#as a “haha! It would be so funny if i got another five-star!”

[shadowingfas]

2 five stars in one 10 pull and then after a couple days of not playing another five star in a 10 pull.

the two five stars in question. (In that order btw)

and now....

R1?!?

On Jinhsi's banner too???

[aspoonofsugar]

Hi! Do you have an analysis of hell greastest dad? Do you think it's worth analizing?

Hi!

Yes, I think Hell's Greatest Dad says a lot about Lucifer and Alastor. In particular, I would call it a "set-up song" in how it sets up:

Lucifer and Alastor's foiling

Lucifer's arc in the episode Dad Beat Dad

Alastor's arc (or at least it does some preparatory work)

Future plot-points through foreshadowing

In short, it isn't a song, which pays off immediately and it isn't the thematic heart of the episode (More Than Anything is). Still, it works very well by introducing ideas and conflicts that are postponed. Just like Lucifer and Alastor's rivalry isn't solved because of Mimzy's arrival:

Before I start analyzing the song, here are some metas I am gonna reference in this post:

Alastor and Lucifer's foiling

More Than Anything

An analysis of Alastor

An analysis of Lucifer

LUCIFER AND ALASTOR'S FOILING: DAD LIKE ME

Hell's Greatest Dad is inspired by Aladdin's Friend Like Me.

Some examples:

At the same time, it is a twist on the classic Disney song in two ways:

Lucifer is the geenie advertising his selling points, but Alastor, another geenie, comes and picks a fight (1/2)

The two geenies offer different and complementary things (2/2)

LUCIFER AND ALASTOR'S FOILING 1/2: LIGHT AND SHADOW

Lucifer and Alastor have opposite motifs:

Lucifer has a light motif, as his name means shining one and his powers use light

Alastor has a shadow motif, as his shadow moves on its own and his abilities employ shadows

This imagery ties with jungian symbolism. According to Jung:

The light is the persona, the mask one wears. It is the part of the self a person shows to others. It is what is out in the open and it is often an ideal image.

The shadow is what's hidden and repressed. It is the part of the self the person is unaware of or ignores. It is often what one dislikes about themselves.

Throughout Hell's Greatest Dad, Lucifer and Alastor's conflicting motifs clash with each other.

Lucifer is surrouned by gold (light):

Alastor has a purple background (shadow):

Similarly, Lucifer tries to put off a mask of perfection and power:

Lucifer: Haha! Looks like you could use some help From the Big Boss of Hell himself Check out Daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp Lucifer Muppets: "Five Stars!" "Flawless!" "Greater than great!"

Lucifer shows Charlie his stellar reviews on Yelp, but the ones praising him are Lucifer-puppets. So, the reviews are from puppet accounts and an attempt to look better than what he is.

Alastor instead fights back by using Lucifer's hidden fears and insecurities:

Alastor: I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond Charlie: Awww! Alastor: You're like the child that I wish that I had Lucifer: Uh, what? Alastor: I care for you just like a daughter I spawned Lucifer: Hold on now! Alastor: It's a little funny You could almost call me Dad!

Alastor weaponizes his bond with Charlie against Lucifer. He exagerates his own contributions to the Hazbin Hotel and the closeness he has with Charlie.

At its root, both Lucifer and Alastor don't want to admit they are projecting something on the other.

On the one hand Lucifer doesn't want to face his shortcomings as a father, which Alastor brings to the surface:

Alastor: Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud

On the other hand Alastor doesn't want to admit he is envious of Lucifer's powers and freedom (as this episode reveals, Alastor is on a leash):

Lucifer: Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef?

None of the two can fully overwhelm the other because neither is ready to face himself. This is why the song ends with the unexpected arrival of another character:

t's me! It's me! Mimzzzyyyyyyy!

Mimzy's color scheme in the song is purple, like Alastor's. That is because she herself is linked to the shadow. Specifically, she is linked to Alastor's own shadow.

To what he is hiding, like his past:

Mimzy: Oh yeah, we go way back, ran in the same circles when we were alive. You know, this one used to frequent the club where I used to perform. He's the only one I knew who could pound whiskey like a sailor then keep up with me on the dance floor!

To what he is repressing, like his need for validation and attention:

Husk: You and I both know Mimzy only shows up when she needs something. That bitch is trouble, and who knows what kind of demon she fucked with to come running to you this time? Alastor: it's nothing I can't handle. Don't worry Husker. Who in their right mind would cross me?

In short, Lucifer tries to get Charlie's praise and is mocked for it by Alastor. Still, Alastor himself shares a bond with Mimzy, where he uses his powers to satisfy her requests in exchange of respect. So, Mimzy takes over Alastor's song like Alastor inserts himself in Lucifer's:

Alastor: Can you butt out of my song? Lucifer: Your song? I started this! Alastor: I'm singing it, I'll finish it! Lucifer: OH, YOU TACKY PIECE OF—! Mimzy: It's me! Yes, it's me! I know you were all waiting for me!

To summarize: Lucifer wears a persona> Alastor steps in as Lucifer's shadow > Mimzy arrives to play Alastor's shadow.

LUCIFER AND ALASTOR'S FOILING 2/2: WANT (HEART) VS NEED (MIND)

Lucifer shows all the impossible and fantastical things he could give Charlie. According to him, he could even twist reality for her:

I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref! Champagne fountains Caviar mountains That's just to start!

Alastor reminds Charlie of all the down-to-earth things he does for her everyday:

Alastor: I'm your guy, your day-to-day Your chum, your steadfast hotelier Remember when I fixed that clog today?

Lucifer is the want, whereas Alastor is the need. The Devil is the ideal, while the Radio Demon is reality. Both their approaches are needed in Charlie's quest. She has to dream big, but she has also to be pragmatic and face reality.

She needs both mind (Alastor):

Alastor: They say when you're looking for assistance It's smart to pick the path of least resistance

And heart (Lucifer):

Lucifer: Others say that in your needy hour There's no substitute for pure angelic power!

So, Lucifer and Alastor can fight all they want, but in the end they are both needed by Charlie:

Lucifer is linked to dreams and ideals. He is the legacy Charlie inherits and the biological family she wants to re-connect with. Finally, he is Charlie's guide to Heaven, as he sets up her meeting with Sera and Emily.

Alastor is linked to fear and the unknown. He is the ally Charlie finds by herself and the found family she chooses. Finally, he is Charlie's guide in Hell, as he introduces her to Rosie and helps her inspire the cannibals.

LUCIFER: DEVIL AND ANGEL

Lucifer's arc in Dad Beat Dad can be summarized by juxtaposing Hell's Greatest Dad with More Than Anything.

Hell's Greatest Dad focuses on how Lucifer is the "Big Boss of Hell himself":

The lyrics reference pacts with the devils, pentagrams and sacrificial lambs:

Oh, with the punch of a pentagram I wap-bam-boom, alakazam Usually, I charge a sacrificial lamb But you get the family rate (thanks dad!)

And the music plays homage to The Devil Went Down to Georgia, with Lucifer playing the Devil's famous golden fiddle:

At the same time, Lucifer is very self-centered throughout the whole song:

He keeps self-duplicating, as he himself sings how great he is. This ties with the fact he is trying to project an image of power and confidence. He is hiding under a metaphorical rug all his insecurities and flaws. He is repressing the shadow.

However, Charlie doesn't really want the Devil. She needs the Fallen Angel. It is this side of Lucifer that comes out in More Than Anything:

This song explores Lucifer's past as an angel and the pain of his fall. All things he tries to hide out of shame. Still, he shares them with Charlie together with his most genuine self. By doing so, he acts selflessly and puts Charlie's needs and wishes above his own. He puts his daughter at the centre of the scene:

Lucifer shows Charlie his shadow, which actually makes his light stronger:

In Dad Beat Dad Lucifer goes from Hell's Greater Dad, where he is linked to fire and demonic symbolism, to More Than Anything, where he is characterized by light and angelic imagery. From want (Champagne fountains, caviar mountains) to need (I'll support your dream whatever lies in store).

ALASTOR: GROUNDWORK

Alastor's part in Hell's Greatest Dad is similar to his role in Stayed Gone. Both times, a powerful demon is singing his song, only for Alastor to come and throw off their groove. Still, there are some differences:

In Stayed Gone, Vox is focused on Alastor to the point his whole performance is a cry for attention from the Radio Demon. Alastor in fact has central stage, as Vox sings about him and to him. In Hell's Greatest Dad instead Alastor is an afterthought. Lucifer is singing to Charlie with some occasional backhanded insult to the Radio Demon. Basically, in the first song Vox is looking for attention. In the second, it is Alastor himself, who wants to be looked at:

In Stayed Gone Alastor easily takes control of the song and by the end he dominates it. In Hell's Greatest Dad Alastor fails to do the same. Not only Lucifer puts up a fight, but by the end Mimzy arrives and steals the stage. This difference mirrors Alastor's spiral throughout the season. He starts wearing a mask of control, but slowly he reveals himself as controlled. This progression is shown in his songs. He dominates Stayed Gone, he fails to take over Hell's Greatest Dad and he loses his control in the Finale:

At the same time, both Stayed Gone and Hell's Greatest Dad set up important plot-points in Alastor's arc. On the one hand Vox's song implies him and Alastor have some unfinished business. On the other hand Lucifer's song foreshadows some deeper conflict going on between Alastor and the King of Hell. What is more, the song frames the Devil and the Radio Demon as intertwined characters.

This last point is made clear by both Dad Beat Dad and Hell's Greatest Dad referencing the Pilot multiple times.

1-Hell's Greatest Dad references Inside of Every Demon is a Lost Cause in three ways:

Alastor changes the surroundings by using neon lights, like in the Pilot

Alastor dances with Charlie in the same spot they dance in the Pilot

Lucifer summons a slot machine, like Alastor does in the Pilot

2-Both in Dad Beat Dad and in the Pilot, Alastor is trying to win Charlie's favor and to steal her away from a loved one. In the Pilot he does so with Vaggie, whereas in the episode, he gets in Lucifer's way.

3-Both the Pilot and Dad Beat Dad have a character explain Alastor's backstory:

Vaggie: He began to topple Overlords who have been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him "The Radio Demon" (as lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils.

Mimzy: He appeared in Hell suddenly, making a splash quicker than anyone had ever seen. At first, people wanted to dismiss him. but soon, overlords started going missing, and not small ones neither. We're talking heavy. hitters. No one knew what happened to 'em, until these strange radio broadcasts started going out. All you could hear were screams. Every time an overlord went missing, there'd be a new voice screaming in the broadcast! That's when Alastor revealed himself as the radio demon, and anyone that would mess with him…  well, let's just say, his broadcasts never lacked new voices.

Why are there so many connections between the two episodes? It is to cement Lucifer and Alastor's foiling. For example, it is telling Alastor gets major focus in Lucifer's debut episode. Not only that, but all these calls back reveal their bond has been prepared and foreshadowed since the pilot:

Alastor looks at the Morningstar Family's portrait and narrows his eyes in the Pilot.

This is why the Pilot itself is full of phrases Alastor says that are given to Lucifer in the series proper:

Alastor: Well, I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya?

Lucifer: Sooo.... Who's up for pancakes?

Alastor: Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now… Stay tuned. Hahaha…!

Lucifer: Come on, little lady, why the frown? In the last 10,000 years You're the first one to change this town!

Alastor: After all, the world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment.

Lucifer: The stage is wrecked, the crowd is gone But by God, Charlie! The show, it must go on!

Basically, the Radio Demon and the Devil are incredibly similar, to the point that they convey the same ideas in opposite ways. In particular, the Pilot tells us what their shared arc is gonna be:

Alastor: Hahaha, why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom! I've lacked inspiration for decades. My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I've come to crave a new form of entertainment! Hahaha!

Alastor and Lucifer are at their root two artists who are uninspired and find new drive (for different reasons) in Charlie's big lofty dream. The ways they will approach this journey and where their foiling will go is left to be seen.

FORESHADOWING

Hell's Greatest Dad has some foreshadowing for The Show Must Go On:

This frame and Lucifer's line about him charging sacrificial lambs for his help hint at how the final battle is gonna go. Dazzle, who plays the sacrificial lamb in the song, dies, which frees Lucifer from his pact with Heaven. As a matter of fact Lute kills a Hellborn, which goes against the rules, so Lucifer intervenes and saves his daughter. In short, Lucifer helps Charlie in exchange for Dazzle's life.

Here it is everything I can think of when it comes to this song! I hope you like it :) and thank you for the ask!

[singeart]

20 Writer Questions

Thank you @mytardisisparked for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

An astounding 20! I never thought I'd write this many haha

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

79,836

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Star Trek Voyager and The X Files! I always thought about writing for Once Upon A Time but never felt a strong enough calling- I'm pretty happy with how Captain Swan played out ;)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

+ A Flower for Everytime I Think of You (chlonath from Miraculous Ladybug, I miss how popular this ship was ;-; I feel like I can't find anything new for it on here)

(the rest are from Voyager~)

+ Two Shorten the Road

+ Suspension

+ Compote

+ Gold Rush

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yeah for the most part! Especially if people point out a certain part they liked I live for that!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I am a happy ending girlie, all the angst happens in the middle of my fics lol. That being said, I think For That Which Ails You could be considered a little angsty at the end because Scully is still terminally ill, nothing has actually changed, and Mulder wasn't there when she woke up. There's a bit of melancholy to it!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Compote! Fluffy throughout and then they share a laugh and a Moment tm at the end of it

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Writing kisses is hard enough lmao. I also just don't want to

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No I've never even thought about doing that! Voyager x X Files would be so fun though

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, though yeah AI has probably scanned some of my works

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Nay

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, technically, but brainstorming with the bestie and mutuals is always great for inspiration!!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I can't choose, Janeway x Chakotay and Mulder x Scully are both profound to meee

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Well...I had this idea for a Admiral Janeway centered fic but I don't think it's going to happen. Also a couple of AU ideas for J/C but eh they don't feel original enough u_u

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue babey, I think!! And the little meaningful exchanges that come with? I also think I can write subtle funny stuff pretty well though maybe it's only noticeable to me haha

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Describing a scene, I never do I am relying on the reader's imagination LOL

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Never had a reason to, not that I'm fluent in anything else :/

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Miraculous Ladybug ^_^

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I think it's still Kathryn Janeway, PI because I loove the idea of her playing detective and writing from Chakotay's pov was a nice challenge for me, but Hastilude is coming in at a close second... I really enjoyed coming up with a case that Mulder and Scully had to solve and figuring out how all the pieces fit together, plus I got to put them in silly little outfits, what's not to like?

Tagging: the user reading this!! seriously I want to know :3c

[chloecherrysip]

Hey.....remember when I said I wasn't gonna go see the Mario movie in theaters again? WHAT IF, HYPOTHETICALLY, THAT WAS A FLATOUT LIE AND I WENT AGAIN EARLIER TODAY???

AND what if I had more thoughts to share somehow, even though I could have sworn I was tapped out and would never do another longform post like this?? Wouldn't that be so very silly of me????

WELL, FUNNY THING

LOOK, I just really wanted to get out of the house and there was a showing in 3D five minutes away from me and I hadn't seen it in 3D! I have seen maybe ONE movie in 3D in my whole life and it was several years ago so I'm not too used to what that's like - and honestly, the effect is pretty cool! Maybe I'm easy to please but I liked the way the rain/ocean spray/ice in the beginning/etc actually seemed like it was in the air around me! (Also, I got a legitimate jolt when the Dry Bones popped out of the ground, I just didn't expect it to seem so CLOSE lololol)

Also, it was pretty delightful that we are several weeks into this movie's release and there was still someone dressed up fully as Mario in the theatre who walked by me. I love people! :D

I am at the point where just NINTENDO'S OPENING LOGO ANIMATION makes me emotional, with Mario and Luigi together and Luigi hopping playfully on Mario's head before running off with Mario jumping after him. They're just the LITTLE RETRO SPRITES and still!!! Brothers!!!!!!!!

During this viewing, I got really into thinking about the lore of the movie!universe specifically and the history of Bowser and his and Peach's conflict. My main question: what is UP with that castle in the Dark Lands? From the brief glimpse we get of the inside, it looks pretty abandoned with stuff littered all over the ground, not like Bowser just left it to go on his crusade. And yet, everyone talks about the Dark Lands as though that is where Bowser currently is and it's also where he lives when he's NOT in a floating airship. Maybe he abandoned that smaller castle years ago and the airship is actually his new and improved castle and it was a part of the Dark Lands before Kamek/magic in general just lifted it into the air at some point? But then why are there Shy Guys actively living in and/or patrolling the old castle still??? HMM

Also, Bowser says he had to spend YEARS searching for the super star! That's a lot of time!!! Have the penguins hidden it away from everyone all this time just to keep it safe? Has Peach known about it all along/done anything to help protect it herself? Is there only one star in existence? Does it regenerate after being used and if so, how long does that take??? I like thinking about all these little details, haha.

ALSO x 2, I'm just interested in Bowser and Peach's interactions before the movie in general. Bowser mentions that they've been "sworn enemies" for quite some time and the way he says "Princess Peach! Brave as ever!" just feels like something you say to someone you've spoken with before/have a little familiarity with that ISN'T just creepy spying/pining from afar, lol. Has Bowser tried to invade in the past? I almost wonder if, in the beginning, Peach was her charitable self who tried very hard to reason with him/strike up a peace treaty but it's just always gone wrong or she's VERY MUCH MISREAD all attempts at flirting on Bowser's part or she has just seen too much evidence of him being cruel/willing to kill to get what he wants in the process and that's why she's like "nah fam we're gonna annihilate this monster and leave not a trace behind, i'm DONE with all that peace stuff" now. She is NOT HAVING IT any longer and honestly? I respect that. Bowser is the worst.

(Slightly related: someone remind me that once I'm done with my fic, I need to go into more detail about another alternative movie scenario I've been thinking about where Mario is able to get rid of the Bomber Bill without the Brooklyn stuff ever happening and a furious Bowser grabs both Peach and Luigi (because every time I'm reminded that they never pay off Bowser's threat to use Luigi to hurt Mario, I become a little more insane) and flees in a smaller airship back to the Dark Lands with Mario & company in hot pursuit, and it's basically a more traditional Mario game finale but maybe there's BOWSER BACKSTORY regarding the Dark Lands castle and also Peach & Luigi being kidnapped together lets them bond and eventually become Breakout Buddies and look, it would be a fun time and I want to flesh it out more, OK)

This movie has GOT to come out on digital soon because I NEED to gif so many things (and I don't want to use camrips!!!) and one of those things is every instance of Mario awkwardly waving hello to strangers. HE DOES IT LIKE 5-6 TIMES, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. IT'S SO CUTE

Also, I love that Mario calls Cranky Kong "sir" when agreeing to the DK fight. THE MOST POLITE MAN IN THE WORLDDDD

I adore how genuinely touched Mario seems by Peach saying that him not knowing when to quit is a great thing. His little, gentle "thanks" in return makes my heart SOFT. Just makes me think about the vibe of him being the "impulsive" son, the "troublemaker" son in the family and how people like his dad have maybe been tough on him about that quality, and for Peach to just be so excited and look so HAPPY at the concept is so surprising to him -maybe she's the first person outside of Luigi to act like that!

me to me: you have seen this SO many times, do NOT tear up again when Mario sees the commercial on the cracked TV!!!

also me to me: CAN'T HEAR YOU, ALREADY TEARING UP

Also forever emotional about the fact that Mario and Luigi have absolutely NO context for what the star is or what it can do when they decide to grab it together - Peach told Mario to go for it, and that's ALL the information available. But the manhole cover is melting and Bowser's flames are literal seconds away from engulfing them. And even so, they're not afraid, because they're together again and whatever happens next, they'll face hand in hand, side by side, and it's that trust, that unbreakable bond that truly makes them invincible at the end of the day, and DON'T MIND ME, I'LL JUST SOFTLY WEEP OVER HERE

LUIGI WIPING A HAPPY TEAR AWAY AS HE AND MARIO HOLD ONTO EACH OTHER AT THE VERY END ;_______; HE MUST FEEL SO RELIEVED ;_______; PROTECT HIM ALWAYS

I made myself laugh as I was leaving the theater by thinking about the person that had to write that newspaper article at the end about what happened. What must that article read like???? How would you ever begin to be able to describe the events that took place here without sounding like an insane person???? Are the people who didn't see it in person reading this like "uhhhh is this April Fool's Day???" I WOULD HAVE THAT REACTION. I DON'T ENVY THAT PERSON'S POSITION lolol

[sapphicsandscience]

20 questions for fic writers

Not going to lie - no one tagged me in this lol - but I am doing it .

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

47.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

322,829.

Crazy number for me. I know some have literal millions but I can’t believe I’ve written that much in like the last two or three years??

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Star Trek (TNG/VOY/PIC & some DS9). ER and Criminal Minds more so in the past. But ER I’ll never leave you.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Aster

- my labor of love - no pun intended.

- i WILL finish her (manifest it pls).

A Flame In Your Heart

- going to be honest writing post s3 isn’t something that interests me the most.

- however, this is a cute story and i wish i had some more ideas for it as i feel like i lack direction.

I Should Have Moved Moons For You

- ahhh.

- a fic I really should have pre-written before posting but i do have fun with it.

- i am half confident she will be finished in time but it stresses me out thinking about it and my outline lol.

- but like most of my WIPs the chapters are all outlined and i do have semi-concrete endings for them or at least know the main plot.

A Lot Of Things Can Happen In Two Months

- like the concept but i think i could have written it better ?

- feels a bit messy but also there are a lot of feelings in it.

- but happy i got it finished !! and i am proud of it overall.

Eighteen Minutes

- ngl I forgot I wrote this lol.

- the only one-shot here.

- def benefited kudos wise from being posted after the second episode aired.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! And I love to give comments regardless if I get a reply from the author. But personally, I like to reply back as the commenter has taken their time to do this. And you can have some really lovely and funny interactions in the comments haha … I just love talking about fic.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well…it would have to be either of the ones I killed Beverly in - Last contact or Too Late.

Not sure which is more angstiest?

However, as for a multichap ending that ends the most angstiest and wasn’t written to be a character-death-fic - maybe - A Lot Of Things Can Happen In Two Months. Which sucks cause it’s pretty much canon compliant LOL.

Hmm now I am tempted to write another multichap with a less than happy ending…

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics that have an ‘ending’ are WIPS that I haven’t finished yet lol.

But maybe Our Turn - it’s just Beverly and Jean-Luc enjoying everything wonderful in their lives <3

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not really - I doubt anyone cares enough lol. But I am ‘fortunate’ that some of the more ‘controversial’ ships I may write have had writers come before me and take the brunt of any crap :(( but they’ve created a lovely sandbox for the rest of us to play in <3

9. Do you write smut?

Not often but I have yeah…and *deep breaths* … I have no idea if I am even acceptable at it LOL. It’s definitely something I sometimes want to add to my fics and lately I’ve been giving in a little.

Okay, someone tell me if I am terrible and I will stop.

10. Do you write crossovers?

It’s not my go to thing but yes I have. Including the fusion ER/TNG fic that three people have probably read (but three people I love).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but that would be cool as!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! With my lovely and supportive ER fic buddies ❤️

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Not sure how best to answer this. It is very dependant on my current hyperfixation and I am one of those sapphics that very much is into the woman more than the man in terms of interest in f/m ships…

However, at the moment it’s Beverly/Jean-Luc and I can say I am definitely more invested and interested in Jean-Luc’s character than I have been with other men in f/m ships. So that’s another reason.

But I love to read/write Crusher/Janeway ❤️ and LOVE those characters. Kerry/Sandy too is special to me.

Can honestly say apart from helping me give Emily Prentiss a baby in my fics I never cared that much for any of her ships I wrote (sorry 😭).

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but probably won't?

Probably better I don’t answer this. It stresses me out cause I want them all to be done 😭

I’ll answer with a WIP I never posted which was a dystopian AU with Kerry and Sandy. Field medicine, babies (it’s me so ofc) and friends trying to survive together.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm - I think I can come up with some good ideas. I can be good at description and introspection … probably more than dialogue.

And I am very strong in the art of giving Beverly Crusher lots of babies. And also making her go through angsty stuff. But I make up for that with the babies I think.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Long intricate plots ? I would love to be better as balancing many themes and plot points in one story. I struggle with dialogue sometimes as well.

Also I am very word count preoccupied at times which is a hindrance as a writer. I sometimes really struggle to get anything out in a session then can overcompensate later by writing too much? But honestly either way I just let myself go with the flow these days otherwise I stress about it.

Yeah and I probably need to edit better.

And smut.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Is this controversial?? I don’t have any issue with it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

(redacted)

20. Favourite fic you've written?

These are both not what I would consider my best work (idk what that even is) but probably Gone (Ice)fishing or It Takes A Village.

Both were written as gifts and out of my comfort zone (for different reasons) but I am really proud of them both.

But I also love some of my Kerry/Sandy one-shots I did here on this blog. And Aster is definitely a personal accomplishment in terms of length as a writer. I love it too ❤️.

Oh, also - To Build A Home - cause it’s tragic & angsty but also BABY🥹 - it’s just my brand.

—————————————————

Okay -I’ll shut up now.

Anyone feel free to do this and tag me.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

TOY STORY 5, ZOOTOPIA 2, and FROZEN 3 Oh My!

So that's where we're at, huh?

Disney recently did an earnings call, where these surprise sequels are usually first announced. That's where, in 2014, we first heard of TOY STORY 4, CARS 3, and INCREDIBLES 2 all happening at Pixar... And in 2015, when they announced that FROZEN II was a thing happening at Walt Disney Animation Studios... Not-sequel animated features, they save for elsewhere: D23, announcements in the trades, etc.

Time for some unorganized thoughts!

TOY STORY 5...

Well, that's a real bomb drop right there...

Even though TOY STORY 4, at least to those who liked the film like I did, was arguably a firm conclusion to the story... Maybe it's a firm conclusion to Woody's story, much like how TOY STORY 3 was to the toys' lives in Andy's room... Maybe TOY STORY 5, following Buzz Lightyear and the Bonnie's room gang, will be about the end of *their* story? It feels kind of wrong to me... Especially since Don Rickles has not been with us since 2017. Mr. Potato Head's few lines in TOY STORY 4 were a pieced-together zombie performance from lines recorded for the first three movies... Either that, or they just follow Woody and Bo Peep as vagabond lost toys... Also, Estelle Harris, the voice of Mrs. Potato Head, is not with us. But, like... Honestly, how much longer can you stretch this? I would've preferred if LIGHTYEAR had done well and had gotten a small series of spacebound adventure movies. To me, that was the best way to continue this franchise without having to make another TOY STORY movie proper... But you can't have everything I suppose, haha. I'm surprised this is their next big sequel announcement, and not something like... Say... LUCA 2 or whatever. (Hey, it is a possibility.) Heck, at this point, A BUG'S LIFE 2 wouldn't be too farfetched. Pixar made sequels to movies where some of the cast had passed away (CARS with Paul Newman and George Carlin, TOY STORY 3 happened after Jim Varney's passing), so... they could possibly make that movie if they wanted to.

These announcements are usually vague anyways, so who knows... Maybe it's just 90 minutes of Ducky & Bunny. That would be funny. Key and Peele spearheading a wacky TOY STORY spin-off where they just kabitz and goof around, I mean... What else could they possibly spin off? They won't be doing a WOODY'S ROUNDUP-style Western, for sure. LIGHTYEAR lost money and proved to be divisive. So much to think about, so much to ask... Who is even directing/writing? Lee Unkrich retired, Pete Docter is CCO of Pixar and is likely too busy to direct this (he was already working on SOUL before he was named CCO, and that's likely the last film he'll direct), Josh Cooley isn't at Pixar either. Andrew Stanton is off trying to get live-action movies off the ground, but I assume he'll at least contribute to the story/script, ditto Docter... It's all so weird.

Capitalism, ya know? If characters are beloved and your latest sequel makes over a billion at the worldwide box office, you bet 'yer behind it's getting another installment. The wheels keep turning. STAR WARS went on without George Lucas, etc. Maybe a reinvention is in order? Whose to say we can't follow *other* toys that are alive in this setting? I haven't seen LOST OLLIE yet, but it shows there are other ways to tell the "toys come to life" kind of story in a post-TOY STORY age. TOY STORY 5 doesn't have to be about Woody or Buzz or anyone we've met in the series on screen over the past 28 years. What about the humans themselves? What's Andy up to as a college student? Where did Al McWhiggin pursue after he got his comeuppance at the end of TOY STORY 2? (There was a sketch made during the making of TOY STORY 3 indicating that the toys at one point would've visited Al's Toy Barn, now known as Hal's Toy Barn. Under new management.)

TOY STORY 5 would mark the second-ever American animated movie series to reach five mainline *theatrical* movies, not counting spin-offs. (DESPICABLE ME is at five, soon to be six. SHREK is at six because of the two PUSS IN BOOTS movies.) The first ever was ICE AGE, whose fifth installment, COLLISION COURSE, came out and made enough money in 2016. I think Disney, since they shuttered Blue Sky, will just keep that franchise going as a Disney+ thing. After all, that BUCK WILD movie exists. Back to the fifth mainline movies... SHREK will be next, whenever SHREK PLEADS THE FIFTH bows...

On the Walt Disney Animation Studios front, FROZEN III was always a given. What it could be about, I don't know. Anna and Elsa, similarly, went their separate ways at the end of the sequel... Though travel is a thing, so... Again, I don't know what to add. I quite enjoyed FROZEN II and felt it was an improvement over the original, so yeah... FROZEN III, do whatever. Makes coin, helps fund original movies, it's all good and... Ahem, cool. When does it come out, anyways? Next year after WISH? FROZEN II will turn five that season. WDAS is doing one a year every Thanksgiving from here on out, so it could be one of the 2025 or 2026 releases, too. One of those "Untitled Disney" placeholders for live-action/CGI tech demo movies could go to a WDAS as well, if they want to get a sequel and an original out in a calendar year.

ZOOTOPIA 2 was a given as well, even if it has been a while since the original bowed in the late winter of 2016. I love the detailed and carefully-crafted world that Byron Howard, Rich Moore and the film crew created. ZOOTOPIA was an on-the-move 48 hours adventure, so we didn't get to see all of that big metropolis. ZOOTOPIA+, the Disney+ midquel series, showed us a little bit more, which was nice... But now a whole other movie? NOICE! I wonder if it'll work in elements from scrapped earlier versions of the movie... When it was known as SAVAGE SEAS/SAVAGE CITY, and was more of a James Bond-inspired movie. I think that's the logical next step, honestly, for Nick and Judy. From cops to spies. Especially in a day and age of us being more informed and aware of what the real-life police have done. That 1st movie is in some hot water now. Without getting too political, I'll leave this at "I'm curious to see what they'll do"...

That could also be a 2025/2026 release... Some 9-10 years after the first movie came out. Who directs? Does Byron Howard return, now that ENCANTO is done and out of the way? Co-director Jared Bush confirmed on twitter that he's still involved. Was it given to someone else?

For anyone not in the know on how animation works, the question would be "why'd they wait 10 years to make ZOOTOPIA 2?"... Animation takes a long time, originals and these sequels have to co-exist, but time is time... and maybe WDAS should consider upping that recently-opened Vancouver studio (who are currently at work on the MOANA Disney+ series) to feature-making status? Much like how the Orlando unit in the '90s and early '00s started doing whole features with MULAN and went on to make LILO & STITCH and BROTHER BEAR before their unfortunate shutdown? Again, Disney locked a bunch of placeholder dates for different movies... Whose to say WDAS can't up the load and release two movies in, say, 2025 or 2026? Why not two in the year Pixar does only one new movie?

So yes, this is all so very, very wild... In addition to the company marking WDAS and Pixar releases dates from 2024-2026 weeks ago, we now know that... TOY STORY 5, FROZEN III, and ZOOTOPIA 2 are all happening. I have *several* questions about TOY STORY 5, I look forward to seeing what Anna and Elsa are up to next time around, and I'm totally game for ZOO2PIA...

[elstreem]

I am in hysterics seeing Tsuna show up in my first 10x roll to get Taira (who I did get! Somehow!!! Took me 300-ish SQ though, I was hitting the limits of the SQ I saved up but I got them on the last pull!!!)

Anyway. To explain why I feel so unhinged about getting Tsuna…

I already mentioned a couple of times on this blog and it's pretty obvious that my main Saber is already Bedi, who I will try to max out as much as possible. Currently he's 10/10/10 skills, NP 5, 2k Fou'd, 3 Command Cards fully upgraded, and lv.102 - and he's a monster, he can already throw down Lancers and Berserkers easy. If I can get the coins to get his append skills and push his level up further that would be great, but as it is he hits like a truck, the road, and all the construction machines on it.

But uh...did I mention I somehow acquired three 5 star Sabers and I have a crap ton of 4 star Sabers??

Because I do and that's why I'm laughing (in despair) at getting another dang Saber.

3! Three!!! Five star Sabers!!!!

Ok so I did pick Mordred deliberately for the last 5 star ticket they gave out so that one is on me, but I got Artoria and Saber Astolfo when I wasn't aiming for them :') Artoria is a funny story too since it was a Saber banner and I was just trying to get extra Bedis to NP 5 him but somehow got her and Lancelot (...and no, I didn't get Bedi in that 10x pull. Pain.)

I really love Mordred, both as a character and as a unit, so she got some skill upgrades. The Cigarette Lion skill is especially fun to use because haha beeg Buster damage!

But as for her old man, I'm not a big fan of Artoria (I don't dislike her, I just don't really feel strongly about her as a character). So Artoria is just....there lol.

And I do so want to get more use out of Saber Astolfo, but I just don't put him in my teams a lot more.

But as for the 4 star Sabers...oh boy. I got a problem, and a huge one at that.

Hhhheeeeeeelllllpppppp - -

How the hell did I end up with ten 4- star Sabers. It boggles the mind. Well Santa Karna and Summer Hokusai are from events...and that still leaves eight of them I somehow picked up.

Only two of them get frequent use - Lan Ling since his support skills are great and his NP is extremely useful with stalling NPs, and Rama because he's actually my first main Saber and he hits hard with his crits when properly set up. For the rest of them...

Pretty much everyone else has 1/1/1 in skills because I'm saving resources for my favorites, I just recently got out of Saber gem hell upgrading Mordred. Special mention goes to Saber Diarmuid for me not planning at all to use him, he ended up being at lv.1 for the longest time (I'm sorry man, I'm just not interested in you).

And now Tsuna is here to join the underused Sabers club. And it's even funnier because Rama already has my anti-Demon niche covered and he's at NP 4 too.

......okay, but even though I am absolutely wondering what in the world will I be doing with all these Sabers, I will still try to get Summer Gareth because she's a cinnamon roll. But aside from that...the only Saber I need is Bedivere, so I hope no more of them comes in. It would be nice if I can give them away so they're not just collecting dust on my account...

Oh, and just to be clear, I am 100% not paying anything on this game, my strategy is to save up SQ and then splurge on banners where my favorites are, which nets me around 2-5 gold Servants, so they ended up piling up in time.

[jillianallen14]

Spirk fanfic rec

Some amazing Spirk fanfic to bless your dash because I’m falling in love with this shit all over again (this is like the 10th time this has happened lol):

Entering Orbit:  Jim escapes to Iowa to avoid the media frenzy following the Narada incident, but a late-night miscommunication results in Spock turning up on his front porch; rated m; 30,957 words

Papers in the Roadside:  Non-Starfleet AU. Jim owns a small bar in Chicago, keeps on picking up strays and taking care of everyone no matter how hard it makes his own life. Spock is a journalist writing feature articles for the Chicago Tribune; he depicts the world with uncanny skill, but hides more than one personal drama and is possibly under surveillance from the Vulcan royal family. They meet by accident just before their lives start to spin out of control; rated e; 49,637 words

Take Refuge in What You Know:  AU - Kirk has moved into a apartment/house and wants to get to know his neighbors. He meets his neighbor Spock, a loner who suffers from extreme agoraphobia. Kirk thinks he's beautiful enigma; rated e; 120,334 words

Listen, this is not only my favorite Star Trek fic of all time, it’s also one of my favorite fanfics in general. It’s right up there with Text Talk and The Shoebox Project from the HP fandom, which if you’ve read, you know are incredible and frankly life-changing. And this fanfic changed my life. The description the author gives doesn’t do the beauty of this fic justice. I suffer from agoraphobia and Spock’s depiction as an agoraphobic man was probably the most well-researched, sympathetic, empathetic, caring, realistic portrayal of what it’s like to be agoraphobic that I’ve ever witnessed in fiction. It made me cry like a child because I had never felt so seen and understood. This writer is incredible, and this fic is incredible. I can’t recommend it enough. It’s an AU, which I’m usually pretty wary about, but it barely even feels like an AU. It just feels like Jim and Spock. The author’s understanding of both of their characters’ is perfect, like just a spot-on portrayal of who they are. This fic genuinely helped me accept who I am and helped me understand that I am capable of & deserving of love. If you don’t read any other Star Trek fics (and you def should read more Star Trek fics because they’re amazing), then let this one be the one you read. I dare you not to read it three times in a row like I did.

Observations:  First Officer Spock comments on life aboard the Enterprise and his service under Captain James T. Kirk; rated m; 500,000+ words.

So the author of this fic actually did a thing where they made this fic into two books (similar to what The Shoebox Project authors did many years ago in the HP fandom). They don’t get any money from people buying the books; the cost is just to go towards producing the books. This fic is the equivalent of two LARGE novels. We’re talking 600 pages & up. It’s a huge fic. Now, that being said, I read it in one day. ONE DAY. It’s that good. This is another one of my all-time favorite fics, though not quite as dear to my heart as the one I listed above. It’s focused on AOS, and tbh, I forget that what happens in this book isn’t actually canon. Like it’s so well-told, it just feels like it’s now part of the timeless story of Kirk & Spock. The “professional” Star Trek writers would never be brave enough to do what this author does with Kirk and Spock, though. This fic will make you angry, will make you laugh, will make you cry. It has such a good grasp on every single character. It also shows the love between the crew of the Enterprise, which is always a treat, and it’s beautifully done in this fic. It has a sorta-enemies-to-lovers arc between Spirk and an enemies-to-close-friends arc between Spock and McCoy that is beautifully done and fleshed out. This fic is definitely a journey to go through, and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s extremely slow burn, and you will want to slap both Kirk and Spock (and McCoy) upside the head at certain points lol. 

Of Coffee Beans and Green Tea Leaves:  The progression of a relationship, through Coffee Beans and Green Tea Leaves. Basically, it’s an AU where Kirk works at a coffee shop to pay his way through school, and Spock visits often. rated t; 16,429 words

Love, love, love, this fic. It’s cute, it’s in character. They have kind of a rocky start together, so it’s got a little bit of that Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy i-hated-you-but-now-i-love-you-marry-me vibes to it. I’m a sucker for that, if you haven’t figured that out by now lol. It’s really good, and a really enjoyable read. And it’s not too long, if you’re in the mood for something on the shorter end of things.

 Please Don’t Touch the Vulcans:  The "yes" is out of Jim's mouth before he can think about it. Jim is chipper about having time off for the holidays. He asks everyone if they want to spend time together but sadly, everyone ditches Jim over the holidays because they have plans. McCoy visits his daughter, Nyota visits her family, and everyone splits. Not knowing Spock has feelings for him, Jim doesn't even bother asking if he wants to spend time together figuring he has something to do. Something cute, romantic with the boys spending time with one another and confessions; rated m; 17,690 words

Super cute and has lots of Sarek, which idk about y’all, but I’m always a fan of. Sarek and Jim kind of get to know each other a bit, and it’s cute. Sarek knows about they’re in love before Spock & Kirk know lol. If I remember correctly, there’s also some appearances from everyone’s favorite: Old!Spock! You also get a little bit of jealous and protective Young!Spock. So you’re in for a real treat with this one. 

The Ren shat’var Trilogy:  A split-second decision changes Jim's life forever, as he enters into a bond with Spock in the face of certain torture. Enemies to the Federation emerge from unlikely places, and the command team must contend with unexpected threats, as well as challenges within their own intense relationship. In this three-part series, the Enterprise races across the galaxy to confront the unknown, and Jim and Spock discover the true significance of their unprecedented connection; rated e; 184,411 words

Textual Attraction:  Valentine’s Day does not bring up pleasant memories for Cadet Kirk. But the serendipitous switch-up of his cell phone with a particular Vulcan professor’s will make his day far more interesting –and romantic. Perhaps some new memories can be made! 15,900 words

SO GOOD. Just SO good

Spaceman:  Academy AU. Five times Spock realizes he's attracted to a barista at the academy spaceport, and one time he decides to do something about it. rated t; 3728 words

Short, sweet, funny. You’ll love it.

Subtext: Texting your Vulcan first officer in the middle of the night is never a good idea. Especially when you have an obsessive crush on said Vulcan.The holidays are approaching and Jim is left entirely Spockless aboard the Enterprise when his First takes shore leave on New Vulcan. After some midnight pining, Jim sends a text he instantly regrets. That is, until Spock responds and willingly continues their textual communications to an inevitable conclusion; rated t; 13,032 words

Cute, sweet, funny. It’s a texting fic. I think you’ve probably figured out I love those. This one makes me laugh so fucking hard. Like actually laugh-out-loud-omg-did-i-just-snort kind of funny. Spock is great in this one

All Spock Wants For Christmas:  While Jim is away on a delegation mission, he panics about what to give Spock for Christmas. With help from Bones and Uhura, and in between some spam texting with Spock, Jim realizes he already has the perfect gift. And all it needs is wrapping paper and a bow; rated t; 11,966 words

And here we have another cute, sweet, funny texting fic. Sue me lol

The Morning After:  Jim convinces Spock to take shore leave with him on Risa, hoping the time together will help re-solidify their bond of friendship after some recent tension. Meanwhile, Spock convinces himself he's on Risa for one reason and one reason only, to prevent his wayward captain from getting into trouble. After a passionately illogical night of Romulan Ale and chocolate infused liquor, everything changes when Jim wakes with something other than a hangover filling his head. Something he's sure neither he nor Spock can handle. Because if Jim knows anything for sure, it's that his messed up thoughts belong nowhere near Spock's clean, ordered mind; rated m; 50,381 words

HAHA. This fic fucking cracks me up. You’ve got drunk boys pining over each other & not realizing it. You’ve got accidental marriage. You’ve got bed sharing. It’s great, it’s cute, it’s funny. 

Take This Sinking Boat (And Point It Home):  In which Spock pines, Jim isn’t stupid (except he kind of is), and Christopher Pike has had enough of this bullshit; 6698 words

Pike is great in this one, and it’s super, super funny.

Extracurricular Activities:   Spock returns to the Academy from a tour of duty to find an intriguing cadet captures his attention; rated e; 15,433 words

Veritas: Basically, Kirk and Spock are on trial because the Federation thinks they are emotionally compromised by each other, which is putting the lives of their crew in danger. They have to convince a court they’re not actually in love with each other. They think the claims are bullshit. They think it will be easy to prove that they aren’t in love or emotionally compromised, damn it. It isn’t; rated m; 186,80 words

This one is so, so good. A real gem off of Fanfic.net. I remember it was actually one of the first Spirk fanfics I ever read, and it blew me away. The progression of their relationship is really well-done and interesting. It has star-crossed lovers vibes and has some really emotionally intense moments in it, especially for Spock. 

A Habitual Affection:  Living in 1930s New York with the Vulcan you're secretly in love with is no simple thing. But Jim never liked anything simple. And then, the big snowstorm hit...; rated t; 7998 words

A beautiful TOS fic about one of the gayest episodes of Star Trek. Love this one. 

Atlas:  Between what was and what will be stands James Tiberius Kirk, in all his fractured patchwork glory. Because saving the Federation was only the beginning; rated t; 135,529 words

A beaut. Really great characterization, and the progression of Jim and Spock’s relationship is really well-done.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

love letter, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: Jeon Jungkook gets love letters shoved in his mailbox and under his apartment door all the damn time. You, too, get love letters shoved in your mailbox and under your door. All the time. It could be a sweet gesture, but this is the twenty-first century. Love letters aren't all they're cracked up to be. 

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; short graphic descriptions of sex acts; smut (fem reader, a very intense make-out session including some wild tongue and too much saliva, nipple play, a bit of m-receiving oral, cowgirl, handjob); non-idol!BTS – technically university, blond, softsub!Jungkook x working, softdom!reader; slightly desperate and needy JK

yes, yes, it’s MTV Unplugged ‘Telepathy’JK

--

"I'm so tired of people thinking they have a chance with me."

Was the exasperated declaration as you backed up into your apartment, only to turn around and witness Jeon Jungkook dumping a waterfall of colorful envelopes from his giant black backpack onto your hardwood floor. 

"At least remove your shoes before you start flaunting how hot you are," you replied dryly.

Jungkook rolled his eyes as he kicked off his large white sneakers. "Look at this shit! It's relentless! It's annoying! I just want to live my life!"

You vaguely recalled Jungkook being excited about his first love letter upon reaching university, and then the second, the third... and now you were staring at pile number five hundred on your doormat. "I don't know, put a sign on your door? 'Please stop, the answer is no?'"

Jungkook winced. "I can't do that. How many hearts am I going to break?"

"Uh, I dunno, you already broke half the campus by existing in general."

He bonked you on the head lightly with his denim jacket sleeve. "I have not. I've only slept with a couple people and that was supposed to be no strings attached."

You shrugged. "People can't understand that. Especially women."

He puffed his cheeks and stepped over the pile. You noticed the small stickers and nice handwriting on the colorful pastel paper. You almost felt bad, seeing all the effort put into them.

"At least they're cute. I only get torn notebook pages with scribbles."

"Stop lying. You get girls' letters too," Jungkook grumbled. "Can I borrow your computer? One of my professors assigned an online quiz and the internet at my place is down, again."

"You gotta move," you commented, kneeling down to collect the mess Jungkook made. You noticed Jungkook flit his eyes about before throwing up his hands and bending down to help you. 

"I'm trying to get out of the lease, but I have a couple more months left," he complained childishly.

"What about your other friends? Can't you go bother them?"

Jungkook frowned, sticking out his lower lip. The tiny mole underneath winked at you. "You hate me now or something?"

You laughed, standing up with a stacked pile of confessions to Jeon Jungkook. "No, I'm just curious as to why you always come here."

He shoved the rest in your arms, his pile slightly messier than yours. "You live the closest and you're usually home. Plus, you have two computers."

"A laptop and a desktop," you corrected. "Don't you have a laptop?"

"It's easier to borrow yours."

"Lazy."

Jungkook ignored your remark and ticked his silvery-blond head further into the apartment. "Can I borrow it or not?"

You laughed. "Of course. Laptop's on the bed."

He turned and followed the hallway to your bedroom. "Same password?" he yelled, not looking back.

"Obviously."

"Why is it my birth date?" he shouted.

"Because, one, no one will guess it, and, two, you're a dumbass and always forget it."

"I do not!"

"How many times did you ask when the password was Klingon?"

"I don't know your nerdy shit!"

"Do your fucking assignment," you belted down the hall. 

Jungkook stuck his head out of your bedroom door and scrunched his nose to make a hideous face at you, holding your gunmetal-colored laptop. You rolled your eyes as he disappeared again. This crackhead. You let out a sigh, walking past the acrylic painting of a blue sky with pink-purple clouds hanging in your living room, flicking through at all the letters addressed to Jungkook.

Surprisingly, you knew what he felt like. With you, it started with inviting one guy over to your place, sucking his dick, and then suddenly a letter appeared. Well, letter was putting it nicely. Dirty napkin with words scrawled with smeared ballpoint pen shoved under your door, explicitly asking for more. Then another, wanting it. Then another, begging for it. You ignored them. At some point, you invited a girl over, ate her out, and then the colorful envelopes started appearing, with cute stickers and neat handwriting.

Mmmhmm.

Why did Jungkook bring them here anyway? To brag? For you to peruse? You spread them out them on your coffee table and tore one open. Read it. Simple confession of love, no name. You were kind of jealous. Jungkook always got nicer ones than you did. Something about being a sexually uninhibited woman seemed to translate to others that you were down to fuck anyone, anytime, anything. You tossed the letter aside, ripped open a folded card closed with lilac tape. Another, 'I love you, please go out with me', no name. Toss. And you opened another one, reading out loud. 

"I want to cram all one hundred and seventy-nine centimeters of you into me?”

Uh.

Huh.

Still no name.

Cute peach stationery though. 

Was it a euphemism? Symbolic? Thinly veiled code? Hm. In any case, this was more along the lines of shamelessness you encountered yourself. 

By all conventions, Jeon Jungkook was attractive as fuck. Pretty pink lips, big brown eyes, manly sharp jawline. He kept his hair on the longer side, around ear length, now silvery-blond compared to the usual black. You heard he dyed it a couple times, but now it had since faded to the original blond.

Oh, yeah, also he had nice hands and a body to die for. 

You could see why Jungkook got all these love letters. You? Well, similar reasons, except less muscles. Also, yours weren't really love letters. More like vulgar remarks on the backs of grubby receipts. 

Probably just as heartfelt.

The only reason you knew of Jungkook was because you were friends with one of his close friends. Alright, maybe you sucked his friend's dick. More than once. But anyway, not the point. The point was that the topic of love letters came up one night when everyone was hanging out and you voiced your predicament. It was the summer before Jungkook entered university. He had burst out laughing, thinking it was a hilarious situation.

"Haha, that would never happen to me!"

Jokes on you, Jungkook, karma's a bitch. 

You thought about moving, but the location was close to your work and the internet service was great here. At least you always recycled the paper. What were you supposed to do? Keep an album of Starbucks napkins of people asking if your tongue was good or not?

You opened another envelope addressed to 'sweet, adorable Jungkookie'.

Their words, not yours. 

"Shove your dick down my throat and make me gag? Smiley face?"

Well, that's a contrast. 

Jungkook didn't start contacting you on his own until the letters started coming and then they didn’t stop coming, flooding his mailbox and underneath his door, overwhelming and confusing him. He didn't think he would get much attention, although perhaps it might be your fault, since you seemed to have set the precedence for this type of thing at this particular university. There was at least one person in every year that got this treatment, and it all started with one dirty napkin with smeared ink. Rumor caught on and then bam! It became a thing. 

So, yeah. 

Maybe kind of your fault.

You shouldn't have told so many people about that napkin. 

You fished out a pizza receipt from the pile, inspecting it. You couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. Then you noticed it had Jungkook's phone number and an order of three pizzas. Not a confession, just trash from Jungkook's backpack. Did he really eat three pizzas? Hopefully not by himself and in one sitting. You noticed the timestamp. Mmm, three in the morning. Okay. Maybe he did eat three pizzas by himself in one sitting. 

You filed through the rest, removing trash from the recyclable paper. Paused when you found a scrap of paper that said, "Put your dick in my ass." You recognized this curvy, narrow handwriting, slightly heavy-handed. Same person wrote you the same note this week. 

This was why you didn't take the messages too seriously.

You saw a particularly thick purple envelope and picked it up, tearing it open. It was several pages, with tiny, crammed handwriting on paper with cute bunnies on it. Several pages detailing straight up porn with Jungkook as the leading role. 

You almost burst out laughing. 

Who the fuck would write this?

And send it to him?

Not you, that's for fucking sure. 

Still, it wasn't the worst thing you've ever read. Had some spelling mistakes and poor grammar. Instant turn-off. Needed a good proofread. You settled onto your brown leather couch, highly entertained as you read it. Then you actually burst out laughing, because said person wanted Jungkook to lift them and fuck them at the same time and that kinda shit just wasn't possible. You would know, because you’ve tried. It sounded good, but in practice, the dick ended up falling out pretty quickly if the pussy was any sort of wet.

If you weren’t wet, then, eh, not sure why you're fucking. 

"What is so fucking funny?" Jungkook grumbled, poking his head around the corner, still holding your laptop. 

You held up the sheets of bunny-printed paper, still laughing. "Someone sent you their written erotica and you're the star!"

Jungkook grimaced. "Oh yeah, that person. They write something new every week. It's weird." He frowned. "I try to take it out so you don't have to read that shit. I must have missed it."

"It's hilarious," you chuckled. "You should publish them into a book."

"You know I can't do that," Jungkook sighed, putting your laptop on the coffee table and snatching the pages from you. "I throw them away like everything else."

"Did you finish your assignment?" you chortled, leaning over to look at the laptop screen. Submission successful. "80%?! When you could easily cheat?"

"I read a question wrong," Jungkook whined, balling up the paper and throwing it down. "Ack."

You looked up at him and he was looking upset at the pile on the table. 

"What's wrong?"

"What if one of them is real?" 

"Huh?"

"I mean... I just throw them away now. But what if one of them is real?" Jungkook wondered out loud. 

You shrugged. "Does it matter? They'll tell you in person if it's that important."

Jungkook tilted his head at you doubtfully. "Will they?"

You sat back into your couch, with your legs wide open. You were wearing sleek black leggings and a cropped pink sweatshirt. Not the most ladylike pose, but you didn't really care. You gestured to the stack of letters on your wooden coffee table. 

"They should. If they actually like you and it's not a joke, then they should tell you in person and accept that they might be rejected."

Jungkook frowned and slumped down next to you. His light-wash denim jacket made a loud floof as his ass hit the brown leather cushions. The wash of his jeans matched his jacket. He wore a white graphic t-shirt under. It looked vintage, but it probably wasn’t. 

"What if they're nervous?" he questioned, twisting his pink lips around.

"So what? Everyone's nervous. We all live in a perpetual state of terror."

Jungkook rolled his eyes. 

You leaned forward and plucked a sky-blue memo note from the table, reading it out loud. "I love you. Marry me." You held it out to him. "See? You get nice ones. I get, ‘choke me like you hate me’ and 'shove your tongue into my asshole, please'. Rarely do I get is that please at the end," you finished with a dry laugh. You looked up to see Jungkook staring back at you. Your laugh died a little seeing his serious expression. 

"Yes."

You blinked at him. "What?"

Jungkook ticked his chin to the note, then shifted his eyes to you.

You pointed to the memo sheet and raised an eyebrow. "I didn't write this."

"I did."

He was so serious that you couldn't laugh. You just blinked at him rapidly and turned your head to look at the sky-blue memo sheet, finally recognizing the clean, block-like handwriting and spotting the bottom right corner. English letters. A J and a K fused together, the way Jungkook usually signed his paintings.

You dropped the note like it was on fire.

Jerked your head up, not to him, but to the painting across from you in the living room, the one with the blue sky and pink-purple clouds, with a tiny JK signature in black at the bottom right corner. The painting you asked Jungkook to make you a while back. 

"You paint, right? I want something calm for my living room. I bought a canvas, so about this size. It's that cool?"

Jungkook had squinted his eyes, nodding. "Yeah, I could draw a pretty big dick on it."

"This is for my living room, dumbass. And I said I wanted something calm."

"A flaccid dick then."

You turned your head back to Jungkook of now, who was wringing his hands on his thighs, wiping off his palms. He noticed you watching him and puffed one cheek before letting out a big sigh. 

"I was... gonna leave it on your laptop," Jungkook mumbled, flapping a hand to the sky-blue note. "But I couldn't find it in my backpack, and then I realized one of the pockets was open, the one where I keep receipts... anyway I had put the note there, so I came out to see if it was in the pile... yup, there it is."

He sucked in his cheek and fell back against the leather sofa.

"Was a joke."

Jungkook's voice sounded hollow. Empty. 

"... Ah." You tucked the tip of your tongue in your cheek.

"Not the greatest joke," he added flatly.

“No, it’s not,” you agreed. "Jokes that are insincere are bad jokes."

The black words glared back up at you, contrasting the pale azure paper. You picked up the memo sheet again. Turned to face him, holding it up next to Jungkook's head of silvery-blond hair. He pursed his lips and looked away from you, jaw clenched in nervousness. 

"Just say it."

He puffed one cheek again. "It was a joke."

"Then why are you saying it in past tense?"

His brown orbs shifted from side to side before Jungkook tried to bolt out of his seat, only for you to slam a hand down on his shoulder and throw a leg over him, straddling his lap before pinning the note to his chest. He yelped sharply and looked up at you with huge, shaking irises. 

In all your time knowing him, you never tried to sleep with Jungkook.

Never. 

You jabbed the note into his white shirt and he gave you a terrified squeak in response. 

You scrutinized his face, jaw slack, eyes wide, blond curls framing his chiseled cheekbones. One of your eyebrows raised, your voice calm and unfazed.

"Say it."

"You say it," Jungkook finally shot back, furrowing his brows, biting on his lip and mustering up the most indignant look he could produce at this very second. You didn’t react. He seemed to have forgotten you did, in fact, say it, although perhaps that wasn’t exactly what he meant.

You never tried to fuck Jungkook because he didn’t treat you as anything more than his primary source of internet when his own was down. Ah, and also his outlet for complaining about his love letter problem. And then there was that other little wrinkle, the unwritten societal rule one of sucking a guy's dick you're still friends with - don't suck his friends' dicks. Surefire way to fuck up a friendship, especially if the dude’s ego was fragile.

Jungkook’s friend was dating someone else now though. His ego couldn’t be that fragile.

You leaned forward and Jungkook's annoyed gaze faltered. He gulped and tried to shrink into your brown leather couch, as if he could somehow disappear under you.

"I love you," you stated clearly and firmly. You glanced at the slightly crumpled piece of blue paper before your eyes flickered back to his face. "Marry me."

Hah, the thing about rules with you was...

Fuck 'em.

Not actually. 

Eh, not the point.

"Really?" Jungkook squeaked, voice cracking slightly.

Ah, right, the other reason you never tried to sex up Jungkook because he was a little bit of an idiot around you. But maybe this sky-blue note detailed the reason for it. 

"Say it," you repeated crossly, poking him in the pecs. "Stop avoiding it."

You observed Jungkook swallow hard again, Adam’s apple bobbing. You furrowed your brows, tipping your head down so that your forehead was hovering over his, eyebrow cocked, gazing into trembling brown orbs. Why was he taking so long? He wrote the damn words. Were they really just a joke? Hmph, why were you even trying then?

That’s how everyone was.

Not putting any stock or thought into their fucking words.

You lifted your finger but Jungkook’s right hand, the one with tiny tattoos, suddenly darted in your view, grabbing your hand back and jamming your finger onto his chest again. His heartbeat raced under your fingertip, thud-thud-thud, rapid bass accenting the moment. Electrifying it.

“Don’t.”

Whisper so faint you frowned and closed even more distance between you two, picking up the scent of vanilla fabric softener and lush cotton. A little different than you, who used a blackberry and spiced vanilla perfume.

“I like this,” Jungkook breathed under you, chewing his lip anxiously. You could feel his warm breath tickling your lips and chin with how close you were. You could count his individual eyebrow hairs, even though the eyebrow product he used.

“I… really like this.”

He let go of your hand.

Now you raised both eyebrows.

You slowly uncurled your middle finger, landing it on his chest next to the index. You felt him shiver a little, lips parting. Straightened your ring finger, planting it down. His lashes lowered a little, brown orbs on your face, watching your reaction to him. You could count the moles on his face. The one on his nose. The one on his cheek. The one under his lower lip. The one on his neck. Your pinky slid onto his chest. A wispy moan left his lips, eyelids fluttering, blond strands floating around his head with the little rise and fall of his heavy, tense exhale.

Why is it your birth date?

Take a wild guess, dumbass.

Your fingers abruptly dug into his white t-shirt, crumpling the note and scrunching the graphic up in your fist. He inhaled sharply, head tipping back and lips nearing yours, a whine escaping his throat. You quirked an eyebrow, drawing back slightly, taking in the rich depth of his tan skin, the sensual line of his neck, up to his angular chin and his dangling silver earrings. All of it. His hands immediately came up to grab your wrist and forearm, ensuring you and himself that you wouldn’t let go, the tendons in your flexed wrist right against his large palm.

“Say it, Jungkook,” you demanded. “Say those words with your pretty pink tongue hanging out your mouth for me.”

You watched him obey immediately, tongue sliding out and touching his lower lip, brown eyes framed by his long lashes and hazy with lust.

“I love you,” Jungkook breathed, a little gargled with his tongue out. “Fucking marry me, please.”

Ah, you couldn't help it. 

You smirked.

"What about all your admirers?" you murmured, twisting your fingers in his shirt, digging your nails into his chest. "You'll break all those poor hearts you’re worried about."

Those dark brown eyes told you they didn't give a single fuck. 

"What about you?" he countered, closing his mouth a little to speak more clearly.

"Me?"

The definition of trouble?

Well, if you looked that up in a dictionary, there would definitely be a picture of you. 

Jungkook’s lips parted once more, keen to submit to your wickedness, pink tongue slipping out again, shiny and glistening with saliva. Breathing shallowly, rubbing your wrist with his thumb, encouraging you to keep going. 

Your lips curved into a treacherous smile.

"I'll break all the hearts to get to yours, Jungkook."

And then you licked his tongue. 

A low moan bubbled from Jungkook's chest, his eyes rolling back and his hips bucking up, desperate for friction as the tip of your wet muscle glided over his warm softness, your spit dripping down his throat, listening to his moans turn into messy garbles of your name, begging you, pleading you, more, more, kiss me, please, and you hooked your tongue around his, gently nudging his jaw with your other hand. Knuckle to chin, tilting your head as your lips closed onto Jungkook's. 

It was not a neat kiss.

There was spit running down his chin, dripping onto his neck and your skin, your lips roughly working his, tongues intertwined and making even more of a mess, you sucking forcefully to earn pained, delicious whines. Jungkook was far too turned on to attempt to glamorize it, cries a jumbled mess under your greedy mouth, but none of that mattered. The moment was sensual and dark, bodies speaking to each other through dopamine and adrenaline. Your hand released his shirt, breaking his grip, switching to burrowing your fingers into his soft blond hair and running your nails over his scalp, leaving lines of prickling pain to enhance your kiss. 

"F-Fuck, oh fuck, yes..."

Your teeth caught his tongue, pulling back and forcing his head to follow. Jungkook made a pained noise, trapped in your embrace, whining as you took him to the brink. You released him swiftly and he snapped backward, blinking hard, trying to reorient himself, but it was impossible, your lips crashing down again, thrusting your tongue into his mouth aggressively, one eye open to witness his fucked-out state, pupils unfocused, long lashes quivering, moaning into your mouth and you inhaling it all, literally taking his breath away. 

It started out with a kiss. 

How did it end up like this?

It was only a kiss. 

It was only a kiss. 

You dropped your lower half onto his crotch and Jungkook gasped, breaking the kiss, strings of spit breaking between you two. You smirked wickedly as you felt his hardness trying to escape its clothing jail, his large hands already on your thighs and hips, sinking his fingers into the soft fabric of your leggings, rocking you into him, desperately trying to get some stimulation.

"Please," he croaked, panting for breath, pulling himself up to sitting position, so easy and smooth, fuck, so sexy, and now Jungkook was in your face, pleas on the tip of his tongue pouring out, tempting you, wanting it. 

"Please, wanna be yours so fucking bad, seeing all those fucking letters and notes you get, and it pisses me off, it's me, I want it to be me, I want to be yours and I'm telling you to your face." 

Whisper achingly hot, deep voice soaked with longing, staring into your eyes with those shaking brown orbs, spinning with emotion like an unstable top, barely enough torque holding it in place and all it took was another spin to encourage it or a gust of rejection to topple it over. 

"And you don't even care about mine, you think they're fucking funny, fuck, I can't stand it, let it be me, please..."

His hands running up your sides, grazing against your breasts, and now his hands were in your hair and yours were in his, bringing your face close, the crumpled sky-blue note right between your joined crotches, forgotten, witnessing the agonizing lust wound tightly in this embrace. 

"Let it be me," Jungkook begged.

You licked your lips slowly, scarcely swiping against his. He shuddered, leaning into it, taking whatever crumbs you gave. His long fingers tensed in your hair, yours buried in the dark roots of his. 

"You'll have to skip the marriage bit for now," you teased lightly. "I don't think my parents will appreciate you slapping down papers before you finish school."

Jungkook snickered, tucking his tongue in his cheek roguishly. "Can't they understand I have to snatch this ass as soon as possible to make people back off?"

Your hands slipped down to his jaw, fitting it in your palms, his silvery-blond stands wrapped around your fingertips. "They'll back off my door once they hear you screaming my name." 

You leaned in, but Jungkook stopped you, brown orbs glittering with mischief to get in one more quip. 

"I doubt it," he purred. 

Yeah. 

Jungkook was right. 

Ah, well. 

You seized his face and kissed him again, fuck, such malleable lips just pleading to be bitten by you, gazing up his nose and to his beautiful eyes, his soft skin in your hands, clenching his jaw under your power, letting you have it, letting you control it and him. You felt him scramble and throw his denim jacket off, dumping it onto your couch to cup your cheeks with his hands, sighing in satisfaction as you inhaled him. Your tongue lazily traced the outskirts of his lips, hearing the rattle of his beaded bracelets by your ears, amused, knowing they were his good luck charms. 

"They bring good luck," he had answered when you saw them for the first time.

You remembered tilting your head at the wooden beads on his slim wrists. "You trying to get your dick sucked or something?"

He had broken out in a loud guffaw. Nudged you with his elbow, cheeky smile on his lips. 

"Never gonna say no to getting my dick sucked."

"Mhm, cool, where's my painting of the flaccid dick?"

From then on, you noticed he wore the same wooden, beaded bracelets every time he came to your apartment.

Hmm. 

Now, your hands falling from his face, yanking his shirt from his pants, annoyed it was getting caught, and then Jungkook fitted his hands around your ass and lifted you easily, breaking the kiss, a moment for you to bear witness to his arms flexing – holy fuck, that’s sexy – right one covered in tattoos. Images and script, with one catching your eye, a string of words running up the inside of his upper arm. One you recognized because you had those words written on your bedroom wall, on a canvas hanging above your bed. A canvas you made, background a chaotic mess of varying dark red brushstrokes, the black script in the center, written by your hand. 

The exact black script with your flourishes and ticks, now tattooed on the inside of his right arm. 

Your eyes drifted to Jungkook's face and his naughty smirk, pleased to be found out. Your lips formed the sentence slowly, in awe of his audacity.

"The devil knows my name."

the devil knows my name. 

Hung above your bed, where all manner of marvelous sinful acts were performed. 

Jungkook grinned deviously. "I saw it. I wanted it on me."

Wanted it on him. 

Oh, fuck. 

Did he know? Could he guess?

"Who's the devil?" you whispered, smile widening, matching his. 

Jungkook reached down, yanking his t-shirt out of his jeans and pulling it up and over his head, revealing the body he sculpted himself, tan skin taut over hard muscle, toned and...

"You're the devil, of course," he snickered. 

Yours. 

"Ding dong daeng," you sing-songed.

How many people have been on your bed, head pulled back by your hand, blinking hard, trying to read the words on your wall through waves of forced ecstasy? Gasping them out, ending with a question, inquiring for an answer.

The devil knows my name?

And you, leaning forward, haunting whisper in their ears, yes, she does, before pushing their face down into the sheets.

"All those love letters not good enough for you, Jungkook?" you breathed, running your hands over his bare chest, spreading your fingers, letting your exhale out through your teeth. His eyes on you, torso trembling, hairs raising, feeling your nails dance up, up, raking over his collarbones and neck, leaving little pink lines of intensity.

"They're not you," he whispered. His hands brushing over yours, outlining your fingers, eyes darkening as you pushed him back into your sofa, lowering your head. "You, the one they talk about..." Your lips on his hot skin, kissing softly, tongue so slight that it made him whimper. "You, the one they look for..." His voice, deep and rumbling, vibrating your lips, pitching as you bit and sucked, leaving small hickeys. "You, the one whose bed I sit on, wondering who else has been there, wondering why it's not me, when I make myself available to you, so easy to prey on, but you let me be..." Your lips closing around his dark brown nipple, scraping your teeth against it, making him squirm and look down at you, you and your self-satisfied, ravenous smirk. 

"I let you read them," Jungkook whimpered, blond strands curled around his cheeks, chest shuddering at your nail flicking his other nipple while your mouth worked the other. "Let you see everything they want to do to me and you still didn't know."

You chuckled darkly. "What's there to know?" you mused, sticking your tongue out and pressing it against the now hard pink-tinged nub, receiving small whines of pleasure as your reward. "It's obvious what you wanted. I was right in front of you. All you had to do was say something."

Jungkook frowned as you sat up, tongue in cheek, half-grinning.

"Look at you."

You crossed your arms and pulled your pink cropped sweatshirt up and over your head, dropping it to the floor. Casually running a hand through the top of your hair to pull it away from your face, gazing down at shirtless Jungkook covered in your red bites, cocking your head with a smirk. He raised an eyebrow, eyes roaming over your figure and the curve of your breasts molded to smooth black satin. 

"You look like you eat hearts for breakfast," he murmured, admiration in his tone.

The side of your lips quirked further upwards.

"And yet you wanna love me."

Jungkook grinned. "I don't want to. I already do."

And then he was the one to pull you to him, kissing you hungrily, you immediately turning it into your favor, your pace, his tongue commanded by yours as he unhooked your bra, moaning into your mouth, rubbing your exposed nipples with his palms, unable to do much as you pushed him into the couch again, guiding his tongue down with your teeth and running the tip of yours over his wet muscle once more, trickling saliva into his throat and onto his chin and neck, messy and lewd. 

"The devil knows your name," you sighed into his mouth, feeling him knead your breasts, thumbs brushing over your hard nipples, tendrils of pleasure making your skin tingle. "And now the devil takes what she wants."

You saw the sides of his lips curve upwards as you backed up to strip the rest of your clothes, amused at Jungkook eagerly following suit and unbuttoning his jeans.

"Can't wait to flaunt how hot you are?" you laughed, reaching down to the shelf under the side table where a ceramic R2-D2 cookie jar sat.

"Do you think I'm hot?" Jungkook haughtily accused before gawking at your waist to ass ratio, his hands slowing, pants stopped to his knees in his distraction.

You gently took off the head of R2-D2 and plucked a condom from it. Some guy told you once that you couldn't like Star Trek and Star Wars at the same time and you told him to shut the fuck up as you slapped his nuts. He begged you to do it again. You fondly patted R2-D2's head after you fitted it back.

You straightened to see Jungkook on your couch with his hard dick on display.

You looked him dead in the eye. "You think I'd let you borrow my laptop if I thought you were ugly?"

Jungkook broke out of his trance and shrugged, finally yanking his calves – holy shit, his calves and thighs were muscular as fuck – out of his jeans, underwear and socks gone with them.

"Maybe you pitied my grades."

"I'd just pay for you to go to the library and fuck off, dumbass," you muttered, pushing his hands aside and ripping the condom open, drinking in the delicious sight of his throbbing red cock dripping pre-cum, his balls just waiting for – fuck it, you got down on your knees and wrapped your tongue around his length, Jungkook sputtering and gasping at your suddenness. Fuck, he smelled and tasted fucking good, clean and velvety to your lips enclosing around the head and sliding down, using one hand to scoop up his balls. Made eye contact with him again.

Jungkook breathed your name hesitantly.

Your tongue slid out of your lips and you jammed his cock all the way down your throat, slathering his balls wetly with your whisking tongue, circling around one and then the other, long expansive strokes that went past the girth of his cock, your pink tongue visible to him. Jungkook's pupils blew wide with shock, moans catching in his throat, whole body shivering, trying desperately not to look away even through you could tell he wanted to throw himself into your sofa and fucking lose it.

"Oooooooh, fuck, that's amazing.... Holy shit, your tongue is everything...."

You chuckled and pulled your head back, satisfied with his reaction. He seemed slightly disappointed until you rolled down the condom, cracking your neck.

"I think I've given enough." You stood up, getting back on top of him and his glorious thighs. "Time for you to be taken."

Jungkook smirked.

You smirked wider and more wickedly.

The sky-blue memo was crumpled into a ball, fallen to your hardwood floor.

Held him with two fingers, ugh, the weight of his cock, fuck yes, and those beautiful dark chocolate eyes, Jungkook, you dumbass, cursing that he didn't tell you sooner so that you could watch him groan and throw his head back like he was right now, gasping at your tightness, your name torn from his throat as you took in every centimeter of him, every pulsing vein and contour of his wonderful cock, stupid Jungkook and his attractive self not using his damn words so you could ride him like you were right now, setting up a fast, bruising pace. Your fingers dug into the back of the couch as you bucked your hips into his violently, keeping yourself tight because you were so fucking wet, fuck, so wet for Jeon Jungkook and his idiotic self, asking for internet to do his school assignments and not asking for his dick to be used as your fucking joystick. 

Dumbass.

"Oh fuck," Jungkook gasped. "Oh, fuck, you're so wet and tight, shit, shit, shit..."

"Tell me something I haven't heard before," you chuckled, only half-meaning it, waving your entire body to deliver a particularly hard smack to his crotch, Jungkook whimpering under you, his hands flying to your upper arms and clutching them, trying to hold on to your wildness.

"Holy fuck, you have some hard biceps," he blurted out, startled at the prominent muscle.

Well, you haven't heard that one before.

"Guess that's what happens when you jack off a lot of dick," you mused nonchalantly.

You ticked your head to Jungkook's arms – delicious – and he frowned at you, opening his mouth to protest and you cut him off by shoving two fingers into his lips, pressing them down into the wet warmth, grinning maniacally as you watched him struggle with your fingers rubbing his tongue and his cock getting assaulted by you aggressively slamming your hips down and clamping around his stiffness, tighter, faster, whines of your name in his throat, head falling back onto the couch with a flump. You were careful not to push your fingers too far. 

Getting vomited on wasn't really on your sexual activities bingo card.

Jungkook was, however, drooling down his chin and neck, and you pulled back to grab his shoulder with your wet hand – oh, fuck, his shoulder, what a lovely shape – and Jungkook wheezed for breath, you ignoring it as you focused all your energy on fucking the life out of him, dirty squelches and smacks of hips on hips, staring down at his abs and v-line, all his hard work at the gym on display, his hands still on your upper arms as he raised his hips to meet yours, needily moaning for you to destroy him with your pace.

Damn, maybe you would have sent him a love letter if you had seen him naked at least once.

"A-Ask me to cum for you," Jungkook finally got out, voice hoarse from breathing so hard for so long.

"You're going to anyway," you taunted.

"Want you to ask," he whined, almost pouting. "Tell me to do it."

You gazed into his eyes, into those brown irises overtaken by black pupils, him a top spinning by your hand, your plaything commanded by your body, pussy clenching around his twitching cock, spurred on from his pleading tone, giving him a devious and wicked grin, speaking to his swollen lips, the devil knows your name, Jungkook, and him moaning back, fuck yes she does, so close, so fucking close, unashamedly barreling towards your release, power in your veins and under you, his muscles rippling as he fucked you back, amplifying every thrust.

"Jungkook."

"Y-Yes?"

"Say it."

Brown eyes locked with yours.

"I love you. Marry me."

You smirked.

"Cum for me."

A half-second and then you let go, letting the feeling rush in and envelop you, the moment held back to torture him, and now you felt it all, already at the tipping point, strained moan as your orgasm crashed into you, shudders all over and falling, sitting all the way down in his lap to experience the throbbing ache of your core giving out and spilling onto his cock and balls in rapid bursts, viscous and sweet. The scent of sex mixing with blackberry and spiced vanilla, his length jerking inside you, and only then did you hear Jungkook crying out your name over and over, the roar in your ears fading out to his shivering moans, hands sliding up and down your arms, eyes closing and lost in the pleasure of your pussy squeezing out his cum. His touch travelling down to your waist, pulling you to him.

Messy, soft kisses, your name and curses mixed together.

"It's me, right?"

You smiled into his mouth that was still asking questions.

"Please let it be me. You'll let me love you for real, right?"

Pushing your hair back, his sweaty blond locks sticking to your face.

"Because I already do, can't stop, won't stop–"

"Yeah, Jungkook, funnily enough I figured that from the first kiss already," you chuckled, running your fingers through his ash blond hair and pulling his head back lightly, seeing him pout, the mole underneath his lower lip peeking out.

"But..."

"Hm?"

His voice suddenly small, vulnerable, his semi-hard dick still inside you.

"Do you love me?"

You lifted a brow. "What kind of dumbass question is that?" You grabbed his arm and pressed your nail into his tattoo of your words, drawing a pink scratch under them, making him gasp. "How can I not love you? Fuck, that's the sexiest thing I've ever seen, my handwriting tattooed onto you. Yes, I love you, Jungkook."

Jungkook's jaw dropped.

This fool is still shocked after all this?

You reached down and held the condom down as you lifted yourself off, yanking him to his feet, pushing Jungkook to your coffee table, right in front of the pile of letters with his name all over them. You picked up your laptop and pushed it onto his chest, forcing him to hold it, him still confused, mildly stunned, not knowing what the fuck was happening.

Then you made him half-straddle your coffee table and yanked off the condom.

"Um–"

Grabbed his cock and started furiously jacking him off.

"Oh, f-fuck!"'

And then he realized what you were doing, the sheer wrongness of it, getting harder and harder with every second, throbbing in your hand.

"You're just like them," you chuckled through exerted breath.

Faster, rougher, tighter, Jungkook clutching your laptop, his larger frame leaning against yours, head thrown back so far that his blond hair was brushing your shoulder, moaning lustfully as he thrusted his hips into your grip. White pooled onto the purple-red tip of his abused cock, far too sensitive to be jacked off this hard right after orgasm, but Jungkook begged you not to stop, streams of residual cum running down your slicked fingers.

"Always looking for your fix from the addiction that's me," you whispered into his ear, laced with an authoritative growl. 

You saw Jungkook's head lower out of your periphery, eyes opening, staring at the colorful envelopes with his name printed on them, the cute stickers and neat handwriting, panting your name, tendons and veins standing out on his neck, sweat beading on his tan skin. 

A low, dangerous chuckle rising in his throat. 

"There's a difference between them and me."

You felt his cock twitch in your hand, ridiculously hard at what you two were about to do. 

"They're not going to get their fix."

Jungkook shuddered against you, jerking his hips forward, thick white strings splattering all over the pastel paper as you watched, fascinated, the scent of his cum saturating the air and the envelopes, drops soaking and smearing the carefully written ink, time wasted and defiled. 

"I am," he moaned, twisting his body on your arms, leaning down to kiss you hungrily as you squeezed his cock, draining it all out, all over your coffee table and coating your hand, stained with Jeon Jungkook's love letter to you. 

--

masterpost

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Jin Guangyao isn't cruel because he is nice sometimes! No... no... just no. He pretends to be a nice, sweet person to get what he wants, it is exactly why he got away with the killings and plannings for the Yin Hu Fu, YEARS AFTER JIN GUANGSHAN IS OUT OF THE PICTURE. He's the only legitimate Jin left old enough to take over the Sect, who the hell was gonna argue that when all relevant Jins were dead and Nie Mingjue was killed by the happy smiling pretty boy?

First example, he was actively friends with Xue Yang, there is no saying he was coerced into that one since he recommended him as a guest disciple and made creepy little jokes with him.

Jin GuangYao sighed, “I only turned around for a second and you stirred up so much trouble for me. I only had to pay for a bowl of dumplings in the beginning, and now I have to pay for his table, chairs, pots and pans, and even bowls.”

Xue Yang, “You’ll miss the couple of coins?”

Jin GuangYao, “No.”

Xue Yang, “Then why are you sighing?”

Jin GuangYao, “I don’t think you’ll miss the couple of coins either. Why can’t you try being a normal customer once in a while?”

Xue Yang, “Back in Kuizhou I never paid for anything I wanted. Just like this.” As he spoke, he casually plucked off a stick of sugared haws off a vendor’s pole. It might be the first time the vendor saw such a shameless person. As he stared open-mouthed, Xue Yang took a bite, “Besides, you can deal with the trouble of me wrecking a tiny stall, can’t you?”

Jin GuangYao smiled, “You little delinquent. Wreck stalls however you want. I wouldn’t even care if you burned down the entire street. Just one thing—don’t wear the Stars Amidst Snow robes and cover up your face. Don’t let anyone know who did it, or it’d be trouble for me.”

He tossed the money to the vendor

A.K.A: haha you're funny and I don't care who you fuck over but be sly and

Next example:

And so, Jin GuangShan sought after all those who imitated Wei WuXian in cultivating the ghostly path and gathered them under his rule. He spent a great amount of money and resources on these people, ordering them to study and analyze the structure of the Tiger Seal in secrecy so that they could replicate and restore it. Among them, not many achieved anything, while the one who walked the furthest was the youngest Xue Yang, recommended by Jin GuangYao alone.

Jin GuangYao was overjoyed. He accepted him as a guest cultivator and gave him high rights and freedom. The corpse training ground was an area of land Jin GuangYao specially requested for Xue Yang for him to research in secrecy, which meant for him to fool around however he wanted to.

He gave a whole torture playground for Xue Yang to use, he specifically asked for this from his own mouth, for Xue Yang to use and he would check in on progress. As for his morals:

Jin GuangYao’s tone was somewhat reproachful, “He Su gongzi is a respected cultivator, after all. How could you refer to him in such a disrespectful way?”

The cultivator laughed coldly, “I’ve already fallen in your hands. What are you keeping up the pretense for?”

Jin GuangYao responded with a kind expression, “You don’t have to look at me like that. I also had no choice. To elect a chief cultivator is an irresistible trend. What was the use of stirring up trouble and seeking arguments everywhere? I’ve already warned you again and again, yet you were determined not to listen to me. Under these circumstances, things are already beyond redemption. From the bottom of my heart, I, too, feel utmost pain and regret.”

He Su, “What was the irresistible trend? What was stirring up trouble? Jin GuangShan wanted to establish the position of chief cultivator only to imitate the QishanWen Sect in being the only one at the top. Do you think all the world is ignorant? You frame me like this only because I spoke the truth!”

Jin GuangYao smiled, saying nothing. He Su continued, “When you really succeed, all of the world of cultivation would see the true face of the LanlingJin Sect. Do you think killing me alone would put you eternally at ease? How wrong you are! We, the TingshanHe Sect, teem with talent. From now on, we’ll unite and never surrender to you Wen-dogs of another skin!”

Hearing this, Jin GuangYao squinted slightly, the corners of his lips curving up. It was the usual kind, gentle expression. Seeing this, He Su felt his heart skip a beat. At the same time, commotion sounded outside the corpse training ground, among it the cries of women and children.

He Su spun around, only to see a group of LanlingJin Sect cultivators drag inside sixty or seventy people all wearing the same uniform. There were men and women, old and young. Every one of them was a cross between shock and fear, while some were already crying. Both tied up, a girl and a boy kneeled on the ground as they wailed at He Su, “Ge!”

He Su was shocked speechless, his face instantly as white as paper, “Jin GuangYao! What are you doing?! It’s enough if you kill me—why drag my entire sect along?!”

Jin GuangYao looked down and fixed his sleeves, still grinning, “Weren’t you yourself the one who reminded me just now? Even if I killed you, I wouldn’t be put eternally at ease. The TingshanHe Sect teems with talent, and from now on, you’d unite and never surrender—I was quite frightened. After much thought, this was the only thing I could come up with.”

Among the group are children. That he did see and stare at gleefully as he lets Xue Yang decide to use all of them for corpse experiments. What does that mean??? Maybe that Jin Guangyao is also not in fact best uncle as he similarly was willing to kill Jin Ling who he "loved" as bait to try running away and is more than willing to use his "friends" for his own rise to power or to run away.

Examples of him enjoying emotionally torturing others as much as Xue Yang as a tactic:

Example 1:

“That’s not the way to go about things, is it? The TingshanHe Sect rebelled and schemed to assassinate Sect Leader Jin with all its forces before it was caught red-handed. How could that be called without a reason?”

The ones overhead cried, “Ge! He’s lying! We didn’t, we didn’t!”

He Su, “Utter nonsense! Open your eyes and fucking look! There are nine-year-old children here! Old men who can’t even walk! How could they rebel against anything?! Why would they assassinate your dad out of nowhere?!”

Jin GuangYao, “Because you made a mistake and committed murder, Young Master He Su, while they refused to accept Koi Tower’s conviction of you, of course.”

He Su finally remembered the accusation for which he was transferred to such a creepy place, “It’s all made up! I never killed a cultivator of the LanlingJin Sect! I’ve never even seen the person who died! I don’t even know if he was really a cultivator from your sect! I… I…”

He stammered for a while before eventually caving in, “I… I don’t even know what happened, I don’t even know!”

Yet, at such a place, nobody would listen to his protests.

Example 2:

Just as he was about to move, Jin GuangYao smiled, “HanGuang-Jun, it’s best if you take five steps back.”

Wei WuXian suddenly felt a small, sharp sting come from his neck. Lan XiChen lowered his voice, “Be careful. Do not move!”

Lan WangJi’s gaze landed on Wei WuXian’s neck. His face paled slightly.

An almost invisible guqin string, light and golden, was tied around Wei WuXian’s neck.

The guqin string was extremely thin. It was covered in special paint as well, making it almost invisible to the eye. Along with how disoriented Wei WuXian was, unable to pay attention to anything else, he didn’t notice it when it wrapped around his throat.

“Lan Zhan, don’t! Don’t back away!”

But Lan WangJi immediately walked five steps back without any hesitation.

Jin GuangYao, “Wonderful. Now, please sheathe Bichen.”

With a clank, Lan WangJi obeyed again. Wei WuXian raged, “Don’t ask for too much!”

Jin GuangYao quipped, “This is already asking for too much? Next, I’m even going to ask HanGuang-Jun to seal away his spiritual powers. What would that be called?”

Wei WuXian seethed, “You…”

Before he could finish, the sharp pain of flesh being lacerated came from his throat. Something dripped down his neck. Lan WangJi’s face was pale. Jin GuangYao said, “How could he not listen to me? Just think about it, Wei gongzi, his life is in my hands.”

Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Do. Not. Touch. Him.”

“Then you know what to do, HanGuang-Jun.”

A moment later, Lan WangJi responded, “Yes.”

Lan XiChen sighed. Lan WangJi raised his hands. With two strong taps, he locked his own spiritual powers.

Jin GuangYao smiled, his voice soft, “This really is…”

Lan WangJi’s eyes were locked on them, “Let him go.”

Example 3:

Wei WuXian wouldn’t have had to be responsible for a life as heavy as Jin ZiXuan’s, and the things that happened later wouldn’t have had to happen.

Yet now, he finally realized even the reason behind culprit’s curse wasn’t to frame him. Even the cause didn’t have anything to do with him!

Such a fact was truly difficult to accept.

As he laughed, Wei WuXian’s eyes reddened. He mocked, whether at himself or otherwise, “I can’t believe it’s because of someone like you… because of such a ridiculous reason!”

But Jin GuangYao seemed like he knew what he thought, “Wei gongzi, you really shouldn’t think like this.”

Wei WuXian, “Oh? You know what I think?”

Jin GuangYao, “Of course. It’s quite easy. You’re definitely thinking about how unfortunate you are. In reality, you’re not. Even if Su She didn’t curse Jin ZiXun, Mr. Wei, you’d receive a siege sooner or later, because of some other reason.” He smiled, “Because that’s what kind of a person you are. At best, you’re the untamed hero; at worst, you offend people wherever you go. Unless all those whom you’ve offended lived their lives safely, as soon as something happened to them or someone did something to them, the first person they suspect would be you and the first person they seek revenge on would also you. And this is something you have no control over.”

Somehow, Wei WuXian smiled, “What should I do? For some reason, I think you make a lot of sense.”

Jin GuangYao, “And even if you didn’t lose control at the Qiongqi Path, could you guarantee you didn’t lose control sometime in the rest of your life? Thus, someone like you is destined to have a short life. You see? Doesn’t it feel a lot better if you think about it this way?”

He takes little time in using others hurt or their protective instincts against them, and is just as gleeful to see others in powerless situations in comparison to him as it still gives him a form of control to worm his way out of everything that has caught up to him.

Jin GuangYao, “Ge, every word of what I say is true.”

His tone was more than earnest. Ever since he captured Lan XiChen, he’d indeed been treating him with respect. At this point, Lan XiChen wasn’t able to turn against him yet. He could only sigh, “Sect Leader Jin, I have already said, when you went your own way to scheme such havoc at Burial Mound, that there was no longer any need to call me ‘Brother.’”

Jin GuangYao, “What happened at Burial Mound was an accident, a mistake. But, I can’t go back anymore.”

Lan XiChen, “What do you mean you cannot go back?”

Lan WangJi frowned slightly, his voice cold, “Xiongzhang, do not engage in excessive conversation with him.”

Wei WuXian reminded him as well, “Sect Leader Lan, do you remember what you said to Sect Leader Jiang? Don’t spend too long talking to him.”

Jin GuangYao, “Ge, listen to me. I don’t deny that I did those things…”

Lan XiChen, “How could you deny them? There are both witnesses and proof!”

Jin GuangYao, “And so I said I don’t deny them! But to have killed my father, my wife, my son, ge—if not because I had no other choice, why would I have done those things? Could it be that I’m really so out of my mind in your eyes?!”

"Your… wife…” As though he couldn’t say it, he immediately changed his phrasing, "Your sister, Qin Su, did you really marry her while knowing what blood relationship you had with her?”

Jin GuangYao stared blankly at him. Suddenly, tears rolled down his eyes. He answered with pain, “… Yes.” Lan XiChen took in a deep breath. His face was almost ashen. Jin GuangYao whispered, "But I really had no choice.”

With a sigh, Lan XiChen continued, “Third, do not try to avoid it and answer me—did you plan the death of Jin ZiXuan on purpose?!”

Hearing his father’s name, Jin Ling, who’d been holding Jiang Cheng, widened his eyes.

Lan WangJi raised his voice somewhat, “Xiongzhang, you believe him?”

Lan XiChen’s expression was complicated, “Of course I do not believe that Jin ZiXuan ran into the attack at Qiongqi Path by accident, but… let him speak first.”

Jin GuangYao knew he wouldn’t be believed if he denied it no matter what. He clenched his teeth, “… I indeed didn’t run into Jin ZiXuan by accident.”

Jin Ling immediately clenched his fists.

Jin GuangYao continued, “But I’ve never thought of planning everything that happened afterward either. You don’t have to think of me as so clever and faultless. Many things can’t be controlled at all. How could I have known that he’d definitely die by Wei WuXian’s hands together with Jin ZiXun? How could I have predicted that Wei WuXian would definitely lose control and the Ghost General would definitely run a riot?”

Wei WuXian’s voice was harsh, “And you said you didn’t run into him by accident? Isn’t that self-contradiction?!”

Jin GuangYao, “I don’t deny that I told him about the attack at Qiongqi Path on purpose, but I only thought that he’d encounter some difficulties if he ran into you when you were being troubled by his cousin since he’d never been on good terms with you. How could I have known that you would simply kill everyone present, Wei gongzi?”

“Why was a sect leader who spent money like water unwilling to do the smallest favor and buy my mother’s freedom? Simple—it was too much trouble. My mother waited for so many years, weaving together so many difficult circumstances when she talked to me, imagining for his sake so many hardships. And the real reason was only a single word: trouble.

“This is what he said, ‘It’s especially women who’ve read some books who think they’re a level higher than other women. They’re the most troublesome, with so many demands and unrealistic thoughts. If I bought her freedom and took her back to Lanling, who knows how much fuss she’d make. It was best that I let her stay where she was just like that. With her conditions, she’d probably be popular for a few more years. She wouldn’t have to worry about her spendings for the rest of her life.’

“‘Son? Oh, forget it.’”

Jin GuangYao’s memory was extraordinary. With such a word-by-word repetition, one could even imagine that drunk expression of Jin GuangShan’s when he said these words, “Ge, look, those three words were all that I was worth to my father, ‘Oh, forget it.’ Hahahaha…”

Pain flashed before Lan XiChen’s face, “Even if your father… you…” He still couldn’t find an appropriate comment and gave up, sighing instead, “What is the use of saying all this now?”

Jin GuangYao shrugged as he smiled, “I can’t help it. To seek pity even after doing all these terrible things—that’s the kind of person I am.”

At the word ‘pity’, he suddenly flipped his wrist. A red guqin string wrapped around Jin Ling’s neck.

Tears still hung at the corners of Jin GuangYao’s eyes as he spoke, voice low, “Don’t move!”

"I had no choice", "I couldn't predict anyone would be killed" "He mocked and forgot my mother and I". He uses all of this as a try to convince a kind Lan Xichen to let him go. However,he contradicts his own defenses as he had said Wei Wuxian was always fated to die for his actions and lack of being to keep things under control. This empathy is faked on his end while he makes excuses all while he never extended the same courtesy to those he killed, innocent or not, and underhandedly still tries to get those sympathetic under his manipulations. When they are not working he resorts again to threatening lives. He uses his mother also as a reason for revenge, however his grab for power alone after Jin Guangshan and Nie Mingjue are killed was solely based on his own obsession of status at that point. His mother was no longer a goal to accomplish anything and his continued lies dragged in more than one innocent party to get what he wanted.

He never saw Jin Ling, Lan Xichen, Lan Wangji, or Wei Wuxian as anything but pawns despite his soft words to them that are really just a mockery within Guanyin Temple at that point. He has placed none of them before himself in terms of what he cares for and never had.

TL:DR: Jin Guangyao's "kindness" was always a mask and Nie Mingjue was right that he was irredeemable, genuinely unkind and cruel as a person.

(Edit: Jin Guangyao stans don't even try, I will block you if you dare to reply to this)

[chasingpj]

𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

pairing: leo valdez x gn reader

summary: five ways he says i love you through his actions

warnings: implied nudity and s*x, discusses food and eating and nothing else, i think. oh, and maybe some typos

category: headcanons

love letters/notes

leo is a busy boy

he's always picking up new projects so he can spend all day in his workshop or the forges with his siblings

when you guys live together, he leaves small notes on the refrigerator for you

they're always short, saying simple things like "i love you" and "i miss you already"

for the love letters, he'll leave them in random places for you to find

if you're a big reader, i can see him hiding it between the pages of your book

one day, you pick up your book to read, and the note falls on your lap

it's a love letter written on a piece of blueprint paper; there’s a little bit of oil smudged on the side of it

he got distracted while he was working on something because you were the only thing he could think about

his love letters never fail to make your heart flutter

sometimes they make you cry

he's quite sentimental

leo always tells you he does better writing down his feelings than he is saying it out loud because he can organize his thoughts better

you know that leo has a hard time with that because of how he grew up

when you guys have an argument, which isn't very often, he writes his feelings down on paper

he's always quick to apologize if he did something wrong, and the notes help him form the apology that you deserve, and you're quick to forgive him

once, you were super angry after an argument, so you locked yourself in your shared bedroom

you needed to calm yourself down

the both of you much too angry and stubborn to make a compromise

as your recollecting yourself, 40 minutes in, a folded piece of paper slips from under the door

the letter has teardrop stains, and the ink is slightly smudged

on the paper, it's all his thoughts written out in the best way he can explain them

after reading what he wrote, you quickly deemed that whatever you were fighting about was silly, and you guys made up

you love his spontaneous notes so much that you do them back

you guys have a game of who can find the most creative hiding spot for your notes

one time you found one tapped to the inside of the toilet cover

you found it hilarious

you throw folded post-its with messages in his tool belt

he finds them during the day while he's working on something

after you joined in on the fun, he scatters notes in random places, and every few days, you find a new message hidden somewhere randomly

they're just so sweet; there’s never a time where they don't make you smile

gifts

this is a given

it's not a leo headcanon if gift-giving isn't included

he would make you things like roses from scrap metal to literal furniture

if you have a lot of jewelry, he will make you a cute jewelry box

if you're a big book reader, he'll make you bookcases to support your book collection

he's always giving you little trinkets that he made with leftover materials from projects

he loves making things for you and gets upset when you decide to buy something from ikea instead of asking him

"babe, why would you buy that? I could have just made it for you!"

when he's on his way from returning on his quest, sometimes he'll find something that reminds him of you in a store, and he'll buy it

when he has the money for it, he'd buy you a star :(

says that he spent even more money to buy an extra bright star

because "you're the sun in my universe"

brb gonna cry

also, he'd gift you a bond bracelet

you know, those bracelets where every time you tap on it, it makes the other person's bracelet vibrate

the both of you get anxious when one of you goes on quests, so the bracelets bring the other person who's at home comfort

because when you tap back, at least he knows you're alive and vice versa

one of the best gifts you've ever received from him was your engagement ring

he made it himself

he took so much care and effort into making it

imagine leo forging your wedding ring himself??? i'm in spain with no s

he was so nervous that you wouldn't like the style, so he had piper casually bring it up to you

piper was so nonchalant about it that you didn't even think twice about the question

the ring has the prettiest gemstone or diamond (whatever you prefer)

you cried so hard when he told you he made it himself that you couldn't even say yes to his proposal clearly

he makes both of your wedding bands too

he carves a saying that's dear to the both of you on the inside

this is nothing to do with anything but imagine when you guys have kids, he makes animals out of pipe cleaners for them i'm gonna cry, brb pt 2

overall, whether he makes the present himself or not, he puts a lot of effort and care into it

every gift has a meaning and a place dear to your heart

cooking for you

leo is canoningly a good cook

he loves cooking for you

and you love eating what he makes

he's usually busy on the weekdays, so he cooks on the weekends

you guys always joke that he'd be the cutest househusband

you got him an apron for Christmas as a joke gift one year, and he wears it all the time

there's something so charming about him wearing an apron with a funny saying like "Mr. Good Lookin is Cookin" or with like a ripped out shirtless guy in front of it

you giggle every time you see him wearing it

oh, no matter how many times you've seen it, it's still so bizarre when he takes out hot trays from the oven with his BARE hands

everything he makes tastes amazing

he makes all kinds of food and is always trying something new

if you tell him what you’re craving, he’ll cook it for you

once he woke you up to ask if you wanted ribs… it was 3 am but like, of course, you wanted some

unless you're vegetarian or vegan, sorry, HAHA

often though, he does make Mexican food

it reminds him of when his mom was alive

he always has some story to share

every time he makes caldo de pollo (chicken soup), he always talks about how his mother would make it in the summer and that when he was little, he would always complain about eating hot soup in hot weather

you know he doesn't notice his constant telling of this story, but you don't mind

it's so bittersweet when he talks about his mom

through the cooking of his traditional food, you feel closer to him and his late mother

the memories he shares with you makes your eyes sting with tears

especially when leo says how much he wishes that esperanza could have met you

sorry, that was a little emo

also, leo usually wakes up earlier than you

he knows you're a sleepyhead, so he'll cook breakfast for you

so that when you're running around in the morning trying to get dressed and your things together

you never leave the house hungry because there's always a tupperware filled with breakfast, and if he has enough time, he'll fix you something to take for lunch too

if you come home late from work or school, he'll make dinner even if he's tired to surprise you

so many times you've come home from a shitty day at work or school, and the small table where you guys eat your meals is all set up with your favorite food

leo greets you by peeking his head into the hallway from the kitchen, tossed curls, cheerful brown eyes, and a bright grin

"I hope you're hungry," he says, despite knowing that you are hungry

and then you guys talk and laugh together over a delicious meal

compliments

leo's really observant

he notices when you’re in a bad mood, even if you try not to show it

he also notices when you change little things about your appearance

if you get a haircut or you get your nails done, he'll comment on it right away

especially outfits

if you buy something new, he'll complement it

imagine standing in front of the mirror, looking at yourself in your new outfit

leo comes behind you, his hands coming around your waist

he'll pepper kisses on your neck, a soft hum leaving his lips as he meets your eyes in the mirror

"is this new, mi amor?" he asks, hands running up your sides

once you affirm that it is a new dress or shirt, he'll smile and tell you how beautiful you look in it

maybe says he'd rather see it off of you wink wink

there's never a day where he doesn't compliment you

he thinks you're the prettiest person in the world

you've caught him staring at you lovingly plenty of times

he's just asking himself how did he manage to get someone as beautiful and amazing as you

you always squirm under his gaze and playfully ask what is he looking at

"you're so pretty, mi amor. I can't help it."

AHHH!!!!

alongside the endearment of mi amor, he'd always call you bonita and hermosa

you're so sweet to him, and he can't help but tell you how much you mean to him every chance he gets

surprises

leo is an acts of service kind of guy

i think he'll spontaneously do things to make you happy

if you've been busy studying for finals or just beat up from a day at work

he'll draw you a bath

or he'll cut up some fruit for you and leave it at your desk

he randomly buys you flowers

he never needs an occasion to buy your flowers

it'll be a regular tuesday, leo just happened to walk past a store with flowers displayed in the front, and he thought about how bright your smile would be if he showed up with a bouquet

I feel like he's pretty introverted, enjoys being at home with you

the both of you are pretty broke for a while, so a lot of dates were at home

leo made the most of it

you guys will have nice dinners at home

he'll set the table nicely, set the mood with candles

he'll redecorate the space so well you feel like you're at an actual restaurant

and of course, his food is amazing

breakfast in bed is another thing he'd do for you unsolicited

especially if you guys had a looong night wink wink

you're woken up by his still groggy voice, fluttering kisses on your cheeks

you open your eyes to see he's set a tray with your favorite breakfast on top of the bed

the two of you will eat breakfast together, which usually leads to you staying in bed for the rest of the day

just enjoying the warm cocoon your sheets create around the both of you

overall, he's super observant and caring, and he goes the extra mile to make sure you're happy because he knows you do the same

anyways, does anyone know where I can get a leo?

masterlists taglist: @nct127bee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @cartocns @Slytherclaw-kitten @idk-bye-no @percysbluehairbrush @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @drayshadow @ashookykooky

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Girls just wanna have fun

summary: the girls and you take over the first set of the guys concert for fun and as a joke, but you guys are really good which makes fans go crazy with how real you all sound like a real band.

Setlist: Babylon, Valentine, Ghost of you, No shame,Wildflower.

a/n: this is a 12 in the morning idea lol, thought it would be really cool to write this and of course the reader spends time with calum practicing the bass haha. I thought it would be cute for all the guys to see their girls in different settings.

a/n: august 2nd, fuck it i’m posting it lol

“this might sound silly, but it sounds like a good idea too.” michael said as cal spoke up, “out with it then clifford.” he said as you all giggled very interested in what he had in mind for the guys, or well for you ladies, but you didn't know that.

“What if our ladies do the first set of our concert?” he said as Crystal spoke, “Wait actually?” she said as you and the girls raised your eyebrows looking at one another while the guys were actually considering it. “that would be a fun idea actually.” Luke spoke as Sierra laughed, “you really think fans would enjoy that? not saying that we're bad entertainers.” she said as you giggled and everyone continued to elaborate.

“it would be fun seeing the fans reactions when they are expecting us.'' Ash said as he also mentioned how the fans all enjoyed the time they switched instruments, from the guys' view the fans loved it. “Besides the fans always ask about you guys it would be a fun way for them to see you all together.” Michael said as kaykay spoke,“okay if we were to do it, when would we do it cus if we're actually playing and singing we need to practice.” kay kay said as you nodded, “i agree with that,” you said as cal looked over at you with a smile, “wait your actually considering it?” he asked as you nodded with a giggle, “i mean it could be fun and we are all going,” you shrugged as all the everyone nodded. Cal knew you were a pretty nervous person so he didn't want you to feel pressure at all, since you two also had just announced that you were dating for a while now. But it would be a nice way to get the fans to know you too since they know the other girls very well. After planning rehearsal time, the set list, and the final date you were pretty much prepared, you just had to dread the planning time on your half.

You were only doing one of the main 5 songs that fans enjoyed a lot when the guys sang, so it was pretty easy going for all of you to do the main one, since a whole set was pretty intimidating especially to you, but 5 songs wasn't that bad. Of course the girls and you had some sort of experience with playing their instruments, since quarantine. You had told all the girls on facetime what you were up to, and they had been doing the same as you.

“So what have you been up to y/n?” sierra asked as you held your finger up and moved the camera to the bass, “this is so weird, but i've been playing the bass with cal, since you know we're pretty much stuck here, i thought it would be cool to learn.” you said as kaykay gasped, “no way! So have I but with the drums, Ash has been teaching me a little, it's so fun!” she said as you gave you a virtual high five, “This is so weird that you guys are mentioning this, but Luke has been teaching me too, its so weird, he came up to me with his guitar and he was like ‘let's have a jam session’ and i got the hang of the piano and the guitar.” sierra said as crystal spoke up and you thought it was so uncanny, but i mean it was pretty practical that you would all be learning how to play the guy’s instruments.

“I think they planned this because Michaels been teaching me how to play as well..” she said as you were all laughing and then Sierra spoke, “I think I see a band about to be immense,” she said as you all continued your conversations.

You all had been practicing for a while so you had some skill. Of course then you hadn't thought anything about that, but you kinda thanked cal for teaching you a little bit, since now you were going to do it live as a joke, but you were actually going to play and sing.

Though practice was enough for you guys to be prepared you also had to rehearse together to see how you all sound with one another. The singing part was easy for all of you since you guys would always sing. The boys had no doubts, they knew you would vocally sound good, but you girls already knew that since you had gone to a vocal coach and she even loved your vocals all together. She had even told you guys you were all able to make it as stars, but I mean you were only doing it one time for fun.  As you all arrived to rehearsal you and girls had even dressed up like the boys, you thought it would be fun because you guys were also doing some video diaries for fun for fans to see the behind the scenes. When the cameras started rolling and the guys did the intro before the cameras were on you as the guys would watch.

“Did you guys dress up as us?” Luke asked as Sierra nodded, “holy shit i just realized that,” michael said and you started laughing how identical she dressed up as look and also michaels reaction, “for promo purposes we had to, also that screams Luke, sierra looks way better luke im sorry,” kaykay sneered as luke began to sniff and fake cry and you giggled from what she said in the beginning, Crystal then added, “okay, but have you seen y/n, she literally has everything on point.” she giggled as you stood up showing your outfit, “yeah, it's not that hard when you can sneak into his closet, just that the pants were a little big, so i bought my own.” you giggled as you all were explaining your outfit, “did cal not notice?” ash asked as you shrugged which was when cal had walked in, “noticed what? Love did you go through my closet?” Cal asked as you all just started laughing at how he had just noticed you were all dressed up very similar.

“But also, kaykay, is very on point as you can see, with the bandana, the loose tank and of course the sticks.” you said as kaykay and you hugged one another like cal and ash would.

After the various jokes you had started to rehearse and the only thing to say was that you were all so identical to them, but before that the talented just screams out of you. You all were so good the guys were looking at the cameras worried, “i think we might be out of a job soon,” cal joked as luke nodded and the guys were laughing, “they are actually really good like actually,” ash said as he was clapping and whooping as the other boys followed. Cal and the guys even had his flashlight on when you were singing Ghost of you.

“Dude, they are so good, they have been planning this haven't they?” Michael said as you were done with the set completely, you all were confident that you were gonna kick ass that night. Even if this was just a prank set, you were all actually really good, like really.

Cal was so proud of you, that all the practice you two had done was good for you, he was hoping you would actually even consider doing more music stuff. The boys were all proud of you guys and of course their ladies, they all had agreed as well that you guys have so much talent, but they knew this life wasn't for you guys, since separation would be much bigger, unless you toured together….but i'm getting ahead of myself.

Once you all hit the tour bus and were on your way to the first concert of the tour, you girls were actually playing tonight, you weren't as nervous as you thought you were, but at the same time you were a nervous wreck. You and Cal were cuddled up in your bunk as you were watching a movie, “are you nervous for tonight?” he asked as you giggled a little, “i mean yeah kinda, but that's normal right?” you asked as he nodded, “yeah it is, and besides you guys are really good, like actually, all that practice is going to be worth it.” he said as you nodded and he had his arms over your body. He loves how involved you are with his life and his career, and how supportive you are. You were always there for him and he will always be there for you too, even if this was a little way to entertain the fans and make a funny thing out of it.

As you arrived at the venue, you were getting excited as you and the girls had stayed in your dressing rooms getting ready while the boys were doing sound checks and greeting fans with VIP passes. You were still doing video diaries so you were all pretty chill and relaxed once you arrived at the dressing room and started to change and get prepared.

“Okay, so right now the guys are currently doing their thing while we change, and get into character, so uh..yeah.” you giggle as you all do your thing while the cameras are rolling and trying to catch small moments of you all. “Are you guys nervous?” the guy behind the camera asked as you all prused your lips, “uh not really, we all rehearsed and practiced i think we'll be great,” kay kay said as you giggled, “okay but we actually sound like a band when you say that.” you giggled as Sierra and Crystal nodded.

You all were getting into your guy’s signature clothing when it came to doing live performances and the end result is so uncanny. You were getting into the signature skater pants and black top with some vans. You had curled your hair slightly a lot like cal’s when it's curly wanting to have some of your hair out of your face. Sierra had worn the yellow silk shirt with classic leather black pants and a pair of boots, an outfit that fans loved, and Sierra killed it in that shirt. Crystal had worn a jean jacket with black pants with some boots, which you could say, SHE KILLED IT. Kaykay had gone with a red button up and some skinny jeans with some boots and let me tell you SHE ALSO KILLED ITTTTT. You all had killed it, it was perfect. You occasionally threw in the “i have no idea what we are doing?” for the video because you knew that had to be in there and the girls all laughed when you did it.

When you all got in for a picture together you literally posed like the guys and you were all getting quite excited for what's about to come. Minutes had passed by and the guys had come in and they were all kinda surprised with your outfits and they were slightly impressed, “hey, you look really good by the way good luck out there.” Calum said as he walked over to you with a hug as you hugged him back, giving him a kiss. Everyone was greeting their partner giving the last minute good luck before you left. You had recorded more stuff for the video diaries, of course you all were listening to Nickleback before going on the stage and you now understood how this helped with the nerves.

You then were all getting suited up as kay kay had walked out on stage while the lights were off and started playing some beats before you all went on. From what you guys could hear the fans were going crazy, this was going to be one fun night. The boys had headed up to the very front to see the show.  you and sierra created one of the most funniest moments in the diaries, “y/n, we should do the acoustic set moment!” sierra said as you giggled and nodded, “oh my gosh yes!” you said as the cameras were rolling and kay kay was still entertaining the fans out there, ���..wait what are we doing? Are we gonna..?” sierra said as you looked back at her trying not to break character, “i think its an acoustic set.” you said as she walked over to you confused, “an acoustic set?....IT SOUNDS A BIT LOUD FOR AN ACOUSTIC SET Y/N!” she said as you just laughed not knowing what to do, that's when the backstage team had signaled you to all get out there running out and playing your chords for the intro as the fans at first were confused but when they noticed it was you girlies, they all began to scream and there was no end to the cheering. You looked over to the camera and looked over and said, “i still have no idea what we are doing.” you screamed as the fans were still cheering and you were so overwhelmed and excited, “fuck it” you screamed.

Then beat to Babylon had started and the fans went nuts as you were all playing as if you were a literal band, the fans cheering didn't stop until you started singing and they sang along with you. From the audience the boys were all cheering for you and none of the fans had even noticed they were there, that's how realistic this looked.

“Burn too bright, now the fire's gone, watch it all fall down!” you sang as the fans cheered you all and you began to giggle a little, you were able to even hear the guys cheering.

“So, holy cow, i don't know how the guys do this, but this is tiring, you gotta hand it to them.” Sierra said out of breath as you took a small break but made sure to hurry it up, “yeah they are pretty good at this, crystal, kay kay? How are you guys doing?” you asked as kaykay responded, “honestly great, i mean i get to sit down for most of this, but these girls are killing it.” she said as the fans cheered and all you could really do is giggled. “What about your crystal?” Sierra asked, “I'm doing fine, lots of head banging but it's there,” she said as you all laughed.

Then the beat to valentine had started and the fans were going crazy again, this was so new to you, all of you, you all liked this feeling, it was something you all had never got to feel, and it was one of those “i want to see what its” like moments, and you all enjoyed it. Whenever one of you would stop singing the fans continued on with the lyrics, which made you happy. You were all happy they are enjoying you guys.

“Valentine, valentine, valentine..” all of you sang as the beat continued to ghost of you, and yet again the fans screamed once again. Sierra started it off as the fans sang along waiting for your line, which from instagram you heard that it was one of their favorites because of the way cal would sing it, so yes you studied a little for this, “cleaning up today, i found that old zeppelin shirt, you wore when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt, too young, too dumb, to know things like love, i know better now, better now.” you said as fans yelled waiting for the part where you all sang, “Dancing through our house with the ghost of you” you sang as fans were cheering on.

You then took a small break before heading onto the next 2 songs, “you guys are such a good audience we really thought you wouldn't like us.” Sierra laughed as you laughed, nodding as the fans yelled no. you saw a fan had yelled a question, “wheres duke?” she said very quietly but you heard her, “ did you ask where duke is?” you asked as you looked at the fan who asked and she nodded which made the girls laugh seeing you interact with the fans. “Duke's home with one of our friends I believe,” you spoke as all awed.

Then the beat to no shame had started and you were so excited for this one, it was your favorite song on the new album, “so we're gonna do like 2 more songs on the new album just for you guys.” you spoke as the cheered and sierra had started it, and for this one you didn't do much singing since in this one luke is the only one sining but there was also some added harmonies, but not much.

Sierra had killed this song completely shocking Luke, he had heard you guys sing this so many times, but hearing it live with fans singing it made it sound so good. You and Sierra had been the ones who took one for the team and sang one of their solos. You two didn't really mind and kay kay and crystal were not really up for it, but they had both said you two should do it and well here you were, no backing out now.

“Got no shame. I love the way you're screaming my name” she sang as the fans went wild and the beat to wildflower had started and you were getting ready to sing, “this is the last song we can sing for you guys, it's called wildflower, and out lovely y/n will be taking the lead here.'' Sierra said as the crowd went wild and you just smiled looking over at Cal who was just so proud, like we said before even if this was for a small joke, the talent you all carried was surreal. Seeing you sing this song made him feel many emotions, you were kinda hot singing this. All the boys thought their girls were hot right now, they had no idea how they were gonna continue the show with all these feelings they had that just wanted to come out.

“You're the only one who makes me. Every time we. Tell you what I like. My wildflower!” you sang finally as kaykay ended with the drums and you all had gone in the middle and bowed getting lots of cheering.

“That's all we have today fro you all, thanks for your cheering this was actually awesome.” Sierra said as you all nodded and you all left the stage as they were all cheering. Once you were all off you all got into a group hug and just celebrated this. You all enjoyed yourselves up there and honestly you were all down to do it again, but you were all happy with being able to do it once.

Before leaving to go see the guys, you had recreated a couple more of the diaries moments,

“Kaykay, my best friend, gonna be friends till the very end. Kaykay my best friend gonna be friends til the very end. Take it to the.. I love this gal, so damn much, i love this gal.” you said attempting to do the same movements as cal. As kaykay had kept playing the guitar and sierra walked up to you, “y/n my best friend, me and her until the very end, kaykay, is **********, i hate you so ******* much.'' Sierra said as you all continued to laugh, not being able to believe that you did this without laughing. You then all had gone down as well to see them and give them your support. Lucky fans didn't recognize you and you were able to enjoy the show.

After the show you all had headed to a hotel tired but full on energy at the same time. You had all gotten separate rooms to celebrate alone with your s/o the success of the beginning of the show and the start of the tour. The boys were definitely were wanting to see you guys preform again.

This is like some of the reactions fans would have.

@5SOSUPDATES:

THE FACT THAT THEY DRESSED EXACTLY LIKE THE GUYS IS SO CUTE.

@CALM5SOS:

So who wants to talk about how the girls took over the first set?!?!?

@Lukstannings:

Okay but Sierra was rocking the yellow silk button up.

@mikeycliffordstan:

NO ONE TOLD ME THEY CAN SING

@ghostofyou5sos:

NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT HOW Y/N LITERALLY SANG CAL’S PART IN GHOST OF YOU THE SAME WAY HE DID.

@5SOSWILDFLOWER:

SIERRA SINGING NO SHAME AND Y/N SINGING WILDFLOWER IS LITERALLY ALL I NEED TO LIVE.

@c-swizzle:

Y/n’s spot on, her hair, her bass playing, she is literally calum in the making.

@cliffordhemmings:

Kaykay on the drums, is literally a dream of mine and it came true.

@y/nkaysierracrystalstan

They need to be a band idc what you say, you can't change my mind.

@5sosashsupdates:

Kaykay and Ashton are a couple goals.

@5sosmichealupdates:

Crystal wore michaels jean jacket. This is everything I need.

@ashiriwinsstan:

PLEASE THEY LITERALLY RECREATED SO MANY MOMENTS FROM THE DIARIES

@5SOS:

Looks like our ladies took over yesterday on the first set, might need to happen more often.

[duskholland]

The Fame Game (Part Three) || Tom Holland

Summary ↠ Sleepovers are supposed to be fun, but perhaps not when they include your fake boyfriend. 

Word count ↠ 4.5k

Warnings ↠ Alcohol, some bad language, Tom’s shirtless? And also a lil bit jealous

A/N ↠ I decided that Y/N is in Stranger Things because... Joe Keery. You’re welcome. This was a fun part to write! Thank you so much to everyone that’s been loving on this series - makes my heart very very happy to know it’s being read and enjoyed :’) Please let me know what you think of this part! (This picks up directly after part two just with a pov shift)

Series masterpost

THREE: What’s Mine Is Yours (Y)

The studio lights burn your eyes painfully, and your throat has been stinging distantly of tequila ever since you took the first shot. 

Jimmy’s been sending you question after question, analysing and picking apart every aspect of your ‘relationship’ with Tom for the past five minutes. So far, you and Tom have answered with your stories aligned, and you thank yourself for having the stroke of genius to go over some essential details with him before the show. If you’d just come out here and winged it, as he had foolishly suggested, you know you would’ve tripped up by now. 

It’s all going as expected, until near the end of the interview when Tom’s words split through the air and shock you completely:

“Well, chemistry is a very important part of any relationship, Jimmy, and you know what they say: enemies make the best lovers.”

Enemies make the best lovers..?

Even as the conversation moves on, you feel the words lingering in your mind. Tom’s been playing the role of your doting boyfriend very well all evening, but there has been something a little too earnest about his eyes and his remarks, and it’s left you feeling… odd. Exposed, perhaps. He’s out here claiming that enemies make the perfect foundation to a loving relationship, and though you’re almost certain it was a throwaway comment, you can’t stop yourself from over-analysing it.

“Well, thank you to both of you for joining us tonight,” Jimmy says finally, dragging you from your stupor. “It’s been a pleasure, as always. I wish the happy couple all the best!” 

You’re nestled up very close to Tom on the sofa. His hand is on your knee, and you’ve got your arm wrapped around his side. You hadn’t discussed any of this beforehand, but you’d followed his lead when he’d first stretched out his palm. Casual displays of intimacy, according to your PR team, are everything, and it’s been almost nice to have his fingers resting on your leg, acting as a grounding presence. Any time you said something a little risky, he’d squeeze your knee - and you likewise would use your hand on his side to pinch him gently, like a reminder to stop talking whenever he came close to slipping up. 

“Thanks, Jimmy,” Tom says. He looks around to face you, his brown eyes warm and round. “We’ve had a great time.”

You nod along and pull your hand away from Tom’s side as you sit up a little straighter. “Yeah, it’s been amazing.”

Jimmy throws out a few final farewells, and the audience descends into applause. As the bright sign that reads LIVE flickers out, the cameras stop rolling. Almost immediately, you feel lighter. With a loud groan, you stretch your arms out behind your head and collapse back into the sofa, your posture sagging. Besides you, Tom mirrors you, his legs spreading and his knee knocking against yours as you glance over and share a cautious smile.

“That went well, didn’t it?” You ask quietly. Jimmy’s wandered off, and around you, people are rolling up cables and wires. You can feel the eyes of some of the audience on you, so you reach down to play with his hand. Tom lets you fiddle with his fingers, and you gulp as you draw your fingertips across his soft skin.

“Yeah,” Tom agrees. His eyebrows furrow together as he looks at you curiously. “What was the question you answered with Harrison?” 

You scoff. “That’s a secret.”

You’d almost died when you’d read the card. As much as you’d disliked the prospect of doing a shot, the question had read ‘Which of Tom’s friends would you consider dating?’. Though you feel no romantic attraction towards Harrison, he’s the only one of Tom’s friends you know. You couldn’t admit it to Tom live, because PR would have had your head, but you don’t particularly want to fess up now, either. 

Tom’s always been a bit weird about your friendship with Harrison, and you don’t want to add more strain to your relationship. Maybe a month ago you would’ve loved to have another thing to rub in Tom’s face, but now things are changing. Your relationship is beyond twisted as it is, and much to your surprise, you no longer feel the burning need to exacerbate that - not now you know you’ll be tied to his side for the next five months. For all you thrive off Tom’s discomfort, it’s starting to take a toll. 

Tom pouts, but there’s an intense heat to it. “Tell me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

You roll your eyes. “What was your first question?” You return. “The one that you replied to by saying I’m stubborn?”

Tom groans, and the illusion of him being a doting, sweet boyfriend shatters. A part of you is relieved he’s back to normal as he glares at you. Tom has been too nice to you this evening, and it was becoming a little unsettling.

“I won’t tell you mine unless you tell me yours,” he barters. Tom looks down at your joined hands and loops your fingers together, leaning in closer on the sofa so he can drop his voice. The strong waves of his cologne drift out over you, causing your mind to spin. “Oh, come on, girlfriend, we were getting on so well, just tell me? Please?” He even flutters his eyelashes.

You chuckle in the face of his charm. “No way.”

Tom pulls away, his jaw flexing. He drops your fingers dramatically. “Fine. Be like that.” He stands up quickly, but then he pauses and begrudgingly offers you a hand, his eyes skimming the busy room. He, like you, seems to recognise there is a time and place for your petty bickering. “Let me escort you backstage,” he says, voice dry and monotonous. 

You sigh heavily. “You’re so annoying,” you tell him, accepting his hand. He helps you up with a strong grip, your fingers tangling together easily. “I almost bought the act that you were actually a decent guy tonight, y’know?”

Tom keeps your hands together as you slowly walk backstage. “I almost bought yours,” he returns, his voice quiet. “I suppose we’re both good actors, aren’t we?”

You set your mouth in a firm line. “I suppose we are.”

You don’t see him for a while, and for that, you’re very grateful. For a few weeks, it seems PR are satisfied with a few teasing tweets here and there, and you enjoy the freedom of living Tom-free again. It really is quite disruptive, having to parade around with him, and lie when your friends and family question you about him. It’s quick to grow tiresome as you have to explain, over and over, that, no, you don’t hate him - love just happened!! Yeah, he’s great! Oh, you always thought there was something going on between us? Haha. Hah. That’s so funny. 

It’d be so much easier, you think, if you and Tom got along better. But you know the only way that’ll happen is if one of you apologies to the other, and you’re still too fucking angry about everything to let your walls come down. Your history spans three poisonous years, and you aren’t willing to start lowering your defences for fear of him using that against you. You’d rather suffer through several more months of torture with Tom than show any sort of regret or remorse. You will not be the first to place your cards on the table, which lands you in a difficult position because you know he isn’t the type to concede either. You’re so similar it almost hurts. 

About a month after the show, you’re on set when you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket, and you pick up the small device to see Rebecca’s name flashing over the screen. With a sigh, you quickly answer. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi Y/N, it’s Rebecca. I hope you’re doing well.” There’s a brief pause, then, “So, we need you to do something for us tonight.”

You reach up to pinch at the bridge of your nose. “Always straight to the point, aren’t you?” 

Your PR manager laughs. “Time is precious,” she reasons. “Anyway, we’ve been monitoring your socials. People find it odd that you’ve not posted anything with Tom, and we’ve realised that there is a shortage of photos of you both together.”

You hum. “Yeah, I don’t think we’ve ever had a photo together where it looks like we actually like one another.”

“Exactly. That’s a problem.”

“Great.”

“We’ve been in contact with Tom. He’s going to pick you up once you’re done on set, and then come and stay the night with you. You’ll be spotted entering your apartment together, and he’ll be seen leaving in the morning. Whilst you’re together, if you can try and take some photos, that’d be great. Try to build up a backlog of different shots, so you have some in reserves for the future.”

You throw your head back, biting back a dramatic groan. “He’s coming over tonight?” You clarify.

Rebecca sighs. “Yes, Y/N. Is that okay?” 

“I suppose.” 

“Perfect. He’ll pick you up from set at 5.”

The line disconnects and you put your phone away, trying not to think about how easily your quiet evening plans have been whipped away. You’re called back to set almost immediately, and that provides you with a perfect distraction. You slip on your mask, sinking into a different character, and you let all your worries and irritations fade away.

When Tom rocks up to set, you’re still filming. You catch him from the corner of your eye as you act opposite your co-star Joe Keery, carrying your banter perfectly. You love Joe - love the fact that both of you are wearing matching sailor costumes and somehow manage to rock them, and that your scenes always flow together very nicely. You’re having a great time together, and you feel sad when the director calls out a final Cut! and the cameras stop.

“Great scene, Y/N,” Joe compliments, reaching out to pat your shoulder. 

You smile back at him, nodding lightly. “You too!” You say. “I’m going to miss filming with you.”

Joe nods, whipping the sailor hat from his head and running a hand through his long hair. “Me too,” he agrees, mouth curving into a frown, “Who else would dress up in these stupid costumes with me and not make fun of me?”

You laugh, but before you can form a full reply, you feel a figure lingering behind you. You tilt your head and see Tom there, and then feel his warm hands slip around your waist. It all happens so quickly - one moment he’s whispering hi, the next his fingers are wrapped around you and yours are on his shoulders, then he’s kissing you quickly. It’s just a peck, but it completely blindsides you, and you’re still recovering when he pulls back and looks at Joe.

“Hi, mate, I’m Tom,” he greets, his voice artificial and loud. “Y/N’s boyfriend.”

You look between them, your heart hammering in your chest as you retract your hands and let them fall to your side. Tom immediately links your fingers together.

“Oh yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you,” Joe replies, eyeing you sceptically. He raises his eyebrows slightly as he accepts Tom’s free hand, and they shake slowly.

“All good things, I hope, eh?” Tom replies, glancing over to you. You raise your eyebrows, trying to figure out what he’s doing, but he just grins slyly in response.

“Eh, sure,” Joe says. Your friend rocks back on his feet, and you’re briefly reminded of the many, many occasions where you’d stormed onto set and ran your mouth about Tom. “Well, I’m gonna go now. See you tomorrow, Y/N.” He raises a hand.

“Bye, Joe. Have a nice night.” 

As soon as Joe’s slipped out of sight, you turn your attention to Tom.

“What are you doing?” You ask him, voice higher and quieter than usual. You pull your hand from his grasp, and it drifts up to your mouth, to where your lips are still feeling the aftershocks of the kiss. You stare at him through wide eyes. He’s in a lovely blue denim jacket today, and it contrasts brightly against his short styled hair and his deep brown eyes.

“Greeting my girlfriend?” Tom replies. He looks a little bashful as he folds his arms across his chest. “Is that a problem?”

Fuck, you hadn’t missed him at all.

“You kissed me,��� you state. 

“Briefly,” he agrees, “We’re in public, Y/N. It would’ve been weird if I hadn’t done anything. Plus…”

“Plus?”

Tom grimaces. “It felt a bit odd to see you so close to him.” He pauses, his face the picture of discomfort. “I didn’t like it.”

“You have got to be kidding, Tom,” you mutter, eyes widening. “Are you seriously being like this because I touched his arm? He’s my friend, dickhead.” You scrunch up your nose, eyeing him sourly. “You don’t have any right to act territorially, Tom. We aren’t actually dating.” 

“Right.” Tom tentatively reaches up, and you let him place his hand on your cheek. It feels almost like an apology, and you find the lines of irritation melting from your face. As his fingertips gently trail across your cheekbone, your lips pull into a small smile. “I’m sorry if I took you off-guard,” he says, surprising you completely. You’d never thought you’d see the day he owned up to one of his actions. “I won’t kiss you again unless we talk about it first.”

You swallow drily, trying not to enjoy the way it feels to have his touch skating over your face so smoothly. 

“Good,” you agree. You rock back on your feet and sigh defeatedly. “We should go.”

It’s a little after 7pm by the time you get home. You make light, superficial conversation with Tom in the car as you put up with his chiding remarks about your driving, and by the time you walk through your front door, you feel frazzled.

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting visitors,” you mutter as you walk into your living room and take a view of the mess. 

“It’s fine.” Tom places his bag down on the sofa and looks around, greedy eyes taking in the details of your apartment. “It’s nice here.”

“Thanks.” You look around at your apartment, smiling quietly to yourself. The building is in downtown LA, right in the centre of things, and it wasn’t at all cheap, but over the years you’ve spent hidden away within the walls, you’ve made it feel like home. You’ve added character by tacking up a variety of posters, plants, and other fun keepsakes. “Do you want to order food? I don’t really want to cook.”

“Yeah, sure.” Tom pulls out his phone and glances up at you, face illuminated by the screen. “What do you want?”

“Thai?”

He pulls a face. “How about Chinese?”

You scrunch your nose up. “Thai?” You try again.

Tom bites his lower lip, his fingers moving over the screen. “Is it nice?” He asks you. 

“You’ve never had Thai before?”

He looks up at you, shrugging haplessly. “Nope.”

“Yes, it’s nice.” 

Tom surprises you by holding out his phone. “Pick something for me?” He asks. “Something good, though.”

You chuckle softly, accepting the phone and scrolling through the app. “I can’t promise you’ll like it, but I think you should.” You add a few things to the order before tossing it back. You dig your hands into your jean pockets and hesitate. “I’m gonna take a shower. Do you want me to show you the guest room?” You ask, eyeing up the hefty bag Tom had brought with him. 

“That would be nice.”

You’re quick to show Tom his room, and then you’re off through the shower. You’d been called to set for 7am, and the hot, pulsing water soothes away the tired ache in your muscles. The scent of fresh lavender clings to your skin as you dry yourself off and then collapse into a loose pair of leggings and a nice hoodie. You feel more like yourself as you stare into your reflection in the mirror now. You love acting, and you love being someone else, but you feel safest as you are right now: bare, authentic, yourself.

You’re so relaxed that you almost forget Tom’s staying over until you walk into the living room and see him sprawled out on one of your sofas, phone in hand. He cranes his face back to look at you as he hears you, his eyes drifting lazily over your figure.

“Food will be an hour,” he tells you sadly. 

“Great,” you grumble. You walk into your kitchen, looking over at him from across the open counter. “Do you want any wine?”

“Fuck yeah.” 

You snicker as you start to pour out two glasses of rosé. “So how do you want to go about taking these photos?” You ask tentatively. 

“Well, they made me bring a few different outfit changes,” Tom starts, speaking slowly, “So I guess we should just… Move about a bit and take some pictures together.”

It’s awkward as you walk back into the living room and hand him his wine glass. “Cheers,” you mutter, tipping the rim of the glass against his. A piercing ring fades across the room, and you share a despondent look with Tom.

“Cheers indeed, love.”

It’s uncomfortable until the wine kicks in, at which point the staged photographs come together a lot easier. 

You start off with a few simple candids around your apartment. You take some of Tom pretending to make some tea, and then of him standing out on your balcony overlooking the city. He changes out his shirts and hoodies every few shots, as instructed by PR, so you’ll have a more comprehensive selection of photos to post in the future. It grows quite amusing after a while as you both try to out-Vogue the another, and once the air is full of your endless laughter, you find yourself relaxing. 

When he’s satisfied with the number of candids he’s got of you, Tom suggests you get a little closer and try to get some more intimate, couple-y pics, “‘for the ‘gram, yeah?” This is when you run into a problem.

“I haven’t done this in so long,” you find yourself admitting as you sit beside Tom in your bed. You’ve slipped into a pyjama shirt, and Tom’s settled beside you. 

“Had an incredibly handsome actor in bed with you?” He returns, eyes sparkling mischievously. This evening he’s been very cheeky with you, and you have to admit you’re warming up to it. 

“Haha,” you say drily, rolling your eyes. You puff up your pillows and settle against the headboard. “Taken any photos with a romantic interest,” you clarify.

Tom pulls off his shirt easily, balling it up and throwing it across the room. You startle at this sudden action, your eyes drifting down to the defined lines of his abs. Tom is stacked. His lips curve into a smirk.

“Well, today’s your lucky day,” he teases, causing you to scoff. He opens up his arms, and you settle into them gently, aiming for a sleepy, lazy, we-woke-up-like-this vibe. Your head finds his chest, and your cheek presses against his warm skin comfortably. “Smile.”

He takes a few photos of you together, posing as a lovestruck couple, and as the seconds pass by, you melt further into him. You hadn’t realised how cold you were until Tom opened his arms and let you in, but now it’s as if you were freezing before the first touch. He’s got his hand resting on your side, and you feel his mouth linger above your forehead, hesitating. 

“Can I kiss your face?” He mumbles softly, “Might make it look more realistic.”

You hum quietly, closing your eyes as you wrap yourself further around his torso. “Sure. Can I kiss your chest?” You ask boldly, spurred on a little by the woozy heat that smothers your mind.

You hear Tom’s breath hitch, and find yourself holding yours until he mutters, quietly, “Yeah.”

You let him have his fun first, and try to remain as nonchalant as possible as you feel his lips fluttering out across your forehead. He leaves a delicate trail of kisses from temple to temple, caressing your skin slowly, softly, with his warm mouth. You realise with a soft epiphany that you don’t mind being in this position: Tom’s peppering your face in gentle kisses, holding you close in his bare arms - and it’s quite nice. And maybe… Maybe he’s quite nice, too. Sometimes.

Tom’s hand smoothes over your hair, and you tilt your head until you’re able to scatter a few short kisses across his chest. You can hear the small clicks coming from his phone, and you really drag it out, enjoying the press of his supple pale skin against your mouth. It warms you up, sets a tingle flaming through your lips. 

“There,” you say, finally dragging yourself away from him. “Do you think we’ve done enough?” 

Tom hums, watching you closely as you sit up from his chest. His arm retracts from your side, and the air between you clears. “Yeah. I’ll send them to PR and see what they say.” He messes around on his phone for a few minutes, but you stay exactly where you are - shrouded in duvet and blankets and lingering near his body heat. Your eyelids flutter shut as you relax, your peace lasting until he asks, slowly, “When was the last time you dated anyone?”

You pry open an eye, looking at him curiously. “Eh, it’s been a while. Almost a year since there was anyone serious.” You look up at him, your head resting easily on the pillow. “Why?”

“Just realised I don’t know that much about you, really,” Tom replies. He slips down the bed until he’s lying beside you, and both of you move onto your sides to face one another. He looks quiet and unassuming like this - tufts of brown hair pushed messily around his forehead, with a warm expression hanging from his lips. It’s an odd look to be directed towards you. 

“Yeah,” you hum. You let a small smile find your lips. “I don’t know much about you either.”

The sheets rustle as Tom moves a little closer. “Do you… want to know more about me?” He asks gently.

You swallow. You can taste the wine on your tongue, and you wonder why you can only seem to get along with him when you’re tipsy. 

“Yeah,” you admit. “Maybe it’d be easier to do this if we weren’t always so…”

“Horrible?”

You bite your lip as you nod. “Yeah. We can be pretty mean.”

“Why do we do that?” Tom muses, his cheeks nice and flushed.

“I don’t know.”

Tom reaches out beneath the covers, and his hand finds yours softly. He links your fingers together, and you look into his eyes intently. You find only warmth and sincerity staring back at you. 

“Maybe we should try to be less hostile to each other,” he suggests. 

Briefly, your mind rewinds to that day at the park, all those weeks ago, and how Tom had dramatically announced that the thought of being your friend repulsed him. It surprises you to hear this change of heart, but you realise you’re in the same boat. A lot has changed since then. 

“Okay,” you find yourself agreeing. “I’d be down to try that.”

“Okay.”

You share a small smile, and it seems to last a lifetime. For a while, it’s just you and Tom, buried in your bed together, hands clasped, breathing in sync, and it’s nice.

Eventually, food comes, and you convince Tom to watch one of your favourite films in your living room. You settle on separate sofas, but you’re able to make some light-hearted conversation. He even jokes around with you. It feels nice - but also too good to be true. 

As you sober up, you find yourself looking at him sceptically. No matter how welcome the thought that things between you are slowly mending might be, you don’t trust Tom, and that’s not about the change overnight. He’s an actor, and you wouldn’t put it past him to be pulling your leg - drawing you into this rouse, only later to turn around and pull the rug from beneath you, and laugh at you for believing that he’d want to be your friend. Your perception of him has been skewed so negatively for so long that it’s hard to believe he’s actually being nice - even if on your end, the softening is genuine. 

But you let yourself believe it, just for the night. You throw popcorn at him, and laugh together, and finish the bottle of wine over dinner. 

“Goodnight, Y/N,” Tom calls out, resting up against the door of the spare room. He’s caught you coming from the bathroom. He’s shirtless again, grey sweats hanging low from his hips, and you can’t stop your eyes from shamelessly tracing the curve of his v-line. “Not going to give your boyfriend a goodnight kiss?”

You roll your eyes, but you find yourself walking over to him. “You’re so fucking cheeky, Tom,” you mutter, amused. You press your hand to his shoulder and lean up to kiss his cheek. “Goodnight,” you say, eyeing him firmly.

Tom’s eyes dance with a thousand different emotions, and he dives in to kiss your cheek in return. “Night, love.”

You raise a hand in farewell and turn away before he can see the huge, embarrassing grin on your face. 

When you wake up, it’s to silence and a slightly sore head. Your clock reads 8.22 AM, and you amble towards the kitchen. 

You decide to extend towards Tom an olive branch - a cup of tea - to solidify your newfound… friendship? Amicable arrangement? You don’t know how to label it other than a loosening of your mutual disdain, but you know that whatever the dynamic was last night, it’d been nice. The idea that there’s more to him than the cocky, fronting mask he sometimes wears is pleasant. 

So you make him a cup of tea, and then tentatively walk across to your spare room. You knock quietly, hear nothing, and then gently push your way inside.

The room is empty. Tom is gone. He’s left the bed unmade.

“Fuck,” you mutter to yourself, scrunching your eyebrows together. You glance around and notice he’s taken all of his things, and then walk back into your room to check your phone - no new messages from him.

You sit down on the edge of your bed and sip at the tea you’d painstakingly poured for him. 

Maybe it was too good to be true, and you’d just been stupid to think one tipsy evening together was the start of something new. He’s clearly undergone no change of heart if he’s managed to waltz out without as much as a text goodbye. You feel stupid and angry, but above all disappointed. 

Because for a moment - a brief, hopeful moment - you’d imagined being Tom’s friend, and the prospect had made you feel happy.

↠ NEXT PART

please let me know what you’re thinking!!!! ask box is open :D

taglist can be found in the series masterpost, which is the pinned post at the top of my blog

masterlist linked in my description

[darlingpetao3]

Thank You For Ruining My Life: An Homage to Tom Cavanagh

“You’ve ruined all my future expectations of men.”

The costume-clad woman had the courage of steel to say this to the then 53-year-old actor, Tom Cavanagh of The Flash, in front of a ballroom filled with a couple hundred people. This brave utterance was spoken during the 2016 Fan Expo Vancouver convention during a Flash question and answer period with actors Tom Cavanagh and Candice Patton. In its third season, the show was undoubtedly still hitting its stride in popularity, and the room was packed to hear these two speak.

The brave woman whose turn it was at the microphone was referring to Tom’s role as Ed Stevens on the NBC 2000 hit, Ed. I had not known of this show previously, but having now heard such a proclamation intrigued me. “You’ve ruined all my future expectations of men.” That was a tempting notion, and as I continued to listen to this disarmingly charming and wittingly funny man steal the stage, Tom intrigued me even more. I’d watched him play three different versions of Harrison Wells on The Flash since the show’s premiere date, yet I hadn’t truly noticed him in a “life-ruining” way before.

Little did I know that Tom Cavanagh would not only eventually ruin my expectations for men as well, but he would change my life in other ways, too.

After the Q&A, I had this urge to buy a S.T.A.R. Labs T-shirt from one of the vendors at the convention. In my head, I thought I would purchase something so that I could have an excuse to talk to Mr. Cavanagh at his signing booth. Again, he intrigued me, and I wanted to experience more of his incredibly likeable personality. So, I dragged my friend with me to wait for what was maybe ten minutes in a queue. Shortly, I was paying the assistant for my autograph I would soon acquire. They wrote my name on a sticky note so that Tom would know how to sign a personalized message to me. And then, it was my turn.

His eyes sparkled when he turned his attention to me. I instantly had a feeling this was just the way he was naturally. Oh yeah, and I swear to God I’d never seen eyes that blue in my entire life. It genuinely stunned me.

“Hi!” he greeted me.

“Hi!” I responded, equally as thrilled. Tom admired the T-shirt I had brought and took note of my name on the piece of paper. I remember us joking together about the extremely lax security in and around S.T.A.R. Labs on the show, which prompted his message to me on the heather-grey cotton. He wrote my name, [followed by a heart!] and a very welcoming, ‘Come on by, just walk right in!’

I had official clearance from Harrison Wells himself.

I thanked him very much, leaving with my treasure folded over my arms. My friend and I walked towards the hall’s exit, and I couldn’t shake this feeling inside me. It felt strange—I couldn’t name it for the life of me. It felt like an odd fluttering with a simultaneous yet contradictory slightness of breath. My head was confused and would continue to be so for the rest of that weekend.

As I waited at my gate in the airport on that Sunday evening to head home, all I knew was that the moments at the con featuring Tom were the highlights of the weekend for me.

And that I was going to begin watching more of the other films and television shows he’d been in. What was the show the brave cosplaying woman had said ruined her expectations of men? Oh yeah, Ed.

Maybe I’ll start there…

***

Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad…

In my house, it’s never really Christmastime until Michael Bublé croons through the speakers of the wooden stereo system in the living room. It felt especially festive as it was now Christmas Eve—a month and some change since the con. It was late, possibly ten o’clock. I was lying on the floor in front of the Christmas tree with my trusty laptop, a word document open. I was writing three holiday-song short stories featuring the new muse in my life, Harrison Wells. I wanted to be able to post them the next day, so my fingers were taptaptapping away.

I had written a handful of things before 2017, most of which had been Marvel-related, under my second, ‘rebirth’ pen name online. I was a little fish among all the grand and fabulous writers on Archive of Our Own, and in many ways, I still feel like that little fish. I was only just learning and feeling out the psyche of the Wells characters. Each one is so different. In my rewatch of the previous seasons of The Flash, I’d taken diligent notes, and as I’d later learn with each following rewatch, I would know them all—what they think, how they talk and behave—like the back of my hand. It was fun to suss out these guys, and I found that I was growing to love the act of writing even more.

One month later, in January, I would post all the stories I’d written thus far on Tumblr. I’d just created an account and, who knows? Maybe I’d get a wider range of readers on here, too.

Might as well give it a shot, right?

***

Wild horses couldn’t keep me from attending Fan Expo Vancouver 2017, especially when the big news dropped. Not only would Tom Cavanagh be attending again, but so would Carlos Valdes, Danielle Panabaker, Candice Patton, and the convention-elusive star of the show himself, Grant Gustin.

Before the moderator for the Flash cast’s Q&A panel could utter the final thanks to the actors at the end of the session, I bounded from my seat and sped down to the photo op booth where the cast would be taking “Team Up” photos with fans. ‘Sped down’ has to be the most appropriate couple of words because I indeed felt like a true Speedster dressed head to toe as the small screen’s adaptation of Jesse Quick, the angsty and brilliant daughter to Harrison Wells turned superhero.

After waiting in a queue that felt like ages, I was next to stand with Team Flash. As I took a step forward, all of the actors’ and actresses’ eyes—the people I spend time with every Tuesday evening—were on me. I heard a familiar voice approve of my costume. It was Danielle.

“Tremendous.”

Grant even joked that he thought for a second Violett Beane, the actress who plays Jesse Quick, had shown up to surprise them. “I was like, what’s Violett doing here?” he said.

I stood in the back row, happily sandwiched between Tom and Carlos. I dared to let my hands rest on their backs, and I couldn’t contain my joy. Shortly after, when I received my near-instant physical photograph of the moment, I saw Tom had pointed at me. In my mind, it felt as if in his gesture, he meant, hey, look at this cool person. Haha. I couldn’t be further from it.

I would go on to further be uncool in public as I later found myself virtually shaking and almost hyperventilating in line for a one-on-one photo op with Tom. The guy dressed as Kid Flash behind me gave me a few encouragements of the “it’ll be okay” variety. As my turn finally arrived, the lovely man of the hour greeted me with a bright smile in recognition of my Reverse Flash T-shirt (I had done a quick change before this photo op because I had worn a Flash T-shirt for a photo with Grant).

“Great shirt!”

The internet comes up with many hilarious and fitting words, but none such so than the term “Cavanarms.” One of the said Cavanarms found its way around my shoulder in such a casual way. My hand rested on his back, and I have told anyone who will listen about how soft his sweater was. What was approximately a five-second interaction will stay with me forever. And to this day, I will always regret how I’m standing beside him in the picture—there’s a distinguishable gap between us. I could have been closer—should have been!—but I like to use the fact that I felt as if I’d combust into flames if I were any closer to the man.

Maybe I’d have another chance to combust later again that day because, believe it or not, this fan hadn’t had enough of seeing Mr. Cavanagh in person. And since he was appearing at the con for this day only, there was no way I was going to squander any opportunities. Besides, there was still one final thing left on my convention docket: the autograph. In my mind, going to get his autograph was an excuse to get to talk to him and simply be in his presence for longer than five seconds. Here, take my money. I’m a sucker, and I’m proud of it. I saved all year for this kind of thing, and Fan Expo has always been my ultimate nerdy Treat Yoself Day.

Plus, this year I came equipped with a question for Tom (something for which I may have prepared a little too far in advance).

“Which of your characters would win in a lawyering battle: Ed or Miles?”

Miles was Tom’s latest character from his newly released project Darrow & Darrow, a fellow lawyer as Ed Stevens (remember, the man who ruins women’s expectations of men?), whom he portrayed almost two decades prior. What I loved about Tom when I got to ask him this was that he was silent for a moment following the question. He was genuinely putting thought into my question. As he pondered, Tom continued to autograph the photo of us together taken mere hours ago.

“Ed. He would wipe the floor with that other guy. Like, Miles is great, but Ed has a rapier-sharp mind, you know?”

I wholeheartedly agreed with his answer and felt relieved inside for some reason. We thanked each other (as politely as two Canadians can) before I left him to pay attention to the next lucky soul in line. I made the mistake of casting my eyes downward at the signed photo.

Tom had signed two little hearts over the I’s in my name. He really needed to stop adding hearts to my things, or I was just going to melt to the floor. In fact, I started to make these strange noises as I tried not to completely maul everyone in front of me while exiting. My friend ushered me as fast as physically possible on our way out of the main hall. One man took one look at me and asked, “Are you okay?”

No.

“Yep!”

The second I made it out of the herd, I broke out into open space. First came the minor hyperventilating. Then came the squealing followed by laughter. Top it off with various fangirlish comments of, “He’s so beautiful!”, “His eyes are so blue!” and “I love him!” and I was probably quite the sight to see (but at a convention, that’s considered normal!). My friend smiled on as she let me express everything that I had to keep inside until I had the right time to expel my emotions. I was on cloud nine. Ten, if at all possible.

The next day would be the con’s final day, which I would attend alone. My friend needed to catch the ferry in order to prepare for her courses the day after. I did a scan of the convention hall one final time in case there was something I missed purchasing. Afterwards, I sat on the cold hard flooring of the convention centre hallway for a bit of a break. I was wiped out. With my phone in hand, I smiled at the messages from this one Tumblr blogger who had been following my posted adventures at the con. I had seen and replied to many of her comments on my stories I’d written thus far, and I enjoyed her matching enthusiasm for Tom and The Flash in general. I felt her to be a kindred spirit. I had no idea then that I was chatting with one of my future best friends, L.

***

I spotted her.

She was wearing an identical shirt to the one I had on—a light grey T-shirt with a sequinned Spider-Man mask in the corner, which around it read, We met on the Web. A giddy me couldn’t wait for the short escalator ride to end. Her back was to me and facing the baggage claim, so here was my chance to surprise her instead.

I towered over my friend, E, and donned a low, authoritative voice.

“Excuse me, Miss, can you come with me?”

She squealed a greeting to me and I returned it as we hugged for the very first time after two and a half years of online friendship. We would still have about two hours to kill until our mutual Tumblr best friend, L, touched down at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport from across the Pond.

Something I noticed was that E and I carried on talking during our wait like it was second nature, that we hung out like this all the time. Whereas when I met L in person for the first time the year previously, our first meeting was that of quiet, delighted shock, unknowing how to react to one another’s physical presence. It almost felt like a fantasy. The closest thing we’d ever gotten to this was visiting over video chats! I’m not sure what each of these different reactions in these separate meetings meant, but what I do know is that I’ve never had such strong female friendships such as these—so full of uplifting support and love for one another. They are the greatest ladies I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

And as a searching L eventually turned the corner to meet us in the Arrivals terminal, I caught sight of her Tom & Grant bandana tied around the handle to her carry-on bag. It was an item she had received in return for helping fund the short film produced in 2018 (I’d bought the ringtone). Seeing the accessory jolted me to remember that the former of the titular short was the reason for this long-awaited get-together holiday in the Windy City in the first place. Tom Cavanagh, unbeknownst to him, had just officially united three online friends, each from a different country, to spend six full days of in-person bonding and a whole lot of fun.

***

I should have been shelving books.

I should have been doing a lot of library-related tasks, but my head was elsewhere. Anywhere other than the small-town public library where I work. Instead, I sat on the carpeted floor of the Junior/Young Adult section with my phone in hand and a dreadful article title staring back at me.

“The Flash: Carlos Valdes and Tom Cavanagh to Exit after 7 Seasons.”

My world felt like it was falling apart.

Tom was leaving? There had been rumours and wonderings spreading around the fandom regarding whether he was leaving the show. With a storyline ending with a monumental sacrifice and a time-travelling man saying his farewells, it all seemed to point to the fact. I should have known… I could have rivalled Supergirl as being the Paragon of Hope after all the optimism I doled out to my followers and friends who would come to me worried Tom would exit the show. I would always give reasons to deny such a thing could happen, claiming that I’d believe when I saw it.

Well, there it was, and I definitely saw it.

One could feel the ripple effect over the internet of the shards of broken and riled-up hearts around the world.

Tom’s exit was on his terms, having not felt challenged by his character’s plotlines, as mentioned in a recent Entertainment Weekly article. As a viewer—and I am a viewer (Mike and Tom Eat Snacks, anyone?), it has been increasingly difficult to look past the missed shots made by story editors and showrunner, so understandably, the actor would want to seek something more exciting and meatier. That said, Tom has always shone on-screen and taken what he’s been given in stride. He turns unearthed material into diamonds and indeed shines on screen. Steals it, even! Tom easily makes the episodes he’s in better, and when he’s missing, you feel the loss. The few episodes of Season 7 without him only give us a tiny hint at how the show will be without him going forward. It much resembles when you might bring out your favourite jigsaw puzzle, only to find that the one piece you need to complete it isn’t there.

***

On a personal note, as I write this, I am roughly 20 followers away from reaching a milestone of 2,000. I have written well over 200 stories for The Flash alone (whether they be short or long, one-shots or chaptered), and goodness knows how many words I’ve generated altogether over the course of these many years with inspiration from the show and my favourite character. I’ve written and co-written novel-length stories, one monumental Wellsian story of which was done alongside L and E (almost solely done through alternating text messaging in the app, Line) that reached over 108,000 words and consisted of 42 chapters. And when I’m not writing for my blog, I’m also working on trying to accomplish my dream of becoming a published author. Just as I thought before I launched my Tumblr blog, I think again now: Might as well give it a shot, right?

***

I have watched virtually everything Tom has been in that I could get my hands on, both physically and electronically. Sure, a few titles are out of my reach and probably lost to the very early 90's forever, but from what I've seen through Tom's filmography is enough to know that he can do anything. He can play the romantic leading man that will make you fall head over heels for him or a deranged killer that will have you genuinely scared of him. That is talent. Tom always brings something new to the table from each role to the next, and (when he's not playing those psycho killers) you can't help but admire his craft.

Not only is his acting stellar, but from what we as fans have gathered on the man, Tom has got to be one of the kindest men in the business. His humour and sheer ridiculousness could get anyone through a tough time (we’ve seen plenty of bloopers and behind-the-scenes videos to prove this!). He has clearly bottled and stored an endless supply of Fountain of Youth™ and each year continues to wow us with his handsomeness. Tom is charming, dedicated, and yes, arguably holds the world record for Bluest Eyes.

In my eyes, Tom Cavanagh gave me the two best friends I could have ever asked for, as well as plenty more lovely friends I’ve continued to make online. (One day, I hope to meet him again so that I can tell him in person how because of him, I’ve met such very important people in my life). Through Tom, I have truly found my passion for writing, and in doing so, segued me to dare to dream of becoming a published novelist. I wholeheartedly believe all of this would not have happened if it weren’t for those first series of events that led me to meet Tom and love and admire him immensely. He is indisputable proof that there are indeed men like him out there. Indeed, he did ruin all of my future expectations of men. He ruined my life in the absolute best way and I am eternally grateful.

I am very much looking forward to what Tom will do next. I think it’s rather needless to say that I will follow him in his career, as he has gained a devoted fan for life. He represents so much to me and so much of it I have gained since meeting him that fateful day, when I thought to myself, Maybe I should buy this T-shirt and get this guy to sign it. Wherever Tom goes in life, I’ll be here to cheer him on.

I have a pretty good feeling plenty of others will, too.

[thedaddie]

@flwrstrawberry

hi! i saw your haikyuu matchups post and thought it would be fun to try out lol. i’ve never really done anything like this before so sorry if it’s kinda wrong haha

i am female and go by she/her pronouns.

i’m 5’1 and have a slim/athletic body type. i have black hair that’s super messy (it literally looks like a rats nest lol) that sits just above my shoulders and my eyes are light brown.

i am an ambivert to the core though i prefer to be introverted. i’m still pretty obnoxious and can be quite loud, though, often to mess with my friends. i love reading classical literature, painting/digital art, and creative writing! i am relatively quiet and reserved but super chaotic when i get close with people.

also my zodiac is taurus and my mbti personality is isfp!

thank you so much :D

hi hi! thank you for requesting!! i match you with…

ATSUMU MIYA

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS SUPREMACYYYYY

you and the miya twins have been BESTIES since practically birth

you guys went everywhere together, had weekly sleepovers, etc

then as you guys got older you realized that atsumu, despite being loud and dramatic, was actually pretty cute

and on the other side of things, atsumu was getting over his “girls have cooties” phase (because he totally believed in that cmon) and thinking the same about you

but i know FOR A FACT it wasn’t a one and done confession

this shit went on for YEARSSSSS

osamu was sitting there hearing both of you talk about each other from mf middle school to high school

then finally one day he left y’all alone in a room together because he was DONE (his last straw was tsumu calling him WHILE SAMU WAS ON A DATE to talk about the fact that you said tsumu was funny 😐)

when he came back tsumu was holding your hand like (´∀｀)♡

anywayz

tsumu just adores you!!

he loves that he can just pick you up and engulf you in giant hugs bc ur so small to his 6 foot ass

since you guys are so close, he sees both sides of you! he cant choose a favorite!

because on one hand your quiet side can calm him down, make him relax and get more in tune with his emotions

and on the other hand your chaotic side matches his own, y’all are practically bouncing off the walls when you’re alone together

if you’re feeling particularly introverted, he’ll always be your voice! you want a drink? he’ll order it for you!! someone is standing in front of your locker? hey buddy scoot over!!

yknow tsumu isnt typically a huge fan of reading, but damn! your book recommendations? five stars

he even picked up his own copy of pride and prejudice 🥲

he loves watching you make art! whether it’s digitally or painting he sits behind you and watches your process like a hawk

“tsumu i’m just painting a tree” “😑 but how”

if you’re comfortable with it, atsumu would love to read your creative writing!

he swears that you’re the next big name in literature (going down in the high school english curriculum type shit 😌)

also little headcanon, you helped him bleach his hair 😫

he tried to convince you to do it with him

“tsumu no way” “just one little strip 🥺☝️”

now onto your zodiac signs! taurus and libra :)

your signs are hopeless romantics to the core. considering the origin of your relationship (straight out of a fanfiction) you both are sure you’ve been swept off your feet!

one thing you’re good at with atsumu is bringing out his inner feelings, which is not only healthy for him, but for your relationship as a whole

embracing the ugly parts of yourselves and each other is the key to making this relationship survive

and with personality types, isfp and entp, you guys naturally have very different views on the world

you’re more down to earth while entp atsumu is a little in the clouds

but your differences are what bring you together!!

atsumu inspires you to slow down and appreciate things for what they are while you teach him to get out of his head a bit :)

in the end, osamu hates you guys bc you’re so disgustingly cute

—

moodboard:

another dash of gold there, a splotch of brown there…

you were sitting quietly in your room, painting carefully on a peaceful afternoon. it was one of your favorite pass times and such a beautiful way to relax-

your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your door opening quickly. you whipped around, watching as atsumu barely made it 5 steps into the room before collapsing on your bed, groaning loudly and dramatically.

you rolled your eyes playfully, turning back to your painting.

“im guessing practice wasn’t great?”

“no, i’m still the best.”

“that wasn’t what i said-“

“samu was just so irritating today, that’s why i came here.”

you make a small sound of acknowledgment, doing some finishing touches on your painting.

“i was reading that book you told me to,” atsumu spoke up.

“oh yeah?”

“yeah! pride and prejudice! i bought my own copy and everything!” you take a quick glance at him, giggling at the proud smile on his face.

“what do you think so far?”

“like what is ms. bennett doing? and caroline is bitch.”

“valid.”

“hey, what’re you doing?” you hear him sit up from behind you.

“wait, wait! it’s a surprise!” you angle yourself so he can’t see while you do one last flick of paint. “ok are you ready?” atsumu raises an eyebrow, not sure what to prepare himself for.

you turn the canvas around and watch his face change.

“BABE! YOU PAINTED ME?” you nod excitedly. he jumps up and attacks you with a tight hug. “you’re the sweetest, i love you.”

—

songs for your matchup :)

thank you again for requesting!! hope you enjoyed :)

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 8/10/21

got a bunch of followers (many of you are Cool Teens, so also a reminder im 26 and an adult and you’re responsible for curating your own internet experience) anyway there’s a bunch of new folks since the last time this was a regular series, so i am going to pre-answer some things that popped up in my inbox last week.

a quick reminder that this is empathetically NOT a recommendations or review blog series. this is a quick snapshot of what i’m thinking about with regards to mass media this week, and sometimes i’m funny about it and sometimes i also do interesting diy shit

a work can be culturally or historically relevant and important in the history of a genre AND be extremely difficult to recommend unless i know you very well due to. hm. let us say many pitfalls due to the inherent nature of the genre or the time it was made in it any number of other factors that make it unpalatable to modern audiences but still worth knowing about. doesthedogdie dot com will be your friend here for anything i talk about ever

being critical of a work doesn’t just mean pointing out its flaws- was it successful in telling the story it wanted to tell? were the techniques it used effective? were the emotions it elicited in me probably the ones the creators set out to elicit? these are key components of a good review and often help me break down what i want to say about a particular piece of media in any given week, but this isn’t a review series of blog posts either.

i am literally just some guy and you should question everything i say

listening i’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair (from the musical South Pacific) brought to you by a random mix of classic movie musicals bc apparently im that kinda gay this week.

like a lot of other fifties media that aged like milk, i have fond memories of watching this with my grandmother. this isn’t even my favorite song from the musical (that would be bali hai’i) but i think it is one of the more technically interesting non-solo ones. specifically, the faint siren-y dissonance on “ahoy, ahoy!” has really been stuck in my head. the melancholy “ah fuck we’ve broken our hearts again” vibe on “rub him out of the roll call/and drum him out of your dreams” with all the girls singing is probably a result of a soprano-heavy cast, but it’s almost chimey in a way? the rhyme scheme of those lines has an excellent mouthfeel. ms gaynor singing “cancel hiiiiiim” has a very different vibe in 2021

two (really three? maybe four? the world is large and mysterious) things can be true at the same time: i don’t think i could watch this musical again as an adult because i don’t think there’s a good way to salvage or update it. the very qualities of this musical that make me go “fuckin yikes” as adult were the very qualities that made my grandmother love it so much. i can hold a bittersweet memory of a rare late movie night with a complicated lady and at the same time wish she were a better person. the dead never leave you with answers.

reading yet another fallow week. this field is turning back into forest

watching i often say “AAA video game (derogatory)” when talking offline about the bad batc/h, but this was a real bioshock ass lookin episode. i don’t think this show is succesful at making or having a point. mostly because it cannot contradict any existing lore in one of the most traversed time periods of this franchise, even with the expanded universe reboot. it falls into the uncomfortable realm of most starred wars media: this is a franchise for children but it also has to cater to legions of grownup fanatics with lots of money. but by god does it “feel” like starred wars. something not all the sequel trilogy movies or much of the clone wars series were successful at.

as a sidebar to that last sentence. the most memorable (imo) scene of the fucking sequel trilogy is the back-to-back battle couple thing in ep seven, which i have just rewatched, and it simply does not hold up. there are too many cuts to other sideplots, which kills any tension dead, and it’s mostly fighting on opposite sides of the room in frantic desperation instead of what i wanted, which was more than five seconds of synergy. it’s a bad rhyme of the final throne room fight in rotj and my memory of the thing is so much better, which is always disappointing.

back to the main point, i think a big part of something “feeling” like starred wars is big setpieces and fights that make you go “HAHA YES FUCKIN SICK WHY NOT!!!!” like, nobody ever Just gets shot in the head and temporarily incapacitated, they get half-vadered by the engines of a derelict ship trying to go to hyperspace while it’s grounded. this franchise has never met a location it couldn’t destroy in a beautiful and awful shower of light while the string sections of three combined orchestras play their hearts out.

this franchise is so fucking stupid and i am so invested in it

playing got my hands on the death trash early access, very hype to play it, have been too busy turning this apartment into a functional and comfortable space to live in for three separate people with their own separate toiletries and groceries and work from home/school schedules

making related to the above, the fucking kitchen table and chairs are done.

things wot i did friday night/saturday morning:

new rubber feeties on everybody

wrapped the legs that structurally couldn’t get new rubber feeties in jute to be kinder to my rental linoleum

bolted the legs back on the table and rebalanced it bc the jute wasn’t quite even

did a very halfassed job of fixing the drawer rails on the table

bolted the chair tubing back together

took all the old decorative tacks out of the backs of the chairs

scrubbed the seats and backs and the pieces the tacks were holding down with mild detergent (partially effective, it still has some patina but is sanitized)

re-covered the bottoms of the chairs in remnant black polyester to replace mildewed black canvas

put in new decorative tacks on the seat backs

bolted the vinyl parts to the chrome tubing parts (a long and frustrating process since there were two sizes of decidedly non-standard nuts and bolts)

wiped everything down again for idk good luck

sitting at my kitchen table in the sun eating a breakfast sandwich and some terrible iced tea on sunday morning was very nice. i lived in the south just long enough to get Opinions on iced tea and how the north can’t get it right. shouldn’t be gritty. shouldn’t be bitter. how is this even happening

some very very halfassed “during” pics