#ask a nonbinary person

[defining-trans]

Ask a Transgender Person Anything 🏳️‍⚧️

I'm tired of watching the same heated conversations over and over again where nothing gets solved. This blog is the solution I've come up with.

Ask me any question YOU have about being transgender.

I don’t care if it’s phrased “problematically”, insensitive or intentionally invasive, I will do my best to answer. However, you may not like the answer I give you.

Whether you're just trying to learn more about us, are too scared to ask a trans person you know for fear of ridicule, or genuinely believe people like me are deluding ourselves into identifying the way that we do and that we need to be "taught better"/"shown the truth", you have full permission to ask me, a trans person, whatever the hell you want.

Ground Rules:

I will respond only to asks and anonymous messages sent directly to my inbox. Any questions directed at me via comments, reblogs or tags on my posts are fair game for me to ignore.

If your question is indeed rude, or would most likely be perceived as such by a trans person you know IRL, I'll explain why and, if possible, give you an example of a better way to ask it.

If your question is about queer and/or trans discourse in general, I will answer it to the best of my ability. If it's about my personal stances on said discourse, I may or may not answer it. That will depend on whether or not I feel like it.

Regardless of how I feel about the questions I’m being asked, I will not resort to ad hominem attacks. (Your background and personal beliefs have no bearing on whether or not I’m capable of answering the question you’ve asked, therefore the most I will do is discuss how said potential background/belief may have prompted you to ask it.)

The only assumption I will make about you is that you want me to answer your question. I believe this to be a fair assumption, considering you will have to go out of your way to send me your question.

Leading questions (ones intended to coerce a specific predetermined answer out of the party being asked) and sealioning (feigned ignorance with the intention of wearing one down through the emotional labor of continually explaining one’s point of view) will be treated differently than genuine questions—I will first point out what about them I find objectionable, then dissect the question. If any part of the question is salvageable or could be a genuine question in another context, I will also attempt to give a genuine answer.

I am doing this purely out of personal interest. There is no secret agenda, I will not attempt to “convert” you to my “side” of things. I’m just curious about what questions people actually want to ask a trans person but are too shy or afraid of being judged to ask someone they know.

I will answer your questions based on my broader knowledge and my own personal experiences. Neither of these things are reflective of the trans experience as a whole and should not be interpreted as such. The only trans person whom I speak for is myself.

Insults are not questions. Words such as "anything other than male or female is a mental illness" and slur-flinging and so on - by themselves - are not questions, so I refuse to entertain them. Additionally, sarcastic questions like "so were you dropped on your head as an infant or are you just stupid by choice?" will be ignored.

We are not entitled to personal information about each other. You can ask me about stuff aside from being trans (i.e. completely unrelated political beliefs), but the focus of this blog is trans stuff, so I may decline to answer any off topic questions.

I'll get to your question when I get to your question. If you start sending me entitled or guilt-tripping nonsense, it will make me less inclined to answer your question. (Not all of us have the luxury of enough free time to entertain the questions of strangers on the internet who may or may not believe we deserve to die horrible deaths, and those of us that have that and the stomach to do it won't be up for it 24/7.)

It's fine to reblog and comment on my posts even if you don't have questions for me. In fact, that would help me reach more people who might have questions about transness that I can help answer.

I'm undecided as to whether or not I'd like to open my direct messages to people looking for a civil debate or more private atmosphere. Please respect my boundaries and do not DM me with questions or arguments at this time.

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[incorrectbatfam]

You're literally gay??? And it's pride month??? And Israel's our only safe haven in that region???

There's no pride in genocide

[bamsara]

Hello :P tiny reminder that my Lamb and Joon (my yellow cat) both use They/Them pronouns :P

[blu-ish]

Shadow and Sonic just unknowingly courting one another and one day they’re on a mission and come across a village where a normal hedgehog who knows all this points it out and they both just combust.

the flowers were 15 dollars. 💐

[httyd-art-requests]

May I request a nonbinary colored Terrible Terror? Love those little guys!

I love that the first pride request is also one of my own flags <3 Shaking your hand

Dragon #87 - Non-Binary Terrible Terror

[blueskittlesart]

PLEASE tell me the prof roasted them

unfortunately no, i'm the only other openly/visibly trans person in the class and we made direct eye contact and i could FEEL the discomfort physically but basically what they ended up saying was "hey I'm really not a fan of jkr but I will do my best to remain impartial about your work" which was what prompted the idiot who was pitching to use the "complex feelings" line. Given the fact that the prof is adjunct and my school has rules about freedom of speech or whatever i don't think they would have won in a confrontation about whether the subject matter was appropriate, so I think making it awkward and voicing their discomfort was probably the best thing they could have done. unfortunately the hp fan was so fucking out of touch they chose to ignore the fact that multiple people were visibly uncomfortable and insist on the project anyway. so

[carlyraejepsans]

i start hooting and hollering every time i see another UTDR artist with an older frisk design. like "that's frisk! i know that kid we went to undertale together!!"

it's like we both grew up :']

[uncanny-tranny]

r u chill w non transitioning ppl?

Why wouldn't I be? At one point, every trans person who is transitioning was once someone who wasn't (whether or not that was a choice or their need is a separate discussion).

Hatred of any kind of trans person is not a Righteous or Good Thing - every single trans person has their place, their entitlement to safety, community, and respect of who they are

[corviiids]

hi rook sorrgy I'm back but I've been thinking about your akeshu as girls genderfuckery tweet for 20 million years. idk if you can share anything in good faith here on the Tumblr corner of the internet (if not then by all means ignore this) but if you did I'd owe you perhaps my entire soul!! thank you very much either way :3

i would LOVE to talk about this thank you so much for asking

[under the cut in case anyone would not like to see genderfuckery stuff]

okay so first of all.

on the topic of boobs

this is important to lead with do you understand. most of the akeshu as girls stuff ive seen around has akc as flat-chested and ren as boobed. and that's valid i support that. but personally. personally to me. i think it's the opposite. tbe reason (well one reason) i think it's the opposite is because i think girlren is a little rat of a creature and akechi who is prim and feminine and perfect is so FUCKING angry about her crush on ren like she's barely surviving it and then this is the nail in the coffin. she's like why can't i stop thinking about that messy unassuming thing. she doesn't even have boobs

my other reasons for tihs are that i think joker is more androgynous charm while akechi is more feminine/masculine duality i think this makes sense to nobody else. i think ren regardless of agab is riding the rail of the gender spectrum 🛹 while akc is collecting extremes of gender presentation like they're pokemon do you understand. are we on the same page here. ren being into drag is important to me for this reason (again regardless of agab). meanwhile akechi having very clear feminine secondary sex characteristics but presenting gradually more and more masculine in terms of clothing/hair/personal style etc. is also extremely important to me. and that includes being biog of tity while her style veers more and more into masc as time goes on

ok

the detective prince

i think girl akechi (at 17-18) presents very femininely because it's what's effective for her. i would call her style................... kawaii corporate chic. does that make sense for everyone. it's like schoolgirl girlboss. she has a bow instead of a tie but it's a very classy one not a kitschy one. smart blazer, uniform pleated skirt, patent leather shoes, u know the drill BUT. people still call her the detective prince. this is VERY IMPORTANT to me. no detective princess. only detective prince. do you understand the importance of the genderfuckery of a super feminine girl being called by masculine terms. to me. we're continuing the legacy set by my hero naoto shirogane bigender queeng. bigender kin. bigender genderneutral non-monarchical ruler

i think by third sem girl akechi is starting to dress more androgynously/masculinely. more pants. i think her third sem outfit is unchanged from canon. just a smart coat, sweater, buttondown, slacks. postcanon she gets a haircut.

just trying to live an honest student life

ren is like so fundamentallyuncomfortable with the fact of his existence at the beginning of canon so to me girlren is like... she dresses like she's trying to hide in her clothes. messy hair. i have no strong feelings about whetehr her hair should be long or short, or whether it's loose or pulled into a tail, but i know it's messsy. untamed curls. and she uses it to hide her face. none of her clothes fit. she's in oversized everything. i have a very clear image in my head of a ren idle animation where she leans down to pull up her leggings because they keep falling down. she also has terrible posture. she's androgynous at this stage not on purpose but because she's too self conscious to like... exist... and present... in any notable way at all

i think as she gets more confident and as the year progresses she starts to dress more distinctively. i like the idea of her getting more comfortable prettying up. maybe working at crossroads helps her with this 🤔 i dont know how to explain this but i think she's still feminine in a gentlemanly chivalrous way rather than a girly cute way. girlren has that same steady calming vibe that guy ren does

joker & crow

crow has a magical girl skirt. i have a drawing of this but im too self conscious about my own lack of drawing skill to show it off so i cropped out the key part and put it into an ms paint void in the distance as my visual aid

there. i hope this is illustrative

i think given girl akechi's use of her feminine charms to gain popularity, her hero complex would be similarly gendered given we have confirmation that robin hood represents not (only) heroics for altruistic reasons but also the theatre of being seen doing good. there's a real drama element to the idea of a magical girl transformation that i honestly wish we got for male crow too. i always am depressed that we don't get to see much theatre for akechi's initial appearance as crow and summoning of robin hood, anyway, girlcrow has ribbons and a capelet that flap in non-existent wind.

black mask's outfit is unchanged from canon. i'd like it to look a little less stupid but that has nothing to do with gender i just want it to look a little less stupid.

joker's outfit is also unchanged from canon. listen. im back on my bullshit. in the metaverse her behaviour gets more feminine and more sly and confident than in reality. she's got that femme fatale shit going on. however, she is still a gentleman thief. she has the long coat. she has the poofy trousers. she has the waistcoat. she's still smirking and fixing her gloves and flipping her knife and doing that thing that canon ren does where he lifts his chin and does the little "come on" thing with her fingers. do you understand? do you understand me

[rockybloo]

do you happen to have any aro and/or asexual spectrum characters? Literally out of pure curiosity

Putris is the only one coming to mind who doesn't want any romance of any sort because they find no interest in it...and the conditions of their reanimation makes me uncomfortable with the idea of pairing them with anyone.

There's also Nana who is demisexual. It takes her a good while to warm up to Jack and she only started to catch feelings after being friends with him for a bit.

But besides those two, I don't really have any OCs I can say with my whole chest are aro or on the asexuality spectrum.

[yandere-daydreams]

sup do ya have a ranking for your husbands and wives

the exact rankings are prone to change but you get the broad strokes. also separate lists bc the guys would get absolutely decimated if they were lumped together and i don't think my awful husbands deserve that kind of negativity.

wives:

5) grell sutcliff of black butler fame. i think about her at least once a day. particularly her monologue from the atlantic arc. it did things to me.

4) childe

3) mrs. yor forger my beloved,, i know i don't talk about her a lot but i am constant kicking my feet and giggling whenever she's on screen,,, if loid was not also a yor stan i would hate him with an unspeakable passion

2) ganyu <3 <3 <3 i'm so sorry to have betrayed her this way but she is still very dear to me T-T

1) FURINA FURINA FURINA FURINA F̵̛̘̔̀̽̌̒̔͐͗̈́̏̈͠Ȕ̶̡̧̡̦͎̖̬͇̜̠̹̼̂̃͗͛̎̉̈̐͒̏̔̉͊̏R̶͍̥̱̂͑̒Į̸̧̢̢̨͔͕̝̖̺̱̼͓̅͌N̷̥͇̹̺̟̮̠̩̹̮̊͒͂̊̃̒͛͊̋̈́̈͆͝A̵̻̹͍̪͍̺͍̩̮̤̩̗̿̀͐̈̾͜

husbands:

5) gojo (*a crowd boos somewhere in the distance*). this wasn't supposed to happen but he's just SO annoying and SO pretty and i want to put him in a blender. sigh.

4) that one medicine vendor from mononoke. our time together was brief but he truly has such a stranglehold on my daily life it's actually sickening.

3) baizhubaizhubaizhubaizhu <3 <3 <3 <3 i honestly didn't like him that much when he first game out, but his story quest and his crop top won me over. medical malpractice once again reigns supreme.

2) illumi my beloved <3 <3 he gets points for having the sluttiest waist i've ever seen but loses them bc i think he'd kill me without hesitation but gains them back bc he seems especially breedable.

1) MR. BABYGIRL SUPREME GETO SUGURU HIMSELF!!! what can i say. he fathered so hard he mothered and i love a man with a creative outlet (or a cult, whatever). sorry about all the murders ig. god forbid a woman do anything in this world.

[ebonytails]

maybe im just dumb but what is the difference between kris p and kris t?

TL;DR - They are Kris Dreemurr fictives and we needed a way to differentiate them

Oh you're not dumb, don't worry! It really is a little confusing because we haven't talked about who they or we are in a very long time. I'm going to talk a lot here so you have all the context you might need! If it''s too long,, the TL;DR above is the gist of it.

For context, we are a system! You can read about it a little in our FAQ

Kris T and Kris P are TWO Kris introjects/fictives of Kris Dreemurr from Deltarune in our system.

Originally we just had Kris T who split in Dec 2018, and then when Chapter 2 came out, Kris P came into our system after that. Of course at first, Kris T. was just "Kris", but since we had a double now, we had to figure out how to differentiate between the two. We knew another Kris fictive from a different system at this time who was nicknamed P. Kris by Susie in our system, and susie wanted to emphasize who she was talking about.

SO. As a small nod to that, everyone decided to nickname Kris P as Kris P, as an inverse of P. Kris.

A little convoluted, I know!

Besides being Kris introjects/fictives though, they also look different! I made some new drawings to try and showcase their differences if that helps :3?

Their dark world forms also look different. Kris T's is simpler, with a shiny soft cape, while Kris P's is more complicated with a hooded cape, which is also described as "very comfortable"

Here's a whole Toyhouse of images of how Kris T. looks like right now! There's also his reference ! vvv

Sorry if you weren't interested in our "life story"! They're not just random characterizations (they are alters), so I wasn't sure how to answer w/o giving you some sort of explanation.

They have their own sideblogs, so if you have specific questions directed towards them, you can always ask here because we'll see it better, or you can send them an ask in their own blogs. Kris T's is @kristalpepsi, and Kris P's is @itswhattheycallyou

[bumblingbabooshka]

Cursed but funny: Tuvok transitions... and so does T'Pel. They are still straight, just t4t about it

Alternatively: Tuvok and T'Pel are both bigender and they take turns so there's always a wife and a husband, it just varies who's who

Incorrect! Bigender/Trans Tuvok is not cursed at all and is in fact a blessed image, sight, thought etc v_v Please rise and salute Mz Vulcan!!!! That IS undoubtedly a funny scenario though - they are forever destined to be Husband & Wife. Imagine worrying for several years that your wife might leave you for being trans and then you meet with her again and she's your husband and the only thing that changes is you're HIS wife now. This is T'Vok's life.

[our-lesboy-experience]

i recently got yelled at in public by some bigot who accused me of being gay based on appearance and afterwards something i couldn't stop thinking is how little the difference between homophobia and transphobia is in my personal life. it mostly manifests as Here's A Person With Strange Sexuality/Gender Energy, Let's Judge! and idk... would saying i'm actually just a straight, non-passing trans guy stop the homophobia from happening? no! what about telling transphobes i'm actually just a he/him lesbian but claim i'm just cis with Pronouns, would that stop the transphobia? also no! idk just. homophobia and transphobia can be very different for some but they can often feel the same to me and that's my very tired lesboy experience. unless i start presenting as a feminine heterosexual woman, which would Hurt Me, i am going to continue to experience shades of both homophobia and transphobia.

and that's something people who are against lesboys completely forget out or choose to ignore- we're largely trans people and experience homophobia from people. they're so focused on "a guy that's attracted to women?? that's straight! they're straight men claiming to be lesbian, they're privileged!" when so many of us may experience homophobia in our daily lives for being attracted to women. and at times they KNOW we're trans, largely trans men, but still treat us like we're those privileged cishets trying to invade their community. and I gotta say, if you want us to identify as straight so bad, maybe treat transhets better? like it's so obvious how they think of straight trans people with the way they talk about lesboys

[hypogryffin]

i cant believe i wasn't following u b4,,,,,ive just been silently scrolling through your blog for like a solid YEAR and just haven't even noticed????? n e ways what are tha thoughts on literally anyone in p4 being trans bc i live for that 🎤

the way my brain decided that this was asking for pronoun headcanons and did not reread to make sure that was what you were asking before drawing all of this…... well anyways