#artemus rambles

[your-art-is-gay]

My computer just decided to straight up...delete my drawing program???

Like, all of my documents are still there, and so is Clip Studio, but the actual drawing program, Clip Studio Paint, it just...no longer exists on my computer.

And of course, I didn't figure this out until after two hours of getting pissed off tryinb to figure out why CSP wasn't opening my goddamn drawing.

[prim-moth]

I saw your art you posted about your OC Artemus Hanged Man, and I was wondering if ya have more lore on the guy? They look rll fascinating 👀

HELLO! I’m so glad you’re interested in them AAHH love of my life 🥹🥹🥹

Artemus is a character I made for the game Fallen London! I haven’t played the actual game much and snagged them for my own entertainment and doing RPs with friends. Especially for my friend’s character, Fellian made by the wonderful @asininestars 💖

Their story will be under the cut ✨ CW for suicide ideations and mentions, stalking, grim dark theme, cult stuff

Artemus was once part of a cult, I don’t think they remember when they did but most of what they remember they’ve been in it. They lost their eye due do disobedience and seeing something they weren’t supposed to so as a result, it got tear off and replaced with a glass eye. They escaped one day and how they enter their new life is the same kind of with the game; got caught, sent to prison, escaped with a demon and enters to Fallen London of the Neath.

Their new life begins in a circus as a tightrope acrobat; their love for heights, swinging from rope to rope and hanging by a literal thread has dubbed them The Hanged Man + Artemus is suicidal, they made their "gimmick" (lack for better word) is to wear a noose. It makes them feel grounded, that leaves rope marks burn around their neck.

Now their story revolves around Fellian (bc my friend & I like to RP them both 💖), Artemus found him half-dead drowned on the shore of the river. Saved the man, he gave them a favour (wink) and he has been obsessed with them since. Fellian is a wanted thief that has their heart stolen by Artemus (unbeknownst to them of course) and has been stalking the Hanged Man since, he's just so in love with them 💖

Artemus is a bitch about these things though (read: love). Repressed king tbh tries to shove said love away. Their story is of being stalked, being suicidal and me basically whumping them... I just love them so much!

[nightingaletrash]

Giving Garrett a rook called Artemus that he coparents with Basso. He loves his dads, runs messages for them, and serves as Garrett's personal wake-up call. If Garrett won't get up, then plan b is to take his collectibles and drop them on the floor.

He knows his dad's love of loot is the key to getting him out of bed.

[autumn-storms-and-coffee-rings]

it’s remarkable how many of my ships experience fantastic tropes in canon:

sharing clothes!

hurt/comfort!

emotional hurt/comfort!

sharing a bed!

height difference!

one or both experience nightmares!

so many fanfic ideas, so little time. and energy. 

[teiasviago]

i don’t know if it’s misogynist or ableist or both but it’s certainly something 🧍🏻‍♀️

officially calling miss gillian insane like ma’am WHO is picking these roles for you??? where is your special je nes sais quois???? i’m not seeing it!!! you’re being screwed over!!!! make it stop 😭

[agentartemus]

You've asked me, so now I ask you >:))

Tell me friend, we all know and love Arty, but outside of him, who are your favourite ocs and what about them makes them your favourite (you can also ramble about Arty >:)))

And the second thing is more about your original world, any fun little tidbits you'd like to share? Like lore or characters :))

Ohhhh I'll try to keep this short (fat lie)

Outside of Arty, I have a few favorites/very cherished OCs. The list goes (in no particular order):

• Providence: Providence is equally a favorite to Artemus (probably bc he's the same person). But I love Providence because he's just so complex and tragic. His upbringing, his long and lonely life, the challenges and sacrifices he is forced to endure and make. The long journey of self healing. It's a LOT. I love him (and Artemus only takes up,,,, like a quarter of the entire story. The rest is Providence).

• Vanilla: the way I'd die for this woman I SWEAR. It should be recognized by now that Vanilla is Arty's late girlfriend. Their relationship was just so pure and loving, it broke my heart to take her away. But she's so fun and her aesthetic is just DELICIOUS. And I love a moth woman 💅💅

• Lilac: don't get me wrong, I love both of the twins equally, but Lilac's personality really shines to me. She's chaotic, witty, independent, and downright rambunctious. And purple is my favorite color soooo,,,,

• Tynks: this man barely has any significance in the plot, but the way I'm down bad for him is,,,,,, absurd. But rightfully so in my opinion.

• Axel: Axel, while the unforgivable villain, I can't help but love him. He's such a rat. I wanna kick him and spray him with vinegar and I love that.

Those are my favorite Star Wars OCs besides Artemus. But I also cherish my none star wars OCs! Including Artemus, I have 5 original stories. I'll list the other 4 below:

• Fritz Fischer: the story for Fritz Fischer is heavily inspired by the book "Felidae." Originally, the story was gonna be an adaptation of the book, but recently I've decided to transition it into a more original piece. The basic plot of it is a new detective with a troubled past having to solve a chain of murder cases within a discriminatory society.

• Leonardo Moretti: Leo has existed since before Artemus actually! His basic story is that he's lived in this small bay area, working at a family owned restaurant. But when he turns 18, he's let in on the "family secret" and then has to deal with the weight of what he's learned, which leads to a lot of existentialism.

• Nohbdy: this particular character is still pretty new, not even a year old. So they're still in the works. Another existentialism thing (you can tell I have a preference).

• a still unnamed kid and Ford: this is another pretty new story. It focuses on a small kid who got separated from his parents a while ago, running into an alien that escaped area 51. They pair up and go on a journey to find the kid's parents while simultaneously escaping the government.

Now, assuming you (Ezra) have read up to this point, you can tell I have a LOT to say,,,,, so to save you time, I would happily tell you more about Phantasia via messages or more specific inboxes! Thank you for reading <333

I'm not tagging anyone this is a lot :/

[agentbaldwin]

ARTEMUS , A PLAYLIST.

track one... ARSONIST'S LULLABY , HOZIER

when i was a child, i heard voices / some would sing and some would scream / you soon find you have few choices / i learned the voices died with me

track two... OLD MAN , CHASE JOHANSON

and i am the element of fire, the presence of flame! / and i've watched all our gods cheat the people for personal gain! / i was lost i was found, above and below ground / and i know the answers, they hide in the sound of

track three... BODY , MOTHER MOTHER

i've grown tired of this body / cumbersome and heavy body / i've grown tired of this body / fall apart without me body

track four... I'M NOT OK , WEATHERS

too many issues, so i wouldn't blame you / bearer of bad news, i've got no excuse / i talk to myself, self / i think i need help, help

track five... SISYPHUS , ANDREW BIRD

sisyphys peered into the mist / a stone's throw from the precipice, paused / did he jump or did he fall as he gazed into the maw of the morning mist?

track six... RAMBLINGS OF A LUNATIC , BEARS IN TREES

maybe this is the result of me finally accepting that i'll be alone forever / that i deserve forgetting / it's a pointless endeavor, and maybe it's upsetting / but i've never felt more comfortable in the concept with things ending

track seven... GRAVE DIGGER , MATT MAESON

colors blend / they're all black and white / god damnit, i can not bend / i'm all shriveled inside.

track eight... A SADNESS RUNS THROUGH HIM , THE HOOSIERS

people are puppets held together with string / there's a beautiful sadness that runs through him / as he asks me to pray to the god he doesn't believe in

track nine... THE GUARDIAN (ELLIE'S SONG) , SHAWN JAMES

kill or be killed, what a way to live and die? / i just can't see this cycle ever ending / how can i correct the damage done / when i can't feel the consequences of my recourse?

track ten... SIX , SLEEPING AT LAST

my mind was heavy / running ragged with worst case scenarios / emergency exits and the distance below / i woke up so worried that the angels let go

[ourravenboys]

once every three months i ask “why was blue’s dad a literal tree” and no one ever has an answer

[rogueinkglitch]

Artemus and Emory are boyfs and very soft and I love my children so much

[permanent-goblin]

Blue Lily, Lily Blue comments.

YALL KNOW THE DRILL IT WONT BE A LONG ONE CAUSE IFINISHED IT BUT FUCK THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!

So, first of all, i fucking want Gansey and Blue to gettogether already, literally i think if anything Adam would be happy for them because i think they understand at this point that they wouldn’t have worked out SO FUCKING HUG, HOLD HANDS AND KISS ALREADY THE FUCKING TENSION IS BOTH BEAUTIFUL AND TOO POWERFUL TO STAND FOR GODS SAKE YOU TWO.

The lack of The Grey Man in this book was weirdly sad, i kept thinking and wondering where the frick he was in all this and I kind of of miss getting chapters in his perspective. Also im honestly wondering how it will work out with him and Maura considering Artemus is back.

And on that not, MAN BLUE FOUND ARTEMUS FREAKING EASILY, LIKE JUST BAM THERE HEWAS WITH MAURA UNMOVING. Idk why i always imagined him appearing in a more fantastical way to Blue, like oh hey im your father or some shit, but like i was so thrown off they he didnt even know he had a child and was like WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE MAURA. and i was like “of course he doesn't bloody know” but i also dont remember the time in  which he vanished, if it was around when Maura was pregnant i get it then, anyways im rambling about that.

I am seeing the end for Noah coming closer and closer and i hate what everything is doing to him, like this poor boy let him be his precious bean self that i silently wished he ended of with blue in another universe.

Ronan and Adam are getting closer so thats good. What's interesting is i started this series because of the love of the RonanXAdam ship, and im glad if they get together or what not, but like im here for Blue and Gansey, FUCK EVERYONE ELSE I NEED THEM HAPPY AND TOGETHER GOD DAMNIT.

I felt allot more somber than i thought i would when Jessie died, like we all knew it was going to happen but a part of me hoped he would live, we will miss you, you spaghettios loving giant.

So Persephone dying didnt ’t mess me up, like im super sad she is dead, cause i loved the relationship she had with Adam, but like the part in her death that messed me up and almost broke me was when blue pretty much begged Calla not to go into the cave. Like Blue had already lost so much, and didn’t need to lose more.

And y’all im living for the animal skeleton bone yard coming alive it was the greatest that ever i swear.

Piper Being a threat was the only thing that threw me off and kind of disappointed me, i think we are going to find out more of her in the last book, but like in this book she was so dull and uninteresting, besides her love of the supernatural, that it fell short for me.

And lastly, FUCKIING, NEEVE IS FUCKING ALIVE GUYS SHE IS FUCKING ALIVE, I HAD HOPED SHE HAD LIVED AND HSE IS FUCKING ALIVE. I’m a little concerned that she might be on the bad guys side or whoever the third sleepers side is but like im glad she is alive nonetheless. But i really hope she isn’t bad in the end, I really liked Neeve in the first book, and i really want her to be on her families side.

My biggest interest is in who the third sleeper is and why he shouldn’t be woken up, like i really hope Artemus has some answers since he literal is integral in this whole thing.

AND WHOO we finally are going find Glendower, fucking finally that dude needs to wake up and make these poor kids happy for the love of god, but also this means Gansey is going to die in the next book which i am not ready for y’all thats gonna tear my heart out.

[your-art-is-gay]

One of my favourite things about going down research rabbit holes is finding unexpectedly humorous things.

For example, I went down a rabbit hole for a steampunk story I'm kicking around and ended up on the Wikipedia page of the Foundling Hospital (Britain's first...orphanage? children's home? to put it very simply?), where I came across this line that genuinely made me stop midsentence in my phone call to my grandmother and bark out laughter:

Ah, yes, I too would get rid of a painting for looking "too Catholic."

[blues-socks]

“From the minute I’d met Dante, I had fallen in love with him.

Alrighty... So I have finished "Ready Player One" and I finish "Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe". A productive weekend of not doing my homework. I've been kinda sick but audiobooks are really easy to get through. Anyways I'm gonna try reviewing the books I read again even if its a short rambling of my thoughts. This isn't going to be good or coherent but its here. 

Spoilers ahead. Don't read if you don’t want to know what happens in these books. 

Ready Player One:

I actually really enjoyed this book a lot. It’s my best friends favorite book and he doesn’t like to read so this book was going to be something special to me regardless of if it was good or not. However, I did like it. 

I wasn’t a huge fan of the Artemus/ Parzival romance because I felt like Artemus was the “ideal nerdy girl” and I just didn't love her character and I felt their romance took away from the immensely more interesting main plot. 

Wade as a character was interesting but I could never make up my mind on if I liked him or not. Again I didn’t like what the love plot did to either of the characters and I feel like it made them even more one-dimensional. H was my favorite character overall and even though “him” being a girl was sort of predictable I still enjoyed the plot twist and how it was handled. 

Also, I haven't seen the movie but I watched a movie trailer after I finished the book and I understand why people gave the movie so much shit. It looks like a really shitty adaptation of the book and I have zero interest in seeing it now. This is disappointing because I really wanted to see it because the book had a really awesome world. Spielberg has some good history in directing but I've never thought he was good at book/movie adaptations. He was referenced in the book several times so I understand why they chose him, but just from watching the trailer I could tell he just took the movie in a really bad direction

I think the plot was fairly predictable and yet the suspension of “what's going to happen next” was good enough to keep me invested. 

Overall I would give this book a 6.5/10 

Ari and Dante: 

This is one of my all-time favorite books. I'm not huge into contemporary books, I have the small set that I reread all the time, but mostly they are on my shelves because of the LGBT+ rep. Ari and Dante though is one of the most poetic and beautiful books I've ever read and every time I read it I think I discover something more about myself. While I personally identify more with Dante, reading the story from Ari’s POV is just... magical. I have no other words for it. Benjamin Alire Sáenz has a unique writing style that perfectly captures the unexplainable emotions that you feel but are unable to articulate. 

I'm pretty sure there's a movie coming out for this and I'm curious to see how they'll be able to adapt the film to a book that relies so heavily on Ari’s internal dialog. 

There are so many beautiful quotes in this book and I'm actually planning on getting one as a tattoo as soon as I get enough money and find an actual good artist in Austin. 

this book will forever get a 10/10 for me because it's beautiful and amazing and one of the best examples of representation in literature. 

[sohlkim]

Mark Twain:  How to Tell a Story

How to Tell a Story

THE HUMOROUS STORY AN AMERICAN DEVELOPMENT.--IT'S DIFFERENCE FROM COMIC AND WITTY STORIES.

I do not claim that I can tell a story as it ought to be told. I only claim to know how a story ought to be told, for I have been almost daily in the company of the most expert storytellers for many years.

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind--the humorous. I will talk mainly about that one. The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling; the comic story and the witty story upon the matter.

The humorous story may be spun out to great length, and may wander around as much as it pleases, and arrive nowhere in particular; but the comic and witty stories must be brief and end with a point. The humorous story bubbles gently along, the others burst.

The humorous story is strictly a work of art,--high and delicate art,--and only an artist can tell it; but no art is necessary in telling the comic and the witty story; anybody can do it. The art of telling a humorous story--understand, I mean by word of mouth, not print--was created in America, and has remained at home.

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it; but the teller of the comic story tells you beforehand that it is one of the funniest things he has ever heard, then tells it with eager delight, and is the first person to laugh when he gets through. And sometimes, if he has had good success, he is so glad and happy that he will repeat the "nub" of it and glance around from face to face, collecting applause, and then repeat it again. It is a pathetic thing to see.

Very often, of course, the rambling and disjointed humorous story finishes with a nub, point, snapper, or whatever you like to call it. Then the listener must be alert, for in many cases the teller will divert attention from that nub by dropping it in a carefully casual and indifferent way, with the pretense that he does not know it is a nub.

Artemus Ward used that trick a good deal; then when the belated audience presently caught the joke he would look up with innocent surprise, as if wondering what they had found to laugh at. Dan Setchell used it before him, Nye and Riley and others use it to-day.

But the teller of the comic story does not slur the nub; he shouts at you--every time. And when he prints it, in England, France, Germany and Italy, he italicises it, puts some whooping exclamation-points after it, and sometimes explains it in a parenthesis. All of which is very depressing, and makes one want to renounce joking and lead a better life.

Let me set down an instance of the comic method, using an anecdote which has been popular all over the world for twelve or fifteen hundred years. The teller tells it in this way:

THE WOUNDED SOLDIER

In the course of a certain battle a soldier whose leg had been shot off appealed to another soldier who was hurrying by to carry him to the rear, informing him at the same time of the loss which he had sustained; whereupon the generous son of Mars, shouldering the unfortunate, proceeded to carry out his desire. The bullets and cannon-balls were flying in all directions, and presently one of the latter took the wounded man's head off--without, however, his deliverer being aware of it. In no long time he was hailed by an officer, who said:

"Where are you going with that carcass?"

"To the rear, sir--he's lost his leg!"

"His leg, forsooth?" responded the astonished officer; "you mean his head, you booby."

Whereupon the soldier dispossessed himself of his burden, and stood looking down upon it in great perplexity. At length he said:

"It is true, sir, just as you have said." Then after a pause he added, "But he TOLDme IT WAS HIS LEG!!!!!"

Here the narrator bursts into explosion after explosion of thunderous horse-laughter, repeating that nub from time to time through his gaspings and shriekings and suffocatings.

It takes only a minute and a half to tell that in its comic-story form; and isn't worth the telling, after all. Put into the humorous-story form it takes ten minutes, and is about the funniest thing I have ever listened to--as James Whitcomb Riley tells it.

He tells it in the character of a dull-witted old farmer who has just heard it for the first time, thinks it unspeakably funny, and is trying to repeat it to a neighbor. But he can't remember it; so he gets it all mixed up and wanders helplessly round and round, putting in tedious details that don't belong in the tale and only retard it; taking them out conscientiously and putting in others that are just as useless; making minor mistakes now and then and stopping to correct them and explain how he came to make them; remembering things which he forgot to put in in their proper place and going back to put them in there; stopping his narrative a good while in order to try to recall the name of the soldier that was hurt, and finally remembering that the soldier's name was not mentioned, and remarking placidly that the name is of no real importance, after all,--and so on, and so on, and so on.

The teller is innocent and happy and pleased with himself, and has to stop every little while to hold himself in and keep from laughing outright; and does hold in, but his body quakes in a jelly-like way with interior chuckles; and at the end of the ten minutes the audience have laughed until they are exhausted, and the tears are running down their faces.

The simplicity and innocence and sincerity and unconsciousness of the old farmer are perfectly simulated, and the result is a performance which is thoroughly charming and delicious. This is art--and fine and beautiful, and only a master can compass it; but a machine could tell the other story.

To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct. Another feature is the slurring of the point. A third is the dropping of a studied remark apparently without knowing it, as if one were thinking aloud. The fourth and last is the pause.

Artemus Ward dealt in numbers three and four a good deal. He would begin to tell with great animation something which he seemed to think was wonderful; then lose confidence, and after an apparently absent-minded pause add an incongruous remark in a soliloquizing way; and that was the remark intended to explode the mine--and it did.

For instance, he would say eagerly, excitedly, "I once knew a man in New Zealand who hadn't a tooth in his head"--here his animation would die out; a silent, reflective pause would follow, then he would say dreamily, and as if to himself, "and yet that man could beat a drum better than any man I ever saw."

The pause is an exceedingly important feature in any kind of story, and a frequently recurring feature, too. It is a dainty thing, and delicate, and also uncertain and treacherous; for it must be exactly the right length--no more and no less--or it fails of its purpose and makes trouble. If the pause is too short the impressive point is passed, and the audience have had time to divine that a surprise is intended--and then you can't surprise them, of course.

On the platform I used to tell a negro ghost story that had a pause in front of the snapper on the end, and that pause was the most important thing in the whole story. If I got it the right length precisely, I could spring the finishing ejaculation with effect enough to make some impressionable girl deliver a startled little yelp and jump out of her seat--and that was what I was after. This story was called "The Golden Arm," and was told in this fashion. You can practise with it yourself--and mind you look out for the pause and get it right.

THE GOLDEN ARM

Once 'pon a time dey wuz a monsus mean man, en he live 'way out in de prairie all 'lone by hisself, 'cep'n he had a wife. En bimeby she died, en he tuck en toted her way out dah in de prairie en buried her. Well, she had a golden arm--all solid gold, fum de shoulder down. He wuz pow'ful mean--pow'ful; en dat night he couldn't sleep, caze he want dat golden arm so bad.

When it come midnight he couldn't stan' it no mo'; so he git up, he did, en tuck his lantern en shoved out thoo de storm en dug her up en got de golden arm; en he bent his head down 'gin de win', en plowed en plowed en plowed thoo de snow. Den all on a sudden he stop (make a considerable pause here, and look startled, and take a listening attitude) en say: "My lan', what's dat!"

En he listen--en listen--en de win' say (set your teeth together and imitate the wailing and wheezing singsong of the wind), "Bzzz-z-zzz"--en den, way back yonder what de grave is, he hear a voice!--he hear a voice all mix' up in de win'--can't hardly tell 'em 'part--"Bzzz-zzz--W-h-o--g-o-t--m-y--g-o-l-d-e-n--arm?--zzz--zzz--W-h-o g-o-t m-y g-o-l-d-e-n arm?" (You must begin to shiver violently now.)

En he begin to shiver en shake, en say, "Oh, my! Oh, my lan'!" en de win' blow de lantern out, en de snow en sleet blow in his face en mos' choke him, en he start a-plowin' knee-deep toward home mos' dead, he so sk'yerd--en pooty soon he hear de voice agin, en (pause) it 'us comin' after him! "Bzzz--zzz--zzz--W-h-o--g-o-t--m-y g-o-l-d-e-n--arm?"

When he git to de pasture he hear it agin--closter now, en a-comin'!--a-comin' back dah in de dark en de storm--(repeat the wind and the voice). When he git to de house he rush up-stairs en jump in de bed en kiver up, head and years, en lay dah shiverin' en shakin'--en den way out dah he hear it again!--en a-comin'!En bimeby he hear (pause--awed, listening  attitude)--pat--pat--pat--hit's a-comin' up-stairs! Den he hear de latch, en he know it's in de room!

Den pooty soon he know it's a-stannin' by de bed! (Pause.) Den--he know it's a--bendin' down over him--en he cain't skasely git his breath! Den--den--he seem to feel someth'n c-o-l-d, right down 'most agin his head! (Pause.)

Den de voice say, right at his year--"W-h-o--g-o-t--m-y--g-o-l-d-e-n arm?" (You must wail it out very plaintively and accusingly; then you stare steadily and impressively into the face of the farthest-gone auditor,--a girl, preferably,--and let that awe-inspiring pause begin to build itself in the deep hush. When it has reached exactly the right length, jump suddenly at that girl and yell, "You've got it!"

If you've got the pause right, she'll fetch a dear little yelp and spring right out of her shoes. But you must get the pause right; and you will find it the most troublesome and aggravating and uncertain thing you ever undertook.)

--October 1895

[your-art-is-gay]

I'm going to go see The Crow (2024) with my boyfriend and his best friend (/maybe also boyfriend?) Cal tonight, and, like-

Cal and I are both that kind of stompy boot, carrion bird goths that spend too much time and money at Hot Topic. And then there's John over here, who owns an official Weird Al Hawaiian shirt, listens to ska, and does Jim Carrey impressions.

So, for all intents and purposes, it'll look like two goths kidnapping their dorky boyfriend to drag him to see this movie, right?

Yeah, Cal and I have never seen any iteration of The Crow.

So, basically, the person in our group that looks the least likely to be interested in the movie is actually the entire reason we're there.

[your-art-is-gay]

do you ever just see that somebody reblogged something from you, so you go their count for some mild stalkage and then reblog a bunch of shit from them in a row, and then get really nervous because you're afraid that they'll think you're creepy when they notice you've done some mild stalkage and reblogged a bunch of shit from them in a row?

nope, me neither

[your-art-is-gay]

mildly annoyed because I just finished a piece of art that I'm actually really proud of but I'm hesitant to post it anywhere because it's kind of nsfw

which, like, isn't really that big of deal because it's not super explicit (I could probably get away posting it here, even) but like....I suppose I've got this idea that if I post anything even mildly nsfw anywhere that's connected to my name I'm going to get Big Judged, especially once I get published

ughhh I dunno I'm sorry