#aspec talk

[aaa-battery-not-rechargeable]

I have a question if that's okay, is the term loveless for aromantics only? Or is it okay to use as someone who experiences romantic attraction/love but is repulsed by it and wants to reject it? Like is loveless a term to normalise or is it an important word for aros to describe specific experiences?

as far as my understanding goes, the term 'loveless' as an identity is for anyone who doesn't feel 'love'. i use it as an aro because it's important to me to distance myself from the concept of 'love', and i know it's the same for other aros. i do think the term 'loveless' does need to be more widespread, at least for ppl to know about.

there is a seperate term for ppl who feel love and don't like it, which is 'romance repulsed', which isn't strictly an aromantic-spectrum thing. now i'm not the aro police (acab) and i can't tell you you can't use the term 'loveless' for yourself, so i personally (as just some random loveless aro guy) have no room to judge if you'd like to claim the term 'loveless', and i don't think it's a bad thing if you'd feel comfortable with that label. i won't slap labels on other people, i can just tell you how i use/claim my labels

other loveless folks or aromantics, please weigh in if you want to. i know i'm not the expert in lovelessness, but i do want help to give this anon a proper answer if that's something someone has

wishing you all the best, anon, i'm here if you want to chat or have more questions <2

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[peach-pot]

when it comes to asexuality and aromanticism you have to be okay with contradiction. one ace person will say asexuality is about not experiencing attraction, another will say it’s about not caring to act on attraction, another will say it’s not experiencing arousal. one aromantic will consider themself queer, one won’t. two people with seemingly identical experiences will use two different labels. aro people will be in romantic relationships, ace people will have sex. you get it.

[knifearo]

here's the thing. "ace people can still have sex" and "aro people can still be in relationships" are objectively true statements. this is because people can do whatever the fuck they want forever regardless of their label/orientation. however some of you have GOT to get your shit together and stop using those statements to undermine larger conversations about aspec identity. following up "ace people don't owe you sex in a relationship" with "ace people can still have sex in a relationship though!" is not fucking helpful! yes it's true. yes it's a reality for many people. however if we used our fucking brains for a second and thought about how following up "people don't have to conform to societal expectation" with "but people can still conform!! don't worry they can still conform!!!!" is counterproductive and very frustrating for a lot of people then we could get back to the actual point which is not "aspec people can still have sex/be in relationships" but "aspec people can do whatever they want with their relationships and their bodies". which they can, by the way. they can do whatever they want forever. and you should give them 200 dollars every time you see them for dealing with this shit

[canonically47]

“there is no straight explanation for this” neither is there a gay one. there is however an aromantic one

[fettiowi]

"This character is ace because they have never shown any interest in dating or have ever seemed to experience romantic attraction!" THATS NOT ACE THATS ARO THATS AROMANTIC AROMANTICISM THOSE ARE DIFFERENT THINGS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REMEMBER AROS EXIST OUTSIDE OF ASEXUALITY AND THAT THERE ARE ACES WHO FEEL ROMANTIC ATTRACTION PLEASE

[welcometogrouchland]

Extremely bad batgirls comic I made featuring Steph's sex life and Cass' ability to read everything but the room

[demi-romantics]

Feel free to add your favorite race below if I did not have space to add it! Ooo and if you have a favorite homebrew race you can add that too!

[stiffyck]

Since it's pride month I think people should remember the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for identities such as aromantic, asexual, etc.

It does not stand for ally.

[cepheusgalaxy]

Wish more people understood the difference between "shipping this aro character because i want to explore their aromanticism and where they stand in the spectrum" and "shipping this aro character because i don't care about their orientation".

[redysetdare]

I wholeheartedly believe that the last thing that should be said in response to aspecs hating their identity is "don't worry! Aspecs can still do X, Y, and Z" and I'm so fucking serious about this.

The least helpful thing you can do to someone who have not accepted their aspec identity yet is give them ways to compensate for it. If an aspec person is upset over not being able to enter a romantic relationship, the last thing that should be done is to tell them they can still enter one or instead enter a QPR - not because that's not true but because that is quite literally going to stunt their ability to accept their aspec identity. Telling them they can instead enter a QPR when they're upset over the lack of romantic relationships is at MOST a bandaid for the main issue. Instead of them coming to accept their identity and accept who they are you have instead handed them an amatonormative alternative on a silver platter that allows them to pretend they still fit into amatonormativity without every deconstructing it. This is how we get QPRs getting shoved into an amatonormative framework - these people NEVER got over the "I'm sad that I'm aspec" phase because they were handed alternatives instead of given actual support in deconstructing their internalized aphobia, self hatred, and amatonormative biases.

[the-delta-quadrant]

i'm ace, i'm asexual, i don't experience sexual attraction, i wear an ace ring on a regular basis, i have an asexual pride flag, i have asexual pride merch, the ace flag is in my profile picture, i've identified as asexual for 10+ years, asexuality is my oldest queer identity, i talk a lot about being ace because it's part of who i am and affects my every day life, i'm proud to be ace, i'm ace and taking up space, i'm ace and in your face, i will never shut up about being ace, i didn't suffer through ace discourse to stay silent about asexuality. they haven't bullied me into silence then and they won't do it now. i'm the exact amount of asexual that offends you personally.

[peach-pot]

(if you don’t mind reblogging this post, that would be groovy ^_^)

[knifearo]

as an optimist i dream of a beautiful world where people are fucking normal about aromanticism

[canonically47]

“can you people just let friends be friends!!” i shout into the mic. the crowd boos and throws tomatoes at me. “why, are you homophobic?��� they accuse. i shoot everyone dead with my aromantic beam.

[stacydenovo]

happy pride month to asexuals and aromantics and everything in between. i want each and everyone of you to know that you are loved and cherished by the community even though there are some who try to diminish us. you are a valued, important, and valid part of the lgbtqia+ community. thank you for simply existing this pride 🏳️‍🌈🖤🤍💜🖤🤍💚