#assault & battery

[factual-flittermouse]

If Tim Drake is “Rob” and Connor Kent is “Kon”/“Con,” a crime scene with the both of them on site is probably a little confusing

[milkcioccolato]

Poor feral baby Shin has never used a public transport in her entire life, she doesn’t know how they work

[peachy-keenss]

this two foot tall demonic doll will make you his bitch!

[dryococelas01]

Worm AU where every member of the Brockton bay protectorate is a different type of protagonist.

Miss Militia is actually the star of a metal gear esque ridiculous scifi/military story

Dauntless is the main character of a shonen anime

Armsmaster is a romantic comedy protag where he and dragon are both robots pretending to be human and trying to hide it from the other

Triumph is actually just the dragonborn trying to live a quiet life.

Assault and battery are a dark drama where battery keeps trying to reveal assault for the villain he is, but the manipulative bastard keeps getting away with it. She thought he had redeemed himself, but she discovered it to be untrue, and now she has to reveal his true nature before its too late.

Velocity fights aliens on weekends.

[cuntmand]

ARMAND WHEN I CATCH YOU!!! SANTIAGO WHEN I CATCH YOU!!! EVERY BASEMENT DWELLING FUCKASS VAMPIRE OF THAT SHITTY, INSIPID COVEN WHEN I CATCH YOU!!!

[pseudowho]

Today my husband bought new work clothes.

Comes to me in a new navy shirt, brown leather tie, boots, and braces.

Leans in and whispers "you can pull my tie if you like".

I just

I can't

He knows

[nartothelar]

Ingo could put Crime Joltik Emmet in the -Jail Jar- for his crimes

Crime 1: Draining the batteries from the Tv remote

Crime 2 : To fuzzy to Furious

Crime 3: Adorable

jarred for battery crimes ToT

[f1rewalk3r]

since apparently this is what i’m known for: What Motorcycle I think each member of the PRT ENE would ride:

Armsmaster: Canonically rides a ���souped up motorcycle.” obviously this means tinkertech in the parahumans world, but in the biker world this means egregious, stupid custom. so i’m giving him a fat tire Harley Davidson VROD. an ugly bike with an ego for a silly man with an ego

now what do you get when you cross the most reliable, unkillable dual sport of all time with a diesel engine? you get the Kawasaki KLR-650 HDT, the M1030-M1, a finicky monster used by the US military. perfect for the unkillable Miss Militia, a connoisseur of finicky military equipment. it can go anywhere and use anything for fuel, but it was literally designed to run on jet fuel.

Velocity’s a speedster right? so obviously he’s gonna get an ultra fast liter bike, super sport, 200hp, etc. WRONG. you fucking idiot. you fucking moron. personally i don’t subscribe to grimdumb f(c?)anon that he perceives real time when he’s speeding. that’s stupid cape design imo. he can go fast as his heart desires with his power. yknow what he can’t do with his power? rip up the fucking motorcross track, doing flips and jumps and shit. radical, man. so he gets a two-stoke ripper, the Yamaha YZ-250.

Battery, on the other hand, is a girlboss who needs to get stress relief via a supersport liter bike. she’s dealing with assault all day, can you blame her? so she’s getting the Honda CBR1000RR-Fireblade. liquid cooled, 999cc, inline four, with a top speed of 190mph it really doesn’t get much faster than this, folks.

now if you take the dual sport Kawasaki, give it the suspension of the Yamaha motorcross, but the tires and street performance of the supersport, you get the Supermotard class of bikes. the crackhead hooligans of the bike community, these are the bikes that are doing wheelies in residential areas, jumping over that grassy hill near your office building, and squealing around corners as the back end slips out. can you tell i have a favorite type of bike. now, who’s our resident crackhead of the protectorate? why, Assault, of course! So he’s getting the king of supermotos (and the bike i will probably be purchasing in may), a Suzuki DRZ-400SM

loud, annoying, and entitled Triumph gets the Harley Davidson Softtail, the bike of choice for obnoxious wannabe hell’s angels, the bike of choice for your balding 50yr old dad, or for the kid who wants so badly to be relevant and accepted amongst the boomers he calls friends. idk where Triumph fits into this its kinda just a vibe yk he’s a nepo baby, he gets a harley

and finally. the perfect bike for those with mobility issues/those concerned about safety due to preexisting medical conditions, Director Piggot gets a Harley Davidson Trike and she fucking slays on it, understand? girl power.

i forgot dauntless because he’s boring so he gets a boring adventure bike for boring losers. BMW F650GS. fuck you dauntless you dont even get a fun big BMW you get the heavy underpowered one. go to hell 🖕

[littledead-ridinghood]

Saying Batman hits his kids and all his other abusive tendencies only exist because people want to use them as “tropes” to woobify his children is not like…the good take you think it is

It’s important to me that you all know that. It’s not actually bad, an ‘incorrect reading of the text’ or ‘only acknowledging bad writing’ when people want to talk about how Bruce’s actions can actually severely effect those around him.

It’s also important to me that you all know that while maybe a parent hitting their adult child may not count as child abuse because the child is no longer a kid, it does; however, still count as assault, battery, and can even be considered domestic abuse if their living or staying at the manor at the time it happens and is still very, very bad and not okay

[deplcythebattery]

bunny break. take a moment to look at assault & battery and just breathe

[littleblondesoprano]

I couldn’t resist taking some selfies after I got those cute pink heart shaped sunglasses from the antique store! I think they turned out cute :D

[anachronistic-falsehood]

OK. ALRIGHT. BEDTIME. FUCK YOU DOCTOR FUCK YOU EIDOLON FUCK YOU ALEXANDRIA!!!! NOT FUCK YOU LEGEND. I LIKE HIM. HE CAN STAY. hangs a sign on my door that says "no cauldron capes allowed" but written under that is "except battery and legend who are the only exceptions <3"

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

personally I think the second someone pulls out a $100 bill and their amount due is less than $80 I should be legally allowed to jump over the counter and beat their ass

[gunpowderdtim]

"Tim survived the moon au" me and miralines have going on is facinating.

Arms Dealer "Dee" Tim will never not be iconic.

[storytellering]

you should look up "is incest a crime?" the answer will SHOCK YOU!!!!!!!

You know what's even more shocking? If you look up if reading, writing, drawing or otherwise consuming FICTIONAL incest is a crime. it will REALLY SHOCK YOU!!!!!!😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

[sallymew4]

teru was a dork diaries kid while ritsu was a diary of a wimpy kid kid