#as a kid i hated myself for not being able to host sleepovers or try certain foods or go places

[channwie]

💭 13.02.24

[terristarstrike]

Sleepover At The Starship (pt 1)

Terrina barely knew how to host a slumber party, let alone be a part of one. Back in the giant world, she was painfully neurotic and afraid of being bullied by her Jotuzon peers. She didn’t have that many friends to talk to, aside from Meg, but she was always relentlessly tormented whenever she talked about her fascination with humans. She knew what it was like to be a wallflower, much like Bailey was.

As the leader of the Terrestrial Kids, Bailey has handled a couple slumber parties before. She wasn’t really an expert at being social, especially since she’s isolated herself from the world being too caught up in her own interests, but she was always interested to spend as much time with her friends as she could.

Bailey was a total introvert, but Terri helped her break out of her shell, and Terri, herself, learned to embrace her mixed half-human nature, and be more courageous in fighting for the human world back on El-Doe. 

If Terri was to fulfill her purpose as a living hybrid, she would have to face her deepest fear: mingling with her own people.

"Bailey, I think I may have a crazy idea that I know I'm gonna hate, but if I'm gonna embrace both of my Human and Jotuzon sides, I gotta start interacting with my fellow giants. I’m throwing a slumber party, right here, in my starship!" But Bailey remembered how much Terri hated being with the Jotuzons, even if she was one of them. "Aren't you like.. scared of your own people?" Bailey asked her girlfriend. "I'm not scared, I just prefer to be... by myself!" Terri laughed. "I mean, even though I AM one of them, I don't belong WITH them." Bailey massaged Terri's giant hand as she spoke "Well, it wouldn't hurt to try hanging out with them?" "Sweetheart.. you're right." Terri sighed "I guess I do love being a giant. Hell, that's like one of the best things about me!

Bailey wanted to be excited, she was a Jotuzon too, but she was also a human who spent most of her time being as small as a bug compared to the giants. Terri was a lot of handle, but imagine multiple giants all at once! Every one of their footsteps shaking the Earth with a powerful magnitude. Their voices being so loud that no human inside the starship would be able to get a good night’s sleep, no matter how far away they are from the main room.

Meg wanted out of her Terri’s slumber party. She wasn’t used to slumber parties, nor was she a fan of loud social gatherings, and she definitely didn't want to face her longtime bullies.

"Hey, Ree" a Jotuzon-sized Meg pitched in by Terri's side "I was thinking if me and Bailey can just have own tiny slumber party. It's not like I don't wanna throw myself into the crossfire and be the laughing stock all over again." "No way! I wanna get to know my fellow Jotuzons." Bailey wanted to remain as positive and curious as possible.

"But she's inviting our long-time bullies, Bails!" Meg argued "They've been mocking me and Terrina for our interest in humans! Such weirdos.." Meg didn't know what to make of her former enemies, she was practically annoyed every time they spoke to her. Meg wanted to shrink and just stay out of it entirely, but maybe she was considering to mingle with the other Jotuzons for a change, Bailey and Meg were half-Jotuzon after all. It'd be better than losing sleep over the giants’ loud voices from the other room.

"Maybe I'll go big for this one, and you can watch after Gelli." Bailey placed the little sentient blob into Meg's massive palm. For Terri’s tiny pet blob, Gellatine, her fears were a LOT worse. Gelli could expand to massive size if she wanted to, but she would feel as it she was straining herself to her limits. Sure, she was a shapeshifter, but she was terrified to be on the same floor as those gargantuan Jotuzons. The powerful vibrations of their footsteps and their carelessness towards Morphs made her absolutely pale to her core. Bailey and Meg promised that they would take good care of Gelli while Terri had her party, and to keep an eye on her so she doesn’t get squished over and over again. Bailey grew into her giant Bailynn form, while Gelli wrapped herself around Meg's finger like a ring.

Once the doorbell rung, Terri hesitated to answer… she didn’t know how to keep an eye on an entire group of giants her size if they visited Earth, she didn’t know how to talk to them without mentioning humans, she didn’t know how to converse with her own species altogether. But she wanted to do this, to earn their forgiveness and maybe some new friendships, and she began to open the front door…

That's right, you're about to meet some very interesting giants! Nope, not the hybrid kind this time. FULL. BLOODED. JOTUZONS. To be continued! 🤫

[hangovercurse]

Live from New York

You’re hosting SNL and get close with one of the cast members

Request: “hi! can you do something about pete where the reader is hosting snl and throughout the week they’re flirting with each other but she’s unsure if they should date and he convinces her? maybe a combo of fluff/angst/smut? it can be whatever :,)”

Pete x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I told myself I wasn’t going to take that long on this one and then I ended up watching an entire documentary on the making of an SNL episode because I wanted to be as accurate as possible… someone stop me pls

Word Count: 2834

Monday

Despite being a swiftly rising actress, you hated being the enter of attention. You’d always gotten anxious as a kid when a teacher made you stand in front of the class for presentations or during first-day introductions. So being front and center in a room of 30 people who were all there to study and try to impress you was not something you found pleasant.

“Hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You spoke timidly to the crowded room, people clapping from their spots on the floor or various couches around the room, “it’s great to be here.”

Lorne cleared his throat, “alright, let’s start with you, Anna.”

You looked around the room as a young woman pitched the first sketch of the night, listening intently to her ideas while trying to match faces with the names Lorne had given you earlier. Then your eyes locked with a pair of deep brown ones, the man wearing a soft smile on his face. He radiated gentle energy despite the tattoos you could see running down his arms.

The pitches continued with an air of lightheartedness and fun. You found nearly everything funny, so you couldn’t even begin to imagine how you were going to cut any of the sketch pitches.

After a lull in ideas, Lorne announced that cast members could now pitch ideas for Weekend Update character appearances. The man you’d taken an interest in earlier, who you’d since learned was named Pete Davidson, pitched a new set of characters for you and him.

“You know those weird stoner kids in high school who were always hanging out in the parking lot and acted really weird and mysterious? Those characters who just give really vague answers to anything you ask and act like they’ve seen some shit when they have the most normal home lives.”

You giggled, knowing the exact kinds of kids he was talking about. Colin and Michael also chuckled, writing the idea down with some notes of their own. Soon after that, everyone went back to pitching regular sketches, Jost and Che pitching an unusual number of sketches featuring you and Pete.

After a few long hours, the session wrapped; everyone leaving the office space except for you and Lorne, “so, what did you think?”

You chuckled lightly, “you have some seriously talented people on this show, Mr. Michaels. I don’t understand how you guys write an entire show every week.”

“We all work very hard; I’ll tell you that. Now, talk to me. Anything you really liked or really hated?”

You shrugged, “you’re the comedy mastermind, I know nothing. But I thought that weird kids from high school bit was pretty funny.”

Lorne nodded, “So did Jost and Che it seems. Sometimes the kid has a good idea.” You giggled at his reference to Pete as “the kid.” He sighed, “anything else? I noticed you liked that proposal sketch.”

“Yeah, that one was super funny. I will say, I wasn’t too in love with the dad-teacher one, but I would have no problem with it being done with someone else as the daughter.”

Lorne and you spent the rest of the workday discussing the different sketch ideas that came up and gauging what type of comedy suited you best. Before you left, he introduced you to Donna, your dresser who would be helping you out throughout the week.

Tuesday

After a quick tour of the studio by Donna, you were given a list of cast members and writers who wanted to meet with you to get ideas about sketches. You first stepped into a small room with a desk and futon, Donna introducing you to Chloe Fineman and Celeste Yim.

Chloe smiled brightly at you, “okay, so we were thinking that we could do something where I bring you to a sleepover with some friends that you don’t know. But at some point, you try to go to sleep because you have a soccer tournament in the morning but everyone else is being loud and it turns into this big overdramatic argument.”

You giggled softly, “I love that!”

After writing with them for a while, you were whisked away to room after room, finally landing in Colin Jost and Michael Che’s office, where they were hunched over a computer with Pete.

Colin smiled at you, “hey Y/N, how’s your day been?”

“Busy, how are you guys?”

The men responded with variations of “good,” before Michael spoke, “I know it’s late, so don’t feel obligated to stay longer than you’re comfortable with.”

You shrugged, “what time is it? It doesn’t feel that late.”

Pete laughed, teasing Colin and Michael, “c’mon guys, don’t you know that the young people of New York don’t sleep?”

You giggled in agreement as Colin frowned, “I’m only 38, that’s not that old.”

“I’m only 26, Colin,” you said, laughing at the men.

Michael patted Colin on the shoulder, “Jost, we’re getting old.”

Colin frowned before clearing his throat, “anyways, we had a couple ideas for some sketches with you and Pete, if you’re up for it, and we wanted to hash out your weekend update appearance.”

You smiled and nodded, “yeah, that sounds great.”

The rest of the night (and into the early morning) was spent with the three men, eventually joined by Heidi Gardner and Kyle Mooney to work them into the scripts. A majority of the writing process was simply messing around with various sketch situations until someone found a joke that worked best.

Pete watched you carefully the entire night, doing everything in his power to make you laugh. You had no complaints, doing your best to not openly flirt with him in front of the rest of the cast (and failing quite miserably).

Wednesday

Wednesday was the designated day for the roundtable readthrough. You took a place between Pete and Lorne, who began the reading, “we’ve got 41 sketches so let’s get started.”

The table read was just like any other you’d been through; Lorne wasting no time between sketches to discuss or joke. You struggled with containing your laughter throughout the reading, trying to act professionally. It didn’t help that Pete was making jokes any chance he got, eliciting even more giggles from you.

The three hours seemed to take no time at all as sketch after sketch was read out loud. Every so often you would catch Lorne looking at you with an eyebrow raised, usually after you read one of the sketches with Pete.

After everyone was dismissed, you were led to Lorne’s office with the head writers and producers. There was a large wall covered in sticky notes with each sketch’s name written on one. Lorne turned to you, “what do you think?”

You scanned the wall, listing off some of the sketches that you really liked, though most of them were  great, so you had trouble narrowing them down.

Lorne let out a small laugh, “you guys noticed how she picked out the sketches with Pete in them, too, right?”

Your face went hot, immediately turning to face the ground. Colin and Michael chuckled, “we noticed,” the latter commented.

“There’s nothing wrong with it, Y/N, just wanted to point it out to you.” Lorne teased before turning back to the wall and thinking.

You giggled, “you guys suck.”

As embarrassed as you were, your anxiety was surprisingly low. You had been worried about hosting since you got the invite, but the cast and crew had been nothing but kind to you. Even just being able to make jokes like this with the writers made you feel oddly comforted.

You worked on narrowing down which sketches to keep for rehearsals and which ones were going to get cut immediately, a job that was very easy for Lorne but very difficult for you.

Eventually you got it down to enough sketches that Lorne was satisfied and he sent out the list to the cast. He led you out of his office, “you know, you have a real affinity for comedy,” he told you. “I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about sketch comedy, but from that read through you seem to know what you’re doing.”

You blushed slightly, thanking him, “we’ll see if you’re still saying that on Saturday.”

He chuckled, “have a good night.” You waved at him as you walked towards the exit, running into none other than Pete Davidson.

“Hey, you headed out?”

You smiled, “yeah, just got out of my meeting with Lorne. Did you get a chance to look at the revised sketch schedule?”

Pete nodded, walking with you to the door of the theater, “yeah, I noticed you kept a lot of our sketches in there,” he bumped your shoulder, a playful smirk on his face.

A giggle rolled from your lips, “what can I say? We’re funny together.”

He raised an eyebrow, watching as you flagged down your taxi, “whatever you say.”

“Are you complaining about having to work with me?” You asked, opening the door.

He chuckled, “oh yeah. I am just dreading tomorrow.” Sarcasm laced his words, making you laugh.

“Goodnight, Pete.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Thursday

Donna ushered you around all day, making sure you were in the rehearsal space when you needed to be and supporting you from the side. This part of the process came naturally to you, as it was the most similar to rehearsing and filming on movie sets.

When you weren’t rehearsing a scene, you were hanging out with Pete. It was strange how easily you got along, your humors aligning almost perfectly. Not to mention he was a huge flirt and was making it more and more obvious with you. You flirted right back, earning looks of amusement from Lorne throughout the day.

The day was a whirlwind, and by the time you were able to go home, you were exhausted. Pete walked you out to the street again, talking about one of the sketches that went wrong earlier until your taxi pulled up. This time he opened the door for you and helped you inside, “see you tomorrow.”

You smiled up at him, “bright and early.”

Friday

After hours of rehearsing, you plopped onto the couch in Pete’s dressing room, where you had found yourself a home over the past few days, “I don’t know how you guys do this every week. I’ve been here for four days and I’m exhausted.”

Pete chuckled, “to be fair, you’re the host. The key is to try and only get one sketch into the show so that you don’t have to do anything during the week.”

You laughed, letting a comfortable silence fall over you. Pete studied you, taking in your tired appearance, “you’re doing great though, being a host. I’ve seen some people come in and try to take control of everything and then no one has fun. You’re really good at just letting the comedy speak for itself. Not many people do that.”

Shrugging, you responded, “I mean, I’m not a comedian, I’m just an actor. You guys come up with everything. I don’t know enough to try and control things around here, I just do what I can to make your visions come to life. I figured that’s what a host should do.”

Pete nodded, “yeah, but again, a lot of people want their SNL episode to look a certain way. You don’t seem to care.”

“I just want to have fun, honestly.”

He smirked, “are you?”

You looked up to him with a smile on your face, “definitely.”

Suddenly the speaker in the room rang out, “Y/N and Pete to main stage 1.”

Groaning, you lifted yourself from the couch, Pete watching you with amusement, “c’mon Ms. Host, we’ve got a show to rehearse.”

Saturday

The day was hectic; filled with rehearsal after rehearsal. Lorne and Donna made sure that you were comfortable all day, but you could feel the stress radiating from every inch of the studio.

Stronger than that, though, was the sense of excitement buzzing around everyone. You were fit into more costumes than you could count, all leading up to the final dress rehearsal of the night in front of the live studio audience.

Dress ran smoothly, but you could see Lorne cutting lines from sketches from stage out of the corner of your eye. Luckily, Pete distracted you from all the anxious energy. “I know Lorne looks like a psychopath, but that’s just what he does. Everything’s fine, don’t stress about it,” he said over dinner.

You chuckled, “thanks. I feel so out of my league this week.”

“I told you, you’re great. Everyone here loves you. I heard Lorne talking about wanting you back as soon as possible.”

Rolling your eyes, you responded, “yeah right, I’m never gonna do anything big enough to get me on this show again.”

Pete laughed, “you could always make guest appearances with me on the Weekend Update.”

“You aren’t sick of me already?” you joked.

After dinner you were paraded around by Donna, who got you into your style for opening monologue. She smiled at you through your dressing room mirror, “how are you feeling?”

You gave her a nervous smile, “terrified, but ready.”

The lady chuckled, “you’ll do great. I’ll be right offstage if you need anything.”

“Thank you, for everything this week.”

She squeezed your shoulders, “don’t mention it, though if you really want to thank me, go ask that Davidson boy out on a date.”

Your eyes went wide, “Donna!”

A chuckle rang out through the room, “what? I say it for your own good.”

She led you through a maze of hallways and tunnels until you were in place to walk onstage, the speaker announcing your name to the audience followed by cheers.

Exactly 90 minutes later you were gathered with the cast on stage, “thank you to Fletcher, Lorne Michaels, this amazing cast and crew, and thank you all for watching. Goodnight everybody!”

You turned to Pete, who was standing beside you and let him pull you in for a hug, “you did it!” he cheered.

You passed around the cast, giving hugs to as many people as you can before Lorne announced, “that’s a wrap on Y/N Y/L/N and Fletcher!”

Everyone cheered, clapping for you and your musical guest before heading to their dressing rooms to change into their night clothes. You went back to your own dressing room, taking a moment to bask in the feeling of accomplishment.

A knock on your door pulled you out of your haze, “come in!”

Pete entered the room, a wide smile on his face, “congrats!” You let him pull you in for another hug, “so I know that there’s supposed to be this big party after the show, but I was wondering if you’d let me take you to dinner instead?”

Your breath got caught in your throat, those words being the last thing you expected to hear from him. Of course, you wanted to say yes because you did, truthfully, really like him. But part of you was hesitant.

You’d dated your fair share of celebrities, and things always ended very publicly and typically poorly. On top of that, you couldn’t help but feel that this might be happening a bit too quick. You started to doubt that he would still have feelings for you in a week since he wouldn’t be around you nearly all the time.

And then there was the issue of your insane work schedules. Having just lived through his, you weren’t sure if you would be able to keep a relationship like that.

“Pete, I think you’re amazing and I really like you, I just-“

Pete nodded his head, cutting you off, “I know we only met like a couple of das ago, but people go on dates with literal strangers all the time.”

You sighed, “it’s not that, Pete, it’s just that…” you paused, searching for words, “things like this tend to be very public with me, and I really don’t want to have a relationship where there’s all this pressure by the media to be perfect.”

He shrugged, “I get that, but it’s just dinner. And we can go somewhere quiet and private, no one has to know. And if things go further then we’ll just keep it on the down low until you’re ready. Trust me, I know what a public relationship is like, I’m not a huge fan either.”

“Yeah, but what about your work schedule. I mean, I’ve only lived in your world for six days and I want to sleep for a month. How do you even hold a relationship on this schedule?”

Pete moved closer to you, fingers grazing your arm, “we can make it work. I promise. Just give me one date, and if it’s not the best first date of your life, you have no further obligations to me.”

You giggled lightly, leaning into his touch, “I’m only saying yes because you’re kinda cute.”

He smiled down at you, eyes twinkling, I’ll take it.”

[meher-sumedha]

Okay so I have a few

1. Drunk az mistakenly confesses his feeling for Gwyn in front of everyone.

2. Gwyn and az making bracelets together.

3. Gwynriel’s first official date.

4. Az and Gwyn on a spy mission together.

Okay so I'll write the first one first cause I really really like it and really want to write it. Also, this is my first time writing like smut, smut so. FORGIVE ME. As you know - 2 am. my mental health is fucked. Anyways ENJOY!

Gwynriel Headcanon : Gwyn's Little Crush

(I know just trust me on this)

Gwyn and Azriel had been dating since a year now. And last month only the mating bond had snapped for Azriel. It had made Gwyn's life shit.

As much as she wanted to be with him, the mating bond had made their lives shit. Like really shitty. They couldn't leave their room without Azriel killing someone.

After one week Azriel had convinced Gwyn that he was okay and was gonna behave. He did not. They had gone to a restaurant in Velaris, as a dinner date.

He almost killed the waiter because he looked at Gwyn when he gave her her dish. On their way back home he kept telling Gwyn he was okay.

"I swear to god Gwyn, I'm fine."

"Az you almost killed the waiter"

.... "Well I controlled myself in front of the receptionist"

"YOU ALMOST TOOK OUT HIS EYES!"

"HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU"

"HE ASKED ME IF I WAS FINE!"

"WELL, I, I"

"WEL!????"

Azriel was silent after that, he knew Gwyn was right but wasn't able to spend any time with her. He was like a freakin dog. That couldn't behave.

When they kept walking and Azriel didn't respond, Gwyn stopped in the middle of the road and came in front of Azriel. She took his face in her hands, and pulled it so close that their foreheads were touching.

His hands instinctively wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. "I'm sorry" Whispered Azriel, his shadows thickening around them.

"Az, I love you with all my heart" And then let out a small chuckle, "but we can't risk you going and killing people". This made Azriel smile, everything she did made him smile.

Azriel then said, "I think we should wait before I get out of my room again" And chuckled. So did Gwyn.

"I agree" She said and smiled. But then Azriel pulled his head away and pulled Gwyn closer to him, so she was now looking up to him. He frowned and said, "But then how-how would we spend time together without anyone knowing?"

Gwyn rested her head against his chest. Trying to listen to his heartbeat to calm her own. Trying to figure out a solution. And then it hit her.

"Well, uhmm, I-I could move in with you if-if you like cause you know we've already done the deed and, and I already sleep in your room like three nights of the week and I-" Babbling. Azriel realized Gwyn was babbling.

So, he stopped her before she could panic more, "I'd love that" He said. And Gwyn stopped. Smiling against his chest.

"How does it feel" She asked. "How does what feel?", she then looked up to him and said with a cheeky voice, "How does it feel to be in the presence of your mate". Azriel pulled her even closer, and told her, "It feels like, like, I-I don't know how to explain it".

Gwyn chuckled and said, "Well you never were to one for words" And stood on her tippy toes and kissed him on the nose. A small, simple gesture that still made Azriel's heart leap. But then Azriel looked at her with such intensity that Gwyn couldn't help but stand normally, grab the collar of his shirt and smash her lips onto his.

Azriel chuckled into the kiss and winnowed them, to his apartment. His apartment, their apartment.

When they arrived, Gwyn broke the kiss and asked, "Where are we?" And started to look around the room. The simple room with a black cupboard and a black desk. With a brown bread.

And when she started to walk away, Azriel pulled her back into his embrace and just stared at her. Imprinting her beauty to his mind, not that he could ever compare it with the real deal.

When he did stuff like that, he could see that Gwyn became as red as a tomato. But usually it ended with cuddles in bed. Right now, Gwyn grabbed his collar and smashed her lips onto his, she then slipped her hands under his waist band.

Azriel then let out a thirst groan. In one smooth movement Gwyn slipped her hands out and took off his shirt, breaking their kiss for a millisecond. And then smashing her lips again. This time, she slammed Azriel into the wall with that powerful of a kiss.

Hunger, desire, all was shining through the bond for Azriel. He had sensed her scent change the moment they arrived. All was left of the scent of flowers and lillies, was arousal and arousal only. But Azriel couldn't loose his self control. Cause he knew if he did, he could hurt her.

So as much control as he could muster, he picked Gwyn up, his hands under her hips and took her to the bed and laid her down with utter gentleness. He FUCKING tried, tried to control himself but she just wasn't fucking giving up.

So Azriel thought, fuck it, she wants it rough, fine. I can give her rough. When Azriel's hand slipped under her leggings, Gwyn smirked into the kiss. She knew, she knew Azriel would loose his control and she knew what she did to him. Yet she didn't stop, still testing his limits.

Before today, Azriel had made love to her, but-but today, he was gonna fuck her. He was gonna ride her until she couldn't stop screaming his name.

So he did, all night. All night they tested each other. All night seeing who would break first. It was mostly Azriel. And that night, Azriel discovered, that if he wanted her undone, he was gonna have to do a lot more than just thrust into her with his long length. Gods, he loved it. Loved the rush, the pleasure. So he did, he took it as a challenge, and as Azriel didn't like loosing, he soon got a hold of her tell. Of what got her undone.

But, he only used it in extreme times, when she wouldn't break. For he would never want her to know his strategy.

Even though it was a game, it wasn't at the same time. As much as Azriel loved the sex, he loved the little cuddles, the silent training, the talks they had after one had a nightmare, the simple walks alongside the sidra, the flying with Gwyn screaming in his ear, the sleepovers, the getting drunk. He loved her, and every single fucking thing about her. He loved it.

And today, after a month of isolation, Azriel was finally gonna meet his brothers. He hoped that he had some control over himself, and that he doesn't fuck this up and ends up killing everyone.

They were at the house of wind, where Nesta and Cassian were hosting the dinner. They had just had dinner and a few drinks and were sitting on sofas. Gwyn was playing with Nyx on the floor as she was the only one who was not drunk.

"Gwyn" Said Cassian. "Mhmm", "Gwyn", "Mhmm", "GWYN", "WHAT". This had become their new routine, Rhysand pesturing Gwyn and Gwyn being annoyed. As much as Gwyn pretended she hated it, she actually loved it.

Gwyn then looked back to her high lord, who had Feyre resting her head on his shoulders. "I heard you have a crush" And as soon as he said that, Azriel's eyes shot up from beside Gwyn. Gwyn then put her hand on Azriel's thigh, he was sitting cross legged with Gwyn, which made him calm down.

"You told him?" Gwyn asked Nesta, angered slightly laced in her voice. Nesta shot her hands up in surrender position, "I swear to god I didn't" But then her gaze fell away from Gwyn. And when Gwyn followed that Gaze, she saw her eyes were on a smirking Cassian.

Gwyn took the pillow that was with her and threw it at Cassian's face, which made all of them chuckle. It erased the smirk he had on his face, but not for long. "Fork you" Gwyn muttered and Azriel raised his eyebrows. "A kid's here, I'm not gonna be the one to teach him bad language, you all already do enough of that" And it brought out a laugh in all of them which even made Gwyn smile a bit. . (Nesta, Cassian, Feyre, Rhysand, Azriel (emorie is currently, well somewhere and elucien is on a honeymoon in the day court)).

"Anyways" Said rhysand and he continued, "we thought it might have been a good idea to invite him". Azriel was getting impatient, so he asked, "Who the hell is he?".

And then suddenly, fucking suddenly, Stefan Salvatore walked into that room.

Everyone knew him. I mean who didn't? He was a legend. The only one of his kind. Stories were written about him, the only fae, who was also a vampire.

"Hello love" He said and Gwyn's cheeks reddened. He was hot, hot hot. And suddenly Gwyn's little fangirl was awakened. She wanted to ask him so many questions, did he really drink blood? Did he drink people's blood?

"Hi," Gwyn said and he came closer to her, gods, he was so tall, probably an inch taller than Azriel.

"“You don't know what it's like being in love with you. You know, when you and I were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were a perfect fit. And that kind of love, it can change your whole life.”

Gwyn was speechlees. She clumsily stood up and she could've sworn she heard Nesta chuckle. These lines, these lines were Gwyn's favorite when she was a teen. In her room in sangravah, she had these lines written on her walls, so many of them.

For a moment, Gwyn had forgotten Azriel was there, and that was her first mistake. It didn't take Azriel even two seconds to get up and take stefan flying out of the balcony. "Shit shit shit shit shit!" Gwyn muttered to herself.

"What's wrong Gwynnie?" Cassian asked cheekily. "Yeah, is something wrong Gwynnie?" Rhysand joined. "FUCKING DO SOMETHING! HE'S GONNA KILL HIM". "Oh why o why would Azriel do that" Nesta asked.

"NES! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE", And Nesta chuckled. Azriel then flew in while slamming stefan to the ground, stefan was trying to fight but he was failing. Gwyn was smart enough not to go in between them.

After 15 mins of thrashing stefan, Azriel stopped, and said, "You fucking even look at my mate like that, I will fucking kill you, and I swear on my life, that it will not be an easy death."

He then got up and walked towards Gwyn, all of them were trying to contain their laughter but even they were speechless, of course they were, they knew about them but they didn't know that they were mates. Gwyn was well speechless.

She was just gonna start his rant about how he shouldn't have done those things but then Azriel took her hand and said, "I'm sorry" And then Gwyn didn't know what to do. She had prepared a whole speech on how he shouldn't do such shit and now, now she was speechless.

Rhysand then broke the silence, "So... Mates huh?" .

[greatlove-keepsyouguessing]

Day 3: School

As I said at the beginning of my family post, I had a painfully average upbringing and my educational experience was no exception to this. I went through Kindergarten to Grade 3 in one elementary school and then my parents made the wise decision to move us to the other side of town which was just generally a better neighborhood. In my first school, I had lots of friends and I was sort of the “rich-kid” in an area of otherwise less fortunate families, but in retrospect my family was maybe just the least-poor. Everyone wanted to come to my birthday parties, but I don’t think it was so much because I had the hippest Northern Getaway outfits and killer butterfly clips. It probably had more to do with the fact that my mom liked to throw these pretty elaborate birthday parties. My birthday is in December so she had to get creative, and oh boy, did she ever rise to that challenge. One year I had pony rides around our back yard. Yes, I got a pony for my birthday (but not really because he was just rented). Another year I got a pool party at the local community center where the cake melted in the party room and a kid almost drowned. That year was maybe not so great for my awesome party throwing rep. I had a Mad Science party, and if you aren’t familiar with that a person basically comes to your house and teaches you how to make goop and cotton candy and I don’t really know what that has to do with science but it set off the smoke detectors so it was very exciting. I also got a Harry Potter movie theatre party where my parents tried to be shining examples of law-abiding citizens by sneaking us into a double feature but chickened out. By the time I was a pre-teen the elaborate birthday party fund ran dry and I was allowed one friend over for a sleepover with cake and all the snacks we could dream of, but of course I was “too-cool” for those kiddie parties now anyways.

Once I switched schools things got a little more difficult for me. The curriculum was further ahead; I remember I was given a fractions quiz on the first day of school when I hadn’t even seen fractions before that. I also thought it would be a great idea to overhaul my “look” when I started at my new school so for some reason I faked an eye exam so I could get glasses and my mother let me cut my hair short and put two purple streaks in it. My new classmates were ACTUAL rich kids too (no joke, the daughter of the man who co-founded RIM/Blackberry was in my class) and I was now the poorest kid in the class. They turned their noses up at my Northern Getaway outfits and even when I had finally begged my mom to get me the cool expensive Gap sweater that everyone had these kids had already moved on to Campus Crew, and then after that it was all about American Eagle, Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch. From that point forward, I always felt one step behind everyone. I was the new nerdy girl who wasn’t good at math, had an embarrassingly obvious crush on the most popular boy in the class, and who wore Britney Spears concert t-shirts to school (she was my first concert and it was right in between her Oops I Did It Again and Slave 4 U phases, and my mother was completely appalled that she had bought me those tickets for Christmas and exposed her daughter to such sluttery.) I was constantly made fun of and it was such an unfamiliar feeling to me to not have many friends. Of course, I made some at some point but I still felt out of place, like I didn’t belong and that feeling didn’t go away until I entered middle school.

I was reunited with the friends who I had been separated from when I changed elementary schools, and I now felt like I should have twice the amount the friends. It was a whole new world but with all the fresh teenage hormones rolling in and the fight to find your place in the cliques, kids weren’t as kind and welcoming as I thought they’d be. I still struggled with identity and bullying and mean girls and having strict parents when other kids seemed to be able to do whatever they wanted. Grade eight was actually straight out of mean girls. There were three girls who had been friends since they were little and they seemed SO cool to me. They were popular with the boys (for reasons I would learn much later on, but that my pure naïve little mind couldn’t wrap itself around) and it seemed like they were important and they knew secrets and people wanted to be their friends. I HAD to know what that was like and somehow for some reason unbeknownst to me they let me in. It quickly went down-hill and turned into a nightmare of a year that opened my eyes to just how innocent I was, and no matter how much I wanted to seem cool I just wasn’t ready to do the things they deemed cool. Thankfully I had the support of two loving parents and actually a couple incredible teachers who told me that they knew I was better than that situation and that I could potentially ruin my future if I continued down that path. I won’t get into the gritty details but over the course of the year my parents dealt with the family drama of one of the girls which involved the police and child protective services. Suffice it to say, my parents were very happy that those girls wouldn’t end up going to the same high school as I was due to our difference in districts. We went to camp for a week at the end of grade 8 to celebrate the end of middle school and the beginning of high school, and because of all the drama that had happened that year I was left without a group of friends to book a cabin with, so I was placed in what we jokingly (but not that jokingly) called the “reject-cabin”. Let me tell you, finding myself in that cabin was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. That week I reconnected with Amy who I had been friends with at my new elementary school for a hot minute. We became inseparable, and that was also where I connected with Adrienne for the first time (you’ll remember her from my last post about my friends). Making these friends at seemingly the final seconds of middle school made starting high school so much easier than I thought it would be, and I’m grateful that everything that happened that year put me in that perfect situation to meet friends who I would have for the rest of my life.

I remember high school quite fondly actually, which I feel I have to thank my extensive list of extra-curricular activities for. I went in now calling Amy and Adrienne two of my best friends, and they introduced me to their extended friends and just like that, I had a whole group of awesome people to go through the trials and tribulations of grade 9 with. Of course, I went through different phases where I would meet new people and call new girls my best friend every year and immerse myself in different groups of people to try to find my perfect place, but Amy and Adrienne were always a constant. Katrina came into the picture about half way through high school – once I stopped hating her for seemingly having everything I wanted but couldn’t achieve. My studies weren’t something I stressed about anymore. In middle school we all sort of got back on a level playing field and I found my sea legs again and went back to being my perfection seeking straight-A self, so I focused more on being as involved as I could and striving for popularity. I was involved in 4 different choirs at one point and I was also cast in a musical, 2 plays, was a member of the student council, radio crew and even tried to run for co-president which was mildly mortifying since I was the youngest and least experience candidate and was basically laughed off the stage. I participated in every charity event the school hosted, went to every dance, and at my school that was cool thing to do. You know in 22 Jump Street when Channing Tatum in all confused because the cool kids are super involved in school and study hard to get into a good college… that’s what my high school felt like. We had cliques like every other school but there wasn’t a lot of drama. Cliques really kept to themselves and stuck to what they were good at, and didn’t involve themselves in other clique’s drama. Looking back on it now, I do remember being bullied pretty severely when anonymous cyber bullying first became a thing and that was really difficult; something that actually still affects me to this day, but is part of what makes me who I am. I fought with my friends and even thought I lost them at one point when I became enthralled in my first love and all of the new experiences that come with that. You’re figuring out who you are, who you want to be and the path you should take in life and it’s not as fun of a time when you’re in it, but I’m happy that I can look back on it now and remember all of the amazing memories and friends I made through it, and realize that the good really did outweigh the bad in the end. I know that I’m extremely lucky to have had the high school experience that I did because even my sister who went to the same high school right after I did wasn’t as fortunate.

Well that’s not all for school because I did spend four years in university and a year in college but that will be for my next post where I will talk about the special friends I made there and my first crack at sort-of adulting.

Until next time!

[nutellaoutofthejarwithaspoon]

Crying, Yelling, and Loving

A few weeks ago I was at an impromptu breakfast with some of my mom friends. We talked about the usual stuff like what kinds of tantrums our kids were throwing this month and what our dream pergola would look like...you know, the usual mom chatter. But then something beautiful happened. The chatter stopped and we started sharing some pretty personal stuff with each other. And since these were not childhood friends but new friends that I’ve made, I’m learning more and more about them every single day. And you know that moment when you think you know what somebody is all about and kind of make up a story about them in your head and then they go ahead and surprise the crap out of you? Well, that’s what I’m talking about.  We all started sharing some intimate details from our younger years and all of a sudden we’re all in tears. It was the kind of breakfast that you couldn’t plan even if you wanted to. It felt like a therapy session and junior high sleepover all wrapped up into one. Despite all of the tears and all of the waitstaff that we made feel uncomfortable, we all left feeling pretty amazing and even more bonded. Because having these unfiltered and raw talks with people who you know aren’t judging you always makes you feel better and more connected. But although I was feeling great, there was one thing that kept bothering me for the rest of the day. At some point during that breakfast, each one of the woman talked about how she felt like she was failing her kids in some way. That she wasn’t doing a good enough job. And unfortunately, this seems to be a a recurring theme in all of my mom friend circles.

I could write a whole blog post on why I think this is such an epidemic. Actually, I think I might have a few years ago? We can blame it on social media and Pinterest and the unrealistic standards that we think are placed upon us. But I have come to really understand that all of that doesn’t matter at all. Not one bit.

Your children don’t care about any of that stuff, did you know that? I’ve been a stay at home mom since the day my six year old was born but the majority of my friends were working moms. For six years, I have been listening to them talk about how much guilt they have about it. So much guilt. And although I can not put myself in their shoes, I can put myself in their children’s shoes. I grew up as a child who had two working parents. Immigrant parents who were trying to live the American dream in a country where they didn’t speak the language, have any family, or any connections. They were grateful for the jobs they were able to get and knew that they needed to hold on to them for dear life. Missing a day or even an hour of work wasn’t an option. So when second grade rolled around and I decided to perform a gymnastics routine for The Mother’s Day Talent Show, I clearly remember asking my mom if she would be there at 1 pm to watch. She said she would try but that it would all depend on how heavy the workload was that day and who her supervisor was. So at 1 pm when my teacher announced my name and I stood up in front of my peers and their mothers, I remember scanning the audience and looking for my mother’s face. I performed my routine knowing she wasn’t there. 

I tell this story not for the “oh woe is me” effect. I tell it because this is not what I think of when I think of my mother. My mother passed away over three years ago and I have not spent even one second thinking about the ways in which she failed me. I understood, even as a child, why she couldn’t be at my school that day. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t bummed about it, I was. But I knew that if it was possible for her to be there, she would have been. My mother wasn’t perfect. Far from it, actually. She rarely got on the floor and played with me and never once did a craft project. There was not one playdate that she ever planned or hosted and she wasn’t friends with any of my friend’s moms. No field trips were chaperoned and there was definitely no PTA involvement. By today’s standards, she would most be labeled as a #momfail. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

My mother may not have been the poster child for mother of the year but she provided me with so much love and support that even after three years of not being on this earth, I am still fueled by it. I feel her love and support every single day. When life gets crazy and I don’t know how I’m going to get through it, it’s her voice in my head telling me to keep going. It’s her love that warms my heart during my saddest days. 

Growing up, my mother yelled a lot. Like, a lot. Especially in the morning, not unlike most of the moms I know. She got easily frustrated with me and we would butt heads often. Not unlike my daughter and I do. Again, do you think I have spent even one second since she’s been gone thinking about that? Nope. But I have spent lots and lots of time thinking about just how lucky I was to have her in my life as long as I did. For thirty-five years I felt immensely loved by her. Even through all of the yelling and disagreements, I always knew that she was my biggest supporter. And as her life in America became less stressful and as I got older, there was never a time I looked into the audience of one of my band or pom pon performances and didn’t see her face in the crowd. There was nobody else in the world that would be more excited about the things that I was doing or the things I was accomplishing. I could take risks in my life because I knew that my family would always be there to catch me if need be. I mean, is there any better gift that you can give your children? The gift of knowing that they are unconditionally loved and supported? This is why I say that all of the other bullshit that floats around your head making you doubt your value as a mother is just that - bullshit.

So here I am as a mother myself now. I made the choice to be a stay at home mom and it’s been really interesting to see things from a different perspective. My daughter only knows me as the person who has been at her beck and call her whole life. And what do I get from her? I get her screaming with crocodile tears about how she doesn’t get to go to after care at school. About how she’s missing out on all the fun. There’s a part of me that wants to lecture her. Tell her how I was in before care and after care every single day. And how when I got sick at school my neighbor had to come pick me up and then I was home alone until my parents got home from work. But even if I tell her the story, she’ll never understand. Because kids will be kids. And no matter if you’re a working mom or a stay at home, they’re going to complain about something. They’re brats and so were we. But I promise promise promise that this isn’t the kind of stuff that your kids will hate you for later in life. Not if you’re loving these children with every ounce of your being, like I know most of you are. 

I wish I could go back to that morning at breakfast and shake each of my friends that was crying about not doing a good enough job. I want to scream in their face that they are amazing and if only they could see what I see. But apparently crying AND screaming in restaurants is frowned upon. So instead I write this post and hope that they read it and feel better. That they can shut off some of those silly thoughts and remember that they’re doing all the important things right. And that screaming “I SAID GET YOUR SHOES ON WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL” in the morning doesn’t erase any of that.