#as someone who will never be able to have children without IVF and needs birth control for non-pregnancy-prevention reasons

[cardsharksplayingames]

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[marmolady]

Livita: Part One

Remember this fic? I went to do a few edits on my old fic, ‘Livita’, and the whole thing ended up stretching to double the length of the original! It’s now been split into thirds, chronicling Taylor and Estela’s journey to motherhood. 

Book/Series: Endless Summer

Main Pairings: Estela x MC/Taylor (f)

Summary: Post-ending. Freed from Vaanu, Taylor has been building a life with her soulmate… but their family remains not quite complete. Read PART TWO.

Warnings: Coarse language.

Word Count: 4262

Reviews and reblogs are hugely appreciated!

Tagging: @sceptilemasterr​ @saivilo​ @greengroove​ @edgydepressedchoicesthot

La Huerta, June 2021

 Estela and Taylor had found their home. La Huerta had been their shelter, as it had been for Diego, and for Aleister and Grace, in a time when the wider world had been in turmoil. Some years ago, during the twelve Catalysts’ year of isolation at the end of the world, a small village had been built in the shadow of the great tree of Elyys’tel, and it was here that remained home for the small group. On La Huerta, Taylor and Estela had found their place in this world, together-- and it was there that they planned for their family’s next steps.

Taylor had invited Diego and Varyyn to join herself and Estela in the hot pools at the base of La Huerta’s snow-covered mountainous region. There were few places she knew more tranquil, more calming. She’d need that. What she and Estela were proposing was… monumental. There would be no resting until they bit the bullet and put it out there so… they would just have to take that leap.

That they’d grow their family together had always been a given, at least once it became certain that Taylor could remain with her loved ones on earth. They’d found their peace, and each had their home was in the arms of the other. The next step was the baby. Estela would carry the child; passing on a little piece of the mother who’d been so cruelly taken from her. Of course, it meant that the other grandparent would carry on through the bloodline as well… but having wrestled with it, Estela concluded that honouring Olivia Montoya was more important to her than eliminating Rourke. It was deemed the safer option; whatever Taylor was, she was not entirely human, and her reproductive capabilities and genetic contribution would be rather more of a gamble. If it came to it, they could try that path-- certainly Taylor liked the idea of being related to another person by blood-- but the simple truth was that Estela’s urge for that physical bond was far stronger.

Diego, they hoped, would be the donor-- and someday a doting tio. In Taylor’s eyes, he was ‘her side of the family’, a part of her being that she loved beyond measure. The thought of creating a person out of Diego and Estela, was just about the most beautiful thing Taylor could imagine. In every way, her family. She’d tried to remain detached and unemotional about the idea; there was no assuming that Diego would feel comfortable in being the donor in the first place-- family was a complicated thing for him, at she respected the hell out of that. But god, it was hard not to let her hopes rise.

The outing had been intended to be relaxed, but even as she soaked in the hot springs, Taylor couldn’t help but seek reassurance to soothe her near-constant attacks of nerves-- just a glance and Estela would give her a look, stoic and sure, and it was enough to get her through another few minutes of what was supposed to be easy; just hanging out with her best friend. Diego, of course, quickly became concerned. No fool, he could see something bubbling beneath the surface, clear as day.

“All right. Spill. Something’s driving you crazy right now.”

Taylor flushed-- though she was red enough from the steaming water that it made little difference to her complexion. “I’m fine. We just… want to talk to you about something. I figured if we just sat you down, all serious, you’d jump straight to ‘dear god, who’s died?’”

“Or… ‘dear god, is Estela an alien too?’”

Both girls laughed.

“I’m sure people have wondered that,” Estela said dryly.

Taylor took Diego’s hands, which helped to steady her own from shaking. Jesus, she just loved him so much. If this wasn’t what he wanted… of course, she’d respect that, but she was certain a little part of her heart would break.

“Tay, you’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. Get right into it, or you’ll just make yourself more nervous. “Well, you know that Estela and I have been thinking about having a baby together; we’ve been talking about it a lot, and we’re ready. We’re ready to grow our family… make it a little bigger. And… I really, really hoped… I…we wondered if you might like to be the donor for our baby.”

For a few moments, Diego was stunned into silence; his eyes widened as he swallowed what he’d just been told.

“You… want me to…?”

“You should both talk about it,” Estela said. “We know it’s pretty huge. I dunno… maybe you’d be like the baby’s extra special tio. Whatever you wanted the relationship to be.”

Diego hadn’t heard a whole lot of what he’d just been told. He was already falling weeping into Taylor’s arms. There was no question; no question at all. His mind flashed with an imagined future, of something closer to parenthood than he’d dare let his heart long for.

Taylor held him, blinking back tears-- a pointless endeavour. “I love you so much. It’s hard to imagine doing this without you being a big part of it. Whatever you choose, you’re gonna be our baby’s tio. But it would mean the world to me if….”

“This is the greatest honour,” Varyyn said softly, his own eyes misty.

Estela offered him a warm smile. “It means a lot to us both. Obviously, you’ll need to talk this all through-- we’re not expecting an answer right away. This is… a lot.”

“What sort of, uh, time-frame are we looking at?” Diego asked as he sat back next to Varyyn, who wiped away his tears.

“Soon,” Estela said resolutely. She glanced to Taylor, feeling the emotion just radiating off her. This meant the world to Taylor, as Diego did. “We’re both ready for this, it’s just-- if you want to do this-- how soon you’re comfortable. We know this might not happen quickly, so the sooner we can get things started…”

“...The sooner you can get through the rollercoaster of ‘trying’?”

“Yes.”

For a little while, Diego was quiet… stunned, he needed a few moments for his thoughts to catch up with his emotions. Having children was something he and Varyyn had discussed at great length, and the conclusion they’d always begrudgingly come to was that for the foreseeable future, their lives simply couldn’t accommodate that-- not in a way that would be fair to a child. Diego knew that he belonged on La Huerta, but that wasn’t the whole of his life; where his two worlds collided was a mess. There was still that lingering dream, but he knew better than to hang too tight to it. But… in Taylor in Estela’s child, he could have something beautiful; different but beautiful. Wasn’t that just the way his story was meant to be by now?

“Do you have, like, a plan worked out? I guess it’s pretty tough to travel for procedures right now….”

Taylor grinned. “Don’t I always have a plan?”

“Ha. You know I’d never doubt you.”

“Yeah, we want to stay on La Huerta if we can. Otherwise, we’d be able to get permits to go in and out of San Trobida. There’d be quarantine to deal with-- with the way things are in the States, they’re especially cautious about Americans-- but it wouldn’t be an insurmountable hurdle.”

“Have you worked out who you want to actually carry the baby?”

“Estela’s going to be the birth mother,” Taylor said, giving her wife a small smile and reaching to squeeze her fingers. It had been a tough one. She knew there was part of Estela that felt guilt over the decision they’d reached, but it was a decision they had come to together and Taylor would not let there be any doubt where she stood on the matter. “We talked about it a lot. A lot. Figuring out which oven we want to put the bun in was a huge decision, and there was so much to consider. You know how amazing it would be for me to have a blood tie with someone. I’ve longed for that. And I’ve mostly worked through it; I mean, I’m made up of my family-- of you especially. It’s who I am; it might not be about DNA, but it doesn’t mean it’s not as powerful. It’s… part of the reason why I wanted to ask you. In every way that matters to me, you represent my family.”

Again, Diego found himself choked up.

“And for Estela, it was a little different.”

Estela flushed a little, and averted Diego’s eye contact. This was so intensely personal. “If I could pass on a small piece of my mother… I don’t have anything more precious to give my baby. She would have wanted to give my baby everything. This will have to be enough.” She gathered herself, looking back to offer Diego an awkward smile as he gave her a knowing nod. “I was uneasy about what else I would be passing on, but it’s a connection to Aleister and Grace, and maybe cousins someday.”

“We did consider partner IVF,” Taylor said. “That’s where we take the embryo from one mother and implant it in the uterus of the other, but it felt like… a lot. I don’t have a big attachment to the idea of pregnancy-- definitely not as much as ‘Stel does-- and it sounded like a whole lot of intervention. Nothing about my life has been straight-forward, you know? So I got really invested in the idea of doing this as naturally as possible. Just us, at home, building our family together. I know it’s asking a lot as a same-sex couple, but I’d much rather this didn’t have to become something clinical-- not unless it turns out we can’t get pregnant a simpler way.”

Diego swallowed past the hard lump in his throat. He would represent Taylor’s family. He would be a father figure, an honour bestowed by someone who actually saw him and loved him for it all. And he was going to love his best friend’s baby with every fibre of his being.

Concerned, Taylor rushed to reassure. “Just-- take your time, okay? I know this is huge--”

“No,” Varyyn said firmly, and he gave Diego a subtle nod. He knew his husband; he knew that look on his face, that sweet certainty. He’d seen that smile after he’d asked of Diego a very important question one Niala’rei several years ago.

Diego took Taylor’s hand in one of his, and Estela’s in the other… and breathed deep. “Of course-- of course, I’ll do it. More than anything in the world, I want to do this for you.”

The air filled with joyous squeals and the splash of water as the group erupted into embraces and a few more tears. Sandwiched between the two people she loved more than anything else in all the world, Taylor knew that together, they could make this happen.

  __________________________

 August 2022

 Taylor’s heart sank as she looked at the result. Negative. Again.

Estela sighed and looked away. Again, no baby. Even knowing she could have done nothing more, it felt as though she’d let Taylor down when it really mattered. She’d promised her a family. And for herself…. Everything she’d ever wanted… her deepest desire… it was so close, only for them to be repeatedly smacked down by some invisible barrier.

“We’ll try again,” said Taylor quietly, trying to and failing to sound like someone who hadn’t just been crushed. “This is gonna happen for us, okay?”

Despairing, Estela threw her head back, fighting, fighting against the tears that so wanted to come. For several long minutes she wrestled with herself, with the torrent of emotion, before turning back to her wife. Her voice shook when she spoke. “Maybe… maybe we should try with you… it’s not as if I’m not made up of a load of shit that we shouldn’t really want to pass on to an innocent child. I’ve been selfish.”

“First of all; no. Not only are you not remotely a selfish person, you are freaking perfect… to me, you are perfect. Nothing you could give our baby could be anything but that. I love you. And I know how much you want this. I want it to be you. I want us to keep trying.”

Walking away, Estela could feel guilt clawing at her stomach. Of course she wanted to be the one to carry the baby, but if things kept up like this, there wouldn’t be a baby to carry. She sighed again, heavier, and curled up on the couch, knees against her chest. “Taylor, it’s been over a year…”

“We could see another doctor? But I trust what they said; everything’s working fine, it’s just not necessarily gonna happen overnight. I honestly think we’ve just been unlucky so far. And… and maybe it’s taken us a while to get our turkey-baster technique down.” Taylor sat down beside her wife and began massaging her back, feeling tension in every muscle. So much stress. “I know we wanted to do this at home, but we could consider intra-uterine, or even IVF. How about we give it one more month, and then start seriously looking at other options?”

For a long while, Estela said nothing, staring into space as she tried to process the aching disappointment. When she zoned back into reality, Taylor was still there, kneading her back. Another month… that was reasonable.

Taylor eased down the back of Estela’s shirt and pressed kisses between her shoulders. “I know how much you’re hurting right now… I’m feeling it too. Someday soon, we’ll hardly remember this; we’ll be too busy wading through diapers and trying to get a wink of sleep. But for now, I think it’s a comfort food under a blanket situation. We’ll just snuggle up in a love cocoon until whenever it is that we’re ready to put on brave faces.”

They cuddled beneath a blanket on the couch, grateful to have nothing pressing to do nor any people to see.  So much thought, so many long nights of discussion had gotten them to the point of trying, but all the rationale, the planning… all of it mattered little if it just didn’t happen for them. In the end, how it happened wasn’t important; they just needed their family.

The disappointment was not getting any easier, month after month, even as it became expected. They now knew better than to get their hopes up too high. Once again, Taylor would go back to Diego to ask for his help… another round of ‘I’m sorry’s and hugs of consolation, while Estela would back into herself, becoming quiet and reclusive until the pain of the blow dulled. The days, then weeks, would pass, and the couple’s optimism would return as it always did. Together they’d literally undone an apocalypse; so long as they had one another’s hands to hold, they’d soldier through anything.

Estela let herself be held, the touch of her lover offering the only comfort strong enough to keep her from going under. It had been so long now. Doubts, once trifling, became magnified until they were near suffocating. She had gazed upon her reflection in their full-length mirror, taking the time to contemplate while Taylor’s voice floated up from downstairs as she’d filled Diego in with another crushing update. What Estela had seen there was not a nurturer, but a fighter. Her physique, though not perfectly toned as it had once been, was still not exactly cuddly. And the scars… god, there were so many. Wounds from knives, a sword… a freaking dinosaur… her body was just a painting of violence. And that was just the damage that could be seen; far more, far deeper were the scars to her heart and soul. What harm could someone like that do to an innocent baby? Perhaps nature was simply preventing a great cruelty….

“Hey?” Taylor whispered. A quiet grunt was all the reply she received, but Estela looked up, meeting her eyes. “Everything that you are is what’s going to make you a wonderful mom. One of the things… one of the things I’ve been most excited for is just, like… our baby’s gonna say something, do something, and I’ll be like ‘whoa, that’s an Estela thing’. There’s no one else I could even imagine doing this with.”

With a small sob, Estela held Taylor tighter.

“It’s the pain talking, okay? This isn’t anything rational. And I honestly believe this is who you’re meant to be. The first time you held Reggie, I was on the verge of crying because of how right it just was. You held him like you’d never let him fall. Everything you’ve been through has only made you love even harder. And it’s gonna happen; I swear it’s gonna happen… you are going to be such a good mom.”

Estela gently caressed Taylor’s lips with her own, tasting the salt of tears. For her, she’d be strong; it was what she’d always done. It was impossible to be broken for long whilst held in Taylor’s heart and embrace. She could cut through the doubts, just enough to take another step forward.

“Next time…” she said softly.

Taylor nodded and returned the kiss. God, I love you…

“…Next time….”

  __________________________

September 2022

 Pausing her frenzied scribbling of notes, Taylor pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. From her position cross-legged on the couch in their La Huerta home, she heard the creak of the front door.

“You’re home late,” she said, still poring over her notes. “Reggie holding you hostage again?”

Estela draped her arms over Taylor’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “Yeah, something like that.”

Taylor couldn’t help but laugh. “I think a part of you is kinda flattered that you can’t give the kid to someone else without him dissolving into banshee screams…”

“He knows his tia.” Pausing for a moment, Estela waged a silent debate in her head before making up her mind for sure. “Taylor, I want to take the test…”

Taylor looked up. Spending so much time with their nephew had only heightened Estela’s want for a baby. The both of them adored Reginald; most days they saw him, cuddled him, loved him, effortlessly coming into their roles as aunts. But the presence of Aleister and Grace’s bright-eyed baby boy served to highlight exactly what they were missing. “I know. But if you wait a couple more days, it’ll be more accurate. This whole thing is tough enough without worrying about false negatives.”

Estela sat down opposite Taylor, reaching out for her hands. “I’ve just got a feeling, you know? I feel different.” She took her wife’s hand, and tucked it into her bra. “That’s swollen, right?”

“Possibly? But it’s early, sweetheart. I don’t want you getting carried away with something that might not exist.” Of course, it was easy to see signs when it was wanted so much. Between hanging around Reggie all day, and an upcoming journey back to San Trobida in a few days, the yearning was running wild. It was only natural that Estela wanted to greet her tio with the news that she was expecting, but Taylor feared another disappointment. She stroked Estela’s breast, while her other hand lovingly cupped her face. “You know that even if you are pregnant, it probably won’t show up yet?”

“I know that. I’ll do it again in a few days… I just don’t think I can rest without trying.”

“Okay… but don’t get your hopes up. Do you want me with you?”

Estela shook her head. “It’s all right. Like you said, it’s probably too early to work. I’m just trying to settle the voice in my head.” As she moved to leave, Taylor hugged her tight.

“Love you…”

“Love you.”

Taylor looked back to her notes. Their return to San Trobida would be momentous for her; starting up a much-needed youth counselling service in the area surrounding Estela’s home. It was what she’d studied for, and it was with nervous excitement that she jotted down ideas and sketched out plans. With the grants and scholarships that the Aleister and Estela’s inherited company had to offer, there was the feeling that they might be able to make a real difference in giving the children of the civil war hope for the future. The central inspiration to their work was, of course, Estela’s mother. Each award given out to a student was gifted in her name; it provided a small comfort that Dr. Olivia Montoya’s legacy was one of a promise for a better tomorrow. Taylor found herself distracted. They had fulfillment in one another, in the work they were doing… but the picture remained incomplete. The quiet having lingered for too long, Taylor got to her feet, putting her notes aside.

“Estela? Is everything all right?”

No response. Becoming worried, Taylor started towards the bathroom, expecting that she’d need to break out the emergency cheering-up ice cream, as had been a monthly occurrence since they’d started trying for a baby. She knew she’d been right. It had been foolish to cause such distress when another test would need to be taken a few days later anyway.

She tentatively pushed the door. “’Stel? I’m here…”

Estela was sat trembling on the tiled floor, her eyes wide and wet with tears, seemingly unable to look away from the test stick she held in her hand. Several others lay at her feet.

“…Taylor… I’m…” In her daze, she couldn’t even get the words out.

Tears sprung to Taylor’s eyes and her hand to her mouth. Surely… surely it couldn’t be what she thought it was? But then, that smile… that smile… it said it all.

“Wh-what are you… what are you saying?”

“We’re… we’re having a baby…”

Without knowing how she got there, Taylor was on the floor, Estela’s arms around her as they cried, and laughed, and kissed.

We’re having a baby.

[addictivegerard]

why the prolife argument makes no sense

I think it’s hilarious how right wing “facts don’t care about your feelings” activists are almost always pro-life. The argument against abortion as an accessible form of birth control is 100% an emotional appeal, and here’s why:

1. “You have no right to kill your fetus. It’s not your body, the baby is an individual and has the right to life.”: 

Of course, all embryos are human individuals, separate from their mothers. They have their own unique DNA composition, and are definitely alive. But do they deserve the right to life, which would make abortion equivalent to murder?

Pro-lifers are largely okay with IVF, an industry that throws away and destroys millions of fertilized embryos every day. In-vitro fertilization is an uncertain science, so couples are advised to fertilize multiple eggs in the labs in case the first few don’t work out. If a couple succeeds and have extra embryos left, they have the option to continue paying to store them in the lab, donate them to medical research, or destroy them. 

Anti-abortion bills always have exceptions for IVF clinics. Republican, pro-life lawmakers have literally had children via IVF. If a pro-lifer ever tells you that life begins at conception and that every embryo has the right to life, know that it’s bullshit. They don’t care about an industry that kills more embryos in a day than Planned Parenthood does in a year.

2. There are two possible responses to this.

A) “Fine, let’s ban IVF.” Out of all the conservative groups in America, only one major group explicitly stands against IVF – the Catholic Church. The same organization that condemns sex before marriage, homosexuality, divorce, masturbation/porn, the use of condoms, getting drunk or high, and tattoos. At this point, I’m assuming you understand that the Church’s ideas of morality are regressive, illogical, primitive, and… make life extremely boring. IVF is a wonderful science that brings children to parents who want them all over the world and is in no way a bad thing.

B) “Fine. Maybe not at conception, but at [x] months, it’s a baby.” This is the point where most conservatives start arguing about the point up till you should be allowed to have an abortion. Two weeks? Six weeks? Three months? Unfortunately, there is no scientific way to determine when an embryo is no longer just a clump of cells and now a human being with rights.

Since pro-lifers are okay with IVF, we can assume they don’t believe in the right to life at conception. How about the heartbeat theory? At six weeks, the fetus develops a heartbeat, and proponents argue that it is the point at which the fetus is no longer simply a fetus, but a human being. However, having a heartbeat doesn’t necessarily mean you have the right to life.

Legally, if you are brain dead, you’re… dead. You no longer have the right to life, which is why organ donation is possible. All this while having a heartbeat, so that’s clearly not a viable hallmark of an individual that inherently has the right to life. So while it's true that at six weeks a baby develops (what is flimsily termed as) a heartbeat, that doesn't somehow give it rights to life that it did not have before. So far, I haven’t come across any other sensible theories as to “when” an embryo deserves the right to life. It’s a lousy concept to begin with, as blurry as the legal definition of adulthood – not all 18+ year olds are mature and nothing fundamentally changes in a person once the clock strikes midnight. Similarly, embryo development is a process. There’s really no point at which you can logically claim it’s transformed into a human being with rights.

3. Evidently, there are two extremes — life begins at conception, vs life doesn’t begin until birth. 

There’s no “scientific backing” for a point in between, but you’ll never find a pro-choice advocate arguing in favor of the latter, because it’s called an extreme for a reason. The best way to deal with the abortion issue at this point is to leave the science and technicalities alone, and think about the people who are actually getting abortions.

4. “Use protection and you won’t get pregnant”: 

Protection is never 100% reliable. Plus: if two people are irresponsible enough to have unprotected sex, what makes you think they’re responsible enough to have and raise children? The number of children growing up with unqualified, immature, abusive, or neglectful parents automatically disproves the theory that parenthood brings about a sense of personal responsibility. Being raised by bad parents inflicts often irreparable damage on children. Treating babies as some sort of “divine punishment” for irresponsible sex, instead of human beings who deserve a stable upbringing, is harmful on both an individual and collective scale. The data on irresponsible, neglectful, or abusive childhoods/single parent childhoods speaks for itself. In the quest to punish irresponsible parents, most of the damage is inflicted on their children, which in turn impacts the generation that will lead us forward into the future. It is in our best interests to raise as many mature, healthy, and productive young adults as possible, and while not every child born into these circumstances live lives of mental health/psychological/intimacy issues and criminal behavior, a large majority do. Growing up with bad parents is simply not ideal for an impressionable child’s wellbeing. Quality of life > quantity of life.

5. “Don’t have sex if you don’t want to have children.”:

Unhelpful, unrealistic, and telling of no real desire to solve the problem at hand. Telling people not to have sex unless they deliberately intend to have children is like telling people not to smoke, drink too much, or eat unhealthily. People will have sex. What are we going to do to make sure the sex doesn’t lead to unplanned pregnancies?

6. “Okay but what about xyz who had an abortion and has regretted it ever since?”: 

Abortion is a result of unplanned and unfortunate circumstances. Whether it’s because the doctor tells you your baby will be stillborn or born with a fatal illness, or if you were raped, or if you had sex with your boyfriend during your first year of college and found yourself pregnant: these are bad situations, and no matter what you do, there’s always a chance you’ll look back and wish you’d done things differently. Kept the baby? Well, maybe you’ll find that the baby brought newfound purpose to your life. But maybe the baby added an additional financial strain to your life and forced you to quit your job, leaving you destitute and homeless with no way to feed it. Alternatively, if you got an abortion, maybe you end up being able to finish college and fulfil all your goals... or maybe you regret that decision for the rest of your life. There’s no way to guarantee that you’re making the right decision, but being informed about your options, and having options available, makes it more likely that you do. That’s why we are advocating for informed choice. Whether they eventually choose to keep the baby or have an abortion, give women the time and resources to truly evaluate their options and do what’s best for them in their own circumstances.

7. “Why kill the baby? Put it up for adoption.”: 

The adoption system is known for being isolating, exploitative, and unhealthy for children growing up in it. Being adopted into a great family can create healthy, happy young adults. But far too many kids don’t get that opportunity, and pay the price for it. In 2019, 122,216 children in the US adoption system were waiting to be adopted. Young people who age-out of the foster care system without being adopted are over-represented in rates of incarceration, suicide and substance abuse.

Granted, for some kids it’s a better alternative to the families they would have grew up in, but again: it’s an unideal situation. An unideal situation that can very easily be avoided with abortion. Why would a person choose 9 months of labor, plus all the emotional labor of having to give your child away to a system that more likely than not will eat them alive, knowing they will grow up asking themselves why they weren’t good enough for their birth parents, when the person could… simply not have that baby and not invite all that pain?

8. “It doesn’t matter, no one has the right to take another life.”:

Here’s another way of looking at the abortion question: the fetus is in a position where its existence impinges on its mother’s bodily integrity, and it stays in that position until the point of viability (at which it could plausibly survive outside the mother’s body) at about 24 weeks. One person’s bodily integrity will always override another person’s right to life; this is a fundamental truth. Otherwise, we would have mandatory kidney and liver donations. People all over the world are dying due to a lack of kidneys or other organs - why should we be allowed to keep both of ours when one of them could save someone’s life? 

Let’s say I caused a car accident that resulted in someone needing a kidney donation. It’s my fault they’re in that position, and I was negligent - should I be legally obligated to give mine up?

If the idea of being forced to donate one of your kidneys sounds violating, you’re closer to understanding why forcing someone to have a baby is such a barbaric thing to do. Even if the risk is small - kidney donations have a death rate of about 0.03% while childbirth is at 0.02% in the US - it’s still wrong to force something so invasive and risky onto someone against their will. Additionally, there are many complications that can arise from pregnancy short of death, just like there can be consequences to living your life with only one kidney down the line.

To summarize:

It is definitively not in anyone’s best interests to force unwilling and unprepared parents to have an unwanted child. It’s also not a good idea to get too deep into the technicalities of when an embryo is a fetus or when you’re allowed or not allowed to abort it. We need to focus on the women who are actually getting abortions. Having a baby is a huge life adjustment. Keep it, and you’re taking on an 18-year responsibility. You are responsible for another person’s wellbeing, and your life will never be the same. 

In three months (about 12 weeks), a potential mother can: find out that they’re pregnant (missing periods is extremely common. A lot of women only find out they’re pregnant at two months, or 8 weeks), think about their financial, professional, social, romantic, or whatever situation and figure out what would be the best course of action, and then actually get the abortion if she chooses to. 12 weeks is enough, 12 weeks is reasonable, 12 weeks is humane. Nobody wants third-trimester abortions unless there are serious, life threatening complications.

The pro-life argument is reduced down to: well, abortion is bad! That's a little innocent baby. It didn't hurt anyone. Well, we agree: abortion is bad. It’s not a good thing, it’s not something people want to have to do. Nobody looks forward to giving or receiving an abortion, it’s physically painful and often heart-breaking. But is it as bad as forcing a woman to go through hours of excruciating, potentially life-threatening labor for a child she doesn't even want to have? Is it as bad as enforcing serious health, financial, emotional, social, and professional risks on a woman who knows she is in no way ready to give a baby the life it deserves? Is it worse than having to drop out of school with no way to feed your child? Worse than having to give your baby away to an adoption center, where they’re likely to join the hundreds of thousands of unadopted children? There are evils, and then there are greater evils. Abortion may not be ideal, but for some people, it's the best option out there. When broken down, the pro-life argument is nothing but sad, provocative videos & descriptions of surgical abortions intended to pull at your heartstrings. But they’re sometimes the best option for the mother and her unborn baby. Nobody is pro-abortion — we’re pro-choice.

[catalinaroleplay]

Gender & Pronouns: Female, she/her

Date of Birth: April 20th, 1989 (30)

Place of Birth: Los Angeles, California.

Neighborhood: Lafayette Square

Length of Residency: All her life.

Occupation: Owner of Little Sprout Studio

Face Claim: Shay Mitchell

BIOGRAPHY

TRIGGERS: BRCA Gene, IVF, Early Dementia. 

The Santos family never lived extravagantly. In fact, most of the time Carlo and Analyn Bautista lived paycheck to paycheck. Praying to god that they could pay their rent and bills each month and still have enough left over to buy their newborn daughter Mahalia the things she needed. Things such as food, diapers, and clothes. Money was always tight and the self-sacrificing first-generation immigrants from the Philippines often skipped out on buying things they needed or wanted in order to provide for Mahalia. Analyn worked three full-time jobs while her husband Carlo juggled being a full-time law student with a demanding job at an industrial factory. With finances constantly tight around home Mahalia was made aware at a very young age to never ask for frivolous things. While most kids begged for candy at the grocery store or threw temper tantrums when a certain toy wasn’t underneath the tree at Christmastime Mahalia learned to be grateful for what she did have rather than focus on what she did not. Her formative years were spent finding entertainment in the little things. She didn’t have many toys but created her own fun by helping her mother cut coupons or making a game out of helping her father study with his flashcards. What Mahalia enjoyed the most however was using his old forgotten notebooks lying around their apartment to create her own worlds with misspelled words and vividly colored drawings. A hobby her mother encouraged by buying books for her daughter whenever she could. Together, whenever Analyn had a free moment, they would read until the world around them disappeared. If Mahalia inherited her intelligence from her father then she had gotten her mother’s love of literature.

She used to daydream about one day becoming a writer but that all changed one fateful day. She was ten when she returned home to find her mother a weeping mess on the floor. The family’s corded phone clutched between white-knuckled fingers. Two weeks before he was due to graduate from law school and begin a job at an up and coming law firm Carlo Bautista had been shot at a convenience store near his campus in a robbery gone wrong. Thus changing the entire course of Mahalia’s life. From that moment on, she abandoned her dreams of writing for law instead. Wanting to accomplish what her father never got the chance to. It was that path that ultimately led her to Elijah Lyon’s Intro to Law class at the University of Southern California. Nineteen, wide-eyed, and passionate about what was being taught, she quickly became one of Elijah’s favorite students. Even after leaving his class she would often show up at his office hours to catch up, ask for advice, or pick his brain on various other topics. So two semesters later when she showed up at his office after summer break visibly pregnant and clearly distraught he hadn’t thought twice about helping her. Mahalia refused to disclose to him who the father was but she had made it clear that she didn’t plan on keeping the children. Twins, both girls according to her OBGYN. When Elijah suggested they start looking into adoption companies to help her find the perfect home she insisted that she already knew of a perfect home for her children, his. Unbeknownst to him, Mahalia had heard through the grapevine that Elijah and his husband were put on a waiting list for adoption and had been on said list for a while.

Having witnessed their kindness for herself she couldn’t think of anyone else she would have rather raised the children she herself could not. Seven months later she gave birth in a hospital holding the hands of the two men who would cherish her twin daughters as their own. Her only request was that they waited until she wasn’t around to name the children. As sure of her decision as she felt it had still been hard for her to leave behind the two bundles of joy and she didn’t want to make it any harder by growing attached. Even upon the two men’s insistence that she could still be a part of her children’s lives she refused. So much so that without even telling Elijah in advance Mahalia left USC and California altogether, leaving neither of them anyway to contact her even if they wanted to. In honor of the brave strong young woman who had gifted them the existence of their daughters, they named them Dahlia and Magnolia. Giving them each a piece of their mother’s name. The two girls grew up in a home full of unconditional love and support. While they may not have had as much as their more financially privileged friends they had each other and two fathers who would move heaven and earth for them and at the end of the day that fact alone with enough.

As a child, Dahlia was often referenced as a wallflower to anyone who was asked to describe her. It wasn’t anything unusual. From a young age, she was known as the altruistic, tender, infrequent in her wailing, whilst caring about others even as an infant in comparison to her counterpart, Magnolia. Many referenced her as the butterfly. Or even, more recently as people caught the awareness of her name ─ the colorful, tuberous flower that graced lives from midsummer and autumn ─ knew her name suited her to perfection. Still, as the sisters were growing up together, watching her older twin by less than a minute, Dahlia appreciated Magnolia always taking center stage for the both of them, salvaging the hushed identical from any state of trepidation. It never caused any burden or competition between the girls. Instead, it brought continual and endless amounts of support at any life endeavor her sister decided to fancy even if it lasted for a week. First, it was gymnastic, then it was the attempt of soccer, and the list continued as time ticked on. She couldn’t quite understand but it would be like this for Magnolia for the rest of her life. An unexpected love for soccer caused Dahlia to commit to it. It was everything unlikely for her. It was the first time when she shined into a brand new light being the center stage on the field ─ which was the only thing she wanted to shine in. The aggressive vitality she brought onto the soccer field at the age of five was something uncommon for the tender natured twin. It was in a way therapeutic and life-changing. It would be the start of a beautiful future ahead of her. It encourages her to further chase forward with her dreams instead of being a coward, hiding in the distance as others enjoyed themselves.

Confidence was always a fleeting state of coming and going for her. As she loved her sister and always would. Sometimes, Dahlia often wished during the years of puberty she could grow into her beauty and all of the awareness from the boys like her sister, who absorbed the attention so effortlessly. There was no denying Dahlia had boyfriends in high school. A total of two serious relationships throughout those four years. One that started in her sophomore year ending the same school year. The pairing were opposites, but they made the effort. Going to homecoming and Sadie Hawkins together, both parties decided toward the end of their sophomore education they were better off as friends. No hard feelings, they are mutual pages. Yet, as Junior year started, attending homecoming by herself, a week afterward, a new love story with Justin Hartfield would consume her life. This was her High School sweetheart. The first love that defined all of her future lovers to come. It was awe-inspiring. It was heartbreaking. It was complicated. It was far from easy. It consumed her. And other days, the girl was full of hatred and wanted nothing of this relationship. He tested her. She tested him. It was your typical high school relationship. They were younger and helplessly in love ─ believing what they were currently going through was due to their face and preparing for their future and all of that was true. It was a year and a half of her life that taught her lessons that other life experiences couldn’t. While the pairing was far from compatible, both of them were each other’s biggest supporters. Justin was the first person, besides her sister and father, who were the first people to know about acceptance into Yale University with a full academic and soccer scholarship. It was a period of her life that she would never take back.

Yale University. It was a literal dream come true. The first moment when Dahlia stepped into kindergarten, the stygian tressed female’s dream of attending Yale University was etched into her conscience. To be on the preeminent behavior. To have her grades reflect all of the diligent years where she favored studying over to a party. All of her priorities were set in stone from a young age. It was her moral compass to become someone. If it weren’t for both of her father, Elijah, and William, instilling this mindset in both of their twins, the dream she had wouldn’t have become an actual dream. As the exhilaration of emotions consumed her, a moment of anxiousness lingered upon her mind. She didn’t necessarily know what she wanted to do for her future. All of the years of her studying distracted her from dreaming and imagining what kind of degree she could achieve. It was all about the grades. It was all about being able to tell everyone in the future that she ended Yale University, only to not know what was ahead of her and what she was going to study. It made her instantly feel anxious and doubtful if she should even attend Yale with little idea. It was when both of her fathers sat her down and gave her a stern talk about how it wasn’t uncommon for incoming students to be unaware of what they wanted to do. If anything, it was expected because this was a new chapter of adulthood away from the confines of their parent's grip. It made sense. It affirmed her to the utmost capacity. It was her father’s encouragement to not think about going in undecided and finally give a response. In the fall of 2008, Dahlia Marie Lyon would attend Yale University. 

Getting out of the confines of Catalina Island, California, and moving to New Haven, Connecticut was a garden-fresh, yet substantial in comparison to the hometown residency of the isle off the coast of Los Angeles. In awe at the thought of her being able to experience seasons ─ something she had never endured, even though the winters in Catalina were frigid but snow, man, this was an out of body experience. The youngest twin would get to see the seasons change all around her whilst further growing out of her shell and finding a future of her own. At the beginning of her Freshman year, for nearly two months, it was a period where she returned to doubting her ability to being away from home and as a future graduate from Yale University. The majority of her evenings, long after her roommate disappeared and the silence fluttered over Dahlia, a long-distance call would ring in the Lyon residency, only for whoever decided to pick it up would hear a wailing voice from the other side of the phone. It had never been something Dahlia intended to do. It was all of the comfort and her familiarity ─ her magnificent sister was spending moments with her nephew. Milo Park. Only to find out over one of the wailing calls which only increased into a mirth state, on top it further caused her to miss her family. The small, knit tight-family back on the isle was living and growing. There were monumental moments being missed. The people she couldn’t hug at any and every moment possible few numerous planes rides away. It was a period where she doubted herself once again. Yet, further adjusting to the swing and atmosphere amongst her, the friendships flourished from her soccer teammates and having multiple classes with a few people who lived on the same floor. It took time, but all in the end, the adjustment, and the wailing were soon replaced with illumination darting off the tip of Dahlia’s tongue. Everyone, especially her grandmother living in Crema; who heard about her granddaughter's fears, was relieved by the turn of her outlook. Slowly, but surely, it helped her grow out of a face of radical fear, considering as the future years of her life would only bring her further complications. 

In the course of her prior-year of the university, the confidence within the female grew even further and transpired into her second year of university with grace. After spending the first year of university as an undecided major, a clarity happened after spending a summer volunteer at the local hospital on top of working at her father’s restaurant, she decided a future in the field of health science. An idea, once finishing her undergraduate, instead of committing all of the way to become a Doctor, but to become a Physician's Assistant which would cause her to get her Master’s. There was finally a plan set forth. As well as the decision of her major and the entirety of her future, the stygian tressed female found two other girls in opposite fields but united together by a singular Female Studies course. It was an instant connection with the girls. It was from that point on, the girls would refer to themselves as  ─ The Yale Crew. If it hadn’t been for Yale University bringing them together, there would be no other possibility for the crew of ladies to take over the world one day at a time. The beginning of her college education was rocky, but after time and having all of the patience, everything began to finally make sense. It would be the best remaining three years of her undergraduate education. Things finally made sense. About freaking time. 

Graduating with her undergraduate in Health Science. In the early stages of her master's program for becoming a Physicians Assistant, Dahlia was effortlessly on cloud nine. What could go wrong? Well, plenty of things. One of her close girls, also known as The Yale Crew, became frightened by the fear of potentially having the BRCA Gene ─ that have been found to impact a person’s chance of developing breast cancer or ovarian cancer, after taking a course for her graduate program and the topic hit through the class only to silence everyone at the actuality of those suffering with this mutation. It was an increased risk for those who end up getting tested to find out they have this mutation. The supportive set of friends decided on a Friday afternoon to go to the local clinic to get tested  ─ all three of them. It had been a promise from the first months of them being together that no one would ever suffer alone. Hand in hand, the three entered a weekend full of anxious worries, only for their eternal world to change on the Monday morning as Dahlia received a phone call politely asking her to return back to the clinic. Whereas her girls didn’t receive a phone call, the spike of anxiety took over her. All of the girls in their uniformed promises rescheduled their day to be there for Dahlia. It was the longest, yet nerve-wracking experience while the trio sat in the office patiently awaiting the purpose of their reason for being there. The already dwindling state of emotions simply hit rock bottom as information about Dahlia having the BRCA gene from the line of genetics ─ her mother, a fleeting surrogate. 

The news immediately shaped her entire world. It was the last portion of her academic semester in completing her Masters for Physicians Assistant. Even with the rattling state of her conscience and the reality, along with potential, of her future life and conditions, she pushed through the last of her coursework to earn her degree before making an instant pit stop in her isle of Catalina Island, California to inform her family upon the news before taking it upon herself to make the most of the plans of her future by going off on an adventure of a lifetime ─ traveling still she couldn’t no more. It started off with Crema, Italy, taking the time to visit her grandmother, who welcomed her granddaughter with wide arms, cradling her and nearly suffocating her to death. It was the comfort, yet guidance from her family, in the obstacle of taking the measures of her life in the palm of her hands by living it to the fullest and holding nothing back. To finally enjoy and to not fester over everything on second thought. This was precisely what she did as the adventure took over her. Traveling across the world ─ Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, and so forth. Left and right, over the course of a year and a half, she took the world over by storm by taking the time out of her travels to start post videos of her adventures for her family and close friends. Little did she expect the popularity of her travels causing her to boost into YouTube stardom, as the community of her followers calling themselves ─ Dahlianators. It was just a memory she documented for a few, but magnificent reasons, for moments to reflect on in the past when and if the ability of her traveling was an out of this question possibility. It was right there, and then when she festered in the moment of success and increasing stardom while ticking another place off her ‘Places to Visit’ list. 

The universe was against her at any moment of merriment, Dahlia decided then and there. Receiving a phone call from her sister about the startling news of their father’s early dementia caused the twin to pack her belongings and purchase a one-way ticket to Los Angeles International Airport before hopping onto a ferry to return back to the isle of her home, Catalina Island. The travel bug had vanished away from her. It was time to focus upon the reality ahead of her ─ her father and what she was going to do with her life. Having no desire to put her Yale degrees to use, the women instead decided to take up a position at a local yoga studio in Catalina, run by an older lady, named Betsy, who had been in the business industry for the past twenty years and was proceeding on flourishing. The dynamic between the pairing was instant. Betsy reminded Dahlia of her grandmother, who was living in Crema, Italy, at the moment and had been ever since she was a young girl. Anytime Betsy wanted to step away or didn’t want to be at the studio any moment longer, Dahlia offered to close the studio down for the evening or offer to get up early in the morning to prepare for the day. It took immense measures to be responsible but it was suited ideally for her. Putting the energy and passion into her classes, one evening Betsy had approached the twin and offered to put the title and ownership of the studio in Dahlia’s name, especially since Betsy believed her time as a business owner had come to an end. The future of the studio would be in rightful hands.

Since having the ownership of the studio for two years, Dahlia worked feverishly to remodel the establishment to make it a heaven of her own ─ Little Sprout Studio. It was her first baby, but not only her last, hoping for a new addition in due time. The moment when life finally decided to be on her side, along with the experience of growing up and living life to the fullest, another decision of her future had finally hit her. She wanted to have a child. Even if she were to be a single mother, the woman would be marvelous at it because she was no longer thrashing. The stygian tressed woman was finally living without a single fear. At thirty, the idea of having children five years in the past frightened her, but now with the state of her life and the accomplishments left and right, doing this only seemed right because everything was starting to make sense for once. It was an adventure but it would be something she’d take in the palm of her hand and run with it. The process of IVF wouldn’t know what was coming for it. Dahlia was ready. 

TRAITS

Positive: -- | -- | --

Negative: Anxious | -- | --

Dahlia Lyon is portrayed by Steph.

[cristinablackthornkingson]

Shadowhunters Short Story #48. Teenage Haline babies.

It is a mild spring morning in May of 228 and The Los Angeles Institute is filled with the sound of arguing. Helen and Aline are sitting at the kitchen table with Emma and Julian who have come to visit, paying hardly any attention to the shouting and screaming. Their two children, Ivy and Andrew are always fighting and bickering, just as Helen and her siblings fought when they were younger. Ivy is the elder by 2 years, she is Helen’s biological daughter, 16 years ago she was conceived via IVF. Andrew is 14 and was adopted at birth

. Despite their fighting, Andrew and Ivy are actually very close and protective of one another, though Ivy will torture her brother, the minute she sees someone else picking on him, she will fly into defensive older sister mode, just like Helen.

Last night after Ivy and Andrew had gone to bed, Emma and Julian had called around to visit and ended up staying the night. They have two children themselves, Eleanor and Jonathan who are just a few years younger than Ivy and Andrew, and Emma is currently pregnant with their third child. 

“Do they always fight like this?” Emma asks in an amused tone, shifting in her seat. Eleanor and Jonathan fought sometimes but not very much, usually their arguments were just Eleanor shouting at her brother to stop following her everywhere. Ever since he was born 10 years ago, Jonathan has clung to his sister and followed her everywhere. At first Eleanor didn’t mind, but now that she’s getting older and growing up, she finds it annoying and embarrassing, Emma and Julian are certain though that the arrival of the new baby will calm Eleanor down and make her less angry toward her little brother.   

“This is nothing compared to usual, and it’s the first fight they’ve had in almost two weeks.” Aline says in a nonchalant tone. She and Helen are use to their children’s arguments, they usually calm down in a few hours and forget all about their argument. 

Just then they hear footsteps on the stairs and a few seconds later Ivy bursts into the room with Andrew not far behind her. 

“Mom, mama, Andrew_ Uncle Jules! Aunt Emma!” Ivy breaks off, her blue-green Blackthorn eyes lighting up in delight when she sees her Aunt and Uncle. 

“What about Andrew?” Helen calmly asks, as Ivy embraces her aunt and uncle. 

“He wants to come to Devon with me today to train with Cordelia.” Ivy says in a tone of anger, as if this is the most heinous crime ever committed. 

“Oh how very dare he.” Aline dryly says, taking a sip of her coffee. 

“I don’t want to train with you and Cordelia, I just want to portal there with you, me and Will are going to Faerie to see Uncle Mark, Uncle Kieran and Aunt Cristina, Uncle Kieran and Uncle Mark are going to let us ride their horses and then we’re going to see grandpa Gwyn and nana Diana.” Andrew hurriedly explains.

“Why can’t Will come here and then you go to Faerie from here?” Ivy asks her brother. 

“It makes more sense for me to go to him, since you’re already going to Devon, I’ll leave you alone the minute we get there, I promise!” Andrew says, begging his sister with his eyes, to let him go with her. 

“This is the most ridiculous argument I’ve ever heard.” Emma quietly says to Julian, in an amused tone. Julian laughs lightly and says 

“I dunno, once Mark and I had a fight because he didn’t want to be in the same room as me, he said it was because my face was annoying.” 

“Ivy you’re just being petty, Andrew isn’t trying to interrupt your time with Cordelia, we all know how well you two work together and how important it is for you both to train with only each other, you and Cordelia will be going with Jem straight to the London Institute and Will and Andrew will be staying with Tessa to wait for Cristina to take them to Faerie, anymore fighting and you can forget about going on a tour of The Scholomonce with your Uncle Ty next week.” Aline firmly says. “Understood?”

“Yes mom.” Ivy quietly says in a subdued tone. She knew there is no point in arguing with her mom, she is relentless and never gives in and never puts up with their fighting.

Half an hour later, Ivy steps out of the portal into the Carstairs’ living room, with Andrew right behind her. Cordelia and Will along with Tessa are already waiting, in the living room.

“Cordy can we swap siblings? Andrew is such a pain.” Ivy lightly says, greeting her friend with a hug.

“You can’t have Kit, but by all means you can have Jade and Will, especially Will.” Cordelia says in an amused tone, making a face at her little brother over her best friend's shoulder. 

“Leave him alone Delia.” Kit says, walking into the room and putting his arm around his little brother. 

“Yes Prince Christopher.” Cordelia mockingly says, smirking at her older brother, who she always teases about his royal heritage. 

“You know technically you’re royalty too Cordelia, your grandfather on mum’s side is a prince of hell, so technically that makes you a princess, I could start calling you Princess Cordelia.” Kit retorts, returning his sister’s smug smile. Instantly the smile drops from Cordelia’s face and she turns to her father, who has just walked into the room. 

“Can we go now dad?” She asks, eager to get to the training room and spend some time with Ivy, who she has a very important question for. 

“Have you got everything?” Jem asks, knowing how forgetful his eldest daughter can be. 

Cordelia nods enthusiastically and says 

“Yeah, and Emma said she’ll meet us in London and let me use Cortana for a while!” Emma and Jem had explained all about the family heirloom to Cordelia and the other two, and told Cordelia that she may one day inherit Cortana, and ever since then she has been itching to get her hands on the sword and try it out.

“Alright then, come on.”

An hour later Cordelia and Ivy are on their own in the training room, working on target practice. Jem brought some gifts for Emma’s new baby, and they are currently downstairs looking through them. 

“Ivy... can I talk to you for a bit?” Cordelia quietly asks, as her dagger lands right on target. 

“Sure, is everything okay?” Ivy asks, brushing her blonde hair back and turning to look at her friend. 

“Yeah fine. I-I don’t really know how to go about this but well... we work so well together and I always feel better and stronger when you’re around, you’re my best friend and I couldn’t cope without you. Ivy I want to be parabatia.” Cordelia hurriedly says in a panicked tone, fearful that Ivy won’t want to be parabatia with her. Maybe she wants to go to the Scholomonce like her Uncle Ty, who Cordelia’s brother Kit is married to. 

Ivy’s jaw drops open and she can’t help but stare at Cordelia in disbelief. Being Parabatia  is a massive deal and commitment, it is not something to take lightly. Ivy’s Uncle Jules and Aunt Emma had been parabatia and then fallen in love and were almost killed by the parabatia curse. Not that Ivy is in love with Cordelia, or thinks she ever will be, but it’s still a big deal.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to.” Cordelia quietly says, her gaze flickering from Ivy to the floor. 

“I... no Cordy of course I want to be parabatia, it’s just... such a big deal, we both know that.” Ivy gently says, grabbing her friend’s hands. 

“I know but I listen to my dad’s stories about my Uncle Will and how amazing it was for them, and I see Uncle Jace and Uncle Alec together and Aunt Clary and Uncle Simon, that bond and love is just so amazing and unbelievable and something I want more than anything. But I only want it with you Ivy, and this is my last year of being able to have a parabatia, I’ll be nineteen in April, so I had to ask you now.” Cordelia explains, looking at her friend with wide brown eyes full of hope.

“Are you sure about this?” Ivy quietly asks, silently fearing that maybe Cordelia is only asking her because in a few months she’ll be past the cut off age for having a parabatia. 

“Yes absolutely, I’ve thought long and hard about it and talked about it with dad, I’m sure about this.” Cordelia firmly says. 

Ivy grins widely at her friend and grabs her into a tight embrace. 

“Then yes, yes of course I’ll be your parabatia.” 

*That evening*

It is now 6 O’Clock in the evening, and Helen and Aline are sitting alone in the kitchen after tidying up after dinner. They often sit and talk with each other in the evenings, when Ivy and Andrew are usually in their rooms doing their own thing. 

“It all feels so surreal, when we were on Wrangle Island all those years ago I never thought we’d get to have a beautiful life like this, before Alec became Consul and we were allowed to come back to LA, I was always so terrified that if we tried to have a baby, one way or another, The Clave would stop us, Ivy and Andrew are miracles, my beautiful miracles.” Helen quietly says in a tearful tone, gripping her wife’s hand tightly. Sometimes she still has to convince herself that this is all real, she’s back in LA with all her siblings around her, her wife at her side and two beautiful and amazing children to call her own.

“I know love, I hated seeing you so miserable and upset, if I could get my hands on the little bastards who decided to exile you...” Aline says in a tone of anger, rage bubbling up in her chest at the thoughts of The Cohort and the other idiots who agreed to The Cold Peace and sentenced Helen to exile, only allowed her to get married in Idris if she agreed to be paraded around The Academy like a Show Pony and talk dirt about her birth mother, who she has hardly any memories of. 

“Aline my love let go of that anger, it does you no good to hold on to it, we have a beautiful and amazing life now, we don’t need to think about all that now.” Helen softly says, rubbing her wife’s back soothingly. 

“Mom, mama is everything okay?” A soft, familiar voice asks in a concerned tone, from the doorway. They look up to see Ivy standing in the doorway looking concerned, with Andrew lingering behind her. 

“Hi babies, everything’s fine, your mom and I were just talking about my exile during The Cold Peace and it still makes us angry and upset. Are you guys okay?” Helen calmly asks, as Andrew and Ivy come in and sit beside their parents. 

“Yeah it’s just... well I was wondering if you could tell me about my dad.” Ivy quietly says in a hopeful tone. 

“I’m afraid there’s not much to tell you about babe, your father was an anonymous sperm donor, we kept the information his file gave us, but it’s not very much.” Aline gently explains, not wanting to upset her daughter. 

“Oh, well can I have that little bit of information you have? I’d like to know something about him, anything.” Ivy warily asks. 

“Of course sweetheart, that’s why we kept it, we knew you’d likely ask about him at some stage.” Helen lovingly says, brushing her daughter’s hair back from her face. 

“Do you know anything about my birth parents?” Andrew quietly asks. 

“I’m afraid not baby, when we adopted you we were told that your birth parents wanted a closed adoption, we didn’t mind, we just wanted you so badly and loved you so much. Though once you’re over 18 you can legally seek them out, and we will help if that’s what you want.” Helen explains, hoping that Andrew won’t be angry or upset. 

“Maybe, but you and mom are my parents, always have been and always will be, you’re the ones who raised me and loved me all my life, that’s what matters to me.” Andrew firmly says. Ivy nods her agreement. 

“I agree, I don’t really care about knowing my dad, I’m just curious about him. You guys are my parents, I don’t need a dad, never had, I have the two best moms in the world, I’m really lucky to be your daughter.” Tears of joy well in Helen’s eyes and she pulls her daughter and son into a tight hug.

“Oh my babies, I love you so much and I am so so proud of you, Ivy you said that you’re lucky to be our daughter but believe me, we are the lucky ones, to have you two as our children.” Helen says in a tight tone. 

“Your mama’s right, we are the luckiest people alive to have you two beautiful, amazing kids as our own, you completed our family and made our lives amazing.” Aline quietly says, putting her arms around her wife and children. 

Helen rests her head on Aline’s shoulder and holds her babies tightly, revealing in amazement at how drastically her life has change, and how amazing and perfect it is.

[inyri]

I was wondering why you and your partner chosen ivf over adoption? I have heard many stories of why a couple chose adoption over ivf, but next to nothing on the opposite choice. As someone who never wants to have kids (I am happy to be an aunt when the time comes, but do not want my own), I have been curious. If this is too personal or you simply don’t want to answer, I completely accept and respect that; I just thought I might ask. Thank you! 😊

That’s a great question.

My husband and I had pretty much always been in agreement that we wanted kids at some point, and after we got married (9.5 years ago) we had initially held off as I got through medical school and residency due to the work hours and stress involved. When we got to a point where we felt like we were ready- well, shortly after that he got sick and ended up having his liver transplant. All told we tried the old-fashioned way, off and on due to his health, for about four years. I had done some initial testing about 3 years ago when it became apparent things weren’t going to plan, but we had waited for a while after that to give his health an opportunity to stabilize (which it has).

(cut for length)

Our choices are very much IVF vs adoption. My husband is adopted, actually- I’m not privy to his adoptive mother’s health history but neither she nor either of her sisters were ever able to have biological children- and that did play into our decision process. He’s always been a little bit conflicted about his adoption, particularly when it comes to whether or not to try to learn more: the state in which his adoption took place was closed-case at the time and he’d have to petition the court to open his record. Given the number of children who need homes, it’s surprisingly difficult (and expensive- the average cost of adoption in the USA is about $30,000 with foster care/DCFS being the exception) to adopt. In addition, we’re at a point in my career process where adoption would, frankly, be logistically difficult. We both moved around a lot as children, including abroad, and we’d like to share that experience with our own child(ren). But the adoption process takes time- a lot of time, in some cases- and our plans would likely not work in our favor as prospective adoptive parents. 

(I will fully admit that I don’t know if I would be capable of adopting an older child out of the foster care system. I have many pediatric patients who are either still in the DCFS system or were adopted out of it, and so many of them have staggering developmental or mental health issues… I give their adoptive parents all the credit in the world for voluntarily taking that responsibility on themselves. But I’m not sure that I could do it. I suppose that’s selfish of me, but…)

Much as I complain about the frustrations of the IVF process, I’d like to have a biological child. That might sound selfish, too and it probably is a little bit, so I won’t make excuses for it. It is what it is. Many women don’t find pregnancy and childbirth to be something they want to experience, of course, whether or not they’d like to be mothers, and to discount their role as a mother to an adoptive child because they weren’t themselves pregnant is the worst kind of biological reductionism… and the process itself isn’t particularly pleasant, so especially for infertile women or NB people or anyone who’d need reproductive help for whatever reason, I certainly wouldn’t fault anyone who looks at weeks of injections and surgical procedures and says you know, I think I’ll pass. Other women might like to give birth to a child, but aren’t able to do so for reasons of physical or mental health. I’m fortunate on that front. I do, to be candid, have anxiety, but it tends to have fairly particular triggers and the process of IVF hasn’t been one beyond the logistics.

For us, the finances actually pushed us toward IVF. We live in a state that requires infertility coverage through employer-provided insurance (a minority in the US- only 15 states have this). I think we’ll still end up paying about $7,000 out of pocket between drug costs and deductibles- a fact that makes me rather jealous of my aggressively fertile friends as one can only hear oh, but we weren’t even really trying! so many times without wanting to put one’s head through a wall- but the cost of going entirely out of pocket would probably be well upward of $25,000. I’ve got a pretty good chance of this working, all things considered. I’m relatively young by infertility standards and our particular issue’s nearly 100% male factor. Assuming the embryos grow well (we’re using a procedure called ICSI- intracytoplasmic sperm injection- which directly injects the sperm into the egg, improving our chances there… again, covered by our insurance) I’ve got about a 50-50 shot with each transferred embryo. 

If I were older, or had health factors of my own where the odds of success were much less… I think we’d have leaned more toward adoption. I know couples who’ve spent a hundred thousand dollars on multiple IVF cycles, only to end in failure every time. That’s hard to fathom. So if this doesn’t work… we’ll see, I suppose.

I hope that sort of answers your question, anon, and I don’t mind at all answering- one of the nice things about this platform is that I can be candid and relatively anonymous at the same time, and as a doctor myself I think there’s a lot of advantage to being able to have open discussions about these kinds of issues!

[wingletblackbird]

I appreciate your nuanced and respectful anti-abortion post, and I want to raise a question that you didn't address. How do you regard medication abortions, which account for about 30% of abortions and can be performed extremely early? Your argument about fetal life wouldn't seem to apply as well at three or four weeks gestation. I'm not trying to pick a fight, just genuinely curious.

Don’t worry I don’t think you’re trying to pick a fight. I can dialogue with anyone on any subject really, so long as we’re both willing to listen and be respectful, even be willing to change our minds if we are exposed to something we hadn’t considered. I actually, generally, quite enjoy a good discussion. ;) I also am a firm believer that as long as you’re sincere, there is no such things as a bad question. I appreciate the ask, and I’m glad you felt my original post was respectful. I was worried about setting the wrong tone.

(On that note, before I get into this, I really want to make sure I make it clear I don’t think women who have abortions are any better or worse than anybody else. I don’t think most people who are pro-choice are bad people either–No more than the rest of us anyway. 1 in 4 people or so in the States, iirc, will have an abortion. It’s ludicrous to suppose they are all horrible people, or that their supporters are. I cannot know what women feel like going into those clinics, but I am given to understand that helpless, panicked, and desperate are common emotions, and if you are not given the proper support, or information, it is hard to make good decisions like that. Beyond even that, people make mistakes. I am not here to judge them, and if any woman is struggling post-abortion, I would say there is forgiveness, and redemption, and support out there for you.) 

You’re right; I barely touched on the issue of medication abortions. I felt the post was already longer than most people would care for anyway. Before I get into why I oppose those too, I should stress first that by the time most people know they’re pregnant there will already be a heartbeat, and likely discernible brain waves. Ergo, I think it would be rare that it wouldn’t be blindingly obvious you were dealing with a young child, even without the further evidence I am about to offer that life begins at feritilistaion. To offer a personal example, when my parents were trying to conceive my brother and I, my mom was very in tune with her natural cycles. She always knew when she was ovulating from the left side because she could feel a twinge in her lower  back, so she and my dad were able to conceive by brother and I on just the one attempt. Likewise, within a couple weeks after my conception, my mom knew she was pregnant even when it was too early for it to even be detectable by a pregnancy test, so she went to the hospital and asked for a blood test which confirmed she was pregnant. Then she and my dad went to get an ultrasound, and discovered my heart was already beating. That was when my dad went from pro-choice to pro-life, because he realised even at such an early stage, before it could easily be detected, I was alive!

But, of course, what if you have unprotected sex, or for whatever reason you have cause to believe that you could be pregnant really, really early? You’ve pretty much asked for an abortion from the first moment you could possible be considered pregnant. Even then I would say that this is wrong. The child is still a legitimate human being. There is overwhelming scientific consensus on this: Life begins at conception. 

First of all, we know that from the moment of conception the individual is alive. They have all the characteristics of a living entity. Cells are the smallest form of life. That is one of the basics of cell theory and biology. Moreover, once fertilization occurs they are the offspring of two humans, and they are humans genetically. Perhaps most importantly they are human organisms. They are not merely masses of tissue, or clumps of cells, because body cells do not have the capacity to grow, and change, and develop the way that an organism does. This is why sperm cells, egg cells, muscle tissue etc. do not have rights, while the human organism does. The zygote, blastocyst, embryo, fetus, infant, toddler, child, pre-teen, teenager, and adult are all humans in different stages of development, and each is as valid as the other. Furthermore, it is expected in our society to protect the most vulnerable of us such as children. To not do so is considered terrible, even monstrous, except when it comes to those who are developing in-utero. This makes no sense to me. Life begins at fertilisation, and if allowed to grow over the course of a couple decades, results into a fully mature adult of our species. This is the scientific evidence. To terminate that development is to kill the youngest of our kind, to deny them to right to continue to grow and learn and change. You would think every stage of human life from the zygote to the senior citizen would be equally as valuable. However, in the interests of profit and convenience, they are not. (Frankly, this applies to many seniors who are mistreated as well, and aren’t granted the respect and dignity they deserve.)

If you look at embryology textbooks you’ll see quotes like this:

Although human life is a continuous process, fertilisation is a critical landmark, because, under ordinary circumstances a new, genetically distinct human organism, is thereby formed. –Human Embryology and Teratology

Human life begins at fertilization.—The Developing Human 

Development begins with fertilisation—Langman’s Medical Embryology

Even amongst the pro-choice side we get:

There is no doubt that from the first moments of its existence, an embryo conceived from human sperm and eggs is a human being.—Peter Singer, Practical Ethics

Hence, the moment you terminate a pregnancy, whatever the stage, you deny a life the right to exist. You will never get it back. You will never know what that child could have been. 

Other issues that have to be considered with the understanding that life begins at conception is the issue of hormonal birth control, (since I’m on the subject and don’t really get into it in the first post...). I recently read an outraged News article talking about how some politician said that the Pill caused abortion. The man in question was called a religious nut, ignorant, and uninformed, but I rather thought the journalist was. Few people seem to realise that the Pill does not always stop ovulation, and hence, fertilization. While it makes it very difficult for fertilization to occur, it can still occur. If that happens, the Pill will usually result in a lost life, because the Pill also prevents implantation of the fertilised egg by altering the endometrium. This is why many claim that the Pill has the potential to be abortifacient. If you believe that life starts at conception, as I do, hormonal contraception is out. The morning after pill is really just a higher dosage of the regular pill anyway, so really this shouldn’t be surprising. 

Taking the next leap from the understanding that fertilization is the earliest stage of human development is the nature of IVF. To promote greater levels of success, multiple embryos are nurtured. They are screened for “undesirable” qualities whether it be for disabilities, or gender. (I’ve already talked about why that’s awful in my original post.) After successful implantation, the other embryos, the siblings of the lucky implanted ones, are terminated or frozen. Moreover, if the pregnancy results in multiples, because all embryos implant, there is often an abortion to reduce the pregnancy to something safer. Some mothers refuse to do this and you get “Octomom.” I respect them for not terminating their children, but it definitely made for some very high-risk pregnancies. The fact is if you are going to say that you believe something, you cannot pick and choose what it applies to. The evidence points to life begins at conception which means artificial methods of conception need to be looked at as well. I touched on this in my viability argument and I’ll just post that again here:

What about embryo adoption though? Did you know that that is possible? That that is even being done? It has already happened that parents who use IVF, and have no further need for the other embryos they have frozen allow other couples who cannot conceive naturally to adopt them. It has been called the earliest form of adoption. Well, how does this fit into the viability idea? If you can take an embryo and implant it into someone else’s womb? What if you can develop artificial wombs? What if you can remove a fetus in the first trimester and still keep it alive? The whole viability argument makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to be honest, because it is so inherently subjective.

As a side note, I wonder how those embryos who were adopted feel when they grow up. They know that they weren’t the lucky embryo chosen by their biological parents. They were the one frozen, unwanted, and then lucky enough to be granted a chance to truly live when they were given up for adoption. How do they feel knowing they have a biological sibling living with a different set of parents? That maybe they have more still frozen? When an infant is given up for adoption, it is usually a loving decision based upon the mother’s, and possibly even the father’s, recognition that they cannot care for the child. Frozen embryos though…they’re just children, or potential children if you don’t recognise them as being alive, stuck in a freezer. Their parents just have no need for them.

Since I’m on the subject I’ll just go all out and talk about that last point too: The family. 

I remember reading an article years and years ago about how in a family one child was given away, and one was allowed to stay. It was years ago, so I remember few of the details, but I do remember the parent was confused that the child who stayed kept acting out. Surely since she was the one who was kept, she would have felt more safe? In truth though, the child felt worse because she never felt “safe” in a family where people left. She learned that being loved seemed to be conditional. She wanted to know what the limits were for her. When would she be sent away? 

I was conceived right after my mother miscarried my elder brother. He was miscarried so late, he was almost born stillborn, but if he had been born, I would never have been conceived. It’s a crazy thought to me, because I was almost miscarried too. (My mom really struggled to carry a pregnancy to term.) I think sometimes about how it could have been James that was born, and me that was lost. As a consequence, I view my life as even more of a miracle then it already is. My brother died and I was able to live. It’s a humbling thought, and I can’t take it lightly. James is a part of my life, and while my family and I don’t speak of him often, when we do it is with love and grief and respect. My mother even cried once saying she could never have chosen between us, and she wishes she could have raised us both. I often find I want to live a good life, for his sake, as well as my own, and my family’s, and others. James is as important to me. I don’t want to waste the gift I was granted. I wonder though how it would feel if James had been aborted instead. There are, of course, few studies done on the siblings of aborted children, but what I have found indicates grief, anger, and survivor’s guilt–especially those who were once part of multiples that were “selectively reduced”. There have even been developed support groups for the siblings of aborted children who are struggling with it. Abortion rocks the entire family.

One woman who works at a Pregnancy Counselling Centre stated:

“Abortion teaches children that they have worth because they were conceived in the right conditions and at the right time; that they have value because their parents want them. Up to 50% of all American children have lost a brother or a sister to abortion, making it much more likely that they live with a performance view of love: I was born because I was wanted therefore I better perform so they will continue to love me.”

I imagine this is particularly understandable for those who were kept because they were a girl or a boy, and the parents wanted a girl or a boy rather than the opposite sex. Do you only love me because I’m the right gender? 

The above woman also said:

“I think one of the most difficult things for me to face is a woman who is attempting to justify an abortion for the sake of her other children. I always want to tell them…the best thing for her little ones is to have a brother or a sister. In fact, explaining to sons and daughters a few years in the future as to why they aborted their sibling will probably be the most difficult thing they will ever do[.]”

One sibling described how her mother felt unequal to raising a fourth child so aborted the baby. She was left wondering if she’d been that fourth child, would she have been aborted? It’s an uncomfortable question. Love is unconditional, and that should never be in question, and neither should someone’s right to live. These concepts go hand in hand. The value of a life does not rest on it’s convenience, gender, or health.  

This is the heart of the pro-life movement. It is about the inherent dignity of all human life from conception to natural death. It means to be so respectful of the dignity of the human person, you could not fathom supporting anything that would harm them. It means such a fundamental respect for human life that you do not terminate it, rather you do everything you can to support it. It means a respect for life so deep that you do not take the risks of having sex if you aren’t willing to carry a pregnancy, however unlikely it is to occur, to term. It means looking at children as blessing not burdens. It means loving the people you have in your life, young, old, or middle-aged whatever their physical or mental state. It means asking yourself the difficult question: Are people an inconvenience to you? It means pushing for better maternity leave, paternity leave, social services, health care, foster care, adoption services, palliative care, and so on and so forth. More than that, it means being willing to pitch-in and help out yourself. It’s not just about what happens in the abortion clinic. To truly believe in life and love means making a commitment. It will not always be easy, but it is worth it. Abortion may be the “easy” option, but it is not the best one. It shouldn’t even be option at all, and it is devastating in basically every way. 

[deserted-desires]

Many of us are fortunate to have our mothers. I say many of us, because there are those that may have mothers who were never cut out to be mothers. A mother is not one who gave birth to one, but one who cared for us through our youths and remains caring throughout our lives as adults. However, I feel that I am especially fortunate for my mother, who is my role model both as a parent and a professional. This post, while it does no justice to her, is a dedication to my mother; Dr. Husnia Abdulla Ali Gargash.

My mother was born on the fifth of July, 1957. The eldest of six children that consisted of three sisters, two brothers, and my mother. Far from the normal standards of the U.A.E. then, my grandfather encouraged his daughters to stand as equals to their brothers; that the only difference between any two individuals is how hard they work in life. My grandmother was the image of female strength and empowerment. While she had received no formal education; she pushed her children to educate themselves, focusing on her daughters and telling them:

“Push yourselves and educate yourselves, never let any one hold you back from your education. The day you do that is the day you have died without completely dying.”

My grandmother and my mother.

My mother would define her childhood as one of happiness and with the expected downs of any life. However, the point where my mother told me she dug herself into her books was one of pain and sorrow, and yet she pushed herself through it. Her reasons for success was to show those that told her she can’t, she could; she won’t, she will; she doesn’t dare, she did. She moved on to study abroad in Baghdad, a feat that even today is not an actively open option to many Emirati women. My grandfather supported her decision and stood fast against any who would criticize her decisions in life, her had faith in all of his children. My mother wanted to become a doctor, and when performing an eye test she told the Optometrist of that fact. The Optometrist responded, rudely: “With your eyes, you could never become a doctor.” My mother’s response was even greater: “Not only will I be a doctor, I will achieve more than you ever dreamed you could achieve for yourself.”

She went on to study in Baghdad University, and moving to the U.K. during the Iraq-Iran War, when things settled and the option for her to return to Baghdad came up; she was offered the opportunity to remain in the U.K. and complete it there. She chose to return to Baghdad and finish where she started. After which time, she met my father in Abu Dhabi during her career. My mother would define my father in this way: “He was a handsome man, smart, and charming. If the greatest quality in him was that he was a man, not a boy. That is what you should look for in a partner, think with both your heart and your mind. I thought with my mind, and never focused on my heart. I knew your father would never stand in the way of my career.” When they married, my father gave the impression that he wanted her to stop her career. My mother then and there told him: “We had an agreement, and if you wish to back out of that agreement; you are welcome to divorce me.” This was a show of true strength and feminism; she not only chose her career over a marriage, she chose to go through a divorce, which is considered a great taboo in Arab culture, in the name of her career.

My mother, while a strong woman, never emasculated nor disrespected her husband’s role as our father and the head of the family. My mother always taught us that a woman never needs to bark for her respect, her actions demand respect, and if they don’t; does she deserve that respect? She held us all to her standards, more so my sisters than I. This was because my mother believed that my sisters should know from an early age what the definition of a woman is, and how to define a relationship between men and women. She carried on as both the loving mother, and hardworking doctor throughout our childhoods.

I recall the nights where my mother would go to the hospital for work, and since I was a child I would hate her leaving. During her morning shifts, she would take me with her to work; and during her night shifts, she couldn’t. I would cry and hold on to her as if she was leaving for war. My mother, who would choose her career over the married life, balanced us. She would take me out for ice cream, walk with me around the block until I seemed tired, and then ensure I was asleep before going back to the hospital. I used to understand this as a cute story, but I understand now that it is giving us a value greater than anything in her life. A mother’s willingness to sacrifice a dream, seem to her superiors that she is late, all to make sure her children never feel abandoned or upset. Effort that made us feel loved, secure, and cherished.

My mother defeated the stereotypes against women, the excuses made by other women, and the sexist views of males by her actions. She not only achieved professionally, she also ensured she raised four children properly. All with the support and assistance of a good husband. I recall when she opened her private practice clinic on Dhiyafa road, now known as 2nd December road, she would leave for her morning job at 7:30 A.M. and return home from both jobs at 6-7 PM. Tired, overworked, and nerve wrecked she still asked us about our days, our studies, and our personal lives. My mother has never been a parent who did not understand her children, or got upset with our mistakes. However, the one action that would tempt her temper was if we neglected our studies, yelling at us about the importance of education and how our future depended on the decisions we made today. My mother then became the first director of Dubai Fertility Center, which was due to her being a pioneer and the first doctor to practice IVF fertilization for patients in the U.A.E. She then moved on to open her own IVF center in Sharjah; Dr. Husnia Gargash Fertility, Gynecology and Obstetrics Center.

Now, she has begun her latest path into her career; a hospital. Which is where most doctors would consider that the end-game. The point where they have reached the pinnacle of their careers. However, my mother says different. Her dreams continue and she always says: “When you stop working, you die.”

Abduljabbar Gargash (L.) & Dr. Husnia Gargash (R.)

My mother taught us that before all, comes family. One without a family is one without a purpose. When she began her dream of building a hospital, she was promised the support of her siblings. When they backed out, she found herself lost. However, one of her brothers, Abduljabbar, took the responsibility and chose to assist her in building her dream. My mother always reminds me of this, not to simply praise her brother, but for it to be an example of how I should be as a brother to my sisters. She constantly reminds us of the issues that raised up between her siblings, her parents, and her distant family; reminding us of these so that we never repeat those issues amongst ourselves.

Today, my grandmother, the very woman who pushed my mother to becoming who she is today, has Alzheimer’s disease. Which is a degenerative form of Dementia that gnaws away at a person’s cognitive abilities and their mental capacities. My mother makes the effort to see her every day. Balancing her children, career, and sick mother without ever releasing a single complaint, or claiming how difficult her life is. My mother puts us to shame without saying a single word, but only when we reflect her actions and then how we complain over peanuts; and yet, when we do complain, she tells us not to stress and that all will be well. How am I supposed to not love this woman, not respect the very presence of her in our lives, and not constantly seek to earn her pride? I once told my mother that I hope to be able to balance my life as she does, and be able to become as successful as her when I reach her age. My mother’s response echoes in my mind to this very day: “If you try to be me, you will end up failing. Never strive to be someone else, be the best you that you can be. When you see others who achieve, do not mimic their achievements, make them want to mimic yours.”

  When my eldest sister asked her to sit in on an interview that covered influential women in the U.A.E. my mother’s response was clear: “Why should a woman be given a trophy for doing what a man has already done? Men receive awards for doing what has never been done before. Yet they seek to pacify me by giving me an award to waste time and speak? I’d much rather continue helping patients and doing what I love.” This was a shocking reply, but one that I respect. She always stood by the value that actions speak louder than words. She taught us all an important lesson that day; not everyone will seek to take your pride outright, they will seek to make a fool of you and make you give them your pride. Ethics, dignity and morals. These are the three pillars my mother taught us to uphold. However, the one lesson that stands out and made us who we are is this; always stand for your beliefs, argue respectfully, but never accept being put on your knees.

2008

2015

2018

There is no value that can be placed on this woman. There is no price too great for her smile. There is not a single human being that could ever take precedence over her. Truly, when I say that I have been raised by a queen, it could be nothing but the truth. Supporting me throughout my life, and constantly teaching me lessons when I think I know everything. Whenever anyone asks me how I tolerate working two jobs and giving up much of a social life at the age of 25. My answer is simple.

“If anyone is worth the sleepless nights, the stress induced hunger, the nervous breakdowns, the fatigue of handling incompetent contractors and consultants. It is my mother, and will remain my mother till the day I am no longer capable of doing so.”

Thank you for reading this,

F.

A Dedication to Mom. Many of us are fortunate to have our mothers. I say many of us, because there are those that may have mothers who were never cut out to be mothers.

[adventures-of-mum]

Women are amazing

In my early twenties I asked a group of my male friends if they wanted children. Quick as a flash they all replied ‘yes’. When I asked them why, and how they knew for certain, they mostly talked about the prospect of having fun with a little human ‘who looks like me’. I know a lot of women are also very sure they want children, but I was never one of those people. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it was a method of self-protection, in case I wasn’t able to have them. Perhaps it was because I’ve been very lucky and always enjoyed my life, including the one my husband and I were living before we decided to have a baby. Or perhaps I didn’t ever speak about my desire to have a child with certainty because I was aware, at the back of my mind, of what having a child would mean that my body and mind would go through. My male friends in their early twenties had no such considerations as they laughed happily at the prospect of creating their mini mes.

I now know I was right to be aware of what having a baby would ask of me physically and mentally, and to be aware of how unique an experience it is, specifically as, and because I am, a woman. As I’ve watched my female friends and family go through their own pregnancy and parenting journeys I see time and time again why for those boys it was easy to say ‘yes, of course I want kids’ and why for women, it’s often not.

Women are amazing. I’ve always known that. From my mum to my best teachers (I did have some good male ones too), from women I’ve met trying to build peace in the Middle-East to young women now leading the movement to try to save our planet. But the events of the past couple of years have hammered home to me in so many different ways just how amazing. The resoluteness and the resilience required to contemplate having a child, deciding to have one, deciding not to have one, trying to have one and not being able to, wanting to have one but not being in a position to, not wanting one but being expected to have one, fostering one, supporting others who have one, growing one, losing one, birthing one, adopting one, keeping one alive- what all of us women do, regardless of whether we have children or not, is amazing. I can’t know this for sure, but I’d imagine for many men these abilities-both physical and emotional- could probably be pretty threatening. Perhaps it’s no wonder that in the vast majority of places, and for the vast majority of time, women have been controlled, subjugated and silenced by men. These seemingly endless wars on women (to borrow part of the title of the incredible book by Sue Lloyd-Roberts ‘The War on Women and the brave ones who fight back’) are perhaps (really unpleasant) ways to distract from the power and the scale of what women quietly get on with, whilst on this Earth. 

So little is made of what women go through when they are either pregnant or trying to be. The world takes what we do and what our bodies go through for granted. Yes, there is some protection in some legislation in some countries, but broadly speaking we are just expected to spend our pregnancy or the time trying to get pregnant (I’m thinking particularly of the toll that IVF can take on a woman and her body and of the many women who have miscarriages, another of society’s women’s health related taboos) carrying on ‘as normal’, doing everything we were doing beforehand as if nothing has changed. Researchers from Duke University recently published a study in which they claimed to have discovered the limit of human endurance. The man leading the study also declared that pregnant women go very close to that maximum during pregnancy. I probably didn’t need a man, or a study, to tell me that, based on the sheer exhaustion I experienced in that time. Someone needs to invent a new word for this feeling because ‘very tired’ doesn’t cut it. Nonetheless I was considered to have ‘gotten off lightly’. I had no sickness and no swollen limbs and I actually enjoyed being pregnant a fair amount of the time. I still would have really liked for the people who looked the other way when I got on the bus to work (yes, we carry on working pretty much the whole time which actually deserves a quick pause for thought in itself) to have appreciated that once upon a time they were carried in a womb and their mum would probably have really liked a seat too. 

Giving birth is the same. People are happy to share their birth “horror stories” with pregnant women, and television and film has done a wonderful job of making everyone, women and men, afraid of the screaming, horrible, painful, flat on your back lie-down-and-push experience that is birth as we see it on screen. Then, when it happens (fortunately for lots of people not in the way we are conditioned to think of it) the total and powerful physicality of the experience is immediately subsumed by the next bodily thing- feeding (or not) and sleeping (or not). Recovery and rest are assumed to take place when the visitors are sleeping rather than knocking on your door and when the magic fairies are making you food and doing your laundry. Two months ago I met a midwife at a music session I was at and she asked me about Lorcan’s birth. As I recounted the tale she pointed out how remarkable it was that just a few months later I, and most other women, are just strolling about, usually knackered but doing their absolute best for their babies, having been through this monumental experience of getting a human out of their bodies, one way or another. The world just expects it, and we just do it. 

I chose to be pregnant and I chose to have a baby and I’m lucky that both those things worked out for me, so far. I don’t need or want congratulations or accolades. But I would really like the sheer physicality of what many women go through, whether pregnancy, IVF, miscarriage, labour, birth, breastfeeding or trying to, not having more than a few hours sleep for months on end, to be recognised for what it is- amazing. I would also really like the term ‘baby brain’ to be banned and if still used, be punishable by a large fine payable to mental health projects for new parents. No I don’t have “baby brain”, I’m just constantly thinking about keeping a new baby alive and that’s why I can’t recall the correct noun right now.  

And then there’s all the other amazing-ness I could not have lived without- the women who support each other whilst they are on their knees with exhaustion, the women who desperately want a baby but are still happy when a friend is pregnant or gives birth, the women who send cards and presents to you to remind you how ace you are when the rest of the world is buying very generous gifts for your baby. The women who text you to see how you’re getting on, the women who don’t text you on your due date asking where the baby is, the women who schlep across cities to bring you lunch and tea in those early months, the women who distract you from all things baby and talk about something else with you. The women who understand your tears and your joy, the women who will always empathise and laugh with you, and the women who keep on giving when there are a million other priorities everyday.

According to the Office for National Statistics women on maternity leave do an average of 60 hours of unpaid work per month. And yet we still have to put up with hilarious ‘jokes’ about ‘our year off’, told ‘it’s alright for some’ and get asked ‘are you going back to work?’ pretty much from the moment one gives birth- the vital word missing there of course is ‘paid’ just before the word ‘work’. Women still have to overcome judgement and discrimination in the world of paid work, face not being hired if they are of child-bearing age and then risk being fired if they do decide to help with the continuation of the human race. Many women still have to battle for maternity pay and many still do not get it. Women have to fight for their jobs, their credibility and their reputation when they return to their employer. Not only does pregnancy, birth and raising an infant get taken for granted by our society, we then face a continued struggle to stay visible and valued in that same society. 

So world, listen up- ultra-marathons and endurance cycling (two of the other feats alongside pregnancy that the aforementioned study reference as taking humans close to their ultimate limits) will carry on winning men medals and sponsorship and that’s grand, but in the meantime it’s time to stop taking any of us for granted and start appreciating what we do. Women are amazing. Whether we’ve got a baby or not.

[climbingmounttsundoku]

Birth from a Transplanted Uterus

The name Vincent is derived from the Roman name Vincentius; the name Vincentius is derived from the Latin word Vincere; Vincere means ‘to conquer’. And so it was, that, on September 4, 2014, little Vincent’s birth cry would fittingly proclaim a new conquest for modern medicine.

Vincent was the first child to have ever been born after a uterus transplantation. Sixteen years prior, his mother, Malin Stenberg, had quizzed her doctor, Dr Mats Brännström, on the possibility of having her recently removed uterus replaced. Not much attention was ever given to that idea. In fact, over the course of the 60s and 70s, much of endeavour to combat infertility was devoted to solving the issue of malfunctioning fallopian tubes.

And once in vitro fertilization (IVF) proved successful - the world's first IVF baby, Louise Brown, was born on July 25, 1978 - interest in the subject dwindled and research efforts trailed off.

Her inquiry sparked Dr Brännström’s interest, who saw this uncharted territory as an opportunity. He tallied  the number of potential candidates for such a procedure. It included women born without a uterus, due a condition known as Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser (MRKH) syndrome, which occurs in one of every 4500 women; women who had their uterus removed, typically due to cervical cancer; and women who suffer from a host of birth defects, such as Leiomyomas or intrauterine adhesions. All in all, he reckoned that as many as one in 500 women might need a transplant. This aggregation of cases is known as Absolute Uterine Factor Infertility (AUFI).

He flew back from Australia to Sweden and mooted the idea of a uterus transplantation with Lebanese Dr Randa Akouri, a then molecular biologist and geneticist who was also specializing in uterus transplant. Brännström and Akouri had been colleagues since early 90s, working at the same hospital and research lab in Sweden. Brännström later became Akouri’s main supervisor when she started her PhD studies on uterus transplantation as well.

Currently, 35 year old Akouri is an assistant professor at Sahlgrenska University Hospital in Gothenburg, Sweden, and holds an MD and a PhD in Obstetrics and Gynecology.

Initial trials started in the year 2000 with the purpose of testing the theory that a transplant was even possible. The microsurgery involved twin mice, in which case immunosuppressants were unnecessary; the scale of things was so small that everything was done under microscopes.

Four months down the line, Akouri, was able to successfully conclude the experiment: the uterus lasted after surgery, blood supply was adequate, and a transfer of embryo into the transplanted uterus was a success as well, proving that it was able to hold an embryo.

It should be noted that in cases where the uterus has been transplanted, no natural insemination can occur. This is because the fallopian tubes aren’t reconnected in the patient. Fertilization instead happens in vitro. Reconnecting the tubes would be too risky reckons Akouri: if a naturally fertilized egg fails to reach the uterus, it would put the patient at risk of an ectopic pregnancy, which puts her life in serious danger.

This initial success generated a lot of buzz. The team then moved on to tackle gradually larger animals in their trials. Over an eleven year period, they were able to replicate the transfer on rats, pigs, lambs and finally on chimps in 2012.

Their diligent work ethic would prove its worth years later. Nine years after they had started their trials, the International Federation of Gynecology and Obstetrics (FIGO) enacted new regulations regarding animal testing which mandated researchers to test on gradually larger animals.

Human trials begin

The first human uterus transplant was performed in 2011, but it did not involve Akouri or her team. Doctors in Turkey had obtained a license from their local government to perform the operation on a human. The transplant itself, which was based on the research published by Akouri and her colleagues, was successful. The patient however was never able to carry.

That event goaded the Swedish team to press their government for a licence;  they had worried that inevitably someone else would steal their thunder. Eventually, the Swedish government, which up until then had been reluctant to grant them permission, complied and awarded them a licence to perform 10 operations in 2012.

Nine operations were conducted; the team opted against operating on their tenth selected candidate because she was missing a kidney, a common occurrence for people that suffer from MRKH syndrome. The doctors worried as immunosuppressants strain the kidneys.

Of the nine women, eight had been born without a uterus due to MRKH; the ninth candidate had had hers removed seven years prior due to cervical cancer. The idea from the latter was to show that such patients could be eligible for the process as well.

Based on their animal trials, the team had estimated that the operation would take four to five hours. Three hours to remove the uterus and another two to implant it. The first operations however lasted 10 to 14 hours, as removing the uterus proved very time consuming. The uterus itself is about 7 to 8 cm x 5 to 6 centimeters, but the pelvic area carries a lot of veins and other tracts; surgeons must be careful and slow.

A total of ten doctor, operating four or five at a time, hunched over in two operating rooms, completed nine procedures.

Of the nine procedures, seven proved a success in the long term. In the remaining two instances, the surgeons unfortunately had to remove the new uterus: one patient had suffered an infection, the other had Activated Protein C resistance (APCR) and suffered a thrombosis as a result [HOVER DEFINITION: local coagulation or clotting of the blood].

All the operations involved a living donor. In five instances, the donors were the mothers. Typically, kinship between donor and recipient means that the body is less likely to reject the transplanted organ, since there is a higher probability that the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) match, or are at least partially similar. The MHC is a set of proteins that sit on the surface of a cell, acting as a code for the immune system to differentiate between foreign and non foreign molecules.

In the case of a mother donor, there is an inherent 50% match. Donor and recipient must be of the same blood type as well. If no eligible related donor can be found, then doctors are forced to look to the general population. In the case of Vincent, the donor was a 61-year-old friend of the family.

Recipients must then wait a whole year for their bodies to recover. The dosage of immunosuppressants is gradually decreased as well during that time period. And after a year passes, artificial insemination can occur.

Delivery is cesarean; doctors worry that a possible rupture could result from the pressure. Akouri doesn’t rule out allowing natural delivery in the future however.

The results

All in all the, five children - four boys and a girl - have been birthed from five different patients. One of the patients is currently carrying for the second time. Three have opted to remove the transplanted uterus after birthing. The sixth patient has had two miscarriages so far, whereas the seventh hasn’t been able to carry yet.

Removing the uterus is standard procedure if the patients does not want to have any more children. The uterus is not a critical organ, the body is able to function without it, and removing it eliminates the need to administer immunosuppressants. Overall the doctors do not advise carrying more than twice for a patient, the uterus should be optimally removed within five years.

Spreading the knowledge

In December of last year, doctors and surgeons from 22 countries flocked to Madrid for the world’s first uterine transplant convention. Discussions involved opening centers for uterine transplants around the globe. The Swedish team has taken it upon itself to help spread the knowledge and set up centers around the world.

Akouri was able to convince the team that Lebanon should host a regional center. After deliberations and negotiations with several facilities, they settled on the Bellevue Medical Center in Mansourieh in Lebanon.

A deal was signed in March. Currently the paperwork is being reviewed by the ethical committee at the ministry of health for final approval. Akouri has already met with a number of potential patients and their respective donors from Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, Libya and Saudi Arabia.

She estimates that the first operation could take place towards the end of the current year.

What’s next?

Meanwhile the team is still working on improving their technique in Sweden. They recently got a new licence for an additional 10 operations. These will be performed using robots which means that the procedure will be less invasive, involve less bleeding and less scarring. They also hope that this new technique could reduce the time to 8 hours. Operations are expected to begin in early 2017.

The team is also contemplating using deceased donors. Though there are important advantages to using live donors - primarily, the fact that you can test and monitor your donor over an extended period of time - deceased donors also have their advantages. For example, surgeons need not be as careful, and consequently as slow, when operating on them. They are also more at liberty of removing as much tissue as they want. Typically, when removing a uterus, surgeons need to remove other parts as well: vessels as well as part of the donor’s vagina, which is used to help keep the uterus in place in the recipient.

The problem with deceased donors however is that there is a waiting period. Organs are prioritized. The heart for instance takes top priority. And so by the time the critical organs are harvested, more often than not, the body would have been dead too long or is too mangled to be of any use.

“Perhaps that’s what happened in Cleveland,” concluded Akouri, referring to a failed uterine transplant that involved a deceased donor, where doctors detected a fungus infection. “Maybe it was because it wasn’t instantaneous like it would have been with a live donor.” It’s just a guess she tells me. Research into the matter is still ongoing

[ronaldmrashid]

The Difficulties Of Pregnancy: Why More Should Be Done For Working Pregnant Women

This Mother’s Day, I’d like to highlight how difficult it is to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and work while pregnant. My hope is the more aware people are about the difficulties of pregnancy, the more compassion there will be for pregnant women and moms in general.

I’ve come across too many heartless folks who make pregnant women feel uncomfortable at work and make them never want to go back to work after giving birth. Here’s a comment that illustrates my point from the post, Career Advice For Women: Blaze Your Own Path Instead.

My husband is also a “revenue making” startup founder, and I kind of know people hate him because he is a harsh boss, he says things for shock value, but yes he gets things done.

He could’ve said what this guy said (“I hate women”), and he has told me in private that having to deal with his pregnant female employees leaving early or because they are tired, and dealing with maternity leave of his female employees is painful because a startup just does not have that kind of bandwidth. They expect everyone all hands on deck all the time. That’s the reality of it, given the breakneck speed of how things work plus juggling finance, legal, there just isn’t enough bandwidth to run a start up like a large fortune 500 company with HR departments and such.

What I describe above is a different scenario from what you experienced and my husband mentioned this to me in private, but his arguments could be true of any startup.

This type of thinking is endemic among many males and some females. In a highly competitive business environment, I can understand the strains of lost productivity. However, someone has to give birth.  Otherwise, nobody would exist. To create more empathy, let’s address three things everybody should know about pregnancy. 

Important Things To Know About Pregnancy

1) Roughly 20% – 25% of pregnant women suffer a miscarriage. Miscarriage aka “spontaneous abortion” is the loss of a pregnancy during the first 20 weeks.

A miscarriage is obviously a very difficult experience to deal with, especially if you’ve experienced more than one. The chances are pretty high that someone you know at work is trying to get pregnant and has not succeeded or has gone through a miscarriage. People just don’t talk openly about these kinds of difficulties.

Don’t question why your female colleague has to take the afternoon or the day off from work. I had the opportunity to meet several women who told me in private that due to the discovery of chromosomal abnormalities such as Trisomy 13 (Patau syndrome), they decided to get a dilation & curettage due to the likelihood of severe intellectual disability and physical abnormalities. Too ashamed to tell their colleagues and bosses, they suffer in silence.

Never assume the reason a woman doesn’t have children is because she doesn’t want them. There may be a plethora of reasons, ranging from not finding the right partner, not feeling financially secure, or nature not cooperating after multiple attempts. Unless you’re a close friend, it’s probably best not to ask someone, “When are you going to have a baby?” or “Why don’t you have kids yet?” These may seem like harmless questions, but in reality, if the woman has been trying for years, the questions may be quite hurtful.

Related: Develop Emotional Intelligence For An Easier Life

General pregnancy rates by age. Source: CDC

2) The cost to get pregnant can be prohibitively expensive. Imagine trying for two years and not succeeding due to endometriosis in the ovaries, a bulging cyst, or a poor sperm count. Patience and optimism can wane after so many failed attempts.

The general next step many couples go through is intrauterine insemination (IUI). Each session can cost between $300 – $1,300, depending on where you live and your health insurance provider. Each IUI procedure will pull both you and your partner away from the office for at least two hours. Now imagine not succeeding after six IUIs. Not only are you now even more frustrated, your co-workers may start whispering about your lack of commitment at work. Further, you’re probably out thousands of dollars.

If IUI doesn’t work, some couples consider in vitro fertilization (IVF), a medical procedure whereby an egg is fertilized by sperm in a test tube or elsewhere outside the body. The first step – and often the most unpleasant step – in IVF is a regimen of injected fertility drugs for 7 – 12 days. These drugs stimulate the production of an unusually high number of egg follicles. Once mature, a final shot is given to cause you to ovulate the eggs, which are then harvested in an egg retrieval procedure

The national average cost for a “fresh” IVF cycle is about $12,000 plus medications, which typically run $3,000 to $5,000. So now we’re talking $15,000 – $18,000 out of pocket and only a ~40% chance of conceiving if you are under 35. For any family not making at least $100,000 a year, that is an enormous sum of money. Despite Facebook being the king of fake news, it’s great to hear it covers IVF costs for its employees.

Take a look at the IVF success rates by age from the CDC. By age 41, your chance of a live birth drops down to only 11%. You may literally need to spend $100,000+ over nine IVF cycles before succeeding. When you combine money stress, failure stress, and artificial hormone stress, it’s difficult to always be chipper at work.

Average success rate for live birth is ~40% for women under 35. Source: CDC

3) Being pregnant can be extremely uncomfortable. Hollywood has built up a perception that pregnancy is an easy, beautiful, magical process that makes women “glow” for nine months. For a lot of women, the reality is a lot different. There’s nothing magical about vomiting every day for months or feeling like you’re getting stabbed every time you sneeze.

When a woman is pregnant, her uterus pushes against the bladder (even before she may be showing), which leads to the urge to pee frequently. Commuting to work can be unbearable especially if you have to stand, change vehicles, etc. for more than 30 minutes. If you have to sit in a one-hour meeting, you may have to walk out mid-meeting to go to the bathroom. Those of us who’ve never been pregnant take our ability to go for hours without having to pee for granted.

Pregnancy can cause frequent constipation and excess gas. One of the key benefits of working at home is being able to relieve yourself with ease. Not so much when you’ve got multiple co-workers sitting inches away. Further, pregnant women often tire easily, especially during the first trimester. One friend always prided herself on never napping. But after she got pregnant, she had to nap for an hour every day for four months.

Further, the recommended weight gain is ~25 – 35 lbs for the average weight women, or roughly 20% heavier. Imagine always carrying a backpack containing two watermelons everywhere you go. Tiring!

Finally, trying to always protect your baby from harm’s way can take its toll. You’re always watching where you’re stepping, careful not to fall. You’re also protecting your belly from bashing into anything. You’re also constantly mindful of what you can and cannot eat and drink.

Be More Empathetic To Pregnant Women

Career opportunity is the reason why many couples are choosing to delay marriage and start families. Unfortunately, our biology isn’t following suit. It would be nice if the statistics showed that the new “safest age” to give birth is 40 or under, but it remains around 35 or under. Not everybody can find the one and feel financially and emotionally ready enough to have a child in their 20s  Roughly 25% of couples have pregnancy-related complications.

After speaking with so many women about their pregnancy experiences for this article, including my own mother, sister, and best friend who just gave birth, I’m actually surprised any pregnant woman is willing to work during the third trimester (28 – 40th week). The unfortunate reality is that for many, financial constraints make working through pregnancy a necessity.

Let’s encourage the following:

* Equal parental leave for men and women so employers have a lower likelihood of discriminating against women who may take maternity leave. Some women think this is unfair since men don’t have to go through pregnancy. But good fathers are there to assist, bottle feed, change diapers, and go through many sleepless nights as well.

* Allow for more pregnant women to work from home. There are too many things going on with a pregnant woman’s body to make her feel absolutely comfortable working in close quarters with so many other people. If you allow more moms to work from home, you stand a higher chance of keeping them as employees.

* Instead of only 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993, how about at least 8 weeks of paid maternity leave for mothers. It may take mothers 6 – 9 months to recover fully due to tears, complications, and cesareans. Currently only California, New Jersey, and Rhode Island require private employers to pay for maternity leave.

* Create more awareness about the difficulties of pregnancy. A good start is by sharing this article and others like it.

Happy Mother’s Day to my three favorite moms out there! You know who you are! Lots of love.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Related posts:

How Much Does IVF And Eastern Medicine Cost To Combat Infertility?

How To Build A Stronger Brand For You

How To Make Six Figures At Almost Any Age

Why do you think more people can’t empathize with pregnant women? To help other women, should pregnant women or mothers raise more awareness? Have you or your partner gone through a difficult pregnancy?

from http://www.financialsamurai.com/the-difficulties-of-pregnancy-why-more-should-be-done-for-working-pregnant-women/

[ivfprescriptions1-blog]

Benefits Of IVF Medical Injections

Introductions:  

Medical injections as a method of IVF treatment are no new invention, but many patients are seeming to use them frequently, and some even may prefer them over other methods of IVF treatment. Most injections are just a one-time injection after using other IVF treatments, and are the final step to help attempting to induce pregnancy. Most injections are also very simple to use. They are just injected to the intramuscular or subcutaneous part of the body, and that’s it. Sometimes there is more than one injection required, but most are generally one injection to finalize the IVF process. Most medical injections are also used in conjunction with other forms of birth control to help the woman have the best chance of becoming a viable candidate to become impregnated.

What Kinds Of IVF Medical Injections Are There?    Most medical injections are the pricier form of birth control, but yet have also been proven to be one of the most effective forms of IVF treatment. Injections are generally a one-time cost like the cost of pregnyl injections which comes in at $65.00 or the cost of ovidrel injection which comes in at $78.00 all the way up to costs of injection like Lupron which run about $570.00 for just one injection kit. The price of the IVF medications can depend on the ingredients, manufacturer, and the amount it costs to produce the injection. However, usually it’s a one-time cost to attempt to become pregnant using an injection, so it’s often more cost-effective than oral medications, which, while generally cheaper, sometimes have to be taken for long periods of time.   It’s simply a more expensive one-time treatment versus a cheaper, longer-term treatment. However, it is worth noting that many people have to take an oral medication for months or longer to “prime” the body for the ideal environment to be able to ovulate and produce a pregnancy. Oftentimes, couples who want to have the best chances of pregnancy will use both forms of IVF medication together to get the ideal results they want. Both medications done in cycles together often called “IVF cycles” often have the best chances of pregnancies.

IVF Injections Made Convenient:  

 Ordering your IVF treatments from IVFPrescriptions.com will not only save you 50-70% over traditional pharmacy prices, you will also be able to order fertility drugs online without ever leaving your own home. Just remember you will need to provide a prescription from either a doctor or certified IVF clinic to be able to obtain your medications. This means no more going out of your way to have a prescription filled or no more stopping at a pharmacy to drop off and pick up the medications. It will be delivered to your door within seven (7) business days, plus you enjoy the savings only our site can provide!

Conclusions:

   Injections are a very easy form of IVF treatment simply injected into the muscle or subcutaneous part of the body. Getting your injections delivered directly to your front door also makes it easier to get the medications you need in the time you need them. They are also not hard to use, and are quite user-friendly to do at home. If you are uncomfortable injecting yourself at home, you can always ask to do it in the presence of someone at the IVF clinic or a doctor’s office to ensure you do it properly. This is why IVF injections are so common. They work for many people, and can work for you, too!

IVF Success Story:

Erin & Josh* --- Erin Remarried To John’s* Story:

   Erin* assumed that marrying young assumed she could have a big family. Erin* meant a BIG family. Having a BIG family was something Erin* always dreamt of. Soon as Erin* began starting to try to get pregnant soon as her and Josh* got married. Erin* spent days and hours counting down till her next period every month to see when she could get pregnant, or if she would menstruate again. Erin* wasn’t really concerned the first few times she found herself not pregnant, however after a few months Erin became mildly annoyed that she couldn’t seem to conceive, so she decided to get some fertility tests done to ensure everything was OK.    Erin* got her tests done, and results began coming back. Everything seemed to be OK, nothing seemed out of place. Erin* didn’t find any causes until she called a doctor back from a pay phone that had called her earlier, but not left a message on her dead cell phone. Erin* was then given some news that there was a problem with her, and the doctor was very pessimistic she would even conceive, let alone have children.    Erin* remembers it was her 22nd birthday, and she cried the rest of the day. She tried to go back to work, but couldn’t. It was lunch break, and she had to call in sick at work and go home to be alone. Erin* spent weeks devastated at the news of her lack of fertility, and went to the library to try to learn about what she and Josh* could about how they might be able to get pregnant, and how to cope with the difficulty of having trouble conceiving. Josh* also played a massive role in Erin’s* coping as he told her that this was never her fault, and that he loved her no matter how many children they do or don’t ever have!    Erin* still felt no matter what Josh* said that she knew he had no idea what she was going through. Erin* tried the pills, but they didn’t work. Erin* moved on to the IUI treatment, but found them almost too painful to even continue the treatments. After a few rounds of IUI treatments, doctors realized that as Erin* said this was pointless. They allowed Erin* to move on to IVF treatment.      Erin* began IVF treatment, and her great-grandmother mad her livid by telling her “No big deal” in the little English she spoke about her not having children. Erin’s* great grandmother already had 10 great-grandchildren, and it didn’t matter to her if there ever more. That only made Erin’s* emotional issues so much worse, and she felt even worse.    Erin* had 13 eggs harvested soon thereafter, but only one was fertilized. They inserted it, and Erin* saw it split after 3 weeks. By now, Erin’s* problems were made worse by the fact that her friends were having or had had children by now. Erin* felt like everyone had a family but her. Erin* cited her best friends as extra-supportive, but her other acquaintances of theirs just brushed her off as paranoid, annoying, and ridiculous. Erin* soon started another treatment six months later, but those failed as well. Egg harvesting was not providing the results Erin* and Josh* desired. That much had now become clear.    Erin* switched medical centers to try treatment from somewhere new. This time it turned out to be a much better fit, and this center was a lot more comforting. Helpful, and caring. Erin* here learned how to give herself IVF injections at home, and then was given another embryo transfer. 18 days later Erin* had positive pregnancy tests coming back. After only 10 weeks of progesterone shots, Erin* found out she was pregnant. This mean Erin’s* first daughter was born just a little over 4 years after she began seeking IVF treatment, and trying to get pregnant.     Having a baby reignited Erin’s* passion not only to have children, but to have the BIG family she always dreamt of. Erin* was not about to let the dream of a large family die without a fight. Erin*, with a renewed vigor, returned to more IVF treatment. The next round of treatment led to 8 more embryos. Erin* and Josh* froze 4 embryos and 4 more implanted. Another failure with the implanted embryos led the doctors to pull Erin’s* frozen embryos being used. Surprisingly, the frozen embryos successfully got Erin* pregnant. Not only did Erin* get pregnant, but she delivered twins. By the time Erin was a mother of 3, and still labeled “severely infertile”.    Josh* soon started not seeing the point of Erin* wanting to have more children, and that led to their divorce. It was 5 years till Erin* had more children as she broke up with Josh*, divorced, met John*, and then married John*. John* was open to having more children, so Erin* went back to IVF treatments. Erin* had her next daughter Jocelyn*, her first child with John* on March 25th, 2015. Then while Erin* was still pushing Jocelyn* around in a stroller, Erin’s* next dream came true when she went back for more IVF treatment, and 5 months after the birth of her daughter Jocelyn*, Erin* was pregnant again. Erin* always dreamed of pushing a stroller while pregnant again came true. On March 5th, 2006 Erin had her 5th child, a daughter named Cassidy*. Along with the child John* had from his past marriage, Erin* and John* were now parents to 6 children, 3 under the age of 5.    At this point, John* pleaded with Erin* to please stop having children. John* of course loved all their children very much, but was at the end of his proverbial rope with 6 children in the house. Erin* agreed that they had done enough! Erin* finally had her dream of a large, happy family, and John* was a wonderful father both to his children and hers alike that he soon later adopted as his own! Erin* encourages anyone to go get IVF treatment that wants a family. Despite what she learned was later aminiocentesis (low amino acid levels), Erin* couldn’t be more grateful for the last IVF clinic she went to, and the man she has married in John* that gave Erin* the life she wanted and deserved. *names have been changed to respect the family’s privacy