#as you may know i am incapable of shutting the fuck up when it comes to zosia

[salemsimss]

31, 35, and 42 for Zosia for the oc asks! ❤️❤️

AAAAA thank you for the ask!

31. Who are they most glad to have met? Ooo this is a tricky one! I feel like it would be Silvia as she has become Zosia's main source of support. Silvia takes no shit, but will listen and support you in any way that she can, even if it is "behind the scenes". As Zosia is one of the few people who have gotten to know Silvia on a more personal level, they find it refreshing when they see Silvia show off parts of her personality and humour.

35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they super supportive?

I would imagine that this would depend on the mood and what it is the other person is excited about. Typically, Zosia's eyes would light up the moment they sense excitement, and would even share the excitement with the other person. If it's exciting news, Zosia would find ways to celebrate. If the person has managed to complete a task that they have put off for a long time, Zosia would find ways to celebrate. If the exciting thing is something related to the person's interests, Zosia would listen as the other person speaks about it. Not only that, but Zosia would also dabble into the interest/hobby/etc to get a better understanding, and to have something to talk about to.

However, if Zosia was in a bad mood, or is just not there mentally, her reaction would be different. In that case, I feel like Zosia would give the person a smile, and just sit and listen to them. While they may not be as enthusiastic/energetic, she will still support them.

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

I feel that this could be depending on the potential routes. Trigger warning for: Suicide

Zosia is canonically suicidal, and their reason for joining Theseus 08085 was because their previous suicide attempts had failed. Going to space and into uncharted territory could very well be a death sentence for some, and Zosia saw that as an opportunity - like a way out of life. Zosia's end goal would be to die.

Depending on the routes, and how they are overall treated etc, this could still remain as the end goal. If Zosia's attempts would continue to fail, then they will just throw themselves into danger's way in the hopes of dying in the process. Zosia would not stop until one day it works.

Alternatively, there is a chance for a good ending, meaning a completely different end goal. For this to happen, something inside her will need to snap, or something will just need to happen. Zosia will be hit with the realisation that people genuinely do care, and with the right support, they could learn to manage their trauma and mental illnesses. Not only that, but they will learn that life can be worth living. This will lead to the recovery route, where Zosia will be determined to overcome her traumas, even if it means living out of spite until she feels that she wants to live. Her end goal would be to make her Dad, and the rest of their family proud.

p.s have a pic of zosia with laika because they have been rotting my brain lately ❤️

[flawlessassholes]

Will we ever be blessed with more adventures of dirtbag Daniel x girl max?

considering they haunt my every waking moment with their disgustingness and love? yeah. Yeah. anyways here’s ~800 words of max trying to ‘apologize’ to daniel after baku 2017. (the apology may or may not be an offer of anal.) more under the cut!

It’s a tense fucking debrief after Max crashes him out of Hungary.

She’s red-faced, pouty, glaring at the table like it’s the steward who handed her the 10-second penalty. It wasn’t enough, Daniel thinks uncharitably. She’s going to be forced to apologize, and Daniel’s not going to accept. If she’s gonna act like the rookie she pretends not to be, then he’ll act like one back. She needs to learn that her actions have consequences, and since Christian wants to treat her like his golden little princess, that apparently falls to him.

The sun’s just gone down when she knocks on his motorhome’s door.

She’s still red-faced but freshly showered, her hair pulled back into two braids. Dutch, she explained after they fucked after he won Baku.

They haven’t since then. They won’t tonight, seeing as he’s still vacillating between throttling her and demanding she get sent back to Torro Rosso.

She holds up two beers. Awkward and stiff, like she doesn’t want to be here.

Daniel raises his eyebrows. “What are those? Apology beers?”

She nods.

He shuts the door in her face.

Childish, but Daniel never claimed to be anything otherwise.

“Daniel!” He can hear her huff. “Fuck you, Daniel, I am trying to be nice and do the right thing, and you of course won’t even let me because you are a massive dick and will only listen to me if—”

“Jesus Christ,” he yanks the door open to shut her up. He doesn’t know what’s at the end of her sentence, but he’s pretty sure Max isn’t above saying if I’m on your dick.

Which is, like, true. But he doesn’t need the entire paddock knowing that.

“Can you be any louder?” He asks. He shouldn’t because if there’s one thing he’s learned about Max between being teammates and fucking around with her, it’s that she’s got the humor of a nineteen-year-old guy when it comes to sex jokes.

Sure enough, she opens her mouth, big pink lips stretching wide, and he rolls his eyes. “Save it, will you? I’m not in the mood to pretend to laugh at your jokes.”

Max’s eyes narrow. “At least are you going to let me in?”

“Why, so you can give me a shitty beer and tell me that it wasn’t really your fault?”

“Well, I was going to let you fuck my ass, but—”

The rest of the sentence is lost to the sound of blood rushing to his head, or out of it, and him grabbing Max by the arm and pulling her inside, the door of the motorhome slamming shut.

“Jesus Christ, Max, you can’t just say that.”

“Well,” she says, far too smug. “It got me inside.”

“Oh, so that was just a tactic?”

Max frowns. “No, I meant it?”

Daniel shakes his head, takes one of the beers from her hand, opens it on the counter, and downs half of it as he sits on his couch, legs sprawled wide.

He wipes his mouth. Max is staring at his crotch. “It won’t be nice,” he says. “I’m too pissed at you to be nice.”

“I don’t need nice,” Max says immediately. Haughty. She sets the other beer on the counter and walks over to him. Most girls would try to be sexy, but Max is incapable. But despite her clunky, boyish walk, she still fucking is.

She straddles his lap, just like he taught her. “And you, of course, are never nice anyway.”

Max is a fast fucking learner when it comes to sex. Half a year ago, she couldn’t even initiate a kiss, and now she’s nosing at his neck and grinding on his lap. She’s still, like, hella awkward with it. But her inexperience—it’s heavy. And fucking hot. He said he wanted to be her first everything, and Max is apparently content to let him have at it.

He captures those plush, bitten lips in a hungry kiss, shamelessly groping her ass in her ugly khaki shorts. He can’t resist—he smacks her ass once, hard, and she yelps into his mouth.

“I am upset with you,” he says. She’s still writhing against him. Kinky. Neat.

“I am sorry,” she says, breathless as she pulls away. Then she climbs out of his lap, gangly and ungraciously, and pulls off her shirt and sports bra in one go.

He’ll never admit it, but her tits do make him forget why he’s mad in the first place.

“Alright,” he says, standing. “You want me to fuck your ass?”

He grabs her hips and spins her around so her ass is flush against his mostly-hard dick. He grinds against her, and she moans as she nods.

God, another first. He’s high with the thought.

He steps back. Spanks her ass again. “Get on the bed.”

[henrioo]

Luffy is aroace! Just shut up

(catchy title without purpose because it's my post and I can do what I want and I'm really tired and irritated by this speech)

There's something that really irritates me about the One Piece community in general

"Luffy doesn't have sex because he's aroace!"

???? Aroace people have sex??

Like, people talk like aroace people can't have sex or have relationships

And I know there will be people who just like this hcs or like to say this because they are aroace and want to identify themselves and that's ok

But most people who say this are not Aroace and don't even have the slightest knowledge about Aroace people

You know, being an aroace doesn't make you a robot incapable of having sex and falling in love, that's not how it works???

And yes, you can say that he doesn't have sex AND he's an aroace, but you can't EVER say that he doesn't have sex JUST because he's an aroace

This is fucking prejudiced

Seriously, this type of thinking is why the aroace community is so invalid and treated like a joke

And a fact for those who don't know, you can NOT have sex and guess what, NOT be aroace or ace

Because one thing has NOTHING to do with the other???

If you don't think Luffy doesn't have sex or would have a relationship, this is your hcs and it's ok!! You are free to find whatever you want, and also it's ok to have Luffy with hcs aroace, nothing wrong about that!

But don't use aroace as a justification for saying "oh he doesn't have sex because he's an aroace" because like I said, aroace people can YES HAVE SEX

Just do a little research before you start talking shit, people may not want relationships and sex without being aroace

It's not like, oh I don't like sex therefore I'm ace, that's not how it works???

Regardless of what you feel, only YOU can say what you are, if you don't consider yourself any lgbt label, then you are not lgbt

It's just, frustrating, because I see, like, people saying that Luffy doesn't have sex because he's an aroace and here I am an aroace who has no problem having sex and does have a desire for it

Seriously, if you are going to talk about something that you have no place to talk about and is not part of your community, the least you can do is research it, don't be stupid

If you have any questions about aroace people, feel free to send me a message, I love talking about my community and everything it encompasses, because series, the aroace community is much more extensive than you can imagine

But anyway, you author, when you talk about a subject that you don't understand, just research it first, don't come off as homophobic or prejudiced for nothing, ok? :))

[dangermousie]

Lost You Forever ep 37

There are a lot of things going on in this ep but one of them is XY finding it a lot harder to let go than she thought it would be. Her immediate reaction to Jing's family mess was to cut him off and it was pure self-preservation on her part - I mean, she didn't even think to let Jing know his supposedly demure fiancee was an assassin for hire by fifth and seventh kings, which was not only a safety issue but something that may have helped him to break off the engagement before the pregnancy and maybe even after, because she really did not want to fight for him. And it was because she wants to protect her heart at all costs. But I think she is learning that being passive and waiting to be pursued and detaching when there is trouble didn't actually result in self-preservation. She is still hurt and she still hasn't gotten over him (so perhaps fighting would have been worth it, because not fighting led not to indifference but to pain.) And Jing really does look like a ghost and then he sees her and he's in pain if at least marginally more alive but he's just so beaten down.

One thing hasn't changed - he still is on it like a hawk at the first sign of her in trouble.

I do love how often he's depicted as a supplicant - on his knees in front of her.

When she comes to and withdraws her hand and you can see him trying his damnedest not to cling and failing...

If you want to switch up the flavors of misery have CX, and my heart breaks for him here utterly, as he's marrying a woman he does not love or even know, to solidify his position and to protect XY. It is not any different than when he was pretending to be a playboy chasing those random women and hating it so much - I remember his telling XY he hated their smell and here he is, with another woman and this time forever.

His face in that last cap- I just want to cry. Did I mention that CX is my favorite male character now? He is digging his own grave as determinedly and as knowingly as XL and ouch ouch ouch ouch. By following her insane "romantic love above all" credo, his mother (who literally committed suicide to be with her dead husband instead of raising her freaking small child who was surrounded by sharks!) made sure her son will never even have a chance at love.

The bit with Jing watching XY with XL and this time all he can do is watch in silent despair because he has no right? Ouch ouch ouch.

When he walks into the feast room, he really looks like he can barely lift his feet and it's a miracle he does not trip over the threshold and collapse.

(Oh, the bitter irony since this is applicable to both CX and Jing.)

The chemistry between them is insane and I was rooting for them to kiss (sorry Jing, I still root for you!) but of course he won't let it. XL is determined to march on to his death for his cause and is shutting down any hope/part of him that wants to instead seek love and the future - by lashing out or avoidance or just shutting things down. It's pretty horrifying tbh. They are all so traumatized.

If even Rich Jesus is rolling his eyes at you, you know you fucked up. (I am so sad she didn't live to see the fallout!)

I "love" granny being sooo excited to see the spawn of satan, completely not caring that her supposed beloved grandson (who she drugged into this!) looks like the walking dead.

The fact that he still mourns for the old monster when she keels over - I could never but then this is the gentleness that XY fell for and that had the patience to woo her. Everything has plusses and minuses.

PS I loved this bit so much. She can't let go, can she? The empress of denial and moving on is incapable. How can anyone argue after stuff like this that she doesn't love him?

[izzysbeans]

ok but why are people incapable of accepting that they may have been wrong about someone when a celebrity gets cancelled? like every fucking time someone gets cancelled for doing some shit every fucking comment online is like "i never liked them" or "when has anyone cared about this person" like shut up if no one cared they obviously wouldn't have been famous in the first place

i don't give a shit about Blake Lively either but i can still recognize she was a hit girl especially in the 2000's having been in iconic movies and shows like sisterhood of the traveling pants and gossip girl, and her husband is very much liked by the general public, also i swear to god the internet was worshipping her at ever met gala for her looks two seconds ago and now it's "i never liked her" come on be real for a second you are allowed to like someone when you don't know all the information and then change your mind when you find out that they aren't who you thought they were

or maybe that's too nuanced a take idk

disclaimer: i am not going to claim that all the people making those comments are lying, I'm sure some are genuine, I'm just saying it feels so fucking performative to see most people like a celebrity and then the moment they do anything bad there's this "ah! i knew it! i have such good instinct! I'm always right!" or "i am so above pop culture i have never even bothered myself with the existence of this human, i am a higher being who lives in the moment in real life, i do not concern myself with such low level gossip *laughs like a sailor moon villan*" like i never its freedom of speech but this just such odd behavior idk maybe I'm just a hater

[whippersnappersbookworm]

This may sound like oversharing but I am freaking tired of my mother and her inability to stand up for herself. Like leave standing up to my father and telling him to shut up , she doesn't even stand up to the maid! Our maid literally does nothing she was supposed to do , like she doesn't clean the house properly, doesn't cook the things she was requested to cook . Not only that one time we had to leave my dog alone for three days , the creches were all booked up so we decided to leave her on home with our maid. She said yes and promised to take care of her,my mother even payed her extra but she completely bailed on us and left my dog all alone . My dog was so scared and hungry when we came back ,but my mother didn't uttered a single word, didn't even question her after we get to know the truth from the neighbours , she just paid her the money! Like are you fucking kidding me? Even after that I didn't say anything because she never listens to me but today I lost patience and asked our maid (politely may I add) to get her shit together. And guess what happened my mother got angry with me and blamed me for all of her problems! Like are you serious? How come I become the villain every single time? I am the one who is always making sure that you are ok, I held your hand when you were going through depression even though you never did any of that while I was suffering. I had the chance to leave you and go outside West Bengal to study , but I didn't because I didn't want you to be all alone . I am continuously doing everything I can to help you , I am acting as a parent since I was 11 years old , I never get to enjoy my childhood ,I have to take care of everything in our house starting from bank details to bills because my mother being the youngest child never bothered to learn this. The only thing I ask in return is a bit of love and care but apparently you are incapable of doing that . I am seriously tired of her ...why do parents love torturing us like this? Why?

Idk why I am writting this on Tumblr, I know I will regret this as soon as I calm down but ok ...

[autisticjoshrusso]

What are your favorite Josh headcanons?

its the way that im so incapable of shutting the fuck up about this guy but the moment i get asked directly im like UHHHH IDK. so apologies if this is kind of a mess <3 also i rarely think about cute and fluffy things i am always digging deep into trauma and such so uh yeah these are going to be on the heavier side.

The biggest one is obviously that he's autistic, shocking I know. Who would've guessed this would be a dearly held headcanon of tumblr user autisticjoshrusso. It truly makes me so insane and I'm incapable of like... properly summarizing it in its entirety so I am actually working on going through ep by ep breaking down my thoughts about it. So far there's just this one post, but I am slowly but surely working through a series rewatch and doing this along the way. So. Stay tuned? JKDFHKJ

I think he was very obviously Gay even as a child and that it definitely affected his ability to socialize throughout his entire childhood and adolescence. Like he's very much giving "only had female friends who may or may not have treated him like an actual human person and not their accessory GBF". And he still leans into that "persona" sometimes as an adult because it's an easy way to be liked <3 again its the autism but yknow.....

Speaking of childhood, he's giving only child to me. And I think his relationship to his parents is just... non-existent. He didn't deliberately cut contact, it wasn't any sort of dramatic abuse situation, they just... aren't close? It's that thing where they knew he was gay from the start but also never really knew how to handle it, never being fully accepting but not outright hateful, just a very awkward medium that made it difficult to form a lasting bond into adulthood. They text once per holiday and are friends on Facebook.

This one doesn't really have much of a canon basis but rather builds on my other headcanons, and that's that growing up being a Known Gay led him to well... his own kind of Buck 1.0 era, so to speak. Basically being the favorite secret hookup for every deeply closeted sports bro, which was horrific for his mental health but was like... scraps of attention/intimacy that he wouldn't get otherwise, so why not keep doing it? I like this one because not only does it make the whole trying to avoid a meaningless hookup when he rejoined dating apps thing more meaningful and hurt even more than it already does, but also adds a new layer of substance to his beef with Eddie that I think is really interesting.

The timeline of this show is all sorts of fucked so I've just decided that like... he either just turned or will soon be turning 40, and definitely has some feelings about that because when he was younger he did NOT expect he'd live to be that old <3 Not necessarily in an active ideation way, but more of a passive disregard for his life and just general queer pessimism? I hold that Sue saved his life twice, first in the fire and then by giving him a job that gave him an actual sense of purpose and direction for probably the first time ever. Every time he thinks about the fact he might actually end up being a proper Queer Elder he just?? surprised pikachu meme.

I was going to just do five of these but for the sake of not having all of these be sad as fuck, one last bonus one for you is that I think his main special interest(s) is celebrities and films and pop culture and stuff like that <3 like he WILL infodump about the lead actress' entire filmography before you can actually watch the movie.

Thank you for asking I love talking about my favorite special guy <3 Minor characters are my absolute favorite and I love to come up with deeper backstories than what we're given based on over-analyzing all of their behaviors <3

[the1975attheirverybest]

I’ve been a huge Taylor fan since 2009 and I 100% feel you. I’m sick of her right now. So so tired from May and all the shit that came from (most) swifties. I’m not even joking when I say all of my swiftie friends turned on me and participated in the backlash, even a few that were 75 fans?? It was truly all so performative, because why didn’t you give a fuck before this? 

I’m beyond sick of Maylors too. I liked the idea of them but it’s over, give it a rest. I saw a thread a few days ago that said IILWY is about Taylor, completely disregarding that lyric about a black girl. Realllly side-eyeing the fans that just pretend like he wasn’t with Twigs for 3 years, especially when they might’ve been engaged. That breakup really seemed hard on him. Also people saying It’s Not Living is about her?? It literally has a line about shooting up heroin in it but okay. 

It also upsets me that she didn’t shut any of that shit down. In a way I’ve lost some respect for her. She didn’t have to say anything specifically about Matty but god tell some fans to fuck off for once. 

Sorry for the long message, it just seems like you share some of my frustrations, and I know a lot of others do. 

No, no, I totally understand and 10000% agree with you. This is a safe space for venting frustrations lol.

And, yeah, I was (and still am) sickened by all that shit. ESPECIALLY the twigs stuff. I had half a mind to rant about it on here the other day but I felt like it would fall on deaf ears. I’ve even had conversations with some Maylors, tried to hear them out and see their logic. See if I can offer them mine. It’s like they’re incapable of understanding that matty would sing about anything but love or anything BUT TAYLOR. I’d be like “yeah sure it SOUNDS like a love song but it’s about drugs” they’d conveniently gloss over the line or say “beautiful shoes Taylor is known for her shoes.” IS SHE???!! I’ve never heard that before ever.

I’m so sorry about your swiftie friends. I’ve had the same experience. Though they weren’t 75 fans they just supported my obsession with the band lol. But yeah. Personally, I think Taylor is a great artist and has earned her place in pop history. But other than that…..idk. Especially when it comes to speaking out about stuff. She either won’t, or will do it in a way that comes off as paying lip service. Which is fine. I’m not saying every artist should be an activist. Actually it’d be great if uninformed people stopped performing wokeness and stfu and left it to experts. But she holds away with swifties she could’ve said some passive aggressive shit about being kind or whatever. Idkkk man.

It’s just a lot right now and it’s everywhere even when I don’t go looking for it, it seems to find me lmao. It’s okay though. Things will calm down eventually. I’m sure it also has to do with the fact that they’re both touring right now and in the public eye. Hopefully the weird maylor shit will calm down with time. But yeah I’m so done with trying to respect their pov or whatever. They’ve gone wayyyyy over the line.

[caelumsnuff]

i want to hear your recent opinions ^O^

Thank you for soliciting my opinions lol

So! With the resurrection of the whole “making characters a certain race” discussion, I have had So Many Opinions about the entire situation.

I feel like a significant amount of people from both sides have come at the discussion in bad faith and that’s only caused more tension and halted any meaningful dialogue we could have been having from this whole thing. On one hand we have people who are rightfully suspicious about the entirety of someone’s cast being white/seemingly only making characters poc when they fit stereotypes associated with those races, and on the other hand we have people who did such a thing and refuse to analyze their own mannerisms.

To be very very clear: we are correct to be suspicious when white people do these things!!! But i think where many go wrong is walking into discussions having already let their suspicions turn into assumptions; if you show up to a discussion already having made up your mind about someone, you’re never going to get anywhere! You cannot have productive discussions whilst attacking another person for being racist when you don’t even know if they are actually a racist, they’re only ever going to go on the defensive. And you know, when you think someone may have a little bit of implicit bias, you want to actually get them to analyze and deconstruct those biases, not immediately get defensive and shut down criticism because they feel attacked.

And also, i think it's ridiculous that almost every single white person has just automatically ignored why we may be uncomfortable with a cast suspiciously missing any people of color, or only making characters of color when they seem to fit into stereotypes. They ask "why?" and then disregard any of our explanations. I understand when someone comes and accuses you of something you can end up feeling attacked, but as an adult it's your responsibility to 1) assess whether you're actually being attacked and if you're not, 2) whether or not their assumptions are true. If you want to be an anti-racist person, you should actually be analyzing the things you do that might be born of implicit bias instead of going "nope! not racist! therefore i am incapable of doing something racist!" because thats just blatantly false.

Theres so many reasons that someone could have made every character played by Erik white, the easiest of which being that Erik's white. People associate voices with faces sometimes, and we all know what that white guy looks like, his face is everywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if some people cannot imagine characters Erik voices as looking drastically different than him. The appearance of his characters are supposed to be for you to decide. I can imagine that for some people not being give a face to associate with a certain character they just automatically see Erik or someone who looks similarly.

I also find the idea of looking for representation from random artists in the fandom pretty iffy, especially when its from characters that are all voiced by a single white boy. Please please please, go find and support VAs and ASMRists who are actually POC instead of relying on fan-artists and a single white boy for representation.

All in all just.... treat each other kindly and with grace, do some introspection on your own subconscious actions and decisions, and stop spitting straight vitriol at one another because of something in a fucking boyfriend roleplay asmr fandom. Give others the benefit of the doubt, and give yourself the chance to grow and unlearn some things growing up in a racist society may have taught you.

[thatll-do]

top five favorite video game characters?

Ok, so I originally had this whole thing with pics and gifs typed out, and I was on the last sentence before posting answer when tumblr glitched out and deleted all of it. So Imma redo it and hopefully do the original draft justice, but without gifs and pics just in case that was what screwed it up

Edit: it happened a third time >:(

1: As a devout Haru stan and apologist, it pains me a little to say that I have not had the full Haru experience, having not played any of the spinoffs or supplementary material outside of Persona 5 Royal, and we are not counting the Haru that exists only in my head, which is why despite my love for her, I cannot in good conscious call her one of my favorite video game characters, yet. With that in mind, I will have to with mild begrudges have to hand it to Futaba. What can I say? I have no choice but to stan an internationally wanted hacker who is capable of shutting down governments from her phone while being incapable of calling the pizza place down the road without going into a nervous breakdown. Plus, have you seen her? She smol. Diminutive. Gremlin shaped. Perfectly scampable. Plus, I feel she provides a very welcome change of pace with her palace in the story, being the only one where the antagonist is not some overtly hostile villain being quite refreshing for when she comes into the story, with her overall arc being very satisfying to watch play out, both in the grand narrative and in her smaller personal interactions. However, I must admit I'm not overtly fond of how navigators are used in Persona games, with them feeling generally detached from the general gameplay loop of them not being active party members, but as someone who doesn't typically go for JRPG's I am totally willing to recognize this may just be a me thing and that my sensibilities might not quite line up with how these things typically go

2: Surprise motherfucker! Nobody expects Wheatley! Which is a shame, because he's great, but it's understandable. On the one hand, you have GLaDOS, who was scientifically engineered to be fucking hilarious at every possible moment. And then in the other corner you have Chell, a fine self insert to insert your sense of self into, who shoots things when you tell her to. But people often overlook this little metal ball of idiocy, and what he brings to the table. First, he brings a very different kind of humor to the table that I think tends to go a bit underappreciated by the audience, and I'm not just talking about the slapstick and general incompetency, although that is also top notch. Honestly, just his inane ramblings are fucking comedy gold on their own that I could listen to for hours. He's also surprisingly arguably a more effective antagonist than GLaDOS. I went into Portal 2 almost completely blind, and while GLaDOS's insults were funny, they never really like stung or anything. There wasn't any real substance to it, it was just a one-sided hatred from my perspective. But Wheatley? When he did his heel-turn, I was in active shock. It took me several seconds to fully process what the fuck had just occurred. Unlike GLaDOS, there was a genuine bond formed, and breaking that opened so many doors despite slamming my fingers in them. And highlights what he does incredibly well. He brings a certain element of chaos and danger that GLaDOS could never have due to the fact that she has a functional sense of self preservation. With GLaDOS, you know what you're in for. She's gonna try to kill you, but she's gonna do it through elaborate traps and her patent pending Aperture Science Testing Chambers, but never directly, and she sticks to those rules. She is bound to them, and because of that you can plan around them and monkey your way out of it. But Wheatley? Wheatley in charge of Aperture is like a ticking time bomb without the watch. He doesn't even know what the rules are, otherwise he wouldn't mash two testing tracks together like a four-year-old smashing two lego master-builder sets together and almost accidentally killing you in the process.

3: Madeline, from Celeste. She is trans and I can project myself onto that

Not much else to say, really

4: Nope, you're not getting off that easy. The actual thing about Maddy is that, genderisms aside, I don't think I've ever felt quite as seen as I have with her. Celeste, by all accounts, is a very simple game. Both in terms of story and mechanics. The story is you climb a magical mountain in Canada, and the mechanics are run, jump, and climb. But it's how these two interplay to put you in the mindset of her, how anxiety hounds you, how it unnerves and undermines you, getting you stuck doing the same things making the same mistakes over and over again, is where Madeline really strikes a chord with me. And the game really doesn't shy away from how "tricks" and coping techniques can help but they're not a cure-all, they don't always work. Your fears and worries will break through, and you can try to ignore them, or leave them behind entirely, but you really can't. The only way to deal with them is to accept them for what they are, that they're just a part of you but you nonetheless and need to work with them. Her frankly snippy personality is also appreciated, because like, while it's not the nicest thing it's refreshing to see someone who's kinda just really tired of people act on that annoyance even if it's not strictly other people's fault for setting it off. And also her being trans just really brings it in for me

Actual number 4: This may be because I'm a horny shill, or maybe because I would prefer to liken myself as something of a philosopher, but I find myself drawn to 2B and her plights and think that the world of Nier:Automata provides some of the most profound and insightful moments modern gaming can offer. She's something of a stoic hardass, meant to be unfeeling of the world around her but still taking note of the absurdity of it all and sometimes going along with the unexpected asides from the farce she finds herself in. For all intents and purposes, she's just a cog in the machine, just a perfect mindless unthinking AI soldier in a proxy war with machine enemies that has spanned millennia. But as much as she plays the part, she can't help but display an overt world-weary awareness of her role that she's lived and relived time and time again. It may be only displayed subtly most of the time, but those tinges in her interactions quickly bleed out once you get a fuller picture of the story at hand.

5: Ok, as tempted as I was to put a FromSoft character here, even I have to admit that I find their interactable NPC's rather lacking. And while I like a fair amount of them, I would never call them my top of the list favorites. Instead, I'll go with my favorite companion who is trapped in one of my least favorite games, Curie from Fallout 4. I'll try to keep this spoiler free since I think you've been playing it and I don't wanna ruin anything for you, but simply put Curie is a sweetheart. You find her long abandoned in what was one of the most monstrous vaults designed, made purely to violate every medical ethics code in the book, but she spends her days toiling away trying to create medicines instead. After nearly 200 years alone, she's eager to explore the world, and she just has this bright-eyed curiosity about the wasteland that's rather infectious. Where most people see ruins and decay, she sees resilience and life persisting, and that kind of optimism in such a jaded setting hits like a hot shower after a filthy day outside. She's not terribly complicated, but she doesn't need to be

[witchern]

if you wouldn’t mind, may i ask how you got into your career? did you get a degree in it, what is your degree? how long did it take you to progress in the field?

totally disregard this if it’s too much! i just noticed your about and i’ve followed you for awhile and im a bit interested in the field you’re in!

omg of course, i don't mind at all! i actually kinda love talking about it – i'm the type of loser who genuinely likes their career (even though you WILL still see me bitching about the stupid aspects of it lmao).

under a cut because i am apparently incapable of shutting up!!

so i actually kinda fell into this line of work out of desperation lmao. i was originally trying to get a job in book publishing after i graduated college which is, like....notoriously difficult to break into. so after struggling for so damn long, i was at my wit's end when i had a thought like, "well, i grew up using social media. i'm on it all the time. i know how it works. lemme see if i can finagle this into a resume."

and then somehow it fucking worked??? i saw a job posting looking for a social media person to work specifically on this one company's twitter and tumblr accounts. yes, they were on tumblr. in 2016. and they needed someone who knew how it worked and how to run a blog. i was the only terminally online loser who fit the bill, and that's literally how i got started.

as far as degrees go, i majored in creative writing. social media degrees/studies were only JUST getting off the ground when i graduated, so it wasn't much of a thing back then. everything i know was either self-taught or learned via the WONDERFUL community of social media managers i've found over the years. there are SO many people who work in this field who are eager to help each other out, because the irony of it all is that it's.....kind of an isolating job? even though you're basically the frontline/mouthpiece of the company, your coworkers tend to forget about you. i've been left out of whole entire marketing meetings because they figured they could just hand me a pile of random content with ZERO context and i'd just be able to magically piece everything together by myself. so it's nice to have a community of folks that have been through the same struggles and can act as a shoulder for you to lean on when things get frustrating. and yeah, if i ever have a question about anything – from "what's a reasonable salary range for this position" to "what the fuck is going on with the instagram algorithm today" – someone will always answer.

and as for job progression, it's funny – when it comes to the actual job function, i haven't really "risen" up the ranks that much, but i LIKE it that way! i don't want to be a manager or anything like that – i really do love being the person who gets to dream up the content, write the captions, film the videos (sometimes), and figure out the best ways to share them. i've worked at 4 different companies since 2016 and by total coincidence, at each company i was the first person they'd ever hired to run social media as a single entity, rather than just handing it off to an employee who already had a full-time job of their own. so that means i also get to set all the benchmarks and design all the platform strategies from scratch – which sounds daunting but again, i'm the kind of loser who finds that shit fun lmao. it's partly creative and partly analytical, so it never gets boring.

ANYWAY yeah, can you tell i love chatting about this stuff lmao. it started out with me bullshitting my way into that first job by being like "i've been terminally online since 2009, please hire me" and now i actually DO know what i'm doing. kind of nuts!! i love it lol 💕

[alyosiuscreightonward]

Dear Diary. I need to get out of my head. I overthink. I don’t know what is true or false. My emotions are everywhere. It’s very much like attempting to dodge the raindrops. One may have an umbrella but no matter how one tries, you will still get wet.

This is exactly why I am “The Demolition Man.” I destroy everything in my life. I will never have anything nice. I do have my mom’s Baccarat Crystal but it’s in bubble wrap and in a box and it’s probably never going to see the light of day.

I’m having one of those Walmart Temper Tantrums. I want to be told that I am a terrible human being because I have no right to my feelings about him.

These feelings I have, well, I don’t want them. I was just able to make do without having feelings. But since I am a fucking loser who needs to be put down like a patient of Jack Kevorkian. No way wait a minute. Just shoot me in the head or something and let me die right there. Or even better yet, I’ll stand in the middle of the street and I’ll wait to get hit by a car. Or maybe he will get in his truck and just run me down. I’ll be more than happy to jump in front of him so he can erase me.

He will most likely say that he is so very sorry that he reignited feelings that I have absolutely no right to having. I don’t deserve anything. I am told that I have to go and live my life with nothing. All I’m allowed to have are my material possessions and absolutely nothing else. I am not allowed to have feelings.

Just tell me that I suck and I need to shut the fuck up and stop existing. GO!! DON’T!! YOU’RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!! Die. Motherfucker, Die.

I’m sure that he is terrified of me. He likes the attention but that’s it. I know that he has other things going in his life and sadly I’m the interloper. I am the person that gets in but was never invited. “I’d invite you but I’m afraid you’d accept.”

I will never know. I’ve got to come to grips with knowing that I am incapable. Yes, I am quite well aware that he has bullshit going on in his life and I can’t be apart of it because he is terrified of me. He doesn’t want to know me anymore.

Are there other people who are throwing themselves at him and he doesn’t know what to do about it because he probably prefers vagina over a penis and testicles. He has a very nice penis and testicles. I’m a fucking Eunuch and my junk is gone. Even if I do have an erection, and I do masturbate, my little two minute thing is not going to bring me pleasure. I don’t deserve it and I don’t deserve that pleasure. I’m a loser.

Does he actually think that it’s going to be one of those hyper-sexualized moments? It’s not a fucking porn. There will be no kissing or anything like it is portrayed in a porn video. That’s not what I want. But does he know that?!

This is all because I wanted to actually talk to someone last night on my way home but I think that when I called him, he saw my number and bitch slapped me. So therefore I am so fucking needy and I don’t deserve to have him in my life. LOSER!!!

YOU DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING!!!

Apparently when I get the smallest amount of attention, I’m picking out China patterns? I’m sending out invitations?!

I think of the lyrics, “It’s silly of me, to think you could ever be my guy.” Deniece Williams is on the money with that song. Or even better yet, GWAR said it best, “I’M SICK OF YOU!!”

“Dreams welcome.” BULLSHIT!! I’m my own worst enemy and I’m just the living embodiment of being the best example of “Inner Saboteur.” I’m the Demolition Man.

He probably won’t break it to me gently. He will just drop me and go on with his life without me in it. I bet he’s sorry that he ever met me. I’m sure he hates me. I’m sure that he wants me dead. I just ruin everything!!

I’m sure that he will say, “You don’t deserve anything. You’re a loser. Just please go the fuck away.” Now I’m sure that this conversation will never happen. Because I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to have feelings and he’s going to make sure of it.

He will squish me like a bug. He will most likely cut off his ankle rather than scrape me off the bottom of his shoe.

I brought this on. I just wanted to hold him in my arms. Now, I’m going to accept that I’m a loser and I don’t deserve anything. I’m just old and ugly and stupid and just another loser who exists and I don’t deserve to exist.

I’m going to tell you one last time. I did not want these feelings. I hid them away for years. Years. I denied them. I had not been with another warm body for more than 20 years. I went around and checked myself. If I had a feeling, I went about to get rid of them. I see it now. We don’t deserve each other anymore.

“What were you thinking?! Jesus H Fucking Christ, insert government name here. That was your biggest mistake to think! Get the fuck over it and disappear!!”

[c0smicfern]

idk how to phrase this exactly. i know what i want to write, but it's hard to write it out coherently when the conceptualization part of my brain & the... word forming part of my brain aren't talking to each other. basically, i know i've been a bit rampant with the internalized ableism lately. it's a nasty habit that i can get into, particularly when my functioning is as dampened as it is now. got super overstimulated at the grocery store and nearly had another *something* in my car. when i finally managed to calm my brain down, i knew i still wanted to listen to music on the ride home, even if at 1/4th the volume i normally do. realized that the playlist i had been listening to while driving around wouldn't do my brain any good, esp since there's a bunch of hard rock & metal in it. i also remembered that i made a playlist specifically for that very situation the last time i burned out. i was just... struck by the amount of compassion & self-care i was capable of showing myself not very long ago. made me feel... guilty ig. bc i haven't been doing that so far during this burnout. i called out from work today, but i nearly made myself go in. i feel like that definitely contributed to the catatonia this morning. i identify more with the logical & volitional parts of my brain, but it's like the other parts pushed back against us this morning so hard that we completely shut down. like, 'yeah, you think we're going in? nope. you're not in charge here right now.' i need to remember how to love myself like i was capable of doing during the last burnout bc so far? this one has been *so much fucking worse* & that's almost assuredly bc i've been denying that i'm burnt out & trying to go on as i had been only a week ago. it's definitely been pushing others away as well. it's probably hard to believe that i love autistic people when i'm seemingly incapable of loving myself as i am rn. i wasn't expecting to burn out again so quickly or really... at all, ever again, but it happened. the only way i'm going to be able to recover & not push people away is by being the person who made the recovery playlist that i listened to on the way home from the store.

edit: i'm also. a bit closer to accepting that i'm probably autistic. for two reasons, mostly. first, i literally don't know what else it could possibly be at this point. second, my intuition has been scary accurate about these things, historically. while my logic has driven me astray more times than i can count. it's cold & calculating, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be a more accurate way of arriving at conclusions. i'll probably end up doubting it again when i come out of the burnout, but it seems irrevocably true right now. i really don't know what else could be causing these issues. i think, maybe, i was just better at finding patterns in people's behavior than some other autistic people. i do remember being much less socially attuned as a kid & teenager. to the point that i may not have been looking up how to read social cues or tell what people are thinking, but i probably picked up on it from studying interactions irl. that's my working theory bc, while autism as an explanation seemed really unlikely in-between the last burnout & this one, it still makes more sense than *anything else*. it's not c-ptsd, it's not the depression, and it's not schizophrenia. moreover, my few experiences with involuntary violence make me feel like it's almost assured. i got *very good* at masking & keeping my shit together bc my presentation of it is highly atypical & i'm *usually* very low support needs. obviously not rn. in fact, i kinda regret not asking my fiancée to pick up my meds for me, but i digress. those skills are something that i'm going to have to rebuild if i want to, but i feel like being that high-masking probably contributed to these burnouts. i ended up holding so much shit in that i feel worse than i ever have. it's going to be a struggle to continue accepting the reality of the situation when i finally break out of this again & continue using my disability aids, but it's important so this doesn't happen *again*. with my luck & executive functioning, it probably will, but it may not happen for years if i take *slightly better* care of myself. anyway, that's it. i'm probably autistic. i've hit two burnout periods in the span of one year & i literally *Don't Know What Else It Could Possibly Be*.

[theater-for-jocks]

Hi I’m chel I’m 30 wholeass years old and I accidentally got into wwe

some notes:

fairly casual, mostly just here to ramble and maybe occasionally reblog. and have a bisexual crisis. sorry about that.

I DON'T KNOW SHIT, SORRY IF I CHEER ON SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY SUCKS.

i love analysis and am incapable of thinking about stuff solely from a OH WOW FIGHT GOOD standpoint so i will talk about kayfabe or booking decisions or narrative choices A Lot.

….but also this may or may not turn into a chronicle of my bisexual crises. Sorry about that.

i will rarely use names (and only full names once in a blue moon) outside of reblogs because as broken as this site is stuff WILL come up and i don't want to be used as narrative discourse fuel. and also to spare a certain terror twin in case i decide to call him babygirl. Which I inevitably will. IT'S A BIT I SWEAR.

tags and shit:

#hot takes station: the tag for me to complain about takes i see online. twitter is a hellscape.

#chel critiques sometimes: the tag where I test out my wrestling critique skills

#[i’ll figure this out later too]: PLE predictions/reactions

Wrestlers themselves are generally tagged “file under: [nickname/gimmick]”, chosen at my discretion. I CONSTANTLY forget to use tags.

space for other tags here

faves etc. under the cut

Top Faves: TERROR TWINS MY BELOVEDS! Damian Priest is sliiiightly higher than Rhea Ripley but I usually refer to them together out of convenience. Rhea got me interested and Damian got me invested and now I am in hell.

Second Fave (third fave?): JEY USO I LOVE THE TERROR TRIO

Others I love to watch: SAMI ZAYN, ZELINA VEGA, ALPHA ACADEMY (especially maxxine my beloved mwah mwah), Kevin Owens, Bianca Belair, Jade Cargill, Lyra Valkyria, Bayley, Naomi, Street Profits, Candice LeRae, LA Knight, Wyatt Sicks, ANDRADE WHY DID I FORGET HIM, Jordynne Grace promoted to this section for reasons, PIPER NIVEN

SPECIAL NXT CATEGORY: Thea Hall (LET HER KICK RIDGE HOLLAND'S ASS), Tatum Paxley, Fraxiom (is fine), Kelani Jordan, GIULIA HOW DID I FORGET GIULIA, JE’VON EVANS HOW DID I FORGET HIM TOO

Love to Hate: Liv Morgan (holy shit she is so good at being the like Popular Girl Who Wants You Specifically Dead type), most of the Bloodline tbh, Tiffany Stratton, Gunther (motherfucking classist piece of—), the rest of the current JD lineup (except mcdonough fuck that guy for real, and I guess also except Carlito who hasn’t actively done anything to make me hate him he’s just vibin and I’m here for it), Chad Gable and the rest of his clown lineup ("American Made" god shut up), the rock I guess

Special NXT category 2 electric boogaloo: Ethan Page -.-, Roxanne Perez but it’s kinda complicated w/ her like I GUESS she’s a heel but one of those heels it’s hard to root against? WENDY CHOO I LOVE HER

Special Hell Category: I am alarmingly invested in Dom Mysterio’s future development but also every time he speaks I cry a little bit. I know that’s the point but god. My guy please break up with Liv and find yourself I really wanna see what you become when your storyline fully centers on you! ALSO CHELSEA GREEN. SHE ANNOYS ME SO BAD BUT I LOVE HER.

For legal purposes this is a joke: this is a Logan Paul hateblog. He’s frustratingly good at being a heel but also I have been around the internet long enough to Remember Things.

This is not really a Dave Meltzer hate blog I don’t have an issue with the guy as a person I just don’t think he’s very good at his job. (Update: this might be a dave meltzer hate blog.)

THIS IS HOWEVER A VINCE MCMAHON HATE BLOG. AS GOD INTENDED. JESUS CHRIST.

Well I guess I should prep a pinned post while I watch

[lovingperfectionsblog]

Flinch

Max Verstappen x Reader

Requested: Yes

Heyyyyyyy, loved the new max fic! I was hoping you could do a max X (famous) Reader where the reader went through physical and verbal abuse from her parents as a child. Now they've been dating for a while and Max knows she isn't super close to her parents but doesn't know why. And like something max says/does in an argument just triggers her accidentally and she just huffs out of the apartment (not a breakup, just a let's do this later) and max is super pissed cause he doesn't know what he did. Then reader comes back very late at night and Max is sleeping in their room but wakes up when he hears the door open and he goes to check on her and she's just sitting on the floor with her head between her knees and her back to the couch and her shoulders are shaking so max thinks she's crying but she isn't making a sound, and this is where he feels like something is truly wrong (cause he's never seen the reader cry before). Then he walks towards her, and even though he's super silent, she hears his footsteps and she just immediately stops crying and puts on a tough face which makes max suspect her childhood was worse then he thought.  He goes and sits and asks her what's wrong and she finally tells him the truth and he comforts her and tells her that he'd never do anything to hurt her.

Summary: Max discovers the abuse his girlfriend had been subjected to as a child after he messes up.

Warnings: Abuse, talking about historic abuse, language.

Word Count: 2448

Authors Note: So this request has been sitting in my inbox for far too long now and honestly I really did want to write this one but truthfully this was a difficult one to write, albeit cathartic because a lot of this is based on my own experiences and the realization of that flinch when you experience when you are in an environment that you are actually safe in is a gut wrenching feeling. So if you like this I am glad, if you don’t, that’s okay, it was helpful to me. If you ever face any abuse or you aren’t even sure you are facing abuse, please reach out. You are not alone (as cliché that may seem), but you are not alone and there are ways to get help and there are ways to make sure you are safe, both mentally and physically, and speaking from experience, all it takes sometimes is doing the thing that everyone tells you is wrong but truly is the best thing for you. Please please be safe and always speak out against abuse and always make sure you are safe, physically, emotionally and mentally. You are loved and cherished and most importantly you are seen.

Also to note, I based a lot of this on the guilt and fear around what you experience and the tactics learnt to survive environments. I hope it is okay and I hope everyone likes it and has a wonderful, safe day <3

_____

“Max, I said I am done talking about this” your voice was low and cold, no longer willing to entertain the argument that Max had started through one of his bad moods.

“And I am not” Truthfully neither of you even knew what this argument was even about at this point, but it was in full swing with Max only gearing up.

Max wishes he could stop, Lord knows he wishes he could stop but once he was in one of these moods it was like his entire brain shut down and all he felt was anger, not thought it, felt it.

He hated that this was your first fight, over something that he couldn’t even remember but the first fight had to happen didn’t it and Max was not about to lose it.

“Max, either you talk calmly so we can discuss the actual issue, or we drop this until you have calmed down” you weren’t willing to just encourage a screaming match because at this point it seemed like you were going around in circles and Max was too angry to listen to any reason.

“The fucking issue is you never fucking support me, or is that something you’re incapable of doing, just tagging a long with the little rich boy for the ride of it all?” the words felt like dirt in his mouth. He knew that realistically you were in the only person in this god forsaken world of his that actually truly did give a shit about him truly, that you actually really did love him, but he was angry, and he wanted to hurt someone, he wanted to hurt you.

“Max, I’m sorry baby, I’ll try harder next time, I didn’t mean to not support you, I’ll do better from now on” you knew you weren’t wrong, but this was the next best option and the sudden fear from Max’s continuous screeching was overwhelming you and backing you into a corner. You were now doing what you had to in order to survive. What they had taught you to survive.

Placate. Agree. Retreat.

Just say okay, just say sorry, hide.

“NO! NO! NO FUCKING SORRY’S NOW Y/N!” Max threw his hands up in the air in frustration, hitting the wall next to him.

And you flinched.

Silence filled the entire room. The entire argument completely over in a second from Max’s actions.

You flinched.

Retreat.

“I have to go” the room suddenly suffocating you.

Max suddenly terrifying you. Too man memories resurfacing from your childhood and if you didn’t get out of there now then Max would find out about it all and that was a conversation you weren’t entire ready to open up about.

Truthfully, if you never had to open up about it then you never would. People don’t exactly understand the type of childhood you had and eventually you get tired of explaining it for them to just turn around and still question why you refuse to let your parents into your life.

And no one had ever seen you flinch.

No one had made you feel vulnerable enough to flinch and you were angry that he had. You were angry that he had made you feel safe and broken down those walls only to do this to you.

In his defence, he didn’t know, and he didn’t need to.

Just. Get. Out.

Max could do nothing other than watch you leave. He didn’t try stop you. He didn’t try and make you stay. He just watched. Entire body frozen, hand still supporting him against the wall.

Every ounce of anger in his body was suddenly replaced with a mixture of shame and confusion.

Did he just make the woman he loves flinch in an argument?

The guilt suddenly consuming him entirely. He had hit the wall and made the woman he planned on one day marrying fucking flinch.

He needed to change. He was never going to do this again. This anger he was done with. This uncontrollable rage needed to go. He needed to do whatever he could to make sure you felt safe. He was never willing to see that fear in your eyes again. A fear he fucking caused.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Maybe he was the monster people thought he was.

Maybe he was his dad after all.

No. No. He was never going to be his father. Never. He was going to be better, and Max did not care what parts of himself he needed to kill off in order to make sure you felt safe around him. To make sure you never had to worry again in his presence. Even if he had to kill off any of the anger that spurred on his driving, it would be worth it.

He was not his father and he needed to be better for you.

Once Max had recovered from the shock of what he had done he was pulling out his phone and making arrangements. First, therapy for his anger issues and realistically, all the childhood ones he faced. Secondly couples’ therapy. When he said he was willing to do anything, he meant absolutely everything. Lastly, he was booking a week away for the both of you. Anything to try and get you to forgive him. Anything to make up for what he had done to you.

_____

Max felt sick as he lay in bed waiting for you to come home, if you were even going to come home.

If you were ever going to come home.

He had been unable to sleep at all and had done nothing but lay in bed checking the time for what felt like hours. In truth it was hours. You had been gone for hours and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where you were. He didn’t know if you were safe. You hadn’t taken your phone, just your wallet and house keys. Just those two. Maybe he should get up and check again if you’d taken anything else. Any indication of where you were or might have gone or when you’re coming back and yes, he should probably go and check again.

What was the time? 1:23am.

He needed to know where you had gone. You were smart. You wouldn’t put yourself in danger, would you? You looked so fucking scared of him. Max couldn’t dwell on the look in your eyes for too long or he was sure he was going to get sick, but he couldn’t stop his brain replaying the flinch. Again and again and again and again and noise and flinch and noise and flinch and noise and flinch and now you were gone, and he had no idea where you were and this was all his fault.

He distracted himself by reciting his apology over and over again. In his head and then our loud. Practicing his movements as he lay there, making sure to never raise his hands to high or too quickly. Admonishing himself when he by mistake did.

God, what was the argument even about. He’d lose every single argument from this moment onwards if it meant you never looked at him with fear again and –

That was the front door. Fuck, that was the front door. Relief mixed with shame was an emotion Max had yet to ever experience but my god he was glad he was experiencing the relief part of it right now.

Max was up instantly, making his way towards the lounge where he assumed you were, seeing as he had yet to hear you move any deeper into the house towards him. He got to the door of your bedroom and paused, simultaneously terrified of scaring you further and terrified of what he might find.

Eventually he made he was through the dark house, slowly as to not frighten you, expecting to find you getting ready to make your way to bed but instead he found you, small and enclosed on yourself on the floor in the dark living room.

You sat with your back leaning against the couch, head against your knees as you hugged your legs closer to you, shoulders shuddering every few seconds and Max was confused, but the longer he stood there watching, the more it dawned on him, you were crying.

The sight was so odd to him because as Max wracked his brain for what was happening in front of him, he realised that this was the first time he had ever witnessed you cry and in that moment his heart shattered.

Max took a step closer, hesitant but protective nevertheless, intent on only comforting you now. He must have stepped to hard because in an instant you had shot your head up and were wiping away the tears before turning to look at him. In the moonlight Max could already see a small smile plastered to your face.

“I’m sorry for waking you baby, go back to bed, I promise I’ll be there soon” you immediately began remedying the situation, nervous that any hint at emotion would make him angry.

‘Remember, remove any emotion, then he won’t punish you’ A trick they had taught you to survive.

“You were crying” it’s all Max could say. God was he that socially inept that he couldn’t think of more to say when he just witnessed his girlfriend crying for the first time, ever.

Like, this was weird right? He wasn’t being absurd, how had he never seen you cry before?

“No, no, baby, I’m fine, I promise” you tried your best to reassure him, not wanting to draw any more attention to yourself than you already had.

“I’ve never seen you cry before” why had he never seen you cry before?

“I don’t cry my love” your voice was sickly sweet. You wanted this conversation to be over with. You wanted him to go back to bed.

“That’s not- that’s not healthy” Max made his way over to you, sitting in front of you, placing his hands on your knees, realizing how puffy your eyes, how long, how deeply you had been crying. This wasn’t some fight, this was more, “why?”

“Why what?” there was trepidation in your voice.

“Why don’t you cry?” Max had never tried to be so gentle before in his entire life, but he wanted you to know this was safe, he was safe, you were safe.

You were at a loss for words. Why don’t you cry? You couldn’t exactly tell Max the real reason, but how he sat there, looking at you, begging you to be honest, maybe for the first time ever about this all, maybe you could tell him.

“My dad” you opted to tell the truth, no matter how painful this may be, but if anyone understood, it might be Max, or it might not be and he could leave, but it doesn’t matter anymore, you already started.

“Your dad?” you’d literally avoided any and all conversation about your dad since Max had known you.

“I didn’t exactly have the greatest childhood” you let out a dry chuckled and it made Max’s throat grow dry, he opted to not interrupt, hoping that if he didn’t you’d continue talking, carry on opening up to him about parts of you he had never knew even existed up until now, gently rubbing your knee, letting you know he was here, but you had space.

“I just, he was so” fuck, were you really about to do this. You could already feel your throat closing up, why did you have to be a throat crier?

“God, he was so abusive and I just, I couldn’t do it anymore and as soon as I could I just got them out my life. He always just, I was never good enough, I was always the problem, he just and then he would shout, and I was always so scared. Every time he got home I’d run upstairs to just stay out of his way, everything was always my fault. He was always shouting, and I was just always scared, and my mom always taught me, ‘don’t you dare show emotion, just say you’re right and I’m sorry, and then stay out of his way, it will only make him more mad if you don’t’ and then one day he just, it hurt so much and I just, and then you shouted and raised your hand and hit the wall, and it was just like” a sobbed wracked through your body and suddenly you couldn’t breathe. Gasping through the sobs, tears streaming down your face.

Next minute you felt Max grabbing you and pulling you close to him, instinctively wrapping your arms around him as you buried your face into his neck, sobbing all the while, gripping onto him for dear life and he didn’t reject you, he didn’t scold you, he didn’t blame you, instead he cradled you, held you close, kept you safe and he told you how much he cared, how he was there, how much he loved you.

And most importantly he told how sorry he was. For everything. For your childhood. How he wasn’t able to protect you from your dad then and how he had made you think he would ever do anything remotely similar to the abuse you had experienced before. Especially for how he had made you think that.

After what felt like hours just sitting there and crying and talking and crying some more and him telling you how sorry he is, how he is going to change for you, how safe you were now and about every single therapy session he was going to and you two were going to go to in order to fix this, Max eventually picked you up and carried you to bed.

After getting you changed and tucking you into bed, pulling you close to him and letting you drift off to sleep, he suddenly couldn’t.

His mind was a mixture of relief that you had finally opened up to him and trusted him enough, relief that you felt safe enough to finally cry and anger at what you had experienced, at the abuse you had suffered and most importantly what he had done to you. How he had never seen it, how he had just subjected you to it all over again.

Even as you slept he kept whispering to you, how sorry he was, for everything and how much he loved you and God he promised he was going to change if it was the last thing he did.

Because at the end of it all, he still made you flinch.

[ms-demeanor]

My friend says not to vote in the upcoming election because our liberal establishment is no different from fascism and because Trump's policies are merely an extension of existing policies (like the ICE concentration camps that were established under Obama). How would you, being a leftist like me and my friend, respond to this attitude?

When I was in high school there was one cataclysmic, catastrophic, Very Important school board meeting.

It was a perfect storm of religious freedom, LGBT Rights, and Holy Shit You’re Talking About Taking Daycare Away from Students Who Are Parents.

The first thing, religious freedom, was exceptionally stupid but I think it’s a great example of how shitty the suburb I lived in was and what we were dealing with. Basically the D&D club that I started was accused of being Satanists and the Campus Christian Club was trying to get us shut down for worshipping satan. (I live in the fucking WORST part of LA County, I swear). The defense for the D&D club was pretty simple: If we’re worshipping satan as an on-campus activity at lunchtime we have every right to do so just like the Campus Christian Club an in fact if the Campus Christian Club got us shut down for practicing a different religion they’d made a very effective argument for shutting down their Praising Christ on-campus lunchtime activity.

The second thing was ANOTHER conflict with the Campus Christian Club - this was more serious. This was “High schoolers shouldn’t be exposed to deviant lifestyles and therefore we need to shut down the Gay/Straight Alliance.” At that point the GSA was also very new and I was also the VP of it. Spoilers: we were allowed to continue existing and we had speakers come in from time to time - we had grownups who talked to us about dealing with homophobia and resources for what happened if your parents kicked you out; we had a trans woman in her 50s come and talk to us (in 2003!) about transphobia and dysphoria and how to cope. The adviser handed out a packet to all of us that had the suicide hotline number right at the top, I know at least three people used that number the first year. The defense for the GSA was actually another handy-dandy page out of the ACLU handbook: The Campus Christian Club’s definition of deviance is something they have a right to hold but not to impose on other people - if you ban the GSA based on being ‘deviants’ you are imposing someone else’s belief system on us so knock it off unless you want to be a fun LA Times story.

The third thing didn’t have ANYTHING to do with the Campus Christian Club and was much worse because it had to do with funding and teen moms. The third thing was “The district believes it’s a waste of money to continue to pay for childcare at the district continuation school; if you can’t afford childcare you should have thought of that before becoming a teen mom, good luck getting a babysitter while you’re trying to finish high school.” Four of the students from the continuation school had showed up with their children and their defense of the daycare program was basically (and understandably) “What the fuck you fucking ghouls we just want to finish school and it’s one fucking daycare provider on campus you already have to pay the insurance for childcare providers for other schools in the district what the fucking fuck.”

The D&D Club, GSA, and Childcare for Teen Parents Program were all allowed to continue existing.

By one vote.

By someone who had recently been elected to the school board.

By four votes.

Four people went out and voted that November. Four people filled in a bubble on a ballot.

The GSA did fundraisers to pay for STI testing and suicide prevention. My friend Michelle graduated on time with her daughter waiting in the crowd. Knowing that adult trans people could survive and exist and thrive and love themselves was lifesaving information for a few kids in the GSA.

Four votes. If four people stayed home that’s a hundred fewer STI tests, that’s wondering if Michelle would ever be able to get a job when she didn’t have a diploma and couldn’t hire a babysitter. That’s three dead queer kids and another two homeless.

And it didn’t happen. Because four people filled in a couple of bubbles one night in November.

Voting is not activism but it is by no means useless. If your friend is incapable of distinguishing fascism and liberalism that sounds like a them problem and it sucks to be them; that amount of nihilism is hard to carry around.

People who criticize leftists for “electoral apologism” or whatever for voting are the “yet you participate in society, curious. I am very intelligent” comic

Yeah, the system’s shitty. Yeah, it sucks and should be overthrown. But it’s not overthrown YET so we may as well take advantage of the few areas of harm reduction the system allows. Voting doesn’t mean you STOP doing direct action or that you stop pushing for change, it just means you’re doing the single easiest real-world thing to alleviate suffering. And if it doesn’t work who gives a fuck - you did the bare minimum and it cost you a small amount of time.

Vote and then go hand out food in the park or cut the valve stems off a cop car if you’re feeling angsty about conceding to the system.

(also FUCK, you have no idea how much I hate having to defend the Obama administration but please go talk to a trans person about whether it is easier or harder to get healthcare in their state under Trump or under Obama. I fucking hate liberals but I don’t think that they’re actively interested in overturning Roe V. Wade. Fuck this political purity culture and go learn about harm reduction.)