#at least my cat is fine i guess :) :) :)
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an art trade for @lucia-the-mii!
tiny little friends hanging out and eating beans 😊
.... y'know, this got me wondering something, though.........
oH GOD WAIT NO EYHM STOP!!!!!!!!
#well.... considering how much pizza this cat's eaten though real-world dietary restrictions might not be so much of an issue.#cute little design though! i'd love to see the actual mii they're based off of hehe 👀#my art#art trade#pizza tower oc#eyhm stuff#.... semi-related. our dog ate a peanutbutter cup the other day. but. only the peanut butter? he ate entirely around the chocolate.#and he didn't get sick or show signs of anything being wrong so. i guess he was fine? still slightly scary.#but at least he decided the part of the candy most likely to kill him wasn't yummy enough.
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people with outdoor cats be like: yes my cat came back home half dead, caught hiv, is full of parasites and sometimes has gone missing for weeks but i don't care bc at least the cat is free and not locked inside like selfish people do!!!
#i cannot fucking stress this enough PLEASE do not let your cats roam outside freely if you care about them#if they're used to going outside leash them!!!!#the amount of cats we get at the clinic who come almost dead/with horrible wounds bc they're allowed to be outside is insane#not to mention how many run over cats i see where i live#they could get attacked by other animals too#like its just not worth it#we had to put down a cat today after the owners found her almost dead with an INSANE infection bc she had ruptured her intestines#her hip was shattered too#looked like probably some asshole kicked her#and the owners were like oh we had just buried one of our other cats the other day after she got attacked by another animal#and im just standing there like ?????? and that's normal to you??????#oh but at least the cats can climb trees though 🤪#remember the dude i talked about a while ago who brought his cat in honestly the worst condition I've ever seen?#covered in poop vomit piss and fuck knows what else?#that had a colony of cats all infected with FelV bc he refuses to vax them?#yeah this woman was a family member btw#thank FUCK he didn't come today because that would've been a shitshow#all things considered at least this woman seems to be... not absolutely fucking insane? i guess?#but anyway she kept saying how it was sudden! and how the cat was perfectly fine last night!#oh my gOD that cat had maggots eating her from the inside that doesn't happen overnight#cats are tough and will hide a lot of pain but can't you just tell the truth???#you either didn't care enough to bring this poor baby earlier or you just noticed now what had happened to her
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not me finally replying to ao3 comments lmao orz
#sup everybody i was gonna write on darkest hour and then my cat with the uti started puking#and then i got a phone call for a thing happening next week just to add on top of my Tasks and Responsibilities#pls i just want to write about cats#why is everything happen NOW#cats fine btw we're p sure she's turbo constipated but she ate smth at least#antibiotics gonna do it to ya i guess poor girl
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people really be out here saying they hate CATS (musical) and that cats is dogshit etc etc and then only show images of or refer to the 2019 movie. GIRL... THAT ISNT CATS... WATCH 98’ P L E A S E. Then you will at least respect it as a ballet show because that’s what it is at it’s core. Fuck
#I don’t even hate cats 2019 for the record. But if you don’t already love cats the musical you will probably not like it. And may not anyway#It’s like 50/50#It has a few little things I pick and choose and mostly I discard it in favor of 98 and the tour I saw. US tour 6 forever#Anyway if you guys didn’t know cats has a proshot from 1998. It’s amazing. About 2 hours even. Truly the musical#If you watch that and don’t like it. Fine. You just don’t like ballet or musicals I guess.#But most people watch 2019 and then judge cats and it’s fans as a whole on that#When it is NOT EQUIVILANT.#Movies based on musicals are almost always bad. Or at least mid. Theyre never as good as the show a proshot would always be better#cats#cats musical#if ur gonna judge my baby at least judge my actual baby. Please 🥺for me
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don't you love it when you get hit by multiple financial emergencies (vet visit, broken washing machine, water damage) within a couple days and you're down to like 50€ with more than half the month plus christmas family visits still to go? bc i absolutely love it and am totally not freaking out right now :)
#came home to water leaking from the washing machine#not terribly much thankfully#but enough to spill into the hallway and sit probably for hours#have to repair the floors out of my own pocket 🙃#at least my cat is fine i guess :) :) :)#mondays am i right
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putting on the baby pink cinnamoroll sweatshirt so that maybe i'll better embrace the new baby pink laptop.....
#my cat. my sweet and wonderful cat. the very same cat who knocked food out of my hand.#decided that he wanted to crash into me from behind and collide with my laptop screen#so now i have a pretty pink laptop that doesn't have a screen covered in several distracting dents#and also some overwhelming guilt and anxiety because large purchase and unnecessary expense an dsjflkasdjlfasd i'm so fucking stressed now#i hate making big purchases for myself specifically. everyone else is allowed but me? fuck no.#but i need a laptop for work and also for writing. what am i if not a writer? absolutely nothing.#the other laptop probably would have been fine to still use -_- but those bright white spots would have driven me i n s a n e#at least now i have blue boy as a backup in case something ever happens to pastel pink boy. i guess i'm a pastel pink boy now too....#pastel pink boy (laptop) needs a name. if you've gotten to the bottom of this tag rant: i'm open to suggestions.
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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im going to walk off a bridge
#talking baseball#mlb#seattle mariners#paul seward#first my cat dies now we trade paul can’t have shit anymore smh#(honestly paul was the one i was most prepared to lose so at least there’s that but like)#(god i hope this is the only guy on the main roster we move)#(if this is the price we pay for keeping like logan and bryce i guess it’s… fine)#(man i’m sad tho)
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Me painting my nails all black at almost 5 am when I have to be up by 10 to work at 11
Thinking to myself, "Ah. I really am not doing okay."
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess.#i keep wavering on whether im coping fine or not#im trying. trying to not linger too much. trying to just live my life and continue pursuing my interests#tricking myself that everything is okay. smiling and laughing and enjoying the little things#and then it's nearly 5 am and im remembering the time my uncle came into my bubble tea shop while i was working#a surprise visit. and i got to take his order & recommend him things. a nice little thing.#im remembering trips with him. him driving and me being a little wallflower. but my family expects this so it's okay#im remembering my birthday. this year. where i was free from school and so looking forward to the summer#and then like a week later i got the news that my uncle had cancer. and a week after that my cat died.#and i got through it. i worked on getting better. i was starting to get better. & then i got the call from my dad#that my uncle was in the hospital again. and a week and a half later he was dead.#and here i am now. nearly 3 weeks later. and what do i have to show for it?#with cassy i cried 14 times in one night. it felt like a stab in the chest. a horrible wound. one i still flinch from remembering.#with my uncle... i had time to prepare myself. i began grieving well before he died. so it wasnt such a horrible shock to my system#instead... it feels like ive been slowly bleeding out. a gaping wound that isnt closing no matter how much i desperately try to.#bc the fact of the matter is that this is family. my uncle. who ive known my entire life. & who i was pretty close to#at least compared to my aunts on my mom's side. ive always been closer to my family on my dad's side.#it's not going to go away so soon. i know this. and it doesnt help that ive been away from my family for so much of this.#the memorial is in a week. im hoping it will help to heal the wound. at least a little bit.#i hate living life feeling like i have a hole in my chest. i hate losing people i love.#animal death ment/#death/#regardless. my nails are black. and it's time to go to sleep.
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Every time I see that post about bids for attention, or whatever it is, I think about my mom.
I don't really talk to anyone in my family, and I hate that and don't know how to reconnect.
My mom is also into birds so last summer when I saw the whooping crane I texted her a shitty excited picture and like all caps, "I saw a whooping crane!!!"
Her response was "lol". That's it. No follow up or chit chat, just a shut down of my attempts to connect with her.
The other week I sent her a link to the crane cam and told her to check in on it at sunrise and sunset (which is when the cranes are there, though lately they've been hanging out later in the day) and her response was "Cool!"
That's it! Again, completely shut me down. If I died tomorrow the last thing my mom said to me was "Cool".
#last message from my sister was two weeks ago#last text from my dad was january 16th#and we don't talk on the phone#like last time i talked to anyone on the phone was a year and 1/2 ago when my grandma died#i don't know what's wrong with all of us and I don't know how to fix it#i have two people i talk to outside of work#and we don't hang out because we're busy and/or live too far apart#anyway GUESS I'M LONELY AND FEELING PRETTY BAD ABOUT IT TODAY#mostly I'm like cool to do shit on my own#but sometimes it's like... i don't have a choice anyway#at work when I'm like well I'm gonna have to drag my cat on a 1200 mile round trip cause i don't have another choice#people are like you really don't have ANYONE who could watch him?#i don't know what part of “i have only one friend in milwaukee and i don't have a family” people don't understand#sorry i know no one reads this shit who the fuck am i apologizing to#i want to take a Big Trip for my 42nd year but even if i find the money am i going to travel alone?#like all the way to alaska or scotland or fucking somewhere alone?#road tripping alone is fine cause at least i have my car#ok anyway shut up sarah no one cares
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While I am busy drawing my next lil artsy things I just wanted to show you a good old before and after of my last bits of art Mainly that since all of them were quickies the sketches were basically non-existent(except for Kiyans horse)
now what I usually do is have the pre-sketch and then a better one like
but I guess skipping a whole step is also....fine....it’s fine don’t look too deeply at it don’t worry
also bonus Lambert (or what could be an egg)face
#wip#i GUESS idk what to tag this as#i just noticed that i didnt rly....prepare any of my last arts here#also just oops to that#i am however doing that with the next ones so...i guess expect a different style or smth idk#i can never predict my style either just go with whatever comes#and i also have to sketch the next one better bc there is at least 1 character who i dont draw often in them#and while i can doodle lamb aiden and even kiyan and gezras on the go and be fine with that#everyone else is on thin ice#mostly bc i dont draw them even 1/10th as often as the aformentioned cats and 1 wolf crew#coen MAYBE but i'd have to look up what clothes i gave him#i also havent drawn him in ages....rip buddy
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guess who didnt need to come back to uni this week since one of my only lectures is online -> 🙋♀️
#i Guess i can at least use the library while im here#for my coursework#and i have a lecture and meeting on thursday#but 😒#i couldve been in my warm and cozy bed 😒#at home with my cats ☹️#whatever its Fine
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is it normal for my mom to want nothing to do with me when I'm sick
no cuddles, no hugs, no anything until I'm better so she doesn't get sick. which. I get that, but I just want some comfort while I'm feeling like total shit.
#and this is why I have more physical interactions with my friends than my parents#my dad doesn't mind hugging me though#he's just not my mom#guess i'll go cuddle with my cats for a week and a half#thanks mom#personal#I also have to drive my sister around despite barely being able to talk because not only do I have no energy I also have a sore throat#and sinus pressure#and i'm really shaky and dizzy#it's fine#I'll live#it's just a common cold#at least it's not the flu#the flu was absolutely miserable
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really and truly there's nothing quite like falling face-first onto the edge of your kitchen counter while mr. brightside continues to play as you're picking yourself up off the floor
#i guess at least there was a dish cloth to cushion at least some of the blow#probably the only thing that kept my glasses from breaking at all#also my cat was yelling at me bc it was dinner time and she did Not care that i hurt myself she was hungry and that was way more important#other than some soreness and the small cuts from my glasses frame between my brows i think i'm fine#but like i said earlier maybe this will get me to get my shit together#bc this was all due to me being high so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#talking tag#injury
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me: i have nothing big coming up this month financially so i think i can finally replace the old vacuum
life, literally two days later: hey here's an unexpected vet bill of almost exactly what you just spent lol
#s i g h#i can pay it but it'll probably put me like 100€ short at the end of the month#good thing i'm practiced at stretching money i guess lol#smh tho i hate when this happens#at least my cat is fine#she was throwing up her food for days it was scary#turns out she had an allergic reaction to something in the food#got some meds and switched to new food#the things we do for our pets lmao
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the downside of subscribing to a substack telling me about US trans news: i now know about US trans news
#and i know about one guy who has a real high chance of being elected in my area if he gets past the republican primary#when have we ever not elected a republican? it's all up to who republican voters decide they want to run#serious post#us stuff#would tag this for trans stuff too but I'm hoping this doesn't end up in tags for anything#venting about it in detail would dox me I guess but.#the 'upside' of not having gotten my shit together enough to start hrt or anything: can go back into the closet pretty easily#is it stupid that i'd chose shaving my face and going back into the closet over potentially having to leave my cat?#he's such a sensitive little dude idk if he'd be able to keep food down if I moved him to a totally new environment. he'd be too stressed#not enough money to get a loan for a house and can't rent a place with all the cats so i'd have to just go by myself if i went#they'd be fine here with just mom but. idk man. i guess we'll see what my options end up being#even if we could magically get a house with a really low loan mom wouldn't have a job#and i've found the least miserable job i'm ever going to be qualified for i think. might be stupid to not want to leave it#just so I don't have to go back into retail#but I don't want to leave the job either. not going to find anything better#so I guess I'll stay even if it would be smarter to go#proud to be an american huh? fuck.
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