#at least i get to be unconscious for it this time around.
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gwemmieee · 23 hours ago
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Yeah. I have a big bone to pick with women who go out of their way to gatekeep someone out of our club. Most of them are cis and straight, but trans fems who do this unfortunately exist. That instance looks like some disgusting hypocrisy to me, because most baby trans fems really emotionally lean on the willingness of this community to emphasize that you are your gender and you are valid no matter how many steps you've already taken and been successful with. That is a crucial, supportive message, and suppressing it in any way is tantamount to pulling up the ladder behind you. Which, yeah, every community has its assholes who pull up ladders.
It is also a tough line to walk sometimes for women, because most of us have learned that there are certain ways we can't entirely just open up to most masculine folks and let them into our entire lives and every space. Not without a lot of pain. So we are incentivized to wait until someone makes it clear that they're safe, before they're let into our inner lives more. This function has caused me SO much strife, because before I was accepted as a woman, it kept me outside in the cold, alone, really close to an early grave, but now that I am fully living as a woman, and even before I was doing that, my efforts to ignore this function entirely and just let any masculine person into my heart, my inner world, and my safest spaces, have not always gone well, and sometimes those efforts have backfired, made me unsafe, and deeply traumatized me.
These days, the only conclusion I've been able to find is that women need to work on what we recognize as red and green flags, for who is safe. It's pretty easy to see that the average set of red and green flags you see most non-queer white women adhere to are... crap. Truly crap. Delusional, not based in reality, etc. And that sucks because it isolates them more and it gives them more excuse to be really shitty to people, or to gossip about them in ways that really aren't fair to them.
Earlier in my transition, I still had it internalized that I had had so much trouble because I wasn't good enough, because I didn't do enough, and that's why women didn't let me in. But I was literally running around freely saying out loud that I was genderfluid, that I had no concept of manhood and little concept of gender, that I thought it would be cool if I was born as a woman, that I wanted other pronouns to be used on me, that I could be pretty gay/queer, acting pretty gay/queer, openly rejecting most masculine behaviors and modes of thought, constantly openly celebrating femininity, experimenting with gender presentation... I was a very queer little dude. And I've only been able to recognize that in retrospect. Because nobody let me in. Trans fems may have let me in, but they weren't around much in the late 00s and early 10s. I never met one. But I did meet and usually deeply connect with countless fellow eggs, before any of us knew. In situations like mine, trans fems generally didn't even get to find themselves until a bisexual cis woman took it upon herself to date them as a perceived man, and then recognize their queerness and allow them to explore gender with her acceptance and assistance. Because being allowed into womanhood was so rare and taboo that it had to happen behind closed doors as part of a romantic relationship. I was aro/ace, and I unconsciously looked to get the same experience out of a platonic friendship, but all I got was led on. Told I was a close friend but still treated like a stray animal compared to their feminine friends. Not let in.
Meanwhile, cis women, and fem-raised queer folks who at the time universally saw themselves as, yknow proudly not quite men at least, universally treated me like a burly cis man deserving of none of their support or curiosity and all of their suspicion and gossip about how "he's creepy." Consistently. Until I finally came out as a woman in 2022. And that's so 100% on them. They went out of their way to not see me for who I was and just keep me out in the cold. So yeah. The state of gatekeeping of womanhood is *bad*. And in my experience, most of it comes from people who had/have easy access to unquestioned claims of womanhood, whether that's because they're AFAB or because their transition into womanhood was really fast and made them really conventionally attractive.
But what about trans fems? Well, we aren't perfect with our red and green flags, either. It's hard to be. Personally, I've noticed there is a small contingent (VERY small) of trans fems my age who operate more like the old world transsexuals in that they really are truscum gatekeepers, often also ableist, and borderline psychopathic in the level of emotional labor they expect from you as a friend vs. what they're willing to put up with in return. And that is very unfortunate. My early transition saw a lot of them genuinely help me as incredible new friends, but then hurt me badly and burn bridges for no good reason. And I feel that there is a bit of a schism in the trans fem community between elders who usually just want to stealth out--who look down on baby transes and cringe and don't help us, or even if they do talk to us and help, there is still a very clear line denominating their actual friends and community that we never get to cross into--and the rest of us who openly embrace being queer and not assimilating all the way. But, frankly? Most trans fems I've met are the most welcoming and least gatekeeping folks on the planet. Most are that latter, queerer camp. And we operate exactly the way that we should: we let anyone safe into our inner world, even if that safe person happens to be a man. And some of us STILL see that backfire. And so even we can't be completely carefree. But we can always learn and grow and get better and better at what we actually identify as red and green flags.
wait where are all the trans guys
Historical-anthropological research, especially the work taking place before the 21st century or outside the West, tends to focus entirely on transfeminized groups. So when reading these works it’s pretty natural to ask — wait, where are all the trans guys? This is a reasonable question with a few clear answers; this post is something quick I can point people to.
The central condition of transfeminized groups' absorption into feminist activism has been to accept a kind of symmetry with select TME groups through the understanding of trans femininity as "gender variance." Under this framework, transfeminized groups' social position can be understood as a consequence of gender variance and some abstract violation of cis norms; this was proposed by people like Susan Stryker and Emi Koyama [1], among others, and continues to structure trans inclusion today. It also fails when considering several basic aspects of these groups:
Transfeminized groups are associated with hyperspecific labor practices, most frequently sex work, but also hair styling, drag, makeup artistry, acting, and other forms of 'gender work.'
Metropolitan transfeminized groups appear in the archive as highly clustered and active groups connected with, but usually intensely split from, the masculine men they fucked.
Transfeminized groups become a kind of 'third gender' on an epistemic level; they are Known to wider society before and after “coming out” in a way that USAmerican transmasculinity has only recently vaguely approached.
Transfeminized groups are heavily clustered in labor practice, social organization, and epistemic position, although this is not universal -- certain strains of USAmerican transfemininity have become a bit more labor-agnostic in the last two decades, not-so-coincidentally alongside more general currents of gender-labor liberation. The messy strains of trans male identity recovered from the archive and from current practice tend to lack labor, social, and epistemic coherence. As Aaron Devor notes in FTM, his 1997 history of FTM men, trans men in the 20th century tended to transition out of cities and into the countryside, finding low-profile places they could exist in. These practices, and the earlier "female husband" practices described by Jen Manion, relied on the labor-agnostic nature of transitioned manhood in order to disappear from public life. Transfeminized groups, on the other hand, are categorically restricted from the main form of economic life historically available to women -- marriage. Their labor practices are heavily constrained and have almost always revolved around some form of 'gender work:' as Susan Stryker put it, you need to get people to pay you for being a trans woman. Transmasculinity pushes away feminized restrictions on labor; trans femininity is labor.
Because transfeminized identities are so often labor-identities, and because their specific brand of 'gender work' and hormonal/silicone/surgical embodiment usually requires both specialized training and community support, nearly every metropolitan center in the world developed highly centralized transfeminized groups over the course of the 20th century [2]. As Ochoa notes, this visibility is partially due to epistemic visibility (everyone knows what a trans is), partially due to group structure (people work and train each other), and partially due to the selectively visible demands of finding clients. Fledglings come in with a way of being that is always already visible to society, but changing the body to match and learning how to fully enact and slowly contest the third-gender labor-identity they've been given takes a lot of community support.
So as labor-identities, transfeminized groups tend to a level of labor/community/epistemic coherence that has no clear counterpart. The news archives we have of trans men (as seen in Manion) position them as singular and easily absorbed back into the female gestalt; the cisgender feminist/gayguy/AIDS researchers that form the bulk of historical-anthropological work saw them as unnecessary to their grand theories of gender; the communities themselves have been materially fractured and, for the groups that rise out of lesbian-feminist activism, only partially committed to their own existence. The result of all this is that there is no clear equivalent to the "transfeminized groups" of Jules-Gill Peterson; there is no symmetry to trannydom, and while additional work to unearth trans manhood in the archive remains extremely valuable, sometimes the necessary level of label-coherence and social existence just isn't there.
[1] Stryker, "My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamounix: Performing Transgender Rage," Emi Koyama, "The Transfeminist Manifesto" [2] As seen in Namaste, Invisible Lives, Prieur, "Mema's House, Mexico City," Kulick, "Travesti," Newton, "Mother Camp," Ochoa, "Queen for a Day," Hegarty, "The Made-Up State," and plenty more. Most of these works came out in the late 80s and 90s due to a combination of the feminist "third gender" craze, the burgeoning field of masculinity studies, and AIDS.
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hearts4werka · 3 days ago
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NNN day 23 | Fractured Bonds
summary: you and Chris never got along, until your parents forced you to at least attempt to be civil with each other since you’ll be flying out for vacation soon to be on good terms, you were getting along pretty well until a truck comes crashing into you but Chris pushes you out of the way, causing the harsh injuries to himself, suffering a broken leg & two fingers and a slight concussion, making your good relationship crush and crumble, or did it?
warnings: FLUFF&ANGST, car crash, mild swearing, harsh injuries, bleeding, kissing & possibly more!
authors note: hii guys, this fic is inspired by that one episode of Icarly so if y’all think heard something like this than thats your answer, I’m not rlly sure what else to put here my brain is starting to just
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Soft chatter mixed with the sweet scent of ice cream fill the air around us, somehow me and Chris managed to be at least civil with each other today and saw each other from a different perspective. Our time together would consist usually of hard banters, arguments and frequent fights between each other, I never had a specific reason on why I dislike Chris so much. It was rather a feeling of knowledge and he just built his whole person around that fact, our feet step and walk down the cement sidewalk in a visible rhythm, stepping their own way instead if trying to sabotage the others step.
“Never would I expect to see you acting like a normal person in front of me,” I conclude all of the thoughts swirling in my mind at once, I’ve learned to enjoy the present day and the things happening in the moment than to constantly worry about the past, a small smile spreads across my face as I look at the moment I’m spending with the person I once called my worst enemy. “Never thought I would see doing something else than trying to rip my hair out.” He jokes, pushing away the slight tense air that had accumulated in the single moment of silence between us before soft chuckles break through it.
I glance over at him, starting to see soft peaks of a side I’ve never thought my eyes would notice of him before which only intensifies my smile, he notices my gaze lingering for longer than it should be and a faint blush hints on his cheeks. “You’re not such a bad person after all, it’s actually pretty nice just talking to you like I would talk to any of my friends.” I confess, tasting my ice cream as the different flavors burst and spread across my taste buds, creating a sugarcoated layer of deliciousness on the outside of my tongue. “I can say the same about you, sweetheart” He teases as he takes a taste of his own ice cream, his expression becoming shadowed with empathy as well as the slightest hint of… attraction?
I couldn’t really tell all of the emotions apart no matter how hard I tried, my mind immediately went to dismiss the small detail as irrelevant and we continue to walk and chat among each other but the happy and safe space that surrounded us soon came to a tragic and sudden end, as we were crossing the street I noticed a pair of truck head lights coming towards me at a ungodly speed, my whole demeanor shifter dramatically from positive to instant feat for my life, just as I was accepting my faith and thought it was too late — a pair of strong arms pushed me out of the way of the truck — I fell on to the hard concrete and caused it to scratch my skin but my eyes look over at Chris who had pushed me out of the way as the reckless truck driver hit his body with full force, it crashing into a nearby ditch as Chris lays on the road like a pathetic roadkill.
My features flood with panic and horror, running over to his now unconscious body with my arms shaking like an earthquake as they spring to the bleeding parts of his body, trying to stop the blood from coming out of the wounds and keep him from bleeding out, “f-fuck! Chris! A-are you-?…” I cut myself off as Ireach into the pocket of my pants with shaky arms to retrieve my phone to call the ambulance or any kind of help I could reach in this moment. As I speak into the phone my voice trembling and slipping over words, the pain evident in my voice while the medical help attempt to calm me down through the phone when they notice how freaked out I am but their attempts don’t work, even though I once considered him as an enemy and we both wished upon our downfall but never actual death.
I wait for the ambulance to come as fast as they can while I try to keep Chris stabilized, heavy tears mixing with the bloody mess on my hands as I go wipe my tear stained cheeks, causing it to catch some of the blood off my hands and transfer onto my face. A quiet curse leaves my mouth as I put my hands over the more severe wounds until I hear the faint sound of sirens in the distance, paramedics rushing over to the scene and taking me and Chris both to the hospital.
- a week after Chris got discharged from the hospital
My eyes flutter open as I stirr awake, my body immediately becoming tense when I sit up on my bed, running a hand through my hair as I search around for my phone to check what time it currently is, the weekend has officially started and my mother has sent me to visit Chris today again. Ever since the accident happened, my mother has told me I need to go visit him as much as I can but every time I do, we just fight over who’s fault it was and other minor things and I would always leave with a slam of his door, it’s like the good relationship we slowly build and started to warm up to each other it just flew right out of our grasp after the accident, I blame myself entirely for it, it shouldn’t have been him who took the fall — it was supposed to be me and not him — and he blames himself for jumping in to save me and took the harsh injuries upon himself.
I get out of bed and slump over to the closet, getting dressed into more appropriate outside clothes before grabbing all of my stuff and walking downstairs to eat something for breakfast before I get going, my mom was already in the kitchen drinking a freshly brewed coffee to wake her up and a cooked breakfast infront of her m, she sees me and glances up from her dish. “You’re going to visit Chris today?” I nod my head, putting my bag down on the counter as I see some left over breakfast. “I left you some breakfast on the stove and eat it before you go.” She informs me and goes back to her own business. I grab a place at put the food on top of it, sitting down at the table I eat my breakfast and get going.
- one car ride later
After a long fifteen minutes of driving to Chris’s house, I finally make it into their driveway and turn off the engine, unbuckling my seatbelt and exiting the car, my feet drift over the stone path as I make my way to the front door and letting myself in. His mom was in the living room, her hands clutching the edges of the newspaper she was currently reading, I give her a welcome nod and she speaks. “There’s a bowl of soup in the kitchen for Chris and since you’re here, could you bring it to him? He can’t constantly walk down the stairs with his broken leg” “Of course I can, Ms. Sturniolo,” I state politely, walking into the kitchen and cradling the bowl in my hands while steadily making my way upstairs to Chris’s room. “Thank you sweetie” I faintly hear Ms. Sturniolo’s voice as I enter the room, Chris sitting up in his bed while reading a random book, a half-smoked cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth as he looks up at me.
“What are you doing here now?” He questions, his face shadowing with confusion and slight annoyance as he puts out the cigarette and drops it into the ashtray on his bedside table. “Are you here to fight with me again? Because if that’s the case then save it for yourself.” He states before putting his nose back into his book, ignoring my presence in the room. I roll my eyes at him, walking up to his bedside table and carefully place the bowl of soup his mom made down next to the other clutter on it, sitting down on the edge of his phone. “I’m not here to fight, can you acknowledge me for a minute or are you going to be stuck in that book forever?” My words make him look up at me, a visible mixture of annoyance with slight empathy in his eyes.
“Then why are you here?” He asks again, putting his book down onto his lap and turning his attention towards me. “I came to visit you, if you haven’t noticed yet” “Your mom forced you again?” “No, understand that I actually care for once.” I speak, the soft undertone of guilt hidden in my tone. “I never wanted this to happen, surely not when we were finally getting along with each other.” I state, fidgeting lightly with my fingers at the thought he did this for me, so I didn’t have to suffer how he is now, my heart aches each time with guilt as I think about what could have originally happened and he seems to notice my deep in thought state. “Can you stop blaming fucking yourself for this? It’s not your fault, I was the one who pushed you out of the way. If it’s anyone’s fault it should be mine,”
He grabs my hand into his to stop my fingers from fighting with each other, his eyes landing on mine and staring deeply into them. “But you shouldn’t have, I should have been the one who suffered, you didn’t deserve this.” The guilt starts to crack through into my voice, being now more evident. “We both blame ourselves for it at the end of the day, and there’s no agreement happening soon with this whatsoever so there’s no point in fighting about this longer.“ I spill out, my mind swirling with a million different thoughts all at once. He doesn’t agree, nor disagree with me, leaving us to just stare deeply into each other’s eyes, the tension becoming more tense by the minute until I decide to break it by capturing his lips into one simple kiss with a deeper, hidden meaning behind it.
I could feel his body freeze in place before he melts right into it, his arm coming to rest around my waist as I feel the soft cold metal on my skin of the embrace his fingers have been encased in, sending a slight shiver down my spine as our lips fight a small battle for who gets to be the best kisser. We pull away eventually and faint pants leave our mouths and mix together from how close we are to each other, “Are we good now?” “Yeah but I was the better kisser for sure” “Who said that?” “I did, and it’s true.” “I call bullshit, I was better” I stand my ground, knowing I was definitely better than him, he smirks and rolls his eyes playfully “Oh you wanna fight? Fine, I’ll give you a little fight” with that said, he pulls me back into now a more fierce and dominant kiss as we fall back on to his bed.
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𝐆𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 🏷️ | @sturnsxplr-25 - @strnzzvsp - @luvvs4chriss - @sturniolosweetheart33 - @pussypie456 - @venusxsturnio - @bagsbyclair0 - @sturnstvs - @dykes4chris - @hoe4matt - @cayleeuhithinknott - @strnilolover - @marrykisskilled - @phone4pills - @emely9274 - @cupiidk1lls - @lily-strnlo - @nicksgirlfriend - @sturniolosiphone - @sophand4n4 - @zombiesturniolo - @luvleyangeldust - @owensbabygirl - @sturnina - @leoslaboratory |
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miaoua3 · 23 hours ago
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(pairing: hoshi x f!reader)
sitting on the couch in the living room while reading a book to pass the time, you hear the door open and close, meaning that your boyfriend is finally home.
already smiling, you sit and wait to hear with what pickup line you will be greeted with today.
it has become sort of a tradition for soonyoung to say some flirty and silly pickup line upon entering your shared apartment instead of a plain “i’m home.”. yesterday for example, he greeted you with a “what’s brewing, my hot caramel and chocolate latte macchiato?”. they didn’t even make sense, but they were your favourite part of the day.
so, after 15 second of silence after he has entered, you knew immediately that something was wrong.
getting up, you call out “baby? is that you?”.
rounding up the corner, you see him clumsily trying to take off his chunky boots. upon noticing your presence, he mumbles “hm? oh yeah, hi.”.
oh-uh.
you immediately walk towards him, grabbing his round cheeks in your hands gently. directly his face so you can look at him, you coo through a pout. “what’s wrong, baby? did something happen? can i help you somehow?”.
noticing his red eyes slowly blinking at you, your heart breaks just a bit more.
through a quiet mumble, he said “just…it was a long say today. bad and long.”
rubbing his cheeks with your thumbs, you whisper just as quietly as he did “can i do something for you, baby?”.
his shoulder slightly drop in exhaustion as he closes his eyes.
“just hug me…and please don’t let go.”
immediately getting to it, you pull his head down so it rests on your shoulder before pulling the rest of him towards you. his arms immediately snake around your waist while he rubs his face (and all of his makeup) on your shoulder.
the entire time you just let your hands run up and down his back and head, shushing him whenever you feel his shoulder unconsciously tense up, probably because his mind can’t stop thinking about whatever things happened to him today and that got him feeling this stressed.
after what must’ve felt like half an hour (when in reality it was just 10 minutes) of hugging, you mumble against his ear “do you want me to prepare you something to eat? i went to your parents’ today, your mom gave me some kimchi to bring you, i could maybe make something with it while you take a shower?”.
upon you mentioning shower and insinuating for you two to separate, you feel his whole body tense up again, his head shaking ‘no’ firmly.
sensing that he will get upset again, you just say “okay, let’s just go to bed then, hm?”.
with a curt nod from him, you waddle to your room awkwardly while still holding him to yourself.
helping him change out of his clothes and into his pyjamas, you quickly help him take his makeup off and wash his face, never straying too far away and always keeping at least one hand on any part of his body.
finally, as you two lay down on your bed, he immediately crawls on top of you, forgetting that he’s a bit heavy and that he is definitely cutting off your breathing for the moment because of his weight on top of your chest.
but you ignore it, for the moment. because your soonyoungie, the love of your life, is seeking out your affection in hopes that his bad day can at least end on somewhat of a positive note.
you don’t even realise when he fell asleep until you hear low snoring from him, totally concentrated on playing with his short blonde hair.
feeling the dreamland calling for your name too, you kiss the top of his head before you close your eyes too.
“sweet dreams, my sweet boy.”
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myusuchaa · 2 days ago
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with you in a distorted fairy tale ༻¨*:·.
'dark if ' chapter 2 - elbert greetia
<- Chapter 1
This is a fan translation and may not be 100% accurate. I do not own anything. Cybird reserves the right of ownership for all in-game content.
author's note: Throughout this story, Kate refers to Elbert with feminine pronouns 彼女, and Elbert's title is the Queen 女王. Therefore, in sentences where Elbert is the main subject, sometimes you will see Elbert's pronouns listed as she/her. (i.e, "Elbert removed her hands"). This may be a bit confusing to read through, but I wanted to keep the translation as accurate and close to the original material as possible.
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Mirror Alfons: I've come to see the Princes gathered here--... Ah, no well, to see what was going on, but...
Mirror Alfons: My dear Elbert and Miss Kate, why on earth are you two so exhausted?
Mirror Alfons: Not to mention, I don't even see any Princes around.
Kate: Ah, those who came here all posed some type of problem, so we've asked each and every one of them to leave.
Some of them actually went after Queen Elbert, others were after the gold and silver treasures of this castle, and still others were only interested in picking up the maids.
To top it all off, the moment I was alone with a suitor, he tried to attack me.... the list just goes on and on.
Queen Elbert: All the men we called here today have been rejected.
Mirror Alfons: My goodness, what an utter failure. Well, at least Miss Kate seems somewhat alright.
Kate: Whenever there was a problem, Queen Elbert would step in.
Queen Elbert: I didn't think a single one of those men would make you more beautiful.....
Kate: Exactly! Yes, thank you Queen Elbert...
If I thanked him, Elbert would smile at me.
To be honest, I don't remember any of the faces of the men I met today. Elbert's smile was just so dazzling... I was sure I'd never forget it.....
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Mirror Alfons: Oh my... you two are staring at each other quite passionately. You two must have become quite close, no?
Mirror Alfons: Why, when I picked you up, you had all your hair standing on their ends, much like a stray cat.
Kate: Well... when you took me in, I mistakenly thought that Queen Elbert was a scary person.
I was wary of Elbert because there was a possibility that he would harm me, just like the true fairy tale story.
Kate: But, after spending more time with her, it became very apparent that Queen Elbert is a nice and kind person.
Kate: How could I not fall in love.... with someone like Elbert?
Queen Elbert: .....thank you, Kate.
Kate: It would be amazing if Elbert was actually a prince...
Since Lady Elbert was a Queen, that would be impossible. And if someone as wonderful as she were to appear before me, I would choose him as my prince with no hesitation.
I mumbled these thoughts to myself....
Queen Elbert: Thank you Kate.... to be admired in such a way, by you.... makes me happy.
Queen Elbert: And... the way you are trying so earnestly to find your prince, makes you seem radiant....
Queen Elbert: I feel like I'm getting closer to finding the most beautiful thing in the world that I desire.
I was once again captivated by a happy Elbert's exquisite smile.
(...aahhh no! I have to find my prince! I don't have any time to be attracted to the Queen!)
I was desperate to calm my pounding heart, which was beating wildly on its own.
Kate: Ahem, well.. In any case, I'll try my best to find my prince again starting tomorrow.
--time skip--
The search for the Prince lasted several days, only to end with fruitless results.
Queen Elbert: Let's take a break from searching for princes today.
While finishing breakfast, Elbert spoke up.
Kate: Yeah, we should... we won't find anyone at all if it keeps up at this rate.
(If this is the turn out so far, then no doubt what is missing from this story is the Prince.)
(To straighten out the story, I think it would be best to find someone to just fill in as the "missing Prince".)
(The Prince huh.....)
I unconsciously looked over at Elbert, who was having breakfast at the opposite side of the table.
(No, noo... She is a Queen!! She can't be a prince!!!!....)
Queen Elbert: ....Kate? You look gloomy.... is something wrong?
Kate: No not at all! It's just troubling, not being able to find the Prince.
(It was such a shame that Elbert couldn't become the Prince... and more so that I can't say that out loud.)
I put on a silly smile to cover up my thoughts.
After studying my face for some time, Elbert softly spoke.
Queen Elbert: Since we are not searching for princes today... I would be delighted if you join me in browsing for new clothes for you. If you'd like...
--after the tailor brings a catalogue--
Kate: Waaaoow!
After breakfast, Elbert showed me to a room filled with dresses and jewelry.
Tailor: Thank you very much for your order this time.
Tailor: We have a ride range of items today, from trendy articles to designs that have been loved for ages.
Tailor: Please let us know if you need help in trying on any of the items.
Kate: Heheh... Lady Elbert, anything here would look good on you!
Queen Elbert: Ah, no, not now... Today, I am choosing your new dress.
Kate: M- mine?!
Queen Elbert: A new dress will surely help you find your prince.
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Queen Elbert: Plus, I thought this would be a nice change of pace for you...
(Oh... I think Elbert is trying to cheer me up because I'm feeling down since I can't find a prince.)
(.....what an extremely kinda person...)
Kate: Aah.. thank you so very much, Elbert!!
Kate: Since this is a rare opportunity, I'll take you up on your offer!
My heart is filled with Elbert's consideration for me, and just thinking about it makes me feel better.
Then, after looking at some dresses with Elbert, I decided to buy one that I particularly liked.
Queen Elbert: ....just one dress?
Kate: Yes, and it's plenty! Thank you for everything.
To treat me, Snow White, so very well.... Queen Elbert is certainly different from the Queen of the original story.
(Maybe this... is a direct consequence of the distorted fairy tale?)
As long as I could remain by the kind Elbert's side, maybe I would be alright staying trapped here...
I then shook my head to clear away the selfish thoughts that crossed my mind.
Kate: By the way, why don't you pick out a new dress too, Lady Elbert?
Kate: Or next time, please allow me to find one for you!
Queen Elbert: Oh, no I-......
Elbert lowered her eyes in confusion, but I think she was just being reserved.
I looked around the room at all the dresses lined up. Then-
Kate: Look, what about this one, Elbert? I think this would look great on you.
Tailor: Ah- pardon me for intruding but... Miss.. that clothing is for men..
Tailor: Even though the Queen is indeed the type of person that could look good in anything, this is... a bit...
Kate: Eh?! *looks at the clothing she is holding* A-aaahh yes... you are very right.... please excuse what I said!
(Truly, the outfit I chose is clearly a man's outfit from every angle.....) [1]
[1] Here, signs are showing of Alfons's power weakening and Kate getting confused at what is true/what she is seeing. She is outwardly agreeing that Elbert is a woman, but her instincts sense and feel Elbie to be a man.
(Why exactly did I think this would suit Elbert so well??)
(Even though Elbert is clearly a "woman".)
Queen Elbert: Kate. I appreciate your thoughts, but I like my current clothes, so I don't think... I need anything new....
Kate: Oh is that so..
Queen Elbert: I'm so sorry.. even though you took the time to choose something...
Kate: Oh no! Sorry for being so intrusive...
In the end, Elbert only bought a dress for me, and nothing for herself.
--after dinner--
When returning to my room after eating dinner, Alfons called out to me.
Mirror Alfons: I heard that, apparently, you were trying to buy some men's clothes for Elbert.
Kate: Oh.. at that time, I thought those men's clothes would look good on her.
Kate: ..... That's strange, isn't it? Lady Elbert is a beautiful woman......
Mirror Alfons: Yes, that is strange indeed. "Lady Elbert is a beautiful woman."
As he agreed with my sentiment, Alfons removed his gloves and stroked the back of my neck.
Kate: ....? What.. what was that, suddenly....
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Mirror Alfons: You started speaking strangely, so strangely that I thought you had a fever.... alas, your temperature was normal.
Kate: Normally, you don't check the temperature for a fever at the nape of the neck....
Although I was confused by Alfons's behavior, ultimately it was Elbert that occupied all the space in my mind.
Kate: ...Alfons, why is it that Elbert collects beautiful things?
Mirror Alfons: That's an easy question to answer, though, well.. I'm not sure if I should answer it.
Kate: Hmm, as I thought.....
Mirror Alfons: *unsettled* 'As you thought'...?
Kate: When Elbert says she likes collecting beautiful things, she sounds desperate and... painful...
Kate: It didn't seem like she was just collecting things just because she liked to.
It almost felt like she was forcing herself into a corner and exacting punishment by having to find something beautiful.
Kate: So, I'm glad to know there are at least some circumstances as to why it's difficult to say so..
Kate: I will be sure not to ask Elbert herself why she collects them...
Mirror Alfons: And so, you decided to ask me beforehand.
Kate: Yes. I was sure even attempting to bring it up would hurt Elbert's feelings.
Mirror Alfons: .......
Mirror Alfons: ..........maybe you can heal El's wounds.
Kate: ...what?
Mirror Alfons: ..I've changed my mind. Let me show you.. the truth.
Saying that, Alfons handed me a key.
--scene switch--
I went to the location Alfons told me about and used the key to open the door.
(What hides in the basement of this castle...?)
Alfons told me to use the key to get into this room, but nothing more.
(I guess one can tell just by looking at it but... it's freezing cold down here..)
Rubbing my numb hands together, I had walked a few steps into the stone room when I spotted something.
(Is that... a coffin?)
In the center of the room was a gorgeous coffin made of glass.
(In the original story, the one in the glass coffin is supposed to be Snow White.... me...)
I was almost frightened at the scene, but I managed to endure it and take another step, peering into the coffin.
(Who is inside this...?)
The coffin bed was covered in flowers and a woman was lying on top of it.
(An extremely beautiful woman...)
And I was sure she was dead, for she wasn't moving at all.
It was so beautiful that I lost all sense of being scared.
(But why is there a body in Queen Elbert's castle...?)
Queen Elbert: ...Who is there?
Kate: ..!!!
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Queen Elbert: Kate...? Why? Why are you here..??
Seeing me standing in front of the coffin, Queen Elbert's face stiffened.
Kate: Th-.. well that's... I-.. Alfons gave me this key, and then I...
Queen Elbert: Al, huh...
Kate: Elbert... who is this woman?
<- Chapter 1 Premium End -> coming soon
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starlost-mochi-x · 3 days ago
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lonely st. ✧ chapter vi : broken mirrors
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pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader (y/n)
warnings: introducing a new character! jisung is the bestest ever and the biggest babygirl, sweet hyunjin, my nervous shy boy, very very fluffy, very soft, hyunjin keeps being clumsy
a/n: writing jisung is so ridiculously fun you have no idea
series masterlist | skz masterlist
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Y/n glanced across at Jisung, trying not to smile. He was busy bopping his head to the beat of whatever was playing in his headphones. His textbook was open in front of him, his laptop propping it up. His headphones were plugged into it, the excess cord wrapped loosely around his wrist.
Y/n put her pen down and leaned back in her chair, trying to see what he was listening to. She'd been finished with the assigned math work for the double lesson and she was watching Jisung. He was perfect entertainment.
Leaning back just a little further, she noticed his work was half-done. He was doing it at least; for the past couple of lessons he'd done nothing but bother her; asking for help on miscellaneous questions, not listening when she explained them to him, whispering rude jokes to her, doodling on her hand. Or all three of them if he was hyper enough. Y/n had learned to identify when he'd been gulping those sugary energy drinks Hyunjin refused to touch under any circumstances.
Now she knew why.
Not that she minded. It was fun to finally be able to sit next to someone. And Jisung didn't seem to mind that she wasn't much of a talker, excitedly filling the space between them with whatever happened to be occupying his mind at the moment.
Y/n failed to keep the smile from twitching at the corners of her mouth. His Spotify was open, a half-window, playing some song on full volume.
Queencard, she thought, smirking. Isn't that some popular (G)-IDLE song?
She leaned forward and tugged loosely on his sleeve. He pulled one tangled earphone out of his ear and looked at her with wide eyes.
"Whatcha listening to?" she asked, trying not to laugh.
"Oh, this one really good girl group song. Here," he shoved one of his earphones at her and she took it, grinning unconsciously as the beats filled her ear.
Jisung was doing the dance to the song in tiny, haphazard movements, completely focused. His eyes were trained on his math notebook but Y/n figured his head was somewhere else entirely. If she listened, she could hear him singing under his breath in the low chatter of the classroom.
Y/n huffed out a tiny laugh. A boy with freckles and blonde hair turned back from the seat in front of them to face Jisung. He was grinning ear to ear.
"Jisung, I know you love that song, but Mr Yang said he'd give you a detention if you didn't finish the classwork."
Jisung swore and hunched over his math book. There wasn't much class time left, and Y/n saw his pen scribbling messily over the paper, scrawling equations and diagrams. Her eyes widened. She'd never seen him write that fast in her life.
"There," Jisung said, clearly satisfied as he put his pen down. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms with a grin.
The blonde boy deadpanned. "And we have to show Mr Yang that we finished it before we're allowed to leave. Why do you think Y/n got up, like, half an hour ago?"
Groaning, Jisung tugged out his headphones with a sigh and snatched his book from the desk, marching up to the front of the classroom. Y/n watched with an amused smile as he practically shoved his book in their math teacher's face, clearly eager to show his finished work.
The blonde boy turned to Y/n. "I was lying to him about the detention part. But I get tired of having to explain everything to him when he could just do the work in class," he grinned.
Y/n brought her hand up to cover her smile. He had a point; Jisung never finished his work, no matter how much the teachers nagged him.
"Clever tactic," she mused.
The boy huffed out a laugh as Jisung came back down the desk aisle with a self-satisfied smile. He pushed his bleached fringe out of his eyes, his freckles changing positions as he smiled at Y/n again.
"I'm Felix, by the way."
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Y/n laid her head on her folded arms, trying not to fall asleep. Breaktime seemed so long ago, and Y/n glanced at the clock above the board, wondering when the bell for lunch would go. It currently read 5:33 PM. It was midday.
They should really get that replaced, she wondered idly.
She'd sat through three mind-numbingly boring lessons, having already gone ahead and finished most of the work for the classes. Not that she found the content very riveting anyway. It was amazing how boring the teachers could make a curriculum.
She blew a stray strand of hair out of her eyes and let them droop shut, fighting the urge to close them completely and succumb to a deep, dreamless sleep. She let out a little squeak as someone poked her in the side.
Turning her head and prepared to snap at whoever it was that had disturbed her, she locked eyes with a familiar, smiling face.
Hyunjin.
She huffed at him anyway, glaring at him in mock disapproval.
"What?" she whisper-shouted at him.
Hyunjin bit the corner of his lip and leaned forwards, eyes flitting to the front of the room to check that the teacher was occupied. Which he was, scrawling unintelligible diagrams on the board.
Hyunjin grinned at her and passed her a slip of paper, folded over three times. Raising an eyebrow, Y/n turned back to her desk and unfolded the paper. He'd written a single sentence at the top.
It's been a while since we talked.
Y/n side-eyed him and picked up her pen. She scribbled a reply and handed it to him, eyes not leaving the teacher.
It's been a day, Hyunjin. You're such a drama king.
Y/n saw him fight a laugh in her peripheral vision. He wrote his reply and held it out to her.
So? I missed you.
Y/n felt her heart drop to the bottom of her stomach. She wasn't really sure what that meant. Did he miss talking to her? Or being around her? What did he mean?
She knew one thing for sure. Tapping her pen against her knuckles, she paused, hesitating, before writing out a shaky reply and passing it back to him, biting her lip nervously.
I missed you too, Hyunjinnie.
Y/n didn't dare turn her head, fighting to keep her gaze locked on the much-less-interesting view of the diagrams on the board. Which she had no intention of copying down, by the way.
Would Hyunjin think she was weird for saying it back? Maybe it had just been a casual, chill sort of thing, not a sentimental 'oh, how I missed you so much' thing. She began to panic, her knee bouncing rapidly under the desk. She ran her fingertips along her pen, feeling the ridges and bumps of it as she fretted silently.
Y/n didn't know how long she sat with her eyes locked on her work, though it was finished. She didn't dare look across at Hyunjin, though all she wanted to do was gaze at his stupid face and gauge his reaction to her reply.
Maybe he would think she was just saying it out of pity. Or for the politeness of it. Or maybe he would think that she was a weirdo for calling him a nickname. Shit, she hadn't even asked him for permission to call him Hyunjinnie... Would he mind?
But we've been friends for long enough, right? I mean, we pretty much spend time together, alone, just the two of us, in the library every day. Maybe he won't mind. Oh no, maybe he might. Shit, why did I write that? He might think it's weird...
Hyunjin held the note out to her again between two long, slender fingers, not looking away from the front. Y/n kept her gaze trained on the front of the classroom too, reaching blindly across the aisle. Her fingers brushed his and a sudden chill ran down her spine. Taking the note, she pressed her fingers together around it. Like she could make it disappear if she just squeezed her fingertips together on the paper hard enough.
Biting the inside of her cheek, and trying to calm down her heart, which was racing suddenly for no foreseeable reason, she unfolded the note.
I passed by your math classroom on an errand for my teacher earlier. I saw you sitting with Jisung, listening to his music.
It was cute.
Y/n felt her cheeks tingling, her heart thudding so loud she was sure he could hear it. She swallowed, the action almost hurting, her throat was so dry. Like she'd been wandering for days in a desert.
Glancing down at the note, she noticed his handwriting had changed on the last sentence, like he'd paused before writing it. Her mind became a mess of jumbled, mushy thoughts.
Does he mean Jisung's cute? Or I'm cute? Or the fact that we were just sitting together...? I feel so hot of a sudden. Is the AC on? Wait, he probably wants me to reply...
She thought hard for a second, pen flicking between her fingers, palms unusually clammy. She let her tongue push into the hollow of her cheek, wondering what would be a reasonable, rational response to his reply.
Before the tip of her pen could touch the paper, Hyunjin outstretched his hand, letting it hold in the space between them. They were at the very back of the classroom, so he clearly wasn't concerned about anyone noticing.
Y/n's mind short circuited as she saw the movement, his fingers flicking back and forth in a 'give me' motion. Wait, what did he want? Something from her pencil case? Her pen? Maybe her book?
There was only one conclusion.
Reaching out her hand, Y/n shakily interlaced her fingers with Hyunjin's in the space between their desks. He froze for a second, hand limp in the air, before his fingers closed around hers.
All of the breath whooshed out of Y/n's lungs, leaving her surprised and breathless. She couldn't think; all she could focus on was the warm, dry feeling of Hyunjin's palm, and his long, slender digits lacing with hers in what felt like the perfect solution to a puzzle. The missing piece.
Hyunjin squeezed her hand softly before letting go. He made the flicking gesture with his fingers again. Y/n was looking at him through her peripheral; all she could see was his hand. He was doing the same.
The realisation hit Y/n like a slap in the face as her eyes locked onto the unfolded note on her desk.
Fuck.
He wanted the note.
Feeling her cheeks flush with embarrassment, Y/n quickly withdrew her hand, taking the note from her desk with fumbling fingers and shoving it into his hand. Her heart sank.
You idiot.
She'd just held his hand. Hwang Hyunjin, the star basketballer, the school's it boy with his perfect charm and stupidly handsome face.
Wait, handsome?
Unable to stand being within a metre of him any longer, and feeling increasingly confused about her sudden change in attitude towards her friend, Y/n raised her hand, asking some question about the nature of the umpteenth diagram currently being drawn by their teacher on the board.
The action reset her mind a little and she focused intensely on her teacher's reply, trying to block out everything else. And her mind, and her swirling mess of emotions and thoughts, and the strange tingling sensation in her palm where Hyunjin had held it. Her stomach felt all swirly and fuzzy too.
The teacher finished answering Y/n's question and turned to flip through his textbook. Y/n's heart jolted as Hyunjin held out the folded note to her again, not looking at her.
Her heart sunk even further and she braced herself for an insult or a rejection as she took it, making sure not to brush his fingers again.
She unfolded the note again, eyes flicking across the row of numbers he'd scribbled down.
Jisung told me he gave you his number. Thought I'd do the same.
He'd doodled a stupid drawing of some cartoon ferret next to it. Y/n peered at the drawing, noticing how he'd added a little mole under its left eye, just like his real one.
Y/n kept inspecting the drawing, tilting her head to make sense of the doodle. It was sort of cute. She liked it.
She didn't notice the way Hyunjin's cheeks were dusted in pink.
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Y/n made her way down the hallway, eyes fixated on the beams of sunlight spilling into the corridors from the large windows. The sun was always nice at this time of day; all warm and golden. She hoped she'd get home later just before the sun turned to its usual setting; blistering, bright, and glaring.
She didn't feel like going to the library today. Her routine with Hyunjin wasn't definite; sometimes she would sit down at the usual table and he'd already be there, or he'd come in a few moments later, setting down his belongings and scooting his chair a little closer.
Today, he wasn't there.
Y/n was beginning to feel a little braver in not going to the library during all of her breaktimes. It still felt strange to wander around the hallways, hands in her pockets, but it somehow felt more appealing than spending another forty minutes in the dim bookshelf corner by herself, like she used to.
She felt a little guilty for some reason; the library had sort of been her home for most of the year, and now that she wasn't showing up there as often, she worried the place might lose some of its charm.
Pondering this as she passed by the lower levels of the school, her thoughts were sidetracked by the faint sound of thumping basketballs and squeaking shoes.
That's right, she remembered. Hyunjin is practicing today.
Peeking inside, she noticed first the brilliant sunlight streaming in from the high rafter windows, reflecting off the walls and casting a lovely, warm glow across the polished court floor. She noticed Hyunjin's smile emitting the same radiance.
She spotted Jisung and Felix with him too, the three boys the only occupiers of the space. They were tossing a basketball between them. Jisung's tie was undone, his shirt untucked, and so was Hyunjin's. Both boys were missing their sweater vests. Only Felix was wearing his, though it was slipping off his left shoulder as he tossed the basketball back to Jisung.
The boys weaving their way down the court with such precision and fluidity that Y/n could do nothing but watch. She stood, transfixed, hands pressed against the wall, fingers gripping the threshold.
They were amazingly, breathtakingly good.
Y/n watched as Jisung took a shot, but he was too far away to make it. The ball rebounded off the hoop backboard, sailing through the air, and rolling to a stop near the door, right near Y/n's feet.
She peeked through the gap in the double doors before timidly stepping into the gym and picking the ball up. It felt textured and unusually heavy in her hands.
Felix waved a hand at her, grinning ear to ear. Jisung let out a happy shout and Hyunjin smiled.
"Yah, Y/n!" Jisung shouted at her, beaming almost as bright as the sunlight filtering into the gym. "Pass it back!"
Y/n blinked at him, then back down at the ball, feeling awkward and unsure. She tilted her head at him, confused. She glanced at the ball again. Did he want her to throw the ball to him?
"Yeah, come on, throw the ball back!" Felix called kindly, clearly sensing her uncertainness. He held his hands out.
Taking a deep breath, Y/n mustered her strength and tossed the ball back, her wrists flicking out. It was a short throw, much to her embarrassment, and Felix jogged forward, catching the ball effortlessly, seemingly not minding.
"Sorry," she said quietly.
Felix smiled at her kindly. "It's okay. Throwing takes some time to get right. You need conditioning."
Jisung jogged up too. Peeking behind him, Y/n felt a pang of disappointment as she saw Hyunjin walking away, moving to his bag that was shoved up against the far wall next to his friends' bags. Maybe he was upset with her for some reason... or maybe it was because of how she'd mistakenly held his hand during class earlier.
"Did you wanna play?" Jisung asked her eagerly. Felix looked at her expectantly, and Y/n took a step back, not wanting to make herself look stupid in front of these stupidly talented players.
"No, I'm okay-"
"Nope! Come on," Jisung took her upper arm and marched her to the middle of the court. Y/n weakly protested, Felix pushing the ball gently into her hands as Jisung positioned her right before the hoop.
"I don't think you have a choice," Felix whispered to her apologetically before smiling cheekily. "We could do with the teaching practice. It'll be fun."
Y/n sighed as Jisung stood several metres away from her, holding out his hands with a cheeky grin.
"So, you push the ball forward and then flick your wrists out," Felix stood beside her, making gestures with his wrists.
"Like this?" she copied his motion, tossing the ball about half a metre.
Felix nodded. "Yep! Then put some force into it."
Y/n glanced at Jisung before doing as Felix said. The ball flew in a perfect arc and Jisung caught it easily, cheering. Hyunjin watched with an amused smile from the far wall, his arms crossed over his chest. Felix clapped her gently on the back.
"Now you just gotta do that while dribbling. You know how?"
Y/n nodded. Hyunjin had regaled her with training tactics and basketball tricks during their library sessions, so she knew how.
In theory.
Fifteen minutes later, Y/n let the ball fly from her hands, tossing it to Jisung. It made sense now, and the feeling of the basketball's textured material felt natural and familiar under her palms. She liked the thumping sound the ball made as it hit the court, again and again and again.
She felt slightly sweaty, but exhilarated. She understood why the boys always seemed so alive whenever they played. There was something exciting about being on constant alert for the ball, catching it and passing it, and feeling the anticipation hanging in the air as the ball skimmed the hoop before dropping inside with a soft whoosh.
They'd been playing what was called 'two-on-two' for around fifteen minutes. Felix and Hyunjin were on one team, Jisung and Y/n on the other. Felix had proposed they flip a coin to decide the teams, but Jisung had seized her arm as soon as the words had left Felix's mouth with a frenzied, eager shout. That had settled it.
Y/n felt tired and her arms were beginning to ache, but it was the satisfied kind of ache that comes from doing something you enjoy. Grinning at Jisung as he shot a hoop, she moved to sit down, attempting to catch her breath.
She felt so free. Like a bird that had lived its whole life in captivity, the cage door had unlocked and she was allowed to soar through the sky, no limits, no rules. Just her wings airing her up against the current. She wondered if the boys felt the same way.
Felix flopped down next to her, and Y/n panicked briefly. Had Hyunjin told him and Jisung about what happened with the note in class? She subtly pressed a hand to her blazer pocket, where she'd tucked the note inside it. She glanced at Felix, but his eyes were trained on the court, where Hyunjin was currently dribbling down the side, trying to stop Jisung from taking it from him.
"Hey," he panted.
"Hi."
Felix grinned at her, sweaty and gasping. "You're not bad at basketball, you know? Pretty good for a first try."
Y/n flushed at the praise. Coming from someone as talented as Felix, that meant the world. And it felt genuine. She tried convincing herself that maybe he was just saying it to make her feel better about her awful skills but the thoughts wouldn't come, and somehow she refused to believe it. The thought made her smile, a hand coming up out of habit to cover her mouth.
"Thanks."
Felix batted her hand away. "Don't cover your smile."
"W-what?"
"Don't cover your smile," he repeated. "It's nice."
Y/n was sure her face was scarlet by now, but she appreciated his gentle honesty nonetheless. She lowered her hand.
"There you go," Felix grinned. "Just like the sun."
Y/n huffed a little, shy laugh and looked away, feeling suddenly vulnerable. Fortunately, it didn't last long, because she was disturbed by a shout from the court.
Hyunjin was on the floor, Jisung straddling his waist. Both of them had their arms wrapped around the basketball, tussling for ownership amidst accused shouts and loud whines.
Felix slumped back against the wall, rolling his eyes. "This happens every single practice."
Y/n chuckled. "Must get old, huh?"
Felix smiled. "Nah. It's a bit irritating sometimes, for sure, but they're my best friends, so I don't mind that much. And it's funny, to be honest."
Y/n glanced across the court just as the ball slipped from Hyunjin's grip, rolling away. Jisung let out a shout and scrambled for it just as Hyunjin did. There was a brief kerfuffle.
She chuckled. It was funny.
The bell rang.
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*texting unknown number* y/n: hello? y/n: is this hyunjin? unknown number: oh hey! unknown number: i was worried you'd forgotten about me haha y/n: no, i just had tutoring after school so i didn't get time. sorry... y/n: but i have time now unknown number: oh, cool, all good unknown number: hey, so do me a favour y/n: ? unknown number: change my contact number to something really cool and awesome
Y/n chuckled and sat upright on her bed, letting her phone rest on top of the duvet as she thought hard. The sky outside was fading, streaking cotton candy across the clouds and melting into a deep shade of ocean blue to the left.
An idea popped into her head and she picked her phone up, clicking on the contact and editing the name.
*y/n changed 'unknown number' to 'hyunjinnie 🏀'*
y/n: i changed it hyunjinnie 🏀: alright, cool hyunjinnie 🏀 i like it :D y/n: well now you have to change mine so it's even hyunjinnie 🏀: hmmm hyunjinnie 🏀: let's see *hyunjinnie 🏀 changed 'y/n' to 'y/n 🌸💫'* hyunjinnie 🏀: there. how's that? y/n 🌸💫: a flower and a star? hyunjinnie 🏀: yeah, because i saw you doodling flowers in your book earlier during class hyunjinnie 🏀: and you always draw a star next to your name whenever we get worksheets
Y/n blinked at his message. He was right. She was doodling flowers earlier and she did always draw a star next to her name when she received class work. Flushing at his keen observation, she typed out a reply.
y/n 🌸💫: i like it hyunjinnie 🏀: i'm glad hyunjinnie 🏀: aren't i so smart? y/n 🌸💫: whatever makes you feel better hyunjinnie 🏀: ouch, okay hyunjinnie 🏀: fine, i see how it is... i thought you were my FRIEND
Y/n laughed and set her phone aside, momentarily getting up to open the window, since it was getting dark. It had been hot lately, humid and temperate, and Y/n wanted all the cold air she could get, even if that meant letting in some unwelcome insect visitors. Her fan was broken, so she had to make do.
Flopping back down on the bed, she picked up her phone, smiling cheekily.
* y/n 🌸💫 changed 'hyunjinnie 🏀' to 'drama king 🏀'* y/n 🌸💫: there y/n 🌸💫: now it's perfect
On the other side of the line, Hyunjin chuckled and shook his head. He brushed a strand of dark hair from his face and rolled to his side, resting his phone on the pillow and propping it up. He typed out a reply.
drama king 🏀: very creative. speaking of, it was nice having you playing basketball with us at lunchtime y/n 🌸💫: yeah, it was fun y/n 🌸💫: you guys are so unbelievably talented drama king 🏀: you're talented too, i've never seen anyone who can sketch like you can y/n 🌸💫: thanks, hyunjinnie drama king 🏀: maybe you could show me during class drama king 🏀: i mean, i do sit across from you drama king 🏀: so
Hyunjin bit his lip. Would it be weird if he asked her over text? Would she forget by the time she actually walked into class? Why was he so nervous? She was his friend, so why did his heart race faster at the thought of spending so much time next to her? Nothing had happened when they were both alone at the library.
So why did it feel so different?
He let out a soft groan, vying with his rationality.
Fuck it, he thought, eyes fixed on the screen as he typed out a message.
drama king 🏀: did you wanna sit together next class?
He waited anxiously for a response. How long had it been? Two minutes? Two hours? Why wasn't she replying?
Gritting his teeth, he chucked his phone onto the bedside. She'd just denied him and now he felt like an idiot. He went too far and now she might hate him for all eternity. Hyunjin felt somehow winded, like the one time he fell over during a tournament game and one of his opponents stepped on his middle for good measure.
Rolling his eyes at the memory, Hyunjin swung his legs up, pressing a hand to the firm, flat expanse of his stomach. He'd just have to explain himself to her the next day. The thought of having to see her disapproving glare at his clingy offer made him feel surprisingly disconsolate.
He laid back down and tried to occupy his mind, attempting to forget about the blameworthy device resting on the bedside table. Failing miserably, he huffed and swiped a hand across the table, sending his phone skidding under his bed with a thud.
He'd just try and forget about it for the time being.
A distant ting made him shoot bolt upright. His head spun and he pressed a hand to his forehead, hissing, before frantically checking the floor for his phone.
Dropping to his stomach on the floor, he scrabbled around under his bed and tried to reach his phone. His fingers brushed the device and he stretched, grabbing it with a sigh of exertion. Forgetting half his torso was stretched out under the solid wooden bedframe, he made to get up, hitting his head solidly on the wooden slats.
Hyunjin groaned, wincing, and opened his phone, shuffling out from the dark, enclosed space. Climbing onto the bed again, he opened the message bar and swiped into the chat.
y/n 🌸💫: sorry, the wifi's been cutting out here a lot so i couldn't reply straight away y/n 🌸💫: but if you want to sit together during class next time... y/n 🌸💫: sure
Hyunjin collapsed into the pillows with a sigh of relief.
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idkimjustexistingsblog · 3 days ago
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Ok i keep adding this to the post I reblog, but now ima make my own post
Hello I'm idkimjustexsitujng and welcome to my fucking ted talk this contains arcane spoiler,and misspelling, please enjoy
Arcane is beautiful it is bitter it is realistic it highlights what is it to be human, to try and strive for better to get stuck in a cycle and not escape. It cycle through evrything well conveying just what it's doing. The animation is beautiful and amazing and they convey so much with so little. The animator the righter they are all amazing.
I hear they're getting hate from the second season (I have not seen it personally), but all the things they do all the unsaid thing left make arcane even better for me
Finishing the series showed me just how much arcane did to keep it all human. How Victor and Jace talk about it in the final(?) Episode summed it up beautifuly for me. Humans are complex self sabotaging creatures, and theirs so many things and ideas out their And in difrent shows that try and show what makes a human human, and I think arcane unconsciously (or extremely consciously given the hours of detail they put into this beautiful masterpeice) succeeded in that. They showed us that humans are animals who are not just in it for surviving but for ceriousituy, not only do they focused on surviving they foucuse on surviving wellbuilding luceries to make life easier, the look analyzie and take what around them and think what if. They show us just how humans observe the world around and add it themselves how they keep those small thing living. The cycles each and evry chacter live through and repeats ( powder deing twice as I say but it's not just powder it someone loving their family so much they they give life its self for them becuse they beilive in them). How humans can grab the smallest sign a trait that their mom did or freinds did and keep them( lines mom used to put a peace sign on her head and in the first season during jinxes fight with ekko where we see powder doing the same symbol just like her mom.) How evryone has their own idea on the chapters and just like them evryone has their own ideas of us. And they final episode shows that with poeple discussing if jinxed sacrifice was in her character devolment or not.
I don't think jinxes sacrifice was a good thing, though. Personally, I don't like her going into that so soon after she git talked out her own suiced. And i read on a post that jinxes decided to live to honor the sacrifices already made (specifcly by isha) she was given hope one more time. I think she had a plan on getting out. That's my hope at least
I defebitly have more to say but this ramble just off the top of my head and please tell me euat ypu think agree, disagree. random or not. I feel and think so much rn I wanna hear what evryone else has to say.
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jvzebel-x · 6 months ago
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🦋
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chrliekclly · 8 months ago
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canisalbus · 1 year ago
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Vasco and Machete are absolutely adorable, your style is so lovely and you draw the softest beds I’ve ever seen in any art ever
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#thank you!#softest beds is a whole new compliment that's so sweet#let me go off on a weird and personal tangent for a minute#I've always found the concept of sleeping very touching somehow#it's this mandatory resting period literally everyone has to plan their life around no one has the power to avoid sleeping#if you neglect it your mind and body start to break down very quickly#sleep is such a neutral state of being no one is particularly sad or happy or evil or good while they're asleep they're just logged off#sleeping feels nice it's rejuvenating it's one of the few universal pleasures every single person has an access to#and I find it terribly cute how people have different little bedtime rituals#socks on socks off various pillow and blanket arrangements certain sounds that make them sleepy etc#and sleeping next to someone is such an act of trust#it's extremely intimate as is sex doesn't necessarily have to factor into it#getting comfortable and going unconscious with someone at the same place at the same time that just touches my heart#especially if you're invited into their bed which is a very private space a person's own little nest where the world can't reach them#even if you fall asleep in public transport there's this vulnerability to it and for the most part people respect the sanctity of sleep#and tend to leave sleeping people alone at least in my limited experience#I like drawing my characters sleeping because it feels like I'm doing them a favor granting them a little respite#anonymous#answered
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designernishiki · 2 years ago
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for a game with so many comas in it yakuza really doesn’t seem to fully understand how comas work
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ohbo-ohno · 2 months ago
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Kinktober Day 8 - Cockwarming
Ghost x Soap x F!Reader - 1.6k
summary: Ghost keeps you on his lap while he watches a soccer game. (You POV)
cw: dom!ghost, subby soap & reader, cock warming, cunnilingus, overstimulation
“Simon,” you whine, sweat-slick back arching against his front as you strain for any sensation at all. “Please.”
“Hush,” he scolds, tweaking a stiff nipple and taking a swig of his beer. “‘M tryin’ to watch the game.”
You squeeze your eyes shut and try to take a deep breath, only to hiccup through the exhale when the cock impaling you shifts as Ghost spreads his thighs. 
You’ve been here for what feels like hours, but you know it’s only been about forty minutes, the steadily ticking clock at the top of the TV screen tells you just how slowly time passes when Simon holds you on his lap like this. 
Only five more minutes, you tell yourself, hopeful that he’ll fuck you at the halftime break, or at the very least let you have an orgasm. 
You feel more than hear him grunt behind you when you clench your inner walls around his length, your own eyes rolling back in your head at the overwhelming fullness. 
There’s a low whine from only a few feet away, and your eyes are unconsciously drawn over to where Johnny is kneeling beside the coffee table, naked and damp with sweat despite the fact that he’s been holding himself still just as long as you have, only without the cock inside of him.
Simon huffs, hooking his chin over your shoulder and leaning forward enough to see Johnny and – you assume, from the way Johnny shrinks a bit – glare him into further submission. “Quiet,” he stresses, irritated. “You’re distractin’ me.”
“But sir,” Johnny pushes, leaning closer with his hands clenched tight on his knees, knuckles white from pressure. “She looks so pretty, I need her so bad, please–”
Ghost doesn’t bother using his words, only grunts a harsh sound that has Johnny settling back onto his heels, looking properly chastised even as his flushed cock kicks against his stomach. You can’t help but moan as Ghost settles back again, every shift of him inside of you agonizing. 
One large hand rests against your stomach for the next few minutes, the callouses on Simon’s fingertips rough against your hypersensitive skin. He kneads your tummy mindlessly, pushing and pulling as he sips from his beer and grunts disapprovingly at the way his team plays. The repetitive motion calms you just enough that you can get a deep breath in, but nothing can distract you from the throbbing in your clit. 
It feels like another eternity has passed when the players all file off the field, the camera cutting away to commercial as the halftime break starts. You try to temper your enthusiasm as much as you can, but your heart races when you hear the sound of Simon setting his bottle on the coaster. 
“Alright,” he finally says, and it’s all you can do to keep from wriggling on his lap as he shifts to hold you more firmly in place. “Here, pup.”
Johnny practically throws himself forward, knees thudding loudly on the hardwood floor as he shoves himself between Ghost’s thighs, hands resting on your knees where they’re spread by Simon’s. 
Simon is quick to wrap his fingers in Johnny’s mohawk, holding him back from shoving himself face-first into the slick dripping steadily from you, and ignoring the heartbroken whine that ensues. 
“You gonna settle if I let you have a taste of the girl?” He grunts, shaking Johnny just a bit by the hair. You’re mesmerized by the way Johnny’s eyes cross, lashes damp and cheeks flushed as he pants beneath you. “Gonna start behavin’?”
“Yes, yes,” Johnny insists, nodding as much as he can. “Promise, sir, I can be good.”
Ghost snorts and scratches across Soap’s scalp, clearly disbelieving. “You better hope you can, otherwise you’re not gettin’ that pathetic thing between your legs anywhere near the girl until you prove you can behave yourself.”
You can’t tell if Johnny’s moan is heartbroken or horny when you nearly drown him out with your own cry at the cruel words. 
“I’ll be good,” Johnny insists, grip so tight on your knees that you’d worry he’d yank you out of your position if you were being held by anyone but Ghost. “Please, Lt, let me be good?”
“Hmm.” Ghost strokes over your belly and Soap’s hair at the same pace, careful to keep a firm enough grip that Johnny can’t move much more than he’s allowed. “Alright. You have ‘til the game’s back on.”
Before he can even finish his sentence, Johnny’s mouth is pressed against your cunt.
You cry out at the sharp burst of pleasure, at the relief of finally having something touching where you’re most sensitive, only to quickly melt into nothing but mewls and moans as you become overwhelmed. 
Johnny sucks your clit so hard that it’s almost painful, driving you to dig your nails into his scalp as you hold on for dear life. Simon wraps his arm fully around your waist, left hand holding your right hip tightly and his right hand keeping you open for Johnny no matter how much you struggle.
Your gasps are ripped from your chest as Johnny messily licks your cunt, Ghost’s chest rumbling against your back as he’s stroked by Soap’s tongue too. The sheer amount of sensation after so long with nothing almost blinds you, your entire world shrunk down to what can fit inside of you and what can rub against your clit in just the right way.
“Oh my god, oh my god,” you gasp at a particularly rough suck of your clit. If you weren’t so mindless with pleasure you’d worry about just how hard your nails are scratching along his scalp, but the way he moans into your body wipes any hope of worry from your mind. “Johnny!”
“He treatin’ you well?” Ghost rumbles, pressing against your stomach. Any words you’d want to give him are stolen by the way he makes himself feel just that much larger inside of you, your hole so wet that you’re sure there’ll be a stain when you’re finally allowed to stand. 
“Mhm, mhm,” you hum, the only answer you can manage when Soap has taken to seemingly trying to suck the base of Ghost’s cock, only managing to lick around your hole instead. “So good,” you slur. 
“Sounds like it,” Ghost says, his patronizing amusement flying over your head as Johnny gives up on Simon’s cock and returns his full attention to your clit.
Your moans are driven higher and higher as you’re pushed closer to your long-awaited orgasm, your voice cracking as your feet kick helplessly against the couch, held firmly by Ghost. You couldn’t open your eyes if you tried, fingers digging deep gouges into Johnny’s hair and Simon’s forearm as you’re shoved towards your peak at a ruthless pace. 
You practically scream when Johnny just barely presses his teeth to your bundle of nerves, tongue lashing against you and throwing you off the cliff of release you’d been waiting on for so long. 
Ghost moans in sync with you as you milk his cock, squeezing him so tightly that it almost hurts you, hole stinging around his girth despite the juices coating all three of you. He doesn’t come, but the feeling of his cock twitching inside of you as your body does its best to coax cum from his nearly sends you spinning into a second orgasm. 
Johnny’s mouth doesn’t let up, even as your hold on him relaxes and your body goes limp against Simon. He only continues to lick at your clit, then around your pussy and trying to suck your lips into his mouth, licking you with a fervor that feels almost manic. 
“Johnny!” You gasp when he gives you just a momentary break, only to bite your thigh sharply enough that you jerk a few inches off of Ghost’s cock. 
“Down,” Simon snaps, shoving Johnny away from you with enough force to nearly send him sprawling. Johnny catches himself on the couch though, looking up at both of you with tears in his eyes and a cock that looks like it could cut diamond.
You coo a little, hand shaky as you reach out to cup the cheek Simon shoved. Ghost only scoffs over your shoulder, yanking you firmly back down so he’s buried to the hilt inside of you and nearly purring at your yelp. 
“Watch the teeth, mutt,” Ghost scolds as Johnny settles back between your thighs, pressing kisses to your soft skin as an apology. “Unless you want me to muzzle you again.”
“No!” Johnny yelps, wrapping an arm around your thigh and pressing himself as close as possible. “‘M sorry, sir, I didnae mean it, promise. I willnae do it again, swear.”
Ghost makes a low sound in his chest that sounds suspicious, but doesn’t push Johnny away or tell him off again. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” he finally says, pushing a strand of hair back into place on Soap’s forehead. “Game’s not back for another ten minutes, you want to keep having fun with the girl or go back to your corner?”
“Wait–” you try to protest, but your voice is cut off when Johnny latches himself to your clit once again, sucking the oversensitive bundle like you aren’t still shaking from your last orgasm. You squeal at the pleasure-pain, body tense like a bowstring. “Please!”
“There you go,” Ghost purrs, resting his chin on your shoulder and squeezing your hip as your cunt spasms around him. “Attaboy, Johnny.”
Your brain practically melts out of your ears before you can string together enough words to beg for even a five minute break, but you can’t find it in yourself to be upset as Johnny practically catapults you towards another orgasm. 
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maythedreadwolftakeyou · 15 days ago
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Ranking the Veilguard companions Hookup Potential based on the kind of bed situation they have going on in the Lighthouse
(im in early act 2 so have no idea what further romance scenes are actually like, this is just jokin time without any romance spoilers. just pics of how their respective rooms in the lighthouse look and some basic characterization we know about them)
Taash: 8/10
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In another game or the real world I would only rate this a 5 because they have no pillows or addition blankets. however they do have a real bedframe AND it's big enough for 2 which means the they are doing better than 90% of the rest of the Veilguard so this score gets boosted. And while there's not many blankets, there are plenty of braziers around the room to keep you warm, and Taash is probably their own miniature furnace to cuddle up to. Crucially, they also have a whole wheel of cheese next to the bed, which means you don't even have to leave the covers to get a snack after.
Lucanis: 1/10
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Oh no. I'm not even going to comment on the pantry angle because everyone else asks him about that to begin with, so this is just about the bed. Unfortunately the bed is a cot made of uneven wooden planks with some blankets on top of it, and is only wide enough for 1. This is because Lucanis hates sleeping and doesn't want to do it, so the less tempting his bed is, the better for him. Unfortunately this means sleepover potential is dreadful and you will have to find alternate solutions. He does at least have another blanket to go over him and one that's presumably being used as a pillow, so, he gets a 1 instead of a 0, but I am still planning on gifting him coupons for a back massage for Satinalia.
Bellara: 4/10
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This setup is perfectly fine for sleeping. It's the lighthouse standard little bed couch thing, has a mattress/cushion, is elevated off the floor, has a pillow, and she's got her blankets folded below. Perfectly serviceable for getting a good night's rest which we know Bellara is not because she forgot to sleep again. However, it's very much a one person sized setup. You might be able to cuddle for a while but if one of you unconsciously tries to roll over you are going right to the floor. Ouch.
Lace Harding: 5/10
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You might be wondring "why is sleeping on the floor rated higher than bellara's" and the answer is because this means you are not rolling off the bed onto the floor. it's not going to be comfy but we are not ranking comfort here we're ranking sleepover potential. Harding has managed to make this space look homey and the canopy gives the illusion of being in a tent or canopy bed to help with that illusion. There are rugs down on the floor plus the blankets and pillows--we know Harding is used to sleeping on the ground due to her career as a scout, and I'm sure she can scrounge up more blankets to make the cushioning big enough for the both of you. Your back WILL hurt in the morning but you'll get to have a fun night first.
Neve: 3/10
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Girl I know you can do better than this. Which means you're not trying to on purpose, so, live your life I guess. I will say this cot IS bounds nicer than Lucanis's--you can see its a stretched canvas or hide on a frame rather than wooden planks, so it will have a little more give. However they are not THAT much comfier which I know having slept on this modern equivalent many times. Neve also apparently has 0 pillows or blankets so you're out of luck there, as well as the problem of it only being wide enough for 1 again. This woman has too many other things going on to think about romance so your Rook is going to be the one improvising on that matter I think.
Davrin: 10/10
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Now here is a man who has his life together. Double or queen size mattress, rustic bed frame he probably lovingly carved and assembled himself by hand, and not only are there sheets AND blankets AND pillows, they are are full on matching set and this knight in shining armor dutifully makes the bed every morning. There's also enough pillows for two! While the remains of a giant corpse is hanging above you all night, the spacing of the ribs still gives you lots of room above to manouver, so just don't worry about that. As a bonus you'll probably even have a baby griffon come to cuddle in the night which is such a cute thought we're going to ignore how much worse getting stepped on by a griffon foot would be than even the biggest fattest housecat trying to stand on your stomach at 4:30am. My one criticism of the setup here is that due to the bed's positioning if the person on the inside needs to get up in the night they'll have to awkwardly crawl over the person on the outside, however everyone else's bed situation is so dismal I'm not even going to subtract a point for that. Great work Davrin.
Emmrich: ???/10
Where... does this man sleep. Peepaw I KNOW you can't be sitting in that armchair all night you need your beauty rest!!! There are 0 beds or cots or floor blankets in this man's room. HOW am I supposed to break his pelvis if he has nowhere for us to lie down??? We can't risk that old man's spine on the cobblestone.
Wait... unless. No, surly not. I mean--jk. Unless...? 😳😳😳
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is daddy necromancer gonna fuck me on the sacrifice slab... 😳😳😳🥵🥵🥵
Bonus:
Solas 11/10
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does not matter where he actually slept bc once my inquisitor Gets Him again they WILL be fucking on top of the piano in front of the mural in his Yearning Room
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incognit0slut · 1 month ago
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Lesson learned
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PART 3 OF KINKTOBER | MAIN MASTERLIST
Unit Chief!Spencer x BAU!Reader Your boss decides to teach you a lesson when you question the motivations behind a certain case.
Content: (18+) 6k, breath play, fingering, a little case description, BDSM discussion, softdom Spence but borderlines to dom because hello this is breath play and reader being judgy judgy but don’t worry he’s here to teach you a lesson or two a/n: The initial plan was to make him a hard dom but breathplay is already overwhelming so I decided to go the educational route. I am, by all means, not as smart as him, so there might be some inaccuracy
You would think that after joining the BAU for two years, you’d start to understand the twisted logic of a criminal’s mind. But you don’t. Not really. You’ve dissected motives, uncovered patterns, and profiled suspects more times than you can count, and yet this case makes no sense. 
Your eyes go over the photographs pinned to the board again. And again. And again. It’s become almost a ritual now, like maybe if you look at it just one more time, the pieces might finally fall into place. But all you find staring back at you are three victims with the same marks on their necks. There was clearly a sign of struggle, but not one of fear. Not one that fits any pattern you know.
“I don’t get it,” you say. “The profile suggests the victims knew their attacker, but this doesn’t look like anything close to rage. Or brutality.”
Spencer shifts beside you, his shoulder brushing lightly against yours as he leans closer to the board. “It might not have been an act of violence,” he observes thoughtfully. “Not in the traditional sense, anyway.”
You furrow your brow. “If it wasn’t violent, then what was it?”
“The bruising pattern is too symmetrical, and there’s no sign of panic or defensive wounds on their hands. I think there’s a chance the victims might have willingly participated.”
“Willingly?” Your eyes snap at him. “What do you mean, ‘willingly participated’? No one willingly gets strangled.”
He meets your eyes for a second before looking back at the board. “I know it sounds unlikely,” he admits, “but not impossible. See how the bruises are evenly spaced? They wrap around in perfect circles. The pressure is distributed just enough to leave a mark but not to crush the windpipe.“
“Spencer, that’s exactly what happened. The windpipe was crushed.”
“Yes, but not immediately. That’s the point.” He turns towards you again. “The intention wasn’t to kill them outright. The unsub wanted to bring them to the point of unconsciousness but not over it. At least, not at first. He was counting on their trust before pushing it too far.”
You let out a huff. “That’s insane.”
“It might seem that way to you, but it’s not unheard of. Sexual asphyxiation is a consensual act for some people. The lack of oxygen when someone’s airflow is restricted can trigger a euphoric sensation which intensifies pleasure."
You stare at him like he’s just spoken a different language. “So, you're saying they get off on... not breathing?”
“More like they find excitement in giving up that control."
You cross your arms and study him, tilting your head with a skeptical frown. “How do you even know this?”
The corner of his mouth twitches in a half-smile. “I read,” he says simply, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“You have a book on sexual asphyxiation?”
“It’s more comprehensive than that. The book covers a wide range of kinks, fetishes, and other forms of sexual exploration which are considered extreme by societal standards.”
"You’re telling me you read up on BDSM practices in your spare time?”
"I think of it as research,” he replies. “It’s part of understanding human behavior. You can’t afford to be ignorant about the complexities of people's desires."
"Huh." Your eyes travel back to the images again. "You know, I still don't understand. I mean, willingly letting someone cut off your breath? That’s not just trust that’s… I don’t know, crazy?”
His eyes narrow towards you as if he's carefully considering how much to say.
“It's not crazy,” he insists carefully. “For people who engage in it, it’s not only about losing control. It’s about reaching a heightened state of awareness, finding excitement in walking that line.”
"But what if that line gets crossed? What then? How could anyone think that sounds… fun?”
“Well, have you ever tried it?”
“Of course not!” you reply quickly, almost laughing at the absurdity. “Why would I?”
“Then you wouldn’t know,” he counters, his tone calm but pointed, like he’s presenting a fact rather than an opinion. “You can’t really understand the mindset until you’ve experienced it. It’s not something you can fully grasp from the outside.”
"I don’t think I could ever trust someone enough to do that to me."
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right person to trust.”
You scoff. “What? Are you offering?”
You laugh at your own joke, and you expected him to do the same. Or perhaps a quick “Of course not”, even some rambling about how he didn’t mean it that way. But when all you’re met with is silence, your laughter dies down, and your eyes dart back to him.
Spencer’s not looking at you, his eyes are fixed on the photographs pinned to the board. He’s studying the bruises, the faces, the details like he always does, but there’s a stillness in his expression, a tension in the set of his jaw that makes you think he’s considering something else entirely. And for a moment, you’re not sure if he’s really thinking about the victims or the case at all.
Maybe you shouldn’t joke about things like that. He is your boss, after all, and even though there isn’t exactly a strict superior-subordinate dynamic between the two of you—he’s always been more of a peer than an authority figure—you wonder if maybe this time you crossed a line.
Spencer’s eyes remain on the photos for a long, agonizing second, and you think maybe he’s not going to respond at all. But then, slowly, he turns his head and looks at you, and the room suddenly feels impossibly small.
“If I were to offer,” he says quietly, “Would you take it?”
His words knock the breath from your lungs, and all you can do is stare back at him. You don’t know what to make of the question. Was it a dare? A test? Or perhaps something more?
There’s a part of you that wants to laugh it off. The conversation was absurd to begin with, so brushing it away like it’s nothing would feel like the safest option. The easy way out. But there’s another part—one you don’t want to acknowledge—that can’t help but wonder what it would mean to say yes.
What if you did? you ponder.
What would it feel like to trust someone like that?
What would it feel like to trust him?
But before you can reply, the door to the meeting room creaks open, the noise echoing through the dimly lit space of the police precinct. A uniformed officer pokes his head inside.
“Dr. Reid, we found a new lead on the vehicle.”
Spencer’s eyes stay locked on yours for just a beat longer as your heart hammers in your chest. Then, without a word, he nods to the officer, and any trace of whatever passed between you dissolves like it never happened at all.
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The next few days turn into a blur. The lead on the unsub’s vehicle takes you across town, a chase that ends with the suspect cornered in an abandoned old house. It’s almost anticlimactic how quickly it all happens—sirens blaring, doors kicked in, and in less than an hour, the unsub is in handcuffs. The case is finally closed, and it’s the kind of victory that usually brings a sigh of relief.
But today, you can’t find that peace.
Back at the precinct, the rest of the team has already moved on to debriefing. You’re left cleaning up the mess of photographs and notes scattered across the table. But your movements are slow, distracted, your fingers fumbling over the papers. There’s a prickling awareness that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, and you know exactly why.
It’s because Spencer is watching you. You don’t even need to look to feel the weight of his gaze. He’s leaning casually against the doorframe, hands tucked in his pockets, but there’s nothing casual about the way his eyes track your movements.
You pause, photos in hand, and finally address him. “What?”
He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he pushes off the wall and starts walking toward you. He stops just short of arm’s length.
“Have you thought about what we discussed the other day?”
You feel a rush of embarrassment, and the awkwardness of the moment makes you shift uncomfortably. Clearing your throat, you turn your attention back to the table, hastily grabbing a stack of photographs and shuffling them into a folder.
“We didn’t discuss anything,” you mumble, avoiding his gaze. “It was just a joke.”
“Was it? You don’t joke about things like that unless you’ve thought about them at least a little.”
You let out a dry laugh, keeping your eyes firmly on the table. “I wasn’t being serious. We were in the middle of a case, and we were all exhausted. I just said whatever came to mind.”
Spencer tilts his head, the way he does when he’s analyzing something, his eyes flickering over your face as though he’s cataloging every twitch of your expression.
“Maybe,” he concedes, and takes another step forward. “But the offer wasn’t a joke, and you didn’t say no.”
Your fingers freeze over the photographs, the papers crinkling under your touch.
“I didn’t say yes either.”
You mentally wince at how weak that sounds, almost as if you’re trying to convince yourself. You slowly look up at him, searching his face for any sign of hesitation, but all you find are those intense brown eyes staring back at you.
It unnerves you how calm he is, how easily he’s holding this conversation when your mind is spinning in a million directions.
“You do realize what you’re offering?” you start to press, feeling the need to put it out in the open. “What this means?”
Spencer doesn’t flinch, doesn’t break eye contact for a second. “I do.”
“Do you? Because it seems to me like you might be taking this too lightly."
“I’m not taking it lightly. I’m acknowledging that there’s more to it than what you’re seeing on the surface.”
“And what makes you think I want to see beyond the surface?”
He leans in closer. Close enough to feel the warmth of his breath, but not enough to cross any boundaries. “I’m offering a perspective, not forcing you to accept it. Understanding doesn’t always come from reading about something. It comes from experience.”
You can’t quite decide if his words make sense or if they’re completely absurd. It’s like he’s challenging your logic, your assumptions, but at the same time, there’s a strange clarity to what he’s saying.
“Why does it matter so much to you?”
Because he’s your boss? Because someone in his position always tries to make sense of everything for everyone else?
“Because shaming people for their interests, for something they might find pleasure in… it isn’t fair, and it isn’t right.”
Now that was something you didn’t expect him to say.
“I wasn’t shaming,” you protest quickly, the words coming out defensive even to your own ears. “I was just…”
“Curious,” he finishes for you. “And curiosity isn’t a flaw. Neither is wanting to understand, and if you’re willing to explore that curiosity, then I’d rather you experience it in a way that’s safe. That you know is controlled.”
“So what?” you snap back. “You want to prove me wrong? Show me I’ve been looking at this the wrong way?”
A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, but it’s not playful. It’s gentle, almost thoughtful, as if he’s carefully weighing each word. “No,” he says softly. “I don’t want to prove you wrong. I want to teach you.”
You blink at him. You open your mouth, but nothing comes out at first, the words tangled somewhere between shock and disbelief. It takes a few seconds until you manage to find your voice.
“You… want to teach me?”
“A lesson, if you will,” he explains, and the way he says it—so calm, so certain—makes your heart stutter. “Not to prove you wrong, but to help you understand. You have your perceptions about… control and trust. I think the only way to really understand is to experience it yourself.”
You don’t know what to say, what to do, and all that comes out is a shaky, barely-there laugh.
“A lesson,” you repeat, trying to make sense of the concept.
He nods, and there’s no pressure in his voice, just an offer. Simple and clear. “But only if it’s what you want.”
You aren’t sure what to feel, much less what to say, and the uncertainty must show on your face. Sensing your hesitation, Spencer takes a step back, giving you space.
“It’s a lot to consider, and I’m not expecting an answer now. But the offer still stands… whenever you’re ready.”
And with that, he gives you one last smile and turns away, leaving you alone with your conflicted thoughts.
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You’re pacing in your hotel room, your footsteps muffled by the worn carpet as you make the same path back and forth over and over again. Every time you try to sit down, your leg bounces with restless energy, so you’re back up again, moving without purpose but unable to stop.
You tell yourself it’s just stress. The case, the pressure, the weirdness of being in a small-town motel with creaky walls and awful lighting. But you know better. You know exactly what’s got your mind spinning and your stomach doing flips.
Spencer. And his damn offer.
You scoff to yourself, trying to laugh it off like you always do, but the joke doesn’t land when it’s just you, alone with your thoughts. And, really, what’s the harm in admitting the truth—to yourself, at least? That maybe the whole concept doesn’t seem as insane as it did a few days ago. That maybe you’ve found yourself wondering what it would feel like to trust someone that much.
You stop pacing, staring at your reflection in the mirror across the room. There it is, that nagging curiosity, that flicker of intrigue that Spencer saw before you even knew it was there. You let out a sigh, the weight of the realization hitting you.
God help you, but you’re actually curious.
And that might just be the scariest part of all.
You slip into your shoes and take a deep breath before stepping into the hallway. The motel’s quiet, most of the rooms dark as you walk past, and for a moment you hesitate, wondering if this is a mistake. The team’s staying one more night here, the last bit of downtime before flying back tomorrow. A chance to decompress, to shake off the adrenaline of the case. Yet here you are, anything but relaxed, heading out because you can’t stand one more second of pacing back and forth.
Your footsteps come to a stop outside Spencer’s room, and you stare at the numbers on the plaque for a moment. You could turn around right now. You could pretend you didn’t walk all the way down the corridor with his words echoing in your head. But as much as you try to convince yourself that walking away is the logical choice, your hand moves on its own, and you knock.
Spencer doesn’t look surprised when he opens the door. Without waiting for an invitation, you push past him, barging into the room before you change your mind.
“If we’re going to do this, I have some ground rules,” you blurt out, the words rushing out all at once. “I don’t know what you think this is going to be like, but I need control over some things. Non-negotiable.”
He closes the door with a soft click. “Of course,” he responds calmly. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“First,” you say, spinning around to face him. “I’m in control of when this starts and when it stops. If I say no, then we stop. Immediately. No questions, no convincing, none of that.”
“Absolutely.”
“Second, I need to know exactly what we’re doing. No surprises. You explain everything to me before we do anything.”
He quickly nods.
“And third… this doesn’t leave this room. We don’t talk about it to anyone else. Not tomorrow, not next week, not ever.”
He takes a step forward towards you. “This stays between us.”
You let out a shaky breath, the adrenaline settling into a nervous, thrumming pulse beneath your skin. “Okay,” you mumble, more to yourself than to him, trying to process the reality of what you’ve just laid out. “Those are my rules.”
Spencer takes another step forward, close enough now that you can smell the faintest trace of him. A mix of something clean and warm, like soap and worn cotton, an understated scent that’s distinctly him.
“Then those are the rules we follow,” he reassures you. “Your terms. Your pace.”
“Thank you.”
He nods his head again. “Is there anything else you want to discuss?”
There is, actually. There’s a question that’s been hovering in the back of your mind. It feels awkward to say out loud, but the uncertainty gnaws at you, and finally, you force the words out.
“Are we… are we going to have sex?”
He holds your gaze. “Do you want to have sex?”
You go quiet again, letting the silence settle around you as you think about what you want, what you came here for. You slowly shake your head. “No,” you reply. “No, I don’t.”
“Then we won’t. There’s more to explore in this than just sex.”
“Right, that’s—good.” You clear your throat. “I have… one more question.”
He gestures for you to continue.
“You’re not going to fire me for this, are you?”
His soft chuckle fills your ear, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him genuinely smile tonight. “No,” he confirms, amusement flickering in his eyes. “I’m not going to fire you. Whatever happens between us won’t affect your work, I promise.”
You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, feeling a little of the weight lift off your shoulders.
“Okay, so… now what?”
“Now,” he says gently, “We take it slow.“
He guides you toward the edge of the bed, and you find yourself moving automatically, sitting down on the mattress. The bed creaks slightly as he settles beside you.
“If we’re going to do this,” he starts, turning slightly to face you. “I want you to be comfortable. And that means talking. You can start by telling me what you’re thinking. ”
“That’s… it? We’re just going to talk?”
Spencer’s mouth lifts into a soft smile. “Yes,” he confirms, “If that’s what you want. There’s no pressure to do anything else.”
The idea of just talking feels safe, but there’s also a flicker of curiosity that you can’t quite shake. You shift on the bed.
“What if I want to do something more?”
Spencer’s eyes search yours, and he doesn’t move closer, doesn’t do anything that could make the moment feel rushed. “If you want to, then we can. Something simple to start.”
Your fingers trace the fabric of the bedspread. “Like what?”
“Something small. It could be as simple as letting me guide your breathing. A way to practice trust without anything overwhelming.”
You swallow, the idea feeling both intimidating and oddly… reassuring. There’s comfort in the way he talks about it, the lack of pressure, and the way he makes it feel like there’s nothing to fear.
“Okay,” you agree softly. “Let’s try that.”
He moves a little closer to you. “We’ll take it slow,” he promises. “Try to focus on your breathing and follow my lead.”
You close your eyes, feeling your breath shallow and quick, your heart racing as you try to find a steady rhythm.
“Take a deep breath,” he instructs softly. You inhale deeply, feeling the air fill your lungs, and when you open your eyes for a moment, you find his face inches from yours.
“Good. Now let it out… slowly.”
You follow his lead, exhaling, and you can’t help but notice he’s mirroring your breathing—his chest rising and falling in time with yours. It’s oddly comforting, and a little unnerving, like he's syncing with the rhythm of your pulse.
“Again,” he guides. “Deep breath in… hold for a count of three… then let it go.”
You do as he says, feeling your nerves steady slightly with each breath. In, hold, out.
“You’re doing really well,” he murmurs, leaning just a fraction closer. His lips are so close that you can feel his breath brushing your skin. “I’m going to ask you something, but I need you to know you can say no. At any point.”
You nod, not trusting yourself to speak.
“Can I touch you?” he asks gently, his words so soft they almost melt into the air around you. “Just on your shoulder, or your hand. I want to see how you feel about being touched while you focus on your breathing.”
Your heartbeat thuds in your ears, but you manage another nod. His hand moves carefully to rest on your shoulder, but even with the light pressure, you feel your body stiffen. Spencer notices immediately.
“You’re tense,” he observes, his thumb brushing lightly against your shoulder.
You let out a small laugh, one that comes out more like a nervous exhale than anything close to amusement. “It’s kind of hard not to be,” you admit. “I guess I’m a little nervous.”
“That’s okay. It’s completely normal to feel nervous.” He pauses for a second before continuing, his tone thoughtful, like he’s considering what might actually help. "There are a few things that can help when you’re feeling this way. One of them is focusing on your breathing, which we’re already doing. But there’s also physical touch."
"Physical touch?”
"Kissing, for example," he explains, “can actually help regulate your nervous system. It releases oxytocin, lowers cortisol levels. Basically, it signals your body to relax."
Your eyes fall on his lips. "Really?"
A flicker of a smile plays at the corners of his mouth. “Yes, but it’s only helpful if it’s something you feel comfortable with.” He tilts his head slightly, studying you. “Would you like to try?”
You meet his gaze again and, before you can overthink it, find yourself nodding, swallowing the nervous lump in your throat. “Yeah… okay. We can try.”
Before you even finish the sentence, Spencer leans in, his lips brushing yours with the kind of gentleness that catches you off guard. It's soft at first, like he’s testing the waters, and you can feel the slight hesitation in his movements as if he’s making sure you’re comfortable. It’s sweet, almost too sweet, and for a second, you wonder if this is how he kisses—gentle, thoughtful, deliberate.
But as the kiss deepens, you feel the warmth of him pulling you in. Your heart’s doing this erratic thing where it skips every other beat, and your mind’s racing to catch up with what your body’s already starting to enjoy. And sure, maybe the science behind this kiss makes sense after all, because there’s a part of you that’s actually relaxing, even with the buzz of nerves still humming beneath the surface.
Then he pulls back, just enough for your lips to barely part, his breath warm against your skin. “How are you feeling?”
It takes three heartbeats to find your voice. “Uh... yeah, good,” you manage, a little breathless, a little more flustered than you’d like to admit.
“Do you want to keep going?”
You pause, thinking it over, and despite the swarm of nerves in your chest, curiosity wins out again. You nod, maybe a little too quickly. The moment you do, Spencer leans in again, and this time his kiss is deeper, more intent. The softness is still there, but there’s a quiet intensity in the way his lips move against yours, the way his hand lightly cups the back of your neck.
Then his tongue brushes lightly against your lower lip, and a ripple of goosebumps spreads across your skin. You part your lips for him, and the sensation of his tongue slipping past m has you gripping the fabric of his shirt a little tighter.
Just when you think you’re getting used to it, his hand shifts, sliding up to wrap gently around the front of your neck. Not tight, not restricting—just enough to make you aware of it. The warmth of his palm against your throat sends a jolt of something sharp right through you. He seems to notice instantly, and without pulling his hand away, he breaks the kiss.
“Are you okay?” His thumb gently strokes the side of your neck. “I don’t want to push you, if it’s too much—”
But before he can finish, you shake your head quickly, surprising even yourself with how fast the words leave your mouth. “No, I… trust you.”
His eyes soften at your words, and his grip on your neck stays gentle, almost protective. “Would it be okay if I touched you more?”
Your pulse beats rapidly beneath his fingers, a rhythm you’re sure he can feel, as if your heart is answering for you. “…yes.”
“Do you want to lie down? Would that be more comfortable?”
You feel the heat travel along your veins. “I think… that would be good.”
Spencer nods as he helps you shift back onto the pillow. He stays close but doesn’t crowd you, his hand returning to rest lightly on your neck, that same soft pressure that keeps your heartbeat thrumming in your ears.
“Remember, focus on your breathing,” he reminds you. “The way your body responds is tied to how much you let yourself feel. Trust that.”
His other hand begins to move. His hand trails up toward your shoulder, then lightly brushes over your breast. It’s barely a touch at first, like he’s testing the boundaries, waiting for your body to tell him how far to go. Your breath catches for a second, but when you don’t tense up, he takes that as a sign to continue.
“Is this alright?”
“Yeah,” you manage to whisper, your voice a little breathless than you expected. And, God, you mean it. It’s more than okay—it’s… unexpectedly good in a way that feels almost too intimate to think about.
His hand moves lower now, tracing a path down your side, before sliding gently across your leg. You don’t even realize you’re holding your breath until you feel his fingers brush against the inside of your thigh.
“How about this?”
You nod, biting your lip as you meet his gaze.
Spencer’s lips curls into the faintest smile. His hand inches higher, moving up your thigh with excruciating slowness until his fingers finally reach the heat between your legs.
Oh. Oh.
Your hips instinctively tilt toward him, your body responding before your mind can even catch up. The heat pooling low in your belly intensifies as his fingers press lightly against you.
“Still with me?”
You nod, but internally, your mind is spinning. He begins to move in slow, circular motions, his fingers dragging against the fabric in a way that makes you bite back a moan. The friction sends jolts of pleasure through you, and you can feel your arousal sticking uncomfortably to your panties. It doesn’t shock you—you know understand how being touched like this will make you wet—but what surprises you is how much more intense it feels when his grip around your neck tightens.
Your breath hitches, and before you can stop yourself, a moan escapes your lips.
He pauses for a moment, his grip relaxing just enough for you to catch your breath. “I want you to feel the difference,” he explains. “The pressure changes everything. It makes you more aware of every sensation, more focused on how your body responds. But if it’s too much, you tell me, okay?”
You nod, your breath still coming in uneven gasps. “I’m good.”
His thumb traces the outline of your jaw. “Do you want me to continue?”
“…yeah.”
His hand travels towards your hips, fingers toying with the waistband of your pants. “Should we get rid of these?”
You don’t have to think about it for long. The answer is already there.
“You can take them off.”
Spencer’s fingers slip beneath the waistband of your pants before tugging it down. But as the fabric pools around your ankles, you hesitate for a second before your hand instinctively reaches for your shirt. You fumble with the hem, glancing at him as you pull it halfway up, your breath coming out in a small, awkward laugh.
“I mean, it’d feel weird to be naked from the waist down and still… you know, fully dressed on top.”
His eyes linger on you, and his reaction is subtly amusing. “Whatever makes you comfortable.”
Without thinking too much about it, you tug the shirt over your head, tossing it aside. Your bra follows, quickly joined by your panties, and before you know it, you’re lying naked on your boss’s bed.
Or, technically, the bed he’s been sleeping on these past couple of days.
Spencer’s eyes move over you slowly, lingering on the curve of your perky breasts, your smooth skin, and the unmistakable wetness between your thighs. His gaze is careful, appreciative but never lingering too long in one place, like he’s taking you in while still giving you space to breathe.
“You’re so pretty.”
Pretty? The word feels almost quaint given the situation, but the way he says it makes it feel like it’s more than that. Like he’s seeing all of you, the parts you don’t often reveal, and he still thinks you’re beautiful.
And somehow, that simple compliment leaves you more exposed than the fact that you’re lying naked in front of him.
“I can’t believe we're doing this,” you admit, the words slipping out before you can stop them.
His hand brushes along your arm. “You don’t have to overthink it. You’re in control here. We can stop whenever you want.”
“I know.”
He tilts your head with his hand. “Is this okay so far?”
You offer him a smile. “It’s okay.”
His other hand lands on your knee. “Can you spread your legs for me?”
You feel the nerves buzzing beneath your skin, but there’s also a warmth, a curiosity, a pull toward him. You inhale deeply, letting the breath steady your nerves, and then, without letting your mind spiral any further, you slowly part your legs.
His palm glides along your inner thigh, and then he touches you again, only this time, there’s no barrier between you. You can feel the rough pad of his fingertips as they gently caress your folds that it pulls a sharp breath from your lips.
“Does this feel good?”
You nod. It’s more than just good—it’s everything. The way he’s paying attention to every inch of your body is overwhelming in the best way. His fingers trace a slow path along your skin, finally pausing as they brush against you between your folds. Without hesitation, Spencer slides a finger inside you. The sudden stretch pulls a gasp from your lips.
The slick wetness between your thighs coats his fingers almost instantly, and you feel yourself responding to him, opening up in ways you didn’t even know you could. He studies the way his finger moves in and out of your cunt, and the more he touches you, the more your hips begin to move on their own.
He takes your response as a sign to continue.
"I'm going to wrap my hand around your neck again," he tells you, without waiting for more than a slight nod of your head, his fingers curl around your throat.
"The pressure here," he begins, his thumb lightly pressing at the side of your neck. "Isn't just about cutting off your air, it also means restricting blood flow to your brain.”
He pushes another finger inside you, and the increased fullness draws a sharp intake of breath from you.
“By limiting the blood flow like this,” he continues, applying a bit more pressure around your throat. "It triggers your body to release adrenaline and dopamine. That rush you’re feeling? It’s your body chasing euphoria."
Euphoria. You never really thought about it like this before, how something so controlled could unlock a part of your body that felt so overwhelming. The feeling isn’t just pleasure, it’s a raw intensity that borders on something deeper as your cunt clenches around him. Your breath stutters, caught in a sharp contrast between the slow burn in your throat and the urgent heat flaring between your legs.
He’s unraveling you, pulling you apart thread by thread, yet leaving you desperate for the moment he puts you back together again.
You need more.
“You’re doing so well,” he murmurs soothingly. The words send a new wave of heat rushing through your body. Your hips move restlessly, and you can hear the soft whine escaping your throat, growing louder with each thrust.
Spencer notices immediately, his fingers slowing just for a moment. “Too much?”
You quickly shake your head, almost frantic, the last thing you want is for him to stop. The moment you do, his grip on your throat tightens slightly and your eyes flutter closed as a wave of euphoria washes over you. Head falling back against the pillows, your vision starts to blur. You feel the air restrict in your throat.
“I need you to breathe for me, sweetheart.” His thumb strokes lightly against your neck. “The more you control your breathing, the better it’ll feel.”
That word alone almost undoes you. It rolls off his tongue like it’s meant to be soft and soothing, but instead, it sends a bolt of pleasure straight through you. Your chest rises and falls as you do exactly what he says, because apparently, being called sweetheart with his fingers wrapped around your neck makes you want to obey him, more than you’d care to admit.
"That’s it, keep focusing on your breathing."
You force your eyes open, but everything feels hazy, unfocused. You’re not sure if it's from the lack of air or the way he’s looking at you, but you can feel yourself losing control. Your eyes flutter half-closed again, lips parting in a breathless moan, and before you realize it, your tongue slips out, barely grazing your lower lip.
Spencer knows you’re close. His thumb presses just a little harder against your throat, not enough to stop you from breathing, but enough for your inner walls to grip his fingers tightly.
“I know, I know, I've got you,” he whispers. “You’re doing so good, sweetheart. Just let go whenever you’re ready."
You can’t decide if the sound of his voice is making it easier or harder to hold on. There’s a brief moment where you think you might hold it together, but then your body betrays you. Your muscles tense, your breath catches in your throat, and all the control you had slips away in an instant. It’s as if your brain is giving in to exactly what he said it would—a surge of chemicals that makes your limbs feel heavy and light all at once.
Your orgasm slams right into you, the most intense thing you’ve ever felt. It floods your senses so completely that your lungs struggle to catch up. The tremors rack your body, and it’s only when your legs give a final, uncontrollable shake that he finally releases your neck, allowing the air to rush back into your lungs in a dizzying, breathless moment of relief.
Before you can fully recover, his lips are on yours in an instant. He moves against your neck, kissing the very spot where his hand had held you. “Shhh, it’s okay, you’re okay.”
When you manage to catch your breath and blink through the lingering haze, he lies down on the bed and pulls you into his arms. It takes a whole minute before your breathing fully steadies, his hand stroking your hair the entire time.
“How are you feeling?”
You don’t know what to make of it all, so you laugh breathlessly instead, the only response you can muster.
“Like I’m about to pass out.”
“What?” He looks at you in alarm. “You are?”
You shake your head quickly, offering him a small smile. “No, no, I’m fine. It’s just… it was really intense.” But the worry doesn’t completely leave his face, so you try again, placing your hand on his chest. “Good intense. I’m okay, I promise.”
He lets out a slow breath and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “So I take it you liked it?”
A flush of embarrassment washes over you, and you can’t quite meet his eyes as you nod. “Yeah… I did,” you admit, your voice soft, almost sheepish. “Go ahead, you can gloat. Tell me I was wrong.”
Instead of taking the bait, he gently traces his fingers along your neck. “It was never about proving you wrong. The judgment you made that day, about not getting why someone would like this… it’s hard to fully grasp until you feel it yourself.”
“I wasn’t judging,” you murmur, feeling a need to defend yourself.
“Maybe not intentionally,” he says thoughtfully. “When it comes to BDSM, there’s a lot of misunderstanding or assumptions people make from the outside, it’s really more than just control or pain. There’s trust, communication, boundaries. And I think, in a way, that’s what happened tonight. You trusted me enough to let go.”
You’re quiet for a moment, processing what he’s saying. “Are you suggesting I could be into all of this?”
“Not necessarily,” he replies carefully. “But I think it’s possible that there’s more to it than you realize. You trusted me tonight, and that’s the most important part. That’s where it all starts.”
You chew on his words for a second. It’s not something you’d ever considered before, but now that he’s brought it up, you can’t deny that the thought has sparked something.
“So you think I might want to explore this further?”
His lips curl into a soft smile. “It’s not about what I think. It’s about what you want. If you’re curious, then we can explore it together.” He leans in slightly. “Is that you want?”
The spark you felt moments ago? It flickers stronger now. The idea is both thrilling and terrifying, but with him, it feels… possible. Safe, even.
You feel a tightness in your chest.
“I think… maybe, yeah.”
His smile deepens just a fraction. “We’ll take our time,” he reassures you, his thumb brushing lightly over your throat. “We can talk about this when we get back. You need to rest for now.”
You shift closer to him, feeling the rustle of his clothes against your bare skin. “Can I stay here tonight?”
His chin lands on top of your head. “You can stay with me as long as you want.”
What a dangerous offer, you think as you sink further into his arms. But not as dangerous as the way your heart flutters at the thought.
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ozzgin · 19 days ago
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OZZ OMG OMG OMG THAT YANDERE PRISON THING OMG OMG OMG
*jitters with excitement*
I NEED MORE AHHHHH IT TICKLED MY BRAIN THE RIGHT AND WRONG WAY AT THE SAME TIME
Like if you're nice they'll just become your dogs and if you're not nice they'll give you a very rough foursome I'm down for either OMG OMG OMG help I have problems
To quote Markiplier: "I'm not a masochist, this is about power"
*drops dead*
*instantly revives*
Ahem, I saw you mention you might come up with small plots, so I'll do the logical thing to try to inspire you:
- clueless darling ask the leaders about their gangs and whatnot. Like nonchalantly. Because they're too nice darling thought it's no big deal lol
- darling subconsciously avoid blonde man (even tho he is my favourite hahah) after seeing him beat up the guy
- darling got drunk (somehow in a prison) and either gets horny (and try to let it out under the blankets forgetting they got roommates)or innocently touchy hugging all three of them and poking their unique features, sitting in their laps and so on. Or better yet, touches/approaches other inmates in front of the roommates...
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content: gender neutral reader, alcohol consumption, NSFW below the cut!
Inmates are creative. They will always find a way around the rules, and this time it happened to be a rather clumsy attempt at brewing alcohol. Had this been discovered by a guard, whoever concocted the beverage would've landed in detention.
Instead, it was you who found it, innocently assuming someone must've forgotten their water behind. You gulped down the clear liquid, thirsty after you walk, then promptly grimaced at its unexpected bitterness.
Safe to say you're now quite drunk.
That in itself would already be troublesome enough, but another thing is endangering yours and everyone else's peace: you're in a particularly flirty mood.
"What the hell are you doing?"
The officer's smile drops instantly, and he turns towards the deep voice. One of your criminal roommates glares at the sight with hollow eyes. You were clinging to the officer's arm, a dumb grin plastered on your face. The man in uniform quickly shoves you aside, his features pale and drained.
"It wasn't me who started it," he pleads.
You're quickly picked up by your bunkie, who is still staring at the guard. He won't be leaving this prison alive, that's for sure. Now, however, his priorities lie somewhere else.
The hallway spins as you're being carried away, and you shamelessly cling to your ride, feeling and groping the muscles and tracing along his tattooed skin.
"My God, at least wait until we're back to our cell," he groans with flushed cheeks.
The blonde one is trying to play it cool. Come, now, you're obviously out of it. He needs to be mature and tuck you in, or something along the line.
Easier said than done, especially with a raging boner. You're quick to notice it, and you certainly don't hesitate to point it out, making lewd gestures with your hands as some sort of offer.
"Are you sure you won't regret it tomorrow?"
"Hey now, I'm drunk, not unconscious," you bark between hiccups.
He may have interrogated you further, but the thought of your pretty little mouth struggling to take him in is too much to bear. He's essentially drooling by the time he pats his knee for you to come over.
The pierced one drops you on your bed with a flat expression. Annoyance? A closer look at his pursed lips, and one can tell he's really just struggling to maintain his composure.
"Please, I really need to-"
You hold him back by the arm and bat your eyelashes. In return, he clicks his tongue. Is this some sort of test from above? His beloved Darling is essentially begging to be fingered. Yet, he shouldn't be taking advantage of your state. He shouldn't...
Too late. You gasp at his rough fingers making their way in.
"Alright, don't be too loud," he concludes with a faint smirk.
The masked one gently places you on your bed, then plants himself before you with crossed arms.
"Nonsense. You're drunk."
"I mean it", you repeat yourself.
He does his best to look imposing. Truth be told, his knees weakened from the moment "fuck me" slipped out of your mouth. He gladly would, but he has morals. Well, when it comes to you, anyways.
Your pout seems to suggest this would be a long standoff. He sighs, then pushes you back onto the mattress.
"How about this? I'll take care of it," he explains quietly, his cloth hovering above your groin. "I'll be awaiting your offer again once you're sober."
For now, his tongue will have to do.
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[Yandere Prison] | [More Yandere Stories]
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entitled-fangirl · 2 months ago
Text
Too needy.
Cregan Stark x wife!reader
Summary: the reader naturally has to be touching Cregan at all times. He doesn't mind, but her insecurity starts to get the better of her.
Warnings: insecurity, talks of sex
A/n: Based off an ask! I'll proofread later
Masterlist
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He didn't react to her touches as much anymore, for they were constant. 
Winterfell expanded far and wide, and as much as her mind had tried to remember every corridor, she couldn't. 
So she always held on to him to keep from getting lost. 
At least, that was the excuse at first. Now, it was a comfort.
She held his hand, his arm, his cloak, the handle of the sword in his belt, anything that she could when they walked together.
Even now in the courtyard, she held fast to his cloak as he spoke with the stable master on a matter of his horse.
She looked around, her head on a constant swivel but her hand never faltered.
But she began to notice something.
A few that passed by had looked down at the hand that was still at Cregan's cloak and an insecurity was being prodded at.
She had noticed it for weeks now.
Perhaps they believed her to be too needy.
Perhaps they were right. 
The insecurity began to eat at her.
"Well, I thank you for your work regardless," Cregan continued to speak to the stable master, "My horse has never been more reliable. Do tell me what you believe abo-"
She zoned out from there. She was far too engrossed in noticing every little stare that came her way.
She dropped her hand from his cloak and let it fall to her side.
Cregan looked away from the man for only a moment to gaze at her. He looked down at her hand and immediately reached out and grabbed it. He then gave his attention back to the man as if nothing had happened. "Oh, I agree that when-"
She just stared down at their intertwined hands. 
She tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach when he'd lightly squeeze her fingers with his own.
The next day, the insecurity came again when at the petitions.
Cregan never sat behind the table as the maester did. He was always in front of it, pacing back and forth or sitting on the wooden surface itself.
Whether it was to be more inviting or more intimidating, no one was sure.
So when she joined him occasionally, he'd set her onto the table. She always figured he did it to comfort her, knowing she hated to be more than two steps away from him.
And when she'd sit there with her feet dangling inches from the ground, Cregan would stay put, not letting himself pace. He'd lean against the hardy table with his big arms crossed and brow furrowed as he paid attention to whatever the next person said. 
He cared greatly for his people, and he cared greatly for his wife.
So often during these times, her hand would be on his arm, or his hand on her leg. It was a pattern they had developed over their time together.
But today was different, for the insecurity was back.
His bicep brushed against her shoulder unconsciously as his body unknowingly inched closer to her by the minute.
"I've gotta herd to care fer," the man petitioned. "And these wolves keep takin' my flock. There's been at least six of em out there snapping at my shepherds."
Cregan hummed in consideration. "Aye, your flock helps to feed Winterfell through the winter often. Tell me what solution you've come here hoping for."
The man rubbed his beard, "Well, I was hoping fer some men to help me hunt the beasts down."
Cregan chewed the inside of his cheek in thought as his shoulder brushed against his wife again.
He turned his head to her, letting his eyes rake over her as they often did. An idea came into his head.
"Alright," he agreed as he looked to the man again. "You'll have 12 men for 9 nights to sort the matter over. I'll pay for their lodging and food."
The man's eyes widened, "Oh, thank you milord. Bless you!"
"But," Cregan quickly countered with a tilted head. "I receive the coat of every wolf dead in those 9 nights."
"Consider it done, milord! Oh, thank you!"
Cregan held a hand up, "'Tis my duties. They'll be yours by the morrow."
The man left with a continued string of thanks as he left. 
"What need have we for more pelts?" She asked quietly.
Cregan's head turned to her and a small smirk pulled at his lips. "You've far too few proper cloaks."
She opened her mouth to make a small petition of her own, but the next person stepped up.
It was an older man with a permanent furrow to his brow. 
She didn't miss the way his eyes wandered over to her, utterly disgusted by the informality of Cregan's petitions.
Cregan noticed it too, and he reached over and rested his hand on her knee. He touch was light. Just a reminder that he stood next to her.
"What might the Starks do for you?" Cregan's voice echoed as he studied him.
The man's request was lost. All she could think about was Cregan's hand on her knee. 
In all truth, she had missed his touch more than she believed she should have. After all, she got it constantly. But as of the last 24 hours, she had tried to draw back from his contact.
So when his thumb brushed softly over the side of her knee, she felt a shiver run down her spine. 
She held her hands back by picking at the skin around her nails. It was a nasty habit she had picked up when she was younger. It often made comebacks when she was nervous or stressed.
Without even looking, Cregan's hand moved from her knee to grab at her hands, breaking them up to keep her from further hurting herself. How he knew without looking, she was unsure. 
But he took one of her hands and pulled it to her knee, placing it down and keeping it there with his much larger palm over the top of it. His fingers played with hers absentmindedly as he negotiated with the man about gods know what.
That nagging feeling returned in her gut as she watched his fingers brush over hers. 
She was so needy that he felt forced to comfort her in the midst of his duties. 
How pathetic.
She managed to pull her hand out from under his despite his quick reaction to try to stop her. However, he didn't grab her hand in time and he knew better than to cause a scene over it. So he pretended not to notice.
When the man was satisfied and left, she began to push herself to the edge of the table to get up. 
Cregan stood in front of her with a hand up, "Where are you going?"
"Just… to sit."
His head tilted down to catch her gaze. "To sit…? Where?"
"The…" she turned to look over her shoulder to the other side of the table. "The chairs."
His eyes squinted at her as he tried to comprehend what she had just told him, as if it was some unthinkable idea that had just been uttered. "Why would you do that?" He finally voiced. His eyes softened, "Do you need a break? We can pause for a while-"
"-No," she quickly interrupted. Her hands reached up to  move to his chest as they usually did, but she stopped halfway and let them drop back down to her lap.
It was beginning to frustrate Cregan. He was no dull man by any means. He had noticed her touches lessening, but he didn't question it at first until she began to retract from him.
"If you need no break then you'll stay here until we are finished," he softly commanded. 
She gave in almost immediately with the nod of her head.
He nodded as well, wishing to seem pleased, but further down he was trying to figure out what had caused her to be so odd as of late. He sighed and gripped her waist, pushing her back up to the table as before. He then turned and motioned for the next person to approach.
Cregan tried to pay attention this time, he really did, but it was harder to now that he had two problems to try to fix at once. And one them was far more important to him. 
He nodded along with the man for a while then tried to test his luck again, reaching over to place his hand on her knee again. But this time, his hand fell to the wood.
He looked over when he felt the coarse wood as began to stare dumbfounded at his hand.
His wife had slowly moved herself from him by about 10 centimeters.
His hand balled up into a fist for a moment before he forced to it relax. He held his other hand up and completely cut off the man speaking. "Forgive me. We're done for a moment. I require some time to collect my thoughts here."
The man jaw went slack for a moment and the maester spoke up. "Lord Stark, it's unwise to pause in the middle of-"
Cregan's glare shut him up.
"Now," Cregan said as he stood to full height. "I shall return momentarily." He stepped over to his wife, "Get up."
His voice held unresolved tension to it and it made her panic. Her shaky hands pushed her to the end of the table and onto her feet. 
Cregan's hand reached out to grab hers then paused, remembering why they were having this miscommunication in the first place and it only frustrated him more when he pulled his hand back. "Go on," he motioned to the door and quickly followed behind her. 
Just hearing the northern man's heavy footsteps close behind them would make even the bravest man falter. 
The moment the side door closed behind them, he grabbed her bicep and spun her around to him. "What are you doing?" He growled.
She couldn't make words come from her mouth, so she only shrugged a bit and gave a pitiful expression.
"Don't. You will speak to me and tell me what has caused all of this. Whatever this is," he huffed. "I don't know what it is, but I know that I hate it."
Her voice came out more broken than she intended, "I didn't mean to anger you."
Her words cause Cregan to release her bicep and take a step back from her. He runs a hand over his goatee. He tried to hide the anger from his voice this time, "I imagine you didn't. However, in no instance should you believe that pulling away from me wouldn't make me frustrated. I like having you near me. Have I not said that enough?"
"You have-"
"-You don't want my hands on you," he finished with a horrified look brewing in his eyes. "That is… fair. That is all we must say then."
"No, no, please don't!" She pleased.
He threw his hands up and let his emotions run free again, "Then what would you have me do? You want my touch but the second I give it to you, you shy away from me. I attempt to comfort your worries and you push my hand away." With each sentence, he gets closer. "Do you truly believe me so incompetent as your husband that I have not noticed your touches have become less and less on my skin? Did you think I would not notice the thing I look forward to the most suddenly disappear?"
He stops and the two just stare at one another. 
"I crave it," he whispered.
Hot tears pricked up against her eyes, threatening to fall. She sniffled in an attempt to hold everything in.
Cregan wills his hand out to brush against her cheek. "Why have you stopped?"
She finds herself leaning into his hand, and there’s no denying that she didn't yearn for his touch as well. "…the people…"
He tries to follow along, but a frown tugs at his lips. "I still don't understand."
She opened her mouth the speak, but a soft sob breaks through and she steps back from him.
He closed the gap once again, this time grabbing her face with both hands in an attempt to calm her. "Shh, stop that. My anger is through. I just wish to help you.:
She held back the rising sobs to speak with a shaky voice, "I'm far too… needy… to be your Lady."
HIs jaw goes slack as pure confusion washes over him. He took a moment to regain himself before speaking. "I swear to you that you are not." He forces her head up to catch his eye. "Do you hear me?" She nodded, but he tilted his head, "I need to hear you say it."
That forced a few more tears down her cheek.
"I have to hear you say it," he almost pleaded. "Tell me that you're perfect for me."
A hesitation came over her, but she pushed through at the sight of his gaze. "I…. "
He waited with bated breath. "You're what? Say it."
"I'm perfect for you."
A broad smile came over him. "Now I want you to believe that, yeah?" He pulled her in and gave her a searing kiss that made her lose her train of thought. "We are returning, and you will do anything that makes you better."
"Is that not improper?"
He scoffed, "I do not care if you were straddling me as you've done in our bed. If you're comfortable, then I am doing my duty to you."
She blushed deeply and playfully hit his arm. "I would not do that."
"I know that." He kissed her forehead and moved from her. "Shall we?" He asked with an extended arm.
She took it happily.
He leaned down as the door opened, "If that hadn't worked, I'd have hoped you would cave tonight when you truly crave my touch."
She entered the hall with a face darker than Lannister red.
......................................................................
A/n 2: I'm updating my taglist, so if I somehow missed anyone that wants on it, lmk!
Taglist: @twinkletwinklenotastar, @kidd3ath,@yujyujj, @misswynters, @cosmosnkaz, @sithapprentice, @kaniromi, @lovemesomevesey, @its-jackie-bb, @8812-342, @thorins-queen-of-erebor, @kingdomzeldaquest @nyxbranwenn, @callsignwidow, @a1lexh-blog, @alyssa-dayne, @ethereal-athalia, @ashovertheriver, @lost-in-fiction-like-ur-mom, @dozcan123
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nottsangel · 2 months ago
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im absolutely in love with dealer!theo and your writing style!!! could you pretty please write more for him? 🥹🥹
“there she is…” theo drawls in a low, husky voice, his imposing and intimidating face instantly lighting up at the sight of you. he takes one last quick drag from his cigarette before tossing it to the ground, casually putting it out with the heel of his shoe.
“my favourite customer. missed me already, sweetheart?” you feel your cheeks heat up at his flirty remark, a wide, flustered smile uncontrollably tugging at your glossy lips.
“mhm, always. can’t you tell, baby?” he chuckles in response, shaking his head slightly in surprised amusement as he momentarily glances at the ground, clearly taken aback. when his eyes move back up, you notice him quickly checking you out, eyes scanning your body and lingering on your tits for a moment before they finally land on your charming, captivating eyes that drive him wild each time.
“what can i do for you, ma’am?” he questions, his tall frame slowly inching closer to you as he unconsciously bites his busted lip, your eyes narrowing when you notice the healing but still visible wound.
“what happened?!” you blurt out, both curiosity and worry evident on your pretty face, filling him with a sudden, indescribable warmth.
“nothin’ you gotta worry your pretty head over.” he begins, trying to dismiss it, but you continue to stare at him with furrowed brows, clearly not accepting it as an answer. “just, uh, heard some guys on the street call you names behind your back when we met last time. can’t let anyone disrespect my customers like that, y’know? especially not my favourite one.”
you unconsciously tilt your head to the side, eyes narrowed as you study his expression, trying to determine whether he’s speaking the truth or if it’s another one of his flirty gestures— but as far as you can tell with your fair amount of human knowledge, he seems to be speaking the truth.
“well… i don’t need a man to take care of me.” you begin, teasingly smiling as you gaze up at him through your eyelashes, your thumb then carefully brushing over the painful-looking wound. “but uh, thank you. that’s very sweet, i appreciate it.” you say softly, before your voice turns more stern. “don’t get into fights because of me again though— i mean, who do i go to when you’re on ‘sick leave’?”
he lets out a deep laugh, eyes still glued to yours. “yes, ma’am… no more fights.” he responds, his hand giving a playful but lazy salute as he smiles warmly at you. his expression then gradually softens as his eyes shift to your lips, and it’s quiet for a moment, the pent-up tension only building, and for a split second, it feels like your lips are uncontrollably gravitating towards his like a magnet— but then he breaks the silence.
“so, uhm… what is it gonna be this time?”
“oh, uh, just the usual. you— you still got some?”
“for you? ‘course i do.” he reaches into the pockets of his jacket and takes out a tiny bag filled with fine, white powder that glistens in the light, playfully dangling it in front of you while you reach for your own pockets to grab some cash.
“how much do i owe you?” you ask, but instead of giving you a clear answer, he leans towards you and swiftly moves his arm around your body, slipping the small, clear bag into the back pocket of your jeans.
“nothin’. this one’s on me, pretty girl.” he whispers as he cheekily winks at you, his deep voice and warm hand on your ass making your heart race, before he slowly slips his hand out again. “but don’t think this is gonna happen each time, a’ight? next time you’re gonna have to just pay— with a kiss, at least.”
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reminder: reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated and keep me motivated. ty! ♡
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