#as it always does
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maybe it's the lunar new year or the deep conversation with my friends last night but i'm in my feels right now. about a lot of things. but also, about diamond and lego.
it's all over the places at the moment so i will (try to) write a more cohesive post later (if i have time admist all these new year house cleaning).
i want to put something out there right now.
so.
you are a male idol. you told your fans in live stream that you thought he were cute, unprompted, when you were asked about his bandmate. and then later you guys were in the same event, your fans teased you if you met him yet, you said no and then he quote tweeted that video saying if you wanted to meet then come say hi. and then you guys met. and then you did tiktok challenges with him. and then he gave you a birthday present and you posted on twitter about it. and then more tiktok challenges. and then you guys collaborated on a dance video of your romantic song about being attractive to someone and wanting to dance with them, as a gift for fans celebrating your mv got 1m views. and then you always tell everyone that he is cute when being asked.
and then you waited 5 hours to catch his group's performance because you guys happened to be at the same job, just different time slots. and then you posted the photo at that same event where he interacted with you on ig with a romantic song. and then in an interview 'this vs that' style, when being asked who was the person you like the most in this building (that you were working in and have multiple long-time, close friends and co-workers of yours) you choose him over and over again and even promoted his socials and his group's latest song. and then in another game, just by seeing his shadow for a brief second, you successfully recognized his photo and won points. and then you always tell everyone that he is cute when being asked.
and then you guys went out to fix his in-ear monitors, eating, shopping, taking photobooth photos and filming another tiktok challenge. and then at a friend's birthday party, you guys took photos together and you posted it on ig. and then you guys went to the same year end party, when he danced on the table, you were afraid he would fall so you hold it with your hands and feet and even sat on it. and then when he wanted to get down from the table, you reached out, hold his hands and helped him landing (?) with a hug.
not to mention all the flirtatious, joking replies at each other all over social media or when interacting with fans, both online and in real life.
publicly having affection for someone with the same gender. but like you guys are both asian celebrities. as a k-pop fan, it's just so different than what i have experienced before, where dating or even mentioning other idols as your type is a sin. any hints of affection is either treated with obsession or toxicity. not to mention the reactions to gay idols or possible gay celebrities relationship.
it's also different in a culture where bl and real people shipping are prevalent. they both were teased continuously by fans, bandmates, friends, co-workers. reporters also joked and pestered them in many ways, that sometimes i got uncomfortable, but seeing even their hardcore solo fans didn't seem to mind make me think it's more of a cultural thing.
and yet diamond still doesn't shy away from it. from anything he was asked about lego. about their relationship. sure, there are things he ignored or declined to answer. he always tell everyone that lego is cute when being asked. he consistently tells everyone, through words and actions, that he adores lego so much.
he could just be more lowkey to avoid all the hassles and the inappropriate shippers. but he didn't. and i don't think he ever will. same with lego. and that's beautiful. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. like they got to live true to their feelings and themselves. they got to build the personal relationship and bond that they want. they got to publicly show that they like each other. they feel safe enough to do it.
and that's is soooooooo.
good for them.
i don't know how to end this. i don't know if it's the right thing to write all of this.
i want to live more as myself like them. to be a little bit more honest and in tune with my feelings and thoughts.
i want to live in a world where people can express themselves safely and like who they like and love who they love.
#this is not about real people shipping because i'm in the camp of “believe in what the celebrities said about their relationships”#they said they are friends/ close phi-nong so that's something i always try to keep in mind when the shipping gets to me#as it always does#ranting?#rambling?#lego rapeepong#diamond narakorn#to love and be loved#lemon is not a fruit
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Hello everyone, guess who's sick once again :( If you guessed me, you'd be right! I feel pretty badly sick right now, so moodboards will be slowing down until I feel a little better. I feel kinda bad about this, because I've missed a lot of uploads recently, (have this cake to make up for it) but I at least have the last day of my 25 Days of Moodboards collection ready to go!!

I'm going to try to reblog some cool stuff by other people while I'm out of commission, so I'll still be kinda active on here! I'm going to take a nap now, see you all soon!!
#my immune system hates me#as it always does#i'm sorry#i hate missing uploads#i promise I'll be so good about uploading when i get better#send cuddles pls#i'll see you soon#Pip's barks
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Well. I think your stuff rules and kicks ass enough for at least 3 people. So your self hatred is in vain because my love is more powerful than your hate. One billion positive blasts
obligatory thanks but i can't believe you as i'm incapable of receiving nice words at the moment
#this mood shall pass before i follow through with deletion and self destruction out of utter embarrassment of being alive#as it always does#don't worry about it
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They consume me
Being a fanartist and creating ur own angst bs hits different WHY DID I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA
#good omens#good omens spoilers#aziraphale#crowley#aziracrow#ineffable divorce#angst#artists on tumblr#i dont know why i thought it was a good idea to create my own angst animatic#but ive unlocked a new sort of pain#and i literally have exams still#i really js want to be normal about this i need this to end#I can't listen to yellow normally ANYMORE#they are taking over my playlist#ineffable spouses#ineffable partners#ineffable idiots#shitpost#with that said im four art projects deep and the big gay has creatively inspired me more than ever#as it always does#it clinks around my brain like the discs that occasionally change colour when it hits the corner of a screen#and RBKEJEURIEBRHEJNWHENJHHEH art is generated
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a wonderful, bright and brief whole two minutes where it seemed like Barry was maybe a good dad
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knowledge is power. be careful of how you use it. if you ever say you're dumb i don't trust you. either you're lying or you don't use the three whole brain cells you've been blessed with
hahahahaha no. Glit is a medic but in no other way is he smarter than me.
#uquiz#sorry bro#but I never say I'm dumb#I just let people who already believe that continue to believe it until it fucks them over in my favour#as it always does
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MD11
#toronto maple leafs#max domi#i’m in my domi feels tonight#he was born to be a leaf#and now he’s here#and the curse is seeping in#as it always does#and it’s not FAIR#this is where he is MEANT TO BE#this is where he SHOULD be#but the universe is so stacked against the team that success can only happen in waves of agony#and he’s being swallowed by the crushing weight of the history of this franchise#the odds are stacked against him but he still made it here#all roads lead to home but sometimes home is trying to chop you down at the knees#and all you can do is try not to crack under the pressure#anyway#pic from leafs twt
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i think i'm very possibly the biggest akanesasu shoujo/the girl in twilight fan in the world outside japan which is a weird feeling
actually it's not impossible that even including japan i'm still first
if anyone proves me wrong i will be so happy you have no idea
#akanesasu shoujo#the girl in twilight#あかねさす少女#uchikoshiblogging#i'm currently playing world's end club and of course the comparison came up#as it always does#anime#garbage
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I feel that there was some part of me that is, was, and always has been made for sorrow. I have been designed for it in such a way that it drapes on my body so elegantly, a wearer made for the robe.
I feel that there was some part of me that is, was, and always has been created for 4 am thoughts, for being unable to sleep in the arms of the one I love, for aching to be asleep with the rest of the world.
I feel that there is some part of me that will never be okay again. I feel that there is some part of me that will close off all over again because of this. I feel that there is some part of me that knows it is all too much for me to handle.
I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel,
I feel that there is some part of me that is, was, and always will be hurt, aching, and left on the ground in a pile of shards, shards of myself that you broke, shards of my life, my personality, my hopes and thoughts and dreams.
I feel that there is some part of me that will never move forward.
I feel. I feel. I feel.
#poem? maybe#vent#this is mostly a vent honestly#poetry#let it fall upon deaf ears#as it always does
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monty likes to sit in front of an open window and tell the bin men he loves them (they cant see him)
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One of my favourite things when reading fanfiction is when you click with an author's style so much that you adore the fanfiction you're reading, and once it's over you need more. So you go to their page and hope that there's more for any fandom you might know- only there isn't any. They've written for other fandoms you aren't familiar with and never would've thought about before.
But you're down so bad for their style and talent that they got you wading in like:

#ao3#fanfiction#fandom#ao3 fanfic#archive of our own#it doesn't always happen but when it does hell yee
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the illness post is still getting notes (???!! <3) and that means people are still telling me to get better soon, which is really nice but im gonna be too powerful if i get any better
#IM STILL SHOCKED AT HOW WELL THAT POST IS DOING LIKE 150K????????? I LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOU#lady normalgirl and her eunuch#it is rlly sweet that everyone says get better soon but i posted that at the tail end of being sick so its also comedic LOL#the tags on these posts always feel super empty bc i dont use my usual art/fandom tags so im just gonna write some random shit#btw tucker can and does stand at windows like that#i have picture evidence#hes a very long boi#my doods#10k
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actually the idea that Dick, the eldest, the only one who ever wore the cowl long term, the only one who raised a Robin on his own, is also the only one who can successfully, perfectly replicate that barked ROBIN! in Bruce's voice? the only one who can pull that exact tone from the depths of his soul, to the point where his voice is identical, so identical that old Robins like Jason are obeying before their minds even realize their bodies are moving? that Dick is the only one, has always been the only one, who can channel Bruce's voice? can channel Batman himself? I am going feral
#rambles#after that last panel reblog#yes I know there's the trope where all the batkids say ROBIN#but what if dick was the only one who could ever convincingly say that#what if from everyone else it was always a little off#still recognizable but#dick sounds like Bruce#or does bruce sound like dick?#it's the whiplash of hearing your own father's voice come from your chest okay#because you two are closer than anyone can ever understand#even if you don't want to be#his voice is THERE#and you know it like your own#batman#bruce wayne#dc#batfamily#dick grayson#nightwing#it doesn't belong to you but it's YOURS okay#jason todd#red hood#robin#batfam#batkids
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the general People's definition of attractive qualities is perplexing, man
#apropos of nothing specific just saw another ranking on which sense of humor topped it#as it always does#like what do y'all even MEAN do you mean not mean and not stupid?#who are all these hypothetically attractive people who lack a 'sense of humor' such that it becomes a noticable factor#or do people find others a lot fuckin funnier than I can comprehend?#like of the people I know well and like... I'd say... none? have a remarkable 'sense of humor'#maybe my brother in a very obvious coping/deflecting way that he's good at but. like.#of course I don't think my people are unfunny or anything but it's not a noticable trait!#let ALONE a hot one wtf#at least 'kind' while largely meaningless the frequency it gets tossed around has theoretically understandable meaning#does it mean 'I laugh in their company'?
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my favorite scene in all of literature is when Neil Josten wakes up in Columbia after being drugged, hurls an alarm clock at Aaron, dumps his water on the floor and throws the cup at Aaron, stuff his clothes down the toilet and squeezes out through the window, has the foresight to call Matt from a pay phone to protect his shit, hitch hikes back to campus, eyes back to brown?? shows up on Wymack’s door like 😜 and reveals he could speak German the whole time?? CHARACTER OF ALL TIME, that is a protagonist who knows how MOVE THE MFING PLOT ALONG
#My dad always told me one of the most important things about writing#Is that your protagonist needs to be the one driving the plot lol#like Neil really mfing does that#He gets the plot moving and when it does it HAULS ASS#One of the most beautiful things about tfc#Is that Nora creates the most insane world and as a reader your like??😂 wtf#But then she writes a character who is perfectly suited to deal with that insane world#it’s so endlessly satisfying to read. All the characters speak other languages perfectly for some reason? No worries.#so does Neil. They like fight with knives and love to slam each other into walls? NO WORRIES#so does Neil#Bitch and he’s 5’3???? MY MAN#Novel of all time#protagonist of all time#Solidified its place in the canon of great literature#nora sakavic#all for the game#aftg#the foxhole court#tfc#neil josten
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cries mournfully. guess who's been reading fics lately JSDFKLSDKL
#miraculous ladybug#mlb#ml#ladybug#ml ladybug#chat noir#ml chat noir#adrien agreste#ml fanart#my art#sniff sniff sob sob this fandom always does this to me LSDKLSDKL#i lower my guard just a liiiiittle bit and BOOM BAM i'm back in hell with everyone again#scheduled
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