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[split-spectrum]

YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Tags: extremely dubious consent, non-con elements, explicit sexual content, exhibitionism, age gap, established relationship, jealousy, possessive!joel, softdom!joel, unprotected sex, alcohol, hair pulling

Length: 3.3K

Summary: At a client's house party, you catch yourself getting jealous of other eyes on Joel. Joel pulls you aside to show you exactly what he thinks of that.

This is my first time writing for Joel Miller, so please go easy on me <3

☆☆☆

What is it about Joel that makes him most attractive when he's stuck somewhere he doesn't want to be?

You tip back the last of your whiskey sour, gazing at the tight creases in the corners of his eyes as he nods along with the blond guy who's been talking for twenty painful minutes about the crypto market. Joel is leaning back, arms folded over his chest, his big shoulders pushing at the seams of his denim shirt.

He once told you that no one besides you could tell his emotions on his face. You'd laughed and called bullshit at the time, telling him every thought in that pretty head of his showed up plain as day on his face, but right now it doesn't seem to matter. He's been looking like he'd swallowed glass since this guy started talking, and it doesn't seem to make a bit of difference to him.

When Joel had asked if you wanted to come along to the holiday party one of his clients was having at his house, you'd said yes even after hearing that the guy was 'kind of an idiot' and you'd probably be 'bored to tears'. Joel would have skipped it, but unfortunately it was one of his biggest clients, and the invitation wasn't one he could politely decline.

Right now, though, you're sort of wishing you'd listened to him. The party stopped being fun somewhere around the second MLM scheme that had been pitched to you, and you're now counting the minutes until you'll hit the mark Joel set on the drive there: "Least a couple hours - then we can head out."

The guy takes a short pause, then launches into another tirade on bitcoin, and you realize you're going to need another drink to get through it. Joel's arm slips from around your waist as you pull away.

"Be right back, fellas. I'm going to get a refill."

Joel's brows lift as you leave him behind. "Now hold on there. Wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I let you get your own drink-"

You wave him off, trying to hold in a smirk. "No really, I need to take a lap. Stretch my legs."

He licks his lips, looks off to the side for a second before calling after you, "Grab me one on your way back, will ya?"

You smile innocently. "You got it."

After your host declines your offer to get him something, you head to the kitchen, making a little chit chat on your way to the well-stocked fridge. You decide to get Joel's beer before you return to the open bar to ask for another drink of your own. You hook your knuckles around the neck of a Modelo, no sooner closing the door to the fridge before you glance back in Joel's direction, seeing he's been joined by a few more people.

It isn't surprising. Joel's the type of guy who tends to draw attention, and not just because of his looks. He's the guy who's in charge, even when he's not in charge. People gravitate toward him; just something about his presence that makes him the most interesting thing in every room.

In spite of that, your attention isn't on him at the moment. It's on the girl making moon eyes beside him. She's tossing a long, shiny ponytail behind her shoulder and grinning ear to ear despite the fact that bitcoin boy hasn't stopped talking.

Picking up a bottle opener, you pop the cap off the beer in your hand by muscle memory, not able to tear your eyes off of them. Joel's attention is still on the host, but when she says something to him, you watch him pull his chin back to nod, holding her in the corner of his eye to give a quick smile.

Kelly, you remember. That's her name. She's the receptionist at the client's office, and she's probably seen more of Joel this month than you have.

You watch as she cranks up her smile another thousand watts, laughing at something one of the other guys in the group has said. Kelly, you think. No. Probably spells it with an i. Kelli. Probably dots it with a heart.

Your face is starting to warm up, and when someone on the other side of the kitchen counter gently asks if you're alright, you clear your throat, then reply that you're fine as you quickly open the fridge for a second Modelo. It's time for you to slow down on the whiskey.

As you make your way back to the group, you catch Kelly/Kelli's eyes and give her a subdued smile. She blinks and smiles back, suddenly looking very shy.

"Now what did I miss?" you ask, when the men dissolve into laughter.

Henry, one of the contractors under Joel, shakes his head. "It ain't worth repeating in the presence of a lady."

The host interjects, "So what do you call Kelly?"

Henry puts an arm around her shoulder. "Aw, she's heard it all before, haven'tcha?"

"That don't mean she wants to hear it from you!" one of the other men shouts, and there's another round of laughter while you bite your lip, watching Joel's eyes as they dip to Henry's arm.

You wrap your lips around the tip of the bottle in your hand, letting the taste of the beer give your mouth an excuse to look sour. Henry's hand is dropping from Kelly's shoulder down to her waist, and while the conversation carries on, Joel leans in close so that only Henry - and you - can hear.

"Cool it, Henry."

"Huh?" comes the slow reply, as he pretends not to have understood him.

Joel just lifts his brows, and that's all it takes for Henry to back off, looking a little sheepish as he unwinds himself from Kelly, who looks more than a little relieved.

Henry turns to you, suddenly trying to make small talk, to save face. "Have you two met? This's our girl Kelly. She takes good care of us, don'tcha, sweetheart?"

You give a polite smile. "We've met. Nice to see you, again. Both of you."

"Uh huh," Henry answers half-heartedly before he wanders off, perhaps to join another conversation, or just to find another drink.

Kelly gives you another polite smile, then as the host starts to back away, bringing the rest of the group with him, she goes along with the crowd. Before she leaves, though, she softly murmurs to Joel, "Thanks for that."

He answers with a stiff nod, but it's more than enough to put the stars back in her eyes as she walks away, leaving the two of you alone.

You're biting your lip again, practically chewing on it, as you dangle Joel's beer by the throat, handing it over to him.

"Thank you," he says, then tips it back immediately.

You don't reply, lost in thought, but pretending nonchalance as you watch the group leave.

"Meant what I said, though," Joel adds in your silence. "Shoulda let me get it. I don't like to have you wanderin' around on your own. Not with this bunch of degenerates."

You smirk. "What, like Henry?"

"For one, yeah," he says, turning to face you now that the sounds of the party are fading into the background. "Lookin' the way you do, won't be able to keep their eyes or their hands off ya."

You laugh him off, but can't pretend that his voice isn't settling right in the bottom of your stomach. He's standing a little closer, now, and you can smell the alcohol on his breath, mixed with the spice of his cologne. Something about him talking this way puts some boldness into you, and your words come out a bit more reckless than they should.

"Well, maybe you should have asked Kelly to get your drink, then."

He looks dumbfounded for a moment, and you widen your smile to show you're joking.

"I mean, I'm sure she would have," you go on, digging yourself deeper even as your heart kicks up faster. If you'd switched to beer two drinks ago, you probably would have explained yourself better. You would have insisted it was just a joke, because she so clearly has a crush on him. But your words are just swimming in all that whiskey.

"Cute little thing like that," you say, shrugging. "Probably don't mind her 'taking care of you', do ya?"

Joel's eyes are fixed on you, voice easing down into his chest when he asks softly, warningly, "What did you just say?"

He's turned all the way toward you, and all at once the room feels so much smaller, your face so much hotter. He's waiting for an answer, and your breath is caught high in your throat. "I-uh... it was just... nothing."

He's very slowly setting down his beer, looking down to a side table. "Wasn't nothing; I heard it." He looks back up at you, pinning you hard where you stand. "Now repeat it. Wanna make sure I heard you right."

You swallow, mouth dry. "I nn-nothing, I just said..." You force a crooked smile that you know he isn't buying for a second. "Y'know... she's- she's pretty cute, and maybe you... maybe she oughta... 'cause maybe you want her to..."

Your babbling doesn't impress him. He's just staring at you under a darkened brow. He opens his mouth to say something, but the motion of someone else entering the room catches your eye and you snap defensively before he can say anything.

"Joel, I didn't mean-"

He follows your gaze, then turns away and shuts you up with a wide, heavy palm sliding to the small of your back. "C'mere," he says. "C'mon." And the way he breathes it as he guides you out of the room and down the hall, you don't argue.

He finds a bathroom and pushes you inside. While you're looking over his shoulder to make sure no one sees you going in together, he's staring straight ahead, and he closes the door with one hand, still holding you with the other.

"I'm... sorry," you confess as soon as the door closes. "That was stupid. I don't know why I said it."

"Yeah," he grunts, crowding you up against the closed door. "You do."

The way he has you held close, arm around your waist and words warm against your mouth, you'd normally try to kiss him right about now. But looking into his eyes, you know there's no kiss waiting for you on his lips.

He's mad, and you're a little scared. Not scared of him, but scared of what he might do at a party where people might hear. People that he has to work with on Monday.

He isn't drunk, but he's had a few, and your fear ratchets up when his hand slides to your backside, gripping your ass and kneading it as he growls, "You think I give a goddamn about some teenager?"

Despite the way he's manhandling you through your dress, you can't help but roll your eyes. "She's not a teenager."

She isn't really that much younger than you are. And with Joel in his fifties, the thought has crossed your mind that he might just be keeping you around because he got a thing for younger women. You'd just never said anything out loud. Until tonight.

He stops, pulls back. "Alright, guess I'm not bein' clear enough."

He takes you by both arms, pushes you against the sink so you're looking at yourself in the mirror. Behind you, he starts unbuckling his belt.

"Joel..." you whisper, heat pulsing through you just from the sound of the metal clinking. You know you should ask him to stop - is the door even fucking locked? - but you can't get any other words out besides his name.

He slides a hand under your dress, pushing it up and over the swell of your ass. He doesn't slow down, doesn't even run his hand over your skin. He just pushes your panties to the side, pressing the head of his cock right up against your pussy, holding it there as he grits against your ear, "Guess I gotta show you where I want to be."

He pushes the thick head inside you, wrapping one arm around your stomach to keep you from falling forward. His other hand is flat on the sink, not playing with you, not easing anything. He doesn't give you any prep, just shoves in slowly, his cock stretching you all in one go.

You hiss, brow pinching. He didn't even let you get wet enough to take him. You can feel every damn move he makes inside you as he shifts his hips closer to pin you hard against the cold edge of the sink. When he's all the way in, you watch your mouth pop open in the mirror as you take a few panting breaths. The stretch is almost unbearable, but feeling so full of him, you don't want to stop.

He eases out, just a couple inches to coat himself in your slick, then presses back in even harder. You feel like your lungs are going to give out from how tight your gasps are getting.

"Fuck, Joel... hurts," you whine.

He slowly slides you off of him, then feeds it right back in.

"I know it does, honey," he breathes against your neck. "I know it does."

His deep voice makes you pulse around his cock and he drags his big, calloused hand down to the front of your dress, lifting it up just far enough to see your pussy, stuffed full of him. You're leaking down the sides of his cock, glistening in the dim light of the bathroom.

"See that?" he asks, unmoving. "That's where I wanna be. You hear me?"

Giving a shaky nod of your head, you whimper, "Yes."

He starts to piston in and out of you, and you can only watch. You close your eyes tight when he speeds up a little. "It's... mm- it's too much."

He doesn't change his pace. "Ain't about feelin' good. You've got to learn."

He groans when your pussy clenches around him, and you follow with an answering moan as the tension in your muscles starts to fade. You're soaking down both sides of your inner thighs as he opens you up further.

When you've dissolved into whimpering his name, he hooks one arm around your leg from behind, lifting it up so that you're spread wider. His other hand is still holding up your dress.

"Look at that," he grunts, making an obscene display of his cock fucking into your pussy. "Look how fucking hard you make me, baby."

You whine again, struck dumb by how good he feels with every snap of his hips. "God, feels so good... please..."

He's dragging his teeth against your neck when he replies, "Please?"

"Please, Joel. Feels so fucking good," you repeat, eyes closed.

You want him to fuck you properly, to bend you over and make you take him, to use his fingers - to let you use yours - anything; it doesn't matter. You're so worked up, you just need a little more.

"M'not gonna give you what you want, darlin'," he answers. "Don't work like that."

You can't help but loose a plaintive moan, even knowing you deserve it. "Baby, please-"

He drops your knee, letting your leg come down to the floor as he bends you over the sink. When he starts to fuck you for real, you can't hold it together anymore, softly pleading and whining for more, begging him not to stop, opening your eyes to watch him in the mirror as he starts to lose himself, too.

Until a knock at the door jars you right out of it.

"Is anybody in there?"

Joel doesn't even slow down. Just flattens his palm along your lower back to bend you back over after you jolt up.

"Joel-" you hiss. But he keeps giving you exactly what you need, and your eyes roll back.

"Hello?"

He slides a warm hand down the open neckline of your dress, kneading your breast as he looks at you in the mirror. His brown eyes are stern and steady. "Answer."

He keeps feeding you his cock, and you hiccup, legs shaking as you whisper, "I- I don't..."

"Go on and tell 'em. You're busy."

Fuck fuck fuck. "Uhh, s-someone's in here!"

Your voice comes out strained and airy, and you wait for the reply while Joel kisses the skin of your shoulder, sliding the front of your dress down.

"Joel, it's... somebody is..."

"Nothin' in here that I wanna hide," he growls, pushing his hips right up against your ass as he circles a thumb around one of your nipples.

"Fuck, Joel..." The silence outside has been long enough that the person is probably gone, but your pulse is still pounding, and he's making it so fucking hard to think. "Oh my god, yes..."

He's quietly panting, lifts his head long enough to say, "Understand now, pretty girl?"

"Mm..."

"This here's right where I wanna be. Nowhere else," he grunts, pressing his weight down on you, the squelching sounds between your bodies getting louder than your moans. Your eyes are drawn up to the mirror, watching the veins in his neck tighten as he fucks into you harder and harder. "You got it?"

You frantically nod, desperately near the edge of coming. "Fuck, yes, mhm..."

"Maybe I oughta fill you up right here, leave you with somethin' to think about."

"N-no," you stutter, almost sounding like you're sobbing your words. "P-please, I get it. I heard what you s-said."

He has to let you come. You don't care that you were acting up, making something out of nothing. You don't care what got him mad at you. All you can think about is how flushed his chest is beneath the open collar of his shirt, how tight his grip is, how stiff his jaw is set. You just want to listen to that throaty growl, feel him mercilessly fucking you a little while longer. That's all it would take. Just a little bit...

"Fuck-"

Joel pulls out, hand tightening into a fist around himself. You slump against the sink.

"Goddamn, baby. Almost got me, there."

You're on the verge of tears, shuddering with wild breaths. "No, fuck, Joel, please please please-"

He grips a handful of your ass, fingers brushing through your wetness and making you whimper.

"Told you, I ain't giving you what you want."

You hear him zip up his jeans, and then his hand is back at your ass, but this time he's pulling your panties back into place and tugging your dress down.

"Never gonna learn that way."

You whine pitifully, knowing you brought this on yourself, but still pleading under your breath, face drawn tight with frustration.

He helps you stand up properly, giving you his arm to steady yourself. You straighten your dress, cleaning up your appearance in the mirror, and eventually you're able to leave the bathroom, walking out on trembling legs.

He gives you a smirk as you leave the hallway, and something in you finally snaps. Maybe it's a little unfair, but you know exactly what to say to knock that smirk off his face.

You lean in and whisper in his ear, "Guess you didn't want me that bad after all, or you would have finished."

And all of ten minutes later, you're in the cab of his truck. You're screaming his name as you come all over his cock, hands fisted in his hair, tugging it hard while he pumps you full of his cum, cursing you the whole time.

Turns out, he's the one who's never gonna learn.

--

A/N: Thanks for reading! I don't have a taglist for Joel, but I'll add one if I ever write for him again. Hope you enjoyed! :)

Masterlist

[togrowoldinv]

Secret Santa

Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

When Natasha gets your name for Secret Santa, she tries to think of the perfect gift for you

Note: I’m back! Well, technically I never left but I’ve been up to my ears in studying for the cpa exam. I took what was hopefully my last exam today, and let Natasha come back into my brain lol. Enjoy this holiday fluff!

Natasha Masterlist 1, Natasha Masterlist 2, Natasha Masterlist 3, Main Masterlist

“Okay, on to the topic of the Christmas party. What if do Secret Santa names this year?” Tony suggests.

“What does that entail?” Steve asks what everyone else is thinking.

“Well, we’d all write down a few things we like. It gives the person who gets your name an idea of what you want,” Tony explains.

“I like it,” Steve agrees. “What does everyone think?”

A chorus of sures and okays follow.

“Y/n, can you take care of it?” Steve asks.

You agree easily. You’ve always loved the holidays so the idea of helping the Avengers have a good one is exciting. Especially since it’s your first year with the team.

You get everyone’s names on notecards and spend the rest of the day getting everyone to fill them out with gift ideas. Wanda helps you collect them from the team before the next team meeting the next morning.

“Okay, everyone I have all of the names here. Draw one and whatever you get is what you have. No switching allowed,” you tell the team, mainly Tony.

You eyeball him as you say it and he at least pretends to look offended before he grins.

When you get to Natasha, you smile at her shyly.

“What if I get my own name?” She asks with a smirk.

She reaches into the bowl of names before you can answer. Her expression is unreadable as she looks at the card.

“Good?” You ask.

“It’s good,” Natasha replies.

You move on and keep going until everyone’s been picked. You got Wanda, which should be super easy.

On the other hand, Natasha got you. She thinks about it for a few days before deciding that she doesn’t want to get you anything on your list. She decides to go to your best friend on the team for advice.

“You got a second?” Natasha asks, knocking on Wanda’s open doorframe.

“Oh,” the girl is caught off guard. She doesn’t spend much time talking to Nat aside from about missions. “Sure.”

Natasha walks in and closes the door behind her. She sits down at Wanda’s desk across from where the girl sits on her bed.

“Is everything okay?” Wanda asks.

Natasha doesn’t immediately assure her it is and she gets worried. “So, I got y/n for secret santa.”

Wanda’s tenseness goes away and she can’t help a little smirk forming as Nat is talking.

“And I know she has things on this list,” she says. “But I don’t think a single one of these things is good enough for her. I don’t know what I should get for her, but she deserves the best gift.”

“Natasha,” Wanda interjects. “You’re taking this way too seriously.”

“Oh,” Nat expresses. “She- well she loves Christmas, right? I saw how excited she’s been about the tree and then the secret Santa and the movies. All of it. I want it to be special for her.”

“That’s really sweet,” Wanda says. “You like her, huh.”

“Can you help me?” Natasha keeps the focus on the conversation at hand. She does like you though.

“Of course. Anything for y/n.”

“Thank you,” Natasha says, feeling the relief set in.

The two brainstorm ideas for a couple of hours. When Wanda shows late for your usual nightly dinner, she wears a grin.

“What?” You ask her. “Fun with Vision?”

Wanda chuckles and you share a laugh with her.

“Who’d you get for Secret Santa?” You ask her.

“I can’t tell you,” she says.

“Sure you can.”

“Who’d you get?” She counters.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Sure you can,” she mocks you.

The rest of the days leading up to Christmas go by fast. Unfortunately everyone had to go on a mission on Christmas Eve, so you’re all exhausted on Christmas Day morning.

Tony postponed the gift exchange until later in the day, and everyone is much more rested by then.

Even with the hustle and bustle, you notice Natasha hasn’t made it to the get together yet.

“Hey Clint, where’s Nat?” You ask the archer. He was working closely with her on the mission.

“I think she just needed to take some time alone.”

“Oh, okay.”

You go about the party for a few more minutes before deciding to go check on Natasha.

You go to her room and knock on the door. She takes a minute to answer, but finally the door opens to reveal a distressed Natasha.

Her hair is messy and she’s wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. You haven’t seen her this way before.

“Hey,” you say. “We missed you down there.”

“Sorry,” she says. “Uh, come in.”

Her room is clean and exactly like you expected it. There are a few photos of Natasha and Clint’s family on a dresser, but that’s really the extent of the decor.

“Are you okay?” You ask her.

“Yeah, just a bad mission.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Nat says. “It’s a me problem.”

“Hey, we’re teammates. And- we’re friends. It’s an us problem.”

Natasha can’t help but smile a little at that. You make her feel better by just being here.

“I don’t think I’m in the party mood. The guys aren’t so sensitive to my feelings.”

“Hey, that’s alright. I’ll just take your gift if you want me to. I’ll make sure it gets to the right person,” you explain.

“Oh, actually I had you. And I didn’t get a gift off of your list.”

Your eyes go wide. You didn’t even consider that Nat would get you. Thinking back to your list, you hope she didn’t find anything you wrote down as lame.

“Not because they were bad ideas. It’s just- I wanted to do something more meaningful,” she reads your mind.

Natasha crosses the room and grabs a box out of her closet. It’s wrapped nicely.

“You wrapped that?” You ask.

“You seem surprised,” Nat jokes. “I have skills.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” you say before blushing a bit. She smirks.

She hands you the box and you sit down on the edge of her bed together to open it. Nat watches you shyly as you open the gift.

“Natasha,” you whisper as you reveal the gift.

It’s a beautiful locket necklace.

“Open it,” she says.

On the inside of the locket, there’s a photo of your family. Your favorite photo to be exact.

“How did you-“

“Wanda helped,” Nat says. “I know you’ve been missing home since you joined the Avengers. I thought you’d want to have a piece of them with you on missions.”

“Natasha, that’s- well that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” you say, fighting back tears.

“You like it then?”

“I love it. Thank you,” you say sincerely. “Will you put it on me?”

Nat nods and takes the necklace from your hands. She unclasps it and stands behind you to put it around your neck. Her hands are gentle as she clasps the necklace and brushes against your skin.

“Beautiful,” she says when you stand and face her.

“You are, yeah,” you surprise her by saying. You dare to reach out for her hand. She takes it easily and interlocks your fingers. “I wish I got you something.”

“Oh, I think you just gave me the best gift,” Natasha says.

“I did?”

“Mhm,” she confirms. “Come here.”

Natasha leans in, pulling you closer to her with the hand that’s free by the back of your neck. Her gentle hand from before has a bit more urgency.

You can’t help but smile as she kisses your lips. Finally, both of you think. Finally.

“Merry Christmas, y/n,” Natasha says when she breaks for air.

“Merry Christmas, Natasha.”

It doesn’t take long before you add a photo of Natasha to the other side of your locket. She’s with you always. Right beside your heart.

[reds-skull]

CW FLASHING IN THE VIDEO (3rd from the bottom)

This is it. 3 months in the works, the comic (and video) are finally done.

A little over a year ago, I uploaded the first work in Revenant AU, Ghost's origin comic. I never thought I'd write a whole series for this, but I'm so glad I did. I got a whole new hobby out of it, haha.

I already began working on part 2, but this for me marks the start of it. I'm really excited to get back into this world!

Under the cut there are some comments on the comic I thought some people might be interested in (don't wanna make this post longer than it already is lol). I will upload the frames from the video separately, with comments on it there.

Bottom line is, thank you for letting me just go wild with this :)

Okay, I'm mostly gonna talk about the part where Fate shows Makarov the 141+Farah. Makarov doesn't see the Fate of people as literal images, he often has to interpret odd symbolism in the flashes he gets from the Weave of Fate.

I decided to go for a style I saw in a collection of calling cards in MW3, mainly from this one:

You can really see it in the faces and pitch-black cel shading.

I'll be going in order of appearance, starting with Farah.

Obviously, each of the "flashes" shows the Reaping of each person, Farah being crushed under rubble. Behind her is a helo of green gas, which symbolizes the Russian experimental gas. The motifs around her are more interesting imo - they're taken from the Urzik flag (and yeah apparently it's "Urzik" and not "Urzikstani"... according to the wiki at least). Wings, plants (feels to me like a pomegranate and some sort of crop, but I couldn't find what it is specifically), and a moon, upside down.

I'm skipping ahead a bit, but I've had the idea to make a drawing of Gaz in the Hanged Man pose since I started the AU basically. I tried sketching it once, and it went bad so I gave up lol. But I decided to come back to that here, and add some sort of tarot connection to all of them. I know practically nothing about tarot, googled the meanings of each, they fit well enough, I called it a day lol.

So Farah is the Moon, upside down.

Price is next, showing him taking control of the brain of someone. I didn't use the flag of the UK for the 141 (it'd be kinda boring...), instead I took the Taskforce 141 logo, and broke it down to different elements.

I took the laurels for Price, both framing his illustration and sitting above his head like a crown. I decided he will be the Emperor.

Next up is Gaz, the Hanged Man of course. Gaz gets both the wings and the stars (I changed mine to 4-pointed because... I like them better). Pretty clear why, both symbols relate to the sky. The illustrations kinda follow a rough day cycle, if that makes sense. Farah being night, with the moon. Price with his golden and purple color palette, twilight. Gaz being sunrise, and Ghost and Soap, day. This is why Gaz has a sun behind him.

Ghost was fun because he's the only inhuman one out of the group. I'll let you think what that implies, that even in Fate's Weave, Ghost is an outlier... Ghost gets the skull, and the card "Death". That one was easy, but what I did add is blood flowing down the skulls, like tear tracks...

Soap, the problem child, gave me the most issues as always. For once, it wasn't his fucking face, it was the flames behind him, and overall contrast and readability issues. Soap's illustration is probably packed with the most "hidden" details, though they're obvious if you've read the fic and Konchar's side story. The headless man behind Soap is Konchar himself, holding 4 chains with dog tags on them. The 4 soldiers from Soap's squad, who he killed before Soap was Reaped. Soap's pose is from the moment he came to his senses, after getting shot in the head and destroying a large part of Verdansk. He has 4 swords, pointing at him and downwards, so his card is 4 of Swords, upside down.

Between Soap and Ghost is a circle and a triangle. I'll explain that in the post concerning the video, since that's where I got that from.

If you read all of this, thank you so much! There will be another post for you to read in a moment lol

[commandershepardvasfuckit]

Kingsguard part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

M!troll x f!reader

2.3k words

You knew Ba’tual rarely slept with someone more than once, you weren’t quite sure exactly what to make of him letting you know he was expecting more.

(Oral: male receiving, size difference)

————

The sounds of movement woke you and you opened your eyes to see sunlight streaming through the windows and Ba’tual getting dressed.

“Good, you’re up. I though I was going to have to wake you” he commented, only barely looking over.

You sat up, your head spinning a little. Not the worse hangover you had ever had, but you certainly were not feeling so great.

Looking around you saw your clothes folded and sitting on the table along with the borrowed jewelry neatly placed beside them, so at least getting dressed and leaving would be easy.

Well, mostly easy. You struggled to figure out how exactly Bira had tied the shirt around you yesterday and you resigned to wrapping it any way you could just to keep it up. Hopefully you would not see anyone on your way back to the inn where you were staying.

As you went to leave Ba’tual stopped you for a moment and placed his hand under your chin to tilt your head up and make you look at him. He glided his thumb along your bottom lip before pressing the tip of it into your mouth, “I have things to do today, but I’m not done with you yet.”

He pressed his finger in a little farther and forced you to swirl your tongue around it “But you know where to find me.”

As you went to leave he gave you such a saccharine smile. He was still insufferable, but you supposed you did not have to like him to be able to have a little fun.

Tracing the roads back to the hold as a best you could, you kept an eye out for anyone who might recognize you, disheveled hair and last night’s clothes on incorrectly was not a good look on anyone. There were not many humans in the city so you drew at least some attention anywhere you went, but at least so far you did not know anyone you walked past.

You wanted to take a wide berth around the hold, figuring that was where you were most likely to bump into familiar faces. Besides the road you usually took to get back to the inn, you realized you actually did not know any other way back. Going through the main square was your only option for now.

Cautiously you looked out from the side street you were on to check who was there. It was still fairly early in the morning and almost no one was out yet, which was quite a relief. You moved quickly across, hoping your little hustle was not drawing too much attention and you made it just over half way across before you heard a familiar voice.

“Looks like someone had a good night” Bira teased.

You could have died of embarrassment right there.

“I’m just glad to see you didn’t spend all night writing notes” she laughed.

“Yeah” you laughed back awkwardly.

“So, anyone I would know?”

“I don’t think so” you lied.

She gave you a little shrug and a smile, “Well, hope you had some fun.”

As you turned you saw something that made your heart sink: Ba’tual walking towards the two of you. Quickly you started to walk off, hoping to not be too suspicious but you heard him call out to you.

“Hey, you left this at my place” he called out much too loudly for your liking and holding up a bracelet.

You looked back and forth between him and Bira and tried to brace for impact. You were one hundred percent certain that you had put on everything that was laid out by your clothes, you had no idea how you missed something.

“Him?” Bira practically spat at you, “You have a whole city to pick from and you picked him? That’s who you went home with?”

“Good morning to you too, Bira” he smiled, clearly enjoying the scene he was currently causing while he went to hand you the bracelet.

“I could have set you up with so many better choices!” Bira hissed at you as she snatched the bracelet from Ba’tual.

“She can’t help that she has good taste” he smirked.

“A whole city. A whole city! And you choose the guy who’s been pestering you nonstop?”

You did not know how to explain it, nor did you think Bira would actually care, but Ba’tual could actually be quite charming when he wanted to be. And besides, you had fun with him. It was not like you were looking for a relationship.

“Just because you don’t like me doesn’t mean that other people can’t like me” Ba’tual teased Bira.

“Fine, fine, make whatever poor decisions you want” she threw her hands up in defeat and sighed, “Just be careful, ok?”

“It’s fine, Bira. I’m an adult, I know what I’m doing” you assured her.

“And you” Bira snapped at Ba’tual, “don’t be such an asshole.”

“Oh but I think she likes it, she certainly seemed to like being pushed around last night” he smiled.

“Not another word” Bira warned him.

He smirked, “That’s fine, I have places to be anyways, but I’ll be seeing you later.”

“Really?” Bira asked you as Ba’tual walked off.

“I mean, it was really good” you shrugged.

Bira looked like she wanted to retch.

After getting back to the inn to wash up and change, the rest of the day went pretty smoothly at least. You headed back to the hold as you were supposed to meet with several of the huntsmasters from the minotaur clans that lived in the plains outside the city.

As you approached the hold you spotted Ba’tual in his typical spot outside, watching over two newer recruits as they sparred. He looked up as you passed and beckoned you over.

“Find me when you leave, I’ll be here all day” he told you.

You just nodded, fairly excited for whatever awaited later.

The day dragged on much longer than it should of. You found yourself struggling to write down everything the huntsmasters where telling you: important information about traveling routes for trading or following migrating animals, mostly just going in one ear and out the other. At the end of the day you smiled and nodded politely as you bid them farewell, kicking yourself for being distracted at such a vital time.

You quickly scanned the area outside the hold, the excitement building as you spotted Ba’tual sitting and leaning against one of the posts that lined the sparring area.

“Found you” you playfully called to get his attention.

“Great job” he snorted.

“Soooo” you began, “What’s the plan?”

“I’m starving, and could use a drink. Dealing with new recruits is draining.”

“Not a fan of being a teacher?”

“No. They all think they know better and then whine about unfair fights when sparring” he stood up and once more placed his hand under you chin to make you look up at him, “So I could could use a drink and some stress relief.”

You tailed behind him, somewhat struggling to keep up with his long strides as you made your way across town. The tavern he brought you to was one that you had never been to and you were the only human there. Ba’tual sat at the bar and and immediately started chatting in troll to the bartender. He smirked and nodded his head towards you and the bartender gave a laugh.

“What was that about?” you asked.

“Nothing, just ordering for us” he shrugged.

You were certain there was more to it, but it was not like you knew what he had said to prove anything so you dropped it.

The two of you made your way back to his place, a pleasant buzz in your head from the alcohol but less tipsy that then previous night at least. It was a short walk at least.

Ba’tual wasted no time once inside, immediately beginning to unlace his pants. “On your knees” he directed you, only barely glancing your way as he folded his pants and sat them aside.

You raised an eyebrow at him and remained standing.

“Please” he added with a clearly faked smile as he saw your facial expression, “And come over here.”

You knelt down between his legs next to where he sat on the bed and immediately he grabbed your hair and pulled your face right up against his cock. He was looking down at you expectantly, but did not say a word. You ran your tongue across his tip, lapping up the pre cum that had formed already. He groaned and tightened his grip on your hair, somewhat forcing his way into your mouth in his impatience.

Swirling your tongue around him got quite a response. He caught you off guard and bucked into your mouth, making you gag a bit and pull back. You looked up and shot him a dirty look, but he did not seem to care.

“Careful” you hissed at him.

“You can handle it” he shrugged.

“If you want me to blow you then don’t do that again.”

Cautiously you resumed, this time wrapping a hand around his base to hopefully keep him from shoving his cock down your throat. You started a steady rhythm of stroking him while you sucked on his tip and you felt his grip on your hair loosen as he relaxed.

Looking up at him, he really was quite a sight. When he was not being a pain the ass and kept his mouth shut he really was rather handsome.

You ran your free hand up his thigh and felt the taut muscle right under the skin, you had seen him sparring several times and knew he could absolutely manhandle you if he wanted. Slowly you moved your hand farther up his thigh until you were able to cup his balls, they hung heavy in your palm and you smile as you heard him moaning while you played with them.

He was leaning back on his elbow, eyes closed and taking deep breaths through parted lips.

“Fuck” he moaned, “That’s why he didn’t shut up about it.”

You snorted, you did not know what he was going on about, but it was almost charming in a way.

Slowly you took more of him into your mouth, enjoying how he tasted and smelled. He had been outside training recruits and sparring most of the day, giving him a strong, musky smell especially with your face between his legs and tasted of salt from the traces of sweat on his skin.

“Look at me” he directed you, though the commanding tone had all but dropped from his voice. Now it was almost a plea.

You looked up at him, though leaning back a bit he was watching you closely now, breathing heavily through parted lips.

“Spirits” he sighed, “You looked good with your lips around my cock.”

You held his eye contact and took more of him. At this point you were just at the edge of gagging if you went any farther and still it was only about half his length. You kept your tongue against the underside of his shaft, teasing him a bit as you slowly pulled back to see how he would react.

Quickly you felt his grip on your hair tighten again as he yanked you back towards him, though this time with your hand around him he did get deep enough to make you gag.

“Don’t” you warned him as you all but removed him from your mouth.

He gave you an almost pathetic whine, but released his grip on your hair entirely.

With your newfound freedom of movement you wrapped your other hand around him, working your mouth and hands in sync. He was nearly whimpering as you continued and you could hear soft words in troll falling from his lips.

As your pace increased so did his panting and ragged breathing to the point where he was nearly gasping as he finished. Spurts of thick, warm cum filled your mouth and quickly got to the point to overflowing and dribbling down your chin.

He reached down and wiped the cum off your chin with his finger before holding it to your lips.

You humored him, not only licking it off playfully sucking on his finger for a moment.

He let out a deep breath through his mouth before speaking, “Fuck” he sighed. “Really does live up to the hype.”

“Wait, have you never been blown before?” you asked in bewilderment.

“No? Have you seen troll tusks?”

“What about orcs or minotaur?”

“Look, we share a city and all get along, but not like that.”

“Then how’d you even know what it was?”

“My best friend is married to a human, you think he doesn’t tell me all about what he gets up to?”

“Fair” you conceded and you went stand up. You pressed yourself against him and began to kiss and nip along his neck.

“What are you doing?” he asked, almost sounding annoyed.

You did not know how to answer. It was obvious what you were doing: continuing.

“Aren’t we just getting started?” you asked, doing your best pouty, sultry voice.

“Wasn’t that enough?”

“No?” it was your turn to sound annoyed.

“Well, I’m tired. I’ve had a long day.”

“And I must be the only human you’ve had luck with, because while I’m not the only one in the city I must apparently be the only one willing to blow you” you fired back.

You saw his lip twitch as he scowled at you, clearly annoyed and doing his best to play nice. “Fine. If you’re going to be like that then give me a few minutes to catch my breath.”

Part 5

[tunastime]

47 and ethubs?

OOOH anon, you know I always want to write Ethubs :3 lets see what song it is!

OOOOOH. Man oh man. This was SUCH a fun song for them, and I really had to listen to it a few times to get the feeling that I wanted to convey. This was a top song of mine either last year or the year before, and my band of ALL TIME. I'm so glad I got my friends into them <33 anyway, here's ethubs! (595 words)

Bdubs has kept a very close eye on Etho. It's hard not to—he. He has to keep himself on a very short leash around Etho right now because/ Well. He's red. Etho is being nice, but he's Etho, and there's something just under the halting laugh of his tone when he tells him he has to stay on one side of the base that threatens as much as it does soothe. 

He's Etho. 

What does Bdubs mean by that?

The obvious answer would be that Bdubs loves him, much too much and much too easily at that. He has loved Etho for a long time, much longer than Etho has loved him. Much longer than the clouds continue to grey and much longer than the mushy snow walls they've encased themselves in will last. Whether or not Etho knows that is not the focal point of this discussion—it's almost irrelevant, actually, to the weight of his decisions.

Bdubs is spinning in his mind all the possibilities of his survival. Less so than, he thinks, Etho is. Etho’s survival hinges on Bdubs’ death—or it at least hinges on Bdub leaving him to his own devices. Bdubs’ survival hinges on keeping himself alive, obviously, and in the arms of someone who’s safe. For that reason, Bdubs keeps his eyes on Etho. He can’t help but wonder though.

It would be so easy for Etho, to press the sharp tip of his sword into his chest and split the skin. Would he let him? Would he even yell? He'd have to draw the sword against him. Bdubs knows he won’t. He can't kill the thing he loves even if it bites him. And Bdubs bites him, even when he doesn't mean to.

Maybe he does mean to.

Bdubs presses his forehead against the lip of the small window in the closed room he’s been telling all these secrets to. The stone is cold under his skin, but he can’t tell if it’s the abnormal heat of him or the weather outside that makes it feel so icey. Does it really matter?

Right—where was he again?

He has to keep an eye on Etho. Half because he loves him far too much, and half because Etho might kill him just to save himself. He’s still trying to figure out if he’s okay with that.

(When it comes down to it, Bdubs will still be upset. Because as much as Etho promised him that he would live, he never got anything out of it in the end. Etho plays a game that keeps people at arm's length. Or maybe they’re not playing the same game at all.

That’s what Bdubs will learn, but not today.)

Bdubs steps out of the room that feels more like a confessional feeling significantly more thirsty for blood. Etho turns as he notices him from the corner of his eye. His eyes crinkle playfully.

Jumpy.

“What were you doin’ in there?” He asks, tilting his head. Still Etho, afterall. 

“Schemin’,” Bdubs grins, shaking off his anxiety. “What’s it to you?” 

Etho snorts.

“Nothin’,” he says lightly, turning back to the fire he’s building. The sky is getting orange around the edges. If Bdubs squints, he thinks he might be able to see stars. Beside Etho’s foot rests a battered metal teapot with a short piece of rope tied through the handle. “I was just curious.”

“Right,” Bdubs says. He tugs his cloak a little closer to him. “Aren’t you always?”

Etho laughs.

Bdubs pretends like it doesn’t make the words clam up in his throat.

(send me a number from 1-100 and I'll try to write a fic!)

[writingduhh]

isaacwhy x gn!reader at a con together <33 they try to hide their relationship but people catch on seeing small touches n interactions w them hehe

You got it! <3 I’m new to writing Gn! So please please forgive any mistakes! Hope this is ok!

Secret Relationship || Isaacwhy

The energy at the convention was electric. Cosplayers, fans, and content creators rushed around. You and Isaac moved through the crowd with practiced ease. The plan for the weekend was simple: keep your relationship under wraps. It wasn’t that you didn’t want people to know—you both just enjoyed having something that was all yours.

Isaac wore his classic tank top, face mask covering his face along with the usual sunglasses. Even though his face was covered you could still spot that familiar, mischievous grin peeking out. You walked alongside him careful to keep some distance. No hand-holding, no couple-y behavior, nothing that would draw attention. It was supposed to be easy… at least, that’s what you told yourselves.

It started small like always. The occasional brush of Isaac’s hand against yours as you walked. The way his hand found the small of your back whenever you stopped to look at a booth. Each touch was subtle almost absentminded, but to you they meant everything. However, you weren’t the only one paying attention. Fans were sharp and they missed nothing. It didn’t take long before a few people started catching on.

At one point you leaned down to check out some merch an Isaac, without thinking, bent close to whisper a joke in your ear. His breath tickled your neck, and you had to bite your lip to keep from laughing out loud. But the way you leaned into him, how easily you two fell into sync and it didn’t go unnoticed. A couple of fans nearby exchanged glances, their whispers just barely audible.

“I think that’s Isaac and Y/n…” one of them said.

“They’re always together. And always touching,” the other added, eyes darting between the two of you.

Isaac as always pretended not to notice, but the smirk tugging at the corner of his lips told you he was having fun with it. He stepped back slightly, his fingers just barely brushing your lower back as he guided you toward the next booth.

“Think they’ve caught on?” you murmured, glancing around.

Isaac grinned, his eyes twinkling with that familiar playfulness. “Nah, we’re fine. Totally blending in.” He winked, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

The next slip-up was inevitable. While you both stopped for a quick snack, Isaac casually reached over to wipe a smudge of something off your cheek, his thumb lingering a little too long. You could see a group of fans standing nearby. One of them nudging the other with wide eyes.

“Did you see that?!” one whispered, trying to keep their voice down but clearly failing.

“He just—yeah, they’re totally together.”

You shot Isaac a look, but he only shrugged, pretending to be oblivious. He handed you a napkin with a sly smile. “What? Just looking out for you.”

“Uh-huh,” you muttered, though a smile was creeping onto your face. It was getting harder to hide how comfortable you were with each other.

As you wandered through the convention hall the tension between keeping things private and slipping up kept building. It didn’t help that Isaac couldn’t stop with the small, flirty touches. His hand would rest on your shoulder as you waited in line for a panel, fingers brushing lightly against your neck. At one point he even leaned in, just as he always did when he kissed you. But this time he played it off by pretending to adjust your badge while his breath ghosted across your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.

Fans around you were buzzing by then, their eyes darting from you to Isaac with increasing frequency. You overheard fragments of conversations

“They’ve got to be together,” and “Did you see how he touched them? That wasn’t just friendly.” It was becoming harder to play it cool.

At one point, as you both walked past a group of fans waiting for a photo op, Isaac—being Isaac decided to push the limits a little more. He reached out and tugged playfully at the sleeve of your jacket, pulling you closer as he whispered something into your ear. The laugh that slipped out was impossible to suppress, and you saw a few phones immediately rise, discreetly snapping photos or recording short clips.

“We are so busted,” you whispered, though your tone was more amused than worried.

Isaac chuckled, leaning a little closer so his arm brushed yours. “Only if you admit it,” he teased, his voice low and conspiratorial.

But by then, the whispers had turned into tweets. Fans were posting blurry photos, their captions ranging from speculative to certain.

_"I SWEAR I just saw Isaacwhy flirting with someone at the con—"_

_"Okay, no joke, Isaac is being super touchy with this one person. Are they a couple??"_

_"Guys, I think Isaacwhy and [Y/N] are totally together. LOOK AT THEM."_

As the convention neared its end, it was clear there was no hiding anymore. The playful touches, shared laughs, the way Isaac kept leaning into you none of it went unnoticed. Social media was quickly filling up with clips and photos. By the time you both sat down for a quick break outside the hall, the jig was up.

Isaac was scrolling through his phone, his expression caught somewhere between amused and impressed. “They’re fast,” he commented, showing you a tweet with a clear picture of the two of you, arms linked, laughing at some inside joke.

You sighed, a smile tugging at your lips. “Well, we had a good run.”

He smirked, nudging your shoulder with his. “We could still deny it.”

You gave him a look. “After everything? We’d look ridiculous.”

Isaac let out a playful sigh, dramatically wiping a hand over his face. “Guess it’s time to come clean, huh?”

You nodded, pulling out your phone. “Together?”

He grinned. “Together.”

Quickly you snapped a picture of the two of you, Isaac kissing your cheek through his mask.

He leaned in closer to peek at your screen as you quickly typed up a tweet.

“Well… we tried to be sneaky, but y’all are just too smart 😅💞”

Isaac hit send a moment later with a tweet of his own.

"Guess the secret’s out! 😂❤️"

The reaction was instant. Fans flooded the comments, thrilled and full of excitement.

“KNEW IT!!!"

“They’re so cute together omg!!!"

“You guys tried 😂 but it was obvious!"

With your phones buzzing in your hands, you exchanged a look, both of you laughing softly at how everything had turned out. The secret might have been out, but seeing how happy people were for you made it all worth it. Isaac wrapped his arm around you once more, pulling you close as you both watched the bustling scene of the convention center, content that the truth was finally out there.

[skitskatdacat63]

"From triumph to failure is but one step."

+ the usual

I love when I can include paper sketches in the process gif. It's very satisfying to see it progress from a very vague imagining of what was in my head to the finished project.

+ version without text

My favorite sketch was definitely the one where I actually put in words what it's supposed to convey. I wouldn't usually write that down, cause it's all in my head, but it was useful to do so when sending it to other people. I'll go into it more but here it is just as a teaser:

Lmao first of all, I like how I was teasing "Spanish GP" art, but as per usual, it's just thinly veiled au art. IM SORRY, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN MAKING GENERAL POSTERS, THAT'S NO FUN! So instead you will get weirdly relevant matador au art. I like it a lot though, I was really shocked I was able to draw 3 different Fernandos, I mean even drawing one figure takes a lot out of me, but this was weirdly easy?? I think it's just the effect of not being burnt out anymore, and actually being able to draw with more ease makes me feel like a god.

Okay, so the text: "Fight or Flight?" I'll be honest, I don't even remember why I chose it, literally came to me in a vision 😭 But I think it's fitting with the narrative of this piece. Is it better to keep going on, keep fighting, or better to finally give up, and flee? Not that I even remotely think he should give up, but I feel like sometimes I can sense him pondering this very question. That was the big fear before he announced that he re-signed. Keep fighting and maybe, just maybe, you'll get the chance to finally go up against the bull again. Or accept it's an uphill battle and the fighting is going to keep getting more and more strenous, and maybe it's time to put down the sword. SORRY THIS IS SO ANGSTY FOR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE "yayyyy home race!!!" Please forgive me <3

I. Renault

At some point, someone pointed out to me that I had drawn all other iterations of matador Fernando with a sword, except for Renault Fernando, and that ended up feeling very poignant to me. In a bull fighting match, they really only pull out the sword at the last minute to deliver the killing blow. So I think it's important to never draw this Fernando with a sword, because it shows the unfailing confidence and stability he has at that point. He only needs to pull out the sword at the end, as a formality almost, there's no reason for him to keep his guard up at all times.

II. Ferrari

Meanwhile this Fernando, he's considering his sword like he hasn't had to in the past. He's checking the sharpness, making sure in advance he can do what needs to be done. He's on guard, he feels like he needs to keep up his defenses at all times because he doesn't have that same amount of trust and stability anymore. He knows though he will be up against the (red) bull, at least that's never in question. At least there's the assurance he'll get the chance to fight.

III. Aston

Oh, Aston Fernando....He doesn't know whether to take up his sword or finally put it down for the last time. While at least Ferrari Fernando knows he's on constant guard against the bull, this Fernando doesn't even have that assurance anymore. He feels like he can never put down the sword, just in case he gets the chance to strike the killing blow on the bull, which feels like it's growing more and more unlikely.

Spanish flag: ? Lmao this was meant to be something to celebrate Fernando's home race and it turned very introspective whoops. Also got the Napoleon quote in there hahaha, can't escape it!! Shame though there is no French gp anymore, if so I'd probably draw an unhinged thing for it :,(

[babyaiker]

Mr pookiebooks can you pls draw low honor Kieran 😈 maybe in Colm’s big fluffy coat tysm tysm your artwork makes me squeal and giggle and spasm with delight

Wassup Duckie I got u pookie >:3

I’ll do ya one better, here’s my spin on a lil “what if Kieran was leader of the O’driscolls AU” too cuz I got way too outta hand with the coat

- I don’t imagine in canon Kieran EVER got along with Colm. Never liked his ideals, his methods, his vibe, a true “ride with em’ or die” entrapment situation. Awful

- It’s the same for this AU, but in order to save his own ass he becomes the biggest kiss-ass to ever kiss-ass. He just does whatever he’s told because he knows he can do it, and it keeps him safe.

- Bro sycophants so hard he ends up becoming one of Colm’s right-hand men. And despite really not wanting to, Colm gets arrested and writes to have Kieran be next in command. 

- The gang doesn’t actually fall apart immediately, but it starts changing how it goes about things.

- Rather than robbing, the O’driscoll boys begin taking up bounties, putting criminals away better than the sheriffs ever did due to their power in numbers. This practically forces the law within the small towns they occupy to tolerate them, as without them, crime would go back to it’s uncontrollable state.

- Through offering protection from other gangs, the boys are able to make good money extorting entire towns throughout New Hanover. Of course the money’s still dirty though, as the O’driscolls aren’t afraid to create some new problems if the towns stop paying. 

- Kieran essentially introduces a more “mutually beneficial” money-maker into the gang.

- He may be low honor but I still see him as the awkward gentle soul he is in canon, and would prefer to rest easy knowing he’s committing the least amount of murders required.

- Kieran becomes known as this lanky stoic guy who never talks, who ripped the coat off of Colm’s dead body, and uses Colm’s men like guard dogs.

- While he’s definitely gained a fair bit of confidence as leader, he chooses to never speak directly to those he’s dealing with, instead whispering to his men to speak for him. It’s great for his scary gang-leader image, but in actuality it’s cuz he doesn’t wanna stutter or say something weird in front of the ops. 

(Shout out to the LISA: The Painful fans in the crowd, I stole that idea from the game) (fun fact the reason the image is cut off is cuz I drew him too tall haHA)

[rjschoicesstuff]

A timeline for Rex heehee

I'll probably make a new one (or expand on this one) once book 3 is finished, this one's more in line with what I came up with in the period between Blades 1 and 2! Regarding her future at least.

I'll put a typed out version under the cut because the writing is very small + ummmm my handwriting again hahaha.. will also include some additional info there + sometimes explaining some stuff a bit more

Also bonus drawing of baby Rex with Ruby

14 years old

Already stronger than some adult men in the village

Helps out on the farm a lot

The last year he'll be able to ride a horse (he'll be very upset about this)

Already has a bit of a gentle giant reputation

15 years old

Puberty hit him like a train

Very popular with the girls lol (and some guys), enjoys the attention

Strongest person in Riverbend

Rips the sleeves off all his shirts. Which prompted his mom to teach him how to sew, so he could do it himself when it gets colder again and he inevitably wants his sleeves back

Actually loves being the only orc for a while (because of the positive attention after the growth spurt)

Generally the guy people reach out to when they need help from a strong person.

19 years old

Experimenting a bit more with her gender expression (make-up, jewellery, growing her hair out + changing pronouns more recently) open-ish about it to other people, but ultimately doesn't care about how they refer to her. (as long as they are respectful)

Been on her own with Kade after losing their parents shortly after each other a year ago. (talking about the farmer and his wife here)

Rarely wears a shirt while working (she still does farm work though now for others because they didn't keep the farm) she enjoys seeing people oggle on the side of the field.

Had been in a bunch of relationships through the years, but longs to be with another orc. (Rex has trouble being intimate with humans because she dislikes the size difference)

Longs for adventure

Wants to travel to Flotilla someday, expects it'll be one of those 'wow I'm right where I belong and feel complete now'-moments

24 years old

Book 1 Rex

Doing a lot of self discovery

Presenting more fem for the first time

Feels guilt whenever he has fun or feels happy, due to Kade being trapped in the Shadow Realm.

Quickly becomes best friends with Nia

Falls in love with Imtura and Tyril

There's something especially healing about finally having another orc in his life.

26 years old

Lost her right horn in the battle against the Dreadlord

Living on Flotilla to learn more about the culture, meet other orcs and learn more about herself. Spends a lot of time with Imtura.

Realises she's always gonna feel a bit like an outsider, no matter where she is, no matter how much people try to include her.

Happy to be here though, but definitely could not permanently live here. She's a bit homesick for land.

Got in touch with biological family members (thanks to her and Ruby's bull horns being easy to recognize) and learned what clan she belongs to, though she keeps going by the surname of her adoptive family. Enjoys listening to stories about her mom.

[sweetmariihs2]

Since TADC was released I've been thinking what the characters could do/what I would do to prevent going crazy (abstracting). Living day after day in the same place can bring you to madness and depression makes me people upset just by staying 2-3 days at home, so imagine what would be like to be locked there everyday without even having notion of time or any day or night. The circus looks a bit boring after they're used with it and the adventures are made to keep the characters entertained, but what if there were other activities to keep their mental health less bad more stable?

Useless list of things that could prevent the characters from abstracting - going crazy (at least for a certain period of time):

Singing

Making karaoke shows (it's fun)

Talking and sharing everything they can remember of their lives (they do remember their lives in the show) (this can give them some ground as to not go crazy)

Have a journal/diary to write about their everyday thoughts and tasks. Who cares if Jax finds them, at least they will have something to do

Have a journal/diary to write everything they can remember of their real lives so that they won't forget their memories and can always remember about who they are when things get bad

Drawing (ask for Caine to make a painting room - he seems to listen when you ask for simple stuff, he can comprehend) (wait I think they can already draw)

Ask for Caine again to let them play dress up and give them new outfits (tadc dress to impress when?) (dressing up is good for mental health and in their case that can give them a bigger variety of everyday clothes, so each day won't be exactly the same) (and I'm saying this because my sensory issues would NEVER allow me to wear a hat 24/7, being in Pomni's skin looks like hell to me)

Dress to impress contest I swear (+the runway too)

Hairstyles too. Imagine Pomni and Ragatha with pig tails. Imagine Kinger with a wig and bows/hairclips because Ragatha and Gangle did his hair. What if then.

playing games like truth or dare - they don't die, nothing is too dangerous to try

Literally ask Caine for more stuff because he can give it to them: Ask for an adventure on a beach where the challenge is to just have as much fun as possible. Or an adventure where they have a tea party in a field of flowers, very easy and without obstacles. What bothers Caine and encourages him to make the adventures more "exciting" (scary and more troublesome) is to say that they are bad, right? Just say that they are good, that he is very good at it and say that you really want a quiet adventure to relax. Manipulation skills guys

They can ask for virtual arts and crafts adventures/rooms/or just objects to do it on the lobby. Virtual sewing can't be that hard (I believe that they can already draw)

Ask for beads and stuff to make friendship bracelets and accessories. Ragatha and Pomni friendship bracelets when

Ask for teddy bears or plushies. Or even make them by themselves with their arts and crafts materials. It sounds silly but everyone is bored and on the edge of madness here

They can ask for cooking minigames. Even though they can't eat them, it might be fun. I like cooking minigames. (Edit: I'm pretty sure that there is a short video made by glitch of Pomni eating a hamburger so I think it's possible to eat)

They can ask for Caine to let their rooms be customizable. Or maybe not, idk, Kaufmo scribbled all over the walls of his room, so maybe it's possible. I had this idea after seeing Pomni's room and thinking that I couldn't be comfortable in such a bright colored room, and it doesn't have a lot of color variation, it really bothers me. If the characters could draw they could put their drawings on the walls, and if they could do arts and crafts they could make little decorations for their rooms as well (they can already draw)

Gift eachother their arts and crafts

Make things from their life memories in those arts and crafts to always remember their past friends or who they are (and put them in their rooms)

Choose random days to do birthday parties, because even though they can't know what day it is or don't have any notion of time at all, they can still have fun

The parties don't even have to be birthdays. They can make parties just because.

Do surprise parties for eschother

Do a surprise party for Caine, it would be very unusual since he probably never got one and never felt the need for any (he's an AI but it's still funny (that's why it would be funny)) (he would get confused and yet flattered) (I swear he's not my favorite character even though I had mentioned him so many times in this post)

Make raves lmao (they can ask Caine for flashing lights) (and a dj table lmao) (and instruments in case they want to play something)

Ask for instruments and get together to make a band and play songs because it would be fun. Don't let Jax get anywhere near of them or else they will hear loud noises everyday for hours and hours (he would do this just to annoy the other characters). They can even play songs that they remember from their lives. Some of them might even know worldwide famous songs.

Dance to the songs that they sing

Whaf if they're allowed to practice ballet. What if they can dance flamenco. Waltz. It sounds fun

Ask for virtual cameras to take pics of themselves or things around them so that they can put them in their room

Do a group therapy (and don't include jax because he will certainly make fun of their troubles)

Parkour in the circus sounds fun too

Explore the outside part of the circus/the grounds and play with the things they have there (take a swim at the lake, go to the carnival, go to the forest etc)

Ask for Caine to make sport areas. I know that there will be a baseball in the next chapters but still.

Make picnics next to the lake, or inside the forest. Or even in the circus

Idk there is something about the "you are stuck with this outfit and appearance everyday" that does not fit well to me. The characters are already stuck in that world, but they can't even play dress up? I don't know if they chose their avatars before joining the circus, but if not, it must suck not being able to change your appearance in a digital world. I mean, look at Zooble there. If they can't change their bodies, can they at least wear something they want to express themselves in that limiting reality? If Caine is capable of making more body parts for Zooble, even if he got their problem wrong, he is capable of allowing the characters to paint their clothes in the colors they want or allow them to wear different things sometimes. (I wonder what would Caine answer after someone ask "can I change my avatar?", that is a genuine question of mine.)

What a lazy post. I'll add more later

[wonderful-magician]

OK do you ship dinahboose and if you do I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS. ( I saw you where analyzing ceeb’s characterization sooo) if not just use this as a free space to ramble about something else idk 💀

it is 1:am but I am so desperate to ramble and I also will take any excuse to draw any ship I like ever which is almost too many so excuse me if I sound nonsensical

^^!!

OKAY I LOVE DINAHBOOSE obv I've been into this musical for a total of 2 weeks or so- so I'm still scrounging every bit of Information on these guys that I can. And I've done wayyy more research on CB than I have Dinah ( he has a lot more to look at though ) but these two just make sense to me. They just make sense. Opposites but not opposites. They are confusing and they are both confused. But at least they can hold hands while confused.

Personally I struggle to ever hate or dislike ships unless there's like a blindingly obvious reason to dislike a ship. But dinahboose is probably my second favorite ship so far for StEx ( Electraboose has 1st place and Krupp/purse has 3rd )

Totally not gonna use this to talk about my personal rewrite of StEx.. specifically C.B. because I don't want to make a post just for it LMAO.

So yeah I've been basically studying C.B. ( or, I guess caboose because he hasn't been called C.B in a long time... but C.B has more personality.. ) and my version of C.B. is probably a horrible amalgamation of OLC and 2015 Bochum. Because I love radio aesthetics and the Dinah friendship but I also love the toy soldier aesthetic and absolutely batshit laugh ( I also love it when C.B. is played by somebody too flexible for their own good ) hes just a glorified circus clown on wheels with a radio set strapped to his head.

And I wish I could pretend that I understand cutting him but I do and I don't and I do. Because I honestly feel like C.B in the original does more than Electra lmao. But I don't think cutting people is the solution most the time tbh.

Okay onto more half asleep rambling that is likely to change because I'm still in the early stages of this rewrite. But. I recognize that C.B. has some issues. The one most of my friends point out is that he seemingly has no motive. He just... Is silly I guess. And I think this is a bit funny because I do like an antagonist with the motive of " it would be funny " , but at the same time. Kind of hard to make that character very ...er... Well I'll just say it does get a bit boring.

Something I also heard was that in the reasons C.B. has been cut was because caboose's aren't exactly used anymore, which is totally fair!

But could also totally be a motivation! Think about it, why is C.B still working? Still working with the freight despite essentially being useless? Because greaseball wants to keep him around to use him for cheating. Easy! Obviously none of this could easily be translated to the show. But for some comics/writings? Yes. Yes.

Think about it. Rusty is struggling, he feels a bit useless because steam is falling behind! So he tries to win and prove himself. But who else feels useless because of their job being replaced? C.B. but unlike rusty, C.B takes the other path, instead of trying to be a role model and win or prove himself. He just goes down the path of crime. And hey, he's probably a crazy adrenaline junky too so he's still doing it for the fun!

And why does he betray greaseball? Plenty of reasons. C.B might dislike greaseball because of poor treatment, he might dislikes greaseball for his treatment of Dinah, he probably just wants to get the adrenaline high of betraying him in the first place. Maybe to prove that he's important and needed because if he doesn't help, greaseball will lose. And he wants to hold it over him for his own personal desire of self importance. Who knows. He's a complicated little clown he is.

Ok anyway yeah I'm like the #3 Dinahboose supporter I will draw them more hehbehehehee

[capn-twitchery]

7 and 19 for your characters!

7. What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

twitch's way too big coat is my fav part of their design but it is also one of my least favourite parts to draw when i can't get it to look right

my fav part to draw on twitch is their expressions though!! the :3 mouth....the pointy eyebrows...i love it

my fav on grace on both counts is his sideburns i Love drawing them they are so silly (his frostbite scars are a close second. they're so small detail-wise but they are everything to me)

19. What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

for twitch, i love that they manage to surprise me, if that makes sense?? building & writing them has been so fun, it's felt like a morbid puzzle trying to fit all of the red honey stuff together & how it works. i am Always uncovering new stuff!! i can never predict how they'll react to certain situations til i have to dissect the reaction afterwards

the flipping between cartoonish bugs bunny-esque content and abject honey horror is just a fun side effect of this. it's great to work with i Really like doing it!! they're very fun to me

my least favourite is that they are fucking annoying. and they won't admit they have a single problem ok more seriously, they are difficult to write sometimes, especially if i want to write them Quickly (ingame letters. looking at you)

my favourite for grace is. i don't know he just makes me want to chew through a wall. i can't explain it. honestly i am just super proud of how his story has come together!! the arctic expedition tying with the nemesis stuff, the nemesis mission for a guy he never met, his 1 million guilt layers, whatever the hell he did with the sequence, going from lawful to. that. he is So Much. it was all an accident & i'm so happy with how it fit together

his worst trait is that it is so goddamn difficult to get him interacting with other characters!! he has no easy hook to meet anyone. he is quiet & a little boring (affectionate) so he's kinda difficult to meet & talk to. he is literally just a guy. i love that about him but oh my god grace

character asks

[sug01s3al]

I'm curious, you did say that you created puppet designs for the rest of the Spiritfarer cast correct? If so, 1) can we see them, and 2) will you ever revisit those designs one day to make them reality? Love the Gwen puppet by the way.

My sketchbook ended up being a total of 195 pages so I think I would explode my tumblr if I uploaded everything for every character plus the npc's 😅 But I can share a few of my favourites- granted the art is a year old at this point so don't judge too harshly I promise I can draw much better now ^u^

My design process basically went: pick a character -> make a moodboard -> sketch ideas & explanation -> puppet and puppeteer designs -> puppet schematics (this was only for a few of them that I had time to get to, I did get told off by my tutors for doing to much planning because I couldn't settle on who I wanted to actually build). Given the time and resources I'd love to revisit building one of them using what I learned but at the moment I am seeking theatre jobs (not too fabulous in my area sadly) so I only have my spare materials to work with at the moment and many sets of dice to make :'''). I still don't really know who I'd want to make though, even now they all seem so fun to make because not all of the puppets were in the style of Gwen's so each one poses a different challenge to tackle.

It goes without saying but spoilers for Spirit Farer below, ye have been warned~

I should also mention that with curriculum stuff I wasn't allowed to simply replicate the designs so you'll see quite a bit where I talk about changing and adapting the design for stage so if you wonder why its changed thats why :') (I'm aware Gwen doesn't really deviate much from her design but she was supposed to come with a fully sewn costume too which I sadly didn't have the time to make)

I was quite a big fan of the npc designs

Our boy Alex as imagined as a segmented puppet in the style of those wooden hand crank puppets. I think he'd be really easy to make in EVA I want to see if I can replicate the mechanism.

Hades was a particularly fun design to do too

I 100% am gonna reuse my design for Hades for an oc later down the line, that being said they already look a bit like a love child between my oc's Lazarus and Aster :''). I designed Hades to be a giant team puppet with the main actor (above design) pupeteering the head and voicing the character whilst the rest of the body was made up of actors who blended into the puppet whilst still having their own unique costumes. Hades is by far my biggest design, in scale and also with the amount of actors playing him because I really wanted to get that omnipotent, ethereal, imposing vibe down.

As for individual puppeteer designs :3 ->

I won't bore you with the character analysis pages for Jackie but he had a similar puppet design to Gwen.

(That is gold ink on the final page I promise you 😅)

Controversial opinion but I actually love Bruce and Mickey, I know they're the heels (well Bruce at least) but they're such a brilliantly layered character which is probably why his design got a lot more analysis then some. My thoughts are mostly there on my notes but I'll write it out so you don't have to squint at my awful handwriting. Bruce and Mickey are another really interesting character in that Mickey isn't really there at all (spoilers) as Mickey passed away in an accident before Bruce did so as Bruce takes focus in the game (speaking for both and doing the character interactions) I wanted him to be centre stage as the only puppeteer. Mickey's death was in a car accident that left him in a coma, if i remember correctly, Bruce blames himself for so I had this idea for the puppeteer (just like Bruce in game) to literally carry the Mickey puppet around the stage like a physical burden, a physical manifestation that the pain of carrying his brother's death weighs on him. And this idea of a struggle of grief, paired with Mickey being represented by a bull gave way to the idea for their puppeteers costume design being inspired by a bull fighter, a hybrid behind this teddy-boy greaser and bull fighter - of course the colours being big and bright and bold as their personalities.

Cw: Cancer. For Summer I wanted to use a lot of organic colours, shapes and textures within the puppet and costume design because of her love of nature and gardening (I still tear up everytime I play for my crops and she isn't there playing along). Summer, as mentioned in the game, was the girlfriend of Stella's Aunt Rose and inspired Stella's nursing career after witnessing her battle with cancer; in her minigame event you face off against a giant serpent that is 'infected' in a way, it has veins of ores running through it symbolic of the cancer running through her body. Which is why for her puppet design (a long with being able to conveniently hide how she moves) I wanted her puppet to be literally intertwined with her costume. The Klimpt inspiration for her scales I can't really tell you why I picked that other than Klimpt is one of my favourite artists and I thought the organic shapes and motifs in his work would suit her :').

Plans for Buck, my best friend.

Stanley I would say was the closest competition to Gwen and probably the one I would want to make the most if I was able to pick this back up. He was designed to be a smaller marionette style puppet so you could get those large, exaggerated, energetic movements from him that you do in game (for reference he does a lot of bouncing and jumping along with launching himself at Stella when he hugs her which is absolutely adorable). Like Buck, Stanley was planned to be a mixed material puppet, mostly cuddle fleece for body with different textures for the embellishments, like mushroom gills and his spot patterns. It was important to me to try and have an element of sympathetic movement in each design so the puppet was constantly moving in someway. Bonus picture of the costume design ideas for his puppeteer- if it wasn't feasible to have him as a separate puppet I liked the idea of Jacob (his pet beetle) being included in the design somehow which ended up being either as a hair pin or brooch :3.

I'll finish off with Stanley, I have designs for Daria, Astrid, Giovani, Alice and Atul but I'm not as happy with the old art so I'm not going to post it. The Beverly update hadn't been released at the time of this project so she never got a design :')

As for who I wouldn't make it would have to be Atul- for as much as I adore his character and love the design I drew for him having to have a giant Atul hanging around my house would make me sad, he makes me feel like this

That being said I do have the plush of him sat on my bed rn :')

I could keep yapping but this post is long enough lol

Also merry christmas everyone!!

[antebellumite]

For fun fic Friday:

i’m curious on how you came up with everyone’s typing (alpha/omega/etc) & all or you can answer anything else about it :3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/55893184

Sorry for responding to this a day late! (fun fic friday is still ongoing btw. for me.)

For everyone's types...

John C Calhoun & Henry Clay & Daniel Webster (omega - alpha - beta): I really really wanted each of the triumvirs to represent one of the three omegaverse castes. jcc had to be an omega because omegas = minority and calhoun -> minority rights. also i liked the idea of people harassing him for being an omega. clay's an alpha because something something about alphas being coded as very self assuredly masculine, which clay fits with his sociable personality and pomp. webster's a beta because that's the third option that's left. Henry Wise (alpha): characterized by physical force, aggression, but also like clay -- a sort of self-confident dominance that can only come with being an alpha. Benjamin Brown French (alpha): i wrote him as being very bunny-core in the fic, very weepy and naive, so him being an alpha... mm. juxtaposition! also the plot kind of hinges on him being an alpha so. William Preston & the surnamed Calhounites and the rest of the congress (betas and alphas): i want to limit the amount of omegas in congress because of their rareity, so most of congress is just alphas or betas as mentioned before. John Clayton (beta or alpha): what are you a cop....i realized rereading tpsg that i didn't give him any indicator for if he's an alpha or beta. so idk Andrew Jackson (beta): easy. betas are the most common and populous of the three omegaverse types, which melds well with jackson's 'man of the common people' populism shtick. you KNOW he'd utilize that! Thomas Benton and Robert Hayne (alphas): alphas come in all shapes and sizes, sometimes they're very manly buff bulls, other times they're twinks who you could easily mistake to be omegas if you were just relying on stereotypes Martin Van Buren (beta): not as outwardly dominant as an alpha, but like jackson, still riding on that populist sentiment of the antebellum period. in addition, beta attitude of neutrality.... fits in with van buren's theme of staying in the background as the best way to Get things Done Floride Calhoun (beta): she's a proper southern lady! being a beta carries a slightly better taste in antebellum society's mouths i think than omega women while also being less... Threatening (?) than alpha women... unfortunately for everyone, mpreg jcc in this specific scenerio at least-- is where i draw the line. John Quincy Adams (omega): i liked the idea of there being mpreg jqa corrupt bargain cartoons. sue me. also omega quincy could give the man sooo many more complexes regarding his family and his overachieverness.... you knwo what i mean.

Bonus:

john randolph of roanoke (alpha, and yes, hormonal imbalance still fucks that up for him): the randolph clan of virginia is INFAMOUS for being GENTRY and PROUD and SELFASSURED in their MASCULINITY and POWER.... literally the only thing they could have been is alpha.

the schuyler family (betas): A sense of societal power but of course, not as flamboyant as the randolphs. They're up north, respectable, recognizable, and still proud though. Other Information:

I actually did a tremendous amount of research for... I think the winter of 1833 or 34 to try and make sure all the Congressmen mentioned would actually be in Washington City for the time period. I don't remember the specifics now lol

The fic as a whole was going to be a lot shorter but BBF and Wise were just so darn fun write! I loved French's misunderstandings and I loved writing them and the banter between the politicians

"But French recognized the voice. And the cranium outline, but mainly the voice." is one of the best two lines I've written and I will stand by that.

The uh. biological and societal exposition makes me cringe when I reread it. But i don't have the heart to delete it either

The scents i gave each of hte characters were fun. mostly it was just pulling from Smells that i think Resemble them and have On the Nose meaning.

i was planning to include nicholas biddle but I COULD NOT decide on if he should be alpha beta or omega.

I really like to reread this fic ngl. One of my best.

[darkfictionjude]

I just wanted to say that I really love your writing!! The way you capture the feeling of living in a broken home for example, or the struggle with mental health, really resonates. It's not easy to nail such complex and difficult topics, so i really admire your skill. Also, the friendgroup interactions are so fun! The way their personalities bounce off each other and their individual dynamics and how Crowny is experiencing the wonders of friendship for the first time😪🥹I've only found your story yesterday but if anything happens to this little group of Scooby Doo's, it's on😤(even though i am 90% sure it will all fall apart terribly and I will cry in a corner, but one can hope!!)

Anyways I also love how you write Crowny!! Their struggles with mental health and family problems are written in such a relatable way, and just them as a person is fascinating, I love an unreliable narrator and mysteries.

And, of course, Crowny's funny and my favourite menace. And this might be niche, but i think it's also super impressive that your teenager characters actually read like teenagers. Like Imre (my impression of him, at least); even though he is this manipulative schemer with 1000 layers of secrets, he's also still a 19 year old boy and in high-school, and that shows in the way he interacts with the team and the world, if that makes sense!

I could go on about all the other aspects of the game that have me in a chokehold, but i don't want to clog your askbox with like 5 more paragraphs of my ravings🧘‍♀️know that i am rotating your story inside my mind and crearing so many little silly drawings to deal with my excitement🙏🖍🖍🖍

On a more serious note, thank you for witing this story and sharing it!! I hope you continue having as much fun creating it as I have reading it, even though writing can be really quite rough sometimes🫶 and i also hope you're doing well and experience many of moments of joy! <3

(ps: and I'm really sorry if some of what i wrote was hard to understand, English isn't my first language and my sentences are always too long when I'm excited😪🙆‍♀️)

Yeah I’m happy my teenagers feel like teenagers cause it’s a pet peeve of mine to have them talk and act as if they’re 25

Also another nickel for apologizing for what I consider to be great English 😘

I’m happy I get messages where people love every one in my discount scooby gang, I find that it’s either they only like one or they hate everyone

Thank you 💜

[platoapproved]

Where did you get the inspiration for lestat in “even the iron still fears the rot”?

Specifically ch 1/3: “He muddled through all on his own. He let his body be his guide, taking note of every instinct and working back from there.”/“But he bore it. What other choice did he have?”/“Lestat was tired of memory and suffering; it was not like him to wallow. He had always before found some way to wrench happiness from the unfeeling world. He was ready to laugh again, to frolic, to rejoice.”/“Lestat did not often dwell on his own poor choices. He did what he believed was best in the moment—often without a great deal of forethought—and dealt with the consequences, whatever they might be. An easy philosophy to champion when the punishment landed on him alone.”/“Could he have prevented this, if he had just been honest?”/“What a fool he’d been.”/“Never again would he play Cinderella’s stepsister, lopping off parts of himself to fit someone else’s impossibly small slipper.”/“He was going to suck every last drop of happiness from the world, and damn anyone who tried to stop him.”

Some of these feel obvious, but i would still love to hear your process of writing!

GOSH this is very flattering, anon! I will do my best to answer thoroughly, though with many of these I'm not really drawing on specific canon moments...

“He muddled through all on his own. He let his body be his guide, taking note of every instinct and working back from there.”

A lot of what I wanted to do in this fic is kind of explore Lestat's first days as a vampire in a way that marries what he described in the TV adaptation and what is there in The Vampire Lestat. In the book, Magnus gives at least a few instructions before his suicide; in the show Lestat says he didn't tell him about vampire physiology and gave him 'no rules, no counsel'. So I thought, if the latter is true, how did Lestat figure out how to survive in those first few days? He would've had hints from observing Magnus - drinking blood, hunting at night etc. - but the rest he would just need to figure out on the fly. Lack of education is a really big and sensitive topic in Lestat's life, and that applies to surviving as a vampire as much as it does to reading.

“But he bore it. What other choice did he have?”

Another thing I wanted to TRY to show was how Lestat becomes the person we see him being in season 1 of the show. Like, a trajectory from the rather sweet generous naive human guy he is early in TVL to the jaded, guarded, selfish, hedonistic, human-hating sadist he is in New Orleans. He tells Louis and Claudia that he didn't want to be a vampire or feed on people, that he was repulsed by it early on. So this is showing him at that stage, still seeing his human victims as people and horrified to take their lives, in a way that mirrors Louis later on. This is the starting point, to give contrast when his opinions start to change.

“Lestat was tired of memory and suffering; it was not like him to wallow. He had always before found some way to wrench happiness from the unfeeling world. He was ready to laugh again, to frolic, to rejoice.”

IWTV is so fascinating to me in part because it shows how different people react to trauma in radically different ways. At this point, Lestat is in such a bad place, but his way of handling it is to throw himself into denial and hedonism. It puts him in an interesting place to see Armand as this fun sexy stranger who is something to focus on to avoid thinking about everything that happened with Magnus and how his life is falling apart. That's an interesting ground, to me, for the very start of their relationship: Lestat seeing Armand as a means to an end (a self-indulgent distraction) rather than... a person with his own perspective and needs and experience, etc.

“Lestat did not often dwell on his own poor choices. He did what he believed was best in the moment—often without a great deal of forethought—and dealt with the consequences, whatever they might be. An easy philosophy to champion when the punishment landed on him alone.”

Lestat is impulsive. He acts without thinking and sometimes that is hilarious and sometimes it is..... not. This is, to me, the core of Lestat as a character. I like the idea of him being aware of it, but also having no inclination to change.

“Could he have prevented this, if he had just been honest?"

In a rare moment, Lestat is blaming himself unnecessarily. Honestly, the Children of Darkness were going to come after him one way or another. Him telling Nicki that he was turned imho wouldn't have prevented Armand's actions...

“What a fool he’d been.”

This is where Lestat's hurt over Nicki is starting to calcify into some pretty toxic beliefs about relationships. Lestat considered Nicki's needs above his own while he was alive and Nicki secretly resented it; Lestat regrets not spending more of his mortal life looking after his own happiness and is bitter over prioritizing his lover. So this is Lestat looking at all that and telling himself 'it's foolish to deny yourself things if it will make your lover happy, you should put yourself first always'. So much of how he mistreats Louis is a response to his relationship with Nicki imho and I wanted to show those threads.

“Never again would he play Cinderella’s stepsister, lopping off parts of himself to fit someone else’s impossibly small slipper.”

More of the same as the last quote, really. In some ways, Lestat's commitment to be 100% himself without censorship or shame is a wonderful thing. But he's also starting to associate... any kind of compromise or accommodation of a partner as mutilating himself. Positioning getting everything he wants and doing whatever he wants as his own safety / wholeness. Especially in this last chapter, I wanted it to be romantic but also for the reader to hopefully get a sense of... it's moving past liberation and self-acceptance and into deep selfishness and a refusal to acknowledge that the needs of others matter.

“He was going to suck every last drop of happiness from the world, and damn anyone who tried to stop him."

This also is along that same theme: Lestat is re-evaluating his private entertainment and joy and freedom as the most important thing in the world, regardless of how cruel or selfish it may make him to others. He's not going to be mourning over the humans he eats or making compromises etc. But also... I feel like a lot of what I'm saying in this post is underlining the negative, because I feel like that's the easier bit to overlook in the context of the fic. But... Lestat living to the fullest and embracing his life as a vampire is also kind of a good thing! Him wanting to look after his own happiness is not bad! It's just... he takes it too far, and there are consequences.

This is very long winded and probably not nearly as articulate or as insightful as you might have wished but I hope it is at least a little interesting to you, anon!