witches are purely exposition machines. We get no impression of their culture, their deep connection to nature, their understanding of the world. We are told it. It is never shown, never incorporated into the dramatic action of the show.

Thorne emphasises Serafina's warrior side, most obviously changing Kaisa from a goose into a gyrfalcon (apparently a goose didn't work on-screen)

Serafina single-handedly slaughtering the Tartars is bad in a few ways. It paints her as bloodthirsty and ruthless. Overpowering the Witches weakens the logic of the world (If they can do that, why do they let the Magesterium bomb them unchallenged in 2x2?). It strips the Witches of their subtlety and ambiguity for the sake of cinematic action.

A side-effect of Serafina not being with her clan at Bolvangar is limiting our exposure to the Witches. Serafina is the only one invested in the main plot, we only hear about them from what she tells us. This poor set-up weakens the Witch subplot in S2

Lyra doesn’t speak to Serafina until 2x6. She laid eyes on her once in S1.

The dialogue in the S2’s Witch subplot is comparable to the Courasant section of The Phantom Menace. 

Two named characters, neither with any depth (Serafina and Coram's dead son developed him far more than her). The costumes look ostentatious and hokey- the opposite of what the Witches should be. They do nothing but repeat the same exposition at each other, even in 2x7.

We feel nothing when the Witches are bombed because the show never invests us in what is being destroyed- with the amount of time wasted on long establishing shots, there’s not one when Lee Scoresby is talking to the Council.

BEARS

Like the Witches; Thorne misunderstands and rushes the fantasy elements of the story. The 2007 movie executed both Iofur's character and the Bear Fight much better than the show- bloodless jaw-swipe and all

Iofur's court was not the parody of human court in the books. He didn't have his fake-Daemon (hi, Billy)

An armourless bear fight is like not including Pan in the cutting scene. After equating Iorek's armour to a Daemon (Lee does this- we don’t even learn how important it is from Iorek himself, and the comparison meant less because of how badly the show set up Daemons) the show then cuts the plotpoint that makes the armour plot-relevant. This diminishes all of Bear society. Like Daemons, we're told Iorek's armour is important but it's never shown to be more than a cool accessory

GYPTIANS

Gyptians suffer from Hermoine syndrome. Harry Potter screenwriter Steve Kloves' favourite character was Hermione, and so Film!Hermoine lost most of Book!Hermoine's flaws and gained several of Book!Ron's best moments. The Gyptians are Jack Thorne's favourite group in HDM and so they got the extra screentime and development that the more complicated groups/concepts like Witches, Bears, and Daemons (which, unlike the Gyptians, carry over to other seasons amd are more important to the overall story) needed

At the same time, he changes them from a private people into an Isle of Misfit Toys. TV!Ma Costa promises they'll ‘make a Gyptian woman out of Lyra yet’, but in the book Ma specifically calls Lyra out for pretending to be Gyptian, and reminds her she never can be.

This small moment indicates how, while trying to make the show more grounded and 'adult', Thorne simultaneously made it more saccharine and sentimental. He neuters the tragedy of the Cut kids when Ma Costa says they’ll become Gyptians. Pullman's books feel like an adult story told through the eyes of a child. The TV show feels like a child's story masquerading as a serious drama.

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA

Let me preface this by saying I genuinely really enjoy the performances in the show. It was shot in the foot by The Golden Compass' perfect casting.

The most contentious/'miscast' actor among readers is LMM. Thorne ditched the books' wise Texan for a budget Han Solo. LMM isn't a great dramatic actor (even in Hamilton he was the weak link performance-wise) but he makes up for it in marketability- lots of people tried the show because of him

Readers dislike that LMM's Lee is a thief and a scoundrel, when book-Lee is so moral he and Hester argue about stealing. Personally, I like the change in concept. Book!Lee's parental love for Lyra just appears. It's sweet, but not tied to a character arc. Done right, Lyra out-hustling Lee at his own game and giving him a noble cause to fight for (thus inspiring the moral compass of the books) is a more compelling arc.

DAFNE KEENE AND LYRA

I thought Dafne would be perfect casting. Her feral energy in Logan seemed a match made in heaven. Then Jack Thorne gave her little to do with it.

Compare how The Golden Compass introduced Lyra, playing Kids and Gobblers with a group of Gyptian kids, including Billy Costa. Lyra and Roger are chased to Jordan by the Gyptians and she makes up a lie about a curse to scare the Gyptians away.

In one scene the movie set up: 1) the Gobblers (the first we hear of them in the show is in retrospect, Roger worrying AFTER Billy is taken) 2) Lyra’s pre-existing relationship with the Gyptians (not in the show), 3) Friendship with Billy Costa (not in the book or show) 4) Lyra’s ability to befriend and lead groups of people, especially kids, and 5) Lyra’s ability to lie impressively

By comparison, it takes until midway through 1x2 for TV!Lyra to tell her first lie, and even then it’s a paper-thin attempt. 

The show made Roger Lyra’s only friend. This artificially heightens the impact of Roger's death, but strips Lyra of her leadership qualities and ability to befriend anyone. 

Harry Potter fans talk about how Book!Harry is funnier and smarter than Film!Harry. They cut his best lines ('There's no need to call me sir, Professor') and made him blander and more passive. The same happened to Lyra.

Most importantly, Lyra is not allowed to lie for fun. She can't do anything 'naughty' without being scolded. This colours the few times Lyra does lie (e.g. to Mrs Coulter in 1x2) negatively and thus makes Lyra out to be more of a brat than a hero.

This is a problem with telling Northern Lights from an outside, 'adult' perspective- to most adults Lyra is a brat. Because we’re introduced to her from inside her head, we think she's great. It's only when we meet her through Will's eyes in The Subtle Knife and she's filthy, rude and half-starved that we realise Lyra bluffs her way through life and is actually pretty non-functional

Thorne prioritises grounded human drama over fantasy, and so his Lyra has her love of bears and witches swapped for familial angst. (and, in S2. angst over Roger). By exposing Mrs Coulter as her mother early, Thorne distracts TV!Lyra from Book!Lyra’s love of the North. The contrast between wonder and reality made NL's ending a definitive threshold between innocence and knowledge. Thorne showed his hand too early.

Similarly, TV!Lyra doesn’t have anywhere near as strong an admiration for Lord Asriel. She calls him out in 1x8 (‘call yourself a Father’), which Book!Lyra never would because she’s proud to be his child. From her perspective, at this point Asriel is the good parent.

TV!Lyra’s critique of Asriel feels like Thorne using her as a mouthpiece to voice his own, adult perspective on the situation. Because Lyra is already disappointed in Asriel, his betrayal in the finale isn’t as effective. Pullman saves the ‘you’re a terrible Father’ call-out for the 3rd book for a reason; Lyra’s naive hero-worship of Asriel in Northern Lights makes the fall from Innocence into Knowledge that Roger’s death represents more effective.  

So, on TV Lyra is tamer, angstier, more introverted, less intelligent, less fun and more serious. We're just constantly told she's important, even before we meet her.

MRS COULTER (AND LORD ASRIEL)

Mrs Coulter is the main character of the show. Not Lyra. Mrs Coulter was cast first, and Lyra was cast based on a chemistry test with Ruth Wilson. Coulter’s character is given lots of extra development, where the show actively strips Lyra of her layers.

To be clear, I have no problem with developing Mrs Coulter. She is a great character Ruth Wilson plays phenomenally. I do have a problem with the show fixating on her at the expense of other characters.

Lyra's feral-ness is given to her parents. Wilson and McAvoy are more passionate than in the books. This is fun to watch, but strips them of subtlety- you never get Book!Coulter's hypnotic allure from Wilson, she's openly nasty, even to random strangers (in 2x3 her dismissal of the woman at the hotel desk felt like a Disney villain). 

Compare how The Golden Compass (2007) introduced Mrs Coulter through Lyra’s eyes, with light, twinkling music and a sparkling dress. By contrast, before the show introduces Coulter it tells us she’s associated with the evil Magisterium plotting Asriel’s death- “Not a word to any of our mutual friends. Including her.” Then she’s introduced striding down a corridor to imposing ‘Bad Guy’ strings.

Making Mrs Coulter’s villainy so obvious so early makes Lyra look dumber for falling for it. It also wastes an interesting phase of her character arc. Coulter is rushed into being a ’conflicted evil mother’ in 2 episodes, and stays in that phase for the rest of the show so far. Character progression is minimised because she circles the same place.

It makes her one-note. It's a good note (so much of the positive online chatter is saphiccs worshiping Ruth Wilson) but the show also worships her to the point of hindrance- e.g. take a shot every time Coulter walks slow-motion down a corridor in 2x2

The problem isn’t the performances, but how prematurely they give the game away. Just like the mysteries around Bolvangar and Lyra’s parentage. Neither Coulter or Asriel have much chance to use their 'public' faces. 

This is part of a bigger pacing problem- instead of rolling plot points out gradually, Thorne will stick the solution in front of you early and then stall for time until it becomes relevant. Instead of building tension this builds frustration and makes the show feel like it's catching up to the audience. This also makes the characters less engaging. You've already shown Mrs Coulter is evil/Boreal is in our world/Asriel wants Roger. Why are you taking so long getting to the point?

PACING AND EDITING

This show takes forever to make its point badly.

Scenes in HDM tend to operate on one level- either 'Character Building,' 'Exposition,' or 'Plot Progression'.

E.g. Mary's introduction in 2x2. Book!Mary only listens to Lyra because she’s sleep and caffeine-deprived and desperate because her funding is being cut. But the show stripped that subtext out and created an extra scene of a colleague talking to Mary about funding. They removed emotional subtext to focus on exposition, and so the scene felt empty and flat.

In later episodes characters Mary’s sister and colleagues do treat her like a sleep-deprived wreck. But, just like Lyra’s lying, the show doesn’t establish these characteristics in her debut episode. It waits until later to retroactively tell us they were there. Mary’s colleague saying ‘What we’re dealing with here is the fact that you haven’t slept in weeks’ is as flimsy as Pan joking not lying to Mary will be hard for Lyra.

Rarely does a scene work on multiple levels, and if it does it's clunky- see the exposition dump about Daemon Separation in the middle of 2x2's Witch Trial.

He also splits plot progression into tiny doses, which destroys pacing. It's more satisfying to focus on one subplot advancing multiple stages than all of them shuffling forward half a step each episode.

Subplots would be more effective if all the scenes played in sequence. As it is, plotlines can’t build momentum and literal minutes are wasted using the same establishing shots every time we switch location.

The best-structured episodes of S1 are 1x4, 1x6, and 1x8. This is because they have the fewest subplots (incidentally these episodes have least Boreal in them) and so the main plot isn’t diluted by constantly cutting away to Mrs Coulter sniffing Lyra’s coat or Will watching a man in a car through his window, before cutting back again. 

The best-written episode so far is 2x5. The Scholar. Tellingly, it’s the only episode Thorne doesn’t have even a co-writing credit on. 2x5 is well-paced, its dialogue is more naturalistic, it’s more focused, it even has time for moments of whimsy (Monkey with a seatbelt, Mrs Coulter with jeans, Lyra and Will whispering) that don’t detract from the story.

Structurally, 2x5  works because A) it benches Lee’s plotline. B) The Witches and Magisterium are relegated to a scene each. And C) the Coulter/Boreal and Lyra/Will subplots move towards the same goal. Not only that, but when we check in on Mary’s subplot it’s through Mrs Coulter’s eyes and directly dovetails into the  main action of the episode.

2x5 has a lovely sense of narrative cohesion because it has the confidence to sit with one set of characters for longer than two scenes at a time.

HDM also does this thing where it will have a scene with plot A where characters do or talk about something, cut away to plot B for a scene, then cut back to plot A where the characters talk about what happened in their last scene and painstakingly explain how they feel about it and why

Example: Pan talking to Will in 2x7 while Lyra pretends to be asleep. This scene is from the 3rd book, and is left to breathe for many chapters before Lyra brings it up. In the show after the Will/Pan scene they cut away to another scene, then cut back and Lyra instantly talks about it.

There’s the same problem in 2x5: After escaping Mrs Coulter, Lyra spells out how she feels about acting like her

The show never leaves room for implication, never lets us draw our own conclusions before explaining what it meant and how the characters feel about it immediately afterwards. The audience are made passive in their engagement with the characters as well as the world    

LORD BOREAL, JOHN PARRY AND DIMINISHING RETURNS

At first, Boreal’s subplot in S1 felt bold and inspired. The twist of his identity in The Subtle Knife would've been hard to pull off onscreen anyway. As a kid I struggled to get past Will's opening chapter of TSK and I have friends who were the same. Introducing Will in S1 and developing him alongside Lyra was a great idea.

I loved developing Elaine Parry and Boreal into present, active characters. But the subplot was introduced too early and moved too slowly, bogging down the season.

In 1x2 Boreal crosses. In 1x3 we learn who he's looking for. In 1x5 we meet Will. In 1x7 the burglary. 1 episode worth of plot is chopped up and fed to us piecemeal across many. Boreal literally stalls for two episodes before the burglary- there are random 30 second shots of him sitting in a car watching John Parry on YouTube (videos we’d already seen) completely isolated from any other scenes in the episode

By the time we get to S2 we've had 2 seasons of extended material building up Boreal, so when he just dies like in the books it's anticlimactic. The show frontloads his subplot with meaning without expanding on its payoff, so the whole thing fizzles out. 

Giving Boreal, the secondary villain in literally every episode, the same death as a background character in about 5 scenes in the novels feels cheap. It doesn’t help that, after 2x5 built the tension between Coulter and Boreal so well, as soon as Thorne is passed the baton in 2x6 he does little to maintain that momentum. Again, because the subplot is crosscut with everything else the characters hang in limbo until Coulter decides to kill him.

I’ve been watching non-book readers react to the show, and several were underwhelmed by Boreal’s quick, unceremonious end. 

Similarly, the show builds up John Parry from 1x3 instead of just the second book. Book!John’s death is an anticlimax but feels narratively justified. In the show, we’ve spent so much extra time talking about him and then being with him (without developing his character beyond what’s in the novels- Pullman even outlined John’s backstory in The Subtle Knife’s appendix. How hard would it be to add a flashback or two?) that when John does nothing in the show and then dies (he doesn’t even heal Will’s fingers like in the book- only tell him to find Asriel, which the angels Baruch and Balthamos do anyway) it doesn’t feel like a clever, tragic subversion of our expectations, it feels like a waste that actively cheapens the audience’s investment.

TL;DR giving supporting characters way more screentime than they need only, to give their deaths the same weight the books did after far less build up makes huge chunks of the show feel less important than they were presented to be. 

FRUSTRATINGLY LIMITED EXPANSION AND NOVELLISTIC STORYTELLING

Thorne is unwilling to meaningfully develop or expand characters and subplots to fit a visual medium. He introduces a plot-point, invents unnecessary padding around it, circles it for an hour, then moves on.

Pullman’s books are driven by internal monologue and big, complex theological concepts like Daemons and Dust. Instead of finding engaging, dynamic ways to dramatise these concepts through the actions of characters or additions to the plot, Thorne turns Pullman’s internal monologue into dialogue and has the characters explain them to the audience

The novels’ perspective on its characters is narrow, first because Northern Lights is told only from Lyra’s POV, and second because Pullman’s writing is plot-driven, not character-driven. Characters are vessels for the plot and themes he wants to explore.

This is a fine way of writing novels. When adapting the books into a longform drama, Thorne decentralised Lyra’s perspective from the start, and HDM S1 uses the same multi-perspective structure that The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass do, following not only Lyra but the Gyptians, Mrs Coulter, Boreal, Will and Elaine etc

However, these other perspectives are limited. We never get any impression of backstory or motivation beyond the present moment. Many times I’ve seen non-book readers confused or frustrated by vague or non-existent character motivations.

For example, S1 spends a lot of time focused on Ma Costa’s grief over Billy’s disappearance, but we never see why she’s sad, because we never saw her interact with Billy.

Compare this to another show about a frantic mother and older brother looking for a missing boy. Stranger Things uses only two flashbacks to show us Will Byers’ relationships with his family: 1) When Joyce Byers looks in his Fort she remembers visiting Will there. 2) The Clash playing on the radio reminds Jonathan Byers of introducing Will to the song.

In His Dark Materials we never see the Costas as a happy family- 1x1’s Gyptian ceremony focuses on Tony and Daemon-exposition. Billy never speaks to his mum or brother in the show 

Instead we have Ma Costa’s empty grief. The audience has to do the work (the bad kind) imagining what she’s lost. Instead of seeing Billy, it’s just repeated again and again that they will get the children back.

If we’re being derivative, HDM had the chance to segway into a Billy flashback when John Faa brings one of his belongings back from a Gobbler safehouse in 1x2. This is a perfect The Clash/Fort Byers-type trigger. It doesn’t have to be long- the Clash flashback lasted 1:27, the Fort Byers one 55 seconds. Just do something.

1x3 beats into us that Mrs Coulter is nuts without explaining why. Lots of build-up for a single plot-point. Then we're told Mrs Coulter's origin, not shown. This is a TV show. Swap Boreal's scenes for flashbacks of Coulter and Asriel's affair. Then, when Ma Costa tells Lyra the truth, show the fight between Edward Coulter and Asriel.

To be clear, Thorne's additions aren’t fundamentally bad. For example, Will boxing sets up his struggle with violence. But it's wasted. The burglary/murder in 1x7 fell flat because of bad editing, but the show never uses its visual medium to show Will's 'violent side'- no change in camera angle, focus, or sound design, nothing. It’s just a thing that’s there, unsupported by the visual language of the show

The Magisterium scenes in 2x2 were interesting. We just didn't need 5 of them; their point could be made far more succinctly.

In 2x6 there is a minute-long scene of Mary reading the I Ching. Later, there is another scene of Angelica watching Mary sitting somewhere different, doing the SAME THING, and she sees an Angel. Why split these up? It’s not like either the I Ching or the Angels are being introduced here. Give the scene multiple layers.

Thorne either takes good character moments from the books (Lyra/Will in 2x1) or uses heavy-handed exposition that reiterates the same point multiple times. This hobbles the Witches (their dialogue in 2x1, 2 and 3 literally rephrases the same sentiment about protecting Lyra without doing anything). Even character development- see Lee monologuing his and Mrs Coulter's childhood trauma in specific detail in 2x3

This is another example of Thorne adding something, but instead of integrating it into the dramatic action and showing us, it’s just talked about. What’s the point of adding big plot points if you don’t dramatise them in your dramatic, visual medium? In 2x8, Lee offhandedly mentions playing Alamo Gulch as a kid.

I’m literally screaming, Jack, why the flying fuck wasn’t there a flashback of young Lee and Hester playing Alamo Gulch and being stopped by his abusive dad? It’s not like you care about pacing with the amount of dead air in these episodes, even when S2’s run 10 minutes shorter than S1’s. Lee was even asleep at the beginning of 2x3, Jack! He could’ve woken from a nightmare about his childhood! It’s a little lazy, but better than nothing.

There’s a similar missed opportunity making Dr Lanselius a Witchling. If this idea had been introduced with the character in 1x4, it would’ve opened up so many storytelling possibilities. Linking to Fader Coram’s own dead witchling son. It could’ve given us that much-needed perspective on Witch culture. Imagine Lanselius’ bittersweet meeting with his ageless mother, who gave him up when he reached manhood. Then, when the Magisterium bombs the Witches in 2x2, Lanselius’ mother dies so it means something.

Instead it’s only used to facilitate an awkward exposition dump in the middle of a trial.

The point of this fanfic-y ramble is to illustrate my frustration with the additions; If Thorne had committed and meaningfully expanded and interwoven them with the source material, they could’ve strengthened its weakest aspect (the characters). But instead he stays committed to novelistic storytelling techniques of monologue and two people standing in a room talking at each other

(Seriously, count the number of scenes that are just two people standing in a room or corridor talking to each other. No interesting staging, the characters aren’t doing anything else while talking. They. Just. Stand.) 

SEASON 2 IMPROVEMENTS

S2 improved some things- Lyra's characterisation was more book-accurate, her dynamic with Will was wonderful. Citigazze looked incredible. LMM won lots of book fans over as Lee. Mary was brilliantly cast. Now there are less Daemons, they're better characterised- Pan gets way more to do now and Hester had some lovely moments. 

I genuinely believe 2x1, 2x3, 2x4 and 2x5 are the best HDM has been. 

But new problems arose. The Subtle Knife lost the central, easy to understand drive of Northern Lights (finding the missing kids) for lots of smaller quests. As a result, everyone spends the first two episodes of S2 waiting for the plot to arrive. The big inciting incident of Lyra’s plotline is the theft of the alethiometer, which doesn’t happen until 2x3. Similarly, Lee doesn’t search for John until 2x3. Mrs Coulter doesn’t go looking for Lyra until 2x3. 

On top of missing a unifying dramatic drive, the characters now being split across 3 worlds, instead of the 1+a bit of ours in S1, means the pacing/crosscutting problems (long establishing shots, repetition of information, undercutting momentum) are even worse. The narrative feels scattered and incohesive.   

These flaws are inherent to the source  material and are not the show’s fault, but neither does it do much to counterbalance or address them, and the flaws of the show combine with the difficulties of TSK as source material and make each other worse.

A lot of this has been entitled fanboy bitching, but you can't deny the show is in a bad place ratings-wise. It’s gone from the most watched new British show in 5 years to the S2 premiere having a smaller audience than the lowest-rated episode of Doctor Who Series 12. For comparison, DW's current cast and showrunner are the most unpopular since the 80s, some are actively boycotting it, it took a year-long break between series 11 and 12, had its second-worst average ratings since 2005, and costs a fifth of what HDM does to make. And it's still being watched by more people.

Critical consensus fluctuates wildly. Most laymen call the show slow and boring. The show is simultaneously too niche and self-absorbed to attract a wide audience and gets just enough wrong to aggravate lots of fans.

I’m honestly unsure if S3 will get the same budget. I want it to, if only because of my investment in the books. Considering S2 started filming immediately after S1 aired, I think they've had a lot more time to process and apply critique for S3. On the plus side, there's so much plot in The Amber Spyglass it would be hard to have the same pacing problems. But also so many new concepts that I dread the exposition dumps.