#as an aspec person this resonates so much

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

okay i've finished rewatching pride now i will stop having feelings all over your dash

[alastors-antlers]

Being someone who sees a lot of talk about shipping Alastor (sexually, romantically) in fanworks, I just want to take some time to talk about both sides of the issue. It's long, I know - please, please bear with me until the end, and I hope you'll understand what I mean in a bit.

I hope this helps someone, but as an aroace person who understands the frustration and hurt, this is often how it feels to me:

Alastor, being one of the limited cases of aspec rep that I've seen and one of even fewer which I actually enjoyed, means a lot to me.

That being said, his canon rep establishes that he's aroace but not much about how this factors into his life or relationships at all -- and when there's a gap in canon, I turn to fanfiction, which tends to spotlight characters' queerness even when the source material doesn't or can't. Don't we all want to see ourselves in the media we engage with?

When I pull up AO3, there are already a good number of fics about him. Great! Some of them are definitely incredible; but as I read on, it starts to seem like a lot of fics I see acknowledge that he's asexual or aromantic in some way but don't really factor that into the story. It reads like you could have written the story without keeping his queer identity in mind, and it would've come out the same.

Even when representation that does resonate with me exists, it starts to be exhausting to pick through the slash tags to see which ones are written in an aspec-coded way, so I wonder if it would be easier to not read anything with slash at all. On the other hand, when you filter ships out completely, only a tiny fraction of the fanworks are left.

People often respond that aspec people can have relationships, and I think we tend to know that. They can have sex, some can experience sexual attraction in select situations, they can romance others beyond romantic attraction -- any combination of things. But some aroace people don't want either, and sometimes we're struggling to see ourselves in how Alastor is typically portrayed.

Out of all of the fics, sex-repulsed, totally aromantic Alastor isn't seen much. And when Alastor's limited canon seems to be pretty supportive of a reading where he is those things...

Sometimes, you start to feel lost. If fics were evenly distributed along the aroace spectrum of experiences, wouldn't you expect more fics of him being the "totally uninterested" brand of aroace? But there aren't. People seem to have a preference toward seeing him in relationships. Even if they mean well, it can make you think: what does that say about how we view asexuality/aromanticism as a whole?

Is there something less interesting about Alastor, when romance is taken out of the picture? Do others find him less appealing as a character if they can't see him dating, or in love, or having sex or wanting it? Why do we need romance, when romance is already everywhere else, when it doesn't even feel like he was originally really interested? It brings to mind a struggle to be societally accepted, even today.

Even when it's not technically wrong to write Alastor as you see him, being told that we should all be able to ship him however we want can feel like this:

It brings to mind people who try to swing in with misinformed good intentions, telling us "oh, you're aromantic? but you can still have romantic relationships, right? so you can still be normal." when all we want is to be okay outside of the normal.

Or trying to find a partner who can be with us, out of everyone who tells us "I know you don't enjoy sex, and that's okay, but I can't have a romantic relationship with you without it." and being so tired of hoping for someone who gets it.

Or talking with peers, and hearing them all commiserate and fawn over their experiences with love, then telling them about someone you like non-romantically and getting "aww, it sounds like somebody's got a crush!" but not being believed when you tell them it's not like that at all.

Alastor is not a big deal, not really, not in the grand scheme of things. But in an allonormative world, it can feel like a sudden splash of cold water when we were expecting a warm fire to sit around. Even within this ecosystem, we squint to see ourselves reflected.

Society isn't built for us. It can be exhausting to be reminded of that.

~~~

I hope to support people writing Alastor as any variation of aspec, or not even aspec at all. At the end of the day, I think that fanon is really whatever you want it to be, and everyone has their own reasons for writing what they find enjoyable. They should be allowed to do so, and I want to believe that people do what they do with good intentions.

They want to imagine scenarios with the templates of characters they love, and that's okay; even beyond sexuality/queer identities/etc., fan interpretations of characters can be incredibly, wildly different from who they really are in the story anyway, and that's what I try to remind myself. But still, I also can't help feeling disappointed about the aroace representation we could have seen.

(Is Alastor canonically sex-repulsed? Uhh, maybe. If I had to guess, that'd be my top guess, but this might be a hot take: I wouldn't really say there's enough to go off of considering that this view is supported by Angel propositioning him both times, and it's not like Alastor is a particularly big fan of Angel at those points anyway lol)

To my fellow aroaces struggling with Alastor's fandom rep: if you need a break from it all; if you need to block the tags that you hate; if you need to talk to someone about how you're feeling; that's okay. It makes sense that you'd want more representation in a way that helps you feel seen and validated and less alone. I can't speak for everyone, but I think I get it.

I don't have any solutions for how you're feeling, because sometimes I'm feeling the same way. I understand that you want others to get your position and you have the right to express your feelings, but even if you're correct, often being angry or frustrated won't help change others' minds, so let's try to save our energy and take care of ourselves.

Something that helps me to think about is that even now, asexuality is gaining more visibility. We're gaining support. Real change is happening in the world that's helping incredible amounts of aspec people feel freer to be themselves. And maybe one day, we won't be reaching to protect our scraps of representation.

Let's fight until that day together <3

[leashybebes]

fuck it friday

tagged by @bidisasterevankinard more from my qpr buddie fic featuring aspec eddie and bucktommy, which is inching ever closer to being done. i think this is my favourite part

"So, when I was…learning and unlearning, doing a lot of reading, I came across this term." Eddie takes a breath, takes a beat. As soon as he saw the word it pinged something in him, spoke to him in a way it'd unknowingly taken him years to be ready to hear. Buck has been amazing today, but there's no guarantee this will resonate with him the way it has with Eddie. So he takes a moment, wishes Buck was looking at him maybe thirty percent less attentively.

"It's, uh - " he has to pause again to wet his lips. "Queer-platonic."

"Okay." Buck sounds curious.

"Oh, you didn't get that far in your research deep dive?"

"Wait, you get to make jokes?"

Eddie laughs, because it's going to be okay. It really is. "You can make jokes if you want, too."

Buck angles himself more fully towards Eddie, leaning forward in a way that can't be comfortable in the chair, but puts him more unavoidably in Eddie's eyeline. "I don't wanna make jokes. Eddie. Tell me."

"Okay," Eddie says. "I mean, there's not one definition or anything. But it's like - a friendship that goes beyond what most people think is normal for a friendship. Like it's deep and - and committed, you know? I don't know, this stuff is complicated, man."

"Tell me about it," Buck commiserates.

"But I think the idea I ended up liking best was queering the definition of friendship. Like it's not romantic, or sexual - or I guess it, I don't know, it's complicated. It doesn't have to be romantic or sexual, but it's still something so much more than a regular friendship. Like that's your person, you know? So some people outside the relationship might think it's romantic?"

"I'm not sure Ravi doesn't still think we're divorced, you know," Buck says with a grin.

"Right. Like that. So they're like - they're the person you want to tell the good and the bad things to. You might run your major life decisions past them. Some people live together, but - take that look off your face, I do not want to live with you."

"I'm a delight," Buck says, and Eddie rolls his eyes.

"You're a nightmare. So. So, yeah, I guess the way I think about it is that it's the person your life is most intertwined with. Some people - they might have, like, a legal backing. They might - they might raise a kid together." It's been true for so long, but he's never felt safe to say it before, and he doesn't know why, because Buck's face goes soft and adoring - his Christopher face. 

"They might be each other's medical proxy, maybe?" Buck suggests. 

Eddie has to laugh. "Maybe, yeah."

"Maybe like." Buck swallows, his eyes starting to look a little watery. "Maybe the first person they believed was gonna stay forever."

"Buck." It's Eddie's turn to swallow - more like gulp as he says, "Yeah. You and me? That's exactly the way I wanna be loved. That's what I wanted to say, really, when you get right down to it. That you showed me how I want to be loved." Eddie's wobbling by the end of that, his eyes itching but Buck is a wreck, tears absolutely streaming down his face.

"Aw, Buck. I'm sorry."

"Don't - don't be sorry," Buck says, grabbing a handful of tissues from the table between them. "Eddie, I love you so much. I'm so happy you told me."

Eddie feels faint with relief. "You are?"

"Yes."

no pressure tags for @powersuitup, @geddyqueer, @agentpeggycartering and @buckevantommy

[unnecessarilygrandiose]

this is something important about heartstopper that i think needs to be said, to aspec people specifically:

please be kind to isaac and the aroace representation we'll get come thursday.

aroace rep is something we get very rarely, especially on the screen. i can think of exactly two shows with aroace characters, and one of them is heartstopper. so it's not unfair of us to hope that we each get to see our experience represented in isaac.

but like. that's simply not going to happen.

isaac is one character. he can only represent one kind of experience about what being aroace entails. and every single aspec person has had a different experience with realising their identity and coming to terms with it. everyone has a different relationship with the complexities of their sexuality and labels.

and y'know, it could be disappointing to expect something from a character you thought was representing you and see them be something very different. hell, i can bet anything that at least a few aspec people will be completely disillusioned with whatever we'll get.

but 'i didn't like this' doesn't automatically mean 'it was bad'. maybe it means that 'this didn't represent me, which was sad, but it did represent some people, and it was a cornerstone in aroace representation in mainstream media as a whole, which is good.'

(i mean, i'm not saying there's a zero chance it'll be objectively bad and harmful rep, but the chance of that is extremely low, since alice is aroace themself. also, loveless is an amazing book)

i feel compelled to say this because we know that it's going to be a while before isaac is comfortable with his identity, which can be upsetting to watch because the 'you can't be happy without romance and whole without sex' is pushed pretty hard onto us on a regular basis, and there's this sort of defensiveness where we kind of want any fictional aroace characters to be immediately accepting of themself because no, we're actually very happy and completely whole without those things, thank you very much. this was the main criticism of loveless by many aspec people— that it didn't represent them because georgia struggled so much with her identity.

but. just because you personally didn't have to face that (and good for you!) doesn't mean it's not a very real experience many aroace people go through every day.

just because our first mainstream media rep of being aroace isn't an easy, feel good story, doesn't mean it's not important.

be as disappointed with isaac as you want if he doesn't represent you—but please still be kind to him. if we're too harsh in our criticism, the creators who worked on this story might feel discouraged from creating more aroace characters and stories.

more aspec rep, especially aro and aroace rep, is important! more rep means more variety! it means a greater chance of all of us finding stories we love and resonate to! but if we don't get everything we want the first time, please let's not call it bad and demotivate the very people who can give us more.

[sky-scribbles]

So... I have a lot of thoughts about why Gale's weave sex scene really, really worked for me as an aspec person. In fact, this is the first time any sex scene in anything, ever, has resonated with me. Or felt like it welcomed me in.

It's not that I'm made uncomfortable by other video game sex scenes at all - they're just generally not really my thing! My reactions tend to range from 'that was a sweet scene' to 'eh, indifferent' to 'I feel mildly awkward but it's no big deal'. They usually don't make me feel anything. But this is the first time I've felt that I could play a sex scene as a character who I headcanon and play as being aspec, and have it fit them. (I am not claiming this, of course, for all aspec people or characters; this is just my personal experience. And I am definitely not suggesting that there is anything 'purer' or 'better' about this kind of scene; I am only saying that it worked for me, personally.)

Because I'm here, playing a demisexual character for whom primary sexual attraction just does not happen, for whom any desire for intimacy must be built upon, can only arise from, a blood-deep knowledge of a person, upon emotional connection and trust. And I got to play her through a romance where Gale tells her he loves her before he so much as kisses her; who responds to her declaration of love by showing her his home in a way that says this is who I am, this is where my heart lies. Who offers her a form of intimacy that doesn't centre or even involve the body at all, a form of sex that's almost a metaphor for what they feel, an expression of a desire to be not alone, together.

It's sex that's Gale saying, let me bring the stars to where you are. Be with me in this place that I love, see me here among the magic that makes me feel alive, and know me. Let me hold you closer than a body alone could.

It's just that... de-centring, I suppose, of primary sexual attraction? Again: there is nothing wrong with scenes that centre that! But they will never quite be a thing I can relate to, or that will fully fit the characters I usually create. But this - I actually cried when this scene ended. I felt seen. I didn't feel 'this wasn't really designed for me' like I normally do. It worked for the character I was playing; it worked for me; it didn't push me away.

It's honestly beautiful to see a non-normative sex scene treated with such care. It's about time.

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #4680:

Outrage over shipping (or lewding) canonically aromantic and / or asexual characters.

I definitely understand the frustration of people just refusing to recognize or acknowledge their identity, since there's so few of them already. But i also see a lot of inflexibility in NOW aro / ace people are viewed or expected to behave. (Mostly either naiive and childishly innocent, awkward quirky teens, or cold robotic and unfeeling). And being aroace myself I rarely see any that actually resonate or feel compelling. Not to say those can't exist ever or that aspec people who ARE happy with them are "wrong" in any way, but I wish the perception what or how an aro / ace person can be wasn't so limited (and honestly---boring).

More of my characters than not are SOME flavor of aspec and all of them have very, very different ways of experiencing it. (And it's not all just "for the representation!!" they just feel natural to the characters and a lot of them are experiences I personally relate to) This includes:

a clout-obsessed social climber who uses relationships as a way of getting what she wants and to boost her ego, and nothing more

someone who's obsessed with the IDEA of romance and really really WANTS to fall in love with someone but it just never happens

someone completely repulsed with sex and romance althogether

an asexual person who wants to try it just to know what it's like but that's all

a sex worker for whom sex is quite literally just "showing up to work" for her, not awful or traumatic or anything, mostly just kinda boring

an aroace person who is so codependant with someone (who's allo) that they basically just form a relationship (along with all the things that usually go with it that the ace person doesn't mind going along with for their sake) I guess what people may call a QPR but that's not a term I personally like to use or find any use for it's okay for others though

someone who's still figuring themself out who hasn't really landed on any specific labels but also isn't really stressing on it that much

someone who takes longer to realize they're aro because for so long what they assumed were romantic feelings was really just feeling flattered, so thought they were "in love with" anyone who was nice to them

aliens whose anatomy includes no sex organs

And sometimes, characters are hot. And characters that are hot get shipped with other hot characters, often with no rhyme or reason other than "hot". Regardless of their canon sexualities. It kinda just comes with the territory of fandom.

(And again I'm really really tired of people using us a a shield to hide their ship hate and sex negativity. Seriously, don't.)

[beanghostprincess]

well since you asked so nicely, what are all your straw hats sexuality (and gender identity?) headcanons :D

ps you dont have to explain them all if it's too much for you ^^

I love you so much for this mwah mwah /p I love when people send me asks like this <33

: ̗̀➛ [Luffy] Sexuality: Aspec. I'm very, very specific with this so I would have to write a whole paragraph to explain it well, but I'll try to do it in fewer words. I used to headcanon Luffy as asexual but the demi-sexual headcanon is growing on me. Only sexual with Zoro, though. Like- I ship Luffy with more people but imo he only feels sexually attracted to Zoro. Something something 'the bond between a captain and his first mate'. Romantic attraction: I can see him being demi-romantic (once again only romantic with Zoro. Or Sanji, even) but I personally see their relationship very Aroaspec QPR. Aromantic and Demi-sexual with a very deep bond with his first mate and his cook. Gender: Transmasc. Demi-boy. He/They. I think he, like, resonates more with being a boy but still doesn't fit the binary enough to be one. And transmasc because. Well. Have you seen him?

: ̗̀➛ [Zoro] Sexuality: Homosexual. Gay. The gayest man you've ever seen. I think he's demi-sexual too in the sense that only Luffy or Sanji would make him go insane and aroused, but he would sleep with other men just because. Like fr, just because he can. Idk. Homosexual behavior everywhere. He's so fucking gay. If there was a gay contest between OP characters he would probably win or end up in a tie with Nami, Law, and Kid. Romantic attraction: Demi-romantic. This dude is obsessed with his captain only. First mate things. I seriously believe that being a first mate makes you inherently unable to fall in love with somebody else. Well, perhaps Sanji too, but I'm not that much of a Zosan so I don't think about how they would work. And still, he'd be Demiro anyway. Gender: Transmasc guy because, once again, have you seen him? Dude even has a scar on his chest. Man tits. Love him. He/Him.

: ̗̀➛ [Nami] Sexuality: Graysexual Lesbian. Some might argue with me on this because she has a different girlfriend every arc, but I honestly think that she only feels genuine sexual attraction sometimes and it's not often. Playfully flirting doesn't equal genuine sexual attraction. Romantic attraction: Grayromantic Lesbian. Because, once again, people might not agree with me, but I think she doesn't have crushes often and she falls into more of a romantic gray area. Never with men, though. God forbid. Never with men. That much is clear, I hope. Gender: Demi-girl. She/They. My babygirl. My girlboss. Like I said with Luffy, I think she embraces being a girl but still doesn't fall into that term exactly and doesn't mind They/Them or more androgynous looks/terms at all. In fact, she loves them.

: ̗̀➛ [Usopp] Sexuality: Bisexual. I love him. He be pulling blonde bitches everywhere and by blonde bitches I mean Kaya and Sanji. Something that always makes me and my BFF laugh is the fact that he's canonically very normal about women's bodies, unlike Brook or Sanji or even Franky. Like, he's pretty decent and respectful and he's, well, a normal human being. I appreciate the bare minimum when half of the characters are perverts sometimes. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. Pretty much the same thing I just said. Simple guy. So true, king. Although I like the Demi-romantic headcanon and I think he doesn't really get love at first sight and would be bothered by Sanji's view on this. I think Usopp is somebody who needs intimacy to develop a romantic crush on someone. So, yeah, I also like the demi-romantic thing but this could be just me trying to make everyone Arospec for no reason other than projecting. Gender: Non-binary. He/They but prefers They/Them, he just doesn't expect people to use those pronouns, and it isn't that big of a deal. Also transmasc. I'm obsessed with that, honestly. However, I think he wouldn't use the term Non-binary? I think he'd just use Unlabeled, perhaps.

: ̗̀➛ [Sanji] Sexuality: Bisexual with a high preference for girls. For obvious reasons. Romantic attraction: Birromantic too. He's a hopeless romantic. Believes in love at first sight and everything. Gender: Transfem. Genderfluid. Any pronouns. I love you, Sanji. You're real to me. And I'm not explaining my reasons for these headcanons because watching the show is enough for you to understand this, but between his trauma and Momoiro Island... Like... I know what you are, girly pop. The closet is glass and the egg is hatching and you need to come out. Oda, please, let her ou-

: ̗̀➛ [Chopper] This one's just, like, Chopper. Chopper is Chopper. I don't think about this much. He canonically likes female reindeer. I have nothing else to say. Gender? Little guy. Sexuality? Honestly, if somebody gives him a reindeer boyfriend I support that. So bisexual and birromantic, I guess. I don't know how it works for him. I don't think he cares. It's not that he's too young because he's canonically a teenager already, I just don't think they've encountered enough reindeer for me to form an opinion on this. Why the hell am I writing so much to say something so fucking stupid. I'm sorry. Let's move on.

: ̗̀➛ [Vivi] Sexuality: Demi-sexual Lesbian. I don't think she's ever thought about sex as something she wants or feels attracted to. At least not until Nami shows up. Romantic attraction: Lesbiab. Lebanese. Dyke. Bollera in Spanish. Girl kisser. Woman liker. Homosexual. No men allowed between her legs and her heart. Friend of Ellen, as Annie Edison would say. Gender: I think she's a cis girl. She/Her. Would literally punch violently anyone who misgendered somebody from the crew. My princess. My girlfriend, actually. Her pronouns are loveof/mylife.

: ̗̀➛ [Robin] Sexuality: Bisexual but also probably Graysexual because I don't think she feels attraction often and doesn't really get aroused if it doesn't come with other emotions. Preference for big, and gentle men. By big, gentle men I mean Franky and Jinbe. And by gentle I mean Brook. The four of them together, btw. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. I think she's just, like, vibing. Learning to love. She has so much trauma she deserves to be in a tender relationship and she just happens to be with four men but she knows how to appreciate a woman. Gender: Transfem. She/Her. You know those older trans women who give the most comforting, calm, mature energy in the world? That's Nico Robin. Gonna keep it SFW but she tops Franky 100%. And also helped Sanji with her transition. I love this. Please adopt me, Robin. She's perfect.

: ̗̀➛ [Franky] Sexuality: Bisexual. If a man doesn't know how to appreciate another man's beauty, then he isn't manly enough. Women are perfect. Men are perfect. He's wonderful. I love him. Romantic attraction: Birromantic. I swear to fucking god he has something going on with Jinbe and Brook and Robin. I am so not normal about them- Gender: Cis man but he'd probably consider being a cyborg a third, secret gender, so I'm gonna let him have that too. He/Him.

: ̗̀➛ [Brook] Sexuality: Bisexual classy grandpa. The fact that he's a gentle grandpa has a lot to do with his sexuality (no it doesn't). He might be a pervert around women but at least he supports consent, so, he's better than Sanji here. Romantic attraction: Grayromantic because I feel he doesn't get real crushes easily. Especially since his boyfriend (his former captain) died. The trauma he probably has around romance now, damn. Gender: Hear me out he's the most Unlabeled thing ever. He/They. He's just bones and most people don't even know how to tell the difference between sexes when it comes to bones. Robin is actually the only one who knows his AGAB and she doesn't care anyway, so. Gender norms are bullshit and he's just the Soul King.

: ̗̀➛ [Jinbe] Sexuality: Graysexual and Bi. He's somewhere there in the Ace spectrum. I just don't know where. I think he's, like, not that interested in bodies and sex? He would only have sex with somebody he loves and it wouldn't even be for the arousal and the attraction. Romantic attraction: Demi-romantic, which is not the same as gray. Because I think he'd need, like, to spend time with Robin/Franky/Brook to form a deep bond and then he'd slowly and gently start falling for them individually. I swear I am so normal. Please, they should adopt me. I want the four of them to be my parents. Gender: Cis man. He/Him. Biggest trans supporter in the whole fucking world.

The Going Merry is actually called the Going Liberal and the Thousand Sunny is technically the Theysand Sunny and with the help of their ships the straw hats are trying to find the Woke Piece.

[nymphomena]

Why I think Qian is demisexual and demiromantic

(from an aroace person)

Disclaimer: none of what I claim are confirmed just headcanon

⚠️Spoilers Ahead⚠️

So this confused lil bby girl is (according to me) asexual. But not only that but also demisexual and maybe aromantic as well.

And I have proof to back this theory up.

So starting off, our dear Qian doesn't seem to be interested in relationships at all. I feel like this is common sense for every viewer. It's simply one of his characteristics.

Whether it's because of his rough upbringing, multiple traumatic experiences he's had, both mental and physical or not, he doesn't seem to actively want to search for partners and/or a relationship. It doesn't matter anyway. That's just how he is.

Exhibit A

The only time that changes is when San Pang urges him to seek a partner with the intention of marriage for conveniences sake. He doesn't want to do it for himself. He does it for his sister and Zhiyuan's 'sake'.

But ofc he makes excuses for himself (which spoiler alert: is a common experience aspecs have)

But he agrees to the match making process but during it he feels such aversion (which is linked to trauma) and it's so severe that he physically and literally feels sick to his stomach.

Exhibit B

The other time I felt a particular kinship to Qian was when Zhiyuan came out to him. Qian seems extremely confused by Zhiyuan's serious tone and intense feeling he seems to be harbouring. While there is an obvious homophobic sentiment mixed in his words as well, his overall confusion resonated with me.

Bless his soul he doesn't understand alloromantic people 😭

Exhibit C

Same scene as the previous one. Zhiyuan tries to literally and figuratively fish for information on Qian's relationship status and/or history.

Of course Qian doesn't take the hint and responds in the most acearo way possible.

Zhiyuan tries again (bless his soul too) but gets an even more acearo response in return. For anyone who might not be familiar with the aspec community this response is one way most of us fend off invasive questions like those. We shrug off curiosities by claiming life is too busy to fall in love. (Again this is not the case for everyone but it can be pretty common as an experience)

No Qian, a movie star doesn't count you silly bean 😭

Exhibit D (and most concrete in my opinion)

Confession 2.0

This is a pivotal moment for our protagonists. Zhiyuan wants confirmation of the status of their relationship but Qian hesitates for a number of reasons, namely, their brother status but also his romantic orientation.

In this is a scene many felt confused or frustrated by Qian's delayed actions. But to me it made perfect sense. He's literally spelling it out for us. He can't see himself being in a romantic relationship much less with Yuan. So he makes a choice and it's the right one for him in the end.

Exhibit E

For this example we have Zhiyuan stating the obvious for everyone 😅

My dude wanted a big fancy restaurant, flowers and a kiss at the end of their date. Qian on the other hand doesn't seem to realize or prepare for that. Instead he makes due with what he had on hand which creates a hilarious outcome 🤣

[thethiefandtheairbender]

just a disclaimer: i’m queer and nonbinary (afab) as can be, so all of this is from a personally queer perspective? i also know that i don’t tend to really jive with ND stevenson’s work (she-ra didn’t quite work for me) either and if you loved the movie, great. i just gotta drop thoughts somewhere because well

they’re less than positive

like “nimona” wants to be a Queer movie so badly, but the entire humourous basis of the character herself is that she is 1) young looking (despite being immortal) and 2) appears to be AFAB and isn’t it funnily jarring when little girls want to be violent instead of cute and sweet? 

She doesn’t want to be a monster, but clearly genuinely enjoys destroying things (again: basis of the bulk of her character humour, and one of most defining character traits) with no regards to anyone who gets hurt or could get hurt in the process. 

also this is Entirely Personal preference but while the animation was stunning, the contrast in the medieval aesthetic and modern day technology just continually brought me out of the movie. which is too bad, because treasure planet and it’s 70/30 rule and aesthetic blend of old timey and big technology is one of my favourite things ever, but i think Nimona being 50/50 just... didn’t work for me. was also slightly disappointed that i figured out who the actual bad guy was before the queen’s death (and yet another movie with a black queen who Dies Instantly / a movie with literally queer men of colour being technical side characters to a white, allegorically queer main ‘female’ character). 

Ballister is a great protagonist, but due to his opposition of everything Nimona is personality and scheme wise, it feels like they’re almost running around in two separate stories. As well as like - he wanted to enjoy the Elite, Privileged, fighting force? An elite, privileged, entirely based on birthright system ruled by a Black queen before it was called into question, when it’s also a pretty clear allegory for the Police? The fact that this isn’t resolved - what’s going to happen to the Institute, is it going to be reformed or even better yet, disbanded (‘defunded’), is entirely left hanging as a plot thread, which doesn’t happen matters.

Halfway through the movie (specifically Nimona’s “or that sometimes I want to let them [kill me]”) is when I finally started to feel emotionally invested, but like two scenes later when Ambrosius’ stabbing was over dramatic rather than just letting the tone hold, I looked into the camera just... so incredibly unimpressed. The monopoly and shark dancing didn’t help.  

“She’s my friend.” “Aren’t I more than that?” so there were no aspec people in making this film. Got it. And Ballister’s heel face turn into calling Nimona a monster is also very quick, especially when his whole arc this movie is being unfairly demonized himself by the very same thing/people that are demonizing Nimona as well. The sheer harshness and length of the scene is also much longer and given time than him saving her, leaving that feeling kinda lopsided as well.

And Nimona’s issues I think are very evident in the fact the movie lets us see all the damage she’s causing at the end when she loses control, which is sad and tragic for her... but does not excuse or remove the real harm she’s bringing hundreds of other people. This is mitigated when she sacrifices herself to save the city, but given that her problem wasn’t necessarily selfishness so much as recklessness, and given that Ballister had literally just talked her down from suicide, it’s... Muddled to say the least.

And all of this ties back into the murky gender allegory of the movie. At its best, it’s very effective and very emotionally resonant (Nimona’s actual flashbacks and a couple of her conversations with Ballister. I can definitely see why people like it - hell, even I like it. “This monster is a threat to our entire way of life!” “What if we’re wrong?” kinda perfectly encapsulates were it falls flat to me, because queerness Is a threat to our current systems - capitalism, racism, cisheteropatriarchy founded on white gender essentialism. Queerness, particularly of gender, disrupts and should disrupt all those things; it’s a political identity just as much as personal one, both by choice and by societal circumstance.

TLDR; found the second half of the movie, overall, much stronger than the first, but with some bigger structural pitfalls. Animation was gorgeous, sense of humour didn’t overall work for me but that’s a personal thing, queer allegory was good but I would’ve liked some of the implications to be taken farther. I appreciate the movie for what it says about freedom of expression vs demonization by the upper class(es), and I think it’ll really resonant and be important to queer youth in their teens (a stage I am long past) figuring themselves and their place in an increasingly anti-trans political climate out, so I’m very glad it exists. It just wasn’t particularly groundbreaking, and wasn’t particularly up my alley. Which is kind of what I expected, but I am disappointed that I didn’t enjoy it more as a nonbinary person who loves story deconstructions, fantasy, and animation

[too-much-sunshine]

Finished the most recent chapter, and as an aroacespec person myself, I was so comforted by the slow and natural progression you've given Scar and Grians relationship in this. I'm inclined to physical affection myself, and that's something frequently excluded in pairings that people write as aroace/qpr adjacent. A lot of times they're always considered strictly romantic, but the way you've written this feels so right in the sense of Queerplatonic, as you mentioned you intended originally in the notes. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Reading how they hold each other and comfort one another (wont go into detail, as to not spoil ch26 for anyone reading this) just clicks in a way that's Their Connection, and it doesn't feel like it's trying to or needs to be anything else. It's so content, and it makes me feel so warm to see that in a fic with two characters I resonate with a lot.

Not to mention the plot- omg, I've been fawning over it all week! My favorite moment I think is definitely the kitchen scene with Iskall and Scars little standoff- the visual was so sassy and queer from Scars end, it just made me cackle to no end I absolutely loved the attitude. But really, I try not to theorize too much when reading stories that way every turn feels like a huge shock, and this fic keeps my attention so well I didn't even have the chance to, I was far too busy enjoying every little flair of dialogue and fluid change of scenario. I literally gasped and yelled "OH /SHIT/" aloud multiple times, I'm not embarassed to say it. There are so many details you kept so quaint and innocent at the beginning, I never even questioned them until their importance later on!

This story has been absolutely, insanely, phenomenally fun to read, and I can't wait to see where you take things next. I've been planning my own fic for ages, and reading something like this has really inspired me to pick up my pages and keep going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you have a lot of fun working on the rest of the story! I know I'm dying to read the next chapter whenever you feel it's right to show, and others will be too :).

Much love!

- minecraft-cake

OH MY GODS IM GONNA CRYYYY (/pos) TOO LATE I AM CRYINGGGG TTTTTTT AAAaaaa this means so much to me TTTT ASDFGHJK

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again: I started writing WOftL because I wanted to read something like it, but it hadnt been written. Not only in the superhero space (even tho I am a bit a whore for superhero fics UuU) but also just aspec wise. Im arospec/ace, and I just felt it wasnt being represented in a way the resonated with me!! So I wrote it myself <3

Im so glad that it resonates with others as well! I really hope that deciding to change the relationship romantic doesnt takes away from that! I feel like, personally, it doesnt change their background and their connection for each other. I certainly dont plan to have them act much differently then they do now lmaooo

Ommffggg you are so nicceee TTTTTT If Im forced to say one thing I'm proud of for this fic, i'd say the foreshadowing turned out much better then I expected lmaooo This is my first looongg fic, so I really happy with that turned out!! I have so much I can say about specific scenes and how they came to be in my brain!!! But for specifically Iskall and Scar, I loved how their little plot came out! Those two have History UuU

Thank you so much for reading and the kind wordsss!! This seriously made my whole week and its only monday!! Im so happy to have inspired you, and if your willing to share I would love to read your fic when you write it! I hoep you have a phenonial day, week, month, year and life bestie <3<3<3<3

[heartslobbf]

i watched heartstopper s2 because i was an avid osemanverse enjoyer in my early teen years (back when alice oseman still had anons on rip) and owe some of my aspec self-discovery to their writing. i knew they had written an aroace storyline into this series and wanted to see it because whilst i knew as an aroallo lesbian i wouldn’t totally resonate and might be a bit cheesed off by aspects of it, i enjoy aromantic crumbs, and i enjoy discussing aspec Stuff even more. it was……. an interesting experience? has certainly given me a lot to think about. gushy rant below the cut :)

i will say, i think that the amatonormativity is still strong, and rigid in this show. it’s like, isaac is the exception to the rule and his true love is books, and he gets to yell at his friends for all being so damn couple-y and romance-obsessed but there’s no resolution to that. is that realistic? yeah, sure, allo friends can fucking suck, but heartstopper is the kind of show aiming to do certain things for queer kids where id expect a dialogue about this. you know, charlie & co coming to understand aspec identities and becoming more conscious of how amatonormativity affects them, interrogating it in such a way that these queer couples can also be liberated from its trappings. juicy shit like that. didnt happen tho. isaac gets a book about asexuality (no mention of aromanticism on its cover!!! the word is used by the artist who vaguely explains both terms to isaac, but there is a much greater focus on asexuality, so much so that this morning i saw pink fucking news celebrating isaac’s asexual storyline without a mention of his aromanticism) and that’s it.

a lot of that criticism is arguably coloured by my experience as an aroallo person, because i just want aromanticism to be engaged with as aromanticism. you know aroaces we are besties in arms solidarity and all that, and im so fucking happy you got some great asexual rep that frequently used the word asexual, as well as your flag and iconography. like fuck yeah!!!!!! let’s go!!!!!! however, aromanticism is not a subset of asexuality, is not an ‘extreme form’ of asexuality, does not necessarily have anything to do with asexuality. im sure the aspec folks know this, but allo fuckers dont and that means that this canonically aromantic character who was emotionally affecting to me is one that im gonna be barred from resonating with again and again.

you know, moments of isaac’s story were so profound and moving for me. i cried at the kiss scene in episode 5, it was probably the single most relatable moment of tv (related to my experiences with sexuality) that ive ever seen. its certainly not my favourite tv moment of all time lol, relatability ≠ quality, but when youre part of a marginalised group and experience a lot of loneliness and alienation surrounding your identity it is great to see it reflected. i honestly loved that shit!!!!! ive been there!!!! that’s me!!!!!! the wanting and the not wanting!!! the jealousy and confusion and alienation, the longing to be able to feel what you can’t just so you don’t have to be so lonely, the knowledge that you’re just not that person…… oh it was great. it was fucking great. so you can maybe appreciate how upsetting it is for other people to neglect the aromantic facets of this canonically aromantic character, when we dont get shit.

having said that, asexuals also dont get shit; my issue is absolutely not with isaac being aroace, but rather with how mainstream understanding of aspec identities is still so piss poor that people neglect the aromantic aspect of that identity. i found isaac to be a relatable character and i enjoyed and appreciated that about him; i wish more people would talk about him being both asexual and aromantic, because aromanticism does not get talked about enough as anything other than an ‘extension’ of asexuality, an idea which only diminishes the complexity and vastness of both (fucking awesome and beautiful) identities. love and light and solidarity forever with all other aspec folk <3

[northlight14]

I'm sorry, this probably doesn't have much to do with your blog or content but I felt the need to ask so I can learn more and research later

What is the flag in your banner?

Hey no problem, thanks for asking :)

It’s the voidpunk flag. Voidpunk is basically a subculture created by a user here on tumblr that’s essentially focused on groups who are dehumanised in society, mainly aspec, trans/non-binary and neurodivergent/disabled people but I know that there are people who are BIPOC who resonate with it too. The idea behind it is basically to reclaim our dehumanisation and embrace what is considered “not human”. Essentially saying to our oppressors “maybe I’m not human. What of it?” And forcing them into a situation where they have to either agree with us or argue why we are human, making it a win-win scenario. I get why some people don’t like the idea and want to encourage others to see us as human beings. I do agree with that sentiment to an extent too. But as a non-binary, aro/ace and neurodivergent person, I find the whole idea of voidpunk to be super empowering

Hope that makes sense. Feel free to ask more stuff because I don’t mind talking about it :)

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

Re: aspec headcannons

I strongly believe that two of my favorite blorbos are aspec (specifically arospec):

The first is Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (minor spoiler warning for this paragraph). Most Zelda games' iterations of Link can easily be read as aspec-coded in some way, but Twilight Princess's emphasis on Link's relationships made his lack of romance really stand out and resonate with me as an aromantic. Over the course of the game, we see countless instances of him caring deeply about the people around him, friends and strangers alike. This is so prominent that it's honestly a defining trait of his; he even stands out from his other iterations in just how much he's a Guy Who Cares. Yet for all his personal and emotional investment in people, there is a striking lack of romance in his relationships, much to my delight. Instead, his relationships are founded on his caring nature. The best example of this is his friendship with Midna. Introduced near the beginning of the game and serving as Link's companion until the very end, Midna initially establishes a very transactional relationship with Link; a sort of "I help you, you help me" dynamic. At that point, she is closed off to Link and confides very little in him, while Link probably isn't thrilled with her demeaning treatment of him or how much she asks of him, but puts up with it anyway out of the goodness of his heart. They're reluctant allies. However, they gradually come to respect each other as Link's kindness and courage inspire Midna, and Midna's disparaging behavior slowly gives way to benign, endearing snark. Before long, when Midna is brought within an inch of her life, and Link carries her off in search of help (because of course he would), he does so with desperation, dashing frantically on foot across Hyrule's vast fields in the dead of night, worried for the acquaintance he had only just begun to appreciate, having seen her grow over the course of their adventure. That experience—Link fearing losing Midna, and Midna having her life saved by Link—brings them closer than ever. After Midna recovers, the two are best friends. She eventually opens up to Link about her identity, past, and insecurities, and Link is understanding of her plight and committed to stay by her side through everything. At the end of the game, Midna's plotline is resolved, and she prepares to return to her realm. Never to see each other again, she and Link share a heartfelt goodbye. Common tropes would have them be lovers by this point, and lament being torn away from their soulmate. Instead, Nintendo gave us something that's a precious rarity in media: a bittersweet ending for a pair of dear friends.

The other is Big Boss from the Metal Gear series. I haven't finished every game he makes an appearance in yet, but as far as I can tell, he never has any explicitly romantic relationships. However, he does have a wide range of other kinds of relationships. Plenty are sexual, plenty are platonic, and plenty are... something else. Furthermore, there are certain details throughout the series that, from my perspective, give him strong aro vibes. For example, in Metal Gear Solid 3, he is asked about the nature of his relationship with another character, in terms of an amatonormative false dichotomy. His response is "Does it have to be one or the other?" In Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, there's a sexual dynamic between him and another character, which I would describe as "brothers-in-arms with benefits." In Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, Big Boss's relationships are pretty much all based on his desperation to hold on to the people he still hasn't lost yet. His relationships don't take on very clear forms; he's just trying to cherish the ones that are left while he still can, in whatever way he can. So yeah, I think Big Boss is aroallo, and that's pretty cool.

^^^^

[pwnyta]

different anon, but i understand the recent one pretty much on a daily basis. i dont gush my personal favorite ship publicly on the reasons; theyre a straight ship, and i interpret them kinda differently than the rest that im sure the first point wont be received too well and ive gotten plenty of "BUT (queer) SHIP IS BETTER" (and one of them involves the character in my ship so basically; the 'gay replacement') in my public posts. by plenty, i mean a lot on the general-oriented posts, and even then i dont express it often. its also queer in a way i see them as aspec that i can resonate as an aspec myself, which adds that frustration aro/ace is shoved aside like f/f ships etc whats discussed by other anons. could be my bias (and imo you're right on this, for everyone's perspective they can see their preference lacking bc theyre not at the right places), could be im focusing too hard but i wouldnt dare say my ship is best either and i personally dont dig its community's take on it lol they do theirs i do mine yknow! so i have my own safe space to scream safe small number of ppl who knows what i mean. all in all, ship wars suck in gnsn, and also for any other media if you end up the wrong side of it. but thats not a given choice either considering twitter's nature as a platform and crap algo 🤷

Yeah thats lame sorry Nonny. Even in my long time of being a fandom salt enjoyer and looking for it... I NEVER see any sort of aspec stuff (except that one time in the SU fandom & that was some shitty Pearl/Garnet stan getting mad at me for shipping Pearl with a man so I pointed out Garnet being ace/aro & not interested in a relationship... it was a whole ordeal.) ANYWAY... RIP Nonny.

I say you should absolutely over inflate the greatness of your ship!

But yeah Genshin is a special level of weird with ships (probably just a product of being a fandom in this ever hostile fandom time)... but w/e...

[vacantgodling]

For the pride asks!

1. Which labels do you use?

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

15. How has your identity changed over time?

<3 MJ

MJ!!! happy pride 💛💛 i’ll do this for me & ur favorite vampire boys (so darren, gabe, n & beau :>)

1. Which labels do you use?

i personally use queer (my sexuality is mad complicated and i can’t really find a term that i like. if i were to pick something close i’d say achillean or mlnb/mlm really resonates with me & i love that damn toothpaste flag in part out of spite) & transmasc (i consider myself a trans man for the most part but my relationship with being a Man is complicated by being nd/black etc so transmasc in itself feels right but i also like genderqueer — queer is my favorite tbh)

for darren he’s bi!

gabe is demiromantic demisexual & he’s gay. he kinda learns that he’s these things throughout the story bc he’s like deadass never been attracted to anyone until he and darren start getting close and he doesn’t really know what to do with himself lmao

n is a transman & tbh he hasn’t thought about his sexuality too much cuz he’s married to his ambition 💀 he would definitely say he’s queer but he doesn’t really care too much about defining himself too hard bc until beau he had No Plans of being with anyone romantically or sexually lol. not bc he doesn’t feel that kind of attraction or anything, he’s just been more focused on his career lmao

beau is pansexual :3c also he’s a vampire which is just being inherently queer in he & n’s universe.

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

for me, nah. two of my older cousins are gay and there’s probably more but i’m not close to my fam. i am however the token trans person 🤪

for darren nah, both his parents (dave & liz) are bi, and olice has some gender fuckery/aspec vibes going on but she doesn’t really have labels for anything yet.

gabe technically no? but he doesn’t really talk to his mom about this type of stuff lol. + being a millennia+ old celestial vampire… sexuality and labels are just cute human concepts to her. it’s different for gabe bc he was born on earth and while not raised like “human” or anything he doesn’t have the same experience as the few other celestials around.

n, definitely yes. his mom is super supportive but he doesn’t talk to his grandparents.

beau doesn’t know his birth family so that’s a complicated question. apart of the larger vampire “family” definitely not lol. in this universe, even being a vampire is a status of being queer so.

15. How has your identity changed over time?

for darren it was more straightforward he liked boys growing up and realizing he could like girls was kind of a secondary thing? he’d say it’s cuz of the whole cooties debacle from youth and he took that shit too seriously as a kid, so he never really had girl or femme id-ing people he hung out with until olice came into his life and then after that he realized oh, shit. yeah girls hot also awooga. (not bc of her she’s a sister to him but him realizing oh i can talk to girls and not die, oh they’re hot too)

gabe really didn’t have any type of sexuality awakening until darren lmao like it’s kind of funny. if you asked him before he would say he was aroace bc he didn’t like anyone and even his close friends didn’t spark anything in him. darren was different tho—he flustered him and he liked being around him and Maybe wanted to kiss him? so that’s when he realized he was probably demi instead bbhggh

n was one of those i knew i was queer from birth types so he doesn’t feel like the journey was with his identity, just more getting the curtain to match the drapes—or, getting how he presented outwardly to match his feelings inward. he was one of those athletic tomboys who hated being associated with girl shit, etc but had grandparents who raised him try to force him into that box, which is why he doesn’t talk to them now.

beau is also similar to n; bc being a vampire is inherently queer in their universe (in general too probably but yknow), because he was turned so young (around 5) he’s always felt inherently queer so there wasn’t much of a Journey to figuring himself out in that sense.

and then my long ass answer under the cut

when i was younger i never liked being a girl. but i didn’t really think of myself as a boy either? i just thought of myself as “deadname” and that was the extent of everything. i hated being feminine but i didn’t really resonate with being a “boy” because i didn’t like sports and the like. at some point i kind of just accepted that i was a “tomboy” but i still just felt like “deadname” that was my gender lmao. at least up until 8th grade where (2) things happened. (1) i found yaoi and (2) i had a Queer Awakening experience. for the first part i’d been really into japanese anime and shit for a long time but when i discovered yaoi and saw 2 men being able to love each other romantically and sexually it really opened up my worldview. i kinda never thought about having a partner. i’d had people say they liked me before but i just never felt like… into them? but looking back it’s probably bc i knew they saw me as a girl and that’s what i didn’t like i just didnt know that lmao. but seeing yaoi made me subconsciously realize that i would want a partner if it was like That. i didn’t know what That was at the time (the that being, me also being a dude lmao). and the queer awakening was when i was coming back from a school trip and my friend at the time fell asleep on me with her head on my shoulder. and i just remember thinking so so VIVIDLY “omg it’s like i’m her boyfriend” and the idea of it filled me with euphoria?? i tried to think “nah i should be thinking gf bc i’m a girl right?” but my brain rejected that Immediately. after that when i got into tumblr in hs i kind of started learning more about being gender-fluid and so i kind of dabbled in that—bc around that time the friends and gf i had were very like. oh boys suck and shit and i couldn’t just be a boy without feeling some type of way? but i definitely wasn’t Just a girl. i tried to convince myself maybe i wasn’t a boy at all bc i still didn’t feel like i could be one—i still didn’t like boy shit. i liked wearing skirts (at the time), i liked dress up games and feminine shit… so clearly i had to be Partially a girl? so it kept me in the closet for a long bit until i finally was like nah i’m like. just. a dude. a guy. all of this gender shit kind of went hand in hand with my sexuality bc i always hated the insinuation that i was a lesbian (which happened a lot, got called lesbo, my mom kept asking me if i was a lesbian bc i was physically affectionate with my would become hs gf at the time—and i realize now off topic that tbh i wouldn’t have dated her if my mom and her mom and other people weren’t putting pressure on it to be romantic? like friends can hold hands and cuddle for fucks sake Lmao) bc i’m not a girl or a woman lmao. i didn’t really like being bi either bc at the time i thought it was only being attracted to men and women and what about nb people (i’ve learned better now but this was in hs) plus my own gender was up in the air so like???? pan was my go to and i really felt at home in that label for many years. until i think a few years ago where like idk how to explain well but i just realized while i do think women can be pretty and even sexy i’m just not like. attracted to them in the same way that i’m attracted to men or nb people that aren’t femme leaning. so that’s why mlm/mlnb feels right to me? like my partner’s agender for instance lmao, but they’re my self proclaimed goth hibimbo and they tend to dress femme bc they like the fashion so like. it’s not the presentation of femininity that i’m not attracted to? so in that sense i still feel like it’s not quite correct but. words are dumb we move.

this was so long rip

[styrofauxm]

Since Valentine's Day and ASAW (Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week) are around the corner, and this post is picking up steam again, I want to talk about this post a bit.

I posted this around 2 years after starting to question, identify, and accept myself as aroace. To me, realizing that love was neutral was HUGE. It required restructuring how I viewed the world and myself yet again.

To me, this post really reflects that. A point where my worldview had been shattered by the aspec community yet again. A post by someone who had recently concluded something they found to be really big.

I'm still kinda shocked by all the traction it gets for a post that from the very start reads as very unsure of itself.

I've gotten notes on this post with people who very angrily disagreed, and from people who have expanded my worldview even further. For example, I got these tags from @fuck-naming-things (very sorry if you didn't want to be tagged, I tried to look on your blog but didn't see anything either way) the day I posted it:

#this#every single emotion is morally neutral#love is just another emotion; it's no different from all the other ones in this regard#so me not feeling love therefore has absolutely zero bearing on my moral character

I literally had never stopped to consider that all other emotions might also be neutral. It really should have been the logical step before "love is neutral," but it wasn't to me. It actually took me a few days to wrap my head around.

I also got quite a few comments/tags talking about how they personally conceptualize love. And many of them are completely foreign to my own experiences.

It goes to show how much we can learn from each other. The aro (and aspec) community has genuinely taught me and helped me so much. And I'm really glad my contributions resonate with you guys as well.

I'm also so glad that allo people have found this post informative and I'm so happy you guys engage with the aro community on topics like this. You guys rock.

I don't really have a nice conclusion for this. Just keep listening to each other, and talking to each other, and building on each other's ideas.

I think people need to start seeing love as a neutral emotion. All kinds of love. You can love something, and use that love for good things or bad things. You can love something and do nothing.

Love isn't inherently good. No one is a worse person for not feeling it. No one is a better person for feeling it.