#aside from like vague mentions of shifting experiences…

[rika-mmendmethings]

Interdimensional Epiphany l Rafayel

CHAPTER 3

Chapter 2 | Chapter 4

Summary: A fortnight of compensated leave from your company was supposed to be a rejuvenating experience. Things take an unexpected turn when Rafayel, your choice of ML, starts becoming self-aware. His love knows no bounds, not even interdimensional ones.

Warning(s): Subject to change as we progress further into the story. The series has major character deaths, subdued manipulation, heavy angst with a happy(?) ending, slight yandere themes, fluff, did I mention angst? For this chapter, obsession, yearning (I'm so bad at tagging send help)

Word count: 1.7k

Playlist coming soon.

Notes: The schedule for this series and Against Blood & Water has been switched, so new chapter every Thursday from now! This chapter is shorter because I got hit by writing block so forgive me y'all but the next one is about to be BIG big. Keep in mind, that as cute and a total man-child Rafayel is; he can also be vengeful and undeterred from what we've seen in his anecdotes. If you feel that this is too serious for him, then you simply need a better understanding of the red-flag side of Rafayel shown in some parts of the game. This story circles partially around that side of his as well, so I don't feel it should be that much uncharacteristic. Mikayla is the name of the mc in this fic and aside from Rafayel no-one else is aware of being a video game character. Anyways, hopefully you enjoy the read and stay tuned for the series. Lmk if you wish to be added to the tag list for this. ♥

Taglist: @loveanddeephistory @ittybittyfanblog @lyssandraxo @micasosa34 @hyein21 @browneyedgirl22 @yournextdoorhousewitch @blessdunrest @altair718 @3fg7 @froleineeeee @mikachux3 @aiehtta @beaconsxd @poptrim @animecrazy76 @zackenblacken @rainycreationfart @invaderzia1 @his-ocean-emissary

In a dimly lit studio, Rafayel sits at his easel, brush in hand, but his attention is far from the canvas. The strokes he makes are erratic and disconnected, as though his mind is somewhere else entirely — which it is. The woman he intends to paint — you — the one who occupies his every thought, is not physically there, but your image fills every canvas in the room. He knows your face in the details of his daydreams and in the short time he sees you — the cupid bow of your lips, the way your hair cascades like a waterfall around your face, the rounded curve of your eyes. But today, he’s not interested in accuracy.

The paint smudges onto the canvas, a blur of colors that vaguely resemble a figure, but nothing more. A quick swipe of cerulean blue for a dress, a few scattered strokes of brown for your hair, but nothing to capture the essence of who you are, only the feeling of you. His movements are slow, almost hesitant as if he’s trying to pull you out of his thoughts and into reality but struggling against the weight of his emotions.

His gaze drifts away from the painting, shifting toward the other canvases scattered across the room. Most of them are carefully hung on the walls, and when the walls can no longer accommodate the overflow, he places the remaining canvases on the floor, ensuring that each one remains visible. They all share a single, unifying theme: they are all portraits of you.

He turns his attention back to the canvas before him. It is yet another depiction of you, this time in a flowing cerulean dress, your feet gently immersed in waters that conceal his hidden sanctuary beneath. The image is a reflection of his vision—an idealized representation of the subject that has so recently overtaken his thoughts, dreams, canvases, and heart.

You look like the sparkles of the ocean on an early summer morning.

He raises his hand slowly, still lost in reverie, his fingers lightly grazing your painted figure with a tenderness that has always eluded him. He fantasizes about what it would be like to stand beside you, to kiss the radiant smiles from your lips in the hope of capturing even a fraction of your boundless joy.

There is no urgency in his movements as he attempts to translate the depth of his emotions onto the canvas. You are not meant to be confined within the boundaries of this frame; you are meant to be with him, to be by his side.

His dusky eyes shift to a vivid ultramarine blue, and glowing scales of the same hue begin to emerge along his cheekbones and neck. With deliberate slowness, he leans in and presses a lingering kiss to the canvas, as though the paint could somehow hold the essence of your lips.

He had waited all of yesterday, but not once did you "log in." In the end, he didn’t get the chance to see your face. His longing turned to frustration, which poured itself out onto the multiple canvases now scattered around him. He had painted in a frenzy, driven by a sense of hysteria, but as time wore on and the number of filled canvases grew, his heart sank deeper into an overwhelming sadness. The prolonged distance from you forced him to confront the bitter reality that you existed in a world entirely different from his own, and that he was, at best, a fleeting interest to you.

He yearned to bridge the chasm between your worlds.

Determined, he rose from his seat, deciding to visit Destiny Cafe once more, hoping that today, perhaps, you'd logged in.

He washed the dried paint from his hands and stepped out of his studio. As he opened the door, he was met with the sight of Mikayla standing on the other side, her fist raised mid-knock. He briefly searched his memory, trying to recall if they'd planned something for today, but her voice cut through his thoughts.

"I know you’re surprised, Rafayel. I wanted to surprise you since I didn’t have anything keeping me tied to my desk today, so here I am." She gestured dramatically, flashing him a grin. "Surprise!"

He frowned, replying half-heartedly, "While I appreciate the gesture, MC... I really have urgent matters to attend to right now. Can we do this another time?"

She planted her hands on her hips, her tone tinged with mockery. "What? Since when did you start getting busy?"

His fingers twitched involuntarily, a fleeting desire to draw his dagger against her rising but that’d mean going against his well-laid plans to resurrect Lemuria… He couldn’t afford that.

"Well, since now," he snapped, his words sharp as he pushed past her, his impatience evident. "So if you’ll excuse me, I really must be going." And with that, he made his way toward Destiny Cafe, the door swinging shut behind him.

You tapped impatiently at the loading screen of the game, settling deeper into the warmth of your armchair. As the screen flickered to life, you were greeted by the sight of a clearly frantic Rafayel, who seemed to instantly calm the moment his gaze fell on you. Before you could even blink, he broke the silence.

“Where were you?” His voice carried a subtle edge of barely concealed concern. You noticed that his words didn’t show up in the speech bubble again.

You exhaled a soft, amused sound, mildly impressed by the devs' decision to enhance the game's interactions with features like these to ensure players didn't miss a day. Deciding to humor the thought, you spoke aloud, as though addressing no one in particular, “My friends from college showed up yesterday and whisked me away on a spontaneous girls' trip. I didn't even get a chance to pack. Ended up buying a few clothes while we were there. The whole day was a whirlwind, and I barely had time to log in for my daily rewards or stamina. So, that’s that."

You watched him nod slowly in response, though you couldn't help but chuckle at the thought that he might actually understand what you meant.

Just then, your phone buzzed with a message from him. You quickly opened it and found yourself momentarily stunned by what you saw.

Sushi nom nom: Maybe you could let me know next time...?

You blinked once. Then twice. Your jaw practically hit the floor. Staring at the message, you couldn’t quite process what you were reading. What caught your attention next was the absence of the usual three automated replies you'd get from him. When you tapped the text box to reply, it opened with an actual cursor, something that had never happened before. You briefly wondered if this was a result of recently maxing out his affinity. It was the only logical explanation, after all.

Still dazed, you responded with a simple thumbs-up, then closed his chat window — only to be greeted by yet another unexpected surprise. None of the other characters’ chat boxes appeared in your messages. There were old, programmed messages from Twinkle Toys, Tara, and Linkon City Hall, but nothing from any of the other leads. You switched between the tabs — the calls, then the moments posts — but none of their accounts were visible.

Frustrated, you returned to Destiny Cafe and screamed aloud when you opened the memories tab. There weren’t even options for the other characters in the header. You had wasted so much money to obtain Beyond Cloudfall and rank it up, only for it all to disappear. You checked everything — Playtime, Deepspace Trials — but it was as if the other four characters had vanished into thin air. The only character left was Rafayel.

You went back to Destiny Cafe’s interface, and there he was, sitting on the armchair, inspecting his nails with an air of casual aloofness. A hundred questions flooded your mind: How? Why? Did the game glitch? You shook off the storm of thoughts, taking a deep breath before setting your phone face down on the plush fabric of your armchair. After a few seconds of holding your breath, you exhaled and picked your phone back up. You checked the memories tab again. Nothing. There was no change. The only option available was Rafayel.

Listless, you returned to the home screen, but then Rafayel’s voice sliced through the silence.

“What? You thought putting your phone down for a while would bring them back?”

You froze completely. The only sign that you were alive was the occasional fluttering of your eyelids. Rafayel stood up from the armchair and walked toward the screen, hands stuffed in his pockets. He outright smirked, leaning forward as he stated, “They’re gone for good. All that’s left of them is nothing. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Niente.”

He didn’t even look sorry as he said it, and right now, that was the least of your concerns. You subconsciously noted the lack of his speech bubble or captions once again. 

This was it. The mod you had downloaded back in your early Love and Deep Space phase, driven by the greed of securing an unlimited supply of red dias and crystals, was finally catching up with you. The consequences were here. Your phone had been hacked.

"Shocker, hm?"

His voice broke the silence, and you instinctively dropped your phone, watching it clatter onto the table. Without thinking, you dove under your blanket, burying yourself in its soft folds, seeking some semblance of comfort, some escape from the growing dread. You stayed hidden for what felt like an eternity, ten minutes at least, before you dared to peek out, your eyes slowly lifting to glance at your phone.

Rafayel’s lips curled into a faint smile as he observed your wide eyes, the disheveled state of your hair sticking out in all directions from the static electricity. He didn’t even bother to mask the amusement in his gaze.

"Adorable," he remarked with a smirk, clearly relishing the flustered expression on your face.

You sank deeper into your armchair, burying your face in your hands in a futile attempt to shield yourself from the absurdity of it all. Here you were, trapped in a situation you couldn't even begin to comprehend, and still, you couldn't shake the fact that you were being charmed by a 2D character — a handsome, fictional man who didn’t even exist... or did he?

Maybe it was better for your brain to get fried every Friday than dealing with whatever this was. And here you thought your compensated leave time was going too good to be true…

Check out my other works if you liked this ♥

[ddarker-dreams]

Understatement.

Wanderer x Reader.

Warnings: None. Word count: 1.2k.

Your bag carries plenty of essentials. 

Stationery, lip balm, keys to your apartment; stuff of that nature. Then there’s your personal favorite, a wallet embroidered with dandelions — your hometown’s flower — into the fabric. It’d been sent to you without a return address on your birthday, shrouding the gifter in mystery. All of these items accompany you on a day-to-day basis. 

That aside, this list has another unifying factor. Each object is inert. Completely still. Incapable of moving without an outside force. Now, this isn’t a revelation that’ll shift society and be recorded in history books for generations to come. It’s common sense. A concept children grasp before they even know what ‘gravity’ is. 

As for why you’re taking a lengthy mental inventory of your belongings… 

Well. 

Something in there is moving. Rustling about, the vague outline of its body pressing against the aged leather. 

Your response is slow. Cautious. You begin by pushing yourself away from your desk, creating distance between you and this potential threat. The Vision fastened along your waistband thrums, ready to act. Numerous theories whir around your mind like a sandstorm. Is this a prank in poor taste? Cyno had mentioned an investigation into scarabs being placed in student’s bags, although nothing serious had come from it. Maybe it’s a gadget or some elemental reaction— 

—Your cognition grinds to a halt when a head pokes out, undoing the bag’s clasp in the process. 

…

…

…

“Oh!” The creature exclaims while freeing itself. “Um… hi!” 

The room’s natural lighting gives you a better idea of the creature’s appearance. Its wings keep it suspended midair, each enthusiastic flap scattering your notes. Large, doe-like eyes consider you, gleaming with childlike curiosity. If not for the prominent horns atop its head, you might think it’s a bat, but that classification doesn’t quite fit. 

Whatever it is, you sense no hostility. 

“Hello,” is your hesitant reply. 

It looks around, fixating on the items displaced from your desk. 

“Ack, I’m sorry,” it apologizes. It lands carefully on your desk and lowers its head, as if ashamed. “I didn’t mean to make such a mess… I’ve just been excited to meet you.” 

“Don’t worry, this is nothing. I’ve been meaning to reorganize my stuff, anyway.” 

For some reason, you can’t find it within you to fault this seemingly well-meaning yet clumsy guest. Its naivete is reminiscent of a certain explosion-obsessed girl from back home. In truth, this entire ordeal doesn’t even breach the top five strangest experiences you’ve had in recent times. 

… Alright, perhaps it’s a contender for the fourth slot. 

Suddenly, your guest straightens up. “Wait! I haven’t introduced myself yet. We can’t be friends if I haven’t introduced myself… you can call me Mini Durin. And I already know your name. You’re [First].” 

“Yeah, that’d be me,” you cover a budding smile with your hand, not wanting your giddy guest to mistake it for mockery. “So, Mini Durin… you said you’ve been wanting to meet me? Why’s that?”

Mini Durin ambles his way toward the edge of your desk. 

“You’re important to my first friend,” he declares. “At least I think so. He only has the nicest things to say about you, like how you’re not ‘as insufferable as most,’ and that ‘your presence is tolerable.’” 

That’s what Mini Durin considers ‘the nicest things’ to say about someone…?! 

The conviction with which he speaks affirms his sincerity. 

“It sounds like you trust this friend a great deal.” 

Mini Durin nods. “I do. That’s how I ended up in your bag… I got separated from him earlier. Luckily, I spotted you. I knew you’d keep me safe. And now we even get to be friends!” 

That explains why your bag felt heavier coming home than when you left. 

“You got separated from him?” Frowning, you scoot your chair closer. “Where at? We can go looking for him, if you want. He must be worried.” 

“Oh. I didn’t think about that.” 

Mini Durin mulls over your offer for a few seconds, adding, “What if he’s mad at me? He was working hard on another gift for you, but I went and distracted him.” 

“Friends can sort stuff like this out,” you reassure. Then, a pause. “Huh. Did you say ‘another gift?’” 

Mini Durin tilts his head. “You didn’t know? The pretty flowers on your—” 

A rapid knock on your door cuts him off. 

You both turn your attention toward the booming sound. Huffing, you cross your arms over your chest. It’s late in the evening, who in their right mind would treat your front door like a drum? You shoot your unexpected guest an apologetic look, promising a swift return.

Some choice words sizzle on your tongue as you swing the door open, only to be met by an equally irate figure. 

Your eccentric classmate, the Wanderer, stands before you. There’s a slight flush to his cheeks like he’s been physically exerting himself. The telltale sign of Anemo settles down around him, his hat reappearing in the process. He soon mirrors your exasperated posture, one hand on his hip, the other readjusting the brim of his hat. 

“I could’ve flown to Inazuma and back in the time it took you to answer,” is the courteous greeting he goes for. 

“Hello to you too,” you greet. “Was there something you needed? Or are you just making your debut as a percussionist known to the entire nation?”

He rolls his eyes. “Of course there’s something I ‘need’, genius.” 

“And what would that be?” 

“I’m looking for a small, talking dragon,” the Wanderer deadpans. “Ring any bells?” 

You blink. “Are you referring to Mini Durin?” 

“Just how many dragons are you acquainted with?” 

“I mean, I am from Mondstadt,” you shrug. A realization then creeps up on you. “Hold on. Does that make you this ‘first friend’ I’ve heard so much about?” 

The Wanderer freezes. You observe as he processes this information in real-time, along with the implications that come with it. Though his muscles are tense, he keeps his visage impassive. The occasional twitch of his eye is the only detail betraying his panic. 

“... On second thought, you can keep him.” 

He swivels on his heel to make a hasty retreat. 

You lurch forward without thinking, your hand latching around his wrist. He snaps his head around to meet your gaze, almost knocking you over with his hat in the process. A well-timed dodge protects you from the potential headache. In the light of the setting sun, the Wanderer’s porcelain complexion is dyed in crimson hues. Though he’s maintaining eye contact, something tells you it’s a struggle. 

“Hey,” you use your free hand to poke his flushed cheeks, to which he grimaces and bats at it like a cat. “Come inside. I’ll make up some of that awful, bitter tasting tea you like.” 

He inhales through his teeth, likely weighing various excuses. You bat your eyelashes and offer your brightest smile. As the seconds pass by, you can feel his resolve weakening. With a scoff, he frees himself from your grasp, the ease in which he does so confirming he’d been your willing hostage. 

The Wanderer wordlessly strolls past you and into your home. 

Humming, you follow close behind him. 

Just ‘tolerable’, huh? 

[millie-multifics]

Miles to Go

Jack Abbot x f!Attending!Reader

Jack got you to the ED, now he has to get you in the ED.... only things are a little more complicated between you now.

Warnings: Mentions of violence and injuries, medical inaccuracies, yearning and a slight jealous Jack.

Word Count: ~1.2k

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Previous (Hour 0) | Next

New Readers: This is technically Part 2, view Hour Zero first.

Comments are always welcome, encouraged even.

Edited: 05/24/25

x x x

Hour One: Not Calm, Cool, Nor Collected

4:00am

If anyone asked Jack what was happening between you two, what had happened- he would be honest when he said he did not know. It had snuck up on him, something he did not particularly like as he was a man of planning and being prepared. He had not felt it right away; it had built overtime under a harsh layer of denial and excuses.

He could vaguely recall you walking into the ED as a cautious third year Medical Student. A rotation you had originally greeted with skepticism as it was the opposite of the calm pediatric and family rotations you had most recently completed. He did not recall seeing you much, a few shared comments on cases during shift change, nothing significant. You had fallen in love with the chaos of the ER and were ecstatic when you had been matched for residency with the very hospital that had lit the spark.

Jack’s recollection of the start of your residency was clearer in his memory. One of three new doctors ready to practice on a lengthening leash. He was naturally a calculating person, inspecting the group of fresh-faced Doctors as he finished his charts for the night.

John Shen sipped on an iced coffee, much too large and sugary to be consumed on shift without causing a shaky hand or excessive bathroom breaks. Leo Bryant seemed to have the energy of a puppy, speaking a million miles a minute to get introductions out of the way. Then there was you. Eyes already studying the board, searching for your name as Dana assigned patients to the dayshift. Cool, calm, and collected- or so it seemed until Jack spotted the slight shake of your fingers as you adjusted the newly printed badge hanging from your scrubs.

You were dedicated; any shift, any day, coming in early and working late, weekends and being the first to volunteer to work any holiday. Robby had to pull you aside about six months in, advise you to relax and accept your days off. Balance would be the only way to survive with the high intensity demands of The Pitt.

You had experience plenty of mentorship from Doctors Robby and Abbot, which was one of the reasons you had switched to the night shift during your third year of residency. While Robby was a great doctor and dedicated teacher, Abbot encouraged residents to learn with a more hands-on approach. The switch was not a move that Abbot would complain about; he had discovered that despite the nervous shake of your hands on your first day, you were indeed cool, calm, and collected. You were able to assess patients with speed and ease, not shying away from any case that seemed intimidating or unusual. You did what was necessary when it was necessary and always asked questions to better understand procedures and treatments.

The proximity brought new understanding between you and Jack. Trading medical journals and articles to in depth conversations about patient care became teasing remarks and buying an extra coffee on the way to work. You knew that he preferred his coffee black and near scolding while he always handed over your sweeter, luke-warm coffee order with a disapproving shake of his head.

He had originally been scheduled to work on your first night as an Attending, but due to his abundance of overtime, Gloria had him take the night off.

When Robby had called him in the morning with the news of your injuries, his overlooked feelings became unbearably known as the fibres in his chest tugged tight with panic and worry.

You could feel Jacks eyes on you, calculating your body in a way only a doctor could. It was like you could feel his pupils fluctuate as his eyes sweep over the slight crook in your nose along the bridge where it had broken, drifting over your scrub hidden clavicle and ribs to inspect whether you still hunched from their uncomfortable ache then to your shoes to see whether they would be good support for your leg throughout the long shift. He might have missed the scar along your brow if you had not turned to look at him, the brightness of the healed tissue contrasting your natural skin tone under the lights.

You met Abbot’s stare, catching a split second of vulnerability in his eyes before he looked away, needing to look anywhere other than your sad eyes. His chest tugged uncomfortably as he recalled your last encounter.

It had been in your apartment about a month ago. Bodies close, pupils glazed and frantic with heaving chests - but not in the way either of you secretly wanted. You had yelled first, finally losing your cool after weeks of keeping the tidal wave of emotions at bay. He had not meant to, but his voice raised to meet your volume, and you had flinched.

“I’m sorry.” The words were quiet as they left your lips, hanging in the silence of the ambulance bay.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice was deep with a slight roughness, just like you remembered. “Like I said then, just because it’s expected of us to be okay, doesn’t mean we have to be.”

His words were gentle, softer than anything you had ever heard leave his mouth. Soothing in the way he had intended them to be a month ago in the morning light of your apartment. Before he had left to give you space, too much space that you had not asked for. A month with no calls and no texts after two months of him spending more than half his days at your apartment.

“There’s fresh coffee in the staff lounge. I know you refuse to turn on your coffee maker if you have a guest over.” His gaze challenging, wondering if he had imagined the potential in the quiet moments shared in your apartment as you healed. “You’ll start in triage today.”

“How did you-?” Your brain scattered, wondering how he knew you had an overnight guest. “Wait, triage? Isn’t that a resident’s job?” You scoffed, hiking the strap of your bag further on your shoulder as you followed him through the automatic doors.

“If you seen the amount of people in chairs right now, you would understand that I’m not trying to baby you.”  He paused, “Besides, in this ED you should know by now that every task is important.”

A wave of shame washed over you at the slight scold, that had been one of the first lessons taught as a medical student. No matter the task, the case or the patient, nothing was beneath you. You sighed as you watched him walk away, leaving you standing in the centre of the Pitt.

His plan seemed to be working so far; get you to the ED and into the ED. He was not surprised to find you standing outside, caught in the purgatory that was physical and emotional turmoil, something he was all too familiar. Though you did not hate triage, you would just rather be working cases and clearing beds than suturing fingers from the dull blade of a kitchen knife, telling a flu patient that hydration and rest would be their best friend or sending away disgruntled patients that google had convinced they were dying. He knew assigning you to chairs would push your buttons, aiming for it to distract you enough to lure you inside the building unnoticed.

x x x

Tags: @nosebeers @eugene-emt-roe

[rax-writes]

↬ when night falls

Tywin Lannister x Reader

intended to be a sequel to the morning after, but it's not necessary that you read it prior to this

Warnings: Smut, MDNI, 18+ ONLY ⇆ P in V sex, unprotected sex, creampie, age gap, nipple play, bit of breeding kink, mentions of pregnancy, pregnant!reader

The journey from Winterfell to King's Landing took considerably longer than necessary, given the Queen's insistence that she travel in that godsforsaken carriage of hers. As such, five weeks after your marriage to Tywin Lannister, you were spending one final night in a lavish red and gold tent alongside your lord husband.

For the entirety of the journey, the two of you spent the entire day apart – your horse trotting behind your father and King Robert, and Tywin a short distance behind, alongside Ser Jamie. Occasionally, Arya would pester you into allowing her to sit in front of you on the saddle, as you quietly conversed with her and taught her how to control the horse. But, aside from that, you were alone with your thoughts all day, every day.

The nights, however, were spent in the arms of your lord husband.

The two of you quite quickly developed a very… peculiar dynamic. You had quickly learned and adapted to the way the fearsome Tywin Lannister operates – preferring you speak concisely and directly, vehemently uninterested in anything otherwise. Additionally, there was a degree of mutual respect, as well as a vaguely guarded openness to one another – but certainly no love, or any semblance of romantic feelings at all. In truth, you assumed there never would be.

But gods was there lust.

On your end, it was your first and only experience with sex, and it was undeniably good, so you were eager for it. On his end… you couldn't be sure. It could be that the man was pent up from years as a bachelor, but it would be safe to assume he had simply sent for a whore when the mood struck him. A more likely reason would be his pursuit of an heir, but surely he wouldn't have needed to fill your cunt nightly to achieve that goal. No, you were almost certain that he was simply enjoying fucking you – just as much as you were enjoying fucking him.

When Tywin entered the tent, you were sitting on the edge of the cot, toying with the goblet in your hands, already undressed to your shift. He met your eyes as he entered, but said nothing, that unreadable (but somehow always leaning toward annoyed) expression on his face. He silently began taking off his boots, then removed his sword and placed it beside the cot. He was in the middle of pouring wine into his goblet when you found the courage to ask your question.

"Will you stop bedding me when I become pregnant?"

Tywin said nothing, setting the pitcher down and turning to face you as he took a sip of his wine. He wore that calm, calculating expression as he stared at you – but you could swear there was a hint of amusement in his eyes. The golden goblet made a faint clank as he set it down before speaking.

"Do you ask because you wish for me to stop? Or because you wish for me to continue?"

"I wish for you to continue."

"Then I shall continue," Tywin stated, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Good," you replied, then added, "Because I am."

"You are what?"

"Pregnant."

The smile dropped and Tywin's eyebrows raised, making his forehead crinkle.

"Already?" he inquired dryly, surprised. Then, incredulous, he asked, "How do you know?"

It was a fair question. You had never been pregnant before, so perhaps you were mistaking soreness and fatigue from travel as signs of pregnancy. But no. You knew.

"I should have bled three weeks ago, but I have not. My breasts are extremely tender, and certain smells make my stomach turn."

Tywin nodded, then stated, "I do not doubt that you are right, but we will have a Maester provide his confirmation and look you over when we arrive in King's Landing. In the meantime, is there anything you need?"

A faint but wicked smile spread across your face, and you stood from the bed, setting the goblet down as you slowly made your way over to him. The metal of his armor was cold beneath your fingers as you idly ran your hands over his chest, before toying with the belt around his hips, looking up at him through your lashes.

"You," was your simple answer. But both of you knew that it wasn't meant in a romantic, sweet sort of way.

Tywin's hand reached up to cradle your face, somewhat harshly, hooking his thumb under your jaw to tilt your head up and kiss you. It was lustful and full of desire, accompanied by the scratch of his beard upon the delicate skin of your face.

When he pulled away, Tywin smiled quite faintly, then hummed lowly and said, "Well, what sort of man would I be to deny his pregnant lady wife her wish?"

The old lion made quick work of removing his armor and smallclothes, and relieving you of the thin linen shift you wore, before guiding you to the luxurious cot. Tywin continued to kiss you, eventually trailing kisses down your neck, until he reached your chest, unexpectedly taking one of your breasts into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it.

The sensation nearly made you shout, opting to take in a sharp breath instead as your back arched off the blankets. Eyes squeezed shut, you heard a low chuckle, and looked down to see a set of very amused, crystalline eyes staring up at you.

"Hm, I see you were not exaggerating about the sensitivity."

Electing to ignore him, you let your head fall back onto the pillow. However, it seemed he did not intend to grant you any reprieve, moving to the other breast and doing the same thing – prompting you to dig your nails into his shoulders and bite your lip to avoid crying out. Unfortunately, that made matters worse, as Tywin let out a low groan with his lips still wrapped around your nipple, earning a loud, pitiful whine from you.

Seemingly enjoying himself, Tywin began peppering your chest with gentle bites, which he soothed with his tongue afterwards, sure to become small little bruises by morning. Breathy moans and sighs of pleasure filled the tent, as he then resumed his ministrations on the hardened peaks of your breasts before snaking one hand down to toy with your clit, expertly rubbing it in small, steady circles. Astoundingly fast, your release washed over you, soaking his hand as you moaned and writhed beneath the Warden of the West – who only chuckled darkly at your quick climax.

Noticing that the continued kisses and licks upon your breasts began to make you twitch, Tywin captured your lips in a brief, rough kiss, before rolling onto his back. He then pulled you into his lap, with a strength one wouldn’t assume the older man to still possess – which was, admittedly, arousing. Your mind was still foggy from the orgasm, and your movements were not unlike a rag doll, eyes half-lidded and jaw slack, moving somewhat limply as you allowed him to maneuver you. He gripped his hard, leaking cock in one hand, then reached behind you to urge you forward with a flat palm on the small of your back.

A hiss through gritted teeth escaped Tywin, and you gasped lightly, head thrown back and hands flat on his chest. Although you’d already lost count of how many times he’d taken you, it still felt more incredible than anything you’d ever experienced. A passing thought reminded you of the fact that he seemed to share the sentiment, always hissing or groaning when he first sheathed himself inside you.

Tywin’s grip moved to your hips, prompting you to begin rocking them against his own, keeping your pace steady. However, he made no move to halt you when you eventually began to move faster, leaning back to rest your hands on his thighs as you fucked yourself on his long, thick cock. The sound of it alone would have made a Septa drop dead – a symphony composed of wet skin upon skin and gruff grunts intermingling with breathy moans.

He reached up to grasp and knead your breasts in his rough, calloused hands – but he then surprised you, his hands drifting lower, until they rested flat against your lower stomach. You thought perhaps he was focusing on the movement of your hips, but then his thumbs began to stroke across the soft skin of your belly.

At first, it seemed very sweet and sentimental. You thought that perhaps he was basking in the joy of another child being on the way – until you felt the way his cock throbbed, deep inside of you, as he stared intently at your belly. Immediately, you came to the realization that it must be arousing for a man to have successfully fucked a babe into his wife – stroking their ego and their pride to have done their husbandly duty, as well as show everyone that you belong to them.

Truth be told, you were surprised to learn that it aroused you just as much.

Tywin groaned as you clenched around him, and when his eyes flicked up to meet yours, it felt as though he knew you had been thinking the very same thing he was.

That seemed to ignite something within your husband, and in the blink of an eye, Tywin flipped you onto your back and began driving into your soaked cunt with a newfound ferocity. You bit down on your knuckle to keep quiet, but Tywin pinned both of your wrists down, his arms on either side of your head. The act did not last much longer beyond that point, both parties having already been too near the precipice of climax, and the pair of you met your releases in unison.

Tywin rolled off of you, breathing heavily, a light layer of sweat covering his chest, along with the small patches of silver hair. You allowed yourself a few moments of recovery, before moving to leave the cot in order to extinguish the candles, as well as tidy yourself up. However, Tywin grabbed your arm to stop you.

“Where are you going?”

“The candles –”

“Can wait,” Tywin interrupted, voice sounding unbothered as always, albeit with a hint of fatigue. He exhaled slowly, as he gently pulled you back down to lay upon the cot beside him. “One of the guards outside can see to the candles in a moment. You are carrying my heir, so you are to rest. As much as is feasible, from now until the babe is born. And if anyone questions it, they are to discuss it with me.”

Anyone possessing the sense the gods gave a mule knows “discussing” something with Tywin Lannister was just the opposite – it was not to be addressed at all, because what Tywin Lannister says, goes. A fact which made you smile softly.

“As my lord husband commands,” you replied, a hint of sarcasm in your tone, but you did exactly as he bade you, pulling some of the blankets over you and nestling into the pillows. You were already yawning by the time Tywin called for a guard, who extinguished the candles, and bathed the room in darkness as you drifted into a deep, contented sleep.

[granulesofsand]

Five Kluft Observations I Can Get Behind

The Phenomenology and Treatment of Extremely Complex Multiple Personality Disorder is my favorite Kluft paper. It says a lot of things I don’t like, that make me cringe and that I would describe as poor interpretations of good data given half a chance.

I don’t like Kluft’s vibe, because I feel as though my existence is being viewed cynically and coldly while I stand behind a glass screen, also known as my cell phone. This paper has a good number of points that I argue regularly, and everybody who’s done their homework on DID knows Kluft. Reliable, if not my choice for best person ever.

Number one: self-diagnosis

While not exactly how the term is modernly used, these complex systems were aware they were systems prior to diagnosis.

Number two: good splitting

Ego-syntonic splitting, which, while vague, speaks for itself. They are in line with the needs and wants of the self and are neutral to positive experiences. Table 1, that whole list, in all of its controversy, is beautiful to me.

Number three: innerworlds

Also vague, but alluding to the kind of innerworlds described online presently. I believe it’s Ross whose articles describe the connection between immersive (specifically maladaptive) daydreaming and complex (specifically CDD/DID) systems, but both could be taken as evidence that immersive internal worlds are recognized by professionals.

Number four: not pie

If we are the equivalent of a singlet collectively, each alter in a large dissociative system gets only a tiny slice of personhood. Sometimes that fits, with alters who are fragmented beyond Braun’s defined personalities, but there are cases where it doesn’t.

Number five: multiplicity

This describes what I’ve been trying to say the Theory of Structural Dissociation (or at least the Haunted Self) is missing. The next step of we’re not pie. We are the pieces that worked shoved into a new vessel, the behaviors we needed but couldn’t keep as one, a shifting sand of every moment of our history and everything we learned and had before. This is my system, or the dissociative bits of it, recognized. From a guy who finds us underqualified to count as personalities.

Again, I don’t agree with Kluft often. I feel belittled and set aside in my own treatment despite him not being my clinician. But it’s like a balloon inflating in my chest to see so much of online discourse addressed academically. I think this paper is one of the, if not the, most commonly cited sources for fictional introjects, and it mentions restructuring alters to fit those roles after they form.

It still pushes fusion real hard. It still frames multiplicity as failure. But it sees us.

The last one (not about fictives) is most important to me. We’re really multiple like that, even if the same article negates it. This is the philosophy that we build our personhood on, and the other is semantics. Kluft sees us.

[suenitos]

Nov im about to commit😭😭😭

I wanted to watch a video and she played a clip of tommy talking how bad youtube is now and in the comments people were like 'wow hes so mature now!' im about to rip my hair out THEY DONT KNOW 😭😭😭😭

Even worse is that shes also trying to make a point about how some yters are assholes behind the scenes AND SHE PLAYS A CLIP OF TOMMY LIKE HES ONE OF THE GOOD ONES

Brother in christ i immediately closed the video

good meowrning... i know exactly the video youre talking about 😭 IN ALL FAIRNESS tommy was only used as a demonstration of the youtube stats thing where each video has to be bigger and bigger in order for them to all feel like a success and the obsession with numbers and stats being a big problem in how ccs package videos with extremes in the titles to get attention like how everything has to be the WORST or the BEST etc. i pretend the comments dont exist but the video wasnt that bad aside from that jumpscare. its interesting seeing how a cc views a supposed "shift" of "cringe" or "negative" commnetary dunking on others just being really fucking bad for your mental health and in general those types of things not being healthy for the youtube ecosystem (both things we've all known intimately on account of liking the guy we like. anyway).

i dont know if i really agree with some of the implications of dunking people who "really" deserve it being like fine throughout the video just because its really non-specific and vague (on purpose because denouncing that sort of call out culture is part of her point in seeing where "commentary" stands now as like kinda dead lol, but to me its a slippery slope) and i also dont know that that sort of "cringe" negative commentary and gossip/drama channels have really "gotten worse" over time because so many of them all operate off the same sort of gateway into alt right pipeline stuff (or at least can be VERY heavily associated with it, her neutral mention of sunnyv2 made me gag) but im not sure i would lump this all in with people who just talk about stuff. maybe there is a point in how this type of "work" has somewhat infiltrated into content attached to people's actual faces and depending on what it is its either reaction style content or scripted, and they tend to be men, but personally i think i wouldve liked a little bit of clarity in separating between some pretty different vibes and goals within the "umbrella" you might call commentary which is just person who talks about stuff at the end of the day. although that also wasnt the goal of the video either, its more about her own experience as someone who was a fan of these commentary channels entering into the space over time. i just like talking too lol

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

So, uh... this post was answering an ask, but then the saving glitched or something and now the post is in the drafts but it no longer has the ask in it, but the ask isn't in the inbox either. So I don't know if it vanished completely or if it will appear in this post upon posting. And perhaps more importantly, I don't know if the asker will get a notification when I hit post. I guess this is a good moment to ask you all to please avoid asking questions anonymously if possible, so I can reach out if need be (especially considering the months I tend to take to answer, har har).

Well, great, my quest to write a brief post is off to a great start. Oh, I know!

*ominous clattering sounds*

So, ever seen Speed? The movie, not the phenomenon. I haven't, but from what I heard, it's a movie where a bus driver finds out there's a bomb that will go off if they go slower than 50mph. I've gotta see it just to find out what prompted that, did a passenger get frustrated with how slow it- see?!?! I'm doing this again! But no more, thanks to this nifty device I've fitted, that will blow up if this post's word count reaches 2000 words. Yes, that's a pretty high bar, but you know, we tryna stay alive, like Wyclef Jean said. Wait, no, I don't think he ever actually says the song's title in the lyrics. But surely he mentioned its title at some point, right? I'm doing it again aren't I. What was the question anyway?

Do I- Okay, let's not repeat the "do I have thoughts on that" line. Last time it didn't end well.

But yeah, of course! I wrote about the Corolla previously, and who could forget the first mass production hybrid car?

Well, most of the people who drove one, probably - and likely even some that are currently involved in driving one. And, as I went over, I think that's to Toyota's credit.

Now, in my post about hybrid powertrains (definitely a recommended read to anyone who's giving a shit right now) I forewent one of the few important distinction between an F1 car's KERS system and my mom's Toyota - since the former can never run purely on electric power it's a mild hybrid, whereas Toyota's Hybrid Synergy Drive (HSD for friends) is a full hybrid system since it can. So essentially the reason her Toyota is not like an F1 Ferrari is that it's more capable. (And also it burns down less.) So the car could be using only the electric engine, or only the combustion engine, or both, or energy could be getting generated through regen braking or even by the engine(???) and I'm not even sure that's it. There's even a little animation you can toggle that shows you what the drivetrain is doing and what energy is going where. And I always thought that was a bit of a test-drive-only gimmick, not realizing that in my reaction lay proof of the system's brilliance: you don't ever really notice nor care what it's doing! Thanks to the smoothness of a very clever CVT made of planetary gears that I vaguely assume I understand, you barely ever feel any of those goings on. Aside from shifting into B when you need engine braking -even that a very smooth affair- all you ever experience is the variation in noise from the silence of EV mode to, should you ever be so unlucky as to encounter a road that points up...

(credit to @ggrtl1)

The HSD system now being in most of Toyota's range makes it easy to forget how it was a Prius exclusive for the longest time, and how starkly the Prius stood out when that was the case. But if we look back with that in mind, the Prius being an environmentally conscious choice that doesn't actually require you to have a clue about shit, and a car that almost actively dodges your attention, it's clear how it immediately became extremely popular… almost as much as it was maligned.

Car enthusiasts, as I already went over (oh sorry, I'd already linked this one), hated the Prius with unfathomable passion. I grew up in car meme circles and counting the jokes at the Prius' expense was akin to counting your breaths. To this day you can probably spot peeling "Prius repellent" stickers atop the exhaust pipes of the most insulting trucks of the Walmart lot. And really, I think there's more to why than what I talked about. For one, the Prius's architecture and marketing attracted and created drivers without much eagerness to get out of their own way, and by extension the cars behind them's. But really, people hated on Audi drivers tailgating and BMW drivers being seemingly unaware of the turn signal stalk's presence, and that never translated into cheering at pictures of M3s and RS4s engulfed in flames. There also was the idea of the Prius driver as someone eager to rub their environmental consciousness in your face - and I believe that gets closer to the point, but again, however much you can hate a driver, that doesn't really translate into hating the car with such memetic reliability that a key mechanic in my favorite gaming series ever involves finding pink Priuses and blowing them up.

It's something about the car itself. Or rather, what it represented.

I believe the Prius was the vegan of cars.

It was never just about what it did or how, but about how its existence implied that our way of life (in our case our acoustically, socially and environmentally obnoxious gas guzzlers) was bad, was wrong. It was an attack on how we rolled. And so we attacked back: "No, fuck YOU. You're nerdy, and uncool, and boring, and ugly. Go die." And really, it's interesting how those were the angles the Prius was attacked by - even though it was clearly never concerned with being cool or exciting to drive and, if I do say so myself, the Prius never looked that bad in the years when that hate developed.

I mean, even this interior is neat if you ask me!

Really, I think the reason those angles were chosen goes beyond the car. Nerdy, uncool, boring, ugly. What image does that conjure up?

Exactly.

And just like that emoji, those are comebacks you huck at someone who's getting in the way of your good time. But how did someone else's car get in the way of our good time? Simple: by highlighting the problems with our good time. Again, the vegan of cars. And just like them, this opposite faction was also seen as a threat. If this view wins, we feared, our vehicles for The Good Time will get banned or canceled or neutered beyond recognition. We were arguably living through the start of such events and they did get worse with time.

But still, our approach was misguided, handling serious environmental issues with the same maturity of children being reminded of their homework by their parents. The solution was not to try and boo the issue away, as though a relative handful of enthusiasts could drown out environmentalism, but to recognize that our smaller number and the masses' different priorities could have been assets: get out of this tunnel vision whereby everyone needs to have what you like and let others have a Prius; hell, encourage others to get a Prius, because the more people buy fuel efficient cars on their own accord, the less governments will feel the need to force them to do so with bans! Because bans? They SUCK. Not being able to use your car or go some place no matter how much you're willing to pay and how many hoops you're willing to jump through SUCKS. And it's unfair to everyone: the greener choice should be the better choice, because if not you're short changing people, and that betterness should be communicated well to the people, so they know they're not getting short changed. At which point you wouldn't need a ban anyway because the only people who wouldn't pick the greener thing of their own accord are us, the handful of weirdos who'll gladly stick with something worse for The Experience™, whose impact will be too small to be worth restricting everyone's freedom over.

We were too few to matter, but instead of using that as the asset it was we fought against that idea. And that's understandable: we all like for our opinion to be popular, we all like to push people to be more like us because we like the idea that it's a good thing to be the way we are. So it's tough to embrace the idea that the fewer people like us there are the better. And perhaps we were too proud to admit that our passion really is problematic at scale and thus have that conversation altogether. Or we just didn't feel like dealing with that problem. Again, kids not wanting to do homework.

But now that half of all Toyotas sold (in the U.S. at least, but that's always been the cultural trends dictator anyway) are hybrids, funnily enough, it all seems okay. I mean, whose vitriol is being spent on the Corolla Hybrid? And it's not because the Corolla name did get slapped onto enough different cars that eventually it landed onto something with some enthusiast cred...

...because that never made enthusiasts hold the "normal" Corolla in any higher regard than 'boringly sensible, nondescript transportation only ever interesting as a way to justify any unwise sportscar purchase of a similar buy-in price' ("Can you believe I got this V10 twin turbo Audi RS6 for the price of a new Corolla?", usually said a month before the first night spent under a bridge). And even if it did, it would be all the more reason to curse the HSD powertrain for "ruining" it, or whatever. People don't hate on the RAV4 Hybrid, the Sienna Hybrid, the whatever Hybrid nowadays. (Or maybe they are and I'm just hanging around more mature people now, but I do feel like a cultural shift has gone on.)

Is it because hate struggles to spread itself too thin, especially across vehicles whose hybridness isn't their whole personality as the Prius's was? Maybe, but I doubt it looking at all the positive sentiment around the fifth gen Prius, surprising a glowup as it may have been.

(Y'ain't really fuck with me way back then girl

how 'bout now)

It could also be that a threat is often worse than the event itself, because focusing on a threat makes it feel like an all-encompassing hypothetical that must be avoided at all costs or how will we manage, but when we live through it it's just one of the many things going on in our lives, and we find out we manage just fine. Many cars we barely cared about to begin with are hybrid now, so what. Those seeking to avoid hybrid powertrains just... do that. Some cars are canceled, so we buy used or look elsewhere. That Prius was not a harbinger of doom, just a precursor of a trend that it didn't cause, and didn't really kill us all. But maybe it's the move that we're currently fearing will kill us all, electrification, that has not just shifted attention away from hybrids, but framed them more positively by comparison. But perhaps there's an even bigger, show-stealing enemy, doing what we feared hybrids would do and what we're fearing electrification will do: SUVification. Sure, people raged at things like the Honda NSX becoming a hybrid or the Mazda MX-5 announcing electrification, but travesties like the new "Capri" really make that rage look silly, as if we lost the focus of what was really vital, like i did with the word count oh no

Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question: if you liked this post, you might like those - or the blog’s Discord server, linked in the pinned post!

[dailycharacteroption]

Planar Tour Guide: The Plane of Shadow part 2

(art by Remi Portmann on Artstation)

Geography

True to it’s name, the Plane of Shadow, or Netherworld, if you prefer, is a place of darkness, varying by a vague twilight and complete pitch blackness. When there is light, the source isn’t discernable, and the shadows of objects regularly shift and twist like black fingers reaching out from their source. Indeed, that alone makes the plane a forboding and unsettling place for daylighters, but that is just the beginning.

The terrain of the plane is, as we mentioned yesterday, a twisted, (albeit truncated) reflection of the material plane. You might recognized the edge of a shoreline or the presence of a familiar city, but the plane of shadow has a way of warping everything familiar. Cities appear as the most sinister version of themselves, their monuments inverted in strange ways or made all the more forboding and oppressive. Places of terrible happenstance become pocket nightmares inhabited by strange shadowy beings that might reflect those terrible deeds, or just as likely were moved into the way that Material Planes monsters move into abandoned dungeons and cave networks.

But even the wide areas between such landmarks can be twisted. A sea might be filled with dry sand instead of water, a forest might be a sinister place of twisted boughs, and so on.

Of course, there are also structures built by denizens and deities alike, such as the Abbey of Nevers created by the velstrac demagogue Aroggus, as well as various shadow giant holdings carved from the warped mountain ranges, and the elegant spires of the cities of the shae.

Zon-Kuthon also has his own realm here. Xovaikain was originally his prison that he agreed to be confined within “until the sun did not shine on Golarion’s surface”, a confinement that ended all too early when Earthfall cloaked the planet in dust clouds. The realm is even more twisted than other parts of the netherworld, being a place of nightmares, oppressive terrain, magical storms, and waking hallucinations meant to sap away the will of all who enter, to say nothing of the poor victims in the prison-palace itself. Aside from the residents, visitors must also worry about the many shadowy predators that come to the region seeking an easy meal of those whose sanity and bodies have been wracked by what they experience.

Speaking of hazards, the fact that this plane has deep connections to the Negative Energy Plane means that sometimes a bit of that even deeper darkness wells up in the Netherworld (or more accurately, part of the shadow is swallowed up, leaving the consuming void in it’s place). These voidboils build up and sometimes explode outward, bathing the surroundings in consuming negative energy.

Despite how inhospitable it can be at times, there are those beings that make it home and thrive there, which we will see tomorrow! Tune in then for more!

[fyeahmeddy]

also one vague notion I've had for Fionna and Cake's world is that from an in universe POV, the magic went away and the world became mundane BECAUSE of Hana Abadeer; she made that happen, for whatever reason, and drew upon that world's ancient laws and economic systems to functionally set her up as a tyrant ruling the city and playacting at being in charge. Specifically their city is protected by a swirling vortex of antimagic; stay inside the city, she says, and I'll make everything OKAY. "Just don't think about the outside. Don't ever LEAVE." So in a sense she's a way to explore the idea of Hunson staying with Marceline, but that being arguably WORSE than if he had never come back; she's a monster more concerned with playing at leadership and lacking Hunson's grief or feelings of missed opportunities to casually toss aside her family as tools or playthings, so even if she's apparently human she's as much a demon as ever. But anyway, one plot element I'd like to use at some point is that the vortex breaks down, and the magic comes back; not that characters immediately shift back to their Aaa incarnations, but aspects start flooding in, making things more unpredictable and Fionna and friends have to come to terms with what they have, what they used to be, and what they think they want and how its all an uncomfortable complicated mess, and take control of their world for the first time in their lives rather than live according to Hana's illusion. (Also, Ice Queen being played as Simon if he had never followed his passions but wound up bitter and constantly wondering if he had tried more, and she winds up more friendly with Fionna and her mindset exploring how much of it is personally genuine, and how much is Simon's experiences with Fionna influencing this other version of him.)

Hanna seems to be more Evil and power-thirsty than Hunson and honestly her last appearance in Fionna and Cake was kinda eerie. It would be very interesting to see her turn into the villain of Season 2 like you suggest, revealing she's been aware of the true nature of Fionna's world and making it her play-world where she's basically ruling queen.

Scarab did mention that Fionna's world "would be doomed" now that it's canon. We've discussed how Cake and the talking flying squirrel could become gates through which magic could make its way (back) into Fionna's world. Season 2 could use some of that and show us how it shapes the characters lives and expectations. and yeah!! more Ice Queen is always welomed!! I really want to see her fleshed out in the next season

[autumnalmind]

Further adventures in trying to talk here more-! So have some thoughts from the past few weeks:

-Been having shifts (?) recently of feeling as a unicorn... Which didn't seem so strange; I rewatched TLU fairly recently, so that was probably why. Except, unlike that feeling of "general unicornness" I tend to feel with anything therian, or perhaps the suggestion that someone moved in/introjected... I only get this feeling around...BotW? For some reason?

I think of the nature there. Hear the music. And I feel like I should be exploring the landscape on cloven hooves. Hiding in the shadows when people pass, just to be careful and safe.

...So what does it mean? No heckin' idea. I've been dwelling on it for nearly a whole month with no answers yet. (Best I could give is it probably is an introject; they just don't talk, and rather ruminate on memories and old experiences.)

-And then next to that, getting back into an old SpIn (as they do, rotating in and out on loop), but finding a spooky story for it... Aaaand then struck with the feeling of, "Ah! I've been here before!" Not read it before, but "been here," specifically.

....So more vague, noncanon fickin things, I think. Except I have no inkling of who I was, aside from probably someone who knew the main cast / was a trainer. (Hint, hint, don't feel like letting this slip into another fandom space. Also, I'm just not a fan of "w0rd c3nsor" (word censor, with numbers); it's just... No. I'm not doing that.)

.:.

So-! That's my brain this week. More or less.

Headspace has been fuzzy, so I've been stepping back on front-tracking. For anyone who has me on Discord... That's why it's been labeled as "blurry af" for months. Trying to keep peering in has felt really tiring, so we're just letting stuff happen for a bit.

Whoever shows up and goes, "I'll make myself known," or, "I want to use my bot," is good! Great, even! I'm trying to note it down privately, to get back in the swing of things. (And without feeling super pressured to keep up for other people.)

So there's that. Hope everyone's doing well, in this new year. Forgot if I mentioned it last time, so will do it now!

~Aki

[emersonschaos]

A Note to My Aunt

I’ve been thinking about the time we were discussing the Barbie movie. You said you thought Barbie made good points and you remember encountering the problem of gender equality when you were younger. Then you asked me if it was still a problem today. You said that you hadn’t experienced it recently but your experiences might have changed as you’ve aged.

I’m sure I nodded vaguely and brushed it off, but thinking about it again now, I would like to change my answer. Or rather, I’d like to say what I couldn’t bring myself to say out loud.

I think the women’s issues that Barbie calls attention to are still a problem; although the mode of delivery might have shifted and it might be slightly “subtler” than it was when you were younger. Of course, gender discrimination is against the law now, and sure, harassment and work appropriate behavior is part of orientation at work. However, like several other issues that have seemingly lain dormant, I believe that the cultural and political climate within the last few years has brought the topic of gender equality and all of its worst violators back into the light.

There may have been some progress made on big things but there is still an undertone to everything I experience as a woman. By undertone, I mean the kind of feeling you don’t fully realize is there until it’s gone. Women have been living with these undertones our whole lives and most of us have grown so accustomed to it that we almost forget they’re there. Almost. Until something happens to remind us.

Some people may say that’s just the way things are, an unfortunate part of life. And they’re right; this is the way things are. But that doesn’t mean that it always has to be this way. It doesn’t discredit the validity of the issue or how we feel about it. And it will continue to be an issue until we make more progress on the little things.

- Until I don’t see posts where a woman talks about stealing a handful of NASA tshirts from the boys section in Target and moving them in the girls section.

- Until my retired school teacher relative can’t say about her first graders that nobody told the boys to only play with legos and the girls to only play with dolls. That they chose those toys completely on their own, not understanding that the reminders of gender norms are subtler than verbal commands. That all the girls get dolls for their birthdays, and none of the commercials show boys playing with dolls, and dad sits down to watch tv after a long day of work while mom plays house and nurse after an equally long day of work.

- Until I don’t feel like cringing every time I hear or use the word woman, and until everywhere the word woman should be used isn’t downplayed by replacing it with girl or wife, e.g. girl power, girl boss, or man and wife.

- Until my default reaction to conflict and uncomfortable social interactions is not to smile and giggle and deescalate or escape. Until I don’t feel like I need to make myself smaller in order to survive.

- Until I don’t disassociate whenever I go out in public alone. Until I don’t spend half my time zoning out and the other half obsessively trying to be aware of my surroundings so I don’t accidentally end up in the parking lot alone. Until I can visit somewhere like South Korea and not marvel at the concept of not feeling the urge to check behind me when I’m walking down the street.

- Until I’m not scared to get upset in public because, setting aside the likelihood of at least one person downplaying the validity of my emotions by mentioning my period, I’m scared someone will get violent or follow me to a different location.

- Until I’m not scared of being given a compliment. Until I don’t black out, only to realize later that I used the boyfriend excuse as a knee-jerk response because I’ve learned that men respect another man’s claim more than they would respect my simple no.

- Until movies and media stop telling men they need to be persistent and pursue the girl rather than respecting her decision and moving on.

- Until every other story I hear is not about someone getting raped, or some husband snapping and murdering his family, or some guy shooting up a school or movie theater or parade.

- Until I can honk at someone, get upset, maybe even flick them off, and they don’t feel like they have the right to make me feel like my life might be in danger by tailing me home or trying to run me off the road.

- Until I don’t get yelled at for “putting myself in that situation” which let’s be honest is another way of saying I was asking for it. I’m not saying there aren’t consequences to my actions and people don’t have the right to be upset that I was an asshole. Sure, sometimes I can be in better control of my temper, but so should others. And no matter my actions and whatever you think the consequences should be, no one EVER has the right to make me fear for my life.

- Until I don’t feel the need to react to being tailed home by calling my cousin to meet me at the door in case they follow me all the way down the long driveway. Until he doesn’t feel the need to meet me at the door with a gun because of how scared I sound.

- Until my cousin cannot respond to my encounter with “that’s why I drive a big car, no one would tail me like that,” referring to his ridiculously huge, customized Toyota 4Runner.

- Until I can seriously consider driving a ridiculously big car and not be equally as reluctant because I know what kind of commentary I would get. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. I’m already tired of random people being surprised that the big car is mine. I’m already tired of people saying “but wouldn’t you be more comfortable in something smaller?” I’m already tired of guys challenging me about whether I can handle such a big car, and do I know how to maintain it, and do I even know the horsepower?!? Don’t get me wrong, I could deal with it, but it’s a waste of my time and energy to simply ignore those comments, let alone prove myself every time someone confronts me, and I shouldn’t even have to.

- Until my dad can watch a tv show about a rape trial and understand why his comment about how she could have gotten more money if she’d held out longer is not ok. Until he can understand how disheartening and absolutely devastating it would be to have a continuous stream of random people coming up to you on the street because they think they have the right to give you their two cents about your trauma. How it’s still demoralizing if they’re being supportive, and how much worse it is if they’re being mean. Not to mention the ever-present fear that someone will get it in their head to make an example of you and verbal abuse may not be enough.

- Until people can understand that something like Me Too and other feminist movements are not a ploy to tear men down, but rather to gain equal recognition. Until they can see how much courage it takes to come forward and speak the words out loud, never mind how much courage it takes to even let yourself hope that there could be justice when the system has failed to provide it so many times before. Until people can see that we shouldn’t discredit the claims and trauma of some because a few have turned out to be false. There will always be those seeking attention, but…what was that phrase men seem to be so fond of? “Not all women.”

- Until I’m not terrified to participate in any sort of activism. Until I don’t get overwhelmed whenever I join in a women’s march because, while it restores my faith in humanity to see so many people coming together to support each other, it simultaneously destroys me to see how many people have come to show hate.

- And finally, until I can see these problems and be brave enough to try and act on them. Until I’m not ashamed that the only thing I seem to be able to do right now is talk about it here under the cover of anonymity. Until I can make this post and not be worried that I’m just overreacting or repeating things that have been said countless times before.

[hotshocked]

Reno smirked with amusement at how Aerith reciprocated his greeting. With how apt his observation skills were, it wasn't often that Reno's first impression of the people he'd crossed paths with in his life would ever shift so drastically as it had with Aerith. Way back when he'd been briefed on the security detail of her case, he'd taken one look at the report - and then at her - and thought he had this all figured out. Vagueness of the Science department aside, she seemed like a relatively clever, yet innocent and dainty, young woman. Oh, how quickly that was turned on its head. Almost every time Reno showed up, Aerith was covered in some manner of dirt, but it was almost a relief - Something a little more relatable. Maybe it was his own projection, but Reno liked to think he saw a bit of himself in her. He was expected to maintain the same status quo of his Turk peers, and yet, Reno had never been one for overt professionalism. He grew up on the streets, and with that experience came the knowledge that it was so much easier to get on the good side of civvies if you didn't act like a pompous dickhead, perched on a rung of the societal ladder so far up it was impossible to see.

Reno did just enough to look and act the part, without performing as little more than a Shinra lapdog. Aerith appeared as a dainty flower girl, and yet exuded the complete opposite of that every time Reno had more than a fleeting interaction with her. Not to mention, they both knew what it was like growing up in a place like this, where your life revolved around what those more privileged might consider the most trivial of pleasures.

Reno's eyes followed her as she sprung upright, with that same amused smile plastered on his face. "Oh yeah?" He replied, a curious lilt to his voice.

He hadn't actually intended to get roped into a brand new hobby by coming down here, but he was well versed in Aerith's enthusiasm by now.

He stood to follow her into the back of the church, stowing his mag rod as he saw her flit over towards a medium-sized pot. And then, it was being held out towards him as an offering. "Oh, uh-" Reno stuttered, but then took it into his hands, apprehension perched on his tongue. This was thoroughly out of his comfort zone, and if it hadn't been her offering this new responsibility to him, Reno almost certainly would have refused. The fact he accepted it without complaint was evidence of how much she'd grown on him. Espionage, gambling, combat - those were all skills Reno was more than confident in. Keeping a living thing alive for more than a week... surely at least one of his skills would transfer into that, right?

He took a good look at the plant, admiring the deep green foliage and white, teardrop-shaped flowers. It was stunningly beautiful, just like everything else Aerith somehow managed to grow in these polluted slums.

"Givin' me a homework assignment, are ya?" Reno teased. "Dunno if I'll be any good at this, but I guess I could give it a go just for you, since you make it look so easy." He winked, flashing another charming smile. But in his gut, nothing much was blossoming aside from a premature feeling of regret. The only experience he had with plants were the times he ventured outside of Midgar, where the planet hadn't been sucked of its lifeforce and turned into a barren wasteland. He'd been to Gongaga once. Been roped into helping the locals with their farming, once. He was not good at it. Things might as well wilt simply by being in his presence. He silently prayed that Aerith would find mercy in her heart if this plant ended up just like those poor Gongaga crops that didn't make it past two weeks.

"Hi.~" Aerith greeted, in a voice that suggested she waved the greeting. Though Reno had eyes. Her dirt-dusted hands and nail beds poised daintily in the air before her. She still hadn't decided if she was continuing or if his arrival was a good enough reason to stop.

After all, she had been toying with the idea of relaxing. A task that clearly came to the Turk easy, given how he bounced his mag rod even as he idled. She understood the feeling. Being still sometimes brought out that jittering fidgeting urge in her too, though it usually manifested in bouncing her leg or playing with something in her hand.

It was her turn to smile as she huffed a breath of amusement. "Well, what do you know, gardening is my thing." She bounced up from her crouch, arms looped behind her back — hands pointedly away from her person, even though she wasn't too precious about the dirt — and she leaned forward and over Reno to look down at him in a rare shift of perspective. "You look like a peace lily kind of guy."

Did he? Or was it because she had lifted a sun-burnt pot plant of the same name some weeks ago while she was kicking around on top of the pizza plate selling to the theatre goers?

"Right this way." Aerith directed as though they were engaged in a business deal now. She whisked into the back of the church, humming as she stooped and cleaned her hands in a retro sink that was probably older than she was, where she flicked most of the water away and slapped the rest into the folds of her pretty pink dress.

"This beauty over here likes low light. Water, wait until the top soil has dried out, water again. If you have any space for her in your bathroom she is probably going to thrive no problem." Just like that, Aerith picks up the plant which had been in a precarious perch on a thin wooden beam and offers it over.

[aryareyes]

***

Title : The way your eyes burn my soul

Pairing : Gruvia

Summary : Surprise!

Spotlights were shinning brightly, illuminating the dark interview hall, but what set the hall on fire was the audience's energetic ovation.

At the center of the hall, the interviewer, a beautiful young woman was smiling ear to ear, in front of her, her guests of the day, the best duo of the Pop world were seated, delighted matching grins on their faces.

- " Welcome to Pep Talk! Today's a very special day for us because we've our favorite Pop duo, Gray and Juvia with us!!"

The crowd whistled and cheered again as the two stars bowed their head respectfully to the crowd.

- " Thanks Mira, it's our pleasure to be here." The raven haired man answered as he flashed a grin to the public, making girls squeal.

- " Gray's right! We're very happy to be here!" The blue haired girl added, clad in her navy cocktail dress.

Again the crowd cheered but it was mostly male public this time. Mirajane smiled at the public and shifted her attention back to the duo.

- " So, Gray, Juvia, first of all, Congratulations for your last album, Icy Waves. It's a mega huge success! But most importantly, your fans—no actually, people who I know that don't like pop are into it after listening to that album. How do you feel about it?"

The female artist waited for the applause to end before talking,

" We are really glad to hear that." She chuckled contently, a glance at her partner before trailing, "Gray and I worked hard on it...and it was our first album together so..."

- " She worked extra hard for it," Her partner added as she shook her head playfully glaring at him. He smiled as he added, " It was her idea, so Icy waves wouldn't be possible without Juvs here." He winked at the girl, earing a smile in return.

- " He's exaggerating, its our team work."

- " Of course not." He rolled his eyes in response.

Mira chuckled at their bunter eyeing them carefully. Let's get my very wanted scoop.

- "I'm sure your fans love your teamwork. Now, let's talk about this particular song..." she started grinning slowly, earning some whistles and the name of the single from the crowd.

- " Looks like they want the same... The way your eyes burn my soul..." The interviewer paused glancing at the young stars who's cheeks were flushing slightly—at least Juvia's—Gray was doing a great job hiding it.

Mirajane Strauss cleared her throat slightly, getting their attention.

" Your voices...the feel in the song is..." she sighed softly looking for the right word, "...Magic...How did that magic happen?" She asked sincerely.

- " You said it, magic. I guess magic happens in music." Gray answered cleverly, shrugging.

- " I think that answer is too vague Gray," Mira chuckled imploring him to continue.

Gray's lips tugged up as he slid in a more comfortable position on the couch.

- " Recently at your album's success party, there were rumors of the two of you dating, so is it safe to assume the magic wouldn't have happened without that?"

Juvia smiled softly, adorable rosy hues adorning her cheeks.

- " Yes, I think it wouldn't have been magic if there's no feel in it."

Gray's smile turned into something genuine as his eyes were fondly looking over his girl beside him.

- "Are we lucky enough to get more details about it then?"

- " it, here means song right?" Gray lifted an eyebrow playfully earning some chuckles.

- " Definitely the song, but Juvia mentioned something about feel." Mira retorted with a mischievous smile, "So, I'd say the magic of the song—or love."

Gray scoffed. The audience cheered louder.

No wonder she was known for the title of the sweet devil.

Nonetheless, he responded with a natural expression. Years of experience of being the center of spotlights learned him to keep his cool in any kind of situation. He knew to give what the public wants to hear without revealing too much about his personal life neither.

- " We've known each other for a very long time. We'd each other's back through the thick and thin of our careers...so our friendship turned into something more, and I'm truly happy with the change."

The crowd went crazy and Juvia blushed slightly. He looked at her with a soft smile who smiled back brightly. God, she's so beautiful. He thought.

- " Heard that you guys! We were right! Our lovebirds here are dating!" Mira exclaimed in delight—she's a gruvia shipper after all.—" I guess it's time to say—excuse me for my language— Fucking Finally! "

People erupted more into cheers and whistles and chanted their favorite pop stars' ship name. Once the audience calmed down, the interviewer started talking again.

- " Well honestly, almost everyone were shipping you two together since forever and your chemistry is just so perfect. We felt it in the song." She stated as the stars thanked her and their fans.

- " So, now that you got your answers and I've my scoop, let's move to the fun part, shall we?" She continued cheerful with a glance at the public.

- " I don't feel it." Gray stated frowning and Juvia laughed at it.

- " The game is called 'tas-quest.' It's very simple. I'll ask you both questions concerning your partner which you've to answer honestly. Same goes with the tasks."

The two of the nodded and proceeded to play the game.

- " Okay. First question is for Juvia. Who's Gray's crush?"

- " Ouch. You sure want our couple to last?" The said guy retorted with fake mock. "I don't have any other crushes than my girlfriend, right here." He blow a kiss in her way but Juvia hit his arm, glaring at him playfully.

- " Babe. What?"

She huffed with a grin and turned to Mira, " He's a crush on his childhood friend."

- " What?! That was years ago! I was eight! And she's married now, thank you very much." He crossed his arms with a huff.

- " It's still a crush." She argued back.

- " She's a point." Mira smirked as Gray glared at her.

- " Your turn, who's the most jealous between the two of you?"

- " Obviously Juvia." The male singer laughed though his companion she gasped offended at him.

Mira bit back a chuckle as she looked at the young couple in amusement. Juvia pointed a finger at her boyfriend, "You got jealous of a fan on our last concert." 

Gray crossed his arms with a roll of eyes. " He was too close."

- " Because he wanted to take a photo." She retorted with a scoff.

- " Yeah right. He invaded your private space and I protected you being the charming boyfriend I am." Gray muttered under his breath, not loud enough for the fans to here but Juvia and Mira did. The latter smirked while the female singer rolled her eyes but allowed a smile.

He was too cute when he was jealous.—She thought endearingly. Without a word she placed her hand on the his that was resting in the bare space between them and caressed it to smooth him. It worked as he gave her a look and she smiled. He turned his aside fighting back a smile of his own.

The reporter cleared her throat to her their attention, "Moving on to the next  quest—oh it's actually a task for Juvia." She set her gaze on the girl who hastily pulled her hand away.

- " Yes ?"

- " You've to admit to Gray three of your secrets concerning him that you never would have told him." That earned chuckles and whispers.

- " Now it's interesting. I'm all ears Juvs. " He crossed his arms in curiosity, a playful gleam in his eyes.

- " Oh god, tell me I've a joker." She groaned in response—"Nope." Gray and Mira said at the same time.

Juvia pouted, "If I tell him my secret then it's no more a secret."

The sweet devil giggled, " That's basically the point of the game." The girl pouted more but turned her body slightly to her partner who was looking at her amused.

- " I've always found you cuter when you're sleeping...because you're messy, relaxed and actually a kid." She smiled tenderly at him as his cheeks tinted slightly. Their fans cooed. "...So I may have or may not have snapped pictures of you while sleeping." It was her turn to blush as he recovered from his flustered state to smirk at her handsomely.

- " Will we get some of them? " Mira interrupted.

- " Absolutely not." Juvia chuckled, "They're mine." The young girls sighed heavily but grinned at their favorite couple.

- " Next secret Wat'drop." Gray raised an eyebrow challengingly.

- " I stole one of your hoodies a few months ago and got to know recently that it's your favorite since you went through your room for it." She admitted with a cute frown.

- " Wait. My Detective Conan?" He asked in disbelief. His girlfriend bowed her head. " Guilty." She looked up at him again, " You're mad?" He rolled his eyes at her cuteness. How could he be mad at her when she was looking like that?

Instead of giving her a verbal answer, he ruffled her hair affectionately. Juvia smiled and promised herself to find him the real one he was looking for—the one he had that she stole (because she missed him too much), was not the one he wanted originally. The stocks wore off as it was a limited edition and he got himself the closest thing to the original. So, she would  buy him the one originally he wanted.

- " You guys are really cute together!!" Their interviewer squealed as she looked at them and the crowd agreed with her.

They thanked her and Juvia proceeded to the last secret with a groan. "Arghh...I can't believe I'm confessing this to you on a live show."

Gray's eyebrow lifted, " That much secret?" He frowned concerned, " You don't need to tell it."

Juvia shook her head, " No, I should play fair." She mumbled as she stared around at her fans and smiled at them. She then squeezed Gray's hand and locking her eyes on him.

- " I had a crush on you from the very first day I met you." Gray's eyes widened slightly, surprise written all over his face. They forgot they got a loud audience as he blinked at her.

- " Really?"

- " Really." She said softly. He leaned to her side, and kept his voice low. The public didn't notice their murmurs as they've gone wild since Juvia's confession.

-" I don't understand...you didn't like me back then..." He frowned. Juvia gave him a look that meant 'later'.

Mira cheered and turned to them,

" Thanks for playing fair Juvia! You're awesome!"

- " Well, it's almost time. I've a last..." She looked at the small card in her hand before looking back at Gray. " task for Gray."

- " Tell us three things you like the most about Juvia." A gentle smile crossed his features as he glanced at his girl before facing Mira.

- " I think the list is long but I'll keep it short..." He held a hand up, enumerating. " She's one of the most talented and dedicated person I know. Whether it's job or studies or other common things, once she gets into it, she's determined to finish it and gives her hundred percent in everything she does. She's a hard worker and I honestly think that's the reason of her success."

Juvia was touched by his words as she stared at the man she loved talking about her so highly and proudly. She knew why she loved him so much.

- " She's a very good friend—she's this kind of friend who you would call if one day you committed a murder and don't know what to do about it. She'll help you bury the body and get you safely out of the mess." Juvia along with others laughed at his statement.— "Not that I'm planning to murder someone." He added and Juvia laughed more, leaning into him before giving him a look that meant, 'call me if you do'.

- " I guess what I'm trying to say is, she's trustworthy and be there for you through thick and thin. The kind of friend everyone needs to have in their life and I'm grateful to have her in mine." He got everyone's heart with that—if he didn't already had—as they stared at him in awe.

Gray turned to Juvia and locked his eyes with hers as he was about to say his last one. " What I love the most about you is how you look at me. You look at me as if I was your world and you love me so freely and so...easily. You accept my imperfections and love me for myself and not because I'm a star..." He held her hand and pulled her up with him as she started tearing up despite trying hard to not cry. Gray smiled lovingly at her—the one he only reserved for her and never showed in public. " Thanks for loving me, Wat'drop."

Without minding the public—because she saw only him—she brought a hand to his face and he leaned in her touch still giving her that loving look. She smiled, her heart and mind racing as her whole being was consumed of an overwhelming love for the man standing before her. She leaned in and pressed her lips against his in a sweet, soft kiss that sent the room shaking in fan's wild ovation.

When the lovebirds departed from each other with matching grins, hands still intertwined, Mira almost fainted but managed to end the show with hearts in her eyes.

*

The young couple was in the back of Gray's car as they were been driven back to their respective homes. Juvia was asleep on his shoulder as he kissed her head and stroked her hair tenderly. She's been working on her new album for the past week when they just finished their album and even before the interview, she was asked in her studio. He knew that she barely had enough for the past months. Gray was grateful to his production house to be on vacation but it's not the case for Juvia. She's to work for at least a week or two before her own holidays. Thankfully, he would be still on holidays by that time, hence he'd already planned their vacation—It was a surprise for her.

Half an hour later, Gray was carrying his girl to his bed in his penthouse slowly to not disturb her sleep. He lied her gently on it and proceeded to take her heals off and stripped himself, leaving only his boxers before climbing up in the bed with her. Juvia almost immediately clung to him like a koala, her head placed on his chest, a leg on his and an arm across his stomach. With a soft smile, he wrapped his arm around her and squeezed her to him.

- " Are you sure you don't want to get comfortable before sleeping?" He whispered after a moment. She only tightened her hold on him. Gray rolled his eyes and ran a hand in her hair as he stared down at her.

- " I know you're awake Juvs."

- " Why didn't you change my dress?" Her voice was muffled due to her position as she buried her face in his neck. "I don't mind it. It's just you."

Gray's heart skipped a beat and he rubbed circles on her bare arms.

- " I respect you too much to take advantage of you while you're sleeping." He murmured.

She raised her head up with a yawn but gave him a sleepy smile. "Gray, changing my dress to make me comfortable on bed is not taking advantage of me. You're my boyfriend so it's basically your right." He returned her smile, tucking a strand behind her ear to stare into her beautiful blue orbs.

His smile turned soon into a gorgeous smirk. Oh boy. Juvia flushed and  shivered in his hold as his hand pulled the straps of her dress slowly. His eyes were intense on her as he murmured, "Why, I don't have a problem stripping you Wat'drop." His fingers caressed her bare shoulders burning her skin as they went by.  "In fact, I prefer you naked around me." His lips trailed from her ears to cheeks down her jaw and Juvia placed her hands on his chest to push back slightly to stare down at him with an adorable pout.

- " You're such a pervert." She murmured. He pecked her lips in response before looking at her innocently. " I'm using my boyfriend rights here." She hit his chest lightly with a soft frown that turned into a smile, wiggled out of his hold ignoring his protests.

- "Close your eyes boyfriend."

- " Nope." Gray grinned back as he found the perfect position to stare at her, his eyes trailing to her bare neck and shoulders as she held the dress to her chest.

Juvia glared at him for a moment and he held her stare before she shrugged. Gray's eyes widened as she let her dress fall and pool around her feet and stood before him, clad only in her undies. He openly gaped at her too surprised to react as he took her in.

Gray knew Juvia was beautiful. He's known her for almost six years now and he'd seen her in daring dresses before.—it was part of the job. But right now, she was actually standing in his room, in his arm length, only in her navy matching underwear. She was a goddess. Before he could even process what was happening, her hand was unclasping her bra and Gray hurriedly turned to the other side, cursing as Juvia's laugh filled the room.

He was a goner if he saw her naked. He wouldn't be able to not jump her after so Gray shut his eyes tight and pushing away the amazing vision he just saw into the back of his mind as he waited for the little tease of his girlfriend to finish changing.

A moment later the bed shook and her arms slipped around his torso from behind as she placed her face on his cheek. He felt her bare legs slipping on his and he knew that she was wearing his t-shirt. He could handle it. He'd already seen her in his clothes and she's very—Stop right there, Gray.

- " Comm'o look at me..." She chuckled, "...I'm not naked—

- " Shut up." He groaned. She placed a few kisses on his cheek with a smile and after a moment, he finally turned on his back. She smiled brightly at him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

- " I love you." She whispered and kissed his jaw before tucking her face under his chin.

- " I love you too Wat'drop." He kissed her head squeezing her to him.

- " You said sweet things at the interview." She murmured.

- " I was being honest." He said as he caught her looking at him lovingly—as if he was her world. "And I meant every word."  She was his world.

She hummed happily and closed her eyes. His arms were her safe, warm cocon. Her place.

-" Speaking of interview..." she lifted her head up in question, crossed her arms on his chest and placed her face on it, staring at his face.  " You said something about crush." His lips tugged up and her own tugged hp in a slow smile under his curios gaze.

Juvia cupped his face with a hand and smiled adoringly down at him. " I had a crush on you in high school. Remember our first meet?"

He recalled it with a fond smile, " You fell on me with books dropping on us. There's so much dust and we started sneezing and the old librarian was yelling at us like a mad woman."

The blue haired girl chuckled happily. " Well, I guess I didn't only fell on you that day but also fell for you."

Gray's eyes widened, " You loved me back then?" His heart thumping against his chest and he was sure that she could hear it, judging by her smile.

- " I thought it was a crush at first. You were so handsome and—"

- " Were?" He raised a teasing eyebrow. She rolled her eyes. "—are and I just liked looking at you..." her eyes locked with his in a playful gleam. " That is until I knew that you were my rival in everything. Literally everything!" She groaned dropping her head on his chest. "It was so annoying. You always beat me in one point or just behind me in a point. So annoying!"

Gray snorted rubbing her back. " I was not used to have a competitor and I hated to lose." She mumbled before lifting her head to face him.

" You hate to lose too." He chuckled but didn't say anything letting her rant about how annoying it was to be constantly on war with him in high school.

- " But I loved bickering with you. I couldn't spend a day without bantering with you. Really." She looked up at him stroking his cheek. "Then, there's this project in our second year and we were partnered up."

- " We ended it, won the first prize." He murmured as she nodded eagerly. " We became friends during that period..." He trailed tracing his finger on her cheek.

- " We were already kinda friends—frenemies, I guess. I've always admired you. You were the first person I've ever met with so much determination to win." She whispered eyes closed.

- " Hmm, I liked you too. But too arrogant to admit it." She snorted at his statement.

- " Then best friends. We were inseparable by the end of high school..." Gray hummed a nod. " You supported me before my uncle to pursue music career."

- " It's because you were incredibly talented Wat'drop." He said sincerely. She smiled as his finger traced the form of her lips.

- " That's an exaggeration but thank you for the compliment." She opened her eyes to look at him, " Want to know something? " He rose an eyebrow, silently asking her to continue. "You were my inspiration to fight for what I want, to fight for my dream." She kissed his forehead gently, " I won't be here without you, Gray Fullbuster."

- " And I won't without you. You were my only family when things fell apart." He retorted as he recalled his dark period—when Ur died.

" You were my strength and my very reason to not give up." Her eyes glistened as his welled up, and she kissed his eyelids, lingering when lips there. "If it wasn't for you, I'd be in streets."

- " You had all our friends with you. We all had your back."

- " True. I'm grateful for them but you, Juvia, you're special. You held me together." She smiled tearfully.

- " You are special to me too. Always have been."  He mumbled an 'I know' and rolled them over earning a surprised squeal from her as her back hit the mattress.

She stared up at him bringing him closer with her arms around his neck.

- " When did you know you loved me?" He asked gazing into her eyes.

- " Last year, when you were in your world tour." His love brushed the hair of his nape as he leaned his forehead against hers. " It started with little things. Like when I spent weekends in our friend's place watching movies and how you were not there to lean on or throw my legs on..." He grinned.

- " Then, we'd go to get a coffee and you weren't there to know that I don't add milk in my coffee. Then, I started missing your voice. I'd call you and couldn't get you so I would listen to your voicemail to hear your voice."

He leaned back to look at her apologetic, his being bursting with love for her. " Sorry about that. You know we barely have our phones on world tour."

- " I know, don't worry about it. But I yearned to hear your voice." He kissed her nose and lips in response.

- " By the time you were back, I knew I was madly in love with you and I couldn't imagine a life without you."

He could feel the love in her voice as she said it.

- " You aren't kidding—you practically choked me to death when you hugged me once you saw me in the airport." He teased with a grin.

- " Yeah well, I just realized I loved my best friend for years and you weren't there for eight moths. I wanted to lock you in a room and never let you go away from me."

- " It's creepy." He grinned.

- " You wouldn't have minded would you—wait why're you grinning?"

His grin widened and she held his face up and forced his eyes to hers. A moment in silence passed between them. Both of their hearts beating in sync as the realization settled over.

Juvia worded it slowly.

- " You loved me." Her tone was barley a whisper as she remained their eye lock.

- " I've loved you for a long time Wat'drop. A very very longtime that I denied and fought back my feelings."

- " Why?"

- " Because I've just lost Ur. And I've lost everyone I've loved. You, losing you...was unimaginable... I was terrified that my feelings will take you away from me so I fought them back to keep you with me. "

- " You wouldn't have lost me if you made a move earlier, Gray." She took a breath, " I've always denied my feelings for you as a crush and admiration until I really couldn't lie to me anymore..."

Gray sighed in response, "We we're both idiots huh..." She groaned, " We wasted years! We could've been together while we were still in Uni!"

Gray looked up at her, " Hey, we're together now and we've always loved each other without knowing so we're good." He shrugged and pecked her lips as she still had her pout on.

- " I'm a bit worried you...we are no more high school kids. We are popular now, successful stars in industry. And we're dating." Her voice dropped as she looked at him, " Going in public, was it a bad idea?"

- " Do you regret it?" He brushed away her hair, and she shook her head. "I'm just concerned about what it could do to our relationship...as much as I love my fans, when it's comes to their favorite celebrity's love life, they'd go crazy. Especially when two celebrities are dating. They don't see the fact that under the mask of popularity, it's two normal people with feelings and we can't really fault them." Her eyes started stinging as she stared at him. "I can't lose you, Gray."

He quickly reassured her pulling her in a tight hug. " You won't lose me." He pulled back slightly despite her pressure to stay like that. He stared into her eyes, " Didn't you say that I'm the most determined person you know?" A nod, "Juvia, I fight for what I want. " He lifted her chin up. " I'll always fight for you." He swore.

- " Promise?" Her tone was frail, and he smiled at her. " Promise. And you promise to fight for me?"

- " Always."

She brought a hand between them, holding up her little finger, He wrapped his around it and smiled when he saw their tattoos matching as their fingers locked together. Juvia dragged him to the tattoo parlor past midnight to get it in their half drunken states a few weeks ago. It was on the day of the success party of their first album together, Icy Waves. So they got themselves tattooed a drop of water on his finger and a snowflake on hers.

There's no ice without water and no water without ice. And Gray would be damned if he didn't keep that promise.

**********************

💧❄️ Happy Belated Gruvia day! ❄️💧

[wil-is-done]

When You’re A Mystery Kid - Chapter 22A: I Am Danny Phantom - Part 1

Summary: The Mystery Kids visits the city of Amity Park.

Word Count: 3.242

-

IMPORTANT NOTE: This is a repost.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters featured here.

Danny Phantom.

The first time Norman came across that name was after Halloween of last year, about a few weeks after his encounter with Aggie. He was browsing through some of his favorite occult and conspiracy theory websites out of boredom when a brand new article caught his eye. It talked about rumors of a real-life superhero going by the name of Danny Phantom, who battled supernatural threats with seemingly supernatural powers of his own. Norman was intrigued, and quickly became a fan. He had searched around in his spare time for more information about the mysterious hero in the following months, but every site he went to only contained theories and more vague rumors. The only thing people could agree about was that he operated around Amity Park, a city in Minnesota. Even after Danny’s popularity rose to the point that he was talked about in national television, nobody couldn’t seem to figure out who he was exactly. 

That is, of course, until the whole asteroid thing.

Not even a month after the Mystery Kids stopped Weirdmageddon, a gigantic asteroid hurtling through space was set on a direct collision course with Earth. Norman remembered how, even with the Mystery Kids scattered across the country, they still frantically tried to find a way to stop it. Norman remembered the despair they felt, once they realized none of them knew what to do, and they all resigned themselves to their inevitable deaths. Suddenly, in one of the most bizarre experiences in his life, he felt a strange shift in his state of being, and then for a few quick seconds, he saw what the insides of an asteroid looked like. It wasn’t until he turned on the news that he found out that Danny Phantom, along with some of his allies, turned all of Earth intangible, letting the asteroid pass through harmlessly. That same news broadcast was also when the hero revealed his true identity; a teenager named Daniel Fenton. 

Norman remembered Coraline joking about how similar his real name and his superhero name was, and while Norman was a fan, he couldn’t help but agree.

The world was abuzz with the news of its savior, as well as the undeniable proof that the supernatural truly do exist. Norman didn’t hear much from the hero after that. He had guessed Daniel wanted to keep his private life a secret, even after he ousted himself to the world, and Norman could respect that. He certainly wouldn’t want strangers poking into his private life after Aggie or after Weirdmageddon. That’s precisely the reason why he felt weirded out, not to mention uncomfortable, to be reading Daniel’s case file.

Daniel Fenton, aged sixteen. Second child of Jack and Madeline Fenton. Younger brother to Jasmine Fenton. Lived in Amity Park his whole life. Currently enrolled in Casper High School. First known by the name of ‘Invis-o-Bill’, and later as ‘Danny Phantom’. Exhibits supernatural powers that seemed to stem from his half-ghost nature.

Norman squinted again at that part.

Half. Ghost.

What?

“Yo, Norm.”

Norman blinked, looking up from the document in his hands. Neil stood in front of him.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Get ready, dude. We’re about to land.”

Norman looked around the jet, finding the rest of the Mystery Kids already left their seats and were currently preparing their gear. Norman took a peek outside the jet’s window, spotting the city of Amity Park that had started to come into view.

“Ah, right. Sorry.” Norman set the document aside, unbuckled his seat belt, and rose to his feet.

“Still reading his file?” Dipper asked as he pulled his journals out of the overhead compartment and stuffed them into a backpack. “I can’t blame you. It’s interesting stuff.”

“Uh… yeah.” Norman glanced down at the file, brows furrowed. “It’s… really something.”

Norman felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to find it was Neil’s, watching him with a worried expression. “Something bothering you, Norman?”

“No, no, it’s nothing, just…” Norman paused, brows furrowing again, “… he’s half-ghost.”

“I know, right? Freaky.” Neil grinned.

“Yeap, super freaky-deeky!” Mabel added from somewhere in the front.

“No, guys, you don’t get it, saying he’s half-ghost implied that-!” Norman pinched the bridge of his nose, “Ghosts aren’t a different species! It’s a different state of being! How can you be half of it?!” He took in a quick, calming breath. “Sorry, this is just… it’s breaking my worldview.” 

“Heh, yeah, you can say that again. This is like finding out ghosts actually exist all over again.” Neil looked off into the distance with a smile that Norman found to be strangely wistful. “I mean, if ghosts are a thing, then that means there’s an afterlife, and that means there’s probably a Heaven and Hell, and that means God probably exist too.”

Norman stared at Neil in silence. All other activities in the jet ceased as the others joined him in his silence.

Coraline was the first to speak again. “Neil, next time, do us a favor and keep that existential shit to yourself.”

“Gotcha, cap’n.”

Coraline tensed and sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Again with the whole ‘captain’ thing. Would you guys please cut that out?”

“Well, you kinda are the captain, Jonesy.” Wybie pointed out.

“So is Raz!” Coraline pointed over to Raz, who sat closer to the cockpit. “How come he never got the ‘captain’ treatment?”

Raz, who were occupied with rummaging through a bag, replied without bothering to look up. “That’s because, unlike you, I’m not bothered by it.”

“Plus, he really doesn’t need the ego boost.” Lili added, prompting a short laugh from her boyfriend. 

“Speaking of our dear captain,” Raz pulled out what looked like an emerald-colored, six-inch long metal rod from the bag, walked over to Coraline, and held the item out to her, “I was ordered to give this to you.”

Coraline raised an eyebrow curiously. “And what exactly is that?”

“Basically, it’s a psychic stun baton.” Lili quickly explained. “It’s infused with a small dose of psitanium so it can emit short bursts of telekinetic pulses. We usually give it out to non-psychic VIPs for self-defense purposes.”

“Sasha juiced this one up by a lot, so it can do way more than self-defense.” Raz continued. “Just press this button near the top here and you’re good to go.”

Coraline eagerly took the rod from Raz’s hand. She inspected it closely, turning it over in her hands a few times with a smile. “They’re rolling out the cool gadgets already, huh?”

“It’s really just a small token while everything else gets sorted out.” Raz quickly turned to the rest of the group. “For the rest of you guys; don’t worry, you’ll get some cool stuff too eventually.”

Norman couldn’t imagine what kind of ‘cool gadgets’ would aid him in what he could do, but he had to admit the mere prospect of owning one still excited him. 

“Agents.” A voice called out from the cockpit. The source was none other than the blonde-haired woman piloting the jet. Norman recognized her as Agent Danvers, the same Psychonaut agent who picked him and Neil up on that fateful day, and as Norman found out just a few hours ago, one of the few Psychonaut agents that Sasha and Milla personally handpicked to help them in supervising the Mystery Kids.

Norman perfectly understood why Sasha and Milla needed some extra help. His group of friends could be quite a handful.

“Figured out a spot to land yet?” Agent Danvers asked.

Raz glanced up at Coraline with a mischievous smile. “I say we park in Casper High’s front yard.”

“No.” Coraline glared. “Unlike your Psychonaut buddies, we still remember what ‘subtle’ means, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Alright, alright, sure.” Raz shrugged. “One question, though. Why?”

Coraline gave Raz an incredulous expression. “What do you mean, why?”

“Coraline, we live in a post-Disasteroid world.” Raz replied, spreading his arms out wide. “The secret is out. There’s really no point in being subtle anymore.”

Dipper cleared his throat, calling all attention to him. “You know, for once, I have to agree with Raz. Our mission statement is to uncover secrets, not make more.” he stated. “Besides, it’ll be faster that way, won’t it? The faster, the better.” 

Coraline opened her mouth to retort, but then she paused, before she flopped down into a nearby seat with a huff. “Look, just because we don’t need to sneak around on our tiptoes anymore don’t mean we have to strut everywhere we go.” she grumbled, her fingers absentmindedly pulling at her hair. 

“I’m just saying, it really would be faster.” Dipper pointed out, earning him a rather intense glare from Coraline.

Norman decided now to be a good time to chime in. “Well, if Coraline is our captain, then I guess it’s her call, right?”

In response, Coraline sent him a smile of gratitude. “Thank you, Norman.” That smile then turned into a smirk directed towards Raz and Dipper.  Raz simply raised his hand in defeat, while Dipper shrugged and went back to manage his backpack.

“So? What is the call, captain?” Lili asked, her arms crossed. Norman could tell she was getting impatient. 

Coraline rose to her feet, though not before shooting Lili a quick sour look, and turned to address Agent Danvers at the cockpit. “Skirt around and try to find a good place to land in the woods. We’ll enter the city on foot.” Agent Danvers nodded in reply, before Norman felt the jet shift to follow Coraline’s orders. Norman had to admit, he was surprised at how accepting the agent was at taking orders from a teenager. Norman didn’t know many adults who would have that kind of demeanor.

“And then? What, we just walk around the city until we run into him?” Lili promptly asked. Coraline opened her mouth to reply, only for another voice to interrupt him.

“Uh, guys?” Wybie raised his hand, grinning. Everyone turned their attention towards him. 

“For that one, I think I might actually have an idea.”

-

The Phantom statue was bigger than Norman thought it would be. From the pedestal it was placed upon, to the carved figure of Danny himself, to the planet that rested on Danny’s outstretched arm, Norman guessed the whole thing must be at least twenty feet tall, or maybe even more. He had always wanted to see the statue in person - he and Neil even made plans to see it at one point - and although he never expected it to be under these circumstances, he was still ecstatic nonetheless. However, it quickly became clear not everyone shared his excitement.

“Why-were-you-born, I swear to god, if you dragged us here just so you can take selfies in front of this stupid statue, I will take my new psychic baton and shove it up where the sun don’t shine.”

Wybie, who was in the middle of taking a camera out of his pocket, froze under Coraline’s glare. “Well, for one, I won’t be taking selfies.” he said, nervously, with a nervous chuckle. “And, well, for another, I just thought, you know, maybe this is his favorite place to hang out? I mean, it’s pretty cool, as far as hangout places go, right?”

Coraline didn’t say anything in reply. Instead, she swiftly fished out the six-inch long metal rod she had just received from her satchel and started marching menacingly towards Wybie. Wybie yelped and immediately sprinted away, though amazingly he still took some pictures even as he sprinted. Norman decided not to interfere, for once. Issues that arise between Coraline and Wybie have a habit of sorting itself out, and he’s certain this one was no different.

That was his excuse, as he quietly took his phone out of his pocket and started taking pictures himself. 

Beside him, Lili let out a long sigh, her face buried in her hands. Raz, while still grinning at the duo that were now caught up in a full-on chase around the statue, gave her a comforting pat on the back. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing we don’t find Danny here.” Lili conceded. “If he’s the type of guy that likes to hang around his own statue, I’d seriously reconsider recruiting him to the team.”

Norman was surprised to see Neil step up next to him, pulled out his phone, and started taking pictures as well. He glanced at Norman with a sheepish smile, which Norman reciprocated with a similar smile. Neil wasn’t as huge of a fan of Danny Phantom like Norman was, but it’s still not every day they get to visit a monument dedicated to an actual, real-life superhero.

Mabel, who had so far been quiet with both hands on her hips, suddenly announced, “Welp, since we’re already here…” before she took off running towards the statue with a grin.

Dipper’s eyes widened in panic, quickly chasing after her sister with a cry of, “Wait, no, Mabel!”

Raz really had to hold himself back from laughing. Meanwhile, Lili hissed out a low, frustrated, “Oh my god.”

Fifteen minutes passed before the Mystery Kids were finished with their respective, impromptu business. Norman and Neil had managed to take quite a handful of pictures, and they both agreed to share some with Wybie later. Speaking of Wybie, her chase with Coraline ended somewhat peacefully, with Coraline’s psychic baton decidedly not shoved up his rear end. Mabel returned, though now wearing a pout, after she got a stern talking to from both Dipper and the local security. Apparently, she tried to climb the statue with her grappling hook. Nonetheless, the Mystery Kids eventually reconvened in the middle of the square, some in a sourer mood than others.

Coraline sent Wybie a pointed glare. “You pull a stunt like that again, Wybes, and I might make good on my promise.”

“Gimme a break, Jonesy.” Wybie retorted, wiping off the sweat on his forehead. The chase seemed to leave him quite winded. “This statue’s the only one left in the world. It’s already been taken down everywhere else. You’re dreaming if you think I’m not gonna take advantage of this.”

Meanwhile, Dipper had his arms crossed, wearing an expression that was a mix of anger and disappointment. “Remember when I made that promise to not do too many stupid things, Mabel? I think you might have to promise me that, too.”

“I just wanted to test out my grappling hook!” Mabel whined, still pouting. “I haven’t used it since the end of summer! I just wanna make sure it works right!”

“I can think of ten other ways you could have done that without almost getting us arrested.” 

Mabel’s pout shifted into a cheeky grin. “And none of them are as fun.”

Dipper simply shrugged. “Fair point.”

“So.” All heads immediately turned towards Lili, who wore a look dark enough to send a shiver down Norman’s spine. “Are we done? Please tell me we’re done embarrassing ourselves.” 

“Well, that depends.” Coraline turned her attention to both him and Neil. “You two got anything stupid you wanna do before we move on?”

Norman and Neil shared a knowing look, before Neil replied, “Nothing at the moment.”

Coraline breathed out in relief, a small smile appearing on her features, but that smile immediately turned into a look of outrage once Lili hissed out, “Great job on being ‘subtle’, by the way.”

“Hey, I didn’t expect these two dorks to go running off on their own!”

“One of those dorks started running because you chased him!”

“Alright, alright.” Raz quickly stepped in between Coraline and Lili. “Let’s not cause another scene, okay?”

Norman took a glance around them. Earlier, a small crowd of bystanders had gathered around them because of their antics. Even now, Coraline and Lili’s small outburst managed to turn a few heads. At least they were treated as simply a group of particularly rowdy tourists, instead of anything negative. 

Lili huffed, crossing her arms and averting her gaze. Coraline sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. With the conflict somewhat resolved, Raz continued by asking, “What’s our next move, Coraline? We’re on the clock and this is kinda been a waste of time.”

Coraline looked to be deep in thought for a few moments. “I know we know where his house is, but I don’t feel comfortable going straight there. Doing that is a bit creepy.” she casted her gaze down in a surprisingly sheepish manner. “So, I guess we check out his high school.”

Norman spotted Lili unashamedly rolling her eyes. If Coraline saw it, then she chose not to react to it.

Raz, on the other hand, reacted to the news with glee. “Alright!” he exclaimed. “We finally get to flash our new badges around!” 

“No, no, no.” Coraline quickly interjected. “We are not doing anything like that.” she put a hand on her hips, now addressing everyone in the group. “Really, for just this once, I want a relatively normal day out. No chases, no explosions, no nothing.”

Norman was extremely surprised, and yet at the same time not at all surprised, when at that very moment, he could hear, somewhat muffled in the distance, something that sounded a lot like an explosion.

Coraline’s expression remained unchanged. “You ever get the feeling that life hates you?”

“Only most of the time.” Dipper remarked with a dry smile.

They all turned their heads in the direction where they heard the sound. They easily spotted a plume of dark smoke rising against the blue sky in the distance - roughly about five blocks away, if Norman had to guess - and they caught the sound of screams and crashing metal echoing down the street as well. Even if he didn’t see it happen in person, Norman had no doubts that the sound that they heard was indeed an explosion.

“Any ideas on what that’s all about?” Dipper wondered aloud.

“I’ll tell you exactly what that is.” Grinning, Raz lowered his goggles over his eyes. “That’s our public debut.”

“So,” Coraline spoke up, glancing about at everyone, “anyone in favor of ignoring that and running the other way?” Norman kept his mouth shut. The others did the same. Coraline smiled. “I know there’s a reason why I’m friends with you guys.”

“I guess we’re postponing our actual mission again, huh?” Lili said with a sigh.

Norman decided to share his thoughts. “Well, if Danny really is the hero that we’ve heard so much about, I have a feeling we’re going to run into him there.” 

“Alright, two birds with one stone!” Raz swiftly put on a battle-ready stance. “C’mon, Coraline! The hunt…!”

Despite herself, Coraline grinned as well. “… is on!”

Raz was the first to sprint towards the plume of smoke.

“Mystery Kids, move out!”

-

So, I know I’ve been hyping this up as the ‘Danny-Mystery Kids team-up chapter’, but unfortunately I was not able to finish it in time for my regular schedule, so I had to split this into two parts in order to stick to my schedule. Apologies for this. I promise not to make a habit out of it.

The second part should be up by this time next week.

Thanks for reading this first part, and I hope you have a good day!

[scrawnytreedemon]

Neurodivergency, and Sephiroth

Right, I’m going to see if I can try and explain why this reading appeals to me.

For some background, I’ve watched a full silent LP of the OG, watched Advent Children, and am largely familiar with his characterisation in Crisis Core(though it gets a bit patchy in some areas). I am not familiar with his characterisation in KH, Dissida, or any other spinoff appearances.

I’m going to be looking at this with an autistic lens, as, hey, I’m autistic, however much of these patterns aren’t exclusive to autistic people by any means and thus are fairly applicable to other labels.

This is an explanaition on why I find this element worth considering, and while I hope that others can relate or take away something from this, in many ways it is highly personal and not intended to be a decleration on Sephiroth’s ‘true nature,’ as it were. I’m not claiming that this was intended by the writers-- Infact, I’d be very surprised if they considered it, at all --As many of the traits he exhibits could be brushed aside as due to his upbringing.

That being said, let’s get into it!

1. Alienation

A common thread in neurodivergency, autism in particular, is some form of alienation. This doesn’t necessarily mean being outcast-- I, for one, have been largely accepted by those around me, and yet there is still that sense of being ‘other‘ that’s always been there, long before I even had a word for it.

Now, of course, in Sephiroth this is more related to his lineage, and how it’s expressed in... well, everything. Even still, I find value in expanding that, and considering just how getting the sense you’re implicitly divided from your peers.

There is, of course, the matter of Sephiroth’s literal isolation-- However, as fun as those scenarios are to play around with, I don’t think Sephiroth was raised wholly, or even mostly in the labs. The reason being that it would be nigh impossible to have hid just what made Sephiroth different, especially knowing how observant he is. It’s clear that Sephiroth had had extensive contact with other children, as epitomised by the line:

“I knew ever since I was a child, I was not like the others. I knew mine was a special existence. But this is not what I meant!” 

Sephiroth was painfully aware that he is different, even if he didn’t know exactly how. It is at once an oddly thrilling, and lonely sensation. Thrilling, because-- Hey! --You can do and see things others can’t and/or wouldn’t; and lonely, because it makes it hard to relate to others or have them relate to you.

2. Socialisation

I would like to start off by saying that, while I find it a tad more faithful and endlessly less grating than Sex God Sephiroth, Sephiroth is not a complete and utter social failure. While it’s clear he has difficulty articulating emotions and understanding others, it’s very clear even still that he knows how the game works, and knows how to play it.

This is going to dip far more into speculation territory, so buckle up.

A thing that, perhaps, I don’t see talked about often enough online when it comes to neurodivergent experiences, is that many things that are considered ‘normal‘ get experienced as systems that we need to actively learn and maneuver-- Socialisation especially!

Now, of course there is always some degree of social interaction being a give and take, a step forth and step back, regardless of neurotype, but it’s dialed up far more when you deviate from ‘the norm.‘

If I can give my own example, a thing I struggled with when I was little was humour! Not because I didn’t find things funny, or didn’t know what it was, but because I had issues grasping at the machinations of what made something funny. This lead to alot of nonsensical jokes that left my siblings confounded, until I picked up a joke-book, and started analysing from there. It was mostly alot of puns, which! Due to their simple structure, are a great way to learn the basics! I didn’t even know this was unusual, until my mother pointed it out to me years later.

And that method goes for alot of things.

Sephiroth, above all else, is observant. He makes efforts multiple times throughout the OG and Crisis Core to check up on others and ask how they’re doing. He asks Cloud how he feels returning to his hometown, and about seeing his mother, and urges Zack to check up on Aerith in Crisis Core, to name some notable examples. Even if you get the sense that his attempts are, perhaps, a little ungainly, it makes it clear more than anything that Sephiroth tries.

I think the reason that people have leaned alot more into the overly-awkward perception of Sephiroth in recent times, is because it humanises him. I feel there’s been far more of a shift within fandom to focus on the mundane, on relatability, on humanity. A veneer of endless, effortless confidence really isn’t that sexy anymore-- When sexual-appeal even comes into the matter, at all.

That being said, this section more than anything, I think, is very easy to brush aside due to his... interesting upbringing. Depending on how you construe the timeline, Sephiroth got sent to war as early as twelve, and wouldn’t have had much of an oppurtnity to develop these skills in a healthy and timely manner.

Even without that, a degree of social awkwardness is far from exclusive to any particular neurotype-- It’s the way it arises in him, though, that piques my interest.

3. Analysis and Obsession

This... I think, is the one where I’ll be grasping at straws the most.

While, yes, the obsessive research demonstrated in the OG during the Nibelheim incident and even before that to a lesser extent in Crisis Core could be some indication of a degree to absolutely immerse yourself in a subject in that Very Autistic WayTM, more than anything these are brought on by dire circumstance(the former especially by the question of his very humanity), and as we don’t see Sephiroth as a child, it’s uncertain as to whether he displayed these behaviours as such and to this degree under ‘normal‘ circumstances.

Even so, I get the feeling that Sephiroth is very analytically-minded, in a very Stranger In A Strange World sort of way(not in any way referring to the 1961 novel by a similar name, lmao). I get the feeling he’s the type of person to pick up some highly-esoteric text just for fun and come away with a menagerie of strange and unusual and obscenely specific factoids that he’ll remember for the rest of his life.

Like, someone might mention a topic offhandedly, and though he’d keep his mouth shut because He’s Like ThatTM, a slew of all the little bits and pieces he’s seen or read on the matter over the years would just jump to mind.

What I’m trying to say is, I think Sephiroth would take joy in painstakingly pouring and mulling over topics that not many people would have the consideration nor the mind to hold any long-term, inimate interest in.

If the last point was easily brushed aside, then this one you’d merely have to breathe and it’d fall apart. Nonetheless, I feel that within fandom’s current common framework with how we perceive Sephiroth, this wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

I, however, want to make it clear that I can see the issue with labelling Sephiroth as neurodivergent. He could all too easily fall into the cliché of cold, emotionally and socially-inept, often rather callous depictions we see all too often in the heavily-neurotypical media that sees us as Missing Something; less than. Things have gotten better, but even still, there’s such a tendency to flatten us down to the things we can’t do, or lawd as us Potential Einsteins in spite of it-- Which, just, while it happens, on the whole it isn’t very helpful or realistic to expect this from us.

We are by no means a monolith, and while I take comfort in the idea of a neurodivergent Sephiroth, I understand that for some, it can feel like taking on a label to a character that vaguely fits the stereotype, and thus, perhaps, insinuating that to be autistic you have to look Like That-- And when it comes to villains in particular, it’s all too easy to dip into demonisation.

This isn’t even getting onto some of the issues that’d have this fall apart, were we to look at other symptoms. The first that comes to mind, and one that even I, as innocuous as I am, experience: sensory overload.

While it is entirely possible that Sephiroth learned to deal with it accordingly in life, or was forced to surpress it, because Shinra’s Science Department(cough cough Hojo) has been shown time and time again to force its subjects into little boxes and blame them for any failures expressed, the fact is that such a symptom could make fighting on the battlefield downright impossible.

Again, this is something that could’ve been given a ‘solution‘(as much as you can or even should think about long-term surpressing your basic thresholds), it nonetheless remains an issue.

I just hope that, on the whole, this served as some food for thought.

TL;DR: Sephiroth is autistic because I Vibe With It.

Also, happy Disability Pride!

[collecting-stories]

Shit Talk - JJ Maybank

Request: Hi !! can i please get a boyfriend JJ Maybank x kook!reader, she decides its time for JJ to meet her kook friends knowing that they’ll like him but they ended up liking him a little too much because all they did was flirt & compliment him and they also kept embarrassing reader infront of JJ to make them seem better than her? Basically fake friends trying to steal your gorgeous boyfriend out of jealousy and reader starts to cry because of this and JJ gets angry!! 😭❤️❤️

Outer Banks Masterlist

-

JJ slammed the door on your suv as he got out, eyes already on the large plantation style home you were parked in the horseshoe driveway of. Despite the sunglasses he was wearing he shielded his eyes as he stared at the opposing building. “Can we talk about why you’re forcing me to come to this party if you hate all the people here?”  

“Cause they’re my friends from school. Sarah will be there too, I don’t hate Sarah.” You reasoned, grabbing the card for your friend’s birthday and making sure you had everything else on you. Keys tossed to JJ over the hood of the car as you slammed your own door shut. He slipped the lanyard around his neck.  

“No, but you constantly bitch about everyone else.”

“It’s cause they’re the worst.” You shrugged. And they were truly the worst people you knew. Like all the mean girls from every teen drama rolled into one ultimate evil entity, these girls were literal demons but you were obligated, through school hierarchy and the desire to not ruin your social standing, to attend social gatherings like birthday parties. And you’d been blowing them off lately to spend all your time with JJ.  

“But we’re going?”

“Yes.”

“I’m so confused.” JJ confessed, “you know if you don’t like someone, don’t hang out with them.”

“Says the most likable person I know.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the front door.  

“Hey, just cause everyone likes me but that doesn’t mean I hang out with people I don’t like. Except you…but I really needed a new phone so-“  

You stopped to turn and smack his arm, a fake gasp leaving your lips as if you were truly offended by his teasing. “JJ! Shut up. You’re such a jerk.”

“And yet you like me.”

“Maybe.” You shrugged, “I’m good at faking it.”

“I’ve seen you with people you don’t like…you’re incapable of fake nice.” He replied.  

“Prepare to be amazed.” You leaned up, closing your eyes and pressing your lips to his for a kiss only to be interrupted by the door opening and the distinct squeal of your most hated friend. You pulled away and turned around so fast you practically gave yourself whiplash.  

“Oh my god you made it!” Scarlett bounced out of the house, wide smile on her face as crossed the threshold and wrapped you in a tight hug. Despite dry hair and skin that looked like she’d just applied a layer of body shimmer her bikini was slightly damp against your cover-up.  

“Hey! So sorry we’re late I was halfway out the door when I saw myself in the bathing suit I was gonna wear and had to change…it was not cute.”  You lied, returning the hug. You’d pit stopped first to buy a last-minute card and take money from the atm and then to get coffee. As you had reasoned with JJ, there was no way you were surviving this pool party without caffeine in your system.  

“Lies, you look good in everything.” Scarlett insisted though she’d definitely sung a different tune in the past. Her eyes landed on JJ as she stepped back and she smiled, “whose this?”

“Oh, duh, this is my boyfriend JJ, I figured when better to introduce everyone than at Ashley’s party.” You offered, stepping aside so you weren’t blocking him.  

“For sure,” She did a once over of him like he was merchandise and JJ only smiled, biting his tongue to stop himself from saying anything you would be pissed at him for. He would save his comments for the sanctity of the car. “Well I’m Scarlett, there’s a lot of people here so if you forget just let me know and I’ll tell you.”  

“Awesome.” He replied. Scarlett grabbed his free hand, pulling him away from you and beginning to drag him inside the house as you followed behind. He looked back at you, mouthing an ‘I’m gonna kill you.’

‘Airpods’ You mouthed back, ‘and you love me.”

He shook his head, a grim expression on his face but you knew he was only joking.  

-

Despite the entire crowd being contained to the outside pool deck and yard you lost Scarlett and JJ relatively easily. Or, Scarlett lost you so she could spend quality time cozying up to your boyfriend. While you felt bad leaving him to the wolves while you found the drink table and chatted with Sarah, you weren’t too worried about him otherwise. You had heard all about JJ’s past womanizing from a wealth of jealous pogues but you didn’t have any doubt that he was faithful.  

He was a great boyfriend, better than any guy you’d dated before. Too good to be subjected to a round table of Scarlett, Ashley, and their friends. So you grabbed yourself a drink and headed over to save him.  

“Oh my god and one time-” Scarlett’s voice died off as she saw you getting closer to them and she smiled at you in faux excitement, “oh hey!”

“Hey,” you nodded at her before turning to look at JJ, “hey there you are.”  

“We were just getting to know JJ. You know, vet him and all.” Scarlett replied, leaning over her armrest to grab JJ’s arm. He shrugged her off and shifted in his seat.

“Exciting.”

“You wanna sit?” He asked, tilting his head back to look at you, pleading eyes begging you to sit down.  

“Oh I don’t think there’s a chair.” Ashley piped up, looking around the table. Four other girls occupied the chairs around them.  

“No problem, I’ll make do.” You tapped on the arm of JJ’s chair, smiling at Ashley when he moved the chair so that you could comfortably sit on his lap. He put and arm around your waist to keep you secured and laid a kiss on the side of your neck.  

“Oh, good.” Scarlett forced a smile, jaw tense. “Anyway, I was just telling JJ, do you remember that time in 8th grade when we went on that double date to the ice rink on the mainland.”  

You paled almost immediately. She was really going to play that game. “Uh…no.”  

“Oh my god!” Scarlett turned more toward JJ, wide smile on her face, “First of all, she was so chubby in 8th grade like thank god for hitting the gym and doing those CrossFit classes cause you looked like a potato. Plus she ate like everything! Do you remember that? You had like a hotdog and fries and ice cream and then we were skating and she said she didn’t feel good and she blew chunks all over the guy! Who was it, I can’t remember his name?”  

“I have no idea.” You replied.  

“Oh my god I totally remember that!” Ashley laughed. “Someone videoed it and put it up on the school’s insta...it was hilarious.”  

“Doesn’t really sound it.” JJ said, grip tightening.  

“You’re way cuter than he was anyway,” Ashley mentioned, “I think he was like a family friend or something. And you’ve stuck it out too, how long have you guys been dating?”  

“Three months.”  

“It’s good it’s the summer. You can get out before you have to experience hibernation weight.” Scarlett added and the other girls around the table laughed at the joke. You smiled nervously, trying to look unbothered by what they were saying. You should have known that the moment you sat down the attack would start, Scarlett had her eye on JJ the minute she walked out of the house.  

“What?” JJ was not laughing.  

“Oh my god, I don’t know what she does but she always gains like…what is it? Like 15 pounds?”

“Yeah.” You nodded.  

“Like 15 pounds in the winter.”  

“Yeah get her while she’s still cute cause you are way too hot to spend time stuck with someone who bloats up every winter.” Ashley replied.  

“I can’t believe I haven’t seen you around, Ashley’s right you’re super hot.”  

Suddenly Ashley smiled, reaching across the table to tap the space in front of you and get your attention. “Oh, oh my god do you remember okay, so this one time-“  

“Actually, I gotta go. I got work.” JJ said, cutting her off. He bounced his knee to signal for you to get up, “babe,”

“Yeah, of course, I’ll see you guys later.” You stood, trying to remember if JJ had told you that he had a shift today. You couldn’t think but then your mind was swimming with their insults. You were only vaguely aware of JJ grabbing your hand.  

“Seriously? You’re ditching in the middle of the party?” Scarlett asked, offended that he was leaving and even more so that he was leaving with you.  

“Yeah well,” JJ shrugged, looking over at her, “if I stay any longer I’ll probably punch one of you in the mouth so, not really in the mood to sit around and listen to you bullshit about my girlfriend.”  

“We were just joking!” Ashley insisted, “Weren’t we joking?”  

“I wasn’t laughing.” JJ replied. He tugged on your hand when you didn’t move, “come on.”  

The two of you excited the backyard and made it all the way to your car, JJ slipping in the driver’s side as you sat in the passenger seat, still trying not to have an absolute meltdown in front of him. And in front of the security cameras they would probably check later just to see if they made you cry.  

“Thanks…” You muttered, leaning against the window.  

“You weren’t kidding, they are the worst.” JJ replied as he backed down the driveway. In the santity of the car he could say what was actually on his mind and it was extensive.  

“I know.” You did know, you’d been dealing with it since you were in kindergarten and Scarlett told you that you had fat thighs. “Scarlett’s known me forever so she has years of embarrassing stories.”  

JJ nodded. He took one hand off the wheel and reached over to hold your hand. “You know I think you’re beautiful right?”  

“Yes.”  

“Yes you know and believe me or yes I don’t want to talk about it anymore so I’m agreeing with you?” He asked, glancing over at you.

You bit your lip to stop from smiling, “if you know which one it is, why are you asking?”

“Cause I want it to be the first one?” He said. “Those girls are seriously the worst.”  

“Well I hang out with them less now that Kie goes to school with me but I still have to see them sometimes. I can’t avoid it.”

“Yeah I know.”  

“Thanks for coming, and for saying you’d punch them in the mouth.” You said, laughing a little as you recalled the horrified look on Ashley’s face when he said that.  

“Them and anyone else who talks shit on you.” He replied.  

-

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