#at best she thinks I’m uneducated at worst she thinks I’m okay with my own people becoming extinct. god

[erythriina]

my mother, one of the smartest people I have ever met, genuinely believes hamas wants to kill all jews. what do I even do anymore.

[louisapennyfeather2021]

Honestly I don’t remember if I asked you to do this or noy, but can you do an imagine where y/n is rich so she takes racetrack out to dinner with her wealthy family and he blows it so he takes her to a club and shows her how to “be poor” kinda like the titanic scene? Sorry if I already asked this I have a sucky memory haha

Hello! I told you all I'd get this before Friday!

It's not very long because I had a limited amount of time, but I hope you enjoy!

I used They/Them pronouns again since so many of you were surprised/happy to see them last time😊

Race x Reader

Y/F/N= Your First Name

Y/L/N= Your Last Name

Y/N= Your Name

Summary: Y/N has taken Race to meet their mother at a dinner party that doesn't go as planned, do Race takes Y/N to a real party.

A/N: Very similar to the scene from Titanic. I will say, it's not the best since I haven't seen the movie in forever, but I promise I did my best!

***

"This is the most insane idea you've ever had." Antonio Higgins, better known as Racetrack for his uncanny ability to out maneuver most of the snobbish officers onboard the ship, cringes as he's all but stuffed into a tight suit.

"Relax, it's just a dinner. If I know you, and I do, you can last for at least an hour." Y/F/N Y/L/N rolls their eyes and straightens Race's suit. The lanky boy squirms and mutters under his breath as he try to get comfortable in the pristine articles of clothing.

"If you think I can last an hour without being able to breathe, you really are insane." Race whines as he quickly dodges Y/N's hands as they try to smooth down the mess of blond curls. "'Ey, watch it! Don'tcha know how long it takes me to get this perfect mix of messy and stylish?"

"I'm guessing not as long as it takes to wash out the dirt and grime." Y/N rolls their eyes for the billionth time in the last hour before careful straightening their own clothes.

With much opposition from almost all parties involved, Y/N's mother convinced them to invite Race to a dinner party. One at the dining hall for first class passengers. One with not just Y/N's mother, but also their potential fiancé and potential future mother in law. Of course Race has a high class guardian there for him, but that's nothing compared to two snooty women and an obnoxiously egotistical man. Obviously Y/N and Race were opposed, but Y/N couldn't exactly say no to their mother. She even opposed the event, but she already has a vendetta against the poor boy because Y/N spends more time with Race than anyone else on board.

"'Ey, the grime is a fashion statement." Race sticks his chin in the air and straightens his back to make him even taller.

"Yeah, okay." Y/N shakes their head. It's quickly followed by a knock on the door before Race's guardian, a man known as Jack Kelly by most, sticks his head in the door.

"I'm hopin' you both are ready. I'm not sure bein' late is what we need right now." Jack nearly mumbles the last part, his fingers tapping anxiously on the door to the cabin.

"Don't worry, Y/N got me as cleaned up as any heathen could ever be." Race smirks, receiving and shove on the shoulder from Y/N. Both huff before quickly walking towards the door and following Jack to the main deck. Y/N avoids looking at Race as the three walk along the railing in route for the first class dining hall. Ever since the, well, incident, Race has never let Y/N be by the railing alone. Whether Y/N's mother was watching from afar or not, Race didn't feel comfortable with himself if Y/N was left alone bear the railing. Y/N can still feel his eyes on them everyday, especially when they go out for some fresh air. Well, as fresh as it can get on the open ocean.

"Alright, I'm beggin' you to not do something dumb. At least not dumber than usual." Jack sighs, a look in his eyes like he already knows this will be a mess. Y/N thinks it can't possibly end horribly. It's just a dinner. What's the worst that could happen?

***

"I can't believe that just happened." Y/N speed walks out of the dining hall with wide eyes and stiff limbs. It wasn't even that bad in retrospect, but to people like her mother and Mrs. Delancey? It's barbarian. Y/N isn't even going to consider what Oscar's thinking. The man can hardly function without insulting someone or something.

"It wasn't that bad, right?" Race asks, an optimistic edge in his voice.

"No, no. Really, no. At least not to me or Jack." Y/N tries to suppress the "but", but feeling Race's eyes on them makes them crack. "But to my mother that's just embarrassing."

"Seriously? It was just a spoon! Spoons are used to eat food! It doesn't matter what food, they're just used for food!" Race exclaims, waving his arms around dramatically.

"Race, to them it makes you look poor and uneducated. That's probably the most important thing to those women." Y/N sighs. They're not embarrassed by Race, they never could be, but they know Race is embarrassed of himself by how flustered he is and how he occasionally chews aggressively on his bottom lip.

"Y'know what, screw it. Follow me!" Race suddenly grabs Y/N's hand and starts running. He ignores yelling from boat officers telling them to stop running, making Y/N supress a laugh. He's quick the throw open a deck door and start descending the tight stairwell.

"Race, where on earth are we going?" Race suddenly stops at one of the platforms of the stairwell, making Y/N nearly crash into his back.

"You wanna go to a real party?"

***

"This is madness!" Y/N is yelling over cheers and music, but they're smiling ear to ear. They stand near a pillar in the small room, watching people make music from makeshift instruments while others dance around. It's nothing like the posh ballroom dancing they've come to know. It actually looks fun.

"Come on! Join the madness then!" Race suddenly grabs Y/N's hands and pulls them into the small group. Y/N is suddenly blushing and bowing their head from suddenly being a figment of attention to the small crowd.

"Race, I don't know the steps!" Y/N yells, trying to give Race a look that will make him take Y/N back to their pillar.

"Neither do I!" Race is grinning as he suddenly tanks Y/N until they're hoping in a circle together to the Irish Jig. Y/N starts laughing as they spin, hands clasped as they nearly trip over each other.

"This is so much more fun than that dinner party." Y/N throws their head back as they continue to spin in a dizzying circle with Race.

"Welcome to third class, baby!" Race whoops, making others around him cheer. Hardly anyone is actually dancing. It's more like a pit of jumping and spinning, but it's actually fun.

It's the most fun Y/N's had in their entire life.

And it's with Race.

***

Sorry if there were any spelling or grammar errors. I hope you liked it, I know it's short and kind of vague and definitely not the best, but I made a promise to finish it before Friday and, by golly, I did. For once I actually did something on time😂

[gingertoastforever]

RANT:

So for some background, I have OCD. I've struggled with it since I was a little kid, but I didn't get diagnosed until I was fifteen. My little brother (who's thirteen) is rather uneducated when it comes to mental illness, and unlike my parents and sister, he refuses to learn from me, someone who actually HAS a mental illness. One of my major compulsions is that I have to flick a light switch on and off twenty-two times before I leave a room, or else I will indirectly cause whoever I was thinking of as I left the room to die. If I don't follow through with my compulsion, I will literally be incapable of thinking about or doing anything else, because all I can focus on is how I didn't flick that light switch on and off and how now that person is going to die. It sucks. Anyway, my brother caught me flicking the light switch on and off as I left my bedroom, and questioned me on it. I explained to him to the best of my ability about how it's a part of my OCD, what goes on in my head, and why I have to carry out what my brain tells me to do. Instead of going "Oh, okay. I was just wondering", he proceeded to tell me how ANNOYING to him it was, and flicked the hall light switch on and off in front of me as a joke. This was AFTER I explained to him how insensitive it was to make a joke about a mental disorder, something I have no control over and makes me dread tasks as easy as turning off a light or climbing up stairs. This isn't the first time he has made fun of my OCD, nor is it the only compulsion he has mocked or called "annoying". Oh, so you find me touching a wall a certain number of times as a means of comfort to block out my intrusive thoughts annoying? An eyesore? Inconvenient to you, who just happened to be in the same place at the same time? It's inconvenient to ME having to deal with unwanted graphic images pop into my head while getting dressed, then having to take all my clothes off and start again. And I'm not even at my worst. This is what "manageable" is like for me, because it became my normal after over eight years of having this disorder. Compared to the hell it made my life in middle school, flicking a light switch on and off twenty-two times is a breath of fresh air. I cannot stress this enough. We need to focus more on educating young people on mental illness. I didn't even know what OCD was until I was twelve or thirteen. You know how relieved I felt when I found that there was a word for what I was going through? How relieved I felt when I finally got diagnosed? I was so uneducated that I thought it was something unique to only me. I was so overwhelmed because I thought that every little action I did could potentially hurt someone, and was terrified of the intrusive thoughts that no child should have to deal with. I remember sitting on the toilet as an eight year old girl, forcing myself to pee for the fourth time in a row in the middle of the night, thinking, It will go away next year, it's just a phase and There has to be at least ONE other person out there that's like me and Why me?

I don't think my brother will change. He does it because he knows it pisses me off and doesn't care if what he's doing is insensitive. But I'm sure many children out there don't mean to be this way. Not only will educating the youth about mental illness young people with mental disorders learn about themselves and get the help they need, but others will become more aware of what others are going through. After my younger sister took a health and psychology class, she learned so much more about what I went through, and even became more aware of her own mental health.

Just please, think about what you do or say to others. Mental illness is NOT a joke.

[askdragonagecompanions]

Could you do a companions reacting to someone insulting an elvish inquisitor because of their race, and striking them? Companions and romances???

Dorian: Dorian had grown up seeing the injustices done to elves. They were enslaved and treated like nothing more. Free elves seemed to be treated even worse and preyed upon in every instance. It sickened him. He wanted to be better than his countrymen. When he joined the inquisition he was a tad surprised to see that the Inquisitor was an elf as well. As soon as their business in Redcliff was over he made sure to let the Inquisitor know that despite where he came from he wanted to do better than his countrymen and apologized in advance for anything that would come off as an insult. He wanted the Inquisitor to correct him. He thought that the south would be better about not being racist, but he realized how naive a thought that was. The ones insulting the Inquisitor must be idiots to not realize how powerful the Inquisitor is. He starts to move closer to be there if the Inquisitor needs him but he’s not fast enough. He sees the humans strike the Inquisitor and feels a deep anger in him. He helps his friend up before tearing these idiots apart with his words and scaring them with his necromantic spells. He laughs as they call him an elf loving freak saying that it’s a compliment. As soon as they’re gone his attention is on the Inquisitor again, making sure they’re okay and offering them the best bottle of tevinter wine he can find back at Skyhold and someone to talk to. He doesn’t really know what else he can do but he wants to help. +romanced: He can see the trouble brewing in this small town. The humans keep looking at his Amatus like he’s a freak, like his countrymen would if they saw an elf walking about. It makes him bristle. The Inquisitor assured him he would be fine. Dorian trusted him and began to look at some of the wares being sold which was a mistake. He heard his love gasp in pain as he was struck. Dorian caught the tale end of the insults and rushed over, gripping his staff tight as fire began to burn in his hands. “Striking the Inquisitor? My you Southerner’s are much dumber than I thought, see now I fear I’m going to have to ensure you never do it again.” They hurt his love. They’re disgusting little men who just make his stomach boil with anger. He doesn’t care about being called an elf lover. The homophobic insults they start to sputter only make the flames burn hotter. They start running away, their pants on fire and Dorian wants to give chase. If his love stops him he won’t. He’ll take the Inquisitor home and hold him close and assure him that he’s amazing and the most wonderful elf in all the worlds. Dorian wants to be sure his Amatus knows that he’s loved and that the bruise on his face isn’t too bad. If his love doesn’t stop him he encourages the Inquisitor to hunt them down with him. It’ll be fun. Afterwards he does the same if they had not given chase. 

Solas: While Solas was wary of another elf being the Inquisitor they have started to grow on him. They still hold their Dalish beliefs and worship those… He won’t get into it. What surprises him is their feelings on spirits and the fade. In time he found himself actually enjoying their company. He knows he shouldn’t get close to them, that it’ll only end poorly for them both, but it’s hard to keep himself isolated when they keep coming to talk with him. He enjoys their chats more and more. There’s one annoying constant that didn’t seem to change since the time of the ancient elves. Humans will still be racist no matter what, even if the elf in question was probably powerful enough to cut them down with one blow. He stays back at first, not knowing if the Inquisitor wants him to step in. The remarks he’s used to of course, barely even registering that he too was insulted. Then things turned violent and he acted swiftly, freezing the humans in their place. “I would suggest you move along before you do something that will get you killed human.” His words are calm but the icy tone to his voice is was truly scares the humans. When he lets the spell go they take off running. He makes sure the Inquisitor is alright and heals up any bruise caused by those idiots. +romanced: Solas curses himself for not staying closer or stepping in sooner. How can humans be so idiotic to threaten the Inquisitor especially with him right there. As his love gets struck he again freezes the humans in place, this time it’s their entire body. “How idiotic does one have to be to think it’s fine to strike someone down just for the shape of their ears?” He turns to his love, “What would you have me do with them?” He lets the Inquisitor decide the mens fate. Either way he takes the Inquisitor home to tend to their wounds and make sure those words did not harm them. They are just insults and his love his amazing. He won’t let anyone tell them otherwise.  

Vivienne: They’re traveling through one of the cities when a group of humans approach them. Her eyes narrow and it becomes clear soon enough their intent. Oh of course there’s going to be racists in this town as well. She doesn’t know how the Inquisitor deals with the insults, but Vivienne is proud that they can keep a straight face. They don’t need these humans spreading rumors that the Inquisitor is just a “Dalish Savage” that attacked them “unprovoked”. It would be total slander, but anyone would believe it to tarnish the Inquisitor. Then things take a turn for the worst. They strike the Inquisitor and she can see the Inquisitor getting mad. She steps in front of them and give them a small smile. With barely a flick of her wrist the men are frozen in place, “Oh how dreadful. A group of uneducated fools taking out their stupidity on one of the most influential people of the inquisition. I doubt that will go over well.” She tuts. “Now Inquisitor, what should we do with them?” She gives the choice to the Inquisitor once again and will do whatever they want her too. When the situation is concluded she pulls the Inquisitor aside to make sure they’re alright. It’s important to keep up appearances yes, but one also needed to take care of themself. Back at Skyhold she gets them some nice tea and make sure they take a moment for themself. 

Varric: It’s like a bad start to every fight that gets played up for drama in novels. A group of low lifes approaching the hero of the story. They start hurling insults and he gets Bianca ready for a fight. He thought that maybe they’d have some sense and try to not really make this a fight, but that was apparently hoping for two much because the next thing he knows the Inquisitor just took a punch to the face and is spitting out blood. Varric narrow’s his eyes and lowers his crossbow. “You’ve got three seconds before I start shooting.” And he starts the countdown, aiming for the the one who punched his friend. He gives them about two seconds before he lets his first arrow go. It hits his mark and he smirks, satisfied. Now the guy’ll have an arrow in his ass for a while. “You doin okay? Don’t let em get to ya. They’ve got approximately two thirds of a brain between the lot of em.” Maker if Fenris were here those idiots would be lucky to have one walk away. 

Cole: He feels the unrest the men are causing the Inquisitor and he doesn’t like it. Their souls are full of hatred and anger. Why must they take it out on the Inquisitor. They haven’t done anything wrong and these men keep getting more and more violent. Suddenly it all explodes and the Inquisitor’s pain flares along with anger. He steps in between the men and the Inquisitor, “Your hearts are full of hatred and anger. You know nothing of the plights of the elven. You don’t care to know. You are scared and you take it out on innocent people just because you can. You will leave. The next time you do anything like this you will not be so lucky as to keep your lives do you understand?” These men most likely won’t change, but with enough fear they might stop harassing innocent people. 

Sera: Oh she’s friggin pissed. Yeah she’s dealt with it on her own. There’s shitty people everywhere but now they’re coming after her friend? Sure the Inquisitor can be a little elfy but they don’t deserve to be fucking called racist shit. She’s already getting an arrow ready and then those shites fucking deck the Inquisitor and it’s on. Streams of curse words escape her as she lets off arrow after arrow at the idiots. They’re running away, well those who can. “I can’t believe… UGH how can they be that fucking stupid! Maker look you want to go after them? I’ve got plenty of arrows.”+romanced: She’s more than pissed. Her Inky is the most amazing elf in the whole friggin world and these shit heads think they can yell at her? She throws down a jar of bees that she’s been working on all week and quickly pulls her Inky away from the fray, protecting and shielding her as Sera shoots arrows at the assholes. She aims for their asses and smirks as she gets nearly all of them. Then it’s time to make sure her inky is alright. When they get back to Skyhold there’s lots of cuddling involved and the Inquisitor assuring Sera that she’s alright. 

Blackwall: Sadly this sort of thing was all too common. Humans thought of themselves as more common or the “right ones” the “default”. Blackwall knew he was guilty of it too sometimes. Hell he’d just assumed the Inquisitor would be human as well before realizing how wrong he was to do so. He should have stepped in sooner and glares at the men in front of him, holding his sword threateningly. “I would suggest you leave before making things worse than you already have. I don’t think the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, takes too kindly to being walloped in the face by a couple of idiots who don’t know how to keep their mouths shut.” Blackwall doesn’t want to make the situation worse, but he doesn’t want these idiots to get another hit in either. +romanced: He’s pissed. He has grown to love the Inquisitor and they are the most amazing person in Thedas, the most amazing elf. They can look past his past and still find it in their hearts to forgive him, to love him and these idiots think they can just spew their shit? He punches the one who hit his love and glares down at him. “I. Suggest you Move on before I decide that you need more than a fist to teach you a lesson in manners.” He growls out. He’ll fight if he has to, but once the idiots are gone he turns to his love to make sure they’re alright. He offers to get them both drinks once they’re back at Skyhold. 

Iron Bull: All Bull has to do is walk close to the idiots and they get nervous. He holds his battle ax in hand and starts to run a finger over the blade. It’s still covered in blood as he hasn’t had a chance to clean it yet. Besides Vivienne’s not here to see it so it’s a great intimidation tactic. “I must have misheard and my eye must have seen things, or did a group of idiotic humans just insult and then assault the Inquisitor. I mean it would have to be the world’s dumbest group of men to do that in front of me.” They try to say the didn’t mean anything by it and he laughs, “Oh right, because punching someone in the face because of their ears is nothing. You have three seconds to run before I start swinging this thing. And the next time you even look at an elf wrong? I’ll find you.” He growls out. Once they’re gone he makes sure the Inquisitor is okay. If they need a moment he makes sure no one around gives them shit for it. Sometimes that shit cuts deep no matter how much you guard yourself. +romanced: Oh he’s mad. Like really mad. His Kadan doesn’t deserve this. “You know maybe you should pick on someone your own size. Why don’t you try that shit on me?” And he gives the men a dangerous smirk. He has his axe in hand and they decide it might be best to run off. Bull then turns to his Kadan and frowns, checking them for any injuries before giving them a hug. “They’re assholes Kadan. None of that shit means anything okay?” He promises. Bull keeps an eye on them and makes sure they’re not trying to keep it all inside. Back at Skyhold he lets them talk it out with him and when they’re ready they have a great night. If they don’t want it he holds them close through the night and makes sure no one wakes his Kadan up until they’re ready. The Inquisitor already works hard enough. This incident was infuriating and added stress onto an already overworked elf. 

Cassandra: “Oh for the love of-” She doesn’t understand how these people don’t recognize the fucking Herald of Andraste. It keeps happening too. People mistaking the Inquisitor for an elven servant and it’s been wearing her down more and more. She punches the one who hurt the Inquisitor and kicks him away. “I would maybe think the next time you want to open your mouth. You Disgust me. This is the Inquisitor. They are working their ass off to save the lives of everyone in Thedas and that includes yours, so don’t even think about trying that again. Leave or I will draw my blade.” She waits until they’ve left before making sure the Inquisitor isn’t injured too bad. “The next person to even start saying something like that is getting my fist.” She grumbles. +romanced: For a second she thinks she’s seeing things. Then again they haven’t really had the best of luck with idiots like this. Her eyes narrow. She knows her love can handle themself but it pisses her off so much. When the Inquisitor gets struck she rushes forward and returns the blow, glowering down at the men. “Leave. Now.” She says. They don’t move so she draws her sword and the see the Seeker symbol on her armor. It’s enough to send them packing and she turns to her love, quickly inspecting their face and giving them a small kiss. She glares when she hears Varric snickering and turns away, waiting till they’re back in the privacy of Skyhold to make sure her love is truly okay. She grumbles about racist idiots for a while until the Inquisitor convinces her to read the next chapter of Sword and Shields to them. 

Bonus:

Romanced Cullen: He enjoys his trips with his love. It’s nice to be out of Skyhold. Maker knows they both need it too. He stays in his office a bit to much and the Inquisitor is always so busy on their missions. He frowns, brows furrowing as they’re approached by a small group. Cullen puts his hand on his sword, ready for a fight. The Inquisitor is a strong elf and can take care of themself, but he isn’t going to just stay back and let them take on a hole group by themself. The insults they hurl make his lip curl into a smile and anger boil in his stomach. Before he can do anything one of them strikes out and hits his love. He draws his sword and pushes the man away from the Inquisitor. “How dare you! You know nothing about them, what they’ve gone through, what they do just to keep the world from getting taken by the breach!” He’s speaking out of anger. He can’t believe that people would do this to his love, an elf so gentle, willing to help anyone, someone who was helping him work past his lyrium addiction, someone helping him to break past what the templar training had ingrained in his mind. They helped him be better and to see idiots just tear them down… “Leave.” He growls out. When the men are gone Cullen sighs and just carefully inspects his love. “Well this… this did not go as well as I thought it would.” He murmurs. “Lets get back to Skyhold.” Once they are back they cuddle and Cullen will listen if they want to talk. 

Romanced Josephine: Sadly Josie is not surprised that it comes to this. It’s quite common that even an Elf in a powerful position will still be treated poorly by most. They were enjoying a beautiful day when the group approached. Josephine’s not really the best in a fight and she can’t help the feeling of guilt in her stomach when her love gets punched. The Inquisitor is strong though and can handle themself. They leave the area, ignoring the insults still getting hurled at them. Back at Skyhold Josie takes care of her love’s wounds and curls up with them for the night. If they want to get it off their chest she listens, but as soon as they’re asleep Josephine works tirelessly to find out who those men were so that she can destroy their social standings.

[lexosaurus]

Xmas Truce 2017

This one’s for @phantomfighter724. Happy holidays!

Danny hunched over the toilet, his body cleansing itself of everything it didn't like. His breakfast, bile—it all pooled in the murky water below.

He leaned his head down against the porcelain seat. He gave a halfhearted attempt at shifting his arms to support his sweaty face before giving up. His entire body felt like lead. His brain was clouded. He was a mess.

His stomach growled and he let out a whine of frustration. "What the hell," he muttered under his breath. What the hell was happening to him?

Out of the corner of his eye his phone lit up, and for a second he wondered why it was thrown haphazardly against the corner of the wall before he recalled tossing it out of his hand in his blind panic to reach the toilet on time. He winced, and braced himself for the worst. Fortunately, after a brief inspection, he found no additional cracks in his screen other than the small one in the corner he got from one of Skulker's brilliantly-failed attempts at kidnapping him.

A new message from Valerie popped up on the screen, and despite his situation he could help but grin a little. Befriending Valerie after she discovered his secret—connecting Dani's halfa status to his a little too easily—was a long, strenuous process. At first, it even seemed impossible, if their blatant disregard for the other's existence in school was anything to go by. But pent-up teenage emotion coupled with the constant necessity of teamwork during field-work eventually lead to an explosive argument. Valerie's hurt, Danny's insecurities, both of their mistrust in each other, everything came to light. It was violent, even if no blood was shed, and they walked away having said too many things they couldn't take back. Danny thought they were through.

They were, for a time. The silence didn't let up, but something shifted. Instead of angry silence, the air around them was uncomfortable. It was awkward, weird. Danny had never felt so unsure of how to act since his first day walking into Casper High two years ago. He was fourteen, and he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do.

It was Valerie who broke the silence first, sending him a text reading, “I can’t do this anymore. Let’s meet up for coffee after my shift ends today.”

That conversation was different. They actually listened rather than spewing out the first thing they could think of through their red-tinted eyesight. And while the duo spoke with blunt honesty, they were delicate with their words. Respectful of the situation.

At some point after that, Valerie joined him on his nightly patrols. Danny wasn't sure why, but he chose not to question it. At first they wouldn't talk other than the obligatory, "Ghost of there," or "Watch out," but it was a step. A tiny step, but a step nonetheless.

After about a week of this, however, Danny thought he was going to lose his mind over the stupid tension. So he choked out the first thing he could think of, "So...the weather."

It was by far the worst conversation starter in the book, and he could have sworn he saw Valerie nearly lose her balance on her hoverboard. His own face burned green, and he ducked down a few feet under her in a brilliant attempt to hide his embarrassment. Valerie definitely noticed, but for some reason she chose to go along with it.

So they talked. Their first conversation was nothing but superficial, the kind of small-talk one would have when dragged along to a dinner-party with their parents, but it marked the beginning of a budding friendship between the duo. Eventually, those nightly patrols turned into after-school homework sessions and then just Friday night hangouts. While all of their problems didn't disappear overnight, they worked through them. As friends. And then, eventually...

Received: 11:24am

Val: Hey, how you feeling?<3

Danny shook his head, as if attempting to clear the fog, and typed back a response. 

Danny: not sure...i think it's getting worse

Val: Want me to come over?

Danny: don't bother i can handle it

Val: Ok I'm coming over.

Danny: seriously it's prob nothing bad

Val: Do you like tomato soup or chicken noodle better?

Danny: val it's a ghost thing u don't have to worry it'll probably pass soon

Val: Ok I'm bring both I'll be there in 10

Danny: ...ok

As stubborn as Danny could be, Valerie was worse. Danny wasn’t even sure why he still resisted her kindness, even if they were dating. Maybe it was his pride? Maybe he didn’t want to get her sick? Maybe he was still insecure about himself and felt less-than and unworthy of any amount of affection? Who knew, really.

Another pang of hunger swept through his body and he sighed, leaning against the wall for support. He closed his eyes and let the dizziness sweep over him. It was probably just a ghost flu, right? It had to pass soon, didn't it?

Ever since a particularly bad fight against Vortex, he's felt off. At first, he was just a little lightheaded. Ok, no big deal, he just had to drink water. Powerade. And for a time, that worked okay. Not great, but it put a band-aid over the issue for a bit.

That was, until the hunger-pains started. He woke up one day hungry. His body clenched up as if he hadn't eaten in days, despite having a large dinner the night before. He wolfed down his morning cereal, ignoring his mom's comments about his appetite, and took off for school. Instead of feeling ready to start the school day, he felt awful. His stomach still was cramped, and waves of nausea washed over him. A few days into this cycle later, his body finally gave up and he found himself hunched over a toilet halfway through first period.

Sam all but dragged him to the nurses office that day, forcing him to get a note to go home. He slept for the rest of that day—or tried his best—but whatever was wrong with him, it didn't pass. The next day he woke up, his hunger even stronger than the day before. He tried to force himself to eat something, but he couldn't. Even though his body screamed at him for anything goddamnit, his morning cereal looked...unappetizing. Gross. 

Of course, Danny hadn't gotten so much as a cold since gaining his ghostly half. Sam had a theory that the ectoplasm coursing through his blood burned off any unwanted bacteria or viruses in his body. That theory, as uneducated of a guess as it was, was more likely true than not. It would also explain the lack of infections Danny's gotten, even though his blood has been exposed to the air too many times to be healthy for a normal human.

Ah well, just another thing to add to the never ending list of everything that separated him from other humans.

That didn't mean he hasn't gotten sick, though. As rare as they were, ghostly viruses did exist in the Ghost Zone. Danny managed to contract the ghostly flu last year, which made his powers glitch as bad as the first month after the portal accident. Tucker being Tucker found it absolutely hysterical, and made sure to stock up on as much blackmail material as he could over the duration of his illness. Although that wasn't Danny's first time being an internet meme, the gif of him inexplicably falling from the sky and crashing into a tree was possibly his most embarrassing publicly documented moment to date.

A knock on the door broke Danny out of his thoughts.

“Come in,” he said weakly.

"Hey Danny," Val pushed her way in the door, a plastic shopping bag hanging off of one of her arms.

Danny struggled up in a feeble attempt to sit a bit straighter. He was vaguely aware of the distinct odor coming from the toilet beside him. He was lucky Valerie has seen him in worse conditions before.

She sat down next to him. "How you feeling?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, all false bravado flying out the window.

She quietly surveyed the scene before her. Danny's pale, sickly face beaded with sweat. Purple circles laid under his sunken-in eyes. He clutched the hem of his shirt and averted his gaze to the side.

She pursed her lips, "Danny, you look like shit."

Danny snorted. "I feel like shit."

"I can see why Jazz forced you to stay home from patrol this week."

At the mention of patrol, Danny’s eyes lit up. “How are the ghosts this week? Have you been okay on your own? Has the Box Ghost been bothering you too much? Do you need any help tonight?”

A light smile touched Valerie’s lips. Even though it was an unspoken rule not to mention Danny’s obsession outright, she still found other ways to poke fun at him for it. “Danny, you can barely stand. Chill.”

A blush crept on Danny’s cheeks, and he rolled his eyes as another wave of nausea hit him at once. Before Valerie could so much as blink, Danny had lunged at the toilet bowl, dry heaving up any molecules still left in his stomach.

A pang of worry shot through Valerie. She frowned and reached over to gently rub his back, “This is getting worse.”

“I...know...” Danny ground out between coughs.

“I know you don’t want to...but I think we should call Vlad.”

He froze.

“He might know what’s going on,” Valerie said.

“Val, no. We can’t trust him,” Danny said, his voice cold.

Valerie crossed her arms and huffed. "Come on, don’t be thick. You’re a halfa, Vlad’s a halfa. Whatever you think about him—fine. But this has been going on for over a month now and it’s only getting worse. You need help, Fenton. You need someone’s help who actually understands halfa biology. Vlad’s the man for that, whether you like it or not.”

Danny slumped his shoulders. “Okay, you have a point.”

“Thank you,” Valerie said under her breath as she took out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts till she got to Vlad’s name, and hesitated. She hadn’t contacted him in months. After the whole debacle with Dani, she kept her contact with him at a minimum. When Vlad realized she knew Danny’s secret and by default, his, he stopped contacting her altogether. Interestingly enough, packages of replacement/upgraded weapons occasionally appear at her doorstep. She knew Danny noticed when broken equipment was suddenly replaced or she got a new gun, but he was kind enough to leave it alone.

Another retch from her boyfriend beside her was all she needed to finally push down on the button. She put the phone on speaker. After only two rings, the voice of an older man appeared on the other end of the line.

“Valerie, dear. To what do I owe the pleasure? Is your equipment working fine?”

Danny tensed at Vlad’s silky tone. He opened his mouth to respond with a biting comment, but his stomach had another idea.

Worry creased Vlad’s next words. “Valerie? What’s happening? Is everything alright?”

“Fine—I’m fine, Mr. Masters,” Valerie said, her eyes not leaving Danny’s figure. “Uh, it’s Danny.”

“Daniel? What’s wrong with him?”

“We’re, um, not sure. He can’t stop throwing up. He doesn’t...Halfas can’t get human illnesses, right?”

“Right...” Vlad muttered. “Valerie, I’m presuming I’m on speaker phone?”

“Yeah,” Valerie said.

“Alright then. Daniel?” Vlad called out.

“What.” Danny said flatly.

“Can you describe your symptoms to me please?” Vlad asked.

Danny closed his eyes and said, “Uh, I can’t...I can’t hold anything down. Every time I try to eat something it comes back up. I’m really dizzy and...I guess...I mean, I’ve had these stomach pains for a few weeks now. And headaches too. I’m sure it’s nothing but Valerie—”

“This has been going on for a month and it’s not getting any better, Vlad. We’re not sure what to do.”

“I’m glad you called me,” Vlad said, his tone much more serious than a minute ago. 

“What is it?” Danny asked at the same time Valerie demanded, “Is everything going to be okay?”

There was a pause. 

“Valerie, do you mind stepping out of the room for a second?” 

Danny, despite his weak state, managed to push himself away from the toilet and grab the phone out of Valerie’s hands with inhuman speed. “What is it, fruitloop? Just spit it out.”

“Daniel, I know this may come as a shock to you but I do care about you,” Vlad said. “You know, this may not be a good conversation to have over the phone. Give me a minute. Daniel, I presume you’re in the bathroom upstairs?”

“...Yes.”

“Perfect.”

The phone line went dead and Danny slumped against the wall. He glanced over to the toilet and wrinkled his nose at the smell of his own stomach acid. With an abnormal amount of effort, he managed to flush the toilet.

“Sorry,” he glanced over to Valerie. “Sorry to drag you into this mess.”

“Danny, stop,” Valerie clipped, kissing his forehead lightly. “You’re my boyfriend and you’re ill. I’m not going to leave you to deal with this by yourself. I know you won’t let Sam or Tucker over but I’m not a pushover, okay?”

Danny rolled his eyes to counter the blush that tinted his cheeks. “Yeah, okay. I still...I know this ghost stuff can make you uncomfortable and I don’t want to ever put you in a position where you—”

“Oh my god, Fenton,” Valerie groaned. “Keep that up and this stupid bug isn’t going to be the only thing that’s gonna kill you.”

The room temperature dropped a few degrees. Danny and Valerie’s heads whipped over to the door where Vlad Masters walked through, dropping his invisibility.

"Mr. Masters!”

“Vlad.”

“Is everything alright with Danny?”

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Vlad said.

Valerie would have breathed a sigh of relief if not for the grave look on his face as he surveyed the scene. “My my, you’ve let this get worse than I thought. I’m not sure if I have enough here for you...”

“Enough of what?” Danny asked.

Vlad sighed. “Daniel, are you sure you don’t want Valerie to leave?”

Danny glared up at him. “We’re a team, Vlad.”

"I can handle whatever you throw at us,” Valerie confirmed, letting her chest swell out in pride at Danny’s affirmation. Regardless of any of her past prejudices, she loved Danny. She didn’t care whatever ghostly-illness he had, she was going to get through this with him.

“Okay, it’s...not for the faint of heart though, Little Badger,” Vlad said, closing his eyes.

Something in Danny clicked, and he felt his eyes soften. Whatever this was...it was really bothering Vlad. “It’s okay, Vlad,” he said softly. “I can handle this.”

“Alright then,” Vlad nodded. “Daniel, you know you have a ghost core. It’s responsible for regulating and replenishing ectoplasm in your body.”

“I know this,” Danny said, looking quizzically up at Vlad. “I have an ice core.”

“Right,” Vlad said. “In normal ghosts, this is enough and they can live an eternity with their cores working fine. This isn’t quite the case with halfas though.”

“What do you mean?”

“As you know, Daniel, you’re more powerful than most ghosts. But you’re not a full-ghost. Scientifically speaking, we’re anomalies. Scientific paradoxes. We shouldn’t exist, and our cores know this.”

Alarms blared through Valerie’s brain. “You mean his core is trying to kill him?”

“Not quite,” Vlad said steadily. “But his core cannot keep up with his body’s demands. Halfa cores have to regulate not just ectoplasm, but how the ectoplasm interacts with the living aspects of the human in such a way that it won’t kill you. On top of that, you frequently expelling ectoplasm in forms like powerful ghost-rays puts more pressure on your already overworked core. Your core simply doesn’t have enough energy to do what you demand of it.”

“Hence the hunger,” Danny said, his blue eyes looking down.

“Exactly.”

Valerie ran a hand through her hair. “What’s the solution?”

Vlad reached into his pockets and pulled out a few vials filled with a familiar looking green substance. “Listen to your body, Little Badger. Your body is craving ectoplasm. You need to drink it.”

Realization hit Danny like a ton of bricks. “But isn’t that...that’s...”

“Low-level ecto-puses I took from Skulker’s care last week,” Vlad confirmed. “Purified ecto-plasm. You start developing a need for this once your halfa body solidifies its core. Think of it like a ghostly-puberty, if you will.”

“No...”

“Danny,” Valerie reached out and took Danny’s hand gently. “You’re starving yourself.”

“No, Val, you don’t understand—”

“I do,” Valerie looked at him, her gaze strong. “You said earlier that you didn’t want me to be uncomfortable around the ghostly-aspects of your life. Well, I’m not. There’s no other option, Danny. You’re going to die if you don’t drink the vials. You need to do this.”

Danny shook his head. “I—I can’t.”

Valerie wrapped her hands around Danny’s shoulders and leaned in, kissing him. It was gentle, reassuring, and comforting. Danny relished her touch.

“You can do this,” Valerie said, breaking it off. “You’re strong, Danny. You can do this.”

“Okay,” Danny took the vials. 

“Little Badger,” Vlad said, meeting Danny’s eyes. “I’ve been doing this for a while now, you know. I...I can give you the vials if you want. Your moral compass is, well it’s different than mine. I know this is hard for you. It will get easier but, if you would like, you can just let me know when you need vials and I’ll give them to you.”

Danny breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Vlad. It means a lot.”

Vlad nodded, a rare kind smile dotting his lips. 

Danny’s glanced one more time at his girlfriend before slowly opening the first vial. The metallic smell of ectoplasm tickled his nose and he found himself raising the vial to his lips.

[theclacks]

Angel Thoughts - (S4 E15-E18)

I can pretty much sum up my thoughts on these episodes by saying that Connor is officially, unequivocally, 100% objectively...

Okay. Okay. In all seriousness, these were probably the best crop of episodes in season 4 so far (thanks in no help to either Connor or Angel). So let’s dig in shall we?

BtVS & AtS Recap Master Post located here

Episode 15 (Orpheus)

My favorite episode of the bunch. Probably because of combined Faith and Willow power. Both of them just showin’ up to the club like “wham bam, thank you, ma’am.”

At first I thought the Orpheus stuff was going to yet more straight forward Angel flashbacks and I was like “come on, really? I am all good on the Angel flashbacks.” But then both Angelus and Faith were there to watch and it was kind of awesome.

Well, half of it was awesome. Half of it was groan-worthy.

The Awesome:

I love my Spike & Angel comparisons. I love how 100% set Angel is in his ways that his experience is the Universal Vampire Experience (TM). I love how he dissociates from his demon self enough that--not only do they have two different personalities--but Angel goes as far as to block certain memories as well. It’s fascinating. And it’s like, on the surface, it seems like he’s the “noble” one for doing this, that he’s so disgusted at his demon and the thought of being evil by association, that he’s keeping himself “above” it, but he’s really doing the opposite?

Like, to hearken back to Lies My Parents Told Me (and now I’m kinda wishing I’d done these two episode metas in the same post), if the First was in LA, Angel would have soooooo many triggers, like holy shit his team would be screwed. And Angel would never, ever face them... or at least, would never face them in a way where he assumed responsibility and accepted his actions as things that’d happened and are in the past and are therefore unchangeable, so stop letting them rule you and do you best with the things that are currently in the present.

And, it’s like, until he does that, Angel won’t ever “grow”, he’ll just get more and more self-mired in his own angst while Angelus continues to destabilize into more and more of a ticking time bomb in his sub-conscious.

Just... holy mental issues, Batman. No wonder his moments of perfect happiness only happen during sex; he’s too fractured and fucked up for them to occur any other way.

The Groan-Worthy:

So yeah. That diner scene. I didn’t get it.

Oh no, Angel fed on a human that was already dead? The horror? Was I really supposed to be as shocked and disgusted as Faith was? Like I get the need to add new scenes, but really? This was BY FAR one of the least questionable things Angel has done with a soul.

Like... why didn’t they show him palling around with Darla, Spike, & Dru again? Darla mentioned in 1900 he’d been killing murderers and thieves to put on a show of still being evil. Killing murderers is questionable, but thieves? Steal a loaf of bread, get chomped by a vampire? They could’ve done something with that.

Or, you know, they could’ve also just flashed back to this scene:

How many people died in that bout of violence? 20-30?

But no. We get “ohhhhhh noo, Angel fed on a dead guy!!!!!!11!1” and are expected to care. Like puhlease. Give me a break.

MEANWHILE BACK IN THE HYPERION

Willow coming to the rescue was great. The best thing about crossover characters/cameos is the chatter.

So yeah. Wesley & Willow’s scene was amazing. I loved how Wesley was like “you couldn’t possibly understand my pain” and Willow was all, “ummm... yeah, about that... I flayed a guy last spring.” And I think that more that anything hit home how you don’t need to be the dark & edgy, more adult version of a show to have serious shit going down.

Also I’m glad that the Willow/Fred UST was called out because through-out the whole episode I was like, “daaaamn Alyson.... you are standing in the same room as your husband and are having 9000 times the chemistry with Amy Acker than him rn.”

But all’s well that ends well and Angel’s soul is popped back in, just in time for Cordelia to come down the steps wearing an ensemble that just SCREAMS, “I AM EVIL”. Surely our heroes will notice?!?

Episode 16 (Players)

Spoilers, our heroes don’t notice.

I’ve really been snoring to death on the evil Cordy thing (mostly because I hate Connor and all of Cordy’s lines have been reduced to “but Connor! think about the baby! think about us!”), so I’m gonna focus on the Gunn & Gwen subplot. Or main plot? IDK, I liked it a whole lot better than the baby drama.

Gunn is fascinating. He’s like the Xander of the LA team, but if Xander had maintained his soldier experience/role? Although I hated the fact that the Gunn/Fred relationship drama was happening in the midst of all the other drama, I’m actually kind of glad it happened because it did/does expose key issues in both their self-perception of each other + themselves.

In Gunn’s case, namely that he’s not smart. Or rather, he’s not book smart, because Gunn is hella smart. He can think on his feet, he can improvise, he can strategize... but all that pales and his confidence wanes when put beside the others.

Because when’s the last time he had to play a part and be all sneaky? When’s the last time he gotta to devise a battle plan (Angel & Wesley are the ones always taking charge)?

This episode really took the kernel that was planted back in Supersymmetry re: Gunn accompanying Fred and trying to care about what she cares about even though he understands 0% of it vs Wesley openly being able to discuss her arguments and positions...

It’s like, no, a relationship doesn’t require both partners to understand the other’s job, but when Fred has dedicated her entire LIFE to understanding physic principles, it DOES create a gap. It’s this untouchable, unknowable part of her brain that will always be unknowable as long as Gunn remains uneducated. Which he will.

And that’s not an insult because, hell, even I’d be uneducated compared to Fred & Wesley, but it’s like...

To pull an example from my own life, I recently went on a first date that went really, really well. At one point the topic switched into movies and we literally spent the next TWO HOURS talking about movies. Talking about narrative, talking about cinematography, talking about editing, talking about film as a medium as a whole and how the best film stories are the ones that can only be told through film and it was AMAZING. And yeah, I just think of that vs other dates where I’ve asked the other person what kind of movies they liked and they’ve just said “eh, superhero movies are good i guess” or “i haven’t had much time recently for movies,” and it’s like, sure, not being passionate about movies isn’t a dealkiller, but film/tv love takes up such a HUGE part of my brain that NOT clicking with it is always going to leave a significant deadspace re: things that are frequently on my mind vs things I know I can converse about.

Yeah.

TL;DR, both Fred & Gunn deserve people that they can not only be cute and loving with, but also passionate. Like mentally passionate.

Episode 17 (Inside Out)

I hated this episode. I mean, yes. Woo Lorne, acting the bait but otherwise??

Ouch.

Like... Angel knew Cordelia was evil by the way she said “my sweet”? Really? That was your master clue-by-four? You know it’s lame when you have to do a flashback all Mr. Monk style and LITERALLY EXPLAIN IT TO THE AUDIENCE. 

IDK, part of me’s just remembering BtVS S3 Enemies and how damn good THAT reveal was.

But yeah. Oh no, Connor and Cordelia run off. Oh no, Angel angst.

And then Connor just continues to be THE WORST. Like kidnap a girl and ignore the voice of his dead mom and then murder the crying girl THE WORST.

Like JESUS CHRIST. Your dad and... pseudo-nephew? Is Spike Connor’s psuedo-nephew? That’s messed up. Anyway, Your dad and pseudo-nephew at least had the No Soul Get Out of Jail Free card. What’s your excuse?

And, yes, evil!Cordy has been brainwashing him, but not to this extent surely! Like Holtz was screwed up, but he spent 15+ years instilling right vs wrong into him. And even if was swayed into confusion, CRYING GIRL PLEADING FOR HER LIFE. WHAT IS CONFUSING ABOUT THAT?

CONNOR YOU ARE THE WORST.

And then everything continues to go to shit and Cordelia gives birth to Gina Torres.

End episode apparently.

Episode 18 (Shiny Happy People)

My one complaint is that it took way too long for the ball to drop. (Not surprisingly, I had this same reaction to Madoka Magica: Rebellion--30m in of wtf dreamland vs eventual dark reality.)

But then once it did.

HOLY SHIT, FRED. I LOVE YOU.

I didn’t realize how much Fred had gotten side-lined this season until this episode and that’s a tragedy because Fred slayed it in this episode.

And omg, that one cut to Jasmine’s true face. HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, WHY THE FUCK DID THEY DO THAT. I watched this episode right before going to bed. I was not prepared for that! I was not okay with that!

Like, even now, I am too scared and revolted to scroll back through the episode and rewatch/pause that scene.

I’m just wigged.

Completely wigged.

Gah.

But yeah. Currently Fred is the only sane one and completely segregated from the rest of the cast + 99.5% of LA. How is she going to get out of this one? I honestly have no idea and for the first time in forever Angel has ended on a cliff hanger I actually get a fuck about so as soon as I hit “Post” I am headed off to watch the next episode.

That’s it for now, folks! Until next time, I’m gonna close out on my favorite line of this set of eps.

[nothingnicetosaysitnexttome]

90 Day Fiance: Season 7, Episode 4

Ooooh chile. The biggest takeaways for me this episode were thank goodness for Anny/Robert and Anna/Mursel b/c the rest of y’all sleeping on your responsibility to entertain. Let’s start with the worst and get to the best and by best I mean (5 dumpster fires out of 5 dumpster fires)

MIKE and NATALIE

We start with Mike leaving his beloved ranch in RURAL Washington state to the best side character to emerge on this show-Beau. Seriously his 10 seconds on screen was the highlight of this reel. We then flash to Natalie and her two friends in Ukraine (umm...have I been saying it wrong for years by saying-the Ukraine?) who are imitating human women going shopping. No joke, this is some earth girls are easy shit but with a gender swap. When Natalie yelled “vote!” on the dress to her two friends I had to check if they were blinking. We then get some background on Natalie via ‘exposition friend’ who she knows from work. Okay, big request to 90 day, alongside their country can you please put their profession? Everyone always says “job” “work” I NEED to know what these people are paid to do. Thank you, TLC. Natalie used to be married to a man who owned a big business. He could spoil her and give her all she wants. I needed them to call in a shady editor over from the early Rupaul’s Drag Race series to pull up some footage of the ranch. Something tells me Natalie gon be bustin out

We also hear Natalie talk about how Mike had a weight issue and that was important to her because she is such an active person. Judging by the pictures they were showing before I think Mike’s in for some serious body-shaming. He arrives and says “look at my cute little girl” and I almost vommed. Then he described her in the bedroom for a solid 60 seconds going through the entire motions of acting out a tigress and I projectile vomited everywhere. No surface in this house was left untouched. He then says hi to her mom who adores him even though neither of them can speak a word to each other and I suspect it is because the mom knows this man is her daughter’s ticket out of this home and they head off to play tigress meets the... I can’t I can. not.

MICHAEL and JULIANA

Unless I blacked out which -let’s be real is possible-they were in this episode for a solid three minutes. The kids continue to bring on wisdom well beyond their years and Juliana thinks it is a smart idea to style her hair and the daughter’s hair the same. The princess Leigh do only makes her look even younger. The kid’s bi-o-log-i-cal mother shows up and iconically states: “some women may be intimidated by someone so young, so tall, so skinny, so gorgeous, so intelligent, so traveled but I don’t have time for that.” And I said let the preacher say amen! She then says to Juliana there will be no parenting for you which- if I was 20- I’d be like fine with me brah y’all have it. I take “not mothering” to mean I’m never gonna discipline these kids, pay for anything they gotta do, and when they wanna stay up all night cool step-not mom is gonna allow it.

BLAKE and JASMIN

So we are introduced to Blake and Jasmin. It was very hard to focus because this man had straight-up JT NYSYNC bleached to high heavens Ramen hair on top and a Michael B Jordan beard in black on the bottom. But he starts describing going on a dating app after getting divorced at a young age and I’m like this looks promising. They’re about the same age, they’re both attractive, she comes from Finland which people are not fleeing in droves (in fact girl can I get trade citizenship with you- don’t ask why- it rhymes with Rump) and then a couple red flags come in each with a full music stop. The first is that this grown man lives with his parents which seems to be this season’s theme. As soon as he said that I was like hold up- hold the phone. And this is not a Norman Bates situation like Colt-e and Larissa where he is living there because his mom is his everything. This is a-I’m poor as hell and this “music thing” is me “uploading tik toks on the regular thing.” So how is he paying for this visa? The second was that Jasmin’s sister won the green card lottery and lives ten mins from Blake’s house.This got me thinking back to the  dating app they met on like hold up-he said he didn’t realize she didn’t even live in America which means this feisty minx right here probably put up like a 10-mile radius around her sister’s house. Maaaan, don’t hate the playa hate the game. Annnyyywaaay the sister and Blake drive to the airport together and the sister seems like she is not quite present. She mentions being excited to get to know Blake followed by him asking her several questions and her with the lights on, but no one home. I was very curious if Jasmin was going to have the same energy and surprise! She does. When they get back to the hotel room he says they have some alone time what should they do and she responds “shower and sleep” SAVAGE.

TANIA and SYNGIN

Now Tania pulls a move here that is a classic 90-day fiance guaranteed fail. As someone who has been watching the series since day 1 you never spend the first few days in a place waaaay better than the nowherelseville you live in. So after taking him to NY to stay in a hotel they go to CT to her mom’s shed. That’s no shade to CT but you could take me to a shed in the south of France and I’d be like I’m out. She should’ve had them share a room in an elderly home for a few days and been like surprise! private shed! On top of that she told him it was ready and it ain’t. And on top on top of that she is bossing him around to get the work done as fast as possible exactly how she wants it. If I was Syngin, I would’ve gone straight: 

and been like if we living in a shed it’s Syngin’s shed, Syngin’s rules, and Syngin’s way of life. But instead, they have an explosive fight on day 4, which is always great when you have 90 days.

ROBERT and ANNY

Now this couple is taking me on the roller coaster I was promised. This is the enterTAINTment a bitch needs! One minute I’m team Robert, the next minute I’m team Anny (to be fair I am like 85% Team Robert but you get the point). So it starts off with them going off to meet Bryson’s grandparents. The mom is out of the picture but the grandparents are not and Anny is so upset about it. I am like why is she acting so weird about this and saying they need to leave the past in the past.

Then grandma shows up....

and grandma is fooooooooiiiiiiine as all hell. I was like ooohhhh got it Anny, got it. Also, is Bryson’s mom 12? Nana Stephanie proceeds to have a very rational- if not a little invasive -conversation with Anny who is not having her at all. She is at an 11 straight out the gate. And when Stephanie reveals herself to be a porn star (Diamond Foxxx-you’re welcome) Anny is all that’s disgusting she’s uneducated. And that is some bullshit. If Stephanie wants to be a porn star, by all means, do you. Robert then takes Anny to a restaurant when she really should be in bed with some Theraflu. In this hoarse voice, Anny pulls out a bunch of screenshots of Robert’s exes on his fbook. I'm on the fence on this one. For the most part, I think it's fine if you keep up pics from old relationships but I suppose I could see why it might bother someone. Then Robert reveals Bryson is not his only child. Oh no-the man has FIVE children by four different women. That was a full mic-drop moment for me. I was like hey umm DJ run that back. Did you say five? Four baby-mamas? And where are these children?  They have been portraying this man as this savior single father and did not let us know about the other kids until episode FOUR. Well done, TLC. You go for that Emmy.

ANNA and MURSEL

With this couple I simply cannot. I have zero idea what this man’s motivations are. He does not seem into Americans or American culture and he does not seem into Anna. Is he a hostage? Honestly, I do not know. They go on a bee-keeping adventure which for them is foreplay but the man is shading Anna’s bee-keeping abilities!

She is trying to use this whole experience to set off a night with some bubbly and Boyz II men playing and he is not getting it. at. all. because neither of them understands a word the other one says. She’s all-”does my bee-keeping make you horny baby?” and he's like “bees, yes.” They’re then on their way to what I think is her bridal shower and she is telling him to talk to her friends but she literally has to hand motion “talk.” He arrives and understands nothing and no one commenting on how in Turkey only men have bachelor parties. Oh my non-alcohol drinking friend you have yet to see a bachelorette party. All her friends are confused because these two can barely communicate like even on the most basic of levels. In terms of relationships via google translator, I would put them BELOW Paul and Karine and that's a low ass standard.

So that is this week’s episode of 90 day fiancee! RIP to Angela and Michael and Sasha and Emily because they were not shown for a single second. We keep you in our prayers.

[eris0330]

Hold me tight

Pairing: YoongixReader

Genre: Fluff

Sum: You and your best friend, Yoongi is invited to a beach house with friends. Expected to be snorkelling, swimming, grilling and bonfire. It sounded like a dream, escaping from the dorm to see the sea. If just, you were able to swim. It was one of your deepest secrets, that only Yoongi was told about. Given a deal, he helps you to swim without others knowing, but it takes sacrifices of being close.

Word count: 5.7k

AU: College

Within closed doors on a summer day, your bed squeezed in the small dorm room, Yoongi was placed lazily in front of the fan. His closed eyes and glistering forehead, with his black hair sticking to his milky skin. In his favourite pair of shorts and loose T-shirt, he was complaining about the weather like always.

“Why does it have to be this hot?? I can’t wait for Autumn” He groaned into your pillow, drying off his hot face.

“Just because you’re the only one suffering, do you really have to cover the pillow I sleep with every night, with your disgusting body fluid?” You answered back, throwing a towel to the man. Lazily he pushed himself up, to sit tightly against your wall while you opened the door for your friend. Eunji’s toothpaste smile almost blinded you, while she dragged her boyfriend across the door step.

“I have good news!” She chimed, getting Yoongi’s attention from the, now, damped towel. Closing the door behind her, you skipped over to grab a soda for the old man. “Oh? Continue?” You suggested, while crouching down to pick the coolest one. Yoongi gave up on listening, seeing the revealed skin on your back.

“Well, Jonghyun’s parents are away for a business trip and we are allowed to use their vacation house! Means, a whole weekend with bonfire, swimming, food and fireworks!” Her voice getting pitchy, while jumping up and down. “You can say it’s just a beach house, but it has the best view over the sea and we don’t even need to walk more than 3 metres!” Jonghyun added, holding onto Eunji’s hand.

Jonghyun and Eunji were one of your closest friends, besides Yoongi. Eunji was in fact, your best friend but distanced herself more after getting back in college. It was almost, like she only saw Jonghyun in her sight. Not that it mattered, Yoongi was a great companion when it came to studying. Even though he is lazy and sleeps most of the time, he is smarter than you’d think.

“Is it only us four?” Yoongi asked, taking the cold can, out of your hand. Not realising, that you haven’t even moved from the fridge yet. “Yeah, just us. Unless you have a girlfriend, you want to invite, then you can?” Eunji teased, wiggling her eyebrow suggestively. Your eyes shot directly at Yoongi, because if he did have a girlfriend, then you would be the first one to be angry. It was a crime, to not tell each other about dates or relationships. Even though, you had already broken the rule, by finding Yoongi more attractive than usual.

“She’s not my girlfriend yet, but I’m down for a weekend away from this dorm.” He scoffed with a light smirk, making your eyebrows knit. What did he mean by ‘yet’.

“How about you, Y/N?” Jonghyun questioned, with his brown orbs pointed at your frozen body. It’s not that It didn’t sound nice, to get away from the dorm. Since, it was rare you ever had the time, because of studying. Bonfire and grilling meat, while the fireworks lit up the sky, sounded like a bliss. If just, you could swim. Without a doubt, they would ask you to enter the water, but you wouldn’t be able to go much further, than to your belly button. You have never gotten the chance to learn how to swim, and being the age you are now, it was an embarrassing secret. During high school, you never admitted it to the teachers and would rather tell them every time, you forgot your swimsuit.

Exposing it to all of them, would be dooming. Eunji would push you to step in the water, or use her ‘Just do it’ phrase. No one, would understand why it was a frightening feeling, getting your head dipped. More of all, Yoongi would probably tease and nag on you about how uneducated you were, not learning how to swim.

“I don’t know….” You muttered, looking down on your feet and towards your closet. It was only a week ago, you bought a whole new bikini, hoping this year, you would finally learn. “You don’t know?? Come on Y/N, it’s a whole weekend without other people and just having fun! We can snorkel and even jump from a medium high cliff!” Eunji persuaded you to join. Her puppy eyes showing, when you tried to dodge another invitation.

“Please Y/N? It won’t be fun with just me and two guys. Besides, Yoongi will be the third wheel” She added, making you reconsider. His eyes were locked onto your body, while you noticed his lip biting. Why not ask his ‘soon-to-be-girlfriend’.

“Fine. When are we going?” You gave into her big eyes and pleading, thinking it would be the next weekend that would come, instead of the one you enter right now. It would at least, give you a head start to practice swimming.

“Tomorrow morning!” Jonghyun spoke, making your eyes widen. Tomorrow.

“Might as well pack then, who’s driving?” Yoongi spoke from the bed, making Eunji scratch the back of her head, while blinking with her long lashes. “You.” She spoke, holding onto Jonghyun’s arm.

“Me?” Yoongi answered, confused why it was settled to be him. The same mouth shape of confusion, he does when something is unfair or doesn’t sound right. “We thought, since you aren’t really doing anything anyways, then you might as well drive. We will be preparing the food and Y/N can supply us with fireworks? We each got a job to do” Jonghyun chuckled, making Yoongi’s mouth shape falter to a pursed line.

“Fair play.” He admitted, but still not fond of having to do anything. “GREAT! Let’s get started with packing!” Eunji chimed, dragging Jonghyun out of the dorm room, leaving just you and Yoongi. Still shocked over not being able to learn how to swim, but rather, how were you going to learn, while they were on the side line. Everything seemed to come at a loss, thinking you had to make an excuse, for never going into the water.

“Something tells me, you are holding back a secret” Yoongi claimed, putting the soda on your night stand. Standing up from the bed, you got reminded of how much taller he was compared to you. His slightly toned muscles on his arm, and broad shoulders with his skinny legs, he stood in front of your frozen state. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” You scoffed, knowing he was doing the thing he always did. Squeezed every bit of information he could, by either teasing, joking or the worst, tickling.

“So, suddenly the girl I have known for ages, turns down on an offer to get away from this small box of a dorm? When she has never said no before, in her lifetime. Something’s fishy Y/N” His eyebrow raised, getting closer to you. His chest touching your crossed arms, making you step back against the bed. Almost out of words of annoyance, how this guy knew you too well and could easily read your body language. Another step, had your back leaning against the bed. Yoongi’s hands were firmly placed on each side of your head, while hovering above.

“Get off, Min Yoongi” You threatened before it became ugly. His cheeky smirk appeared again, while tilting his head. “Using the full names now, are we? You’re definitely hiding something. What did we agree on, about not keeping secrets?” He teased, in the voice you hated. It wasn’t that it annoyed you how husky it sounded, but it was in the category of sexy. The past year, you made him believe, that it sounded disgusting, than letting him know it turned you on. Though, it slowly became worse than better.

“It has nothing to do with you” you spat, pushing his chest with your hands. Trying with all your strength, moving his much larger and heavier body. Already after one push, you knew he wasn’t easy to budge.

“nothing to do with me? Doesn’t justify it Y/N.” He chuckled, removing his hands from the bed. Sitting on top of you, feeling his butt press against your hip, he hovered his hands over your ribs. “You know what that means-“ His sentence was cut off, as his fingers attacked your sides. Biting onto your lip, while your legs tried to wiggle out of his chained posture, you gave in. He tickled you, to the point your laughter was airless and tears formed in the corner of your eyes. Trying to look at him, the same kind of devilish smile and beautiful face, was all you could see.

“OKAY OKAY STOP IT. I WILL TELL YOU, PLEASE” You did what you despite, and that was begging. Yoongi was a sucker for your begging, making it his fuel. It always gave him energy, winning a fight. Though, it was the point, it grew on him like a kink. His fingers released around your waist, while you got to get a proper heart beat and breathing without dying.

“you will be the death of me, Yoongi” You exhaled, receiving a cheeky smile and shrug from above. Taking a deep breath, you looked up to see his eyes scanning your face. His hands were still lazily placed on the curve of your side, not wanting to tell him, because they will disappear.

“I can’t swim…” You mumbled, seeing his eyebrows knit. “You what?” He asked confused.

“I. Can’t. Swim. Okay?” You spoke louder, defeated of your own embarrassment. Hiding your face with your arms, crossing them along your face. Yoongi’s knitted brows, relaxed more after processing your confession. Running a hand through his hair, his lips curved by the second. You peeked through your arms, to see his smile widen. The sound of laughter muffling the room, as you rolled your eyes in defence.

“It’s not funny! This is serious Yoongi!” You pleaded, smacking his thighs. His laughter coming to a minimum, but his smile was still plastered. “You were turning down a weekend off, because you can’t swim??” He repeated, making you exhale annoyed.

“Yes, because I know Eunji will try to make me snorkel or swim further out. OR JUST SWIM IN GENERAL. I will not only look like a fool, but she will never forget it.” You explained, making you dry away the tears the cornered in his eyes.

“Y/N, it’s not that hard. A five-year-old can do it, heck a baby could probably do it” He joked, making you look up on his face. His cheeks lightly tinted, probably from his laughing period.

“I know! But I need time! We already have to go tomorrow morning, I will never get to learn without her noticing me sitting by myself on a blanket in the dazing sun or shade. Even standing in the water, refusing to go further, afraid I will drown. Yoongi, I’m basically screwed. It was already embarrassing enough to tell you.” You explained, making him hum. Yoongi loved tormenting you, but he could see how it have been a problem. Understanding, what it’s like not being able to do something and too embarrassed to explain.

“I guess I know how you feel” He mumbled, making your eyes widen. “What?” You asked, lifting your upper body up by your elbows. Getting your face closer to his, seeing the red tint across his cheeks was still stained. “It’s nothing. Forget it. I’ll help you with your ‘swimming problem.” He scoffed, avoiding your eyes contact.

“Oh come on, I just told you about my embarrassing secret. I DESERVE to hear yours” You pleaded, making your eyes bigger, which you knew was a weakness on him. Biting on his lip, his hands loosened from your waist, scratching the back of his neck, letting out a groan. “Let’s say, if you can swim by the end of the day tomorrow, I will tell you. I’m literally throwing my pride away” He snickered, making your eyebrows knit. A lump, forming in the bottom of your stomach, unsure why he was so scared of telling you.

“You promise?” You asked again, making him exhale. “I promise” He muttered, letting his hands fall to his side.

“Pinky promise?” You pestered, making him look at you as if you were crazy. “You gotta be kidding me… that’s something we did when we were teens… not that it made my statement better, but still” He spoke annoyed, seeing your little finger fly across his face.

“But did we ever break a pinky promise?” You shot with another question, suggesting he can’t let this one go. “Fine. I promise.” His finger sliding against yours, as you both tightened it in a knot. Your smile widening, while he mirrored.

“I love you” A voice from the back, making your eyes flutter open. Stretching out your cramped arms, you looked to find the source of your awakening. Eunji was being lovely dovely in the back of the car, with her beloved, smuttering Jonghyun in kisses. The way they held each other’s hands, as if it was the end of the world. Kisses shared, with only a smile interrupting.

“slept well?” Another voice interrupting your staring, making you look away from the couple. Eyes landing on a black-haired boy in ripped jeans, and his favourite white shirt. His eyes focused on the road, while his lips silently sang along the radio song. Taking a deep breath, you went back to your comfy position in the seat.

“I think so, are we there soon?” You responded, looking at the hotels and beach house rolling on the side. “Soon, probably 10 minutes if I haven’t driven the wrong way” Yoongi answered with his husky deep voice, making your hairs stand. You examined his relaxed posture, holding the wheel with one hand. The veins on his arms, traveling from his hands to the inside of his shirt. The silver bracelet he wore, that you gave him as a birthday present three years ago. Even though, you tease him about it, he always tells you it’s because he’s lazy that he never takes it off. His dangling earring that you encourage him to wear, because it suited his style. You always smile, thinking of the day in the gym where he shot a basketball in your head. Consulting you at the bench, while you considered if it were a concussion at first. After that, you always met due to your clumsiness. Spilling your coffee on his school uniform, or smacking your locker in his face, when he passed by. He had to give up a lot, to just be around you, making sure you didn’t hurt anyone else, like you did to him. Or so he said. His eyes were now pointed at you, making your heart skip a beat. They disappeared quickly again, focusing on the road in front of him. Did he notice your staring?

“Jonghyun, is it here?” He asked, driving slowly for the man to see. Jonghyun’s face looked out of the window, while giving a thumb up. With a smooth movement, Yoongi parked the car in the drive way, while exhaling. “If I knew it was this far, I would have protested of going” He muttered under his breath, making you chuckle.

“GUYS QUICK AND LET’S CHANGE BECAUSE THE OCEAN IS CALLING!” Eunji was excited, running in the back to gather the bags. While Jonghyun took care of the groceries, Eunji was taking care of the clothes. Her hand grabbing yours, dragging you to the beach house.

Arriving in a love suite, or so it looked like. A big double bed, with a fitting balcony, mirrors on the walls and light pink blankets with flowers. The windows let in the right amount of sun, warming up the room. It was aesthetically pleasing to the eyes.

“This IS you and Yoongi’s room” Eunji claimed, making you turn around to face her. “What?” You blurted out, unsure if it would be a good idea. It’s not that you haven’t shared a room before, but sharing a bed in such environment was a whole new thing. “Unless you want him to sleep on the couch, then you have to share this room. Jonghyun and me will be taking the room downstairs” She explained, taking out her bikini. In a rush, she ran towards the bathroom, changing her daily clothes, to a hot summer body. Her tanned skin fitted incredibly well, to the baby blue colour. She twirled around, before making a bow.

“So, what do you think?” She asked, making you shake your head in disbelief. “You look good, I like the colour” You answered, making her pout, but knew she wouldn’t get any better answer than that. Digging your hands into the suitcase, you quickly embraced the black coloured bikini.

“This looks new, I saw it on a mannequin the other day” Eunji commented beside you. “Yeah, I haven’t really gotten the time to swim, but I thought this year would be it” You chuckled, hoping she wouldn’t ask questions about it. “Well, let me know when you have gotten it on, I’ll go down to see if the boys are ready” She spoke, before smacking your butt once. It gave a rather jolt in your body, feeling her hand slap imprinted on your jeans. Her figure disappearing out of the door, while you were standing in front of the mirror. Not bothering to use the bathroom, you changed quickly. The bikini fit perfectly around your hips and chest, giving you a little more cleavage than normal and the O-rings on the side, made it a little sexier.

“Oh- Sorry” A voice coming into the room, standing in the door way. His eyes still fixated on you, while you processed his appearance. “Do you ever knock??” You scoffed, getting an over-sized T-shirt to pull over.

“I don’t see how I should knock, to a room that is mine” He answered, making your tongue clicker. His figure coming closer, feeling his eyes stripping you further to naked. “Excuse you?” You asked, seeing his stare that only made you flustered.

“You look good in it, too bad you can’t swim~” He teased, making you slap him on the arm. “Let’s go, the others are waiting, besides I don’t have all day to teach you” Yoongi claimed, walking out of the room in his lazy way. He was in a hurry, trying to cover his red flushed cheeks and almost flaming boner in his swim shorts.

“Jonghyun, let’s go see over there at the cave!” Eunji suggested excitedly, dragging her loving boyfriend towards the cliff. You were standing in the water, barely letting it go above your thighs. Yoongi was standing silently on the side, seeing the couple flee.

“Looks like you don’t need help getting them not to see, they are probably on their way to do whatever is illegal publicly.” Yoongi commented annoyed, making you bite the inside of your cheek.

“Go on, you need water to at least above your stomach to your chest.” He commanded, making you shake your head. “Nope, not gonna happen” You protested, making him groan.

“You are never going to learn, if you only have water to your calves” He spoke again, as he pushed you towards the ocean. Feeling the water splash on your skin, making you squeak.

“It’s cold!!” You yelled, trying to dig your feet into the sand. “I swear to god Y/N, it’s not” Yoongi answered, still trying to push you.

“That’s easy for you to say, you still have your shirt on. I’m basically in underwear” You spoke defensive, making his grip around your shoulder loosen. “Fine, stay here or walk further out” His fingers disappearing from your shoulders, leaving you to stand by yourself. Giving the strength of moving your body, never happened. You didn’t see a reason to learn, you didn’t want to. As clumsy as you were, you would probably drown at this point.

“Move, now.” Yoongi came back within minutes, letting his hand fall on the small of your back. Lightly pushing, as you turned to your side. His shirt was gone, leaving him in only swim shorts. The milky skin blinding you, as his toned muscles make you drool. In a state of a daze, he pushed you further while you examined his body. The scar besides his belly button, from his appendix bursting, back when you got to know him. It was whiter than his natural skin, and long.

“Stop staring at me, it’s weird” He commented, making you shake your head. The water going above your belly button, made your body frozen. “I wasn’t looking at you, jeez” You answered, looking away to get the chilly air. Your cheeks feeling like fire, as you brushed your hands against the skin. You heard him snort beside you, while you acted innocent.

“Okay, first off. Floating, lay on your back” He suggested, folding his arms while you tried to lay on the water. Not even a second of floating, your head dug under the cold liquid. Salt water rushing through your nostrils, making you stand up and shake like a dog. You heard Yoongi’s familiar laugh, almost falling over himself.

“You can’t just lay down, you need to breath in air you fool” He chuckled, guiding you again with his voice. You splashed water on him by annoyance, making his laughter stop. Though, his smile never disappeared. Trying again, you lifted your legs to let the water take them. Counting down, you felt the water irrupt your ears, making the world disappear and only your pulse could be heard. Almost believing you got the hang of it, water covered your face once more. Tries, after tries with failure, you gave up.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m going in” You spoke annoyed, brushing your wet hair away. Yoongi’s laughter stopped once again, before stopping you. He was warm, letting his arm fall on your stomach. “Hold on, didn’t you want to learn?” He questioned, letting an eyebrow raise.

“I can’t do it Yoongi, it’s hard with just myself” You admitted, making his lips purse into a thin line. “Then, let’s try together.” He suggested, avoiding your eyes. Of all times, he wanted to avoid this.

“What do you mean?” You asked, not sure what he meant. His hands grabbed your wrist, pulling you towards him. Stumbling upon the sand, you fell into his embrace. The seconds you felt and heard his heart beat, made you flustered. Standing up once more, you saw the same tint from the day earlier, erupt his cheeks.

“I’ll make you float. Do as I say” He claimed, making you nod. Not wanting to protest anymore, since this is the closest you have been, since starting the lesson. His grip around your wrist loosened, while he bit his lower lip.

“Don’t be frightened, but I need to touch your thigh. It’s easier starting from a princess posture” He explained, making you nod again. Your heart racing harder than time, as you felt his hand glide against your thigh. His other hand, placed firmly on your back as he lifted you in bridal style. Your arms naturally swinging around his neck, holding tightly.

“You need to stretch out your body, but not too much. Just relax, and take deep breaths. Let go of my neck and lay down, I’ll hold you.” He continued to speak, feeling his muscles flex under your palm.

Obeying his words, you let your arms slide away from his neck and shoulders. Letting them slide down in the water and stretching your legs, as if you were in bed. The sea star position, is what people would call it. Your head laying against the small waves, still with your ears above it to hear the world. Yoongi’s eyes were still fixated on your body and eyes, making sure you wouldn’t be scared. His hands almost shaking underneath, and loud gulps in between breaths. The gaze he gave you, was mesmerising and breath taking. It was rare, you saw him look at you like this. Your heart beating slower, but louder and breathing slow as he said. Closing your eyes, you felt his hands disappear. But, you couldn’t. Opening your eyes again, you gripped his shoulder. His eyes widening of your sudden touch, making you look at him with sorrowful eyes.

“If I drown… will you rescue me…?” You hesitantly asked, making his eyebrows knit. Maybe it seemed like a normal question, with an obvious answer. But, you had your insecurities. You had always been clumsy and it wasn’t always, people stayed by your side. Yoongi pursed his lips into a thin line, before he let out an airy laugh and smiled; “Of course, you fool. Nothing can stop me from rescuing my best friend from drowning” He scoffed, but saw some pain in his eyes. My best friend. You nodded approvingly to his answer, before you let your arm fall into position again. Closing your eyes, you felt your body getting lighter and heavier by each breath. His hands disappearing from underneath you, making your eyes open. Without panicking, you embraced the water. The sound around you diluting, only leaving you with your racing heart and breath. The sun shining upon your exposed stomach, as Yoongi’s eyes kept a close look. You smiled fondly, thinking you didn’t deserve him. His mouth out wording something, but you couldn’t see properly. His eyes lashes, shading his eye sight, while you felt his hands again under you. Instinctively, you embraced him once more. The water holding you up, but stabilising against him. His face, merely centimetres away while feeling his breath cross your lips. Eyes lowered, feeling his chest against yours.

“See, you didn’t drown…” He mumbled, letting his hands fall on your hips. The waves swaying you both from side to side, while the heating sun gave his eyes a lighter colour. You chuckled, before nodding. “All I have to do, is move my limbs now” You spoke with a smile, happy over the achievement. Yoongi’s cheeks turned redder and hotter by the second, because he knew, you felt it. A bulge poking on the bottom of your stomach, sending waves of confusion and heat through your body, stopping you from moving away. It was a frozen state, but neither of you, knew what to do.

“Yeah… better start moving those legs” He scoffed, pushing you away from his body. His warmth disappearing, while trying to combine moving limbs and floating. Hours after hour. Errors after error, you got help. His hands travelling along your back and showing, guiding you. Your beating heart, never got a rest, when he was this close. Soon, you got the hang of it. Yoongi clapping of his great teaching, while you thanked him by spraying water in his face. In revenge, he ran after you, trying to dig you under the cold substance. It was a wresting time for the both of you, holding onto each other from not falling and pushing each other. Laughter and heavy breaths collided, before you both got too tired to continue. His arms firmly holding you around the curve of your sides, as your palms found place on his chest. Imprinting every breath and heartbeat, syncing it with yourself.

“So, how about this embarrassing secret of yours? Now that I have learned to swim” You reminded him, as he bit on the inside of his cheek. It was something so sacred, he wasn’t sure why he offered such a deal. “Y/N… I don’t know” He muttered, as his grip loosened.

“Yoongi we pinky promised” You pouted at him, while you saw his suffering. It was pleasing to see, but it clearly bothered him. “It’s just-“

“GUYS! We need to turn on the grill, if we need food the next hour” You heard Jonghyun from afar, while the couple approached. Yoongi’s arms disappeared, while stepping away. “I’ll tell you later” He whispered in your ear, before he walked towards the other man. Feeling exhausted of being active the entire day, you walked towards the beach house.

“Who wants another piece of pork?” You heard Jonghyun ask around, while you shook your head. Already at the point of the sun going away, you were already full. You had been eating for about 2 hours, with various of stuff. The bonfire lighting in the back, getting ready for the next thing. Holding onto your bag of fireworks, you examined the sticks. Stretching your tired body, you walked towards the ocean. The frigid air brushing against your bare legs and the stars shining down, making the sand glister like diamonds. Standing on the edge of the water, letting your bare feet dig into the small corns.

“Already full?” A familiar voice behind, feeling his presence coming to stand by you. His arm brushing against yours, feeling chills disappearing. “Yeah… I might explode” You joked, hearing him chuckle.

“Please don’t… not feeling right, to pick up pieces of you on the ground. Already did enough exercise today” He scoffed, while you puffed his arm. His airy laugh ending, making the silence creep. Your eyes were fixated on the stars, but Yoongi’s never left you. The way you adored the sky, while it was never awkward to be by each other’s side.

“Are you sure, you want to know my secret?” Yoongi spoke with a low voice, making your eyes fall on him. His lips trembling, while he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “Yeah” You responded, turning around to meet him, face to face.

“Even though, it means our friendship will be withering away?” He continued to ask, letting his fingertips brush against your arm. Chills forming on your skin, and your fingers meeting to intertwine. “Yeah…” You trailed off, waiting for him. Biting on his bottom lip, you felt his trembling hands in yours. Your heart pumping and a lump forming in your stomach, while you saw his eyes examine you. Is he finally going to ask his date out? Will you become the third wheel?

“I like you. As in, I love you. Our friendship grew so quickly and I couldn’t get myself to confess. Losing you over my own feelings, is the worst scenario possible… I didn’t know what you would think, heck, I was scared the moment we arrived here. I don’t want this to disappear” Yoongi confessed, making your eyes widen. His thumb brushing on the back of your hand, while you progressed the information. Your heart almost bursting, feeling his other hand cup your cheek. Stepping closer, his nose brushing against your own. Closing your eyes, feeling his soft lips. Slow, loving and long. One kiss, turning to more. His tongue asking for permission, to have a taste. A groan escaping the back of his throat, feeling your hands travel in his hair. The silky black strands between your fingers, holding tightly that your heart might stop. Heavy breaths stopping the kiss, to see his lustful eyes shine in the moon light. Forehead clashed together, with eyes locked.

“I love you too, Yoongi…” You murmured, receiving another kiss on your lips. “But I don’t understand, why is that embarrassing?” You questioned, holding onto his hands, feeling the warmth grow along your skin. A tired laugh escaped him, lifting his forehead from yours.

“This was only part of it…” He trailed off, taking in a deep breath before looking at you in the eyes, with a smirk appearing. “I feel it’s embarrassing, because I fell for a girl who almost killed me every day in school. Being surrounded by cheerleaders and the most popular girls, yet my eyes always found the girl in the back with her chocolate muffin. Seeing her accidents of dropping her stuff and breaking a glass, walking into people and scraping her knees. How did a girl, so dorky and clumsy, catch my heart in an instant? When I threw the basketball in your head, it was indeed a mistake. But without that failure of mine, we wouldn’t have gotten close. I wanted to protect you, help and find out you were incredible. I longed for the days, I could hold you like this and feel you. I hate, how you can make my mind so messy and clouded. My head, is always filled with you.” His words continuing, letting kisses pass by in between. Arms holding you close, as tears formed in the corner of your eyes. Barely believing, how this guy could be in love with you for this long and never tell. How you both had secret feelings, without telling. Realising, keeping secrets from each other, is worse than telling.

“Then the ‘soon-to-be-girlfriend’ is…?” You trailed off, letting his hands cup your face again. His thumbs drying away the tears, your feelings created. “You.” He answered, smiling fondly. His lips meeting yours, before letting another word out.

“Will you be my girlfriend, Y/N?” He questioned, biting onto his lower lip, forming a smile. Your heart bursting and giggling of his request, you nodded; “Only if you won’t leave me” You teased, taking his hands into yours.

“I promise” He spoke with his husky voice, while the sound of waves bloomed around your feet. “Pinky promise?” Holding up your little finger, Yoongi let out a laughing sigh, before his own hand raised. “I pinky promise”

Fingers locked together again, he pulled you in for a hug. His arms holding you tightly, letting the hands travel along your back. You grabbed his shirt, feeling his lips touch the delicate skin of your neck. The salvation of lust erupting in your stomach, while your moans passed his ears. Flashes of heat hitting your core, like waves. Placing butterfly kisses and marking the skin, of what he owns, trailing towards your lips, giving a last lustful kiss.

Lips released, he took your hand to drag you towards the beach house. Before Eunji and Jonghyun could see, Yoongi pulled you further inside towards the bedroom. The heat in the bottom of your stomach growing, while he let you inside and locking the door.

“I thought you had done enough exercise for one day” You snickered, feeling his hands embrace your body. “This is better, than picking up body parts on the beach” He chuckled, biting on your ear lobe. Hands travelling under the clothes, helping each other strip to reveal the skin. You loved the way he held you, talked, touched and felt around him. Yoongi was seductive and a gentleman, giving away your innocence, was nothing than a blessing for it to be with him.

[roughmagicblog-blog]

Let The Air In

by Sydney Gayle Amanuel

Northern California looked like fall but it was August. Their draught was and still is, really bad. I remember thinking, ‘The planet is dying and our solution is to give it a slow death.’ I lived in NY but I was teaching at Berkeley for the summer. My boyfriend, who lived in Boston at the time, was on a tour with his band down the East Coast. We were at almost perfect ends of the United States, Northern Cali and South Florida, when I called him and told him I was pregnant. We'd been dating for almost a year.

We have what most consider a good, solid relationship; we are open and honest in our communication, we like to be around each other, he's seen me poop and vomit, all the basics. We talk about everything from politics to pop culture and like to debate with one another, so we’ve already discussed our stances on women's rights long ago. We agree that a woman has the right to decide what's best for herself, her life, and her body.

It was comforting to know that conversation already happened and there wasn’t some “hills like white elephants” situation in the room that we had to step over, but it was still hard to tell him knowing what came next: my personal choice to have an abortion.

I'm very close with my mom, so I was able to talk to her about my pregnancy and my plan to have an abortion. My best friend and roommate was an activist and grass rooter for planned parenthood and knew more than I did. I definitely did spend my time around like-minded people, but to have my mother, best friend, and my partner support me immediately, no questions asked, was more than relief, more than luck. I can't imagine the emotional upheaval for girls in less ideal situations. I was surrounded by positivity for my decision, something you don't see or hear about often and something that is more common than you think. Statistics say 1 in 3 women will have an abortion in her lifetime. It was only after I had decided to have mine, that women I knew spoke up and shared their experiences with me. As soon as I got back to New York I called my local Planned Parenthood and made an appointment.

As comforting as it was to have support from friends, the week before the abortion I found myself doing what everyone does, googling. How much does it hurt? How much does it cost? Will I feel physically bad after? Is the bleeding like a period? What method will be used? How long does it take? What are the risks?

It was almost like google was typing back, surprise! Feel ashamed you careless idiot! Every story I read, every personal account of an abortion, was a tale of woe and regret, of guilt and shame over the death of a child. And these weren't even sites with a blatant religious slant, these made up the first full page of my google search, presented as fact. The internet is not really your friend, not in our post-fact world, alternative fact world. You would think with the abundance of fact checking capabilities and resources, we could sift, see past misinformation, but it’s not so easy. Especially if you are alone. If, unlike me, you didn’t have a mom or a best friend to turn to and say things out loud, make them real. I wasn't really phased by the stories, I've always been strong in my convictions and I've never sat on the fence about a woman's right to choose, but I was stunned at the amount of forums screaming, "Don't do it."

After hours of clicks and scrolls I found myself deep in Youtube looking at abortion photos week by week up until stillbirths. *Not for the faint of heart* If you don’t like blood, don’t look. But for me, it was helpful and kind of amazing. I felt like I was rediscovering my vagina in a way. I remembered when I learned women can masturbate just like men do and orgasm too—I felt tricked. The woman is taboo, and everyone wants to talk about us, just not truthfully and not with us in the room. I closed my laptop.

The day of my procedure. I’m about to get down to details here, feel free to turn back, I’m not censoring anything so, content warning folks.

My roommate went with me to the clinic—turned out guests couldn’t really go further than the front door, they had a whole separate waiting room on the bottom floor. I sat in the designated patients waiting room, staring at glossy pamphlets, wondering if the girl across from me was also here for an abortion. I looked around trying to nonverbally communicate and tell her, “It's okay, I’m scared too.” I didn't know this at the time, but Planned Parenthood not only provides many services for women’s health, but also they have their own staff dedicated to insurance as well as counselors to talk to. Planned Parenthood didn't take my insurance, so they lead me to their insurance floor where I sat and talked with an agent. She explained that through the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), I would be covered for my abortion as well as a new birth control method. I asked what the co-pay was or what she guesstimated the bill to be. She told me I was completely covered, I wouldn't owe anything, that's what the ACA is for. It helps people—that's what it does.

After the insurance was settled, I was called to have a quick checkup and ultrasound. Then they sent me to meet with a counselor who looked a lot like a girl I used to do a radio talk show with in college. I didn't know meeting a counselor was mandatory and I felt uncomfortable, afraid she was going to talk me out of getting the abortion or make me feel the shame the internet implied I should feel. When she asked, “What brings you here today?" I think I may have just said "Abortion." I was so confused and anxious. She nodded and we started to discuss birth control. I wanted to explain: I’m not careless or uneducated, I taught sex-ed to middle and high schoolers, my mom supported me, I use condoms, I’m in a healthy relationship, I’m normal. I wanted to be told that an abortion was normal. She eased me through any questions I had or topics I wanted to discuss. I asked if I could see the sonogram they took of me. She told me I was six weeks along and there, in the shaded grey was a barely visible white dot on my black open uterus. A sack of cells. I kind of wanted to keep the picture, but then thought she might think that was weird, and I realized, yeah that is weird, so I didn't ask. We decided on a new form of birth control together. I had been on the pill since I was 15, I had no choice at the time. I had ovarian cysts and had to regulate myself before they got any worse, but didn't like the negative hormonal effects from the pill. I had mood swings, weight gain, acne, and I never remembered to take it which made me sick and reduced its effectiveness. AKA I had an ineffective form of birth control, which is why I got pregnant. I decided to have an IUD which, she told me, could be put in right after the abortion. No one I knew had an IUD, even my Gyno never mentioned it. But its description was like a light at the end of the tunnel I was walking down again, my taboo female body had been left in the dark.

When it comes to an abortion, there are two options: a surgical abortion or a medical abortion. Surgical abortions take place in a hospital or center, while medical abortions are induced by pills you can take at home. If you have the surgical abortion, you have the choice to be put to sleep or stay awake.

I wanted to have the surgical. I wanted to stay awake. I wanted to fully understand the procedure, be present and remember everything. If I chose to be put to sleep, would I remember anything? Or would it feel like those waking dreams, the ones you can’t discern from reality, and leave you only feeling sad when you wake up. Wishing you could go back in and feel it, even if it was bad. I wanted to know, so I could tell my friends, any woman, that her choice is her choice and it's okay.

In my hospital gown, with blue booties on my feet, I sat in a semicircle of chairs. Other girls also had gowns and booties on, we were all the same. Sitting.

I was given a small white paper cup containing two tylenol pills.

I laid on a white table in a small white room. There were three women in the room, a doctor, her assistant and myself. The doctor explained the numbing solution she was going to put on my cervix can make a person’s lips numb too, like novocaine. I laid back, she numbed me, and kept talking, explaining the next steps. The numbing stuff actually made me lose hearing, quite quickly. The doctor had been talking to me in a calm, slow voice and suddenly a ringing started that got higher in pitch until my ears felt like they were underwater while also on an airplane. I tried to talk, to tell her I couldn’t hear, but I realized I couldn't form the words. So I just sort of grunted to let her know I was okay. She turned on a large machine next to the table I laid on. It looked like a vacuum—it basically was. The machine made a loud sucking and groaning noise which I could hear clearly. This was when the pain started. Special absorbent rods were then used to dilate my cervix. I assumed it was similar to induced labor—your insides sort of start pushing and pumping and it is very, very painful. Women: imagine your worst period cramps x20 and also giving birth all at once. The machine pulled and sucked up the blood as it was being pushed out and my body worked in overdrive to assist the process. This lasted for maybe 10 minutes, but it felt like 30. The whole time I held my hands clasped together, pressed hard into my chest and stared at a florescent light above me. Its plastic covering was painted to look like clouds. I barely remember her putting in the IUD. When the doctor turned the machine off, everything happened fast. They sat me up, placed a pad between my legs and scooted me into a wheelchair. I involuntarily started crying, but I wasn't sad. I think I was happy, relieved.

I was wheeled to a recovery room and placed in a big comfy chair, pad between my legs and hot compress on my uterus to help with the pain. I was exhausted, but also very concerned with accidentally bleeding through my gown and kept drunkenly patting myself to make sure I wasn't. The doctor put a hand on my shoulder and said “We have to do an ultrasound to make sure we got everything.”

In another room, a nurse pressed the plastic ultrasound probe through the cold gel onto my skin. My uterus felt like a used punching bag. They missed part of the sac and I was told they had to go back in to remove the rest, it would be dangerous to leave it. Once again, I was back in the small white room looking up at the fake painted clouds. Another nurse was in the room this time using the ultrasound while the doctor performed my second abortion so that she could clearly see the remaining sac. When she asked how I was doing, I almost laughed. The nurse smiled and held my hand. She told me I was so brave to do this and that I was doing well.

In less than an hour, I technically had two abortions. They also had to insert, remove, and reinsert my IUD. I was told what happened was very rare, and they usually get everything with no complications. I was also told the blood and sac were dark, meaning the blood was old and had been sitting. This could indicate different things, but most likely I would have had a miscarriage if I didn't have an abortion. After my second abortion I was back in the recovery room again, soon changing back into my clothes and eating crackers they tell you to eat before you snip your bracelet off and sign yourself out.

My roommate and I took the subway back to our apartment and within three days I felt fine with no pain or IUD side effects. A month later I got a letter from Medicaid saying I owed nothing but if I wanted to re-up on my insurance I could join and start a plan. A year later I was working in California again, feeling lucky to be alive. I called my partner and we talked about how different our worlds would have been without my abortion, without my right to choose. Now, two years later, the leader of our nation believes in punishing women who undergo this procedure.

I felt compelled to write about my experience, mostly for girls like me. I wanted to tell those girls, those women, that I did it and I am fine. I did it and I am normal and so are you. I am not ashamed, or embarrassed, nor am I guilty or regretful. I'm not saying my decision was easy, but I knew immediately what my decision would be. When I think to myself that 100 or even 50 years ago this was not an option for women, I feel sick. But the truth is, we haven’t really come that far. Look at us, at our country as a whole at the March for Life, the grab em by the pussys, the repetative rape culture. I can only understand these issues through my experiences being a woman in this country. And I fear for marginalized lives, those not as privileged as I am. I fear for those who are people of color, non-white passing, non-cisgendered, for anyone in the LGBTQ community, for anyone of Islamic faith, and for any woman whose rights will be taken away or compromised.

I had my abortion legally, safely, through Planned Parenthood. I now have an effective form of birth control for the next eight years. Both my abortion and birth control were covered under a health program created to give affordable healthcare to Americans that need it. Planned Parenthood offers healthcare and services to both men and women. They provide STI and STD testing as well as HIV testing. Planned Parenthood helped me—they are there to help. To remove funding for services and centers, to create laws that ban certain procedures, and to shut down care centers nationwide is to tell all women in this country that their reproductive rights and health care is not important. It tells women that you do not support them and will actively regress and erase years of an uphill battle that they alone have climbed. What is most hurtful, most frustrating, is that the people who need to read this message will not take the time to. But to those who have, thank you. I hope we can change things, I hope we don't have to end up always fixing them, again, forever.

Sydney Gayle Amanuel is a Salem-based artist. Check out her amazing work here: http://sydneygayle.com

[thank-your-lucky-stars]

I didn't want to be bisexual for the longest time. I came of age when "I Kissed a Girl" 🙄 was a thing and my Mum actually said to me (pre-coming out) "bisexuals are greedy, abnormal promiscuous people". Being bi felt at best like I was going through a fad. Or at worst like I was making a dodgy lifestyle choice, like I was into dogging. To have this legendary character on such an established soap be bi, it felt like a sea change. But Mum watched last night and told me again "See? Promiscuous."

Fuck. I am so so sorry. I don’t even know what to say. 

Soaps have such a unique opportunity to educate people and raise awareness; these are characters the audience get to know over months, years and even decades. They are in our house five nights a week. People grow to know and love and care for these characters, which is why soaps touching on subjects that may not necessarily get spoken about too much is so important.

And soaps have done so much good. Emmerdale has done so much good. Some people will never learn; their eyes and minds and hearts will be firmly shut no matter what, and that’s just the way it is. But others.....others aren’t as narrow-minded. There’s a difference between being awful and unaccepting, and ignorant and uneducated. And soaps have an opportunity to connect with those people who may simply just....not understand. 

For some reason, bisexuality is still taboo, it’s still something that some people don’t “get” - even gay people, even people who aren’t homophobic. They don’t understand it. And you know, as long as they’re open to learning, that can be okay. Everyone has to learn to begin with, and a soap like Emmerdale has the chance to teach people what bisexuality means. They have a chance to show that just because a man or woman is attracted to both/multiple genders, it doesn’t mean they will shag anything with a pulse.

With Robert they had such a unique opportunity to show that this guy - a legacy character, like you said - who has a past of cheating, could finally be happy and faithful now he is with the person he truly loves. Man or woman, Robert has found his soulmate and we all know for a FACT that Robert loves Aaron more than life itself, that he was die for Aaron, or sooner die than be without him. We all know this. This was such a chance to show that Robert had changed. That now he had finally admitted - not just to himself but to others - who he really is (bisexual), and now he has found the person he truly wants to settle down with, there is no need to stray anymore. He’s not running or hiding from himself or from what people think of him. He is an openly bisexual man, crazy in love with another man - a human being who he loves with everything he has - and this is exactly why this is a great big fucking kick in the bollocks. This is where Emmerdale have Fucked Up.

Some will argue that Robert isn’t the best person to use as bi representation. But I’d say he was the perfect person. And of course some bi people cheat, just as gay or straight people cheat. But the problem is, ED have more or less forgotten about the other bi characters in the show (women who have had relationships with other women; Vanessa, Charity and Debbie). But with Robert they really made a point of him being bisexual, they really had him stress it, they really had him stress to Aaron that “being bi doesn’t mean I’ll cheat.”

So just.....why did they do this??? What does this achieve??? This was a storyline that was way too full of drama already; it was fit to burst, there was shit going on left, right and centre. This had the potential to be really great, really heartbreaking in a good way and really eye-opening.

Instead it has turned into a farce. The amount of shit that has been piled onto Aaron is prison is basically misery-porn, and to have Robert sleep with Rebecca after everything? Fuck that. It is beyond lazy. It’s predictable. It’s boring. It’s sloppy and irresponsible and it’s a bloody waste.

But more than that, it’s fucking insensitive. They have a million characters that seem to cheat willy-nilly, why did it have to be the bi bloke, just three weeks after he married the love of his life, and while his husband is suffering literal hell is prison? Like that the actual fuck? What were the storyliners smoking or snorting when they come up with this idea????

I’m upset about this on multiple levels, for multiple reasons. I could make a list as long as my arm about why this was a fucking mistake. But getting a message like this from you is why I am most upset about this. Knowing that this has made your own mother think in this way is horrible (and okay, your mum should make an effort to learn and educate herself more, especially with her own child being bi, but....alas) this honestly breaks my heart. 

Emmerdale had a chance to show that bi people can have a normal relationship, can be faithful and loving and committed, and okay....so Robert apparently thought his marriage was over (I didn’t watch the ep but this is what people have said, even though Aaron never explicitly broke up with him?) but it still looks fucking horrible?? They could at least have had Aaron actually officially break up with him (not that it would suddenly be okay, but at least he’d technically be a free agent?) but nope. It seems, from what I hear, that they wanted Robert to look as bad as humanly possible. And whether or not it’s because ED secretly hate Robert, or want us to hate Robert, or maybe they just hate us fans for some reason, the bottom line is he is BISEXUAL and they did this to him and to us. 

Do ED seriously not realise how fucking insensitive and irresponsible this is? Okay it’s a soap, these things happen, and maybe a year down the line we would feel differently. But to have their only openly bisexual character (I say “only”, but the only one the show remembers anyway) cheat on his husband THREE WEEKS after getting married is FUCKING DISGUSTING.

And they can dress is up and try to fob us off as much as they fucking like by screaming about context and “there’s a lot more to come!!1! xo” like fuck off??? This did not need to happen??? There was already enough going on without this?????

I am fucking fuming and I am so upset for you, and for everyone out there like you, who has been shat all over for cheap entertainments sake (not that it’s even remotely entertaining???? these are the only two Emmerdale episodes I have missed in literal YEARS).

Emmerdale may somehow “fix” Robron in the long run. But they can’t erase what they have done. They have fucked up and I hope they know it. I won’t be voting for them at this years BSA’s, whereas I usually vote for them every year religiously. Not now. They have let themselves down, they have let Robron down, they have let us fans down and they have let thousands of bisexuals down by their fucking shitty writing and crappy predictable plot-device shite which hurts all the more because we all know that they are SO MUCH BETTER than this. 

I am fucking gutted and sick to my stomach and my heart is honestly broken for you, seriously. All I can say is I’m here if you want to chat. I’m so sorry about your mum and I really hope one day she not only understands you and your sexuality, but she understands that she can’t go saying things like that. 

Bless you x

[loverapture-blog1]

obviously.

I BECAME DEPRESSED WHEN I WAS THIRTEEN YEARS OLD WAITING FOR THIS ONE GIRL TO LOVE ME BACK FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF AND WHILE MY PARENTS AND TEACHERS AND PEERS PRESSURED ME TO IMPROVE MY GRADES SO I COULD GET INTO A STUPID CATHOLIC SCHOOL THAT I REALLY FUCKING HATE NOW BUT OH WELL. I HARMED MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I WAS 14 AND I REALLY WANTED TO DIE AND I WOULD'VE KILLED MYSELF IF MY FRIEND HADN'T FOUND OUT AND TALKED ME OUT OF IT. WE'RE NOT REALLY CLOSE ANYMORE. WE DISAGREE ON A LOT OF THINGS. MY MOM TOLD ME LOTS OF HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT BEING A DISGRACE AND A MISTAKE AND UNLOVABLE AND THAT REALLY HURT MY HEART. MY MOM HASN'T BEEN THE SAME EVER SINCE. SOMETHING REALLY CHANGED INSIDE OF HER AND I MISS HER SO MUCH. FRESHMAN YEAR WAS SO WEIRD CAUSE PEOPLE LIKED ME AND IT WAS PRETTY COOL I HAD A COUPLE GIRLFRIENDS IT WAS ALRIGHT BUT THEN I GOT REALLY REALLY SAD CAUSE THE SECOND GIRLFRIEND TOLD ME SHE JUST WANTED TO USE SOMEONE AND I MEANT NOTHING TO HER AND I WAS JUST AN EASY TARGET BECAUSE I'M YOUNGER THAN HER BUT I MEAN WHATEVER RIGHT? ALSO MY PARENTS SEPARATED. MY DAD WENT TO SOME CLAUSTROPHOBIC APARTMENT THAT FELT LIKE THE THROAT OF AN ANACONDA. I STILL REMEMBER THE SMELL OF IT. THE SIGHT OF NOTHING IN THE PANTRY BUT SOME OLD GATORADE AND TORTILLAS. WORST 9 1/2 MONTHS OF MY LIFE. I HATED IT. I WANTED TO MAKE MY DAD HAPPY AND HANG OUT WITH HIM AND STUFF BUT I WAS SO FUCKING DEPRESSED OH MY GOODNESS I WANTED TO SCREAM ALL THE TIME BUT IT FELT LIKE MY THROAT WAS FILLED WITH COTTON. I DID NOTHING BUT STAY IN MY ROOM ON MY LAPTOP. AND MY DAD NEVER COMPLAINED. HE WAS FINE WITH IT. AS LONG AS I WAS IN HIS HOME. MY HEART HURT SO FUCKING HORRIBLY BAD. IT STILL DOES. THE GUILT. I SAW HIM CRY. MANY TIMES. IT HURTS SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. I WAS ALL HE REALLY WANTED THEN AND THERE AND I DECIDED TO DO NOTHING BUT STAY IN MY ROOM. ALL I DID IN THAT ROOM WAS EAT PIZZA, DRINK ARIZONAS, PLAY VIDEOGAMES, JACK OFF, AND CRY, CRY A LOT. THEN AT LIKE ELEVEN AT NIGHT HE WOULD TELL ME "HE'S GONNA HANG OUT WITH HIS OLD DOCTOR FRIEND AT STARBUCKS" YEAH OKAY DAD SURE. I KNEW MY DAD HAD BEEN CHEATING ON MY MOM. I GUESS HE THOUGHT HE COULD JUST LEAVE MY MOM AND THEN GO OFF TO SOME OTHER LADY. BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. THEN MY BEST FRIEND BECAME MY GIRLFRIEND. THEN MY PARENTS GOT BACK TOGETHER. MY GRADES WERE ALRIGHT. I WAS GOING TO THE GYM REGULARLY. EVERYTHING SEEMED OKAY. BUT THEN MY GIRLFRIEND AND I KEPT ARGUING AND SHE KEPT LYING AND I KEPT FALLING FOR IT AND FALLING FOR IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I JUST KINDA WENT ALONG WITH IT. I CRIED A LOT. SHE MADE EVERYTHING WORSE. I STARTED DOING BAD IN MY CLASSES. EVENTUALLY I BROKE UP WITH HER CAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SHE THEN WENT AND TOLD A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT I CHEATED ON HER WITH SOME GIRL FROM TEXAS. THE GIRL IS REAL. THE STORY ISN'T. EVENTUALLY I DID FALL IN LOVE WITH THAT GIRL. I BECAME HER MANAGER CAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE A SINGER. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I COULD CONFIDENTLY SAY I WAS IN LOVE. SHE WAS A DREAM. PERFECT. SHE SANG ME SONGS AND WROTE ME POEMS. I WAS SO CRAZY ABOUT HER. IT WAS PERFECT. SHE WAS GONNA VISIT ME DURING SUMMER. THEN I FOUND OUT SHE WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. THEN SHE KEPT FUCKING WITH MY FEELINGS. I BECAME FRIENDS WITH THE GIRL FROM FRESHMAN YEAR WHO USED ME. I TOLD HER I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF AND SHE IGNORED ME BECAUSE "SHE GOT BORED". THEN I LEFT THE GIRL I WAS IN LOVE WITH BECAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SHE CONTINUED TO TRY AND TALK TO ME. THEN SHE STARTED SOME FAKE RUMORS ABOUT ME BEING SEXIST AND RACIST. THEN A BUNCH OF PEOPLE HATED ME. SHE'S A TERRIBLE PERSON. I HOPE SHE IS OK. SHE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT. THE SONGS OF THAT TIME KEEP REPLAYING IN MY HEAD, EATING AWAY AT THE INSIDE OF MY SKULL LIKE WAVES ERODING A MOUNTAIN. MY CHEST FEELS LIKE IT'S GONNA EXPLODE AND YELLOW PAINT IS GONNA SPLASH EVERYWHERE. THE COLOR YELLOW REMINDS ME OF HER. SKATING REMINDS ME OF HER. PLAYING INSTRUMENTS. WRITING. FLOWERS. MUSIC. EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HER. I TRIED TO MOVE ON. I STILL HAVEN'T COMPLETELY GOTTEN OVER IT. THEN I MET THIS OTHER GIRL. SHE WAS SO CUTE. SHE WAS WONDERFUL IT FELT SO NICE. SHE LIVED IN SACRAMENTO AND WAS SUPPOSED TO COME DOWN AND VISIT ME SOON. THEN I WENT TO EUROPE FOR THREE WEEKS. DURING THE FIRST WEEK OF BEING IN EUROPE THIS NEW GIRL GOT A BOYFRIEND. MY HEART HURT. I MET A REALLY COOL GIRL IN EUROPE. SHE WAS FROM LOS ANGELES AND WE CLICKED. WE WOULD TRY TO GET ALCOHOL EVERY  NIGHT AND GET SHITFACED. IT WAS SO FUN. ONE TIME IN SWITZERLAND I GOT REALLY DRUNK AND THREW UP AND CHIPPED MY TOOTH TRYING TO OPEN A BEER BOTTLE AND MR. BRUNNER SAW ME DRUNK BUT DIDN'T CARE. I LIKED HER AT FIRST BUT THEN WE JUST BECAME FRIENDS. THEN I TOLD HER ABOUT MY MENTAL ILLNESSES. I OPENED UP ABOUT ALL MY DEMONS. THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER TALKED TO HER. SHE LEFT ME AND TOLD ME I'M TOO MUCH OF A RESPONSIBILITY. SHE SAID I'M "TROUBLED". THAT REALLY FUCKING HURT. THAT SAME NIGHT I MET A BEAUTIFUL GIRL FROM A GERMAN SCHOOL BUT SHE WAS THE ONLY AFRICAN GIRL THERE. WE SPENT ALL NIGHT HOLDING HANDS AND RUNNING AROUND. IT WAS SO SWEET AND DREAMLIKE. THEN I MET THIS OTHER GIRL TOWARDS THE END OF THE TRIP. WE HUNG OUT TOGETHER ALL THE TIME. SHE HAD JUST GRADUATED FROM THE SHITTY CATHOLIC SCHOOL THAT I GO TO RIGHT NOW. SHE THOUGHT I WAS SO COOL. I THOUGHT SHE WAS SO CUTE. WE GOT DRUNK ON THE BEACH OF ATHENS AND STEPPED ON SEA URCHINS. SHE ADMITTED SHE LIKED ME. SHE DIDN'T REMEMBER THAT THE NEXT MORNING THOUGH. THEN WE WENT ON A CRUISE IN THE GREEK ISLANDS. WE NAPPED TOGETHER A LOT. WE CUDDLED. WE GOT MANICURES TOGETHER AND GOT MATCHING NAIL POLISH. I WAS SO HAPPY. SHE DREW IN MY JOURNAL. ON THE LAST DAY, WE BOUGHT SOME CHEAP WINE AND WAITED UNTIL NIGHT. WE GOT SUPER DRUNK AND THEN WE GOT ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. "DON'T KISS ME UNTIL WE'RE SOBER" SHE SAID. I OBLIGED. SHE DIDN'T FOLLOW HER OWN RULES THOUGH. SHE KISSED ME. I KISSED HER BACK. I WAS HER FIRST KISS. WE MADE OUT. WE DID SOME OTHER STUFF. I TOOK HER TO HER ROOM. I SLEPT SMELLING HER SHIRT ALL NIGHT. I AM CRYING RIGHT NOW TYPING THIS. THEN WE SPENT THE WHOLE NEXT DAY TRAVELING BACK. SHIP. BUS. PLANE. THE FIRST PLANE RIDE WAS BEAUTIFUL. WE SAT TOGETHER AND KISSED AND CUDDLED. IT WAS TEN HOURS BUT FELT LIKE ONE. THE NEXT  PLANE WAS SHIT. MY STOMACH HURT AND I DIDN'T SIT WITH HER. THEN MY PARENTS PICKED ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT. I SAID GOODBYE TO HER. THEN AT HOME MY PARENTS YELLED AT ME AND TOLD ME IM A DISGRACE FOR PAINTING MY NAILS AND THAT I DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING BUT THE BARE MINIMUM AND THAT THEY ARE ASHAMED OF ME AND THAT IT INFURIATES THEM THAT I CAN'T JUST BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I STAYED DATING THAT GIRL. WE HUNG OUT A COUPLE TIMES. SHE EVENTUALLY BECAME VERY MANIPULATIVE AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. I LEFT HER. THEN I WAS SINGLE FOR A BIT. THEN OF COURSE I STARTED DATING SOMEONE ELSE. MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND. I LOVE HER! SHE ISN'T ABUSIVE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! SHE'S GREAT. SHE IS PERFECT SO FAR. BUT SHE HAS HER OWN TROUBLES AND I FEEL BAD CAUSE I CAN'T HELP HER. REWIND TO A FEW WEEKS AFTER I GOT BACK FROM THE EUROPE TRIP. JUNIOR YEAR STARTED. I WAS FAIRLY CONFIDENT. THEN EVERYTHING WENT DOWNHILL. REALLY FAST. I STARTED FAILING. I BECAME MORE AND MORE DEPRESSED. I HATED MYSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND ME. I TOLD MY PARENTS I'M DEPRESSED. THEY DIDN'T CARE. I TOLD THEM AGAIN. THEY DIDN'T CARE. I TOLD THEM ONE MORE TIME. THE DIDN'T CARE AT ENOUGH. I STARTED SMOKING WEED. A LOT OF IT. CONSTANTLY. I LOVED IT. WEED IS GREAT, BUT IT BECAME A DEPENDENCY. THEN ONE DAY I HAD A BREAKDOWN AT SCHOOL AND I WENT TO MY TEACHER BECAUSE I WOULD'VE KILLED MYSELF IF I DIDN'T. SHE TOLD ME SOME KIND WORDS THEN CALLED MY MOM. MY MOM CAME. WE WENT TO AN OFFICE AND DISCUSSED SOME STUFF ABOUT SCHOOL AND DEPRESSION WITH THIS ONE GUY AND THIS ONE REALLY NICE BUT ANNOYING WHITE LADY. MY DAD CAME. I FELT BETTER. I WENT HOME. THEN MY PARENTS YELLED AT ME AND WE GOT IN A HUGE UGLY ARGUMENT. THEY GOT MAD AT ME FOR SEEKING HELP.

"THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU AT SCHOOL! THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR."

"BUT DAD, IT'S NOT EASY TELLING YOUR PARENTS THAT YOU WANNA KILL YOURSELF."

"YOU EMBARASSED US, YOU HURT OUR FEELINGS."

"DAD I WANNA DIE PLEASE I NEED HELP."

"FUCK YOU! YOU'RE SELFISH AND YOU DON'T LOVE US!"

THE WHITE LADY TOLD MY PARENTS THAT I NEED A PAPER FROM A PSYCHOLOGIST SAYING THAT I WON'T HURT MYSELF OR OTHERS TO BE ABLE TO ATTEND SCHOOL AGAIN. THEN THE NEXT DAY MY PARENTS DID A RANDOM DRUG TEST ON ME. THEN THAT NIGHT THEY CONFRONTED ME ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY SAW THAT I HAD BEEN CONSUMING WEED. THEY ARE OLD AND UNEDUCATED ON IT SO THEY THINK IT'S LIKE METH. THAT MADE THE WHOLE THING VERY DIFFICULT. THEN I BROKE DOWN AGAIN. I STARTED TELLING THEM HOW BAD I WANTED TO DIE. THEN MY DAD HELD ME AND TOLD ME HE LOVED ME. A VOICE IN MY HEAD TOLD ME NOT TO BELIEVE HIM. I COMPLIED. THE NEXT DAY MY SISTERS CAME TO THE HOUSE. THEY ALL TALKED TO ME AND TOLD ME THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL IF I WASN'T READY. THEY KEPT DEMONIZING MEDICATION TO SCARE ME BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO GIVE ME THE MEDICATION I SO DESPERATELY HAVE BEEN NEEDING FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS. THEY KEPT ME PRISONER AT HOME. THEY FORCED ME TO JOIN A BOXING CLUB. THEY TOOK AWAY MY PRIVILEDGES. THEN THE SCHOOL CALLED AND SAID I HAD TO GO BACK. I GOT A NOTE. THEY DECLINED IT. I GOT ANOTHER NOTE. THEY DECLINED THAT ONE TOO. THEN I GOT ANOTHER ONE AND I'M BACK IN SCHOOL. I HATE IT. I'M SWITCHING SCHOOLS NEXT SEMESTER. BUT I NEED TO TRY AND RAISE MY GRADES FOR NOW. I AM NOT CURRENTLY SUICIDAL. BUT I AM SAD. VERY SAD. STILL DEPRESSED (OBVIOUSLY).

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League of America #3

Whatever the Greek word is for the cover of this comic book, I'm a that-phile.

I'm going to try this line at the Karaoke Bar next week!

The people of Kravia start brewing rebellion. It's a lot like making a melting pot except more violent and with less racial epithets. Also, the melting pot thing was actually pretty violent. It turned out a lot of people just wanted Eggs Benedict. Actually, the ingredients in Eggs Benedict are probably too melting potty itself! It just sounds so white! So, um, anyway, the rebels (two people, so far!) are sitting around a bar discussing how they're going to oust Lord Havok when Batman and the Justice League of America stroll in and are all, "Is this where the revolution is brewing?! We're here to advance our own interests in the guise of helping!" It's too bad Lord Havok doesn't have a World's Greatest Detective on The Extremists or he could have sussed out the rebellion himself. Batman is so smart to know where to find these political hooligans!

Lobo's kneepad looks like an eighth member peering through the door. "Hello there! Mr. Skully-Stars here! I'm British!"

Apparently Lobo tracked Bogna to her hidden den of rebellion. He makes sure to point it out before uninformed morons like me start giving Batman all the credit. I'm sorry, Mr. Lobo! I don't know what I was thinking! Why am I still giving credit to Batman? It's obvious you manipulated him into forming this team so you can have a nice relaxing vacation on Earth. And as a good guy, maybe you'll get to date Wonder Woman too! Dammit. Now I want a Lobo team up book in the style of The Brave and the Bold. But he only teams up with female heroes who have become sexually intrigued by him! I hope what I just typed in that last sentence doesn't mean he did something disgusting to their buttholes. By sexually intrigued, I just meant they were interested in finding out what he has to offer in the love bathroom. Hmm, that sounded even more like something disgusting just happened to somebody's butthole. I'm so turned on right now! You know what two words I can't stand? Capital and capitol. Stop purposefully trying to be confusing⁴! The rebellion's only request of the Justice League of America is to overthrow Havok and The Extremists. After that, they'll take care of the rest. I thought Bogna was going to be way too proud to ask the Justice League of America to do practically everything! The nerve! While the rebellion foments, Lord Havok visits the neighboring countries to tell him all about his open palm slash fist metaphor. One of the countries he visits is Zandia and he's all, "This place sucks in this timeline. Get it together, Rebirth!" I don't recognize any of the other countries. That means they're probably real! Remember how I just figured out last issue that The Extremists were parodies of Marvel heroes? I just remembered it myself! And that also means that the cover is even more exciting than I first thought! It's a rematch between Lobo and Wolverine (albeit a lousy parody Wolverine but I'm honoring the sentiment!). And this time the fight had better not take place off panel behind a bar! And also, Lobo had better win! What a stupid rip-off that last fight was. Nobody really believed Wolverine could beat Lobo. The vote was rigged! It was all politics! It was a popularity vote! If comic book fans had the ability to use logic and not just their nerd boners for certain characters, it would have been totally obvious to the Wolverine fans that the Lobo fans were being totally logical and scientific in voting for Lobo to win.

Gross. His world must stink. Also, how can you trace any scent when you can smell everything?! I'm surprised Tracer can speak or use a toilet since most of his brain must be used in sorting scents.

I hope Lobo wins the battle by farting directly into his face. The only fight I want to read about now is the battle between Lobo and Tracer. All those flexing muscles! Maybe a bit of clothing torn off in just the right spots to see a little inner buttock or maybe the slight wrinkling of a scrotum! Nipples hard and quivering through the sweat of physical exertion! Their lips coming closer and closer as they threaten each other with outrageous tortures! Oh man. I'm so turned on right now! Killer Frost and The Atom battle Death Bat (who just killed her teammate Brute who had been sent to kill her for being weak. Ha ha. Who's weak now, et tu Brute? Did that sound intelligent?). It's the worst battle because Death Bat does that thing where a comic book villain knows more than they should know so that they can use it against the heroes. So she happens to know that none of the team really trusts Killer Frost and tries to use that to make Killer Frost doubt herself. Instead, Killer Frost is all, "I've changed! And you can change too! I mean, people seem to accept a hero with the name Killer Frost. Death Bat probably won't go over too bad either!" Black Canary fights Gorgon and judging by his tentacle hair, it's bound to be the sexiest fight of them all.

Hee hee. Eyes up. He's looking at her cleavage! Or, at the very least, I'm looking at her cleavage!

What's with female super heroes in cool boots refusing to lace them? Is that a form of martial arts I don't know about? Like drunken style? Tripping over your laces fu? The Ray battles Dreamslayer although it's not much of a battle. It's more of a therapy session. Ray is all, "Why aren't you being as mean and violent as the rest?" And Dreamslayer is all, "Because I'm afraid of the monster that I might become!" And The Ray is all, "You're gay, right?" And Dreamslayer is all, "Kiss me!" Okay, maybe that scene only happened in my Masturbationarium.

Wink, wink!

Batman, Vixen, and the Rebellion go after Lord Havok on the throne. When they break into the throne room to punch him in the face, he's all, "I've already won! I made diplomatic deals with the surrounding nations that were only based on about 95% threats! That means they'll stand behind me and not you! I mean...that's how it works, right? Wait. Did I miscalculate?" And he did miscalculate but not in the way he was thinking. He miscalculated by not killing Batman in the first issue and then by not keeping an eye on Batman ever since that moment and then by not realizing Batman had infiltrated his inner sanctum! Idiot. Batman steals Havok's shield off of his back so he can stand there looking like Captain America. You know, just in case Steve Orlando had to sell this script to Marvel! Oh, and Lobo's battle with Tracer lasted one panel where Lobo put out his cigar in Tracer's eye. That was almost as bad as the fight behind the bar and the hand reaching up for the cigar to indicate who won! Which could have been either Lobo or Wolverine, so it shows the scene was already written long before the votes were tallied! All it needed was the colorist to choose the correct palette! The Ranking! Obviously this is the best comic book DC is currently publishing. Obviously that is an objective assessment and not the rantings of a total Lobo fanboy. _________________________________ ¹As long as that person is white. ²I'm Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea, dammit! Grandmaster Comic Book Reader! ³I'll let you come up with the metaphor because I don't want a bunch of offended people trying to ruin my life. I mean, I can think up some really offensive metaphors! So bad! They're in their right now, dancing around inside my mind doing the most horrible things to each other. So terrible! ⁴Of course, just like every other confusing thing in English, it only takes a brief overview to clear up the confusion forever. So people who don't know when to use who and whom are just being purposefully ignorant! And I know purposefully ignorant!

[fuzzysocksandlegoblocks]

Drugs pt. 1

i’ve come to the realization that drugs definately aren’t for me. I can barely handle alcohol, and after last night I can’t even handle weed, I don’t think I ever want to explore drugs. One night, I went to my friends younger sisters high school graduation party. She was a year younger than me, so I didn’t know too many of her friends, but I still went for moral support. We had been drinking since 6pm, and by 10pm we were all on a good level. I would’ve been beyond content staying on that level, sipping a beer, enjoying the night, but like they say, nothing good ever lasts long. One of the eighteen people at the party just had to bring out the weed, and my drunk ass thought it would be a good idea to indulge in it. so, i did the weed and i’ve pretty much never felt so strange in my life as i did during the first hour of the high. i had so much anxiety. the type of anxiety where you literally wanted to pull the hair off of your head, and you forget how to breathe. i didn’t know what to do and so i walked myself to my friends bedroom. i had to be by myself, I had to figure it out by myself because the independence factor in me is way too strong. At this point, i just couldn’t handle the party scene, i could barely handle myself. Anyways, after sitting there for probably a half hour, staring at my phone, and hyperventilating, i decided it would be a good idea to call my ex boyfriend.  Of course this wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made, but he knew how to handle my nerves, he’s always been there for me, even when we weren’t together, and that’s something that I really admire about him. But anyways, I drove a block and a half to see him, and i don’t really know how i did it to be very honest.I definitely shouldn’t have driven, but there was no way I could’ve stayed at that party, and I didn’t know how to explain to him exactly where I was (my thinking was impaired because i was high). So, I got to his house safely, thank god, and I got out of my car before he could even get in. I stood in the middle of the road and told him that he was driving. i was freaking out, but he didn’t hold that night against me, and he knew exactly how to calm me down. i don’t remember that much of our conversation but i remember making him listen to indian music, and I GAVE HIM HEAD TO A SONG TITLED “ya baba” which translates to “ oh father” in arabic, and he is Arab. Who wants to be thinking about their father or the lord while engaging themselves in sexual activities, absolutely no one. I am such a shitty person for that, but in my defense I didn’t know what it translated to at the time. oops. Now, at the time, it was Ramadan, and during Ramadan, people who fast for it aren’t supposed to be sexually active during the month. So, not only was he a trooper for dealing with my music ordeal, he also broke his fast for me. But, I managed to fuck that up too and i accidentally implied a racial slur by saying “its ramadan, aren’t you supposed to be eating right now?” ok. like, its definitely close to midnight at this point. i know for a fact that people don’t spend all night eating, so then why would i imply that I was culturally uneducated and make myself look like a dumbass? Now, on top of all of this I remember telling him that i trust him because he’s not connected to me in the real world and that somehow makes me feel safe.Thats so rude of me to say like “oh hey, I trust you and dated you because you have no mutual friends, so basically even if you wanted to tell people my secrets or talk shit about me, it wouldn’t matter because nobody that you know knows who I am.” I WAS SO RUDE AND SO NOT MYSELF THIS NIGHT. But again, he was a trooper and so he agreed with the statement “gang gang” and my under-educated-in the field of black american teenagers vocabulary-self replied: we can’t be a two person gang. but he assured me that we could, he knew how to make me feel safe. Okay, so then, I made it even worse, and I TOLD HIM THAT HIS BROTHER WAS HOTTER THAN HIM. This isn’t even true, my ex is literally so hot. Out of all of the people I’ve been with, he definitely wins in the attraction field. This boy is so beautiful its physically painful. Anyways, after all of this had happened, we had sex, because I was calming down, and he’s always told me that he wanted me to experience having sex high because its absolutely amazing. Let me tell you, words can’t describe how intense everything feels, and how out of this world your body feels. Probably one of the best sexual interactions I’ve ever had, but besides the point.  So after we finished, both of us had to get dressed, and during this process I somehow managed to put my dress on inside out. The shitty part is that  i even asked him how my outfit looked, and he said i looked good. Now, I don’t know if he actually meant that and just couldn’t tell that my dress was on inside out because it was dark outside, or if he knew my outfit was fucked up and purposely didn’t tell me because of all the shitty things I had done earlier in the night. But regardless, I had no clue that my dress was inside out at this point and it was time to part our own separate ways. I went back to the party, and he went back home. I WALKED INTO THE PARTY WITH MY DRESS ON INSIDE OUT. and thank god my friends sister was the first person i saw, because that would’ve been the worst thing ever to have a whole bunch of people that I didn’t even know see me in an inside out dress. i ran to the bathroom, and fixed it, although, I’m nearly positive that at least a handful of people saw. I never want to be high again

[thehauntinghq-blog]

“My name is CAMERON HOLMES, and I’m from the land of the dead. I died when I was THIRTY-THREE years old, and have been dead for THREE YEARS. But now, I’m creeping back through the veil – and no one knows why. People say I look a lot like AIDAN TURNER, but I don’t see it. Currently, I am OPEN.”

+ resourceful, witty, laid-back, observant, quick-thinking

- self-serving, dishonest, disloyal, self-destructive, sarcastic

BIOGRAPHY

Cameron has always lived under terrible circumstances, and has always coped with them in the best ways he knows how -- booze, drugs, and a pitch-black sense of humor. He was born homeless, and both of his parents were out of the picture by the time he was twelve -- his father thrown in prison for murder and his mother dead. From then on, Cameron was on his own. He’s never been to any sort of school, but don’t think that means he isn’t smart. He is. Very smart, and resourceful, too. He had to be, if he wanted to survive in the world. Bouncing between various homeless shelters, Cameron grew up learning how to lie through his teeth, cheat his way into whatever he wanted, and steal whatever he needed. Cameron would gladly rob from either the cradle or the grave, if it meant he could eat that night. The main thing he’s learned from his experiences is that he always, always had to put himself above all others -- God knows no one else ever would. Cameron would never stick his neck out for someone else, even his dearest friend. The way he sees it, people that stick their necks out tend to get themselves killed. Of course, this attitude didn’t earn Cameron many friends. Partners in crime, sure, but not friends. Cameron did his best to convince himself he was okay with that, but his life was a lonely one, and often, a very empty one. He always knew that he’d never have someone to come home to at night, or even a home to go to in the first place. Like many others he knew in the shelters, Cameron was both an alcoholic, a chain smoker, and a heroin addict by the time he was twenty-one, and more often than not, what little money he did manage to get his hands on would go up his veins. He could be downright terrifying when he was in withdrawal and getting desperate, and there’s almost no line he wouldn’t cross to get his next fix. Cameron was always in trouble, frequently being brought in by the police for fighting, trespassing, public drunkenness, or otherwise being a thorn in society’s side, but hardly any charges were ever able to stick, though every cop in town knew who he was, and hated his guts. Cameron hated them right back, of course. They would always tell him to “better himself,” but Cameron just laughed at the idea. He was clever, sure, but vastly uneducated -- Cameron’s the sort of guy who can explain three different ways to pick a lock, figure out how to break into a building just from a quick glance, and how to make two days worth of food last a week, but he’s also the sort of guy that can’t do any math beyond the most basic arithmetic, has only read a handful of books in his life, and isn’t sure what the capital of West Virginia is or why he should care. One of his few non-illegal talents, however, is storytelling. Whether they’re true or ones he made up, Cameron can captivate an audience of any age, size, or background with his stories, always having a natural knack for knowing the perfect rhythm, the perfect wording, the perfect timing of telling a tale. And he enjoyed it, too, often killing time in the shelters and entertaining the other degenerates with his anecdotes -- most often, crazy things that have actually happened to him over the years, making his circumstances seem less horrific with his sense of humor. Cameron’s always made jokes, no matter how tasteless, about his shitty luck and lifestyle, knowing it was either laugh, cry, or go crazy. Truth be told, Cameron did a bit of all three, when he wasn’t wasted into oblivian. Finally, at the ripe old age of thirty-three, Cameron overdosed, and was found dead in an alleyway, a used needle on the ground next to him. No one was surprised, least of all Cameron himself.

RELATIONSHIPS

Molly Cambridge: A living, mortal girl that can see and speak to Cameron. Cameron remembers seeing her from time to time as she grew up in homeless shelters and at community dinners. Molly, like Cameron, has been homeless her entire life, and like Cameron, has been entirely on her own. Cameron never paid her much mind when he was alive -- children of all ages irritate him. Now that he’s dead, however, Cameron’s found Molly to be surprisingly good company. Even if she is beyond crazy. Years of being alone in the worst parts of Specter have worn on Molly’s sanity, but Cameron doesn’t hold that against her. Hell, he’s never been the sanest man around, himself. Cameron often tells Molly his stories; she’s a wonderful audience, laughing and gasping at all the right times, not minding if he tells the same ones twice. When he’s not doing that, he’s assisting her in pickpocketing and robbing people, telling her when it’s all clear and when no one’s looking. In spite of his selfishness and general apathy towards others, Cameron’s found himself developing a sort of paternal affection for her. Though he’s the first to admit he’s not a great role model -- the last thing he wants is for Molly to get involved in drugs and end up like him. Still, despite her intelligence and ingenuity, Cameron hasn’t encouraged her to get an education and get out of her circumstances. He knows it’s selfish, but he doesn’t want to lose the alliance he has with Molly. Just once in his miserable existence, Cameron feels needed. He’s convinced that if Molly manages to better herself, she won’t need him any longer. 

Andrew Aeron: One of Cameron’s usual dealers, back when they were both alive. Andrew, like Cameron, was down on his luck and without his parents at a young age, but handled it with less humor and more cynicism. Cameron always sensed that Andrew was disgusted by him, but he didn’t care -- so long as Andrew got him his heroin, he could think whatever he wanted to. Even when Andrew wasn’t selling to him, the two saw a lot of each other, since they both would be at any free meals the local churches were having. Slowly, the two began to get used to each other, and Cameron did genuinely enjoy his company. If nothing else, it was always fun to get a rise out of him. Now that they’re both dead and back in Specter, Cameron’s asked how Andrew died, but Andrew tells him to piss off. Cameron’s perceptive enough to guess, though -- he’s always known Andrew isn’t the most mentally stable person in the world, and he also knows that the loss of his younger sister may have driven him to do something... drastic. He hasn’t said so, though. Both because he feels it’s none of his business, and because he knows Andrew would punch him.

Annie Aeron: Annie was Andrew’s little sister, and one of the very few children that didn’t grate on Cameron’s nerves. Of course, she did at first, though he knew she wasn’t really a bad kid. So he tried to play nice with her when Andrew offered him a deal; if he walked Annie home from school and hung out with her in the apartment so she wouldn’t be alone all day, he could sleep on their couch when it was too cold to sleep outside, and get some free food, too. Never one to turn down free board and bed, Cameron agreed, and began to spend a lot of time with Annie. Although he found her to be overly-cheery and obnoxious, he did like her, and it was sort of nice to have someone that actually seemed to like having him around. And, hey, she was a pretty good cook for her age. He viewed Annie as being the closest thing to a sister he’s ever had, and teased her just the same, though he did genuinely care about her on some level. When he passed back through the veil, Cameron was surprised and somewhat saddened to see Annie had died, but he does his best to pretend like nothing has changed. He still tells her stories, still hangs out with her, and still teases her to high heaven.

Jackson Glass: A fellow ghost and fellow degenerate. Cameron isn’t a nice guy by any means, but Jackson makes him look like downright “take home to mama” material. Cameron doesn’t like or trust Jackson, but the two frequent the same places around Specter, so he’s gotten used to him. He frequently cracks jokes or tells stories, trying to see if he can get a laugh or even a smile out of him. He hasn’t. Jackson treats Cameron with thinly-veiled contempt, but that’s fine -- so does most everyone else. Cameron fears very few things, but even he’s a bit wary of Jackson. He’s willing to hang out with him sometimes, but some instinct warns him off getting too close.