#assuming im better by then. i cant write while uncomfortable :/

[thatgirlwithasquid]

*weary sigh* i am yet again falling into the depths of unpopular ship hell

[lucabyte]

hello

is this how your peopls work. i am obsessed with your comics and the panel layout and the way they react to eachother and sdgafkhgfdhsagfha s i very desperately need to have a grasp on how you see them in their dynamic and interacting and i feel like i don't know as much about how isabeau and loop be interacting but i am so so so so SO curious as to how that goes and how they feel about eachother pre-"i'm a former siffrin" and post-"ok you know who i am"

oh hell yeah a diagram we love a diagram

but yeah i'd say you've gotten my interpretation of the dynamic down pretty solid??

in general i think my instinct with loop-isabeau interactions is a lot tamer/calmer than others ive seen, my reasoning for why being hmm... i think i can note my core 'things im keeping in mind from the text' here

isabeau's line in act 6 remarking that loop seemed 'shy'. for all of loop's bravado @ siffrin (and thus the player's pov), they are still siffrin, so while it can be easy to percieve them as this loud bombastic personality-- there is this textual reminder that them acting this way is probably due in part to being up against siffrin, someone who won't speak unless spoken to (and thus loop takes the initiative, and is also presumably reveling a bit in making them uncomfortable and annoyed, inkeeping with their self-hatred and self-flaggellation) this to me reads as a reminder that they'd probably retreat into their shell hard when presented with other people- the party included. so even if i can see them trying to undermine their relationships with others, i think it's probably more on the insidious 'insulting siffrin to make the party protective of them' side, because that also feeds into 'proving' that the party only cares about one siffrin and that loop can be replaced. meanwhile isabeau has shown that, even with a vicious jealous streak, he can mostly keep a lid on it. he's the most emotionally intelligent of the group, and would probably be able to suss out loop's self-harm-via-getting-people-pissed-off-at-them gambit relatively simply given how obvious it is. also isabeau is not immune to insecurity-- and would probably let loop take some precidence over their relationship with siffrin because 'well i cant compete with the guy who actually went through All Of The Timeloop With Them.' because like... damn how are you supposed to do that. loop understands their pain better than isa ever could, and it would show in their fucked up unspoken understanding of each other (because how is Isa to know thats because theyre the same guy, and not just because the timeloop traumabonded the fuckers baddddly. which it also did.).

timeloop stressful as fuck. absolutely has both of them on tenterhooks the whole time. we visibly see how it affects siffrin (despondance & mania & aggression), and we see SAPfrin be very. very very despondant. so it would seem to me that loop is basically in a perpetual state of mania, given how sif's internal monologue begins to resemble their way of speaking (with the tee hees and such) when they are clearly broaching into manic states. one can assume that if you take loop out of the Torment Nexus, while they probably wouldn't faire well, all of the tension and pressure that's holding them up would collapse, likely putting them more depressive again by default? Of note, whenever i write loop's dialogue (which im told i do well? i will be honest i kind of feel like that's far too high praise.) i initially write it as very blunt and pissed off-- and will afterwards go back in and Maybe change wording to be more 'silly', but mostly i just add tildes~, italics, exclamation points and laughter to the pissed off dialogue without changing the actual content of it?

loop likes their friends! They are fucked up in the head about it (badly!!!) but they like their friends! They still care a lot, and can barely even hide it a little bit with their aloofness in game. it feels redundant to even try pointing out where they slip up because its everywhereee. They de-person their Actors because theyre the same lines over and over and over, but you see in SAP alone how any break from the script makes them overwhelmed with emotion, and how devastated they are if that deviation occurs a second time and becomes predictable (dying to the king after triggering the requisites for the true end, forcing you to go through it again). BUT!! You take their friends out of the timeloop and let them be New Unpredictable People again? I genuinely find it hard to believe mx siffrin "i love my friends so much id explode the world about it" nolastname would be able to see that and just go "nope im emotionally disconnected i can keep being a bitch to these guys forever". like no theyre gonna slip into being at least neutral no matter what. even if it's in a quiet depressive state when the mania wears off.

my biggest deviation from frequently observed fandom things here i think: i think loop doesn't actually believe that ISAT!Party are 'replacements'. they rarely if ever word a sentiment like this. this is something the fandom goes for because the horror of being replaced wholesale probably WOULD make it easier to cope if you considered those people to Not Be Your Real Friends. But loops WHOLE act 6 spiel? 'THEY WERE MINE FIRST. I LOVED THEM'? (paraphrased) they obviously desperately want to be with them again, and know they're the same people. The Fighter/Defender discrepancy clue is mostly metatext here-- since Loop never acknowledges the defender title-- just calling ISAT!Isa Fighter-- because they are the same guy. Your Fighter. They even call them Fighter in the "You got memory of X, your Fighter will now..." dialogues! Which are practically system dialogues! So. they see these isabeaus as the same. And while I would not put it past them to come up with the "they are different, my party is Dead" thing to Cope... I do think it is a delusion, plain and simple, and that I think any post-knowing-the-truth party would probably shut down weird rituals ive seen the fandom propose (often in a cute way??? it makes me feel insane?? like the concept of loop 'memorialising' their 'dead' family is not cute its nuts. they are being nuts. its like actively feeding into an extremely maladaptive coping mechanism. sorry this is like a massive sidebar but like. Yes i do think this is something loop might do if left unchecked. but it should not be presented as sane or rational? it outright undermines the themes of the game to treat the concept of 'Loop's party' being 'dead' as 'True'?? There's like several points in the game where Loop and Siffrin express that things that happened in the loops Still Happened even if the party dont recall it-- which is why their actions-- being cruel or doing 'experiments' still hold weight and can be Wrong. That it's tragic that the party will never remember but that their forgetting is NOT a pass to do whatever with no consequnce (experiment, bad touch, etc). It follows that by Nixing all of "loop's party", treating them as seperate, in some way implies loop's memories are Lesser and what they did "doesn't matter as much", which is antithetical on account of being contradictory to however you take the stated theme. PLUS... The game and Paratext are clear that there is One Timeline. SAP is in the same contiguous space as ISAT-- it is effectively just that on the loop between SAP and ISAT that we the audience dont see-- loop ate that star and when the loop restarted there were two of them. for all intents and purposes one can intuit that Loop 0 of isat and SAPfrin's first loop are legitimately identical from sif's POV, as Loop does not reveal themselves until Loop 1. BUT YEAH GIANT SIDEBAR OVER. THIS WHOLE READ OF THE TEXT INFORMS MY THOUGHTS RE: ISALOOP AND RELATED CONCEPTS VERY GREATLY)

jesus christ i wrote a lot in the above um. sorry. i dont know if its intelligable. uh. good luck?

im also on team 'orrery book and sif's thoughts about it belie a real deep-seated brainworm' re: their response to a Cautionary Tale About How You Will Inevitably Kill Your Double seemingly being "Nah, we'd be besties."... like. i do think it is. funny. and not particularly Unbased. Given how they are. For siffrin and loop to specifically be compelled by how they are the same guy. And i think that there's a lot to be mined from 'Both of them are convinced that the party knowing who loop is would fuck up everything badly, so they're going to great lengths to conseal this' played in tandem with '... they are like. very much explicitly doing things together that are directly related to a feeling of shared ownership over siffrin's body and form & the fact they are The Same Guy'. like it is a hysterical setup to me and i think is only added to when you have to put Isabeau in the middle of this polycule also. With the few exceptions of times ive drawn stuff specifically hinging on characters Knowing Who Loop Is (which is like. all bonnie-centric stuff so far? i think?), i take a lot of care to try and make their exchanges Vague as if they are worried about being overheard or saying something that's too much of a smoking gun. But also it's really god damn funny to think about how concerning some of those things could sound the vaguer you make them. Remember that above all i live and die by The Bit. (... as do they.) ie basically because im powered by The Bit thats why i focus more on the sloop side because its like. actively Funnier and more drama filled. or at least presents oppertunities for such. i feel like on isabeaus side here its kinda frequently like

yknow ? (oh god my formatting is broken now) . i DO very much think it can become like. niceys. of course. i think they can just be normal fucking throuple eventually (though if i'm going that goddamn far into the future u may as well partycule the fuckers 2 me. by the time theyve solved whatever the fuck you call pre-reveal isiloops i think odile has gotten involved at the very least. but this is why i mostly keep myself to the realm of 'the mostly immediate post-game conflict' stuff since i think all these characters leave off the end of the game with such solid springboards for arcs set up (clearly intentionally) that the infinite realm of possibilities opens up too wide for me to be comfortable with.) anyway i keep thinking about the tragicomedy of isabeau finally finding an "in" to nurture a friendly bond with loop by comisserating and steeling themselves for changing again even though it feels like a betrayal of their previous actions/beliefs and how fucking funny the idea of 'loop reveal but theyre like 2 weeks into using she/they' is. just like you get all the way through the horrors of 'oh jesus christ the timeloop was even worse than we thought it was' but now '.. d. do you still . what pronouns do you want?' is tacked onto the end. Sorry did you hear something . must've been the wind. anyway . this ask is a fucking mess i hope its readable like at all . can you tell ive been brainscramblied for six weeks

TL;DR:

yeaghj you got it. its not like im doing anything revolutionary im just trying to stick as close as i can do what i percieve the characterisation is in canon & thus generally dont tie down any of my fanwork to specific post-canon-plot-concepts. its all just nebulous extrapolation set 'pretty close to the end of the game because i think these characters are going to grow and change extremely rapidly once the game is over given how they're all intentionally poised for character arcs when the game ends'. but also you should put isabeau in the worst social bind of all time with two of the most mentally unwell BPD OCD havers youve ever seen and let him try to figure out the balance of 'be gentle' and 'treat them like the almost-30-year-old adult they literally are' while he also balances his own set of entire life changes it'll be fine he'll be fine (someone should probably check on him)

[funeralpartyclown]

dale has got to have insane kinks…… like this man is going to want to have cameras on you and shove random shit up you and make you say weird stuff to him . I LOVE HIM I CANT

SO TRUE…

Sorry if this is too much for you guys im just writing anything I think of 😭 pls lmk if it gets to be too much,,

I think he would be into a lot of worse stuff. Blood, knife play, bondage (unsafe probably) corruption, marking you up, age gaps (LEGALLY. Not that kinda freaky)

Cameras for sure, he’d love that. Pull your hair and force you to look right at it while he rams into you from behind. The way it makes it feel so much dirtier, his own personal pornstar. He’d watch them over CONSTANTLY and make you watch too while whispering filthy things into your ear.

Random stuff in you, I can see that. I imagine him having very few limits,, as much as I do love him. You cannot look at a picture of him and go yeah that’s a regular guy. He is into anything and everything fucked up and weird. If you’d let him do that he’d abuse the opportunity and just see what he can fit up there for fun and you’re probably ending up injured or with an infection to be honest..

Making you say weird stuff,, I can see too but it would probably be realll fucked up with him. He knows exactly how to make you uncomfortable and what gets you flustered and hes forcing you to repeat the nastiest things he can think of just to watch your face flush in red, stumbling with your words.

I think he’d really enjoy wax play too and he had plenty of candles. Idk if this is true because I wasn’t paying attention to it but I’ve seen people say the gun Lee has at the end of the movie isn’t hers, and was probably dales. Gun play…. With Dale… cold metal being slowly dragged across your skin. Loaded pressed to your temple safety off. Fucking you with the barrel, finger on the trigger, better sit still for him.

Size difference for sure, which is great for him because hes huge. The one shot of him and Lee from the side in the interrogation room where hes slouching and his legs are bent but hes still SO much larger than her? I need him to lay on top of me and suffocate me.

I think he’d enjoy making his partner cry (only during anything sexual) just watching you squirm and beg incoherently with tears running down your face, listening to your voice crack.

Marking up for sure, especially if afterwards he can make up an excuse to drag you out in public and show it off. In most longlegs fanfics it takes place in a small middle of nowhere town, he’d love risking your friends and family having to see you not only with him but covered in a painting of bruises and indents. No shame no restraint no respect for others comfort or social norms. He’s being awful in public, and with most of the fandom from what I’ve seen being like early 20s-30s the age gap would be VERY visible.

One sweeter thing I think he’d especially enjoy, have you in top for specific reasons. He’d be used to the treatment he gets from most people by now and have a hard time believing you actually want him, he needs a lot of reassurance. Esp if you initiate things, having you on top would have him in tears. Facing him, nails digging into his clothes, hot breath on his neck, repeatedly making the effort to bring him closer to you. Every sweet second you spend moving on top of him is just more confirmation to him that you want and need him.

Non-sexual but, I think he’d really like to do things for you as well. Having you need him, reaching things off a shelf, opening containers, lifting something heavy.

Bdsm, bondage, whips, paddles, restraints, all of it anything you ask hes okay with trying. If you’re really vanilla, good luck I don’t see him being able to adhere to that. If you reciprocate his feelings it will take very little time for him to feel serious about your relationship and he looks at you almost like his property, though that extends both ways. He’s just assuming you’re okay with whatever he wants, because he’d do the same for you. I think at first he’d ask if you’re okay with it before trying something but eventually he just does what he wants and waits for your reaction.

[violentviolette]

Thanks for the tip on not using buzzwords! I honestly suck at trying to explain everything because sometimes I feel like my competence in some areas of my brain makes me feel like I’m somehow lying because I know too much lmfao. Im in a weird contradictory bit where I appreciate straight shooter types, give it to me as it is, don’t sugar coat things cause then I’ll feel patronized to but then I get mad if they don’t sugar coat things because I have issues with overly blunt authority figures not taking my feelings seriously. lol. Anyways. Thanks again for the advice.

np! and honestly same but i think that uncomfortable anger is actually good. i was the same way when i first started out, but acknowleging that helped me to learn to work through it and get better at hearing when i was wrong. cause that knee jerk defensiveness is a really really hard barrier to break through, and obviously every is different so ur miliage may vary but for me the only way to overcome that was just through exposure. hearing someone tell me i was wrong over and over again while also not punishing me or devaluing me for it but using as an open door to allow me to grow helped so much. it can also help to just be completely honest and acknowlege that in the sessions. things like "being challanged makes me immediately react with anger, i want to overcome that but its hard not to get activated when someone immediately disagrees with me" a lot of times this will help them be able to make sure they're ready for the anger and pushback and can be prepared to talk u through it and make sure ur feeling heard and seen and encouraged even while being challenged. i think a lot of people assume they cant tell their therapists when they have negative feelings about what they say, but its very much the opposite! tell them when ur feeling activated, tell them "oh that brought up this emotion for me" or "im having a difficult time accepting that" or even "that pisses me off to hear" like those are all good bits of information for ur therapist to have to be able to help u but u do gotta find the right person who u vibe with for it to really work tho so it is def a process. i find trying to find people i clicked with so that i really respected them helped a lot, for me thats usually people we were close in age to me, if only a little bit older. that way i wasnt looking at them so much as these out of touch authority figures but more as peers, which for me made it easier to take them seriously without just writing them off as not listening to me

[meowzfordayz]

hi! i would really love to send an emergency request. my brother has been being horrible to me again-- i dont know how comfortable you are with ranting though so ill just say he said something really horrible about my depression diagnosis and i keep thinking about it. if you can, (and i totally understand if you cant!! i know this character isnt written about often, so he might be difficult to write for. u do so much for so many people so dont feel bad at all if you ignore this or put it off for a while <3 ) i would really appreciate anything platonic relating to rui :,) i dont know if its weird, but i find a lot of rui's emotions with family sort of similar to mine. whenever i think about him, it helps me sort through my own stuff. i dont know if that made sense either, but im trying to say i would love if you can write about the reader being a big sibling reader to rui / comforting him, but idm if you do somwthing else too. thank u sm for reading this too, i again understand if you dont want to write this

have a really great day <3

Heyo darling. 💗 I'm as comfortable as you are: in other words, rant as much or as little as you need (feel free to do so in my DMs, if that feels safer for you?). I hope my interpretation of your request fits your vision/helps you sort through your own stuff — even if just the tiniest bit. ☺️

Author’s Note: my neck hurts. That is all. 😆

we’ll be okay!

Rui x Reader

Word Count: ~1,000

CW: familial, traumatic references

~faqs~

“Rui?” you knock tentatively on his door, your ear pressed against its wooden frame, eyebrows furrowed at the faint sound of muffled sniffling.

“I’m f-fine,” a low snarl responds.

“May I come in?”

“No.”

“Please?” you persist, knowing he usually takes a couple nudges.

You’re met with silence, albeit, not uncomfortably so. This routine is as disappointing as it is familiar — as heart aching as it is heart bonding. Disappointment, not in him, but in the circumstances people fracturing, jabbing, dissolving his weary innocence; familiar in its consistency and relentlessness. Heart aching as you acknowledge your own distance, unable to pry the root from its poisoned soil; heart bonding as you still try to dig just a little deeper, just a little closer, just a little harder, every time the routine resets, replays, continues.

“I said no,” he grunts, even as he unlocks his door, footsteps retreating quickly back to—you assume—his bed, letting you decide whether to enter or flee.

You enter, of course. You always enter.

Regardless of how steadily you brace yourself, you’re never fully prepared for the sight of his sickly, dour form haunched and moping; his patchwork, handwoven quilt draped loosely over his thin shoulders. You understand he wishes he could be anywhere but here, motionless beneath the quiet weight of lingering expectation — of all consuming failure. You also understand he doesn’t know how. Doesn’t know how to grapple with his self proclaimed burden; doesn’t know how to break the surface of his distorted perception of self worth and self respect; doesn’t know how to be anywhere else. He amazes you, truly. Your younger, softer, guarded brother. Your Rui. How incredibly cruel and powerful, mesmerizing and devastating, that he has to feel such controlled anger — such rigid turmoil.

“May I sit?” you shuffle toward his bed.

“Whatever.”

His sole method of invitation, really, so — you sit: wordlessly turning on his bedside lamp, tucking his quilt under his cold toes, making a mental note to bring his dirty dishes to the kitchen when you leave. His gaze follows your movements. Judgemental. Grateful.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you finally murmur.

Typically, his answer is another No, but you ask nonetheless. Just in case he ever says Yes.

“They got mad at me.”

You blink away your shock. He’s rarely so forthcoming.

“I just wanted to help.”

Ah.

“I know I’m frail.”

You know better than to explicitly point out his glistening eyes, opting to hold out your arm—your sleeve—to him instead.

“But I- I want to be strong.”

His voice wavers as he accepts your sympathy, patting at his tears, dampening your shirt.

“How can I be strong when I’m forced to do nothing?” he scowls, “If practice makes perfect, then I want to practice. I want to-” he bites at his tongue, barely restraining a strangled sob, “I want them to see me. Not just who they wish I was, but who I am.”

“I see you, Rui,” you whisper.

Because you know that They do see you isn’t what he needs to hear. Perhaps when he’s more lucid. Calm. Unrattled. But certainly not now. Not when you can sense the freshness of his despair, the relapse of his doubt and deprecation. It’s difficult, being his older sibling, because remaining impartial without alienating him is… a fragile, fickle task. You’re conscious of his pain, his frustration, and are loathe to invalidate or dismiss him. And yet, your parents’ approach resonates with you as well. Rui is frail. Undeniably frail. Especially as you observe his trembling, hawkish stare. So frantic to be tough. So impatient. So bright. How do you encourage his resilience without physically overexerting or endangering him? How do you guide his earnest determination without accidentally extinguishing it?

“I know you do,” he grumbles, “That’s why I’m yours. You listen.”

His trust, his claim, in you warms you. Chills you. Reminds you of your responsibility as the eldest. To protect and nurture the youngest — to inspire and relinquish him. You advocate for him. Suggest allowing him to shadow you as you do your chores; run errands; go out with smaller groups of friends. But your parents are reluctant, afraid, of worst-case-scenario consequences.

“So you’re going to coddle him until he dies miserably and alone and safe?” you’d asked them during a particularly heated conversation.

That night, Rui’d been the one to knock on your door, unaware of why you were muttering—loudly—to yourself. Unaware of how pissed off, how terrified, you were for his future. Crawling into bed beside you, wrapping his fatigued hands around your tensed fingers.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be okay!” he’d declared, splintering your heart further.

You were supposed to reassure him. You were supposed to be the older, wiser, grounded, sibling.

“Thank you Rui,” you’d mumbled sheepishly, kissing his forehead.

“I’m sleeping here,” he’d nodded firmly.

And who were you to deny your younger brother? You’d fallen asleep with his cheek on your chest, forgetting to brush your teeth or change into your pajamas, cherishing the brief reprieve from the incessant reality of Rui’s health.

“Are you hungry? How about we wash your dishes, cook something for dinner, and I’ll sleep here tonight?”

Dim excitement stirs in his expression, his tone almost childish—almost normal, because damn it He is a child—as he smiles hesitantly.

“But what if-”

“I’m sure they won’t mind. We’ll be home after all.”

Rui’s smile stretches to a grin, bitterness shoved aside at the prospect of feeling wanted. Of getting to be strong.

“Love you, [y/n].”

“I love you too, Rui,” you ruffle his hair, chuckling at its tangled strands.

His mouth opens, closes, opens again. You’re patient. Unhurried as you stack his dishes. Fond as you wait for his gentle affection.

“Thank you. You’re the best older sibling.”

“I’m the only older sibling,” you retort playfully.

“Whatever.”

Truthfully, you love when he rolls his eyes at you — when he permits himself to just… be your younger brother. To be young. To be Rui.

[opalesense]

hello i just read your rules and iii am a minor so it does apply to me. i don’t understand what mental consequences would happen in the future though. i mean this genuinely, im not trying to be snarky or anything but ive seen a few blogs saying the same thing but i cant think of what may emerge in the future due to being exposed to nsfw things? also i wont look at your blog again (after today bc i wanna see if you reply) since you say it makes you uncomfy,,, sorry for writing so much!!(⊃ °Д°)⊃≡ﾟ ﾟ

i’m so sorry this is a late response!! i was on hiatus for a while and only saw this just now (;__; )

there’s no cookie cutter answer to this so i just wanted to first say that my answer to this is based off of personal experience so i might be oversharing a bit, but i feel like this is the only way to get my point across without sounding too blunt ^^”

i was exposed to porn at around 8 years old because i had free, unrestricted access to the internet and i saw a lot of things that i really should not have at that age. a lot of it was fanfiction. if 8 year old me saw what i was writing now, they would eat that shit up.

it might be obvious to most people my age that kids that young shouldn’t interact with nsfw things but at 8 years old, it was not obvious at all. at 8 i was very unaware of how any nsfw would impact me as an adult. i just didn’t know any better and no one taught me that it was “wrong” (at the time, nsfw and sexual jokes were way more normalized and unrestricted on the internet than it is nowadays) so i naturally assumed it was normal growing up

fast forward to now, i recently turned 20. a few problems i noticed in myself that i can probably correlate to being exposed to nsfw as a minor include being extremely hypersexual as a kid to the point where some really bad things happened to me and i passed it off as “kinks,” making friends uncomfortable with how hypersexual i was being, and not being able to enjoy my childhood at all because i matured way too early in general. i should’ve been hanging out with my friends or focusing on healthier hobbies, not staying cooped up in my room reading x reader smut at the age of 15

there is plenty of time ahead of you if you’re a minor to engage with nsfw things, i promise! i know it feels weird to hold back especially if you are like me where my hormones are SUPER out of control, but it’s better to set a standard for yourself and enjoy your childhood for as long as you can. i think it’s kind of?? okay to indulge once in a while, but make sure you set limits for yourself. porn/nsfw addiction is a major problem among minors and it’s all due to unrestricted internet access, and it breaks my heart that so many kids don’t understand how it’s a problem until it’s too late </3

tl;dr - being exposed to nsfw as a minor while your brain is still developing can be traumatic without you even knowing it. i don’t want kids to go through the same experience i did so i urge any minors to see the bigger picture and look out for yourself by setting these boundaries first. your older self will thank you :)

also, i appreciate you asking this in the first place! this is a topic i love to talk about because it’s a very serious and real issue that doesn’t have an easy solution. all i can say now is that even if you don’t want to stop interacting (because i can’t force you to) i’m still glad you’re willing to listen to what i have to say in the first place ^__^

[headofhelios]

Ok I am a single follower but I like hannibal tv but would enjoy ur movie thoughts I like some of the books too and have been meaning to get around to the movies 😳😳

OKAY I'M EDITING A READMORE ONTO THIS LOL I REALIZED THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO! so now my incredibly waaayyy too long answer abt my thoughts on 2002 will is under there. apologies bc this is less "movie thoughts" and more "2002 movie will thoughts" but well thats how the chips fell

GOD okay sooo for the record i am reading the red dragon book and am like 7 or 8 chapters in and full transparency im not like. enjoying it lol. the book pisses me off with its misogyny (all the women in it are either dead or it feels like you're supposed to think theyre Selfish Bitches or theyre just there for like. bizarre and uncomfortable sexual moments like the guys talking abt that woman in the elevator, or that one part of mrs. leeds diary which is like. i guess could be there to Show Her Humanity or whatever but 1. there are more ways to do that 2. the book doesnt seem particularly concerned with her humanity considering she's barely even given a first name and so far the novel hasnt seemed to disapprove of how will thinks of her as a possession of her husband) and its inconsistency with will's most important character trait or whatever (he's so intensely, extremely empathetic towards EVERYONE, even serial killers, which makes him really good at finding them! and he can never turn this off, to the point where every time he has a conversation with someone, he ends up mimicking the way they talk, even if he tries to stop! but also he never empathizes with the victims or HIS OWN FUCKING WIFE? HELLO? so it really feels less like "extremely strong empathy for everyone that he cant control" and more like "he can empathize with serial killers extremely well and also other people if we want to Make A Point in one scene instead of letting the point show through the whole book") BUT UHHH ANYWAY. MOVIE THOUGHTS. THE MOVIE THOUGHTS YOU ASKED FOR COMING RIGHT UP!

okay this is what i am worried will either 1. draw annoying tv will graham stans to my blog like flies or 2. end with me being hanged in the town square BUT. it must be said. i prefer 2002 red dragon will graham to tv will graham. and quite frankly? so far? i think 2002 red dragon will graham is better than book will graham. i cannot lie.

my reasoning: because 2002 will actually empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss! y'know! like you'd assume someone with constant extreme empathy would! the difference between the first scene with molly in the book vs in the movie are SO striking to me now that i've read that part of the novel. in the novel he seems very... rough, i guess, and like he doesnt care about molly's worries. he doesnt seem to see things from her perspective, which especially feels like a kick to the gut because MOLLY! SEES! THINGS! FROM! HIS! PERSPECTIVE!!! she literally empathizes with him more than he does with her! what the fuck! MEANWHILE in the movie, he does seem to care about her. his assurances that he wont get too involved seem like assurances rather than him trying to get her off his back. he hugs her and tells her he loves her and i actually believe that yeah, he loves her, he knows she's worried about him, and he wants to comfort her and ease her worries. and the victims! AGAIN such a stark difference to me! in the book, will is like... uncomfortable empathizing w the red dragon, of course, but he doesnt seem to empathize with the victims all that much, ESPECIALLY not the women. he doesnt care about them. he sees them as possessions belonging to their husbands and its so fucking gross. despite already suspecting that the red dragon chooses families based on the women, he decides to waste time focusing on the husbands as a way of "asking permission to look at [their wives]." what the fuck? meanwhile in the film, he feels for the victims so much that he can barely even say that the kids were shot in bed! when he watches the tapes, he focuses on the women! because that's his fucking job!!! and we see him empathizing with them! wow!!

siiigh okay im gonna stop talking abt the book vs the movie now bc again im only like 8 chapters or so deep. but now we come to tv will vs. 2002 will, which is admittedly gonna be more subjective and part of that it bc i cant remember a whole lot of specifics from the show bc my memory is Very Bad. but anyway

let's get the shallow stuff out of the way. yes i prefer ed norton's face to hugh dancy's. call hugh dancy "gender" or whatever have your fun i support you and your right to call any blood covered man a gender but by god is that not even REMOTELY my experience. next shallow thing to get out of the way: ed norton's line delivery is like music to my FUCKING ears compared to hugh dancy's i am so sorry. like the jokes about will shaking like a damp chihuahua before taking 5 minutes to stutter out "he's killing them....... On Purpose, jack." are funny and all but christ i had SUCH a hard time watching the show bc of that im not lying. literally hearing 2002 will just say "he's not keeping them. he's eating them." nice and quick, matter of factly is better than well im actually gonna end that sentence there but you get the idea. like YESSS you little blonde bitch get to the point i love you!!!

OKAY NOW less shallow points but also less uhh idk man i just dont remember a lot of hannibal. but basically: after seeing how caring 2002 will is, i'm kind of... idk i'm just so over tv will and how abrasive and harsh he is in comparison. like i fell in LOVE with how vulnerable 2002 will is, how he feels like he cares deeply about the people around him (and honestly... idk i cant remember a moment in the hannibal tv series that made me feel the way i felt when 2002 will can't say "the kids were shot in their beds". it's like... yeah this is a guy who feels so deeply for everyone around him at all times. i believe that.) and i just dont remember getting that same feeling from tv will. i have been gently spoon fed the most excellent chocolate pudding and everything else in my memory is just a snack pack. i guess tv will has those moments (what comes to mind is when he brings gideon to hannibal's house and is crying and he says "please dont lie to me") but idk they just didnt really do for me what 2002 will does. and then their scenes with reba! wow! i rewatched the tv version after watching red dragon, bc the film version made me tear up, meanwhile the tv version i barely remembered and i wasnt sure if that was just bc of the different mindsets i was in while watching them or what. and ok i just rewatched the tv version again and like... yeah. it's the wills lol. i LOVEEE tv reba SO much she is giving everything in that scene!! she sounds so like... broken, both bc of dolarhyde's apparent suicide and bc of finding out who he was + what he was doing, she sounds so fragile and guilt ridden! she's amazing!! but will. idk. tv will's delivery just seems... idk this feels dumb to say but it sounds like writing. i admittedly LOVE the line "people who study this kind of thing say that he was trying to stop because you helped him." and his delivery there is good. but between tv "you didnt draw a freak, you drew a man w a freak on his back" and the 2002 version, the 2002 delivery seems more genuine while the tv delivery sounds rehearsed. idk overall the 2002 version of that conversation just makes me feel more? its like. idk i can feel the 2002 version gently holding my heart while the tv version is a scene that is nice in h/nnigram gifsets or w/e.

umm ok this is already suuuper long and my brain is getting a bit mushy so i'm gonna start wrapping it up lol. i'll probably compare book will and 2002 will again after i finish the book, and then i miiight rewatch hannibal, or at least parts of s3. but right now my thoughts are basically: book will is a fucking dick who has an easier time empathizing with serial killers than with his wife. tv will is a nothing girl after being so completely catered to + also idk he doesnt have the same fragility that i want from my wills now. and 2002 will is my little caramel apple. he has this delightful vulnerability and feels like he cares so much and empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss and 4 people in a diner for one scene! 2002 will made me care about will graham! which is honestly kind of a feat!

[day-time-dream]

ok so im posting this conversation transcript so ill ((hopefully)) be able to find it later and also yall should read the wild stuff @nocturnal-and-chaotic and i came up with while discussing HNOC a while ago

CHEL-i like to think that literally the only reason brian bothered to give any prophecies was that he was trying to keep mordred from getting him stuck in the sun

NOCT-yes

but also he tries to be a good person

CHEL-which comes with the lovely mental image of every time mordred passes the hanged man hes like ‘is that prophetic statue.....glaring at me?’

NOCT-gorgeous

wanna hear my latest mechs hot take

CHEL-sure

NOCT-the hanged man rusts is just brian rolling 2 nat 1's and a nat 20 on a charisma check

CHEL- noice

also he was stuck on means justify ends that whole time and thats why he couldnt just get down

it would have been rude

NOCT- oh my god youre so right

or maybe he wasn't actually hanged, he just got himself stuck and everyone sort of assumed he had been hanged and he was to embarrassed to say anything

CHEL-thank you. im very into your idea that brian just fucked up and got himself stuck

and then people started using ‘the hanged man’ as a cautionary tale and he couldnt just get down!! that would be a bad example!!

NOCT-no no, he's physically incapable of getting down, and it would be rude to ask for help

the real reason it takes the crew so long to fish him out of the sun is that they keep picturing his face when he got stuck and then they start laughing again

CHEL-i cant tell if i better like the idea that brian was there alone and wrote/told the others about hnoc or if the others were there and thought it was the funniest fucking thing he’d ever done

NOCT-every single one of the mechanisms would have laughed directly in brians face

CHEL-i think thats where the angst or comedy branches off

oh absolutely

jonny comes by once a week to ask someone in town to ‘explain what this metal man thing is. why is it up there? what does it do?’ and brian is hanging there like, if it were not for the laws of this land and also the fact that i am stuck up here and also my morality being on mje i would slaughter you

NOCT-ivy walks past after jonny, commenting about how foolish the hangman must have been to tie such easily escapable knots

although i like to think they all left when they saw which way the wind was blowing, and just,,. forgot brian?? and then when they realized, the series of fuck ups were just too funny and they laughed at brain for a couple decades before picking him up

CHEL-*the mechs, drifting through space, having a grand old time*

tim: hey lets go to -random planet-

*three days later*

tim: why are we not on the planet yet

ashes: idk ask brian

tim: brians not here

mechs:..........

jonny: FUCK we forgot brian

NOCT-screeching

CHEL-the reason it took them so long to get back is no one else can fucking fly the aurora

NOCT-nastya and aurora were on a break

CHEL-yea nastya could ask her to take them there but it takes a Lot of persuasion and its very uncomfortable for everyone else

NOCT-eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

CHEL- -marius

NOCT- -jonny

i mean its definitely both

CHEL-brian gets back on board and no one will look at each other and hes like ‘i hope you all fucking learned your lessons i am the most important fucking crewmember on this ship’

NOCT-no, he assumes everyone was drunk and forgot but had no other problems, and everyone makes a silent agreement to never tell him the truth

CHEL-no i think ive gone from ‘brian was just Too Nice to come down from the gallows and the other mechs thought this was hilarious’ to ‘brian purposefully got himself stuck in a sun for a thousand years so the others would start giving him some goddamn Respect’ and i like this

NOCT-ok i'm on board with the exception that everyone else THINKS my version is what happened but in reality they all got played

CHEL-oh yes absolutely

NOCT-raphealla*** writes lost in the cosmos because she feels bad

CHEL-vksjebksjfna WHAT

NOCT-i cant spell

help please

CHEL-its raphaella i think

but i was thinking about that conversation

NOCT-idk i just thought raphaella would want to apologize without admitting they forgot brian so she goes,

you know what shows we care? a backstory song!

CHEL-brian: yea you all left me in a sun huh?

raph: yes and while you were gone i wrote you a song for us to perform together

brian: cool!

*after listening*

brian: its...,very beautiful......and well written?

raph: do you not like it? its kinda an apology.....

brian: as an apology for you all leaving me alone in space you wrote me a song-

raph: yes!

brian: -about my agonizing death alone in space?

raph: ....ah

NOCT-raph, scribbling in a notebook: reminding people of trauma is not a good way to handle lesser trauma. got it

jonny, reading over her shoulder: i just thought of a great way to bother tim!

CHEL-and thats how gunpowder tim vs the moon kaiser was written

NOCT-canon

[herrashmoo]

secondly, im not a tumblr teen. ive been on this website for god knows how long and ive been well versed in queer history. me calling them a pedophile, after a conversation with them resulted in them refusing to admit sexual imagery is not for children, them calling me a bootlicker and several other names, before getting wildly upset and blocking me, had nothing to do with their sexuality and everything to do with the fact that they couldnt tell me sexual imagery is not a thing for minors to consume period end of story. this is AFTER the fact i had been a bit more educated about pride and had ALREADY agreed where i went wrong. now about the sanitization of pride- thats wrong as well. dont get me wrong. but you cant seriously look me in the face and tell me that sexual imagery is not for minors. like- just that statement alone, right? so how is this such a controversy?

ugh okay I guess I’m gonna write A Thing. I’ll get into a proper response to your final questions but first, let’s do some context work.

first thing to make clear is that I know Jux irl, and I also want to make it pretty clear that they and I have pretty similar opinions here, I’m just slightly more likely to put my anger aside to reply to stuff. Do not get it twisted, rhetoric like the kind you were/are using is like, a big red flag for me, it’s the kind of shit reactionaries have been using for eons and like, were I in a less chill mood, I would’ve also likely written you off as a bootlicker troll. Their response was pretty aggressive but not completely misplaced, so I just want to make it clear that like, as another queer dude who is tired of seeing this shit every fucking May for the better part of a decade, I’m also exhausted and pissed off.

As for my claim of teenagerdom, I apologize if that offended, but you have to understand that, generally speaking, the loudest groups having this conversation on the regular are (1) right-wing reactionaries, TERFs, and their ilk trying to stir shit up (see: Operation Pridefall) and (2) young people who don’t have any context for Pride, often haven’t been, and only really have queer politic and history from tumblr and twitter threads featuring reactionary revisionism from the first group. When I see people engage in this conversation, I generally assume they’re in the latter group, as it helps me try to frame my responses in the best faith I can given how tired I am of this shit.

But that aside, sure. Kink isn’t for children. But provided there’s a parent accompanying this hypothetical child at Pride, their job is to explain and provide context for the things they can, and give a solid “you’ll learn more when you’re older” for the things they can’t. The Village People are all each in different kink gear, and as a kid I was told “they like to dress up, and there’s some costumes specifically for adults,” and I was good. I saw bare titties at festivals, smelled weed at concerts, saw bulge at the beach — these are normal human things that happen in the world, and having a responsible adult nearby to explain or provide context for them made them non-issues for me. I don’t think a kid seeing a pup hood is thinking anything more than “oh cool, that dude is dressed up as a dog.” Kids understand fantasy and make-believe. And especially as they age into their teenage years, withholding or sheltering them from knowledge about sex and sexuality can do real damage — hell, we’ve been having that conversation for over a century at least.

(Spring’s Awakening was first published in 1891 and was deeply censored in productions for the better part of a century, due to the content of the work, which is about how sheltering young teens (both straight and queer) from sexual content (and also mental health resources) leads them to try to figure shit out on their own and make catastrophic decisions that they don’t understand the consequences of until it’s too late. Great play, pretty great musical adaptation, wild that we keep rehashing its points like clockwork over a century after publication.)

But I am also of the opinion that Pride isn’t for children, as, while two decades of assimilationist politic would desperately try to argue otherwise, I am queer because I am sexually attracted to, and have sex with, other men. Pride is a response to the criminalization of queer sex acts, and so it is, in turn, a celebration of queer sex acts. So if someone wants to walk around in chaps and a jock, great! If someone wants to wear their pup gear or a harness or a rope tie or a vest, fuck yeah! It’s a space specially carved out for celebrating the queer experience — the original Pride flag (before it was simplified to make it easier to mass produce for profit, which, again, love seeing our culture made into product) had a pink stripe at the very top, specifically representing sexuality. It is, ostensibly, the thing that defines our community (at least the L G and B parts of it) as an outgroup against the mainstream society.

I think that, if you are uncomfortable with kink displays, or you’re uncomfortable with children seeing kink displays, then Pride is not for you or your children! Don’t go! There’s kid-friendly and sanitized versions of Pride in most major cities, do some research into your local/state Stonewall organizations and you can find more about them. But I’m already sick of having actual cops at Pride, I don’t need people who are uncomfortable with displays of sexuality also policing myself or any other queer person in a space they have spent decades carving out for themselves.

A final note — if you don’t understand why a queer person would blow up and completely write off your bullshit after calling them a pedophile, I urge you to do more reading, more listening. I know that in this brave new world of same-sex marriage equality and PrEP access that it’s hard to remember the collective trauma that the community has experienced, but this shit is inflammatory, you’re straight up spewing fightin’ words. The dude wearing a leather harness at Pride isn’t trying to corrupt any youth or fuck any kids, they’re just trying to live their shit, and I’m sorry that you and so many others have somehow decided that that’s an attack on a demographic of people who aren’t the audience for a celebration of sexuality. We’re not fucking pedophiles, and this “think about the kids” nonsense is some Reagan-era bullshit.

[a-trying-writer]

cap stuff, because i want some happy juice that im happy to make for myself.

as i often wrote before, cap loves to pet kosch, but she also loves physical attention herself. no one knows why, not even herself, but she enjoys it. sometimes she purrs or sighs and/or sleeps on the person petting her. racter does this often to get her to stop having anxiety for a time, much to duncans chagrin.

cap is definitely a big eater, but she doesnt have an iron stomach like gobbet. still, the two do challenge each other over meals, and sometimes tries to pick each others meals, like uneaten fries or wings. more often than not, this leaves to a utensil fight, from chopsticks to forks and spoons. more often than not, no one wins, because they had spilled their meals.

cap enjoys challenging is0 in the matrix, even tho she knows that is0 is a master compared to her. she is kinda envious that is0 has huge servers in her room to do whatever she can, while cap has to rely on outdated software that she does try to tune up, despite the risks of it breaking. cap’s computer is also just a brick, but its still p useful. is0 doesnt mind helping her update it, tho some of the pieces dont fit the casing of the computer, so they have to do some further digging.

cap sucks at writing haikus, but she enjoys listening to gaichu recite them and japanese poems and books. tho she doesnt speak the language, she learns about some phrases and how they are valued in his culture. on a different note, being aware that he needs to eat people to sustain himself, she does feel very uncomfortable by it, due to her childhood trauma as the game states for seattle, which applies to her, but she does sometimes help hunt down the worst kind of people for him. otherwise, she minds her own business and stays away from that.

being siblings, cap and duncan are p cool with each other, sometimes getting into fist fights to practice, tho she is much smaller and lighter than him, ofc. he still helps her get better, even if she cant get the hang of it properly, buts its only for her to be safe than sorry. they also watch trideo programs together when they are bored, and joke around about it. esp around action flicks and dramas. (cap hates dramas funny enough, so she only watches them with duncan.)

cap enjoys hanging around heoi, to talk to some of the residents, or party in club 88. she is an awful dancer and singer, but its a blast. she also helps reliable matt with his drones by fixing them, thanks to racter teaching her. and while she doesnt approve of him using a chip to keep up a facade, she lets it be as long as it doesnt cause any harm. she also jokes around by calling him “beautiful” in return for all the times he said it to her.

since she is a decker much like is0, cap spends time around max law to scan through his wares, while bantering with him. she tends to forget he is a lot older than she thinks, so she tends to treat him like a younger brother or kid, before remembering that lil fact. they also talk about the journey to the west novels, and various adaptions, like video games, because of his boat that is referenced to the monkey king.

cap is p chill with ka fai family, and as i said before, enjoys partying in the club. tho, sometimes, if she becomes too rowdy, henry picks her up and drags her out where duncan waits for her to bring her back to the dowager empress. duncan is never surprised, but is often disappointed.

on a funny note, cap is frightened by both kindly and bao, so she never dares to enter the mahjong palor. the same could be said with crafty xu, but for a different reason. she adores xu, but the smell of sage gives her migraines and reminds her of her time in prison. otherwise, she does like to take a sneak peek at some of the books xu sends to her, and often talks about gobbet’s particular ways of cooking.

cap finds ambrose the most mysterious, given that what he says about himself, may or may not be entirely true. but at least he helps her and the crew a lot by supplying them with medicine. ofc, since she is sometimes up to shenanigans that leaves her with a few injuries, he is the one she always goes to, or has to go to, no matter how much she tries to assure the crew that she is all right. esp when she gets sick.

on a side note, tho it isnt canon to the game, but in my stories, cap often speaks to lucky strike, because of their relations to racter, and cap’s own past. there are some things lucky keeps secret, esp about bleak, caps old friend that went missing, if not had passed. its also hard for cap to hide that she finds lucky very attractive, but she believes its because some of her mannerisms reminds her of racter. thing is, she always has been attractive to the dangerous ones, much like how she was attracted to some of her exes in the past.

least to say, cap never really had a healthy relationship. but it is what it is, living the kind of life she has.

there are some things about lucky and cap that i might explore in the future, as i feel there is a lot of potential there, esp given her attitude in srd. but i need more dialogue refs of lucky to capture her character for them. im not too big of a fan to get back into srd, but ill be glad to do it for those refs, and other things, so i can get a better idea on how to write her. but this is a huge if.

[maybe ill write some rac/cap/lucky bits, because im starting to ship lucky and ract, but i deeply loathe the love triangle trope. and i never like the idea of cheating relationships, plus, ract did say that leaving their old crew made lucky hate his guts to the point that she was howling for blood. im not one to write unhealthy relationships unless there is a point to it. i also keep thinking its canon for some reason, but racter cant connect with someone like that, tho i do think its entirely possible for him to had slept with a few people, lucky included... hm. i guess it depends on how i feel about it... sometimes, tho, i feel like im obligated to write it too. like, is this what people want? i wont lie, i did touch up on this sort of thing before, but only between lucky and cap, but it was entirely consensual between cap and ract to allow her to spend time with lucky. and cap is something of a saucy individual. im okay with poly/open relationships, only because its the best alt than cheating couples and stupid love triangles... tho, in this case, i assume lucky nor racter connect with people like that. well, i appreciate any thoughts about this, tbh. i know i wrote about it before, this sort of thing, but what are others thoughts on this case? will it be okay for me to leave the relationship just between racter and cap, or put lucky into the picture as well, given their history? or maybe just keep lucky as a side character that is not afraid of speaking her mind to cap, about how things go in heoi and how racter may just leave her like he did before.

honestly speaking, id much rather let racter deal with cap only, instead of getting into something intense with lucky. ive read too many stories about unprompted hate kisses and rebounds, and i want to do something that isnt that. i just worry ill disappoint people... tho i have no reason as to why i do. i just feel that this is something i *have* to do, if that makes sense.

sigh i rambled on for too long. sorry. i just dont want to write any sort of hate s-x based things. it bothers me a lot. idk.]

[notdeadyetnatural]

Hey! So i took a swing at writing again, my friend keeps telling me i'll never get better if i don't practice, so here i am writing fanfiction instead of studying for finals. 

I have so many headcanons about team free will, but one of them is that the brothers have, on several occasions, pretended to be girls husbands or boyfriends to get creepy dudes to stop hitting on them. I also think, that since Castiel is an angle, he would know much more about said creepy dudes, and he might take it a step further than the brothers are able to.

Anyway, i hope you enjoy. Feedback is deeply appreciated! 

(Also, really quick. If anyone wants to take this idea and make their own story/fic, feel free to! I only wrote it cause i couldn't find any fics like it. If you do write a fic/story using this idea, please tag me! I would love to read it!)

-------

The first time it happens was after a particularly frustrating hunt. 

Sam, Dean, and Cas, had spend the past 3 weeks trying to find out what was killing local witches. Sam had gotten the call from an old wiccan friend of his, saying that witches all around the county had been turning up dead, and all signs point to something supernatural.

It turns out there was the spirit of an seventeenth century priest attempting to carry out ‘god's will.’ Cas had informed him that he had been severely misinformed if he thought this is what his father wanted, and then punched him in the face with an iron ring. 

“You sure you don't want us to give you a ride? That car of yours doesn’t look like its got much time left.” Dean said to Alta, the wiccan that informed them of the killings. Saying her car had been destroyed by the spirit was putting it lightly. 

“Im good Winchester. Keep in touch Sam! I don't want to go another 6 years before talking again!” Alta replied before getting in to what could only be described as death on wheels.

After walking back to the Impala, which was lucky parked a block and a half away (Dean had learned along time ago not to bring his Baby into the strike zone of a vengeful spirit) Cas still had not said anything but a polite goodbye to Alta. “Are you sure your okay, Cas? Judging from the dent in that oak, Mr. God's Will didn't throw you gently.” 

Castiel shrugged, then nodded. His grace was not low, but he’d rather use it to heal rather than fight now days. Getting thrown through a window wasn't as easy for the winchesters as it used to be. Dean gave him a quick glance, obviously not believing him, but did not push the subject any further.

“Well, i'm starving. There’s this cool looking place over near downtown, they had a sign saying half off drinks on saturdays, so maybe we can get Mr. frowny face over here to lighten up.” Dean said, unlocking the car. Sam agreed, and they were off. 

It wasn't that Castiel was hurt, but cases involving his father always got him in a bad mood. The way meany of the monsters they hunted would use god as an excuse for their own hateful agenda made him angry beyond belief. 

So maybe he could blame that night on the anger. 

The place  Dean had mentioned was much bigger that they were used to, but still had the home-town vibe. It was an open space, with a large bar in the corner and tables soroung a fair sized dance floor. If it had been any other night of the week, Dean would have been surprised to see so meany people. But it was saturday around nine, so it was to be expected. 

They ordered some food, a burger for Dean, salad for Sam. Cas got himself a drink and sat down with the brothers. 

“Cas, Cas! Buddy, you sure your okay?” Dean asked him. Maybe Cas was a little more out of it than normal, but only because he was suppressing so much anger. He had also been eying a women in sitting at the bar who looked so uncomfortable, she could slide out of her own skin.

“Im okay Dean. Really.”

“If you say so. Im going to go get some more drinks, you guys want anything?” 

“Just a refill” Sam responded, and Cas shook his head. Dean walked over to the opposite end of the bar than the women, who now looked to be more sad than anything. A man, who Castiel assumed to be her boyfriend, shouted something before storming out of the bar. She looked a little dazed, but other than that okay. Cas focused back on his drink.

“What did you think of Alta?” Sam said. 

“What?”

“I said, what did you think of Alta? Are you okay man? You really do seem out of it, we can go back to motel if we need to.”

“No, no. There's no need for that. I promise im okay. Just thinking about the case.” Cas said the last part with a notable sadness. 

“You think we missed something?”

“Definitely not. Nothing like that is going to continue happening to those people.” Cas stated. He hesitated before continuing, Dean was still waiting at the bar. “I just... None of the witches were bad. I don't understand why this priest would think my father would want him to kill them, especially in such a brutal way.” Sam winced at the memory. All the body's had seemed more like executions than murders. The last couple especially gruesome.

“Well, you say it all the time yourself. We got a lot wrong, misinterpreting, mistranslating...” Sam trailed off. Humans really did get it wrong most of the time. “A lot of people use religion as an excuse to hate. I think that's part of the reason Dean has rejected it so much.” 

Cas thought back to the poorly hidden annoyance in Deans tone talking about this case, and what the priest thought. 

Before Castiel could say anything else, Dean walked back over with three drinks. “I don't need anything Dean.” Cas said as Dean handed him a glase. 

“I know, but i've been trying to find one of these for you to try for a while now, and we are finally at a place that sells em” Dean said with a smile on his face. It was clear that the man was just trying to cheer Castiel up, but the gesture made Cas a little happier.

“Thank you, Dean” Cas said. 

Halfway through the fruity drink Dean had brought him, Castiel noticed the women in the corner again. She had gone from sad and alone, to scared and with someone. Around the time she started hyperventilating, Cas set his drink down. 

“Cas? Buddy, where are you going?” Dean asked him, but his voice was muted. The women was trying to get away now, but the man wasn't letting go. Cas sped up. He was about three quarters of the way there, when he saw the mans hand go somewhere the women clearly did not want it to be, and a bottle to the left of him cracked with his anger.

He made it over to where the women was sitting, and put two fingers to the mans forehead. 

Time works differently, when you are an angle. Sometimes centuries seem like seconds, others, seconds lasted years. As Castiel held his fingers on the man, he saw what he had done. What he would continue to do.

And maybe he had had a bit more to drink than he told the bothers, maybe it was the left over anger about the case. Maybe it was simply Castiel. But that man would never hurt someone again. 

His eyes shone a bright blue, almost white, and within three seconds of getting to the man, he was laying limply on the floor. Dean was halfway to him, holding up a hand to Sam signaling he would take care of whatever this was. 

Cas looked at the women, and with fear in her eyes, he took her hand and explained. Images of the divine filled her brain, and she fell in Castiel's arms and sobbed. “Thank you... thank you. I'm so sorry” 

The women, no older that 24, Cas could see now, was a mess in his arms. She didn't know anything about Castiel, other than what he was, and that was enough for her to feel safe. Dean made it to them, and Cas shot him a look to get him to back down. 

Dean retreated, standing a few feet away, when the women looked up at Castiel. “Thank you” she said again. 

“I'm sorry i didn't come sooner, i don't usually intervene like this.” Castiel responded gently. The women gathered herself back on to the bar stool, and stared at her hands. 

“I dont..I-” She stammered.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cas said. She nodded hesitantly. Dean was still confused, but he stayed away.

“He... Earlier me and my boyfriend broke up. I, um. I came out to him...” She shot a nervous glance at Castiel, clearly afraid of his reaction. 

“As?” He asked with a reassuring smile. The women visibly relaxed. 

Castiel cold have this effect on people sometimes, his grace was calming when it wasn't threatening divine wrath.

“Uh.. bi. I had come out to him as bi... And he didnt- didnt take that very well.” She got quieter as she spoke. A few stray tears were still rolling down her face.

At this point, someone had pointed out to the bouncer that the man had passed out on the floor. After seeing his head was bleeding, an ambulance was called. Cas could not say he was worried. 

“He uh, he stormed out. Said somethings. I knew it was coming though. He was never a very supporting person. I called my friend, she actually should be here soon, um, sorry to bug you...”

“You are no bother. Would you like to speak about the man?” Castiel asked. He could tell she did, it was rolling off her in waves. But just because she had callmed due to his grace does not mean that he would force her. 

She nodded shyly. “He, uh, he must have overheard me coming out. A Lot of the things he said, were um.. about that. I tried to be polite, cause sometimes being rude makes it worse, ya know?” 

Castiel didn't know, but he nodded anyway.

“But he wouldn't stop, and eventually he started getting handsy-” She let out a teary laugh. “I realized- realized he was a lot stronger than i thought. By the time he had my arm i couldn't get out of his grip...” She got quiet.

“The you came” She looked up at castiel again. “Thank you” She repeated.

Castiel only nodded. “Would you like me to stay with you until your friend comes?” He asked. Again, he knew the answer, but he let her respond anyway.

“That would... That would be really nice. I- uh, I cant thank you enough.” She said. Castiel pulled her into another hug. Dean was silent, he had found another stool and sat a few feel away. 

Castiel stayed with her until her friend, Amelia, frantically ran into the bar looking worried. 

“Oh god, Jo, there you are” Amelia pulled Jo into a hug, and she broke down again. “Come on, sweetie, i have food in the car. Your place or mine?” 

Jo calmed down just enough to whisper “Yours” and walk out to Amelia's car. Castiel walked with them, and before they left Jo pulled him into a hug. 

Flashes of wings flew through Jo’s mind, and Castiel said. “You will be safe, Josephine, pray to me whenever you need to.” Cas whispered into her ear. He gave her a pat on the back and watched them roll away. Dean didn't say anything.

When they got back to the motel, Sam called first shower. Dean looked at him, waiting.

“You cant just go smiting people, Cas, especially in such a public place.” Dean said.

“I did not smite him.” 

“You put to fingers to his head and he collapsed, what is going to happen to him?” 

Castiel stayed quiet for a minute before answering. “His name was Jake. He will wake up in a hospital, handcuffed to the bed.” Dean gave him a strange look, Cas continued. “The doctors will say he passed out after having one to many drinks. By the time he makes it to the hospital, a warrant for his arrest will have been issued.” Dean was surprised. 

“He will be charged for over 10 accounts of rape, one murder, and abuse. Jake will try to buy his way out, but, for some reason that just wont work this time. His case will be assigned to a particularly harsh judge, and he will get life in prison.” 

It was safe to say Dean was stunned. 

“...I, I don't know what to say Cas.” 

“This wasn't his first time. He had plans for that women, Jo. But it will be his last, Hanna has made sure of it.” The mention of the angel running heaven made Dean look back up at Cas. He nodded. Sam got out of the shower, and the next morning they were on their way back to the bunker. 

A week later, Cas heard a prayer. It was mid morning, the bunker was still quiet with its occupants asleep. Jo prayed to him for safety, for him to protect her. 

Another 2 days went by, and there was another. Jo prayed to him for happiness and advice. To send her a sign that it was going to be okay. It didn't take much grace to make a monarch land on her finger that day. 

The prayers continue, and as a favor to Castiel, Hanna promises to keep an eye on the human,

That was the first time Cas protected someone at a dingy bar or festival or where ever casses took them.

It wasn't the last.

[mousehole5000]

tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

[gallickingun]

That’s completely understandable! I definitely feel that as well. It may take a while, but like you said, things will get better. I’m happy to pop into your inbox at any time to offer kind words and comfort - ❤️

ngl this made me tear up 🥺 and God who gives a fuck anymore ill at least put it under a read more but i gotta get it out

but like i just feel like a cancer to everyone right now.

i am afraid to follow anyone else because im so scared of making them uncomfortable with everything going on. and anyone who reaches out to me through dms or ask box messages i second guess always. are they really being nice? or are they sitting on the other side of the screen laughing at me for having a bad day when they think i deserve it? when people see me in their activity feeds, do they laugh bc they think im trash or do they even care? i used to want people to care but now i wish no one even knew who i was. and likely most people don't. likely im just making this a worse deal than it truly is but God im so tired of not knowing who is here for me and who is here for the tea.

anytime i sit down to write anymore im always bothered. are people going to judge me for writing this when i should've been doing matchups even though ive refunded them all? are people going to find something ive said wrong in this and tear me apart for it? am i going to mistakenly use a phrase i shouldn't? am i going to make someone uncomfortable by posting this? does this go directly against what fanon says and will people laugh at me for writing it?

wow there are so many servers ive wanted to join and participate in but i can't for fear of making people uncomfortable with just my presence, no matter how active i am. and then there's the unknown of what people are thinking when i join in on a collab or when i participate in a writing sprint. are they made uncomfortable by me being there? so usually i end up never joining the server or staying inactive, and even then im still a problem. and then there's bloggers i want to reach out to but i can't because i don't want to make them feel weird by not responding to me, or them to feel like im "clout chasing" when really i just like their writing and their personality and i just want to be friends. but i can't even make friends anymore because im the devil of the discourse right now.

ive had people i was becoming friends with block me out of nowhere bc of who im assuming they associate with, or the posts they've seen about me. people who only know me based on the stuff that's getting spread. i know i fucked up, but gosh did we really have to start a whole discourse blog for my wrongdoings? most of the time im okay but lately now im just giving up. maybe i am this horrible snake, maybe i am a disgusting waste of space. at this rate, i may as well be, since that's what everyone believes.

i want to write. i want to open commissions to write FOR PEOPLE. i want to work on my patreon to provide resources and extras and stuff. but i cant. im frozen, im stuck in the mud, and i cant move on.

this app has brought me so many friends and wonderful opportunities but its also made me the most s*icidal ive been in years. but i cant talk about anything bc then im gaslighting and manipulating people by discussing my mental health. so now i question if i even have mental health issues at all, or am i just making it up? is what my ex said really true, that ill never be okay? that ill always end up alone?

god, the imposter syndrome is real. has everyone just realized how big of a fraud i truly am? is this the end of the act? am i the monster they've claimed me to be?

idk. maybe. i don't even know me.

[krizaland]

So im in love with your fanfics. Their all really fun to read and they make me laugh. I was reading your one based on into the zimvoid and its super cool. I had a thought that the evil boss zim from the first chapter (idk who he is i haven't read the comic yet sorry) would be like yandere zim and i find that a horrifying idea but i also cant stop laughing at how terrible a zim would be as a yandere

Thank you for your kind words, anon! I actually really like your idea. However, Enter the Zimvoid is heavily based on issues #46 and #47 of the Invader Zim comics. 

Unfortunately, issues #46 and #47 are parts of a four part story arc that hasn’t been completed yet. The third installment, issue #48, is said to be released on October 30th. 

Therefore, there hasn’t been enough information about Number 1 to properly write about him. Hell, we don’t even know what he looks like yet. He was just depicted as an evil shadow. So until the last two issues are released, I can’t really write anything for Number 1.

With that being said, I still love your idea! While I can’t exactly have Number 1 be our yandere overlord at this time, I can have Emperor Zim (From issue #12 of the Invader Zim comics) play the part!

Be warned: Reader will get kidnapped and Emperor Zim will get creepy! Yanderes are just creepy fucks in general. Especially if said yandere is in any position of power. Don’t worry, there won’t be anything too graphic nor anything sexual. However, there will be a major character death! Things will definitely get uncomfortable and possibly a bit disturbing. There will also be a ton of swearing. Be sure to have some tissues and some funny videos on standby.

Now with all of that out of the way, Onwards to the story!

Emperor Zim sat on his throne and let out a sigh. From an outsider’s perspective, it would be hard to believe the Emperor would be unhappy.  He had finally conquered the Urth! Everybody was literally bowing before him! Hell, even the Tallest finally respected him! Emperor Zim could have anything he wanted! 

Well almost anything.

He may have conquered the Urth but he could never conquer your heart. 

Even long before he became emperor, you always rejected his advances. He still couldn’t believe how you would much rather be with Dib than him!

It felt like no matter what he did, he would always lose to Dib!

Emperor Zim growled at the mere thought of you and Dib being even in the same room together, let alone in love.

Before he became emperor, Zim would always question what made Dib so special. Once he became Emperor, Zim was so certain you would finally see his superiority! 

Imagine his fury when you still had the audacity to reject him! He was the ruler of your home planet! You should’ve felt honored to even be considered to rule by his side!

As punishment for your defiance, Emperor had Dib executed and forced you to watch every painful second of it.

Needless to say, you were absolutely traumatized when you were forced to watch the love of your life die right in front of your eyes. You were helpless to save him from his fate!

“There! Now with the boy nuisance out of the way, we can finally be together!” Emperor Zim cackled as he sauntered towards you.

All you could do was sob as you fell to your knees. You could’t look the Emperor in the eye as he loomed over you.

“Stop sniveling, my sweet. You won’t need to worry about the FILTHY DIB-STINK anymore. Now we can finally be together.” Emperor Zim’s voice was a low whisper as he slowly tilted your head upwards to face him.

Before you could respond, Emperor Zim grabbed your face and crashed his lips onto yours.

You let out a few muffled yelps as his worm like tongue forced its way into your mouth. His worm like tongue quickly overpowered your human one as it invaded your mouth.

Emperor Zim let out a growly moan as he tasted every inch of you. Oh how long he had waited for this moment!

You tasted even better than he imagined! The Emperor savored every second until he needed to part for air. 

However, Emperor Zim didn’t get much more time to enjoy himself.

WHAP!

The Emperor’s bubble of euphoria was burst by your hand colliding with his cheek.

“How dare you! You forced me to watch the love of my life die and now you kiss me?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! You think now that my boyfriend’s dead that I’ll magically fall in love with you?!” You roared as you rose to your feet.

“Well I-”

“I got news for you, shithead! I will never. EVER love you! You’re the most disgusting, narcissistic, delusional, pathetic deranged lunatic I have ever met IN MY LIFE! You are too fucking stupid to take responsibility for your actions, so you blame everybody else for YOUR PROBLEMS! You wanna know why I chose Dib over you?! Because he isn’t a fucking douchewaffle LIKE YOU!” You roared as you loomed over him.

Emperor Zim was at a loss for words. All he could do was try to avoid your fiery gaze.

“I’ve only got two words for you: FUCK YOU!” 

Without saying another word, you slapped Emperor Zim again and ran out of the Emperor’s palace. 

Emperor Zim was left with his jaw on the floor and two throbbing pink handprints on the side of his cheek. 

After a minute of stunned silence, The Emperor’s shock melted into enchantment. He did not expect that to happen but...Wow! What a firecracker!   Emperor Zim never thought any human would dare defy him let alone try to fight back!  You were like a sublime force of nature! Emperor Zim had never seen something so terrifying yet so beautiful all at the same time! He purred as he rubbed the handprints that you left on his cheek.

Meanwhile, you didn’t stop running until the palace was nothing more than a speck in the distance.

Soon your legs begun to give out. You decided to hide out behind a dumpster to catch your breath.

As tired as you were, you knew the Emperor would, without a doubt, be furious with you! You had to find somewhere to hide! And fast!

After a few moments of searching, you came across an old abandoned warehouse.

What luck!

Without a second thought, you quickly rushed inside.

Inside the warehouse, you were surrounded by countless boxes upon boxes.

You opened a few boxes and found some dusty pillows, a slightly stained mattress and a somewhat tattered blanket.

It certainly wasn’t the most luxurious of sleeping arrangements but hey! It was better than sleeping on the cold concrete floor.

You dusted off the mattress, pillows, and blanket and tried to get as comfy.

After tossing and turning for a bit, you finally managed to fall asleep.

When your body slowly started to wake up, you noticed that your blanket, mattress, and pillows were a lot softer than they were before. At first you assumed that everything was just a horrible nightmare and you’ve woken up back in the comfort of your bedroom.

You opened your eyes and let out a gasp. You were not in your bedroom nor the warehouse. You were in a very fancy guest room. The sheets were purple and the duvet had gold trimming. A large shimmery canopy was draped over your bed frame. 

“Where am I?” You groaned groggily as you slowly sat up.

“Ah, you’re finally awake, sweet Y/N.”

You let out a gasp as your mind processed that familiar voice all too well.

No! It couldn’t be!

“Zim?!” 

“That’s Emperor Zim to you. At least for now anyway. Because soon you’ll just be calling me your lover!” Emperor Zim giggled as he drew closer.

“What the- How did you-”

“Bring you here? HA! That was soo simple, sweet Y/N! All I had to do was use your DNA to track you down!” Emperor Zim chuckled.

“How did you get- You know what? I don’t even wanna know.” You whimpered.

“Now then, let’s try this again, shall we?” Zim grabbed your face and whispered

“You belong to me.”

[pandawritespoorly]

With Time: Chapter 7 - The Best Group Chat

Author’s Note: A short chapter - just a quick catch-up. Next update will be Saturday, and oh boy we've got another akuma. If I'm so insistent on writing them I should probably figure how to actually write fights.

Chapter Summary: Some text interactions of the Quantics and Felix and what they've thought of Marinette up to this point.

First | Previous | Next

Kid Mime: So!!!! Wat do you all think of our new frend that weve had 4 a weeekkkk!!! Because I love herrr!!! We r going to keep her right!!!????

  Melodie: Oh you bet we are. I’m a little worried about her though, I mean did you see that bruise? 

Melodie: Also she is precious and very sweet. If she doesn’t seem uncomfortable with the arrangement, we should keep hanging out with her. 

  Felix: Are you referring to the bruise on her face? It did seem unlikely to have been caused on accident.

  Melodie: WHAT BRUISE ON HER FACE?!

  Kid Mime: SHE HAS A BRUISE ON HER FACEEEEE?! MOMMM SOME1 HURT UR NEWEST CHILD!!!

  The Mom Friend: Wait wat? When did you see that Felix? r you sure?

  Felix: On Thursday, when she seemed overly tired. She was falling asleep in class and her palm wiped some make-up off of her face. She excused herself to the bathroom when she realized, but I did see a rather concerning bruise on her face, and there seemed to be scratch above it. I assume you were referring to another bruise?

  Kid Mime: HOW MANY BRUSES DOES THS PRECIOUS ANGLE GIRL HAVE!!!?

  The Mom Friend: enuf that im concerned

  Melodie: The make-up means that she’s hiding it, and come to think of it, she is dressed rather warmly for the current weather.

Melodie: I meant the bruise on her arm, it was pretty big.

  The Mom Friend: yea long sleeves an pants in early spetember is kinda wierd

  Felix: While I find this to be disconcerting, we would do best to avoid jumping to conclusions. It would also be for the best to avoid mentions of her past school - when it was mentioned on Monday, she seemed rather uncomfortable.

  The Mom Friend: yea we don’t want to make assuptions and i don’t want to upset her

  Melodie: She’d better have just fallen…

  Kid Mime: Al’ no murder

  Melodie: … 

    Kid Mime: DOES ANY1 NO HOW 2 GET OUR AMAZING MARI TO HANG OUT W/ US??? I ONLY GET 2 SEE HER AT ACHOOL AND IT SADDENS MEEEEEE

  Felix: She may just be shy, it would be best to give her time to adjust to her new environment.

  Melodie: I do hope she decides to join us soon though. I think she seems like a pretty cool person, especially if she could get out of her shell.

  The Mom Friend: allegra, give er time dont want to force her it might make her uncomforable

  Melodie: I know, that’s not what I meant, I just worry about her. 

  Kid Mime: Im with u there. i wory about her sometimes something just… i dunno

  Felix: It is understandable to be concerned. It seems likely that she may have rather low self-esteem, and lacks confidence in herself. That, as well as the fact that we still do not know where she got so many bruises.

  Melodie: I think we were right about why she was wearing longer clothes, did you guys notice she’s wearing short sleeves now.

  The Mom Friend: poor thing at least she heeled now

    The Mom Friend: does anyone no y mari was so tired today

  Lovable Grump: I noticed, but she did not mention any reason in particular.

Lovable Grump: …

Lovable Grump: Claude, I’m changing my password again.

  Kid Mime: NOOOO pls we all have fun nicknamesssss

  Felix: Your nicknames have a tendency to be longer than my actual name, which makes them unnecessary.

  Melodie: Accept your fate Felix. Claude can not and will not be stopped. Also Allan, I don’t know know about Marinette. She did seem pretty tired today though….

  The Mom Friend: hmm…

  Kid Mime: FEEEELLLIXXXXXXX NOOOOO UR NAME IS SOO BORING NOWWWW!!!

  Felix: That is unfortunate for you.

Felix: It is not the first time that Marinette has seemed overly fatigued. She does commissions does she not? Perhaps one of her projects kept her up.

  The Mom Friend: maybe she should take on les if shes being overworked

  Kid Mime: *mom instincts activated*

  The Mom Friend: im just concerned about her health

  Melodie: He’s got you there, Allan.

    Kid Mime: I CANT WAIT IS SCOOL OVER YET

  The Mom Friend: only a little longer

The Mom Friend: then to mari’s

  Kid Mime: I KNOOOOOOOOO

Kid Mime: I CANT WAIIIIIITTTTTTTT

Kid Mime: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  Felix: Claude, you should calm down. You do not want to overwhelm her.

  Melodie: I’m excited too! She actually wants to hang out with us after school and she invited us over to her house!

  Kid Mime: do u think i can finally get her number

  Felix: I doubt she’s interested in your memes Claude.

  Kid Mime: but i cant even send her cute baby animal oictures

Kid Mime: or texxt her good moring

  Melodie: You mean texting her good morning like five minutes before first hour? After you’ve already seen each of us in person anyways?

  Kid Mime: YES!

  The Mom Friend: all of u guys need to pay attention in class

  Kid Mime: :(((((( fine

    Melodie: Why did she give us a bunch of pastries and thank us?

  Felix: Perhaps she thought we were rather nice guests. Though I will admit I thought it rather odd as well.

  Kid Mime: as much as i like baked goods i don’t get it??? I feel like were missing something? It seemed liek she was thanking us for soemthing else????? all we did was come over

  The Mom Friend: did anyone notice that there was a school right across the street?

  Melodie: Hmmm.

  Felix: As much as I wish to get satisfactory answers, it is not our place if she does not wish to share.

  Melodie: Fine, switching topics: Thoughts on Adrien?

  The Mom Friend: u mean the boy you accused of bullying her

  Melodie: >:(  I just thought he seemed suspicious

  The Mom Friend: u meant well

  Kid Mime: PERSONALY I DONT NO Y SHE HID SOME1 SO GREAT FROM US

  Felix: Marinette was correct. The two of you should never have been introduced.

  Melodie: He seemed nice. (Besides the puns) I liked him

Melodie: He’s got my approval

  The Mom Friend: thats good i dont think it wood be good if two of her friends didnt get along. He seems to understand when shes upset so thats cool very good

  Kid Mime: does our mom have another child now?!

The Mom Friend: …

The Mom Friend: …maybe

  Kid Mime: :)

  Felix: Moving on, I’m impressed with the connections she has at such a young age.

  Melodie: RIGHT?! WHAT KIND OF BEAUTIFUL TALENTED STAR HAS BEEN GIFTED TO US?!

  The Mom Friend: allegra stop snooping on the internet we just agreed not to do that sort of thing

  Melodie: …

Melodie: Fine…

  Kid Mime: i still didnt get her number :(

  Felix: Perhaps you could ask her at school.

  Kid Mime: BUT THATS SO FAR AWAY

  Felix: It really is not.

  The Mom Friend: let him be dramatic

The Mom Friend: its his middle name

  Kid Mime: it is

Kid Mime: as my unofficial official mom, he wood no

---

Author’s Note: So basically, they're worried, but want to respect her privacy. I could have just said that, but I love their interactions.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  They're all just such sweethearts.

One thing I forgot to put in the note at the end of chapter 6 was my reasoning for Marinette getting to that point. I forgot one big reason (I'm sorry. This is why i need to write things down.) But for the most part it's that Marinette often takes the blame/apologizes for things that aren't her fault, so I feel she is quick to blame herself. That, combined with how she sees the good in people, I think she could have trouble identifying that she isn't at fault for how things turned out at her old school.

Okay, so this past weekend I was struck with the ability to write - don't ask I don't understand either - so basically now I'm writing chapter 11. Yeah, I managed to write the next 4+ chapters in a day. As much as I'd love to post them all now, I need to keep a regular schedule for the sake of my sanity and still need to edit them a bit. But hey, at least there's no chance of waiting too long now.

I really love seeing your comments so don't be scared to write one! I can assure you that it's one of my favorite parts of this.

Thanks for reading, and constructive criticism is welcomed! See (well, not 'see') you guys Saturday, with an akuma that doesn't like being lied to.

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[cursedthoughtz]

first post (5.28.2020)

11:55pm

i wonder what other people think about, the small little thoughts that cross their mind day to day. i wonder if i’m really as different as i think i am. i’ve always had darker thoughts, but not the scary kind. never towards other people, always towards me. 

thoughts i dont think i could share with anyone or say out loud. Ive long stopped going to therapy. my therapist was the only one who even knew a crumb of what goes on in my stupid, hilarious, mean head. i once told him that sometimes id be in the middle of a decent and pleasant conservation and id say something just a tad awkward, like 4/10 if we were measuring and my mean brain would immediately start repeating it over and over to me, calling me stupid and retarded. ive never really felt in control of my brain. quite the other way around actually. it has me on a leash. although i have gotten extremely better than what it used to be. it used to tell me to bash my head into corners of tables. and it would imagine all the gory details, and then after forcing that image into my head (usually in public too, sometimes school) it would play a mini slideshow of my mom and sister crying, and my best friend wailing as she heard the news of this horrible, horrible, unimaginable thing id done to myself. and for no reason either. all that for a little bit of awkwardness. i used to be so comfortable telling suicide jokes. for some reason it like “came into trend” or something. kms was the most used acronym for a while. i could say it constantly and it felt like this big weight off my shoulders because i was finally saying it out loud but in a socially acceptable way and people would laugh, and i would feel happy for a split second. but then id realize what we were all laughing about. laughing about the fact that i just said i wanted to jump off a bridge. ive stopped doing that and now suicide jokes make me quite uncomfortable. i hate when other people say it. the mean judgmental hypocritical never-been-wrong-in-its-life side of my brain will assume that the person saying “kill me” because they were late to work has never known the true pain of that feeling before. and they should shut the fuck up because they've never been lying in the fetal position on the floor of their bedroom, crying until they cant breathe, just replaying every traumatic thing that has ever happened to them. wishing and praying to a god they dont believe in to just take them out of this planet because they cant stand another minute trapped inside their head with cursed thoughts. but then i take a deep breath and remember i used to say that probably 15x a day. and i damn well meant it. i said it with a huge stupid cheesy smile on my face too, so i have no right taking away what could be their little comfort of expressing that burden. that used to be me.

its hard when youre sad or depressed to not feel superior or like youre in the most pain and nobody would even be able to stand it for a second if they were in your shoes. but the truth is thats stupid. as fuck. everybodys got that little mean voice in their head (i think, at least i hope. cause if not i need to be admitted somewhere lmfao) some peoples mean voices are just louder. but what do i know. nobody's even reading this right now, thank god. but if you are, dont listen to me. i like to lie to myself and pretend i have all the answers and i know everything about life because of all the fucked up stuff ive had to go through. but genuinely, the truth is no one knows shit. not unless they can magically read everyone minds. “we only have our own ideas of other peoples ideas” (i stole that from bo burnham. man is a comedy legend) 

ew i just reread this and it sounded so cringy. what am i 13 years old again? jesus christ. its truly hard to read. but this what i decide to waste my time thinking and writing about, so i guess id better be exposed to that harsh reality sooner or later. i dont want you (imaginary person reading this) to get this impression of me, like im that emo kid from the lorax. im not. in real life i think i come across quite normal. thats the reality of depression i guess. its always right in front in you. can you imagine if i told my coworkers i used to think about bashing my head into walls??? right now they think im some ditzy, happy-go-lucky dumbass with her head in the clouds, which dont get me wrong, does coexist with the other part of my brain. but i just couldn't even imagine the look on their faces if i ever told them what i really think about. which brings me right back to the beginning..... what do they think about?