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the-case-book-of-fanfiction · 2 months ago

Text

When Gods Listen

Ship: Astarion Ancunin x female!Durge/reader

Summary: Astarion is hit by a memory spell mid-combat. You fear what will happen to him, but Astarion only knows he woke with the answer to his prayers looking down at him.

Word Count: 6,162 words

Warnings: post Astarion's first romance scene, descriptions of battle, Astarion's past, typical Durge thoughts, temporary memory loss, temporary amnesia, Gale being helpful, vampire feeding, a cliche 'oh. oh.' moment, kissing, unspoken confession

Note: Reader is based on my drow half-ef Durge, Nixu, but remains from the second-person perspective with only brief & vague mention of her appearance. My first time writing Durge (resisting), so let me know what you think!

☟ Continue below the fold ☟

How long had you been fighting? Ten minutes? An hour? Gods, you didn't know. You couldn't focus on anything other than the weapon in your hand, the number of arrows in your quiver, and the spells you had prepared. Letting your focus stray to your companions had already cost you, proven by the blood running down your arm and the claws that had torn your pants to shreds.

Need new armor, you thought as you slammed a dagger into a goblin's throat. The creature gurgled and clawed at your hands, leaving behind red scratches, until you yanked out the blade. The goblin fell to the blood-soaked ground with a wet thud.

Shadowheart screamed behind you. You heard the snarl of a wolf and turned to find one lunging for her, the cleric frozen in fear. You reached for your bow; Gale was faster, sending a Fire Bolt at the wolf. It snarled and turned on Gale.

You strung an arrow to your bow. You had four left, including this one. Your shot would have to be incredibly precise if you didn't want to get any closer to the wolf; you didn't have enough arrows for do-overs.

Taking aim, you drew back your string, taking a deep breath. Easy does it, you told yourself.

The wolf's body tensed. It sat back on its haunches, ready to lunge for Gale. He was in the middle of preparing a spell; it wouldn't be ready by the time the wolf's jaws were around his throat.

An arrow flew directly into the wolf's jugular. You blinked. Had you loosed your arrow? No. It remained in your fingers, notched to your bowstring.

Your eyes sought out the arrow's source and landed on a pair of red eyes creeping out of the shadows. Astarion slipped out of hiding, his face stony. He held his own bow. He stared down the wolf until it collapsed with a pitiful whine.

Both Gale and Shadowheart turned to other enemies, knives flashing and spells meeting their targets.

There was a horrid howl from somewhere on the battlefield. You whirled toward the sound and found an irate human hurrying down the rocky hill. You guessed the howl had been the wolf's name, then, and this was its owner.

"Astarion!" you shouted. "Behind you!" You pointed in the direction of the approaching human—a wizard, by the looks of her.

Astarion turned and dropped into a crouch. She began summoning a spell; you recognized it as a memory spell. Temporary, but all-encompassing. Before Astarion could hide, the spell hit him square in the chest.

Dread coiled in your stomach. Astarion stumbled backwards, a hand coming to touch his chest. Then his body went rigid. You weren't close enough to see it, but you knew his eyes had glazed over.

Astarion glanced around, clearly confused as to how he had ended up in a battle.

"Shit," you muttered.

He'd be easy to kill in this state, you thought. All too easy to stab in the brain and watch the blood run into his eyes. Ugly desire curled through your stomach, a desperate need to gut him from the inside out settling in your chest.

You blinked and the urge was gone. You glanced around you, expecting your butler, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Gods, why can't the urges be something simple, like wanting him whimpering beneath me again?

You started toward Astarion. Goblins swarmed you. You cast a poison spray across them and cut them down as quickly as you could. You looked up to find the wizard whispering in Astarion's ear. He turned toward Gale and Shadowheart, expressed pulled into confusion.

A goblin clawed at you, trying to climb your legs. You shook it off and slammed your knee into its face. You looked up again and found Astarion with an arrow pointed at Shadowheart's back. You shouted a warning.

"What the hells is he doing?!" she shouted.

Gale frowned at Astarion. "Amnesia," he said. "She messed with his memory."

All eyes widened in horror as the woman gave Astarion an order: "Kill." He loosed his arrow and Shadowheart just narrowly dodged it. Astarion readied another.

"He's under her command," Gale said.

You jumped to a higher vantage point. "Can we stop the spell?"

"Not the memory spell, that will take time to fade," he reasoned, "but if we kill her, she can't command him to kill us."

"Great," you said. "Now I have a plan."

The wizard shrieked with laughter. She turned around, her hands spread, a sneer on her face. "You'll never kill me," she snarled. "I'm far more powerful than—"

She fell with a thud, your arrow buried in her heart. You jumped to the ground and looked down at her where she lay, gurgling and glaring at you. You cocked your head. "You should know better than to expose yourself to attack, wizard. Now I will make your head a statement piece."

Without thinking, you drew your knife. Yet you froze when you heard Gale give a shout. You looked up and found an arrow—one of Astarion's—in his shoulder. The wizard could make no more orders, but her last command was still standing. He was still attacking the others.

"No time for that now," you said to the corpse. You left it where it lay and ran toward Astarion. As you got closer, you realized he looked incredibly confused about having shot Gale.

Gravel crunched under your feet, sliding out from underneath you. You slipped to a halt in front of him. "Astarion? You okay?"

He flinched as your hand came to rest on his shoulder. He shrugged off your touch. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"I'm..." The words died on your lips. What were the two of you? Gods knew there wasn't really a label for whatever it was the two of you had. Would he even believe it if you tried to explain it, while the memory spell lasted? "I'm your friend. We met on the road. We stuck together with Gale and Shadowheart here and the others back at camp to get rid of the tadpoles."

Astarion looked at you, studying you with a gaze as guarded as it had been when you'd first met him. "I don't..."

"You've been hit by a memory spell, a very powerful one," you told him, resisting the urge to grab his hand. "It's given you temporary amnesia."

"Why are we fighting?" he rasped. "I... I don't know who to... She told me to fight you." He glanced back at the body. He seemed to be panicking a little now. "But then you killed her and now I... I don't want to kill you anymore."

"You don't have to," you promised. "You don't have kill us, Astarion, we're your friends."

"No, not them," he said. "Just you."

He raised his bow, an arrow already prepared and aimed for Gale's heart. You grabbed the bow, wrenching it from his hands and throwing it to the ground. He growled, deep and animalistic. His eyes flashed a brighter red and his lip pulled back from his fangs. They dripped with saliva.

Such a pretty monster, you thought. It will be a shame to rip out his heart.

But you didn't follow your urge. Instead, you slammed the pommel of your dagger into the side of his head. His eyes rolled back into his head and he crumpled to the ground.

Gale shouted at you, utterly horrified. "What was that for?"

"He was going to kill you," you said. "I don't think there's anything we could have said that would stop him." You glared across the battlefield. "Let's deal with the rest of this and get him back to camp."

Shadowheart yanked the arrow out of Gale's shoulder and healed him quickly. You watched his skin knit back together with a strange fascination that tingled beneath your own skin, like you'd felt it before...

The rest of the goblins and wolves felt like they took no time at all. You were aware, of course, that your sense of time was disrupted by your worry; every so often, you cast a look toward Astarion's crumpled body, passed out but corpse-like for his lack of breathing. A discomforting desire shuddered through you at the sight.

He is my friend, you told the need in your gut that told you to kill him twice over. He trusts me. I will not hurt him.

Yet you weren't so sure you could trust yourself to keep that promise.

When enemies finally stopped swarming, you went back to the wizard's corpse. You dug through her pockets for anything useful. You found several amulets imbued with powerful magic and plenty of scrolls. You took her weapons without much thought; you could inspect them later, but you had more important matters to begin with.

"Is he alright?" Gale asked as you knelt beside Astarion.

"He should be," you said. "I didn't hit him that hard."

"Something tells me he won't be too pleased about that when he wakes up," Shadowheart said.

"If he remembers it, that is," Gale said. The wizard sounded the most worried you'd ever heard him. "That was a powerful memory adjustment spell."

You frowned. "It is temporary, isn't it?"

"I certainly hope so. For his sake and for ours," Gale replied. "Here. Let's get him back to camp. It's too dangerous to continue on with him like this."

Gale cast a levitation spell and Astarion's body rose. His face was obscenely peaceful and it dawned on you just how tortured he usually looked when he tranced. You cocked your head, wondering just how deep that memory spell was going.

A hand fell on your arm. "Is everything alright?" Shadowheart asked.

"I'm fine," you said. "Just thinking." You cleared your throat, tearing your eyes away from Astarion's slack face. "Come on. We've got a lot of ground to cover, and not a lot of daylight left."

~❊~

Astarion felt like he was...swimming? Maybe. Everything was fuzzy. His mind felt bizarrely empty and way too full at the same time. He saw nothing through his heavy, closed eyelids. Try as he might, he couldn't get them to open.

A sense of urgency was sitting in his chest. He had something to do, didn't he? He'd been...

The feeling of whatever it was, of holding something light and curved, of pulling his arm back and letting go, disappeared back into the murk.

Frustration bloomed in Astarion's mind. What was going on? Was this a trick of Cazador's?

Oh, there! That was...something. A person? Yes, an unpleasant person. Someone he was rather upset to have remembered, even if it meant at least there was something in this useless head of his.

A vile taste filled Astarion's mouth, like rat's blood and salty bodily fluids. Somehow, Astarion knew it was because of the person he despised so completely. Yet how?

Sudden hunger curled through Astarion's stomach. He groaned, clutching at his stomach. I have to hunt, he thought, but he still couldn't get his eyes open. Trying only pushed him further into the thick, liquid blackness that surrounded him.

Help, Astarion tried to say. His mouth remained closed. Someone help, someone get me out of here. Gods, please, get me out!

The silence of his mind answered him.

Astarion whimpered, curling into a ball. I'm so hungry, Master, he whined, but only one rough word came out, nearly lost in his throat. Once again, he was dragged back into darkness.

~❊~

"Astarion's not doing so hot."

Karlach's voice roused you from the thoughts swimming in your head. You sat back on your haunches, somewhat surprised to see the weapons you'd been sorting through from today's battles still in front of you in a heap. Had you gotten so lost in your thoughts you'd stopped working?

Never mind that, tend to the pretty corpse, you told yourself. You stood up, ignoring the saliva gathering on your tongue. "How so?"

"He's tossing and turning, groaning in his sleep," she said, chewing on her nails, glancing in the direction of the trancing elf.

"I'll check on him," you said.

You walked across camp toward Astarion's tent. When you'd gotten back to camp, Shadowheart had thought it wisest to keep him in view of everyone, just in case something went wrong, so Astarion currently lay on your own bedroll in front of his tent.

You could see Astarion's sleep had become fitful. He had tossed and turned so much that he'd thrown off the blanket he took everywhere that you'd put over him. His hair was beyond messy. His eyebrows were pinched together and he was panting unnecessarily.

A soft groan slipped past his lips as he rolled to one side, desperately hugging his arms to his stomach. You cocked your head. Was his hunger causing him to stir?

"At least we know I didn't kill him knocking him out," you said.

Karlach opened her mouth but was interrupted by Astarion's whimper. The two of you both looked at him again, concerned. "Master," he rasped.

Your body stiffened. You had a sudden need to keep Karlach away, sure these babblings were not something Astarion would want anyone to hear.

Why are you not also leaving him be? you asked yourself. You decided against answering that question.

"I'll keep an eye on him," you promised her.

Karlach gave you a curious look, then nodded. She turned away and headed back across camp.

You sat down beside Astarion. You peered down at him, his face fixed into an expression of pain.

Poor creature, you thought.

Astarion gave another whine of hunger, curling into the fetal position. Your own face pinched into an expression of sympathy. You took your dagger from its sheath and pricked your finger on it. With your free hand, you held open Astarion's mouth, then hovered your bleeding finger over it.

Achingly slowly, the blood dripped into Astarion's mouth.

~❊~

Food.

A sharp, iron tang filled his senses. He could smell it, so close he was sure if he could just convince his body to move through the sluggish black around him that he would be able to taste it—

Blood hit his tongue, the taste of a single droplet bringing saliva that coated his jaws. Another drop followed. One after the other, droplets of blood collected on his tongue. Somehow, he found it within himself to swallow.

Astarion knew this blood. The taste was oddly familiar, though it wasn't part of his regular diet. No, this was not the blood of bugs and rats—this was the blood of a thinking creature. One he'd feasted from before.

Master will torture me for this, he thought. Master will write more poetry on my skin.

But Astarion no longer found it in him to care. As more blood dripped into his mouth, he swallowed it down with enthusiasm.

Strength returned to his limbs. The hunger that plagued him constantly began to subside, easing into something bearable. Old aches and pains disappeared.

There you go, Astarion, a female voice said. She sounded close—and worried. Just drink. It will help.

Astarion obeyed on instinct. He knew this voice. It was uncannily familiar, the kind of voice he'd listen to for hours just to keep hearing it. Yet...where had he heard it? Was this a victim, coming back to haunt his memories? It certainly wasn't one of his sisters...

With a full belly, restlessness took over. Astarion quickly grew bored of the dark surrounding him. He shifted, the movement slowly bringing him back into his body. He huffed impatiently.

Are you coming back to me? the voice asked, accompanied by a soft touch on his cheek. A brief moment of silence followed, then— You're scaring the others, Little Star.

Astarion tensed. That name. No one called him that. His siblings knew better and his victims never got close enough, so...

A hand slipped into his hair. Panic took over. Astarion's scalp tingled. He anticipated pain to follow.

Something within him snapped—

~❊~

Astarion's eyes opened the same time the thread within him grew too taut. He lurched upward, a snarl on his lips. He bared his teeth, prepared to rip out the throat of whomever had touched him—

"Easy!" It was the same voice. The hand left his hair and pushed him back to the ground. A figure appeared over him. "It's just me!"

The voice stopped him. Astarion let himself be pushed back down—surprisingly gently, with only one hand on his shoulder. He focused on the figure above him and slowly your features come into focus.

You're...beautiful. Your hair has been pulled out of the way, leaving the concern and worry on your face clear to his eyes. Your eyes were wide, but you didn't seem to be afraid of him. In fact, the look on your face suggested you know his dangers all too well.

You were the answer to every prayer he'd always been too scared to voice.

Slowly, Astarion relaxed. You looked instantly relieved.

"It's me," you said again, calmer now. "Do you remember me yet?"

You lifted your hand to his cheek. Astarion could smell the blood on it—the same blood he'd just tasted. He turned toward it and saw the small slice in your finger.

"You fed me?" he asked.

You nodded. "Of course I did, Astarion."

Astarion flinched. "How do you know my name?"

Disappointment flickered in your eyes. "I'll take that as a no," you sighed. Only then did Astarion realize you'd asked him a question. "We travel together, Star. With our friends. So that we can get the tadpoles out of our heads?" You spoke slowly, trying to give him time to catch up.

But Astarion didn't recognize anything—except for the smell of your blood, which seemed so innate to him, beyond the taste of it on his tongue.

"I— I'm sorry, I don't know," he whispered.

"Nothing sounds familiar?" you asked. When he shook his head again, your disappointment showed on your face for a moment. You hid it quickly with your next breath, but Astarion saw it. "That's alright. It'll come back to you."

Fear suddenly wrapped its claws around his heart. "Will it?"

"Yes," you said firmly. "It will. I promise, Star." You took his hand in yours and squeezed gently. "And I'll be with you until you do remember."

A thousand questions swirled in his mind. Who were you? What had he done to deserve your kindness? How could you be so certain that he would recover?

Deep in his heart, he wondered if he even wanted to recover. The bits and pieces floating around inside his head... They were not pleasant. And yet, all he could think to ask was, "Why?"

You smiled softly at him, almost regretfully. You were silent for a long time, avoiding his gaze. Your hair just barely covered your eyes; Astarion could not make out your expression. At last, you raised your head toward him. "If you were in your right mind, you'd know." The muscle in your jaw feathered. In a hushed voice, you added, "Honestly, that scares me more than this."

Astarion's eyes narrowed. He felt like he was missing something, something obvious. You were hiding something, but he couldn't fathom what or why...

You turned away from his intense, questioning gaze. "Rest. I'll be here when you wake up." You pulled a knife from its sheath on your boot and a rag from your pocket. You began polishing it.

Astarion watched you for some time, entranced by the methodic way you cleaned your weapons, pausing to inspect the shine of the blade. It did not take long for the drowsy blackness to seep into the edges of his consciousness, taking over with every blink. Soon, there was nothing left but...

~❊~

You weren't entirely certain when Astarion had dozed off, just that you had suddenly felt the loss of his gaze. You glanced at him, his body still on your bedroll.

A few moments passed while you watched him. Once you were certain he was deep in his trance, you left his side to collect a handful of herbs and a water flask.

You measured out the herbs and tied them off in a mesh pouch. You steeped them in the cold water and watched the color change achingly slowly. Only when it had reached a greenish-yellow color did you gently reopen the bloody spot on your finger, hissing as the skin split again, and let your blood drip into the mixture.

You stared down at it, watching the blood sink to the bottom of the bowl. The herbs, meant to help improve memory, ought to do something for his memory loss... Or so you hoped.

With Astarion still trancing, you left the herbs to steep. You returned to your own tent briefly to retrieve a book to read while you waited for him to wake.

The evening passed surprisingly slowly. You got through several chapters before you were interrupted by a gentle tap on your shoulder. You looked up to find Gale offering you a plate of food.

"Thank you, Gale," you said, accepting it after you'd put your book down. "How's the arm?"

"You're welcome. All healed up, thanks to Shadowheart," he said. He glanced at your mixture. "Is that for Astarion?"

You nodded. "It's a bunch of herbs to help improve memory. I was thinking it might speed up the 'temporary' part of the wizard's spell."

He thought for a moment. "I have a few spells that might help," he said. "Pass me the bowl."

You did so and watched curiously as Gale muttered a few quiet incantations over the mixture. When he passed the bowl back to you, the water faintly glowed lavender.

"That should help," he said.

"What did you do?" you asked, frowning. You hadn't recognized any of his mutterings.

Gale bit back a smile. "Those spells should increase the herbs' potency. It will strengthen the potion, and our elf's ability to retain his memory."

For a moment, you just stared at him. Then you said, "You have to teach me those spells."

Gale smiled. "Anytime," he promised. He nodded to the plate he'd given you. "Eat. You need your strength, too."

You nodded and ate quickly. Astarion shifted in his trance, mumbling quietly. You glanced at him and heaved a sigh when you realized he was, once again, clutching his stomach.

"You are a pain to feed when you can't bite me," you said to him before once again opening your finger and letting your blood drip into his mouth. Yet you weren't nearly as annoyed as you sounded; you honestly didn't mind caring for the elf. Gods knew he deserved it.

You returned to your book until night fell. The others came to check on you and Astarion before they retired. Wyll put out the campfire and you looked at the vampire still knocked out on your bedroll.

"Guess we're sharing again," you murmured to him and wriggled into your bedroll. You got cozy, comforted by his presence, despite everything. You rolled to put your back to him, but whispered over your shoulder, "Good night, Astarion."

~❊~

Astarion woke up very suddenly, a scream in his throat. He covered his mouth with a hand before it could come out. He lay that way for several moments, trying to calm the sense of panic in him from yet another nightmare of his master, before he realized he was not in his tent. Or any tent.

His head rolled to the right, toward the heat next to him and the scent of you. You had curled up beside him, your back to him, some distance between the two of you. For some reason, his heart sank. Why hadn't you cuddled up close to him?

Bits and pieces of memory hit him with a pounding headache: something slamming into his chest, loosing an arrow from his bow into Gale's shoulder, waking up and lunging for you, watching you sharpen your knives...

Gods, what had happened over the past few days. When had they left that battlefield?

Astarion glanced at your sleeping form again. A deep ache sat in his chest; he wanted... Gods, did he really? He wanted to hold you. He wanted you in his arms.

For her heat, he told himself as he rolled onto his side and closer to you, draping his arm over your middle. He ignored the fact that his explanation did not cover the little kiss he pressed to the nape of your neck.

You stirred in your sleep. "Little Star?" you murmured, pushing back against his chest.

"Don't wake up," he murmured. "I'm here."

He watched a sweet, sleepy smile cross your face. "It worked," you mumbled. You hand came up to slide into his and squeeze gently.

Astarion frowned. "What worked?"

You rolled to face him, even though your eyes remained closed. "I'll tell you in the morning," you said. You yawned and nuzzled your face in his chest, apparently happy to hide in the fabric of his shirt and his scent. You hummed. "My pretty little death."

There you were with your strange little sayings. Astarion raised his eyebrow, assuming you'd caught a whiff of his (albeit faint) odor of death. "Do I need more perfume?"

"No," you said, quite adamantly. "Smells good."

Astarion bit back a giddy, boyish smile. "If you say so." He put his hand into your hair, fingers scratching your scalp gently. You hummed contentedly and, within seconds, fell back asleep against him.

He wrapped his other arm around you as well, pressing you close to him. A twinge of hunger passed through him, but he ignored it; while you had told him plenty of times he could feed while you slept, he'd rather wait until the morning than risk waking you again.

Too alert to fall back to sleep, Astarion looked down at you. He brushed a few strands of your hair from your face, reveling in the softness of your hair and skin. He brushed his thumb across your cheekbone, content to admire you until his eyes got tired of you. Truthfully, he wasn't sure that day would ever come.

"Oh, you," he murmured. He kissed the top of your head and you lifted your head toward him while you slept, turning your face toward him. Like a sunflower seeking the sun, he thought, a very old distant memory surfacing—his tiny hand in a bigger one, belonging to someone telling him to look at the big yellow flowers in front of him...

He was your sun. And you were...his.

Something in his chest stirred. It wasn't quite a heartbeat, but it was very close: a fluttering in his heart, truly awakening for the first time. A shuddering breath escaped Astarion's lips.

Oh.

Through the fuzz of the past few hours, Astarion dimly remembered you smiling at him, soft and sad and unsure, sorrow in your voice as you said, If you were in your right mind, you'd know. Honestly, that scares me more than this.

And Astarion did know. He did.

Oh.

"My darling," Astarion murmured, shifting to curl his body around yours. You responded in your sleep, clinging tightly to him. He kissed your cheek and then rested his head against yours, watching the sky and patiently waiting for the sun to rise.

For the first time in two hundred years, the gods had finally listened.

~❊~

Your body registered the warmth of the sun before you fully woke. It spread through you, spreading a lazy comfort through you. You slipped between peaceful sleep and fuzzy wakefulness for some time before lips roused you completely.

Tiny kisses covered your cheeks and nose. A hand cupped your cheek. "Wake up, my love," a soft voice said. Your heart warmed and your eyes flickered open. Astarion!

His crimson eyes crinkled with a smile when you looked at him. "There she is," he whispered, fonder than you had ever heard him.

"You're back," you murmured, overjoyed to be his love again but desperately tamping the feeling down. He would certainly see it now if you were not careful to hide your heart.

"What happened?" he asked. "I remember fighting goblins, but nothing else until I woke up to you avoiding me in your sleep." His tone was teasing, but there was something else there—some little bit of vulnerability. Your heart began to beat faster in your chest.

You propped your head up on your hand. "It's a long story, Star."

"Tell it to me while I feed," he suggested, already shifting to perform your morning ritual.

You rolled onto your opposite side and exposed your neck to him, sweeping your hair out of the way. "Alright," you said, barely suppressing a shudder as his lips brushed your skin, leaving a soft, yearning kiss.

What has gotten into him today? you wondered.

Astarion finally sunk his teeth into your neck. You let him take one, two, three swallows of your blood before you began talking. You spared no details, telling him what had happened since he'd been hit with a memory spell as steadily as you could with him sucking at your neck.

When he was finished, Astarion licked over the holes in your neck until they stopped bleeding.

"Thank you," he said, uncharacteristically quiet. "For the meal and for staying with me. I can't imagine it was easy work."

You looked up at him, entranced by the flush on his cheeks. You reached up to cup his face, admiring him for a moment before snapping out of your daze. "No, it...it was fine. It was..." You.

A smile twitched at the corners of his lips. Your heart sank into your stomach. He knows. Gods, he knows how I feel.

Astarion took your chin in his hand and lifted your head. He brushed his thumb over your bottom lip. He looked at you with that sweet, fond look in his eyes for a moment. Then they fluttered shut as he leaned down, pressing his lips against yours.

Your surprise melted quickly into content as his thumb stroked your jaw instead. He tasted vaguely of iron; arousal fluttered through you, your urge only growing more powerful at the taste of your lifeblood on his tongue. Yet it slipped away as Astarion cuddled closer to you, sheltering within your arms, his lips never leaving yours. His soft, barely audible moans, were like an epic poem, his kiss a balm to the worry that had been building in your chest.

He feels it, too.

You broke away for a moment of air. "Astarion," you whispered and he let out a feral growl, chasing your lips eagerly. But for all his eagerness, it was not the kisses he gave you before he ravaged you. He was softer, slower. You felt the promise he was making you in that moment.

The kiss went on. The dynamic changed slowly; his fangs scraped across your lips—his tongue slipped into your mouth—your tongue into his—he suckled on your lower lip—you gently held his lip between your teeth—your fingers curled in his hair—his hand on your neck.

You let Astarion decide when he was done, happy to kiss him slowly. Your hand fell to his chest and rested above his unbeating heart. He hummed into your mouth.

When he did finally pull away, his cheeks were delightfully red, the tips of his ears pink. His eyes fluttered. A slow, content smile formed on his lips.

You kissed his forehead. He turned a deeper shade of red. "Thank you, my Star."

Astarion nuzzled into you. "Darling..." He dropped his mouth to your neck, once again kissing his feeding place. "I don't want to stop."

You smiled. "So don't."

Astarion was kissing you again in an instant, his hands cupping your face, cradling you close. You melted into him, giving control over to your pretty corpse.

You were interrupted by a throat clearing above you just as a shadow fell over the two you. Your lips parted from Astarion's as you both looked up, somewhat guiltily.

Lae'zel stood above you, already ready to move on. "Unstick your maws," she ordered with a snort. "We must go." She left as quickly as she had arrived, but watching after her made it clear the rest of camp had also been watching the two of you.

"Maws," Astarion mused.

"She's right," you said, sitting up. "We should get ready."

Astarion caught your hand and pressed a tender kiss to your fingers. "Alright, my love."

The two of you slipped out of the bedroll. You helped Astarion fix his hair, mussed by sleep and your hands, and then the two of you packed up your belongings quickly to catch up with the others. You hadn't realized just how much time had passed while you got lost with him.

"Good morning!" Gale said cheerily, striding over, a twinkle in his eye. "I see Astarion's regained his memory!"

You glanced up in time to see Astarion blush and give Gale the universal look that meant 'shut up' and realized Gale had known all along. When had the two of them gotten close enough for that? Or was Gale just very good at reading people?

"I have," Astarion said coolly, recovering. "Our lovely leader here has filled me in on what happened while I was...indisposed." He looked awkward for a moment, then continued, "I apologize for shooting you, wizard."

"Apology accepted," Gale said matter-of-factly. He lifted his arm to prove it had healed. "No harm done!"

You finished up with your packing. "Where are we off to today?" you asked Gale. "Have the others decided?"

He pulled a face. "Everyone's got their own ideas," he said tactfully. "I think it'd be best if you decided what we handled first."

You sighed. "You mean that Shadowheart and Lae'zel are trying to kill each other, and I have to stop them and take the heat from whoever I piss off more."

Gale winced. "Yes, something like that."

"Alright. I'll be right there."

Gale nodded and started back toward where the others were gathered. You watched him go with a sigh.

"Is that why Lae'zel interrupted us?" Astarion asked. "Because if she thinks that's a way to gain favor, she's most certainly wrong."

You giggled at him. "Did someone want to keep kissing?"

He tried to hold your gaze, but looked away as his ears turned pink again. "Maybe," he muttered.

You kissed his cheek. "Later," you promised. You offered him your hand. "Come on. Let's get this sorted."

"Alright, my love," he said—a new phrase of his, it seemed—and took your hand. For a moment, he just looked at you, like there was something he wanted to say. You paused.

"What is it?" you asked.

He shook his head, a tiny smile on his lips now. "Nothing." You raised your eyebrow. "We'll talk about it later."

You nodded. "Alright."

You walked toward your bickering companions. Lae'zel was muttering about the creche, Shadowheart adamantly refusing not to go, with Wyll and Karlach trying to placate them both. At least those two weren't still at each other's throats.

The minute Shadowheart saw you, she darted over. "We have to get to the Temple of Shar," she started. "We made so much progress before we reached the goblins—"

"Chk! Our top priority should be the creche—"

Shadowheart glared at the githyanki. "We are not going to the creche!"

"We are going to neither place just yet, and you are both staying here in camp until you learn to get along," you said sharply. You saw Astarion smirk out of the corner of your eye. "Gale, Karlach, you'll come with me and Astarion. We'll see how far we can get and make a decision from there."

Karlach pulled a face. "Are you two going to kiss all day?" she complained.

You rolled your eyes. "That depends on how much you annoy me. Now, come on. I'd like to get going. And for the love of all, can we please avoid memory spells?"

Gale bit back a smile. "Are you certain? It seems to me you've gotten something rather good out of it." He glanced down at your fingers, still twined with Astarion's.

You glanced at Astarion. "Yes," you agreed. "And he is enough for me." You kissed his cheek again. For only his ears, you whispered, "I mean that, you know."

He smiled at you. "I know."

"Good," you said. You kissed him quickly.

You waited for Gale and Karlach to get what they needed with your head resting on Astarion's shoulder. You knew as well as any that you were far from steady; you still had much to talk about. You looked up at Astarion and found a far-off look in his eyes, one that looked a little too much like sorrow for your liking.

Astarion's "nothing" was looking an awful lot like "something."

[Image Caption: I do not give permission to repost, translate, or publish my work on any other site or app by anyone except myself. I do not give permission for my work to be fed into AI (for audio, art, or writing).]

Baldur's Gate 3 // Astarion Ancunin

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fabric-shower-curtain · 8 months ago

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By complete accident I somehow have the autopsy scar mod on top of the bhaalist tattoo mod, don’t ask me how they’re both on my durge I have no idea how it happened. But it got me thinking how would the origin characters (+halsin) react/barely react to a lover that is heavily scarred and tattooed? (Set in Act 1)

Read more for the full brainrot

Astarion: The first time Astarion saw your body for himself was when he walked past your tent late at night, through the flaps in the entrance he saw all those scars, he couldn’t tell what had you awake this late in the night, especially mostly naked with your back turned. The vampire simply continued on his way to hunt for the night. He dropped it there, until that is, the second night in the clearing you two spent together. He was lying down leaning his head against his arms as his red eyes stared at your naked body. His eyes flowed down every scar that littered your body, he barely seemed to look at the tattoos but that’s what he asked about first “So, can you translate that one?” - he points to the tattoo across your left arm, lifting up the limb you pull your skin to take a proper look at it. It’s been a while since you properly saw it, because just out of sight enough to make it annoying to stare at. When you tell him Astarion seems content with the information. His fingers drift across the tattoo. It’s a tender moment until the elf’s hand floats toward your neck. His ice cold fingers dancing across the lingering puncture wounds on your neck - “But these are by far my favorite mark on you,” You lean into Astarion’s touch releasing a chuckling sigh before calling him the weirdest flirt you have ever seen.

Gale: He really didn’t mean to go to the river at the same time he truly meant to go two hours early when he said he would, but that tome was particularly interesting - the effects of adrenaline on libido, certainly important for a man so restricted by his netherese orb. But now it was two hours past and he definitely had a musk going on. Taking an extra robe and rag Gale went to the nearby river, only you were there too. Illuminated in moonlight you were bare in front of him. Gale cleared his throat loudly, trying to let you know he was there. What he did not expect was for you to whip around and get out of the water to say hello. He tried his best to only look at your face, he did not succeed. Your skin was glowing with a vei of water cascading down in droplets. Gale’s eyes followed one droplet from your hair, down your neck, across your chest until a certain tattoo caught his eye, infernal script. Trying to keep his focus on the tattoo rather than the flesh its on he asked you if it meant what he thought it did. He was right in fact, and you told him the story behind why you got it, quite the nice tale. The wizard relaxed enough to notice another scar across your soldier “Is that from a magic missile?” He asked without thinking. Nodding in confirmation you turned to show your shoulder blade where the other two missiles struck. As you turned around the coldness of the night hit you like a thunder wave, a massive shiver shook your entire body spraying tiny water droplets around. “Gosh you must be freezing,” - Gale wrapped you in his towel-rag before stressfully ushering you back towards the camp. Once you got back to your tent you realized you left your towel and clothes on a nearby rock, you could return the peeping Tom favor.

Halsin: Halsin adores you long before he ever saw your birthday suit, sure he thought about it, quite a lot, but with his focus deep on the shadow-curse he doesn’t have time to do much other than think about out. But the first time he does see you was far from romantic or sensual. A hook horror had slashed your entire back open when you got to close, and Halsin watched it all happen. Before the beast even hit the ground he was rushing over to you, he didn’t think, he just ripped your armor right off of you to get to the wound. You might have been screaming but his ears were ringing too loud to tell one noise from another. Halsin couldn’t even see where scar ended and fresh cut began, your tattoos were doused in enough blood to make them impossible to see against your skin. The bear of an elf’s hand floated above the wound with the same glowing blue light the hook horror’s body was basking in, thank silvanus he was far enough from the sussur tree for his magic to work. Even with his healing a scar in the same place as the monster's claw marks stayed. Halsin’s druidic skills must be faltering, that’s what he determines at least. Until the next day, you’re healed fully up and about getting ready to leave camp for the day. Halsin calls out your name - “I’m sorry I could not heal you fully, I tried best I could but the scar persists” to his confusion you begin laughing. The scar he’s so upset about has been on you for so long now, and you tell him such. His healing left no scar, in fact he healed you so well an old scar was able to show.

Karlach: The first time she saw you naked you were bathing next to each other after a battle. Even with Dammon’s initial upgrade you can’t touch each other, but you swore to find ways to be intimate without touching, just like this. However you neglected to inform her about what lay under your clothes until now, scars covering you head to toe interlaced with tattoos of varying quality. “Hey Soldier! How come you didn’t tell me before stealing my aesthetic!” You didn’t even register this was the first time exposing yourself in such a way, a brief moment of panic before you burst into a smile. “Come here, let me see them” Karlach makes you twirl around, using the faintest touch of her fingers to pull your arms out and see the tattoos wrapping around them. Her eyes continued to trail down your body, after a gasp she jumped back up to your face - “That burn scar looks like mine!” She said before pulling down her trousers to show you the near identically placed scar on her thigh. But Karlach didn’t ask about the obviously fresher stab scars, she continued to smile at her new discovery but lets the two of you properly bathe for once.

Lae’zel: Even when pinning you against a wall the githyanki warrior wasn’t particularly gentle. It’s not like you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into tonight, she had said pretty explicitly she seemed carnal pleasure. Somehow Lae’zel was even more assertive in such a scenario than during your adventures. You couldn’t even take your own armor off, she practically ripped it off of you. Your body is exposed to her in an instant, she doesn’t react, her hands go immediately to unlace your trousers and undergarments. The night is enjoyable even as exhausting as it was. Only much later does Lae’zel ever comment on them, and its in a conversation praising you two’s battle prowess “Each scar is a battle fought, a battle won.” You try not to tell her you have at least two scars from dropping the knife while cooking with Gale. She’s sweet in her own way.

Shadowheart: Shadowheart first saw you naked while healing a particularly cruel wound, goblin had snuck up on you and slashed your torso deep. You stabilized yourself quick enough with a healing potion but the wound persisted. After the battle you wandered your way over to Shadowhearts tent, asking for help. She laid you down atop her bedroll, sliding your shirt off as you let yourself relax into the makeshift bed. And then you caught it, Shadowheart’s eyes widened, shit. But she didn’t say anything; she pressed her warm hands towards your open wound as they lit alight with magic. Radiating from your gash the warm feeling washed over you, your eyes closed softly breathing out in relief. Shadowheart quelled her magic, looking over you for a fat moment. You can feel her eyes wandering over you, up and down your chest, down your stomach and across both your arms. The relief of healing has left you now but you’re still too scared to open your eyes. And then a soft hand traced along your largest scar, her fingers were so light it tickled. “I like your tattoos.” The half-elf’s voice was soft, her eyes focused back on your large scar, “How’d you get that one.” Whether or not you tell the story she’s content, happy to have this extra piece of you in her memory.

Wyll: Poor Wyll just wanted to ask about the plans for tomorrow, but not only did he smack his horns on the skeleton of your tent while entering but you’re also as naked as the day you were born. The man nearly shrieked like he saw a ghost, his entire chest swelled up with his shoulders shooting up and he looked like he just swallowed a frog. Without a word Wyll turned on his heel and left your tent, only after trying to cool his blushing face off did he even process all your markings. Upon the log he sat on he dragged his hand up and down his face trying to process what the hells just happened. And then you exited your tent, completely decent this time. You greeted Wyll and sat beside him wondering what he had barged in about in the first place. But the poor man can’t even look at you. He as calmly as he could gave you the sincerest apology you’ve ever heard. After your acceptance he finally turns to you “So what does that tattoo across your back mean?” You pause for a moment, then explain as best you can. And that conversation continues just like that, he’d ask how you got a certain scar or tattoo and you’d answer him. In return he showed you one particularly nasty scar on his arm from a monster he fought while traversing the sword coast. What may have started as the most embarrassing moment of your partnership ended with you closer than before.

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prettyboykatsuki · 10 months ago

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⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ SHARPEN YOUR TEETH (AND BITE AS HARD AS YOU WANT) | WYLL RAVENGARD

☾ tags ; SPOILERS FOR ACT ONE AND TWO OF BG3, gn + afab!reader, werewolf!reader, selunite cleric!reader developing relationship, canon typical violence, mild gore / blood, mutual pining, heat cycles, scent kink, oral (f + m!recieving), unprotected sex, praise kink, petnames (starlight, my love, my heart), lots of referring to reader as a dog / mutt / puppy, messy sex, reader has body hair / pubic hair, soft top wyll, a single pregnancy joke, 18+ MDNI

☾ wc ; 21.8k (????)

☾ a/n ; h...hello wyll nation. local deranged man here to offer this politely and run away. i dont really know what happened here. this was really just meant to be porn about a scent kink and uhm. well

i dont know if i wrote this fic as much as it used my physical vessel as a way to escape. it just sort of occured. im rarely nervous to post fic for a character but this is my first time doing a real wyll fic and bg3 fandom as many people i respect. so please be kind.

anyways. the embracing of monstrosity vs the rejection of it. so on and so forth. hope u enjoy. also banner is from slime isekai anime.

☾ synopsis ; there's a werewolf at camp. nothing new. wyll is growing increasingly fond of them. very new.

ao3 link for reading | spotify playlist.

The violent tearing sounds of teeth ripping through the flesh pulse and echo through the night air.

Blood sprays onto the furred creature responsible for it. All else grinds to a halt, the gnats and fireflies silent in awe as sharp claws crush through bone. Wyll can hear the sound of his own blood pumping as his eyes watch the massacre, hand drawn on his rapier. He looks over through the rest of his party

They remain just as awestruck. Astarion stands breathlessly. Shadowheart slinks into her namesake, eyes closed and trembling in the dark.

But Wyll watches, eyes fixed on the bloodshed. On the violence. The realization dawns on him too late that one of his party members is missing. You’re missing. He stares back at the creature, underneath the moon - silently slaughtering every last of their opposition until the battle field is left in a field of crimson. Death plagues every inch of dirt to the naked eye.

A whimper sounds. Followed by the sound of skin and bones retracting and moving back into place.

Where a werewolf once was is your naked form. Sat on your knees and bent over your body with tears at the corners of your eyes. Just your ears and tail remain, your mouth and hands covered in a thick layer of blood. You sniffle, the only light left to illuminate you ritual candles and moon as you turn your head back to your party.

“Uhm,” Your voice is coarse, thick with exhaustion and tears. Wyll stares at you in awestruck silence “We should probably talk.”

“So,” Gale’s voice and the obvious exasperation in it is enough to make Wyll feel sorry for you. You’re sitting at the campfire, finally clothed - with a blanket around your shoulder and Astarion tending to your wounds. “We have a Sharran, a vampire spawn, a werewolf, and a githyanki. Anything else we need to check off before we apply for a tent at the circus?”

Karlach takes the empty seat next to you, wanting to wrap her hand around the fluffy base of your tail and frowning when she realizes she can’t. Your ears are folded down, the corners of your eyes still wet with tears. You lean into Karlach’s heat, just enough to feel it.

The air is cool, thick with the scent of dirt and smoke. The campfire licks with light flames, surrounded by half cut logs for extra seating. You, Astarion, and Karlach crowd on a single half - draped with an extra bedroll for cushion.

“Don’t be so harsh on them, Gale,” Karlach says, glancing over at you “It’s hardly like they’re a threat to us. I mean.. look at them.”

Your frown deepens as you hang your head in shame.

“I thought we were past this, no? I mean we’ve all already been honest with each other so far. It’s a little late to be keeping something like this a secret is it not?”

“That’s true,” Wyll interjects, standing next to Gale across from the three of you - staring at your curled up form with sympathy. “I really don’t understand why you hid it for this long. Surely, you could’ve told us earlier?”

Your voice is weak and unusually frail. “The opportunity never presented itself.”

“You could have mentioned it when Astarion told us he was a vampire?” Wyll suggests.

“I didn’t want to steal his thunder, you know? Felt a bit rude, really.”

Astarion laughs, clearly wanting to laugh himself into hysterics but having enough tact not to do so. “Not a thing in that head of yours aside from our parasite, is there darling? But you know, I’m quite delighted by this revelation.

“Really?”

“Now we’ve got two monsters at our camp as opposed to just one! Evens out the playing field, in case things go south.”

“I’m not a monster,” You murmur, pouting. “And I don’t think you are either, for the record. I’m just a shifter. And my goddess is kind.”

“Oh? And who would that be?” Gale asks somewhat bitterly.

“Selune,” Shadowheart pipes up this time, for the first time since your arrival back to camp. Emerges from her own tent in the corner like a ghost. Her arms are crossed, brows pinched into a tight face of displeasure “She has a network of werewolves in her ranks. You’re one of them, aren’t you?”

You look up at her saddened, like a kicked puppy for lack of a better word, casting your gaze away from hers. Shadowheart looks ferocious, her appearance locked onto your pitiful form with a familiar angry smolder. Wyll can’t decide if you’ve done anything so grand as to earn her ire, even if you’re a Selunite werewolf. Though, given all that Wyll knows about her, that may as well be the greatest sin of all.

Your voice is tiny and high-pitched as you play with your hands in your lap “I didn’t intend to hide it from you but y-yes. I don’t bear any hatred towards you or other Shar followers, but uhm, well, I didn’t think you’d be very happy about it. A-and then, well you know, back in the grove you mentioned you hated wolves so, I just… planned on never shifting.”

“You have control over something like that?” Wyll inquires. You nod, not looking up at him.

“I was born as a werewolf, not turned. So the moon doesn’t affect me in the same way it would someone who was turned and I have more control over when it happens. I can shift in and out. Usually no problem but when I’m caught off guard like that,” You lift your tail and swing it from side to side as if to emphasize the point “Sometimes I mess it up.”

“Chk. What a waste of ability. Think of how many we would’ve slaughtered had we known from the start.”

Wyll looks around. Everyone has gathered now, standing around the fire.

“A werewolf… I know little of them. Wild shape magic is vastly different. I hope your condition does not cause you too much trouble. Or us, for that matter.” Halsin adds apologetically.

“I didn’t intend for it to come out this way,,” You mumble pitifully. Shit, he really can’t help but feel bad. “I really did fully plan on keeping it to myself until the end. But, well, we were desperate. And I didn’t want to see anyone die,”

“Given our circumstances, I think it would be amiss to scold you for your bravery,” Wyll supplements, trying to ease your worries. He does mean it. Regardless of what happened, you did save everyone. “Plus, we’ve all kept secrets here.”

“Exactly right, soldier. Don’t beat yourself up about it,”

“Wow, what sort of double standard is this? When I came out as a vampire, you people couldn’t stop talking about how afraid you were I was going to bite you!” Astarion says with an exaggerated frown. You smile at him weakly.

Wyll gives him a disbelieving look. “Well you’re not exactly subtle about wanting to suck our blood, are you Astarion?”

Astarion huffs. “Everyone here is so unfair.”

Wyll laughs goodnaturedly, his eyes turning back onto you. He examines you in silent thought, his mind sifting over your last few months together.

After Gale gets over his initial frustration, his curiosity gets the better of him. He rejoins everyone—across from you on an empty log and Wyll joins along with them. Shadowheart and Lae-zel come too, as does Halsin.

Around the campfire, Gale pulls a book and quill from his tent before making himself comfortable.

“Well since we’ve all made up, I am a little curious about your condition.” He admits. A very Gale thing to do, Wyll thinks.

“I don’t mind any questions.” You reply gently. “It’s the least I can do.”

The whole camp softens at your display. Surprisingly, Shadowheart is the first to ask a question.

“Is it more comfortable for you…in your wolf form?”

You seem taken aback.. Though it dawns on you quickly why she would be asking that specifically.

“Ah, kind of? My humanoid form is also me but it feels… limiting at times.”

“Limiting?”

“Eating meat without my canines is a pain in my ass. Same with not being able to express myself with my ears or tail. I like traveling on my paws depending on the terrain.” You say, shaking your head. “It doesn’t bother me though mostly,”

Gale’s quill hitting the paper makes a loud scratching sound. Astarion has a snarky comment about it that Wyll misses. He’s too preoccupied with other things.

Hoping that you don't feel too badly about all this, for example.

“Does it affect your daily life in any way?”

“I don’t think so? I don’t know. It’s always been like this, so there’s nothing that different to me. I do notice how different I am around humans maybe,” You say, before perking up. You’ve just remembered something important. “Oh, but there is one thing.”

“What is it?” Wyll asks.

“My senses are much much sharper than other peoples. My sense of smell, especially.”

___

You remain together. Despite the mess. Somehow.

With this parasite in mind, and nothing left to lose - it’s better to stay together. Now that there are no important secrets kept hidden, the vibe is much more relaxed. The impending doom adds a layer of familiarity too. Wyll has often traveled with bands of strangers, but never for so long and with so many.

It gives him a sense of familiarity. Home. What a foreign word.

He thinks a lot of it is your contribution. They’re your pack, as you say so often. A special one with lots of different sorts of people. And you - you’re loyal to a fault. It helps. You and Karlach are a lot alike, but Wyll would venture to call you a little more tender. It helps fill in the gaps.

Wyll knows you’re a werewolf but it’s hard not to think of you as a dog in that sense. A different dog to Scratch, maybe. But a dog all the same - with folded ears and a softail and propensity for drooling depending on the way you sleep.

He’s only really reminded of the fact that you’re part wolf when you use your abilities in battles. It’s your failsafe. You only do it when you think it’s dire, and before that you air on the side of diplomacy. You’re a hunter should the need arise though. Sometimes you don’t transform completely. Where your usual canines are meant to linger in your mouth are a set of teeth too big for it. Instead of hands, sometimes there are soft paws with sharpened nails.

There are three ways you can transform for that matter. Human, werewolf, or just wolf. Wyll finds these little distinctions fascinating, and more fascinating that you tend to opt for one end of the spectrum or the other.

Wyll quickly learns some of your physical attributes are the same irregardless of what you look like. The fact you are agile and quick and strong, or the fact you can travel fast on all fours. The fact you like meat, and the fact you whine rather loudly when you’re upset.

When you’re using your abilities, many would think you a ruthless killer.

But after everyones cleared from harm, you’ll transform back into your usual human self - naked and covered in blood and frowning. You spit up meat that tastes bad and whine loudly if no one tells you good job.

(That job often falls on Wyll or Shadowheart. Gale or Karlach if they’re traveling with you. Astarion is only kind enough to do it in a semi-mocking way, but Wyll is keenly aware of how sincere his praise can be.)

In moments like that, you’re just a dog again. A puppy, sometimes. Loyal. And novel, and interesting for many reasons.

Wyll should expect your loyalty by now. He sees it so often, how unyielding and faithful you always are. To your goddess and to your pack and to whatever else you’ve deemed important to you.

He should’ve known that you’d probably try to seek him out tonight, after everything that’s happened among all of you.

He did watch you for a bit at the start. You worked clockwise through all of your companions, stopped in between for stories and gossip. Some of the tiefling kids wanted to see your tail and you’re too good a spirit to tell them no.

Wyll wouldn’t dare hope for you finding him, but he is a little relieved when you do.

“Wyll! There you are,”

Wyll’s eyes snap up.

“Ah, Hells. I was hoping you wouldn’t notice I was gone,” He says regretfully.

“Of course I noticed! How could I not notice our very own warlock disappear? It was no party without you.”

Wyll wonders if you’re being sincere. He hopes you are. The night air is cool as the two of you share space. Away from the party, only sand and rubble between your feet. And a body of water that looks like it could go on forever.

It’s a full moon tonight.

“Really? I’m honored,” He peers out into the lake. Suddenly aware of his body, Wyll recoils into himself. The movement is subtle enough to be overlooked. The horns on the top of his head feel especially heavy. The skin pulled around the base of them throbs. It’s not painful, but it is unpleasant. “In truth, I don’t feel a festive mood and I didn’t want to cast a gray cloud over the night.”

“Is it too intrusive for me to ask?”

“Not at all,” Wyll assures. Your words are comfortable and soft, concerned without being pitiful. “I’m a devil. I love the people of the grove, but I unsettle them deep down. As I seem to unsettle everyone nowadays.”

Wyll can hear his own somber. He doesn’t wince, but it's impossible to ignore. Even explaining himself only adds to his melancholy. He’s quiet for a while, his voice touched with a destitution and irony. And bitterness, maybe.

You remain still and steady beside him. He can’t tear his gaze away from the endless water, comforted by its vastness. How it generally disregards him and distorts his reflection.

“You don’t want a devil at your party. Horns this sharp will pop the balloons you see. And the guests won’t take kindly to scars quite so monstrous.” He jokes, trying to keep his voice light.

He doesn’t think he succeeds at it.

Silence once more. Wyll can see you, but your expression is unchanged. Your eyes are clear underneath the ever changing moon.

“You don’t unsettle me. You never have.” There’s conviction behind your words. They comfort him.

“If only half the world had half the heart you do.” Wyll tells you, and means every word. He tries to brighten up, waving you off. “Don’t let my introspection spoil your night. Off with you. This is your day! Have a dance. Enjoy the music.”

He hopes it’s enough to get you to forget about him for tonight.

When you walk off, Wyll is expecting you to disappear. It’s enough that you’ve checked on him. He would’ve been content with it, left to reflect on his troubles alone. You’ve done something significant with your reassurance. He isn’t so tactless to keep you from celebrating. even when he would maybe want more time with you.

You return to him though. With a bottle of wine, and a bedroll you spread in the empty sand next to him. You give him an unreadable look followed by a cheeky smile, making yourself comfortable on the ground.

“Come on. Sit.”

Confused, Wyll sits. You open the bottle of wine with your teeth as a cork and drink from the top before passing it over to him. He takes it from you and stares at the place you’ve just drank from. You start to talk while he debates mimicking you.

“You don’t have to pretend it’s less difficult than it is,” You say almost thoughtlessly. Almost. “You’ve lost your body. Yourself. That must be hard.”

Wyll looks at you, then back at the colored glass of the bottle. He clears his throat. “It is. More than I imagined it to be.”

“You know, I was born a werewolf. And I had just about the best circumstances a person could have with that in mind. Selune accepts me and my clergy was mostly kind. Still, I heard the word monster a lot from people outside my circle. I could feel the distrust that I incited in outsiders. So, I won’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through,” You say, your legs stretched out far into the sand, past the confinement of a tiny square bedroll “But I do know what it’s like to feel accused when you’ve done nothing wrong. You especially, Blade of Frontiers. I think you’re allowed to grieve the trust it feels like you’ve lost, or might lose. If it’s worth anything, though, I know you’re not a monster.”

Wyll barely gets a chance to process the words as they come. He wonders if this is what people mean by feeling seen by someone else. “You know?”

“Damn right I know,” Your response comes without hesitation. The night air blows along his skin, a soft and tender caress. Wyll frowns when you don't elaborate.

“How could you know something like that?” He asks.

“Lotsa reasons. You’re still nice and thoughtful and caring and charming. But, hm, well the most obvious reason is a little more primitive.” You take a deep inhale. “Your scent,”

“...I’m sorry?”

Your laugh is bright, and bubbly.

“Your scent,” You repeat calmly, taking a deep sigh after saying it. “Everyone at camp has a scent. It’s a little abstract, but they change when people change. Shadowheart smells the leaves of black currant and uh, Halsin smells like sequoia wood. Lae’zel smells like black tea and metal. Gale smells like licorice. Astarion smells a lot like applemint. Karlach smells like smoke and star anise,”

Wyll finds himself both awestruck and amused.

“These are all rather specific,”

“I’ve always been a bit of a bloodhound so I’ve developed a talent at identifying specifics. It was shitty when I was a runt. Even a trip outside could give me the worst fuckin’ headache, but it got better the more I got used to it.” You give Wyll a glance “Anyways. Scent changes. When someone changes, their scent does too. Moods and days and everything affect it too.”

“And mine hasn’t changed, is what you’re saying?”

“No. Not in the way that’d make you different. It’s stronger, but it hasn’t changed. You haven’t changed.” You say quietly, and take a deep breath. “Not to me at least.”

“You’ve conveniently left out my scent from your description.” Wyll says with fond amusement. He feels reassured. It’s absurd, yet Wyll is so inclined to believe you. “Is it something so awful?”

You flush, suddenly becoming timid.

“Yours is… good,” You say simply, and softly. You seem embarrassed to continue. He can’t help but find it so incredibly endearing. “It’s just harder for me to describe. But it’s good. It’s personally my favorite. “

You add the last part a little quieter.

“And it hasn’t changed,” Wyll says more than asks this time.

“No. Stronger, but the same.” You curl in on yourself, crossing your legs as you turn your head to face him, head tilted towards one side with a smile. “You’re not a devil to me. Just Wyll. And I like just Wyll.”

Wyll feels his chest tight as you lean your head on your shoulder contentedly. He tries not to read it into, hoping you can’t hear how loudly his heart is pounding. He takes a drink from the wine bottle straight, the same place your lips touched moments ago.

He likes you, too. The words don’t come out right.

“Yes…I’m,” He’s speechless, hands folded in his lap as he stares at you. “Me too. Our journey together has proved important to me. Thank you.”

You smile but don’t say anything more.

___

With the goblin camp clear, the journey towards the Shadowfell lands becomes increasingly pervasive. You’ve done more traveling and less resting in the last few weeks than you have thus far in your journey.

Smoke clouds in the horizon are what draw you to Waukeens rest.

On your way to the mountain pass, for easy access to the city, lay a massacre of bodies and fire. The distress has far from subsided. The thick smog continues to build, folds into itself like massive heaps of wool - suffocating everything on every path in its surroundings. The smell of ash is invasive, even from a fair distance away.

Blood trails from one end of the path towards the main entrance. As your party’s distance begins to close in, Wyll feels his lungs fill up with a familiar tightness. The burning air makes his eyes and lungs sting.

“Shit, the fire is still burning. There must still be people in need of aid. We should,” You cough hard as you look at what's in front of you. Eyes squinted trying to make out the horizon. “We should get there and see if we can aid them,”

Astarion groans “For just one day, could we rest? Leave this nonsense up to the other wandering travelers desperate for recognition? Is that asking so much?”

“As long as I’m pinning down bodies for you to feed off, you’ve got to listen to me, you know? You laugh warmly at his sarcasm. “Now, If you don’t stop complaining you’ll fall behind, pretty boy, and there’ll be not a thing left for you to suck dry.”

“I should report you for that, you know. Threats of starvation against the imprisoned violate the law,”

You laugh a little as you start to make your way forward. The four of you jog towards the entrance of Waukeens rest with urgency, more yours and Wyll’s than Astarion’s and Shadowheart’s.

Among the scenery at the front entrance of Waukeens rest - what concerns Wyll most is not the death. Not the bodies ashen among flame or the flames themselves that continue to widen and encompass. It is that, among those bodies, are members of the Flaming Fist. Past the sour memory of his life comes the worry, the fear.

What in the Hells are the Flaming Fist doing around this area?

Away from the woman praying over a body, are a small number of Fist’s pushing on the doorway of a locked and burning building. You’re quick to run to it. Wyll barely keeps up.

Before you can ask about the situation at hand, a Flaming Fist member addresses you and your party.

“Grand Duke Ravengard could be inside, don’t just stand there - push!”

Wyll’s voice betrays him, speaking before he has a minute to think. “Ravengard? He’s here?”

“Yes, now make yourself useful- push, damn it, push!”

Wordlessly from next to him, you gear yourself up and push kick the door in. Strong enough that the wood crumbles to nothing, Wyll watches the doors open wide and the flames that lick at the inside of the building. A cloud of smoke billows out as the Flaming Fist pour in, your party quick to follow in alongside them.

Through the thickets of smoke and up stairs half-broken, sounds Counselor Florrick's voice from behind the broken door. Maneuvering through ember and broken floorboard, you proceed the same as you did before. Pushing through the crowd of people surrounding the door - you use your foot and kick the door in again, causing it to break nearly instantly.

Counselor Florrick coughs as she makes her way outside.

“Come. I’m afraid proper thanks must wait,” She says with a heaved breath. It’s too clouded with smoke for Wyll to make anything of her face and Wyll can only assume that is the case both ways.

Back down through the way you came, you take a deep inhale of smoke and cough. The scent must be nauseating, far too much for you - but you don’t let it show through your face.

Once everyone has been accounted for outside, Counselor Florrick approaches your party in the broad daylight of the courtyard. It’s there she recognizes Wyll.

“Hold on,” Wyll says, reaching into his pack. He hands you a sachet of herbs he’d purchased alongside you from a merchant in the goblin camp. “For your nose,”

You give him a look of surprise, your ears perking up and tails swishing as you take it from him gratefully, holding it up to your nose for a deep breath.

“Fuck, thank you.” You reply gratefully. Wyll nods in reply.

“Counsellor Florrick - are you alright?” Wyll says first, concern pouring through. Regardless of all else.

It’s clear right away, the horror in his face once she’s seen what’s become of him. Wyll lets it roll off of his back, the momentary sting not enough to make him flinch. It’s a reminder to start adjusting to what will be one of many.

Her sympathy is tangible, though it doesn’t make Wyll feel better.

“Wyll - by the Maimed God, what’s become of you?”

He shakes his head to dismiss the thought. “A story best left for calmer days. Now breathe deeply, are you in pain?”

“A scorched throat, a few hairs singed off. Nothing a bit of time and fresh air can’t cure.”

Wyll’s shoulder sag with relief. She turns to address the Flaming Fist accompanying her.

“Gauntlet, a new duty calls. Drow have taken Grand Duke Ulder Ravengard - westward if my eyes and ears can be believed.” She pauses, thinking before giving further instruction “Report to the manip and send for reinforcements. We must find the Grand Duke.”

“On your command, Counsellor.” The head of the Gauntlet affirms, bowing their head before taking off.

It’s there that Wyll feels panic. Uncertainty like nothing he’s felt in the last seven years. Maybe longer. No longer a passing thought or a sour memory, concern for his father washes out what might’ve been grief.

“No. It can’t be. You mean, they’ve taken -”

Counselor Florrick's expression darkens. “Yes, Wyll. The drow have your father.”

“Shit, what? Wyll, you’re a noble?” You interject for the first time in the conversation. When Wyll turns to you, above all else is concern. He shakes his head.

“The circumstances of my birth are no matter of pride for neither me nor my father. But pride is no reason to refuse help to my own flesh and blood. How can we help?.”

“Rescue Ravengard from his drow captors. Baldur's Gate needs him, now more than ever,” She says, addressing you primarily and Wyll after. She pauses to examine Wyll a second time, like now that she’s out of the smoke she is really looking.

A passing glance of her brings back memories of a childhood long forgotten. Days spent in courtyards training the sword and waiting for father to finish his duties. An ache starts to form in the cavity of his chest, but Wyll swallows it.

Where duty calls, it is only common sense the Blade will answer. He holds a fist over his heart and bows.

“Trust us to see it through, Counsellor.”

“Who is this Duke Ravengard?” You ask, finally - though it’s not to him. Rather it’s to the Counselor. Wyll wonders if that’s a choice you’ve made on purpose.

“The invisible force holding Baldur’s Gate together. Without him, the city’s collapse is certain.” She pauses, looking troubled “I fear that may have been the intention of those who abducted him.”

“Shit. Then, not to be rude, but why entrust this to me? You have others at your command. More well equipped, I’d imagine,” You ask, bearing no hostility. A fair enough question for you, head of pack, with concerns for everyone else.

“Isn’t it clear? You travel with the Blade of Frontiers. Who might I trust, if not a legend? Who might rise to the moment, if not Ravengard’s own son?”

You pause to mull over her reply. Your brow is furrowed in concentration, before your focus returns to the Counselor.

“I don’t think the drow have taken him back to Menzoberranzan. More likely they’ve taken the Duke to Moonrise Towers.” You say tentatively. “Though Hells, I can’t be sure. Goblin’s bein’ here is weird and their affairs are tied together somehow. Plus, the drow we’ve met in this area so far have relations to other cultist bullshit,”

“I was thinking the same,” Wyll adds.

“Moonrise Towers? Along the old road? That place is cursed, few could survive there…unless darker forces are at work,” She pauses, taking a moment to assess the situation “This was no random attack, then. The Grand Duke was their target.”

After more deliberating, you look firmly at the Counselor and nod - a serious promise.

“Moonmaiden guide us - we’ll head to Moonrise towers and find Duke Ravengard. Though for now, I won’t promise anything.”

“Thank you. When the Grand Duke returns to the city, he’ll hail his only son a hero.” She says with a deep breath “Approach the towers with care. The land itself has been swallowed in shadow.”

She turns to address him this time “Remember Wyll. ‘Courage is found in the battle against fear, not in the defeat of it.’”

“So father said. I won’t soon forget it.”

“We’ll be heading off now, towards the towers. Take care of yourself.”

“You too, Counselor Florrick.”

With that, the Florrick disappears back out into the smoke and open road. Left in the aftermath is the rest of the party, not barring you - and Wyll with nothing but worry.

Your eyes find Wyll’s with ease, filled to the brim with concern. Wyll casts his gaze away instinctively.

“Shit,” Wyll swears, unsure of what the reaction from you will be.

“Wyll,” Your voice calls and soothes. Before his response forms in his mouth, he feels a hand on the nape of his neck. In a sudden movement, you lean into him. Even amongst the swallowing heat of fire and ember - Wyll is conscious of your skin. The scrapes and cuts on your fingers raised press against his own. You inhale a long breath and Wyll realizes what you’re doing. It’s confirmation when you pull away and glance at him seriously. “Can I trust you to tell me what’s going on?”

The question itself is exposing. It’s a raw nerve, split open, tender and unhealed. There’s no shame in it. Or maybe there is, always has been - and Wyll has spent nearly seven years outrunning it. This much he knows - he never intended to show you this part of himself.

And he knows that this is not the first time he’s betrayed your trust. You ask Wyll to trust you, and Wyll wants to explain he always has.

There is no betrayal in your face, no disappointment.

You come to him ready to receive anything. Crystal clear eyes and a sincerity in your heart - there is so much said in so little.

“I’m sorry. It was never,” He’s struck by grief in a sudden moment. You’re kind, but it goes well beyond just that. “I had no intent to hide it.”

“But you had no intent to share it either,” You say, your voice soft-spoken and tender. Forgiving, though you don’t make Wyll feel like there’s something he needs forgiveness for. “It’s okay. We’re damn similar sometimes aren't we?”

When you let go of Wyll, he stares at you. Wide-mouthed and unsure of himself. For a brief moment, his surroundings become blurry. There’s no one else in the party. There’s no smoke. There’s no fire. No ash. For a brief moment, there’s just you - and you’re smiling. You feel like forgiveness.

“Florrick spoke true,” Wyll affirms, unsure of what to do with himself. “I am a Grand Duke’s son.”

“Not just a grand duke - Ravengard has more power and influence than anyone.” Astarion adds.

“My father and I were close. Once upon a time. Until he disowned me and cast me out of Baldur’s Gate,” Wyll says with a hardened heart. He’s forgiven his father. He’s spent years rationalizing the choice he made. But he’s reminded in an instant that the wound is still tender. “I can’t tell you more - the pact forbids it. My lips are quite literally sealed.”

“Okay,” You give Wyll a look, clear and bright. “Then, Wyll - do you want to save your father?”

He wasn’t expecting that to be your only question. It must show that he’s taken aback, but you remain where you are unflinching.

“Yes, I—yes. Regardless of our relationship, he remains my flesh and blood.” You press your lips together, an encouraging half smile, prompting him. “And I don’t want him to fall into the hands of Absolutists for any reason. He made me an exile, but I’m not about to let him suffer at the hands of his captors.”

“Alright. Then we’ll save him,” You brush over the weight of that sentence, addressing your other companions. “The only lead we’ve got so far is Moonrise towers, so we’ll stick to our original plans. Visiting the creche and then traveling through the Underdark.”

Wyll stares at you as you continue to talk, the words feeling like little more than noise. Lost in thought, you let him remain undisturbed. When your eyes meet, you don’t do anything more than grin - fang poking out form underneath your lip.

And it’s the second time in his life, Wyll feels like you’re seeing something he can’t. Himself, maybe.

A confrontation with the githyanki and a red dragon later, you return to camp the night of visiting Waukeen’s rest.

When night falls, you join Wyll in his tent. The gesture is innocent. You ask about having a sleepover. Wyll tries to remember there’s nothing but friendship between you. Eventually helets you into the cramped space of his tent. There’s barely enough space for you both, but you manage.

Before bed, you ask Wyll to tell you about himself. Anything he can afford to tell you. For a long while, he talks about being the Blade of Frontiers. But then, when it’s late enough and the gap between you continues to shrink - he talks about his life in the city. It doesn’t happen on purpose. Wyll is hardly so ungentlemanly. It’s unlike him to cluelessly go on and on about himself.

You just happen to know exactly the right questions. Before Wyll knows it, he’s telling you about all of his escapades. His life as a nobleman's son and escaping to fraternize with lower city youth.

Wyll can’t disclose his pact to you, but he can tell you about the kiss he had at fifteen. He can tell you about the first time he lost a tooth, or describe the well-worn picture of his late mother in his fathers wallet. For a while, Wyll recounts tales of a life he’d thought he’d abandoned. When the words come out, they don’t feel like violence. Don’t coat his mouth with the bitter taste of iron. Instead they taste light like memories, and come out just as soft.

He doesn’t remember when either of you drift off to sleep.

When morning comes and Wyll finds you still in his tent, he feels the ability to claim plausible deniability drift away from him.

You mean more to him than he thought. The moment passes to tell you.

___

The journey to the Underdark is never an easy one.

Underneath the desecrated Selune temple was the beaten path. A long ladder down through a broken Selunite outpost. Not only have you all fought a spectator, a bullete, several hook horrors and an entire beach of duegars - you’ve just slaughtered an Absolutist leader with your bare hands.

The remaining duegar have fled the scene after a night to recover, leaving Nere’s body for the lot of you to loot. The gnomes have gone too. Wyll tries to hold confidence all of them will make it in one piece.

The Sovereign had made his request clear, slaughter Nere and bring his head. Wyll has watched you kill and devour several bodies in your time together, but there’s something novel about watching you do it now. A knife, pulled out from your sheath - sharp as it cuts and saws through the flesh. It’s a clean, precise slice. Nothing like you, Wyll thinks fondly.

He can surmise that it’s because you’re rather fond of the myconid colony. They’re kind to you and you are always fond of those who are kind. In that way you’re easy to appease. But he didn’t know you were capable of this level of care. You tend to be matted and ruddy. Generally messy.

Wyll likes you that way.

The head comes off the body unceremoniously. You wrap a cloth underneath the bottom, and tuck it in your pack along some cubes of ice you had Gale make you with magic that morning.

Wyll only sees the outline of your back. He watches as you stretch your palms out and examine them for blood. When you find none, you turn around with a little tired sigh.

Promptly, you prop yourself onto Shadowheart. Your ear and tails have made a reappearance, your chin resting on her shoulder.

“I'm tiiiiiiiiired,” You whine, long and drawn out. Your teeth stick out from your lips when you pout, Wyll notices. The heat of the forge and all of the surrounding lava have your skin sticky with sweat. The deep purple of the destroyed Sharran enclave feels out of place among the fires “I don’t want to go to the Shadowfell lands. I won’t. You can’t make me,”

You’ve picked up a habit of being touchy. You tend to cling to Shadowheart, which Wyll finds ironic. Even with her cold exterior, the half-elf doesn’t push you off when you hug or pester her. You make promises to Karlach you’ll join her for it once her engines all fixed. Lae’zel finds it pointless. Halsin doesn’t mind, and likes to turn into a bear so all the furry creatures at camp can turn into big pile.

Gale also doesn’t mind, but the wizard usually airs on the side of embarrassment - a faint blush crawling over him whenever you wrap yourself thoughtlessly about him. Astarion pretends to reject it, but willingly pets and scratches you when he feels less combative. Something you happily recieve.

And Wyll… well, it doesn’t bother him. You approach him often enough, and he’d be hard-pressed on a reason to reject you.

(He ignores the way your touch seems to linger, unsure if he’s seeing things that don’t belong. Wyll is fond of you. Your heart is good - he thinks of you often but he isn’t so sure that means something. Well it means plenty to him, but what of you?

You like the sensation of physical affection, he reminds himself Nevermind the times you’ve fallen asleep as a wolf in his lap. Nevermind the occasional naps in his tent, or whines when he’s too busy to pay you mind.)

“You’re not ferocious at all, do you know? More like a drooling mutt than a werewolf,” Shadowheart huffs sarcastically.

“What I lack in ferocity I make up for in vigor.” You reply with a hum, rubbing your cheek against Shadowheart’s shoulder. “And the situation doesn’t spark any vigor in me. We’ve already been underground this long and next we’re going somewhere even darker.”

Astarion pipes up, sitting criss-cross onto the marbled floor in one of the few spots free of blood, sorting through his varied belongings and trinkets. “I would figure werewolves and vampires share their love for the darkness, no?”

“We can’t see the moon well from either place. I need to see the moon to track some things related to my form. I count the phases in my head but if I don’t see it for too long - I start getting homesick like a man at sea.” You whine and huff again, this time peeling yourself off of Shadowheart and throwing yourself onto Wyll.

He steadies himself enough not to topple over by your strength and weight as you drape yourself across his back. You nuzzle your cheek against him tenderly. It’s different to how you do it to Shadowheart or Astarion (when he’s not adamantly pushing you away.) It’s more tender, closer. Your nose brushes against the nape of his neck. Wyll doesn’t flinch, even at the warmth of your breath. You inhale again and Wyll can hear the swish of your tail.

He pretends to be ignorant of it and doesn’t push you away - instead laughing lightly.

“Oh, Moonmaiden - let your moon be my light, and I shall let my sword be your shining symbol.” You recite with a sigh. The words reverberate along his skin. “Moon my love, you are terribly missed.”

“Keep your Selunite prayer out of my ears, would you?”

“Don’t be so moody, my cold blooded Sharran. Our Lady of SIlver is a kind and accepting goddess, so her blessing will extend even to you.”

Shadowheart crinkles her nose. You laugh noisily next to Wyll’s ear. He smiles softly.

“After we’ve delivered the head to the Sovereign, we can travel back overhead before going into the Shadowfell. That way, you’ve had some time with the moon and we’re able to get in more rest before taking it on,”

You pull away from him now, grabbing his shoulder to turn him around with a laugh. Wyll looks at you wide-eyed as you grin at him, knocking your foreheads together innocently.

“Ah, what a great idea! If everyone else is on board, then let’s make our way to the Sovereign now and recoup on the surface. We’ll return to Grymforge come mornin’ and head off that way. Is everyone on board with that?”

You look around for affirmation before resting your gaze on Wyll with a smile.

Wyll feels his heart tug slightly, returning your smile before averting his eyes. You scamper off to Astarion, attention easily pulled in every which way. Shadowheart saunters towards him.

“You’re rather obvious, Blade of Frontiers. I thought a folk hero would have a little more suave about these matters.”

Wyll clears his throat.

“...I don’t know what you’re referring too.”

Shadowheart laughs good-naturedly.

“Sure you don’t.”

___

There are few times you take your proper werewolf form.

It’s an accommodation thing from Wyll’s understanding. People are frightened less of full wolves or your humanoid forms. The hybridized version of yourself is what people find the most monstrous, and so - you’ve gotten used to putting on the shelf.

The only time you take that form is when you hunt for meat. It’s easy enough to get ahold of other camp supplies - like liquor or vegetables if they’re lucky. But meat is hard to find, especially hard to find where it hasn’t got spoiled. Astarion hunts only out of necessity, so he’s not really any help.

You hunt because it’s natural to you. A life of pilgrimage and spent in a Selunite enclave has gifted you the knowledge of preserving meats, too. When you’re camped out near enough forest - you’ll hunt. Most often before a long stretch of travel, you’ll go into the woods alone and disappear - returning with a feast. No one goes with you. In the forest, among fallen trees and soil - you’ll gut and skin the prey. You’ll bring back the final products, clean hides and things to turn to leather and meat ready for curing. It’s to prevent any more unusual bloodshed from occurring at camp. More sanitary, you always say.

Wyll has no intention of following you tonight while he knows you’re hunting. His interest in the woods is to scope them out one last time before you leave this place for good, keep it in his memory and prepare for the road ahead.

When he hears the sound of a faint growling, he thinks for a minute you’ve been injured or are in some kind of danger.

The moon is shining just enough to cast light on your form. He figures out quickly you’re safe.

There’s nothing new to see. Thick, crimson blood makes a mess of your appearance - dripping down your fangs. It sticks and matts in your fur, covering your face in messy splatters. Your werewolf form is your most monstrous. Unnatural limbs and features - a form like a human but the face and ferocity of a wolf.

In front of you are corpses of animals, bled out and laid in a pile. The scent of blood is so strong Wyll can smell it from a distance away. It’s a distance you’d usually be able to smell Wyll from, but it must be masked by the smell of copper and flesh.

The moon has waned, nearly to its fullest. You turn yourself towards the black sky of midnight, towards the moon - and you howl. It is a loud, tremendous sound.

Wyll has never heard you howl before. It’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard in his life. An elongated melody, deep from your chest - high and throaty. You howl to the sky. You howl to the moon. To your goddess, most certainly. You howl in the version of yourself everyone finds most disgusting. The monster in you is alive and bare-chested to the world. Stood on your two feet, all matted fur and eyes like beams of light - you howl towards the sky.

And Wyll watches. Listens. Commits the sound to memory.

In the version of yourself that is so embraced by monstrosity, you howl like a song to the moon you so adore.

He’s never found you so beautiful.

___

Time moves differently in the Shadowfell lands.

Slower. In every other part of Fae’run, the nights and days don’t blur into each other. But here, in the abandoned and unyielding darkness - everything feels thick. Muddy. The soil that does not dampen, the trees that do not grow leaves. Instead of preserved amber, there is only shadow. It swallows everything, every place in the land.

The upward battle of survival persists. The Harpers have (barely) welcomed you into the Last Light Inn. Flaming Fist Marcus is dead, and the Moon Maiden has given her her blessing. You’ve even been able to give Karlach her first upgrade.

The air speaks for itself though, that you’re nearing something important. The beginning of something. Or the end, though Wyll sways towards hope and optimism.

In the presence of darkness and solace, -Wyll finds that you remain yourself. Bright and clear and comforting, even in the face of impending doom.

Your camp in the Shadowfell lands is brightened by artificial lights. It spans over more land now. The main area which hosts all of your companions lies at the foot of an abandoned building. An abandoned house, torn by vines of shadowfell and roots. The base of camp is spread over dusty ashen floors, everything colored gray.

When it’s time to rest, most lights remain on. He finds it’s easier to sleep with Selune’s blessing.

Tonight, Wyll can't get any rest at all. He’s still awake while his companions have fallen asleep. He opens his eyes to the skies. They lack the deep shades of purple of a normal night sky, unmistakably dark.

His eyes remain lidded as he takes a look at his surroundings. Shadowheart is asleep, and Astarion is deep enough in meditation that Wyll doubts he’d noticed if he walked off. Among his companions, you’re missing from your bedroll.

Wyll sits up as quietly as he can. He looks towards your tent, to see if you’ve woken up to sleep inside - but doesn’t find you there either. His brow tightens, shoulders tense as he blinks rapidly trying to wake himself up.

There aren’t many places in this camp to go, despite the terrain being wider. The other tent occupants remain in place. From where Wyll stands you’re not with anyone else like Karlach or Halsin.

There’s only one more place that would leave you.

Through a curve and another straight path are wood stairs. At the top is a skeleton of an old house. One that stood long before the curse, and remains long after.

Wyll has never gone there on his own. He only saw it once while they’d settled in for the first time. There’s nothing inside of it. A fireplace, a broken cupboard and cabinet. A table and chair, and two old beds that have gone rickety overtime.

He ducks his head as he enters through what must’ve once been a door.

It occurs to him he’s never really seen you pray. Not fully at least. Though you utter it on occasion, the words of your goddess - you tend to speak them lightly. Wyll gathers its out of respect for Shadowheart.

He finds you on the edge of a large bed in the center of the room. You’re in your humanoid form, with only your ears and tail and teeth - your hands are clasped tightly around a necklace. The fireplace is burning, but it’s not what illuminates you.

All around you though is a pale blue glow, like the moon itself has surrounded you with all of its might. You’re quiet in incantation - the warmth of a smile lighting up your features. You’re not in your usual nightwear of a loose shirt and pants. Instead you wear the silk of a slip and something like a Selunite robe, open. Wyll has seen so much of your skin before, everything past your knees barren. But its a new feeling. Your neck and shoulders are just the same, your hand on your chest ducking from view.

You breathe deeply, before your eyes flutter open and see him at the door. You smile at him.

“You’re awake,” You say first, letting go of the necklace chain. “Hope everything’s alright?”

“Sorry. And yes, everything is fine - I had just woken up and couldn’t find you,” Wyll feels flush as he adds the rest to the conversation “And I uhm. Well I was worried something might have happened.”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I figured everyone would be asleep so I didn’t bother telling anyone,” You say apologetically “Our Silver Lady called to me so I felt I ought to answer.”

You pause before laughing. “Wait, sit first. Unless you’re going back to sleep right away.”

Wyll shakes his head as your grin widens making his heart feel rather funny.

He sits next to you, fond as you bring your leg up and face him. Your back rests on the broken wood at the foot of the bed. You’ve tidied the room a bit, and these sheets don’t have as much dust as they did when you first got here.

Wyll mirrors your actions, sitting with a leg up - bent at the knee as he stares at you.

“You said your goddess called to you?”

“Ah, yes,” Your voice is uncharacteristically shy. Wyll can’t help but stare at the bare crook of your knees. “Shadowheart had mentioned it. There’s something in these lands. And well, wherever Shar goes, Selune will follow and all. Don’t really know what it means, though. Bit of mystery.”

“You’re a cleric, right?” Wyll asks, taking a brief moment to assess and remember all the little details about yourself you’ve told him.

When he thinks of it, there’s so much about you he doesn’t know. Though he feels you know everything there is to know about him. It’s not that you’re secretive, but it’s rare to get a moment alone. Harder to find a moment appropriate to air out your past.

Alone with you in this shadowy, dimly lit room - Wyll hopes time will slow. Long enough to know something more about you, at least.

“Right. I try not to crutch too much on my magic so I tend to stick to fighting,” You say with a laugh “I also had to learn physical combat and martial arts. It feels like a waste not to use.”

“I see,” Wyll says with a thoughtful hum “But you are a cleric, all the same. Quite an impressive title to bestow on someone, I’d imagine.”

“Ah, truthfully - I find it a bit difficult,” You reply sheepishly, surprising Wyll.“I’m sort of simple, all things considered. I thought I’d be my Lady’s sword or just part of her clergy, but I never imagined I’d do anything so important. Or have powers so great.”

The sound of your voice feels especially pleasant to Wyll like this, murmurs just between you with no threat of doom. Like between these broken wooden planks, is a peace impenetrable. He likes being with you.

“Before your capture, were you? Set out to do something important, I mean,”

“Importance is relative. But, it was a mission I was proud taking,” You reply thoughtfully. A confirmation of the sanctity in your character for you to make such a distinction. “I had been sent by my clergy to wander Faerun - to aid other lycanthropes and those touched by madness or ailment.

“You alone had been sent?

You nod, staring down at your hands folded in your lap.

“Aye, me alone. I’d wandered around for several years when I was sent away before the ship had captured me. I was on my way to Baldur’s Gate as part of it,”

“Where do you hail from?”

“Amn. There’s a few small Selunite enclaves there. Mama was a Silverstar, which is mostly a pretty word for a very powerful priestess. My fate was divined when I was seventeen and the rest is history.”

“Seventeen is young. What was your final destination then? Or was it more of a wandering practice.”

“After some years, I was hoping to get to Waterdeep actually. Big church for Selune over there, very beautiful.” Your voice teeters on wistful, blooming with longing and nostalgia. You peek at Wyll through your lashes. “In that way, we have a lot in common.”

“A lot in common. Do you really think so?”

“Mm, I do. Banished at seventeen, a monster inside us, some sort of tragic background. We make a fun pair.”

“I didn’t know there was a tragic story in yours. To the extent you could call it one,” Wyll says quietly. You give Wyll a look. Though he doesn’t pressure you to expand on it, you seem relaxed enough to talk about it.

You close your eyes briefly, letting them flutter open.

“It was a year into my pilgrimage, I think,” You explore, a soft sadness tender in your expression. Wyll sits up a little straighter, readying himself to receive whatever you wish to tell him. “A small village in the Dalelands. Young girl, about seven. Her village had ostracized her. By the time I arrived, she was emaciated. Clever little thing had survived on her own but barely,”

Wyll waits patiently for you to continue, not wanting to interrupt you even briefly. He softens his gaze.

“Anyway. When I go anywhere new, the basic practice is meeting locals. Depending on the circumstances, I won’t always disclose my wolven ways. Some people - they need guidance, others they need protection. In her case, she needed both,” You look far away somehow. Wyll feels empathy as much as he feels warmth. Your care for the human condition, he always finds, touches him. “She was much smarter than me, you know. Her lycanthropy was inherited like mine, but because she was so young - she had a difficult time controlling it.”

You pause to take a long, deep, steadying breath. “She was my little genius. I cared for her an awful lot. Still do. She beat me at lanceboard all the time, despite being seven and I wasn’t even letting her win you know.”

“She must’ve been even more brilliant than I could imagine.” Wyll offers. You nod.

“Despite my efforts, the relationship between her and her village wasn’t getting better. One day, I’d left her in my chambers for a while - to bring something back from a market nearby. Less than a few hours, and she’d been uhm,” Your voice starts to close. Wyll follows his instinct, squeezing your hand where it rests on your knee. It’s shaking when he reaches for it. He thinks briefly about kissing it. “She’d been killed,”

Wyll pauses, lets you collect yourself. But he wants to know as much as you’ll tell him.

“It was easy enough to figure out who’d done it. And in small villages like that, the hivemind bullshit and paranoia really gets to people,” Your voice intones on bitterness. Angry and heartbroken, you continue “Grown men raising an ax to kill a little girl. I almost lost my mind. I should’ve.”

“But you didnt…? Or did you? In a situation like that, well,” Wyll looks at you sympathetically. “Any choice you made I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“I only punished the one who killed her. I didn’t kill him no matter how much I wanted to. I don’t think she would’ve wanted that. Not her or my goddess,” You say with a deep sigh. “I used my magic and blinded him. Made an example out of him and reprimanded the rest of those fucking idiots.”

“And after?”

You clear your throat, but smile at him. Like you’re grateful he hasn’t recoiled from it.

“After, I buried her body in the soft earth, in the place where the moon shone most brightly - and mourned. Her death was so severe I couldn’t revive or heal her, I just buried…her. I thought about doing plenty of other shit. To kill, to chase, to defend - but ultimately, it felt more…meaningful just to… bury her.”

Wyll frowns, pausing. He squeezes your hand, eyes closed. Brows furrowed as he looks down.

“I’m sorry,”

You smile at him. Noticing the hand in yours finally, you even flush - though the moment passes quickly. Wyll stares at you in quiet, wondering if his eyes alone could tell you all he’s thinking. With you, his silver tongue is absent. His mouth is weighed too heavily with feelings sincere, with words meaningful.

Wyll cannot offer you cleverness or comfort where he wishes to offer you honesty.

“That night, the Moonmaiden had called to me. Just like today. It’s hard to explain what it feels like? Like a cool hand on feverish skin. It was a revelation for me. I had suddenly felt so empty. And, after some sobbing, I’d realized something,” You say whimsically, drawing circles into the back of Wyll’s hand.

“What did you realize?” He prompts.

“Our Lady of Silver believes in the carving and following of our own path. But, what had I done but what was told of me? All my life I’d spent in the temple, in the monastery - among people of my own faith and beliefs. In the moment in which I felt so much anger, I didn’t know what to do. I was lost. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel. Not on purpose, but that was the truth. I swore myself too soon to duty rather than the convictions of my heart—I’d lacked real purpose.”

Wyll smiles at you, brightened by the gusto in which you speak. He’s endeared by you all too easily.

“And the convictions of your heart? Have you found them?” He asks, head tilted.

“Not all of them. But you know I figured out one thing. I want to make the world a less lonely place. Her death will never not bear weight on my mind, but her tiny hand thanking me for staying with her. That was something, I’m damn sure. Maybe all of it,”

He stares at you, speaking in quiet murmurs. You’re glowing, he thinks. You must be.

“It’s a noble thing to want. At least to me.”

“I’m glad you think so. My goddess has given me these divine powers, so my duty will always be to help people. But more than that - I want to guide the sick and afraid like the Moonmaiden guides me. I want to make it less difficult for people.”

“You’re awfully wise at times like this.”

“Wise?” You laugh lightly. “I’ve never heard that for me before. More used to hearing stuff like hard-headed, pack runt, cry baby. So on and so forth. But I’ll cherish it before you change your mind.”

“Do you feel fulfilled here? Becoming a hero of a city, saving so many people - surely that too aligns with your convictions”

“Asking an awful lot about me,” You tease finally. Wyll is hard-pressed to deny it. It’s so obvious. “But I do. I’d say managing to become Astarion’s friend is a high enough accomplishment with regards to you know, my convictions and all. It’s honestly like my life’s work. He even pets me now. Willingly!”

Wyll laughs loudly at the sudden excitement in your voice. You haven’t let go of his hand, he notices.

He hopes you don’t.

“Quite an impressive feat, certainly. But I am a little hurt. Does our bond not incite a similar sense of accomplishments and vigor in you?” He teases.

You pretend to consider it.

“The Blade of Frontiers, my most important companion.” You respond, with just as much cheekiness. “Calling it an accomplishment might be too egotistical.”

“What else do you suppose you’d call it?”

“Fate, maybe,” You say, though your voice is hardly above a murmur now. “Somehow, the fact we’ve met feels more like a very lucky chance, I reckon.”

“You feel so strongly about it?” Wyll says, more than asks. Because somehow it feels too much like a dream.

“Of course. I feel strongly about you in general,” You respond, and still don’t let go of his hand. You say it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world “I feel strongly about us. And all we’ve seen, together. I feel strongly that regardless of all the darkness, the moon waits for me and that I’m very lucky to have met you.”

Wyll feels his heart jump into his throat. Hardly a confession, yet his heart pounds. The longing is ceaseless.

In all the time you’ve spent together, Wyll has had all the time in the world to witness you. In your bravery and in your cowardice. At the best of yourself, and at the worst. Wyll has seen you lie when you’d rather be honest. He’s seen you cry countlessly for the deaths of people you’ve never known. He’s seen you tear through flesh and bone. He’s seen you as a furred creature laid on your back so Halsin would rub your stomach. He’s seen you as tenderly, achingly human.

Wyll has seen so much of you. And perhaps more than that - you have seen so much of him. Parts of himself even he has no access to. A passing comment of how dashing his horns look, a pat on the shoulder when you pass a father and son. You see Wyll even when he forgets to see himself.

Between you, there is no question that he is lucky. The luckiest man on Toril.

“You know, when everything is through. Not if, but when,” Wyll says slowly and carefully. “I want to remain by your side. Wherever that road leads. I want us to be together or travel together. Though I don’t know what that would look like,”

You give him a look of surprise, then a teasing smile - titling your head to one side.

“I might go somewhere you don’t want to follow, Ravengard. I’m a wanderer at heart.”

“Impossible. I’ve already followed you here, remember?” Wyll says with a smile, eyes meeting yours “As long as we’re together, no place is too dark nor too treacherous.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“There’d be no greater honor.”

When Myrkul falls, the world is silent.

For a first time, in a long time - the Shadowfell lands do not whisper the regrets of the dead. Instead, the remaining shadow swallowing the world begins to finally clear. In gradual steps, life returns to the land at Moonrise.

And this is in no small part thanks to you.

Though, Wyll watches you as you insist the glory is split between your party equally. You’re all heroes, and you couldn’t have done it without them by your side. Wyll knows you mean that.

It was you who took down the foes at Moonrise towers in slow increments, that planned and slaughtered until there was nothing left of it. It was you who destroyed the Thorms one by one. You who allowed Wyll to break Mizora’s pact. You who completed the gauntlet of Shar, who saved the Nightsong with your own two hands. That helped Astarion with the letters on his back, and that prevented Gale from using his orb - because you were so certain you all could win without it.

It was your touch and kindness that gave Shadowheart grace enough to throw away her Sharran roots, to throw away her past and embrace her own convictions just like you had promised to embrace yours.

The world has not been saved. The journey to the end has only become more perilous. But in the palm of your hand is the Netherstone of the fallen general - and an entire allegiance waiting to follow you into battle. The world has not been saved, and it is only bound to get more treacherous.

But for now, you’ve accomplished something great - and Wyll is proud to be alongside you for all of the rest, as you move onto things even greater.

For now, all of you remain at camp. A two day extended break before venturing towards the city. Among your camp now is the famed harper Jaehira and more importantly - Dame Aylin, the chosen of your goddess. And the cleric Isobel, her lover, of course.

Dame Aylin’s arrival at your camp has sparked plenty of interesting conversations. Revelations of Shadowheart’s identity aside (something you’ve been helping her through), Dame Aylin is not just a fellow Selunite - but the daughter of your beloved goddess. Not only have you just saved her life, you’ve freed her from thousands of years of torment.

Wyll doesn’t think he’s ever seen you so utterly awe-struck in your adventure together, even once. You’re a hard person to shake in many ways, and you’re excitable - but nearly never truly awestruck like the way you have been for the last two days.

Wyll is listening in on the interaction from afar, only taking small peeks at you as you, Shadowheart, Dame Aylin and Isobel crowd around in your tent. Your tail is swishing so helplessly behind you Wyll can’t help but laugh.

“God. You’ve been staring like a dumb puppy for two days now,” Shadowheart teases, rubbing your head with her hand “You’re going to catch flies with your jaw like that.”

“Ah, I’m sorry,” You say, a little embarrassed. Wyll smiles to himself as he pretends to read, thankful to be in earshot “I’m sorry, I’m just… It was already nice meeting another Selunite but…I could live a thousand lives and not meet you Miss Aylin.”

“Your formality is misplaced. Aylin is just fine. We are comrades in all regards, both in our faith and in arms. I’m thankful you’ve given us a place to stay for the time being,”

“Camp welcomes all as policy. It helps to have allies and in lands like these, seems a little cruel to leave people to the wilds. Though soon that won’t be an issue,”

“You’ve accomplished something incredible,” Isobel praises. Wyll glances at you, a warmth settling in his chest at the surprise you seem to feel. “Lifting the curse from these lands, it was no small task.”

“It was all of our contribution! I’m just glad we’re a little bit closer to getting rid of these pests.” You lament with a dramatic sigh “And I’m excited to be in a place where I can feel the presence of the moon again.”

“It must be hard on you,” Isobel says sympathetically. You smile.

“I can hardly imagine,” Aylin adds, shaking her head. “There is perhaps some small blessing in the fact you’re gifted with control, but the effects that these lands must have on your body. May She ease your burden.”

Shadowheart gives you a look of confusion. “You know, you’ve mentioned this to me before - but I don’t actually know how it affects your conditions,” Her frown deepens. “A little hypocritical given how much you know about me at this point, I think.”

You look surprised then flattered. “It was never worth mentioning. My body has certain cycles that are affected by the moon. Similar to the tide. After 6 tendays, I go through something like.. a fever as a result of a full moon. Though I’ve been suppressing it with medication, my body at a certain point needs to expel it.”

“A fever?”

This catches Wyll’s attention. You’ve mentioned your condition in passing and always left the details vague (something Wyll is extra aware of given your love of being open in most everything) so this is the most he’s ever heard about it. He stops turning pages and tunes in completely.

“Sort of. The details aren’t important, really. I’ve gone through it for years, so I’m more than used to it. Especially on the road,” You explain, waving your hand. “Silver Lady bless me, I don’t think it’ll begin until we’re in the city at least. Near civilization and all.”

“Do you need anything from us?” Shadowheart probes with obv. Lately when it comes to you, she doesn’t bother feigning indifference.

“No, it’s okay. I’m used to it! I was going to mention it though soon, so I guess it’s a good thing it came up,” You lean back on your palms, legs crossed as you close your eyes. “I’ll be gone for about a tenday. I’ll leave my tent here and just pack some essentials and fuck off to the woods. Like I said, I’ve been doing it for years.”

Shadowhearts frown deepens, as does Wylls.

“That was then and this is now. You’re a rather wanted individual, will that be safe? A tenday of solo travel?”

You give Shadowheart a delighted look before tackling her with a hug. She almost topples over but manages to keep herself upright as you hug and nuzzle her. She doesn’t push you off in any case. You laugh warmly, resting your chin on her shoulder.

“You’re really worried about me? Little old me? Have you opened your heart to me after all?” You say through a giggle, earning a few laughs from Dame Aylin and Isobel. You finally pull away to look at her. “I promise I will be completely fine. My senses around that time are extremely heightened. I’m feverish but it’s very difficult to catch me off-guard enough for some kind of ambush. Worst case scenario, I shift and run away.”

Shadowheart does not seem comforted by this. Wyll feels the same, thankful she’s being so adamant about it.

“I don’t like those odds,” She says with her arms crossed. “Is there no one you can bring with you?”

When she says that, you turn to Wyll. Your eyes lock briefly. You look a little startled, but relax once you realize that it’s him. Wyll is a little startled too, embarrassed by his own staring. He can only hope you didn’t notice how obviously he was moments prior. You take a minute to consider him, your gaze raking over him. It’s a split second, barely noticeable - but afterwards you flush. It happens so quickly that Wyll wonders if he’s imagined the entire thing.

You laugh and Wyll swears it sounds nervous.

“I get a little…aggressive during that time.” You say dismissively. “It’s best to leave me to my own devices. I promise you I will be perfectly fine.”

“I don’t know how much I believe that, but I’ll try to put my faith in you. Don’t make me worry while these damn parasites are still in our heads.”

You throw your head back and laugh brilliantly.

“I’ll make it back to you in one piece,” You say, holding your pinky out. Shadowheart hooks her own into yours with a blush. “I promise on the Moonmaiden herself.”

Shadowheart sighs, resting her head on your shoulder. Your smile grows ten sizes.

“You better.”

The journey, of course, does not get any easier.

You’ve barely made it to Rivington. Barely. Not only have you had to fight off a camp of hateful githyanki and earned the ire of an alien goddess - you’ve just found out the person protecting you is a mindflayer.

After a tremendous amount of difficult information launched at the lot of you, you’ve managed to regain your bearings (some kind of miracle, Wyll thinks). You’ve made it to Rivington. Finally.

Hells. What a troublesome situation.

You’ve been in Rivington for a few days now, though you haven’t made it far. After being at the circus and a somewhat harrowing fight with a shapeshifting clown, you decide to put up for the night. Before nightfall, you announced to everyone at camp that you’d be disappearing for your supposed fever. You can feel it coming on, and by the time it starts - traveling will be difficult.

Everyone has had their own way of fussing over you. Gale has given you some scrolls of his own curation. Astarion silently handed you one of his favorite daggers and a pack of expensive arrows. Lae’zel has given you some potions, testing your reflexes with you before your disappearance. Shadowheart gives you as many healing potions as she can, and her blessing with the help of Dame Aylin. Karlach has little to offer you in terms of things, instead knocking your heads together and telling you to scream as loud as you can if anything happens - and she’ll come running no matter what happens. Halsin has dried some food for you ahead of time, ever the planning kind.

Wyll only gives you a long look of concern. Most of the conversation between you is had with eyes, a soft glance meeting a concerned one. With Wyll, you hold his hand and assure him that you’ll be fine - and to take care of them in your short absence. You hug him extra tight before you leave.Wyll is forced to let you disappear.

It’s really not like Wyll to be so invasive on another person's business. He knows he can be a busybody when it comes to helping someone but for the most part - he’ll respect a person's wishes. If someone doesn’t want intervention, it’s not Wyll’s place to force it on them. He's learned from experience that sometimes it makes the situation worse.

But shit, the worry has been eating Wyll alive. He could hardly sit still in the brief two hours you had disappeared. The rest of the party have regrouped in your absence. Gale, Astarion, Shadowheart and Lae’zel - while Karlach and Wyll planned to stay behind. Wyll had wanted to go but Astarion wouldn’t allow him. Said his pining would get in the way of everything. He’s off his game, and it’s best to wait till you return.

It’s getting closer to evening, the sun beginning to set. Wyll just can’t sit still. There’s no way a tenday is going to pass like this without Wyll effectively losing his mind.

Just as the sky begins to be painted orange, Wyll troubles Shadowheart in the middle of her meditations.

One of her eyes opens as she breaks her concentration, an amused smile showing on her face.

“That was quick,” She says first, looking up at Wyll from where she’s kneeled. “I thought you’d wait at least a day,”

“Pardon?”

Shadowheart laughs. “Oh, to chase them down I mean. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but this is a little fast even for you, Ravengard.”

Wyll doesn’t know how to feel about that.

“My apologies for being predictable,” Wyll says with a sigh. “But since you were anticipating it, I have to ask if you know anything. Where they’d be. Anything.”

“This is exactly why they didn’t tell you, you know? Not that I’m not worried about them too,” Shadowheart says with a sigh. “But they were clear. They need a tenday alone.”

Wyll looks at her. “I’ve never been like this before, either. I don’t understand it, but I haven’t been able to take my mind off it despite my efforts. Regardless of what you tell me, it seems like I’m going to follow them,”

“Oh, please,” Shadowheart says, standing up and dusting herself off as she looks at him directly “You don’t know why? Don’t you think it’s time to be a little more honest with yourself, Wyll? I mean really.”

Wyll widens his eyes, a little taken aback by it. He flushes, rubbing the back of his neck with his palm. He scrunches his brow a bit, unsure of what to say to defend himself.

“Well, I am aware of why, I suppose. But it’s,” He fumbles in the process of trying to say anything sensible. “It’s new.. I didn’t think I was this sort of person. Something along those lines. It’s not that I don’t have confidence in them, but this isn’t something they need to endure alone.”

“Not when you’re there for them, I’m guessing,”

Wyll smiles a little sheepishly. “Yes. I respect their privacy. I’ll turn back if they ask me too,”

“Oh, don’t worry, that was easy enough to figure out.” Shadowheart teases. Wyll covers his face. Is he a schoolboy, being teased about his crush like this? How ridiculous. “At least you know.”

He sighs.

“Will you at least tell me what you know?”

“I’m still thinking about it.” Shadowheart says thoughtfully. She makes an exaggerated gesture of contemplating the situation before shrugging. “Hm. You know, I’ve entered a totally new chapter of my life - so, out of the kindness of my heart I’ll tell you what I know.”

“Thank you.” Wyll says truly grateful. Shadowheart gives him what Wyll thinks of as a semi-fond smile. He hopes this means she approves of whatever is going on. You two are close as ever, so it does matter to Wyll how she feels about it.

“They were rather vague about the situation,” Shadowheart says honestly. “But they did tell me the direction they were going to travel. There’ll be marks in the trees so they can make their way back if something happens. If you can find where they started, it should be easy enough to find where they end up. That’s all I know. Good luck.”

“Thank you, Shadowheart.”

“Oh and, go pack some things of your own before you go. Just in case you end up staying.”

“Right. I’ll do that now.”

“I’ll let everyone know so leave as soon as you can.”

“It looks like I'll be owing you quite a few favors.” Wyll offers. Shadowheart smiles.

“Of course. Nothing in life is free. But go, shoo. You should go before it gets too dark.”

Wyll gives her one last look of gratitude before hurrying to prepare a pack.

Wyll barely makes it before the darkness settles in.

There’s enough moonlight to guide him through the tricky paths of the forest. Let the record show, Wyll has no idea how you’ve navigated through here. Like Shadowheart had promised him - the trees began to be marked once Wyll found your paw prints on the ground. On each tree was a the slashing of a sharp dagger.

Despite the clear path you laid out, the terrain is utterly unforgiving for the longest time. Had the signs of you not been in front of him, Wyll would’ve given up on the affair. This is saying something, because his time as the Blade of Frontiers was far from a life of luxury.

It’s difficult but the promise of Wyll’s good eye laying its gaze on you is enough to push him through to the end of the journey.

Eventually, eventually - the path clears. The trees start to become sparse and the area starts to flatten to something walkable. The dirt hardens underneath his feet and his muscles no longer drag.

Before Wyll lays eyes on you, he hears you.

There’s a campfire, and the shelter of a borrowed tent. You’ve laid out plenty of old rags and bedsheets - layers and layers of dusty fabric and old pillows giving you a cushion from where you’re curled up on a tree.

Before Wyll can see you in the faint glow of fire, the only thing his mind can pay attention to is the sound of your voice.

A pained whimper, so loud and high pitched - Wyll is shocked he didn’t hear it some distance ago. You’re practically shaking, short snarls and desperate yowls between hard pants.You sound like you’re suffering something grave. It’s nothing he’s ever heard in your time together, despite the horrific injuries you’ve endured. Even at near death, Wyll has never heard more than labored breathing and groans.

It’s pure distress, so broken it rings in his ears. His concern grows ten sizes.

He decides then that no matter what you tell him, he won’t be able to go back to camp to leave you alone.

He fights the urge with his body to run towards you, remembering the state you’re in. Prone to aggression and high-alert, Wyll forces himself to approach you slowly.

As soon as he’s within range of you, your entire body lurches forward to sit up. Your eyes open, wide and nearly feral - searching erratically. Wyll pauses, no longer in a soft crouch. He stands to full attention. When you finally look at him, your chest shakes with an exhale. You lean back against the tree behind you where you’re curled, shaking.

“Fuck,” You cover your nose first, pressing your arm against it as you curl away from him instinctively. Wyll feels a mix of guilt and worry. “Fuck, what in the Hells are you doing here? Was it Shadowheart? Even—even though I told her,”

He moves in just a step closer. “I asked her. But I intended to find you even if you didn’t tell me. I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop thinking about what might happen,”

“Shit, don’t get any closer. I-I’m already, shit,” You hold up a hand, though your entire body is fragile. Weak, even from this distance. “Don’t move. You,” Another labored breath “Go back.”

Wyll stills, but doesn’t budge. His frown deepens. “You don’t have to endure this alone,” He steps closer. “I’m here for you,”

“It’s not about—fuck,” You curl into yourself, turning your face away from him. “It’s n-not about that. Not personal. You need to get out of here, Wyll, please. Please listen to me and, and go.”

Wyll wants to ask how he could leave you in this condition, but the desperation in your voice stops him. He feels uncertain, but his body - his mind, won’t listen to him.

“Tell me what’s happening to you,” Wyll pleads. He wants to run to you. He hates seeing you in this much pain. He wants to hold you, his heart is practically pounding. “Are you in pain?”

Your expression strains, but you force your gaze towards him. Your eyes are wide. They shine with water and wetness, your tearstained expression landing on his face.

“Fuck, Wyll, you - I’m in heat. So d-don’t come any closer. Go, go—please, I’m begging.”

Heat. Wyll knows little about the cycles of werewolves. But he knows about wolves, and other animals at least. Heat. A period of heightened sexual reception during mating season. Wyll pauses, then blinks. His stomach drops, heart quickening.

Shit. Shit.

“You’re in…heat.”

“Y-yes. And it lasts for a tenday, so you need to listen to me and get out of here. Now.”

Wyll doesn’t move.

“Would,” Wyll swallows the thick feeling in his throat. “If someone else had come. Would you have,”

He hardly knows what he’s asking. But it seems you do, because you open your eyes - in utter distress and shake your head.

“No,” You shake your head and hold your breath, trying to calm yourself as you breathe. You focus on breathing only out of your mouth. “Just you.” You close your eyes again and continue to tremble. “Please. Please go, Wyll.”

He comes closer. Your voice croaks as you try to shout at him, though the words are too faint to be called that. Nonthreatening and utterly desperate.

“No, no, no—please,” Your words become a sob, and Wyll feels his heart start to crack a little. “You don’t understand. It h-hurts. If you get too close, if you—”

“What is it?” He gets close enough to be within real range of you. There’s only a few feet of distance between you. Wyll kneels so he’s not looming over you, looking over you with concern. “What’s wrong?”

You shake and shake and shake, closing your eyes - tearing your gaze away from him. Your lower lips waver, both hands covering your face as you cry.

“Your s-scent,” You heave, trying to push back against the tree. “It’ll make me want to t-touch you. And I can’t. I can’t and—I want too. So badly, you’re so close, please stay away. It’s cruel, so cruel to me,”

Wyll feels his own voice almost give out. Seeing you like this. So desperate. Needy. The guilt is outweighed by another feeling he chooses not to name.

“You can touch me,” He assures.

You sob.

“Not just touch. Wyll, please, go.”

“Hells,” He comes closer towards you and you flinch. “I’m not so clueless. I know what you meant. It’s alright.”

Your eyes flicker open in disbelief.

“You,” You look at him through teary eyes. “I-it’s important to you to... With someone you love. Not like this.”

“Gods, who else but you? I love you,” Wyll says with his own voice nearly shot. Your eyes widen in disbelief. “Of course I love you. I want to be with you for the rest of our lives.”

“Wyll,” You sob for a different reason this time. “I love you. I w-want you, I want you.”

“Tell me. Can I touch you?”

“Please,” You’re so tender like this. Wyll has never seen it in his life. It’d be unimaginable, had he not witnessed.

Strong and capable and brave and rowdy - reduced to a fragile, pleading mess.

Wyll doesn’t know how to touch you. If he were more honest with himself in the moment - more sensible, he’d admit this to you in a quiet secret. He doesn’t have room for doubt now, so Wyll is gentle when he reaches for you. He pulls your wrists from where they’re glued to you, unfurls your form slowly and looks closely at your face. He guides your hands around his neck and brings you towards him. With slow, careful maneuvering - he sits down with you.

Holding you in his embrace, he brings you into his lap - sitting where you once were. Until you’re over his own, resting your full weight against his. Your knees rest on either side of his thighs, straddling him. You look at Wyll from above, your lower lip still quivering.

“It’s alright,” He says, hands on your waist but not moving “Take what you need,”

With a wordless whimper, you grab the fabric of Wyll’s clothing, light armor that he changed into before leaving - tight enough he can feel the tension in fabric. You lean in, your eyes shut tightly and press your nose along the side of his neck. Wyll can feel you bump against this jaw. He tilts his head back to give you more access to him. His body is hot with your sudden proximity, your own skin completely feverish from need. You inhale, so deeply and so wantonly Wyll doesn’t know what else to do other than sit and let you.

The thought passes. Like a mutt. Like a puppy. You breathe Wyll in like it’s the only thing keeping you alive, grinding instinctively on his lap. Something that he overlooks for the sake of being the sane one between you.

“You,” Your voice has calmed down a fair bit, though it's just as thick as it was before. “Shit, it’s so good.”

Your grip on his clothes tighten. Wyll rubs a soothing hand on your waist, still over your clothes. You continue it, taking deep breaths of him like a life-line until your grip starts to loosen. You’re no longer shaking at least. You pull away from him with wet pleading eyes, butting your forehead with his. Wyll winces, but bites back a smile at you once he realizes you’re a tad bit more sobered up.

“What in the hells are you doing here?” You interrogate.

“Are you alright?” Wyll says, ignoring your first question. “Has it gone down?”

“It comes in waves. The first wave has passed, but the second one will hit soon enough. Five minutes if I had to guess,” You say, shaking your head. You fix your gaze on him. Wyll suddenly becomes aware of your proximity (or lack thereof). “Why are you here, Wyll?”

“Why? A better question is how could I not be here?” Wyll says carefully, examining your every expression. “An ominous sickness, traveling alone for an entire tenday when we’ve all spent our entire journey together. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, but I couldn’t sit back quietly while I was so worried for your safety.”

“Like I told you and everyone else, I’m fine. I’ve been handling heats alone since I started puberty. It’s not a very pretty sight,” You pout shyly. Wyll finds it utterly adorable. “And well, it’s not like I can announce to everyone I’m in literal heat. Fever is easier.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve invaded your privacy. If I had known,” He clears his throat, looking away from you “If I had known it was something like this, I would’ve approached it more delicately.”

“My brain is too heat-addled to be properly embarrassed, which is lucky - because I’m definitely going to be pissed when this is over.” You say, clutching the front of his shirt again. “Everything is all out of order now.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You’re the one going on about keeping things old school, you know.”

“Well yes. But it’s not for any reason so rigid,” Wyll reaches his hand to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing underneath your eyes. “These sorts of affairs are more enchanting when the love is there. That’s the part that matters.”

“You’re not disappointed that the first time we’re touching each other is because I’m this desperate to touch you?”

“I just like being able to hold you. For any reason at all,” Wyll says honestly, then adds. “And well, if I were to be frank, seeing you in this state is… rousing. In its own right.”

You flush, and mumble. “Pervert.”

He forgives the comment just as you’ve forgiven him for his intrusion. He looks at you tenderly, heart swelling so much it’s almost overflowing.

“Will you allow me to stay by your side?”

“This goes on for a tenday. And it doesn’t get any easier. Do you really know what you’re asking? Do you have that kind of stamina?”

Wyll smiles at you. He wants to kiss you.

“Around something as enticing as you, stamina should pose no issue.” He flirts.

“Gods, Wyll - where’d you learn to talk like that?”

He smiles cheekily. “Esoteric erotica novels from my fathers chambers, mostly. Overhearing things at Sharesses Caress helped too.”

You giggle a little bit. This time you’re the one leaning into him.

“The waves will get longer and more intense. They peak around the fourth day and begin to mellow out at the start of the fifth,” You give him a look before looking away, profusely embarrassed. “Uhm. The only thing that soothes it is, well, you know. I mean I get really… I cry a lot.”

Wyll doesn’t communicate to you the fact he knows. He did just see after all, and it’s not like he particularly enjoys seeing you suffer. He’s not that sort of man, but. He likes taking care of you, in all aspects. You’ve had to take care of yourself for so long. It feels good that he’s allowed into something that you’ve kept private all this time.

It’s fair if he’s a little cocky about it, he thinks.

“You can show me everything about yourself and I won’t turn my gaze away from you. Nothing could make me look away,”

You pout again. Wyll notices you do it when you’re feeling especially embarrassed. He opts not to say anything, just smiles.

You take a deep, shaky breath. “It’s going to start again soon. Everything is fine with me, just—stay close. Close enough that I can tuck into you.”

“Something to do with my scent, I suppose? I am curious to know what.”

“Well I like you. And it’s comforting. But it turns me on, too. Especially like this.”

“And that’s why you were pushing me away earlier?”

You nod, taking a deep breath. Your voice regains that sweet, thick quality that Wyll is beginning to recognize as desire.

“Mm. I’m a lot stronger than you a-and my heads not very clear,” You shake your head as you explain this to him. “It would’ve..haah..been painful. Really.”

“So it has that kind of effect on you,” Wyll concludes. Your eyes are lidded. You’re overwhelmed. It’s an interesting position. As far as Wyll’s concerned, he probably only smells like forest right now. He looks at the way you’re shaking like a leaf, then continues “I have that kind of effect on you,”

“Yes,” You huff, leaning against him again. Your head on his shoulder, nose brushing against his skin. He’s sweating from the journey up. He can’t really wrap his mind around what it could be that you like so much about him or how he smells. “Fuck, yes - you do.”

It’s an odd position to be in. Wyll is a righteous man but the thoughts that swarm him now are anything but. There’s nothing foreign about being wanted. His time as the Blade of Frontiers has had him propositioned for such affairs more times than he can remember.

No ones ever been desperate for him, though. You’ve never been desperate about anything. You’re emotional and light-hearted and wise and kind. Not desperate. Never that.

Except right now, you’re looking up at him with your pupils blown wide and your lower lip shaking. There’s sweat dripping down the crown of your head. Your ears are perked up, your whole body tense with need. You’re practically intoxicated above him, and Wyll can’t help but feel something less than heroic about it.

“I’m hardly half the man I claim to be,” Wyll says, a little dazed. “You make me forget myself. My virtue.”

“What’s virtue to love, Ravengard?” You lean in closer to him, your noses brushing. It must be coming again, the next wave. “You’re just Wyll to me, remember? Not a paragon of decency.” Your face is close. Your lips are close. Tempting. “Touch me. Or make love to me, if you’d prefer to call it that.”

It feels like there’s no air in Wyll’s lungs. Not enough to take a breath. He cups the nape of your neck with his hand, and your skin is so hot it nearly burns. You’re feverish, and sweaty - when Wyll touches you, you react right away. He stares at you. Everything feels distant, far-away. How many times have the two of you been like this? How many times have you nearly crossed this threshold before retreating back into each other?

Wyll can think of one hundred times he’s thought of kissing you. When you’re covered in blood and gore, when you smile, when the sun through the trees makes your fur look shiny and beautiful, when Astarion pets you, when you hug Karlach for the first time. He can compile every time the urge has come over him.

It feels unreal to kiss you now, after all that.

You open your mouth slightly, a choked moan passing through your lips as Wyll presses his own to yours. Yours are soft. The first thing he notices is the shape of your teeth, the sharp edge of your fangs - protruding and clumsy. None of it matters. Nothing matters except you and this.

You’re huffy and eager when Wyll kisses you. A slow peck at first before he pulls away, delighted by the way you chase his mouth. Then again with your mouth open a little wider, panting hotly as you urge Wyll to give you a little more. Your hands are gripping his armor again, tight enough to rip the material. You’re too drunk on your own need, to notice anything about anything.

It’s something about you - something about you Wyll has known since forever. You get lost in things, in fights or in books that Gale reads. Sometimes you just give up thinking entirely and let your instinct guide you. And it makes enough sense, you’re a werewolf - part hungry animal by blood. Of course your baser instinct feels more natural.

It’s not very kind to think, but Wyll isn’t saying it to be unkind. He likes it. He likes that you think with your heart less than your head. He likes when you give into the most animal parts of you.

Wyll is not in the same place as you. His head is meant to be clear. He’s seemingly sober for this affair.

But his body betrays his mind so quickly it’s laughable.

He doesn’t really know what to do with himself. All of the blood in his body is running hot, and all of it floods south more quickly than he can control it. Before he knows what he’s doing, his hands are clasping around your waist and he’s kissing you deeper. He lets his tongue brush yours, lets his teeth sink into the plush of your lower lips. He sucks and bites and licks as you breathe each other in.

You kiss Wyll until your lips are swollen, chest heaving as you pull away from each other. There’s something juvenile about the affair, enough to make you laugh even in the state you’re in. And Wyll laughs too, stares at your expression only illuminated by moonlight.

“I love you,” Wyll repeats. You’re startled by it this time. “Gods, I love you.”

Your voice is thick. “I love you too. Touch me, please.”

“How should I touch you my love?”

“However you want. As long as you touch me.”

“However I want,” Wyll says contemplatively. He’s quick to maneuver you both to the ground when he says this. A little closer to the warmth of the fire, on the sheets and pillows you’ve set up underneath you both. You look up at him wide-eyed as your back touches the ground. “You should choose your words carefully. I may take you up on making love.”

You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him down to you.

“Do it before I lose my mind anymore,”

Wyll laughs playfully against your skin.

The act of undressing each other is unceremonious. Wyll peels the padded armor off his body, leaving him in trousers. He helps you out of your own clothes. He’s seen you naked more than once, but never for this. For him. He studies the way your muscles fall, the hair on your skin. Various scars. Everything for him to gaze on.

Your own hand reaches up to his neck, on his shoulder as your mouth falls open. “You’re so attractive. Do you know?”

He laughs. “It doesn’t hurt to hear you tell me.”

You seem eager to admire his body. Wyll doesn’t stop you. Your palms are much smoother than he’d think of them to be, as they plane over the expanse of his muscled chest. You let your fingers drift over raised scars on abdomen, over his nipples and down his abdomen. Wyll feels his cock twitch unhelpfully. You must notice the same because your eyes light up. Your hand reaches even further, even lower - cupping the hard outline of his length. He hisses through his teeth.

“You’re…” You mumble, squeezing again. “For me,”

“You’re beautiful,” Wyll says. You flush.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before,” Your voice is almost petulant.

“And I’ve longed for you since that very moment”

Your pout deepens before you brush Wyll’s hand with yours.

“You can do the same for me.”

Wyll stares at you before leaning back down to kiss you. He doesn’t linger at your mouth, chaste pecks that pave the path for Wyll to worship the rest of you. He wants to worship every inch. He lets his lips leave kisses all over your face. He kisses the scars along your skin, the corner of your mouth, your eyelids.

His tongue laves down your jaw until he’s at your neck. You breathe unsteadily as he continues down to the column of your throat. Wyll is gentle. He doesn’t bite. He steadies his hands at your waist and only kisses. Presses his face to your skin and pricks you with his want. It’s slower than you want, he can tell from how your legs are wrapped helplessly around his waist.

Your lower-half is grinding against him, against air - anything you can find. Little shameless mewls and so much squirming. Wyll knows you’re needy, and he is too - but this is your first time together.

He couldn’t do anything but savor it no matter how much you whined. Right now you are his, hidden from the moon. From the camp.

You are his and he will take you apart as he pleases.

“Please,” You whine, taking a deep breath of him again. You inhale, nudging the parts of him available to him. “Please.”

A little mercifully, he gives you a little more. He grabs your hips and positions you better over his cock. He moves his hands from your waist to squeeze the soft flesh of your breasts. He licks the salt of your skin, meeting your movements.

“I know, I know. Endure it,” He says, pressing a kiss to your sternum. “Indulge me.”

You bite back your complaint. You’re forgiving as always.

His mouth closes around your nipples, hard under his tongue. Your spine arches, but Wyll pushes you down and steadies you. His other hand squeezes the one he isn’t servicing, thumb drawing over your nipples. He gauges your breathing as he tries different motions until settling on rolling it with his thumb. The right thing to do, if your reaction is anything to go by.

He feels something against the seam of his pants when he goes between them, pleasuring you. A wetness where his cock meets your clothed sex. One that soaks underneath two layers of clothes. He looks up at you, wide-eyed.

You’re unaware of anything. Too busy in the chase of pleasure.

He wonders if it’s a result of your heat. He doesn’t know anything about them aside from the fact it happens and it makes you like this - but what it does to your body is still foreign to him. His cock is throbbing hard enough to make him light-headed. He tries to approach this with a light hand and patience.

But shit, the way you’re searching for it is too arousing. You’re seeking an orgasm so desperately, all little rutting twitches and uneven movements. The first of the tears start to form on your lower lashes. Your eyelashes are wet. Fat tears drip down your cheeks, falling down the side of your face. Wyll is less concerned than you would be if you hadn’t told him that you would cry - but gods.

“You’re a mess,” He says with an absent fondness. You whine and nod in agreement. Wyll is lucky to witness this, he realizes too late. “Is it painful?”

Your voice is scratchy from crying. “Aches. Aches so much, need more, please. Trying to be patient but it aches.”

He hums to himself, undoes the death grip your legs have on his waist before starting to kiss a path down to your navel. It’s clear you make an attempt to ask him what he’s doing, but the words cut off when you realize he’s getting closer to where you need.

You’re holding your breath, your hands curled at your sides like you don’t know what to do with them. You’ve never been so uncertain in front of him. You help slide your bottoms off - everything in one go. Your knees are bent in the air, covering where Wyll is most keen to see you. He kisses your calves.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, remember?”

You take a deep breath and lay your feet flat on the ground, spreading your legs enough to give Wyll a perfect view. He’s always tried not to look, but now he can’t stop staring. A thick layer of hair covers your cunt. His hands shake as he pulls you forward to look closer, and your own hands go to cover your face.

“I can feel you breathe,” You whisper, and Wyll laughs. He’s still looking, examining you closely. He uses his fingers to pull you apart, awestruck by you. You’re so wet it’s dripping, pulsing helplessly without Wyll touching you at all. The sheet underneath you darkens with arousal. Your clit is throbbing with need, all fluttery. “Stop looking,”

Wyll does what any gentleman would do. He pulls away, his hands settling on your thighs - and starts to kiss all the way up from the inside of your knee. He does it on both sides, before finally kissing your clit tucked away underneath everything. Your breath hitches, stomach tensing.

“Tell me where you feel it. Let me learn you.”

“Hicc,” You nod soft and sweet. “Okay,”

Wyll smiles against you.

For as much as Wyll puts on a show, the first time he actually tastes you exceed all expectations. The loss of composure is nearly instant. His fingers dig into the plush of your thighs as he lets the weight of his tongue drag through your folds, arousal collecting on the tip. Your reaction comes just as quick.

“Fuck,” You cry out. Wyll feels your hands reach for him, a pleasant noise escaping him as you grip onto his horns. He’s never thought to touch them before. A feeling of electricity creeps up his back as your hands hold tight around the base of them.“Wyll, fuck - there,”

He gets the message quick enough, laying his tongue flat on the hardened bundle of nerves. Your clit pulses for him. You taste heady and sweet, coating his entire mouth as he continues to eat. You guide him here and there - soft whispers of lower and higher until he ends up in the place you need.

“That,” Your grip on his horns gets tighter as you grind yourself down on his tongue. Wyll feels his cock stiff against his stomach from where he lays. “Like that,”

He gives you more pressure as he licks your clit, sorting out a rhythm as he focuses his attention on one part of you. He wants to make you cum like this. You’re sensitive enough to do it. Your clit thrums as your mind goes muddy. Your body movements change as he continues to push you closer and closer to your high. He’s starting to understand what makes you tick.

Wyll is a quick learner after all, dexterous and clever.

Muscles clenching, your mouth falls open - eyes barely open as you moan. “Oh, oh, oh,”

Wyll laps you up like ambrosia. He pulls away when you start to get close, ignoring your complaints. He wants to savor it now that he knows how to get you to the edge, so he does. He buries himself deeper into you, his nose bumping against your mound with every pass he makes over your slit. Your body is unbelievably sensitive. He dips his tongue into your tight hole and you nearly lurch forward with need.

He starts a back and forth, going from licking long stripes along your slit determined not to let anything go to waste - back to focusing on where you need him most. He doesn’t mean to put you on edge so many times, no longer thinking clearly.

You beg Wyll to make you cum by the time he’s back to reality, grabbing his horns hard enough to make him look at you.

“Make me cum, please - can’t take it anymore, Wyll, please, fuck,”

He hums against your sex before refocusing his attention. One last time he takes your throbbing clit into his mouth, lets it slide against his tongue and sucks on it. This time he relents to your need, and doesn't stop for any reason. He lets it build and build and build until he hears your voice break.

Your back starts to arch, body going taut like a bowstring. Wyll hums against you, he wants to praise you but his mouth is busy.

Then the thought occurs to him. It takes a little focus to reach your mind, and this is by all means - a terrible reason to use your shared connection.

‘You’re doing so well, starlight,’ Wyll praises. Your eyes widen as you realize just how he’s doing it, a debauched and shocked moan tearing itself from your mouth ‘Beautiful. Sorry for teasing you. Can you cum for me? I want you to feel good,’

You hiccup, another loud sob as Wyll keeps steady.

“C-cumming,” You choke on the words, on your spit. “I’m—fuck!”

Wyll lets you ride your orgasm out as you cum for the first time in the night. Your body goes arching, gripping on his horns hard trying to pull him away as you push through to the other side. You’re pulsing in his mouth, tightening around nothing as you cum for him. It feels like it goes on forever, long waves and tremors until the feeling dies down.

He pulls away once you’ve finally laid back down, exhausted and out of breath. You stare at him a little blankly, an arm covering your face.

“Up here,” You say tiredly, gesturing him up. “I need to kiss you.”

Wyll laughs good naturedly as you wrap an arm around Wyll’s neck, dragging him down towards you and kissing him hard - drunk off pleasure. You kiss him in chaste pecks, hugging him. Nudging your nose along his neck, you whisper in his ear.

“Take your pants off, dammit.”

Wyll can’t help his laughter.

“I suppose it’s only fair,”

You hook your fingers into Wyll’s trousers, helping him pull them down until his cock springs free. Your eyes go lidded as soon as you see it, hands cupping the now bare skin. Wyll hisses slightly at the sudden touch, unused to the friction. You look up at him, a hand between your bodies - closing your fist around the base of his cock.

“Bumps and prongs, huh,”

Wyll flushes immediately, making you laugh.

“I hope you’re not making fun of me.”

“How could I when I’m this turned on?” You offer sincerely. He shudders at the touch. “I like it. Can I blow you?”

“I’m sorry?”

Your turn to laugh. “I’m good at it. And I want to. It’s a little sensitive for you to fuck me, anyway.”

Wyll swallows thickly. “I guess I have no reason to deny you.”

“No you don’t. Now come on and stand up,”

He gives you a hesitant look before peeling himself off of you. He stands to his feet, his pants still rolled down just past his thighs. He slides them off so the two of you are naked, and laments a little in his mind about the fact you’re doing this deep in the outdoors. You’re quick to follow Wyll, walking on your knees towards him until you’re eye-level with his cock.

He’s never gotten this far. He’s a romantic in all the ways it matters, so save for some grinding and kissing - it’s a new experience. You look like you know what you’re doing though. You kiss his hips, hands on his thighs and an expression that he finds remarkably innocent for what you’re about to do. All Wyll can do is watch, and feel increasingly fidgety about the sight in front of him.

You crane your head down and place pecks from the base of his shaft all the way to the tip. You let his cock rest against your face, taking a sharp inhale of the skin - perverse and desperate. Wyll groans, deep from his chest as you smile. You’re not unsettled by it at all, as reverent as you always are.

His body has grown especially sensitive because of Mizora’s interference. He can feel the heat in his blood starting to swell as blood rushes to his cock, making him grow bigger. The way you’re looking at him isn’t helping.

You poke your tongue out from your mouth and leave long licks along his cock - from base to tip. Like you sense he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, you guide them to hold your head. He feels a weird sense of guilt about it, but the pleasure outweighs the shame - he doesn’t force you down. Just keeps you painfully steady as you do all of the world.

Fuck, he’s sensitive. Every little wet lick and stroke is enough to make his spine prick with need. The tip of his cock leaks pre-cum. You press it against your lips as your hand wraps around his shaft in full, your tongue dipping into the slit making Wyll hiss.

“Shit,” He huffs, hands gripping tighter but not moving you “That feels good,”

You give him a little smile that makes Wyll’s stomach flip. Like you know it’s going to catch him off guard, you finally open your mouth to take the tip of his cock into your mouth. It’s lighter and more sensitive than the rest of his cock. You wrap your tongue around it with expertise and Wyll finds himself nearly bedding on the knee, legs starting to feel weak.

You use one hand to steady yourself on his thigh, the other slipping between your legs.

He can only watch on in awe, the impressive way you sink around the hot, hard length. Your tongue is soft, the cavern of your mouth wet and inviting. Wyll nearly breaks - almost fucks into your throat by bucking up. He restrains himself as you go lower and lower, eyes going increasingly wide as his cock disappears in the column of your throat. Just when he thinks you can’t get any further, you do. He can feel the tip disappear in the narrowness of your throat, awestruck as drool starts to drip from the sides of your mouth.

You make a sound, muffled as you hit the base of Wyll’s cock like it’s nothing. You sink in further, nose pressing against his navel as you glance up at him. It’s too lewd, damn near - seeing you deepthroat him with such ease. You inhale again, and Wyll flushes at the realization of what you’re doing exactly.

You pull off in one go, saliva dripping down your chin and neck as you open your mouth. Hollowing your cheeks and wrapping a free hand around whatever your mouth can’t easily reach, you start to set a pace. It’s fast and slick and messy, pre-cum mixed with saliva making your face grow sticky - taking deep breaths of Wyll’s scent and musk every time you manage to swallow it all. It’s depraved seeing you suck his cock with such obvious lust and desire, eager to swallow him and show him pleasure.

Wyll feels the pleasure. His entire body feels like it’s being wrapped in something slick and warm, little sparks of electricity traveling from his fingertips to his spine. His head feels especially light, filled with fluff and devoid of conscious consideration.

“Your mouth feels incredible,” Wyll groans, shuddering, holding your head as you let his cock bottom out in your mouth again “Hells,”

You sound pleased, a pleasant reverb going through his body as you set a pace - bobbing your head and swallowing every inch of him without flinching. The sound of your throat constricting around him and your own hands fill the surroundings. He’s glad you’re so lost in the movements because his own voice is punched out of him each time you go down. He didn’t know he was capable of making this much noise, such deep groans and heavy breaths every time you so much as move.

You pull him out completely, letting spit and saliva rub against your mouth as you tap against your face. Wyll feels a restless embarrassment at the pit of his stomach as you make eye-contact with him. He feels his cock twitch hard, something starting to come undone in his gut as he pulls you away.

“Stop,” He wheezes, and you do with a pleased laugh “Shit that’s dangerous. You’re…talented.”

You pause before breaking out into more giggles, kissing his cock one last time. Wyll covers his face with his hands.

“Is that a compliment?”

“...It’s meant to be one.”

“Glad you’re impressed,” You say with a wicked little grin - all sharp teeth and delight. “I wanted to go longer.”

“We have days together. Another time, my love.”

Your smile grows a little. You are bad for his heart in more ways than one, Wyll thinks.

“Mm. Okay. I can’t really wait much longer, anyway. Another wave is gonna hit soon and I feel antsy.”

“Get comfortable and lay down. And, I hate to ask so late - but should I be worrying…? About protection?”

You blink at him as you set up on the ground, moving around pillows for you to lay on. You shake your head. “Mm. Should be fine. Getting contraceptives should be easier since we’re closer to the city. Unless you don’t want to take that risk?”

Your expression is uncharacteristically innocent. Wyll weighs his desire against reason, a feeling of guilt washing over him at the clear winner. His cock is throbbing to the extent it’s near painful.

(He doesn’t hate the thought of giving you a child, either. Though he thinks it’s much too early to say something like that, and he’d prefer to plan something so important. Still, it isn’t the worst outcome. It’d be a precious little thing, half-werewolf and beautiful.

He brushes over the thought just as quickly as he has it, a little taken aback by his own desires. It’s like everything is being bled from him, no thought too precious to strike his mind. It’s too early to think about, no less mention.

He should marry you before that. The thought of it makes him harder.)

“As I had suspected, I’m only half the man I consider myself to be.”

“Are you reflecting on your failings?” You tease. Wyll lets out a breath of air.

“On my hypocrisy, if I were to put a name to it. I didn’t realize desire could be so debilitating.” Wyll explains, joining you where you lay. You giggle lightly as Wyll positions himself between your legs, leaning in to kiss you shortly. “Seems you’ve uncovered something I wasn’t aware of.”

“Really?”

Wyll laughs against your lips as he kisses you again. “You often do.”

He brushes it aside as he pulls back. You lock eyes with him. Wyll is mesmerized. Your features start to round out again, eyes becoming glassy with need in the same familiar way as before. Wyll knows it now. He reaches over to cup your face with his palm, smile breaking his composure as you instinctively rub your cheek against the rough skin. He lets his thumb press against your lips, indulging your desire for affection.

“Are you still all there?”

“Hf. Yes. Not for long,” You say, urging him down towards you. Once again the proximity between you disappears. This time bare skinned, chest to chest. Wyll can feel the erratic thump of your heart, the unsteady quality in your breathing. You sink back into the same heat drunk place, a slow descent. Your pupils open wide enough for him to lose his senses. “Don’t keep me waiting, please.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

You fall into a synchronicity this time around. Your legs spread wide, open and wanting. Wyll feels his throat start to close. His stomach flutters restlessly as he pushes his cock through your folds once, then twice - his head thrown back at the feeling of your bare skin. He reminds himself this isn’t something to get used to, but the pleasure is easy to indulge in.

It’s worsened by the fact you’re beautiful.

Wyll finds you so beautiful it’s ridiculous, even to him. The plush of your lips, the way your lashes fall along as your cheek, the shape of your eyes. All of you, bathed in moonlight and blessed by the higher powers. You’re a culmination, the very pinnacle of Wyll’s every last mad desire. If everything around him faded to nothing, Wyll would have no clue. No sense, no rational, no righteousness. With nothing but himself to offer you, he’s moonstruck. Hung up on your affection and the feeling of warmth of mutual love.

The order is all out of sorts, and everything is complicated. But Gods. Gods. You’re more beautiful than every dream he’s ever seen you in. Even the magic of his mind couldn’t form something so perfect.

“You’re really the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Your eyes widen, blinking rapidly before breaking out into a flush. “What are you saying?”

“When I was a boy, I often imagined getting married,” Wyll says, drawing little circles along your hip. Your mouth opens, but falls shut as you feel the head of his cock push against you. You shudder as Wyll moves so slowly, with no intent of pushing in. “I had high hopes for love. The magic of fairy tale romance always spoke to me. I was fond of beautiful sights too, to boot.”

Your breath hitches. Wyll feels you start to stretch around the tip of his cock. He swears under his breath, slowing even more. You let out a soft mewl as Wyll breathes through the sensation.

“But you know,” He presses deeper, just slightly. A suggestion of a thrust. Your hand shoots out to grab Wyll’s wrist where he’s gripping you at the waist. His vision strains as he moves slowly, another terrible inch. “You’ve, haah, exceeded my every expectation. There was no need for daydreaming.”

You make a choked sound as Wyll goes even deeper. Your hands grip tight, that same drunken look returning to you. The parts of you that are still there are teary eyed, sniffling. Your cunt pulses around him, sucking him deeper. You feel good, but Wyll is more focused on you. Imprinting you into his memory, like tonight is the last time he’d ever get to see you.

“If I could go back, to any time - I think I’d go back to being seventeen,” Wyll says with a smile, dropping himself closer to you. He leans up on his arm, noses brushing tenderly as you hiccup “I would tell Wyll from then to be strong. Become a Blade that can defend for the one who will become your shield.”

You look up at him teary and frustrated. Your arms wrap around his neck as you cry, and Wyll laughs a little. Everything is so warm. He loves you.

“If you’re any kinder to me, I don’t know what’ll become of me. Ugh, my eyes sting.”

Wyll can’t help his smile. “We’ll have to see it through, then.”

“Stop being so romantic and fuck me.”

He kisses your hairline. “As you wish.”

Wyll puts his hands up under your knees, folding you underneath him as he finally bottoms out. You both moan as you feel Wyll fill you up. You kiss him in that position, all desperation - tongue and teeth. Wyll is startled but indulges, a grinding thrust making you mewl into his mouth. He swallows the noise.

“Fuck me,” You huff, your eyes bleary. “I can—can feel you in my stomach,”

Wyll groans.

You feel incredible. Wyll has to stop moving to steady his mind. He wants to last a little longer than a few seconds if he can help it. Your cunt wraps around his cock like silk. Sticky walls clinging to him like a vice, pulsing with need at the slightest movement. Wyll is connected to you in such an intimate way, it makes him feel visceral. Almost possessive. You hold on like you want to milk him for all he’s worth.

He takes another long breath, steadying himself as he pulls out and slams himself back in. You cry out in response to the first thrust, but you don’t ask him to slow down. Wyll focuses on keeping his thrusts weighted and steady, something constant enough that your focus doesn’t break. He wants to make you cum again, and he knows better what you need now. He keeps you pinned underneath the weight of him as he finds a pace to move to.

Once he finds it, Wyll fucks you without abandon. You hold onto him tight, nose nudged against his neck as you let out the tiniest whimpers he’s ever heard you make. The pleasure debases you completely, makes you all wild. Wyll likes seeing you fall apart with each movement. Every time he pistons the right spot your eyes go wide and flutter back closed as if it’s too much.

The two of you make a mess. Wyll can hear his cock pull and push the arousal out of you - each thrust wet. It’s messy enough to make your skin stick together.

“Wyll,” You say his name like it’s a prayer of your goddess. Something to save you. Some kind of sacrilege that Wyll feels no guilt for. “I love you, I love you. Fuck—fuck me,”

“You’re my whole life,” Wyll grunts. “I’ll give you everything. Everything, my love.”

“I’m close,” Your voice is hoarse as you say it. “I’m so close, just a little—”

Wyll knows what you’re asking for. His hand sneaks between your bodies, palm resting on your tummy as his thumb messy circles on your puffy clit. You choke on your words, a broken thank you among the mess as Wyll keeps fucking you. Determined to make you cum one more time, he goes and goes and goes.

Wyll can feel you cum before you can tell him. You try to announce it, but the words don’t come out. He can feel your hesitance, feeling something in you as your teeth graze his necks.

“You can bite me. I can withstand it, love”

A pained whine is followed by the sharp feeling of your teeth in Wyll’s shoulder, as your voice breaks out into a howl. When you cum, you cum hard. Harder than before like you’re trying to latch onto him, your whole body going rigid before the tension breaks. Your orgasm crashes into you. You gasp as Wyll fucks you through it. He keeps fucking you through it until he feels you’ve calmed down.

“Cum, Wyll. For me, please.”

It’s enough to drive Wyll to the very edge. His desire reaches an impressive high. His thrusts become shallow, sloppy - the wet sound of him fucking you open finally reaching his ears as he gives into his own needs. Wyll cums hard. He bottoms out as he does, thick white ropes painting your insides as the two of you lay with each other.

When Wyll finally catches his breath and starts to go soft, he pulls away to look at you. You’re frowning at him.

“Is something—”

“Being sweet to me like that in the middle of that is unfair. I’m going to hold it against you.”

Wyll pauses before breaking out into a giggle.

“I was worried for a minute.”

“I love you.” You add, a little softer time. “Thank you for coming to find me.”

“Always.” Wyll replies, hugging you to him. “I adore you, you know.”

EPILOGUE:

You return to camp together at the end of your tenday.

Wyll is covered in all sorts of marks by the time you’ve arrived, and so are you. There’s not really anything to do to hide that. Or to hide the fact he’s utterly exhausted by the whole thing. He’s drained, though he thinks he could do it again if he timed it better.

It was nice to spend an entire tenday together, though. In between having sex or Wyll meeting your needs - you ate and slept and bathed together. Despite your circumstances the entire situation was domestic - and Wyll enjoyed being with you.

You are absolutely chipper and uncaring about the situation. Wyll wishes he could be a little more like you in this case.

The first person to see you at camp is Karlach.

“Well, look who it is!” Karlach chirps, absolutely delighted. “The lovebirds are back,”

The whole camp stirs at the announcement. It’s early enough that everyone is still at camp. Wyll feels his skin prick with heat as you leave his side, prancing over to Karlach to chat with her. Back to your usual self, Wyll feels a specific fondness about having seen a new side of you and remaining so unchanged.

“Oh, you’ve returned?” Astarion says. Wyll looks up, surprised.

“Ah, uhm, yes.”

Astarion stands next to Wyll with his arms crossed.

“Have you finally done it or do I have to endure more of your incessant pining?”

Wyll chokes on his spit.

“You’re losing your touch Astarion,” Shadowheart says, shuffling into camp from behind Wyll with a towel that needs to be dried. “That one over there is chipper and this one can barely look at them. Shouldn’t that tell you all you need to know?”

“Tsk. You’re right. Congratulations are in order, I suppose. Or some celebration. At least I won’t have to see you two eye-fucking each other every day. It was getting dire..”

“I wouldn’t be so confident,” Shadowheart says. “He’s doing it right now even after they spent a tenday wrapped in each other's arms.”

Astarion sighs. “Gods. Can’t have anything these days.”

Wyll opts not to say anything, handling them with usual grace.

“Thanks for the congratulations,” Wyll says, staring at you idly. “Hope it wasn’t too difficult without us.”

“Hardly.”

Wyll smiles at that. He watches you as you talk to Karlach animatedly, smiling a little harder. He can take as much teasing as they dish out.

He could endure it ten times over, as long as he gets to be with you.

☾ a/n ; whew… we've made it to the end. i wrote this fic in a whopping 12 days. it was a crazy experience especially since i havent written anything i'd personally consider substantial since like.. idk april 2023. i also mostly write for anime so its a little nervewracking specifically writing for bg3. THAT BEING SAID. i love wyll. i started playing the game for him and he has bewitched me mind body and soul. it is rather disheartening to see how much larian dgaf about him so i guess part of me writing this is also trying to convince people to see what i see in wyll. something something that joan didion quote about writing as a form of violence bc of imposing views something something.

wyll is a really moving character to me. i like characters who are categorically so righteous it drives them to the destruction of themselves.

but the specific dichotomy of wyll - a man who has lost every ounce of agency time and time again with this tav was especially consuming. tav too is considered a monster, but they embrace and love this part of themselves. i think witnessing that, and the reframing monstrosity in wylls case is really helpful for him. tav doesnt know what losing their agency is like, but they're able to restructure wylls belief of what this new body of his is worth. that he is worthy all the same, and that he exists outside of being the blade. these sorts of things haunted me during this. but also… i just wanted to see wyll bang a desperate heat addled werewolf shorty. lol.

ANYWAYS. sorry for this MASSIVE wall of text. i just really love wyll so much and i hope this iteration of him felt in line with who he is. and if you're not a wyll fan and just a fic consume well… i hope i was able to compel you towards him a bit. in any case, thanks for reading! and please do leave a comment if you liked it! all feedback appreciated.

also i dont normally ask but if you could rb this fic if you liked it'd be appreciated </3 im trying to find wyll likers ehdjksjf

#wyll x reader #wyll ravengard x reader #bg3 x reader #wyll smut #bg3 smut #writing tag #cant wait to post this so i may be free from whatever demon possessed me while writing this.

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deadtired-highkeyenergetic · 8 months ago

Text

The Beast Inside

Werewolf!reader finally! I've been wanting to write a werewolf rampage for quite a while but never quite got around to it until now!!!

Summary: Reader loses control of the wolf and tries to come to terms with the beast inside all whilst taking care of Astarion.

The paladin’s blade comes down, swinging in an arc of light and you stand there, eyes wide with shock as the steel tears through your flesh, carving open your shoulder. Blood sprays from the wound, staining your clothes red with your own blood.

“Y/N!” You can hear the distant shouts of your companions, calling your name. Your wound burns, probably from the infusion of the paladin’s abilities in the strike that connected and blood roars in your ears. All you can think about is how that same paladin had captured Astarion, had their way with him, nearly killed your vampire lover, and the beast inside takes over, roaring in delight.

You will not lose him.

You feel your bones cracking and skin stretching as claws take the place of fingers, fur sprouting from your body. Your jaw lengthens, teeth sharpening into fangs and your nose becomes narrower. The wound in your shoulder begins to seal itself shut, flesh growing back and knitted by furred skin. The sharp metallic scent of blood fills your nose and you inhale it all. You can smell the fear in the air as the paladin shrinks back, greatsword pointed at you but the weapon is rattling.

That sword will never pierce you again.

The paladin’s hands shake as your wild gaze locks onto them, yellow eyes burning with an inhumane thirst for blood, saliva dripping from long thick fangs nestled in powerful jaws. A howl bursts forth from deep within you, claws flexing and you pounce on your prey, sending the paladin crashing to the floor. Armour is ripped apart like paper underneath the werewolf’s claws and jaws snap, crushing the helmet to reveal the paladin’s terrified face.

“Please –” Their cries are cut short as sharp claws tear open their exposed flesh, ripping their face in two. More blood gushes out and the paladin is already dead but the beast keeps going, jaws tearing the paladin’s body into a bloody mess. The werewolf stands back up in the sticky mess of blood and guts, crimson dripping from its muzzle and takes a step towards the paladin’s frightened companions.

The cleric drops to his knees and tries to scuttle away but the werewolf is faster, tearing open his throat with its jaws and devours the chunk of meat torn away. The werewolf snarls, reaching back into the convulsing body and rips away another chunk, sending blood flying everywhere. The body finally stills, having lost too much blood but the werewolf continues to rip at the flesh piece by piece, painting the entire floor a deep red.

Its nostrils flare, blazing yellow eyes turning towards the last member of the paladin’s party. The vampire hunter stares at the beast, shaky hands aiming a crossbow at its head. Its lips curl upwards, almost like a grin as it stalks towards the hunter, leaving a trail of bloody paw prints behind.

“You monster!” An arrow is fired, piercing through the beast’s face and causing it to stumble back, but it regains its footing just as quickly, its head snapping forward. The maniacal grin still remains, with the beast’s blood streaming from the wound. Crimson fangs bare at the hunter, yellow eyes gleaming as the beast reaches up with a clawed hand and rips the arrow free, laughing. The throaty laugh sends shivers up everyone’s spines as it devolves into a howl and claws swipe at the hunter, who barely manages to dodge the blow. The beast snarls, jaws snapping at thin air as the hunter moves out of the way, reloading his crossbow.

Another arrow is fired but the beast dodges in time. Its clawed feet dig into the ceramic floor tiles and it launches itself with terrifying speed at the unprepared hunter. Claws slam into the hunter’s chest, sending him crashing into the wall behind and knocking all breath out of his body. The werewolf bares its bloody fangs, jaws clamping around the hunter’s throat to crush through flesh and bone alike, coating its chest in the blood that sprayed from the fatal wound. It tears into the corpse, ripping it apart with ferocious savagery and gorges itself on the flesh until it is satisfied.

Then it turns to Y/N’s companions.

A soft growl rumbles from its chest and it stalks towards where Astarion lies, curled up and shivering. Lae’zel takes a step towards the beast, ready to strike it down before it can harm the vampire but Halsin holds her back, giving a shake of his head.

It feels its bones cracking and skin stretching once more as its body shrinks back into its human form. Claws shorten back into fingers and toes, its furred chest shrinks back into a female’s chest, its jaw shortening back into a human mouth. Fangs recede, making way for human teeth and pointed ears round themselves again to nestle behind hair.

But the blood remains.

“Astarion,” you whisper, reaching out to him with your bloody hand. He flinches when your fingertips bump into his skin, a quiet whimper escaping his lips and you immediately pull back. You sit on your haunches, at a loss of what to do. You want to help, you want to pull your lover into your arms and hold him tight, whisper away all his pain but you can’t even touch him.

“It’s me, Y/N,” you try again. You ignore the sticky feeling of blood that covers hands, feet and chest and hold out a hand with your palm upturned. “You’re safe now. No one can harm you anymore, I won’t allow it.”

“Don’t look at me,” Astarion croaks. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“It doesn’t make me love you any less,” you say firmly. “I’ve seen you at your lowest and I’ve seen you at your highest, neither has changed the fact that I love you. Nothing ever will.”

You sit there, patiently. “I didn’t want you to see this either. The beast that lives inside me, the real me. I hate it, that part of me. We all have at least one part of ourselves that we hate, maybe we even hate all parts of ourselves, but what we do with that part makes us who we are.”

The rest of your companions quietly make their exit, giving the two of them some time alone. You give them a grateful nod as they leave and turn back to Astarion who hasn’t moved an inch.

“You’re strong, Astarion. Far stronger than you think, far stronger than me. You accept the part you hate about yourself and live with it while I pretend it doesn’t exist, suppressing the beast. I wish I could be like you.” The words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them. “I admire you, and love you no matter how much you despise yourself.”

Astarion curls tighter into a ball, burying his face into his knees. You gently place your blood-stained cloak over him and simply continue to sit there, facing away from him to give him some privacy whilst keeping an eye on him via your sharpened hearing. You hear him drawing shaky breaths out of habit, miniscule sobs slipping past his lips on occasion and your heart breaks. If only you were stronger, faster, more powerful, then maybe he wouldn’t have had to suffer like this, maybe you would have been able to prevent all this from happening.

Your thoughts begin to devour you, thrusting you into a swirling haze of self-hatred and self-doubt. They crowd out everything else, ensnaring you in their web and trapping you in darkness but two quietly spoken words pierce through the cloud and the dark haze begins to part.

“Thank you.”

You sit up with a start, turning to find your vampire lover has shifted into a sitting position, cloak still firmly bundled around him. He looks at you with tear-stained ruby eyes and shuffles closer, leaning against you and burying his face into your shoulder, ignoring the blood that coats it.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “For yelling at you.”

“All’s been forgiven long ago,” you hum. Your arm hovers around him, unsure of whether he would welcome a hug but he pulls your arm around his waist, washing away all doubt immediately.

Astarion relaxes in your embrace, the warmth a stark contrast to his cold skin and rests his head against your chest. The steady thumping of your heart sends a nice strange feeling surging through him and a soft sigh escapes his lips. He lets you rest your chin on his head and the corners of his lips twitch upwards when he hears a familiar rumbling sound coming from your chest.

You wipe your hand on your pants to try and get rid of the blood before running your fingers through his hair, gently unknotting it as you go along. Your breath hitches, disgust bubbling to the surface when you realise you’re still getting blood on his silver hair despite your best efforts. The wolf had spilled that much blood in one fight. You swallow the bile rising to your throat, Astarion comes first, he is the one who needs to be taken care of, your problems can wait another day.

He shifts slightly, giving you a better angle to comb through his hair but you can still see a hint of trepidation in his eyes.

“If you want me to stop, just say it and I will stop. I promise.” You remove your hand from his hair, concerned. You know Astarion likes to keep things to himself, but so far he has been open about his likes and dislikes to you, understanding that you can take no as an answer.

“I…don’t stop. Please,” he whispers. “I don’t want to associate this with anyone but you.”

You feel your cheeks heat up at his words and press a kiss to the top of his head to hide your embarrassment. Despite knowing what you truly are, he still chose you and found safety in your arms. Maybe, if he could accept you as you truly are, one day you could do the same. A vampire spawn and a werewolf, what a couple the two of you made.

“As you wish,” you murmur and the both of you remain like that for some time before Astarion stirs once more, untangling himself from the safety of your bloodstained arms.

“We should get going before the others fall apart trying to settle dinner,” he smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“We don’t have to move if you don’t want to, the others can wait for all I care,” you huff.

“As much as I love you darling, I would much prefer cuddling in a bedroll than on this hard ground.” A small piece of light returns to his eyes when he hears you bark a laugh at his words, his favourite grin of yours splayed on your face.

“Your wish is my command,” you chuckle, giving his hand a small squeeze. He grasps your hand tightly, whispering something inaudible even to your sharp ears before looking at you with a fondness you can’t quite describe.

“Thank you,” he breathes. “For everything.”

“Right back at you, Star.”

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion bg3 #astarion x durge #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion x you #baldurs gate astarion #astarion romance #astarion x werewolf!reader

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chadleys · 1 year ago

Note

𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨/𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘢𝘷'𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘱𝘴

female!barbarian!tav x astarion

it's just a speck, nothing you aren't familiar with. in fact, normally there's a lot more blood spray when you're bludgeoning your enemies to death. this is light in comparison.

you've raised a hand to wipe it away, and gale is sighing, ❝ well, that was eas — ❞ before breaking off on a concerned-sounding groan.

astarion is a marble pillar at your side, cool hand tilting your chin up so your face can meet his. red gaze lashed to yours, he pulls you in to press plush lips against your mouth, tongue lapping out to do away with the lone droplet of blood sitting on your lower lip.

you almost drop your axe, overwhelmed by the urge to shove the vampire down and have your way with him right there in front of the rest of your party and these dead bodies.

astarion hums as he parts from you, thumb swiping along his lips, tasting the last bit of viscera clinging to them.

❝ savoring someone else's blood? i'm jealous. ❞ your words are shaky, like there's not enough breath in your lungs to speak them properly. that's just what astarion does to you; you'll have to get used to that, you suppose.

❝ rest assure; no one tastes as good as you, darling. ❞ he steps close, hand on your shoulder, squeezing over your armor. ❝ i'll show you tonight, if you'd like. ❞

there's no question — he's shown you the past four nights how delicious your blood is to him. of course there's going to be a fifth.

gale makes another gross noise. ❝ can we please just get a move on? this scene is already gruesome enough as it is, without the two of you making it worse. ❞

astarion tuts, chin held high. ❝ talk about jealousy ... ❞

#astarion hc #astarion x reader #baldur's gate 3 hc #astarion x you #astarion ancunin #astarion #hc #sfw ish

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icybluepenguin · 9 months ago

Text

The Sweetest Screams

Summary: Astarion relives a night of torture under Cazador. You wake him up and help him feel better by telling him how you see all the parts of him. Inspired by his lines “I am more than what you made me” and “I feel safe with you. Seen.” This is kind of exploring how he got there.

Pairing: Astarion x gender neutral Tav/reader

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Dark, Whump, Torture, Graphic Description, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Cazador, Godey, breaking bones, cuts, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotional Comfort, feeling seen & safe, Praise, Love, Astarion Has A Bad Time, I'm Sorry, but then he gets put back together again with lots of love and fluff

Note: Extra extra thanks to @brabblesblog and @leomonae for taking their time to beta & edit this. 💙 Go check out their work, they're amazing!

This link will take you past the torture, if you want to read the comfort/fluffy part: Skip hurt only comfort (goes to Ao3)

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“Astarion…”

The dark singsong voice in his head sent a shiver down his spine. It was cloyingly sweet and full of false enticement.

He balled up the shirt he'd been working on and hurried to hide it, together with his needle and thread. He didn't want his siblings to find them; he knew he wouldn't be able to come back for a while.

“Come to me, child.”

Astarion had no choice but to obey.

What had he done wrong? Has he not been the very model of obedience lately? Even his siblings had noticed, calling him the master's little lapdog. Had he not brought back a beautiful half-elf for his master?

He huffed at himself. As if it ever mattered what he had or had not done. There was only one thing that tone of voice meant.

Astarion knew where to find him. Even without the vague sense he always had of where his sire was, Astarion knew what to expect tonight.

The master was bored.

Astarion made his way down dark hallways, his feet moving on their own. He felt like he was floating. He passed no one on his way– was that his mistake tonight? He had come back too early, before the others, and so was the only target?

The stench of the kennels wafted over him as he opened the door. Decay, despair, rust. Fetid and heavy.

The master was there, as expected, sitting in an ornate chair that had been dragged in just for the occasion. A body slumped on a table next to him; still alive, but barely. The man Astarion had brought back not two hours ago, now with a huge, dripping gash on his neck. The scent of blood made Astarion feral, his hunger roaring through his dread.

It was going to be a long night.

“Is this how you greet your master, boy?”

The master dragged a finger through the oozing blood on the body, bringing it to his lips to lick it off. Astarion's mouth watered, his whole body aching for a taste of it.

Astarion knelt, back straight and head bowed. “Good evening, Master. H-how can I serve you?” He hated the tremble in his voice he could never get rid of. Hadn't he been tortured enough by now? Shouldn't it not bother him any longer? Why must he be so weak?

“Remove your clothes. We do not want them getting stained, do we? They are already pathetic.”

And whose fault is that, Astarion couldn't help but think, and then cowered into his own mind, stripping his shirt off faster, as if it would erase his blasphemous thought. He folded his clothes with trembling hands, quickly, terrified to be seen as anything but obedient.

“We will make lovely music for the master, won't we, little one?” Godey chattered as Astarion placed his folded bundle somewhere the spray of blood wouldn't reach it. “We are so lucky he is joining us tonight. We will put on a good show for him.”

The skeleton’s genial, eager voice washed over Astarion as he planted his feet, shivering uncontrollably, his eyes unfocused and pointed at the wall. There was nothing to do now but endure. He couldn't stop this.

“Start with his face, Godey. I want to see his lovely features covered in bruises.” The master took another drink from the body, blood coating his lips. “And you, Astarion. Stand still and scream prettily for me.”

Godey's bare finger bones creaked as they folded into a fist. Astarion closed his eyes, knowing that bracing for the blow was useless, but the instinct hadn't died yet. Pain bloomed across his cheek; he barely had time to gasp before the other side was punched - harder. It split his lip, his own blood bright on his tongue.

He swayed on his feet, dizzy and starving. When was the last time he ate? The scent of rich, fresh blood filled the air, the master playing with his meal as he watched. Astarion, so, so desperately hungry, almost bared his fangs for a taste. He could never touch that blood, even if he were not too weak to take it. But he wanted it so badly even the cracking of his cheekbone from the rain of blows didn't ache as much as the hunger did.

Astarion knew what the master wanted. A tiny, contrary part of him– a part he had tried hard to crush– demanded he make the master earn his screams. He could indulge in this small withholding, this smallest sip of power, couldn't he?

It wouldn't matter either way. They would destroy him, it was inevitable as the sunrise.

He could barely see now, his eyes swelling nearly shut. His head was spinning. He staggered down to his knees, hands splayed in front of him to keep him from falling on his ruined face. He thought there were tears, but he couldn't feel them.

“Do not slouch, boy.”

Astarion tried to stand, but his brain seemed to slosh in his head and he collapsed back down. The earliest wounds were already starting to heal. But it was slow- it had been so long since he'd fed.

“Weak,” the master sneered, the word full of disappointment and disgust. “I told you to stand still. Such a simple command and yet you cannot follow it.”

Godey’s hand grabbed his hair, the bones scraping on his scalp, pulling back to bend his neck at a cruel angle. There was something in its other hand, something red with dried blood.

When the blade touched his skin, he begged. It was what they wanted. In a slurred, breathy voice, he begged for mercy, for forgiveness, for the knife to stop slicing his skin into hideous art.

He begged for death.

It did not matter. There was no rhyme or reason to this.

His pleas were worthless. He was worthless. Nothing he did changed anything, now or ever. He was nothing. Weak.

“Please, I'm sorry… Just kill me, please, let me die…”

The master sighed with frustration. “Always such yapping from you. Are you never out of words?”

His only purpose was to be entertainment. For his master, for his victims. He only existed to be pleasing, and his pain was pleasing to them.

He couldn't even do that right.

The master stood. Astarion rocked back and forth, whimpering, trying to pay attention to the master's movements, to anticipate what the master would want from him, but the burning, stinging, overwhelming pain consumed him.

An elegant hand held something wriggling and squeaking to Astarion's face.

Fresh.

Alive.

It's a trick.

His body acted before he could think. He snatched the treat with greedy hands and sank his fangs into its twisting body before it could be taken from him. He drained it in huge gulps, finishing far too soon, sucking on its empty body long after it had ceased to give him blood.

“Disgusting. Have you no manners, boy?”

The master's eyes glowed a brighter red and magic seized him, yanking him to his feet.

The rat dropped from his mouth and he whined, still starving. His wounds were healing faster, burning through what little nourishment he'd gotten. He knew it was a trick, food was always a trick. It didn't matter. He wanted more.

His body was contorted, forcing him back to his knees, arms extended in front of him.

The master grabbed his chin, examining the closing cuts on his face and the rat blood that had dripped down his neck. “Not even a ‘thank you’ for your dinner? What an unruly child. After all I have done for you– such wasted effort.” His palm cracked across Astarion's face, making his head snap to the side, making his broken cheekbone shriek with renewed vigor. “At least we have stopped your yapping, for once.”

Haven't I been obedient, didn't I bring you a beautiful meal? he wanted to wail. What more can I do?

The master wiped his hand clean of blood on Astarion's hair and returned to his chair. “I have not heard him scream yet. Break his hands. That is always a delightful sound.”

“Oh yes, we haven't done this in a long time. Last time, you sounded so pretty, little one,” Godey hummed as it rummaged for something out of Astarion’s sight.

Astarion's stomach dropped like a stone, his muscles yanking helplessly against the magic. Beat him, flay him, drain him, but–

He sobbed, “Please, I've been good, please, I'll be so good,” knowing that mercy did not exist in this room. They would cut him and break him until they tired of it, dragging his pulverized body to one of the blood-stained palettes until he healed enough to do it all again.

And again.

“Stop making such a fuss, little one. Godey will take good care of you, just like always.” The skeleton raised a pair of large pliers into Astarion's view.

The metal jaws were intensely cold on his finger. No, no no-

He screamed for them. He screamed until his throat was raw, until his voice was gone, and still he screamed. The master's pleased laughter cut through his own noises to ring in his ears. The master's delight wouldn't save him. Nothing would save him from the crushing, crunching, ripping–

“Astarion. Astarion!”

He jerked.

There was no pain.

The air smelled clean and… sweet.

He stared blankly up at a face that had skin and softness, not naked bone.

You. You were there. He was in your tent in… Rivington. Yes, that's where he was. Not the kennels.

“You were screaming.”

He swallowed, noticing the soreness in his throat.

“They're getting worse, the closer we get to Baldur's Gate, aren't they?”

“Well, it's not as if I have any happy memories to meditate with,” he said, trying to wave it away even though his voice was hoarse. It was getting worse, the closer he got to home. Instead of memories that he could replay as an observer, detached, he felt swallowed by them. Forced to relive every torturous detail. He held his hands in front of his face to be sure they weren't crushed to a pulp. He could almost still feel it.

He was desperate to kill Cazador. Every second of delay was interminable. He wanted to be truly free of the man, to see his corpse at his feet and know that Cazador would never touch him again. And if he could take all of his potential power for himself? Even better.

But he was also terrified to his very core to see his old master again. What if he couldn't do it? He was stronger now, but he still felt too weak for this. And what if something happened to you? He would never forgive himself.

“I’m sorry that I woke you,” he said. “Go back to sleep, darling. I'm fine.” Guilt made his stomach twist. You got precious little sleep as it was, and he was making it worse. After all you had done for him. Ungrateful. Unruly.

“Yeah, that's not happening. You were screaming. I'm not going back to sleep and leaving you alone.” You cupped his face in your hands, rubbing his temples with your thumbs. “Tell me about it.”

He didn't want to; wanted to shove it down and pretend it had never happened, like every other time. He hated to burden you, to make you listen to him yapping. You deserved better.

“Astarion,” you said gently. “I know that look. Try me. Please.”

He felt so brittle under your touch. Ready to shatter into a thousand pieces if he wasn't careful. Gods, he wanted to tell you everything as much as he didn't want to tell you a single thing.

“It was just…” He struggled for a quip, but nothing came. “It was a memory of Cazador's torments. Nothing special.”

“Come on.” You stood, grabbing his hand to urge him up. “We're going outside.”

“Outside?” He was completely baffled.

“Yes.” You pulled the blanket off the bedroll and led him out, the both of you barefoot and in your nightclothes.

The moon was bright and low on the horizon, its silver light shining on you as you picked your way across camp, still holding his hand. Astarion inhaled deeply, the cool air filling his lungs. He hadn't even realized he had felt trapped in the small space of the tent but now, as a breeze tickled his hair, he couldn't imagine going back inside.

He couldn't stand to keep the words trapped inside either. They came haltingly at first, half-mumbled as if he hoped you wouldn't hear. But by the time you were spreading out the blanket on a patch of soft grass, the memory was pouring out. It was easier out here in the open with you not staring at him, while he choked back emotion, trying and failing to stay aloof and sarcastic about it all.

You sat next to him, fingers laced through his in silent comfort.

When he was done, he waited for the pity, for you to see him as a broken, pathetic thing. He knew you couldn't make these memories go away, could never remove the pain of them. You couldn't make it so he hadn’t lived them.

But you surprised him again.

You squeezed his hand just a little too hard. “We are going to destroy that rat-bastard. There won't be enough pieces of him left to fill a chalice when we're done with him.”

He coughed, a laugh stuck in his throat from the uncharacteristic venom in your voice. “Well, I do appreciate that, darling. It wasn't even the worst night,” he shrugged. “Or maybe it was one of many similar worst nights. Hard to pick, really.” He sighed. “It was usually one or the other of them. But nights when Cazador was bored… When he wanted to be… entertained, those held an extra layer of humiliation.”

He pulled his hand from you, wrapping his arms around his knees, curling his body around the sudden crushing pressure in his chest. Weak. Pathetic. Disgusting. Never obedient enough. Never good enough.

He strangled back the tears that threatened to fall. “I was nothing to them. Less than a dog. Just… an object to be broken at their whims.”

Astarion put his head on his knees, huddled as tightly as he could get, but the shame and despair and fear wouldn't stop growing. Weak.

“And this wretched contract. All the shit Cazador put me through, the centuries of torment… just to be consumed so that he can attain greater power?” Why, why did that hurt? He hated Cazador to the very depths of his soul. Being discarded, though, even by him, being so worthless that only his death mattered at all crushed his heart.

Bitterness twisted his lips and he huffed. “Being consumed. That's what I was made for.”

“Astarion-”

“I'm only good for entertainment. I'm a toy. Sex or torture, it doesn't matter.” I don't matter.

“That's not true at all.”

“Oh, isn't it?” he snapped, head jerking up to glare at you. “How did this start then?” He gestured between you. “You just had to sleep with the sexy vampire, didn't you.”

He bit his lip hard. Lashing out was easier than being honest, pushing the hurt onto someone else, being the one to wield the knife for once. He cowered deeper into his knees. And after he had woken you and you were staying awake with him. Ungrateful. Unruly. Weak. Pathetic.

But you didn't rise to the bait.

“Why are you even with me?” he asked in a quiet, broken voice - the question that had been lurking in the back of his mind since you'd chosen him, the question that begged to be answered whenever he looked at you but that he could never utter, terrified of what you would say. “I’m too much wasted effort. I can't give you anything. Not sex, not safety…”

“What in our time together gives you the impression that I am someone concerned with safety?” There was a bit of laughter in your words, incredulous but gentle. “I was never with you for the sex. It was nice-”

Even drowning as he was, Astarion couldn't keep from retorting, “It was more than just ‘nice.’”

Your slightly exasperated smile warmed his hurting heart.

“Fine, it was mind-blowing in every way. But that was not and is not and never will be why I love you.”

You had never said it before. Love. But you said it so clearly, so naturally, as if there was no question at all, that Astarion's eyes welled with tears. He blinked them back.

You touched him carefully, drawing his head up to look at you but giving him the chance to pull away. “I love you, Astarion. All the broken pieces, all the rough edges, all the contradictory mishmash. I love the gleeful little noise you make when we find some good treasure. And the pride on your face after you open a particularly hard lock. I love watching you read, I love watching you embroider, I love watching you try to learn necromancy. Mm, if I were worried about safety, I probably shouldn't let you do that.”

Something started to uncurl from the tight, painful ball in his chest as Astarion watched you talk about him with bright enthusiasm. He hadn't realized how much attention you'd paid to the small details of him.

“I love listening to you. I love seeing you smile. Gods above, I love seeing you smile.” You smiled to yourself at the memory of it. “I've watched you grow from being so afraid– understandably– to trusting us. Trusting me enough to let me know you. And I am so glad you did. I'm so glad you're here.”

“And I'm beautiful, don't forget that,” he said with forced airiness to deflect, adoring the praises and uncomfortable with being so seen at the same time.

“You are unfairly beautiful. But that's not what this is about. You are brave, Astarion. You've thrown yourself into battles with goblins and cultists and a hag, fights that would have given trained soldiers a fright. You don't take shit from anyone. Not even explosive wizards or transdimensional warriors or whatever the hells Withers is.”

Your voice lowered and you touched your forehead to his. “I love you. All of you.”

Three little words… everyone's favorite. He had used them to con hundreds of people. Hundreds had said it to him in a lust-driven haze. This was something so vastly different.

He could feel it. It wasn't just three little words. It settled in his ribs, sweet and precious and sincere.

“May I kiss you?”

The question surprised him. But now that you had asked, he wanted it badly. To feel connected to you, to this new life, to feel like he was wanted.

“Please,” he said.

But you didn't lean in as he expected.

You picked up his hand, laying a soft kiss on each joint. You kissed his palm, turning it over to kiss the other side. You laid another on his wrist and then did the same with the other hand, slow and methodical. These weren't teasing or erotic. It was, he realized, as if he were a small child. You cupped his face and pressed your warm lips to his cheek, to the bridge of his nose, to his brow.

Everywhere that he had said he'd been hurt.

He couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They surged up in a tidal wave, the simple kindness of your kisses flooding him, and he buried his head in your neck with a whimper.

“Shh, I've got you,” you whispered, stroking his hair. “It's okay.”

He wrapped his arms around you, clinging like he'd be lost without you grounding him. His hands clawed into your nightshirt; all the longing and doubt and fear and rage that he'd been shoving away crashed over him, impossible to ignore, impossible to hold. It poured out of him in gasping, ugly sobs.

You just held him, rubbing his back, occasionally murmuring something comforting or encouraging.

He cried until he was empty, until the raging storm had passed and all he felt was exhausted and drained. His grip on you loosened, but he didn't let go. He listened to your breathing, consciously pulling air in and out of his lungs to match. It was soothing.

He was a mess and so was your shirt. He felt shaky and vulnerable, tender like a new wound.

But he didn't feel weak.

“Here, my love,” you said, holding your wrist up. “Eat. You'll feel better.”

He almost dissolved into tears again. There was no trick, no hidden motive, just food because he needed it.

Taking your arm, he did his best to bite gently. It was the least he could do. You hissed and tensed but wouldn't let him pull away.

“Just stings a little more than I expected. I'm fine. Eat, please.”

It was exceedingly peaceful, watching the sky slowly lighten and the stars fade, slumped against your shoulder with the rich taste of your blood in his mouth. You stroked his back with your free hand, and he thought, maybe this was what home was supposed to feel like.

Loved. Wanted. Seen.

Master Post

#my writing #This is the doc that gave me such anxiety editing #Not even because of the content #I asked for help and these lovely people gave it #And my brain went absolutely haywire with guilt lol #but it's done now my brain can calm down right #right???#brain: outlook hazy try again later #hurt/comfort #dark fic #dead dove do not eat #dead dove fic

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loveofdetail · 1 year ago

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bg3 companions fragrance headcanons because of course i was going to make this post eventually

Shadowheart: Anything heady and lush. We're talking your jasmine amber incense bombs. Patchouli, rose, vanilla, clove and anise, chocolate, a touch of aldehydes for sparkle. She wears perfume to Turn Heads and Make Statements and it works.

Karlach: She likes cheap fruity body sprays and has no desire for anything more "sophisticated"

Wyll: Warm, sweet, woody, and spicy. Gourmands but the more sophisticated kind of gourmands. While he does not wear overtly floral-forward perfumes he DOES love when floral notes play a supporting role. Signature scent: Au Coeur du Désert by Tauer Perfumes

Astarion: Bracing greens. Scents that are so herbal they can edge into bitter/medicinal. Leather as a base note. He would put substantial effort into trying to find a mint perfume that Does It Right instead of smelling like toothpaste or vaporub.

Minthara: Understated and androgynous aquatic, ozonic, mineralic, soapy scents. Signature scent: Narciso Rodriguez For Him

Lae'zel: I honestly don't think she would be interested in scenting herself however she WOULD appreciate when someone else is wearing something bold and daring. If a perfume has a reputation of being "love it or hate it" she probably loves it.

Halsin: Okay this is probably gonna be my most controversial take on this list but I think he would wear macy's fragrance counter fuckboi scents BUT CRUCIALLY he inexplicably pulls it off and they always smell AMAZING on him.

Gale: He likes very complex perfumes where it's hard to identify individual notes because they are just that exquisitely blended and balanced. Also he's rather old-fashioned. Gravitates toward things like oakmoss, labdanum, orris root, civet—basically a greatest hits list of Classic Perfumery even though the average person has no idea what they smell like.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #halsin #lae'zel #minthara #astarion #astarion ancunin #wyll ravengard #karlach #shadowheart #sorry i don't have jaheira and minsc on here perhaps i'll update the list after i actually ummmmmm interact with them

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honeybummer · 3 months ago

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Chapter 21 "The Prey" now posted! Fic - "Bloodstained" Spoilers & smut belowwwww: "

“I love you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible over the roar of the storm that battered the fortress.

That was always clear to her. She wasn’t sure when it happened, but she knew it was true. She loved him.

How could she not?

Astarion fought for her every step of the way, never giving up, never giving in.

Elves can live a thousand lives and possibly never find that kind of devotion. But, she was human who would only be granted one life. And he had found her.

Thunder rattled the fortress, shaking her very bones.

He shouldn’t have been able to hear her confession, but he did.

Astarion clutched the back of her neck and hauled her to him, his lips meeting hers in a fiery, greedy kiss, and she moaned into it.

Lyra’s hands clung to his neck as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He pulled her further into the fortress, but rain still pelted on them from above.

She tasted leftover blood in her mouth, the sweetness of his breath, and the salty spray of the sea.

Astarion’s grip tightened as he deepened the kiss, his tongue dancing with hers in a desperate, fervent exploration. The storm raged on, the wind howling like a wild beast around them, but in this stolen moment, it felt as though time had stopped.

His hands roamed over her back, feeling the shivering warmth of her skin through the fabric of her cloak. Every touch was a reminder of how much he had missed her, of how fiercely he had fought to find her again. He pulled her closer, their bodies pressed tightly together, as if he could shield her from the storm with nothing but his embrace.

Lyra’s breath came in ragged gasps as she clung to him, her heart racing with a mix of fear and overwhelming desire. She could feel the tension in his muscles, the unspoken fear of losing her again. The intensity of their kiss spoke volumes—of pain, of longing, of an undying love that had weathered countless storms.

And, it had. Hadn’t it?

They had battled monsters, vampires, political wars, gods, and everything in between.

There seemed to be nothing they couldn’t conquer.

So, why did she still feel as if she wasn’t worth the trouble?

Astarion growled as she canted her hips up to meet his. She needed him.

Needed to be distracted from it all.

As the rain pelted down around them, the fortress seemed to tremble with the force of their emotions. Astarion's hands roamed to her face, cupping it tenderly as he pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. His gaze was fierce, yet filled with a depth of emotion that made her heart ache.

"Do you think," he breathed, his voice low and intense, "that I would ever let you go again? Not after everything we've been through."

Lyra's eyes filled with tears, and she shook her head, unable to find the words. The storm outside roared louder as if agreeing with him.

He brushed a wet strand of hair from her face, his touch gentle despite the moment's urgency. "You are my everything, Lyra. And I will fight for you, protect you, and love you until the realms fall apart, and even then, in the afterlife. I will search for you in every life, find you, and intertwine with you in every breath. Don't you dare forget that."

His lips found hers again, and she didn't complain. As the kiss continued, it became more passionate, more desperate. Astarion's hand moved from her face to her back, tracing the curve of her spine, sending waves of pleasure through her. Lyra responded in kind, her hands roaming over his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath her fingertips.

He moved back to speak again, and she dug her nails into his neck to bring him back to her. "No," she pleaded. "Don't speak."

She couldn't bear to hear him beg her anymore, and she didn't care. She needed this now.

It had been so long since he had touched her.

Astarion tightened his grip on her, his eyes burning with intensity as he searched her face for any sign of doubt. "You're hurt," he whispered.

"I'm always hurt."

Lyra grabbed him tighter, trying to move against him to get the needed friction. Her core was still warm from her dream earlier, and she desperately needed him.

Seeing only raw desire and longing in her eyes, he lifted her more, cursing at himself and fumbling with his belt buckle. She ripped his shirt, unbuttoning it quickly, causing buttons to fly across the stone room.

Astarion moved them to a corner with more cover from the rain. They crashed against a wooden cabinet, and it broke underneath their movements.

Lyra moaned at the pain, at the pleasure that radiated from between her legs.

Astarion kicked it out of their way, and her back hit the stone again. Then, he seemed to come to his senses. He paused momentarily. "Lyra–" he began to object, but she shook her head.

"I need you," she cried against his lips.

His soaked shirt fell to the floor. Lyra dug her nails into his perfect, sculpted skin. He was so beautiful that she could cry.

Astarion tugged off her loose trousers, which she had stolen from Bhaal's follower, and pulled her underwear to the side.

Lyra slipped slightly in his arms as he freed his throbbing erection. Then, he lifted her higher, hooking her legs around the crooks of his elbows so she couldn't drop her legs.

Just like their first shower together all those weeks ago.

He tried to reach his hand around to massage her clit.

"No," she moaned. "Just take me. Quickly. Don't hold back."

She could take it. She could take anything at this point. And she knew she was wet and ready for him.

Astarion kissed her harshly as she felt him at her entrance. She cried out in anticipation, her body trembling with need.

"Please," she begged, her voice hoarse with lust." Please don't hold back."

He slid into her slowly, his eyes locking onto hers as he filled her, inch by inch. She arched her back, her nails digging into his skin as she felt him stretch her.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice a low growl.

"Yes," she breathed, her voice shaking with desire. "I need you."

He sank further in, the stretch blinding and exquisite, as she welcomed him back inside her.

He began to move, his thrusts slow and deep, one hand braced on the stone wall, the other around her waist as he took her, her legs still hooked at his elbows. Her nails raked across his back, her moans lost in the roar of the storm.

It still wasn't enough.

"Don't hold back," she pleaded. "Don't go easy on me. You can't break me."

She needed to hurt, to feel, to be taken to her limit and beyond, to have every ounce of emotion that bled between them collide in this moment. She needed him to remind her that she was alive, and so was their love.

He growled low in his throat, his eyes burning with desire as he thrust into her with savage intensity. She tried to meet his movements but he overpowered her, pounding her into the stone wall, turning her moans into sharp cries of pleasure.

The rain beat down on them, merging with the sounds of their passion. Together, they were a force of nature, as powerful as the storm that raged outside the fortress walls.

Her breaths came in short, jagged gasps as she let herself be consumed by the fire that burned between them.

Astarion groaned low in her ear, his thrusts growing more erratic. Each impact sent shockwaves through her body like a thousand lightning bolts coursing through her veins. She knew she shouldn't be surprised by the intensity of their lovemaking, but she couldn't deny the raw, visceral pleasure that surged through her with every stroke.

Every thrust against her caused his lower stomach to brush against her clit, giving her delicious friction. She came twice from his deliberate pounding until tears were streaming down her face.

It was beautiful – the feeling.

Yet, this was more than just physical desire. It was the culmination of everything they'd been through, the sum of their pain, joy, love, and fears. In this moment, she could feel their connection, a bond forged by fire and ice, blood and sacrifice .

Astarion's breaths grew ragged, his grip tightening on her waist. His movements became more frantic, as if he, too, was struggling to contain himself.

Gods, she wanted to die with him buried inside her.

His mouth pressed against hers, and it was animalistic the way he licked into her mouth, the way he sucked on her tongue and bit down on her lip. Lyra never wanted it to end.

She wanted it to be the best way to say goodbye.

Because loving him meant doing the right thing. And the right thing was not to raise that child with him. It was to let them both go.

Astarion groaned in her ear as he held her up, breathing in her exhales and moving against her with such feral intensity.

And then, it happened. With a groan that seemed to echo the storm outside, Astarion slammed into her, his hips stuttering as he gave her a few short, slow thrusts. She felt his release, hot and intense as if the very fire of their love had been unleashed within her.

Lyra's body shook, screaming his name as her own climax washed over her like a tidal wave. Her muscles clenched around him, drawing out his release until she felt his knees buckle, but he still held her up.

Like he always did. "

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angies-writing-blog · 11 months ago

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A Devil's Grief (Raphael x Tav)

Ao3 Link

Carelessness on Raphael's part had cost him the precious little mouse her life.

Rushing towards the open attack of the enemy army with an extraordinary spirit of sacrifice.

Giving her companions enough time to build up their defences

... but also to save Raphael from certain destruction.

No quick and peaceful death was granted for her.

Repentance for her sin still had to be done by the little mouse.

According to the gods, this consisted of not even falling into his arms,

pierced by enemy weapons, barely able to make a move and succumbing to elemental forces.

Pulling her into his arms, all soaked in blood, she was incapable of words

...because of the arrow stuck in her throat.

Neither poisoned nor enchanted, it had hit with critical success.

Pale around the nose, his little mouse had always been, but the increasingly grey tone was alarming.

And the cyanotic glow around her lips revealed that her body was no longer able to maintain vital functions.

Shallow and infrequent breaths emerged, struggling for air at times.

Dilated pupils stared at him without focussing on anything in particular.

Raphael had only ever seen the glow of the universe in her eyes, never intimidation or fear.

In denial, Raphael raised his voice, assuring her that everything would be all right.

But the expression she met him with revealed that she was enveloped in a silence that, like a sudden and impenetrable fog, stole the outline of all words.

Turning all her attention to his lips, she focussed on the shapes, not understanding a whisper.

Speaking softly, Raphael returned her gaze to his.

Uttering three words clearly, which she understood in time before the pulsating world, spinning in circles, picked up speed and darkness finally engulfed her.

Preventing the little mouse from acknowledging all his feelings.

Standing still, all of a sudden, both her companions, who had fallen into a state of shock, and their outnumbered enemies.

No longer possessed Raphael's voice a mortal sound, even the stars trembled at the infernal cry.

Never before had even one soul seen tears forming in the devil's eyes, pooling like in front of a dam whose wall showed an unimaginable vulnerability and finally broke when it was least expected.

During this war of hells, fought on earthly ground.

Slowly, the door to Raphael's inner world opened.

Knowing all the tears in the world would not bring back her life.

Many things now made sense for his little mouse's companions.

Love was what the devil felt for this small and fragile human child.

Nobody had noticed it all this time;

neither had anyone recognised the little crushes they had on each other nor noticed the obvious desire for closeness.

Crumbling cracks of restraint formed in the salty spray along his cheeks.

And the otherwise imperturbable façade was pervaded by an expression of unease.

For the first time, the dark clouds inside Raphael gained the upper hand. Roaring tempest unstoppable.

Engulfed by invisible flames, his prominent facial features were distorted into something demonic

...something never seen before.

Leathery, shimmering wings erupted from his back, their span expanding, bearing the burden of all cosmic grief.

Fiery glow enveloped his body while the ground shook beneath his clawed feet.

Nature itself seemed to mourn the passing of this life.

Crown-like horns extended menacingly towards the sky, manifesting an eldritch power never seen before.

"Now I understand, why she always referred to him as a fallen angel and never called him a devil", Astarion confessed.

Powerless, he watched as Raphael rose in demonic form, carrying the seemingly lifeless body tightly pressed against him.

"This war is about to end, isn't it?"

Karlach tried to organise what had just happened, retreating together with her comrades.

Shaking his head and turning away from the tragedy, Astarion replied:

"No. The war was already over when the fading of her life turned his flaming heart to ice."

Loud rumbling sounded...

#fanfic #baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 raphael #bg3 astarion #bg3 tav #raphael x tav #raphael x reader #ao3 #short one shot #baldurs gate tav

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etoilehistoire · 1 year ago

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When talking about Astarion’s choice to ascend or not, we tend to act like it's our choice. The player decides if he ascends or not. But... there IS a roll involved. Yes, as players if it doesn't go the way we want we can always reload and try again, but... in-game, the characters don't have that option. What would happen, then, if a Tav desperately tried to talk him out of ascending... and failed? Rolled a one? What might they do? What might happen next?

This story takes place after the end of the game.

The little farmhouse was in the middle of nowhere – no other homes in sight, miles from the nearest town.

Not that Wyll was surprised. In her shoes, he’d surely value his solitude too.

It was pretty, he noticed as he rode up the path. A dark brown roof over white walls, almost completely hidden behind trellises of morning glories, climbing roses, and other flowers. A spray of sunflowers nearly hid the door. Berry bushes sprawled across the front yard in glorious disorder, many of them sporting ripe fruit that filled the morning air with a sweet scent. And there, filling a bowl with blueberries, her dark hair pulled back in a scarf, was Xia.

She turned when she heard his horse's hooves, a slow smile spreading across her face. “I’ll be damned. How long has it been? Ten years?”

“At least,” he agreed with a grin. Hopping down, he clasped her arm in greeting, and wasn’t the least bit surprised when she pulled him into a full-bodied hug instead. “Oof! You’re strong as ever. Country life suits you.”

She looked well too, he mused a moment later, stepping back to look her over. Her hair had a little grey at the temples, and crow's feet were beginning to form at the corner of her unscarred eye, but she seemed more at ease with herself and the world than he remembered her being before.

She laughed at the comment. “I suppose it does. But what about you? I didn’t expect to see you out here in the middle of nowhere! How’s the war going? How’s Karlach? How’s her heart?”

He threw up his hands in mock surrender, laughing. “So many questions! And the answers are all related. The war never ends, of course – it will outlive all of us. But sometimes you have to step away from battle for a moment, to focus on more important things.” He smiled, a softness entering his voice. “Karlach's new heart is treating her well. It’s stable. So stable, in fact, that… well, that’s part of what I came to tell you.” His dark skin flushed even darker. “We’re expecting.”

She gasped. “No.”

“Yes! Dammon's with her now; she’s already complaining about us coddling her.”

Xia laughed, the sound open and free. “Oh, I’ll bet. Tell her you’ll knock her down and sit on her if she doesn’t behave.” Looping her arm through his, she continues. “You have to tell me everything! Let me show you around while you do; I’ve got a little orchard started – the trees won’t bear fruit for another year or two, but it’s pretty. And oh, do you like tomatoes? Please say at least one of you does, I have so many tomatoes and I don’t know what to do with them all…”

She’s freer with her words now too, he noted, holding back a smile as he let her ramble on. She gave him a quick tour; he dutifully admired the gardens, and smiled at the chickens and the cantankerous goat.

Finally she gave him a sideways glance. “But happy as your news is, it could have been delivered in a letter. And you didn’t come all the way out here to see my flowers and be loaded up with spare vegetables. What’s up?”

He gave her a gentle smile. “Actually? I wanted to check on you. I was surprised to hear you’d hung up your sword.”

She smiled, but it seemed more reserved now. “I got out of the game, Wyll. It happens.”

“Doesn’t usually happen to someone who makes the kind of name for themselves as you did.”

She was silent at this. After a long moment he added, gently, “They’re singing songs about you, you know. About what you did.”

Now her shoulders sagged. “Ah.”

“Is it true?”

She looked away, dark eyes staring off into the blue morning sky. “They would hardly sing songs about it if it wasn’t.”

He touched her shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What is there to say?” She still didn’t look at him. This, this was the Xia he remembered, careful and closed-off. It made him sad to see. “The ascended vampire lord has been destroyed and his budding empire torn down. I dealt the death-blow myself.”

His heart hurt for her. He, too, had grieved what Astarion had become, but he’d never been as close with the vampire as she was. Xia had always been driven to do the right thing, but he couldn’t imagine how it must have felt, having to kill her former lover. “Is that why…?”

“Why I stopped?” She shrugged. “I made a mess, Wyll. It was on me to clean it up. Once I did, that life didn’t have much appeal for me anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and meant it. “We should have been there with you. You shouldn’t have had to do it alone.”

“I did have an army with me,” she replied mildly. “I was hardly ‘alone.’” Glancing over at him, she gave him a small smile. “I’m glad you weren’t, honestly. It makes me happy that you and the others are living your lives. You deserve some peace.”

He returned the smile. “Well. So do you.”

“And I’ve found it.” She leaned into him, wrapping an arm around him in a half-hug. “Listen, I do want to catch up, and I have missed you, but I’m afraid I have to be a bad host. The house is a mess – turns out I’m a much better gardener than I am a housekeeper – and I never get company out here so I don’t have a guest room set up. Maybe we could-"

Just then the door banged open and someone strolled out of the house. Lanky build. White, curling hair. Skin tanned pale gold from the sun. Pointed ears. Clutching a mug of coffee in his hand.

“Darling,” he drawled, “did a blight destroy our berry bushes overnight? Did you have to plant entirely new ones before you could pick the blueberries? I don’t mean to be impatient, but you promised me muffins, not abandonment-"

“Astarion??”

He froze. She froze. Wyll stared between them, his eyes growing wide as he tried to process what he was seeing.

Then Xia turned toward him, slowly, with the absolute strangest expression he had ever seen on her face: a guilty, sheepish smile.

“Explain.”

~15-20 Years Earlier~

Astarion sat on Cazador’s- no. His throne, now. His, all his, and he should be happy about it, damn it. Instead he drummed his fingers, their last conversation playing in his head.

“You will regret leaving me. More than anything else you live to regret.”

She’d simply looked at him with her quiet eyes. “No, Star. The only thing I regret is that I couldn’t stop you from doing this to yourself.”

He scowled. What did she know? He hadn’t ‘done anything to himself’ except seize the power he deserved, the power that always should have been rightfully his. After 200 years of pain, of fear, of being weak, now finally he was the one who was strong. He would never be afraid again. He could have kept her safe too, could have given her everything she ever wanted. Instead she rejected it. Said she liked him better when he was weak. When he was pathetic.

She didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve the gifts his power would have bestowed. So be it. She could grow old and suffer and die, while he was beautiful and strong forever, and he wouldn’t care. He was better off without an ingrate like her anyway. He would put her entirely out of his mind and never think of her again.

It didn’t go as well as he’d hoped.

The first thing to do, of course, was make new spawns. He was powerful, of course, but he was only one man. An army of offspring, all loyal to him, all able to be controlled by him, would increase his power exponentially, allow him to effectively be everywhere at once.

So he started.

His first spawn was less than pleased by his new fate. That was fine. Astarion hadn’t suffered under Cazador all those years without learning a few tricks to break the will of a rebellious slave. If the boy couldn’t see the advantages of serving the most powerful vampire lord to ever exist, he would instead learn the folly of resistance. He’d come around in time. Astarion would make sure of it.

The second, by contrast, took to it like a duck to water. She had a streak of cruelty that delighted him, and she was a sensible girl, able to understand the quid-pro-quo of “serve me loyally, and I’ll be good to you.” Yes, she would work out nicely.

It was when he was out hunting his third spawn that he hit a snag.

A tall girl. Well-muscled from hard work. Dark hair, dark eyes – a round face with a serious expression. Not Xia, of course, but similar enough to her that they could have been sisters.

He brought her back, of course, fully intending to turn her. As he should have turned Xia, nevermind that she said she didn’t want it. Once it was done she would have seen the benefits, and even if she hadn’t, she couldn’t have left him then anyway. He should have done it.

Her face came back to him, the way he’d seen it last. Cold. Sad. Judgmental, as if she had any right to judge him. He snarled, the rage filling his mind, and lunged.

When he drew back she was dead, her glassy eyes staring at the ceiling as the tattered remains of her throat slowly dripped onto his second-best couch. Ugh. Such a waste.

He made his first spawn clean up the mess – it would do the boy good to get used to such things. His second spawn (he should learn their names eventually, or perhaps give them new ones) he sent out to hunt a replacement. “And,” he added, glancing back to the cooling corpse. “If you can… find someone who looks like her.”

He could control himself better the next time. Of course he could.

He saw her again, a year or so later.

By that point his influence had grown enough that he was making alliances with other power players, but he wasn’t quite high enough – yet – to force them to come to him. So he was traveling, visiting a strange town to seal a deal.

He hadn’t had to hunt himself for months – his pets brought him all the fresh blood he could want. Still, there was nothing quite like the thrill of the chase, and he was in a new place where his face wasn’t widely known… so why not? Why not, for old time's sake? He donned a cloak, headed to a nearby tavern, and watched the crowd.

And there she was. Singing, for the gods' sake, like she was some common wench and not a paladin. His lip twisted in pity and disgust. If she’d only listened to him, she could be living in luxury right now, her every whim seen to, instead of debasing herself like this. Singing for her supper. She might as well whore herself out.

He stayed and listened, his fury growing as he did so. The song was sad, and told the story of a woman who had loved a powerful man, but her love wasn’t enough to keep him with her and so he had abandoned her.

How dare she. As if she hadn’t left him! As if he hadn’t offered her the world, if only she’d stayed! How dare she paint him as the unfaithful one, how dare she mourn their love! She had no right!

His hunt forgotten, he waited for her until she left the lights of the tavern. Stepping out of the dark night, he grabbed her by the throat and forced her back against the wall. “You know, darling, if you miss me that much you could always come home.” He bared his fangs, moving in closer. “Your place as my consort is still open. In fact, I’ve half a mind to put you there anyway – there are others who would kill to be my most beloved spawn, you’d learn to appreciate it in time.”

A blade pressed against his throat – gods, he’d forgotten how fast she was. Cold eyes stared into his. “If.”

He considered his odds. Her throat was right there – but lunging for it would mean the dagger slicing into his own neck. Possibly he could incapacitate her before it cut all the way through… but possibly not. “Beg pardon?” he asked, playing for time.

“If.” Her gaze grew, if anything, even harder. “I told you that it was a big ‘if.’ That I didn’t see it happening. But it’s getting closer.”

He stilled. He remembered now – a conversation long ago, around a fire. How pathetic he’d been then, cringing and sniveling, as if he needed her approval or affection. “Oh, pretty paladin, please tell me you aren’t threatening me.”

“Not a threat. A warning.” Now she leaned into him, bringing their faces close. “I know that ethics won’t move you, nor morality. Not love, not mercy, not kindness. You’ve seen to that.” Her words were quiet and emotionless, fired at him with a dreadful matter-of-factness. “So I’m appealing to enlightened self-interest. Keep your predations to a reasonable level, vampire. For your sake and mine: don’t become something I’m honor-bound to kill.”

He snarled, hate twisting his features. The blade biting into his neck was becoming uncomfortable; he took a few steps back, pretending it was his own idea, glaring all the while. “The arrogance. You really believe you could do anything to me? To me?”

She sighed. “Oh, Star. You know I was never afraid of you, right? Not once. Not even with your teeth in my neck. That hasn’t changed.” Her knife disappeared, vanishing into whatever hidden pocket she’d drawn it from. “Perhaps you should have been more afraid of me.”

And with that, she turned her back on him – deliberately – and walked away.

And Astarion, for reasons he absolutely did not understand, let her.

It wasn’t enough.

He wasn’t safe enough.

He wasn’t strong enough.

He had an entire horde of spawn bound to him, yes, but they could only operate at night. That was a limitation, and limitations were weakness.

He’d had the idea, once, to cover the city in fog and clouds, blocking out the sun, making it safe for his little pets. So he did. It took a while, of course, but he figured it out in the end.

Of course, then the people in the city were angry. There were rumblings of discontent. That wouldn’t do. The city should be his – he deserved that much, didn’t he? And anyone who disagreed, well. He always needed food. And he always needed entertainment. Those who spoke against him could provide both – quietly at first, then as publicly as possible – until no one else dared to speak.

So the city became his. But then it occurred to him – it was only one city. A single city could be destroyed, could it not? No, it wasn’t enough. To be truly safe, to be truly powerful, he needed multiple cities.

He needed an empire.

And, after all, why shouldn’t he have one? Why shouldn’t he rule this land? Who could stand against him?

Some years into this, the rumors first reached his ears. Whispers of tales told in taverns and common rooms, songs sung in secrecy. The story of a paladin who had been betrayed by a vampire lord, who would ease her heartbreak by taking revenge on her evil ex-lover.

He was furious. He sent out an entire squadron of spawn, with instructions: tear out the tongues of anyone heard repeating this rumor. He nailed the tongues to a board in the square, scores of them, a grisly display for all to see.

But the stories kept being spread.

Soon it was more than whispers. An army was amassing to the west, led by a scarred paladin, sworn to bring him down. Xia's name seemed to be on every pair of lips – a beacon of hope, they called her. A hero, come to free them from the scourge of – well, of him.

He hated her. Gods, he hated her. How could he have ever thought he loved her? It wasn’t enough to abandon him, to throw away everything he’d tried to give her. She had to try to destroy everything he was working so hard to build, too? Everything that would finally, finally make him secure, safe, happy?

They moved slowly. First a tiny border town, one he had only barely secured. The spawn he’d left in charge was killed, the fog dispersed. The people were free.

He sneered when he heard it. ‘Free.’ Free to live their miserable, pathetic lives, perhaps. To die meaningless deaths. Instead of being led by someone with vision, someone who would have protected them, who would only have taken a few lives here and there – and even then, those who died would have known they were sacrificing to further a glorious cause! But no. They wanted to live and die like animals? Fine. He didn’t need that town anyway. He had others.

But her army didn’t stop there. They moved forward, inexorably, whittling apart his budding empire and growing stronger all the while as people flocked to her banners.

He screamed as the reports came in, as he heard of each new city lost. Sometimes he took it out on the messenger. Sometimes he took it out on the townsfolk. So what if he did? It was her fault anyway, for angering him like this.

Then they were there, in his home city, moving closer, fighting pitched battles in the street. It should have been impossible for them to fight him here, in his own territory, but here they were, growing closer by the day. Until the city was theirs. Until they reached his walls.

And stopped.

They didn’t move on the castle.

Maybe they were recovering from the battle, licking their metaphorical wounds. Maybe they didn’t think they were strong enough. Maybe they were doing reconnaissance, or building a powerful weapon, or waiting for the stars to align. Whatever the reason, they stopped, and for months there was a stalemate. Astarion took advantage of it, building up his defenses and training his pets. If they were going to give him breathing room, he’d make them regret it.

Then, after several months, something changed. He wasn’t sure what – he shuddered, as if someone had walked over his grave, and afterwards he knew something was different. Something had fundamentally changed, and he hated that he didn’t know what.

A week after that, the attack came.

The fighting in the lower levels wasn’t going well, he could tell by the sound. His spawn were fighting for their own lives and his, he’d summoned wolves and bats and everything else he could think of, and yet the army kept coming, kept slicing his forces apart.

And then she was there.

In his private rooms. Alone.

He grinned when he saw her. “The years are catching up to you, Xia. Is that grey I see in your hair?” He clucked. “Should have let me turn you when you were still young and – well, as pretty as you’d ever be.”

She regarded him quietly, naked sword in hand. “I didn’t come here to talk, Astarion. I came here to kill you.”

“You still think you can?” He sneered. “Your little soldiers down there might be able to defeat my spawns, pretty paladin. But I am the ascended vampire. You cannot bring me down.”

“I can,” she said – calmly. Steadily. “And I will. I promised to make it quick, Astarion. And it will be.”

With that, they flew at each other.

She was every bit as fast and strong as he remembered – more so, even, after the decade or more she’d had to improve. But he was stronger too. Faster. And he had more tricks up his sleeve.

He drew first blood – the fingernails he’d allowed to grow long, had sharpened into talons, missed her neck but scraped against the melted flesh of her scar. He paused, grinning, and licked a drop of blood off of one of them.

Hells below, it was sweet. He’d forgotten how good she tasted.

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy draining you dry,” he purred, and lunged again.

He relished the look of surprise on her face the first time he turned into mist, her sword passing harmlessly through him. He danced around her, waiting for her to grow tired and out of breath, something he no longer needed to worry about.

She stabbed. He misted. He laughed inwardly at the confusion in her eyes as she looked around, trying to figure out where he was this time. Silently, he materialized behind her, moving in for the kill.

Too late, he realized it had been a feint, as she whirled to face him, knowing exactly where he’d be.

Too late, he saw the blade swinging for his neck.

Too late.

In his cold dead heart, he hadn’t actually thought she could kill him, any more than he could kill her. Oh, he could consider it. Fantasize about it, even. But actually do it? No. They were bound together. He would disarm her. Render her helpless. Then turn her, as he always should have, and they would be together. Forever. As it always should have been.

He was wrong.

There was the excruciating pain of the sword through his neck. The sickening spin of the world as his head left his shoulders and tumbled down. The darkness taking over his vision.

Then nothing.

The first thing he was aware of was… warmth.

He was warm.

That was new.

He opened his eyes to see Xia bending over him, her eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down her cheeks. That was wrong. Xia never cried. Not once, in all the time he’d known her.

“Oh gods,” she gasped out, as soon as she saw his eyes open. Then, standing, she stumbled away, turning her back to him as her shoulders shook.

Carefully, he sat up. His body felt… weird. Something was on him, littering his lap and the floor near him. Little stones, or gems maybe, but hollow and blackened as if they’d been burnt from the inside. He touched one and it crumbled to dust.

Something was wrong. Something felt wrong, familiar and alien at once. He stilled, trying to feel it, to understand what was happening to his body.

It was a heartbeat. It was his heartbeat. For the first time in over 200 years.

He stared at the paladin’s back. “Xia… what did you do?”

The answer was slow in coming. When it did, it was in a voice that was dull and despairing. “I undid the most important choice you ever made for yourself. I ignored your wishes and turned you into what I wanted you to be, without your consent. That’s what I did.”

His breath (he had breath!) caught. He stared at the crumbling gems again. Diamonds, he realized. Or they had been, before.

He remembered… oh, he remembered the ritual. He remembered Xia trying to talk him out of it. He’d ignored her, so sure he knew what he was doing, so sure it was the only way.

He remembered everything he’d done after.

His stomach heaved and he doubled over, retching, unable to bring anything up except strings of yellow bile. Still the horror and disgust washed over him in waves.

He'd become his own worst nightmare. He was as bad as Cazador.

No. He was worse.

When he finally regained the ability to speak, he croaked, “Why?”

She shrugged – one-shouldered, listless. “Because I’m selfish? Because I knew I needed to kill you, but I wasn’t ready to live in a world without you in it? Because I would rather have you alive to hate me dead.”

He shook his head, not understanding. “No. Not – what? Why would I hate you?”

She hesitated. “Star. You made a choice. You chose power. That was your choice; my choice was to fight you. And that choice was mine to make… but I didn’t have the right to take your choice away. You’ve been treated like a thing for too long, you deserve to make your own choices about your own life. And I knew that, and I did it to you anyway. Knowing it was wrong.”

He felt sick. “No. I didn’t – I didn’t know. Xia, please, I – I chose to do the ritual, yes. But I didn’t know it would be like this.” He swallowed. “I didn’t know I would be like this.”

She did turn then, tears streaming from her eyes, turned and knelt with him. Shaking, her hands reached out to cup his face. Hope, wild and fierce, blazed in her watery eyes. “You didn’t? Star. Please. Swear it. Tell me you didn’t want… this.”

He shuddered, shaking his head fiercely. “I swear it. Xia, the things I wanted to do to you – I would never.” He covered his face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Strong arms wrapped around him then, holding him close; he let himself lean into her embrace, feeling like he didn’t deserve it. “You should have killed me,” he whispered. “You should have let me stay dead. The things I did… Xia, you don’t know the things I did.”

“You can tell me,” she murmured back, “if you want. But it wasn’t you. If you didn’t know what the ritual would do… then you didn’t choose what you’d turn into. The person who did those things, it’s not you, and it’s not anyone you would choose to be.”

“It was still my hands,” he whispered. “Still my voice that gave the orders. You tried to warn me.”

“I did,” she replied, rubbing his back. “With things I guessed. Suspected. Not things I knew. You were scared. You wanted something to make you strong. I wouldn’t have believed my warnings either.”

He had nothing to say to that, unable to believe in the easy forgiveness but unwilling to reject it either. He clung to her in silence, until the shaking stopped.

Finally he asked, “…What happens now?”

“Mmm. My army is pretty gung-ho on ‘kill the vampire,’” she mused. “Probably you’ll want to lay low for a while. I’ll tell them you’re dead, and after things calm down I can smuggle you out of the castle.”

He nodded, sitting back and wiping his face. “I’ll… I don’t know where I’ll go,” he admitted, “but I’ll figure something out. I won’t make trouble for you, I promise.”

She frowned. “…Oh,” she said after a moment. “I mean… yes, of course you can go off on your own, if that’s what you want.” She hesitated. “I just… can I give you anything? Money, supplies?”

He shook his head, not looking her in the eyes. “You’ve given me the greatest gift I could ask for. I’m… Xia, I’m alive.” A laugh escaped him, soft and disbelieving. “I never thought, never even dared to hope… it’s freedom. True freedom. A second chance, despite everything I’ve done. I… I couldn’t ask for more. I’ve done enough to your life as it is.”

Silence. Then slowly, tentatively, gentle fingers reached out to push hair away from his face. “I mean,” she said, hesitant. “You could do more.”

He looked up then, meeting her eyes with a look of utter confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I delayed my attack for months – over the loud objections of my generals – until I could get my hands on the magics that could bring you back,” she said. “Because I didn’t want to risk killing you for real. I mean that even knowing that I had the magic to fix it, it still hurt more than I can say to see you dead by my hand. I mean that I didn’t do all of that because I never wanted to see you again afterwards.”

Now his eyes filled with tears. “Xia. You can’t mean that.”

“Can’t I?” She met his stare unflinching, and there – in her dark eyes, there she was, his quiet, pretty paladin. “Astarion. My Star. I love you. I’ve always loved you. Nothing has changed that. Nothing could.”

He shook his head. “I’ve killed people. Enslaved people. Tortured people, mutilated people. For bad reasons, when there was a reason at all. I don’t-" He ducked his head. “I don’t deserve you. I never did.”

“Oh, Star.” She reached out, her fingers soft in his hair – and then, suddenly, she was gripping his hair, gently forcing his his head up like she did the first time he fed on her, when he lost control. She raised his head until she could meet his gaze. “I already cut your head off once.”

He stared at her. “I. What?”

“I already cut your head off once.” Her mouth twisted. “It almost killed me to do so, but I did it. Was that not enough punishment? I can do it again, if you need me to; bringing you back should be much easier now. Or I can just yell at you a lot, if that’s easier. Tell you what a horrible awful person you are and why you should feel bad.”

His heart lightened even as he scowled. “You’re making fun of me.”

“Little bit.” Her grip on his hair loosened and she sat back, ruffling the curls once before letting her hand drop entirely. “I could tell you again that I don’t blame you for what you did, but you didn’t believe me the first time, so. Let’s do this instead. You say you don’t deserve me. But what do I deserve?” She leaned in. “Do I, or do I not, deserve to finally be with the man I love? After fighting for him all this time?”

Gods, she was going to be the death of him. Again. He swallowed hard. “Can you blame me for thinking you could do better?”

“Better than the love of my life?” She smiled. “Can you blame me for not believing that that’s possible?” He melted. How, how could she still believe such things about him?

She touched his cheek again, her thumb running lightly over his cheekbone. “Beloved. My night has been empty for over ten years.” She leaned in. “Please. Give me back the stars?”

He felt himself sag forward. Felt his lips meet hers.

It felt like giving in. It felt like giving up.

It felt like deciding to live again.

~Present Day~

As the story wound down, Wyll reached for another blueberry muffin – they were really very good. “So… a combination of Wish and True Resurrection? Clever.”

Xia nodded. “I cast Wish ahead of time, to undo the time limit on my next use of True Resurrection.”

“Which I felt,” Astarion chimed in. “It was itchy, feeling someone mess with my fate.”

“I’m not sorry. Anyway, I took a week to recover from the effects, and then the rest is history.”

He nodded. “How did you know it would work?”

“She didn’t.” Astarion arched an eyebrow, smearing butter on a muffin. “Which I remind her of all the time, that if her theory had been wrong I would be dead for good.”

“Yes, you do, love, and it’s not traumatizing at all,” Xia deadpanned, poking him. “But, Wyll, you can see why we keep it a secret?” Her eyes met his, pleading. “You and I, we knew him before, and we understand the circumstances. But someone who lived through the Dark Times… whose son or daughter or sister or husband was taken to the castle and never returned… they wouldn’t forgive. They’d come looking for him.” She glanced at the elf by her side. “Maybe they’d even have a right to. But gods help me, I don’t care.”

He nodded slowly. “No, I… I understand the predicament. But… well, you understand I’m not the only one who cares about you two?” He leaned in across the breakfast table. “Astarion, I’ve talked to some of the others from back then. We all grieved, when we thought you were dead.” He glanced at Xia. “And for you, when we thought you’d had to kill him.”

Astarion blinked, but recovered quickly. “Hmm. I would have thought I’d burned those bridges long ago. Surely a decade or so of terror matters more than a few weeks of sharing a common enemy?”

Wyll reached out, laying a hand across his pale wrist. “You were our friend. We didn’t forget that, even after you changed. We never stopped caring about you.”

Astarion blinked again, then looked down; there was a rustle under the table, like the sound of one person kicking another. “I told you,” Xia murmured, then turned to Wyll. “Every new person who learns a secret increases the chances that it will get out,” she said seriously. “That’s why I was trying to get rid of you before. Nothing personal, just. That’s how the numbers work.” She sighed. “But… we do trust you. If you’re in contact with the others, if you think they can keep this secret… we’ll trust your judgment.”

He felt a rush of warmth within him at the words, at the two cagiest members of his old party choosing to trust him with something so monumental. “It’s been about fifteen years,” he remarked. “Maybe twenty. Might be high time for a reunion. We could have a party and everything.”

Xia and Astarion glanced at each other, a whole conversation seeming to pass between them. Finally Xia sighed, turning back to him with an expression of resignation that didn’t actually hide the joy beneath the surface. “You’re really going to make me set up that guest room, huh?”

He grinned. “I am. I really, really am.”

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #baldurs gate astarion #xia!tav #astarion x tav #bg3 #etoilewrites #astarion bg3 #non-canon #wyll ravengard #bg3 wyll

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atsadi-shenanigans · 4 months ago

Text

Feeding Alligators 70 - Bad Blood

You and Astarion have nothing else to do but talk.

On AO3.

You lie on your side. Your sinuses burn and your mouth tastes of puke and blood. You try to spit as another gag hits you. You bring up less, this time, though you still can’t rise or reliably lift your head. Your chin feels itchy; it’s caked down the side of your mouth.

Limbs barely work as you inchworm and flop further away from this newer spill.

You are real careful not to look up beyond that, at the body lying nearby.

Your own body gives out before too long. Too shaky. Too weak. You’re probably in shock.

The clearing is still lit in dim, flickering torchlight, though the horse bolted a bit ago. Knocked the torch right off the saddle. Must’a been the screaming. It’s a small miracle the forest floor hasn’t caught fire.

Your face is wet. It ain’t just your earlier lunch and, and that red. You ain’t sure when the tears started but they sure haven’t stopped and there ain’t shit you can do about it.

A soft noise. A kinda guttural clicking.

Astarion lays where he got dropped, the big stake still sticking outta him. That ain’t the sort of thing nobody should ever see in a person; that one’s gonna come back in your dreams. But you don’t got any real control, much less the detailed hand movements you’re gonna need to free him of it.

But maybe it don’t have to be all the way out?

You wiggle over. It takes a fucking decade. You gotta flop yourself this way and that. Stop to huff and pant and gag—though your stomach is empty by now. Then you do reach him, and it’s a stupid display of rolling around to get your arms up, over him. Which is a nice distraction from thinking about how draped over somebody you are. He makes another sound, but you’re so busy with this job you cannot pay attention.

Your chin and cheek itch. Bits flake off. You don’t got to look to know they’re a rusty brown color. You seen dried blood before.

Every muscle in your body seizes as you try to lift an arm. You fall onto Astarion again and he reeks of blood and something sour. The gorge rises in your throat; you gotta close your eyes and take several, several moments to shove it down.

One job.

You get a trembling hand around that stake. Your fingers are cold sausages. Freshly dead fish still twitching. You jostle the damn thing and Astarion’s face goes dreadful.

“S-sorry. I-I d-don’t…”

One fucking job.

You fumble it. Try again. Fucker don’t budge. You risk a glance up to find Astarion’s mouth open in a silent scream that goes all blurry cause you eyes are fucking leaking again.

Get your goddamn, motherfucking shit together, Eleanor.

Fucking do it.

Another tug. You throw your body at it. Move the goddamn thing around and you can’t see through the tears. It twists, turns in your hands, slides less than an inch—

The body beneath you comes alive. He swats your face as he reaches for the thing. Wrenches it free in a fine spray of blood. Then he’s rolling, hacking, making horrible sounds—

You hit the ground as he surges away. He don’t even pause. And your strength is gone. You’re done. Can only lie there as he tries to stand. Then his legs give out and he barely clears you before he starts to puke.

Gandrel said that deer was poisoned. His body is apparently rejecting that blood.

You focus on breathing as it goes on and on. Much longer than he should. Brings up more than a stomach should be able to hold. You barely manage to shimmy a couple inches away from him as it slows. As it eventually stops, and he’s left crouching on all fours, head down like a sick dog.

Finally, he lifts a sleeve to wipe at his mouth. He’s near the torch; has the sense to pluck it off the forest floor.

And that seems to be the limit of his strength, too. He gives out entirely. Got just enough in him to drag himself the foot or so over to a tree and slump against it, legs sprawled out before him.

The giant hole in his chest is wet with blood. You’re pretty sure you’re looking past broken ribs and into oozing lung tissue.

Oh look, you got more to vomit up yourself. How nice.

As you lay on your side, panting and spitting, Astarion finds his weak, raspy voice. “Took you long enough.”

To chew open Gandrel’s throat. To kill him. To kill him bad and painful and horrifying. Cause he knew it was happening. Tried to push you off as your teeth finally broke his skin. But he landed on that rock and he couldn’t get his limbs to move right fast enough.

The irony ain’t lost on you.

He died knowing how. And you’ll have to live knowing the same.

“The f-fuck,” you say.

“I appreciate the dramatics,” the bitch says in the bitchiest tone. “But you waited entirely too long! Do you have any idea how much that hurt?”

Probably as bad as getting a neck chewed open.

“His f-fucking kids,” you spit out and almost scissor off the tip of your tongue. “W-what…his k-kids…”

“I have no idea.” He’s even sneering. You ain’t looking at him, but you can hear it. “Clearly he was making up some story so you’d let him take me, which you nearly did—”

Gandrel had been furious. Not shaking and throwing things; it was the quiet kind. Something somebody has to bury deep because showing it meant you were crazy and dangerous and one of those. But it burned like a coal seam fire in his eyes.

“Wasn’t-t a fucking l-lie! F-fuck was h-he talking ab-bout? A m-month a-a-ago? The fuck.”

“I don’t remember.”

“Bulls-shit! C-can’t move a-a-and neither can y-you. What’s he t-talking about?”

“I don’t know.”

You force your head to turn. Through shaking, shuddering eyes, he ain’t just pale; the man’s turned gray. Black bruises smear under his eyes, and they look…partially deflated. Like all the life and fluid in him got thrown up all over the ground and left him a moving husk.

And he looks mad. But…but under that is…scared. He starts to run a hand over his face, realizes it’s covered in bad blood, and stares at it. Then his hand flops limply into his lap.

“The thing about being tortured for two hundred years, my dear, is that it all starts to run together after some time. I brought back hundreds of victims to my master. Picking one or five or a dozen faces out of a sea of them would be like trying to remember which little bunny the wizard chopped up for your stew two tendays ago.”

And…oh. Oh god. There’s so much in that. So much fucked up shit you can only stare at him.

“A w-whole camp’s worth of k-kids?” You say and hate how your voice cracks and makes you sound like a stupid, little girl.

His face goes rigid with indifference. “There are decades I barely remember.”

He can’t just…you can’t believe he’d…

Except trauma does that, don’t it? Chews holes in your brain. That’s what all the forums and articles and even your own therapist said. Most times, you don’t think about the farmstead unless something reminds you of it—have to stomp that in the dirt before it can suck you in. When you do, when somebody asks or when you get stuck in your head about it, some parts of it are monstrous clear. But a lot of it…ain’t. It’s just gone. And you got no interest in unearthing it.

But a whole group of kids? How?

Two hundred years. Two hundred. You got fucked up from a decade and some change. Astarion ain’t human, ain’t even mortal no more. A living person can be hurt and fucked up for years, maybe decades. But two centuries? What does that even do to somebody?

What would that turn a person into?

Astarion sprawls there quietly. His eyes are glassy slits.

You twist around as best you can, thrashing around in the needles and dirt. “G-gonna find h-his p-people.”

You get to see the sneer this time. “Whatever for?”

Like that ain’t obvious. Like anybody but him would need it spelled out for him.

“Help them k-kill that fuckf-face.”

He looks at you a long moment, brow creased. Then a laugh bursts out of him. It’s an ugly sound, mean and condescending.

“Oh, my sweet, you think it’s that easy? You think I…that someone would have succeeded by now if it were that simple? Why do you think the gur wanted me so badly?”

You idiot fucking child, he didn’t say. Barely. And he’s right. The way he talks about that motherfucker, the way Gandrel did. The way all the others at camp reacted to Astarion? That piece of shit has to be a fucking monster.

Still.

“We g-got a whole g-group of m-murder hobos,” you say.

“And you think that will do it? That a band of brain-addled do-gooders—and a murderous gith—can take down a vampire lord? You think someone else hasn’t tried? A dozen of them? You think far more powerful groups haven’t come seeking his head? And for what. A band of filthy children you’ve never met?”

“Yes. A-Astarion. F-for them-m kids. And f-for you s-s-sorry ass!”

Which seems to slap the smug off’a him. The man boggles at you, until his whole face sharpens with suspicion and what looks a lot like pissed off.

“Why,” he says.

“The f-fuck you m-mean ‘why? ‘S-s fucked up!”

He looks even more pissed off. And chooses to express that with a sneer and a melodramatic, “And I suppose you expect me to fall into your arms over your good deed? Your boundless charity?”

The fuckshit, samhain hell? Ain’t no reason for him to spit in your face over common fucking decency.

“I-I don’t exp-pect nothing from you.” Sounds harsh. You want it to. Let it cut his stupid, ungrateful jackass face.

“Yes, you’ve made that quite clear.”

You just can’t win with him. No matter what angle you play, he deflects it and then insults you. The man is fucking insufferable.

“W-what’s your goddamn p-problem?”

And for what you suspect is the first time ever, the man drops his mask in front of you. All of them. The smarm, the bitch, and what you realize was the fucking polite. Beneath is a man made of teeth and sharp angles.

“You. You are my problem, darling. No one in the world does anything without expecting repayment. You want something from all of us. From me. But you won’t say what it is, and so I’m included to think it will be something quite extravagant.”

That’s…huh. That’s what that looks like from the other direction.

The worm in your brain shivers. You try to push yourself up—showing weakness in an argument lying on your side; too exposed, too horrifically vulnerable.

You can’t just tell him the truth. You don’t wanna be left behind. You got to be valuable to these people because without their help, you’re fucked. It’s too mercenary. Your last therapist frowned when you brought that up, and she asked you what made you think that cause you also know not everybody thinks that way (Sasha). That it’s farmstead shit.

But you ain’t at home, don’t got therapy and meds and motherfucking friends. That shit is gone. And all you got are these scraps to cling to, charity and goodwill and oh, that’s called irony, ain’t it? But you shove that down too, because this is bullshit and you fucking murdered a man and now this fucker wants to yell at you about it?

The fucker squints at you. The fucker is focusing way too hard on you.

The fuck—

The worm shivers again. Something else reaching for it. Someone else.

“Astarion,” you manage.

Then the brainworm digs tendrils into your brain and wrenches and you—

On the beach and it’s too much and you should lay down. Lay down and say nothing and wait for something else to come along and finish—

The potion burns your sinuses and you can hear them. And like that, you know how fucking weak you are. How pathetically reliant. Can’t even talk—

You’ll fuck up. You’ll make a bad call. You curl on your bedroll in the tent, nausea swimming sick and cold in your gut. It’s just a matter of time and Lae’zel is already watching you too close—

Raised voices in the living room and you crawl under the table. Edoda don’t never shout. He don’t never cry—

You’re bad. You’re dirty and stupid and bad and that’s why Mother put you down here, in the dark with the bugs and the scorpions and the snakes and you’re so hungry—

Not again! Never again! Get the fuck outta my—

Too fast. You swat at this, kick at it and bite and it’s all sand through your fingers. You sense startle and a fear and monstrous hunger that ain’t your own. He’s trying to untangle himself, trying to back free but you’re both wigged out and getting worse and your brainworms know safety in numbers, in being one and it locks you together even tighter.

Astarion watching you with your wrist bloody. Leaning in to whisper something, his lips on your skin and…

And he asked. He asked, and it’s the smart move—

You don’t want him to see this. You try to channel the two of you somewhere else, anywhere else, but he’s pushing back, a sick curiosity niggling at you both.

You sit by the lake as fat tears roll down your cheeks. All the deep breathing in the world ain’t calming you down. You don’t got a choice. Not really. You can be smart, or you can wait around until everybody realizes how stupid and useless you are. It’ll be fine. He’ll probably be good at it. It feels nice with yourself and lots of people love it and you’re getting a better first than a lot of people, you suspect. The dread builds anyway.

You don’t want to see this next part. Please, please no. It’s private. It’s your stupid bullshit and nobody else’s business and your brainworm peels layers of your mind back to expose the tender parts, and he’s horrified but you’re both pulled in anyway.

The clearing. That fucking clearing. He’s on you. Lips on yours, tongue in your mouth and you don’t know what to do with your hands, with letting somebody so close to you. It can feel good. You’re getting that. But the more you try to lean into that, the further it pulls away. All while that churning ball of cold mud and broken-bone—shame shame SHAME—chews up your insides. Filthy, sinful slut whoring herself out. Then his fingers press between your legs and all thought stutters as the sin comes screaming up your throat—

“Fuck FUCK! Jesus fucking christ!”

The connection snaps. It should feel like falling, like reeling away, staggering, tripping. But you’re already on the ground and your vision swims so bad you can’t see as hot water pours over your cheeks. Your brain is flayed open. Tender flesh, jellied and quivering and you make some horrific, guttural sound and curl up, fingers clawing at your scalp, lips peeled so far back it hurts.

“Don’t you ever fucking do that again!” you say. “I’ll fucking kill you! I’ll fucking find a way to fucking kill you!”

Nobody answers. Nobody moves. You rock as best you can with your horrifying body twitching like a dead thing. A fucking disgusting thing.

Those memories are yours. Yours alone. Your head is your space, your only one. The only place you can be, even when you barely knew what that was. Even when you knew the lord and the Pastor could see into it, listen to your secret thoughts. It was yours. Yours.

And now he’s seen.

You ain’t sure what, exactly. Probably the worst parts. Things you don’t tell nobody and that sonuvabitch went fucking snooping around your goddamn skull and he got no fucking right.

You blink enough to make out the pale form across from you.

He stares at you. Quiet. Wide eyes. Ain’t never seen him look like that. Won’t again, once you get hold of yourself and can get up and find a rock to smash into his goddamn, fucking face.

“You didn’t…want to,” he says, more breath than sound.

“T-that ain’t y-your fucking b-business.”

And down come them eyelids. His glare a blade hidden inside the halloween apple, waiting to slice soft, unsuspecting gums and tongue and cheeks.

But he pulls that sharpness back. You actually see him do it. Reigns himself in like a normal fucking person. Says instead, “Why. You’ve never been with anyone before, so why say yes when I asked?”

Your laugh is just as ugly as his. All rusted spikes and shattered glass. And once that loosens, the rest of the torrent pours out after it. All the shit you been bottling up. All the fear, the anger, the guilt and the shame and the goddamn helplessness and it bursts free like puss from a lanced boil. Sour and stinking and tinged with blood.

Astarion sits there. Watches you like you’re the danger here.

You kinda lose it for a while. At some point, you ain’t laughing no more and your face is wet. It’s too much to keep the structure in you upright. All the scaffolding you built to hem yourself in, keep yourself standing, strong and confident, it all finally groans and shudders and collapses in on itself, before crumbling down into the pit inside you.

Why did you agree.

“You asked,” you say.

“Pardon?”

Of all the things he saw, everything that happened, that is what he fixes on. The goddamn sex. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so goddamn narcissistic.

“Why I a-agreed to sex. Y-you asked.”

Astarion blinks. “Surely others have done so.”

You know what? Fine. This is what he wants to talk about? That is the most important little nugget of wisdom he pulled out of your bruised and screaming brain meat? Sure! Why the fuck not.

“Only as a j-joke,” you say. And maybe it’s all the crying, or maybe you just been out here long enough for the motherfucking toxin to be wearing thin. “N-not a looker.”

He sits there. Like he’s waiting for a real answer.

You got blood in your mouth that ain’t even yours. That man has seen the worst moment of your life while digging his grubby fucking fingers through your memories. So fuck him. He wants answers, you’ll give him fucking answers.

“It s-seemed like a good id-dea,” you say. Deep breath. Only stutters once. “Fucking you.”

“What do you mean?”

You snort. “I ain’t from here. I don’t g-got no useful skills; can’t fight, can’t use m-magic, and I can’t even fucking talk without Gale’s potions. I got n-no friends or family.”

Aww, you thought all your tears was dried up. Surprise, bitch! The human body is good at one thing and one thing only: producing mucus and tears.

“I got no people here. No s-safety net and nobody to turn to. I should be dead in a ditch. I would be except for y’all. So you asked, and…and I knew you was p-probably just looking to get your dick wet and I’m…”

You swipe at your face and almost run a thumbnail over your eye.

“I’d be the most desperate. The weakest one. B-but I thought…” You hold your breath a second and do your best to force calm (until another tremor shoves the air outta your lungs). But you’ll be damned if you hyperventilate now, in front of him. “I thought it’d be the easiest way to make an alliance. I-I could do that. People been doing that for thousands of years. And it’s fucked up, and I know that. B-but I was a chicken shit and I couldn’t f-follow through.”

Getting too hard to talk. You’re a useless asshole. A hot, fucking mess. Astarion carries his own weight, but you? Made a couple of good calls and it worked out thanks to sheer luck more than not. But that shit is precarious. You got to pay attention to everything and everyone all the fucking time. Got to watch them and balance what they want and what they say and you gotta be engaged every fucking second you ain’t in your tent or unconscious, and you lived alone before this, for Christ’s sake. You don’t got the energy for this.

“You agreed to sleep with me to make an alliance,” Astarion says, voice completely flat and unreadable, every syllable precisely enunciated.

Your own voice is thick. Your face throbs as your sinuses try to burst through your forehead like an overinflated balloon. “Sounds shitty when you say it out l-loud.”

It’s a douchebag thing to say. You think you’re aiming for humor? A real fucked up version of humor? Mother and the Pastor were right—there’s something really messed up in you.

“You truly…truly didn’t want me?” Astarion says. At first, you think you hurt his feelings. Not getting staked, not you fumbling to wrench that stake outta his ribs, not even you telling him you’d kill him. It seems the part that really gets him is the implication that he ain’t fuckable.

Then you manage to squint at him, and that ain’t hurt he’s wearing. He just seems…baffled.

So now you get to explain the wonders of human sexuality. Peachy.

Maybe you should’a just inhaled the dirt and ended this whole travesty.

“Don’t see people like that,” you say. “It ain’t n-nothing against you or anybody. I just…I gotta know somebody first. You’re pretty and all, but it d-don’t mean nothing to me. Pretty is like a sunset or a painting. It don’t travel down south or a-activate any of the hardware. I don’t know why. I don’t even know when or why it does switch, neither. J-just, outta nowhere, I’ll notice somebody. Y’know, like that.”

Like Rachel Olmstead and her tits.

“But not me,” he says. His face is still so, so goddamn blank. If he didn’t blink, he’d look like a dead man.

“I k-known you like a week. So no.”

He stares. Then that mask cracks. He snorts, and has to cover his mouth with a hand as laughter spills out around his fingers.

Oh hey, you got enough energy to muster up being offended. “What’s funny?”

He drops his hand and his smile is a weird, twisted thing. “Nothing, darling. Just…this. All of this, and here you are. After all this. None of my very considerable charms will work on you, will they?”

“I got roofied by a sex g-god and halfway turned him into pizza. And you practice them ‘charms’ where Shadowheart can overhear you practicing.”

He waves that off. “The cleric seems much more interested in the gith for me to bother, my dear.”

Wait, what?

He must see that in your face. Lets out an honest to god guffaw. “Oh, you really don’t catch on at all! You poor thing.”

“They tried to k-kill each other.”

“Yes. But they didn’t, and that sort of passion tends to turn itself inside out, darling. You just wait. They’ll be flopping about on top of each other before long.”

Well that certainly is a visual.

You try not to grimace—that scientific curiosity (does Lae’zel even have humanoid-compatible genitalia, or like, a cloaca) takes a backseat when it’s regarding somebody you know and have to look at while eating breakfast.

You both lapse into silence. Wonder if Gale’s noticed your bathroom break is taking way longer than it should.

“Why did you let me feed on you?” Astarion says. “And why kill the gur? Don’t get me wrong, darling, I appreciate a good murder here and there, but that was all a bit gruesome.”

He is a vampire. He got to bite people. Maybe got that wired into his brain as instinct. But you?

You still ain’t looking at that body. You don’t intend to. You’ll avoid that until y’all can put the man into a respectable grave, if at all possible. And maybe that’s another chicken-shit thing to do—you chewed his fucking throat out; the least you could do is bear witness. But you also read that seeing dead faces makes it more likely to eat up a person’s brain, and you already got a worm doing that.

You don’t want to carry that image around forever. Even if you absolutely deserve it.

“I don’t know,” you say.

Cause it’s a whole mess inside you. This is all so fucked up. Nothing makes sense no more, and all the rules you ever knew and followed done flew out the window. You’re splashing and kicking around, just trying to keep your face above water. Can’t put no attention to the shit brushing up against your legs down there in the depths.

But that answer makes his face go flat again. So you try again.

“You know how I got pissed w-when you wanted to torture that guy?” you say.

His eyes narrow. “I recall.”

“You ever think that same thing m-might apply to you? I might not like anybody g-getting hurt for no damn reason if I can avoid it?”

The sneer is a bit more delicate, this time. “So it’s charity.”

“Returning a favor.”

He frowns. You close your eyes a moment. Can’t track where your memories went when your minds crashed together. Aside from y’all’s half-naked forest encounter, you ain’t sure what he saw.

“I…was in a bad spot,” you say, glazing over a metric ton of shit. “I got out cause s-somebody helped me.”

“So you’ll swoop in to save me, now, will you?”

Since you can’t throttle him, you settle for, “I can’t even save myself here, let alone you or anybody. I can help you watch your own back, a-and try to support y’all. And part of that means not letting you go hungry, asshole. Ain’t nobody should go hungry.”

And he got a look to him. You know then, that he saw the root cellar. Or part of it.

“And what would you want in return for this generosity?” he says. His tone is way too light. It kicks off all kinds of alarms.

Your eyes are puffy, skin hot. The air stinks of blood and shit and vomit.

A friend. You wanted a friend. Thought you had one, too.

But you will not tell him that. Vulnerability ain’t your strong suite.

You’re being mostly honest with him. Truly honest. You wonder what it says about you that the first person you spill your guts to is a shithead vampire man. And maybe you been pushed too far for one night, or maybe (being honest with yourself) you still ain’t safe enough to go that far.

So you say, “How about an alliance? Not a sex o-one. But just…just a regular one. I watch your back, you w-watch mine? Let me know if Lae’zel is getting stab-happy in my direction?”

He tilts his head back to rest against the tree trunk. Looks at the sky through the canopy. He seems…softer, somehow. Then he looks to you again.

“Alright,” he says. “I can accept those terms.”

Goddamn, you’re tired. So tired your body feels a heartbeat away from sinking into the earth and becoming mulch. But that don’t stop you from saying, “Oh good. That was my last card to play.”

Y’all fall silent again. Something hard digs into your lower ribs but you can’t be fucked to try to move just yet.

Then Astarion makes a sound, and when did your eyes close? The man gives you a smile. Not even something smarmy. Just…a normal fucking smile, his eyes rounder than you ever knew they could be.

“You know,” he says. “We might be more alike than I originally thought.”

Well. That can have so many goddamn meanings. He might be stealth-bitching you. But something about the tone, about the look he fucking wears. You think there’s something there. Something under the surface, with a soft underbelly. And you can’t have that.

“That we’re both lying next to our own puke and can’t move?” you say.

Because you been way too exposed tonight. Too exposed for a comfortable lifetime. And if you kick enough sticks and leaves over that throbbing, open-to-the-air pit of vulnerability, maybe nobody else will notice it.

“I am rather stuck where I am, barring a healing potion or some blood. You?”

You lift your shaking arm as another spasm wrenches your fingers around like a cartoon character playing an invisible piano.

“So that’s a no,” he says. “Did no one see you leave?”

You been wondering that. If Gale tripped and fell into the fire. If he was just so tired he passed out on watch. Fuckers go on about security, yet here the two of you are, gone at least an hour, with no goddamn sign—

A shout echoes in the trees. Speak of the goddamn devil.

Astarion’s little sigh sounds as peeved as you feel.

“What timing,” he drawls.

“Fuckers couldn’t have shown up thirty minutes ago?”

A purple flare bursts like fireworks overhead.

“Over here,” Astarion calls pretty loud for a man with a hole in his fucking lungs. And then he starts to hack up one of them lungs, more blood burbling outta the corners of his mouth and you wince in sympathy.

Gale is the first to find you. His gaze skitters over Astarion—covered in blood—to Gandrel—clearly dead and covered in blood—before landing on you—twitching and covered in blood.

“Ah,” he says, all grimaces. “I suppose you’re not alright, then.”

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#feeding alligators fic #these two shitheads #astarion #astarion x tav #tavstarion #astarion x eleanor #plus size tav #demisexual tav #slow burn #the disclosure part of the disclosure arc #a motherforking confession!#they're both a hot mess okay?

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