#as it is i am not fit to live alone.
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drawnecromancysdiary · 10 months ago
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Mmmmmmmh i really need to figure out how to cure my pure hatred for cooking
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ioannemos · 24 days ago
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latest dream idea: what if anakin and obi-wan swapped origins? kinda, anyway (this is the kind of thing i'm honestly surprised i haven't already mused on to death, tbh)
the age gap was smaller - anakin was still younger, maybe 10, but obi-wan was like 15 (in canon obi-wan is what, 24? 25 when he meets nine-year-old anakin? so that's 14/15 years rather than like. 5). ("you're the closest thing i have to a father" says anakin. "then why don't you listen to me??" asks frustrated teen parent obi-wan lol oh no.) ANYWAY they weren't on tatooine either, but a similarly lawless place and there was still racing of some type and obi-wan was a racer. also no shmi 😒 i wonder if she was still anakin's mom and he'd just been found earlier?? could be. don't remember that part
the main thing i remember is obi-wan being all alone in this scary place, effectively faking an exit when he was otherwise going to be... idk, beat up i think? and i was briefly in qui-gon's place while following where he'd really gone and telling him quietly where to find me later. and a definite determination to save him
which i understand, as someone who loves obi-wan dearly, but idk what your thought process is here, qui-gon! bc if nine was too old i think everyone is going to think you have legit lost your mind walking in with someone halfway through his teens! and he ain't even a candidate for chosen one! there's defiance and then there's delusion, and then there's whatever this is
the dream ended before that became relevant, tho. so now i get to chew on a slightly more plausible swap... 🤔
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mithomite · 7 months ago
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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pinchan · 7 months ago
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feeling a lot of emotions lying on the bed of my own private room that i paid all by myself
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noctilionoidea · 1 year ago
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okay I doubt this will make sense to a good amount of people but I just realised autism (for me) is like playing hockey in figure skates.
You can skate, and you can still play the game with the people around you, but you have to figure out and learn work arounds because the skates are fundamentally different. It may not be different enough to be noticeable to others from a first glance. The frozen pond is the same. The sticks are fine. The puck is a puck. But your movements are jerky because you don’t have the right skates. You try to adapt to the right skates, but it just feels wrong (even if they’re just like your rollerblades, the purpose and environment is different). So when you play with people who have the right equipment, who can use it to the best of their abilities, you seem slower and are fumbling around. Your movements are different, clunkier. You aren’t doing as good but you’re having fun! In some sort of form you are playing hockey, not like the NHL or anything, but you’re having a good time and are playing by the rules set. Maybe though, you get really good at playing hockey in figure skates. But then you get worn out trying to accommodate for the issues you do have, and you have to go skate off to do figure eights or just leisurely gliding.
But with autism, you can’t just nope out and be fine. When you only feel comfortable using figure skates and you play hockey with your family, your younger sibling may mock you for being too clunky. But there’s still an understanding that your skates aren’t just made for that and the workarounds take a lot out. That’s not possible in school or work. So sticking with the skating metaphor, you’re forced to keep playing and your mind is trying to control the body while thinking of your next move and your eyes are on the puck, and next think you know you’re head first in a snowbank.
but this isn’t really a disability, because you can still do it, right?
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hecksupremechips · 8 months ago
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Minor thing that really irks me is when people treat the femc route in p3 portable as like the lesser story or like it’s a fanfic where nothing that happens in it is the “true” canon like. Bitch. The femc and everything that happens in her version of the story is just as canon as the male protagonist and everything that happens in his story. And there’s literally been so many fucking versions of p3 at this point like the base game, fes, portable, the movies, stage plays, reload, as well as spinoffs and manga and they all do things differently. I don’t see anyone acting like the base game is more canon than, say, reload so why do they do this with portable? Why can’t the (infinitely superior) version with the female protagonist just be respected for five fucking minutes goddamn
#persona#persona 3#kotone shiomi#its the misogyny yay#but god i am so tired of her game being treated as not actually canon like it literally is#theres multiple canons dipshit there is no true version of this game#and also people saying she doesnt fit the theme or some shit like. she literally does??? and honestly she does it better#like you can really feel the love she brings to the group and how she gives everything life and helps everyone#but also just how it all comes with pain she smiles and befriends everyone but shes always been so deeply alone and she doesnt want anyone#to feel the pain shes felt and so she carries all those burdens on her own and when everyone goes to reach out for her#its too late far too late shed sacrifice herself over and over for these people and theyll never once see her cry#she also you know. actually has good social links and gets to know everyone not just people she wants fuck#so you get to see just infinitely better versions of every character with her she really does bring out the best in them#and another thing in particular with the disrespect of her story is the way shinji living is treated again just like#some kinda fanfic au by someone who didnt wanna cope with their blorbo dying like ughh#shinji surviving is just as canon as him dying there is an entire canon where he gets a happy ending and it is once again#much better than versions where he dies like ive. exhausted myself with explaining it but its just better#so yeah basically out of spite i like acting like kotones story is actually the one true canon#and when people mention stuff that isnt in her story im like ‘huh? what? that didnt happen’#cuz whos gonna stop me
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threnodians · 3 days ago
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got home from work earlier only to discover that my father is home which has legitimately ruined all of my fucking plans for tonight and definitely ruins all of my plans for tomorrow and tuesday and wednesday 🙃
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tamagotchikgs · 23 days ago
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i smacked my stomach in frustration & it reverberated so loud my cats fucking SC ATT E R ED ,,,,,,,,,,,,, i am but a gong. , ,,
#but guess whos finally making their pizza anyways when they should b in a hole decaying#i can barely even remember the past few days#only that they were failures#and im a failure && i am so Dirty#my acid reflux is going crazy i know it must have been bad o(-<#i still feel so disconnected#i think im a bit better#it doesnt feel like someone elses ghost snuck in nd is trying 2 pilot me but didnt know what to do with what they found anymore#i wish going out didnt do that to me#it comes in it sets me up but then i ruin it all . but then it ruins all of what i have back because it doesnt belong here. it doesnt work.#it doesnt fit. and now#im just stuck scared#alone#trying to get back to who i am#i feel so wrong#i am so Wrong#gonna watch jerma and hope it eases me back in but#its like my body thinks it can take from everything and make me fit but it cant its so distorted nd im always left back where we started#it takes from everything i hate#everyone i hate#just to seem like a person#and it makes me harm everything i have#and it feels so wrong the entire time but it has me#and i cant get free and i hate i . its like its supposed to be safe but it isnt#i forgot what it feels like i forgot it existed#it used to happen all the time when i was younger like 13-14 when things got real bad but it feels like the memories exist in a diff world#im deleting spotify again i forgot how music harms me HBJA.. i think it was the mix of going out n then losing myself listening to music#for Hours. it got its claws in me and then boiled me out and dug Deeper & deeper#i remember talking to my therapist about it once but she didnt understand. its like . an overwhelming sense of false clarity#how do i live when this is what happens when i try . do i get a chance to get out . is it just bc im alone. is it just im the same then&now
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jimkirkachu · 2 years ago
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day 12,256 of the world missing out on a far better existence if only I had never existed
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kitom-kortil · 8 months ago
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Whether or not someone is queer is not your fucking decision nor business. You are not permitted to label a living breathing fucking person queer or not queer just cuz u think they "do queer things". Shut the fuck up you sound fucking stupid. That is none of your goddamn business. It will never be your fucking business. Back the fuck up. Jesus christ dude
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iniziare · 5 months ago
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Tag drop: Solas
#solas. [ what would you have had me say? that i was the great adversary in your people's mythology? ]#solas: ic. [ the dread wolf inspired hope in my friends and fear in my enemies. not unlike “inquisitor” i suppose. ]#solas: inquiries. [ let me help you. / you cannot. there is no glory here. only a price that i alone will pay. ]#solas: countenance. [ i was solas first. “fen'harel” came later. an insult i took as as a badge of honor. ]#solas: introspection. [ war breeds fear. fear breeds a desire for simplicity. good and evil. right or wrong. chains of command. ]#solas: meta. [ just remember; an enemy can attack but only an ally can betray you. betrayal is always worse. ]#solas: little notes. [ but nature is and always has been; grey. a spirit is a purpose. a demon is that purpose perverted. ]#solas: wishes. [ i walk the din'anshiral. there is only death on this journey. i would not have you see what i become. ]#solas: etc. [ i have people; seeker. the greatest triumphs and tragedies this world has known can all be traced to people. ]#solas: mythal. [ they killed her. a crime for which an eternity of torment is the only fitting punishment. ]#solas: elvhenan. [ imagine beings who lived forever for whom magic was as natural as breathing. that is what was lost. ]#solas: fade. [ everything is a memory; they are easily muddied. they contain truths but reason and sense are required to extract it. ]#solas: skyhold. [ there is a place that waits for a force to hold it. there is a place where the inquisition can build… grow. ]#solas: inquisition. [ you created a powerful organization. and now it suffers the inevitable fate of such; betrayal and corruption. ]#solas: inquisitor. [ you would risk everything you have in the hope that the future is better? what if it isn't? ]#solas: vhenan. [ what is the old dalish curse? “may the dread wolf take you”? ]#solas: dorian. [ is that a problem for you? / no. no. you're a special and unique snowflake. live the dream. ]#solas: varric. [ you know what i like about you? your boundless optimism. / it's comforting that what qualities i lack; you invent. ]#solas: cassandra. [ i am impressed by your honesty and faith. it is a difficult path; but if anyone can walk it honourably. you can. ]#solas: cole. [ never forget your purpose; cole. it is a noble one. even if this world does not understand. ]#solas: vivienne. [ i leave you with the greatest curse of my people. dirthara ma. / what rustic curse is that? / 'may you learn.' ]#solas: blackwall. [ you have seen a great deal of battle. / we all have. / not like you. you live and breathe war. it's home to you. ]#solas: sera. [ i suppose now you’ll switch to how i’m the same but different? / you are the furthest from what you were meant to be. ]#solas: bull. [ what you think is what you say and do. / even peasants may find freedom in the safety of thought; you take even that. ]
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toytulini · 7 months ago
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really irritating that the avenue of communication i keep open bc i pay the phone bill keeps using it to inundate me with fucking Ads?
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#toy txt post#I DONT WANT A NEW PHONE. I DONT WANT AI. LEAVE ME ALONE UNLESS THERE IS A FUCKING PROBLEM. GO DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE#@both SAMSUNG AND VERIZON. ROT#the best part is that they ALSO keep sending me shit like 'agree to opt in to whatever the fuck new terms and conditions to continue#recieving offers! LAST CHANCE!#it never is the last chance and not interacting with it or actively opting in somehow never makes them stop sending me the fucking#offers! youre a liar and piece of shit#youre not getting my fucking s10. im not trading in jack shit. i will keep it until it is fucking bricked#i still have my old HTC one maxx or whatever and i am only now considering send that to some sort of erecycling place if i can#bc it is reaching fully non functional levels despite turning on still so ig i should wipe it and see if it can be taken apart and things#reused. hopefully. i know its inefficient and expensive to do that but idk i think maybe we're looking at the cost wrong. idk. no nvm#i was gonna say maybe it doesnt have to be if you actually valued the human lives youre throwing into the precious metals mines#but quite frankly it does feel like theyre gonna make it cheaper to recycle parts by doing the exact same shit and juat having someone they#see as worth less as a human being paid pennies to hunch over a stupid bricked device and pull miniscule amounts of precious metals out#instead of the mines. that might be marginally better working conditions than The Mines idk. theyll find a way to make cruelty the point#tho im sure. god#also#256gb???? 256gb??? are you fucking kidding me??? die#the s10 has over 500 and ive discovered i CAN in fact fit 1tb microSD card. rot and die. you are nothing to me. useless.
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thedeadthree · 2 years ago
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lila thoughts under the read more <3 🥀✨🌹🎸
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lila getting with griffin / g reign and having their little thing in “secret” not only bc it’s what her parents did to each other to get back at the other for slights and arguments but also bc she wanted to not only get back at seven but also to be like “oo look at me i can pull griffin freaking reign i won teehee.” and then the clown catches real feelings for griffin and calls jazz near in tears bc she’s just like her mom 🥀✨🎸🤡 and using someone she loves to get back at someone who she loved may or may not have even loved (i think she did but loved more the idea ? it’s complicated!) but loved the IDEA of seven loving her? dear you know it everyone knows it you want to be loved so bad!!!!!! the sooner you admit that lila the sooner you’ll be much happier my love! so excited to see where things go for her ! and things for her and her beloved g!!!!!
(x) for the divider <3
#oc: lilia laurent#long tags bc lila brainrot I APOLOGIZE 🥀✨😭 (i need to rb that ask game i need to yell about these dears🌹❣️!!!)#baby girl you literally wrote to live and die in la / aka gibson girl by ethel bc you wanted griffin to HEAR IT and pique his interest like#AND YOU DIDNT THINK YOU WOULD FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM???? and it’s the song you auditioned with too?#and jazz was likely like UHH I SAW THIS COMING ! she’s literally lilas voice of reason soizjxxh#caroline catch lila calling halle too at like 3 am sosjjzhx in the bathroom of griffins trailer akzjjzjx she’s a hot mess !!!!!! truly!#she has a panic moment because she’s just like her mother and now has to face to consequences of her actions! yikes!#i think she owns up to it you know? god i want to write a fic of that so bad too AHH#i am still going to be gaming HARD for vic and her to be friends at the end of it all u know?#and some more lore that’s a tad unrelated but maybe has some insight into why she does what she does to cope with things?#her parents spent more time socializing with their friends and playing mind games traveling and the etc then being parents to her?#so she spent a lot of time in beautiful homes alone throwing parties as they did because she was bored and that’s what they did too?#for someone who didn’t want to be her aristocratic messy parents she’s scared she’s turned into them 🥀✨😖#she’s like a nepo baby u wouldn’t think was a nepo baby bc her parents almost never are seen with her outside of a fashion campaign or too#or a tabloid RUMORING they had a daughter (those hurt her more than she admits) it bites to have famous supermodels for parents 🥀😵‍💫#she wants friends and parental figures more badly than she cares to admit (she won’t akzjzjjz but! she does! really bad!)#this baby girl can fit SO many parental issues 🥀✨😌#(also aj she might yank griffin along to visit Flor and her grandma bc of that 🥀✨😖)#leg.txt#your not as much of a manipulative snake as you think you are lila ! you want to be loved !!!!! really bad!#ofc this all could change as the story develops and her arc unfolds but oh my god i love lila so much thats my hot mess express!#jazz being like ‘you aren’t going to like this you’ll block me for a months for this but u need to hear this.. ur a mess my dear’ SHES RIGH#(me hoping this isn’t too ooc GAHH 🥀✨😭)
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dokjaism · 9 months ago
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#if i don't get this out of my system i may explode lmao#but man the fact that im not a uni student anymore is getting more and more real with each passing day n the fact that i have to start#searching for a job is getting more and more real each day and it's giving such huge amount of anxiety bcs im scared abt what's to come#i'm terrified of getting a job i hate. i'm terrified of losing my life in something that drains me. i'm terrified of getting stuch where#i am. of seeing my life pass and not accomplishing what i want. of everything i've dreamed of stays as that. a dream.#i'm terrified of being stuck in this country. in this city. bcs all i wanna do is leave but i dont have the means to do it!!!!!!#i dont have the money. my mom doesn't have the money and im scared. terrified of dedicating my life to working for it to be all pointless#i wanna travel n i wanna leave n i wanna land a job that i like!!!!!!!!!!!!#i don't think i'm fit for capitalism bcs routine bores me. bcs i don't want to lose my life in a job i hate#but then again i don't rlly have a dream job. i have smth i want to do but it doesn't rlly allign with my degree#and i'm scared!!!! of not being able to accomplish it!!!!!!!!! i'm so terrified of never doing what i want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm terrified of staying here bcs it's easier and less scary. i don't want to live a life of it is what it is!!!!!!!!#but everything at this point overwhelms me and idk where to start!!!!!!! idk what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i feel so silly by#asking other ppl bcs they don't have the answer n i hate it. bcs i need an answer i need to know im gonna be okay#life is unexpected n that alone makes me dread it. bcs i don't have full control of what's to come#sure i can do things to get me where i want to be but it's not 100% guaranteed it will happen the way i want it to#like. i dropped out of a major i thought i wanted n loved. i got a degree in smth that isn#isn't rlly a passion of mine#i dread the unexpected. i dread not having full control. i dread not knowing stuff#i dread things going out of plan n sure i do have a life plan#but i'm terrified of it just being a life plan#peace n love on planet earth#jo.txt
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girls-are-weird · 1 year ago
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hi. unlabeled person here. i consider myself a part of the LGBTQ+ community. i don't identify as queer. come at me, bro.
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orchideius · 2 years ago
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if my life doesn’t get better in two years, I think I will join the 27 club lollll
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