#ask Perrie

[agender-wolfie]

This is my annual “thank you for making posts about Simon Riley because I didn’t have him or COD on my radar - or my dash 😞😞😩😩 - prior to coming across your tumblr and exploring what you had on it.” I didn’t know what I was missing and I never want to go backkkkkkk 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

Could I kindly ask you for any other thoughts you have regarding Simon and the rest of the 141?

Aww! Well thank you so much! ☺️ And yes. Once you’ve experienced Simon, you can never go back lmao

As for Simon and the rest of the 141, here are some little headcanons of mine for them

Simon: He absolutely gifts you the oddest things because they “reminded me of you” like he will find you rocks, little flowers growing in the sidewalk cracks, a dead bug, enamel pins, leaves, stickers, anything that’s your favorite color, etc. He will get all giddy inside on his way home with his treasures because he can’t wait to show them to you and see your reaction. He explodes internally when you express how much you love them and how thoughtful he is.

He just toes the ground with his hands in his pockets and keeps his head down while trying to hide his blush. “It’s nothing, love” But it’s most definitely not nothing when you give him the biggest bear hug and he reciprocates and melts into you.

Price: This man is a sucker for being pampered. He actually doesn’t even realize it until you come along. He was always used to taking care of others and being the “Big strong captain” that the thought of the same being done for him never entered his mind.

Then one day early in your relationship, he comes home tired as a dog and aching all over just to inhale the smell of a home cooked meal and hearing you humming in the kitchen. He walks up and hugs you from behind asking “ What’s all this, darling?” You then explain to him that you know he’s been working so hard and you wanted to take care of him the same way he takes care of you. You also let him know that you’ve made dessert and laid out some comfy clothes for after his shower. No, his eyes are not getting watery. You must’ve been cutting onions or something.

Soap: He loves how well you get along with his family. His Nan absolutely LOVES you and is constantly pestering him on when he’s gonna finally propose. All his little cousins flock to you at family gatherings as well and you’re friendly and personable with everyone, almost like you’ve known them for years.

He’s just so happy and proud that he’s found someone who meshes so well with the other loved ones in his life. His Nan is right. But that little box is going to stay in his underwear drawer for a little while longer until he finds the perfect moment to ask you to be his.

Gaz: He loves going for walks with you, doesn’t even matter where it is. But his favorites are parks, festivals and about town while you’re shopping or going out to eat.

He loves to show you things while on your walks like this cool leaf he found or the ducks in the pond. He will also show you cool things he finds while y’all are out shopping. Like a chandelier that looks like an octopus. (You both get it btw because duh. It’s an octopus chandelier) He just loves spending time with you and making memories that he holds near and dear to his heart.

[bruciemilf]

Need a teen! Bruce au where he’s exactly like Justice League! Batman and Battinson in one. That mf put the fear of every god in Ra’s Al Ghul.

Everytime he’s in a room with someone over 30 “Teenagers” by My Chemical Romance plays in the background.

Despite that, in his own way, he’s as gentle as can be with his league. Give me a young Diana who’s getting spat on and ripped apart by the media in a way not one of her male teammates get.

And she’s Wonder Woman. She shouldn’t be affected by it. And she is, anyway. Bruce relates to that in an uncomfortable degree.

“When I first became Batman, weak men tried standing in my way, too. “

“And what did you do?”

“I stepped over them.”

He has a tiny Robin he occasionally has to keep on a leash.

Give me somewhat teen mom Bruce who struggles to wrangle his unruly six year old who likes flipping from rooftop to rooftop and thinks fighting Bane is a piece of cake.

“If Tati can do it, so can I!”

“Dick,” he paused, before handing him a handfull of candy. “Wonderful emotional manipulation. Good job.”

“:D”

[noodles-and-tea]

as someone so autistic they have a giant Perry tattoo on their leg and an unrelenting adoration of Stanley Pines, your crossover art with pnf and gf make me cry!! you are so talented and it's just such a beautiful style you have!!

Thank you so much!!!!

[askhumanperrytheplatypus]

No, I don’t think she knows. She’s too busy focusing on my love life (nonexistent love life). Stacy’s fine.

[chio-chan2artbox]

Step Forward - Part 3 They are going on a date!!! Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 Check out my tags for fun facts XD

Kofi

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for setting traps for a family friend's pet?

I'm an inventor/electronic engineer by trade, and my inventions are very expensive and usually somewhat fragile, but a friend of my daughter's has a pet that keeps getting into my apartment and damaging them (knocking them over, knocking stuff onto them, pushing buttons to cause malfunctions, etc.) It's really hurting my livelihood.

So, I decided to set traps for it. Just non-lethal stuff — no poison or anything like that, mostly just various boxes and cages to keep it away from my inventions. But my daughter doesn't seem to approve.

AITA?

(Context: I'm 47M. Pet is platypus, 6)

What are these acronyms?

[agentlizardofowca]

"Bubbles"

May I get a drabble about Perry having to kiss Heinz to either protect his identity or just keep Heinz quiet?

Thanks for reading! Feel free to delete for whatever reason ♡

Hiiiii, Thanks for the nice asks and thank you for your patience. That time Perry and Doofenshmirtz bumped into Major Monogram and Carl in the supermarket was bad enough. Now, imagine Perry’s frustration when Heinz dragged him along to the supermarket again, this time to buy nougat and toothpaste. He was just minding his own business, trying to convince Heinz to buy a nicer shampoo than the cheapest one, and reading the ingredients on a bottle when a very familiar voice rang out behind him.

“Perry?” 

It was Linda.

Perry turned, lightning-quick, and came face to face with Linda and Candace, who were looking at him in surprise. 

“Hi.” She continued, eyeing him up and down in his work outfit. “My, don’t you look professional today.” 

He barely had enough time to do a nervous little wave before Heinz caught on to the conversation behind him, and he turned.

“Perry? Do you know these people?” Heinz asked, and Perry turned to him vaguely aware that he was PANICKING. NOT GOOD. HEINZ AND FAMILY. BAD. VERY BAD.

“Hello?” Linda said politely. “Do you know Perry?” 

Candace hadn’t seemed interested in the situation initially, but her uncle didn’t seem to know anybody. Him being in the supermarket with a stranger was perhaps the most exciting thing Perry had ever done in his miserable and boring life.

“Do I know Perry?” Heinz repeated thoughtfully, unaware that his nemesis had stopped breathing. “Yeah, of course I do.”

“Oh, well. Nice to meet you,” Linda said, extending one hand for Heinz to shake. “Although.” She looked at Heinz curiously. “Have we met before?”

Heinz accepted the gesture and shook Linda’s hand. “I have to be super honest with you. I am horrible with faces.” He explained. “I even forget Perry’s face sometimes. Only very rarely! But it has happened once or twice.

Despite his shock, Perry couldn’t help but crack a little smile. One of twice, his secretive ass.

“And how do you know Perry?” Linda asked conversationally, but she and her daughter both had matching curious expressions.

“Oh, you know,” Heinz explained happily, not aware that was was about to ruin Perry’s life forever. “Perry the Platypus is my secret-” Agent. The next word was going to be agent, Perry realized. He had to do something and he had to do something NOW! There was no time for a plan, he had to act. So, Perry prepared himself and followed his instincts.

Perry jolted as he suddenly sprang to action as if he had been shocked by a bolt of lightning. With both hands, he grabbed Heinz’s face, pulled him down to his level and firmly and confidently smushed their mouths together right there in the middle of the super food stuff mart.

In a sudden wave of clarity, Perry remembered that sometimes INSTINCT. BAD. Like right now. There he was, mouth to mouth with his nemesis with no further plan. He could release Heinz, but then there would be many, many questions from Candace, Linda AND HEINZ.

So, since his instinct got him into this mess, his instinct could get him out.

Still kissing, Perry dragged Heinz around the corner to the next aisle, leaving Candace and Linda right there. 

Stupified, they watched him go.

Over in the deodorant aisle, Perry released Heinz’s lips with a smack and placed him upright as Heinz stammered and stumbled, too confused by everything to speak coherently.

“I- eeh? Oh? Uh! aa.” He exclaimed.

Perry took Heinz by his slanted shoulders and shook him lightly.

“This is the weirdest dream I’ve had since that time I dreamt a tiny alien force-fed me watermelons. No. Wait. This is still stranger. Perry the platypus what was that about?!”

At least Heinz seemed to be coming back to his senses. Perry, unsure of how to explain, dug through his pockets and pulled out a pamphlet with the title “So you’ve found out your uncle is a secret agent. What now?” and pushed it into Heinz’s hand. 「Read that.」And off he went, back to the toothpaste aisle.

Linda and Candace were exactly where he had left them. Their mouths were still vaguely open in shock.

Perry smiled as innocently as he could as he jogged up to them. 「Whoopie」 He gestured at them.

Linda stared at his hands and blinked. “Whoopsie?” she repeated.

“What did you just do?!” Candace shouted. “And with him!” she gestured at the end of the aisle, where he had dragged Doof off to.

「Couldn’t help myself.」 Perry replied hysterically. 「What a stud, right?」

“... Right,” Linda replied, confused but supportive.

“NO!” Candace replied, because she was 15, always honest, and convinced something was wrong with Perry.

「Got to go!」Before he left, he grabbed a tube of toothpaste, and then he ran. Luckily for him, they didn’t even try to follow him.

Heinz was still busy reading the pamphlet when Perry returned and snatched it back. He presented him with the toothpaste, forced him into the next aisle, and refused to explain anything.

By the time he returned home to the Flynn-Fletcher residency, Perry was exhausted. But when he stepped into the kitchen he came face to face with Lawrence and Linda, who seemed to have been waiting for him.

“Oh, there you are Perry,” Linda said, and she turned to him. “Me and Lawrence are a bit worried about you.”

[demonic0angel]

lol this is so dumb but can you please do one where Danny works with Dr. Doofenshmirtz to make a stolen hoodie inator since his keep going missing.

(LMAO)

Part 1

“Hello, Dr. Doofenshmirtz,” Danny said, stepping into his Evil Incorporated building. “I need your help.”

“Oh! Danny!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said with a delighted tone. “How have you been! Is Dan still being evil?”

“Uhh… yes. He stole ice cream from me yesterday and then broke all of the bones of three guys while on patrol.”

Dr. Doofenshmirtz blinked. Then he said, “Wow, that guy is intense.” He shook his head and then asked, “What did you need help with? Do you need an Inator for something?”

Danny nodded. “Yes, actually. My hoodies are being stolen by someone and I want to know who. Could you make a Find-a-Hoodie-Inator or something? To find my hoodies?”

Dr. Doofenshmirtz hummed. “I’ll see what I can do! Sit, sit. How is Jazz? Vanessa wants to see her again.”

Danny smiled and then they made small talk as Dr. Doofenshmirtz built the Inator. At the end, he asked, “I need one of your hoodies for the Find-a-Hoodie-Inator.”

Danny carefully handed over one of his last hoodies.

Just as Dr. Doofenshmirtz was about to put the hoodie into the machine, the door was knocked upon.

Danny blinked. “Uhh. I’ll get the door.” As he approached, he suddenly had a very bad feeling.

When he opened the door, it was to Cassandra Wayne holding a platypus, with a duffel bag hanging on her arm.

Danny blushed. How did his crush know that he was here?? “C-Cass! And a platypus?”

He blinked and suddenly, both Cass and the platypus were gone. Instead, there was Orphan and a super secret agent.

“What the—?! Where did Cass go?!”

Orphan immediately tied him up with rope and the secret agent parkoured inside to defeat Dr. Doofenshmirtz and his Find-a-Hoodie-Inator, who screamed, “Perry the Platypus?!” as he was soundly defeated. Danny groaned at the sight of it. His poor hoodies.

Now he was never going to find them!

Orphan patted his head and then stepped over his tied up body to grab the hoodie that he had given to Dr. Doofenshmirtz. She took it carefully, hummed once, and then came back to Danny’s limp body. Then she dropped a duffel bag on top of him.

Danny blinked. When she released him, she and Perry the Platypus then darted out of the window with grappling hooks, having completed their mission of taking down the Inator for the day.

Danny stared out the window in confusion.

Then he opened the duffel bag.

It was his hoodies.

“What the fuck?!?”

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

Perryshmirtz

Perryshmirtz?

*gasp*

Perry the Perryshmirtz!!

[frownyalfred]

We talk about Jim Gordon *basically* knowing Batman is Bruce Wayne. Do you think Perry White has a similar knowledge of Clark Kent as Superman? Or is he oblivious and thinks Clark is rlly just that flighty

I find this a really fascinating question. I've always wanted to write a fic where it's just the two of them commiserating over coffee or cigarettes together, trying to stand in solidarity with their respective vigilantes without giving it away.

But whenever my mind travels down that path, I remember these are both very intelligent men whose literal jobs are to know the truth, to seek it out and break it down to the most granular details. There are very few things they don't know that they aren't consciously holding themselves back from.

They might know who Batman and Superman are out of the suit, but they don't want to know. They hold it just outside of their conscious beliefs, because to invite that kind of realization in means confronting the reality every day: they know who Batman is, who Superman is. That's a devastating secret. It burns at you when you hold it. It begs to be shared. It begs to be buried.

The greatest gift they can give Bruce and Clark (and themselves, to be honest) is pretending they don't know. But pretending you don't know something comes with its own drawbacks. They can't cover for you as well if they're pretending they don't know what they're covering for in the first place.

But yes. Beneath Perry's bluster, and Jim's gruff indifference, there are two very smart men trying to help as much as they can without driving themselves insane. So they nudge where they can, make excuses where it's plausible, and try to continue onward with this secret burning between their hands.

[yvnziee]

you wouldn’t be anywhere near comprehending my dreams to understand how i got to this point in life—drawing grown warriors—afraid of a platypus—clinging onto princesses

[agender-wolfie]

Ive just recently downloaded fictif and im liking the experience, but i know nothing about the context of the company or anything. I saw your post bashing out against nix hydra, would you mind explaining that to me? Thanks in advance!

Whoo here it goes. So the short version is that the prior company Nix Hydra had its own problems with diversity, not actually being woman owned as well as many other issues that you can find in the tags. But overall was pretty good. Then they went bankrupt and decided to sell both apps and the rights to the characters to shitty twitter girlies with their own app called Dorian.

The other awful part about this was that there would be no new content; you’d have to create the stories yourself. All the stories that are unfinished will stay unfinished. Unless of course you want to use their crappy app to make fan fiction, none of it will be canon. They abandoned Fictif and are focusing solely on how much money they can squeeze out of the Arcana without actually putting in any of the work. Dorian is filled with nothing but money hungry parasites.

[dailytraingirl]

“he is half my soul, as the poets say.”

[y-a-w-p]

Date idea!! We both watch dead poets society and cry

[askhumanperrytheplatypus]

Actually....

[chio-chan2artbox]

Requests ✌🏻

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