#as much as id like to produce things for my fandoms

[treeffles]

Where tf did 126 of you dumbasses come from? How'd this happen? 4 months ago, I had like 30 some-odd of you following me.

This is weird I don't like being perceived.

[olderthannetfic]

I have really mixed feelings about the small proportion of F/F fiction (original or fanfic), because yeah sure, people have their desires, they should write what they want, I get it. It all works out when I hear it from person to person. But somehow the logic only ever applies in one direction? "There are more male protagonists because men only care about male characters! Women also mostly care about male characters, because that's the majority of characters they get!" And then somehow we also yet kvetch when men write female characters (because it's incorrectly or something, nevermind if women are writing male characters correctly). Why don't we expect gay men to feel compelled only by femslash for the same reasons (but gender swapped) as the lesbian slashers/fujoshi? All of those very rational justifications are applied selectively, "for me for not for thee," and it all only leads to "idk I just don't wanna write femslash", for Reasons. Do we get to call them microaggressions yet?

--

No, you don't get to call other people's fantasy life a microaggression.

That is indeed "for me but not for thee" in the sense that you get to want what you want but other people aren't supposed to follow their id.

Do you also police gay men who spend too much time on drag and obsessing over female divas? That's an actual real world behavior that's somewhat equivalent. It frequently goes unchallenged, at least by progressives, because men are allowed to do whatever they want with chick stuff, while women are "stealing" if they dare to stray into dude stuff.

(God, I've seen so much more policing of drag kings being ~problematic~ for acting out stereotypical gender than policing of drag queens for the same. It's nuts!)

Fujoshi are often queer, but it's absurd to think we're mostly lesbians. We tend to be bi or asexual women with gender stuff going on, though there is a mix of everybody, including lesbians. There are also a lot of AFAB non-women who get lumped in with us. On the rare occasions I find a man willing to admit to being a similar demographic, he usually does like gender play in his hobbies and entertainment. It's just that men face even more pressure than women do to fit into tidy categories. Bi women get told we're whores. Bi men are told they don't exist.

Yes, I know plenty of lesbians who write more m/m than f/f, but in the big picture of all of AO3 or all of fanfic or all of media, they aren't the demographic driving these numbers. They're vastly outnumbered by the bi women, the asexual women, and the straight and gnc women.

The men we should be looking at as an equivalent aren't cis gay men but bicurious soy boys and the like.

Do most of us fujoshi object to equivalent men doing an equivalent thing? I've seen it sometimes, and I agree it's hypocritical. I'd like us to afford men the same ability to play and take on identities in their art. I remember enjoying Ranma fandom back in the day and reading quite a lot of f/f that was probably by men. It had some of that same sense of distance and fantasy that I so enjoy in m/m aimed at fujoshi. (I do consume some by-cis-gay, for-cis-gay content, both m/m and f/f, but it's often too literal and too bound up in specific named identities for my taste.)

On average, the people I see complaining most about men producing f/f material are the same people who think that because I have a clit, I should center my life around women exclusively. In other words, people spouting radfem ideology, perhaps on purpose or perhaps without realizing.

I do agree that some of the ways of expressing a lack of desire to write femslash can get pretty douchey. I want us to move away from some of the less accurate ones like "There are no compelling female characters" because of this.

But the reason for all these jerkass explanations is that women and people perceived as women who like m/m are constantly asked to explain ourselves. These aren't usually microaggressions: they're openly hostile. People get defensive and try to answer with important-sounding reasons about identity and pain because society at large won't accept "I like this" as the true explanation.

Pleasure is never enough of a reason for a woman to do something.

[duckieduccss]

NEW KAIJU OC?!?!

Well, yea technically. Basically i was interested in figuring out how id go with making my own kaiju. At first i wasnt sure where to go for designing one. So i chose to base it off another existing kaiju for inspiration. I kinda wanted to go for a dragon type kaiju (i like dragons) and the only thing i could think of was Ghidorah so i went with that (now that i think about it more, I could’ve maybe used Manda too prob but oh well, Ghidorah was still a good option). I added some different details to mine that make it unique to the og Ghidorah

My idea was that it could potentially be a relative to Ghidorah (being of the same species) but still far apart from one another to the point they arent all that aware of the other existing (theyre in for a shock when & if they do encounter each other lol). This version actually relies on cosmic energy derived from such sources like stars & generally anything that produce some form of energy within the vast universe (basing it off how Ghidorah themselves originally came from space & this variant being much more dependent on that factor). It stores that energy & relatively stays in a dormant stage for an extended period of time until when faced with the challenge to defend itself or fight off those it deems as a danger. Then it would release all that ginormous amount of space energy that manifests itself as a rapidly expanding glow of extremely bright light. Enough to cause extreme damage & bring down the opposition. It can gather energy by using special crystals it can grow (took that also as inspiration but from Space Godzilla) & become as some form of attracting & absorbing the energy. In a way, the energy is like its main source of food & energy to maintain itself (right after releasing a lot of it during its final attack of using that glow, it would be put in a highly vulnerable state if not recovered by regaining some energy back soon enough). For the most part, they mostly sleep (being lazy 24/7 just like me fr lmao) to keep all that energy but can be potentially dangerous if disturbed or provoked in some manner

(Here’s a better closer look at their faces. Realized the canvas’ too big to properly see each of them-)

The name of this kaiju you may be wondering???

It’s Ryudorah

(Yea i know im the most creative person out there. I combined another nickname i use for myself and just added the end part of Ghidorah’s name to make it clear it’s related to the other kaiju. I couldn’t think of anything else im sorry😭)

And also each head has its own individual name:

Do, Re & Mi

(Named after intervals in the musical scale (ex: Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do)

Did i mention this kaiju can also technically sing too :)

I did have a lot of fun with coming up with the concept for them (tho it honestly took longer in designing them due to a busy schedule ive been put in as of late & finding the time to finish it) but im glad to finally be able to share this with you all. Hopefully I can share more about them soon (i have a whole google doc’s worth of lore lmao) & probably draw them again (tho maybe a lot more simplified by then). Didn’t wanna overwhelm ppl with the huge amount of info so I’ll prob slowly reveal more over time.

[Another thing too is that i still am new to the fandom (tho with more knowledge from getting to learn more from the source material) & most of this i gathered from already know stuff i knew. Tho im also open to feedback & maybe some ideas to add onto my own kaiju. So id very much appreciate it if there’s any suggestions from you guys ^^⭐️]

(I’ll only be taking constructive criticism btw. Anything hateful will obv be ignored)

[sewer-sermon]

guu. maybe just me but it is a little sad to see so much of the madcom fandom completely bulldoze any thought for the worldbuilding of the series in favor of shipping n stuff? of course (and of course i have to say it lest we have another "piss on the poor" scenario) im all for shipping don't fuckin get me wrong. it's just that the setting itself is also so fucking interesting n there's so much to do with it. the universe has been demonstrated to function like some sort of computer and you can glitch reality if you try hard enough, (the equivalent of) human beings are MASS PRODUCED AND COMMODIFIED (need i even SUGGEST the moral ramifications??), there exists a device capable of turning the sun sentient and said sun was beaten to death without fanfare the second it came alive, nevadeans Really Do just look like that in canon!, LIKE? all of it is so fucking interesting. idk. i just love worldbuilding w all my heart so dearly n id love to see more people working out their ideas of how things in their society function/playing w speculative biology, etc etc you know?

[icannotreadcursive]

Was tagged by @grownupchangeling, whose image ID text I also borrowed from. Thanks!

Anyway, fandoms I write for: Hazbin Hotel, Brokeback Mountain, The Old Guard, Sailor Moon, Marvel, The Witcher, and a smattering of others.

Now! Talking about my answers on this XD.

I still have an FFN account, I'm ChinamiMorimoto, but I don't really use it anyomre. Whenever I actually write more on my long-on-hiatus Winter Soldier fic, I will be posting that there, cuz that fic predated my Ao3 account and I was cross-posting it once I got that account, I'll continue to cross post it once it comes off hiatus.

I'm Eiiri on Ao3.

Yeah, I write smut now. Cannot fuckin' believe the first smut I posted was not cowboy smut, but the demons ate my brain. (There will be cowboy smut eventually. There will also be Trigun smut; that one's half written.)

I marked the roleplay one with a question mark cuz, like, kinda? Spontaneously, casually (and usually briefly) with buds, sure, but not in any kind of roleplay account way. And I do have one friend I sometimes do pretty extensive rp-writing with but I don't really count that as "online".

So much beta'ing for friends. So much.

Honestly more of my fics go up unbetaed than actually get betaed.

Ho, all my fic is self-indulgent, that's why I'm writing it.

I HAVE left kudos more than once on the same thing! Can only do it once while logged in, but if you log out and use more than one device..........

I clearly write a lot of M/M, but I've written a bit of F/F too.

My brain starts weaving stories about every fandom I get my grubby little racoon hands on, it's just a matter of if I write them down.

I am a research fiend.

People have been drawing things for my Hellish Encounters series of Hazbin fics and I am so incredibly honored 🥺 You can find some of it here and here!

So many unpublished, and let's just not talk about the half-finished ones partially posted and on hiatus.....

There are so many stories I've started on my phone at 3 am cuz that's when the ideas hit lol

Very much depends on what you think counts as "drunk." I effectively never drink to the point of significant intoxication, but writing tipsy? Oh yeah that's happened.

The Measure of a Tit. It's a short, cute, funny little Sailor Moon ficlet and I really think it deserves more love. It was bouncing around in my head for years before I finally sat down and wrote it, and I love how it turned out.

Swear to god I am gonna make money off of writing shit, I just need to get something actually produced or published.

Tagging: @hotcocoaandstripedsweaters @nerdsandthelike @when-did-this-become-difficult @mediumorange @greentealycheejelly @non-un-topo and anybody else!

Blank bingo under the cut

[a-roguish-gambit]

NOOO minI dp would be so cute WHY!!!

😭😭😭

Three reasons

1. I like Deadpool but I don't want him to take over my blog. That has a tendency to happen with deadpool.

2. I do try to keep a specific canon for the mini mutants: a. they are manmade creatures so there are no baby minis, they will come out as one size and that is the size they will always be. They are also the experiments of Mr sinister who have turned on him for his crimes against mutants b. There can't make more of themselves on their own. Have no sex drive, or even have sex organs. They are just little biological dolls. c. As they are made from pure mutant X Gene radiation energy and it is the main thing keeping them alive they have to be based off of mutants. They cannot live without this energy and non-mutants don't naturally produce it. d. They have the exact same degree of power as their full-sized counterparts.

This would all make mini dp kinda break the canon I've established as a. Mr. Synister to my knowledge has little to no interest in deadpool and would probs not include his DNA in his research. b. It would break Deadpool's character to have him not be sexual and crass as hell, it's a big theme of his comics, but fundamentally sex and sexual behavior is not a factor in mini biology. c.Deadpool doesn't have a naturally functioning X Gene his had to be induced in a literal weapon X style experiment, so his mini would not last long by my Canon, possibly not long enough to induce the x gene. d.this part is more my opinion, but two fully powered deadpools would be too much for the world I think...

3. I have said this before but I have friends who are uncomfortable with Deadpool due.to how the Deadpool fandom used to be before he got big on Tumblr (think 2012 reddit culture) to the point where he can be a bit of a trigger so I'm trying not to feature him too much on this blog out of respect for them.

Sorry to disappoint. Feel free to make your own mini deadpools though I don't claim ownership to the concept of making a tiny version of a character and id love to see him!

[awesomehoggirl]

hi! you dont have to post this if u dont wanna :P i js hope u read it tubbo3091 means a lot to me, which i know you probably are aware means a lot to many many people. as someone who's been there since october of 2020 like you, ctubbo and ctommy are some of the dearest characters to me i think in the entire universe. theyre such complex characters thatll forever mean the world to me, even if ppl seem 2 think the dsmp is cringe or unserious. i js wanted to thank u for making ctubbo so real, you wrote him in a way that made it feel like the guy from the smp was actually posting on the internet. it's made me cry multiple times, and you're such an amazing talented artist and writer. in my eyes, ull always be the #1 ctubbo shooter, as u understand and perceive him in the perfect way. to me, the dsmp is one of those medias you never really move on from, because its just so impactful and brings so many good memories. i hope its the same for you, too :) i hope you continue to write and draw cbenchtrio, especially ctubbo. half because i love seeing ur content and half because i never want the person who understands ctubbo the best to lose the spark, bc when i think of ctubbo ill always think of ur blog. thank u soso much and i hope this wasnt too corny. obviously i wouldnt expect you to but if you ever feel like posting on tubbo3091 again PLS DO! and if you have any new art or poetry on cbenchtrio, sharee!! no pressure, but i hope one day ill see tubbo3091 come back :3 thank you <3

i wont lie to you i saw this message this morning and squealed and saved it for now and now i have read it and ❤️❤️❤️ you are so lovely anon. thank you so much for taking the time to write to me ive just come back to writing after like half a year of doing fuck all bc i was dealing with shit and im having some confidence issues so i cannot even express how much this means. whenever someone tells me that blog meant something to them in any way i feel so elated bc it was SO fun to run and sorta proves to my imposter syndromey self that i have produced good things before and can again. while the fandom is in my past rn ctub will definitely always have a special place in my gay ass heart. id love to a few new sketches of him actually thank you for the idea!!! hope ur having a gorg day urself :) and thank you again 🍎

[6kuros]

As a fellow creator who is also disturbed and upset by the revelation of pizza tower being a product of 4chan type people, I'm wondering how you handle it? I still want to draw fan art but Im struggling to not get uncomfortable. Basically, I have both love and hate for the game now, and you seem like a cool person so Im wondering how you deal with that. Love your pizza tower fan art sm btw!

im really glad that you enjoy my art, and also am flattered you think im cool!!!

first of all, id like to mention that the art i posted just now was art that i had finished last night, before everything about mcpig came to light and i just wanted to post it since i already had it done…still unsure if im going to draw consistent pizza tower in the future honestly, id like to because its a lot of fun and i really do love a lot about the game. ideally, the current situation would change somehow so i can do that without any discomfort for myself or others, but the only way i foresee that happening is if the devs actually remove the racist shit from the game

what makes me feel (kind of) okay about producing fanart for the game despite what emerged is mostly the fact that as long as i am not reproducing the harmful contents of the game, nor directly supporting the people behind it, im not putting any harm into the world or perpetuating the 4chan stuff i guess? the only thing im really worried about is possibly getting people to want to buy the game by putting my fanart out there, but considering the games popularity from streaming and youtube videos i dont see my own art as contributing to that much. that makes it easier for me not to feel unsettled when i draw fanart for it, but i think that depends on how you view the relationship between fanart and source material, especially in an interactive space like the internet. if you think your art risks sending the message that you approve of negative aspects of a piece of media then its probably better not to share that art

theres also the fact that from the messages that were revealed i get the impression that at some point mcpig had a sort of disdain for "cringe leftists" being fans of the game i guess, and i would consider myself someone who he would/would have found cringe at one point lol. so by being into the game its kind of a fuck you idc that you hate me, this thing you made is being enjoyed by cringe leftists. considering the tone of some of the messages was "if people get mad at me im just going to be edgy in response" i dont even think disengaging with the game would even bother him at all. but all of that is really just speculation and i dont want to insinuate that engaging with bigoted media is proactive just because you are a marginalized person or have progressive politics. its important to actually weigh the harm of your actions and what effect you have with your consumption of said media i dont really know if thats a good answer though, and if it holds up to any sort of moral judgement. i do think its possible to enjoy problematic media, but considering how new the game is its not the kind of thing i can look at and be like "this piece of media is from x years ago and doesnt do real harm now". my worst fear is that there are pizza tower fans who are going to see the awful shit in the game and replicate it, bc the game somehow makes them thinks theres nothing wrong with it or that they can do so without consequence. just from a scope of the fandom there seem to be a lot of young teenagers so Yeah. im concerned in that regard and id like to beam a message into kids' brains thats just like Hey this character design/behavior fucking sucks Dont do this

so, by posting my art anyway i hope i can contribute to a portion of the fanbase that is outwardly against the bigoted content in the game, as an alternative to mcpig dick riders/defenders. and if there are any fans out there involved in the community who dont know better, hopefully they can learn, and avoid perpetuating bigotry

all that being said, your feelings on the matter may be very different, and you dont have to abide to any of this thinking. if a piece of media is upsetting you, its okay to step away from it as long as you need. maybe see how you feel when you come back to it and if the hateful feelings are still there, there is no obligation to engage further

(and as a bottom line if anybody reading this is considering playing pizza tower i suggest you pirate it instead of paying for it)

[k4ijynxx]

Hellllloooooooo there! Welcome to my blog!!

My name is kai, but i also go by jynx, mangle, or vixen!!

I go by they/it/neos/emojis/none!! I prefer to be called by neos, it, or emojis, but you can call me whatever you want!

I am, in fact, a girlkisser (pretty much any gender that isnt explicitly masculine or male in nature)

Im non-binary, but if you want to be more specific, im a transfemxenic xenogender hoarder semi-agender :3

I am white, perisex (non-intersex) and able-bodied!

Im also a raccoon, lynx, and maned wolf therian!! :3

I love music! Mainly vocaloid and trapmetal :3 (im not really interested in the vocaloids as i like the producers more, but i do love vflower and maika!!)

FROM RIVER TO SEA, UKRAINE, PALESTINE, CONGO, AND ALL WILL BE FREE 🇺🇦🇵🇸🇨🇩

Proud #1 otome worshipper and kiyotome shipper!!

I mainly post agere content, but i also post a lot of other stuff! thats just what im known for :3

My birthday is august 10!

Im American (please save me this country is dying)

I love asks! And i mean i REALLYYYY LOVEEEE asks!! PLEASE SEND IM BEGGING YOU /nf

Fandoms im in (✨= not in the fandom, but familiar with it): fnaf (fav), genshin (✨), danganronpa(fav), pokemon(fav), mlp, tokidoki series, the owl house, she ra, heartless deceit (EXTREME FAV), ghost and pals, hazbin hote(✨)l, helluva boss(✨), fnaf fangames, backrooms, trevor henderson

Some other things i post about: drhd content, art, fandom posts, just anything i want!

Byf:

- im apart of the mogai community, and also a radical inclusionist, but i do NOT support radqueers

- i am autistic, and also have adhd, anxiety, deppresion, a eating disorder, and a sensory disorder, so i may act “strange” at times, please dont mention it

- i may swear, or post things that aren’t safe for regressors, this is because i dont just so agere, and this is my blog, so i can post whatever i want, but be aware

- i appreciate tonetags!

Dni: basic dni, think m-spec lesbians, lesboys, and any other mogai labels are "invalid", proship, NSFW, shota / lolicon, fujoshi / yaoi fans, nagito / kokichi / junko / haji / william afton heavy blogs (for my own comfort), narc abuse liers, radqueers (fuck you guys oh my god), transharmful “IDs”

Click here for a list of ways to refer to me, and also other labels i have!!

🍥🦴🐾

🍮🦝🏳️‍⚧️

♾️

[capybaraonabicycle]

Hey there! Thought I'd return the favour...

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

9. How do you find new fic to read?

10. How do you decide what to write?

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

31. What's your ideal fic length to write?

32. What's your ideal fic length to read?

45. What's something you've improved on since you started writing fic?

And if you want, 49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you're up for it!

Very excited to read, and if you have a fic suggestion that I might enjoy of yours to get started, please do share! I'm always happy to check them out!! 🥰

Thank you so much, dear! I am putting this under the cut because it's LONG :)

2. What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits

Here we go:

Fluff (15)

Kissing (12)

Flirting (9)

Fluff and Angst (9)

Friendship (7)

That's pretty accurate, I would say :D I have started writing more angst and less fluff but there is still a good amount of fluff and kissing in anything I produce. I am a little disappointed 'sentient tardis' isn't on here, so maybe I'll need to write more stories with that specific premise :)

9. How do you find new fic to read?

I ask you. Just kidding. Well, I do, but not exclusively.

I often go via filter, starting at the dw 2005 page and then mostly character combination wise, sometimes as a ship, sometimes I just want to see certain people and add them separately. Then sometimes I add a certain keyword (like 'fluff', I do love fluff dearly as you know) or I decide on which array of ratings I feel like and exclude the rest. Also I often know which pairings I DON'T want to see rn, so I exclude those, too.

And then I look at summaries mostly (since the tags are already to my liking, aren't they?) and read whatever catches my eye :)

Sometimes I will specifically look for specific crossovers too (otherwise I mostly exclude them) which is done via the search function. Or I tag a minor minor character like Lorna Bucket because really if they don't get enough time on the show then I need to read all the fanfic!

(this is all about dw, obviously. Because we are living like royals and can be picky. For other fandoms I literally read what there is because they have like 100 fics)

10. How do you decide what to write?

[ID: gif of a fluffy dog with animated question marks on their head. end ID]

Next question.

(Honestly, I don't know??? whatever is shouting the loudest inside my head??)

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

I don't know? Anytime someone says 'tropes' I can only think of 'only one bed' and that's the only trope then that exists for me. I know there's more but I never can think of any. I've always liked 'only one bed' though. It's so silly; just sleep in that bed?! And then there's always that big thing around it, and everything is so awkward because it's only one bed. It's great. Not really an answer to your question, but now you know that I don't understand the 'only one bed' trope but I do love it a lot.

31. What's your ideal fic length to write?

2k-10k. I often don't manage to stay below 2k and anything above 10k I most likely won't finish. If I have to put a pin in it.... 3000 words, that's the perfect amount to manage AND feel very proud of how much I wrote :)

32. What's your ideal fic length to read?

If it's by someone I'm unfamiliar with: <5k. Then I will be most likely to say 'alright, we'll give this a try, I can do this.'

If it's by someone whose writing I already love: any length. I'll never get enough of you, give me the longest most convoluted plots or 5 words you scribbled during lunch, I love you, I smile like an idiot whenever I get an email notification and it's in one of my fandoms ❤️❤️❤️

45. What's something you've improved on since you started writing fic?

English <3

Okay, actual answer now:

I think I have become a lot better with tackling queer themes? Maybe 'better' is not the best word but 'more comfortable'. When I first started writing fic, it had to be a boy and a girl and then they got together. Because of course that's how it goes. (Also I was way back in the closet then.) (bear in mind I am talking of 10+ years of writing fic now.) (also yes, I've always been writing a lot of gen and family/other platonic relationships, too)

And then I slowly, carefully, started writing wlw and mlm ships. And then some poly ships. Maybe even some ace characters. A year ago I finally wrote a coming-out fic.

And it's still difficult. I especially struggle with trans and poly characters because I don't identify as such - or well at least I lean towards not identifying as trans or poly - and I am still so scared of doing harm and doing something wrong and I am questioning whether I am the right person to write those stories.

But it's getting better? I'm trying to get more into the mindset of 'I AM the right person because when I'll make mistakes, hopefully someone will notice and I will learn and do better next time'. And I definitely feel way less ashamed about queer topics in general and writing queer themes in particular, so that's an awesome step.

It's definitely not just about the writing, but the reading of fic too, spending time on tumblr (one of the things where this webbed site actually has a positive influence imo) and meeting more queer people in real life. But writing something queer and someone telling you 'I liked this' or 'I feel this' or 'they are so cute together'? That's simply amazing and it feels so good that it has become basically normal for me.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you're up for it!

I mean, you know it's primarily the cat fic. Let's have some of it, shall we?

River is being very naughty here, so I am sorry. I have to say, I am still feeling kinda uncomfortable about the lack of informed consent in part of this. But, tbh, I am also totally living my best life here.

(what to expect, in case you'd rather avoid it: accidental flashing of underwear to Yaz by the Doctor, also Siren is both checking the Doctor out while she doesn't know who the cat is and giving Yaz little cat kisses while Yaz isn't aware that she isn't a cat.)

“Holding you might even psyche me up for talking to her” Yaz murmured while turning towards the door, “as it seems I am developing some sort of crush, there.” It was the first time she had said it out loud and the words hung heavy on her tongue, however softly she had spoken them. Something rough graced her cheek and when she turned, she realised Siren had licked her face. The cat was looking at her with shining eyes, she almost seemed excited. Then she leant forward, bopping Yaz's chin with her nose. Yaz laughed, the weight of her feelings for the Doctor immediately feeling lighter. “Does this mean, you approve?” she asked amusedly and Siren purred, very loudly. “Well then” Yaz snorted. “Can't go nothing wrong with your approval, can it?” Siren meowed, possibly to support the point, and Yaz finally left her room, cat in her arms. She couldn't deny though, that after that talking up, there was a certain spring to her step and energy to the knock on the Doctor's door, that otherwise wouldn't have been there. She was, however, not prepared in the slightest for what awaited her, when the Doctor opened the door. She was wearing her working goggles, her hair pulled back into a bun that half the blonde mess had fallen out of already, and underneath, on her torso, she was wearing a dark-blue, sweaty sports bra, her suspenders and nothing else. “Uhh” Yaz said, quickly averting her eyes and staring at a spot next to the Doctor instead. “Hiya Yaz” the Doctor pushed up the goggles and when Yaz's eyes flickered to her face she could see a beaming smile between smudges of engine oil. “What's up?” “I've got your cat” Yaz got out, trying to push her towards the Doctor but tiny claws held onto her shirt for dear life. Apparently, Siren wasn't ready to part yet. When Yaz looked down on her, she could see that contrarily to herself, Siren was blatantly staring at the Doctor's state of undress and she had a silly, yet strong urge to cover the cat's eyes.

Oh, btw, that situation was totally orchestrated by Siren, as you might have guessed. The Doctor is oblivious, she doesn't even remember taking her shirt off. So, yeah, someone tell River to behave. Not me though, unfortunately, I'll basically let her do whatever she wants 🤷‍♀️ Because I can barely say no to River or cats and both combined is too strong a force

Also, I have added some angst so you can have a bit of that as well :) it came out of nowhere and poor Yaz is again my victim. But at least they talk?

(here again Siren is dealing out cat kisses to Yaz, I am planning on making them have a conversation about that later btw, I don't think I can just leave that in and have Yaz not confront River about it. Also Siren is in Yaz's bed here. And the Doctor is barging into Yaz's room without waiting for permission or knocking. And they're fighting, but I think that's it. I cut off before we get to the angsty details.)

Siren purred louder as if she wanted to drown out all of Yaz's worries. “You're a good friend” she murmured and a tiny tongue licked her chin. It tickled and Yaz even had to snort a little. “Thanks” she repeated and prepared to fall asleep with the cat in her arm. Unfortunately, that was when the Doctor finally coughed up the idea to visit Yaz's room. She didn't knock – why would she need to knock, really, on someone's private door – but burst right in like she usually did. She even switched on the light before the door was completely open. “Doctor!” Yaz shot up in her bed, glaring at her. “Yaz!” the Doctor beamed back, noticing the cat – who was hissing at the lamp and looked about as unhappy as Yaz about the turn of events. “You found Siren! Brilliant! Got you both in one place!” “Doctor, I was sleeping!” Yaz exaggerated slightly and the Doctor blinked. “Oh” she said and then. “Why would you do that? You haven't come round my place yet?” She looked highly confused and even a little crestfallen and Yaz had the very stupid urge to hug her. Which she luckily couldn't follow, seated in bed as she was. Because she was angry with her and this was not the time to pity her. Instead she sighed, bracing herself. Maybe she could still ward off the fight until tomorrow, but she needed to be ready. “I'm not coming to your room tonight, Doctor.” “Why not?” “I'm tired” she said simply. “You can sleep in my bed again” the Doctor proposed. “Doctor” Yaz ran a hand through her hair. “I'd like to be alone, tonight.” The Doctor frowned, scanning the way Yaz was avoiding her gaze now, the way her hand was fisted in the bed sheets, the way Siren was sitting at her side like a bodyguard ready to pounce. She was probably also seeing the tear streaks on Yaz's cheek but Yaz refused to brush them away for fear of drawing attention to them. “Have I upset you?” the Doctor miraculously came to the right conclusion and addressed it with her usual degree of directness. “Do you really think it's a good idea to discuss that now?” Yaz asked quietly. “Maybe I should take the night to calm down.” “I don't want you to be miserable for a whole night!” the Doctor exclaimed, dropping down onto the rim of her bed without invitation. “What happened?” Yaz took a deep, steadying breath. Alright, so they were doing that now. Siren pushed into her side as if to give her strength and Yaz gratefully buried a hand in her fur. Then she finally looked the Doctor in the eye.

So, it's so much fun, I can tell you :) No, it actually is, I just don't understand what possessed me to hurt Yaz. But they'll have a fight here, make up (not make out yet but we're getting there - that is until plot happens) and then the three of them will sleep in Yaz's bed for once. Because, as I told you, I believe that if you've got one bed, you've got a BED. So you should use it to sleep, especially if you're a chronically awake alien running on adrenalin and cookies <3

Fic recs

You should definitely read the Division!Mels AU as I've said before. It is mainly a Fugitive Doctor/Mels AU, but there is a little Fugitive Doctor/River and 12/River in there and quite a bit Mels & Karvanista and general Doctor & Lee & Gat & Karvanista & Mels. Just one big TARDIS team getting up to hijinks and basically everyone being on the verge of breakdown at any given moment. (mostly Gat, tbh, I am not gentle with the poor woman, but honestly Mels and the Doctor are hanging on by a thread, too and the Doctor then takes it out on Lee (and Gat). The only chill person is Karvanista - until he decides Mels is his pup now and he needs to look out for her. Because we all know looking out for River is a handful. She's the woman who jumps off skyscrapers expecting her mum to catch her somehow.)

For the AU, I think you should start with the fic Dance with Me (or: Selling the Cover for Gat). The works in the series are all written out of order so technically you can read them however you want. But this one shows pretty nicely what the series is about, I think. Plus, it's the one I wrote first. Storywise this is the turning point of 'friends to lovers' in the 'enemies to friends to lovers to strangers/enemies to lovers to strangers' narrative.

Oh yeah, btw, the works in the series are all finished but the series isn't. So everything's ready to be read in full but you cannot get the whole story yet. Their first meeting is missing for example and we don't know where they end up finally either. Well I do and we kinda do because of canon but the details are yet to be written.

Furthermore, there are bits of the Paternoster Gang in A Family Wedding, Somewhere in My Memory and The Responsible Thing to Do. I would mainly advise you to read the first two, neither really focus on them either but The Responsible Thing to Do only mentions Vastra briefly and that's it. I put it here anyway bc it is my first fic on ao3 and I think it is quite cute. (Also I kinda wanted you to know that I mention Vastra in my first fic on ao3 :) )

Family Wedding, as I may have said before, is my most popular fic and VERY fluffy. Unfortunately, it also merely mentions the Paternoster Gang but at least a few times and we kinda get to see them from afar. Big focus on 13/River and Jenny & Doctor and Jenny & the Ponds in this. Jenny, as in the Doctor's daughter, I have to admit I have written way more for her than for your Vastra's Jenny. But the two Jennys meet here - albeit very briefly - and get along great.

And Somewhere in my memory is again Doctor/River-centric but it's the fam 2.0 visiting the Paternoster Gang for Christmas so at least they show up properly. Not nearly enough but they all get their little scene - Jenny has a bit of a 'how are they suddenly hot wtf this feels wrong' problem with the Doctor being a woman and a 'get out of my kitchen asap' problem with the Doctor stealing cookies, Strax reacts to the Flux (not sufficiently, I've got thoughts on this that didn't make it into the fic, ask me about them if you like) and almost gets probic vented on accident and Vastra gets to trick the Doctor on behalf of her bestie River :) Since Christmas is coming up and it is my main Paternoster Gang fic, maybe it is fun for you? They mostly appear in chapter 1, so you could also just read that if you wanted to. I have to warn you chapter 1 ends on a cliffhanger, though.

Now I realise that I have just advised you to read my two most nsfw fics. Which maybe isn't too clever knowing your preferences. (I haven't ever written any actual smut but Somewhere in my memory comes close and Dance with me has a lot of internal Mels monologue - which includes a lot of checking out of the Doctor and accompanying thoughts (so this gets quite violent, too) .)

Hang on, let's pick out some nice gen fic as a third option, why don't we?

I've plugged A Bright Blue Box to you once before (Jenny & fugitive Doctor) and I still think that one's best for you. But I think you could also enjoy The Rose. It is one of my earliest works and a crossover of dw and The Little Prince. (You don't need to know The Little Prince to understand it, but should it be unfamiliar to you I would advise you to read it. It's beautiful and a little fairytale like.) It's just 12 being depressed about all his friends dying and meeting the Rose who has been waiting for her Prince to return but gets a sad and grumpy alien instead. I even made some art for that fic here - which I am currently using as my header btw - and it continues to be one of my favourites.

[aerialworms]

hello dear mutual! I have a question. I'm no longer in the fandom but I like watching from the sidelines. there was a poll asking if destiel will still be made canon and my question is: how. isn't the prequel planned about the parents? I would love an explanation cause I don't understand. thank you so much!!

Hello there friend!! I'm happy to explain, I love rambling about this batshit show so much!

So yes, the prequel is about the parents, but I'm not sure how much you know about it so here's a little primer: from what I've seen, it's actually Dean telling the story of how his parents met and fell in love, presumably while he's up in Heaven post-finale (y'know, where Cas is also supposed to be). Jensen and his wife Daneel are executive producing, and the prequel is being showrun by Robbie Thompson, known for writing such episodes as Goodbye Stranger (the crypt scene my beloved!!!!!!), Meta Fiction ("What makes a story work? Is it the plot, the characters, the text? The subtext?"), and Fan Fiction (the musical ep! With Sam teasing Dean about destiel!). So from the get-go everyone was like 👀 because Robbie has always been a destiel-positive writer! Plus, apparently, Daneel's favourite character is Cas, so it would make sense for them to bring Cas back if they (and Misha) wanted!

Please bear in mind that I haven't actually watched any of the prequel, i've just been living vicariously through my dash. People who have actually watched it/know more than me please feel free to add on/correct me!

So, to my knowledge, the reasons people are thinking they might make Destiel canon in the prequel are (in no particular order):

a) A few weeks ago there was an episode that had Gabriel (as played by Richard Speight Jr) as the MOTW and also had a background cameo from Rob Benedict in a very bad wig (unclear if that was Chuck or not), and there have been quotes from (i think) Robbie saying that they're only having cameos from OG SPN actors if it's relevant to the story they want to tell (and since the Rob cameo was not explained or plot-relevant people are thinking they're possibly going to do a Chuck won scenario? It could turn out that he was never actually defeated in 15.19 and now Dean has to show up to fight him again (and get Cas back?? maybe??))

b) In that same episode, there was a scene where Mary and John look at a picture of some dude who'd given them a clue or talked to John or something - it was Dean! So he's alive again, briefly, in the 70s. Could be time travel, could be he's escaped from Heaven. So if Dean is around in the show, whether just as narrator or as a character in the story, he has the potential to go rogue and look for Cas, or be telling the story to Cas up in Heaven. In either case, there is the potential for canon destiel, if they (Jensen, Daneel, Robbie, Misha, etc.) decide they want to do that.

c) Jensen has said various things at cons recently which are kinda 👀, including that he'd have been happy to keep going on SPN for another 6 years, and, most recently (this weekend), which I think sparked the poll you were talking about - that if Dean and Cas reunited Dean would say "Hey, can we talk about that goodbye a little bit?" and then joked that nah, it would be more like "hey, buddy, good to see you, old pal" but THEN said "I don't know, maybe we'll get to see that, that would be interesting" (Here's a gifset of him saying that if you're interested)

Also this:

[ID: Tweet from Toni @JensFloofHair.

JENSEN WANTS TO FILM A NEW ENDING FOR SUPERNATURAL, THE ONE HE HAD DREAMED OF. ABOUT A 2 DAY SHOOTING, HE SAYS.

Misha: I mean, you have the Impala.

Damn right, nothing stopping them!!

#JIB11 /End ID]

It's no secret that Jensen Did Not like the finale, apparently Eric Kripke had to talk him into it and he still makes salty jokes about it even now. Add the fact that he got someone else to film the confession for him because he wanted to have a record of it, and has said they cut out key parts of his performance in that scene (which is why the editing of it is so janky). So it's possible that he intended for there to be actual reciprocation in that scene and, well, now he's got the reins. He could do it if he wanted!!!

d) The prequel finale - airing next Tuesday, Jack help us - is titled "Hey, that's no way to say goodbye". Which was already kinda 👀 before the con this weekend, but combined with Jensen saying Dean would say "can we talk about that goodbye a little bit?" is um. Look I don't wanna get my hopes up. But also........ 👀👀👀

I think the prevailing theories at the moment (from what I've seen on my dash) are that either:

a) They're baiting us to keep interest in the prequel (I trust Robbie but I don't really trust Jensen, so this seems likely)

b) They really are gonna bring Cas back, either as him being the one Dean is telling this story to up in Heaven, or using that Rob Benedict cameo to retcon the finale and make the show about breaking free of Chuck's control for realsies this time (which hopefully means Cas actually showing up and not being explained away in one line like the finale)

Like I said, I don't wanna get my hopes up because I don't quite trust Jensen. But. Given Robbie Thompson showrunning and Daneel loving Cas and Jensen dropping all these maybe-maybe-not hints. If they DID make destiel canon. I would not be surprised.

Well maybe a little bit but in an "I can't believe I was right" way.

[olderthannetfic]

"Why I don't write F/F" thread proceeded just as unproductively as I expected. It wasn't about moralizing about the women not writing F/F, it was a question about why personal reasons for avoiding a configuration aren't reflected in opposite directions by other groups. Unlike race, gender has an almost 50/50 split, there's a scale to the proportions not there for other types of identity category. "The femslash police suck" is a factor I can understand. But why wouldn't "personal reasons I just don't feel it towards this configuration" end up an even distribution across the population? The expectation for women to write about women isn't a moral rule, it's that if you allow the logic "men in control of stories write about men (and that's why more mainstream stories center men)", then the flip side is, well, why people clamor for more women behind the camera and in the writers' room. Either accept the logic for both sides or challenge it for both sides. Instead we have the worst of both worlds, we accept it for one side and challenge it for the other. Where's the parallel universe where this imbalance somehow resulted in a different quadrant being the smallest proportion of ships?

--

Why wouldn't "personal reasons" be even? Because the kinds of issues people face based on their demographic aren't.

But I think the larger factor is how socialization affects choice of hobbies and volunteer efforts. Cis men and cis women, on average, go in for different flavors. The dudes tend to be more bothered by the idea of "not getting anything back" for what feels like work. When they do do unpaid labor, it's often the kind that accrues glory and career prospects rather than less showy social ties. Open source coding projects where they can be important, yes. Writing fanfic, no.

Looking up any analysis of volunteering and unpaid work that makes such-and-such a part of society function will get you a lot of discussion of this gendered difference. It's pervasive.

Of course, this is just a broad trend. Plenty of guys do write fanfic, and when they dominate a fanfic space, we see tons of fic focused on the female characters they find attractive, including f/f fic.

And if you're asking about cis gay men specifically... well... again, gendered socialization means that the issues faced by cis lesbians and cis gay men are not equivalent. The reasons and ways that people employ allegory to talk about things "too close to home" will likewise not be exactly the same. Traditional US gay male culture goes in for drag and for an obsession with Hollywood divas and The Golden Girls. Plenty is being mediated through female personas; it's just not translating into fanfic specifically. But most people making "Leave the fujoshi alone" arguments are not thinking about cis gays: they're thinking about people in messier identity categories.

The biggest difference is not behavior but simply that cis men are a small minority on FFN, AO3, and Wattpad, the three big fanfic archives. (Some ancient FFN research found that it was 78% female, and that's the archive known for having more men!) The places with more cis guys are much smaller and don't get talked about as much by most fandom history and fandom meta types from the AO3 side of things.

The reason cis men's taste in favorite characters isn't being "pushed back against" isn't a double standard: it's because:

Cis men simply aren't that relevant to site-wide trends on AO3

and

2. The reverse pattern does happen all the time with vanishingly little m/m and lots of f/f

You sound like you think we'd make this fanfic-specific argument about pro media. In fact, plenty of queer women are open that they produce original f/f but not f/f fanfic or they produce f/f fanworks but not fic. A lot of the "too close to home" arguments are specifically about the kind of id fuel, naked-in-public vibes of AO3-style fanfic. Writing that is less id-driven may not feel that same way. A given woman might have a much easier time writing a mystery novel about a lesbian detective who never gets laid on page than a steamy f/f bodice ripper.

The parallel universe you ask about exists. It's horny imageboards full of fan art of anime girls.

The reason you sound judgmental and are getting "unproductive" responses is that you're phrasing things as though we're refusing to solve a problem. In reality, we're attempting to analyze the situation that exists. It's a descriptive approach.

[shellxrls]

hey. i have a genuine question since you're someone who seems very into fandom communities / write fanfiction. i'm thinking about starting to write fanfic, but i'm 27. do you think its like weird? like will i be the weird grandma at the party with the 21 year olds LOL

hi! in my honest opinion, it wouldn’t be weird at all, and it only becomes weird if you make it weird - so try to be relaxed about it and don’t worry too much, i’m sure you’ll do great. i’ve been in tons of fandoms where there have been a lot of authors significantly older than me or generally in their late 20’s/early 30’s. often authors who are older also tend to produce higher quality content, just bc they seem to have a lot more practise and experience - and i personally really appreciate that, & id be upset if i was deprived of it just bc someone thought they were ‘too old’ to start writing :).

the only thing i would say though, some younger creators do have age limits with those who interact with them nsfw (for example i knew of a mutual who didn’t want anyone above 25 interacting with them nsfw and they established that as a boundary on their blog) so make sure you look out for that and keep it in mind when interacting with fellow creators.

i wish you good luck and i hope you do end up sharing some of your writing, it’s always great when a fandom gets bigger!!

[everythingsinred]

what follows is a long, rambly, and possibly sappy thank you note to the best fandom ive ever involved myself in. if you have ever sent me an ask, commented on my fics, or replied to a post i made (or even liked it tbh)--then this post is for you. (and this is most certainly not a good-bye or even close; i just occasionally get into sappy moods)

i want to start working on a career that i like, and my mom’s recommendation was to start a writing blog (she insisted i dont call it that though--to call it a “website” so it sounds more professional when i apply for writing gigs). its not the first time shes given me that advice but i have for some reason always resisted that idea before. “nobody would read it” was always the bottom line. that whole “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has always been my outlook on anything i produce. its why i feel so poorly whenever i post a new chapter of a fic or any art ever. its why im taking so long on the next batch of ga essays. its why ive never formally submitted any writing ever for publishing. why would anyone read anything i have to write, especially with no dead fandom to prompt them? who would choose me out of all the aspiring writers out there?

for ga it was a bit easier after a bit of breaking through the initial anxiety of sharing bits of myself. its a small fandom. not much content going around. theyd take anything right? even if it was from me! 

but something really weird happened these past few years in the ga fandom. i started writing essays and became more vocal, posting my thoughts, writing a long, dark, fucked up fanfic. i got feedback from people who wanted more from me. theyd ask me my thoughts on things, when id never considered myself an authority on anything or even very interesting to talk to (a lifetime of being the substitute friend will do that to you). ppl sent me asks about questions. they replied to my posts to further discuss things. me! what on earth?

then it got weirder. i posted my weird messed up little fic and now every once in a while ill get a comment from a person that says that my fic is their favorite, not just in the fandom, but ever. EVER. what? a couple of people have told me that they’d read anything i wrote, even if it had nothing to do with gakuen alice.

that they’d read something just because it was me.

this isnt a rant or a vent. something has changed in my self esteem in the past few years because today, when my mom told me i should start a “writing website” and post weekly writing, it actually sounded like a decent idea. no part of her advice was different than it had ever been, but i was. i could for the first time imagine starting a blog (website) and picture someone actually liking what they found there. and that’s bc of the ga fandom and bc of the writing ive done it for it and SPECIFICALLY the writing ive actually had the guts to share. 

none of it has been perfect. im lazy when it comes to self-editing and when i finish writing a chapter im eager to just throw it out there instead of rereading it once, let alone twice. a lot of it has been imperfect, but you guys still read it. you enjoyed it, even. “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has never been a problem for you. for whatever reason, quite a few of you like me, like my writing, like my ideas and thoughts. a couple of years ago i wouldnt have been able to fathom that, not even in my wildest dreams. 

im proud of myself for taking those first steps a couple years back, for posting those first couple posts and letting myself get involved in the fandom for a manga ive loved for half my life. im proud because if i hadnt done that, then maybe my self esteem wouldnt have developed like this. maybe i wouldnt have been able to picture a career in publishing as clearly as i can now. i obviously still have issues as far as my self esteem is concerned. i second-guess myself. i talk down to myself. i put off rereading bc i dont want to hate what i create. but you guys have helped me like my writing and helped me see that other people can like it too.

i am beyond grateful for that. i dont get a lot of traction or feedback like i would if i were in a larger fandom, but i dont mind. the feedback that i do get is of such good quality and has meant so much to me that it has potentially changed my life. i just needed you all to know that. that the people who have sent me asks, both on and off anon, requesting my thoughts on any topic; the people who leave comments on ffn and ao3, giving support ranging from long paragraphs to a brief sentence; the people who dm me or message me to share their thoughts on my work; the people who commented on my natsumikan essays telling me that ive helped them see something from a different perspective--you all have helped me see that there’s value in the things i create. 

i just want to say thank you. it has meant so much to me so far to be able to feel so confident in my writing. i really didnt even notice the change until today. how bizarre is it that something so important can change without you even noticing? i look forward to sharing more with you, from more fics to the mikan essay (which still has to be perfect, just maybe not as perfect as it wouldve had to be a few years ago lol). 

don’t be nervous that this a good-bye. it is not. it’s strange because whenever i’ve said anything like this (sent a message of adoration to a person i love, for example), people think it’s a bad sign. that i’m saying good-bye, or that it’s somehow a sign of something unsaid. i understand. this kind of nonsense sappiness (like all that stuff i wrote up there ^) is usually saved for the ffn bio when someone is leaving the site, for the good-bye post when someone decides to leave a fandom. “you’ve all meant so much to me and i’m leaving now.” that’s because usually people save all the important things for the end. you only say how you’ve felt when you say farewell. i don’t think life should be that way. i’m not saying good-bye, i’m saying i love you. i think people should say that more. i want people to feel good about themselves for what they’ve done, however small, to make my life--and undoubtedly the lives of others--a little brighter. and you have. you should know and i don’t intend to keep it to myself until i say good-bye (whenever or even if that happens). 

tldr; i love you gakuen alice fandom <3 youre not dead because dead things cant give life the way you have.

[ghoste-catte]

hi! I'm not sure if this is an odd question but do you ever experience anxiety when it comes to sharing your fics and if so, how do you deal with that? I used to enjoy writing but somehow I got stuck in a loop where I avoid sharing my works out of fear that others will judge what I create but this also keeps me from improving at all. I know content creators are generally told to not worry about making mistakes and that it's also part or the process but I find this is easier said than done.. (this makes me respect any kind of artist so much more tbh. like, I think the worst kind of pressure is the one you put onto yourself and idk how others deal with that?) anyways, thanks for reading, I'm a big fan of yours 🙏🥰

Not an odd question at all!

When I first started writing fic as an adult, I had horrible anxiety about it. I had written maybe 10 "fics" as a teenager, but they were all really short or something stupid I had written with friends. So when I dipped my toes back into fanfic in my 20s, I had to sit in complete isolation in my bedroom, with the door closed, with headphones in. Even though my wife knew I was writing fic, I absolutely could not have her in the room with me. When I first started, I was so mortified that I'd just write G and L if I was handwriting in a notebook, just in case someone inexplicably saw it.

For me, what helped me get over that escalating anxiety and actually post the damn thing was twofold:

I joined an event, where I had assigned prompts and an assigned posting date, so I felt a sense of external pressure and obligation to post.

I had been rolling Hanakotoba around in my head for literal years, and I really did want people to read it.

I do understand the feeling of vulnerability with taking the text and putting it out there for others. There's often, for me at least (still to this day!), a feeling of apprehension about people being able to know things about me based on my work. I overcome this generally by writing for events, prompts, and other people. It both ups the pressure to actually produce and post something and feels a bit less vulnerable: no, see, I wrote this for something; this isn't just my personal id on display.

So if your issue is the mortifying idea of being known, we're lucky to live in a time where you have a few options:

You can post your fic to the Anonymous collection on Ao3, so that no one ties it to you specifically.

You can pick a username that doesn't link to any of your other usernames and not link your socials to the fic, leaving it fully pseudonymous.

You can turn off comments, screen comments, or disallow comments from guest users on Ao3.

You can post the fic and orphan it (though this removes any control you have over the fic like being able to edit or delete it).

You can post the fic with minimal tags (just 'Creator Chose Not to Warn' and a fandom), to reduce the likelihood of it being seen.

Add a disclaimer (even one of those silly tags like 'No beta; we die like Neji') or something in the author's note to let potential readers know how you're feeling. Something like: "Hey, this is my first time posting a fic, so I'm really nervous! Encouragement is very welcome." (The one thing I wouldn't suggest doing is putting something like, "I know this sucks!" - that does genuinely turn people off from reading.)

If your concern is the publication of judgment, I don't think you have much to worry about there. Fandom has largely moved away from a concrit culture (where public posting was automatically assumed to be an invitation for people to critique your work, sometimes harshly). I rarely see people leave critical comments on fic. That's not to say I've never seen them, but they're easy enough to delete and just not respond to.

On the other hand, if you're just worried about internet randos thinking things about you in their head but not saying anything ... I hate to not have very good advice about this, but it really is just something you have to let go. Just like you can't control what anyone thinks of you in real life, you can't control how they think of you or your work online. Your work isn't gonna be for everyone, and that's okay! What matters is that you like it or want to share it.

One last thing: There's no shame in writing for yourself and not publishing. You don't need to publish to improve. If improvement is your goal, check out writing advice blogs, pick apart the stories you like to find the things that make them work for you, and read voraciously. It's practice that leads to improvement, not publication.

Sorry for the essay. I hope this is helpful!!

[saltyr3mix]

No longer a void

Poem by Me! written in less than 30 minutes because i was sad. i thought tumblr might appreciate it so here!!!!

I say i love you

And at some point i think i did

I cherished your smile

Memorized your intrests

Laughed at your jokes

Teased your brain

Echoed your dreams

And held you close with a passion 

There was a point where you meant the world to me

The center of my solar system

Thats a good metaphor, let me expand it

My entire life ive been warped into diffrent galaxies 

And grown to find joy and beatuy in all of them

Which is why it hurts

You see id speand years and years 

appraciteing and gathering stars

Finding peace and comfort in these systems

And then ill blink and out of my control im somewhere entirely new

And i’ll enjoy it

But always find myself comparing it to the others

Their differences and similarities were intriguing

From the day i first saw you i could tell you were diffrent than the other stars

No you were barly a star at all

You were a sun

The first thing you did was scare of stars that were close enough to harm me

I thanked you

Your warmth was something i never felt before

It was nice compared to the slight chilli had grown used to

I didnt explore much else of that galxy after that

You were far more interesting than whatever it could possibly offer me

It felt you understtood me

And that you were the only things that did

I thought you were another form of life

You protected me and gave me things

I loved you

And then like the 4 times its happend in the past

I blink and awake to a whole new galaxy

Only its diffrent than the others

It’s made of nothing

Just a dark endless cold void that swallows me whole

Not knowing what to do i call out 

I shout and scream hoping someone would hear me

Pleading for someone to realize how lost and afraid i was

No one came

Until i softly muttered your name

And nearly blinding me you flashed before my eyes

Lighting up the void with a fiery spark

And filling my bones with your comforting heat

You were there for me in my darkest moments

Im still not sure how but you were

I felt so small and alone and terrified of everything

But you were there

I clung to you because i didn't want to lose you again

I didn't want to lose anything again

And it was like that

For a long time

Just you and me against the world

We used to say that a lot back then didnt we?

I think

I think you were in a void of sorts too

I think at this time too, us?

We were the only things in the world

Years went by all in a blur

Our relationship grew and grew

It felt like you mattered to me more than myself most days

I think we both shared that thought

And it was just us

But the world is never that small is it?

Things are happening and changing all the time

And so other small stars started to twinkle in the disstance

It was hard to notice them at first but they were there

And then more started to appear

It wasn't fast 

It still took months and years

But they bloomed

And they didnt stop ethier 

More and more kept coming

It felt like the more that showed up the more that followed

Including other suns

Suns that lighted up the area around them

Suns that produced warmth that stuck my core

I no longer feel cold

I can barely see the void

And so i stooped clinging to you

Im not sure if i regret that or not

I got lost in the new array of stars

Appaciting them diffrently than i used to

It took some time but i started going back to my old habits

But the time i got back to you

Next to all the stars and suns i had just seen you looked so dim

It hurts becuase i know you arent

I know that there was a time that in my eyes 

you shone brighter than whatever this system thinks it is

But thats because you were in-front of a void backdrop

I loved you because you saved me

I loved the warmth that you brought

I loved you becasue at the time i couldnt find anywhere else to put my love

But now?

I have a whole healthy support system behind me

I have hobbies and interests and clubs and fandoms

And writeing!  

And so so so many wonderful family and friends

And i have so much love to give to all of them

That i cant love you like i used to

I’ll write you poems and songs

But wont send you the videos of me recording them

I’ll listen to your stories 

but never check out the source material like you ask

I’ll love you

But i cant cling to you anymore

And i kind of hate that

I want so badly to pay you back for all you for me

I want to love and cherish you like you the only thing in the world

But your not anymore