#as well as one that happened years ago
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#personal#rant#why did my anxiety have to get so bad the past few days#im sitting here almost shaking thinking about a situation that happened a couple days ago#as well as one that happened years ago#and im like panicking thinking that my partner secretly hates me for them#and ive been thinking about them for a couple days now#and it’s just exhausting
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you can put anything on the internet.
#u see what u have to understand about this video. is there is a specific phenomenon when em and i are looking for horrible-concept amvs#and then it occurs to us that surely one exists. and it doesnt. and then these things happen#all for the sake of recreating the serotonin rush of finding bad but weirdly well crafted amvs in the depths of youtube from 10 years ago.#sincerely hope this helps contextualize this 4+ minute lady gaga berserk amv. takes a bow and exits the room#everyone go watch the earlier amv i uploaded today. pls#amvees#flashing cw
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The amount of posts/fanart/memes I've already seen surrounding Cooper and Hancock only proves to me that Hancock NEEDS to make a cameo in a later season. Somehow. I need them to get in a knife fight. I need them to get up in each other's faces and kiss intimidate each other.
Cooper's look was originally supposed to have black eyes and have scars identical to the Fallout 4 design, but the idea was ultimately scrapped. Boy oh boy, who else has black eyes and- HANCOCK. Hancock does. HE looks like that. This was clearly a sign from the universe.
#/hj but also /srs#could you imagine TWO hot iconic ghouls on-screen???#I just think it would be funny#Especially considering a few years ago they used images of Hancock in the articles about Walton playing a ghoul#and even Danny jokingly commented on it saying “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!”#you could easily get away with a Hancock cameo as well because he has zero faction association. His appearance wouldn't contradict anything#also it would be interesting to see two characters with such similarities (who ultimately turned out differently) in the same room#I'm not just saying this because I wanna see live-action Hancock in action (I sort of am)#I would only accept a such a reality if Hancock was played by Danny though. Anyone else and it's not even worth it#Idk if it's just me who genuinely would want this to happen or if I'm living a pipe dream#fallout#fallout amazon#fallout prime#fallout 4#the ghoul#cooper howard#hancock#john hancock
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calling it a rewrite is becoming more and more appropriate because I have changed so much and im only on the prologue
#I wrote the prologue over a year ago#im a changed person it happens#rambling#nothing too drastic#well...aside for one thing but yk
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And that’s a wrap for Comic Con 2024! Ha, it was a lot of fun, but I really enjoyed dressing up as Mondo today! I even had a couple people recognize him! And a few others just liked the hair, one of whom asked how long it took me to get my hair like that, which tells me that at least it looks natural enough for people to mistake it as my actual hair, ha.
Overall, Comic Con was cool! On Thursday, I attended a live podcast recording for Braving the Elements, which is an Avatar the Last Airbender podcast hosted by Janet Varney and Dante Bosco (the voices of Korra and Zuko, respectively), and I actually got a trivia question right and I should (hopefully…) get an email from them soon to get a prize for answering the question right. If not… oh well. At least I’ll be featured briefly on the podcast answering trivia correctly, even though I usually suck at trivia, ha.
The rest of the days were a bit more meh, but I still had fun. I won a Pokeball ornament from a Hallmark panel, since I knew how many Squirtles were in the Squirtle Squad, aha. Which leaves my trivia score 2 for 2 at the moment.😅 I also got a free shirt and scarf for the upcoming Yakuza live action show, which was neat. I’ve never played Yakuza, but my brother has, so I was able to give him the shirt at least.
Still, while Comic Con was fun, I’m definitely glad it’s over so I can go home and clean up from my frantic cosplay creating the last several weeks, oof.
Also! On the first day I dressed at Taka, but since I was by myself I only have the one photo my dad was able to quickly take of me before he had to drive off and a quick selfie I took in the car.
#danganronpa#mondo owada#kiyotaka ishimaru#GPOY#ishimondo#personal post#My angry face could do some work ha#I can do a mean death glare. But angry face? Not as much sadly#Oh well.#Oh! And I’m kinda proud of myself with the Taka costume#Not for anything I did on the costume but because I was able to lose enough weight to fit into the cosplay jacket I bought years ago!#It was too small when I bought it and while I got it refunded I didn’t actually return it#Since the company was trying to make me spend $40 to send it back?#And I was like… that pretty much takes up the majority of the cost of the outfit what.#So I never sent it back and still got the money for it#I always thought that MAYBE I would one day lose enough weight to fit it#But I didn’t have much hope of it#But! I have found a good medication that helps with my appetite and I am trying to exercise more#And now the jacket fits!#The pants of the cosplay still don’t but that’s fine#I have white pants ha#Oh also yes my hair did deflate as the day went on ha#I’ll fix it before the next con I decide to wear this costume to#Luckily I didn’t overheat that badly while wearing it#There was one moment where I got very dizzy but that happens every so often with me these days#The heat didn’t help but it didn’t fully cause it either
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Listen yin yu and Ling wen have the exact same jobs. Yin yus just yah know. Paid
And yin yu could have time off if he wanted but he has strict plans to overwork himself to death so that the thoughts cant plague him and hua cheng is an enabler
#Tgcf#Yin yu#ling wen#Yin yu and Ling wen serve the same purpose for ghost city and heaven and I will die on this hill#Also a strong believer in that no hua cheng does play yin yu pretty well it's just still not enough to put up with hua cheng nonsense#Hua cheng 110% willing to enable everyone's bad habits but xie lians just to see what will happen#He and he xuan have a bet going on when they thing Yin yu will snap from the over working stress#Ling wen being jun wu's right hand person is the one running the day to day things overworked def had to listen to xie lian rants#Yin yu being hau chengs right hand person running the day to day of ghost city has to listen to hc rant overworked#Quick wheres that Ling wen and yin yu becoming forced friends au post I made 5 million years ago
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Nancy Drew + text posts (57/?)
4.09 || The Memory of the Stolen Soul (1/2)
feat. @heartunsettledsoul, @ghostmaggie, & @acesnancy ♥︎
#nancydrewedit#nancy drew cw#ndcentral#heartunsettledsoul#ghostmaggie#acesnancy#the memory of the stolen soul#ndcw409textposts#nancy drew text posts#text posts#bethanyactuallyedit#this episode aired one year ago today <3#I didn't mean for it to take me an entire year to make these edits but oh well#that's what happens when I move mid-season and then get busy with life I guess and also making other stuff#queue of themyscira
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doodles
edgar vargas and squee by johnen vasquez
scriabin by zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin vargas#zarla s#scriabin#doodles#YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME . . . . !!!!#well HELLO !!!! I'M BACK !!!!!!!!#got a new brush . what do you think of it do you like it#okay i want to ramble about these wait a second#the first one looks a bit different to the rest because i was just trying new stuff .#if i spend a long time without drawing i'll forget how to draw and well it happened#i've changed my art style like 3 times now but i still draw side profiles the same . looks weird ugh#the mug says “ JESUS loves me BECAUSE no one else will ” btw . meta gave me the idea actually . thanks meta .#about the second one . finished that one like ten minutes ago . missed drawing todd aw#i just find their whole relationship so amusing .#like yes i went crazy for like a month and now i have a brother-husband and a kid ?!#they complement each other so well though . i love them#THE UNO ONE omg i've had that idea for like A YEAR NOW and i just drew it lol#i wonder how long it would take scriabin to notice though .#when i showed this to meta she said : “ oh wow !! edgar's finally winning at something !! ” and it's SO TRUE#wonder how he does it !#and the last one . i got the idea when i was looking through zarla's account searching for fan art .#love it so much though they look like their lives aren't a living hell#anyways i'll probably make more of these . who knows#going back to school on monday . and of course i had to get inspiration four days before going back .#please PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL . PL#okay byeee enjoy these . eat my starved followers . EAT !!!!!
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#mine#doctor who#dwedit#matt smith#karen gillan#hmm ok the colouring ended up similar to how i did it a few years ago#but i think i like my older one better#oh well!!#parent teacher conferences are happening this week... very tiring
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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max and i are closing in on launching [redacted sports rpf charity fest] and i am once again pondering how do i write "experience with writing form emails and manipulating google forms in ways no one has dreamed of" in a cover letter without saying "i did it for the rpf grind"...like there's no way unless everyone in this microsoft teams meeting gets really cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly. you know
#IT LITERALLY CAME UP WHILE I WAS WRITING A COVER LETTER A COUPLE WEEKS AGO#AND IT WAS SUCH A BAD COVER LETTER BC IT WAS LIKE. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN BE A VIRTUAL PROGRAMMING MANAGER#I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW I CAME BY THESE SKILLS!!!!#i did not get an interview lmao. but we stay silly#like how do u frame ''community organizer'' when you're organizing. people on the internet to create rpf fanworks. for charity#lmaooooo oh well#me and max locking down our timeline last night and i'm like 😶 the thing i have wanted to do for years is finally happening#the universe tried to smite us multiple times in multiple ways. but we persisted. and it is happening!!!#last night i had to go to the grocery store at 9pm wearing short-shorts and an oversized t-shirt bc i was really like#if i don't get a coke in me right the fuck now i am going to end it all#procured coca-cola. drank it in the parking lot. recovered instantly. got on here and started posting#went to monday night service. last one bc after this week it'll be too late at night in est :(#it was such a nice global community to be apart of. people in 5 countries on four continents showed up almost every week!#not to be christian on main. but i love working with ecumenical organizations because i meet people all over the world#who have different ways of doing church and different interpretations of scripture and different takes on faith#and i always learn so much from people! good and bad lol sometimes it's like wow i will NOT be integrating that into my worldview#yo just under one week until i move 😵💫 i decided i am packing one (1) more box and then saying fuck it we ball#whatever i forgot has to go in the car. i cannot let myself be owned by cardboard boxes any longer#and soon. freedom. new start. new beginnings. someone said ''i hope you look at this as a time of new growth and unfolding'' to me#and i went man. i think i am#like the pine trees that reseed after a forest fire#fresno oilers.txt
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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
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a koi pond for your dash:
❀ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ༄ ❀ 𓆝 𓆟 ༄ ❀ 𓆞 𓆝 ❀ ༄ ﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
#our pond thawed so i sat beside the water today and watched the fish#i wish everyone as beautiful and peaceful a moment as that today ♡#i dont have a koi pond btw judt a farm pond that a neighbor put goldish in like twenty years ago#they thrived tho and they're pretty like koi fish#im planning to add water lilies to it this year and maybe some other pretty ornamental plants around it idk#also a bench hopefully bc rn you have to sit in an uncomfy rock lol#anyway#still a nice place to hang out im just planning to make it nicer when i have the money for landscaping#im considering adding some actual koi to it bc i read they can coexist w goldfish really well bc they're both carp#but idk i assume they eat more so maybe they would outcompete the goldslfish#also they eat the baby goldfish so maybe not :(#they should crossbreed tho#i think#so maybe i'll just grt one or two koi and see what happens#anywayyy#they're so pretty and peaceful to watch 😌#my only complaint is its a bit of a hike to the pond#either like five minutes down a suuuuper steep hill or twice as long walking around the hill and back up by the road which is less steep#also you cant really see the pond from the house bc its far away and surrounded by dense brush#alas#these are good problems to have tho#and for safety reasons its good actually that the pond is far from the house and a bit annoying to get to#bc little kids could def have a terrible accident if it was just in the yard or something#bc its really deep#im not the best w these emojis but i wanted to make something cute
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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"Colton and Akiyama have a long and rich history, having worked together for Arasaka since their early twenties— Colton as director of the SERPENT projects and Head of Special Programs, and Akiyama as recruiter and quality control manager across all of the corporation's Night City facilities. The two disliked each other from the start and from an outsider's perspective only rarely saw eye to eye; but if anything their rivalry was a challenge, a way to keep each other sharp, and one of the only ways they could have some fun in the megacorporation's grasp. Years later, the two reunite at Club Bodytalk following the incident in spaceship Elysium and the fall of Cobra Cybernetics. Surrounded by the victims of the projects they once ran, their heads are forcibly turned into the direction of their past mistakes— their guilt connects them and it forges a bond of understanding they can't get with anyone else, and while they cannot erase their past they can ensure that no one else ever has to go through any of that again." ↳ andy belongs to @mojaves, template here [x]
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @roseeway, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree;
@kanos, @swordcoasts, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf
#cp2077#edit:kaida#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#sorry i'm bouncing around between five billion projects and interests right now so i go where the waves take me LMAO#the pictures aren't entirely accurate. kaida is also very good at pressing andy into a wall and making him moan like a girl#it's also funny that they're both part of the rest of the club bodytalk polycule but in VASTLY different directions#well. i'm saying that right now but that's not true. i'm lying sorry#because kaida also loves diving in bed with seb and hanan who are both also from xyr time at special programs#and andy has another boyfriend. beckett. who was a test subject at special programs many years ago#AND andy also kisses vitali from time to time. who used to bother him with a thousand and one emails back at arasaka on weekly basis#so basically if you've been an arasaka employee in any way in your life you're messy. is what i'm implying here#either way the dynamics between kaida and andy specifically make me so fucking insane they're so good. so so good#when they officially reunited at the club kaida punched andy on the nose threatened to kill him and then fucked him#while carving a heart on his chest with a knife no less. and then they both pretended nothing had happened for a good few months#while also hatefucking at any and every given opportunity. because. you guessed it. THEY'RE MESSY#i could go deeper [haha] into the themes and their arasaka crimes but i think it's funnier to explain all of this to you. it's funny#they used to get into car crashes with each other to get some time off from work
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I'm pretty suprise with 4.7 database, hoyo decided to sailing Sethos x Wanderer (additionaly HaiKaveh become more closer) and how heartwarming Sigewinne character story could be...
#genshin impact#clorinde#sethos#sigewinne#nothing unusual from clorinde so I can't say anything#while sethos morelike another pieces hoyo put for sumeru members#there's one info interesting enough to mention aside he's blend very well on sumeru members (lol)#in sethos character story there's line saying hat guy doing errands for example delivering a letter#now the question parts : whom nahida sent letter to that needs to be secret and fast ?#except his own people like alhaitam or cyno I only think one group#yes other archons#for what reasons ? i think it's same question as ei yae music event last scene convo#if in next one or two small event happens to be at liyue or mondstad means we need to read closely (lol)#for sigewinne side I very interest in her story quest#i expect things like neuvi story quest#but to my suprise nothing angst happened at sigewinne character story ?#overall it's so heartwarming#and additionaly just how airhead wrio can be (lol)#even from your childhood time he basically said “I hold you dear” sir#now it escalate into “I will do anything for you”#and about things with sethos line on haikaveh really funny#with how I perceive sethos normally it should be he tells us about kaveh being friends of tighnari cyno and he meets him at forest or alike#BUT sethos decided it's more memorable for them came as one and talks mundane things (lol)#it's like JUST HOW MANY TIMES he saw them together !?#it's so funny like wow what they become now from years ago (lol)
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