#asahi poops

[jgreaxcfdszx]

Haikyuu sleeping/night headcannons

pt. 1, pt. 2

fluff, gn!reader, I also aged up some of the characters because I think it fit more that way (it’s still sfw though don’t worry)

A/n: these aren’t worded correctly but whatever also I’ll probably make a part two

~340 words~

warnings: lev’s is suggestive

masterlist

At first Yachi has a lot of worries about sleeping with you, but once she gets comfortable she’s so cuddly and she’s even sweeter

After the night you and Tsukishima had a sleepover, he pretends as if his pillow is you. He’ll put it on his chest and stroke the top while talking to it. He literally has full blown conversations with “you” and he gives the pillow your personality

Kuroo gets really tired and he expects you to as well. So when you try to get up to use the bathroom, he assumes you’re still asleep and so he holds you down while he tries to ask his Alexa/Google Home how to stop someone who sleepwalks

Asahi loves to hide you in his chest while he kisses your head and tells you to go to sleep. He’ll just start doing it out of nowhere, no matter what you’re doing. But don’t say anything bad to him about it, it makes him feel secure

Nishinoya likes to play social media roulette, where he’ll refresh all of his socials and the first post that comes up is the last post he’ll see from that app that day. He makes such a big deal out of it that you start doing it too, so much so that now it’s a competition who’ll be done faster

Akiteru holds you in his arms tightly while he hooks his leg around you and kisses your neck. He has a secret teddy bear that he does this with when you’re not there, but you found out after he took it out of the closet while you were sleeping quietly in the bed. The closet had creaked so loudly that it woke you up with a scream, which then scared him because he thought you had left.

Lev needs skin-to-skin contact to sleep, and so it’s either you or him that’s shirtless. He prefers laying on your chest, but if you’re sad his armpit area is always open. (A/n: Does that sound weird)

[dreamingpartone]

“Thank you for the box.”

Nishinoya turned abruptly, the growing redness of his neck illuminated by the lamplight. “I...I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

my art from chapter three of Threads of Gold

also the extra little ink drawing of Asahi’s new sewing box:

[white-poppie]

Volleyball Papas

Haikyuu boys as dads

HAIKYU!! (ハイキュー!!) 

The moral-story

The kind of dads that try to be as positive as possible for their kids. They got hurt? Everything happens for a reason, sweetheart. They are always trying to teach their kids something or another, be it life skills or academic skills. They are patient with answering their kid's curiosities and repeat them as much as they want, they don't need your help in teaching the kids.

Kid: "Daddy, where do kids come from?" Them: "Go ask (parent)"

Okay, maybe there are a few exceptions.

Akaashi, Kuroo, Sugawara, Yaku, Daichi, Kita, Yamaguchi, Iwaizumi

The Sugar-daddy

The kind of dads who would spoil their kids rotten. Everything is served to the kid on a silver spoon, after all, why not? Their dad is filthy rich. Weekends are the only days they are truly free, so those days are reserved for you and their kids, he has two babies to take care of after all.

Them: "Uhu, don't cry love, I'll get you a real cat instead of the plushie." You: "Babe they are two years old!"

Kuroo, Kenma, Hinata, Kageyama, Atsumu, Bokuto, Iwaizumi

The big and chunky

The big, beefy, overprotective dads. They tower over people easily, carrying their kid in one hand and helping the old lady with another. The kind of dads who are stuck to their kids like glue. Sometimes you have to pry them off so that you can spend time with the kid too.

Them: Uhh..sorry I have a kid and a s/o, I am not interested You and Baby: ehehe *maniacal chuckle*

Osamu, Daichi, Ushijima, Iwaizumi, Bokuto, Aone, Suna, Kita, Semi, Asahi, Aran

The clueless dads

You know the kind of people who don't pay attention in science class and have no idea as to how to take care of an infant? Yep, that's them.

If you on into labour and are in pain, these mfs go "but it can't hurt as and as being kicked in the balls.' stfu boy.

Overall it takes quite some time to understand the whole 'being a dad' thing, but they only mean good.

You: "You brought pads instead of diapers..." Them: "What's the difference?"

Lev, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Atsumu, Terushima, Oikawa, Kyotani, Asahi (he is trying is best uhuhu), Tendou

The cool dads

Listen, they are like any other dads when the kid is small, once the kid becomes a teen, they become the cool dad. The best wingman, hype-machine, barbeque-maker!

They are cool, but they don't miss a chance to embarrass you.

Them: "And remember that one time you pooped in your pants at school and thought you had stinky mud on your shorts?" *sniff* Kid: "Dad...why are you including this in my wedding speech?"

Tanaka, Nishinoya, Atsumu, Terushima, Tendou

The baby-language experts

They think they understand what the baby is saying when they are an infant. You will see them having a full-on conversation with the child when they can only babble. (spoiler: They do not know how to talk in baby language and end up offending the baby instead.)

Baby: "ADADABAH!" (Translation: Dad you are stupid)

Them: "Mhm, Gugu-gaga!" (Translation: ...eat lady gaga?!)

Baby: *Gasp*"JABAHABAH!" (Translation: (Parent!) daddy is acting weird! )

Them: "MEEBAHAHA" (Translation: Chimpanzees dance on Hippopotamus)

Baby: *screech*

Bokuto, Hinata, Yamaguchi, Sugawara, Lev, Aran

ADADADADA (Translation: Don't forget to like reblog if you find it nice.)

Tags:  @rintaroubby @nanaseishiro, @akumicchi, @oikawatoorupdf @dislownini @idowritingandstuff, @bakaface @denkis111, @jazzylove,@maybeleftoverjourneys, @lordmypantsaresocool, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle, @kristaline2dmensimp

[yamagucji]

Embarrassing moments

warnings. just for shits n giggles, 14+ readers preferably, mentions of vomit, poop, choking, etc.

HINATA was extremely constipated and needed to use the bathroom quick. but there’s a long line to the mens bathroom (what’s the occasion anyway??) and he’s standing all the way at the back. poor hinata felt a fart coming so he just couldn’t... hold it in. mans SHARTED. shitted and farted at the same time. it stunk so bad that the guys in front of him said, “damn, you need the toilet more than me,” and let him cut in line.

USHIJIMA and tendou stopped to pet this dog during their walk. tendou’s conversing with the owner while toshi’s petting the dog. dog likes it, it’s all good. until... it got bored and decided that toshi’s butt smelled good. dog just wouldn’t stop sniffing his ass. “please, stop smelling me,” toshi says with desperation, which now catches the others’ attention. the owner has to pry their dog away from toshi’s ass cheeks, please. the awkward tension kinda dies down until tendou utters, “so, what’s your secret? what product are you using?”

YAMAGUCHI drank water in the middle of silent class reading. this boy started choking— and i mean choking on his water. you can hear his muffled coughs in the distance and when you turn around to look at him, his face is all red and his cheeks are puffy. none of his classmates say anything but you can practically feel second-hand embarrassment oozing around. the assistant teacher even has the audacity to say, “drink some water.”

KENMA’s calling this one his last try. he sticks his remaining coins into the slot and tries to get the brand new nintendo box thats in the machine. mf has been going at this for over twenty minutes now. his pouch is empty and there’s a crowd of kids waiting for him. no miracle happens in his last try (shit got stuck!!) so he has to move away only to watch in horror— as the kid after him manages to get it. you’re gonna have to hold kenma down before he hunts that kid with every bit of his soul.

DAICHI had a fat one coming in, that’s for sure. thought it was a free real estate just because everyone else in the camp seemed asleep. so he let that monster fart come out (even partly stuck out his thigh for better airway). whole team was awake in a matter of seconds. nishinoya’s jumped off his sleeping bag and asking everyone if they heard that “loud bang.” tanaka’s over here sniffing around because he knows that no one has got some kind of bomb that stinks.

SAKUSA’s not gonna admit to this one. but one time he opened a bathroom stall (it was unlocked) only to find that it was occupied. there are no words to accurately describe just how horried the sight was. sitting on the toilet was a man taking a shit, with his dick on full boner mode, staring back at sakusa. they only made eye contact for just 2 seconds but sakusa’s seen enough. he’s heard enough too, when said stranger asked him, “you wanna join me?”

ASAHI projectile vomited at the theaters. you should’ve known it was a bad idea to take him out to dinner before going to watch a scary movie. man had no courage to tell you he had an upset stomach nor tell you he’s not a fan of horror. it’s twenty minutes into the movie and he’s poking your arm— but you don’t notice because you’re too engrossed. another twenty minutes, and a jumpscare comes on. man beside you vomits like there’s no tomorrow. ya’ll spend the rest of the movie secretly trying to clean his throw-up.

TENDOU was watching anime in his dorm peacefully. until... the whole shiratorizawa team opened the door just in time for the show to switch up to an inappropriate scene. out of all the times they could’ve walked in, they really had to come when 2d clown man was moaning and fighting a kid? tendou scrambled to close his laptop but now he’s just staring back at his teammates; silent, except for the fact that his show is still playing and you can still hearing moaning in the background.

TSUKISHIMA turned his house upside down and still couldn’t find his glasses, nor his extra pair. he was about to leave bare eyed until his mom caught him and forced him to wear his sports glasses. yeah, the one with the whole strap and everything. mans looked like a fool coming to school with it on. people who didn’t know it was his sports glasses mistook it for swimming goggles. he’s so utterly humiliated now, he can’t even bite back when hinata or kageyama says something.

GOSHIKI... i don’t even know what to tell you. who let this kid go further into the lake by himself? it’s all fun and games for everyone until you hear an ear-defeaning shriek by your one and only goshiki. he’s yelling out, “help me! please! help!!” the lifeguards start kicking in and everyone’s trying to make way. is he drowning? is there something there? no for god’s sake. you find out he just made it 5 ft deep and happened to swim over a bunch of seaweed. never take him swimming again.

ATSUMU decided to check himself out using someone’s car window. he’s fixing his hair, picking at his teeth, and even checking to see if he has any boogers. all of a sudden the window rolls down and there’s a senior citizen staring back at him. “boy do you think my car is your mirror?” the man says in a gruffy voice. atsumu’s knees nearly buckle from how scary this man is and how embarrassed he is of all the four minutes he probably spent with this stranger.

SACHIRO’s job as a vet sometimes makes him do really questionable shit (from an outsider perspective). once he had to ejaculate someone’s dog in front of their owner. uh huh... jack them off, for the sole purpose of examining the dog’s semen. he’s never felt such a wave of regret wash through his body during that whole procedure. it didn’t help when the owner was looking at him mortified, nor the fact that it took such a long time.

OIKAWA does this thing were he shows up unexpectedly behind iwaizumi and slaps his ass. everytime he does it iwa always hits him back (but not the ass). today he learnt his lesson when he mistook a stranger for iwa and slapped the guys ass from the moon and back. when i tell you just how quick all the blood drained from oikawa’s body when the man turned around— you can hear a bag of chips fall at the other end of the aisle and it’s the iwa, who had to witness that whole ass-slap event.

ARAN is gonna knock the shit of the miya twins one day, he swears to god. they sent him a mysterious video during his morning walk, where he stopped at a busy street. it starts off quiet, so he goes to turn the volume up full blast. damn video suddenly started blaring ‘lick my pussy and my-’ please... he’s shaking. passerby’s are looking at him with distaste. aran’s now flushed from embarrassment and running towards the miya house. you can guess what happens next.

BOKUTO walked into the wrong house. spent a whole ten minutes rummaging around the kitchen because his friend said to “make yourself comfortable, i’ll be on my way.” little did this man know that there’s a whole family upstairs waiting for the cops to arrive because they think it’s a robbery. poor bokuto, dragged out of the house by some cops but had no idea what was going on. man was literally just vibing— thinking he was in his friends house.

OSAMU swore this size pants still fit him (hint: it doesn’t). he’s walking through the snack section of the store, lightly limping because damn his dick can’t breath. his truth is tested when he goes to pick something off the lowest shelf and his pants literally go, ‘let er rip.’ fabric tore, and what’s worse is that he was wearing onigiri undies. osamu goes to check if there’s anyone else in the aisle and there is— a group of underclassmen girls from his high school.

KUROO tried to make his chemistry presentation more interesting by putting in jokes. he thought they were funny; kenma even huffed a breath. kuroo’s at his third joke by now and literally no one has laughed. not a single one. except for kuroo himself, who’s awkwardly laughing in a dead-silent room. man was embarrassed. other people are getting second-hand embarrassment by the way they avoided eye contact with him. he vented to kenma later only for kenma to say, “it wasn’t funny. it was just stupid.” poor kuroo.

SUNA accidentally connected his bluetooth to the bus. you know, the one that drives all of inarizaki to their games. wanna guess what the fuck he might’ve been listening to? it’s porn. he’s watching porn in broad daylight. suna doesn’t realize what the issue is until he goes to turn up the volume and notices that the sound is off. he take his airpods off and that’s when he hears pure moaning sounds blaring inside the bus. everyone’s laughing— except for kita and their coach who’s still outside. mf calls himself lucky for that.

[ssssachi]

Letters and Love!

11 - WHO’S THAT FINE BABE

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Description: Y/N has been crushing on Hamada Asahi for a while (since freshman). Now that they’re in the final year of senior high, she plans on confessing to him now or never!! But ofc, there are obstacles that must be faced. And that obstacle, is his alleged GIRLFRIEND!??? She badly wants to shoot her shot but knowing her crush has already have a lover, she decides to only write him letters full of love and confessions and continue admiring him from a far. With no plans on revealing her identity to him whatsoever. Or that’s what she thought..

Taglist (open): @enhacolor @carateum1 @eboyjuni @softforqiankun @kyufilms @oceanyocean @wony6ung @luvelyxp @moon-gyus @sunoo-bby @diestheticu @nanasdream @kyutekyuala @yedamdamn @kurodach @ksunwooqt

important a/n: i won’t be updating letter and love ‘till fri/sat bcos i’ll be joining youth camp starting tomorrow and will end in friday! Hope y’all are not bored with the smau 😵‍💫 i’m still surprised that y’all still read this crap. This chapter is kinda boring tho 🥹 thank you so much guys for being patient (?) ilysm, take care!💗

+ ok so junghwan and y/n’s part are based in true events 🤣 so earlier as i make the tweets, my dad came out of the toilet from like, pooping and the smell was so bad that it reached to my room, like literally the smell went into my room 😭

[akakeiiji]

— Haikyuu characters as things that have happened to my friends and I

↳ a/n — this was so self-indulgent and fun to write, i suppose i just really really miss my friends huhu. my friend group consists of 14 people and most of us have known one another since grade school so we have had a lot of memories together, both good and bad, so here is a compilation of a few of them that reminded me of hq characters

— Bokuto Koutarou

He was tossing a can of sardines to his friend to catch but he ended up throwing it too hard so his friend dodged and the can instead hit the school's flat-screen tv subsequently destroying it all while his teacher was in the room

— Akaashi Keiji

He wasn't paying attention when trying to join his zoom class and he accidentally joined the zoom call meant for teachers right when they were having a staff meeting, he didn't realize right away and stayed there for a good five minutes before the teachers started asking why he was there

— Oikawa @ Iwaizumi

He wanted to confess to his crush but because of quarantine he couldn't do it in person so he had to resort to doing it via text, however, instead of doing it through DM he ended up sending his confession to their group chat where every one of their friends could read it

— Yamaguchi Tadashi

He thought that he was going to fail an exam so he started crying in the middle of it and his teacher felt so bad that he gave everyone a 30-minute extension

— Daichi Sawamura

He and his friends were tossing a volleyball towards one another in a circle on the floor in their classroom and he ended up receiving too violently making the volleyball fly up and break the light fixture in the room

— Kageyama Tobio

He tried to ding dong ditch his neighbor because his friends dared him to but he ended up tripping in front of the gate as he was running away and got caught

— Sugawara Koushi

He tried to help his classmate during a test by showing her his paper before realizing that the head teacher was right behind him, they both got caught and their parents were called in the next day

— Atsumu and Osamu Miya

There was this one area in the city that didn't allow those under 18 to be out after a certain time and one night they ended up getting stranded there so they hid in some bushes in front of a closed McDonalds until their mom found them and took them home

— Suna Rintaro

He was looking at random photos in the computer lab and the teacher presented his computer screen on the television as he unintentionally clicked on a meme about penises. Everyone in class saw the photo and he was forced to stay behind after class

— Tsukishima Kei

He posted something on Twitter ranting about how hard his exam was only for a classmate to take screenshots of it and send them to the teacher who made the exam, they then called his parents because the tweet contained one (1) swear word and threatened to remove him from the honors roll

— Hinata Shoyo

He was watching a new movie at the cinemas and when the entire theatre was silent he started ugly crying and wailing because his favorite character just died making everyone in the cinema start laughing at him

— Kenma Kozuma

He was playing in co-op and when he joined a new world he was wondering why the host wasn't starting the game yet, after waiting for a good five minutes he started messaging the other players telling them to start already only for him to realize that he was  actually the host the entire time

— Lev Haiba

He fell asleep in the middle of a zoom class and woke up only when he and his teacher were left alone in the call, he ended up panicking and told her that he just forgot to leave the call because he was in the bathroom

— Kyotani Kentaro

He ended up making his teacher cry in the middle of class because they thought he was being mean to them but he didn't even do anything?? He just asked them a question and started crying??

— Yuji Terushima and the rest of Johzenji

They almost burnt their hair off while trying to style it for a school dance, they ended up losing track of time and almost didn't make it to the venue on time because they didn't know how to use the curling/straightening irons properly and were only using outdated youtube tutorials as their guides

— Goshiki Tsutomu

He impulsively let his friends cut his hair in the middle of class and they ended up cutting his bangs too short and choppy, he had to suffer the rest of the school year with that hairstyle

— Kuroo Tetsurou

He was so desperate to talk to his crush that he tried starting a conversation by talking about calculators, just calculators, nothing else

— Sakusa Kiyoomi

He accidentally drank half a bottle of baby cologne before realizing that what he was drinking was not in fact water

— Nishinoya Yuu and Tanaka Ryuunosuke

They both needed to poop really bad during lunch so they went to the school infirmary and they each pooped there while the other stood outside making sure nobody would go in as the other was finishing their business, in the end they considered a solid bonding experience <3

— Ushijima Wakatoshi

Someone tried confessing to him by handing him a paper with the words "I like you" written on it but somehow he still didn't get the message despite the person repeatedly shoving the paper into his hands

— Asahi Azumane

He got separated from his friends while they were out and got lost, he then started vlogging his experience when some dogs scared him, he ended up falling onto the asphalt road from shock and broke his phone

[1rintooru]

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ 𝕙𝕢!! 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕗𝕒𝕔𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕫 ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

a/n: head empty, just want flufffffff (probs forgot a few so don't look too closely🙈👀)

ushijima: holds the phone like he normally does, which means you're watching his ear the entire time👂😩

hanamaki: ironically acts like a vlogger

oikawa: unironically acts like a vlogger, calls when he's shopping bc he needs you to stop him from overspending - will call 2 hours later showing off the clothes he promised he wouldn't buy

tsukishima: hates ft calls, but on the rare occurence that he does call you, the conversation will be dry af and he probably has rly choppy connection 😭

kageyama: also hates ft calls, will awkwardly show you random things he has at home to compensate for the silence

terushima: wants to show off his fresh fade. he's also horny and he wants you to know it. encourages you to impulsively cut your hair at 3am

kiyoko: facetimes you when she's doing her makeup and is probably the one to talk you down from impulsively cutting your hair at 3am

bokuto: calls bc he's bored and akaashi isn't answering 🙄

suna: whips out his phone and calls you bc you won't believe what the twins are fighting abt this time

yachi: waved at someone who was actually, in fact, not waving at her so now you on the other end of the call trying to calm her down

suga: calls you while he's cleaning or running errands - keeps you in his pocket while at the post office and asks you what he should buy for dinner while grocery shopping

osamu: he's usually cooking during his ft calls with you and will highkey act like the host of his own cooking show he's so dumb istg

daichi: i think he's pretty normal? if you've made plans he'll call you to show you where he is but bby does not know his angles😩 lots of double-chin and noseshots

lev: calls you while he's pooping like it's the most normal thing ever??

matsukawa: either he facetimes to roast you or to tease you (this ass knows exactly what he's doing when he just 'casually' flexes his hands👀🙈)

iwaizumi: this strong beefcake bby probably shows you his mealprep or brings you with him to the gym to "show off his form" ����

atsumu: looks @ himself on screen the. entire. time. 🙄 (cant even be mad bc same)

akaashi: will show off things that remind him off you nd probably complains abt his co-workers

ukai: you're late to your shift to work and he's gonna be so pissed if you don't answer

tanaka + noya: they force you to watch their stupid antics, like riding down a steep hill together with no hands or seeing who can climb a tree faster

asahi: calls and begs for help because the former two are stuck in said tree and he's panicking pls do smth

kenma: will tell you to "watch his streams" if you want to see him that bad🙄🤚

kuroo: will film kenma while he's streaming, you'll also fall victim to his endless corny science puns

tendou: you fall asleep during the call while watching your favorite shows and end up waking up together, that is, unless your battery dies 🥺

[dumbshineeimagineswiki]

Hello Shawols and welcome to this place that I call home!

Sibling accounts!

@dumbshineeimagines (Opened 25th of March 2022)

@dumbshineefics (Opened 25th of May 2022)

@dumbseriousshineefics (Opening soon!)

@dumbcomfortshineefics (Opening soon!)

—

My name is Asahi (he/they) and I make imagines and stories for fun! As I’m going to turn 18 in July, I decided to move from apps such as Discord to Tumblr since apparently people tend to be much more mature and also I can meet older people here!

The reason why I moved here is because I want to create a space for Shawols (mainly Jonghyun stans) where I would do imagines/stories that would make anyone laugh due to the over-exaggeration nature of the fictional world of SHINee!

Do note that none of the imagines/stories does not align with how the members are in real life. They are even over-exaggerated to fit the “comedy” aspects of my jokes. Please do not take any of this seriously and hopefully you’ll be able to get a good laugh out of it during the more difficult times.

However, I do make comforting stories for those who are into that. I can do many types such as fluff, smut and even platonic. You can even suggest what imagines do you want me to do! Send a question about me if you’d like!

Hope you enjoy my imagines and you’ll have fun reading them!

Update (22/08/2022):

As of this date, two of my friends @naegashutyoassup (bruce - he/him) and @nihaojj (james/jack - he/him) will be taking over this blog for me so this blog can stay alive! 

You guys really missed my imagines and was hoping for any more content, but I actually don’t feel comfortable making SHINee related posts anymore due to personal reasons. My friends makes similar posts to me so hopefully you have just as much fun with them like you did with me! 

- Asahi (he/they)

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[Fic Lists] A list of my bizarre stuff!

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Note: if you’re reading this outside the wiki blog, click here for the latest update post of the imagines and story lists!

—

Specials!

[Special Post] It’s Kim Jonghyun’s 32nd Birthday!

[Imagine - SHINee’s 14th Anniversary Special!] SHINee celebrates their anniversary with Shawols/Big announcement!

Imagines

[Imagine] You kicked SHINee on the balls!

[Imagine] Would SHINee go to your birthday party?

[Imagine] When you make SHINee wear a skirt/dress!

[Imagine] You made SHINee wear panties as a joke!

[Imagine] SHINee sees you get bullied!

[Imagine] When they find out they’re having a baby! (SHINee)

[Imagine] SHINee hears you fart!

[Imagine - April Fools Special!] What type of jokes would they do on you? (SHINee)

[Imagine] You raised your voice at SHINee!

[Imagine] You spilled ice cream all over their clothes! (SHINee)

[Imagine] What type of poop SHINee reminds me of!

[Imagine] Where would they pee themselves! (SHINee)

[Imagine] When SHINee sees a puppy!

[Imagine] SHINee finds a baby in a box!

[Imagine] SHINee goes into maury and they find out they’re the fathers!

[Imagine] You pooped in their house for the first time! (SHINee)

[Imagine] How they would react if they saw a cat getting ran over! (SHINee)

[Imagine] What would happen if SHINee were girls for 24 hours?

[Imagine] You gave SHINee socks as a present!

[Imagine] You kissed SHINee on the lips!

[Imagine] You slapped SHINee’s ass!

[Imagine] You gave them flowers! (SHINee)

[Imagine] SHINee tries out crack for the first time!

[Imagine] SHINee finds out that they’re pregnant! (with your child!)

[Imagine] If SHINee had girlfriends/boyfriends

[Imagine] SHINee finds a shop they like!

[Imagine] SHINee goes out with a skirt!

[Imagine] SHINee finds a “ring ding dong” toy on the floor!

[Imagine] You steal SHINee’s lollipop!

[Imagine] When SHINee gets their heads shaved! (For whatever reason tbh- military reasons, cancerous reasons, etc)

[Imagine] SHINee goes to a carnival!

[Imagine] You told SHINee that you loved them!

[Imagine] You paired them with each other! (SHINee)

[Imagine] You went to a playground park with SHINee!

[Imagine] Where would the f(SHINee) ships go on a date? ( f(x) x SHINee )

[Imagine] When they have kids! ( f(x) x SHINee )

[Imagine] When you accidentally drop ice cream onto SHINee!

[Imagine] SuperM rates SHINee by Jonghyun’s vocals!

[Imagine] You called SHINee chocolate!

[Imagine] You made SHINee watch boku no pico as a joke! (Part 1: Suggesting)

[Imagine] You made SHINee watch boku no pico as a joke! (Part 2: After watching)

[Imagine] You called SHINee cute!

[Imagine] When you ask for *just* water in a restaurant date! (SHINee)

[Imagine] When you dip your chips into ketchup in front of SHINee!

[Imagine] How SHINee would twerk!

[Imagine] How SHINee would kick Baekhyun in the balls!

[Imagine] When SHINee grows boobs!

[Imagine] When you ask SHINee to sit on their lap!

[Imagine] When SHINee gets their ring ding dongs cut off!

[Imagine] When SHINee sees Jisung from NCT get flushed down the toilet!

[Imagine] You asked SuperM which SHINee member has the best ass!

[Imagine] You called SHINee boring!

[Imagine] When SHINee sees your ripped pants!

[Imagine] You accidentally saw SHINee naked!

[Imagine] You raised your leg up in front of SHINee!

[Imagine] How child!SHINee would react when they overhear their parents doing the nasty!

[Imagine] You asked SHINee to flash their ring ding dongs!

[Imagine] When SHINee finds rule 34 pics of themselves!

[Imagine] How SHINee would strangle you!

[Imagine] Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? (SHINee) {Requested by my little sister}

[Imagine] When SHINee jumps off a cliff!

[Imagine] SHINee is at the hospital giving birth!

[Imagine] You brought a doll for SHINee!

[Imagine] You called SHINee ugly!

[Imagine] Which f(x) member would SHINee slap for 1,000,000 ₩?

[Imagine] What type of farts describes SHINee the most? (Requested by one of my friend)

[Imagine] How SHINee would look after a baby for their babysitting job!

[Imagine] How much does SHINee hate their co-workers’ girl group Aespa?

[Imagine] When SHINee bumps into a tree!

[Imagine] What would SHINee use to kill Baekhyun!

[Imagine] You told SHINee that you killed someone!

[Imagine] SHINee ranked from best to least by who can dance to “Last Last” by Burna Boy the best!

[Imagine] What would SHINee say about Victoria if they were virgins!

[Imagine] Who in SHINee would most likely eat a popsicle like a ring ding dong?

[Imagine] How would SHINee make you a skittle cake?

Stories (Non serious - Suitable for those who likes to laugh!)

Onew/Jinki

Jonghyun

Key/Kibum

Minho

Taemin

OT5

Ships

Stories (Serious - Suitable for those who prefer something mature!)

Onew/Jinki

Jonghyun

Key/Kibum

Minho

Taemin

OT5

Ships

Stories (Comfort - Suitable for those who are feeling sad or just want a feel good story!)

Onew/Jinki

Jonghyun

Key/Kibum

Minho

Taemin

OT5

Ships

More are coming soon! 🥰 (Posts every 2:34pm!)

—

Post Schedule lays here!

[pxnk-velvet]

𝐵𝑎𝑏𝑦𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝐾𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑜

.・ ✧。.・゜✧・.・✧・゜・.・ ✧。.・゜✧・.

✧ summary :: Just what I think they’d be like if you had to babysit with them and what they’re like with kids in general.

✧ warnings :: tooth rotting fluff....ur ovaries might burst if you have any.

.・ ✧。.・゜✧・.・✧・゜・.・ ✧。.・゜✧・.

𝐾𝑁𝑂𝑊𝑆 𝑊𝐻𝐴𝑇 𝐻𝐸’𝑆 𝐷𝑂𝐼𝑁𝐺

☾ 𝐷𝑎𝑖𝑐ℎ𝑖

he’s got like 4 siblings

we wouldn’t expect any less of our king tbh

knows exactly what to do in any situation

kid needs a diaper change, on it. needs to be burped, don’t worry

daichi to the rescue

at one point it really hits you, that starting a family with him would be an absolute dream

“Y/n, why are you starring at me like that?”

☾ 𝐻𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑎

yeah, hinata knows what he’s doing....

but that doesn’t mean he’s good at it

A for effort though

tbh only knows what he knows because of his little sister

probably makes the baby cry then starts crying himself

“I don’t know why the baby’s crying, Y/n! Please make it stoooopp!”

☾ 𝑌𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑢𝑐ℎ𝑖

our boy is so sweet! very gentle and careful with the baby

makes sure everything like clothes and bottles and stuff are always clean and ready to go

I just-UGH he’s so adorable and he actually doesn’t mind babysitting at all

you’re a little shocked and quite frankly jealous that he’s better at this than you

however don’t ask how he knows all this stuff because he doesn’t know either lol

“I guess it’s just motherly instinct, Y/n. You’ll catch on eventually.”

𝑁𝑂𝑇 𝐴 𝐶𝐿𝑈𝐸 𝐵𝑈𝑇 𝐺𝑂𝑂𝐷 𝑊𝐼𝑇𝐻 𝐾𝐼𝐷𝑆

☾ 𝑇𝑠𝑢𝑘𝑖𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑚𝑎

is absolutely livid that the kid likes him

hates every second of it, literally

does everything he can to push the kid away and try to get out of playing or actually taking care of it

just imagine grumpy tsukki with a little wiggle worm of a kid in his arms, a pouty look on his face as the kid waves his glasses around

“Don’t ever ask for me to babysit with you again.”

☾ 𝐴𝑠𝑎ℎ𝑖

he’s anxious that the baby is going to be scared of him tbh

sad boy hours for asahi

but when the baby is all smiley and laughing, holding its arms up for Asahi to pick them up

he turns all soft and mushy on the inside

and whenever the baby pulls on his beard or hair, he wouldn’t mind and just smile like an idiot

all because a little tiny baby isn’t scared of him like most people

“Maybe some people don’t find me so scary after all.”

☾ 𝑁𝑖𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑜𝑦𝑎

honestly doesn’t know the first thing about taking care of children

but his energy is matched and that’s all that matters

he’s having so much fun the whole time

making the kid laugh hysterically is his favorite thing tbh

probably tries to teach the kid how to play volleyball but come now...they’re a toddler

again, A for effort!

“See this? It’s called a volleyball! And I’m gonna teach you how to play!”

𝐷𝑂𝑁’𝑇 𝑇𝑅𝑈𝑆𝑇 𝐻𝐼𝑀 𝑊𝐼𝑇𝐻 𝐶𝐻𝐼𝐿𝐷𝑅𝐸𝑁

☾ 𝑇𝑎𝑛𝑎𝑘𝑎

likes to think he’s got this all in the bag but once it finally settles that he has to take care of a whole tiny human

he’s not sure about this anymore....he can barely take care of himself let’s be real

FORGET ABOUT TRYING TO GET HIM TO CHANGE A DIAPER

any sort of throw up, drool, spit up, poop, pee, whatever, he’s out the door and not coming back

“I’m not touching that....thing.”

☾ 𝑆𝑢𝑔𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑎

mr. suga is an enabler. period.

he literally encourages bad behavior

let’s say the kid is making a mess with its food

suga is right there, finger painting on his plate with ketchup too

“Y/n! Look! Snack and Arts and Crafts all in one.”

suga, honey....no

☾ 𝐾𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑦𝑎𝑚𝑎

not a single thing going through this boy’s head

only thing he thinks about is volleyball, it’s literally confirmed

would forget about the baby in the first place

like “oh shit- what baby?”

would hold the kid the wrong way, like upside or some shit

probably drops the baby a couple times too

.・ ✧。.・゜✧・.・✧・゜・.・ ✧。.・゜✧・.

[leejeongz]

treasure’s ideal type (MY OPINION) - asahi~junghwan

pls don’t forget these r just my opinion!!! i don’t know them and i don’t know their ideal type, this is just for fun. they may be a pile of poop and vv inaccurate. pls don’t think too much into these at all ❤️

things that they have previously stated are in pink :) when they say things like “sexy” or “short hair” etc i just went along the lines of stereotypically those things but it’s subjective so again, don’t think too much about it lovessss

🌷asahi: 2000-2003

appearance-

↝ innocent, cute face, chubby cheeks and a sweet, welcoming smile. hair length doesn’t matter

↝ honestly, i don’t really think he cares too much about appearance, but the vibe they give off without even talking to him is important

↝ looks trustworthy and quiet upon first impressions

personality-

↝ enjoys being outside without any distractions and would rather talk to people face to face than being on their phone all the time

↝ artistic and creative in whatever way that may be

↝ someone who is quite spontaneous would suit him, they randomly do things that he would usually plan for, and he finds this way is actually a lot better for him because it causes less stress in the long run

↝ it would be beneficial if they out all their cards on the table, they made him feel welcome from the get go and told them a lot about themselves, he’d even find oversharing endearing and sweet

🍄yedam: 1999-2002 (someone older)

appearance-

↝ round face with large, round eyes- their eyes is what he first notices about them

↝ long black hair that looks good when it is tied up or left down, whichever they prefer he loves

↝ a mature sense of style that incorporates lots of different colours without being overpowering or “childish”

personality-

↝ maturity is a big factor for him i’m sure, so someone who’s tactile about the way they speak and what to say

↝ but still being able to have a laugh with him when things are genuinely funny to the pair of you

↝ is as passionate as him about something, maybe their career or just an interest. he loves listening to them talk about their passions because he can relate

↝ they think about him and everything they do with him has a purpose, for example, understanding that he needs time to work so not texting him during hours when they know that he’s busy

🧶doyoung: 2001-2004 (this boy really gave us “treasure makers” as his ideal type, what am i supposed to do with that bro)

appearance-

↝ cute, rounded face with a small button nose and a friendly smile. straight, dark hair.

↝ shorter than him but not in excess, like an inch or two if that

↝ dresses well in all different styles but still looks good in all of them, they’re willing to try new styles

personality-

↝ bright and positive, able to lift his spirits just by looking at them

↝ they don’t really think things through, they just do things and say things on a whim and don’t care about looking or sounding stupid which makes him laugh and eventually he joins in

↝ equally as romantic and flirty as he is, but he’s there to take the lead so they probably get flustered at his advances and words too

↝ emotionally, they’re quite intelligent. they feel things at the right time and they can show empathy where needed. they know exactly what to say and when to say it without even trying

↝ they are very growth oriented, especially in terms of emotional support and growth, which i think is something he that avoids, so they can help him with that.

💥haruto: 2002-2005

appearance-

↝ doesn’t care for appearance, only really looks at inner beauty

↝ but i think he would suit someone tall to everyone else, but shorter than him by a few inches

↝ and with a nice smile that feels warm and genuine

personality-

↝ immature most of the time, helps him let go and feel comfortable about being himself

↝ he can just look at this person and want to laugh with them, he doesn’t feel like he has to hold it in because they’re too up themselves lmao

↝ quirky and creative- they have a lot of things that make them who they are and not like anyone else

↝ they know a lot about the world, they know how things work and are full of experiences that they can share or want to share with someone like him. he wants to get to know this person and hear their stories, whether they’re interesting or not. someone who could just talk to him forever about anything

↝ they give genuine compliments, even if something is bad, they look for the good and point it out, especially if it’s something that means a lot to him. they’re more on the optimistic side than pessimistic. a kind person

♟jeongwoo: 2001-2004

appearance-

↝ long black hair that is kept shiny and always smells nice

↝ smallish eyes that are dark in colour

↝ a mature look about them that makes them seem quite intimidating to people their age

personality-

↝ maturity is important to him, but so is still being able to have fun, no matter how “childish” that is.

↝ care free. they don’t care what other people think of them, they’re gonna do what makes them happy. this would bring him out of his shell a lot more and would make him more confident in himself, they allow him to love himself and he recognises everything they’re doing, even if it’s not on purpose

↝ on the same note, they don’t pressure people to make impulsive or quick decisions, they let people go at their own pace and are mainly concerned about the decisions they’re making, ensuring they choose the best thing for themselves

↝ considerate of other people’s feelings yet puts their own feelings first. someone who stays true to themselves

↝ above all else, he wants to connect with someone who is basically exactly like himself, it would make him comfortable and he wouldn’t feel like he’s constantly walking on eggshells

🌍junghwan: 2003-2006

appearance-

↝ long hair without a fringe, they usually wear it with one side tucked behind their ear

↝ innocent looking, the pretty but quiet kid at the back of the class room type, doesn’t. boast about how attractive they are

↝ soft visuals! and a soft sense of style. lots of pastels and whites and little cute accessories

personality-

↝ the same or similar humour to his, who likes to laugh a lot and make other laugh

↝ extroverted, to bring out his more outgoing and bubbly side, especially when around other people. they can keep the conversation going, even when they can sense that he’s feeling tense or awkward.

↝ he’d appreciate it if this person could “take the lead”, if they had the ability to carry things (metaphorically) forward and made it feel natural for him

↝ they don’t take things too far. they know what to not bring up and are very aware of when someone is uncomfortable, in which case they change the subject

↝ they’re willing to take things slow, they’re not rushing him to do anything or be anyone, as a pair, they gradually ease themselves into emotional openness together which eventually leads to a relationship, naturally

[jgreaxcfdszx]

Nightmares ft. Azumane Asahi

fluff, asahi x gn!reader

A/n: this is an older post btw

-1468 words-

This story includes: Cursing, slight OOC

masterlist

You shot up from your bed, sweat encasing your body. You looked over to your boyfriend who was sleeping next to you.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes to see what was happening. He looked up at your fragile figure.

Asahi sat up and put an arm around you. “What's wrong?"

"I just had a nightmare, that's all."

He kissed your forehead before laying back down on his side with his arms open. "Come here," he ordered, his voice a mix of soft and stern.

You laid down next to him, hiding your face in his clothed chest. He pet your head lovingly.

"Do you want to tell me about it, pumpkin?"

You shook your head. "It's nothing, really."

Asahi lifted your chin up gently. "No, it isn't. I'm right here, you can tell me anything."

"I don't want to, sorry honey."

"That's okay! Do you want me to tell you a bedtime story to help you go back to sleep?" You nodded. "Mmmm, okay baby. Now, I want you to just relax, okay? Can you do that for me? Yes? Good job. So, sorry if it doesn't fit your standards, I'm just making this off the top of my hea-"

You put an hand on his arm, stroking it. "Don't worry about that, any story that you make fit my standards." He blushed at your comment, grateful that there was no light in the room.

"You're too sweet, pumpkin. Now shhhh, I'm  starting it.

    Once upon a time, there was a princess who loved to eat popcorn. She had twenty microwaves in her room, all designated for popcorn. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner, all she ate was popcorn.

    Obviously, eating only one thing all the time is not going to be healthy. The princess knew this, but she didn't care. Her family always warned her that if she continued the bad habit, she would turn into a piece of popcorn as well, which she always replied with, 'if that happens, I'll just eat myself!'

    It was a well-know fact that if you eat too much of one thing you'll turn into it, but the princess thought it was a myth. Her explanation? 'Well, I've never seen it happen, so it must not be true!'

  After 18 years of only ever eating popcorn, the princess woke up one day as a piece of popcorn. She tried to scream, but she didn't have a mouth! She looked around, trying to find someone who could see her. No one was in her room. She rolled off of the bed, rolling her way down the stairs. Oh, also, she is a human-sized popcorn. 

  Once her father saw her, he screeched, running up to her. 'is this what my little princess has turned into?', he questioned, putting his hands on her sides so she wouldn't roll away. Once he realized she couldn't talk because she didn't have a mouth, he started crying very loudly. 'Someone, please, come help my daughter!'

   A few seconds later, a pink fairy poofed into the air. They both looked at her, waiting for her to do something.

  'Oh, do I have to speak now? I think I do. Anyways, I'm the popcorn fairy, who takes care of people who have turned into popcorn.' The fairy said. 'I can turn your daughter back into a human!'

Her father jumped for joy. 'On one condition,' the fairy's voice turned very serious. 'Your daughter can never eat popcorn again.'

The princess was shocked. She didn't want to have to give up popcorn! But, she also didn't want to be a popcorn anymore.

The father looked at his daughter. 'Princess, roll around if you want her to fix you. Don't move if you want to stay a popcorn.'

A couple seconds passed before she started rolling around. A bit of popcorn fell off of her, falling into a crack. A mouse came and took it, going back to it's cave.

  The fairy nodded. 'Okay, now everyone look away. Princess, close your eyes,' The fairy waved her magic wand a couple of times before poof! the princess was human again.

  She ran to the mirror, checking if this was real. She looked the same, the only difference being that she was missing her left ear.

She screamed, looking at her father and the fairy. 'What happened to my ear?!?' She pointed to the side of her face that was earless.

'Oh, yeah, sometimes that happens,' the fairy answered, shrugging. 'When bits of the popcorn roll away, when I turn you back to human, you're going to have parts that aren't there anymore.'

  'My daughter doesn't have an ear! Why are you treating this so casually?'

  'Sir, I can't do anything about it. Maybe next time you should teach your daughter not to eat the same foods all the time,' and with that, she poofed away.

Did you like that story, pumpkin? Sorry it was a bit sad." He rubbed your back soothingly.

You made a grunt, meaning that you did.

"Mmm, that's good. Do you think you can go to bed nicely now?"

"What time is it?" You said quietly.

Azumane checked the clock. "Mmm, 4:20. Why?"

"Can you-um," You stuttered.

"You want me to-"

"Yea,"

"Of course. Do you want this one to be more happy?" You nodded, putting one of your legs over his.

"Mmm." He wrapped the blanket tighter around the two of you. "This one will be shorter, if that's okay with you,"

"Yes, it's fine Azumane. As long as I get to hear your lovely voice,"

He chuckled. "I love you so much Y/n, you know that right?"

"I love you more!" You said, giggling.

"Hmmm, I don't think that that's possible. Okay, I'm going to start it now.

Mr. and Mrs. Beaver had always lived a happy life together, and today was no exception. They were currently sitting at the park, having a picnic together.

  Mrs. Beaver was snacking on some sunchips, while Mr. beaver was munching on leaves. They were both very excited to talk to each other again, as they hadn't had seen each other in a while.

  They had both been at work, working very hard so they could have little beaver babies. Mrs.-"

You looked up at him. "Wait, are they going to have sex in this story?"

"What? No! They're not going to do that. Anyways, back to what I was saying,

  Mrs. Beaver worked at an elementary school, while Mr. Beaver owned a pastry shop. Everyone knew them as 'the berry in love beavers'. Sorry that's kind of cringy, it was the first thing that came in my head.

'Fred, guess what happened the other day, oh it's so funny!' Mrs. Beaver said, barely containing her laughter. 'So, one of my students came up to me before school ended and said, "Mrs. Beaver? Why are you getting ready to leave if you live here?" The little cutie thought that I lived there!'

They both laughed. 'Hilda, you know how some little kids can be! So silly!' She giggled. 'I should cook them in my pastries.'

"Asahi, why. It was such a nice story but you had to ruin it."

He became flustered. "Sorry, Y/n. But I did tell you that I was making these off the top of my head,"

You laughed. "Why is putting kids in food on the top of your head?!?"

"It's because you're acting like a child right now."

You gasped, holding back a laugh. "You want to cook me?"

"No, I just want to eat you! Nom nom nom" He tickled you, making you laugh.

"A-a-a-a-asahi! I'm not going to be able to sleep if you keep on tickling me like this,"

"Then stop interrupting me! Shhhh, pumpkin. AnYwAyS,

  Mrs. Beaver looked at him in shock before laughing. 'Oh Fred, you really crack me up!'

Fred laughed with her. 'You should've seen the look on your face!'

They continued their picnic before going back to their den. Once they got back to their home, the couple laid down in their bed and fell asleep.

The end."

You whined. "Azumaneeeeeeee! That was so short! Can I have another one?"

"Y/n, baby, no-"

"Please! Please! Please, daddy?" You smirked.

"D-d-don't call me that!" He tilted your chin up so he could look at you. "You are going to bed right now."

"Wait, no-"

He laid on top of you, trapping you in his arms. "You are going to sleep right now, okay? Enough fun."

"Hmph." You closed your eyes.

Asahi put his head on your shoulder. "Good night, my love."

"Good night, daddy."

"BITCH I SWEAR IF YOU CALL ME THAT ONE MORE FUCKING TI-"

[duckymcdoorknob]

Yuu Nishinoya General Headcannons

Has to take children’s medicine because he can’t handle the taste of the adult medicine.

Will chug a whole bottle of it means he doesn’t have to stomach something that tastes like “cherry and armpit”

I get vibes that this fella really REALLY likes miso soup

Also really likes Oreo cookies.

“ASAHI YOU GOTTA TRY THESE”

One time ate a whole sleeve before practice and ended up pulling a Hinata

And by that I mean he spent an hour and a half following practice mopping up his vomit.

When his s/o is on their cycle, poor baby tries to be so supportive. Tries

“Babe do you want the lemon or lime?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The tampons! They come in lemon or lime.”

Is the absolute best at cuddles and is always on high alert, ready to grab whatever his s/o needs.

I can’t decide, but he’s either a die hard metal head, OR a classical music chump.

He definitely plays an instrument. Don’t know which one, but it’s definitely a wind instrument.

I get really big clarinet vibes. Like huge.

He’s hella good at it too.

The only one who knows this is Sugawara, who one day walked into the band room during lunch to try and find Daichi.

He def has a secret birthmark above his belly button he doesn’t tell the guys about

So because of this, he changes into his uniform in private.

Usually in a bathroom stall, or in another area of the locker room.

He does great at hiding it until Hinata ran in to take a “poop” as he would say.

“IS THAT THE BIRTHMARK?”

“HINATAAAAAAAA”

And then our resident ball of energy tackled the other resident ball of energy and was running his finger over it in amazement.

And that’s how the team found out that Noya is hella ticklish.

Thanks Hinata.

At least now they all have a way to relieve their stress.

Except for Noya who’s always on edge because of it.

Dogs>Cats for him

Probably has a weird obsession with snakes?

His family won’t let him have one, but he’s absolutely enamored by them.

When he went to Kageyama’s house one day and found out he had a snake, baby almost fainted.

“c a n I h o l d i t?”

Knows a lot of really random, but lifesaving facts.

“Red on yellow, kill a fellow. Red on black, friend of jack.”

“The hell does that mean?”

“It means that if you see a red and yellow snake you should probably skedaddle!”

A GOD at design.

Interior, graphic, fashion. You name it, he knows it.

“Too many ruffles here. Make it flat.”

“Move this photo over, too much negative space.”

“I feel like a plant would look good here. Or a random sculpture.”

“Noya this is just a project.”

“SHUT IT TANAKA! I’m in my element!”

Time for my favorite HC of all:

Because he’s so good at design, he’s 100% on the yearbook staff.

Obviously can’t cover volleyball, so I like to think that he directs the photographer before the game.

Is really good at coming up with page titles.

Like for volleyball, “Can You Dig It?” or for golf, “Putting In Effort.”

He definitely knows how to sew. You can’t tell me that he doesn’t just r a d i a t e that vibe.

Will take his s/o fishing for a date. (Yes just like in the canonical series)

Doesn’t really own that many shoes.

Like he’s got sneakers, his court shoes, a pair of sandals and formal shoes. That’s it.

He just wears sneakers everywhere.

Favorite ice cream flavor is, you guessed it, cookies and cream.

His phone is a l w a y s charged. Like practically completely.

Spotify>

Even though his phone is charged, he has no storage.

Luckily, Asahi being the sweetest baby he is, lets Noya download a few games on his phone.

“Asahiiiiii can I please play Toy Blast?”

Toy Blast is like all this man plays. He’s gotta he on like level 2840

Baking>cooking even though he’s kinda bad at it.

Likes to sing when he’s alone.

Doesn’t mean he’s that great at it though.

And last but not least

Mans is

Has been

And always will be

a GOD at Just Dance.

[slutfactory]

all characters under 18 will be depicted as aged up , or timeskip ver.

𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐊𝐘𝐔𝐔

kageyama, hinata, tsukishima, yamaguchi, tanaka, nishinoya, sugawara, asahi, kiyoko, yachi, daichi — kuroo, yaku, lev, yamamoto — suna, osamu, atsumu, kita — aone, koganegawa — daishou, mika — oikawa, iwaizumi, matsukawa, hanamaki, kyotani — ushijima, shirabu, semi, tendou, goshiki, saeko, ukai, takeda

𝐓𝐎𝐊𝐘𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒

baji, chifuyu, mitsuya, mikey, draken, nahoya, souta, hanma, hakkai, kazutora, takemichi

𝐉𝐔𝐉𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐍

megumi, itadori/sukuna?, inumaki, kugisaki, maki gojo, toji, suguru

𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔 𝐍𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎

izuku, katsuki, shouto, mirio, tamaki, kaminari, kirishima, tenya, inasa, monoma, yaoyarozu, mina, tsuyu, tetsutetsu, aizawa, hizashi, enji, touya, tomura

𝐉𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐊𝐈𝐌𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐍𝐀 𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐊𝐄𝐍

joseph, caesar, jotaro, kakyoin, polnareff, DIO, josuke, rohan, bucciarati, mista, abbacchio, giorno, diavolo/doppio, yoshikage, daniel j. d'arby, terrence t. d'arby, risotto, jonathan, speedwagon, wes (weather report), anasui

things i will not write!! ❌

heavy abuse or violence, bottom reader, female reader, scat/poop, p3d0philia. just about anything i feel that uncomfortable with. if you send an request with any of these themes listed, i won't respond.

[sparklygoblin]

okay so I've been gone for a minute because I was writing my first fic on ao3 but I'm back with more trash than ever! I really love crack fics and my friend and I thought up this absolutely GREASY premise and I just couldn't help myself. I only included a few of my ideas in this post but let me know if yall like it and maybe I'll do a part 2

Haikyuu!! Frat House AU

Bokubro is obviously a member of the frat, he's also a minor drug dealer with Kuroo, and his room is L I T E R A L L Y DISGUSTANG, like Kuroo actually has a fear of Bokuto's side of their room. People are baffled, BAFFLED when they find out that his boyfriend is non other than Akaashi, president of the most prestigious fraternity on campus. But what can akaashi say? he believes any guy who can drink his weight in vodka, take at least three different unnameable drugs, and still smile at him the morning after, deserves his attention.

Kuroo took one for the team when he rushed, and roomed with Bokuto. Needless to say, his quiet gamer boyfriend, Kenma, refuses to stay over. When they first met at one of the frat's infamous ragers, they'd stumbled into Kuroo's shared room, heading toward a drunk hook up. Then Kenma put his hand in something wet. And very much alive. That was the first and last time. Bokuto and him irritate everyone by constantly referring to themselves as "businessmen", only to be immediately informed by Iwaizumi and Daichi that "selling drugs to high schoolers doesn't make you business men"

Daichi didn't want to be in charge, but duty calls and when you and Iwaizumi are the only sane ones in the house, well a man has to step up. Plus, it totally gains him brownie points with all of the trashy college girls that show up to their notorious parties. because he was totally interested in that, and definetly not in the chaotic silver haired boy from the competing fraternity. no he wanted nothing to do with Sugawara. It's not like he catches himself openly fantasizing about him, and the whole house made it into a running joke.

Iwaizumi is also in charge, to no one's surprise. he and daichi have the cleanest room in the house, not only that but he's the only one who will do dishes. he's exhausted. he's also sleeping with Oikawa Tooru the single most irritating member of the prestigious fraternity suga and akaashi are in. but don't mention it, don't talk about the way he blushes when oikawa throws it back, and DEFINETLY don't bring up the time Oikawa broke his knee sneaking out of Iwaizumi's room, and spent an entire semester harassing iwaizumi on a bright pink motorized scooter.

Ushijima doesn't really care enough to be in charge. Mans is a FARMER if you catch my drift, and he makes fat stacks off of his "business" with Kuroo and Bokuto. once spent the entirety of his rush week in a maid's costume. but hey he's not complaining, it did get him the attention of that really weird dude from his leisure cooking class. he and Tendou are possibly the only couple that have it all figured out so kudos to them, three years strong

the miya twins are living frat legends, and they have been since their first party, at which Osamu got wasted and punched an equally wasted atsumu in the face for "breathing too loud". Atsumu seems like he sleeps around a lot, and maybe he did, but the guy won't stop simping for a very reserved chem major named Sakusa. sakusa gave into atsumu's begging once and woke up on a stained mattress in Vegas for his trouble.

Terushima is also there, making each party a little bit more chaotic and sleeping his way through ever girl on campus, except for kiyoko and yachi, the other guys were oddly protective of them. make no mistake though, terushima was a loveable himbo, who made extra sure that safe, sane , and consensual relations were his top priority. during hell week, he had to poop in a target dumpster, but daichi and iwaizumi didn't keep a good look out for him, he narrowly avoided getting arrested. NARROWLY.

Nishinoya and Tanaka rushed together. it went exactly how you think it did. Daichi and iwaizumi swore up and down that if they weren't desperate for new pledges, they would've never let those two in after they set the toilet on fire. Tanaka got really smacked one night and took a vow to abstain from any hook ups until he and Kiyoko (the hot girl from that one sorority) were engaged. Noya holds him to it and it's actually really wholesome. Noya on the other hand is battling a low grade obsession with the anxious design major from Akaashi's fraternity. everytime Asahi gets inebriated he's instantly the life of the party, and if Noya wasn't already in love, that time drunk Asahi took his clothes off and swam in the city fountain with him really cemented it.

kyoutani hates that little snot from the other fraternity....what was his name? mini oikawa, super prissy and whiny....YaHAbA. Kyoutani won Iwazumi's admiration when he took his rush like a champ, obliterating keg stands and hair removal alike. everyone thinks it's really funny because they're basically the same person down to the snotty, prissy, irritating boyfriends they won't admit they have.

Ennoshita is the mini daichi, and he's a simp for Tanaka. constantly pulling him back from fights, and rubbing his back when he throws up. maybe someday Tanaka might notice....

Lev is possibly the dumbest rush they have ever received and also the most fun. his natural talent for shotgunning and dangerous drunken adventures, makes him a favorite. he ripped his pants in front of the entire student body during his rush, on purpose. like he wanted it to happen. still to this day, no one understands why. he's been simping for yaku as long as he's been in college, so two whole months. to the outside world, it looks like the angry little man wouldn't think twice about the lowly freshman, but lev's been in enough closets with him to know that that's just not true.

kindaichi just adds to the madness, he's an anxious peacemaker with an epic talent as a lightweight, and a massive crush on his apathetic roommate, kunimi. Kunimi regretted joining the frat the first time he watched Bokuto peel string cheese with his toes.

Hinata and Kageyama are rushing at the same time. Tobio Swageyama is made for Greek life, but Hinata can barely do a keg stand. So naturally they are paired together through the rush callenges. This results in the loss of no less than six pairs of pants, a completely bald (no eyebrows) Kageyama, and an upside down lower back tattoo reading "boke", sometimes they get a little too spicy at parties and take the whole "kiss the homies goodnight" thing to a whole other level

[sugabeans]

SUGA!!!!! ONE MORE! 

anime vs. stage play

[kaistarus]

Haikyuu As Me and My Friends

Hinata: That's my third poop today

Tanaka: What kind?

Hinata: Rabbit poops

Nishinoya: Ah, my second favorite. The best are the one-shot soft poops with a backsplash cerplunk

**************

Tsukishima: You need to learn how to cook or your kids will be eating eggs for every meal

Yams: Eggs are good and nutritious!

Tsukishima: Dad, please we're so hungry-NO! EGGS BITCH! YOU ONLY GET EGGS!

****************

Daichi: I've got the knives, forks, spoons, and pla-

SUGA: SPOOOOOONNNSSS!?!?!?!?!

DAICHI:....

SUGA: Oh to eat with

**************

Bokuto: update I shaved my eyebrows

Kuroo: Off!?!?!

Bokuto: metaphorically speaking... and literally I need help

******************

Hinata: My sleep schedule is fucked

Yachi: You know swearing takes away from articulate description

Nishinoya: His sleep schedule is majorly bonkers my dudes

*******************

Daichi: I feel like my final went terrible

Asahi: Don't hate it cause it's over. Love it because it happened

Suga: I don't think... I don't think you did that right?