#as always will edit stuff in if I find more
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isak-dot-gov Ā· 1 day ago
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Spoilt Rotten
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Pairing: KK Arnold x Reader
Word count: 1127
My Masterlist :)
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The sound of wrapping paper crinkling caught your attention as soon as you stepped into the living room. There it was againā€”a package. Big and bold, the box sat atop your coffee table, tied with a ribbon that probably cost more than your weekly grocery bill.
You sighed heavily, already knowing what this meant. KK had done it again.
It wasnā€™t like she meant to overwhelm you, but it seemed like every time you mentioned something, even in passing, KK found a way to get it for you. Whether it was a bag you admired while scrolling online, a pair of shoes you tried on once, or even a limited edition gadget that you could easily live withoutā€”KK made it her mission to track it down.
And here it was. Another luxury gift.
With a heavy heart, you stepped closer to the box, trying to fight off the small flicker of excitement. Of course, you wanted to see what was inside. KK always had impeccable taste, and deep down, it made you feel special that she cared enough to remember the things you liked. But it was still too much, too often.
You couldnā€™t shake the thought: How much did this cost her?
Sighing, you sat on the couch, running a hand through your hair as you stared at the package. You didnā€™t need this. You didnā€™t ask for this. But KK? She never listened when it came to gifts.Ā 
Right on cue, the front door opened. KK strolled in with her usual confident energy, her presence filling the room as soon as she walked through the door. She was beautifulā€” an athletic build, with sharp features softened only by her easygoing smile. She carried herself like someone who could handle anything life threw at her, and when it came to you, she treated you like a queen.
"Hey, babe," she called, her voice lilting with amusement as she saw you sitting on the couch, your eyes on the package. "You seen it?"
"Of course I saw it," you said, shaking your head. "KK, seriously? I told you I donā€™t need all this stuff."
KK grinned, not at all fazed by your exasperation. She slipped off her jacket and walked over, sitting beside you. "But you want it, donā€™t you?"
You groaned softly, leaning back against the cushions. "Thatā€™s not the point. Itā€™s expensive. I donā€™t want you spending all your money on things I donā€™t need."
KK leaned in closer, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear with the kind of gentleness that always made your heart flutter. "You deserve nice things. Whatā€™s the harm in that?"
You stared at her, feeling the familiar tug between guilt and affection. KK had always been this wayā€”generous to a fault, especially when it came to you. It wasnā€™t about showing off or proving something; she just genuinely enjoyed spoiling you. It was her love language, but sometimes it made you feel like you couldnā€™t keep up.Ā 
She tilted her head, her eyes narrowing playfully as she reached out to tug the ribbon loose on the box. "Arenā€™t you curious?"
ā€œKKā€¦ā€
ā€œJust open it. I promise itā€™s something small this time.ā€
You raised an eyebrow, knowing she was probably lying. But the sparkle in her eyes made it hard to say no. So, with a reluctant sigh, you started peeling away the wrapping paper, half dreading and half excited about what youā€™d find inside.
Your fingers hesitated as the box revealed its contents. Inside, nestled in a bed of tissue paper, was the designer purse you had admired months agoā€”a limited-edition piece from a luxury brand you could never justify buying for yourself.
ā€œOh my goshā€¦ā€ you breathed, your hands lightly grazing the buttery leather. It was even more beautiful up close, the detailing intricate, the quality undeniable. You looked up at KK, your heart racing with a mix of excitement and guilt. ā€œYou remembered this?ā€
KKā€™s grin softened into something more genuine, a flicker of pride in her eyes. ā€œOf course I did. You couldnā€™t stop talking about it for days.ā€
You swallowed hard, guilt gnawing at you again. ā€œBut this must have cost a fortune, KK. You really didnā€™t have toā€¦ā€
ā€œI wanted to.ā€ Her voice was firm but kind, her hand coming up to rest on your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. ā€œI donā€™t care about the price, babe. I just want you to have the things that make you happy. You work so hard, and you never let yourself have nice things. So Iā€™ll do it for you.ā€
You felt a lump form in your throat, emotions swirling inside you. KK always made it sound so simple, but the truth was, it wasnā€™t easy for you to accept this kind of generosity. It felt unfair, like you werenā€™t pulling your weight in the relationship.
ā€œI donā€™t want you to think you have to buy me things to make me happy, though,ā€ you said softly, placing the purse back in the box. ā€œI already have everything I need with you.ā€
KKā€™s eyes softened, and she leaned in closer, her arm wrapping around your shoulders as she pulled you into her side. ā€œI know that, love. But itā€™s not about having to buy it. Itā€™s justā€¦ my way of showing you how much I care. If something makes you smile, then itā€™s worth it to me. You donā€™t have to feel bad about it.ā€
You rested your head against her shoulder, feeling the steady rise and fall of her breathing. KK had this way of making you feel safe and loved, even when your thoughts were tangled up in guilt. She was so confident, so sure of herselfā€”and, more importantly, of her love for you.Ā 
After a long pause, you sighed, letting the tension drain out of you. ā€œYouā€™re too good to me, you know that?ā€
KK chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. ā€œYou deserve it, baby.ā€
You couldnā€™t help but smile at her confidence, at the way she always made you feel like the centre of her universe. ā€œJustā€¦ maybe next time, talk to me before you go spending crazy amounts of money?ā€
KK raised an eyebrow, clearly teasing. ā€œWeā€™ll see.ā€
You gave her a playful nudge, and she laughed, wrapping you tighter in her embrace. Even though you knew KK wasnā€™t going to change anytime soon, part of you was okay with that. She was stubborn, but her love for you was unshakable. And, in the end, that was worth more than any gift she could ever buy.
As you leaned back into her, the two of you relaxing in each otherā€™s presence, you realised that maybe being spoilt wasnā€™t so bad after allā€”especially when it came from someone like KK.
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fumifooms Ā· 10 months ago
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Drunk/tipsy/drinking Chilchuck compilation
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So close yet so farā€¦
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icewindandboringhorror Ā· 1 year ago
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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crunchchute Ā· 8 months ago
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tumblr is being nice so here you can have a look at my cosplay wips :]
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todayisafridaynight Ā· 1 year ago
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Share Mine notes please I beg (and on the arakawa fam if you have the timefkfd)
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forgive me if these are messy as all fuck i'm not good at making notes BUT here's everything i generally keep in mind when drawing mine and hijikata + the reference sheets i look at when drawing them :)
arakawa family notes + references below:
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(more notes about aoki + sawashiro's faces ft. ikumi here)
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sundial-bee-scribbles Ā· 2 months ago
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO šŸ˜­šŸ„“#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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falmerbrook Ā· 5 months ago
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Every once in a while I am overcome with the gentle urge to make another youtube channel where I talk about tes things. But then I remember what the tes fandom is like on yt and what my voice sounds like and I rethink things.
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bonetrousledbones Ā· 9 months ago
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the past couple days i have been putting so much work into a little lore puzzle-ish thing only to now remember that like 3 people will see it because nobody looks at desktop themes anymore
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beesorcery Ā· 3 months ago
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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
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theygender Ā· 5 months ago
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What are you talking about. Exactly zero of these things are essentials
#i hate new cars sm man šŸ˜­#i cant even afford a car payment rn but i know i need to get a new car asap#bc my 11 year old ford exploder keeps having parts fail on me and also theres a concerning rust issue going on#so im looking into car options a lil bit so i can maybe get an idea of whats out there#once im done with my payments on like braces and other stuff and hopefully have a bit more wiggle room#and i was already not liking the idea of looking at New new cars bc like#i want buttons man. i dont want some touch screen bullshit thats gonna distract me while im driving you know?#i got spoiled with my 2003 and im worried what its gonna be like if i have to get a New car#so im looking into new car options for literally 5 seconds and immediately find this#'well the interior is made out of shitty fabric but at least it has essentials like [things i absolutely dont need or even want] :D'#like. everything there is completely unnecessary. and fucking ALEXA??#why would i want muskrat to be able to spy on me while im driving. wtf is this bullshit#maybe ill just need to look into used cars specifically but its always such a crapshoot#last time i bought a used car secondhand i ended up with something that broke down literally two days after i bought it#(only reason my current car was good when i got it was bc i bought it from my grandma)#i guess maybe a used car dealership might be better bc then at least i would have some accountability if they sell me something shit?#but i dont even know where to start looking when it comes to finding a used car that i would like...#and i dont exactly just wanna walk into a dealership clueless to see what they have there. i wanna be prepared so they cant fuck with me#idk. still gonna be a while until i can get to that point anyway#rambling#edit: just realized alexa is bezos not musk. but fuck em both i dont care. two heads of the same hydra
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king0fcrows Ā· 9 months ago
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fumifooms Ā· 6 months ago
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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis
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Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but Iā€™m jumping into the fray. I think thereā€™s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so itā€™s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.
Falin cares too little :
A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and Iā€¦ Donā€™t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.
We do see her worrying about what people think of herā€¦ ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didnā€™t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. Thatā€™s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; itā€™s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.
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Laiosā€™ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, youā€™re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, Iā€™ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, sheā€™d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, sheā€™d follow him to the ends of the world, and thatā€™s what she did.
She didnā€™t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesnā€™t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parentā€™s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I donā€™t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather itā€™s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that itā€™s as simple as that, mind you, but letā€™s talk about this for now.
Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). Theyā€™re the ones sheā€™s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didnā€™t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.
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What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think thatā€™s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we canā€™t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that sheā€™s in there, we just donā€™t know at what degree), that we donā€™t know her enough to be able to tell when sheā€™s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.
And this is whatā€™s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. Sheā€™s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he canā€™t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see thatā€¦ Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesnā€™t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who sheā€™s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they donā€™t cross her mind then of course sheā€™d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesnā€™t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isnā€™t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see sheā€™s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me thereā€™s this aspect to her that she isnā€™t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and thereā€™s something interesting to that.
People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so sheā€™s friendly and hopefully thingsā€™ll be smooth sailing. Itā€™s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you donā€™t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesnā€™t do what she does because she lovesĀ them, but becauseĀ sheĀ loves them.
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One situation thatā€™s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what Iā€™m trying to get at, is Shuroā€™s proposal to her. Iā€™ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didnā€™t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I canā€™t say no, I donā€™t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but itā€™s actually canon in the Adventurerā€™s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didnā€™t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but itā€™d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense sheā€™d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, thereā€™s even a bit on it on Laiosā€™ Adventurerā€™s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, itā€™s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brotherā€™s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldnā€™t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?
So her hesitance was "yeah thatā€™s convenient for me, but where itā€™s everything to him and heartfelt Iā€™m able to be detached because I donā€™t care about it that muchā€¦ Can I do that? Iā€™m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though itā€™s not what youā€™d expect, isnā€™t it?
And central to my analysis, where Iā€™m going with this is, I feel like thatā€™s the thing with her character, that she doesnā€™t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didnā€™t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didnā€™t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didnā€™t seem to care about how theyā€™d experienced her choices.
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So itā€™s a tendencyā€¦ And itā€™s not that she doesnā€™t care, itā€™s just that the way she measures whatā€™s good for the ones she loves isnā€™t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). Itā€™s an overt but quiet kind of care, itā€™s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.
So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuroā€™s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because sheā€™s thinking about reciprocity, about if itā€™d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And thatā€™s a big part of her character isnā€™t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.
Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, sheā€™d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurerā€™s Bible explanation was released midstory, so Iā€™m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didnā€™t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesnā€™t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasnā€™t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what Iā€™m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuroā€™s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.
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And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? Itā€™s rather layered, because canonically she wasnā€™t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and weā€™re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isnā€™t being mistreated (though doesnā€™t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough sheā€™s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when sheā€™s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chiefā€™s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.
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She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.
And this sort of understanding is part of why I think sheā€™d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when sheā€™s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think itā€™s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. Sheā€™s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuroā€™s proposal, doesnā€™t want to lead him on? Sheā€™ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesnā€™t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.
We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think thatā€™s here too. She doesnā€™t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesnā€™t change that she doesnā€™t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, itā€™s just that sheā€™s learned growing up that she doesnā€™t have much agency.
Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. Sheā€™ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, sheā€™ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when heā€™s pushing her away (because he doesnā€™t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved themā€” And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didnā€™t notice the ostracization she suffered.
Sheā€™s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didnā€™t try hard to rectify the dogsā€™ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.
So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someoneā€™s presence isnā€™t something you ask for, itā€™s something thatā€™s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you canā€™t ask them to stay or to come with.
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Sheā€™s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so sheā€™s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didnā€™t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.
And still, itā€™s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasnā€™t that Iā€™d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I donā€™t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but Iā€™m sorry that youā€™re so much more upset about it than me". Itā€™s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.
Itā€™s the autism itā€™s the aroace of it all, itā€™s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, itā€™s the feeling like youā€™re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. Iā€™m not joking btw it isnā€™t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm youā€™re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you wonā€™t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about itā€¦"
Soā€¦ Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I donā€™t think she actually cares about people all that much. Iā€™d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesnā€™t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well itā€™s pretty straightforward really, sheā€™s not all that social and doesnā€™t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but itā€™s not as much likeā€¦ A conviction or goal. Sheā€™s too laser focused on a select few people. "Itā€™s not that theyā€™re bad people, they just arenā€™t interested in humans."
And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isnā€™t her whole world or that she isnā€™t the kindest soul out there then youā€™re saying she doesnā€™t care at all or sheā€™s evil. And thatā€™s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but itā€™s not in a way thatā€™s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they donā€™t have the same logic as her, donā€™t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if Iā€™m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isnā€™t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.
And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, thereā€™s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. Thereā€™s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason Iā€™ve chosen this angle is I feel itā€™s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falinā€™s character arc as Iā€™ll go over throughout the next sectionā€¦
So.
Not feeling as much as she should. Andā€¦ā€¦. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?
You canā€™t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.
Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when sheā€™s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to justā€¦ Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. Thatā€™s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.
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Thereā€™s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, andā€¦ Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falinā€™s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragonā€™s wasnā€™t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. Sheā€™s stripped of her agency consistently, and soā€¦ Itā€™s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.
Personally, I think freedom is Falinā€™s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.
And if you think Iā€™m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laiosā€™ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, itā€™s something thatā€™s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.
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Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, itā€™s always been Laiosā€™ curse.
Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, butā€¦ On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks itā€™d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If thereā€™s someone you donā€™t like, you can gobble ā€˜em up in one bite. If you could fly, youā€™d be able to leave this village right now." Itā€™s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.
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But youā€™ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesnā€™t want to leave knowing theyā€™ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laiosā€™ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isnā€™t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isnā€™t to stay and see how well his friends will live, itā€™s to go. Itā€™s to leave. Itā€™s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. Itā€™s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didnā€™t, or not caring and wishing you did.
In the end, itā€™s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. Itā€™s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying theyā€™ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while theyā€™re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what itā€™s like to have what sheā€™s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.
No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if youā€™re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when youā€™re a beast and you can justā€¦ Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because youā€™re at the bottom of the hierarchy, youā€™re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.
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I think sheā€™s on autopilot. I think sheā€™s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and itā€™s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) Itā€™s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And thatā€™s what is weaponized when sheā€™s a chimera, that instinct sheā€™s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesnā€™t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesnā€™t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because sheā€™s trained it to take as little place as it could.
Falin cares too much
She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.
So youā€™re probably seeing the duality Iā€™m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often donā€™t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesnā€™t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.
In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. Sheā€™s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, itā€™s text, in the response to Shuroā€™s proposal extra no less. And sheā€™s so laser focused on her most loved people that sheā€™s fine with being callous and risking othersā€™ lives, even.
Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.
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Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.
And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with herā€¦ Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her tooā€¦ In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way thatā€™s not palatable. But she doesnā€™t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasnā€™t for a while now, and thatā€™s great.
Notes & nuance
Iā€™m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. Itā€™s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but thereā€™s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "itā€™s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldnā€™t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falinā€™s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, itā€™s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I canā€™t just pull it up whenever itā€™s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurerā€™s Bible profile if you havenā€™t already.
I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didnā€™t seem to mind others ostracizing her, itā€™s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid sheā€™s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leaderā€¦ Thereā€™s one istanxe of her caring actually, and itā€™s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laiosā€™ said it and as I rambled Laiosā€™ words are her world, but actually itā€™s ambiguous. Itā€™s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, thereā€™s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other handā€¦
Her Adventurerā€™s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falinā€™s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesnā€™t like being called cute over it, but thatā€™s not how she wants people to see her. She doesnā€™t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.
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Hereā€™s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts donā€™t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe itā€™s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didnā€™t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ā€˜troublesomeā€™. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.
And on the topic of appearancesā€¦ A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurerā€™s Bible profile) itā€™s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."
Imo the thing is, I donā€™t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for othersā€™ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but thatā€™s not personality wise itā€™s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like thatā€™s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesnā€™t know what she wants because everything sheā€™s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesnā€™t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesnā€™t ask things from people and doesnā€™t hope for more, hope for better. I donā€™t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her itā€™s less ā€˜appearing stoic to fit in moreā€™ and more ā€˜yeah iā€™ll just chill until Iā€™m needed or something activates my enthusiasmā€™. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you canā€™t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."
And speaking of passivityā€¦ I want to speculate about Shuroā€™s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we donā€™t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuroā€™s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I donā€™t think it was as simple as ā€˜she wanted to say yes for convenienceā€™. Logically itā€™s what would have been best, but itā€™s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesnā€™t think sheā€™ll get proposed to again, itā€™s that self-effacing tendency that yes itā€™d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isnā€™t in it, because if itā€™s convenient then thatā€™s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man alsoā€¦ Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldnā€™t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falinā€™s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.
AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much sheā€™s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but sheā€™s for sure there & influencing the dragonā€™s action to some degree. Having a dragonā€™s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but thereā€™s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, thereā€™s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly thereā€™s the Adventurerā€™s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that itā€™s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, itā€™s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, sheā€™s described as Thistleā€™s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so Iā€™ll reign myself in and just mention it again. Sheā€™s still at the heel of someone, only now itā€™s someone who doesnā€™t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that itā€™s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think thatā€™s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isnā€™t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.
Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.
But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc weā€™ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "Iā€™ll lay down my life for you" point? Iā€™m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isnā€™t it cool?" gestures of showing things to herā€¦ Itā€™s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe itā€™s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same timeā€¦ I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. Iā€™d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but thereā€™s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.
Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo importantā€¦ Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didnā€™t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you havenā€™t seen each other in a while or when theyā€™re alone, and yes thereā€™s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin wonā€™t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same wayā€¦ I hope Iā€™m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they donā€™t know if thatā€™s allowed, if theyā€™re going about the social interaction the right way, if theyā€™re allowed to ask that out of someoneā€¦
Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didnā€™t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falinā€™s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldnā€™t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course sheā€™d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).
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A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcilleā€™s world, Laiosā€™ is at the center of Falinā€™s, and I tend to agree.
Itā€™s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course thereā€™s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but thereā€™s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.
I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think thereā€™s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I donā€™t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ā€˜If you die do it somewhere where I canā€™t seeā€™ styleā€™ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I donā€™t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isnā€™t needlessly against ghosts. And Falinā€™s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because itā€™s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whateverā€™s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.
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Iā€™m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falinā€™s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laiosā€™ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.
Conclusion
Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.
Tldr: Falin doesnā€™t care all that much, sheā€™s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesnā€™t really care because thatā€™d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but itā€™s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: sheā€™s canonically very genuinely kind, but itā€™s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. Sheā€™s passive, and softspoken because thatā€™s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the olā€™ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. Sheā€™s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but thereā€™s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. Thereā€™s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falinā€™s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.
Sheā€™s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and thatā€™s it donā€™t hope for more donā€™t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how sheā€™s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)
Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.
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I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it
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Thatā€™s it, ty for reading. Even if itā€™s a bit of a mess, hopefully youā€™ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.
Hereā€™s my spotify playlist for her if youā€™d like
Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-loveā€™s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.
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#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we donā€™t#get that many moments with her. So thereā€™s ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me#As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it#Iā€™m doomed. Iā€™m getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#analysis#character analysis#meta#autistic reading#aroace reading as well. Sort of. Itā€™s mentioned#The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity youā€™re expected to#As always this is just my interpretation blablabla#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor#Laios touden#heā€™s here too bc they are an unit#If youā€™re not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falinā€™s character u are missing an opportunity imo#Fairyā€™s child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised sheā€™s hard to fully pin down#Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laiosā€¦ Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out#Iā€™d like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. Iā€™m not satisfied by the level of clarity#Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles#Crazy style#I give a TLDR at the end if youā€™d prefer. It doesnā€™t have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think
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icewindandboringhorror Ā· 7 months ago
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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berryblu-soda Ā· 9 months ago
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so funny thing, trying to doodle roy and sara looks vaguely like if i was trying to draw show percabeth without a refference lmaoo (before coloring)
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princess-of-purple-prose Ā· 1 year ago
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[ID: A collection of screencaps from Trigun 98 and Trigun Stampede of Vash and Wolfwood overlaid with text posts and tweets.
Stampede: Official art of Vash and Wolfwood + Post by @/elicash which says: "what if there was a repressed blond man in love with a dark-haired maniac."
98: Vash trying to take his water bottle back from Wolfwood, who squints at him + Tweet by @/Abdul_wun that says: "I believe in annoyed at first sight."
Stampede: Vash shouts with frustration at a frowning Wolfwood + Post by @/calellon that says: "yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now."
98: Meryl and Milly look at Vash and Wolfwood, who are smiling at each other + Post by @/zeravmeta that says: "If he's your man then why is he MY thematic parallel"
Stampede: Wolfwood shouts at Vash while firing the Punisher + Post by @/normal-horoscopes in all caps that says: "[ASMR] I call you an idiot several times while treating your stab wounds"
Stampede: Vash smiling sweetly at Wolfwood + Post by @/americiumam that says: "i'm not arguing with a man with brown eyes. whatever you say gorgeous"
98: Wolfwood leans in close to a surprised Vash's face + Post by @/lightswitchcat (deactivated) that says: "Look buddy, these lips ain't gonna kiss themselves"
Stampede: Vash and Wolfwood stand on the sandsteamer. Vash says via tweet by @/idksomedumbshit, "i can't mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one boys," and Wolfwood replies via Tumblr comment by @/r4cs0, "Manslaughter it is then"
98: Vash and Wolfwood laughing obnoxiously on the bus + Post by @/podencos which says: "Real love is when you're both dumbasses"
Stampede: Wolfwood scowling and saying "You really mess with me" + Post by @/949520 (deactivated) which says: "Tell me I'm cute or something so I can like roll my eyes at you but then blush when I think about it later." End ID]
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Vashwood + Text Posts
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archaeren Ā· 4 months ago
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How I learned to write smarter, not harder
(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)
A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.
The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.
As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!
Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!
2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)
Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.
Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.
I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.
Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!
This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.
As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.
When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD
People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.
What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!
What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.
You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.
And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.
And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.
If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?
And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD
In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.
Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.
Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)
And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)
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