#as much as many of the xmas specials HAVE been good as EPISODES its just like.... im not a fan of xmas.

[doctorwhoisadhd]

also one thing that chibnall certainly did right was having new years specials instead of christmas specials. im pretty disappointed that rtds bringing those back.

[demisexualnathanvuornos]

RULES: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your up to 10 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

Got tagged by a couple of people/saw a mutual do it

Multitudes of (A)bsence / Monimuotoiset puutteet

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717583/chapters/59745241

This is my one and only original work. It's a short poem with an English and Finnish versions, about being aroace, demigender and atheist.

I was inspired to write it when I was reading Jenna Clare's poetry book, she's ace and Finnish American, so I decided to get her book because I am also two of those things. It's a beautiful book but at one point it talked of god in a way that it really hit, all the things I'm lacking.

I Never Really Let You Go

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28260108

Just before Xmas, me and Grey-Haven (not on tumblr anymore) where talking about Lucas Bryant I guess and I lamented how impossible being able to watch Playing House (2006) has been. She, being in the UK, was able to purchase it on youtube and we watched it through some microsoft thing.

It was super funny and Lucas was absolutely perfect. So perfect that I wanted to write fic even after only one watch. I've since ordered both the book the movie was based on and a region free dvd from Australia, both of which I am still waiting for but should get them quite soon.

Also, this fic was more popular than I expected, I have lots of fics that struggle to reach 10 hits and this one has almost 40. Tagging the female lead maybe helped? Idk

Drabbles on Touch

I managed to write 9 chapters for Drabbles on Touch which I think is pretty good :

31. Dance (3x12 Reunion) (2020-03-30)

32. Fur (2020-08-14)

33. 1x8 PDA with Jess 1 (at the station) (2020-09-06)

34. 1x8 Almost sex with Jess (2020-11-02)

35. 1x8 PDA with Jess 2 (goodbye) (2020-09-07)

36. 1x8 Audrey's Cheek kiss (2020-09-12)

37. He Should Have Known (1x9) (2020-09-26)

38. Hands (1x9/1x10) (2020-11-01)

39. Accidental Touches (1x12 Resurfacing) (2020-10-04)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000235/chapters/24503604

It's Only Touch (All He Has Left)

I wrote an extra chapter for this that actually touches on a lot of the ideas I had about the fic but didn't end up including when I first wrote this.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596324/chapters/58917880

What a Waste of a Good Boner (4x7 AU)

Some fun little Nathan/Audrey smut fic I thought should exist.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24738766?view_full_work=true

Next up are a couple of fun multi-chapter fics I'm delighted that I managed to write and finish within 2020:

East Haven Seadogs vs West Haven Cutters

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23750812/chapters/57042253

4 chapters of various stories about this silly little small town little league baseball rivalry. First Nathan pov in 2x4, then Audrey learns to appreciate baseball through Lexie and then James Wuornos' first game with his little sister in attendance and finally, I hit the 2020 pandemic, includes Nathan's childhood memories, including James Garrick and Duke.

Heir to the Herald

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22099819/chapters/52743043

I started 2020 by properly reading The Colorado Kid. I was really taken with Stephanie McCann and rereading the pilot script inspired me to write a combination of all 3. Post canon, someone needs to run the Herald and Stephanie is perfect for the job.

Christmas Party in July

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899377/chapters/68318356

I know there were some prompts about this in July bcus Haven's 10 year anniversary but I wasn't inspired to read or write about this then. Because I don't even like this episode much. But rewatching it on its anniversary, I did find myself inspired to write about the aftermath of the party. Heavy still-one-sided Nathan/Audrey.

And then I thought about that calm bit in s5a and how that was probably in July. And the Paige is not as different from Audrey as one might think. It was fun to write these as almost advent thingies.

----

Moving on from fic, I absolutely loved Lucas' Country at Heart movie and especially the song, A Life in a Love, that he performs. I couldn't help but notice how well some lyrics with Haven, so I did graphic for all the lyrics. It's in many parts and I still think I might do Jennifer/Duke graphic for the last chorus, but that's not happening too soon. But I'm very happy with these and that I managed to do the Audrey pov before the year ended.

https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/tagged/a-life-in-a-love

Ever since it was established that Nathan was a Pet Shop Boy fan, I wanted to do a graphic about it. I even researched ages ago that in 1983/4 West End Girls would be the most likely song he had heard from them and it mentions 'Finland station', so it was perfect. But I then never really started to properly work on it and then I almost forgot it. Until I made those ALiaL graphic and I managed to finish these ones two. Needed to do it in two parts because it works better that way.

https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/tagged/pet-shop-boys

All in all, 2020 wasn't too bad a year for me, creatively. I could give special shoutouts to my Duke Sterling fic (now with a wip sequal), and fics for Lucas' two earlier Xmas movies, Merry In-Laws and A Very Merry Daughter of the Bride. Links available upon request or I might add them myself later.

[bellafarella]

TV shows tag game

I got tagged by @thehonorarybeaumont thank you!

Rules: Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. Tag however many people.

1. schitt’s creek

2. shameless us 

3. good girls

4. friends

5. how to get away with murder (htgawm)

What’s your favorite character from 1?

david rose

What’s your least favorite character from 2?

debbie gallagher (terry also but he’s not a main character)

What’s your favorite episode in 4?

omfg so many but some of my favorite are ross centric so like when he gets a bad tan, the leather pants, oohh also when they all start to find out about monica and chandler

What’s your favorite season in 5?

i have no idea, every season is just as thrilling as the next

What’s your favorite couple in 3?

beth and rio even though they aren’t a canon couple

What’s your favorite couple in 2?

ian and mickey, duh

What’s your favorite episode in 1?

omg so many but to name a few: the housewarming, the pregnancy test, open mic, olive branch, the hike, the incident, moira rose, the premiere. i can keep going lol

What’s your favorite episode in 5?

i don’t have favorite episodes from this show, like i said they’re all so thrilling

What’s your favorite season in 2?

season 4, it got real dark, it was great. season 10 was also good cause so much ian and mickey being together.

How long have you been watching 1?

since whenever it got to netflix, i think like right when they put season 4 up there so only a couple years. i know i watched the xmas special episode live on tv and i had binged the first 4 seasons before that. 

How did you get into 3?

i think i saw the first season was on netflix and just watched it, got hooked

Favorite actor in 4?

jennifer aniston 

Which do you prefer: 1, 2, or 5?

schitt’s creek, because it’s so beautifully written and acted, there is nothing wrong with this show at all

What show have you seen more of? 1 or 3?

schitt’s creek cause there’s more seasons 

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

well i know i’m basically chandler in the early seasons so lol

Would a crossover of 3 and 4 work?

good girls and friends? lol i dont think so

Pair 2 characters from 1 that would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

stevie and twyla would be cute 

Overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

they’re pretty similar, but i think htgawm cause its just so shocking every episode lol

Which has a better theme song, 2 or 4?

friends hands down, its a classic

I’ll tag: @davidrosesfiance @let-it-make-you-stronger @danslevys @stephensking @patricksdavid @mariss-ugh and whoever else wants to, can’t think of any @’s right now lol

[furederiko]

Countdown Counter: 6. Miracles and sacrifice. The spirit of Christmas brings the Kyuranger together in its 43rd episode. The very last episode for the year...

- From the get go, signs that this is going to be a special episode are already there. How? There's no opening sequence, which means longer runtime for the actual story. And instead of a Kyuranger, VA Subaru Kimura returns as the narrator recapping the previous episode. Also, the story picks up directly at the gate of Jark Matter's base, with 9 Kyurangers forcing their way inside. That exciting top-notch hand to hand action promises something bigger later on! Gotta love that brief black silhouette splash screen... - Elsewhere, Tsurugi gets the answers he is seeking as Don Armage activates the Planetium Bomb. The Jark Matter Supreme Leader is the pure definition of a complete nutjob. Trying to conquer the entire universe, just to blow and erase it up all at once? Psycho antagonist alert!!! His trump card is the assumption that his immortality will be his advantage to survive it. But isn't that illogical? I mean what happens when everything become void? He is aiming to become a God and recreate his own universe, which sounds genuinely preposterous. - Turns out, there's a bigger upper hand to that goal as he reveals his 'true' self to Tsurugi. Okay, it's being kept as a secret for now, but BLACK CROW-like wings? Are you thinking what I am thinking? This backs up the theory that the real Don Armage is none other than Kuervo. That would explain why Tsurugi becomes so dumbfounded after seeing it, right? But Kuervo should have been dead, so how or when did he obtain immortality? As I said on the recap-view for episode 42, he must have stolen it from someone who seemingly had sacrificed his. Yep, from Tsurugi himself! If this theory is correct, then it lines up to why Tsurugi keeps getting visions of his former comrade, as well as that strange chest pain to which I assume related to his immortality. But enough speculation for now, let's continue with the episode... - If you think Raptor and Commander Xiao are being sidelined, then you are a bit mistaken. They do get some time to shine! They are busy holding out the fort, preventing reinforcements from messing around with the plan. Raptor is the 'getaway guy', so she monitors the entire operation from Battle Orion Ship. That's how she's able to alert everyone that the Planetium Bomb is set to explode in just 15 minutes. There's no time to waste. - Masked-Aslan shows up as predicted. Since his sole mission is to eliminate Leo Red, he couldn't care less as Scorpius Orange leads a team to head off and plant the Black Hole Generator. It's up to the RGBs (Red-Green-Blues LOL) team to try and get Aslan back to his good side. Lupus Blue (who almost gets a second fatal hit) uses the Gemini power to increase man-power, UrsaMinor SkyBlue grows giant with the Ursa Major power, while Leo Red uses his Shining power up. But none of it is able to make a dent on Masked-Aslan. - The only way to save Aslan is through miracle now. And daang... seeing the Leo Kyu Globe rescues Lucky from the brink of death gives me the chills. It's the energy that represents the entire Leo System, meaning both Lucky and Aslan. So it makes sense that it wants what's best for the father and son. Thanks to this miracle, Aslan is freed from the Mask and regains his good conscience. A sweet reunion! Aaaawww... I'm getting misty eyed. - Of course, clueless Mecha-Madako (poor thing doesn't aware of her boss' real goal) just has to enter and ruins the moment. Aslan's mask returns to its true form, which is Don Armage himself! Oh wow, first Hoshi Minato's puppet, now this? Is he a leech or parasyte or something? Then again, that WOULD explain him leeching Tsurugi's power. - Time for a 10-members transformation scene. With a gorgeous constellation-themed roll call too! This is the part that is too bad for Raptor and Xiao, because they don't get one (the sole minor quip I had for this episode *sigh*). Still, the action sequence that follows makes up for that. For a bad guy that refuses to die, Mecha-Madako gets to go down in a special way. She gets to participate in probably the coolest and most thrilling fight choreography the show has done so far. And be the first one to be eliminated by Kyutamajin's glorious Orion Big Bang Cannon attack. Indeed, we've seen the other mechas perform the ultimate finisher before, so this is the first time Kyutamajin takes over their places. - Then this is where things take an unexpected melancholic turn. Before fleeing the scene, Don Armage damages the Black Hole Generator, forcing the device to be activated manually. That means someone has to stay behind and sacrifice themself to save the universe. Lucky offers himself to do the job, but Aslan refuses and takes that duty away from him. "Saving his son... is a father's duty.", he states. Aslan couldn't do anything for Lucky when he was a child, so this is his chance to make up for that. Aaaawwww... T_T. To which pretty much many audience begin to break down and cry... - Aslan's sacrifice saves the universe, and more importantly carves a path for his son's future. A surprisingly fitting metaphor for the month's holiday season, don't you think? It's a heartbreaking but powerful moment. A poignant victory for the team marked by a solemn goodbye. Hold on, is this the first time an actual Kyu Globe is lost in the battle too? - What comes next is an epilogue or some sort. Xiao and Hammy deliver some words of encouragement for grieving Lucky, while the others (thanks to Kotarou's idea) whip up a wonderful surprise. A CHRISTMAS PARTY!!! Doesn't quite make sense in timeline, but this episode DID air on Christmas Eve so there's your festive reason. LOL. Goodness grace, a Christmas tree decorated with all those colorful Kyu Globes looks amazing! And those hand-made (courtesy of Stinger) plushies? Santa-Caesar!! Aaaawww... XD. Santa-Xiao then shows up with a special little present, the Red-Green colored Christmas Kyu Globe. Don't ask how he's able to even have one, or how Tsurugi ends up dressed as a fowl (the only one who is out of place! Holy moly... LOL). All that matters is that it's a celebration, and it warrants the appropriate holiday cheer! NOTE: ...plus a special one-time only Xmas ending sequence! Everyone is in their Xmas costumes, with Caesar tagging along with his cute growls. "Uchu Sentai Kyuranger" truly knows how to throw a pleasant surprise. Am I right? What a fantastic way to end the year... :D

Overall: Goodness grace! The show delivered its best offering on its final episode of 2017. Seriously! I don't know if I'm being swayed by the holiday festive and all, but for me personally this was definitely the best episode so far. An exhilirating wrap up episode for 2017 that simply hit all the right spots. It had exciting action sequences that were on par with "Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger"'s memorable Christmas episode. Great emotional moments that pulled off the "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" finale (as well as "Star Wars: Return of the Jedi" explosive climax), with both Lucky and Aslan's actors helping sell a truly poignant fleeting reunion between father and son. Unsurprisingly a general theme in Hollywood this year, in case you're wondering. This episode made me laugh, cry, and put me on the edge on my seat. A thrilling roller-coaster ride. It's also a tight and complete episode per se, in a big screen production style. A strong kick-ass opening, great moments every now and then both big and personal, and delightful heartfelt closing. An all around satisfying episode, and undoubtedly a high point for the series that will be hard to beat. Calling this as a series finale would be fitting (previous seasons would have treated it as such), but we know that it's not. There are still a few episodes left for us to explore. Will they deliver the same height? Here's hoping... Next week (year LOL): Power ups abound... Mr. Pega returns... The true face of Don Armage! This does NOT really feel like our annual New Year's Clip Show, eh? PS: Once again, this was the final episode of the year. The show will be having its customary New Year break on Sunday, December 31st. Thus episode 44 will air on January 7th. That's next year, of course! LOL.

Episode 43 Score: 9,3 out of 10

Visit THIS LINK to view a continuously updated listing of the Kyutama / Kyu Globes. Last Updated: December 29th, 2017 - Version 3.10. (WARNING: It might contain spoilers for future episodes)

All images are screencaptured from the series, provided by the FanSubber Over-Time. "Uchu Sentai Kyuranger" is produced by TOEI, and airs every Sunday on TV-Asahi. Credits and copyrights belong to their respective owners.

[hgfstreamchats]

Christmas Eve Eve Stream

Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room. Knock Out: To you too! blythe1: Hey all Knock Out: Hello there! thenightetc: Hi! thenightetc: Don't know why chat wasn't working there Knock Out: Livestream hates Christmas, clearly. thenightetc: Apparently! blythe1: Livestream will be visited by three ghosts tonight to rediscover its love for Xmas. blythe1: I've lived in worse towns. thenightetc: ...Oh, right, and you put the wrong link in the post. thenightetc: Left out the "original." at the beginning Knock Out: Let me fix that! Knock Out: There we are. Thank you for letting me know! Shockbox: Ah. Shockbox: Of course. Shockbox: Good evening, folks. thenightetc: Good evening. blythe1: Hi Shockbox Knock Out: Good evening! blythe1: We need a robot who looks good in red with an ever happy smile to be Santa, Knock Out do you know someone like that? Knock Out: I may know a mech. Knock Out: But I demand my own Christmas special. blythe1: If only.

thenightetc: They didn't think this through very far. Shockbox: The height of comedy. Shockbox: Hm. If I recall correctly, I only saw the very end of this episode last year. Knock Out: There's a reason it's a yearly staple! Shockbox: I think I understand that now. Shockbox: Here we are, I recall this. thenightetc: I do like that ending. blythe1: I like a show with a nice clear moral Shockbox: It's decent. Shockbox: So, what's this about a calf? Knock Out: Also a tradition. blythe1: I;m curious about that cockatiel thing there! thenightetc: Oh no. Knock Out: And of course, the drugged children. thenightetc: Honestly, days should all be silent, too. blythe1: I kinda want to ask those kids to blink twice if they need help. Knock Out: When Breakdown and I first heard it, that's what we thought was she was saying. blythe1: This is GENIUS!!!! thenightetc: Good content. Knock Out: Birds certainly are...something. Shockbox: //Clasping hands together. Shockbox: Agreed. Shockbox: Ah, it briefly sang jingle bells. Clearly this is a christmas video. Shockbox: Very relevant to this stream. Knock Out: 100 percent. blythe1: Thank you KO! Knock Out: Of course! Shockbox: Oh, this looks vintage. Shockbox: Early 2000's? Knock Out: 1997, apparently. Shockbox: Close enough. blythe1: It has the voice of Blanche from the Golden Girls in it. That can't be recent. blythe1: Sounds like he ought to have wished for a newer truck. thenightetc: Oh, great. Knock Out: Grandpa's consideration for his disabled grandson's comfort is something to behold. Knock Out: Just bring the barn children along so they can snuff out matches on him between songs. Shockbox: //A gentle sigh. thenightetc: I know, right? Knock Out: They look like siblings. Shockbox: How is that canine waving with its ear? Knock Out: Something demonic. Shockbox: I am under the impression that all of the fauna presented are not of earthly origin. thenightetc: Don't nail boards to your child. Shockbox: ...I /must/ wonder what Soundwave would think of this..."Representation". thenightetc: Whooops, I guess Aunt Agnes has been drinking too much eggnog. blythe1: Finally a character I can empathise with, where is that 2nd bottle of wine. thenightetc: The hell? blythe1: Oh, wait. Nope, Can't empathise with a childkidnapper. Although I can empathise with her being a pennypincher. Knock Out: She should have had more eggnog. She wouldn't care so much about childnapping. blythe1: Now that is a message I can get onboard with, KO blythe1: Eggnog for everyone. Shockbox: The barn burnt down, but luckily, every animal in it survived. Shockbox: Those are not ears, I'm thoroughly convinced they're some type of arm. blythe1: Oh. Did anyone read about that fire at London Zoo this morning? It didn't have as happy an ending, they lost an aardvrk and 4 meerkats. It was so sad. thenightetc: Oh no! Knock Out: Well, that's depressing. thenightetc: ...This just took a turn for the surreal Shockbox: Hm. Knock Out: Why couldn't these animals have died in a fire instead? Shockbox: I'm sure this old mythical man has plenty of time to stand around to talk on christmas eve. thenightetc: ...What. Shockbox: The horse is flirting with that human. blythe1: There was once a guest on Jerry SPringer who claimed his horse was flirting with him Knock Out: Of course he did. Shockbox: Was he one of those..."Bronies"? blythe1: This was pre-Brony era. But he did marry his horse live on air and kissed it. Shockbox: I...See... Shockbox: I see Blaster landed himself a voice acting gig. blythe1: Well that cockerel just volunteered to be Sunday Dinner. blythe1: Just a PSA, kids. Never Drink and Drive. thenightetc: oh boy Shockbox: This family is a mess. Shockbox: ...You can't gift the calf, she's sapient. thenightetc: I think this is one of those uncomfortable universes where they're not aware of that. thenightetc: After all, it's a "secret" that they can talk Shockbox: I suppose Santa of all people wouldn't be against slavery. blythe1: Seems like the drunk aunt might have a point? thenightetc: Well, NOW there's no passing it off. Shockbox: ...The pig just spoke in front of all of them. Knock Out: He goes into the house and writes a small novel about it. Shockbox: He's shown to be literate, after all. blythe1: I feel like this raises many questions, especially about the food system in this universe. thenightetc: You know they're raising that pig to eat him. Shockbox: Too many 'talking animal" universes have this problem. blythe1: Again, I feel like drunk aunt Agnes might have a point. blythe1: again blythe1: I mean, nothing wrong with a second opinion from a specialist. thenightetc: AT some point they're probably going to be shown eating meat. thenightetc: And nobody will comment. blythe1: We've already seen them leaving milk out for Santa Knock Out: That's probably why grandpa impregnated Annabelle's mother. Knock Out: ...Had her impregnated. Shockbox: .....Knock Out.... Knock Out: It's out there. Now we all have to live with it. Shockbox: Primus. blythe1: Lives on a farm, can't identify a cow. Shockbox: She's two days old, maybe back off? Knock Out: You're all talking because a fat man sprayed you with magic dust. Shut up. Shockbox: Oh here we go. Shockbox: Obligatory musical number. blythe1: This reminds me entirely too much of the song sequence from Watership Down. Knock Out: Dear Unicron, you're right. caffienatedconfetti: henlo Shockbox: Greetings. blythe1: Hi caffienatedconfetti: what are we watchin Knock Out: Annabelle's Wish. Shockbox: Deranged Calf Show caffienatedconfetti: is it any good? Knock Out: No. thenightetc: Uhhhh Knock Out: Can't fences be mended? thenightetc: This doesn't seem legal blythe1: I feel like that should require a court order. caffienatedconfetti: that is definitely illegal Shockbox: This shouldn't be legal at all. Shockbox: It's a few pieces of wood. blythe1: Not to mention even I could have fixed that fence. All it needs is wood and nails. caffienatedconfetti: heck i coulda fixed it and i don't know anythin about fences blythe1: He could get those from dissassembling one of the porch benches Shockbox: "You touched my flimsy pieces of wood? Well, I guess I'll just take one of your food sources without your consent." caffienatedconfetti: NO caffienatedconfetti: NO caffienatedconfetti: NOT THIS thenightetc: ...A calf is definitely more valuable than a music box caffienatedconfetti: ANYTHING BUT THIS caffienatedconfetti: COUNTRY MUSICCCCCC Shockbox: Song count: 2 caffienatedconfetti: NOOOOO caffienatedconfetti: auuguuhu Shockbox: I would average the song quality to be, on average, 2.5/10 caffienatedconfetti: i hate country musc so, so much Shockbox: You can mute the tab. caffienatedconfetti: thank you caffienatedconfetti: tell me when it stops Shockbox: Will do. blythe1: That calf doesn't seem to be growing, they should call a vet blythe1: Some sort of pituitory problem there, surely. Knock Out: The last one was nice. They doubled their mileage by applying it to sick human children, apparently. caffienatedconfetti: she's secretly an alien Knock Out: The intergalactic community doesn't want her. Shockbox: Finally, the song is over. blythe1: Song's done caffienatedconfetti: thanks! caffienatedconfetti: my ears didn't need that cancer Shockbox: It seemed to go on much longer than it wanted to. Shockbox: *needed Shockbox: ...Sign language exists. Shockbox: Nonverbal forms of communication exist. thenightetc: Now trample them. caffienatedconfetti: ah, the old "bullies don't like girls" caffienatedconfetti: how original Knock Out: It doesn't seem like a sign language kind of town. Shockbox: Sigh. blythe1: I think they only know one hand sign there. caffienatedconfetti: "hhneh" Knock Out: Sign language, court orders, doctors... thenightetc: Hhahaha caffienatedconfetti: what's this? caffienatedconfetti: who is that screechy blonde witch??? Knock Out: Drunk Aunt Agnes. caffienatedconfetti: why does she want him?? blythe1: Drunk aunt agnes, who is unpleasant but has been in the right. thenightetc: I'm not really clear on that, to be honest. blythe1: He has been in danger on the farm, he does need a second opinion, eggnog is a basic human right! caffienatedconfetti: the animals are agents of chaos Shockbox: She apparently just didn't want to celebrate christmas alone. Shockbox: That is her entire motivation. caffienatedconfetti: lord caffienatedconfetti: end me caffienatedconfetti: so why can't the kid talk...??? thenightetc: There was a fire Shockbox: He was in a barn that caught on fire and....Was presumably traumatized? blythe1: From context, smoke inhalation has damaged his vocal chords. I think thenightetc: and presumably he inhaled some smoke and damaged his lungs or something Shockbox: Or, perhaps, the smoke destroyed his vocal chords. blythe1: SInce he's only been seen by the old country GP, it could be anything. caffienatedconfetti: santa is a WITCH thenightetc: Do they not hear that rooster Shockbox: Yes. Yes he is. blythe1: Cocaine? caffienatedconfetti: ah, the magic of hard narcotics thenightetc: But the magic dust only lasts for a day. Shockbox: Way to get the child's hopes up. blythe1: I'm not sure that is how child removal orders work? blythe1: I feel I may be being too mean for this movie. caffienatedconfetti: great caffienatedconfetti: their children will be HIDEOUS thenightetc: Really. Shockbox: Why has her face not changed at all. thenightetc: Oh, I guess it didn't just last the one day. Shockbox: That is not the face of an adult cow. caffienatedconfetti: the face of pain caffienatedconfetti: and cheap animation Knock Out: Those antlers are probably weighing down her old neck. caffienatedconfetti: "SANTA COMES, TO FULFILL YOUR DARKESTS DREAMS" blythe1: Is Santa also the Grim Reaper? thenightetc: ....Maybe? Shockbox: It's probable, in this universe. Knock Out: You can't prove he isn't. Shockbox: *There was only green under his jacket.* Shockbox: If you stare underneath the old man's jacket, you stare into the void. caffienatedconfetti: ...but females don't have antlers??? thenightetc: It's a christmas miracle! Knock Out: They actually do! blythe1: I think it depends on the deer species caffienatedconfetti: huh Shockbox: You're all missing the obvious conclusion. caffienatedconfetti: female reindeer have antlers? Shockbox: They're transgender. Shockbox: Case closed. caffienatedconfetti: that was my first thought, actually blythe1: I just want to say, I should have drunk far more wine before watching this one. Knock Out: According to your datanet, female reindeer have antlers. And during your holiday season, the males don't. caffienatedconfetti: i left by accident caffienatedconfetti: oh my god thenightetc: So are all of Santa's reindeer animals he rescued(?) and magically changed the species of? caffienatedconfetti: ....'santa and the ice cream bunny'? Shockbox: It's possible, according to that movie. caffienatedconfetti: oh my god, is this MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER??? Knock Out: It's rifftrax. We used up our MST3K Christmas quota the last two years. caffienatedconfetti: lel Shockbox: Mmmm. Shockbox: I suppose we won't have much to say, they'll do all the riffing for us. thenightetc: If Santa *weren't* also Death then why wait until she was apparently dying to show up. caffienatedconfetti: what are they singing even? blythe1: The Christmas palm tree? blythe1: Global warming is really taking its toll. Shockbox: And then...Santa ran into Amelia Earhart. blythe1: And ate her? Shockbox: No, no, he watched her get eaten by crabs. Shockbox: "It's not Christmas, therefore helping you is outside of  my jurisdiction." blythe1: Santa stuck in Florida? Is this an I Dream of Jeannie crossover movie? Shockbox: Is...This some kind of opera? caffienatedconfetti: i think it is blythe1: Santa is tripping caffienatedconfetti: judging by the hand-flailing Shockbox: He's very bored with his situation. caffienatedconfetti: i love these guys caffienatedconfetti: DOG caffienatedconfetti: oh my god caffienatedconfetti: they know what we're thinking Shockbox: Is Santa casting some sort of spell on the humans of the world? thenightetc: Maybe? blythe1: I'm thinking, "Jimmy Saville's home videos" right now. caffienatedconfetti: THEY KNOW caffienatedconfetti: SANTA CALLS thenightetc: I guess the Time Stop wore off? caffienatedconfetti: KAZOOS caffienatedconfetti: KAZOOOOOOOOOOS Shockbox: He's just summoning all of these random children to this unspecified island? caffienatedconfetti: THE KAZOOS thenightetc: Santa is the Pretend Spirit Knock Out: That can only end well. Knock Out: NO. caffienatedconfetti: i swear to god they're psychic thenightetc: Search your feelings.  You know it to be true. Shockbox: This is directed and written in a manner that is uncomfortably close to modern productions that are /meant/ to be vaguely disconcerting or frightening. caffienatedconfetti: i love mystery science theater SO GODDAMN MUCH thenightetc: Is that a racoon thenightetc: it IS a racoon caffienatedconfetti: i can't stop laughing caffienatedconfetti: aaaaand i just snorted my seltzer blythe1: Be careful with raccoons, one attacked a baby in philedelphia a couple of days ago Shockbox: Good job, CC. blythe1: got in the house and mauled a four month old caffienatedconfetti: there is exactly one black child thenightetc: And they all immediately kneel down Shockbox: Ah, Representation. caffienatedconfetti: BOW TO YOUR LORD blythe1: Santa endorses child labour thenightetc: Is he going to turn them into reindeer and make them pull him around Cardinal: Hello! Knock Out: Cardinal! Hello! blythe1: Hi Cardinal caffienatedconfetti: henlo, we're watching 'santa and the ice cream bunny' Cardinal: wh Cardinal: what is this caffienatedconfetti: 'santa and the ice cream bunny' Shockbox: A masterpiece. caffienatedconfetti: DOG caffienatedconfetti: cut dog, good dog Shockbox: A horrible masterpiece. caffienatedconfetti: *cute caffienatedconfetti: just let me pet the dog Cardinal: what is this caffienatedconfetti: 'santa and the ice cream bunny' Shockbox: A masterpiece. caffienatedconfetti: DOG caffienatedconfetti: cut dog, good dog Shockbox: A horrible masterpiece. caffienatedconfetti: *cute caffienatedconfetti: just let me pet the dog blythe1: Did the spell wear off? caffienatedconfetti: the pied piper of the north pole caffienatedconfetti: ....what caffienatedconfetti: what caffienatedconfetti: i dont thenightetc: Where did she get a gorilla caffienatedconfetti: what blythe1: It is the ghost of harambe Shockbox: Ah, I see, she recruited bigfoot. caffienatedconfetti: i don't Cardinal: . . . caffienatedconfetti: this is oddly sexual caffienatedconfetti: it's the grunting okay Shockbox: ...He just needs his sleigh out of the snow, doesn't he? Shockbox: Er. Sand. Cardinal: Wouldn't it help if he . . . got out of the sleigh. Shockbox: Why doesn't he *get out of it* before asking people to move it. thenightetc: Yes, you'd think he could pull it out himself. Shockbox: //Snort. thenightetc: It doesn't look that heavy. blythe1: It does not look like a heavily built vehicle, Santa himself must weigh more than the sleigh caffienatedconfetti: angry pig thenightetc: Exactly. blythe1: Oooh, the Christmas ham has arrived. thenightetc: Maybe he's stuck. thenightetc: Or just very stupid. caffienatedconfetti: wait why would a pig work better than a mule and a m man in a gorrilla suit??? thenightetc: Oh so he CAN get out! Knock Out: Dear sweet Unicron. caffienatedconfetti: those poor animals Shockbox: There he goes! It's not that hard. caffienatedconfetti: sobbing blythe1: I'm guessing this movie did not get the "no animals were harmed" award thenightetc: Were they even trained animals? blythe1: trained better than the film makers caffienatedconfetti: the raaccon and the dog were obviously somewhat trianed blythe1: Oh it is the cast of the last movie caffienatedconfetti: ohhh, that poor horse! their hooves aren't built for sand!! caffienatedconfetti: poor baby caffienatedconfetti: stop hitting the horse!! blythe1: Yes, get out! caffienatedconfetti: STOP caffienatedconfetti: THAT POOR HRSE IS SO CONFUZZLED thenightetc: The horse just seems confused. blythe1: These kids are obviously within walking distance of a populated area. Go walk there and phone for a taxi. blythe1: It isn't even slightly buried. thenightetc: Is he.  Still trying to sit in the sleigh and dig it out a tthe same time. thenightetc: Does anyone else find it strange that it's just him in the sleigh, and no presents? Knock Out: He's not Santa at all, just a bad man. blythe1: Oh god, singing. Cardinal: . . . Knock Out: With filthy pants. Shockbox: ...Well, at least we went for a good few minutes without having to endure this singing. Cardinal: Didn't Rudolph establish that Santa is a bad man? caffienatedconfetti: yes caffienatedconfetti: we're in hell blythe1: Either in hell, or on a hell of an acid trip Shockbox: Is....Is this really happening? thenightetc: I'm so confused. Shockbox: Okay. Cardinal: WHY caffienatedconfetti: we're dead and in hell caffienatedconfetti: *get sshot in spanish* Shockbox: And *then* the protagonist in this movie will start talking about a protagonist from a *different* story. caffienatedconfetti: i can't stop laughingggg Knock Out: I'm wheezing. thenightetc: Why is the ceiling in there so low blythe1: Remember when asking for children from witches and the fey always be specific in your wants. They love to screw you over with exact words. caffienatedconfetti: i love these guyss blythe1: The ceiling is so low because she bought it cheap from Yoda's estate caffienatedconfetti: "buy cheap, this house, you will" thenightetc: pffff thenightetc: They were really desperate to fill out the running time, huh. blythe1: duck into a swan, an anthem for the CRISPR generation Shockbox: Apparently. caffienatedconfetti: WHEEZE caffienatedconfetti: ....that looks like a boy wearing a wig caffienatedconfetti: "you and i are going to have fun together" blythe1: That is some bad CSO, even for this movie thenightetc: Uhhhhhhhhh caffienatedconfetti: is that a man in a frog suit caffienatedconfetti: WHAT HAPPENED TO SANTA caffienatedconfetti: i think marriage is a consent thing??? blythe1: WTF? thenightetc: Are they supposed to be... insects? thenightetc: I mean, the extra..... limbs blythe1: Giant shrooms, I think I've found the explanation for this movie thenightetc: Is her mother even looking for her? thenightetc: She can't be too far away blythe1: the snow in old movies was actually asbestos. Not even joking about that, they used to use asbestos for fake snow thenightetc: Well, that's cheery caffienatedconfetti: assbestos thenightetc: yikes caffienatedconfetti: why this Shockbox: ...How much longer. Shockbox: How much longer is this film. blythe1: It never ends caffienatedconfetti: it will last for eternity caffienatedconfetti: this is hell after all blythe1: It lasts forever, ahahahaha thenightetc: This is what happens when you get on Santa's naughty list!  Take note. blythe1: Damn, I didn't realise just how naughty I must have been this year thenightetc: errrrr blythe1: A saga of child trading and forced marriages, such a classic tale for Santa to tell kids. caffienatedconfetti: wait caffienatedconfetti: I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING caffienatedconfetti: THAT MOLE MAN IS WEARING THE BODY PART OF THE GORILLA SUIT thenightetc: Oh my god.  Yeah, plus a coat Knock Out: By the core, it is! thenightetc: I'm so uncomfortable with how they keep saying how young she is and how she's a child. thenightetc: "you're such a beautiful child!  marry me" thenightetc: :| Cardinal: uhhhh caffienatedconfetti: jesus thenightetc: see? blythe1: A day, but it feels soooooooooooo much longer. thenightetc: "but I AM rich" caffienatedconfetti: it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again thenightetc: "he'll die pretty soon and then you'll be a rich widow!" Knock Out: This couldn't have less to do with Christmas. caffienatedconfetti: i don't know where i am thenightetc: Please tell me the bird's not going to try to marry her, too blythe1: I think I actually miss drunk Santa at thispoint caffienatedconfetti: yes Knock Out: AHHHH! blythe1: She is not a human being, she grew fully formed from a seed caffienatedconfetti: plant hybrid caffienatedconfetti: OH MY LORD blythe1: I can't imagine there could be a worse fate that being in thiis movie blythe1: Winter is coming! Shockbox: So...When will this have anything to do with an ice cream bunny? blythe1: It melted Shockbox: At the beginning? Cardinal: . . . . blythe1: Another forced  marriage? blythe1: I seriously question the message this movie is pushing thenightetc: So... what about her mother Thebes: Oh man I'm late--what fresh nonsense is this? blythe1: I hope those flower buds they are standing in are the same as those from little shop of horrors thenightetc: So, they absolutely just spliced another entire story in, didn' tthey blythe1: back at Santa's cult thenightetc: Credits and all thenightetc: Er, movie blythe1: Yes, Santa is dead, we're freeeeeeeee Cardinal: . . . caffienatedconfetti: am i on crack thenightetc: No, this is really happening Thebes: This feels like a festive fever dream blythe1: THE SIREN MEANS THE NUKES ARE COMING, RIGHT? blythe1: And they just ran over the camera man, which must be a relief for him caffienatedconfetti: screaming blythe1: You know the worst apart about this? caffienatedconfetti: i am screaming caffienatedconfetti: the screaming never ends thenightetc: The dog turning to look at the camera blythe1: I hear Michael Bay has signed on for a remake. Thebes: I feel like that's untrue but... cite your sources blythe1: He's signed on for a reboot for everything else. caffienatedconfetti: eeend me caffienatedconfetti: hwy tjhs caffienatedconfetti: whys blythe1: Just get him on the car and drive to the closing credits, already. thenightetc: The dog seems kind of freaked out at the bunny, there. caffienatedconfetti: please kill mee blythe1: Just for the record, that is not the right way to crank start a car blythe1: if it kicks back then it can break your arm. thenightetc: Look at that kid struggling to keep the dog from running off. thenightetc: ....So could he have done that at any time, or Thebes: I... I don't know blythe1: Is it over, truly? caffienatedconfetti: thank god thenightetc: That description caffienatedconfetti: i am freed Knock Out: It's over. Dear sweet Unicron, it's over. Knock Out: But will we ever be free? That's the question. blythe1: I'll be good next year, promise. Knock Out: I promise nothing. thenightetc: That was really.... something. blythe1: I have to look up that movie's IMDB page to see if anyone in it ever worked again Knock Out: Wasn't it just? Knock Out: Thank you all for stopping by and enduring it! thenightetc: Thank you for infli--*sharing* it with us. blythe1: Wouldn't have missed it for the world, KO. Thank you. blythe1: I love your Christmas livestreams. THey are always great. caffienatedconfetti: goood night Thebes: I only caught the end, but even that was...amazing, shall we say. thank you! Knock Out: You're all very welcome! caffienatedconfetti: it was endless pain caffienatedconfetti: and trauma thenightetc: That description caffienatedconfetti: i am freed Knock Out: It's over. Dear sweet Unicron, it's over. Knock Out: But will we ever be free? That's the question. blythe1: I'll be good next year, promise. Knock Out: I promise nothing. thenightetc: That was really.... something. blythe1: I have to look up that movie's IMDB page to see if anyone in it ever worked again Knock Out: Wasn't it just? Knock Out: Thank you all for stopping by and enduring it! thenightetc: Thank you for infli--*sharing* it with us. blythe1: Wouldn't have missed it for the world, KO. Thank you. blythe1: I love your Christmas livestreams. THey are always great. caffienatedconfetti: goood night Thebes: I only caught the end, but even that was...amazing, shall we say. thank you! Knock Out: You're all very welcome! caffienatedconfetti: it was endless pain caffienatedconfetti: and trauma caffienatedconfetti: it will be in my nightmares blythe1: Merry Christmas, everybody. caffienatedconfetti: mebby chruistmun Knock Out: Merry Christmas, happy holidays, may Santa's filthy pants keep clear of your dreams! thenightetc: Same to you!  And goodnight. blythe1: Since it is now 5am in my timezone, I will bid you all good night. See you all next year. Thebes: good night!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22nd December 2019

It’s the special Christmas episode – or at least the climax of many – of REVIEWING THE CHARTS, where we discuss the UK Top 40 every week without fail, with a complete disregard for my deteriorating mental state. Let’s start with the top 10 and finish what is essentially season two of this show.

Top 10

I’m sure everyone knows the Christmas #1 by now. I’ll talk more about it later, I actually have a lot to say, it’s British YouTuber LadBaby’s “I Love Sausage Rolls”, debuting at #1 much like he did last year. I’ll elaborate in more detail once we reach the new arrivals section.

Steady at the runner-up spot is “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Burna Boy and Ed Sheeran, sadly pipped at the post even with the release of his sophomore album, Heavy is the Head.

At number-three, actually up one space this week, is “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi.

It replaces “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa, down one spot to number-four.

We have our first true Christmas song in the top five this year next, as “Last Christmas” by WHAM! is up two spaces to number-five. It isn’t the first time it’s reached the top five, or even its highest placement, but I think they’ll settle for top five this year.

At number-six, we have another debut, the second of three in the top 10, and first of two for Stormzy: “Audacity”, a pre-release single from Heavy is the Head, or “Audacitiy”, as the BBC’s page, in its typical fashion, misspells horribly. It features Headie One, becoming Headie’s highest-peaking song ever, tied with “18HUNNA” featuring Dave, and fifth UK Top 40, as well as second top 10 entry. It’s Stormzy’s 20th UK Top 40 hit and also his ninth entry into the top ten.

At number-seven, we have “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas, down two spaces to number-seven.

Also down two spaces, surprisingly, is “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey, despite the release of a new music video. In reality, all of the top 10 has probably gained in performance, and Carey here was a victim of LadBaby and Stormzy.

We have Stormzy’s third and final debut here, “Lessons”, at number-nine, this time solo, which is his 21st UK Top 40 hit and his tenth entry into the top ten.

Finally, at #10, we have a nine-spot crash for “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I, hurt by streaming cuts that dumb UK chart rules implement, but also would have possibly cost LadBaby the Christmas #1, and at least his song is vaguely Christmassy, unlike “Dance Monkey”, which would have otherwise spent a consecutive twelfth week at #1 hadn’t it jumped down to #10.

Climbers

We have one non-Christmas climber this week, and it’s “Falling” by Trevor Daniel up nine spaces to #26.

Fallers

We don’t actually have many of these, either, though, but we do have a handful at the tail-end of the chart: “Heartless” by the Weeknd is definitely in freefall, down 13 spaces to #35, whilst “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One curiously goes down seven spaces to #37 after going up seven spaces last week, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi crashes down 11 positions to #38, and “Netflix & Chill” by Fredo collapses down 12 spots to #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

As always with these Christmas weeks, we have quite a few drop-outs, yet very little returning entries. Streaming cuts have dragged out “Memories” by Maroon 5 out from #10 (Thank God), and brought out two other garbage top 20 hits with it: “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B from #13, and “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill from #18. Sadly, a pretty fantastic top 20 hit, Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” featuring Ariana Grande, is out too from #20. Also out from middling positions last week, #37 and #38 respectively, are “Down Like That” by KSI featuring Lil Baby, Rick Ross and S-X, and “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA, from the Frozen II soundtrack. Oh, yeah, and “Professor X” by Dave is out from #40.

In terms of returning entries, we only have one revolving around pretty depressing circumstances. The early death of 21-year-old emo-rapper Juice WRLD, one that we have seen a lot on this show, has propelled his song “Lucid Dreams” back to #27. For what it’s worth, the song has grown on me a lot since its release, and I’ve said my peace on the matter on Twitter. Rest in peace, Jared Higgins.

There is one returning entry and one drop-out that I’ve missed, but we’ll talk about them later.

IT’S CHIRSTMAS INNIT

First of all, the non-movers, climbers and fallers: If “River” by Ellie Goulding counts, it’s down three spots to #11, but otherwise... “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is at #14, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens is at #16, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid is up two to #17, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John is up six to #19, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is down one spot to #24, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis is up four to #25, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is up three to #28, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard is up five to #29, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade is up five to #31, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee is at #32 and “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson is up six to #33.

We have one Christmassy returning entry, and that is the festive albeit creepy “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia back at #36. Combined with the Christmassy new arrival and the songs within the top 10, that means we have within 15 to 17 holiday songs on the “Christmas chart” (More on that later). So, basically, we’re 50% Christmas here on the UK Top 40... arguably, disputably, whatever. Here are the Album Bomb(s)?

ALBUM BOMB(S)?: Heavy is the Head by Stormzy and Fine Line by Harry Styles

This is a pretty awkward album bomb as I’ve already covered most things about Stormzy in the Top 10 section and it’s really disputable if Harry Styles had an album bomb but he had one debut and one re-entry as well as a faller, all from the same album, so I’m counting that as an album bomb. Rod Stewart, however, the damned fool, didn’t get an album bomb however he got the Christmas #1 on the albums chart, trumping both UK rapper and songwriter Stormzy at #2, and former One Direction member and current rockstar Harry Styles at #3.

I haven’t heard Heavy is the Head but I’m excited to check it out. I’m weary of its length, but some of the features seem intriguing. Its impact on this chart is weakened by both UK chart rules only allowing for three songs and the fact that, well, it’s Christmas, technically. That would also explain why Harry Styles’ “Lights Up” dropped out from #33 this week, as it was the single that performed the least, whilst “Watermelon Sugar” is back at #18 and “Adore You” has dropped off one spot from its debut, landing at #12 on this chart. Before we even get to exciting new music from Stormzy, let’s cover some weaksauce garbage from Harry Styles.

#39 – “Falling” – Harry Styles

Produced by Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson – Peaked at #62 in the US

Aw, do I have to? Well, I’ve already said how much I disliked Styles’ sophomore record and why, back on last episode (And the last paragraph) actually, so I don’t need to bring it up again. “Falling” is Styles’ fifth UK Top 40 hit, and the third best-performing song from the album; three is all allowed from one album on the UK Top 40. Styles had an actual album bomb on the Hot 100, and this one charted decently high there too. Also, fun fact: since Trevor Daniel is still here, this marks the first time in forever that two identically-named songs with entirely different lyrics and content (I.e., aren’t covers) have charted simultaneously. Somehow, and I dread to think, the Trevor Daniel song may be better. The pianos here are reverb-heavy and saturated so much to the point where I geta feeling of drab, moist dread, which is represented in the production overall, especially when Harry Styles belts and his vocals clip pretty heavily in the mix here. The lyrics are specific and do resonate to some extent, especially the self-referential and dare I say meta second verse, and I can’t exactly say Styles’ delivery is unconvincing, despite it reminding me too much of Lewis Capaldi than it probably should – you’re a much better singer than him or this, Harry. If the production wasn’t so shoddy and it wasn’t four plodding minutes, perhaps this gross, distorted excerpt of a power ballad wouldn’t be so excruciating, but alas, here we are. Good effort, I suppose.

#9 – “Lessons” – Stormzy

Produced by Ed Thomas

I have no idea what to expect. It’s the penultimate track on the album and it’s produced by some guy I don’t know. I haven’t been this clueless about a song before hearing it on this show in months, but it’s actually pretty high here because of how it touches upon Stormzy’s personal life, specifically his relationship with television presenter Maya Jama... and I really want to like this. The song is honest and soulful, with Stormzy admitting his faults in the relationship multiple times, and I enjoy the theme of childhood that he toys around with in the verses, but it’s really vague to exactly how he “disrespected” her, and I’m not asking for a vent that details his entire relationship with Jama but it feels somewhat insincere if the closest you get to a specific memory is either having candles lit up, which is overwhelmingly common, and pacing around the kitchen after a fight, “like this s**t is foul”. Some of these rhymes are also pretty painful. Rhyming “Maya” with “Maya”, and then, “fire” with “desire”? Come on, man, you’re better than that, and there is a lack of internal rhymes or even a comprehensive flow to the whole thing. I do like the vintage R&B beat with some very 90s keys sprinkled through the fake finger-snaps, and the blocky percussion is pretty smooth, albeit too stiff to make the chorus work at all, as it’s just really odd, aimless, multi-tracked rambling, with really half-hearted singing vocals from Stormzy. I don’t know, I really want to like this, but the content is overly vague, the production is dull and uninteresting, and the performance is just the same, as he sounds like he hasn’t slept in days. Maybe that’s the point? Probably, but it doesn’t make this song any more endearing. Sorry, I really wanted to like this, so a half-decent single here sounds like the biggest disappointment, but it’s just passable at best, really.

#6 – “Audacity” – Stormzy featuring Headie One

Produced by Fraser T. Smith

This is the banger of the record, with an up-and-coming UK drill rapper, that would burst onto the chart with a wham... whilst also being right next to WHAM!, but that’s a coincidence. T. Smith is on the boards, Stormzy and Headie One are on the mic, and they sound hungry. Any time Stormzy starts off a track with that trailing “It’s like...” ad-lib, I know it’s going to be ferocious, and this is what this track is. Over looming 808 bass and crawling synths, Stormzy is losing his breath, rasping through his bars because of his insistency to do an angered one-take, like a madman, and it sounds angry and really violent. I’m genuinely kind of scared, it kind of works like Bobby Schmurda’s “Hot Boy” because its purpose is to paint such a vivid picture of gang violence that it gives you goosebumps. Stormzy is talking about inexperienced rappers dissing him... and in the first verse, he goes into detail about why he wants to kill this man, in an oddly calm demeanour before he starts losing it once he starts talking about how he’s going to “skeng-fry his dome”, even accepting the gunsmoke (Both literally and figuratively) that this person tries to use to intimidate Stormzy as just weed smoke, which sounds a lot more savage than I made it sound. Headie One is more melodic on this mix of nasty grime synths and UK drill bass beats, but his more casual delivery really makes the pretty funny bars somewhat intoxicating, especially when he says, “Knowledge is power, ask Gandhi”, which is just hilariously nonsensical... but it’s still not great. It runs way too long at four minutes, and feels pretty repetitive and like a drone by the end, especially due to lack of a true climax. Also the beat just fades out and leaves Stormzy’s isolated vocal, which is abruptly cut off by the end too, so that just sounds awkward. I wish I liked this more, but it sounds more like a weak “Wiley Flow” than the anthemic “Vossi Bop” or the pounding “Sounds of the Skeng”. I still like it, though, it’s just a fair bit duller than Stormzy’s usual offerings in this trap banger lane. Speaking of that, I listened to “Big Michael” out of curiosity and that was freaking amazing, so why didn’t that chart instead of these comparatively mediocre offerings?

One week, it’s “Blinded by Your Grace” / Next week, it’s bang you in your face!

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 –“Happy Christmas (War is Over)” – John Legend

I have no production or chart data for this one, because, guess what? It’s another Christmassy cover song released by an aging and increasingly irrelevant pop star exclusively on platforms that provide more sales and hence boost its false chart placement. I’m glad this is only a holiday thing because it’d drive me up the wall if this was done often. Legend released his Christmas album in 2018, called A Legendary Christmas, and it included many covers, including the infamous “woke” “Baby it’s Cold Outside” rendition with Kelly Clarkson on the 2019 deluxe edition. Of course, this song’s not on said deluxe edition for whatever reason... he really couldn’t just cover a nice old Christmas song, he had to do the controversial songs, huh? The whole album is really disposable garbage filled with novelty and commercialised merriment. I used to really like this guy but he is far beyond receiving my best wishes at this point in his career. Uh, the original song is a hot mess as well. Let’s just get to the meat and potatoes, no pun intended.

#1 – “I Love Sausage Rolls” – LadBaby

Produced by LadBaby

No, not DaBaby. LadBaby. Okay, so, first of all, this potentially isn’t the true “Christmas #1”, as after all, this chart was released before Christmas Day and doesn’t count sales that were made on December 25th, although the press seems to have accepted this as the Christmas #1, and have highly publicised it as such, so I’m allowing it, even though I guess you could dispute that. Second of all, LadBaby is a YouTuber who makes comedy videos or vlogs or something? I don’t know, I don’t pay attention. The video for this that they showed on Top of the Pops (Yes, this was aired on Top of the Pops) had his family in, all wearing sausage roll outfits, so maybe he’s a family vlogger? Speaking of those outfits, the same family is featured on the cover, which is a parody of the famous Abbey Road album cover by the Beatles. Not only is that not a Christmas album but it equally doesn’t work because this is a parody of a Joan Jett song, “I Love Rock and Roll”. Finally, LadBaby got to the top before with “We Built This City” in 2018, a parody of the Starship song with the exact same punchline as this one. Bottom line, this is just a novelty song with a dumb punchline and pretty terrible production, because as with all YouTube songs, it sounds cheap and very royalty-free. These guys can’t sing, especially not LadBaby himself, but it really doesn’t matter because we’re not supposed to actually listen to this. We’re supposed to listen once and have a chuckle, and move on, but sadly, this isn’t even funny enough for me to snigger. I’m not a fan, and if Tones and I’s song hadn’t crashed as hard as it did thanks to dumb UK chart rules, LadBaby would be even less liable to stick the landing next year, and I really hope he doesn’t.

Conclusion

On principle, I feel like giving a tied Worst of the Week to John Legend for his annoying exclusivity and really garbage album that “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” is connected to, alongside LadBaby, for hitting the #1 spot with a cheap novelty song in “I Love Sausage Rolls”, which is a joke he’s done before, instead of Stormzy or, you know, an actual Christmas song. In reality, I haven’t heard the John Legend song and I don’t even want to, and the LadBaby song isn’t really worth getting angry about. The Best of the Week is just as hard to pick due to the sheer lack of quality on display here, but I’ll give it to Stormzy and Headie One for “Audacity”, I guess.

I hope you guys enjoyed this second season of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – I know it was a rocky one, but we got there in the end. I can’t really say happy holidays because I’m a day or two late from Christmas but I’ll definitely say thank you for reading this past year. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week – but that’ll be next season, and possibly next year.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

[book-o-scams]

What do you think of the Kanker's presence in Jingle Jingle Jangle? How is it different from their other appearances?

OKAY I FINALLY DID IT!  Step right up and see analysis of the Kankers’ parts of Jingle Jingle Jangle!  Only 3 or 4 weeks late!

First of all, in case I never analyze this special in full, I want to call out that this whole way of connecting the Eds’ A Plot to the Kankers’ B Plot is complete nonsense.... randomly discarded and forgotten flashlight + conveniently placed mirror = reflection of light pointed at the sky = Star of Bethlehem that uses Godlight to deliver sexual harassment to the main characters???  It is a purely visual idea, and what’s worse it seemingly has no meaning....  is it punishment for wasting a battery??  Then what was the point of the special’s other Chekhov’s lightbulb!?

Was that just a spiritual redemption, but not an escape from his punishment?  

Is it punishment for breaking his parents’ trust?  

Is it just to say the Kankers’ lives are sadder and this universe’s god prioritizes them above the Eds or anyone else?

Or is the Snow itself an entity, like the Static?  Both are terms to refer to television fuzz….  

Is Evil Tim in control of the holidays, with all the magical Santas and Elves and Monsters that get to appear in these episodes???  

The Snow is even the first thing to appear, in detailed close-up for one time, before the rest of the universe fades into existence, ushering Plank (and Jonny) into the digital era before the Eds OR the Kankers get to appear at all, and scenes where the snow is coming down are markedly more abstract and focused on the characters being quiet and internalizing their emotions.  

Is supernature itself overwhelming the characters at will and leading them to cruel fates!?  

Is the supersnow meant as a warning of the literal and figurative after-effects bound to invade any show switching to digital!?  

SOMEBODY STOP ME!

The snow even just fades out when Eddy’s light starts glowing.

I’m sorry to begin with a whole silly rant. It’s just that Christmas specials are normally the one episode of any show that can be counted on to let the main characters have a win.  The show was set to end with its stagnant nihilistic 4th season, so it was a miracle to get the holiday specials or digital era at all...  So this Kanker ending stung more than usual.

That said, this special has won me over as an adult!  The series’ first foray into digital animation looks really gorgeous and it’s such a visually driven special, you can’t look away.   The animation is unfortunately a little better than the digital era could make consistent, but it’s close enough to feel like the same show as everything that came before and after it.  Definitely some of the most experimental style choices the show ever made. I’m always so glad the backgrounds are still hand-painted throughout Jingle Jingle Jangle.

I’m fascinated by the way this star is clearly a digital effect, but at the same time it avoids being too high quality for EEnE by mostly looking like a dry brush (like when they do those paint-blurs when the characters move fast), and animating the star as white outlines with no color inside when they could easily do a real light effect is an interesting choice.  It captures the eery prettiness the star’s role demands without betraying the show’s sketchiness.

I really like the music direction this whole special, but this opening to the Kankers’ Christmas is one of my favorite parts.  It is about a minute long and starts 2 and a half minutes into the special.

As we start hearing dialogue from Lee, the camera whips down to the trailer park and the Kankers’ theme music drums in.  This is the one time the show really made me aware the Kankers have a theme so now I always keep an ear out for that music cue.  I know it fills most of their appearances in Big Picture Show.

Inside, the Kankers sit and squabble as always, playing with a box of Krazy Krackers.  Apparently Christmas Crackers are a more popular thing in the UK (the show had a lot of UK influence around this time, with Rachel Connor joining as head writer in the next season), but I think it’s been confirmed to be a Canadian thing too now.

Room analysis!   The Kankers seem to have to make do when it comes to decorations… They have lights on the staircase and around the windows, and a cute wreathe with a red light on top of their TV, but their tree is a lone stick that has 7 branches if it’s lucky, it’s plugged into the wall yet the one light on it isn’t working, and most of the ornaments seem to be recyclables, barbed wire, or orbs that have fallen from the tree.  Oven mitts have been hung from the wall in place of stockings and rather than garland, they’ve trimmed their living room with chains, fishing lures and… are those shower curtain lines?

This is probably the most the show really gets across how big of an economic difference there is between the cul-de-sac and the trailer park.  The kids, even Ed and Eddy (unfortunately we see little of Edd’s family’s Christmas traditions), seem to have very gaudy and extravagant decorations, most of them appear to be expecting family or coworker Christmas parties later in the evening.  The Kankers’ trailer is sparse by comparison.

Marie being the least cheery at Christmas is probably the most punk thing about her..

Focusing Kanker scenes on May is pretty typical of this point in the series, but I like how infallibly nice May is in this one.  Marie tries to blow the Christmas cracker up in May’s face, and yet May barely reacts to the threat level here as anything out of the ordinary.  Then again, this scene likely exaggerates how much these things are like firecrackers.

May calls the cracker a dud, so of course Lee razzes her, “just like you, huh, May?”  This moment has a good undertone of Lee trying to readjust Marie’s negativity to more of a light ribbing, to fit the season.

REALLY COOL DIGITAL DRYBRUSH EXPLOSION EFFECTS…

What’s the deal with this eyepatch on Marie though?  Is this just a “under the bangs” teaser gag like the one frame three-eyed Lee in BPS?  The artists don’t try nearly as hard to hide Marie’s full face as they do Lee’s….  Is it just an unexplained one-episode injury like Jimmy’s?  

so glad even the digital X-mas special gets inverted frames, one of the most interesting visual features of the series’ early episodes

Good honest reactions of concern for May from Marie and Lee..

WHAT IS THIS A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!?

“Look, Lee, May got a makeover~!”

….how desensitized have they become to slapstick!?  Sarah and Jimmy react to a similar gag with Eddy casually decapitating Ed next season with utter horror and confusion!

Apparently the most important thing here is that Marie wasn’t left out of getting a crown.

5 fingers on her right hand for one pose…

Note that the Kankers have replaced their wall unit’s knick knacks with Christmas cards from their invisible friends and family! 

 “Joy”

 “HAVE A XMAS” 

“From Your Father” (please appreciate this rare acknowledgement of the likelihood of a preferred Kanker dad)

“Ho Ho Ho” 

“Happy Kwanza” (also the one acknowledgment of other winter holidays in this Christmas special and I don’t think it’s even spelled correctly… I thought for sure at least JIMMY would celebrate Hanukkah or something…)

“[doodle of a candy cane]”

“DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?” 

one of this special’s many references to classic holiday staples, in this case the song, ‘Do You Hear What I Hear?’  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_You_Hear_What_I_Hear%3F

“Something twinkling in the sky!”

This opening scene to their plot starts the Kankers off as unusually innocent and naive, seemingly motivated only by an attraction to light, like moths.  Lee even has to ask “where is it?” to which Marie correctly points out that May already said the star was in the sky.

To be fair, Lee’s hair was blocking her eye, and we finally get to see her eye for the first time since season 1!

I LOVE this little detail of Lee twirling her foot before skipping out of frame.

Marie rises, embarrassed to have been choked and dropped so carelessly.

She tries to save face by telling May to come on.

May’s Christmas cheer will not be defeated!  

She teases Marie by giving Marie the same “come on” command.

Iconic!!  Doesn’t this shot kinda make you think of the night scenes in Disney’s Aladdin?

10 minutes later, we get another minute of Kanker B-plot.  I don’t think any other episode ever gets this close to the super-geometric outline-eradicating Samurai-Jack-esque style Rod Filbrandt uses in concept art for his backgrounds..

Such background porn…  I’m really unsettled by the weird abandoned signs of life this God Light takes the Kankers to…  It’s like a trail of death leading to the Eds’ bad ending and the Kankers are too desensitized to pick up on that.

Lee gives her sisters a quick glance as they approach.

Lee and May unintentionally shut Marie out and she steps around.

Also, I’ll give them points for the “gold, frankincense and myrrh” = “mold, franks and cents, and fur” rhyme gag, but only because I wasn’t aware of that part of the nativity scene until this special aired.  I was 13 when this came out, which means I’d already done like 8 grades of Catholic school, how did they fail to make any impression on me!?   But honestly, that’s a weird punchline to try and use as a button on this bit.  And as much as I love the art in that montage, it seems like it would’ve worked even better as a mood-setting detail if they found each gift separately between each house Eddy visited.

“What the heck is it?“  Pretty sure her mouth colors are mismatched.

“It’s a sign, stupid.“   Touching.

I love when they all look up in unison.

They look more confused as they walk away.

I’m really interested in how extra moody Marie seems in this montage.  I also noticed that their frostbitten walk through the snow seems to be slightly foreshadowing of the walk Eddy goes on in the climax.  

This is a really iconic shot and camera direction for me too, and it’s the one appearance of the junkyard at night in the whole show (as a setting, there’s at least one episode that shows it from overhead at night).  It’s also one of like 3 uses of the junkyard as a setting in the digital era.  And here you can barely even recognize it under the snow.  Still looks great, though!

They are SO introspective over this star… what are they contemplating?  Should we retroactively assume they’re regretting their situations with the Eds post-Fistful, or accept that this special wasn’t made in chronological order and think of something less specific, like family troubles or… just not thinking anything particular at all???  

Lee and May stare dumbfounded at their lost-in-thought sister.

Very cute Maries.

Love that unoutlined background pipe.

This glow effect seems.. broken.

“weiners and pennies!?“

Wait…  …Are you kidding me?  I just noticed that May and Marie are each wearing one half of the same pair of gloves and the same pair of mittens….

Oooh look at this goregous postcard-ready background of the construction site!  The construction site only has one other night scene I can think of that isn’t just an overhead shot, and it’s only one shot of Ed running there to grab a cement mixer during his fight with Nazz in Boo Haw Haw.

I really love how these gradient-silhouettes with blobby purple outlines look.  Their progression through the show’s locations reminds me of the EEnE video games (mainly Jawbreakers! for the GBA because that was the only game they had at this time)…  I think they also used this silhouette style for the kids on the Scam of the Century DS game cover.

i love EEnE vehiclessssss

I love wondering whose coat this is and why it’s been left here…  Also, do the rust and torn seat imply this construction site is officially abandoned? Or is this one of only a few vehicles that got left behind right before Christmas break and is now being ravaged by the elements?

This frame always makes me yearn for a future where Lee is a construction worker. Or demolition!!!

“It’s a coat.  Come on, we’re getting close.“  Oh sure fine, makes sense to me.

We then cut one street over to Eddy in Plot A, where it isn’t snowing, reinforcing the idea that the Kanker’s story is not chronologically synced up to Eddy’s story.

Anyway, another 10 minutes later, we get a final Kanker scene!

The Snow is strong enough to smack Eddy with a door (UNINTENTIONAL BRO FORESHADOWING?).  Eddy is also not very good at boarding a door, apparently.

On a scale of 1-10, how blasphemous is this shot?

The Snow encroaches upon the Eds

“Could it be!?  Three kings who have traveled afar!?“

How serious is that question, Edd.... why would there be three real-ass monarchs in Rolf’s shed in the middle of an American blizzard???

I feel real weird about Edd being so religious in this episode, it’s too soon after season 4 made such a point of Edd not believing in things that cannot be proven…  

I like that the special is religious.  As agnostic as Catholic school made me, Christmas specials that get sentimental about the Christian traditions get the most nostalgia out of me.  But this special and series clearly revels in sin and hopelessness, so I found it kind of jarring how much of this special lets the Bible references be played straight.  Making Edd super religious just so he can continue to be fanserviced as an angel felt a little cheap, and I feel like it creates an undertone that Eddy is being punished for not being as religious as the others around him.

But take my complaints there with a grain of salt, it’s impossible to understand X-mas Special Logic, where it’s not quite Christianity, just some sort of TV-safe offshoot with elves and magic and a generally more fantastical mythology.

Hey the silhouettes are back!

I already spoiled this joke...

I do really like this shot…  Nice to see Rolf’s animals get a Christmas cameo.

I do entertain the idea that the Kankers really think these gifts will warm the Eds’ hearts and earn their admiration.  But we all know this will be a short lived moment.

“This image certainly has the Christmas spirit…“

And now that there’s been a beat of peace, the Kankers reveal their true intention of pressuring the Eds into gifting them some kisses.  The way they trap them in the shed and suggest it’ll last a whole year is really one of the creepiest approaches to a Kanker ending in the whole show.  Obviously it’s not likely it would really last that long, and imo if it’s just kisses it’s not really new or surprising... but it’s still a pretty damn meanspirited ending for a beautifully-crafted holiday special that very easily could have been scrapped by the show’s season 4 cancellation. 

I do love the fur coat being draped over the cow’s face, though.

And it is honestly important to know the Eds can still do well drawn group scream takes in digital.

May and Ed scaring the animals is a nice touch, but I hate how we hear May going “oink” during this walla.

“WAIT”

“I’M AN ANGEL”

“STOP!!!!”

kiiiinda scary

I hate Eddy almost getting away but kinda love this rare separation of his eyes.

At this point my brain dies and I just go “aw the kids are so cute this is the only thing going on look how cute jonny is and kevin is being so nice and rolf is such a killyjoy i love this i love their group what a great xmas special nothing went wrong everyone is singing”

hope you had a good Kanker appreciation month!

*cries*

[birdlord]

What I Watched in 2016

Here are the movies and TV series I watched in 2016, some with commentary and some without. The number after the movies is the date of release, my faves are bolded, and rewatches are marked with as asterisk. Last year’s list!

01 Do I Sound Gay (14)

02 We are The Best! (13)

03 Hateful Eight (15)

04 Welcome to Me (14)

05 For Your Eyes Only (81) - I listened to a lot of back episodes of the James Bonding podcast early this year, which of course led to watching a bunch of Bond movies. Not all, and not in order, certainly.

06 She’s the One (96)

07 * Diamonds are Forever (71)

08 It’s Complicated (09) - I think it was an article about the kitchen design in this movie that led me to watch it?

09 The Natural (84)

10 * Anna Karenina (12) - Never having read the book I can’t REALLY speak to this movie but haha I kinda love its commitment to artifice. 

11 About Time (13)

12 What We Do in the Shadows (14) - I did enjoy this, but wasn’t as taken by it as I thought I might be. Found the werewolves the funniest by far, so I wish they’d turned up more often. 

13 The Abominable Bride (15) - counting this as a movie, it was the Sherlock xmas special and I recall exactly zero about it, so…..must have been amazing, right?

14 Wake in Fright (71) - Never Go To Australia 

15 Hail Caesar (16) - I think I’d have to see it again to determine if the whole thing actually holds together, but at the time, it felt of a piece with the Coen’s cheerier output. 

16 In the Heart of the Sea (15)

17 The Night of the Comet (84)

18 Laggies (14)

19 * Bowling for Columbine (02)

20 A Gentleman’s Agreement (47) - confessional, experiential journalism, but done by Cary Grant in the 40s. Ahead of his time/gender?

21 Barefoot in the Park (67)

22 Suddenly Last Summer (59)

23 Tangerine (15)

24 * His Girl Friday (40)

25 That Touch of Mink (62)

26 * Charlie’s Angels (00)

27 9-5 (80) - Holy shit, somehow I thought this movie was just a rah-rah, girl power story about a bunch of secretaries getting together and overthrowing their boss and yeah, that’s SORT OF it but it gets way way weirder in the final third.

28 * Who Framed Roger Rabbit (88)

29 * The Addams Family (91)

30 * Addams Family Values (93)

31 Frida (02)

32 Bridge of Spies (15) - A E I O U and sometimes SPIES :O

33 Swimming With Sharks (94)

34 Sleeping With the Enemy (91)

35 Fatal Attraction (87) - Watched this movie and the previous one as part of an 80s/90s thriller weekend. These two are an interesting contrast to one another, being as the first is about an abusive husband and the second focuses on the most notable example of the “crazy ex-girlfriend”.

36 1 Cloverfield Lane (16)

37 The Man Who Never Was (56)

38 * To Die For (95) - This was a super fave of Teen Emily, who definitely identified with the Lydia character. Watching this time was a huge reminder than Illeana Douglas is a goddamn national treasure.

39 Trouble In Paradise (32)

40 Eraser (96)

41 * Flashdance (83)

42 * Notting Hill (99)

43 Gone to Earth (50) - Not the best Powell and Pressburger out there, but one takes what one can get, right?

44 Holiday Camp (47)

45 Never Sleep Again (10) - This is a four-hour doc about the entire Nightmare on Elm St series, and is the reason I watched Freddy’s Revenge a couple of movies down the list. It’s not a series that I have a particular attachment to, so I learned a ton.

46 Clouds of Sils Maria (15)

47 Mommie Dearest (81) - I’m not sure that I have enough appreciation for high camp to really get into this. There were some moments, but overall it’s a fine example of the kind of thing that is Not For Me.

48 Nightmare on Elm St: Freddy’s Revenge (85)

49 Inside Man (06)

50 Trainwreck (15)

51 White God (14)

52 * Sleepwalk With Me (12)

53 Amy (15)

54 * Meatballs (79)

55 Everybody Wants Some!! (16) - I found this a huge disappointment, and I’ve been a bit mystified by its positive reviews and inclusion on critics’ end of year lists. While D&C definitely has a “main character”, and we do follow him and his friends, other people and subsets of the high school are given serious time and consideration. Ultimately, I don’t think following this one dude tripping through a bunch of different college subsets was as illuminating. Plus, weak jokes.

56 * Dazed & Confused (93) - had to cleanse the mind-palate by watching the original!

57 Summertime (55)

58 The Money Pit (86)

59 Zombeavers (14)

60 Mistress America (15) - I am finding Greta Gerwig more and more charming, the more I see of her. Greta, let’s be friends!

61 While We’re Young (14)

62 The Invitation (16) - quite effective, very upper-middle-class bohemian LA horror film. I’ve heard some complaints about the final scene, but I thought it was an effective & clever way to show an expanding scope without an extra expense or sets.

63 End of Days (99)

64 Escape From New York (81)

65 Escape from L.A. (96) - Watched these two together, on the same night. They definitely should NOT be watched that way, given how identical the plots are. Unbelievably terrible ’96-era CGI in the second one, hard to believe that Jurassic Park was three years previous?? Gotta get that Spielberg money, am I right?

66 High Rise (16) - my only real disappointment in this movie was not being around to see the decline of the civilization - we jump straight from things being fine (if weird) and everything gone to heck. My favourite part is the decline, give me decline!

67 The Great Outdoors (88)

68 * Catch Me If You Can (02)

69 Little Darlings (80) - just your classic losing-virginity-at-camp story, but…wait for it….with GIRLS.

70 * Good Will Hunting (97)

71 Popstar (16) - diminishing returns, but some funny bits (mostly in the songs, not surprisingly). 

72 Tarzan (16) - watched this with friends and relatives, at a drive-in theatre a couple of days after my wedding! It’s NOT a good movie, but it was a fun time.

73 Love & Friendship (16) - got completely obsessed with Tom Bennett based on his 100% rate of scene-stealing in this film. Sevigny feels utterly out of place - am I capable of seeing her in a period piece set before, say, 1975 without feeling weird about it?

74 The Night Before (15)

75 Ghostbusters (16) - So I know I was supposed to be charmed by Kate McKinnon, but her schtick just doesn’t work on me, for whatever reason. I was also really frustrated by the final fight scene of this movie - it had obviously been hacked up in editing, and wtf is up with punching ghosts instead of containing them? I’m glad this movie happened, and certainly a great deal of the criticism it came in for was deeply unfair, but it was distinctly disappointing to find that this movie just wasn’t that great.

76 Brooklyn (15)

77 Poltergeist (82)

78 * Before Sunrise (95)

79 Love & Basketball (00) - Effusive praise for this movie somehow came to my attention from all over the place this year, so I finally had to watch it.

80 The Man Who Knew Too Much (56)

81 * Road House (89)

82 Carol (15) - watching this FINALLY allowed me to fully participate in Today’s Meme Culture

83 * Out of Sight (98)

84 Happy Texas (99)

85 Red Rock West (93)

86 Weiner Dog (15)

87 The Trouble With Harry (55)

88 * When Harry Met Sally (89)

89 Jungle Fever (91)

90 Ocean’s 11 (01)

91 Star Trek Beyond (16)

92 Two For the Road (67)

93 * Seven Year Itch (55)

94 Maggie’s Plan (15) - like I said earlier about Greta Gerwig? I liked this one even more than Mistress.

95 The Dish (00)

96 Splash (84)

97 Desk Set (57) - watching this and the next were inspired by stumbling across a blog about depictions of librarians on film. I particularly hit on this one because I’ve always wanted to see a Hepburne/Tracy film, and never had (to my memory, anyhow).

98 Party Girl (95) - one of those movies I’d always noticed on the shelves at the video store, and never actually watched it.

99 * Young Frankenstein (74) - saw this in the theatre, Gene Wilder notwithstanding I…..don’t think it’s good. It’s only extremely intermittently funny, you guys! Plus, the Putting’ on the Ritz bit makes me uncomfortable (especially in audio-only form, which I heard TOO many times after Wilder died).

100 The House of the Devil (09)

101* The Witches of Eastwick (87)

102 The Borning (81)

103 * Shaun of the Dead (04)

104 Dolores Claiborne (95)

105 The Conjuring 2 (13)

106 In a Valley of Violence (16) - definitely watched this because I happened across an article about the movie’s dog star. 

107 The Witch (16) - very effective in getting across the supernatural, natural, and social dangers of early puritan America, and Black Philip has entered my idiolect for any creepy animal/person/twitter feed. 

108 * Wayne’s World (92)

109 What if (13) - riffs on When Harry Met Sally’s fundamental question of women and men being friends, and basically comes to the same conclusion. yawn.

110 The Martian (15) - I read the book as part of a book club last year, and finally got around to watching the film. Since I found the worst of the writing in the book to be those passages dealing with description, the movie was a lot less annoying to experience.

111 Sleepless in Seattle (93)

112 * Thelma & Louise (91)

113 Casino (95)

114 Other People (16) - wept several times. GOSH I love Jesse Plemons, he’s so hugely sympathetic. Would watch in virtually anything.

115 The Life & Death of Colonel Blimp (43)

116 Primary Colors (98)

117 Edge of Seventeen (16)

118 *Die Hard (88) - loaded up the laptop with this and the next four xmas-set movies, for watching on planes and in airports, while we were on the road at christmastime.

119 *Batman Returns (92)

120 *Scrooged (88)

121 * The Apartment (60)

Theatre - 5

Drive-in - 1

All the rest at home or at friends’ homes!

TV SERIES

*The Office US S2-3

War & Peace (2016) - you bet your BOOTS I started the book after watching this. Did I finish it? Not even close.

Love (2016)

Better Call Saul S2 - this is a show I enjoy while I’m watching it, but I don’t particularly find it memorable. Why? Who knows. It’s still something I look forward to, but not a show that sticks with me.

Great British Bake off *S1, *S2, S7 + Xmas Specials - a eulogy for Bake-Off as it was. Pour one (pint of double cream, that is) out for what once was.

Broad City S5

Travel Man S1, S2 - I find Richard Ayoade so desperately charming, but ever time I’ve watched one of the movies he’s directed, I’ve ended up disappointed. This show is a bit hit or miss, depending on the guests he brings along, and the episodes definitely have a sameness to them, but if you find this guy even a sliver as entertaining as I do, it’ll pull you along anyhow.

The Night Manager - so looking forward to Hugh Laurie’s upcoming career phase as Bond Villain.

Cooked

Newsradio S1-S3 - I’d seen an episode or two of this over the years but never sat down to fully appreciate it. It’s making me miss Phil Hartman all over again, a fresh devastation, plus haha did u know Tone Loc plays a security guard on this show? It’s all true.

Lady Dynamite

OJ Made In America - I’ll count this as a series, since I didn’t watch it in the theatre. Still haven’t seen the other big OJ series of 2016, but I loved loved LOVED this. What impressed me the most is that, in spite of its 7 hour+ running time there were still aspects of this story that could have been expanded upon.

Silicon Valley S3

* Veep S1, S2

Catastrophe S2

Pulling - went back in time to get more Sharon Horgan in my life, since Catastrophe seasons are terribly short and far-between. I’d been aware of this show for a long time, and somehow wasn’t expecting it to be as near-devastating as it ended up being. What, did I forget what a British show was like?

Another Period S2

Difficult People S1, S2 - Another late discovery, but a great one. A fine example of just giving some funny people a show, and letting them just do their thing on it every week.

Fleabag - yes, I’m in for this, obviously. And if I wasn’t, the show designed itself to put me off, from the first moments. A wise move!

One Mississippi

Very British Problems S1, S2

Atlanta - I’ve got a bad feeling that this show’s deserved success will lead to surreal elements being deployed, but much less deftly than they were here.

Please Like Me S1-S4 - Tore through this entire series greedily, am now suffering until they make another season. Balances some very harrowing elements with comedy and an ensemble cast of loveable/terrible humans.

Divorce - Sharon Horgan’s writing minus her acting is a hollow empty shell, but hey, I’ll take what I can get, when I can get it.

The Fall S3 - I’d decided last year after S2 that I was done with this show, and yet, here we are, I was drawn back in.

The Crown

Insecure

[elizabethrobertajones]

Yesterday I finally caught up with probably half of Tumblr and finished watching Sense8 (*hugs my new Netflix account*)... 

I really enjoyed it and I guess it lives up to the hype, though waiting forever to watch it kind of took the edge off, since I was curious enough to examine every gifset on my dash for the last... couple of years? since it appeared. I really like how everyone’s so in love with the characters and their dynamics that despite learning a great deal about almost every character and their relationships, I 1: didn’t even know Naveen Andrews was in it and 2: had no idea what the main plot was and assumed it was mostly just a great big action/romance romp with random soulmate dynamics thrown in to spice it up. :P 

And it’s brilliant as a soap opera ignoring the main plot, as several characters have pretty much nothing to do with it (yet? I started off trying to analyse the plot and linked up Capheus, Kala and Sun as the most important players in an epic biomedical scandal involving the businesses and such they’re tied up in that must surely link further back to all the sinister stuff with the real bad guys, and then of course nothing’s come of that yet in a season + Christmas special...) and definitely one of its main strengths is the characters and their relationships and interactions, especially as with so many ways to sort them, and some plots with a lot of one on one cross over, characters you’d come to know and love were still meeting each other for the first time fairly late on. 

Anyway, Daryl Hannah floating around being the fridged woman with a remarkable resemblance to Mary Winchester aside (I feel so sorry for actresses whose entire role is wearing a dirty/bloodstained nightgown while making spooky appearances for the sake of the main characters :P) the actual plot seems like Orphan Black in many respects, and the more I think about it the more connections I make, aside from the obvious of Weird Science bothering a group of seemingly normal people who then discover they’re actually clones/soulmates with a whole bunch of other people they have uncanny connections to. By the end of the current season of Orphan Black, our protagonist clone is even having sustained visions of the clone who started the series with the suicide of one of their own who, like Daryl Hannah, kicked off the entire plot for the main characters, and her daughter seems to be psychically connecting to the other clones through the same Weird Science as Sense8. There’s a strong focus on life and death and altogether too much childbirth stuff on screen :P

I think Sense8′s advantage is that it’s much less confined by the format not just that it can be absolutely openly as diverse as it wants to be, but because without having to be somewhat procedural or else fitting the regular format of TV shows, you can get the really long, weird sequences which aren’t really doing anything except quiet, meaningful stretches of character stuff. There are story arcs per episode, but the entire thing moves incredibly slowly. I swear Orphan Black made the same progress through the plot in a handful of episodes as Sense8 has done so far in its entire run. 

Obviously neither show is finished yet, and in several important respects Sense8 blows Orphan Black out of the water, with OB being included in the great Onscreen Queer Women Massacre of the start of the year it only just bought my interest but not my trust back by backpeddaling that... and even if they always intended to bring said murdered queer woman back, they’ve not allowed the couple in question to just exist happily and unapologetically, and inflicted that trope on us in the first place... they also DID apologise while at the same time doing it, admitted they were aware they should use a trans actor to play a trans character but because of the clone thing, still used Tatiana to play a surprise brother clone they threw in for one episode basically, I guess, to show something about variation etc, and at this point I don’t know if it’s for the best he’s not in a ton of episodes, although weird they never mention him again after that. 

Sense8 has a much clearer sense of these issues, though its attempt to portray a broad stroke of human existence world wide has netted it a lot of criticism for stereotyping & racist tropes in those portrayals, which I’m not equipped to comment on, but as someone who wearily watches a lot of media, certainly none of the non-western, white, stories felt particularly unexpected or not like something I could see elsewhere... Orphan Black has mostly stayed clear of those issues by just not going near them; the actual cast when you narrow it down away from the character list is still very white. Throw in the dozens of versions of Tatiana and the other clone guy and they’ve got endless room to add in as many more characters as they like, obviously all versions of the same white actors dressed up differently.

... in any case, Sense8′s plot gave me a fair amount of deja vu to the show I’d already watched, but because OB put me off several times (and yet I kept coming back to it :P) I don’t have a very clear memory of the first season’s plot to make a stronger side by side comparison. I’m mostly intrigued by the sense of the huge terrifying rich biotech and medical corporations, doing Weird Science juuust beyond the range of what we can understand now, or with a slight science-fantasy element to it, relying on real world conspiracies or Fortean Times level suspicions of what might possibly be real if you wanted to believe tales of precognition, telepathy, etc. In Sense8 there’s a few mentions of ~real~ stories of such things, but I can’t remember if OB went over it yet. 

Certainly in both there’s a sense of unity and impossible but unbreakable family bonds, and a lot of exploration of who the Self is vs these huge faceless corporations. OB cycles through several villains or weird cults and such as the bad guys, each one in turn unknowable but powerful or embedded in a way with science or military or religious connections that make them dangerous to go up against. It’s hard to tell exactly what message Sense8 has about it because so much less plot involving it has unfurled but it’s obviously not good news with the big corporations, definitions of humanity, and secret conspiracy to police what is human and what is not. It even sets the entire viewing audience against the Sensates as part of a mass of non-sensate people who lack the emotional connection and empathy to feel like they do, implying the whole lot of us are murderous and cold as a result... In this way the evil scientists out to get them are only the very personal version of ALL the struggles they face, represented by that moment in the Xmas special where they all see the writing on the wall at Lito’s house transform into the worst things they have been called. 

It takes a much colder view of humanity, making it us or them, and for us, switching which of those groups we identify with by way of sympathy to the main characters. OB is less personal in that way but focuses on the dangers of science trying to create a better human, and while the clones are supposedly all “improved” humans, they have enough flaws, physically and emotionally (although yikes, Krystal makes me sure they have latent super soldier genes none of the others have properly unlocked except maybe the unkillable Helena :P) that they don’t come across as totally othered for more than the unfortunate circumstances of their births they obviously didn’t ask for. Rachel as the only one raised in the know ends up the most dangerous of them all, perhaps for having her sense of humanity denied to her and knowing for most of her life that she was only an experiment and property of the company. What makes the rest of humans human isn’t in question so much as how much the clones might belong with humanity, and that they could grow up oblivious and fit in emotionally, and still have human values even when they discover they’re “only” property and experimental prototypes who’ve been living almost Truman show lives. In that respect, Sarah as the narrator is the most free and human because she was raised outside of the program with no influence from it whatsoever - narratively it’s not coincidental that she and Helena are also the only clones who are fertile and can have children.

... I’ve been making connections all day but this post is really long now so I’m going to stop here. I want to rewatch Orphan Black now, since I noticed it on the Netflix menu and I’m having a bit of a cackling wildly, world at my fingertips moment here. :P 

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 11:06 pm dark/rainy/writing

Welcome to 8 Questions with…….

Recently I had a chance to review a wickedly funny short film called “Basic” which was written and directed by our next guest,Chelsea Devantez. Oh yeah,she also starred in it as well. While Chelsea has been compared to Tina Fey and Amy Schumer,I found myself thinking she is like Chelsea Devantez. I found Chelsea to be warm,witty and very gracious as well as very funny. Of all the different acting genres in today’s world,I have to say that comedy is the hardest. It takes a lot of blood,sweat and tears to work your way up through the ranks of being a good comedian. Chelsea has done that and more. Be it working with the famed Second City comedy group in Chicago,to co-hosting a podcast and now becoming a comedy writer on TV where Chelsea is rapidly becoming well known for her own unique take on what comedy is .  It hasn’t always been easy but then again,when has comedy in its many forms ever been easy. While Chelsea has been compared to Tina Fey and the late Gilda Radner,I don’t think that is right…I think Chelsea is her own woman with her own voice and she can do whatever she sets her creative heart on.  You can see her writing talent on display in the hit comedy “Bless This Mess” which stars Lake Bell and Dax Shepard and airs on ABC. Now it’s time to ask 8 Questions with the multi-talented Chelsea Devantez…..

         Please introduce yourself and tell us about your current project.

   What’s up! My name is Chelsea Devantez, I am a writer, director and comedian. I made a short film called BASIC that was set to screen at SXSW, which of course got cancelled. Now you can see it online at www.shortoftheweek.com and it’s also a Vimeo Staff Pick and a Lady With Lenses pick! 

What three things drew you to comedy?

  There’s an old adage that comedy comes from pain, and that’s very true with me. I had so much pain inside me that it never even came out as pain, it tipped into comedy and that’s been the way I’ve been able to express myself. I find comedy/sadness is like a water faucet — the water can be really hot but then you turn it a little more and suddenly it’s cold again. I came up in comedy at The Second City, Chicago which specializes in satire. Satire is about turning an unfair situation on its head, heightening it, and putting the punchline on the abusing power, in order to shed light on the underdog. So I found comedy was a way to get people to listen to a political opinion they might otherwise not be open to, or an opinion people would have if they just had all the information. It was also a way to get people to listen to me at all, being a woman, ha! Finally I just love to fuck around and I love to laugh and have fun and now I sound like a Tinder profile. 

What is a “comedy troupe” and how does one get invited?

   A comedy troupe is an ensemble of comedians whose comedy comes from working together — either writing sketch shows, or doing long form improv, or short form improv, or making videos etc… You don’t have to be invited — you can just create your own if you want. My journey is that I took improv classes from every single improv theater I came near. I met friends in those classes and we formed our own shitty comedy troupes that would perform in basements of sandwich shops. Then as I got better I auditioned at iO for a Harold Team and for The Second City in Chicago and got my first job performing for them, and then I worked my way up at Second City where I eventually did three Mainstage shows. 

What is a “Writer’s Room” and how does it work?

  A writer’s room is a room of writers who work on one specific project — literally a room that everyone sits in, with hopefully other smaller rooms and offices you can break out into. A showrunner runs the room, and pitches out stories, themes, characters, basically the show they want to make. And that room of people helps them break the stories and create the season, from making episode outlines, to writing episodes, to pitching jokes. It can be a very serious place where you spend 16 hour days meticulously mapping out a story, or it can be a place where people are standing on chairs competing for who can do the best impression of Lindsay Lohan dancing in Mykonos as two other people eat shrimp cocktail and someone naps in a corner with a glass of whiskey. 

Do you write for a character or the actor who plays the role?

  I think you write for character first, and then as soon as it’s cast, you write towards this new character that the actor created when they embodied them. 

In your opinion, why is it easier for a comedian to do drama rather than a dramatic actor doing comedy?

   Man, I really tried to articulate this, and I’m not sure I can, even though I do agree that’s true. I personally think more people can be taught how to be a dramatic actor because it’s human to have emotions like sadness and joy and love, and you can tap into them. But comedy doesn’t exist in every single human, there’s only so much it can be taught, and it definitely can be taught, but only to a certain degree. Someone truly truly funny has it inside them.

If offered a starring role as an actress in a show, would you take it and why.

  Hm. Really depends if the contract would allow me to still be able to make my own work. I love acting and love being able to take on a role and just focus on that, but I do always need to be writing and making my own stuff, for my own heart and mind to be happy and survive this business. There are stories and points of view that are really important to me to tell and I hope I get to tell them all one day.

What do you like about making films?

   So many parts are my favorite. I think the moment everything is set and you’re on camera or other actors are and they improvise a magical moment, is always my favorite. I also love the moment in editing that you realize you made something great. I find that every time I look at the first cut I’m just horrified and regretful and it seems like it’s all garbage. And then there’s always a certain point as you revise and move everything around where suddenly the film you imagined emerges, and it’s a great feeling. 

What do you do for fun when you’re not working?

   I’m a weirdo and I love working. For me, making art is the joy and the fun I pursue. Being onstage and writing a script are my favorite things to do. I also love to just LOUNGE. My boyfriend Yassir Lester is also a writer and actor on Black Monday and Duncanville, so when we get a break together we love to read, watch movies, hate watch terrible shows, and go to dinner with friends. I also love to play Mario Kart on switch and we just fostered a dog and we’re walkin’ his ass all the time. 

Aggies or Lobos?

Hahahhaa you looked up New Mexico sports! This makes me so happy. But I’m gonna have to say LOS Lobos — the band.  

The cheetah and I are flying over to watch your latest film but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide, what are we doing?

   I live in Los Angeles but my family is still in Santa Fe, so I’ll pretend we’re there. You gotta go to the farmers market and join the African dance class in the community center. Tomasitas is phenomenal for classic New Mexican food, order your enchiladas Xmas style — both green and red chile, you’ll have to fight through tourists and locals for a seat though. Harry’s Roadhouse is a great little diner and their coffee cake is to die for. Ten Thousand Waves is where you get your hot spring on, and then make sure you walk Canyon road for the incredible art and then stop at the Teahouse and get the oatmeal. Go see a healer, there’s so many of them and then get a burrito and watch the sunset because it’s just like the post cards.

  I like to thank Chelsea for taking the time off her Covid-19 lockdown to sit down and chat with us.  I’m looking forward to seeing “Bless This Mess” and taking a chug of iced coffee whenever we see her name in the credits. Chelsea’s star is one to watch and hopefully we’ll see her name on a big studio feature right after this flu gets done with wrecking havoc on America.

You can can up with Chelsea by various means….like her own personal website. Read other reviews and stories about “Basic“. (where is our review,cheri?) Join Chelsea on her InstaGram page. Follow Chelsea on her Twitter page. And see what Chelsea has upcoming by following her IMDb page.

Thank you for supporting Chelsea and the other folks that we have chatted with. If you are new to the “8 Questions” interview series,you can catch up by clicking here. Feel free to drop a comment or three.

8 Questions with…………writer/director/comedian Chelsea Devantez Its 11:06 pm dark/rainy/writing Welcome to 8 Questions with....... Recently I had a chance to review a wickedly funny short film called "

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Black Christmas Review: Do Not Open Until FUCKING NEVER

TRIGGER WARNING: Rape references. Don’t blame me- they’re in the fucking movie.

2019 has been a year of great horror films, from the delightful evil superhero romp of Brightburn to the psychologically rich and textured Ma to the politically incendiary Us. Unfortunately, you can’t win ‘em all and Black Christmas rounds out the year by shitting itself and falling into a drooling heap on the floor. If someone put a gun to my head and told me to give them an impression of it in just one sentence, I’d call it an hour and a half of drunken virtue-signalling masquerading as a slasher film with unexplained and entirely superfluous supernatural elements. Luckily, I don’t have to sum it up in one sentence. I can take as many sentences as I like to smash this piece of cinematic garbage to pieces.

The plot (such as it is) involves four sorority girls in the last year of uni being stalked and killed by a cult of mask-wearing frat-boys. At first, it’s not supposed to be apparent that it’s a whole cult rather than just one individual, and you’re not meant to realise its frat boys until pretty late into events. In fact, the movie actually treats these facts as minor surprises. Unfortunately, the direction is so woeful and choppy that you realise what’s up long, long before the movie gets to the punchline. I mean, they literally show a scene of frat boys going through some occult-looking hazing ritual involving black cloaks and Latin muttering in the first twenty minutes, but the film’s been running for over an hour before the characters put two and two together and arrive at a plot point.

“But why are the frat boys hunting and killing sorority girls?” I hear you ask, expecting (foolishly) a Machiavellian plot twist or grand scheme. Unfortunately, the answer is just “because they’re sexist”. It‘s one of those films where the bad men are bad because they’re men and for no other reason. They main dickhead even bangs on and on about how he and his cult are motivated merely by the fact of their manhood. It’s boring, trite and insulting. Say what you like about Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers and Freddie Krueger: at least they had an ethos. Well, maybe not an ethos, but interesting reasons and neuroses motivating them.

The only undeniably good male character in the film is a weak-willed, stammering berk who looks like Moss from The IT Crowd on prozac and who serves no other purpose than for the director to hold up a model of the supposed ideal for the modern man: i.e. a fucking pussy. Fuck sake, large sections of Hollywood, there is a happy medium between ‘ineffectual puppy dog’ and ‘murder-rapist’. The world isn’t divided into ultra-macho, hateful Alphas and spineless Betas without discernible character. Quite a few are just people. Well, in real life, most of them are just morons (which is presumably how this film got greenlit), but when you’re writing a movie script it’s important to favour verisimilitude over strict realism. Black Christmas ignores both an makes every bloke in it a 2D caricature of a sexist that might have been current in, say, 1954.

The female leads are good, but they feel like they belong in a completely different project. It often seems like they’ve wondered in from an above-average English-language telenovella: the kind of thing that you can watch after being defeated by Xmas Dinner while your sherry-addled brain slowly turns to cheese, but in a nice way. Then horrible things start happening to them and it’s impossible to take it seriously because they talk like a cross between Juno and Kevin Bacon doing an advert for a mobile phone network.

The script, meanwhile, contrives to be a predictable drudge and a horrible surprise at the same time. On the one hand, there’s a lecturer in an early scene who seems a big creepy and it’s really obvious that he’s going to turn out to be the head of the cult at the end, then he does. No twists, no real character development: he’s just the obvious candidate and the writer was a lazy hack. On the other hand, before the shit hits the fan, the main characters do a musical number about rape while dressed in sexy little Santa outfits. There is a reason for it (sort of) but not  a justification. It’s probably the most schizophrenic thing ever committed to film. It wouldn’t be so bad, but the tune is kind of a jam. I’d listen to if they put it on a Xmas album.

Speaking of the script, the method used by the Cult of Random Sexists is to receive supernatural powers from a possessed bust of the university’s founder. When the bust is destroyed, the girls are able to mount a successful counter-attack... which is just stupid. There’s a handful of them, versus a seemingly limitless number of frat-jerks, all of whom are bigger than them and some of whom have motherfucking longbows. Which also begs the question, “why the fuck did they need the bust in the first place”? Their goal was to murder four unarmed lassies with no combat experience who didn’t know they were being hunted. I’d like to think that if I ever had to execute four people who were weaker, less well-equipped and less knowledgeable than me, I wouldn’t need to ask a magic statue for help. Especially not in America, where guns are really fucking easy to get hold of. Also, the magic statue doesn’t seem to do much other than allow those under its spell to fight with basic competence: they can still be killed by stab-wounds and blunt-force trauma. Maybe the statue didn’t do shit. Maybe the magic was inside them, all along. How fucking Xmas-y.

I think I’d find Black Christmas’s whole performatively woke tripe a little less tiring if it was remotely original. After all, a film in which the real monster is sexism is a very important cultural artifact. But Black Christmas isn’t a film singular; it’s another film: a cookie-cutter cash-in with the same basic villain-archetype as everything from Colossal to an episode of Supergirl. This shit is tired. It’s old hat. The point has been made as well as it’s ever going to be made, and since it’s not a sufficiently complex or compelling point to bear repeating. I think we’re all on board with the fact that ‘sexism is bad, m’kay?’. I just don’t feel like you can stretch that into a whole sequence of theoretically-unrelated films unless you also have something slightly more substantive to say. Or you have some idea how sexism manifests here in space year 2019 (spoiler warning: special clubs with knives and robes are a bit outdated: nowadays its all about the alt-right, an-cap web presence and books by cheesy pick-up artists).

So anyway, that’s Black Christmas: a waste of acting talent that thinks that all men are evil but doesn’t have the imagination to think of a better evil motive than sexism itself. Give it a miss, unless you’re planning on firing it out of a clay pigeon launcher and taking pot-shots.

[billpott-s]

thoughts on the xmas special - DOCTOR WHO SPOILERS

before I read everyone else’s reactions I just want to get my “untainted” reaction down

first of all the MUSIC, goddamn every time they played the bad wolf/rose theme I was about to DIE (especially because I’ve just been rewatching s1/2 so) oh my god, how perfect and emotional though especially because I think I read somewhere that murray gold is also leaving which ????? how do they expect me to cope

not sure how I feel about the whole bill not being bill but still being bill thing? I mean, I accept it and it still was emotional but… still no closure for bill. also it doesn’t make sense but what else do I expect from a Moffat finale lol (like she would have to be dead to be in the system thing buuuuut she remembers heather rescuing her soooo her restoration isn’t from that death? idk (edit: just realised that im not confused by this any more because she doesn’t age because she’s made of water. obviously. so she could have died after living a long life and still look 20 something ok im good now lets move on)

although idk how this death technology thing really is supposed to work within this universe lol because how many characters have died and come back to life… like just take rory for one example. but it was cool plus the reference to new earth and the year 5 billion was pretty cool since I just rewatched new earth

but obviously I loved seeing her again and it is in a way, her, emotionally and I love her so much and she should have had so much more TIME

bill and the 9th doctor live together in my “I’m emotional about these characters not having more time on the show” headspace

speaking of which CLARA oh my god. I was sort of expecting it but then I forgot that I was expecting it and I was SHOOK ok, and I guess that means she does die in the end after her one second of eternity (I need to rewatch s9) which is ok I guess

but idk does it sort of ruin the emotional impact of hell bent now that the doctor does remember her? like didn’t they have the whole forgetting thing for a reason.. or is it ok because he’s not 12 anymore so they won’t have the hybrid but then again, the doctor would still love clara just as much

idk my sort of unrealistic prediction would be that clara would show up just as a cameo/side character within the story (like I thought maybe as a nurse because ww1 setting (and the obvious play on doctor/nurse) ), and the doctor wouldn’t recognise her but she would say goodbye to him and it would be super emotional for the audience without taking away the impact of s9 idk I feel a little conflicted about it

obviously I should be writing for this show

and nardole! remember before series 10 I was so eeeehh about his character but I teared up honestly, I did not expect to see him again. guess he’s also confirmed dead

can’t really remember the ending of s10 but does that mean the cybermen just destroyed the whole ship. honestly that episode had such potential its criminal that it was left unwrapped like that

ok thoughts on stuff thats not my babies coming back

the opening with the 60s footage was SO COOL even though we’ve already seen it it’s just SO COOL

shout out to rachel talalay for being a directing GENIUS how do we deserve her… @chibnall if you do anything right you won’t let her go

I haven’t seen any first doctor because I’m a fake fan who’s only seen like… 15ish classic doctor who stories - so I didn’t really have that much emotional attachment to him apart from what he means as a symbol to the show, and ofc an adventure in space and time which I do adore

I enjoyed him, for the most part… I mean it was interesting to have the thematic parallel between them

I was worried about the whole “sexist jokes” we’d been hearing about before the episode and yeah they were kind of cringeworthy but also not as bad as I’d expected… could have been a lot worse but still totally unnecessary and unfunny in my opinion

at least Bill put him in his place what an icon

I liked that the episode was more character focused than plot… obviously it needed to be and the themes worked with the “plot” but I can’t help but be annoyed at plot holes

like if there was a giant database of every human ever in the year 5 billion then why does the doctor not know about it

hmmm

but a lot better than moffat’s other regeneration episode tbh like I never need to see the time of the doctor again in my entire life

the christmas armistice scene? I HAD CHILLS OH MY GOD it was so powerful and I had tears in my eyes

just beautiful and heartbreaking and touching. wow.

also shout out to mark gatiss for not being as terrible as I thought he would be because I was not excited to hear he would be a main in this episode but he played it really well

then for some reason out of alllll the threads of 12 and moffat era who the one they decided to bring back was rusty the dalek??? ok maybe not what I would have done

although in some way I guess if you remember that episode from three years ago and how it sort of foreshadowed the 12th doctor’s characterisation, “you would make a good dalek” and all that jazz it does fit thematically???

idk I thought… a weird choice but ok

low key wanted amy and rory to show up via the glass people of death (like not a realistic expectation at all since they never knew twelve but it is the end of the moffat era we’re celebrating here so maybe??? sadly not)

overall a beautiful farewell to the twelfth doctor. a perfect fit for a character based episode to end his story on this show. I’m going to miss him so much but he had a wonderful last episode that he deserved

probably the best regeneration story since parting of the ways? maybe even the best regeneration story from new who (i just have a very special emotional connection to 9) (and I haven’t seen any classic who regeneration stories please don’t hate me)

can’t believe its been four years since i was bawling my eyes out at matt smith’s regeneration. I did expect to cry a lot more but maybe I’m just better at my emotions now??? also even though I’ve probably come to love 12 more, 11 was my first doctor so there’s that

(wait til I rewatch doomsday though because the tears will be FLOODING. I’m up to army of ghosts/doomsday on my new who rewatch but wasn’t going to do that to myself today lol I don’t hate myself that much)

JODIE!

wait I forgot twelve’s last speech

IT WAS SO GOOD OMG

the bits from the other doctors… so beautiful

tbh I can’t really remember it because I am the worst but I’ll probably have more coherent thoughts when I rewatch this (WITH SUBTITLES) tomorrow

strong accents can ruin the emotional moments a little unfortunately

JODIE OMG

rachel talalay is a blessing ok THAT SCENE WAS FILMED SO WELL. the ring falling off her hand

their hand??? how do we refer to the doctor now idk i guess they both work

JODIE IS SO TINY IN PETER CAPALDI’S GIANT ASS COAT

i hope she is swamped in it for the whole first episode of s11 omg comedy gold

when she looks into the reflection and says “brilliant” IS THAT GONNA BE HER CATCHPHRASE

I feel like 10 said that a lot??? hmmm

I LOVE HER SO MUCH ALREADY SHE’S ONLY SAID ONE WORD

HOW CAN I WAIT UNTIL WHENEVER S11 STARTS

she FELL OUT of the TARDIS???? is she ok

commentary from my family - dad: why is the tardis rejecting her? brother: because she’s a woman now

IM SO EXCITED FOR SEASON 11 OK

overall? I really enjoyed it, I had a few quibbles (mostly my usual but that doesn’t make sense which maybe you have to leave aside when you’re watching this show), the character stuff was almost perfect and just, such a good story. will miss 12 greatly but out of all the new who doctors he’s probably had the most solid run from start to finish in terms of consistent quality and this was the perfect ending for him.

p.s. pls let chibnall be the type that likes nostalgic cameos because I don’t know if I can handle a clean cut between eras, this is my first time because I only started watching in 2012. but I’m so keen for season 11.

[popularchips-blog]

#WkndMmts: Doctor Who, Kylie Jenner's Pregnancy and Unlikely Santa Snacks

New Post has been published on https://popularchips.com/dailies/wkndmmts-doctor-who-kylie-jenners-pregnancy-and-unlikely-santa-snacks/

#WkndMmts: Doctor Who, Kylie Jenner's Pregnancy and Unlikely Santa Snacks

We’re back on Boxing Day with this long weekend’s #WkndMmts! To give you a little head’s up, given the holiday season, all of this week’s news items are (in some way or other) Christmas-related.

Doctor Who Christmas Special

Begun in 1963, Doctor Who soon became a British household favorite and has since made it to worldwide renown. Aside from its regular episodes, the BBC show has featured Christmas specials every year since the revival of the series in 2005. Many anticipated this Christmas special as the show’s producers have been known to introduce new lead characters via the special and Jodie Whittaker had been named the new Doctor earlier this year. She was due to replace Peter Capaldi in his lead role.

For the uninitiated, the program follows the adventures of a Time Lord, a being from the planet of Gallifrey. Time Lords have the ability to regenerate themselves, taking on a different physical form after events that would otherwise result in death. Regeneration has been used multiple times in the series to introduce new actors to play the main role of the Doctor.

What’s interesting is that the role of the Doctor has only been played by men in the series’s decades-long history. The introduction of the new Doctor this time around was even more anticipated as Jodie Whittaker is the first female to take on the role.

So what did social media have to say about this? While there was some controversy when the announcement was first made about Whittaker’s role, most users seemed to be quite excited for her first appearance.

My face waiting to finally see the moment Jodie Whittaker became the next Doctor. AAAAHHH!! #DoctorWho 😍 pic.twitter.com/fMcuSjOqk7

— Holly Mallett (@shmallett) December 25, 2017

Welcome to the universe Doctor number 13 #DoctorWho pic.twitter.com/lplyX2hi91

— Tom Matt Dix ❄️ (@Tom_Matt_Dix) December 25, 2017

SHE’S HERE AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL #DoctorWho pic.twitter.com/LscxoLcKCA

— Miriam Skywalker (@quakealex) December 25, 2017

That was incredible! I’m in bits!! Just an amazing farewell to Peter and introduction to Jodie!! #DoctorWho pic.twitter.com/Hc42l003HY

— J Blake (@JoshBlake98) December 25, 2017

Kylie Jenner’s Pregnancy Announcement

(Or the lack thereof).

Many users had apparently been waiting in anticipation for Kylie Jenner’s official pregnancy announcement, so much so that the word “Kylie” trended with 109K tweets as of the time of writing.

I turned on kylie’s post notifications just for today 👀👶🏻

— James Charles (@jamescharles) December 25, 2017

Quite a good portion of users had thought that Kylie was waiting for Christmas Day to make the big reveal, and were sorely disappointed when she seemed to have chosen not to do so, instead posting an image of herself on the cover of Love Magazine.

Merry Christmas! Thank you @thelovemagazine @kegrand for this special cover shot by @kendalljenner & interview by @krisjenner #love19 🎁

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Dec 25, 2017 at 12:18pm PST

If Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy isn’t announced today I’m blocking the whole family. I don’t need this negativity in my life any longer.

— J 🐝 (@jocxrodriguez) December 25, 2017

Other than watching Kylie Jenner, users were also tracking Kim Kardashian, who had been posting photographs from a photoshoot entitled ’25 Days of Christmas’ since the very first day of December. Some users predicted that she would reveal Kylie’s pregnancy on the 25th day.

I’m calling this right now… on the 25th day of Christmas the Kardashians will post a pic of pregnant Kylie.

— Jackie Schimmel (@JackieSchimmel) December 24, 2017

oK KIM KARDASHIAN I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY FOR DAY 25 KARDASHIAN CHRISTMAS CARD. WE. NEED. TO. SEE. KYLIE. PREGNANT. SHOW US THE CHRISTMAS CARD. pic.twitter.com/V3g2LxGkhV

— ben🐻🧜🏼‍♂️ (@thebenbear1) December 25, 2017

When Kim finally posted the shot for the 25th day, users expressed their rage and disappointment that the post did not contain a photograph of the pregnant Kylie.

DAY 25 MERRY CHRISTMAS

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Dec 25, 2017 at 4:47pm PST

Kim fucking Kardashian really played the fuck out of us. Had us waiting 25 days to see if Kylie Jenner pregnant and she’s not even in the damn christmas card shit. KYLIE BITCH, IM COMING FOR YOU pic.twitter.com/LtVovzYi7Q

— icy grl ❄️ (@pettyreligion) December 26, 2017

Everyone’s reaction just now when Kylie wasn’t in todays Xmas picture pic.twitter.com/c0I16HC0Ei

— KTT (@KanyeToThe) December 26, 2017

Unlikely Santa Snacks

Since Santa Claus does all the hard work of delivering presents to children all across the world in his reindeer-pulled sleigh, it’s merely courtesy to provide him with a snack! What could be more fun than imagining what Santa wouldn’t like to have for delivering your presents this year?

While some users poked fun of those who enjoy having healthy snacks, naming items such as kale chips or raisin or low-fat cookies, other users got a little more creative with their answers.

#UnlikelySantaSnack bread and ginger pic.twitter.com/UXwhHtlaCS

— Dana (@sunkisseeddd) December 26, 2017

Oh, deer! #UnlikelySantaSnack pic.twitter.com/QYmqpPXJ5H

— Cathy Claus 🎄🍸 (@66Betty) December 26, 2017

leftover candy corn from Halloween #UnlikelySantaSnack pic.twitter.com/8n9SFQooRP

— Kelly Dobrovolski 🌹 (@Be_loved_Freak) December 26, 2017

That’s all for this week’s #WkndMmts! We hope you enjoyed our little holiday season update. See you next week with more!

[changrimmer514-blog]

José Mourinho Points out Manchester United V Chelsea Is Just Another Activity.

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[froggybangbang]

@ashes-and-dust​ tagged me (eons ago) in a thing that starts personal and then degenerates into tv show stuff?? and... well here it is

1.) Why did you choose your URL?

You must all know this by now, lol. Okay so 1-I’m French Canadian, a popular insult for us by the English is “Frog” and I highly believe in claiming back insults.2-The first online url I had (well second. I had wolves has my special interest back when I was 12 so ‘wolfy136′ was the first, fleeting url I got) was after I joinned the HP fandom, with my favourite character, thus Lunard136/Lunard1 was born (that’s moony. my wolf special interest faded in the background but it’s still there to show lol). I started going to other websites than HP ones and I was starting to feel like that url wasn’t good for those so I thought long and hard about something I could be me and not fandom related so I wouldn’t have to change it again (because change is good but I hate it) and I came up with “Froggy”. Only to find it was used already. I was tired of the old 136 so I decided to had something about me in the url, something about my temper (I’m definitely a fire sign) and added the “bangbang” because I catch like a barrel of powder. (you dirty mind you if you thought I’d use it as a sex reference! Shame on you! except lol yeah I knew how it sounded and I was fine with letting people who don’t know me think I’m a nympho. what better way to hide I’m not really all that interested in sex, which is weird and not normal, right? right.)

2.) What’s your middle name?

Very few Quebecois have one, those who are afflicted by the old tradition, weather because their parents are religious or because it’s a tradition and nobody questions it have (for girls) Mary Godmother’sName FirstName LastName (for boys) Joseph Godfather’sName FirstName LastName. That’s the format and absolutely nobody goes by the first two to the point that my passport doesn’t even show them because I was told not to put them in if I’m not using them (???!!!? but okay!) anyway my are Mary Diane Kristine LastName

3.) If you could own a fairytale/fictional pet, what would it be?

I’d love a tiny dragon? I’m pretty sure I said “I want a X now!” a few onth ago but I can’t remember what it was... But honestly if I can, in my life, befriend a corvid that’s like. the dream goal. It has been for ever.

4.) Favourite colour?

hmmm I really love orange. every shade but especially the dark burnt one. I also like dark green, dark blue, dark teal and dark purple a lot? I’ll go with orange

5.) Favourite song?

That’s.... not something I can answer. Honestly how can you pick one? IDK I really love In Hell I’ll be in Good Company these days? I really love Phillip Glass’ Violin Concerto No.1 2nd Movement if you prefer no voice. Also Dream Fragment from the Chrono Cross OST because I’m a sucker for music box.

Here are a few of my Spotify playlist, for those interested.

A Little Bit of Everything is pretty much all the songs I like and remember to put on spotify (if spotify has them. They lack in Quebecois music)

Music Rec is songs that you might not know about that exist and you should listen to them, but this doesn’t get updated very often

RN is the playlist that keeps changing. My current obsessions are on that one

In the Summertime are songs for a nice warm summer day with a light breeze and a hammock (or something. maybe a few friend in the backyard and a beer.)

And Sunday Mornings is the playlist I’m listening to mainly on sunday mornings (It’s playing right now) because it fits the vibe of a sunday morning when you start your coffee and still might have an eye glued down

6.) What are your top three fandoms?

errr I’ll go with HP, 1D (*glares at @ashes-and-dust​*) and....hmm. I’m not really active in any of the others anymore. but I guess Sherlock?(though Pacific Rim or Cabin Pressure also fit third place but I think I still read more sherlock fic than I do PR or CP)

7.) Why do you enjoy Tumblr?

This hellsite is my main place for interacting with sensible human beings. I also LOVE *those* posts. you the ones where one person asks a questions/ places a random thought and then.... it just. takes a life of its own? and everyone knows them? The Guam Cookie post is one. The many Aliens finds Humans Weird also. but then there’s the smaller ones like just. They are exactly the kind of stuff I’d be saying with my (ex? maybe?)friend in Rimousky like you say something, and they add something in a deadpanned way that is bviously exagerated/insane and then you add on it and they add on it until you are at the stage that you won’t be buy mayo because, really, having to marry someone from an island so you could get away with murder is much too much effort. That’s why I love tumblr.

PICK YOUR 5 FAVORITE TV SHOWS AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS:

ugh I very rarely watch tv anymore these are hard.

1. Merlin

2. Doctor Who (until season 5/6 anyway. Moffat killed it)

3. Torchwood

4. The X-Files (haven’t seen the reboot but I’d love to!)

5. ...... Sherlock (I guess? But I still haven’t watch the last xmas special nor the last season? Moffat killed it?)

1. WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTER IN 2?

hmmmmm..... *shakes the Ponds, Martha Jones and Dona Noble in her hand to see which will get out* I’m going to go with Dona. I’m not so in your face, but I really relate with her and she had an awesome friendship with 10, not afraid to give him a good earful if he went overboard.

2. WHO IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE CHARACTER IN 1?

Shit idk. I mean Uther and Morgana where mean shit but I loved their characters for what they were..... I’d say between Uther and Mordred? idk. 

3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE EPISODE OF 4?

Oh shit. Dude do you have any idea how many episode there is of the xfiles?? I’m going to go with the one on the boat, because that’s the one that popped into my head right now (immediately followed by that black and white one when Mulder meets the Gunmen for the first time... that CELL PHONE OMG) and any moment when Scully and Mulder have SASS going on.

4. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE SEASON OF 5?

The first season is the best without a doubt. I’ve loved the second season but in the first one the story were even more concentrated on one story per episode and it was very well thought off and they didn’t overdo it yet, which they tented to do afterwards, as well as letting more episode be one story and not following canon anymore. I’m actually sadden at my lack of consistency at following Elementary.

5. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE RELATIONSHIP IN 3?

Oh. er... Ianto/Jack. but. like. I don’t like to think about that because of children of the earth.

6. WHO IS YOUR ANTI-RELATIONSHIP IN 1?

I know it sounds weird but I really see Arthur and Gwen as bromance who agreed to marry because throne? They have a great chemistry but I just don’t buy it.

7. HOW LONG HAVE YOU WATCHED 4?

The first episode I’ve seen was on TQS with the french dubbed version of the first episode we see the guy that can dislocate every bones in his body to crawl in small places. then I got hooked and rented the VHS of the series, bought books of the series, the official magazines, unofficial biographies (my gosh is the internet cheaper) and watched every episode (at some point switching in the English version on Fridays) until Mulder got abducted. Tried to watch that season but didn’t care to not miss an episode... then I just... forgot to tune in. so that’d be since.... according to WIKI the first episodes in French were in 1994 and “squeeze” is the third one.

8. HOW DID YOU BECOME INTERESTED IN 3?

Because of Doctor Who.

9. WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE ACTOR IN 2?

Grahhhhh okay I’m going to go renewed series because fhjdsahlsb and it’s still hard but I think I’ll go with David Tenant. Tough Karen Gillan is good too. Oh! fuck and John Simm fuck I forgot John Simm and Life on Mars! damn. Okay John Simm

10. WHICH SHOW DO YOU PREFER: 1, 4 OR 5?

You drive a hard bargain. I’ll go with the X-Files; 4

11. WHICH SHOW HAVE YOU SEEN MORE EPISODES OF? 1 OR 3?

as in proportionally? because I’ve see all of them, but I *think* merlin has more episodes? Though I’ve watch Torchwood more often I think?

12. IF YOU COULD BE ANYONE FROM 4, WHO WOULD YOU BE?

I’m not sure I’d like to be anyone on the x-files that sounds like a very dangerous life. although wait no not true! one of the gunmen! They have the coolest job in the series.

13. HOW WOULD YOU KILL OFF YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTER IN 3?

*stares* Not like that. 

14. WOULD A 2/3 CROSSOVER WORK?

HAHAHA well. YES, mainly because IT IS a thing between DW and Torchwood.

15. PAIR TWO CHARACTERS IN 2 THAT WOULD MAKE AN UNLIKELY BUT STRANGELY OKAY COUPLE.

The Master and Donna? If, you know, the Master got his murdering tendencies in check. idk I’m not good at pairing people. I pick and chose those who exist in the fandom.

16. OVERALL, WHICH SHOW HAD A BETTER CAST: 3 OR 5?

Damn.... I mean Andrew Scott alone.... but then it got cringey... but I don’t particularly like Gwen but I’m pretty sure it’s not the casting..... I’ll go with Torchwood.

17. WHICH SHOW HAS A BETTER SOUNDTRACK: 1, 4 OR 5?

I do not know Merlin’s Soundtrack well enough to comment on it and I think the X-files’ is pretty lacking, but Sherlock has some very good music, the Irene piece is on of my favourite.

Blergh. I don’t want to tag because lazy. go ahead and give me the answers, though. Especially the music ones I’m always interested in finding new music!