#as i do not have access or ability to transition right now (though i very much want to and hopefully will someday)

[drop-dead-dropout]

op of this post dmed me and condescended to me about how I "didn't understand" what she meant. proceeded to tell me transandrophobia is made up. i'm just not interacting idc anymore rant in the tags if anyone wants to hear it

haha yeah girldick! awesome! hey quick question how do you feel about trans women and transfems when you're not talking about fucking them or them fucking you or just using them as the buttend of your sex jokes. no don't run away internet transmasc speak into the mic boy. 🎤

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Finally Getting Help (prt 6)

Masterpost

The Wayne family gathered in the family room once Alfred was done setting up the projector, somehow there was also a plate of cookies and a couple pots of tea on the coffee table. How he’d found the time they didn’t know, he always seemed to be doing just a little more than should be possible but they didn’t question it. 

Jazz seemed nervous as she plugged in her USB and accessed the power point on Ghosts and Liminality. The tidal page had a picture of Danny in his Phantom form standing with a group of others, a boy with gray skin and blond hair, a girl with green hair and skin, and a goth with purple eyes and a dark skinned boy who looked around Danny’s age, and Jazz with the title “Ghosts and Liminals!” 

The next slide had simple text: “What are they and How are they made?”

With each slide she read the text on the screen allowed and then added any context or anecdotes she thought of, or had prepared. 

(Next slide)

Ghosts:

Made of ectoplasmic energy and obsession

Made either:

when someone dies with strong enough desires

An idea gains enough traction to take on a life of its own

Immutable concepts and gods

Must be allowed to indulge in obsessions or they will cease to exist

All have basic abilities such as flight, intangibility, invisibility, and minor shape shifting

On top of basic abilities most will have additional powers based on their obsessions

Immortal unless killed 

Love to fight

Liminals

Made when a human is exposed to high levels of ectoplasm for prolonged periods of time

Have some ghostly traits 

Ghostly traits vary person to person

Less susceptible to human illness and injury

“The ghosts on the picture are Kitty and Johnny, we’ve had problems with them but would consider them friends now. They’re the ghosts of two humans who died, but there are others, Vortext for instance is the ghost of Storms. Those ghosts who come from ideas are called ‘neverborns’. There seem to be almost an infinite number of ghosts, however not all of them are interested in having anything to do with us so we tend to get the same faces showing up a lot in Amity.

“I don’t know how many liminals there are. I thought they might be new with my parents' research but as I look into it more I think there are more natural sources of ectoplasm then my parents thought.” Jazz explained before going to transition to the next slide.

“I have a question-” Bruce started before Jazz hushed him. 

“Wait till the end please! I might answer it without you having to ask,” She scolded, and he felt very much like a schoolboy again as his children snickered.

(Next slide including a image of the glowing green viles in the Fenton’s lab and a glowing green crystal)

Ghost biology 

Ghosts do not have any recognizable organs or bones

The only solid part of their being is their Core which is the source of their ectoplasm 

Any injury to a ghosts form not done directly to their core is considered minor and will heal

A healthy ghost is fully capable of mending any damage including removed limbs in a matter of hours or days depending on extent of the injury

All injuries not including the Core are considered minor 

Ghosts are considered young for at least the first hundred years of their existence and are often not considered adults until nearly 500

A caveat to this is ghosts are heavily driven by emotion and will often be the age they feel they are allowing ghosts to mature much more quickly, or more slowly

When this is the case ghosts are treated as the age they present and behave

Ghosts reproduce by shaping ectoplasm and Wanting a child badly enough

“Believe me it was incredibly scary the first time I saw Danny in his ghost form have something go right through his stomach. It took him a long time to convince me it wasn’t a big deal and it barely hurt. He does have to make sure he repairs the damage Before turning human again though or the damage can transfer over and I don’t need to tell you a hole in the gut is a lot more serious for humans!

“If I’m honest I only know ghosts that have stayed younger then they really are, for instance Youngblood who’s a few hundred years old and could be well on his way to adulthood if he wanted but has remained a child. I assume it can go the other way though, if a ghost is very mature for their age.”

Ectoplasm 

Ectoplasm is the energy that makes up all ghosts and the Ghost Zone itself. All ghosts can feed on the ectoplasm around them as well as produce their own by indulging in obsessions. The ghosts Cores produce the ectoplasm like a brain produces neurochemicals when exposed to the right stimulation.

Ectoplasm is a powerful source of energy but unstable. When it is stabilized into an ecto-crystal it is more stable and can be used as a power source safely by ghosts and liminals.

“Most ectoplasm is green like you see in the pictures. But it isn’t the only colour, some other ghosts produce different colours and it is highly tied to what emotion drives them. When it’s pure it usually smells like petracore but it can get pretty foul.”

(next slide)

What are Obsessions

Every ghost has one or more obsessions

They can be very literal things such as boxes, or ideas and emotions such as Love

In rarer cases they may have dual obsessions

Unlike for humans obsessions are very healthy for ghosts

Ghosts need to indulge their obsessions

Sometimes the way ghosts indulge their obsessions might seem evil, however it is almost always just amoral 

Obsessions shape every part of a ghost from their powers to thier physical appearance, to befriend a ghost you Must understand and aid their obsession

In very extreme circumstances a ghosts obsession may shift, sometimes this is healthy, more often it is a result of extreme trauma

“With my interest in psychology this was sort of hard for me to accept. From the outside the way ghosts obsess seems really unhealthy but it’s what gives them life. When not allowed to indulge in their obsessions ghosts will dysregulate and go to extreme lengths to try and get their obsession, if that doesn’t work they either go dormant if their core is still healthy enough or they will melt. 

“Ghosts change their obsessions very rarely, I’ve heard of it happening as they heal. For instance once a ghost has gotten revenge for themselves, if that was their obsession, their obsession might shift to avenging other people, or even protecting them so they don’t need to be avenged.”

(Next Slide)

Ghost Culture

The Ghosts have a monarchy

The title of the Ghost King is not hereditary but passed through trial by combat

Under the monarch is a council of being known as Observants, and powerful and old ghosts called Ancients 

Ghosts respect strength and value power and cunning in combat a lot

Ghosts bond with each other through combat and play fight with family and friends often

“I have down that the ghosts are a monarchy, and technically that is true but the current Ghost King was a tyrant who was locked away thousands of years ago. I’m sure as soon as someone shows up who’s powerful enough to beat him his court will be happy to pick up where they left off with a better King, or queen, though I don’t think the title has to change based on gender.

“I really can’t stress enough how violent ghosts are! Because nothing short of having their cores shattered can kill them, play fighting for them can look Very Much like a murder attempt to a human. A lot of the issues we’ve had with ghosts have come from them just not understanding quite how fragile humans, and for most of them they feel really bad once they know they actually Hurt someone by shooting them. It’s really best for everyone when they’re kept separate and Ghosts can happily tear each other apart in peace.”

Liminals

The result of long term low level exposure to ectoplasm, sudden high doses are almost always deadly

Liminals Can have almost every trait a ghost can, usually having a combination of a few

Commonalities between liminals include

Minor cosmetic changes such as: glowing eyes, pointed ears, and/or sharp teeth 

Increased stamina, strength, and aggression

Increased obsessive behaviour

Liminals sometimes develop powers shaped by the strength and type of obsession 

“Most of the people Danny and I know are liminals. I don’t want to talk about them in case they don’t want to be outed so I’ll talk about myself and my parents. We all had prolonged exposure after all. My ears are pointed,” She said brushing her hair back so they could see them, “And Danny is a little more then liminal but even in human form he has fangs. 

“My parents didn’t realize it but they could to the point they could subsist on their obsession without needing to eat or sleep as often as a regular human would. About a year ago I started developing the ability to tap into and feel other peoples emotions, I can feed on them a little too but I try not to because the Worst ghost we met did that and I don’t want to be anything like her.”

(Next Slide)

In conclusion

Ghosts are not evil even though sometimes their actions are hard to understand

Never get between ghosts when they’re fighting each other but it’s usually safe to yell at them to remind them not to break anything

Never get between a ghost and their obsession

Don’t drink ectoplasm unless you know you’re already liminal

“I have a feeling the section about liminals will be familiar to a bunch of you. I know Damian is liminal though I don’t know how he was exposed to ectoplasm and some of you,” Her eyes skirted across Tim and Bruce. “Are toeing the line. You’ll probably notice Damian and Danny getting really close, and they might get in some really vicious looking fights. I promise Danny is playing at least.”

The family was left silent for a moment, Bruce knew he was thinking about Jason. Who had died, been exposed to.. What certainly seemed to be something like Lazarus water and come back, obsessive, aggressive, and emotional. He wished he’d had this powerpoint a long time ago. It helped understand Damian too but mostly he was thinking about Jason. He needed to reach out again, maybe meeting Danny would be good for Jason?

“So uhhh, ya, that’s the end of the powerpoint?” Jazz said, shifting from foot to foot in the awkward silence. “Any questions?”

Next

[moongothic]

I dont think Crocodile is openly trans in the OP verse bc I think that the only reason he would have changed genders is because he didn't want to be recognized, also nobody except Ivankov seems to know about his past.

I think the only way that Crocodad could work if it's Oda doesnt take what he wrote in the sbs seriously and changes stuff, because I don't see why if Crocodile wanted to hide his identity why he would transition again to a woman for a few years? Could be risky and he could be exposed even if he hides it makes no sense why he would return back.

I dont know I guess we will have to watch and see what Oda does, Crocodile is now to the race of the OP with Cross Guild so he is a direct rival to SHs right now.

Sorry Anon, I'm having a hard time trying to parse what you wrote- Are you implying Crocodile's a closetted trans woman who detransitioned? Or that he's FtMtFtM?

Both are theoretically plausible, the latter is just a lot of effort to go through (in the sense that he'd need access to Ivankov to do any of that) (and there's the question of why the fuck would he have detransitioned and retransitioned), while the former I'm not personally fond of because I fear writing that version of Crocodad could turn very transphobic in a really nasty way if Oda isn't careful (also you will have to rip trans man Croc from my cold dead hands)

Thing is though, we have no reason to believe Crocodile wanted to "hide his identity"/avoid "being recognized", I don't even fully understand where you're getting that idea from? Like yes being trans opens you up to a lot of harrassment but dude's pretty much permitted by the Government to do whatever he pleases, if someone misgendering bothered him he could get away with murder quite literally. But also, Crocodile has explicitly stated he doesn't really care what people call him and does not object to people using cutesy nicknames for him (not just Ivankov and the iconic "Crocoboy" but including Buggy's "Croc-chan"). So honestly I don't think he'd even care if someone misgendered him, because, let's be real, if you misgender this grown ass man with dick and balls and it's you who will look deranged/senile. Or, if you meant Crocodile was trying to hide for some other reason (former slave theory or child of infamous pirate theories), like. Dude doesn't have to trans his gender to do that. If anything that's quite excessive and would be quite unpleasant for a cis person to do. And we have no reason to believe Crocodile had any reason to try to hide to begin with.

Like, keep in mind that Toei added a lot to conversation he had with Ivankov back in Impel Down, all which did change the implications of the convo. In the source material, all Ivankov ever said was that they knew one of Crocodile's weaknesses but wouldn't bring it up if he simply behaved, that's it. That weakness really could be anything, it doesn't have to be Crocodile being stealth trans (/Ivankov being able to out him). It could be about some of Crocodile's combat abilities (his weakness to water, whether or not he can use Haki), it could be about Crocodile's heritage if he has any significant one (like Rocks as some speculate), hell, there's a decent possibility Ivankov would know if Crocodile ever birthed a child

Yeah I just don't quite see where you're coming from, but indeed, time will tell what will happen, if Crocodile will even permit Buggy to join the race because last we saw he still wasn't on-board to humor the nasty clown

[agitowarrioroftheforest]

Thoughts on gender locked magic. Specifically the concepts of Witches. Discussion of gender essentialism and transphobia.

Ok this is a pretty common thing to run into in fiction. The idea that “Only women can become witches.”

But I have always wondered, but Why though? What is the reason only women get access to magic? What about their soul makes that a thing and why is that gender locked to woman as a gender specifically?

These fictional worlds with such a magic system always come with gender essentialism to me. They were not structured to include trans people. More likely because we weren’t a thought to the author.

Would a trans girl suddenly be able to do magic when she realizes? Would she always have had magic? Likewise, would a trans boy suddenly lose the ability to do magic? Did he never have any? People’s individual transitions are so unique, how would that effect their access to magic and how would that not be exclusionary? What about nonbinary people? What are genderfluid people who are women sometimes going to do? It all gets very complicated the moment you consider trans people and anyone whose gender is not binary.

It just strikes me as gender essentialism to say that only one gender has access to magic. I can never understand what in particular makes a character “worthy” of magic because of their gender, If we are going to look at gender with less binary expectations, then gender locking magic kinda goes against that goal.

Why has this cosmic magic or being that gives magic chosen “being a woman” as their qualifications?

If it’s about the oppression of misogyny, there are trans men and nonbinary people who experience that as well with no choice in the matter of how other people misgender us.

If it’s about a specific kind of physical body or genital, then there is no way to make that not exclusionary. If it’s about the trauma that young girls go through (Example: Madoka magica’s answer to this, where that trauma creates Energy to stop the heat death of the universe.) then that *still* becomes trans exclusionary, because there are people whose childhoods may have looked like that of young girls to society but were not, and were still traumatic in extremely similar, or the same ways. (right now i’m talking specifically about trans men and women who came out after adulthood and didn’t 100% know they were trans as kids. Madoka’s system also has no room for nonbinary people. )

The gender essentialist concept of "women are Closer to Nature and More Primal and have Secret Knowledge" also plays into this, and on top of that being something I don’t believe. I don’t think it’s smart to treat any gender as somehow secretly better than another.

Talking a bit more personally here, I did struggle to come out, and one reason because of people, who called themselves progressive feminists(in actuality this was a mindset from radfems), who treated the possibility of me being a boy as some kind of threat or loss. I’m definitely feminist, I want to make that clear. But I don’t stand for any kind of system that treats one gender as better or treats you as some kind of traitor because you didn’t turn out to be a woman.

I think that is the heart of the issue of why gender locked magic hits a sore spot.

The frustration that the experiences I have had, being treated like facets of womanhood. I know I and people like me don’t fit in magic systems like these, that there just isn’t a place there. So that part is alienating all on it’s own. I don’t have fond feelings for this trope. On top of all this, Trans men just aren’t considered in most media. There’s a sense of invisibility to finding representation. That isn’t just what I’ve noticed. Glaad has some stats laid out.

I feel like i’d be more interested in a world with this kind of magic if the point was about breaking and challenging this exclusionary magic system. Or perhaps, centering a transmasc perspective about losing magic because the system is exclusionary and how truly fucked up of an experience that must be in a society that places your value in magic.

Even in the few cases where a magic system is trans affirming to trans woman, trans men don’t seem to exist in the creator’s eyes. I am not going to name where this came from, but it did frustrate me that in a specific world that called itself queer friendly, cis and trans women and nonbinary people could become witches, but trans men got basically nothing. Didn’t seem to exist. A huge flaw in a world I really wanted to like and now just can not engage in without being reminded that people like me don’t belong. I get enough of that in real life.

My personal feeling is “fuck exclusionary magic!” like anyone in these fictional worlds should have the ability to become a witch. It shouldn’t be locked to a nebulous gendered expectation. (It shouldn’t just extend to magic too. Gender locked hair styles and clothing and pitches of voices in games also fall into gender essentialism. “You can’t be X if you look like Y.” Is exclusionary and transphobic, just on it’s own.)

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

"Theodosius, thank you for joining us. My name is Alys, and I will be part of your welcoming team for your entrance to Shadowvale Academy. Do you have any questions for me?"

Theo glowered at the woman, who continued to smile politely back at him.

"Can I talk to my boyfriend now? Why are we still in stupid Arkhelios? I want to go back to Pleasantview."

Alys' serene expression never wavered. She gestured to her right and another adult appeared beside her. Unlike this Alys, he didn't look like a demon, though maybe Theo was being presumptive. It's not like he looked like a demon most of the time either.

"My name is Leofric," the man said, smiling a little too enthusiastically. "I'm going to be your therapeutic guidance counselor. If you ever need to talk about your thoughts or feelings, I'm at your service. You can talk to me about anything, and it will stay between us. It's going to be a difficult transition, and sometimes demons can be a little too, uh, expressive when their emotions bottle up. Part of taking control over your abilities means taking control over your emotions too. I'll help you work through your emotional stumbling blocks, so that you can graduate into a responsible, mature hybrid in complete control of himself."

"No, I'm fine," Theo insisted angrily. "I'm going back to Pleasantview."

The teen snapped his fingers to summon a demonic portal, but none appeared. He tried again and again, but with no result.

"We've been entrusted with your true name, child," Alys stated coldly. "You'll find that many of your abilities may be out of your reach until you learn to master them. Coming with us isn't a choice. I'm afraid Pleasantview will have to wait."

"No! It's not fair! I need to talk to Adam! I'm not going!"

Overwhelmed with fear, anger, and despair, Theo found himself bursting into tears. He tried to stop the tears in order to look intimidating, but he couldn't. All he could feel within him was a cyclone of those emotions, blurring out every rational thought.

"Change can be difficult, I know," Leofric said soothingly, putting a reassuring arm around the teen. "What you're feeling is natural, especially now that you've realized that your normal means of escape are no longer possible. This is all part of the process; it's only natural. Why don't we continue this conversation inside so that it can remain private?"

"Where are we?" Theo asked through his tears. "I don't even know this part of Arkhelios."

"Because your parents and elected leader are sheltering you," Alys replied. The tone in her voice dashed Theo's hopes of escaping. Hopefully the rest of his so-called team were nicer than she was. Somehow, he didn't think he'd be that lucky.

"This is the former residence of the Chun family and the current residence of the Chun Undead. It is a part of your journey and where we must begin."

"I don't remember this place," Theo insisted, staring at the walls, hoping something would spark in his mind and trigger a reason why he was being forced to be here. "Those are my parents on the wall, but I've never been here before."

"This is the area where President Bellamy houses the undead," Leofric explained. It's part of a small zoned area for Arkhelios' undead residents to embrace their second chance at life."

"This is the zombie containment area?" Theo gasped. "No one's been here but the president herself! How did you get access here? Aunt Lucy and Grandma petition the government every five years to keep this place sealed. No one is allowed here."

"I think you will find that there are very few places where we don't have access," Alys replied. "We had need of it and it was made available to us. For our purposes, we were also granted the help of the undead. Your president has been very helpful. "

Theo frowned. These weren't the same same kind of teachers the Pleasantview Academy had, and they were well known for their long reach within the country. Wherever he was going, it looked like he would miss the freedom of Pleasantview. Whoever these people were, they were impossibly powerful, both politically and magically.

"Theo! Theo Dorhack."

"Grandpa? Is that you?" Theo stared at the zombie that was creeping toward him. He certainly looked like Theo's father, and was a zombie, so logically that would make this man his Grandpa Ian.

Theo didn't really know what to expect of his grandfather. From his grandmother's rants, Ian had been a worthless, cheating bum who squandered their money with his whore mistress. There may be some truth to that description, but when Theo thought about how she usually spoke about him, he decided to give his grandfather some grace. Nearly everyone was actually better than how his grandmother described them.

"Hey, Grandpa," Theo greeted nervously. "How have you been? It's been awhile, huh?"

Theo vaguely recalled his father mentioning that Theo had met his grandfather when he was younger, but Theo had no memory of it. The zombie seemed to understand what Theo was saying, even if he couldn't respond in complete sentences.

"Sit down, Theodosius," Alys commanded, gesturing to the couch beside her.

Ian seemed to respond to the command, gently pushing his grandson towards the requested seat. Theo grudgingly gave into the command, seeing that he was outnumbered and nearly powerless.

"Now, before we can continue with your admittance, we need to measure the limits of your potential," Alys said. Theo perked up at the thought that he could stall the process, but abandoned all hope when Alys locked her eyes intensely with his. "This is in no way optional. If you refuse to participate willingly, we have your true name already. You will be made to complete the exams."

Theo tried not to show fear, but this woman was a professional. Even when she was merely watching him, flashes of terror flooded Theo, warning him against defying her.

"O-okay," Theo gulped. "What do I need to do?"

"We were hoping to chart your natural state to establish an estimate of your abilities," Leofric answered. "Your file indicates that you displayed a large amount of power in this location as an infant. There is a stain of demonic magic in this house that we were hoping to attribute to you, but from seeing you interact with the space, it looks like it belongs to another demon. Perhaps Dorhack, as this was once his domain. It will be added to our measurements, but we need to dig deeper. You will accompany us at dawn to the secondary location. Until that time, you are permitted to sleep. I'd suggest that you take this opportunity. Testing may be...tiring and the chance to sleep may not come again any time soon."

Theo stretched out on the couch he was sitting on, watching his team members watch him coldly. Falling asleep wouldn't be so bad, especially if it meant escaping this nightmare for a few hours. In his dreams, he could return to Pleasantview like he wanted. In his dreams, he could hold Adam again.

As soon as the sun rose, Theo was rudely awakened when a freezing cup of water was emptied on his head. Alys tried to remain impartial, but Theo swore that there was a devious sparkle in her eye when he woke up sputtering.

"We're leaving. Now."

With sleep still in his eyes, Theo walked through the portal Alys had opened for him. On the other side, he stood in front of a weathered, small house, surrounded by water. Theo recognized the area from his childhood.

"This is still Arkhelios," he stated. "Is this the school? This is down the street from where my dad used to live."

This was much closer to the water than where Roman used to live, but Theo could still see the lights of Arkhelios in the distance. He didn't fully remember the near bunker they had lived in before taking over the Bellamy estate, but he did remember how quiet it was. Very few people came to the island next to Arkhelios due it's size and lack of amenities.

"This, Theo, is where you were born. Your entrance into the world was here, so it stands to reason that this is the best place to connect with the root of your magic. We have your true name and the location and time of your birth. All we need now is to see how your body reacts to our conditions."

"Conditions?" Theo repeated, but Alys was already climbing the stairs that led to the house.

"Stand in the magic circle and reach out your hands," the demon commanded. Leofric lingered near her, writing something in a notebook.

Theo did as he was told and immediately felt a rush of energy. His outstretched arm began to waver with the intensity of it all.

Alys nodded her approval and looked over at Leofric.

"Okay, test one, attempt one. And...go."

She snapped her fingers and immediately, all the rush of energy Theo felt exploded, colliding into him at breakneck speed. Energy flooded his mind, and he could feel the weight of the horns on his head, indicating that he'd shifted into his dark form.

"This feels funny," Theo stated, noticing the energy forming around his hands. He felt the top of his head worriedly. "There's still the extra horns from before. Plus the wings. They're sort of a new thing. Maybe they're part of what's wrong with me?"

"Unlikely." With a snap of her fingers, Theo immediately shifted out of his dark form, hitting the ground as his regular self. The change happened before his body could even register the movement.

"Well, that's what happened the other day with Adam," Theo said, hopeful that the experiment had concluded for the day and that he could go home. "So, since you've got the data, I should probably-"

"Test one, attempt two," Alys replied, snapping her fingers again. Theo swore she looked excited at the opportunity to inflict pain and discomfort on him.

The rush of energy came faster this time, still nearly knocking Theo to his feet. The transformation felt nearly instantaneous. Theo could feel the power coursing through his veins, energy exploding from his fingers. Every second, he felt as though he was about to burst from the amount of energy coursing through him. This was how he felt with Adam. The wild, unyielding power that threatened to destroy him had taken over his body within seconds.

"Now hold that position," Alys commanded. "We're getting a good reading. Okay, now try to summon energy to your hand, just what you did with Apprentice Darktide."

Theo obeyed the order, despite the amount of pain that he felt while doing so. Energy crackled in the air around him. His eyes felt like they were burning in their sockets. The room faded away from his vision, leaving him with nothing but endless darkness. Theo was sinking into darkness as an unnatural light shone within him, destroying his ability to concentrate on what was happening to him. He was going to explode from the magical pressure building inside of him. There was only darkness and pain and fear and....

Theo's mind snapped back to attention the instant it collided with something impossible to ignore. A tiny light in the darkness called to him, offering him shelter from the chaos of his thoughts.

The more Theo reached for the light, the more familiar it became. He could feel an unmistakable warmth unfurl around him, easing the fury of the energy forcing the shift into a dark form.

Adam, I finally found you.

There could be no mistaking the change in the air. Even Ian could sense that something had changed, despite not having the capacity to voice it in words. Theo didn't appear to be struggling nearly as much as he had before.

It was impossible for Theo to fight the urge to stay in his dark form, but he was making an incredible effort resisting it. He was no longer breathing heavily and was able to maneuver his hands together to expel whatever he could of the power burning within him.

"Fascinating," Alys exclaimed, putting away her notes in order to fully observe what she was seeing. "Finally, a reading that makes sense. Leofric, when we get back to the school, please send our gracious sovereign a message. The situation is as she thought it might be. The boy is stable here where he entered the world, while using a secondary source's power."

"That's wonderful," Leofric replied. "He can follow a fairly standardized course of study then. I'll have most of his entrance package ready within an hour of our arrival." He paused for a moment, running different scenarios through his mind. "And the secondary source? Do we need to contact them?"

Alys shook her head, still marveling at the teen in front of her. With every passing second, the boy seemed more calm, more in control of himself. Provided the right elements, this little hybrid was more than capable of growing into the threat the Sovereign envisioned. Once he learned to control his abilities, who knew what he could do, especially when paired with this secondary source?

"Only the Sovereign and Master Maricourt need to be informed," she decided. "They are our employers. The magic that they have said this boy can produce...well, the Ocean never gifts such power to a single person. You remember the stories. How odd to finally see such a thing in person."

Leofric nodded, still unsure of what his opinion on the matter would be.

"I'd be more inclined to believe the boy is the result of blood and contracted magic," he suggested. "This Dorhack and his daughter making contracts with powerful families and performing illegal magic would also explain the boy's abilities."

"No, this has the stink of a deity all over it. Impossible life magic, pairing the boy off to be grounded by another? You're far too young to know this, but our controversial life deity came into being due to circumstances much like this. Maybe this all started with Dorhack, but even he couldn't pull this off."

"I disagree. Blood magic amplified by a broken curse can easily explain this," Leofric replied. "I suppose we'll see when he gets settled in and starts training which one of us is right."

Alys snapped her fingers again, releasing Theo and sending him crashing to the floor, his dark form immediately vanished.

"It's a bet. Take Mr. Bellamy through the portal and get him settled. I'll be along shortly."

She gestured towards a wall, opening a portal that would lead Leofric and his young charge to the school.

"I have a feeling that this will be one of our more memorable students."

[dateamonster]

actually since its on my mind now im gonna give u another big loredump. this is how angelique gets kicked out of angel school.

to start, a little background info. while celestial and angel are terms used interchangeably, celestial refers more to what angels are as a like species and angel is more like. a career? except not really its more like a career if that career were the only career. its like if humankind was split into like kids and accountants, and if you grew to adulthood and didnt become an accountant youre like not even rly recognized as a person. youre some other weird Thing the other normal accountants dont even have a word for. does that make sense? well moving on.

so the main purpose of young celestials' schooling is to guide them into full-fledged angelhood and help them earn their wings. wings show up usually in like late adolescence to young adulthood upon the completion of some kind of significant life event or milestone. think mlp cutie marks except theyre all functionally the same one. you may be sensing a theme.

new babby angels for the most part kinda just pop into existence, but angels can also be born the ya know traditional way, and angels can procreate with non-angels. the result of an angel and mortal union is a naphal or nephel (plural: nephilim). nephilim are actually a good deal more powerful than your standard angel, possibly due to the fact that theyre not limited by the compulsion towards Goodness that angels are generally beholden to. unlike full celestials who only gain access to the full range of their angelic abilities upon maturation, nephilim are able to access their powers from adolescence onward, but also have a much harder time controlling them, and are broadly stigmatized as dangerous, uncivilized, and impure as a result.

despite this, nephilim are welcome (at least in the most surface level way) and in fact strongly encouraged to integrate into angelic society in the event that their celestial heritage makes them unable to blend in with human society. nephel kids who graduate from an angel institution (and earn their wings, something which a lot of kids experience upon graduation anyway) are even granted honorary full angel status and any trace of their former human heritage is completely erased ^_^ yayy

this is a lot of very rambly worldbuilding but i feel like the context is important.

so back in angel school angelique was a pretty popular kid. top of her class, an exemplary angel in the making, you know the drill. one day by chance she catches a classmate stealing the answers for an upcoming test. the classmate in question is a nephel kid named quinn who was raised human for the first thirteen years of their life before their powers started coming in and they were forced to transfer. as you might have guessed, its not been an easy transition for quinn, and distributing these answers to a few less than studious young celestials is meant to serve as payment for their protection from the pretty much constant bullying.

at first ange doesnt care why theyre doing it, its wrong! but.. quinn points out that she doesnt know what its like. shes the star student, the headmistress' daughter for goodness sakes. theyve been dealt a very different hand.

before angelique can think too much on that though, a teacher walks in and the two of them get busted fighting over the answers. in the heat of the moment angelique takes the fall, protecting quinn. because after all theyre right, the punishment she stands to receive is probably going to be much lighter than what quinn stands to face, right? theres no way the headmistress would punish her own daughter too severely, especially once she explains that she was only trying to do what was right, as always!

angelique doesnt get to explain. angelique gets expelled.

[sentiospoot]

i know i never post Takes™️, but lately i've seen some people (mostly young people) say neurodivergent people can reclaim the r slur. i'm here to tell you right now: no, you can't.

i'm assuming good faith from the people doing this, that they're misinformed about this term or about the purpose and process of reclamation. to be clear, the r slur does not refer to neurodivergence in general. it never has. the r slur refers to a specific classification of cognitive disorders that are considered especially profound: high support/"low functioning" autism, down's syndrome, fragile x syndrome, particularly severe cases of fetal alcohol syndrome, etc. all disorders that are commonly referred to as "intellectual disabilities," which significantly impair the ability to learn and perform basic self-maintenance tasks. if you have been referred to by this term, and you do not have one of these disabilities, the intent was to insult you by associating you with those people, like a straight but effeminate man being called the f slur. i have been called the r slur as a neurodivergent person, but i know none of the people who said that thought i was "really" a r*****. they said it because they thought the comparison was degrading.

though i don't have an intellectual disability personally, i'm fairly qualified to speak on this subject. i have worked in disability advocacy and activism for years. i've consulted on federal disability policy initiatives. my family has a long history of intellectual disability, and i have three close family members who are considered profoundly intellectually disabled and will require lifelong support. i believe i can say with absolute confidence that their experiences are incomparable to most people with neurodivergence, including other people with specific learning disabilities like dyslexia or low-support/"high-functioning" autism. absolutely incomparable.

people with intellectual disabilities have completely different civil liberties from the majority of people with neurological or cognitive disabilities. in the united states, they have very few human rights. they cannot vote. they can't get married. they have no legal right to education and can be denied from public school. they are not protected by minimum wage and can work for free or for pennies. my cousin matt, a thirty year old man with down's syndrome, works a full time job for $2 an hour. on average, their lifespans are sixteen years shorter than the general population, due partly to the lack of accessible healthcare; many medical professionals lack training to treat and communicate with people with intellectual disabilities. in many parts of the country, they cannot bank, own property, or conduct business. even as adults they have very little legal power to overturn decisions made by their caregivers about their lives, including where they live and what level of independence they're given.

this is the community of people that campaigned for decades to take the r slur out of common usage. they are the people hurt by its pejorative use. this community has, broadly, remained firm that the term is unacceptable.

the reappropriation of slurs is a long cultural process wherein the intent is, generally, to neutralize the negative impact of the term by positively self-identifying with it. with the r slur, however, empowerment occurred through the opposite; the stigmatized group refused to self-identify with a term chosen for them, and demanded to be labeled something else, hopefully a term with more respect for their diversity as a community and for their basic human dignity.

the r slur fell out of common usage less than a decade ago. medical research and documentation are still transitioning from using this term to the term the community does self-identify with. the effort to eradicate the term is very much still in motion, and advocates are working hard to make sure it happens.

there is no good reason to use the r word, whether you are neurodivergent or not. it's an incredibly loaded word that targets some of the most vulnerable people in our society. for the purposes of disability activism, most people would be far better served by naming the specific disorder at hand when discussing narrower issues - calling themselves autistic, ADHD, schizophrenic - and using the umbrella term "disabled" for broader discussions. these diagnostic terms are stigmatized enough in their own right - and they really are in the process of being reclaimed by the communities they actually belong to.

people who are curious about intellectual disability activism and advocacy, i recommend checking out some of the resources available through the american association on intellectual and developmental disabilities, which places an emphasis on self-advocacy and civil rights.

i hope this was helpful to give some people context to the issue and its gravity. as always, show empathy, give respect, radiate love. peace.

[garymower]

Today has been really hard. I’m losing weight like crazy I weigh like 113 last time I weighed myself.

I met with Adam and cleared the air there. Guilty feeling for not telling Jake and that some day he might find out the truth that we slept together even though at the time I didn’t think it mattered and would add something else to our pile.

I’m glad I am on this new journey but it’s hard as fuck and idk if I’m even doing it right. I don’t know what is right. It keeps coming to me thinking that we need to separate for a while and do our work and come back together or divorce with clarity.

My codependent nature wants to stay and be what I need to be to stay but my desires and wants and issues with our connection, my own healing communication and understanding in our relationship keep me from my own personal healing.

We will keep hurting each other unless i seek out and fully fulfill my own personal healing.

He is who I want because of how much he loves and cares for me. His goodness. Willingness. Resilience.

Struggle: his obsessive nature, stubborn perspective, farther behind than me in terms of exploration and insight, emotional reactivity, lacking friendship and a connected mutual foundation. Acts of service and doing isn’t his nature so I don’t get my needs met.

The moment I start to feel comfortable it feels like it gets blown up but I can’t access my tools and become so emotionally disregulated.

I wish we could start all the way over clean and fresh.

When a voice is raised, tone changes, etc, it invalidates and sends me into fight flight or freeze. I am so deeply affected by irregularity.

Today was hard. And I did it.

I am so grateful for Jake and his new ability to communicate his feelings, how aware and how articulate he is about them. That’s amazing.

Weirdly enough, night time might be more my jam to talk about things because my body knows it’s time to chill so mind kinda slows down and I have more space and clarity and calm. Morning and day is for getting stuff done and am more preoccupied mentally and physically.

I am grateful for Jake even though things are hard. I am grateful that I am changing even though it’s all very overwhelming and harder than I ever imagined but it’s rewarding and it’s beautiful. I am grateful that I am able to go to therapy. I am thankful that I am healthy. I am grateful to be given chance after chance after chance. I am not bad. I am not perfect. I am living.

I don’t want to feel heartbroken. I also don’t want that to stop me from being honest about what’s really here and advocating for myself in the midst of this fucking painful and confusing and overwhelming and seemingly strong but the most fragile thing I’ve ever been a part of in adulthood.

If the connection I am looking for is there then please let me find it. Please help me find it within myself to be transparent, kind in my approach and response, honest and true about my experience and the hard truth must come out.

Idk if we are going to make it but I am grateful as hell to know someone as incredible as Jake. I wish I didn’t have all these resentments about who he isn’t, who he was and even is or has transitioned into.

Share my experience without question or shame if it’s how I actually feel.

Grateful for my life. It’s rull rocky right now but my boat, my life, has one giant hole that keeps getting patched but the water keeps trickling or pouring in depending on the tides, which change constantly. Just like with everything - moderation and re-evaluating how I can better patch these holes. Idk if it’s a one giant hole or many holes I think it’s one giant hole and other small ones containing less density and mass making them easier to deal with and patch up. This one is so dense and deep that it will eventually swallow me whole. I let myself sink for so long and now that I’m taking care of my boat and taking risks and challenging the sea and all its demons, it is sure that mistakes will be made, wrong directions taken, loneliness, victories, confusion, starvation, empowerment, helplessness…….that all exists even now but I am more alive than ever and just have to stay afloat no matter what.

I am grateful for my resiliency and my awareness. I am trying to trust myself.

Tomorrows mantra: trusting myself

[hatters-workshop]

So weird thing that I have kind of background believed for a long time with the alethiometer in His Dark Materials: I think that most people can't read it mostly because they think they can't, because they know it's difficult (or look at it and don't instantly understand) and that there are *rules*, and they get caught up in that. This is not me trying to be all "rip to them but I'm different" but I think there's also something in the way that Lyra is able to do it, but adults can't, that is aside from the whole deus ex machina.

The series as a whole puts a lot of emphasis on the difference between how children act, think and feel differently to adults. The difference between knowledge and intuition is heavily emphasised. We also know that the whole thing with Dust is that it isn't attracted to children because of this delineation.

There is also the fact that the alethiometers come from a time when symbols were heavily used and everyone would know and understand a lot of meanings for each symbol as second nature. This is contrasted with the scene in The Subtle Knife when Lyra is hooked up to the Cave and she gets the screen to talk to her in the symbols she's learned because that's how she frames the idea of "asking the alethiometer" which she is basically trying to replicate with it, but she tells Mary that she reckons she could get it to speak in words. Which she does, and she understands basically everything that is said to her, though the angels throw some metaphor in there too that isn't instantly obvious.

Now what if, as those symbols fell out of common use, people started making books of reading for those that came after. They knew that the use of symbols was starting to fall out of common parlance, so they listed down all the symbol meanings that they could think of, and when they read the alethiometer, it would stop on the symbol a certain number of times, and when it did it meant this meaning of that symbol, so they noted that down too.

And so it becomes a known thing that if you are going to read the alethiometer, it's *going to be hard work*. You are *going to have to learn all the meanings* and *exactly* what it means at all the different levels. The emphasis is on *knowledge* at all times, so if you are able to access an alethiometer in the first place, you are going to know that you *have to know all this* before you start.

Meanwhile, we have Lyra. She's a child, and on top of that, she as a person is a creature of instinct and stubbornness. But she is also a child that has been brought up in an academic background. Even just in passing, she has a lot of higher level knowledge of metaphor and symbolism than her peers. While she is told that she should need the books of reading, she is also in a dire situation, she has the device that has the answers, and nothing to lose by trying to work with it.

And she does. There are times when her symbol knowledge fails her, or she doesn't have the context to work it out (the chameleon, she doesn't recognise the animal and also doesn't know the myth that they don't eat or drink and just live off air; the symbols that added up to mean that it was telling her that the 'ghost' was a child with no daemon) but for the most part she is able to *intuit* the meaning by herself but also look at the way it is framed in the books. She translates the list of meanings into very conversational interactions.

I always took her loss of the ability to read it as one of the final indicators of her transition from intuitive child to a more logical adult, and how that changes her from a child who is willing to just have a go at something, to try and make it work because it's her only source of power, to an adult whose brain works in knowledge and facts and "the right way to do things".

Part of this is that I have a headcanon that if you were to put child Lyra next to someone who had studied the books, and asked them to get the answer to the same question, you would see different readings come out of them: they would get the same final answer, yes, but I don't think the way they would "read" it would be the same. I think the symbols would be in a different order, or they would have been different symbols chosen based on the person reading them.

I think part of you getting into the frame of mind described in the books is both you being receptive to information, but also engaging Dust/the angels in such a way that they can try and present you with the information in such a way that you will understand as best as they can. Say again with Mary: when the Angels use the metaphor of "play the serpent", I think they were playing in her wheelhouse. If she had been from a completely different culture or religious background, I think they would have found a different metaphor.

Think of it as playing a game of charades. If you know the person well, you will give them clues based on things they understand, in jokes or shared frames of reference, and you'll get to your answer faster. The symbols were put there by people who understood them all clearly at the time and thought everyone else would always understand them. But looking at a current comparison, is someone in two hundred years going to look at a text with 🍆 in it and instantly know the meaning we have ascribed to it?

Meanwhile the other person in this scenario, who had learned the meanings, would have spent their life learning the "correct" meanings. Memorising every meaning of each symbol *as it was written in a book* by a person who was writing down how they personally read the alethiometer. I think they would probably get a very different series of symbols.

[wibble-wobbegong]

gonna start off by saying that my understanding of this stuff is already a little blurry and this scene can be interpreted in many different ways so don’t take my word too strongly

this could totally be a vecna trance!! i think there are some things to consider that suggest otherwise, but i can’t think of anything to explain the rotting flowers

i do wanna say that what will experiences here is most likely an episode like we saw in s2, but we’re no longer in his perspective. as soon as we reentered hawkins, we were put into mike’s pov so what we’re seeing may not be what will is seeing

when we break down the scene where he feels his neck, we can see that!!

the first thing we see is will grabbing his neck and we’re still in that warmer lighting. the first time will ever experiences this is when the mind flayer is visible and out of the storm, which he sees at the end of 2x01. the importance of the neck thing is that it’s always associated with the mind flayer, which is controlled by but separate from henry. will feels henry in his head, which he describes in the cabin, but the mind flayer causes that physical reaction of goosebumps. will is possessed by henry through the mind flayer in s2, so will sees these now memories and is controlled by henry. he doesn’t get goosebumps during his possession, though, only when the mind flayer is near and searching

even more so, when will looks to the sky, this is what we see (this happens right after the lighting change from warm to cool colors)

this type of over-the-shoulder shot was used every single time will saw the mind flayer during his episodes in s2. to us, he just seems like he’s looking at the sky but we aren’t in his pov anymore and when will has these episodes he still physically exists in the RU. there’s nothing in the sky yet, not even the spores. he’s seeing something we can’t see

this is how we see will right before we get the shot of the spores floating down. he’s breathing heavily and rapidly, so much so you can actually hear it over the music. there aren’t any spores yet. jonathan looks at where will is looking and doesn’t seem nearly as panicked, and as much as will would have a harsher reaction to all of this stuff, jonathan isn’t moving to help will. he doesn’t see any danger.

right after this, the camera refocuses on the trees then moved back down to our characters. it’s not a clean transition, it’s actually very abrupt and the duffers have shown that their team can do amazing transitions. it’s barely even a transition, just a weird way to change our focus of the scene. i think we’re supposed to be snapping out of that trance with will. when the camera focuses on them again, will is a million times more relaxed than he was before. i can’t add the video, but here’s a link :)

so what does all of that imply? i think henry is already making moves on will, but he’s doing so through the mind flayer again.

i could be wrong, and it could be possible now that the gates are so large, but it doesn’t seem like henry has the ability to form interdimensional connections without the assistance of the UD itself. he always attached himself to those vines in order to reach across the worldly you divide and curse people. he doesn’t have to use the vines to curse people, as we see with the creel family, but he was in the RU when he did that. henry is currently in the UD and no longer has access to those vines.

in s2, henry chose to go the route of using the mind flayer against will rather than cursing him himself. @aemiron-main actually made a great post recently explaining how will has a resistance to henry’s possession unless will has been possessed by the mind flayer.

there’s another thing about will’s episodes which doesn’t get talked about a whole lot, but whenever he has those episodes they’re almost always preceded by the lights flickering in s2. the only other characters who have been shown to manipulate lights like that are the demogorgon, el, henry, will, and the other lab kids. the demogorgon doesn’t bust out of a wall to come after will, so it wasn’t that. it wasn’t el, because she was all the way in hopper’s cabin. although it could’ve been Will causing them by inadvertently activating transdimensional powers, that’s a much farther reach than us having confirmation of how henry effects lights in s4. when henry uses his powers, the lights flicker. when he’s physically present, the lights get brighter. i think henry was guiding the mind flayer to will by spying on him and alerting the mind flayer of where will actually is, hence the lights flickering before the mind flayer gets close enough to trigger an episode. there aren’t any lights to flicker outside, but the same concept is still applicable if what i’m saying is true.

but why use the mind flayer that way when the gates are already open enough for it to climb through? well, that’s the other thing about will’s episodes. i don’t think he’s seeing into the UD. i have a whole bunch of bigger explanations here but the problem with will’s episodes is that he can’t actually see any other creatures from the UD except the mind flayer. we saw what the UD actually looks like and we know that there are a lot more creatures than there seemed to be, especially in the sky. another thing is that he never actually saw any of the pre-demodogs that were chirping, only heard them much like how everyone else physically disappears, but will can be pulled out of his episodes by hearing someone (mike) call out for him.

i think that when will has his episodes, he’s traveling to the space in between the UD and the RU. he’s the fly that can move along the side of the rope, just like the mind flayer. they’re the only two beings who can travel to that zone. it’s henry’s best way to get a hold of will again because no one can stop the mind flayer when they can’t see it and it’s the only way henry can actually get inside of and control will’s head, so it’s an ideal method.

basically, i think henry was attempting to lead the mind flayer to will and it triggered another episode. i’m not sure exactly what came out of the gates, but it could’ve been the mind flayer or an equivalent. it could’ve just been the storm. either way, henry is definitely doing something and it’s something really fucking bad

honestly, this scene is really weird so i don’t think there’s any one way to get it right and it could be taken a million different ways. the only thing i can’t really explain is the weird rotting patterns, but i don’t think that one issue is enough to discredit all of this. it’s all So. i don’t really get it lmao, but these are the thoughts i have. i know i disagreed, but i hope this was interesting enough anyway :) if i missed any trance-evidence lmk because sometimes i miss crucial posts on info like that

Okay now that I’m taking time to really think about the final scene of volume 2, it literally makes no sense unless it was Will’s vecna trance???

@aemiron-main and @wibble-wobbegong I need y’all’s thoughts on this

[sailormoonandme]

Usagi’s Evolution as a Healer Goddess

The other day I saw a post discussing the evolution of Usagi’s fuku and it occurred to me how Eternal Sailor Moon’s costume was her first Senshi uniform to ditch the tiara. 

That in turn led me to consider how that kind of makes Usagi weaker as it removes a very useful weapon for her. After all, if you include the movies, Usagi uses some variant of Moon Tiara Action in practically every season prior to Stars.

However, dwelling more upon it I realized how this tiny change was all too appropriate for Usagi’s character development.

Firstly, by supplanting the Tiara with her Moon planetary symbol, Eternal Sailor Moon more closely resembles both Queen Serenity, her own Princess Serenity form and her future self as Neo-Queen Serenity. 

Since all three are objectively more powerful than Usagi typically is as Sailor Moon I think the change emphasises how she has ‘levelled up’ in her Eternal form. When combined with the angel wings, Eternal Sailor Moon shifts Usagi visually closer to her future self as NQS, which in the anime is implied to be her most powerful incarnation.* It is almost as though the visual was communicating that the Divine Miracle Magic that she’d previously drawn upon as Princess Serenity in Classic-SuperS had now become ingrained in her standard Senshi form and thus was more accessible to her. 

It was in thinking of her previous efforts as Princess Serenity that I inevitably recalled her duel with Metalia/Beryl in episode 46 and realized that Eternal Sailor Moon was the first time since Classic that Usagi’s default attack was a healing  technique not a destructive one. 

Moon Healing Escalation was Usagi’s first healing technique but until Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss (and it’s later upgrade, Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss) it was also her only healing technique. 

Between regaining healing techniques and ditching her tiara/other destructive attacks/weapons, I think this represents her subtle growth in both her power and status. After all, it is a sad fact of life that it is easier to destroy something rather than fix it, thereby making the latter far more impressive.**

This skewing towards healing power rather than destructive power is also (arguably) thematically appropriate given the nature of Sailor Moon as a female power fantasy as (rightly or wrongly) the act of healing is typically coded as feminine. 

We can even take this further by examining things from the ‘opposite direction’ as it were.

Consider that in the climactic final episodes of Sailor Stars, Eternal Sailor Moon’s healing technique actually fails her when used against Galaxia. In later episodes, upon adopting her Princess Serenity form (complete with larger and more obviously angelic wings), she uses a sword to duel Galaxia.

Obviously a sword is, at least predominantly, an offensive weapon and can therefore be viewed as symbolic of aggression; let’s leave any Freudian or gendered interpretations alone for today. Her use of the sword is highly uncharacteristic (in the anime). Even her explicitly offencive weapons (like the Cutie Moon Rod or Spiral Moon Heart Rod) weren’t as clearly aggressive nor obviously violent. Desperate times calling for desperate measures? Perhaps, but we might also speculate it was her subconsciously reacting to grief. Not only can grief make you act in ways you wouldn’t normally, but a sword after all was a weapon wielded by her lover in his Prince Endymion incarnation. Her lover whom Usagi had just learned Galaxia had murdered. In other words, amidst her grief she reacts by going too hard in the other direction after healing her enemy proves ineffective.

However, when all is said and done the sword fails her.*** Ultimately is simply escalates the conflict by prompting Galaxia to become Chaos Galaxia and thereby make Usagi’s chances of victory all the slimmer. If we wished to stretch things, you could perhaps say that this is a commentary about how war and violence ultimately begets yet more war and violence.

Even if that is an over extrapolation though, it still served to emphasis the point that a sword is not befitting of Usagi, that she was doomed to lose if she continued to battle with destroying her enemy as the end goal.

In fact, her road to real victory begins when she not doesn’t attack Galaxia but makes it easier for herself to be attacked. In the end, Usagi doesn’t confront her most powerful enemy as the God-Queen of the future, the demi-goddess Princess of the distant past, the sailor-suited soldier of love and justice in the present, nor even a humble school girl.

She does it by literally stripping herself of all those things, of stripping herself of everything in fact.

Her weapons? Gone.

Her other items, like her Tiare? Gone.

Her comrades? Gone, and they’d be powerless against Galaxia anyway.

And finally, even her clothes? Gone!

Beyond the Silver Crystal (an outward visualization of her heart/soul) and the angel wings (symbolic of her role as a saviour) she is completely (but tastefully) naked.

Usagi visually and quite literally is more vulnerable  than she’s ever been, even more so than on her first night as Sailor Moon.

And yet this is Usagi at her actual most powerful.

It is her distilled to her absolute essence as a person, all other trappings removed. She’d just one person showing another they will categorically not harm them, that they bear them no malice and they have nothing to hide. That openness and compassion is what ultimately enables her to connect to the good within Galaxia and pull her away from the darkness that had corrupted her.

Usagi in this moment completely fulfilled her character arc.

·      In the Dark Kingdom arc Usagi destroys (or seals away depending upon your POV) Beryl/Metalia.

·      In the Hell Tree arc, Usagi resolves the over all plot via a healing technique (although it is functionally similar to a destructive attack). However, that only happens because the Hell Tree both instructs Usagi to do that and because it lets her. It is the equivalent of a sickly doctor instructing a nurse on what to do to make them better. The nurse might have the power but their agency as a healer is limited.

·      In the Black Moon arc, Usagi, with help, destroys Wiseman/Death Phantom. 

·      In the Death Busters arc, Usagi does save Hotaru and ‘purify’ her. However, like the Hell Tree, that was something Hotaru wanted. Additionally, her purification functioned as a way to heal the body of someone sick and who wanted to sacrifice themselves, not someone actually evil. The evil in question was Pharaoh 90 and it is presumed that Usagi destroyed him (although it might’ve been Hotaru or the pair of them together). 

·      Forgive me for skipping the Dead Moon Circus arc as Chibiusa is the real protagonist there, and Usagi’s role is chiefly as a rescuer. It therefore doesn’t really apply, although the Nehelenia mini-arc from Stars is a different story. There, Usagi was a healer again, but she did it with the help of her loved ones and with the aid of her Tiare device. Nevertheless, we can see by this point Usagi’s capacity as a healer heroine had been gradually growing until we get to the battle with Galaxia.

By the end of series, Usagi has successfully healed Galaxia and it is neither with the aid of her comrades, nor with the power of a weapon or device, nor with any instructions from her ‘patient’ or any other third party.

Additionally, Galaxia (unlike Hotaru) wasn’t someone’s who was saved from a noble self-sacrifice or had a physical ailment that needs to be addressed. In Galaxia’s case, her very soul had lost it’s way and become corrupted. She had lost who she was supposed to be and her purpose in life had been perverted.****

When combined with how powerful Galaxia always was, how Chaos and the Star Seeds empowered her further, Usagi’s victory here cannot be understated.

Her ‘patient’ was more powerful than all her other adversaries, was in need of more healing than her other ‘patients’ and was more resistant to being healed. Not to mention, since she’d directly murdered her beloved friends (and indirectly aborted her future daughter), Usagi would’ve been forgiven for not  even trying to salvage Galaxia 

And yet, with no weapons, no backup and just the power of her heart and soul basically, Usagi succeeded. 

After Stars the idea that Usagi could heal the entire planet after a global catastrophe and reshape it into a fairy tale crystalline utopia was all too believable.

What’s healing one planet when her ability to empathise had already healed a whole galaxy?

Who needs a tiara to reduce evil to dust when you can simply convince evil to be good?

*This is arguably symbolized by baby Hotaru’s vision of NQS transforming into Eternal Sailor Moon in episode 1 of Stars.

In fact, we might argue that a low-key subplot running through all of Stars (both the Nehelenia and Galaxia portions of it) is gradually transitioning Usagi closer to the person she is destined to become as Neo-Queen Serenity, hence why the first episode features the most explicit reference to her fate as Queen since R. 

**Personally I am an atheist, but nevertheless I and others like me can grasp why  deities in most major religions through history weren’t simply capable of mass scale destruction, but also of essentially manipulating reality to create  things too.

By that same token, it’s little surprise that perhaps the widest spread religious figure in history was Jesus Christ who rarely (if ever) engaged in aggression or destructive acts, predominantly employing divine healing powers.

I suspect the attraction of such figures to human beings lies in the fact that on some level we know that, given the right time and resources, we mere mortals would be capable of destroying anything. Given time it’s all but certain we will develop the technology to even destroy planetary bodies. On the flipside, I think we also intuitively grasp that  reversing  such damage, of reattaching a limb, of stanching bleeding, etc, is far more difficult if not impossible. Hence we attributed the ability to do such things to larger than life Divine Entities.

*** Now that I think of it, it’s also poignant that Usagi tries and fails to defeat Galaxia with a sword when we take Sailor Uranus into consideration. 

Uranus is of course associated with her weapon, the Space Sword and, like Usagi, tried and failed to use such a weapon against Galaxia.

Giving Uranus a sword is symbolically appropriate given her role as the leader of the more aggressive branch of the Sailor Team. Having her fail against Galaxia and Usagi consequently fail by in some way ‘mimicking her tactics’ is equally symbolically appropriate. Not only because of their ideological conflict in Sailor Moon S but also their tensions in Sailor Stars itself. In both situations Usagi’s more open, less aggressive, ideology was ultimately proven correct. 

Thus in using a sword against Galaxia it represented how Usagi was always doomed to fail by taking the aggressive/destructive route and how she was arguably not being true to herself in that moment. 

****It’s not to dissimilar to Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker now that I think about it. 

[fortunatelyfresco]

A Holistic Integration of Type 1 Narcolepsy into the Reading of Moist von Lipwig

Literary Interpretation, Disability, and Finding Yourself Between the Lines

As it goes, "I wrote this for me, but you can read it if you want." It might be a fun ride for anyone who is very interested in Moist von Lipwig, or narcolepsy, or both, and/or anyone who enjoys collecting small details from within a body of work and arranging them into threads that are supportable by the text, without being actually suggested by it.

Personally, I find it very interesting to read the meta behind different headcanons, and see how creators can unintentionally write a character who fits certain criteria. There are only so many traits, after all, and some of them tend to travel in groups! Humans are pattern seekers, etc etc.

The first step of reading Moist von Lipwig as narcoleptic is wanting to read Moist von Lipwig as narcoleptic. Being narcoleptic myself and relating heavily to Moist, this step was very easy. I invite you to take my hand and come along, at least briefly, if you were interested enough to click the readmore.

Once you have taken that step, things start falling into place. At least they do if you're intimately familiar with narcolepsy, or if you first learn about it in detail through, for instance, a Tumblr post with an agenda :)

I'll break this down symptom by symptom, citing only the ones I both have personal experience with and see textual support for.

I'll be using OverDrive's search function to catalogue "evidence" in (the American editions of) Going Postal, Making Money, and Raising Steam, so I might miss passages that don't use certain keywords.

Please take any statements along the lines of "being narcoleptic means X" with a huge grain of salt. Sometimes it's just more succinct. Narcolepsy can manifest in many different ways, and is still being actively studied. Don't base your entire understanding of it on a fandom essay I wrote to cope with the crushing pressures of capitalism. I have not even fully read the scientific studies linked here as sources.

Here we go! Spoilers abound.

I. Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS) and sleep attacks.

Being narcoleptic means (salt now, please) that your brain does not get adequate rest while you sleep, no matter how much you sleep. This is because of a disturbance in the order and length of REM and NREM sleep phases. This leads to constant exhaustion. Some sources describe narcoleptic EDS as "comparable to [the sleepiness] experienced by a healthy individual who has been sleep-deprived continuously for 48–72 hours."

(Source.)

Sleep attacks can come on gradually or suddenly. In my case, I become irritable and easily overwhelmed, and nothing matters except finding a place to lie down. A more severe attack, under the right circumstances, can put me to sleep while I'm actively trying to stay awake and engaged.

Moist refers to 6:45 am as "still nighttime." He is "allergic to the concept of two seven o'clocks in one day" and is "not good at early mornings," and the narration even cites this as "one of the advantages of a life of crime; you didn't have to get up until other people had got the streets aired."

In Going Postal, he repeatedly falls asleep at his desk. I can only find two instances, but the first one describes it as having happened "again," so it happens at least three times over the course of one week. Both of the times I found were after Mr. Pump cleared his apartment, giving him access to a bed, and I can't find any reference to the fire destroying it—just that his office is "missing the whole of one wall." His presumably wooden desk is still intact, even, just "charred."

There's also no build-up either time. No direct narration of the time right before he falls asleep, just retroactive accounting for it.

Which is primarily a function of stories not showing us every boring second, and secondarily one of the smaller ways we're shown Moist being overwhelmed and racing to keep up with himself, but tertiarily it's a great set dressing if you've already decided he's narcoleptic. Sometimes sleep is just a thing that happens, without any deliberate transition. Sometimes you sit down to catch your breath or get some paperwork done, and wake up several hours later.

I've found only one example in GP of Moist waking up in his actual bed at the post office: the morning after being possessed by all the undelivered letters. Presumably either they put him there, or Mr. Pump did.

There are two points in Making Money where Moist, in an effort to be a comforting and/or guiding hand, advises people to get some sleep. First Owlswick Jenkins, and then one of the clerks (Robert) who is worried about Mr. Bent.

I take the optimistic view that this is Moist genuinely caring about these people, not just trying to get them to do what he wants. He has always done some combination of those things (GP opens with him having befriended his jailers, after all), but there's definitely a thread of him learning to treat both himself and those around him more like real people. (See also.)

Looking at this thread through narcolepsy-colored lenses, you get Moist perhaps drawing from his own experiences in an effort to be helpful. In Owlswick or Robert's position, what is something he would want to hear from the man currently in charge of his fate, or at least his job? "Get some sleep."

If we accept this as a pattern, it culminates in Raising Steam, when Moist starts to worry about "Dick Simnel and his band of overworked engineers," fixating particularly on their lack of sleep.

What sleep they got was in sleeping bags, curled up on carriage seats, eating but not eating well, just driven by their watches and their desire to keep the train going.

[...]

"People are going to die if we push them any further," he said to Dick. "You lot would rather work than sleep!"

[...]

The young man swayed in front of him and Moist's tone became gentle. "And I see now that part of my job is to tell you that you need some rest. You've run out of steam, Dick. Look, we're well on the way to Uberwald now, and while it's daylight and we're out of the mountains it's going to be the least risky time to run with minimum crew. We're all going to need our wits about us when we get near the pass. Surely you can take some rest?"

Simnel blinked as if he'd not seen Moist the first time, and said, "Yes, you're right."

And Moist could hear the slurring in the young man's speech, caught him before he fell and dragged him into a sleeping compartment, put him to bed, and noted that the engineer didn't so much fall asleep as somehow flow into it.

Moist then recruits Vimes to help him talk the rest of the engineers into getting some rest. The two of them briefly commiserate about people not realizing how important it is.

"I have to teach that to young coppers. Treasure a night's rest, I always say. Take a nap whenever you can."

"Very good."

II. Insomnia.

This is a lesser-known but very common symptom of narcolepsy. Or a comorbidity, depending on how you look at it. It seems counterintuitive if narcolepsy has been presented to you as "sleeping all the time," but it makes sense once you know it's really a matter of disruption in the brain's ability to regulate sleep cycles.

The case for this symptom is flimsier, and I fully admit I'm just reading my own experience into it. But here are two excerpts from Going Postal that I find quite suitable for my sleepy agenda:

1. "A man of affairs such as he had to learn to sleep in all kinds of situations, often while mobs were looking for him a wall's thickness away."

I latched hard onto this detail the first time I read GP.

At my worst, I could not get more than a couple hours of sleep in my bed. I kept taking naps in the bath because it was one of the few places I could sleep. It seemed to fulfill some of the criteria (isolation, temperature control, etc) that my brain demanded in exchange for playing nice.

We're told over and over again, throughout Moist's books, that he functions best under pressure.

(Brief aside: This is often cited as a reason to interpret Moist as having ADHD, which I'm also fully on board with. Not coincidentally, narcolepsy and ADHD share a few symptoms, have a notable comorbidity rate, and are treated with some of the same medications. Source.)

So again, if you're already inclined to read Moist as narcoleptic, the following is an easy jump:

"Moist thinks he's good at sleeping in strange places under strange circumstances. This is because A) his basis for comparison is a disordered attempt to sleep in normal places under normal circumstances, B) something about danger satisfies his brain into running more smoothly, and C) he's a resourceful person who is 'not given to introspection,' and so is less likely to wonder why his body demands sleep at strange times and more likely to focus on finding a place for that sleep to happen, and chalk this up later as a skill."

And returning briefly to EDS: Why would someone like Moist waste time finding a safe place to sleep while people are actively trying to kill him? At the beginning of GP, he leaves Vetinari's office and immediately goes on the run. In multiple books, when he feels threatened, his brain instinctively launches into complex escape plans. We see him successfully blend into an Ankh-Morpork crowd at least once after becoming a public figure.

So why bother? After all, a safe place to sleep is also a safe place to change clothes, or at least remove whatever distinguishing features he's given himself. Why wouldn't he just become someone else and leave town immediately?

The obvious answer is that sometimes things just happen, and an author doesn't need to know or explain every single detail of a character's past.

I would suggest, though, that one of those things might be Moist reaching a point where sleep is just not optional. A point where he not only doesn't, but can't, care about anything else. Where he is too tired to think straight, too tired to talk his way out of trouble, too tired to even contemplate the long journey from one town to the next.

2. "Moist knew he ought to get some sleep, but he had to be there, too, alive and sparkling."

Sometimes (especially in combination with underlying mental health issues) narcoleptic sleep deprivation can bypass everything I've described so far, and lead straight into a manic state. You won't necessarily find that on Google, but it's been my experience.

That's obviously not what the text is implying. "Alive and sparkling" is just a very relatable description. And we do often see Moist getting away from himself, speaking without thinking, making absurd promises that he justifies immediately afterwards as Just Part Of Being Him, always raising the stakes.

And here are a couple of excerpts from Raising Steam that could be interpreted as Moist being a light sleeper, AKA struggling to get deep sleep:

1. "And slowly Moist shut down, although a part of him was always listening to the rhythm of the rails, listening in his sleep, like a sailor listening to the sounds of the sea."

2. "All Moist's life he'd managed to find a way of sleeping in just about every circumstance and, besides, the guard's van was somehow the hub of the train; and although he didn't know how he did it, he always managed to sleep with half of one ear open."

Moist is exactly the kind of opportunist to see that as a useful tool, isn't he?

III. Hypnagogic and Hypnopompic Hallucinations.

These are hallucinations that come on as you're falling asleep or waking up. They can also happen during REM intrusions while you're awake. My most memorable ones include piano notes, someone calling my name, being trapped in the waves of a large body of water, and a huge truck going over a guard rail and tumbling down a hill. These are often, but not always, accompanied by sleep paralysis (and sleep paralysis is often, but not always, accompanied by hallucinations).

In GP, Moist casually cites his own hallucinations as proof that what is happening at the post office is not one.

"They're all alive! And angry! They talk! It was not a hallucination! I've had hallucinations and they don't hurt!"

Obviously that's not true for everyone, but it's true for Moist, and he has enough experience that he immediately recognizes the difference.

At one point while awake, Moist "[snaps] out of a dream of chandeliers" to realize someone has approached him to talk, while he was busy having visions of what the post office used to look like/could look like again.

Now, that's cheating, because we're probably supposed to assume it's a side effect of being possessed, but... I'm putting it here anyway.

There is also perhaps a case to be made for the tendency of Moist's internal monologue to lapse into extremely specific and prolonged hypotheticals. The lines between hallucinations, waking dreams, and "regular" daydreams have always been very blurry to me. I'm especially curious about the example at the end of Going Postal, which goes like this:

"Look, I know what I'm like," he said. "I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. I just wanted to prove to myself I'm not like Gilt. More than a hammer, you understand? But I'm still a fraud by trade. I thought you knew that. I can fake sincerity so well that even I can't tell. I mess with people's heads—"

"You're fooling no one but yourself," said Miss Dearheart, and reached for his hand.

Moist shook her off, and ran out of the building, out of the city, and back to his old life, or lives, always moving on, selling glass as diamond, but somehow it just didn't seem to work anymore, the flair wasn't there, the fun had dropped out of it, even the cards didn't seem to work for him, the money ran out, and one winter in some inn that was no more than a slum he turned his face to the wall—

And an angel appeared.

"What just happened?" said Miss Dearheart.

Perhaps you do get two...

"Only a passing thought," said Moist.

In-universe... what is Adora reacting to? What did just happen? The fact that these incidents are not isolated to Going Postal is a point against it being some sort of literal timeline divergence caused by The Spirit Of The Post.

So maybe Moist visibly zoned out. Maybe he had some kind of minor but noticeable cataplexy attack (more on those later) as part of a REM intrusion, brought on by the intense emotions he's currently struggling with.

IV. Vivid Dreams.

Again, at least some of this is probably supposed to be part of the possession, but I've been professionally projecting myself onto the surreal dreams of magically afflicted characters for years. Do try this at home.

1. "Moist dreamed of bottled wizards, all shouting his name. In the best tradition of awaking from a nightmare, the voices gradually became one voice, which turned out to be the voice of Mr. Pump, who was shaking him."

2. Moist is uneasy about the Smoking Gnu's plan, and then he has an extremely detailed dream about the Grand Trunk burning down.

This culminates in "Moist awoke, the Grand Trunk burning in his head," followed by a paragraph of him thinking things through and starting to form his own alternative plan, followed immediately by "Moist awoke. He was at his desk, and someone had put a pillow under his head."

So he fell asleep at his desk, woke up from a vivid nightmare, was awake just long enough for a coherent train of thought, and then passed back out. Which once again is not "proof" of anything, but fits the predetermined interpretation like a glove.

V. Cataplexy.

Cataplexy is a sudden loss of muscle control, usually triggered by strong emotions. This is thought to be a facet of REM intrusion—waking instances of the atonia that is meant to stop us from acting out our dreams.

The most well-known manifestation is laughter making your knees buckle, but it's not always that severe. My own attacks range from facial twitching, usually when I'm angry or otherwise extremely upset, to all-over weakness/immobilization and near-collapse when I laugh. My knees have fully buckled once or twice.

This is the biggest stretch. This is the one that is absolutely only there if you've already decided to read entire novels between the lines. It's also not even necessary for the broader headcanon; plenty of people have narcolepsy without cataplexy (or such mild cataplexy that it's never noticeable, or very delayed onset, etc).

However. I am doing this for fun. So I want him to have it. It's also become a major part of how I imagine Moist engaging with emotion, and I'd like to make a case for that.

There are a few scattered references to Moist's legs shaking, or being unsteady, or outright giving way, but there's usually an external physical reason, and/or enough psychological shock to justify it without a medical condition.

The most compelling example I've found so far comes from Moist and Adora's conversation about people expecting Moist to deliver letters to the gods.

"I never promised to—"

"You promised to when you sold them the stamps!"

Moist almost fell off his chair. She'd wielded the sentence like a fist.

"And it'll give them hope," she added, rather more quietly.

"False hope," said Moist, struggling upright.

"Almost fell off his chair" at first sounds like casual hyperbole, but then "struggling upright" implies it was a bit more literal. It's also an accurate description of me recovering from my more severe attacks, supporting myself on a wall or my spouse, or pushing myself up if I've fallen over in bed.

That happens to me multiple times per day, by the way. It doesn't bother me, and I didn't realize there was anything unusual about it for a long time. I barely think about it, except to fondly note that my spouse is good at making me laugh.

Which is to say, even severe cataplexy is not always noticeable or debilitating. Sometimes it absolutely is! It can be downright dangerous, depending on where you are, what you're doing, and whether you have any other conditions it might exacerbate. I don't want to undermine that.

I am just hell-bent on justifying the idea that this fictional character could have repeated attacks throughout the canonical narrative that are so routine they don't merit an explanation, or even a description. Especially for someone who is used to hiding his few distinguishing features behind false ones that are much more memorable. (See also.)

(That link goes to my own fanfic. Sorry.)

On the milder side, between Going Postal and Making Money, there are three instances of Moist's mouth "dropping open" when he's shocked, upset, confused, or some combination of the three. This is the kind of thing that shows up a lot in fiction, but rarely happens so literally in real life.

(There's technically a fourth instance, but I'm not counting it because it seems to be a deliberate choice on his part to convey surprise.)

And then there's laughter. Or rather, there isn't. I could be missing something, but I've searched all three books for instances of laughter and various synonyms (not counting spoken "Ha!"s), and what I've come up with is:

Moist laughs once in Going Postal, when he receives the assignment for the race to Genua.

Two packages were handed over. Moist undid his, and burst out laughing.

There's also an instance earlier in the book where Moist nearly "burst[s] out laughing."

I find the specifics here interesting, and, for our purposes, fortuitous. Cataplexy is complicated and presents differently for everyone. In my case, when laughter triggers an attack, one of the effects (which is sometimes also a cause) is that I laugh very hard, with little or no control. "Burst out laughing" is quite apt.

Let's move on to Making Money, and start with a quick tangent:

Mr. Bent explains that he has no sense of humor due to a medical condition, and that he isn't upset about this and doesn't understand why people feel sorry for him.

Moist immediately starts in with "Have you tried—" before getting cut off by the frustrated Bent.

Out-of-universe, "Have you tried" is such a well-known refrain to anyone with an incurable condition, I'm not at all surprised to find it in a book written by someone who had at least begun the process that would lead to a diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer's. And Pratchett has certainly never shied away from portraying ignorance in his protagonists.

In-universe, it feels a little odd. Moist's tongue runs away from him all the time, but usually in the form of making ridiculous claims or impossible promises. Moist's entire stock-in-trade is People Skills, and it feels strange for him to make this kind of mistake immediately after being told Mr. Bent is not looking for solutions.

But if one were reading with, for instance, the idea in mind that Moist himself has an incurable condition related to laughter and is enthusiastic about, but still relatively new to, the practice of drawing on his own experiences to help people... it is easy to imagine the gears in his head turning the wrong way, superimposing those experiences over the tail end of Mr. Bent's explanation. Disabled people are not immune to these well-meaning pitfalls.

There is another Mr. Bent moment that I want to discuss, but we'll circle back around to it later.

I found two instances of Moist himself laughing in MM.

1. "He said it with a laugh, to lighten the mood a little."

This is deliberate laughter, employed as a social tactic. A polite chuckle, probably. Not the sort of thing that generally triggers cataplexy.

2. "Moist started to laugh, and stopped at the sight of her grave expression."

The first and only involuntary laugh in MM. It doesn't always trigger attacks...

Which brings us to Raising Steam. Compared to the first two books, Moist laughs a lot here. I count nine instances. Two of them are "burst out laughing"s, a couple include him as part of a group, some of it comes off as deliberate, and some of it doesn't.

I've always seen a lot of... rage in Raising Steam. Combing through it for laughter, I realized Moist's emotions in general are much closer to the surface here, and he's much less concerned about letting people see them. He laughs with friends and acquaintances, he cries in front of strangers, he shouts at Harry King, he has that entire conversation with Dick that boils down to "I'm very worried about you," etc.

Opinions vary wildly and sharply on Raising Steam. I have my own hangups with it, as I do with most books in the series. (Every time I make a new Discworld post, Tumblr passive-aggressively suggests the tag "my kingdom for a discworld character who is normal about women and other species.")

But I like this particular change in Moist, and I choose to see it as character development. He's trading in the professional detachment of a conman for the ability to grow into himself as a person and make meaningful connections.

So, what does that have to do with cataplexy? A lot.

I don't want to get too maudlin, so I'll just say I have plenty of personal experience with emotional repression masking cataplexy symptoms. And so, I believe, does the version of Moist we've put together over the course of this post.

Which brings us back to Making Money, and Mr. Bent. He says something about Moist that I find very interesting: "I do not trust those who laugh too easily."

Unless I've missed something, at that point in the book, Moist has never actually laughed in front of him. And Mr. Bent is a man who pays very close attention to details.

So, what is the in-universe explanation for this? I'd like to propose that Moist is very skilled at seeming to laugh, without actually laughing. He smiles, he's friendly, and he makes other people laugh, which is another thing Bent dislikes about him. He gives the impression of being someone who laughs a lot. (He certainly left that impression on me; I was very surprised by the lack of examples in the first two books.)

Even staying strictly within the bounds of canon, it's easy to imagine why this might have become part of Moist's camouflage in his previous life. He wasn't looking to get attached to anyone, and he didn't want anyone getting inside his head. Engaging with people genuinely enough to laugh at their jokes would run counter to both of those things, but some of his personas still needed to come off as friendly and sociable.

Still working within the canon, it makes sense to assume he's similarly distanced himself from emotion in general. He sits in a cell for several weeks without truly believing he's going to die. He's bewildered when Mr. Pump points out that his schemes have hurt innocent people. He has no idea what to do with his feelings for Adora. Etc.

Interpreting Moist as having cataplexy adds an extra element of danger. Moist thrives on danger, but there's a difference between the thrill of a con and the threat of sudden, uncontrollable displays of vulnerability. And so it becomes even easier to see him stifling his own emotional capacity.*

We meet Moist at a moment of great upheaval. He is forcibly removed from his cocoon of false identities, and pushed out into the world as himself. And we are shown and told throughout Going Postal that he does not know how to be himself. (See also.)

He is repeatedly stymied by his own emotions. He gets tongue-tied and confused around Adora, he snaps at Mr. Pump, he lashes out at Mr. Groat, he gets lost in school flashbacks when he meets Miss Maccalariat. This thread continues in Making Money, where the sudden reappearance of Cribbins immediately rattles him into making an uncharacteristic mistake.

I called him Cribbins! Just then! I called him Cribbins! Did he tell me his name? Did he notice? He must have noticed!

Later in the same book, Moist misses a crucial opportunity to run damage control on the bank's public image... because he's excited to see Adora.

The Moist of GP and MM is not used to feeling things so deeply. It throws him off his game. I'm not at all suggesting cataplexy is the only (or even primary) reason for that, but I do think there's room for it on both sides of the cause and effect equation.

With or without the cataplexy, I find Moist's relative emotional openness in Raising Steam... really nice. (It's a work in progress. He's still getting a handle on anger.)

Cataplexy just adds another dimension. A physical manifestation of emotional vulnerability, which would have been especially untenable for a teenager on the run. Just one more facet of the real, human, fallible Moist von Lipwig who spent years buried beneath Albert Spangler and all the rest.

Another piece of himself that Moist is growing to understand and accept, as he learns to more comfortably be himself.

The Moist of Going Postal runs into a burning building to save lives without fully understanding why he wants to, and justifies it on the fly as an essential part of the role he's trying to play.

The Moist of Raising Steam mindlessly throws himself under a train to save two children, and then blows up at Harry King about the lack of safety regulations. Freshly traumatized by the murder of several railway workers and his own violent, vengeful response to it, he still offers, in the face of Harry's own grief, to be the one to inform their families. On a long and dangerous journey with plenty of moving parts to think about, he worries about Dick Simnel and the other engineers, and pushes them to take better care of themselves.

He also meets a bunch of kids who nearly derailed a train as part of a childish scheme. His admonishment is startlingly vivid.

"Can you imagine a railway accident? The screaming of the rails and the people inside and the explosion that scythes the countryside around when the boiler bursts? And you, little girl, and your little friends, would have done all that. Killed a trainload of people."

[...]

"I'll square this with the engine driver, but if I was you I'd get my pencil and turn any clever ideas you have like this into a book or two. Those penny dreadfuls are all the rage in the railway bookshops."

Maybe what he is also saying, between the lines, is:

I left home at 14 and began a life of smoke and mirrors. I was empty inside, and I thought everyone else was, too. It was all fun and games, and then a man made of clay told me I was killing people. Nip it in the bud, child. Write books.

------------

*There are studies suggesting that in addition to deliberately employed "tricks," people with cataplexy may experience physiological reactions in the brain meant to inhibit laughter. (Source 1, Source 2.)

Most of the information here is way over my head, but that second link also says "one region of the brain called the zona incerta (meaning 'zone of uncertainty') was only activated during laughter in people with narcolepsy, not in controls. Research on the zona incerta in animals suggests that it also helps to control fear-associated behavior."

The linked article about that (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-03581-6) is also over my head, but I would certainly describe Moist von Lipwig as having unusual fear responses.**

**Narcolepsy is a fun roller-coaster ride of constant scientific discoveries about exactly which parts of your brain are paying too much attention, not paying enough attention, or trying to eat each other.

[crystalessenceswrites]

Hi Again! I was wondering if you wrote for the clones? (I'm thirsting for Wolffe!!) If not, that's ok! And if so, I thought maybe something fluffy and a bit hot with Wolffe? I'm a huge sucker for the trope- Reader tries to hide that she hasn't been feeling well and turns out she's pregnant? With twins! She's scared because even though they're committed, it wasn't planned? And then fluff and some love making?? <3333

Hi lovely, welcome back! I am open to writing for the clones, I just haven’t done so yet! I too thirst for Commander Wolffe so you’re in luck! This trope is def very cute, the end turned out more fluffy than spicy, I hope that's alright.

Commander Wolffe x fem!reader Rating: E (18+) Warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected p in v sex, unplanned pregnancy, swearing (first time writing for Wolffe, may be slightly ooc)

[PART TWO]

There was never enough time. You really should not have been surprised by the revelation, you were at war, but it still sat heavy on your chest. Always needed elsewhere as soon as you completed a mission. Never time to rest, even in transit. Someone always needed your attention for reports, strategic planning or council meetings as the GAR cruiser hurtled through hyperspace. It never left you enough time for him. Thankfully, the stubborn nature of your clone commander allowed him to make time, even if just a spare moment, for the two of you.

“Oh fuck,” you throw your head back against the door as he reaches that spot deep inside you. Pushing you ever closer to the edge. “Wolffe, please-” you’re whining as he grinds up into you, throbbing inside you. He’s always had the uncanny ability to read your body, he knows better than you when you’re close to bliss and he enjoys drawing it out. To think Commander Wolffe was a fucking tease.

“Please what, cyare?” His smug grin slides across your chest following the trail of marks he’s littered across your skin where no one will see. “What does ner jetii need?”

“Please, ‘m so close,” you tighten your legs around his waist, trying to draw him in closer, anything to reach your release, “please, Wolffe!”

He groans into your neck as you tug at the curls fallen loose at the nape of his neck, “well when you ask so nicely, cyare.”

His sudden thrust up pushes the air from your lungs. Your mouth falls open in a silent scream as he pounds into you, all teasing forgotten. He’s relentless as you tighten around him, the coil in your belly threatening to snap.

“That’s it,” he grunts, “come on my cock ner jetii.”

His words and his gloved thumb brushing over your bundle of nerves has you falling apart around him. White hot pleasure rolls over you, leaving you a limp, moaning mess in Wolffe’s arms.

“That’s it, mesh’la. Squeezing me so kriffing tight,” he groans, hips stuttering, his own release fast approaching. “Fuck.” Wolffe manages a few more thrusts before he buries himself in you, spilling himself inside you. Whispered praises fall from his lips as he comes down from his own high. His lips ghost over yours in a chaste kiss as he withdraws, tucking himself away before he lets you down.

Your legs cry out in relief when they meet solid ground, not longer clinging to Wolffe for support.

“Good, cyare?” his hand sweeps over your brow, so tender for a man with such a fierce reputation, even amongst his brothers.

“Mhmm,” leaning into his touch, he chuckles at your blissed out expression.

“Someone’s bound to come looking for you soon, General. Let’s get you cleaned up.” You don’t protest as he helps you redress, though you do moan about how unfair it was he just had to remove his codpiece and you had to strip completely out of your robes for these little storage closet rendezvous’.

“I don’t think jedi robes were designed to allow for easy access, cyare.”

You pout, “you’re probably right.” There was that whole bit about no attachments you were blatantly ignoring after all.

Before the commander can come back with another sharp retort your commlink blinks to life. “Yes?”

“General, General Plo is looking for you on the bridge.”

You sigh, “thank you, Sinker. I’ll be right there.”

Never enough time.

.

The next couple of months continue much the same. You and Wolffe sneaking away between missions when you can, trying to find solace in each other despite all the horrors you both see on the battlefield. In a war that seems to stretch on forever he is your rock. As he watches his brothers fall, one after the other, you are his comfort. It breaks your heart to be apart from him but there is little you can do to control it. When the council requests you to join Obi-wan and Anakin for a series of missions you cannot object. Instead, you drag your tired self out to the far reaches of the outer rim to help them as best you can.

“You look exhausted, my dear.” Such tact this one possessed.

You roll your eyes, “you don’t look much better, Kenobi.” Though you doubt he has been waking in the middle of the night to empty the contents of his stomach like you have for the past week.

“This war does seem to be pushing us all to our limits.”

“I’ll race you!” Ahsoka sprints by, apparently headed for some target or another with her master hot on her heels.

“Snips!”

Cody chuckles under his bucket, shaking his head as the two disappear into the distance.

Obi-Wan scrubs a hand over his face, “it’s pushed most of us to our limits.”

“What I wouldn’t give to have the energy of a padawan again,” you groan.

“I agree wholeheartedly,” Obi-wan nods, “we should all try to get some rest while we can. We need to break camp near dawn.”

You agree and bid your fellow jedi an early goodnight. With the headache you could feel coming on, sleep sounded like a good idea. As you go to stand the world spins around you, any sense of balance you had gone. You reach for the crate you had been sitting on to try and stay upright but you miss by a mile. Knees giving out you collapse to the floor, the world around you still spinning. You can barely hear Cody shouting over the ringing in your ears.

“Call for a medic! The General’s collapsed!”

.

By the time you regain consciousness you’re no longer planet side. Obi-wan had been quick to have you medevacked to the closest med-station for testing. The unholy white lights of the station burn your eyes when you finally come to. Your sudden groaning draws Kix back to your bedside.

“General. Good to see you’re back with us.”

“Kix?” You try to focus on the 501st medic instead of the bright lights, “what happened?”

“You collapsed back at the forward camp. We weren’t able to determine what was wrong with the limited medical supplies we had on hand, so General Kenobi called an air lift for you.”

Another groan bubbles up, Obi-wan had been forced to waster precious resources on you. “Were you able to find out what’s wrong?”

The clone’s face falls, “yes.”

You’ve never heard the medic sound so meek before. “Kix?”

“I’m not sure what’s the best way to explain this, General… but you’re pregnant.”

Oh.

Oh.

“H-how far along?”

“Looks like just over two months,” Kix shifts from foot to foot, pointedly not looking you in the eye. You can’t blame him for being uncomfortable, this isn’t quite the medicine he’d been expecting to practice. He was a combat medic not an obgyn. “We were able to get an ultrasound, would you like to see?”

Nodding, you sit up, your head now spinning for completely different reasons. Kix brings you a datapad displaying the grainy black and white image.

“Kix… am I seeing this right?”

“Yes, general.”

“There’s two…”

“Yes general. You’re having twins.”

Oh fuck.

.

Kix is a godsend, having worked with Anakin and Rex long enough to know reporting everything may not always be a good idea. The official report on your sudden collapse reads that you suffered from a foreign infection your body had not been prepared to fight, coupled with the battle fatigue, your body had shut down in order to force you to rest. Obi-wan and the council believe it, ordering you back to Coruscant to recover and rest. You knew you would have to tell them; it would not be long until you were showing, but you would much rather deal with the council in person than from your medbay bed.

Before your escort arrives, Kix slips you a disk with a copy of the ultrasound pictures, “in case there’s someone you want to show them to.”

“Thank you, Kix,” he blushes when you give him a quick peck on the cheek, “you’ve done more for me than you’ll ever know.”

You do your best to rest on your trip back to Coruscant but its incredibly difficult when your mind is going a parsec a minute. Besides the council there’s one other person you have to break the news to. While you two had talked about what life would be like for the two of you after the war, this was not something you had discussed. You were not sure if Wolffe wanted kids ever, let alone now. Having twins while the whole galaxy was at war was not ideal. Not when the two of you were expected to put your lives on the line for the Republic.

Panic washes over you when you arrive at the capital to find the wolfpack waiting for you on the tarmac. They’d just arrived back for some long overdue shore leave and Plo had informed them of your sudden illness. Normally you would be touched by how much they cared for you, but now all you can think about is how you are not ready to face Wolffe. Not yet.

You can feel his gaze heavy on your back as you field Sinker and Boost’s barrage of questions.

“I’ll be alright, I just need to take my medicine and get some rest. It shouldn’t be long before I’m right as rain again.” You hate lying to them, but you did not want them worrying unnecessarily either.

It seems to appease them; the pack wishes you well and invites you out to 79’s with them as soon as you’re recovered. Wolffe hangs back, watching his brothers go.

“I’ll walk you back, general.”

“No.” It comes out much harsher than you’d like. The surprise that washes over his face feels like a stab to your gut. “There’s no need, Commander. I’ll be alright.”

His voice drops, brow furrowed together, “cyare?”

“Not now, Wolffe,” you frown, “I just need to go lay down. We’ll talk later.”

But you don’t. You cannot find it in yourself to answer any of his calls or messages over the next few days. Instead, you wrap yourself up in as many blankets as possible and hole up in your quarters while you try to figure out what to do. You watch Coruscant go by from your window. It’s only when Sinker and Boost call that you’re freed from running around in circle inside your head.

“Boost? Sinker? What’s going on?”

“Oh thank goodness you’re alive, General!”

“Boost what are you going on about?”

“The Commanders been going crazy! He hasn’t heard from you in over a week and we don’t think he knows how to handle it!”

Although you and Wolffe did your best to keep your relationship hidden, in such tight quarters it was hard to keep it from Wolffe’s brothers. You’d never outright admitted it to them, but you figured they understood what was going on. You were glad for it now.

“I’ve seen him pace before, but never like this,” Sinker adds.

Oh Maker. “Where is he?”

“The barracks, General.”

“I… I’ll speak with him, alright? Hopefully that will calm him down.”

“Thank you, General! We were running out of ways to distract him!” That was the kind way of saying ways to annoy him to keep Wolffe’s mind off you.

“Thank you, Boost, Sinker.”

“Good luck, General!”

You were going to need it. This was not a conversation to have over the com so you make your way down to the barracks, doing your best to avoid attention when you can. It was not like you weren’t allowed there, but the last thing you needed was more questions.

Boost and Sinker were not lying about the pacing. Punching in the access code to his quarters reveals a tightly wound Wolffe, pacing back and forth across the length if the tight space. His armor has been haphazardly discarded around the room. You’re surprised he hasn’t worn a path into the floor yet.

“General?” Surprise and then relief fall over his face when he catches you standing in the doorway.

“Wolffe, I-”

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be resting.”

You’re thrown off by the sudden cold tone in his voice. “I-I came to explain, Wolffe… to apologize.”

“Apologize?”

“I’ve been avoiding you Wolffe,” your voice cracks despite your best efforts to remain calm, “and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, I just needed to find a way to tell you and I couldn’t.”

His frown deepens, “tell me what?”

“That I’m pregnant.”

“What?” He looks at you live you’ve grown another head.

“I’m pregnant, Wolffe.”

It takes him a moment to wrap his mind around your words, but you can see the instant he does, his mouth dropping into an ‘o’ as his jaw falls slack.

“You’re pregnant? With my… with my baby?”

“Babies,” you correct.

His brain seems to sputter out again, “babies?”

You nod, “twins.”

Before you can blink, he’s got you wrapped up in his arms, spinning you around the room. “Twins. You’re having twins.”

It takes everything you have not to start bawling. Kriffing hormones. You’ve never seen Wolffe this happy. This was beyond any reaction you could have imagined. The awe on his face when he sets you down makes your heart melt.

“This is why you were sent back? Your sudden illness?”

“Well yes… but Kix’s report was that I had an infection. I wanted to talk to your first before anyone else. I just didn’t know how.”

His warm hand oh-so-gently cups the side of your face. You lean into the touch. After even just a few weeks apart you’re starving for him.

“Why were you worried, cyare?”

“We’d never talked about kids. And we’re in the middle of a war. Not to mention we’re not even supposed to be together on the first place… I didn’t know how you’d react…”

His face softens, his amber eye drifting down to your nonexistent bump. “I’ll admit, I’m surprised. It may not be how either of us hoped, but it is a pleasant surprise.”

“Really?”

“Really, cyare.” You cannot help but smile as he pulls you in for a kiss. His lips slanting against your own as he holds you close. “I know there may be somethings we need to work out, but we’ll take it one step at a time,” he murmurs against your lips, hands tracing patterns across your back. “We’ll figure it out together.”

[cinematicnomad]

i hope you feel better soon! (and if you don’t mind me asking for some advice? would you mind talking a little about your transition to grad school? i’m in the middle of filling out applications and i’m looking at all of these requirements and stuff that they’re asking for and i don’t have anything at all that would make me a decent candidate - i tried my best during undergrad but my grades were never above subpar and i finished out school in lockdown so i don’t have any experience either - even though i /know/ i’d be really good at the work…. i’m just….feeling very despondent right know)

((sorry for the rambling 😅)

heyyyy anon! okay! i am totally happy to answer these questions. i am, in fact, a GREAT person to ask about this because i work in graduate admissions sooo i have more than just my own personal graduate school experience to help answer, but my entire career as well 😅

now, first caveat: i work for an engineering school, and graduate admissions does have some nuances that are unique to each general subject—what we do when reviewing an application for, say, a student applying to mechanical engineering, is gonna be v different from what the law school looks for, or what the english looks for, etc etc. but there are some general tips and tricks that i am happy to share!

first things first, your GPA is not the be all and end all. it really is a holistic review of your materials. i applied to grad school with a solid 3.0 from undergrad and i got in, and i can for SURE tell you that we admit students to the engineering program that have lower GPAs, even lower than our stated average on our website (but obviously—be aware, if admitted, most grad programs DO require that you maintain above a 3.0 in the program to graduate).

now, that holistic review comes in through the other materials you submit—your letters of recommendation, your resume, your statement of purpose, any test scores that are required...etc etc. (i'm not sure if your application requires test scores—i know a lot of admissions offices have moved away from them during the pandemic because accessing tests was v difficult for a time and waiving it obviously lead to an increase in apps which schools love to see.)

(this got long: more below the cut)

for your letters of recommendation: ask professors or employers who can really speak to your ability to succeed in graduate school. if they're somebody in the same field/subject that you're applying to, that's even better bc their opinion carries more weight. a lot of times we get students who submit letters of rec from people with really high titles but who don't know the student for shit and give a real generic letter—that's not helpful. the admissions office is going to be looking for specificity and for someone who can really speak about you and your strengths and why you're a good fit.

if you're worried about asking for a letter of rec bc it's been too long since you spoke to the professor/were in their class/etc, here's my advice: send them an email asking how they're doing and giving a quick update on your life. explain that you're applying to grad school (and where) and that you'd like to ask for a letter of rec from them. remind them what class (or classes) you took, what grade(s) you received (if they're good), what semester you were enrolled in, and why you liked it (their lectures were memorable! the subject material is what made you want to pursue a master's! it's the most fun you had in undergrad! etc etc etc). IF you saved copies of your old papers, offer to re-share them with the professor if they need a reminder of examples of your work. and then thank them for their time and consider and wait for their response. DON'T add their names to the application until they agree to write you a letter bc a lot of the app systems these days will auto-send the email to your recommenders as soon as their info is added, even before you have submitted the application.

THIS i speak from personal experience 😅 thankfully the professor agreed to write the letter anyway, lol

(note: extra rec letters, do not really help you at all. if an application requires 2, you don't get any extra kudos for submitting 3, or 4, or 5...when that happens there's no way to guarantee that the app reviewer will take the time to read all the submitted letters, they may just pick 2 at random, and those might not be the strongest. so it's best to stick to the requirements and to pick the recommenders who will sing your praises).

the resume is obvious—if you're worried GPA this is the place where you can highlight any special projects that you've worked on or jobs that you've had related to the area of study you're applying to. it's just a space that gives you the opportunity to provide the admissions office with more info about you, your skillset, and your background.

last, that statement of purpose. first thing: follow whatever instructions the program provides. the statement of purpose is where they're looking to see if you pay attention to detail. if there's a prompt, make sure you respond to it, and if there's a word count, make sure you stick to it. for the programs i work on, we typically look for 500 words max—if a student goes over that by 100 words, no big deal. if a student goes over that by 1500 words?? oh yeah, that's a problem. i know some faculty members who will just....stop reading the statement around that 500 mark even if there are still 3 more pages to go. we're looking to make sure that you can be concise and to the point and that you can follow directions.

if there's no prompt (my programs don't have one!) then it can be a little daunting what to write. a good framework that i suggest to students that i speak with is: past, present, future. so, start off talking about your past (where you got your bachelors, what you studied in undergrad, etc). since you mentioned your grades weren't the best, you can use this space to add in an explanation about how distance learning wasn't for you/the pandemic had an impact on your studies, etc. then move onto present: what are you doing now (are you about to graduate? are you working? is it in a related field or something totally different, etc) and why this is the moment you want to go to grad school. and then: future. what will grad school do for you and why is THIS PROGRAM the right fit. be sure to name drop the CORRECT school (you will not BELIEVE how many essays i've read with the wrong school). if it fits, mention any faculty that you're interested in working with/learning from, and any classes that look interesting to you. you can also talk about the location and/or the university in general, and how this program will help you to achieve your goals of xyz.

soooo those are most of the standard application materials. obviously some programs will require other things—portfolios, writing samples, etc, i can't speak to those with much authority.

make sure you pay attention to the application deadline! these will vary by program. submitting an application early doesn't usually help, but submitting an application LATE can hurt you, so try to make sure to have everything submitted on time.

BUT, last tip: a lot of admissions offices will offer application fee waivers so, take the time to search the website, sign up for an information session if you can (they'll usually drop a code at the end of the webinar), etc. if you don't see anything obvious, seriously, just send an email to the admissions team and ask if there's any way to qualify for an app fee waiver. if the answer's no, no big deal, but if there IS a way (like one of those webinars) they'll let you know, and then you can save yourself a good $80 or more.

ANYWAY, this got long, but i hope it helped. i'm here if you have any other questions. BEST OF LUCK!!

✨sleepover friday✨

[nightingaelic]

Fallout 4 companions respond to getting captured by Super Mutants (for optional added angst, maybe even getting turned into a super mutant). Strong not included for obvious reasons.

Ada: "Be advised: My guardian has equipped me with a tracking device in the event of my capture. You lack the privileges necessary to access their estimated time of arrival."

Ada is always matter-of-fact about her situation, even if her legs aren't functioning and she's squashed between two bags of body parts on the floor of an abandoned hospital. She's also patient, and content to wait until the sole survivor comes to retrieve her. In the meantime, she'll run escape scenario algorithms to determine the best way out of the building. Not affected by FEV for obvious reasons.

Cait: "Are you f***ing serious?! I'll tear your ears off with my bare hands and string them on a necklace! You don't know who you're messin' with, you green bastards!"

No one can match Cait in sheer viciousness when fighting to free themselves, but even she has her limits. The sole survivor would likely find her in a cage, hyperventilating and on the verge of tears. If the super mutants made the mistake of exposing her to FEV, she would tear the nest apart herself. Mutation would be another internal struggle for Cait, but I think she could successfully make peace with her new state of being if given enough time. A makeshift, giant baseball bat might help.

Codsworth: "Unhand me, you brutes! By God, the class of people I'm forced to associate with these days just keeps falling!"

Pre-war Codsworth is constantly offended by the super mutants' behavior, particularly their lack of housekeeping. He can't help bemoaning his situation for all to hear, something that would probably annoy the super mutants enough to bonk him on the dome until he shuts down. Some assembly required once the sole survivor catches up with him. Not affected by FEV for obvious reasons.

Curie: "While we are waiting, would any of you mind answering some questions for me about how you came to exist in this state? Ça vous dit?"

With a wide new world of oddities to study, Curie takes her abduction as yet another opportunity to learn. If nothing else, she can observe super mutants in their natural- or at least chosen- habitat. Prior to her synth transition, not affected by FEV for obvious reasons. Post-synth transition, however, I think Curie would take the mutation as an opportunity to study the effects that turn a person into a super mutant. I don't think she would lose her bubbly personality, similar to the way Lily the nightkin retained some of her old sense of self.

Danse: "You may have the upper hand today, but you and the other freaks of nature are fighting a losing battle." [spits]

Having lost the most to super mutants in the past, Danse fights his captors until he is completely spent. In fact, the sole survivor would have to practically carry the man home for a lengthy recovery, something his suit of power armor would definitely help with. Mutation into a super mutant is one of Danse's worst nightmares, and if exposed to FEV, he would beg the sole survivor to show him the same mercy he once showed Cutler.

Deacon: "Oh yeah, this reminds me of that summer I spent camping out on the National Mall. You even look familiar. Know anyone by the name of Uncle Leo?"

Like in every tight spot he's ever been in, Deacon masks his stress level with quick wits and quicker retorts. Most likely to slip his confines, let the sole survivor fight their way to the heart of the nest, then reveal he was free the whole time and they needn't have bothered. If exposed to FEV, Deacon would probably panic and enlist the sole survivor's help in searching for a cure, positive that a mutated countenance would irreparably damage his ability to help the Railroad. Then again, he might see it as a "new look" and use it to his advantage for a bit.

Dogmeat: [snarling]

Any super mutants that get their hands on Dogmeat are highly likely to lose fingers. Still, there's not much the canine can do if he's put in a cage, other than bark and wait for rescue. While FEV leaves many dogs as aggressive shells of their former selves, I think Dogmeat would be largely okay with his new green-and-bulky form and would still happily guard settlements and follow the sole survivor around, not unlike Gracie from Far Harbor.

Hancock: "Whoa, whoa relax. I've got time to hang out for a bit, no need to get all worked up. Don't stain the coat, I doubt you can cough up the caps to get it cleaned."

Of all the companions, Hancock is the most unbothered by becoming a super mutant captive. It's just another wasteland adventure, albeit one where the opposing cast of characters are all at least two feet taller than him. He might earn some bumps and bruises for being unable to keep his smart mouth shut, but he'll just bide his time until he spots an opening to wreak havoc and escape, or until the sole survivor comes along to wiggle him out. Not affected by FEV for obvious reasons.

MacCready: "You know, I'm getting real sick of you green lunatics. Spent almost a decade living next door to some of your cousins, and they knew enough not to mess with me."

Upon capture, MacCready would roll his eyes and accept that he's going to have to wait for some help. He'd get more desperate the longer his wait went on though, envisioning a world where Duncan lost his dad without getting to say goodbye. Mutation wouldn't necessarily dampen his spirits at first: After all, if anyone can find a cure, it's the sole survivor.

Valentine: "Not exactly a group of masterminds, are you?"

At this point, Nick is used to getting abducted and locked up by just about every group in the Commonwealth. He knows super mutants well enough to know they don't listen to reason, but he can't resist getting in a jab or two about how he's far from edible. Not affected by FEV for obvious reasons.

Piper: "So, uh, what's say I write up a column about how super mutants are seriously misunderstood creatures and we'll call it even? No?"

Piper might have similar levels of confidence as Deacon, but hers are much more likely to waver when faced with possible death by ingestion. Her quips would be fewer and more nervous until the sole survivor arrived, at which point she would put her game face back on and cheer her rescuer along. If exposed to FEV, she would beg the sole survivor to help her find a cure for Nat's sake, and eventually weasel the information about Virgil out of them.

Preston: "I didn't need to get up close to know why you're called 'uglies,' but here we are."

While terrified at what the super mutants might do to him, Preston is the most level-headed when captured. He's already great under pressure in battle, and he's used to setting his own fears aside to find solutions for his woes. Most likely to have more people coming to his rescue than the sole survivor alone, due to his role with the Minutemen. If exposed to FEV, Preston would likely accept his fate with dignity, and make the sole survivor promise to dispatch him if he turns violent. I don't think he would, though, and the Minutemen would probably be more accepting of a super mutant officer than most.

X6-88: "I can afford to wait for field assistance, mutant. They will not make the mistakes I did."

X6-88 accepts his predicament calmly, like he accepts everything that happens to him. If unable to free himself, he will patiently wait for the Institute help he knows is coming, even if it's just the sole survivor with a pipe pistol. Regarding FEV mutation, turning into a super mutant might be the straw that breaks the camel's back for X6-88. In the Institute's eyes, the Courser is now hideous and no longer viable in the field: In X6-88's opinion, though, he is even stronger and more dangerous than he was before. I could see him finally choosing to desert his post out of a growing sense of self-preservation once transformed.

BONUS!

Gage: "Well look who's suffering from delusions of adequacy! I'd call you f***ers dumb as rocks, but at least a rock can hold a door open."

Porter Gage is great at heckling, and just good enough that he toes the line right up to where super mutants would start to understand he's insulting them. The sole survivor would likely find a gaggle of them around his confinement space, convinced he's complimenting them when he's actually being very rude. Breaking him out gives him the biggest smile. Becoming mutated himself might actually benefit Gage in the long run, as the raiders he used to be wary of would instead find themselves newly-wary of the Overboss' right-hand man.

Longfellow: "Too bad you aren't one of the more reasonable ones. Might've saved your skin."

Longfellow treats his own capture with a sense of humor, acknowledging that he's not as young as he once was and might need help now and then. Chuckles the whole time the sole survivor is fighting their way to him, and grateful upon release. If turned into a super mutant, he'd shrug, accept his fate, and ask to be escorted to live with his friend Erickson up near Far Harbor.

Maxson: "I welcome the day you and your kind meet total destruction."

If Danse is angry about being captured by his sworn enemies, Maxson is seething. Kidnapping a Brotherhood Elder is something that shouldn't even be possible in his eyes, let alone by super mutants. Once freed, he would do his best to erase the nest from the earth: Fire, missiles, tactical nukes if necessary. Also like Danse, Maxson would order the sole survivor to mercifully dispatch him if he were mutated. Additionally, he'd have them destroy any evidence of his exposure to FEV, and simply turn in his holotags with the news that he had perished in the line of duty.

Desdemona: [livid silence]

Plunks herself down, lights a cigarette if her hands are free, and waits. Eventually, the sole survivor or Glory will turn up, and she'll give them one, lingering look of disappointment before vanishing into the Commonwealth ruins. Least likely to get captured in the first place. If mutated, she would reassume her job as leader of the Railroad with no comment, and everyone else would know better than to ask.

[koko-doodle]

Voltron AU Idea

During my browsing of the interwebs I have found so many great AUs and I was struck with one last night when I’m supposed to be sleeping. My brain works overtime when it needs to be sleeping!!!

Aaanyways, the idea is basically the team is infiltrating and shutting down a transport base. The main leader sets the base’s core (a nuclear reactor type of power source) into a meltdown to prevent Voltron from accessing any information or supplies. The team gets locked out of the system, not even Pidge can hack it so they have not choice but to bolt it out as fast as possible. Just as they were getting out the door the reactor explodes causing nuclear/gamma rays rushing throughout the facility. That mixed with the stored quintescence at the facility hits the team and the next day they have changed with abilities correlating with their lions and personalities.

Shiro

His ability is flight/teleportation just like his lion. His main change would be added wings and some bird like markings to his skin maybe. He would also get extra strength as well. He can fly super fast and when in flight, he can do a couple of short “jumps” but only a few feet, he can’t teleport super far like Cosmo can. Not a ton of drastic changes on Shiro.

Kieth

His ability is fire. He can withstand extreme heat and his body emits extremely high temperatures when he is panicked or stressed. He kind of has a rage/beast mode thanks to his Galra heritage so don’t piss him off. His change is red skin and horns with claws, maybe a tail and wings? Not sure yet. His beast form is more dragon like and his chest glows red with how hot his body temperature is. This boi can swim through lava because of his resistance to heat. He has full control over his beast form, it’s just hard at first to transition between his two forms.

Pidge

Her ability is nature related. Her whole body would go through a drastic change and she would become a plant based creature. She still looks relatively the same just with green skin and leaves or vines for hair. She would drink a lot more water than usual but doesn’t need to eat food since her body uses photosynthesis to create energy. She has a connection to any plant on any planet and can manipulate it to her advantage. Plant powers FTW.

Lance

Lance’s ability is water! He looks fairly normal most of the time besides his ears being pointed and his eyes are bright blue. When wet he gets scales and becomes basically a merman or sea monster. I haven’t decided how his fish form is going to look quite yet, if I want him to be a shark/killer whale look or more sea monster look like the new Pixar movie Luca. He has full blown water bender abilities though, he can’t make water out of nowhere he can just control the water around him. Since Pidge usually has a water bottle around her now though, if Kieth pisses him off enough he’ll splash him in the face. With Kieth’s ability it steams right off but it still makes him mad.

Hunk

His ability is strength. He gets a bit taller and bulkier, his is almost like a half werebeast of some sort. Little bit furry, maybe a small tail, but large arms retractable claws. He is much stronger than Shiro, even with Shiro’s new abilities. Think of Hunk as the fluffy tank of the team. Very powerful but just a big teddy bear. He doesn’t like it at first but once he realizes he can cut food and peel things with his claws, he starts to get really excited.

Xena (my OC)

Because why not. To me the Galra look bat based in a way so I decided she would look like a gargoyle. Larger ears, horns, anthro legs, wings and a longer tail. Her main issue at first would be noise. She has really enhanced hearing now including echolocation in a way, she covered her ears a lot at first before she learned how to focus her hearing. Her main issue, is blood though. She is like a vampire in the case that she needs it to survive. She can last maybe a week without feeding but she doesn’t go into a bloodthirsty rage or anything without it, she just gets very weak. Passes out if she lets it go long enough.

And that was my thought.

I’ll go back to my hidey hole now.