#as long as he’s happy then ellis is happy. like it doesn’t matter how jealous something makes him he will gladly push it down for the sake

[5hrignold]

feeling sick about ellis and marshall’s relationship again

[soulofapatrick]

Dance with me - Jesse x reader

Summary: Both Jesse and Y/N decide to dance with each other to make their intended person jealous but find something out about themselves

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: none that I can think of 

Y/N’s POV

“They’re so perfect together, aren’t they?” I say to Jesse with fake disgust in my voice as he joins me, beer in hand and honestly look fine as fuck in a dark grey long sleeved henley and tight jeans. He’s got that swagger of confidence that adds to it all, especially when he leans on one elbow next to me. People always have their eyes on Jesse wherever he goes, being one of the only Asian Americans in Jackson and it always makes me laugh at how every gets surprised at the smooth southern twang in his accent. He takes after his mother more except the darker tone of skin, almost a light caramel in the light of the barn.

“Yeah they are.” His voice is low and full of pain and I notice he’s staring at Dina and Ellie dancing while I was staring at Teddy who is dancing with Emily, both of us seemingly pining for one of them that we can’t have. Dina and Jesse broke up last week and it seems like her and Ellie definitely have a thing for each other while Theo doesn’t even know who I am, “Theo still not paying attention?” 

“Nope,” I pop the ‘p’ and he laughs, his smiles gently and I’m blurting out, “We could dance?” 

“We could.” He nods, neither of us moving as he waits for me to reformulate my thoughts and try again, cognac eyes soft and fond. 

“You want Dina to notice you’re happy so dance with me,” I say and something crosses his face too quickly for me to be able to read before he’s putting his beer down and grabbing my hand. It catches me off guard because Jesse’s always touching me whether it’s shoulder to shoulder or either of our fingers brushing the other’s arm or thigh, it’s never been hand holding. His long fingers curling around my hand before he’s spinning me and catching me by the hips, pulling me close and suddenly we’re dancing. 

It’s freeing, as if this is the first time I’ve been able to relax in such a long time and just let Jesse and the music consume me. The song changing to a slightly slower one has Jesse pulling me closer than before and he begins swaying me instead, hands having a firm but comforting grip on my hips. I snake my arms around his shoulders, taking in the others dancing around us. Most of the friend groups have steps off to leave the couples dancing and I spot Ellie and Dina watching us and talking. They’re smiling and laughing still so turn my attention back to Jesse, raising my eyes to meet his as if he’s been watching me this whole time. 

My face flushes but unable to look away from those hooded eyes, suddenly feeling weak at the knees when I realise we’re so close I can make out the light dusting of freckles across his cheeks and nose that I had never seen before. They blend into his currently tanned complexion so I’ve never noticed them or been close enough to notice them. Strands of his  hair falls in his eyes, curling at the ends and it makes me think he should never get a haircut because this slightly longer than normal look is really fucking hot. I can’t help myself when I reach up and brush it aside slightly, hearing Jesse’s breath hitch as we continue to sway. He’s leaning down, hesitating, until his nose bumps mine but he doesn’t come any closer than that, as if afraid. I’m afraid too, not wanting to ruin our friendship because I’d be lost without Jesse, I really would lose myself if he stopped talking. 

I would lose myself. Oh. 

“Y/N,” My name rolls off of his tongue in a whisper so quiet it sounds like a promise. He’s asking for something, he’s asking for everything. I’m tilting my head to the side and it’s as if we were made for each other the way his lips fit against mine in a hesitant and cautious kiss. It’s nothing like how others have kissed me. No, Jesse’s kiss is all consuming and it’s like nothing else matters more than the gentle movement against my lips or the small smile curved into them. 

“Fuck,” I breathe, as we separate, and I’m watching his face for any signs of regret but there’s only what can be described as being conflicted. We’re bumped into by Ellie and Dina before either of us can say or do anything, the pair beaming at us. I’m suddenly not in Jesse’s arms but Ellie is dragging me away from him so he can talk to Dina, making my heart drop. I guess Jesse gets what he wants: Dina. 

“You two are cute,” Ellie nudges me as we head to the bar to get more drinks pointing a finger in another direction before adding, “You know Tommy is going to be a lot stricter with Jesse now.” 

“What?” I ask, following where she’s pointed to. Dad’s standing with Joel and Maria and he waves at me with that look on his face. He’s going to be up to something, that look only ever means bad news in the form of pranks and teasing. It has me groaning and laying my head on Ellie’s shoulder as she orders our drinks with a light laugh. 

Tommy had me a year before the outbreak with some woman he doesn’t remember. I apparently just appeared on his doorstep with a shitty note but much to everyone who knew Tommy’s surprise he stepped up and raised me. We did lose each other five years after the outbreak when I was ten but Uncle Joel kept me safe and taught me how to survive in this crazy world. He didn’t want to bring me with him and Tess when having to smuggle Ellie but I snuck along and now I’ve very happy I did. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have found Dad again or found a family in everyone here in Jackson. 

Ellie’s pushing two glasses into my hands and I’m following her to the table Dina and Jesse have migrated to. I sit down between Jesse and Dina, Ellie having pulled her chair between the exes with a wink in my direction, while Dina takes what I’m guessing is her drink from my grasp with a soft smile. A surprisingly smooth hand lands on my thigh, thumb beginning to rub comforting circles there and I take a swig of my drink. Ah, rum and coke. Ellie knows me so well. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath, letting the sounds of everyone around me having fun and letting lose relax the tension in my shoulders before I’m opening my eyes again. There’s an anxious feeling in the back of my mind but I can’t grasp what it’s for or if it’s for anything as Jesse’s acting like we’re still best friends and the three of them aren’t acting any different. 

“I’ve gotta get up early so I should be heading off,” Jesse breaks the story Dina and Ellie were telling us, having not actually heard any of it, “Let me walk you home?”

“S-sure.” I can’t help but blush at the look the girls give me as I chug the rest of my drink and climb to feet, saying our goodbyes to the two before I’m following Jesse out. It’s absolutely fucking freezing outside and my dumbass didn’t bring a jacket so I try to act casual as I wrap my arms around myself trying to conserve as much body heat as possible. Beside me Jesse just chuffs fondly and a warm jacket is being place over my shoulders. He doesn’t say anything when I glance at him but there’s a knowing smile in his plump lips as his hand seeks mine. I don’t know why my heart is racing when Jesse is always touching me but this… it feels different, like there’s been a barely noticeable shift. 

“Y/N.” My name sounds like plea when we stop outside mine and he’s tugging me to face him. He’s wearing the same look as earlier before we… He’s ducking down. Sparks fly when his lips connect with mine. They’re warm and welcoming, parting slightly to test new ground and his tongue ghosts over the seam of my lips. My backs against my door and our bodies pressed together, breathing heavily as if this was the most natural thing in the world. It’s as if I can taste our shared breath, feel the thud of our combined heartbeats as we fumble to open the door, practically falling through it. 

“Jesse,” I step away, body immediately yearning to have his firm one pressed against me again, “We can’t… I-“ 

He’s walking towards me and I’m walking backwards until my hips hit the table and he’s crowding me. There’s space between our bodies as one of his hands comes up to cup my cheek while the other rests on the table by my hip, “For someone so smart you really are dumb.” He chuckles lowly, resting his forehead against mine and letting his eyes slip shut as if he’s internally fighting something, “Dina was never the one for me. She…” He sighs, “She was a distraction from who I truly wanted.” 

“W-who did you want?” My voice comes out shaky and barely above a whisper, flicking my eyes up to meet those bright ones as I want to hear him say it before I can believe it. He doesn’t say it but instead captures my lips into a softer kiss that has me pulling his body flush against mine, “I need you to say it.” 

“You,” His strong hands grip under my thighs before I’m suddenly sat on the table with Jesse fitting perfectly between my legs, “It was always you.” 

“I don’t want to rush this. I’m not-“ 

“We’ll take it as slow as you want. As much or as little as you want.” He promises and I’m wrapping my legs around his waist. He laughs sweetly before kissing me again. I never want to stop kissing him, still surprised by this turn of events, but I don’t… I don’t want more than to make out with him yet. I want this to be slow and not rushed like most people have done since it’s ‘the end of the world’. I want it to be special and I think Jesse gets that because he’s pulling away again, trailing sweet kisses down my neck. 

“Jesse,” I love saying his name, especially the way he reacts to it, “You’ve got patrol.” 

“Yeah,” he runs a hand through his hair, before rubbing the back of his neck and trying to step away but my legs are still tightly wrapped around his waist. I don’t want him to go, not yet anyway, “Should I stay?” 

“Please.” I nod, feeling all shy and nervous as if this isn’t my best friend. Nothing’s going to change between us except the fact we can kiss each other whenever we like but it’s as if our friendship was destined to flow into a relationship it’s just we were too blind too see it. 

Jesse pulls me from the table and to the bedroom, knowing exactly where everything is as he’s been around enough times. Some of his own things are around the house, along with Ellie and Dina’s things. My house is always the one we go to because it’s so cosy and everyone knows my doors always open for them. The three of them have a drawer in our room full of their clothes and they have spare backpack in my wardrobe just in case they crash here. It means I don’t even bat an eyelid when Jesse goes over to his drawer, pulling out a shirt but my breath does hitch a little when he hold it out for me. Such a small and simple act meaning so much to me and he knows it. 

I turn away from him, quickly kicking off my jeans and boots, pulling my shirt over my head and sliding my bra off. His eyes are piercing through my back as he tries to keep his head turned away as I pull his shirt over my head but he obviously struggles with that. His shirt reaches just above my knees with how tall he is and it’s perfect, smelling heavenly and just like Jesse. 

He doesn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around my waist and pull me flush against his chest as if we haven’t cuddled before. Jesse is always the one I go to if I have a nightmare, I don’t know how he does it but when those well defined arms wrap me up I feel as if nothing in the world could ever touch me. Maybe, I’ve liked Jesse back all this time but it’s been pushed away by my subconscious because he’s my best friend and Ellie was always able to rid me of the nightmares too. I never took the time to tell the difference between my bond with Jesse and with Ellie to tell that there was something more behind Jesse’s actions. 

“I can hear you thinking,” delicate lips brush over the back of my neck, pulling me back to now where Jesse has wrapped his long frame around the back of mine in a spooning cuddle. It makes me wrap Jesse’s other hand that isn’t on my waist around me and I’m covering both his hands with mine knowing I’m safe and I can go to sleep without a worry in the world because Jesse’s there. 

I’m woken by the body stirring behind me, a soft groan leaving his lips as he rolls onto his back and he’s mumbling a sleep filled, “Good morning baby.” 

“GET THE FUCK UP! PATROL STARTS IN TEN!” Ellie’s yelling through the front door, banging her fists against the door to make sure we’re awake and Jesse’s jumping up. He has to talk to Maria before patrol so he knows what to tell his team, being one of the leaders. I just watch as he scrambles about for clothes as he slept in just his boxers. He’s dressed in minutes and I’m climbing out of bed, dressing myself as he runs to the living room and pulls on his boots. His eyes are wide and panicked as he hates to disappoint Maria and I think there’s an added fear now as Tommy and Maria saw us kissing last night which means they probably saw us leave together too. 

“Get going, I’ll bring you pack of things, Maria’s waiting.” I squeeze his arm reassuringly and he nods, heading for the door. He hesitates then comes back, kissing me breathless before he’s swinging the door open and Ellie’s telling him to hurry up. I watch the pair disappear around the corner before going back to finish getting dressed and grabbing one of the spare packs from my wardrobe. It’s already filled with supplies like water and variations of dried foods so all I really have to add is a thermos of hot coffee with extra milk for Jesse and some perishables from my fridge that I know he’ll love. 

The walk from mine to the gates, past the stables is refusing, the cold wind doing a really fucking good job at waking me up fully. Everyones there when I approach, Jesse giving his usual speech, “You all know the drill. Run your routes. Mark your log books. Clear any infected you see. You run into anything you can't handle, you come back. Be smart about it.” He catches my gaze as I make my way over, giving Ellie’s horse - Shimmer - a pat before handing Jesse his pack. He smiles sweetly at me as I take Indiana’s reins from Chase - the stable boy - so Jesse can mount. What I don’t expect is for Jesse to grab my face and press a kiss to my slightly parted lips before he gets on with grace and ease. 

“Come back to me alive.” I squeeze his leg tightly before stepping back as the others gallop off to do their patrol rounds while Jesse lingers a moment longer, sending me a reassuring smile and a hope for more.

“I promise.”

[gayestblogthesite]

I just want Ellie to be dragged into Jackson’s kid’s holidays but specifically Father’s Day so one day a kid tells her they’re gonna go hunting for both meat but also to use the hide for Father’s Day projects and Ellie is of course confused but determined so she gets the best deer to bring back with the other kids and the local tanner helps them learn how to get a hide ready and also maybe use a butcher to help them make jerky with all the hunts they caught cause jerky is a very dadly thing to eat and lasts longer, and Ellie doesn’t know what to make (I would have made my dad a wallet but money isn’t necessary in communes lmao, but what she makes him isn’t the important part here but I feel like the kids would love this project) probably a belt or even an under garment for both warmth and so he’s unlikely to ever get so painfully stabbed again, something like that, not so big but something she worked on.

So one day Tommy and Joel are sitting in the living room on Father’s Day, mostly because Maria told them to, cooing at the baby in their bassinet, both of them aching because the baby got the same skin tone as Sarah, but loving it anyways, when Maria comes back with Ellie in toe, who instantly hands Joel a SUPREMELY ugly Father’s Day card (with bad puns all over obviously it’s important to their love language) and a small wrapped box with the leather she worked with and shyly but determinedly climbs into his lap so she can hide her face in his neck and know that no matter what he thinks, he lets himself hold her and give her love, and so she doesn’t have to see if she accidentally brings up something bad for him, but Joel is just happy Maria disappeared off to the kitchen so Tommy was the only one seeing him start to cry and he hasn’t even opened the gift or read the bad puns yet lord help him his baby girl is the best baby girl.

Frankly. Tommy is starting to choke up too lmao these bitches emotional. Also jealous, he wants Ellie cuddles too. He’s trying to be the bestest uncle ever now they’re back for good, but he hasn’t gotten Ellie cuddles yet. That looks so sweet.

Either way, Joel loves whatever she gives him, and neither him or Tommy mention Joel would be crying just as much if she handed him an angry toad as long as she climbed into his lap like that, what a sweetheart. Dumb bitches.

Tommy deserves Ellie cuddles too, but that’s gonna happen with less trauma bonding and more like taming a feral kitty.

[kiwixlime]

Close to Your Chest

T is for Temptation

You deserve to give into temptation. 

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader 

Warnings: Fluff, flirting, teasing, smut, unprotected p-in-v, soft!Joel turned jealous!Joel, angst, ambiguous ending. I'm sorry if this is rushed, I just felt bad keeping it hostage in my drafts for so long. So I didn't edit as much as I should have lol.

Joel Miller is the most beautiful man you’ve ever met. Looking at him, you wouldn’t know that he’s actually gentle and kind with a warm heart and caring stares. He looks menacing up close, but you’ve had the honor and privilege to work side by side with him. And you know the truth. 

Behind the rugged exterior, he’s soft and sweet with a voice like warm honey, soothing all your worries away. Well, with you, anyway. You’ve seen his darker side before, but he doesn’t bring that out around you anymore. He tries not to. He treats you like a princess, like you are the most precious thing in this world. And, oh, it makes you swoon. 

Others have noticed your little dance with Joel. Those that know him, think it’s cute. The ones who fear him, however, think it’s crude of him to use you, thinking he’s selfish. But what they don’t know is that nothing has ever happened between the two of you. Not yet. He’s respectful, careful of whatever boundaries you have in place. And you are the same with him. 

You know Joel’s been hurt in the past. You know he’s lost a lot and no matter how much time passes, that pain is still tender. Therefore, you don’t put any pressure on him or yourself. Something is blooming between you two, but you’re taking your time, nurturing it, and letting it grow.

Ellie’s annoyed at this game. She hates that Joel won’t make a move. And she’s furious with you for letting him get away with doing nothing. You’ve told her it takes time and that you’re happy just to be friends with him. She calls bullshit, though. 

But you don’t mind. You enjoy his company. He’s always taking you for outings, knowing how much you love to be outside the walls. Sometimes, when he’s out with Ellie, he’ll get sidetracked looking for the perfect little spot to take you on a picnic. Ellie pretends to be disgusted, mocking him for being such a teddy bear with you. But deep down, she thinks it’s cute that he cares so much to do these little things for you. 

“So where are you taking her this evening?” Ellie asks with a smug grin as she and Joel walk around town. He’s due for patrol in an hour or so and the girl won’t stop pestering him about his date. It’s the sundown shift, and he’s already thinking about showing you the sunset from the outpost with the spectacular view. 

Joel chuckles, gently nudging the young girl in the shoulder. “It ain’t a date,” he drawls, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck. “She’s just joining me on patrol tonight.” 

Ellie rolls her eyes. “I know I’m young, but I’m not stupid,” she sighs. “When are you going to tell her how much you like her? It’s exhausting watching the two of you sometimes.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, kiddo,” Joel says with a small smile. Deep down, he knows she’s right. He really should just be upfront with his feelings. But no matter how old he gets, dealing with these emotions never gets easier. A grown man having a crush. It’s just silly. 

“You know her horse is out of commission, right?” Ellie snorts, wiggling her eyebrows at the old man. “Poor Sapphire is still healing. You gonna let her ride with you?” 

Joel bites back a smile, impressed by Ellie’s persistence. He loves that she’s become quite the cheerleader for the two of you. It’s important to him that she’s comfortable with you, and with his relationship (or lack thereof) with you. First and foremost, her feelings matter. She’s still his daughter-figure after all. 

“I will do what is necessary,” Joel clears his throat, stopping in his tracks as they approach the square. Ellie bumps into him, scrunching up her nose and rubbing her face in annoyance. She looks past Joel in the direction of where he’s staring, smiling when she sees you standing outside of the bar next to a group of your friends. 

“Aw,” Ellie chuckles, stepping ahead of him. “How cute! You’re blushing.” 

“I am not,” Joel grumbles, pushing her gently out of the way. “Go away.” 

“Wow, rude!” Ellie huffs but leaves his side to go find Cat. Speaking of crushes… "Let me know how the date goes, old man!" She giggles as she bounces off in a different direction. 

He watches her leave, frowning at her comments. "It's not a date," he mumbles to himself before drawing his gaze back to you. 

You look pretty this evening. You always look pretty. But right now, as the golden sun begins to settle, you look like an angel wrapped in a champagne glow from the warm rays above. Joel has to catch his breath before approaching you, as you literally always find ways to leave him speechless. 

If he wasn’t so comfortable around you, he’d be nervous to approach you in front of your friends. Hell, he’d be nervous to approach you in public at all. Luckily for him, you’re always welcoming and excited to see him. So he doesn’t hesitate walking towards you, mentally laughing at the way the girls around you squirm. 

As he gets closer, you turn around, smiling brightly as he closes the distance between you. Behind you, your friends whisper. But you pay them no mind. You don’t care what they have to say, sure that it’s some smart remark about the older man. All you can focus on is Joel’s handsome face and the long strides he takes to get to you. 

“Good evenin’,” he says with a grin, doing his best to ignore the snickers that come from behind you. It’s easy to do when he looks at you, lost in your glittering eyes and welcoming smile. Everything else just fades to black. “You about ready to head out?” He asks. 

“Of course!” You chirp with excitement, your stomach twisting into knots. “I’m really looking forward to working with you tonight. I’ve never been out that far before… You’ll keep me safe, right?” You feel your cheeks bloom with warmth as the words leave your lips. Maybe that last bit was unnecessary. But you’ve flirted with him before. It’s no big deal. 

“Of course, I will,” he smiles and it’s affectionate, sweet enough to melt your heart. He notices the flush on your face, admitting to himself that he wants to make you glow like that more often. Despite ignoring Ellie’s playfulness earlier, he does have a plan brewing in his mind. One he hopes you’ll be comfortable with. One that might make you swoon again. “You, uh,” he begins with a stutter. “Will you be okay with sharin’ a horse with me?” 

“Oh,” you frown as you think about poor Sapphire recovering from her injuries of the last patrol. At least she’s okay, just needs some healing time. And, okay, you’re a little thrilled to be riding with Joel, being that close to him. “It’s not a problem at all!” You beam. 

“Great!” He says a little too excitedly, but you find it charming. He’s so cute when he’s flustered. “Do you need to wrap anything up here? If not, we can head out early. Maybe we’ll have time to catch the sunset.” 

“That sounds amazing,” you muse as butterflies swarm your stomach. “Just let me say bye to my friends and I’ll meet you at the gate?” 

“See ya there, darlin’,” he says, then waves to your childish friends. “Ladies, a pleasure as always.” 

The giggles erupt behind you and you roll your eyes at their naivety. “Will you guys behave?” You ask, glaring at them. “You’re so immature.” 

“We are not!” One of them chuckles, hand to her chest. “How are you not a mess? He’s so intimidating!” 

“And handsome,” another adds, making you sneer. 

“Yes,” they all nod in agreement. 

You huff, knowing there’s no getting through to them. And it would simply be a waste of breath to try. “I’m leaving now,” you insist, totally ignoring their teasing. “Try to stay out of trouble, will ya?” 

“You try,” your friends giggle. “You’re the one going out with a hot man. A romantic ride at sunset? Please.” 

“Oh my god, goodbye!” You shout, leaving them behind as you quickly make your way to the front gate. They mean well, but they’re so annoying. And whether they know it or not, they’re fucking with your head. 

You’ve been anticipating this patrol with Joel for a while now. And like always, you’ve managed to build it up in your head way too much. The comments of your friends, the teasing, it’s all making you queasy. But you can’t back out. This is what you’ve been waiting for. More one-on-one time. 

Usually, your outings are short and sweet. This is the first time you’ll be heading a ways out from camp and you feel safe that it’s with Joel. But you’re also anxious. Anything could happen on this little adventure, right? Being truly alone together… Maybe you’ll find the confidence you’ve been searching for. 

A chill breezes through the air, making you tug your light jacket closer to your frame. For a second, you consider heading back to your place to grab something heavier, knowing that as the sun continues to go down, the temperature will drop. But you decide against it in case Joel’s already waiting for you at the gate. You really don’t want to keep him waiting any longer. 

So you wrap your arms around yourself, keeping your body heat close. When you arrive at the entrance, your insides begin to warm as well. The man who has a firm grasp on your heart stands there, a genuine smile on his face as he speaks to one of the female guards. It’s almost funny how he seems to make all the ladies in town go weak, you included. But he’s such a gentleman. And he’s never pursued anyone. Not really. 

You approach the pair, letting out a soft cough to announce your presence. Joel recognizes your voice easily, his attention shifting to you in an instant. The pretty smile he wears grows wider as you get closer and the female guard respectfully steps back, giving you two space and opening the gates alongside her partner. 

Joel extends his hand, pulling you forward to help you up onto the horse. “Why, thank you, sir,” you chuckle, trying to hide the giddiness in your voice. He beams up at you before joining you. 

“Don’t be afraid to hold on tight,” he says, referring to the way your trembling hands rest at your sides. “I know it’s not the most comfortable, but it’ll have to do for now.” You nod silently, body tensing as he situates himself into a steadier position. 

Letting out a shaky gasp, you wrap your arms around his middle, breathing in the scent of wood carvings and pine needles. The essence eases your jumbling nerves and you feel yourself relaxing against him. You’ve been close to Joel, of course, you have, but this intimate. This is the comfort you’ve been craving. 

What you don’t know is that Joel feels the same way. The moment your arms stretched around him, his stomach flipped. The warmth of you surrounding him is pleasant, a feeling he could get used to. 

As he signals for the gates to part, you sigh and wonder if he can feel your heartbeat against his back. You can certainly feel it taking over the rest of your body, worried it might actually beat out of its cage. But you can’t help the way it reacts to Joel’s presence, or his scent, or his warmth. 

“Ready, darlin’?” He questions, tilting his head back. You smile and nod, firmly holding onto him. He ignores the lump in his throat and confidently heads out, waving goodbye to the crew around you. 

For the most part, you ride in mostly silence. Every once in a while Joel will whistle a tune or point out the wildlife that hides behind the trees. It’s nice, peaceful, and you find contentment in resting your head against his back, just listening to him hum or talk.  

After the first checkpoint, as you and Joel ride along the stream of the creek, he starts talking about the moment he realized how important Ellie was to him. You’ve heard the brief story from both of them, but they’ve never gone into detail. But as Joel tells you about this guy named David and everything Ellie had to endure, you see a whole new side to him. He tells you he’s made some mistakes, he’s done things he wished he could take back, but you can hear in his words, feel it in the way his muscles tense - he truly loves that girl. And it makes you fall even harder for him. 

“You have a great relationship with her,” you say quietly, respecting the serenity of the moment. “She respects you, I can tell.” 

“Yeah,” he frowns, momentarily flipping through his memories. There’s so much he would change. But it’s too late for that. “She’s a good kid,” he sighs. 

His tone changes, but you decide it’s best to not push and instead take in your surroundings. You notice you’re a bit off course as you can no longer see, or hear, the babbling of the creek anymore and instead see a clearing just beyond the trees. You don’t question the direction, just go along trusting Joel. He knows what he’s doing. 

When the horse comes to a stop, you look over Joel’s shoulder and let out a gasp followed by you quickly dismounting from the animal. He chuckles at your excitement, following your actions by jumping down from the horse and guiding her along behind you. Just ahead is a slight cliff for you to look out from, and the view in front of you is breathtaking. 

You can see all of Jackson from this little spot, and watch how the sun sets behind the walls and through the clouds. The lights from the town twinkle on as it livens up for the night, parting with the day. Everything around it looks delicate, like a painting, and you’re so thankful Joel brought you here. 

Sometimes you forget that this world still has beauty in it. You’ve seen firsthand what humans can do to each other. You’ve witnessed enough carnage and bloodshed to last you a lifetime. But this right here. This picturesque dreamy view strikes something within you that you feared died a long time ago. 

At that moment, your eyes flick over to Joel. He’s staring, taking in the scenery as you were. And you can’t help but examine him, the way his lips slowly tug into a smile, or the flecks of gold swimming in his eyes sets your heart ablaze. 

He lets out a content sigh and turns to look at you, shocked when he finds you already staring at him. You look away quickly, hiding the blush that threatens to give you away. The urge to reach out and touch is strong. It’s practically all he can think about. And this moment is perfect. Oh, what the hell?

You jump when you feel Joel’s hand reach for yours, but you relax as your fingers lace together. He tugs you closer, forcing you to look at him even though your cheeks are burning. It’s okay. His are, too. You can see the pink dusting his face and you think this is it. This is the moment your relationship changes. 

“Sweetheart,” is all Joel can get out before you’re both on high alert. From the branches, there’s a deep growl that causes you to tear your hand from Joel’s and find the source. Just behind where you stand together, a stray infected comes stumbling out through the leaves. Its dead eyes set on you, lunging at your paralyzed body. On instinct, you reach for your weapon, shaky hands barely grasping the handle of your blade. Joel pushes you out of the way quickly, plunging his knife through the creature’s decaying skull before it can touch you. 

You’re breathing hard as you fall back against the rocks, hand over your beating heart. Joel is panicking, retracting his knife from the now dead body before rushing over to tend to you. Your nerves are shot at this point. 

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” He asks as he holds your face in his hands. You nod, but his face still holds concern, touching your cheeks, your neck, and your arms for any signs of injury. 

“I’m o-okay,” you whimper, pushing yourself into a stronger stance. “Just shaken up,” you admit. 

“Fuck,” he laments as the fear pumps through his veins. He’s still scared, thinking about what might have happened if he was a fraction of a second too late. 

He kisses you. It’s harsh, and nearly knocks you off your feet, but it’s tender. His lips mold to yours perfectly and you lose yourself in the adrenaline, kissing him back with just as much force. Your head spins with shock and wonder, you almost miss the words he speaks against your lips. 

“Let me take you home,” he pleads and you kiss him in response. 

Your back is flush against Joel’s mattress. He’s hovering over you, kissing your lips soft and slow unlike before. You’ve finally given in to temptation. And you have to say, as his hands pin yours to the bed with such strength, you have no regrets. His fingers lace with yours, holding you tight afraid he might lose you even though you’re safe in his sheets. But his mind keeps flashing back to that moment outside. The moment he almost lost you. 

It’s like you can feel his worries against his lips. So you kiss him back with overwhelming emotion, whimpering softly into his mouth, moaning when his tongue meets yours. It’s a warm and passionate kiss that shoots shivers up your spine. It’s been a long time since your body has felt this loved and you’re coming undone quickly. 

Joel moves from your lips and kisses down your cheek, to your neck, nuzzling his face into the warmth of your body. His breath is hot as his lips graze your soft skin, goosebumps forming in his wake. And his beard tickles you, making you laugh lightly. You were never attracted to guys with facial hair until you met him.  

“Joel,” you whisper his name through faint breaths. His head spins at your noises, loving the way his name falls from your pretty lips. He has to kiss you again, squeezing your hands tightly in his, capturing your bottom lip between his teeth before swallowing your delicate moans. 

He grunts as you wiggle beneath him, an erotic sound you’ve never heard before. Eager to move things along, you free your hands from his and slide your trembling arms over his bare shoulders. The weight of his body increases on top of you as you gently scratch your nails over his skin. 

“Baby,” he groans at the feeling of you digging your nails into him. It’s hot, especially coming from you. He kisses you harder, dragging his fingers down the front of your stomach, making you shiver. He smiles against your lips as he feels your belly twitch under his touch. “So perfect,” he whispers. 

Arching your back, you let out the prettiest sound he’s ever heard, spreading your legs, inviting him in. Your noises are all the encouragement he needs to slip a finger into you. You almost shy away at the intrusion. Not having been touched by a man in some time has made you nervous. But this is Joel and you trust him. And he’s sweet, kissing your nose to comfort you. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he assures you, gingerly dragging his finger up your slit. “You’re doing so good for me, baby. Just relax. Let me make you feel good.” The way his deep voice fills your ears makes you shudder with want. He dips his finger past your folds, curling it inside of you to pull out an adorable squeak from your throat. “Good girl,” he praises. 

“M-more,” you stutter, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Please, Joel,” you nod. He smiles down at you. You don’t ever have to beg for him. He will give you everything you ask for. As his lips find yours again, he slides a second finger into you, stretching you nice and slow, preparing your tight heat for him. 

Your mind goes foggy, drunk off the feeling of Joel’s fingers filling you up. He’s pumping them in and out of you, a sensation you’ve only ever dreamed of. But right now, it’s real. It’s happening. He’s brushing his slender digits against your walls, pressing against spots you didn’t even know made you moan like that. He kisses wherever he can, dragging his teeth down your neck and then biting at your chest, sucking pretty purple bruises into your flesh, and reveling in your melodic sounds. 

God, you want him. You need him. Wiggling beneath him, you signal to him that he can continue, craving more of his touch, craving him inside of you. He’s so perfect. Everything about him turns you on. Your hands begin to wander and glide across his chest. Your fingers touch the scars that litter his body, softly tracing over each bump. 

He falters for a moment, fingers slipping from your wet pussy as his mind short circuits. He’s not used to such soft touches. Looking at you, something inside of him cracks, joyful feelings leaking into him. All this time, you’re the one he’s been searching for. He’s certain of that now. 

“Joel, I need you,” you whimper, gliding your hands up to his shoulders. “Please. I need to feel you inside of me.” 

“Fuck, baby,” he groans, wrapping his fingers around his hard cock. He pumps himself a few times, and you watch with lust-filled eyes, mouth watering at the sight. When he’s ready, he looks at you, searching for any hesitation. When he finds none, he slides into you, moaning immediately as your heat surrounds him. 

“Oh, god, Joel,” you mewl, lifting your hips up to meet his. His thick cock inches into you slowly, taking his time to make sure you feel safe, comfortable. A burning heat surges through your bloodstream. You’re not sure if it’s the intense emotions in your heart or the feeling of him inside of you, but being this close to him ignites your soul. You’ve truly never felt like this before. 

Joel thrusts into you. And the way his body moves against yours is sinful. He fits you perfectly, and he knows exactly what to do to make you feel good. 

“God damn,” he murmurs in your ear, bracing himself on top of you. His head is lost in the clouds as he drinks in this moment. You smell like sugar and you taste even sweeter when he kisses you. He can’t get over how beautiful you are, how lovely you sound. Each gasp or touch from you goes straight to his heart. “That’s it, sweetheart. Take it just like that.” 

All of those emotions he feels have him increasing his speed, thrusting into you harder, deeper, and giving you everything he has. And you welcome it, pushing yourself against him, clawing at his back as he reaches those pleasurable spots inside of you, holding him close. 

You let out noises of pleasure, running your hand through his hair and tugging just to hear him groan. Your lips meet his in sloppy kisses as you greedily clench your slick walls around his cock. “Faster, Joel,” you breathe. 

You think back to the last person you were with. Each time with him was nice, good. And you hate to compare. But with Joel, you feel alive for the first time. Being with him feels so right. You haven’t felt this safe, this cherished since before you came to Jackson. 

It’s not fair, but your mind briefly drifts to Noah, the man you loved before Joel. You never thought you’d find that kind of passion again, but Joel is everything. Joel is more. You’re falling for him. Hard. 

“Feel so good, baby,” Joel hums, breaking you from the thoughts of your past life and bringing you back to the present with him. His hands grip you by the waist, pinning you to the bed as he pushes into you. Your eyes meet his and it’s such an intimate moment, you feel your climax rising. “So fuckin’ good,” he utters again. “I love being inside of you.” 

Your eyes roll back at his admission, your legs wrapping around him and drawing him closer. His deep voice soothes your aches and touches on those lewd desires that swarm your insides. “Make me feel so good, Joel,” you whimper. “Fuck, I’m close already,” you whine in frustration. 

“It’s okay,” he coos, picking up speed. “I’m close, too.” He smiles at you and your heart swells. “I’ve wanted this for so long, sweetheart,” he admits. “We have all the time in the world. Go ahead, cum for me, baby. Please, cum for me.” 

His words, his tone, it’s all enough to invoke those lustful needs, drawing you to the edge. Joel reaches between your sweaty bodies, moving his lips to your neck as he rubs his fingers over your swollen clit. Your toes curl, and your eyes screw shut. Your breathing turns into pants and you cum, moaning Joel’s name and writhing under his firm body. 

Watching you unravel because of him sets him off. He pulls out of you with a hiss, positioning himself over your stomach. Your hand takes over his, pumping his dick quickly until he’s shooting his seed across your skin. 

He collapses next to you, trying to catch his breath. You laugh and roll over, laying your head against his chest. “That was quick,” you say with a giggle. 

He makes a sound of offense but joins in on your laughter. “We’ll just have to build our stamina, yeah?” 

You nod, unable to wipe the smile off your face. “All the time in the world, right?” 

Months pass by and you and Joel are happier than ever. After that night with him, you’ve become inseparable. It’s sickly sweet to everyone around you. But… you love him. And he loves you. 

For once, life is actually good. No, better than good. Almost perfect. 

And Ellie is thrilled. When you broke the news to her, she couldn’t stop yelling (with joy, of course). She kept telling you it was about time and how proud she was of Joel for finally acknowledging his feelings. And she welcomed you into their little family. You belong. 

Today is a day when Tommy and Maria are hosting a town meeting. You were informed sometime last week that some newcomers had made it to town. And they spent the last few days being examined and vetted. Today was going to be the introduction for those who had decided to stay. 

You were anxious for new people to arrive, but only because you were intrigued. Your relationship with Joel is solid. You know nothing and no one can come between you. But new faces around time always leave a sour feeling in your stomach. 

As you sit next to Joel, you can’t help that your leg bounces in anticipation. He squeezes your hand and gives your knuckles a kiss to tell you it’s okay. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he says to you. “I doubt we’ll even spend much time with these people. Jackson is getting bigger. And I would never let anyone hurt you.” 

“I know,” you grin, kissing his cheek. “But still…” 

Tommy gets up from his seat and ushers in a new group of faces and you and Joel decide to pay attention. Joel’s somewhat of a leader himself. And since everyone knows you’re dating him now, they associate you with leadership, too. You know you’ll have to learn the names of these newbies at least. 

The group is small as they make their way through the crowds, introducing themselves to the other residents. It’s kind of like a mixer of sorts, which is weird, but nice at the same time. You know how difficult it can be to meet new people. This will help the newcomers fit in. And as you scan their faces, you think it won’t be so bad. 

That is until you spot a tall man rushing in, smiling awkwardly for being late. Your stomach drops as you recognize his face. Time slows and you find yourself letting go of Joel’s hand to stand up and walk across the room, taking baby steps. 

“Noah,” you whisper, eyes wide and mortified. All this time you thought he was dead. 

Joel walks up next to you, tilting his head in confusion as he watches you gawk at this mystery man. He puts a hand on your shoulder, but you can’t feel it. You can only stare in shock. 

To your horror, Noah heard you, and he turns, his smile beaming when he sees you. He looks just as awestruck as you feel. But there’s genuine joy in his eyes as he takes you in. 

“Is that my angel?” He gushes with excitement, running towards you, ignoring the curious looks of everyone else. You don’t know what to do as he charges at you.  

In seconds, he throws his arms around you, hugging you tightly. You’re stunned, unable to process. Your body is stiff as your brain tries to piece together the events that have happened in the last few minutes. Fuck, you’re going to faint. 

And you’re not the only one stunned to silence. Joel stands by, silently seething as he observes what’s happening in front of him. You’ve mentioned this man before. Noah, as in, your ex. The one who was supposed to be dead. The one you grieved for when you first arrived in Jackson. 

“Oh, angel,” Noah says, cupping your face in his hands. Your stomach shifts the nickname. No one’s called you that in so long. You can’t decide if it’s nice to hear or if it makes you sick. 

“I thought…” You say, still shocked. You can’t do this right now. You can’t speak. Words won’t work. 

“I made it out,” he laughs, answering your question. “I looked for you everywhere. Oh, fuck, angel. I never stopped looking. I knew you were alive. I just knew it!” 

He moves in to kiss you, make up for lost time, but you turn your head, dodging his lips. And that’s when you see Joel. Your heart sinks at the hurt on his face. You want to reach out and touch him, let him know it’s okay. But you can’t move. 

Noah steps back and frowns at your actions. He knows it’s been a while, but he’s been waiting for this moment forever. You aren’t even looking at him. So he follows your gaze to the man next to you. He looks between you and Joel with confusion. You feel yourself get queasy. 

Maybe you shouldn't have given in to temptation. 

Masterlist

Joel Miller Taglist: @swtaura - @chxpsi - @extraneous-trip - @cerebellam - @tiredbeebo - @kirsteng42 - @trickstersp8 - @detectivebarba

(Want to be removed/changed your url? Let me know!)

I find these graphics @firefly-graphics

[retroellie]

can u do an imagine/headcanon of nsfw jealous ellie being protective and stuff like that ;) thank you!! i love ur writing btw 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

summary: Ellie gets jealous 

A/N: Thank you for the request<3 sorry this took so long and it’s very short, i’ve just been super busy. I need some ellie in my life rn. Thank you for enjoying my writing, i know it’s not the best but it makes me happy knowing some people enjoy it :)

Warnings: NSFW, use of strap on, Mommy kink

Word count: 771

-Jealous Ellie is so hot but such a pain in the ass

- She won’t ever tell you she’s jealous, she’ll just side eye you and get real quiet

-In her head she’s thinking about all the things she’s gonna do to you when you guys get home

-Maybe y’all are doing group rounds with another group, a set of guys let’s say

-One of the guys gets real close to you, making you laugh and touching your arm like he’s flirting with you

-Ellie just stays behind y’all, watching as you two get too close for her liking

-She knows you would never, I mean based on what she does to you in bed and how you react; she would say your never gonna leave her

-She just gets so jealous, especially around boys

-She knows your gay but she’s really insecure okay, she do be sensitive

- She won’t say anything to you while she’s jealous, she’ll just let out dry responses

-She uses this as a perfect time to tease you though

-She’ll roll up her sleeves showing her tattoo, her reach up to things so it’ll show off her stomach, or she’ll get herself all blooded

-She basically wants you to be drooling by the time you get back to Jackson

-you will attempt to get her alone with you but she just teased you more

-“Me and Ellie can take the bathrooms.”

-“No you and Jesse can. I can take the bedrooms.”

-When you get back to Jackson you guys are all over each other

-Shes angry and irritated but that doesn’t stop her from asking if your okay with it and even checking up on your every one in a while

-She quite literally fucks you into the mattress, like literally

-She definitely uses the strap when she’s jealous just to give you the most pleasure you can get

-Shes rough with you. She will throw you around, smack your ass roughly and even choke you harder than she usually would

-Because shes so rough she’ll have a safe word available for you to use, probably something like Guitar or Astronaut

-She will try to overstimulate you, fucking you till your worn down

-“Imagine what that boy would think if he saw you like this, if he knew how much of a slut you were for me.”

-I feel like jealous sex is how she finds out she had a mommy/daddy kink (which ever one your comfortable with<3 it doesn’t matter)

-“Fuck...mommy...”

-She gets so much power from that, Idc this woman has a mommy kink

-“Say it again baby, come on Don't get all shy now.”

- She will flop you over on your stomach and fuck you so roughly you really gotta hold on to the sheets for dear life

-She will dig her nails into your hips so hard it’ll leave scars and it only adds to the pleasure your feeling

-She knows when your about to cum, your legs start to shake and your moans get louder

-She will start kissing your neck and rubbing between your thighs, just to send you over the edge

-Your moans get so loud she has to cover your mouth, afraid joel might hear

-“Ellie... I’m cumming.” You say into her hand

-She thrust harder, fucking your until your basically a puddle in your arms

-Your orgasm hits you and it hits you hard, you scream into her hand

-By the end of it, your basically a rag doll. Your vision is blurry and your body it sore

-While coming down from your high you can heard ellie shuffle behind you

-You almost fall sleep until Ellie’s hands go around your waist and pull your underneath the blankets

-You cuddle underneath them, watching as she tries to clean up your mess

-Shes wearing a clean white shirt and some underwear, the indents from the strap on her flushed skin

-“Your jealous...”

-What? No I’m not.”

-“you so are! You fucked me because a boy talked to me.” You joked

-She bit her lip before jumping on top of you, attacking you with kisses

-“No! I just don’t like when boys get all flirty with you.”

-“Why!? You think I’m going to leave you.”

-She brushes some hair from out of your face, pecking your lips softly

-“Maybe... your hot, you know. You could have any person.”

-“Yeah, but don’t worry your winning. I have yet to find a person who fucks me better than you do.” You joke

-“Yeah, like any guy can fuck you like I do.”

-

-

-

(Credits to gif owner)

[piracytheorist]

I watched and react to Lindsay Ellis' 100 minute long "apology" video so you don't have to

First of all, the word apology is in quotes because she herself on that video mocks the whole concept of an apology video, which is fair cause truly that whole concept is fucked up, but I didn't want to call it excusing either because that's not what she does either... for some parts. Long post ahead.

So into the video, homegirl starts by saying she was recently in a restaurant. Recently. Restaurant. I'm not gonna make a deep research to find out where she lives, she mentions she's from Tennessee but idk if that's where she lives now, so unless she's somewhere in like Australia or New Zealand or any other place with significantly low numbers of covid cases... what is she doing, not only going into a restaurant during a fucking pandemic, but also telling it to her entire 1 million subscribers specifically and the whole world in general? I think it shouldn't be said it's irresponsible as it is, it's also a bit insensitive considering so many of us don't get to have that kind of luxury as it is now, either as customers that don't get to enjoy an evening/night out or as restaurant owners that watch their businesses collapse. Small thing to complain, but still.

That said, personal note, because I know some of my followers live down there in Australia or New Zealand; I'm happy for you, but I'm also jealous, and in a weird way right now being in a country with few covid cases is kind of a privilege. So enjoy that for yourselves.

Ok, second, introducing the concept of cancel culture, she goes on to talk about some cases where two white people made some well-intended but overall insensitive jokes and she talked about how their behaviour was, particularly, white privilege. Ignoring the fact that she's showing her own privilege by saying that she went at a restaurant during a pandemic, she says it all in the whole meaning of how cancel culture focuses on targeting, bullying and verbally lynching a person who acted on their privilege instead of looking out to tell them "Yo what you did was shitty but look out to do better" and how that either originates or is strengthened by nazis who pretend to be cool progressive lesbians of colour on twitter (that latter part is my own description, but similar to what Lindsay said). And the whole point about cancel culture is valid - she the use of the ol' "Listen to voices of POC" and that it is not valid because behind those "Queer progressive POC" accounts hide nazis... but she ignores the fact that another way to see that is "Are you white? Have you considered shutting the fuck up?"

And I say that as a white woman myself. I am very well aware that there are topics I cannot touch upon. Like, I have my thoughts, ok? About all races, religions (at least the major ones), sexualities, gender expressions. I can't help the thoughts... but I try my best to control my actions. There are times that I think something and I go like "Wow, can you realize how much the internet would drag you if you said that on a post?" so I shut the fuck up because a) I recognize my privilege and b) I'm mostly uneducated on most things I may have problematic thoughts on. Lindsay... idk exactly how educated she is, I know she has degrees, but in this case that doesn't seem to matter because she doesn't seem to have the concept of Shutting the Fuck Up White Person. That's what the "Listen to voices of POC" started for. Because historically POC have been the ones to be silenced and ignored by white people. So it doesn't matter if you're a woman, if you're bisexual, if you're educated, whatever whatever. If it's not your area, learn to shut the fuck up. And it's there that the problem begins, that Lindsay doesn't seem to get that idea.

Later on she says that a person on twitter compiled a thread of Lindsay's "sins" aka screenshots of problematic (or not) tweets, and though she (tbh rightfully so) considers making that compilation weird and creepy, she goes on to address every tweet on that thread.

I'm not gonna go down all of them cause from my judgement, some were legitimately very far-fetched to make her look problematic. And look, I don't think she's problematic. It's just that she has a lot to say and sometimes it feels like she has a need to say it all.

At the beginning, she mentions that twitter is garbage. Which, agreed, I've hateposted about that hellsite tons of times. But she's been knew it was. She had people bully her about her tweets before, and she kept at it, white person speaking, and like at some point you're like... is it fucking worth it? You know twitter is garbage. Is the clout you'll make on it worth it? You know people will judge you. You know they will take your sayings out of context. You know there are people obsessively following your page just to spot the tiniest piece of stuff you didn't think three hours on before posting so that they can crucify you over it. You been knew, we been knew. So I'm asking again, is it fucking worth it?

She even said it wasn't the first time she was cancelled, it's just that this last time has been the biggest one (... yet). So... why are people fucking obsessed with that fucking site? I'm a former bully victim, I detest and oppose bullying of any kind, but after a point, when you see a minefield, you gotta know that if you go skipping around without a second thought... ya gonna get hit. I may understand some people staying on twitter out of spite and/or in the hopes of "fixing" it... but again that's kinda hopeless and we all know that. There’s a saying in Greek that translates to “No matter how sugar you pour on it, shit won’t turn into lokum.” And that’s exactly what twitter is. Shit that people try to make functioning. It won’t.

I know the Shut The Fuck Up may be a bit excessive but... we all have opinions, yeah? It's a bit frustrating too considering she makes long videos that clearly have a lot of thought put into them, and then she goes on twitter and posts whatever the fuck comes up in her mind like... you should know better. In a way, Shutting The Fuck Up is also a way to avoid being seen as a bigot when you're not. Let oppressed groups do the talking for you, 'kay?

On another "receipt" she admits she was wrong, quote: "It was insensitive and careless. I definitely should not have said that." At the same time she says that she was influenced by her environment, and she also doesn't actually apologize. In a way she's sincere because a good sociopath would have searched and found that a good apology includes the words "I'm sorry" or some variation, and not trying to explain yourself by the circumstances surrounding you. So, it's sincere, but it feels a bit void. No-one cares what brought you to do this, we only care to see if you’ve changed from that.

I'm also putting the word receipt in quotes because I just think the whole concept of "receipts" is fucking weird, and as I said, some of them are completely pointless and taken out of context to make Lindsay look like the next Hitler. But I don't have another word for it so I'll go with that.

The next "receipt" is about her tweeting about the film The Prince of Egypt and mentioning the scene of killing the Egyptian first-borns, and being accused for anti-semitism because of it. First of all, your problem there ain't the film, it's the Bible, a work that was created by people who thought that a woman is a man's property, and then later on translated and modified by people with similar or worse problematic ideologies. The Prince of Egypt is a film that is inspired by the book of Exodus but at the same time... it doesn't fully excuse the plagues. They're portrayed as a necessarily evil, but whether that bothers you or not depends on whatever your relationship is to God and the fact that he allows covid to be a thing right now. But on the video, Lindsay talks about the portrayal of the plagues and how they're excused so that the Jewish people can be free.

But... it feels a bit... maybe she hasn't watched the full film in some time, and considering she doesn't really like it, I understand why she's making the mistakes on thinking it does. Yes, the film shows the plagues as a necessary evil. But the whole song The Plagues is about Moses being torn in two about the whole thing. "And even now I wish that God had chose another. Serving as your foe on his behalf is the last thing that I wanted." When he warns Rameses about the last plague, the "camera" shows the depiction of the previous massacre of the Jewish children... and Rameses' son is at the bottom of the children being dropped in the water.

It not only foreshadows the boy's death, it also compares the two massacres. It's like "Your father did that to the Jewish people, so the God of the Jewish people will do the same to your people." The scene where the Egyptian first-borns are being killed is haunting. It's dark, without music, eerie... you're not supposed to be happy about it. So I don't see how all that's excusing. In a way, to a people that at the time was enslaved and even now still faces discrimination, it could feel like vengeance. There's a big talk about morals that can be done there but again; WE'RE WHITE. We should consider shutting the fuck up. At least on our own, if talked about with someone who’s part of Jewish culture, that’s another thing.

Lindsay also says that in the film it looks weird that from the moment we see Rameses lamenting the loss of his son, the film cuts to the Jewish people singing about Miracles. And like... again I guess she hasn't seen the movie in some time, cause that's plain out wrong. At the time Moses sees that the son is dead, he already looks depressed. When he hears the cries of the people crying for their children, he breaks down and cries too. When the Jewish people walk out and sing for not being slaves anymore, that's when he starts smiling a little, and more when they're finally out of Rameses' kingdom. And again, it's about the liberation of an enslaved people whose culture we're not presently a part of. Like, the death of the Egyptian children was a bad thing - in retaliation of the same thing happening to the Jewish babies - but whether it’s being excused or not has context behind it.

I'm also talking a lot about it because she mentions she likes the film Noah from 2014, and she shows a small clip from the flood scene where the people on the Ark are depressed (that's not the right word but I can't find it right now) because they witness the deaths of the people who weren't on. I haven't seen the film, so I don't know how much that impacts the survivors later, but she's completely ignoring the fact that The Prince of Egypt also frames the death of the first-borns as tragic and that also Moses breaks down over it.

On my own opinion; I'm agnostic and anarchist af so while I also disagree with the depictions and the actions that God took to free the Jewish people... it's a fucking fantastic film. Animation, voice acting, music, directing... But at the same time, I've watched a bit of her videos and I may be a bit sarcastic here but I don't trust the taste of anyone who watches Treasure Planet and only refers to it as "Disney's space pirate flop" instead of the underrated masterpiece that it is. But I'm also mentioning it not-so-sarcastically, because underappreciated as it is (because Disney deliberately made it flop by the way), Treasure Planet has not had a widely massive impact. Speaking as someone who adores Treasure Planet, it has had a huge impact... to those few who've watched it. So while I meh'ed at her calling Treasure Planet what she did, it was just that; a meh.

But The Prince of Egypt? It has had an impact on ME, an agnostic anarchist. I cannot even begin to imagine what impact it has had on the millions of Jewish people worldwide. So when someone who has studied Media (or whatever, I'm not gonna search through the "Lindsay Ellis is cancelled" results on gοοgle just to see what she has studied), and decides to make a... while a bit understandable, not so well-studied critique on a film with that kind of impact... Have you considered Shutting the Fuck Up? She says that on twitter, she got responses on said tweet where people talked about how important that film is to them. Is that what she needed, to learn about this film's impact? For her to not know that... it's a bit hard to accidentally be that blind about that aspect, especially with her studies.

It's once again difficult territory to wade through - and she deliberately placed herself in it. And as I said, her problem is with the Bible. Not with the film.

So... yeah. I don't think it was anti-semitism on her part, but definitely not a good, well-thought move to make.

Next is her talking about the time she wore a niqab in a non offensive (I guess) way on an old video. She mentions she addressed it on a stream where they laughed about how... cringe-y of the time the whole concept of the video was. And again, the "Not thinking before acting" as well as White Privilege comes out, both in the video and in the way she presents the circumstances behind it. What inspired her to do it doesn't fucking matter. What matters is that she didn't think. Though she says she regrets it, she seems she only does so because she got responses from Muslim followers that told her "Please don't do that." Again, the fact that she needed someone else to say it... that's uninformed. And honestly, when you have such a following, you have a responsibility to know better. Money from patreon and youtube ads carry that. She does say she regrets it though.

Next, is her being called out for her "Dear Stephenie Meyer" video. In it basically she talks about how a lot of the earlier hate for Twilight was because of the fact that society hates teen girls and hates what they like and consider it inferior, and since a lot of teen girls like Twilight, the society had to hate Twilight. At the end of the video, she even said "I'm sorry" towards Meyer. That's a very quick summary and she had some good points, but this is Stephenie Meyer we’re talking about.

Oof. There's a LOT to unpack here.

For those of you who don't know, Twilight as a whole franchise has a ton of issues with racism, particularly against indigenous people and the very real, existing Quileute tribe. Lindsay says that at the time she made that video (2018), the backlash on Meyer was not so much about said racism. And boy, that's plain out wrong. She just didn't do enough research for it. And again, it's not deliberate. I'm not accusing Lindsay of racism. But Twilight was problematic (and even I as a semi-follower of the Twilight Rennaisance, as well as most of the fellow fans I've seen, admit that openly and we hate Meyer for it), and as I had watched that video, I know she did research on it. I find it outright impossible that a search for "Twilight criticism" wouldn't turn up some mentions about the Quileute racism, especially in 2018 with the fandom’s resurgence. There's an entire page from the Burke Museum in Seattle talking about the misconceptions of the tribe in the books and how little benefit the tribe has seen from having their culture appropriated by a white woman. Saying that it wasn't a common criticism is either a poorly put lie or an open confession that she didn't search much. Maybe she only searched about Stephenie Meyer and misogyny. I don't know.

Look, it is true that at the time of late 2000′s, the criticism was what Lindsay said; all about hating teen girls. I'm sure that there was criticism on the racism, but it was either less promoted or was trumped by the former type. But ignoring it completely, when at the time she made that video the criticism on racism was already getting more and more recognition... just why, Lindsay?

So again, I don't think it's deliberate. But it's poor pre-thought, poor work on it, and again when you have such a big following (and while Lindsay keeps saying how she's not that much famous on youtube, when you have a million subscribers and ten thousand patrons... ya ain't unheard of either) you have a responsibility to know better and research better before you do anything on it. Youtube is Lindsay's job, and she doesn't do a very good job at it when it comes to recognizing her white privilege and working beyond it.

Then she says that she talked with some indigenous (she doesn't mention they're Quileute btw) people about it; some said they hated the depiction, some said they liked that they were represented. Although why you would like to be represented by Jacob in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, I have no fucking clue. In any case, it feels like because there were indigenous (no mention of Quileute talking with her, again) people who were okay with the inclusion, she felt that it was okay to make the whole Meyer apologia video without a single mention to the racism fact.

She also showed a video of a Quileute woman talking about how after Twilight, they were able to get back land that was taken from them. Given back by Obama, by the way. And... including this clip feels like... an excuse. Saying that Twilight, despite being racist, was somehow okay because it brought attention to the real Quileute tribe, and I hope y'all see why that is messed up. Meyer could have handled the issue better, and included the characters with much more respect and given them credit and some idk money from the millions she made appropriating their culture (though Lindsay mentions that last thing), but Lindsay thought that apologizing to Meyer anyway for being against her due to internalized misogyny in the late 2000's was the right move. It is true that at the late 2000's little of the known criticism was about the racism, but it's still a big fucking problem and purposefully ignoring that to apologize to Meyer... not a good look.

Again, blind due to white privilege, and acting without trying to see the whole picture. She says that Meyer, a white, rich, Mormon woman does not deserve the harassment she got, and again I'm against bullying but like... Meyer fucking sucks, and we ought to at least recognize that. She's not the one who deserves an apology - the Twilight fans *cough*me!me!me!*cough* who just wanted to enjoy the books and films (horrible as they were) in peace are.

By the way, the Quileute tribe has a fundraiser so that they can move their land to a higher ground where they won't be affected by tsunamis (and to her credit, Lindsay mentioned it and shared the link, but she said that another youtuber brought that to her attention, and again, where's the fucking research, Lindsay, pretty much every Twilight Renaissance post I've seen about the anti-indigenous attitude mentions that fundraiser and you're telling me it didn't come up in your searches) so if you can donate you definitely should: mthg.org

I mention around how Lindsay doesn't say "I'm sorry", and while as most people, I'd rather have no apology that a performative apology, it feels a little icky, that while she recognizes some of her screw-ups... I'm not sure if she recognizes that said screw-ups that-veer-towards-but-are-not-exactly-or-intentionally racism, ableism, anti-semitism, and transphobia... that shit is the shit twitter nazis thrive off of - and not to cancel people, but to build their own bigotry and take the attention away from actual hate crimes happening. And as a youtuber with a million subscribers and ten thousand patreon supporters, again, she should recognize her privileges a little more. Am I blaming her for nazis using her poorly thought tweets? Should she be super duper careful and spend a lot of time on her tweets to make sure nothing remotely problematic is on them?

... I mean, why the fuck do y’all think I hate twitter?

Next, she mentions being called out for "saying" that "trans-men are less oppressed than cis women" which she says is not what she said, but instead that "she's spoken to trans men who told her that they experience less misogyny after coming out". She even openly mentions it as "anecdotal" in her original tweet. And while I get that, my question is.... what's your fucking business about it? You're cis, shut the fuck up, let trans people talk about it.

Like, fuck. We haven't reached a time where acceptance of LGBTQ+ people, especially trans people, is at such a high that cis people by themselves can openly discuss about the experiences of trans people. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Just show your support for trans people, let them do the talk about their lives and experiences, and share their content if you want your followers to know about trans experiences. If trans men experience less misogyny after coming out (and like, I understand why that would happen in some cases), that's not your area to gather twitter clout from. Think before you tweet.

~

TW: suicide mention, skip to after the ~ symbols if you want to avoid.

Next one is not problematic, it's just proof that Lindsay has no filter on twitter... which is probably the core of all the issues on this post. So condensing the whole thing; a Zack Snyder fan said "I don't like when people say that Zack Snyder hates his mother". A film critic was discussing with Lindsay about Snyder fans, and Lindsay, having never seen any Snyder fan actually say what the fan above said, responded in an obviously sarcastic way "I have it on good authority that Zack Snyder hates his mother." The next day, Zack Snyder's daughter killed herself, and twitter flooded to hate on Lindsay. Of course by the video, Lindsay seems to be upset by the whole thing and how bad the timing was for the post she made - and it is irrational to blame her on that. But! Zack Snyder's mother died in 2010, btw, from what I saw, and like... I think that some discussions around celebrities should be kept private, and this specific conversation between Lindsay and the film critic should have been private. Again, not problematic, but seems to show how Lindsay doesn't think before tweeting.

~

~

Next, she admits she was wrong about defending yellowface on the film Cloud Atlas and saying that it wasn't as bad as blackface. "My bad", no "I'm sorry". Again I don't know if an apology is what I "wanted", after all I'm also a privileged white woman, but idk some recognition that stuff like what she said are what twitter nazis thrive off of would have been nice. Because again, the good intention is there, especially by acknowledging how bad blackface is.

Anyway, some final thoughts, no I don't think she's problematic, or racist, or transphobic, or anything the twitter nazis like to label her as. I just think she's bad at tweeting (like many many people including yours truly, twitter sucks we've established that), and that as a youtuber with such an audience, she should understand her privileges a little more. Though she said she’ll step off from twitter and only use it to promote her books and other creators, so she did learn something from that.

As I said, we all have problematic thoughts. We all think of stuff that, if given a bit more thought, we’ll go like “why the fuck am I like this”. Our actions, on the other hand, is something fully on our control. And twitter thrives on people not putting too much thought on their actions, and letting their quick thoughts control them.

In conclusion, know your privilege, fuck twitter, and STAY THE FUCK AT HOME (except for you, Aussies and Kiwis, go all out - literally)

[thewnchstrs]

Crossroad Blues

Pairing: Winchester!Sister(OC)

Summary: When two highly successful professionals die after claiming to be haunted by hellhounds, Sam, Dean and Ellie investigate a local bar. Meanwhile, Ellie uncovers more about her past and Dean faces a harsh truth.

Disclaimers: fluff, drinking, hangovers, mentions of suicide, ANGST, mentions of death, near-death, unwanted advances?, starts happy but it doesn’t last very long i’m so sorry

Word Count: 9.3K

S E R I E S  M A S T E R L I S T

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The sound of low singing was what made me stir fitfully in my sleep, but it was Dean’s loud, off-pitch tone that made me grab the motel pillow and shove it over my face, instantly muffling their singing.

“Aw, c’mon, you can’t be a bad sport on your birthday,” Dean pried as he snatched the pillow. I peeked an eye open where Sam and Dean were next to the bed, a small cupcake balancing in Sam’s hand with a single lit candle. I suppressed a smile as they continued finishing the song.

“Make a wish, El,” Sam smiled, sitting on the edge of the mattress. I slowly pulled myself up, pushing my unruly hair out of my eyes before closing them and then blowing the candle out.

I smiled as Sam handed me the cupcake, “Thanks, you guys.”

“Alright, lets get the party started early, shall we?” Dean said excitedly as he plopped a brown grocery bag onto the bedside table, the unmistakable sound of glasses rattling together inside.

“Dean, it’s-” Sam paused, reaching for the digital clock, “eight in the morning-”

“Hey,” Dean reprimanded, “kid only turns 21 once, right?”

I laughed as I watched him pull out the numerous bottles of alcohol, placing them onto the nightstand, his smile growing wider and wider.

“Dean, this is great and all, but how did you pay for all this?” I questioned, glancing at the full bottles of liquor.

“Doesn’t matter,” he dismissed quickly. “Look, since we’re on the FBI’s watchlist, we can’t really celebrate out at a bar, so, I figured I’d bring the bar to you.”

I smiled beside myself, “Thank you. I mean, my liver’s gonna hate you, but…thanks.”

Sam and Dean smiled softly. Sam and I watched as Dean reached for one of the bottles of tequila when Sam stopped him, “Just…wait until after she’s eaten something, alright?”

Dean rolled his eyes, tightening the cap back on, “Alright, then we party.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The diner we were sitting in was bustling with people, and, for the first time since leaving Maryland, I finally felt like we weren’t being watched from every angle.

“So much for our low profile,” Sam huffed from behind his laptop screen. Dean and I glanced up at him from our plates in front of us. “You've got a warrant in St. Louis, and now you're officially in the Fed's database.”

I groaned, the fleeting moment of feeling safe even for a few hours was now out the window. I cut around my food, shaking my head at the screen Sam turned toward us.

Dean, however, didn’t seem as concerned as we did. He smirked, taking a drink from his coffee, “Dude, I'm like Dillinger or something.”

“Dean, it's not funny,” I mumbled around the piece of waffle I shoved into my mouth, Sam grimacing as I pointed my fork in the direction of his laptop. “You just made our job a million time harder. Now we’ve gotta be more careful.”

“Well, what do they got on you two?” He asked.

Sam settled back behind his laptop, shifting his gaze away from Dean, “I'm sure they just haven't posted it yet.”

I glanced up at Sam, “Nothing?”

Dean chuckled, “No accessory? Anything?”

“Shut up,” Sam muttered under his breath.

Dean laughed, looking to Sam and I, “You're jealous.”

“No, I'm not!” Sam shot back.

“Uh-huh. All right,” Dean smirked, dangling his coffee cup between his fingers. “What do you got on the case there, you innocent, harmless young man, you?”

Sam rolled his eyes as he read from a local newspaper, “Architect Sean Boyden plummeted to his death from the roof of his home, a condominium he designed.”

“Hmm. Build a high-rise and jump off the top of it. That's classy- hey, slow down, kid, you’ll make yourself sick,” Dean reprimanded, and my jaw instantly stilled. Dean looked back to Sam, nodding him on. “When did he call animal control?”

“Two days earlier.”

“Did he actually say Black Dog?” I questioned, sitting back in against the booth.

Sam nodded, “Yeah. A vicious, wild, black dog. The authorities couldn't find it, no one else saw it; in fact, the authorities are a little confused as to how a wild dog could get past the doorman, take the elevator up and start roaming the halls of the cushiest joint in town. After that, no more calls, he doesn't show up for work, two days later he takes a swan dive.”

I frowned, thinking about it, “Do you think we're dealing with an actual Black Dog?”

“Well, maybe.”

“What's the lore on it?”

Sam handed Dean and I each a small stack of papers as he spoke, “It's all pretty vague. I mean, there are spectral black dogs all over the world, but...some say they're animal spirits, others say death omens. But anyways, whatever they are, they're big, nasty.”

“Yeah, I bet they could hump the crap outta your leg, look at that one, huh?” Dean smirked, turning around one of the pictures. I wrinkled my nose at him. “What? They could.”

I handed Sam back the papers, “Alright, so, where do we start?”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Dean said, glancing at me. “C’mon, it’s your birthday! We don’t have to get started on the case just yet, do we?”

I looked from Dean and then over to Sam who shrugged, smiling, “The case can wait a day.”

“A day off?” I questioned, eyeing them to see if they were playing a joke on me. “You’re serious?”

“Why not,” Dean said. “Besides, you’re gonna need the rest of the day to prepare yourself if you’re gonna keep up with my drinking.”

I cocked an eyebrow at what sounded like a competition, “Oh, you are so on.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Cheers, k’ddo,” Dean slurred, clumsily clinking his shot glass with mine. I smirked as we tapped the glasses against the motel tabletop before downing the shots of tequila. I winced slightly, shaking my limbs as the alcohol travelled down my throat.

“I’m proud of ya. Lasted longer than Sss-ammy,” Dean drawled. I glanced across the room that seemed like it was tilting back and forth. Like a nice boat ride. A giggle rose up in my throat when I looked toward Sam who was already passed on the end of his bed, half of his body hanging over the edge. I couldn’t help the laughter that poured from my mouth, Dean and I laughing together, tears springing into our eyes.

I let out a deep breath, my hand resting on my stomach. The image of Dean pouring me another shot swam in front of me in waves. I held my heavy hand up, waving the alcohol away before it plunked back down on the table, knocking over a few empty bottles. “No…no way…” I hiccupped. “No more.”

“C’mon, one more for good luck,” he pressed, sloshing the alcohol over the rim of the glass as he pushed it toward me.

I looked down into the shot glass that somehow made its way into my hands. I threw the drink back, letting the glass fall out of my grasp. I rest my forehead against the palm of my hand. I felt like I was twisting over and over through space.

Then, an image crossed my mind. I giggled, pulling my eyes open as I looked over at Dean who looked like he was upside down on the ceiling, “’member when dad snuck us into that theme park?”

Dean only grunted, his head on his arm.

I giggled again, “And we rode e’ery ride and you…you threw up all over that girl?”

Laughter bubbled through me again, falling back against my chair. I gripped the edge of the table when I almost fell to the floor.

As my laughter began to subside, my fingertips danced over the rim of my toppled glass, “I miss dad.” Dean didn’t look at me. He was probably sleeping so I lowered my voice. “I miss dad.”

“Me too,” Dean mumbled as he sat up slowly. There were two of him now. My eyes flitted between the two Deans. “E’eryday.”

I suppressed another hiccup, breathing slowly through my nose, “I fought with him…right before he died.” I winced at the words, never having said them out loud before.

“I know.”

“I hope…I hope he forgives me,” I slurred, reaching for the bottle and taking another drink.

“After wha’ dad told me ‘bout S’mmy…I don’t think I’ll ever forgi- forgive him.”

I narrowed my drunken eyes at his words, “Wha’ he tell you?”

Dean looked at me as if he wished he could take back what he said. I watched the two Deans take the bottle from my hands and took another drink, “Nothin’ never mind.”

“No,” I said harshly, swaying slightly. “No, Dean…no more- no more s’crets, m’kay?”

“You can’t tell S’mmy,” he whispered, looking over to our brother. I nodded, the room tipping sideways. I steadied myself against the table, gripping it tightly. “He said…he said there’s people like him. Special people, El.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, “S’mmy is very special.”

“But, he said- he said,” Dean leaned in closer, whispering the words so quietly I strained to hear him. “I have to save S’mmy, and if I can’t save S’mmy, I…” He stopped, his face falling. He was close enough now that there was only one Dean.

My eyes strained to focus on his despite the swirling room around us, “Wha’ Dean?”

Dean’s next words made me recoil, suddenly feeling more sober than I had in hours. Dean seemed to sober up slightly too as he sat back, looking at me through glossy eyes.

“That’s not funny, Dean,” I breathed out. “You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t say stuff like that.”

When he didn’t say another word, I continued to stare at him. I blinked twice heavily, my eyes going from Dean and then to Sammy on the bed.

“Why?” I whispered. This time, it wasn’t laughter that filled me, it was fear. “Why would dad tell you-”

“I dunno,” he said finally, shaking his head. “But you can’t tell S’mmy.”

I nodded slowly, fear now gripping my insides, “’m scared, Dean.”

His movements were in slow motion as he drank some more, his eyes glued to Sam who turned softly over the covers. “Me too.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sound of a door slamming rattled me awake, the empty bottles littering the table clinked together like tiny explosions. I groaned, grasping at the back of my head, gripping my hair in my fists.

“Rise and shine!” Dean called as he rolled into the room, a plastic bag in each hand.

“Shhh,” I hushed, not daring to open my eyes to the sunlight I could already see behind my eyelids. “Don’t scream.”

Dean chuckled, placing the two bags on the table in front of me. I peeled my eyelids back, slowly pushing myself into a sitting position where I was still in my chair at the table. My stomach flip-flopped at the sight of what Dean pulled from the bags.

He opened each Styrofoam container, setting the greasy breakfast food on the table. I slammed mine shut, groaning at the smell and image, “I’m gonna puke.”

Dean laughed, handing me a fork and a bottle of water, “Dig in.”

I snatched the fork, throwing it onto the table before downing some of the water. I glanced around the room before looking puzzled over to Dean, “Where’s Sam?”

Dean settled behind his breakfast, pointing his fork toward the bathroom door, “You might wanna find another one because that one-” Dean whistled, “that one’s nasty.”

I glanced over my shoulder toward the door and then back to Dean who seemed to be acting as if last night never happened. I wracked my memory, trying to piece together if what Dean said really was true or if I’d imagined it.

“Dean,” I said, making him look up from his food. I suppressed the waves of nausea that rolled through me as the smell hit my nose. “What you said last night…was it true?”

He ignored me, reopening the food container in front of me, “Eat.”

“Dean, we can’t act like what you told me was nothing,” I whispered to him, leaning over the table.

“I shouldn’t have told you,” he said, finally becoming serious. “I should never have put that on you.”

“And keep something like that from me? From Sam?”

“We’re not telling Sam,” he said quickly. I furrowed my eyebrows. “Not until we figure out why. I can’t-”

Dean clenched his jaw, tearing his eyes away from mine. I watched Dean, who for so long was someone who was never torn apart by anything. However, these past few years made him look like he was spit out of a meat grinder. I nodded slowly, giving in, “Okay. We won’t tell him.”

As if on cue, the bathroom door opened, Sam stumbling out. I quickly sat up, the sudden movements making me tighten a hand over my head and stomach.

“How you feelin’?” Dean smirked, lingering pain was still etched over his face as he looked at Sam, who I’m sure was too hungover to notice.

“How are you still vertical?” Sam shot at Dean as he slowly sat at the end of the bed.

“Because someone’s gotta take care of you two,” he said, tossing Sam a bottle of water he missed by a mile, the bottle crashing against the bedside table.

I groaned from the noise, letting my head rest against the table again as Sam muttered an apology before going on about the case we were here for, “I say we go check out the guy’s friends, see what they have to say.”

The thought of standing from my chair and then having to ride in the Impala in an itchy suit made my stomach flip. I held a finger up to him, instantly silencing his words.

“You okay, El?” Sam asked. I didn’t dare open my mouth to speak. I hummed, shaking my head.

Dean laughed, reopening my food container and pushing it slowly toward me, “Better eat up, El. Let all that nasty grease-”

“Screw you,” I groaned again, bile rising in my esophagus. I nearly sprinted to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Alexei Ivanov is a large man who, even in the middle of his kitchen that’s the size of most motel rooms we stayed in, took up a lot of space. He leaned against the counter; his arms crossed over his chest. I pushed the sunglasses from over my eyes and onto my head, wincing at the bright sunlight that filled the kitchen. I couldn’t help but examine his home – the tall windows that reflected off of the furniture inside. Everything was white: the couches, the walls, the coffee table, the rugs, even the little knick knacks on the shelves built into the wall were white. It was a little disturbing.

“So, you and Sean Boyden were business partners for almost ten years, right?” Sam asked Alexei, pulling my attention back to the case we were there to discuss.

“That's right,” Alexei nodded. “Now one more time, this is for...?”

“A tribute to Mr. Boyden. Architectural Digest,” Dean reminded. The proclamation made Alexei scoff, shaking his head as the corners of his mouth turned upward in a bitter smile. Dean shot a look to Sam and I, confused at his odd behavior before looking back to Alexei. “This funny to you?”

“No, it...it's just…a tribute,” he said, the words coming out like they tasted bad on his tongue. “Yeah. See, Sean always got the tributes. He kills himself, leaves me and his family behind...” Alexei waved a hand in front of him as if dismissing the thought. “Well, he gets another tribute.”

“Right,” I said, confused. “Any idea why he'd do such a thing?”

“I-I have no clue, I mean, he lived a charmed life.”

“How so?”

“He was a flat-out genius. I mean, I'm capable, but next to him...” Alexei trailed off as he thought about his friend. “And it wasn't always that way, either.”

Sam raised his eyebrows at this, “No?”

He shook his head, shifting against the countertop, “You wanna know the truth? There was a time where he couldn't even design a pup tent. Hell, ten years ago he's working as a bartender at this place called Lloyds. A complete dive.”

Dean squinted, “Right. So what changed?”

“You got me. But overnight, he gets this huge commission, and he starts designing...he starts designing the most ingenious buildings anyone has ever seen. It was like, the level of Van Gogh, and Mozart...” Alexei paused at his words, averting his eyes from ours.

Sam, Dean and I had a silent conversation, “What?”

“It's funny,” he said, but he wasn’t laughing. “True geniuses, they seem to die young, don't they? To have that kind of talent? Why...why just throw it away?”

I watched Alexei carefully, tapping my fingertips against the marble countertops. Through his obvious jealousy he felt toward Sean, he made an interesting point. If Sean really was living the dream life Alexei described, what would motivate someone like that to take a swan dive off the side of a building?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sam and I watched from the Impala as Dean came from the Animal Protection Agency, pulling the driver’s door open as he slid inside, “Secretary's name is Carly. She's twenty three, she, uh, kayaks, and they're real.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “You didn't happen to ask her if she's seen any black dogs lately, did you?”

Dean held up a file full of reports, “Every complaint called in this week about anything big, black, or dog-like. There's nineteen calls in all.” He tore the sticky note off the file folder, furrowing his eyebrows. “And, uh, I don't know what this thing is.”

I plucked it from his fingers, reading it before laughing, “You mean Carly's MySpace address?”

“Yeah, MySpace, what the hell is that?” He asked as Sam and I continued laughing. “Seriously, is that like some sort of porn site?”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - This house was huge, too. I glanced up at it, the way it stretched from one side of the property to the other, “Jesus, these people are loaded.”

Dean shook his head at the sheer size of the place before knocking on the front door, “I swear, if this is another freakin' Pomeranian barking in the neighbor's yard.”

A short woman opened the door, giving us a friendly smile. Sam straightened his suit, showing his badge, Dean and I following suit, “Afternoon, ma'am. Uh, Animal Control.”

“Oh, someone already came yesterday.”

“We're just following up,” I said quickly. “We're looking for Dr. Sylvia Pearlman?”

The woman opened the door for us the rest of the way, inviting us into the house, “The doctor, well, she, I don't know exactly when she'll be back, she left two days ago.”

Sam nodded as she led us to the kitchen, “Okay. And you are...?”

“I'm Ms. Pearlman's maid.”

“So where did the doctor go?” Dean asked, glancing around the kitchen.

“I'm not sure. She just packed and went, she didn't say where,” she said, shaking her head before changing the subject. “That stray dog, did you find it finally?”

“Oh, not yet,” I said this time. “You know, you didn't ever happen to see the dog yourself, did you?”

She shook her head, “Well, no. I never even heard it. I was almost starting to think Sylvia was imagining things, but she's not like that, so...”

“Hey, you know I read she was, uh chief surgeon at the hospital,” Dean mentioned from where he was standing at the fridge, investigating the pictures of the doctor with her friends. “She's gotta be what, forty two, forty three? That's pretty young for that job.”

The maid nodded, “Youngest in the history of the place. She got the position...ten years ago?”

“Huh. An overnight success,” Sam said, glancing to Dean and I. “Ten years ago.”

“Yeah, we know a guy like that. Oh, look at this,” Dean said, pulling off one of the pictures from the fridge and flipped it around, showing Sam and I the scrawled writing on the back, “Lloyd's Bar.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Something about this case was bothering me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, or maybe I could, but I just couldn’t bring myself to realize just what it was. My emotions were a whirlpool, everything from this case to what Dean told me about Sam. How he’d have to...no, no I can’t even think it. I stared out my window at the passing open road, my mind wandering, but I never let it get to that place – the place that told me I knew exactly where this case was headed.

“You’re quiet,” Dean said as we drove down a long stretch of highway toward Lloyd’s. I shifted in my seat against the warm leather.

I took my bottom lip between my top teeth, anxiously chewing at the skin, “Just tired.”

Dean looked like he wanted to prod and if it hadn’t been for the small bar rising just ahead over the horizon, he would’ve. The car rolled to a stop in front of Lloyd’s, the gravel crunching under the tires. I hesitantly stepped out, noticing now how four separate roads diverged in a common middle, just feet from Lloyd’s. A crossroads.

We continued toward the bar until Dean called after Sam and me. We turned to Dean who was glancing around the same area, “Think someone planted these?” He gestured to the yellow flowers that were meticulously lined against the edges of the crossroads.

“Middle of all these weeds?” Sam nudged the flowers with his booted foot. “These are, uh, what do you call them-”

“Yarrow flowers,” I nodded, feeling a sickening lump beginning to form in my throat but I pushed the bad thoughts away again. I was just working myself up, that had to be it.

Sam nodded, “Yeah. Used for certain rituals, aren't they?”

“Yeah, actually,” I confirmed, looking back toward the middle of the crossroads. “Summoning rituals.”

Dean squinted against the sun that was slowly starting to set now, “So, two people become sudden successes about ten years ago. Right around the time they were hanging out here at Lloyd's.”

“Where there just happens to be a crossroads,” Sam finished. “You think?”

“Let's find out,” Dean said as he wandered the circle before stopping. “This seem about the dead center to you?”

Dean didn’t have to dig long to find the small, metal box buried under the gravel. The tip of the shovel colliding with something hard, “Yahtzee.”

He picked up the box, clicking it open. Inside were three bones along with a small vile of black dirt. I grabbed it, “I'd be willing to bet that's graveyard dirt. And a black cat bone.”

“That's serious spellwork,” Dean said. “I mean, that's Deep South Hoodoo stuff.”

“Used to summon a demon,” Sam said.

“Not just summon one. Crossroads are where pacts are made,” Dean said, his words making my heart sink to my stomach. “These people are actually making deals with the damn thing. You know, 'cause that always ends good.”

Sam nodded in agreement, “They're seeing dogs, all right. But not Black Dogs, they're seeing Hellhounds. Demonic pit bulls.”

“Yeah, whoever this demon is, it's back and it's collecting. And that doctor lady? Wherever she's running?” Dean paused, dropping the box back into the ground. “She ain't running fast enough.” “So it's just like the Robert Johnson legend, right? I mean, selling your soul at the crossroads, kind of deal?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, except that wasn't a legend. I mean, you know his music,” Dean said as he leaned up against the hood of the car. Sam and I frowned and Dean raised his eyebrows. “You don't know Robert Johnson's songs? You guys, there's, there's occult references all over his lyrics, I mean, Crossroad Blues? Me and the Devil Blues? Hellhound on My Trail? The story goes, he died choking on his own blood, he was hallucinating, and muttering about big, evil dogs.”

I clenched my jaw as I nodded, “And now it's happening all over again…we've gotta figure out if anyone else struck any bargains around here.”

“Great. So we've gotta clean up these peoples' mess for 'em?” Dean said bitterly. “I mean, they're not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced 'em to play Let's Make A Deal.”

I furrowed my brow at what he was saying, “So what, we should just leave them to die?”

“Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in and try to save 'em?”

“Dean.”

“All right. Fine. Rituals like this, you've got to put your own photo into the mix, right?” Dean held up a small picture he must’ve taken from the box. “So this guy probably summoned this thing, let's go and see if anyone inside knows him. If he's still alive.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - “What's this guy's name again?” I asked as we ascended the stairs of an old apartment building.

“George Darrow. Apparently quite the regular at Lloyd's,” Dean said, eyeing the rotting floorboards under our feet. “Though this house probably ain't up next on MTV Cribs, is it?”

Sam nodded along, “Yeah. So whatever kind of deal he made-”

“Wasn't for cash,” Dean finished as we rounded the staircase and through the first floor. “Oh, who knows. Maybe this place is full of babes in Princess Leia bikinis.” Dean smirked, holding his hands out in front of his chest before dropping his arms. “No, I'm just saying, this guys got one epic bill come due. Hope at least he asked for something fun.”

Room 4C was towards the back of the second floor. I raised my hand to knock on the wood when Sam stopped me, slapping my arm with the back of his hand. I looked to him in confusion where he was pointing to the floor, just under the door, “Look at that.”

We squatted down, examining a line of dark dust. Dean reached out, picking a small bit between his fingers, “What is that? Pepper?”

The door to the apartment swung open, the three of us quickly standing as the tenet stared us down angrily, “Who the hell are you?”

“George Darrow?”

“I'm not buying anything,” he said, going to close the door on us but Dean caught it before it shut completely.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, looks like you went for the wrong shaker there,” Dean chuckled, motioning to the floor. “Usually when you want to keep something evil out you go for the salt.”

Something in George shifted. I watched his subtle movements: the way his eyes averted from Dean’s and down to his tattered socks, the way his fingers tightened around the door ever so slightly, “I don't know what you’re talkin' about.”

“Talkin' about this,” Dean clarified, holding up George’s picture from the box at the crossroads, George’s face fell. He looked much different now than he did in that picture. I guess that happens when you spend ten years on the run from the inevitable. “Tell me. You seen that Hellhound yet?”

George looked as if he was going to slam the door in our faces, gripping the doorknob tighter. I stepped forward, holding out my hands nonthreateningly, “Look. We want to help. Please. Just five minutes.”

His eyes darted over us, sizing us up before hesitantly stepping back into his apartment, opening the door wider. We stepped inside, glancing around the packed living quarters. I eyed our surroundings, taking note of the shelves upon shelves of hunter inventory: jars of powders, skulls, rosaries, books on the supernatural. Among the chaos in the poorly lit room, I could make out the stacks of canvases that filled the rest of the room, each carefully painted in intricate detail. For the first time, I noticed George’s paint covered t-shirt and jeans.

“So, what is that stuff out front?” Dean asked about the powder under the door.

“Goofer dust,” he said as he poured himself a drink. Sam, Dean and I glanced at each other in confusion. George looked to us over his shoulder, taking a sip from his glass. “What, you kids think you know somethin' about somethin' but not Goofer dust?”

“Well, we know a little about a lot of things,” I said, catching a small, brown cloth bag of the dust George had tossed me before it could hit my chest. “Just enough to make us dangerous.” George shifted the glass to his other hand, giving me a small nod.

“What is it?” Sam questioned.

“Hoodoo. My grandma taught me. Keeps out demons.”

Dean laughed unamused, “Demons we know.”

“Well, then. Maybe it'll do you some good.” He walked around us, dropping his glass from between his fingers and lightly onto a side table next to a recliner before plopping himself down into it. He looked up at me, intertwining his fingers on his chest. “Four minutes left.”

I looked back to Sam and Dean before stepping toward George, “Mr. Darrow. We know you're in trouble.”

“Yeah, that you got yourself into,” Dean muttered, Sam and I shooting him a look.

Sam interjected quickly, “But it's not hopeless, alright? There's gotta be something we can do.”

“Listen. I get that you kids want to help. But sometimes a person makes their bed, they've just got to lie down in it. I'm the one called that demon in the first place.”

Dean squinted at him, “What'd you do it for?”

George glanced around the room at the canvases, his fingertips dancing over the edge of the glass next to him, “I was weak. I mean, who don't wanna be great? Who don't want their life to mean something? I just...I just never thought about the price.”

I watched the man in front of me, so young but already looking half dead, “Was it worth it?”

He cast his eyes downward into the glass that was now in his hands. He shook his head immediately, “Hell no. 'Course, I asked for talent. Shoulda gone for fame. I'm still broke, and lonely. Just now I got this pile of paintings don't nobody want…but that wasn't the worst.”

I raised my eyebrows, “Go on.”

George shook his head, “Demon didn't leave. I never counted on that. After our deal was done the damn thing stayed at Lloyd's for a week. Just chattin'. Makin' more deals. I tried to warn folks, but…I mean, who's goin' to listen to an old drunk?”

“How many others are there?”

“Uh, the architect, that doctor lady — I kept up with them, they've been in the papers. Least they got famous.”

Sam stepped forward, egging him on. This guy was our last shot at finding anyone else who could be biting it soon, “Who else, George? Come on, think.”

He squinted as he searched his memory, “One more. Uh, nice guy too. Hudson. Evan, I think. I don't know what he asked for. Don't matter now. We done for.”

I shook my head, “No. No, there's gotta be a way.”

“You don't get it! I don't want a way!” George nearly shouted, standing from his chair.

“Look, you don't-”

“I called that thing! I brought it on myself. I brought it on them.” The glass clambered to a wooden table in front of an easel with an unfinished piece, his shoulders sinking. His voice was reduced to a whisper now. “I'm going to hell, one way or another. All I want is to finish my last painting. Day or two, I'm done. I'm just trying to hold them off 'til then. Buy a little time.” He picked his head up, not looking at us as he picked up his tray of paints and a paintbrush. “Okay, kids. Time you went, go help somebody that wants help.”

I could tell he was quickly losing patience, but I couldn’t bring myself to walk out of his apartment without putting up a fight for the life this guy didn’t seem to have much regard for, “We can't just-”

“Get out!” George bellowed before quickly lowering his voice again. “I got work to do.”

I watched George, his still-young frame hovering over his art. I’ve seen death, seen lot of people who were well past their expiration dates. George didn’t look like one of those people. “You don't really want to die.”

“I don't?” He asked, turning to me, as if daring me to tell him otherwise. “I'm...I'm tired.”

I searched George’s dark eyes and, in this lighting, where the sunlight poured through the tall windows and over George’s face, I could see all the fine lines. Gray hairs snaked their way from his temples. Heavy bags were settled under his eyes, laugh lines like half-moons around his mouth that looked as if they hadn’t been flexed in a while. I wished there could be something I could say to make him change his mind, but as I watched him, I knew he’d made up his mind. I clenched my jaw, averting my gaze from George’s as we left him behind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Evan Hudson’s house wasn’t easy to miss. It towered over the houses between it and I instantly had an inkling he’d traded his soul for some cold hard cash.

Dean knocked twice on the tall front door when a thin man opened it, slightly disheveled, “Yes?”

“Evan Hudson?” Sam said, making the man nod hesitantly. “You ever been to a bar called Lloyd's? Would have been about ten years ago-”

Before Sam could get another word in, Evan slammed the door, the deadbolt clicking into place. Dean rolled his eyes, shouting to him, “Come on, we're not demons!”

I clenched my jaw, looking to Dean in annoyance at the plan I told him wouldn’t work, “Any other bright ideas?”

Dean shrugged before he stepped back and reared his foot into the door jam. The door flew inward, shards of splintered wood flying in each direction. We filed inside, quickly following Evan’s footfalls upstairs. Once at the top of the second floor we heard the door to our left click shut.

Dean stood on one side of the hallway, getting ready to kick this door in too when Sam quickly grabbed his leg, Dean shooting him a glare, “What-”

I shook my head at Dean as I easily pushed the unlocked door open, glancing around the large office, “Evan?”

Evan rounded the corner cautiously, his hands held out in front of him, “Please! Don't hurt me.”

“We're not going to hurt you, alright? We're here to help you,” Sam reassured.

“We know all about the genius deal you made,” Dean said.

Evan crinkled his brow, “What? How?”

I shook my head, “Doesn't matter. All that matters is, we're trying to stop it.”

He looked suspiciously at us, “How do I know you're not lying?”

“Well, you don't, but you're kinda running low on options there, buddy.”

“Can you stop it?” He asked, his hand coming to run over his mouth. Evan had to know what was coming for him. His hair stood at odd angles, his shirt was unbuttoned at the top, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Don't know. We'll try,” Sam said.

We watched as Evan began to pace slowly, bringing the flat of his hand to rest against his forehead, “I don't want to die.”

“Of course you don't, not now,” Dean said bitterly.

Sam looked over to him, shooting him a warning look, “Dean. Stop.”

Dean ignored him as he went on, taking a step closer to Evan, “What'd you ask for anyway, Evan? Huh? Never need Viagra? Bowl a perfect game? What?”

Evan turned, resting his hands on his desk, his head falling between his shoulders as he breathed out the words, “My wife.”

Dean scoffed as he shook his head, “Right. Gettin' the girl. Well, that's worth a trip to hell for.”

“Dean, stop,” I warned this time.

“No. He’s right,” Evan said, still not looking at us. “I made the deal. Nobody twisted my arm, that...woman, or whatever she was, at the bar? She said I could have anything I wanted. I thought she was nuts at first, but...I don't know how to— I was desperate.”

Sam cinched his eyebrows together, “Desperate?”

“Julie was dying.”

“You did it to save her,” I said. It wasn’t a question.

“She had cancer, they'd stopped treatment, they were moving her into hospice, they kept saying...a matter of days. So yeah, I made the deal,” Evan turned now, looking at us. “And I'd do it again. I'd have died for her on the spot.”

I replayed his words in my head, how he’d do it again in a heartbeat. It didn’t make sense to me. I clenched my fists, stepping toward him, “Did you ever think about her in all this?”

“I did this for her.”

“You sure about that? I think you did it for yourself. So you wouldn't have to live without her. But guess what?” I felt a tight grip on my lungs and throat. “She's going to have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost? What if she knew it cost your soul? How do you think she'd feel?”

Evan tore his eyes away from mine as Sam gently grabbed my arm, pulling me back toward the door, “Okay, that's enough. You just sit tight, all right? We're going to figure this out.”

Evan nodded as we let ourselves into the hallway. I ran my hands through my hair as I turned to them. Sam eyed me carefully, “You alright?”

I dodged the question as I pulled the Goofer dust from my jacket pocket, “I have an idea. You throw George's hoodoo at that Hellhound, keep it away from Evan as long as you can. I'm gonna go to the crossroads and summon the demon.”

“Summon— are you crazy?” Dean grabbed my jacket sleeve before I could get any farther, his eyebrows cinched.

“Maybe a little,” I chuckled, feigning confidence. “But I can trap it. I can exorcise it, and I can buy us time to figure out something more permanent.”

“Yeah, but how much time?”

“I don't know, a while. I mean, it's not easy for those suckers to claw their way back from hell and into the sunshine.”

“No,” Dean shook his head. "No way.”

“You're not allowed to say no, Dean, not unless you've got a better idea,” I shot back. We were running out of time.

“Ellie, you can forget it, alright? I'm not letting you summon that demon.”

“Well it sure as hell shouldn’t be you,” I said.

Dean scoffed, narrowing his eyes at me, “Why not?”

“Because I don't like where your head is at right now, that's why not!”

He squinted at me and then to Sam, “What are you talking about?”

“You know, you've been on edge ever since we found that crossroads, Dean, and I think I know why.”

Dean shook his head, trying to get past me but I side-stepped him, blocking his way, “We don't have time for this.”

“Dad. You think maybe he made one of these deals, huh? Hell. I've been thinking it. I'm sure you and Sam have been thinking it too,” I said, knowing I hit the nail on the head when Dean shook his head, turning his gaze away from me. “And my mom?” I paused, running my tongue over my teeth as the vice around my throat seemed to become tighter. “I think we’re all thinking the same thing. That she sold her soul for me. That that’s why she’s gone.”

Dean was silent for a minute before he finally dragged his eyes up to Sam and I, “It fits, doesn't it? We’re alive, they’re dead. What if they did? What if they struck a deal? Our lives for their souls?"

Evan’s voice suddenly came from inside the office, cutting through the silence that was beginning to settle between us, “I think I hear it! It's outside!”

“Just keep him alive, okay?” I said to Sam and Dean, quickly turning back toward the stairs.

“Ellie-”

“Go!”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I kneeled next to the hole in the ground at the crossroads, throwing my picture into the wooden box I dug up. I scooped the gravel back into my hands, patting it back over the box before standing. I glanced around the crossroads, waiting for something, anything to happen. I knew Evan was on borrowed time.

“So,” A voice behind me said, making me whip toward her. The demon was about my height, her dark hair falling in long waves over her shoulders and chest. “What brings a girl like you to a place like this?” I hesitated, watching her carefully as she cocked an eyebrow. “You called me?”

I sighed in slight relief, “I'm just glad it worked.”

“First time?” She asked, walking a slow circle around me.

“You could say that.”

She clicked her tongue, “Oh, come on now. Don't sell yourself short. I know all about you, Ellie Winchester.”

I squinted as she came to a stop in front of me, “So, you know who I am.”

She shrugged, “I get the newsletter.”

“Well, don't keep me in suspense. What have you heard?”

“Well, I heard you were beautiful, but...you're just edible,” the demon whispered, twirling her fingers through my hair as she stepped closer, her eyes turning a dark red color. “What can I do for you, Ellie?”

“Maybe we should do this in the car,” I suggested. “Nice and private.”

She smirked, letting my hair fall from her hands as she turned toward Baby, “Sounds good to me.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dean’s POV

I don’t like this. Not at all. I gripped the windowsill tighter as I stared out the open office window, thinking about how easily I let El go out there on her own. It should be me out there summoning that thing, not her. 

“She’ll be alright, Dean,” Sam tried to reassure as he poured the dust on the windowsill in front of me.

“What is that stuff?” Evan interjected. I glanced over my shoulder as Sam began creating a circle of dust around Evan on the floor.

“Goofer dust.”

Evan cocked an eyebrow at him, “You serious?”

“Yeah. 'Fraid so. Look. Believe me, don't believe me, whatever you want. Just whatever you do,” Sam paused, standing straight after the circle was finished, throwing the bag aside, “stay inside the circle.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ellie’s POV

“So I was hoping we could strike a deal,” I said as we made our way to the Impala.

“That's what I do.”

“I want Evan Hudson released from his contract.”

The demon shook her head as she hummed, “Hmm. So sorry, darling. That's not negotiable.”

“I'll make it worth your while.”

She raised her eyebrows, looking over at me, “Oh really? What are you offering?”

“Me,” I said, turning to stand in her way so she couldn’t go any further.

A sneer crossed over her lips, her eyes twinkling in what looked like amusement, “Well, well, well. You'd sacrifice your life for someone else's. Like mother, like daughter. Like your father.” My heart and fists clenched at her words, confirming what we all feared. Both of them, they both sold themselves to bring Dean and I back.

“You did know about your dad's deal, right? His life for Dean’s?” She asked, obviously enjoying this. My grip tightened on the car’s door handle next to me. “And your mom’s? How she came practically crawling to the first crossroads she could find. Oh, I didn't make the deal myself, but...boy, I wish I had.”

I grimaced, wishing I could kill her right here and now, but I knew I couldn’t. Not until Evan was freed from his deal. I pulled the passenger door open, motioning her inside, “After you.”

The demon smiled, getting ready to slide into the car when she stopped, her gaze hardening at the chalk outline she spotted just beneath the frame of the car.

“A Devil's Trap?” She growled, my heart sinking. “You've got to be kidding me.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dean’s POV

It didn’t take long for Evan to hear it again. Sam and I watched as he whipped his head toward a sound only he could hear. I glanced out the window he was looking through, “What?”

“You hear that?” Evan whispered in horror.

Sam glanced at me and then back to Evan, “No, where?”

Evan’s head whipped toward the large double doors now, his face paling and his eyes going wide. He pointed a shaky finger across the room, “Right outside the door.”

Suddenly, the doors began to shake as if someone were trying to break them down from the other side. I nudged Sam backward, the two of us stepping inside the circle beside Evan. “Just don't move, all right? Stay where you are.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ellie’s POV

“You stupid, stupid child!” She roared at me, slamming the car door. I backed up as she came closer, cornering me against a wooden watchtower. “I should rip you limb from limb.”

“Take your best shot,” I spat at her, my heart picking up speed.

Her eyes danced over me in amusement, “No. I don't think so. I'm not going to put you out of your misery.”

“Yeah? Why not?”

“Because your misery's the whole point. It's too much fun to watch. Knowing how your mommy died for you, how she sold her soul. I mean, that's gotta hurt.” She came closer. I pushed myself up against the wooden beam. “It's all you ever think about. You wake up and your first thought is, ‘I can't do this anymore.’ You're all lit up with pain. I mean, you loved her so much. And it's all your fault. You blew it, Ellie! I could have given you what you need.”

“What do I need?”

“Your mother…your father. I could have brought them back,” she said. I watched her, trying to figure out if she was bluffing. “Your loss. See ya, Ellie. I wish you a nice, long, life.”

I hesitated, watching as she walked in the other direction back toward the crossroads. My heart pounded at her words, not really thinking when I called after her, “Hold on.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dean’s POV

The doors continued to rattle viciously. I eyed the door hinges that looked as if at any minute they’d bust from the doorframes. I held my breath, praying that Ellie would get to the demon in time before Evan became dog food.

Then, the shaking doors suddenly stilled. I glanced around the room, looking to Evan, “Do you still hear it?”

“No. Is it over?” Evan panted when he looked over his shoulder, our eyes all falling to the same spot: a grated vent against the wall. Before we could even think about securing it, the vent flew outward, a cloud of smoke rolling into the room. Evan nearly fell backward in terror. “It's here!”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ellie’s POV

“You're lucky I've got a soft spot for lost puppies and long faces. I just can't leave you like this,” the demon said as she turned back toward me. She leaned against the watchtower. “Besides. You didn't call me here to bargain for Evan. Not really.”

“Can you bring them back?” I asked, just the thought of it making me feel weightless. “My mom and dad?”

“Of course I can. Just as they were. They’ll live long and natural lives, like they were meant to. That's a promise.”

I swallowed past the forming lump in my throat, “What about me?”

“I could give you ten years. Ten long, good, years with them. That's a lifetime. The family can be together again. John, Rachel, Dean, Sammy. The Winchesters all reunited.” She came closer to me under the watch tower. She rested a hand on my hip, looking up at my eyes but I kept my gaze trained just over her shoulder, her eyes on me making my skin crawl. “Look. Your parents are supposed to be alive. You're supposed to be dead. So, we'll just set things straight, put things back in their natural order. And you get ten extra years on top. That's a bonus.”

“You think you could...” I paused, stepping away from her, her hand falling to her side. “Throw in a set of steak knives?”

“You know, this smart-ass self-defense mechanism of yours...” she began before pausing when she realized she couldn’t walk any farther than under the watch tower. She slowly glanced upward where I’d drawn a second devil’s trap just above our heads. Her eyes clicked to red as she glared back at me, her voice booming. “Ellie!”

“Now you're really trapped,” I sneered, suppressing a smirk at her anger that bubbled over. “That's gotta hurt.”

The demon gritted her teeth, “Let me out. Now.”

“Sure. We just gotta make a little deal here first,” I nodded. “You call off your Hellhounds and let Evan go. Then I'll let you go.”

“I can't break a binding contract.”

This time, it was me walking a circle around her, “Hmm. And by ‘can't’ you mean ‘don't want to’? Last chance. Evan and his wife get to live to a ripe old age. Going, going...”

“Let's talk about this-”

“Okay, gone,” I said finally, pulling out dad’s journal and opening it up to the incantation for an exorcism.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dean’s POV

“Back inside the circle!” I shouted at Evan who was sandwiched between us, his feet coming dangerously close to the edge.

We watched as long claw marks were etched into the wooden floors, just outside of the circle. Sam shot me a desperate look over his shoulder, “Dean…what do we do?”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ellie’s POV

“What are you doing?” The demon muttered out as I flattened the pages.

“Oh, you're just gonna go on a little trip. Way down South.”

“Forget Evan. Think of your parents,” she pleaded. I knew she was pulling out every stop so that I wouldn’t send her back to whatever hole she crawled out of. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t working. Her words made me stop for only a split second before going back down to the exorcism.

“Regna terrae, cantate Deo...”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dean’s POV

A gust of harsh wind blew through the room from the air vents. We watched as papers from Evan’s desk began flying around the room as the wind picked up speed. My eyes widened as the dust at our feet began to blow away, too.

When the circle was being connected by just a few grains of the dust, I grabbed Sam’s arm, “Circle's broken. Come on!”

We ran toward the doors, pulling them open before rushing down the long hallway and into a different room, slamming the door behind us. Sam and I pressed ourselves up against the doors as they shook violently. Sam and I dug our heels into the floor, groaning with the effort of not flying forward.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ellie’s POV

I kept my eyes cast downward as I continued reading but could see the way the demon began to shake violently, “...in potentis Magnife!”

She began breathing harder, panting now when she suddenly stopped me just before finishing the exorcism, “Wait!” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dean’s POV

The pounding suddenly stopped, Sam and I panting. We cautiously stepped away from the door. I looked to Evan, “Are they still there?”

“N-no,” he breathed, relieved.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ellie’s POV

The demon’s hands held each side of my face as we kissed, her tongue dancing over mine before pulling away. I widened my eyes in confusion, “What the hell was that for?”

“Sealing the deal.”

I blinked twice, “I usually like to be warned before I'm violated with demon tongue.”

“Evan Hudson is free. He and his wife will live long lives.”

I squinted at her suspiciously, “How do I know you're not lying?”

“My word is my bond.”

“Oh, really?” I scoffed.

“It is when I make a deal. It's the rules. You got what you wanted. Now let me go,” she said, her hands gripping the wooden planks next to her as she stared at me through them. I averted my gaze, running the beaded rosary over my fingers, contemplating. “You're gonna double-cross me? Funny how I'm the trustworthy one.” I tore my eyes back to hers. I finally had her just where I wanted her. “You know, you renege? Send me to hell? Sooner or later I'm gonna climb out, and skinning Evan Hudson will be the first thing that I do.”

I ran my tongue over my teeth, knowing she probably wasn’t lying. I sighed, tucking the rosary back into the journal. I climbed the beams of the tower, pulling down one of the wooden planks in the middle of the devil’s trap, breaking the seal.

The demon sighed in content, finally stepping out from under the tower, “I gotta tell you. You would have never pulled that stunt if you knew.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, “Knew what?”

“Where your mom and dad are. You should have made that deal. See, people talk about hell, but it's just a word,” she shook her head. “It doesn't even come close to describing the real thing.”

I clenched my jaw, “Shut your mouth, bitch.”

“If you could see your poor daddy? Hear the sounds mommy makes 'cause she can't even scream?”

“How about I send you back there?” I advanced toward her when her head was thrown backward, making me stop suddenly. Black smoke poured out of her mouth, inky against the night sky. I watched as it escaped from her before disappearing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I debated all the way back to Evan Hudson’s house whether or not I should tell Dean about what the demon said. However, once we were all alone, I knew he wouldn’t let me off the hook until I told him the truth, the whole truth.

It was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, telling him what she told me. I couldn’t look at him as I said it, confirming all of Dean’s fears he’d had about what dad did for him.

“Demons lie all the time, right?” Sam said. “Maybe she was lying.”

“Come on. That really what you think?” Dean asked, now in the driver’s seat. He tightened his grip on the wheel as he shook his head. “How could he do it?”

“He did it for you.”

“Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that? You know, the thought of him...wherever he is right now. I mean, he spent his whole life chasing that yellow-eyed son of a bitch. He should have gone out fighting,” Dean said, taking his lip between his teeth as he shook his head again. “That was supposed to be his legacy. You know? Not bargaining with the damn thing. Not this.”

I stayed silent as I listened, knowing nothing I said would make a difference. I knew what it felt like to have someone make a deal like this for you. It’s something that never gets easier.

Sam looked over to him, and I knew he was just trying to make Dean feel better, “How many people do you think dad saved? Total?”

“That's not the point, Sam.”

“Evan Hudson is safe because of what dad taught us. That's his legacy, Dean. But we're still here, man. So we gotta keep going, for him,” he said. When Dean didn’t respond, Sam raised his eyebrows. “Dean?”

“Yeah.”

Silence filled the car once again. I fought myself to keep the demon’s words out of my head, fought to keep the image of mom and dad suffering, wherever they were now. I was pulled from my thoughts when Sam turned to me, “When you were trapping that demon, you weren't...I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal, right?”

I wanted to say no. I wanted to be able to say that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind once, twice, a million times. But I couldn’t, I knew I’d be lying. I felt Sam’s eyes on me, and then Dean’s too. I dragged my gaze away from them as I slunk against my seat and put my headphones in, not saying a word.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

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*DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS.

[my-arlington-academia]

How would the main 10 react if scholar gets jealous ?

Alright 😂 let's make the MC jealous! I hope I'll be able to deliver what you had in mind and thank you for the request as always 💕💖

(On a side-note: when you guys don't specify Scholar's gender, I always write in "you/your" by default so don't hesitate to tell me what pronouns you'd like me to use! I know that some people can find it weird, reading headcanons that directly put them into MC's shoes, but if it doesn't bother you then carry on as always 👌)

Alistair

- immediately notices that you become a bit cold when that "friend" from the athletics department is around

- is it... jealousy?

- Alistair considers that possibility right away, maybe because deep down he kinda wants it to be true? A little bit?

- pulls you aside and asks you what's wrong

- "Y/N... when Sam is around you always act a bit weird. Is something wrong? Does he make you uncomfortable? Maybe I can help you guys talk it out!"

- you shamefully admit that it's not it, from there on, the way you avert your eyes and that obvious blush on your face makes Alistair sure of it

- "Haha... You're jealous, right? You of all people..."

- he's grinning, this is making him way happier than he thought it would and it pisses you off a little bit

- "Hey! What the hell?? D-Don't be so happy about that kind of stuff! It's not funny!"

- despite what you're saying, he can't wipe that smile off his face, instead he hugs you tightly to compensate

- "Sorry... pffthahaha... sorry. Yeah, you're right it's not funny. It's just really really cute."

Axel

- it's actually really easy to make Axel jealous and he always gets annoyed at that part of himself

- so when you're the one being jealous for once? Oh boy is he happy...

- You already knew about the difficulties that can arise from dating Axel so you're usually hard to break

- But this one time there was a girl who was being especially clingy and friendly

- Axel noticed the shift in your behaviour right away

- he's smirking while questioning you

- you decide to be honest and ignore how happy Axel is with this whole situation

- "I uh. I guess I was a little bit... ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜs."

- Axel comes closer to you and acts like he didn't hear what you said

- "Huh? What was that? Sorry you're just so quiet I didn't catch that."

- you remember all the times he was the one being jealous but everytime you brushed him off and told him that he was "just being silly"

- now that you're on the other end, it's kind of ironic

- you know fully well that he did hear you, but feeling pressured you say it again

- "J-Jealous. I was jealous."

- when Axel notices how red you are and your eyes full of tears, he ends the joke and hugs you

- "Geez come on, don't make that face sweetheart..."

Claire

- okay now that's a funny one

- she does catch on the fact that you're acting different but she tries to approach you in a really polite way

- "So um. You know uh... I'm really sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions and it might be really preposterous of me to think of it that way but... Could it be that you're jealous?"

- she's so nervous, as if she's asking something really rude

- you admit it quite easily, there's no reason for you to hide that from Claire

- she's always so caring and understanding about everything

- "Oh! I see! So it really was jealousy... Well in any case please don't worry! I mean I would never, ever cheat on you I swear!! I assure you that it's just your mind playing tricks on you!"

- Even though she doesn't want to admit it, it's clear that she's a little bit happy about the fact that you were jealous

- but still worried about you because jealousy is really not a pleasant feeling

Ellie

- sees that you suddenly become really quiet once that person comes to greet her and have a small chat

- Ellie is friendly with a lot of people and a chatterbox so she easily becomes close with others

- hell, she's the most popular person in her department, if that's not an achievement then you don't know what is

- she tries to talk to you about it but you clumsily dodge her questions

- "Hmmm... Y/N you're acting reaaaaally suspicious right now, you know that?"

- tickles you into submission

- "HHAHAHA O-okayhahahaha Okay!! Okay... Alright, yeah, I was jealous. So what?"

- hugs you and kisses you on your cheek

- "So nothing at all! You're really a worrywart! There's no way I would give up on you silly!"

- from then on, when that person approaches you guys she holds your hand and acts all lovey-dovey in public

- now everyone knows that you guys are dating... but hey! At least no more reason to be jealous!

Karolina

- here we have miss master heartbreaker

- which is funny because she's also the kind of person who gets easily jealous for the smallest things

- someone sits too close to you in class? Back off!

- someone's giving you the soft eyes™? Get lost!

- the joy she feels when you're finally the one to be jealous cannot be described

- she decides to play a bit with you, even if it's a cruel way to do it, she really wants you to be the one to assert dominance for once

- you catch on her little game but break eventually

- the way you shoved that guy aside made him fear for his life

- "Karolina, what you did just now? That was really childish and unfair."

- she playfully rolls her eyes

- "Oh please. You mean how you always do it to me? Or is it not "childish and unfair" when you're the one to do it?"

- welp. She has a point

- but in the end she's fully satisfied with your little outburst of jealousy

- you guys carry on as always: half fighting and half flirting

Neha

- it takes Neha about a day to figure it out

- of course she's emotionally intelligent but she thought that maybe you were going through some personal stuff you didn't want to share yet

- Neha is really respectful about that kind of stuff, she won't pry unless she absolutely has to

- not to mention that you're sulking in a really subtle way, had she not known you for a long time, she wouldn't catch that at all

- figures out that it has something to do with that girl from the fashion department she's been hanging out a lot with (for purely work related purposes)

- "Y/N, there's something you want to tell me, isn't there?"

- she really catches you off-guard

- you decide that there's no use hiding that from her and tell her you understand how illogical your jealousy is but you can't help it

- as you explain your feelings to her, a small smile appears on her face

- "Wait... Neha, are you happy that I'm jealous?!"

- "W-what?! No!!! ...Well okay, maybe just a little bit..."

Raquel

- gets that there's something going on with you but not exactly what

- it does cross her mind that you might be jealous but she writes it off as "wishful thinking"

- Raquel is pretty popular in general and despite that you have never been jealous

- it seemed unlikely that now, all of a sudden you would start feeling jealous

- But since you're being so moody lately, Raquel gets really concerned, it's not like you're always super cheerful or anything but you've never been this... annoyed?

- "Y/N listen, are you like... jelly or something? I mean it's probably not it but you've been acting kinda weird recently."

- But she hit the nail on the head

- Raquel looks at you in disbelief

- "No way... seriously?? You're jealous?? Oh my God..."

- She practically jumps on you to hug you

- "Woah! Easy there... Well in any case, glad to see that my jealousy makes you sooooo happy."

- she tightens her arms around you even more

- "Awww... come on! Don't be so bitter Y/N, you know that you're the only one for me!"

- says it dramatically but she really means it

Tadashi

- this is the dense brick, a stonewall

- the funny thing is that he can be really perceptive when it comes to other people but when it's for himself?

- he has no clue what's wrong with you

- thinks that maybe it'll go away soon enough and he just tries to be there for you

- you're the one to question him

- "So, haven't you figured out why I've been acting like this? Doesn't it bother you or could it be that you didn't even notice?"

- blinks at you a couple of times before answering

- "You mean how sometimes you randomly become irritable? I don't know, is there something stressing you out? If there is I would be happy to help you."

- you facepalm yourself mentally, seems like you'll have to say it clearly rather than making him guess, if you ask him to guess he'll be like "What do you mean? What's the point of doing that? Just tell me."

- "Tadashi it's just that, well... lately I've been feeling kind of... jealous. You spend a lot of time with Veronica and it just... it makes me upset even though I shouldn't be."

- Tadashi stays silent for a couple of seconds and you can see his cheeks switching from it's usual shade to a deep red

- "...Oh? Jealous hm... I see, okay. Well, I'm not sure how to make you feel better since it is an irrational feeling but... I-I would never abandon you. Maybe it's not the right word to use but... I mean it! You matter to me a lot. More than you think."

Tegan

- Tegan has a big brain but he has such a low self-esteem that he didn't even consider your behaviour to be a simple case of jealousy

- tries to brush it off and instead keep your mind away from... whatever is bothering you

- you really want him to catch the hint so you try making your behaviour even more obvious

- thankfully he ends up taking it as a possibility at least

- "Y/N? Do you not... like it when I spend time with Daniel?"

- he's still so unsure that he doesn't even dare to use the word "jealousy", you end up confirming it for him

- "That's right. I wish you would spend that time with me instead of him... I mean of course I'm not telling you to not hang out with the people you get along with but uh... ughhhh... sorry, I'm not making any sense today. Forget I said anything..."

- Tegan shyly grabs your hands, trying to be as reassuring as he can

- "Please, don't worry about stuff like that... I would never think about uh... getting with someone else other than you. I mean, I honestly still can't believe that we're together. It's like I'm living in another reality or something..."

Tyler

- he has seen his fair share amount of drama in movies, he knows what's going on and he loves it

- is super giddy at the idea of you wanting to keep him only for yourself

- he's so smug that it makes you angrier... but you can't stay mad for long with him, he's too witty and adorable

- when you try to be cold with him he either keeps poking your cheeks with his fingers, tries tickling you, hugging you from behind or doing all of those in this specific order

- "Come ooonnn... just be honest with me, you're jealous, aren't you?"

- he's so close to your ear, he's almost whispering

- "Ugh. Fine. Yes. So what are you gonna do about it?"

- you can't even see his expression since you're facing away from him, but you can somehow tell that he definitely has a smirk on his face

- Tyler turns you around to face him and kisses you

- "You're waaaay cuter than any of those people, even though I'm not even sure who you're jealous of since you're being so secretive about it... Maybe if you spill the beans I'll kiss you again? Sounds like a pretty good deal, doesn't it??"

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Down by the fishing hole

The guys from Airy are back for a fishing tourney and more musical fun times! Joining them are Franny and little Ellie May, both who are enjoying the camp very much. It's been forever since I've seen the two so it's been great catching up with them.

Ellie May's full of spirit, she's a lot like her dad and aunt. I'm surprised that she kinda remembered me a little from when I last visited Airy, which was maybe four or five years ago - not too long before I came to the camp so around that time period. She was probably around two as she was walking and talking by then.

Sam says that Ellie May couldn't wait to come to the camp so she's been marking down the days until the tourney on the calendar. It's no surprise that she's into the great outdoors like her parents. At home she would tag along with Sam, Buddy, and Storm on their fishing trips at Sawyer Lake right outside town. And like the guys, Ellie May has a knack for fishing.

Franny's a bit of an outlier as she's not an avid fisher, but she does like hanging out with the guys. Though it's more so she can keep an eye on them. Buddy and Storm have a way of attracting trouble while Ellie May has Sam wrapped around her finger so it's up to Franny to be a couple steps ahead when their antics drive them up a wall.

What I love about Franny is that on the outside she looks like the kind of person who's got her shit together - the sole braincell of the gang. Independent, intelligent, creative, badass - there's a reason why she's a force to be reckoned with. Though on the inside she's just as crazy and eccentric as the others - and that's why everyone looks up to her.

While fishing, we got to talking about what's been going on in Airy. Ellie May's on the soccer team at school and taking piano lessons with a neighbor. Sam and Franny's dad is semi-retiring from the Airy Gazette, which is slowly phasing out newspapers to go completely online by next year. The community choir album is progressing while In Hopes and Dreams is a hit, prompting Storm to work on recording more music. Buddy's running the gas station/auto shop as usual. Franny is filling prescriptions and keeping up with current events. Sam's balancing town council and home life as well as dabbling as a songwriter.

Airy's one of those small towns that has adapted and changed over years while still retaining its heart. People like Franny, Sam, Ellie May, and Buddy are rooted firmly to their town, their families having been there for generations. Franny and Sam's grandpa, Andy Beryl, was a well known townfolk. He was the good samaritan, the kind of guy who takes the time to help others and actively worked to make the town a better place. There's a plaque in the courthouse dedicated to him in the office where he worked - it was brand new when I last visited.

We also got to talking about Andy Beryl a bit as it's been almost ten years since his passing. Imagine if he had lived a few more years he would've gotten to know Ellie May. Sam and Franny speak highly of him, talking about fond memories of him telling stories of the shenanigans he and his friends got up to in town. Among his friends included Buddy and Storm's grandpa, who was also known for getting into sticky situations that involved Andy stepping in to save the day.

Being part of the town council, Sam and Franny feel a sense of responsibility for the town. Since taking on the role of head council, Sam has kinda followed in his grandpa's footsteps - even mirroring his life in a way. Along with being the go-to person in town, Sam, like Andy, is also a single parent who's trying their best. The Beryls hold pride in their family name but at the same time avoid putting it up on a pedestal. After all, they're regular folks just like everyone else - something that seems to get muddled over the years but the message's clear enough. They have a legacy that they're proud of and want to keep it up, to make things even better for the next generation.

Speaking of generations, what's interesting about Airy is how different things were thirty years ago. During Andy's time, the town was mostly white - English, Irish, Scottish, German - most who have been living there for generations. Now most of the people in Airy are mixed, mainly white and Asian like the present company. Sam and Franny's father, Andy's son, married his college sweetheart, a Cambodian immigrant. As a result, Sam and Franny grew up with a mix of both cultures and know how to speak Khmer. It's fun seeing them bickering in their second language, because even if you don't understand what they're saying, at least you get what's going on.

(Also I'm lowkey jealous of how well they speak Khmer. I can barely hold a basic conversation, plus my pronunciation totally butchers the language. They say theirs isn't that great either but compared to mine, it's nothing. Sorry Mom, I'm trying but Khmer is hard.)

And as for Ellie May, her mom, Ellie, was born from Mexican immigrants. Ellie's parents visit often so Ellie May's picked up Spanish from them, making her trilingual. It seems early, but her grandparents want Ellie May to have a quinceañera, though before we know it, that day will come soon! It's good to see Ellie May proud of her heritages as well as showing off her impressive language skills!

Again, I find it interesting how much the demographic? culture? of Airy has shifted so much over the past 30-40 years, which is basically Sam, Franny, Buddy, and Storm's generation. Pretty much everyone around their age is born from a longtime Airy townfolk and an immigrant. I wonder how much more Airy will change with Ellie May's generation.

In between fishing sessions, we did a bunch of fun activities. Buddy was in his element at OK Motors tinkering with engines. He's a bit unconventional when it comes to fixing cars but he's got his ways. Storm messed around with engines too while looking for songwriting inspiration. He and Sam have written a couple songs over the past few weeks so they'll be dropping by the island in the near future to record. I'm happy that Storm's getting back into writing music, especially now that things are finally working out in his favor in terms of creative control.

Franny and Ellie May enjoy hiking and foraging, they've gathered a lot of berries so we're gonna be making something with them. We're debating on whether to make a pie or a bunch of little tarts - either one sounds good. Sam brought his guitar, prompting spontaneous jam sessions throughout the camp. Like Storm, he's been getting into music too, especially since discovering his talent as a lyricist. We've heard live performances of the new songs - Out of Reach, Dandelions, and Where the Ferns Grow - all which sounded fantastic. Hopefully there's more where that came from.

Since working on In Hopes and Dreams, Sam has also been seeing a counselor. With the song being about grief and loss and now that Ellie May's become more curious about her mom, Sam finally realized that he needed help. Talking about Ellie has been difficult but he knew that he can't keep avoiding it forever, especially for Ellie May's sake. I haven't known Ellie for long but her absence is felt, which I think says a lot about her.

While the others fished, Franny collected seashells and took a bunch of pics. Sam managed to catch a lot of doubles as well as a shark during the off hours. Despite almost getting yeeted in the middle of the ocean, he managed to drag the shark to shore - with our help, of course. Ellie May drew a cute sticker for him that says "I fought a shark and won!" with a funny doodle to go with it, which he stuck on his jacket for all to see. The two have such a sweet bond, it's fun seeing Sam carry Ellie May up on his shoulders as they laugh and run around the camp.

Earlier today we took a short hike along the thornberry trail behind the camp. That probably wasn't the best idea as the path's kinda narrow and we had to watch out for thorns. Sam had to go after Ellie May, who was running around, and both ended up stuck in a bramble bush. Thankfully their injuries are nothing serious, but they looked painful. As soon as they took off, Franny knew that something like that was gonna happen as both have a tendency to be too curious while easily distracted. It doesn't matter how grown up you are, the older sibling never stops being the caretaker for the younger one.

Just for the record, Ellie May was a lot braver than Sam - and she has more scrapes and bumps than him. Though for him, it's less the pain and more that the sight of blood puts him off. There's a reason why Franny followed their mom's footsteps to study medicine and he didn't.

Aside from that little mishap, everything else has been going well. Franny, Daisy Jane and Norma made fish pies that turned out great. They're basically like seafood chowders with a puff pastry layer on top. Stu and Buddy helped Reese and Cyrus build a gazebo that's ready to paint so that's what we're gonna do tomorrow. Storm, Candi, and Tipper hung out at Sunbust Island and harvested coconuts to make smoothies. Sam and Ellie May helped me run errands while sightseeing and stocking up on supplies. Just another fun and busy day at the camp!

In between those activities, we met up at the beach for another round of fishing. The tourney fish seem to gravitate towards the area near the cliff so we called that spot the fishing hole. It's a nice area to be situated in, kind of like our own little nook in the ocean.

[megalony]

Teacher’s pet- Part 3

This is the next part of my dad! Ben Hardy series, thank you to everyone for the lovely feedback it is much appreciated. I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog​

Summary: Gwilym sets Ben up on a date with (Y/n) who teaches at the school Ben’s kids go to. But Ben is hesitant in the relationship, desperate not to make the same mistakes and needing to put his kids first.

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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"Alright buddy, I'll see you later." Leaning down Ben kissed James' head, ruffling his hair to make him smile before the seven-year-old turned and trotted over to the front door. A smile on his face since he could go out with his mum who had finally come over to take him out for the day.

Heading over to the door, Ben leaned against it and watched the pair of them leave before he closed the door, turning around to look at his other two boys who were staring at him with very different expressions. Whenever Ellie came over to collect James, Finn never ended up asking about his own mother, whether it was because he simply didn't care or he had some sort of instinct not to want to be with his mum, Ben wasn't sure. He only knew that Finn was happy with Ben alone and that was how Ben wanted it to be.

Carter, however, wasn't so happy. He still remembered Jamie, he remembered her being around until he was five and then the memories seemed to grow fainter until they stopped completely. He asked about her from time to time, asking Ben why his mum didn't come for him but it was more out of jealousy than curiosity. He was jealous that James got to go out with his mum when he himself didn't.

"Where's he gone?" Carter asked, turning to follow Ben into the kitchen as did Finn who was always Ben's little shadow. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself if he wasn't following Ben around or being cuddled in Ben's arms.

"Out with his mum for the day, bud." Ben flicked the kettle on to make himself a drink but when he leaned against the counter and turned to look at the boys, he didn't like the expression on Carter's face. The eldest had been a bit out of sorts today, he didn't know what to do and when he was like that it made him anxious and irritable.

"Where's my mum?"

A sigh passed through Ben's lips as he pinched the bridge of his nose to try and calm himself down. This conversation never ended well and Ben had gone through this far too many times for his own liking. Gwilym was so much better at talking about this stuff with Carter, he could explain things better and say them in a way that wouldn't annoy Carter so much. Gwilym was one of the best teachers Ben knew because he was so patient and understanding and he was great with the kids with special needs. Ben himself was great with Carter but there were just times he didn't know what to do.

"Carter, we've been through this before, you don't see her anymore, I don't know where she is buddy." Ben leaned his back against the counter which he was gripping harder and harder each second that ticked by with no response.

He couldn't say anything else because he didn't know where Jamie was, what she was doing, where she was working, Ben knew nothing about her. She hadn't texted him in months now, she could have another kid for all Ben knew but truthfully he didn't care. She had washed her hands of Carter, if she said she couldn't cope and just visited him on occasion like Ellie did with James then Ben would understand and happier but she didn't so Ben decided to wash his hands of her too.

"Why not? Why won't she come see me?" Carter's brows furrowed and his lips pouted as he folded his arms over his chest as if it was Ben's fault, like he was keeping Jamie from him when it wasn't Ben's choice.

"I don't know Carter, I have no idea where she is or what she's doing anymore, buddy I'm sorry but that's just how it is. You've got me, nanna, grandad and uncle Gwil, you don't need her." Ben could hardly tell Carter that she won't come and see him because she didn't want to be around him anymore. He couldn't say that his own mother didn't want anything to do with him and she couldn't cope with him because it wasn't Carter's fault. He couldn't help the way his temper flared or how his mood's changed, Jamie was his mother she should learn to help him like Ben does instead of walking away.

"That's not fair! Why can James see his mum but I can't? It's not fair!" The moment Carter stomped his foot against the floor Ben noticed Finn shudder, his light sea-green eyes darted to look at Ben with uncertainty, not knowing what was going on.

"Finn go upstairs please, I'll be there in a minute." Ben watched his youngest hop off the chair he was sitting at next to the table, hugging his toy to his chest as he scurried out of the room to be out of the way because Ben just knew Carter was going to have some sort of tantrum. "When was the last time you saw your mum?" Ben rose his brows as he crossed his arms over his chest to match Carter's stance, locking eyes with him as he shook his head, waiting for an answer he knew Carter didn't know.

He couldn't remember the last time he saw his mum, he didn't know what she looked like anymore, he didn't remember her voice, he didn't know when he last talked to her in person or on the phone. He didn't even know her name and it hurt Ben that Carter was upset about someone who didn't care about him anymore. Ben wished Carter could be satisfied that she wasn't around anymore but he knew it was hard to come to terms with the fact that she was alive somewhere but wasn't with him.

Sometimes Ben wondered if it would have been easier to tell Carter she passed away, then he wouldn't think he had been abandoned. But he knew in the long run it was easier this way, he didn't want to lie to him and then have Carter find out in the future that he had lied.

"See, you don't know her Carter, for the last five years she hasn't been around okay? I don't know why she doesn't want to talk to us but it doesn't matter because we don't need her." That was the only way Ben could phrase it but it would never be enough. Carter always got angry about his mother at some point and it always made Ben feel angry too.

"I want to see her! It's not fair why can James have a mum but I can't? I want my mum!"

Ben could feel tears prickling in his eyes when Carter reached out and slammed his hand down on the kitchen table as if he demanded to see her then she would suddenly appear in front of him. He started to shake from both anger and pain before he forcefully kicked one of the kitchen chairs causing it to screech against the floor making shivers run down Ben's spine.

Breathing through gritted teeth, Ben moved so he was standing in front of Carter and grabbed his sides, pulling him away from the table but his body stiffened when Carter started to cry, lashing his hands out at Ben wherever he could. He wasn't intentionally trying to hurt Ben, he was trying to let out the anger he was feeling but that meant lashing out and right now he was hitting Ben to do that.

"I want my mum-"

"Well you can't have her!" Ben rose his voice but his tone deepened as did his eyes until they looked like voids Carter didn't want to get lost in. The ten-year-old started to cry and continued to bash his fists against Ben even when Ben hit his arms away and took his face in his hands to get him to look at him properly.

Sobs left Carter's lips as he snapped his eyes closed but it did nothing to stop his tears of rage from leaving his sore eyes. He dragged his short nails down Ben's arm to try and get him to let go but Ben kept hold his face and shook his head a little until he relented and opened his eyes. Repeats of 'it's not fair' left his lips in broken cries as he felt cheated, all the other kids at school had a mum that they saw or even a mum that was dead which was better than one who didn't want to see you. Why was he so different?

"I know it isn't fair Carter, she left me too you know! She doesn't want me anymore so she left and she clearly doesn't want to talk to me and for some reason, she doesn't want to talk to you. I don't know why she doesn't want to see you, maybe she's not well or upset or maybe she's gone away somewhere, I don't fucking know! You can beg me for her all you want but I can't give her to you because she's gone, okay, gone."

Ben breathed harshly as he felt himself shaking when Carter stopped lashing out so he could take in what Ben had just said. He seemed to mull over what he had been told and for a split second, Ben thought he was going to nod or say sorry or at least calm down, but then the sobs started again.

His foot bashed into Ben's kneecap but it hurt him a lot more than it hurt Ben but that didn't stop him from trying to punch Ben, managing to clip him on the jaw before he turned to run away to his room where he would undoubtedly scream the house down out of frustration and pain. He didn't get very far before Ben grabbed hold of him, tightly holding both his wrists in one hand which he used to pull him closer.

"Don't you dare start punching me or I'll punch you back." Ben spat before he moved so he was sitting down on the cold floor of the kitchen. He roughly spun Carter around and pulled him until he haphazardly fell down onto the floor with Ben.

Ben wrapped one arm tightly around Carter's middle securing his back to his chest before he wrapped his other arm around Carter's neck, applying not nearly enough pressure to stop his breathing but enough to stop him from fighting and trying to escape. This was how Ben normally had to restrain Carter so he didn't lash out and hurt his brothers or anyone else, it was a routine they were going through more and more lately and it was one that Ben hated. He hated sitting down and restraining his own son until he was calm enough to be trusted not to hit anyone. But it was the only method that worked when talking didn't.

Clenching his jaw so hard that his teeth started to grate and grind together, Ben moved his arm that was wrapped around Carter's waist so he could slap his side before reaching up to grab Carter's chin when he bit down on Ben's other arm.

"That's enough! You dare start trying to hurt me and I'll pin you to the fucking floor." Ben turned Carter's head so their eyes locked, his very stern message getting through to the ten-year-old when he clamped his lips shut to imply that he wouldn't do that again. Ben often had to restrain people at work when they got vicious, he knew what to do so he didn't hurt them and he had to do this a lot with Carter but being pinned down was something Ben tried hard not to do because they both hated it.

He was used to Carter trying to hurt him but it didn't happen often because Ben wouldn't let him get away with it, he either got hit back or he got pinned down or some sort of punishment. Ben had to show him that he couldn't carry on trying to hurt him or anyone else or Carter would continue to do it.

"Now you listen to me. Finn doesn't see his mum either, he doesn't know her at all just like you, and I know that isn't nice and I know it isn't fair but it isn't my fault. You can ask for her all you want but she isn't coming. You have me, you got that? I'm the one that's here with you right now, I'm the one who's always there when you throw a tantrum or when you hurt yourself or when you're sad. I love every bone in your body and I'm all you've got. Am I enough?"

Ben leaned his chin down so that he could press his lips to the top of Carter's head, holding him closer when a whine passed through Carter's lips. He hated when Ben asked if he was enough because it made him feel sad and guilty, it made him feel like he was telling Ben that he didn't want him but that wasn't what he was saying. Ben was more than enough and he always would be, Carter just wanted to have a mum too.

Carter didn't hold the ability to talk anymore so he simply nodded his head as much as he could manage with Ben's arm being in the way. He dug his hands into Ben's arm but not to try and hurt him, instead to try and hold him as close and as tightly as he could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you okay?"

"Hm?" Confusion sparked in Ben's tired eyes as he tilted his head up so he was looking over at (Y/n) who was sat down to his left. His mind seemed to come back to reality after realising he had zoned out for a moment but when his eyes followed her gaze, a sigh passed through his lips.

Pushing back, Ben slouched in the rather comfy leather seat in the quiet cafe round the corner from (Y/n)'s place. His fingers danced around the crystal white coffee cup in front of him that held the strong scent of freshly made coffee and just a dash of milk. He leaned his head back against the seat, letting his head drop to the left so he was able to look at (Y/n) who still had a look of worry in her eyes.

"I'm fine, Carter had a meltdown yesterday, it's nothing."

Ben's words didn't do very much to make (Y/n) feel at ease as she slowly scooted over so she was sitting closer to him. Without thinking, she reached out and ran her fingers delicately over the scratch marks on Ben's exposed arms and the bite mark on his left arm. She knew that Ben had told her he could get bruises or scratches or the occasional broken nose from work if the prisoners got angry or rowdy but so far she hadn't seen a mark on him from work. Nor had she seen any marks that were from Carter.

It was clear from how both Ben and Gwilym spoke about Carter that he had anger issues, but it didn't cross (Y/n)'s mind that the young boy would get physical with Ben. She had seen the way Carter looked at Ben, even if he was mad with him he still had adoration and respect in his eyes for Ben and he clearly loved him. Hurting Ben wasn't something (Y/n) thought Carter would have done or been able to do.

Deciding not to push the subject any further in fear of upsetting or provoking him, (Y/n) hummed in response as she continued to run her fingers over the marks. The bite mark wasn't bleeding or deep at all it barely scratched the surface and only one or two of the scratches had drawn blood but they were still there and still eye-catching.

A smile tugged at Ben's lips when (Y/n) leaned her head on his shoulder causing small shivers to run up and down his spine. He rested his cheek on her head as he continued to stare at his coffee that was half-empty.

"Are you busy next Saturday?" (Y/n) kept her head resting on Ben's shoulder as she asked the question she had been meaning to ask since they arrived. A wave of content washed over her as she smiled, watching Ben's finger start to tap on his mug as his head started to move back and forth as he counted the days to add up his shifts. Days seemed to become irrelevant to Ben since he worked different days every week, he just seemed to know he was working this day and that day but the days got lost.

"Don't think so, I'm not at work anyway, why?" The weekends only seemed relevant to Ben because the boys weren't at school. He didn't have to work out his rotas and get his mum to pick them up when he was at work or rush from work to collect them from school or take James to football after school on a Wednesday. Weekends weren't busy unless he was working.

"I thought we could go out somewhere, dinner or something?" (Y/n) slowly linked her arm around Ben's before leaning over and grabbing her drink with her free hand, finally lifting her head from his shoulder to take a sip of her tea.

Turning her head, (Y/n) looked up at Ben as he seemed to be debating something or trying to work something out in his head. His finger started to tap against the mug again but it was more from anxiety than having to think or count in his head. (Y/n) was beginning to work out Ben's habits and what made him tick or his anxiety spike, but she learnt that the boys were what really made his anxiety kick in.

"Yeah, I'll just have to see if mum can have the boys." Ben ran his hand over his jaw, nodding his head as he thought that it should be fine.

"Why don't you bring the boys along?" The response was so instant and so casual that it caught Ben off guard for a few seconds. His eyes widened and scanned over (Y/n)'s expression to see if she was joking or if she looked like she instantly regretted what she'd just proposed but she didn't. She looked calm and her expression seemed to wonder why Ben hadn't already thought of this.

Ben opened his mouth to speak but no words seemed to escape because he didn't know how to respond. No one had asked him something like that before, they'd never wanted the boys to tag along and the last person he went out with didn't want to get to know the boys at all.

"You... you wouldn't mind?" There was a lot of hesitation in Ben's voice and his eyes were wary because he knew how this normally played out. The boys tagged along and either they didn't get along with the girl or the girl paid no interest to the boys and the relationship ended right then and there. Ben didn't want to bring up the subject of meeting the boys yet because he didn't want to push things or make (Y/n) feel like she had to get involved with them right away.

"Of course I wouldn't, I want to get to know them since we're... together. As long as they'd be okay with it?"

(Y/n) could feel the nerves building up in her stomach and swelling in her lungs when she dared to lift her eyes to look at Ben the moment she spoke. They hadn't talked about them actually being together but they had gone on quite a few dates now and (Y/n) felt that they were basically together anyway even if they hadn't officially said it yet.

But her nervous smile widened when Ben bit down on his lip to stop his smile from spreading too wide.

They were getting serious and that meant that (Y/n) would have to meet the boys sooner or later if this was going to continue. (Y/n) wanted to meet the boys, Ben told her about them and so did Gwilym and she had already talked to Carter on a few occasions already. If she and Ben were going to be together, she had to get to know the boys and there was nothing (Y/n) wanted more.

"They'd love to meet you... we'd have to be careful with Finn though, he doesn't do well with strangers. It took Gwil over a month to get Finn to talk to him and be at ease around him." Ben moved (Y/n)'s arm that was wrapped around his own so he could intertwine their fingers as he tried to calm down his erratic heart.

He knew James would be excited to meet (Y/n) and Carter would be okay, especially since (Y/n) worked at the school and he knew briefly of her. Finn was the only exception because he had anxiety that was worse than Ben's, he wouldn't take to anyone for a while. He wouldn't speak and he would hardly move but once he got to know (Y/n) and felt more comfortable around her there would be no problem, Ben knew it.

"Baby steps." (Y/n) stated with a smile. She was a teacher, she knew how to approach children who were anxious or scared or held back and she knew it took time, that wasn't a problem. They had all the time in the world.

"Baby steps." Ben agreed quietly before he leaned over and closed the distance between them.

He moved his free hand to cradle her jaw, brushing his thumb over her jawline causing (Y/n) to smile nervously into the kiss. For the first time in a while, Ben didn't feel anxious when the thought of the boys came to mind, he wasn't fearful of them meeting (Y/n) or how it would turn out when he would normally be going into overdrive already. Somehow, he just knew this was going to go the way he wanted it to.

(Y/n) was the one.

[raleighcarrera]

As much as angst hurts my heart, I’m getting some delicious Logan x MC or M x MC vibes from this, writer’s choice :)) -pj

who is more likely to get injured doing small tasks

ellie !! logan is annoyingly graceful. he never trips, never spills a drink on himself, never accidentally gets one of his belt loops stuck on on a door handle that tugs his jeans out of shape. whereas she’s constantly bumping into things, cutting herself on something so smooth it should be impossible and stumbling over shit he leaves around the apartment

who worries more about the other

logan for sure. she gets annoyed if he says anything about it, so he tries really, really hard to bite his tongue but he can’t help it !! he would lose his mind if anything happened to her, so of course he worries

who is more afraid about the other leaving them

this is a tough one. i think they’re both afraid in their own way because their relationship is so important to both of them and such a major part of their identities -- like they both completely changed each other’s lives. and she worries about him just packing up and moving on like he’s always done, and he’s worried about her outgrowing him and leaving him behind

who is more likely to leave (for any reason)

i’m split evenly on this for the reasons mentioned above !! i think he could leave whenever because of legal issues and she obviously leaves for school, job opportunities, etc. could go either way buuuuut then they start going places together

who is more likely to drunkenly confess

i’m split on this one again. i can picture them both drunk, whispering like, babe, babe. i’m the one that ate the last bag of popcorn. i’m realllllly sorrrrryyyyyyy. in terms of, like, big emotional confessions? probably ellie. like we saw in the book, once he’s comfortable logan is a sensitive person who doesn’t have trouble expressing himself. i think she sometimes worries about being ‘uncool’ with him or pushing too much, since he’s her first like ~real~ relationship, so she needs the liquid courage

who is more likely to push the other away (for any reason)

logan. i think his biggest point of insecurity is that ellie is ‘too good’ for him and has a whole future ahead of her. he thinks she’s destined for greatness, and that it’s only a matter of time until she has some awesome job and amazing life, so why not break up now and spare himself the pain of watching her outgrow him? but then she shows him how he’ll always fit into her life 

who picks fights more often

ellie. i don’t think they fight a lot, but she’s the type of person to start arguments about little things instead of waiting and having a big blow-up -- i think logan is the type of person to let one issue fester forever because he doesn’t want to fight with her lol

who usually apologizes first

logan, because he knows she’s weak and a simple ‘i’m sorry’ with the puppy-dog eyes and his hair flopping into his face will get him out of pretty much anything she could be mad at him for

who is more likely to withhold their feelings for the other

this one is hard !! maybe her. i feel like once he gets to the point where he’s all in he’s constantly telling her how he feels -- towards the end of the book he’s always gushing over her so i think he’s a little more forthcoming because he wants her to understand completely how he feels

who is more likely to lash out at the other

ellie, because she doesn’t understand how a relationship can be good all the time. she thinks they’re supposed to have conflict, so she makes conflict. fortunately he handles all her moods like it’s no big deal

who gets more jealous

she does for sure, girls hit on him everywhere they go !! he definitely gets a little jealous every once in awhile, but she’s the type to sit in his lap in public so no one gets any funny ideas

who is more likely to support the other in a relationship with someone else “as long as they’re happy”

ugh i think they both would !! but probably him. i think it would be too hard for her to see her ~first love~ with anyone else, but all he’s ever wanted is for her to be happy 

slightly angsty ship meme

[marshmallowprotection]

Hey! Could I request MC in a poly relationship with Saeyoung and Zen? We're MC starts as an emotional support for Seven and in the middle of it gets into a relationship with Zen but realizes that she also has feelings for Seven. Maybe it comes to the three of them talking and trying to figure things out. What kind of relationship would they all have?

Seven / Zen

You were best friends with Saeyoung and you had been his rock, you had been there for everyone in the RFA, honestly. It was thanks to your faith in him that everyone was together and that there were no more secrets to be had. At least, that’s what he said if anyone brought it up. 

It had been a long time coming after attack after attack on each of the members but everything had worked itself out in the end. You two just sort of blended in a way that nobody else could. There was always this comfortable hum when you with him, but you thought that you were just friends, and nothing more than that given his interest. 

You were okay with that. 

Well, you thought you were, he was busy trying to fix his relationship with his brother and focus on rebuilding what had been broken, so you stayed his friend and support at the side, but you tried to rip your feelings away from him so you could try to move on. 

That led you to lean into Zen’s feelings for you. You knew that he had always had somewhat of a crush on you and you couldn’t deny that the feelings were not exactly mutual. It was often play flirting and comfortable talk when it came to how you spoke with him but there was a natural connection. It was fun to be with him and he treated you like royalty. 

Who wouldn’t find themselves in a relationship with someone like Zen? He was absolutely amazing and it just sort of happened one day. You slipped your hand in his and it was just like it was meant to happen. He only chuckled and stole a kiss from your lips.

That was that, or well, it was supposed to be as simple as that. 

You settled into a relationship with Zen and tried to focus on helping him with his career as things calmed down the work started to flow back in. It was supposed to be smooth sailing from here. You would be with Zen and the RFA would find a new normal after everything. 

It wasn’t that easy. You tried to push aside your feelings for Seven but every time you were around him, your heart would still race and his smile would melt the ice walls you tried to pull up around yourself to move on. His laughter was still music to your ears and you wanted him, God, you wanted him. 

Guilt wracked your soul because you loved Zen too, but you didn’t want to hurt him by admitting you loved Seven too. It grew to a point where you closed your heart to everyone around you. You wouldn’t talk to everyone as much as you used to and you didn’t feel like you deserved to be around the ones you cared about because you felt selfish. You should have been happy with Zen, but you weren’t happy with just that. 

It was a lot, to say the least. It wasn’t until Zen caught and cornered you in his apartment that he was able to get the truth out of you after a few weeks of hit or miss conversations. He was worried that you were hiding something from him, like the media talking about you or belittling you for being his partner, but when you admit why you really were so far away from him, he's a bit floored. 

“You like Seven?” 

“I love you too, Zen, but I... I’ve always loved him.” 

It’s a lot for Zen to think about but honestly when it comes down to it and after he’s had a night to mull it over, he decides that what matters to him is that you are happy. Whatever it means for you to be happy, he’s willing to try. Of course, you would have to sit down with Seven and talk about that. 

So, that’s more or less what happens next. You invite Seven over so you can talk to him about why you’ve been avoiding him and why you were acting so... unlike yourself lately. With Zen’s support, you’re able to admit your feelings to him and that you know he only sees you as a friend but you need him to know this. Much to your surprise, Seven is honest with you too, about how he loves you but he thought that you only wanted to be his friend. 

Turns out you both were assuming without asking. 

Zen has to shake his head and sigh, “Ah, kids these days.”

Seven is not amused, “Zen, you’re hardly older than me, man. Don’t tease Y/N like that. We’re both sort of to blame for letting it fester like this.” 

The three of you hash something out after a long conversation that night where you’re easing into a relationship with Seven. Zen is okay with that, he wants you to be happy and if it means he has to put up with Seven, well, he’s okay with that happening. 

For a while there, you’re spending your time between Seven and Zen. It’s nice but it doesn’t feel quite right. You get to spend nights curled up with Seven or out on the town with Zen. It’s fun, and you love that you get to be with the men that you love so much but there’s a disconnect. So, you make an active note to go out with both of them together. 

You like being with them, you shouldn’t have to split time between them like that, you know! Zen is the one who is a bit unsure of it at first. He’s a pretty jealous guy so it’s hard for him to see another guy kissing you. Seven is totally fine with that. He’s always sort of you know, had a little puppy crush on Zen and he can’t deny he doesn’t like being around him like that. 

You started to pick up on that fact really fast. He’s always helping Zen trend and ensuring that he’s doing well online, anyway. It was just sort of obvious to you that he had a crush. Seven’s been guilty of pining over Zen for a long time and you figure that it’s high time he at least make a point of giving that a shot. After all, you’re all in a relationship! 

This doesn’t have to be just you between them, it could be more than that. 

Hijinks ensue as Seven tries to get closer to Zen through all sorts of means and it just gets hilarious each time Seven makes a move and Zen is utterly oblivious to what’s happening. 

It probably isn’t until Seven starts getting more brazen during your date nights that Zen picks up on what’s happening. Zen flirts with everyone so it’s not weird for him and Seven to go back and forth. What is new to him is how Seven sprawls himself over his lap and coos over him affectionately as you normally would. 

You think Zen would have figured out that he sort of was into him after all those times Seven came over to the apartment dressed up as a girl on a day he was feeling more feminine or just wanted to play around. His internalized anxiety over being attracted to another guy was probably playing into how long it took him to realize what was happening to him. 

This actually doesn’t have a big blow-up or anything, it sort of just happens one evening. Seven might just nonchalantly kiss him during a movie when you’re not there to act as a distraction and it just goes and escalates from that point. Cue your surprised but enthused face when you realize that Seven was able, to be honest as well and Zen was okay with it. 

The relationship dynamic is wholesome. Seven is guilty of being a sadistic little brat and likes to torment Zen until he punishes him. That’s what’s going on with them. You’re guilty of egging it on just to see how far it’ll go. Seven easily plays with you too but he’s a lot softer when it comes to you. Zen is also gentle with you but with a much firmer touch. 

There’s a lot of affection shared because you’re a group of insecure people who found each other and love to hear that someone cares about you. Not everyone knows what’s going on for a while there between you three because you and Zen were already together. There might be an instance where Yoosung thinks that you’re cheating on Zen with Seven, and he’ll have to be calmly explained to that “Yoosung, you can date more than one person and we’re all together.” 

It’s just really cute! You and Seven are constantly doing everything to support Zen, him from the sidelines and you from the forefront. You, Seven, and Jaehee are utterly guilty of being the Zen Fanclub here now. Except when it comes to Elly, Seven will always love her, and Zen will just have to deal with that from now on. 

Seven doesn’t really like the spotlight but honestly, going out with Zen is an excuse to dress up in costume. Zen likes having two pretty girls on his arm, that’s always nice. You’re always red in the face because they’re always doting on you when it’s like this! 

[haikyupid]

Order from Soft Tears,

Hello! May I please order a Dalgona Matchup Latte? 😌 I’m an Aries and my Myers-Brigg is ISTP. At first I might seem shy but once I open up it’s impossible to shut me up but that doesn’t mean that I will hesitate to kill someone if they deserve it. I generally speak my mind whether people like it or not so I’m quite blunt. I hate routines, they bore me. I’m impatient and short tempered and I hate being tied down or told what to do. You never have to guess where you stand with me, as I will always let you know. In love, I’m more of a one-on-one person. I can never get too much attention or solo time with my s/o. I’ll try to put my partner first in all matters, and I expect the same in return. That doesn’t mean I’m a pushover though since, like I said, I’m not into being suffocated or controlled. I just love attention (giving and receiving), and I want to share my most intimate side with someone I can trust. As you can tell, I’m a huge hopeless romantic and I dig cliches as long as they don’t make me cringe. I’m a night owl I tend to go to sleep late. I love taking on leadership roles and being challenged since I’m very competitive. I’m actually quite taller than average females, my height being 5’8”. I like reading, listening to music, working out if I don’t feel lazy or if i feel like it, going out with my friends. I’ve played volleyball and basketball for my school teams but I quit because how toxic the teams have become. Now I only play them for fun. Thank you so much for this and I hope I managed to follow all of the instructions. 💞

Thank you for ordering and following the instructions, you’ve made Kyupid very happy! Dalgona Matchup Latte coming right up— oh, and I think I already mentioned something about the side effects; so I matcha up with ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

➞ this relationship is just filled with love; that sounds like an obvious thing to have in a relationship, but this is just different — you both take ‘i can’t picture the future without you’ to a whole new level

➞ he falls for you first, and he fell hard; at that point, he just knew that there was no turning back, you were the one periodt

➞ he probably realized it when you suddenly stopped blabbering after you realized that he was just staring at you intently and got a bit flustered; all he could think about was ‘no, please don’t stop talking to me. i want to see your eyes sparkle more, i want to hear your voice more, i want you to be happy around me more. i want to be one of the reasons behind that heavenly laugh of yours. i want to see that beautiful smile of yours… for the rest of my life’

➞ of course he wanted you to be his, but even if you didn’t see him like that, he still wanted you to be a part of his life — that’s how important you became to him

➞ he will give you all of his love and attention; he’ll definitely voice out how much he loves that you’re quite clingy, he’ll even ask for you to not hold back with it

➞ expect to be treated like a princess; you’re literally gonna be spoiled with everything, whether it’s gifts or affection, you name it, it’s all yours

➞ he may need you to initiate the majority of your guys’ convos since he’s afraid that he might say something wrong (he’s canonically blunt, taunting, and have no filter) so bear with him, he’s still trying to be more sociable since he isn’t really experienced in that department (skdkskdk it hurt writing that)

➞ sometimes it’s obvious who loves the other one more between most couples; but with y’all? nuh-uh, y’all are just pure on simps for each other and it’s mad obvious to everyone; literally expect everyone at shiratorizawa to have made a ship name for y’all already, like it’s just that obvious

➞ semi will probably say, “look, it’s y/n” just to distract tendou, and mans will always look even if he knew that you were on vacay with your parents in a another country, like he’s just so whipped—

➞ i think because he’s very clueless when it comes to love, he resorts to watching romance movies to maybe learn a thing or two that may impress you

➞ but bby is so pure and innocent, he mostly copies the ones from disney; his fav would be the lady and the tramp spaghetti scene

“…what’re you doing?”

“i’m fhying thfwo be romanthwic.”

“what?”

“i said i was trying to be romantic 🥺 that was the last noodle… now we can’t be like dogs in love.”

“hey, how about we copy ellie and carl’s love story, hm?”

“…sato, she ends up dead.”

“well clearly not that part; but i want to live happily ever after with you. just us, and mini-me’s running around our front yard, while we just hold hands on the porch and drink our tea— what i’m trying to say is, i’ll marry you in the future, so wait until then, alright?”

➞ dates will include midnight escapades to the park to play some sports or just to sit on the slides and stargaze; spontaneous trips to tokyo literally right after school; pet store dates where you’ll see how caring and sweet he actually is; he’ll probably pull out a wagon and tell you to get on it, and you’ll probably just make everyone in your neighborhood smile and remember that love exists when they hear just a bunch of laughs and giggles, and they look outside to see you two and see how tendou looks at you with pure love in his eyes while he’s pulling you around the block like i— uwu, just uwu

➞ expect tendou to turn mundane things into competitions like, “baby, i bet i can slurp this juice box faster than you” and he’ll just completely fawn over how you suddenly have this glint in your eyes and you just look so beautiful to him

➞ you’re always showered with affection, but doesn’t mean that he doesn’t give you your space when needed

➞ he is not at all controlling; like literally unless you’re doing something that may cause you harm, then mans won’t interfere until you tell him to

wanna wear a tight dress? “of course, babe, you look breathtaking as always.”

wanna change your appearance? “ooh, a surprise! i’m all for this, sweetie. should i change mine too, so we could be matchy-matchy if you want?”

wanna hang out with a couple of friends, “you don’t need to ask me for permission, but i really appreciate it. go have fun, baby, and tell me all about it when you get home.”

➞ he may get jealous when you talk about your guy friends though, but he won’t stop you from hanging out with them (you’re not his property, and he’s very aware of that) he’ll most likely just pout and be like “but i’m your baby, right?”

➞ he gets insecure because of his past, he’ll end up thinking that you’re too perfect for him and that he doesn’t deserve you; so please give him all the affection and love that he’s starved of (or i’ll pull and steal ur mans, bby boo)

➞ just know that he’s very grateful to have you in his life; even if you do end up rejecting him, he’ll accept everything just for you to always be a part of his life even if you end up just being a friends

➞ btw, your height? damn, he literally thinks it’s so sexy, and the fact that he can literally just kiss you without having to worry about neck or back pains? he will literally end up peppering you with kisses, like legit you might end up suffocating (good luck with that, bby 😌✌️)

➞ i think you might be wearing the pants in the relationship…

➞ but anyways, you and tendou just radiate love energy to everyone; legit everyone sees the two of you with heart emojis all around and i mean, who wouldn’t want to be around a love so strong like you two’s?

I really hope that you enjoyed your Dalgona Matchup Latte! Here’s a visual of your movie-esque relationship: he’ll pull the cliché ‘let’s compare hands’ move before you guys will start dating, and ever since then, he’ll just adore the warmth of having your hands in his; your first kiss after a lil’ spontaneous hiking at a cliff; how he hugs you whenever he’s lost in his feeling for you (which is literally almost all the time) before leaning in to give a soft peck on your cheek; he will often feel as though maybe you shouldn’t be with him and that you deserve better, so during those times, please comfort him and remind him that he’s loved.

Thank you so, so much for ordering and being so kind; Kyupid hopes to see you again! Have a wonderful day, cutiepie ♡⋆.ೃ࿔*

an: you’re literally so nice 🥺 like thank you, bby, honestly. i really hope you enjoyed this! pls give tendou all the love and kisses that he deserves.

also thank you for requesting, bcus of you, i just now realized that i have been sleeping on my bby chicken tendou, and i will now commit to being a full time simp just for him… so expect me to pull up if you ever hurt my mans 😤🥺 jk ily

if you notice anything wrong with your request, dm me please so i can fix it! if the gif isn’t working if you don’t see any colored texts at all.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 58

Chapter Summary - After returning from their walk, Danielle and Tom end up minding his niece for a while and after that, they go to have dinner again in Diana's, where it is revealed that due to the summer, Tom has not spoken to his father since then, something Danielle thinks to rectify.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @damalseer​ @hiddlesbitch1​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​ @salempoe​ @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

After the walk in the woods, and a small towel dry for Mac, Danielle and Tom contemplated sitting down for a quiet read, but their idea was quickly shattered when Sarah arrived with her daughter. “Half an hour, I beg you.” she pleaded. Tom looked at his sister in concern. “My head is spinning, I have literally watched four movies in a row, I need half an hour.”

“Give us one and a half, she’ll be fed and all.” Danielle smiled. Sarah did not even bother asking if she was sure, she turned and fled. “I guess that answers what our afternoon includes.” She commented to Tom.

“Prepares us for the weekend we have you I suppose.” Tom grinned at his niece. “Have you had lunch?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, how about some of Ellie’s homemade soup and brown bread?” Tom ushered her into the kitchen. Danielle smiled as she walked in after them, Tom getting some of the soup Danielle had made them after their walk and the bread she had baked before getting injured on Christmas Eve. Tom saw her looking at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” She smiled. “Just nice seeing you make yourself at home here.”

“Well, just remember to do the same in London.”

“I might just.” She winked, going over to the kettle to make herself some tea. “Do you want one?”

“Please.” Tom was about to put his arms around her when she moved slightly to avoid it and indicated to the six-year-old who was currently eating at the table. “Sorry.”

“Have to remember to behave in front of children.” She chastised. “So, what movie will we watch when you are finished your lunch?” She asked said child as she placed a glass of apple juice next to her.

“Cinderella.”

“The film or the cartoon one?” Danielle offered.

“Film.”

“There’s a film of it now?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, Kenneth Branagh is the director, it’s brilliant, so colourful,” Danielle informed him.

“Ken loves using colour.” Tom nodded. “Sounds good.”

When Sarah returned almost two hours later, she was shocked to see Tom and Danielle playing hide and seek with her daughter. “You two are worse than her.” She chuckled to her brother.

Tom came over to her and put his arm around her, “Feel better?”

“Too much wine yesterday, tired and over my fill of movies, thank you both so much.”

“We are happy to have her.”

“She loves you both, she has not stopped going on about wanting you to marry Elle.”

“I know, I was informed yesterday on our walk that she is to be the flower girl, no arguments.”

“No pressure.” Sarah laughed.

“No, none. So what time is dinner?”

Sarah groaned. “No one is in the mood for turkey, not even mum.”

“I know, the idea of it is not too appealing.” Tom agreed. “Though…” He walked out to the end of the stairs. “Truce,” he shouted up. A moment later, two smiling faces poked around the top of the stairs at him. “Why is your hair tossed?” He asked almost worriedly.

“We…”

“Shh,” Danielle put her hand over the girl’s mouth for a moment. “We can’t let him know where I hid you.” She giggled. “What do you want? Surrender?”

“Not a chance.”

“Then why call us?” She asked.

“You cooked a lasagne on Christmas Eve, right?”

“I did.”

“Is there enough for everyone?”

Danielle took a moment to think. “There are fourteen portions, so I think it’s safe to say yes.”

“Why did you cook that much food?” Tom frowned.

“It’s easier to cook a lot and freeze, so I did.” Danielle shrugged.

“Can we use it for dinner, no one is really in the mood for Turkey?”

“Actually, that sounds really good.” Danielle came down the stairs, Tom’s niece in tow, she turned to look at her. “What do you think?”

“I want Garlic bread with it.”

Tom grinned, “That sounds like a great idea. But I am not sure there is any.”

“I have store-bought in the freezer too.” Danielle smiled.

“I love you.” Tom declared.

“You two are nauseating.” Sarah laughed.

“All men declare their undying love to the one that feeds them, why do you think they all love their mammies!” Danielle laughed, going to the kitchen to get the food. “How are you now?” She asked as she opened the freezer.

“Better, thank you, I had a cup of tea and a power nap. I think everyone was a little drained.”

“Well, you know where I am.” Danielle offered.

“Aunty Ellie?” Danielle turned around. “Why do you say mammy and not mummy or mommy?”

“Because I come from Ireland, and in Ireland, we say mammy.”

“Uncle Jack is from Ireland too and he doesn’t sound anything like you.”

“Uncle Jack comes from up at the tippy top of Ireland, so his accent is different, like your granddad comes from Scotland, so he has a different accent to your nan.”She explained.

“Okay.” With her curiosity sated, she walked off again.

“You didn’t correct her.” Sarah grinned.

“What?”

“When she called you ‘Aunty Ellie’ you never corrected her.”

“I didn’t even notice.” Danielle shrugged.

“Well, it suits you.” Sarah grinned. Danielle stared at her worriedly. “What do you need me to bring over?” Rolling her eyes, Danielle pointed to the food they would need.

*

“Okay, that was more delicious than I thought.” Jack conceded as he finished another portion of lasagne. “How are you not the size of a house?”

“Self-control.” Danielle laughed. “How are you not sick?” Jack shrugged.

“And it was not beef?” Jakov looked at the food in front of him.

Danielle shook her head. “Lamb, less chewy.”

“That is actually delicious,” Sarah declared. “I am stealing some.”

“Or I could just give you some.” Danielle laughed.

“That too,” Sarah conceded.

Diana smiled as she looked around the table, “Are any of you going to see your father soon?”

“Jack and I are going after New Years, on our way back from Jack’s parents,” Emma stated.

“We went a couple weeks ago, I will see when I can get up again,” Sarah informed her.

Everyone turned to Tom. “I...I haven’t spoken to him in a while…” There were a few moments of silence.

“Since the summer?” Danielle ventured, seeing no one else was going to ask, though everyone seemed to be thinking it. Tom nodded. “Have you spoken since?” He shook his head. “Well, do something about it.”

“How?”

“You get off your ass and you go to Scotland, obviously.”

“He…”

“Will give you a clip across the ear and then you apologise for embarrassing yourself, your family, your forefathers, your descendants, your pets, neighbours and even your preschool teacher and you get on with life.” Tom gave her a disbelieving look while the others laughed.

“What wiring is wrong in your head to say you say the stuff you do?” Jack shook his head.

“You’re just jealous you are a boring Tyrone shite that only wishes he was as brutally honest as me.” she retorted.

“Language.” Diana admonished.

“He started it.”

“You are the biggest child to ever exist, are you sure you don’t have any siblings?” Emma laughed.

“Nope just learnt all this from your crazy butts.” Danielle looked to Diana, who nodded her approval of Danielle toning down her language. “Why don’t we see if he is free over New Years, I know you wanted to go to see a few of your friends, but I think it would mean more to him if you made the effort to go up and show him you are not as mental as everyone thinks you are.” Tom gave her an unsure look, which Danielle chose to ignore.

“Can I just absorb some of your ability to just say what I am thinking?” Emma asked.

“I can be honest or I can not hurt your feelings, not both, most of the time.” She grinned. “So, get off your ass and ring him.”

“He…”

Danielle shook her head, “Emma, give me your phone,” Emma gave it to her and Danielle typed in the code and the screen unlocked. “Dad or James?”

“Dad.”

“Got it.”

“Elle,” Tom warned.

Danielle ignored him and continued. “Got you,” She pressed the dial button and put the phone to her ear. When a Scottish accent answered she smiled. “Hello, Dr Hiddleston, this is Danielle, I was a bridesmaid at Emma’s wedding.”

“I recall, what can I do for you?”

“I am ringing because Tom is under the impression you are not willing to speak to him, I wish to know if this is true or is he just being dramatic?”

“Is that little tart gone?”

“You mean the American singer?”

“That one.”

“Yep.”

“Is he there?”

“Right next to me, Dr Hiddleston.”

“Put him on, and for Christ’s sake girl, I told you enough times that day, it is James.”

“Sure thing Dr Hiddleston. I hope you had a lovely Christmas, take care and here is your idiot son.” She held the phone out to Tom, who was glaring at her.

Anxiously, Tom took the phone and rose to his feet. “Hello, dad.” He walked from the room talking.

“There, done.”

“Carpe Diam?” Diana smiled.

“More like ‘Carpe Scrotum’.” Danielle laughed as she took a drink of her water to the sounds of laughter around her.

*

“Thank you, I think.” Danielle turned to see Tom behind her.

Danielle faced him properly. “For the record, I would never have forced you to talk to your dad if you didn’t look like it was the one thing you wanted more than anything else in the world, that would not have been fair.” She stated. “I completely understand if you are annoyed with me and want to stay over here tonight. I just don’t want to see you not talk to your dad about something that is over, he is not exactly young. My dad always said to me, that no matter how bad we argue, never leave it longer than a day to say sorry, time doesn’t wait for you to.”

Tom looked at her for a moment. “I was pissed off you did it, but I am glad you did. We spoke for a few minutes, he just didn’t want me ruining everything I have worked so hard for. He mentioned you too.”

“Well, I was the one that called him.”

“He asked why I couldn’t ever see you as a suitable woman, you are, and I quote ‘copped on, intelligent and well able to give me a clip cross the ear’ he impersonated his father’s Scottish accent as he did so.”

“He forgot funny, charismatic and generally awesome,” Danielle laughed. “What did you say to that?”

“I told him I did, and that I convinced you to come to London to me for a few months.”

“Well, there’s his idea that I am copped on and intelligent gone out the window.” She stated solemnly before giggling.

Tom pulled her to him and kissed her as he chuckled too. “He said about fucking time, and that should I find my way to Scotland anytime soon, I am to bring you.”

“Woohoo, very nice. Got both parents on side, I am rocking at this girlfriend thing.” She smiled.

“I think you may have it down indeed Ms Hughes.” He agreed. “By the way,” She looked up at him. “He said to stop calling him Dr Hiddleston.”

“I can’t, it annoys him too much.”

[gatesofember]

Frailty and Fortune: Chapter 4

PJO Arranged Marriage/Royalty AU Part 10

Rating: T | Pairing: Solangelo

Prev | Next | AU directory | Read it on AO3 (Recommended) | Arranged Marriage AU Masterpage

Summary: A few months have passed since Prince Nico’s wedding to William of Solace. Even with his husband at his side, Will sometimes feels lonely as he settles into his new life. He misses his home, his family, his friends, and his studies in Venadica. Meanwhile, Nico is uncertain how to help him, awkward about expressing himself, and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to truly make his husband happy. As time goes by and Will continues to feel lost in his new home, Will and Nico must both learn how to make their marriage work.

Nico woke up late the next day.  Very late.  Reyna was not pleased with him.

Despite her lecture, Nico was in no hurry to get up until she reminded him of two things: firstly, that Midas had noticed his absence all morning, and secondly, that Nico’s husband had been entertaining their host alone.

Nico shot out of bed at that.  He quickly dressed and readied himself, decided that he could wait until lunch to eat, and then hurried with Reyna to find Will and Midas.

Reyna brought him to a windowed drawing room where the early sunlight made Will’s hair more golden than anything in Midas’ estate.  He was standing with Midas at a large round table littered with maps.

Midas politely greeted him, which Nico ignored, and Will smiled kindly.  At first, Nico was overwhelmed with relief to find him safe, but once the feeling passed, it was quickly replaced by anger.  How dare Will meet with Midas alone?  Had Nico not been very clear about what he thought of that?

You were sleeping, reminded a rational voice in Nico’s head.  Nico ignored it.  Yes, he should have woken up earlier, but that wasn’t a reason for Will to meet with Midas alone.  He should have at least taken Reyna with him.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Will said, oblivious to Nico’s fury.  “We’ve been looking over maps of the mines and making projections of what an extension of the slope would entail.  Engineering isn’t my specialty, but I thought I’d have a look.”

Will looked well-rested, happy, and eager.  Hadn’t he seemed disinterested in helping just the night before?  Now he suddenly wanted to be involved?  After leaving Nico and Reyna to deal with him before, he suddenly decided to speak with Midas on his own?  Had he forgotten that Nico was the duke?  That Nico was supposed to lead their discussions?

Will didn’t mean anything by it, Nico tried to tell himself.  It didn’t make him feel better.

“The outdoor pony stables should be here, at the slope’s entrance,” Will said, pointing at the top of a cross-section map.  “I suggest building them as soon as possible, at least so that the ponies on the first three levels can start using them while work on the slope progresses.”

Nico’s lips pursed.  Will was only trying to help, he reminded himself.  Really, he was doing exactly what Nico had asked of him.  Nico shouldn’t be angry.

When a manservant entered the room and took Midas’ attention, Will leaned closer to whisper in Nico’s ear.  “I’m glad you’ve finally woken up.”

Nico made a noncommittal sound in response.  He was not in the mood for teasing.

Will frowned.  “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” Nico grunted.

Will didn’t seem satisfied by that answer.  For a moment, it seemed like he might drop the matter anyway, but then he reached for Nico’s hand.  “Nico?”

Nico snatched his hand away.  “You may not call me that here,” he hissed.  “I have already told you the circumstances in which you are allowed to use that name.”

Nico immediately regretted it.  He’d lashed out at Will like that once before, when he’d berated Will for touching him during Prince Percy’s wedding.  Will’s expression this time at least wasn’t as confused and scared as it had been back then, but he still looked hurt.  And not just hurt, either—it was like a cold steel wall had suddenly sprung up around him.  He looked angry.

“I didn’t mean to snap,” Nico said quickly, determined not to get himself into trouble like he had the last time.

Will nodded slowly, but his features didn’t soften.  Before Nico could apologize, Midas returned.

“Lityerses has everything prepared for you to leave,” he said.  “Your man is already waiting.”

“Man?” Nico repeated.  He was Will’s man.

“Hedge,” Will explained.

Nico nodded.  That was alright, then.

Then Nico caught himself and forced his thoughts to grind to a halt.  Of course it was alright.  He had to keep his penchant for resentment in check.  There was no reason to be getting jealous.

“Then I will leave you to your talks,” Will said, standing up straight and fixing his coat.  “Will you send the documents I requested to my room, Lord Midas?”

“I already have someone locating them,” Midas answered.

And the jealousy was back.  What documents?  Why hadn’t Will mentioned these documents to Nico?

Nico mentally trampled the thoughts away.

“Thank you,” Will said, then he turned to Nico.  “Until this evening, Your Highness.”

“Yes,” Nico said, because that was the only thing he could think to say other than “Don’t leave yet!”  He tried to discreetly touch Will’s hand as he passed, but didn’t manage to reach him in time.

Nico watched him go with an uncomfortable wrench in his gut.  He’d thoroughly spoiled what could have been a perfectly good morning.

*   *   *

Will had worked as a healer long enough for examinations to become second nature to him.  He made his way through the mine’s ponies without needing to think much about it.  It was a good thing, because Will’s mind was preoccupied with his husband.

He knew why Nico was angry; Nico had asked him to be careful around Midas and was upset when he found out that Will had met with him alone.  Still, Will couldn’t explain that they’d been discussing his daughter’s health.  He did feel guilty for worrying Nico and keeping Zoe a secret, but he wasn’t sure that he had a choice.  Zoe deserved confidentiality.  Will didn’t have the right to tell Nico about her health.

Anyway, Will thought Nico’s anger was unreasonably inflated.  He could understand the frustration, but honestly—snapping at Will for the mistake with his given name?  It was all quite ridiculous and even a little bit offensive.  Why was Nico so against his husband using his given name in public?  Why was he so ashamed of Will?

Much to Will’s surprise and relief, Lityerses made a good conversation partner.  He helped keep Will from dwelling too much on Nico while he worked on the ponies.

“The Prince must have told him to keep a close watch on me,” Lityerses said, referring to Hedge.

Will glanced at Hedge, who was glowering at Will and Lityerses from the entrance of the stables.  There were in the first level of the mines and Will was sitting on a stool, working by lamplight to examine a pony’s hooves.  Hedge had made no attempt to hide his distrust of Midas’ son.

“Yes, well, my husband is worried about my safety and Hedge is suspicious by nature,” Will said.  “I’m sure no one meant any offence.”

Lityerses raised an eyebrow.  “Your Highness, I do recall the way the Prince objected to my accompanying you at dinner last night,” he said.  “Besides, I am well aware of what he thinks of my family.”

Will paused while examining one hoof, and all he managed to say was, “Oh.”  After a second, he gathered his thoughts and added, “Well, really, it’s just your father.”

But Lityerses shook his head.  “Oh, no, the Prince doesn’t like me, either,” he said.  “He rejected me quite quickly when I was considered as a candidate for Royal Consort.”

Will sat up so quickly that he knocked his head on the wooden slats behind him with a loud crack.

“Your Highness?” Hedge called.

“I’m fine, Hedge,” Will answered quickly, lest he come back inside and start breathing down Will’s neck again.  He’d been so distracting that Will had been forced to ask Hedge to keep an eye on the mine from the entrance of the stables within ten minutes of arriving.

Lityerses eyed him curiously.  “Didn’t your husband tell you I was considered?”

“He...uh...neglected to mention that,” Will said, rubbing the throbbing spot on the back of his head.  He supposed it wasn’t surprising that Nico hadn’t said anything, given how much he’d teased Nico about his failures with Cecil and Ellis.  Nico had probably been embarrassed.  Given how much Nico despised Midas, any attempt by Lityerses to court him must have been disastrous.

“It fell through immediately,” Lityerses said again.  “Hardly worth mentioning.  Suits me well, anyway; being the Prince’s consort would have been nice, but I’m needed here to take the county after my father.  Zoe...well, we always assumed that Zoe wouldn’t live long enough to do it.”

Will wasn’t quite sure what to say to that.  Lityerses must have misinterpreted his uneasiness, because he said, “You don’t need to worry about my relationship with your husband.  It was bound for failure.  He never would have accepted my father’s son.”

“Right,” Will said, racking his brain for another topic of conversation.  Nico wouldn’t have wanted him to talk to Lityerses about this.  There had been a reason Nico hadn’t mentioned courting Lityerses and Will didn’t feel right learning about it from someone other than his husband.

He got to his feet and opened the pony’s mouth to examine its teeth.  “I’ve noticed that these ponies all seem quite young,” he said.  “At least, that’s what I’d assume based on their teeth.”

“They are,” Lityerses confirmed.  “That’s actually what I wanted you to look for in the records.  It’s always been this way.”

“They’re too young,” Will said, stepping back to look over the pony.  “He’s even quite small.  He can’t be more than three years old.”

“Some are younger.”

“Younger?” Will repeated.  “What age do they send them here?”

“Two or three, according to the records I’ve looked at,” Lityerses answered.  “Then they work here for the rest of their lives.”

“And I’d wager that isn’t very long,” Will grumbled angrily as he left the pony’s stall to move to the next one.

“It’s not.  Three more years, if they’re lucky.”

Will halted in his tracks.  “Three?”

“Three,” Lityerses confirmed.  “Pit ponies usually only live to about five.”

“But they’re not even fully grown before five!”

“I know.”

“They’re practically children!”

“I know.”

“Do you realize how long ponies are supposed to live?  Twenty years.  Twenty!  This is only a quarter of how long their lives should be!  I expected their lifespans to be short, but I thought they’d at least make it to ten.”

“I know,” Lityerses said again.  “I’ve been looking into this for at least the past two years.  It’s all in the records that I told you to ask for.”

Will ran a hand through his hair, forgetting how dirty his fingers were.  “And your father,” he said.  “What does he think of all this?”

“He doesn’t particularly care,” Lityerses answered.

“But you do,” Will said.  It was halfway between a statement and a question.  “You do, and you can’t let your father know.  Why?  Why haven’t you confronted him?”

Lityerses sighed.  “You have to understand—he’s my father.  Every son worships his father when they’re young.”

Will couldn’t say he agreed with the sentiment.  He liked his father well enough, but he’d always been very much aware of Apollo’s flaws.

Will nodded for Lityerses to go on anyway and chose not to voice his thoughts on the matter just yet.

“I only recently started to realize that something was wrong here,” Lityerses continued.  “Or, at least, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally came to terms with it.  I’ve known for a long time.  You’ve heard about my father’s trial, I presume?”

“I’ve heard.”

Lityerses crossed his arms and averted his eyes.  “I knew about the baiting before the trial,” he said.  “My father took me to watch matches when I was younger.  At the time, I thought it was just a normal sport.  It wasn’t until the trial that I found out it was illegal.  Even after that, it took time for me to accept that it was wrong, because if it was wrong, then my father was a bad person.  I didn’t want to believe that.”  Lityerses looked up at Will, and whatever expression he was wearing made Lityerses close his arms further over his chest.  “I’m not proud of it, Your Highness.”

“I imagine not,” Will said.  He didn’t mean it judgmentally, but he certainly wasn’t feeling compassionate, either.  “Continue.”

“I assumed that he changed after the trial.  In fact, I was desperate to believe it.  But sometimes he said things—things that seemed...flippant.  Like he didn’t care.  Eventually, I started to suspect that he could still be causing harm to animals, or even to people.”

“Lityerses,” Will interrupted.  “Is he still baiting?”

“No, I haven’t found evidence of that,” Lityerses answered.  “That was one of the first things I tried to find out.  He doesn’t travel enough for me to think he attends matches elsewhere and I’d have found out by now if he were holding them in Phrygia.  We’d have more guests, for one thing.  I even looked at financial records, and everything seems to be accounted for—no large, unexplained sums of money that he could have earned or lost off bets.  It’s possible I missed something, but...if there are still active baiting circles in Pluto, somehow I doubt my father would be invited to join.  The last time he was found out, he gave names.”

Will nodded.  It was unlikely that anyone would trust Midas after he betrayed the last baiting circle.

“No baiting, then,” Will said.  “But you did find out about the ponies.  What else?”

“Well, ponies don’t leave the mines.  Accidents aren’t exactly rare.  The work hours are long—for ponies and humans.  And the pay is barely enough for the workers to feed their families.  Actually, quite a bit of it gets back to my father through taxes, so it’s like he’s hardly paying the workers at all.”

“But Phrygia hardly seems poor,” Will said.  “It’s so clean.”

“He’s willing to spend his tax income on improvements in the city, but I suspect it’s out of vanity rather than concern for Phrygians,” Lityerses explained.  “He pays sanitation workers, then taxes them so much that they may as well have done their jobs for free.  The streets are clean, but the people who live in them are starving.”

“Ni—the Prince told me that your father is well-liked in Pluto.”

“Oh, he is—by the aristocracy and merchant class vying for his favor,” Lityerses said.  “He’s the wealthiest man in Pluto; people know what kind of advantages his friendship can offer.  That’s how he acquired some very powerful connections.”

“And he earned everything off the labor of animals and the poor.”

“Labor, if not their lives,” Lityerses said.  “I did try to ask my father about the ponies once.  I mentioned that I noticed the lifespans were rather short.  He just told me that it was normal for pit ponies and that all mines are that way.  And he’s right—I even checked.  All this?”  Lityerses gestured to the ponies in the stable around them.  “This is happening in mines all over Pluto, Your Highness.  My father isn’t an outlier.  He may be worse than most—that’s why he has the highest profits—but he’s hardly the only guilty party.”

“Gods above,” Will murmured.  “And no one cares?”

“I care,” Lityerses said.  “And you care.  I suspect that the Prince would care, too.  Your Highness, I only just started finding out about all this and I’m hardly a capable researcher, so I know that there are things I’ve missed.  It took me years to deduce everything I’ve told you.  I know I can’t convince my father to change anything and I’ve been too afraid to confront him further because if he stopped trusting me, then there wouldn’t be a way for me to keep investigating.  There is very little I can do.  Even if I could, I wouldn’t know how to start fixing any of this.  You, though—you’re a consor.  You’re the Prince’s husband.  Your aunt is the Matestra.  You can do something.”

Will’s mouth felt dry.  Lityerses was right.

If anything were to change, it had to start with Will.

*   *   *

That realization should have terrified Will.  He was still growing accustomed to the fact that he was a member of the Royal Family and hadn’t quite mentally grasped exactly how much power he now held.  He wasn’t the illegitimate son of a duke anymore.  He was the husband of the future King of Pluto.

But this was exactly why Artemis had arranged for his marriage consultation with Nico in the first place.  Will remembered what his aunt had told him when he expressed his doubt that he’d make a suitable match for a prince— “ You are a consor,” she’d said, “which, I daresay, is exactly what the Royal Family needs.”

There were other consors and sorors acting as advisors in the palace—Reyna, for one—but there was a very clear difference between serving the Royal Family and being a part of it.  And unlike some of the advisors Will had met, he was also a healer, and that had fostered a nurturing quality in him which their personalities lacked.  They made fine partners to discuss theory with, but were too stolid and analytical for Will to enjoy a more casual conversation—with the exception of Reyna, who Will had discovered made quite a good friend.  The rest of the palace advisors were often too concerned with rigid numbers and charts and intellectual discussions to step back and think of people as people or of Pluto as a home for millions of individuals.

But Will—Will not only could, but wanted to make a change.  And it wasn’t just Midas.  It wasn’t just Plutonian mines.  There was Plutonian healthcare, too, and the appalling rate of poverty throughout the country.

Will could change all of it.

His thoughts were interrupted by Zoe’s wet cough jostling the thermometer in her mouth.  He checked the reading and offered her the cup water at her bedside.

“I really hate having my temperature taken,” she said.

“Well, at least we know your fever has gone down,” Will said as he recorded the information in his papers.  “Actually, there are smaller, faster types of thermometers now.  You ought to ask your father to buy one.”

Lityerses sighed from the other side of Zoe’s bed, where he was sitting to watch over his sister while Will tended to her.  “Faster thermometers?” he said.  “Then I’ll never get her to be quiet.  The only time she stops talking is when she’s having her temperature taken.”

Zoe snickered.  “Or when I’m being sick all over my bedsheets.”

“Hopefully, that won’t happen as much anymore,” Will said.  “It’s your sacred duty to annoy your brother.”

Zoe looked like she was about to say something, but then she started coughing again.

“Keep drinking,” Will said.  “I know you don’t want to, but you can’t be healthy without it.”

Zoe was too busy coughing to answer.  When it finally calmed, she took another sip of water.  Will encouraged her to drink more before he took the cup back.

“I hate this,” Zoe whispered, her voice thick with phlegm.

“I know, but this is a good sign,” Will said.  “The cough always gets worse at the end.”

“Then the medicine is working?” Zoe asked.

“Yes, I believe it is,” Will answered.  “You’ll be able to get out of bed soon—definitely by the time I leave at the end of the week.”

“I wonder if you could treat my skin condition, as well,” Zoe said, looking up at Will with large, hopeful eyes.

Will thought carefully before replying.  He’d expected Zoe to ask about that at some point.  Patients with skin conditions always wanted to know how to hide it.  “Right now, I think it’s most important to take care of your illness,” he said.

“Is the rash difficult to treat?”

“No,” Will said.  “It’s actually quite simple.  Unfortunately, the treatment counteracts the medication I’m already giving you.”

“Counteracts?” Zoe repeated.

“Yes, it....”  Will paused, realizing that Zoe didn’t understand what he was saying.  He considered his answer for a moment, then folded his hands in his lap and said, “Zoe, do you know why you have rashes?”

“Because I’m ill,” Zoe answered.

“Your rashes aren’t caused by your illness,” Will said.  “They’re trying to protect you from your illness.”

Zoe frowned.  “I don’t understand.”

“Let me try to explain,” Will said.  “Right now, your body is working very, very hard to keep you healthy.  You’re trying to fight off the sickness inside you.  One of the ways your body fights is by raising your temperature, and that’s why you have a fever.  So your fever isn’t really a bad thing; it’s helping you heal.  Of course, having a fever that’s too high can also be dangerous, so we have to regulate your temperature externally—”  Will stopped, realizing that he was letting himself ramble.  He had a habit of that.  “Anyway, your body also is fighting on the surface of your skin, which is why you get rashes.  Rashes mean that your body is working hard to keep you safe.  Do you understand?”

Zoe nodded.

“Unfortunately, it also means that your body is wasting energy fighting in the wrong place,” Will said.  “But if I try to get rid of your rashes, I would have to make your body weaker, and that’s the opposite of what I want.  The medicine I’m giving you will help your body fight harder.  Unfortunately, this means that your fever will rise and....”

“And my rashes will get worse,” Zoe said.

“Yes,” said Will.  “But once you’re better, your body will be able to stop fighting so hard and the rashes will go away like they always do.”  Will patted her hand.  “It’s late.  You ought to rest now.”

Zoe tucked herself further under the blankets of her bed as Will cleaned and packed up the equipment he’d used.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lityerses smile gently and kiss his sister’s forehead, but by the time he turned around, Lityerses was standing and ready to escort Will back to his chambers.

Lityerses looked surprised when Will invited him for a drink in his room, but he accepted the offer and found a manservant to bring them tea.  Will waited until the servant left them alone with the door shut to ask the question that had been on his mind since their conversation in the mines.

“Does Zoe know?”

Lityerses blew at the steam rising out of his cup.  “No,” he said.  Will waited patiently while Lityerses took a sip.  Lityerses glanced at him and sighed, like he’d hoped Will’s question ended there.  “Zoe’s too young to remember his trial.  I was only twelve at the time and I was confused, so I defended him because I didn’t realize....”  Lityerses paused again and his shoulders dropped.  “He’s my father,” he said.  “It’s not easy to realize that your father isn’t the hero you thought he was.”

“You only knew what you’d been taught.”  Will didn’t say it to be comforting.  He meant it more as an observation than an expression of sympathy.

Lityerses’ eyes looked downwards, focusing on the gold-brown ripples on the surface of his tea.  He didn’t seem to find much relief in Will’s words, either.  “I’d been taught wrong.  I understand that now.  But Zoe isn’t like me—you have to know that.  I had to unlearn everything I knew and completely ruin my image of my father just to be half as kind as her.  I don’t want her to have to go through that.”

“So you want her to live in ignorance?”

Lityerses looked up and met Will’s eyes again.  “You don’t agree with me.”  He didn’t sound accusing.  Instead, he sounded questioning, almost pleading, like he was begging Will for his thoughts and guidance.

“I understand your reasoning, but there are too many secrets in your home, Lityerses,” Will said.  “Your father’s trying to cover everything wrong that’s happening here, his criminal record is being kept from your sister, your sister’s health is a secret, and you can’t voice your objections to your father.”

“And I want to protect Zoe from all that,” Lityerses said.  “At least until she’s older.”

“She’ll start to notice things eventually, just like you did,” Will said.  “I think you ought to talk to her before she does.  You don’t want her to feel like she’s alone.”

Lityerses nodded.  “When she’s older,” he said again.  “And healthier.  Right now she ought to focus on recovering.”

“Good,” Will said.  “And you need to stop hiding from your father.  Nothing good will happen if you allow him to continue what he’s doing.”

“I can’t rebel against him.”

Will raised an eyebrow.  “Can’t you?”

Lityerses’ mouth fell open, but he didn’t say anything.

“I’m not saying you have to rebel,” Will went on.  “But voice your opinions more often.  You have an excuse now—you’re only trying to ensure that the mine follows the guidelines left by the Prince.  Then a little later you can start to have an input on how the city is run, on the taxes, and on ways to use your father’s wealth to help people.  My husband and I are leaving at the end of the week, Lityerses.  Do you want everything to go back to the way it was, or do you want things to change?”

For a long moment, Lityerses remained silent.  Finally, he took a breath and started to speak.

He was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Will heard the click of the handle as he looked up, and there in the doorway stood Nico.

*   *   *

Nico was livid.

He’d been bothered by what had happened that morning all day.  When he met with Midas’ head engineer, he hardly listened to her speak because his mind kept echoing the words he’d snapped at Will for using his given name.  Will hadn’t deserved it, he knew.  He’d been angry for a foolish reason and had lashed out at Will over a minor offence.  And the sight of Will’s face?  He had never looked at Nico with a gaze so cold.

Nico hadn’t gotten the chance to speak with Will since he arrived back at the estate after being in the mines all day.  He had barely looked at Nico over dinner and he’d once again declined the invitation to meet with Midas.  He wanted to read, he’d said.

And then, when Nico went to Will’s rooms to apologize for that morning, he’d found Will not reading, but instead sharing tea with Lityerses.  Lityerses, of all people.

“Your Highness,” Will said.  There was still a hint of that steely, guarded air around him, but he smiled at Nico.  Nico, however, was too furious to care.

“Don’t you think it’s time for you to retire, Lityerses?” Nico said sharply.  “It’s awfully late to be in a room alone with another man’s husband.”

The guarded air came crashing back around Will.

Lityerses quickly got to his feet.  “Yes, Your Highness, my apologies,” he said, and he left the room with short goodbye to Will.  Nico shut the door behind him.

“Why was he here?”

“Because I invited him,” Will answered calmly.

Nico blinked.  “You what?”

“I invited him,” Will repeated.  He took a sip of tea.

“Invited?”

“Yes, Your Highness.  I believe that is what I said.”

Nico’s jaw clenched.  “Do not tease me now, Will,” he snapped.  “And you did the same thing this morning, too!  You sought out Midas alone.  I asked you very clearly not to be alone with them.”

“No, you didn’t.”  Will set his tea down on the table beside him, right next to the one Lityerses had left behind, and folded his hands primly in his lap.  “All you told me was to be careful around Midas.”

“And Lityerses is just as bad as his father!  You knew that I didn’t trust him.  Don’t pretend you didn’t.”

Will tapped his fingers on his knee once.  “I think that Lityerses must have given you a bad impression when you met,” he said slowly.

“What?  Don’t be ridiculous—”

“Really, Nico,” Will said, fixing him with a tired, annoyed glare.  “He’s helping me with the ponies.  He approached me and said that he’d heard I was hard on his father about their welfare, then he gave me some information he thought I might like to know.  If you had simply asked instead of accusing me as soon as—”

“It’s a trap,” Nico said.  It didn’t even bear thinking about.  “Midas must have set him up to it.”

Will sighed like he was dealing with a difficult child.  “Why can’t you entertain the possibility that Lityerses is better than his father?”

“Because he’s not!”

“Is this because he’s a failed suitor?”

Nico’s blood at once went icy, and then just as suddenly was hot with fury.  Will knew.  He knew what Lityerses’ family had done, he knew that Nico hated being reminded of his failures as a suitor, and Will knew, somehow, that Lityerses had been offered to him—a memory that Nico had tried very hard to forget.  “Do you think,” Nico growled, “—do you think that this is some petty grudge?”

“Nico—”

“Because I must have been such a horrid suitor, is that it?  After all, how is it possible that I failed every attempt at courting until you came along?  Clearly— clearly it must have been my fault.  Clearly there must have been something wrong with me because it simply isn’t possible for all my suitors to have been so awful.  Surely I was immature, saw the worst in everyone, purposely sabotaged every arrangement—”

“Nico—”

“So obviously, if I ever speak ill of someone who was offered as a potential fiancé, then I must be wrong about them.  It’s all in my head, isn’t it?  I know that’s what everyone’s thinking.”

“I wasn’t trying to—”

“Yes, you were, Will.  You were.”  Nico turned away before Will could answer.  “Goodnight,” he said as he left.  He heard Will call his name just as he slammed the door shut.

Next

[amidalasmistress]

You Were Never Gone || Duncan Shepherd x Reader

pairing; Duncan Shepherd x Reader

summary; After a failed assassination attempt on the president, Duncan’s wife and the president’s daughter (reader) suffers from amnesia after a harsh fall.

warnings; angst, mentions of brain damage and memory loss, & swearing

a/n; I thought of this story this morning while getting Dunkin’ Donuts. I apologize.

words; 4,562

reference; You Were Never Gone by Hannah Ellis

-

Duncan sat in his apartment, gazing out of a window. Watching as the rain left tears rolling down the glass. The day was rather dull. The air smelled of thick petrichor. Some may find it soothing to the senses, normally Duncan would but, not today. All he could think of was the woman he had lost. His best friend, his love, his wife. Y/N was her name. Beautiful, absolutely stunning. Especially when she smiled. Oh god did Duncan miss that smile.

It had been a full year since the assassination attempt on the president that ended up damaging the president’s daughter. The president was in the middle of a rally, one in which Y/N had attended. Standing pretty at her mother’s side. Duncan could only watch from a tv monitor across the country. He watched as the first shot was fired. He watched as his Y/N fell off the stage shortly before they cut the footage. Instantly Duncan had a private helicopter fly him to D.C. Duncan can remember the air that day. Dry and extremely thin. It was hard to get in a full breath anyways. Immediately his mind went to the worst possibility. He could lose Y/N without saying goodbye. The fear of losing her clenched around his heart as he watched her heart monitor.

Y/N was out for days. Days that Duncan refused to leave the hospital. No matter how many times his mother or Claire had advised him to. He was always at her side. Holding her hand. Reading to her. Begging for her to wake up. And she did. She woke up. Duncan couldn’t remember a time when he had been so happy. The only memories that could come close was her saying yes to his proposal of marriage and when they actually tied the knot. Duncan remembered falling to his knees and thanking the universe for bringing her back to him. He remembered looking back at her after she had finally opened her eyes only to see her watching him in absolute confusion. Then the doctor, followed by some nurses, had entered her room. Examining her and asking her questions on how she felt.

“I feel fine,” her voice was groggy from days of endless sleep. “It’s just my head. I have a massive headache.”

“Hey, baby,” Duncan made a move to touch her but she flinched away. “I’ve missed you.”

She only continued to look at him as if he were a stranger, “And who are you?”

Duncan’s heart dropped. The doctor and nurses stopped what ever they were doing there and then.

He let out a laugh, “Come on, Y/N. Don’t mess with me.”

“Uh,” she raised an eyebrow. “I have no idea who you are, sir.”

Duncan felt his stomach hit the floor and his chest cave as he looked to the doctor, who was watching the scene unfold before his very eyes. He remembered when they told him that she had hit her head when she fell. That it was slightly possible that she may wake with some sort of brain damage. Slightly. Slightly. Only slightly.

Duncan remembered when they had asked him to step outside while they asked her questions. What she can or cannot remember. They tested her reflexes and balance. His mother had arrived in the waiting room, holding his hand as they waited for him to be called back in. Claire had arrived with her security shortly after Annette had. Keeping her distance from them. She never approved of Duncan for her daughter. And she always had a hateful relationship with his mother. She kept her distance to avoid any arguments.

“Mr. Shepherd,” the doctor had called out.

Claire raced to the doctor before Duncan stood. “How is she doing? Is she feeling okay? Is there something wrong? What’s happening to my daughter?”

“I’m sorry, Madam President,” the doctor looked past her to Duncan. “She only gave me permission to talk to her husband.”

Claire looked to Duncan like he had cheated her at something. Duncan never cared for Claire’s spiteful looks and he especially didn’t care now. Annette patted him on the back before he walked with the doctor down to outside Y/N’s room. With only the door between him and his life, Duncan still felt the world desperately trying to keep them apart.

“Well, Mr. Shepherd,” the doctor put his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. “I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which of the two would you like to hear first?”

Duncan swallowed, “Just tell me, doc. Is my wife okay?”

“Mr. Shepherd, your wife does not remember you. She does not remember the rally. She does not remember anything past the age of nineteen.”

Duncan was at a loss of words. The words “your wife does not remember you” played over and over and over in his mind. Was his hearing okay? Was he imagining things from the lack of sleep? Was he laying on the floor of his apartment after passing out at the sight of his wife dropping off the stage? The sound of his heartbeat cancelled out any other sounds. The thoughts, the sound, the reality was all too much for him to handle.

His stomach twisted in discomfort, “Wha-Wha-…How?”

“Sir, it seems that, due to the impact her head made with the ground, your wife is suffering from a concussion. Which her amnesia is a symptom of.”

“Amnesia?” Duncan took a step back. He was, in no way, prepared to hear that term when describing his wife’s current state. “How long? Is it temporary?”

“We can’t say, Mr. Shepherd,” the doctor bowed his head. “There is a possibility that your wife may never recover from this but, there’s also a chance she may remember. Only time will tell. I’m sorry.”

That was the day Duncan Shepherd’s life had turned upside down.

Duncan had devoted his time to research upon research on how to trigger her memory’s restoration. He made special trips to the White House, where she had been staying since being released from the hospital, to bring her the flowers that decorated the wedding venue and their reception. He would specially spray himself in the cologne she favored on him. Still nothing. It had now been seven months since the news of her amnesia. Claire grew tired of his visits and limited to him only having a few hours with her five days a week. At least she was still giving him a chance to restore her memory but, Claire thought her amnesia was a perfect way to get rid of him.

“I finally found the band that played our song at our wedding, Y/N,” Duncan was anxiously putting the CD they had made for him into his laptop. “Maybe this might help.”

“What if it doesn’t?” Y/N began to grow irritated with herself. She wanted so badly to remember for him and the woman she was before the incident. She hated watching him try so hard with all of these different smells, people, sounds, fabrics, touches only for his efforts to fail. He was too nice. He deserved his wife back. But she was gone.

“Just let me try, please,” Duncan’s voice shook. “I need to try. If I don’t, I’ll be left with nothing.”

Y/N nodded and he pressed play. The band had a special message to the both of them in the beginning:

“Hey man. We’re sorry to hear about your situation. We’re also glad that you had reached out to us for this. We’ve watched the wedding tape and memorized every note and beat. Hopefully, we can bring your wife’s memory back. You two were the most beautiful couple we had ever played for. So in love and happy. Well, I’ll shut up now and play. Here it goes.”

They played the song perfectly. If Duncan closed his eyes, he would’ve been transported back to that day. To dancing with his wife during their first dance. Looking into her eyes and wondering how he had been so lucky. What ever had made her choose him out of anyone, he would never understand. She was so pure. So perfect. She deserved more than what this world could ever give her. And because the world was so jealous of such a beautiful, untouchable creature, the world had done this to her.

Once the song had finished, Duncan looked to Y/N, wide-eyed and hopeful. She wasn’t looking at him though. She only looked to the ground, fidgeting with her fingers and tears in her eyes. She hadn’t remembered.

“Hey, hey,” Duncan bent down in front of her, caressing her face. “It’s okay. I can try to find something else.”

“No, Duncan,” she snapped. “Just stop. Please stop.”

“Y/N, I can’t lose you,” his voice was still shaking and tears burned behind his eyes. “I can’t-“

“She’s gone, Duncan,” the words like poison on her tongue. “I can’t bring her back. The woman you knew is gone. When are you going to realize that?”

Duncan let a tear fall and she wiped it away before she stood. The worst fear he had was of losing her and he most likely had. He was certain his heart had stopped beating for a few moments. He can’t lose her. How would he cope without her? She was his life. Without her, he might as well be dead. Although he had high hopes for her memories to return, if she couldn’t remember him, they could always press the restart button. Make new memories.

“Well, maybe,” Duncan stood and went over to the window where she was now. “Maybe we can try a new relationship. We are still married after all. We can start fresh and-“

“Duncan,” her head hung low, tears streaming down her face. “We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want a relationship that begins with someone trying to fix me when I’m not broken,” she moved to across the room now. “I’m not broken, Duncan. I just can’t remember. And I’m so sorry that I can’t because you are…so amazing,” her voice cracked from how hard she was crying now. “You deserve to have your wife back. You deserve someone who remembers all of those beautiful memories. You deserve…so much better than this.”

“Don’t give up on me, Y/N,” Duncan raced over to her. “I’ll never stop trying. I need you. You. No one else.”

“I hate myself, Duncan!”

The world had seemed to close around them. She hated herself? Duncan never realized that his efforts would have this effect on her. He stumbled back a bit. Feeling like he had just been slapped in the face.

“I hate myself because I’m the one doing this to you,” Y/N breathed. “I don’t want to be the cause of anyone’s pain. You’ve been nothing but great and I truly don’t know what I had done to deserve you,” she took a few steps towards him now, her hand resting on his upper arm. “But, I can’t do this anymore. I need to breathe. I need you to stop.”

Duncan had only one question on his mind, “Well,…what about us?”

“Oh, Duncan,” she shook her head, resting her hand at her side now. “Our marriage ended the moment I had woken up in that hospital. I think it’s time to-“

“Don’t say it,” Duncan backed away, remembering the annulment papers that had been delivered to the apartment two months ago. “Do not fucking say it, Y/N. You know I can’t."

“It’s over, Duncan,” her lip trembled. “You need to move on.”

“I can’t move on,” he rushed to gently grab her by her arms. “You’re it for me. You’re the only one for me.”

Y/N backed away, turning her back to face him. The sound of his heart shattering filled the room, “Just go, Duncan. Go home and sign the papers. It’s what’s best for the both of us.”

Right then her head of security had opened the door. Looking at Duncan like he needed to be removed immediately. As if he had been an insect roaming the house and outsmarting them every time they went to catch him. Duncan’s thoughts went numb and he had forgotten how to breathe. That was it. That was the end of all things good in the world.

It had been four months since he last saw her. The papers still sitting on his countertop. The thought of them being in the same building made him sick let alone his apartment. He occasionally turned on the television to watch for any updates. He knew he couldn’t rely on Claire to tell him whether her daughter had remembered something or not. After a few meltdowns, Duncan had convinced himself that he was crazy for even thinking that there was any slight possibility that she’d come back to him. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to sign the papers. He’d stand at his counter, pen in hand, trying to talk himself into doing it but, he couldn’t. If he had signed them, it would mean that he was giving up. Which, was something Duncan refused to do with anything. That’s how he had gotten Y/N to go out with him for the first time.

Duncan had assured himself that he had waited long enough. Today was the day that he would put the pen to paper. Signing away his marriage as if it were nothing. Their marriage would no longer exist. Those three years of happiness erased with just the stroke of a fucking pen.

After staring long and hard out the window for seven hours, he finally stood. Stretching out his legs before walking over to where his kitchen was located. Pen in hand. He slid the papers to where they were right in front of him. He stared long and hard at her signature. Duncan was numb. He had been numb for so long, he couldn’t remember how it felt to be alive. Only memories of living. He was now a ghost. Lifeless.

Taking in one big inhale, he signed. His stomach hallowing as his hand moved to write out his inscription. Once he finished, he threw the pen across the living room and made his way over to his bedroom. He had decided that he would mail it out later on. But, first, he needed to sleep. Sleep off all of the thoughts and feelings that pressed him into this shell of hopelessness. Just like that, Duncan had signed his marriage away.

-

Four and a half months had gone by since Y/N had last seen or spoken to Duncan Shepherd. She had given herself time to breathe before returning to the public eye. Her mother ranting and raving about how her husband still hadn’t signed or even sent out the papers. Y/N couldn’t blame him. The love he had for her was one she had only seen in movies and she couldn’t really cherish it. She couldn’t remember him. She couldn’t be the woman he had fallen in love with. How time could be erased at a swift blow to the head, Y/N was amazed. Yet, her heart had felt empty and, quite frankly, gone. Although she had grown close to Duncan, all she saw when he was with her was how restless he was trying to bring her memories back. She couldn’t build a love off of being a burden to someone. No matter how many times he had reassured her otherwise.

It was a seemingly sunny day after it had been raining for weeks. She was surprised that D.C. hadn’t become an ocean. Y/N had been up for hours bingeing some tv show she had forgotten the name of. She wasn’t even paying attention to what was happening on the screen. She just had it on to keep her mind busy. Her mother was gone at some meeting at the Capitol.

The male head of her security had entered the room after a few warning knocks. Y/N paused the tv and sat up, “Good morning, Shamus.”

“G’morning, Miss Y/N,” he stood near the sitting area, hands folded before him. “Your mother has asked me to see if you were awake and, if so, to send for breakfast.”

“Breakfast sounds good,” Y/N smiled. “But, can we try something different? Everyone keeps on bringing me Starbucks when I really don’t like it anymore.”

“Your mother had assured us that Starbucks was your favorite, miss,” Shamus adjusted his shoulders. “But, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you,” Y/N excused him with a nod. “And I would like donuts rather than breakfast biscuits or burritos.”

Y/N had started on another episode as time went by. Her stomach rumbling for something warm and sweet in her belly. Shamus had only been gone for twenty minutes and it had seemed like forever.

“Here you go,” Shamus had re-entered the room, a brown paper bag in his hand. “I sent out for some Dunkin’ Donuts.”

Y/N couldn’t remember the last time she had Dunkin’ Donuts. Maybe the last memory was located in the time that she had forgotten, “Thank you, Shamus.”

She took the bag and, like a flash, she saw Duncan Shepherd bringing her the same kind of bag accompanied by an eye-roll. She saw her hands take the bag from him, her wedding ring flashing in the sunlight. The smell of the donuts making her even hungrier. Shamus must’ve noticed for he gave her a look of concern.

“Is everything alright, miss?”

“Yeah,” she blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just-“

Y/N hurried to open the bag, the smell of the paper triggering another memory of Duncan sitting at a table with her. Pulling out the wrapped food and setting down a box of a dozen donuts. She remembered him sliding the hot chocolate he had bought her because she hated the taste of coffee. Y/N brought out a donut and took a large bite of it. It all hit her as she chewed. She fell back onto the couch as if someone had pushed her.

Memory after memory flooding in like a crowd waiting to be let into a storm shelter as a hurricane was vastly approaching. Their first date, god Duncan looked so damn good in a suit. She felt so underdressed and reticent. She normally wasn’t shy around Duncan Shepherd but, she definitely was that night. Maybe because they had pulled a Romeo and Juliet with their feuding families. She remembered how they kept their relationship hidden until Duncan had proposed. Flashes of them sneaking away to a nearby closet or office to have discreet sexual encounters. Only he made the heat rise in her belly so hot it was irresistible.

She remembered how he wanted her to organize their wedding into her dream wedding. He didn’t care how big or small or what decorated what, just as long as she would be his. Their honeymoon, however, he had planned in secret. She had no idea where they were going. It was a dream of hers to go to Bora Bora but, even though she had the money to go, she didn’t go until their honeymoon. The pilot of their private jet was given instructions to not say where they were going until they had landed on Tahitian soil.

Y/N let tears out as she swallowed down the bite she had taken out of the delicious pastry, “Oh my god,” she put her fingers to her mouth, Shamus looked ready to help her if she had been poisoned. “I remember,” Shamus froze as if he had just witnessed a miracle. “I remember everything.”

-

“You should come out with us tonight, Mr. Shepherd,” his secretary, Jen, had interrupted his train of thought. “Come have some fun for once.”

Duncan smiled at her gesture to get him out of going home to his lonely apartment after work, “No thanks, Jen. You guys go. Have fun. I’d only be in the way of having a good time.”

Duncan had hired Jen shortly after he and Y/N were married. She was the most competent secretary he had ever had. She handled everything when Duncan missed work for weeks following his wife’s injury. Jen had also befriended Y/N. She’d send his wife lunch when he was in a business meeting with a message for her regarding his work day. Jen was like a sister to both Duncan and Y/N.

“I don’t like seeing you like this, Duncan,” she pulled her coat over her shoulders. “You should get out once in a while. What do you do when you get home anyways?”

“I’m fine, Jen,” Duncan gripped his briefcase in his hand. “Really.”

“What ever you say,” she turned off her desk lamp. “You have my number in case you change your mind. We’d really love for you to join us.”

“Thank you,” Duncan locked the door of his office behind him. “Have a nice time tonight, Jen. You deserve it after all of your hard work.”

The Shepherd Foundation building closed early due to Easter being the next day. Duncan would rather work than be home though. He never thought he’d feel that way until…until everything. He and Jen walked out of the building and into the blinding daylight. She had placed a kiss on his cheek before walking over to her car.

Duncan watched his feet as he walked along the pavement to his ride until he saw someone standing near the car. His head shot up to see Y/N. She was wearing leggings and a baggy, purple t-shirt. She looked like she had been running. The sight of her was beyond the point of satisfaction. Even if she didn’t remember him. He had remembered her. All too well. Every feature. Every hair that poked out of her skin. He knew her more than he could ever know himself. And she had a familiar look on her face.

“Hey,” he said after an eternity of not speaking to her. “I’m sorry about the papers. I’ll send them soon.”

“Oh,” she took a step back. “I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have come.”

“Wait a second,” Duncan called to her before she turned completely around. “Why are you here?”

“Well,” she shrugged, walking towards him now. “I wanted to see how you were doing. We were so close this past year. I just thought-“

“That we could be friends?”

“No,” Y/N shook her head. She didn’t know how to approach him. How to make her visit appropriate. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a bench. A bench she hadn’t noticed before even though she passed it every time she had visited him at work. “Can we sit? I want to hear about your day. I want to just…catch up. Is that okay?”

Duncan felt the long gone feeling of happiness flutter in his stomach, “Yeah. Of course.”

They sat on the bench as Duncan had filled her in on his day and how the past four and a half months had been. Y/N watched him as he spoke. How his blue eyes shined with the sun. His hair somewhat tame except for a loose curl that hung in his face. He was the same. The exact same man she had fallen so deeply in love with. The man she had forgotten and remembered with a bite of Dunkin’ fucking Donuts. He was so beautiful. Like the gods had crafted him to ultimate perfection. She watched as he would occasionally reach up to scratch at his stubble. Oh god how she had missed his stubble. The feeling of it scratching along her neck and, her favorite, thighs. She almost gave away the reason why she was there so many times while he was filling her in. But, this was too good. She had him. And she had him good.

“How have you been?” He asked her after he had finished speaking. “Anything new?”

Y/N nearly started laughing, “Not really. Although I am supposed to be making my first official public appearance in three days. I’m doing good though. I have this dinner to attend tonight but, I wanted to see you first.”

“Well, that’s nice of you,” Duncan smiled. Y/N’s heart worshipped that fucking smile. “We should go,” he stood, offering a hand to help her up. “I don’t want to keep you from getting ready for tonight.”

“Right, of course,” she smiled as she took his hand. His touch sending warmth throughout her. “It was nice seeing you though. I’m glad you’re doing okay.”

“Same here,” Duncan flinched as she reached up to brush the curl back and out of his face. That was something he was only used to his wife doing.

“Well,” she took a step back. A smirk itching at her lips. “I’ll see you around,…Donut.” She turned around and began to walk away very slowly.

Duncan, on the other hand, stood there. Frozen. His mind trying to wrap around what the fuck just happened. First she brushed his loose curl back. Something no one even attempted to do other than his wife. Then, she called him “Donut”. A nickname she had given him after joking about his name and the popular food chain. “Donut”, “Donut”, only his Y/N…called him “Donut”…

Y/N felt him take her arm and jerk her back around. His lips immediately pressing to hers. Tears of relief fell from her eyes. Her arms wrapped around him to pull him closer and he did the same to pull her in even closer. The familiar electricity igniting their heart rate as they continued to reunite in this form of affection. His Y/N was back. She was finally fucking back.

“When?” he breathlessly pulled away.

“Today,” she pressed her forehead to his. “Like an hour ago.”

“Oh god,” he pressed his lips to hers again, his stomach dropping like he was on a rollercoaster. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

She laughed, “What can I say? I’m dramatic.”

Duncan could only repeatedly kiss her. She had finally returned to him. Tears streaming down his face. Wet paths outlining the shape of his smile. It seemed impossible.

“Don’t you,” Duncan interrupted himself by kissing her again, “ever,” kiss, “do that,” kiss, “to me again.”

Duncan had kissed her so many times it felt like their lips would fall off. Neither of them cared though. They’ve been craving this touch for a long, long time now.

“I’m sorry,” she was crying, brushing her fingers throughout his hair. “I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry that I couldn’t remember.”

“Don’t apologize,” he shook his head, pressing his forehead to hers once again. “You’re here. You’re back.”

She looked up into his eyes, it was like looking into the ocean, “I was never gone. I just needed some donuts.”

Duncan couldn’t help but laugh, “What?”

“Apparently,” she smiled as she swallowed. “All I needed was some Dunkin’ Donuts.”

“Dammit,” Duncan threw his head back out of frustration, she laughed at the action. “Why didn’t I think of that before?”

“Well,” she cocked her head to the side, biting the inside of her lip. “You did always hate the references.”

“Fuck me, Y/N,” he pressed his lips to hers again. Relishing in the fact that he finally has the love of his life back. “You were never gone.”

“No,” she shook her head. “I was just waiting for my Donut."