#as I am also sexy

[spinaholi]

sandra lynn’s dating history now includes:

the most red-flag, gaslighting, married guy who became a world renowned insidious televangelist and ruined her perception of love and self-worth

the saddest, wettest, cardboard-box-living, yogurt covered man with an ancient hereditary curse of bad luck

the arch devil of gluttony and living embodiment of insatiable desire and hunger

a former drug addict, high school student councillor, werewolf, who’s probably the most mentally healthy person to ever exist

sexy pirate

[notherpuppet]

❤️‍🩹📻🍎

[asharaks]

it is, i think, symptomatic of the way larian has built this brand: bg3 was always marketed as being mature (read: sexual), and that was one of the big draws for players - myself included! especially as media pulls more towards extremes, with mainstream video games starting to get increasingly graphically sexual, graphically violent, and the vogue for 'grey morality' becomes the norm, those boundaries get pushed, and it becomes more and more of a selling point.

larian obviously focused on this, along with the How Do You Do, Fellow Kids brand, the increased accessibility of game devs on twitter, and adopted it heavily into their marketing strategy, and are now pretty reliant on the horny gamer crowd for a lot of their audience, and more importantly, they're doing this on purpose.

which is how you end up in situations like this.

characters (white men) the players want to fuck get centred: they get updates, they get more content, they get favoured. halsin's gone from a side character in EA to a half-fledged romance option, to a full romance option: he shows up in the promotional material, is larian's poster boy for the sex scenes, he gets more content with every update.

now gortash gets more heavily implied situationship lines with the dark urge, because players are horny for him. nevermind that some people aren't playing that way, or that he was originally set up to be a lower-level antagonist; nevermind that if the durge's storyline needed expansion, it should've been with orin and sarevok and bhaal, or that it muddies the writing for the rest of gortash's arc + characterisation: people want to fuck him, so it gets put in the game. it's not even to do with karlach, whose quest so desperately needs expansion! it's specifically catering to the people who want their character to have a Relationship with the slaver, because they're either not interested in or not able to focus on strengthening the weak spots in the narrative: they're just doing things that will net the 'my favourite dating sim' people lmfao.

meanwhile, literal main character wyll gets his quest demoted to a subquest, doesn't get bugfixes, doesn't get a single unique romance greeting after 6 patches and months of requests. he's not a Horny character, so he doesn't get the focus: he's not a player favourite, so he gets nothing. it's just... so unbelievably, indisputably racist, and it's incredibly grim and disappointing to watch it happen in real-time.

[frodo-a-gogo]

Let us be brutally honest with ourselves and with eachother for a moment. If he weren't obese you motherfuckers would be capable of percieving evrart claires sexy sexy moral ambiguity and complex charms

[macbethz]

suburbia; or the sad, quiet horror of getting everything you ever wanted

"No Surprises," Radiohead // Safe (1995) // Kingdom Come, J.G. Ballard // Blue Velvet (1986) // "Once in a Lifetime," Talking Heads // Little Shop of Horrors (1986) // Jon Ware on I Am In Eskew // Vivarium (2019) // "His 'n' Hers," Pulp // The Truman Show (1998) // White Noise, Don DeLillo // Supergod, Warren Ellis and Garrie Gastonny // 17776, Jon Bois // photograph of 1970s Las Vegas underground Cold War bunker // Disco Elysium, ZA/UM

[caeliflammae]

anne rice said "erotica", the fans said "oh hm this is horror and abuse! let's turn this into a deeply upsetting character study about how abuse can create cruel people who perpetuate cycles."

iwtv (2022) writers said "this is a literal fucking saw trap" the fans said "but what if they were in love <3"

[satans-knitwear]

Topless outdoor coffee mornings anyone??

Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The Quest Continues...

(part 1- part 2)

[daddy-long-legssss]

words fail me at this time.

[x]

[guiiay]

post-mission shenanigans

[mikichko]

stress relief inspired by the silly question I get asked whenever I tell people I don't drink alcohol pairing: kyle 'gaz' garrick x reader a/n: still figuring out this smut shit and wrote this in a haze so... enjoy? cw: nsfw, explicit smut, p in v sex, no real gendered terms but reader has vag+clit so do with that what you will <3, all lower case

“drink?” a scarred hand blocks your leftmost view. in it is a can of some shitty seltzer drink that's already dripping with condensation.

you shake your head, chin resting on your hand as you continue to watch the silent baseball game. phillies are down by four against the fucking cubs. what a fucking disgrace. 

“you sure? can always get you another flavor.” he places the drink on the counter next to you, a ring already forming on the wood.

you turn to him, meeting brown eyes, “not fond of alcohol. diet coke is more my vice. the carcinogens make it fun.” 

he snorts, taking a sip from his brown drink. you pull your eyes from him and turn them back to the screen, ready to watch your team continue to get dogged. 

“so how do you relieve stress then?” he’s on the stool next to you now. he’s so broad he eats up some of your personal space, more of it when he leans in anticipating your answer.

your head cocks in confusion, half of you still turned to the tv to see if the phillies will get their shit together. “sorry, what do you mean?”

he glances at the tv, trying to gauge what it is about this silly sport that has you so engaged. he shrugs, following the movements of the pitcher and the batter, “y’know, some of us throw back a drink or two to ease that tension. what do you do?”

you freeze for a moment and you’re thankful that you’re staring at the tv and not at kyle. you don’t think you could keep your poker face on if you were looking him in the eye. because, how exactly do you tell your friend that your favorite method of stress relief is to make yourself cum until you’re a sweaty, whiny, slick mess twitching on your bed. how do you even keep a straight face when that would be your first thought? especially when your friend looks as good as kyle does.

instead, you hyperfocus on the game. the movement of the ball, the pitching clock, the umpire’s hand signals, all of it to stop thinking about how nice it’d be for kyle to spread you out and fuck the tension out of your body. you lick your lips as you try to find an excuse or any words to steer the conversation in any other direction.

licking your lips is a mistake. it only makes you more aware of how quickly your mouth is filling with saliva, no matter how fast you swallow it all down. fucking hell. he just had to remind you of how long it’s been since you’ve been able to take care of yourself. the stress of life and its shitty fucking responsibilities fucking up your routine. gotta get yourself out of this somehow.

you shrug nonchalantly, at least try to, taking a sip of the fruity virgin mixture in front of you. “nothing really. it kinda just, yknow, dissipates.”

he snorts, shaking his head at your response, “fucking bullshit. i’ve seen you so wound up you nearly kicked soap’s head through the wall. next day you walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.” he drums his fingers on the counter studying you, “too quick a turn for it to just, dissipate”

is he a fucking narc? what’s his fucking deal with all these questions? this has never come up before. why’s he so fucking interested in your stress relief methods all of a sudden?

what kyle fails to mention is that he heard you the night of your tiff with soap. that he shared a wall with you while you fucked yourself raw and the slick had dripped all the way down to your asshole and onto the bed. had to fucking bite his pillow while he fisted his cock at the sound of you cumming, a high-pitched whine before you bit your lip and rode out the orgasm with breathy gasps. 

he wanted to break down your door that night. dip his thick girthy length into your wet hole just to feel how slick you got after you came. wanted to pin you down, maybe get price in there to hold your legs to see how loud you got when he kept sucking on your clit after you came. see how you’d fight against him, beg him to stop because you’d never done this before. never had your clit feel so raw before. wanted to see if you’d bless him with that sweet creamy mess he’d been dreaming of for fucking months.

he came four times that night. cock raw and balls empty just at the sounds of you he got through the wall. you’d only cum three times, clearly too cautious to really let go and make a nice and proper mess of yourself. he’d told himself that was just something he’d have to rectify later

you clear your throat, watching the teams switch positions on the field, “dunno what to tell you man, yoga does wonders.”

kyle hums around the rim of his glass, eyes dropping to your legs, not missing the way your thighs press together. more than necessary to keep yourself comfortable on the stool. 

“must be some kind of crazy fucking yoga. gotta tell me the studio, instructor too”

your head whips around to kyle, eyebrows drawn tight together, “what?”

he shrugs, eyes never leaving the tv, “it just seems to help you out so much, i want to try it for myself.”

you sputter for a second, fingers gripping the edge of the counter, “kyle i-”

he leans in a little, “i promise i wont tell the rest of the boys. you’ll get to keep your yoga spot a secret. but i really want to try it out. share with me please?”

he’s fucking with you, right? he has to be. there’s no fucking way he’s actually interested in this. you don’t even know enough yoga spots in the area to come up with another lie to round out your story. you don’t even have enough time to flounder in the depths of your mind.

kyle hooks a foot around one of your legs, “cmon, please. i’m really trying to find alterna-”

“kyle!” you hiss, interrupting him. completely fed up with his insistence your voice drops, “fucking hell i was lying. i don’t fucking do yoga. i just… i can’t fucking tell you.”

his eyebrows knit together in mock confusion, “what do you mean? aren’t we friends?”

you lick your lips as you try to find the words. “some friends just dont share everything kyle.”

he scoffs, “fucking bullshit. you told all of us when you got that broad off in the alleyway behind buckey’s. practically told the whole bar.” 

“jesus christ, can you keep your voice fucking down!?”

“god i’m just saying if you can tell me that then you can-”

“for fucks sake,” you hiss out. you’re getting hot, and not the fun kind, the longer this conversation continues, “i make myself cum okay? over and over and over again until i’m fucking twitchy. until i cant think about or feel anything besides how good i fucking feel. fucking happy now?”

kyle’s grin is wide, his eyes have something swimming in there that you hadn’t noticed before. “yeah actually.”

there’s a pause as you let his words hang there, confusion evident in your face. what the fuck is going on.

“so,” he throws back the rest of his drink right as the cubs batter hits another ball into the stands, “you going to show me? told you i want to try your method out.”

somehow, it’s a blur despite not a drop of alcohol in your system, you end up underneath him. 

he uses the head of his cock to spread your puffy lips apart, groaning at the pool of wetness that appears. he swirls it with his cock, tapping around the clenching hole, “just giving it a kiss love. gotta be polite” 

his tongue pokes out of his mouth as he presses his thumb down right under the head pushing it into you. a low groan escapes him as he presses past the tight ring of muscle, head falling back as he thrusts shallowly into you. “fuck that’s good. can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me”

whatever response you had for him is wiped from your brain as he bottoms out into you. you groan simultaneously at the feeling. he’s panting trying to get accustomed to how fucking hot and tight you are around him. you’re wriggling, trying to put some distance to ease the feeling of being so fucking full. you don’t get very far. “fucking hell kyle!” you cry out as he drives his hips into you. he’s got you open wide under him, arms positioned so that you cant shut him out, forced to take the beating that his hips deliver.

“it’s stress relief,” he groans as he grinds his hips into your wet heat. your fingers digging into his shoulders at his movements, “supposed to be a little rough”

he grins, licking his lips before he gives you a particularly filthy thrust. you can’t help the ‘fuck me’ you cry out.

kyle licks a wide strip up your neck, teeth catching your chin before biting down and making you whine. “i’m trying to baby,” he whispers into your ear, groaning when you squeeze him at the sound of the petname. he’s panting into your ear again, “fuck baby,” another groan as you clench around him again, “you like it when i call you that?” he huffs a little, the cadence of his thrusts changing to be slower, deeper. “didn’t know you were a romantic love.”

you’re not. or at least you’ve not been in the past but you can’t help how you react with the way that kyle’s cock is scrambling the connection of your brain. fuck, you couldn’t think before when he was just using you as a little sleeve but now, with those slow deep thrusts, he’s turning your brain into liquid. you wouldn’t be surprised if it started leaking out of your ears.

it’s just been so fucking long since you’ve been properly fucked, you tell yourself. resigned to your toys and hands for more than two years. too busy and too easily annoyed to deal with the person that a nice warm cock came attached to. that’s all it is you tell yourself as kyle praises you and your body arches into him. you’re just raw, in more ways than one, that’s why it’s making such an impact on you.

“fuck, baby, are you getting wetter when i fuck you like this?” he rolls his hips again, you can’t help but whine. another low groan from him, “fuck you are. god you love it when i do it like this huh?” 

one of his hands lets go of your leg, finding your own and interlacing them. he holds your hand over your head, hips not even stuttering, “promise i’ll fuck you nice and lovely right now baby. let you get all nice and wet, all messy for me. then you’ll let me slut you out right? let me use this pussy like i want to? i just wanna see what you’ve been keeping from me. gotta let me have you more than just one way.”

your entire body tenses at that, eyes rolling a little at the sound of it. fuck you’re already near the edge and he’s talking about more. more of this nice thick cock plunging into the deepest part of you. kissing the spongy spots inside you until you’re cumming around him more than once. god is he trying to imitate a session? his cock your own toy for personal use? 

no. no, this session is for him. you’re his toy. a little sleeve for him to test out, to get a taste of what he’s been missing he said. you just get the delicious benefit of getting to cum on his cock until you’re leaving a nice frothy ring on the base of his cock. christ. this man is going to ruin your stress relief for you.

“cmon baby, give me what i want” then he’s pressing a small bullet vibrator right on your clit, groaning at the vibration against his pelvis. you cant help but squeal and try to wiggle away from him but he has you pinned. the thrashing doesn’t help, if anything it aides in getting the vibrations right on your aching clit. it’s not long before the war sensation over takes your body and your eyes roll back as you twitch around kyle’s cock. 

“fuck yeah,” he laughs airily as you keep cumming around him. fuck you must be squeezing him so tightly you can feel him, “there it is love. love seeing you like that.”

he presses a kiss to your jaw before pressing one to your lips. “love that its me doing this to you. gonna see how many you can give me before i cum in this sweet pussy okay? wanna see all the ways i can get you to cum. keeping such a sweet little thing from me love.”

all you can do is nod. he’ll be relieving your stress for sure.

[gay-jesus-probably]

I like the general fandom trend to just take the plot of Hyrule Warriors as a loose guideline at best and just use the whole concept as a good excuse to get blorbos to interact across timelines, BUT I'm very disappointed that everyone is missing the comedic potential of a very specific squad of characters:

Young Link (aka Mask), who walks out of the nightmare of Majora's Mask and immediately gets portal kidnapped into a temporal war, takes one look at the whole mess and decides that you could not fucking pay him to admit to being the resident expert on Time Shenanigans. He introduces himself with the title of Hero of Termina, and definitely doesn't have any other ones, that would be crazy. Hero of Time? Never heard of him.

Tetra, who is a kickass pirate captain with zero patience for people trying to shove her into the Designated Princess role, and realizes immediately that Oh Fuck, this Hyrule has a lot of Ideas about how the Hero and the Princess are supposed to properly play their parts, the second they realize she's technically a Zelda they're gonna shove her in a goddamn dress and damsel her again, that's not happening. So she's definitely just a really cool pirate captain, nothing else going on here at all, definitely not the heir of the Hylian royal family in her time, that'd be crazy.

Ravio, who is literally just a palette swapped Link, meaning that the second his hood comes off, things are gonna get Awkward. There's no way in hell he's dealing with all that Hero baggage, that's Link work, so that giant bunny hood/mask is practically superglued to his head, and he's not taking it off for love or money.

Spirit Tracks Zelda, who is just in the Phantom Armour the whole time, and passing herself off as just a friendly ghost posessing a suit of armour to help the Hero of Spirits. Of course she isn't Princess Zelda, that's ridiculous, if she were a Zelda then people would start getting really weird about her technically being dead, and boy does that ever sound like a whole Thing she doesn't want to deal with, so she can't possibly be Zelda, she's just a nice ghost knight. Also, her teenage grandma is here, and that's kinda weird, so it's easier to just not admit to being royalty and avoid that awkward conversation.

Finally there's Sheik, who is not the Princess Zelda of the era straight up abandoning her war torn country for months at a time so she can risk her life in extreme cosplay for no clear reason, but is instead the actual Sheik from Ocarina of Time, who just beat Ganondorf like a month ago and is still trying to process what the fuck to do now. Also, he's been pretending to be a boy since he was ten, and is realizing there's a pretty good chance that he isn't pretending anymore, so that's a whole other can of worms. But for the last seven years of his life, being Princess Zelda meant certain death, so he's not really inclined to introduce himself like when in a new and stressful situation (not to mention he might actually just not be a girl named Zelda anymore), so he automatically introduces himself as just Sheik the spooky ninja man, and fuck he's in too deep to back out now, looks like he's committing to the bit. If you think you sense the Triforce of Wisdom on him, no you don't.

Cue shenanigans as the five of them attempt to hide that they're all actually kind of A Big Deal. The group motto is "Nobody says shit", which is usually delivered as a frantic hiss whenever someone slips up. Just the reunion between Sheik and Mask alone would be absolutely buckwild given how they parted, and how they're both frantically pretending to Not be involved with each other. For added hilarity and/or drama, Sheik gives his semi-bullshit cover story of having just been a friend of the Hero of Time, then runs into said Hero of Time and they both have to desperately pretend not to know each other, because if anyone picks up on the mountain of baggage between them then Mask is busted, and he won't hesitate to drag Sheik down with him out of sheer spite. Not to mention the weird balance of Sheik being used to this Link being a teenager that's actually a small child, and now has to adjust to Link who is a small child that's actually a teenager.

Also, i really feel like we're all missing out on the comedy potential of Ganondorf recognizing Young Link on sight and the two of them immediately launching into a grudge match with some extremely personal and specific insults on both sides. Meanwhile literally everybody else is just standing there watching, trying to process the fact that out of every single person that's been pulled out of time, Ganondorf only has personal beef with a literal nine year old.

I just feel like we're all really sleeping on the potential for Shenanigans here. The whole thing is an absurd mess, why not have some fun with it?

[milesforstyless]

This was definitely Max's clap back to Charles's pilot post 😭

[guinevereslancelot]

what was with cameron house md she spends 90% of the episode saying she wants their patient to die bc he's a genocidal dictator and her colleague husband says "babe it bothers me for ethical reasons that you want our patient to die :(" and she said "hm maybe you're right :/" but when it comes down to it the genocidal dictator lays a finger on her in an aggressive manner and chase instantly commits medical malpractice to murder the guy and then when he tells her she LEAVES HIM bc boo hoo he's a murderer now like GIRL he killed a man for you!!! he's wracked with catholic guilt!!! he's being crushed beneath the weight of his sins because he chose his devotion to you over his devotion to god!!! he literally could not get any sexier at this moment in time!!!

[gunsatthaphan]

lv 100 // lv 1

[kristalijah]

HE'S CHECKING OUT GARY!!!! I REPEAT, HE'S CHECKING OUT GARY!!!!