#at first I was kinda thinking it was just a 'we traveled together before therefore we're super close' but he's not like that w fearne

[diabeticgirl4]

Yknow all throughout exu I was trying to figure the boys out, bc it def felt like there was a Thing between dariax and dorian, except orym felt like he fit in there somehow but I couldn't quite pin down how. Now in the main campaign the amount of times liam has absolutely Stressed how important dorian was to orym;; oh boy he's gonna be so heartbroken when dorian leaves isn't he

[ironunderstands]

How this singular Gold and Gears occurrence might change everything we know about Dr. Ratio 

…He might be thousands of years old, oh boy.

Ok, where to begin? Well probably with the occurrence that started it all:

Mechanical City, “Cogito Hair Salon”- Intellgencia Guild 

This is where things get complicated.

You see, the Mechanical City is old as hell

This took place around the time of the First Mechanical Emperor’s war, who created the machine empire, which included the Mechanical City, something which occurred soon after the Borderstar Trade War. 

Then, the Rupert 1 (the leader of this empire) sleeps, and this caused his empire to crumble, presumably the city alongside it:

Which according to these Xianzhou records, happened at this time

Then Polka Kakamond fought Rubert for a few more Amber Eras until she eventually succeeded in killing him, marking the end of the First Mechanical War.

Which resulted in the collapse of its empire, and presumably, the Mechanical City alongside it, Nanook, the youngest aeon, also ascended during this time due to the mess of the Emperor’s War and the remnants of the swarm.

Now, for the sake of my sanity, and this first scenario, I am going to assume that the Mechanical City fell alongside Rubert I when their empire collapsed about years ago, as although it’s likely Rubert II could have revived it, as you will see, it’s not necessarily relevant to this discussion (there are actually only two possible paths this situation could lead to). 

If Amber Eras are on average this long

And the current year we are in is

Which is about this in Xianzhou years 

Meaning that disaster in the Xianzhou happened around 3500 years ago (if Xianzhou years are the same length as Trailblaze ones, if they aren’t I’m not gonna think about that <3). Then, Polka Kakamond was alive around this time, and it took her several Amber Eras to finally kill Rubert, which I’m going to interpret several as ~5 and the length of these Amber Eras to be averaged out to be around 158 years long each, meaning Rubert died about 2700 years ago, give or take A LOT OF TIME because of the inconsistency of Amber Era lengths, the amount of Amber Eras, the fact that we don’t know when exactly Polka Kakamond decided to start trying to kill Rubert, or even when she was alive, etc. 

SO, when you put it all together Dr. Ratio must be at least 1000 years old if he were to be able to be alive during this period of time to attend the Mechanical City within this occurrence.

Which changes everything, because presumably Dr. Ratio is a normal human and he should not be that old.

Oh dear.

However, before I ponder the implications of THAT, let’s explore the other possibilities.

This never actually happened.

This is by far both the most boring and most likely one for a lot of reasons.

a) There is an occurrence that definitely takes place in the preset exactly like it 

This is Mechanical City, Cogito Hair Salon: Genius Society 

And based on its description, it was clearly put in here to help the trailblazer navigate the Simulated Universe through the Intra-Cognition function, and the 4 Genius Society members depicted (Ruan Mei, Herta, Stephen Lloyd and Screwllum) absolutely did not travel back in time for this to happen, rather they seem to habe implemented it themselves. 

Therefore, the occurrence with Dr. Ratio could be something similar: an event made up for the sake of navigating the Sim Uni, and not something that ever actually took place, I believe this and another solution I will introduce later are the most likely explanations for this situation.

b) The occurrence with Dr. Ratio is uh, weird 

For lack of a better explanation in this, Dr. No5 is uh, tweaking. Meaning, the events taking place around him might not even be what’s happening in reality.

Or, the Trailblazer is in the Mechanical City, but Dr. No5 isn’t and the sim uni kinda just meshed the two together. 

What also complicates things is that it seems like after he killed himself, No5 turned into a mechanical spinning top, meaning the Anti-Organic equation might have been the cause of his death? And I’m not sure if it’s still active in modern times.

Either way, the sheer levels of delusion radiating off of Dr. No5 leave to believe this scene isn’t entirely real, however I don’t think this explanation is all good honestly, it’s just something I wished to point out before moving on.

That’s not our Dr. Ratio

Apparently in the original Chinese, the characters used to denote Dr. Ratio are different to the way he is typically referred to, meaning that whoever this Dr. Ratio is, it might not actually BE him.

Now, I know absolutely nothing about how Chinese works, but based off the discussions I’ve seen around this particular detail, I think the general consensus is that the Ratio in this is more of a surname, and our Dr. Ratio either named himself after/is a descendant of this one.

Which would be interesting, and would mean we (I) would now have to scour future updates for his mention, but for now I’ll leave this option at that because like I said, I don’t know how any dialect of Chinese works at all, much less the original used in the game.

If someone reading this does, I would really appreciate clarification/confirmation/your opinion on this, so thanks in advance.

Finally, for my favorite explanation (and the one I think is what really happened), that being:

The Mechanical City still exists, and Ratio is in fact, some dude with a normal lifespan.

Let me cook.

So, based on what I showed you earlier, it’s heavily implied that the Mechanical City fell with Rubert during the First Emperor’s War around 2000 ish years ago alongside him.

However, what if I told you that isn’t necessarily true:

The IPC took it over.

Although this passage doesn’t mention the Mechanical City or even allude to it, it does mention thin how the IPC, with the aid of the Intellgencia Guild, began taking over areas across the universe, especially areas of inorganic life, following Nous’s prophecy, with the methodology of “Colonization Under the facade of development,” (the game straight up calls them colonizers LMAOOO).

Anyways, the IPC HATES inorganic life due to the Emperor’s Wars, and were about to pass an order to eradicate all inorganic life when Screwllum gained Nous’ approval and joined the Genius Society, and as we saw in the screenshot, they were, well, colonizing those areas and making it into their own.

So- who’s to say they didn’t do it to the Mechanical City? Why wouldn’t one of the most defining features of the Mechanical Empire now be under IPC control, even to this day?

Besides, inorganic life forms have no need for hair salons- they don’t have growing hair! But in a Mechanical City repurposed for people, yeah, a hair salon would make sense.

Thereofore, Ratio isn’t some thousand year old entity, rather he’s just in a location run by the IPC and Intellgencia Guild that happens to have thousands of years of history behind it.

Moreover, it just wouldn’t make sense for Ratio to be that old.

He has plenty of media about him documenting his life, and based on how recent those media are and how this passage is worded, I’m led to believe that Ratio aged like a normal person, and his middle school years didn’t somehow last an exponential amount of time. 

Also, I feel like if he WAS that old we would have some actual clue pointing to it beyond a singular occurrence that would only ever point to that once you do all this digging.

Therefore, I conclude Ratio is not in fact immortal, and the IPC likely just colonized the Mechanical City, which is why it is still around today.

Finally, I sincerely hope you enjoy me going insane over this one stupid occurrence, and I would like to disclaim that I am no lore expert when it comes to the simulated universe, so if something I said in here was misinformation, please tell me! It seems as though Dr. Ratio is never beating the “just some guy” allegations lmao.

[cookies-over-yonder]

"... In that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is."

The Close Family and Closure: An Analysis and Breakdown of Taylor's Issues in Hell or High Father

...and the way he addresses and, in Taylor fashion, downplays the problem, and denies its lack of solution.

(I have transcribed the majority of this scene, and below the cut is my line-by-line breakdown and analysis, as well as some other tid-bits.)

hello! ever since i got into dndads, taylor has been my favourite. i found his extreme escapism and dumb confidence fascinating, and as you may know, i love finding scenarios for him to break. it's, like, at least half of my fics at this point.

this episode is my favourite episode, it broke me, and it pieced me back together but Wrong in all the right ways.

this analysis is focusing on the taylor of it all. the motivation behind his words and the changes in his cadence and the denial that still, despite everything, refuses to fade.

i've never written an analysis post structured like this, so do let me know if you like it. i just... i really love taylor.

okay, let's go!

1. "Well...''

Nicky: … I didn't see a lot of Taylor's growing up and that was—that was fi—like we're cool now right, Taylor? Taylor: Fuck yeah dawg— Nicky: See?

to start off, taylor's instinctive answer is to agree with nicky. because well, yeah, they're chill now, that's true, so of course the first thing he does is agree. and i gotta say that i was expecting taylor to leave it at that, because he's not one to dig deeper when he doesn't need to, and even when he does.

Taylor: Well…

taylor says this immediately after his first answer and oh ny god i got SO excited. but this ain't about me. anyway. taylor finally admitting that they're actually not 100% cool is such a big fucking step argh i am so proud of him forever and also so sad for him forever...

Nicky: What? Look, I'm back now, and I'm super tight, and we hang out, and we can do samurai shit together, and we're fuckin'—we're tight as fuck.

this part makes me so sad because nicky is so ignorant to how his absence has affected taylor despite his frustrations at glenn for not being there. and also, this sort of reasoning would have worked on convincing taylor back in early season two. in fact, it did!

[Season 2 Episode 10: Dad Me To Hell]

taylor is completely satisfied with this reason because it feeds into his main character syndrome. his dad left to protect him. what better reason is there? and now he's back and there and able to do cool shit with him, so everything is perfect, right?

but the next thing taylor says is so fucking heartbreaking:

Taylor: If I'm gonna be honest, Dad, I've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time, and you could be there for me.

the way he trails off as he says it, and he loses his confidence in his words... it shows an unfamiliar shyness. we've never seen taylor be this vulnerable before. and to think that he'd been holding out hope for time travel magic to fix his childhood? that perfectly aligns with the idea that taylor is so stuck in his anime escapist fantasy that he can't accept what's real. and magic is real, so therefore he must be able to fix his past, right? it's not impossible for there to be time travel (see. end of season 1 + see. attack on titanic.) but taylor doesn't realize that this is something that can't be fixed so easily, even if that magic were available. he doesn't believe that this can't be fixed. more on this later.

Nicky: [grunts and falls] Uh… um… I didn't know you felt that way. Taylor: Yeah, you know, it's just, when I was practicing my jutsus I could have used some pointers. Nicky: Yeah, but like— Taylor: As a result, I've developed a number of very bad habits that I'm told are very hard to break. And, you know, just watching YouTube videos is not the same as having a dad who can fight.

in the past, taylor has used anime to cope with his absent father, and he relied on the fictional characters to bring him the same comfort a father might bring (this was mentioned by freddie in one of the teen talks and while i've been relistening i've yet to find it. do forgive me as i am merely mortal) while this isn't directly referring to that, i still feel it's worth mentioning, as taylor is confronting his own unhealthy coping mechanism and acknowledging that no, youtube videos aren't a replacement for a dad. he couldn't fill the absence of a father with anything else in his life no matter how hard he tried.

also, taylor is smart. he knows that he has unhealthy coping mechanisms or "bad habits" that he can't break and he knows that they're caused by nicky's absence. i just wonder how long he's been stewing over that, you know?

as shown earlier, when taylor first met nicky and found out why he wasn't there, he accepted it immediately, knowing it was the coolest reason for a father to be absent and only fueled his protagonism.

but now, taylor's confronting his own issues surrounding nicky, and explicitly addressing them to nicky.

*wipes a tear*

i'm so proud of him.

Nicky: Wha—I mean, if it's training you want, we can train you, and like, you see your grandpa there— Taylor: [sighs] It's too late. I needed to start when I was three to five years old like true ninja warriors.

there is something so cutting about the way taylor says it's too late. he's talking about training to be a ninja warrior on the surface, yes, but that's not it.

it's too late. it's too late for nicky to witness his upbringing. it's too late for taylor to grow up with a loving father figure. it's too late.

and taylor knows that, and he's saying it, but he's still masking it with it being about training to become a ninja when in reality it's so much more.

this is just one example of the way he downplays the issue. he zeroes in on just one aspect of his life that nicky wasn't a part of, and speaks as if it's the main issue, when really it's only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Nicky: Oh, well, I mean— Taylor: So I'm already trying to play catch-up a little bit, but you know, I guess it's water under the bridge. But you know, if there is time travel magic, then you know, maybe, or if you find it, you could maybe… pick me up on the way back… to the past, and you know maybe we could do childhood all over again.

taylor is playing catch-up with training, but he's also playing catch-up with having a father in his life.

and again, he downplays it, says it's water under the bridge, when it's so very clear how deeply this has been affecting him his entire life.

and to top it all off, he brings up time travel again. and the way he says this is so un-taylorlike it's jarring. the uncertainty of the maybes, the trailing off, the voice so quiet you almost can't hear it...

he thinks there's still a chance to redo it and fix things, but i feel that deep down he knows it's impossible, that it doesn't work like that, and yet he's still grasping at straws to try and make things better.

it's... it's really sad. i feel really sad for him.

and the way he says he wants to redo childhood. as opposed to only talking about training, here he actually says he wants to do childhood all over again, and it's so, so quiet. and taylor is never shy. it's so clear how badly he's hurting over this.

god. okay.

2. "I didn't even know where you were."

Glenn: So we're cool. Nicky: So, we're cool. Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicky: We're just three cool guys. Taylor: Well…

i love how taylor isn't backing down on the fact that nicky fucked him up. like the gates are open and they can't close back up that easily. he's not accepting them just being three cool guys.

Taylor: Well, I'm just saying—you know, I could have, y'know—not to put too fine a point on it, but Dad, I would have appreciated if, you know… I didn't even know where you were. I 23&me-d my ass, and they sent me a picture of fire, and the cops showed up! There was a white van parked outside of our house for three years!

again, i really notice the change in the way taylor speaks, he's more unsure, quieter, and uses more filler words (such as "y'know"), and it feels as if he feels bad about making nicky confront his faults as a father but he's pushing through it anyway, because he has to.

and i absolutely love the throwback to episode ONE with the 23&me test! like this had been brewing from the start! i just think it's fantastic for it all to build up to this. like yeah. taylor didn't know WHO nicky was or WHERE nicky was and trying to figure it out only led to more danger for him.

Nicky: [gets on one knee and puts his hand on Taylor's shoulder] I guess I never got to properly apologize to you, did I?

Taylor: Well, an apology won't really turn back time, and I don't know how I feel—I would rather have the time travel magic.

this is so cutting. like, yeah, an apology won't cut it, and taylor immediately circles back to time travel magic, as if it could fix what's broken when it really, really can't.

i also find the trend of time when it comes to the close boys to be very fascinating. glenn got locked up in time prison, nicky's childhood was split into two timelines, and taylor thinks time travel can fix his broken relationship with his father?

god damn.

Nicky: Well, I didn't even get to explain—I was in Hell. I was worried that these fuckers [pointing at the other kiddads]— Taylor: Yeah, those fuckers. Nicky: —would have chased after me if I'd gotten out of hell. Taylor: So you're telling me that these fuckers kept you away from me all these years? Nicky: Yeah, you know what? It was these motherfuckers! They are the reason I didn't get to spend time with you because they betrayed me! Taylor: That makes sense; I just saw the memory! Yeah, yeah!

thinking about how taylor immediately agrees with nicky in blaming the others for his absence, because, well, yeah, shit's complicated and they are definitely part of the reason, but the fact that taylor is so on board of whole heartedly blaming them after chewing into his dad about not being there is just so sad. like yeah, of course he doesn't want to be upset at nicky. and it hurts so much that he is.

god.

oh my god.

okay, now, i didn't transcribe the entirety of taylor's memory, i actually summarized it and quoted some key aspects of it, so here:

Taylor's first belt ceremony. He's performing, and he finishes, and he bows, and he looks up. His mom is there. He's sniffling a bit and Cass asks him if he's okay and comments on how he moved all the way up to green belt, and he says he knows. He looks over to the kid who was supposed to get green belt but didn't because of him. The kid is whining, and then his dad comes in and gives him a big hug and���

"It's okay son, I saw how hard you worked, and in my eyes, you're a black belt. Come on, let's get ice cream."

The kid says thanks and they hug and then they leave and Taylor watches them leaving through the window and sees the child and father and mother smiling together. Taylor looks down at and then throws away his green belt.

"I think I'm done with karate."

Taylor gets kicked out.

that line that the father said to his child really hit me, because taylor never heard nicky say that to him. ever. and that was all that he wanted, really. like, "i saw how hard you worked," as in, i was there, watching you, practicing with you, supporting you, i saw you, i see you, i'm here, i'm here with you. and "in my eyes, you're a black belt," in my eyes, you've worked so hard, in my eyes, you deserve more than what you got, in my eyes, you're strong, in my eyes, you're capable.

things nicky never saw, and things nicky never told him.

and then, well, taylor quits.

a memory defining taylor's relationship with nicky. a memory where he wasn't there. a memory where he didn't see taylor's growth. a memory where taylor gave up on an ambition. a memory of absence.

anyways.

Nicky: I'm really sorry— Taylor: I'm kind of sensing a pattern here to be honest. Nicky: Yeah, I'm thinking that maybe the things that your granddad did, I do now. I'm thinking maybe I fucked up in the exact same way… Taylor: [lays a hand on Nicky] I think you fucked up in the same way too. Nicky: Okay. Well that's good. That's good for us.

god. oh my god. the fuckign pattern. i'm so sorry this part makes me lose my coherency all i can think of is how sad it makes me idk idk guys im sorry. you get it. taylor saying yeah you fucked up in the same way and nicky learning that and accepting it. oh my fucking god. like. i dont know theres something about the acceptance of it that really gets me. at the start of the conversation nicky denied it, and here he is, after seeing a memory of taylor doing something he wasn't there for, and now he's like yeah, yeah. i did fuck up royally.

3. "...there is no fixing this."

Glenn: What if we started over? What if we tried to kinda give it a little bit of a reset, and try and make some new memories together, as this sort of team of three? What do you think about that? Is it stupid? I dunno.

Nicky: What kinda memories are you talking about?

Glenn: Well I was thinking we all go to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and start everything off on the right foot! It's been so long since I've been to Disneyland, and, I dunno, let me show you all the secrets. Let me show you all the hidden Mickeys. I never got to show Taylor how to get over nine-hundred-thousand points on the Buzz Lightyear ride. And you! Nick, I never showed you the secret entrance into Club 33 that only I know about, and it requires you to go through the sewers a little bit.

I mean, what do you say? Maybe we can do something about this whole fucked up Close family. Maybe we could bring it on back a little bit. What do you guys think?

Nicky: Yeah, sure, yeah I mean, I like Disneyland as much as the next guy. What do you think Taylor?

Taylor: What's Disneyland? I don't understand, what's Disneyland?

now listen, i know that taylor not knowing what disneyland is was just because of the whole doodlerized world thing, but i feel like it also really highlights the disconnect here. like, glenn wasn't around much in nick's life but they knew each other and yes glenn went to disneyland without nick a lot and yes nick liked universal better and if i got into their relationship it would take far too long and i don't feel particularly equipped to tackle that which is why i'm focusing on taylor, but i think that taylor asking what disneyland is highlights the disconnect between him and nicky. nicky and glenn are talking about something that taylor is completely lost on, and to me it really shows the disconnect between all of them. first off, nicky likes universal studios better than disney, second of all, taylor doesn't even know what disneyland is. they grew up in different realms, and they grew up around different people, and nicky was never there, which means there's so much taylor knows that nicky doesn't, and so much nicky knows that taylor doesn't and so much of that knowledge and those experiences can never or will never be shared.

Nicky: Oh yeah, good point, I guess it's on a previously Doodlerized world now with a bunch of really fucked up shit in it.

Glenn: I'm just saying that like—give me a chance. Give me a chance to try and make up for all the—well—you know what? No, no, no, no, no, I can't make up for any of that stuff.

it's true. this solution is like putting icing on top of an overdone cupcake. temporarily sweet but it's still bitter and burnt. (i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, i don't bake.) but like when you burn something you can't just. un-burn it. sure you can put icing and sprinkles and all the fun stuff and maybe you can wash out the taste but that doesn't change the state of what's underneath.

that's their relationship to me.

Anthony: As you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks, and in that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is.

ah yes, finally, we reach the end.

this is what their relationship is. it's comprised of missing connections and missed experiences and misplaced memories and absences and longing and searching and finding one another only for it to be too late. it is comprised of absence as opposed to love or hate or anything in between. the nothingness that is absence is their relationship

how depressing.

if i'm honest, i think nicky still has a chance. obviously he can't fix anything with taylor, but i really do hope that he tries to be proactive in taking part in taylor's life from here on out, that is, if taylor even survives this next episode, oooh scary.... hahaha anyways.

i hope everyone enjoyed this essay! i started writing it the day the episode came out but schoolwork kinda took over me.

i wanted to get it out before this episode's teen talk so that's why i finished it tonight, but i may reblog with more thoughts, who knows! we'll see! :3c

i do also encourage you guys to check out my art for this episode specifically inspired by that last anthony quote there.

and of course my thoughts are not the objective truth, i am a mere university student, ignoring my school essays to write one for tumblr <3

bye-bye! <3 :3c

[lucascecil]

Doctor Who - Eighth Doctor Guide

This incarnation first appeared in the 1996 movie ‘Doctor Who’ in which was, at the time, an attempt to bring the show back while trying to bring in American viewers. It was a total failure and the show would only come back on TV in 2005 with the new series. However, these were exciting news to the expanded universe: the Eighth Doctor opened a door to explore new and imaginative ideas in this second half of the wilderness years (as we call the show hiatus from 1989 to 2005).

Virgin Books would lose their license to Doctor Who and therefore their publication of the Seventh Doctor books, at the time the only continuation to the show we had, stopped. Instead, the Eighth Doctor Adventures were released, a book series focusing on the adventures of the Eighth Doctor with new, original companions. And, five years later, Paul McGann would once again step into the role in Big Finish.

These guides include only tv, books and audio stories, but this time only I will make an exception: we’ll include the Doctor Who Magazine Comics too. You totally should give these comics a chance for other Doctors too, but Eight is getting special treatment because the Magazine did its own thing with him just as the other media. It has four well defined narrative arcs/”seasons” and introduces their own original companion. So let’s start!

INTO THE COMICS

‘Season one’ – Adventures with Izzy

[ ] Endgame

[ ] The Keep

[ ] A Life of Matter and Death

[ ] Fire and Brimstone

[ ] By Hook or by Crook

[ ] Tooth and Claw

[ ] The Final Chapter

[ ] Wormwood

[ ] Happy Deathday

This season picks up a plot point from the Seventh Doctor DWM’s comics regarding a recurring villain, but you’ll understand it fine enough even if haven’t read what came before. This is collected as The Eighth Doctor Comics Strips volume 01, as that edition has a summary of what you need to know. Otherwise, it’s a perfect jumping point. The Doctor meets Izzy Sinclair, a young girl from Stockbridge that helps him fight the Toymaker when the elder god takes control of the town, quickstating a long road of self-discovery for Izzy.

‘Season two’ – Continued adventures with Izzy, plus Kroton

[ ] The Fallen

[ ] Unnatural Born Killers

[ ] The Road to Hell

[ ] TV Action!

[ ] The Company of Thieves

[ ] The Glorious Dead

[ ] The Autonomy Bug

This season is collected as The Eighth Doctor Comics Strips volume 02 and introduces a temporary companion I love: Kroton, the good Cybermen. It also has one of the best Master stories ever. It also features the only other proper Grace story ever since I think they just ignored the copyright issue and used her anyway.

‘Season three’ – Continued adventures with Izzy

[ ] Ophidius

[ ] Beautiful Freak

[ ] The Way of All Flesh

[ ] Children of the Revolution

[ ] Me and My Shadow

[ ] Uroboros

[ ] Oblivion

This season is collected as the Eighth Doctor Comics Strips volume 03. This season finishes Izzy’s story while also introducing the next companion, Destrii. It also has one of my favorite Daleks stories.

‘Season four’ – Solo adventures, then joined by Destrii

[ ] Where Nobody Know Your Name

[ ] The Nightmare Game

[ ] The Power of Thoueris!

[ ] The Curious Tale of Spring-Heeled Jack

[ ] The Land of Happy Endings

[ ] Bad Blood

[ ] Sins of the Father

[ ] The Flood

This season is collected as the Eighth Doctor Comics Strips volume 04. For the most part it shows the Doctor rebounding from his goodbye to Izzy (platonically, I see their relationship as paternal), kinda trying to find a new companion (he is pathetic in The Nightmare Game) and dealing with solitude. Then the story picks up when he is reunited with Destrii and they begin travelling together. It has a great Cybermen story.

INTO THE BOOKS

‘Season 01’ – Adventures with Sam

[ ] The Eight Doctors

[ ] Vampire Science

[ ] The Bodysnatchers

[ ] Genocide

[ ] War of the Daleks

[ ] Alien Bodies

The Eight Doctors is a terrible first book, just skip it and start with Vampire Science – which is much better. There is a certain character there who was supposed to be Grace but then they couldn’t use her because of copyright and I do think knowing that gives an interesting perspective to the book. Alien Bodies (great, too) starts a story arc about the War in Heaven. Or, simply put, a much more engaging time war done in the books years before the TV series ever thought about it.

‘Season 02’ – Continued adventures with Sam

[ ] Kursaal

[ ] Option Lock

[ ] Longest Day

[ ] Legacy of the Daleks

[ ] Dreamstone Moon

[ ] Seeing I

‘Season 03’ – Continued adventures with Sam

[ ] Placebo Effect

[ ] Vanderdeken’s Children

[ ] The Scarlet Empress

[ ] The Janus Conjuction

[ ] Beltempest

[ ] The Face-Eater

‘Season 04’ – Adventures with Sam and Fitz

[ ] The Taint

[ ] Demontage

[ ] Revolution Man

[ ] Dominion

[ ] Unnatural History

[ ] Autumn Mist

[ ] Interference – Book One: Shock Tactic

[ ] Interference – Book Two: The Hour of the Geek

‘Season 04’ – Adventures with Fitz and Compassion

[ ] The Blue Angel

[ ] The Taking of Planet 5

[ ] Frontier Worlds

[ ] Parallel 59

[ ] The Shadows of Avalon

[ ] The Fall of Yquatine

[ ] Coldheart

[ ] The Space Age

[ ] The Banquo Legacy

[ ] The Ancestor Cell

‘Season 05’ – Exiled on Earth

[ ] The Burning

[ ] Casualties of War

[ ] The Turing Test

[ ] Endgame

[ ] Father Time

[ ] Escape Velocity

Following the ending of The Ancestor Cell, there is this smaller story arc with the Doctor stuck on Earth for plot reasons I will not elaborate because I don’t want spoil it too much.

‘Season 06’ – Adventures with Fitz and Anji

[ ] EarthWorld

[ ] Fear Itself

[ ] Vanishing Point

[ ] Eater of Wasps

[ ] The Year of Intelligent Tigers

[ ] Dark Progeny

[ ]  The City of the Dead

[ ] Griim Reality

[ ] The Adventuress of Henrietta Street

‘Season 07’ – Continued adventures with Fitz and Anji

[ ] Mad Dogs and Englishmen

[ ] Hope

[ ] Anachrophobia

[ ] Trading Futures

[ ] The Book of the Still

[ ] The Crooked World

[ ] History 101

[ ] Camera Obscura

[ ] Time Zero

‘Season 08’ – Continued adventures with Fitz and Anji, joined by Trix

[ ] The Infinity Race

[ ] The Domino Effect

[ ] Reckless Engineering

[ ] The Last Resort

[ ] Timeless

[ ] Emotional Chemistry

[ ] Sometime Never…

‘Season 09’ – Adventures with Fitz and Trix

[ ] Halflife

[ ] The Tomorrow Windows

[ ] The Sleep of Reason

[ ] The Deadstone Memorial

[ ] To the Slaughter

[ ] The Gallifrey Chronicles

INTO THE AUDIOS – THE MAIN RANGE ERA

‘Season 01’ – Adventures with Charley

[ ] Storm Warning

[ ] The Sword of Orion

[ ] The Stones of Venice

[ ] Minuet in Hell

[ ] Solitaire

[ ] If I Should Die Before I Wake

The Eighth Doctor joined Big Finish a little bit after Doctors Five to Seven, but it was still quite early when their main releases were ‘just’ a monthly two-hour long story in the style of the classic series. We call this range of releases the Main Range. As the current Doctor at that point, having McGann back in the role was obviously a novelty and he was instantly joined by India Fisher as Charlotte Pollard, Edwardian adventurer.

Solitaire and If I Should Die Before I Wake are not main range releases but I do think they fit tonally well enough with theses stories and therefore I don’t think there is any problem listening to them here.

‘Season 02’ – Continued adventures with Charley

[ ] Invaders from Mars

[ ] The Chimes of Midnight

[ ] Seasons of Fear

[ ] Embrace the Darkness

[ ] The Time of the Daleks

[ ] Neverland

[ ] Zagreus

This finish the story arc of Charley’s life as was set up in Storm Warning. It all culminates in Zagreus, which is also a 40 years anniversary story of the series. Romana and Leela, former companions of the Fourth Doctor, reappear at the end of this arc and their interaction starts a spin-off just about them in Gallifrey – a series also called Gallifrey. I will not elaborate on it in this post, but let it be noted it happens.

‘Season 03’ – Adventures with Charley and C’rizz

[ ] Scherzo

[ ] The Creed of the Kromon

[ ] The Natural History of Fear

[ ] The Twilight Kingdom

[ ] Faith Stealer

[ ] The Last

[ ] Caerdroia

[ ] The Next Life

Also known as the Divergent Universe arc. It continues at the point Zagreus ended, with Doctor exploring a brand new universe – but there is something disturbingly wrong there. He and Charley are joined by a new companion from this universe, C’rizz.

‘Season 04’ – Adventures with Charley and C’rizz

[ ] Terror Firma

[ ] Scaredy Cat

[ ] Other Lives

[ ] Time Works

[ ] Something Inside

[ ] Memo Lane

[ ] Absolution

[ ] The Girl Who Never Was

The end of this era of Eighth Doctor audios. A goodbye to C’rizz, but a see you soon for Charley. There is a huge cliffhanger at The Girl Who Never Was that is continued on later releases – look at ‘beyond the Eighth Doctor’ if you wanna know about that, but ONLY if you are fine with being SPOILED. Again: THERE ARE SPOILERS THERE.

More from Charley and Eight

‘Season 01’ – The Further Adventures of Charlotte Pollard

[ ] The Mummy Speaks

[ ] Eclipse

[ ] The Slaying of the Writhing Mass

[ ] Heart of Orion

Specifically, this was one single released of four one-hour long stories that are set during the first story arc of Charley in the Main Range. So, certainly before Neverland but you could argue about the when specifically. I like to put it between Minuet in Hell and Invaders from Mars. But why didn’t I put it there, then? To be honest, it’s because I don’t think they fit tonally with the Main Range adventures and therefore it will break immersion if listened then. They are much, much closer to the new who style and just don’t capture the era, for me. So, listen to them as an extra to Charley story, when you miss her.

‘Season 02’ – Adventures with Charley and Audacity

[ ] The Devouring

[ ] The Great Cyber-War

[ ] Twenty-Four Doors in December

[ ] The Empty Man

[ ] Winter of the Demon

2023 saw the Doctor being joined by a new companion, lady Audacity. The first release, which included the first stories in this season, had a cliffhanger that placed them as the Doctor was still travelling with Charley, in their earlier days. So this is also a season that happens during the first story arc on the Main Range, but I wouldn’t place it there because not only it’s still happening, being published, but also because it’s better if you listen to it as its own thing already having the knowledge of how Charley’s story originally developed.

Beyond the Eighth Doctor

‘Season 01’ – Adventures with Charley

[ ] The Condemned

[ ] The Doomwood Curse

[ ] Brotherhood of the Daleks

[ ] Return of the Krotons

[ ] The Raincloud Man

[ ] Patient Zero

[ ] Paper Cuts

[ ] Blue Forgotten Planet

I already WARNED you of the SPOILERS. So, at the end of The Girl Who Never Was, the Eighth Doctor and Charley are separated. He thinks she chose of leave him, and she thinks that he is dead. She is isolated in a terrible situation and sends a distress signal, hoping that someone will rescue her. A TARDIS arrives and she thinks Eight is alive and came for her, but when she enters, she finds an unexpected face – the Sixth Doctor. And they would have a handful of adventures together, as listed here.

‘Season 02’

[ ] The Lamentation Cipher

[ ] The Shadow at the Edge of the World

[ ] The Fall of the House of Pollard

[ ] The Viryan Solution

But Charley story doesn’t end with Six. They do eventually part ways, as told in Blue Forgotten Planet, but Charley got her own spin-off that continues from there. There have been two seasons since then, but the story is unfinished: there is a third series that should be released at some point to wrap the story but we haven’t gotten any news from it for a long, long time.

‘Season 03’

[ ] Embankment Station

[ ] Ruffling

[ ] Seed of Chaos

[ ] The Destructive Quality of Life

THE CLASSICALS

‘Season 00’ – Adventures with Mary Shelley

[ ] The Company of Friends

[ ] The Silver Turk

[ ] The Witch from the Well

[ ] Army of Death

The Company of Friends is a ‘special’ Main Range release as it’s the only audio story that features the Eighth Doctor exclusive companions from other medias. It’s four half-a-hour story: the first with Benny, former companion of the Seventh Doctor. The second have Fitz and the third have Izzy. And then there is the fourth one, that shows the Eight Doctor meeting Mary Shelley. She wasn’t a companion, but would soon become one as a trilogy featuring their travels together would be released in the Main Range.

These stories happened before Eight meets Charley and honestly could be listened at any point, but I put them here, after Charley, because I do think it’s a better experience to enjoy the Eighth Doctor main range era in the order the stories were published.

INTO THE AUDIOS – THE LUCIE MILLER ERA

Beginning 2006, it all changed for Eight. His stories were probably the most popular of the Main Range – much because of the novelty of exploring the Doctor that never had anything on TV – and so he got his own range. The Main Range was now only for Doctors Five, Six and Seven, and ‘The Eighth Doctor Adventures’ began. But it was also 2006, Doctor Who was back on TV. And much because of that, this era is structured more alike to a new who season than classic.

You can jump into this era without any prior knowledge of the Eighth Doctor if you want to.

‘Season 01’ – Adventures with Lucie

[ ] Blood of the Daleks [two-parter]

[ ] Horror of Fang Rock

[ ] Immortal Beloved

[ ] Phobos

[ ] No More Lies

[ ] Human Resources [two-parter]

Notably, Horror of Glam Rock starts a ongoing arc through the seasons about Lucie’s aunt Pat.

'Extras Season’ – Continued adventures with Lucie

[ ] The Dalek Trap

[ ] The Revolution Game

[ ] The House on the Edge of Chaos

[ ] Island of the Fendahl

This was actually a release called The Further Adventures of Lucie Miller, four one-hour stories that makes a small season. It fits the tone of the era very well and it happens relatively early in her timeline, so if you want to listen to it between seasons 1 and 2, you can. The finally feature the Fendahl, a villain from Classic Who, so it’s a good idea to check out Image of the Fendahl from the Fourth Doctor era if you want more context.

‘Season 02’ – Continued adventures with Lucie

[ ] Dead London

[ ] Max Warp

[ ] Brave New Town

[ ] The Skull of Sobek

[ ] Grand Theft Cosmos

[ ] The Zygon Who Fell to Earth

[ ] Sisters of the Flame/The Vengeance of Morbius

The Zygon Who Fell to Earth is part of the aunt Pat story arc. The finale features Morbius, a villain from Classic Who, and it’s a good idea to check the Fourth Doctor story The Brain of Morbius if you want more context.

‘Season 03’ – Continued adventures with Lucie

[ ] Orbis

[ ] Hothouse

[ ] The Beast of Orlok

[ ] Wirnn Dawn

[ ] The Scapegoat

[ ] The Cannibalists

[ ] The Eight Truths/Worldwide Web

There are plenty of villains from Classic Who this season. You don’t need to watch any of their original stories to understand theses audios, and this is valid for the previous seasons too, but as I said if you want more context… You can watch The Seeds of Doom, The Ark in Space and Planet of Spiders.

‘Season 04’ – Adventures with Lucie and Tamsin

[ ] Death in Blackpool

[ ] An Earthly Child

[ ] Situation Vacant

[ ] Nervermore

[ ] The Book of Kelis

[ ] Deimos/The Resurrection of Mars

[ ] Relative Dimensions

[ ] Prisoner of the Sun

[ ] Lucie Miller/To the Death

Lucie’s era ends with a bang. Death in Blackpool is a Christmas special that wraps up the aunt Pat storyline. In An Earthly Child, the Doctor is reunited with someone from his past. Then, the rest of the season deals with Lucie and Eight’s friendship and how they are dealing with everything that happening recently, while also introducing new companion Tamsin Drew.

INTO THE AUDIOS – THE BOXSETS ERA

With the end of Lucie’s era, the publishing format shifted again. Now, the stories were released four at a time, as a boxset. These stories also build up bigger arcs, in sixteen parts, and therefore should be listened sequentially: Dark Eyes, Doom Coalition, Ravenous and Stranded. You can jump into the Eighth Doctor audios with Dark Eyes, but it’s better appreciated after listening to Lucie’s era.

‘Dark Eyes’ – Adventures with Molly and Liv

[ ] The Great War

[ ] Fugitives

[ ] Tangled Web

[ ] X and the Daleks

[ ] The Traitor

[ ] The White Room

[ ] Time’s Horizon

[ ] Eyes of the Master

[ ] The Death of Hope

[ ] The Reviled

[ ] Masterplan

[ ] Rule of the Eminence

[ ] A Life in the Day

[ ] The Monster of Montmartre

[ ] Master of the Daleks/Eye of Darkness

Liv Chenka is a character introduced in Robophobia, a Seventh Doctor story that you can listen to if you want more from her, but isn’t necessarily needed here. It’s good, though. She didn’t become a companion until reuniting with the Doctor, this time Eight, here in Dark Eyes. This season explores a temporal conflict between the Daleks, some Time Lords and an enemy from the future, the Eminence. It’s not part of the Time War, tho.

‘Doom Coalition’ – Adventures with Liv and Helen

[ ] The Eleven

[ ] The Red Lady

[ ] The Galileo Trap

[ ] The Satanic Mill

[ ] Beachhead

[ ] Scenes from her Life

[ ] The Gift

[ ] The Sonomancer

[ ] Absent Friends

[ ] The Eighth Piece/The Doomsday Chronometer

[ ] The Crucible of Souls

[ ] Ship in a Bottle

[ ] Songs of Love

[ ] The Side of Angels

[ ] Stop the Clock

Molly’s story wraps up during Dark Eyes, but Liv goes on a companion. She is then joined by Helen, introduced here in The Red Lady. This season is full of time lord political conflicts and if you have watched New Who you’ll notice River Song is a recurring character.

‘Ravenous’ – Continued adventures with Liv and Helen

[ ] Their Finest Hour

[ ] How to Make a Killing in Time Travel

[ ] World of Damnation/Sweet Salvation

[ ] Escape from Kaldor

[ ] Better Watch Out/The Fairytale of Salzburg

[ ] Seizure

[ ] Deeptime Frontier

[ ] Companion Piece

[ ] L.E.G.E.N.D.

[ ] The Odds Against

[ ] Whisper

[ ] Planet of Dust

[ ] Day of the Master

This season deals with a terrible fairy tale from the Time Lord’s past that seems to be real. Liv reunites with her sister Tula in Escape from Kaldor, and then spends one year with her before the Doctor and Helen pick her back. This is que start point to a spin-off, The Robots, which explores focusing on her and Tula during that one year. I will elaborate on it later on.

‘Stranded’ – Continued adventures with Liv and Helen, joined by Tania and Andy

[ ] Lost Property

[ ] Wild Animals

[ ] Must-See TV

[ ] Divine Intervation

[ ] Dead Time

[ ] UNIT Dating

[ ] Baker Street Irregulars

[ ] The Long Way Round

[ ] Patience

[ ] Twisted Folklore

[ ] Snow

[ ] What Just Happened

[ ] Crossed Lines

[ ] Get Andy

[ ] The Keys of Baker Street

[ ] Best Year Ever

Stranded picks up where Ravenous ended: the TARDIS have been damaged and now the Doctor, Liv and Helen are stuck for one year on Earth while it heals. And so, they start their lives in a house the Doctor used to own in Baker Street, but are met by unexpected neighbors. This season starts very slice-of-live/sitcom-like, kinda, but then evolves in a temporal conflict.

‘Season 05’ – Continued adventures with Liv and Helen

[ ] Paradox of the Daleks

[ ] The Dalby Spook

[ ] Here Lies Drax

[ ] The Love Vampires

[ ] Albie’s Angels

[ ] Birdsong

[ ] Lost Hearts

[ ] Slow Beasts

It’s the current era. Big Finish is still releasing Liv and Helen stories, but they are not the only ongoing story arc for Eight (see: Audacity; and the Time War). However, things changed a bit. They are still released in boxsets – with three one-hour stories rather than four -, but there is no sixteen-parts epic anymore. They are just standalone stories that starts where Stranded ends.

Spin-off – The Robots

[ ] The Robots of Life

[ ] The Sentient

[ ] Love Me Not

[ ] The Robots of War

[ ] Toos and Paul

[ ] Do No Harm

[ ] The Mystery of Sector 13

[ ] Circuit Breaker

[ ] A Matter of Conscience

[ ] Closed Loop

[ ] Off Grid

[ ] The Janus Deception

[ ] The Enhancement

[ ] Machines Like Us

[ ] Kaldor Nights

[ ] Force of Nature

[ ] Face to Face

[ ] The Final Hour

As I said in the Ravenous section, there is a spin-off about Liv reuniting with her sister Tula that is set during Escape form Kaldor. They are both from Kaldor, a planet from the Classic series, and to better appreciate what this spin-off is doing I recommend watching the Fourth Doctor story The Robots of Death. And, why not, listen to Robophobia, which itself is a sequel to The Robots of Death.

INTO THE AUDIOS – THE TIME WAR

And of course, we have stories with Eight set during the Time War. We can divide it into eras: the first four boxsets, when he is travelling with the new companion Bliss; and the current releases, with him travelling with Alex – listen to Lucie Miller season 4 for more context – and Cass. Yes, Cass from the Night of the Doctor. How that’s possible given the circumstances of that story have not yet been fully explained, but of course it’s safe to assume it’s the War’s fault.

‘Season 01’ – Adventures with Bliss

[ ] The Starship of Theseus

[ ] Echoes of War

[ ] The Conscript

[ ] One Life

[ ] The Lords of Terror

[ ]  Planet of the Ogrons

[ ] In the Garden of Death

[ ] Jonah

‘Season 02’ – Continued adventures with Bliss

[ ] State of Bliss

[ ] The Famished Lands

[ ] Fugitive in Time

[ ] The War Valeyard

[ ] Palindrome

[ ] Dreadshade

[ ] Restoration of the Daleks [two-parter]

The Valeyard is a villain from Classic Who. You’ll get more out of The War Valeyard with more context – so watch season 23, Trial of a Time Lord, or simply know that he is a “version” of the Doctor from the future that encapsulates everything bad and evil that exists in the Doctor.

‘Season 02’ – Adventures with Alex and Cass

[ ] Meanwhile, Elsewhere

[ ] Verpertine

[ ] Previously, Next Time [two-parter]

[ ] Nowhere, Never

[ ] The Road Untravelled

[ ] Cass-cade

[ ] Borrow or Rob

OTHERS

The stories ‘Day of the Vashta Nerada’, ‘The Sontaran Ordeal’ and ‘The Silent Priest’, all of them featuring monsters from New Who, are set during the Time War. However, the Doctor is travelling alone and they are all standalone stories.

There are plenty of ‘short trips’, short stories set in the Doctor Who universe, featuring the Eight Doctor. Both in prose and in audio. I did not include them in this guide, and they are not really essential, but they can be good. So, listen or read them if you ever miss a companion or the Eighth Doctor.

ABOUT THIS GUIDE

I will be updating the guide as new stories are released. I will also do one for each classic Doctor, at least, at some point.

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 79: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Welcome back to our monthly appointment, CCS fans! This chapter comes right after this month's full moon, the Hunter Moon! (lol yes I will feature the name of the relative full moon till the end of the story). And speaking of the end of the story, I will start this analysis and translation post from the end of the chapter, where I found the confirmation to the rumour that had been going on for hours before the official release on Comic Days:

yes, dear readers, this is not a drill, Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Arc will end with chapter 80, after 7 years of serialization! 🎉✨ When *the last chapter* is announced, there's no turning back! No more sudden announcements of extensions! 🥹 But at the moment of writing this post, no mentions have been given about any "epilogue" or extra chapters that might be serialized in the upcoming months leading to the big release of volume 16 on April 1st!

On the translation side, I have to sigh in relief because no major misunderstandings happened in the ENG version, just some minor inaccuracies! I was kinda scared because this chapter is pretty important and complex in itself.

And let me say that what happened in this chapter 79 definitely marks the end of the climax, so I can totally see it ending in next chapter. The chapter tackled some very important thematics regarding the presence of "evil" in this series, that I will talk about extensively in my analysis.

The announcement today made me already a bit nostalgic and sad, but I want to strive hard to accompany myself and all of you towards the end of this arc with excitement and a smile, therefore I won't let myself be prey of the sadness yet and introduce you immediately to the gif of this month, because there's a lot we need to talk about and analyze and we can't waste time!!

This is entirely dedicated to our protagonist and heroine Sakura-chan, because damn, she really slayed this chapter!!! Under the cut to see what miracles she made happen!

The Color Page

My dear readers, after years of countless pleas on my social media, after being let down month after month, CLAMP FINALLY GRANTED ME A COLOR PAGE SOLELY DEDICATED TO KAITO AND AKIHO TOGETHER ON THE SECOND-TO-LAST CHAPTER!! Yaaaay!! Excuse me while I celebrate this event here in my little corner, especially after having a rough month! 🎉🎉🎉 I hope my followers thought of me when they saw it? Like "finally she'll stop asking for it" (breaking news, I'll keep asking for more even after the series is over) 😂 It took them 79 chapters to do so and honestly I'm laughing because....yes, I admit it, I expected another vibe for such an important color page coming after such an important emotional scene in chapter 78, but honestly the first thing I thought when I saw it was "....they had to wait 79 chapters for this? 😧" 😂because it's very very "regular", I think it would've been ok for this to come out long ago. LOL I'm being brutally honest here, I hope no one gets offended, especially because that pet peeve aside, OF COURSE I love this precious color page to bits, and I know under its "normalcy", its got a very important meaning to the both of them.

Akiho and Kaito are depicted together clearly during one of their travels....but the question is, is this from the past? Or the near future? I'd daresay they look the same age they are now, so this might probably be a foreshadowing for the future...? They'll keep travelling the world? But seeing the content of the chapter, this might also be just a call-back to their memories together and everything that they experienced during those travels, tightening their bond. Travelling the world is, after all, really their thing, their element. I really like Kaito's expression, with his usual smile that almost turns into a smirk, he gives off a vibe of being finally free to express his emotions. He looks carefree, and that's really something for him. Akiho, on the other hand, is always so much more expressive than him and you can literally feel the joy and excitement emanating from her delighted expression. Travelling with him makes her happy, so yes, should this be what awaits them in the finale, it's fine by me as long as they're happy (I'm rooting for the other option though, the "stay in Tomoeda with your newfound support network" route).

But as you know, I always have to analyze the color pages a bit deeper, especially when they're about these two. And since I had to keep myself distracted, I made a bit of research. Other than the "travelling" vibe, this illustration gives off also kind of a "vintage" vibe (which is another strong element to Akiho and Kaito). It seems Akiho is dressed in a sleeveless coat with cape and wearing a bonnet fully inspired by those worn by children in the second half of the 1800s, in the Victorian era.

(pic courtesy of Etsy) This is a model from 1896, for example. When I pinpointed the period, I immediately thought "uh, the Victorian era is also the period when Alice in Wonderland came out", although that was more towards the 1860s. I found it really interesting and a nice touch for this illustration with a retro flavor (the suitcase and purse also look kinda vintage).

But another thing that immediately caught my eyes were those cute birds landing on Kaito's shoulder and Akiho's bonnet. I immediately tried to look what kind of birds they are, and it seems like they could really be eastern bluebirds, typical of North America. Searching further, I found out that in several cultures bluebirds are harbinger of happiness and symbols of hope. I couldn't honestly have thought for a more fitting symbolism, for these two. Especially cause birds often are associated with an imagery of freedom, and this is something else that these two need, after being hunted by evil people for so long. They really do look free, in this color page. Also, the presence of the birds in this color page immediately brought me back to the color page of chapter 62, where we can see baby Kaito in a wintery setting, sitting on a lamppost, extending his little hand to a swallow coming to him. Swallows are a symbol of hope and bring a message of "spring is coming", and continuing from that message of hope, of "spring is coming for you too", we can finally see here in chapter 79 our Kaito with his true happiness, symbolized literally by the birds most associated with happiness. Another thing that caught my eyes is of course the lily depicted on the cover of the book Akiho is holding, a nice callback to Akiho's mother and Kaito's torment, Lilie. She's always going to be with them ❤️

The Japanese editorial text over the picture is an excerpt of what Momo was musing to herself in chapter 39, while imagining to talk to Kaito: "You traveled with her, and spent time together with her". I think CLAMP chose to feature this line to indicate an important thing that will be restored at the end of this chapter.

Everyone Is Doing Their Best

The chapter starts with a panel showing some light coming off Yukito's house, and we find out that even Touya fainted, exhausted by the effort to keep time stopped as much as possible. Ruby Moon is cradling his head on her lap trying to assist him and "recharge" his magical power, in hope to be able to maintain time "stopped" a bit more. In fact, if you notice, the "black covering" that symbolizes the time-stopping spell isn't completely destroyed yet, but only riddled with "holes", an indication that the spell is still somehow active, even if feebly. I imagine this might "slow down" the attacks, which are still coming but probably not at full speed like they would if the spell came undone completely. I have to point out immediately a mild inaccuracy in the ENG version, that I want to specify in order to dispel extreme theories before they're born: no, Ruby Moon didn't give up all of her powers to Touya, the verb used here is simply 補える, "can replenish (your magic)", not "give all".

Touya doesn't lose his sense of humor even in a dire situation like this, and comments sarcastically "What are you, a battery?", a clear recall to the whole "batteries" matter that came out in the un-rewritten world. Touya isn't supposed to remember about that, and he probably doesn't, but this is just a way from CLAMP to show that even in a situation where memories have been rewritten, some things will be unconsciously said again, because they're just meant to happen.

Ruby Moon calls for assistance from her "brother" Spinel Sun (love how even in these true forms, she still calls him "Suppy"), whom rejects the appellative of "battery" but agrees to give her a hand with "recharging" Touya to keep the spell up a bit longer. Everyone looks outside, only one thought in their minds, which is voiced clearly by a serious Tomoyo: "Sakura and everyone else are fighting with all they've got". I have to point out a typo here in the Japanese version (nothing serious, it can happen and will be surely fixed in the tankobon version): Tomoyo calls Sakura "Sakura-san". I loved the "sparkles" around Tomoyo's eyes, as if indicating that her extraordinary intuition is "at work" and just telling her that, even if they can't see them because they're quite far away, Sakura and the others are doing whatever they can to stop these attacks. And the fact they can see the attacks, but not their friends and their condition, must be really hard to witness, for all of them. But no worries, there's Touya nii-chan who's always ready to lighten the mood even in this challenging situation, joking that "If they don't get back before the curfew, they won't be getting their snacks tomorrow!". Here the ENG adds "squirt" to make Touya refer specifically to Sakura, but truth to be told, in the JP there's no subject, so he might be referring to everyone. It's amazing how he's able to keep his spirit up and be sarcastic even in this situation....he really believes in his little sister so much!

I'll Make Them Forget About You

Back where our heroes are, the attacks keep coming relentlessly, countered by Syaoran, Yue and Kero in tandem. Sakura reflects on the fact that the only transparent Cards she's got left are these two she's holding in her hands (Time and Rewind) and Flight. This statement leads me to believe that when Record transformed into that crystal that entered her, that meant that the Card completed its duty and disappeared inside of her. But Sakura isn't worried at all, because she knows that she can create more Cards. Yessss, this development that I've been anticipating since quite some time is finally here! ✨🎉 Sakura seems to finally have a concrete plan, but before proceeding, she needs to ascertain something. She asks directly to Kaito: "The people who are using these spells were trying to hurt you, right?". Kaito, with a pensive face, answers affirmatively.

But it's when Sakura asks again "Were they trying to hurt Akiho too?" that his expression turns really painful, the background after him portraying well his raging emotions and, while Mokona-sensei chose to leave Akiho hidden by Kaito's black wings in the previous panels, now she finally shows how both she and Kaito are holding onto eachother, while our boy answers with a "...Yes" dripping with sorrow. It really squeezed my heart with pain, this scene. Because as long as Sakura was asking about him, his expression was pensive but almost as if it's something he's used to, that didn't shake him too much. But when Sakura mentions Akiho, god, that wrecked him. Any mention, any reminescence of what those bastards did to her and how they were chasing after her to put their filthy hands on her again wrecks him even now, and it's like Mokona with her visual skills is showing how Kaito seems to be holding Akiho a little bit tighter, while he answers Sakura's question. I also have to point out something that I had noticed already from last chapter, but a panel tricked me into believing I was just seeing things: CLAMP here use a dark screentone for Kaito's eyes, that he never had before (actually, no other character in CCS got this effect in their eyes). This effect will be used on him for the entire chapter.

And it seems like it's the very same screentone that was used for the dragon. I think this might be an indication that the wings aren't the only reminescence of his dragon appearance!

Sakura shows once again an incredible empathy that allows her to go right to the heart of the issue without investigating much. If Kaito rewrote an entire world, and if it's true that Akiho in the previous world didn't have all the love and familiar support she's got now, it means that she was probably in danger too. And seeing as these people are attacking them now because they freed Kaito from his "punishment", Sakura doesn't really need much to make 2+2 and understand the situation. Sakura believes in Akiho, therefore she believes in Kaito too, and knows that if he came to this point it's because they were in a desperate and dangerous situation.

Showing an incredible insight, Sakura shocks both Kaito and Akiho by asking:

Sakura, JP: "In that case, can I make those people forget about you both?"

Because our girl needs to make sure that the plan she came up with won't have any undesired consequences. But most importantly, she needs to have their consent. She reiterates this once again, actually she will make sure to ask Kaito and Akiho's consent 3 times in total. She says: JP, lit. "If going back to before the world was rewritten will put you through hardships once again, then, can I just make them forget?" Kaito is even more shocked, because he finally understands Sakura's intent. A generous, selfless intent born from a loving heart. Our girl wants to make sure that these two will be safe and sound once she fixes this situation. She can't take risks, because their happiness is all she's really caring for right now. And in his shocked expression, I can also see some kind of "omg YES, PLEASE" vibe. Because probably, having those terrible people forgetting all about them is everything he ever wished, but couldn't achieve. And I think it's really funny how we berated Kaito so much in the past chapters for making Akiho and the others forget facts that happened before and forgetting about him, but here Sakura just takes "inspiration" from him and actually decides to use that same "trick" in the right way. Because it's not fair that it should be them, the abused people, to forget about their most important person, in order to achieve a happy life for at least one of them. It isn't fair and it isn't right that Kaito was driven into making all the mess that he made, pushed by desperation. The abusers, that clan and Association of magicians, should be the ones forgetting.

But this is Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card's finale, and Sakura definitely hasn't finished with being amazing yet, she actually just started. Her very strong power at this point allows her not only to see things that were difficult before, but also to connect the dots more easily thanks to that renowned instinct that I've always talked to you about, and that she learned to finally listen to.

As if she were seeing through him with X-rays, she confidently affirms that there's a book inside of him, a white book where you can inscribe magic on. And she also knows that that same book was inside Akiho, once. I guess this might be even coming from past memories of the unrewritten world (do you remember when, before the play started, Sakura said that she could feel something inside Akiho?). Akiho of course is shocked to hear that, and from her expression you can almost feel the chill that went down her spine in that moment. Sakura affirms that this book knows both Akiho and Kaito (thanks to the fact that it was inside both of them - something that I've always found painfully heartbreaking but also quite moving, for my ship), and it's got a very strong power inside of it. These will be two crucial things for Sakura's plan. In fact, our heroine is hellbent in attempting something pretty arduous: utilizing that artifact's power to create a new Card. For impartiality, I have to point out that the ENG added (completely on their whim) a "you, her special person" that isn't there in the JP version! Of course it's all the better for me, since they repeat (finally with the right adjective) that Kaito is Akiho's special person, but it's kinda funny that they messed it up so much in the previous chapters, and now they're adding it where there isn't any mention of it!

Sakura will be using a tool that knows the both of them, therefore she is sure that her plan will succeed, because the Card will know what it will need to erase. Sakura asks for Kaito and Akiho's agreement one last time. After hearing how those people wanted to hurt them both and even implanted the same magical artifact inside of her, Akiho is quite resolute and doesn't have any doubt: on with the wiping off! It doesn't matter who those people are, they've tried to harm her most important person and her too, so she doesn't really seem to give a damn about proceeding with this plan. Kaito, on the other hand, seems to be giving a more lackluster affirmative reply, but it's not that he's uncertain: he's just still riddled with guilt for all the mess that he's done, and he's probably realizing that now Sakura will need to put herself on the line in order to fix this and protect both of them, hence his sad face.

Still surfing the confidence wave, Sakura guesses that once those people have forgotten about Akiho and Kaito, then the magic arrows will stop too, and Kaito confirms that: forgetting about the person who had the Seal of D enforced on him will be equal to "undo" both the activation of the Seal itself (when Kaito removed the book from Akiho) and also the rescission of it (what Sakura did when she freed Kaito from the cage). This will therefore stop the arrows too, because the Seal wouldn't have been triggered in the first place. However, Kaito warns her that, although time is still barely "stopped" (because the time-stopping spell is still weakly on), it's necessary an enormous amount of power in order to do what Sakura wants to do. I have to point out another inaccuracy in the ENG translation in this part, which makes Kaito say "before things could get worse" and I have the feeling they misunderstood the word 辛うじて, "barely" or "narrowly", which is also written with the kanji of 辛い, "hard" or "tough". So Kaito isn't saying "before things could get worse" but actually meaning "although time is barely stopped".

Sakura doesn't seem to be scared by Kaito's warning, and activates her wand without a second thought, and immediately we can see that her task wil NOT be easy, as she can feel the strain almost right away.

Here we go with another inaccuracy of the ENG translation:

Sakura, ENG: "Great book, please show yourself! My power alone won't be enough...!" Sakura, JP: "The book....doesn't want to come out. (it's too difficult to pull it out) with just my power..."

Basically, Sakura isn't begging the book to "show itself", she's actually actively trying to pull it out of Kaito, and she's aware that it's opposing a lot of resistance, and her power alone isn't enough to take this damn book out. Sakura refuses to give up, because everyone else is doing their best too. Yes, everyone else.

And that's when CLAMP decided to bring us a big surprise for this finale.

A pair of hands seem to be appearing next to Sakura's, as if a spirit is hugging her from behind. We can see the famous fan that we learned to recognize so well ever since her first appearance in Movie 1. Sakura feels immediately the same magical power of Syaoran surrounding her, and with her instinct she finally recognizes her: it's Syaoran's mother, YELAN!!! We can see her, sweating and all, in her sacred chinese pavilion, lending her power to help in this difficult task.

What a great, welcome surprise for this finale!! You might have heard me saying on Twitter that Clear Card is really a celebration of motherhood, with this constant presence of mothers and mother figures who try to help these kids growing up without removing their right to choose for themselves. And since Yelan is the only mother figure who can concretely help Sakura in this moment, with her immense power, I really loved to see how this woman didn't hesitate to assist her future daugher in law. For any SyaoSaku fan, this scene here is a huge thing. We have seen in the anime how Yelan doted on Sakura ever since she met her in Movie 1, even before her own son realized his feelings for this girl. Yelan and Sakura haven't met in the manga yet (and hello, CLAMP, now this is a good chance for letting that happen, after the madness is over), but the woman didn't hesitate a moment to lend her power. I can really imagine how along these two will get, in the future. ❤️

Sakura thanks her aloud, while her eyes show that she's really really tired. Yelan's assistance is finally effective in summoning the artifact book out of Kaito, and we see again those countless book pages that we saw both when Akiho used to go "berserk", and also in the most heartbreaking scene of chapter 70. Kaito, still holding onto a worried Akiho, seems to suffer physically from this removal, and I can't understand if it's because removing something magical from inside is naturally painful (we've been shown something like that before, Syaoran crouching to the ground in pain while the Sakura Cards were being removed from inside of him) OR if the removal of the artifact also triggered his poor health conditions in which we left him, before he disappeared in chapter 70.

Sakura tries with all she's got and finally manages to turn the artifact into its "true form": a book filled with countless of spells written in strange magic runes.

You have spotted it, right? ☝️ I haven't seen many fandom reactions yet, but I guess this "cameo" made more than one person scream: it's Fay D. Fluorite's tattoo, yes! This page of the "book" is probably describing the procedure to cast that tattoo (which was also a kind of "seal", if I remember correctly). So that spells exists in this CCS world too! 😅 The magic Sakura is weaving starts "working" on the book, literally removing the spells from its pages and turning them back to their original form of magical books (remember that the Squids used to say that they would inscribe "magic books" and their power onto Akiho?).

Then, solemnly, we hear probably for the last time ever the magical incantation that accompanied us in the beginning of the story, used by Sakura to secure the strange manifestations of power into a transparent Card:

ENG: "Force without master, heed the call of my Staff of Dreams and become my power! SECURE!"

The countless of books and all this tremendous amount of power get secured into the birth of a new Card: BLANK!!!

Blank got the human appearance of Akiho, but also the protective wings of Kaito. The girl is holding a book (of course, how perfect for her) which is the representation of the artifact that was inside both Kaito and Akiho. This card is really so meaningful for someone like me who loves Akiho and Kaito. It's representing them united in their suffering (the artifact) but also in the hope for a better future (Akiho is smiling and the Card will be used to grant them safety, away from their abusers). I've always imagined that one of the last Cards Sakura might have produced would have Akiho and Kaito's elements, and here it is.

Also, how AWESOME is that Sakura managed to dispose of that damn artifact and succeeded to use it for Kaito and Akiho's sake, and turned it against the monsters who created it??? HOW. AWESOME. IS. THAT!!!!

Producing the very first consciously created transparent Card sucked almost all of Sakura's power and strength, and she's close to fainting, under the terrified eyes of Akiho, who lets go of Kaito for a moment in a gesture of going towards her "sister". But Sakura isn't done yet, no. She can't give up yet because her job isn't done.

And I Will Make Them Remember About You

Sakura wants for Akiho and the people who care about her (the ENG decided to translate this with "the people SHE holds dear") to remember who Akiho really is. She wants basically to "undo" what the rewriting of the world caused on the people who know Akiho, making them believe that she was born into the Kinomoto family and that she was Sakura and Touya's sister.

After pondering for a while and discussing with my friends over at my Discord server, I decided I'm not gonna go out on a limb and assume things from this decision, because I definitely NEED to read the next chapter to see how much Sakura intends people to remember, with this move. It's really not clear at all, as of now.

Anyway, other translation inaccuracy incoming!

Sakura, ENG: "I'm going to make another new card for that...and I might not have the power to do it alone" Sakura, JP: "It might probably be really difficult to create one more new card with my power, right now..."

As you can see, the nuance is different, because Sakura in the JP addresses how it's almost impossible for her to create another new card in the situation she is in right now, exhausted and all.

That's why, very cleverly, she's going to do something different. (My gosh how proud I am of this girl!!)

Saying "But these two Cards will surely help me", Sakura skillfully manages to merge Time and Rewind to create a new Card, not from scratch (which requires more power) but using what she's already got: and that's how the REMIND Card is born!!! The name of the Card originated by just replacing the "W" of Rewind with the "M" of Time. Ingenious, isn't it???

And as the two Cards merge, they give us lots of flashbacks, like the "effect" used here resembles a lot the one that used to happen when Sakura was changing the Clow Cards into the Sakura Cards back in the old arcs, or how the merging of two Cards seems to also be a callback to how the "card without name" and the "Nothing" merged to create HOPE in the very last minutes of Movie 2! What a nostalgic trip down the memories lane!

And the appearance of this Card is even more touching, because it features Syaoran (with his current age) holding Nadeshiko's pendant watch. I found that so sweet, especially coupled with Yelan's assistance to Sakura in this chapter. Yelan associated with Sakura, and Syaoran associated with Nadeshiko. How sweet. And when you think that even Lilie, Akiho's mother, was associated with Kaito, you really can realize that this is some kind of "theme" that CLAMP seemed to be wanting to portray in this story.

I Can't Be On Everyone's Side

And now, the scene that I think is worth the whole chapter, but probably the whole Clear Card Arc in its entirety. As usual, with important scenes, I'll use the literal translation from Japanese:

Sakura, JP: "It might not be right that there'll be people who will forget things (after this), but....I can't be everyone's friend/ally/can't be on everyone's side. So I won't go back...but actually, along with the people important to me... I WANT TO GO ON"

Wow. Let that sink in.

Sakura, of Cardcaptor Sakura, just came to the realization and spelled out clearly that she cannot be on everyone's side. That she cannot be "everyone's friend", like in a cheesy fairytale.

And I really, really, want to thank CLAMP-sensei for this scene and this line because for a period, long time ago, I was worried that this story would go down the "let's be friends" or "let's show sympathy to them" route. But as the chapters continued and the things CLAMP told us about the Association and the Squids were more and more cruel, and they made me more and more sick, I started to realize that there was simply no way CLAMP could've had Sakura try to justify or compromise with them. Because when cruelty is real, there's no compromise to be made.

This scene also shows how Sakura realizes for the first time ever that in her world, contrary to what we all believed previously, evil exists. It might not touch her or her "entourage" directly (and she's really blessed for that), but it exists out there and it's hurting people, people who can also become really important to her. And she decides to not stand idly by, blessed as she is with the luck of not experiencing that evilness, but actually using whatever it is in her power to bring those suffering people to safety.

Sakura cannot fight those people on equal terms. She's just 13, and although her power is very strong, she's still inexperienced. Moreover, she cannot really bring herself to deny her current nature and use violence on other human beings. That's not Sakura. I want you guys to reflect on this because I know that one of the favorite things expected for this finale was to have a direct magical confrontation with the true villains of this arc, defeating them and restablishing the peace. And I am sincere when I say that I would've wished for the same too, because you know how much I love Kaito and Akiho, and how much I was disgusted to read about what they did to them. I've spread my "burn the squids" gifs all over the fandom. I wanted someone to vindicate them. But not here. Not in this manga. I realized that after the initial satisfaction, I would've probably felt like the series would've been "defiled". And that's exactly what happens when you answer to violence with more violence.

Sakura just could not go hunting those bastards down and defeat them in a magical battle. Because, powerful and corrupted in their greed as they are, the only way to "fix" this situation would've been to exterminate them. I just could not picture this story to cross that boundary, no matter how much the bar had already been raised well over what we initially thought.

So, if someone out there is disappointed by this outcome, I'm sorry for you, but it was just not meant to be and I'm actually really glad that this series kept true to its fundamental values. Of course it would, CLAMP really do care about this series and they know very well how far to push the plot, and when to actually stop.

So what is the role of Akiho's clan and the Magic Association in this story, especially considering that we never saw their faces at all? Talking with lots of fans in these years, especially Japanese, I've come to the conclusion that they are not in this story to fill the "villain that needs to be deafeated" role, but actually they're a representation of abusive families that smother and suffocate their children with expectations, completely disregarding those children's natural inclinations, and abuse them when they do not meet such expectations, but also the society as a whole, that looks at you only basing on how it can take advantage of you. Which is exactly what happened to Akiho and Kaito, driving them to very dark places. The absence of faces for those characters makes it possible for the readers to see the Squids and the Association as the representation of whatever environment they relate the most to. It can be family, society, school, workplace etc... It also helps us focusing on their actions, rather than their faces, and not attribute any prejudice to them (because of religion, race, skin color, or whatever other attribute they could have).

Seeing as the story treats them more like a concept, than an actual entity, it's basically impossible for Sakura to defeat them (and their great power is an indication of that impossibility). Just like in real life, darkness will always exist, along with light. Good and evil will always be side by side. It's bigger than any of us. Then, what can we do, in a situation like this? What Sakura is choosing to do, here, is not to confront directly with violence these people who are way out of her league, and not even to sit back and look, but actually finding a way to make them forget about her friends and keeping her friends safe, granting them the possibility of living a happy life, finally away from the darkness of the past, healing the wounds on their souls together with the people they love and who love them back. Because even if you've been abused in the past, you can still hope for a happy life.

The focus here is all on helping the abused people. And Sakura, in order to do that, is okay with coming to terms with the fact that she can't be on everyone's side, and she needs to choose. In the end, the thing that really matters the most is to GO ON with your most important people. Not going back to what is lost, but going forward. And I know that this is such a CLAMP theme, and I'm glad that they reiterated it in this arc. When I say that Clear Card brought Sakura so much more closer to what's usual for CLAMP, I mean this.

The panel with Sakura raising her staff and shouting she wants to go on is absolutely beautiful, with those wings growing so big and unleashing Sakura's power in a storm of cherry blossom petals.

Sakura is exhausted, she finally reached her limit by using her ultimate magic. As she faints, her eyes just make it in time to catch a glimpse of her prince, the love of her life grabbing tightly his girlfriend's hand, to not let her fall, while the watch of Remind and the book of Blank do their job in the background. And I really loved this spread too, because even if it's not a conventional romantic scene made of physical display of love, this in my opinion is even more powerful. Many were reminded of Tsubasa, but I was also reminded of the long time those two spent unable to touch one another, and this scene here seems like a catharsis for that hardship they went through. Syaoran will always catch Sakura everytime she falls, he will always be there to grab her hand, no matter if he can really touch her or not. Cause his love is stronger than any kind of impediment. He will always be by her side, no matter what. When she's exhausted by her heroine's duties, she knows that she can always count on him to support her.

And speaking of "always be by her side", I just can't avoid mentioning how Akiho and Kaito stayed "glued" to eachother for the entire duration of this chapter, protecting and supporting one another. Kaito, in particular, kept holding Akiho even as Sakura's magic was hurting him like hell, because it was extracting the book from him. Even in excruciating pain, he did not let go of Akiho, intent in protecting her and keeping her safe in his hold. Akiho let go of him just for a moment when she was scared out of her mind for Sakura, but went back to him when she saw that her "sister" was hellbent in completing her task no matter what. Kaito, as the good "moon boy" he is, is someone who shows his feelings through his actions rather than words, just like Syaoran. And his constant grip on Akiho in this chapter, such an opposite act compared to how he used to stop his hand everytime it started reaching out to her, told me all that I needed to know about him: she's his most important person, and he will never let go of her, ever again.

Sakura wakes up in her bed. The scene is a direct parallel with an almost identical scene in chapter 3, as you can see here:

Kero is next to her and is relieved to see her awake, so he goes to shout in the hallway, directed to Touya, that Sakura is finally awake. Sakura seems a bit surprised to see Kero talking so nonchalantly with her brother, and he tells her that he chatted with him back at Yukito's house, together with Suppy, so I guess now he finds it "natural" to talk to her brother too! 😂 I'm kinda glad to know that, I like this "change of relationship", compared to the old series (and it was also kinda long overdue).

Sakura opens the palm of her hands and she finds the Dream Key, still intact and all. She also asks about Remind and Blank, and Kero confirms to her that she was able to use them successfully! Sakura is absolutely delighted to hear that, and says "We were able to go on!"

And thaaaaaaat's how the second-to-last chapter of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card ends! Solving a lot of the pending situations, but still leaving some secondary questions that will surely find a (more or less) detailed explanation in the final, next chapter. And well, we also have to prepare to not have ALL the answers to ALL the questions we might have. This is usual for CLAMP, and especially in their Spaces they never made it a secret that they love for their fans to wreck their brains over theories and imagining the characters' future after a series is over. They love for the fans to give their interpretations to things, they encourage that a lot (also because it creates more long-lasting engagement with their series).

Alas, I expect they'll leave something in particular to everyone's interpretation, but we'll see. 😅

Overall, I really loved this chapter and it was really emotional for me. I think it's fitting for a "climax". Sakura was ABSOLUTELY running the show and after this I dare anyone to say that she isn't the main character of her story. She pushed her limits, and even questioned her own morality in doing so. What a wonderful thing. She reminded me so much of Sakura-hime when she shooted all those monsters in order to take the precious egg, back in the Acid Tokyo arc of Tsubasa. She knew she was doing something bad, but her wish to do everything needed in order to "have him back" was stronger than anything else. And she made her own choice. Here, Sakura, on a smaller scale, made her own choice too.

Now, I hope in the last chapter we'll be granted the possibility to delve a bit more into Kaito and his thoughts, I need to see his character development, I need to see that he learned something from this. That he -at least- started to interrogate himself over the nature of his feelings for Akiho. I know it's reasonable to think that with him, things will take looooong time, but as least show me the signs. Because I need to know that Akiho will be truly happy with him (I know she will!), and she can only be if he's learned to be honest with himself. And learned what Lilie meant with the last conversation we saw between them.

Also, WHERE'S MOMO, I NEED TO SEE MOMO BEFORE THIS ENDS!!

Okay, this is probably the longest post I ever did but I think as the second-to-last chapter it deserved to have some big thematics explored in depth, because they're very important. I'm still pondering if I should divide the post of the final chapter in two because, in addition to even more pages, I expect there'll be soooooooooo much to talk about (cross your fingers with me that there won't be any translation mistake).

I also hope there'll be room for an epilogue or a couple of extra chapters, to help us coping with the separation in a more gradual way, cause after 7 years it's quite hard. I was curious to see the end, of course, but also not entirely ready to let this wonderful story go. I really, really enjoyed it and I say this from the bottom of my heart. I don't care what everyone else thinks, I can only be grateful to CLAMP for Clear Card Arc. 🙏

Chapter 80, along with all the tears that will come with it, is expected to be uploaded on November 29th on CLAMP's Youtube channel. Yes, it's less than a month away! I also expect some news about the anime (BLESS THE ANIME!! Something to cling onto when the manga is over 😭).

Well, see you at the end of November (please come to hold my hand cause I cannot do this alone, lol) !!!

[fictionkinfessions]

Suddenly kinfirming Phineas of Phineas and Ferb fame is wild. Like, I just got kind of smacked in the face by a memory of telling a guy in college about the whole longest day thing and him saying something along the lines of "sounds like you didn't really get to see the world, then. Why don't I take you?" (and yes, it was as romantic and adorable as it sounds), and one of not realizing that having a girl as a best friend (well, best outside of my brother) was not the same as having a crush on her therefore dating Isabella for one very awkward year of college before she basically said "we both know you're gay, I think we can remain friends and leave out the romantic part". (she did become "aunt Isabella" to Candace's kids, but I don't remember if it was a "she got with Ferb" thing or a "she's an aunt because she's family anyway, no dating required" thing)

Kinda miss my eventual husband. He convinced me to really see the world in a way I hadn't, pointed out that even though my community loved me, they had failed me (no Pride parades in Danville until after I went to college and I generally was just ignorant of what being gay was or that it was possible, though everyone pretty much accepted me once I came out, I think they even hosted a Pride parade for the first time because of me), and we became sort of nomads together. We traveled wherever we could, got work all over the world (pretty much; we did avoid countries with anti-gay laws), and had a good life. Sad that he's not canon (yet? I can always hope).

x

[poupeesdecirque]

Travel Blog - HanaCon - 11/05/2024

It has been some time since my last travel blog entry. I can tell this one is shorter as I didn't stay at the con for long (just about 4,5 hours), but still I want to show you some impressions from the small convention.

As announced I wanted to wear the 3rd uniform again, I got new boots, had repaired a bit of damage and got a new wig to wear. Also first time with the Innocence.

As Hannover is just 1hr from here I got ready before I left home completely.

I arrived before the Convention opened, it was their first time so the organisation needs to grow and learn but I think they did a good job.

The location itself is cure and fitting but they were surely overwhelmed by the amount of people that came. You could tell they poured a lot of love into the details here.

As I felt terrible after an uber exhausting week at work I was looking forward to the con but the day it was I had quite hit rock bottom and just aimed to go there for a bit and head home again once I wasn't feeling it anymore. So my goal for now was to at least see a few of the events they had on the schedule.

The first started right after they opened it was a workshop about dynamic poses for Cosplay Photography and that one was surely interesting and I was able to answer questions and discuss, this was really good I like it.

It has been some time since I attended workshops but it was up to a great start.

While I sat in the workshop I noticed someone from the hallway recognized my cosplay and I hoped to see them later on again. Being recognized is the best.

I hopped right into the next one after that which was "Level up your cosplay" in which a lot of information was given about little tricks to enhance your cosplays, like how heavier wigs can be worn better, that a hand steamer can be really helpful and weathering your costume gives more depth.

Sadly I felt how I had trouble to focus more and more, therefore I kinda didn't pay attention at the end and didn't engage as much as in the other workshop.

I decided to enjoy my little lunch snack at that point. I did that outside, here are a few shots from the area around the building:

I went inside again to check the artist alley, the merchant room, the café etc.

The artist alley was quite small as well, about 6 artists were there and some items were already sold out as I went to the workshops first. The merchant room had 4 merchants, then you had a bring & buy (didn't take photos here) and at the 2nd floor there was the café with two more artists and the games area. Also the stage for perfomances. It was quite crowded and I wasn't really into the merch they had, therefore I didn't buy a thing.

I had planned to watch some performances later on but a bunch were around the same time as the workshops so I skipped. They even had a band from Japan for the evening, I had planned to see that too but as said I didn't stay that long.

Back outside I found the cosplayer from before again, to my luck there was only one Valentino from Hazbin Hotel and .... it was the Cross Marian from the Bookfair, now you know why the header image shows a Valentino and an Allen :') we didn't take photos together so I drew us.

We talked a bit about things, I explained how I made the Innocence and we just chatted along about plans for next conventions. Also if you are around me and you say you don't feel well I will start to pamper you, so, yes, Valentino used Tim as cushion. And pls for the love of everything try to drink more at conventions. I just drank a bit too little during the day and already felt it quite hard.

I have to say for the fact I wasn't satisfied with the make up as I left home I ... think the eyebrows came out pretty nice this time.

I went home around 14:40 again, I felt like it was about time. No cosplay photoshooting time time, as you can see ... I have selfies.

And I left my glasses at home which was a bad idea, I would have needed them.

[icharchivist]

I kinda can't stop thinking about Noa finding out his older sister, meeting her children and being like happy and all

But then, by extension he meets Lucifer, which is fine and nice experience, BUT he also meets Belial, Lucilius and Beelzebub and all their drama because of that.

Unfortunately I don't remember more about Noa, I just know he is really pretty and has history with Rackam and yet I still wonder about that

Honestly, it can be both canon and youtuber au or something else

Noa is one of my fav chara and especially my fav from the Main Story plotline, i genuinely cry everytime he has content, so this was done For Me and For Me Specifically.

Honestly him being established to have been created by the same astral as Cosmos does fuck me up because from what we know of Noa, he was pretty much active during the Astral occupation. At the time he followed his duty very closely and he was made to push people to make ships, and so it translated to how he used to basically guard slaves and push them to work. Until Noa gained enough free will to realize just how fucked up the situation was, and gave the slaves a way to escape.

(we learn all of that in his Grand FE when we discovers that a group of ex-slave that had escaped got stranded in an island in the Grim Basin, and had since then created a whole religion around Noa, whom they call a firm God, who yet decided to save them all. Noa is greatly uncomfortable with all of that and tries to tell them to give up on the cult but Rackam joins in the convo to talk about all the good things Noa has brought and all. It's legit just 10mins of Rackam going "heres why Noa is amazing and you shouldn't *worship him* but if you're going to appreciate him appreciate him for who he is now rather than how his masters forced him to be at the time").

This is a huge part of why Noa keeps a low profile and doesn't meddle with humans much. He feels extremely guilty for his involvement in the Astral occupation, and now he only wants to inspire people without actually acting much on them.

Meeting Rackam changed a lot of things because Rackam immediately was taken with affection for Noa and promised him that they'll meet again and travel together and nothing could tear them apart, except he made this promise on "You're Forced To Keep All The Promises You Make Here By Magic" Island, so Noa got really affectionate with Rackam and especially want to stay by his side and support him in his dream to be a great Skyfarer, if only by making sure the Grandcypher will always be up to Rackam's standards.

If anything it tells us that Cosmos's creator, who created her at the time Lucilius's made the archangels, was also involved as a colonizer during the Astral occupation.

It's also interesting to think about that due to the fact that, by all account, Noa was up until now considered one of the first "War time Primals" who broke free from his purpose in order to carry on his own free will. now it raises the question, was he created thousands of years before and therefore it's why by the war he could break free? or would eventually his creator have affected the way he could eventually evolve from it? Would the fact Cosmos probably would have a specific relationship with him due to their shared creator means eventually she could have affected his desire to break free during the war, leading her to then meet up with Lucifer? Or is it the opposite, and Noa breaking free from his purpose because it was making him miserable, influenced Cosmos to join Lucifer after the war because she knew it was possible for the Primals to move on?

It also does bring a dynamic concerning their masters, that is different. Cosmos carried the will of the Astral who created her so much so she couldn't break free from her purpose until we "killed" her. but Noa did break free and did keep a low profile before his master even left the Skyrealm. They have a different implied relationship to the Astral who created them.

And while i don't have the details of the FE, Noa being the one who manages to influence everything in order to bring Cosmos back, this time to give her an opportunity to grow as herself away from the impulse of their Astral? feels poetic in a sense.

SO YEAH i actually feel strongly about that addition as a major Noa girly.

As to how it would influence canon or AUs, i need to think a little more about it, for now i'm gathering like, the canon infos we have and how to connect them before going into AU dynamic.

In the Youtuber AU i feel like it could eventually set Noa up as a little more distant to the core family because he's the one who rebelled hundred of years ago, and while he doesn't begrudge Cosmos for not breaking free, he can't exactly be here unless she is ready to move on as well. He's the runaway kid that probably had influence over Cosmos but mostly just had to break free and do his own thing.

Also in a modern AU i feel like Noa could work as a mechanic of some kind, especially specialized in boats, but anything can do.

But the whole thing about Noa is that he likes to keep a low profile, he doesn't want to be on the fullfront because he genuinely resents the time he was pushed to be the one giving orders. So i actually feel like Noa would not actually want to have a Youtube chanel of any kind.

I feel like he could appear in Rackam's videos once in a while though like, Rackam is doing some mechanic videos and Noa hangs out in the background, and he just smiles cryptically and doesn't specifically talk a lot, he keeps a low profile and all of that.

So for the audience it could be jarring when one day, after Cosmos and her family properly separated themselves from their creator, Noa appears quickly in one of the video. Maybe he comes to check in on Yuni, or make sure Cosmos is alright and stable. He doesn't want to stay too long, especially not in front of the camera.

But now people are just "who the FUCK is he". he's the local Youtube Cryptid.

As for how he would meet the rest of the wmtsb gang i don't know how to connect it all just yet. we'll get there. Eventually.

That's my take so far.

Anyway stan Noa.

[long-distance-love]

Hi! First and foremost I'd like to say that I love your blog and how it makes me feel not so lonely and judged by my relationship. Thank you guys 🤍

So, I don't know exactly where I'm going with this, looking for advice maybe (if it's advisable). My boyfriend and I are together for 5 months now, about 932 miles away from each other, although it might not seem a lot, it's been pretty hard. I unfortunately can't travel to see him due to financial reasons and his life is kinda all over the place, he's trying to manage the business he inherited from his dad, he didn't even want but now can't really get rid of it, for that reason he's now having to study to figure it all out therefore can't come and meet me also. Because of that he's already previously tight schedule became even tighter, he can barely call me in the morning (which he did every day ever since we started dating, even if it was just to say good morning and hear my voice) and pretty much don't ever call me at lunch (which he also did every day). And that makes me feel bad because he pretty much put the decision in my hands, he was having a meltdown about how he was feeling bad for not giving me enough attention, he sensed I wasn't happy about it, led us to an almost breakup and he told me all that was going on. Honestly I thought he was going to breakup with me at first, he was saying how he wasn't being able to manage all and was afraid he was not letting me live my life and meet people and losing opportunities but breaking up wasn't in his mind either. I said that I didn't want to lose him (our connection it's amazing, we've never felt what we feel for eachother for anyone else before, we've both stated we're the love of eachother's life, no exaggeration) we love each other and that's enough for us to fight this rough situation, but for that we had to talk more about future and what we wanted out of this relationship and if we wanted each other in our life's in the future for it all to be worth it. He said he agreed but he was planning to talk about it in person when we would see eachother next, which happened to not happen at all. and now I kinda don't know what to do, I don't want to push him for us to have the talk and demand his attention and calls because he's going through a lot lot and I agreed to it, but I also miss him too much, sometimes I feel like he's not making an effort, cause I would literally go sleepless for him if I had to and we don't even video chat for 5 min before going to bed. is that to much effort? that would be kinda enough for me, seize a lot of my anxiety and overthinking but I don't know how to go about it without being pushy, idk if I'm just being needy and unreasonable. Am I putting the cart ahead of the horses? Is it to soon think about the future? Am I an arsehole for kinda wanting to get back on my word, maybe wanting to set a schedule for us to talk more? Am I just too much?

Sorry for the way to long ask.

A.

(2/2)

It's me again haha just wanted to add that he's great, we've never had issues communicating at all, until now, he's so caring and loving. he makes me feel like the only girl in the world, really. But the past few weeks have been tough, he was going through a lot and didn't tell me but had to eventually and said he was trying to protect me and not burden me with all that, and I told him that by doing that he was doing the opposite of what he wasn't wanting to do, and keeping me out was bringing he's fear of us becoming distant from eachother to life. Am I just bring too emotional?

A.

Dear A.,

Thank you for being here, and for trusting us with your troubles. 💕 I'm very sorry for the delay in getting back to you, but as I've explained in this post, this blog has been facing some issues and unfortunately that has curbed our usual motivation and momentum when it comes to managing this blog. But here we are, and I still hope this response will help you. 💕

(continued under the cut)

First I feel like laying down a few heavy hitting truths to drive them home for you:

5 months is a long time, long enough to demand to know how your future will look like together

Being understanding and supporting is a good thing when your partner is going through things, but being ignored to a point where your boundaries aren't respected and your needs aren't met isn't acceptable

If he wanted to, he would (no matter how busy he is)

Wanting to call every day in a long distance relationship shouldn't be labelled as too much - it's baseline imo

You're not needy for wanting attention (read this again please)

From what you've told me, I feel like you've been put aside for the sake of this business he's inherited, or he's using that as an excuse to not be so close to you. You two need to have that conversation you've been tabling as soon as possible. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you feel neglected and tell him you want more conversation, intimacy and closeness. I refuse to believe he doesn't have an hour for you in the evening when he's relaxing or cooking or watching Netflix or whatever. If you were priority, calling you wouldn't be a chore but rather it'd be a joyous task. If someone has to be asked to call you when you're supposedly the love of their life, that's a major red flag to me. However. I don't want you to freak out, or rush to break up with him. This is salvageable, and you two could learn so much from this and grow together. But that's a lot of work and he needs to be willing to put the energy and time into it. Same as you.

In my native tongue, a romantic relationship is called párkapcsolat, which means a relation between a couple and I really like that. It emphasises the relation between two people who are in love with each other and who take care of the connection between them. And it really always comes down to two people, and it's okay for your efforts to be different sometimes. The work divided is rarely ever 50-50, sometimes it's 40-60 or 20-80. And that's okay as long as it's acknowledged, appreciated and temporary. You cannot keep a relationship alive alone forever, no matter how hard you try. Your partner needs to understand this as well. He wants to be committed to you, he said so himself. He doesn't want to lose you or break up with you. Well, it's time for him to put in the work too. Even when he's tired. Even if it's not 50% of the work right now because he's very busy with life. You have boundaries and needs that need to be respected in a relationship, and you have to respect yourself as well and acknowledge when those boundaries are disregarded and when your needs aren't met.

So, just to reiterate, my advice to you would be to demand that previously tabled conversation because you deserve an answer no matter how busy your partner is. He's making you suffer and he should be aware of that. And you're not needy for wanting his attention. You've given him almost half a year which is a very long time, you're in a committed relationship, it's time for him to act the part.

Wishing you nothing but the best (and lots and lots of strentgh)! 💕

- Danny

[logisticalandrewthinks-blog]

Rebirth

Feel like i gotta put an edgy title, even if I'm not feeling as edgy at this moment in time. its been a little while, a little over two years in fact, last i posted was August 7th 2022, now its August 30 2024.

I've graduated university now, and was lucky enough to have snagged a job before I finished that pays decent and has alright upward mobility. I'm wondering if I should feel happy now or if that will come later? it feels all a little too empty. Although I am not in the depths of despair that I used to always be in when I posted on here, i am feeling slightly empty on is this all life is now. I'm moving in with Hung next year, so theres that to look forward to, and also the Japan trip is finally happening, of which I have done my best to plan and organise, I realise now that if I want to do something, I should organise it, otherwise nobody will do it, since the people I tend to surround myself with are very low maintenance people who therefore aren't really planners much with the exception of like Kass I guess, who enjoys this sort of thing of being organised and planning for things. But I do have Japan to look forward to I guess, I am excited for that, but a part of me does wonder if all I will do now in life is just make money so that I can go on holiday, and then work, then go on holiday. I dont really have many aspirations to own a house or even relationship stuff much at the moment, though next year maybe ill try to date again to see if im any different to it, and if im alright to date now. Its more that in my future I see other people getting together with other people, and i feel like i should follow suit, like i should have myown person that im with too, since at a certain point of our lives i assume we wont see eachother as much since they'll be preoccupied with their significant others.

All this talk of is this all life amounts to and tangentially being related to that, the worth and happiness of a life made me go back and read an old manga that I really liked when i first read it back in the day called "I sold my life for ten thousand yen per year." which is about a guy who does just what the title says, he sells his remaining life til just three months, since he has nothing to live for but not a lot of money, so why not live a few months in luxury at least. I won't regurgitate the entire story but its worth a read again future Andrew if you're still there, thats quite touching and gets you thinking about the worth and happiness of a life.

This is probably the most mentally healthy I've ever typed into my blog, materialistically things are looking up for me, I'm gonna be making decent starting wage with benefits at a (allegedly) good company, Ill be doing hybrid so work from home some days and work in office other days. I have a group of friends online that i frequently join the voice calls daily to hang out and game if that occurs or watch things. These extend to real life too, seeing friends in real life and interacting with them. Its all going in a way, materialistically very well, and yet I can't help but feel, "is this it?". Like am I supposed to just do this for another 40 years til I retire, to then just rot away and die?

Something I did do this year which I really enjoyed was travelling, I went to morocco with oogin + HABS people which was an amazing short trip, a 8/10 experience could only be made better if we were there longer, paris with chrystal and josh 💀 was a 5/10 but mainly cause of being a third wheel of a couple that I don't think should be together, maybe I'll keep a record of their thing later if I can be bothered, and also went to the peak district to try outdoor climbing for the first time, and then to manchester recently for a wellness chec kinda thing for chrystal, since she always visited us but we never visited her but i said i wanted to, so i said fuck it ill organise it, when are you guys off and so 4 of us went up north to manchester for two days. But all this to say, I really do enjoy travelling, I finally understood why those hippie sorts of people spend their entire lives travelling, I used to think oh it must get so tiring and so boring so fast, wouldnt you want to just sit down and chill? but you can! you can sit down and chill underneath a blanket of stars, or sit by a warm fire, and just look out into the distant deserts of morocco. I really enjoy travelling and I hope to do a lot more this next year.

Something else i took up in the last two years is bouldering, its a hobby that i genuinely enjoy, I've been climbing for two years, on and off, (maybe like 6 months total where i didnt climb so technically one and a half years) but its what inspired me to then go outdoor bouldering with puru armaan and yossi which was a fun trip, though it was humbling how difficult it is! currently I can climb v4-v5 indoors but i could barely only climb V0+ outdoors, which is like beginner grading, which is pathetic 😭 hopefully next time will be better.

I'm not really here to say much else, If i think of something Ill post again soon, but its 8 am and ive stayed up all night to watch LE SSERAFIM's comeback "CRAZY" which is really fucking good. Thats another thing I've done in the last two years, is gone back to my kpop roots cept this time i have the disposable income to irresponsibly spend money on merch and albums for LE SSERAFIM. the music and obsession as a hobby has really helped though, it gets me through the hard times seeing the behind the scenes and watching the live streams and hearing them talk about their lives. Bias is Miyawaki Sakura since I already kinda was biased for her in IZONE when she streamed gaming content on youtube and made videos for gaming.

I would say to end this post that LE SSERAFIM and Bouldering funnily enough have saved me, in the last two years. Two years ago i was hurt fairly badly by people who i thought i was close to, though perhaps i never was since its an online friendship, how close can a online friendship be? obviously an online friendship can be very close, but it depends alot, and it seems perhaps this was not one of those times. I dont recall if i ever actually outlined what happened from my point of view as a record, so maybe ill do that. haha i always say ill write these things and never get round to doing it. it does help somewhat though, clear my thoughts by writing in this blog, so i really should do it more often, maybe now im more mentally well ill do it???? who knows. we shall see in the next one.

I shall leave with le sserafims latest song that got released 4 hours ago, which is the cuntiest thing i have heard in a while, and will defo be a bop to remember, and so future andrew!! relearn your roots!!! go back to listening to le sserafim and rest up!!!

[hotarutranslations]

What Does Ako-chan Think Of Watermelon

Evening

I ate my first watermelon of the season~~🍉

Before traveling from Hiroshima to Okayama, So, after the Hiroshima performance, I thought, I want to eat something refreshing!

I was looking for cut watermelon!

But since there was 11% sugar content,

I was thinking about it like, I wonder how it will be, (I have an image of it being over 12% in the summer)

It was completely delicious……😌🫶🏻

While thinking, its delicious! I wanted a place to go, with the emotions like, but its so delicious!

I looked at Ako-chan, as I was standing next to here,

But I didn't convey it🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ lol

As I silently ate it, Ako-chan kinda,

Couldn't open her bottle, And she asked me with great timining, Ishida-san excuse me……

Therefore I opened it, and in exchange, I'd like you to listen to me too,

and I conveyed that,

The watermelon!! Is delcious!!😂👏🏻

I just said that, and not anything else←

If I had asked, will you eat one!? She may have been happy about it, But I finished it before she even talked to me……

If Ako-chan doesn't like watermelon, its kinda, really like, I'm sorry!? Now

Ako-chan thank you for listening to me~~ lol

As today is Wednesday��✍🏻

Tokyo Sports note Series Play back Series It has been published again

This time is from 2018, looking back on the column I wrote when we went to our first Rockin'! I felt nostalgic reading it myself, but it was a story I remembered well like, yeah yeah!

Please definitely read it if you're interested🪽

We're performing at Nippon Budokan on May 27th (Mon)

It will be live broadcast on Hulu And we're showing it on Live Viewing

Its been decided we're holding this🫶🏻

Lets have fun together, whether we're at the venue or not at the same time🫶🏻

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" April 13th (Sat) at 10:25AM~ Ishida Ayumi Goes~!

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿

May 15th Release Morning Musume '23 Concert Tour Fall "Neverending Shine Show ~Seiki~" Fukumura Mizuki Graduation Special YokoAri's 2nd Day With Fukumura-san's Graduation Performance

May 15th Release Morning Musume '23 Concert Tour Fall "Neverending Shine Show" SPECIAL YokoAri's 1st Day With OG Performances

🪩Spring Tour Is Ongoing Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring MOTTO MORNING MUSUME

⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

🪩The MusiQuest 2024 July 21st (Sun) PiaArena MM

We're challenging a new festival stage❤️‍🔥 Absolutely, Definitely, Thank you for your support❤️‍🔥

🍉Sanrio Character Grand Prix Thank you very much for supporting Gaokki🍉

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! ~Expressing Love Towards My Favorite Panda-san♡ ver.~ in Adventure World

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! Mei-chan's Holiday. Adventure World with Oda-san and Ishida-san

see you ayumin <3 https://ameblo.jp/morningmusume-10ki/entry-12852341235.html

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #610

Top Ten Sequences from the Fantasia Films

Amazingly – or unsurprisingly? – I’m banging on about something to do with Disney again, for at least the fourth week in a row. At least Disney is such a huge and monolithic corporation that their output can veer wildly from superheroes to creepy freaks to, in this case, classical music.

Fantasia is a weird film, and I think it’s one that’s more enjoyable as a sort of historical exercise than a film in its own right. Thanks partly to just being a bit of a swot, and also to the invaluable resource that is the Disniversity podcast, I know all about the whys and wherefores of its production – Walt Disney’s intent to create a theatrical experience, a living musical document that would travel the globe, with new songs and animation being added, old ones stripped away; however, the massive budget and meagre box office put paid to his plans. The film, therefore, is an animation curio, one that most people have seen bits of, but which is probably isn’t of towering interest to most unless you’re a classical music scholar, an animation nerd, or maybe just a Disney completist.

The same is broadly true for its belated sequel, a film which troubles the chronically anal by being called Fantasia 2000 whilst releasing in the year 1999 (it’s not as egregious an offender as Blues Brothers 2000, which as well as being a worse movie in and of itself, also had the audacity to come out in the Year of Our Lord 1998 – but I may have digressed slightly). These two films are oddities in the Disney catalogue, audio-visual smorgasbords celebrating what the filmmakers considered some of the very best compositions recorded. They can be bold and daring and fascinating and – yes – entertaining; but they’re kinda weird things to just sit and watch, especially at home on Disney+.

Anyway, the very fragmented nature of the films makes it quite easy to separate the distinct individual segments; the various different animated sequences, each based on a piece of classical music. Now, before we go any further, it’s worth pointing out that I’m not a classical music scholar; when you say Beethoven I think of the dog. My introduction to opera was Bugs

Bunny. Ride of the Valkyries is the theme tune to Apocalypse Now. I am an ignoramus in this world. So if you’re looking for nuanced takes on the musicality on display, this ain’t that. I can’t really comment with any degree of aptitude or authority on how well the films interpret the music, or whether there’s some deep reference or allusion or anything like that. I can just watch each short film and talk about if I think it’s good or not, based on my own opinion and very little else.

All that being said, there are some belters here. And I guess the overall quality – how much I like it, basically – does rely on how well I think the music and the animation sit together, in harmony if you will. And that’s all there is to it! Now let’s put our monocles in and get all artsy-fartsy.

Rhapsody in Blue (Fantasia 2000, 1999): spoiler alert, we’re going to see a lot more OG Fanta here rather than its sequel, but my favourite sequence is still this adorable epic from 2 Fant 2 Asia. The Gershwin composition, being more recent than most, evokes the Twentieth Century, and the heavily stylised art – all solid lines, flat colours, and round-headed characters – likewise is redolent of minimalist sixties animation. The combination of the two feels tailor-made to tell the story of a city, a marked contrast with the more pastoral offerings of most Fantasia pieces. It’s a bustling urban story, with multiple characters weaving in and out, and it actually tells a proper story rather than “just” being a dance or something abstract. It’s great, it’s multicultural, it’s funny, it’s rather touching, and the music and animation combine to produce something magical. Should have won an Oscar all on its own.

The Rites of Spring (Fantasia, 1940): the first two “proper” Fantasia pieces are very me-centric; this one’s all about dinosaurs! And it’s suitably badass, with exploding volcanoes and foreboding skies, the tumultuous creation of the world leading to swift Pteranodons and lumbering apatosaurs before the thrilling appearance of a T-Rex. The music fits perfectly, the highs and lows depicting furious chaos and sudden drama before slowly fading out as the dinos are wiped away by storm and sun.

Night on Bald Mountain (Fantasia, 1940): the absolute master of bad-assery, and a serious contender for the most metal thing Disney has ever done. Look, it’s got the freaking devil waking up on a mountain and getting all kinds of freaks and skeletons and stuff to dance around. The music rocks – despite not being, y’know, rock music – and the visuals are just extreme. Chernabog – the big bad devil dude – is just iconically evil and delicious, and it all ends with a choir of monks singing Ave Maria and restoring good to the world. It’s amazing.

Pastoral Symphony (Fantasia, 1940): beautiful pastoral scenes with all kinds of sprites and nymphs and whatnot, delightful and cute mystical creatures cavorting under pastel skies. It’s all nice and relaxing. Except actually it’s probably the horniest thing Disney have made, with all these little Greek guys are desperately trying to get it on with each other.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (Fantasia, 1940): ah, the big famous one. You can probably buy toys of some of the other Fantasia bits and bobs, but it’s Sorcerer Mickey who’s the break-out star. And it’s still a great little story! Mickey is really cool in this. When it gets to the bit where he freaks out and starts hacking the brooms apart with an axe, it’s actually really gnarly, and choreographed brilliantly to the music.

Carnival of the Animals (Fantasia 2000, 1999): a short but funny little piece as a group of flamingos try to be all refined but are frustrated by their goofy mate playing with a yo-yo. It harks back to some of the dancing animals from the first Fantasia, but adds a good deal more comedy, which ramps and ramps with slapstick abandon.

Dance of the Hours (Fantasia, 1940): the serious counterpoint to the above – well, sorta. But the dancing ostriches and hippos do try to represent the music with some sincerity. But it’s how the oh-so-Disney animals interpret the dance – ballerina hippos being held aloft by comically skinny crocodiles – that really sings, with the whole thing building and building until it literally brings the house down.

Pomp and Circumstance (Fantasia 2000, 1999): that’s the name of the music, but probably most people would call it “Noah’s Ark” – for that is what it is. Clearly an attempt to “do a Sorcerer’s Apprentice” by casting an established Disney stalwart, we see Donald Duck as Noah. Well, actually, Noah’s assistant or something. It’s funny, it’s sweet, it’s dramatic, and there’s a bit where Donald – a duck, remember – has to lead a pair of ducks into the Ark.

Firebird Suite (Fantasia 2000, 1999): a kind of attempt to do an updated version of Bald Mountain, as a sweet life-giving woodland spirit is overcome by a vast and destructive firebird. Like the day/night dichotomy of Bald Mountain it’s about how death and new life are an inherent part of the natural world. And in its anthropomorphism of such concepts – and the overall art style employed – it’s pretty Ghibli-esque too.

Piano Concerto No. 2 (Fantasia 2000, 1999): more from the sequel than I thought really. This one is very interesting, and I think I like it more as an animation artifact; but approaching both these films kinda clinically, as if wearing a beret, is probably a decent approach regardless. This is a soft adaptation of an existing story, a little toy soldier trying to get back to his ballerina doll but attacked by a sinister jack-in-the-box; but it’s the use of computer animation that sets it apart. Yes, it wasn’t a revolutionary concept – Toy Story 2 came out the same year, and other pieces in the film use CG animation to some degree – but this really feels like a minor landmark for Disney, one of (if not the) first times they told a whole little story in this new medium. And, y’know, it kinda works.

Sadly didn’t quite have room for the “Meet the Soundtrack” section from the first film, which invents the WinAmp visualiser about six decades early.

[elzdatz]

“In every other universe, Gwen Stacy falls for Spider-man… and, in every other universe, it doesn’t end well.”

“Well.. There’s a first time for everything, right?”

I love these lines so much, the song that they finish on “Self Love” is among my (if not my one and only) absolute favourites of the score of Across the Spiderverse. And these are also my favourite lines in the 2 movies we’ve seen so far. This is because they just say so much, and I wanted to explore that (cue 2 hours of straight brainstorming listening to the song staring at my ceiling losing my marbles then proceeding to dump a slightly cut down version but still lengthy neurodivergent mess onto my boyfriend who I’m sure enjoyed the loss of my sanity over this)

ANYWAY NO MORE INTRO NEEDED Gwen and Miles may be the first ever canon bending destined lovers. Key word: First, LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME (the government needs to shoot me before I start this spiral-)

Firstly, some context. NOW HEAR ME OUT this is me personally not taking into account that canon events may or may not be bullshit Miguel uses to feel better about his losses, I’M TAKING IT AS THEY’RE REAL AND FIGHT ME IF YOU WANT BUT IT WOULD BE THE CUTEST DYNAMIC EVER SO I’M GOING TO CONVIENIENTLY IGNORE.

Spider-man is canon to have a love interest, this being either MJ or Gwen and likely others in other universes. This is clear throughout the different movies and shown a lot when we have canon events explained to us in ATSV. Now, a bunch of events have occurred to both Miles and Gwen meaning that their situations are edited, and their canons are broken.

Miles is literally a walking canon break – he was never supposed to be Spider-man but due to the spot transferring earth 42’s radioactive spider to earth 1610 he was bitten and earth 1610’s spiderman dies, MJ is evidently too old for Miles and therefore he doesn’t have a planned love interest. Instead he was lined up to take over from his uncle and become the Prowler, as we learn from earth 42’s Miles and my own personal generalised assumptions (reliable stuff here).

Gwen’s love interest was likely going to end up being Peter, but he died in a freak lizard shaped accident therefore she was left without a known interest. Whilst technically this wasn’t a canon break as this was the “Spider witnesses a death of someone close to them that could have been avoided” deal, its still kiiiiinda loosely close enough.

These technicalities are a (insert carefully calculated percentage chance) VERY RARE and possibly the first ever moment where the canon bends to allow a cross universe relationship because they both REQUIRE a love interest due to the canon (also insert or who will they be emo peter about joke) and see normally you wouldn’t have multiversal travel but with the events of the first movie plus the spider society in the second movie, Miles and Gwen meet and become friends and closer still. THIS is a bend in the canon because you aren’t supposed to travel between universes!!!! Think about it but don’t think too hard because my theory here has holes and I will cry if it gets disproved.

More on the lines at the end of Self Love, Gwen has known about canon events for months, Miles hadn’t even discovered them yet. She has doubt because theres always discourse in a Spider + love interest canon. But Peter B. Parker is proof that it can totally work out, and Miles, in naivity has blind hope because he 1. Doesn’t understand canon and 2. He cares for Gwen and they’ve been through a lot together.

I’m kinda just rambling and clutching at straws now but in my ideal world in my silly little head I am sobbing because Gwen and Miles could truly be the first time for everything and they deserve the whole world <3

Also, I’m aware that their whole relationship is likely a fanservice straight relationship^tm that we see in most media, HOWEVER I really love the way they go about Miles and Gwen. From the start they’ve been awkward little friends-who-flirt and I can totally appreciate that relationship it is ADORABLE.

I’m gonna shut the fuck up now before someone calls me a nerd even though for anything spider-man related – I so am. Contrary to popular belief, I’m also shutting up for my own sanity too :’)

[the-red-thread-that-strangles]

Alright, so, continuing the log, I am still very thightly coiled from what happened today, I hope writing this down will unwind me.

Okay. So. Where do I start.

Kim and I are too naive and trusting. Both Evart and the industry spy played us as pawns, and we played right along. Fuck.

Joyce fucked off too, and I am really hoping she's keeping her end of the bargain. I'll miss having that crazy old lady around, she was fun to talk to, and you always knew where you stood with her. A bit of a kindred spirit, almost. For now, it looks like she's holding up.

I fucking finally broke through the hardie boys, and it was nice to actually kinda get to know them? And work together? Really felt like it was going somewhere. It's a shame I fucked up big time at the tribunal. 4 of them are dead, including Titus. Fuck. They were supposed to help the pigs, what's gonna happen there now? :( I didn't want to shoot first, but I also didn't have the right words, and therefore, so many got killed. They didn't deserve that. Fuck.

I also finally tracked down Ruby, which was a bit easier than expected, just had to listen to the wind, and that somehow worked? Of course, it was obvious, narratively, that she didn't do it. I think this game looked at Occam's Razor and decided it would look nice in Harry's clean-up Bowl, but that's about it. Waaay too straightforward and conventient if she was it. At least about that I feel right. She almost killed herself, but I let her go. For a sec I thought she would be caught for the tribunal, but thankfully not. One good deed. Maybe. There are things that point to her that still need an explanation, but they are far and in-between.

I also finally figured out what's up with Cuno, and took away the drugs. Unfortunately I can't provide him with a stable home, and that'll probably be the end of that.

I am officially sober and a pinball master now :) Small mercies. I am still not quite over what happened in the Container, but it gave me the money to buy books and board games to play with Kim, which was fun. And I got to sing Karaoke. Now I just need to find that cryptid, and then that'll be all the personal goals fulfilled. Also there's the secret passage I could finally get into :) Cursed as it turned out to be.

I don't want to believe I am an agent of PM. I can't have been. Also why the fuck is my squad so passive aggressive.

But now for the main attraction. The tribunal. Fuck. We made it out alive and without a large-scale war, but at what cost. I was really hoping this could be resolved peacefully, but I think I would've needed to break through the accomplice first? Man, it's good going in here blind though. Anyways. I knew shit was up when I couldn't fast-travel after confronting Ruby. Talks went sideways basically immediately, although some of the info did help, I think. I did mostly well on the checks, until the shooting started. I am *so* glad I put on the ceramic armor before the fight; I think it saved my life, according with Kim. Fucking hell, Kim, my man, my Partner. I hope *I* don't betray him in the future. I hope *He* doesn't betray me too. We've been through too much. It would break my heart. Kim shot a guy, trying to save me. He was too slow, but he doesn't see well and doesn't like shooting and he still did it. When I was too hesitant to draw my gun he wasn't. Fuck. When I was lying there, hurt and bleeding out, he told me not to go. I almost cried when I saw the modifiers '+1 - Kim trusts you' '+2 - Kim *truly* trusts you' popping up for that pivotal check 'NO', and I am *SO* glad we both got out of that mess alive. I had gathered, looking some things up online, that Kim could end up in the hospital or dead, and that his trust in me could make the difference; but I didn't play to that, I was just my dorky, sad, confused self, trying to do my best, and he still liked me, and we still lived. I suppose he could still die, as the game is not over, but I hope the worst is over now. But yeah, Kim is great. Even though he was injured, he still took care of me and nursed me back from death's door for two days. Thanks, Kim. Holy shit, I don't deserve you as a partner. I am so sorry.

Now, we need to pick up the pieces. It's slowly becoming clear what happened, who played us. But the question remains: why? Why was there an additional, armed soldier with the mercs? Why did they play us? Who stands to gain from this war in spe, because it doesn't seem like it was the locals? I paid attention to the worldbuilding, but I'm still not sure. This was planned, and pre-meditated, and that has me concerned. But Kim and I are determined. We will take another look over the evidence, with our new knowledge. We will find what we were missing. We will go to Chekov's island, for the final showdown. Ever since I saw it in that coin-operated viewer, my gut told me there we would find the end. And then we will give them hell and arrest them, because I still don't wanna kill people.

Then there's still the question about what's going on with Dolores Dei, and why she reminds me so much of my ex-wife. And that last armor piece is still missing. And of course, we'll need to do something about the Church and Disco Elysium in there.

God, I hope it doesn't turn out it was actually me killing the merc and setting this all up. I don't want to betray Kim :(

Started Disco Elysium on a whim today (fucking finally)

I am an hour in and I would like to apologize to Kim for being such a disaster

Also this is gonna be fun

[thefirstknife]

I'm deeply sorry, but there is a small detail in the Witness's cutscene at the end of the WQ campaign that is driving me nuts and I really want to know your opinion:

Could it be that the Witness can break the forth wall?

I know it sounds like a Doki Doki Literature Club rip-off, but hear me out

I don't know how many people noticed this, but, after watching the cutscene a couple of times, I started to think that the choice of making the Witness speak, then turn around and face the camera to continue its monologue was very weird and almost out of place

I understand that the scene is structured so that it's clear that whatever message the Witness is sending to the Traveler is referred to us as well, but the choice of an "evil monologue" (in an empty room??) simple doesn't add up for a villain of its caliber, also considering that:

1 - they could have just shown its face in some other way that would have given the same effect

2 - it was clear it was talking/referring to the Traveler while speaking (in the scene you see a weird veil thing in front of the Witness showing it, so it's kinda obvious)

But the point is exactly that the Witness stopped talking to the Traveler and turned to speak with us: no other Destiny villain nor character ever did this once in the whole franchise, so why suddenly are we having a character facing the camera directly and make it explicit that it's talking to us as the Players?

I may just be seeing things because I really want someone else in the Destiny universe to break the fourth wall (aside from that Ahamkara piece of armor and the Emissary), but I can't unsee this now and I need answers - or a debate, both are good 0^0

It's very possible!

It wouldn't be the first time there was a 4th wall break in Destiny. Savathun in particular is known for doing it before. Truth to Power lore book is full of weird references and phrases, but one specific tab featured the following:

The letter reads "Achieve Light Level 999 and defeat Dûl Incaru in a one-person fireteam to unlock the true ending of the Dreaming City."

On top of this being 4th wall breaking by itself, it also spurned a lot of theories and people believed that following this instruction would break the curse on the Dreaming City. So one guy actually started working on it. It wasn't fully possible until they introduced artifacts in Shadowkeep.

Max power level at the time was about 930 if I remember correctly. It took an incomprehensible amount of time for him to level his artifact (during Season of Undying) to reach 999, which he did. He then went to solo Shattered Throne, as per instructions. He streamed it and had people helping him through the stream so he succeeded.

Nothing happened ofc, but devs wrote a congratulations post on the website! And it was graffiti'd by Savathun. So she directly interacted with us through the website, therefore escaping the game. This is the clearest 4th wall break we've ever had.

As you noted, the Nine are also known to be 4th wall breaking. Most notably apparent through Dares of Eternity which are directly treated like it's aware that we are players, but also the Nine tend to appear like they're speaking to us, the players.

Similarly phrased and acted out as the Witness cutscene, there's the Invitations of the Nine for the final, 9th, visit. There's a cutscene of the Emissary of the Nine talking to Drifter. He asks if there's anything else he can do for her (sarcastically, he's tired of the Nine's bullshit) and the next scene is just the Emissary looking directly at the screen, saying "Keep playing the game."

It's very much on the nose with how it's framed.

And ofc, ahamkara do this as well. For those that don't know, most notably, in Claws of Ahamkara:

Yes, we are here. We are not the photons on your screen, or the voice in your head, or the words you read.

And Skull of Dire Ahamkara:

I came to find you, only you, because you're special. You're from somewhere real. And together we can burn our way back there. Can't we, o player mine?

So, is it possible the Witness did it too? Absolutely. Especially when compared with the Emissary scene:

And ofc, both reference "the game" which can definitely be read as in-game universe thing, but also, considering all of this, could also be a reference to the fact that these entities know they're in a game.

The Witness is also talking directly to the screen in Lightfall trailer as well. Calus doesn't, not that I can see at least. When Calus is shown face-first, he seems to be looking up and away, towards the Witness off screen:

And the first time we see the Witness, it is looking back at Calus:

But then for the rest of it, it's looking at us:

So yeah, it's definitely possible! At least, it can double as a 4th wall break and it can be seen as the Witness talking to the Guardians as well as talking to the players directly. And it makes sense even! All of these examples of known 4th wall breaking were done by highly paracausal and unique entities, so it's more than likely that the being that embodies the Darkness would be able to do it as well.

[moonlesslights]

Going down (NSFW)

Ramsay Bolton

Pairing: Ramsay Bolton x Stark!Reader

Summary: You are the betrothed of Ramsay Bolton, however, attending to a celebration on the South, he gets a little too jealous of all the eyes on his lady. You take him to another room to avoid an scene a both decide to enjoy some time alone.

Warnings: Smut, mentions of sex.

(this is part of a serie of OS I want to start for Ramsay and “us”, it won’t be really a serie but fragments of their lives)

Enjoy!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The first time I decided to go deep throat on him was before an event with some lords and ladies.

He was jealous. Some lord of the south had been insinuating to me, being a little too friendly and Ramsay felt like people still didn’t get the fact that we were together or, what was driving him crazy, the fact that people though that i didn’t want to be with him… or was it?

—Calm down, love.— I say, my hands on his chest moving up and down.

—He was talking about your ass with his friend, in front of me… do you think that’s okay to let go?

—They are southerners, Ramsay. You know their manner of be is by far a lot more relaxed than ours.

—They are disrespecting you. They are disrespecting the Lady of Dreadfort and our house with it.

He is still trying to look for one of the windows in the room we were in, the room I took him trying to avoid an scene. I place my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. His eyes connect with mines, deep blue blending under the light of the candles, still confused when I smile.

—And what are you going to do, love?, are you going to flay them?— He can’t. I know it, that’s why I’m taking this so calm, if we were on the North, I would be fearing for their lives.

Ramsay frowns, biting his inner cheek and avoiding my look again. Now I know that this is not only jealousy, something else is upsetting him.

—What is going on with you, mhm?— I push my finger on his jaw, redirecting his face to me.

—Nothing.— He’s angry, I can tell by his voice and how he raises his eyebrows with annoyance.

—Tell me.— I insist. —We can’t go back out there with you looking like someone died… Or like you tried but didn’t succeed.

He ignores my words, only furrowing much more when he looks at me and finally continues:

—Yes, we are going back out there. With you in that pretty dress and hundreds of looks on your back.— His voice drops, and I can tell he’s about to spit what is burning in his throat. —But I’m not sure if you would like to go back to the North with me…

—Ramsay…— My heart gives a skip. What is he talking about?

—After all, we aren’t married yet, and you were only betrothed to me, so why wouldn’t you look for someone else out there?

The words hit in my brain and then I can get to feel how much this man loves me, even when he acts like this, like he would give anything make me leave him alone. My expression softens, putting my hand on his cheek again and felling, even as he resist a little, how his face seeks the touch of my fingertips.

—You’re not so clever as you think you are, my lord.— I murmur, smiling.

He turns to me and opens his eyes, confused.

—What do you mean?— Ramsay asks.

I don’t respond, instead, my head does a click with the idea to show him what I meant.

I fall to my knees, Ramsay leans immediately, trying to take my hand and whispering if I was okay, however, his attempts to put me back on my feet decline when I reach under his upper clothes. The second my fingers rub from his belly button to his pants, passing for the fine path of hair, he feels a chill run down his entire spine until it settles in his crotch. He clenches his jaw, slightly surprised of what I was doing.

Usually, he’s the one to star any kind of encounter that leads both of us to sexual pleasure. So, this, is a huge step for me and for this part of our relationship, because of what he said: we aren’t married, therefore, we haven’t had sex. However, since we started to sleep in the same bed at the Dreadfort, it was hard for Ramsay to keep his hands to himself. I said no the firsts times and he respected that, but as time passed and I got to see him in plenty of ways, I accepted that I was somewhat of touch starved… Even thought, not so much as him.

The first time I let go was at his office, late at night, when he kissed me with such hungry and desperation but yet so careful to not make me back away that I couldn’t take it anymore… And he realized that. He took me from my hips and place me on one of his legs, holding me tight. The rest was amazing: him, making me grind on his knee, moving me up and down for the fabric of his pants, asking me if it felt right that or this. Smiling until he had to put his hand covering my mouth to avoid my voice woke up half of the people there, no, then he wasn’t smiling anymore, he was laughing. One of the most precious laugh i’ve heard.

Since that moment, he haven’t stopped. Grabbing me by my hips again one morning, holding my back against his chest and with one hand around my stomach and the other going down on my pussy, he fingered me until I couldn’t stop shaking from pleasure with his digits hard and deep in me.

Other time was when, while I was grinding on his leg, I reach for the bulge among his legs. It took him by surprise, I guessed based on the way his head dropped back, murmuring a soft “fuck” under his breath. He wanted to be touched, I realized, he was dying for me to go for all on him but he never intended to push me, after all, I had just accepted for any of us to die of touch starvation.

That same time was the first time he made me scream his name high and clear. None of us could help it (I tried, I swear), but when he got too excited with my hand going up and down on his member, he turned us, positioning himself above me and beginning to simulate hard thrusts on me. He has always been a quiet lover, he groans and moans, but just never too loud. But me and the wooden bed?, well, we kinda woke up everyone in the castle that night.

So now, with me on my knees and pulling down of the fabric, he really doesn’t know if I’m going to do what he is thinking. His fantasies flying around his mind, he didn’t thought that, during this travel, it was going to happen.

—Did the cat ate your tongue?— I ask, smiling. He’s always nonchalant about how nervous I am during our time of pleasure, but know is him who doesn’t talk at all.

—We need to be quiet.— He murmurs, seeing even a little bit anxious. I chuckle.

—No. You need to be quiet.— Ramsay clenches his jaw again, watching out the window with a frustrated look.

I take his cock on my hand and hear him take a deep breath. I lick my lips at the same time I start to do some movements with my wrist. Then I look at him, asking if I should do the next step.

Ramsay loses his breath at the incredibly erotic sight. Passes saliva and nods, slow. Then, his head drops back when my tongue starts to move at the tip, circling it with my lips.

I give several movements with my head, turning to see him with each of them, trying to guess if I was doing it right. Ramsay continues to answer me with nods of his head, and as his breathing becomes more and more pasty, I feel him grow in my mouth.

—Go on, darling.— He whispers, letting out a heavy sight.

I focus on extending my tongue its full length before beginning to delve into my throat: I go down a little and go up again feeling my eyes watery, but then, I try again, playing with my hand with what I cannot take. I continue like this for some more minutes, greedy growing in my chest with the sounds and gasps that my betrothed lets go from his lips.

—You almost get it, dear.— I close my eyes when I feel his hand getting tangled in my hair.

Ramsay takes control, pushing my head against him and loosening only when I ask to go back. His brow furrows and insists again, my lips close around his member and then I proceed to open my jaw to the maximum that it gives me, closing my eyes, already too foggy anyway, until my nose touches something: his skin. My lips meet just at the base of his dick. Ramsay presses one hand at the base of my neck while the knuckles of the other on the table behind him turn almost completely white.

I push back and, with difficulty, he lets go, but just enough. As soon as I have only the tip in my mouth again, he pushes back inside, giving quick and calculated thrusts. His hand on the table tightens even more and the blood seems to drain from the layers of his skin.

—Look at me.— Ramsay demands. He’s about to come, I know: he always wants me to look at him before he does.

He takes one last thrust, drawing me back to the bottom and base of his member. He pushes, pushes and pushes until he makes sure that I have everything.

His hand drops my hair and, by the moment I try to clean that what felt out of my mouth, he takes my arm and makes me stand on my feet again. Two of his fingers trace my lips and his own cum before pushing them into my mouth.

—It’s all yours, darling.— He smiles, rotten. —Take it.

I swallow and clean my chin with the sleeve of my dress, smiling too. My cheeks red and heart pumping on my chest.

—Was it okay?— I ask. The doubt was still consuming me: Ramsay have had plenty of lovers, a lot that had done that to him…

—It was better that okay, darling.— He laughs, putting all his clothes back on and then turning me to give him my back. —You made me touch the bloody heaven.

I laugh, felling like I always did every time I was with him, doing wrong things and sharing private moments: alive. He makes me feel alive.

I noticed his fingers running through my hair and it don’t take long until I realize that he’s making my braiding again. I smile, confident. He had practice sometimes before, when we were late because he just didn’t want to get off of bed, or when I fell asleep during long travels and by the time we arrived my hair was a total mess. So he started learning to do it.

—Done!— He cheers, proud of himself after thirty minutes. I turn around and before I can say anything, he presses his lips on my forehead. I close my eyes for a few seconds and by the moment I open them again, he’s looking at me. This time, his smile it’s just the same I see when I kiss him goodnight, or when he says “love you” after coming back from some trip with his father. The same smile he has every time I wake him up with a lot of kisses. —I want to marry you.

—We are going to get married.

—I want to marry you now. Let’s just do it right when we get to Dreadfort again.

I wrap my arms around his neck and he wraps his own around my waist, pressing his forehead with mine.

—Why?, you can’t wait to have sex with me?— I ask, smiling.

—Yes. And I might be tempted by the vows of spending the rest of our life together.— I laugh as he giggles, giving him a quick kiss.

…

By the time we got out of there most of the guesses were already on their table, eating. And when we sneak into the celebration, Roose was already raising an eyebrow at us.

Ramsay and I looked at each other. Roose didn’t know what we did, but he exactly did not not know what we did.

For the rest of the dinner, I had to enjoy my plate under the reprimands of my future father and the disobedient laughs of my betrothed. Yet, the scenario couldn’t feel more like home.

A/N: Sorry if there’s any gramatical issue, english it’s not my first language and I still get a little confuse on log narrations. Hope you liked!