#at least have a desperate montage of them trying and failing?

[theeborealowl]

Anyone else get viscerally upset about the end of Kipo?

[jeicey]

How about an evie x reader where evie is trying to get with reader just how she was with chad. Except reader isn’t a jerk, just clueless

Her Oblivious Charming

Evie x Charming!Fem!Reader

Summary: Where Evie tries to charm Cinderella's daughter, not knowing you're an oblivious idiot.

Words: 2.3k

WARNINGS:Oblivious!reader, Chad is your brother, Mention of bugs, not proofread and rushed ending.

A/N:Y'ALL THE EVIE REQUESTS MIGHT BE DELAYED 'CAUSE SCHOOL IS COMING UP AND I HAVE TO GET READYY, I'M SO SORRY OMG. ANYWAY, I loved writing this tysm for the request, also ty for prompt writers, they're my saving grace fr.

"Any chance she's in line for a throne?" Evie inquired, her head tilted sideways as she leaned on her knuckles, her gaze fixed dreamily on you. "Anywhere in line?" she continued, her eyes wide with fascination. You, oblivious to the conversation, were grappling with a complex science equation, your pen poised above the paper as you furrowed your brow in concentration.

Doug followed Evie's line of sight with a raised eyebrow. "Y/N, Princess Charming, Cinderella's daughter?" Evie's head snapped up, a brilliant smile lighting her face

"Y/N inherited the charm, but not a lot of there, there, know what I mean...?" Doug trailed off, gesturing vaguely. Their attention returned to you as you winced and rubbed your nose after accidentally tossing your pen in the air and catching it with your face.

"Looks like there-there to me," Evie sighed dreamily, returning her head to her knuckles. "Any chance she's single?" she asked, her voice soft and hopeful as she turned to Doug.

Doug exhaled slowly. "Despite living up to her last name, she's never had a romantic partner," he admitted, continuing to scribble on his paper. "At least, not that I know of," he added as an afterthought.

Perfect. Evie loved a challenge.

She was wrong.

You weren't single because you were guarded,commitment-phobic,

or anything like that.

The truth was far simpler: you were clueless.

No offense, but you were an absolute oblivious idiot.

She let out a frustrated sigh, collapsing onto the side of her bed. The memory of her failed flirtation attempts replayed in her mind like a painful montage.

There was that time in science class, for instance. Partners for a project, where she saw her chance.

[ The science lab was a cacophony of bubbling liquids and crackling test tubes. As you bent over a Bunsen burner, carefully heating a test tube, Evie’s voice cut through the lab’s hum.

"There's something on your face," Evie's gaze was fixed on your face, her lips curved into a subtle smirk as she hovered a hand near your cheek.

Your head snapped up, your face flushing with a mix of embarrassment and panic. "What?" you managed to squeak out.

Her lips curved into a sly smile as she started, "Beautifu-" but before she could finish, your brain had already processed the word "something" as a code red for "bug." Terror seized you, you were terrified of bugs.

"Is it a bug?! GET IT OFF, WAIT!" you shrieked, your hands flailing wildly as you tried to dislodge the imaginary insect.

Your desperate attempts to rid your face of the nonexistent bug sent your elbow crashing into a shelf of glassware. Test tubes, flasks, and beakers rained down, shattering on the unforgiving tile floor. A cloud of white smoke rose from a broken container, setting off the fire alarm.

Evie's smirk vanished, replaced by a mixture of amusement and disbelief. She glanced at Doug, who was silently contemplating the ceiling, his palm pressed dramatically against his face.

That’s how their science project ended in disaster, earning them both a failing grade and a week of detention. It was also Evie’s unfortunate discovery of your knee deep(IN THE PASSENGER SEATT) fear of bugs.]

Undeterred, she tried again.

[After enduring a week of detention and her relentless, albeit unsuccessful, flirtations, Evie finally asked you out—a walk outside that is. You interpreted it as a purely platonic gesture, of course.

Under the night sky, during a post-detention walk, she took a chance, Evie turned to you with a hopeful glint in her eye. "My hands are a bit cold, " she said, her voice soft. "Would you mind holding them?" Her hands rubbed together dramatically.The classic move, she thought, a smirk tugging at her lips.

To her surprise, you took her hand. Her heart pounded in her chest. This was it, the moment she'd been waiting for.

But instead of the anticipated warmth of your hand, she felt the rough texture of fabric. There you pulled out a pair of mittens out of God knows where and slipped it on her hand

Where the hell did that come from?

"Here, you can take my gloves," you said with a completely innocent smile. You carefully fitted the mittens onto her hand, your touch gentle. It took a full five minutes of awkward fumbling before both mittens were securely in place.

She managed a small “thanks” as she tried to hide her flushed face. No! You were supposed to be the flustered one, not her!

And so, they continued walking. Plan failed, spectacularly? Well, at least she’d had her first physical contact with you. She’d take it.]

"At this point you'd have to be pretending not to know," Evie sighs a hint of exasperation coloring her voice as she pushed herself up from the bed, her body still bearing the imprint of the soft mattress. Her hand instinctively reached for the hand mirror lying beside her, and she began to fuss with her hair to fix it, the disarray a reflection of her internal frustration.

"Right?" Evie started, her words hanging in the air as her reflection revealed Mal, sprawled out on the bed in a deep slumber. An exasperated roll of her eyes followed, and she brought a finger to her lips in an attempt to fix the smudged lipstick. Her voice was muffled by the gesture as she muttered, "Very helpful." The sudden, forceful intrusion of their dorm room door startled her.

Didn't they lock the door?

The door swung open, revealing you in an oversized jacket, your face etched with panic. Your left hand gripped a key tightly.

Evie, still preoccupied with her hand mirror, glanced up, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Is that a key to...our dorm?" she questioned, her voice laced with confusion.

You nodded frantically, your urgency palpable. "My brother— it doesn't matter. You have to help me!" Your words tumbled out in a rush as you darted towards Evie, your foot catching something on the floor, causing you to stumble.

"You know how to sew, right?" You breathed out sharply, landing on Evie's bed with a bounce.

Evie's eyebrows shot up in question. "Yeah, why— hey!" Her hands instinctively flew to your chest as you began to unzip your hoodie with surprising urgency. She'd love to get there, but not so soon!

"No, my— blouse, I broke it!" Your explanation was breathless and rushed. The hoodie finally fell open, revealing a cream-colored blouse with three missing buttons.

Evie swallowed hard, hergaze flickering away from the slight exposure of your cleavage. "R-right, of course," she coughed, trying to regain her composure.

"My brother, I—this is his blouse," you stammered, your voice barely audible. "I need to get it fixed now before he sees it and tells Mom! He's looking for me right now! And if I—"

Evie's hand gently covered yours, silencing your frantic words. Her touch was surprisingly calming, grounding you amidst the chaos of your thoughts. With a steady exhale, she removed your hands from your face and placed them gently on your lap.

"Alright, calm down," she said, her voice firm yet soothing. "I'm going to get my sewing kit."

Rising from the bed, Evie walked towards a cluttered table overflowing with sketches and fabric scraps. After a brief search, she returned with a small box and sat down on the bed.

"Can you..." Evie began, her voice barely a whisper. Her gaze flickered between the damaged blouse and your expectant face. You tilted your head, curiosity evident in your eyes. She knew what she wanted to say, a simple request to make her task easier. But the image of you without the blouse flashed through her mind, and a blush crept up her cheeks. The distraction would be too much. With a frustrated sigh, she abandoned the thought. "Nevermind," she concluded.

Your impatience was growing by the second. "Please hurry," you pleaded, your voice rising slightly. Your hands fidgeted nervously in your lap.

She nodded in agreement and gently lifted the lid of the sewing kit box. With practiced hands, she rummaged through the assortment of supplies until she found a button that perfectly matched the color of the blouse. Carefully selecting a needle of suitable size and a length of matching thread, she gathered her tools. Leaning in closer, she gently grasped the loose placket of your brothers blouse with her thumb, steadying the fabric as she prepared to sew the button securely in place.

Your breath caught in your throat as you became acutely aware of Evie's proximity. Her warm breath fanned across your collarbone, sending shivers down your spine. Her concentration was intense, her eyebrows drawn together in a furrow, but her eyes held a captivating allure that you hadn't noticed before. Their rich, brown color was like melted chocolate, flecked with golden specks.

Your gaze darted away, desperate for a distraction. The room, once neutral, had transformed into a suffocating chamber.

Your hands, seeking an anchor, found their way to the bed sheet, gripping it tightly as if it were a lifeline. A wave of relief washed over you as Evie momentarily broke the intense proximity, her head turning to retrieve another button.

Tick

Tock

The ticking of the clock, normally a soothing rhythm, now seemed to mock your escalating discomfort. It was as if the universe was conspiring against you.

Evie's voice, soft and laced with genuine concern, pierced through your turmoil. Her honey-brown eyes, filled with empathy, met yours, and in that moment, you felt exposed and vulnerable. A strangled sob threatened to escape your lips, but you managed to suppress it, replacing it with a shaky exhale. Your grip on the bed sheet tightened, a desperate attempt to ground yourself. A feeble excuse formed on your lips, a claim of oppressive heat, which Evie accepted with a sympathetic murmur.

As she moved to the third button, a knot of anticipation formed in your stomach. Her fingers brushed against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. The delicate tendrils of her dark blue hair grazed your chin, carrying the intoxicating scent of mint that seemed to seep into your senses. Unconsciously, you leaned in, drawn to her comforting aroma as if it were a lifeline in a stormy sea.

"There, all do-" Evie announced triumphantly, her face breaking into a smile as she looked up at you. Unprepared for the sight of you leaning in so closely, her eyes widened in surprise. Every thought in her mind evaporated, replaced by a single, overwhelming impulse, as your eyes locked onto hers - a desire, a pull, a magnetic force drawing her closer. Her heart pounded in her ears as she tilted her head, her gaze dropping to your lips. Their lips were mere inches apart and then—

BAM!

The abrupt crash of the dorm door against the wall jolted them apart, their hearts pounding in their ears.

"You two idiots! They were about to kiss!" Mal's voice, laced with irritation, cut through the silence. Your heads snapped in her direction to find her sitting nonchalantly on her bed, a pillow clutched in her hands.

A wave of embarrassment washed over you both as you realized she'd witnessed the entire ordeal. Your mind raced, trying to decipher how long she'd been awake and if she'd seen the desperate grip you'd had on the bedsheet earlier.

"Mal – oh, why's she here?" Carlos's voice echoed through the room as he stumbled in, Jay trailing behind him. Jay caught the pillow Mal had tossed in his direction and hurled it back at her in playful retaliation.

Mal caught the pillow with a practiced ease, her eyes rolling as she regarded the newcomers.

"They were about to kiss," she repeated, a smirk playing on her lips.

"We weren't!" you stammered, your voice barely a whisper, but your words were cut short by the sharp, insistent sound of your brother's voice calling your name. Your heart pounded in your chest as his voice grew closer, the panic rising within you. "You guys have to hide me!" you pleaded, your voice rising in desperation.

"Come on." Evie's hand found yours, her grip firm and reassuring as she pulled you towards the closet. Together, you squeezed into the cramped space, your bodies pressed close together, as Mal quickly shut the closet door, muffling the sounds of the approaching chaos.

A low, indistinct voice, muffled by an intervening barrier, reached your ears. It was your brother's voice, inquiring about your presence.

"I heard her voice!" Chad exclaimed, his tone filled with alarm. "Did you kidnap my sister?!"

Mal's response was swift and defensive. "Why would we kidnap your sister?"

Their voices began to fade as Evie's fingers gently turned your head, forcing you to face her.

"Be honest, do you know?" Evie inquired softly, her face partially illuminated by the dim glow seeping from outside the closet. Her voice was as gentle as a whisper.

"Know what?"

A playful chuckle escaped her lips as she placed her hands on your shoulders. "That I like you, Dummy."

Your mind raced as you tried to process her confession. "You do? But I like you too! I thought you liked my brother, because I overheard you and Doug talking about a charming sibling, and I- I thought you were straight becau-" Your stammering attempt at explanation was abruptly halted as Evie's lips met yours.

Surprise washed over you, but you instinctively responded to the warmth of her kiss. Her hands found your waist, pulling you closer as your knees threatened to buckle. The taste of cherry lip balm lingered on your tongue, Your heart pounded in your chest, sending a rush of excitement through your body that felt like a cascade of fireworks exploding within your stomach.

"You're an oblivious idiot." She chuckled, pulling away from the kiss with a playful smile. Her eyes sparkled as she took a moment to admire yours, her hands gently cupping your cheeks. She leaned in slowly, savoring the moment before kissing you again.

"I'm your oblivious idiot."

Can you tell the ending is rushed? ;)

[robynrocksforbrains]

I love you ×9

Ok so I am probably not the first person to notice this or point it out since I've only been a byler for like six months... BUT I did maybe go a little crazy about this. So I'm gonna talk about it.

So a few days ago I was thinking about the mlvn endgame argument "well Mike said 'I love you' nine times". And like, first of all, saying "I love you" doesn't undo a year's worth of deliberate lying and miscommunication. That's not how relationships work. Their issues are still very much real and very much not going anywhere because they're not even TRYING to do anything about them. But also... I was thinking: why nine times? Why that number specifically? Was it just random? Is there maybe anything to indicate that nine is significant? Is there maybe a scene in the first episode of s4 that tells us how we should react to the monologue?

So, the DND basketball montage. Great stuff. Amazing foreshadowing. Everyone loved it.

I got to thinking about it. Decided I needed to know what Mike's roll was. I kinda spiraled about it on twitter because I could not see it clearly and I couldn't tell if it was an eight or nine. Desperate times called for desperate measures so I recorded my tablet with my phone and found the perfect frame.

IT'S A NINE

CLEAR AS DAY! IT'S A NINE! GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!

Anyway, I don't know how DND works. I don't know why this roll evoked the reaction it did from the party - most significantly, Mike's very disgruntled reaction (I don't mean The Party™ I just mean literally the party that is playing this campaign) I genuinely don't know what the fuck is going on in this game. But what I do know is they wanted us to associate this roll with failure. That's why it corresponds with a missed basket in the basketball game. That's why Eddie gets this ooo that sucks for you guys look on his face. That's why we hear a chorus of "nooo" from the party. That's why Mike says "no no no" and looks extremely upset. I don't know anything about DND, but I can read context clues.

So I'm not going to try to understand what's going on in the game, I'm just gonna go off what I think they wanted us to subconsciously pick up on.

So they show us all of this. They associate Mike with the number nine in the first episode and then that number shows up AGAIN in the last episode.

The monologue cannot be associated with anything but failure. Whether that be mlvns failing relationship, or their very real failure to save Max (at least before El revived her), and their failure to save Hawkins. The monologue does not stand apart from that. It is completely interwoven with these failures. If you have average media literacy, you know that. Even before I was aware of just how important byler is to this entire story, before I was aware that they've been setting up byler endgame since day one, you would never catch me thinking that the monologue was supposed to be received positively by the audience. You would never catch me saying mlvns love saved the world. (Although that's because I genuinely forgot about mlvn a few weeks after I watched s4). I think I received the monologue in the way it was intended to be received. I didn't fully understand it, or why they would execute it the way they did, but I still received it in the way I believe it was intended to be.

So I know the general agreement among bylers is that the monologue kinda sealed the deal for mlvn bones. Like I'm not saying anything new really. But I genuinely do think that Mike's roll in episode one, the reactions to it, and the missed shot it corresponds with were meant to foreshadow the monologue and how they wanted the audience to receive it.

This is fiction, everything means something. Everything is thought of. The timer (and maybe scores, I genuinely can't remember) in the basketball game had significance. Other rolls in the DND game had significance. Why would that be any different for Mike? Especially when his roll was a nine and that number shows up for him again when he says "I love you" nine times. And both of these things are associated with failure.

Not that we need any other reason to interpret the monologue as a less than good thing. It's just the way that it is, it's pretty easy to figure out how they wanted us to take it. But they still did give us a hint. I think it's really cool.

[greenlantern94to04]

Green Lantern #49 (February 1994)

"EMERALD TWILIGHT," Part 2! Hal Jordan has gone so far off the deep end that he's started imitating one of history's most infamous monsters: Ringo Starr. After the events of last issue, a pissed-off Hal is speeding towards planet Oa to give his bosses, the Guardians of the Universe, a piece of (what's left of) his mind. The Guardians try to stop Hal by deploying formidable Green Lanterns like, uh, this red guy and that purple girl.

Hal brutally whoops their asses and steals their GL rings to become more powerful; if he manages to nab 3597 more rings, he can become a One Man Green Lantern Corps. Hal's dangerous bling addiction even leads him to fight Lanterns he personally recruited into the Corps, like Tomar-Tu (the guy with the bird face who doesn't sound like Geoffrey Rush) and Boodikka, a fierce warrior who refuses to let go of her ring... so Hal just chops her hand off. I like to imagine a Green Lantern from some sort of phallus-shaped alien race turning around at this point and going home.

Meanwhile, in Oa, the Guardians seem pretty confident that one of their "servants" will stop Hal, but their arrogance starts evaporating with every ring he steals. Ganthet, paradoxically the least dickish of the Guardians despite being the only one wearing a ponytail, has some sort of secret plan for how they could "preserve themselves" if all else fails. At first, the others just mock him (for his plan, not the ponytail), but as Hal gets closer, they get nervous and start preparing for Ganthet's plan, whatever it is.

Hal finally reaches Oa and faces one of his best friends, Kilowog, the most distinguished trainer of the Green Lantern Corps and the Justice League's one-time handyman. Hal reminds his former mentor that he's got like ten rings by now, but Kilowog defiantly says, "Didn't I teach ya nothing? It's the warrior, not his weapons."

As it turns out, nope, it's the weapons, because Hal defeats Kilowog too within one page. With no one else around to stop him, Hal heads for the Central Power Battery -- literally, a giant battery that powers every GL ring in the universe, and now Hal wants that power to himself (I guess stealing it from here is easier than figuring out how to wear 3600 rings on his fingers). However, the Guardians still have an ace up their oversized sleeves. A hooded figure walks out of the battery, and the final page reveals that it's the other "greatest Green Lantern ever" who went rogue: Sinestro! A villain so heinous that the Guardians executed him for "crimes against the universe," causing his soul to get trapped inside the Central Battery.

Yes, the Guardians are so desperate that they're willing to give a GL ring to a guy whose name means "evil" and who has tried to kill them multiple times in the past. Interesting tactic. Will it pay off?!

NEXT ISSUE: It doesn't pay off.

Plotline-Watch:

When Sinestro is revealed at the end, we also find out that he'd been narrating the issue, which gives a double reading to lines like: "Were he not blinded by his obsession, would these acts wreak havoc on his conscience? I rather like to think so." That almost sounds like Sinestro's version of the Joker's "Far too late" moment from The Killing Joke.

The fight with Kilowog could be seen as another callback to Emerald Dawn, Hal's origin story, since that contained a montage of 'Wog training Hal when he was a rookie... by making him balance rocks and catch eggs in the air and stuff. Would have been funny if Hal and Kilowog's dramatic face-off in this issue had consisted of an egg-catching contest. To the death.

Ganthet the Least Dickish Guardian first appeared in 1992's Green Lantern: Ganthet's Tale graphic novel by Larry Niven and John Byrne, which establishes that 1) he once drove himself insane by looking at the beginning of the universe, and 2), perhaps related to the above, he has a fondness for human fashion. Ganthet had appeared in exactly two issues of the regular series before this one, but he'll appear a lot more often and have plenty more chances to show off his fashion sense after this.

Also in Ganthet's Tale, Hal learns the "forbidden knowledge" that the end and the beginning of the universe are linked together, which the other Guardians would have erased from his mind if Ganthet hadn't protected him. Not only will this little bit of trivia come in pretty handy for Hal as he starts toying with cosmic forces in the near future, but also, looking at the final panels in the graphic novel, Hal's comments about being disappointed in the Guardians' lies almost feel like a teaser for Emerald Twilight (which, again, was definitely not being planned in '92).

Question for the Hal Jordan veterans in the comments (hi, Neil): was the idea that wearing more GL rings makes you more powerful already a thing before this issue? Seems like something a villain would have exploited by now. Or did Hal change how the rings work through sheer force of will?

Guy-Watch:

Meanwhile, in Guy Gardner's corner of the GL universe: the Guy Gardner series officially becomes Guy Gardner: Warrior with #17, which sees the debut of Guy's new moniker and his shorter, non-Moe hairdo. Plus, artist Mitch Byrd!

In this issue, Guy finally works up the nerve to go back home and tell his abusive dad what he thought of him, only to find out that he died shortly after his brother Mace committed suicide. Both were assholes, but that's still pretty rough. Then, he's attacked by Militia, the armored loon we met last issue. The fight ends when Guy's yellow power ring (which, incidentally, used to belong to Sinestro) suddenly stops working, but luckily, Militia's armor happens to malfunction at the same time and he's ran over by a truck.

Huh, curious that Militia has ginger hair too. Probably a coincidence. To be continued!

[stuffnonsenseandotherthings]

Cupid's Last Wish Episode 8 - Watch It Or Drop It Challenge

A moment of silence hurts rather than heals.

Win and Korn being forced to forgo verbal communication and rely only on non-verbal cues. An excellent suggestion from the final monk but unfortunately the misunderstanding between the two of them is so strong (and is so strongly linked to the mismatch between Win's self and his current physical reality) that even the open, honest physical dues are completely misread.

Win so strongly believes Korn loves Lin that it's invading his dreams.

THEY KISSED THEY KISSED AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Unfortunately even written communication fails in the face of Win's now intense dysphoria.

Win has fully given Korn up.

Oh damn Aunty has decided potential murder is the way. I'm actually pleasantly surprised to see Uncle standing up for.... well standing up for not indirectly killing their nephew.

Watching Korn desperately try to revive Win only to eventually just break down and hold him close was truly heartbreaking.

WinLin is BACK and now we also have LinWin

Jan and Mix do so well with their shared roles, I'm so impressed with both of them.

Win is saying goodbye to Korn, and with it comes a goodbye montage.

Seeing the siblings reunite was so sweet and gave much needed depth to their relationship. Previously all we'd really been shown was Win shouting and Lin crying and while it's clear through Win's actions on the trip that he cares about her, it's nice to finally have something concrete.

And they're back in their own bodies!

The body swap drama has finally come to an end which means, I assume, we're going to be focussing on the misunderstandings that arose from it and tying up the farm drama. Can't say I'm super excited to be going back to the plotline I'm probably least invested in but I'm still damn invested in Win and Korn and Lin so let's keep up with this watch.

Watch It Or Drop It Masterpost.

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x08 Review

Most Likely To was the best ep of S2 so far and ended one ship while launching another. Let’s dig in!

Gaston was super fun, a very nice showcase for both Larry and Matt. This is the kind of energy that early S2 was lacking. Also feels like the first ep where East High might actually have a shot at beating North High. Covid restrictions played a role but we really needed to see more rehearsal scenes and scenes of the wildcats just being theatre kids. This also may be one of the last times we see EJ perform as a student in the musical so I’m glad we got this.  

EJ has been criminally underused for most of S2, he’s marketed as part of the big 4 along with Nini, Ricky, and Gina and Matt Cornett’s name is listed 3rd in the credits but in the early eps of S2 you’d think he was guest star. Lately he’s started to become more important and tonight was an excellent showcase of why he’s such an interesting character. I’m not gonna check but this feels like it’s the most EJ screen time in a single ep that we’ve gotten all season long. 

Of course, the main reason for EJ’s increased screen time is because of Portwell. I’ve been neutral on them but tonight they really won me over’ their scenes were so sweet that they warmed even my cold black heart. Matt and Sofia are good friends irl and that shines through in their easy rapport and great chemistry. Gina snorting at EJ’s joke was cute and I loved the shot of Gina accidentally walking into the shot for EJ’s confessional. As an aside, they’ve been doing some fun stuff with the confessionals lately which helps add a bit of the metaness that helped make S1 so great.

The real big Portwell scene tonight was EJ and Gina talking on the couch at Ashlyn’s. Lot’s to love there. Gina’s speech to EJ about what she sees when she thinks of him was sweet and her saying that EJ tried to do the right thing and often failed but kept trying echoes what she said of herself during her confession to Ricky. Also when EJ asked Gina if she understood the feeling of having her life mapped out she replied, ‘’not really’’ which is almost certainly the inspiration for Gina asking a question to EJ and him responding ‘’not really’’ in their pre S2 face time call on the hsmtmts instagram. 

EJ is still wracked with guilt for the guy he used to be but Gina reminds him that he’s grown and is a good guy which leads to her slip up about her seeing him that way vs the rest of the gang hinting that she’s beginning to catch feelings for EJ. Which leads to EJ complimenting her and them having a moment that could well have led to a kiss if Ashlyn hadn’t come home. And they cap it off with Gina falling asleep and EJ covering her with his Duke sweater. 

It’s been nice not seeing Gina upset over Ricky these past two eps and it’s a damning indictment of the poor writing and pacing of S2 that her story in the first 6 eps can be summed up as Gina being upset over something Ricky said or did. Not only has Portwell allowed EJ to rise in prominence but also it’s allowed Gina to escape the rut her character was stuck in pining for Ricky. 

I hope after S2 is over that we get an interview where Tim explains how the Portwell plot came to be. The S1 finale set up some possible interest between them as did the pre S2 face time call but nothing came of it during the first 4 eps, they stood next to each other a lot but barely interacted otherwise. Notably in 2x01, which Tim himself wrote, EJ tries to grow a beard and tells Ashlyn that he says her as so young which is extremely jarring now that we know that EJ is crushing on Gina who is Ashlyn’s age. 

Was Tim not set on doing Portwell until he realized he needed to give Gina something else to do other than hopelessly pine for Ricky? Narratively, it made sense after Rini got together in S1 to put the other two Big 4 characters together in S2 but did Tim not want it to seem so obvious to the audience so he deliberately kept Portwell apart until 2x05 where EJ’s feelings make for a nice plot twist? Was he just reluctant to plug EJ back into the love square due to how much more complicated it would make things but later felt he had no other options? Or was it just plain old bad pacing and writing?

Of course, I wish that there wasn’t such a large age gap between Sofia and Matt but there are no Gina ships that avoid that problem, there’s also an age gap between Sofia and Joshua, just as there was between Olivia and Joshua and Matt in S1. Depending on when they film S3 there’s a good chance that most of it will be finished before Sofia even turns 18 which is deeply unfortunate. There’s a broader issue of teen girls being cast in mostly age appropriate roles while their male love interests are older adults and in particular it often affects female characters of colour. Netflix has a really bad track record with those kind of age gaps but Disney has problems too as we’ve seen on HSMTMTS and on GMW where by the end of S3 they had 18 year old Peyton Meyer as the boyfriend of 14 year old Rowan Blanchard’s character (not to mention canon Joshaya which didn’t have such a bad age gap between the actors but was problematic regarding the ages of the characters themselves).

A knock I’ve seen on Portwell is that EJ is just gonna leave for university next year but that was never gonna happen, Matt’s under the same 4 season contract as all the other mains and he’ll be sticking around in some capacity much like Sharpay ended up doing in the movies. It is true that EJ will probably have to move on at the end of S4 while Gina still has her senior year left but that will also happen with her and Ricky since he’ll be graduating at the end of S4. It was a big mistake to make EJ a senior but it also may end up being a big mistake to make Gina a sophomore. It would have been too messy to retcon EJ to be a junior but Tim probably should have taken the chance to retcon Gina into being a junior in S2.

That Rini breakup was so sad (missed opportunity for gotta go my own way). They managed to get in a Troyella reference with the treehouse. This was inevitable they just have not been communicating well though now that we know that Ricky thought Nini left YAC for him some of his desperation to spend as much time together as possible makes more sense. I think Rini is endgame if the series has 4 seasons but it wouldn't shock me if we never seem them dating again and they only get back together in the series finale. It also wouldn’t surprise me if Nini never dates anyone else for the remainder of the series or at least not seriously. 

We’re not even halfway through the series so it’s way too early to permanently slam the door on Rini though this time apart will probably help Joshua and Olivia move on from their own bitter break up before it bleeds too much into their performances. I do wonder if Tim really has a clue what he's gonna do with them for the remaining 24-28 eps of the series, assuming S3 and S4 have 10-12 eps each. 

Roman Banks killed If I Can��t Love Her and the montage of all the couples or ex couples was great.

It was nice to finally meets some parents other than the Bowen’s and Salazar-Roberts’. Kourtney’s mom was played by Dara’s actual mother and their dynamic was great as expected. It seems from their conversation that Kourtney's father is dead which I don’t believe has been mentioned before. Cash Caswell.... well it gets what the character is about across. He really looks and sounds like a rich Utah republican, I bet he knows Mitt Romney personally. I liked EJ going to tell his father that he’s not going to Duke and recognizing that he wants to build his own life on his own merits. 

We saw a bit of that S1 Miss Jenn energy tonight which was fun though I didn't like how curt she was with Seb nor did I like how rude Carlos was to Seb although we know that blows up in 2x10. 

Jazzara rising! I really liked how Jazzara and Portwell are sort of mirroring each other and since Mazzara knows about EJ’s feelings for Gina it wouldn’t shock me if helping EJ out is part of him showing a softer side in 2x12.

Of course Ashlyn is VP of the Nostradamus society. It's clear her family has some kooky new age beliefs (her parents are probably members of some naturopathic medicine group on Facebook that doubles as a gateway into Qanon)

It was nice to see Big Red being such a good friend to Ricky and the return of Ricky’s infamous pillow hugs. Lmao at Ashlyn just chilling while Big Red is comforting Ricky

Also Miss Jenn saying sexy and Big Red referring to pillow talk, the writers are adding a bit of spice when cooking up these scripts.

Looking Ahead: 

Looks like Gina may be wearing EJ's duke sweater next ep according to some posts I saw. Jack presumably is there to somehow help Gina decide what she wants with Ricky and EJ though him having wanderlust might also feed into Gina’s thoughts on settling down in SLC or moving with her mom around the country.

Let's see what mom of the year, Lynne Bowen, has up her sleeves. Ricky’s bedroom at her place in Chicago looks much nicer than the apartment Mike Bowen has so perhaps she makes a lot more money than he does. 

Not looking forward to the Zoom portions of the ep but I guess it was inevitable. 

There’s only two paths for Gina’s story to go in the remainder of this season; either she decides to move on from Ricky and give EJ a chance or she decides that Ricky is worth trying again and squelches her budding feelings for EJ. The former looks much more likely after tonight’s ep but either way it needs to be handled with care. Inevitably Gina and Ricky need to talk about what happened between them but if Tim really wants Ricky to continue being a viable love interest or even a good friend to Gina then he needs to really have Ricky apologize and show a thoughtful, kinder side of him that’s largely been missing this season. 

What I think Tim is doing is setting up Portwell getting together in 2x12 but Ricky pining over Gina until Portwell break up late S3 and Rina get together in the S3 finale before they break up later in S4 and Ricky gets back with Nini near the end of the series. If I had Tim’s ear I would tell him that he should pick which ship he wants to do, Rina or Portwell, but don’t do both. He wants canon Rina? Great then end Portwell before it starts and have Rina happen in S3 and introduce other obstacles to them getting together rather than having to damage EJ’s character and make him lose another girl he likes to Ricky. He wants canon Portwell? Great then have Gina and Ricky’s conversation be closure for the both of them and have Gina and EJ get together and break them up without Ricky being a cause of it or waiting in the wings to get with Gina soon afterwards. Doing both will be a disaster and I truly hope that Tim Federle carefully thinks over his mistakes in S2 and really plans out the remaining 2 seasons of the series while there’s still time to prevent things from going really off the rails like GMW and AM did thanks to the bad decisions of Michael Jacobs and Terri Minsky. 

Until next week wildcats. 

[starfanatic]

Me analyzing every scene with Charles and Erik in First Class.

Charles and Erik's experiences

Now in the beginning of the movie, Charles and Erik don't have a scene together but it compares their lives, side by side, and in a way explains why they are so different from one another.

Even as kids there is some clear differences:

The first mutant Erik ever met was Shaw. A nazi who murdered the only person who loved him. Then Shaw experimented and tortured him until Erik inevitably broke out. Shaw made Erik believes his power can only be unlocked through pain and anger. The first mutant Charles ever met is Raven. Raven and Charles became close, basically becoming siblings. Charles was never alone, he had Raven and vice versa.

At such a young age, Charles knew how to use his power efficiently, without needing to be angry to do it. Erik however only could do it (at that age when he's in extremely stressful situations).

Now as adults there is still big differences:

When we first meet Charles he's at a bar, flirting with a woman. It's clear he's very intelligent and talks about mutations. Then in the next scene, hes celebrating after his graduation. This is a good time in Charles' life. Erik however is still plotting revenge against Shaw, hurting people for information or straight up murdering them.

Something I noticed is that Charles seem to have a lot of positive interactions with humans, like Moira for example while Erik seems to only have negative interactions with them.

Erik’s power is naturally more destructive then Charles. Charles can communicate with people and understand their emotions and feelings. Erik destroys the environment around him, to do whatever he’s going to do.

Drowning Scene

Let's talk about Erik's mental state in this scene. He is pumped with adrenaline and anger. The man who made his life a living hell is escaping and he needs to stop and make him pay for what he has done. So he desperately tries to bring the submarine back, and he was going to do it or die trying. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for Erik, who has been wanting revenge against Shaw since the day he killed his mother. Its symbolic, because in a way he's drowning in his own hate and anger. His hate and anger is what almost killed him. Then Charles jumps in to save him. This is the first time someone wanted to genuinely help him since his mother. Charles was willing to jump in ice cold water just to save him. Immediately Charles knew what Erik has gone through, and as usual he wants to help him. Erik says "I thought I was alone" and he was. I don't think he was only talking about just mutants, but just being alone in general. And then Charles responds with "You are not alone". This can symbolize Charles saving Erik from drowning in his own anger and revenge. He thought he was by himself until Charles came in.

Note: There is multiple times where the main character jumps into the water to save their love interest from drowning. Think about the Little Mermaid where Ariel stopped... Eric from drowning. Think about Wonder Woman, where Diana jumped in the water to save Steve. Just saying....

"Surprised you've managed to stay this long"

This scene basically speaks on it's own so I don't have a lot to say here. But first, Charles was already outside before Erik left. I'm not sure why he was outside in the first place or if he was expecting Erik to leave and catch him on the way out. But Charles is literally the first person (i'm going to assume) that actually cares if Erik leaves. He wants Erik to stay because he cares about him, knows him and what he's gone through, and desperately want to help him. When Charles offers his help, Erik scoffs thinking its a completely ridiculous idea that he can be saved. But instead of saying that he says "I don't need your help". Well... we all know that's a lie. Erik is so used to being alone and working for himself, it's a foreign feeling to be around people who don't want to hurt him. This also can symbolize that despite Erik appearing to want to be alone, Charles won't let him. Then Charles says "I won't stop you from leaving. I could, but i won't" Unlike probably everyone Erik ever encountered in his life, Charles gives him a choice. He treats him like a person (fuck you Shaw).

Cerebro

When Erik walks in the room, Charles is surprised but visibly happy to see Erik. Then Erik says that mutants should be found by its own people, no suits. Charles looks at him for a minute and agrees with him. I’m not sure Charles thought about that in that very moment but listened when given the suggestion. Erik gives Charles a look that also shows visible happiness. They are just so damn happy to be with each other it’s adorable. Then they exchange witty banter. As I said before, A D O R A B L E.

Road Trip

This is the time Erik and Charles bond together even more.I don’t have much to say on the montage besides... it’s nice to see those two bond together and have fun.

Realist vs Optimist

Erik and Charles are playing chess together and Charles starts talking about how he will be able to help the mutants out there. How they can do it together. However Erik points out how they might not be able to. Once the government doesn’t need them, they will discard them or experiment on them.

I would call Erik a pessimist but that’s not entirely true. He’s not thinking the worse of ever situation he’s being realistic. The government would be scared of their power and once they don’t need them, they will try to get rid of them. He’s not even wrong at the end. Another scene is another one where they are playing chess. It seems whenever they start playing chess they start debating. Charles being the optimist, seeing the good in humans while Erik being the realist (but close to the optimist) by seeing the obvious evil humans have in them.

Russia

Something to point out, when dealing with the Russians, Charles tries to deal with them in the least violent way possible. When Erik deals with the Russians, he’s more violent, attacking them directly.

When Erik starts to lose control, Charles stop him. That seems to happen quite often in this movie. Charles is basically Erik’s restraint.

“Brightest Memory in Your Memory Bank” (aka the best Cherik scene ever)

Charles doesn’t want to shoot Erik (Guns probably make him nervous and the possibility of Erik not saving himself in time is scary.) So Charles pushes Erik more. Erik explains how he needs a specific situation, the anger, to be able to move something that big. That’s what he’s been told his whole life but Charles knows that’s not true. Charles contradicts everything that Shaw is, everything that Shaw believes in and says. He knows that there is more power Erik has, that Erik is just not aware of yet.

When you think about it, Charles is the serenity to Erik’s rage. Charles gave the serenity that Erik needed by unlocking a memory, Erik doesn’t even know he had. It’s such a beautiful moment that it brings both Charles and Erik to tears. This is the moment Charles and Erik truly connect completely. Charles understands a part of Erik nobody ever has since his mother.

Then Erik tries again and he succeeds. Both of them laughing in joy, Erik for being able to do it and Charles for being genuinely joyed that Erik succeeded.

Cuba Beach Divorce

This is the moment when things start becoming dark between them. While Shaw was talking to Erik, he managed to basically do the opposite of what Charles was trying to do for Erik. Bringing back his trauma and pain. Making him believe he was a weapon, instead of a person. When he put the helmet on, that symbolizes the disconnect he now had with Charles. Charles main power is communicating with people between minds. Erik putting on the anti-telepathy helmet symbolized the communication they no longer had with each other. Sure they can still speak to each other, but Erik is no longer listening to Charles. He no longer has serenity, only rage. When Erik slowly puts the coin through Shaw’s head, he makes Charles endure through the same pain. Symbolically showing that Erik’s revenge only caused Charles pain and the destruction of the beautiful relationship they had.

As Erik expected, the humans banded together to destroy a race they feel threatened by. Erik attempts to send them back the missles they intended to use to blow them up, but then Charles tries to stop him.

There is multiple times throughout the movie that Charles stops Erik from doing something and Erik stops, relunctantly, but he does. But now there relationship is strained and broken. When Charles tries to stop him he fails, Erik continues to do it, even hurting Charles to do it, until...

The bullet Erik deflected shot Charles in the back. When people usually say “shot in the back” or “stabbed in the back” it usually means betrayal. In Charles’ mind, Erik probably did betray him. Charles will do anything to protect people, even at the cost of hurting HIMSELF. Erik seems to constantly hurt the people around him, no matter how much he loves them.

The whole speech they have with each other is self-explanatory but their eyes show so much pain. They obviously don’t want to let each other go, but they are simply too different.

Erik holds a special type of pain, because he hurt the first man who genuinely loved and cared about him since his mother. The man who didn’t see him as a weapon to be used but a friend. The first mutant Erik has a positive interaction with. The only person who was able to unlock a side of Erik, even he didn’t know exist. In a way, he disappointed Charles and proved him wrong, that there is no good in him and he cannot be helped.

When he looks up he looks angry and hurt because he knows he won’t be able to change his mind. He know lost someone he considered a... (*cherik iykyk*) fRiEnD.

And Erik leaves Charles alone on the beach. Bleeding from the wound he gave him. Hurt from losing his bEsT fRienD and sister.

In conclusion: P A I N

[shirtlesssammy]

5x21: Two Minutes to Midnight

Then:

The End is Nigh

Now:

Davenport, Iowa

We begin this episode with Pestilence paying an ailing woman a visit. He’s riddled her with more diseases than she can handle. What an experiment!

One Day Earlier

At Bobby’s, Sam’s getting an earful from Dean about his plan to say yes to Lucifer. Dean gets a call from Cas. Dean wants to know where he is --they all thought he was dead. He’s in a hospital. He’s not one for conversation at the moment, but does tell Dean that he just woke up in the hospital. Dean tells him their next step: get Pestilence. 

For Hospital Bed Science:

Cas groans in pain and tells Dean he can’t fly anywhere. He’s thirsty, and his head aches, and he has a bug bite, and he’s all so very... Dean finishes his thought with, “human”. Cas needs money for pain meds and travel expenses. 

Also, he stops Dean from hanging up and says that he owes him an apology. “You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be,” he confesses. Dean’s awkward about such a solemn apology. I’m soft about how soft this moment is. 

The brothers head out to scope out the convalescent home where Pestilence chills. They knock out the security guard to watch video footage of the place. 

Eventually Sam notices the camera flickering with one person. They head out to find him. 

As Pestilence is taking care of Cold Open Celeste, a demon comes in to warn him about the Winchesters. He’s upset over what they did to his brothers, and wants revenge. The demon reminds him he’s not supposed to hurt “the vessels”. He doesn’t care and starts hurting everyone in the building. 

Sam and Dean start coughing, and struggle to keep walking. They both collapse outside Pestilence’s door. They’re now riddled with disease, just like Celeste. While the boys struggle on the ground, Pestilence gets to monologue a bit about the frailty of humans. 

Enter one VERY human-like angel. Yeah, poor Cas is just as affected as the Winchesters. Pestilence laughs, “There's not a speck of angel in you, is there?” Cas then lunges at him, and cuts his ring finger right off. “Maybe just a speck.” Oh Cas, you badass. Never change. 

The demon attacks, and he knifes her. Pestilence disappears, but not before ominously stating, “It’s too late.” 

And now they have three rings. 

At Bobby’s, Dean asks for some good news. Bobby tells them that Chicago is about to get hit with the storm of the millennium. Three million people are going to die. 

GOOD NEWS, Bobby! Or as Cas deadpans, “I don’t understand your definition of ‘good news’.” 

Bobby points out that Death will be there. They still need his ring. 

Sam wonders how Bobby knows all this. Enter Crowley. 

Bobby admits to selling his soul to Crowley. Dean demands that Crowley give it back. Sam wonders if Bobby had to kiss him. Bobby denies it --but Crowley’s got proof. Of course. 

Crowley won’t give back Bobby’s soul as insurance that the Winchesters won’t kill him. I mean, I kind of have to side with Crowley here. He’s being REALLY generous even considering giving back Bobby’s soul. Bobby sold it fair and square. He’s getting information from Crowley in return. 

Later, by the Impala, Dean and Sam talk. Sam admits that he has his doubts about his plan as much as the rest of them. “You, Bobby, Cas...I'm the least of any of you.” Like, OUCH, Samuel. We deep dive into Dean’s self-worth issues on the regular, but let’s just pause and reflect on the younger sibling right now. 

Sam’s all they got though, so they have to try. 

Crowley interrupts the broment with news about the world. It seems that Pestilence was spreading Swine Flu, and Sam’s old buddy Brady’s company was cranking out the vaccine --only it was full of Croatoan virus not a cure. If this vaccine is distributed nationwide, it’ll all be over.

Cas and Bobby pack up the van. Cas is...moody. He mourns the loss of his angelic might. The only thing he has available to him now...is a shotgun. (Starts humming) Bobby tells him to quit whining and load the truck. 

The teams finish packing for their respective hunts. Sam waxes nostalgically about the simpler days of hunting monsters. Dean doesn’t think it was ever simple. Crowley interrupts and presents Dean with Death’s own scythe (in travel-sized form). 

Crowley urges Bobby to stand up and get ready to fight. He reveals that he inserted a little healing clause into Bobby’s soul deal that healed Bobby’s paralysis. Bobby stands up triumphantly. 

Later, Sam, Bobby, and Cas drive towards the Croatoan virus operation. Cas reflects on Sam’s idea to toss himself into the pit along with Lucifer. He thinks it’s a solid plan. 

Cas passes along some new intel about the archangel prize fight: Michael has taken Adam as a vessel. He warns Sam that failing to control Lucifer means that the apocalypse will happen, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Oh, and “there’s also the demon blood…” Sam will have to drink gallons of blood in order to be strong enough to contain Lucifer. BLEGH.

The next morning, they lurk at the distribution facility. A truck tries to leave and Cas takes out the driver and jams the gate controls. Sam and Bobby head into the warehouse, only to find that the demons have already infected some of the workers with Croatoan. Sam races off into the warehouse to save (uninfected) civilians. 

Dean and Crowley enjoy their first date, tracking Death to a little warehouse.

There’s a lovely clip where Crowley mentions that the area is swarming with reapers, and we get a reveal…

Crowley zaps into the warehouse, discovers that Death isn’t there, then meets Dean outside again. He suggests hightailing it out of Chicago and waiting for the next doomed city in order to find Death. That’s not good enough, though. Dean wants to find a way to save people, even if they can’t track down the Horseman. While Dean despairs, Crowley peers into a little pizza place and then heads back to Dean. He found Death! With his work done and not even a high five to show for it, Crowley zaps out of there.

Back at the warehouse, Sam’s finishes evacuating the uninfected civilians. Just as they think they’re home free, Sam gets attacked and Bobby’s gun jams. Enter Castiel, who shoots Sam’s attacker and says, “Actually these things can be useful.” 

For Angel with a Shotgun Science:

Dean creeps through the pizza parlor, which is full of dead patrons and waitstaff. Death’s scythe heats up in his hand and, agonized by the red hot handle, Dean drops it. The next thing he knows, his Death super-weapon is safely by Death’s side. 

Death sits at a table savoring a piece of pizza, and invites Dean to join him.

Dean wants to know if he’s about to die, but Death informs him that he has other plans for him. Death quietly reminds Dean that he’s as old and vast as the universe. No biggie though. Dean’s a bacterium, practically, but it’s fine. Death serves Dean a slice of pizza and I desperately long for some good Chicago deep dish. 

Death says that he’s as old as God, and maybe older. “At the end, I’ll reap him too.” (And while I appreciate that they didn’t kill Chuck in the traditional stabby manner, I’ll always mourn that we didn’t get to see this line fulfilled in one of the finale’s endless montage sequences, and that Billie didn’t survive to do the job.) (Boris, huddled in the corner: Death didn’t reap Chuck because he won, and the story isn’t over yet...)

Anyway, Dean’s appropriately awed by Death’s power. “This is way above my pay grade,” Dean mutters. Death reveals that he’s been waiting for Dean to catch up to him - Lucifer’s spell has prevented him from directly seeking out the Winchesters. “I’m more powerful than you can process, and I’m enslaved to a bratty child having a tantrum,” Death spits. Preach! Death proposes depowering Lucifer’s Death weapon. He’ll hand Dean his ring willingly.

“What about Chicago?” Dean asks, ever the hunter.

Oh, Chicago can survive. Death likes the pizza. He hands Dean his ring and tells him that he has to do whatever it takes to trap Lucifer. “You’re going to let your brother jump right into that fiery pit. Now, do I have your word?” Dean takes the ring as Death issues one final warning. “You know you can’t cheat Death.”

Back at Bobby’s, Dean looks at the rings. They’ve got all four of them and together, they form into a magic little bundle of rings. Bobby finds Dean for a little heart to heart. 

Dean reveals that he lied to Death - he’s not okay with Sam tossing himself into the pit. However, Bobby thinks that Death may be right about Sam’s plan being their best option. Bobby watched Sam save all the civilians in the factory before they blew it up, and he thinks that Sam can handle it. “Sam will beat the Devil, or die trying. That’s the best we could ask for. What exactly are you afraid of? Losing? Or losing your brother?”

O, Quotes:

I don't understand your definition of good news

We'll catch Death in the next doomed city

Think how you'd feel if a bacterium sat at your table and started to get snarky. This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that's barely out of its diapers. I'm old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[matan4il]

Hi!!! I’m just wondering what you think about why we never really get to see a reaction from Eddie whenever Buck’s gotten hurt. I always expect them to shoot to Eddie’s face or it be Eddie in the hospital with Buck in the next scene, but it’s always literally anyone else. And I mean we did get Eddie bringing Chris over to cheer him up after he got crushed by the truck and I looooved that whole scene (“he’s hanging with his Buck today!” 🥺) and post tsunami softness, but I’m talking like IN the moment when you think your bff is maybe going to die we never really get to see Eddie. Yet when Eddie is buried in Eddie Begins, it was straight to Buck and we got to see his Major emotional reaction? I hope I’m making sense...I would love to hear your take!

Hi Nonnie and thank you for the ask! You do make sense and I get the question. And hey, it’s always nice to know my take on something might be interesting. ;)

In 218, when Buck’s leg is under the truck, we do get a shot of him and Hen. True, it’s not the intense reaction we get from Buck, but then that’s because Eddie’s built differently. To me, he looks like he’s about to murder someone and he’s doing everything he can to restrain himself, because they’re on the job AND the guy who hurt Buck is a teenager (and Eddie’s a dad, so that must mean something to him). But then as everyone lifts the truck and Eddie’s one of the stronger people on the scene (def compared to all the civilians), he’s not lifting the truck, because he knows that Buck needs him to hold his hand and get him through the pain. And Eddie does that, we get shots of him continuously by Buck’s side making sure that Buck is ok. Despite how restrained he is, when the person hurting Buck is Abby, even though he’s a professional and a reserved man (and the hurt is mostly not physical), Eddie kinda loses it on the train in 318. He’s so worried, he fails to rein in his reaction over the mere thought of Buck risking himself for the woman who has hurt him. In 405, when Buck is in the warehouse, I think we don’t see the same desperate reaction from Eddie because Buck’s situation is far from hopeless. The 118 can go in and get Buck out, simple as that. Is it scary to think they might be too late? Yes, but they have something they can do to help, so Eddie can focus on that to fight off the fear. In 315, in contrast, a part of Buck’s broken reaction comes from the fact that Eddie is trapped deep underground and logically? There is nothing effective they can do about it. There’s no hope to hold onto. And yet in 405, the show still gave us a close up on Eddie as the first one to grab the rope inside, the first to help Buck. It doesn’t spell out his desperation to get to Buck, but was Eddie maybe the first to go inside, the one heading the search because he needed to get to Buck that much? That shot of him (and only of him) at least suggests it. So in conclusion, I think Eddie and Buck did differ in their reactions, but only because the show has used different means to show they’re both deeply affected by the possibility of the other guy being harmed. I hope this helped! xoxox

Because music is so important to the show, I noticed that the 4x08 ending montage beginning with Ana coming to the Diaz house is only background music, no lyrics. This strikes me as odd, because most episodes end with a really beautiful song choice that usually has significant lyrics. Plus we got Better Days during the vaccination scene right before this montage, so this stands out even more to me.

Nonnie, YES! I feel like you’re pointing to an additional way in which that scene of Eddie, Ana and Chris together should have been the climax of that storyline, but it wasn’t. You’re absolutely right, the show usually uses meaningful lyrics with its climatic scenes. And nothing will ever rival “wait for me to come home,” then Eddie and Chris showing up on Buck’s doorstep. The fact that with that scene with Ana it was like the show wasn’t even trying... And you’re reminding me that I keep meaning to make a music meta post. Hopefully I’ll get to do it during the hiatus! Thank you so much for sharing my interest in the show’s musical choices! xoxox

How many seasons do you think 9-1-1 will have? If we get at least 7 or 8, I can see Buddie happening as an extreme slow burn, but I think we would need to have at least some concrete hint (for the general audience's benefit) by the end of this season or mid-season 5 at the latest. I guess my question here is: a) how many seasons do you think we'll get and b) what kind of trajectory do you see for a Buddie slowburn?

Considering the show is Fox’s biggest scripted drama right now? And that during the pandemic, it will probably prove harder to create new shows if they weren’t already in development before the crisis started? Yes, at the very least 7 or 8. I think it could have way more from the network’s POV, but that also depends on the ratings remaining the highest on Fox (I don’t see why not) and Tim, whether he would prefer a ‘dignified’ earlier ending to his show while it’s still on top or not. As for the trajectory, I don’t wanna delve too much into speculations. I don’t wanna get attached to a specific course and be disappointed if the show takes a different one, you know? But generally speaking, I’d like the kind that the truly epic couples get, the will they/won’t they, where every step along the way is earned, starting with one-sided (for the time being) feelings realization and skipping no steps along the way of making us sit and wonder will this couple get their happy ending? This show has not done that yet. Henren were pre-established. Bathena dived right in with little fanfare (I love them together, but the show skipped a lot of steps with them). David and Michael were a fast burn. Cute to the extreme, but barely any obstacles before getting together. Madney were will they/won’t they for a short while, but that was stretched out over less than a season. That’s... medium burn? IDK. But the point is, 911 has yet to have a slow burn couple, mlm couples deserve slow burn, give us Buddie, Tim! It’s a win win situation. Hope I managed to answer you, Nonnie! ;) xoxox

[now-im-a-belieber]

dinner and diatribes

a/n: Hello! I put it off as long as I could but I just HAD to start writing. So, Here it is, my first BoB fic! Any and all feedback is appreciated.

══════════════════

After graduating and settling into the swing of the life you wanted to live, the universe seemed to actively work against you.

You did not get accepted into the college of your dreams. And the underfunded local university you wasted away at was the bane of your existence. You could barely land a job with all the hours you were required to stick to campus, and only made enough money walking dogs and watering plants to pay for tuition and the occasional new outfit. 

When you started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, with a few hundred saved away, and some time opening up to find career opportunities, the chatter about war turned from gossip to gospel. 

In fact, you'd made it all the way to the opposite side of a fine mahogany desk for your first full fledged interview when your dreams were promptly crushed. The man meant to interview you rushed in with flustered news he'd only just found out himself. He told you the company was shutting down. All the nation's money was being sorted to aid in the war. The president had called for rationing to start. 

The man was near tears when he asked you to leave, replacing a goodbye with a hopeful wish you might be able to come back again one day. 

You marched home at a loss. And the worst thing of all, was the fact that you didn't seem to have anyone to talk to about it all.

The best of your friends had moved away one by one, well meaning phone calls only coming from a couple now and again. Some weekends you managed a stroll through the park with Janice Dean. And you hadn't missed a single one of Rudy Delacroix's card parties. But the one friend you'd always been able to call upon seemed ever less interested in being a part of your life. 

Joe was busy as everyone else, you knew. But when he started canceling long standing plans, and forcing smiles when you skipped up to ask him on a last minute adventure, you realized something must have been very wrong. 

Over breakfast you'd prod him for answers. He'd joke about the state of the world and steal what was left on your plate. So, nothing could have been too wrong. Right?

Joe always entertained your random stops by, and offered you drinks and listened to you complain about uni. He’d curse the place and drag you to pubs and sneak you into films and waste hours by the waterfront laughing about nothing with you. He’d go great lengths to help you forget your dreary days, even if just for a moment. But lately you noticed Joe had stopped trading his own complaints- the kind he claimedvno one else would tolerate hearing besides you. 

And then… he stopped talking at all. Right when you figured it was time to ask what the hell the matter was. Joe wasn't at his place last you swung by, like you so often did. He didn't come around yours like he so often managed. He didn't answer his phone when you rang, and a real worry sprouted through you when the next time you tried, the line went dead.

And then you did see Joe. At the local grocer. You spotted his profile across the aisle and moved to meet him. And he clearly saw you too. When he did, he moved the other way, and disappeared from the stall all together, leaving you to panic over what you might've said or done to upset him so.

You went about your mundane week with a heavy heart. While you seemed to lose hope in the very near future, the world spiralled out of control outside of your windows. And you had no one to talk to about it. Until Joe's mother called. 

"Come round for dinner, won't you love?"

"Of course, ma." You'd been calling the woman by her motherly title since you and Joe first fused at the hip some odd years back. Since then his family had included you in most every occasion they could manage. Until a certain someone up and broke tradition a week or so ago...

"Great! Joe didn't want a big send off but we all know he'll want you to join in the last big family meal before he goes.”

His mother chirped through a sigh that crackled from the other line. And in her all too casual remark lied a clear answer to the impasse you'd been facing. 

"He what?" You asked low, through your teeth, with a sense of urgency you'd never felt in life, till now. 

"He didn't tell you did he?" Joe's mother seemed to ask less more than she seemed to realize; and before you could think up the right thing to say, you slammed the phone down, grabbed your purse, and flew out the door. 

Of course this was happening. How had you failed to realize? You shouldn't have had to realize. Joe should have told you he was shipping out. Everyone seemed to be. But he should have said so. He'd always told you everything. From the embarrassing to the inconsequential, Joe hadn't held back from droning deadly details to you since he'd started. The fact that something this detrimental had been hidden away sent smoke from your ears as you marched toward his family's home. 

The windows across the little brick cottage were all opened, the late day breeze blowing you up the porch steps. You traded knocking for bursting in the door. There wasn't time left to waste. And the realization hit you all at once… but you had a mission to complete before becoming all too overwhelmed. 

Joe's mother ducked out of way, a tray of warm food in hand. She did not try and stop your storm through the kitchen. The only one you’d taken by surprise was Joe, who turned from the sink with eyes as wide as empty dinner plates. 

"You didn't tell me?" You seethed, heading straight for him. Joe started to back away, moving toward the patio doors with his hands held in a pitiful defense. 

"I'm sorry-"

"Sorry?!"

He kept moving. So you marched after him, out into the yard; shouting all the way asking how the hell he could've kept this from you. How you were supposed to cope with all the worry you’d feel the longer he spent storming the front lines. Asking, flippantly, if he’d tell you what it was all like, or if you’d have to find out from a soldier who'd come knocking to tell the last of Joe’s news.

"I said I'm fuckin' sorry." Joe boomed, stopping near the trees that lined his family's property. You didn’t regret your frantic interrogation but you wished voicing your worst fears of losing him for good hadn’t been what finally got Joe to say something like he meant it.

You halted when he did, stunned to silence. But only for a beat. You watched Joe sigh and bring his hands to his face. 

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" You pressed, much quieter but with disappointment ever present in your tone. You stepped a little closer, willing your friend to speak up. At least now you could see he was trying too. Joe tossed his head back, and shifted his weight to lean against a dying tree. 

"I don't know." He shrugged finally. It wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it was more than you had in awhile.

"I-I guess I didn't know how to." Joe spoke in a tone you'd never quite heard him use before. A terribly hopeless croak. 

"Didn't know how to tell me?" You had to laugh a little. All you ever did was tell each other things. 

"Didn't know how to leave you." Joe pointed, like it was obvious. You watched his jaw clench as you were baffled into silence once more. But only for a second.

"Well it seems like you've only got one night left to figure out how." You wanted to cry. "Thanks for wasting all the time we could've spent figuring it out together." 

You started to turn, only to hide the tears stinging your eyes. But as you stepped aside, Joe wrapped his hand around your wrist and yanked you to face him again.

"I'm an idiot but I am not stupid enough to let you go." He said, still keeping his hold on you. 

"I panicked." Joe admitted, speaking softly all of sudden. "And I’m sorry. And I don't ever want anything like that to ever happen again. I won't let it." 

You studied Joe and the look on his face and the way his eyes searched yours so easily, so acutely. Part of you wanted to keep shouting, to really drive home how abandoned you’d felt. But you could see how he'd withered under the weight of knowing so. But you couldn't even begin talking about what was meant to happen next... it was all too overwhelming. For as long as you could remember, you'd never not been near one another. 

"I wished I never had to find out how shitty a day without you felt. I'll always regret bringing it on.

As your mind raced and your heart ached, your brow furrowed when Joe started to move away from you. His spare hand latched onto your other wrist. And he knelt.

"I didn't mean to leave you out. I never want to again." Joe emphasized each word as he strung them together. And after a long pause he spoke again. "So...marry me?"

You wanted to laugh. A good hearty nausea inducing laugh. You could admit to yourself that over the years, in the very depths of solitude, you'd secretly wished for a moment like this, with Joe. But never in a zillion years, least of all now, had you seen it coming. 

You felt Joe's grip tighten as you blinked, bending ever so slightly closer to meet his eye.

"You're fucking crazy." You said, a montage of this week playing through your head. 

"Please." Joe desperately whispered. He wasn't begging you to be with him. He was only hoping that the two of you might make your always being together official. How could you say no?

"Yeah. Yes, of course, Joe-" You finally let a small chuckle escape as your tears started to bubble over. And before you'd finished stammering acceptance, Joe sprung to his feet and lifted yours off the ground in a long overdue embrace. 

He set you down and caught his breath and you started to lean in with a new, unabashed desire to press yours lips to his. But the guy spoke up with a gasped realization.

"Oh, I have got some good news." He grinned, mischievously. You only rose a brow and waited for the penny to drop. 

"I don't leave for a week." 

You understood every possibility that came from his news, and found despite every grim reality closing in around the two of you that the future was full of blindingly bright silver linings. 

Joe lifted you off the ground again, this time as he moved to start back inside. You bargained for him to put you back down, as he carried you toward the kitchen.

"We're getting married!" Joe called to whoever might've been around to listen. 

"That was quick. And just in time for dinner." His mother chirped, as you were returned to solid ground.

"Quick? I've been tryin' to do that since sometime after highschool." Joe pointed, following as you sauntered further in the room, smoothing your clothes and hiding a blush. 

"I meant the two of you have spatted longer over the color of the sky." His mother held a whisk your way, while fixing her eyes on her son. "I'm glad you worked this one out in record time." 

Joe reached for your hand as you stood, listening best you could, all of your senses entirely preoccupied by the man at your side. 

"And have you finally come to this joyous conclusion?" His mother softened, abandoning her dishes to shuffle toward the two of you. She gave out hugs and squeaks of excitement and gasped before taking off around the corner. She beckoned the two of you to follow her, and after a shared chuckle you did. 

His mother was stood at the vanity in her room, waving the pair of you in. And after only a second of pilfering through draws, did she pull out a ring. She gave it to Joe and said it was his grandmothers. The spritely woman shot you a beaming wink before creeping out of the door she'd only just invited you into. 

Then it was just you and Joe. Like usual. At fucking last.

He said nothing as he reached out to pull you nearer. He bit back a smile as he slid the diamond on your finger. Joe broke your admiration of the thing by placing both his hands on either side of your face. And he kissed you like you always dreamed of being kissed. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him back like you always secretly longed to do. 

You spent the rest of that night squished between him and his family at the dinner table, like usual. They celebrated your news. And there was very little talk of where Joe was headed. But when he brought up the war and his leaving, he held your hand under the table and you felt the hug of the gold band around your finger and couldn't find reason to worry too much. You’d have time enough for that later. You'd miss him. You already did, a little. 

But you'd gotten through the worst yet, and come out of it hand in hand. But before he left, till heaven only knew when, you’d officially and always be together.

[introvertguide]

Modern Times (1936); AFI #78

The next film on the AFI list up for review is the Charlie Chaplin classic, Modern Times (1936). This movie is pretty universally loved with a 98% score on Rotten Tomatoes. It is one of Chaplin's overtly political films along with The Great Dictator (1940). Chaplin's tendency to poke fun at America for the way they handled the idea of Communism made this film rather unpopular during the 50s and 60s but has won back audiences since. There is not a lot to the plot of the movie, but it is something that I do in these reviews so let me start with a...

SPOILER WARNING!!! IT IS NOT DOING A LOT TO HURT THE FILM, BUT I AM GOING OVER THE EVENTS OF THE MOVIE!!! I HAVE TO WARN PEOPLE FIRST, SO HERE IS YOUR WARNING!!!

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The Tramp (Charlie Chaplin) works on an assembly line, where he suffers greatly due to the machinery. His coworkers hate him and his boss pushes him around. As the least productive worker, he is volunteered to try out a new feeding machine that will allow workers to be fed and continue to work. It is all too much and he starts having moments were he can't control his movements. He eventually suffers a nervous breakdown and runs amok, getting stuck within a machine and throwing the factory into chaos, so he is then sent to the hospital. Following his recovery, he leaves the hospital and sees a car drop a red flag that signifies a load sticking out of the back (it is an American thing.) The Tramp is mistakenly arrested in a Communist demonstration when he chases the car waving the red flag and protestors walk up behind him. As a comment on the time, he is immediately arrested (it will happen a lot in this film). In jail, he accidentally ingests smuggled cocaine, and, in his subsequent delirium, he is lost by the guards and avoids being put back in his cell. He realizes what he has done and, when he returns, he stumbles upon a jailbreak and knocks the convicts unconscious for which he is hailed as a hero and given special treatment. When he is informed that he will soon be released due to his heroic actions, he argues unsuccessfully that he prefers life in jail. It is not made super apparent, but he will try to get sent back to jail for the rest of the film.

Upon release, he applies for a new job as a boat builder with a note from the sheriff saying he is trustworthy, but leaves immediately after causing an accident in which the boat is prematurely launched and subsequently sinks. Soon after, he runs into an orphaned girl named Ellen (Paulette Goddard), who is fleeing the police after stealing a loaf of bread. Determined to go back to jail and to save her, the Tramp tells the police that he is the thief and asks to be arrested, but a witness reveals his deception and he is freed. This does not help his plan, so he then eats an enormous amount of food at a cafeteria without paying to get arrested. He once again encounters Ellen in a paddy wagon, however it soon crashes and she convinces him to escape with her.

The two roam the town and consider life with a house of their own and this motivates the Tramp to find work. He gets a job as a night watchman at a department store and lets Ellen in so they have a place to stay. There are some shenanigans on roller skates until the Tramp encounters three burglars led by "Big Bill," a fellow worker from the factory, who explains that they are hungry and desperate. After sharing drinks with them, he wakes up the next morning during opening hours and is arrested once again for failing to call the police on the burglars and for sleeping in the store’s clothes on a desk, shocking a customer and the storekeeper.

He spends some time in jail and, days later, Ellen takes him to a run down shack to live in that she found. The next morning, he reads about an old factory’s re-opening and lands a job as a mechanic's assistant. The other workers then suddenly decide to go on strike, and tell the Tramp to leave with them. Outside the factory, he accidentally launches a brick at a policeman and is arrested again.

He is released two weeks later and learns that Ellen is now a café dancer. She gets him a job as a singer and waiter, but he goes about his duties clumsily. During his floor show, he loses his cuffs, which bear the lyrics to his song, but he rescues the act by improvising the lyrics using gibberish and by pantomiming. Ellen is unfortunately wanted for vagrancy and, when police arrive to arrest Ellen for her earlier escape, the two are forced to flee again. Ellen despairs that their struggles are all pointless, but the Tramp reassures her. At a bright dawn, they walk down the road towards an uncertain but hopeful future.

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One thing fun that happens throughout this film is the music. There is the standard action music and that amazing gibberish number that was performed by Charlie Chaplin, but the lover's theme was written by Chaplin as well and it was later given lyrics, entitled "Smile," and notably performed by Nat King Cole. Here is a link to a YouTube video that has a nice montage of Chaplin films:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rkNBH5fbMk

Charlie Chaplin was also finally awarded with a Lifetime Achievement Academy Award after being unofficially blocked from Hollywood for decades because he refused to speak out against Communism. He received the longest standing ovation in Academy Award Ceremony history and his face is worth a million words although he barely speaks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3Pl-qvA1X8

So the video quality on the version that I saw was remastered and is absolutely beautiful. It is too bad that Chaplin did not get to see his work in such high resolution because it looks great. The jokes are mostly visual since it is a silent film and the crisp picture makes it obvious that the jokes still stand up. The commentary and satire is very straight forward and the slightest knowledge of the country at the time lets the viewer in on the joke. There is reference to poverty, fear of working in a dead end job, never finding love, and becoming irrelevant in an ever expanding world of mechanization. It is much more than just slapstick.

The woman that played the oldest orphan (Paulette Goddard) was in a relationship with Chaplin during the filming of the movie and the two were eventually married for 6 years. She was also the leading lady in The Great Dictator. Honestly, the constant scandal of Chaplin either marrying or impregnating his leading ladies (or both), his ambiguity about his politics, and his tendency to poke fun at the American government really hurt the box office returns for this film. In hindsight, though, it is easy to see that it was the public that was wrong and this movie is genius.

So does this movie belong on the AFI top 100? Oh yes. It probably deserves to be higher than it is, but that is more opinion. It is good satirical comedy that highlights the fears and anxieties of a nation and a major tipping point in history. It is discovering the public identity of a country through the eyes of a fool along the lines of Don Quixote or A Confederacy of Dunces. It absolutely belongs on this list. Would I recommend it? Absolutely with no caveats. This is a great film for any age group and I wish there was a way I could introduce it to the younger generations. It is historical, it is funny, and it is a good story that is relatable across generations. Great film.

[nicnacsnonsense]

Been thinking about my hypothetical live action remake of Korra (seriously Netflix, call me, I have so many amazing ideas) and how I would tackle season two since it’s definitely the season that needs the most work, specifically and especially the Unalaq & Raava-Vaatu plotline. I kind of got carried away, like I do, but I’m very excited about it; a lot of good strong themes here. I’m going to start by talking about the changes to the first half, pre-Beginnings interlude, then the Beginnings episodes, then the back half. For the most part, all of the major plot beats still stay the same, at least until the climax, but the way those beats are contextualized are going to get pretty different building up to a radically different climax (no spirit being kaiju fight, yay!).

With Unalaq in the front half, the one major change is I want the religious fundamentalism vibes that come on so strong when he’s introduced to ramp up after the Northern Tribe soldiers show up and especially after Korra finally realizes he’s a bad guy, rather than petering out like happens in canon. I want to actually see him impose strict expectations of behavior in accordance with what he feels honors the spirits on the people of Southern Water Tribe. Let’s get some misogyny and restrictive gender roles up in here. That’s going to be great (from a storytelling perspective, obviously) because it’s relatively low-hanging fruit to communicate that the bad guy is bad, it fits in well thematically with where we’re going and the religious fundamentalism, and there is canon precedent in The Last Airbender that restrictive gender roles are a traditional value in the Northern Water Tribe.

A quick sidebar related to themes, in whatever episode where we first have Unalaq really cracking down on those gender roles, I want a B or possibly C plot with the Tenzin family vacation, where Jinora comes out to Tenzin as nonbinary. She is questioning with regards to the exact nature of her gender, but does say its some combination of both masculine and feminine, though other nonbinary identities – including agender, genderfluid, and a gender that is completely divorced from male-female – are floated. Tenzin is supportive and affirming and also suggests Jinora talk with her Aunt Kya, who he identifies as being a transwoman. (Kya is a trans lesbian in my version; you gotta deal with it.) This obviously serves to contrast Unalaq with his strict gender roles, and continues to build our theme.

For Korra in the first half, I do want to drag her emotional volatility down just a tad as compared to where she’s at in canon for these episodes. I still want her getting emotional and acting rash – that’s a huge part of her character – but I want her anger to feel sympathetic to the audience. Though I do also want at least one moment where Korra gets angry for good reason and starts yelling at Unalaq and he chides her for being emotional and irrational and he’s not going to discuss this with her if she can’t behave calmly and logically, blah, blah, blah, misogyny.

The final and biggest change that we’re making in the first half is Korra does not yet have her bending back. Season one does still end with her talking with Aang and learning energybending, which she uses to restore everyone else’s bending and restore her own connection to the other three elements, but in the opening episode of season two, we learn that she still can only airbend. She says that as far as she can tell everything should be alright and she should be able to bend fire, water, and earth, but obviously she can’t. She also mentioned that while it looks like it should, she feels like there is something missing, or maybe something there that she can’t see. Which my clever readers of course realize is a reference to Raava. After her flashback coma, Korra gains the other elements back, explaining that what she was missing was her connection to Raava had been damaged. Not broken, which is why she could still airbend and do all the other Avatar stuff she was doing, but damaged enough that Raava could no longer switch elements for her or give her access to multiple elements at once.

Moving on to Beginnings, right off the bat, I’m getting rid of the notion that all humans have to huddle on the backs of lion turtles out of fear of the spirits. The two worlds are connected, but humans and spirits co-exist peacefully for the most part. The lion turtles instead act as mediators when necessary, and do sometimes give out bending for humans to defend themselves with, but not as a regular thing every time they need to leave their city. We’ll have to switch up the stealing fire and Chin plot a little to accommodate this change, but somehow or other it happens and Wan gets banished with firebending.

Eventually he comes across Raava and Vaatu fighting and these two characters are getting some major shake ups. First off, in canon Raava identifies as being peace to counter Vaatu’s chaos, but peace is not the opposite of chaos; order is. Now, looking into yin & yang, chaos & order are not aspects that traditionally apply to them, but we’re going to let that addition of order to yang and light and chaos to yin and dark stand. Not everything has to be perfectly aligned. That said, one way in which we are going to switch things to make them fit better is yang is the masculine energy with yin as feminine. We’re switching the voices.

So Wan sees them fighting, and Vaatu calls out for help. And Wan is like, oh no, a damsel in distress; I’ll help you, milady! So, he helps, giving Vaatu the advantage. She beats up Raava, then flies off. Raava chastises Wan, explaining that he is the spirit of light and order, and he has been trying since the beginning of time to defeat Vaatu, but their battles have always ended in a draw. But now Wan has given Vaatu the advantage and if they don’t fix this, she’ll be victorious at the upcoming Harmonic Convergence, sending the worlds into ten thousand years of darkness. To which Wan is like, oh no, that sounds horrible. Well, Mr. Masculine Manly Spirit-Man Raava, I like light and order and you seem like a logical rational person; I’ll for sure help you put that emotional crazy spirit lady in her place. (Have I made the irony here clear enough? I don’t think I can get much more blatant. Though obviously in the show version it would be a little more subtle.)

After that we get Raava & Wan’s training and learning the elements montage, with some encounters with “corrupted” spirits along the way. Corrupted being Raava’s word, and he elaborates to say that all spirits fall under either Raava or Vaatu’s domain, all with varying inherent levels of light & order and dark & chaos to them. Vaatu gaining in power is causing the levels of dark& chaos in these spirits to rise, throwing them out of balance. Eventually comes time for Harmonic Convergence, Raava & Wan vs. Vaatu, and Vaatu wins. Ten thousand years of chaos, baby. With the last of the spirit energy as Harmonic Convergence ends, Wan fuses with Raava, then unleashes a crazy, amazing spirit attack, imprisoning Vaatu, banishing all the spirits from the physical world to the spirit world, and sealing the portals, all as an attempt to mitigate the fall out from chaos ascendent. Since then, the Avatar, imbued with the spirit of order, has fought back against the chaos to try to restore balance to the world.

Korra wakes up and panics. They have to stop Unalaq who is trying to free Vaatu, probably because he wants to destroy the world or something. But when she next has a chance to confront Unalaq, he’s like, not you stupid girl. I’m not trying to destroy the world; I’m trying to save it. Wan was right to side with order, but wrong to think he could stop chaos by teaming up with Raava and destroying it from without. No chaos is inside all of us, the evil infesting every human heart (Unalaq’s words, not mine) and it can only be dominated through one’s own strong force of will and conviction. So his plan is to fuse with Vaatu and then dominate her, destroy her chaos and using her power to allow him to bring his order across all of existence, both in the physical and spirit worlds. Korra’s not too keen on that plan either. She’s still going to stop him.

Korra fails to stop him. Harmonic Convergence begins, Vaatu is freed, she goes inside of Unalaq, and she immediately subsumes him. Turns out you can’t eliminate all the chaos in the world just by willpower, you absolute looney toon. Vaatu explains that even as Unalaq was planning to use her, she was using him to get free and now is going to use him as a meat puppet to help her fight Raava & the Avatar.

So, they fight, and for a bit it’s evenly matched, then Vaatu gains the upper hand. Just as Vaatu appears she’s about to deal the finishing blow, Unalaq briefly regains control and interrupts her – to be clear, he manages this because of his desperate need for order and control, not out of any affection for Korra. While he’s in control he says something in defiance of Vaatu that coming from Unalaq we can hear is clearly some fascist bullshit, but also echoes something that Wan/Raava said back in their battle with Vaatu. And Korra’s like, wait, hold up a second.

Lightbulb turns on for Korra at that moment, and by the time Vaatu has resecure control, Korra has dropped her offensive stance. She tells Vaatu she doesn’t want to fight her; she wants her to fuse with her and Raava. Neither Vaatu nor Raava like this idea. Korra has to go on the defensive holding off Vaatu’s attacks, and has to internally fight against Raava wanting to attack Vaatu all while trying to sell them both on this idea. She explains that too much chaos has been bad for the world, but too much order would be bad too – case in point, Unalaq. Both chaos and order, both Raava and Vaatu are needed for balance. And yeah, they can achieve balance by constantly fighting each other, with every encounter ending as a draw, or they could achieve balance through harmony together. Because even as they are opposites, they are one and the same, a part of a greater whole. A bunch of stuff to that effect, including mentions of the Northern Water Tribe upsetting the balance by trying to dominate the Southern Water Tribe, and also a shout out to Tui and La in there somewhere, the original Yin/Yang Avatar couple. Eventually Korra convinces them, she fuses with Vaatu, and Harmonic Convergence ends in a tie, returning the world to balance once again.

And of course, now that balance has been achieved, Korra leaves the spirit portals open. Remember in this version spirits and humans got along fine, and the separation was only necessary because the world had fallen out of balance. And yes, the rejoining of the physical and spirit worlds was probably something Unalaq wanted too, but we’re not giving him credit for it, because for every good idea a fascist ever had, there’s someone else who isn’t a fascist who had the same idea, but better, because it wasn’t coming from a fascist.

[thequiver]

i need that bruce and arkham essay plz

I’ll answer this tomorrow I told you almost two and a half hours ago and yet here I am. At almost 4 am so bear with me folks.

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS DISCUSSION OF TROUBLING ACTIONS, SERIOUS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, AND VIOLENCE

So, what really starts me in on discussions around Bruce and Arkham, and something I feel like a lot of people either don’t know, conveniently ignore, or forget is that Bruce was in his youth, an Arkham patient. Specifically Alfred sent Bruce to an Arkham boy’s’ rehabilitation facility upstate. Against his will. Because he was obsessed with the idea of shooting and killing his parent’s murderer and had almost attempted suicide. This rehabilitation facility is where Bruce meets and befriends Harvey Dent. But this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Following his stint at the rehabilitation facility- Bruce exhibits even more troubling behavior, which suggests that his time at an Arkham facility did not teach him healthy coping mechanisms or do much to help him learn to process his emotions. While still a young man (18 or under) Bruce:

Responded to a question a teacher asked in class by burning it into their front yard

Hired a homeless man to pretend to be Alfred to sign paperwork that would authorize the erasure of his memories via electroshock therapy (he ultimately did not go through with the procedure)

Used the Irish mob to track the location of Joe Chill and then interrogated him

Now I understand that despite having a certification in mental health first aid, and having PTSD, that I am by no means an expert in human psychology. But I feel comfortable saying that the Arkham system failed Bruce Wayne and that Bruce Wayne does not have healthy coping mechanisms.

Bruce ultimately did not commit suicide because he believed it would not be what his parents wanted for him, and vowed instead to dedicate his life to stopping crime - from that moment until he finds Joe Chill and learns that the motivation behind his parents death was simply that Chill needed a quick buck and that his parents death, to quote the fandom wiki had “no deeper meaning,” Bruce’s quest for vengeance and stopping crime is based around a conspiracy surrounding his parent’s murder that he has concocted in his own mind. One might think that after learning that the motivation behind the murder of his parents was money, and Bruce Wayne being a billionaire that he might have stopped to consider that perhaps crime is motivated by poverty, but alas, world’s greatest detective my ass.

Bruce, now fueled by the loss of his parents and the anger that his parents death has been reduced to the need for a quick buck begins his multi- year training montage. During this montage, while he’s ignoring Alfred’s attempts to contact him, Bruce let’s an assassin into the home of one of the men training him, and the man’s dying breath warns him that death would come of fostering close personal relationships, and Bruce sure didn’t listen to therapy, but he does take that message to heart. As a way to formally end his training, Bruce then climbed to the top of Wayne Tower and jumped off.

These are not the decisions of a man who is mentally healthy.

From pretty much the get go we see Bruce go from a child who was powerless in a situation where his parents were taken from him, into a damaged young man who was failed by a mental health facility and then spent seven years training to beat the absolute shit out of criminals after finding out that his parents were killed for a quick buck. The Joker at one point has to stop Bruce from stabbing the Riddler in the face. And of course we’ve all seen Bruce almost beating criminals to death and beating the shit out of his kids, and forming plans on how to take down other superheroes. These are not healthy behaviors.

But how does Arkham tie into this beyond Bruce being a former patient? What I’ve tried to do is establish a few things.

Bruce Wayne was failed by the Arkham system (a system that, at the time of her death, his mother was desperately trying to reform)

Bruce Wayne has control issues (both in that he has issues regulating his emotional responses and those responses lean towards extreme and violent behavior, and that he wants to be in control and he wants to be right all the time)

Bruce has not made an attempt to seek professional help since Alfred sent him to the rehabilitation facility (or as I said in another post of mine “Bruce refuses to get therapy and make that everyone else’s problem.”)

Bruce has self destructive tendencies

Arkham is a system that Bruce cannot control. He couldn’t control it when he was a patient, and he wouldn’t be able to control it as a major donor seeking to fix the broken system that failed him and carry on his mother’s legacy. What medical professionals in a mental health facility do are outside of his control.

Furthermore while punching a criminal to the point of near death or disfigurement, or dropping an unconscious goon at the police station will typically stop a run of the mill mugger, thief, etc, from committing more crimes at least for a while (assuming of course that they can even make an arrest when the chain of custody on any evidence has been broken), more high profile criminals the ones we see as recurring members of the Rogues Gallery who seem to be motivated by something other than poverty are typically found unsuited for trial and would thus be sent to a rehabilitation facility, like Arkham.

These high profile villains offer more of a fight than a mugger who hasn’t had a proper meal in the last two days, and as such they can usually injure Bruce while he’s in the Batsuit. This feeds into two of Bruce’s things- his self destructive behavior, and his history of violent behavior. But- is Arkham worked, if the rogues really were to be rehabilitated the opportunity for the catharsis brought on by the violence both towards and from them would be gone, Bruce would not be in control of their recovery, and as we’ve seen, Arkham has failed Bruce, and imo it’s unclear if he thinks Arkham can actually help people.

Bruce doesnt fix Arkham because that would mean admitting that it failed him, that it needs fixing because he is not mentally well, he does not want to admit that he is not in control of himself or that he is in some way “damaged.” Fixing Arkham would also stop the revolving door of break ins/outs that provide him with the catharsis brought on by violence- if it ceases to be real life monopoly jail the frequency of these encounters would dwindle and as many of us know, bad coping mechanisms often become a habit and Bruce would become twitchier.

Furthermore, handling all of the Arkham break outs gives Bruce a sense of accomplishment on his self assigned mission to squash crime- he’s handling all of these big name villains, on a rotating basis means that he is busy with at least one of the rogues pretty much all the time. This sense of accomplishment is important, after all, it’s not like he’s doing anything to stop crime at the source, and without a sense of accomplishment how could he ever hope to moralize at other heroes and hold them to an impossible standard that he himself is not even meeting?

Bruce’s time in the Arkham system is something that is often overlooked but does quite a bit in shaping Bruce’s perspective and decision making. And they’re not good decisions or good perspectives.

[popculturebuffet]

Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck Restrospective: The Raider of the Copper Hill! “You Got Rich Son”

Hello all you happy people! And welcome back to my retrospective of the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck! It’s been far too long, almost three months since we last checked in with Scrooge and frankly I feel i’ve been spacing these entries out too much for this one and for the retrospectives that aren’t paid for in general. So expect at least one McDuck adventure a month till I finish, possibly two when I can swing it like this month. 

Now i’m done beating myself up, when we last left off a younger more naive, more optimistic and less experienced Scooge took up a career as a cowboy for  Cattle Baron, gained his first sidekick in the form of his Horse Hortense, and took out some cattle thieves with the help of Teddy Fucking Roosevelt. 

This chapter marks the end of the story’s first act. The first act is about a younger and far nicer Scrooge: still onrey and still a cheapskate, but still a good kid and far more outwardly friendly and welcoming, a far cry from the bitter untrusting man we come to know. This chapter is one of the reasons why, as Scrooge learns a hard lesson about wealth and success, the sacrifices one needs to make for family and about sticking your hand in a lightbulb while it’s plugged in. So join me under the cut as Scrooge meets another valuable mentor, one of his greatest enemies, and about 50 feet of barbed wire. 

We begin with the end of Scrooge’s time as a ranch hand and cowpunch. With homesteaders moving in and dividing up the land, Murdo simply dosen’t have the space for cattle baroning anymore and has to let Scrooge go and head back to texas. We do get a great bit of Scrooge wrapped in barbed wire, having gone to cut some down so Murdo could move the herd out. 

So with his Job done and parting on good terms with his old boss, Scrooge sets up his own homestead on some land near the Anaconda Silver Mine, trying to make it as a prospector, starting on the path that would eventually lead him to riches.. in about a decade and a half.

 So Scrooge bemoans his rotten luck over Dinner with a stranger, Marcus Daly owner of said mine... who just.. randomly sat down to have dinner with a 17 year old. 

Marcus belays his own woes: While Scrooge has failed at what he tried to do, having gotten into both steamboating and cattle punching too late to go anywhere with either, Daly has a silver mine that’s full of copper: decent amoutns of it but still not what his investors wanted. 

Both however find their fortunes reverse in an instant in the weirdest way possible. The light goes out at their table and Scrooge tries to adjust it only to electcute himself. To his shock...

He finds out it’s running on electricty, which is starting to become widespread.. and requires vast amounts of copper wiring. Scrooge is back in the game but finds trouble getting equipment as the local seller naturally is a jackass who jacks up the price. Scrooge instead sells the gold teeth his dad gave him to the nearest gentleman after talking him into it. . And i’ts not even the weirdest transaction i’ve seen this week. 

For the record those weird things are the guy on the left’s skinflakes, his power is to make naked golems of himself out of his dandruff and skin flakes and what have you, while the guy on the right is paying for a mutant with a star for a head. So yeah a scottish cowboy selling his ancestor’s dentures to pay for mining gear is refelshingly tame after all of this. 

So we get the comic equivleant of a montage as Scrooge starts his work at prospecting, making a portable homesteader shack as a miner owns any land he lives on, and moving around to try and find it, but he runs into a problem: with his last two careers he had mentors to help him learn what to do: Pothole taught him riverboating and Murdo helped him learn to ride the trails. Here he has no one and while you can self teach a lot of things prospecting isn’t one of them. 

He end sup finding one though as a rich gentleman asking about the mine happens to wander by: Howard D. Rockerduck. If that names sounds familiar it should as he’s indeed the father of exactly who your thinking of and we meet a young 10 or so year old john who asks him to stop dealing with a grubby workman. We also find out whose responsible for him turning out ot be such a piece of work as his mother’s response to his father telling him “I used to be a grubby workman is well... word’s cant’ do this amount of classist bulslhit justice. 

Seriously his unnamed wife is so odious it hurts. And how the fuck did an honest, kind man like Howard end up with this bitch? It’ sbaffled me every time i’ve read this: did he marry for money? is he a gold digger? go down gold dig get down? Is she just THAT good in bed? Did he just make a horrible mistake one night? Did she lie to him about who she was? Was she replaced by a skrull? I have questions no duck comic has properly explained.. and if they have please tell me.  Also it does tickle me we’re getting a bit with a duck named howard though sadly he wears a top hat instead of a nice little bowler. And if you don’t know who howard the duck is.. shame on you. And if you’ve seen the movie.. my deepest sympathies. 

While Howard laments wanting to horsewhip his son, this was a century ago with change mind you standards were different and also John sucks. Howard crticizes Scrooge’s techqniue after introducing himself, and Scrooge and him get into a bit of a tizzy, with Howard offering to teach him for two cents.. but the hostility quickly desolves hours later as Scrooge realizes Howard was right and he’d been doing things completely wrong and the thrill of hard honest work again has washed away any ego driven competiviness. 

I”ll get more into Howard in a second but he does eventually strike copper, and while the vein is full it’s also thin. But Howard has one final trick and takes Scroogey for an ore test. I tried to find more on this but just found a lot of ways to do it yourself and what not. I”m now really intrigued how they did this and found the content of minerals. I know it’s a dull subject but i’m curious how they did it with the technology of the time. Did they just use acids like I found? If so how’d they get them? I do say this is one of the great qualities of Rosa’s works: he makes you want to learn more about history. I looked up more about TR after the last chapter and now I want to know how the hell metallurgy worked in the late 1800′s. 

We then get an intresting interacton as Scrooge.. warmly greets the townsfolk and vice versa.. yes the same Scrooge who as an adult would be introduced proclaming...

Is warm, optimistic and wholeheartedly belieives...

As you can probably tell by Howard’s reaction and what Scrooge becomes.. this story’s all about shattering that notion and is the first of two to shatter the poor kid’s trust in people and make him into the bitter old sod we know. 

The sample comes back 55% positive... which leaves Howard rushing to get Scrooge to a court house. As it turns out there’s an old, very real for the time, mining law called the Law of Apex: whoever owns the land closest to where an ore vein is on the surface owns the whole thing... so legally Scrogoe owns the ENTIRE ANACONDA COPPER MINE, which at this point as detailed in the time skip has gone from struggling to utterly thriving and sucessful. Whoever owns the land at the time the Judge rules it gets the mine.. and Scrooge’s friends, who seconds ago were concerned about him being dragged into court.. are now all scrambling to take his fortune, something Howard dosen’t seem at all suprised about. 

But while this may be a kinder, more naive Scrooge McDuck, it’s still SCROOGE MCDUCK. His response is to cut a nearbye power wire and swing it tarzan style over to hortense and ride her back ahead of the mob... with the electric wire slapping her rear and causing her to go extra fast.. and also quit. So Scrooge stands alone but manages to take out some of the ruffians with his shack while John and the Judge rush to the site. As for Scrooge well... you want to see what a McDuck family beserker rage against an ENTIRE angry mob of opportunistic assholes look like? 

And this isn’t even the most badass thing Scrooge will do this series. Or even in the next few issues. That’s how awesome this series is: fighting an angry mob SOLO with simply his pure rage and whatever he can grab and throw. And he WINS. He’s exausted and passes out, falling out of the sky on his final opponent.. but he took out what was at the LEAST 50 men, and ONLY passed out because one of them threw dynamite in his out house.. and even THAT didn’t kill him or put him out, simply casuing him to land on said dynamite throwing idiot and wins. 

We find out Rockerduck actually was one of the mine’s owners but helped Scrooge anyway: he has more than enough money and all it’s going to do in the end is go to a greedy brat. Marcus Daly shows up and while he’ll get the law overturned eventually, he still has to shut down while that happens and finds the right officials to bribe. And this is the 1800s... you gotta go by train to do your bribes. You can’t just do that shit over email and hidden bank accounts. Daly offers him 10,000.. but given what Scrooge could earn even before he got his mine back, Scrooge turns it down. 

However this victory is bittersweet as Scrooge warmly greets his friends.. only for one to cuss him out and the other to tell him to get loss. We then get one of my faviorite exchanges in this story.

This whole Panel is a masterwork. The sheer INNOCENCE on Scrooge’s face, almost looking like Donald, desperately wondering what he did, when as Howard points out.. he did nothing wrong. He simply got successful and they resent him for it. 

This has been a hard paragraph for me to write as I want to tread carefully. People do have good reasons to scorn the rich or celebrtiies sometimes. Some rich people or those in the media are genuinely terrible. Jeff Bezos, Tucker Carlson, Mel Gibson, Louie CK, Joss Whedon and even someone as low on the totem pole as Doug Walker is odious. And of course we all can think of one odious example of rich bastard i’d rather not think of, especially when thinking of John D Rockerduck and what he’l lbecome as an adult that i’m not giving a pleasure of the name drop but came to mind. 

But even for good people becoming succesful puts up a barrier between you and other people: Fans of yours will admire you or write fanfic or what have about you without even knowing you, i’ve been on that side, and some people will hate you just because without valid reason, especially in this day and age. Success breeds resentment and even people you trusted and loved can sometimes turn on you. It’s the double eged sword of achieving your dreams: You get what you wanted but you often loose what you had. 

And it was no diffrent two centuries ago, with Scrooge’s friends only being friendly as long as it suited them, turning on him first to steal his chance at glory and then to scorn him for daring to achieve it. Some people.. are only there for you as long as your not above them. And sometimes you can be happy. Look at Tom Hanks, who has a lovely family and a long and storied career. Or Linkara, a youtuber who has been at this for over a decade, has tons of fans, a loving wife with her own succesful channel, and just recently got contacted by his childhood heroes. You CAN be happy and successful.. it’s just very hard to make it that far. 

One of the central points of life and times is that’s often not the case: You can get what you want but it comes at a cost. And it’s how you pay that price that will determine how happy you are. Another central point intertwined with it is it’s not the journey but the destination, and i’ts how Scrooge takes that journey that ultimately leads him where he ends up good and bad. And we get an all to telling all too foreboding hint in how he takes everyone he knew for at least a year turning on him overnight. 

When faced with his first real loss on this Journey that wasn’t material.. he dosen’t care. He has his money and riches and that’s enough. And as we’ll see that attitude will cost him greatly. Howard is irate for a moment, hoping he wasn’t wrong in trusting Scrooge.. and indeed, for now, turns out to have placed his faith in the right person as Scrooge gets a telegram: his family needs him. And while he could stay, turn his back on them, and earn MILLIONS.. he tells Howard  to tell the owner he’s taking the deal. For now when given the choice between his family and his fortune, SCrooge will choose them. Sadly.. that won’t hold true forever. 

With this being the end of his time in the story, as he has a still insufferable John buy him a horsewhip for horrific but darkly funny reasons, as John brags about how rich his father is not realizing he’s buying his own whupping tool, i’d like to touch on Howard D Rockerduck and how amazing he is. Rosa managed to pack a throughly interesting, throughly engaging character into only 8 pages. While Rockerduck DID show up earlier in of ducks dimes and destinys, he wasn’t really fleshed out or named and only showed up for one page so still 9 pages total. 

But in those we see a kind and noble man whose easily what Scrooge COULD have been, kind, noble, generous, hardworking and willing to give up money to help people. He’s a good man.. but even he’s seen the sacrifice Money brings. He’s clearly lost friends, lost a sense of peace, and married the wrong Woman, whose poisoned his children into a spoiled brat who will only grown into an even more spoield adult in both continuities.. if raised quite a bit earlier in the 2017 cartoon as he was made scrooge’s contemporary there rather than a child, but semeantics. Point is Howard hismelf isn’t wholly satisfied with his success.. and that’s what he and Scrooge will forever have in common, with Scrooge, likely as a result of meeting the Rockerducks, fearing an indadiquate inheritor and someone squandering what he worked hard for. Though his reasons for not taking up a wife as we’ll see eventually, if outside the main 12 part story but I intend to cover the subchapters in their own time, aren’t entirely motivated by avoiding goldigging but a broken hard and his own stubborness. 

For now though we bid Howard and america adue. Scrooge however for once ends an occupation with less bitterness. Unlike his last two ventures where he made it out with only enough to get to the next one here he made it out ahead: he now has a decent suit, likely bought for him by Howard given he hasn’t cashed the check yet, I know this as it’s a major plot point for next time, 10,000 dollars.. and experince. He may of not gotten all the money he was due on this venture, but he learned more valuable skills and he feels with a land like america, the next opportunity to earn some dough is just waiting for him to get back. And as the chapter ends he muses that maybe the country could use a symbol of this countries boundless opportunity...

Final Thoughts for the Raider of the Copper Hill:

This chapter is one of my favorites. It’s nicely paced, something Rosa himself admits was often a struggle as he had to cover years at a time, has a wonderful new mentor for Scrooge, and sets up a lot of the tragedy to come in the last act beautifully. It’s a nice closer for our first act, showing Scrooge has come out of his first trip to america wiser, more experinced and more hopeful, but at heart still the same kind and noble kid he left Glasgow as. The next act is about the change of that boy into a man, how he will finally find his fortune after some more adventures.. and how the last viestges of his kindess and optimisim towards others die at the hands of a certain fake scotish gentleman. 

Next Life And Times: As is tradition for this series act openers, Scrooge returns home.. and just in time to get his castle back, fight a duel and go to heaven and back. So an average McDuck tuesday then. 

If you liked this review follow for more. And if you liked it a lot join my patreon so I can keep making these and hit my stretch goals. Even at just the 2 dollar level you get access to my discord and your pick of shorts whenever I do a series of them and with Goofy and Donald’s birthdays being the next ones to be celebrated you can’t pick a better time. patreon.com/popculturebuffet See you at the next rainbow. 

[mnemehoshiko]

STAR WARS INTO DARKNESS

A (Salt) Review of Star Wars Episode 9: The Rise of Skywalker.

Warning 1: All opinions are mine and no one (sadly) paid me for them.

Warning 2: I’m going to strive to be charitable as possible. Keyword, STRIVE.

It finally came. The conclusion to the Skywalker Saga, a nine film series starting with Shmi Skywalker and her lineage. 

When we left the The Last Jedi; Finn was tenderly checking up on Rose who endangered her life to save him. Steadily finding his place in the Resistance and deciding that it was a cause worth fighting for. Ben Solo, also known to the galaxy as Kylo Ren, has just killed his life long abuser but failed to relinquish himself from the ties of the past. Rey was dealing with detaching herself from the idea that she needed to Be Someone in Order to Do Something only to realise that she, a nobody, was good enough. As Leia Organa said, we have all we need.

Cool right?

Yeah, just forget that movie. Actually, just forget like any development that occurred over the last two movies. Furthermore, turn your brain off. No, really please remove any kind of higher cognitive function and any knowledge of Star Wars beyond “pew, pew, pew” and “wOOO”. That’s literally the only way to truly enjoy this film.

This movie is a quest. A long big-budget multi-step fetch quest. Fetch quests are a common part of RPGs and can be enjoyable! Add to the narrative! Interactive. A movie that is nothing but fetch quest after fetch quest to the point that honestly, the first two thirds of the movie could have been dropped because it was so distressingly nonsensical. 

Loose summary; 

Ben Solo is on a planet. Being very very lorge and murking people left and right. Why? Because reasons. That this planet happens to be Mustafar and that he’s killing Vader Cultists evidently is not considered relevant. Even though Ben Solo introduction in TFA, which JJ wrote (with the assistance of Kasdan and Arndt), is basically as Vader’s #1 fanboy. But who cares about narrative information when you have sweet sweet red lighting and like a flight scene.

Anyway, Ben heads to Exegol because evidently that’s where the fancy schmancy totally Not A Holocron is directing him towards. In which he approaches some goth-esque temple with vats of Snokes. Yes, You Heard Correctly, Vats of Snokes. And Palpatine. Who’s just hanging on a crane. Just chillin’ and gleefully tells Ben Solo that he’s been every voice in his head since birth. So learning your abuser is still alive is totally dope. But hey, PALPATINE IS BACK! REMEMBER PALPATINE? ISN’T THAT COOL, yells JJ Terrio desperately trying to like Hype You Up And Remind You Of The Star Wars of Their Childhood.

Finn and Poe “I Have Literally No Purpose To Any of This Narrative and JJ Terrio is About to Fuck Over My Backstory” Dameron are getting data from a contact. For some reason a glorified dick-shaped Alien is there. Consequently, this is the same alien that replaced Rose Tico on merchandise. A reasonable person with minimal brain function would assume it’s because he plays a critical role in the plot.  Remember what I said about thinking? Stop it. Klaud is there primarily for you to admire that JJ’s tentacle kink is Alive and Well and Thus Everything Is True (tm) Star Wars Again. 

Rey is floating surrounded by rocks because That’s What Cool Jedi Do. Then she does a training course because after two films we have absolutely no proof that she has any fight training, according to Reddit and like JJ Terrio is trying to get Reddit to go to the Star Wars Prom with them. So, we need a training montage and Rey going to robo-Leia and saying that she will “earn [Leia’s] brother’s saber”. Why would she want to earn a grumpy curmudgeon who fucked over his only nephew and hid from his twin sister for years? Well, JJ Terrio dreamed of earning Luke’s saber and like what is the purpose of writing other than Wish Fulfillment.

Palpatine is back! Why? We don’t know and we don’t even know what he said because evidently it was decided that it belonged in Fortnite...instead of the film. Why? Here’s a lollipop and a pew pew to stop thinking sweetie. Either way he’s on Exegol and Rey saw notes scribbled in the margins that you need a Sith Holocro-- I mean ~Sith Wayfinder~ --because JJ has never seen Star Wars since he saw it in the theaters in 1983-- to get there. Which is on Pasaana.

WHICH IS HAVING SPACE BURNING MAN RIGHT NOW! (which happens every forty two years. Which is how long ago Star Wars Episode 4 Premiered. Remember fans! Isn’t that a Cool Thing To Drop? says JJ Terrio deftly skimming Reddit in order to gain fanbros love and affection and nostalgia boners.) LOOK AT ALL THE ALIENS DOING THE SPACE MACARENA! Because WOO DON’T YOU LOVE PARTY SCENES?

The force bond shows up and you can some how transfer stuff between the bond? Which like in the hands of another writer would be fascinating and engaging. Sadly, this is a JJ Terrio production and nuanced storytelling and dialogue is Fake and Not Star Wars.

Either way, Ben knows that they’re there and they are running from stormtroopers RIGHT INTO LANDO CALRISSIAN,-- remember him? goes JJ Terrio. You remember Lando right?. I do, I go. I’ve seen the movies and you’ve given no reason why Finn and Rey would know who the fuck he is seeing how he’s evidently been living as a hermit In The Same Outfit for over a decade. (BUT REMEMBER HIM, whines J.J. Terrio. Yes, I do. I SAW THE FUCKING OT JJ).

Anyway, more exposition occurs because JJ Terrio has no understanding how visual language works and it detracts from Real Star Wars Things Like - Space Chases - Pew Pew - Witty quips! because Witty quips! Are Important for A Star Wars, says JJ Terrio.

Nevermind that stormtroopers could fly since the Clone Wars and there’s literally no reason as to why Finn would not know this but like that would require you to give him

- a character arc - character growth - dialogue beyond “WOOOOO” and “REYYYYYY” (also side notes; it was depressing as fuck seeing Finn’s growth in TLJ to going beyond being Rey-centric to only spend the entire movie yelling a White Lady’s Name. I GO TO THE THEATRE TO NOT SEE REALITY, JJ.)

JJ Terrio: BUT HE’S FORCE SENSITIVE?? me, who’s been on the Finn is Force Sensitive Train since TFA: AND YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH IT AND IMPLIED THAT IT WAS ONLY REASON HE WAS ABLE TO FIGHT THE STORMTROOPER PROGRAMMING??? (i.e. this is really fucking gross eugenics shit pls stop JJ Terrio and like just stop)

*deep breath*

ANYWAY, where was I? Oh yeah, Star Wars Into Darkness.

Either way, they find the Subtle Knife a Sith dagger? Along with force healing foreshadowing. But they have a dagger! Which They Can’t Read! But Threepio can! But He Can’t Say It Out Loud Because His Programming Forbids It.

And then the KoR, the galatic boy band, and Ben show up because of course. And they capture Chewie and put him on a transport.

Rey, of course, reaches out to Stop The Transport.

Ben, tries to stop her.

They to a back and forth that is similar to TLJ without any of the emotional build up of TLJ but that’s because JJ Terrio believes Emotions Are Not Star Wars.

And she lets loose LIGHTNING and makes the transport blow up and she believes Chewie is dead. Problem: Chewie isn’t dead. Which means she would be able to sense him in the Force. “But Mneme”, you say, “the Force isn’t like a GPS where you just Sense People.” That’s fair! Except....then...she does...when she’s on the Snow Planet. So like???

Either way, we have a Dagger that We Need to Read That Threepio Can’t Say Out Loud.

A Solution That Uses Braincells: well we know that the Millenium Falcon has three droid brains! So like we could just hook up Threepio to like the Falcon and transmit the codes and get some really great Easter eggs re: the Falcon and like the setup of the ship! 

....

JJ Terrio: OR WE COULD GO TO THIS SNOW PLANET me: wha-- JJ Terrio: SNOW PLANET WHERE POE DAMERON RAN SPICE me: did you just make....your Only Latino Character Into A---Drug Runner JJ Terrio: REMEMBER HAN SOLO?? HE’S JUST LIKE HIM!!! me: pls stawp pls, I’m begging you stawp JJ Terrio: ALSO LOOK AT HIM FLIRTING WITH A GIRL SO HE’S LIKE OBVIOUSLY STRAIGHT me: bi....people.....exist...like...that is...a thing JJ TERRIO: ALSO WE’LL SHOW U HER EYES TO SHOW THAT SHE’S HUMAN AND NOT A WEIRD ALIEN BECAUSE POE DAMERON IS A RED BLOODED AMERICAN LIKE REDDIT  me: pls....stop...why....

anyway, he needs a memory wipe in order for it. Which is a really touching scene....or would have been if it wasn’t immediately retconned because like R2 has backups. So like whoo.

So that’s like *two* instances of fakeout death because like Nothing Is Of Consequence Because Star Wars.

Except Leia dying because fuck moms, say JJ Terrio. Moms are Not Star Wars. The Reddit bros have now started to return their text messages.

More busy stuff happens. Hux dies. I wasn’t able to thoroughly enjoy it because by this point I had A Headache from all the Pew Pew and Wooooo~~.

Ben tells Rey that like ~her power is Palpatines power because like How Else Can Rey Be Powerful.” Does this make any sense? Not at all but like Don’t Think Too Hard.

He also finally takes off his stupid helmet that was glued together by ~Sith Alchemy~ that they bought from Space!Michaels.

Rey is vaguely disraught but like She Finally Has A Purpose and the Reddit Bros are Appeased.

More shit happens. Does it matter? Not really.

They meet Jannah! She’s cool and has the exact same backstory as Finn. Because in Star Wars There Are Only (2) Backstories for black characters.  They line up the dagger that is old as fuck with the death star wreckage. Which lines up exactly. Evidently erosion is Not A Thing. 

Finn and Jannah and basically go, Wow Isn’t It Rad That Because We Have The Force We [Finn, Jannah and her crew] Were Able To Reject Brainwashing and Bounce Because We Have The Force.

Rey runs off and Finn yells “REY!!” at some point but at least he knows his best angles while he does it.

Rey meets Dark!Rey who’s a vision....for five seconds. Because Remember if Girls Go Dark They Have Sinned In The Eyes of The Force. Ben shows up and crushes the Holocron because I refuse to call it that stupid-ass name-- dear fucking lord his hand is big--and WELP I GUESS I HAVE THE ONLY ONE.

They fight because We Need A Light Saber Fight Except This One is So Lackluster.

Then Leia reaches out to do something that will use up all her strength says Maz. How does Maz know this? Idk but she’s played by Lupita N’yongo so at least it sounds Deep And Wise because That’s Why You Cast Black People...to sound deep and wise. =_= **deeper breathe**

Anyway, she reaches out to her son! Her son hears her? I think? Either way it distracts him which lets Rey impale him. Except then she heals him?? And is like, I wanted to take your hand, Ben’s hand. which like I’d be fine with if like the movie had like worked for it. But like That Would Involve Actual Conversations Between Characters and We Are Going At 34243242432 pps (parsecs per second) and thus DO NOT HAVE TIme For That.

Ben then has a rehash of the scene from TFA because JJ Terrio is a fucking hack and is unable to create original material and this would have been meaningful if like Any of the Emotions Had Been Earn in The Fucking Film. But hey, I felt .75 of an emotion when Han Solo cradled his cheek so I will accept this. Then he yeets his saber into the ocean. Because. Yeet. Sadly, this movie is Not Over and My Suffering Will Not End

Poe and Finn head back to base with Jannah because I guess that’s what we’re doing? They find out that Leia is dead etc etc etc. The Resistance has a Circle Planning Session for the Final Battle that JJ Terrio lifted straight from ROTJ and the Reddit Bros brought them a corsage for Fanbro Prom. I am reminded that ROTJ was better than this garbage that I Paid Actual Money To Watch. Rey heads to Fish Nun island and decides to pull a Luke Skywalker move even we learned from the Last Movie (TLJ) why that was a Bad Idea but you know WE GET TO SEE LUKE AGAIN IS A GARBAGE WIG BECAUSE REDDIT BROS AMIRITE? We get the most hamfisted performance out of Mark Hamill and I’m just like damn The Last Jedi as a fucking gift and a _Jedi’s weapon is important_ platitude like his dad wasn’t yeeting his saber left and right. But Who Cares About Canon When We Have Pew Pew Pew Pew.

Luke tells her that Yes He And Leia Always Knew She Was A Palpatine which like means - Leia literally did not learn from the Last Time She Obscured Someone’s Parentage and the Fall Out - Actively lied to Rey - Luke actively lied to Rey - jfc this poor girl has been aggressively lied by most of the authority adults in her life??? - HER PARENTS SOLD HER TO PROTECT HER which is such a fucking damning think along with the fact that her parents are idiots and like didn’t think to take her to the new republic and like THERE ARE 23432432 things wrong with this set up but that is a Whole ‘Nother Rant

Also evidently? Leia ended her Jedi Journey (which abbreviated as JJ, coincidence? I THINK NOT.) because she saw her sons demised but evidently....couldn’t sense her son being groomed by Snoke, creation of Palpatine and like this entire movie makes Leia look like an ineffectual idiot?? Like I was really hoping that Leia was going to be able to escape the “Fuck Mom’s” curse of Star Wars BUT I GUESS THAT BECAUSE THAT’S NOT ~true star wars~

Anyway, evidently Leia gave him her saber which I guess she made but no one decided to show that but instead some freakish CGI (that they swore they wouldn’t do) fight scene because like Leia Obviously Isn’t A Real Force User Unless You Use A Lightsaber. The Reddit Bros Nod Sagely. So Rey decides to go to Exegol.....using the Luke’s X-Wing. The Reddit Bros are weeping tears of joy at this point.  The Resistance starts their FINAL ASSAULT! THEY HAVE SPACE HORSES RIDING ON A SHIP BECAUSE DOESN’T THAT LOOK COOL! FINN KIND OF USES THE FORCE. THEY DECIDE TO BLOW UP THE STAR DESTROYERS BECAUSE FUCK CHILD SOLDIERS AMIRITE (rip Finn’s Stormtrooper backstory that JJ constructed that He Couldn’t Even Be Arse To Complete or like Think Of Because Like That Would Be Nuanced Shit but like He Gets to - Jump Over Things! - Run! - Know His Angles - Yell desperately After A White Lady because ahahahahha fuck WOC when there’s white p*ssy on the line AMIRITE?)

Either way they’re in trouble and Poe is dismayed and is like yo i’m sorry we’re doomed. Because...that’s.....what generals do. Give The Fuck Up.  BUT DON’T WORRY LANDO IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY BECAUSE EVIDENTLY WHILE THE GALAXY IGNORED LEIA ORGANA’S PLEAS, THEY LISTENED TO LANDO

(Crack theory: He hit up all his exes.)

Rey flies to Exegol to confront Grandpalps. Who never wanted her dead but to become Empress after spending 2.5 movies wanting her dead via puppet!Snoke. Also kudos to JJ Terrio to making a Sith Temple be so fucking boring and lackluster. That Took Skill.\

ANYWAY SHE SEES HER FRIENDS IN TROUBLE MUCH LIKE IN TLJ and in ROTJ but JJ Terrio really really loves his nostalgia and ROTJ was very very very formative evidently. She’s about to Strike Him Down In Anger And Absorb Grandpapa’s essence in order to save her friends but WAIT WHO IS THIS IDIOT RUNNING IN WITH NO FUCKING PLAN Yes, it is Ben Solo channeling his father. As carrying the blaster that Lando gifted to him in Aftermath but like we can only suppose that because who Needs Convos When You Have Pew Pew Pew~ His former Knights show up (who have also never spoken because hahahahah dialogue? Sounds fake. Also moment of Silence of Rian who kept them alive and used Praetorian guards in TLJ instead because he assumed that JJ made them for a meaningful reason because he was Unaware That JJ Was A Fucking Hack)

Anyway, Rey senses him! They do a super cool force bond moment that actually Pays Off and Rey hands off her saber to Ben. Through the force. It’s dope.

#BenSoloChallenge happens.

[In spite of like No Speaking At All, Adam Driver successfully channels the aura of Han Solo in spite of JJ Terrio desperately Insisting That Poe Dameron is Obviously Han Look He Even Ran Spice!!! Look!!]

Eventually they both stand before Palpatine Ready To Throw Down except in stand Palps leeches the lifeforce from them and then yeets Ben into a pit and Rey collapses.

THEN ALL THE JEDI FROM THE MOVIES AND CLONE WARS INCLUDE AHSOKA WHICH MAKES NO SENSE GIVEN CLONE WARS BUT WHAT EVER DON’T YOU FEEL VALIDATED!!! FANS!!! SCREAMS JJ TERRIO

me: no.

Rey pulls a Wonder Woman move because all you need to do to redirect Force Lightning is cross your light sabers.  Anyway, that effort kills her (or like maybe not? Says Terrio in multiple interviews because men from Harvard Literally Never Shut Up.)

Ben somehow?? Climbs?? Out of the pit?? Under his own power because The Jedi Still Haven’t Forgiven the Skywalker Line for Anakin. Even though Anakin also reached out to Rey? I’m just assuming the soul of St. Maul of the Pit was yelling angry motivational speeches to get him out of the pit while St. Ventress adding sarcasm commentary comparing Ben and his namesake. 

EITHER WAY HE’S OUT OF THE PIT! And is like in agony because Rey is uh in limp ragdoll mode so probably dead? We’re gonna go with dead.

He limps over to her because uh evidently getting yeeted into a pit is Not Good For Ones Health or Limbs.

Ben cradles her in his arms and at that moment I had to Apologize For Everyone I Dragged for Size Kink because Adam Driver is Fucking Large and His Hand is Fucking Huge and I, Mneme, Was Wrong You Are Valid.

*cough* where was I? Ah yes, he’s cradling her in his arms realizing she’s dead and I guess? Channeling the force to heal her. Which it does.

He’s happy! She’s happy!

She says “Ben” breathlessly. 

AND THEN SHE SNOGS HIM LIKE THE AWKWARD VIRGINS THAT THEY ARE.

The Force realizes that a Male Skywalker is Getting A Boner and Goes Nope. And he just collapses and fades away at the same time that Leia fades away because ~symmetry~.  Was a war going on? Uh maybe but like LETS NOT WORRY ABOUT LOGISTICS BUT INSTEAD CUT TO EWOKS!! WE ALL LOVE EWOKS RIGHT!! Rey flies back to Ajan Kloss. Poe, Finn, and Rey hug because this movie is almost over and they can stop trying to sell a non-existent trio created because JJ didn’t have the balls to let Poe stay dead in TFA.

Commander D’Arcy kisses her wife in the background but no one really notices and it was cut in Singapore but like JJ Terrio are Woke AF Y’ALL but not too woke because else they’ll get dumped by Reddit Bros.

No, we are Sadly Not Done.

LETS GO TO A SAND PLANET. No, it’s not Jakku it’s Tatooine~ DON’T YOU GUYS REMEMBER TATOOINE!! go JJ Terrio.

You mean the planet where Anakin Skywalker was a slave, Luke Skywalker desperately wanted to leave, and Leia Organa was put into that humiliated outfit? Yes. I remember.

REY’S HERE TO BURY LUKE AND LEIA’S SABERS HERE!! At the Lars homestead that is somehow intact....in spite of Jawas. 

What wha-- why??, you may ask.

Well Luke never got to show Leia his home planet, goes JJ Terrio. Literally anyone who saw ROTJ.....they were on it in then?? JJ Terrio: i can’t see mariah carey dot gif

Rey also shows off her new lightsaber that was evidently crafted from her staff but we were not shown that  on screen because like It Was Considered To Emotional for this Film.

Then finally some old woman passes by and is like Who are you? Rey: Rey Old Nosy Lady: Rey who? *Rey stares at the Force Ghosts of Luke and Leia looking like her parents* Rey: Rey Skywalker JJ TERRIO: SEEEEE WE DID REY SKYWALKER!!! AREN’T WE COOL me: she took the name of a grumpy old man who rejected her and whom she bounced off with his shit because he was being a dick....OKAY JAN

(ffs they could have let her take the name Organa but like Fuck Women amirite? *DRINKS*)

and yeah that’s it. Kid that was brainwashed as a child was reduced to going WHOOOOO every 5 seconds with no thought regarding his fellow stormtroopers who are still brainwashed.

Kid that was abandoned under the guise of ~love~ and sold to an abusive guardian and struggled and starved for years returns to a planet of sand and yes I know that she is probably going else where but that was a choice they made to have the last shot of her Alone with a Droid staring at the twin suns because JJ Terrio have been doing nothing but spraying nostalgia in my face for just under 2 and a half hours.

Kid who was actively groomed since childhood and only just now released from said clutches but lol can’t atone because he dead now.

Kid who lost her sister to the machine of war is pushed aside because she dared to exist.

and Poe.

The End of the Skywalker Saga y’all.

Bonus: “Uh, Mneme what about Rose?” She got exactly a 76 seconds that she acted her heart out in but evidently seeing a non-submissive Asian woman in Star Wars was too much for people last film so that uh Essentially Cut Her Out. Don’t worry they made sure to give her a quarter of a page in the visual dictionary and the Merry the Hobbit two page spread. So like Don’t Worry The Asian Girl Will Not Hurt You. “Mneme, what as the point of Poe?” Fuck, if I fucking know.

“Uh Mneme, the Only Reason Finn Didn’t Have An Arc Is Because of KYLE RON!!!!” 

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

trust me, it really wasn’t.

[collecting-stories]

Love at Frost Sight

A/N: This is the Christmas fic that I wrote for my sister after she said “wouldn’t it be great if Jeffrey Dean Morgan was the love interest in one of these cheesy hallmark movies?”. I don’t intend this to be a ‘real person’ fic but I seriously can’t think of any other name for him so I’ve just been using Jeff. 

Christmas Mingle Masterlist

_* ◦ ❅ . ❄︎ * ∙ ◦ . _

Two Weeks Before Christmas 

Audrey rolled her eyes, practically into the back of her head, as she leaned against the monitor of her cash register, Jingle Bells playing for what felt like the fifteenth time since her shift started that morning. She hated Christmas and, even more than that, she hated Christmas shoppers. 

She knew that most people were preparing to celebrate the most wonderful time of the year but she was not. The only thing she was interested in celebrating was the finalizing of her divorce papers, if she could just get her ex-husband to sign. How many years could a person be separated before they took the hint and realized that it was over? She'd felt like she'd been waiting years to hear from her lawyer and with Christmas right around the corner Audrey had the sinking feeling that she was going to be waiting into the New Year. 

As customers neared her lane, she flicked the light off above her till and slipped out, heading for the customer service counter to let them know she was stepping outside for a break. She didn't smoke but if everyone else could get five minutes every time they "needed a cigarette" she should get at least ten for suffering through customers that would've been theirs. It was cold outside anyway, the fact that she was willing to brave the 30 below temperature should be indication enough that this third loop through Sliver Bells was three times too many for her nerves. Maybe she should take up smoking. 

"Cady, I'll be right back." She called, waving to the woman behind the desk. Audrey had been working retail for the last eight months, since the family owned home goods shop she'd been managing had closed down. Ten years with the same company and all she had to show for it was a couple sentences on her resume. It didn't matter now though, whether it was the home goods store or Target, it wasn't what she really wanted to be doing with her time. 

The only shining star in the entirety of her months at Target was Cady, her sometimes carpool and generally the nicest person she knew. Cady knew every Dolly Parton song from start to finish and she loved Christmas, far more than any one person should. She spent half her pay in the so-called Wondershop, obsessed with the glitziest, pinkest, most Christmas-y items there. Her apartment looked like an ad for the holiday and, if Audrey didn't desperately need a friend who didn't also know her ex, Cady's obsession would send her running for the hills. 

"You know what?" Cady's voice came from behind her and Audrey turned around to see her pulling her jacket on over her red Christmas sweater, "I saw this app for the Holidays."

"Oh god, not another holiday dating app scheme. Please, Cads, I really just came out here to be alone for a couple of minutes." Audrey insisted. She wasn't sure she had it in her to listen to some Project Christmas or Christmas Coupling app sell.  

"This isn't like those, don't be such a grinch." Cady laughed, pulling her phone out of her pocket and swiping it open to show Audrey the app she was talking about. It was exactly the Tinder for Christmas, 'meet fun people' nonsense, that Audrey suspected it would be. "You can meet people in your area who 'don't do Christmas' too...it's like a 'hey I need a date for this holiday party' deal." 

"I do Christmas," Audrey insisted, thinking immediately of her mother's impending Christmas Eve party and her brother's Christmas open house, "I just don't do 'cutting down my own tree to a montage of Santa songs'. And I don't need an app, especially a holiday one, to find a date." 

"You should give it a try, maybe you'll meet someone." 

"I'm not really interested in meeting someone." Wasn't it good enough that she'd given so much of her time and devotion to Chris? Did she have to find more of it and give that away too? She had been sincere when she told Chris that she was done. Done with relationships and love and everything that came with it. "Losing another 15 pounds or actually completing those yoga classes I'm paying for, sure, but not meeting someone."

"Maybe it'll shake you out of your funk?" Cady suggested, waving her phone in Audrey's face as if that would do anything to convince her that she should give the app another thought. 

"I'm not in a funk. I just don't like Christmas." Wasn't it enough that she didn't like Christmas? Did she have to have a reason? 

"Just give it a try." She pressured.

Audrey rolled her eyes, once again, at the peer pressure techniques of her co-worker turned friend. Cady didn't have much to complain about in the relationship department. She was dating a guy who acted like she had invented the wheel, he did everything for her all the time and their relationship felt like looking through life with an instagram filter. It was all 'no complaints' and 'everything's perfect'. 

"What's the app called?"

"Christmas Mingle." 

"I hate that so much," Audrey muttered as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened the app store. The things she would do to get her friends off her back truly astounded her sometimes. She swiped through selfies that she had stored in her phone, trying to find one that didn't look too tragic to make her profile picture. This was just what she needed at Christmas, a bunch of desperate guys eager to find someone for a couple of meaningless dates. "You might as well sign me up for the Bachelor or something."

"Don't think I haven't thought about it." Cady joked, walking beside Audrey as they headed back into the warmth of Target, the overhead speaker reminding them to do their holiday shopping in store or online. Audrey held her tongue, not wanting to give Cady any more ridiculous ideas about her love life as she finished filling out her profile. Was it too cynical to say that she hated cliche dating apps and holiday themed anything? 

Cady let out a squeal as she peered passed Audrey's arm, watching her best friend press the green ok button, "this is so exciting."

"Come on Cads, this stuff is trash and you know it. No one ever meets their soulmate on these apps." Audrey laughed, pocketing her phone as she returned to her station, shrugging off her jacket.

"Some people do. My cousin met a guy on Match and she loves him." She replied, "besides, maybe you'll get someone you can take to your mom's Christmas Eve party?"

"Oh yeah, 'hey I know we just met on an app where you could be cat-fishing me but why don't we go to my family Christmas party'. That'll be something." 

"That's what it's for." Cady pointed out. 

"Get your light on Audrey." Marci called as she walked by the register, disrupting the two women chatting. 

"It really infuriates me that she's a manager...she's like 12 years younger than me." Audrey huffed, flicking her light on and watching Marci circle back around, that bounce still in her step that Audrey had lost too long ago.

"I'm ten years younger than you." Cady joked. Audrey frowned, looking over at Cady as she smiled back. Everyone else her age felt like they were hitting milestones that Audrey wasn't anywhere close to and the fact that her closest friend was 26 years old just made her feel like she had failed somewhere along the way. Why wasn't she brunching with other moms after dropping her kids at the Y? 

"I know you wanna hang out here until someone swipes right on me or whatever but it's not gonna happen so, you might as well just head back to customer service." Audrey pointed out, knowing exactly why Cady was hovering around her till. 

"Fine...tell me the minute someone does 'swipe right' though okay?" 

"Okay, go...goodbye." Audrey waved her off as a customer stepped into her line, beginning to load their groceries as Jingle Bells started to play. 

Today was going to take a whole bottle of wine if Audrey wanted any chance at all of forgetting that she had given up the last shred of dignity she had left by uploading her profile to a dating app. And a Christmas themed one at that. 

_* ◦ ❅ . ❄︎ * ∙ ◦ . _

Though Audrey hadn't said anything about it to Cady, and she wouldn't if she could help it, she wasn't totally off the market. She had gone on a few dates, nothing serious, and nothing that had paned out so far. Mostly just guys that had her rethinking the divorce because, if this was the dating pool left, maybe Chris wasn't the worst guy on the market. She was so wary of stupid apps  like Match and Tinder because she'd tried them and they had been nothing but a disappointment. And still, she had caved to Cady. Maybe it was peer pressure or maybe there really was a small part of her that was ready to move on, even if she didn't want to admit it. And she really didn't.

Home was an apartment above a law office downtown. Once upon a time it had been in walking distance of the shop that Audrey had managed. A quaint little place on the main street of a town that felt so much like a greeting card. She had started renting the apartment the night after she told Chris that their marriage was over. Just four years into it, he was the same person he'd been when they'd married and somewhere along the line she had forgotten what about that person she actually liked. Was he funny? Kind? Intelligent? Did he tick any of her boxes? She honestly couldn't remember. It was like she'd been living in a fog and when it lifted she just up and left with it. But Chris didn't let go, just like she should've known that he wouldn't, and so she'd been waiting four extra years just for him to sign some papers. 

The little apartment that had been her home for the last four years was devoid of any Christmas decorations, an outward reflection of her inward feelings about the holiday. There was no tree, no lights, nothing to indicate that the 25th of December was more than just another day on the calendar. She kicked her shoes off by the door, sliding her feet into her slippers almost immediately as she padded across the hardwood floor in pursuit of the kitchen and the bottle of red that she had sitting on the counter. Cady had bought her a in-shower wine glass holder and she had never been more appreciative of it than she was tonight. Exhausted and annoyed and happy to be in a room that wasn't playing every Christmas song that she hated. Even the Chinese food place two stores down had a tree in their front window. 

She poured herself a glass of red and headed for the bathroom, happy for a hot shower. Just as she suspected, Chris' lawyer had never gotten back about the papers, which meant that, for a the fourth complete year in a row he was refusing to sign the papers. She knew that by now she could just file without him but something about that made her feel bad, even when she knew it shouldn't. Had it really come to that? Him holding on to nothing while she ran as far away from it as she could? She didn't owe him anything, she'd given more than enough and yet, somehow, she couldn't bring herself to go through the divorce proceedings without him. Maybe Cady was right, maybe she did need to meet a guy. The app had given no notification and honestly, she couldn't be surprised. Her life was not a movie, as much as she wished it was some Bridget Jones rom-com that could assure her that everything would work out. No one was going to immediately respond and be the perfect guy. Kiss a few toads, as she could imagine her cousin saying. 

In the four years that she had come to live in the apartment, even after the shop closed, Audrey had come to love the place. The first place she had ever lived outside of her parents house and a dorm room had been the house Chris had leased for them. It was an amazing feeling, uncompromising, to have a place that was just hers. Just her stuff, just her taste, she didn't have to cater to anyone or listen to anyone. She ate whatever she wanted, wore whatever she wanted, watched whatever she wanted. In all honesty she wasn't sure why she hadn't tried single life sooner. But she knew the one set back, the thing everyone always mentioned, especially around the holidays. Didn't she get lonely? Weren't there times when she walked through that door and wished there was someone to greet her? Didn't she long for companionship? She wasn't so sure she wanted to try companionship again, considering the way it had ended last time. She was afraid, every time she thought about it, that this was just the type of person she was...she would always enter a relationship with her rose tinted glasses and she would always be disappointed when she took them off. 

Her phone dinged from the sink and Audrey popped her head out of the shower and looked across the small bathroom, "And so it begins." She said to herself, leaving the shower running as she stepped out, wet feet soaking the towel she had laid down across the tiles. She walked to the counter and grabbed her phone, wiping the fog so she could see the notification on her screen. A message from Christmas Meet-Cute, someone had swiped. 

She hummed as she scrolled through the guy's profile. He was older, older than her. Single dad to a 7-year-old 'spitfire' named Charlie. Audrey backtracked to the shower, grabbing her glass of wine and taking a large gulp. A kid? Did she want to date a guy with a kid? It was nice of him to lay it all out there and damn, did he look amazing in his profile pic, and sure, this wasn't the start of the rest of her life but did she want to date a guy with a kid? That was not something she imagined for herself at this point in her life. Thirty-six and starting over felt a little too mature to be thinking along the lines of mom, even if there was a step in front of that. 

"Chill out," she muttered to herself, scrolling back through the app to read the message he had sent her. 

_* ◦ ❅ . ❄︎ * ∙ ◦ . _

"Come on Charlie," Jeff pleaded once more, looking away from his phone and the message that was waiting his reply. Charlie, the near spitting image of his father as a boy, was sitting at the kitchen table, eyes trained on his Nintendo Switch. The handheld gaming console sat on top of the notebook that Charlie was supposed to be doing his math homework in. The closer it got to Christmas the harder he was to reign in. "Homework before games."

"But dad...I'm almost done," he whined, eyes never straying from Animal Crossing. Jeff had cautioned his mom against buying her only grandchild a switch for his seventh birthday but she couldn't be persuaded and now he was the one paying the price. 

"We agreed buddy, school first, games second." Jeff insisted, "turn it off and finish your homework."

"Fine." He grumbled, saving the game where he was and pushing the device across the table away from him. As soon as Jeff turned his back Charlie would have the game back in his hands, they both knew it but Jeff pretended to have garnered a win as he looked back down at his phone and the message there. 

It had been almost seven years, almost Charlie's entire life, since Jeff's wife had passed away, and longer still since he had even thought about dating. But he would be lying if he said that he wasn't lonely. That once Charlie turned in for the night and it was just him, sitting up alone, that he didn't long for someone else there. A companionship that a son couldn't offer. He wanted someone in his life again, someone he could share every part of himself with. It was a little hopeful and far too cliche for a man his age but he couldn't help being that way. 

-Hey, how're you?-

It wasn't exactly the message of the century but he still mulled over his response. It felt so casual. Was he supposed to dive right in and ask her out to dinner? Should he even be considering dating a week before Christmas? He glanced back over at Charlie, craning his neck to look at the nintendo switch as he scribbled gibberish attempts at math in his notebook. Jeff took another look  at his phone and answered. 

-Doing alright, I'm pretending I know something about second grade math.-

-Sounds rough.-

Jeff smiled, shaking his head as he placed his phone down and headed back to the kitchen table.  "Alright Charlie, lets see if we can get through this math." He said, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to his son. 

"I got it." Charlie insisted as he snuck his hand across the notebook to reach for his nintendo. 

Jeff closed his hand over Charlie's, "no nintendo, remember?"

"I'm almost at the next part of the game." 

"The next part of the game will still be there." Jeff reasoned as he moved his hand, pushing the nintendo out of his son's reach. "Come on kiddo, homework first."

"Fine."

Charlie's homework didn't take as long as Jeff was afraid that it would and, as Charlie finished the last problem on the paper Jeff grabbed his phone off the counter to check the messages. The 'sounds rough' from earlier was still sitting there, alone, waiting for a response. He worried for a minute, as he typed one out, that the woman on the other end would have moved on. Life online felt like it moved a little too fast for him but he tried to keep up with it, at least in hopes that it would pay off. 

-Finally finished. Not as smart as I remember.- 

-I'm sure that's not true.-

He smiled as the text came right back. Even if this mystery person was talking to other people, and he was sure she probably was, it felt like everyone always was, he appreciated that it felt like she was only talking to him. 

"Dad!" Charlie slipped off his chair and ran into the living room where the tree was. On the record cabinet by the fireplace, the one that was playing an old jazz Christmas album, was Charlie's advent calendar. "We forgot to pick out the chocolate for today!"

"Oh man, what's today's drawer?" Jeff asked, pocketing his  phone again and walking into the living room where Charlie had grabbed a seat on the couch, advent drawer in his lap as he looked down at the two pieces of lindt chocolate. 

"Lindt!" He exclaimed, holding the pieces of chocolate up to his face like they were eyeballs. Jeff laughed as Charlie lowered them again, opening one immediately to eat it. "Lindt is my favorite!" 

"I know." Jeff ruffled his son's hair, "we'll pack the other for your lunch tomorrow, alright?"

"Okay, but don't put it in the front pocket or it'll get squished." Charlie explained, handing over the chocolate and the trash to his dad. 

Advent chocolate was followed by bedtime, changing into pajamas and reading a story, Christmas themed as per Charlie's request, before turning out the lights for bed. Once he was sure that Charlie was on his way to falling asleep Jeff headed back downstairs to finish cleaning up the kitchen. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and took his phone out as he reclined on the couch. These were the moments that he missed his wife the most. He knew it should've been at baseball games or birthday parties but it wasn't. It was once Charlie was asleep and he was alone again, not something he had ever really been accustomed to in his life and certainly not something he enjoyed. 

-Sorry, I had to put my son to bed.-

-No worries, I'm watching some cheesy Christmas movie my friend suggested and enjoying some Chinese food.-

-What's your order?-

-Why?-

Jeff took a sip of his beer as he texted, feeling somewhat like a teenager, staying up late at night to talk to a girl. 

-A bad Chinese order is a deal breaker.-

-Damn, so soon? Ok. S&S chicken and these like, rice noodles. Idk what they're called but they are AMAZING!-

-Thats all? Come on.-

-I'm one person! How much food do you want me to eat?-

-You gotta have leftovers.-

-I know this sounds gross but leftover Chinese for breakfast is like a weird comfort food for me.-

-How would you feel if I proposed right now?-

-Moving a little fast there Jeff? Lol, maybe a date first?-

-Name the time and place.-

_* ◦ ❅ . ❄︎ * ∙ ◦ . _

The mulling was somehow worse than Audrey remembered it being. That gnawing feeling on inadequacy as she stood in front of her closet and tried to piece together some sort of smart but casual outfit that didn't scream 'hopeless' when she put it on. She tried the black dress she'd bought two years ago but it felt too much like she was dressing for a funeral. Red felt too on the nose; a date at Christmastime in a red dress? How much more of a cliche could she make herself? She settled, after all that stressing, on a fairisle sweater that wasn't too loose and a pair of jeans tucked into her favorite chelsea boots. Maybe it wasn't exactly the vibe she was going for but in looked nice enough and she could get away with the french braid that she had resolved not to take out of her hair. 

She had called Cady in a panic. The only friend she could reach out to in her moment of anxious fear that she was making a terrible mistake. She'd been on other dates and she'd never felt like this, which was either a good thing or a terrible thing that she was dressing up for the sake of wanting something she wasn't sure she wanted. 

"What am I supposed to say? Hey nice to meet you, these are the parties I'd like you to date me for?" Audrey asked, walking to the door and then back again in search of shoes that ended up being in her closet. 

"You know he doesn't have to come to my party? I already know you're single." Cady pointed out. 

Audrey wanted to say that she hated Cady's dumb parties. A bunch of 20 somethings hanging onto their high school years, talking about bands that Audrey didn't care to listen to and trying to out  'counterculture' each other. "That's not even close to the point of my question." She replied.

Cady sighed through the phone, "just relax, drink some beers and have a nice night." 

Audrey stopped to look herself over in the mirror, checking her teeth for lipstick. The red popped against her skin and she leaned forward in the dim hall light, "I think my roots are coming in."

"So?"

"So I'm not 26 babe," Audrey replied, "my roots are already greying."

"You're so dramatic, you probably look amazing." Cady was always ready with a encouragement and Audrey chose to take it, promising to call her when she got home before hanging  up and leaving the apartment before she could change her mind about any part of herself or the night. 

Jeff had chosen the place. The brewhouse at the bottom of the hill, where the stores turned into the pike and the neighborhood was even less residential. She walked, which might not've been the smartest decision, especially when she got all the way to the bottom of the hill, slightly out of breath, bundled in the green coat her mom had bought her two winters ago to 'add some color' to her wardrobe. If it wasn't so warm she'd have regifted it. The coat lasted until she hit the inside of the brewhouse and then she was pulling it off, warm from the walk and the heat blasting at the entrance. She scanned the bar for a moment as she folded the coat over her arm, smiling when she recognized Jeff at the other end. He looked just like his profile picture, thick black glasses, the begins of a salt and pepper beard, he was taller than she thought he would be but she certainly couldn't complain about that. 

"Hi," she felt suddenly nervous. She'd been fine to text with him the other night but now, she was feeling like a teenager. But the nerves disappeared almost immediately as Jeff smiled, holding his arms out and wrapping her in a hug. It was warm and friendly and she couldn't help that brief moment of wishing that she could settle into the hug and never let go. But she had to so she did, letting go of him and stepping back just enough that she was still taking up his space just slightly. "How're you?"

"Alright," He replied, "admiring these holiday specials," he tapped the cardboard sign that sat on the bar, advertising seasonal cocktails. 

"I think I'll stick to a beer." Audrey laughed, "I can buy a bottle of something cheaper and make my own cocktails."

"Nothing beats getting drunk at home." He agreed, flagging the bartender. 

"That's my life in a nutshell," she said. "So how does this work, we get drinks and then head upstairs to get seated?"

"Yeah, figured it was more casual that way," Jeff replied. He'd only been to the brewhouse a handful of times, usually with Charlie or with friends but the food was delicious and their beers were top notch so he figured, if nothing else went right, at least he could offer Audrey a nice meal. 

"Works for me," she replied, ordering the same beer as Jeff when the bartender asked what she wanted, "I don't think I've ever been in here, it's so cute. I'm not usually into Christmas decorations." 

"Not into Christmas decorations?" He laughed, taking a sip of his beer. 

"Is that your deal breaker?" Audrey asked, a slow smile lighting up her features as she watched him laugh and shake his head. 

"No, I'll let you off the hook for that one." 

"I appreciate it." Audrey replied. She took her beer from the bar, stepping away and letting Jeff rest his hand on her lower back as he walked them through the small crowd to the stairs that led up to the restaurant upstairs. "I feel like I should ask what deal breakers you do have?" She said as the host led them to a corner table near the window. 

"Not too many." He admitted, "I mean, I've got Charlie so...good with kids is pretty much the standard." 

"I'm not around too many but my brother says I'm a hell of a babysitter," She joked, "I could get you some references." 

"I'll take your word for it." Jeff had an easy laugh, like a wave crashing over her and wrapping her in the best kind of calm. 

Audrey tucked her hands into her lap, crossing her legs as she looked over the menu, "so why Christmas Mingle?" She asked, "who're you trying to get off your back?" 

"Family," Jeff replied, taking off his glasses. He pulled the hem of his undershirt out from beneath his sweater, wiping the lenses off and then holding them up to the light. "I could clean these a thousand times and they'd still be dirty." He huffed. 

Audrey smiled, "my dad does the breathing on them thing to clean them." 

"Breathing on them thing?" 

"Yeah," she reached her hand across the table, "here?" 

Jeff handed his glasses over, the tips of his fingers brushing against hers as she took them. He watched as Audrey took a breath, letting it out and fogging up the lenses. She used the sleeve of her sweater to clean them before handing them back to him. "What's the verdict?"

"Good as new," Jeff smiled. "So what about you? Why're you succumbing to the dating app world?"

"Cause my best friend is 26 years old and drinking in the shower is lonely." Audrey joked, earning another laugh from Jeff, one that sent shivers right down her spine and made her lean forward a little more. "Honestly, I separated from my husband four years ago and I'm just, ready to move on. Sorry, I know that's like-"

"Nothing wrong with that. People change." He replied, an easy sort of understanding that Audrey honestly couldn't remember experiencing before. 

When she had first told her parents that she and Chris were separating they had practically recoiled, the abject horror of their youngest child, their last to be married but seemingly their most in love, calling off the marriage that they had been so happy about. Friends had felt divided and still did, awkwardly dancing around the subject of Chris when they spoke to her, even now. It was a circumstance of that awkwardness that had Audrey ignoring her friends. Cady had only known her after. She didn't know the happiest moments of Audrey's life with Chris, it was easy to get sympathy and support from her. But this was different. The way Jeff said 'people change' made it seem not so taboo, not so horrible, not so worthy of guilt. 

"I was the one who did all the changing, I think." Audrey admitted. "Are you?"

"Charlie's mom passed away," Jeff answered. 

"Oh gosh," she took a sip of her beer, cheeks flushing just slightly. Here she was, feeling bad about being (almost) divorced and Jeff was telling her that he had lost his wife. "I'm so sorry."

"Charlie was, just a baby when it happened. So it's been almost seven years."

"Doesn't really seem like it makes it easier." Audrey replied. "People say it does, but," she trailed off and Jeff shrugged, taking a drink from his beer glass. 

The waitress came around to take their orders, a pleasant lull in conversation that seemed to have advanced too far for a first date. Audrey wasn't exactly sure what made good first date etiquette anymore; whenever she had dated in the past she had always let them lead the conversation and let herself drift off. Now, making an effort to actually talk to him, to ask intelligent questions that felt interesting but not too serious too soon, she felt a sort of pressure she hadn't since she was in her 20s. The last time she'd been on a first date that she wanted to be a second she had gone out with Chris and they were so young and everything felt so exciting. And  this was exciting, Jeff was exciting, but there was a comfortable sort of reality that set around her. A maturity, maybe, that hadn't ever been there before.

"Where do you work?" She chanced asking as they waited for their food. A happier topic; hopefully one less serious. 

"I work at the college, I'm an English Professor." Jeff replied, "you?"

"Well, now I'm embarrassed," Audrey laughed. She didn't feel bad when she was talking to Cady or anyone of Cady's 20-something friends but everyone her age or older had always made her feel unaccomplished. "I've been working at Target for now. I used to manage an art goods store here in town but it folded about a year ago." 

"Is that what you would like to do again, manage an art store?" He asked.

"I would like to actually use my art degree, maybe teach." Audrey replied honestly. "When, uh, when I was married I felt like I needed to be home, starting a family, and now I'm sort of...uh, sorry I'm like unpacking all this on you."

"Unpack away," he said, smiling. 

When the waitress came back with your orders Jeff moved his elbows off the table, leaning back a little to give the young woman room to put his plate in front of him. She asked about refills, promising to bring back two beers and a glass of water for you. 

"So what are these Christmas parties you're trying to rope me into?" Jeff asked, popping a fry in his mouth as he spoke.

"Well, friend Cady-"

"The 26 year old?" 

"That's the one," Audrey laughed, stabbing at pieces of her fish, "she has a party that is...something but I promised I'd go and then my parent's Christmas Eve." 

"I think a 26 year old's party is a little out of my wheelhouse." Jeff admitted, "Not quite sure I'll fit in there."

"I don't fit in there." She replied. Audrey had been to a few of Cady's parties since getting to know her and, if they were anything to go on, this party would be the same. "But I wanna...cut out early." 

"Well that I can help you with." 

"What are your holiday plans?" 

"Family party and work party for my department." He  said, "both boring."

"I don't mind boring," Audrey replied. She couldn't even imagine them having a boring night. Maybe it was a possibility in some world but he just didn't seem like the type capable of boring. "It's so odd to be negotiating this kind of stuff...I mean, I  know that's the point of the app but I still sort of, feel weird."

"Don't think of it that way," Jeff offered, leaning his forearms against the table again, "it can just be casual or we can see where things go."

"The latter sounds pretty tempting." 

_* ◦ ❅ . ❄︎ * ∙ ◦ . _

The lights along the main street outlined the buildings, a warm white glow of Christmas covering the small town. Audrey saw it every night on the way home from work, exhausted by the sight of the shoppers congesting the sidewalk and the lights glowing through her window in the evening when she was trying to relax. All she wanted those days was to find a parking space and get inside her apartment as quickly as possible. She didn't want to meander around the street or walk down to where the giant tree was always set up at the round-a-bout. She barely even wanted to hang a wreath on the glass door that lead to the tiny vestibule at the bottom of the steps up to her apartment. It was bad enough the neighbor she shared the entry way with loved to leave little gifts on her mailbox that she always felt obligated to reciprocate; the wreath was overkill in her mind. 

Tonight she wasn't in a hurry to get home and out of her uniform. She wasn't suffering through the traffic that accumulated on this street or desperately trying to find a parking spot that didn't force her to walk farther than she wanted to. Tonight she was walking down the street with Jeff, her hand tucked in the crook of his elbow as she invaded his personal space. Partially to avoid bumping into anyone window shopping as the stores closed and partially because she was finding herself enjoying the feeling of being close to someone again. Maybe it was just Jeff or maybe Cady was right and she was lonelier than she thought she was, either way she was enjoying the evening more than she had enjoyed any other date she'd been on in the last two years. 

"So, do you go all out with decorations for the holiday?" Audrey asked as they passed the window of a shop with a specifically Christmas display. 

"Oh yeah, we hit all the marks." Jeff replied, "biggest tree in the lot, lights everywhere, wreaths...Charlie gets really excited about the holiday and I've always tried to make it a special time of the year for him." 

"My dad is a big Christmas fan, he even used to dress up like Santa and put all the presents under the tree." Audrey replied, "I think I was ten when I realized that Santa looked a whole lot like my dad in a bad wig."

"I don't think I can pull off Santa...which is probably a good thing, Charlie already has a never-ending list, if he thought I was Santa it'd stretch into next Christmas."

"Smart kid," She laughed, "I just told my dad it was him...I should of thought of extortion." 

"I'll keep the two of you apart then." Jeff replied, "don't want anyone getting any ideas."

Audrey lingered at a window, looking in at the tree that was on display. It wasn't particularly special compared to any of the other window displays, the only real difference being that she was getting close to her apartment and suddenly had the urge to slow down. She didn't want the night to end, as silly as it sounded to say. 

"Any plans for the rest of the week?" Jeff asked, looking into the same window that she was. 

"I need to finish Christmas shopping...not that I have a lot to do, really, just last minute stuff." Audrey replied. "I seriously miss getting a stocking."

"It's not the same when you know what's gonna be in it." Jeff joked, "Charlie insists I hang one but I'm just buying for myself." 

"I buy for myself enough that putting up a stocking would just be overkill." Audrey said, "my apartment's up ahead...do you have to walk back down to get your car?"

Jeff had offered to walk Audrey back up the hill to her apartment after dinner and she had agreed to let him, happy to spend some extra time with him. Now that they were walking again, just a block from her apartment, she realized that he would have to walk all the way back down the hill if he drove.

"I took the trolley to the top of the hill actually," Jeff replied, "I live passed the park, in the row homes." 

"Damn, if I knew that I would've had you bring me some coffee." Audrey laughed, thinking of the coffee shop that sat at the end of the row homes. 

"Next time." Jeff promised. 

Both of them slowed again as they reached the door that led to Audrey's apartment, the evergreen and poinsettia wreath illuminated by the light above the door. Audrey pulled her arm away from Jeff, reaching into her coat pocket from her keys. "I feel like the 'this is me' part is always so awkward." She admitted, brushing a few stray strands of hair out of her face. 

"Only when the date's going well." 

"Are you saying it's not?" She laughed. 

"Oh, not at all, this one is going exceptionally well." Jeff replied, that easy grin on his face.

"Good answer," Audrey unlocked the front door, pulling it open and standing there, holding it with the toe of her boot, "I guess I'll text you." 

"Looking forward to it." He leaned toward her, placing a kiss just on the corner of her mouth, causing Audrey to smile as her eyes opened and she looked up at him. 

"Bye."

-

I don’t really know what to tag this but also...I’d love any feedback!!!