#as if everything coming from Pep is immediately worthless or something

[toastedjeans]

I wonder what Maurice would think of Peddito. Would he be afraid of him? Or would he think he's just another weirdo that looks like his brother?

Also what would he think of Ziti, or any other of Peppino's fankids for that matter? Do y'all think he'd be neutral towards them until he realizes they're Peppino's kids and then he'd hate them?

[ramzawrites]

requesting an angsty fic where reader is schlatts kid and they have the same features as him, namely the horns so people avoid them because of what schlatt did, it leads to reader hating their horns and cutting them off/ ripping them out and someone finds them crying, covered in blood with their horns just on the ground or smth, set after schlatts death btw

A Painful Reminder - Dad!Schlatt and Reader - Part 1

Part 2

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Quackity, Niki, (mentioned) Schlatt, (mentioned) Techno

Warnings: self harm (destroying own horns with a blunt object), mention of blood, abondenment, depression, cursing

Series: an angst request!

Summary: Y/N is the child of Schlatt and after his death tried their best to deal with the grief. Hoping to connect with people only to painfully realize that their horns are a painful reminder to everyone for Schlatt’s rule and therefore try to stay as far as possible from them.

Words count: 2428

Authors Note: I hope this is fine! I struggled a bit with it and I think you can tell, I apologize for that. I’m honestly not that good with angst but if you enjoy it I’m happy!! Please give me feedback on how to get better at angst :o

I love you guys and please take care of yourself 💙

After Schlatt died and Pogtopia effectively won the war against Manberg only for the nation to get blown up by Wilbur, the people tried their best to rebuild with the help of Tubbo as the new president.

There was a new sense of hope that swept through the nation. They all suffered greatly to get to this place but this was a turning point for most. A time for healing. A time for rebuilding what was lost. A time for grief.

While Y/N spent most of their time building up their own home inside L’Manberg, they were struggling a lot with grief.

They mourned for the loss of the only parent they had in their life, Schlatt.

The president of Manburg, the tyrant that died surrounded by his enemies inside a van. The only parent of Y/N.

The relationship between the two was complicated to say the least. Deep inside they still loved their father but he brought so much pain and even bloodshed on people that they couldn’t in good conscience support him.

For the longest time they tried their best trying to persuade him, that he would change his way but he never listened. Either too full with his own ego or too drunk to care. The last straw that broke the camel’s back for Y/N was when Schlatt ordered Tubbo’s execution.

The emotions they felt while they yelled and wailed at Schlatt to stop this madness was still fresh in their mind whenever their thoughts lingered back to that day. Quackity had to  physically restrain and pull them back on Schlatt’s orders.

It was the moment they realized that there was no way for them to reach Schlatt anymore. He was set in his way and nothing could change that.

After their death to Technoblade’s blood lust during the festival, they ran away and spoke with Tommy. Y/N didn’t want to kill Schlatt but they saw in Pogtopia a chance to stop him. Make him see what he has done. Make him responsible for his actions.

Only this never came to pass. Schlatt died inside a dirty van. A heart attack or a stroke. Y/N didn’t know, nor did they care. He was dead either way.

While everyone was rebuilding and trying to fall back into a normal day to day life. Y/N was lost. They didn’t feel particularly close to anyone nor did the other seem to trust them. Their eyes were always drawn towards Y/N’s horns resting on their head.

During Schlatt’s rule they became somewhat of a symbol. A symbol for himself, for pain, for blood, for tyranny. So when Y/N walked around town the others couldn’t help but stare at these oh so similar horns that reminded them of a past best forgotten.

It made Y/N unsure of themself. It was a physical proof of their connection to their father. It was a double edged sword. In the past they loved that they inherited similar Hybrid traits like their father but now it was the reason why everyone seemed to avoid them.

The people wanted to move on but these damn horns pulled them back whenever their eyes fell on them. Y/N wasn’t stupid. They noticed this pretty fast.

Hell, if anything the funeral was the best proof for that. Bad tried his best to keep everyone under control and have a proper funeral but everyone was too busy celebrating. Talking about stealing his bones. Destroying a picture of him.

All while Y/N sat in the back. They had hoped they could use this funeral as a way to finally say goodbye, let go off the pain and regret but all this chaos just made them realize that the people will never properly accept them due to their relation with Schlatt.

Schlatt may have put all of the people through a horrible and unforgivable time but he effectively snuffed out any chance for Y/N to live a normal life between these people. This legacy of his for Y/N stung almost deeper than all the time he insulted them or flat out ignored them. It made them wonder if he ever realized what he did to his own child. Even if he did Y/N wasn’t sure he cared enough to do anything about it.

Y/N wrung their hands as they stood in front of Niki’s and Puffy’s flower shop. The money ready in their hands so this transaction could happen faster but even so they were too nervous to step in.

After some mental pep talk they finally slowly pushed the wooden door open. To their horror it begun creaking which made them wince. There was no way Niki hasn’t noticed them walking in seeing how she stood at the counter but still Y/N didn’t want to put more attention on themself than they absolutely had to.

“Oh.” Was all Niki said. She almost sounded disappointed. Y/N realized that she probably would have happily greeted anyone else coming into the shop but them.

Their eyes were glued to the ground. As they suddenly became overly aware of their horns, it felt like their weight increased immensely. Almost as if they tried to press down on Y/N. It made them feel as small and worthless as possible under the gaze of other people.

Y/N put the money on the counter as soon as they reached it “A full bouquet of purple hyacinth, please.”

“Alright.” Niki immediately moved away in order to make the bouquet ready. Though Y/N didn’t watch, they were now staring at the wood of the counter. Following he natural lines of it with their eyes as they patiently waited.

After a few minutes Niki placed the flowers in front of Y/N which pulled them out of their thoughts and made them look up. Niki forced a smile on but she still looked almost stern. Soft crevices building up as her eyebrows formed a painful frown.

“This is too much.” Niki begun pushing some of the money back towards Y/N but they shook their head.

“It’s a tip.”

Picking the flowers up into their arms they tried to put on a genuine smile before turning around to walk out of the shop.

Before they exited the shop they could hear Niki say a soft “Thanks.”

That was basically how every conversation with anyone went. Only short and the most necessary words. At first Y/N tried to start genuine conversation but they soon noticed how the others wouldn’t react. Just trying to get as fast as possible through this conversation. Their eyes always directed on Y/N’s horns.

After Y/N placed the flowers in front of Schlatt’s grave, like they did every week, they made their way towards the river.

Sometimes they would spend their time there since it’s a bit farther away from the city, so it was rare to see someone else hanging out there. Y/N mostly used this place to fish in peace. If they fished anywhere near the others their stares and frowns weighed too heavy down on them.

As they sat at the bank of the river, preparing their fishing line, their eyes fell unto their own reflection.

Dark circles adorned their eyes from their countless restless nights. Only falling asleep after hours of crying.

They couldn’t help but put the blame on their horns. Their god damn horns. Y/N hated them. Hated them so much. What would their life be like without them? Would the others still eye them so incredibly cautiously? Would they give Y/N a chance? After all Y/N was vocal about the fact that they didn’t support any of Schlatt’s decisions. For the longest time they tried to help the others through the hard times!

Yet, now as he was dead, they only showed Y/N the cold shoulder. If it wasn’t Y/N themself then the reason has to entirely lay on the horns. It was a too strong reminder of Schlatt.

A sob escaped Y/N’s lips. Tears now falling down their cheeks onto the green grass. No one was around so they didn’t mind crying loudly like this.

It was just so unfair. They did everything they could and yet all they reaped was disdain from the people and in a sick twist Y/N couldn’t even fault them for it. Whenever they saw their own reflection, their own eyes would be drawn to their dark horns after all.

Back in the day they were always happy looking at them but now they were the reason for Y/N being abandoned by everyone. They used to be somewhat good friends with Quackity due to his position as Schlatt’s Vice President and even he ignored them as soon as Schlatt was dead.

They had no one and at fault were these stupid, ugly horns.

Y/N let the fishing rod fall to the ground as they continued staring at their reflection. Trembling as they sobbed. Feeling so lonely with no way out.

What could they do? Put on a hat? There is no hat big enough to hide their horns. No, the horns had to go. There was no other way.

Shakily their hand snaked through the grass towards the water. Slowly submerging it into the ice cold liquid as the hand continued searching for something. As their hand landed on a stone that fit perfectly in their palm they held it in front of their face. Inspecting it.

As if to test it they softly tapped the stone against the tip of their horn. Their head moving with it. It felt weird. It didn’t hurt, of course, but it was still a weird feeling as the soft vibration traveled through it.

Letting out a shaky breath they reached back with their arm. The stone in an iron grip.

They hated this.

They hated everything about this but what could they possibly do? What could they do to get a proper chance at a normal conversation with Niki while buying flowers? A proper chance to talk with Quackity again, the man who was right there with them as all the bullshit happened.

All they wanted was a real chance to connect with people.

Y/N let out a sobbing scream as the stone collided with their horn, ripping off a good part of the tip.

It softly splashed into the water. Getting stuck between rocks, slowly rocking with the water stream.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore.” They stammered between sobs as they once again pulled their arm back in order to strike the horn again.

Again.

Again.

And again.

Their arm and hand hurt from constantly colliding with the hard material. A huge headache was now spreading through their head as they were sitting between broken pieces of what used to make up their horn.

But they weren’t done yet. The other side had to go as well.

With every new blow their whimpers would increase as well. At first a result of their hopelessness but it soon turned into an expression of pain. But they couldn’t give up. They had to keep going.

They had to get rid off this legacy Schlatt left them with.

After a particularly harsh blow they suddenly felt something warm slide down the side of their head.

Letting the stone fall down onto the ground they frantically stared at their own reflection in the water. It was blood.

Shocked they let out a shaky laugh. As much as it hurt and was horrible to look at, there weren’t any rest pieces of the horn resting on their head. So they picked the rock back up and with a blood curdling scream they slammed it into the other horn again, trying to get rid of the rest properly.

And it worked.

They were light headed from the pain, bleeding and crying but the horns were gone.

They were finally free of the curse.

“Finally.” They mumbled to themself only to finally take the time to rest and cry. They cried their god damn heart out. It was as if all the stress from the last couple of months finally jumped off their back.

Y/N’s back hit the soft ground as they slammed back, staring at the leaves up above them. Dancing with the wind and only occasionally giving away to the sun that was shining down on them.

Dark red blood staining the green grass. Their eyes growing heavier the more they continued to cry and hyperventilate. This pain is nothing. From this point on everything has to get better. It has to.

There was an audible gasp.

It wasn’t Y/N but they were too tired to look where it came from.

“Y/N? What the hell did you do? What happened? By Ender you are bleeding!” it was a male voice. Quackity? They weren’t too sure. Too delirious to tell.

Strong hands fell on their arms and pushed them up in a sitting position. Their head rolled back and they finally looked into Quackity’s pale face. So, they were right after all.

One of his arms went around their back in order to hold the crying Y/N upright as he took a better look at the wounds.

“I have to get you to someone who knows how to make healing pots. Maybe regeneration? Hell if I know. Did you do this? Your hands are covered in blood.” He was frantic.

Y/N shakily moved their hands up in order to grab Quackity’s hand that was holding their head in place and pushed it away from them, smearing his hand with their own blood “Don’t worry. I freed myself. The horns are gone. Now, you guys don’t have to be reminded of him anymore. We can all finally live in peace. No more reminders to him.”

Quackity’s eyes widened. His mouth opened up in an expression of pure shock. He hated that he could tell immediately what they meant exactly. After the war he did avoid them as much as he could. As Y/N said they, or rather their horns, reminded him too much of Schlatt and he needed time to heal but he never imagined this could lead to this.

He felt incredibly guilty. Realizing that he never really thought about what everyone’s behavior did to Y/N.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. We’ll find a way to help you.” His arm went under Y/N’s legs and with some straining he managed to get back up, holding them in his arms. Y/N leaned their head against Quackity’s chest, staining it with their blood in the process.

“See. It’s already working.” They whispered just before passing out.

“Fuck.” Quackity had to find someone who knew how to heal them as soon as possible. Jogging back into the city calling frantically out for help.

[tenthgrove]

Hiii I have some request if you like it : what about a s/o member of la squadra who thinks that they don't deserve love in general as a result of the abandonment and indifference from their peers throughout their whole life? Thank you so much, if you don't want to write this request it's no problem! Take care ❤️❤️

Everything To Me

La Squadra x Reader (GN), Romantic, SFW

Formaggio- Although he's the teasing type of lover, it's in the best way possible. Formaggio is always drowning you in pet names and compliments, adoring the way you shyly blush whenever he does so. To learn of your insecurities is a surprise to him, but to hear in particular that you feel unworthy of the praise he showers you with is a point of sadness. Formaggio holds you to his gaze and asks how you could really feel such things. He listens to what you have to say, before replying that you should be all the more proud of where you are now because of it. He gives you a tight hug, followed by a wet kiss on the cheek, and reminds you how much he loves you.

Illuso- Particularly if you haven't been together long, it may feel daunting to approach Illuso about your anxieties. This is especially true since he may not always pick up on them himself unless the signs are particularly obvious. However, when you finally admit the truth Illuso is much more sympathetic you expected. Secretly, he fears that his own behavior might have brought this on since after all, Illuso's own confidence is a mask for hidden insecurity. He tells you to always come to him in the future when you are having such thoughts of worthlessness. He's going to do whatever he can to lessen them.

Prosciutto- At very least, you've come to the right person for a pep talk. While Prosciutto may not be the best at recognizing insecurity he certainly knows how to address it when it's presented to him openly. Prosciutto reminds you of all your achievements and strengths, pressing them whenever you try to deny their existence. He tells you he knows strength when he sees it, and it's what draws him to you. After your talk, Prosciutto will want to treat you to a date, since he knows that actions speak louder than words. He won't let the day end without you realizing just how unconditional his love is for you.

Pesci- The second you confess your worries to him he immediately lets out a startled 'What?! But none of that is true!" You can plainly hear the sincerity in his voice and it makes you already doubt the truth of what you've just said to him. He immediately lists off all your wonderful qualities and how much better you make his life. It's honestly the purest thing you've ever heard, and ends with you cuddling in the middle of the hallway. Pesci begs you not to think such horrible things about yourself anymore, and makes a point of calling out your strengths more often in the future.

Melone- At the first sign of you insecurity Melone moves over to you and takes your head in his hands. He gives you a little peck on the tip of your nose, before beginning to his explain his reasons for why you shouldn't think like that. Rejection sucks, and he knows it, but as he explains to you, you have no need for people like that in your life. If it helps, think about how bitter those people would be to know everything you've achieved since they shunned you. Melone is proud of you, at least. And if he's all you've got, well, he better make sure you know his love has no limits.

Ghiaccio- The first issue Ghiaccio takes with your assertions is the idea that anyone can be unworthy of love. Love is a human need, it would be just plain ridiculous to try and live without it. Second of all, do you know how many missions the two of you have been on together? You've been keeping pace with White Album, that's hardly anything to scoff at. Ghiaccio wants to make sure you understand unreservedly the falseness of your statements. When Ghiaccio is certain of something, he's certain. And he has never been so sure of anything in his life as the fact he loves you.

Risotto- With his level of observance it's likely Risotto will come to you first about your insecurities rather than the other way round. Risotto sits you down somewhere private and asks you earnestly how you've been feeling lately. He will listen to you concerns without judgement, making no mention of the fact that, secretly, he feels unworthy of your love as well a lot of the time. Risotto gestures for you to let him hold you. Rocking you gently, he pets his hair and swears that he will always love you, and you will always be worthy of that love. Most in Risotto's circle these days come from difficult backgrounds, him included. And yet, here you all are, the most formidable squad in Passione. He only wishes you could see yourself the way he sees you.

Sorbet and Gelato- Entering an established relationship that has remained exclusive for years is daunting no matter the circumstances, all the more so when it's with people and intimidating as Sorbet and his husband. Because of this, Sorbet and Gelato were expecting some level of self-doubt from you, and from there it doesn't take them long to uncover your much deeper, older scars. Sorbet and Gelato were treated like shit all their lives, until they met each other. Those early years were full of nagging thoughts that the other would be better off if they just hadn't gotten involved. They don't want you to feel that way as well. Soon after your admittance, you are treated to a surprise date night in the comfort of their home, and it's all about you. They spoil and treat you all night long, making damn well sure you know just how worthy you are.

[achliegh]

Golden

FEEL FREE TO SEND ME ASKS ABOUT HOW YOU LIKED THAT CHAPTER

OR IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT PLEASE TELL ME WHY

THANK :)

Yeehaw Leo… it's all because this song came on one day (I don’t even really listen to country anymore so it really is fate). Leo is based off that song, each chapter is going to be based off a yeehaw song too.

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Beta: @the-most-slyterin-hufflepuff & @punkkkboi

TW/CW: Smut, terrible yeehaw sayings and jokes, injuries, mentions of past death/suicide, minor character death, underage drinking, mentions of past arrests, cringe

Chapter Songs (listening in order is recommended):

Chapter 13:

Anchors Away

Clay was bored, wandering around the mall with nothing to do. Thomas was at practice, Noelle was at work at the aquarium. He was alone again and he really didn’t like it. Leo was busy cleaning the apartment for his mom who is showing up later tonight and Reg was hanging out at the rink.

Clay thought about going to the rink but everytime he goes for longer than 20 minutes he gets a head cold. He was walking past a recently closed store and heard faint music coming from inside. He walked in and noticed a small table set up with two men who were jokingly singing along to the song.

Clay took note of all the posters around the small store.

‘Feeling like you need a purpose in life?’ Yeah, he does. Everyone around him is doing actual things with their lives. Reg has started going to art school for errotic photography and portraits. Leo has been selling horses over video calls with rich clients and helping his mother set up times for the clients to go down and visit the horses at the ranch. Obviously, the hockey boys are playing hockey. Noelle is a year away from graduating and was recently promoted, and Clay just kind of existed…

Leo jokingly called him a houseboy when he mentioned how he just stays at home and cleans, now that's all he is ever called by Leo and Reg and it really makes Clay feel worthless. He knows they don’t mean anything by it but…. It still stings.

He moves on to the next poster. “Want financial benefits, healthcare, and more?”

That would be nice, to make his own money for once instead of his parents randomly filling his account with too much money. Something he knows he shouldn’t complain about but he wants to make a name for himself.

‘Join the U.S Navy.’ He paused, he doesn’t know a lot about his birth family, but he does know they were in the military. He has no clue which branch and he knows if he asked his parents they would help him in a heartbeat. But maybe this was a way to find out on his own.

He left the mall feeling lighter, a pep in his step.

He just enlisted in the navy. He was going to make something of himself and maybe even feel like he isn’t just watching his friends and partners pass him by.

Then it hit him, the one thing Leo and him promised each other they would never do is join the military. Because they both know how it fucks people up. Leo lost his uncle, and Clay’s dad lost his own father to PTSD from not having proper care after. Maybe he just screwed up…. But there was no going back now. He wouldn’t.

Walking in the house, Noelle was looking beautiful. She was wearing a pair of sweats rolled up twice at the waist and one of Clay’s old ratty t-shirts. Her curly hair was in her normal ponytail and she was putting on her sneakers. She looked tired from work.

Earlier in the week when Clay and Leo announced Eloise was coming to visit for a few days Noelle started stressing immediately. She has always worried about meeting parents because they always seem to dislike her when they first lay eyes on her, she blames it on her chronic RBF. Clay reassured her that Eloise would love her and actually already loves her from all the stories Clay has told her on her weekly calls.

Eloise was coming tonight, fuck! It was his birthday today and he forgot to mention it! Oops...

Thomas was sitting next to her, freshly showered in his own sweats and t-shirt looking relaxed, he was wearing some socks with little hamsters on them that Clay found for him a while ago. It made his heart jump and he felt his face stretch into a smile. He was scrolling through his phone and Thomas’ whole face opened up in a bright smile as soon as he saw Clay. He made Clay feel so special in a specific way, a way that is so different from how Noelle does and he loves them both.

He needs to tell them that.

“I have something to tell you guys… honestly, I don’t know how you will react but what's done is done.” He puts his hands in his jean pockets and taps the hell of his boots to the toe of his other boot. He was fidgeting and knew the other two noticed. It made him even more nervous.

“That doesn’t sound like good news.” Thomas looks at him a bit worried. His smile was still there but it fell slightly and Clay just wanted to fix it. He noticed Noelle had paused stomping on her shoes, oddly similar to Logan, it made him want to stop what he was going to say but… communication is important!

“Well, I first need you guys to promise me something, then I will make Finn and Logan promise the same thing when we see them because I know I will have to tell them.” He has to tell them, so they are ready for Leo just, not being okay.

And it was all gonna be Clay’s fault.

“What's the promise?” Noelle finishes putting on her shoe and looks up at him. She is trying her best to keep her face neutral but he could tell the wheels were turning in her brain.

“Do not tell Leo, I need to be the one to tell him… and I know he isn’t going to react well. Same goes for Reg but I will probably tell him a lot sooner than Leo.” He keeps on switching his feet that he is tapping and finally looks at them.

It’s now or never.

“I enlisted in the navy today.”

“Okay, Reg and I are going to pick up Ma and then we will be right back!” Leo has been all smiles all day. Finn knew he was close to his mom but this is just adorable.

“Drive safe!” Leo and Reg wave as they leave the apartment and as soon as the door closes Clay is standing in front of Finn and Logan who are snuggled together on the couch. Logan was wrapped up in Leo’s favorite blanket that his grandpa made for him before he passed away. It was a woven blanket with an image of Peanut on it. That blanket has seen Leo and Clay in their worst moments.

He was surprised Logan wasn’t scared of it given his fear of horses.

“Alright you two, I need to tell you something and it needs to be kept secret from Leo and Reg, if you so much as tell them a peep I will never forgive you. That will make family reunions super awkward.” Finn looks up from his phone where he and Logan were reading the comments on their latest tiktok on their joined account.

“Don’t look at me.” Finn raises his hand on surrender and looks at Logan who rolls his eyes annoyed and snatches Finn’s phone away to keep reading the comments.

“I enlisted in the navy-” Clay didn’t even get the full sentence out before Logan had thrown the phone down on the cushion next to him and Finn covered his mouth with his hand looking shocked.

“YOU DID WHAT?”

“Mama!” Leo hugs Eloise tightly as she drops her bags to hug him back. “How was the flight?” He squeezes her tightly before noticing her new hearing aid is flashing is three blinks then a pause and three more blinks. “I think your hearing aid is dying. Make sure to charge them when we get home.” She either ignores him or doesn’t hear him even though she can normally hear him this close.

“Rick was a great pilot as always, even let me bring y’all some moonshine he made. It's watermelon and raspberry!.” Eloise pulls away after one last squeeze and sees Reg and her smile widens. “Reg! I’m so happy you’re here!” She waits for him to open his arms as an invitation to hug him so she knows he is comfortable with her touching him and she does as soon as he opens his arms. Tighter than she did Leo. “Have you been eating well? How about sleeping? Did you ever enroll in college?”

“Yes, yes and yes.” Reg can’t help but laugh when she picks him up still hugging him and sways him around. He isn’t used to this much affection from a mother figure but… they love it.

“I’m so proud of you for following your dream.” She pulls away and smiles at him with a sincere smile and brushes his hair back. “Your hair looks nice by the way.”

“Thank you.” Reg and Leo help her with her bags and pack them into the truck and drive the short way back to the apartment. Talking about everything and anything. The door man sends a wink Eloise’s way and she holds up her left hand where her wedding ring is. Letting him know she is taken. Walking up to the apartment they smell an odd smell through the door and everyone shares a look.

“I promise it doesn't normally smell this way unless… oh no.”

“What does that mean!?” She leans over to Reg to whisper as Leo fiddles with his key in the lock.

“It means Finn and Logan tried to cook something.” Reg whispers to Eloise as Leo opens the door, Clay was the first to greet them, smiling his million dollar smile he hugs Elosie so tight it surprises her.

“Hello Bluebell! I was surprised I didn’t see you at the airport. How are you doing sweetheart! Twenty years old today! You’re all growing up so fast.” She kisses his forehead and they pull apart. “You look good. Your mother wants you to call her later tonight so she can sing happy birthday.”

“It's your birthday!” Noelle pipes up and looks at Clay offended. “And you didn’t tell us!” He cringes before turning to her.

“Oh, I guess I forgot.” He walks over to her and kisses her cheek while Eloise puts her hand on her chest from just how cute they are.

“Seems like that should have been the first thing you told us this morning instead of, ‘ I feel like a jellyfish’.” Thomas laughs a little and kisses both Noelle and Clay’s cheeks. “So cute.”

“It slipped my mind!”

“Okay, what is that smell?” Leo leads Eloise towards the kitchen after she is done fawning over how cute those three are. Finn and Logan are suspiciously standing in the way of the countertop right next to the stove. “What are you hiding?”

Finn turns bright red and Logan looks anywhere but Leo. Eloise sets her purse on the counter and walks over to them, giving them both kisses on the cheek.

“What did you make us?”

“Well… we tried to make a cake from your cookbook-”

“It didn’t go very well.” They both move to the side to reveal a lopsided cake with some diluted frosting dripping off and random coconut flakes floating around on it. “Can you at least tell what it is?” Logan casually turned the plate so the ‘good side’ was facing Leo and Eloise.

“Umm… not really. Do you mind just telling us?” Eliose was examining the cake, trying to figure out what cinnamon cake she had in her cookbook. None that she can remember.

“Something called,” Finn walks over to the book and notices Clay and Reg standing to the side with their phones up and probably recording. “Divinity Cake.” The room was suddenly really still and quiet. Eloise looked like she was about to cry and Leo was just staring at the cake in shock.

Then Eloise brokedown in laughter, to the point where she was laughing so hard she was on the ground holding her stomach and crying. Finn and Logan were visibly confused and looked to Leo for an explanation, only to find him trying to conceal his laughter in the crooks of his arm.

“Oh my god! What is so funny?” Logan looks at the cookbook and then back at the cake. It looked terrible but they tried their best! They didn’t burn the house down at least.

“Oh my lovely lovely boys.” Leo wraps an arm around both their shoulders and pulls them in close so they are all cheek to cheek for a moment. “Divinity cake is usually cooked for your in-laws in the south.. To prove you are worthy of being a good wife.” explains through his laughing breaks. “This is amazing.”

Eloise eventually stands up and dabs her eyes so she doesn’t smear her makeup. Pulling the two embarrassed boys into a tight hug. “Y’all are so sweet. Thank you for the cake.” She gives them both sloppy kisses on the cheeks and then pats where she just kissed. “Alright I’m going to put my things in the guest room and then we can cook something up for y’all to eat.” She smiles and takes most of her bags to the guest room but forgets her purse. “Finn, would you be a dear and grab my purse for me?” She calls out and Finn being the sweetheart he is, grabs the bag and tries to take it with him as he walks past.

The bag won’t budge, Leo is watching with a smile on his face and his arms crossed. Finn tugs at the bag again and eventually gets it off the counter, it nearly knocks him over with how heavy it is. He scurried to Eloise’s room and gave it to her. She holds it like it’s nothing.

He makes his way back over to Leo and sinks into his chest, his face buried in his neck. Logan is still poking the cake, showing off just how gelatinous it is. Clay and Reg are comparing videos that they took and laughing at how they zoomed in on different faces. Sending them to each other.

“I’m sorry we messed up the cake.” Finn looks up at Leo and sees the sweetest little smile, showing his dimples off. Finn has noticed Leo’s tan from the summer is fading and it is making the small scar across his nose more prominent. It was cute.

“Honestly, it’s better than anything else y’all have made. Plus, now Mama can teach you how to make it the right way for the next time she visits.” Leo kisses his eyebrow and wraps his arms around him as Finn pouts even more. Logan eventually makes his way over and rests his head on Leo’s shoulder.

“Maybe it still tastes good?” He closes his eyes and rubs his cheek on Leo’s soft shirt and tough shoulder, massaging his jaw muscles. His arms are crossed.

“We can try it afte Mama and I make some food, how about y’all pick out what you want so she can put on her mini cooking show.” Leo feels the boys lean off of him and smiles as he watches them pour over each page of the book looking for a meal they want.

“Alright, I’m ready to cook.” Eloise comes back into the room and gathers everyone so they are sitting on the other side of the counter, unless they are Reg or Leo because they are allowed to help cook. Finn and Noelle have taken the two seats while Clay and Thomas are on either side of them watching and Logan is in between them.

They all watch as Eloise explains what she is doing in hopes it helps them understand and make them want to try and make this on their own. Logan gets in trouble for focusing on Leo instead of what she is teaching and she gives him a smirk.

“You remind me a lot of Wyatt, you know that? Around the same height too.” She smiles as she fiddles with her ring after she washed her hands to get the rest of the flour off her hands. Leo is watching the food in the oven as he leans against the counter and nods in agreement with her.

“I do?” Logan looks at her a little confused, he sadly never got the chance to meet Wyatt but he always pictured him as more of the strong and silent type who was also tall, giving Leo his extra few inches of height.

“He was 5’10 and the sweetest man I have ever met, he was goofy and carefree like Finn and always had this hard look in his eyes like you do. Unless he was looking at Leo or I, or in your case Leo. Please don’t look at me like that.” Leo snorts and smiles.

“That would be kinda weird.” He turns his head over his shoulder and smiles at his boys. “Why don’t we tell them some stories about dad? I never really talk about him because… well, it still hurts.” Eloise smiles a little sad at her son and gives his arm a comforting squeeze. Her love language.

“Well, he was in the air force.” She notices Clay looking away, Noelle suddenly looks uncomfortable and Thomas looks a little sad. Something was off. “He and his twin brother Wess joined at the same time, and flew fighter jets together. His brother was shot down and Wyatt made Leo promise to never join. After he came back he vowed to never leave again. He kept his promise.” She smiles at the image of him coming home still fresh in her mind. “He was in love with music, sometimes I think he loved music more than us. He tried to get Leo to learn how to play instruments but the poor boy is so tone deaf he couldn’t figure anything out.” She laughs a little as Leo smiles. “I remember when Leo was being taught the guitar Wyatt would be thrown into laughing fits when Leo would play the wrong chords and smile up at him like he just did something.”

“I thought I did!” Leo laughs a little and turns around to face everyone else. “Look It took me forever to learn rhythm, and now I can dance like there is no tomorrow… still can’t sing though.”

“Ahmen!” Clay pipes up and ducks as Leo throws a spoon at him.

“Shut up!”

“Wyatt did manage to teach Clay how to play fiddle somehow, do you still play?” Eloise checks the food in the oven and determines it's not done.

“I haven’t played since… yeah I haven’t played in a while.”

“He was so proud of you. Wyatt was also a sportsman. He loved sports, especially baseball. So when Leo came home and told Wyatt he joined the team, they went out back and played catch for, I don’t know, hours.”

“My arm was sore the next day.”

“He came to every single game of Leo’s besides one, and was his biggest fan. He made shirts with Leo’s player picture on them and wore them to every game. No matter how many times Leo begged him not to!” The timer goes off and Reg gets the food out of the oven.

“Is this done?” He asks, Eloise comes over to check and nods.

“Looks good! How about we eat?” She smiles and has everyone line up so she can dish it out for them.

Thomas and Noelle are getting ready to leave when Eloise asks Clay to join her outside. He gives them a worried look but follows her. Outside is cold, and there is a bit of snow on the railing of the balcony.

“Talk to me Clayton, something is wrong, I noticed it earlier.” She looks at him and taps her foot as he pulls out a cigarette and lights it. “Clayton.”

“I joined the navy, and I haven’t told Leo, and I ask that you don’t tell him either because he needs to hear this from me.” He is looking out at the traffic below so he doesn’t have to watch her face. He knows she is upset with him.

“Is that what you really want to do?” She walks up next to him and joins him in looking at the traffic. Clay has always admired how strong Eloise is, she has been through a hell of a lot and still has this calm and stable energy.

“Yes.”

“Then you made the right choice.” She turns and looks at him, smiling in a way that he knows is trying to hide her sadness. She ruffles his hair as he finishes his cig and puts it out on the bottom of his boot. “Have you told Noelle and Thomas?”

“Yeah.” He knows his short answers sound hostile but he wants to be away from this conversation.

“They support you?” She always makes sure he has support, it hurts sometimes. Like he can’t just get support himself and he always needs help.

“Yes.” She nods and walks back towards the door.

“Then you better spend as much time with them as you can.” She goes inside, leaving Clay to think about everything by himself.

It was dangerous.

He walks back inside and they leave. Noelle turns around from the passenger seat and smirks at Clay. He was in for a fun night.

“I’m off to bed boys, we have a busy day tomorrow!” Elosie kisses her boy's cheeks and walks to her room.

“I like you mom.” Logan says as he tackles Leo to the ground straddling his back with his scented markets in hand. He tugs at Leo’s shirt, he complies and takes it off. Logan has been dying to do this all day.

“I hope not too much!” Leo crosses his arms under his head until Finn sits down next to him and he pulls his thigh so it's underneath Leo’s head. Leo shivers as the cold marker hits his skin and Logan begins coloring.

“What other stories do you have about Wyatt?” Finn rubs his fingers over Leo’s short hair that has really grown out over the past month, it was starting to curl at the ends making Leo look sweet.

“He used to read to me when I was little, then when I was able to read I would read to him until he fell asleep and started snoring.” Leo smiles and Finn can feel it on his leg. “He was also my coach for little league baseball for a bit and he was great but not everyone liked that he was my dad. Other parents thought I was getting special treatment. Also he would argue with the umpires and get in trouble!” Leo bursts out laughing and Logan gorans.

“Leoooooooooo! Be still!” Leo calms down and lets Logan keep coloring the flowers of his back piece.

“Sorry sorry, I just remembered when he got kicked out of a game because an umpire called Clay out when he was safe. It was hilarious. He called the umpire a muppet.” Smiling Leo yawns and blinks a few times.

“You can fall asleep, we will wake you up and go to bed when Logan finishes.” Finn is scrolling on his phone and is petting Leo’s head as he feels it get heavier with sleep. Finn looks up at Logan after making sure Leo is asleep.

“We need to tell him we love him.”

“Yeah, we do.” They smile at each other and share a peck before going back to what they were doing.

The next morning Finn and Logan wake up with a Leo sized dent in the bed and not Leo. They wander out to the kitchen and get smacked in the face with the smell of blueberry pancakes. They float into the kitchen and smile at the sight. Eloise has her hair in curlers and is in a thick grey robe and Leo’s sweatpants because she doesn’t own a pair. Her face is free of makeup and it shows how well she has taken care of her skin over the years. She is flipping a couple of pancakes while Leo sips on some apple juice. Just chatting away about the plan for today.

“Okay so after family skate is the party at Pascal and Celeste’s.”

“I won’t be at family skate dear, I have some work to do today.” She puts the last pancake on a plate, making sure that each plate has two, she takes two plates over to the table while Leo carries the other two.

“Ma, you promised me you wouldn’t work while you were here.” He sighs and sets the plates down. He sighs and sits down, not noticing the other two people in the room, he starts poking at his pancakes with his cheek on his hand and elbow on the table. Sulking.

“I know sweetheart but these people are someone who your Daddy tried to sell to for years. They plan to get two mares and then I will be at the party. On time. I promise.” She puts the dishes from cooking in the sink and fills the pancake batter bowl with hot water before grabbing her cup of coffee and walking over to sit next to Leo.

Logan and Finn share a look. They shouldn’t be listening to this.

“Okay but, just please be there towards the beginning of the party. I want to introduce you to my-... the team.” Leo furrows his brow not understanding why he about called the lions his team, when he doesn’t even play hockey.

“I will try my best, Merigold.” She pats his hand and Logan and Finn make their entrance, yawning and stretching as they walk over to the table. “Morning boys.”

“Morning!” Finn smacks a kiss on Leo’s temple as he walks past and Logan does the same, taking their seats and chowing down.

Later that day Eloise was putting her hair in a ponytail as she checked to make sure there were no creases in her uniform. Well, it's not a uniform but what she likes her and Leo to wear when they go to sell.

A black tall-neck turtle neck with long sleeves and tight to the body. Some khaki colored riding pants with tall back socks and brown riding boots. Professional yet comfortable. She was selling to the Malfoy family today, the father is buying these mares for his sons wedding coming up. She is still convinced that they only want their mares because Wyatt is gone, making Knut horses more desirable.

They were in contact with Wyatt for years and were not very nice. She knows she needs to make this sale though. Walking out to the living room to grab her purse she sees Leo moping on the couch by himself. She sighs out of her nose, walking over to him and petting the top of his head.

“I promise I will be there tonight, with moonshine.” She smiles as Leo rolls his eyes.

“I trust you.” Then he stood and gave her good luck and a hug before walking back to his bedroom… not the master bedroom. She takes a deep breath and leaves the apartment.

The rink was cold, Leo was bundled up in his new coat, hat and gloves while rocking his normal jeans and boots. His brand new skates were in hand, not broken in so he was wearing two pairs of tall socks just to help against blisters. Clay actually owned a pair of skates and has been skating since he was younger because he has family in Montana that he would visit for the holidays.

Jerk.

Leo was sitting in Finn's stall just trying to stay warm while he watched Noelle tie one of Clay’s skates and Thomas tie the other. Leo had to admit, he was so happy for Clay, seeing him with that sappy smile makes Leo know that he’s okay. He never smiled like that with Ashley.

Logan walks over to him, completely ready to skate and looking good. He was wearing his favorite well worn sweats and Leo’s new thrifted sweater that was dark green, showing off his eyes. He was wearing his normal cap backwards and Leo has always found it funny that Logan will never wear a hat forwards.

“Ready to get laced up?” Leo nods and holds out a skate to Logan. “You’re very quiet right now, are you that cold?” Leo just narrows his eyes and gives a short nod. Logan shows him how to lace up and once his other skate is on he stands up and nearly falls over.

“This is going to be terrible… is there a dentist nearby? I have a tendency to fall teeth first into the ground.” Licking over his chipped tooth absentmindedly he looks around. There were kids running around in skates and jumping into other players arms. He smiles a bit and rests his elbow on Logan’s head who is wear much more worn down skates so Leo is a fucking giant to him. “You’re the perfect height.”

“Yeah yeah, lets watch you try and walk. Then we can find Finn who I’m guessing is talking to Syd.” Logan helps Leo take a few steps knowing Leo has no balance at all. In skates or not. He has witnessed this name trip over nothing.

“Whose Syd?” Leo starts walking on his own and feels like this isn’t so bad.

“My oldest sister. Aubry is here too. They also play professional hockey. So… don’t get on their bad sides.” Leo stops walking.

“You never mentioned your sisters will be here! I thought I was meeting them when we go to visit your parents in a week! Oh boy… Do they know about you and Finn?” Leo continues walking after Logan grabs his hand and leads him out of the tunnel.

“Yes they know about me and Finn, I told my family first because… well my parents love him and my sisters all had a bet so… yeah. But they don’t know about you because I didn’t know if you were ready for that.” Leo stops him before they completely exit the tunnel and presses him up against the wall, kissing him softly.

“Thank you.” Leo smiles when Logan does and they pull apart to see they are the last out of the tunnel. Walking out Leo stops in front of the ice. “Yo, I don’t know if I have enough ego to let me fall face first onto the ice in front of a whole hockey team yet.”

“What, you aren’t up for the challenge?” Clay skates right up to him, not as seamless as everyone else but still pretty well. He has this challenging look in his eyes and Leo knows exactly what is going to happen. “I knew you weren’t good at everything.” Leo launches himself at LCay who skates out of the way just in time for Leo to miss and barely holds himself up as he glides across the ice.

“Clay! When I get my hands on you, I swear!” Then he falls flat on his ass and gorans laying down, staring at the ceiling annoyed. This sucks.

Clay is having an absolute field day, Laughing his ass off as he skates up to Leo and helps him stand. Patting his back for a moment and letting Leo get his balance he then pushes him over and skates away.

“CLAYTON!” Leo falls basically into a middle split and it distracts Finn from his conversation with Logan and his sisters, hitting Logan’s chest until he looks over at Leo who is still being taunted by Clay and now Reg.

“I didn’t know he could do that.” They share a look and both seem to get ideas around the same time because their faces get all reg and they high five.

“Who is that?” Sydney is readjusting her hat as she looks at Leo. “He’s a cutie, I wouldn’t mind getting a piece of that.”

“Agreed. He is really handsome.” Aubry nods in agreement and Logan is suddenly possessive. He glares at them.

“Back off, he’s mine!” He crosses his arms and turns his attention back to Leo who is now talking to Katie who has made herself at home on his leg. Leo looks like he is trying his best not to shake from how cold he is.

“You have Finn, let us have our fun.” Aubrey hits his shoulder and skates over to Leo and Katie. “Need some help?” Katie smiles at her. Leo looks up at her and gives a shy smile because he is embarrassed. Nodding she holds out her hand, Katie grabs his other hand and helps him up. With Katie on one side and Aubry on the other, Leo starts more skating and less falling over.

“Awww they are so cuteeeee.” Sydney smiles at them and hears Logan grumble, looking at them annoyed and Finn is still snorting everytime Leo stumbles. But Finn has this look in his eyes that Sydney has only ever seen him give Logan. She hopes there isn’t anything shady going on between those three.

Eventually, Aubry and Leo stake back over to Finn, Logan and Sydeny who are all still chatting on the ice and sipping their hot chocolate that Celeste brought.

“Can I have a sip?” Logan holds up his cup over his shoulder to Leo’s lips, because Leo is behind him, and holds it as he takes a sip. “Mm, so yummy. I’ve never really had this before. Hot chocolate?” Leo doesn’t really drink warm drinks at all, even the coffee is normally cooled down to where it isn’t hot, sometimes iced.

“You should have Finn make you some, he is really good at it.” Finn kisses Logan's forehead and smiles.

“It’s like the one thing I learned how to make properly. Alex taught me! He is coming to the party later tonight if you want to meet him.”

“I’d love to meet him! Now, I’ve met Aubry. I’m guessing you are Sydney? Logan talks about you guys sometimes but I don’t know a lot.” Leo smiles at her and reaches his hand out to shake hers.

“You have a southern accent…” Aubry and her share a look.

Logan is definitely not keeping him from them.

[marikaaajoy]

my relationship with digital art and how BNHA salvaged it

I just wanted to let out my thoughts but I can only do it here :>

This might be a downer for some people but I’d like to share it with people here. BNHA means the world to me and this is why.

I first started drawing when I was 7 years old in 2006

I think it’s ugly now, but 7 year old me remembered being so proud of this because this is a drawing of my stepfather. This is the only drawing I have that was from my childhood. I think the aim here is to draw in anime style BUT I didn’t even watch anime back then. I had a classmate who loves anime and she taught me to draw in school. Drawing became a favorite hobby immediately after that.

Then it was 2013 and I was 14 years old. Drawing is still my favorite thing to do besides being on the computer. I love anime at this point too. My parents bought an iPad for the whole family, but I was almost always the one using it. I discovered an app called ArtStudio and thought “Wow, I can draw without making a mess and with only my fingers” because I was always too lazy to take out my drawing materials and clean up afterwards.

These were my first digital drawings. The pirate one was the very first. I got obsessed real fast. I can color so easily, undo any mistake, layers are a blessing too. There was just so much more freedom. I always sucked at coloring in traditional art and I didn’t like the mess (idk my hands get so messy traditionally)

The next year, it was 2014, I was 15. My birthday is in a couple of months and I knew my parents were planning to buy me something pricey (I think it was a laptop) so I approached them and asked if they could just buy the Wacom Bamboo as a present which was cheaper anyway and I even explained how it works to them and how it would allow me to draw on the computer instead of the iPad. I tried really hard to be convincing. I would have prepared a powerpoint presentation if I had to.

They did give me the wacom as a present. They even gave it to me months before my birthday so I could use it already. I thought I was the luckiest teen in the world with my parents.

These are a collection of my favorite works from 2014 to 2016. The middle one was my second drawing using wacom and Paint Tool SAI. I was a part of a lot of fandoms in those years lol

It gets downhill from there :/

April 2016, my mom and I moved to Japan, while my stepfather and siblings stay in my country. It was tough. For someone who is obsessed with anime, you’d think I’d be thrilled to live in Japan.

I was. Though only at the first few months. It’s not the same as it’s portrayed in anime (I should’ve known but I used to be blinded by anime). It was just lonely. The language barrier sucked and then lots of financial and family issues until my parents split. I got my first boyfriend too and I thought I was blessed by the nicest boy, but the relationship became extremely toxic but I didn’t have it in me to walk away.

All the shit that happened affected me mentally and emotionally. My biggest outlet which was digital drawing, was also out of the question because I did not have a computer/laptop when we moved to Japan. We left it in our home for my stepfather and siblings, even the iPad. I have my wacom with me, but no computer/laptop to use it with. I couldn’t draw.

I tried though. I used my phone to draw, but it wasn’t the same. Then the life problems got piled up, things got worse, and I just lost motivation in anything. Literally anything. From 2016 to 2019, I stopped watching anime, I dropped out of all the fandoms I’m in, I stopped watching my favorite TV series or movies, and I stopped drawing. I even got a bit disconnected with my friends who lived in my country (we talk regularly online). My family was broken so I gave all my attention to my toxic relationship as well which made everything worse too lol

I didn’t draw besides from a few scribbles and the drawings above. I did try digital art on my phone a couple of times again and even posted them on my IG, but they weren’t any good. Eventually, I got mentally and emotionally drained and dropped out of senior high school. I just stayed home for almost a year, leeching off of my mom. I felt even more worthless and my life had no direction at this point. Nothing mattered anymore.

April 2019 or so I think, my (ex)bf bought me a laptop. He says it’s a gift, but I think the real reason was to make up for something horrible that he did (which is stupid because money /gifts won’t resolve anything). I have a laptop. I can draw again, but I didn’t. I didn’t care, I wasn’t interested in drawing anymore anyway.

Welp. June 2019, I went back to my country. My (ex) bf stayed in Japan. The distance helped me end the relationship and my friends were there (they always were) to help put me back together along with two trips to therapy. I went back to finish my senior high school in my own country this time. That said, I have to stay in my country for school (but I was happy because I didn’t wanna go back to Japan yet when the breakup was still fresh and with going back to school, my life has a direction again.)

It was weird. I remember just being sorta lost and confused because I used to put my time, effort and everything into my previous toxic relationship, which was now gone. I was free and I had so much free time that I didn’t know what to do with it. I got so used to doing nothing and being nothing.

This is where BNHA enters.

Dunno when it started, but I started seeing Bakugou frequently online. It’s usually just Bakugou. I knew who he was because my friend suggested BNHA to me back in late 2018 I think but I didn’t watch it since I’ve lost interest in everything at that point in my life.

But ye I thought he hot af but I still didn’t watch BNHA.

But then for some reason he REALLY kept appearing in my social medias and it was really frequent. The last straw was when I saw a pic of him in UA’s gym uniform and thought “damn boi aight imma watch bnha for u” (y’all gotta admit he looks good in those colors with his combat boots XD )

I watched BNHA. Fell in love with Iida along the way. Then I switched to Tokoyami (but Shoji was hot too so aaaaa), but then angry emotionally-constipated sea urchin head caught my heart again. But oof. BakuDeku moments really made me feel some type of way I haven’t felt since I moved to Japan. It felt new but nostalgic. I fell hard in that ship.

I started obsessing. From memes to posts to fanfictions to buying merch to filling my room with BNHA posters. I realized I was reverting to my old self from the time I was still happy and it was thanks to BNHA (and the good people who helped me through the worst too)

Shit I wanted to draw BNHA, I thought.

I mean, I have a laptop, I still have my wacom and drawing softwares. I could totally draw digitally again if I wanted to.

But guess what

I can’t :c

My hand physically cannot draw. My drawings don’t look the way I want them too. 3 years of not drawing really destroyed any skill I had. I was back to square one.

September (yeah they’re ugly, I laughed at it). If you’re wondering why I drew on paper, it’s because, for some reason, I really CANNOT draw digitally. I mean it. I can barely sketch digitally at this point. The lines and shapes just doesn’t come to life. They’re just scribbles. But somehow, I can kinda draw on paper with a ballpoint pen. But yeah, that was the best I could do at this point in my life

After that, I still tried to draw, to regain my old art style, but it didn’t happen... It just doesn’t look or feel the same. Drawing used to be fun. But during this phase, it felt like my ugly drawings were just mocking me (probably was just too emo that time lol)

Weirdly, around a week or two I think, after my half-assed attempts at drawing, I managed to draw digitally somehow o.o

I did a Midoriya and Todoroki drawing like this too. It was my first post here on Tumblr I think. The annoying part here is that I cannot draw digitally unless I draw on paper first, take a pic, and then trace the lineart. I couldn’t draw directly on the computer. Granted, drawing on paper and drawing on digital is very different for me in the first place anyway. But it was still a pain. And it still looked like shit. I can only draw stiff poses :/ it seems like my brain decided to delete all data about anatomy and posture and backgrounds. My lineart here is even messy af. It still really not the same as my old style.

By 2020, I think I got my old art style back. On March, I made this. This took me 27 total of hrs to make.

Right now, I think it’s not bad, but back in March, I was disappointed with the result. This is when I finally broke down crying because it didn’t look good enough and I hated that it took me 27 hrs to draw “bullshit.” I was angry at myself for losing interest in drawing for 3 years when I could’ve used that time to improve. I had to start all over again and it still didn’t look good. (Current me thinks that the drawing above is alright. I was just a lot harsher to myself back then. Used to have a lot of issues but I’m doing great now)

I cried myself to sleep that night. Woke up wanting to cry again. I wallowed in sadness for a couple of days. Eventually told my friends what’s up. Got some pep talk. Even talked to my sister (she’s great, she always hypes me up with my stuff and sometimes I think she’s my biggest fan with how she appreciates my drawings and I’m really grateful for that).

My world turned a 180 and I was weirdly positive after all that crying because brain chemicals and shit. I had a revelation. If I hate how my art style looked so much, then I should have been putting effort in changing my art style, not trying to regain my old art style (that I don’t like anymore)

I researched a lot. I analyzed different art styles and anatomy again. I did everything I could think of to find a style that works for me. I might have even neglected school for a bit to focus on digital art lmao

After all that work, I posted a fanart of middle school BakuDeku in their classroom. I love that fanart so much even if I probably have better ones by now because that was the first fanart I made that I felt like I could be proud of and it was the first one I made in my new art style. It was a milestone for me.

March 2020, I moved back to Japan and without the toxic relationship, I’m a lot positive now. Happy. I’m myself again after the previous bad years. I’m still continuously learning though, trying to improve, but at least, now, I found my own art style :) I really suck at interacting with people online, but I’m always grateful for the support everyone has been giving my fanarts. I’m happy when my content makes people happy.

This is why BNHA is important to me. The series is great alone, but it’s not just that to me. BNHA is so much more. It’s what made me find the passion to create again, only this time, it’s focused on drawing (I used to write, but now I just draw, but maybe I’ll write again for BNHA).

My family is supportive with my love for BNHA, but I think they don’t know the deeper reason why I love it. Sure, I was fine living on with nothing much going on in my life. I’ll finish school, get a job, work until I die or something. It was okay. It was the way of life. But BNHA gave my life color again. I wasn’t just blindly going through life anymore. I have something to look forward to everyday now. BNHA even became a bridge to other things. Ever since then, I’m a lot more open to people, to try new things, to explore and not just live through life and waste away. I got better at leaving my comfort zone. I’ve never been happier in my life :D

Thank you for supporting my fanarts. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to express myself through BNHA. I hope to make more content in the future and improve even more :)

[rosywaifu]

Happy Holidays!

A very sweet and special happy holidays to @pk-freezer-burnt​ ! I’m you’re secret santa from @mlsecretsanta​ !!!! I hope you enjoy your gift, a fic I wrote! <3

                                             Rooftop Romance

Marinette couldn't believe her luck. The morning had started out great! She had woken up to a lovely breakfast thanks to her parents and she miraculously made it to school on time. Granted, she ran the whole way there with a croissant hanging from her mouth, but she was on time and that was all that mattered. Her classes went great; Alya helped catch her up on all the things she missed due to her “extracurricular activity”. Her day was great, right up until the last bell rang for the students to go home. Adrien and Nino were standing by the stairs in front of the school, waiting for Adrien’s driver to pick him up. They were bobbing their heads along to Nino’s new song on a shared pair of headphones . Marinette, however, was hiding in a bush beside the stairs watching Adrien , roses tinting her vision.

“Come on, girl! You can do this. Just walk up to him-” Alya began.

“Walk up to him,” Marinette repeated Alya’s instructions carefully.

“Tap him on the shoulder-”

“Tap him on the shoulder.”

“-and say, ‘Adrien. I like you.”

“‘Adrien. I like you.’ Oh, Alya I can’t! What if he says no? I’ll be mortified!” Marinette buried her face in  her hands. Alya smiled at the girl softly and placed a gentle hand on her back.

“Okay, Marinette. I know it can be scary to put yourself out there,” as she spoke, her words soft and comforting, she guided Marinette out of her  ball of fear and out of the bush.

“However, there's no time like the present!” Alya said with a mischievous look in her eyes. Marinette looked up at her, confused.

“Wha—“ before Marinette could get a word in edgewise, Alya shoved her hard towards the boys. Luckily, years of trapezing around the Parisian skyline as the spotted heroine has made her naturally quick on her feet and she was able to catch herself before falling flat and getting a mouthful of asphalt.

“Hey, Marinette!” smiled Adrien . The sight of his carefree and casual smile made Marinette’s heart flutter like a million little butterflies.

“Adrien, hey! I’m good, how are you? I mean! How are you?” Marinette quickly recovered her irregular speech pattern. She had gotten increasingly better at speaking to Adrien in the few years she had known him but she still stuttered and messed up regularly.

Adrien chuckled and nodded.

“Haha, yeah, I’m good. Did you need something, Marinette? You came over in quite a rush.” Marinette blushed furiously at his question. She couldn’t believe she was this close to doing this.

Nino, who had been standing there quietly for some time, took his leave when he noticed the  furious look coming  from his girlfriend, standing a few feet away.

“I’ll, uh, see you dudes later. Bye, Marinette. Later, Adrien.” The two waved him off as he sped walked to Alya’s side to where he got a light slap on the shoulder for invading a “romantic moment between the two idiots”.

“So, what did you need again?”, asked Adrien. Marinette had gotten slightly lost in his beautiful green eyes.

“Oh, right. Well, for a long time- no, that’s not right. Okay, we’ve known each other for a- no. Alright, here goes…” Marinette took a deep breath and shut her eyes softly hoping to calm down her breathing enough to share her feelings.

“Adrien, I like you.” Without opening her eyes, Marinette finally shared the three words that she had felt since she was fifteen. All sounds fell on deaf ears for Marinette. The only thing she could hear was her own heartbeat drumming painfully loud.

One heartbeat.

Two heartbeats.

Three heart--

“Wow Marinette, I like you too,” Adrien said with too much pep in his voice that it sounded fake. Marinette squeaked an eye open when she heard him speak.

“Really?” Her voice was high pitched and in complete disbelief. She couldn’t believe her ears. Was the boy of her dreams, the one she had literally dreamt of marrying for years, returning her feelings?

“Yeah, of course! I’m so lucky to have you as a friend-” Marinette's world crumbled. The Earth around her cracked and fell apart, until it was only her standing alone in the darkness.

“You’re so kind and you’re always there to help me when I need it. You’re an incredible friend and you mean so much to me. I’m so glad you feel the same way!” Adrien spoke cheerfully. He always had the sinking feeling that Marinette didn’t like being around him, so it made him swell with happiness to hear that she liked him too. However, he noticed Marinette's big, bluebell eyes filling with big , watery tears.

“Marinette, are you okay?” Adrien frowned and felt an immediate surge of worry at the smaller girl. Marinette was feeling worthless. She was honored that Adrien thought of her as such a valuable friend but she always thought she’d be more one day.

She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and gave Adrien an overly bright, closed-eyed smile to convey a shred of happiness.

“Of course, I’m perfectly okay! I’m so glad we’re on the same page. I’ll see you later.” Marinette, without another word to Adrien or Alya, practically ran all the way  home.

Hours later, Marinette was still sobbing into her bed. Tikki had tried to comfort her but Marinette begged to be left alone. Her homework and fashion projects laid untouched as Marinette was curled into a fortress of pillows and blankets. Tikki sat on the desk munching on some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies sadly. She was disappointed that she couldn’t be there for Marinette. The girl was clearly heartbroken.

“Marinette. You’ve been locked in your room all afternoon. You should get some fresh air.” Marinette sat up to the tiny shrill voice of her kwami and wiped her tears, sniffling.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right, Tikki. I’ll go up to the roof and try to stop crying.” Marinette stood up and climbed up to the roof, pushing open the trapdoor.

“Good, Marinette! I’ll be down here if you need me.” Her voice called as Marinette climbed up to the top.

It was a rather warm evening. Marinette had been crying in her dark room for so long she missed the sunset but she admired the twinkling stars in the dark sky. The lights from across the city dotted the skyline with the lit Eiffel Tower as the star of the show. Marinette was comfortable in the matching pajama set she had put on immediately when she got home. It was dark green with little black paw prints dotting it. It reminded her of her partner in heroics, which is the reason she ended up buying it. Alya thinks she has a huge crush on Chat Noir now but in reality, she enjoyed teasing him as Ladybug about his “smashing hit pajama line”. Of course, this plan backfired because the next evening, Chat Noir arrived at their typical patrol meeting place with tales of the multiple store sections teeming with Ladybug memorabilia and the people picking it apart trying to get their hands on some Ladybug dresses and dolls. The whole thing made her blush furiously which made Chat Noir’s heart flutter.

While Marinette took deep soothing breaths, she began to think more clearly.

Adrien, meanwhile, had finished his homework, his fencing, and his piano practice. He now sat, completely and totally bored, upside down on his couch staring out of the windows.

“Do you think Marinette’s okay, Plagg? She seemed upset when she ran off like that.” Adrien’s voice rang like a crack marring the quiet room. Plagg emerged from his pile of cheese on the coffee table and turned himself upside down to be right side up to his compadre.

“I don’t know, you know how girls are. One minute they're fine, the second they’re calling you a ‘hazard to modern society’.” Of course, this was a direct quote from Tikki. Adrien laughed slightly.

“You are a hazard to society, Plagg.” Adrien replied with a joking tone making Plagg roll his eyes. Adrien sank back into his worried mindset. Marinette had seemed so happy when she walked up to him,  and then her mood changed completely before taking off .

“Jeez kid, if you’re so worried about her, call her or something.” Adrien’s ears perked up as an idea formed in his head.

“Well, it might be Adrien she’s upset with, but Chat Noir however…” Adrien smiled triumphantly.

“Oh, come on! At least let me finish my cheese!”

“Plagg, claws out!” Adrien called. Plagg groaned as he got magically sucked into the ring, complaining about not being able to finish off his delicious cheese.

Adrien transformed into his superhero self and jumped out the window heading towards the now-closed patisserie.  

“Evening, princess. How are you this purr-fect night?” Chat spoke as he perched on the post of the balcony railing. Marinette was surprised to see her partner visit her so late into the night.

“Chat Noir? What are you doing here so late, is everything okay?” Marinette’s Ladybug side shined a little bit as she questioned Chat’s arrival. Chat cocked his head to the side, much like a cat, the familiarity of her voice sparking something within him.

“Does something need to be wrong for me to visit you?” He teased slightly.

Marinette shrugged in response.

“I suppose not but I wouldn’t think a superhero would have the time to visit a lowly citizen like me. I figured you’d be out with Ladybug.” Marinette felt like giggling as she talked about herself as if it weren’t her. This time, Chat was the one to shrug.

“We do patrol separately sometimes in order for us to both get rest occasionally. Besides, you’re no lowly citizen, right Mouse-inette?” Chat teased lightly before giving her a once over. The sight was enough to make him blush profusely. While Marinette giggled at his reference to the time she joined him in super-heroics as Multi-Mouse, he admired the way Marinette’s hair hung loosely out of her twin tails and the way she looked in a Chat Noir buttoned-up short sleeve top with matching pajama shorts, long and athletic legs able to be seen. He admired her strong figure, he had never noticed how strong Marinette looked before but he was certain now that she could bench press him with ease.

He began to feel like a  perv and looked back up to her eyes, which seemed to be electrified bluebells. Bright and vibrant, but full of pain.

“Are you alright, Marinette? You seem downright mew-serible.” He couldn’t stop himself from making a pun, even when expressing genuine concern. Marinette eyed him carefully, sizing him up to protect herself from being made fun of. Ladybug was able to trust Chat Noir wholeheartedly with anything and everything, except her identity of course, but Marinette was a different story. Marinette and Chat don’t have the same rapport as their superhero selves do. Marinette trusted Chat in and out of the mask but did Chat trust Marinette? Did he even like her enough for her to actually tell him what’s upsetting her?

“I’m...fine. Thank you for asking. How are you?” She decided not to risk it. Chat frowned. Her red-rimmed, glassy-eyed expression, and puffy red cheeks led him to the clear conclusion that she was definitely not okay .

“You know, cats have great intuition and I can tell you are not fine. You can trust me, you know.” His voice was laced with concern and genuine care for Marinette’s happiness. Marinette sighed and closed her eyes before opening them again to stare at the big, bold moon.

“Alright, I’m not fine. I’m rather upset actually.” She laughed dryly. Chat made no motion that he was going to interrupt so she kept going.

“There’s this guy I like. I’ve liked him for a long time since we were fifteen. I always stutter my words around him and I can never say what I mean. And, well, today I told him;  I said, “Adrien, I like you” and he said, “you’re a great friend, Marinette”. A great friend.” Marinette frowned as she spoke. Chat felt foolish. So, this was his fault.

“Well, uh, what’s wrong with being a great friend?” He wanted to slap himself immediately after he spoke.

“Well, nothing actually. I find myself to be lucky to be his friend. He’s got a strict father and has only gone to public school for a few years, only for as long as I’ve known him. He’s a really great guy. He’s so kind and well-meaning. He’d move the Earth if someone asked him.” Marinette smiled as she spoke about him. Chat continued to blush furiously- was this really how Marinette saw him?

“He’s a lovely person and a great friend, so I’m lucky and honored he sees me as a friend too, I just wish I could mean more to him. I suppose a model wouldn’t want to be seen dating some common girl. He’d be better off being with a girl like him; a model. Someone super beautiful.” Marinette sighed wistfully after finishing her piece. Chat was feeling downright awful. He made her feel this way. He had ignored her feelings, made her feel less beautiful than she is.

“Marinette, you are stunning. You’re such a good person. There are such few genuinely good people out there and you are one of them. If he doesn’t see how truly beautiful and sweet, and how incredibly amazing you are,” Chat continued to mentally kick himself, unable to believe how incredibly stupid he is.

“Then, he doesn’t deserve you.” Chat’s voice was firm and true. Marinette felt weird being told how amazing she was by Chat. As Ladybug, she had become accustomed to praise from grateful Parisians and as Marinette, her friends and family complimented her fashion designs and video game skills pretty regularly; but there was something different in the way Chat talked about her. For a moment, she felt like the only girl in the world. She looked up at Chat from her position leaning on the railing that he was perched on. She stared into his eyes and the rooftop around her began trickling away into a glittery rainfall leaving only her and Chat watching each other with bated breath, waiting for the other to say something.

“You know, you’re pretty incredible yourself.” Marinette began after a moment of deafening silence. Chat cocked his head to the side slightly. He hadn’t anticipated the conversation to switch to him and he wasn’t sure if he could stand Marinette praising him after he broke her heart so.

“Oh, please. I already know I’m paw-some.” Chat said with a flip of his tail and toss of his hair with a flamboyant flair that hid his insecurities. Marinette rolled her eyes- of course he would make her complimenting him difficult.

“I mean it, you dumb cat. You are amazing. You’re not just “Ladybugs sidekick”. You’re so brave and always ready to jump headfirst into danger to save her or someone else. You are a hero, Chat Noir.” Marinette smiled up kindly at him. She always knew Chat was a born hero. When they were first starting out, it was she who had doubts about her ability of being a superhero. He never wavered about his destiny to be a hero or hers. He always believed in her, since the beginning. Which was why she valued having him by her side during  all their challenges. Of course, she couldn’t reveal any of the depth of her admiration for him without revealing she is Ladybug but she was hoping she was able to convey some of it.

Chat was blushing profusely. Ladybug had said something a few years ago, during Hero’s Day. She had made him feel so special after feeling worthless as a hero and now Marinette was doing the same thing; making him feel special.

“Well, thank you, Princess. And, might I add, you’ve got quite the fur-tastic jammies on.” He covered his bashfulness with light teasing on her Chat Noir-themed pajamas. Marinette looked down and squeaked as she blushed.

“Oh, gosh! You probably think I’m some weird superfan whose in love with you! I got these as a bit of a joke with a friend, I swear I’m not crazy!” Chat was reduced to a laughing fit, which made Marinette get over her embarrassed feelings and laugh alongside him.

Joy and light-hearted fun filled the nighttime air, making the world slip away from the rooftop as Chat and Marinette continued to laugh and joke and, what some would say, flirt. Hours passed quickly and they stayed up late talking. Marinette told him about Alya and how she runs the LadyBlog and how it’s her dream to figure out who Ladybug and Chat Noir are- not to expose their identities but to prove that she is a formidable journalist. She talked about Nino and his dream of becoming the world’s greatest DJ and how his skills were incredible and that he was so talented. And though it made her heart weep, she talked about Adrien and how his skills in piano, fencing, school subjects, and modeling were “just the greatest”. Chat hung on her every word as she described their friends and how talented her whole class was, even though he knew it all already, it was like learning it for the first time hearing her view on things. Even as she described his interests and endeavors as Adrien, he felt enamored.

When Chat’s ring began to blink alerting that he would transform soon, they realized how long they had been out there talking.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to talk your ear off for...five hours!” Exclaimed Marinette, while looking at the time. She was astonished that they had talked for this long.  

“That’s alright, I enjoyed every second of our time together, purr-incess. You should get some rest, however. You’re a growing girl.” He stood up and stretched his arms above his head. He found that he was having a difficult leaving Marinette’s rooftop, he wanted to stay with her. Walk with her to school in the morning, go home with her at lunch to indulge in some of Mr. and Mrs. Dupain-Cheng’s wonderful patisseries.

“You should get some rest too, Kitty Cat. However, we should do this again sometime. I...I had fun.” She smiled at him brightly. Chat felt flushed under her unwaveringly kind look, as if the look that graced her lovely features was  specifically for him.

“Agreed. But for now, adieu, my- princess.” Chat faltered his words slightly as he almost called her the nickname he used only for Ladybug.

“Goodnight, Chat.” Marinette moved towards the trapdoor, opening it rather slowly, finding that she didn’t want to leave this moment in time.

“Goodnight, Marinette.”

And with that, Chat jumped off the roof and headed for his home. Marinette smiled, baffled at where the evening went.

As she lay in bed that night, listening to the quiet snores of Tikki, she replayed the whole evening in her head. Her belly ached from all the laughing, her cheeks hurt from all the smiling and her heart felt so light, she thought it might burst right out of her chest. As she lulled to sleep, she thought about  taking down the myriad of Adrien pictures and memorabilia from her room. It was clear to her that he only saw her as a friend and she felt that she needed to move on.

Adrien, having de-transformed, lay exhausted on his bed after having laid out a fresh pile of cheese for an equally exhausted kwami who complained tirelessly about being overworked and underpaid. Adrien felt lighter than air. He never knew Marinette’s company could be so refreshing as she typically stuttered or was quiet around him but under the guise of Chat Noir, Marinette’s glittering personality shined brighter than a million stars. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to see her at school without blushing.

It seemed hard for the both of them to believe, but as they faded off to sleep, they were both certain that they were looking at the other in a new, brighter light.

                                                 The End

Word Count: 3,378

I hope you enjoyed it! Much love!! xx

[rufousnmacska]

Secrets and Confessions Part 4

A Crescent City Ruhn-Hypaxia fic

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

*****

Part 4

*****

“What the Hel, Danaan?”

Flynn turned the empty bottle of scotch upside down, letting what little remained trickle out. He caught himself before calling Ruhn a drunk. “I thought you’d at least wait for us.”

Ruhn ignored him and started up the stairs. He heard Dec come through the door and then the two males were whispering. He knew it was about him. But he didn’t listen. Didn’t care.

He’d quickly fallen back into old habits in the last week. Drinking, smoking, going to clubs or staying in for the parties his friends held here. He never did more than sit there, alone and drowning in scotch and self pity. Bryce’s growing concern hadn’t even been enough to snap him out of this.

Stumbling into his room, he fell onto the bed, fully clothed and soaring from whatever he’d just smoked. He’d almost forgotten how much he had always relied on this. But now, he actually kind of hated the oblivion. Sure, it helped him relax, helped him sleep.

But then, so had she.

And there’d been no nasty hangover from her. Just heartache.

Shit, he was pathetic. It was no wonder it hadn’t worked.

He looked around the room, his eyes losing and regaining focus on a chaos of clothes and weapons and equipment and junk. He’d once tried to imagine her here, in this bed with him. A laugh escaped his lips and he jumped, surprised by the sound.

The buzz of his phone made him flinch again. Wishing he could bash the fucking thing against a wall, he pulled a pillow up over his head instead. If he didn’t need it for Aux duties, he would destroy it. His only other responsibility was a joke. The Chosen One, Starborn Prince, Heir of the Valbaran Fae ... meaningless titles for a worthless little prince who was nothing more than his father’s lapdog.

He laughed again, thinking, at the very least, he was damn good at pouting.

Another buzz came, muffled by the pillow but still audible. Against his better judgment, Ruhn reached over to the bedside table, knocking empty glasses over in a blind search for the phone. When he got a hold of it, he took a breath before cracking open an eye to see who’d texted.

He was expecting Hypaxia. Not hoping. Expecting.

She’d messaged him almost every day with what he assumed were apologies. He never opened them, never replied. Never scrolled through the photos he’d taken with her. Didn’t care that it had been two days since her last text. He definitely was not hoping to see her name pop up.

But it wasn’t her. It was Bryce with the second of her twice-a-day check-ins to see if he was still breathing. Those were here exact words. Every time.

Hey!

Are you still breathing?

No, he wanted to reply. How can I with my chest caved in?

Instead, he wrote back

Yes. Contemplating a career change. Writing for Fangs and Bangs. Seems I have a talent for melodrama. Good stuff.

He imagined Pax laughing at that as Bryce replied

You??? Never. I’ve never once thought of you as a drama queen. Never. Never ever.

Seeing the word queen made Hypaxia’s presence in his thoughts pound like a drum. Or maybe that was just his fucking head.

Nice. So you inherited all of the dq genes from dad then?

She sent him a middle finger followed by a heart.

Hypaxia had never sent those kinds of things until he’d shown her how, telling her the double meanings behind some of the more innocent looking symbols. After a day or two of nothing but faces and animals and magical signs, he’d teased her, telling her he’d created a monster. Immediately, she’d sent a string of little beasts and devils. Trailed by a heart. The memory filled him with heat, and in a far off way, like he was watching himself from outside his body, he realized he was smiling.

As if summoned by his thoughts of her, his phone buzzed in his hand and notification of a new message popped up. Before he could stop himself, his finger hit the name Pax, and it opened.

I miss you.

That’s all it said.

Ruhn squeezed his eyes shut. And he saw her sitting in the sunny courtyard at her clinic, drinking tea and laughing. He saw her watching him from across a crowded room, her dark eyes like magnets pulling him towards her. He saw her writhing atop him, the curls of her hair wrapped around his fingers, her mouth open in pleasure. He heard her voice, the chords and notes so lovely and silky to his fae ears that her singing left him weak in the knees.

He saw her whispering with Ketos, heard them discussing his suitability for their fucking rebellion. Saw her flinch way from him in fear.

He stared at his phone, long enough for the words to stop making sense. And long enough again for their meaning to come back around. Something about the quiet simplicity of those three words moved him to type.

I miss you too.

Or maybe it was something about the high he had going on. Fuck him. Without hitting send, he shut the thing off and tossed it on the floor.

After another draw on his cigarette, Ruhn welcomed the oblivion, and finally fell asleep.

*****

The message was read. Unlike all the others, he’d actually looked at this one. Hypaxia watched and waited as the cursor flashed in a steady rhythm. He was replying.

The anticipation made her suck in and hold her breath. With each flash indicating Ruhn was typing, she imagined what he might say.

Fuck you was highly likely. Or some other curse. That wouldn’t bother her. She’d rather get an angry reply than nothing. Anger would eventually fade. Nothing meant he was done.

When her chest started to burn from the lack of air, she inhaled shakily, realizing her phone must be toying with her. A few moments later, the cursor disappeared and the only thing left was a read at 10:33 notice.

It was nothing, then.

Hypaxia looked around her empty apartment. The tiny place had never felt so claustrophobic before. Even when Ruhn had stayed over, taking up more than his fair share of space with his booming laughter and tall, muscular frame. Somehow, without him here, it felt smaller.

She was not one to mope. Even during those first few weeks grieving the loss of her mother, she’d stayed busy and focused. That loss, while devastating, had been the result of a prolonged illness. There had been time to prepare. Closure.

The loss of Ruhn had been like a blunt force trauma. It hit her out of the blue and left her with no means of recovery.

The severity of it, the fact she was even comparing it to her mother’s death ... That was one more weight added to her collection, dragging her ever downward. She had not realized how entrenched he’d become in her life.

The ring of her phone made her jump and she scrambled to answer. But it wasn’t him. And thank the damn gods it wasn’t Tharion. The mer meant well, checking in on her between calls about the rebellion. But she wasn’t in the mood for a pep talk, or to discuss strategy about the upcoming meeting with Jesiba.

“Hello, Bryce,” she said, trying to hide her disappointment that it wasn’t the female’s brother instead. “What can I help you with?” Hypaxia expected some medical question, perhaps a request for an appointment.

But instead, Bryce asked, “So what’s happening with my brother? He’s barely functioning and I was only just now told” - there was a muffled sound like someone being punched, then a gruff Hey! - “you might know why.”

“What do you mean barely functioning?” There was no hiding her emotions this time. “Is he okay?”

“He’s just wallowing,” she said, trying to sound dismissive. But she wouldn’t have called if she wasn’t worried. “I’d assumed it was from my father being a dick. But that’s an all the time kind of thing. And Ruhn is used to it.”

Hypaxia didn’t bother saying that no one would get used to the awful treatment doled out by the Autumn King. That was something the half-fae knew as well as her brother.

“I didn’t know you were seeing each other,” Bryce added.

Impossibly, her heart sank further. Their relationship hadn’t been front page news. But she’d thought his sister had known.

“Hello? Are you there Hypaxia?”

“Yes, yes I’m here. Sorry, I was ...” But she trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Bryce must have known what she was thinking because she said, “Don’t read into that. After you two first met, I could tell that he liked you. And while he’s annoying and feels entitled to know the details of my life, he hardly ever reciprocates. But, he’s been different these past few months. Happier and calm. I suspected there was someone new in his life. I just didn’t know who.”

Hypaxia was silent, recalling when they’d first met. Not officially, not with names. Or, at least assumed names. She hadn’t been in the city long, working at the clinic and responding to some of the more unusual calls for a medwitch at crime scenes, hoping to get more information about what was happening and whether it was a danger to her witches. She’d seen him in the news, had even seen him from afar on a couple of occasions.

But it was at the murder of the temple guard in Asphodel Meadows that they’d first spoken. Hypaxia remembered how intense Ruhn was, not just about gathering the details of the scene, but about his sister. Long before he knew of her true abilities, he’d been a protective, loving brother.

He’d enchanted her that night, despite the grisly surroundings. Apparently, she’d done the same to him.

Cthona, that felt like ages ago.

“Are you still there?” Bryce’s voice was quiet and gentle.

“Yes,” she replied. “Sorry my mind wandered a bit there. Uh, yes, we’ve been together. Until recently.” An overwhelming urge to spill everything to Bryce came over her. The rebels were off limits of course. But the thought of having a friend to talk to, a friend who might offer advice or just listen, someone who didn’t only see her as a queen … The cold emptiness she felt wasn’t just from the vacant apartment. Or Ruhn’s notable absence.

With a quick shot of courage, she said, “I can’t really go into details about the how and the why, but I messed up. And I’ve been trying to contact him to apologize but he’s not answering. Can you give me his address?” She faltered, and said, “It must sound ridiculous that I don’t know where he lives. It’s just that we always stayed at my place.”

Bryce snorted a laugh. “That’s not ridiculous. His place is a sty. Literally. Flynn once had a pig as a pet. And I felt bad for it having to live there.”

Hypaxia heard Hunt laughing in the background and she joined in. “That’s okay. I’m not concerned about the state of his house.”

“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Bryce gave her the address for a townhouse near the Old Square then paused before adding, “I’d give it some time though. He’s pretty sensitive. No matter how hard he tries to hide it, he wears his heart on his sleeve. It’s one reason our father looks down on him. There’s no room for emotion in that asshole’s world. Whatever happened between you … maybe wait a couple of days.”

“Yes, I know,” she said, thinking of all those conversations, in writing and in person, where Ruhn surprised her with his sweet nature. No, not surprised. She’d sensed it early on. But his tenderness always seemed so disparate from his cultivated appearance. Which, of course, was the point. And, according to Bryce, not as successful as he thought it was. “Thank you. I’m leaving tomorrow to attend to some things at home for a few days. I’ll wait until I get back.”

“Okay. Good luck! Not that you’ll need it. He’s crazy about you. Once he quits sulking he’ll realize that. I only mean good luck about surviving his shitty house. Call me if you need help finding your way out of the mess.”

For a second, she wasn’t sure if Bryce was talking about Ruhn’s place or her life. But there was a smile in Bryce’s voice. And a warmth that spoke of genuine affection. As if they were already friends.

Laughing and thanking her again, Hypaxia said goodnight. Thinking of Bryce as a friend, as someone who liked her, apart from Ruhn, made some of the chill dissipate.

But only some.

Later, as she lay in bed, Hypaxia thought about the blinking cursor. It wasn’t just nothing. He’d looked at the message and wanted to reply. That gave her hope.

To be continued...

*****

Thanks for reading!

My fanfic master list on tumblr and my writing on AO3 (mostly manorian with a little nessian)

Tagging @itach-i @queen-of-glass

[quirkless-and-embarrassed]

Regarding the character ask meme: I'd love to see your take on Tamaki!

HE IS ONE OF MY FAVES. As you can probably tell by my icon. I’m sorry this took me so long, but I couldn’t resist beginning the new season as I was working on this, aaand geeking out over the anime took up more time than I thought 😂

Answers under the cut because I could not resist including lots of images and because whoa this really got away from me. Spoilers for season 4 of the anime!

Favorite things about him:

tl;dr adorable+disaster+badass = instant KO

i. He’s never believed that the quirk makes the hero. Granted, it’s from his own insecurity that he believes that, but even when Mirio’s quirk was a liability, Amajiki looked up to him as a great hero. It’s especially refreshing to see because everyone else places so much emphasis on what their quirk can do.

ii. Also, his insecurity. Amajiki describes himself as a plain, boring person so terrified of failure that his brain goes blank when he even considers it. He’s not blush-y or stutter-y or those other tics associated with cutely shy characters—his face is kinda awkwardly inexpressive…he actually looks constipated when he attempts to address class 1-a during his debut…and I get a sense of stillness from him, like someone who freezes up instead of fidgeting. But he’s not fishing for encouragement. He’s likely to bluntly, unhappily shoot down any attempt to praise him because that makes the pressure even worse! No “thank you for believing in me, I’ll do my best,” no, “oh you’re too kind, that’s not true,” he’s like: “no, just…no. shit. what now? I’m not Mirio.”

iii. His relationship with Mirio. What he admires most about Mirio is how, when he goes down, Mirio always rises back up—like the sun—filled with warmth instead of with self-recrimination. He draws people in and fills them with energy. Amajiki painfully believes he isn’t capable of any of that, but he trusts Mirio, and Mirio tells him that there’s plenty of warmth to him even if Amajiki can’t sense it in himself, and even if Amajiki is filled by fear at the idea of failure, he, too, energizes Mirio when he faces his problems anyways. They talk, build each other up, and accept each others’ feelings. Amajiki still wants to be like Mirio (cue “imitation is the sincerest form of…”), but he’s learning that even though he’ll never be Mirio, he and Mirio are alike in the ways that matter most.

iv. it’s as gay as the day is long.

v. How steadfast he is. Given his anxiety, it’s not immediately obvious, but Amajiki’s doubts and insecurities center on his capabilities and self-worth—not on his principles or about what needs to be done. When he’s worried about something, he doesn’t even try to hide it, there’s something very forthright and grounded about the way he struggles to confront the current obstacle.

vi. He’s such a goofball when he’s alone with Mirio. Here he is pretending to sever his thumb. Look at that smile. And Mirio’s habit of pumping his arms when he’s excited is nearly as cute.

vii. His hero name is awesome. Suneater. Talk about names that represent your ideal self…

viii. Amajiki doesn’t win his battle against Overhaul’s thugs by discovering his confidence and whipping out a super move (which, incidentally, he attempts via flashback+miritama feels and it fails resoundingly). He wins with the power of friendship, but it’s not the typical Power of Friendship spiel.

He fights three side-characters whose names I never remember, so I call them the garbage trio: theft quirk guy (similar to how Amajiki “steals” the forms of what he eats), a guy who manifests crystals, and gluttony guy. Funnily enough, the three have terrible self-esteem issues! They’re fanatically loyal to Overhaul because he’s willing to use them as sacrificial pawns, and being a pawn is better than being rejected as garbage (which each has as his tragic past).

So the narrative presents Amajiki with two types of bonds. Will he identify with the trio’s loyalty to Overhaul, founded on their sense of worthlessness? Or will he identify with their loyalty to one another, founded on their empathy for each others’ tragic pasts? Essentially: what kind of relationship does he have with Mirio?

It’s not even a contest. Amajiki immediately and fully rejects the Overhaul-brand loyalty as brainwashing and focuses on the bond he understands, the “friends don’t eat friends” bond.

So Amajiki recognizes his opponents’ humanity when even they couldn’t. Even though they thought of themselves as nothing more than Overhaul’s tools, Amajiki intuited that the bonkers guy who shouts “eat! eat! eat!” wouldn’t bite his crystal friend when Amajiki used him as a shield. In doing this, Amajiki proved that their lives have more value to each other more than they ever will to Overhaul. He explicitly praises them for trusting each other—something they can take pride in because they forged it themselves—and ultimately removes their masks, symbolically freeing them from Overhaul’s ownership.

It was a cool idea because usually I see the protagonist summon up reserves of power he didn’t know he had in order to protect his comrades, but when Amajiki was inspired by remembering how Mirio believes in him, it doesn’t actually work because the garbage trio calls on their own bond to counter his power-up. Or usually it’s the antagonist who turns the protagonists’ love for each other against them, and here it was reversed. Except Amajiki used their friendship against them not out of contempt for their bond, “oh your love makes you so weak and predictable,” but out of respect for it, “love is what makes you strong, and I know that because it makes me strong, too.”

ix. His weird, pointy ears.

x. His dub voice acting: it’s stellar. Props to Aaron Dismuke, highly recommend watching his episodes in the dub.

Least favorite things about him:

His first name, Tamaki. It just never sticks in my mind—Amajiki is much more distinctive. (Apparently I have some sort of big three mental block, because I can rarely remember Mirio’s and Nejire’s last names, either.)

He didn’t really grow or learn anything from his fight against the garbage trio. He was already confident in his bond with Mirio, and the whole reason he volunteered to fight the trio was that he thought he could win, so it was basically a high-stakes training exercise in sticking to his guns. I think the purpose of the fight was to teach the audience that he and Mirio are a positive foil for bakudeku, providing another way Mirio is superior to Midoriya + amping Mirio up before his tragedy-slash-victory, so it’s a shame Amajiki’s most major scene wasn’t about himself.

I wish he had more screen time, I wish he had more development, I wish we got his reaction to Mirio losing his quirk, I wish had scenes with more characters than just Mirio, Kirishima, and Fat Gum, etc. The usual gripes about faves who are side characters.

Favorite lines:

Ch132 – I love how forthright he is lol. No attempt to put up a strong front.

Ch132 – When the thug Amajiki’s fighting shouts at him, his feelings are hurt 😂 also bonus for kiri trying to comfort him

Ch135 – cool as a cucumber

And two I won’t include the panels for…

His badass line in 141, “I might not understand your rage. Your grief. Everything that led you here…but I know all about solid bonds! And my friends don’t use each other! Because friends don’t eat friends.”

and when he collapses after beating the garbage trio:*THUD* Huh…why’s the floor so close to my face?doofus

BROTPs:

Kirishima!! His pep talks to Amajiki while they were on patrol were really cute. I can only imagine how he handles Kirishima and Tetsutetsu! He’s totally the third wheel, and normally he’s happy to be! But sometimes he watches the two hype each other up and gets depressed about it because he’s never that positive and encouraging. Sometimes Fat Gum leaves Amajiki in charge and it seriously stresses him out because Tetsutetsu occasionally charges off to do his own thing and it’s a whole ordeal to rein him in.

And oh shit, Nejire’s personality is just as cute as Amajiki’s, I’d love to see more of the two of them hanging out. (and just…more of Nejire in general, please. Her debut was so funny and then Horikoshi did nothing with her.)

In class-a, I’m curious to see how Amajiki and Yaoyorozu would get along. They’re both gifted students with confidence issues and quirks that depend on eating, so it would be nice to see them hit it off. I’d also be interested to see Amajiki and Bakugo interact, especially with Kirishima there.

Also, since Amajiki has such a preoccupation with exuberant, confident people, I’d love to see him somehow meet Inasa.

This isn’t a brotp, but I’ll bet Nighteye intimidated the shit out of Amajiki… Mirio told Amajiki endless anecdotes about Nighteye but it didn’t work, till the day he dies Amajiki will still get clammy any time he thinks of Nighteye’s glare or the purported tickle machine.

Again not a brotp, but I’d love to see Amajiki vs. Shigaraki. That sounds like an awesome fight. (…ideally before Shigaraki gets all OP and only Midoriya can beat him.)

OTP:

Mirio.

NOTP:

Nobody comes to mind.

Random headcanons:

Most of the food Amajiki eats goes into his quirk; he doesn’t properly extract its caloric and nutritional value, and if he’s not careful, he could accidentally become malnourished. (It also makes it difficult to put on muscle.) So he eats a ton, to make sure he has enough to fuel both his quirk and his body, and he’s self-conscious at how much more he eats than other people.

When Amajiki vomits, his quirk is weakened to the point it’s basically null. He has to take a break and chow down before he can use it again. …Re-ingesting the puke is…not an option.

Clothing is a big issue for his hero work. He could develop a really powerful fighting style, one that involves producing limbs from his back and torso, if he were willing to wear a little less…but that’s never going to happen. Mirio can run around naked, but Amajiki can’t!

I don’t know if this is a translation quirk or fanon or what, but I adore it when Nejire calls Amajiki “chicken-hearted” in fanfiction. It’s a short, cute joke about his quirk and I wholeheartedly hc it. I also think Amajiki is closer to Nejire than Mirio is.

Amajiki doesn’t deal with his self-esteem issues by minimizing his challenges. He doesn’t make cheap compromises like, “ok, I know I can do this because it’s so easy even someone like me can do it.” He goes for broke, for being the spectacular hero Suneater, because even if he can’t perceive his own positive qualities, he believes that they’re there.

One of the (many) reasons Amajiki admires Mirio is that Mirio admires him, and Amajiki wants to be able to like himself, too.

When it comes down to it, his self-worth is nowhere near as desperately poor as the garbage trio because he knows true friendship. Maybe if he’d never met Mirio, Amajiki would have been susceptible to their sort of devotion, but now he never will be because Mirio’s encouraged him to value himself. Amajiki won’t accept a bond that relies on degrading yourself—which is important to know, since Amajiki constantly compares himself to Mirio. But Amajiki’s sense of inferiority is chronic without being proportionately deep. He adopted the name Suneater to declare himself Mirio’s equal, and his climactic line of the garbage trio battle, “friends don’t eat friends,” is one that asserts equality and puts his quirky spin on it to show he’s made the principle his own. Amajiki may not like himself but he doesn’t let it get in the way of taking his place as Mirio’s peer.

Amajiki’s parents are also anxious people.

Mirio is his neighbor at the UA dorms. It’s perfect because Mirio can permeate their the shared wall and they can hang out after curfew. (Mirio keeps a pair of sweatpants in Amajiki’s room for those occasions lol.) Nejire is jealous and always talks about gate-crashing, but she never gets around to it. Even after Mirio loses his quirk, his sweatpants stay in Amajiki’s room because neither of them can quite bring themselves to give those times up.

I am a sucker for making characters’ quirks reflect something fundamental about their hearts, so here’s my take on manifest. Amajiki manifests what he eats, meaning he absorbs from his environment and re-creates it in his own style. It’s not imitation, since Amajiki with one cow hoof and one tentacle, kicking ass, resembles neither a cow or an octopus, but he takes the best from what’s around him and reinvents it. “Suneater”? Thanks to how his friendship with Mirio gave him a stable, nourishing environment, he’s absorbed his favorite of Mirio’s traits and manifests them in his own way, as his own strength, because as even name of his quirk implies—manifestation makes latent qualities visible.

Like Bakugo, Amajiki could have resented Mirio for his strengths; like the garbage trio, he could have let his failures convince him that he’s worthless; but Amajiki consistently makes the best of the cards he’s dealt, even though it involves plenty of doubt and self-flagellation that could lead him down a darker path…but don’t. He’s greater than his demons.

Unpopular opinion:

Amajiki’s shy, but…not that shy. He gets like stiffly shy.

Amajiki still has a ways to go before he’s ready to date Mirio. (Not sure what’s the popular opinion on this.)

I really wish class 1-a versus Mirio had been class 1-a versus Mirio and Amajiki. It would have been so cool to see what amazing teamwork they had and how their quirks were compatible.

Song I associate with him:

Titanium—absolutely. I like the versions by Sia, Boyce Avenue, and Kurt Schneider (I couldn’t choose). Circles by Veela reminds me of his spiraling anxiety. And, I can’t resist, so I’m adding Chasing the Sun by The Wanted on here.

Aaand my ship songs…Appreciated by Rixton, and All of Me by John Legend.

Favorite picture of him:

Ch141 – Ironclad certainty. I’m not even gonna apologize for the dimensions and the fact this is huge, just drink it in.

Ch132 – If this isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen, I will never trust your judgment.

Ch152 – Unless it’s because this is the cutest.

Ch152 – When Mirio loses his quirk 💔

I’ve also answered these questions for Todoroki, Bakugo, Uraraka, Endeavor, Sir Nighteye, and Shinsou!

[mysteli]

A Million Reasons (Drake X MC)

A/N: This is the final part of my random series on TRR! I enjoyed writing and especially this fic because it was very complex and fun to write! Mostly angsty but gets fluffy at the end! Thanks for reading! Hope you like it! I really liked this! Enjoy! ❤️❤️❤️

Tags: @princesstopgun @mechaspirit @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @endlessly-searching-for-you @skyila @mind-reader1 @mymandrake @blackwidow2721 @speedyoperarascalparty @eileendannie @brightpinkpeppercorn (Let me know if you wanna be tagged)

Warning: T

Masterlist (check out for other parts)

That’s right. Drake left. He straight up walked out of the damn door, leaving Reagan to face Liam alone and explain to him how much she loves Drake when she really should be saying it to him. Honestly, she should have expected this. She should have known he wouldn’t last for the long run. He’d always talked about how if she should go for Liam and leave him behind then he wouldn’t care - which Reagan didn’t believe for one second. He would try to put on brave face but she always saw right through him and she’d reassure him by saying the words...

I’ll always choose you. 

And for a while, he just might’ve believed her but he still forced himself to believe that she’ll change her mind and realise that a lifetime with a king is a million times better than a life with Drake. She has a million reasons not to be him yet she can’t find one that makes it all impossible. But Drake still left. 

Now, he’s parading through the courtyard, knowing he has to get as far away from Cordonia as possible. This is the only way to make sure that Reagan is happy and understands how much she’s risking if she decides to be with him. He always told her it was her choice about who she wanted in her life but now, Drake’s not giving her the option. He’s putting everything on the line just to get away from her and it’s by far, the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. 

He hasn’t even packed a suitcase, he’s just pacing surprisingly fast with only the clothes on his back to survive off. He doesn’t know where he’s gonna go or what he’s gonna do but he sure as hell isn’t gonna let anybody stop him.

Not even Reagan Kennedy. 

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks since Drake and it still hurts the same way it did when he first walked out that door. Every night, Reagan’s spent crying and sobbing over the loss and neglect she truly feels. Don’t miss the fact that people have tried to comfort her. 

Her friends have tried to cheer her up. Maxwell has been making her meals and bringing them up to her, since she never wants to leave her room. When he does visit her, he always tried to cheer her up by not letting her talk about Drake and telling her jokes and funny stories instead. Sometimes it works and other times it just causes her to break down, as she sobs in her best friend’s arms. Maxwell is the only one aware of the way Drake and Reagan feel about each other. He caught them when everyone went camping and he noticed Reagan sneaking into Drake’s tent. That seemed like what gave it away. In some way, Maxwell is the one she knew she could trust with the secret the most. Of course, he was disappointed to know that she wasn’t marrying Liam but at the same time, he wants her to be happy and decided to approve of their relationship. There was even a moment where Maxwell deepened his voice and said firmly to Drake: 

“You better take care of her.”

Drake only rolled his eyes and couldn’t hold back a low chuckle but then his eyes went serious and his next words kind of took Reagan by surprise.

“Until I die,” Drake suddenly said and Reagan couldn’t decide if it was by accident or not but it was definitely the truth. She could see it in his chestnut eyes - he only ever looks that way when he’s serious about something. He really wanted to protect her and he really wanted a lifetime with her. 

That’s definitely a favourite moment and that told Maxwell how much Drake was willing to do for Reagan - even if it didn’t last long. He’s tried his best to reassure her, even going as far as saying that Drake might come back. And that’s what made her sob the most, knowing their was no certain possibility that she may ever see him again. 

Then there’s Hana, who’s probably the one who visits her the most. She always brings entertainment, like a board game or a really ‘Hana’ activity, something innocent and cute. Some of the things she brought she didn’t know anything about and it was a fun distraction for Reagan to teach Hana how to play. One of the games she brought was Monopoly and Hana’s definite favourite. She won literally every time. The more times they played it, the quicker she won. Other games they played was Truth or Dare, which again is a favourite for Hana, as it makes her do the most crazy games. Even though they played a more tame version because of Reagan’s delicate state, it was still the most fun Reagan has had in days. Hana’s the one who tries to see the light in every situation and she always knows how to say the right thing. She’s tried attempting to reason with Reagan that she should just move on but also find a way to follow her heart. Once she blurted out that she knows that Drake won’t be able to leave Cordonia for long. Well, it’s been two weeks and still no Drake. 

As well as her best friends, Reagan has had some lectures from Bertrand about how she shouldn’t have gone for Drake in the first place and that hurt a lot because she knows that he’s right. Of course, he added pressure by saying it’d be better and right for House Beaumont if she just married Liam. Problem is, she doesn’t wanna do that. She just wants to be with Drake and not have to deal with all the complications.

As for Liam, well, she’s been hesitant to talk to him. Sometimes, he knocks on her door, asking if she’s okay. However, she ignores him almost every time. Luckily, he couldn’t stay mad at her for long and their last conversation was a pep talk and heart to heart about how Liam thinks her and Drake would have been great but now he’s gone, she should look to the future and search for someone else. Of course, he was referring to himself and that rips at Reagan’s heart. How many times does she have to say that she doesn’t want to marry Liam!? It can’t be that hard to believe!

Now, after two weeks of no Drake, Reagan has been informed by Maxwell that she has to leave her room today for a meeting with the press. They wanna talk to her about clearing her name and the whole situation with Tariq. As much as she doesn’t want to, she has to. It’s best for her reputation and everyone else if she focuses on clearing her name. 

Maxwell says she has to look presentable because the press will notice her appearance. Has they ever been a time when they haven’t? As Maxwell leaves, she starts searching through her closet for the best outfit for this meeting.

In the end, she doesn’t go as classy as they want her to go. Eagerly, she throws on a clean, white blazer and a black halter top that tucks into the light-wash, ripped jeans she picked out. That’s right. She’s gonna wear jeans to a press meeting. Lastly, Reagan slaps on her black, high feels and stumbles out the door, smoothing out her raven hair as she does.

Immediately, she comes face to face with Maxwell, who’s eyes widen at the sight of her. As he skins over her appearance, his eyes pause when he catches sight of the light jeans she’s wearing. His gaze rises and he raises an eyebrow questioningly at her.

“Damn, aren’t you a little rebel?” He jokes and Reagan releases a sigh of relief when he approves of her look or just appreciates her lack of care with everything that’s been happening. “But Bertrand ain’t gonna like it.”

Reagan can’t help but giggle. A wave of realisation suddenly hits her and she rolls her dark eyes. “Bertrand can go to hell. I never wanted to do this freaking thing in the first place.” She claims, a ruthless hint in her tone and Maxwell can suddenly see the mental images of Drake hovering over her. 

He places a hand on her arm and smiles reassuringly. “Hey. This is the final step to clearing your name. After that, you can brood all you want about Drake.” Maxwell tries to make a joke but Reagan’s expression just falls drastically and a feeling of regret suddenly breaks him. “Oh man, Reagan I-“

“Let’s just go, Maxwell.” Reagan urges, quickly dashing down the halls of the castle with Maxwell following closely behind her. Anger and frustration causes her hands to ball into her fists and her veins start activating her nerves. 

As they continue to make it outside, where all the press impatiently await her arrival, Reagan tries to calm herself by taking slow deep breaths. Inhale and exhale. Finally relaxing, she releases her hands and continues the soothing breathing.

Eventually, they make it outside, instantly coming face to face with the press and a very large crowd. A blinding light explodes in Reagan’s eyes, blurring her vision momentarily. Snapping cameras flicker on and off and deafening cheers awake in the crowd.

As Reagan shoots one more glance at Maxwell, releasing a deep sigh, she steps up to the pedestal, tapping the microphone to make sure it works but it only increases her nerves. She’d done this before. Why is she so nervous?

Faint questions already start coming out of nowhere, as Reagan clears her throat and prepares to speak. “Hello, Cordonia,” She begins, gulping like she’s swallowed a rock. “I’m here today to finally clear my name and I’ll take any questions any of you have.”

The first half of the interview goes smoothly, mediocre questions coming back and forth. Also, Tariq makes an idle statement, confirming that Reagan did nothing wrong and that and it was really just him being a massive creep, which it was. But when Reagan thinks back to that night, all she pictures is Drake. The way he punched Tariq right in his worthless face just for getting too close for comfort. It seemed like he was just looking out for her but that was also that he confessed his feelings for her. That made Reagan’s heart melt. She had been so focused on fitting in in Cordonia that she was completely oblivious about how she felt about Drake. Because of that, now he’s gone. 

After Tariq’s statement, Reagan steps up to the pedestal for some last views and final questions. Hopefully, the conclusion is promising and Cordonia will accept her as one of their own again. 

Clearing her throat, she sighs into the microphone, as cameras continue to flash her way. “Thank you for listening and considering the evidence. I’m here now if you have any final questions.” She states simply, shaking her head and knowing that she doesn’t really wanna answer them but she has to - to fulfil what Drake wanted for her. To have her own happiness in Cordonia. 

“Miss Kennedy, do you forgive Tariq for what he did to you?” One of the reporters ask, everyone suddenly eyeing her expectantly.

For a moment, she contemplates, really considering her answer on this question. “I don’t know. What he did to me was wrong and an unnecessary way of trying to make me look like an idiot. But I will say this, I know that Tariq had no real malicious intentions.” She answers, proud how she responded and all the reporters take a minute or process that. “Anything else?”

“Now that your name is cleared, do you have any plans to marry any time soon?” Once she hears the question, her heart sinks into her chest - she can almost feel the bullet hole. Blankly, she eyes the crowd before staring down at the stand, uncertain how to respond. Silently, she looks back to the people around her. All of them look worried and anxious for what she’s gonna say. Maxwell is there. Hana is there. Liam is there. But Drake isn’t there. Maybe he never was

Tears start to rise in her eyes and of course, everyone seems to notice. “I...” She gulps into the microphone and it speaks uncontrollably, as if desperate for a response like the crowd is. “...I have to go.” She says, before leaping off the stand and running like a lost puppy away from everything. Away from everyone. 

Once she’s out of view from the outside world, she continues to dart around the castle, searching for some way to just escape and not have to deal with anymore of the shit life has to offer.

Honestly, she doesn’t know what she doing anymore. Why is she here? She shouldn’t be. This could have been anyone’s dream but it was supposed to be hers. And somehow she managed to turn it into a girl’s worst nightmare. 

Reagan suddenly pauses, reaching the edge of a grassy field that she’d been running in without realising, as she’s so deep in thought. A vast view stands before her, a giant lake dominantly acting as the centrepiece of it all. The burning sun glistens off the softly moving waves of the river, reflecting soothingly. The whistling wind brushes past the trees and rocks Reagan’s raven hair, giving her a sense of relief but tears still continue to pour from her bloodshot eyes.

Everything is fall apart and it’s all because she fell in love with that stupid bastard, Drake. 

Later, Reagan lies alone in her room, like she has been doing every night - drowning in her own regrets and mistakes, Drake always on her mind. She just can’t seem to shake him. Ever since he left, he seems to have more of an impact on her then when he was actually present at court. Maybe she’s finally realised that she can’t be without him and this is her experiencing what life is like without him. Believe her when she says that it fucking sucks.

Reagan’s collapsed on her bed, her raven hair fanned out on her canopy bed and her dark eyes are fixated on the roof of her bed, contemplating her entire life and of course the last few days. The press meeting was a disaster, especially with her sudden outburst and unexpected take off. She doesn’t regret it though. Running away is better than having to face everyone. Guess you could say that’s how Drake felt. 

All of a sudden, there’s a deafening knock on the door that startles Reagan out of her thoughts, forcing her to sit up. Her raven hair falls over to her shoulders and she groans in annoyance, really not in the mood to talk to anyone.

“Whoever it is. Please go away.” Reagan requests, releasing a heavy sigh and rolling her eyes when she recognises the voice that reaches out to her. 

“Rae, it’s Liam. Can we talk?” His voice sounds pleasing and desperate. Genuine concern floods his tone and Reagan’s pathetic guilt causes her to surrender and give in.

“Okay. Come in.” She allows Liam to come in and a weak, concerned smile crosses his face as he opens the door and steps into the room, immediately feeling the grim vibe hit him.

“Rae, are you okay? After that interview today...” Liam trails off, as he moves to sit beside Reagan. However, he stops himself and leans away warily, leaning against the bedpost instead. 

Hearing his words and watching his actions carefully, she furrows her eyebrows, knowing what he was about to say. “I know. I ran off because I got all fucked up about Drake again. Okay, I’ve heard it a million times.” Reagan remarks, tearing her eyes away from Liam and staring sheepishly at the golden sheets of her bed. 

Liam follows her gaze and frowns, suddenly realising how hurt she must be. For a moment, he just watches her like a hawk, taking in her damaged state for the first time in a while. Hell, this is the first time they’ve really talked since... Drake left. The dark circles under Reagan’s eyes are unmistakable and her lips are chapped and swollen. Her raven hair is still neat from the interview but other than that, she’s a mess. All because of Drake.

“Look, I know you care about him but I’m trying to understand why you’re here crying over him instead of going out there to look for him.” Liam suddenly explains and Reagan’s dark eyes snap up immediately. They widen slightly as she eyes Liam with complete and utter disbelief. Since when is he so keen for Reagan to go and pursue a romance with his best friend. 

Her features relax after a moment but she still can’t wrap her head around what he said. “You’re kidding me, right?” Reagan questions, still not believing she was talking to the same Liam. Just a week ago, he was going on about how she needs to get over Drake and move on. Now he’s saying she should go find him.

“I’m serious.” He claims, folding his arms in a solemn manor. Being serious and honest is Liam’s greatest trait. That’s how she knows he isn’t lying.

“You want me to go find Drake? He won’t come back.” 

“Maybe not but at least, you’ll get to see him and tell him you still love him. I’m sure that’ll change his mind.” Liam convinced her, smirking slightly which is definitely a rare sight on him. Surprised, Reagan can’t help but form board smile, mental images of Drake’s reaction playing in her head. Some good. Most bad.

“I... I don’t know.” 

“You don’t have to decide now.” Liam assures her and she exhales softly - acting as if she’d been holding her breath his entire time. As he spoke, Liam moves to the window, staring at the view outside momentarily. “I just recommend that you go to the courtyard. Some people are worried about you and your sudden disappearance during the interview. Plus, some fresh air will do you some good.” Liam adds, running a hand through his jet black hair and smiling kindly. This is Reagan’s favourite side of Liam. His thoughtful side.

After a moment of serious contemplating, Reagan exhales sharply. “Alright. I have to think about the Drake thing but you’re right, some fresh air sounds nice.” She points out, strolling over to Liam’s side and wrapping him in a comforting hug, knowing how hard this must be for him. “Thank you, Liam. For everything.” She thanks him with a grateful grin and he matches the size of her smile. 

“You’re welcome, Rae. I just want you to happy.”

After a long walk through the castle and down a whole lot of stairs, Reagan makes her way outside, a million thoughts circling her mind. She thought about Liam’s suggestion, still questioning it a little. Why would Liam ever want Reagan to go after his best friend? It just seemed strange but also believable at the same time. He said it himself, all he wants for her is happiness and if being with Drake is the way to do that, then so be it.

Wandering aimlessly through the grassy field she found before, mental images of Drake scatter her mind. Memories and visions of him. The sweet moments where he comforts her and reassures her all the time, making sure she knows that there are people that care about her, including him. Hell, especially him. The steamy moments where they went camping and had the closest encounter they ever had. More touching then there usually is. The awkward moments where Maxwell catches them in the act and finds out everything they’d been trying to hide. It was awkward, even if he understood. Then there’s the most angsty moment, when Drake walked out on her and didn’t even give her a proper explanation. His last words whispering how much he loved her and that’s why he had to leave her. 

Sobs infect her eyes, as she stares out at the vast, beautiful view. All of a sudden, a familiar voice startles her out of her thoughts. 

“Kennedy.” 

That one word instantly tells her who it is, as well as the easily recognisable husky tone of his voice. The nickname given to her by none other than Drake Walker. Immediately, she swerves around, wondering if she’s hallucinating or if her mind is playing tricks on her and it’s just his longing voice in her head. But no, when she turns around, he’s there. He’s really there. 

For a moment, she looks shell-shocked and like she’s frozen in time. Paralysed, she is, uncertain of what to say to the man who left her for two weeks straight. Noticing her frozen state, Drake stiffly walks over to her, a concerned look taking over his features. 

“Kennedy?” 

All of a sudden, Reagan cuts him off, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him in for a long, lingering kiss. It’s just as she remembered and he’s definitely shocked as first before he involuntarily melts into the kiss. She wraps her arms around his neck, tugging on a few strands of his long dark brown hair, proudly gaining a groan from him. He rests his hands at her waist, deepening the kiss even more as he presses their bodies together. 

Finally, reluctantly, they pull apart, their dark eyes lingering in each other for a moment. Drake can’t help but smirk at her eagerness, even though guilt still corrupted his heart. Reagan takes this opportunity to skim over his current state. He looks almost exactly the same and that’s reassuring for Reagan. Aside from the bags under his eyes and paleness of his skin, he looks perfect and that causes her to bite her lip to hold back her nerves.

“What was that for?” He asks, confusion taking over his features as he watches her fingers roam about his hair. 

“Just in case you tried to stop me.” Reagan teases, surprised when Drake plants yet another kiss on her swollen lips, letting it lurk for a moment before resting his forehead against hers.

“No way, Rae. Not after the damn two weeks I’ve had.” Drake responds, scanning Reagan briefly. A look of regret plays across his eyes, the bright light of the sun highlighting him in her view. “Look, I’m sorry for leaving. I thought running away would be for the best and I just didn’t have the courage to face you or anyone. I was a coward and I never should of-“

Reagan interrupts him yet again with another sweet kiss. However, a little more passion and desire is released this time, making it harder for them to pull apart. All Drake does is roll his eyes at her but he can’t completely hide his eyes wide smile. 

Reagan strokes his cheek and he leans into her touch. “I love you, Drake, and I understand why you left, even if I hated it. I understand why you did it. And you’re not a coward. Not to me.” She reassures and he shakes his head in disbelief, not seeming to believe that she’s really there.

“I just... I still can’t believe you chose me.” Drake admits, tangling his fingers in Reagan’s raven hair and watching her bite her lip once more.

She looks up at him once more, noticing the relieved gleam in his dark eyes. Her smile widens even more and she plants another tender kiss on his lips. “We’ve got a million reasons to not be together, Walker.” She mutters against his lips, knowing their future wasn’t so far away anymore. “But no matter what... I’ll always choose you.”

[recentanimenews]

Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun – 08 – Number One Idiot

When Mimimi nods off while studying at home, she dreams of a middle school basketball match in which her team lost to Aoi’s. At school, Mimimi nods off and has to be woken up by the teacher. She’s overdoing it, again. Losing the election to Aoi only made Mimimi want to work harder to beat Aoi at something, anything, but what if she just…can’t?

In Fuuka’s only scene alone with Tomozaki—their movie date either hasn’t happened yet (good) already happens off-camera (not good!)—she tells him how it seems Mimimi is trying to compete with Hinami. No one told her, she can just imagine it. Because she’s a writer she can imagine all kinds of people’s feelings…and yet Hinami’s motivations are a mystery to her.

That Fuuka makes such a distinction between these two overachievers adds depth to her character as someone with unique insight, as well as underscores Tomozaki status as a perplexing outlier. I hope we get to dive into the underlying reasons for her actions, but this week focuses on the more immediate matter of Mimimi’s rapidly growing problem.

With both Fuuka and Tama agreeing that something’s not right, Tomozaki confronts Mimimi after school, making clear he’s coming to her as a friend who fought Aoi beside her. When he expresses his worry she’s overworking herself, Mimimi acknowledges that is sucks so bad she wants to quit…but will probably suck more if she does.

As a hardworking sore loser of a gamer, Tomozaki can relate to her position of not wanting to quit before putting in all the effort he can. So he says he’ll support her desire to keep going. At his next meeting with Hinami, Mimimi is the prime subject, and not in terms of a task Tomozaki is to complete. Hinami recalls the prefectural basketball game in middle school that might have started all this.

That said, Hinami doesn’t feel its her place to tell Tomozaki the details, so he relies upon Yamashita. Mimimi had put a middling team on her back to reach the prefectural final, which was mostly a battle of two aces. When they lost, Mimimi’s teammates were just glad to have gotten that far, while she was utterly crushed.

While Yamashita tells him this, we watch a montage of Mimimi continuing to come apart at the seams, studying and running so much she keeps falling asleep in class. When clouds gather and rain pelts the track, Tomozaki and Tama are relieved, because it means Mimimi can take a much-needed break. And yet who should be out there but Hinami, still practicing in raincoat, unwittingly rubbing her dedication in Mimimi’s face.

Tomozaki manages to catch up to Mimimi when she’s trying to slink home, and tells her what Yamashita told him. Mimimi tells him how she attended the nationals where Aoi came in second and couldn’t hide her bitter disappointment. The loss in itself didn’t cause Aoi to cry, but hearing the name of the school that took first place did.

While Mimimi changed her behavior to match the mood of her team, Aoi didn’t. It was then that Mimimi started to feel like “just an ordinary person”, while Aoi “shined” in a way she could never replicate, and yet could never stop trying to replicate. When Mimimi learned Aoi was her classmate in high school, it was when Aoi herself approached her, having thought a lot about their game back in middle school.

Mimimi has always been grateful for Aoi and looked up to her, but she’s also been the person she least wants to lose to, since doing so makes her feel so worthless. After all, Hinami is clearly of the opinion that if you’re not first, you might as well be last. So when Tomozaki tries to assure Mimimi she shines “pretty brightly” already, the words don’t reach her, and she makes an excuse to leave.

Turns out the timing of Tomozaki’s attempted second pep talk couldn’t have been worse, as Mimimi had already decided to resign from the track club. In their next meeting, Hinami says she and Tomozaki are the same in that they’re at the top of their respective games. But unlike Hinami, Tomozaki doesn’t see it so much as competing against the world as against himself.

After a morning in which both Hinami and Mimimi publically apologize to each other over her club resignation that seems to bring the whole class down, Tomozaki goes out on a limb and very publically asks Mimimi if they can walk home together…along with Tama. He wasn’t able to get through to Mimimi in a one-on-one matchup, but maybe Tama can, so he’ll rely on her.

Mimimi tries to keep things light by talking about how hot it is, but Tama makes things real with five simple words: “Do you hate Aoi now?” Mimimi responds by gushing over just how great and hardworking Aoi is, and how she actually loves her…or at least, she should. But with Aoi beating her at everything, Mimimi as come to feel jealous, and that Aoi’s “in the way”, and even that she wants her gone.

By thinking these awful things, Mimimi feels like she’s the worst, and if she stayed in the club, she’d keep thinking about them, including the notion that if Aoi really cared about her, she’d be the one to quit. Like Fuuka, more than anything she’s frustrated by how and why Aoi can work so hard like that. After hearing all of this, Tama bites Mimimi’s ear and takes her in her arms to comfort her.

Tama tells Mimimi that she can’t be “nothing”, because she’s her hero. Tama likes Aoi just fine, but Mimimi is her one and only hero, and if she wants to be number one, she can rest easy in the knowledge that she’s the world’s number-one idiot! Having been thoroughly cheered up, Mimimi embraces that title by sucking Tama’s outstretched finger and then pouncing on her.

All’s well that ends well, as Mimimi, realizing the error of her decision, re-joins the track club just a day after resigning. Tomozaki notes that her combination of gratitude, respect, and envy for Aoi have mellowed thanks to Tama—although Mimimi’s sexual harassment of Tama seems to have risen…

With Mimimi’s inferiority crisis more or less resolved to a point she’s no longer working herself to the bone, Tomozaki can move on to his own tasks, including giving Nakamura his birthday present and speaking to him for at least three minutes. Nakamura doesn’t make those three minutes easy, as his bemusement over Tomozaki giving him a gift at all leads to clipped, conversation-killing responses.

This leads Tomozaki to improvise in order to stretch out their talking time…by bringing up the rumor of Hinami and Mizusawa dating! This provides Hinami, Mimimi, and Tama a laugh while they’re at a café with Tomozaki after school—but it also leads to them asking Hinami straight up if the rumors are true. She starts with a fakeout, saying they are true, before revising her answer to “of course not.”

Assuming one cour of Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun is all we get, we’re now three-quarters through the series. My hopes for the final four eps include finally getting to see Tomozaki and Fuuka on that date, making more inroads with Mimimi (especially now that she’s in a healthier place), and of course gaining more insight into what Hinami tick. And hey, if a second cour is being considered, I most definitely wouldn’t mind!

By: sesameacrylic

[shanastoryteller]

how do you actually sit down and write stuff? I want to write stories, i want to be able to craft words, to be able to merge them with my pictures(which is my actual main focus, im an artist first), i want to be able to get my characters across the way you and others of my favorite writers do, but i dont know how to start. the generic advice is just do it, just start writing, practice it. but i dont know how to do that, i dont know how anybody can. i'm either constantly getting bogged (cont)

bogged down in the details, or unable to find the rightwords for how i imagine said details, sometimes because it's always changing,and i cant get them out right consistently. and i dont know how to practicethat, i dont know how to practice writing anything. i love finding words but ifeel like i use the specific ones too often, or otherwise im always resortingto metaphors that usually only make sense to me. (2/3)

im sorry if this is all kinda rambling and unclear. at thispoint, several minutes into thinking about what to say, and being unable tolook at what i already sent, im kinda unsure exactly what my question is beyond"how do you do it, and do it so well?" which is something difficultto answer with anything beyond the generic. it's too broad. thanks for, iguess, listening to me vent. i'd like to hear your thoughts, if there'sanything. you can ignore these though. (3/3)

 hi! so i’m answering this publicly because this ended upbeing kinda long and i’ve gotten some similar asks before, and my answer isalmost always ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ because i honestlyjust have no idea what i’m doing 100% of the time

so the thing is, my answer is just likeeverybody’s answer, and equally unhelpful: you have to just write. and you haveto write a lot.

i think something that people get bogged downwith when they try anything new is that they just aren’t good at it, and theyknow the level of good they want to be but since they can’t replicate it immediatelythey get frustrated and disheartened and stop. you’re an artist, so think aboutwhen you started drawing or painting or whathaveyou – you were probably prettycrap at it for a really long time.because with things like art and music and writing, there’s a horrendously bigspace between where we’re all kind of terrible before we get the hang of it.full disclosure: there’s a lot of time i’m convinced i’m still in the awfulstage of writing, and hoping if i just write enough i’ll get over it one day.

not to be a cliché, but i really do think that ernest hemingwaysaid it best: we are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes amaster.

so don’t stay upset when things don’t come out how you wantthem too. almost nothing i write comes out how i want it to. when i posted myfma fic ‘know the difference’ where i made the main characters angels i wastotally convinced that nothing i’d tried to say had come across right and i’djust spent 9k sounded long winded and stuffy. i literally almost just deletedthe whole thing because it wasn’t where i wanted it to be, but i couldn’tfigure out how to get it there and i was so upsetand frustrated.

but i posted it anyway because hey, it was words that i hadwritten, might as well – and a lot people liked it! so there’s that.

this is all vague and pep-talky, so here’s some actual realadvice:

1.  you don’t have to writeprose! i spent a long time before i started writing prose just doing poetry.really, horribly bad poetry, but poetry is good when you just have this onespecific thing you want to say. some people will say poetry is easier. that’slike saying it’s easier to build a boat inside a bottle with tweezers. sure, it’ssmaller with less stuff, but is ittruly easier? no.

2. you don’t have to write full stories! just write thescenes that matter to you, write your beginning and ending and say fuck it tothe middle. write random things that don’t matter, jot down scenes andcharacters doing mundane things like buying coffee, or doing something likehiding a body or being transported to the moon or having a swordfight. it doesn’tmatter if it doesn’t make sense.

3. write things that you’re excited about. if you’re not having fun, if you’re not enjoyingwhen you write, it will show. and also, what’s the point? don’t worry aboutsounding serious or smart or important. who cares about any of that crap, it’sboring. write things that make you happy. write about a magical princess on themoon, about your favorite characters finding happiness, write soulmate aus andmermaids who control the sea and imperfect people finding perfect love. life isshort. the things that you enjoy writing are the best things to write about.period, end of discussion.  

4. one of the longest pieces i wrote in the beginning thatreally helped me get a handle on writing was awful. it was about vampires and werewolves and a magical people calledan ‘ambivalence’, with ancient Egyptian priestesses thrown in for good measureand a god for every zodiac sign meddling in everything. seriously, writewhatever you want. but something i did for this is i just wrote all the scenesi cared about in a row, and then i went back and wrote all the connecting bitslater. fun stuff first. everything else later. i don’t write like that anymore,and actually it would probably drive me crazy if i tried. but it was reallyuseful before i figured out how to have the patience to write everything inorder.

5. so i know everyone has really mixed emotions about elmoreleonard and his ten rules of writing, and i think a lot of them are worthless,but he gave me the most import writing advice i’ve ever received: leave out the parts that people skip. iknow my writing is kinda off from a lot of other people, because i don’t spend alot of time explaining stuff and going through all these scenes showing howthings happen, like what i should do logically, because if something isimportant it should be shown. but sometimes important things are boring and canjust be referenced later. and i know there are people who wish i didn’t writethis way, but i just get too impatient and it starts to seem boring to me, so ijust … don’t do it. i trust that my readers are smart enough to keep up andknow what’s going on without me having to explain it all, and that seems to beworking? so if you’re writing a scene and its seems boring an unnecessary,chances are it is and you can skip it. if you don’t want to write it peopleprobably won’t want to read it.

6. i know this isn’t what anyone who’s just getting intowriting wants to hear, but i really think you need to write at least a half millionwords before you’re a good writer, ithink it takes about that many before you get the hang of it and it starts cominga little naturally to you. to put that in perspective, that’s 50k ten times,aka the equivalent doing national novel writing months ten times. i think atthat point you’ll start to beginfiguring it out. and also, i just don’t know if there ever comes a point whereyou’re 100% satisfied with your writing. if there is, i certainly haven’tgotten there.

but really, truly, honest to god, the only writing advice thatmatters is do whatever the fuck you want.

don’t worry if it seems like crap. don’t worry if it seemssilly, if it’s incomplete, if it’s haiku or a just some scenes, if the words aren’tperfect or you devolve just into a series of metaphors. if you’re writing, it’sgood. the end.

[malarkiness]

Saw The Rise of Skywalker, and I have thoughts about it.

Honestly? I didn't hate it. In fact, I'm kind of embracing it purely for the absolute disaster that it is. There were a few things that were bad enough to actually take away from my enjoyment of the movie, but overall, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be. I think it helped that I watched Revenge of the Sith the night before seeing it. ROTS is a mess, but it’s a fun mess, and TROS isn’t all that different.

So with that said, I guess I'll start by talking about the stuff I liked:

Sheev Palpatine is an absolute delight in this movie. His addition to this story is so blatantly thoughtless and embarrassingly shoehorned, but every one of his scenes was just a joy to watch. I spent every second of his screentime trying not to laugh out loud in the theater. His scenes completely took me out of the third act's otherwise grim tone, and I'm so grateful for that because it made everything—including the forced r*ylo kiss—look like a total joke. I was dreading that moment, but once it happened, it was not only bearable, but completely forgettable thanks to Sheev Palpatine being extra as all hell. What a fucking hero. I'm sorry, I just... I genuinely cannot get upset about the asspull that is this character's presence in IX, lmao. I know he was only thrown in because Snoke was killed in VIII and the obligatory #Bendemption would mean forfeiting Kylo as the main villain, and we needed SOMEONE for Rey to fight. It was the result of inexcusably poor writing and planning, I get that. But Sheev truly took this movie from mediocre to so-bad-it's-good territory, and God bless him for it.

Finn remains my fav, but TLJ didn’t leave him with much to do in TROS. And his TLJ arc wasn’t bad, exactly, but it definitely could’ve been better. There was nothing about his Force sensitivity, nothing about his family, nothing about him being an ex-stormtrooper who could inspire more to turn against the First Order (something that could've developed very naturally from his conversations with Rose). You probably could’ve given that arc to any other character because so little about it was unique to Finn. But I think TROS did okay with how it continued that (generic) arc. Finn's actively working for the Resistance and even takes on a leadership role near the end. I kept waiting for there to be something alluding to his past as a stormtrooper aside from a couple of throwaway lines, and I was convinced that nothing would really come of that, but no! He ends up meeting another ex-stormtrooper named Jannah, and they have this nice conversation where Finn learns that there are a lot of other stormtroopers who defected. And... it almost seems like Jannah's already had the character arc that I wanted Finn to get, lmao. Like she's already in this little band of ex-stormtroopers helping the Resistance fight the First Order. I wish we learned more about her and her allies (like does Jannah help other stormtroopers escape? Maybe she purposefully traps them and then tries to help them deprogram themselves?). I'd totally be down for a Jannah spin-off series, tbh. But anyway, Finn doesn't have much of an arc in this movie; it's more like TROS just caps off his arcs from TFA and TLJ with him becoming a Resistance general and fully trusting in the Force (because Force-sensitive Finn is CANON 🎉🎉🎉). Again, it could’ve been better, but for what TLJ left him with, it’s fine.

I loved seeing Finn, Rey, and Poe work together. They have a great dynamic, with Rey and Poe always butting heads about the ship or BB-8 or who's leading the mission, and Finn tries to be the peacemaker between them. I loved their reunion hug at the end, too. But there is this odd running gag where Finn wants to tell Rey something when they all think they’re about to die, but doesn't want to say it in front of Poe later, and it just really sticks in Poe's craw. And we never even find out what Finn wanted to say. I mean, I like to think Finn was going to tell Rey that he loved her, but that's just me. 👀

Rey's character arc definitely has some problems, but there was also lot of stuff I liked. It was interesting to see her grapple with the reveal that she was a Palpatine and start to fear her own power and purpose. There's this great scene where she tells Finn that no one really understands her, and you know how afraid she is of what she could become, but it also hurts Finn to hear her say that. She eventually tries to isolate herself completely by running away to Luke's sad seagull island, but Luke's Force Ghost shows up and gives her this little pep talk that wouldn't ring so hollow if, y'know, TLJ had actually bothered to develop their relationship beyond Luke being afraid of her, but whatever. I also liked seeing her opt to heal the sandworm blocking the cavern's exit rather than kill it. She has this very natural chemistry with Finn and Poe through their treasure hunt. I also loved her interactions with Leia and their master/apprentice relationship.

Rose unfortunately has very little to do in this movie, but she does have a couple of nice moments with Finn that I really liked. One was when she says that something will happen if Finn & co. succeed in their mission, and he corrects her with “when.” I just thought it was sweet that her faith in the rebellion rubbed off on him, to the point that he uses it to encourage her, too. The other moment is near the end when she tells Finn they need to retreat, and then she hesitates when he says he’s staying behind. But instead of trying to stop him like in TLJ, she accepts his choice.

I can’t lie: seeing OT-era Luke and Leia spar with lightsabers got me. I’ve always loved their relationship, and I’m glad we got to see it in a flashback.

Call me petty, but I find it very satisfying that at no point in this entire trilogy does Anakin make any effort to contact Kylo. Not to advise him, admonish him, soothe him, or anything despite Kylo borderline praying to the guy at different points in this story. But once Rey starts faltering against Palpatine? Anakin finally wakes his Force Ghost ass up long enough to yell some encouragement to her. That is hilarious. Also, all the jedi calling out to Rey was just a great moment, period.

Hux's death is such a non-event, lmfao. He's outed as the mole, gets shot in the chest, and that's it. He's gone for the rest of the movie. It’s such a fitting ending for a character like him.

Kylo’s turn to the Light is... bad, but there is a nice bit of dialogue between him and his vision of Han where they echo their last conversation in TFA. I did like that.

I liked Zorii, and that she immediately takes a liking to Rey when they meet, lol.

I missed like half the shit going on in the post-battle celebration scene because I was watching the background for that one instance of two fourth-tier female characters kissing. Cheers, Jeffrey. 🎉

Rey choosing to carry on the Skywalker name was nice. Again, it would’ve meant more if she and Luke had had a better relationship in TLJ (and given how much closer she is to Leia, Rey Organa would’ve made more sense), but whatever, I’ll take it.

As for the stuff I didn’t like:

I think most of my gripes with this movie start with the #Bendemption that happens around the halfway point, so... I’ll just start with that. So Rey and Kylo are fighting on the ruins of the Death Star, Kylo starts gaining the upper hand, and Leia senses that her time has come to... help Rey? “Save” her son? I’m not sure, but whatever it is, she uses the Force to call out to Ben and distract him so that Rey can kill him, and it costs Leia her life. I’m actually okay with this little plot point because the way it’s framed makes it look like Leia sacrificed herself for Rey’s sake, not Kylo’s. I’m not sure if that was the intention, but that’s how it read to me. But then, Rey heals Kylo because... ???? I dunno, I guess the plot needs her to. And with that, I feel like we’re right back in TLJ, where Rey just does shit for the sake of Kylo’s character arc, her own thoughts/feelings/motivations be damned. There is a moment where she and Kylo are just sitting there taking in the shock of Leia’s death, and maybe if Kylo was shown to have some significant relationship with his mother (aside from opting not to kill her that one time), the scene would’ve had some emotional weight to it, but he wasn’t, so it doesn’t.

Kylo Ren is just a waste of a villain, honestly. TFA presents him as this petulant, overgrown child, and if it weren't for the fact that he's extremely powerful, most people would just laugh him off. He throws temper tantrums, wears that stupid mask in attempt to look more intimidating, Rey tells him to his face that he's just a pathetic Vader fanboy, Hux can barely keep himself from rolling his eyes when he's in the room. No one would take this clown seriously if their lives didn't depend on it, and this is a fact that he is clearly aware of, as evidenced by every instance of him doing something over-the-top evil whenever he feels the ~call to the Light a.k.a. whenever he feels weak.  I liked having that sort of villain in this trilogy, and honestly, you could keep all that and still have him helping the good guys in the end; he’d just need a compelling reason to switch sides, and TROS just doesn’t give him one. None of these movies did. There’s no moment of clarity for him about power and the Dark Side. His main motivation of “finishing what [Anakin] started” is never even brought up. Kylo just becomes Ben after Rey runs off, and that’s it. He’s Good now because the plot needs him to be.

The Knights of Ren sure were..... there.

Like I said above, the r*ylo kiss is nothing. Yes, it’s garbage that a male character can spend multiple movies killing and hurting a female character’s friends, torturing her, invading her privacy, yelling at her that she’s worthless outside her relationship to him, and still get to snog her in the end. But in the midst of all the coocoo clown shit going on in the third act of this movie, that moment barely pings my radar. And I’m sorry, but I have to complain about this again: Why couldn’t Rey have just been one of Luke’s students that survived the Jedi School massacre? That way, she’d have an actual relationship with pre-Kylo Ben and therefore a reason to believe he could change back. They could’ve been close, like family, which could’ve made for an interesting parallel to their Force bond in that it’s an undeniable connection they have that Rey doesn’t want. You could then have Rey decide to use their pre-established relationship against him, and it would’ve made her decision to go to him in TLJ a lot more understandable. It would’ve made her calling him “Ben” at the end of TROS have some actual weight to it because in this scenario, she actually knew him as Ben.  But no, I guess their forced connection in TLJ (which was contrived by Snoke, just for the record) is all the convincing Rey needs. Yeah, okay. I don’t know. TROS just makes it so apparent to me that Rey was originally intended to be a Skywalker, and they just threw in the Rey Palpatine twist because it’s 2019, and if your audience can follow the clues you set out for a plot development and draw logical conclusions, that means it’s predictable and therefore Bad.

Sheev Palpatine is a right dumbass. If he’d just shut up and let Rey kill him, he would’ve gotten what he wanted, but no! He had to explain to her his entire stupid plan, thereby giving her a very compelling reason NOT to kill him. And you know what, he did the same thing to Luke and Vader in Return of the Jedi. Luke attacked Vader and almost had him when Sheev cut in just to be like “YESSSS, DEWIT, KILL HIM.” And then Luke pulled back! Just let the heroes play into your hands, Sheev, fuck!!!!

TL;DR version: It’s... definitely a mess, but it’s not irredeemable. I think it’s worth watching just for the main trio’s moments and Sheev Palpatine hamming it up. I did think there were a lot of would-be emotional moments that just felt totally unearned (like Luke’s Force Ghost, Kylo’s vision of Han, Rey saying “Ben”), but there were others that were very effective (like the trio hug at the end, Finn sensing Rey’s death, Poe thinking about having to lead without Leia).

I think I liked it a little more than TLJ (which I didn’t hate, just found it very whelming), but TFA’s definitely going to stay my fav.