#as you can see from the tags I am completely sane

[animationismycomfort]

I hate this b-tch so much

the audacity this b-tch has to even be in the eddsworld fandoms presence is ridiculous

I hope he rots away like the half of his face

he is so fucking ugly

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Introductions (2.1.1)

About me:

↪ Leah, she/her/any pronouns

↪ In my early 20s

↪ Reader, writer, sometime animator and artist

↪ Big cannibalism fan. Huge, really ;)

↪ Been doing martial arts for over a decade

↪Fan of CJ Cherryh

↪I reblog stuff from @leahpardo-pa-potato

My writing:

↪ Generally horror, with sides of fantasy

↪Posted in regular chunks of 500-1k words

↪I love tag games, esp OC ones :)

↪I do mini-series, one-shots, and novels

↪I will love you forever if you send me an ask

↪See my full list of one-shots here and my longer pieces below

My art and animation:

↪Masterpost here

↪Mostly blender 3d animations, though I do a bit of drawing too

↪ Don't expect it quite as often as my writing ;)

↪Just interact here to join the taglist!

WIPs / Longer stories

The Unwanted Visitor: (Completed)

Aida's house has been haunted by a spirit for as long as she can remember. Thing is, she's grown used to her Unwanted Visitor (or Vis, as she likes to call him). So when exorcists come after him, she does what any sane person would: protect her brother friend.

↪ Urban fantasy-comedy, very light-hearted

↪A lot of found family and sibling squabbling

↪If you like teens causing chaos, this is for you!

↪Final bit here

A Perfectly Normal Schoolgirl: (Completed)

All Katherine wants is to eat mortal food, bask in the warmth, and be a normal schoolgirl. But when a boy begs her to help him save her parents, she finds herself fighting for her (and his) life once more.

↪Urban fantasy with a side of horror

↪ Basically an inversion of a bunch of tropes

↪My attempt at writing fantasy without mentioning magic by name

↪Full thing here

Convenience Store Vampire: (Completed)

You'd expect vampires to be imposing and terrifying, masters of the night and princes of darkness. But that's not Davie, no siree. He's stuck down by Sunny Mart, working all day to scrape by. The last thing he wants is any trouble. Unfortunately for him, that's exactly what he's getting.

↪Silly urban fantasy shenanigans

↪ What it says on the tin + slice of life

↪Full thing here

A Tale for A Mouse: (Completed)

Who doesn't like to listen to evil old dark lords monologue about their childhood? Take a seat and come hear the story of the Spirit Emperor, as told by the man himself!

↪Cannibalism. Lots of it. World building too :D

↪High fantasy told via monologue

↪I cannot stress how proud I am of this.

↪Full thing here

Fast Food:

An embarrassment to his entire tribe, Hash is lazy and uninterested in anything. So, when he reaches majority, he gets unceremoniously booted out of home. Follow his adventures through Triworld, as he somehow ends up in every single single conflict across the continent.

↪High fantasy with a side of humour

↪Very heavy Lore™ and Worldbuilding™

↪ My excuse to ramble about fictional history

↪Latest bit here :)

A Tale of Love, Death, and Maggots:

Doc's been wandering through hell for a good twenty years, now. He thought he'd seen it all. He thought he'd felt it all. He thought he'd lost it all. But it turns out love just has a way of crawling back into his chest and breaking his heart again.

↪ Tragedy, fantasy?, horror?, Idk it's a weird little thing

↪I hope you like death because this sure has a lot of it

↪Latest bit here and here's a moodboard of it

Lich-Queen (Completed):

Iraela has all but won: the King of Ceredell and his bride are gone, the cities fallen to her army of undead, and the way to the throne cleared for her. But her coronation, and her sanity threaten to fall apart under the weight of duty. Can she hold it together until she truly becomes Lich-Queen?

↪High, dark fantasy with some horror and gore

↪Watch Ira slowly lose her mind in real-time

↪If you like cannibalism, you'll love this

↪Full thing here

The Novel™ (Mind of a Mercenary):

Luna, Terror of Garvenoi, mind-mage extraordinaire, has been caught at last. Whilst everyone celebrates, she is given an ultimatum: Be an indentured hunter for the government, or die. But when she signs on with them, she finds that perhaps death might have been a better choice...

↪ Urban Fantasy set in a Non-Earth world

↪Starring a sassy, mean-girl villain protagonist

↪Enjoy several hundred pages of Luna trying and failing to run from her duties

↪Find snippets here (find the others on my masterlist of writing)

Finally, my taglist! If you interacted with this post/already asked me to add you, and you don't see yourself here, please remind me! I may have accidentally missed you :')

Oh pls kill me I felt so silly doing this- Anyways bye guys hope to see y'all around don't judge me for this

[atzfilm]

— ch_i san (m) preview

— pairing; android!san × reader

— genre; sci-fi, fluff, angst, smut

— summary; it's 2135, one hundred years after the rise of the Anarchist, a revolutionist group that tore the world in half. the creation of their andr_ids forced the poorer population to abide by the Anarchist rules or face death. you, a lowly machinery worker, leave work to find a defective model, ch_i san. you're forced to make the decision of helping the andr_id model, or reporting it to the leading faction. of course you make the only sane choice – follow a robot into complete and utter peril.

– note; very loosely inspired by the korean film jung_e! everyone should watch its amazing ♡

— excerpt;

The android’s face is completely covered in soot – synthetic hair sticking in every which way, half of it ripped from it’s metal skull. It seems to breathe, air escaping its artificial crafted lips, hands digging into the dirt just outside of your facility. You turn around to look and see if anyone is there, but it’s mostly empty. Only a few minutes left until the next shift comes in and sees what you’re seeing. You reach for the emergency crowbar sitting against the outer door, palms moist as you stare down at it. Its build is wide, the curvature of its muscles strenuous as it slowly stands. Though you’ve seen the face everywhere, bulletin boards stapled with posters of the new model, it’s alarming to see it in person. The slight dents carved into dimples on its cheek, the sharp but full brows, the set of lips eerily similar to his. Your chest tightens as it meets your eyes, irises adjusting, the sound of the calibration loud in the silence. It reaches out to you but you only step back, grip on the bar loosening slightly at its gaze. It’s not him. It’ll never be him, no matter how similar it looks.

It stumbles as it moves forward, staring down at its shoes caught in the dirt patch. You should be dialing the emergency line, but you’ve heard of what happens to people who witness a malfunctioning android. Why did it have to be you?

“Help,” it gasps, tugging harshly on its foot caught beneath the debris. You do not move, more out of shock than fear. How could it sound just like him as well? “Help,” it repeats, head shifting to meet your eyes.

“Go away,” you say, lips trembling. “Shut down, recalibrate so they can take you back to the factory. That is an order.”

Its eyes shift. “I am no longer taking orders from humans.”

Hell. Your grip tightens, taking slow steps back. "Erase your data of me, please. I can't be caught with you," You glance back. "Please."

"I need your assistance."

"Ask someone else, droid," you take another step back, only for it to move forward. You barely have five minutes until the next shift arrives. "Not me."

"I know you."

You scoff, "That's ridiculous–"

"The memory," It presses its hand against the head, gripping it tightly. "They didn't remove the memory when I was assembled. I know who you are, y/n."

"You know nothing." You're sure it can hear how your heart rattles against your chest cavity. Memory? These things being created still had his memory? They told San it wouldn't. They made him sign a contractual agreement and it explicitly notes that fact. It's the only reason why you let him go through with it. Why you're stuck seeing his face despite him being dead.

"You were his lover–"

"Fuck. You."

posted!

please send an ask if you'd like to be tagged~

[aluria-sevhex]

the power of friendship didn't work :(

[Hi, stardust! If you wanna read all of her posts as she plays through ISAT, they can all be accessed in this masterpost and are all tagged as #Aluria plays ISAT for the first time (please don't spoil)

This particular post starts in the middle of a play session and conversation directly following the last one, so it might be a good idea to have read that one first!]

notes:

-hm? the stars? yeah what *is* Sif's deal with them. so help me if the kid is right and they came from the sky-

-""how do you deal with it?" (you don't.)"

-hehe Sif is thinking of a loophole

-D: i messed up with Bonnie

-guess i'll talk to Loop

-Bonnie's favorites are rice and pineapples... and the third thing isn't palmiers... so the third thing has to be the samosas

-oh my god. Sif asked if Loop is jealous of his allies, and Loop was like "like what? like i'm your partner waiting for you to come home and then when you do all you can do is talk about hoe much fun you had with your friends?"

BUDDY. YOU'RE TELLING ON YOURSELF.

-"forget i said that. it was an awful metaphor." mmhmm. hmmmmmmmm

-oh? if they're not jealous of the party... are they jealous of Sif?

-gonna loop to help Bonnie

-huh. if i zone out the skill won't be as useful. i won't then

-"Isabeau looks nicer, you think" hehe

-:o the second time, Siffrin thinks the belief should change

-"but changing the script is scary" oof

-gonna have to find a craftonomy book

-"also, why am i thinking about candles right now?" strange. oh yeah it *was* in one of the dorm rooms

-i accidentally zoned out for Odile's thing this time ;_;

-FUCK I DON'T KNOW THE TYPE OF SAMOSAS.

WAIT. BONNIES PROFILE.

"Weak to: Cheese

Resists: Veggies"

...FUCK I MESSED UP

-talking to Isa. "you will always make the joke. you have to keep some sort of routine to stay sane, and if always making the joke is how, so be it." funny but also D:

-??? Sif and Loop just had a thing about how quiet Sif is...

-time to loop forward to see what the samosas' deal is

-looped to Floor 3. gonna find a craftonomy book

-HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE POWER OF CRAFT BREAK A

-oh THAT'S where a chain for the pendant is!!!

-hm. apparently Body Craft is illegal in Ka Bue, but if you know where to look...

-in the bathroom again. eavesdropping.

-"in some countries we would be expected to talk about the men in our lives and nothing else. would you like to do that" "we've only got the one man, madame, and ew" LOL

-oh my god. they're talking about Isabeau confessing.

-love how Odile and Bonnie have figured out that Isa has a crush on Siffrin but Sif and Mira are oblivious. truly an aspec mood

-WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT WHY DID A SIFFRIN SPRITE APPEAR I JUST GOT A FUCKING ACHIEVEMENT FOR IT HUH???

-oh did i completely misinterpret that part of Bonnie's profile

-looping back

-time to help everybody again

-"(say the line, Siffrin)"

-"coming to a country she has no ties to, but wanting to create those ties herself. it feels almost revolutionary."

"you're jealous." oh?

-...what if Siffrin is from the country that disappeared. it makes sense with all the weird shit, and would also explain why they don't remember much of it

-time to help Bonnie!

-also i am once again wondering what the deal is with Siffrin and stars. 'stars' is in the game's title and they clearly have some sort of importance... fuck it speculation time. what if Loop and Siffrin are both from the same place (possibly the disappearing country) that had a lot of ties to the star or the sky or something, and Loop was in a time loop or something st some point for some reason, maybe to fulfill a purpose, failed, and is now trying to help Siffrin with whatever the purpose of Siffrin's time loop is

-anyway. Bonnie time!

-:0 Bonnie wants me to teach them how to fight

-awwwwwwww this is so fucking precious

-Sif. did you seriously fucking forget thst you don't like being touched? or are you that oblivious.

-...OH. awwww :( they do like it but he's not used to it...

-:0 BONNIE'S SISTER NAME REVEALED (Nille/Pétronille)

-oh wow Nille is just like me fr fr (i don't like being unexpected touched, and there's been times where it ended in me screaming too)

i am not able to suplex people tho lol

-feel like Siffrin's memory issues are either magic bullshit or. trauma? or. magic bullshit AND trauma? idk but this bitch is not mentally healthy

-lol??? Bonnie poked Sif XD

-LMAO SIF FUCKING TRIPPED- wait. whh does that have ominous audio

-OH? Sif lost their eye protecting Bonnie?

-i don't think Bonnie's apparent guilt is JUST about Siffrin, it's gotta be at least a little about Nille

-AWWWWWWWW BONNIE HUGGED SIFFRIN

-time to help Isabeau!

-hold on gonna talk to Loop first

-lol Sif asked if Loop and the King are friends

-ok. listen Siffrin. what the FUCK do you mean by "it's complicated" how does one have a complicated relationship with the fucking stars???

-ok NOW i'm helping Isa

-...oh my god. Isabeau's name. is a pun. (－‸ლ)

-:0 they're staring at the sky together

-hmmmm why do you wanna change the subject, Sif?

-also it's so sweet that Isabeau noticed the little things :]

-shy nerd Isa does not compute

-PLEASE ISA CONFESS ALREADY THIS IS PAINFUL

-Aaaajdjkaskdljdjdjejfjghtjgjgjgjfn

-ToT THE TIMELINE IS *DETERMINED* TO MAKE SURE THAT ISA NEVER FUCKING CONFESSES

-hehe Bonnie, Odile, and Mirabelle arrived

-gonna go thru the entire House in one loop >:)

-"You have ENOUGH of all those STUPID SADNESSES standing in your BLINDING WAY." Sif is getting SICK of the loops.

-...uh-oh. everybody's scared? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT LOOP(?)

-kinda like when Bonnie was shown to have been listening in and it culminated in them saying they hate Siffrin over and over before things rewound slightly

-"don't kill it in one strike, or they'll notice"

-...i can make it so Sadnesses run... shouldn't i buff my friends' levels tho? so they have all their skills.

-I GOT THE SHARPENING STONE

-fuck. Sif almost forgot to stop Isabeau from running into the Tears

-Sif is now thinking about the difference between Tears and being frozen in battle and nearly panicking. i think this game should be renamed Anxiety Simulator 2023

-if i had a nickel for every RPG i liked where the main character is depicted in monochrome and has severe mental health issues and is in some sort of cycle, i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

-Frin once again said nya and is sick of it

-Siffrin's accumulated stats + the stat boosts from the hangout memories make the group *terrifyingly efficient*. i made it so the Sadnesses are scared of me but i hunt them down anyway just to get those levels for the skills. i am attaining godlike power by the standards of this place and it is horrifying

-every time i get a notification that Siffrin's leveled up i get kinda scared...

-CRAFTONOMY BOOK FOUND! TIME CRAFT CRASH COURSE!

-O_O CRAFTING TIME WAS HYPOTHESIZED TO REQUIRE KILLING THE USER

-tbf Sif's time loop abilities do have weird limits... like absorbing the memories of battles to go forward...

-time to call Loop!

-dang. that was not as helpful.

-hey i found the hand-drawn tarot deck and got a 2 of Swords this time

-Floor 1 boss time

-snack time!

-picking the onigiri this time

-going to log off for the night

-back

-obligatory title screen music appreciation :D

-hehe talked to Bonnie after the snack time

-"which one am I?" "you're my cousin who i see once a year and we have a really really good time!"

-:0 one of the papers in Euphrasie's office is a love letter from Claude

-hm. a spreadsheet with two columns: "Save Vaugarde" and "Other"... the first one has a lot of names, the second doesn't

-:0 the person didn't give their partner the earring yet

-"(You're not sure how many deities you worship.)"

-uh-oh. i think Odile thinks it's sus that i knew about the familytale

-the book on shields "smells weird"

-I THINK ODILE THINKS IT'S SUS THAT I KNEW THE CARROT METHOD

-"you pick up the key, and do not think about how bad you are at your job"

-ohhhhhhhh wait does Odile have two names because she's half-Vaugardian? either that or. a gender thing?

-hehe Bonnie is saying it's stupid to talk about what'll happen if we lose

-awwww everybody promised that we'd protect each other

-"the taste is familiar to you, somehow" yeah cuz i ate fish heads on a previous loop

-"Sif is MY Siffrin nickname, Mira." lol

-ok Odile definitely thinks i'm sus

-...SOME. CRAFTS HAVE A DISTINCT SMELL. I KNEW IT. SUGAR. TIME CRAFT IS SUGAR

-YEAHHHHHHHH TIME TO UNITE THE PENDANT AND CHAIN

-oh :< doesn't work

-oh fuck Sif u ok?

"(Nothing ever goes right in your life.)" (and the text is shaky :( )

-hehehe note earring

-hm. the pottery class has issue 87

-bathroom break!

-Sif feels... happy?

-"even though you're not friends, you're just allies" idk you guys seem like friends to me

-uh. Sif is calling themself stupid again.

-that weird ghost Sif again...

-i am definitely not the only person to compare the paper Tristesse to SOMETHING. but i'm doing it anyway

-hehe level 69 nice

-...did i need to sharpen the Keyknife before opening the door?

-hm where's the last of the bomb components located? the gizmo-gadget is in the room and the secret ingredient is in Claude's hand... but what about the thingy-thing?

-YES SIF YOU ARE ALL FRIENDS

-FOUND FAMILY MY BELOVED

-SNACK TIME

-malanga fritters :D

-"in this moment, you are loved"

-:o Mira is brushing Sif's hair

-hehehe Sif wants Isa to be emotionally vulnerable first

-the King fight music slaps

-no it was not always this easy to fight him

-...who helped the King harness Time Craft

-the universe? ...wishing on a star...?

-Isa can't remember... hm...

-why don't they know what the universe is???

-Mira saw an article that said the King is from elsewhere. maybe he's from the disappearing island? or wherever Sif is from. altho those two places might be the same

-THE TALLNESS. JUST HAPPENED???

-what can he see?

-how is freezing Vaugarde the universe's will?

-...what if. what if the only way to break the time loop is to let the King win. just let him freeze everything and leave Vaugarde.

-"you know it's just a way to make you stop fighting, but..."

-i have once again killed the King

-..."I can never go back home." T_T

-i don't think friendship will fix the loops. currently talking to everybody

-GOD FUCKING DAMMIT ISA WHEN WILL YOU CONFESS LMAO

-*sighs* time to talk to Euphrasie

-I KNEW IT. IT'S THE SAME. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

-Siffrin calling himself stupid counter just went up :(

-and again...

-...Odile?

-Siffrin's friends are noticing that something's wrong

-...and. i looped again.

-TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THE TIME LOOP

-i think Sif called themself stupid again... and again

-:0 memory of Family... a way they could catch up?

-:( Siffrin wants Isa to touch him. but it'll never happen.

-talking to Loop

-aw. when asking Loop how to help everyone and then selecting who to help, Siffrin refers to them as family members now :]

-OK I CAN ASK LOOP ABOUT THE WEIRD SIFFRIN SPRITE

-RE: Isabeau trying to confess and Siffrin being oblivious, Loop is probably thinking "wow! this motherfucker is so dense!"

-logging off for now

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

UPDATE

Heyyyy my sunshines!!!

I hope you guys liked the Pt3 I put out for the Maknaeline Clinginess Angst!! If you haven't read it yet check it out ;)!!! I JUST updated my Masterlist post-You'll notice there are a lot more things added onto it that I have not released yet. To keep myself more organized with requests and manage my posting more efficiently (my schedule still won't be completely set because unfortunately I'm a mood writer regardless of whether or not I have time 🥲🥲🥲) - I've decided I will start posting my TBR's. Meaning you guys will be able to see what I will be releasing - which will help me manage tags better as well. And will help those of you who like my page; who are not on my permanent taglist and want to know when I post. IF you would like to be tagged message me WHICH post you would like to be tagged on and I will be tagging the first 10 tag requests + those who are on my permanent taglist as of today- June 28th, 2024. FOR REQUESTS I will tag the person who requested the fic. The one catch is I can only really tag if you don't request anonymously. I am a judgement free zone and I want you guys to all feel safe and comfortable on my page and with me as both author and friend. So if you do have a request and you want to be tagged with your request feel free to request freely. I will NO LONGER be sharing the FIC requests via POST rather I will note the title and genre of the fic in the masterlist to - - A. Keep you anonymous EVEN IF you decide to not remain anonymous when you send the message -B. Declutter my page by minimizing posts Me not sharing requests does NOT mean I won't share any of the messages you guys send. A lot of you send me encouragement and compliments via my inbox so I will occasionally share those messages since they make me smile :) Despite me not sharing request answers and just putting them straight on the master list you can STILL choose to be anonymous when requesting. I just want to make sure you all know that you don't have to feel afraid of me judging a request or anything of that nature if you DO decide you would like me to know your user so you are automatically put on the tag list for that fic before the 10 spots are filled. It will be first come first serve for all of them so I do apologize if you don't make it onto the taglist for that fic, but I trust you'll find it at some point after its release. My masterlist post will be updated EVERY SUNDAY; so you guys can start the week with knowing what's up 🙌🙌🙌! Okay sorry for that long informational rant but here's another shorter one.

I will be dropping an Enhypen masterlist. The same rules stated above go for the Enhypen list once it is up and running. But since it isn't I will be taking 2 requests for each member and 1 request for OT7. Again- it is first come first serve so I'm sorry if I don't get to your request 😓😓😓 I WILL BE TAKING REQUESTS UNTIL JULY 2nd (sorry for the short notice 😓) FOR ENHA. Once the Enha masterlist is up and running - which will be by July 3rd my pinned post will be

THE MASTERLIST MASTERLIST (read this is Lord Garmadon's or President Business's voice idk why but it just sounds right) - this will be the masterlist to all my masterlists - which will soon be expanded out into different kpop/misc fandoms/ misc works in the future (ig; TXT, BND, ZB1, ATEEZ, potentially some anime fandoms, snippets from novels I have started to write).

BUT ANYWAYS AS ALWAYS-

Stay SAFE. Stay SANE. And most importantly-

Stay SLAYING. 💅 Love you all ☀️☀️☀️

[janumun]

Right????? The blood stains on his jaw, the way his eyes glow red, how it says demon in the trailer, that s m i r k, that freaking v o i c e; the way he holds himself! J-Just the way he himself looks like he could wrap his hands around your neck; lift you from floor and yet still make you say thank you! I can't! I can't. x/////x I'm dying. I have never felt this attacked before! D-Don't freaking remind me of that shot! D///////x I'm already dying enough as it is!! I can't stop staring it why the hell is he so pretty???? Like no hell not even ' pretty! ' I don't say this often or at all but this man is majestic! Good, merciful fudge his v o i c e. Oh trust me I can completely understand that- I'm still not over that little trick that Zayne does with the ice; first with the cat and then the seal it's so freaking adorable- and I have just fought the Wanderer's with Rafayel for the first time; I'm only in chapter 3 currently but... I will be a thousand percent real with you I am finding it hard to concentrate much less simp over Xavier, Zayne or Rafayel when Sylus is presently living rent free in my head. x/////x A-Also... I... I can't believe I'm going to say this but... I-If.... This man wrecked something of mine ...b-bed, back or otherwise..I... c-can't say that I'd mind.. >////> Shoot me. I'm garbage. I can't. x/////x I don't think I've ever reacted this strongly about anyone before. ...... x/////x I feel like I was more or less drawn in to a bottomless abyss by Sylus. I am not going to think about panting, melting men for my own sanity. >////> B-But thank you. I am enjoying it so far; honestly more then I thought that I would. x///////x I feel like I would have to take you up on that offer regardless of whether or not I was feeling embarrassed to or not for the sake of my own sanity; so I appreciate it. I-I swear I am totally normal about this...Man... Demon... Whatever he is, hell maybe he's even a god with how his body looks like it was sculpted from them I have no freaking idea. I swear I am totally normal and sane about him. Yes. Absolutely. x////x T-Though.. That being said... ......... If you would ever consider writing about him then I would be begging down on my hands and knee's and would even offer up my kidney and possibly all my material and earthly possessions very.. extremely, e-eternally grateful. >////> Also if you tagged me in any... All. ...Please. [ You see nothing! D//////x ]

I am (s)creaming with you Juno! 😂😂😂♥️ You’ve described the feelings I’ve been unable to put into words (past BARK ARGH WOOF 😆) perfectly for this man. He is a beautiful man and I think the silver hair/red eyed combo was a devastating match on top of his personality and that sin-dripping voice 🌊

Show me what those fingers can do Sylus

Don’t be normal about him, be as crazy as you like with the rest of us, I don’t think Sylus would want you holding yourself back either, if you are to do some serious bed breaking together 🥴❤️

You will absolutely be hearing from me on the Sylus writing front (and on the evening news when I pull down Sylus’ pants and show Linkon an incident to rival the Chronorift Catastrophe *record scratch*) because there is no way I can keep my grabby hands all to myself! I need to get this man down and very filthy 😆🥴❤️

[jasntodds]

Caving In [8]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 8,818

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, fluff, mentions of beating someone up (from the previous chapter), mentions of injuries, mentions of previous gaslightling (Gar),  I think that’s it actually??

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: Did I think Wednesday last week was Monday? Yes. And that’s why this is a week late because I didn't realize what it day it was until Thursday afternoon and didn’t have time to edit lol Season 2 Episode 2 starts with the next chapter, finally!! I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 You can add yourself the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary​​ and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

The next morning rolls around and you groan, stirring awake. A warm body is laying next to you and your eyes shoot open, suddenly very aware of the night before. Gong to Jerry’s, almost killing him with your bare hands, finding the boy in the basement, Dick’s disappointment, and Jason reading to you. It almost doesn’t feel real, not until you notice the ache in your hands, looking at them to see the bloody gauze. The night before was real and guilt hugs your bones like a force.

You never wanted to be violent. You never wanted to be an angry or vengeful person. You were never the kind of person to even punch a wall when you got mad. You weren’t even the type that got mad about much. It was always so easy to brush things off and make a joke, make everything okay just like that. But, trauma creates these cracks in the foundation of a person. It puts cracks in every aspect of what made them them, creating the perfect faults to crumble them, and destroy who they were before. Trauma takes the jackhammer and pounds endless flashbacks and nightmares into that foundation until the person is a pile of dust. And you hate Jerry for it. And the Joker. And yourself.

You hate yourself the most because you didn’t put up much fight to preserve the person you were before. You caved right into the haunting ghost in the back of your head as it’s dancing on your own grave. And you hate yourself for being violent last night when you never needed to be. But then you look to your right and Jason is asleep, peacefully beside you with the book open on his chest.

You’re almost completely certain Jason would bite you if you called him soft. But, that’s how he seems right now and you wonder how he deals with it. Sure, he’s not completely sane or normal, probably because of the trauma he’s been through. But, you wonder if it’s just the books or if there’s more to it because you’re sure you haven’t looked peaceful in two years. How does he do it? How does he handle the ghost chewing at the back of his head? Maybe being Robin helps. He gets to be Robin, be violent with a reason, be a rebel with a cause. But, maybe there’s more to it. Maybe that’s how he can sleep at night with ease and maybe that’s why, despite his overall detached cold attitude, he’s still caring in his own way.

Jason Todd makes you think you don’t have to hate yourself for last night because grief comes in waves and trauma makes scars. It takes time. It takes care to make things better. It takes time and care and a support system to heal from those traumas and the grief. It’s finding a tourniquet to put on your bleeding heart until it becomes bearable. Jason’s clearly found his and now you just have to do the same and you don’t have to hate yourself for it.

But, you’re pulled from your thought as a loud and obnoxious banging starts on Jason’s door. You roll your eyes while Jason stirs awake just in time to hear Dick on the other side of the door.

“Get in the kitchen.” Dick sounds annoyed as he bangs on the door one last time before he heads down the hallway.

Jason groans, putting his hands over his face, as if to be unaware of you still in his room. He shakes his head, rubbing his hands down his face and finally looks to his left. Jason shakes his head once more, remembering you falling asleep by the time he got to chapter three. He didn’t want to wake you just to move into your room and he definitely wasn’t going to give up his own bed. But, just waking up, he did momentarily forget about that and forget about telling you some of his secrets. Suddenly, he’s very aware of exposed he’s made himself.

“He sounds mad.” Your voice is quiet as you keep your eyes on the wall in front of you, trying to read the graffiti on the wall.

“Yeah,” Jason’s voice is flat and raspy, filled of sleep.

You look to him and you’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t skip a beat at the sight of him. “Well,” You clear your throat as you sit up, choosing to keep your head straight. “Thanks for last night.”

“Don’t mention it.” Jason sits up with you.

He doesn’t know what to do with this. Jason hasn’t done this before. The whole reading to someone thing, sleeping with someone without actually sleeping with them, waking up with someone in general. It’s not even like he actually has all that much experience with any of it anyway, but this with you is entirely uncharted. He’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do or say or how he’s supposed to act. You’re friends, of course, but is he supposed to do something else about it? The whole thing is confusing and makes his head hurt.

“We should probably get out there before he has an aneurysm or something.” You scoff, looking back at Jason with a tired smile.

You don’t really know what to do either. At least falling asleep with Gar makes sense. You’re just messing with Jason when you flirt with him. You do, definitely like him, but you like Gar, too. And Gar is nicer than Jason is, usually. Gar is a soft person and offers this oddly familiar sense of comfort that Jason doesn’t. Falling asleep with Jason feels very…awkward like you need to be doing some type of walk of shame for something that never happened. But, you’re almost entirely sure it only feels awkward with him because it’s him. Gar is always comforting so falling asleep with him would just make sense, it’s easy. If you walked in on Rachel asleep with Gar, it would make sense because Gar is just a comforting person. But, Jason, it’s as if it’s awkward because there should be a reason bigger than this. It’s like you shouldn’t be sleeping together unless either of you have some ulterior motive, whether it’s to get together or do something more and maybe that’s why it feels awkward to you. Because you almost kissed him and there should have been this other reason but there wasn’t and now you have to navigate the day about it.

“Yeah, probably.” Jason huffs as you scoot down his bed and stand up.

Your whole body is sore. You didn’t actually realize how much you used all of your muscles to fight Jerry last night. Everything, at some point, went numb but right now, you’re definitely paying for it. Your legs, back, arms, hands, everything aches. Maybe, you weren’t actually ready to fight because you thought after a few weeks of training, you wouldn’t be sore. But now you’re standing here in pain.

“You good?” Jason asks, putting his feet on the floor on his side of the bed, catching the wince on your face.

“Sore.” You answer, walking carefully to the door and you hear Jason laugh from behind you. You turn to look at him, narrowing your eyes at him. “Oh, shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Jason defends through a tired chuckle.

“Ya laughed.” You retort.

“It’s kind of funny.” Jason chuckles, getting up from his spot and stretching, you noticing his shirt riding up a little with the action. Nice. “How’re your hands?” He asks, walking over to you.

“Also sore.” You look down to your hands, opening and closing your fists.

“It’ll fade in a day or two.” Jason assures you.

“That’d be nice.” You clear your throat as you reach for the door. “Good?” You ask and Jason nod.

The two of you head to the kitchen, Jason following you. When you reach the kitchen, Gar and Rachel are already there finishing up their breakfast while Dick is standing behind the counter. The two of you get looks from the other three. Rachel looks confused and almost a little disgusted, it’s as if she knows something neither of you are aware of. Gar looks sad, maybe a little heartbroken. That’s the thing about Gar that you also really like, he wears his feelings on his sleeve. He either doesn’t try to hide how he feels or he’s really bad at it. But, that makes Jason and you all the more confused. Clearly, you’ve missed something.

You take a seat next to Gar and Jason a seat next to you. Gar and Rachel haven’t looked away from Jason and you the whole time. Gar doesn’t actually know anything. The only thing he knows is Dick looked pissed when he woke up this morning and Dick said he wanted to have some type of meeting because of something you and Jason did. That’s all Dick would say about it and now with you and Jason walking in together, clearly having been in the same room since your door was open when Gar got up. It looks very fucking weird.

“Why is everyone looking at us?” You break the silence while Dick leans against the sink, crossing his arms.

“I called a meeting because of the two of you.” Dick explains but now he doesn’t sound so mad, he just sounds….tired.

“What did you guys do?” Rachel’s voice is accusatory. “You guys didn’t get caught like….doing one of those things Dick said not to do.” Rachel accuses, completely jumping to conclusions with the two of you walking in together and you lean over the counter to look past Gar with a confused expression. “In public.”

“Oh, gross.” You recoil back into your seat. “No! I would have more class than that!” You defend, annoyed about the conclusion she jumped to over one night. “We went to Jerry’s and I almost beat him to death.”

Dick holds the bridge of his nose and he would have liked a calmer discussion about it. But, sure, that works and somehow, completely fits right in with every other conversation that happens in his tower. What did he really expect?

“You what?!” Gar and Rachel both yell, leaning over to look at you and Jason.

“It was pretty badass.” Jason smirks with a huff.

Dick lets out an exasperated sigh. “No, it wasn’t. It was stupid.” Dick says, giving Jason a disapproving look.

“Yeah, that’s a thing that happened last night.” You sigh, leaning back and pulling your sleeves over your hands, Gar getting a glimpse at the bandages.

He’s a little pissed off. First of all, it was stupid. You could have gotten hurt or taken again. He could have killed you and Jason if he had some type of power you didn’t know about. You also could have gotten caught by someone else. It was stupid. But, he’s also kind of upset that you took Jason. Gar definitely would have tried to talk you out of it, but he would have gone with you had he not been able to. But, you took Jason. Why Jason?

“Kind of offensive as fuck that you’d think we....what went at it in the living room?” You huff because you aren’t just gonna let that go and it’s better than talking about last night. “Because I slept in his room?”

“What else would you have been doing?” Rachel tries to hold her stance. She knows she’s wrong but she’s also too proud to say that.

“Having a conversation, watching a movie. Literally, anything but that?” You fire back and why is it an issue when it’s Jason but not Gar?

“Think she’s just jealous, Y/n.” Jason chimes in, looking down the counter at Rachel who grimaces. “Gar and me, giving you attention, gotta get to her eventually, right?” Jason isn’t gonna let you take all the heat from Rachel. You have to deal with Dick and you’ll have to talk with Gar. Jason can shut Rachel up real quick.

“Fuck you, Jason!” Rachel yells. “I--”

“Okay, enough.” Dick cuts Rachel off, tired of the back and forth that he knows you decided to pick at it to deflect the conversation. Dick’s face is displeased as he looks to you. He is still a bit upset about last night. “So, because of last night’s events and that time the two of you,” Dick looks to Gar and Rachel, you and Jason wondering what the hell that’s about. “Snuck off behind my back, I have a new rule.”

“Here we go.” Jason scoffs, resting his head on his fist.

“Curfew for all of you is ten and there’ll be a lockdown. I’ll be the only one with a code to unlock the tower to come and go after ten.”

“Nice, guys.” Rachel quips. Yours and Jason’s fuses running shorter than usual with her this morning. What is her issue?

“Fuck you, Rachel. You didn’t fucking go anywhere anyway.” Jason huffs, looking down the counter at her. “He said it was your fault, too.”

“That’s not the point.” Rachel snips. “We didn’t almost kill anyone.”

“Well, actually, I did….kill someone.” Gar interjects. The argument starting to drive him insane. “We did get us, Dick, and Kory kidnapped and then I killed someone and then Dick killed people and then Kory killed people.” Gar explains with a slight grimace.

You look to Gar shocked. He never gave a vibe capable of murder, maybe it was the tiger. You’re not sure but you’re definitely curious about it. But, then you look to Dick, wondering why it was such a big deal last night. At least you didn’t kill anyone.

“We’re not arguing about it. I’m just letting you guys know. You can’t go off behind my back whenever you want. We have to have rules.”

“You our dad now or something, Dick?” Jason quips.

“No.” Dick shakes his head. “But I am in charge.”

“Yeah? How’s that working out?” Jason snips.

“That all?” You cut between the argument that is sure to escalate. It’s simply too fucking early for this shit.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Dick says.

“Cool, can I…go back to bed now? I’m tired.”

“You should--”

“Should have thought about that before I snuck out at two in the morning and didn’t go home until like four. Yeah, got it, I’ll try harder.” You cut him off before hopping off of your seat and leaving without another word.

“Is she okay?” Gar asks, looking to Jason.

Jason shrugs. “She’s probably just tired, man.” Jason watches you, keeping his eyes off of Gar until you’re out of view.

Jason’s stare did not go unnoticed by Gar or Rachel. It’s one thing for you to walk out together after last night and they both kind of thought maybe the flirting was just that. Jason flirts with everyone and you don’t seem to entertain the idea of Jason seriously but now, Gar and Rachel think there might be more there. Maybe not for you, but for Jason. Gar is almost certain of it, at least.

“Where are you going?” Dick asks as Jason hops down from his seat and starts walking towards the hallway.

“Shower, got a problem with that, too, now?” Jason quips back and finishes walking off before Dick could say anything else.

Gar takes Jason’s word for it and he figures someone should go check on you. Gar figures last night was probably a lot for you and maybe you’ll want to talk some of it through or just want some company to keep your mind off of it. At the end of the day, Gar cares about you and you’re friends. Dick isn’t going to check on you and Rachel clearly isn’t in the mood to be friendly with you. Jason is Jason so, Gar wants to do what he does best. Make sure you’re okay.

Gar sucks in a breath and he starts moving to get off his seat but Rachel’s hand on his shoulder stops him. “Let him do it.” Rachel says softly.

“What?” Gar raises a brow at her.

“He’s not going to shower.” Rachel rolls her eyes. “He’s just too Jason to say he’s checking on y/n. Let him do it. She’s not your problem.”

“That’s not…” Gar shakes his head and he can’t figure out what Rachel's sudden issue is. To his knowledge, Rachel and you are on good terms but the way she worded that, he’s thinking maybe not. “Did something happen between you two?”

“No.” Rachel shakes her head. “But, she went off with Jason for a reason. If they wanna do whatever it is, let them.”

“I don’t think they’re doing anything, Rachel.” Gar defends and that aspect is none of their business anyway. Gar is positive that Jason would have something to say if something more were going on or he would have flirty right in front of them right now. It is Jason.

“She slept in his room.” Rachel rolls her eyes. “They flirt all the time, seems like something’s going on and maybe they sealed the deal last night.”

Dick groans from in front of them. “Do you have to have this conversation right now?”

“She sleeps in my room.” Gar shrugs his shoulders, facing away from Rachel.

“Okay.” Dick lets out a sigh. “She’s your friend.” Dick looks to Rachel. “You are Jason’s friend,” Dick looks to Gar. “If there’s something, they’ll tell you both.”

“Because Y/n is so forthcoming.”

“She is with me.” Gar quips, his own patience starting to run thin. “Maybe she thinks you judge her too much.”

“And Jason doesn’t?” Rachel chortles. “Jason is one of the most judgmental people I have ever met.”

“Didn’t you have a crush on him in Chicago?” Gar snaps back and he’s sick of her talking poorly about his friend. Sure, Jason is a lot but they live together and they’re on the same team. Jason only ever even stars shit with her when it’s training. Outside of training, Rachel is usually the one to throw the first jab. “Maybe Jason’s right, maybe you’re just jealous or worried or something.”

Rachel is not jealous. It’s almost laughable because her two-second crush on Jason was just that. He’s charming and nice to look at but then a lot of things spiraled and Jason hasn’t exactly been nice to her since. But, she’s worried that if Jason and you are together and something happens, it’ll make you want to leave. You don’t seem the type to stay when things get a little rough or when you’ve been hurt. Rachel likes having you around, even if you defends Jason a little too much. She just doesn’t want to lose a friend, even when you fight.

“Shut up, Gar!” Rachel yells, cheeks flushing and Dick hates his life right about now.

“Look, last night was a lot for Y/n. Maybe Jason is the right person to check on her since he was there. Neither of you were. So, finish eating and get ready for the day.” Dick cuts the conversation tired of the back and forth and Gar and Rachel do as told, figuring it’s best not to push more Dick’s buttons today.

You’re laying on your bed, your stare at the ceiling while your feet are planted on the floor. You’re just not in the mood for it today. Every action has consequences and you do not want to deal with yours. You don't even know where you would start because so much happened between Jerry and the boy and then Jason and Dick. There's so much to unpack and you know you'll have to do it but you do not want to do that today or listen to anyone yell at you about it.

There’s a knock on your door and before you can even tell them to go away, the door opens. You sit up just enough, expecting to see Gar but it’s Jason. You almost do a double take. He just invites himself in now? And somehow, you’re not even bothered by it.

“Sup?” He asks and he has that grin that makes you want to jump out of your skin.

“Sup?” You echo, going back to your position.

Jason closes the door and walks over to the bed, looking down at you. “What’re you doing?” There's a hint of a chuckle in his voice.

“Laying down.” You keep your eyes at the ceiling.

Jason sighs and matches your position, laying down beside you and staring up at the ceiling. You look over at him with a raised brow. “You good?” He asks.

You look back to the ceiling. "What the fuck is Rachel's problem?"

Jason lets out a huff. "What isn't her fucking problem?"

"No, I mean, there's obviously something. She like...really hates you, what is up with that? You're really not that bad."

"Not that bad." Jason echoes.

"I'm not gonna stroke your ego right now, I did that enough last night." You retort with a laugh.

Jason laughs beside you, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. "Dunno." Jason answers. "Everything was fine until her dad possessed me and made me almost kill my best friend." Jason gains a snark to his voice. You want to unpack that trauma instead of your own.

You look over at him with a raised brow. "Yeah, Gar mentioned that." You suck in a breath. "Seems you have more reason to hate her than she does you."

"Well, I'm just..." Jason stops himself, you watching him carefully. He glances at you for just a second and he's not gonna finish that thought. He knows how people view him and if he says it out loud, maybe you’ll start to view him like that, too. Unlikeable, unworthy, not good enough, unlovable. "You're deflecting." Jason matches your stare and something about you being so close makes the both of you feel warm again. Neither of you realized you had even been cold, not until you make eye contact.

"You did say I was very good at it." You look back to the ceiling because the idea of looking him in the eye is suddenly nerve-wracking in a giddy kind of way. 

"You are." Jason chuckles softly. "So, honestly, you alright?"

“I guess.” You let out a sigh. “Just….ya know? A lot still.”

Jason looks over at you just as you look at him and maybe you should talk about last night. You did almost kiss, that was a thing that definitely would have happened had Dick not walked in. It’s in the air now and you can feel it but you’re both quiet about it. You don’t want to bring it up because maybe it’s a game to Jason. Part of the fun with him is that it’s a game. You can’t tell if he’s serious or not about it and that's fun. But, if you bring it up, then it gets serious. You get to find out exactly what’s going on inside that head of his and you don’t think you want the answer if it’s not what you want. And Jason, he doesn’t want to overstep if Gar is actively wanting to seek something out with you. He thinks he’ll fuck it up anyway. You’ve been through a lot and if he’s the one to bring it up, he’s worried you’ll reject him or worse, you’ll want him, too. That’s somehow so much worse because he ruins everything he touches. Everything and everyone’s lives get worse because of him and he can’t do that to you. So, he stays quiet about it, too.

“Wanna train?” He asks as you face the ceiling, choosing to let you take it out on him instead of talking.  “Get that shit off your mind?”

“Gonna go easy on me?” You quip, turning your head to face him as he faces the ceiling again.

Jason gains his signature smirk. “Said I would, didn’t I?”

“That you did.” You laugh softly.

“Get up then.” Jason sits up and You follow suit.

“Hey, Jay.” You call and your eyes are tired but soft. “Thanks again for last night, I owe you.”

Jason shakes his head. “Don’t tell anyone about the reading and call it even.”

“Why don’t you want anyone to know?” You ask.

You can figure why but you ask anyway. To you, it's just reading. Lots and lots of people read. It doesn't seem like such a big deal but to Jason it is. There's something about it that he wants to hide and you want to know what it is. You did ask him last night to tell you something, but you’re also a little curious why he actually did and then why he invited you into his world. It was more than him telling you about it, it's that he read to you. You think everyone should see that side of him, it might change their opinion, if it means so much to him.

Jason shrugs a shoulder. “It’s my thing.” Jason scrunches his nose.

It is his thing. Bruce knows, of course, because Bruce buys him books and has an extensive library which he's found Jason in several times but that's it. It's his thing that no one can take that away. Libraries are free, there's one in every city. The internet contains free books, it's the one constant in his life. But, a part of Jason likes the rough exterior he gives off and maybe if people know he likes to read, it'll soften him, even just a bit and he doesn't like that idea very much.

“And you shared your thing with me.” You give him a pout and Jason nearly combusts as his heart thunders in his chest. “Awww, that’s so sweet.” You’re joking with him but it makes your heart swell. It's his one thing and you’re one of two people Jason chose to share it with.

“Shut the fuck up.” Jason scoffs but there’s a smile on his lips. “I can share another thing with you.” He wiggles his brows at you.

You burst into a fit of laughter and Jason's heart skips a beat while his stomach swirls with your laugh. You suck in your laughter, letting out a sigh before getting your face an inch from his. “Only in your dreams, Jason Todd.” You pull away, getting a look at his flustered expression and you think Jason being flustered might be your favorite sight.

“My dreams just got better then.” Jason quips right back.

You laugh again, your cheeks burning. “Shut up.” You roll your eyes and Jason’s won the game again. “Come on.” You get up first and you offer a hand to him.

Jason takes it. “I’m not going too easy though.” His eyes narrow flighty, a teasing grin on his lips.

“I don’t expect you to.” You hold your smile, Jason’s hand still in yours.

There’s almost a sadness that encompasses you both with the realization that neither of you are going to bring up the elephant in the room. Jason expected you to. You’re blunt enough to say something or maybe even try to finish it. You don’t seem the type to be afraid of that kind of thing, if you were, you wouldn’t openly flirt with him and Gar. But, you don’t and it makes him a little sad. Not shocked, just a little sad.

And you, you expect Jason to make some joke about it or something. He should have a quip or something but he doesn’t. He acts like he didn’t almost happen and you even expect him to finish it from last night. Jason doesn’t seem the type to just let that stuff get brushed under the rug. You actually expect Jason to be blunt about it and cocky because he is about literally everything else. If he wanted you, you think he’d do something about it so it hurts, just a little. But, you both keep quiet about it and pretend it didn’t happen as you walk to the training room.

Later that night, all of you all find yourselves in your separate rooms. Rachel has kept her distance from you and Jason. You figure it’s best not to pry and you’ll figure it out later. Jason and you spent a good portion of the day sparring and throwing knives, Jason will probably always have you beat with sparring but you have him beat with knives. Gar joined you both for a little while sparring, too which was nice for both of you. It eased some of the awkwardness you and Jason created from the night before and from not talking. So, after the last training session, everyone took their showers and went off to their rooms for the night. But, Gar hasn’t had much of a chance to talk to you one-on-one today and figures now might be a good time. He still wants to know what happened and you’ve been quieter than you normally are today.

Gar knocks on your door and you open it within seconds, allowing him in with a smile before walking to your spot on the couch. The thing about Gar is that he’s predictable. You knew he’d be coming to your room to talk about what happened last night because you didn’t talk about it earlier. Jason was the one who checked on you which means Gar doesn’t know the story and you know he’ll need to make sure you’re okay because that’s what he does. Gar always makes sure everyone is okay and he’s predictable. There’s a sense of comfort in his predictability.

“Are you okay?” Gar asks as he walks over and sits beside you. You nod, smiling softly at him but there’s a tiredness in your eyes. “Did you want to talk about what happened last night?” Gar trends carefully not sure how you’re going to react. Gar is predictable, you are not.

“Beat up Jerry.” You answer, looking at the TV.

You aren’t intentionally being quiet. There’s just a lot to process and training allows you to do that without talking. Jason allows you to process without talking when he read to you. You like to process in silence but a part of you thinks that might end up being your downfall. Being quiet about everything that has ever felt too heavy has only ever led you down paths of chaos. Maybe you should talk more.

“Yeah, but why would you do that? You said you wouldn’t risk it and then you did?” Gar’s words hold more force than they normally do. “And you took Jason?”

You look at him, surprised that’s what he’s upset about. Jason?

You let out a sigh. “I didn’t…pick him.” You say, keeping your voice soft. “He figured I’d go after him with the newscast. He waited in the kitchen and caught me.” You explain and you feel bad. You didn’t think he’d be upset about Jason going with you.

“You were gonna go alone?” The worry stretches across Gar’s face and through his words, almost breaking your heart. You never considered how worried Gar would be had this gone south. He’s worried now and it all worked out, relatively okay.

You nod. “I didn’t want to involve anymore.”  There’s a sense of shame that fills your bones and maybe you deserve to feel like this.

Gar is just worried about you. He’s not even upset anymore. He was initially because you said you wouldn't go after Jerry and it was dangerous. And then you brought Jason. It all just hurt him and freaked him out at the same time. Then all day, you’re quiet. You didn’t have many quips for Jason, there wasn’t that banter or the usual kind comment you make to Gar. You never tried to sort it out with Rachel like you did when you had a small argument two weeks ago. Gar’s just worried and he wants to help. And you know that. He isn’t trying to guilt you or shame you. But, you worried him because he cares about you and if the roles were reserved, you wouldn’t be so nice about it.

“Why didn’t you come talk to me about it?” Gar asks softly.

There are a few reasons you didn’t just talk to Gar about it. A part of you is truly terrified that you’ll be too much for him. You don’t want to ruin him with your eternal pessimism and baggage. You’d never hesitate had you met him before the trauma. It would have been easy then but now you have all this bullshit weighing your shoulders down so much it’s hard to even get out of bed. You don’t want to ruin him or break him because you’re drowning. Bringing Gar down with you would be unforgivable.

But, a part of you also wanted to be mad. You’ve been mad for a long time but the anger and fury were suppressed by the need to stay alive. You didn’t have time or patience or energy to be mad and furious about any of it. All of your energy went into breathing and keeping your mind focused on an escape plan. No part of you had this energy to spend to be mad and sulk about every bad thing that’s happened to you in the last two years. Seeing Jerry on the news, it was as if it gave you permission to finally be really, really pissed about it. To be pissed at him for the unforgivable shit he did. The ghost in your mind won but maybe you let it, as bad as it sounds and as guilty as you feel about it. But how are you supposed to tell Gar any of that?

“I dunno.” You shrug. “Talking’s not my strong suit, I guess.” You tug your sleeves down over your hands.

“You can always talk to me about it, Y/n.” Gar urges. “Or we can talk about something else if you don’t wanna talk about that.”

You hang your head. “I know. I, uh, I just…I dunno. I wish I had a better reason, but I don’t. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Gar’s face softens but he’s still worried about you. “Did…it help?”

You shake your head. “No, it did not.” You finally look at him and the guilt is suffocating. “Jason had to pull me off of him. I just…completely lost my fucking mind. Um, the fucker had a little boy in the basement chained like me.”

“Wait, what?” Gar’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, I found him. That’s how Dick found out, I had Jason call while I freed the kid.”

“Shit, that’s horrible. Is he okay?”

“Traumatized probably, but yeah.” You nod. “He said Jerry didn’t hurt him.”

"That's...wow." Gar looks forward, trying to process what you just told him.

"Yeah..." You suck in a deep breath. "It was a lot so, um, Dick was pretty pissed. Jason...actually was pretty helpful and nice about it believe it or not." You scoff, gaining a bit of a smile thinking about the kindness that Jason showed. "It was pretty late and I didn't want to wake you up and have to explain everything that happened. It felt like...it was just too much." You shake your head. "I didn't... wanna even think about it anymore and waking you up would mean thinking about it. So, I went to Jason's room so I wouldn't be alone and he let me just be." You neglect the part about the book, not just because you promised Jason, but because you like the idea of keeping that part of a secret between just the two of you.

"He can be kind of a pretty good friend." Gar smiles softly at you, glad that you at least had him and he wasn't an asshole for once. Actually, Jason kind of treats you better than he treats anyone else at the tower.

"Yeah, he is." You nod. "So, nothing happened. I saw the look on your face when we walked out this morning." You chew the inside of your cheek. It feels like a lie but it's not because nothing happened. You didn't bring it up and neither did Jason but him not bringing it up, tells you there's nothing more. It's a game and that's okay.

"Oh, uh," Gar gives an awkward chuckle. "That wasn't--"

"It's fine. It was weird, I'm sure." You shrug it off because you don't want to talk about that either but it was important that you clarified it, especially with Rachel's comments. "Are you doing anything tonight?" You ask.

"Not anything out of the ordinary." Gar chuckles softly.

"Did you wanna just hang out?" You ask. "Watch movies, not talk about....the shit."

There's something going on, Gar can see it. He expects you to deal with last night, of course but something isn't sitting right. Something in the very pit of his stomach is telling him there's something more going on, something maybe bad. Something's wrong and he wants to know what. He wants to help. Even in serious conversations, you at least smile more or smirk or have some type of smartass comment about something. This time, you’re dry like you’re just trying to get to the end of the conversation as quick as possible. And Gar starts to worry more about you. But, he agrees to not talk about it for now.

Gar goes off to the kitchen to grab a snack while you grab your comforter and move to the couch. You pick one of your comfort movies and pauses it to wait for Gar. While you wait, you check your phone, something that almost felt like an impulse. The only one who knows you’re even...around are the people in the tower but apparently, those years of being glued to your phone have left a muscle memory that comes back like riding a bike. It's a weird thing to do as you think about it, but you shrug it off and scroll through Instagram to kill time.

"What're we watching?" Gar asks as he plops down beside you, a bowl of strawberries, with the tops cut off, in hand.

Your face lights up with the bowl of fruit. "Jurassic Park." You hit play, scooting closer to Gar and snatching a strawberry.

"Imagine if that actually worked." Gar says, almost in amazement as he grabs his own strawberry.

"There is literally an entire movie franchise as to why that's a bad idea. We're watching the first that proves that." You laugh softly.

"Yeah, I know but like imagine having a triceratops in your backyard or something." Gar shrugs at you. "That'd be awesome."

Your eyes narrow. "Okay, now hear me out."

Gar nods, a cheeky smile pulling at his lips. "You have my attention."

"You turn into a triceratops and we don't have to worry about anyone being eaten or impaled or stomped on." You pop another strawberry into your mouth. "I'll take pictures to show you and it'll be kind of the same thing."

Gar lets out a booming laugh. "That's not the same thing! It doesn't count if I'm the dinosaur!"

"IT COULD, GARFIELD." You yell with a laugh, completely ignoring the start of the movie.

"Nah." Gar's laugh subsides as he shakes his head, the smile turning a little sad. "I can only turn into a tiger."

You give him a sympathetic smile. "You told me you turned into a snake once, though! So, I think you could turn into a dinosaur." Your smile turn reassuring as your eyes soften.

Gar gives you a one-sided smile, still a bit sad. "Yeah, that was different though. I was almost killed by my friends and it just happened. It's like there's this block...I can't transform into anything else unless I'm really scared."

You pursed your lips before moving your mouth side-to-side. "Yeah," You shrug. "But maybe that's like the thing though. Maybe it was the trauma that made it happen so if you can figure out how to channel that, maybe you can change into something else whenever you wanted." You let out a breath. "Maybe talking could help?" You suggest because if you’ve learned anything so far, it’s that talking about it does tend to help even temporarily and even when you do not want to. Even just a little bit, it helps and you’ve learned that from Gar. You think maybe Gar should take his own advice talk about it a little bit.

"Yeah, maybe." Gar shrugs.

"You could talk to me. I bitch a lot but I can be a pretty good listener." Your lips curl into a cheesy smile.

Gar chuckles softly. "Thanks, it means a lot."

"I think you could do it. I think you could do anything, really."

"Yeah? Why?"

You shrug. "Dunno, I just believe in you." You smile softly at him, going in for another strawberry. "Does it hurt? When you turn into a tiger?"

Gar shakes his head. "Not really." He answers and he gains this look of fondness as he starts to talk. "It's like...electricity flowing through you but it doesn't hurt." Gar holds his voice with ease. "I just feel so strong and I wanna...break shit and scream in a good way. It feels...empowering."

"I think that's pretty cool." Your voice is soft as you look at Gar with endearment. "You deserve to feel powerful."

Gar quirks his head to the right, questioning what you mean by that. It's not that he doesn't feel powerful, he doesn't. Not really, not in human form. But, why should he feel powerful? He's safe in a tower with his friends. He's a Titan which is probably the coolest thing that's ever happened to him. He has freedom for the first time in a long time.

"I mean not like a power trip thing or anything." You clarify. "I mean powerful in the sense that you stand up for yourself and powerful in the sense that like you just get to be you, unapologetically and shamelessly."

Caulder Manor wasn't all bad. He was safe and always had food. He had his video games and he did have people there who were nice, though they weren't really interested in anything Gar had to say usually. Except for Rita, Rita usually let Gar talk about whatever he wanted. But, he was never allowed to stand up for himself. The Chief would gaslight him, tell him that he was wrong because The Chief always knew what was right. The Chief controlled him and made it seem like it was in Gar's best interest and his safety was of the utmost concern. Clearly, it wasn't. But, a part of that is basically conditioned into Gar now. It's hard to suddenly be able to speak his mind without judgment. It's something he gets to unlearn in a safe environment.

"Thank you." Gar's smile is soft and shy. "You do, too, ya know? Maybe...without the violence though." Gar's forehead wrinkles as the smile turns quirky.

"Ha-ha." You mock. "Funny." You laugh softly. "Yeah, I will try not to be violent again."

"You could get a hobby that isn't violent." Gar suggests, popping a strawberry into his mouth.

"I have hobbies that aren't violent!" You put a hand over your chest, faking offense. Gar just looks at you with a wrinkled forehead and narrowed eyes. "I watch movies and TV, that's a hobby."

Gar hums. "Is it though?"

You scoff, the smile still tugging at the corners of your mouth. "Okay, since you're so smart, what hobby should I have?" You prop your arm on the back of the couch, eyeing Gar with curiosity.

He shifts in his seat. "I don't know." He laughs, tilting his head back. "Do you draw? Paint? Play an instrument? Photography? Video games." Gar gives you a slick smile with the last suggestion.

You give him a shy grin, tilting your head to the left and right. "I used to do some scrapbooking." You scrunch your face.

"Wait, but that's like really cool." Gar shakes his head, a sweet smile turning up his lips.

"You think so?" You ask, voice laced with hints of confusion.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" Gar scoffs. "Isn't like really time-consuming? And doesn't it take patience and practice to make it look good?"

"I dunno. Not many people seemed interested in it, I guess." You feel your cheeks burn. "Yeah, it can take a little while depending on what you're trying to do. I always had a theme for a page or a book and then I'd have to find what I was looking for that matched or take the pictures to fill in some spaces." You explain. "I would do extra chores to earn money to buy everything." You laugh softly.

You always liked the idea of preserving memories in tangible things. In an instant, everything can be ripped from you and it was. You didn't get to take anything with you unfortunately but the thought was there. If something ever happened, you'd have memories in a book, fully decorated and themed to whatever you wanted. It makes you sad thinking about it because you know you'll probably never see those books or some of those photos ever again.

"You should pick it up again." Gar beams at you. "Maybe you could show me."

"I don't wanna bore you." You laugh.

"You can't bore me." Gar shrugs as if it was the easiest thing he's ever said.

"Well, that's very sweet." You say softly, Gar's cheeks starting to burn. "Maybe, we’ll see." You tug at the sleeves of your hoodie, covering your bandaged hands. "Are you okay?" You ask bluntly.

Gar's brows furrow, a shake to his head. "Yeah, why?"

You shrug one shoulder. "I don't ask you very much. You're always checking on me and you said your friends almost killed you and that got you to transform."

"Oh." Gar huffs, looking to his lap. "Yeah."

Your eyes narrow slightly while your heart starts to ache. He's mentioned it before, just once, and he brushed over it then, too. He said Trigon made everyone do it but you feel like maybe there might be a part of that where it doesn't matter. He was terrified enough to transform into a snake so it must have been crushing. And from your own experience, it's always at least a little scary having someone you're supposed to trust come at you.

"You brush it off." You say quietly. "You don't have to. Not with me."

Gar's eyes go soft, holding sadness. He always feels like he can't talk about it. Everyone is just...okay. Jason and Dick were the ones possessed. Rachel ended up losing her parents, and killing her own dad even though he was a demon. No one really understands what it was like looking up and seeing his friends try to kill him. They weren't themselves but it was their faces and it was their bodies.

"It was just pretty scary, ya know?" Gar says, his eyes dodging your.

"Yeah, I bet." You nod with understanding.

"I don't." Gar shakes his head, brows raising as he tries to find words. "I don't wanna be mad about it because I know it wasn't them but..."

"It was them. In a way?" You ask.

"Yeah." Gar exhales sharply. "And everyone got to move on, ya know? It hurt, a lot." Gar nods his head, pain in his voice. "But, what was I supposed to do? After Rachel killed Trigon, we piled into the jeep for a road trip. Jason and Dick were always there. I didn't..." Gar pauses, feeling a mix of anger and sadness. "I didn't have any time to be away from them."

"It's okay." You assure him, scooting closer to him. "Like, to be upset about it. You should have had some time to recover."

"I don't have anywhere else to go." Gar's voice is so small and your heart breaks for him.

"Do you wanna leave?" You ask.

Gar shakes his head quickly. "No, no, of course not. I do really like it here and Jason's my best friend and I like Dick, too. But, I wish I had somewhere I could go to get away for a few days, sometimes." Gar bites the inside of his bottom lip.

"It's not the same or anything, but...you can escape in here if you want. It's still the tower and they'll always be around, but maybe it'll help."

Gar pulls a tiny, sad smile to his lips. "Thank you, Y/n."

"We can make a 'keep out' sign. Only tigers allowed." You nudge him, pulling a teasing smile to your face.

Gar rolls his eyes but the smile grows. "We can see how long it'll take Jason to break down the door." Gar chuckles.

"Oh, I would give it about ten minutes. You put a keep-out sign on something and I think he'll take it as a welcome sign." You laugh. "But, really, I'll fight any of 'em that wanna bug you when you're in here."

"I don't know if you stand much of a chance." Gar chuckles, glancing between your hands and your eyes.

"For you, I do." You hold your head up high and Gar's stomach twists, chest exploding with warmth. "So," You start. "I go to you when I have a nightmare and don't wanna be alone and you can come in here when you wanna be alone. I'll even leave you alone if you want. I can just put in earbuds or something, I don't mind."

Gar shakes his head. "You don't have to. I like talking to you." Gar gives you a sweet smile. "It's different with you since you weren't there almost beating me to death." Gar lets out a dry chuckle.

"A fair point." You match the chuckle. "Well, just let me know."

Gar wonders how you do it. How you have room for him in yourself. Yeah, last night you went rogue and emotions took over every part of your actions and you have nightmares at least a few days a week. You’re not okay, not by a long shot. But, you’re really good at either hiding it or seeming like you’re fine most of the time. And Gar wants to know how you manage it and why.

For him, it's like he can't because he doesn't have anywhere else to go or anyone to talk to. Rachel is too close to Dick to talk about it and she hates Jason anyway. Talking to Rachel about it isn't going to make him feel any better. He has to fake just being okay with it, a clean slate and all that shit. He has no choice. And he's always the caregiver. The one who's always asking everyone else if they're okay because checking in on other people means he doesn't have to check in with himself, dealing with all the emotional baggage that slouches his shoulders. But, he wonders so much how you can do it with everything that you’ve been through because Gar knows even he'd never be able to pull himself out of bed if that happened to him. And he knows he wouldn't have enough room in himself to help other people. But why do you do it? It's not like anyone would judge you if you sat in your room for a week and just cried, grieved for everything you’ve lost and everything that's happened. But you don't.

Every day, you get up and do your chores, get ready for the day with what seems to be, ease. You train just as hard as they do, Gar even swears you train as hard as Jason which is something insane to watch. You don't have to do any of it and you do. And you make jokes, smartass jokes but jokes nonetheless and you hang out with the group whenever everyone is together. Despite everything, you pull yourself together and Gar doesn't understand how or why you’re able to do it. He admires it but he's also equally worried that you'll snap one day. It'll drag you down so far you won't be able to come back from it. It's all gotta hit at some point and he hopes you know he'll always be there, despite what he's dealing with.

"Thank you." Gar nods at you before reaching over and pulling you into a hug.

You hug him back instantly. Physical touch has never been your strong suit. Hugging, holding hands, just a comforting hand on a shoulder. It's never been your thing. It's not that you mind it all too much, but you reaching out to someone always feels too much. It makes everything feel real and when someone needs one of those things, feeling real makes it all a little too scary and a little too painful, even for you. But, then there’s Gar and Jason who make acts of physical touch seem effortless. It feels okay to be a little too exposed and let the pain hurt when it’s with them because it won’t last forever. There’s something comforting in it, with them.

"Sorry." Gar pulls away.

"Don't apologize." You shake your head. "I like when you hug me." Your words are nonchalant. "I've never been much of a hugger but with you, it's nice." Your smile goes shy, cheeks burning.

Gar's chest blooms with confidence. "Oh, okay, that's...that's great then." He nods a few times as if trying not to be too excited about it and you think he's adorable.

"Well, should we actually watch the movie now?" You laugh softly.

"Yeah, yeah, start it over! I haven't watched it in a while."

"Shocking considering your love for both classic and, apparently, dinosaurs."

"Dinosaurs are cool!" Gar defends.

"Triceratops are my favorite." You gain this teasing grin as you face the TV and Gar shakes his head, feeling comfortable with you.

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[anamazingangie]

in-nocentia / Rhaenyra x Daemon

🕯️ Rated E 🕯️9k words 🕯️ Complete 🕯️ by AmazingAngie🕯️

this is a sequel to infernus aestimatus but can be read as a standalone!

tags: Canon Divergence, Fratricide, King Daemon Targaryen, Uncle/Niece Incest, Abuse of Authority, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Consent Issues, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Alcohol, Loss of Virginity, Painful Sex, Size Kink, Dacryphilia, Breeding Kink, NILI : Nieces I'd Like to Impregnant, Belly Bulge, Somnophilia, Mild Bloodplay (it is practically canon!), Made up Valyrian Lore

Summary:

It pleased him that their first kiss was filled with the metallic taste of the other’s blood. It pleased him to know the taste of her in this way. He wanted to know the taste of her in every way. He would greedily drink saliva from her mouth, release from her cunt, perspiration from her skin, milk from her breast—and this, blood, was no exception. If she had a wound, his tongue would happily lave at it as if it were her folds, unwilling to waste the flavor that wept from her, for no matter the source, it would belong to him, her husband. And in return, she was his. His niece. His queen. His love. Only ever to be shared with his heirs, while they grew inside of her. Or, she no longer waits for him in her rooms — why would she, when she now belongs in his bed?

some of my favorite bits are below the cut, but you can...

💕  Read on Ao3 💕 

...to see the whole thing!

He laid her on the bed, watching her curl up while looking at him intently—enjoying the show of him stripping, revealing flesh she’d had to go without seeing for hours. It pleased him how she seemed to enjoy his body as much as he enjoyed hers. She had spent hours learning every scar that marred his skin, licking them, nipping at them, finding out what hurt and what felt good and what he’d allow her to do.

Anything. 

In return, he had yet to go a day since they wed without sucking on her breasts as if he was her babe and not her husband. Even if they did not yet leak for him, the comfort of their ruddy tips between his lips was bliss.

Afterward, they were all swollen and sensitive and she made the prettiest little whimpers when he pinched and twisted them. 

“Are they not mine to torture? I am your husband.” He had told her once. 

She used the same words against him the following hour when her teeth sunk into his sack, making him gasp and swear because fuck it fucking hurt. 

Still, she had a point, he supposed. 

He didn’t stop his ministrations, of course not, he simply told her to torture him in ways that wouldn’t impact his ability to sire children. 

The next day, her teeth tugged on his own nipple—pulling away for just a moment to tell him—to warn him—that if he ever angered her, her teeth would ensure his torsos' symmetry. 

He responded with a filthy kiss. 

It seemed the only appropriate way to show his affection and adoration which remained unwavering, if not intensified for the insanity of her promise. His little niece—his little wife, threatening to tear the nipple from his flesh with her teeth if he dared wronged her. 

After the kiss ended, he asked her, “Do you promise?” 

Her cheeks were flushed, likely more from drink than arousal—a pretty shade of pink across her face, matching the shade of her parted lips and rosy nipples. As if her body coordinated the tones specifically for his pleasure—and gods he was pleased by her, every inch of her was perfection, as if she had been crafted just for him and his desires.

Perhaps she was, though he doubted his brother had known what his seed was making at the time of Rhaenyra’s creation. That his spend would turn into the most precious gift for his younger brother. 

But then, she wasn’t given to him by his brother—no, Rhaenyra had given herself to him. She’d been in a robe, not red ribbons, but the function was the same when she returned to her chambers to await his arrival. She planned to flirt her way into a crown of her own, or at least a circlet that would sit on her finger as a mark of his ownership.

She’d succeeded. Through her good looks, charm, and promises of how she would bear him heirs.

“I wished to stretch you out more, but I fear for how desperate your poor little cunt is—grinding against me in the night and seeking pleasure. You need a cock, princess.” He muttered, his tone making the situation sound rather dire.

She let out a little huff, her nose wrinkling as her eyes glared at him, “I recall you grinding against me at night, also, uncle. Perhaps it is you who need cunt.” She said, full of fire even now, when she was half asleep and dulled by drink. 

“Perhaps we need each other, hm?” He suggested, the words sounding sweeter than he expected, but still entirely true on his tongue. 

She shook her head, her teeth gritted as she spoke, “I’m angry because it hurts.” 

“Can you not take it?” He wondered, “Can’t take your husband’s cock? Must I seek another cunt to fuck? Perhaps a Velaryon bride would have been better suited.” 

Her nails curled, carving crescents into his shoulders and showing how much she disliked this suggestion. It did not stop him, though, “Are you too little? Too small? Unprepared for the burden of taking your king?” He mused. “Scepter too large for the queen’s pretty cunt.” 

“I’m too sleepy to practice more,” she muttered, her eyes fluttering shut and blonde lashes sitting prettily atop her cheeks. 

He hummed, “That’s okay, we can practice while you sleep.” He promised, curling himself around her while their loins remained pressed together. 

much much more to this on ao3!

💕  Read on Ao3 💕 

[katyspersonal]

Who is your favorite Elden Ring character?

Oh man.. This is a very hard question to answer because I love a LOT of characters for their own reasons, and it is really hard to pick one. You might as well send me this ask again every weak and there's a chance the answer would be different every time, too, because my thought process and personality are not stable either! (don't actually send it every week xD)

In general, I can learn to love every character after peering very deep within their being and discovering their potential (or nurturing it), but some characters still stand out and have been stable enough as favourites! That'd be Melina, Ranni, Goldmask, Sellen, Nepheli, Alberich, Yura, Eleonora, Ensha, Malenia (+Millicent), Godwyn and Vyke! I am sorta waiting on Miquella/Trina for DLC because I just don't know what to expect considering Martin's involvement!

I think Melina is the closest to what I could have as favourite character! My favs are more or less equally loved, but she left an emotional impact on me like no other character had before and that alone made her stand out already! Heck, I tag posts about her as 'wife' from time to time! You see..,

The full archive of EPIC AND VERY QUESTIONABLY SANE CONVERSATION is in this chain ( x ), but basically I've completely missed the point of Shabriri gaslighting us. The fact he was talking about burning Melina completely flew over my head, mostly because I didn't check right dialogues. The point about how there is no reason to fix the broken world and existence itself is a curse, however.....? (God I still fucking LOVE the "it is not my fault you jump into ‘hurr hurr but mass destruction bad’ instead of actually thinking" gem fdjhfhs). So, when my friends kept arguing with me I could not actually hear them!

And yet, everything changed when it was just Melina being sad with her voice even trembling a little bit if I remember correctly, convincing us to not inherit FF before the door to it, when everything clicked for me and I snapped out of it. There was something in her expressing her feelings on importance of life in spite of despair, pain, oppression and constant resistance that felt bigger and more important than any thoughtful conclusions on nature of life and world itself.

It is already very admirable that she makes a conscious choice to sacrifice herself for this world. It is not blindly following the purpose she was given, but she comprehends what she is doing and why, having a chance to live her own life now that Marika is absent but still choosing not to, so others could. There is no guarantee that Tarnished (or anyone) WILL make the future better, no way to tell what happens after she annihilates herself. She is motivated by hope for this world, and her trust. Hope is almost alien emotion for me, so I am impressed by the character that embodies it so much. And of course with the way she can kick ass, and how she asserts herself that her sacrifice is not OUR choice, I thought she was pretty badass.

All that is already hard qualities to compete with as they are, and they got strengthened by, without exaggeration, a bit of personal experience with the character! And then it gets MORE personal because, ironically, such an important character also dies in a unique way in Soulsborne context. Death is rarely a thing in Soulsborne worlds because of souls, planes of reality and timespace shenanigans, but Melina already had no body and thus burnt her soul. This is a complete annihilation without any loophole and backtrack, yet I don't even have the heart to meddle with this even in my imagination because this is what she decided.

[ridiculous-disaster]

Why did we need another season, I know it’s disappointing but please. We have like twenty heroes all at the same time. This should have been the end. Hawkmoth is dead, mayura is fine everyone is happy. All arks are basically finished. The yes Lilla would have been slightly disappointing but it would be better then dragging this further then it needed to. But no because greed I guess.

I am honestly worried that Chloe is coming back. Right now I can pretend that she was sent of to a boarding school like Zoe was and found people who care for her. What Andre did is so disgusting, he knew is was abusive and he did it anyway because “you can be terrible together”. Don’t get me wrong Chloe is a bad person and deserves punishment, but not this. Punishment is taking away her wealth, grounding her, or anything else a loving and/or sane parent does. This is not a good solution and even if Chloe becomes a better person she should not go back to Andre, this girl would do better in foster care. Saying that a child would do better in foster care is the worst statement to someone’s parenting. But Chloe is a child and foster care could allow her to see the type of family she needs.

I don’t want the terrible messages to continue on, enough damage has already been done to kids. From making stalking a sane thing to do. I am tired of the double standards, Marinette is excused by her trauma but Chloe isn’t? I am tired of this shows treatment of Adrien. He was a main character, not anymore, he wasn’t even relevant enough to be in the final fight. This isn’t “feminism” or “girl power” it’s just bad writing. And I am tired of people saying it isn’t. Feminism is about empowering women, not putting men down.

I’m tagging this as a spoiler as I don’t completely know the rules and it’s better safe then sorry.

[newpotatomash]

It's so fucking ironic when little shits start pelting the comment section in fics that are clearly tagged with "pedophilia" and "dead dove do not eat" and similar words.

Long fucking rant under the cut-

What is it with these people and being unable to just fucking click the back button? It isn't even my fanfiction, but these people just scream everything between "Go to therapy" and "kill yourself" as if they actually wish for people to deal with whatever might cause an issue in their life??? They fucking don't. They just want to scream at strangers to die while they write "UwU dead dove do not eat" fanfics themselves that include murder and violent fantasies of a fictional character.

But it's fine when they do it because nobody involved is underage as if that makes their stupid fucking rules about thought-crimes any less violent.

Why is it always the same people who insist they love dark media?? Either you're fine with MADE UP ACTS or you're not. You can't just fucking pick and choose and decide that you're the authority of "acceptable" violence that someone thought up in their heads.

I am extremely fickle when it comes to media that involves vaginal sex, and that is my responsibility to curate, which is why I fucking??? Don't??? Walk right into a fanfic that's been tagged with those exact tags and blame the author.

I saw someone going something like, "No sane person would read this. I can only imagine a very impressionable child stumbled upon it and saw it, which breaks my heart ngl"

IF AN IMPRESSIONABLE CHILD STARTS TICKING BOXES FOR A VERY SPECIFIC TYPE OF FANFIC, AND THEY THEN PROCEED TO READ IT, HOW THE HELL IS THAT THE AUTHORS FAULT. we're one goddamn step away from blaming murder on video games here.

These fucking people think that wishing death upon others for writing a piece of fiction is any better than a 14 year old reading said piece of fiction and going, "Whoa. Weird." And then leaving the website because they realized that pretending to be 18+ was a bad idea.

I am in awe over the internet.

The amount of times I see the word "degenerate" on a day is completely bonkers and I wish sites weren't so fucking scared of porn. We're just competing in some fucked up moral olympics and nobody is winning except the advertisers who cry snot at a site allowing 18+ content. I love ao3 so much.

I hate that if I wish to post smutty drawings I have to use twitter? I won't suddenly start using a site like furaffinity when I don't draw anything that would count as furry.

I hate the internet for taking away the immeasurable joy it is to bond with people who just want to play dolls (write fanfics or draw fanart, make oc stuff, all that) with me. I've met some of my best friends online that I've sent and received gifts from over the span of 5, 10, 15 years.

I remember writing an abundance of shotacon fics, and knowing it was an acquired taste, but never seeing the kind of moral-policing we have now. (I know it existed. Of course) Hell, I remember people just saying that Enzai was an amazing anime because to them, it was a given that a yaoi anime would include kids and rape and false imprisonment?? It was the fucking wild west and it's like people saw this and went "Hey... We should start tagging things."

But instead of continuing to have fun with their fictional writings and tagging topics in the stories, we just escalated into "We have a pedophilia tag but people will wish death upon you."

How do these people survive in day-to-day life in actual conversation? Do they start arguing and calling a 15 year old who has a crush on their 14 year old friend a pedophile? Do they start berating young women because they named their boyfriend "daddy" in their phonebook? Why are they like this???

I miss fanfiction.net and livejournal so much when the biggest concern was figuring out what topic I'd discuss while I pretended to speak to characters from Yugioh and yelling "I don't own any of these characters". I miss it so much. It made my life better. I found community, I made friends. I wonder what kind of friends people nowadays will make 15 years from now.

Shout out to my buddies from ffnet who are still following me because you know exactly who you are

[tortoisesshells]

top five 1899 characters and/or top five scenes from 1899!

unfortunately, I cannot shut up about 1899. to save your dash, it's all under the cut. tl;dr: I fucking love Maura Franklin.

TOP 5 CHARACTERS: (1) Maura Franklin: she's unhinged. she's the only sane man. she's suffered more than jesus christ. she's caused everyone else to suffer more than she has (maybe). she'll never let go. she has to let go. she accidentally keeps committing adultery with the walking talking open wound masquerading as an authority figure. stealth pants. possibly understands far more than she ever lets on. The most character of all time.

(2) Eyk Larsen: so far past his breaking point that it's almost comic. who put this man in charge of a ship and 1500 souls? If 1899 is a story about grief, then he gets so many of the great character beats about it. He'd practically dead himself. He's going to drink himself into an early grave. A shell of a man with a single, half-deranged thread of hope. A man who was saved from inspiring the worst kind of dad issues in his daughters by their horrible and premature deaths. If his story on the Kerberos is completely disconnected from his reality (whatever that is) I think he should be allowed to commit murder.

(3) Ramiro: I don't know what I can say about him that you and others have not said more eloquently than I, but: a man who is destined to keep secrets - not only his own; a man who deserves rest but is not allowed to, either by his own moral compass or the intolerance of the world around him. everyone wants him as a confessor and confidante, but he struggles to find that for himself! he shines in the crisis, but you wish he didn't have to. I hope there's a version of reality where he and Ángel get to sit in the open sun and enjoy a quiet afternoon.

(4) Jérôme: local man forced to abandon perfectly good Count of Monte Cristo plot by supernatural vicissitudes and his own sense of rights and wrongs. I think he should get to get Lucien with the hammer. I think he and Clémence should ride off into the sunset together. I have no idea how he and Clémence got out of Ling Yi's memories, but I think something horrible and plot-relevant happened in there and I'm raging against the heavens that we'll never get to see the full scope of their escape into the boiler room. He doesn't seem to be running away from his past as much as the others, and sets aside his sprint towards rightful vengeance as soon as he sees the miseries of his past playing out again. I still don't know what I believe his original plan was - murder? simply throwing the medal back in Lucien's face? Did he know himself? G O D.

(5) Ling Yi: I, too, enjoy hiding in small spaces, though I'm more partial to handy closets than miscellaneous equipment lockers. She's isolated from her mother by the great secret they're carrying between them, from any common ability to connect to anyone else, from her own sense of self. It's understandable that she tends to expect the worst, all things taken together. If all this has happened before, how many times has she not been able to say goodbye, either to Mei Mei or to her mother? How long has she been staring the end, not of her physical life, but her life as Ling Yi, in the face?

TOP 5 SCENES: (1) "Have you ever lost someone? It's like you're dying with them. They can move on. You're stuck." I've rambled at length in the tags but: Eyk Larsen's whole life as Captain of the Kerberos is one great circle between Southampton and New York, over and over, without end. He cannot escape it. He cannot, except temporarily, escape his grief over the loss of his family and his failures as a husband and father to have done something. And yet (as we know) none of this is real, and all of this is Maura's doing - maybe. Maura, rightly, looks as though she's been gutted: this is her grief reflected back to her. She cannot move on, and because of it, they're all stuck.

(2) I am a giant sucker for well-done SFX, and the Kerberos descending through the maelstrom into the archive left me gasping. Ling Yi's - resignation? - to seeing the impossible spooling out in front of her, when she's lost the only other person on the ship who cared at all for what she thought makes spectacle into tragedy.

(3) The multiple-way conversation between Ángel and Ramiro and Eyk and Eugen about the survivors aboard the Prometheus having need of a priest in the first-class hallway: the multiple conversations being had at once, the switching between languages, the claustrophobic framing, that Ángel, who has not exactly shown himself to have much care for Ramiro's opinions thusfar, shows himself instead to be frightened and a little desperate to not rock the boat (sorry, couldn't resist) and still concerned for Ramiro's well-being as the masquerade seems to be getting out of hand. There's so much going on in such a little scene!

(4) Maura, wondering where everyone on the Prometheus went, immediately asking Eyk how hot the boilers run - skipping right over that it would be significantly easier, perhaps, to throw bodies overboard than cremate 1500 people. I love how your mind works, Miss Franklin. You're terrifying. (actually, the whole sequence of Maura and Eyk immediately deciding to lie to each other rather than converse is a delight. for a given value of delight.)

(5) The fight on the stern of the Kerberos at the end of the mutiny: the lighting! the drama! the spectacle! the realization that all is lost before the significantly worse realization - they are so far beyond the boundaries of the possible, and whatever controls this place is not operating by known rules! The many reunions mid-fight! Iben wins by being willing to murder a child!

[feralremains]

Tag nine people you want to get to know better

Thank you @the-toad-in-your-piano for the tag!

Three ships

Hm, I will tell about my most recent one, the one I've written the most about, and the one that got me into writing fanfic and making fanart.

The latest: Nygmobblepot! Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot from Gotham. Well, what can I say? Sad, mentally ill and murderous men, what's not to like? They have an interesting relationship, and I like to see it being explored more in many different forms.

The one I've written the most: Willton, Frederick Chilton/Will Graham from Hannibal. Even though this is the ship with the highest amount of words by me, it's still only somewhere between 5,000 and 10,000 words. I'm a beginner, but hopefully getting better all the time! I admit, this one isn't very popular. I like NBC Hannibal's Chilton as a character a lot, and I personally think he needs some other character to develop himself. Will gives us contrast, with his cool calculations and violent mind compared to Frederick's neuroses and anxieties.

The beginning: Good old Mystrade. Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade from BBC Sherlock. I'm a sucker for emotionally suppressed middle-aged men. I suppose I could explore my own experiences through them - anxiety, depression, self esteem issues. Older queer people have always made me hopeful, and even though it really isn't the same, sometimes fictional characters work as a substitute.

First ever ship

Huh, I am not absolutely sure, but I guess this would be Johnlock. I remember seeing one of the older Sherlock Holmes films when I was younger, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, 1970, and Holmes implying Watson and he were lovers felt surreal, almost. This one was an old film for a young kid such as myself, and there they were, queer, and it wasn't only a joke, we were not only portrayed as comic relief. Obviously it was somewhat humorous (Holmes trying to avoid fathering a child for Madame Petrova), but they didn't make it seem like queer people were lesser. In a way, I felt understood - that's what not having obvious actual queer representation causes - and it stayed in the back of my mind for a long time.

Now, thinking about the ships I've now told about, I realise I (often along with other people) have headcanoned one person of the pair as asexual, even though I've only known I'm ace myself for a very short time, comparatively.

Last song

I've been listening to Hannibal the Musical and Possibly in Michigan (Animal Cannibal). Completely normal and sane songs to listen to, I can assure you.

Last movie

I watched The Lady in the Van with my parents last night. It was quite amusing, both light-hearted and serious at the same time. Before that, The Batman (2022), which I didn't like as much as some of the other Batman films, but it was quite decent.

Currently reading

Haha, I'm not currently reading anything, really. The last actual book I read was the Shining by Stephen King some weeks ago. It was much better than the film, which I watched right after, although not scary at all.

Currently watching

Gotham (2014-2019). Finding television series that can keep me watching is not the easiest task, I guess. Usually I only like a few characters, and try to resist the urge to only see their scenes as long as I can.

Currently consuming

Well, I should be getting an evening snack, but I'm writing this. Going to get an apple and some mango gurt with rice cereal.

Currently craving

This is a bit in the TMI territory, but the ability to feel strong emotions, and for once not anxiety. I feel very empty most of the time. Fortunately I have Petunia the blue tongue skink. I also would like to learn Swedish and get even more herps.

Tagging (no pressure to actually do this! Also, with my luck, everyone I tag has already participated in this, but no harm done anyways. I have literally never interacted with some of you, and never in a personal manner with any of you, but let's ignore that for a moment, or otherwise I could never participate in these)

@nygmobblepot-trash @arabriddler @shyjusticewarrior @cliobii @evansdoodles @super-who-locked-me-in-here @barbacarisi @the-chilton @no1raulesparzafan

[piracytheorist]

What is a common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about?

I'm taking this back to Once Upon a Time, and it's the idea that Killian's journey was to go back to his "Lieutenant Jones" persona. Only I am RightTM of course, and my RightTM opinion is that Lieutenant Jones was even less of himself than Captain Hook was. Killian is, at his core, Chaotic. He doubts and rejects authority, he acts on his own moral code (whether that's fucked up or a little more sane) and he hates being controlled and told what to do. Lieutenant Jones was in the Navy, and you cannot survive in such a place if you're not full-on Lawful and willing to abide by someone else's rules.

So there were a lot of people who saw Lieutenant Jones and went like "This is what Killian needs to return to" and it's the absolute wrong way to interpret his character. Killian only joined the Navy because Liam wanted to join, and because Killian still (and always) idolized him and thought that Liam is always right and he should follow what Liam does. But it's not how Killian works as a person. People only think he should have gone back to that was because Lieutenant Jones was GoodTM, and the only way for Killian to be redeemed and become a good person was by adapting back into a place that went directly against his actual beliefs and stances.

--

Wait, I thought of another fandom opinion as well, and it's about Mia Winters from Resident Evil 7 and 8. So much of the fandom seems to have the interpretation that we're meant to hate her, and I cannot begin to tell you how wrong that feels. I don't think we're meant to fully forgive her, of course, but the narrative gives us enough material to show that Mia really, honestly cared for Ethan and yet the "Mia Winters bashing" tag is a common tag on ao3, but I'm not surprised that a video game fandom is overflowing with misogyny. Because, especially seeing how easily people forgive Heisenberg for his far more atrocious behaviour against Ethan, not giving a female character the benefit of the doubt, completely disregarding the idea of Author's Intent and only basing ones' opinion on her on their biases can also be traced to misogyny, I am sorry to tell you :)

So yeah. It's mostly because it's obvious people allow their biases to influence their opinion on Mia and don't take Author's Intent into consideration like, why were we given this and that scene? What is the narrative meaning of the two different endings in Resident Evil 7? How does Ethan react to Miranda's words while she poses as Mia? How does Chris Redfield, beloved character of the franchise, react to Mia's outbursts at the end of Resident Evil 8? Some people just don't give a fuck about any of that and go like "She's not sexy, mysterious or OP enough so into the trash she goes". And I am not even a Mia fan. It's just very obvious how biased people are about her.

Which is not a bad thing... if you recognize that. It's okay to have biases and for some characters to hit you in a very very bad way. The problem is most people don't realize that and they make going through the "Ethan Winters" tag here a nightmare until you block the right people.

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

[purplesaline]

SALMONELLA!!!

This can absolutely cause harm!! Especially if the chicken fucker has any human sexual partners.

Fucking a warm cantaloupe can cause a yeast infection.

Please don't fuck food. If it's not something that can be safely inserted into your body you shouldn't be inserting your body into it.

And the harm/no harm metric? It's not the worst metric to base moral judgement on but I'll do you one better.

Informed consent.

Cause let's face it, there's TONS of stuff we do every day that can be, and is, harmful to someone else but is still no one else's business because everyone involved has given informed consent.

Like fucking submarine dude. If each guest knew how the sub was constructed and still decided to go it would have been none of our business when it imploded because informed consent (and likewise resources shouldn't have been used to make an attempt at rescue/recovery).

Informed consent is why there's been a push within the kink community to move away from the tag line "Safe, Sane, Consensual" to "Risk-Aware, Consensual Kink" cause let's face it, lots of what folks get up to isn't really safe or sane, but if everyone involved is aware of the risks and gives consent it's not really our business.

But, much like ethical consumption under capitalism is impossible, engaging in risky behaviours doesn't just risk harm to yourself because if you are hurt badly enough to need medical care you're using resources that may be needed by others so the harm/no harm metric becomes more complicated. Is it a moral issue of someone is causing harm and doesn't realize it? Or is it just a moral issue if they continue after being told it's causing harm?

We're also aren't really all that good about accurately predicting the harm that something can actually do. See the outrage against trans folks existing in public or teaching kids in school that Caspar can have two mommy's, or that Dungeons & Dragons will turn us all to Satan or that video games will make us all violent criminals.

What about breaking up with someone? That unequivocally causes harm, does that make someone a bad person? There are times in our lives when causing harm isn't just unavoidable, but necessary. Self-defense, for example.

What if I'm doing something completely reasonable but it's triggering someone else? Am I a bad person because my actions are causing them harm? Even though what I'm doing wouldn't make me a bad person in any other context? Are my friends bad people for driving a white car even though they know it's a trigger of mine?

Harm/no harm is a good place to start but the reality is morality is so much more complicated than that because morality is a social construct. As a society changes and grows our concept of morality does too.

And as a final reminder,

please for the love of god if it's not safe to insert into your body do not insert your body into it

Oh my god. I need to share another story of my new friend making today. So my friends husband says, very casually, as we’re about to leave for the ren faire, “Yeah, it’s like my story about fucking a chicken.”

And of the four people present I was the only one who was shocked. The others all nodded as if to say, yes yes, we know, the chicken fucking.

So he explained, when a progressive person is analyzing a behavior they will typically use the metric, Harm/No Harm. They may not like things in the No Harm category but they wouldn’t object.

Conversely, a more conservative mindset used something like eight metrics. Authority/No Authority Moral/Not Moral, things like that.

So, he posited if you want to sound out someone’s mindset (and you’re willing to live with the repercussions) you can ask: if a man buys a dead chicken from the store, cleans it thoroughly, then fucks it, and then eats it himself…?

I listened in dawning horror, both rapt and disgusted. But into the growing pause I whispered, “No harm…” because it really has no effect on me or anyone else if a man fucks a dead chicken. I don’t like it, I think he’s a weird dude, but like. That’s his dick. But a more conservative person will hear that and object on moral grounds despite not being harmed.

It’s been haunting me all day, so please enjoy.

[moodylimesoda]

Crown Jewel 2024 Reactions

So like last ppe I will give my final thoughts! If you see no reactions it’s because I didn’t have any for that match.

Bloodline OG vs Bloodline Lite

Winner: Bloodline Lite

It was interesting. I’m not sure how I feel about the outcome but I can gather the concept that the OG bloodline isn’t complete until it is actually complete. There’s too much bad blood. That questionable non tag to Roman from Jey was already tricky for me.

The after of the match with the obvious shenanigans was a little predictable because we know Sami was coming. I was good with that. But, that accidental kick. Hmm. Great. How does The Pebble get involved in the future? Let’s see.

Women’s Tag Team Fatal 4-Way match

Belair and Cargill (c) vs Sky and Sane vs Jackson and Legend vs Greene and Niven

Winners: Bianca Belair and Jade Cargill

This match was fantastic! Iyo had a few issues there but that’s okay! No injuries I hope. Chelsea did her comedic part with a few good moves there. I’m not sure about y’all but I’m going to need to see Cargill vs Legend someday! All 8 of these ladies did so good!

Seth Rollins vs Bronson Reed

Winner: Seth Freakin’ Rollins

Women’s Crown Jewel Championship match.

Nia Jax ( WWE Women’s Champion Smackdown) vs Liv Morgan ( WWE Women’s Champion Raw

Winner: Liv Morgan (With help)

Another waste of my damn time. Listen I’m glad the ladies got to come out and represent (as a person I’m great with this, everyone needs to flex on!) but as a fan I’m over the cheating. I’m also annoyed Tiffany didn’t cash in and it’s giving useless contract for me.

Some wins need to come WITHOUT distractions and assistance. This was one of em. Any belt for that matter… Again, as a person I am not knocking this because this is huge for women in this industry anyway, and I am proud Liv as a person is doing what she wants to do and being heel and making it work, but as a fan I separate kayfabe from reality and my fan side DON’T WANT NONE.

Kevin Owen’s vs Randy Orton

Winner: None. The match never happened. I’d be kind of angry if I was a filler segment but it’s Crown Jewel…so…we just chose violence.

WWE United States Championship Triple threat match.

LA Knight (c) vs Andrade vs Carmelo Hayes

Winner: LA Knight (Yeah)

That turnbuckle doesn’t like them. Iykyk. lol.

Impressive as always from all three.

Men’s Crown Jewel Championship

Cody Rhodes (Smackdown Undisputed WWE Champion) vs Gunther (Raw World Heavyweight Chamion)

Winner: Cody Rhodes

Somehow I imagine they weren’t going to have the King/queen of the ring also be Crown Jewel champions. That makes sense to me. Was a crazy match though. Great to watch. I appreciate the handshake at the end however.

Overall

I have to begin this with the obvious because my wrap up is short. Those are some FUCKING UGLY BELTS. AND I saw the post show and so those belts remain in Saudi Arabia and they get rings. You could have JUST MADE THE PRIZE THE RINGS.

Everything is else is written above. Aside from the belts being basically made rings, it’s like when you make a replica for a miniature. We just had huge versions made human size. I just…I don’t get it. Overall everyone just make your money. As I said as a person, everyone did what they needed to do, as a fan, I don’t want some of that lol.

And I do want to say I realize I sound quite negative when it comes to the women but I’m not trying to be. These women do amazing work and have amazing talent and no matter how it was won she is the first and I’m proud of all of the women when they achieve firsts in this business. I must say again I separate kayfabe from reality! So as a person I’m all for it! As a fan of the brand…god she’s gonna he insufferable!

Thanks for reading!