#as a child i NEVER got sick-- not even when I Was outside in forty(F) degree weather without a jacket.

[xoxoavenger]

Steve’s Problem

pairing: Steve Harrington x SingleMom!Reader

summary: Everyone knows Steve loves kids. It’s not a problem until he meets Eddie’s hot neighbor who has the cutest kid Steve’s ever seen.

word count: 3838

warnings: single mom reader

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The first time Steve noticed her, it was dark. She was outside of the trailer neighboring Eddie's, her lighter illuminating her face as she lit the cigarette in between her lips. Steve couldn't help but try and see her features, the dark outline of her body on the trailer steps. The light was gone all too soon, not that it mattered, since Robin had shoved him slightly.

"You're holding up the group, Dingus!" She yelled, and Steve watched the girl look up at them, smoke blowing out of her mouth. Steve quickly looked away, walking a bit faster to Eddie's now open trailer. Robin and Nancy followed him in, putting the snacks and the frozen pizza down on the small counter surface.

"Steve staring at the hot neighbor?" Eddie asked as he sorted through the bags, trying to find the VHS that was buried somewhere.

"Oh definitely." Robin answered as Steve said, "She could have been, like, forty, for all I know. I didn't see her face."

"She's not forty." Eddie let out a chuckle, giving Steve a look. Ever since Nancy had undoubtedly shut him down forever and fully committed to Jonathan, Eddie had tried to give Steve advice, trying to get him a wife and not just a date. Steve took his advice with a grain of salt, because Eddie was the one who told him Nancy was still in love with him while she was dating Jonathan.

"Again, didn't see her face. I was just curious." Steve shrugged, watching Nancy and Robin raise their eyebrows at each other. Steve wanted to groan and stomp his feet like a child, because he was so sick of everyone being so involved in his love life.

"Just wait till the morning. She's a real looker." Eddie threw him a wink as he grabbed the VHS, running to the small TV shoved in the corner. Steve's parents had been home since the 'earthquakes' that shook Hawkins, so his house was out of the selection for their movie night. Steve had been spending all his time in between everyone else's houses, because he couldn't stand his parents constant nagging and talks about leaving. He had told them before going to Eddie's that he would rather live in the shed out back than move anywhere with them, to which they both rolled their eyes. His father had told him that he hoped that 'stupid video store you just had to work at' wasn't destroyed, because Steve was on his way to being completely cut out. Steve had just walked out to his car, wishing he could afford to never come back to his lonely house.

"Are you sure your TV works?" Nancy asked, watching Eddie smack the side of it. No picture showed up, so Eddie hit it a couple more times while Robin groaned.

"We should have just endured my stupid house. It's not like it smells much worse than Eddie's." She complained. Her house always reeked of weed, her parents major suppliers in Hawkins. Robin had already began to look for apartments with Steve, knowing her parents were ready to leave the scene as well.

"Even the kids would have been worth it at mine." Nancy commented, causing Eddie to take a deep breath.

"Shut up!" He yelled, silencing them. He gave a final knock on the TV, and miraculously the movie was suddenly playing on the screen. The group cheered, grabbing their snacks and sitting squished on the couch as they intently watched the movie. They had only made it half an hour when there was a knock on the door.

"I got it." Eddie groaned, as if this wasn't his trailer. The rest just continued watching the movie.

"Eddie," The girl on the side said when the man opened the door. That made the trio on the couch immediately snap their heads to the open door, which was blocking their view of Eddie and his visitor. What girl was at the trailer this late? Steve checked his watch, and okay, it was only eleven, but still, he was sure that Eddie didn't have a girlfriend. He was actually pretty sure Eddie wasn't completely into girls, but Robin had told him that no matter how much they both got that vibe, they were not to ask Eddie.

"Y/N," Eddie greeted. The three on the couch looked at each other, but none of them seemed to recognize the name. "What can I do for ya?" Steve wanted to groan, because why couldn't they just watch the movie?

"Do you have any milk?" The girl - Y/N - asked, sounding tired and embarrassed. Eddie sighed, walking back into the trailer.

"I take it James isn't happy?" Eddie questioned, going to his fridge. Y/N stepped in, looking a bit nervous.

"Nope." Y/N shook her head, and Steve made an educated guess that this was Eddie's hot neighbor. She was definitely a looker, as Eddie said, but she looked dissolved. Her hair was piled on her head, her shirt loose and stained. She was wearing sweatpants and no shoes, and Steve wondered who the hell James was and why he wasn't happy. "Fucker even tried to hit me-" Y/N didn't get the rest out before Steve was standing.

"Woah!" He yelled, startling Y/N, who he assumed hadn't realized him and the girls on the couch. "Who the hell is hitting you?" Steve didn't even know this girl, but he knew that abuse was a serious problem, even if no one ever did anything about it.

"My child," She deadpanned, looking at him with wide eyes. He blinked, because of all the people he thought James could be - her brother, dad, stepdad, uncle, boyfriend - child had never crossed his mind. She couldn't be much older than Steve, and so far none of his friends had even had a pregnancy scare. Except Carol, right before his fall from grace, but it was more a joke than an actual problem she had to deal with.

Steve suddenly felt like a normal adult. His past experiences with the Upside Down, having to be the protector while being friends with children had made him feel pulled apart, like a kid who had gotten his youth stolen. But Y/N's casual mention of having a child, of needing milk to feed a human being that she was responsible for not because she had accidentally gotten caught up in a super natural disaster, it made his head spin.

He sat, his cheeks burning. His ears rang as he watched Y/N grab the milk from Eddie and quickly run out the door, back to her trailer.

"A looker, right?" Eddie teased as he sat back down.

"She has a kid," Steve numbly whispered, and Eddie just shrugged.

"I thought you wanted a bunch of kids." Robin elbowed him, and he elbowed her back.

"She's probably taken, dumbass. She can't make a baby on her own." Steve tried to focus back in on the movie, but he had missed too much and now had no clue what was going on.

"Deadbeat dads are all the rage, nowadays." Eddie muttered, and Steve just rolled his eyes.

"There's no way her baby daddy left her." He scoffed, and Nancy just sighed.

"A lot of guys aren't ready for that commitment." She licked her lips as she debated saying something else. "Of course the man gets a choice."

"Her son is the cutest." Eddie sat back on the couch, grabbing a handful of chips and shoving them in his mouth. "If I were his dad, I would never be able to leave him." Why did that make Steve want to see him more?

"Does she come over often?" Steve asked, trying to be nonchalant.

"Steve just wants a head start on that Harrington brood." Robin teased, which made Steve's cheeks heat up.

"I just met her!" Steve cried out, tired of the relentless teasing.

"I'll invite her over soon. Sometime when the three of you can get to know each other." Eddie winked, and Steve just rolled his eyes.

"I hate you all." Steve sat back, arms crossed and pouting like a child.

"I bet you do." Eddie said simply.

~

It was only a week before Steve saw Y/N again.

He heard a scream, one that definitely belonged to a child. He turned to see Y/N, baby James in one arm, wet clothes in the other. Steve had gone to Eddie's to pick up Dustin and any of the other kids who needed a ride from the club that had continued in Eddie's backyard.

"No, we can't hold those," He heard Y/N patiently say, trying to wrestle the fabric out of his small hands. He let out another scream, flailing his arms. "If you would just let go, this could be done much quicker." She explained in a soft voice, using her hand to try and pry his fingers from what he now realized was a bra.

"Hey," Steve was calling out, running over to her before he could even think. "Do you need help?" He asked, looking anywhere but the bra that Y/N and James were fighting over.

"Yes," He had meant that he was going to help hang her bra, and the rest of her clothes in the basket laying on the grass, but she simply handed him the baby without a second thought.

"Oh," He said under his breath as he took the small child in his arms. James was probably about a year old, give or take a few months. Once Y/N had both her hands free, she quickly rid James' hand of the bra strap and hung it up. She went back to the basket, grabbing another article of clothing and hanging it.

"I know you meant the clothes," She said, not even looking at Steve as she worked. He looked at James, the two of them staring at each other. "But honestly I needed a break from holding him and I don't want you touching my panties." She smirked as he finally snapped his head to her.

"How did you know I wouldn't," He couldn't finish the sentence, because really, what else would he have done if he had been given a baby.

"I've seen you at Eddie's picking up his weird little kids plenty of times." She confided, going back to the laundry basket and moving further down the line. "I didn't know you'd be that good with a baby, though." She paused to smile at Steve holding James, who was just staring at the older man with lips parted and wide eyes.

"I'm just holding him." Steve muttered, but he flushed at the fact that Y/N thought he was good with her baby.

"And he hasn't made a peep since you've had him." She returned to her work with a satisfied smile on her face. He looked down at James, watching him hit Steve'schest and let out a small scream. Steve furrowed his brows.

"That's nice." Steve muttered, shifting to hold James more comfortably. James began to babble, hand grabbing Steve's shirt and shaking his small fist, pulling Steve's shirt away. "Oh really?" He asked, acting like James was saying the most interesting thing. James opened his mouth in a scream, making Steve raise his eyebrows. James threw his head back and then went forward, his mouth landing on Steve's shoulder, a couple small teeth digging into Steve's shoulder.

"James!" Y/N had just finished hanging the laundry when she looked over to see James holding tight to Steve's shirt, gnawing on his shoulder. She went to grab the baby, who screamed as she tried to grab him.

"It's okay," Steve said, thumb rubbing the back of James' onesie. He was enjoying holding James, enjoying the feel of the small baby in his arms. "It's fine, honestly. I need to do laundry anyways."

"He's teething, so it's been difficult." Y/N said, sighing as she went over to grab the laundry basket. "Do you wanna come in? I made some cornbread, and I need someone to taste test it." She's inviting him in. The most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on was inviting him in. He was holding her baby, who was drooling all over the shoulder of his shirt.

"I have to pick up my," His words drifted off, and not only because he wasn't sure what to call Dustin. His best friend? His brother? He wasn't sure. He was also thinking about all the times that Dustin was annoying, all the things he could say to excuse the fact that he was going to be so late to pick him up. Dustin wiping his shoes on the inside of his car, arguing with him for no reason, calling him dumb and making fun of everything Steve chose to do, jumping over the counter and knocking down all the tapes Steve had just stacked.

Of fucking course he was going to taste test her cornbread. Dustin could wait for a couple minutes.

"Actually, I love cornbread." He said, walking forward to open the door to her trailer for her. He held James tightly in his other arm, but the kid was koala gripping him.

"Steve!" He heard as Y/N walked through the door. He turned, James still in his arms, and saw Dustin walking from around the back of Eddie's trailer. They must have finished.

That little shit.

Steve gave him a look, one that said fuck off, and then walked all the way into the trailer.

~

"Does Steve have a kid?" Dustin asked. He was half joking, because he was pretty sure he would know if Steve had a kid. But Steve was holding that baby, who was gripping his shirt like his life depended on it, and then walked into the trailer after a girl. He had even given Dustin the special fuck off look that he only used when he was flirting with girls.

"Not that I'm aware of." Eddie smirked, cleaning up the table. Nancy had picked Will and Mike up as soon as they were done, Lucas went across the street to Max's, and the older members of the Hellfire Club had gone inside Eddie's trailer to get a beer. Erica and Dustin were supposed to go home with Steve.

"He just walked into that trailer holding a baby." Dustin pointed at the trailer next to Eddie's, and other two looked over.

"Oh, that's Y/N's." Eddie said, going back to cleaning. "It was probably her baby." As if that would explain everything.

"Why was Steve holding it then?" Erica asked, arms crossed in her sassy way.

"Do I look like a mind reader?" Eddie sighed, stuffing everything into his bag and then looking at the kids. "Look, she's a nice girl. Really hot. Let Steve get to know her a bit while you go to Max's." He didn't want them at his trailer, because the second he was inside he would be lighting a blunt.

"And watch her and Lucas suck face?" Dustin complained. He was sure he'd rather barge in on Steve and Y/N.

"Yes." Eddie glared at Dustin, somehow knowing where his train of thought was going. "If I see you walk into Y/N's trailer, you're going to sit a watch through the entirely of the next campaign." He threatened. Steve was his friend, and he knew that Y/N and him would get along. He just needed to make sure the two's selfless attitudes didn't get in the way. Steve would do anything for these kids, and Eddie knew that even if he grumbled about it Steve would let Dustin crash his date. Eddie also knew that Y/N would never even think about going on a date without her baby.

Shit. Eddie was going to have to babysit sometime.

"Okay, okay," Dustin raised his hands, clearly getting the memo.

"You don't go into that trailer!" Eddie yelled at them, walking into his trailer. "Don't even look at it!" Dustin flipped him off as him and Erica walked to Max's trailer.

"He looked so at home with that baby," Erica muttered as they crossed the road.

"He's gonna fall in love." Dustin sighed.

~

"It's my mom's recipe." Y/N muttered as she put on oven mitts and opened the oven, grabbing the tin out of the oven. "She made it the night I found out I was pregnant." Y/N smiled slightly, a sad kind of smile. As Steve looked around the small trailer, he realized it was filled with mostly baby stuff. There were no pictures hanging, no decorations. There was a pile of baby clothes on the couch, a small stack of baby books and a half full bucket of toys.

"It smells amazing." Steve said, letting the sweet bread fill his senses. He watched Y/N cut the bread out of the tin and put it on a plate, and then cut two pieces. She began to butter the bread, and then James pulled on his shirt, screaming.

"James loves cornbread." Y/N said, grabbing the plate with the cornbread pieces and putting it on the counter. "You can put him in the high chair right there." She pointed at the high chair that was next to the counter, and Steve gently put the baby in. Knowing he was going to get fed, James let go of Steve and gave an excited noise, one that made Steve's heart melt even if he hadn't known the kid for that long.

"Your mom makes the best cornbread." Steve said as he took a bite. It crumbled around his lips, and there was a little too much butter, but the bread was amazing. It could have been burnt and he would have said that it was the best thing that's ever touched his tastebuds.

"Oh, I think he knows." Y/N laughed, breaking off some of her cornbread and putting it on James' tray. So many thoughts were going through Steve's head.

Where is James' father? What kind of idiot leaves not only the most beautiful girl but also the cutest child? Where are her parents? Did they leave her? What kind of parent leaves their child?

He asked none of this, because that would be wrong. But as he realized he had to leave, telling Y/N he had to pick up the kids, one question stuck with him.

Was he ready to date a girl with a kid?

~

"Dustin thought James was your kid." Eddie told Steve a couple days later.

"You're joking." Steve said, taking a sip of his beer. He seriously couldn't believe Dustin actually thought that.

"No," Eddie smirked, taking a hit. He checked the clock, because his master plan had to come into action.

"That kid." Steve shook his head.

"Speaking of kids," Eddie said slyly, knowing that Y/N and Nancy and Robin would be at his trailer soon. "I invited Y/N tonight." Steve almost spit his beer out.

"Nice," Steve said through his coughs. "And she's bringing James?" Steve wanted her to bring James, because his heart melted every time she looked at her baby with so much love.

Shit, he's only met this girl two times and he has feelings already.

"No, no, Max is supposed to babysit." Eddie smirked, because he had come up with this master plan. Steve just nodded, which made Eddie confused because he had done this so that Y/N and Steve could have alone time.

"That's nice of Max." Steve said. Before he could say anything else, Robin was rushing into Eddie's trailer, filling the space with her happiness and her excited nature.

"I've got us the best movie!" She yelled, Nancy following with a smile. "It's new, so new I'm surprised they had it!" She was shoving the movie into Steve's face, and he just smiled and shook his head.

"Wow," He told her, letting her fall partially on top of him and begin babbling about it.

"Remember when we were drugged and we went-"

"You were drugged?" Nancy questions, her and Eddie giving each other a look of shock.

"-movie theater and watched that one movie about that guy who went back in time and fell in love with his mom but that meant he would never exist-"

"Hold on," Nancy tries to stop Robin's rant, but it seems she's not listening.

"-had to make sure his parents fell in love and then he came back to the present - oh! It was called Back to the Future! That was it! Yeah, so this movie is the second one." Robin held up the VHS case, and they all just stared at her.

"Based on that alone, I don't think I want to watch the second movie." Eddie finally let out a chuckle, taking a sip of his beer.

"Can we back up a minute?" Nancy asked, blinking rapidly as a sign of her head churning. "You two were drugged? And then you went to the movies and watched this movie?"

"They seriously made a second part to that shit?" Steve swears he told Nancy about this, so he doesn't answer her.

"Is there anyway we can back the fuck up?" Eddie asks, but before Robin or Steve can explain the door slams open and a baby is crying.

"Max is sick and James won't stop crying so I was wondering if you have ice? We go through ours so quickly and I think he's teething." Y/N rushes out. They all stare, except for Steve who gets up and goes to Eddie's freezer, grabbing ice.

"Don't they make toys for this?" He asks the tired mother, who's eyes look ready to droop at any moment.

"I live in a trailer park, city boy. Ice works fine, as long as we hold it against his gums so he doesn't choke." Y/N says, taking the ice from Steve and holding it to her baby's mouth. He stops screaming and looks at the group with wide eyes.

"You look tired." Eddie raises his beer to her, and she rolls her eyes.

"I think teething is worse than newborn stage." She tells the group, sighing as James puts a tiny hand to her wrist and sucks on the ice.

"You should rest." Steve takes James from Y/N's arms, holding the ice to his gums. She smiled gratefully and kissed James' head.

"Thank you so much, Steve." She way she whispered his name made his heart race. She leaned up and kissed his cheek before walking to the bedroom, not caring about the fact that it was Eddie's.

"Oh, Steve's a goner." Robin said softly so that Y/N couldn't hear when she shut the door.

"He's been a goner ever since he set eyes on her." Eddie smirked, but Steve was staring at James, who was sucking on Steve's fingers that held the ice and looking up at him with the biggest eyes Steve has ever seen. He cannot imagine a world where someone would give this kid up. This sweet, cute baby who Steve already loved.

"Head over heels." Nancy smirked, and Steve finally looked up at them.

"I have a problem." He muttered, eyes wide.

"Ya think?" Robin smirked.

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @roxaya @sadbitchfangirl @gloryekaterina @oblivion-void @alexshaff2002 @m-rae23 @freezaz123 @mads-weasley 

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

And on TODAY’S episode of “RHS overanalyzes every little detail about Raven’s existence”....

If Raven’s soul-self protects her from pathogenic illness, and she doesn’t just have A Serious Immune System: it’s an astral protection, somehow. Through some mysterious mechanism, Raven’s soul-self (specifically named as the functional component in this mechanism) prevents “disease” from affecting her.

Yet also canonically doesn’t protect her from the pains she absorbs, or the effects of a bad drug trip. She can’t “absorb” a “disease” from someone else.

Conclusion: it’s specifically Illness-Causing Microorganisms it protects her from, exclusively those In Her Own Body Only.

So I started wondering: What about her gut flora?

Like, you know: natural microorganisms? The built-in bacteria that help with digestion, immune health, stress tolerance, inflammation, and probably a whole lot more we just haven’t discovered yet?

I mean, I’m the fucking adult Poster Child for it, but empaths are Known to Have Digestive Struggles when they’re overwhelmed / not grounding / generally just Being Empaths Around Other People. She probably needs all the good gut health she can get.

But anyways, how does the whole “my soul-self protects me from illness” thing work? Because obviously it doesn’t indiscriminately kill microrganisms or cells. 

Obviously, she has a human digestive system (she does eat, and she does canonically have Blood Type O, which Requires Intestinal Digestion to carry nutrients.)

I mean, arguably you could say demons don’t need gut flora. 8F But even cats and dogs are known to need healthy gut flora. (It’s a Big Thing in modern veterinary studies lately. Also a commonly-prescribed treatment for recurrent digestive distress.) Herbivores are known to need A Lot More gut flora to help break down plant matter (and she IS vegetarian in the 80′s comics), so she can’t rely entirely on digestive enzymes and juices.

How does an astral form discern Healthy Cells from Invading Cells?

Does she get sick if she gets a transfusion of A/B/AB blood types? Is Raven immune to germs in ALL regions, planets, and dimensions? Food poisoning? What about bad cellular developements in her own body? Nerve damage? Autoimmune disorders? Cancer?

As far as my personal headcanon goes: Yes, she’s immune to all of that. Her body IS in a human shape; though she DOES exist separately, her body and soul are STILL both connected parts of her. If her soul gets corrupted, so does her body. If her body gets corrupted, so does her soul. Obviously, they’re connected. And canoically: her soul protects her body. And what is her soul? “The part of her that is Trigon.” So: Her soul comes from an interdimensional conqueror, and obviously he couldn’t be stopped by a bacteria from another dimension crippling him for life. So by hereditary necessity: she has a more ferocious immune system that conquers a wider, stronger range of bodily invaders.

Really, the only reason humans get “sick” is WAY more from our own immune response than what the germs ACTUALLY do to our bodies. Fever, whole slews of digestive issues, body aches, sweating and chills-- they’re all caused by our brain going, “this doesn’t belong here. We’re going to try getting rid of it! INCREASE THE TEMPERATURE; kill it with fire! Increase bloodflow, thus bringing in more troops to kill it! Increase sleep to batten down our energy reserves!” You know: The things we identify as “getting sick”. It’s actually our own body doing that. The only invaders that ACTUALLY make us sick are internal parasites eating our food and causing malnutrition, microbes that cause nerve damage (and even that’s more often caused by High Fever than directly from microbes), and viruses like rabies that actually alter the way neurology and brain functions work. Most of our Symptoms are just from the way OUR BODIES REACT to microbes, not caused by the microbes themselves!!

So what I’m saying is, maybe Raven doesn’t “get sick” because her immune system JUST “destroys” the invader, without her brain centers going, “there’s A Disease here, so we’re going to try killing it by inflaming the area, raising the body temp, and generally making the body feel gross”. She doesn’t have that in her DNA. Maybe it doesn’t take a lot of energy to destroy the invaders for her. Or maybe it takes more to do it without the help from Brain Stuff-- but it gets that energy from her immense astral reserves rather than her body.

I mean, if the girl can teleport between dimensions, suck neurological signals (pain and inflammation) into herself and basically force someone else’s body to Stop Experiencing That and Feel Better, channel the power of both Trigon and a thousand souls plus an almost-goddess through her body, and generally defy physics in a great many mystical ways? She’s got a LOT of energy.

A little thing like “destroy 1-20 microscopic cellular or viral things that Are Recognized by The Body as Don’t Belong There” doesn’t seem so far-fetched. Hell, regular HUMANS are capable of that; we just have bodies that Give Us Symptoms because it takes us a goddamn 1-14 days to do!

What I’m saying is, I think her immune system is Magically Enhanced and her neurology is Different, so it’s probably doing all the same Recognition and Identification of Intruders that our regular immune systems do. Just, super buffed up so it’s faster and doesn’t require Fever or Inflammation to do it.

This is one of those things i’m Kinda Burning to ask Marv Wolfman about, but on the other hand, Suspension of Disbelief is a thing.I’m just, yeah, hi medical student here, and a Curious one at that........

[beneathashadytree]

hello, i’m submitting for machine since they don’t have a tumblr

they want prompts 5 and 36 from angst with diego brando !

tysm once again 🥺🥺

MOTHER DEAREST - DIEGO BRANDO X READER

Warnings : fever-induced delirium, grieving, reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : angst (with a bit of fluff)

Word count : 1.2K words

Prompts : "I wish mom were here." and "Could you hold me, just for a few minutes?"

Additional notes : I'm really sorry, but I haven't even read halfway through Steel Ball Run; that's why I usually don't write for SBR characters 😭 So far I haven't known much about Diego, so to avoid mischaracterization, I made him sick here. The prompts didn't fit a drabble, so I had to write a whole fic. I hope you like it despite all of this😭

Check out my 1K+ Followers Event if you want to request!

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Masterlist

Though everyone had turned a mocking eye towards them near the start of the race for "taking something so impractical with them on such a long and perilous race", they now thanked the heavens and everything good for having packed a medical thermometer along in their traveling bag, carefully wrapped in linen and stuffed into its plastic case. It was a bit of a hassle to carry around; true, but at the very least, with Diego currently flitting between consciousness every few minutes, it proved to be their luckiest decision yet.

The blonde's cyan eyes barely-open and fluttering half-shut every now and then, his golden hair was matted against his forehead with prespiration. Visibly having difficulty breathing, his chest was heaving up and down, and with every inhale came a terrifying rattling sound from inside his chest cavity. To say that he was sick was an understatement, and his feverish state left him perpetually flushed for hours on end.

Their worry never lessening for a minute, their fingers pruned up as they'd gathered pails from the river outside the barn they were currently staying at, soaking and wringing an old shirt of his, lightly patting him down in an attempt to cool his temperature.

"It's inching closer to forty degrees," they quietly said, half to him and half to them (though, with the hazy film covering his eyes, they were sure he must've been a little delirious), sighing as they didn't know what to do when they were out un the North American desert like that.

Diego's skin glimmered with a sheen of sweat, and though he'd been stripped of his shirt in hopes of countering his stickiness, he was shivering and they could almost hear his teeth chattering. His dry lips smacked once or twice in his delirium, before his croaky voice attempted to call their name, having just woken up from a few more minutes of unconsciousness. Attentive to his every move, they leaned in, indicating that they were listening keenly as he tried to whisper something, though no sound came out.

"Didn't catch that, sorry," they gave him a kind smile, one that was responded to with a thick swallow and another attempt to articulate.

They strained their ears, as he whispered, voice as rough as sandpaper, breathing heavily, "I wish... mom were here."

Their words got stuck in their throat, suddenly finding it hard to swallow. It hurt hearimg those words that he spoke, so small and fragile, though he wouldn't remember a word of it the following day. Any other day, he would've called this version of himself pathetic, but all they thought it was was heartbreaking. Vulnerability etched in his unconscious words, he sounded like a child begging for affection he'd long missed out on.

The jockey who'd given himself the moniker Dio was never one to speak of his past---or bring up anything related to himself, for that matter. If it wasn't a prideful comment, he saw no reason to reveal anything about himself, and his desire to shine in this Steel Ball Run and steal the winning title made that personal rule of his all the more important. Not even to them had he talked about what had happened to his mother.

But as everyone knew, word spread around fast. It never mattered that he was a British young jockey, never mattered that he was especially keen to veer away from the public eye, never mattered that he only focused on his athleticism; it only made his story all the more interesting to the waiting eyes and ears, begging to know more. Rumors traveled quickly, and soon some version of the story of his past had been settled upon---and what a tragic one it had been. They could still remember the tug in their chest and the gasp they'd made when they'd heard of it, having never expected the Diego with such a hardened shell to have suffered so much so silently.

In the small barn where their words ricocheted against the shattered plywood, they couldn't help but sigh, a fleeting look of sympathy (that they knew Diego would've hated had he been clear-headed) crossing their eyes. Floundering for a few moments, not really knowing what to say and trying to carefully choose the right words to soothe the ache he'd revealed to have been harboring.

"I'm sure she wishes the same," they softly said, blinking back tears they hadn't noticed were forming.

In a child-like way, Diego's bottom lip jutted forward a little bit, pouting in his fever-induced haze, "Then why isn't she here?"

"I," swallowing thickly, they looked down at their lap, shifting their position on their knees, "I don't know, Dio. I'm sure she has no choice."

A bitter look formed on his sweaty face, turning away on the makeshift pillow of stale hay. Silence blanketed the two, the only sound being that of them diligently trying to gently wash his burning skin with the damp shirt-towel, trying their best to avoid infecting any barely-closed-up wounds on his shoulders and chest.

As they did, he visibly shivered once again, his fever definitely making him feel a hundred times colder than it was in the early October afternoon. The sun streaming through the splintered wood should've been enough to grant him some warmth, but in this state, even his nails were turning blue.

They felt increasingly exasperated. Out on the road with nothing but the few supplies they had, it was nearly impossible to take care of someone so gravely sick---let alone Dio, who looked like he clearly had a weaker immunity than most people; he probably had been a sickly child. Nevertheless, they continued to tend to him tirelessly, even as he pouted to the run-down wall.

Some while later, his scratchy voice spoke up again, the words hard to make out, "Can I... ask something of you?

They tilted their head to look at him, switching to his other side so they could directly face him, nodding as they took notice of the way his eyes were almost completely shut now; no doubt he thought this was some fever dream and was speaking without any inhibition.

"Of course. What do you want?"

"Could you hold me?" he mumbled, moving his hand underneath his head and curling up underneath their fleece blanket that was just barely covering him, "Just for a few minutes?".

Inhaling sharply, they couldn't hide the surprise from their expression. Truly, his child-like behavior was both alarming and endearing---alarming, because they wondered just how starved of affection he must've been and how well he must've hidden it, and endearing, because having him so openly vulnerable was sweet, in a rather odd way.

Having already thrown caution to the wind long ago, they knew it was more than likely they'd caught whatever he had too; after all, they'd been in close proximity for hours on end, nursing him to the best of their abilities. So they really had no qualms giving in to his request. If it brought the hollowed husk of the man in front of them piece of mind, they'd gladly do it.

"Alright," they softly smiled down at him, "How can I say no to you?"

Taglist: @blondeboyfriend @mrsgiovanna

[typical-simplelove]

I would love 30 with Matt Tkachuk if you haven’t already ☺️

30. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. 

Summary: 4 times Matthew told you he's love you forever since he was a child and 1 time he used those exact words.

A/n: This turned into a mini 4+1, but I'm not even sorry (kind of like Joey when he ate that chocolate cake, iykyk). Enjoy, and my requests are open!

Taglist: @boqvistsbabe @goalision @rmaye @mellany1997 @beauvibaby @heatherawoowoo @petey-patty @barzal-burakovsky @coffee-ontherocks @heaveniish @glassdanse @tkapuckit @stars-canucks (Join my taglist here!)

One

You were sick. You weren’t sure what happened, but somewhere between flying from Calgary to St. Louis, you caught something and got sick. Now, you were sitting in your childhood bedroom with a bucket sitting next to you with a bottle of water at your ready. You had your computer open watching some rerun on Netflix.

After finishing your semester this past spring and the season ending, you and Matthew flew home to St. Louis for the summer. That’s how you ended up here. You were sick and stuck in your bedroom.

You were sitting on your bed ready to watch the next episode of whatever show it was when someone knocked on your door. “Come in?” you say, meekly.

The door opens, and your boyfriend pops his head inside. “May I come in?”

“I’m sick,” you tell Matthew.

“I’m going to take that as a yes,” he tells you and ventures into your bedroom. He settles himself next to you and moves your computer to the side. “I brought you some vegetable soup from that cafe you always liked going to.”

“How did you know?” you say with a smile as you take the container from Matthew’s hands.

“Um, we grew up together?” Matthew suggests.

“Yeah, but like how did you remember?”

Matthew shrugs. “I remember things about the people I love.”

Two

“What did you do on your day off?” you ask Matthew. After the debacle of the summer where you were sick for almost three weeks, you and Matthew were back in Calgary with the start of the new season for Matthew and a new job for you. Matthew came back from a road trip that included a stop in New York.

“Fine,” Matthew mumbles as he nuzzles his face into your neck. “Missed you.”

“I missed you, too, but that doesn’t answer my question.”

“What was your question?” Matthew mumbles and tightens his grip around your waist.

“What did you do on your day off?”

“We went to that art museum you loved when we went a few summers ago.”

“The Met?”

Matthew nods. If possible, he gets closer to you and tightens his grip around you. How he managed to leave you to go on the road was beyond you. Matthew was so extremely clingy that he always had to be touching you. “I got something for you.”

“What is it? Can you show me?”

Matthew groans. He detaches himself from you. “I guess I’ll leave my girlfriend to show her the present I got her.”

“Thank you,” you tell him in the most innocent voice.

Matthew comes back to you and hands you a notebook. He wraps his arms around you and sighs in content now that he’s touching you again. You look at the notebook and gasp. Gracing the cover is your favorite painting. “How did you know, babe?”

Matthew shrugs. “You’ve talked about it forever, I guess.”

You place a kiss on Matthew’s forehead. “Thank you, baby.”

Matthew sighs in content. “You’re welcome.”

You maneuver yourself, so Matthew can have a better grasp on you.

“Now, can you please stop talking, so I can soak in the presence of my girlfriend?”

Three

In all your wildest dreams and fantasies, you never could have imagined that Matthew would be cooking for you. That’s not entirely true. You knew Matthew could cook the absolute staples, but nothing more than that. So, when he told you he was going to cook for you for date night, you were skeptical. You had no idea what to expect.

Matthew told you to take a bath, do a face mask, and just relax. He had everything under control. After about forty-five minutes, you escape the bathroom to go see Matthew. You wrap your arms around him and place kisses on his back. “What’re you making? It smells like home.”

“Home? That’s what I was going for,” Matthew answers.

You step to the side to see what Matthew was cooking. “Matthew!”

“What?” he looks at you concerned. “What did I do wrong?”

“How did you know?”

“I don’t follow.”

“How did you know that this was exactly like home?” In the pot, you saw Matthew cooking your absolute favorite dish that your grandmother would make. The mere smell of it was enough to trigger a muscle memory of going to your grandmother’s house on Sunday afternoons.

Matthew shrugs. “It’s an important part of your childhood and family, so I thought I would try to recreate the memory here.”

You place a kiss on Matthew’s cheek. “Thanks, babe.”

Matthew smiles at you. “You’re welcome. I hope it tastes like it should because I had to call your mother an embarrassing amount of times.”

Four

Matthew was on a two week road trip in the US with the first stop being St. Louis. You tried to get time off from work, but you couldn’t get the time. You sat on your couch the night the Flames played St. Louis in your Tkachuk jersey feeling sad every time the camera panned to the Tkachuk family sitting in the stands. You knew that Matthew knew you were watching in spirit. When the Flames won, you jumped from your seat and cheered. You sent Matthew a congratulatory text for the game. You went to bed that night to an empty bed missing your boyfriend who was back home.

The next day, you came home from work to a package sitting outside your door. You glanced at the package to see it was addressed to you. That was weird. You don’t remember buying any packages. Your next thought was that Matthew bought a package and just put it under your name. You bring the package inside and set it on the counter. You pull out a zapto knife from the utility drawer and cut open the package. You gasp when you see what’s inside. You had to call Matthew immediately. Thankfully, he picks up right away.

“Hey, did you get my package?” he asks you immediately.

“Yeah,” you say excitedly. Inside, Matthew packaged your favorite snacks from back home. “How did you know?”

“More like my mom knew, but I figured I’d just send it to you,” Matthew answers. “But, I do know that they were your favorite growing up.”

“And how do you know that?” you ask teasingly.

“You always ate them whenever you came over because your mother didn’t buy them for you guys,” Matthew answers. “Don’t eat them all, though. Just because they’re your favorite doesn’t mean I don’t like them.”

You laugh. “I promise that there will be some left here when you come home.”

One

“Matthew,” you say softly with tears in your eyes. You were looking down at Matthew down on one knee with a velvet box in his hands.

“Yn, I’ve spent the past eight years of my life showing you how much I love you,” Matthew begins. “I’ve never thought there was ever someone more perfect for me than you. There is no one else that I’d rather spend every single day with. There is no one in this world I’d rather wake up to or come home to. When I close my eyes, you’re all I see. I’ve known you for my entire life, and I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. I know there is no one else for me, so, Yn, will you make me the happiest person ever and marry me?”

You nod enthusiastically. “Of course, I’ll marry you, Matthew. Yes, I’ll marry you!”

Matthew smiles and wraps you into a giant hug. He places a kiss on your lips and grasps you tightly.

“For what it’s worth, I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, too,” you tell Matthew as he slips the ring onto your finger.

“Thank goodness,” Matthew says with a smile. “Can you imagine the story we’d have one day to tell our kids?”

[hannigramficrecs]

A/B/O

The One That Got Away by whatacunningboy [words: 4,694]

Hannibal Lecter had this macabre air to his name. Everyone knew who he was and in what he specialized in—assassination was his trade and no one questioned it. He could make anyone disappear with a simple trick or two. He never missed a target, he was quiet, and swift. Yet, he missed the biggest target of all.

Ethics & Aesthetics by fragile-teacup [words: 106,330]

Pride and Prejudice omegaverse AU

Beginning and Ending by LittleUggie [words: 36,888]

19 year old Will gets cornered in an alley right before his first heat. Hannibal steps into help him out and decides he wants to keep the young omega. Will eventually comes around, against his better judgement. Let the mutual manipulation and power games begin.

I Could Just Eat You Up by orphan_account [words: 32,604] 

Hannibal breeds Will. A love story in bodily fluids.

Sirens Wail by Breakmybones [words: 48,495]

Will has been an Omega since his eighteenth birthday. He's been a Beta since his twenty-third. Finding a mate was never a priority - staying out of the spotlight and keeping his secret was. Enter Hannibal: dark, dangerous and keeping secrets of his own, Will knows what he is from the beginning, but he's more interested in understanding the beast than slaying it.

Bright Hair About The Bone by MissDisoriental [words: 484,669] 

In a world where omegas are little more than trophies to be bought and sold, Will Graham has done the unthinkable by escaping a forced bonding. Already in high demand as a profiler, Will's determined to find freedom on his own terms.For Hannibal Lecter the outlook is far more straightforward: a slow, systematic seduction of the most uniquely captivating omega he's ever encountered.As the shadow of a new and terrifying serial killer falls over Baltimore, the stage is set to redefine all accepted meanings of passion, temptation, horror and beauty – and to discover the ecstasy of a genuine love crime.

Not Interested by Watermelonsmellinfellon [words: 64,333] 

Will Graham, an Omega of forty-four years, finally finds himself interested in an Alpha. The only problem... that Alpha is not interested in him! And he can't stand it!

The Only Place I Can Hold You by snapdragonpop007 [words: 27,865]

“Hello, Jack.” These past two years had not been kind to Will Graham-Lecter. The solitary confinement that Chilton had promised would help had only seemed to make the omega worse. “I was wondering when you were gonna come talk to me.” Will hadn’t looked up from the book in his hands. He was running his fingertips across the pages, and when Jack looked a little closer he could see that it was full of photographs.

Friends To Lovers by Sirenja, TigerPrawn [words: 8,008] 

When Harry Met Sally AU

Consortio by kelex [words: 23,088] 

Every Omega in the land is brought to the lord on the evening of their first heat. Lord Hannibal usually doesn't choose to exercise that right, but this night's offering is too much for him to pass up. A virgin Omega in his first heat, with brown hair, blue eyes, and a spirit that can't be broken.

Sharing A Bed by TigerPrawn [words: 4,150] 

Will, Hannibal, Jimmy and Zeller are sent to Butfuck Nowhere on a case and the small hotel has messed up the booking leaving them with only 2 rooms between the 4 of them. And specifically Omega Will having to share with Hannibal, the only Alpha on the trip.

Stormchaser by YouAreMyDesign [words: 6,465] 

One thing, Hannibal knows absolutely; Will is empty, all the time. He aches to be filled.

Pathology by YouAreMyDesign [words: 14,129] 

In his periphery, Hannibal's head tilts. "Tell me," he purrs, "how exactly does one your age come to enroll in an FBI training facility?"

There Will Be Bells by Entropyrose [words: 36,639] 

In Georgian England, male omegas are very rare diamonds. Baron and Baroness Graham have a plan to build their wealth and social status by offering their son Will's hand in marriage to a mysterious older Duke, an Alpha named Lord Hannibal Lecter. Will's personal feelings need not apply.

Alpha Mart by slashyrogue [words: 63,164] 

Will needs an alpha. After years of fake knots, half-assed suppressants, and his own damn hand during heats he’s reached the end of his rope. He doesn’t do dating so he decides to waste his life savings and hype with the current trend. Alpha Mart.

Enchanted By Your Name by CarnivalMirai [words: 9,207] 

“Now, my husband would prefer it if I got the job done quickly.” He says, slashing down the back of each gag as he passes each man, watching as the silk falls gracefully to the floor. “However, I want to have some fun. Considering you’ve troubled my husband so much… it’s only fair, right?” One of the men whimpered fearfully. Or: The name "Will Graham" is a name you'll only ever hear once.

I've Been Building Black Ships by cloudsarefluffy [words: 8,116] 

Alpha Hannibal moves to the States with his sister Mischa after being overtly done with the fancy life of a count, and his blind omega neighbor gives him an insight into love that he never quite expected.

A Rare Find by hit_the_books [words: 5,379] 

Life as an omega bookseller can be quite lonely. However, as the owner of Graham’s Books, Will Graham is reasonably content. That is until he meets—long-time customer and crush—Doctor Hannibal Lecter in person for the first time. Attraction blossoming between them both, Will agrees to a dinner date with the good doctor.

We All Have a Hunger by 1ntothew1ld [words: 12,260] 

Hannibal will ensure a properly slow and painful death for an alpha who allowed a beautiful young omega to go to waste as this one has. Too skinny for his own good, a stuttering and humble mess. The likes of the omega in front of him belonged at Opera houses and in million-dollar mansions, not scrounging for his next meal. Meek and afraid in some disheveled row house. When he finally looked back up the alpha had to conceal the utter punch to the stomach that meager glance was, blue eyes full of innocence but also hunger.

The Doctor Is In by Kummerspeck7 

Will nearly scoffed. "You can't expect me to believe you'd want anything other than a delicate flower to adorn your side, keep your ostentatious home, bare you the exact number of children you want--No more, no less-- all while being available at your whims." "Not at all." Hannibal disagreed. "I would no more put a wilting flower in my home than in a bouquet given as a gift. Tell me, Will, is that how you are treated? Forbidden from work, cloistered inside and used at Mr Brown's discretion?" "My Alpha's discretion." Hannibal looked pointedly at the curve of Will's neck, free from a single scar. "Not yet he isn't."

Sugar by Sweaty_dogman [words: 12,659] 

Hannibal finds himself hung up on his friends mother, desperate to find ways to spend time with the omega. Will Graham is a beautiful, kind and single omega. The young alpha finds himself struggling to keep his emotions hidden.

No One Falls the Way We Fell by HigherMagic [words: 9,206] 

Five years ago, Hannibal's mate died, leaving him with their young daughter. He's tried to move on, but Abigail keeps interrupting his sleep and insisting that she can see her mother in her room at night. Hannibal turns to Alana for help, and Alana gives Abigail a doll, someone to talk to and help her accept her mother's passing. Once the doll arrives, though, strange things start happening in Hannibal's house. It's impossible to consider, of course, but if anyone could defy death and return to them from beyond the grave, it would be Will.

Proud of You by CarnivalMirai [words: 11,748] 

Will worked right up until labour to make money, through all the sickness and fatigue and swollen ankles, he worked to bring his little boy the best life. And it has paid off. As of last week, Hannibal has sent off his university applications. Medicine at Johns Hopkins, Harvard Medical School, Stanford University, and the University of Pennsylvania. He’s applied for a scholarship at all of them, and Will desperately hopes he gets it. He knows he will. He’s Hannibal, after all. His baby can do anything.

Venus Is Bright by wolfgraham [words: 7,237] 

Tomorrow, he tells himself, tomorrow he'll set new rules, boundaries. He'll tidy up Hannibal's room and give him the talk, and download Matefinder on his phone. But is it so bad? So bad to wish that the world outside the two of them would just disappear and leave them be?

Creator by Caidepgun, wolfgraham [words: 5,589] 

Will and his son, Hannibal, have an unusual relationship.

My First, My Last, My Everything by TheBl00dyFl0wer [words: 14,930]

Will Graham's encephalitis gets out of control and messes with his hormones, mutates him. May I present: Will Graham, the first known Omega.

Room 205 by HotMolasses [words: 9,220] 

Will is an Alpha, but in name only. He's a hotel maid at the Graham Bed & Breakfast. He considers himself a freak; an Alpha with no knot, who dreams of a powerful Omega to dominate him. He's pretty certain that because of this, he'll be alone for the rest of his life. Then he meets Hannibal Lecter.

Howl by multifandom_fanfic_writer [words: 7,083] 

When omegas go into heat, they go feral. Only an alpha strong enough to subdue them is a worthy mate. Will Graham has never found anyone worthy. After all, there is only one alpha Will plans to submit to – and he doesn’t even know their name.

Careful, He Bites by maxxeoff [words: 10,328] 

Will Graham is a feral child. His dad died when he was five, and he lives with a wolf pack until he has his first heat. He's found, brought to Baltimore. Dr. Lecter takes an interest in him.

Predator by eijirouN_17 [words: 7,619] 

Will hasn't presented, he doesn't give off any scent at all so everyone, including himself, assumes he's a beta. Then Will goes into heat. At a crime scene. In front of everyone. And Hannibal tries so hard not to go feral.

[acreativeme]

Generational Trauma

Generational Trauma 

Clinton Skye x Reader 

Y/N snuck down onto the floor of her bathroom, positive pregnancy test sitting on the sink. They couldn’t be pregnant, she thought. They weren’t even supposed to be together. Y/N and her partner, Clinton Skye, grew up thinking that the other was an undomesticated beast or at least that is what their parents taught them. 

“Baby? Everything alright?” Clinton asked, sensing something was up with her.

Y/N coughed, quickly brushing the tears away. “Yeah, everything is fine.” She got up and opened the door. “I’m pregnant.” She blurted. 

Clinton’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”

She nodded her head. “The test came back positive.” She held it up to him. “I need to meet with my doctor to confirm.”

He tossed the test onto the counter behind her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “Yeah!” He picked her up, which made her laugh. “We are going to be parents!” 

Once she was back on the ground, Y/N sighed. “Speaking of parents, when are we going to tell ours about us? I mean we’ve been together for years and we are going to be parents ourselves.”

He caressed her cheek, trying to distract her. “I don’t think now is the best time to tell them, my folks are still mourning Angelyne’s death.”

Y/N froze, knowing that was not the complete truth. “Clinton, she’s been dead for over a year now. Don’t you think that learning they are going to be grandparents again will make them happy?” 

He gave her a skeptical look. “I don’t think so..” 

She nodded in understanding. “You don’t think them finding out who the mother is, is going to help.” She stepped around him, moving towards the closet. “I get it.” She threw some clothes into a suitcase. 

“That’s not what I meant…” He tried to back track.

She held up a hand to silence him. “That is exactly what you meant.” She moved around him to get some things out of their shared bathroom. “I think that I am going to visit my parents.” 

He grabbed her wrist. “That’s not necessary, baby.” he was practically begging her not to go.

She looked down at his hand, not having the mental strength to deal with this anymore. “Let go, Clinton.” She muttered, not looking up to meet his eyes.

He let her go, not saying anything as she walked away from him. His own tears began to fall as he heard the front door shut.

Y/N’S POV

Y/N sat in the driveway for a few moments, hoping that Clinton would come after her. But he didn’t. There was no movement at the windows from the living room or their bedroom, so she took that as a sign to leave. She brushed away the tears as she put her car in drive, not wanting to break down.

She wanted to get to her parents before day break, but had to stop after only three hours.  She pulled into a gas station, needing gas and a bathroom break. There was no one else at the station other than the clerk, a young edgy looking woman with headphones in. Y/N sat in the bathroom, crying into her hands. She briefly glanced at her phone, not seeing anything from Clinton. A part of her had hoped that he would come to his senses and reach out to her, but he didn’t. I guess he doesn’t care as much as I thought he did. She thought, wiping her tears away. She finished up quickly, wanting to get some snacks and go. 

She grabbed a couple bottles of water, two bags of BBQ chips, and a king size pack of Reese. The clerk didn’t say anything to her other than the price of her snacks-- didn’t even offer her a bag or anything. Y/N gave her a small smile, not wanting to come off as rude, and wished her a goodnight. Y/N tossed her items into the passenger seat, so that she could get gas. She got back on the road quickly, putting on music to distract her from the fact that the person that she loves has not attempted to make contact with her. 

She made it to her parents home by 6 am, having only stopped to reach out to her employees about opening the shop without her for a few days. 

Her father was standing on the front porch as she got out of her car. “Alskling, what are you doing here?” His baritone voice was laced with sleep. 

Y/N choked back a sob. “Pappa, I made a mistake.” She walked closer to him.

He stepped down off the porch to wrap her in his arms. “It is okay, pappa is here for you.” He slowly began ushering her into the house. “Tell pappa what has happened.” 

She stepped away from him. “I am pregnant, pappa, with Clinton Skye’s baby.” 

Clinton’s POV…

He snuck to his knees as Y/N walked out of their shared room. He didn’t know why he let her walk away from him, but he couldn’t make himself go after her. 

Or even get up from the floor. He sat there all night, just staring into space. He was startled awake from his daydream by his phone buzzing in his pocket. 

In a panic, Clinton fumbled with his phone. “Y/N?”

Jess frowned on his side of the phone. “No? It’s Jess. Is everything okay?”

Clinton sighs upset that it wasn’t Y/N. “Yeah, everything is fine. What can I do for you?”

“We’ve got a case, how quickly can you get here?” Jess asks worry, burying itself in his chest. 

“I can be there in 30 minutes.” He hung up without furthering the conversation that he knew Jess wanted to have. 

He changed out of yesterday’s clothes, not bothering to fix his hair or put on deodorant. His heart ached as he moved through the house in silence. He was so used to hearing Y/N humming in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for them. She would dance along to whatever was playing in her head, without fear of judgement.  

He didn’t linger too long in the house, knowing that he would lose all composure. He was quick about getting in his car and going, not wanting to think about their driveway without her car.

Y/N’s POV…

Y/N sat against the headboard of her childhood bed, knees pressed to her chest. Her father had spent the first two hours of her visit yelling at her about the bad choices that she was making. And how he couldn’t believe she would sleep with the enemy. Her mother had come down, still in her night clothes and rob, as he was forcing Y/N to sit on the couch. Her mother had started to chastise him, but was stopped by his raised hand. 

“What is going on, Hugo?” Astrid asked, coming to stand behind her daughter.

“Our daughter has been keeping a secret from us.” He crossed his arms, eyebrows furrowed. 

Y/N sighed. “Mamma, I’ve been dating Clinton Skye for nearly ten years. We moved in together last year, that is why I haven’t invited you all to my new place.” Y/N turned around to make eye contact with her mother. “And I am pregnant with his child.”

Astrid gasped, clutching her heart and covering her mouth. “Oh, Alskling. Why did you do this to us?” She turned to her upset husband, “where did we go wrong?!” 

This continued for another hour and forty-five minutes, before her mother sent her upstairs to get some rest. They wanted to talk about everything that she shared with them, disappointment displayed clearly on their faces. Even though Y/N is in her early thirties, her parents still have a lot of control with her life. They had immigrated from Sweden right after they got married, barely 20 years old, to escape a family feud of their own-- which makes what they are doing hypocritical. Y/N never questioned her parents disdain for the Skye family, until she met Clinton Skye and he turned out to be nothing like what her parents told her.

Y/N was subconsciously rubbing her stomach when her parents walked in, both looking stern and upset. “Alskling, we’ve decided to send you to Sweden for a few months to stay with family.” Her father stated, not leaving room for discussion. 

Y/N gasped, standing up from the bed, “you can’t do that, pappa. I am an adult. And I’ve got a business to run, I can’t just leave for a few months!”

Her father puffed up his chest, “Either you go to Sweden like we have said, or you will be disowned and will never be allowed to talk to us or your siblings again.” His tone was serious and hard, which threw her off as she had never heard him talk like that.

Her mother, who had been silently standing by the door, spoke up. “You will have no help with the baby and no inheritance to be able to support you and the baby.”

Y/N laughed, brushing her tears away, “you think I care about money? I make good money on my own, if you hadn’t noticed.” She looked down, knowing her choice. “I will go to Sweden, but I need to make arrangements for my business.” She wasn’t going to be able to raise this baby without help and without Clinton, her family was all she had left. 

Clinton’s POV…

He couldn’t focus. His heart ached as the hours passed without word from Y/N. Even though they were fighting, he still hoped that she would reach out to him and let him know that she was okay. His withdrawn behavior was worrying the team. 

“Clinton, can we talk for a moment?” Jess asked, pointing to a door that led outside.  

He looked up, nodding, “yes.” 

Jess led him off to the side, trying to make sure no one else would overhear them. “I am concerned for you, Clint. It is not like you to be so unfocused, especially on a case.” 

“Nothing is wrong, Jess.” He tried to deny it, but neither believed him. 

Jess reached out and patted his shoulder. “You should call her.” 

Clinton looked up at him. “What?”

Jess sighed, “you should give Y/N a call. You haven’t been yourself for the last couple of days and it is starting to affect your work. And we can’t have that, especially not with this case.” 

After taking in what Jess was saying, Clinton nodded and went off to call her. He had tried her phone twice, but was sent straight to voicemail--which he found odd. He dialed the number for her shop, silently hoping that she was busy there and wasn’t ignoring his calls.

After three rings, a female voice answered. “Stargazing Sweets, this is Melinda. How can I help you?” The voice was cheerful and sweet.

His heart sank. “Melinda, it is Clinton. I am trying to get a hold of Y/N. Is she there?”

“Oh hello, Clinton! She didn’t tell you, weird? She is going off to Sweden for a little bit to visit a sick relative!” There was a pause and a rustling noise, “from the email that she sent me, I think that her flight should be leaving in the next couple of hours.”

His breath caught in his throat. How could she not have told him that she was leaving? “Thank you, Melinda. I am going to try and give another call.” 

“No problemo! Have a good one, Clinton!” Click. She hung up on him.

Clinton sighed, anger burning in his chest. How did their relationship go from laughter and bubble baths to her leaving the country and not telling him? In frustration, Clinton punched a tree. In hindsight, it was not a very bright move because now his hand hurt. He stalked back into the building, needing to find information on her flight.

Both Kenny and Hana were sitting at a computer, so he decided to ask them for help. “Hana, Kenny. I need your help getting information about a flight.” 

The pair shared a look, before nodding. “Sure, if it means you’ll be returning to normal.” Kenny jokes.

Uncharacteristically, Clinton glared at him. “This is not a time for your jokes, Crosby. Her name is Y/N Y/L/N and her flight is heading to Sweden.” 

The pair nodded in sync, not wanting to piss Clinton off further. Hana was the first to find anything, so without hesitation she sent it to his phone. “I found the information and have sent it to your phone. If you hurry, you might be able to catch her.” 

He smiled briefly, “Thank you.” Without any further words, Clinton walked out of the office. 

As he was opening the door to his car, he dialed his mother’s number. She picked up right away, “Hello, Mom? Is dad around, there is something I have to tell you both?” He was finally ready to share his truth.

Y/N POV…

Her parents left her at the airport, not wanting to see her off-- hell, they didn’t even say goodbye. Though she had made the decision to go to Sweden, they were still giving her the silent treatment. Clinton had called her twice as they were driving to the airport and she had to decline both of them right away, so that her parents didn’t turn around and see. As she was walking away from the luggage drop off, she received a text from Melinda that said Clinton was looking for her. She sent a thumbs up as a reply, signaling that she is aware. 

As she walked through security, she made the decision not to call him back. She knew that if she did, she’d allow herself to be talked out of leaving. And she couldn’t allow that to happen. She needs her family… but she needs him too.  She found her gate fairly easily, only stopping to buy a drink and a sandwich. Her father wouldn’t allow her to have breakfast before they left, so her and the baby were starving. 

She took a seat by a window, wanting to watch the employees work. She slipped her headphones in, wanting to keep strangers from interacting with her. She wasn’t feeling music, so she turned on the latest episode of her favorite podcast, Ladies & Tangents (which is an actual podcast that I love!). Y/N picked at her sandwich, zoning out as Jeri and Ciara joked about shitting in a closet. She was so focused on the podcast that she didn’t notice someone walk up to her, which is something that Clinton had taught her not to do. She nearly jumped out of her skin as the person bent down in front of her.

Pulling off her headphones, Y/N shook her head. “What are you doing here, Clinton?” She asked, both equally shocked and happy about him being there.

He reached forward to hold her hands. “I heard you were going to Sweden and I wanted to see if I could get you to stay.” He squeezed her hands, voice cracking. “I am so sorry. I messed up. I was so worried that my parents would hold you in the same regards as your family. I was scared and I let that fear affect our relationship, which is something I should’ve talked to you about and not kept to myself.”

A tear ran down her cheek. “Oh, Clinton. I have to go…” She trailed off, not really wanting to admit why.

He tried to brush the tears away, heart aching at how broken she looked. “Why do you have to go?” She looked away from him, which caused him to try and turn her face to look at him. “Y/N, what aren’t you telling me?” She took a deep breath, trying to build up the courage to tell him the truth. “My parents threatened to disown me and keep me away from my siblings. I told them about us and they threatened to disown me.” She blurted, not being able to hold back.

Clinton froze, feeling every ounce of pain pouring out of her. “Oh, baby.” He pulled her to his chest, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I told my parents about us. I told them that you were nothing like your parents, that you made it your mission to learn about our heritage.” He whispered.

She pulled back, shock evident in her eyes. “You did?” 

He nodded, “and they would like to meet you, but only if you want.” 

She looked over his shoulder at her gate, trying to decide what she wanted to do. “I think..” flashes of her parents judging her and not listening to anything she tried to tell them popped up, making it an easy decision. “I think I would love to meet them.”

Clinton grinned, happy tears falling down his cheeks. “Good,” he stood up, “because I’ve already had the airport pull your luggage from baggage claim…” He stated bashfully.

She smacked his chest as he helped her up. “How could you be so confident that I would say yes to coming back with you?” 

He shrugged, throwing his arm over her shoulder, “Baby, I just know you so well.” He pecked to the side of her head.

They both laughed at that, happy to be together again.

[imagineaworlds]

I Love You (Part Forty-Nine) -- Aaron Hotchner

Written By: @desperately-bisexual

Request: None.

Warnings: SMUT!! Cursing. Dom/sub relationship. Sir kink. Oral (male and female (nb) receiving). Mentions and descriptions of sexual assault, child pornography, rape, wire cutting skin, PTSD, PTSD triggers, etc. IF YOU KNOW THE PIANO MAN CASE, JUST APPLY ALL OF THOSE WARNINGS TO THIS CHAPTER!

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word Count: 14,753

Timeline: Season 7 Episode 12. Two months after part forty-eight.

A/N: Sub!Hotch is coming! :)

A couple of weeks ago, Hotch signed up for a triathlon that the FBI was holding in order to raise money to help support retired agents that needed psychiatric help. He insisted that it was important to him, and that he wanted to do it alone after I offered to sign up, too. As someone who needed help, he understood what it was like to be those on the couch in the therapist’s office. He knew better than anyone. Thankfully, we could afford to get him help—the best help that money could buy—but there were plenty of people who couldn’t afford it. Hotch loved the Bureau, and he loved making a difference in the world, so I knew exactly why this all meant so much to him, and why he was going to push himself to the very brink just to make sure he would raise as much money as possible. Not that I would tell him he couldn’t do it. I was just worried, and I didn’t want him to hurt himself since he wasn’t exactly as young as he remembers being. I just had to keep an eye on him.

When I found out that he was going to start training every morning by heading to the park to go on runs, I jumped at the opportunity. As he got up quietly that first morning to sneak around to make sure he wouldn’t wake me, and he put on his sneakers and athletic clothes, I rolled out of bed and started getting ready, too. He stopped when he came out of the bathroom to see me tying up my running shoes. Slowly, a smile started to form on his face. I smiled back at him, then patted his chest lightly as I walked around the bed and towards the stairs. Hotch chased after me to pinch my side playfully. I tried to slap his hand away because it made me giggle a little too loud, and the kids were sleeping just down the hallway, but Hotch predicted my attack, and instead grabbed my wrist and pulled me against his chest.

“Try it, baby girl, and see where it gets you.”

I bit my lip seductively. “In bed with you?” I teased.

He squinted. “In bed, sure. With me? No. With toys? Of course.”

“And… what would you do with said toys, Agent Hotchner?”

“A magician never reveals his secrets, Agent Hotchner.” He kissed my knuckles before releasing me and heading downstairs. I took a moment to catch my breath and regain my balance since my knees felt weak, then I followed him out to the car so that we could drive to the park.

We started going every single morning after that. When we started getting into the swing of things, we learned that we just didn’t have enough time between waking up and getting back on time to get the kids ready, so we started going after we would wake them up and drop them off at Jessica’s house so that she could drive them to school when it was time. At first, they hated getting up early. Like any normal kids, they hated getting up for school in the first place, but then we were insisting that they would wake up even earlier just so that Mom and Dad could go running in the park for an important race that he had coming up.

Eventually, Hotch and I turned our morning jogs into a competition. Whoever finished first always got to Dominate when we got home, no questions asked. Hotch kept fucking winning. I was sick of it. Now, I was determined more than anything in the world, to beat him at least once, just to see that devilish grin get smacked off his face, if nothing else. So, I started getting smart about it. I thought it like sex, right. Hotch liked to go slow and steady in the beginning in order to save his energy for the end. I always liked to go too fast and hard, which would wear me out by the end. So, I started playing by his rules. Slow and steady, and then sprint at the end. I wasn’t any good at it, if I were being honest, but I was working on it, and Hotch wasn’t exactly too happy to know that I was gaining on him, which boosted my ego somewhat.

But then slow and steady stopped working. The longer we raced, the better Hotch got at pacing himself and increasing his stamina, and it was getting hard to keep up with him again. So, I got smart, and I decided to play it my way. Rules were meant to be broken, right?

On Tuesday, when we got to the park, I started jogging normally. I followed closely behind Hotch at first, but the further we went, the longer the distance between us grew, and I got annoyed. But I played it cool. I waited until I could see the finish line in the distance. We always started at the car to limber up and stretch, then we would run around the park, head down a trail for a bit, then work our way back to the car. Whoever tapped the car first won. So, when I saw our car in the distance and I noticed that Hotch was kind of speeding up a bit more, I made my choice. This was it. This was my chance to finally win.

“Ow!” I cried out, coming to a halt while grabbing my leg. Hotch looked over his shoulder to see what happened. I hopped on one leg, my face cringing as I continued my act. “Aaron—” He stopped just as soon as he realized that something was wrong and started jogging back towards me. “Shit, my ankle…”

Hotch held his hands out for me, like he was ready to catch me if I needed to topple over for any reason. “What’s wrong?” His eyes tried to find mine to get a read on what was going on. “Are you alright?”

“You know I love you, right?” I asked, still looking down at my ankle to hide the smirk that was growing on my face.

“What?”

“Tonight’s gonna be fun.”

Before Hotch could put two and two together, I put my foot back down on the ground, and I ran like hell towards our car. It was just ahead, in the third spot in the parking lot, the trunk facing where we were in the park. I tapped the trunk of the car as fast as I could before spinning around, my arms raised in the air as I claimed victory finally. All that work trying to win, all those days of Hotch being so cocky because we would get home and he’d immediately claim his reward, yet I finally won just by juking him out. Sucker.

“You gotta keep up, old man!” I called to him. Hotch threw his head back and groaned. “Do you need a walker? Maybe a stretcher will suffice? Ooh— maybe one of those old-timey walking canes. Yes!” I laughed. “Oh, that’s going to be your birthday gift this year.”

Hotch squinted sourly at me as he got closer. When he was within range, I raised my arms and jumped on him. He caught me and let me kiss him suddenly. It didn’t matter that we were both still panting and sweaty, we’d continue to be until we could get home, finish my victory tour of his body, then finally take a shower. It was just something we had gotten used to recently.

“What about a blue one to match your vest?” I asked while jumping off him, still joking about the cane idea. “Or maybe red to match your favorite tie.”

“Y/N…” he warned.

I threw my hands up defensively. “You’re the one who lost.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you cheated,” he scoffed.

“I didn’t cheat. I just… abused the fact that you love and care for me so much that you had to come check on me before you crossed the finish line.” I grinned and threw my arms back around his neck to make him kiss me, but I didn’t jump up again. “That’s not cheating. That’s profiling.”

Hotch chuckled sarcastically, “Profiling? Hmmm… Interesting. Did your profile include that I don’t let cheaters get away scot free without punishment?” He was leaning in close, and he was whispering so that only I could hear the veiled threat. I gulped. “Car. Now.”

“We’re in a park, Hotch—”

“Then you better stay low.”

He grabbed my bicep and started dragging me towards the car again. He let go when I was set on my path to the front passenger’s side door. As he unlocked the car, Hotch eagerly jumped into the driver’s seat, and I slid into mine beside him. The second we were both settled in our seats, Hotch lifted his hips and pushed his shorts down to his ankles, then his underwear. Somehow, he was already hard without me even having touched him. I felt myself heat up and my thighs rubbed together when I started getting wet. I knew that it was a bad idea. Anyone could see us, and he probably wasn’t even going to fuck me, but—

Hotch grabbed the back of my head and pulled me over the arm rest between us. Before I could protest or do anything, Hotch pushed my open mouth onto his cock. I moaned around him in response to the sudden, demanding movement. He kept pushing me down until I was gagging and pushing against his thigh to find relief, but he didn’t let up.

I heard him let out a groan as his head fell back against the headrest. Knowing I wasn’t getting out of this easily, I decided to give in. When his fingers tangled in my hair, I started moving of my own volition up and down his length. His grip tightened. I moved my hands from his thigh to the base of his length, using my fingers to add stimulation.

“Baby…” he moaned lightly. I still heeded his earlier advice, keeping my head low, using my tongue to do the extra work. Usually, I took time to tease his tip because it was the most sensitive part of him, but he was holding me down, and I still didn’t want to be seen by anyone outside of the car. “I won’t last long.”

Already? Honestly, I thought to myself: the sooner the better. The faster he finished, the faster we could get home and I could finally claim my prize for winning this race. I was sure he was going to be stubborn about it, but that was part of the fun, wasn’t it? So, I hollowed my cheeks around him and took every inch of him into my mouth until he hit the back of my throat.

“Fuck—” There was his tell. Hotch’s hips bucked slightly, and he pulled at my hair, earning a groan from me. The vibrations of my moans and groans around him was enough to tip him over the edge. He cursed my name as he came in my mouth. “Good girl,” he hissed, snapping his hips up as he finished. “Look at me,” he demanded lifting my head off him slowly. As he raised me up, I looked at him through my lashes. “Open.” I presented myself for him. “Swallow.” I closed my mouth and did as I was told. “My good girl.”

“You’re in for it when we get home,” I told him with a smirk, facing forward in my seat.

Hotch pulled up his pants. “I’d like to see you try.” And then his phone started ringing.

I whined. “Please, no. Don’t answer it.”

However, Hotch was already grabbing it and swiping his thumb across the screen to answer it while saying, “I’m sorry, baby girl.” I sighed and slid down in my seat, knowing that it had to do with work and that our morning plans were going to be postponed. Hotch hung up. “We have a case.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby girl…” He slid his hand onto my thigh, grabbing it lightly and playfully but still sensually so as to get my attention.

I forced myself to look at him. “You still owe me.”

“I know I do.”

“I won’t forget it.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to.”

I slowly felt a smile grow on my face. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

After that, Hotch and I headed home to get showered quickly. Apparently, JJ only gave us about an hour to get home, get ready for work, then head to the office. It was plenty of time. Hotch and I raced up the stairs and to our bedroom, tearing each other’s clothes off while kissing each other sloppily and desperately as we stumbled around. There wasn’t enough time for me to claim my prize yet, but there was still time for other things. So, while we were standing in the shower, soaking under the warm water, Hotch had me pushed against the wall, my arms pinned over my head, his tongue fighting for dominance against mine. I rolled my hips around to get him all worked up, and I succeeded. He knelt down in front of me and grabbed my hips roughly to hold me steady as he pressed his tongue flat against my clit and started flicking it side to side. I almost slipped at first. If he hadn’t been holding me the way he was, I would’ve lost my footing and fell right over, crashing into the constantly draining water. But Hotch wouldn’t let that happen. He made sure that I was safe so that I could just focus on moaning out his name and begging for more while pulling at his wet hair.

Once I came, Hotch kept holding me, sliding his hands up from my hips to my waist as he stood, and then he kissed me roughly again. I moaned into his mouth as I tasted myself. It wasn’t exactly the reward I anticipated getting after our run, but it was still perfect, and I let him know it as I continued to kiss him by keeping him trapped in my arms that were flung around his neck.

“We have to…” he began before I kissed him again. “We have to actually… Fuck… We have to actually shower, baby girl.”

“We could also call in sick.”

“No…” He moved one of his hands to my neck slowly, but then he quickly grabbed on and held me still against the wall so that he could pull back and catch his breath. “We have to actually go in today.” He used his free hand to brush his hair out of his face and wipe the water out of his eyes. He looked so hot like that, though… Fuck… “Behave.” He gently released me. When I didn’t jump him again, he relaxed. “Good girl.”

“I hate you.”

“No, no, no. What do you say after what I just did for you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Thank you, Sir.”

He grinned as he grabbed the shampoo from the ledge. “Exactly.”

By the time we were actually clean, we had run out of time in our hour that JJ gave us. However, it didn’t seem to be that big of deal, considering that as we were running into the office building with our case files from home and two apples for breakfast, Rossi was meandering up to the door casually like he didn’t care that he was late, too. He opened the door for us just in time to run in. He chuckled. While we raced through security, hardly getting a chance to stop and greet the guards we were friends with, Rossi was still slowly making his way through, yet we still waited at the elevator for him. We were great friends…

In the elevator, Rossi stayed quiet as he looked between me and Hotch, then looked us both up and down respectively. I furrowed my brows, curious as to what he was looking at or for. Did Hotch leave a button undone? Was his zipper down? Did I forget to brush my hair? What the hell did Rossi find so intriguing about us just standing in the elevator?

“What?” Hotch finally asked, also uneasy with Rossi’s silent profiling and wandering eyes.

Rossi shrugged and looked forward. “Did you two work out this morning?”

Wait— What? Did we smell? Was our wet hair from the shower somehow an obvious sign? Did I not fucking brush my hair! David Rossi, I swear—

“We did. We’ve been jogging.”

“Jogging.” Rossi nodded with a small smirk. “And how was the, uh… work out.”

I rolled my eyes. There it was. Somehow Rossi knew that more than a morning jog happened. That man had a scent and an eye for that kind of thing, and I never understood how. I could shower and not have sex for a week, and he’d take notice. I could fuck Hotch ten times in a day, and he’d notice. What was our tell? We’re we really that bad at hiding it? I mean, come on, we were married, we were still… young-ish. We had stressful jobs and home life, but we loved each other, and we loved to show it as often as possible. Could Rossi really blame us?

“It’s called training,” Hotch rolled his eyes, “and it was fine.”

“Right…” Rossi agreed sarcastically. “Training. Training for… what, though.”

“Rossi!” I hissed, hitting his arm playfully.

He shrugged like he didn’t know why I had yelled at him or hit him. He was acting all innocent. “What? We’re just talking about jogging!”

“Yeah, we are!” I insisted.

“There ya go. No harm, no foul.” The elevator dinged and the doors started opening. “Next time, though, just keep in mind that I walk my dog at 7:15 in that park every morning. I go back to my car in the fifth spot around 7:45. Maybe try not doing it in the front seat of your car in the third spot at 7:45.”

My jaw dropped and my eyes shot wide at the realization. Rossi stepped out of the elevator, still grinning, but I looked up at Hotch, both of us utterly horrified. “Then you better stay low?” I echoed his words from earlier as quiet as I could as we stepped out a few seconds after Rossi was gone. “Oh, my god!” I couldn’t help the smile that was widening on my face and the laugh that was growing in my chest. Hotch was red with embarrassment, but what the hell did he have to be embarrassed about when I was the one who had been choking on his length with his hands tangled in my hair! “This is your fault.”

“You’re the one who was being a brat,” he hissed under his breath. He opened the glass door for me. “I think there’s shared blame.”

“You insisted—”

“Do you want me to punish you again?”

I squinted at him. “You’re the worst.”

“I’m counting that.”

“I still won this morning. So, technically, I should be the one counting.”

He shook his head as we kept walking to the roundtable where everyone was gathering so that JJ could present the case. “You can count, brat; but I’m still keeping score of my own. Just keep that in mind.” He ushered me into the room without another word about it, but with a devilish grin plastered to his face.

“Good morning, everyone,” JJ greeted as everyone took their seats. I was squished between Hotch and Emily. “There’s a problem in Houston that we’ve been monitoring for a while, but they’ve finally called us in so that we can handle the case with a hands-on approach.”

“Why?” Emily asked.

“Because the Piano Man is back.”

I froze in my seat. “What?”

Five months ago, Houston PD reached out to us with a serial rapist case where at least twelve survivors had come forward in the last five years, all claiming to be attacked by the same man. Police identified and connected all of the cases because of the survivors’ testimonies. His MO was to knock them out with a date rape drug, then he would bind them using piano wire. Hence, the name—which I explicitly argued against in my original profile and consultation. This had been my case to handle while Hotch was gone. However, they took my profile, and they never got back to me. I simply figured they caught the guy.

“What do we know?” Hotch asked.

I answered that. Because of the drugs, none of the survivors could remember the assault. However, because of all the missing time, we could approximate that he was keeping all of his victims for about twelve hours each after being taken or attacked in different times, locations, and ways. The twelve hours were to ensure that he had as much time with them as possible before the drugs would wear off, leaving the police with no evidence. Even rape kits turned out to be a shitty lead.

“Brittany Anderson woke up the other day in front of the diner that she had been abducted outside of,” JJ said. Wait— “And Vanessa Campbell went missing last night.” No.

“Those were victims two and five,” Reid realized.

“He’s going back and attacking his survivors a second time,” Morgan added.

JJ nodded. “Unfortunately, that didn’t save Vanessa this time around. She tried, but…”

“What do you mean ‘she tried’?”

“Vanessa tried to throw up the drugs using a salt and water mixture.”

“A homemade emetic,” Emily said, impressed. “She knew how to protect herself from ever getting drugged again, but it just didn’t do the trick. Whatever he’s drugging them with must be stronger this time around.”

“Yeah,” JJ agreed, “because everything she’s done since her first attack has been to protect herself. She got a new home security system, she stopped drinking alcohol, she doesn’t take public transportation anymore, so on. She’s been extremely cautious.”

“He’s getting off on upping the stakes,” I whispered. Everyone turned to look at me. I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably in my chair, trying to straighten my posture without raising any questions. “He’s getting off on knowing that no matter what, no matter how safe they feel, he can still get to them.”

“So, the question is, how did the Unsub drug her and take her in her own home?” Hotch questioned. He looked at me to say, “I want you to take the lead on this case since you did the original consultation and profile.” I nodded. “Okay. Wheels up in forty.” He immediately stood with his things in hand and headed towards his office.

Everyone began collecting their things and pushing out their chairs so that we could hurry to our desks in the bullpen and grab our go-bags. Morgan was eyeing me warily the whole time. I tried to ignore it, thinking that he had probably just caught my awkwardness in the roundtable room. Out of everyone, he probably understood most of all why.

“Y/N,” Hotch called from his office. I looked up from my go-bag on my chair and saw him curling his finger towards himself and his office.

“Ooh,” Morgan chortled, “someone’s in trouble with the principal.”

I squinted at him. “Bite me.” I stood and started walking up the ramp.

“Every day you stray further from the sweet and innocent Y/N who first walked through those doors. When do I get them back?”

“I was never sweet and innocent, Derek! Once you learn that, you’ll think of something smart to say back to me one of these days.”

“And the shots just keep coming.”

“They never stop!” I laughed.

“Hey,” Hotch greeted as I entered his office. “I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright with working on this case.”

I furrowed my brows. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Hotch hesitated. “Well, I figured with… the nature of it…”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

“Y/N, I saw you during the case presentation. I know that what happened to you in high school isn’t something you like to talk about, but it’s okay if you can’t—”

“It made me uncomfortable, Hotch, because we should have taken this guy down five months ago before he started going back to his survivors. No one should ever have to endure that twice. Ever.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I want to lead this case. I want to be there when we take him down. Okay?”

He nodded.

“Okay.” I nodded, too. While I hadn’t exactly told him the entire truth, I only told him what mattered—and, honestly, since he lied to me about Prentiss, I had some wiggle room to lie to him, too. He didn’t need to know that this was putting me on edge. Not yet at least.

“I got Prentiss’s evaluation back,” he told me quietly. I cocked a brow. “She lied to her therapist in order to pass.”

“Well, that’s okay.”

“What?”

I shrugged. “She’s just trying to move past it all. She really just wants things to go back to normal.”

“Y/N…” He hesitated. “I know that she wants things to go back to how they were…” He eyed me carefully. “But she’s still going through it. She can’t just snap her fingers and make things the same.”

I eyed him back. That was about more than just Prentiss. This was about how it had been a solid two months since he got back, and things weren’t back to how they were before he left. Honestly, I knew that I told him that they would eventually, but I wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t that things were bad. In fact, they were as good as they could get, considering all the pain he caused, but to say that it would ever be how it was… No… That was impossible. The best thing we could do now was to just look to the future and create a new normal.

Hotch shook off his thought. “I’m going to talk to her before the team gets on the jet. Think you can hold them off for me?”

“I’ve got you.”

“Thank you.”

----

On the jet, Hotch and I sat in the two seats in the very back while everyone else was huddled around the four seats—except for Emily, who was still reading the case file on her own. Hotch held my hand during takeoff. Four years into working at the BAU, and I was much better at flying than I was when I first started, but it was still nice to have him there to comfort me whenever the plane would bounce while climbing in altitude.

Then, once we were high up in the air, coasting for a few minutes like we would be for the next few hours, I nonchalantly laid my head on Hotch’s shoulder—not even realizing what it was that I was doing and where I was doing it. I just needed to rest my eyes. That was all I was thinking about. Houston was a couple hours away, and we weren’t going to keep talking about the case yet, so I could afford to just shut my eyes for a little bit… Even if it while laying on Hotch in front of everyone on the jet. Though, to be fair, we had done a lot worse on that jet while people were around.

“Why are you so exhausted, my love?” he whispered, careful not to disturb me or catch anyone’s attention.

I sighed and relaxed even more against him. “Between staying up all night with Scar, then keeping up with you while jogging, then going to work, then… you know… stuff at home…” He chuckled. “It’s all a lot.” Then I realized how that sounded. “But I’m happy!” I insisted quickly. “I’m happy, baby, I promise. I’m just tired.”

He grabbed my hand and brought my knuckles to his lips. After pressing a gentle kiss on them, he wiped his thumb gently over every bump. “Why don’t you go sleep on the couch for a bit while Emily and I catch up on the case since we weren’t here when you guys first got it a couple of months ago?”

I nodded against him. “Okay. Thank you.” I lifted my head off of his shoulder, and with half-open eyelids, I pushed myself out of my seat and slowly meandered over to the couch on the opposite side of the jet. I plopped down with a groan.

“Rough morning?” Rossi asked from his seat.

With my eyes still closed, I responded, “I will cut your tongue out if you don’t figure out how to hold it.”

I heard him chuckle, earning a smirk from me, too.

----

I jolted awake when I felt a hand on my bicep, scaring the absolute shit out of me. When I caught my breath, I realized that it was just Hotch carefully coaxing me awake on the couch. That was when I realized that there was no one else on the plane. We weren’t moving anymore. Shit.

I groaned as I sat up. “You let me sleep the whole way?!”

“Sorry,” he apologized quietly, “but we heard from the local PD as we were landing.” He handed me my go-bag when I was ready. “There were no date rape drugs found in Vanessa Campbell’s stomach contents.” I cursed under my breath as I stood and we started walking off the jet together to find that the team was already gone, leaving us with the last black SUV that we had waiting to drive us into town. “They didn’t find anything in her system, actually.”

“Wait, what?” I inquired while sliding into the backseat. That was odd, considering she would have only just been drugged, so there should have been some traces of the drug in her bile.

“That’s not even the worst part.” He settled in the seat beside me, then patted the driver’s seat to reference that we were ready to go. The chauffeur started driving. “Three more victims have come forward to admit that they had been re-assaulted.”

I didn’t even have to ask why they didn’t come forward earlier because I already knew the answer. They didn’t think it was worth it. At least once someone came forward and the story hit the news, it encouraged more women to come further. I was sure that if Reid were riding in the car with us, he would’ve given some statistic—one which I really didn’t want to hear in this case.

At the station, Emily and I went to sit in the boardroom all day, ready to ask each of the survivors the questions we had prepared. When the first girl showed up, I took the lead. I asked the questions, and Emily just sat by and took notes; but the longer we sat there, hearing the same depressing story again and again, I found that I was slowing down, and it was getting hard to keep asking the same questions while already knowing how gut wrenching the answer was going to be.

The first question was always about what they had changed in their lives since the first attack. Vanessa Campbell had changed her appearance, her home, her work, her lifestyle—everything for the sake of protecting herself. When we first started asking the question, we anticipated different answers. We thought that we would have to grasp at straws to find connections, but we were not at all prepared to hear that they all did the same things. Hair, clothes, home, work, partners, lifestyle, pets—everything. They all changed the same things.

And then there was a moment when I asked myself if I had done that, too, without realizing. After it happened, I stopped going to parties. I mean, it happened at the end of senior year at one of the last parties that our graduating class ever threw, so it didn’t really matter. But in college, I never went to one. I thought about it, but every time I did, I felt sick. So, I stayed in. I stopped wearing clothes that were revealing all the way up until I met Hotch. But I think that stood out the most was my sex life. While I never had any “boyfriends” or “girlfriends” after it happened, I certainly had my fair share of fuck buddies. BDSM parties, swinger parties, orgies, even. For some reason, I took what happened to me, and my brain made sense of it by telling me that I had to relinquish control in that part of my life—but only with people I absolutely trusted. I never, ever participated in one of those events unless I was with a friend that I trusted with my life.

Most people, on the other hand, would have never done what I did. Understandable. I took the route that said I needed more sex in order to forget about what happened to me—whereas most survivors were the opposite. But everyone was different. I handled my trauma the way that made sense to me, and each of the women we interviewed that day took the other approach.

But then they all said something that was all too true about me, as well. They didn’t tell the police because they didn’t think that anyone would believe them. I was in high school. I was underage at a party, photographed doing illegal things. If I would have gone to the police, I would have been in more trouble than the boy who took those pictures because his face was never in them. There was evidence that I had been drinking, there was evidence that I had been smoking pot, and there was evidence that I was fucking a boy. Yet, there wasn’t a single shred of evidence of what he actually did—other than my word… But knowing the statistics, what were the odds that they would have believed me over him?

“Besides, who would ever believe the slut who cries wolf?” Dana, one of the survivors, asked. I cocked a brow at her. “Can we take a break or something? I need a smoke.”

I froze while writing. After hesitating for a moment, I looked at Emily, then I looked at Dana. That was the fourth time we had heard that request from the survivors. Four out of four.

After Emily told her that she could smoke outside the building, Dana grabbed her purse and left. I spun in my chair to look at Emily. We were both thinking the same thing, I could see it in her eyes. If the victims weren’t being drugged through their drinks or food, then there was only one common link between them that made sense. Their cigarettes.

My phone started ringing with a call from Morgan. I answered to check in with him and Spencer on what they found at Vanessa Campbell’s house. Just like we had seen in the case file, there was vomit on the kitchen floor, a broken glass from the homemade emetic, the glass door had been busted in, and there was a clear sign of a struggle throughout the kitchen and living room. But what the cops failed to mention in their report before Morgan and Reid got there was that the TV was on, and that the Unsub had been playing a song that Vanessa absolutely hated, according to her husband.

“Can you try asking the other victims if there’s any song they can’t stand since their first attack?” Reid asked me. I asked why. “If there’s a pattern, he could have possibly chosen to play that exact song on purpose.”

It sounded reasonable enough, so I gave in to the idea. When Dana came back from her smoke, we asked her about the songs. She told us that there was one piano ballad specifically that she couldn’t stand anymore because it had been playing during both attacks. After we talked to her, Emily and I went back to talk to the other survivors, and they all told us the same. So, Reid had been right about a pattern.

I collected my things as Emily saw the survivors to their cars just outside of the station. Hotch, Rossi, JJ, Morgan, and Spencer headed into the boardroom and took some of the empty seats, making sure not to steal Emily’s next to mine. I watched Morgan as he sat down. I wondered if he was okay since getting back to the station from Vanessa’s house, after seeing everything that man did to her. Morgan and I had different experiences, don’t get me wrong. But assault was assault. Just because mine aligned more with the Piano Man case didn’t mean that the content didn’t still bother the great Derek Morgan.

Hotch cleared his throat, catching my attention. He made a smooth gesture my way to tell me to start leading the meeting. They all wanted to know what Emily and I had found out while talking to all of the survivors, and I wanted to know what Morgan and Reid thought of the songs and the crime scene at Vanessa Campbell’s house. With confirmation that the song was part of the Unsub’s signature, Reid started putting all of the pieces together so that Rossi and Hotch could start building an official profile off of the one I had given the local PD months ago.

Reid finished what he was saying with, “It’s possible that while they’ve lost consciousness during their attacks, the Unsub is playing each of these songs on repeat, and in the victims are retraining the information—perhaps like a Pavlovian response, which turns the songs into a trigger.”

“The question is, why these songs?” Hotch questioned.

“Well, piano ballads are usually comforting, romantic songs. He could be setting the mood while also torturing them with the fact that music will never sound the same to them,” Rossi offered.

I cleared my throat like I had something stuck that was choking me up, and I used that as an excuse to leave and grab some coffee. No one said anything as I left.

----

That night, while Hotch and I were getting ready for bed at the hotel, I got lost in thought. I was standing in front of the sink with the water running, staring into my own reflection in the mirror, remembered the photos he had taken of me and used against me just to get some fucking money… Not that he even needed it. He came from a good family that was sending him to a good school so that he had a bright future. But he just wanted to make my life a living hell. I could remember that even after the bruises on my hips faded and the hickeys on my neck and collarbone disappeared, it never felt like they were gone because they were always there in those pictures. Even though Morgan and I burned those pictures a long time ago, it still felt like they were following me around. It felt like the bruises were still on me.

“I thought you said you could handle it,” Hotch whispered from behind me. I snapped out of my trance to see him leaning against the doorframe. “This case. You said it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“It isn’t,” I insisted while shutting the water off.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to lie to each other.”

I glared at him through the mirror.

“I’m serious, Y/N,” he said, approaching me to try to hug me from behind. I dodged the attempt and stepped around him, heading for the bedroom. “It’s okay if you need to sit this one out because of what happened—”

“Like I’ve told you a thousand times, Hotch, I’m fine. I don’t need you worrying about me when I just need you to focus on helping me find this guy. Okay? Drop it.”

“I have every right and reason to worry about you!” he exclaimed while following me into the bedroom.

I rolled my eyes and turned to face him. “Aaron.” He stopped to stare at me, fear in his eyes, an obvious debate running through his mind about what the hell I could be so serious about all of a sudden. “Do you remember when I told you that I’d ask you to lay out all of the lies for me one day, when I was ready to talk about Emily and everything?” He nodded warily. “I need you to tell me or I’m going to go crazy during this case. I can’t be battling knowing that you’re still hiding things from me and also swallowing the fact that every time I hear someone on the team call those girls ‘victims’, I want to throw up. So, I need you to just… lay it all out for me. Right now.”

“Baby, are you sure—”

“Yes, I’m sure. You promised me. This was the deal that if I stayed, if we were going to work through this, then you had to fess up. No matter how bad, no matter how stupid, I need to know, Hotch. I don’t keep things from you, and all I ask is that you share the same courtesy.” I huffed and sat on the edge of the bed. “Please.”

Hotch took a moment to himself, standing there in front of me, watching as I stared at anything on or around him in order to avoid his gaze. It was humiliating to ask my husband to be honest with me. I knew that there was no way he had cheated on me, and I knew that there was no way that he stopped loving me, so I didn’t fear that something like that would come up, but I was still terrified that he would admit something that would break my heart, and maybe make things worse. But, honestly, nothing could have been worse than him lying about Emily’s death and letting me name our daughter after her.

He finally gave in. Slowly, he sat beside me, keeping his hands to himself, and he followed my lead by just staring at the wall opposite us. “Okay,” he croaked. He cleared his throat to reiterate, “Okay.” He shifted uncomfortably on the bed. “I lied to you about Kate.”

Oh, my fucking—

“When I was working with her in England, there was one night when we slept together. We had both been drinking, and one thing led to another, as they usually do, and it happened before I could stop myself. I regretted it the next morning… I told her that it could never happen again, and it didn’t.”

“Did Haley know?”

Hotch shook his head. “She would’ve left me if I told her. And it didn’t even mean anything, Y/N. Kate was one of my best friends. It’s like if you slept with Morgan—”

“Don’t be vulgar.”

“I’m serious!” He chuckled. “There would be feelings, sure, but it wouldn’t ultimately mean anything—” He suddenly stopped himself. “Or. Well. Would it?”

I punched his arm lightly. “No, it wouldn’t.”

He rubbed the spot where I hit him while still smiling, but then he started thinking about other lies he had told or secrets he kept from me, and his smile faded. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving Haley…” he whispered. “And I don’t think I ever will.”

I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers. “That’s not a secret, Aaron Christopher Hotchner.”

He looked at me. “It’s not?”

I looked at him. “No.” The temptation to run my fingers through his hair overthrew me, so I gave in. He nuzzled into my touch as I did so. “Someone once told me that we’re capable of loving more than one person in our lifetime. They never really believed in soulmates, and I don’t think I do either. I think that there are just a string of people in our lives that we meet and we fall in love with them as hard as we can, and there’s no stopping it. Sometimes it’s just one person, and that’s enough to last a lifetime. But there are other times when it takes a few ‘soulmates’ before finding the one you don’t ever want to move on from.” I brushed his hair off his forehead. “I’ve only ever loved one other person the way I love you. Only one. Even now, years later, having not seen them in a long time, I’m still in love with them. Does that mean I love you any less? No. You are my forever love, Aaron Hotchner.” I cupped my palm on his cheek. “Haley was your soulmate—one of them, at least. You grew up loving her, and you dedicated your life to her for as long as you could. You had a family with her. That doesn’t wash away just because you’re not legally married anymore or because she isn’t around. It’s okay to love her, Aaron. It��s okay to miss her. I would never, ever judge you for that because I know that you still love me, and that I’m one of your soulmates—”

“You’re my forever love, Y/N,” he whispered while pressing his forehead against mine.

“Then, you don’t have to worry about me getting jealous over Kate or Haley. You don’t have to be scared that I’m going to run off because you’re still in love with your first soulmate. I’m not going anywhere.”

He slid his hand around the back of my neck, bracing me because the next thing I knew, he was kissing me deeply. I exhaled through my nose as I kissed back. I knew that he hadn’t gotten all of the lies and the secrets out yet, but I was honestly content with what he had said. I knew how hard it was for him to be truthful. I knew that him and Haley had a relationship that sorely lacked communication, and that was why they ultimately failed. So, I couldn’t push him too hard, and I couldn’t make him start piecing together all of the lies and the secrets of his life in one night. I thought that was what I wanted, but now that we were in the moment, I realized that it was too much. Too much for him, and too much for me. It was okay to just leave it where it was.

Hotch pulled from me shortly to catch his breath. “I’ve got another one.”

I smiled and ran a finger over his bottom lip. “Okay.”

“I used to sell pot in high school.”

I let out a laugh. Shaking my head at how stupid and silly he was, I pulled him in for another kiss, moving so that I was laying down and he was towering over me, his legs straddling my hips, his hands holding my face for balance, my fingers still tangled in his hair to keep him close. He must have run out of actual lies and secrets if he pulled that one out of his ass.

----

The next morning, we got the worst news possible. Just as we were settling in at the precinct to get to work on the profile, the cops got a call about a body in a river that ran through downtown. The detective who called us in for the case let us know that he was heading down there just to see if it had anything to do with our case or not, and I decided to send Morgan and Reid with him. Only, at the time, I didn’t think anything would come of it. But then my phone started ringing with a call from Morgan, which I eagerly answered, only to feel my heart drop to my stomach.

“Hey, peanut,” Morgan greeted. “We just found Vanessa Campbell’s body.”

I let out a sigh as I braced my elbow on the desk in front of me and hid my face in my hand. “You’re sure?”

“She matches the description, and her body is covered in cuts from piano wires that were restraining her.”

“Can you guys tell if she was…” I hesitated.

Morgan knew what I meant, though. “We won’t know for sure until the coroner runs a complete autopsy. But, listen, Reid found something that might help.” I cocked a brow and put the call on speaker so that the rest of the team could listen in. “We found pieces of surgical gloves in her mouth, like she bit it off the Piano Man’s hand or something.”

“Okay? So what?” JJ questioned.

“These gloves aren’t latex— and they’re expensive ones, too. He couldn’t just get these anywhere. Our Unsub has an allergy to latex, and Reid and I are betting on the fact that he works at a hospital.”

“He could have been one of the doctors that treated all of the survivors when they went in for their rape kits,” Emily said.

“Stay with the coroner for now, Morgan,” I said into the phone, “and I’ll let you guys know if there are any updates later.”

“Sounds good.”

I hung up on him and leaned back in my chair, looking at the team as they all stared at me. The glove changed some things, but not much. I mean, it was a solid lead, and JJ was already getting in contact with Garcia to start looking for the doctors that treated all of the survivors and had a latex allergy—but in terms of the profile… Things changed a bit. The gloves were just a counter measure. He was evolving because he knew that we were hunting him, and when Vanessa fought back, he got rid of her.

“Garcia couldn’t find any record that any of the surgeons or doctors that treated some or all of the survivors have a latex allergy,” JJ said. But then her phone started ringing. “Penelope?” After a moment, she put the call on speaker.

“I found something,” Garcia immediately said. “I couldn’t find a connection with the surgeons or doctors, but I did find one link with an orderly named Herman Scobie. According to hospital computer records, he accessed each of the victims’ medical and insurance records after they came in for a rape kit the first time.”

“That’s how he’s been finding their addresses after they moved,” I realized.

“Y/N, Dana’s back,” Emily said from beside me. We all turned around in our seats to see one of the survivors, Dana, standing in the middle of the precinct, aimlessly looking around for us.

“Everyone, clear the room, please,” I told the team. They all stood and began filing out of the room. Emily and I followed behind them, but we walked towards Dana instead of staying with the herd.

“He killed Vanessa?” she asked instantly.

Emily nodded. “Yes.”

“He could be after any one of us now, right?”

She hesitated. “Yes.”

Dana sucked in a shaky breath while clearly contemplating something. After a long moment, she relaxed and looked at us. “I remember some things about that night. I… I lied when I told you guys that I completely blacked out.”

“Would you be willing to tell us now?”

“If it’ll save us… yeah…”

Emily smiled lightly. “Okay. Let’s head to the boardroom again.” She gestured across the office, and Dana turned to head there. Emily started following, but I stayed still. She waited up for me, taking a step back when she realized that my gaze was glued to the wall. “Y/N?” She put a comforting hand on my bicep. “Are you alright?”

I looked at her. “I can’t listen to it.”

Emily looked like she wanted to ask why, but I could tell that she also understood that there was no point in prying. “I’ll handle it, then. Why don’t you go with the team to the Unsub’s house, get some fresh air, clear your head a bit.” I nodded obediently. “It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” I croaked. “Yeah, I know. Thanks.” I put a friendly hand on her shoulder as I walked around and past her, meeting up with the team as they were gearing up to head to Scobie’s house.

On our way there, Hotch and I sat together in the front seat of one of the SUVs with Morgan and Reid in the back. Every so often, Hotch would glance over at me, his eyes trying to get a read on if I was any better since last night when I somewhat admitted that I was struggling—at least specifically with the fact that no one was showing the survivors the respect they deserved. Even Morgan was still referring to them as “victims”. But I felt somewhat better, especially since Emily said she could handle questioning Dana on her own. I knew that I would feel a thousand times better, at least, when we would catch this son of a bitch, and it meant that one less predator was out on the streets.

“Y/N, we have a plan to stick to,” Hotch whispered. He must have seen the hungry look in my eye for revenge. I tried to shake it off. “I don’t want you to be the one—”

“It’s going to be me,” I insisted.

He hesitated. I wasn’t like my sister, he had to know that, right? Elle wasn’t able to control her emotions, so she arrested Lee before we had enough evidence, so we had to release him, and then he attacked her. I wasn’t going to let that happen again. We were going to do this the right way and we were going to make every single goddamn charge stick.

But even as we were pulling up to the house, I could still see that Hotch was unsure about letting me out of the car, so I just had to make sure that I was the first out, and that I was assigning orders to everyone as fast as possible. The plan was that Hotch and I were going to take the front door, Rossi and Morgan were going to take the back door, and Reid and JJ were going to search the van that was parked out front. I couldn’t wait to serve the search warrant to this asshole.

As Hotch and I approached the front door, I pinched my comm on my shoulder to ask if everyone was in position. When I got confirmation, I nodded to Hotch. He steadied his stance before roughly knocking on the door and exclaiming, “FBI, open up!” But there was no response. We had reasonable cause, so Hotch stepped back, then kicked the door in. Together, we rushed into the house, searching the living room, but that was when I saw Scobie, dressed in his work scrubs, dash through the hallway, heading straight for the back of the house.

“Morgan, he’s headed your way!” I yelled into the comm.

Within the next few moments, I heard a loud thud outside, followed by Scobie’s quick protests to be released. Seemed like Morgan got him.

“Y/N!” Rossi called through the comms. “We got him. There’s boxes and boxes of Neoprene gloves in his van.”

Hotch was watching me as I smirked and started heading towards the backyard to get a good look at the Piano Man.

----

When we were back at the office, Emily was already done talking to Dana, but asked her to stick around so that we could get a positive ID on Scobie being the Piano Man. She accepted. So, after we got him in the interrogation room, we led Dana to the mirror room where we told her that she would watch with Hotch and JJ while Emily and I went in there to talk to him. We made it clear that we would have to play his game. We were going to say things that we didn’t really mean, but Dana just had to trust us. She nodded nervously.

“You okay to go in there after earlier?” Emily questioned me.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, then. I’ll take the lead, then. Be the strong, dominant personality or whatever.”

“I’ll follow,” I said with a smile.

It was a good interrogation tactic. Two women going in to confront a serial rapist. One of the women fit the dominant role to a T, while the other was submissive and shy to whatever he wanted. The conflicting responses to him would fuck with his head.

So, Emily and I headed into the interrogation room, letting the door to the mirror room close before Scobie could see Hotch, JJ, or Dana standing behind the glass.

“Where’s my lawyer?” he asked.

“We called him,” Emily answered. Not true. He technically hadn’t invoked yet, so we were just waiting for him to actually say that he wanted counsel. “He’s on his way. Actually—You know what, Y/N?” I cocked a brow. “Maybe we should just let him tell his client about the Piano Man investigation. What do you think?” I shrugged. “Yeah. Okay. We’ll do that. Sorry to bother you.” Emily moved to the door, holding it open for me.

“The what?”

“The Piano Man. You might have read about him in the paper.”

“You think I’m him?”

There was our in. Emily slowly ushered me back into the interrogation room, closing the door again behind us. As she said, “No, I don’t,” she pulled out a chair for me to sit in, and I did so obediently. “Well, we don’t,” she clarified while sitting next to me. “The problem is that there are other people out there who think that the way you treat your dates is a little similar to this guy. Some guys like it rough. In fact—” Emily stopped herself with a chuckle. “No… Never mind…” I blushed as part of the game, and hid my face away from him and her, earning a playful chuckle from her. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“No, go ahead,” he insisted.

“No, we can’t.”

I bit my lip and continued to blush.

“Maybe you already did,” he said. “I can tell that you’re like me… You know… Rough.”

“Aren’t we all?”

“Well, maybe the three of us. But out there, people don’t understand.”

“I agree,” Emily said. “They just don’t get it. But I do. I know that it’s easy and fun to lose control. So… did you? You know, did you ever get a little too rough?”

“Never.”

“Never?”

My blush faded.

“Never.”

“What about those naughty girls that came back for seconds?”

“What about them?”

“They’re the ones making the most noise. What I need from you is a reason to kick them to the curb, because we just want to help get you out of here, to prove that you did nothing wrong.”

He leaned forward in his seat. “Look at the notches on their bedposts. You think they’re innocent?” He eyed me up and down. “Are any of you ever innocent?”

Emily leaned back, slyly keeping her distance from him, and she casually chuckled. “Good one.”

“Besides… Nobody ever believes a slut who cries wolf. Right?” He continued to stare at me. “You would’ve liked being rough, too.” I didn’t say anything to give into his fantasy. “I know you like it. Don’t deny it.”

What the fuck? That motherfucker!

“What did you just say to me?” I questioned sternly. “You son of a—”

The door opened to reveal Hotch who was there to say, “Out. This is over.”

Something within me snapped. I felt this sudden urge to start crying, but I couldn’t let myself break in front of him. Not when we had come so far. So, I swallowed every overwhelming feeling that was crashing through me long enough to push my seat back and calmly hurry out of the room without saying another word or giving Emily a heads up.

When we broke into the mirror room, the door slamming behind us, I saw Dana crying in JJ’s arms while hyperventilating. Through cracked words that just couldn’t seem to leave my lips, I asked what happened. JJ explained the wolf comment triggered her. Hotch ordered JJ to take Dana back to the boardroom and to get her some water to help her calm down.

When they were gone, that was when Hotch grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. I sucked in a shallow breath and screwed my eyes shut.

“What is it?”

“How does he know?” I asked quietly. A sob was building in my chest even though I didn’t know how or why.

“What?”

“How— How does he know all of the right songs to play and the right things to say?”

“What are you talking about?”

He knew that playing all of those songs while attacking his victims again was a perfect way to retraumatize them all over again, and now they all had mantras—which he proved came from him during that interview. But what I didn’t expect was that last part. I didn’t expect that he would turn to me and know exactly what to say to make me relive that night all over again. It had been years since that night in high school. Sure, there were times when I would have a nightmare, or I’d see flashes of his face, or feel like he was whispering in my ear… But every time that happened, I was able to turn to Hotch, hold him in my arms, and relax. I could forget because I had the love of my life. And then that man looked me in the eye and said: “I know you like it. Don’t deny it.” Something suddenly snapped inside of me. It was an involuntary response. Again, I wasn’t sure how or why, but I knew that him repeating those same words spoken to me years ago somehow managed to break me.

I shivered against Hotch’s touch. “I think I lied.”

“Y/N, what are you talking about?”

“I don’t think I can do this.” I buried my face in his chest. “I didn’t think it would get to me—but he did. He got to me, Aaron. I’m so sorry. I thought I could handle it.”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.” He winged his arms around me, holding me close as I started to cry against him. “Just breathe.” But I couldn’t, though, so I just grabbed onto his suit jacket and held on for dear life as I kept crying. “We’ve got a positive I.D. It’s over. We can go home, and we can talk about this, forget about this, whatever. It’s going to be okay. You caught him, just like you said you would.”

Yeah, after I was a fucking mess the whole case and couldn’t even listen to the survivor’s testimonial when she came back in to admit she remembered more than she originally let on. I technically failed at my job. Hotch assigned me to lead this case, and instead of stepping up to the plate like I had done every single day while he was halfway across the world, I slowly fell apart until there was nothing left of me except that scared high schooler who felt entirely trapped and alone that summer after it happened.

“Why don’t you go take a breather outside while we wrap up the case officially and I reach out to the D.A. to help them build an airtight case.”

I sucked in a deep and shaky breath. “Okay.”

Hotch kissed the top of my head. “You’re here with me, and I love you more than anything in the world. You’re here with me, and I will protect you from anything and anyone who would ever want to harm you again. Do you know that?”

“I know.”

He hugged me as tight as he could for a short second, then he let me go entirely. As he took a step back, he lifted my chin with his thumb, and using his other hand, he carefully wiped my tears away. “I. Love. You.”

I kissed his fingers as they drifted to my other cheek. “I love you, too.”

“Go catch your breath. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

I nodded and began stepping around him, heading towards the door with my head lowered so that no one could see my red and puffy face. When I stepped outside, I took in a deep breath of fresh air, letting the wind blow past me and through my hair. I let out a heavy sigh.

And then the door opened again. I looked up, half expecting Hotch to be there, but I was shocked to see that it was Emily. I didn’t say anything to her. I looked down at the concrete and slumped against the wall. After taking a moment to watch me from a distance, Prentiss decided to lean against the wall with me, too. No one said anything for a bit. We just stood there in silence, listening to the different cars as they drove by, and how the birds were chirping on a seemingly normal day. And then the silence broke.

“Hey, why’d you freak out like that?”

I quickly glanced at her, shocked that she was so forward. But then I realized just how off I was, and that if I were in her shoes, I would have been worried, too. So, I answered. Kinda. “It’s nothing, Em. It just got intense in there.”

Honestly, there were only a handful of people who knew the truth about what happened to me. Before joining the BAU, I was the only person who knew. But since joining and since the Fisher King practically ruined the secret, I had to fess up to Morgan. Once Morgan found out, he spent forever trying to convince me that telling Hotch the truth was the right thing to do, and I eventually believed him. When I went to Hotch, he told me that he already knew the truth because Garcia went digging. So, at least three people on the team knew the whole truth. As for everyone else… Well, Elle, Reid, JJ, and Gideon were only told that the photos were just images of me topless at a party. That was it. But Rossi and Emily hadn’t been around at the time, so they didn’t know any of it, and I was completely fine with keeping it that way.

But Emily could still sense that something was wrong. “Y/N, I don’t want to live with regret for not knowing you or for making you feel like you can’t be open with me. This second chance we have should be to recognize that it’s okay to talk to each other.” She shuffled on the balls of her feet. “I think that I have a clue as to what’s going on, but I think that it’s important if you’re just honest with me.”

“So, do you think it’s important to be more honest with your therapist, too, then?” I snipped.

She backed down, even though regret was immediately washing over me, and I was trying to find a way to apologize. “Okay… I, um… Well, I’ll be here if you’re ever ready to talk about—”

“Em, I’m sorry. I just—It’s not you, I swear. It’s just hard to tell people the truth and to explain it. At least with the others on the team, they know part of the story, so it would be somewhat easy to explain, but you don’t know any of it, which means that the truth is going to hit you like a train, and I don’t want to do that to you.”

“I can take it, Y/N.”

I searched her eyes for a moment. Even though I knew that it was true, I was still hesitant to unload all of this on her. But Emily Prentiss was just stubborn as I was. I knew that she wasn’t going to let this go, even if she insisted. So, I decided to tell her the truth. The whole truth.

Afterwards, while she turned and calmly pulled me into an embrace and I hid my face in her shoulder, the door opened again and Hotch stepped out to tell us that there was a problem. Reid, JJ, and Morgan found out that Scobie was too young to be the Piano Man, which meant that he was being set up. Scobie was just a copycat.

“Shit,” I cursed under my breath. I quickly pushed past both of them and hurried into the boardroom to ask Rossi what we knew now that changed the whole fucking profile.

“His music taste,” he explained to me.

I squinted at him. “His music taste? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Reid, Morgan, and JJ have been tearing his house apart for evidence proving that he’s the Piano Man—maybe trophies, or even the piano wire he used to hurt them. While they were there, they noticed that all of his music taste is heavy metal. He doesn’t own a single piano ballad.”

Angrily, I turned and threw some of the papers on the desk at the wall. “Fuck!” I kicked the wall, then bit my lip to ignore the wince that left me when it hurt like a bitch. “Fuck,” I whispered under my breath, defeated. “Fuck.” I looked up at him just as Hotch and Emily came in. “How can he not be the Piano Man? We found the gloves, we know he pulled their medical record after the first attacks, and he even repeated Dana’s mantra after she was attacked the second time—” I froze. God fucking dammit. How did we miss that? “Fuck,” I whispered again. “He’s not the Piano Man.” I looked at Hotch. He obviously knew that, so he just shrugged, trying to see where I was going with this. “He’s not a copycat. He’s a doppelganger.” He shrugged again. “He has to know who the Piano Man is if he was able to mimic the attacks.”

That was when it dawned on Hotch. “Prentiss and I will handle it.”

“His lawyer just got here, Aaron, you’re not going to get anything out of him,” Rossi said.

“He’ll talk when he finds out that he’s being set up by the Piano Man. Just like Mill Creek. Right?”

This time, it was my turn to shrug. So, with nothing else to be said, Hotch and Emily left the boardroom again to go talk to Scobie, but this time I followed. I knew that I couldn’t go back into the interrogation room, but I could at least watch from the mirror room. That wasn’t so bad. It was like watching a dangerous animal from behind glass at the zoo.

Scobie’s lawyer groaned when he saw two federal agents coming back into the room. “My client has nothing to say.”

“Good,” Hotch said. “We’d rather he just listen, anyway.”

Sometimes I really wondered what Hotch was like as a prosecutor; but then there were moments like this, or in court for the Matloff trial a couple of years ago, and I realized that if I would have known him then, we would have never gone to work because he would have been too busy keeping my hands off of him. Not that he didn’t already struggle with that. The two of us were incredibly handsy people—our love language was clearly touch—but we at least had enough restraint to save it for when we weren’t working.

“You’re going away for rape, there’s no doubt about it. The question is whether you’ll let your competition hang Vanessa Campbell’s murder on you, too.”

“I didn’t kill her,” Scobie defended calmly. “I didn’t even touch her.”

“From what you’ve told us, we know exactly what you think of women—especially survivors.”

That caught my attention. That was the first time throughout this whole case that I had heard him use the word “survivors” instead of “victims”. He had heard me last night. Even though I was a mess, and we had a long night after talking, he heard that one complaint, and he fixed it. All I could think about was to thank him. Just a defeated, simple “thank you” to let him know that I appreciated that small gesture. It probably didn’t mean anything to him, but it meant the world to me.

“But we know that you don’t think that they’re worth killing. You would rather that they live with what you’ve done to them. So, you didn’t kill Vanessa. In fact, we don’t even think you raped her. But if you don’t want to go away for her murder, you need to tell us who he is or how to find him.”

Scobie didn’t say anything.

Emily jumped in this time. “How do you think we found you? Just like you, he’s going back to his old victims. Only, with Vanessa, he wanted it to make it look like it was you and not him, so he shoved a piece of Neoprene down her throat. That’s how we got you. He’s not on your side, Herman, and he’s not going to protect you. He’s going to make sure you go away for all twelve assault counts and the single murder count. But if you help us right now, you’ll only have four counts of rape.”

“I need to discuss this with my client,” the lawyer insisted.

Hotch shook his head. “No. He talks to us now, or he takes his chances with a jury.”

“I don’t know who he is,” Scobie immediately said. “I just read about what he did in the hospital and insurance records. The weird thing, though, was that I had two chicks picked out to do next. I was going to start with Vanessa, but he got to her first.”

“Who was the other one?”

“Regina Lampert.”

I immediately grabbed my phone and dialed Garcia’s number to have her get in touch with Regina Lampert. We needed to get to her before the Piano Man. So, while Garcia started calling every number Regina had, Hotch and Emily came out of the interrogation room. Garcia let out an annoyed groan in my ear.

“What is it?” I asked, putting the call on speaker.

“She’s not picking up,” she said.

“Keep trying.”

“I am.”

“Garcia, we need a home address or workplace,” Hotch ordered.

“Well, she only works nights at a bar…” She drifted her words as she got lost in thought, then hesitated. “Oh?”

“Oh?” I questioned.

“I found something. I’m sending it to your phone right now.”

Just as the notification buzzed, I opened it. There was security footage from Regina’s work the other night where she went to go confront the man playing the piano.

“He’s taunting her,” Emily said.

“And she knows it, too. Look at her behavior around her versus otherwise,” Hotch said.

We watched as Regina kept her posture strong and tall when she was around him, but the second she was away, her face towards the camera, we saw her break down somewhat. She knew that it was him. He had probably been playing her trigger song at the time, which was why she confronted him, and now it was all coming back to her. Then, come closing time, she actually left with him—but she didn’t look scared anymore. In fact, she was smirking.

“She set herself up as bait,” I whispered.

“His name’s Hamilton Bartholomew,” Garcia began, “and… his wife reported him missing yesterday.”

“Regina knows that he’s her attacker, so she took him before he could take her.”

Hotch looked through the glass to watch as Scobie panicked in his own skin, then he looked back at the security footage on my phone. “Garcia, pull Regina’s rape kit. They found a fingerprint on her glasses after her attack. Compare the fingerprint to Bartholomew’s, please.” Hotch looked at me. “You sure you want to go with us?”

I rolled my eyes at him while thanking Garcia for her help and turned to leave the mirror room. Reid, Morgan, and JJ were back, already pulling their vests off, but I stopped them and let them know that we were headed to Regina Lampert’s house. In the case that the Piano Man was really there, we needed to be prepared. Otherwise, we would just bring her into protective custody. The three of them re-strapped their vests, then Morgan threw mine at me.

I didn’t ride with Hotch this time around. After my meltdown earlier, I didn’t need him to coddle me or ask a thousand questions about whether or not I was alright. I wasn’t alright. But I would be.

Emily got the call from Garcia in the car while I was driving her and Morgan. We got a hit on Hamilton’s DNA matching the Piano Man’s on Regina’s glasses. I started going faster.

At Regina’s house, while I was assigning positions again, just like at Scobie’s house, we heard a gunshot rang. Hotch made the call before I could. Everyone started racing inside behind SWAT, trying to figure out where the shot came from and who shot it. Hotch stepped in my way every time I rushed into another room with my weapon raised, and every time I tried to clear a corner. I groaned at him before turning around and running away from him. He tried to catch up, but by the time he did, he crashed into me in the kitchen where I found Regina standing over Hamilton, pointing a gun at his forehead.

“I got him! I caught him!” she cheered. “This is the Piano Man!”

“No, I’m not! This woman’s crazy!” he cried on the floor. “Please, you’ve gotta help me!”

“Regina, look at me,” I pleaded with her. “Please. Look at me.” When she did, I said, “Drop the gun.”

“I can’t,” she answered while looking back down at him. “I’ve waited five years for this.”

“I know. I know, Regina. I know what that feels like.”

Her gaze snapped back to me.

“Try eleven years, Regina. Eleven. But you don’t see me waving a gun in his face because there are better ways to go about this. I promise.”

The rest of the team came running in, ruining the rapport I had been building with her while she was focused on me and not Hamilton. I cursed under my breath. Hotch should’ve held them back, but he was too concerned about me to just fucking—I’d be mad about it later.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, moving her finger for the trigger.

“Regina!” Emily exclaimed. “Regina, we ran the rape kit to match his DNA, and it’s not him.”

She froze. “What?”

“He’s not the Piano Man. You have the wrong guy.”

“That’s impossible. That’s him. I know it is.”

“If you pull that trigger, you’re gonna kill an innocent man. Drop the gun.”

Regina whimpered as she realized what she had done, and she quickly elected to drop the weapon like we asked her to. Morgan hurried over to pick it up. While he moved out of the way and Emily went to restrain Regina for the next part, I leaned over to help Hamilton to his feet. Hotch held out his cuffs for me. For a moment, I hesitated. I had my own cuffs, and I was capable of making the arrest on my own… Why was he… And then I saw the plea on his face. He wanted me to make the arrest, but he wanted it to be an apology, too. He was sorry for being overprotective when I clearly didn’t need it, he was sorry for all of the lies, he was sorry for what happened to me long before he met me, and he was sorry for acting weird during this case. So, I took the cuffs and silently thanked him.

“Hamilton Bartholomew, you’re under the arrest for the rapes of twelve women and the murder of Vanessa Campbell,” I said while cuffing him. His face immediately dropped as his entire world flipped on its head. I made sure to tighten the cuffs until they hurt. “Asshole.” And then I started reading him his Miranda Rights.

----

When we got back to Virginia, the team headed back to the office to grab some work that had been left around before we left, and to make sure that they had everything from their go-bags so that they could replace them tomorrow. While everyone packed up, I sat down at my desk when I saw that Hotch was just sitting in his office, already nose deep in paperwork. He didn’t seem to be in any rush. I checked my watch to look at the time. It was too late to go anywhere fancy, but there was still time to head to our favorite diner… Or maybe we could just go home and eat something there. Since it was so late, Jack and Scarlet were still at Jessica’s house, which meant that we had the whole house to ourselves. I thought Hotch would’ve been jumping at the chance. He must have forgotten. It was Valentine’s Day, and he forgot. Great.

“Hey. I know that Hotch looks busy up there… on Valentine’s Day… Us loners on the team are heading out for drinks, if you want to come. Hang out with the cool kings like old times,” he teased. I smiled lightly at him before looking back at Hotch. “Hey, sunshine,” Morgan caught my attention again, “I’m sure he didn’t forget. Just come drink with us for a bit.”

“I don’t think—”

“Come on, your three children can afford to not see you for a couple more hours.”

“Three?” I raised a brow. Either he miscalculated or I forgot something very important about myself.

Morgan chuckled and nodded. “You know; Jack, Scar, and Hotch. Three.”

I chuckled with him, “Touché.” My face fell flat again as I turned back to Hotch’s office windows to gauge what he was doing. He seemed so distracted with work, not at all in a rush to sweep me off to somewhere secret and romantic. He really did forget. “Alright,” I answered Morgan’s offer. “Just a few drinks.”

I stood with my things. As we started walking out of the bullpen, Morgan threw his arms across my shoulders, pulling me in for a friendly, reassuring hug. I needed it. While I was putting on a brave face and was trying to feign excitement about going out with the team, I really thought that Hotch and I were going to do something special for Valentine’s. I knew that we had been too tangled up in the case for a reservation somewhere nice. I knew that he was still worried about my reaction after interrogating Scobie, but… I would’ve subbed for him. I trusted him and loved him. I would have done that for our fifth Valentine’s together.

I tried to forget about it all when we stepped into the bar. Rossi had insisted on paying for everyone, so Morgan and I started competing to see who could drink more—which was a helpful way to forget about how sad I was that my own fucking husband forgot what day it was. At least it wasn’t my birthday. Or maybe even our anniversary. But still… It was Valentine’s… How could he forget that?

I drank again.

Emily joined in once she heard about our little competition, but Rossi and Reid stayed out of it. Rossi was gently sipping on a scotch while eyeing a group of women across the bar, probably searching for the fourth Mrs. Rossi. Reid, on the other hand, wasn’t drinking. Well, kinda. He didn’t exactly “drink” like we did, but Rossi got him a soda.

“So, Y/N, it’s Valentine’s Day,” Rossi began. I nodded while picking up my drink. “Why are you here with us instead of ‘training’ with Hotch?”

“Training?” Prentiss inquired before downing another shot.

“Oh, yeah.” Rossi smirked. “They call it jogging; I call it catching them doing it in the car after they’ve jogged all morning.” I nearly spit out my drink. Everyone else laughed along with Rossi. “I’m never going back to that park, I swear it,” he said through his laughs.

I kicked Morgan’s shin under the table to make him stop laughing, but that only seemed to encourage it more.

Suddenly, the door of the bar flew open, letting in the cold winter air, making me shiver. I silently cursed which ever asshole it was that was just standing there. But then the door still didn’t close. I rolled my eyes and sat up straight to look around the back of the booth and yell at whoever it was, but then I stopped when I realized. Hotch. He was standing there, wet and freezing from the rain, holding a bouquet of roses while anxiously glancing around the bar in search of me. Holy shit.

I stood on the seat of the booth, then jumped over the back. Everyone at the table stopped talking to watch what I was doing. Hotch only noticed me when I was running at him, my arms open wide for a hug, and he finally let the door close behind him so that he could catch me. I jumped into his arms. Hotch immediately started kissing me, towering over me when I fell back with the passion he gave me. My back nearly fucking broke before he let up.

“I am… so, so, so, so, so, so—”

“Aaron,” I interrupted his ramble before he could keep going all night.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m such a freakin’ idiot.”

“No, you’re not.” I shook my head.

“I swear, I’m going to make it up to you.”

“Mmm…” I slid my hands up his chest. “Well, I still haven’t claimed my prize for winning our jog yesterday…”

Hotch smirked and held my chin up with his fingers. “You’re right. You wanna cash in the win?”

I nodded and bit my lip. “More than anything.”

He leaned down slowly and kissed me. “Okay.” He kissed me again. “I love you.”

“I love you, too…” I flung my arms around his neck and let him hold me close for a moment as we continued to kiss passionately, hardly pulling back for air.

The team, still sitting at the table behind us, started whistling and cheering us on. Hotch and I finally parted completely, separating and turning so that we could look at the team, both of us glowing a bright pink with a blush. Rossi raised his cup at us.

“Go train, you two!” Emily teased. Morgan held her bicep as he almost toppled over with laughter. “Happy Valentine’s, or whatever. Don’t make it a free show next time.”

“She’s got a point,” Garcia added.

Hotch spun me around and gently pushed me towards the door. “Goodnight, you guys. Don’t get too drunk.”

“You are three drinks too late, my friend,” Rossi replied.

Hotch caught my waist as I pushed on the doors of the bar and stepped out into the cold Virginian winter air. I laughed as I fell against him. He lifted me slightly and pulled me close before spinning us around in a circle. I laughed harder and started hitting gently at his hands to force him to let go of me, but he did no such thing. It wasn’t until someone else came out of the bar that he relented. I stumbled on my feet, then turned to face him. I held his face in my hands, staring at how handsome he was in the moonlight, and how I loved him more than anything in the world, and that I would literally die for him if I had to. I never felt like that with anyone else before. I mean, there was one person that I had loved before him, but this was… real… This was infinite. It felt like being at home and being endlessly safe when I was in his arms and looking at him. How did I get so lucky?

“Are you going to stare all night or are we going to head home?” he whispered.

“Little bit of both.”

He chuckled. “I love you, Y/N Hotchner.”

I tangled my fingers in his hair. “I love you, Aaron Hotchner.”

And then we kissed again.

-----------

criminal minds family: @gorgeousdarkangel @peggy1999 @alex--awesome--22 @oceaneblu @brithedemonspawn @absolutemarveltrash @bshelley322 @rousethemouse @sunshinepower17 @weexinling @pettttyyyc​ @Braty-angel

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Breeding A Human Chapter Two

Masterlist

Its a few weeks since Kal has claimed you and ...He might be more unstable then you first thought. But your learning to navigate him but your question now is what does it mean to be mated by a kryptonian? And better yet can you reverse it? 

Warnings: Adult Situations 18+,Swearing ,Manipulative Behavior,Yandere,Non Con WHEN I SAY NON CON I MEAN NON CON DON'T LIKE IT DON'T FUCKING READ IT STOP READING SHIT YOU DON'T LIKE!!, Breeding Kink, Mentions of Forced Pregnancy, Angst, Spanking, Threatening Behavior,  Threats of Violence

A/N: So found this hard to write....well I couldn't write it in one go had to take a few breathers whether that’s good of bad I'm not sure, was a bit of a bugger to keep the mad yandere theme going but I hope I succeeded xx

Taglist: @thatdamncutegirl @sofiebstar​ @iloveyouyen​ @thefangirlsblog​ @lux-ravenwolf​ @thatgirly81​

You sat down on the floor in the living room against the wall hidden, things are...Hard. Your neighbor who spotted you and Kal the other week had told your other neighbors and friends who told their friends who told their friends and on and on. There had been small snippets in the news and media about superman possibly having a lover but everything was still rumor and speculation...Well it was until yesterday someone must have got access to the police report of the incident at the house. Because yesterday your face was plastered all over the papers and this morning you awoke to reporters pounding on your door at seven am each hounding you for the scoop wanting an interview with 'Supermans woman'. You wasn't sure why but it seemed Kal had all but abandoned you to deal with it, probably wanting to see if youd say something to them; tell them the truth it was a test. You wont, you cant the retribution and backlash wouldn't be worth it, you didn't want to imagine Kals reaction...He would flip his shit....Again your not sure you would survive superman's displeasure again as his 'mate' your corrections were of a very specific nature.

So here you were alone hiding in your own home with your wooden blinds shut tight trying to ignore the crowd of people outside snapping photos of your home and calling for you to come out and chat. The papers yesterday had all plastered a photo taken of you both when he saved you from the water all those months ago. The headlines all along the same lines of 'confimred Superman's human lover. The secret love affair' and 'Love at first sight? Superman's girlfriend finally revealed!' And your personal favorite just from the sheer cheesyness 'The star crossed lovers! Krypton and Earth collide!' There was many other shitty headlines they must have just found out it was true after digging around.

Each knew who you were and where you lived, some of them had interveiws from 'witnesses' from the day he pulled you from the water 'He wouldn't let her go not even to the paramedic's. You could tell he was shaken up it must have been terrible for him to see her in the water like that!...You could tell there was something there between them, I have no doubt they were a couple already! They were even bickering!. He even protected her from being arrested for jumping in after the little girl! No one could get near her...He was probably in shock he just held her close ~It was so romantic seeing him protect her like that you could tell it was true love~' you scoffed bullshit! If only they knew what followed. Some even questioned if you were fucking secretly married!

You sat wiping your eyes crying softly, your life had gone to shit in a few short months and you was at rock bottom. Trapped in your own home by a media frenzy who wanted the story ...What could you tell them? the truth? 'superman stalked me, isolated me and manipulated me into thinking I was borderline schizophrenic convincing me I had ptsd and was going mad then raped me when I found out he was a fucking nut job and when the police showed up I was to scared to say anything because he was upstairs'

Somehow you didn't think they would buy that, they wanted a fairy tale! not the truth and if you did tell the truth you'd get a shit tonne of hate. And Kal? Well you didn't want to risk angering him again. He threw fits at you, bouts of anger that always terrified you and each time you were reminded. He was not human. Nowhere near it! He nearly perforated your ear drums from shouting at you last week you couldn't afford to anger him. So instead you opted to remain silent.

In the days since his rape mating Kal had stuck around he was here each night he didn't leave anymore either...Well not properly, he still flew off into the night to maintain order in the city and save people from disasters around the world but he didn't leave to go home a night. He did however leave in the morning and he was out all day like clock work almost like he had a job. Each day would start with him in your bed sometimes just watching you other times you awoke to him slipping between your thighs using your body to satisfy himself, you tried not to resist it was hopeless he would do what he wanted.

He claimed you were his mate and as his mate you had a duty to please him, he said to think of yourself as his wife and he had very traditional views on how his home life should be, bare foot in the kitchen sprang to mind. Preferably pregnant to, he was obsessed with wanting you to become pregnant and you do mean obsessed. After fucking you full to the point of pain he spent hours just watching your stomach, following his release with his all seeing gaze as it traveled into your womb willing it to hit its mark. He is adamant that he wants to see the exact moment that you conceive, the creation of his child! And you can never forget what he is doing either. He holds you in an elevated position trying to get the best chance all the while rubbing your stomach and ribs giving you a monologue of what his cum is doing, where it is how close he is to fertilizing you. It made you feel sick but what could you do? Fight him?

He was very pleased with himself always claiming that this was right, it was how nature intended and that it was just taking you longer to feel the bond you had because you was human. Kal was sure once you became pregnant  that tiny ounce of kryptonian blood in your child would kick start your own mateing bond for now you had to trust him. So obsessed and desperate to have you 'bred' he helped himself to you as and when he saw fit, his 'love making' literally lasted hours he called it many things 'sex, fucking, lovemaking' but it was rape however you refrained from calling it that now he got all angry glowy eyes which was...Not fun especially when the molten eyes were inches from yours as he held you down and 'corrected' you with his cock, splitting you open mercilessly and unprepared trying to breed you like a bitch in heat. And true to his word he had kept you quiet not from holding back oh god no. He now had a solution if you began to struggle or get to 'fiesty' he would simply place fingers in your mouth and pin down your tongue as a painful reprimand to 'bring you back in line' and it usually did in a few short moments to frightened to struggle much longer in fear of him snapping your jaw.

You had tried to run a few days after your first time, hoping that you could at least get a one way plane ticket you doubted he would rip open the plane and risk everyone just to get to you, he seemed to need his golden boy image to cover his tracks. Unfortunately as you tried making your escape your neighbor was in the garden biting at the bit to talk to you wanting to know the ins and outs. You had real trouble trying to get out of the conversation she was a determined gossip.

"So you wrangled yourself a hero?! Wow tell me whats he really like? Where did you two meet? Was it the bridge? I bet it was the bridge! That’s so romantic! Him saving your life and falling in love, it sounds like a real life fairy tale! I'm almost jealous" You had shivered if only she knew, you wanted to just ignore her and run off but you'd already stopped and turned to her you cursed yourself for it when you looked to her. Mrs Ellis AKA the local rumor mill, well known for getting into everyone else's business, she was kind enough but two faced and nosy. She was married and in her early forties with one adult son who was just as bad as his mother. You plastered on a shy smile just give her a few tit bits to mull over and you'd be out of here!

"No it....I'm not sure how it happened he just managed to make himself apart on my life...I didn't have much say to be honest" she had giggled and covered her red cheeks fanning her self.

"I bet! I'm sure no one can stop that man when he is determined! We heard it infact~" you blushed and looked away scanning the sky apprehensively you really didn't want to be caught out of the house by him, he wont like it as his mate you were supposed to rely on him for everything therefore had no reason to leave. Seeing the conversation start to halt before she got what she wanted she smiled again continuing.

"We were all worried around here for a few weeks... We thought you were going off the deep end can you believe that? None of us suspected your strange behavior was just because you had yourself a new man...It was because you were with him wasn't it?" and there we go the snooping disguised as friendly chat. You looked around quickly okay you had enough you needed to leave.

"I...Yes yes it was...Mrs Ellis I'm sorry to be rude but I'm kind of in a rush-" her face lit up"OH! are you sneaking out? let me guess going to cook your man a slap up romantic meal?! you know I did the same to Earl when we first got together! Oh to be oung again~ just remember good food is the way into a mans heart~" you smiled at her and moved your hands in a shrugging gesture.

"You've caught me Mrs Ellis! He has no idea what I have planned...So if he comes over could you try and stall him ...Stop him from coming looking for me? just say I've popped out...."

"Huh? why would he be looking for- Would he be worried about you?!~ oh that is so sweet! your so lucky to have him fawn over you, Must feel so nice having him all macho and protective~. That being said I can understand why you've been so skittish. I'd be skittish to if I was dating a man like that." You frowned at her confused man like that? Did she know? would she believe you if you told her?

"A...A man like what?" She gasped placing a hand to yours thinking she had offended you.

"Oh no! Oh honey I didn't...I didn't mean nothing by it! I'm not one of those 'alien go home' lackey's I merely meant him being a hero..He's bound to have enemies so I would have been careful to and I'm sure you both didn't want the media knowing but they will find out soon honey...Sorry I'm getting this all wrong...All I'm trying to say is I'm happy for you! Right well I won't keep you, you go get your man his dinner! But if you ever need anything or just to talk pop round and we can have a chit chat- even bring him I'm sure he and Earl would get along as us women have a chat!" you thanked her and made your way half way down the lawn with promises of talking to him about it...But no you had absolutely no intentions of going round there...or staying here for that matter?If all went well youd be out of the country by tonight!.

It was when you got nearly three houses down the road your heart stopped ,there it was the boom of him reentering the atmosphere above. You turned looking at him he was hovering staring at the house, looking for you from here you could tell he was becoming aggravated. You got another two steps then your neighbor gave you away gasping and giggling at you then shouted across the open lawns.

"Oh y/n I think you have a visitor~ should I get my ear plugs ready?~" You closed your eyes feeling Kal’s gaze snap to you ignoring her comment you moved your hand clutching your bag tighter, he would know and you were going to be in for it! The street seemed to get quiet, the people that had been out doing yard work now staring as he barrelled down towards you stopping a few feet above you then lowered down to the ground smiling eerily at you.

"Mate? I thought you were staying in today...You know I'm not keen on you going out without me knowing..." he was quick to wrap himself around you ushering you back towards the house glanced over you and frowned slightly seeing your larger bag.

"Just where do you thing your off to...with your passport?" You could hear the growl creep in to his voice.

"Just in to town...Want some wine is all and sometimes they say my license is fake so I take my passport to...I didn't think you'd be home till tonight" Mrs Ellis laughed shaking her head at you.

"Oh dear why not tell him, even with all this feminism there is nothing wrong with wanting to feed your man!" Kal turned his head to the woman putting on a charming smile, his eyes lit up happily and he turned back to you.

"Cook? You were going to cook for me? Oh mate that’s- thank you love that very thoughtful" you shook your head seeing he was taking the white lie to heart, he must think you were going to start complying with this fucked up 1950s house wife shit show. Mrs Ellis laughed and waved a hand

"Oh dear stop being so fussy!" She turned to Kal rolling her eyes

"Of course she doesn't want to admit it! but she just told me she was off to get groceries she wanted to cook for you...I swear these younger women and their distaste for traditional house wives, seriously raising a family is just as important as any career!" he moved towards you winding an arm around your waist tugging you to his side

"I couldn't agree more~ Family is everything" he spun you around placing a kiss to your cheek in front of the older woman making her coo, he was curling around you putting on a show, making the display look ...Romantic pulling you to him tucking you under his arm. His laugh was all the warning you got before he spoke loud enough for the other neighbors on the near by lawns to hear.

"Really love? Well I thank you, truly I love the idea of you trying to take care of me! but you know I don't need you to do that my love~" he paused to give you a wicked smile self assured in his next little public claim over you

"No no ,I'd much prefer to come home to you ready to try again after all our child wont make itself" Your eyes widened he had practically fucking shouted it! Your neighbor gasped

"O-oh my y/n you failed to mention that you were trying for a baby!..That’s wonderful! you know you'd make an excellent Mother" He stopped and through her a shinning smile

"So we are going to go public love? I mean you were talking about me? And you are Mrs Ellis if I'm not mistaken?" He moved you across to the woman and held out a hand.

"Its very nice to meet you properly ma'am...I’m-" she flushed red and took his hand

"S-superman- I know who you are-" he smiled laughing moving to press a kiss to the top of your head.

"Oh please call me Kal...After all we are going to be neighbors isn't that right love?" You took a deep breath and nodded slowly unable to say anything he was cunning.

"N-neighbors your moving in?" He laughed and squeezed you to him.

"Absolutely! I practically have already...Well I'm afraid that we must be going as I said before our child wont make themselves...Well not on the lawn anyway~" he winked as the older woman blushed fanning herself

"Oh my~ ah and don’t worry about any visitors haha we wont call anyone..If you get my meaning just have fun deary~" he smiled again Thanking her before ushering you into the house slamming the door with finality you knew that Mrs Ellis was already inside on her phone to her friends.

Once inside he quickly grabbed your chin squeezing pinning you back against the wall seething.

"You try to leave this house-Leave me again and I'll melt all the fucking locks and hinges on every door and window~" you whimpered as he moved fishing out your passport and burned hole through it to make a point, you wasn't leaving.Ever. Well...there was one way out.

You can honestly say that was the first time it had truly sunk in. The first time you had considered other more permanent options. It was just a fleeting thought...Until it wasn’t and you sat back really considering it a few days later. The question was could you do it? Could death be an escape from all this madness? From his madness? You shook your head.No. No no you can’t think like that yet...There must be a way! And escape but who the fuck could save you from Superman? Who was it you needed to call? You'd given up for the time being you needed a plan but ass the days became weeks you were loosing hope fast. If you were gonna do it, it had to be sooner rather then later you doubted even you'd be able to do it if you did fall pregnant. Because god help you if you failed and only killed the child...

You yelped as another loud knock was at your door calling out for you to just answer a few questions. You tucked into a tighter ball whining wanting them to all go away. Suddenly there it was, the sound that made your stomach go cold, Kal had come back you heard the people outside calling out to him in a mad rush, but they sounded less threatening less pushy. You felt him looking at you huddled up in the corner peeking through the walls of the house.

Kal moved slowly down to the ground landing softly in the front yard he turned seeing you there cowering in the living room. He growled at your distress and snapped his head to the reporters a frown on his face. He wanted to burn them for upsetting his mate but instead settled for sweeping them with a fierce look. They each instantly calmed that was then he spoke evenly giving them a sharp look. They disregarded his stern gaze and all bombarded him with questions he knew they wont leave until they had something

"I'd ask that you leave my mate and I alone this...Human kryptonian mating bond has been difficult for us to navigate...And we are not ready to give statements yet..."  he hoped that admitting to a mating bond would give the reporters enough but sighed when it hadn't.

"Mating bond? Like soulmates?" He looked to the reporter and gave a stiff nod

"Yes...As you can imagine with us being...Me being who and what I am it is difficult...And, I find myself driven on...Baser instincts when it comes to her. My need to protect her is....Very hard to control at this time and you have terrified her! She is cowering in her own home so for your own safety I'd ask you to leave" The reporters fell silent when he growled out his last words all thinking the same thing. Did he just threaten them? Rightly or wrongly they didn't want to stay and find out He stood tall arms crossed giving the large group a fierce stern glare ,they each nodded and began to back away all muttering apologies and agreeing to his requests.He turned to you again you felt him you were looking right at him shaking in fear, these animals have frightened you his poor sweet mate. You must have been terrified with them pounding on the door shouting at you all day.

But then again that's what he hoped for, he wants you to move willingly. That is why he decided against just stealing you away while you slept. Now that he was here with you the urge to fly of into the sunset with you had died down, he hopes that if you still want to leave this house you will ask him to take you away.

That way he could take you to his prepared home in Kansas a small ranch miles away from ...Well everything! It was perfect and if anything goes awol he shouldn't have to chase you down and correct you, oh no you'd come crawling back! It was nearly a twelve hour walk across flat crop fields of course he wouldn't have a vehicle on the property and if you did try to leave hoofing it for all that time it was flat ground surrounding the property one high fly and he'd have your location asap and have you home for a punishment.

Maintaining the place shouldn't be hard the crops he could do himself in seconds when the time came..Everyone always did call him a farm-boy and it was true he was a farm-boy at heart. There was electricity but no phone there's no internet either he would bring you books and films or supplies for any hobby you'd like and you could redecorate until your hearts content. But bottom line was you'd be safe not only that being so far from everyone meant your children would have space to practice there abilities unhindered. Soon. He whispered to himself very soon.

He smiled at you, trying to calm you even if you couldn't see it. He gave one final scowl to the crowd who whether it be instinct or primal fear of him,  they had listened and began leaving. He stayed outside the house guarding you as they slowly trickled away.Once they were all gone he moved up to the house knocking.

"Love....Love they are gone now, come on open up little mate....Mate stop I know your scared and upset but please I've dealt with it your safe now.....My heart?...I will break the door if you don't let me in...One...Two..Two and a half ...Three...Okay you asked for it-" you opened it with a quick scrabbling motion. He smiled quickly stepping over the threshold collecting you in his arms kicking the door shut. You trembled against him they had frightened you! He admonished. You wept into his chest, you had no choice he had smothered you. He held you tightly hushing and cooing at you whispering soft words of encouragement.

"My sweet little mate don't cry, shh I'm here now and I made them leave see?" You nodded at him still shaken you wanted to leave, you wanted out! of this house, the country this whole situation.

But there was no escape! he will not let you leave him, but maybe if you asked he would come to? let you at least move to an new house that didn't have so many bad memories, tho you were better in a sense you wasn't as paranoid or frantic you knew it was him and he didn't hide anymore he flaunted it as much as he could. He was now trapping you in a different sense creating an image of being a consenting loving couple just like the stupid papers said. You sobbed pressing your palms to his chest leaning back to look up at him.

"I-I can't stay here! Kal please...This house I just can't...Can I?...Can I go see that house?...The one in central city?-" he tensed squeezing your arms making you wince growling at you his eyes becoming a bright red for a second then dimmed back to his normal aqua.

"NO! NO YOU MAY NOT!" You cringed trembling he grit his teeth you looked down tears starting anew shaken to the core, this man, this alien terrified you he was obsessive and a fantasist, he was strong, far to strong just one misplaced squeeze of a finger and you were a goner. He took a breath and moved pinching your chin softly making you meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry love...Your not leaving me, I couldn't bare to lose you not now..Not ever" your heart dropped to your stomach at his words you knew that you couldn't escape him but you couldn't stay here either! you swallowed blinking and tried to reason with him, plead with him to grant even the smallest of mercies.

"Then...Then somewhere here! A house they don't know! Please please I can't stay here! They will be back! Please Kal I'm begging you, I'm scared Kal I don't want them to know where I live...Please?" he stayed silent looking down at you he supposed letting you look for somewhere in Metropolis wasn't a bad idea, you were already referring to him for permission. Trusting his judgment letting him take the lead as a good little female does, acknowledging him as your mate and higher up. He could just turn down all the options until you ask him to choose then he can finally bring you home willingly just as he planned.

"I will think about it...I may have just the place for us~...But that is for another day for now its time for us to try again...I still haven't bred you today and your ovulating again" you closed your eyes as he moved closer taking a deep breath smelling your neck then lower pressing the tip of his nose to the top of your breast.

"You smell-your scent is...UGH fuck its divine your skin it just releases it-its like a fucking drug!" You trembled looking down with little hope already knowing how this ends before its begun. He moved back a step and pressed a hand to your stomach, he still hadn't taken it was a shame but he would not let it faze him, he had a plan and he would continue filling you until you were carrying his child.

"Come love things will be better once your growing with my seed" you whimpered at the thought and shook our head.

"Kal I don't want I'm not ready-"

"Of course you are! I can fucking smell it your body is screaming out for me! Stop saying stupid things!" He snapped before you even finished your sentence, you looked down trying to hold back tears and shook you didn't want to do anything with him, yet refusing will only drag out the whole ordeal making it painful.

You knew that last few weeks had been a dream for him a fantasy of his own making. Being with you making sure you were 'safe' he was always happy sleeping in the same bed after rutting and filling your tight little cunt for what felt like hours. He had hoped that you'd be pregnant by now but never complained for long he enjoyed the intimacy, loved holding you down and painting your insides marking your womb as his territory in the most carnal and depraved ways.

He was a monster driven on pure feral instinct, he had explained it may be hard for you to fall pregnant due to the kryptonian's past that was his excuse to fucking you every which way filling you as many times as he could until your stomach was distended and swollen. He had explained in his lust fueld rants as he impaled you down onto his fat shaft that he wasn't sure why his kind had resorted to the artificial chambers to produce children. He did however assume it was because there was a problem with conceiving naturally. You'd once asked snidely if it was even possible for him to impregnate you it had been a bad day and you for some reason wanted to provoke him, make him as upset as you.

It did the trick he became enraged with the possibility but instead of pulling out from your bruised body and leaving in a mood like you'd hoped. He had done the opposite and had fucked you for nearly twenty four hours straight, the only break you had was to use the bathroom and that had driven him further into his frenzy claiming you were trying to dispose yourself of his cum. Trying to wash away his hard work! that you were refusing to fall pregnant as if by some magical way you had control of it! He had been brutal in his thrusts once you began to chafe he had kindly provided you with his own freezing cold saliva again making sure you felt thoroughly punished with each almost violent thrust.

You'd bled that night. He had been to rough and had torn you. 'Nothing you didn't deserve' at least that's what he had said. It was your fault apparently for resisting him and wriggling to much, you had laid there and cried sobbed your heart out for hours. It was hour later when he began to get worried as the bleeding slowed but did not stop he had held you tightly stroking your tummy. He shushed you before doing the most traumatic thing he'd ever done to you. Something you'd never forget or forgive him for putting you through. The tear was small but bled quite a bit and was in a tricky spot seemingly at the back of your opening each time you moved the bleeding picked up again so he had decided to cauterize to wound. You'd screamed and thrashed crying louder then before kicking out at him as he held your legs wide and 'healed' you. That was the first time you'd begged him to kill you. He brushed off your pleas just thinking that you had a low pain tolerance. But it wasn't, in that excruciating moment you wanted him to do it, to just hurry up and end you but he had laughed you off and gotten you an ice pack instead ordering you to lay splayed with your wound covered while he had a shower and left you in the bedroom alone.

That had been just over a week ago and was the last time he'd had you he was almost certain he had taken and wanted to let you recover but with his eyes he could see you had not been fertilized and was now once again determined to have you again despite the wound nearly completely healed you were terrified of going through that ordeal again.

He moved you both into the house away from the door moving you to the stairs. You twisted in his grasp trying to capture the banister as he made his way up the stairs he just sighed continuing forcing you to let got and screech at him.

"No Kal! Please KAL NO!" he clicked his tongue at you and began scolding you moving to tug you up the stairs by one large hand engulfing your bicep tugging harshly making you cry out as your hand slipped off the polished wooden post and you stumbled hitting your knees on the step before you and cried out again.

"F-FUCK AH NO! KAL NOT AGAIN PLEASE" you took a breath trying to make him see sense

"K-kal I-I'm not healed enough-" he just raised his arm pulling your back up he was stoic as he dragged you behind him warning and cooing at you all in one as he spoke.

"Love! what have I said about all that noise?..Now that's enough if they phone the police again you wont be answering the door in a sheet! Oh no ,I'll be answering it with you split open on my cock! And let everyone in the street see how good your cunt looks wrapped around it! now stop all this silliness you know that I will win in the end~" his voice was stern and exasperated like trying to talk sense in to a naughty child.

"K-kal I'm not refusing you please PLEASE JUST JUST LISTEN!...Your supposed to wait at least two weeks after you tear- even after birth its two to four weeks-pleas I don't want to, if we do and something goes wrong kal I might not be able to give birth properly later!" You panicked trying to convince him to say anything that would make him stop for a second. He smiled and pulled you closer tucking your head to his chest.

"Oh love no~no its not the same I healed you remember? It helped you! it wasn’t stitches I closed the wound my love your fine now and besides you’d have another nine months to heal...I'm not going to fuck you once your pregnant well not there anyway~...I’d never ever risk our child like that now trust me!" You cried really not wanting him to get angry like last time but you couldn't help but struggle against him it was just a natural reaction you did want it! Not only that you had anxiety over it now that he had hurt you accidentally, it brought home the fact that he was an alien. He moved to hold both of our arms tugging you forward and up onto his shoulder. He was worried he didn't want to break your fingers by tugging to hard when you latched onto the door frames and such.

"No! can we-KAL WAIT!-No can't we have dinner first or-or something Kal please- Please not now! not now!" You yelped kicking and slapping at him trying to get him to put you back down quickly becoming desperate to get away. He laughed twisting you out of the door frames reach as he entered the bedroom.

"Nonsense why eat now just to build up an appetite when I'm filling you~ Now I really would be quiet if I was you I'm not sure if all the media have left or not you don't want them to overhear and have an article about that now do you?" you froze gobsmacked was he teasing or being serious at this point you couldn't tell he would do and say anything to get you to be compliant, all you could do was whine and panic you knew it was futile to resist but it was ...It was hard.

You snapped at him trying to bite  at his neck as Kal had made it into the bed room and was lowering you. He caught your jaw swiftly.

"Bit at me again my love and I will bite back much harder" You struggled feebly against his hand on your jaw he gave a quick shake of your face.

"Understand?" You looked up tearfully

"I said do you understand female?" You shuddered at the dark voice the pure alpha male tone he managed that shamefully aroused you, you nodded meekly as much as you could with the vice like grip on your face he just nodded with a quiet 'good girl' then proceeded to launch you through he room you landed with and indignant squeak you rolled over to your back watching him approach through teary eyes.

"I am growing tired of this love...I have decided that I should resort to some more...Traditional methods with you" you held up your hands willing him away he mocked you slightly as he stood at the bottom of the bed moving to pull himself free from the suit.

"W-what do y-you mean?" You choked on a sob eyes cast over him seeing just what was awaiting you as his cock strained against the fabric.

"Oh my love come now your a clever girl~ I'm sure you'll realize soon enough...I don't know why your whimpering so? And kicking up such a fuss you always enjoy it in the end why all this fighting? I make you cum don't I? make you see stars as I make love to you? I don't have to,  I could just rip into you unprepared, fuck you dry but do I? No because I love you and I want our love making to be pleasurable for the both of us...Shh come on love...I wont dry fuck you...I promise....It would be to much for your tiny body....Look ok just lay back I promise I will be gentle this time~" his reassurance did nothing to calm you as he slipped completely out of the suit letting it fall carelessly to the floor. "I said lay back...Do not test me mate"

You weighed up the options and shuffled back to the head board whimpering as he approached you the muscles above his huge cock were tensing making the thick angry rod slap on his stomach leaving tiny spots of pre-cum across it the veins throbbing bulging much like the rest of him. He tilted his head at you waiting at the end on the bed.

"Mate come on~ won't you lay down for me? Be a good girl I've told you I'm not going to be rough today I promise-"

"Your always rough! You always hurt me!" You shouted already panicking not wanting him to touch you at all you cowered from him trying to curl tighter into a smaller ball willing him to leave you alone. He clenched his jaw neck twitching then dropped his head looking to the stiff cock jutting out and sighed.

"..I will admit our size difference can cause our lovemaking to be uncomfortable-" you growled at him

"NO! NOT JUST THAT YOU HURT ME KAL EVERYTIME YOU FORCE ME!"

"THEN YOU SHOULD BEHAVE!" You squeaked covering your ears his voice so loud it hurt, he sighed moving a hand through his hair. He hated this, your fear and refusal of him, he tried not to get mad but it was frustrating dealing with it, you-he his soul was bonded to yours yet you didn't feel a thing! He always got the brunt of it! It wasn't fair!

"I'm strong! And I-I struggle with my strength and humans! Especially you! I don't mean to hurt you but- your mine! My mate and I have a right to fuck you and fill you as I see fit. Now lay down just lay down LAY DOWN!" You tensed as he raised his voice he was going red and quivered. You feared one day he would accidentally snap a bone or-or puncture something whilst holding you down...Maybe that's why you did it? So he would kill you put an end to all this? It was the only way you were getting away.

Your thoughts were interrupted as Kal gripped and ankle and pulled ripping the leg straight and yanking you down the bed before flipping you to your stomach you scrabbled trying to get away but he struck you. His heavy palm landed o your cheeks your leggings offered no protection as his hot hand spanked you. You screamed out tensing your ass as he continued

"Its time you behaved! Time you realized your place! You are my mate-my lover mine! You hear me? MINE! And you will start to act like it or face consequences! Now get your clothes off and lay down like a good loving MATE, I'll not have you ruin a chance to conceive because your being a silly little human! These games stop now!" You wailed kicking out at him hurting your own foot scrabbling pulling the covers beneath you trying to get away but all you did was bundle the sheets at your tummy. Your foot throbbed from connecting with his hard frame one foot was still in his grasp he used it to tug you closer landing sharper blows to your thighs you wailed sobbing and rolled trying to throw him off but he twisted his hand placing you back on your front. His hand seemed to get heavier with each blow bruising and stinging your flesh all in one you screeched high as he moved and struck you harder still on the underside of your cheeks his large palm covering both at once, finally he stopped and threw your foot down to the mattress in frustration you cried sobbing pitifully in to your pillow that you'd dragged down in your bid to crawl away.

That was the first time he'd done that, he must be getting frustrated with you now he moved over clutching your throbbing cheeks digging in his fingertips to border pain.

"That is what I mean about traditional methods... You will be a good mate, a good obedient female, wife and mother! You will do as you are told when you are told or I will bring you to hand. Right now I am telling you, get your clothes off and ready yourself! Its time to be bred woman..Now move before you really have something to cry about!" You got up on hands and knees shaking through your sobs and tugged off your tshirt. It was no use maybe you should just give in...Find something in this fucked up relationship to cling to...Could you ignore him?  and the things he did if you had a baby? A child to fawn over and use that to forget your fear and hate of its father?

Kal shifted pleased you were doing as you were told and he couldn't wait to see his marks on your ass. He should have spanked you weeks ago! It seemed to do the trick getting you back into line. Sure it was a little ...undignified but you needed a firm hand! He had known that for a while but had been putting it off worried you'd stray to far from him...But who was he kidding? he loved you and you him, you were mates and once pregnant you'd feel it to he knew you would you had to...and even if you didn't its not like you could disappear with his child, the world knew you were his the league knew and were keeping tabs on you and if all fails and the ranch in Kansas doeskin work there's always the fortress.

You were strange and confusing, for a few days you'd be docile and compliant a perfect house wife, cooking and cleaning letting him do as he pleased. Then you'd act up and need a little reminding of your place, he thought he could fuck the point across to you but spanking had yeilded better results already. He bit his lip as you curled your fingers around the elastic of your leggings and pulled them down slowly revealing a red bottom. His cock jerked. Fuck that was- there was something sexy about your meek demeanor doing as you were told, pulling your own bottoms down and showing off a beautiful round blistered little ass.

Once the bottoms where at your knees Kal moved forward grabbing them and yanked pulling them completely off. You moved to lay down as he had been ordering you to but he caught your tender ass in his hands you whined when he did, his hand caressed your sore bottom reminding you of his ownership.

"Now if you'd been good you would be allowed to lay back and be ravished nicely I'd make you cum before fucking you.... But now your not ,oh no now your in for a harsh fuck-getting a fucking with a sore ass!...I'm sorry love but this is for your own good,you have to learn mate" he moved a hand across your back fisting it in your hair and tugged craning your neck back you whimpered tears falling from your eyes and you pleaded trying to reason with him.

"K-kal I'm sorry please please don't hurt me- I don't mean to-"

"shh shh my love I know...I know its your human flaw...But you must understand you cannot fight me you can't fight this" he moved his hand in your hard releasing the tendrils and rubbed your scalp slowly with sting fingers almost lovingly.

"We-we can never be apart not now! I've mated you bonded to you on such a deep level, I just wish you'd understand...I love you! And I know you love me so why fight this? You could have everything human women ever dream of! A home, a husband and children! But you-why don't you accept that! Its what I'm offering you! What I want...Its what I'm OWED!" He moved his hands to your hips and brought you back against him his hard cock slipping between your legs running the top of it past your folds in slow fucking motions rocking you across him you cringed but bit you lip not wanting to provoke him further.

"After everything Ive been through!!..I you...You think growing up here was easy for me? Oh no I had to hide love! These powers they- I didn't understand what I was! I kept to myself was ridiculed bullied and cast out! For staying away protecting them!! Then as I grew it got worse! Alone traveling the only person I had was my human mother! Then I saved earth but it wasn't enough! ITS NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU!" As he spoke he began grunting slipping his hot throbbing cock between your labia ghosting your clit making you whine trying to move away but his hands held you controlling your motions as he pressed his head into your shoulders continuing he rambles letting go of some of the baggage.

"I was hailed a hero and fucking turned on when the bill came through!..I saved your race- your planet...Fuck I died! I DIED! To save you again broke my Mothers heart and even then you couldn't let me rest! All you humans do is take take take! Your spoilt and selfish...But now,its my turn!OH FUCK YES AUGH" he moved faster bringing a hand around your front moving to your swollen clit as much as you tried to resist him it was to much, his fingers plucked away at your little nub like a vibrator pulsing on your sensitive flesh before jerking it between his fingers pulling and pinching as his cock ran lengths over your now weeping hole. You grunted softly dropping your head low as your legs trembled under the pleasure you stomach clenching and tensing with his torturous movements, the walls of you cunt quivered contracting wetting his cock even more as it begged to be filled.

"That’s it-fuck yes that's it mate get me nice and ready~ nice and wet ready to fuck you full again~I will save you you know, save all of you again and again ,but I know I will still be told to leave! But I wont not when I'm finally finally given something! Something of my own! To cherish, To love! A mate! You you've given me the prospect of a family and love and acceptance if only you wasn't a human! Why did you have to be human?! You are being selfish just like the rest! But no more...You will not be a selfish woman any more my love~ I've seen your heart-you love and care and want everyone to be better~ I will save you, I will guide you to be better, we will be better~ you'll see!" You moaned as his fingers moved down to press his crown against your twitching muscles you jerked forward moaning crying out again

"NO! NO PLE-KAL PLEASE DON'T PLEASE IM NOT-IM NOT READY I DON'T WANT IT!" He growled grabbing you around your throat squeezing threateningly you gulp as he slowly closed your airways.

"Stay very still~ don't you move love its time~ time to do your duty-your job! Time for you to accept me and my seed to be full and dripping and claimed" you winced gasping for air his voice was different darker more menacing it frightened you more then anything he had ever done he sounded mad truly and utterly stark raving mad. In the panic you moved bringing both hands to his wrists for a second ignoring the thick shaft poised at your waiting hot core.

"K-kal? Kal your-ah fu-fuck I cant- kal breath!" You tried gasping out words to him, you were unable to breath properly fighting his grip for air especially when his hand returned to torment your clit flicking and twisting it almost harshly. You bucked whining unable to stop your grinding as he chuckled his hot breath fanning over you back. He moved leaning over your back harsh words whispered into your ear.

"You know I could just fuck you passed out~ it'd be easier." He chuckled kissing at your earlobe taking it between his teeth and sucking then released.

"But I wont~ I like the sounds you make when you try to deny your body...When you try to ignore my cock as it plunges into your hot little cunt splitting you open and lodges itself inside you spraying your insides drenching your womb until I'm certain no more can fit...Pumping you full like a little whore~" you moaned as  the head of his girth pressed at your opening instantly making your body lurch towards him. He chuckled and moved releasing your neck before you could catch your breath you yelped loud as he bucked forward spearing you back onto him. You clenched your fists into the covers below you embarrassed at how easily he entered you, your juices making his... journey much easier.  He left your clit alone but you still quivered this time around his cock that stretched your insides.

"AAAHH AH FUCK YES THATS IT! GOD GOOD GIRL...SUCH A GOOD MATE!" You whimpered as he pulled back and began rocking slowly making you feel every deep thrust as his head bounced off of your cervix, something you were now used to. You winced as he ploughed into you latching onto your neck suckling dark marks int to soft skin,  biting at your shoulders hard leaving the indentations of his teeth growling and grunting the whole way. You moaned as he tilted his hips and began rutting faster and harder you blushed hearing the wet slurping sounds as your sopping cunt fought to have him inside you. It made you feel sick

"Okay love see Uggghhh fuck yes that’s- oh fuck now remember deep breath one two THREE! Ahughh my god shit shit I'm there, I'm there! Fuck!" You hissed grunting painfully as on three he slammed you back jamming his cock past your tiny soft opening like he did every time he could and held still for a few moments. He caught his breath hissing you simply stayed still at this point what will be will be. You gasped when he began his assault humping and fucking you hard and fast there was no messing around he wanted you full, to cum again and again inside your womb. A man on a mission you squeaked as each thrust of his hips made him slap against your hot bottom his thick thighs punishing you out side as his cock brutalized your insides. It was a terrible mix of pain and pleasure as his heavy full sack swung hitting your engorged clit on each motion of his pistoning hips. He moaned louder and louder as you bit your lip you didn't want him to hear you cum. But you was going to! His body covering yours the sloppy kisses to your neck and the pants his growls in your ears as his cock toyed with your insides swelling and throbbing setting fires in your nerves you bucked back to him you couldn't help it! Maybe you were mates? Maybe that's why you couldn't resist him in the end?

You reared up as he got to much your body shuddering and tensing muscles feeling like they would snap under the pressure. He chuckled feeling you squeeze him trying to milk him.

"See?~ I told you in the end you know who you belong to~ now cum! Cum for me! Your mate your lover cum for your husband!" You did in one silent scream you bucked grinding back on him clamping down on his cock just as his balls tightened and released you shuddered whining as he held you firm against him his sack pressed tight to your little bud almost pinching it between your  two body's. He grunted through laughs looking down rolling his hips slowly making sure you got everything!

"Good...I will never get tired of this~ your body so tiny ans tight but perfect...Made just for me the perfect size for me to breed you~ I love you mate so so much and I will never let you go ever....Now just here move forward..." he shuffled forward kneeling on the bed and pulled you from your doggy position the held your legs spread wide over his knees cock still fully seated inside your core.

"There we go....Yes I know your all tired already just let me do it ...Right there we are stay!" And stay you did. He wasn't done once was never enough he would go as long as he pleased. It was only a few moments later he had sat his ass on the soles of his fee and began thrusting again holding your hips dragging you up and down his flexing thighs feeding you the length of his cock readying you for the second load of the night.

You wept silently into the covers as he moved your body to suit him ,separating yourself from the act trying to ignore the way his meaty cock dragged along your insides sparking the lustful tremors all over again, trying to drown out the sounds of his grunts and praise than and the sounds that escaped you every few breaths quiet gasps and mewls. It was hard but you knew you could blank all of this at least until you came again which you would, you always did maybe that what mates are? He could rape you and you'd still enjoy it? You cant deny the man made you cum again and again, he forced your body to accept him and gave you mind numbing orgasms. Is that what it meant to be mated by a kryptonian? To be raped and feel sick and ashamed of yourself,  to be a fuck toy! A brood mare! No you will not-you will not live your life serving this aliens sex slave fantasy....You were not sex on a shelf!

Clark looked at you as you curled up around the sheets pulling them to your lightly bulged stomach. You were beautiful the red hand prints for your spanking during your love making glowed a light pink and your skin was still decorated with his cum. You'd fallen asleep exhausted before you could run and wipe yourself down like you usually tried to do as soon as he was done.

He growled nostrils flaring this was how he liked you most, fucked out on the bed wearing his cum like a fucking perfume, proof of his love scattered in bites and bruises he had sucked into your skin and finally his hand prints littering your hips waist and arms, he had proven himself to be a strong male again; the perfect male to father strong and healthy children. There was a shiver down his spine that stopped right at his cock, yes he would be a perfect father and mate if only you could feel things like he did.

He growled when the scent of his cum got a little too strong moving to lean over you from above you from the head of the bed, he needed to check and make sure you held his seed long enough! you were curled on your side. He tutted the scent had spiked because you was leaking , he watched as a steady slow stream of creamy seed was escaping all over the sheets, he grumbled 'Its no use on the fucking bed!' he had no choice he had to move you.

You groaned in your sleep but other then that didn't stir he smiled he had done well today! You were in a deep sleep he sat up at the head of the bed legs together and settled you to rest on them, he pulled you up until your shoulders leaned on his abdomen sitting you up slightly then once settled he bent his legs feet flat on the bed taking you with them. He held your knees and pulled up curving you, angling your center up on his thighs. He wanted so desperately to keep you full, his need to breed you was almost painful.

He hoped that his plan will work, he had summarized that your failing to conceive was...well it must be a punishment! He had tried to force kryptonian life mate ideals onto a human, that would never work...No he had to have you as a human to, had to marry you then-then you would be fully his accepting him as your husband and fall pregnant! That was what human women did! What they were taught to do even the nursery rhyme 'First comes love, then comes marriage then comes a baby in a baby carriage!' The idea of children after marriage was so ingrained to young girls that it has to be the reason it must be it! He couldn't think of anything else.

He wasn't sterile! He can't be he was a strong fit healthy male and he wasn't shooting blanks either he-his it just never seemed to take. It must be some strange clause in the mating because he has had you so many times fucking you until your overflowing. 

He has been careful to hold you still like this to give you the best chance and to watch you making sure your not getting rid of him now...But it just something was wrong by all the times he has cum inside you, bypassing your cervix and flooding your womb he should have taken root! He sighed looking you over again sniffing the air, you weren’t leaking anymore he would hold you like this for a while longer then lay you down to rest himself. He didn't need sleep as such but there was something humbling about waking beside you, hearing your soft snores and for a moment all was right in his world. The sun peeking through the blinds, the glow lighting up the room and he could pretend he was waking beside his wife. Sometimes he would close his eyes smiling and listen to the heart beat of one of the neighbors and pretend it was that of his child in the other room sleeping soundly. He opened his eyes looking down at you with a soft grin kissing your head then placed his chin on your shoulder looking down to your slightly bulged stomach still full of him. Today was not the day. But he stayed still watching his seed hopeful.

You woke up the next day the sun peeking through the partially opened blinds letting streams of the golden rays flood into the room. You groaned back aching you twisted slowly realising why. Your hips had been placed on not one not two but three pillows tilting your weight to rest on your shoulders you were tilted quite far, causing your back to bow and curve as if you were leaning forward. You blinked waving your arms around still half asleep you heard a page turn beside you, grunting you rolled over to your side hissing at the knots in your back pulled.

Kal was lounging on his side curved around slightly looking down he was you reading?... He tilted his head scanning the page and spoke still not looking up.

"Morning love..Did you sleep well?" You scoffed

"No...My back hurts...did you keep me like that all night?" He chuckled at you a grin on his lips.

"Yes...I have to try and keep you full how else will I get the job done? You seem to enjoy thwarting my efforts.." he finally looked up at you.

"But..I understand, well I figured it out a few days ago actually...You know I love this picture...The day I found you" his smile was bright it unnerved you.

"What-what are you? I-is that the daily planet?!"

"Yes...I popped out and got it this morning there is a cute little piece on us~ right here" You scrabbled up onto your knees ripping the paper away from him.

"Hey I was reading that!" You quickly scanned the page he was on...Another article on the both of you, 'Children before Marriage? A first hand account from neighbor Mrs Ellis' fuck. You swore and cringed dreading what she was going to have said but had the paper pulled from Your hands by Kal.

"That’s enough of that love! Don’t need you getting worked up! Not with today's plans anyway....now up and at em shower then get ready we have a very special day ahead of us!" You slowly turned to him a sinking feeling in your stomach.

"Why-Kal whats going on? That article who wrote it? I don't understand whats it about!?" He opened his mouth and looked down to the words.

"Nothing much, just that we are trying for a baby already and a few tid bits from what I told the press yesterday that your my life mate and as a inter-species couple we are still finding our way! It would seem a Clark Kent had managed to sneak back and wrangle an interview! I don't really mind it clears up some confusion." You frowned but Kal just grinned and leaned over you, trying to avoid him you shifted back and fell to the pillows behind you he laughed and rolled over you.

"Mate as eager as you are to be beneath me now is not the time~ we are finally making us official!" He leaned in taking in a huge breath smelling you still not pregnant but ovulating with any luck tonight was the night he just had to tread carefully now until today was done no point in letting you act up when he took you out.

He moved kissing your lips opening his eyes letting the red seep into them the threat he now knew worked not that he'd ever do it but you didn't seem to know that , he moved his mouth opening and closing in a sloppy kiss coaxing you to obey and open your mouth. You were getting better slowly. He was looking forward to today, would there be a frenzy? Yes. Would he regret it absolutely not. He had mated you as a kryptonian, fucked and claimed you as he believed his own race does to their mates. Now it was time to mate you as a human complete your binding as life mates then maybe you will finally fall pregnant.

Today unbeknown to you was your wedding day. Kal suckled your tongue groaning as you whined pressing your hands to his shoulders pushing but he crawled up over you rubbing his hands on your legs then stomach. He pulled away leaving you breathless and smiled, he always did love seeing you flushed and panting, pride flooded him as he looked on at you. His mate, his lover and today you would become his wife!

"Now I want your hair up today....Curly but leave a few curls around your face.And secure! We are going flying" Flying? Good with any luck he'd fucking drop you on a telecom's tower and it'd put you out of your misery! Unaware of your morbid thoughts He moved back off of you completely and walked around the bed to the bath room you cringed watching his half hard cock swinging with each step...You wish he would get some other clothes here and cover up you didn't need to see the object of your torture every morning. You shuffled back clamping your legs shut tight after seeing his cock half hard. Kal looked down with a chuckle.

"No...not now love! Gosh you are an insatiable thing aren’t you~ no that is for later for now you just relax as I said today is a big day for you...For us now hurry up"

[littleoddwriter]

Better Than Being Dead | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz | ZsaszMask

Frankly, I have no idea why I suddenly wanted to write this. But, uh, this is just me heavily projecting my Contamination OCD on Roman, because he has it (bc I say so) and- yeah.

summary; Roman has Contamination OCD (but he doesn’t know) and does some pretty irrational and awful things because of it. Victor is there for him.

notes; Contamination OCD; Vomiting; Holding one’s breath; Spitting; Washing one’s hands and body until one is bleeding; (mild) Past Child Abuse and Ableism; Anxiety; Crying; Hurt/Comfort.

Holding his breath, he waited until these people have passed him and then a few moments longer than that, just to be absolutely sure. Then, he released the breath he was holding, air rushing back into his lungs as he inhaled sharply. He was feeling a little dizzy, but it was alright. It was better than being dead. And he would have died for sure if he had breathed the same air as these people. They were dirty and sick and if he had inhaled when they’d walked past him, he would have contracted their illness and died. That was pure logic.

So, why was it that nobody around him understood him? Why did everyone mock him or yell at him? Why did everyone say he was sick in the head? He wasn’t the sick one – they were!

Roman’s father looked at him with open disgust and snarled, “Do you have to let everyone know that you’re crazy? It’s embarrassing.”

All he could do was shake his head and look at his feet. He couldn’t talk. There was so much spit in his mouth and he knew that if he opened it all his saliva would flood out, and then his father would be so much angrier with him. He couldn’t possibly swallow it. It was dirty. It would make him sick and then he would die.

So, when he finally had a moment to himself in the bathroom, he quickly looked around to make sure and then spit out all the saliva that had gathered in his mouth into the sink. He washed his hands and then his mouth. Twice. It wasn’t enough by any means, but it would have to do until he could finally go home and wash himself thoroughly.

When he got into the shower, he spent all his energy on scrubbing himself clean. His skin was red and irritated from the hot water. Some spots were even bleeding when he climbed back out of the shower because he had scrubbed them so much. It was painful, but it was better than being dead.

Those were the things he’d done when he’d been eight years old.

Now, at age forty-six, he hasn’t really changed at all.

The only thing he’s stopped doing a long time ago was to hold his breath whenever people walked past him. It wasn’t that he suddenly realised that it was unnecessary, but because he was put into more and more situations in which strangers were all around him. So, unless he had wanted to die from the lack of oxygen, he forced himself to endure it and breathe shallowly instead.

Nonetheless, over the years he started to wash his hands more and more, until he bled constantly and his skin was raw, rough and broken. That was up to the day he started wearing gloves at all times. They have somewhat become his trademark, along with his flashy looks, and he liked that no one ever questioned just why he was never to be seen without a pair of leather gloves with his initials embroidered on the back. They all just took it as another quirk he displayed.

It was better and easier if no one knew the truth. Well, no one but his right-hand man and partner Victor Zsasz; but he would never tell a soul, so it wasn’t a problem for him to know.

Of course, Roman often wondered why he was like this; why he had these thoughts and urges, these compulsions. There was no life before them either. He had done these irrational things, due to his anxieties ever since he’d been three or four years old. And at first he hadn’t seen anything wrong with it, but his father sure had. That was how he realised that what he’d been doing wasn’t normal at all.

Roman Beauvais Sionis was the odd one out. Of course he was. He always has been.

Nowadays it didn’t bother him so much anymore. He’s found his people and his purpose. He would own Gotham soon enough and then he wasn’t going to be the outsider anymore; not by any means, no.

Unfortunately, none of that changed the fact that he was currently bent over his toilet, dry heaving, after he’s stuck his own finger in the back of his throat to make himself vomit. It was utterly disgusting and depraved. He hated himself for it. He couldn’t help it. He had tried – of course he had – but to no avail.

The little killing he’s had Victor do for him, has left him with a blood spatter on his cheek. It had run down his face. He was contaminated. He was going to be sick and die.

So, as soon as he got upstairs, he spit out all the accumulated saliva in his mouth into the sink, got undressed and showered, washing himself thoroughly and spitting in the drain every few minutes. He couldn’t swallow it. It was still contaminated. He had scrubbed his face until he was free of the stranger’s blood and instead soiled by his own.

All the while, his mind was screaming at him to purge himself. He might have gotten some of the blood in his system, after all. He felt so sick to his stomach. It was in his throat. He needed to get rid of it.

And so he did.

It was one of the worst things he’s ever done because of these fears, but it was better than being dead.

Afterwards Roman was still shaken up. He sat on his chaise longue with his feet tucked up and a Martini in his hand, waiting for Victor to return from cleaning up the scene with his other men and tallying up the kills.

Skin tone-coloured band-aids were stuck on his face now, making him feel ugly and reminding him of exactly what he’s just done. In a way, he couldn’t make himself care enough, though. He couldn’t be enraged about it. He was too exhausted.

Finally, after what felt like forever, his partner returned to him. By now, Roman didn’t even have to say anything anymore, as Victor immediately walked into the bathroom and cleaned himself up first. Only when he was truly clean, was he allowed to touch Sionis at all.

Anxiously, he waited for Zsasz to enter the living area and actually come to him. He needed him so much and he hated that he did.

“Roman?” Victor asked quietly, standing in front of him now, hovering.

Quickly, Roman put down his empty glass and stretched his arms out to Zsasz with tears shining in his eyes. Without any sort of hesitation, Victor’s arms wrapped around him as he sat down next to Roman and cradled him. Roman’s head was tucked away safely between Victor’s head, his chest and his arms. Zsasz’s hands soothingly rubbed over his back and he murmured quiet reassurances to him, but Sionis barely registered them at all.

Then, he started crying. Violent sobs ripped through his body as he convulsed, screaming into his partner’s chest, crying out in anguish. It went on for so long, perhaps half an hour, but probably longer. When he calmed down a little, eventually, his face stayed buried in Victor’s chest. He couldn’t look him in the eyes just yet. It may not have been the worst moment Zsasz has ever witnessed of him, but it felt as thought it was his most vulnerable. He hated it.

“I’ve got you, boss. It’s okay, I promise,” Victor kept murmuring into his hair, where he’s been nuzzling him this entire time.

“I just want to stop feeling this way. I want to quit doing these things to myself. But I don’t know how, Victor,” Roman choked out, his voice raw and abused from crying and making himself throw up beforehand.

“We’ll figure it out, Roman. Huh? I’ve got you. You’re not alone with this,” Zsasz spoke calmly, continuing to rub Roman’s back gently.

“’Kay. You’re right. I trust you, baby,” he admitted quietly, tightening his grip around Victor’s waist momentarily.

That was that, then. He wasn’t alone. He had Victor, who was so dedicated to protecting and caring for him, by his side. With that in mind, a small smile fought its way to his lips. He could do this. He could endure it. Zsasz wouldn’t leave him alone with it.

Then, Roman was so exhausted that he finally found some peace as he fell asleep in Victor’s arms soon after.

[eunjidrabbles]

can i please request forever, bitter version with gahyeon?

Forever Bitter Ver.

How long is forever, when forever means a different thing to everyone? What more is forever to someone who has an eternity to live? Blessing or a curse, may the fates bring us together each time.

Word count: 2.8k words

-

The way the sun sets everyday changes. Gahyeon has watched it everyday ever since she realized the beauty of it at a very young age. She loved the way the colors moved across the skies as a sheet of darkness swallowed the skies and how the stars and moon come out to play. She remembers that one night when she looked out the window and saw the shooting star, did she put her hands together and wished. That she would get to see the sunset everyday forever. It only hit her what her wish meant when she watched her friends aged along with time. How her girlfriend at the time commented on how young she never had wrinkles, how she never looked a day older than when they first met. It was in her mid forties when her fiancée started complaining about the white strands of hair that were growing rapidly that caused Gahyeon to look into the mirror properly. Her skin was clear and glowing, eyes round and soft, lips full, just as she looked in her early twenties, perhaps even better.

“It’s not normal,” Her wife has once said when they went out only to be called a mother and child. “but you’re still you. That’s okay with me.” It was at her wife’s funeral, age fifty where she took a look at the world around her, and how everyone grew older except her. She showed no signs of aging, and that started attracting attention from her spouse’s family. Gahyeon understood that it was the grief talking, but it stung her when they accused her of stealing their lifespan. She had done nothing but gave her heart and entire being to loving her. The guilt however overwhelmed her and so she left, far away from all the confusing memories the place held, bringing only a single photo frame of their wedding day photo. 

Life goes on, and Gahyeon soon realized that she can’t continue to live as Lee Gahyeon, who is legally over eighty years old but remained the look of her in her early twenties. Struggling alone, Gahyeon somehow managed to live her years, moving across the world each time as her collection of photographs got more and more. They were a reminder to her, of each of her “life” she lived, only to remember each time that she would lose everyone in the end, and go back to being alone before having to move across the world again. It was at number 5 when she broke down completely. It wasn’t fair for her, that she lives on forever, but everyone she loved and cared for fall to time’s clutches. With no tears now left to shed, she bitterly took a look at the photograph and packed that into her suitcase.

It was an easy decision for her to make, when she unpacked her stuff into the new apartment. There was a way to stop all the additional pain. She just have to get over the loneliness and live alone. Detach when she feels attached. Easy as that. Anything else goes.

In the three years of living in the city, Gahyeon had got herself a job as a tour guide. The manager of the company was nice enough to not question when Gahyeon requested for her pay to be paid in cash, From Gahyeon’s experience, the lesser the roots in a place the easier it was for her to leave the place when time comes. There was also no way to track her in case there really was someone watching her. As long as she did her job better than the teens in the city that would much rather be spending their time at home playing games or hanging out with their friends, she kept her food bowl. Her promise to herself had been decently easy to keep too, with casual flings with the visitors of the town before they went their separate ways. No one was hurt, and no attachment were formed.

Coughing as her eyes flutter open, Gahyeon forced her eyes open only to shut it immediately as the sunlight shone directly into her eyes. Her throat was dry, probably from all the alcohol last night, Gahyeon thought. It was one of those nights where she craved someone next to her again, but her trip to the bar only ended with her going home very drunk and alone, completely forgetting her shift the next morning until she checked her phone. Rolling out of her bed, Gahyeon quickly gave her face a quick wash and throwing on some clothes grumbling under her breath about how years of drinking still didn’t help her with her alcohol tolerance before she slammed the door shut behind her. 

A glare shot her way was all she needed to know that she was late for her shift. Yanking the band and lanyard off the hook, she rushed her way outside where a small group of people were seated, some talking to one another and others on their phones. Taking a deep breath, Gahyeon pushed the pain of the hangover to the back of her mind as she pulled out her most convincing bright smile she could and greeted the group in hopes her cheerful energy would get them to dismiss the fact she was late. Her tactic worked perfectly seeing as to how the moment she spoke, all eyes were on her and smiles were shared among the group. “My name is Gahyeon and I am your tour guide for these few days! I hope you enjoy your time here!” Giving a quick scan of the room, everyone seemed to be revitalized by her faux energy except a pair of eyes that met hers curiously. Tilting her head and giving another big smile, Gahyeon continued. “Let’s all get on the bus now so I can break down our schedule more, shall we?”

Ushering everyone in, Gahyeon gave a quick headcount before hopping into the bus herself. Nodding to the driver, she took another deep breath before organizing her thoughts of the details needed to be given to the group as the minibus started moving with a jerk. Being thrown off balance, the woman could only have enough time to widen her eyes in shock and put her hands out in front of her to cushion her fall. It’s her fault, she shouldn’t have drank so much to get a hangover and cause the delay in reaction now she is going to make more of a fool of herself in front of everyone and that’ll be the memory she gives the new group of tourists. Instead of the dusty bus carpet, she landed on something soft, and looking up, she was met with your amused face. “If you like me, you could have just said something, you know. You don’t have to literally fall for me.” The entire bus broke into chuckles and Gahyeon sighed in relief that there was no mean comments thrown her way from her own mistake. With support from the bus seats, she stood up and nodded to you in thanks and settled down on her own seat in front of you.

The rest of the tour went on surprisingly smoothly despite the rough start and nearing the end of the day, Gahyeon let out a sigh of relief knowing that the time to rest her throbbing head was nearing. All that was left was dinner with the group and she could send everyone back to the hotel before heading home herself. Making her rounds once the food was served, she checked in on each table, making sure that the food was to everyone’s liking and that the mediocre tasting food didn’t make anyone sick . Finally setting away from the rest at her own table, Gahyeon sighed and started shoveling spoon after spoon of the fried rice in her mouth not realizing that she had forgone her meals for the day and the dinner being her first. Feeling a presence near her was what got her to pause mid bite and pull away, turning around to meet you. With a wave of a hand from you, signaling that she was free to continue eating, you eyed the empty seat next to her and she nodded.

“You weren’t very subtle, you know. I can spot someone with a hangover a mile away.” Gahyeon watched as you pulled out a small box and placed it on the table and pushed it slightly to her. “These should help with it.” Giving her thanks, Gahyeon fidgeted in her seat, not knowing where or how to continue the conversation. The thought that you paid attention to her and noticed what was going on warmed the woman a little and she relaxed and smiled at you once more, you gave a soft chuckle and stood up from the table and returned with a smile of your own. Just taking few steps away from the table, you turned back suddenly and called out to her. “I think you should smile more, and not that fake grin you do. You look really cute when you smile.” Laughing once again as you turned away clearly amused by how a blush was quickly rising to her cheeks, Gahyeon let out a huff in defeat, shook her head at your comment and went back to her meal.

The next few days flew by quickly, and nearing the end of the guided tours, Gahyeon had softened up to the group and gave everyone a hug at the end of the day. It was always interesting to hear all the stories share throughout time. As everyone else pulled away, you stepped forward with a smirk on your face, leading Gahyeon to groan and roll her eyes before coming forward with open arms. Hugging tightly, there was a warmth that made Gahyeon cling onto you. Reluctantly pulling away, you ruffled the woman’s hair affectionately and turned slightly to watch the rest of the group walk away.

“I still have a few days left in the city.” Turning back to Gahyeon, you licked your lips nervously and pulled out your phone. “Even though you’re the local here, can I perhaps take you out?”

Gahyeon knew she probably shouldn’t have agreed. She knew of her promise, and attachments only makes everything harder and more complicated. Yet there was something that complied her to nod. It was scary to Gahyeon. With each date she went on, with each moment she spent with you, she felt herself slowly losing control. She wanted to get closer, and closer to you. She wanted you to be the first and last thing she sees when she sleeps and wakes up. Every thought eventually linked back to you. She wanted you to be the one she spends time with as she sits by the pier as the sun sets everyday. That’s when Gahyeon knew, with a tear rolling down her cheek as she watched the moon slowly rise, that she has fallen for you.

Her phone blew up with messages and calls from you after a missed date. It stung her heart knowing what she was missing but she knew it would hurt more if she allowed for the relationship between both of your to progress. She knew that the further away she kept you from her, the lesser pain the both of you would have to endure. With that thought in her head she left her apartment to head to her workplace to collect her pay for the month. What she didn’t expect was going into the office and to be met with the managers glare yet again as he passed her pay over. “One of our clients has been trying to contact you, they even came all the way here.” Nudging towards the direction of the lounge area, Gahyeon followed the direction to see you seated on the sofa. Knowing that you probably won’t leave until you saw her, she sighed and nodded to her manager, signaling that you will handle it.

Walking out the staff only area, she made sure you saw her and continued her way out the door, successfully pulling you off the seat and following her out the company doors. Once she deemed that you were far enough, she turned around to face you. “Did you seriously ghost me, Gahyeon?” She knew she had to be harsh to you to make you understand. Sighing, she shrugged. “Look, I don’t know how to put this nicely but I had my fun.”

“This isn’t you, Gahyeon. I see how you’ve looked at me. I-”

“How would you know this isn’t how I am? You literally know me for like, a week.”

“I know because I love you! I want us to work so badly that I was already making preparations to move here to be with you!”

Her throat dried up as you ranted your thoughts at her. It can’t happen again. She would fight the damn world if it meant that no one has to go through the pain again. Tears sprung to her eyes as she fought her heart’s wants. She pushed away the images of the possible future that you two could have. The smiles, the laughter and skipped right to the very end to discourage herself. She’ll just be left alone again, to face the world. The pain wasn’t worth it. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to move, preferably towards you but watching you approach slowly, Gahyeon shook her head and turned to run home. Home, that is a temporary shelter, that is.

Darkness was the first thing you saw when you entered the small, plain apartment while trying to catch your breath from chasing Gahyeon. Stepping in cautiously, you could hear sobs coming from the only other door in the place and you inch towards it. The only source of light there was, was coming from the room so you slowly opened the door to see a wall filled with pictures as Gahyeon sat under it, knees to her chest and sobbing as silently as she could. Approaching the wall, your eyes were drawn to the pictures and how there was a familiar face in all of them. There was a distinct difference in clothing, signaling a different era, but the woman never changed. Gears started turning in your head, trying to find for an excuse of the abnormally but there was no mistaking it. Gahyeon was in each and every one of the pictures, and you could feel the love radiating off each picture. Looking at the woman at your feet, you opened and closed your mouth to try to make sense of what is happening; what Gahyeon was.

“Don’t you see? It’s impossible. Me, you. there is no happily ever after. Only pain as I watch you grow old and die.” Finally looking up at you and meeting your eyes, Gahyeon let out a wry smile before it was pulled into a tight line as the memories struck her again. “I’m cursed to live forever.”

Realization struck at her words, finally understanding what she meant. “I...” You started, trying to find your words while she bitterly stared at you. “I still want this.” Her face scrunched up in confusion, not understanding your thought process. “You deserve to be happy, Gahyeon. Even if its for short moments in your infinite lifespan.” Looking away, Gahyeon bit her lips in thought. “Let me make you happy.”

“I need time to think.”

A part of you wanted to stay with the woman, to show that you weren’t going to disappear but you reasoned with yourself. You knew where she lived now. Judging by the photos, Gahyeon should know to make decisions best for herself. Nodding, you slowly turned to the door.

“I’ll be back tomorrow.” Not waiting for an answer, you left.

The sun had yet to rise the next morning, but you were already dressed and well on your way, heart pounding in your chest to Gahyeon’s apartment. You prayed deep in your heart that she’d at least give it a chance for you. For a possible bright future. Although you have no clue what it was like living forever, you had dealt with grief, and you’d do everything you can to help her with it too.

You stop in your steps when you reach the apartment and found the door barely ajar. Gulping, you took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Biting the insides of your lips, you moved further into the apartment, desperate to find signs of life. Entering the room you were in last night, your heart dropped. Everything had been cleared out. Gahyeon had chosen to run from the pain than see what might have become of a future that held the both of you.

“I guess that is a clear enough of an answer.”

[kureis-writing-hell]

What makes us

First || Previous

This one isn't based on a prompt. I tried to base it and it didn't work and I had to scratch it whole. This is a story of Nao's childhood and what happened to him before his 18th birthday.

A series in which Chisaki Kai goes through therapy

Tw: hinted csa (child sexual abuse, it's really just a tiny hunt but it's there), blood, death

Shit went down when Nikodem was only a few years old. In a fight between a hero and a villain his parents died. People told him it was a miracle he was saved, but later on he would regularry think it was rather a curse. It started a life of misery for him: a foster family that gave him away once his quirk manifested, a dirty, poor orphanage ruled by a man, who liked little boys a little too much, another foster family that used him as a servant, another one and another one. No one really wanted him, no one cared about him anymore. Every year less people were interested in adopting him, creeped out by a frowny kid with a crazy look in his eyes.

Often, Nikodem thought that he would never find home. But then he met that girl.

She was new. Other kids kept themselves away from her, even the staff was reluctant to approach her. It was said she predicted her parents’ deaths then, right before she ended up alone, she pointed out the exact date and hour her grandmother died. It was her quirk, obviously. A shitty, creepy one, that made her see a clock on people’s heads, counting down to their deaths.

They got along well. She was two years older than Nikodem but, contrary to the boy, was a bubbly rain of sunshine. Nothing seemed to be able to break her, not her quirk, not the place she ended up in. Despite that, families still wouldn’t take her in.

She told everyone to call her Mara. It was taken from her name and Nikodem found it pretty. Mara was the only one he enjoyed spending time with. He enjoyed her stories, her future plans, the way she could kick ass and piss the staff off. He enjoyed everything about her and would follow her everywhere.

When Mara turned sixteen she stood face to face with Nikodem and told him they were going to run away. There was nothing he wanted more than that - to leave that wretched place. So they packed, gathered a few other kids that wanted to run as well, stole some food and vanished.

No one cared. There was an article about them in some magazine, a handsome man spoke some words about them in the news but other than that no one cared about a few orphans. They left the city, the district, they ran from a train because they didn’t have money to pay for the ticket and Nikodem for the first time ever felt free. Happy.

They had a house. After running they found an old factory in the suburbs of another city. Quickly they learned how to use their quirks for stealing food, clothes, books and whatever they wanted. Everyone had their place in the gang, someone played with old parts and fixed motors, so they could get around easier, someone cooked, someone learned how to patch up wounds. Nikodem quickly started calling them a family, everyone did.

They danced, laughed, watched stars and loved at that time.

“What would you do if you knew you’re going to die tomorrow?”

They were sitting on the tin roof late in the night, only Nikodem and Mara. The rest had a campfire under them, celebrating nothing in particular. The view from the roof was amazing, the stars and the night sky were swallowed by the lights of the city, but it was quiet. At that hour even the city was asleep.

Nikodem turned to Mara, frowning. Finally something clicked and, with a shocked face, he covered his forehead. Mara laughed.

“You can’t cover it, dumbass! Don’t worry, you still have a lot of time. I’m just asking.”

“You did that on purpose.” Nikodem pouted and lowered his hand.

“Maybe! So? What would you do?”

Nikodem thought, for a moment. He turned his face toward the view and watched the lights. Mara drank her beer, waiting for his answer.

“I’d kiss you.”

The girl chocked on the beer, sputtered and looked at the boy surprised. Nikodem could feel his face getting hot, even his ears and neck were probably red at this point, but the color got lost in the darkness. He didn’t dare to look at Mara and even if he would he couldn’t see how she also blushed.

“Okay,” she said finally.

“What?”

“Okay. We may kiss.”

Nikodem looked at her, finally. He again covered his forehead.

“It was true, I’m going to die tomorrow, right?”

“No you’re not, moron!” Mara pushed him playfully, hiding her embarrassment. “I just want to do it too!

And so they kissed, under the stars, on the roof with the best view ever.

They got good at what they were doing quickly. They wore masks for stealing, they used upgraded motors for moving around, they came in, stole what they needed and then wandered around the city freely, because no one would ever suspect a bunch of children. And now everyone was talking about them. Their masks, something they picked up from dumpsters, were so popular everyone knew how they looked. They had fans and enemies and they had heros after them. Yet every night they had a party in their base. They drank alcohol, ate good food, kissed and made love. And they were free.

She never told him, or anyone else from their gang, when they’re going to die. But once she told them about her own number. Apparently she could see it in the mirror and Nikodem never ever hated quirks more than in that moment. It was just wrong.

Mara was sick. There was something in their family, something too scientific for Nikodem to understand, that killed her mother and mother of her mother. Normally, raised in a normal house, she would survive till her late twenties. With expensive treatment and medications she could maybe live till her forties. Her current number allowed her to stay alive till she was twenty three.

Nikodem didn’t accept it. He couldn’t. It wasn’t her fault she couldn’t afford a better living situation or meds. He was angry and he was determined to get even more money, to allow her the treatment she needed. Everyone agreed to him, except Mara. She didn’t want to draw too much attention to them and she was already used to the idea of dying. She was angry at him, for a while. Then she couldn’t anymore.

Nikodem was sixteen when he told her he loved her too much to let her go that easily.

.

They couldn’t go on the raids when it was raining because it was too risky. They used to store the food for winters because during them it was too dangerous to raid the city. They did only necessary to survive every year. Now, it changed. And now they realised they were way more powerful than they thought. Their gang was classified as rank B villains, with Nikodem deemed their leader, classified as rank A. There was more planning, more stress and way more risk but, surprisingly, it brought them all even closer to each other.

It was just getting warm, the snow still didn’t melt in the darker corners of their base but the days were sunny and bright and hot. And the rain that came wasn’t risky. It was warm, too. It washed over Nikodem’s stress and worries and Mara’s long, pretty dress. And they danced in it, laughed and kissed.

“You’re turning eighteen this year, we should throw you a party!” she said once they were inside, in dry clothes, drinking hot tea.

“It’s still a few months.”

“So? Isn't any reason to party good?”

“But it’s a birthday. We should celebrate it when it comes.”

Mara pouted. She looked so cute, with her nose and cheeks still reddened, wrapped in a blanket from head to toes. He loved her so much.

“Look at you, what made you smile like a dumbass? That’s a rare sight.” Embarrassed, Nikodem turned his face away. Mara laughed and clung to his side. “I like it, you have a funny smile. You should do it more!”

He decided to try his hardest.

.

Blood.

Everything around him was red and it was his fault.

They were so close to getting enough money for Mara that Nikodem got impatient. He wanted to gather enough as fast as possible and he came out with the idea of that raid. It was going to be the hardest one till now, but they had a good plan. They planned it for a month. And it worked out! But then the heroes found their hideout.

“Those are children! I had no idea those were children, I couldn’t know!” lamented one of the heroes, the one that came in first. Under his quirk the roof of the old factory collapsed, something caught fire and the tanks they had stored exploded. Most of Nikodem’s gang was outside, thankfully, but they also got hurt.

They still had masks on when other heroes arrived. They fought. Nikodem got crushed under the part of the factory and couldn’t get out on time to help them. He had to watch how his friends, his only family, fought for their lives and lost. Blood spilled all around him and he couldn’t do anything.

When he finally got out the heroes were searching for survivors. But no one could survive this. They were either crushed under the factory or fought till death. And Nikodem stood in the puddle of their blood.

It hurted to move, it even hurted to breathe but he had to find Mara. He had to make sure she was alive and help her, and anyone else that still could be alive, escape. He was their leader, he came up with that raid, it was all his fault.

Stepping over the body of his friend, someone he ate breakfast with this morning, he went forward. The heroes were arguing, Nikodem could hear his voices, but didn’t pay attention to them. He took off his mask and threw it away, searching for a different one, one that he knew Mara was still wearing.

He found her, laying right by a part of the factory that miraculously didn’t fall on her. There was still a hole in her stomach that Nikodem immediately jumped to, to cover the bleeding. Mara trembled and huffed something that Nikodem didn’t understand. Holding his shirt against her abdomen with one hand he took off her mask.

Her lips were covered in blood but she was smiling. She kept looking at him and Nikodem was glad she was awake.

“That went to shit, eh?” she rasped.

“Don’t joke now, please.” Nikodem couldn’t hold back his tears. It was slowly hitting him, what exactly happened.

“I want to tell you something.”

“You shouldn’t talk, you’ll tell me once you get better but now you have to save your energy.”

She smiled at him and her smiles were never that sad.

“I knew this was going to happen.” Nikodem only shook his head. “Yeah. I did the math when everyone’s numbers started going down. I never thought they could change before.”

“It’s all my fault.”

“No, it’s not.” Mara coughed and spit some blood. “If anyone’s then it’s mine. I should have told you to stop with the raids but I knew no one would listen. And it made me happy to know you all are doing this for me. Selfish.”

“You weren’t selfish!” sobbed Nikodem. “I was, I wanted to spend more time with you and I took your time away!”

“That’s not true.” She managed to laugh a little. “You actually let me live. Everyone else too, but you especially. Thank you.” Nikodem shook his head again. He could feel blood sipping through the material of his shirt. “Can I have one more selfish request?”

“I’ll do anything for you.”

“Live.” Mara lifted her hand and touched Nikodem’s forehead. He grabbed it and helped her keep the arm up, snuggling into it. It was too cold but he didn’t mind. “Your minutes are tickling down but I don’t want you to die because of me. Please, promise me that you won’t die.”

“I don’t want to. How am I supposed to, when everyone is dead? I can’t live without you.”

“You can.” Her fingers brushed just slightly against Nikodem’s forehead. “Please. Do anything you could. Don’t fight these heroes, surrender, do anything you can.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to die knowing everyone I ever loved died because of me.” She was speaking more and more silently. “At least you. Especially you, Niko.”

For a moment Nikodem tried to hold back his tears. But they didn’t. They started flowing harder.

“I promise,” he whimpered. “I’ll do anything. I swear.”

Mara opened her eyes wider and, after a moment, smiled wide. Her thumb brushed against Nikodem’s forehead and then her hand went limp.

“I’ll ask them, I’ll beg them to help you. They’re heroes, maybe they have a healing quirk, you’ll be fine too!” Nikodem made a crooked smile, one that was meant for comfort but he knew Mara would laugh at it. “I could even pay them, the money should be fine in the safe. We’ll be okay.” Mara didn’t answer. Her eyes kept looking at him and her smile didn’t vanish but she wasn’t reacting at all. Nikodem felt his heart sink. “Mara? Mara, don’t joke, please. Dagmara!”

When the heroes found him Nikodem was still sitting by Mara’s body. He didn’t fight, he surrendered and let them handcuff him. He lost everything but he made a promise. And that promise would keep him alive.

[pagingevilspawn]

Would you please write a fic about alex and jo help their daughter with her homework, they would be kinds cute help them study

cross my heart, hope to die, please stick this pencil in my eye

there’s a reason this took me forever. reason number one, two, and three; proofs. i was unable to write this because of proofs. i got this ask and LIKE A CHILD decided that i wanted to make my fictional characters suffer as much as i did. so once i was done with proofs, i had to write something about proofs, which made me exhausted because i hate even talking about proofs

that made no sense, but here’s this thing that i made. lots of it was my real life monologue, screaming at my computer bc of fucking proofs. enjoy. (also, let’s appreciate the fact that i updated three whole days in a row)

(also, another installment of the “payton loves evan peters too much” series, where i name jolex babies after his AHS characters)

Alex Karev sat in the drivers side of his SUV, making a right onto the upcoming street as he listened to the song playing on the radio. He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel absentmindedly, pulling up to the curbside of James Madison Middle School, waiting patiently in his seat until he heard the five minute warning bell ring.

When the loud bell goes off, he exits the car and makes his way to the other side, learning against the door so his kids would know it was him. Too many parent’s owned black range rovers, and the last thing Alex needed was for either one of his kids to climb into the back seat of some stranger's car. 

He didn’t need to wait long for children to start piling out of the school in large crowds. Middle school was so different from elementary, for his kids at least. He remembers when they would come sprinting out of the building as if their lives depended on it, but now they just casually strolled, no matter how much they liked or disliked school. 

A few minutes later he catches sight of his daughter, who’s eyes light up when she sees him. He wasn’t supposed to pick them up today, the nanny was. But he had gotten off of work early and had insisted with Jo that he be the one to pick up the kids. It was a task he wished he got to do more often. 

“Hey.” his daughter greets him with a smile on her face. He steps aside and lets her enter the side door, where she flops her black backpack on the floor and settles into the seat, pulling out her phone and begins to start scrolling through it. 

“Dad!” he hears another voice exclaim, quickly tracing it to his son, who was currently running to the car, backpack bouncing up and down behind him. The sixth grader moved across the property quickly, greeting his dad with a fist bump before sliding into the back seat.

He closes both of his kids doors before making his way into the driver's side, revving up the car’s engine before he drives down the long block, whatever music his daughter decided on playing through the radio. 

Alex winces when the music begins to blare through the car, “Brynn, turn that crap down would you?”

Brynn’s face looks scandalized. “It’s not crap. It’s art.” she emphasizes, turning it up even louder and screaming the words. (Poor Brynn couldn’t sing, and she knew it)

“I came in like a wreeckingggg ballll I never hit so harddd in loveeee all i wanted was to break your walls all you ever did wre-e-e-ck meee.” she yells, using her phone as a microphone, hair flying around wildly as she moved up and down, side to side in her seat.  

Alex rolls his eyes, unable to hide the smile on his lips. His wife and daughter were too much alike sometimes. He turns the knob himself, sending his daughter a look, silently telling her not to do it again. 

“I think it’s crap. Just like how I think you sound like a dying cat whenever you sing.” his son pipes in from the back, a signature Karev smirk plastered on his lips as he keeps his gaze locked on his phone. 

“Shut up Rory,” she sneers, “Nobody likes you.” 

Rory fakes a laugh, looking back to his phone, and then to the scenery outside his window. They passed house after house until they finally reached their destination, John Quincy Adams Elementary School.

“Wait here,” Alex instructs the two kids, who murmurs their we know’s, more focused on the devices in their hand to the words coming out of his mouth. 

He makes his way to the ‘log cabin’ that sat at the front of the school, giving a friendly smile to the woman sitting at the sign out table, a crappy fold out plastic table that had definitely seen better days. “Faye and Bridgette Karev.” 

The woman slides the forms across the table, handing him a pen. “Sign here and here. I’ll go get them right now.” She stands up from her seat and heads inside to tell the two girls that their father had arrived.

Alex sprawls his messy signature onto the page, huffing before leaning up against the gate. His girls could take anywhere from thirty seconds to five minutes to pack up their things. Luckily today didn’t seem to be the latter, because before he knew it, the two youngest Karev’s came bouncing towards him. 

“Daddy!” “Daddy!” 

The seven year olds gave him a large hug, showing him matching toothless smiles. When Jo and him found out that she was pregnant for a third time, they were overjoyed. They had always wanted more than two kids, but hadn’t really been actively trying. They were excited to expand their family of four into a family of five. When they discovered that she was not carrying not one, but two babies, they were shocked. Jo wasn’t expecting to get pregnant at thirty-nine, much less with twins. Brynn was seven at the time, and Rory was five, so they were worried about how their kids would react when they found out two new babies would be joining the Karev household. 

Rory --surprisingly-- took the news really well. He was excited with the fact that he could have baby brothers. (Oh well. Alex Karev only seemed to make girls, Rory being the one exception.) 

Brynn was a bit more reluctant. She had heard from her friends at school how much babies cried and stole all the attention. She loved both her parent’s equally, but she was a Daddy’s girl through and through. The thought of losing both of her parent’s focus was terrifying. What if her Daddy called her new siblings names like Bug or Princess? Those were her names, and her names only. She couldn’t let the new babies steal her names. 

It took a while, but after multiple long talks and countless acts of reassurance, but Brynn eventually came around to the idea. Before they knew it, Brynn was just as excited for the upcoming babies as they were. Jo was worried throughout her whole pregnancy. Since she was almost forty, she was now considered to have a geriatric pregnancy. Just the word ‘geriatric’ did nothing to soothe any woman’s nerves, but add that to the fact that Jo was a surgeon and knew all the risks of pregnancy, and she was practically a mess the first few months. As it turned out, the twins ended up being her easiest pregnancy, since Brynn decided to make her entrance into the world four weeks early and while she was carrying Rory she had the occasional spotting that terrified her to her core every time, worried that she was miscarrying. 

The twins ended up being born at thirty-five weeks, perfectly healthy. The only thing that gave Jo any trouble at all was the severe morning sickness, which turned out to be all day sickness. 

But in the end it was way more than worth it. Faye was pretty much Jo reincarnated, just like Brynn. Every aspect about her was exactly like her mom. Her hair, her eyes, her face shape, chin. The only thing that she inherited was the Karev crooked grin, which all of their children had. (She didn’t even have a big Karev head when she was born!) 

Bridgette on the other hand, was all Alex, except for the eye color. Between her potty mouth, sassy attitude, and overall appearance, she was the female mini evil-spawn. 

The Evil Spawn Jr, title belonged to Rory, who was basically the male version of Bridgette. Same spunk, same mischievous smirk. Jo was always telling him that she didn’t know what she did to deserve three devil’s in her house. Alex always found that one really funny. 

“You guys got everything?” he questions the two, who nod their heads up and down enthusiastically, skipping to the car and greeting their siblings. 

He drives the twenty-five minutes back to his house, the twins chattering about in the back seat. 

“And then Julie showed her her math problems, and I tried to tell her they were wrong, but she just wouldn’t listen!”

“Tommy was sooo annoying. I kept telling him to stop making noises with his pencil, but he just rolled it back and forth so many times!”

Alex laughs under his breath, listening partially to the twins’s conversation. They sounded exactly like how Cristina and Mer used to rant about completely different things to each other, so it never failed to make him think back to the ‘olden days’ as he and Meredith liked to call them. 

If someone were to tell cocky, intern Alex that he would be happily married to the love of his life for (legally) fifteen years, father of four kids, and lived in a house that literally had a white picket fence on the outside of it, he would’ve sent them to a long term psychiatric care facility, because there was no way he would ever have that life. (A life he always secretly wanted, tucked into the very tiniest corner of his brain so it could never venture farther than a fleeting thought here or there). 

“--We’re here,” he calls out, shutting off the engine as he parks in the driveway, the kids unbuckling their seatbelts and scrambling out of the car, eager to escape the confines of the vehicle and enjoy the peace of their rooms. 

Once all five were inside, he watched as the four children parted ways. “Faye, Bridge, you have thirty minutes of reading down here. Ror, you have that history test you need to study for, and Brynn, you know what you need to do.” he says, his two oldest tromping up the stairs as the twins take their place in the living room on separate seats, already engrossed in the books they needed to read as part of their daily homework assignments. 

Alex lets out a tired sigh as he flops onto the couch, more than tempted to grab the remote from the side table and flick on ESPN, but knew that he couldn’t. As much as the girls loved reading, they got distracted from books really easily. Loud horns, cheers, and buzzers wouldn’t be the way to go if he wanted any work to get done. Instead, he plucks the iPad from the coffee table, picking up where he left off that morning with an online medical article.

Before he knew it, Faye and Bridgette’s timer had rung out and they started on their math homework on the kitchen island, something that they finished with ease. Another trait Alex was grateful the children inherited from Jo, her smarts. (Specifically in math)

“Ugh!” he hears a loud exclaim from upstairs, causing him to look up from the device in his hands and glance towards the steps, half expecting an angry looking Brynn to come storming out at any moment. He huffs, focusing his attention back to the iPad in hand when no mini Jo comes down. 

“No! There are no other ways!”

Another loud groan of frustration. 

“Son of a butthead! There are NO more ways! None! I don't know how the frick to prove that the freakin angle is congruent!”

Alex debates ignoring it and letting his daughter figure it out on his own, that is until he hears something hit a wall. He quickly makes his way up the stairs and to Brynn’s bedroom, standing in the doorway for a few seconds, trying to observe the scene. 

Brynn’s normally pristine room had books scattered on the ground, blankets thrown to the side, and an open notebooks posed at an awkward angle on the floor. 

Well, at least he knew what hit the wall.  

Brynn sat on her bed, literally glaring at her computer screen, partially debating whether or not to throw the expensive device across the room. She didn’t break eye contact, as if she was in a staring contest. Alex wanted to laugh, but he knew a deathly glare would be sent his way if he did. 

He knocks on the wood door, sending a questioning glance Brynn’s way as she finally breaks her stare with the inanimate object. “Everything okay?”

The brunette huffs loudly, bouncing back onto the bed as she lets out a groan. 

“I hate proofs.” she turns her head to look at her dad, Jo’s signature puppy dog face plastered on her features. He couldn’t help but chuckle. It was crazy how much Brynn looked like Jo. Add that onto the fact that she too shared a love for flannels and jeans, she was pretty much what he imagined a fourteen year old Jo to look like. When he first found out that Brynn was going to be a girl, he said to Jo, ‘I’m gonna need a gun.’ 

Luckily, that never happened, partially because of the fact that Alex hated guns and Brynn had yet to have a boyfriend. He was more than thankful for that. Especially since he’d seen couples at Brynn’s school canoodling in what they thought was private, even though they were in full view of everyone. He’d be fine with his not-so-little little girl dating when she was twenty-five, no earlier. Any man before that would not be very fortunate. 

“I’ll help,” Alex says, taking a spot next to her and Brynn begins to show he dad the problems on her screen, going on about how she was struggling to figure it out. 

Shouldn’t be too hard, right?

____

Jo Karev was thrilled when Bailey offered to take over her service for the rest of the day. Her husband had gotten off early, and Bailey knew how much of a struggle it was to spend quality time with family as a surgeon. 

She thanked Bailey so many times she lost count, all while boasting a large smile. She couldn’t remember the last time both she and Alex had been home before five o’clock. All she wanted was to go home, snuggle with her babies, and spend time with her husband. Well, her babies weren’t technically babies anymore, Brynn was fourteen, Rory was nearly twelve, and the twins were seven, but nevertheless, they would always be her babies. (Who cared if Rory was five foot three and already almost as tall as her? He was still such a mommy’s boy.)

She drove home with a smile on her face, humming along to the songs on the radio. She was so happy. She wanted to take her kids in her arms, and watch action movies on the couch while they pigged out on pizza together. 

When she pulls up in the drive she practically bounces up the steps to the house, swinging open the door and dropping her coat carelessly onto the rack. She hadn’t texted Alex to let him know she was coming home early, in hopes to make it a joyful surprise. 

Her heart stopped momentarily at the sound of yelling coming from upstairs. Arguments between Brynn and Alex were few and far between, but when they did happen, they were nasty. Alex always felt like crap for days afterward and Brynn stayed quiet, both at home and at school. 

“Do the reflexive property again!”

“Dad we already did that!”

“Well do it again!”

“Why?!”

“Do you see any other way to do it?”

“How is that going to help!”

“It just is!”

“Dad, we've done the reflexive property five times now!”

“You think I don’t know that!”

“Say that segment DA is congruent to AD.”

“But-”

“There are literally no other fucking ways to do it! It’s fucking shit! Thats what it is!”

“You act as if I didn’t already freakin know that!”

A loud groan. 

“What the fuck even is this one! We’ve managed to do three of them already. Try proving the triangles congruent now. Push random ones, like Side-Angle-Side.” 

“This is crap! ‘You don’t have enough proof to show that the blah blah blah.’ Stupid freaking thing! Freaking worthless!”

Jo is unable to suppress her giggle, clasping a hand over her mouth, trying not to make too much noise. It was a relief to know that the current screaming match going on wasn’t an argument. 

“They’ve been at that for an hour and a half now.” she hears her son pipe in, drawing her attention to where he sat on the couch. 

Jo sets her bag down on the table, greeting her son with a large hug, “Hi bubs.” she mumbles into his hair, feeling his arms wrap back around her. In private, Rory was the biggest cuddler, touchy-feely person you’d ever met, but in front of his friends he tried way too hard to show he was ‘too cool’ for hugging his mom, so Jo took in these moments and held them close to her heart.

“An hour and a half huh?” she chuckles, running a hand through her son’s gelled hair. 

Rory snickers, hazel eyes shining with mischief, “Yeah, dad won’t stop cursing and Tissy just keeps screaming alongside him,” he sits back onto the couch. “I’m surprised neither one of them had lost their voice yet.” he smirks his crooked Karev smirk, focusing his attention on the TV where he had opened up netflix, where he was currently binging Bates Motel. The name ‘Tissy’ came from when he was younger and couldn’t for the life of him say either Brynn nor Sissy. It seemed to have stuck all these years, and he was the only one who ever called his older sister that, even ten years later.

She sees him cringe, “I never called you mother right?” he asks, eyes not leaving the screen, where a certain Norman Bates is practically spooning his own mother in the bed, claiming that he couldn’t sleep. 

Jo snorts, ruffling his hair fondly, “Definitely not. And if you ever do, you’re dead Ror, hear me?”

Rory rolls his eyes playfully, giving his mom a grin. “I won’t. Promise.”

Jo heads up the stairs, the loud yells continuing to echo through the halls, which she chooses to ignore. 

“Dad for the fiftieth freaking time-”

“--What’s going on here?” Jo questions, causing both her husband and daughter to break away their concentration from the computer screen. 

Brynn’s face lights up at the sight of her mom standing in the doorway, more than thankful to have someone who actually knew stuff help her with her math. “Mom!” she exclaims, getting up from her place on the bed to give her mother a hug. 

“Hey baby. Care to explain to me why the second I walk through the door I'm greeted with screaming?” She questions, eyebrows raised as she sees Alex sheepishly avoid eye contact, suddenly finding the pictures that hung on the wall very interesting. 

Brynn smirks, “Well, Dad sucks at math so-”

“--Hey!” Alex interrupts, crossing his arms over his chest. “I haven’t done this crap in like thirty years!” He defends himself.

Jo rolls her eyes and smiles of her own gracing her lips as she reaches the bed and takes a look at the problems on the computer. “Proofs?” she asks from confirmation, earning a nod from her husband and daughter. 

She hums, “Given: segment CA bisects angle BAD and segment CA bisects BCD. Prove: triangle ABC is congruent to triangle ADC.” she murmurs to herself.

The brunette laughs when she sees the fact that the pair had put down some form of the ‘reflexive property’ not one, not two, but seven times.

She grins triumphantly as she remembers how to do the problem, the skills seemingly coming back to her after years of them being dormant. “Next statement is angle BCA is congruent to DCA because…” she scrolls through the possible options the box provided, smirking when she found the right one. “An angle bisector divides an angle into two congruent angles.”  

She watches as an angle pops up on the screen, only encouraging her to continue, “Then… angle DAC is congruent to angle BAC because an angle bisector divides an angle into two congruent angles.” 

Another angle comes up. 

“Finally,” she smirks, glancing to the side of for a brief second to take in the draw dropped stares of the two behind her. Brynn was a whiz at math like her mom, but proofs was something she’d been struggling with since they’d started learning them yesterday. Geometry was no joke. Her and her dad had already gotten almost all of the problems done, but it had taken so long to do a few measly problems that they’d lost track of just how long they'd been sitting in the room, arguing back and forth over different possibilities to try. 

“Triangle ABC is congruent to triangle ADC, reason being Angle-Side-Angle.” 

She grins, wiping her hands together as she hits the submit button, a large green check with a correct! floating on the screen, going over the ways to solve the problem. 

Alex glares at her. He’d been working on these fucking proofs for so long now, and Jo just comes in and completes it in less than a minute?

“I hate you.” he gruffs, still glaring at both his wife and the computer. 

Jo giggles, leaning over and pecking her husband’s lips. “Love you too.” 

She begins to walk out of the room, stopping and calling out over her shoulder as she reaches the doorway, “Now you just need to make sure the twins did their homework!”

[spiltscribbles]

Hey! I was bored today, and decided to load up Hamilton and thought about your fics. I read them all, they're so good. Any chance you'll bless the fandom with another Hamliza fic? You do such a good job modernizing their relationship. Please consider writing something new, I'll take a paragraph, hell a sentence! lol. Anyway, love your blog and it's always great to see a post from you!

~Notes: holy fuck baby!!! This is so fucking beautiful and kind and so sweet and I can’t even begin to deal😭😭 You are such a sugarplum fairy and I love u to bits!! And the idea that you like my version of them is so crazy!! Ur an angel! And I’m screaming! I just love Eliza so much😭😭 I hope that you like this even slightly!!!!💜💜😌

.-

A Reblog Is Worth A Galaxy!

.-

Occasionally— when Alexander is a bit tipsy and a bit lonely and feeling lightly poetic— he thinks of the cobble stoned pieces that patch together the mosaic of his life. He remembers his mother’s faint laughter, and he pictures Eliza’s iridescent grin on the day of their  wedding. He alternates reminiscing on the different nights at hospital after the birth of each of his children, how he’d count their tiny fingers and smaller toes while Eliza was slumped besides him— flushed and radiant and so, so miraculous. Though the latter half of that image wasn’t there eleven months ago, when she had given birth to baby Will three weeks after the editorial had been published— finally tipping the precarious state of his world to ruin with a brimstone sort of finality. Three weeks after the affair was made public and the light in her eyes that she had always glimmered with whenever gazing at Alexander, was scuffed away permanently, under the heel of his carelessness and his cruelty and his childish cravings to feel needed by someone— by absolutely anyone. 

And as he rocks in the ornate, elm carved chair that his in-laws had bought for Philip’s nursery over sixteen years ago now— with his youngest son in arms— Alexander thinks that it’s right— that it only makes sense that in the handful of memories that are the cornerstones of his existence, Eliza is in the vast majority of them. Eliza with her quiet but strong resilience. Eliza with her breathtaking, but unassuming beauty. Eliza in how she’s always been the beacon of light— a personified  essence of hope— in the center of the tempest that is his life.  A quiet haven that he’s always depended on like nothing else.

Eliza has always been, and will always be the most vital part of it all, the lifeline that pumps breath to his lungs and blood to his heart and makes Alexander feel like he’s finally standing on solid ground. But he doesn’t get to say that out loud anymore, shouldn’t even think it in the privacy of his own mind. Not after the shattered look in her eyes had been embedded permanently, not after the separation had been officialize, and especially not now, while he’s trying to recall that old, French lullaby that Eliza had always crooned to their children before bed while she’s graciously pretending he’s not here.

It had been a stipulation in the agreement that they scrounged up over half  a year ago now. Alexander has been relegated to the loft they keep in Murray Hill while Eliza and the children remain residing in the estate right outside the city limits— The Grange. But because she’s always been touched by an otherworldly kindness that Alexander has never witnessed in another soul, Eliza told him that mornings before school and dinners before bed are open for him to visit while she finishes the work she has for the non prophet she had helped build. “You don’t get to lose your kids just because it didn’t work out with us Alex— They’re your family and I won’t be the one to take them away from you, not ever.”

When she had said as much, quiet and precise and void of the warm inflections he would always lose himself inside of whenever she spoke— Alexander wanted to absolutely ball. He wanted to fall to his knees right then and beg her not to say that— not to toy with the idea that it was really and truly over between them. He wanted to tell her that he loves her, and he loves her and he’ll always love her no matter what.

But for perhaps the first time in his life, Alex had held his tongue and only thanked her for always being the best of the lot. He was afraid if he spoke his true thoughts out loud he’d make that torn, desperately pained look melt back into her features like those first few weeks after the Twitter trends and media frenzy and poisonous gossip spreading through the circle of blue bloods that Eliza had been the heiress of since birth, and where Alexander had fought tooth and nail to belong. But besides that, he thinks he was mostly terrified that she wouldn’t betray any emotion at all— That she’d stay still and frozen and detached— forever out of his reach all over again.

Alexander’s heart twists up in an ugly, painful sort of way at the memory of that tragic brunch between them, and he physically shakes his head— as if the pictures of that afternoon  could just fall out his ears and disappear into the powder blue curtains like dust.

Gingerly, Alexander kisses Will’s downy hair, and sets him into the crib with a final inhale to get him through the night before coming back tomorrow morning. And while he pads through the hall, he quietly peers into the bedroom of each of his kids. Listens to the hushed snoring from Jamie and Johnny’s room, before he looked into how Angie has swathed herself with pink blankets in her own, finally glancing into Philip and AJ’s at the end of the hall, bracing himself for how his eldest inevitably  tosses him a cursory glance from over his shoulder while he taps away on his new laptop. Philip’s stopped the sneers and the clipped replies after Eliza had scolded him for as much right after the pamphlet’s release, but the ice like overture between them hadn’t lessened, and no matter how much it breaks his heart that his pride and joy doesn’t ever look at him like Alexander is his hero— like he had when he was younger— he’s strangely proud. He’s proud that Philip is steadfast in his loyalty to his mother and has a moral code that Eliza had nurtured in each of them.

“You almost done with that civics paper?” He tries for broke, talking in a hush like he was afraid to spook him.

Philip’s jerky nod is all Alexander gets before he snaps his gaze back to the screen, and he takes it like a sacrament, gently shutting the door once again and shuffling downstairs to the main level of the house.

It feels like his heart lodges somewhere deep in his throat when he enters the living room only to be taunted with the sight of Eliza curled into the side of the sofa, nightgown loose on her shoulders, and dark hair piled into a messy topknot while she nibbles on the end of a pen that she’s most likely using to mark up the novel in her hands. It’s the same volume of Arthurian legends that she’s been paging through for the past few days, and he knows it’s something to do with a child at one of the group homes she visits on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, the one who is enthralled by the folklore of it all.

And it’s like an ache— a gnawing and crippling sort of yearning that he feels as he watches the image of her that he’s seen a hundred times before, wanting to thumb at the ink smattering her cheek and lips and chin. And if this was a year ago he would’ve done just that— Hell, he would’ve kissed them away with tender lips as he gathered her small form into his arms and he would’ve waxed poetic about her and her mind and her body all night long.

Or maybe not.

Maybe he would’ve simply teased her before dropping a kiss to her forehead and retreating to his study to finish the latest bill that the president wants on the house floor before the next congressional recess. Maybe Alexander never really deserved her and it took this— them split apart and tattered— for him to realize all the things he should’ve done. All the exaltations he should’ve whispered against her skin and all the caresses he should’ve massaged against her bones and all the ways he should’ve worshipped her all along. And when Eliza looks up— a strand of hair falling prettily over a large eye and the moonlight dancing atop her with a graceful sort of panache— he feels a sick sort of despair that maybe he’ll never get that chance again. Maybe she’ll leave it to Andre now.

The thought of John Andre makes Alexander’s insides pulse with a sort of anger he doesn’t think he’ has ever known, makes his fucking arteries clog with distain. But he hasn’t said anything about him to Eliza, even though he knows that ever since her ex-boyfriend has moved back into town, he’s been pursuing her non-stop, was regaled about the flowers and the letters and the diamond tennis bracelet by a peculiarly snide, but disappointed Angelica, and he knows that his sister-in-law, between her own children and her own job as the secretary of sate, has been silently rooting for Alexander to get his shit together, to prove himself worthy enough for a second chance with the sister she loves with all her heart. And he thinks that it’s almost funny that one of the most brilliant minds he’s ever known, isn’t perceptive enough to understand that Alexander had never been worthy enough for a chance with Eliza in the first place. So it’s fucking impossible now, with everything that has past and all the ghosts between them.

“Oh,” Eliza says once she finds him just standing their, gazing down at her like some sort of pathetic drifter trying to find respite from a prophet. “Will fell asleep then?”

“Erm, yeah. Yeah he was good.” Alexander replies, tries not to sputter. “Only one who’s up is Pip.”

“Not for long,” Eliza mutters mischievously, tapping a finger against her nose with an endearing sort of diffidence. “I switched the coffee out for decaf before dinner. I reckon he’s got another forty-five minutes in him.”

Alexander can’t help the choked out laughter that spills from his lips, and can’t help relishing in the helium like levity streaming through his extremities— the heady feeling that only Eliza’s ever been able to evoke. “You’re wicked.”

“I’m a concerned mother, and our son is a bit of a spaz if you hadn’t noticed?” She retorts mildly, single brow cocked as she returns to her novel. And no— God no, Alexander can’t refrain from delving back into the easy, life affirming bliss it has always felt when they talked with one another— whether it’s platitudes or past traumas or anything in-between. So like a man about to plunge into the churning ocean waves— ready for death or the best thrill of his life— Alexander eases besides her, three feet apart but close enough to smell Eliza’s  favorite jasmine shampoo wafting in the space between them.

“You enjoying the legends then?”

Eliza flickers her bright eyes back to him, uneasy and guarded. And it hurts like nothing else when he remembers how he was once able to read her open face like a favorite book that had been highlighted and underlined to hell. “Uh-huh, it’s an interesting set of stories. I think I understand why Dante enjoys them so much.”

“OH?”

“Mhmm. There’s this one myth, about one of Arthur’s knights, Sir Gawain, who was promised to this old crone and when he kisses her she becomes a fair maiden.”

Alexander isn’t sure what is going on here, knows that this is the most Eliza’s spoken to him outside the children’s schedules for months, but he’s not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he nods along eagerly, silently pleading for her to continue on with the summary.

“Yes, well. After she transforms, she gives him a ultimatum of sorts. Tells him that either she can stay beautiful in the daylight while they’re apart, or only at night while they’re together.” She meets his gaze head on— steadiness boring into his uncertainty. And even though he still hasn’t a clue what’s happening, he feels it in his bones that this is so very important, so he doesn’t falter, breathes in deep and doesn’t let his glance stray to her lips or her collarbone or where her hands are clutching tightly to the volume now.

“And what did he choose?”

Eliza purses her lips, like she’s not sure to tell him anymore, but something in his expression must’ve convinced her, because she shrugs a slight shoulder while standing and slapping the book shut. “He doesn’t. Tells her it’s her choice and her’s alone.”

And oh.

It’s like a punch in the gut when Alexander finally comprehends.

“Good,” he says, voice gone a bit haggard. “He should just wait until she makes up her mind.”

Remarkably, that seems to have been the right thing to have said, because the ends of Eliza’s plump lips actually quirk up into an etherial grin that’s not so threadbare like all the ones he’s seen for far too long.

“Good night, Alexander.”

“Good night, Eliza,” he replies,  feeling like sunlight is finally beginning to filter through the frost when her small hand dusts across his cheek for only a sparing moment. And while he watches her putter upstairs, Alexander knows with all his heart that he would wait for an eon just for Eliza to decide whether he’s worth letting back into her world.

.-

~My FIC Index~ 

Is where you can read my other Hamliza works!!!



[gayenerd]

I just realized I didn’t post that 2007 Rolling Stone article I posted about here. 

Billie Joe Armstrong

The Green Day leader talks Bush, Britney and being a middle-aged punk for our 40th anniversary.

DAVID FRICKE

Posted Nov 01, 2007 8:19 AM

You have two young sons. What kind of America will they inherit?

This war has to finish before something new blossoms. There's no draft — that's why none of the kids give a shit. They'd rather watch videos on YouTube. It's hard to tell what's next — there is so much information out there with no power to it. Everything is in transition, including our government. Next year, it's someone else in the White House. There's no way to define anything. It's Generation Zero. But you gotta start at zero to get to something.

Is there anyone now running for president who gives you hope for the future?

Barack Obama, but it's a bit early to tell if this is the guy I like. I get sick of the religious-figure thing. People don't question their rulers, these political figures, just as they don't question their ministers and priests. They're not going to question George Bush, especially if he goes around talking about God — "I'm going to let God decide this for me. He's going to give me the answer." The fear of God keeps people silent.

When did you first vote in a presidential election?

In 1992. I was twenty. I voted for Clinton.

Did you feel like you made a difference?

Yeah. The Eighties sucked. There was so much bullshit that went along with that decade. I felt like Clinton was a fresh face with fresh ideas. There were times when he was dropping bombs, and I'm thinking, "What the fuck are you doing?" But he became a target. We have this puritanical vision of what a leader is supposed to be, and that's what makes us the biggest hypocrites in the world. We got so inside this guy's sexual habits. Now we have a president going around, killing in the name of what? In the name of nothing.

What did you accomplish with your 2004 anti-Bush album, "American Idiot"? He was re-elected anyway, and the war in Iraq is still going on.

I found a voice. There may have been people disenfranchised by it. People have a hard time with that kind of writing: "Why are you preaching to me?" It does sound preachy, a bit. I'm a musician, and I want to say positive things. If it's about self-indulgent depression or overthrowing the government, it's gotta come from my heart. And when you say "Fuck George W. Bush" in a packed arena in Texas, that's an accomplishment, because you're saying it to the unconverted.

Do you think selling nearly 6 million copies of that album might have an effect on the 2008 election? A kid who bought it at fifteen will be voting age next year.

I hope so. I made it to give people a reason to think for themselves. It was supposed to be a catalyst. Maybe that's one reason why it's difficult for me to write about politics now. A lot of things on that record are still relevant. It's like we have this monarchy in politics — the passing of the baton between the Clintons and the Bushes. That's frightening. What needs to happen is a complete change, a person coming from the outside with a new perspective on all the fucked-up problems we have.

How would you describe the state of pop culture?

People want blood. They want to see other people thrown to the lions. Do audiences want rock stars? I can't tell. You have information coming at you from so many areas — YouTube, the Internet, tabloids. Watching Britney Spears the other night [on the MTV Video Music Awards] was like watching a public execution. How could the people at MTV, the people around her, not know this girl was fucked up? People came in expecting a train wreck, and they got more than they bargained for.

She was a willing conspirator. She didn't say no.

She is a manufactured child. She has come up through this Disney perspective, thinking that all life is about is to be the most ridiculous star you could be. But it's also about what we look at as entertainment — watching somebody go through that.

How do you decide what your children can see on TV or the Internet? As a dad, even a punk-rock dad, that can make you conservative in your choices.

I want to protect them from garbage. It's not necessarily the sex and drugs. It's bad drugs and bad sex, the violence you see on television and in the news. I want to protect them from being desensitized. I want them to realize this is real life, not a video game.

The main thing I want them to have is a good education, because that's something I never had. Get smart. Educate yourself as much as you can, and get as much out of it, even if the teacher is an asshole.

Do you regret dropping out of high school?

Life in high school sucks. I bucked the system. I also got lucky. My wife has a degree in sociology, and there are conversations she has — I don't have a fucking clue what they're talking about. College — I could have learned from that.

But I was the last of six kids. At that point, my mother was fifty-eight, and she threw up her hands — "I'm through with this parenting thing." Also, I could not handle authority figures. But I wouldn't say I'm an authority figure for my kids. I provide guidelines, not rules.

What is it like being a middle-aged punk? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

It's about the energy you bring with you, the pulse inside your head. I want to get older. I don't want to be twenty-one again. Screw that. My twenties were a difficult time — where my band was at, getting married, having a child. I remember walking out of a gig in Chicago, past these screaming kids. There were these punks, real ones, sitting outside our tour bus. One girl had a forty-ouncer, and she goes, "Billie Joe, come drink with us." I said, "I can't, I've got my family on the bus." She goes, "Well, fuck you then." I get on the bus, and my wife says, "Did that bitch just tell you to fuck off? I'm gonna kick her ass right now." I'm holding her back, while my child is naked, jumping on the couch: "Hi, Daddy!" That was my whole life right there — screaming kids, punks telling me to fuck off, my wife getting pissed, my naked son waiting to get into his pajamas.

There's nothing wrong with being twenty-one. It's the lessons you learn. At thirty, you think, "Why did I worry so much about this shit?" When I hit forty, I'll say the same thing: "Why did I worry about this shit in my thirties?"

What have you learned about yourself?

There is more to life than trying to find your way through self-destruction or throwing yourself into the fire all the time. Nihilism in punk rock can be a cliché. I need to give myself more room to breathe, to allow my thoughts to catch up with the rest of me.

Before Dookie, I wasn't married and I didn't have kids. I had a guitar, a bag of clothes and a four-track recorder. There are ways you don't want to change. You don't want to lose your spark. But I need silence more than I did before. I need to get away from the static and noise, whereas before, I thrived on it.

Are you ready for the end of the music business? The technology and its effect on sales have changed dramatically since Green Days' debut EP — on vinyl — in 1989.

Technology now and the way people put out records — everything comes at you so fast, you don't know what you're investigating. You can't identify with it — at least I can't. With American Idiot, we made a conscious effort to give people an experience they could remember for the rest of their lives. It wasn't just the content. It was the artwork, the three acts — the way you could read it all like someone's story.

Is music simply not important to young people now the way it was to you as a kid?

People get addicted to garbage they don't need. At shows, they gotta talk on their phones to their friend who's in the next aisle. I was watching this documentary on Jeff Tweedy of Wilco [Sunken Treasure]. He was playing acoustic, and he ends up screaming at the audience: "Your fucking conversation can wait. I'm up here singing a song — get involved." He wasn't being an asshole. He was like, "Leave your bullshit behind. Let's celebrate what's happening now."

We need music, and we need it good. I took it very seriously. There's a side of me where music will always send chills up my spine, make me cry, make me want to get up and do Pete Townshend windmills. In a lot of ways, I was in a minority when I was young. There are people who go, "Oh, that's a snappy tune." I listen to it and go, "That's the greatest fucking song ever. That is the song I want played at my funeral."

Now that you've brought it up, what song do you want played at your funeral?

It keeps changing. "Life on Mars?" by David Bowie. "In My Life," by the Beatles. "Love," by John Lennon.

Those are all reflective ballads, not punk.

I disagree. They are all honest in their reflection. The punk bands I liked were the ones who didn't fall into clichés — the Clash, the Ramones. The Ramones wrote beautiful love songs. They also invented punk rock. I'd have to add "Blitzkrieg Bop" to the list.

What is the future of punk rock? Will it still be a voice of rebellion in twenty years?

It's categorized in so many different ways. You've got the MySpace punks. But there is always the subculture of it — the rats in the walls, pounding the pavement and booking their own live shows. It comes down to the people who are willing to do something different from everybody else.

You are in a different, platinum-album world now. What makes you so sure that spirit survives?

I'm going on faith — because I was there. Gilman Street [the Berkeley, California, club where Green Day played early shows] is still around. And that's a hard task, because there is no bar — it's a nonprofit cooperative. It's like a commune — this feeling of bucking the system together, surviving and thriving on art. Punk, as an underground, pushes for the generation gap. As soon as you're twenty-five years old, there's a group of sixteen-year-olds coming to kick your ass. And you have to pass the torch on. It's a trip to have seen it happen so many times. It gives me goose bumps — punk is something that survives on its own.

[kimberly-spirits13]

Right Hand Man (Loyal to the End) Pt. 3

Pairing: Damian Wayne x reader

Synopsis: You were like Talia’s daughter. The only thing was that you weren’t and instead, you had grown up in the foster care system and at a young age were taken by and personally trained by Talia. Along the way, you meet Damian and the two of you start to work side by side and eventually, after some time become closer and closer. However, when disaster in the league strikes, you face balancing an old, forgotten life as a normal child and the burden of right hand to the demon heir.

Note: I know that this is long and that there are a good number of time skips, but I didn’t want to make this into a series and just wanted it as a long fic because .... well because I can lol

Also, I didn’t want to have Damian so young in this so just go with it. I’m thinking maybe early 15 or almost 16 at the most. Idk I just don’t like writing for young Dami.

Warnings: mentions of murder, blood, brief mentions of torture but not for long

Word Count: 1836

Pt.1

       You boarded the jet that was to take you to Italy. Looking back at Damian, the two of you exchanged quick nods and you headed into the cockpit. After a few minutes, the flight had taken off and you were on your way to Italy. As always you had promised to return with a song. It was something that he could have that wasn’t assigned or approved of by his mother. You understood that well. Sitting back, you sighed just a bit and got your mind into the game.

Damian’s POV:

        It wasn’t a rare thing for you to leave on missions. You did every month or so. It was just that things seemed to be even more of a task around the compound. Training’s vigor was more noticeable. Classes were more boring. The food and company were terrible. The list went on and on when you left. It did improve greatly when you came back most of the time however. The rare nights that you got back and were injured were some of the scariest. You took the worst blows for your team. It was what made you the best leader he’d ever met.

        On the nights that Damian saw you being taken to the infirmary practically bleeding out stayed in his nightmares from day one. Talia would try and make him leave since she knew that he typically reacted strongly to it no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He’d worry all night about you until you were back on the training field. The one night he lost it was when you almost died. It was so bad they had to use the pit. He could hear you screaming and knew that you would have rather died. It was a way that the league would torture you. If you messed up, they’d put you in front of a film showing all of your mistakes. After that, you would be nearly dead once they tried to bleed you out and thrown into the pit by yourself. The next day when no one was looking, he pulled you into a massive hug. It’s never been discussed since.

        Now he was alone training. His sparring partner was in Italy on a mission without him. It was too quiet in the room now. Damian’s thoughts ran wild as he imagined what might happen while you were in Italy. He knew that there was something that you knew about this turmoil in the league that you were hiding. He suspected that it was on his mother’s demands. Besides, if it was a serious danger, you would say something. At least, he thought you would.

        Looking up at the clock that was hanging high on the wall, he was taken from his thoughts be the time. Damian picked up his bag and left for his class that he would be late for if he didn’t rush. Talia would never approve of that. Throughout the rest of the day, he was distracted by the thought of your absence. Though, he’d never admit it. Sitting on the rooftop alone was strange. He almost expected you to join him at any moment preferring the comfortable silence and ease that came with you during these times. He found no point in staying much longer since he couldn’t relax and eventually headed to bed early.

Your POV:

        It was night time in Italy. You had scouted the convention and knew all of the points that the targets could get in and out. Going over the plan one last time with your team, you had the map of the building on the desk between everyone.

        “Beta, you take target two, make sure that no one of importance leaves alive.” You had explained, “Regroup at the jet once you’ve finished your task. If you’re not back by the end of the hour, find your own transportation to the compound.” “Is everyone clear on the objective?”

        The group nodded, “Yes General.”

“Good, we will not be having the issues that were with last mission’s assigned team.”

        You folded the map and put it into a compartment in your belt before leaving with the rest of the team and splitting up into groups. This mission was going to be easy in all regards. You had entered the dressing room of your target. The rest of the squad was taking care of the security on the outside. Breaking communication was the most important aspect of the starting phase. This way no one would know if anything was going on. You watched the security team of the foreign diplomat. They were in formation even here. Their weapons were advanced but nothing you wouldn’t be able to handle. The song of an American movie played in the background on their phone. You knew it was something from a Disney musical.

      “Tightrope!” You thought remembering that you’d never gotten the chance to relay the song to Damian, “Hopefully the timing of the song isn’t ill placed with everything going on behind the curtains.” “Focus Y/N, you’re on a mission, not at a concert.”

      Without a moment’s notice, you hit the signal button on your communicator and then threw in a poison dart into all of the guards. There was a sudden clamor as men started dropping. You smirked some seeing the substance work before coming behind the diplomat and ending him with an injection of a stronger substance sure to end him before giving one more dose of a different chemical to insure the death of all.

      You saw that your team was finished and packed back up with the team before heading out.

“Report.” You demanded once getting to the jet on the coms.

“Mission was successful, heading to meet up now.” The squads confirmed.

“Well done to all sides.”

Careful to remember the song, you played it on repeat in your mind as you boarded the jet and took off. Ultimately, you were glad to be sleeping in your own bed tonight if you had the chance to sleep after reports were made to Talia and that the team was competent. You wanted to groan thinking about not sleeping tonight. You were bone tired but knew that the show must go on. Otherwise you’d be severely punished. No sleep was better than the pit.

Upon arrival, Talia met you at the landing pad as usual.

“Report.” She said with a better demeanor seeing you not covered head to toe in blood and rain.

“The mission was a success. All parties were taken out without alerting anyone with the approved weapon of choice.” “No intervention from myself was needed.” You said giving a very, very brief rundown before you’d have to relay the entire mission to her later.

“Good. Report to your rooms. General, I expect you in the briefing room in forty minutes.”

“Yes Talia.”

You saw that Damian was coming from down the hallway. He was later than usual but none the less, you were glad to see him. Even if you’d never admit it.

Damian’s POV:

        Damian ran down the hallway upon seeing the jet land. He knew to slow down when the hall would become populated and he’d be exposed so he did. However, the moment that no one was around, he was running again. Damian heard his mother and slowed to a walking pace, taking back his proper stance and commanding look.

        “Yes Talia.” He heard you say before you walked past her and towards him.

        He was glad to see you ... not drenched in blood. From your blood or someone else’s for that matter. You almost glistened in the moon light as you did on the roof tops. Though, he’d never seen you in mission gear like this for some reason. You looked like the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

        “Damian.” You nodded walking to him.

        “Y/N. I am pleased to see you not covered in blood and rain.” He commented smirking just a bit.

        “Very funny demon. The feeling is mutual.” You replied.

        He turned and watched you walk down the hall before going to the roof tops after talking with Talia. Damian knew that you wouldn’t be joining him tonight, however he was ready whenever you did.

_______________________________________________________________________

        That day almost never came. With what you had taken on with the new rank, you were always busy well into the night. Damian hated it. You almost hated it too. You loved the nights on the rooftop. Slowly, you tried to get back on better sleep but tonight you just wanted the stars and the mountains. That was it.

        Over the past few weeks, you had hardly had any time to talk. Even during training for some part was spent with recruits instead of him. You both hated it. For the first time it felt like you were away from a mission but still there. Damian thought that you were too busy for him most of the time so he just didn’t make the attempt to talk to you. You thought that he was going for space for a while so you didn’t push anything. Eventually, you were sick of it though and decided to head to the roof.

        You climbed to the top noticing that Damian was already there. Carefully, you sat next to him, legs hanging off the side of the structure.

        “I assumed you would not come tonight.” He commented.

        “I do not blame you. I’ve been ... extremely busy as of late with this new roll.” You sighed laying down on the roof.

        He didn’t say anything for a little while and just enjoyed being able to relax in a place other than maybe his chamber. You enjoyed the silence for a while before he did finally say something.

        “Did you come back with a song?” Damian asked glancing at you some.

        “As always.” “And do you still want to hear it?”

        “Of course.” He rolled his eyes some at your answer.        

        You started with the song ditching the higher notes as to not be too loud. He knew you could hit them and he knew that you dodged them. He’d heard you before as Talia wanted you to be able to sing for some unknown reason. When you weren’t training as a child or in schooling, you were doing that with a professor. The two of you sat there for a while just admiring the view.

        “I should be going off to bed now.” You said, “I have a lingering feeling tomorrow will be long.”

        “I understand.” Damian stood with you and headed for his bedroom.

        “I expect to see you at afternoon training tomorrow? I don’t have as many responsibilities tomorrow.”

        Damian almost smiled, “Of course.”

        You headed to your room and plopped into the bed. It was going to be a long day tomorrow. No matter how much you couldn’t wait to see Damian more, something told you not to get your hopes up. Before being totally consumed by your thoughts, you drifted to sleep.

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[keytomythoughts]

Perfect Imperfections | Chapter 2

Chapter Index

»»—————————————-　

“Wait, you’re making your debut soon? You were still a trainee when I was in high school, right?”

He nods, one hand on the steering wheel while the other hangs outside of the car. “The company told me a month ago, so we’ve been practicing like crazy. Fortunately, practice ended early today, so I was able to swing by and pick you up from the train station.”

I smile smugly, punching his arm playfully. “Aww, you did miss me. Look at that.”

He snorts but doesn’t refute my statement. 

The evening sky is dusted in shades of rose, gold, and soft orange, the mix enveloping the horizon similar to a canvas being brushed with aesthetic paints. The clouds hang low, the sun casting shadows on the tallest of buildings with its warm, pale-yellow glow. The wind doesn’t nip at us sharply, instead shifting to a more calming, serene breeze. 

The car ride shouldn’t have lasted as long as it did, but I realize halfway that he was purposely taking the longer routes home. Sensing my lurking apprehension from our phone call hours ago, my brother picked up on that cue and decided to distract me as much as he could before we inevitably had to return.

Something my parents failed to realize. 

“Oh right, I forgot to ask,” Jaehyun stares ahead and switches lanes with ease, heading towards yet another highway, “how are Eunwoo and Moonbin?”

I did mention that Eunwoo and Jaehyun are close friends as well, so it wasn’t surprising when I found out that he knows of my friends circle. Well, those two really. Imagine my horror when I realized that they were the same age and friends. Shocking at first, but I got used to it. Besides, it’s not like we were awkward about it or anything. Moonbin also knew my brother, so we all essentially got along fairly well. 

I push the strands of hair away from my face, glancing down at my phone in my lap to find no new notifications from them since I last texted. Sighing, I look out to my right. “They’re fine. Both of them are gonna be in Seoul for the summer, so we’re just planning on hanging out until college starts.”

“Have you guys decided where to go, what you want to study?” 

I shrug my shoulders. “Not really. I mean, I’ve been thinking about medicine at Korea University, but,” I sink into the seat a little, sighing, “you know it’s not up to me.” My voice drops to a whisper near the end, my eyes casting towards the road ahead. 

Jaehyun turns to me, taking his hand off the steering wheel to gently pat my arm. “I know, sis. I really do. But still,” he removes his hand and places it back on the wheel, his eyes refocusing back on the road, “you should tell them what you want to do. Who knows, they might listen this time.”

I snort, crossing my arms over my chest. I tilt my head back against the seat, turning to look at my brother. “You really think so?”

To this, he doesn’t respond. How could he? It would be a lie meant to comfort me, but we both know the truth. He simply sighs, running a hand through his hair and leaving it behind his neck. I heave another sigh as well, both of us knowing that things may not work out the way we would like them to. 

This wouldn’t be the first time anyways.

We exit the freeway and merge onto the familiar streets of my neighborhood. Soon enough, we were pulling up into our driveway, the nervousness replacing the initial excitement of being back home. Jaehyun turns off the engine, neither of us making a move to leave the car first. Of course, with my nerves shot and breathing shallow, there would be no way I could go inside alone. Lucky for me, I’m not.

But why can’t I shake this sick feeling?

Jaehyun reaches out and squeezes my hand once, flashing that stupid grin of his at me. “C’mon, let’s go inside. Your oppa will protect you~”

I swat his hand away, my nose wrinkling in disgust but the laughter bubbles in my throat. He rubs my head again before removing his shades and stepping out of the car. Before I can unbuckle and step out myself, Jaehyun already stands at my side, holding my luggage. He waits patiently until I close the door behind me, my steps wavering slightly as I stand before the elaborately carved wooden door of our house. 

Jaehyun nudges my shoulder, smirking. “It won’t bite, Hyu.”

I roll my eyes as I follow right behind him. He unlocks the door and turns the doorknob and disappears past the threshold. I trail close behind him, a breath catching in my throat as I walk towards the living room. Everything was the way I remembered it, minus the new decorative pieces presumably from my father’s visits abroad. Living as a surgeon requires him to embark on trips overseas, sometimes not returning for months at a time. My mother, on the other hand, doesn’t actively practice surgery, instead deciding to teach as a medical professor at a top university in the northern district of Seoul. 

Four years and nothing has changed, huh? 

Jaehyun states that he’s going to put my belongings in my room before coming back down, and I nod at him. Just as he ascends up the stairs, my mother emerges from the kitchen, smoothing down the front of her lavish apron, a tight smile adorning her small, petite face. Her reddish-brown hair is worn in a small bun, her glasses hanging from her shirt. I won’t lie to you, my mother is a beautiful woman, even in her late forties. Smart, rich, and insanely polished. Not only her, but my father is the same as well. It’s no surprise where my brother gets his enviable features from, while I question what leftovers were given to me. I never believed myself to be smart or beautiful, like my parents. Nor was I carefree and sociable, like my brother. Sometimes I question if I was ever adopted, seeing as I seem to be my family’s outlier. The odd-one-out. Yet, Moonbin and Eunwoo highlighted those little bits of me that I’ve shamed myself on. Where I saw disappointment, they saw genuity. The “flaws” were my strengths. They prided me on the things my parents didn’t view so favorably. 

How I wish they were with me right now.  

My mom approaches me, enveloping me in a rather tight embrace. Wasn’t expecting that, but I reciprocate the action anyway.

“Hyuna, dear, I’m so glad you’re home,” she pulls away, grabbing me by my arms as her eyes scan my face, smiling, “and you’ve gotten so much prettier. I see your aunt took care of you well, I’m glad.” She places a hand against my cheek.

I smile nervously. “Happy to be back, mom. Sorry for not informing you and dad that I was coming back today.”

She shakes her head, tapping my cheek lightly before moving away from me. “Nonsense, dear. Your father is in his study, so he’ll be down shortly. I know how very tired you must be, so let’s set the table for dinner.” She shuffles back towards the kitchen, soon bringing out various utensils and a stack of plates. I immediately grab them from her and arrange the items on the table for the four of us. My mom kisses the top of my head and smooths my hair down, returning to the kitchen so she could bring out the meals. 

Something’s not right here.

My mother isn’t really the affectionate type. While it was blatantly obvious that I wasn’t the favorite child, that title reserved for Jaehyun (again, no surprise there), they didn’t really hate me, if that makes sense. They just tended to leave Jaehyun to do as he pleases, while I would have to listen to them. I don’t doubt that they care for us both, as good parents should, but I can’t help but feel disheartened when they would dismiss my feelings and decide to enforce their own ideals on me. Claiming that this would be “the best for me”.

As much as I respect my parents for raising me to be the ambitious, hardworking woman that I am, a part of me wishes that they would see me as a person with hopes and aspirations of my own, not just an extension of their legacy. 

How could they decide what’s best for me when I don’t even have the ability to voice them myself?

Moments later, my father descends from the stairs, my brother walking down from behind him as well. It seems like he’s been busy with office meetings, seeing as he’s still dressed in his formal beige button-up shirt and black dress pants. His glasses sit perfectly on the bridge of his nose, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants. 

I bow my head in respect. “Good evening, Father.”

He acknowledges my presence with a curt nod. No surprise again. He’s a man of few words, but when he does speak, he’s blunt and gets straight to the point. Wasting time and skirting around the truth has never been his philosophy. He practically radiates with superiority and firmness. From the stoic expression on his face to his neatly styled brown hair, my father was nothing short of a posh man in his early fifties. The best surgeon, the perfect doctor, the staple of all admirable men in South Korea.

In short, he’s practically worshipped by professionals across the nation. 

Naturally, my brother and I take great pride in our parents and our family’s rather successful and lavish legacy. Of course, with this reputation, it’s expected of us to uphold it. Education must be nothing short of challenging. Careers must be everything but disappointing. Appearances had to be pristine, no flaws or shortcomings apparent.

You get the picture.

My brother attended college for a short while—a year and a few months, if I’m not wrong—before dropping out once he got scouted by a reputable entertainment label. I don’t know specific details, but I do know that my parents weren’t initially too pleased to hear that he wanted to pursue a career as an idol singer. Nonetheless, and with the things Jaehyun was allowed to get away with, this was just another thing to be added to that list. I figured my father would come around and think that the Jungs shouldn’t be limited to more “sophisticated” fields—medicine, law, business, and the like. Branching out and including fine arts, including performance, would only solidify the notion that our family is meant to dominate every field imaginable with integrity and poise. 

My mother and I finish setting up the table and call for the rest to sit. Seeing the variety of dishes laid out, you would think it was a special occasion. Surely they weren’t celebrating my graduation as class Valedictorian. I haven’t told them any of my accomplishments, but I’m sure they had their means of getting access to my reports even before I was made aware of them. Connections, the most vital thing in the Jung family. It’s what helps us climb ranks and secure top positions in society. Why we’re so heavily respected, as well as feared. 

Jaehyun and I sit adjacent to each other while our parents are seated across us. We begin to eat in silence. Nothing too different from how we had family dinners back then, albeit the absence of my father or mother from late meetings or an overseas conference. To be quite frank, it did seem strange to have a meal with all of us present after so long.

My father suddenly clears his throat. “Hyuna, I heard from the teachers at your high school that you performed excellently. I’m pleased to hear this.”

I pause, my eyes training up to meet his steady gaze. Though pleased, he didn’t seem to express it facially. A direct complement is seldom said, so it comes as no surprise that it was the only thing I, or my brother, would be receiving. 

Jaehyun nudges me, realizing that I hadn’t responded as my father awaits with the same steady expression.    

“O-Oh, thank you, Father.”

He nods, placing his utensil back down on the plate before clasping his hands in front of him.

“Now that you’ve graduated, have you considered your possible college options and future career plans?”

This. This is the very question I’ve been dreading.

I can feel the air around me grow thick with anticipation. His words hang in the air, the words to respond with the scripted lines I’ve recited endlessly in my brain unable to fall from my lips. I suddenly recall what Jaehyun and Moonbin had told me prior, to try and voice my opinions in hopes that they may be heard and properly considered this time. After all, I would never know if I didn't try. Here’s my chance.

But, my father continues upon my brief hesitation. “With your academic record, you would have no issue enrolling in the top universities within the country. Even abroad, if you considered that as well.”

I gulp, my fingers clenching tightly in my lap. I force my rapid heart to slow its pace in fear that it may burst out of my chest, my breathing trying to be as calm as it can be. I can feel Jaehyun eyeing me from the side, and my mother stops eating as well. 

There’s silence. One which I break when I open my mouth to let the words bottled up in my mind spill out before I can properly think them through.

“I want to stay here, in Seoul.”

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3